#dont do this its bad for your liver

[savetheghost]

sometimes. sometimes you get your favorite wine. which is basically just alcoholic grape juice. sometimes you get it. and you. you drink the bottle. sometimes thats just how that is.

[toytulini]

Disclaimer im just processing some thoughts im not cancelling the show

have almost thoughts about how i find the like....narrative on here that if you have chronic "zebra" conditions youd want a doctor like House and wouldnt sue for malpractice bc at least youd have a doctor that cares about whats wrong with you but lets take it one step further. so often he does NOT give a shit about the patient and actively endangers them frequently with his god damn heoric era of medicine approach? non zero amount of times he gets a diagnosis but it comes too late, or he gets a diagnosis after their first wrong 3 guesses of the episode shut down the patients kidneys and they either have to get a transplant or they are just, doomed due to other preexisting conditions etc? idk. i know ppl are almost certainly exaggerating and just letting off steam about the very real failures of our current medical systems and the ableism baked in and All That Shit. i just think its weird how ppl romanticize House who STILL, FREQUENTLY, MULTIPLE EPISODES will actively dismiss shit in the exact way that is a problem in our current system, especially when hes being Forced Against His Will To See Clinic Parients, he loves to be dismissive as fuck of symptoms and if he was a real doctor i think he'd be fucking 50/50 on cases he Notices Something To Dig Into vs cases he dismisses as an Anxious Hysterical Woman Who Wants Attention, the only reason he's Right so frequently in his snap judgements is cos it reinforces the narrative. its like a crime drama that has the mastermind serial killer masterfully using "loopholes" and lawyering up all sneaky and dodging Justice and if only our poor little cop protags were allowed to do A TEENY BIT of Justified Police Brutality, they could Save Lives!

and like sometimes in the show they will have a patient die despite his efforts to narratively punish him. not to mention, i think its been at least mildly brought up and glossed over how much they absolutely do not think about insurance costs for these ppl for the insane amount of tests that find nothing and Wrong Medications To Force A Diagnosis they use? i think it was brought up once in the episode following a day in the life of cuddy where she had to fight a lawsuit bc a guys insurance like didnt cover his thumb being reattached but chase reattached it anyway while in surgery cos it was The Right Thing To Do and the guy didnt have the money to cover it and the insurance wouldnt pay unless he sued the hospital or whatever. thats like the only time its come up. whereas like frequently the doctor I go to for osteopathic manipulation tries to check in with me and make sure im covered by insurance etc and that im not going to go broke or get buried in medical debt seeing her.

idk. just some Thoughts. not a defense of our current system and all the flaws it enables and enforces etc. his approach to medicine is really reminiscent to me of what I know of the Heroic Era Of Medicine which i dont...love? and hes framed on here as being an asshole but would kill for his patients to get them a diagnosis etc. but hes definitely extremely paternalistic to patients ? and despite some good clippable lines about ableism and being against eugenics, it honestly feels like his stance on that is kind of a toss up.

[depressedzelda]

kind of thinking maybe I am finally reaping some of the many consequences of loving to drink so much as my liver pretty much started swelling up and hurting halfway through today umm <3 that coupled with the general mental confusion that I can no longer tell if it's normal or not + the complete lack of appetite I almost always have. ok maybe these things are related

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

sometimes the notes app ain't it, u have to do vent posts where no one will see it

[shimp-heaven]

Uh oh blood don't work good

[thursdayglrl]

re: drugs also... inform yourself and be mindful of dosage. one person's "chilling on a weekday" dose may be a "too high to function" dose for you if you don't have a tolerance/are just more sensitive. being too high does not feel good. also be careful of drug interactions especially if you are on prescription medication already. some things don't interact at all, some will trash your liver, some might make the effects of the drug stronger, some might just make you have seizures or go into a coma. like do a cursory google search first

[ghostr0tz]

Hi! Hello, just another local Vox in the neighborhood that wanted to say he loved the disability. Headcanons, questions and thoughts on if Vox would suffer from either Cluster-B either BPD or NPD and/or Fibromyalgia. As a liver of both of these, they certainly suck, but they do add to my experience as a Vox. Also Gosh it sucks that side blogs can't ask questions. Thank you and have a good Day!

Hello!!! Thank you that means a lot that people like my silly headcanons.

I very much think Vox is cluster-b coded, but my original post was getting so long I felt too bad to add other things...... (rambles under the cut)

I said in the notes that I felt like Vox felt BPD coded but I can DEFINITELY see him having NPD as well.

