#don't mind me I'm just having a bit of fun which tbh is so rare

[avatarkasia-art]

them ladieeees

[andros-paidophonoio]

My other controversial trait is I don't care for but I also don't hate Lore Olympus lmfao. I think it's frustrating to me for various reasons but all of them are completely different from the main reasons I see people hate it and I rarely see MY complaints and critiques come up which is pretty funny. Not that some critiques don't have merit, but a lot especially I remember from several years ago were ur run of the mill "sexualizing fetishizing & the young women r being led astray" from the same people also being nostalgic about their effervescent Twilight phases and problematic cartoon husbandos and it's like, let's be fucking real

I understand the being concerned about it giving the Wrong Impression of the mythological characters etc but it's just visually and stylistically SO different and distinct and basically looks and comes across like Teenybopper Inside Out. I feel like thinking it represents anything realistic to the irl material feels a little idk.....losing chess to a dog-ish. Losing chess to an archie comic. Personally I get more concerned about adapations that have an appearance and sheen of being "accurate" or educational and serious while peddling more misinformation XD So that in mind, most of my evaluation of the story is a bit separate from that aspect, which has already been discussed and analyzed a lot–i generally try to evaluate based on the internal world that a story creates and how it comes across to ME.

More of my thoughts (playing defense AND personal haterisms)

I personally find the main Fantasy of the comic to be extremely vanilla LMAO and Fine...its basically "what if I was a super hot and pretty girl but ALSO sort of underdog-ish but ALSO I had sexy older BF who was kind and listens to me and wants to worship the ground inwalk on and we have cute little fluffy conversations and dates and ALSO I'm super sexy and evil and powerful but ALSO Good and Innocent and Blameless--" it's kind of an incoherent mess, but it's trying to appeal to a variety of fantasies all at once, and I think the desires that are expressed are pretty basic ones lol. I know there's also the rumor (?) of the Hades basically being authors self insert Mads Mikkelsen au crush or whatever which ppl made fun of but like genuinely What is Wrong With That. It's a bit silly but how is that problematic or my business.

I actually liked Perse's character and parts of her arc, I think the strongest parts of the comic was parts like the gentle romance portions where characters got to "be themselves" and just hang out in more slice of life style stuff (before it weirdly delved into therapist talking). There are some really great expressions of emotion and nervousness around sex and desire and shame. And the fantasy of having an understanding person to be a friend and talk to and open up to and speak in a respectful way was pretty sweet, and a lot MORE gentle than tbh a lot of Edgy Romance where theove interest is just Mean and Insulting for a while. So while I find aspects of maybe the characters getting flat, I found that personally kind of more positive in terms of "lessons and takeaways." So it's funny to me when ppl talk about the comic as The Most Evil Fetishizing Ever when so much of it honestly feels sanded down to Niceness lmfao. I also weirdly found that it felt at times very sexually or sensually restrained–like I get it's for more younger audience, but the kind of coy dancing around stuff at times (I wonder from webtoon meddling) felt weirder than maybe being more open about it. In a weird way, the rape scene from earlier on in the story felt more explored in how it had an impact than later parts. I wonder if that's because it was before it became so popular and also started getting more attention and criticisms that then seem to have subsumed into the work in weird ways.

I guess it's overall, in the end, one of those stories that is very much speaking to the modern age and the modern (straight ig) young women; where the OG Story and hymn was about grief of losing child to a marriage out of ur control (and includes the comfort of other mothers or matriarchs), I feel this (clumsily) speaks to a kind of different struggle. Aka the issue of wanting to express and enjoy sexuality freely but being faced with the prospect of interpersonal sexual violence, or people seeking to control said sexuality either out of protection or their own gain, the idea that you become seen as "evil" once u express ur sexual desires or become "tainted" by association with a man in a way that isn't a Socially Sanctioned way. It's clumsy, but it's real, and a lot of stories I see in this subject are grappling with this a lot. Esp for an era where many women do have a lot more freedom to pursue and find partners by choice than in ancient times, but the journey to that kind of happiness can be held up by such adverse experiences and subsequent emotional states/expectations.

I think my problem with a lot of romantic stuff, including this, that wants to balance these twin fantasies–one of being Very Powerful and Dangerous, but also of being Blameless and Good, are often kind of at odds and can result in some pretty Bad Storytelling that often ends up kind of trying to backtrack and do apologism for the Bad Actions in a way that just feels weak And noncommittal (if ur gonna be evil girl BE EVIL), and also kind of gets weird because The Protagonist, and the Couple(tm) must Always Be Good, and this cannot always be the case!!! In fact, it can make characters end up looking worse lol. Solomon's Crown does this too and that I am offended by for the same reasons!!!

Anyways, I haven't finished the whole comic, although I found a lot of the later arcs very intriguing although it took too fucking long to get to it because of the other problems that irritated me which consist of the following in no particular order:

THE VERY UNFUNNY HUMOR. I hated the jokes so much. I feel this is a problem with a lot of serials where they try to stay topical but boy I do not give a shit. That and when characters started speaking more like therapists, it brings the Drama to a screeching halt. And we are supposed to be HERE for drama!!! This is the main reason it always takes me so long to read like there will be an interesting serious scene and then the jokes will be so bad and deflating the impact. Sad!

Minthe. Treatment of her character left a bad taste in my mouth; last I left off I kind of liked more time spent on her, but in general i just felt really weird about the role her character played

Generally disinterested in all the other characters aside from the main couple. Perse is really fun and I feel there's the most "real" experience poured into her mixed with fantasy.

