#dont like being around people drinking and thats what itll be

[strangedisciple]

accidentally just accepted an invite 2 a party that i really don't want 2 go to oh fuck

[ins4nebxtch]

fr ending it all tonight cuz nothing seems worth it anymore like okay if im gonna be very honest i dont even get the point of trying anymore like it really really isnt worth it, the year started out kinda rough but i thought eh itll be fine but then like it went on and on and then it kept going downhill and see atp i still had hope that i could turn things around right but then i really don't think i can fix this like ive been trying for an entire year man idt anything is going to be any different. and before ik i was sorta depressed and shit but atleast i had some sort of energy to keep going but honestly I'm so fucking drained like idt im going to keep going. this anxiety ocd whatever the fuck it is im not self diagnosing cuz thats yucky like these fucking voices are genuinely getting too much, like bro wym smth very bad will happen if i dont leave the door hanging or keep my shoes exactly in a certain way or sit there and recite the number of fucking likes comments and shares on every reel 3 times. not victimizing here or anything but this is like -2 points for me no since i have to go through all this also and niggas who ain't gone thru shit in their life like the worst thing they've "been through" is getting scolded by parents for bad marks or sum get to sit here, fuck me over, laugh about it, spread it around to their friends who haven't gone through shit either js so they can sit here and judge me?? and then judge the way i cope w it too cuz they know whats better for me more than i do?? and dont even give me that oh ydk what others have been through like nigga even if they have 1. they should understand how it is and not pull ts and 2. if theyre going thru smth and this is their coping mechanism or whatever, just because your lire is fucking shitty doesnt give you the right to fuck up mine and laugh ab it. you cant outrun shit in this fucking city everyone knows everyone and apparently they love to make it so well known they dont like me cuz I'm some #1 alcoholic slut who apparently doesnt have a single nice bone in her body. i admit i was shitty like a while back but legit everyone who's sitting here and saying ts about me has done the same and some of these people have done even worse shit yet they face no consequencs and get to judge me?? its absolute bullshit. I've done nothing but sit here and fucking pray for things to get better and actually try to become a better person but im not gonna waste my time anymore if everything remains like this. you have absolutely no idea how much I've prayed to god, literally begging to fix atleast one aspect of my life but to no fucking avail and it's got nun to do w me being a bitch or whatever or oh it's js karma cuz i see niggas who've fucked me over 10 times worse having the time of their fucking life so god has no excuses. it's not even for character development anymore like okay bro ive actually been trying 2 change what more do i need to develop?? all these niggas do is judge judge judge like oh she drinks ew like nigga maybe the reason i do is cuz you or your friends dumbass fucked me over so hard that i wanted to kill myself?? would you rather me write yall fucking names in my suicide note and kms so the whole gang goes to prison?? fucking hell im doing these idiots a favour and they have issue w that also like bro atp id buy a fuck b4 i gave one (in reality i care a lot or i wouldnt be yapping this much) anw im done trying cuz if i suggest trying again im genyinely gonna waste 3 lakhs that my parents spent and theyll probably kill me themselves so i dont think i have any other fucking option anymore cuz im not dealing w all of this again. i swear to god bro if i actually die ive got a few niggas who i want paying the price for whatever bs they pulled or istg im gonna haunt them and pull one conjuring scene. oh and another thing ik they say iF yOu DoNt LiKe YouR LifE tHeN dO sMtH tO FiX iT like nigga past full year what do you think ive been doing like if god has this big issue w me then im also pulling one scene w him im going up there to see what his problem is

[lowlaif]

Konpeito

never seen a star up close.

kinda wanna eat one.

and no, not one of those starlets hanging out in ridiculously overpriced LA villas - now finally available in "sustainable" minus an ecological footprint rivaling the size of their range rovers. the owner will fly in from two towns over so they get there early for their yearly yacht trip and ill activate adblock so palantir cant pester me with 50-euro airline ads to the maldives because shit, money is going to be a bit tight this month

i want to eat a star. actual heaps of gas and space dust and heat and whatdoiknow, im not a scientist, id rather not belie my words by googling the exact chemical configuration of something thats just bright and pacifying to me, something thatll melt on my tongue. 'm not even gonna chew. just gonna swallow it. the way i ate chocolate as a kid because relishing in something meant enough time for it to be taken away. the way i drink medicine because - if you gulp it down really quickly, it doesnt have time to taste bitter: anything can be honeyed milk if you clench your teeth hard enough

did you know thats what galaxy means anyway? milk? i wonder what galactical honey would be, then. whether id think its sweet or spicy, whether id like the taste or want to spit it out. if itd go down with well-rounded corners or lodge itself into my throat and stay there. fishbones. i also wonder whether astronauts ever feel scammed when they set foot on the ISS and realize theyre not going to bear witness to a sky made out of sparkling lights and silver threads and golden spots and rainbow clouds but rather just a sea so inky black it's going to make breathing difficult not just by lack of oxygen alone. earths much too reflective for any other luminescent object to be visible to the naked eye, ive been told, hence why youd just be looking at a planet so bright it surely hurts to stare at it, and i wonder what it feels like, being up there and gazing down only to be blinded when youre so used to looking up and squinting?

im homesick thinking of kids drawing earth into the upper right corner of their drawings. i dont actually know if theres stars up there though everybody tells me those pinprick lights are, and i cant breathe when im busy trying to figure out what exact level of depression the stale air around me tastes like. but something in my brain clicks when i think of shiny things and theres no empirical evidence that grabbing the sparkly stuff up above my head wont cure me so i want to, i want to, i want to. wanting always boils down to sinking your teeth into it and ive filed my canines far too often to fear the force of my bite now

people dance on the moon and i mimic their steps in my bedroom and though these are just small steps i dont know the names of the poor sods stuck on the ISS either, even though there's only been like 500 of them and they're all way better at living life than i am. my hands ghost over where i instinctively know the light switches of my flat are and wonder if up there somebody's got a nightlight, cheap plastic stars attached to their ceilings, one of those little projectors that put constellations on your walls. whether they ever have trouble sleeping and if yes, what the hell do they look up at then? who do they cast their wishes to?

never seen a star up close. never held one. but the concept is so familiar, so ingrained into whatever our shared consciousness is made out of, that i want with my molars. i itch to keep it in my tummy so it keeps me warm on the cold days and i only trust what i see so i want to look at it until my retinas burn, until the sound of the big bang echos in the confines of my brain. itll drown out all other unwanted thoughts and itll sing in the genetic make-up of my descendants long after my neighbours cant hear me sing in the shower anymore. ill cup my palms and pray into them. begging is easier when youre in position and im on my knees and i swear ill never run out of things to whisper to the radiant little ember in my hands because it is beautiful and because i like shiny things and because stars have always made us look up at them and

When I finally get my teeth on it and swallow it whole I'm sure a piece of the star will get lodged in my throat like. fishbones. in a last-ditch effort at vengeance. I'll spend the rest of my life attempting to choke it back up.

"I made it with love," I'll say after I finally managed to do so.

"Careful, it's hot."

