#don't worry i'm not terrified to post my first writing here on tumblr

[samuelsdean]

Stay With Me

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary:  "you’ve been shot countless times, huh?” “that sounded a bit more reassuring in my head.”

genre: angst & fluff

word count: 1.1k

author's notes: almost a year of no writing, but i'm finally home (i posted a new fic)! it's been one hectic year for me. uni was crazy & i started my clinical rotations. plus, i did my thesis & it even got a distinction mark so i'll be presenting it at a research congress pretty soon (yay!). with that, i'm really sorry for ghosting ao3 & tumblr. i couldn't find the time to insert it in between uni & breaking down lol. anyway, i'll be posting a lot more while i'm on break. i hope you'll enjoy reading my first fic after a year of zzz. have fun!

YOU CAN HEAR SIRENS AND PEOPLE SHOUTING.

They say when you are knocking on death’s door, hearing is the last of your senses you will lose. If you’re dying, you don��t know it. Nothing makes sense at the moment. It’s all just blurry hues of blues and reds and shouting—Stay with me—the smell of something metallic. The only thing you’re sure of right now is that your head hurts and it seemed like a van ran right through you with how achy your body feels right now. 

Who’s  that? You mused. Why are they yelling at me?  I’m  right here. You turned your head slightly and tried to open your eyes.

It’s quite the task.

“T-That’s it,” The person, whom you think was yelling at you, said. “Stay with me, Y/N. Don’t close your eyes.”

You groaned and gripped the person's hand tightly as if to stand up, but you couldn't. Everything ached. And the person holding you, just kept on talking, their voice a low murmur at first. But even through the haze of pain, it was starting to sound familiar. You recognized that dulcet tone, the rich, smooth sound that could captivate your attention with random facts or lull you to sleep with equal ease.

The voice, you realized with a flicker of a smile, belonged to Spencer, its familiar cadence a warm current cutting through the blossoming pain.

“Reid?” You croaked.

Your throat’s dryer than any other desert in existence right now. And you sound worse than you look—you think—you don’t know for sure, except the fact that you can’t move much.

“It’s me,” Spencer chuckled while sniffling. “I’m right here.”

“What’s going on?”

Even through the haze of pain, a new wave of discomfort bloomed in your shoulder, sharp and insistent. Before you could react and get up, Spencer's hand tightened on yours, his voice laced with a tremor you'd never heard before. "Don't move, Y/N. You've been shot."

He applied pressure on your wound—which you just noticed. The pain hit you in a delayed wave, a white-hot stab that stole your breath. You hissed a weak sound that did little to mask the spike in your heart rate. 

"Stop moving or you're gonna bleed out even more!" Spencer's voice, usually so calm and collected, was laced with a raw panic you'd never heard before.

"Easy there, tiger," you tried to joke, your voice raspy. "I've been through worse. I’ve been shot countless times. W-why are you so worried?"

The question came out in a shaky whisper, the concern evident in his voice a stark contrast to the usual intellectual debates you shared.

Spencer's grip tightened, momentarily cutting off your circulation. "Because you could have died, Y/N!" he snapped, his voice cracking with a choked sob. "You… you were…"

He trailed off, unable to put into words the terrifying image that had flashed before him when he saw you collapse, after hearing the sound of a bullet whizzing by and hitting you.

The sight of your vulnerability stripped away his usual composure, leaving a raw fear he couldn't conceal. It took him a moment to regain his composure, his voice softening as he continued, "You shouldn't be so glib about this. It was a nasty shot, close to a major artery."

Despite the pain, a warmth bloomed in your chest. You'd never seen Spencer like this, so shaken and afraid.

"Okay," you murmured, forcing a weak snicker. “I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, at least I got you to patch me up, right, Dr.Reid?"

A ghost of a smile glinted across his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Hold still," he mumbled, amused but also bothered at your dreadful timing for jokes. He applied pressure more gently this time. "You’ve been shot countless times, huh?”

“That sounded a bit more reassuring in my head” You quipped. 

A bit lightheaded from the pain, you clutched Spencer’s hand. The shriek of approaching sirens and the glare of headlights cut through the haze. You struggled to focus on the lifeline thrown in a storm of confusion.

"They're here," Spencer said, his voice tight. A sheen of sweat beaded on his forehead, a stark contrast to his usual cool composure.

"About time," you rasped, trying to lighten the mood. The effort cost you a fresh wave of dizziness, the world tilting slightly on its axis.

To which, Spencer shot you a look that was half-annoyed, half-worried. "Don't try to be a hero. You're losing a lot of blood. Any movement can dislodge the clot forming in your wound, renewing the bleeding. So, stop moving!"

"Just keeping things interesting," you mumbled, the words slurring slightly. “Wouldn’t want my last moments here on earth to be so grim…”

Spencer's jaw clenched for a moment, then he sighed, the sound heavy with relief. "You always were a pain," He muttered, but there was a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. You’re  going to be okay, he thought.

The sirens reached a fever pitch, pulling up right beside you. A flurry of activity erupted as paramedics swarmed, the rest of the team trying to make sure you were tended to and that you were going to be okay, their movements a bit panicked but practiced, and efficient. Relief washed over you, a sweet wave that threatened to pull you under. 

"Hold on, Y/N," Spencer said, his voice desperate despite the composure of his words. He kept his hand pressed firmly on your wound, his touch a grounding anchor in the chaos. “Help is here. Everyone’s here. Just… stay with me, okay?"

"Going somewhere," you slurred, your eyelids drooping.

"No, you're not," he said fiercely, his voice barely a whisper above the shouts of the paramedics. "You're coming with us."

You coughed a sharp rasp that sent a jolt of pain through your shoulder. "Stats say shoulder wounds aren't usually fatal," you wheezed, trying to distract yourself from the ache.

Spencer's hand stilled for a moment, looking at you like you’ve grown a second head. "What?"

"Yeah," you continued, your voice weak but persistent. "L-look, I get it, you're scared. But statistically, shoulder wounds aren't as serious..." Your voice trailed off as a wave of nausea washed over you.

"Maybe you shouldn't be reciting medical statistics right now," Spencer said sharply, his voice laced with a hint of panic.

“S-shouldn’t that be my line, boy genius?” You continued to joke, as the world dissolved into a scramble of flashing lights and blurry faces.

The last thing you registered was the feel of Spencer's hand tightening around yours, his touch a silent promise that resonated louder than any siren.

[itsclydebitches]

IT'S BEEN A DOOZY OF A DAY, FOLKS

Yeah I've got a couple asks about it lol. (Always a terrifying experience when you log onto tumblr and immediately wonder why your inbox blew up...)

Man, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. We've spent so many months working on the semi-confident assumption that RWBY would be cancelled that on the one hand I can't feel very shocked about this. On the other hand there's definitely a wide-eyed part of my brain going, "Holy shit the 'RT is failing' theories finally came true O_O" I'm kinda devastated that a company that's been a part of my life for almost a decade (and for other fans far longer) is just up and gone, but simultaneously I don't care because what I loved about RT hasn't existed for some time now. We've already been dealing with that nostlgia for years, we just got a hell of a concentrated dose of it today. There's admittedly some level of vindication regarding those who've been pulling shit in the company for so long and empathy for those who were just getting by and are now suddenly out of a job. There's regret that (despite my tendency to fall VERY behind on projects. RIP I owe everyone in this fandom a massive apology) I'll probably never have an official end to my RWBY Recaps. And there's worry about how this will impact the fandom...

Yeah, not to jump on the pessimism train, but I feel like this is going to catapult some fans' misreadings into new territory. RWBY is now forever the show that was canonically unfinished and thus its perfection is assured. Think there are major issues in Volume 9 and earlier? Nah, that's setup for Volumes we just never got. Catch a contradition or other mistake? They would have explained that if they could. Any possible issues with the show if it gets picked up by someone else? Well, of course there are issues, RT isn't writing it! This was already a fandom where having accurate, nuanced discussions about the text was hard as hell... but it just got so much worse.

Honestly, I say let it go. If they're going to do anything I'd prefer a complete reboot/reworking so that this story might stand a chance. Airing new RWBY Volumes was already beating a dead horse. Resurrecting the horse to start beating it anew just feels ridiculous. Yes, I'm sad for those fans who wanted an official ending, but we've spent so much time waiting on RWBY, being worried about RWBY's future, and I personally have encounted so many shows lately whose finales soured my enjoyment that there's something reassuring in the combination of definitive ambuguity here: you know you're not getting an ending by RT, so just have fun imagining your own.

Overall, I feel like I've got to sit with this for a while, you know? I totally get why so many fans (partiuclarly RWDE fans) are celebrating and/or releasing a sigh of relief right now. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen any crabs yet lol. But maybe it's just because I'm "old" my tumblr's standards, but there's something undeniably sad about losing that part of your fandom life. Or at least, losing what led to/represents that life. Getting introduced to RWBY by a friend, binging it for the first time, pulling new people in, finding like-minded friends here on tumblr, analyzing it for thousands of words, tracing its history and watching how radically it has changed... that's gone now. Not actually because RWBY still exists, as do my friends, and there's nothing stopping me from writing as much fic/meta as I want, but it still feels like someone closed a door on that part of my life. That's not wholly a bad thing given what RT has been lately, but I do think it'll take more than one post for me to unpack it all.

