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discofama · 9 months ago

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I love how comfortable Adam and Lute are around each other.

I mean, look at this

So they're casually together during the extermination, much like how friends gravitate towards each other when in an event even if they're not talking or doing anything, just because it feels easier than being alone. Or perhaps Lute flew closer because she saw the huge war machine approaching Adam and got a little worried.

Charlie and Vaggie are going to attack them, and look at what they do:

Despite being Adam the one closer to Vaggie, he doesn't move an inch. They don't say anything (besides the shit talk) and Adam doesn't even look at her, he expects Lute will take care of Vaggie with no order from him, even if he's closer.

Obviously Adam is confident and doesn't think Vaggie can hurt him at all, but he clearly trusts Lute to get her out of the way. He probably knows how bloodthirsty Lute is for Vaggie and lets her have her without a word, and Lute complies, again, without a word, leaving him to handle the strongest of the enemies at that moment (Charlie).

So in this second, Adam and Lute communicated in silence. Adam didn't move and trusted her to cut in even if it was him the one under attack, and finally Lute trusted him to handle Charlie so she could fight Vaggie, as she didn't seem worried at all of the possibility of Charlie coming to protect her girlfriend.

They're in harmony. They're just natural together.

He lets her grab him like this and is willing to listen to her. It's clear he respects her and deep down appreciates that she'll keep him from doing something stupid, even if he whines.

She also climbs him? Lol. (Look at how she holds onto his arm 🥹 she's super comfortable with touching him!)

They're always hyping each other up, like in their songs:

(Look at Lute's smug face here 👇, she's sooo satisfied with what Adam's saying)

I honestly believe that they kinda make each other worse, that neither of them would be SO mean all the time if they didn't have the other: a companion who is always backing them up, who agrees on any crap that comes out of their mouth (Lute lets him talk shit about random women and nods, Adam goes along with Lute's homophobia despite seeming to not care that much about homosexuals).

Many portray Lute being a lot smarter than Adam, but I think they're both dumbasses. I mean, we laugh at Adam for saying he never made a mistake in his fucking life, but it was Lute who first stated angels don't make mistakes, somehow keeping a serious face. I think Lute seems smart because she's more quiet and cares about the rules, but she doesn't do logic very well either and can be impulsive too, as shown in the end of ep. 1.

They're probably each other's best/only friend, because they're just so unlikeable. And it makes sense they'd deeply care for one another. They care about that person that stands them and agrees with them and actually enjoys being with them. They're always seen together, hanging out even off duty. They clearly have a lot of fun.

I'll be honest. I ship GuitarSpear, I love it, but I don't know if I want it to be canon for 2 reasons:

1. Lute might be a lesbian.

She is so repulsed by homosexuals that it feels personal. Talking about how disgusting and blasphemous Charlie and Vaggie's love is, or how many cocks were in Angel's mouth and calling him a whore. She cares too much about it for it to not be personal, and I think it makes sense that she'd be a closet lesbian with a shit ton of internalized homophobia. She probably knew about Vaggie's sexuality and held a lot of resentment towards her before tearing off her wings. Maybe she was even attracted to her and was so repulsed about it that she redirected her self-hatred to Vaggie.

2. I think it could be better for Adam's character.

Let's just think about it. This character has a very distorted view of women, he has a fixation on them and hypersexualizes them. So the idea of this horny man, who always sees women with sex colored glasses, being good friends with a hot female below him in the hierarchy with no sexual or romantic interest whatsoever is nice to me. It'd work as sort of a redeeming quality in regards of his relationship with women, and I personally think this man is very redeemable. Let's hope he gets a second chance!

Still! All of this trust and comfort and team feelings can be read as romantic and I certainly wouldn't mind if it becomes canon! They could be the best villain couple!

Summarizing, these two are soulmates, end of the story. They're worse together, but also probably provide the other of a very needed company.

I have no clue if Adam will actually come back, but if he doesn't, I'll feel very bad for Lute. Yeah, yeah, she's an evil bitch, I don't care.

#sorry if the way i write isn't very sophisticated #english is my second language 👉👈#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel adam #analysis #guitarspear

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archangeldyke-all · 5 months ago

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little fucker being like elementary school age and asking sevika to take her to the daddy daughter dance at school? 🥺

ooooh my god 🥹 (inspo pics for little fucker's dress and sevika's suit)

men and minors dni

your daughter's been quiet all evening.

when she got home from school, instead of rushing to the couch to watch tv or outside to play in the yard, she just sat down and got to work on her homework. usually, you have to remind her to do her work a million times.

when sevika got home from work, instead running and jumping in her mom's arms as a welcome home greeting, giggling as sevika pretends to throw her back out; little fucker just waved from her spot working at the table.

when you made your baby's favorite meal for dinner and she didn't even smile; you knew something was off.

little fucker's eight now, one of the smartest third graders in her class. you've noticed the very beginning signs of a pre-teen's attitude growing in your daughter: a little more sassy back talk that usual, more frequent mood swings; but this seems different than all of that.

still. your girl takes after sevika, and as much as you want to pry and ask her what's wrong: you know she'll come to you when she finds her words and is ready to talk.

she's quiet when you tuck her into bed.

when you and sevika finally settle in to sleep, she turns on her side with a worried expression.

"she say anything to you?" your wife asks. you shake your head no, pouting.

"poor baby."

sevika sighs, and pulls you into her chest.

an hour later, you're woken up by your daughter crawling into bed between the two of you.

"baby?" you mumble, shifting to make room for your girl. little fucker sighs as she crawls under the blankets. on her other side, sevika grunts in her sleep, subconsciously reaching out to pull her baby to her chest.

"hi ma..." little fucker mumbles. you reach out in the darkness, finding your daughters head and starting to scratch her scalp.

"what's goin' on, kiddo?" you whisper.

she sighs. "there's a daddy-daughter dance happening at school next week."

"oh." you whisper.

you've always known that having two moms makes your daughter a bit different from most of the kids she knows. since she was a baby, you and sevika have done your best to explain things to her in a way she can understand: that your family looks a bit different than others, that there are people out there who won't understand that, and that those facts don't make the love in your family any different or less than the love in every other family in the world.

still. your heart breaks a bit in moments like these, when your baby so clearly feels excluded.

you reach forward and kiss your girl's head, trying to find words to comfort her.

you don't have to-- little fucker speaks again before you can start fussing.

"ma, do you think..." she trails off. you kiss her head again to let her know you're listening. "do you think mommy would take me?" she whispers.

your heart swells with pride and you nearly burst into tears. "oh, my sweet, smart, beautiful girl." little fucker giggles as you pepper her head with kisses. "of course she would."

you actually do cry the next morning watching your daughter ask your wife to the daddy-daughter dance over breakfast; shyly handing her mom the flier she'd put in her school binder, asking if sevika'd go with her.

sevika holds it together enough to say yes, hug your baby, and send her off to catch her school bus. when the front door slams, sevika turns around with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"oh, baby." you coo, wrapping your wife up in a hug. sevika sobs in your shoulder and you laugh-- your wife's only ever this weepy about her girl.

"she's so fucking sweet." sevika cries. "where the fuck did she get that from?" she asks.

you pinch her ass and tsk. "uh, she got it from me, you ass."

sevika chuckles a snotty laugh against your shoulder, and you kiss her head.

you take your girls outfit shopping that weekend. little fucker's giddy the entire time, trying on dresses and modeling each one for you and sev: her catwalks down the dressing-room hall getting increasingly ridiculous as she tries to make you guys laugh.

she falls in love with a beautiful light blue dress, a ribbon around the waist separating the simple tank-like top from the flouncy, fluffy skirt of tulle.

"you look like cinderella!" you gasp. your daughter grins, twirling around and giggling as the skirts spin with her.

"i'm a princess!"

sevika's a much less enthusiastic shopper, but with her daughter there to encourage her, and a soft cinnamon pretzel shoved in her hands, she manages to find a suit that matches her baby's dress.

the night before the dance, you catch little fucker in her dress in her room, practicing her dancing with her big teddy bear.

that night when you and sevika are tucking her in, she asks for you to stay behind for a while. sevika shoots you a look and you shrug, just as confused by your daughter's request.

when the door clicks shut behind her mom, little fucker reaches out and holds your hand. "what happens if they don't let mommy in?" she asks. you should be saddened by the fact that your daughter has to worry about bullshit like this so young. but you can't hold in your cackle at your baby's question. "what?" she asks, scowling at you. "what's so funny?"

"oh baby." you giggle, trying to collect yourself and wiping tears from your cheeks. it's moments like this when you remember that your daughter knows a completely different sevika than you do: she only ever sees sevika's soft adoring smile, only ever hears 'yes' from her mom's lips. she's got no idea that her mom is scary to most people. "your mom's not gonna let anybody ruin your night, sweet girl. i think she's more excited than even you are." you promise her.

and you're right. when you slip back into your bedroom after kissing your baby goodnight again, you catch your wife in her suit, watching a youtube tutorial on how to slow dance.

you take about a million pictures of your girls the next night. little fucker's decked out in all her shiniest dress-up jewelry, a white sequined purse hanging off her tiny wrist. (containing one mini bag of cheetos, sevika's tube of brown lipstick, and a sheet of reptile stickers.)

sevika's on the brink of tears the entire time they pose in her little garden out back, blinking down at your kid adoringly. you know exactly what she's thinking the entire time: little fucker is growing up way too fast.

"you gonna be able to keep it together tonight?" you tease as you hug your wife goodbye. she chuckles.

behind her, little fucker's squirming with excitement as she waits on the front porch for you two to finish talking.

"i'll be fine. will you?" she asks. "all alone without your babies to keep you company?"

little fucker starts tugging on sevika's hand, trying to drag her to the car. "mom."

you snort. "i'm thinking i'll take a nice, long, quiet bubble bath. haven't had one of those since the shithead was born."

"mommy." little fucker groans.

"send pictures." sevika says with a wink. you snort.

"mom, let's go already!" your daughter whines.

you let the pair of them go, choking back tears as you wave goodbye.

throughout the night, sevika sends you a million pictures. from the looks of things, little fucker and all her friends had way too much fruit punch and cake, all dancing their tiny butts off-- sweating and giggling and high on a sugar buzz.

when they get home both of them are exhausted and grinning, little fucker rambling on and on about how much fun she had. "i had three pieces of cake, ma! and they were huge! and one was chocolate! and me and cindy taught mommy and cindy's dad how to do the floss!" she says, demonstrating the dance move. you cackle, then turn to sevika with a raised eyebrow, wanting to see the new skill she's learnt. she glares at you. but the second little fucker tugs her hand and giggles a "c'mon mommy!" she starts doing the dance in sync with her baby.

that night, after little fucker crashes in her bed with her dress still on and you and sevika crawl into bed, you get a text from one of the dad's you're on the pta with.

it's a picture of sevika and little fucker (your daughter clearly rambling about something as sevika listens with a fond smile) wrapped in each other's arms, slow dancing.

you make the picture your phone's background.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette @ellieslob

#sevika #sevika imagine #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika

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chaussetteblanche · 11 months ago

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Hi ! So I just loved your Luke castellan’s stories and I was wondering if you could write a story with him starting to date a child of Athena (the reader) but she wants to keep their relationship secret because she’s afraid Annabeth would get mad at her for « stealing » her hero away. Reader and Luke get caught by Annabeth whose reaction is « Finally » as she’s seen the two of them pinning on each other for years. It would be great if it was fluffy.

Sorry for the long request and thank you for your work ! It’s amazing !

hi baby, thanks so much for requesting! this was really fun to write :) hope you like it <3

Finally

pairing : luke castellan x child of athena!reader summary : two times your relationship with luke is almost revealed and the one time when it is word count : 2.6k warnings : none

"W-wait, no, Luke, we can't." Luke froze immediately, his eyes searching yours for the reasoning behind your words. You licked your lips and leaned your head back against the wood of the cabin he had pressed you up against, letting out a small sigh. His hands were on your waist, your skin was fire underneath. You could feel his warm breath against your lips. Your hands were on his shoulders, your fingers fiddling with the string around his neck. You two had never been so close before in a context which was not sparring. And he'd been about to finally kiss you but you'd stopped him.

"I- it's just with Annabeth, y'know? I don't want her to feel like I'm stealing her away from you or anything." You worried your bottom lip, looking up at him sheepishly. His brows raised in comprehension and he nodded slowly, thumbs rubbing slow circles into your sides. "Yeah, I get it. I understand why you feel that way, but also, what I feel for you is very different than what I feel for Annabeth. I think that would be clear to pretty much anyone, love. And she's smart, she'll understand, don't you think?"

