#dont like the structure of this. but its a tumblr post and not a doc so i dont particularly care enough to fully clean it up. maybe later

[keyofradiance]

an analysis on yazs issues with connections, trust, and (possible) abandonment bc i cant stop thinking about it:

this was supposed to be just an analysis abt her in just one scene, but i am not normal so its way longer now

aka the yasmina fadoula is NOT good at relationships with people long post. its long as hell and less of a post and more of an ordeal. also i bolded the dialogue if its not by yaz. youre welcome to add on to the post, esp in the miscellaneous sections. spoilers for all seasons under the cut

yasmina fadoula is a bit of a loner. of course we dont get to really see this a lot beyond s1 as they bond a lot after that lol. but i would like outline two scenes in particular. weve seen this less than social expressed before in the season (the part where brook tries to film her comes to mind) but i would like to firstly mention the scene where sammy first tries to talk to her. when first mentioned in the episode, yaz is a distance away from the rest of the campers, drawing (this most likely just for plot reasons, but i find it interesting how shes with them but not hanging out. together but isolated). in this scene kenji also says she probably just wants to be alone. sometimes. the very next scene she continues the behavior of sitting close to where kenji/brooklynn/darius/ben hang out, but not interacting with them, instead trying to wipe down her book (note: she also is very clearly listening to the conversation in this scene). and this is when sammy comes in, with an absolutely unabashed offer of friendship, heart on her sleeve so to speak. and yaz just is caught off guard. when sam says “no one likes the shell. it stops people from getting to know you,” yaz responds with “bingo,” and thats what leads me to believe that human connection has hurt her before. shes not ready to let someone in, not ready to play with fire again. but, this conversation, the “im not giving up,” line we hear in s3, leaves the door open for more. maybe they could be acquaintances

now, in the episode, what we see is yaz not really being used to someone as boisterous as sammy, especially with sammy wanting to be friends so clearly. and with the likelihood of yaz probably not having friends, being with sammy would probably be like being at a party but with no quiet corner to sink into. but through some blunders and a bit of life threatening danger (par for the course in this show) and a speech that was Most Definitely Totally All For The Dinosaur, I Swear You Guys has yaz realize that she can trust sammy. and maybe its not easy, but its worth a shot. it maybe awkward and clumsy, but hey, shes only here for a bit, why not talk to someone. and maybe shes not really a hugger, but she can let it go

i also would like to note the reason yaz states for taking up drawing, “to kill time during track meets”. interesting. also one the drawings is of what we can assume is a t rex eating a person. now, if you remember, darius’s story at the beginning actually mentions a t rex. maybe its coincidence, maybe yaz was actually listening to the story all along.

but thats just with the other campers, how about the other people we see in the series? lets start with eddie. when we first see him and he shines the lamp on the camp fam, yaz actually takes up a fighting stance. she doesnt talk at all during the scene, or even take any cake. the closest we get to her and eddie talking is when she says “ow,” when she trips on bumpy while chasing him. ok, how about mitch, tiff, and hap? asks 1 question (“did you get stuck out here too?”) in the whole getting to camp part. ehh ok, but lets look beyond that, we are with them for several episodes after all. lets talk the breakfast scene. we get a whole other comment (“so many attacks,”) and its just in response to darius. ok, maybe the writers just didnt know what to really do with her. lets talk the scene where brooklynn sees hap being suspicious while everyone does something else. whats yaz doing? just chilling with sammy. not talking, even tho tiff is right there. ok i think my point here has been made lets skip to when we see mae for the first time, bc dr. wu isnt a really a stranger to her. on the journey over to her cave, we set a record for amount of lines yaz has in a persons intro scene: 3! yay! and then an additional one in the cave. wooo! the six months on a dinosaur infested island w/ only 5 other people helped her social skills. they arent perfect, but theyre definitely better, and she still sticks to her quieter tendencies.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep1 camp cretaceous, s1ep3 the cattle drive, s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s2ep4 salvation, s3ep6 the long run, and s4ep3 turning dr. turner.

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yaz’s handling of (possible) abandonment by friends is um. something. i only have two examples though. firstly, lets talk about s3 and what makes yaz realize she could be abandoned after leaving the island. the scene with ben. “after we go home, its not like any of us will ever see each other again.” “sure we will!” “doubt it. were spread all over the country. factor in time, money, life. you get the idea.” and as kenji tells him off, yaz hangs back with a pensive expression, as the storm gets ready to roll in. i love symbolism. 

and so, we get into the real part id like to discuss. yaz’s conversation with sammy. in this we can see yaz’s doubts and fears come through as she tries to shut down their relationship, so that there is no pain of any abandonment or drifting apart, because if the bond was only made due to “running for [their] lives all the the time,” it wouldnt be something to be hurt over, right? and so, while she reinforces the fence around camp, she does the same for her heart. and sammy? sammy knows that this isnt really what either of them want, but shes not strong with her words. so what is there to really say, especially with someone who cant hear it right now.

but thats something that we see yaz initiate, thats on her own terms. how about something that is very much not on her terms, kenjis betrayal of the camp fam? how does yasmina, worlds normalest person about all things relationships react? she retroactively goes wow i should not have trusted him. as weve seen, this is pretty much par for the course, this distancing from people. but in this she also pushes down her own range of emotions, instead focusing about how she was stupid to have let this happen to her. like, shes the second last person to go when darius leaves to go try and figure out whats up with big and little eatie.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s3ep5 the eye of the storm, s5ep4 evasive action

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^ core of the post

|

˅ some misc things 

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yaz also does not do good with trust being broken. at all. girl CRASHES a car because she had found out sammy lied about a PHONE. (to be fair the whole day had been extremely tough, there was a “monster dinosaur” out there that had tried to eat them twice) and then when sammy comes out with the fact that shes here entirely to spy, well, she cannot handle it. and so, she uses the same distancing tactics as before, unable to accept the hurt. she denies that it could have been real at all, and rescinds the special permission of being allowed to touch her. and this is our first glimpse (timeline wise) into how bad yazs issues with relationships are. and yet, theres still more for these guys! we also get a scene w/ them after yaz hurts her ankle. i cant talk for a lot of it bc its sort of just the same stuff lol, but we do get and explicit mention yaz had considered them as friends until this point (and she does go back to doing so). which is pretty realistic in a character whos clearly had some rough experiences with connection like yaz has.

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep5 happy birthday, eddie, s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world

————

yaz takes the want to be useful to the people to a higher level then most people would. this causes her to be a bit impulsive at times when trying to help, doing things that could hurt her as well as not really thinking things through. lets start with what yaz herself has to say on it, “i dont give up” “im the track star. the person my coaches, my team, everybody relies on. but now... but now im not. and if im not strong anymore... what good am i?” and this really goes to show how truly well she fits the team player role, she truly embodies it to an unhealthy degree. and she wants to be reliable, to her new team (the camp fam), and that want to prove herself to this team, and if she cant use two of her biggest skills, how is she supposed to do this? and i think this is where her impulsivity stems from, this want to help the team. and so this is where the scene with the mosasaurus comes in. in this scene we get to see this reliability savior thing shes got going on backfire on her, as while, yes, she saves sammy and darius, the mosasaur also goes straight for her.    

