#don't tell my mum
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So...
ice cream is perfectly acceptable to eat for dinner, right?
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Ah, Xina. I see you have chosen... DEATH (we didn't kill her this time, but I was sorely tempted to).
The Empire is still under the impression that we're working together or something, and since we don't feel like breaking the illusion yet, Mechi reluctantly agreed to look after four paralysed prisoners who are (allegedly) from ancient cryptosleep caskets. I find that a bit tricky to believe because...
Paul? I recognise that name...
It seems that XiaoLiang's granddad from a similar prisoner quest has somehow re-contracted paralytic abasia, and also convinced The Empire that he's from an ancient cryptosleep vault. I am now weirdly curious about what strange shenanigans this grandpa must get up to.
The more I play this game, the less convinced I am that Mechi and Kwahu are the main characters... 🤔
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#rimworld#gracie plays#A Mechanitor's Message#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#slightly more polished art than usual#Xina is on thin fucking ice#Mechi can endure insults#he could probably even tolerate hearing insults against his dad#but the SECOND you come for his mum and his sister?#you're screwed#I wonder what the value of Taukai organs is on the black market?#And yes Yamka has a bunch of medical conditions#so when she grazed her knees as a kid#they got infected super easily#and it was bad enough that they had to amputate to save her#Perhaps Mechi was involved in the grazing incident or something#I don't know#it would add an interesting layer of guilt to his motivation as a character I suppose#anyway#Welcome back to Sparks Paul#we'll tell XiaoLiang you said hi#have a wonderful day everyone!!! <3 <3 <3
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my shrug mesh top is finally done!! i found this yarn in my mum old knitting stuffs and i needed to do something with it
i am really happy with the result it's so so comfy i love it and it was so easy i could do it again without a tutorial now!
tagging: @sweetnnaivete @daydream-of-a-wallflower @gentlehue @lostbuoyinblue @icarus-in-the-stars
#i hope none of you guys are bothered by the tagging!!#also if anyone see this do tell me if you wanna be tagged in my art /crochet/knitting posts#AND don't pay attention to one sleeve being more curly than the other#i had to frog one of my mums old knitting project that had this yarn because i didn't have enough of it😔#so the yarn was all curly#jupi crochet#j is rambling#crochet#crocheters of tumblr#crochetblr#crocheting#yarnblr#fiber art
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some feyre stans: nesta said feyre smells which is abusive actually
me and my siblings for no reason:
#if your older siblings didn't cover your mouth while saying don't tell mum while you sob are you really siblings#fighting for my life as the youngest#one sister broke the other sisters arm in a door#i smacked one sister in the head with a cricket bat#sister opened door and ripped off brothers toenail and all the skin
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ran out of cheese, making a run to the gas station and now have to miss the race 😞
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traveling as a carless person during the day:
traveling as a carless person at night:
#I HAD SUCH A FUN NIGHT 😁 but it's kinda lame to tell other adults that my mum is picking me up and i feel bad for her#bc its so far away...#BUT IT'S LITERALLY SO FUCKED. that public transport isn't regular at night. Dare i say: its infantilising people who for whatever reason#don't have a car. and its encouraging environmental destruction#my posts
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i was indeed born in seb's first championship year... even i think kimi ant is a child
Choosing to believe you're having me on... when EYE was fourteen on the internet I would've never under pain of death admitted to being an actual teenager instead of an adult and I thought 18 was a whole-ass grown-up.
#however. taking the chance to state my official policy re: minors following this blog#Which is: I can't stop you I'm nobody's mum I don't really care BUT be smart about it#(lying coherently) (if you're fourteen for real never fucking tell ME off anon oh my god)#elle asks
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my parents are proper fighting uhm
#honestly good my mum deserves it#apparently my mum said i love u to my dad at some point and he responded with no you don't so. drama. ahh.#she got pissed with him for drinking a smoothie he was meant to know to leave for her despite her never telling him too#and also because we didn't make dinner for her#you literally announced you were going out like 20 minutes before you left and didn't tell us to make you food for when you got back??#shes doing fuck all around the house except making dinner which is usually ready meals anyways#someone needs to put her in her place because shes getting angry at my sister and dad for not doing things around the house while she does#almost nothing#and her being in a bad mood or out the house all the time is making everyones life hell#like thanks mum for making me put my whole life on hold for you. its been months you are 50 not 15 get over your little mood swing#or atleast stop taking it out on everyone else
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mothers. oof.