You kept quiet, still nibbling on your bottom lip, your eyes trained to the colourful beads around his throat. "Baby, if you bite your lip one more time, I'm going to do it for you," Luke warned in a low voice. You looked up at him as he pulled your bottom lip out from between your teeth with his thumb. He kept his finger there for a moment before pulling it away. Yeah, this isn't going to work for me, you thought. You couldn't imagine yourself not kissing him. Not when you'd been like this, not after the years of tension and wondering and worrying which had led up to this moment.

"How 'bout we just keep it secret?" you suggested, hands trailing down his front before stopping at his waist. You lightly fisted the material of his T-shirt, using it to slowly pull him closer. "What, us?" he whispered huskily. "Yeah." "You know what?" he chuckled, "I'll take it."

He wasted no time in capturing your lips with his, pushing himself flush against you. You let out a breath as you kissed him, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him impossibly closer.

"God, I've been wanting to do that for ages," he groaned against your lips. Your hand tangled itself in his hair as you tilted your head to the side. "Shut up and kiss me, Castellan."

And so you kept your relationship hidden from everyone. No one could know. You both knew Annabeth well, her being your actual half-sister and like Luke's little sister, so you knew that if anyone got the gist of what was happening between the two of you, she'd know. She would find a way to know. She always did.

So you were careful. You knew how much your half-sister admired and respected Luke the last thing you wanted was to take that away from her. She'd been through a lot, more than she should have ever gone through, and you knew having Luke as an older-brother-figure was very important and healthy for her.

At first, you allowed yourselves nothing more than knowing glances across crowds or rooms. Lovesick smiles and faint blushes. Maybe a hand brushing against another when you crossed each other. Sometimes, Luke's hand on high up on your thigh underneath the table. But despite this caution you both took very seriously, you had almost gotten caught a few times.

The first time had been entirely Luke's fault. You'd been teaching a new camper, Nate, how to use a spear. You were just as good at Clarisse, if not better, at wielding the weapon, it being your mother's go-to choice. The sun was getting low and painting everything gold, showing just how much time you two had been training for.

"Yeah, that's good. Do it again." You instructed as you walked around Nate in a circle. He was repeating the stabbing and slashing movement, though he seemed a bit distracted as he kept looking past you. You turned around to see Luke leaning against a pillar a few meters away, eyeing you. Your stomach flipped and you beamed, sending a warm wave his way. He returned the smile and the wave.

You turned back to your student, leaning against your spear. You suddenly felt eager to call the training session to an end. "Nate, I think we've done enough for today, yeah? We can continue tomorrow afternoon." "Whatever you say, doll."

Luke watched from his spot as Nate helped you undo your breastplate, his brows raising. Oh. He observed closely when the boy pressed a hand to the small of your back to direct you out of the training ring, lowering his head closer to yours to hear what you were saying. The child of Hermes was positively fuming by the time you both reached him.

You sped up the pace to give him a quick hug of greeting. "Hi, Luke!" you greeted cheerily, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Hey, baby," he spoke into your hair as he returned the embrace tightly. He kept you under his arm even after you pulled away. If you noticed his unusual behaviour, you didn't mention it. "Hey, man." Nate greeted with a grin, his eyes trained on you. Luke set his jaw. "Hey," he spoke icily. You frowned, Luke was never this cold with anyone. You sent him a confused look but he just kept staring at Nate. A short moment of awkward silence passed before Nate inhaled sharply. "Well, I'll be off, then. Y/N, I'll see you at dinner?" he asked, looking expectantly at you. Luke answered before you could. "Probably not, man." "Oh... uh, okay. See you both 'round, then." Nate nodded towards the both of you before walking off, head bowed and hands buried deep inside his pockets.

You pulled away from Luke, looking up into his face with furrowed brows. "What was that?" you asked, your head tilted to the side. "What was what?" Luke shrugged innocently. "That!" You pointed at Nate's retreating form, scoffing. "You're never so blatantly cold! Not to mention rude!" Luke raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "I don't like his vibe." "You-" you let out a disbelieving laugh. "You don't like his vibe? C'mon Luke-" "I didn't like the way he was with you."

"What do you mean? He was-" You were interrupted by Luke. He folded his arms over his chest. "Touching you, unnecessarily. The hand to your back. And he undid your breastplate, Y/N." "So? You do that too... oh." You shut your mouth as you came to the realisation that maybe, just maybe, Nate had been hinting at something other than friendship with you. "Yeah. Oh." Luke scoffed icily. You frowned and touched his arm. "Luke, baby, there's nothing to be upset about. We're just friends." "Yeah, but does he know that? I'm not worried about you, love."

You nodded and passed your arm through his. You started walking back to where you would have dinner. "Look, forget about him, alright? Let's go to dinner, 'm starving." "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry for acting-" "Jealous?" you interrupted with a small laugh. Luke stopped in his tracks, a dramatic hand splayed over his heart. "Me? Jealous?" he gasped, shock written all over his features. He thought for a second and then shrugged. "Maybe a bit, yeah."

The second time you'd almost gotten caught had been pretty much your fault. Luke had been wounded in capture the flag. It had been nothing too serious, merely a superficial wound, but he'd still been brought into the infirmary. You, having been on the opposite team and at the other end of the forest, were part of the last campers informed.

You'd heard the first three words : "Luke was hurt..." before you'd totally lost it. Cursing loudly, you immediately bolted in the infirmary's direction. You had never run as fast in your life as you did that day. Mere seconds went by before you skidded to a halt right outside the infirmary, where three quarters of the camp was hanging around. You cursed Luke's popularity and the campers' curiosity as you pushed your way through the crowd.

"Excuse me... sorry, sorry... could you move please?" Your patience was wearing very thin by the time you got to the door separating Luke and the rest of the world. Your hand was on the handle, hear hammering inside your eardrums when you were stopped. "He's not taking any visitors at the moment." You recognised the daughter of Apollo but couldn't be bothered for pleasantries. "He'll take me," you replied strongly, twisting the door handle. The girl let out a small huff and placed a hand on your shoulder, keeping you in place. You felt your blood starting to boil. "Look, he just got stabbed, give him a bit of space to breathe, okay?" You harshly pulled her hand off your shoulder and ignored her indignant look. "Honey, I'm going in and you're not going to stop me." You raised yourself to your full height and glowered down at her. It was times like these when you were grateful for your godly parent's mightiness and for your own reputation. She swallowed before shaking her head. "Hey, don't make me call-" "HE'S MY-" you lowered your voice, which had gotten surprisingly loud, and cleared your throat. You felt heat rise to your cheeks. You had almost blown your cover. You recovered. "Step aside," you sneered, "now."

The girl finally seemed to get the message and stepped to the side, lips curled in a grimace. You ignored her and darted inside the room. You saw Luke and gasped, slapping a hand over your mouth. His waist was wrapped in bandages and he looked awfully pale. "Oh my gods, Luke," you cried, feeling your legs get weak at the sight. "It looks worse than it is, I promise, love," he assured. You sat down on the side of his bed, looking him over, subconsciously checking for any more injuries. When you found none, you took his hand in yours and intertwined your fingers.

"Did they take care of it correctly?" "Yes, baby." "They gave you stitches?" "Yeah, four." "And they wrapped it tight enough?" "Yes, baby." "And-" "Baby, look at me." Luke's warm palm pressed against your cheek, guiding your face to look at him. "I'm fine. I'm okay. It was an accident. I'll be okay. It's just another scar."

You inhaled deeply, nodding slowly. You quickly wiped your eyes. You'd been so scared, you had immediately imagined the worst. But he was okay, he was here, with you, alive and well. "I almost hit the girl outside, she didn't want to let me in," you chuckled wetly. Luke cooed and wiped a stray tear away with his thumb. "Baby, don't cry. I'm okay, I promise." He sat up with a wince and pressed a short kiss to your lips. "And I forbid you to get into fights over me." You chuckled dryly. He had no idea. You'd get into fights with literal gods over him without a second thought. "Now," you ran your thumb over his knuckles, "tell me who did this to you."

The third time you almost got caught, well, you actually did get caught. And this time, though Luke would argue the contrary, it was totally, entirely and unarguably his fault. Really.

"Hey." A smile made its way onto your face at the sound of that voice you knew so well. You and some other campers were sitting around a fire, chatting and laughing. You turned around to see Luke and immediately opened your arms to hug him. He chuckled and bent down to hug you. He brushed his lips against your neck as he did so and you shivered. He sat down next to you, your thighs pressing against each other.

"Haven't seen you all day, love." He spoke quietly as he looked down into your eyes. You huffed and ran a heavy hand over your face. Luke tilted his head to the side. "I know," you groaned, "Mr. D has me doing all these stupid chores because I said something about Coke being a poor dietary choice or something. And apparently he took that personally." Luke couldn't help letting a chuckle slip. You gasped.

"Are you laughing at my demise, Castellan?" you asked, feigning an indignant look. He laughed, pressing a hand against your knee. "You have to admit, it's kinda funny." "Me shovelling pegasus poop because I said that edulcorants and aspartame are not good for your health is not funny!" He snorted a cute laugh and you had trouble keeping a straight face. You lightly hit his chest. "Screw you, Castellan."

His hand came up to keep yours pressed against his chest. You could feel his heart beating rapidly. "Yes, please." Your eyes snapped up to his and heat rushed to your cheeks. You rolled your eyes, shoving him back. "Shut up."

A few moments later, Luke and you had bid the other campers good night and started heading for the cabins. It was dark, so you and Luke allowed yourselves to hold hands. "I miss you, y'know," Luke spoke softly. "What d'you mean? You see me every day." You cocked your head to the side, looking up at his moonlit face, his scar being made more apparent by the white light. You thought he looked beautiful. "Yeah, but we don't get many moments to ourselves these days, there's always other people around and... I dunno, I guess I'm kinda tired of the whole 'keeping this a secret thing'..."

"Luke, baby, y'know I would love to not keep it a secret, but-" "Yeah, I know, baby, I'm just being fussy, I'm sorry." He stopped in front of the Athena cabin, turning to stand in front of you. "No, don't apologise, because I'm the one who-" You were interrupted by his lips on yours. Warm, soft and your favourite taste. The rest of the words died on your tongue as you wrapped your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes.

Luke pulled you closer by the hips, one of his hands resting on the skin of your waist underneath your shirt. You shivered happily and pressed yourself flush against him. Goosebumps erected everywhere he touched you and when he pulled away to kiss your jaw, your eyes fluttered closed at the pleasure of feeling his lips on your skin. You tangled your hands in his hair, twisting and lightly pulling at the soft strands. You pulled him back up to your lips, desperately wanting to kiss him again. He happily obliged and lightly bit your bottom lip. You couldn't help but let out a moan at the feeling. You felt Luke's grip on you tighten at the sound.

"What the-"

Luke and you froze on the spot at the sound of a voice you both knew too well. Slowly untangling yourselves from one another, you tried to fix your appearance before facing Annabeth with a nervous smile. "We can explain-" "Don't." She stopped you with a raised hand. "I'm just glad y'all finally got it outta your systems before I dropped dead from the mutual desperate pining. Good night."

You let out a small, breathless laugh as she disappeared inside the cabin. Luke ran a hand thought his hair, letting out a slow breath before cupping your cheek and stepping closer to you.

"So, now that that's cleared, where were we?"