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep6 welcome to jurassic world, and s2ep2 the art of chill

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yaz, i believe, shows two major outlets during the show, both of which she uses to connect with people; her art and exercising. soo, lets talk about her art first, and how she uses it. when yaz opens up to sammy for the first time, the way she does it is through showing and talking about her art, and we know its definitely something close to her heart through the way she absolutely deflates when she thinks sammy doesnt like them, and with the portrait of her mom we see in the nightmare sequence, it can be assumed that this is how yaz has been dealing with her homesickness. and when yaz realizes sammys having a hard time with the goodbyes n stuff she tries to help by giving her a drawing of all of them. and while this is a small detail, there is the scene where we get to see yaz draw for darius’ field guide, even taking criticism on the piece. not super huge, but as we know yaz can be pretty down on her own artistic abilities, so the moment is actually kinda big for her.

now, to touch on her exercising as an outlet. while we dont get to see it as much as her art, ironically enough. its probably because most of the running she does is for her life. firstly, id like to talk about the moment where she talks to darius about “sometimes [we] get so stuck in [our] head[s] that [we] cant see whats happening in front of [us],” so, to combat that, we have to do something to get out of our head, something fun. for yaz, thats exercising, as she tells darius. for darius, thats learning new dinosaur facts. (as he puts it, “very different definitions of fun,”). and, hey, maybe it isnt her thing, but hes the one this is for, so she can put it aside her own feelings on it and most of her snark (most of). 

lets talk about when we can see this actually happening in season 5. now, this is where i, yes, get to talk about yaz’s crush on sammy. round of applause. when we first get to hear about her crush, yaz doesnt want to act on it at all. now, we dont get it explicitly, but based on what ive talked about, id imagine she is still afraid of changes in her relationships, especially with territory as uncharted as a relationship, let alone one with another girl. but when she takes her own advice, gets out of her head, and really lets her think, because, yea, change could be scary, but if she had let that fear overpower her in the beginning, she wouldnt have this now. (something something “its not finding your perfect half. its the trying and reaching and failing. love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one. is this really the boldest stroke you can make?”) and so she is willing to share her feelings, even if sammy doesnt feel the same. and in both cases it does work out! yazs advice helps darius find the beacon, and her decision to tell sammy about her feelings actual has them ending up together. 

episodes referenced in this section, chronologically:

s1ep3 the cattle drive, s2ep1, a beacon of hope, s2ep3 the watering hole, s4ep1 beneath the surface, s4ep4 rude awakening, s5ep7 the leap, and s5ep9 the core.

other media referenced in this section:

the half of it, 2020, directed by Alice Wu.

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some final thoughts/comments: i wrote this over 2 days w/ no editing. sorry if some sections are lackluster or whatnot. also based on my analysis i think yaz has adhd and autism because a lot of the stuff she does i do too, feel free to ask me about it btw. the quote from the half of it is only really tangentially related but its an absolutely amazing quote and movie. watch it. all the pictures are not mine. also i didnt really know what to say, but the scene where yaz, brook, kenji, and sammy are trying to make it to the boat is pretty interesting. ok post over

[superpixie42]

Pixelicious, 🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works? and 🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants? for the moji ask game, please and thank you 💓💓💓

! @anisaanisa ! Oooh you picked two of my favorite from this list and answering the second one includes major spoilers sooooo the full answer is under the cut :)

🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?

So my most common non-setting based tag (au/canon/etc) is "tumblr/based on a tumblr prompt" which makes me weirdly happy? I love answering prompts and I love feeling inspired by this community. I also love the idea of a fic being made specifically to make someone happy. Yes, it's public and it's for everyone, but sometimes in the big wide world it's just really fuckn nice to know someone thought about you and cared for a minute, right? So yay prompts and yay gift fics.

I also enjoy "you can't prove it's not canon" because those little in between fics are some of the most satisfying (in my not so humble opinion).

🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

I vaguely outline, but not with any kind of structure like gets taught in creative writing courses. For "longer" fics aka more than 500 words, I usually make a "guidepost" for myself at the top of a fic document to remind myself of why I'm in this fic.

For example this was the top of the doc for Snoring:

Prompt: And A snored all night while B went slowly insane

Immediately after Sango gives birth to the twins, Miroku can't come with for an exorcism but an overly emotional Sango refuses to let Inuyasha go alone. So he brings shippo, who does surprisingly well in the fight. Rain forces them to stay in the village overnight (empty hut at the edge of the village). There Shippo’s snoring and snuggling makes Inuyasha realize just how attached the kit is to him and how much they both miss Kagome (who used to snuggle him every night).  

Funny. Then grumpy. Then not really sad, but more a chance to overcome the sad with some acknowledgments. Fuck me this is gonna take some brain power.

Rounding it out: 

Inuyasha has been avoiding Shippo because Shippo represents too many icky feelings aka his mixed feels on Kagome being gone. Yes MirSan are allowed to move on, but is Shippo? Is he?

Shippo is going to go to the fox academy thing but Inuyasha decides he’s going to talk him out of it because he doesnt want the kit to leave (will shippo be awake for this revelation? Who knows, certainly not me, the author.)

All the dad and found family feels. 

and this was What's Eating You--which is even less formal..

The Plan: Kagome and Inuyasha bunker together at work. They only know each other passively through work, and are not friends but instead find the other annoying. When she has a breakdown thinking she’s gonna die and she has only ever had sex with one person, he jokingly shows her his dick to calm her down. But as the time ticks away and panic rises, they decide the best way to go out is with a bang. 

all the oral sex because yes finally they are getting jiggy with it all clear sounds door opens Miroku - aka Inuyasha's friend and a member of the Cleaning Crew (they make the zombies go byebye) is like "oh, well, dont stop on my account. but ps its all clear so if you didnt use a condom now is the time to fix that because you're not gonna die. have fun kids"

"As he shut the door behind him, Kagome realized maybe being eaten by zombies wouldn't have been so bad after all" 

Epilogue: maybe a mini scene that opens like a horror movie. there's screaming and shes disoriented and theres a useless body next to her and then she turns on the lamp and lets Inu Jr chow down on her breast while Inu snores like a bastard XD

😘 

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi Grey.

If you ever have the time I would really like ti hear more about your writingprogress.

Like. How do you come up with your ideas? Do you do a outline? Where and when do you write? Are you finishing all your stories before posting them? Do you fact check things? How long time does it normally take for you to finish a story? Have you ever regretting posting a story? Why do you write? Do you have a beta?

Youre one of my favorite authors here and I’m really just curious of the mind and work behind the story’s that I’ve spent so much time with.

weeping. I'm one of your favorites???? what the hell??? thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for being so nice. that just made my day.

i am going to put the answers to all those things below a cut to not spam my dash with a long post. but also, i shouldn't give writing advice ever and while i appreciate you asking your questions, everything with a grain of salt. because...i know absolutely nothing and this is just what I do. (and also, im an affectionate idiot so <3)

How do you come up with your ideas?

often my ideas start with a very very specific image in my mind, and then i go from there. sometimes they happen while im listening to a song (for example, FFTF happened because I was listening to Since We're Alone by Niall Horan and there's a line in there that says Why would you want to be someone else? I love you best when you're just yourself and an entire wolfstar narrative exploded, but i had to figure out how Sirius would be guarded in this particular way and....here we are) or sometimes when im on a walk or driving. also, as a total cop out, i write romance-- i get ideas from making foolish scenarios in my mind where people should fall in love and I'll never have a shortage of those.

Do you do an outline?

No! I don't. Once I have the idea, i usually start by writing the specific scene that came to me first (so for ten reasons, i wrote the voicemail scene first. i heard remus's voicemail in my mind so loud and clear and wrote it out) and i go from there. this is for my own unpacking but i almost always can see how things end in my mind before they begin (lol, isn't that a fucking metaphor; for a fun personal fact, I've always said since i was like...very little that i wasn't planning on living past 33, which is horrifying to hear out of a ten year olds mouth, but like...i still think its true). for almost all my fics, i wrote the ending first and then wrote around it. never chronologically. just everything that i want to happen and then i put it in some sort of order (i wish i could show you my doc for tight ends right now). and then i make them lead into one another.