The opening episodes are indeed extremely off-putting to me so I don't blame people for not getting into it bc it starts off with some bro-y behavior that is corny. And it never quite feels "established" in its setting which is an issue to me with a lot of webtoons but for here especially it feels very like I said earlier like Teenybopper Inside Out. These characters are fantastical concepts, but only at times do they feel real as People

Anyways it's one of those things where I can genuinely see the charm in it--i can see exactly why it blew up how it did, but also like most webtoon it invites the most simplified types of comments ever where every single character has to be Good or Bad and if anyone does anything complex everyone throws a riot. So I don't doubt that the environment in which the story was produced affected the way that it is formatted and created. In this sense it's an interesting work to consider culturally and sociplogically. I think it is part of the greater conversation of why such works connect to people for greater or ill at all. Still, the Bad Jokes will keep me from probably having the true knowledge and I definitely will continue going my own way

(I do have a few AU concepts tho I'd like to think about sometimes....infeel like some aspects of the story I think a transmasc perse is interesting to think about, especially the whole weird definitions of the "fertility goddess" and "pure maiden" aspect, and the desire for LO!Apollo to want them to embody kind of an Ideal Wifepartner to gain power and prestige...more disturbing but also interesting implications and stakes to think about. canon LO I see seems to be about moving from maiden to the fertility goddess aspect but what if there were other identity avenues to be explored? Also I was thinking that a lot of the LO haters I get it we don't like cringe heteros that's fair but I know a lot of y'all r reading BL that use the EXACT SAME TROPES but even more corny and it's like.....sometimes humans crave corniness I get it. It would be too many layers of gender for the original to even be considering lmfao but since a lot of the story is about finding the Self and also facing resistance for it, I don't think it would be unthinkable....the fantasy worldbuilding going on is like ??? But sometimes it produces some stuff I think more deeply about)

[euporie-art]

Hellooo there!! I saw your blog description and I am a benbaro shipper who would like to interact with you please! My benbaro obsession has gotten well fed by wonderful artworks and correct thoughts such as yours (thank you!!) recently but I fear my obsession can never be completely sated...

So if you like, feel free to use this ask to express whatever is currently on your mind! Just ramblings or a headcanon or something about benbaro or Barok or Albert separately or TGAA in general that you have thoughts about; this is a free pass to let it out! I'm always curious about how my blorbos look in other people's eyes

OMG HI I have read all of your benbaro fics and they make me fucking AJDJFHWIJFKTOEMTK (a good thing) . I need to get hit by a car. I love them so much

prepare for a whole lot of fucking yap because I am insane about them so much. and I have no job so I kinda just stew them in my brain all day at the moment, among other tgaa pairings and characters

(i honestly very rarely fixate on ships within fandoms. but tgaa gave me 3 pairings I would die for. asoryuu, homumiko, and benbaro. they all make me insane I'm going to eat drywall)

I think about them a lot. I don't even know where to start.

so I'll go w some dumb headcanons. sprinkling in some pretty bad drawings.tbh (please ignore how inconsistent my art style is)

I think some time after tgaa2 he moves back to England and lives with barok, who obviously has more than enough money to spend on him, so Albert grows his hair out again (he has a very stupid hat/helmet thing he wears to protect his hair if he's working on something potentially dangerous)

First off I think Albert had long hair in university. most of the time when people draw him in uni he looks almost identical to his 2-3 design WHICH IS FAIR AND NOT BAD! but I have some thoughts of my own

pray forgive the discourtesy of this looking shit I drew it quite quickly. but. I think he had long hair in university and was a little more particular about his appearance. however i do think he had pretty bad acne in his late teens. the acne was just a hormonal teenager thing and cleared up by his 20s.

After moving abroad I think he cut his hair short because he had less time to look after it, and wanted to put any money he had towards funding his inventions, so he did pretty much the bare minimum when it came to looking after himself (I must clarify I do think that Albert is attractive, this is not me trying to "yassify" him. I have a soft spot for cute nerdy guys I'm dating one but he likes Elden ring instead of science)

because he's pretty much been alone for like. a decade. and basically just spoke in Law Words for half of that. I think barok is very direct and literal with how he speaks so he worries about not seeming "romantic" enough, so to compensate he's very physically affectionate and likes spoiling albert with nice food, gadgets and supplies for his inventions, and new clothes.

I think barok is extremely clingy once he gets used to having Albert around again. he's like a cat he'll just kind of bonk his head into him sometimes and sadly gaze at him until he gets attention. very cuddly and a bit melodramatic. I love characterisations of barok where he's really pathetic tbh. also him being shy is fun I enjoy it greatly

albert on the other hand I actually think he's the more bold/confident one (I hate when barok is portrayed as a dominant bad boy or whatever its so stupid he literally gets shy when his 10 year old niece invites him to dinner). albert talks baroks ear off about anything and everything, humours his clingyness, and drags him outside to have a life beyond his job and engage in whimsy and fun . he's also very verbally affectionate I think. he makes sure to try and help barok feel less alone, because I think he has lingering guilt for not being there during the professor bullshit and klints death. it may have been after he left England for Germany, and he didn't even know when it was happening, but i think he has a lingering, irrational guilt for not being there for barok at his worst hour

ALSO a lot of the time I see people drawing Albert talking a lot about science shit w barok listening happily, but I also think it goes the other way too! I think barok will rant about wine pairings and different types of grapes n shit. Albert stares at him lovestruck and adoringly the whole time. he has no idea what a pinot noir is (neither do I, I don't drink)

final thing or I will be here all fucking day: my boyfriend and I came up with a headcanon that barok has a really pathetic looking Italian greyhound named petunia, he likes dressing her up in little outfits. I think when albert starts living with him he starts calling petunia their daughter, and has the ability to make the exact same sad and pathetic expression as the dog

jk tiny bonus: I have a very dumb "100 years on" au stewing in my brain where everything is set in the 1980s and 1990s instead of 1880s and 1890s. in the 80s section, when barok and Albert are in university together, barok is a sulky and mopey trad goth and they listen to The Cure together. albert dresses normal and listens to talking heads i think. this is stupidly self indulgent because I like 80s fashion and clothing. I have not even thought about the 90s section because I don't want to 😊 (I HATE 90S FASHION.)

[letters-to-rosie]

for the fic writers ask (a bit late): 2, 3, 8, 9 and 41 please

it's not too late I like to talk lol

and I talked a lot so buckle in

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

my top 3 are "alternate universe - modern setting" (8/10), "alternate universe - college/university" (5/10), and "not beta read" (5/10, which is funny because 10/10 are not beta read lol)

and yeah, I can't say they don't represent me. when I was on ff.net I used a beta (my mom lmao) but now my grasp of English grammar is much better. I still miss stuff all the time (I found a word use error rereading something I'd published like a year and a half prior and wanted to scream lol), but it is what it is. even though I have professional editing credentials, it's really hard to edit your own stuff because your brain still fills in what it expects to see

re: modern setting and college setting, I started off my account publishing a couple college AU Fullmetal Alchemist one-shots; the only other college fic I had was my second prompt fill for the Arcane timebomb secret santa, where the prompt was to write in a modern setting. so that's all the college fics and 5/8 of the modern setting. another modern one is high school, since when I finished Arcane I felt a deep need to write Ekko in a high school setting because rarely had I felt so compelled by a single character. and the last two are the revolution universe, which is a funny story

idk how much I've mentioned this before, but the reason revolution is a modern setting is because I wanted to see if I could make an Ekko/Jinx roleswap work without the help of any of the story's magical elements. to restrict myself, I changed the setting. from there, developing modern Piltover/Zaun was just really fun. I took a lot of cues from the aforementioned high school setting fic I wrote and turned them up to 11. it has been and still is a fun ride, so I'm not mad about that choice at all

