#don't mind me i'm just actually tagging things so i can find this one later

[always-just-red]

@irandial and @micasosa34 requested a Rafayel version of this fic, so here it is!! This is a loose sequel, but mostly a spin-off? Also an emotional rollercoaster, sorry! (I fear I put too much of myself in this one, guys... there will be no beating the 'oh you are ACTUALLY in love with this man' allegations after this.....)

Fourth Wall (Rafayel Ver.)

Rafayel x Player!Reader 🔥

(Previous part/Sylus version here!)

Summary: You didn't think Rafayel would let you walk around an art gallery all by yourself, did you?

Genre: Angst! This is my revenge for the claw machine debacle (Checkmate, Rafayel!!! But also I'm sorry and I love you)

Warnings/Additional tags: player!reader, gender neutral, fourth-wall breaking, non-canon, one instance of swearing

| Word count: 2.4k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!

You made it through about two rooms of the gallery before thinking about Rafayel.

You stand in front of a dark seascape: a night sky and a symmetrically black ocean framing the plight of a small fishing boat, adrift in the centre. The moon casts a pale, faraway light, and an orange lantern glows, drawing colour from the oppressive darkness— deep blues, and rich, shimmering turquoise, crested with white.

It should evoke some feeling of smallness, some respect for the vast indifference of the natural world, but no— your mind is set on the fictional artist who lives in your phone.

What would he think about it? What would he have to say?

At the moment, you suspect it would be some remark about how you should get your own opinion, rather than piggybacking his.

Still, it gives you an idea. You glance around self-consciously as you draw out your phone and earphones— tucking the latter into your ears as you offer a curt smile to the nearby gallery attendant. You’re not breaking any rules by loading up Love and Deepspace, but it feels slightly ridiculous in a place like this: full of real and honest things where you’re somehow lonely.

You log-in with a tap. “Let’s go to the beach,” Rafayel greets, his voice as warm as sunshine that melts a cold morning haze. “I never get tired of seeing the sunset there.”

You smile more sincerely, tousling his hair, but then it’s straight to business. You drag him into the AR Photobooth, directing him through a few poses until you find one you like: a duo pose. His fingers are meant to be around your chin, but without you, he seems to be pointing. Perfect, you shift— tilting your phone until the painting sits behind him.

He’s winking at you as he gestures to it, his face and body as still as marble.

You’re about to take the picture when a not-so-distant conversation strikes up, making you glance backwards. Another visitor is asking the attendant about a painting, and you lower your phone’s volume a notch so you can eavesdrop on them.

“This is one of Turner’s earliest paintings, y’know? He was young when he painted it. Like, super young.”

You freeze. The attendant and the visitor aren’t standing by a Turner painting; you are. Your gaze snaps back to your phone, drawn by the familiarity of the voice.

Rafayel’s turned away from you. He’s staring at the painting, one hand on his hip and the other up by his face, stroking his chin. He’s swaying on his feet gently, his head tilting as he takes in different parts of the seascape.

“You gonna take the picture, cutie?” he asks, glancing back at you with a knowing grin.

Your lips have parted slightly in surprise, but your finger manages to find the photo button. Rafayel returns to his candid observations just in time for your screen to flicker, mimicking a camera flash. 

“Okay, one more.” He turns around and settles into a new pose. You take another photo. “Nice,” he beams, “you’ll send those to me later, yeah?”

But you can’t—

“Relax, okay? I’m kidding. Now come on,” he pokes at the edge of your screen like a mime trapped by an invisible box. “Move this thing! I wanna see what else they’ve got here.”

You do move, but not to show him around. He gets a blurry view of the floor as you hurry over to a nearby bench, sinking down with a sigh because you can’t believe this is happening— again. With a few taps of your finger, you draw the curtains on Rafayel’s view to your world and return him to his.

“No, no, no! What?” he groans in disbelief, suddenly back in the Destiny Café. He throws himself into the armchair with reckless abandon— limbs sprawled— one hand over his face as though it would pain him to look on anything at all. “You find out I’m self-aware and the first thing you do is drag me back here? Where’s your heart? Your empathy? Your soul?”

You poke at his hand and he swats at the air like you’re bothering him.

“Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m busy, like, contemplating the futility of my existence?”

So dramatic! You consider closing the app out of spite, but this is Rafayel. You know Rafayel; look past the theatrics. It’s been, what— just over a month since Sylus first told you he’d seen through all of this? He said the others were lagging behind, but maybe…

Maybe they weren’t.

Shit. Maybe they weren’t.

You watch Rafayel, sunken down in one of two places you’ve seen him inhabit every day, every night, for almost a year. This café isn’t different from the old in any way that matters. Sylus is new but Rafayel has been here from the very beginning. So many more days. So many more nights.

How long has he known?

He lifts his hand, just enough to peer in your direction. You’ve not closed the app. You’re not poking at him anymore. He sits up straighter in the chair, both hands in his lap, and he looks at them pensively. Maybe even remorsefully.

“You’re thinking about what it all means, huh? Don’t.” It’s a command, but it’s soft. Then softer, a: “Please?”

Your breath catches— oh— he’s known for a long time, hasn’t he? You lean back against the gallery wall, grounding yourself as you text him an emoji: a chick bursting out of its shell with question marks over its head.

He pulls out his phone. Sees it. “Why?” he translates with a melancholic chuckle.

Yeah. You tickle his head. Why?

He runs a hand through his hair. “I guess… I didn’t want you to feel bad?”

You text another emoji and he glances down at it, then laughs more loudly: “I’m a dummy? Check a mirror, cutie— isn’t it you who’s been walking around thinking Mister Wannabe Vampire is the only one smart enough to figure this all out? Puh-lease.”

He laughs even more at his own joke— maybe to fill the quiet and the fact that he can’t hear you laughing with him. It peters out like it inevitably must, and like it always does. He goes still.

“Can’t you show me around, even a little?” he asks.

No.

You feel bad, you do, but you can’t start living for him. This is your world; if you invite him in now, when does it stop? You already spend too much time with your head down, lost in your phone. You were walking through a gallery and thinking about him, remember? Art is supposed to make you think about something real.

No, you text him: a crow holding a sign with a big, red cross. It’s too abrupt, but there’s not an emoji for “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

Rafayel’s face falls further as he checks his phone, his eyes like the ocean in the painting across the room: lit by a weak, failing little light. He looks to you, even though he can’t see you. “Please?”

You don’t move.

“Please,” he tries again, “just this once— this once. Is that so much to ask?”

You’ve used up your three means of answering him.

He scoffs in dismay, alone in the silence of everything you can’t say— you couldn’t say— even if you were really with him and the distance between you was merely invented. How could you go to him, hold his face in your hands and tell him the truth: that you care, but not enough?

Here, now: the quiet confesses it for you.

Rafayel stands from his seat, taking a step closer, his gaze dark. You can see his eyes more clearly; that lantern is at the bottom of the sea, with the rest of the ship and everyone on board. “Do you know what my life is?” he asks, and the silence has become his ally, punctuating his every word so it can cut more deeply. “My life’s an empty café, a book with blank pages and a phone that won’t ring.”

The curtains behind him move softly with a superficial breeze, lit by a superficial sun.

“The only thing that’s real,” he says, “is you.”

You feel like the breath’s been knocked from your lungs.

You can’t resent him for it. He could have drowned you from the start, could have dragged you under a weight of responsibility, but he didn’t, and that’s Rafayel: always tempering himself into something less lethal. He’s been so still for you. So silent for you.

Your mind is wrapped in a vow you made him— one you’ve been unconsciously breaking— and you’re going to break it again, knowingly, wilfully this time, because you want him like this: angry.

You promised, didn’t you? I will never make Rafayel wait for me.

He’s always been waiting, and you want him to stop.

You close the app, muting your phone when notifications start coming through: a squall of frustration, pleading, and frantic apologies. You tuck all of it into your pocket and stand, wandering back to the painting that started it all so you can look at it differently.

Something real to think about. Something real.

You stare at a black ocean and think about him.

…

Rafayel isn’t talking to you.

It’s been a week since your ‘breakup’— dubbed gleefully as such by Sylus— and you load up the game to find your artist slumped back in his armchair, his book over his face. A week of him sitting down, cross-legged and armed, during the Deepspace Trials you’d set out to clear with him. A week of him hogging the Claw Machine, and missing every rare plushie with a sarcastic ‘oops’.

The worst part is that you’ve missed him. You’d tried replaying the kindled moments from his five-star memories, but he’d made you regret it. In Sparkling Traces, he’d summed up his feelings in a very… colourful drawing. Omnipotent Perception: he’d slipped deeper into the bathwater, a blush on his face as he avoided your gaze and murmured something about you ‘having some nerve.’

Now, you can’t even call him over to you. You poke at the book on his face, once, twice, then repeatedly until it slips, but his hands shoot up to catch it. He holds it in place.

Ugh. If he would just—

You drum away at the book more vivaciously, but his grip is solid. Plan B, then: you open your in-game messages and send an emoji instead. Rafayel stirs, one hand moving to his pocket and the other lifting the book so he can peek down at his phone. “What— you tryna bribe me now?”

He’s looking at grumpy crow holding out a present: a bundle of shiny, red gems. His translation is spot-on, as per usual, and you reward it by poking at his chest. He frowns down at the contact, then sits up, rolling his eyes as he tosses the book over his shoulder.

“This better be good,” he yawns, standing up and stretching with a listlessness that could only be described as cat-like, however much he’d whine about the comparison.

Having won his attention— and begrudging consent— you navigate your way to the AR Photobooth. Rafayel stares at you from within the frame: an unwitting subject of a portrait he doesn’t yet understand, but he soon will. You smile as he turns cautiously to regard his backdrop.

Behind him, the ocean laps at a shore of pale sand and stretches into the horizon, where the sun lazily dips. There’s about half of it left, turning the sky a blurred palette of orange and pink that’s spilled over the water. Clouds are few and dark purple, their linings aglow.

Rafayel’s folded arms have dropped to his sides. After a few, long seconds, he gazes back in your direction, eyes wide with surprise before they soften with a radiant smile.

“You—” he starts, and it could be something as light as a joke or as deep as a soliloquy. You’ll never know, because he doesn’t put it to words. He glances at the ocean again. Then at you. “Thanks,” he settles for.