He displays a lot of grandiosity and self-importance, making WALLS against his true self and his public image, or whatever kind of person he needs to be for any given scenario.

MASSIVE superiority complex. Hes got so much shit under HIS name. HIS products. HIS show. HIS company. Its all Vox.

I feel like that complex completely warps once Vox actually considers you as your own Person and not some sort of consumer to sell something to though...

I could see the break in Alastor and his relationship being a Bad Result of Vox absorbing Alastor into his grandiosity delusions and Alastor reacting badly to it. And maybe The Vee's being a Positive Result of the same thing.

Extremely fragile image of himself that is prone to fracturing with criticism. Vulnerable to those he cares about (good or bad) and takes things very personal easily as we see in Stayed Gone....

Very Copedendant to people he lets in

Hatred for Alastor being vocalized so much and so publicly due to his NPD self-importance and need for approval and attention. Unable to understand why nobody cares as much as he does about Alastor being back.

Under the lens of Vox having BPD it is so clear that Alastor was in the position of being his Favorite Person:

Vox mimicking Alastor in SEVERAL ways

Obsessing over him for years, and even their relationship break could very easily be seen as Vox splitting on Alastor? or at least to me

His immediate fixation on Alastor again once realizing hes just walking around....

I feel like Valentino and Vox fuel each other's BPD and Vox and Velvette both could have NPD together,,

His obsession over Alastor feel like a man who has yet to get over his favorite person........

Interesting to think about Alastor being his First person he obsessed over and depended on which is why hes such a touchy subject and so personal.

ALSO Vox with Fibromyalgia is VERY real and definitely can see it. Vox is some sort of chronic pain is very based i think. I just KNOWWW his legs are bad but so is literally all of his body and hes SOOOO tired of it but theres things and work to do.

I dont think hed let himself have a lot of Bad Days to nurse his pain too much unless its Genuinely unbearable or hes being physically pulled away from his desk.

Thank you for the ask i loved writing these!!

[coldresolve]

hi, anon who asked about your writing process here 👋

i have returned from the trenches (university tests) to ask some specific(ish) questions.

1. how do you choreograph fights? they're quite easy to follow along, exciting/unique, and still maintain a sense of realism, all of which i tend to struggle with.

2. how do you write renee's internal monologue, especially when it comes to his little panicked moments and varying pacing?

3. how do you build and release tension so effectively in the story itself? obsessed with the "Renee stops running" part

4. how do you switch perspectives fluidly?

ik it's a lot of questions, but this is the condensed version so i count it as a win (?)

my favourite way to procrastinate recently has been annotating mm and i just. need to understand how your writing brain works a little. thanks :)

obligatory 'writing is subjective so take what you find useful and discard the stuff doesnt apply to you' and 'im not an expert in anything, this is just the shit i try to keep in mind' and 'i may sound disjointed as hell cause its 4am 5am and i cant sleep' etc

under a cut for mercy reasons

writing fight scenes

things you need to set up for your readers: character drives and aim with the fight itself, the stakes of losing, and how it all ties in with your wider story

things for you to keep in mind: how much fighting experience your character have, how your character's state of mind affects their behavior, their relationship to violence and/or how far they're willing to go

subverting expectations will keep people on their toes. this can be as simple as changing the stakes of the fight midway through, or having a character do something that isn't typical for them (which you should set up before so it doesnt feel too out of place)

make each (or most) impact/s mean something. getting kicked in the side of the mid-thigh will make a character limp for a bit; a hard enough hit to the liver will make anyone crumple; etc. dont make your characters, no matter how badass theyre supposed to be, immune to this, since that would erase the stakes entirely

fights are usually chaotic and short-lived. depends on what genre you're writing, though

give your characters (short) moments to react to what their opponent is doing/trying to do. dialogue is cool, but keep it sparse. people generally don't prioritize clever quips when theyre beating the shit out of each other. sometimes a simple "motherfucker" is enough

im bad at this one but characters using their environment during fights is fucken nice and helps with immersion

fights are more or less just a string of reaction-action over and over, and it can get sort of repetitive going back and forth to describe every punch, since it removes your reader's ability to imagine or read between the lines. meanwhile, if you never go deeper than 'they exchanged blows', you lose all sense of atmosphere - it's not supposed to feel like a detached news report, you want your readers to be there. so writing fight scenes is basically a balancing act in detail - how much to show, how much to suggest. whats the right answer? there is none, sorry. no two authors will have the same approach, but both can pump out riveting shit with wildly different approaches. its something you learn over time. im personally in the lots-of-detail camp

people will tell you that sentence length matters, but thats bullshit imo, it's just about using flow effectively. a good example of what i mean: short sentences make the pace seem quicker, but run-on sentences in particular have this neat thing where they can make your readers almost out of breath by the end of it, which is also pretty useful when you're writing something high-tension.