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

hmmmmmmm lol well line breaks! I like to make detailed little line breaks. some show up better on one platform than another (for example, the revolution telephone line breaks look WAY better on desktop imo), but I think they are cute

in terms of more trope-related things, I actually had a hard time for a moment. I went and looked at some fics of mine to try and find an answer

humor is one, for sure. big believer in laughing even on the worst day of your life. I think that's how I survived mine, and I think the characters I write about would be the same, finding something absurd or funny even when things are really bad

another one, I think, is attention to the mundane. I'm not a super detailed writer; purple prose isn't really my personal style. but I like writing about boring things. little things, you know?

the last one I'll bring up is setup and payoff. that's one of my personal favorite writing devices. I really enjoy putting the pieces in place and watching it all come together is always really satisfying. especially when combined with a focus on the mundane. like I have one story where Ekko's wearing a tie, and it matters.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

hmmmmm well I don't know if there are any I'd want to see just adapted straight into a fic, or nothing comes to mind directly. or maybe it's that the songs I am thinking of are more vibes than plot? well anyway, Willow's Symptom of Life is one I really like lately, as well as Sampha and Little Simz's Satellite Business 2.0, Kenny Mason's Firestarter (or Metal Wings tbh, or like the entirety of Angelic Hoodrat), and Isaiah Rashad's Headshots (4 Da Locals)

9. How do you find new fic to read?

scroll on a tag, or someone I know writes something and I go read it, and sometimes recs

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

honestly, I just want to write like myself, but the goal is to shoutout other people so I picked one from each other the fandoms I've read the most of on ao3

for Fullmetal, Swallows on the Beam is a long-time fave; the detail of the worldbuilding is really great, and I love the amount of thought put into a setting that isn't even seen in the canon material. the prose is just really lovely too. the author has done such an incredible job, and I need to go through and actually comment on all the chapters someday, but I have so much to say that I know it'll take me forever lol. but like how can a scene of a character touching another character's earring make me lose my shit? that is the magic of this fic lol. one of the most romantic things I have ever read

for Hunter x Hunter, I really love a thousand miles wandering; the Silk Road setting is just so unique! the prose is great, character work is great, setting is worked into the story in a great way. all feels like generic praise, but the whole thing is just so well-rounded in its excellence

for Arcane, my favorite has always been The Revolution Will Not Be Televised; just has such an infectious energy. it's fun, funny, and it takes this fantasy setting and makes it feel very real, which in turn helps the characters feel even more real than they do in the show, in some ways

[tamelee]

(Hope you don't mind I covered that first bit)

Well, regarding ai.. I had 4 long-running collaborations going which is something I completely depended upon. 1 of them I lost the second that popular ai generated program became public. 2 I lost because they found an app that they could use as a basis and then hired a different artist because "it was cheaper" as they only had to adjust some of their generated content (as it had mistakes) which (even though I needed the money) I absolutely refused to do. It's not art, nor mine. The last one I lost not too long ago and we were friends.. but the way a company/organisation generally talks about ai is heartbreaking as they just don't seem to care in the least about the ethical part of it all. And worse, they used the previous art I made for them to run through an ai program to try and get something new for free. It is insane to see where this is going tbh and trust me when I say that it is very discouraging and not easy to deal with.. I rarely talk about it but it genuinely sucks. What did we work so hard for all these years :/? I'm late to drawing and I thought I had no hope to learn it at all but I did it day and night sacrificing my health and social life because I loved it.. Now you're an "artist" if you can type a few words in a program.. There are people even here on Tumblr posting fanart openly and proudly admitting that it is ai and people still support it. So.. I get that people are cautious.. in a way it is because they care. Why else call it out? And I can't help but appreciate that. But when the doubt grows so much that they even get suspicious of people with a genuine art-journey (how to say this?) which, mine you can find in different places, then that certainly isn't fun :') But at this point I have no clue what to do about it.. Thankyou for liking my art Nonee 💕

[littlespoonevan]

I've followed you for a while (for gallavich actually but your buddie fics convinced me to finally watch 911!) and we've always been of the same mind about the likelihood of buddie happening in canon. But after Buck fell asleep on Eddie's couch and now all of 6x13, I now feel like it's inevitable that the show IS actually going to make it explicitly romantic. How're you feeling about canon buddie these days?

ahh hey bud!!! i'm honoured i was able to convince you to watch the show lmao 🥰

okay i'm gonna try and organise my thoughts bc my brain has been going in a lot of different directions these past few weeks. so. i don't think i'll ever be able to confidently say buddie canon is happening until we get a very deliberate Moment with either buck or eddie where it's clear something has changed for one of them.

by that, i mean i need another 'just make sure you're following your heart, not christopher's' eddie-face-journey-esque moment where eddie looks at buck or buck looks at eddie and we know (and by we, i mean the whooooole general audience, not just the fandom) they're looking at each other differently

and it's not that i think everything that's happening right now isn't deliberate, it's more just that it's not quite confirmation in the overt sense for me???? particularly as far as them being attracted to each other etc. (i know they love each other, i know they're a family but are there feelings, y'know)

however

there has been a lot happening in the past two episodes that's been making me go 👀👀👀

firstly. the couch. that fucking couch metaphor has me by the thROAT and has done since 6x01. and genuinely i cannot explain the narrative of 6x12 as anything other than proof that eddie is the couch. like. i have an english degree. i legitimately analyse texts for a living and there is no other way to interpret this whole thing other than the idea that the couch that buck has been quietly searching for all season (which is repeatedly conflated with a romantic partner and happiness), is eddie.

buck wants to pick the right couch. margaret chooses for him but it's Not Right. buck goes to eddie's and falls asleep on his couch in seconds before opening up to him and effectively highlighting to us that his safe space is at eddie's house. it's just???????????