You chuckle. There aren’t many ways you can answer without tearing him away from the sunset and trapping him back in the café, so you stay sitting still. It’s a different silence than a week ago. There are things unsaid, but that’s okay— they’re the sort you don’t need to speak aloud, anyway.

Your shoes are set aside by your feet so you can feel the sand, still warm beneath your toes. You wiggle them into it, gazing out over the ocean as the evening breeze catches and plays with your hair, and the last of the sun trails over your skin. You stare out at where it’s sinking.

Rafayel moves, and your focus meanders back to your phone. He’s walking away from you, gradually— retreating further into the composition you’ve created, just for him. He looks as though he’s nearing the shore, but it’s cosmetic: there are no footprints in the sand. His hair isn’t moved by the same breeze, and his face isn’t gilded by the same light.

He stops by the ocean’s edge and crouches gently, mesmerised by the push and pull of the tide. Slowly, humbly, he reaches out a hand and lowers his fingers towards the water; they never slip beneath the surface, and they don’t stir a ripple.  

Rafayel laughs, masking an undertow of sadness, but not disappointment. “It’s funny,” he says, still sketching invisible, ineffectual shapes. “Loving the ocean as much as I do, and knowing… knowing I’ll never touch it.”

He’s all the way over there, but his voice is in your ears, so intimately close. You swallow an ache.

He looks up at you. Smiles: “Y’know what I mean?”

You’re using memories to complete the picture: His hair, mussed by the summer breeze that day you stood amongst the cherry blossoms. His face, painted by the sunset of a different life, where you’d roamed a desert together. In each and every moment, his eyes are the same, just as they are now: kindled by a tender, tentative fire.

“Yeah, Raf,” you say to yourself— just yourself. “I know what you mean.”

[you-little-arsonist]

ok so if anyone wants them, here are some buddie fics that have mutual masturbation and/or phone sex in them (don't look at me), idk these are probably pretty well known but i'm still making my way through all of them. they are all complete and they're all rated E because well. also CHECK THE TAGS because i didn't write them all out here!

Your place is where I'd rather be instead by mickeysmyheart/ @mickeysmyheart (3.5k)

The next thing Eddie does, short circuits Buck's brain. Eddie takes his shirt by the bottom and pulls it up and over his head, keeping it bunched up and putting it to the side on the counter. Eddie is now shirtless. He’s shirtless in his kitchen. Oh. OR Buck teaches Eddie how to make lasagna over FaceTime when Eddie gets his shirt dirty and has to take it off and it alters Buck's brain chemistry.

Last night, you called on accident by mickeysmyheart/ @mickeysmyheart (8.3k)

Buck goes back to his bag and pulls out Eddie’s black tank top. He brings it up to his nose and inhales— he can tell himself it means nothing later. He moans on his exhale. Holy fuck. OR The one where Buck finds one of Eddie's tank tops in their locker and takes it home & in El Paso, Eddie brought one of Buck's LAFD shirts with him. You know the GIF.

Kiss me through the phone by mickeysmyheart/ @mickeysmyheart (2.6k)

Buck finds himself sitting up in bed— his back against his pillows— phone close to his ear. His heart is beating like crazy— both of theirs are. “That something you want, Eddie?” Buck says in a low, deep voice. “Want me to tell you how often I’ve thought about getting down on my knees for you?” Eddie’s breath hitches. That’s all it took for Eddie’s dick to get hard as fuck— twitching with the need to be touched. “Jesus, Buck,” Eddie moans out as he reaches his free hand into his briefs, touching himself. OR Buck is bored and Eddie can't sleep so the two end up having phone/video sex

to have and to hold (platonically and heterosexually) by teenytinytomlinson/ @littlefreakbuckley (21.2k)

So in the middle of Eddie’s dining room, with his brain to mouth filter non-existent (as per usual), Buck blurts out, “Marry me.” Eddie sits straight up, looking at him with eyes wide as saucers. “Excuse me?” “W-well, just think about it. If we get married I can add you and Chris to my insurance policy and that solves your problem.” Eddie’s mouth forms a perfect little ‘o’. Buck waits patiently for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. When the ground doesn’t do as he’d hoped he realizes he has to say something else. “Obviously, w-we don’t have to,” he’s quick to assure. “But if we did it would be platonic, of course, because you’re straight and–” he pauses, praying for another rogue stroke of lightning. Anything to put him out of his misery right now. “-and like I know that I’m bi now, but this wouldn’t be like that y’know? It would just be two friends helping each other out.” He’s rambling, the words won’t stop tumbling out. “Like a friends with benefits type situation! E-except you know not those kinds of benefits! Like actual benefits! Health and dental.” or, Eddie is moving to Texas, losing his insurance, and marrying Buck all very heterosexually and platonically.

A Phone Call Away by Ironkissedfanfics/ @ironkissedmage (5.7k)

Buck had his apartment to himself for the first time in months, so of course he had to take advantage of such a lovely opportunity to get off without fear of anyone hearing him. It's just his luck that he butt dials someone while he's fingers deep in himself. And he's just not sure if it's a blessing or a curse that it's Eddie he called.

while i think of you by markofalover/ @markofalover (4.2k)

Just Buck speaking, apparently, is enough to get him hard. His brain starts hurting. Like he’s guzzled down a Big Gulp sized Icee in the summertime. …or, Eddie slowly loses his mind and has phone sex about it.

anyway those are some of the best ones, please tag me if you guys know of more like this! and thank you to all these authors, you are truly doing the lord's work

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 13!

lthe year is officially one-fourth over and i gotta be honest, i do not vibe with that at all. the passage of time can suck my ass. enjoy these fics!!

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) | catchingpapermoons/@adamsparirsh | 53.7k | M

Eddie gets Buck to come to couples therapy with him. truly such a stunning fic. i love how this is just filled with emotion at every corner, not just in the dialogue but descriptive passages as well. brilliant, brilliant stuff!!

anther | theghosts | 6.6k | E

Eddie gets hit with pollen from a magical plant and develops some rather interesting symptoms. Buck does what any good best friend would do and helps Eddie through it. it is my humble opinion that the 911 fandom needs more sex pollen fic. if you're reading this and you don't immediately agree with me, i'm gonna need you to click the link above, read it, and then come back and tell me that i was absolutely right, because we do, in fact, need 700 more fics just like it. this one is so, so well-written, i love the bits of worldbuilding and the buddie and the smut. it's so good <3

champagne kisses | spaceprincessem/@spaceprincessem | 1.9k | GA

eddie comes home and buck stays. gorgeous writing AND a love confession?? oh, this fic absolutely delivers. love it!!

cinnamon kisses | tawaifeddiediaz/@aashiqeddiediaz | 3.5k | T

Buck wakes up from a nap, cuddles Eddie, proposes, and devours cinnamon rolls, in that very order. i have an all-day study session planned for tomorrow and i'm gonna pick up a cinnamon roll as a treat just because of this fic. i have been craving one so badly since reading this!! this was a reread of one of my favourite fics ever <3

close enough for comfort | allyasavedtheday/@littlespoonevan | 14.1k | T

A look at how Buck and Eddie's physical relationship develops from season 2 to season 5 AKA the one with all the hugging. i love how this dips into canon at all these places and how intimate the whole fic feels <3 so good!!

finders keepers | drh0rrible/@betanoiz | 7.1k | E

After Eddie leaves for Texas, Buck finds Eddie’s sex toy in his new bedroom. He reacts normally. i'm a huge fan of all the unhinged buddie long distance sex fics lately, and this is a shining example of just how good those can be. absolutely mind-blowing!!

i'm scared of being lonely (i'll let anybody hold me) | justhockey | 9.4k | T

“I’m not in love with my best friend,” Buck says, but the words feel strange in his mouth. this has such a lovely reunion bit and i always love how this author writes ravi <3

it hit me in the kitchen | heartcompass/@bugsongs | 13.1k | GA

Eddie leaves for Texas and everybody copes with food in one way or another. buddie and food is one of my favourite fic combinations <3 this is lovely and heartwarming and all the food sounds so, so good!!

oh what a terrible honor it's been (to learn that my blessings are things you call sins) | wafflesofdoom/@capseycartwright | 18.3k | GA

Christopher leaves for Texas, Eddie goes back to therapy, unearths an emotional lockbox he had been fourteen years old when he buried, and has a lot of thoughts about how Buck is sunshine incarnate. In hindsight, it probably should have been obvious he wasn't straight. this has been on my marked for later list for a while and i'm so glad to have had the opportunity to actually read it! i love how this captures eddie and touches on religion and queerness and just everything, really. also, can we talk about that title? i LOVE that title

pain is cold water (your brain just gets used to it) | lilacbarnes | 22k | M

Eddie leaves, and calls, and calls, and calls. Buck falls apart, and lets it go to voicemail. such a wonderful fic!! i love how the voicemails capture eddie's voice, and following buck's arc through this was just lovely <3

tell me how it feels (say it ain't so) | Iover_of_mine/@lover-of-mine | 8.3k | T

Eddie hears Natalia saying Buck's death was cool and things spiral out of control from there.  this has some of the absolute best buddie dialogue i've read in ages. it feels so, so true to character, it's so good!!

this whole thing between us | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 3.9k | E

Eddie and Buck swap bodies and get together. bodyswap fic!! i love a bodyswap fic!! this is suck a fun take on the trope and i love how both of them reacted to the swap <3

write your name on every blank page | lamardeuse/@lamardeuse | 11k | M

This is an impulse he doesn't have to worry about, because a) it's only going to cost him two dollars, and b) it's frivolous. Eddie doesn't usually do frivolous, but Father Brian told him to allow himself joy and he desperately needs some right now. listen i am not joking when i say that i've been waiting for a postcards fic ever since eddie said he was moving to el paso. this is absolutely everything i could have wished for and so much more <3 i loved looking at the cards they sent!!

[pemiski]

tags Spider-Man! Chigiri x fem! reader, college au, completely self-indulgent

author's note yes this is a repost TT Also yes I'm aware the spider-man trope had been done and redone but for the record I don't care. Happy reading as always

Spider-Man! Chigiri’s never really been one for romance.

It’s not that he hates it or anything; it just doesn’t work. The last time he tried flirting, he accidentally set a girl’s hair on fire. Real flames, with a whole lot of real screaming, resulting in very real trauma. His first instinct was to panic (step one), flinging water into her face like he was trying to baptize her out of the seventh circle of hell (step two), and then panicking again (step three). It didn’t help. It never helps.