I DO. however, do an obligatory chapter count. and i mean, so arbitrary, with no thoughts applied to it. NMTW i literally said 14 chapters, and stuck to it. this is the only structure i give myself when i write. and its my job as a writer to make sure i fit in there.

i do the same when im writing tumblr series. so like fault lines got SIX, chosen at random, and six it was. it was my job to tell that story in six parts. no more no less. (this is admittedly weird, i understand most writers dont work this way, but this actually helps me immensely. the only time i deviated was with FFTF when i added more chapters because the chapters i did have ended up being like TOO LONG in my eyes for a chapter, so i broke them up).

but also--i know other authors who DO outline and its helpful for them!! Find what works for you!!! I tried to outline once and the fic never left my drafts.

Where and when do you write?

To quote Shakira, "Whenever, Wherever"

I write a lot in parking lots on my phone. a lot of my tumblr drabbles are written on my phone and in a parking lot, ten reasons and tight ends were both started in parking lots.

otherwise on my desktop! in google docs! or if its smut, in a word doc! i write the best early in the morning or super late at night when i should be sleeping. I write when i can! Usually at my desk, or i'lll bring my laptop over and write while my kid is playing video games or we're watching something on tv. sometimes i write in the middle of my work day when i have a second in my office (this is also very quick and very on my phone). i just wrote smut at a nail salon. whenever, wherever.

Are you finishing all your stories before posting them?

yes. head to toe, top to bottom, signed sealed delivered. the stories are written before i post. this works better for me! i need to see the whole thing finished!! it also makes it very fun for me when readers are commenting and are like...in anguish, and im there like "tee hee, i know what happens next".

tumblr drabbles no. i pants those. fault lines, mercy, the pact (is part four written? nah but its started and i have no idea where its going to go!!!), the best worst thing to have ever happened-- PANTSTED. sat and written flat into the tumblr post machine. no outline, no plan, just feelings and vibes. (and yes this means that the end of fault lines was a pants decision and im very sorry it ruined everyone, whoops).

this again varies from author to author! most of my writer friends write as they go because they like to be align with the readers! or they work better chronologically and will just write and post and write and post, but again, this is something personal! do what works best for you!

Do you fact check things?

Lol sometimes? I probably should more often, tbh. I do a lot of geography fact checking because i couldn't map my way out of a paper bag, but otherwise, not...really. But also, my fics dont tend to have a lot of....information in them that needs a fact check. People are just falling in love. also, not to flex, but i have a big brain that stores a bunch of useless information and remembers a lot of things, so if i write something i usually believe myself (writing tight ends right now and putting my football knowledge to good use and there's been a few times I've been like "...hmmm" and referenced google and WE WERE RIGHT! so i mostly just trust my brain.)

Writing NMTW was also challenging because i had to reference SOURCE MATERIAL to see if there was a designated teacher for x subject, or when exactly school breaks were etc etc. but that said, i did not care about being accurate with full moons or course timestables or hogsmeade visits or anything like that. we...simply do not care. (this obviously does not apply to things that very much need fact checking such as if i were to write a medical procedure or something relating to disability or race/ethnicity/languages spoken; obviously do your homework for that.)

How long a time does it normally take you to finish a story?

Cop out-- it depends! Sometimes less than a week. (The pact is short, will be done by tomorrow most likely). I wrote ten reasons in four days. it took me 3 months to write an alleged wip though. it just....depends on my time and my schedule.

Have you ever regretted posting a story?

Sometimes! There was a moment when i was fresh on AO3 (pre-tumblr) where i got a few really nasty comments and it made me regret posting the story at all and made me regret joining AO3, and made me regret thinking my fics could be a thing or that my writing was worth sharing etc. I know I give FFTF a hard time because they're....out of pocket, but there are parts of that fic i really really like, and it seems to connect with a lot of people, so i can't have regrets about that.

i have deleted a few one shots off my AO3 though, because i decided they didn't need to be shared, but i wouldn't necessarily call that regret. just...re-evaluation.

Do you have a beta?

No. I do have one trusted person though who i send things to before i release them into the public, not as a beta but as.....a litmus test (to see how the fic reads but also for me and how i feel about sharing it in the first place; I've done it before with this person where they got something and then WEEKS later tumblr got it. Sometimes months.). I 10/10 recommend doing this. and i feel so so so so so so lucky that i found someone like that here and they tolerate my existence. but pre-tumblr, it was just me myself and i doing the thing. and also it took some time before i even trusted this person (did i mention im paranoid? and private?) to get my work because you can't take it back. and what if it didn't need to be shared? there are a few things this person has gotten that i havent and will never post. but like...im so fortunate to have that. you know?

I...am way too chaotic for a beta. and also have a very particular way i edit my stuff (because ND) and adding another person into the flow of that can get confusing. Too many cooks, you know?

Why do you write?

i saved this one for the end because my heart.

i think i've said before that like...a lot of my time as a child and a teenager and young adult in spaces was spent believing that i was a bad writer because neurodivergent and i don't understand mechanics of grammar or...words or...write in a way you're supposed to (outlines for example). and spent a lot of time giving my ideas to other people who i thought were GOOD writers.

but i...am a creative person. and sometime in 2019, i hit the biggest artist block of my life where i literally didn't draw or paint for a year. and picked up writing instead.

poetry, and then it evolved into romance, which i...turned into fic and here i am. and ultimately, i write because i like to. because its creative and it makes my brain happy when a sentence just hits, you know? because i believe in love and want to see more queer love stories and if i...can do the thing, i should, right?

i write because i...realized that i had stories in my head that needed places to go that i couldn't express visually through my artwork. also, ive mentioned it here before, that i am...young and have experienced an absurd amount of death and loss in my life (personally and professionally). and...well, i write a lot of fics about grief for that reason. i don't think i could ever run out of words for this (and have also published ACTUALLY on grief, both creatively and academically), and sometimes i write to like...sit with those feelings for a bit.

i...also think i write because i am a soft human in a very hard world in a hard career path who experiences things deeply and these things and observations need places to go. i cant carry them around all day, that's too heavy and my hands aren't big enough.

so i make art. and i dance. and i play music.

and i write.

i hope any of this is helpful. and if you get the courage to come off anon, i am more than happy to talk with you in DMS about processes or answer any more questions <3

[hannie-dul-set]

hello its me again !! yesterday I told you I followed u bc of your love for jaemin and your funny humour but today I want to add something else, and thaTS YOUR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS !!

i just finished reading the masterpiece that is Top of the world and I'm so shaken up by the excellence of the rich vocabulary, the sentence structure and just the way you wrote the various events that happened. I'm such at a lost of words to express what I feel you have no ideas, I will never recover from the high quality of this story. it couldn't have been better than that what you delivered and I'm just so so relieved to have been able to live this amazing experience of reading such an outstanding story. I'm sorry maybe you're thinking im showering you in too much compliments but you deserves to be praised for having written Top of the world.