there's tons more shit than this but my brain is a puddle of goo, so

renee's internal monologue

ayyy! internal monologue is your opportunity to shovel around the grey matter of your characters, its the Good Stuff imo. in the case of mm, the plot is largely driven by character development, so its been hella important to me to express why each character (except davin) does what they do, what thought process lead them to change their minds, and in renee's case - the flaws in his reasoning, the lies he tells himself, and how he reacts when those things no longer help him cope with what he's done

pacing is sth im insanely mindful of but unable to effectively put into words lmfao. if you mean renee's entire internal arc, it follows the narrative tension in the story; renee is the protagonist, he's the one driving the plot forward. as for pacing out any internal monologue itself, i try to have it follow somewhat of a 3 beat structure with setup/elaboration/conclusion (most of what i write happens in 3s), but some monologues have veered off if i felt like it was called for (it's a vibes thing). flow is important: one thought has to lead to the next, and it has to reach a "logical" conclusion (whatever the character decides is logical at that point of their arc). it has to be relevant to the plot obv, and the atmosphere also has to compliment the scene/chapter it exists in. otherwise, yeah, like. theres not much of a difference between pacing a normal scene and pacing an internal monologue

building and releasing tension

idk if you saw it but i made a whole post squeezing mm into a model for narrative tension here

so ok, listen. this is all wishy washy and means nothing, except it means everything. its the entire structure of your story which is pretty important, but like also its just a vibe thing. the reason you've heard about setup/payoff in writing advice circles is because of the build and release of tension. it's a pacing thing. if you set something up without having a payoff down the line, unless you're writing a mystery and your setup is a red herring, your readers are gonna come away disappointed. it's about what rhythm you've established and how an average person might expect it to continue. we're making music here. if you payoff something (payoff is a verb now) without having set it up previously, you've essentially just smashed all the piano keys in the middle of claire de lune with no warning. and you can do that, but you have to know that that's what you're doing, otherwise its gonna sound like you smashed all the keys solely to keep your audience on edge, even though it adds nothing to the song itself. this is all pacing. everything is pacing, including tension

building and releasing tension is about making music. you typically start out low and then you gradually turn it up. and you might have a moment where it gets a little low again but now the audience knows its been up there before so there's more intrigue, you've set an expectation. and then you build it and you take it a little further than the last time. you add harmonics maybe, if harmonics are your thing. you keep teasing the climax. that sounds like sex and to be fair music is kinda like sex. so is narrative tension. you add a funky little kazoo in there an the crowd definitely did not expect that, but if you've got a vision, you might just pull it off. it's about atmosphere. you're not just setting up for the grand finale, you're setting up a hundred tiny peaks along the way, meeting each as you go. it's like you're walking toward the harvest while hauling the plow behind you. (that made no sense. kinda like sex.*) (*= i'm ace). and then eventually, bam, cymbals and headbanging and shit. if you've done your due diligence in the gradual buildup, that release feels earned

switching perspective

i may be stupid and/or just kinda tired but i dont understand this question rn lmfao. ig i just treat it like i would going from any one scene to another

in conclusion

thank u for the questions. apologies for making it weird. in my defense, it is very difficult to explain pacing, and also its 5am now

[cogbreath]