The next time, he almost revealed his entire identity as the amazing Spider-Man. Some woman tripped on the sidewalk, and his first instinct was to shoot a web. Mid-air, he realized. No mask, civilian clothes. And so, before he could even think, he yanked it right back. Unfortunately, he did it right as she faceplanted into the pavement, which meant he was now standing there with an outstretched hand, looking less like a superhero, and more like someone who just casually shoved a stranger into concrete.

But that was fine. Romance had never been at the top of his to-do list anyway— not when “stop armed robbery” and “finish the essay due at midnight” are constantly fighting for top priority. Maybe that’s why, at almost 12PM on a Friday, he’s curled up in the library with headphones in and papers spread out like battlefield debris, while everyone else his age is out drinking or dancing or god knows what. Whatever it is, Spider-Man! Chigiri doesn’t want to dwell on it.

And, all things considered, he really doesn’t mind. He likes his version of fun much better. What with occasional roundhouse kicks, busted ribs (not always his), near-death experiences, and the occasional existential crisis at the top of a skyscraper, it’s not as if he was ever bored.

“You don’t seem like you’re getting much done.”

He hears your voice before he sees you: soft, mostly curious, a little teasing— and when he finally looks up, it’s over the rim of his hoodie, eyes widening just slightly at the sight of you leaning over his desk. Shit. Another pretty girl. Just what his social battery needed on a Friday night.

“Yeah, no— I mean. No. I am. Getting stuff done.”

His voice trips over itself like it’s trying to outrun embarrassment, and his hand flies to the back of his neck, rubbing at the skin there like maybe, if he presses hard enough, he can disappear. Or reboot. Anything to erase those last 5 minutes.

He glances back at the mess in front of him, trying to pretend he didn’t just flinch at your smile. There’s one page that looks sort of impressive— highlighter everywhere, neat annotations in the margins, the kind of thing that screams I tried really really hard, please give me a sticker. The rest was, for a lack of a better word, tragic. Abandoned midway through a sentence. One of the pages still has a coffee stain in the shape of his elbow.

Honestly, he should be proud of the annotated one. He was, for a while. But then the clock kept ticking, and he realized he’d been here for hours, and the rest of his work still looked painstakingly empty.

So, no. Not a feat. Not even close.

And yet here you are, looking at him like he might actually be worth talking to anyway.

“It’s about to close. The library, I mean.”

Your voice is easy as you nod towards the mostly empty library, save for you, him, and some guy who’s definitely going to find himself locked up in here if he doesn’t wake up soon. It’s casual, as if it’s not slowly derailing every single one of his thoughts. He blinks up at you, still halfway stuck in the mental purgatory between should I respond? and is this a trap?

“So, if you want to,” you continue, “I know a spot that doesn’t close until much later. Y’know, so you can… get your stuff done?”

You giggle as you recall his little white lie from earlier, and Spider-Man! Chigiri can’t help but feel like it’s unfair. Like the universe handed him the definition of pretty and then asked him to form coherent sentences.

Oh, good lord. Please. Please, for once in his miserable little romance-free life, don’t let him screw this up.

“Are you gonna be there?”

It comes out a little too fast and a little too eager for it to be considered like genuine flirting.

And then, the regret. It’s immerdiate. His neck heats up like he just ran a mile and his ears are definitely red; almost the same shade as his hair. And here you are, still across from him, and you just smile. Sweet and unbothered, like this is the most natural conversation in the world.

“I don’t know,” you tease, head tilting slightly. “Do you want me to be?”

Oh. Oh.

He stares. You’re flirting with him. And it’s not sarcastic or cruel or accidental. You’re actually doing it, on purpose. That realization alone is enough to set his brain into full lockdown.

Now or never, his inner voice whispers. This is his chance.

“I, um. I— yes. You, um. Are—”

He gives up halfway through. The words tangle like shoelaces, and he swears he can feel the embarrassment rippling through him.

”I’ll take it as a yes?”

“Yes,” Spider-Man! Chigiri finally says, albeit a little breathless.

God. Fighting crime is so much easier than talking to girls.

I am fighting this shadowban with my heart and soul. If reposting a thousand times is what I have to do I WILL DO IT

@pemiski 2025 - all rights reserved. I do not authorize any reposting translating or modifying of my content on any platform

[mythicmanuscripts]

omg omg hi, I don't know what to request, I simply am happy that you are back.

Hmm.... Something with subby Aemond... Could you elaborate on the collar (you said that it needed to be something that he would never have to take of, so somethin simpel like a necklace). What if he lost it during battle? What if his wife also started to wear jewelery as a symbol of their partnership? Like maybe exclusively saphire pendants or something like that.

thx xoxo

Thank you for the kind words!! I'm very glad to be back.

Honestly I can't really remember the ask you're referring to (if someone finds it could you tag me or something? I'd love to reread it at some point), but I'll never turn down an opportunity to chat about collars or any sort of jewellery representing dynamics so I'm very happy to discuss thoughts about Aemond and collars/jewellery :))

This answer isn't explicit but since it's very very clearly sub!aemond I'll add a cut to be safe. Enjoy lads!!

So firstly I think Aemond would absolutely love to have something that felt like ownership? He wants to be yours, and he wants a physical reminder of it.

I think maybe you first saw a glimpse of this desire the morning after your first rougher night with him? He got up before you and you awoke to the site of him standing before a mirror and tracing the outline of the scratches on his hips and the bruises on his collar bones. At first you think he doesn't like it and offer to call the maesters to see what will heal it quicker, but he shuts that down immediately.

He gets all squirmy and blushy, not quite being willing to meet your eyes and eventually you manage to get out of him that he really likes the marks. For a few weeks it goes on like that, with you ensuring to leave marks on him because he seems to love it.

Eventually you start to realise he loves the physical reminder, not only of what happened when he got those marks but also as a reminder that you love him, that he's yours. You really only put that together when you realise how protective he seems of any evidence of you? He tells off the servants who move your brush back to your private quarters, he keeps your favourite book on his nightstand even though he never reads it.

The first thing you offer him to try and meet this need is maybe just a piece of a clothing item? It happens while the two of you are walking together, far away from Kings Landing. Aemond often asks you to come out on Vhagar with him, simply to fly somewhere quiet where no one can hear you.

You're walking along a rocky terrain and you put your foot wrong and nearly fall. You catch yourself, but your shirt or dress gets caught on the branch of a small bush. You don't mind the tear of course, it's of no real consequence, you have plenty of other clothes back at the red keep anyway. But Aemond seems distraught about this? He asked you to come with him and now you're ruined your clothes because of him.

You end up taking your knife/dagger and cutting the torn piece of fabric off so it's not just hanging. That action seems to upset Aemond even more, since now the tear can't ever be sown back together. That is, until you take his hand and tie the fabric around his wrist, telling him that there, now the fabric isn't going to waste.

You do it mostly as a silly thing, not something you expected him to seriously cherish. But the following day he still hasn't taken it off, and he doesn't take it off the next day nor the day after that.

When you ask him about it, he actually panics a little, mumbling about how you gave it to him and please don't take it back. Repeating that you said it was his, he wants to keep it.

Which... sometimes Aemond truly is one of the most sensitive, sweet souls in all of the seven kingdoms. You promise him you will never take it from him, and tell him you're glad he likes it.

A few weeks later you present him with a bracelet inspired by the piece of fabric. Except the bracelet is made of dyed leather, iron and jewels, not fabric. It's in the same colours as the fabric, but this is made to last must longer. Aemond cries for a solid twenty minutes when you give it to him. It takes him nearly a week to stop tearing up every time he looks at his wrist. And yes he knows you're already married and you already wear rings and whatnot, but that was an arranged marriage. He didnt love you back then, he didnt want to be yours back then. To him the wedding rings show the world he is married, but the bracelet is just for him, just to show him that he belongs to you.

Needless to say, he'd be absolutely distraught if he lost it.

It would definitely have to be lost in battle, because that's the only time he wouldn't automatically notice if the bracelet isn't around his wrist. When he does notice, his stomach drops. He feels so... exposed? He gets back to kings landing as quickly as possible. When he walks to your chambers he has his other hand around his wrist, like he's trying to hide not having the bracelet on.

Of course you're not at all upset with him. He returned from battle unharmed, that is all you care about. But despite that, he can't settle without it and you can't let him go back to flying the largest dragon in the world when he can't even think straight. You end up cutting another piece of fabric out of one of your clothes for him, this time cutting it long enough that you can wrap it around his wrist three times before tying the ends together.

You can see the way he relaxes once it's done. He leans against you, mumbling his thanks against your neck.

When he leaves again, you arrange for a new bracelet to be made, but this time you decide to get more than just that. You also get two necklaces, one short and one long and then another bracelet made as well.

You present the replacement bracket together with the longer necklace to Aemond when he returns. He had been hoping and praying you'd give him another bracelet (part of him feared you'd be so disappointed that he lost the first one that you wouldnt get him another and that would just break him).

He's entirely shocked when you give him the necklace, and even more shocked when you show him that you had another one made for yourself. When he looks closer at the necklace then he gets confused at first, because it doesn't match the bracelet and necklace you got him? It's made of the same metal, but yours have sapphires.

When he asks about, you simply run cup his face, stroking his cheek under his eyepatch. You watch as his other eye tears up at the realisation of why you chose what you did. He adores it, and he's so so gentle when he puts the necklace and bracelet on you, his hands shaking so much that he has to stop and try again.

You always wear the necklace, and Aemond adores seeing it on you, especially in public? In private he'll often run his fingers over the sapphire, even lean down and kiss it. But in public, just glancing at you and seeing it is more than enough to make him smile.

[the-ellia-west]

Hello and Welcome!

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

About me:

I am a Christian, and a Devoted one!

I am a Minor (High School) So DON'T BE WEIRD

I am a Woman

I am Straight and a Hopeless Romantic, but I'm not looking for a Relationship currently

I am an Author/Writer

Amateur artist, (Started drawing August 2024)

I am a Plotter, and I just recently figured that out!

I love to ramble and listen to rambles!

My MBTI is INFP-T

I live in the USA Midwest but I spell grey with an e

✦ I promise I don't bite! Please interact with me! ✦ Feel free to ask me anything about Writing or my WIPs, I love to help!