#she just told my sister that she doesn't wanna ask my dad for anything so they're gonna have to make sacrifices#and it's like. well no my dad is legally obligated to provide for his kids and if he wont do it unfortunately youre gonna have to remind him#it's not like my dad is violent or dangerous in any way they just don't get along as exes tend to do#but i think it's my mum's job to put aside her own feelings of discomfort around my dad#to tell him that my sister needs x y and z#my dad pays for things when he's asked he just won't inquire about finances of his own accord#he needs to be asked#and idk i think saying that my sister needs to sacrifice their needs because my mum doesn't wanna communicate with my dad#is selfish#and yeah sure my dad sucks like he literally doesn't try at all#it would be nice if he just did his job as a parent#but he doesn't. and as the parent who's more present in my sister's life i think my mum should be the one to contact him#idk#i know it's tough and far from ideal#ideally my dad wouldn't need to be asked anything he'd just provide#but he's kind of a piece of shit#so yeah#i don't think my sister should be the one to bear the consequences of my parents' lack of communication#rain.stuff
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LMFAO I TOOK MY MUM'S FUCKIN' JOB
#one of her old work friends just called like 'I'm so glad I caught you#I really wanted to be the one who told you!'#honestly i also like the implication that there was a pseudo-race between josie and rachel and kate about who got to tell me first lol#they're all so sweet#i am gonna gossip so hard with my mum's old work friends you don't even know#now it's time to be terrified~~~#but also this is the greatest relief#i feel like i can be a human being again#i've been unemployed so long that i may have felt a bit defective#but even my 'starting work at new job' anxiety is greatly appeased knowing that i know half my co-workers already#and if i need clarification i know they're lovely and i can always ask my mum because she worked there FOREVER#i will brace myself for all the 'Oh you're LIZZY'S daughter!'s that i know i'm gonna get#but AH i'm so relieved#and it's only part time#4 days a week so i can REALLY get back into the swing of working again#I GOT A JOB#nah fuck fear this is just RELIEF#feathers speaks#psa for anyone not up on this tho: my mother retired and I took her job AFTER it went up again#i didn't literally steal my mum's job lol
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I might have OCD actually
#idk i can't tell if its ocd or paranoia#but all my life these “share this text to 10 contacts or your mum will die” always made me unreasonably panicked#and more and more because of posts like “donate now or you are a horrible person” make me deeply unwell#i feel so selfish because i know it's not their fault#im not blaming palestinians reaching out for help more like the people who share the posts and then guilt trip everyone#and i really dont wanna block the tags because it'll make me feel even worse and i still want to be informed#i have so many asks pilling up but idk what to do because I'm useless i can't help in anyway i dont have any reach and no money in my name#and i dont wanna close asks because i do enjoy ask games#but also idk what to do#because when i reply its so hard i feel miserable because i can't help but as soon as i reply i get 20 new ones and it's incredibly overwhel#overwhelming#but when i dont answer my brain is screaming at me “if you dont reply your while family will die in a car crash”#and it's a simple mental image to think of the more asks i answer the more i get the more my brain tells me awful things#I'm sorry to any mutual i may have unfollowed because they shared so many guilt tripping posts i genuinely can't do it anymore#and i feel terrible#and I don't wanna leave Tumblr because it's my only social platform left lmao and thevother ones are all awful its the inly one i like#I'm just not in the right mental state to constantly see “donate or you dont deserve to live even if youre poor” kinda posts#it's not even triggering its just making my “ocd” worse than it ever was#all day long my brian been telling me “you will die today because you didnt answer the asks!!”#it's genuinely horrible idk what to do and eother way i feel like a piece of shit i feel like i dont have the right to feel this way
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"I can't hear you over the sound of the eight billion glasses and plates clinking, and the very high possibility that I'm going to lose my job, and the fact that everyone at this charity dinner hates me but we have to act nice to each other, and the weird lighting in this room, and these fucking Spanx!" - Katherine Hastings, probably
#she's autistic because i said so#the lighting in the charity dinner is so weird#it's not bad lighting but the spotlights make me think of searchlights#i remember trying on these really firm leggings that my mum has#and my mum was like “remember when you were asking about shapewear because of that show? that's what Spanx feel like.”#and i'm thinking “well that's bullshit; i can see why they made an entire cold open about them; this material is awful.”#also there's a continuity error in that cold open with katherine's sleeves#and it bothers me because when ana posted the scene on her insta; there was no continuity error#but the clips were in a different order in the actual episode#which just goes to show how many times i've watched that cold open#like i love it and i hate it#also wtf were the tight sleeve things for#do people really pay that much attention to women's arms when they're wearing tight dresses?#katherine and ana don't need spanx#and the former shouldn't feel like she needs them#i will die on this very specific hill#that scene in the commercial ep where sadie says something like “women should wear what they're comfortable in”#TELL THAT TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND#on x's insta she said that they were all wearing spanx and could barely breathe#and i'm just thinking about katherine really awkwardly asking dori for help#and dori sending a text to sadie#being like “we will all support katherine. we will all be concerned about her job and be physically uncomfortable together.”#women loving women in a non-gay way#but also in a gay way#sad that i can't tag people in hashtags#because i would love for @harrietdyker to write a fic#american auto#katherine hastings#sadie ryan#dori otis
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my mum was constantly asking me what i want for my bday and in the end i was like all i really need is a new watch but i want to pick it out myself so it's fine and a day later my sis texts me like talked to mum i am buying you the orv pocket watch 😭✋�� am i supposed to use that at work???