[mattstrahm]

ah but it's past 2am

diary posting again bc why wouldn't i be. i was so ill for most of november. here's some stuff on my mind.

first idk my blog looks so fucking sad with how little im posting and reblogging and i know this is on me because i don't follow enough sports blogs to feed this blog more, but finding new blogs to follow is such a nightmare. i've bitched and moaned about this before but wow it's hard. i really made a post in october complaining about the state of my blog and ellipsus not having curly apostrophes. ellipsus now has curly apostrophes but i've failed to do anything to fix the blog thing. oh well.

secondly i'm trying to put in place life changes creatively. i'm trying to think of a solution to doing dumb little ficlets/drabbles more often. i feel like i lost a really good outlet when i stopped doing twice a week drabble workshops on discord even tho it was 100% the right decision to quit. but the way i used to roll dice for pairings was really fun and pulling a 100 words out of my ass was great creative exercise. i miss that. i'm also doing a new thing for long form where i go in with a Real Plan. i know that sounds silly but listen... not a big planner lil ol me. and i don't know how it's gonna work out. it has enabled me to write out of order more which is fun, i don't really need to worry about it because i know i have a plan. and then as a third note i guess i hope to start painting again, like actually. getting paint to canvas.

thirdly (?????) yuletide thoughts. i am going back to calling what my family and i celebrate yule, it does make conversing with other people about the general time and holiday really complicated but what i do is yule. calling it christmas feels disingenuous bc christ is literally in the name but our celebration isn't religious, we exercise pagan traditions for it and i resigned from the church years ago... anyway. i feel like i wish i was more of a yule person and then every year i'm a little disappointed that that's not me. but then i do think i am for the first time in my life experiencing seasonal depression which is interesting, so i think that's kneecapping me too. i don't have any decor up, i had a phone call today with my mom about presents and i do have a buddy coming over which is exciting. i guess there's still time. i'll get my tree and shit out of storage and try.

fourth... i don't know. i haven't been watching sports at all which sucks a little but i've been holding a somewhat normal sleeping schedule which doesn't really... lend itself to USAmerican sports. but that's what i watch. i guess i am messing the sleeping schedule up right now considering it's nearly 3am, oopsie? i'm honestly too scared to watch sharks games again, mikke is showing that maybe love is enough in san jose and i'm terrified i'll open a broadcast and like his leg will fall off or some shit... (trust me im knocking on wood) so that's got me worried... i guess i'll look into the nfl schedule?

this won't make a difference to anyone who reads my tumblr posts but i am thinking i'm gonna start posting more about music i like on instagram (stories) and that's also exciting to me. that might be all though. uh thanks for coming to my diary talk again. love you. it's 3am now.

[orion-mp5]

Okay, so-

I'm working on a project for fun, and it has something to do with the art I posted recently....

I'M WRITING A STORY! I decided I wanna share my process with Tumblr for fun and to possibly hold myself accountable to finish it. I've only ever written short stories before, and don't entirely know what I'm doing, but if 50 Shades of Gray and Twilight can become a phenomenon, I'm sure I can at least get a few likes. Anyway- Here's a snippet!

I groan as I rest my head in my hands, the eye strain from reading for so long finally catching up to me. I’ve been rereading articles, emails, and letters for hours trying to figure out what to do for my next case. I could do a robbery case, there are quite a few missing heirlooms and break-ins, but there are also missing family members, and there are even some requests to have me investigate their bosses. I take a deep breath, slowly breathing out as I count to ten. I hear the door to my office open and sigh in relief.

I open my eyes and look up at my partner Angel. Angel looks terrifying, a black mass with a jaw full of teeth, eyes covering the side of their face, and a scar going through the biggest one. Their hooves tap on the wooden floor as they walk up to my desk, a cup of coffee in their large hands.

I take the mug from their hands, taking a sip of the coffee with a soft hum. I look back up at Angel, signing ‘thank you’ as I relax in my chair. Angel’s tail flicks in satisfaction before raising their hands to continue the conversation.

“You’re remembering to take breaks, right?” I nod as I take another sip of coffee. “Just was. My eyes were starting to hurt.”

Angel huffs, their tail flicking in annoyance. “If your eyes are being strained, you’re not taking enough breaks.” Angel crosses their arms as they glare at me. I sigh, shaking my head.

“C’mon Angle. You know I need to find more work for us to do to keep food on the table. If I wait too long, it’s gonna cause us more trouble than it’s worth.” I rest my chin on my knuckles as I look up at them, the constant furrow of my brow deepening.

Angel sighs, their eyes looking at me worriedly as they step closer, wrapping their tail around my bicep as they uncross their arms. “Alex, please. You’re always overworking yourself. It’s making me worried. We have enough money, we can take a break and splurge a bit. How about we go on a trip? You can pick what we do.” I want to argue, but I know they're right. Working this much is bad for my health, and they’d kick my ass if I kept this up. I look back at my computer, drumming my fingers onto my desk before typing into the search engine. Multiple things pop up, but what immediately catches my eye is an ad for a concert. But not just any concert-

“Tahllulah Byrne is having a concert nearby.” Angel is instantly leaning over me, trilling in excitement. The two of us have been obsessed with her music since before she became popular, so the chance to go to one of her concerts is exciting for both of us. 

I click on the link, and in a few short minutes, we have two tickets for her show in three weeks from now, seated in the middle section near the front.

“Looks like We're going to Foxwoods.”

Angel purrs as their hold on me tightens. I relax back into them, letting the tension in my shoulders subside. 

Angel and I have known each other for years, having first met at a festival. I perfectly remember how they scared a group of people by shifting into a tiger, and how they laughed in such pure delight. After that, Angel and I have been inseparable. I smile at the memory, before yawning, tears pricking my eyes.

Angel pulls away, dragging my arm with them, silently egging me to rest with them. I sigh, pressing my hands on my knees as I stand up. Angel heads upstairs ahead of me, and I stay behind to clean up my desk. I tuck the articles and letters into separate folders, organizing them by date and category before locking up the filing cabinet. 

I scan the room, looking for anything that needs to be tidied. I adjust the position of my chair before grabbing my mug and leaving the office, locking the door behind me. I take a swig of coffee before heading towards the stairwell, slowly ascending to the apartment with a wince, my body sore and creaky from sitting for so long.

I head into the living room, where Angel is already lying on the couch reading a book. I chug the rest of my coffee before placing it on the table. I sit at Angel's hooves, leaning forward to pull up the leg of my flared pants to undo the laces of my boots before kicking them off. I lay down on Angel's chest, wrapping my muscular arms around their middle. I hear Angel humming softly as I start to drift off into sleep, grateful I have them in my life.

And that was the first chapter of The Music of Murder, I hope you enjoyed!

[sometimesraven]

any writing advice for someone writing their first novel? (*cough, cough, aka me*)

<3

Disclaimer: what works for me might not work for you, so feel free to take, twist and scrap whatever you need. I recommend asking/shopping around for ideas and other authors' processes, and it'll take some trial and error before you find what works best for you. But here's how I personally write.

Disclaimer disclaimer: this got real long while I was writing it and I realised how terrifying it must look to a first time writer. Take it step by step, at your own pace. It's not as scary as it looks xx

BEFORE YOU WRITE

(I'm going to be focusing on the story itself, but I'm sure it goes without saying that you should have your characters planned out first)

First things first: have a basic idea of the story beats. It doesn't have to be a Big Old Detailed Outline, just a basic compass to keep you going in the right direction so you're less likely to hit a roadblock. Personally I use the Plot Embryo! Here's my favourite video explaining it:

It's a nice simplified, easy to use tool for plotting. Here's a page from one of my journals breaking it down in a way I can personally come back to and understand:

hopefully you can read my shitty handwriting but I've put a little breakdown in the image description.

I then use these prompts to scribble down the basic idea of what journey I want my main character/s to go through, and use that as my blueprint for when I write.

WHILE WRITING

First things first: if you're like me, and seeing errors or plot holes in the stuff you've already written will bug you forever, do what I do and NEVER READ BACK OVER YOUR WORK WHILE IT'S STILL IN PROGRESS. Sometimes I have to skim back to remember where I am but as a rule, once something is written it's no longer my problem until the whole thing is done.

Don't worry about chapters and other such structure. I use the plot embryo to split things up so I know where I am, but otherwise chapters and scenes Do Not Exist until the editing process. Here's the "chapters" of a WIP as an example (this is a slightly different embryo adapted for romance but you get the idea)

Then just keep going until you're done. You don't even have to do it in order. If I'm stuck on a scene, I'll just put a big word in all caps that I can ctrl+f easily (usually either ELEPHANT or PENIS sklfsgskjf) and move on to the next bit I have ideas for, then come back to it later.