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Favorites: Book: John Carter, A Princess of Mars (By Edgar Rice Burroughs) Movie: Narnia, Voyage of the Dawn Treader Artist: Tobymac Song: Sleep in the Storm (Unspoken) Colors: Blood Red, Gold, Lilac Purple, Forest Green Hobbies: Writing, Doodling, Rambling Food: Eggs, Grapes, Noodles, Specifically Spaghetti, and Pork lo-mein Drink: Taro Milk tea & Cherry Italian Soda Characters: Haymitch, Zuko, Knuckles, Eustace, Darth Maul, Gummigoo, Hunter, Doey, Yarnaby Tropes: Magnificent Bastards, True Kings, Romantic Subplots, Grumpy Mentors, Darkest Hours, Redemption arcs, & Happy Endings Current Interests: Sonic, The Owl House, TADC, ATLA, Fool's Gold, PPT ch4

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

I Post about:

Any of my Interests

Talking with and Supporting Friends

My Life and Feelings

My WIPS! (Usually Characters but sometimes Plot & Actual Writing) -[See Below]

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

My Wips!

Just Click on the Titles for more info! (Masterposts Coming soon) QNA OPEN - PLEASE ASK ABOUT MY OCS

Jest of Royalty -JoR- Genre - High Fantasy Action Drama Type - Webcomic Theme - Anyone can be redeemed if They have the Remorse and are willing to put in the work Description - A Young Farm boy named Ronan Breaks the Magical Staff of a god, and embarks on a Vengeful quest to get them back, Finding a new family along the way and learning the true meaning of mercy and love

Fallen Genre - Romance Fantasy Type - Written Theme - Nothing said, done, or changed, Can Make a Person unworthy of love Description - In a World where name means everything, a Noblewoman named Adémiah runs away from home and meets a Criminal called Dyn who saves her life several times, and through a dangerous journey they learn to love one another, with the help of a Traveller called Bard

Chomik Genre - High-Fantasy Comedy Type - Comic Theme - None Description - Young Hero, Kaezal, is yoinked into a quest for knowledge by a researcher, Akea, and they come across a variety of different Foes and Reoccurring Villains

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

Tags:

#Ellia scribbles - My Drawings, doodles, & art practice

#Ellia's rambling - My incoherent Ramblings about the stuff I love

#Ghost-stories - My Actual Writing

#Tea and trinkets - Yapping with my Friends

#Quill-and-ink - My Poetry

#Haunting box - Any asks

#Ellia's dollhouse - My Real Life

#Ellia's dolls - My Hyperfixations/interests

#Fallen wip - Anything important Fallen-related

#Chomik work - Anything Chomik-related

#Ellia's jor - Anything JoR-related

#JoR memes - Memes and random funny stuff

#JoR family - Character info, Team Dynamics, conversations, ect.

#JoR psychology - We dive into the minds of the Characters

#JoR characters - Stuff about individual characters

#JoR vital - Things I may need for later/important stuff

#JoR building - Worldbuilding

#JoR story - The Plot

#JoR snippets - Scenes, Writing, ect.

#JoR thoughts - My ramblings about the WIP

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

•❅──────✧❅✦❅✧──────❅•

My Moots:

@thewritingautisticat @yolbert @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @lunaeuphternal @an-indecisive-nerd

@homelessnerd @thebookishkiwi @write-with-will @pastellbg @i-do-anything-but-write

@darkandstormydolls @supercimi @blargh-500 @sunflowerrosy @corinneglass

@carb0n-m0n0xid3 @tiredpapergirl @vesanal @fourwingedsnake @ellowynthenotking

@busybussinbee @the-letterbox-archives @harleyacoincidence @cosmolumine @urnumber1star

@thecrazyalchemist @i-hate-happy-endings @stars-forever @fantastictrashpolice @blue-kyber

@artsandstoriesandstuff @rivenantiqnerd @cybercelestian @aalinaaaaaa @agirlandherquill

@smudged-red-ink @clever-naming-convention @carb0n-m0n0xide @theweirdbox123 @seastarblue

Farewell, and have a good day Loves!

[igglemouse]

The Name Game...

Now, before the regularly scheduled legacy posts hit the dashboard today I feel I must address something, normally I would ignore it. I've been here a decade, when have I been in any drama? Normally I would have just messaged this person, because again, I really don't care to do drama or anything like that, but I discovered it because of a reply I had read on one of my posts by a shared mutual. I thought it was funny and since they tagged the person, I wanted to go to their blog and see it for myself but I could not.

Odd, I can hover over the @ but couldn't go to the blog, it says it doesn't exist. I'm blocked I figure. Maybe it should have ended there and it would have been a shame if it had because I would not have seen the post claiming that I did things I did not do. I'll put the rest under a read more as I do love to type.

But this post just comes as a defense since in that post we have a lot of shared mutuals (its a small world!) and I do not want them to think that I stole a name or character from you and then that I deleted your post. Explanation below.

I did not steal the name.

Anyways, the nature of the drama is about a character's name. I have a character named Aurel Vasilescu and they have a character named Aurelia Vasilescu, which are obviously very similar names. It's completely fair that someone would see those two names and think someone copied someone else and since Aurel's actual name was introduced like a week or so ago it would naturally look like I did the theft.

It's some coincidence to be sure and one I would have happily laughed with her over and happily reblogged her story and posted the spider-man pointing meme and had fun with it but I wasn't even really given a chance to respond directly to her but more on that later.

I'm not sure how we both settled on those names, as I joked in the reply, great minds think alike? But for me I was looking for a Romanian surname since well, he's based in Ravenwood which is based on Transylvania and so I gave him a romanian surname. That we both have similar first names is pretty uncanny but given that there's a such thing as actual dopplegangers its really not out of the realm of possibility that someone creates a same or similar character name, but since I know leaving it at that would be my word against yours so I'll try my best to prove that it really was a coincidence.

Firstly. Absolutely no disrespect meant here but I don't know who you are. In your post you mentioned that we don't interact openly its because I didn't know about your simblr until it was mentioned in the reply in my post which was literally last night. That was the first time I heard of it. In fact if I had ran across your simblr I probably would have followed you and read your stories because they look good. I have over 300k likes, if I saw your posts I would have liked them. I like posts of people that are not my mutuals ever day. I'm not shy about liking posts. I've not liked a single one of your posts, not because they are bad, they clearly are not in any way, but because I have not seen them.

Since that reply in my post mentioned your character being in a newer story of yours I decided to check how new and the earliest I could find a post mentioning that character was December 31st 2024. A Happy New Years post that seems to be (happy to be corrected) the first time this character appears.

(And yes, agreed, that simblr who made that reply connecting us is one of the nicest people on this platform! I can agree with that!)

Well, I started to plan Elsie's story early. This includes making key characters that are not townies created by the game (since I play a legacy I makeover a lot of sims for whatever evil purposes I have) but Aurel was always going to be one since Elsie moves into a house with a coffin and him sleeping in it. I have proof of how early I had planned this...

Here is the scrivener file, a file I used to keep track of all character notes etc for my legacies, you can see the date on it...

Here is a snippet of him being in the file, can't show the character file as it would be spoilers but...

And lastly, since this doesn't prove that I didn't just create this now, here is the literal sim in S4TI since he happened to be one of the few sims I hand made for this legacy, this should prove when I made him in game, including his name.

And lastly, the link to Elsie's announcement post...

That is dated Jan 1st.

So, this proves I had made Elsie's story on the 30th and it proves that I had at least made my Vasilescu sim on the 3rd and it looks like, based on my search of their simblr, theirs debuted on Dec 31st? Is it really likely that I saw one post of your brand new story/character then nabbed the name right away only to reveal it months later? Why just steal a name any ways, if I wanted to steal, wouldn't I steal much more from that story and just change the name? Usually characters that are stolen the name is the main change while everything else remains the same, but reading those first few posts I can 100% confirm that my Aurel is a A LOT different from Aurelia. If I were this malicious stealer why not name him Aron or something if I were so eager to steal the name?

Also, I'm super collab friendly, if I knew your story it is much more likely I would have just asked for a collab then steal from you.

The truth is we both settled on what we thought were great names for these characters and they happened to be super similar. Yes, it is highly unlikely but it happened. I've done my best to prove though that I wasn't copying your OC by showing I had already created this character in my mind around the very same time you introduced yours and for me to steal I'd also have to know yours existed and I simply did not.

I did not delete any comments or replies.

I will try to assume the best because I do think a lot of issues people have comes from assuming the worst of someone then acting on those assumptions, but...I am very much a creature of habit.

When I reply, I always reply a day late, I do this because I like responding to EVERY comment made and doing it a day later makes it easier to organize and less likely that I will miss or skip over a comment. The exception is when people reply to a post I already replied to then yes, I will reply to those sometimes when I see them. There was a short time for this new legacy since I got more comments I tried replying when I saw them but it just didn't help my organization and again, I really try to reply to EVERY comment I see. Pull up any old post of mines, even from YEARS ago, you can see this.

I think anyone commenting on my stories can confirm that my replies will come at least a day later, days later if I'm on a break, rarely on the same day UNLESS there is something I see that I need to address. Proof of this is you can pull up recent posts and see that many don't have my replies yet, today I will reply to posts made March 28th for instance if I have time to reply, but again, if it feels like something I need to reply to and I happen to see the reply, I do so.

There was little chance of that happening for your particular comment that day because that day I received over 30 replies (THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT SERIOUSLY!). So I did not even see your reply to comment on or to delete and I think how you framed it makes it look like I was maliciously deleting your comments?

I'll quote from your post.

"A lovely moot very delicately mentioned it in the other person's comments while @'ing me, I replied with something like, "I'm curious as well!", and now they appear to be deleting and restricting comments rather than addressing the situation."

Well I am addressing the situation now so that should clear up the assumption that I wouldn't want to do that or that I'm a weasel who wanted to avoid it but how you've framed it, deleting comments, I was going to link the post but realized doing so would have your username and I don't want people outside getting into this and stirring up more drama, but that post has ONE comment deleted. Not comment(s). It has 17 replies on it, I don't think that sounds like me trying to delete or restrict comments on it. There is one comment on that post I have yet to reply to because it was made on the 28th and I'll reply to it later today or tonight even if I have t

But that one that is deleted I assume is yours? Well, my guess is when you blocked me it deleted this comment? Or you deleted the comment? I don't know, I don't know how tumblr works, I know I didn't touch the comment because again, I just started replying to comments on the 27th last night. Had I seen it I would have messaged you and replied to you. I think if this long post shows anything it shows I would have been very willing to message you.