#also i was stopping by after my weekend plans to say hi and my mum and dad were like really seriously telling me to keep the afternoon free#on my bday and i was like internally oh they are going to tell me they made reservations#but then they were like we made an appointment at our bank we want you to be the intermediate beneficiary if we die and you need to sign#something 😭😭 I don't want to think about them dying on my bday 😭😭😭#then on the other hand a friend was just telling us about how difficult handling inheritance is after her parent died#and her brother is severely disabled and cannot communicate so splitting the inheritance requires the involvement from the state#and she was like please make your parents handle everything beforehand so i couldn't even tell my parents that i didn't want to do that
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You know what's fucking stupid? The little mean voice inside my head that tells me being in a fandom is childish and "aren't you too old for that" and "aren't you feeling ridiculous caring (and projecting) so much for/onto fictional characters" bc literally no MUM, I'm in fact just doing what I love and it's cruel that I feel ridiculous to this day that I'm building up my personality through fictional characters bc I never knew who I really was and fandoms are giving me the opportunity to explore that. Yes ofc that's not "normal" or whatever but is it really that bad? Like I'm feeling better through that, it's giving me motivation to do things. So yeah... Thanks.. another reason I have to unlearn shame I suppose.
#johnny's silly rambles#when i was crying in school and maybe had some merch clothes on I'd feel so ashamed of myself#like oh you're crying and probably thinking what your fav character would do? that's pathetic#and ofc I'm not that anymore like I'm proud of my fandoms and I'm not hiding the fact that I'm in them#and i can even tell people about why i have certain merch and stuff#but back when i was a child i hid that i liked a character better than some people their fucking social security number#i taught myself not to react when their name dropped and not to blush and stuff#which is ridiculous like what's so bad about liking a character????#but past me was so ashamed of everything i enjoyed...#which is making me extremely insecure about the things that i like now as well tho#like when someone would say they don't like bsd I'd feel genuinely hurt#hm actually not bsd as a whole probably. it'd probably be more like if the person didn't like ranpoe#or when my mum said that she thought mtp was absolute garbage#(we watched the first 10min btw...)#like thanks... you could've phrased that better and now I'm insecure af and sad..#“but i can say i didn't like it” yeah well...#maybe that's my fault for being this insecure#but still i just think that was a dick move#anyways uhhhh thank you for reading this long and also sorry lol#vent
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I'm very lucky that I have a supportive dad so my really bad spiral with Moral OCD lately has been met with so much support from him. I randomly dropped on him one day that I was feeling bad mental health wise again, and he stopped everything and was like 'okay you think you're a bad person, let's talk about that. Let's fix this'. He knows not to reassure me because he knows that feeds OCD, even though he accidentally did by telling me I'm not a bad person and then apologized and told me he knows that doesn't help ;_; and he's spent the last week trying to make me feel better, talking about some techniques he found when he was researching for me, sending me inspirational quotes, asking me every morning how I'm feeling... I almost cried yesterday because of him and how supportive he is.
Like I genuinely told him I've spent the last week or so terrified that I am going to be arrested imminently and I don't know why. I've told him I've constantly convinced myself I've hit someone with my car even though logically I know I haven't. I've told him so much without any judgement, and he's just met me with kindness and support and him researching things to help me. I'm very lucky. I'm sorry for just typing this all out I just feel very lucky
#we don't tell my mum when I get like this she thinks I was 'cured' when I went to therapy#she doesn't really understand#but my dad does#and when I'm spiralling I know I can turn to him#and he'll do everything he can to help me#I'm actually tearing up whilst typing this#yeah. I'm so lucky idk what state I'd be in right now without him#ocdposting
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i think some people fail to understand the power of simply listening can do when someone has gone through something bad, awful, or tragic, rather than equating it something they'd also experienced. i don't think most people do it maliciously, it's an attempt to showcase understanding, but can do more harm than good especially if the situations aren't at all compatible in context or severity.
sit. listen. acknowledge.
#oddity.txt#this was inspired by my mum who can't handle a situation not being about her#she tries to express understanding by equating her experiences to mine#when 9 times out of 10 they're not the same at all and it makes me feel minimized (also feeling like i can never have a moment be about Me)#time and time again just equating a less severe and not contextually appropriate experience to mine#i've tried to tell her about it and how it makes me feel unseen and she gets mad so i just don't tell her stuff as much if at all#then she gets surprised that i “hide stuff” from her#yeah because you've never been a safe place to disclose my feelings and experiences to. hope that helps!#MAN do i wish there wasn't a housing crisis rn i want out of here so bad
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