This first finished story will be bad. It'll be rough, patchy, full of holes. THAT'S OKAY. This is what we sometimes call the "Zero Draft". The draft that literally exists just to get the story out of your head to make the whole thing easier.

EDITING

Warning: editing is the longest, hardest part of writing a novel. Your book will go through several different versions, be scrapped and torn apart and put back together again. This is what makes the story great.

This is where every author differs, and there's a whole bunch of ways this can go. Personally, the first thing I do once the zero/first draft is done is put it down. Don't look at it, don't touch it, don't think about it. For at least a month. This allows you to come back to it with fresh eyes that haven't been staring at the same words for so long they just hate the whole thing regardless (and you WILL HATE IT. This is normal).

Then, the first thing I do is read back over the whole thing, adding notes and reactions as if I am a reader. If a part of what I've written makes me go 🥺🥺🥺, I'll write that down. If something could be worded better, I write that down. If you think a certain thing that you would put in the tags of a tumblr post, write it down. Treat it like you're someone else's beta reader, note down every negative, every positive, every ???? part. This will give you an idea of what is and isn't working. Here's some of my funniest notes from my zero draft of book 2 just to prove how literal I'm being here:

Then, and this is a controversial move that doesn't work for everyone but it works for my autistic adhd self-loathing brain: WRITE THE WHOLE THING AGAIN. FROM SCRATCH.

This sounds daunting and it is, but you've already written it once, so the second time is easier. Usually I don't worry about making this perfect because again, this is just another draft. I'll copy from my zero draft anything that I think is fine and write new bits or scrap bits as I go.

Sometimes, the story is fine. Sometimes this is an easy refining process. However, if you're anything like me, sometimes the whole thing is messy and you'll realise halfway through rewriting that the whole thing needs restructuring. Do not despair. This is normal.

I'm using book 2 of the Truth Saga as an example for this. I got 40k words into rewriting it before I realised that the reason it felt so 'off' was because the whole thing was sagging in the middle, characters were being left behind, and the whole thing needed restructuring.

It was a rough realisation, as Reckless Truth (book 1) was such a comparatively easy process. I only did three drafts and didn't have to restructure much. Book 2 is giving me so much grief and I'm gonna slap it when it's done.

If you hit this roadblock, it might be time to do what all mood writers hate. Detailed plotting. Go right back to basics. Write down every plot point in detail this time. Act like you're spoiling the whole entire story for someone. Have you ever watched a movie or book review where the reviewer does a full breakdown of the plot? Do that. In this you'll find out exactly where you're going wrong and be able to tweak and fix it. If you have more than one main character, I recommend doing a separate plot thing for each of them and one for the book as a whole so that you can make sure their emotional arc is getting the attention it deserves.

Then, when you're happy with the new plot you've written based on the draft of your story, go back and try to rewrite it again. If this sounds like a nightmare, it is. But it's worth the work, I promise.

From there it's a case of rinse and repeat, reread, rewrite, re-edit until you're mostly happy with what you've got. Then send it to beta readers and editors to tear apart even more and put it back together until you think it's ready! I also recommend joining some writing discords, watching streams or videos about writing, just research research research basically

Happy writing!

[invinciblerodent]

Honestly i want to start playing DAO and then go up by release from there till the new one cause it all looks so nice and enjoyable but i haven't even started and i keep hearing about the fandom being the worst of the worst and people actually got truamtized from it im genuinely scared... Im only so new to this gaming fandom thing it started with bg3 and sims 4 and stardew valley for me lol everytime i want to install DAO Tumblr shows me a post about the toxicity of the fandom like its fate herself trying to warn me not to go there lmao

Oh babe, don't worry, really!!!! I'm sorry if I made it sound bad earlier lol, it's... well, it's no worse than regular fandom drama I reckon, it's just the one I'm familiar with, and one that's been around a very, very, very long time. The kind of toxicity there is, I genuinely do not think it is any worse than any other fandom's, it's just kind of what happens to every petri dish if you leave it alone for ten years: turns into something of a meme. But if you follow nice people, and stay out of the tags (as is recommended for every fandom tbh), I don't think you have anything specific to worry about.

I'd be DELIGHTED to see more people feel inspired to pick up Origins, partly because I'm a huge believer of art preservation, and think that old games, old books, and old movies alike deserve to be seen/read/played and enjoyed- in part to be able to appreciate what we have now, in part to see where exactly we came from, and in part to see how things have changed. I think that kind of context is necessary for any meaningful commentary to exist.

DAO is an excellent game, despite what people may say- it's just like 15 years old. Naturally, over that time, it has started to show its age: jokes have aged poorly, mechanics feel dated, people and views have mutated and evolved (nobody is the same person in 2024 that they were in 2009, or at least I hope), and the surrounding social environment as well as the technology have changed drastically, to the point that what was once scandalous and a bold, daring move, now just feels dated, stuck in the past, or even offensive. Media that is already out there does not have the luxury of being able to change and adapt as time passes, and I think we need to keep that in mind.

(Edit: adding a paragraph here because the previous one sounded very apologetic and negative: the cinematics in particular still feel intimately real in DAO, its treatment of the ambient and the limited tools it had is still very immersive, and the writing is very strong. I also remember blushing my way through flirting with Leliana that the first time [as a closeted bi woman who hadn't even realized that she's bi at the time], I remember feeling lost, and vulnerable, and terrified at certain parts, and elated, excited, joyful at others. And I really want everyone to be able to feel like that, and also gain the kind of insight they need to be able to see how far gaming as a genre had come.)

I honestly hope you do end up picking it up, because despite its age, it's still one of my absolute favorite games, and one of the stories that made me fall in love with RPGs, and games in general. I still vividly remember the first time I played it, when I was like 18 (which was 12 years ago at this point), and how it broadened my horizons, because until then, I kinda thought that games were either like the Sims, or like.... idk, first person shooters, not these big, sweeping, immersive stories you can get lost in.

I LOVE these games- I feel like that much is clear, lol. I just don't love the people who insist that there is one right way to love them.

I don't want to turn off anon for exactly messages like yours, but honestly, I do recommend to everyone who is at all concerned to do just that, to block liberally, and control their experience of engaging with the games as harshly or as leniently as they like.

It'll be fine. There will likely be an influx of new people picking the series up for the first time (just like there was with BG3) (though lbr, there will probably be a lot of people FORGETTING that the series is 15 years old but I hope they'll keep an open mind), we'll get a much-needed blood transfusion with people like you, and I genuinely hope that you'll have a very nice experience overall. ❤️

........

Also maybe save my favorite reaction image from ten years ago, and use it liberally. I know I'm gonna:

[erintoknow]

Hello !

I'm sorry if you arleady answered this (I don't know how to use tumblr frankly), but I would like to know if you have any ither writting project ? I really like your stories and how you write, and since I spend too much time on fallen hero: retribution (the reason I'm back on tumblr tbh) I started my annual reading of the Aria-serie (btw I was the anon who asked if she could "print your story for personnal use" and I only realised later than it sound more "kinky" than "I-won't-print-them-to-sell-them-or-idk-do-so-capitalist-stuff-with-it"

hello reading friend, I remember you! c:

it never once occurred to interpret what you said in a sexual way, don't worry haha.

i do have another writing project now but it's unfortunately not one available for reading at the moment though i do post about it on my tumblr here from time to time.

towards the end of working on the Aria fanfic series I was getting really itchy to get back to working on something wholly my own and with my life getting busier, that's why i decided to give that series the little capstone it currently has and start exploring other ideas.

i toyed around with a couple different ideas and writing sketches before settling on that were a couple of character archetypes from the fanfic and plotbeats that i didn't feel 'done' with yet and wanted to explore more on my terms. so i started working on something in june and now like, uh, 8 months later i'm 47k words into my second draft of a novel project i'm currently calling Soul Rebel (i used that for a fanfic title first i know, but it's a good title okay, it stuck with me).

whenever i post about it on tumblr, that's i've been tagging it as too. sometimes i post draft snippets or thoughts or dump a bunch of vibes screenshots, i've got a concept playlist that i keep meaning to finalize and post at some point too because of course it's not my writing if i don't have music associations going on.

i don't have a good succinct elevator pitch for Soul Rebel's concept yet, but basically the core thrust for it comes from a pretty personal pondering of mine which is: when i first came out, i had a choice. i could have a roof over my head, or i could be true to myself. i chose to have a roof over my head, and i always wondered about how things would have worked out the other way. beyond that i've been throwing pretty much a whole bunch of stuff that interests or terrifies me: the effects of climate change and sea level rise on daily life, the totality of the surveillance state, how the advancement in medical care in a capitalist society only widens the gap between the poor and rich, cool superhuman powers (and their not-so-cool side-effects), queer community, being a neurodivergent little weirdo(affectionate), and the essential value of being kind to others in a cruel uncaring world

i could happily keep infodumping about what i've got so far, but this posting is getting long enough that i'll leave it there for now, haha.