#luke castellan #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan x you #percy jackon and the olympians #charlie bushnell #pjo series #pjo

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thefiery-phoenix · 7 months ago

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CONSEQUENCES (YANDERE HANGYUL BAEK X READER X YANDERE EUGENE)

Two psychopaths in the entire series lol, far worse than serial killers

You felt like you were going insane and losing your mind trapped with Hangyul and Eugene, you despised them for stealing you from your life and your family. You regretted the day you ever met them and if you could change the time and course of your actions, you'd do that but unfortunately, the time and tide doesn't wait for anyone. You hated the way how Eugene and Hangyul coordinated with each other and found out everything about you and even had Eugene's brother Yuseong spy on you and give them daily updates on what happened in your life. By the time you found out about the secret cameras they installed in your room and in your own house, you felt sick to the core. You felt like screaming and slapping them across the face for doing something that repulsive to you. You knew it would be a stupid idea to contact the police, you knew what these psychopaths were capable of and the last thing you needed was for them to ruin your life further. Even though you found out what Hangyul Baek did in his hospital and found out about his secret of trapping people in cells where they never saw the light of day again, sometimes you felt like that would be a far better option than having to endure Eugene and Hangyul on a daily basis

You got down from the bed and walked into the living room, the dim lights and opulent furniture along with the beige walls and the carpets would have given you a homely feeling and looked aesthetically pleasing to the eye since you remembered saving tons of pins like this on your Pinterest boards, you had no idea how far these lunatics would go and they actually ended up furnishing the living room to your liking. You'd honestly be flattered if you weren't kidnapped and if you didn't feel like a freaking hostage. You looked around the room cautiously trying to detect any movement as you heaved a soft sigh of relief to yourself. Those lunatics weren't around, perhaps you could try leaving. You mapped out an escape route for yourself, the door was a bad idea since it had a digital lock that could only be opened from the outside and no doubt they both used some kind of high tech level security to prevent you from opening the door. The window was a no go for you as well since they were smart enough to have iron bars on the windows. But the balcony was a good shot, you knew there was a ledge down the balcony and if you could just manage to get down to the ledge and be a bit careful in climbing the pipeline to the ground, you'd be able to escape! You felt an adrenaline rush course through your veins as you felt a surge of excitement, something you hadn't felt in since a long time and you rushed to the balcony door and tried to open it but no avail. You grumbled under your breath and looked around for a way to break open the balcony door, unaware of the secret cameras that were watching your every move and action. The walls did indeed have eyes and ears

"How adorable, she's trying to escape'' said Hangyul as he chuckled and showed the footage of you trying to open the balcony door on his laptop to Eugene who had an amused smirk plastered across his face. The both of them shared the same look of malice glinting in their eyes and the way they had a sadistic smirk on their faces as they watched you trying to open the balcony door of fruitlessly. "What a naive little thing she is...she doesn't know we're watching her every move. But I'm rather hurt you know, we did so much for her and yet she feels like running away like the naughty little girl she is'' said Eugene as he sighed and had an expression of mock sadness on his face. "You don't actually think she'll leave...do you?" asked Hangyul as he looked at Eugene with a stoic look on his face. Eugene simply chuckled and shook his head. "You have the habit of worrying too much...but she won't. We won't allow that to happen... and our little sweetheart needs to know about the consequences of her actions as well'' said Eugene as his smile disappeared and a dark look crossed his face. Hangyul's expression darkened as he narrowed his eyes at the mere thought of you escaping from them, a thought both of them never wanted to entertain. Now that the very thought of you wanting to leave them was forming in your head, they had to squash it and nip it in the bud before it would get too out of hand. "Let's give our little sweetheart a surprise visit'' winked Hangyul as Eugene let out an amused chuckle as the both of them were on their way back to the residence where you lived with them

Meanwhile you were still trying to find something to break open the balcony door with so you could escape. After a few moments of fumbling around, you finally managed to get the balcony's sliding door open as you heaved a sigh of relief and you peered downwards to see if it would be safe for you to jump. It wasn't too steep but wasn't exactly too close either, you could manage, you just had to be careful. The last thing you needed was for you to end up with a broken ankle or some broken bones which would prevent you from escaping from these psychopaths who held you hostage for so long that you lost your sense of time. You entered the balcony area and as soon as you got ready to jump, you felt a strong pair of arms wrap around your waist and pull you back inside as another hand closed the balcony door shut again and you felt the hope die inside you. You were so close, yet so hopelessly far away from your freedom. You looked at Eugene and Hangyul with a resentful expression on your face as they both stared back at you with cold and stern expressions, their usual smirks long gone

"Why would you attempt to do such a foolish thing, my dear?' asked Eugene, his voice was soft yet his tone and the look on his face indicated that he wasn't playing games with you at the moment. "You're quite the foolish little thing you know...you could have gotten hurt. We're supposed to take care of you and love you and this is what you do. You need some disciplining sweetheart'' said Hangyul as he stared at you with his soul piercing stare which sent shivers and chills down your spine. The fact that they weren't smiling anymore indicated that they were really pissed off and you felt a cold sense of dread settle inside you. "I...I wanted some fresh air'' you mumbled lamely as you fidgeted nervously. You mentally cursed yourself for uttering such a silly excuse, you felt like you should have come up with something better but the severity of the situation didn't ease your nerves

"Tsk tsk...sweetheart, you know I hate liars'' said Eugene as he narrowed his eyes at you and he lifted your chin with his index finger to make you look at his cold stern gaze which didn't calm your nerves any. "You know...we do so much for you and yet you behave like a little brat. You need to be punished. You need to learn that there are consequences for your actions sweetheart'' said Hangyul as a sickly smile was plastered across his face which made the bile rise to your throat. "Wh...what do you mean?" you asked them as your heart raced madly and hammered wildly out of pure fear from their words. You felt your blood run cold, this was the first time you've known fear as you stood in front of two monsters who were very much capable of making people's lives hell. "Don't fret for now, naive darling...just rest. Everything will be clear soon'' cooed Eugene as you felt a prick in your neck and you could feel your vision and consciousness reducing. The last thing you remembered was them kissing your cheek before you managed to fully black out in their arms

You woke up a few hours later and you instantly knew they'd injected some kind of sedative to make you feel drowsy and weak. You could still feel the after effects which made you groggy but you were still able to decipher and comprehend what was going on around you and needless to say, you were not liking the situation one bit. "Ah...how wonderful, you're awake my dear...now, we know you might have been feeling a bit lonely and bored, which is why we'll play a nice game. A fun one which we think you might enjoy'' said Hangyul with a smile on his face, that didn't match the sadistic gleam shining in his eyes. "What do you mean?" you asked hesitantly as you looked at them with fear in your eyes. They both loved the way your pretty soft lips quivered in fright from the mere sight of them, it gave them such a rush of power as they found it rather endearing and adorable

They led you to the living room and made you sit in between them on the couch as they switched on the TV and 3 of your best friends were in a white room, blindfolded and gagged and tied up as your eyes widened in horror. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? LET THEM GO!" you screeched on top of your lungs as you glared at both of them. "You look so adorable when you try to be intimidating my dear, but you need to understand that your actions have consequences...'' cooed Hangyul as he had a sickly grin on his face and stroked your hair gently. "You know...I've always despised your pathetic little friends. They're like flies you know...but I don't really blame them for wanting to be around you, your personality is sweeter than honey...of course, we aren't really THAT heartless either, my dear...'' said Eugene as he smirked at you. "We'll give you a choice, since we're feeling...merciful at the moment. We simply cannot stand seeing you so upset...'' whispered Hangyul as his lips teasingly brushed against the nape of your neck

"What choice?" you asked as you raised a brow apprehensively. You REALLY did NOT like where this was going. "A choice for you to save one of those annoying little pathetic friends of yours. Which friend is more dear to you? Which friend would you be willing to save to be able to sacrifice the other two insignificant little pests'' asked Eugene as his smirk widened when he saw you squirm and look uncomfortable at the situation. They both loved it when you started squirming and felt pleased that they had such an effect on you. "Are you both insane? I won't choose between my friends! Please, let them go! They have families, they have their lives to live for! I'm the one who should be punished, I'll accept whatever punishment you give me but leave them alone'' you pleaded with a desperate expression on your face. "How endearing, you have such a noble heart...'' laughed Hangyul as his tone was laced with slight mockery and amusement. "How noble indeed but no, my dear. They've also had the audacity to get close to you and look at you and be with you...time's running out my dear. Choose before we choose for you. Tick...tock...'' said Eugene as he held your hand in his while you stared at the TV screen in front of you with tears streaming down your face, the fates of your dear friends lives resting in your hands

"Please don't do this...please...I'm begging you'' you whispered as you sniffed and more tears ran down your face. "You need to learn your lesson my dear. Now choose'' said Eugene with a slightly stern voice as you shook your head. "Not to worry then, we'll pick for you'' spoke Hangyul as he pulled out a remote and pressed the number 3 on it. The room in which your friends were trapped in glowed red as the number 3 was visible on the wall. A few men with masks grabbed one of your friends and twisted your friend's neck and you could literally hear the sound of their bones snapping before they fell down to the ground limp and lifeless. "NO!" you screamed as you flailed around and tried to escape from their strong grasp but no avail. "Please let them go! Please...'' you pleaded as your tears continued to flow. "Awww...darling don't cry...this is for your own good you know'' whispered Hangyul as he kissed your tears away and Eugene caressed your other cheek with his cold fingers in a nimble manner

Eugene pressed another button on the remote as the room glowed 1 and you could see the men in the masks drag your other friend and they pulled out sharp knives and stabbed your friend till the ground was covered in a crimson pool of your dead friend's blood while you watched on with horror, angry at yourself for being so pathetic that you couldn't save your friends from their deaths. "You...you said you'd spare one at least. Please just spare the last'' you pleaded weakly, hoping against hope that they'd concede and give in. "Hm...let us think about it for a moment'' mumbled Hangyul as he tapped his chin playfully as Eugene spoke "I don't think they really deserve it though...would you like to do the honor?" asked Eugene as he handed the remote to Hangyul. You tried to snatch the remote from his hand as Eugene restrained you by pulling you onto his lap and caged your body with his arms while you struggled to free yourself from him. The button was pressed and the last of your friends fell down to the ground lifeless and dead as a single bullet to the forehead painted the ground of that room with the spilled blood of your dear friends

You sat there still and motionless as you just witnessed the deaths of your dearest friends and hated that you were powerless to stop it from happening as silent tears streamed down your cheeks and you trembled slightly. "We would never hurt you my love...I hope you've understood your lesson now and the consequences of your actions...'' whispered Eugene as they both kissed your cheeks, sealing your fate to be with them forever....

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whocaresstillthelouvre · 3 days ago

Text

So It Goes...

Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Dieter Bravo x Female Reader

Rating: Teen. Summary: Today's the day you've been dreading... letting everyone know. Little do you know your day is about get worse... Dieter has to leave. Warnings: pov switching, pining, fluff, comfort, so much inner turmoil for them (don't worry they'll figure it out soon), call back to one of my favorite simpsons episodes, a secret reference to drag race because @devineconjuring is very funny, croissants Words: 3,400

A/N: Help, I've fallen for characters I've written and I can't stop writing out scenarios. If you love Dieter and Golden Girl like me, welcome back. The biggest most grandest thank you to @devineconjuring for being the bestest beta who lets me yell insane typo'd ramblings to her. She gave me the title suggestion and also is so smart and wonderful and excuse me, I have to go wave a flag with her name on it as I march in a parade in her honor. Previous Chapter Masterlist

*** His phone shrills him awake at 8:25.

ALEX DAVIES CALLING

Shit.

He gently shuffles out of the bed, instantly missing your touch when he delicately lifts your arm off his chest. He quickly tiptoes out the room and answers the call.

“Alex,” he whispers, eyes focused on the framed wedding photos that hang across the hall from the guest room.

“Sorry to call so early, Bravo, but Spencer’s decided to go a different way and he’s going to need you for reshoots on Bittersuite. He needs them stat, so your hiatus has been cut short.”

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How short?” He steps closer to the collection of photos, focusing on the photo of you smiling in front of a grand bookcase full of leather books. Your white wedding dress with the delicate threads of golden ivy flourishing across it catches his eye. He had downed drink after drink that night, trying to quiet the thoughts that rattled through his mind. God, he wishes it was him.

“Shooting starts Tuesday… back in London.”

His head hangs down. “Fuck,” he mutters.

“Sorry, Bravo. You good to leave tomorrow?”

“I have no other choice,” he grumbles, his eyes focusing on a backlit photo of you laughing and dancing at the reception.

“You don’t. I’ll have Court get your travel and hotel situated. She'll follow up later today. Alright?”

“Alright,” Dieter sighs, his heart breaking at the thought of 7,000 miles separating the two of you and not being here for you.

Ending the call, he opens his camera and aims it at a candid shot from your wedding. You and him are laughing, your heads thrown back, your arm grabbing his. Warren stands with his arm around you, wearing that same sly smile he always has. Dieter zooms his camera in, cropping Warren out of the picture. Now, it’s just you and him. To a blind eye, it looks like it could be a happy bride and groom on their wedding day. He snaps a pic, feeling somewhat like a criminal, rewriting the narrative of your wedding night in his head as he quietly walks back into the guest room.

You’re still asleep, splayed across the bed, mouth slightly agape. Your green pajamas have your old initials embroidered on them in golden thread that reminds him of the ivy on your wedding dress.

He gently lays back down. His jeans annoy him, but he didn’t trust himself to sleep in anything besides them. Like a self-imposed denim chastity belt.

He replays last night–the secret moments, half-spoken confessions, feelings, and declarations swallowed down before they could escape. One day you’ll know. One day he won’t feel like he’s crossing a line. He just wants to do good by you.