[mbat]

oh i havent listened to next semester since before i turned 21 this is doing things to me. hearing him say 'start fresh with a new year' is getting to me.

i dropped out of highschool when i was 14 because i was suicidal and in a really toxic situation that would (unbeknownst to me at the time) leave me with trauma that im still sorting through to this day, and it was a choice i made that no one in my life understood or liked, especially my parents. i know why i did it, but i never got over that choice. its such a... shamed choice.

i mean, theres a stigma to it i feel like, not that i need to get into that, but also finishing school is encouraged because jobs want you to at least have a diploma i guess, but also so you can get into college and whatever

and while im not even sure i have a chance at going to college, and getting a job sounds like itll make me miserable all over again, i still want to finish school. even if i dont even pursue either of those things, i still want to finish school.

not to mention, maybe ill make friends there. my traumatizing situation left me isolating myself, i have no real life friends, especially not any of the people i used to know in school. and i didnt even get to go through any of the experiences people always talk about having in highschool, though lets be real thats probably for the best lol. i hope if i get to finish school, that ill make friends.

before i get to my point, this song also hits me because it sounds so much like trauma, i dont know how to explain it in a brief way like im doing here, but the way it feels like trauma resonates with me, and its connection to school and starting fresh next year just all around resonates with me. it felt like exactly what i needed and when i needed it.

but my point is... where i am, and in a few other places, goodwill has a program where people who didnt finish highschool can sign up for that program, and get a diploma when they finish. not a GED, or even a HSE, a diploma. but you have to be 21 to sign up for it... and i just turned 21 twelve days ago as of writing this.

and im just thinking... i can fix my mistakes. i can just go back and finish what i stopped years ago. its felt so much like all my mistakes were unfixable, something i couldnt change or help, and that id be stuck with the consequences forever, frozen in place for the rest of my life based on things i did when i was a child.

but im not. if i get accepted to this program... i can fix it. i can finally get my life back on track after 7 whole years of nothing happening in my fucking life. ive spent my entire teenage years and even into my 20s rotting away, thinking my life was over... but it doesnt have to be. it really doesnt have to be.

i kept feeling like me turning 21 was whatever, just an excuse for my family to finally take me drinking and gambling even though i dont like doing those... but its actually the best thing that could happen for me. finally, i get to continue living my life. i can finally try to go back to being a person after years of not being one.

i dont even know how to make it sound as important as it is to me. words really cant capture how much this is so fucking important to me. i get to start fresh. i cant change what ive done, but i can start fresh. im so happy.

[mrthful]

Hey yall, this is a long time coming, and this is how ill address it TW drugs mostly

I know ive been gone for some time, on and off posting, and not responding much to dms. i want to tell yall that my intention isnt to run away or scam yall at all. things have been really difficult, so heres whats happening

My partner and i recently split up, and its honestly been a long time coming. our relationship had been steadily going down hill for a while, and it effected my overall motivation to do pretty much anything, like draw for myself, let alone commissions. theres been constant drinking and c*ke around me that ive been so extremely uncomfortable with, as well as being lied to, cheated on, and just so mentally unwell with my own depression, anxiety, and resurfacing trauma, that i couldnt tell what was true and what wasnt, with the constant lying and sneaking around and just everything, the entire environment i was in

it was harder since i was going to work so much that i never had true time for myself or to really work on things, and everything was so overwhelming for me since i couldnt take any breaks from work since my ex partner had just taken off work for a long time to drink, and i was pretty much the only one responsible for paying bills and trying to feed myself and partially feed the 3 other people with us.

i currently cant even live in my own apartment and dont have most my stuff, so im also readjusting to everything thats changed as well as finding a new job

i still need time before i can fully come back and finish up commissions, and i thank you for your patience, im really trying to get back into the groove of my life and move past everything, but its very difficult so itll take me some time, but i really would like to come back and continue making art and friends

i do have a full list of all owed art, if youd like to message me you can, but i most likely dont have an update for you, im doing my best to move past this and bring yall stuff to look at/what i owe

i just hope that yall can understand why ive been disappearing and re appearing over the past year, and i love anf appreciate the little community i have. out of all the things ive lost over the past year and a half, i definitely dont want to lose yall. ill see yall soon though, dont be afraid to message me!

[traumadumpcentral]

cringe

my first ever attempt at talking to or healing my inner child. i've never done it before but my therapist asked me to try. the very earliest memories i can ever remember are negative. honestly my entire life up until age like 16 is one big blur and the gaps are filled by people telling me what happened, mixed with small little memories that sometimes i dont even know if they were real or my brain just made them up. there are some i know for a fact are true. i remember my dad drinking a lot, and screaming and making these awful scary faces that i was forced to look at. i wasnt allowed to look away and even though now he's one of my biggest supports in life, i will never be able to get his face out of my head. it still scares me at 27. he would yell at everybody. he would hit my brothers and it would scare me. any time i saw physical violence i froze and it felt like my heart stopped and i wanted to cry and help but i just stood there. i shouldnt know what that feels like at such a young age. i shouldnt have known true terror and fear as a child. i should have just been happy and hung out with my friends and had good parents and a loving home. i didnt deserve the way anybody treated me. constantly yelled at and terrified and any attempt to speak up or defend myself or call for help was squashed and made it worse. at a certain point all i could do was just go blank and disassociate and just wait for it to be over. dont say anything, dont change your expression, just sit and wait for it to be over and then in 2 hours everyone will pretend nothing happened and then itll happen again maybe tomorrow, or on thursday, or a week from then if i was lucky. it seemed like a daily occurrence. and then i heard new noises that still sounded angry but different coming from my parents room. even without having any clue what was happening, my gut twisted and i knew it was something i shouldnt be hearing, but curiosity put my ear to the door. and then i grew boobs early and started my period early and hung out with people i shouldnt and found myself in houses i shouldnt be in with people i dont know. nobody should have let me in those situations. my parents should have paid more attention. they should have stopped screaming and fucking for 5 goddamn minutes and paid attention to their children. i shouldnt have had unrestricted access to the internet as a child. i knew porn categories before i was wearing bras. thats not normal and i would be horrified if that was my child. i would feel like i failed the ultimate failure. nobody paid attention to me and it was bittersweet. if nobody pays attention to me then nobody yells at me and puts me down. but then you start a life full of uncertainty and loneliness, and now that you know what sex is you know a way you can get somebody to be nice to you for a minute. i tried self harm but it hurt too much so that wasn't my outlet. i dont know if i ever found my outlet. i think my life was nothing but fear and anxiety until i met my ex and started smoking weed because of course i fell down that rabbit hole. my teen years were filled with stealing money for cigarettes and weed and being around toxic people that were no good for me. what happened to the little girl that was so naive and tried to cling to any innocence left? i didnt have a good motherly figure to teach me how to be a woman, or a girl. all i grew up being taught was to hide away and listen to others blindly. all i knew was to people please and it ended up manifesting in repressing any emotions or rage or anger, any spirit to fight back and set boundaries and express my emotions, and instead i hid behind this stupid wall of being as nice as i could possibly be to everyone, because no one was ever nice to me and i hated how it felt and i never wanted anyone else to feel the same way i've felt all my life. i didn't deserve any of this. it's not fair that other poeple got stable homes with loving parents and i was just weird and quiet and abused and sexualized and taken advantage of. i was just a little girl and i was abandoned.

[salaciousslut]

"nothing too special" nuh-uh! Very special, amazing even<3 you dont gotta pretend you arent a big deal around me, sweetheart. I already know you are<3

You can take your time with lowering your walls with me thats ok! Esp since uhhm i got an aries moon🫣 i'm a super passionate person, so i worry im over doing it sometimes bc its so easy for me to over do it. So if i ever come off too strong, dont be afraid to let me know. I wanna make sure im respecting your boundaries<33

I know youre fun to be around when yall go out, like its not fair i cant invite you out to places and hang out, like i love love love going out for the sake of doing something with the people you care about!

The artist is kid cudi 🫣 ive been real into his music for idk like 13?? years now if im thinking about it bc i got into his music around 2011 like everyone else who heard Day n Nite on the radio. It would be fun to have you there though!

School's a lot of work so i dont blame you for being stressed, i just wish i could help take away some of that stress. And good! Pretty things like you should be taken care of, so its a shame you gotta take care of yourself.

Wait thats so funny 🤭 also same i feel like if i ever wake up and take a shot i should pack it up and quit drinking. Like ive seen that be what fucked over some of the people in my life so im strict about how much i drink when i drink. I'll probably (hopefully) stay a light weight for a while with how i drink too. And i hope you have fun when you do!! Take a shot in my honor tomorrow night?🤭 and you get it!! Like the thing i want to do/consume can be literally right there 1ft away from me and i'll just be like "wow that would be fun to do" and then just sit there in front of it for the rest of the night like??? Just do the thing! 🙄 its soooo unfair 😔

stopppp you flatter me!!

of course!! communication is the biggest thing for me because i know people cant read minds so i try my best to communicate how i feel with others!! ill always tell you how i feel and you have to promise that you will too okay?? especially bc sometimes i gently bully the people i care about so i never want to cross any boundaries

oooh ive listened to a few of his songs too hehe!! i hope you have fun and drink in his honor!! i had no clue he was 40 tho thats crazy

youre doing a p good job at taking the stress away! i come on and i see you in my inbox and im a lil less stressed hehe!! but also i very used to taking care of myself so itll be an adjustment to have someone care for me

yes of course ill take a few shots in your honor hehehe!!! maybe a few margs, we will see where im going tomorrow!!