(also the fact that oliver said the other couch will be gone by the end of the season my mind is sPINNING)

next. the buckley-diaz family of it all in 6x13. i've said a few times this week that this ep felt like a speedrun season 3 (i'm also currently rewatching s3 which i think is why it's on my brain). as in, we have buddie and chris paired off while the other couples have their own plot. we did have that quite a bit in s4 and 5, don't get me wrong, but it was rarely something that wasn't tied to an overarching plot like the shooting and eddie's subsequent breakdown. whereas these were fun scenes just because. so we had the season 3 dynamic back but there was so much more weight to it because of all that's changed since then.

there are plenty of posts about it but their family unit was emphasised A Lot in 6x13. both in the scene with chris' homework and the baking for chris' class scene. like it's heavily established in this ep that whether it's at buck's place or eddie's, the three of them spend their days together. and not in an organised, 'let's have a movie night' kind of way. as in, they exist in the same space together the way any couple and their child would and that's so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also the baking for christopher's class scene literally dO NOT get me started i can't believe they did that askjdfhsa

on a smaller scale, buck and eddie's dynamic had a very Particular energy about it in the poker scene. i don't necessarily wanna say flirty bc i legit haven't rewatched since i first saw it tuesday morning when i was barely awake but there was a sort of tension there that i'm very interested in tbh bc i don't think we've seen that in a long time??? also i'm soooo suspicious of captain mehta's re-emergence and how arbitrary the whole poker thing was in the first place @ 911 i have questions!!!!

finally. i can't quite articulate this yet. but something about the episode titles is making me very askdhfs

mixed feelings. performance anxiety. lost and found. love is in the air. it's just. like, yes every episode title has multiple meanings but also every episode title has a level of suggestiveness that has me paying attention. lost and found bc of the tsunami connotations and chris asking buck in his dream if he can help him find his dad. and love is in the air bc it's giving me buck actually vibes and we all know i fully believe buck actually is where buck's story post-abby really begins and i will clutch at every romcom coded metaphor this show throws at me askjdh

TL;DR at this point i think we're going somewhere. like, i feel as though we're on the precipice of something and all it would take is one tiny moment to fully tip us over the edge. if and when that moment comes, i can't say for sure but gOD i'd love it if it did ✨

[all-inmoderation]

"About the Blogger" Meme

thanks for tagging me <3 @razielim

Star Sign(s): Gemini sun (Libra moon, Libra rising)

Favorite Holidays: Eid, and my birthday hehe

Last Meal: Cereal

Current Favorite Musician: Well, Kendrick Lamar was in my top artists for spotify wrapped this year because I listened to his latest album a lot, so I guess him

Last Music Listened To: First Person Shooter by Drake ft. Jcole lol

Last Movie Watched: omg I watched the movie Nimona and loved it! and before that I was obsessed with Across the Spiderverse for months.

Last TV Show Watched: Just started watching Blue Eye Samurai. its soooooo gooddd. and before that I watched Arcane (i'm late) and I also loved that. and before before that I watched The Bear (wow thats a lot of shows in a short period of time i dont usually even have the stamina to watch shows ngl). Has anyone noticed that Caitlyn Kiramman and Mizu look very similar ? lol

Last Book/Fic Finished: omg THE sydcarmy fic "Fundamentals for the Fun and the Mental" by @bioloyg

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: damn idk, maybe the academic books I have to read for my intro to islam class. those thangs are hefty im not reading more than what is assigned

Currently Reading: Islamic Feminism in Iran by Fereshteh Ahmadi. it's research for my final paper in the intro to islam class. very interesting and enlightening tbh

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: see above. my topic for the paper looks at how iranian muslim women have reconciled with their religion as it was being used against them pre and post-revolution. there's a lotttt of material out there on the topic. despite what we've been led to believe in western culture, my professor stresses that iran is actually the most secular country in the world. and when you look into the history you can clearly see why that is.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: meeting my friends during the atla renaissance <3

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: the atla fandom was/is so obnoxious but in its height in 2020 it was fun seeing a really rich meta appear on the dash for every 5 dumb opinions. everybody was making gifsets and art and fics and it was so much fun. now its slowed down a bit and the only parts of fandom still kind of active are the shippers lol

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: more like a fandom within a fandom- im glad that the "zukaang" ship stayed pretty niche within the atla fandom. like it wasn't so tiny but we stayed in our own spaces (and rlly won the idgaf war when it came to the hate) and it was just full of mature wonderful people writing THE best meta and fics and just genuinely enjoying the show, which was rare in the fandom (ironically enough)

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: so many. i have so many ideas and fics that cross my mind whenever i watch something new but i never have time for them :(. i started a spiderverse miles x miles42 fic and never got to finish it :(((. maybe after finals 🤞

Tagging: @squippy-lemonwhore @enosimania @thefudge @currymanganese @thinkingisadangerouspastime @catty-words @bioloyg @praetorqueenreyna @lady-tortilla-chip @irresistible-revolution @donkeylauncher @unseemingowl as well as ANYONE ELSE who wants to.

[flufflepuff-reads]

Oɳƈҽ υρσɳ α Ⴆɾσƙҽɳ ԋҽαɾƚ (Spoiler Free Review)

Aυƚԋσɾ: Stephanie Garber Rҽʅҽαʂҽ: 28th September 2021 Gҽɳɾҽ: Fantasy, Romance Rαƚιɳɠ: 4 stars

“𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝𝐲. 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.”

Pɾҽɱιʂҽ:

Heartbroken Evangeline Fox strikes a deal with a fate, the prince of hearts, to stop her true love from marrying someone else. She is convinced that her boyfriend Luc was cursed into marrying her step-sister. However she greatly underestimates the contents of her deal with the prince of hearts.

“𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞.”

Rҽʋιҽɯ:

Sadly I was unaware that OUABH is a spin off series to Stephanie Garber's Caraval series and thus I am missing a load of world building, which made it a really confusing read for me. It felt hard to picture the scenery and feel of the world, however that is most likely my fault.

This book is a really fun and fast-paced read. The story relies heavily on both using and simultaniously subverting typical fairytale tropes, which made it really interesting. It can become rather sappy and the characters feel dull at times but in the end I still enjoyed it a lot.

I know some people dislike our main character for being so very naive, but I don't mind at all, because I do not think it is overdone. Yes Evangeline does naive things and has a naive outlook on love itself, but it doesn't hinder her in this story to an annoying degree. She was born to people who had a fairytale type of love and so that is what she seeks, and she does realize that it is not as easy as she has always thought and that she also makes mistakes. Yes Evangeline is in a lot of ways the stereotypical fairytale girl, but she doesn't just get strung along by the happenings of her world, she thinks, she strategises and she acts. She is what truly impacts the storyline. "But Tara, she's literally the main character." Yes! But sadly, in these types of books, it is often rare. We get female main characters that basically don't do anything other than look pretty all of the time, and I am glad Evangeline does not do that.

