#dont be afraid of influence!
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i want to put link in isat. im sure hed do fine. the heros spirit endures
#my post#i was gonna say like. 'probably not the worst thing the heros spirit has endured.' but actually#man. idk. ppl like to say majoras mask is super dark. i think bc ur constantly faced with tragedy in a very direct way#zelda is usually slightly less in your face abt that stuff. mm crosses the line for that juust enough for it to be Particularly Notable#loz generally isnt afraid to address the Horrors. or at least acknowledge them#i dont mean this in a 'mm is darkest zelda' or whatever kind of way. (see jacob gellers video 'every zelda is the dsrkest zelda')#i mean it as like. mm is just louder about it#yknow. but is mm is speaking loudly then. if u put isat next to loz then it would drown mm out quite easily#in large part bc the story is just told differently#the characters are much more expressive in every way. bc the story is being told through expression#whereas loz tells stories specifically via player action#if that makes sense?#loz focuses on the journey. isat focuses on how the journey feels#not to mention links permanent 😶. which definitely influences this#honestly link as a general character (tho especially botw link) is very similar to siffrin. im not gonna try to put that into words rn but#maybe another time#anyways. if isat were told more like a zelda game i think it would be along mm and botw#i say those 2 specifically bc time loop and death and loss. lol#if the reverse were true. if loz ganes were told more like isat. then god dude i dunno#i might go through the plots of each and measure out how much i think the bitch(link) is Going Through It sometime#not rn. but sometime#initial gut thoughts tho. i think probably oot sksw la andd. possibly ww. wojld have similar emotional impact#sksw especially. have you seen his face when he sees zelda in the crystal thing. god#id say botw too but tbh. i kind of think its emotional impact is best as is.#it leaves itself a lot of room to breathe. you can rlly like. think abt it.#man these tags are off topic from the original post. eh its my post who care
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internet not big enough...saw what is unmistakably his art style and felt like vomiting. it's crazy how someone can continue to poison you even after years of being blocked.
#delete later#I'm starting to spiral. remembering how fucking manic and manipulative and selfish he was.#i hate my past self so bad for not being more firm about my boundaries. for not telling him to fuck off. i deleted so many times.#and he just kept coaxing me into remaking. always saying that it was up to me...but never shutting the fuck up about it until I came back.#did he feel good for love-bombing a bad artist? why did I accept his fake ass affection even though he was super shitty and gross & chaotic#I deleted those art folders years ago but i cant make my own memories go away. i feel disgusting when i think about him.#i feel like i cant breathe and im scared he'll use his own clout against me again to get what he wants until its not fun and then lash out#I know it's irrational but the fear always remains. I hated a lot of preds in that fandom and didnt want the platform or exposure.#I live by the block button still. I don't trust new people still. I hide still. I fucking hate him and myself for enabling his tantrums.#It's not just a bad friendship breakup...he had actual power and influence over everything i did and lied about who he was.#yeah im still scared#I've been doing really well this year about not thinking about him but like#i still dont want to make or post art for that fandom because it makes me panic that hes gonna do some crazy shit or find me or something#im barely even embarrassed by how annoying i used to be because the fear of him lashing out is so much worse#BUT ITS GONE! HES GONE! SO WHY AM I STILL SO FUCKING AFRAID OF WHAT HES GOING TO DO OR SAY IF I POST NEW ART
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hey, you! yes, you! are you about to HUMANIFY that TRIANGLE? WHOA THERE!
I respect your zeal but this is actual VERY UNHEALTHY and MAKES TRIANGLES VERY SAD!
as you can see from my diagram here this process makes the traignel SAD which is NOT SEXY. please be responsible in the future!!!!
#sorry... not to be stereotypical... but this WAS a weed influenced decision...#im afraid to put this in the main tags#this is not fucking. commentary. on anytrhing#i just have idea in my mind and i am forcing you to see them#this is not my first insane weed induced bill based shitpost and it wont be my last#to clarify onclerbill is having a cry not a saucy little tongue moment#because he is sad#he can be sexy and also sad i guess this is allowed i dont make the rules#but u need to accept the consequences of ur actions
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i've tried everything, different ways, different times, different places. i just can't seem to find my passion for writing back.