i have no idea what i'll do with this novel once it's finished. i mean, obviously i have some vague ideas for another plot line after it that i want to explore, but i mean like, it terms of putting it out there. i can't imagine ever getting to publish it. the publishing industry is a nightmare to navigate, and while this technically won't be my first finished novel (those fanfics get that honor, i guess?) it's still statistically unlikely to go anywhere. would any printing press out there even be interested in a sci-fi novel with a bunch of queer characters and focused on a neurodivergent trans woman and an in-denial Ace enby?? i've been stuck reading a bunch of YA for my job so maybe there's some book i'm missing, but we seem pretty thin on the ground in publishing rep.

my other thought would be to set up a website and post it online serial fiction style, though i'd want to have the whole thing finished first. i value my ability to revise and rework way too much to give that up again, haha!

so... yeah, that's what i've been fixated and working on a lot in my free time. at least, when i'm not spending time with my partner, playing dnd, or reading. and now i have a second job which means even less writing time, tears.

some day i want to go back and give the fanfic a proper conclusion arc, but right now Soul Rebel's got my creative energy fixation

oh geeze, i went on for way too long, sorry about that! it's uh, it's pretty easy to get me talking about this at a drop of a hat rn. anyway, thank you so much for liking the fanfic!!

it means the world to me that people actually like what i write. i went to college for creative writing and it kind of sucked really. i ended up switching to poetry for awhile because a least people weren't tearing me down for it. anyway, it's been incredibly weird in a good way to get, and to continue getting two years on, positive comments on the fanfiction. i never imagined anyone would care or even like what i put out there. i just wrote it solely for myself and threw it on ao3 in a 'eh why not' gesture, so...... thank you!!!!!!!!!

[iwannasleepbuticant]

Hello everyone. I do not know how to start blogging normally at all, so let's start like this. I'm just carrying a bunch of ideas, thoughts, feelings that I really want to share with someone, and damn it, why not? Even if no one needs it and no one'll read it. It's just important for me to speak out, I just want to. Maybe I'll get lucky and find an audience. It doesn't really matter right now, because I'm not really hopeful. Tumblr is too huge for people to suddenly choose me. But okay that's not the point, I wouldn't write if I didn't have to throw out a huge bunch of meaningless thoughts. Imagine, I even once wanted (and still want) to have some kind of YouTube channel to just sit, chat, draw, share thoughts, and so on. Yes, I'm so bad!

Aaaaaaaaand Im (like many now) obsessed with Welcome Home and damn, just imagine Barnaby and Wally ✨️✨️ . Barnaby is so huge, isn't it scary for Wally when Barnaby hugs him? Like he's twice his size. And does he also give himself a hug to everyone in a row or only to specific "people"? Don't worry, I remember that picture where Poppy hugs him. But still! By the way, there she can be even 3 times higher than him! And Barnaby is taller than her... Does Wally even like to cuddle at all? Can I hug him? Please. And don't be surprised if after the next site update you suddenly see a comment in the guestbook with similar questions. That's me. I'm just going crazy about it! I can't get it out of my head!

In general, I'm a little scared to be in the fandom right now. No, God forbid, don't think that I was trying to find personal information about a clown or somehow perverted his universe. It's just that I'm new to the fandom. Every time I go into the comments, I see that people have been following the fandom for a year or more, and I just came, and it may feel like I'm coming and going with a wave of popularity, and all my love, all my comments are not from the heart. Of course, time'll tell, but it still makes me very uncomfortable.

And I've been playing genshin for a year and a half (59 rank hello). Honestly, by the time Layla came out, I was already going to quit, but she melted my heart. She is one of the most comfortable characters for me, I honestly like her style of play, I like the way she moves, I like her voice, I'M IN LOVE WITH HER MEETING. She is my sunshine, I so want to spend sleepless nights with her in the library. In silence. I love her caramel-colored eyes, I love the most beautiful color scheme, I love her story. I want to hug her :_(

And also, I was thinking, we're going back to Welcome Home. Does anyone know why everyone shippers Eddie and Frank? I don't mind, I just don't remember a single case that they were together at least somewhere. Well, okay, one picture where Eddie holding his face, and Frank blushes. But that's it! Did I miss something?..

I just looked at the volume of the post I wrote, I'm terrified. And how do you shut me up now? Ehh, it's hard. I don't think anyone will be interested in reading my "notes of a madman". But in any case, I'm not regret it)

PS here are a couple of my drawings with Julie. It goes from my very first one ( which I drew in ibis paint :_) )to the one I drew a couple of minutes ago. Guess who is my favorite character in WH?)

[marshmallowgoop]

Thank you for the detailed and reassuring response! It's good to know I'm not that terribly slow at all of this!

I actually considered responding to the quoted part of the article in my tags, but I refrained because I'm always concerned about talking too much... which probably relates to everything I'm going to say in the rest of this post.

While I do consider myself new to video editing (editing with DaVinci Resolve for about a year), I wouldn't consider myself new to writing (it's what I got my degree in, after all). And with writing—particularly with fiction writing—I've often found that the more time and effort I spend on it, the worse it is. The work becomes stiff and overstuffed, and my ideas wind up not coming through.

But with video editing, I feel like this is rarely the case. Generally speaking, the more hours I devote to a video, the more I like it and the prouder I am of the results.

I fear that others don't feel the same, though. My second-most popular video on Tumblr is an "older" one of relatively little effort, and I unfortunately can't say that I care much for it myself. It took maybe 20 hours, tops, whereas more recent videos that pushed past the 50-hour mark—and that I'm far more confident in—have garnered maybe half the notes.

And of course, I'm really glad that my early edit has resonated with others, regardless of my personal feelings! It's a gift. But I'm absolutely terrified that I'm only getting worse here—that as I learn more effects and get more comfortable with my program, my work is actually degrading.

That's all maybe a very long-winded way of saying that much of my self-consciousness about spending so long on AMVs is that I worry the excessive time is actively decreasing the quality. I enjoy edits with lots of clips and effects... but are those kinds of AMVs just "bad"? Or is the way I'm executing them bad? Am I focusing on all the wrong things with my videos?

In the end, I realize that everyone's got their own tastes. And as stated in the "When fun has a time limit" article, "This is a hobby for most of us; why are we trying to cultivate a brand? Why do we obsess over this?" It's not like I'm selling my AMVs. If I'm pleased with my work, shouldn't that be considered success enough?

Probably, but it's still unpleasant to feel as though you're devolving!

And I probably should have made this a separate post! Most importantly here, I've enjoyed reading your thoughts about editing. As a new editor, it's interesting to see how others approach the hobby and what their experiences are with it. I liked your point about skipping over certain quality-related things because you don't care for them and would rather spend your editing time elsewhere, and I think that's where my ultimate struggle with editing lies. What should I spend time on? When—and where—do I need to stop?

I'm sure I'll always struggle with this; my fear of overdoing it is right in the tags of my first Resolve AMV, I'm hesitant to finish a WIP I've shared because it's performed better on Tumblr than any of my finished videos this year and I'm afraid that I'll totally ruin it, and while I don't think video editing ever exactly becomes unfun for me, there does always seem to be a point, at least lately, where I grow discouraged and hate my work.

(It's kind of funny and kind of sad, looking at Discord messages I send around the completion of a video. They say things like, "I added transitions and think I hate it now," "I was happy with it, but now I'm not so sure," and, "Should I be embarrassed to post this?" But going to bed and looking at it in the morning helps!)

Long ramblings aside, reading through your posts has really been reassuring! Video editing takes time, and my hours aren't all that unusual. That's good to know.

(Though, about the 30 hours versus 60—I mentioned spending over 60 hours on a 30-second video in one of my posts, but I also mentioned spending 30 hours on a 15-second video in the tags for the original post here. I know the 60 hours came from learning a lot of new skills, but the 30 hours is maybe kind of strange because I wasn't utilizing any new skills there, and I even had a good idea of what clips I wanted to use right away. Why that one took as long as it did, I really don't know!)

Originally posted 22 June 2022

[buckets-and-trees]

Bucky and the Bench

Pairing: eventual Bucky x female!Reader Word Count: 802 Summary: It’s not enemies to lovers, but it definitely doesn’t start out well.

Warnings: Slow burn

Additional Notes: Well, here’s my first post here… This will not strictly be a WIP, but it is a series of drabbles with a plan, if you will. Or if you won’t. I still will be drabbling…

“You’re on my bench.”

You look up, so shocked at this stranger’s audacity that you couldn’t hide the look of harsh scrutiny on your face. “I – this is a public park.”

He nods. “And you’re sitting on my bench.”

Your scrutiny turns to a glare. “You can’t have a bench at a public park.”

“Fine, it’s my favorite bench in the park. It has the best view.”