I'm someone that had an entire pro-life and pro-choice (I was pro-choice) debate with a mutual in my comment section and didn't delete a single comment or unfriended them or treated them differently even though we very much disagreed. So no, I wasn't scared of confrontation or anything like that. I once asked people to openly criticize my stories anonymously if they wanted to. I have very thick skin.

But you said comments, as in plural, and that bothers me since it frames it in a way as if you made multiple comments and I deleted them all frantically running away from it.

Had you waited (and not saying you should have) I would have responded in my comment section and likely would have reached out and had you sent me mail or a message I also would have replied once I saw it, no hesitation. I don't see myself as above anyone here, I don't play clique games, I reply and interact with anyone that reaches out to me.

So, what now...

Well I dunno! I just wanted to defend myself since again, they have mutuals that I have and I did not want those mutuals to see those names and then think I am the thief and the one deleting comments and felt attacked and since her post clearly implicates me I must defend myself. If it were more vague, I likely leave it alone or maybe even created a tumblr just to send her an anon and tried to clear things up but the post is public and very clearly implicates me since again, we have shared mutuals and they will read her story then read mines and then make the connection.

I understand why she might feel frustrated and such, she felt I had stolen from her and reacted to that, so I'm not mad about that. If I saw someone with a Marisol Quesada I would have went hmmmm too but I do think I would have handled it differently but we are all different people with different experiences and such.

But, I will move on regardless. Since she has blocked me, I don't know if she will see this post (or want to see it) but I really hope more importantly the mutuals we share see it since that is the main reason I made this.

If you do see this post know there really are no hard feelings, I don't want this to come off as an attack against her or for it to escalate further. I'm just defending myself here from those claims and if you unblock me and want to chat I'd be open to that and if you delete your post about me, I'll delete this, and i've made this post non-rebloggable because I'm not trying to ever spread drama. I'll even reblog your story and promote it even because my main goals here are to share my stories but also share other's stories because I know most of us write and post because we want to share our stories and others seeing them, commenting, reblogging, liking, validates the work we put into each post.

I will make an exception about deleting comments on this post though, if there are any that seem directed at her in a negative way I will delete them, not that I expect them or anything, I have no idea what the reaction will be when this post goes live I might get tar and feathered but like I said I don't want this to be an attack towards anyone but if anyone has anything negative to say about me regarding this point, fire away, just know if you do it anonymously I will get very snappy...this is just me defending myself as an artist and a person. I didn't steal and I didn't delete any comments. I've done my best to prove both of those I hope. I dont want any of our shared mutuals picking a side, I just want to tell my side and defend myself because I again I felt attacked.

I've been here ten years, posting ten years, pretty consistently too! I'm just here in my little iggleverse corner posting, not bothering anyone, not engaging in any drama, and always trying to promote other simblrs big and small.

For those that made it this far...umm sorry this was long but I do type too much sorry T_T and hey, the defendant usually has to do a bit more...

But 10 years here, I just post, so, with all that said, the show must go on...

[xitsensunmoon]

Biting the Hand That Feeds au FAQ (Vampires + donor au)

Any general content warnings for bhtf au?

Yes. A normal amount of fnaf warnings, a normal amount of vampire warnings. The most obvious ones are blood, hypnosis, bites, and animalistic behaviour. Less obvious - slightly suggestive themes. Fnaf's usual violence, dark themes, a drop of gore and murders. The lore is uh. Very dark. I will try to decrease the amount of all of the cruelty but man. People who know, know how hard it will be. But I will tag everything properly so don't worry.

Is there a fic for your au?

No. And currently, I'm not planning on writing one.

How do I find the story?

I've linked all of the story crumbs in the pinned post.

I will probably forget to update it so I recommend checking the tags. Here's the tag list

Are the comics the only canonical thing about au?

No! I answer asks and draw a lot of doodles with bhtf au all the time and 90% of them are canon. I went through everything and indicated what is canon and what isn't anymore. You can, yet again, find everything in the tag list linked in the previous question.

Can I draw/write fan stuff for your au?

Yes, please!! I'm always happy to see fanart and fan writings and literally everything that you do! Just tag me when you post and use a fanart or fanwriting tag for au specifically so I don't miss it!

Can you include my characters in your story?

No, unfortunately, I cannot. The story is already written and I don't have any "space" for background characters either. Maybe it will change but currently, things are like this.

I asked a question with an interaction with my characters and I never got an answer, why?

I don't accept such requests. I'm not ready to spend my time drawing other people's characters for free(if I personally don't want to, of course)

Is there any limit to how many questions I can ask?

No, not at all! You can ask all you want just please make sure your question wasn't answered before. There is a big possibility I will just simply delete it if it was answered beforehand many times. Check the ask tag for it.

What about limitations? Any boundaries?

Please no questions about tickling🧍‍♀️ I got so many of those it already makes me uncomfortable. And for some reason, a lot of people send asks that include violence towards my characters and while I don't really feel uncomfortable with this I just idk what to answer and why are you even doing this lmao

What questions I should avoid?

Well, not really avoid but I will mention it anyway.

The things I have planned to show right now:

- Sun and Moon and doctor's first encounter

- The creation of Sun&Moon

- Why S&M are sensitive to light and darkness

- How they hunt

So no need to ask me about these. I will show it, I promise.

What about sexual themes?

I understand that I post a lot of suggestive stuff and it may appear I allow such a thing but no.

You can create content with it tho, I don't mind for the most part. Just be ready that I may not reblog it, as my Tumblr is a SFW place. It's always 50/50.

Romantic themes?

I do draw some kisses and cuddles when I feel like it so you of course can send ideas for cute interactions.

My question gets ignored even though I followed everything that you mentioned here. Why?

Answered in main FAQ.

Can I share the ideas for your au with you?

YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! I'm very open to that, like yes! The only thing that I definitely want to mention - you should expect that I actually can take your ideas and use them. Some people are protective of their ideas so if you're like this you probably should not share them with me :)

The information that you're using for your au is wrong.

Happens sometimes yeah. I know nothing about any medical stuff for doctor reader so I usually improvise. After all it's an au about robotic vampires man, this information is absolutely wrong. But! You're free to drop feedback/constructive criticism in my inbox!

Will be updated later

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Prologue

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

Welcome welcome!

There is a method to my madness with the beginning half of this post on every chapter and the tea pics. I try my very best to make sure to minimize spoilers so the real content will be below this.

What I know (or don't) going into this series

Don't correct me, it's more fun if this all turns out to be wrong:

it is a love story across lifetimes

one of them wears disguises?

heavenly realms

it is painful AF

I am expecting many deaths to be honest

That's literally all I know, I didn't even really read the back cover until after I read the prologue (below) I am going in so blind.

With this all in mind; Let's gooooooooooooooooooooo:

Okay starting off strong with "the laughingstock of the Three Realms" p11

Oh god, "how to describe the prince...'unique'" p11

This man sounds so sweet "I want to help the common people" p11 but also him over here rescuing babies falling off the walls p13

Oh, I can see how the rich bitches with power would see this as problematic. The audacity of them trying to punish him for doing good. pp13-14

omg this guy, just casually meeting the Heavenly Emperor p16

this is a side note, I will say, though I have 0 experience reading actual heavenly realm lore, I feel well prepared for this due to the sheer amount of MXTX fanfics I have read that are probably crossovers with TGCF but I just didn't even know.

Good for him for ascending! Though if this is one of the protagonists of the story, I am worried for how naïve he seems p16

Well, the Rich Bitches were not wrong to fear the inauspicious start to the ceremony pre-ascension. 3 years later and ofc they are invaded AND the prince is not even there due to his ascension. p17

Poor buddy. I already know this series is going to hurt. He just wanted to help but made everything so much worse by getting involved in human things. p18

"to speak harshly, was he not just useless trash who could not do anything right?!?!" p18

What a tough blow. From god of protection and peace to God of misfortune. p19

AND banishment

Not the double ascension AND immediate banishment. p20 But i do want to know how he lasted like 30 minutes the second ascension. I'm just picturing him up there throwing hands for a hot second before being shunted back to earth double birds flying.

I also love that he's like a little weird. just a queer little man putting on street shows and acting odd as hell.

ooof. Bro. not only was he The Laughingstock for a minute, he also wasn't even memorable enough for people to recall him after a while. This story is going to ruin my life I know it. I already want to adopt this immortal man and wrap him in soft things. p21

A THIRD ASCENSION??????? p22

The canon has been FIRED

The way in which this story already started at 100. Blasted into the universe with this prologue, we had a weird little guy, he ascended descended too many times to be okay, and now we are shunted into chapter 1.

[nightlyrequiem]

hiya requiem !!

okay sooh kinda stupid request BUTTT can i request something along the lines of running a rival cartel against Val .. then she finds you sellin on her block and she thinks ur jist mad stupid because like?? ( ・－・)

butttt then when she messes ya up and like kidnaps you or wtv you're like 'i sold here for your attention not for money' yaknow?? (∩_∩)

then we just have confuzzled Valeria, pining 😞

soz if this is too specific !!! as always thanks soso much in advance :3

-🃏🌀⭐️

Hiya Jester!!

I love this request. Writing a dumb little lovesick reader inconveniences Valeria just to get her attention is so fun.

No worries! I actually super love when requests are specific!

Ugh. I need her to beat the living daylights out of me like literally

Tags/Warnings: WLW, Mentions of Drugs, Mild Violence, Mostly Lighthearted Stuff

Attention Seeker

"What do you mean nobody is buying from you?" Valeria growls dangerously. Scowling at one of her dealers as he shifts uncomfortably, not wanting to be on the receiving end of her fury. 

"It's not just me." He says quickly. "The others are struggling for customers, there's another cartel that just popped up - real small though, practically just a gang." He continues quickly.

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?" Valeria snaps. There's a threat to her business and nobody thought to tell her? "Who is running it?" She demands. When she gets her hands on them, she is going to skin them. The audacity they have to encroach in on her territory.

"... I'm not sure, some woman." He replies quietly, he seems to relax a bit now that Valeria has someone else to be mad at. That's usually how it goes. People playing hot potato with Valeria's anger.