#writers block my ass this shit has been going on for years#you love going around telling people that you write when in truth you haven't written anything in ages#i don't even consider myself a writer anymore because it feels wrong to call it that#everything i put out is influenced by something. ifeel like i can never truly be original#a few shitty pieces i wrote at the peak of a fixation don't really count because i've abandoned them too#yes i've written them but im so afraid to associate them with my name#how does one hate what they create so much#yet still want to create#when will it be satisfying?#when will i be like yeah. i like this. i made this. this is mine.#i dont think the problem is language either like sure it can be improved but i can't even write in my own language?#i used to love writing in turkish and peopel would praise me for my stories but looking back at it even that wasn't original#it was never mine#it was always about something that affected me#this is sad its just sad.#writing
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yk what i just realized?
i accidentally wrote pandora with a slightly altered version of my issues pvnjkdml
i noticed it but not All of it
#haunted ecosystem#i forget sometimes that the way *i* think it's the norm and thusly i'll write characters that follow my thought patterns and well.#you wind up with a lot of paranoia lol#like i knew i unintentionally made pandora autistic-coded but yeah i also mightve given him the paranoia & delusions & hallucinations too#though the latter was partially influenced it was still like. organic ig? thats terrible phrasing.#unrelated but why is it so hard to find more. non-specific paranoia positivity posts#like i know its a symptom but cmon.#anyways what if i wrote a fic and actually posted it anon. what if i wrote the fic ive been itching to write since the thought came to me#its not even like. questionable. im just afraid of opinions bc it involves a lot of projecting onto a typically 'strong' character#sigh. i probably will write it. probably wont post it.#maybe i'll finish that one fic thats rotting in my docs from the year before last when i last hit rock bottom lol#okay anyways enough talking to myself in the tags#ily whoever reads this i hope you have a good day and please remember its okay to ask for help when you need it. dont be like me
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i dont have to deal with what doesnt serve me. suffering is not noble and i should break things
#hobie brown is a BAD influence#he makes me feel brave and a brave me is... is NOT a familiar thing and im kind of scared of it#i shouldnt be brave i should not be brave and i dont know why i shouldnt be but im very very afraid of it#we dont have time to unpack all of that!#talking tag
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#i almost have enough in amazon gift cards to buy one for free so. considering the possibility#i miss reading but like. i dont really like doing it on my phone#and im also not gonna buy/loan library books at this point bc that involves leaving my house WAY too much#so yeah#all the new year goal videos are influencing me im afraid#it seems so nice though? and like maybe id read like i used to?#anyway! love u <3#polls#rebeccaspeaks
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I & my colleague was just having a random conversation with one of the attachment students this morning...for some reason, we just started the 'back in my day' conversation out of nowhere & both of us just suddenly stopped talking & looked at each other intensely...like wow we're at that age now?
#we're not even laughing...we just stare at each other like prolly 5 second#& went on lamenting over the fact we start to mirror our “seniors”#*when yo asian seniority culture hit you hard*#this is the reason why i try to watch out how I speak to my younger colleagues#although I believe seniority culture is not as strong in my country#i live in this culture so am also not immune to its influence#& sometimes im afraid one day I might become more like the entitled 'seniors' without even realizing it#asian people problem#dont mind me just going in too deep with self reflection#might delete later...or not#random ramblings#myself
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Sometimes a rare pair suddenly becoming moderately popular kinda sucks
#like idk one person's view of the ship influences another person#and suddenly you just have carbon copies of this one ship dynamic that is just#not good??#idk dont have the energy to explain it#the ship was better five years ago when lole 10 people shipped it#and they weren't afraid to write interesting stuff
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#p#my gmas been doing bad lately which is to be expected tbh shes 93#but shit happened today and she went to the er and my mom said its not dire but also i need to start mentally preparing for the worst#and i know shes right but im so afraid that if i do then its like ill influence something bad to happen somehow#like id be allowing it to happen#and i know thats not how it works but i dont fucking know how to handle this shit#time to fall back in to desperate prayer. thats all i know how to fucking do.
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I do not think any piece of VTM media should take place after. Say. 2005. On account of my taste.
#it's weird thinking about some toreador influencer stanning Stanley cups or whatever. i dont like it#stabtxt#(gets hit by a powerful beam that only lets me talk about VTM for an hour) not again#like if ur running a WOD campaign. it shouldn't take place in the 2020s. because. i am afraid#edit: this could say 'any piece of media'. in general. to be quite honest.
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Loving Fate/Samurai Remnant so much actually. I love all the sword fighting. The gameplay is just so fun. But there r all sorts of informational things about 1600s Japan, specifically Edo and its neighborhoods and all sorts of cultural things, both big and small, and it's just. So Fun!!!!