Your face softens slightly. “You’re not wrong.” Two things are working to disarm you. You don’t glare often, but when provoked, whoever receives it usually backs down immediately, and the fact that he hasn’t is intriguing. But he’s probably not because he’s likely never had to back down from anything in his life, the imposing hulk of a man that he is, well over six feet, built frame, and a piercing blue stare. He’s more than the definition of tall, dark, and handsome, and that doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Fine,” he sighs. “Can I?” he gestures to the right side of the bench.

You weren’t sitting in the middle of the bench, already slightly favoring the left side, so you shrug and scoot to the other end of the bench, moving your things along with you. He sits without another word. Out of the corner of your eye, you see him pull a book out of an inner pocket of his jacket, and he becomes immediately engrossed.

It’s only after another few moments that you realize the look out of the corner of your eye had turned into a full-on study of the man at the other end of the bench, and then you quickly move to rummage in your bag. You weren’t staring at him.

Except you had been, because how could he really have had the audacity to disturb you about, and then insist on sitting on, this bench? There were plenty of good benches here, and he could have sat at any one of them. And then he just sat there, reading To Kill a Mockingbird as if nothing had happened to get his handsome frame in that spot. And this may be his favorite bench (it was yours, too), but that was one of your favorite books, and you couldn’t tell if you were annoyed that he had it in his hands, or if you were curious. It was a classic, to be sure, but had he read it before? What did he think?

You glance up from your bag to look at him again. He was still reading with rapt attention.

Back in your bag, you settle on just pulling a mint out of a small tin, then settle back to reading your own book. For your lunch break today, you’d opted for a fluffy new romance recommendation alongside your sandwich. You aren’t embarrassed to be reading a fluffy, trendy romance book, but you did hope the stranger hadn’t noticed how vibrantly pink the cover is. You move the book to rest in your lap, pressing the pages open across your legs, effectively hiding the cover from any eyes that may judge.

Once you are back into your book, you only have eyes for the pages until your phone’s alarm blares, which is only a moment of interruption to you, but causes the man at the other end of the bench to jerk violently, nearly drop his book, and glare at you angrily when he realizes it is only your phone.

You give him a half-apologetic grimace as you slip your book and your phone into your bag before slipping it over your shoulder. He settles back into the bench, but this time hunching over his book, elbows resting on his knees, clearly attempting to block out all his surroundings, including you.

You stand and walk away. As you begin your journey back to work, you can’t help thinking how awful a meet cute that was, if your life was a romance novel or rom-com film. Maybe it could be worked into an enemies-to-lovers plot, but even that was a stretch.

Those brooding blue eyes though…

You laugh to yourself, exiting the park and truly getting back to normal life.

Normal, standard life, void of meet cutes, but a life you are generally content with, no need to worry about the man with the impossibly blue eyes or his strong jawline.

Because, honestly, what kind of man was so particular about a public park bench anyway?

So strange.

You don’t go back to the park and the bench the next day, but the day after that you do go and reclaim your bench. You’d been to that park and sat at that bench during your lunch many times – not every day, but two or three times a week, and you’d never seen him there before, and you don’t see him there again.

next part

↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!

[juniperhillpatient]

Lake Laogai

It's not even remotely a secret that I'm incapable of being unbiased or objective about this episode. I love Jet, & I think killing him off was a huge mistake & a waste. I wrote a post explaining in more detail why I specifically think that Jet's death was a writing mistake HERE.

This re-watch has been interesting because it's really nice to re-watch a fave show & re-evaluate my opinions after spending a lot of time engaging with the fandom. I don't know, maybe it's just my annoyance with the fandom's pushing for a Katara/Aang/Zuko love triangle but this re-watch has made me take a firm stance that Jet should've lived, & become part of the Gaang, & dated Katara. "But Rose, don't you prefer Katara with girls?" I mean yeah, I like to write that more, but I'm talking about what I think should've happened in the actual show, which is entirely separate.

[ID: two pictures from different angles of Katara & Jet in the streets of Ba Sing Se]

Katara & Jet have the whole contentious complicated past & I'm always gonna be a sucker for the dynamic where the girl is violently angry & the guy is just like "I'm so sorry I've changed please accept me" like, I'm just being honest that's a good dynamic. Jet's already pretty strong redemption arc could've been concreted & we could've had a new, needed perspective in the Gaang from someone who was a victim of colonization in a similar way to Katara & Sokka but with a very different experience & reaction.

I will try not to spend this whole post being salty though, that's why I made a separate post. The brainwashing under Lake Laogai is very creepy, & it is one of the aspects of the show that stuck with me the most upon first viewing & for good reason. All the Joo Dees speaking in unison is genuinely terrifying. Long Feng is also a well-written villain. He's sly, manipulative, & just creeps me out.

The other thing that I wanted to ponder on with this episode is Zuko saving Appa, & Zuko & Iroh's discussion. I want to make it clear that I think Zuko's redemption arc is incredibly well-written overall. I only criticize Avatar because I love it so much & have thought about it so much. There are a lot of popular Avatar hot takes on Tumblr about how Zuko's redemption arc is poorly written, nonexistent, or whatever, & I simply strongly disagree. I have to get that out of the way & be clear about it or I'll worry I'm being misinterpreted. I also like Iroh, although I feel like I don't always understand what's going on with him & this episode is an example. That's another thing I wanted to clarify because I don't want to come across as anti-Iroh. I don't know, maybe I worry too much about how I come across lol but anyway -

Iroh: And then what!? You never think these things through! [Points at him.] This is exactly what happened when you captured the Avatar at the North Pole! You had him, and then you had nowhere to go!

Zuko: I would have figured something out!

Iroh: No! If his friends hadn't found you, you would have frozen to death! Zuko I know my own destiny, Uncle! Iroh Is it your own destiny, or is it a destiny someone else has tried to force on you? Zuko Stop it, Uncle! I have to do this!

This scene specifically & the entire framing of Zuko's unhappiness about the teashop is very interesting. I have said before that I dislike Zuko as Firelord in the end, but that's not necessarily a firm stance...I guess I just dislike the inconsistency with how it was built up. Others who are willing to be much harsher than I am have often pointed out that Zuko went from following his father's orders & vision to following Iroh's vision of his destiny, & I think there's some truth to that. But what bothers me more than that, is that we don't actually get firm foreshadowing on what Iroh's vision for Zuko's destiny even is.

This is the first time we see Iroh really yell at Zuko & go off on him but it's unclear what he wants from Zuko. I mean, okay, he wants Zuko to be happy serving tea. I guess that's fine, but it doesn't quite work knowing that later, Iroh completely does a 180 on this stance & it's sorta like...What happened? Ya know? It's just inconsistent. And characters can be inconsistent, people change their minds, but we're not really given much information about Iroh's internal struggle concerning what he wants from his nephew so it just comes across as confusing to me.

Zuko's character arc is all about discovering what it is that he wants & acting on it. I've said before that my issue with Zuko's ending on the show is that Zuko always wanted to be Firelord & then he....becomes Firelord. That's not really a change? This scene between Zuko & Iroh feels like it was building to something larger with Zuko's arc, but it really....isn't.

That said, I do love Appa's return! Aang & Appa's reunion & Appa getting to be a badass is just amazing.

[ID: two pictures of Aang & Appa hugging, one from up close & one from a bit of a distance.]

I definitely enjoyed Appa's reunion with the Gaang the most out of all the parts of this episode.

Well, I enjoyed Jet's parts up until his death too. I also wanted to point out that Sokka teases Katara about her thing with Jet, but doesn't seem that angry at Jet himself & is quite willing to give him another chance. And it's Aang who breaks Jet out of his brainwashing by reminding him that they are friends. So, Katara is not the only one in the Gaang with any connection with Jet. Again, they should've addressed --- ah, whatever, I'm done.

That's all I have for this episode.

[altruistic-meme]

(I'm gonna have to disagree with your bio, I am the most terrified of Any Interaction Ever.)

Other than that, hello! I'm not new to the YR fandom or a new Tumblr user, etc., but I've only had my current blog (properly formatted and being used actively for the first time in a while) for about a month and a half. Everyone is so chaotic and simultaneously so welcoming, and I love it here. My problem is- I see y'all talking about group chats and stuff, and I'm like 'is this something I'm allowed to do? can I join the chaos?' but I don't know to ask. So here I am. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm trying my best ;-;

(ahah, it's okay we can be terrified together, darling ;;; )

Hey!!! you make sense don’t worry <3 I love your description of the yr fandom on here I feel that it's very accurate 😂 i love it here too

you can absolutely join group chats!! I'm in 3 yr specific gcs myself (albeit I don't talk there much lmao) one is a writing specific and two are other general

@willesworld runs the writers group <3 and @sirius-herondale runs one of the general ones! 

i poked around a little bit in the tags to see if there were more as well, but i didn’t see many posted on here rip. a lot of gcs that people may mention (myself included!) may just be personal gcs where people do talk about yr, but that’s not all. which generally means that you can’t really join those specific ones

but you are always welcome to make your own gc as well, and invite people to join!! either as a discord server style or something else (whataspp seems popular, i’ve seen people mention twitter, etc) :] of this i am of no help since i tried one (1) time and it didn’t work out but sdhfdkshf it is always an option! 

i would probably be willing to join if you did start one! though again im not often active in gcs so there is also that skdfhskdhf

but i hope this helps at least a little bit <3 

also if anyone else has a gc open to new members, add on!! 