if i live i gotta make life changes let me be honest with u guys ive not been drinking alcohol meant for humans consumption ive been drinking dilluted cleaning alcohol because i really do need substances to ease my pains in life but i cant drive no license and i ran out of the shared weed supply me and my mom use and im really too shy to confide in her like "yeah so basically i cwnt live without drugs" which IS stupid because she is a former addict herself she would understand and not be mad at me but tbh im a very private person irl i dont like to verbally talk to people about things at all because it causes me a lot of struggle and distress to and irl im not really a verbal person. im not NONVERBAL entirely but i genuinely do struggle with speaking as an act so yeah. its a lot of shit. anyway cuz of all that i resorted to drinking dilluted fucking chemicals sbout it. fuckigng stupid i promise you guys if i survive this i wont do it again or if i do out of desperation it wil be because i tried rlly elly hard not to but needed an escape. idk if u guys entirely understand these sorts of circumstances i feel like the wider tumblr userbase isnt intimate with this kind of thing but i also know you guys generally want to be good ppl and i understand your lack of familiarity with this topic doesnt mean u hate me. nd we all have been taught awful things about drug use and addicts. pls kno that when shit like this happens it's not cuz we r selfish or stupid or anything like that its because we are fuckin desperate and whatever it is in our life be it mental illness physical illness etc, is hurting us to make us resort to this shit. yes it was a stupid act i i feel bad as fuck right now for what ive done to myself and my body and i worry also that if i survive it , that it migut fuck up my future, cuz the liver damage may jeapordize my ability to transition. and idk maybe this is sxary for you guys too maybe you feel uncomfortable hearing about it at all but honestly i dotn have anyone else you guys mean a lot to me and im including you guys because i care about you and i feel you care about me.

[swimmingclassicrockpizzawombat]

TW: suicide and violence.

.

.

.

.

Is there an effective way to commit unalive that's not overdosing on opioids? (I obviously don't have fentanyl)

Everyone has given up on me. Not even therapists could do shit.

I am making a plan and am like idk brainstorming. I dont want to just attempt again, I want to succeed in smth for once.

I know hanging yourself is almost as bad as holding your breath. Your survival instincts kick in and in the case of hanging it takes at least 7 minutes.

Same thing with that it's really hard to break your neck unless you do it from a greater height and the rope might break.

Jumping from a great height is risky (although this might be a good option) unless you fall from like, thousands of feet. You risk just getting injured and ending up paralysed. Plus, you have go snesk into a tall building

Cutting your veins is statistically not very effective as you have to find a specific artery.

Shooting yourself: idk the chances of missing a significant portion of your brain are high so its recommended you use 2 guns on each side even then you can risk brain damage and I only have one gun, thats kinda old.

Cutting open your throat: is that even physicslly possible? Do I wanns try?

Overdosing: maybe? But you have to do the math and get the right dosage and medication otherwise your stomach will get it out. You just live with a fucked up liver.

Stepping in front of a vehicle makes me think you are more likely to get injured if anything

Falling from the stairs same thing

Crashing a car would be hard not to get noticed and be succesful.

Will delete soon bc I dont plan to tell anyone the when.

Also none of you know where I live so you can't call the cops and have me arrested smh.

[spooniestrong]

Is this normal? I had my first Occupational therapy ever. My therapist asked me about sleep and i admitted i have a hard time falling asleep.

She said "if you start a routine you can fix your circadian rhythm"

I said its been since i was a kid and she immediately started saying "yes it tends to be hard especially if you didnt have a routine as a kid"

I explained that wasn't the case i just don't get tired at night. I have insomnia. (On top of chronic pain, scoliosis and chronic fatigue).

She then went to say i shouldn't nap during the day so im tired at night and to get up at the same time everyday so no matter how much sleep i do or dont get i will be tired in the evening.

I struggle as is with bad brain fog and fatigue to the point i have days i struggle to be awake at all.

But now i feel im not trying hard enough. All the usual suggestions for sleep hygiene dont work for me and when i brought up i was on prescription one point for sleep she said she doesnt like those especially since im young and should save my liver.

I take a bunch of medication everyday.

She kept talking about how she's used to working with frail elderly ladies and that I'm young.

I feel like maybe i need to just work harder and grow up. Im young. I should be strong and independent. My fiance helps bathe me because my finger locks sometimes and i tend to scratch my head till it bleeds. But she said i need to be independent there too.

Maybe I'm not as sick as i thought and need to work harder. I didn't think my age (23) would mean I should need less help and be independent

No, that's not normal. 🩵🥄 You know your body and limitations best, and if your therapist isn't understanding that, you need a new one. (Her behavior and statements are classic medical ableism.)

Elderly and disabled people have quite different needs; if she doesn't know that, she shouldn't have the job she does. (My background is in geriatrics.)