Two days now, he’s woken up next to you, feeling like he’s been in a dream. But everyone eventually wakes up. Reality always returns.

Today’s the day you open the proverbial door to hell, letting everyone know. Today, he has something to tell you: tomorrow, he leaves for London.

He watches you peacefully sleep, chest steadily rising and falling. You’re the first thing he’s seen when he’s opened his eyes for two mornings now, yet it feels like something he’s done for a lifetime. You’re not his, and yet it feels so right.

You sigh in your sleep. He wonders if you dream of him. Or is it Warren? God, he hopes it’s him.

He shouldn't feel this way. Your life will soon turn too chaotic, too unknown.

And yet he can’t ignore the way you looked at him last night, eyes heavy with words left unsaid. He wonders if you truly know how he feels. If you feel the same pull he’s always felt.

He pulls the sheet up over your shoulder with adoration. He wishes he could stay in this bed with you forever, shielding you under his heart and the soft blankets.

Tomorrow he’ll be far away, on a film set–surrounded by people, lights, and cameras–playing the hero of the story. And none of it will matter. Because you won’t be there with him. Because he can’t protect you. Because he won’t wake up next to you, feeling the warmth of your body next to his. Because he won’t be able to get lost in this temporary illusion of him being the one who holds you and loves you.

He could wake you up and tell you everything. Confess all the feelings he’s felt for all these years, risk it all, take a chance, and gamble with his heart. But he can’t. He’ll continue to toe that line for as long as he can, too terrified of losing you. He’ll take his unspoken words with him across the ocean and time zones. Where they can’t hurt you.

The morning sun shines through the sheer curtains, backlighting you, casting you in a rich golden glow. For now, he’ll stay here, laying beside you. Pretending you're his golden girl for a little longer.

–

Your phone alarm rings, jolting you awake. Your head is pounding. The bed is empty, but you swear you remember placing your head on Dieter’s warm chest in your drunken haze and being lulled to sleep by the tranquil rise and fall of his chest. You try to rub the sleep out of your groggy eyes, letting out a large yawn. God, you drank a lot last night. Speaking of last night–the realization wallops you upside your already aching head–the song confession to Dieter, the way his eyes rounded in sadness, how close he held you against him. The press of his lips against your forehead when he wished you sweet dreams. The feel of his arm wrapped around your body, pulling you deeper against him.

Another realization hits. You have to let people know today because, once they know, you can begin to move on. God, you don’t even want to think of the prospect of telling everyone. What will you say? Hey, it’s me, Warren left me for someone else, but it’s okay. I was kind of miserable in the marriage as it stood. Anyway, see you around!

You shake the thoughts out of your head. First thing first, find Dieter, then get some sustenance in your stomach and some Advil for your head.

“Dieter?” you call out as you get out of bed.

No answer.

You walk down the hall, and the house is quiet.

“Dee?” you shout as you head down the stairs.

Nothing.

Did your feelings offend him? Did your drunken confessions spook him?

The only sign he was here is that the records are cleaned up, no longer strewn across the floor. No note left, nothing. There’s no way he’d do this to you… right? God, what did you tell him last night? You feel like a fool. Not even 48 hours after your husband walked out and you’re trying to confess your love to someone else… let alone his best friend.

Why does this hurt more than your marriage ending?

Flopping against the couch, you feel ridiculous at how sad you are over Dieter leaving you like this. You feel the trail of a lone tear as it falls down your cheek. You knew today was going to be awful. You just didn’t think it would be this ba–

The doorknob jingles open, and Dieter walks in with a white bag and a tray of coffee.

You can’t hide the smile that spreads wide across your face when you turn and see him.

“Dee,” you whisper.

“Hey, Sweets,” he sends you a lopsided smile. “Was hoping I’d be back before you woke up. I got you your favorite.”

"You're the best, Dee," you say, gratefully accepting the coffee.

You can’t even recall the last time you told him what your favorite food was. Something as simple as breakfast is making your heart race in the middle of your living room. “You didn’t have to…”

“Of course I did,” he interrupts, walking over and setting the bag on the coffee table. “You need food, and I need…” He trails off, his eyes staying on you for just a second too long before he looks away. His voice softens. “...I need to make sure you’re okay.”

“Thanks,” you say quietly. “I am.”

He sits down next to you, tenseness radiating from his body and the way he moves. He clears his throat, nervously raking his hand through his hair.

You take a drink of coffee. Of course he ordered it the way you like it. “What’s on your mind?” you ask tenderly, turning to him.

He looks up at you, and for a quick moment, you think he might tell you everything you want to know… but then he looks away and leans back, rubbing his face with both hands.

“I–uh,” he starts, then stops. His voice cracks. “I have to leave tomorrow.”

A bomb. Dropped in the middle of your living room.

Your heart sinks. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” He whispers, as if saying it out loud will make it even more real than it already is. “Spencer wants me back for reshoots. London. I leave first thing tomorrow.”

Your stomach twists, the thought of him being thousands of miles away hitting you harder than you expected. You haven’t even begun to process the end of your marriage, and now the one person who has held you together is about to leave.

“Oh.” It’s the only word you can manage.

His brown eyes watch you, his brows furrowed as he tries to figure out your reaction.

“Look, I-I wish I could stay here and not g–”

“No, I know. You have to.” Your voice cracks. “I’m sorry, I’ll be okay. You can’t just stay because…” Your words trail off as they reach your mouth, dying in your throat.

Because you have to lie. Because you do need him. Because you know you can’t do this without him.

His jaw clenches. His eyes flash through something akin to anger, sadness, and frustration.

“I know, I’m sorry.” His voice is so fragile, like he knows just how much this is going to break you.

“Last night… What I said… Did I–?”

“You didn’t say anything wrong,” he interrupts, his voice soft but firm. “You didn’t.”

He squeezes his eyes shut, his hands clenching into fists as if holding himself back from saying more. He stands and paces the room like he’s trying to burn off the nervous energy buzzing within him.

“I told you I’d be here for you, Sweets, and now, I can’t.” He stops and turns to you. “I can’t be what you need right now. Not like this.”

Your heart breaks a little more at his words. You want to tell him he’s wrong, that he’s exactly what you need. But you don’t. You just nod, because you think he might just be right.

He moves closer, standing just inches away, his eyes searching yours for something. You don’t know what he’s looking for, but you want to give it to him.

“Dieter,” you say, your voice barely audible as a tear slips down your cheek. “I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to either,” he says softly. He steels himself with a deep breath. “But I have to.”

“Can we just have breakfast together still?” Your voice sounds so infantile and desperate. Another tear falls.

He kneels in front of you, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Of course,” he says, giving you the smile you’re going to miss.

—

He reaches into the bag and pulls out a croissant, flakes scattering like confetti around you. This is undoubtedly the saddest party he’s ever been to. He smiles at you, and you return it, but the smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes. He feels like a fuck up again. He feels sick to his stomach, his appetite waning as he studies you.

“How’s your head?” he asks softly.

You glance down at your cup, swirling the coffee absentmindedly, avoiding his gaze. “No complaints yet,” you reply with a weak smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Dieter laughs at the joke, but he knows you’re upset. Hell, he is too.

“You should have seen the line at the café,” he says, trying to distract you. “A guy recognized me and let me cut the line, so I got the last croissants of the morning. Sometimes this whole acting thing works out.”

You let out a weak laugh, but it’s barely a whisper against the silence that envelops you both. He wants to reach for your hand, to bridge that gap now clinging between you like a thick fog. “I’m glad I went, though,” he adds. “You deserve a good breakfast after last night.”

“Yeah, last night…” Your voice trails off.

His heart sinks at the way your words are left hanging in the air, raw and unspooled. It hurts to see you so distant. The croissant feels heavy in his hands. He places it on the table with a sigh.

“Look,” he starts, trying to steady his voice. “I-I hate this, Sweets. You nee—I told you I would be there for you, and now, I’m going to fail yo—”

“No, Dee. God, I’m sorry,” you turn to him, your eyes rounded with guilt. It breaks his heart to even look at you, sitting vulnerable next to him, still in your cute little pajamas.

“I didn’t mean to put you in this position.” Your voice trembles. “I just… everything is so overwhelming right now. I’m still trying to process all of it.”

He nods, his chest tightening with every word you speak. “It’s okay,” he reassures. The words feel hollow coming out of his mouth. He knows it’s not. He knows he’s lying. “You’re allowed to feel everything. I just…I want to help you, not make it worse.”

“I know you do,” you say softly. “That’s why it’s so hard.”

“Hard?”

You look away, fiddling with the edge of your pajama top. “Dee, it’s hard… because… I’m scared of what this means for us. For me.” You breathe in deeply. “Warren left me–no notice, no explanation. And now… here I am, sitting with you, and last night I–I–the song, you know. It feels like I’m just rushing into something I don’t understand, and now you’re leaving… for… so long, and I feel…you–you’re so important to me, and you’re–you–”

He interrupts gently, “You don’t have to say anything more if you’re not ready.” He can’t hear this now. He can’t. He stayed up holding you last night, thinking of that song and the lyrics. Eyes like sinking shipsOn waters so invitingI almost jump in

You nod, returning to your croissant. The bite you take of the flaky pastry echoes in the shared silence that hangs heavily in your living room. He wants to pull you close and hold you, but the fear and the quickly approaching deadline of his inevitable trip keep him at bay.

“What are you going to tell everyone?” he asks quietly. His shoulders hurt from the stress of holding everything back; he tries to loosen them. He feels like he’s letting you down with every word he speaks.

“I don’t know,” you admit, voice barely above a whisper. “I guess I’ll just… tell everyone the truth.”

You’re so brave. He swallows hard. Warren’s ruined your life, and now he feels as if he’s done something wrong too.

“Well, you’ve already told me, so there’s one person down,” he offers with a slight smile.

You laugh, and his heart soars, reminding him of the plane he’ll soon be on, traveling far away from you. Why can’t his brain just allow him one victory?

“I guess I’ll start with the important people and work my way down the list,” you shrug.

“Sounds like a plan, Sweets.”

“God, I am not looking forward to it,” you sigh, dusting off the crumbs that had fallen from your now-finished croissant.

He watches you with a mixture of admiration and concern. Your shoulders slump, pressed down from the weight of your own thoughts. His heart aches for you and all of the vulnerability you’ve shown him.

“Come here,” he finally whispers, leaning back on the couch. You hesitate for only a moment before sliding closer. He wraps an arm around you, pulling you in. His heart skips a beat when you lean against him, resting your head against his chest. This is all he’s ever wanted.

“Cartoons?” you ask, your voice already relaxed.

“Cartoons,” he nods, grabbing the remote. Now, this is all he’s ever wanted.

—-

The clock ticks above the television screen. Dieter has to leave your house by 3 to pack and get ready to go. You almost ask if you can accompany him, but you stay silent. You have too much to take care of today. Your family doesn’t even know yet. The sooner everyone knows, the sooner you can begin to heal.

It’s 2:45 now. Fifteen minutes left. You cuddle closer to him, relishing the feel of his soft shirt. He chuckles at Homer Simpson ordering a crab juice, and a small smile edges your lips. For a moment, you feel happy. You hum a peaceful sigh, feeling his strong arm wrap around you even tighter. His lips ghost the top of your hair as he takes in your scent with a deep breath.

The clock insidiously continues to tick. You wish it could just stop. That time could suspend itself here in your living room. But it won’t, and it doesn’t.

The Simpsons episode ends. Dieter reluctantly extracts his arm from around you. “I—need to get go—”

“I know,” you say.

He stands, the space between you widening, a chasm filled with unsaid words and feelings not realized. You watch him move, already mourning the warmth of his company as he slowly begins to grab his belongings. The sun filters through the windows, lighting your house in a bright glow, but all you feel is the darkness of your and Dieter’s impending separation.

You reluctantly rise from the couch, feeling foolish in your pajamas as he puts his sunglasses on and grabs his keys.

“Well,” he softly says, reaching for the door. “I should get… going.”

“Yeah,” you reply, trying not to sound as sad as you feel.

“You know, I’ll be back before you know it,” he offers, though the words feel like a fragile promise.

“I know,” you say, stepping towards him, bridging the distance between the two of you.

“And I’m always just a call or text away,” he says, his hand cupping your chin. “Take care of yourself, Sweets.”

“I will,” you whisper. “You too, Dee.”

You lean forward to kiss him. Just as your lips are about to meet his, he slightly turns his head, your kiss landing softly at the corner of his mouth. A bit of hesitation lingers between you, and a flush of embarrassment warms your cheeks as you pull back. He offers you a shy, sweet smile before he turns away and walks out the door.