I will always be amazed with how people who write are able to wrote down their imagination and wow, im still shaking like.. Im so impressed by you you have no ideas 🙈

moving on, this is the first time ever since I'm reading nct fics on tumblr that I came across this characterization of jaemin, and it is a real take of fresh air in the best way possible even tho he's really such an asshole like wow the popularity did go too high in his head I was so scandalized (in a good way lmao it made me amazed) with how an ass he was and like the way he ordered around jisung ???? djjdjffjhf I- I wanted to punch jaemin so hard 😤 I wanted to dive into the story and beat his ass lmaooo im sure you too, like I was rolling around in my bed bc I couldn't stay still and laying down without reacting ㅠㅠ

I dont know at what length of words the ask can tolerate but let me tell you something before I forgot ! I realized that every situations/events you wrote had a purpose, like you didn't wrote basic actions that we would pass over without much attention, and bc of that you held our attention during the 15.6k of words and it was so much overwhelming I couldn't stop reading just to breathe lol, you kept me going for so long and I really liked it im so sad that I lived this experience and I couldn't live it again *sobs* this is so revolting I want to pat your head you did so so well 🥺

alsooooo, when you introduced yn's character in the beginning, I was kinda afraid that he would bully her physically you know, like I couldn't imagining you daring to write him being more than despicable than he was but thanks god that wasn't what I imagined fjdjfj, the way he exercised his 'dominance' towards someone he didn't know just for a seat lmao, wow he got some real balls ?¿ I was scandalized a lot fjjfjffj but I was curious too about jeno's character in the story, he was so chill (I think?) about yn's being involved with jaemin from the start and I was expecting him to be an asshole to her just like jaem, u know ? could we know your motives about jeno's character in the story ? why didn't you wrote him like jaemin?

I will speed up a little fjfjj or else I will write you 6 pages of my thoughts lmao

but yeah !! so, I really liked the contrast between how we perceived yn's outside facade and inside, like when he make her kneels in front of him, you made us look at her from jaemin's view and how she looked not so bothered by his behavior and then you switched the second after into yn's point of view and how she tried to not show her emotions... *mind blowing* 🤯 not gonna lie, I was rotting for her to not let him mess with her head but instead her doing that to him and it kinda worked fjfjfjf and then I knew the moment he was surprised about the non effect he had on her that it was the start of his fall anD I WASN'T A SECOND DISAPPOINTED

I FUCKING LOVED THE BLOSSOMING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM anD the slight graduation of jaemin's becoming soft to her oh my god I had hearts in my eyes. I loved every moments of this story (I loved the entire 15.6k words of it, I cherished them), but the pool scene toward the end made me go feral for a lot of minutes like the picture you implanted in my head of him in the water made me post all my thoughts (also blonde jaemin? as in, make a wish jaemin?, god I hope bc fucking damn, he was so so so hot)

I was so emotional at the end, they got together and just, being the witness of jaemin's character development was breathtaking, I couldn't stop thinking about how smooth you made it for his character development during all the story, it wasn't forced or too quick...

It was perfect

omg.... [CLUTCHES HEART]. help oh my god first of all thank you ??? for leaving such a LONG long review omg ???? made my entire day ?? week ??? HQGSBWJ IN SUMMARY THANK U AND I LOVE U FOR THIS AAAA i really appreciate it when people just ramble abt my works it just makes my drive go ⬆⬆⬆ yanno HHHH.

when i was first writing this is was like "oh gosh....is it....okay to turn jaemin this much of a dick?? IS IT??" like i was so SURE people wouldn't like this characterization of him but i literally got the reverse 😭 never expected anyone to jump with me on my asshole richkid jaemin agenda bUT HERE WE ARE....IT BEING MY MOST POPULAR FIC YET HAHSJ. i both hate and love this kind of jaemin and yes i definitely wanted to drag him down from his high horse while writing (at the same time....i will let him drag me around as he pleases too 😳).

i'm very gratified that u think its cohesive and each scene has a purpose because to be honest i didn't fuckin know where to go with this entire fic at first LMAO i was just in a richkid jaem brainrot after talking abt it too much with my friend and this was....the result 🕴.

as for jeno oh mr. jeno lee....HAGSNSK to be honest, as this fic wasn't rlly that deeply planned HAHA, i just wanted a contrast to jaemin's personality LMAO if he had the same personality as jaems....insanely egotistical god complex and all.....i think this would have turned out to be a love triangle AHAHS GM SKW. bUT— but hehe. i have another richkid fic in the dusty corners of my google docs rn. a 00’ line fic in fact HAHA so totw jaemin and jeno will be making a comeback here (ofc this is an entirely different universe but their characterizations are essentially the same HEHEHEHEHEH).

anyway !! thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts on totw ;o; 💞 this rlly made my day no joke HAHA i'm so happy to hear you liked this aaaaa. and yes. maw jaemin was the cause of all of this. something snapped in him during that era and led me to write this very self indulgent fic. thank u HAGHSKA.

[nix-that-rad-lass]

A Bunch of Links, Receipts, and Sources for my fellow Terves

A Girls Place In The World by William Buckner About the reality of women and girls around the world https://quillette.com/2019/05/09/a-girls-place-in-the-world/

I Was A Lesbian Tomboy Allowed To Be Female; I Fear Young Girls Today No Longer Have That Choice by Tonje Gjevjon About the transing of gender nonconforming girls that would likely grow up to be lesbians if not for being transitioned before they are even old enough to understand what transition is. https://www.feministcurrent.com/2019/06/11/i-was-a-lesbian-tomboy-allowed-to-be-female-i-fear-young-girls-today-no-longer-have-that-choice/

Dagny on Social Media, Gender Dysphoria, Trans Youth, and Detransitioning. A transcript of a talk given by Dagny, a detransitioned young woman and member of the pique resilience project https://www.feministcurrent.com/2019/06/04/dagny-on-social-media-gender-dysphoria-trans-youth-and-detransitioning/

Ross Douthat Revealed the Hypocrisy in Liberal Feminist Ideology, and They’re Pissed by Meghan Murphy Self explanatory title https://www.feministcurrent.com/2018/05/04/ross-douthat-revealed-hypocrisy-liberal-feminist-ideology-theyre-pissed/

A Neo-Liberal Concept of Freedom has Allowed Gender Ideology to Take Hold by Heather Brunskell Evans https://www.feministcurrent.com/2018/12/02/neoliberalism-patriarchy-gender-identity/

Inauthentic Selves: The Modern [LGB(TQ+)] Movement is Run By Philanthropic Astroturf and Based on Junk Science https://medium.com/@sue.donym1984/inauthentic-selves-the-modern-lgbtq-movement-is-run-by-philanthropic-astroturf-and-based-on-junk-d08eb6aa1a4b

Politicians are Betraying Women in the Rush To Support Trans Rights by Jenni Russell Self explanatory https://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/comment/politicians-are-betraying-women-in-the-rush-to-support-trans-rights-xzvhcf7m8

“Don’t Forget”, a compilation of sources, receipts, and other resources on male violence, compiled by @astro-didacted on tumblr https://nixtheoneandsecond.tumblr.com/post/188876269165/dont-forget?is_related_post=1

Pretty much a masterpost of RadFem beliefs and resources, compiled by @unleashtherage on tumblr https://nixtheoneandsecond.tumblr.com/post/188804771810/radical-feminism-is-a-political-movement-in

PDF of Lundy Bancroft’s “Why Does He Do That” https://www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

The Wikipedia Page for the one and only TERF Icon, Magdalen Berns. She deserved better! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magdalen_Berns

A bunch of Andrea Dworkins works in a google drive PDF https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1i3r-gSizLC6UbyvM1ZJyCYMHtYvdss-S

Sex Before Kissing: How 15 year old girls are dealing with porn obsessed boys by Melinda Tankard Reist Self explanatory https://fightthenewdrug.org/sex-before-kissing-15-year-old-girls-dealing-with-boys/

Some tea on the tumblr porn ban from 2018. https://fightthenewdrug.org/tumblr-banned-porn-from-its-platform-one-year-ago-how-is-the-site-doing-now/