[threepointseven]

hi !! can i pls be 🌹anon?

id like to request a sick reader x scaramouche, childe, xiao (separate) hc

im so sick rn and just wanted some comfort to motivate me to do my homework 🥀🥀

When your sick

Type- HC’s 🌷

Flowers included!🌼= xiao x gn! Reader, childe x gn! Reader, scaramouche x gn! Reader

Note🍀= I GOT SO LAZY IN XIAOS PART IM SO SORRY. BUT UHM I PUT EFFORT INTO CHILDES AND SCARAMOUCHES SO MWAH MWAH HOPE YOU ENJOY!! AND OFC YOU CAN BE 🌹 ANON 😋😋💕💕 GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK 🌹 ANON 🤨🤨

Genshin masterlist

💐Your bouquet has been delivered <3💐

Scaramouche

surprise surprise hes a pain in the ass!!!

He does not know how to deal with sick people, the last time hes has to sort of deal with someone sick is when Childe got a fever and instead of taking care of him he poured Signora’s burning hot soup that she made for him all over childe’s face and then left him to rot

But now hes got you?!!??! A partner?!?! And he cant just pour the homemade soup on your face cause he loves you and cares about you?!?! 🤯🤯🤯

Hes not a great care taker but he’ll immediately order a fatui healer to help you out, give you medicine and such, and make you things to ease your pain

He refuses cuddles from you smh🙄🙄 your literally a hollow corpse of a puppet dont act like your gonna get a fever after a kiss 🤨🤨

“Achoo!”

“Gross you sneezed on me ugh what if i get a cold!”

“No you wont..!!! You know scara i dont think the amount of soup the healers are giving me is working.. but you know what just might!”

“Dont say cuddles.”

“… physical affection for a long period of time.”

despite his cold attitude and the sound of “i dont care about this fever or you” in his voice he truly does care, hes worried the entire time infact and even ditches on some of his work just to make sure your doing okay.

If you say the medicine is too bitter and refuse to drink it try to run away one more time and hell shove the spoon down your goddamn throat. And yes, he is feeding you. HE SAYS ITS CAUSE YOUR SICK AND UR PROBABLY SUPER WEAK BUT HES JUST REALLY JUST USING IT AS AN EXCUSE TO FEED YOU CAUSE HE FINDS IT SO CUTE AND ROMANTIC DVDJDBB

If you pester him enough he will cuddle with you, hesitantly but he will. He’ll stay there softly caressing your back and just listen to your whines and groans til you fall asleep

His first thought is to shove the last bit of bitter medicine you didnt want to drink down your throat but he instead just cuddles with you, softly blowing away the interrupting strand of hair so he can kiss you on the forehead lovingly.

“Better not get sick again, your a pain..”

he means well he just does not know how to translate “i hate seeing you sick it makes me wanna cry whenever i see you in pain” into something thats less direct-

Childe

his big brother instincts are immediately on. He knew you were sick before you knew you were sick😭

Hes so serious about it and makes sure your in bed rest for the rest of the day and if you attempt to get away to do work or something he will personally contact your boss and say that you arent going to work today🙄🙄

So so strict about the medicine and the rest💔 he has this saying in his head that if you dont treat a flu correctly quick enough itll turn into something fatal like the plague or smth🤨

He WILL cuddle you, Even if it means getting the plague with you🥱🥱🥱

“Ajax im sick! Im gonna give you a cold!”

“I feel so betrayed.. im being rejected by my own partner.. i feel my blood draining through the crevices of my body-“

“…i’ll sneeze on you.”

“I mean thats kinda…”

“We are breaking up immediately.”

With the laughs come your boyfriend shoving bitter snezhnayan medicine down your throat though-

He needs you to get better, its not like hes annoyed its just he hates seeing you sick so much. Hed much rather see you running around the town shouting as loud as you want instead of clutching your stomach and groaning in pain.

He definitely feeds you every single inch of food you get, he will be so dramatic when he sees you eating with your own hands and your own utensils like bro hes supposed to be feeding you🤨🤨

During the night he’ll help ease up every single part of your body you say is in pain, he’ll put an ice pack on your forehead and kiss every part thats in pain. Youll fall asleep in his arms with him continuously kissing your face sloppily till its red and youll wake up in his arms. He couldnt care less if he gets a fever as long as he got to hold you through all that pain you were experiencing hes happy.

Xiao

has no idea how to deal with sick people

Hes never gotten sick?? So like??? He asks verr for help and that look of “archons i feel bad for your partner” when he asks what sick people need🙁

Genuinely so clueless but once he finds out what to do hes already teleporting his way to bubu pharmacy, picking up the best herbs and giving them to you, he wont take “its too bitter!” For an answer you are drinking them.

Hell feed you your medicine but let you eat your food by yourself

Puts an ice pack on your forehead snd just watches you the entire time like a hawk🤕🤕

Its so creepy 😟😟 hes just there for the entire night and day in the corner of the bed watching you like 😐

If you pester him enough he’ll give you a few kisses on the forehead but most of the time he’ll just pat your head and watch you as you sleep

He thinks almond tofu is good for sick ppl??😓😓 so he just makes a hoard of almond tofu and force feeds it to you and when you throw up because of the sugar overload he feels so guilty 🙁

Literally if that happens he just stays so far away from you, letting verr handle sick little you before he feels better about himself-

Hes always so stiff when cuddling but just since your sick he’ll ease up and if your lucky enough he’ll kiss your nose for a second before blushing a wave of crimson and regretting his life decisions

[softpatts]

꒦꒷ִֶָ· . the obey me characters preferred nicknames (as well as their reactions because i cant stay on topic)

warnings: none !!

fandom: Obey Me!

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ᜊʕ っ◞ ˕ ◟c ʔ.. ♡︎ 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑠: ayee im,, not dead ^^; im soso sorry for not posting- havent had much motivation to write latley,, as you can probably tell !! so again,, sorry !! but have these,, kinda shitty headcanons ~ !! <3

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𝙻𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛:

- hes really old fashioned with pet names

- will automatically call you "Darling",, no i dont take criticism

- as the relationship progresses hell call you more,, such as sweetheart,, doll,, mine,, pos s i b l y babydoll though im a bit iffy on that one

- hes just a sucker for nicknames like those,, the old sappy ones,, and god the way he says it fits perfectly,, just the slight accent he puts into it is,, mWAH

- as for him,, he doesnt have any preffered nicknames,, but something about the way his name sounds coming out of your mouth

- god he loves it so much

- though besides his name his favorite would probably be darling/my love

- it seems so intimate and he loves how hes the only one you call that,, nobody else

𝙼𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚘𝚗:

- weve seen what this man calles MC,, his human,, he likes most nicknames as long as theres "my" in front of it

- though the ones he called you most are stupid,, idiot,, dummy,, you can see the pattern

- while that i s how he expresses his love,, if he sees its bothering you even the slightest bit hell stop right away

- hes pretty rough with affection,, but he wILL call you doll,, no doubt about it

- and the way it soUN D S AAA it sounds so pretty and god its just,, wow

- when it comes to calling HIM nicknames,, he loves being called baby (or baby boy,, but hell never admit to that one)

- no matter how long you two have been together hell get extremely blushy n flustered whenever you call him that,, hell tell you to shut up,, spoiler alert he doesnt want you to

- please keep calling him that he loves it akdhsk

𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚒:

- hes extremely akward with it at first,, and youll probably have to bring it up first

- i feel like hell call you his "irl waifu" alot,, or hell call you his "henry"

- though in the private of his or your room,, hell call you really sappy names like princess,, baby,, or anything with "my" in front of it,, though he only really calls you baby when youre teasing him

- hell stretch out the "y" n say it in a really whiny voice aA

- the first time he called you princess was one night,, after staying up for days on end,, he finally crashed,, he was close to passing out while leaning against you

- though before he fell asleep you heard him whisper a soft "night princess" AND OH MY GOD AKDHSK

- switching to him now,, he loves it when you call him handsome,, or your prince

- every time itll make his heart soar and hell turn into a fumbling blushy mess,, like mammon he wILL call you stupid,, and tell you to shut up

- once agAIN DONT- DONT SHUT UP HE LOVES IT

- theres been many occasions where hes accidentally called you a really cheesy cutsey nickname in front of mammon,, and god he never lets it go

- hell tease levi endlessly,, mocking him in a wierd voice that you assume was supposed to be levis..?