The supporting characters however fell flat a bunch of times, other than Jacks and Marisol I could not care less... ( I loved Marisol, I don't know why but I was OBSESSED with her while reading the book)

There is one scene near the end of the book that gets a teeny tiny bit spicy, so just in case that bothers you, it might not be for you. But although I don't like spice in my books at all tbh I didn't really mind it this time (I don't know if it gets more in the future books of the series).

Overall I think if I had read Caraval previously the book would have been a lot more coherent to me, the world building felt very patchy at times, because it was just SO MUCH cramped in one world. But like I said I enjoyed it, I like our main characters, I like the writing style and I'm excited to see where it goes!

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Journal pages:

[a-side-of-agere]

☆ Regressor Doppio Dropscythe Headcanons ☆

Here are some of my personal hc's when it comes to him being an age regressor! Thought of these as I was working on his moodboard and just thinking of them makes me happy ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)

(Note: While these are headcanons I have for him as a regressor, that does not mean I don't/can't see him as a caregiver! Lots if not all characters tbh I don't ever really think too strictly as an "age regressor" or as a "caregiver" only. I tend to just think of them as well... them, and depending on if I'm thinking of them from the lens of being an age regressor, caregiver, or flip I adjust accordingly. Like for example, while I have done multiple things with Doppio as a regressor, the first time I thought of him in terms of agere related things was actually as a cg in a personal secret fic idea (which I loved and still love and need to write but I'm so rusty orz).

Anyways, onto the headcanons!

- Personally I would say that 95% of the time when Doppio regresses he's in the little kid range of 4-6! (though more often then not he's in the upper ages of 5-6)

- Energetic. So energetic. Way too energetic depending on who you ask. Doppio is always moving around when he's regressed. Whether it be simply tapping his hands on a table or running mach speed through a playground, something is always in motion.

- This is probably why one of Doppios favorite activities to do when regressed is to go out to parks and other high energy places like arcades, trampoline parks, etc. Places where he can be free to be active and have fun (and burn off some energy in the process)! I like to think that playgrounds (whether indoor or outdoor) even become a bit of a subtle positive trigger for his headspace.

- Has a very active imagination when regressed. Shouldn't be a surprise with how active his brain and imagination is when big as well. Playing pretend, acting, telling stories are all along Doppio's alley.

- He also enjoys drawing, but definitely prefers doing more "arts and crafts" type of art! Especially if it includes glue :D

- He has two specific plush toys that he especially loves when regressed and are his best friends. A black wolf plush and a small chick plush. Definitely comfort items that work on both big and regressed Doppio and are for SURE helpful to have when caring for him.

- Earlier I said 95% of the time he regresses between 4-6, and that's cause 5% of the time, usually if only ever when he feels really sick, exhausted, and/or due to really negative emotions, he instead slips way younger, usually to baby age of <1 to maybe 1 and a 1/2 maximum.

- While not always, due to the usual circumstances in which he tends to slip this young its more often then not involuntary, and sometimes acts more along the lines of vent/upset regression. Expect lots of tears, whimpers, clinginess, fussiness, and maybe even a couple flailing fits.

- Other than that, the activities of baby Doppio aren't usually much more than sleep, sleep, and more sleep. Not a lot of movement, nor lots of noise or activity. Just a very tired 'eepy baby.

- His really young headspace is very rare to come by for others, even within his close circle. Not only from circumstance but also because Doppio feels a little more embarrassed with it compared to his usual regression due to how "out of character" it is for him. In his words as he puts it, being "super lame and uncool".

- Despite his worries, his friends never mind. Xsoleil especially, no matter if he is regressed or not, will always be happy to take care of one of their own <3

[softpine]

do you think that if some day, somewhere in the great elsewhere, you and Asa met again... would he be upset with you?

tbh, as long as he finds finn i don't think he'd have it in his heart to be mad at me. he has a one track mind right now so he's not processing anything that happened, but when his life calms down again and he has time to think it over, i believe he'll come to the conclusion that the decisions he makes are still his own. and if you really think about it...... they ARE. because it's not like i would ever make the same decisions as my characters do. that's why i write!! to explore lives i'll never live, places i'll never visit, people i'll never meet, choices i'll never make. even though i'm technically the one producing these situations whereby asa is forced to make decisions, where do those ideas come from?? it's rare that i ever sit down and THINK about what comes next in the story. it's more like the story has always existed, it just reveals itself in bits and pieces and it's my job to fit them all together coherently. man sometimes i literally flip a coin to decide what happens next fjkjsds so even if i'm playing god in this little frozen pines universe, there's still an element of fate involved. not to mention the things that happen in my real life which affect the story in ways i can't predict. like remember when caroline was supposed to get ARRESTED for drug trafficking but i accidentally triggered myself so bad i decided to retcon it and say it was all a dream? 😭 this story is not even mine, i'm being taken for a ride just as much as asa or any of the characters lmao

sorry that was a wild stream of consciousness, but this is what i mean when i say that asa would find these philosophical discussions interesting rather than stressful. so no, i don't think he would be upset with me. i think he'd just be really curious! sadly he'll never get the answers to any questions he may have, because i've already decided i'm not putting myself in the story again. i just wanted to have some fun and i saw the opportunity to make it canon so i had to go for it :P

[nyoomzz]

Thanks for answering my ask about why I suddenly love BL and GL more than het romance....I'm grateful to know that there is someone who also knew how I feel....

Do you mind if I ask your top 5 (or top 7) favorite BL and your top 3 (or top 5) favorite GL? And why do you love them? Sorry if you already answered them....Thanks again....

hiii no problem! sorry this took a while to answer im always bad at choosing top picks so this time i just went with my favorites that i consider still haven't seen talked about that much :D

(the titles with a star next to it are mature themes and/or has nsfw scenes, please don't read them if you're still below 18 years old)

yuri:

- *tsukiatte agete mo ii ka na (how do we relationship): i love how simply candid and honest it is at portraying messy relationships between not-quite-adults doing their best to grow. i really enjoy where the story is going because it's something you rarely see in manga!

- ohana holoholo: i wish there's more family-themed gl but im always happy we have this! it's painfully sincere and i love how we dive in into their lifes and see how they're involved with the bigger cast of characters

- shoujo manga protagonist x rival-san: a bit more of a lighthearted comedy, taking the standard trope of shoujo protagonist vs the love rival and putting a silly sapphic spin on it which is something that i absolutely need. its cute moments really shine through!