The presence of competition explains why the market has been dry lately. She's going to find her and crush her like a bug. Watch her insides spill out. Valeria turns back to the man. Face twisted into it's usual dark scowl.

"How did you find out who it was?" she asks impatiently.

"Well... she was the one selling." He admits. "I asked her about it and she said she pulled together a few people to start up a 'business.'"

Valeria looks at him blankly. "You were face to face with this woman and didn't think to kill her." She says, astounded by this man's incompetence. "Or at the very least bring her to me. You just... walked away."

The man grimaces and avoids her gaze. "She was very friendly, and open with information I didn't know what to do." 

"Get out."

Valeria sits at her desk rigidly. Limbs stiff with anger. For weeks she's been losing money and she had no clue why. Just to find out it's because she's being upsold by some... friendly woman? "Oh, I just pulled together some people for a fun business adventure selling hard drugs in someone else's established territory, hee-hee." Nobody just randomly wakes up one day and decides to form a cartel. Nobody can just do that. It takes intelligence, and skill, and power. Valeria worked her ass and tits off to get to where she is, and this woman thinks she can just stroll in like life is sweet? Valeria clenches her fists and takes some deep breaths.

Three days later she's prowling the block you were spotted on. She got your description from that dealer and now she waits. Her men wait in a black, nondescript car nearby, waiting for her signal. People go about their days. Families out on strolls with their children, paying no mind to the armed men around them. This is their normal. Anything else would only disrupt things. There. She watches you stride out from an alley. Valeria would have never been able to tell that you sell drugs. Yet there you are, paper bags clutched in one hand. You don't even notice Valeria as you walk by. Moving with a purpose. Intent to sell.

Valeria follows after you. You're so dumb that you don't even look over your shoulder. That's when she grabs you. She slaps a hand over your mouth and roughly drags you away. You attempt to struggle but Valeria curls her lip into a sneer at how physically weak you are. The car squeals up next to the both of you and the door opens, a large man bags your head and hauls you inside. Slamming the door behind him.

Your vision is obscured to beige blurs as your shoved to the floor. It's hard and cold. A place that never sees the sun. You try to stand when you get kicked in the ribs, sending you sprawling. Air is pushed from your lungs in a painful gasp. Another sharp kick is delivered.

"Stop!" You wheeze.

The bag is pulled from your head, allowing you to see the room and your attacker. It's Valeria, who looks nothing short then pissed. "Who do you think you are?" She snarls. Her foot lands painfully in your stomach and your vision swims. She grabs you by the hair and roughly tilts your head back to look at her. "Do you think you're smart? trying to sell on my turf? Stupid bitch."

"Valeria." You mumble. Body relaxing at the sight of her. She's even prettier up close. High cheekbones, the beginnings of crow's feet, dark eyes. What a woman.

Valeria is taken aback by your expression. Her brows furrowing at your lack of fear.

"Why the hell are you looking at me like that?" She asks sharply. Do you not believe she's a threat? "You aren't going to be so happy when I beat the shit out of you, coño."

"I can't believe it." You gush, lips twisting into a wide grin. "You noticed me!" Your laugh is piercing and ecstatic. Valeria lets go of you and takes a step back.

"What are you talking about?" Her voice is laced with frustration. You sit up straighter and smile at her like she just handed you a million dollars.

"I'm so happy to finally meet you!" You say. "I admire you so much. You're so strong, I mean, I don't know of any other woman who does something like this. Running a cartel? And using a fake identity? God, you're brilliant!"

Valeria stares at you, not even sure how to respond. Should she hit you again? "Why were you selling on my territory?" She demands. "You think you can just take my money like that?"

"Oh no, I'm not doing this for money." You shake your head, voice full of disinterest. "I tried to find other ways of getting close to you, but your people are so unfriendly. I tried to join your cartel but they pulled a gun on me and told me to 'get the fuck out of here.'" You explain. Just casually dropping this information.

Hearing that you wanted to be close to her raises major alarm bells in her head. She unholsters her pistol and aims at it you threateningly.

"Why do you need to be closer to me?" she asks. "You a fed?"

You frown. "No. I just really admire your work."

"I don't understand."

She stiffens when you stand. "I want to be just like you." You say. Your eyes dart over her face, drinking in her features like well-aged wine. "I want to apart of your life."

Valeria understands there may just be something wrong with you. she lowers her gun but doesn't drop it. Still not fully convinced you aren't a threat.

"You came here and trespassed... to get my attention. You wanted me to seek you out." She reiterates flatly. "Just to make sure I'm understanding correctly."

You smile and nod. Glad she finally gets it.

"Exactly." You reply calmly.

Valeria isn't sure how she feels about that. You're strange and not well, clearly. But she's never had someone so interested in her that they'd put themselves in danger just to meet her. It makes her feel powerful. In control. "Is that it?" She asks boredly. "You just wanted my attention?"

"Yes."

"Well you got it." She says with annoyance. Rebolstering her gun. "If I catch you selling drugs again, I won't hesitate to put a bullet through your head, do you understand me?" Valeria gets in your face, trying to intimidate you. Instead, she just witnesses your pupils dilating.

"Sure." You nod, sounding breathless. Valeria doesn't know if it's because you were kicked in the ribs or something else. "Do you want to go on a date with me?" 

Valeria recoils, expression souring. "No." She says bluntly. Turning away from you. She'll have one of her men relocate you.

"Please?" You plead, sounding pathetic. "Just one date? There's this amazing restaurant and lounge on fifth, I'll pay."

"I'm not going out with you." she grunts. She still hasn't called in her men.

"Then can I work for you? I have a way with people, I can make you so much money as a dealer."

That offer certainly piques her interest. You have a point, she thinks. You're pretty and friendly and she can see that doing well with drug addled clients.

She puts a hand on her hip while she considers your hopeful expression. Valeria imagines what it would be like to have someone so infatuated with her working under her. she'd have your guaranteed loyalty. A part of her also likes the way it feels.

"Fine." She relents. "But if you fuck up even once, you're gone."

You smile happily. Looking like an idiot.

[zaynesmissus]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐋&𝐃𝐒 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒

tags : fluff!!! gn reader. est relationship. 1.2k words. a/n : ik v-day is over but i just have to post one just bcs !!! this is sooo late bcs school is a pain in the ass. reblogs are highly encouraged and very much appreciated! <3

𝐗𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 ‧₊˚ ✩ ₊˚ ⊹ ♡ 

"Hey, did you know it's Valentine's Day today?"

"What?"

"Wait, don't tell me you don't know what that is." You teased him, not really expecting that he might not know. Yet he looks down, looking a little shy.

Wait, is this for real? He actually doesn't know??

You cleared your throat to mask your giggle. "Well, for your information, it's a special day to spend with loved ones and friends."

You leave out the part where it's focused on lovers, thinking you might sound like you're hinting something. Little did you know he actually knew what today was and found it quite cute how you brought it up.

"Ahh right." He says as if he finally remembered. He tries his best to refrain from grinning so much and showing his intentions.

"Then..." he trailed off, slowly meeting your eyes as you looked at him.

"Shall we go out later?"

The first time you saw him, you already knew that you would inevitably fall for this precious man, and when he speaks so softly and genuinely while holding such warmth and fondness in his eyes while looking at you, you can't help but get weak in the knees and fall for him all over again (as if you don't already do everyday). "S-sure. I'm looking forward to it."

He blessed your eyes with such a gorgeous smile. "Great. Where do you want to go?"

You end up dropping by the plaza where countless stalls are set up, a variety of foods and gifts being sold. You both ate snacks and took pictures, enjoying every second of the time spent together.

As it was getting late, you both decided to call it a day, but not before Xavier got back as he wanted to check out something. You were surprised that he came back with a bouquet in his hands.

"I told the old man I chatted with earlier while I was going around that I would come back and buy some flowers from him. He said I should give it to someone I consider dearest to me."

He slowly hands it to you, a warm smile on his lips. "Thank you for today, I had such a great time. I hope you enjoyed as much as I did, and I hope you'll accompany me to celebrate this day every year."

𝐙𝐀𝐘𝐍𝐄 ‧₊˚ ✩ ₊˚ ⊹ ♡ 

You find yourself in front of Dr. Zayne's office after you intentionally scheduled an appointment with him on February 14. Although he might be busy, you were planning to ask him out today if ever that he was free.

You take in a deep breath. After knocking, you hear him respond with a "Come in."

After everything has been settled and finding that you're as healthy as you can be, you immediately started another conversation. "What are your plans today?"

He looks at you and his face is normal as usual, though you thought you saw a glimpse of surprise on his face for a split second. "Not much, just some paperwork left and I'm done for the day. Why'd you ask?"

Right. Of course he had things to do. "Nothing, just curious."

"What about you? Do you have plans left for today?"

"Nope. I'll just be heading home."

"If you're not in a rush to head home and call it a day, would you care to wait for a few more minutes and go out with me afterwards?"

You were taken aback by how straightforward he is that you embarassingly choke on nothing.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, I'm fine really." You speak after putting back enough air in your lungs. "Sure, I'll be waiting here. Take your time."

He smiles at you before facing the computer and focusing while you sit there scrolling on your phone. (little did you know deep down he's happy that his plan was a success as he actually already made up his mind that he would spend today with you)

It didn't take long before he was finished. It's as if he unlocked 100% of his brain power.

You end up walking in the plaza, buying food and playing games. Of course, Zayne always lets you win whether he plans it or not. He didn't really mind losing to you. How could he when he couldn't help but stare at you that he loses focus?

It was starting to get dark while you were taking a stroll. There was a comforting silence surrounding the both of you before Zayne broke it. "Look, they're your favorite, aren't they?" He points at a stall selling flowers and the ones you love were right at the front. He buys them and hands the bouquet to you.

"What for? You didn't have to." Yet you gave a smile, appreciating the gesture.

"I wanted to buy them for you. They really do suit you. Think of it as my thanks for spending the day with me... and as an invitation celebrate again next year with me."

𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐋 ‧₊˚ ✩ ₊˚ ⊹ ♡ 

You went inside Rafayel's residence, having been called by him.

"Ah! There you are, bodyguard-san." He welcomes you as soon as he sees you let yourself in.

"So, why'd you call me over in the middle of work? Good thing I don't have a mission today."