Why Victims Freeze Up During Sexual Assaults by Jackie Hong Tells about experiences, and the fight, flight, and freeze response. https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/wd7945/i-froze-up-when-i-was-sexually-assaulted-and-we-should-stop-dismissing-that-response

Why Women Have Higher Rates of PTSD Than Men by Melanie Greenberg (spoiler: its because of sexual violence and misogyny)https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201809/why-women-have-higher-rates-ptsd-men

The Difference Between Toxic Masculinity and Being A Man by Harris O’Malley Finally, a small handful of men are actually attempting to be better and make a difference! Took em long enough! https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-difference-between-toxic-masculinity-and-being-a-man-dg/

Criminal Justice System: The Actual Amount of Sexual Assault Perps, Pimps, Johns, Rapists, and Pedophiles that Get Away With It https://rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system

The First Legal Abortion Providers Tell Their Stories by Alex Ronan https://www.thecut.com/2015/10/first-legal-abortionists-tell-their-stories.html?mid=twitter-share-thecut#

How Much Does An Abortion Cost? by Charlotte Cowles Not only covers the price, but also types of abortion, prevention, and more on reproductive health https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/how-much-does-an-abortion-cost.html

8 Signs Your Partner Is Being Sexually Coercive by Suzannah Weiss https://www.bustle.com/articles/155328-8-signs-your-partner-is-being-sexually-coercive-because-you-can-always-say-no

Why Conservative Women are Okay With Harassment by Jennifer Wright This is regarding not only the general societal expectations which conservative women help uphold and enforce, but also why they are surprisingly okay with electing sexual predators to the government https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/politics/a23453699/conservative-women-response-brett-kavanaugh-allegations-sexual-assault/

Archaeologists Find New Way To Determine Sex of Cremated Individuals by Katherine J Wu Because we all run into those TRA’s that say its impossible to know someones ‘gender’ or ‘sex’ by just looking at them, or their remains in the case of those already passed. https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/archaeologists-find-new-way-determine-sex-cremated-individuals/

Analysing the Bones: What Can A Skeleton Tell You? by Hayley Dunning Again, because TRAs love to say that skeletons are ambiguous when, in fact, they are not https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/analysing-the-bones-what-can-a-skeleton-tell-you.html

Sex Determination in Skeletal Remains from the Medieval Adriatic Coast - Discriminant Function Analysis of Humeri Hmm, wonder what this is about. You guessed it! More differences in the bone and skeletal structures of male and female humans https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3692335/

Sex Determination from the Talus of South African Whites by Discriminant Function Analysis Woah, more information on telling skeletons apart by sex! Almost like human skeletons differ between the sexes https://journals.lww.com/amjforensicmedicine/Abstract/2003/12000/Sex_Determination_From_the_Talus_of_South_African.3.aspx

The Reliability of Sex Determination of Skeletons from Forensic Context in the Balkans Oh my god, whats this?? More factual evidence of differences in physiology between the *gasp* TWO human sexes?? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15567621/

Mandibular Ramus Flexure: A New Morphologic Indicator of Sexual Dimorphism in the Human Skeleton Okay, okay, I think thats all the skeleton stuff for now https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/(SICI)1096-8644(199603)99:3%3C473::AID-AJPA8%3E3.0.CO;2-X

Further Evidence to Show Population Specificity of Discriminant Function Equations for Sex Determination Using the Talus of South African Blacks Partner to a previously aforementioned article https://www.astm.org/DIGITAL_LIBRARY/JOURNALS/FORENSIC/PAGES/JFS2003431.htm

Why Talking About Bowie’s Sexual Misconduct Matters by Angelina Chapin Article about David Bowie and his misconduct. pretty much, you shouldnt always separate the art from the artist. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-talking-about-bowies-sexual-misconduct-matters_b_9009230

Witches, Midwives, and Nurses: A History of Women Healers by Barbara Ehrenreich and Deirdre English http://www.feministes-radicales.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Barbara-Ehrenreich-and-Deirdre-English-Witches-Midwives-and-Nurses-A-History-of-Women-Healers.-Introduction..pdf

This entire blog is gold. To quote them: Saying No To Penis is NOT Hate Speech [ffs] http://thenewbacklash.blogspot.com/?

Steven Hassan’s BITE Model about what constitutes a cult. You know, like the gender cult. https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model/

What Is Darvo? by Jennifer J Freyd DARVO is the reaction that many sexual offenders display in response to being faced with the consequences of their actions. https://dynamic.uoregon.edu/jjf/defineDARVO.html

Sick Woman Theory by Johanna Hedva Genuinely just read this, its too good to summarise http://www.maskmagazine.com/not-again/struggle/sick-woman-theory?fbclid=IwAR2cQyCRT5olIzkBGfO_F5HvES28bhdIcbUyc9g1W_p0L6o7U8gopDp5Kxw

Taking Back Your Mind: A Radical Feminist Approach to Recovering from Porn Use by Kitty at medium com https://medium.com/@kittyit/taking-back-your-mind-a-radical-feminist-approach-to-recovering-from-porn-use-8ae9347c3d8f

About Female Infanticide http://www.bbc.co.uk/ethics/abortion/medical/infanticide_1.shtml

About Female Genital Mutilation https://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/female-genital-mutilation

About Child Marriage https://www.girlsnotbrides.org/about-child-marriage/

Who Cooked the Last Supper? from @aeroposter

https://aeroposter.tumblr.com/post/166368772300/who-cooked-the-last-supper-by-rosalind-miles

Breast ironing: Abhorrent Practice Becoming Endemic In UK by Alexandra Sims

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/breast-ironing-abhorrent-practice-becoming-endemic-in-uk-a6950521.html

About Forced Pregnancy

http://www.stopvaw.org/harmful_practices_forced_pregnancy

Did Sissy Porn Make Me Trans or Was I Trans All Along? As if we needed any more proof that it is, indeed, a fetish

https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/2mn8au/did_sissy_porn_make_me_trans_or_was_i_trans_all_a/

Did Porn Make Me Transgender? Who coulda thunk it

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/did-porn-make-me-transgender.61492/

Jealous of Lesbians? Yep, thats right folks. Transbians really are just rapey straight guys with a lesbian fetish. https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/55zkbs/jealous_of_lesbians/

Just when you thought men couldnt get much worse... https://metro.co.uk/2013/07/09/peeping-tom-arrested-after-hiding-in-septic-tank-and-staring-at-people-using-the-toilet-3874756/

Houston Man Posed as a Doctor to Rape a Student

https://abc13.com/5730127/

Rape In War: Challenging the Tradition of Impunity

https://www.hrw.org/legacy/women/docs/rapeinwar.htm

Doctors & Sex Abuse: Patients Sexually Abused While Sedated

http://doctors.ajc.com/doctor_sex_abuse_sedated/

Man pretended to be gay in order to get close to a woman and ultimately rape her

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/man-convicted-of-raping-woman-who-he-allegedly-befriended-by-pretending-to-be-gay/

Complete collection of Andrea Dworkins work

http://radfem.org/dworkin/

[e8luhs]

Hey! So, since you run an actually successful fanventure, do you have any tips on writing one? Mine, Scratchwise, is still in the baby stages, and I want to make it the best it can be.

heres the post ive written about character development!

since most of my previous posts on actual plot writing have been nonexistent and very vague, HERE under the cut are a couple of things that i can say ive learned over the course of time and hopefully it will help you somehow. enjoy

obviously the first question that should be asked is this: what story do you want to tell? figure out themes that are important to you. study your favorite novels and analyze the themes you recognize, why you recognize them, and why they may or may not have an emotional impact on you. do you want to tell a story about recovery? about struggle? WHATEVER have you? ask why you want to tell it, and how youre going to tell it.