- yuri de naru ❤️ espoir (yuri espoir): my beloved that i can never shut up about. the cute artstyle takes you in a fun spin on meta commentary of yuri tropes only to slowly reveal that things might not be as sweet and happy as it seems... no one is doing it like them

- yuri to koe to kazo matoi: revolving around the feelings of women finding their place in the world, chasing for what they truly want. this is a bit of a spoiler but it centers around characters in the aromantic and asexual spectrum which makes it even more special to me!

bl:

- *iki dekinai no wa kimi no sei (breathless momentum): i love everything from the premise to how they grow to care about each other, it's hilarious and cute and their dynamic will always remain one of my favorites ever

- *tabun kore kara ai no hibi: the main theme about the joy and pain of creating just resonates so hard, the main characters' struggle portrays it very well and seeing the growth really made me happy!

- tonari ni: natsume ono's paneling and writing is just so special, there's this somber quality to it that absolutely draws me in. it complements very well the quiet yearning in the story

- *tenjite koi to iki: tbh this is just an excuse to talk about hayane dento's works, i always have a hard time choosing a favorite because they all have such great writing! i think about this one the most because of how melancholic it was paired with their beautiful storytelling

- boku no papa to papa no hanashi: ive read a lot of family-themed bl but this will always take the cake! the love this little family have for each other and how they grow together will always get to me

- *link and ring: just an absolutely loving relationship, you can see how much the main couple cares for each other it's just so sweet to read!

- achira kochira bokura: more slice of life than bl really and that's why it's so dear to me, it's a very natural depiction of two boys with opposite natures slowly being part of each other's lives. there's a sequel too!

[cherienymphe]

Hey so I’m the anon who sent that tone deaf message yesterday about not reading WTPO and I just wanted to apologize to you for that as well as anyone who was offended, specifically POC. I didn’t realize how ignorant I was coming off as and like that one person said I didn’t have bad intentions but neither of those things are an excuse. You guys have gotten so used to authors writing their stories with a white person and white readers in mind that it’s second nature to just ignore it and the fact that I rarely ever have to do so has made me realize my privilege. My thought process behind it was less of me being uncomfortable with reading a story that was written with a black person in mind and more of me feeling like you guys deserve to have something to yourselves but I think that makes even less sense and is maybe just worse. I also apologize for the second message I sent where I tried defending myself because I was lowkey attacking you which was just… bad, for a lack of a better word. This situation has just made me reflect on my personality as a whole so I guess that’s the one good outcome cuz I probably need to make some changes. Again I’m very sorry

As I said before, the mindset confused me more than anything else. While I can better understand wanting black readers to have something to ourselves, I'm just not that kind of blog where I'll discourage someone from reading something I wrote based off of that or make them think they can't read it and that's where most of the confusion really stemmed from because I've never put that kind of sentiment out there.

And yeah the fact that I've had to use a bit more of my imagination several times with fics in the past really does just make it seem second nature to me to do so, so when confronted with someone who doesn't it's just kind of a huh moment. I don't even think I took your second message as blaming me so you really don't have to worry about that tbh 😭 you're not the only white reader of mine to bring this up so don't feel too bad but I felt like I finally needed to get it out that this isn't really something black writers enjoy hearing. Especially those of us who encourage everyone to join in on the fun

[neowinestainedress]

Hello! Inferno girly here.

I was actually talking about a whole new fic. The idea of ghost face woke something in me to be honest cuz honestly I haven't seen many of them and they're something rare for me beside the usual omega verse fics (no offence to those, I love them but I feel like they're so many and a little bit overrated)

I thought about the ghost face to be only a costume and for the break-in plot to be only their way to hide their identity (I have a problem when men have something on their face while doing it(especially those nerdy glasses🛐) ) and for the party party yea plot it can be a costume but also to be their personality like in that one inferno fic where they are different creatures at a party (sorry I forgot the name😔)

You can take your sweet time, don't have to rush this ill be glad to read it even at the middle of next summer if it's written by you really

Thank you for the Ao3 thingy, I'll definitely work on it since tumblr is getting a little bit boring (no offence tumblr, I still love you). I'm in this fan fiction world since wattpad was popular, I even paid for wattpad plus, but Ao3 was my least favourite tbh but I'll try to do something on that side.

I really appreciate you and your works. Love you sm🩷 Fighting!!🙋🏻‍♀️

love that you’re the inferno girly now shdjjd

okay so i got it right, i just wanted to make sure. i think they’re popular in other fandoms but not in the nct one which was so weird for me because you can come up with so many combination of them it’s such a fun concept for this season but i haven’t seen any, at least on tumblr 😭 (i have mixed feelings with omegaverse that’s why this one i have in mind would be the first one i do)

my brain is already imagining thing. like imagine if she decided to stay at home after they repeatedly asked her to go to a party (an halloween one if i can do it in time or just a party) and so they decide to break-in with the costume on. since it’s two of them i can’t make it something discussed before but they do it because they saw something on her internet search or she confessed a kink while drunk and so they decide to bring the fantasy to live and there would be so much teasing once she finds out who’s under the mask. (don’t worry here it’s a safe space i have a problem with it too (and i agree with the glasses too)) okay but now that you talked about glasses idk why i thought about jisung 😭 maybe he could be the shy friend who would never do something like this but jeno (or someone else idk) convinces him that it’s fine and the mc will be fine with it??? (i’m always afraid nerdy, shy jisung is an overdone trope but it seems like a fun idea here). yeah surely not killers but maybe they’re both a little possessive over the mc in their own ways. (don’t worry, i got it anyway, it’s sweet deception)

thank you, let’s hope i can come up with something good!

same, i started on wattpad (tbh i was also on two other sites, one is italian and i don’t remember the name of the other) but tumblr has been my favorite for the last few years before it started sabotaging me*, posting a fic it’s like a battle and i’m tired to do it everytime. ao3 doesn’t have an algorithm but for me it’s paradise because if you search for something you WILL find it. the only tags you can use here are the basic smut, fluff and angst one. i wanted to make a post to try to explain how ao3 works but then i never did. anyway here’s an useful link with the main answer about how it works and how to navigate the site, maybe it will help!