There's nothing wrong with you needing help or accommodations. You are not the problem. *💙&🥄s*

[maeaea]

if you could become an animal which one would you choose.... just curious! aha!

are you🧍are you going to furry blast me.

mrmm, what would i wanna be? im thinking about this in terms or greek curses, mind you. definitely not an eagle. they have a tendency of being sent from zeus and either swooping down above people as a sign of good news (>:D) or being clawed to death by another eagle for bad omens :( . also i quite like prometheus and dont quite like livers (that is a lie, i once dissected a rabbit and the feel of its liver was actually so cool, i wanna do it again). so uh. not that.

not cattle animal as well. i was thinking maybe sheep would be an answer since ive heard people say hypnos is associated with the animal and i am cursed to be forever sleepy. but uh. if i was a sheep there would be no doubt i would be slaughtered at an altar or at least eaten by farmers.

if i was cursed to forever be an animal and i had absolutely no consent and i want to have the highest chance of possibility of survival... uh. cat.

prfft, very basic answer after such a long thought process but i think i could make it. not too big of a target if for some reason people want to shoot me. also most people like cats. id probably be taken in or shit. i can always just hang around a mamak or smth for food lol.

what animal is most like me thooo, uh. sloth. i am a sleeeepy guy. in a paradox. sheep or sloth, really.

okii, thats it. what's your furry form, what animal are you, tesh. i am also just curious, no reason at all

[aubreythings]

want to give your dogs a nice treat, but not sure whats healthy for them? heres a guide to fruits for dogs and what kind of ones are okay or should be avoided!

i love feeding my doggies off cuttings of my meals, especially the ends off fruits that i wont eat, but its good to know the effects of what you're putting in your dogs body. so heres some reaserch ive done, and the kinds of things i give my doggies.

as much as dogs technically dont have a need to eat fruit, they do have some good properties for doggie health. alot of dog food contains fruit because it gives alot of extra nutrients!

definitely NOT dogs safe :

- avacado causes vomiting and diarrhoea even in small amounts

- cherries can cause disruption to oxygen flow, even just a single fruit, and cause poisoning

- grapes or rasins are one of the worst things you can give a dog. they cause liver failure and poisoning so easily

- tomatoes are a risky game. the ripe red fruit is some what okay for dogs but its best to avoid them as a whole as they can be toxic. there are dog safe tomatoe treat alternative!

good in small amounts :

- bananas are full of vitamins, though high in sugar so good in small amounts

- cantaloupe is great for hydration, especially in the summer, though abit sugary

- cranberries are the same as cantaloupe, good hydration, abit sugary

- mangos are vitamin heavy though abit sugary for already chunky doggos. remember to remove the pit

- oranges are great, especially the peel of the fruit, though many dogs dont enjoy citrus at all and might be a little rough on the digestive system in large amounts

- peaches are high in vitamins and great in small chunks. too much can cause the same effects as cherries, so leave them as a nice little treat

- pears are super good. avoid tinned pears, only use the fresh fruit, and cut away the pit and seeds. but very good vitamins and potassium!

- pineapple helps break down proteins and is super good! avoid the skin, and similarly to pears, non fresh fruit pineapples are too high in sugar, its best to use it fresh!

- raspberries are an antitoxin that have anti-inflamitory properties! though in large amounts over about 8 ounces can be toxic.

- strawberries are great for helping whitening dogs teath and for overall oral health, though in moderation with how much sugar they have

the best ones :

- apples (removing the core and seeds) are high in vitamin A, C and fibre!

- blueberries are a huge antitoxin and promote cell reproduction even in large amounts!

- cucumbers are amazing treats, great amount of vitamins with little to no calories or fats. hugely recommended for chunkier dogs or diabetic pups that need a less sugary treat

- pumpkin in pure form is a great antitoxin that helps dogs with diarrhoea or upset stomachs! if you're getting canned pumpkin, make sure it has no added ingredients!

- watermelon, like cucumber, is great for hydration. remove the rine and seeds first, and you're good to go. lots of vitamins and potassium in a low calorie way!

low calories and sugar, specific for overweight doggos or diabetic pups :

- apples

- blueberries

- cucumber

- raspberries

- watermelon

good fruit for sick or old dogs that need some extra body help :

- apples (high in vitamins, low in calories)

- blueberries (antitoxin and cell regrowth)

- pineapple (helps digestion)

- pumpkin (antitoxin, helps cure stomach bugs, diarrhoea and constipation)

- raspberries (anti-inflammatory, helps with joints)

- strawberries (white teeth, oral health)

not every dog likes every fruit, its good to try it. if a fruit is high sugar, that doesnt mean its bad for you, bad in large amounts but a great treat that packs some good vitamins for your dogs!

i feed my dogs lots of fruits, as treats, as a nice summer cool down, to fix a stomach bug, or just because i have some left over!

fruit is great for your dogs, aslong as you know whats good and whats not, its always best to google the food before you give it to them. its safe to be mindful of what you put in your dogs body the same way we are mindful about what goes into ours!