Why did you lean in? You feel like a fool.

He walks down your front path and unlocks his car, and with one last solemn nod toward you, he gets in. You can’t watch him drive away. You shut the door.

Now it’s only you in your cold house, alone. You head to your kitchen and grab a bottle of wine and a wine glass.

It’s a pajamas and wine day today.

You pour yourself a glass and settle on the couch. It’s time to move on. It’s time to take care of yourself. You’ve got this.

You spend a long time on the phone with your parents, reassuring them that you are okay and will be fine. Exhausted, you switch to Turner Classic Movies and find a marathon of war films. Oh good, nothing with love, please. You begin to write the list of everyone who needs to know as William Holden tries to escape a POW prison camp.

Dieter’s text tone dings from your phone. Two texts. Your heart pounds against your chest when you read them.

Hey, sorry about earlier. I just knew if I kissed you…. I wouldn’t stop

#dieter bravo fic #dieter bravo x f!reader #dieter bravo x you #pedro pascal #dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo #dieter x reader #dieter the bubble #pedro pascal fanfiction #ppcu fanfiction #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic

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hotchsofficialwifey · 1 year ago

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mike bf request :>

abby and reader having a girls day talking about boys and it being super cute! and mike being annoyed about all this he doesnt want abby to grow up it makes him upset she’s starting to find interest in boys in her class 😞🙈

this request is so cute, i'm obsessed! bf mike >>>

"oh yeah?" you tease gently, looking up from your drawing. "what's his name?"

"luke!" abby admits, excited but somewhat embarrassed. "he's really nice! he shared his halloween candy with me last week!"

you had been dating mike for about two months, but you had been babysitting abby for many more. in the months you had known her, the two of you had grown really close; and on this particular day, when the both of you were hunched over the living room coffee table, drawing and watching her favorite cartoon, she admitted she had a crush on a boy from her school.

you thought it was really cute, and you felt ever-so-slightly proud that you were the first person she told. mike was sitting at the dining table and, unbeknownst to you, listening to the conversation. you didn't realize he was upset until you got up to get a glass of water and saw him with his eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed.

"you good, mike?" you asked after taking a sip.

"yeah." he huffed out. you love mike with all your heart, but he is quite possibly the least subtle person you know.

"c'mon, what's up?" you take a seat next to him at the table. he sighs heavily, before explaining:

"i just think she's too young for all this boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. after all we've been through? after all she's been through? i don't know, I just-I just don't think she should be worrying about that stuff." you smiled softly, finding his concern really sweet. one of the things that you found most attractive about mike was how well he treated his little sister, especially after everything that happened at the pizzeria.

"well, i can assure you she's not worried about anything. she just thinks he's cute, which is totally normal for a girl her age! i started having crushes around that age too, it's really no big deal. you don't need to worry so much, mike, she's smart enough to know how to deal with this stuff."

he contemplated for a second, absorbing your words before the tension in his forehead and eyebrows melted.

"yeah...yeah, I guess you're right. sorry, i just don't want her growing up so fast. sometimes i wish i could put a brick on her head to stop her from growing." you both let out an airy giggle.

"yeah, me too. but she'll always be your little sister, whether she likes it or not."

"yeah," he replied, watching abby draw in the distance. "yeah, she'll always be my little sister."

#fanfiction #fanfic #fluff #mike scmidt #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fluff #mike schmidt imagine #michael schmidt #micheal schmidt #abby schmidt #abby fnaf #vanessa afton #boyfriend!mike schmidt #fluffy fanfic

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dragon-chica · 1 year ago

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Creep Alert - Teen Wolf Preference

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Because someone has made me very uncomfortable at weekly pinball and I would like to take Theo.

Stiles: Okay he's not always the most observant person around, he will be talking to himself trying to figure something out or keep walking not realizing someone else has come up and gone all up in your space. When he turns about and you are visibly uncomfortable he RUNS back, trip/sliding between you and the guy pushing his hand off. Might have yelled "CREEP ALERT" on his way over, mile a minute talking asking if you're okay, did they do anything? name drops that he is the son of the sheriff and can get that guy written up for harassment. "Do you want to file a report on him? I'll call dad right now. Don't you go anywhere, we're not done here- PARRISH!" Spots a squad car and shouts over (it was not Parrish) and it becomes mess. But it certainly did the job.

Scott: Good of heart, dumb of ass. Despite his wolf instinct telling him to destroy the threat, he comes over the moment your scent turns distressed. He comes up right next to you with a comforting hand on your arm and inserts himself into the conversation. Genuinely not realizing this guy's intentions or what's going on besides you're uncomfortable and asks what's going on. Usually he's enough to diffuse the situation, but if someone's persistent he'll instead have you both leave.

Lydia: Has been in this kind of scenario too many times that she sees it coming across the room before anyone talks to you. She's learned exactly how to handle herself, either sweetly or with words that cut. Or if she had a 'big, strong, man' to handle it for her. Lydia's at your side immediately, telling them you're not interested and how far she'll shove her heel up their ass.

Liam: Sure, mess with the S/O of the werewolf kid with IED, that's a good idea. He doesn't usually stray far from your side but a few steps away was enough for someone to take his spot and feel a little too comfortable getting in your space and questioning you. His gaze shoots to you as discomfort sours your scent. He speeds over, eyes flashing gold and getting right in their face with you behind him. Not afraid to get physical if they want to keep it up.

Also if it's Brett coming to flirt with you, either because he's a slut or just to try and piss Liam off and you really are uncomfortable with his advances, all bets are off. Claws are out and he wants blood, it's a whole scene.

Isaac: At first it's a little harder for Isaac to come to your rescue, even though he's a werewolf now he's not used to the kind of confidence of doing something like this. You were always the one to try and protect him, and never faulted him when he didn't come to your defense, just trying to make sure you were okay after.

But now he's a werewolf, he can do better. He stronger. Intimidating. Despite everything, he still had to psych himself up walking over to you, who is obviously uncomfortable. He's not sure how to insert himself, but he is quite noticeable and doesn't have to do much. Being so much taller (and chest puffed) than your pest, they take the smart move to leave. Visibly deflate and swallows after that interaction and asks if you're okay. Gets bashful when you call him your knight.

Malia: No filter and very brash. People have thought of messing with her but the energy she gives off and feral look in her eye is almost always enough to deter them first. You though, are not so lucky. Already very standoffish, once she sense someone is making you uncomfortable she is staring them down and growling, barely keeping her claws in even as they leave.

Derek: He normally is overprotective of you, usually you just roll your eyes at his worries. But you certainly feel safe with a scowling sourwolf beside you. Until he's gone a few minutes too long and someone thinks that's their chance.

When he sees someone crowding in on you he's speeding right through the crowd and shoving them backwards hard enough to make them stumble and once they're thoroughly scared shitless by his hardened stare to flee, he's trying to get you to leave grumbling how "we never should have come here anyway."

#Teen Wolf x reader #Teen Wolf imagine #Stiles Stilinski x reader #Lydia Martin x reader #Isaac Lahey x reader #Liam Dunbar x reader #Derek Hale x reader #Malia Tate x reader #Scott McCall x reader #my stuff

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rekino2114 · 8 months ago

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Cuddling headcanons with danganronpa thh girls

Had the weird urge to be hugged to sleep by anime women again, so I hope you enjoy.

Kyoko kirigiri

Kyoko is the definition of neutral when it comes to cuddling, she usually doesn't initiate or mention it but just kinda waits for you to suggest to cuddle and gladly accepts it.

She doesn't have a preference when it comes to being the big or little spoon. She just lets you decide what you want to be and acts accordingly, but usually you alternate on different days.

While cuddling, she likes to talk about different cases she's working on and try to get your opinion on them. Even if you're not as smart as her, she thinks you can still help her, your presence and warmth helps her think clearer.

She's really insecure about her hands, so she 'll keep her gloves on even when you're cuddling, but later in the relationship once she tells you about them she'd start to take them off more.

Sayaka maizono

Sayaka loves cuddling, she's really clingy in general so don't be surprised if she completely randomly hugs you from behind and forces you to cuddle in the middle of the day.

She likes being the little spoon, the feeling of your arms around her never fails to calm her down.

She loves peppering you with kisses while cuddling, your face especially, she can't help it you just look so cute.

She'll sing you one of her songs to help you sleep or sometimes you even cuddle while watching a recording of one of her group's concerts. You always compliment her singing but She'll just blush and deny she's that good.

Celestia ludenberg

Celestia is not a cuddle person at all, you'll have to do a lot to convince her, or win a bet against her which is even more impossible.

During those rare times that you cuddle she likes to be the big spoon, but if you want to argue she'll offer a bet to decide that and ahe always wins of course.

She'll have someone bring you tea and pastries to eat while you cuddle. You don't have to worry about crumbs or stains, she'll have someone clean that too.

You're welcome to try and do something different with her hair but those drills are very hard to get rid off, Celeste will allow you to brush them through.

Aoi asahina

Much like Sayaka, aoi loves cuddling too, whe just loves the feeling of your bodies together and your warmth.

She also has no preference over being the big or little spoon whatever position you want her to take, she'll do it.

She always brings a box of donuts to munch on while cuddling, she'll obviously share them with you, she loves that her darling loves donuts too.

Sometimes she likes to cuddle immediately after her swim practice so she's still a bit wet and your body heat can dry her up.

Junko enoshima

Junko actually really likes cuddling, maybe even more than the other girls, you're basically required to give her a daily cuddle time as well as sleeping with her every night.

She's the big spoon, and you can not argue with her about that. If you try, she'll just hug you so tightly and so close to her chest that your words come out all muffled(it actually feels good so you don't argue after that)

She likes to stroke your hair with her long nails,she really gives the best scalp massages to ease your tension, she also likes kissing you all over your pretty face and leaving lipstick marks on it.

Her mood changes quite a lot even during cuddling she can go to praising you for what you did that day and complimenting you to talking about how she's gonna inflict despair on whoever even looked at you wrong.

Mukuro ikusaba

Mukuro is actually really touch starved she loves the idea of cuddling but is way too embarrassed and scared of you saying no that she doesn't bring them up, but when you do them she'll drop everything and wrap you in her arms.

As hinted at before, she's the big spoon she's really protective of you, so making you feel safe is her main priority even while cuddling.

She's not the biggest kisser so if you kiss her while being in her arms(even if it's on the cheek) she'll blush a lot and short circuit.

Sometimes she'll borrow one of her sister's plushies to bring to you and hope that it makes cuddling feel more comfy(she kinda has no idea what she's doing here so you have to comfort and reassure her every step of the way)

#danganronpa x reader #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #x reader #kyoko kirigiri x reader #Sayaka maizono x reader #Celestia ludenberg x reader #aoi asahina x reader #junko enoshima x reader #mukuro ikusaba x reader #gn reader

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lizzy06 · 4 months ago

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Sakusa Kiyoomi x Reader Fic Recs!! (Tumblr/AO3/Wattpad)

Haikyuu! Fic Rec Masterlist

Itachiyama Fic Rec Masterlist

THE BLIND DATING SHOW: Slide to Unlock Love ✨by liillyliilly (oneshot, fluff, comedy)She given the chance to appear on a blind dating show, but the catch here is… she'll be blind dating 10 guys based solely on their phones. Who will she end up with? Who does she eliminate first? Will she regret making an elimination too hastily?