- but no matter how much he gets teased for it,, he loves being called pet names

𝚂𝚊𝚝𝚊𝚗:

-hell definitely call you kitty,,, doesn’t matter where,, in the bedroom,, in front of his brothers,, even in the presence of Lord Diavolo himself

- he thinks it fits !! seeing as he likes cats,,, and likes you even more,, what better than to call you his kitty??

- I feel like he’s also the type of person to call you baby,, but in a really deep n fancy voice,, fancy?? I think that’s right AKDHSK

- but he loves your reactions,, no matter if it’s getting extremely flustered,, or you doing it right back to him !!

- the first time Lucifer heard him call you kitty,, mans spit out his drink- he was,, surprised to say the least??

- after that it just pissed him off,, so aye another reason to keep calling you his kitty !!

- he enjoys any nicknames,, though if you call him master- WOOH lemme just say this man will go feral aA he loves it,, he’ll get flustered if it’s in a public setting though- he’s all for calling you embarrassing nicknames but when you flip it around all of a sudden he’s against it 😞

- (just saying,, thats a lie- he loves it when you call him that in public akdhdk he likes people knowing he’s yours as much as you’re his !!

𝙰𝚜𝚖𝚘:

-he calls you baby,, precious,, cutie,, all tho s e akdhsk 

- hell do it in a real,y high pitched,, almost baby voice n it’s sweet at first,, but gets annoying when he wONT SHUT UP

- if he knows it annoys you,, no he won’t stop,, he’ll do the opposite in fact,, he’ll do it even more !!

- if you start getting “angry” he’ll drape himself over you n try to kiss you while saying “you know you love meeee” drawing out the e

- when he does that the others swear he drunk,, actually drunk?? no,, love drunk?? yes,, yes very much

- he loves you,, and he’s not gonna stop showing you exactly how much he loves you !!

- now that’s what he calls you,, but ypu calling hIM nicknames ><

- he lOVES LO V E S it when you call him things like "pretty boy" "cutie" "handsome"

- they just make his heart flutter,,, and though he may get those all the time,, them coming from you just makes it an absolute gift

- hell often retort back with one of your nicknames

- "what are ya doing handsome??"

- "nothing really cutie~ i was planning on going to this new salon that opened up though,, would you like to come?"

- something about you calling him nicknames just,, mwah !!

- he also loves when you call his personality pretty,, or compliment his personality/traits,, hes used to compliments about his physical body,, but hi m and what he can actually do makes his heart flutter,, and hed actually get somewhat flustered !!

𝙱𝚎𝚎𝚕:

- He definitley calls you sth food related,, his creampuff,, dumpling,, honey,, sweetheart,, just really sweet n nice nicknames,,, he loves the way it sounds when he talks to you

- the first time he called you that was in the kitchen,, he had heard satan talking about these things that were common in relationships called "pet names"

- so you walked into the kitchen one night n it was the first thing that came to his mine

- "hey there creampuff,,"

- wh a t

- you had to do a double take,, but,, after a few seconds you answered

- "is something wrong??" please he thought he made you uncomfy,, or satan was wrong,,,

- "no !! i just,,, wansnt expecting that from you"

- hell call you nicknames ALOT

- first thing in the morning,, randomly in the hallway,, just anytime hes able to hell call you nicknames,, its gone to the point where hell rarley call you by your actual name

- he loves it when you call him "my man",, "baby",, "sweetheart",, but his favorite would have to be "my love"

- nicknames with "my" in them make his heart flutter

- the first time you called him a nickname he froze up and got all blushy

- he didnt at all exepect that,, and you sounded so casual??? what???

- he pulled you over you him,, wrapped his arms around you,, and rested his head on top of yours

- he didnt let go for,, quite a while

𝙱𝚎𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚎:

- belphie isnt actually one for nicknames,,, he doesnt think it makes any sense,, why should he call you anything other than your name??

- though if you ask,, or it comes up at all that you want him to call you something,, hell do it without hesitation- aksjak

- he calls you sleepyhead. No i dont take criticism- it doesnt matter if you nap as much as him or not hes calling you sleepyhead

- i feel like he also might call you his light,, or his sunshine,, just because of how he met you,,, n how at some points you seem like the only good thing in his life at that moment,,,

- "i love you, my light,, more than i could ever tell you."

- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD PLEASE AKSJAJS

- as for you calling him nicknames,, he could really care less,, as long as its from you he loves it

- one of his favorites is "my moon" you just,, came up with it one day,, and he stuck with it,, and its gotten to the point where hell barley answer to his own name,, which can get him in a bit of trouble

- "belphie !! get yer ass up and help me with this !!"

- "belphie."

-"BELPHIE!!"

- "hm? Oh were you saying something?"

- "yes i called your name like a hundred times or somethin !!"

- sometimes he just doesnt answer you when you call him by his name,, and hell wait and stare at you until you until you call him by his nickname

𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑠 🏷️:

-------------------------------------------------------

[krabmeat]

𝟷𝟶𝟶 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚜? 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢? 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔? 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛?

HELL YEAH FELLAS YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!! FIRST MAJOR MILESTONE BAYBEEEE LETS GOOOOOO!!

guys, i really dont think you see how insanely mental this is. like what?!?! i joined here cause a friend of mine was gushing about a writer here and eventually convinced me to get tumblr. they called me their "noob reading friend /affectionate" and now look at me!! not even a year in and ive gained a crowd? thats so damn cool to think about!! to think that this many people are willing to put aside time in their day to read some fics made by me, im floored man!! all in all though, i have no one to thank but my wonderful mutuals and followers who have helped floor and construct the fantastic beginnings of this blog. which is why im here to bring you all this event that i sincerely hope you guys enjoy!

🦑KRABS KAN MAKE WRITING EVENTS WOW!!🦑

ALRIGHT FELLAS, IM DOING A WRITING EVENT!! HERES THE RULES AND PROMPTS NOW BOSSMEN!

~rules~

only 2 people per prompt

despite me not writing romantic fics yet, all participants are absolutely welcome to!

no smut/nsfw, im not that kind of blog and i do plan on reading entries so please dont submit anything related!!

any and all fics glorifying and supporting bigoted or misogynistic ideals will not be tolerated or respected. this is non-negotioable but if the fic has any of this that results in the putting down of or generally recognizing these ideals as negative then that is completely fine!

you are to use the quote prompts in your fic (im gonna be loose on this though so dw!! :DD)

you can use as many different prompts as youd like!!

please keep submissions in mcyt territory as thats who i write for most. but this doesnt confine to just mcyts in the dsmp! go wild dudes, hermitcraft, third life, pop off!!

keep all fics for minors platonic and platonic ONLY

generally know and respect the boundaries for ccs

when asking for a prompt, please put who you will be writing for!!

TAG ME IN YOUR FICS!! I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH PLEASE ID ADORE IT IF YOU TAGGED ME SO I CAN READ YOUR WONDERFUL WORK!!

you can use and interpret the prompts any way you want! doesnt matter if its in the angst section, you see fluff potential? go for it, vice versa!!

~prompts~

~fluff~

"I swear, if you make us late one more time I'll tape a clock to your wrist." "Isnt that a watch-?" "Shut it!"