[bamby0304]

Personal info dump under the line which includes the hundredth apology about not being active much. Just need to get somethings off my chest from the past few years which explains my absence.

Leaving a little trigger warning here... don't read under the line if you can't stomach some triggering content...

In late 2019 my pop had just come out of the hospital after having a stroke and three heart attacks in two weeks and I needed someone to lean on. I felt very alone seeing as most of my friends were on here... on tumblr. Sometimes you just need someone to be there for you in person.

During this time there was an attempt to set me up with someone… and I fell for it. It was complicated and toxic, and neither of us were mature about it.

At first I wanted nothing to do with him in a romantic way. It was honestly just nice having someone to talk to. We became fast friends. When we met I set clear boundaries, and we stuck to them for a while. He had a girlfriend and I wanted to respect that. I was happy with friendship. But one thing led to another and we started an affair. Even though we never had sex, we were still very guilty.

My pop had brain damage from everything that had happened. He got very aggressive towards me. I ended up sleeping on the floor of my neighbour's place for awhile before it got to be too much and I moved out.

In that time I had to give up my dog who had saved my life and helped me overcome my agoraphobia. In the months to come I realised my housemates were heavy drug users. I became suicidal and ended up going to hospital. During this time I was told that I had been drugged by a housemate who also tricked me into drinking alcohol. Meanwhile I lived with an abusive, narcissistic, gaslighting relative that I won't be describing as I'm too terrified to be specific.

My sister and her family hadn't spoken to me for years and the moment our mother brought us back together she pulled me out of there. Since she's been helping me heal.

I was in a very dark place, and even now as I write this almost 2 years after leaving I worry that someone from that part of my past has access to this account and is watching my every move.

I am only just getting my creative mindset back. I've only just started reading again since 2019 in the past few months. I feel like I'm slowly regaining parts of myself that I had to let go of in a time of great stress that just didn't seem to end.

So, again, I am so sorry that I don't post as much anymore. No one really nags me about it, but I feel like you all were such a big part of my life back then and I owe a number of you a massive apology.

I'm not going to tag or name you, but two of my friends on here have been through it all with me every step of the way. Throughout the years we've stayed in regular contact and I can honestly say that they have helped me more than they probably realise. So thank you to those two amazing people xx

[hadeskitchen]

Happy New Year!!

Wishing you all the best as 2022 begins💜

As many other writers have done today, I decided to summarize a bit of what I've done this year and share some of my feelings/thoughts about moving forward.

TLDR: Thank you. You're all lovely. I've got big plans for the new year and feel like I've accomplished a solid amount. I also feel like I'm in a good headspace for the first time in a long time and that's mostly thanks to you all. So, thank you! Here's to a better year!

Full summary, plans, and thoughts under the cut!

So, I found the IF community in early October (see here and here) and since then:

I've written over 42,000 words of Hades' Kitchen material (about 75% is the demo, the rest is research and notes, etc.)

I've written and released Hades' Guide (currently just under 30,000 words), which was a truly terrifying experience since it was the first big writing project I've published

I've grown very comfortable with Twine and learned basic JavaScript and CSS (click here for some insight into how I did that; answer: weirdly)

I made progress on two of my other projects (The "Secret IF" and The Summit)

I've written 288 (now 289) Tumblr posts and recently went through and reorganized, reviewed, and revised all of them (here are some of my personal favorites)

I've written several short stories, many of which shall be released in January (find the released ones here, here, and here)

Made some pinterest boards, picrews, aesthetics, and a kinda weird combined Spotify playlist for the characters (don't worry, individual ones are coming)

Some other more personal accomplishments:

I realized I'm genderfluid (x)

I started therapy

I made some new friends

I finished my semester with high marks

Now here are some of my goals for 2022:

and for once, I'm gonna try to make them "realistic"

Publish the demo for Hades' Kitchen

Publish the demo for Zorlok (aka The Secret IF)

Finish Hades' Guide

Publish a tutorial template (and maybe a style template) for Sugarcube

Participate in Interact-if's game jam, though I'm undecided if I'll do the ranked or unranked jam (Or both? No, remember, Albie, realistic!)

UPDATE: I'm competing in the ranked jam, to learn more about the game or follow it's development, check out the Mousetrap blog!

Release the remaining short stories

Commission an artist to make cast portraits (I have low hopes that I'll do them well myself 😅)

Be kinder to myself and try not to despair and spiral quite so much

I don't think you need me to tell you that 2021 was a really shit year (if you do, wow, I have terrible news...). There were stretches of time that I really struggled to get through, where my depression, anxiety, and/or apathy felt overwhelming and all-consuming. But in spite of all that - and despite everything that was 2021 - for the first time in a long time I feel like I'm leaving this year in a better mental position than I was entering it, and I honestly owe a lot of that to you.

Discovering the IF community has drastically improved my mental health/quality of life and I genuinely don't know how to convey just how thankful I am for that. I feel so lucky. Everyone I've interacted with on here has been so lovely and kind and I never would have dreamed that there'd be so much support for my creative projects. Thank you (yes, I know I'm a broken record at this point, but my gratitude cannot and will not be stopped). I look forward to creating more content for and with you, seeing everyone's incredible work, and getting to know even more people.

So, here's to a new year!! (I think it's our turn to kick its ass 😁)

[plasticnightmaredoll]

(art commission by the lovely and talented @curious-menace)

It is a time where I would like to see what my followers think about various concepts I have in mind pertaining to alternate versions of one my fics. It may take some time to write out any alternate versions since I've been busy and stressed out so much lately, but I am very curious as to what others would find intriguing to read.

But first, some backstory so be patient. We'll get to the voting at the end of this post.

I've been having a lot of bad days lately, and my mood has plummeted to a major low. This includes my self-esteem, which has always been in the dumps but is now basically a dumpster fire.

However, I don't want to be entirely cruel to myself. I deserve some sort of happiness, some sort of reprieve, and writing can be a good coping mechanism. I put a lot of my own thoughts, emotions, struggles, opinions, etc. into my works, as they serve as a way for me to get things off my chest. Sometimes, it's just cute and funny stuff, other times angsty but eventually fluffy stuff, and other times it's quite depressing and dark.

One fic, in particular, stands out, and that is the Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, "Volunteer," (trigger warnings: mentions psychological torture and suicide...more about this fic in a bit for those who would rather not read it because of those triggers) which features Arkham Knight Edward Nigma and Jonathan Crane, as well as a lady friend for Edward named Sara. It also features Erron Black and Cassie Cage from Mortal Kombat (Cassie is only mentioned in the story a few times).

If you read the blog intro/self-introduction post pinned at the top of my Tumblr, you know very well how I feel about Cassie Cage (particularly in MK11) and the Erron Black x Cassie Cage (BlackCage) pairing. Those negative feelings are mostly due to a very bad experience with a pushy BlackCage fan who just wouldn't relent one bit on their stance and it was emotionally and mentally draining to try and talk to them, including providing counter-arguments.

I've come up with alternate versions for "Volunteer" recently due to the spike in stress, depression, anxiety, and insecurities I've been dealing with as of late. This is where my followers come in!

I would like people to vote on which alternate take on "Volunteer" they would be interested in reading. Now, I can't guarantee when I'd get to it because, as I mentioned already, I've got a lot going on. However, I really want to try and write at least one alternate version of that fic, just to get some insecurities and negative thoughts off my chest.

Now, for those who are wary of reading "Volunteer" because of the trigger warnings, here's my advice: Just read the first chapter, if you want to. Chapter 2 deals directly with the sensitive subject matter, although, you can probably guess what happens anyway just by reading Chapter 1 and if you know anything about Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow...well, he likes to mess with people...mentally. To put it very mildly.

Now it's time for the voting. I have three different scenarios I've come up with that are variations/alternate versions of the current "Volunteer" fic's concept/storyline. I'd like followers to select 1 (one) alternate telling of the fic. I will open anonymous asks again, so if you are shy or just want your vote to remain a secret for some other reason, then that's fine by me. Otherwise, you can reply to this post with your choice.

Edit: if you are turned off by the idea of a Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, I get it. I don't read crossover fics myself, and that's usually because the crossovers either make no sense or do make sense but the ideas are poorly executed.

This crossover I'm talking about, though, isn't a full-on crossover of MK and Batman. There's no world-building, no larger plot, and no other characters in MK even appear or are mentioned except Erron Black and Cassie Cage.

If anything, it's more of a Batman Arkhamverse standard AU with Riddler and a female oc, and Erron and Cassie are the only concrete elements of MK brought in. I mean, yes, the other MK characters exist, I guess, but they have no purpose in this crossover I've written, and won't make any appearances.