thank you for the support! love you 🩷

* i don’t think tumblr has problems with ME but post don’t show up in the tags, the whole label thing, links break the post most of the time, i just generally feel like it’s dying and i know i’m not the only one who thinks that, especially artists and writers are running away from here

[domesticated-whores]

sent a rather fun message to that man that would make a worse person very argumentative, hopefully he isn't. he's given me no reason to believe he will be, honestly he's not the very best at communicating (though neither am I) but he's responded well when I do. but he's also been online since I've sent it, has probably seen it from his notifications without actually opening it, and I'm not fully sure if I'll be getting an answer. again, no reason to feel that way, he's answered all of my other messages that were similar communicatey messages.

but I basically asked him if he talks about me with his friend (our mutual work friend, his outside of work friend) because said friend has been real comfy telling everyone at work that me and my man are a thing (which I don't mind, by the way <3) while I've been nervous about whether or not I can openly say me and my guy are together or not (past relationship issue that I need to internally resolve + slight lack of open communication) and have just been calling him "the guy I've kinda been talking to or whatever" if I have to bring him up even tho I could just say his name and everyone at work knows who he is. like, friend was talking about how he was surprised that someone didn't know that me and my man were a thing and also how he basically set me and my man up. which I believe, I already know he and my man talk about me at least a bit, basically the day after my man told me he liked me friend instantly came up to me like "yeah, lol, happy for you two, it was some middle school ass shit, I had to hype him up and proofread what he sent you" and when I came in today he said something about how he was telling my man how fucking pathetic I looked yesterday when I had my little meltdown (well, he said that he felt so fucking bad for me because I was so not doing well and such, not that I was pathetic, but I know I looked pathetic and I'm saying it in a neutral way), but I just want to know if him being open about me and my man being a thing and kind of treating me in a very "that's my friend's girl, so she's cool" type of way rather than the "kind of work friends" way since then is just a him thing or if it's because of how my man is portraying it when they talk outside of work.

again, I think this is just a huge lack of communication somewhere. either friend is just assuming and making shit sound like more than it is, or my man isn't telling me how he feels about things but he's mentioned something to friend. and the latter I wouldn't fault or be surprised by, honestly. I've told my man that I need more communication than the average person might because of trauma and mental disability/illnesses all making me struggle with that, he's told me that it's kinda hard for him to be all that good with vulnerable affection kinda shit because of past relationship (and I assume just being a man that hasn't really needed to unpack all that, tbh). it would not shock me at fucking all if he was comfier talking to friend about when I stay over (not in depth, just in passing mentioning rewatching a show because I'd never seen it and I was at his place or whatever) and being open about the fact that we've been hanging out when he's with his friends than asking me about labels or being verbally affectionate with me. it just does seem to be a thing that friend talks about openly regardless of who's around, and almost no one has been surprised thus far despite the fact that me and my man don't even interact at work ever unless we're both in the same group conversation with friend. so it's a pretty open thing despite me really rarely talking about it, apparently.

[stepswowdsen]

KagePro x Magi: Art Idea Crossover

Ok I'm just gonna cross post my Insta notes here 👍

I don't have the time to draw it rn but ngl it'd be fun to draw Magi charas in KagePro charas' daze MV outfits.

JuAliHaku take KonoShinEne's outfits by colour coding

The idea just came to me. Judar splashes buckets of red paint at Alibaba to pester him <3

RBY OT3/Poly ❤️💙💛

C: Ohhh coool!!

Me: I hadn't thought of it before since I usually deal with my multiships in separate AUs but KonoShinEne could be an interesting poly/OT3 tbh. And KuroShinEne too tbh... Ene teases Shintaro (and gets Kuroha to join in), and Kuroha teases both of them. Shintaro gets Kuroha to fluster Ene.

Time to combine my niche interests LMFAO

This is a crossover that'd only appeal to like. Me and 10 people (my mutuals/friends) but it'd be fun~~ I'm doing it for personal enjoyment and self-indulgence most of all <3

Daze MV (Original JP Version)

Daze MV (English Subs)

Daze MV screenshots

(Mekakushi Dan members No. 6, No. 7, and No. 9)

I love Ene teasing Shintaro in the daze MV, Ene grinning (hanging upside down) while Konoha appears on screen, and Konoha looking in Ene's direction~~

As you all know...

JuAli is my main Magi ship~ I also enjoy ships like AliHaku, SinJa, KouMor and others on the side ^^

KuroEne is my main KagePro ship (cuz I'm insane) and I'm a HaruTaka/KonoEne/KuroEne main. I also like other ships and multiships on the side ^^

KuroEne is basically a rare pair that KagePro's EA/JP fandom invented cuz they big brained seeing how they could tie it to the HaruTaka and KonoEne ships, which are interconnected with each other (which is the reason for why I ship it too)

KuroEne is a very niche pair for if you're a Kuroha fan (villain enjoyer) and have Ene as your wife/one of your fave charas (which is the case for me). Kuroha is my fave KagePro chara/meow meow mf, and Ene is my KagePro wife.

Shintaro and Ene's friendship is everything to me. Their dynamic is so important to me, but I don't mind them as platonic or as a ship since they have interesting character parallels.

Me: You know the part during the 2nd chorus of daze (2:00 - 2:22) where it flashes the Mekakushi Dan members' deaths in their silhouettes (how they came into contact with the Kagerou Daze) and Kuroha/Saeru's lil Outer Science bit

OH I forgot to show the flashes during the 2nd chorus of KagePro's daze MV. Here

Daze MV: Mekakushi Dan Member (2nd Chorus) Segments

Shintaro's silhouette shows Route XX Shintaro's suicide by scissor stab wounds

Kuroha/Saeru's lil Outer Science esque bit shows flashes of him after Marry and Seto's segments

Konoha's silhouette shows Haruka surrounded by IVs in a hospital bed (Haruka's death led to the creation of Konoha)

Ene's silhouette shows Takane (her human self) trying to reach for Haruka, her classmate, friend, and the person she loved (Takane's death caused her to lose her human body and become a pseudo immortal cyber girl. In this form, she goes by the name "Ene")

C: Interesting!

The aesthetic is cool

Me: Sidu has such amazing MVs for KagePro. I love their colours, attention to detail, animations, typography and transition effects sm

These all flash by so quickly you need to pause to see all of these but I love Sidu's attention to detail 💖 It does this for all the Mekakushi Dan members.