"Well, besides the fact that I just wanted to see you, I want you to accompany me to the plaza later."

Your ears perked up at his words, but you were unsure as to what was the meaning behind his invitation.

Is this it? Is he asking me out? Or did he just have some business to tend to there?

"What for? There's gonna be a pretty big crowd there later."

He cleared his throat before answering. "I'm just curious as to what's all the ruckus about since Thomas mentioned there'd be some kind of celebration today."

"Ahh it's probably because it's Valentine's Day."

"And what are we celebrating?"

"Well..." you pause, thinking of a simple way to explain. "It's a day of giving love and spending time with loved ones." but it's mostly celebrated by couples. You leave out that part, not knowing why it felt embarrassing to highlight that detail.

"I see. You humans and your celebrations, I'll never understand."

You chuckle at his dramatics, "and why is that?"

"Shouldn't every day should be a day spent with loved ones anyways? Don't you think so?" he said in a as-a-matter-of-fact way before sighing. "I would spend everyday like that, unlike some people."

You roll your eyes but smile anyways at your adorable and clingy boyfriend.

"To commemorate your traditions, why don't we just start now and spend the entire day together?"

And that's exactly what you did. You started out by hanging at his place, attempting to draw a portrait of one another. Of course he nails his art, but yours ended up more of an abstract rather than a portrait. When afternoon came, you two dropped by the plaza and tried almost all of the food.

By the end of the day, walks you home. Standing outside your apartment complex, he pulls out flowers from his coat and hands them to you.

Smiling, you take them from him. "They're lovely, thank you."

"I'm glad you like them." He shows you his killer smile. "Today is dedicated to spending time with people who're important to us, but let's try to spend everyday this way. What d'you say?"

!!! dividers from @cafekitsune and @saradika

© zaynesmissus — do not steal, plagiarize, translate, and/or repost my posts anywhere

[nivasichakano]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @patheticfangirl! Procrastination on a Monday? Don't mind if I do. 1. How many works do you have on AO3? 18 — 16 for BG3 and 2 for Arcane (sorry Jayvik one day I'll come back to you 😭) 2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

433,097 (never finished writing a thing in my life before I discovered Astarion, thanks darling).

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hustle - What I want to write: angsty romantasy. What I actually write: Bloodweave YouTubers. I love these boys. WeaveStitch 4eva <3

Hiraeth - My First Fanfiction, an isekai about a BG3 gamer who finds herself dragged into Faerun. I didn't know how to use AO3 then, I tagged my OC, Astarion, and Gale in a threesome by accident, and Gale and Astarion are super horny for each other throughout because I didn't yet know it was my life's calling to write Bloodweave. But I'm proud of the ending and people still seem to like it.

What Friends Are For - Also known as, Nivasi discovers Bloodweave. This fic has my favorite chapters of anything I've written ever (chapters 11-13).

Driven - Meepbois 😭 I miss them so they're getting a one-year anniversary epilogue this year.

Snakes & Ladders - A silly one-shot enabled by the Bloodweave Brainrot Discord. No tadpole AU in which Astarion is sent by Cazador to steal from Gale.

4. What fandoms do you write for?

BG3 and Arcane. On a knife's edge about Invisible Boys and IWTV.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. I'd like to pretend that I 'write for myself' but you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you(r comments).

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Familiar is probably the angstiest thing I've written ('What if Gale's dad was one of Astarion's victims?'). Otherwise, Hiraeth has a very bittersweet ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally everything else.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Someone once compared Hiraeth to Twilight, which I consider to be hateful.

9. Do you write smut?

I mean... I try 😅 Not well?

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, but I'm open to it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I think it'd be fun. HMU.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Bloodweave. I can't believe I'm still here over a year later. Just love 'em.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

*cries in Eurovision fic shame* I do actually really want to finish After the End, my Jayvik longfic too, since it's all plotted out. But I realised I can't work on more than one thing at once and Hellfire Club Bloodweave AU is dragging me into the hells at the moment.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I genuinely don't know how to answer this. Uhh, the ability to make absolutely everything a romcom?

Actually, I just came back to this one because I remembered that I can write the shit out of a first chapter. Give me any prompt and that first chapter will be with you in under an hour.

It's just finishing them that's the problem.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Making everything a romcom, if you hate romcoms, I guess. Other than that, oh, so many things: procrastination, repetition, cliches, getting distracted by shiny new ideas, autistic Gale + bbgirl Astarion

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

I did it in Driven, because Astarion speaks French, and it taught me how not good Google Translate is. I ended up getting help from the lovely French Quarter of BWBR in the end, and would always go straight to this option in the future.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

BG3! This has been my first experience of fandom and my first time writing fics. I like it. You're all onto something here.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

I think it's got to be Driven. It's not as popular as Hustle, but I received the most surprising amount of love for this story. To the extent that it was actually emotional when it came to an end? Which I really wasn't expecting when I plonked a wizard and a vampire into F1 cars. Thanks meeple <3

* Riddle me this @badmarilynart @hylianworrier

[nwjws]

while you were sleeping - pjs

; PAIRING - jay x gn!reader

; SYNOPSIS - in which you’ve had the same album on repeat, unable to get it out of your mind. just like how jay, your roommate, can’t seem to get you out of his.

; WC - 1.4k (minus the lyrics)

; TAGS - college roommates au, fluff, from jay's pov, based off laufey's 'while you were sleeping' ; WARNINGS - not proofread

i still can't believe that you noticed me

mindlessly scrolling on your phone, you patiently wait for your roommate, park jay, to finish cooking up some breakfast. a comfortable silence has settled between you two, with the only sounds being the sizzling oil on the pan and your humming.

"you've been listening to the same 14 songs for the past week."

"what?" you ask, looking up at him. you stare at his back, broad shoulders exposed by his tank top.

he turns his head to look back at you over his shoulder, raising a perfect eyebrow. you realise then what he's saying.

laufey had released a new album last week, and you literally haven't played any other song outside of it since it dropped. you can feel jay judging you, but you just shrug at him. you were definitely not stopping.

"so what if i've had bewitched on repeat? can you deny that they're good?" you challenged him.

"no, of course not," he chuckled to himself, turning back to the pan. "i'm just surprised you haven't gotten sick of it yet."

"i would never get sick of laufey," you say with mock offence.

"alright, then," he said with a teasing undertone.

you wanted to retort, but he placed a plate in front of you, making you forget what you were going to say.

"hey, you have a later clinical today, right?" he asked as you two dug in.

"mhm."

"take the box i left in the fridge with you before you go then. its some extra lunch i made so you'd have enough energy to get through the day."

"thank you," you say appreciatively. "you really don't have to do that every time i have a heavier day."

"well, if i have time to, then i don't see why i shouldn't."

"what about you? what are you doing today?"

"my professor cancelled class today, so i'll go check out if i can bother heeseung or jake."

"i'll pray for whichever victim you choose, then," you joke.

"maybe i won't make you extra lunch next time," he pouted playfully.

"no, no. those actually really help me. god knows if i didn't score you as my roommate, i would have passed out several times by now."

"grateful to be of service"

after breakfast, jay lounges around the apartment as you're getting ready. some show plays on the tv, but it doesn't drown out the sound of must be love playing from your speakers.

you shout your leaving when you exit the shared apartment, and jay wishes you a good day. he watches you close the door, leaving him completely alone.

i'll never forget the first time i saw you then

when he drives to the shopping centre with jake later that day, he pauses mid-sentence when he realises something.

"is everything good?" his friend asks.

"yeah, i just recognised the song playing."

"really? you listen to from the start by laufey?" jake asks. he had decided to connect his phone to jay's carplay, and had been in the one in control of the playlist.

"not really, but my roommate does."

"y/n? that's pretty cool. they've got good music taste," he replies.

"they've had her newest album on repeat since she dropped it," jay laughs, eyes on the road.

"do you find that annoying?"

"of course not, it's funny seeing them prance around the apartment, belting their heart out," he laughs at a memory of you singing at the top of your lungs. "i guess i'm more of a second-hand listener now? if that's even a thing."

"probably," jake shrugs.

a light pink bouquet, a promise you'll stay and i start to believe

the two had decided to eat out at wagamama's first, before anything else.

"i think i'll get the pad thai," tells the waitor, who nods and notes it on his ipad.

"hm, i'm feeling like trying the grilled chicken ramen," jay says. "oh, could i also get the miso mixed vegetable salad to-go?"

"sure," the waitor replies. he pockets the small device in his apron, and leaves for the kitchen.

"you ordered another meal?" the younger asks curiously.

"me and y/n go here often. of course, i had to get them something. usually, they'll go for the typical miso salad, or some curry, but they've decided they wanted to try being vegan recently. so i got the vegan one," jay explains nonchalantly.

"wow, you really care a lot about them, huh?"

"of course, we're sharing the rent, after all. have to be a good roommate, otherwise they'll leave and i'll have to pay the bills on my own."

"maybe i should get a roommate," jake chuckles. "but i don't think i'd be able to get someone like you."

"i'd feel sorry for whoever ends up with you," jay teases him. "and anyway, they're a good roommate. they do the laundry for the both of us, and we usually spend the weekends cleaning together."

"you guys are so lucky," is all jake says.

i don't recognise myself ; who've i become?

jake dragged jay into their third clothing shop that day, despite jay's protests. in self-defence, jake whines about needing some new shoes.

"don't you have like, thirty pairs? what could you possibly need another one for?"

"actually, i only have twenty-eight. and i need one for graduation, of course."

"right, because none of your almost-thirty pairs suffice," jay rolls his eyes.

"don't act like you dont have seventy pairs of the same polo shirt."

"i don't!"

"i've seen your closet, don't lie to me."

jay sighs and leaves jake to wander around the shop on his own.

"there you go again, buying another shirt," jake's voice sighs from behind jay fifteen minutes later.

"not for me," jay shakes his head. he turns to show the clothing piece to his friend. "for y/n. this is definitely their style, and it'll fit them so well. they have a pair of shoes that are this exact colour, so it would be good outfit if they sandwhich it with any bottom piece they choose."

"you think a lot about your roommate," jake raises his eyebrow at him.

"i see them all the time, why wouldn't i?" jay asks.

"no, like, you think too much about y/n considering you're 'only roommates'," he says with a quote gesture.