Green or Gold ✨✨💖by @seokiloquy (oneshot, royalty au, butler! sakusa, princess! reader) A birthday, a ball, a prince and courting. [COMPLETED]

Home ✨✨💖by @amjustagirl (oneshot, hurt to comfort, angst, fluff) Kiyoomi’s concept of home doesn’t include you. Atleast, he thought that it didn't.[COMPLETED]

Envy /Ao3✨by @watevermelon (oneshot, domestic fluff, smut) Childhood friends with Sakusa Kiyoomi, you were sure that your unrequited desires would simply stay that way. From play-dates in his backyard to being the manager to the Itachiyama volleyball team, you were content with watching your friend pursue his dream. [COMPLETED]

The video call accident✨✨ by @reverie-starlight (onehot, humor, fluff, secret relationship)[COMPLETED]

sakusa x reader ✨by @augustinewrites (oneshot, humor, fluff) Sakusa likes you, the physiotherapist of MSBY jackals. or Sakusa Kiyoomi likes to think he’s a decently smart man.[COMPLETED]

I hear you- you can hear your soulmate’s thoughts. by @box-of-roses

➥ Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 |

Soulmate!Sakusa x Reader ✨by @watevermelon (oneshot, soulmate au) You are Karasuno’s manager and, unfortunately for the both of you, very popular among those in your year.[COMPLETED]

Counting Down To You ✨by @kouomi (oneshot, soulmate au)When meeting your soulmate is a matter of life or death, is it possible to beat the clock and find them in time?[COMPLETED]

change of heart by heart condemned Falling in love wasn't part of the plan. Kiyoomi never considered it; didn't deem it important enough to factor into his life. Until, he meets you and undergoes a change of heart he never believed possible. [ONGOING]

Quiet Sort of Love by @watevermelon (oneshot, fluff, angst, mutual pinning) Manager to the Fukurōdani volleyball club, there was no doubt that Itachiyama’s Sakusa Kiyoomi was a strong ace. He brought your team to their knees on multiple occasions, but what you were not expecting was getting to know the nationally acclaimed spiker beyond just the titles and labels.[COMPLETED]

COMPRESSION by @teamatsumu (oneshot, fluff, humor, manager!reader) atsumu is the perfect person to feed your obsession with kiyoomi’s arms.[COMPLETED]

Not So Ridiculous ✨by @mimi-cee-hq (fluff)When Sakusa comes back to visit his parents for a weekend to surprise his beloved mom for her birthday, he freezes, seeing you in his old room. You were an exchange student. He missed the memo. A cute and wholesome one-shot about Sakusa’s first impressions of you. [COMPLETED] Not So Ridiculous Part-2 ✨by @mimi-cee-hq (fluff) Sakusa has a crush on you, so he helps you navigate Tokyo during Tsukimi, Japan’s harvest moon festival. He gets a little jealous when he learns you’re there to support one of your classmates – so he may have suggested going up the cramp and crowded Skytree elevator with you.[COMPLETED]

Infectious Love✨ by LittleDeer22(fluff, eventual smut) Sakusa is always worried about what germs may be in his world, so on occasion he does the obviously very rational thing of calling the health department to see if there are any outbreaks in his area he should be wary of. What he didn't expect from these calls was to meet a cute Epidemiology graduate student with her own neuroses to tackle.[COMPLETED]

no secrets here by bunnytime (fluff, secret relationship, humor)in which his teammates realize they don't know anything about sakusa kiyoomi.[COMPLETED]

i don't wanna be just friends. ✨by azuriri (fluff, crush, developing relationship, angst)You move to Tokyo and are enrolled at Itachiyama Academy. There you managed to become the manager of the boys volleyball team and develop a crush on their ace, Sakusa Kiyoomi.[COMPLETED]

and they were roommates✨ by sakusas_personal_hole (mutual pinning, smut, roommates)Being roommates with Sakusa Kiyoomi is easy. Nothing happens between you two besides occasional dinner chats, but when Sakusa needs to tell you about a particularly hard practice, his day gets even harder.[COMPLETED]

Public Transit by kaientai (oneshot, humor, enemies? to lovers)There are only ever two types of people on the subway at five in the morning: those gearing up early for what the day has in store and those dragging themselves home in their drunken stupor. You just had to be the latter, didn't you?[COMPLETED]

freedomscapes by panini1995(post timekip, fluff) In which Sakusa Kiyoomi befriends [Reader] in his college days, for better or for worse. In the roar of live games, in the stillness of cheap coffee places in the morning, in the chaos that is college hallways at the sound of the bell--these are the quiet lulls in-between.[COMPLETED]

Fever Dreams by kaientai (oneshot, established relationship)A visit to your sick boyfriend ends up more heated than intended.[COMPLETED]

Drawing Our Moments by EdenxWrites(oneshot, love confession, High school)Sakusa falls in love like a thundering storm; slowly, and then all at once.[COMPLETED]

Behind a Germaphobe's Mask ✨by sakusasbiggestsimp (first relationship, fluff, humor, smut)Sakusa doesn’t know how he is supposed to go about the physical intimacy involved in dating, but he’ll try for you.[COMPLETED]

love again by enchantingoats (friends with benifts, angst and romance)In which Sakusa breaks your heart in high school, and being a Div 1 libero doesn't get any easier when you meet again as adults. [ONGOING]

be careful what you wish for by alicemitch09 (royalty au, labyrinth au, unrequited love)He wished you away. Your first love, Prince Kiyoomi actually wished you away. And now, here you were: forever stuck in this maze-like dungeon, guarded by a hulking beast for all of eternity.[COMPLETED]

Next year, everything would stay the same by secondhand_trash (friends to lovers, fluff, drunken confession)You and Sakusa had been best friends for years and he had always thought things would stay the exact same no matter what year it was. But as the end of yet another year approached, it seemed he was forced to acknowledge that some things had to change.[COMPLETED]

Touch Starved by sofa_and_stuff (oneshot, fluff, angst)Things had been going well with your boyfriend until you kissed him. Now, your dear Kiyoomi was acting strange. Had you gone too far too fast? Why was Sakusa acting so weird?[COMPLETED]

jungle by heartification (oneshot, post war, fluff, mutual pinning, smut, historical au) kiyoomi seeks serenity after coming home from war.[COMPLETED]

Fleeting Glances by @yourstarvic (series, suggestive)He doesn’t know you and you don’t know him. Sakusa is someone who stays in the same place, doesn’t like exploring thing or try new things. But when he starts something, he won’t stop until its completely perfect, pouring his heart and soul into it. When (y/n) loves to explore, she never stays in the same place for too long. She loves to try new things and going to different places. But Sakusa doesn’t like secrets so what happens when she has a big secret?[COMPLETED]

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geraskierfanficprompts · 7 months ago

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Prompt 27

Geralt is fighting a mage who takes his memory of the last 30 or so years and plops it in a jar before fucking off. Geralt is confused, but even moreso when he returns camp and some guy in obnoxious clothing is waiting for him. The man gasps at Geralt's appearance - No big deal, humans always do - Before rushing over to him and pouncing to attack. Geralt does the smart thing and flings the human away. The human slides in the dirt a bit and looks up at him with hurt in his expression, which is... odd. Roach also seems a bit peeved. Maybe because there's a strange man in their camp? "Geralt, what's gotten into you? That- That was rather rude. You could've just said you didn't want me to hug you today." "Today?" "Yes, Geralt! I hug you after every hunt gone well! Every day! What are you, a doppler?" "Are you?" "Hah hah, very funny Geralt, I'm laughing, truly, I am." "...How do you know my name?" And suddenly the human looks very worried. "Oh fuck- Did you hit your head or something!? Do you have a concussion? Can witchers even get concussions!?" The bright man screeches, reaching for him again. Geralt very awkwardly flails his arm up to swat his hand away with a harsh "Don't touch me." and the man glares at him, before slowly just looking... sad. Deep down, Geralt dislikes seeing this man look upset. It causes this odd ache deep to his core. Geralt begins interrogating this man about why and how he knows him, and the man keeps talking to Geralt as if he's some poor wet puppy in a box. Eventually Geralt tells him to leave the camp and not follow him. The man doesn't listen. Geralt is getting really fed up with him, until the man tells him he'll leave Geralt if he takes him to some woman named "Yennefer" because "She'll hopefully know how to help." This in turn becomes Yennefer saying Geralt's lost all his memories of Jaskier, Jaskier sobbing into Yennefer's shoulder as she awkwardly comforts her weird gay friends, and then her sending Jaskier and Geralt (and or also coming along) to track down the mage and get the jar of memories back, even though the entire time Geralt is adamant about Jaskier not coming, fearful for the human who seems to care so much about him for some reason. Either he can't trust this "Jaskier", or even worse, this Jaskier who seems too perfect to be true is real, and does indeed care for Geralt this much, and thus Geralt can't let ANYTHING bad happen to him.

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runningfrom2am · 9 months ago

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cold nights // part twenty-four

summary: you were back in the capitol, and you would be damned if you didn't try your hardest to make it worthwhile.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.5k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: yayyyy omg i didn't mean to wait so long to post this sorry y'all. also i think i have a coryo oneshot on the way soon maybe. unrelated to BOTH of these series, which is unheard of from me lol. oh, and i'm planning a few for this series for once it's done. (which is creeping up on us, somehow)

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

"Coryo." Tigris says as he comes back from walking their grandmother back to her room. With the "horrible" news that a District girl would be living with them, she insisted she had to lie down or she may just die.

"She's fine." He waves his cousin off, brushing past her to grab your bag for you. "Just her typical theatrics, she'll love Y/N when she gets to know her. Don't worry."

"It's not grandma'am I'm worried about." She whispers, grabbing his arm to stop him.

"Y/N?" He frowns, pausing and looking at her. "Is she okay? God- I was scared of grandma'am saying something like that to her..."

"She's fine, but you called her 'love', Coryo. In the elevator. Is she your girlfriend now, or something like that?" Tigris asks, looking back down the hall to make sure neither you nor their grandmother were overhearing.

"I mean, kind of? Not really, I don't know." He stammers, avoiding her eyes. "We never talked about it."

"Coryo!" She hisses. "If grandma'am finds out she'll have a heart attack!"

"Okay, then she doesn't have to know yet. As I said, one, we haven't talked about it and two, grandma'am will get used to her eventually and it will be fine."

"I know that." Tigris sighs, taking a step back and rubbing her head. "I'm making up the guest room for her. Just... don't let grandma'am find out."

"Obviously not." He mutters, picking up your bag to carry into the guest room.

"But Coryo-" She stops him in his tracks and he turns, looking at her expectantly. "Don't think I'm not happy for you, okay? She's incredibly sweet. Just... keep it between you guys for now. Be gentle with her."

He nods, giving her a small smile before carrying on down the hall.

When Coryo opens the door to his bedroom, you're sitting in the middle of the floor, leaning over your crossed legs as you write against the floor. "Y/N/N." He laughs slightly, closing the door behind himself. "What are you doing?"

You look up, and can't help but smile when you see him. "Hi." You grin, straightening up and standing, unfinished letter and pencil still in hand. "I was writing a letter to Lennox."

"On the floor?"

"Yes."

"There's a perfectly functional desk right behind you, love." He points as he closes the gap between the two of you.

"Yes, well, I did not want to overstep or seem nosey." You explain, looking at the desk and then back up at him.

He smiles, placing his hands on your waist. "This is my room."

"Exactly."

"What I meant," He chuckles, thumbs running over the sides of your stomach on your top. "Is that you can do whatever you want."

"Oh, well, thank you." You nod, looking down at the bed. "I'm glad to hear that because Tybs has already taken over your bed."

When he follows your eyes to the cat sprawled out on top of his sheets, he laughs. "See? He's already made himself at home."

"I am so sorry, I tried to keep him off. His hair gets on everything." You quickly say, already reaching to pick up your stubborn cat again.

"I have a lint roller." He shrugs, grabbing your wrist to stop you and leaning down to kiss your cheek.

"A lint roller?"

"Oh, love..." He chuckles, crouching down slightly to be able to pull you closer as he lifts you and spins you in a circle.

You laugh, trying not to crush your letter as you hold onto him.

"I can't wait to show you everything. You're going to love it here." He grins, letting you back down onto your feet. "I know you will."

You bite your lip over a fading smile, nodding up at him.

"I know it's scary, I know that." He assures you, once again running his hands up and down the side of your waist. "But you'll get used to it, and you'll be happy here. I promise."

"How are you finding things so far?" Tigris asks, curious as you make eye contact with her while making an extremely conscious effort to not spill the tea from the cup in your hand. It felt so delicate in your hands, and you have never felt filthier- as if just sitting on their couch or touching their things would ruin them. "Not that you've seen much, yet."

"It's..." You start, deciding just to put the steaming tea down so you don't spill it on your lap. "It really is like I've never been here before. Which is nice, because I was scared to come back, if I am being totally honest."

"I can imagine." She nods in understanding.

"When, um, when I was last here," You clear your throat. "We didn't see much of anything. We were always moved in vehicles with no windows except for the funeral, so..."

We.

"You could see some of the city from the zoo, though." Coryo adds.

"I could." You nod, swallowing over the dryness suddenly overbearing in your mouth. "Tigris, Coryo says you're a designer?" Changing the subject was the only thing you could do to help it.

"Yes, well, I'm trying." She laughs.

"My Ma is a seamstress." You tell her. "She's made everythin' I've ever worn." The way your District accent seems to reappear makes Coryo smile to himself- that's who you were at home. He can hear the tension and nerves leaving your tone.

"Really?" She smiles. "That's amazing. I've made much of our clothes, too, but it's just so hard to find the time."