[eurydicejones]

i feel like saying some things that i believe or figured out with my anorexia recovery

-adding protein to carbs goes such a long way. even if its poptarts and lunchmeat. who cares. it helps your body digest the calories and makes it last so much longer so you dont get a super hard crash.

-they are lying about "dont eat before bed" u can eat before bed. it doesnt matter. maybe dont eat until youre fucking bursting at the seams bc that wont feel great when you lay down but if u want to have a bowl of cereal before bed. go for it. im not joking that shit saved my life.

-toppings are great. toppings on ice cream. toppings on yogurt. toppings on oatmeal. i couldnt do toppings on anything else bc itd fall off but it prob works for other ppl.

-if u know ur hungry but u dont feel hungry drink some water ur probably also dehydrated and its like. the water pops the hungry barrier. and then u want food.

-mindful eating (focusing on eating when youre eating it helps with your hunger/fullness cues and like your relationship with food and eating) is so cool. but if youre having trouble getting yourself to eat its perfectly fine to do something at the same time. theres a lot of meals i wouldnt have eaten if i didnt have something going on to distract me. you can do mindful eating another time. its okay.

-food novelty is also helpful. i still have issues when i have like a meal thats all mixed up in a bowl. im just like ya thats enough for me. except for pasta and soup. but thats me i really like pasta and soup. try getting another thing in another container. like fruit or a side. like a banchan. (im not korean thats just the best word to describe various sides that ive literally ever heard)

-starving yourself is actually bad for your skin. im not trying to push beauty standards if u have acne who gives a shit. esp if you dont give a shit. but i had HORRIBLE acne for years. nothing worked. and then i recovered and i still have acne when i neglect my skincare but my baseline is much clearer. and personally that makes me happy. so if you know youre not eating enough and you have acne. could be connected.

-theres SO MANY REASONS ONE MIGHT EAT. like not in the "eat because you need to do this blah blah blah" im talking scientifically. there are many factors that play into human hunger. you god physical hunger. we know her. belly goes "hhnnnggff hungry" and we go okay here u go girl. preparation eating or whatever. you know u wont be able to get a good meal when u need it so u eat in advance. social eating. everyone is eating together. u wanna eat with them. you eat with them. its beautiful. taste eating. like a craving. you wanna eat the thing that tastes good even if ur full. do that with caution bc you might get sick. emotional eating. also do this with caution bc you might get sick. but youre sad youre angry u wanna eat something THATS FINE U CAN DO THAT YOURE ALLOWED. theres also another one where your body is like "we need this food idk how it tastes but we need it" i was never told what that is called but it was in my side of the mountain where he was like I HAVE TO EAT THIS SQUIRREL LIVER oh my god ew its disgusting and then hes like ooooohhh i need vitamin a. that also happens. so theres a lot of reasons one might want to eat. and those are cool.

-ill say this next one with the caveat of im AFAB w the uterus and the ovaries and the estrogen. like yk how m*tt w*lsh would be like "define a woman" those freaks would be talkin about me. i dont stand by them but thats my equipment. and if you have the same equipment you will very likely go through a "second puberty." i have a different menstrual cycle. it was 31 days and now is 28 and its still regulating itself. and i got my period literally uhhh almost 7 years ago. but i lost her so. and i got taller i had like three growth spurts. my chest shrank and then grew back and then grew more. my horny levels went up. normal puberty things but like round two.

-my brain is not foggy anymore. like not regularly. i can think clearly because my brain isnt starving. im not necessarily smarter i can just think faster. and thats cool.

-also i can go up stairs better.

-the only issue is that i have problems standing and walking around for long periods of time. i get really tired. i think i either need to exercise more or its just something im gonna suffer from forever. im probably gonna end up suffering forever bc truth be told. i am scared of exercising. hehe.

-im happier too. could be the antidepressants could be the food. i dont know. but its fun!!!