sidenote 1.1: sometimes you wont know what youre going for for a while, and thats okay. to be honest i totally had no idea what the main theme of cataclysmalbound until later into the game. sometimes this shit just pulls itself together and thats fine too, but i recommend thinking about themes early on because it helps immensely with foreshadowing and character development.

please god do your research if youre going to be writing about heavier topics. honestly this is a pretty obvious point but i still feel it needs to be specified. i cant even really begin to describe how not just annoying but downright frustrating it is seeing stories where people milk their characters trauma or really just have the audacity to write about experiences that they have no authority to speak about. if youre going to be writing about abuse and trauma, please take on these topics with care, and keep in mind that they must be covered with a sense of understanding, nuance, and with education; these are actual experiences that actual people have to go through.

sidenote 2.1: here and here are some jumping-off-point sources for advice with writing traumatized characters. again these are like SUPER JUMPING OFF POINT sources take it all with a grain of salt and sense of skepticism, theres also plenty of writing blogs on tumblr and whatnot which have typically talked about similar. just USE RESOURCES. you get the gist.

revise revise revise. listen to me right now, youre not going to go with the first version of your story. in fact you SHOULDNT go with the first version of your story, EVER, because your story WILL become better alongside you and your own writing style. give yourself time to let your story sink in, and adjust accordingly when you find hiccups.

sidenote 3.1: im tellin you that cataclysmalbound originally? was nothing like it is now and its because ive been working on it since 2016. i have obviously changed not only as a person but a writer since that point in time. i originally tried starting up the comic one month after the creation of the characters. guess how that went? TERRIBLY! because i had NO idea who the characters were, half of them were irrelevant, the plot was rushed and all in all it was a bad time. just like, let yourself SIT on it no matter how enthusiastic you are. i get it... i know... but seriously

be flexible. in my experience its good to have a plot but its even more important to go with what feels natural to your characters. im personally a very character driven person so it MIGHT just be me, but honestly if your plot is TOO structured it can be almost suffocating to the characters because it gives them no space for development, conversation, emotions, it leaves NO space for tension. dont guide your characters, FOLLOW them because it will ultimately be 20x more impactful in the end due to it being driven by your characters feelings/motivations/actions rather than just like... whatever.

pacing is important. if you have too much going on too quickly, it will lead to an ultimately unfulfilling and lifeless story. let things build up over time. this might not come naturally and thats okay as well! ive had to re-write and re-pace my story like 3 or 4 or HOWEVER many times because ive realized later on just how rushed it sounded. again: youre going to evolve and flexibility is important so that you CAN evolve.

keep track of your plot. duh, obviously. write it down, keep it in a google doc, keep it on a google sheet, whatever is best for you

sidenote 6.1: write down all of your new ideas too. “oh ill remember this later its too cool to forge--” NO. you WILL FORGET. WRITE IT DOWN. KEEP NOTES ON YOUR PHONE. KEEP A NOTEPAD ON YOU. you will thank yourself later.

talk to other people about your characters. overcome the anxiety! its worth it! not only will it help you with bouncing new ideas for plot points off of other people, but it will also give you an idea of how these events and characters will be interpreted. taking from not only your OWN skillset but OTHERS is really great and good and no matter how “solo” of a job youre pulling, writing and literature ultimately is about teamwork because of the fact that it can be interpreted and tweaked upon in unique ways by everyone.

when in doubt write it out. i have run into pitfalls where i have an idea of what i want to happen, but i dont know HOW to make it happen. what causes it, what are the characters intentions, how does it build up, etc. sometimes the best thing you can do at these points is just WRITE like, from whichever characters perspective is necessary and go ham on it. write out the aftermath, or write DURING the plot point, or write how relationships might be affected by it. genuinely it has been helpful to me for brainstorming, since it puts me into my characters places and helps me ask “what would logically happen based on how everyone acts”. sometimes its really as simple as getting it out of your head and onto the page.

sidenote 8.1: on the topic of characters, as ive stated in the “character development” half of this, if you dont care about or dont have a place for your character in the plot, ditch em. really. throw em out if they dont have an actual impact. if you DO care but still dont have a place, its up to you to make one.

sidenote 8.2: also sometimes you might have a character which you might really favor and want to give them a lot of like DRAMA but if you want to have equal emphasis on all of your characters, you need to figure out how to redistribute the spotlight.

finally all i can say is that the rest is up to you. to get all up and fucking poetic in here, the sparks of inspiration will naturally come from your own life and experiences and feelings. utilize that and also the ways that you as an individual garner ideas... because thats what makes your story unique ^_^ go fucking hogwild. apeshit, if you will

[historic-nerd]

Geek opinion #2 :

Red Vs. Blue season 17 redeems season 16 (spoiler warnings for the series up to episode 5 of season 17 you have been warned!)

Hello there fellow tumblr geeks and programs ! It's been sometime since I've had a geek opinion so I thought give my opinion on one of my favorite web series "Red vs. Blue" by rooster teeth animation the flagship series that turned a little production company in Texas to a internet power house that now gives us shows like "RWBY" created by the late Monty Oum and the newer but equally as big "Gen:Lock" that features the amazing voice talents of Michael b. Jordan ( who played killmonger in "Black Panther") , Masie Williams ( who plays the iconic role of Arya Stark on HBOs " Game of Thrones" ) and David Tennant ( who you may know from his role as the 10th Doctor on BBC's Doctor Who , and the current voice of Scrooge Mcduck on the newest reboot of "Ducktales" on DisneyXD ). Now I'm going to put my opinion down on two different seasons, season 16 that was released under the name "The Shizno Paradox" and the currently ongoing season 17 . By no means is this post hate in fact I love rooster teeth and the content they release, they have helped me through some of my shittiest times , however I will Express my feelings over season 16 and it may be harsh but I hope to Express my opinion on it in good light . So without further ado let's get this started!

"Red vs Blue" season 16 or " The Shizno Paradox" ( as I'll further more call it ) is a narrative train wreck and in my personal opinion the worst season of RVB in the entirety of the series. We pick up where the end of season 15 ends the reds and blues have defeated temple and his blues and reds , and are now arguing where to get a bite to eat to celebrate. starts off like any other rvb season but as the season goes on we get a totally messed up narrative that leaves us not laughing and more like ok that was ehh where's the good part and the hilarity that we all love. Time goes on ( no pun intended since we are dealing with time travel) and the reds and blues get hands on time travel guns , hunted by A.I./ Gods , and several Tucker incompetency jokes , Donut becomes more a badass and less of a walking talking innuendo of gay jokes ( what the gosh darn heck?! Yes that was a pun lol but seriously this is one of the better things that come out of this eyesore and earsore of a season) , Doc /O'Malley betraying reds and blues again ! ( watch season 15 for more details ) and it finally culminates in what's seems like the worst cop out in any form of entertainment history they break the time line ( trying to repair the damage done to Agent Washington that happened in season 15 another side story that literally made this season better ) the same time as Donut and Doc /O'Malley free the big ass bad guy for season 17 , the screen fades to white and we are back in the familiar canyon of blood gulch back to the very beginning of the series. As fans we didn't know if this was a reboot or this was a total ending of the show! the way it was made to look like that really made me dislike this season along with the fact that one of the main characters of the show Church didn't have the iconic voice of Burnie Burns (one of the founders of rooster teeth and still does the voice for the reds Spanish speaking brown robot Lopez) which we all associate with the character . The ending of this season just wasn't good at all then again the whole season was a train wreck. That being said season 17 really has redeemed this season for me and here is why.