"Look! I think it likes me!" (@ohworm-writes with cc!beeduo)

"Man, how did I catch such a good person?"

"Yknow, your parents really did something great when they made you."

"WELL HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WOULD HAPPEN?!" "THERE ARE WARNING LABELS RIGHT THERE!"

"Take a picture, itll last longer~" "Okay!" "Wait you actually did that-?"

"That does NOT fit you." "Yeah it does! Just gotta roll it up a bit!"

"You aren't 'built different', you're just stupid." (@ohworm-writes with cc!tommy @jschllatt with cc!sapnap

"If it ever happens again, tell me. You know i adore you."

"Well..they dont even deserve you anyways! Just look at you- gorgeous!!"

~angst~

"KEEP F*CKING WALKING, THEN! CANT EVEN FACE YOUR OWN DAMN PARTNER! (or friend! :])"

"No, youre amazing!" "Then why arent i treated like it?"

"Do it again, see if i care."

"Guys..? GUYS! THEY ARENT MOVING!"

"Put the damn drink down and talk to me!"

"Its about time you get whats due, you know."

"So not only do you think im stupid, but you also think im still naive?"

"Just take me seriously for once in your damn life!"

"You'd better start running in the next 5 seconds."

"What do you take me for, a joke?!" "Wasnt that obvious?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now that thats done, heres the ask game part of the event!!! send me the corresponding emoji in my ask box and ill respond!

👽~ ill tell you a weird or memorable occurance that has happened on tumblr between friends and moots!

😳~ ill kin assign you and try to guess who you kin! (friends and moots only)

🍒~ ill rate your blog aesthetic on a scale of 1-10

🥀~ ill give you a bunch of emojis that remind me of you! (friends and moots only)

😎~ ill tell you obscure things i think are very neat!

🌺~ ill tell you a random interesting fact i know!

🦑~ if you send me a description of yourself, personality etc then ill write you a short ship fic with a mcyt!! specify if you want it to be platonic or romantic and if you want it to be c! or cc!(this is to work on my romantic writing!! friends and moots only)

💃~ ill tell you songs that remind me of you! (friends and moots only)

📕~ ill tell you something small or obscure i secretly think about you! (friends and moots only)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

now...onto the final part- HONOURABLE MENTIONS!!!

@myceliummenace ~ these guys got me into tumblr, some of my closest friends and theyve been supporting me since day one. i couldnt be happier to breathe the same air as these guys, they all deserve a crown and if you disagree i will chomp your hand

@niceimafan ~ an absolute saint!! i came across inks former writing blog and fell in love with both them and their wonderful work /p!!!! theyve helped me through some hellish times and are all around so damn open and accepting

@jschllatt ~ istfg this lady is just-- SOOOO BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT??? nat is incredibly talented and has encouraged me throughout my time here and i couldnt be happier with how weve grown as friends!! and i know, despite how wholesome and soft nat seems to be i promise you she knows how to keep a bit going like no other. an amazing moot, stay funky :]

@im-an-ungodly-mess ~ okay look,, i know i havent interacted with these guys for a lot buttt...CAN YOU REALLY BLAME ME??!!? LIKE CMON THEYRE ALL JUST SO COOL!!! the moment i met them i knew our chaotic energies would merge and boy did they merge alright. also theyre just insanely nice and super willing to endulge with me in my random interest which is always a sexy trait to have. 10 out of 10, these guys are neato

@ohworm-writes ~ ahhh wormmm, delightful all around and just a sweetheart....BUT THEYVE GOT SHENANIGANS- as well as being extremely skilled as well like, dayummm!!! i live for our bond over fandoms outside of the mcyt fandom and i feel blessed to have you be a moot! much love, dear!

@marcooze ~ bro....whyd you have to do me like that dude? being so gosh damn kind and accepting like that like sheesh all the stuff you reblog is gold!!! it can be the most cracked out post or the most serious and informational one. idgaf that youre a reblog blog, you mean the world to me and i shall place a supple kiss on your hand as bros do <3

@ramzawrites ~ THE FIRST WRITERS BLOG IVE EVER FOLLOWED!!! ramza dear, if no one has ever told you how iconic you are then PLEASE LET ME BE THE FIRST!!! everything you do leaves me in awe and despite your talent, you still have miles and miles of kindness and generosity? you are one in a million, ramza. you deserve everything and please know how much you mean to me. thank you for supporting me so much for so long, and i hope your days are filled with really cool rocks :]]

[sun-stormz]

Genshin Impact Visions & Gods

This has been bugging me since i started playing in mid november, but what makes a certain Archon give a Character their Vision. Considering i couldnt find any official info, I decided to do some research on each Archon and then on the player Characters we have of each element as of beginning of December 2020.

This will contain spoilers on characters & story!

Note: The travelers will not be included due to them not having Visions and having more then one Element.

I am basing this on overlaping themes and not on anything related to the actual Archon. I did add some info on the archons tho, due to this being about Visions and archons

“It is unclear whether Visions are directly granted by its element's corresponding Archon or by the nation's Archon. There is also the possibility that granting a Vision requires approval from both Archons. Yet another possibility is that they are granted by neither, and are instead given by the gods on Celestia.”

-Genshin Wiki on reciving Visions

Starting with my Favourite Element, Electro.

Electro wise, We have five Characters as of right now: Kequin, Razor, Beidou, Fishl and Lisa. The Electro Archon, God of Eternity, Baal, is the ruling Archon of the Area, Inazuma, whitch is the area we are getting in the 1.4 update in 2021.

To start off i read into any info i could find on Baal and i gotta say, she is a interesting Fellow. As of right now we know that Baal has locked Inazuma down and has initiated a Vision Hunt Decree, due to her thinking Visions should be under the sole domain of divinity. She also hasnt handed out any Visions since this decree which means all Electro characters we know have gotten theirs before this drastic change.

Now, why did these 5 characters get their Visions? Well each character has a different reason, from Razor wanting to protect those he calls friends to Lisa simpley saying it would be of use to her and just getting it. From what I've found there isnt really a big overlap in the reciving of the characters, but what is overlaping is their fixation on something.

Razor recived his vision due to him being fixated on getting stronger to protect his friends after he failed to while being dragged away by an abyss mage

Kequin was fixated on sharing her beliefs, that the people of Lyiue shouldnt rely on Rex Lapis and have their Pride and that their views are of Equal importance

Fishl was so fixated on a book series she changed herself to be like the main character, fishl and her Vision manifested in the form of Oz, one of the characters from said book

Beidou was fixated on killing Haishan, a sea monster, from a young age and recived her vision when she did so

Lisa is pretty much fixated on understanding magecraft and the cost of reciveing a Vision.

Now onto a easier Element, Geo

The Archon of Geo and Contracts, Morax, Archon of Lyiue.

Morax or Rex Lapis, was one of the oldest gods, defended Lyiue in the Archon war, the Currency in Teyvat, Mora, is named after him and as of Chp.1 Act 3 we know that he has taken the form of Zhongli and has retired as the Geo Archon.

Morax, Along with Barbatos, are the only two Archons of the Original Seven that havent been replaced.

Now, who are our Geo Characters? Noelle and Ningguang, two dedicated powerhouses! This one is fairly simple, thanks to voicelines we have of Zhongli since he came out as a player character (Bless the pity pull for giving me this man)

In his “About Ningguang” Voiceline he says: ”Despite the multitude of affairs she deals with in a day, Ningguang always continues to press on. A rare gem indeed. I'm reminded of the time that she used to walk barefoot from Yaoguang Shoal to the south wharf, trying to sell her wares as she went. Time is cruel to humans.”

Noelle recived her vision when Jean Acknowledged her hard work when she tried to get into the knights of favonius. in her “Vision” story it states: This was a lucky day that she would always remember, for she would receive recognition from two all-important sources this day: once from Jean, and the other from the gods. Her hard work has been remembered after all.