I've gone looking some things up online for additional information on a few things, so I've learned things from that, too!!! It's just a really fun process
#speculation nation#AND since Edo is the old name for Tokyo. well now there are a lot of names i recognize from Tokyo#like ueno and akasaka and asakusa and MORE#inokashira was mentioned at some point and i was like 🥺🥺 omg 🥺🥺 i know that place#i dont think ive actually seen it tho. ive been to a few places but ya kno#ive learned about Yoshiwara and Kan'ei-ji and Nihonbashi and MORE...#i also learned about Tsujigiri. which i feel like i vaguely knew about like conceptually.#but when they mentioned a guy was being arrested for tsujigiri i was like 'huh?' and looked it up#and. yeah that sure is something someone would be arrested for huh.#it's interesting to play as such a law-abiding ronin. he's not afraid to rough people up but he prefers to avoid killing as much as possible#a pacifist through and through... unlike his sword-happy servant lmaooo#constantly having to talk Saber back from killing people while Saber is like 'i Know 🙄🙄🙄'#there is of course a fair amount of anime bullshit in the game. especially regarding magic and rituals and such#but all the frank cultural information lines up with what ive found online#so ive come to trust that That at least has historical backing.#im holding the People Of Influence with more of a scrutinous eye. simply bc fiction and its tendency to fictionize#though Fate also has a tendency to use major historical figures in ways many things would not. from what ive learned.#so Shrug. some of these guys might just be drawn from real people.#tho theres stuff like. Zhou Yu. the chinese military general. being made into an anime twink.#it's so funny actually. and Even Still it's making me learn more bc they include historical information in everyone's bios#(once we find out who they are lol)#i dont know if im gonna try to play any other Fates games. considering theres a Lot of em#but im having a lot of fun with this one at least 😃😃😃
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this moonshine starting to taste like hitting up my ex
#not one of the bad onrs. the literally only good one#the only one who was mt age that is#idk ive been wanting to talk tochim again and he reached out recently actually funnily enough#but we just kinda grew apart before...#i dont wanna like jimp into dating him again but he was one of thebonly truly good influences on my life#be not afraid
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Now that I work with a bunch of homophobes, I feel the weight of being a 'one of us.'
"Why are women so --- oh but not you, you're different."
"Why are gays so--' but you're not like them, you're more like us."
Krusty The Bird Killer rants for five minutes about black women being 'sluts that all have eight kids with different fathers because they'll lay with anything that moves,' and then talk sweet to our secretary, a black woman in her 40s who doesnt seem to count as a black woman when he's ranting.
I've been trying to put words to this behavior for awhile now. And I think it just comes down to 'us vs them.'
I showed up to work in a cowboy hat and work boots, wasnt afraid of the men's room, and lifted a 50 pound trash bag full of dog shit on my first day. I'm not like other women to them. I dont count. I'm one of us.
I talk about my girlfriend in a quiet way: I dont declare queer supremacy and I dont make my whole life about being queer and oppressed. I'm not like other lesbians. I dont count. I'm one of us.
They dont know me. They dont know my girly interests and they dont know about my political art pieces and they dont know about the fake eyelashes that I wore during pride. They certainly dont know I'm trans.
I passed their test. I'm 'one of the dudes.'
I'm really not, though.
If they saw me outside of work, I would be a Them. But they got to know me first. I'm in their list of "thems that are us." And every them that they meet can be an us. But they dont go out of their way to meet many thems.
I'm a Gay. I'm not the Gays. I'm (to them) a woman. I'm not Women. The secretary is black. But shes not The Blacks (pardon the phrasing, it hurt me to even type it that way.)
Every person is the stereotype of their group until someone gets to know them. But that doesn't disprove the stereotype- it just means that the person doesnt count as part of that group anymore. They're with us now.
Respectability politics really dont get us anywhere. If you're out to disprove the stereotype out of a sense that you'll change their minds, I'm telling you that energy is better spent living authentically if you are safe to do so.
Your influence on them doesnt change their perception of the box they put you in. They just put you in a smaller box. Fuck their opinions.
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The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)
Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence
- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends
- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]
- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)
- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick
- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)
- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body
- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)
- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really
- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)
- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down
- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc
- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)
- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex
- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl
- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while
- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"
- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships
- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results
- People liking when youre mean 2 them
- People who hate you often want to have sex w you
- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao
- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)
- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains
- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude
- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)
- People trying to 'put you in your place'
- Recognizing other lilithians immediately
- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance
- Sex obsession since a young age
- Sexual harassment unfortunately
#lilith#astro observations#astro placements#horoscope#plutonian#astrology#lilith square ascendant#lilith astrology#lilith aspects#pluto placements#tw mysoginy
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im not a goth but i believe in their beliefs etc
finding that maturing has made me more okay with gore, not less
#cro zone#its also like. gore is cultural imo#bc im not afraid of the insides of a body but there are things that can happen to a body that i do or dont find acceptable#and both of those factors are heavily influenced by culture
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