Season 17 of RVB just came to RT first ( rooster teeths own streaming service one their website) on March 9th 2019 and we are 5 episodes into this new season at the time of this post and I can already tell you that this season is ten times better then "The Shizno Paradox" Donut has become a main player with more character realization , Washington has gotten back to his former self (sort of not sure if this is going to be temporary) we get some answers to some loose ends from previous seasons like where the hell Agent Carolina was when she survived her run in with Agent Maine. Already I feel there is a better story narrative and structure that season 16 didn't have , I know 16 was the lead into this story but I feel like this is more of straight forward story then 16 , you get an idea why this ( going back to the beginning) has happened and why there is a different church and why things happend the way it did. In a way the beginning of 17 explains what the heck happend at the end of 16 way better then the actual ending did ! We finally know who the bad guy is and not in a confusing way and we know how big of a threat he /she is . In my opinion it explains and redeems season 16 as a narrative.

That was my opinion again this was sorely personal and you dont have to agree but I would love some comments and opinions on what you think , and if you havent seen any RVB you should its amazing and you are missing comedy gold ! Again this was not a hate post it was an opinion on why one season made another better , hate speech is never ok people NEVER ! Thanks for reading everyone ! Hope to see some comments and hear all your opinions, what would you like to see happen for this season? Do you think wash will go back to his brain damaged version or keep this one where the reds and blues saved him? Again thanks again everyone stay tuned for more geek opinions ! Have a wonderful life ! 😁

[agirldying]

hey I'm back. I feel like a fool about to type this:

I really dont see myself living much longer.

being an adult in this kind of world is not just hard but also not interesting to me.

I didnt ask for any of this money shit my life isnt in its worth on paper.

our identities are just numbers.

I didnt consent to authority nor do I want to be within a hierarchy that I didnt consent to.

I dont want my schedule to have had to be fixed for me since kindergarten.

its not even just the trauma its just everything. my whole personality is not typical and my wants and needs are not "normal"

I know a lot of people can relate to hating the way society works and having government or at least how it works, I just dont want any authority or government. im anti- all of it.

I hate being told what to do. I hate having expectations. I hate caring about people more than they do about me ive felt that way since I was a little kid. im anhedonic I think idk. I hate too much and I feel like I give off sad or angry or negative energy so I try to act as funny and happy around people as possible.

my book or whatever I should call it isnt near completion. but ill post it online for free regardless. its too retraumatizing to recount everything. I get shakes. im trying to find websites or make my own to post it up for public view but idk what to use yet.

tbh the idea that I'M in control of my life and can end it when I want sometimes makes me feel euphoric and I think it helps to get through another day. well see.

Hi Cyber (should I call you Sabrina?),

I don't really know if you'll find much comfort in this but you're definitely not alone. I can definitely relate to feeling like adulthood is overwhelming and simultaneously boring, feeling a level of resentment for being thrust into a society with specific confusing and costly structures and expectations, etc. I hear you.

While I think it's definitely possible that you're anhedonic I also think it's likely that your ability to feel pleasure is covered up by a lot of things, including (potentially undigested?) trauma. But as for what you said about feeling like you give off bad energy so you compensate by being super positive, I have an extremely similar situation which I've concluded was impostor syndrome. I don't know if you've looked into it at all or if you think that's a possibility but I wouldn't rule it out either.

I completely understand the difficulty around recounting everything like that. While writing my expose I have had several mental breakdowns and at this point I just start dissociating and getting really spacey. As for things to publish it on, you could do what I'm doing and just make a spicy google doc. Or some things I've done are: Wordpress, Wix, and even its own tumblr blog. tbh making your own tumblr blog for it might be the best bet because it's basically your own free html website and you can change the timestamps so posts are in the order you want them to appear, not to mention all the different ways to customize the page (try viewing this blog through agirldying.tumblr.com).

I'm just really sorry about your situation and I do care about you so I hope that you live on and I just wish nothing but the best for you.

[sunnybimbo]

get to know the author

got tagged by mfin @grassepi like 10 days ago to do this!!!!!! /dab/

long ass post under the cut

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i explain this so often man its a trip. ‘jam’ came from simlish in the sims 3 because of that one voice line that’s like ‘jambabedo?’. i had changed my name to that on skype but when i was VCing with @namerine she could only see ‘jam’ and it kinda just stuck. speaking of: the ‘dingus’ part also came from her so literally this name is all because of her and i love her *fingerguns*

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

by FAR my most popular fic is my collection of sickfics: In Sickness and Health

the only thing that it got beat in was comments from Close to the Heart, but that’s mostly just because it had so many mfin chapters

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

b a b y y o s h i

i literally cant remember how i found this picture or why i chose it as my icon but its my Brand now. yoshi jamthedingus is me

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i literally have so many. there’s @space-peachx, @bears-again, @narwhalsarefalling, @ravenssama, and @miishiiwrites (for some reason it wasnt letting me tag ur main asldhasd) plus a SHIT ton of anon commentors who i love just as dearly!!! i have a lot more but these are the most common commenters and i love them sm i could literally die.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

there are like three fics like that and ofc im gonna list them all

hands down the fic i’ve reread the MOST in the shortest period of time is Sunset in Reverse by @demenior (who i cannot tag for some reason but i hope they know that i love their fic dearly)

there’s this i n c r e d i b l e sickfic by @bosstoaster that i just adore called Drown Out Your Mind that just breaks my heart all types of ways

and there’s this OTHER fic that also fucks me up called strength of the small by @nowweareunstoppable in which pidge is bad ass and also gets fucked up and i literally rec it to all my friends i love it so much

(also a special shoutout to been @velkynkarma‘s Whisper in the Dark. whenever i have the need for a good creepin’ out i LOVE to revisit this one because like... just the description of the Final Boss (tm) alone is enough to give me the willies)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

oof

i have 449 bookmarks from like atleast 10 different fandoms, and about 411 fics i’m subscribed to, give or take a couple because Math. most of them are completed though, but i don’t go through and take them off because i’m a lazy hoe 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

well i just looked up my ao3 and it says i have the most in ‘Alternate Universe - Video Game World’ asjdhsaldhsja aka my mmo au. but technically i think the au i write the most is Modern bc i’m but a simple farmer with a limited mindscape

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

i have 22 user subscriptions vs 199 work subscriptions + 383 bookmarks in total. nice nice nice

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

probably something with a more serious tone (compared to the fluffy wuffy fics i write) like, for example, fatphobia, suicide, and literally just conflict in general. i always feel like im trivializing all of it no matter how hard i try so i just... Give Up because i dont want the backlash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i really want to get better at writing conflicts, as stated above lajhdlsadhls. but also i want to be better at planning out stories because i usually give up near the 3/4ths point of literally every multi-chaptered thing i’ve written

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

definitely rarepairs. voltron is like the biggest fandom i’ve ever been in and my biggest ships are all hunk ships, and all of those are rarepairs OTL

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

35!