So, if you had any concerns about the crossover aspect, I hope this clears things up

Choices below the cut!

A) "Don't You Wish"

This version is inspired by a song from Pink, called, "There You Go." In this alternate telling, Erron manages to survive Scarecrow's fear toxin, and escape (most likely because Erron is out of his mind and panicking, thus not a threat, and he has no one to help him, so Scarecrow doesn't give a damn what happens to the dude). The first thing Erron does is go to Sara's place, having already broken up with Cassie after realizing dating her was a mistake, and Sara means more to him than he thought.

Well, it's been several months since Sara basically pushed Erron out of her life for his poor choice in women, and (Arkham Knight) Edward Nigma has proven to be a much better (and, wiser and more sensible -- yes, I know, but he's not a skirt chaser, Guys) friend to Sara. While Erron ran off with a blonde selfie princess, Edward offered genuine comfort and companionship, and now Sara has been in the process of moving on from Erron even further.

Sara humors Erron and lets him tell her -- while sounding terrified, confused, and conflicted beyond belief thanks to the fear toxin -- what happened to him. Now, Sara doesn't know Edward asked Scarecrow to take care of Erron as a means of getting revenge for her. Doesn't matter anyway. She's unsympathetic towards Erron's plight, feeling as if he didn't even give her a chance to confess her feelings towards him, nor did he even seem to notice how she felt; it was like he was too busy with thinking with his privates to realize he had someone in front of him who would have treated him better.

Sara tells Erron -- in a flat, disinterested tone -- that his situation is tragic and all but wtf is she supposed to do? Why not go to his dumb blonde gf? Oh, they broke up? Well, how predictable. And Crane is also a (sort of) friend to Sara, which shocks Erron and leaves him feeling worse than before.

Sara sends Erron on his way, and he wanders off in a daze, unsure of what to do with his life now.

Sara and Edward meet the next day, and they have a pleasant time, obviously moving towards becoming a couple. She chooses not to mention Erron as she is completely severing the cowboy from her life.

B) "I Don't Even Miss You"

This alternate telling is similar to the previous one, but this time it's inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "WTF Do I Know" (Hey, her Plastic Hearts album is actually fantastic!), and Edward is with Sara when Erron arrives at her place in a distressed state. At first, Sara deals with Erron in the hall of her apartment building, unsympathetic to his plight and basically telling him, "I told you so," and "too bad." Erron is getting more and more upset, even angry at Sara's callous tone, and starts to raise his voice, demanding to know why she is being so cold at a time like this?

Edward overhears Erron raising his voice to Sara, giving her a difficult time, and he gets pissed. Edward steps out into the hall and not only mocks Erron in various ways, but demands that he leave immediately, or what Scarecrow did will seem like a trip to Disney Land. Erron has caused Sara -- who is currently moving on and growing closer to Edward -- enough problems and heartache.

Edward reveals he set up Erron, and while Sara is stunned to find this out, she handles it better than expected. Edward said it was his way of getting revenge for her, and he'd do it again if need be. Erron is sent away feeling so much worse, feeling lost, hopeless, and betrayed.

Sara and Edward talk and she admits she's upset that he did something like this without speaking about it to her first. However, he explains that he genuinely did it for her and he doesn't want her to feel pain at the hands of some "idiotic cowman," who doesn't consider the feelings of others and who behaves like a greedy, violent Neanderthal. (And yes, Edward does care for Sara, and he didn't send Scarecrow after Erron out of jealousy -- maybe a little jealousy but it was mostly rage over Erron causing Sara so much emotional pain)

Sara means more to Edward than he can express, and he may not be the best when it comes to emotions, but he does care about her and wants her to be safe.

Sara forgives Edward, understanding that, through his heartfelt but very nervous and shy confession that he is sincere about his feelings for her, and they make amends. She of course tells him to never do something so extreme without consulting her first, though, because what happened to Erron -- while she doesn't care what happens to him in the slightest -- was a bit too much.

C) "Listen When the Devil's Calling"

Another title inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "Night Crawling," and this alternate telling involves Telltale Riddler and no Scarecrow. Almost a year has passed since Erron went with Cassie and Sara, out of bitterness and heartache, refused to speak or see him. This didn't sit well with him as she was his only friend, and his relationship with Cassie dies within a few months.

He goes looking for Sara, realizing she has moved out of her apartment. It doesn't take him long to find out where she is, and she's with The Riddler, a notorious criminal genius and one of Gotham's elite villains. Erron is worried for Sara and seeks her out.

Turns out, Sara's just fine. This isn't one of those scenarios where the girl is with a guy who just using her and taking advantage of her vulnerability. No, Edward does actually love her and takes good care of her. He finds people like reckless, selfish, and ignorant people like Erron to be a disgrace but also amusing because of how pathetically primitive they are.

Edward also doesn't appreciate how Erron pushed aside a good thing in Sara to pursue a girl who is a social media brat and has more selfies on her phone than brain cells in her, well, brain. It defies all logic to Edward, but he's also not surprised because of how much of a disappointment Erron is as a human being (hey, this is Riddler we're talking about, and he's not one to be sweet and gentle to those he can't stand). Edward doesn't say these things out loud, though, as it's a bit too vulnerable and personal for him to do such a thing with someone he doesn't know or trust.

Sara is upset that Erron has resurfaced and she remembers how heartbroken she was when he went after Cassie Cage. She wants Erron to leave her alone like she asked, so she can move on. She can't trust him anymore, because he's just a skirt chaser in her eyes.

Erron tries to plead his case, tries to apologize to Sara, and expresses how he really feels, but this just distresses her further. Edward steps in and tells Erron he's done enough to Sara, she clearly doesn't want to see him, and he needs to take his leave.

This isn't a request.

Edward pulls Erron aside, telling the cowboy that the only reason he's going to walk away from this alive is that Sara hasn't asked for him to be killed. Should she tell Edward to take care of Erron, well, you all know what Telltale Riddler is like.

And those are the three variations on "Volunteer."

If you could be so kind as to:

leave a comment with your choice or

send an ask (even an anon ask) with your choice or

suggest your take on this story.

I'd appreciate it immensely!

Thank you all so much for supporting me and my writing and being patient with my sluggish publishing schedule!

[cassieschaosdimension]

I'm going to post this on tumblr instead of wattpad cause I'm like that, but this will be a collection of fanfic one shots from Draco's perspective giving him a redemption arc cause he deserves! Please let me know if you do want more after this.

The Train:

Eleven year old Draco Malfoy was standing on Platform Nine and Three Quarters hoping for a glimpse at the boy who lived. He like everyone else in the Wizarding world had grown up hearing his name. The story was one of legend and he wondered if Harry remembered it all. He was interrupted in his thoughts by two rambunctious red headed boys who brushed past him laughing loudly. He heard his father give a sniff of disapproval.

He pitied the boys even though he knee nothing about them. His father, Lucius Malfoy, was notorious for making sure none of his enemies were around to stop him. Draco had always wondered about the company his parents kept much perfering to stay in his room whilst they had any  visitors at all.

"Draco darling," that was his mother. He sauntered over to where she was and listened to what she had to say. "Draco remember no matter what happens at school your father and I love you very much. We will write you as soon as we get home and eagerly await your owl. Chin up, back straight. Malfoys and Blacks do not slouch."

Nodding his head Draco says "Yes mother. I love both of you too. And I can't wait to see the castle with the lake and my classes. Mom, do you think people will like me? What if I can't make any friends? I don't want to hang out with Blaise or Crabbe and Goyle or Pansy. They're mean and stuck up to people."

"Just be yourself darling and remember what I told you. Go see your father." Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy, formerly known as Black, was a thin woman who demanded respect when she walked into a room. No one ever knew what she was thinking, but one thing they knew was she loved her family dearly. She would do anything to keep her son safe and away from harm.

Draco walks over to his father. "Draco, while you're at Hogwarts please try to remember we are not like the others. We are of noble blood and we must be treated as such. Do not let others get you down. You are a Malfoy and the name of Malfoy has demanded respect for centuries. Do not mess it up. Have fun at Hogwarts, but do not forget what I have told you. Get on the train."

Mr. Lucius Malfoy did not have the best childhood and when Narcissa became pregnant he vowed to protect his son from harm. He did this by only letting him intermingle with those of his own kind. Pureblood was what Draco was so pureblood it was. He made sure his son had a normal childhood. Well as normal as he would let him.

After hugging and kissing his mother and shaking hands with his father Draco runs excitedly onto the train waiting to see if he could make any friends before he even got to Hogwarts. After looking into one compartment on the train he shies always from that one. It had really tall, really loud people in it! He didn't want that at all.

Another compartment had only girls. His only experience with girls his own age had been Pansy and he wasn't eager to find out if all girls were like her. She was enough to deal with. He wanted a group of guy friends. Crabbe and Goyle did what he said because his father was the boss of their fathers. They weren't his friends. They had to do whatever he said and he didn't like it. He wanted to have stimulating conversations like he had with his mother over tea.