So for short: Hard working and dedicated = Geo Vision

Next up we have Anemo

Our wonderful Tone deaf bard, Venti or otherwise known as the Archon of Anemo and freedom, Barbatos, the not really ruling Archon of Mondstadt.

Barbatos is a freedom loving guy and refuses to rule over Mondstadt, the city of freedom and is by far the weakest of the Archons, despite this the people of Modstadt still love and adore their windy God.

I went into this one thinking “Oh this is easy, itll be love for freedom or something!” Nope, it surprisingly wasnt. Jean and sucerose recived their visions through their Determination it seems. Sucerose from doing her 159th Dandilion seed Simmering experiment and Jean seemed to be determened to be a good grandmaster and to protect Mondstadt.

That aside, i couldnt find many overlaps with the two, they are both free spirited and love what they do.

Now on to Pyro

Pyro, the Element of the Archon Murata who is also the god of War, is wielded by the fan fav Diluc, as well as Klee, Xiangling, Amber, Bennett and Xinyan.

Not much is known about Murata, Venti describes her as a “ wayward, warmongering wretch” and thats about all we know. She presides over Natlan.

Now to the characters, this was acually the easiest of them all: Passion.

Every Pyro user has a huge amount of passion that a rolemodel or Loved one ignited within them.

This one definitly surprised me the least and i am really excited for when we meet Murata and Natlan.

Diluc has the same passion his father had

Klee has a passion for Explosives that her mother ignited

Xiangling has a passion for food and cooking she got from her father

Amber got her Passion for Mondstadt and the outriders from her grandfather

Bennett got the Passion for adventure from all the old adventurers he calls dads, yes Dads as in plural, that raised him

Xinyan has a passion for Rock, tho i havent found out more of her story due to her being so new.

Now heading onto Hydro

Hydro, along with Dendro, is the only element where we do not know the name of the Archon. All we do know is that they are the Archon of Hydro and Justice and rule over Fontaine.

So straight to the Hydro characters: Barbara, Mona and Xingqiu.

I dont really count Childe due to the only thing talked about is his dilusion and i am rather confused on if he even has a real vision but i still love him lots

Im going to be honest this one really had me running the brain gears for a while.

All three recived their Vision as an extension of the self.

Barbara  got hers after helping a sick boy by singing to him to help him sleep through a fever, Mona rekindeled a learning aid to her vision, to aid her with her search for the truth of the rules of the world and Xingqiu got his after he explained the principles of his clans martial arts anew, litterally saying that martial artists should see Visions as a extension of the self.

Last but definitly not least, Cryo

Cryo, the Element of the Archon know as the Tsaritsa. We acually dont know her corrisponding ideal nor her acual name and this one was just as geargrinding as Hydro.

The Tsaritsa, Ruler of the fatui and the one that gives them their Dilusions, is one interresting lady. We get a description of her from Childe: “Her Royal Highness the Tsaritsa is actually a gentle soul. Too gentle, in fact, and that's why she had to harden herself. Likewise, she declared war against the whole world only because she dreams of peace. Her gaze was cold but pure, arrogant yet sharp. She was not only the sacrosanct Cryo Archon but a true warrior also.”

Kaeya, Chongyun, Diona and Qiqi, our current four Cyro userer, all have rather interesting storys when it comes to how they got their Vision.

All dont accept something

Kaeya felt guilty about hiding who he was from the family that adopted him after his father abandoned him to be a spy in Mondstadt, and told Diluc, someone he used to be very close with, the truth, since then he sees his vision as a stern reminder that he must live his life under a heavy burden of Lies. He pretty much doesnt accept the truth of his situatin and would rather live with that heavy burden

Chonyun is surpressing a part of himself, the condition he has, and as Xiangling says in Chongyuns stories, is denying a part of him. He trys to work around his condition and wont accept it as the way to go about how he practices exocrism.

Diona wont accept the truth about her father being a Alcoholic, and places the blame on the Alcohol industy instead of accepting that he isnt as high and mighty as she thought. She wont accept that her fathers bad control over his drinking habits is the reason he acts as he does and instead blames the alcohol industry.

Qiqi didnt want to accept her death nor does she really accept her Zombie like traits and only uses them when she needs to defend herself.

My theory is the Cyro Visions are recevied when you wont accept the grim reality as it is, if this is positive or negative variates

When it comes to the last element, Dendro, we sadly know nothing nor have we seen any dendro character in action. So that might be a addition later on.

I’m really interrested if we find out the actual criteria for reciving each Vision one day

[ivyuns]

landing in my heart: closer

genre: angst, slight fluff

word count: 2.3k

warnings: location is in north korea, jealousy, guns, car crashes, kinda rushed lol

part three of landing in my heart

landing in my heart information

“what did you just say?”

“i would appreciate if you put the gun away from my fiancee”

“she belongs to division 11. and for those who doesnt know, shes unable to release her personal information. now if you mind, my fiancee is exhausted from her recent mission she came back from” jisung told everybody. on point, your body falls onto jisung’s shoulders, acting as if you were actually exhausted.

jisung takes you to his property till you two are out of sight until jisung clears his throat. “you can let go now” without hesitation, you let go and immediately asks whats division 11 is all about. telling you everything, you enter the house with jisung trailing behind you.

jisung takes you to his property till you two are out of sight until jisung clears his throat. “you can let go now” without hesitation, you let go and immediately asks whats division 11 is all about. telling you everything, you enter the house with jisung trailing behind you.

jisung offers you a cup of water and telling you to drink it to calm down. you gladly accept it as he takes a deep breath. “house inspections happens randomly, but i didnt expect it to happen today. im sorry”

“well, im sure you were equally surprised by it too, so no worries. and you showed up on perfect timing too” you smiled at him, drinking the water then looking around. “by the way, are you hurt? are you okay?” jisung asks while hes checking up on you for any hurt wounds. looking up and making eye contact, you see how his eyes were full of worry. shaking you head a no, you smile at him and was distrubed by knocks on jisungs gates.

“captain han! are you there?!”

jisung goes to open the door and sees the village women, who had heard about the news about you and offers him food. feeling like he couldnt hold any plates, they offer him to help him and take it into the house until you appear behind him.

“o-oh! nice to meet you, captain han’s fiancee” one of the women says. greeting them back, you grab one of the plate full of food from jisung. before you two could go, they ask you where your last mission was, what was it about and how was it. expecting to answer all their questions, you replied as “im sorry, i cant have my information out there”. the women gasp, shocked at they way you talked to them.

jisung tells them to go home and have a good night. doing what theyre told, they walked away and you close the gate. “is captain han really in love with her?” “is this a one-sided love?” “look at her hair, it looks so messy!” hearing all the comments they made about you made you stop your tracks, as long as jisung. gritting you teeth in annoyance, you two continued to go inside the house and ate the food they made for you two.

as you two got ready for bed, jisung made you sleep in the living room as he slept in his room. talking though the closed door, you asked him if he ever went to switzerland. “sorry if im being nosy. but i saw piano sheets and an application form from switzerland. did you have a girlfriend that you would play the piano to?” with no response from him, you drifted to sleep.

after the years go by, yiseo is back in pyongyang. passing the gates, yiseo bumps into minseok, who smiles at her and lets her go first. yiseo smiles back and proceeds until she sees her uncle, myeongseok. “ah, look at my yiseo. you lost a lot of weight during your studies in russia.”

“damn, its always the north korean women who have the best taste” minseok tells himself, but as his bodyguard hears him, he tells them to be careful of what he says. minseok then tells him he will pay him an extra 10,000 won if hed stop nagging him, but hell pay minseok 10,000 won if he nags to him again.

as yiseo and myeongseok stops at their car outside the airport, she realized what happened to the other car. “uncle, wheres the other car?” she asks. “oh, i had to lend it to jisung” “are you going to pick it up or is he bringing it back here” “im sure i can go there and pick it up after my recital tomorrow” “huh?! are you sure? i didnt even mention you were coming back to him because he never asks about you” “what kind of woman doesnt remember her fiance?”

the coal mine.

cheolgang enters the coal mine and enters the wire-trapper room after greeting his soldiers. the soldiers gets up from their seats and salutes cheolgang. “ive seen you all work hard, thank you”. manbok hears cheolgang and immediately salutes him. cheolgang tells manbok to follow him into the back exit.