"It is extremely time-consuming." You agree, looking over at Coryo next to you as he pats your shoulder. He points to the tray of snacks Tigris had brought out, and you reach out to take a cookie. You hadn't eaten all day, which was likely contributing to your shakiness. Though, you also hadn't felt hungry at all since you left home.

"Your mother is very talented." Tigris says, taking a sip of her tea and gesturing to the skirt and top you were currently wearing. "Does she embroider too?"

You look down, taking note of the detailing on the trim of your sweater. "Yes. All by hand."

"I've never tried it, I wouldn't know where to start." Tigris laughs.

"Oh, me neither." You laugh slightly, shaking your head. You did know, you weren't as good at it as your ma, but she still put in the effort of teaching you the basics.

"Don't talk too much about this- Tigris will turn you into a human pin cushion." Coryo teases, looking back to the hall to make sure grandma'am hadn't somehow made an early recovery and come out of her room before he can place his arm over your shoulders.

"Oh, hush." She laughs, pretending to throw a cookie at him as you chew slowly on yours, smiling. They remind you of you and Lennox, almost. The way they talk to each other, and how much it's obvious they love each other. Anywhere in Panem, kids are just kids.

The wave of a sick, gut-wrenching feeling hits you so fast that you stand up before you can even think about it. "Would you excuse me?" You mumble, turning and retreating down the hall to look for the bathroom Tigris pointed out earlier without even hearing either of their responses.

By the time you gently close the door and slide the lock shut, you're near hyperventilating. You hadn't even said goodbye to your own brother. You wrote him a note promising to write him every week and call once they had the phone that Coryo left them money for, but it wasn't enough. The idea of him waking to find you just gone, again, was all it took to have you sliding down the wall and curling up with your knees to your chest.

You were alone, and you missed your brother. Your family, the Covey. You should have said a longer goodbye to Lucy Gray, you should have woken Lennox and faced his anger about you leaving because that would mean you could have at least given him a hug. You felt like an awful sister, and an awful friend.

Even as you screw your eyes shut to try and pretend you're in your own bathroom, it doesn't do a thing to hold back the tears that have begun to stream freely down your face.

You have to be quiet.

What helped last time? Last time, you ran over lines. Coryo asked you to talk to him. Coryo was there.

Oh, she tore the letter into a thousand half-pence; railed at herself, that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her. 'I measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I love him, I should.

Thinking about it does very little as well, so you continue. With your forehead pressed to your knees, random lines and quotes flow through your head and are endlessly whispered from your lips. You don't have time to think of anything else.

You were getting better at managing your own panic attacks before Coryo came to Twelve, but since then you had been set back to square one. The games ended over two months ago now, and it still feels like it was only a week ago; the shock had worn off and you felt like you were losing your mind. Other times, other days, you were completely fine. As if none of it had ever happened, but would this move be the beginning of round three? Was this what your life was now? A never-ending cycle of feeling normal followed suddenly by the need to pull yourself up and out of rock bottom?

You didn't know if you could take it.

The nightmares came back day in and day out in that first week. You hadn't slept well, and you only left the apartment a small handful of times and even that was only for the sake of sending letters, getting things for Tybalt, and taking him to the vet.

Coryo really wanted you to get out with him for something you wanted to do or see, but at the same time, he understood why you wouldn't want to leave. When you finally agreed to leave with him, to go to the university campus with him to pick up an application and so he could give you a tour, he felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

"So, we live in The Corso. That main street we were just on, obviously. That's where all the Capitols Elites live, for the most part." Coryo explains, but you're having trouble paying attention. There were just so many people. You'd seen large groups of people before in Twelve, at the market or The Hob or the reaping, but never when everyone looked so different. At the same time, this also made it easier for you to blend in. Hardly anyone had stopped you, and you hoped it would be less and less from here on out. "Hey- you still with me?"

You look up at him, nodding. "Yes, that's lovely."

"You have no idea what I just said, do you?" He laughs, reaching out to gently fix the orange scarf you had draped around your neck and over your head that had begun to slide back over your hair. It was another effort to hide- it made you feel safe. You intended to return the scarf to him, but he insisted you keep it. Suddenly, you went nowhere without it.

"Sorry, it's just... quite loud. There's a lot of people." You explain, and he has to lean down slightly to hear you.

"Yeah, well, it is a Monday morning." He says, tucking his hands into his pockets. "Lots of people going to work."

You just nod, subconsciously drifting closer to his side as you walk.

"I was just saying that this is the route we'll take to get to school." Coryo grins, gently nudging your side.

"If I get accepted."

"You will." He assures you. "I don't doubt it for a minute."

Walking onto what must be the university campus, you already see fewer people. Classes for the fall semester didn't begin for a couple of weeks, Coryo said, so that allowed you to tour the buildings and property peacefully after you picked up your application.

It was another ornate building- outside and in, you realized as Coryo opened the double doors for you. You look around, eyes wide.

"Nice, hey?" He smiles, taking your hand. "Come on, the registrar's office is this way."

You follow him blindly down a few hallways, looking up at the tall ceilings and the paintings and out the windows and even at the architecture of the building itself. It was a lot to take in, but you were pleased it was so quiet. It wouldn't always be like this, and given that you do get accepted the way he promised, you wouldn't have time to process the beauty of it later.

Entering the office behind Coryo, you decide to keep your position mostly behind him as he walks up to the desk. There's not an ounce of hesitation in his gait- or in the smile on his face. He's all confidence. This is him in his natural state- it was nice to see him truly happy.

"Good morning, Mister Snow, what can we do for you? Did you want a paper copy of your schedule?" The woman behind the counter asks him, neatly stacking some papers and placing them down next to some books on her desk.

"Hello," He grins. "I actually was hoping I could get another copy of the application forms."

"Oh? Registration and acceptance closed weeks ago."

"I know that, but..." He steps to the side, nodding for you to join him. Nervously, you do, grabbing his hand under the counter. "This is Y/N, she'd like to apply. I know it's late but she just moved to the city so I was hoping we could work around it."

The woman's eyes widen. "I- Uh, yes, okay. Yes. We can certainly try." She nods quickly. "What program will you be applying for, Miss Y/L/N?" Of course she knew who you were, and maybe now it would benefit you.

You look up at Coryo, but he just nods at you to answer. "Oh, um, English Literature, please." You answer quietly.

"Arts." Coryo corrects you kindly, squeezing your hand and nodding to her.

"Alright, let me just grab those for you." She smiles, heels clicking on the floor as she walks toward a back room.

"And I would like my schedule, if that's possible!" Coryo calls after her and she turns to give him a quick nod before disappearing behind a polished dark-wood door. "English Lit will be your major, love, but you don't need to decide on that yet." He whispers to you.

"Gosh, I'm already embarrassing myself." You laugh slightly.

"No, no you're not. It's a little confusing. I should have told you."

"I didn't know registration was already closed, Coryo." You frown. "If it's inconvenient for them we should just go. I'll just find a job instead."

"Nonsense." He shakes his head. "Like I said, they want you here. They will make it happen, trust me."

"That's not fair though, is it?"

"It's more fair because you couldn't have handed it in on time if you wanted to." He says, dropping your hand in favour of sliding his onto your lower back.

"I suppose..."

"Okay! I've got it here..." The woman reappears and you paint on your smile, reaching out for the small folder as she walks up. "There's the application and some testing questions. If you could get it to us by tomorrow night that would be amazing."

"Yes, of course, I-"

"Tomorrow night?" Coryo asks, eyebrows raised at her. "Miss, respectfully, I worked on my application for weeks, and my tests were conducted by the school."

"You'll do just fine. Just try your best." She winks at you and he purses his lips, displeased that they hardly were even giving you a chance to submit an adequate application that would accurately reflect the extent of your intelligence.

"Thank you." You tell her honestly, clutching the stack of papers to your chest. "I shall have it done tomorrow."

Coryo assumes it must be different- shorter or lacking one (or several) of the essay portions. He grabs his schedule from her with a small smile, nodding before guiding you out of the room.

"Are you hungry or anything, love?" He asks you, sliding his hand up your back to rest between your shoulder blades as you move down the same empty hall. "I could show you around and then we could stop on our way back."

You chew your lip, papers clutched against your chest. "Perhaps you can give me the tour tomorrow when we come back to drop this off?" You ask, looking up at him. "I think it is more important I go home and get this finished, there is no time to waste."

He smiles, leaning over to kiss the crown of your head while you walk. "Yes, of course. Whatever you want."

'The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?'

Staring at the essay question on the page didn't make it any easier to answer. You almost wish you had started with this so you had more time, rather than filling out all the personal information on the first and second pages and the financial information Coryo helped you with.

The answer was painfully obvious. You didn't want to write about the games, how they challenged you both mentally and physically, and what you learned from them. A lot about yourself, very little about the city you now found yourself living in.

Tapping your pen against the desk, you roll over in your mind how you want to word this. It was a delicate line to walk- it had to be honest, but also favourable to the people who lived here.

"Coryo?" You call out, turning in your chair and standing up to head across down the hall to his room.

He had left the door open, laying overtop of his ironed bedsheets and reading one of the many books you brought for him. "Can you come help me, please?"

He smiles, dropping the book immediately. "What do you need?"

"The essay... I don't know what to write." Mostly a lie, you just needed clarification on the best possible route to take the paper.

"What was the question again?" He asks as he gets up.

"What is a challenge I faced, how did it affect me, and what did I learn from it."

"What about the games?" He suggests as he brushes past you, heading into your room as you trail behind.

"Well, yes, but I don't know how to best approach it. I feel like that is a very delicate subject from my perspective." You explain. "I want to be honest but I also want them to like it."

Coryo hums, leaning over your desk to look at what has been completed on the application so far. "That's... yeah that's tough." He agrees. "If you were to answer it fully honestly, no watering it down for them, what would you want to say?"

"That..." You pause, thinking about it for a moment. "That it ruined my life. I'll never be the same person again- and neither will my loved ones, and I learned that my morals crumbled quickly under pressure." And that it's better to die in the games than live to tell the tale.

"Okay, so... it gave you a new outlook on life and a more profound appreciation for the life you had before, and you learned that people can change quickly to adapt and overcome their circumstances," Coryo says, and you frown. "Not that it is necessarily true, but that's what they'd like to hear and you wouldn't be completely lying."

He was good at twisting words and telling people what they wanted to hear in order to get what he needed from them; after all, he'd been doing it his whole life just to stay alive. His future depended on it, but you had never noticed that before. Maybe that came with a Capitol education, 'people pleasing' could be a course they taught at his academy, you wouldn't know. Power is everything here, apparently.

"And... I suppose if I had to think of an honestly good thing, I did make some friends out of it." You say, smiling up at him hopefully.

"And I am so glad," He nods, patting your shoulder. You always tried to look at the bright side- he remembered getting that impression from you even just watching the reaping. "But you can't include that."

"Why not?" You tilt your head at him.

"They won't like it, love. I mean, I would, but unfortunately, it's not for me to read."

"I see. Okay." You nod, biting your tongue. Your priorities had to shift if you wanted to get into the university, and that is a condition you could accept with a bit of practice.

"Want me to stay in here?" Coryo offers. "In case you have more questions?"

"I would like you to stay regardless." You giggle, sliding your arms around his waist to hug him.

"Good." He chuckles. "I didn't want to leave."

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl , @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs, @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie, @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @strawberryflavouredkisses

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

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balkanradfem · 27 days ago

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So, in the light of sharing lesbian experiences, I thought I'd try sharing a story that makes me wary of dating; it ends in hubris, so be warned. It might make it more clear why I'm not trying to date the hot woman in my building! Click read more for a long sad lesbian story.

Years ago, I had a crush on a woman I met on tumblr. I started talking to her, and I told her honestly that I like her, and asked her if she was into women. She said yes! We started chatting and communicating daily, and after a bit we switched over to sending emails, so we could write long stories to each other. She was incredibly smart, talented, creative, she was a good storyteller, she knew so much about plants and animals, she had a garden, a dog, she lived in a country close to mine, so I could logically, at one point, sit on a train and meet her.

After we talked excitedly for a while, she told me she has a crush on me too. I was so happy. The unreachable scenario, your crush likes you back. I was living it, I was beside myself. I was dreaming of being in a relationship with her and how that would look like, and she was sending me flirty little messages in the emails. We kept talking, and slightly flirting with each other in our emails, and this went on for months. She would tell me about her life, experiences, past relationships, her art and books she wrote. I was into it all, I read anything she wrote or drew, I offered support whenever she was having a rough time or was bothered by something. I noticed at this point that if I send her my stuff, she doesn't really comment on it, but I felt okay about it, since I already had enough confidence, and wasn't looking to get praise.