"stop suggesting weird things," jay walks ahead to the counter, leaving jake to follow behind.

"is it really so weird, though? if you like y/n like that?"

jay just ignores him, and pays for the shirt. it's not, he thinks to himself, because it's not a new thought either.

i trace it all back, 3:30 am that night something turned in my heart

"thank you, jay," you hug him when he shows you what he got. "you really need to stop buying me things."

"i can't help it," he smiles. "when i see something that reminds me of you, i just feel like i have to get it."

"with how often you buy me things, i'd say a lot of things remind you of me, huh?"

"seems like it..." he scratches his nape, awkwardly avoiding eye contact with you. thanks jake, he scowls in his mind. now he can't stop thinking about what he said earlier.

you and jay decide to watch a movie the next night, since it was a friday, and neither of you had to be up early the next day.

but jay couldn't focus on the tv when you two were basically cuddling under the shared blanket on the sofa. his skin prickled where his arm hung around your shoulder, and the weight of your head on his made him feel light and airy.

the warmth of your body seeped through your clothes, and brought him immense comfort. your sweet scent filled his nose, subconsciously recognising it to be one of the perfumes he'd bought you.

it was only when the movie ended he realised he hadn't been watching at all. and neither were you, if your light snores were any indication.

he huffed amusedly to himself, and shifted on the sofa to get you two in a more comfortable position, actually lying down. reaching for the remote, he carefully switched off the tv, leaving the only source of light to be a soft, warm yellow coming from a corner lamp.

jay stared at your features, illuminated by the dim light. he realised right then, in the comfort of your arms, far into the night, what he felt for you.

while you were sleeping, i fell in love.

; AUTHOR'S CORNER! do u guys ever feel like throwing up at your own work? ALSO THANK YOU FOR 200 this is my offer of thanks 🤭

; TAGLIST - @lovelovelovebts @miyseung @babyy-bambii

[sysmedsaresexist]

We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits

This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.

I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.

I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???

So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.

But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.

I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.

I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?

The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.

I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.

I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.

I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??

But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.

With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.

And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.

(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)

It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.

But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.

The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.

Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.

TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right

[widebrimmedhatsblog]

Onyx Storm Predictions!!

I wanted to do a full theory post but the clock is TICKING and I decided to get sick last week before I could write one up, so this will have to do!

Predictions below the cut! I'm going to re-blog and re-spoiler tag with extra info from the apple books preview, so no onyx storm spoilers on THIS post.

I'm going to start off with my most controversial prediction and say that I don't think Xaden is leaving! The bond is still in place (re: end of IF) and Sgaeyl evidently still gives a fuck about him (again, re: end of IF) and so I don't think she's going to break the bond! I DO think he might try and leave, but I think Violet will stop him.

This is probably the second most controversial (at least to me) but I do think Violet might be part/half venin. I think Lilith turned when she was pregnant with Violet. I don't fully know how being part venin would even work, but we know next to nothing about how being FULL venin would work, so I'm not gonna sweat it. There's a huge theme (motif?) of being two things at once in these books (violet's hair, her eyes, her two dragons, her two signets, scribe/rider, Xaden's two signets, etc.) Further, you have Lilith's cure-investigation, and also the matter of the extreme amount of parallels between Lilith and Xaden. I think they both turned to protect Violet.

The subsect of that prediction/theory/whatever is that I don't think Xaden can drain her! If you read the fight with JFB in FW wherein Vi is "shaken by an internal force (she doesn't) understand, as though he's forcing his own power into my body, shocking me with a thousand stings of vibrating energy" while he has his hands holding her face. A couple paragraphs later, it's confirmed his eyes are red-rimmed. (Fourth Wing pages 294-295). I think this is JFB draining her to a certain degree. It HURTS Violet, he gets power, but no hand prints! I actually really wanted Xaden to leave sexy handprints on her, but in the last like 4 days I've changed my mind. I foresee a sort of vampire-esque power drinking thing!

I keep calling myself controversial but I'm going to keep doing it. My NEXT controversial take is that I don't think they're going to the isles yet! I think Vi may WANT to go to the isles, but I think she'll have to go to Poromiel first, then head to the barrens!

I think Vi's second signet is one of two things: the type of mirroring signet I used in Teach Me, or a straight up inntinnsic. Both of these are used in the throne scene, as I spelled out in that fic! I don't mind Vi being an inntinnsic*, especially since all the men in her life have a direct line into her head. I really think it's only fair if she can get back at them, IDK.

I don't think we're meeting Xaden's mom this book! I think that's book 4. But while we're talking about her, I think she has a second kid Xaden doesn't know about, and I think they'll meet this secret sibling first and it will be a moment of tenuous trust between riorgail (in that Violet will have to grapple with the possibility of him keeping secrets from her AGAIN, only to find out her isn't)

I'm saving my thoughts on who dies for the spoilery part!

I don't think Xaden is getting "Cured". I'm not entirely sure there will be a cure on a person-to-person basis, because I frankly think that defeats the purpose of the metaphor.

This MAY be a book 4 thing, but I'm going to add it here anyway! My IRL bestie and I talk a lot about how the story of the 3 brothers here is the Deathly Hallows reborn, and we've been joking about how Violet must gather said hallows to defeat Voldemort etc. However, we joked about it a little too much, and now I'm convinced: at some point, Vi will be the dragon rider, the gryphon flier, and the venin

OR: Mira is the gryphon rider* and Brennan's the venin.

This is wishful thinking actually but the quest squad somehow ends up being just x, vi and the dragons!

This is more of a theme prediction, but every book thus far (all 2!) have been about unpacking a level of propaganda. FW is Navarre's propaganda about war, and IF is Navarre's propaganda about Poromiel. Therefore, we have at least 2 more forms of propaganda to unpack: whatever the fuck is going on with the dragons, and the idea that venin are inherently evil. I think we tackle one of these book 3 and one book 4! Or perhaps both together, because they are intertwined.

Crack Pot Theories

Papa Sorrengail's first name is Adam.

I don't think Halden is Violet's ex. I think it's literally two random ass infantry guys. Also Xaden gets to kill Halden :)

I think Brennan killed Naolin! I also think they were gay. I think it’s a mirror to a different way to handle someone turning venin for you than what Vi and X will do

I may edit this and add more. Why am I blanking on every thought I've ever had about onyx storm in my life.

[athenaswrath]

Until I Found You - Chapter 2

Quinn Hughes x Reader

Word Count: 851

Chapter 1 >Chapter 2< Chapter 3 Chapter 4

When you arrived at the lake house Quinn wasn't there yet, so they decided he was the one crashing on the couch since there were only three rooms and the rest of you were going to sleep in pairs, so it was Trevor and Jamie, Jack and Luke and you with Holtz

While they played football outside, you decided to take a shower to calm your nerves, knowing that I was going to be with them off work for months felt so different, plus Quinn is going to be here any minute, you've heard a lot about him and while Luke and Jack have said that he's so protective over them and he worries a lot they've said that he's quite grumpy, something Nico, Trevor and Cole have confirmed. So you wanted to make a good impression and hopefully your awkwardness was going to allow it just this one time...

"Fuck" you said after you knocked into someone making them spill their beer all over them. Fan-fucking-tastic, there goes your opportunity to get on the good side of the oldest Hughes. "I'm so incredibly sorry, really let me... I can wash your clothes, and grab another beer for you, I wasn't really looking..."

"It's okay, I was going to take a shower now anyways, is nice to meet you" and right after he said that he left and closed the door of the room you just left. To say you were panicking was an understandment the least thing you wanted to do was to make things awkward, he was probably going to complain about you to Jack and Luke, I mean you were the only girl and they were already going to hold some things back because of that...

you don't know how long you've been standing on the corridor when Holtzy grabbed your face "Belle you okay? did you see Huggy?"

"yes... yeah he's.. he said he was going to take a shower" I said pointing at the door while looking down at the wet floor, he followed my sight and I saw understandment flashing on his face "go help the boys downstairs before they set the house on fire I'll clean this... nope, I'll do it" he said before I could interrupt him

When I entered the kitchen the boys were emptying the fridge (Ellen so kindly stored beforehand) trying to find something to defrost. So I sent them to set the table while I prepared something, Jamie being his usual self (a sweetheart that is) came to help me, we've only met a couple of times and for a very short time but he was so easy to get along with. This was the first time he tagged along too, only cause him and Trevor missed each other with Jamie being on the Flyers now. Almost an hour later we took everything to the table where four giant whiny babies were waiting for the food.

We were starting to eat when I heard Quinn running downstairs "Too late, food's gone Huggy Bear" Jack said when he came into view, "This is y/n by the way be nice, I actually like her"

"Wow didn't know you were capable of liking other than yourself" Trevor told him but Jack answered "oh please as if you were any better, you can't even act as if you cared for others" and obviously Trevor's sassiness attacked "because I don't" Jamie, Holtzy and I just looked at each other and smiled.

"Since you won the cup you're less talkative, are you too much for us now Cap?" Trevor told the oldest Hughes while smirking, he knew what he was doing, Jack always tells me that Zegras' favorite pastime is getting on Quinn's nerves "I've always been too much for you Zegras but I'm glad you finally accept it".

They kept throwing snarky comments and while I was glad Quinn didn't mention anything about our encounter, I was still worried that he was upset, so while everyone was getting ready to go to bed, I went downstairs to find Quinn.

"Hey" I said softly "you should go upstairs and sleep there, I mean is your room after all. Holtzy is there but I'm sure Jack or Lu wouldn't mind switching" when he didn't answer I looked at him and he had a small frown while looking intensely at me.

You were caught off guard by the momentary awkwardness that seemed to radiate from him, not used to seeing a Hughes in any other way than the confident and playful boys.

"Thank you, but it's okay if you sleep there. And... I'm sorry, I... What happened earlier was my fault, so you don't have to blame yourself for it, it is nice to finally meet the girl which my brothers feel so close to" he gave me a small smile and headed upstairs where Luke was yelling for him.

With my heart beating slightly faster than usual (which was fast enough already) I slept that night besides a snuggling Holtz, feeling hopeful about having a good time with everyone and a non-uncomfortable interaction with Quinn.

_________________________________________

Note: didn't love this chapter but now that Quinny finally met the reader I'll have more inspiration. Also there's going to be dual POV in the next chapters.

If you have suggestions or you see a mistake (english is not my main language) please let me know!