-heres a scary thing. you will never be prepared for how hard eating disorder recovery will be. i had anorexia but any ed. will be the hardest thing uve ever done. and i graduated high school without knowing i DESPERATELY needed disability accomodations. it requires SO MUCH self reflection and vulnerability and scary shit. eating is terrifying. thinking about why you dont wanna eat is scawwy. gaining weight is freaky. its all scary and hard but u still gotta do it. figure out why for yourself. im not gonna tell you.

-people have different eating disorders for different reasons. for like two years ppl were like "why are you ashamed of your body? why do you wanna be skinny? why dont you think youre beautiful?" and then i figured out literally one random thursday "oh i dont think i have value unless im on the brink of death." and then i was like "thats stupid." and then i gained like 35 pounds and now im here. its not always body image. and its also not always anorexia dont be a fuckass whos like "YOUR ED ISNT A REAL THING STOP LYING" stfu.

-those bmi calculators are lowkey bs. when i was starving myself to the point where i could barely stand and i lost the thigh gap i had SINCE I WAS BORN the calculator was like "ummmmm youre kinda underweight. but a little bit." fake news. and now im healthy. im at my baseline weight. cognition good organs good brain good life good energy good and i checked the bmi thing for a health assignment (didnt wanna but i had to) and it was like "youre actually like slightly overweight. not goooood." and i was like huh. bc like one im. not? and also like whocares. whocares. not i. not i sir.

-following that literally only stupidheads will care if youre fat. like if you have health issues relating to your weight or like its making your life harder. thats grounds to lose weight. thats chill bc thats a decision you make. many haters will be lying about what makes someone fat and many haters will be like u suck bc youre fat. theyre full of shit. dont listen to them they are fuckass stupidheads.

okay im gonna call it there. some of this is just about food and eating and some of it is about body image and recovery stuff. but i hope it was informative or helpful or fun and i love you and youre strong and sexy or youre ugly if u wanna be. u are an ethereal deity of a faraway land or youre like freaky lil swamp creature if thats more your vibe. im proud of you either way

okay bye much love kisses

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[pleafyistired]

rtumblr's eating flesh capability and their own flesh

im bored, part 1? some character i dont have much info so i dont write about them/too long next part

fluffy:

eating flesh: Good of course, drink blood, currently crying and eating a blue popping alien liver as i type this. can distinct blood flavour which to me imply sensitive taste buds

flesh: i. VERY dubious i mean they come out of rtcler which is already dubious as Fuck but also their list of father is Concerning. not even talking about the strings they have which they can control which imply nerves???? really fucked if you think about it. and i dont think they look so tasty and i dont think getting the meat is even worth it.

copper:

eating flesh: go to cat on wiki /hj ok but also since i hc them to have at least some copper (material) in them so... do you know copper cant be dissolve in hydrochloric acid? so chances are they can carry around a more concentrated amount of acid to dissolve meat... though more dubious meat probably would give them a stomach ache

flesh: cat. but also copper. (fun fact i tasted cat meat before. its a normal thing in my country. doesnt taste bad could be worse but just. eh. i dont like it that much.)

Void:

eating flesh: I mean. theyre the Void they probably can eat anything

flesh: are you Sure youre not going to die trying to eat the Void?

Aamit:

eating flesh: i feel like if they eat the wrong peanut butter they will explode. so i think his stomach sucks. the only thing they eat is coffee and spite

flesh: very good! if you like the coffee. though otherwise good meat and eatable. probably up there in the most eatable guys in rtumblr

Rtcler:

eating flesh: he doesnt have much info about his eating habbits but i think hes a cannibal kinda guy! i mean how bad can it possibly be! he doesnt have any strongs opinion he just eat any flesh

flesh: i Mean i Think hes human...? but also he gave birth to fluffy..? require further investigation and stalking. though he looks Tasty so maybe you can eat him. ...he said he has milk? so... bonus drink if you can milk him before slaughtering him for flesh idk. or just duplicate his cells and milk him. milk that white twink ass

Magical John:

eating flesh: plaunt!! good at eating flesh!! moldy ones too!!! rotten meat!!!! he slay people and steal their dead body's meat to eat!! he can eat rtsans bones if he want to!!!! can he be evil and do that please

flesh: ew vegetables /j he does have meat! but also his cells is like a hybrid between plant and animal cells... Schrodinger vegan meat.... ...he also have "milk" which is just. his blood- so if you want his "milkies" then instead of milking the nipples like rtcler (i hate my job actually /lh) you can cut him up! other than that hes eatable and since hes plant also you get fiber!!! finally... we can shit now... and he grows back too so you can eat and drink even More :)