During this time, I grew attached to her, I started to really love her. She was sweet and warm and so interesting to me. She knew a lot about stuff I didn't! Her stories and art were admirable and I remember fondly going trough it over and over. I felt a little bit like a child next to her, since she was 10 years older, and smarter, and I kept trying to prove that I too, am an adult, who knows stuff, and is smart. At one point we decided to have a video call, and I was so nervous, I had to go be outside to connect to a wifi, and I kept thinking what if it's awkward, what if we don't know what to say? I decided to tackle that issue by going trough a comic she drew and then using the call to give her tons of feedback, praise and opinions on it, it was a long comic so I was able to talk about it for an hour! She was happy to discuss it and our conversation went lightly and we had fun. I asked her at the end if she had a good time, and she said – yes, we talked about me the entire time! And I hadn't even realized that, until she said it. I think I felt a bit weird about it afterwards, because I do tend to fixate on people I like a lot, but ultimately, you know, we could talk about other things next time.

This is where things started feeling weird. We were talking for about 6 months then, and she was starting to disappear without notice. I wouldn't get my emails answered in a while, and every time I grew anxious and upset, wondering if I did something wrong, or she just got busy. At first I just blamed myself for, you know, being mentally ill, having abandonment issues, worrying too much. But I felt more anxious every time she'd disappear. I would sometimes have to go away too, for a few days, but I would always warn her, and let her know when I'd be away, and when I'd come back. She'd never say anything. So next time she disappeared on me, I asked her to please just let me know when she's leaving, because I easily get worried and miss her, and I do have some issues that make me feel abandoned. She said it was difficult for her to read this, because it makes her look inconsiderate in comparison to me, but she'll of course, say something next time.

She didn't. She kept both disappearing, and being too busy to respond to me. And even though we started talking with the idea of being in a relationship, it was never later discussed or prompted again, she only would add one flirty sentence to each email, so I'd know she's still interested. But now she was disappearing, or ignoring me, or - just lost interest. I had to slowly realize that we were not, in fact, going to date. Because if she wanted to be in a relationship, surely by now it would be at least discussed or mentioned, and we would want to spend more time together, find out more about each other. And instead she was responding to me less, growing away from me, but still wrote in flirty lines. I was heartbroken, but also found it too difficult to keep pretending that it's going to happen, when it clearly was not, the contrast of what she was saying, and what was happening, was too much for me.

It took me a hot minute to gather my courage, and then I wrote to her that her disappearances are heavy on my mental health, and in order for me to feel normal about it, it's best if we continue as just good friends, and then I won't have to be stressed about why she's not responding to me. And she responded to that one instantly, saying no, we're going to date, in fact we can be dating now, she wants to. But this was instead, even more confusing to me, because why now? We didn't mention it for months, there was no progression towards it, she's organically responding to me less and less, obviously losing interest in talking regularly, she didn't care to warn me of her disappearances to ease my worry and anxiety over losing her, so how could she actually want to date? I sent her an email apologizing, calling myself an idiot, offering to talk her trough my mental process of making this decision, blamed it all on myself and my mental illness, but I couldn't bring myself back in the mindset of just, waiting for her messages, worrying if she was losing interest in me, worrying if I did something wrong and she didn't want to be with me anymore. It was mortifying to me.

I sent her further two emails apologizing and asking if she was okay, now worried if I hurt her with my giving up on romance, if she's maybe upset with me. I said sorry so many times and asked her to please share with me how this has affected her.

She never replied to any. She never talked to me again.

And I didn't understand, for a long time, what had happened there. Nothing made sense to me, in one second she was asking for a relationship, and then in the next moment she was done with me forever. I waited for a reply for such a long time, before I finally accepted that it's not coming, she wasn't... she wasn't interested in even being friends with me.

This was baffling, because I believed we had, in fact, created a good friendship over those 6 months! We learned about each other's lives, interests, pasts, we discussed ideas and art and feminism and capitalism, we told each other stories, we shared our struggles and days, we had our jokes and references, I had an entire library of her works and art in my head at this point and cared for her deeply. I thought we had a bond, and regardless of it being a friendship or a romance, we cared for each other. And I could see we weren't going to progress to a relationship, because she lost interest, or at least the desire to talk to me regularly, and I accepted it, so what was wrong?

Well, it would take me months more of thinking it trough and catching little hints and signs of things that were wrong. During our conversation, since I hoped that we would date, I would regularly try to prop her up and make her feel good about herself; I always wanted her to feel special and amazing, and would often shower her in praise and admiration. I wanted her to know that being with me would mean constant support and appreciation of everything good about her, and she'd get endless warmth and adoration, because this is what I thought relationships should be like, right, and I wanted her to know that's what I wanted for us. This sentiment was not returned to me in kind, but I didn't mind since I could already feel good about myself. She also didn't react if I sent her some of my work, but I would react to her stuff for ages, because I knew how good it is to get feedback on your own creation, anyone would enjoy that. I realized belatedly, that when she'd ask for support, I'd drop everything to reassure her and comfort her, and be mad at her behalf, while when I asked for support, she'd kinda side with me but still talk about herself. But all of these things were so subtle and tiny to me, I couldn't even see them over the excitement of 'my crush likes me back'.

I wondered, if she wasn't into me at all, then why didn't she just turn me down at the start, or somewhere down the line, she could tell me if she wasn't actually interested in dating me. Because if she seriously did want to date me, then she could have tried being friends with me, speak with me more consistently, show me that she was serious and that she does want to talk to me, and then try for a relationship later; it was unlikely that I would say no, I was filled with adoration for her. So she didn't want a relationship, and she didn't want a friendship, so why didn't she just say no to me?

Because she wanted the attention. She liked being adored and having someone pursue her so passionately. And the rest... didn't really matter to her. She would have only talked to me, and flirted with me, to have me believe we were going to date, and the second I didn't believe it, and I wouldn't pursue her in that way.. I was as good as dead to her. I was just a resource in there. She didn't care when I was starting to get hurt by being ignored by her, and she didn't care when I specifically said to her that I was struggling with mental health because she was trying to have me believe in something I saw wasn't true. She still tried to push me back into pursuing her after I gave up because of pain. She wanted the attention even when it was hurting me to give it.

I also tried to put myself in her shoes, and see how I would react in her place. I imagined if I had flirted with someone, and then ignored them for a while, and they then asked to be just friends. I don't think I would have even attempted to persuade them to go back to how they were before, because I would be horrified that I set this person up with false expectations, and then caused them pain by failing them. I would be relieved that they weren't mad at me for leading them on, and would feel awful for leading them on at all. But I also wouldn't even bring myself into this situation; if I had feelings for someone, and then realized they're fading away, but this person was still hopeful, or anxious, I'd have to set them straight and tell them what's up, so they could get a chance to move on. Saying 'no I actually want to date, lets go back to that' when I'm ready to drop them in an instant would be unthinkable to me.

What happened was so much worse than being rejected, or turned down. I was at this point wishing so badly that I had just been rejected. I would have moved on from that in a day or two. I had created a whole bond with a person who could not have cared less, and who dropped me the second I did something they didn't like. If I had known that's the reality of it, I would have never wanted to be friends, or anything else. And I also had no way of knowing, it was a shock when things turned out this badly.

I left that experience with some new conclusions. One was that I'll never try to date someone who makes me feel like a child. When I would feel dumb or childish next to her, she would poke fun at it and tease me about it, when I would genuinely feel not taken seriously, and I hated every minute of it, I hated having to prove that I'm an equal to someone. I also would no longer try to pursue anyone with so much love and attention. I might have been wrong to be so honest and direct with my intentions and my feelings. I set myself up for exploitation. It wasn't the first time I was exploited in that way either, this was just one of the worst ones.

After this experience, for a while I stopped liking people in general. Considering even being friends with someone, filled me with anxiety and exhaustion. I fell depressed and had thoughts about never talking to anyone again. I just didn't want to be put trough this again, and it took time for me to believe that a person can be that selfish and cruel, and hide it for so long, I didn't believe this could happen. I guess it hit me worse than it would have because I have abandonment issues, and this falls heavy on a heart of a person who's been abandoned before.

But anyway, I am feeling better now, and I'm very careful about having any kind of ideas about dating! I'm not interested in anyone who gives even the tiniest hint of mixed signals, or wanting to play with my heart, or promise anything unlikely or far down the line. If someone says they like me I won't even believe them! But, I'm keeping my honesty, and I won't set anyone up for this kind of pain. If I don't intend to be with someone, they'll know right away :).

#sad lesbian experience #failed attempt at relationships #i still got so upset writing this!!!!#like i forgot about it mostly but when i remembered i felt the yikes and the pain #and the thing is i even considered if i was too harsh figuring out her motives #but she left #she left me to come to my own conclusions #and this is the only one that made complete sense #nothing alternative checked out

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lizzy-bonnet · 1 year ago

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I love Jane Austen's work and I love podcasts, so naturally I follow several JA podcasts (please drop recs in the tags). I'm enjoying Live from Pemberley from Hot and Bothered, but a comment from literally the first episode of the series has been circulating in my brain since I listened to it several months ago: one of the hosts expressed surprise (and disappointment?) in the fact that when we first meet Lizzy, she is "employed in trimming a hat". This comment literally comes right after a conversation about how Austen tells us so much in the very short space of Chapter 1; without wasting any words, we know exactly who Mr. and Mrs. Bennet are (lightly toxic relationship), understand their family situation (need to marry well), meet the main driver of the first act (rich man in the neighbourhood), and understand a social dilemma (girls can't meet him if Mr. Bennet does not make the first overture). So what is Austen telling us when we meet Lizzy in the employment of trimming a hat?

We so often read a sort of modern girlboss feminism into Lizzy because she is smart and stands up for herself, but I think that's something that really gets embroidered on to the text. Lizzy trimming a bonnet is telling us several things about her:

She is frugal - new hats and bonnets are really expensive (my casual hobby is shopping for reproduction bonnets and this remains true), because the straw is braided by hand, the bonnet shape is assembled and blocked by hand, feathers have to be gathered from real (living or dead) birds, ribbons and flowers are hand-finished, the whole situation is fuck expensive. Lizzy is most likely putting new trim on a straw or wool bonnet she already owns to make it work better for this season's fashions, or a new dress, and possibly recycling trimmings from other hats. Contrast this with Lydia's spending all her pocket money on an ugly hat in Chapter 39, just so she can reduce it to parts, even though she acknowledges she'll also have to buy some extra satin too, to finish the project.

She cares about fashion - we don't get a lot of information on sartorial choices in Austen's work, and when characters are discussing fashion, it tends to be a framework for explaining something about their characters; Miss Steele's need to know how much Marianne's dresses cost (rude, crass); Mrs. Bennet's loving description of the lace on Mrs. Hurst's gown (shallow); Catherine Moreland's agonizing over what to wear to the Assembly (young, a bit flighty); Bingley wears a blue coat (has probably read The Sorrows of Young Werther, is fashionable). The fact that Lizzy is trimming a hat tells us she is fashionable, but paired with the fact that she will get a petticoat muddy in order to see her sister, and does not spend a lot of time worrying after fashion like Lydia tells us that she does not live and die on fashion.

She is creative - I've trimmed various hats and bonnets over my years of interest in historical fashion and honestly it's not easy. It's quite fiddly to get a nice ribbon edge, a ruched lining takes forever, and getting sprays of florals and feathers to be nicely shaped and all in a complementary palette is quite fussy. Getting a nice looking bonnet requires some thinking and planning. But it's also great fun! The Regency era is, in my opinion, a particularly good period for hats.

She is normal - I think Austen wants the reader to understand that Lizzy is a young woman with normal cares and concerns. She doesn't have cash for a new bonnet, she wants to look nice, she knows how to put an outfit together, she's not frivolous like her sisters, and she engages in the typical pursuits of someone who is not yet one and twenty who does not have a specific occupation.

A lot of modern readers are expecting Lizzy to be striding around the countryside unconcerned with "girly" things, or reading a clever book because we have come to think of her as proto-feminist in a way that suggests she might be a bra (corset) burner, but I think that comes from an outdated feminist lens that still wants to tell us that girly things are bad, or at least, a bit weak, and I don't see that in the text at all (I think some of this trickles over from the adaptations). Lizzy walks enthusiastically, she enjoys reading (but not to the exclusion of other employments), she dances very well and plays with mediocrity, she cares deeply about her friends and family, she has excellent manners, and dammit, she trims hats.

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #lizzy bennet #regency fashion #bonnets #characterization

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