C: Very valid yes

Ooo I see

Me: Yeah!!! I think Sidu's art style has a level of maturity for it that's perfect for darker themed arts/artworks

Their current art style has settled into using soft shading/rendering and more muted desaturated tones

(Magi: Ch. 38 - 95 - 132)

Ch. 132

Ch. 95

Ch. 38

Would be interesting to draw baby Judar in hanfu sitting on a throne, kid Alibaba playing with Cassim, and kid Hakuryuu in the fire, in their silhouettes

I love Ohtaka's inking and how sketchy Sidu's art style is… Sidu's art style is SO nice. A daze crossover would be sooo cool~

C: Interesting!

Cool :3

Me: My only dentriment is that I'm terrible at drawing kids tho

I usually draw charas who are adults or young adults so I need to learn how to draw younger teens and kids WHDHSHDSH

[foggyparadisecandy]

[Trauma dumping - scroll on by if you are looking for horny stuff]

I know, I know ... another one. I'm just purging it out as fast as I can. Catharsis in a public blog. Why not?

This one in particular is written for my ex-partner even though I know she won't read it. I just have to play pretend to feel remotely good about things.

Hey D - I want to start off and say that I love you, I care about you, and I forgive you for anything and everything. Please remember that you can always reach back out to me.

Yeah, what you did was pretty shitty tbh. But ... it's ok. I mean ... yeah ... do better. Good people do shitty things on occasion and IDK.

Maybe I'm way off base but everything points to a horrible trauma response. I could be wrong. I don't think so though.

Either way, who gives a shit at this point. I forgive you and the point of this letter is to ask that you don't use your treatment of me or us to beat yourself up.

It hurt. It still hurts. It probably will hurt for awhile but I'm going to come back stronger than I was before so, in the end, it will be a net positive for me. Except for losing you. That ... really ... is awful tbh.

I've told you how much you brightened my life in other letters so I'm moving past that one here. Let's talk about me for a moment and where I'm at and where I'm heading so you can feel like "hey ... Foggy is going to be ok ... I didn't permanently harm him and it seems like he's actually doing well."

And let's really quiet that subconscious that makes you want to feel bad - at least on this particular issue. It's all going to be better than fine for me in the end. I know that and you should feel ok about me.

I've made a lot of new friends who have been very kind and accommodating to my pain. You know I'm a curious dude and it's been very interesting to hear so many stories from other people. Love it.

I've reconnected with some old friends - online and in RL. I've got a pretty full social calendar these days which is a first in ... a loooong time. Pretty ironic considering how much I was always telling you to build connections and my own were thin.

I've started working out. It's only been 7 weeks and I'm doing pretty freaking good tbh. I started doing pushups and planks every time I thought of you but ... that got exhausting fast ... you are always on my mind lol. So I cut back to 30 minutes per day.

I've had it out with my wife about everything. Well ... not exactly everything but most things. I'm not sure where that goes but I know I don't want to go back to a boring status quo situation. You opened my eyes to a new way to exist and I want more, not less. It'll be ok either way - I know that for sure.

I've lost 8 pounds in 7 weeks. This one isn't really a blessing lol. I couldn't eat or hold food down for the first five weeks. Only really started eating again recently. But it is what it is. I wasn't heavy at all but I'm happier thinner so ... a win?

I've ... mostly ... started to be able to sleep through the nights again. For the longest time, the most I could sleep was 3 or 4 hours then wake and could not drift back off. I still ... am struggling ... a bit. Woke up the other morning at 4 am crying. That wasn't fun. But it's rare lately and I'm guessing will be gone soon enough. Not sure if this is a win or if it's me just feeling sorry for myself. I'm guessing the latter but I'm leaving it in here because it *is* better than it was early on so it's progress.

I've started therapy to figure out why I chase after helping others (mostly women) to fill the sad little hole in my soul. Actually ... I already know why. You know all the shit with my mom and ... yeah ... I'm working on it. Trying to get healthy for the first time since I was a ten year old kid. Kind of silly that it took you breaking up with me for me to figure this stuff out. It is really breaking me down to realize my life since ten has been so fucked up with trauma. Can you imagine not clearing your trauma away for that long? Can you imagine that? I hope not. Did you get that hint? I hope so.

I've refocused on work for the first time in a decade. I've set some huge fucking goals. I want to hit it big and I've given my team through the end of next year. I'm going to do it and then I'm going to fuck off from work and shift my priorities to something else - something more fulfilling. It's still to early but I want to take some of those self-improvement things we did together and do something with them for others. I'm using them on myself so I can see how they work and where they need to be fine-tuned. We'll see how it all goes.

I'm trying to figure out what makes me genuinely happy. All of my belief systems have been shattered tbh. I ... don't know yet if that's bad or good or just is what it is. I don't know anything atm about love or happiness or fulfillment or ... anything. I'm still more than a bit lost. You untethered me from everything I knew about myself. I'm not saying this is a bad thing ... I'm saying ... I don't know what comes next. Knowing me, it's going to be fucking great and better than it was. I've always been pretty good at solving problems and making great things happen for myself and those around me (as you know).

I'm doing my best to be kind to myself. I am not sure when the last time I was kind to myself was. I honestly can't remember when I've had a decent thing to say about myself. It's always been "do better" "be better" stuff. I'm working on it as fast as I can. Beating yourself up is an awful way to live. Not sure why I need your splitting on me to figure that out.

I have realized ... despite everything ... I am a good and decent and kind person. I lost sight of that for a hot minute there. I'm not perfect. Hah. Nope. But I do the best I can and I am quick to take steps to change up when I know I've fucked up. But yeah ... I'm good and decent and kind. I know those things now better than I ever have.

And ... you are good too. I know it deep down in my soul.

I see it in you. You are not your father. Far from it.

And you didn't permanently hurt me here. Lots of good will come from this. Believe it. Thank you for everything.

And I believe good things will happen for you. I have full faith in you.

I am no longer in a position to tell you what to do but ... please work on your trauma. For your own sake. And find a new path in life. I know you feel like your current job is your life but ... that job will bring you nothing but misery and sorrow and trauma and damage.

You deserve better. You know that. Deep down, you know everything we shared showed you a different path.

You deserve far better.

You might need to go through some pain to get on a new path but I know who you are. I know you are a fighter and know how to get shit done. You can and will do it. Start planning. Start doing.

And legit ... I'm still here and willing to boost you along in life.

I've always wanted one thing: to see you reach your full potential. It's amazing. The world is waiting to see it.

One final thing that I have discovered and honestly I feel really good about this one - even if you never reach out again:

I love you sincerely and wish nothing but the best.