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

ignoring the fics i’ve completed and posted on ao3, i have about 52. including the above equals 87!!! m a t h

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i try to write them down but if i write down the thingy i really want to focus on in the fic then i won’t want to write it anymore because it’s out of my head. OTL its a complicated process.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

literally never in my life. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

definitely tumblr. i was in the dragon age fandom and there was this fic called The Little Kadan which had fem!inquisitor/iron bull + a baby so like i was all over that asap. i’m too shy to tag the author but u can find them on tumblr at sickly-writes ,,,,,,

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

nah not at all. i’m pretty Niche

(i.e. if you love shunk and/or heith + cuddling, i’m your gal. but anything else is pretty rare OTL)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

not in the SLIGHTEST. i call them all babes in my head bc i love them tho

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t know this @fenri personally but i love their writing so much. i admire their style a WHOLE TON and i think i may have sort of modeled my own after theirs? 

like i’m just thinking about it now but it’s definitely after i reread their fic (*ahem ahem* Like Crystal Guts) for about the fifth time that i started my whole ‘prose-y’ writing, which is very very recent aldjhsal

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

be confident in ur writing! if someone says they don’t like it, your work just isnt for them. just because one single person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean its bad!

r e r e a d what you wrote! i use fromtexttospeech.com to catch like... sentence structure/grammatical errors when my eyes are too tired and i find it helps a lot!

if you find a story you like, try figuring out w h y you like it so much. characterization? the way they describe things? because they use sentence structure you haven’t seen before? and then use that new knowledge to try to make your own writing style your favorite *fingerguns* 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i only started plotting fics since last november, which was when i participated in my first nanowrimo. i don’t plot for every single story, but if i’m lost or i want to expand a little, i slap down a bunch of ideas in an empty google doc and go from there! 

generally by then i’ve already written atleast a little bit, though.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i can’t even remember what it says exactly now since i deleted the fic after, but someone said my characterization was bad in a super old inuyasha fic. little like... 12 year old me was so sad ;w; 

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a bad comment after that, though? which is NICE

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

DEFINITELY any action scene. i can’t make them long or drawn out or else i’ll just be struggling and sweating and generally craving death. i think i just need practice but o o o o f

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i have a few hot n spicy prompts i need to finish that i probably won’t get to until next year salhdjsa

plus a few christmas presents! 

and also my pirate au, Wander, which only has maybe 2 chapters left before its complete!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

*sweats loudly*

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not in the slightest. generally, if i’m in a writing sprint or something, i’ll try to get over a 1000 for whatever it is, but that’s for the total and not for the session. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

definitely! even though i’m still shy, im a lot more open to constructive criticism (if it doesn’t come after my soul ;w;). I’m also getting better at being more descriptive, which is something i’ve always wanted! 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i have two. don’t make me choose

the first is technically cheating because it’s part of a series, and the series is my favorite BUT I DIGRESS. The Witch and the Mage (which is... one of my less imaginative names) is an MMO AU in which shiro and hunk are in love and also i have a vague plot outlined somewhere in my drive that’s pretty wild if i do say so myself. i may never write it but its there and its my favorite and i love the imagery i used in it.

the SECOND is a heith cuddle fic, because that’s basically my brand as a writer. it’s called home and i wrote it when i was very tired and couldn’t get to sleep. i may have been craving human contact? who knows in this economy. even though i see a number of things i wish i could fix about it, it’s just very self-indulgent in more than one way and its very dear to my heart. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

most of the fics i wrote earlier on are pretty bad imo, but i think the ones i hate the most are part of my You Are Beautiful series. it’s grossly out of character (mostly in keith’s case) but it was the first thing i’d written in about four years and i was so proud of it. so it has to stay up for posterity, tbh.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i really hope to still be writing by then. maybe with my own personal book in its planning stages atleast???  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) gotta be optimistic!!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

dialogue? also describing rooms. i love just... randomly popping out something that describes the placement of a couch in relation to a door. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

i always always always get distracted when i’m trying to write. if i’m in the zone, someone in my family is definitely gonna try to get my attention. it’s sort of become habit for me to just interrupt myself first so that i won’t lose whatever train of thought i had LMAO

33. Why do you write?

i like the way my words sound when i string them together in the right (write... *badum ts*) way. it makes me Feel Good (tm). 

also i love giving characters (that mean something to me) attention, because it’s like i’m giving MYSELF attention. a two-for-one!

Tagging:

@sleepyhunk, @narwhalsarefalling, @space-peachx, @sammythemattressthief, @bears-again, @kurosakiami01, @maternalcube, @ace-pidge, @darlingmuses

+  if anyone i tagged earlier would like to, i would literally be honored if you would do this! but no pressure, ever <3

[jonphaedrus]

Do you have any tips for new writers?

I AM NOT ENTIRELY CERTAIN WHY YOU ARE ASKING ME BUT I AM HONOURED TO BE ASKED? ANYWHO:

read! a lot! read as much as you can! not just of fanfic, although it is great, but read published work too! read academic work! read anything that you can get your grubby little hands on. the best writers read and borrow from everything they see. your style will come to you with time, but youll never get it if you dont expose yourself to lots of different styles. my best recommendations of the top “three things” to read for new writers are

any work by manic_intent, who is hands down the best writer ive ever seen in fandom

sir arthur conan doyles sherlock holmes—he does a masterful job of crafting story and character and setting in often very few words, and can spin a yarn like the best of them. also, acd sh is just good, honestly. if you havent read it, you should! also, les mis. its a monster but lord can the man write.

i cant recommend a single academic work, but something that tells a narrative. particular books ive really enjoyed are justinians flea, il magnifico, and hamilton.

don’t get bogged down in self editing. find a solution that works for you. for me, in short fiction (under ~5k or written in a single sitting) i edit in one fell swoop when im done. for long fiction, i edit as i go. so, when i come back to something after a while away, i reread, do edits, and then continue to keep the same tone. dont try and recraft every sentence you write! get the damn thing on the page and then make it good. if you have a really hard time with self editing, get either a friend to beta OR try handwriting. iTS A LOT HARDER TO SELF-EDIT. i do it for my original work!

roleplay. and not script or tumblr roleplay; full on lit fic roleplay. big rps can teach you how to embody a character, how to create narratives, and how to work well with others. ive been rping for fourteen years, and its made a huge difference in my work

writing is, like anything else, a practice skill. theres not a talent for it. sure, you might come in more prepared than someone else, but you hone a craft. and you hone it by doing as much as you can. if you want to learn to sketch you sketch an hour+ a day. if you want to learn to write, you do the same thing. dont start with ‘ill write 2k a day’ start with ‘ill write every day.’ everyone has a different pace. my sister and i, for example, both crank out 3-5 a day. my husband is happy if he can get 2k. it just depends

not everything you write will be good. dont be afraid to dump or restart when something feels wrong. its not shameful. (for example, i went through four versions of a fic posted last year and my current novel draft is take #5)

on a similar note, dont be afraid to try new things! dont be afraid to play around with structure. language is a living thing, it can change and adjust however you want. once you know the rules, break them. its the best way to improve.

write what you want to see. dont write what other people want to see. youll be unfulfilled. dont write to an audience, write to yourself. write what you want to read. i guarantee you there are people out there who want to read it. if you write for external validation, youll never be happy with what you produce. youll always want to do more. youll always feel like you arent good enough. be good enough for you. thats all that matters.

finally:

writing isnt easy. writing can often be hard. experiment with how you structure what you do. try handwriting. try different word processors. try outlining on paper, try outlining in docs, try outlining in scrivner. try taking prompts! try writing to different kinds of music! try writing original fic, academic work, fanfic! try roleplays, try everything. the more you know, the more you taste, the more youll understand how your own structure works.

dont let writing discourage you. writers block is the worst thing to ever imagine you have. it doesnt exist. writers block is a myth. if you get blocked. just keep going. even if it sucks, even if its terrible. just. keep. going. dont give in, dont give up.

you will have bad days. you will write things that you think are shit. you will be embarrassed, hate stuff you produce. youll never be happy with it. but dont let it stop you. the only way to improve is to keep going