Whenever Pansy and her parents came over she was so mean to the poor house elves Draco always went and apologized for her behavior. The house elves were sad to see him go off to school, but they were excited too.

Draco was not excited to leave his only friends behind. His parents had always taught him to look down on the house elves, but he was nice to them in secret. He didn't feel nice knowing he had to be mean to people. Elves were just like witches and wizards only different and way way shorter.

"Excuse me. Coming through. Lee has a trantula for us to look at. Budge along." It was the two rambunctious red headed boys who had brushed him going onto the platform. When they got to where Draco was their patient look turned sour.

The one on the right looked at the one on the left and said "Pardon me your Highness. Will you let us pass to get to our compartment?" Draco didn't like the tone he used. He wasn't doing anything wrong. The train hadn't even started to move yet!

"Oh yeah," Draco pressed himself up against the wall to let the two pass. He didn't like these two and hoped he wouldn't have to interact with them in class. They looked older though like they were definitely not first years. In fact all of these people looked a lot older than he was.

Draco was starting to get scared and started to stumble along the long, velvet carpeted, hallway separating the compartments from the platform.

With each peek into a compartment, he was getting worried. He had yet to see any people who looked like first years. At one compartment he saw Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy and immediately lurched past with his head down.

Shaken up at seeing them he stepped into a random compartment and was relieved to see a round faced brown haired boy with a toad sitting next to him. This boy looked like a first year like him.

"May I sit down?" Draco asked politely.

The boy looked to Draco and jumped in surprise. "Yes, yes you can. My name is Neville Longbottom and this is Trevor." He gestured to the tod sitting next to him. "Sit down and close the compartment please, Trevor might escape like he's tried four times already."

Grinning at the warm greeting, Draco complied. He stuck out his hand and said, "I'm Draco Malfoy. It's really nice to meet you Neville! I hope we can be friends!"

At the name Malfoy, Neville shot up in his seat in alarm. "M-mal-malfoy?! As in the Death Eaters?!" He started to fidget and panic.

Draco looked at the poor boy in utter confusion. "Former Death Eaters. Are you okay Neville?"

Eyes wide in fright Neville grabs Trevor and huddles at the furthest edge of the compartment. Away from Draco as if he had a disease. Draco wanted to cry. Here was a first year boy who looked terrified of him because of his name. He didn't understand why Neville was so scared. His parents weren't Death Eaters anymore and they only did it because He - Who - Must - Be - Named made them! All he wanted was a real friend!

Draco on the verge of tears turns to go. As soon as he opens the door he's met with a mane of brown, frizzy, bushy hair. He falls backwards in shock and hears a whimper from Neville.

"Hello. Everywhere else is full. They're about to depart so would you mind letting me into the compartment they would be wonderful." The bushy haired girl says with authority. "I would like to be seated when the lurch is felt. Excuse me."

She pushes past him and Draco stands up and when he's turned around the scene he looks at is chaotic.

Neville stands up to leap after Trevor, who with the door open, makes his way hopping faster than Draco expected towards freedom.

All else forgotten Neville screams "Grab him!" The bushy haired girl lunges for the toad and misses. Now it's Draco's turn to redeem himself in Neville's eyes. He too lunges for the toad and manages to grasp his left hind leg before he falls flat on his face his grip loosening on the toad who hope away unaware of the chaos he is about the cause.

Neville's face is distraught. "My great uncle Algie gave me Trevor when I got accepted into Hogwarts. See they didn't expect me to get in. I didn't show any signs until I got pushed off the Blackwell Pier. They expected me to drown, but I didn't!"

Draco and the girl exchange concerned glances. Draco knows that any Wizarding family will have almost all of their family members accepted unless they're a Squib and he's sure his family tree doesn't have any Squibs.

"So you're a pureblood?" Draco says cautiously accidentally falling into the girl who just sat down as the train gives a lurch just as the girl said.

The girl huffs and moves to give Draco room to sit and he smiles gratefully at her. He's never seen her before and she seems to give off the same air he does and he wonders if she's a pureblood from another country. As she speaks again he realizes they sound the same.

"Oh purebloods! I've read about them. They're the silly witches and wizards who think that half-bloods and Muggleborns are scum. I find that absolutely atrocious as I am a Muggleborn myself," the girl turns to Draco. "My guess is you're a pureblood?"

When he nods she starts to lecture him. "You all should be ashamed of yourselves! I read that if you guys didn't marry outside of your circle you would have died out! The mindset is completely rubbish and shouldn't even be put into practice. And at a school no less!"

Neville and Draco look at her shocked. For such a tiny girl she can inflict fear into anyone with that tone. "I'm Hermione Granger. And what House do you hope to be in? Personally I want to end up in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor as Slytherin seems filled with selfish and mean people and Hufflepuff seems filled with pushovers." (please don't hate me I adore the Houses remember she is basing them off of what she read in Hogwarts: A History it was really hard to insult my own House HUFFLEPUFF for life 💛💙💚♥️ fair House representation)

At this Draco swells. "Excuse me! My whole family has been in Slytherin for centuries and I can tell you we are not selfish and mean people! We care for the greater good!" (Just so you know I do not condone this type of thinking. This is just so wrong on so many levels this is just how he was raised remember that)

Neville seems to shrink into his corner again at the last three words and Draco instantly regrets. He wants Neville as a friend and now maybe he won't want to be his friend!

Hermione turns towards him so fast her hair slaps him in the face. "You sound like Grindelwald! He sounded like you! Are you a supporter of He Who Must be Named?! They were both awful men! How can you sit there saying that when they did such horrible things!"

Fear starts to creep into his eyes. These two do not like him. He is only repeating what he's heard his parents say! Should he say that? The words pop out before he can stop them. "My parents taught me that and I'm sorry if that was wrong all I want are real friends for once! Please give me a chance!"

Hermione looks at Neville and walks over to him. They converse in hushed voices. Draco's heart begins to sink. Will they give him a chance to be their friend?! All he wants is a real friend he count on! He doesn't think he wants to be a Malfoy if this what the name gives him.

The waiting is agonizing. It seems like forever when they suddenly turn to him and Neville says, "How do we know you're not lying? Your mom's sister made my parents insane! I had to be raised by my grandma! I love her, but I miss my parents!"

Hermione rubs his back and looks at Draco. "Okay, we don't trust you, but we are willing to give you a chance. Now, please help us find Trevor. He's special to Neville and he doesn't want to start Hogwarts without him. Please help us look for him."

Draco sensing a wonderful opportunity stands eagerly and nods. "Where do you want to start? Should we split up or stay together? Personally I think we should stay together because all of those people out there are scary."

The two stare at him in shock. They were not expecting him to jump up so suddenly and agree wholeheartedly.

Hermione says split up and Neville agrees, but then Draco pointed out no one would tell him anything since almost everyone knew who he was anyway. Finally it was agreed Neville would go on his own and Draco and Hermione would ask together.

Neville heads off to the left towards the front of the train because that's where he thinks Trevor would have gone. Hermione and Draco head towards the back of the train.

The first few compartments they encounter will only tell Hermione if they saw Trevor or not and ignored Draco completely. He wants to cry. Is the Malfoy name really making people not like him?! But they don't even know him! How are they supposed to know they don't like him if they don't know him?!

The last compartment holds two boys: one very red headed and one with round glasses and black hair. Draco had learned to hang back while Hermione does the asking. When she asks, they say no. The red headed boy pulls out a wand and Draco inches closer to see a real spell done. His mother made him promise not to use his wand until his first class because he could hurt people and he agreed.

The red haired boy says something about rats, daisies and yellow. As expected the rest does not turn yellow. Hermione scoffs and then fixes the black haired boy's glasses.

When the red haired boy introduces himself as Ron Weasley, Draco wrinkles his nose. He can't help it. His father says the Weasleys are blood traitors and Mugglelovers. He was always taught they were bad, but now he's not so sure.

Then when the black haired boy says his name is Harry Potter, Draco surges forward. As he comes into view Ron turns away in disgust and he deflates a little bit. He's going to have to be careful in how he says things. "Hello! My name is Draco Malfoy and I'm also looking for Neville's toad. I'm assuming since this is the last compartment he's not here. Hermione, I'm going to head back to the compartment to see if Neville found him."

With a smile and wave goodbye he leaves the three of them stunned into silence. The smile falls off his face as he trudges with a heavy heart towards the compartment to put his robes on. He realizes he should only stick to the people he has already met and he vows to steer clear of Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy for as long as he can and since they'll be in Slytherin like him it'll be hard. He'll manage.

He puts his robes in in the empty compartment and waits for Neville and Hermione to come back. Hopefully they will since their trucks are here. Smiling to himself at the he stares out the window already imaging what fun things he can do with his new friends!

Thank you for reading it! I hope you enjoyed it!