“sir, what brings you all the way here?” manbok asks. “ri muyeok’s brother is now in the outpost. so i need you to wire his house. theres a women in there and im using it to ruin his family” as cheolgang finishes. manbok gets flashbacks about jisung’s brother.

7 years ago.

“you see, my little brother is studying in switzerland right now” muyeok says in the car with another soldier. “mmhm, hes a piano genius with a full scholarship. but everytime i call him, hes always sorry. maybe its because one of us had to follow our dads path” muyeok replies. “did you wanted to be on the piano path?” “nah, i wasnt into it as jisung was so i took this path” the soldier nods his head. “but he told me when he gets back, he’ll play a song for me, so im excited for that. i bet itll put me in a happy mood”

manbok, who listens to their conversation, helping cheolgang with his favor; killing muhyeok. telling where the driver to go, they collied with muyeoks vehicle. hearing the crashing noises made manbok go numb.

everyones outside the village, looking though jisung’s car, full of excitement. eavesdropping from the gate, jisung comes behind you and tells you hes leaving. “wait let me walk you out. so those women can see what i actually look like since it was dark outside” “no, theres no time for that. also, here. tie it up” jisung gives you a handkerchief. “tie what up?” jisung turns you around and ties your hair up, securing it with a double knot.

heading out of the gate together, you pretended to play the good wife and walked jisung out of the house. before he could leave your sight, you grabbed his wrist and told him to pat you hair, as if you two were being real about your engagement. he then pats your house as everyone is disgusted at your actions. you then tell him to wave at you in which he did. waving at him back, he turns around and heads to the base, bowing at people.

the village women from last night shows up to jisungs house after bad talking about you, inviting for a kimchi battle, you refuse.

back at the base, all soldiers are in an array. “hwang hyunjin, lee felix, kim seungmin, and yang jeongin. all of you but the four of you, head to the shooting range”

with everyone gone but the five of them, they meeting in jisung’s office. “so what did you tell them” hyunjin asks. “i told them shes my fiancee” everyone gasp loudly. “guys just be quiet right now. we just need a plan for her to get back on the boat”

as the four men walk to jisungs house as jisung himself goes to where the accident happened. as he talks to the soldier that was the guard for the place couldnt see what exactly happened since it was dark but he took note on how empty the cargo was and how the front the truck had armor. a very sharp armor.

in south korea, sehyeong calls the people who are helping him track down minseok, telling them to go to the places where he think hes hiding at. at the family meeting, both sehyeong and sejun continue to fight over who would be the next heir. sanga recommends the la vie en rose should be over if your disappearance is longer than expected.

in the village, you can see how hard life is as a north korean. telling the boys that youre off into the house to get potatoes, you noticed a little boy stealing one of the jackets. as the boys saw, they quickly ran towards the little boy and manages to stop him, as a bag of rice falls off of his pocket. “let me go! i need to feed my sister who hasnt eaten in 3 days and because of that, she cant open her eyes!”

making everyone come back to the house, you grabbed food from the cupboards as hyunjin is speaking nonsense. “you really act like this is your own house. youre giving away food thats not even yours to some boy whos lying” after putting the food into a tote bag, as well as a small blanket, youre stopped as you see jisung. “captain han! hes faking it!” hyunjin yells out. “no im not!”

“shut up hyunjin” you shut him up. jisung tells the little boy to wash his face and hands before eating so that he can prevent getting sick. after he washes he face and hands, he runs towards his little sister, who is sleeping alone under cardboard and a small sheet covering it. finally happy to feed his sister.

after that is finished, everyone gathers around and spends time with you before you leave tonight. “okay everyone! today i will give you awards to claim once we meet again” “awards!? are you a general or something?-” “and the first award goes to yang jeongin !” you say as you cut off hyunjin. “now you have two choices. you can use your prize as we see each other again or get it now. when we meet, youll get 100 million won, or get 8 corn now” “ill get the corn!”

“second prize goes to lee felix! your prize when we meet again is have lunch with jiwoo or get the tv right there” you pointed to jisungs tv. “look-” “dont worry, hell pick the first one” you whisper back to jisung. “ill pick the first one” felix gets up and claims his award.

“third one goes to the most handsome is ... kim seungmin!” jisung looks at you with disbelief. “you can have a blind date with miss korea or any award youd like” “ill choose none” nodding you head, you agreed seungmin is like the boys in south korea.

“okay thats all-” “wait what about me” hyunjin asks. “seriously? fine here, have this shampoo, conditioner, and bodywash” as you threw him the bag full of the products jisung got you earlier. “what the- captain han you really bought her this?!” “she said it was essentials”

after announcing the awards and coming to the end, jisung gets up as jealousy is on him, and goes out of the house. following him behind, you take him to your thank you gift for him; tomatoes after giving the seller half of jisungs potato sack since you didnt have any money. however, jisungs not impressed since he doesnt like tomatoes and doesnt properly treat it well. “whatever, just water it and say 10 nice things to it”

the night comes and everything leads to the end. the 4 men are back, eating corn on the mountain near the base with the moon shinning on them. “i feel sad now” jeongin speaks, stopping the silence. “after all the complications, its now the end”

you and jisung go inside the car jisung borrowed from myeonseok. heading to the dock where youre finally going home. taking off the handkerchief jisung gave you for you hair and folding it, you put it in the middle. “thank you for everything. i mean it” you told him. “we wont see each other again, right?” “probably” jisung answers. “its such a shame that you live here.” “its a shame that you live there” you chuckled at his joke, creating silence in the car once again.

parking the car near the deck, felix’s dad comes out of his boat as you two walk out. giving him the ticket, he asks if its just you. “no, the two of us. ill return after she is on the other boat” jisung says as you widen your eyes at him.

going onto the boat and sailing into the middle of the ocean. “since we probably wont see each other again, my name is yoon y/n” jisung looks at you with sincere eyes. “my name is han jisung” jisung smiles.

“ah, im a member of the haeju yoon clan. haeju is in north korea right?” “im a member of hanju han clan” “the irony!” both of you laugh, making jisung feeling happy after a while.

suddenly, a flash a light flashed the boat. “stop the boat!” yelled the other boat who was trailing behind felix’s dads boat. you and jisung hid under the boat as the boat was stopped. the police were investigating the boat. “were here to see your honesty and see if youre trading goods or smuggling humans to other countries” “why would i do that?” the police stomps on the blue hallow board, which was where you and jisung were hiding.

“open up!” was what you both heard underneath. “jisung! what do we do?! youre a soldier you should know what to do. geez” you silently yelled out. “in south korean dramas-” “what?! this is no time to talk about this” you freaked out. “im going to do something. now look at me and dont be startled. look at me and nothing else”

with that, jisung slams his lips into yours as the door opened.

additional ending:

after you leave jisung alone with the tomato plant, jisung bends down and tells 10 nice words.

“sunshine, happiness, rose, friends, breeze, cheekies, family, flowers, love, and piano”

[barryjeanblues]

lup forgives lucretia. its an inevitability, its a century of loving someone and its understanding why she did what she did, even if it was cruel and selfish and blind. its being a sister, and its the way you cant not love someone when shes died in your arms and youve died in hers. when youve spent more nights curled around each other painting nails and discussing spellwork and gossiping than some people have been alive.

lup forgives her because lucretia is good and loving down to her very bones, and she is lups sister through and through.

lup forgives her.

but

but there are some days when lucretias shoulder brushes against lups, when that shock of curly white hair dances in the corner of her eyes, when lup just wakes up feeling the black silk of the umbra staffs cage more than she usually does.

sometimes lup needs to not be touched, or to be crushed in a hug by barry alone in their bed, or pulled away by a laughing feylike taako. sometimes she needs to be far away, or in a crowd, or alone. times when lup cant meet lucretias bright bright eyes and so she says "i love you but i cant today."

its because lucretia hurt her, because others hurt her, because too many deaths lie like weights around her neck, because they feel the crushing weight of impossible black silk and shes died too many deaths of her own for any one mortal to know and lucretia tore away it all and nearly ruined it.

taako asks lup once, when theyre both hidden safe in his pocket spa and too many drinks in and curled up in a nest of towels together like a couple of baby birds, if lup wishes she could just forgive lucretia.

"i have," lup says truthfully.

"no, like," taako pauses, searching for his words. "like you could forgive her and be okay again. completely. just be okay with her. with you. with all of it. the way we used to be."

"no," lup says. "i dont."

"masochist," taako scoffs.

lup laughs. "maybe. but thats not it. itd be like fisher, koko, the way you all forgot, and i dont want that. ive done a lot of bad shit and a lot of bad shits been done to me and if i just wipe it away it isnt fair. i dont want to forget. these, these scars and fears and pains and burdens are mine and no one gets to take them from me. i suffered and they made me who i am and it sucked and it never should have happened but its mine and its me and..."

taako recoils. "i didnt ask you if you wanted to forget."

"didnt you?" lups eyes have always been softer than taakos, kinder, more willing to find the good, but the way they glitter in the warmly lit spa makes taako remember that her eyes always been better at seeing the truth of things.

"...maybe. i just..."

"i know. itll get better with time, ko, i promise. and it wont ever be perfect. good, great, happy and good, but not perfect. but thats okay." she smiles, and her hand finds his and squeezes it.

"fuck you - whend my kid sister get so wise?"

"ive always been wise," lup says in a faux-haughty tone, "and ive always been the older sibling. also it was maybe the century of fighting the anthropomorphic personification of despair, or all the dying, or the being trapped with my thoughts for twelve years."

taako laughs, tears in his eyes, and leans his head against lups shoulder. "im older," he whispers in her ear, then drops an ice cube from his drink down the back of lups shirt. she squeals and retaliates, and before long theyre scrabbling and scrapping like they did two hundred years ago, and its... its good.

cos trauma doesnt work like that, like just moving on and being whole again, and taako and lup are never gonna be perfectly okay and thats okay. you dont just heal up and move on. you manage and you work it out and you love as best you can. and in the end, its good.

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

anti-fraternize john wick x reader

+++++++++ Request from @cynic-spirit : "Hi. Thanks for replying. I am a sucker for possessive and jealous John wick. Fluff please. How about they are out and someone tries to get her attention. John tries to hold it for a while because he doesn't want to create a scene. But then she kind of smiles and laughs back at the stranger because of politeness and he loses it. Jealousy kicks in and shows!!"

We are gonna do a small age gap with college!reader cause I had an idea 👀 i do hope you like it! thanks again fro requesting!

Song: fury of the storm by dragonforce

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

"are you sure about this?"

john asked as i dragged him up the front stairs of the frat house.

"of course, why wouldnt i be?"

he sent me look as we walked in the door, music blaring and lights flashing different colors around the room.

"dont you think its a little public?"

i looked at him mildly annoyed as we made our way to the living room.

"well yeah, thats kind of the point. but if it makes you feel any better none of these people will even remember that we were here tomorrow."

he laughed a little bit as we made our way to the couch on the far side of the room. i had seen my friend and wanted to join her, she said she would meet us here.

"i must say, i dont miss this at all. i kinda skipped out on college believe it or not."

i sent him a fake shocked look.

"no! you?"

he laughed at me. i knew what he did for a living, i knew exactly why he didnt go to school. of course i didnt know everything but i had a good idea.

"y/n!"

my friend called, gaining my attention.

"hey!"

i said, letting go of johns hand to hug her. she had a plastic solo cup in her hand already and had been dancing by herself in the corner of the room.

"how have you been?"

she asked over the loud music. then john touched my arm gently.

"im gonna go get us some drinks."

i nodded as he departed and made his way towards the kitchen through the sea of drunk college kids.

"ive been good, and you?"

she scoffed at me.

"ive been good too but clearly not as good as you, where did you find him?"

she joked, making me blush.

"work."

i said, it was half true. i was a new recruit after all. the only difference was that i still had a decent outside life.

"Isn't he a little old for you?"

she joked. i sent her a look.

"no, of course not."

she sent me a wicked smile, cheersing me.

"you always were one to attract older men."

she said before taking a drink. i smirked at her before noticing a guy dancing closer to us and backing away from him into the small space.

"so? maybe i do attract older men, but we love each other. Isn't that what matters?"

She shrugged, taking another drink.

"and what? You've only been dating a few months yeah?"

i nodded.

"Yeah but John's different, he's... Special."

She sent me a look before holding her cup to her side.

"so was the last guy you dated."

I shook my head at her as the song changed, a few of the frat guys dancing got even closer to us now. I watched as one began to dance at me horribly, making us both laugh.

"maybe he likes you."

she noted, making me roll my eyes as he began touching me lightly.

"at least hes your age."

she said, brow raised as another guy began doing the same thing with her, except she was way more into it. i was beginning to wonder where john had gone. this dude was making me uncomfortable.

"how you doing baby?"

he slurred, holding his cup in the air as he got closer, not that it was possible at this point.

"im fine, thanks for asking."

i said politely.

"you wanna head upstairs? i hear they have a great master bedroom up there."

he said with a wink, i let out a nervous laugh.

"uh no thanks, im taken."

he shook his head, downing the last of his drink.

"oh come on, youre just saying that, itll be fun. i promise."

he said darkly, tossing his cup to the ground. i looked to my friend that was now grinding against the other dude and knew i would find no help from her. Then John appeared out of nowhere with my drink.

"Just the way you like it."

He said lightly before staring down at the guy and taking a sip of his own drink. i was beyond grateful that he had showed up, just in time.

"Thanks babe."

i said a little shaky, and i could see it on his face he knew i was uncomfortable. he touched my arm gently as the guy stared between us. i just looked down, hoping john would take care of this.

"oh yeah, and im supposed to think this is your boyfriend? he looks like he could be your dad."

he joked, highfiving his friend, who was still dancing with Tashi.

"that may be so young man but i take better care of her than you ever could."

i looked up to john as he stared daggers into the dudes head. he just scoffed.

"yeah right old man, i could take you in a heart beat and leave with her fine ass on my arm."

my eyes went wide, looking from johns face to his chest as he tensed.

"that was a mistake my guy."

i said, barely audible, glancing to him quickly.  john placed his hand gently at my back causing me to look back up at him.

"what do you want me to do babe?"

he seemed like he was seething. i thought for a second.

"i think no one is taking this ass home but you so go for it. old man."

i said with a wink, he smirked down at me. i knew he would have too much fun with this.

"as you wish."

he stepped forward and the guy swung at him, missing completely. john dodged it and pushed him to the ground in one fowl swoop. a few people snickered at the sight as he quickly stood back up, rearing back for another punch. he swung again and missed, the two of them looking like they were dancing. then his friend joined in, john knocking them into each other. i couldnt help but laugh at the sight. he fixed his jacket and moved to stand next to me, looking proud as ever as the two drunk toddlers tried to stand and push away from each other.

"this isnt over old man!"

john looked at me and let out an exasperated sigh.

"will you get a load of these two with the old man crap? im not that old."

he shook his head, making me giggle as they came at him again. he punched them both one after another, and watched as they each hit the ground with a thud. i held my hand over my mouth to suppress the laugh, but even if i didnt i would have matched the small crowd standing around us. they were all laughing now, including Tashi.

"so, i know we just got here, but wanna ditch?"

i asked and he smiled down at me before nodding.

"wanna try that diner down the street?"

i nodded quickly, being absolutely smitten with him as he lead me to the door.

"hey! what about me?!"

tashi yelled. john looked back at her and beckoned her to join. she did so quickly, running to catch up with us. everyone watched as we left.

"so, i see the appeal now."

she said, light hearted as we made our way to johns mustang. i smiled widely as he opened the door for us both, her climbing in the back. i looked to her as he rounded the car.

"you have no idea."

[madeintimeland]

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