#don't come at me for being rude either; I was being rather nice considering you wanted to what? accuse me of faking?

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

you don't really have a migraine if you can get on Tumblr lmao

This might be one of my strangest anons yet... Are you really trying to fucking gatekeep or police the symptoms of a neurological disorder?

I'm pretty sure I know what I can and can't tolerate when I'm dealing with a migraine, asshole. Some of my first were as early as elementary school. I'm now in my mid-twenties and by this point have been dealing with them chronically for several years.

Every migraineur is different, as is every migraine.

While some will have such severe symptoms that even the slightest smell, light or sound makes the pain they are experiencing worse, that is not the case for every sufferer, every time.

Go be weird somewhere else.

[audisive]

♪ BROOKLYN BABY. (💌) – previous part

౨ৎ simon 'ghost' riley | reader

synopsis: the 141 believes the scot now.

tags: fluff, romance, soft!simon, you're basically their mom atp lol, bickering, there's a bet between gaz n soap, gaz secretly wants you shh, ooc characters, not proofread, price being the gentleman he is, he's seriously just watching everything unfold

       It's not always that Ghost is willing to let the 141 stay at his house for their traditions – which is just drinking beer and watching sports, really. In fact, he's always said something about his place being empty, so they always settled on someone else's. They stop asking after a year, and in turn, he stops having reasons.

It's not until Soap pops the question again when everyone else's houses are unavailable for a variety of reasons, his being that he left his faucet on and now his shitty apartment is flooded. You can only imagine the suspicion and shock when Ghost agrees (or, rather, simply grunts).

The drive is long, nothing short of 5 hours, and Soap spends the better half of it bickering with either Gaz or Ghost. He falls asleep by the next half, and when he awakes, he gawks at the lovely looking house before their car. There's two stories to it, a balcony, a front porch, and there's no doubt that there's a backyard.

Contrary to popular belief, no, it is not all black or plain at all. It's all equally surprising to them. The Brit isn't the type to care about the appearance and state of a house, usually. They do envision him in a mostly empty apartment with only a bed and a bathroom, though.

There's a delicate touch to where a rough man lives; the smell is almost heavenly when they enter the house. It's homely, the scent of newly washed sheets and lingering smell of food; there's a cat perched on the living room table that Ghost scratches the head of lovingly in a way that's so casual and natural. It's like they're at the gates of–

"Simon!" Heaven's bells ring in their ears, luring them into the doorway of the living room, and the sound of feet padding against the cold floor. There comes a soft-looking thing running into Ghost's arms, completely engulfing you.

You only notice the three familiar faces of your boyfriend's team members – though you know he considers them family if anything – when you pull away. An angel clad in only a cami top, shorts, and Simon's hand around your waist, you turn to look at the group with a surprised look on your pretty – Soap thinks that God, you're so pretty – face. "Oh, hi," you smile sweetly, obviously awkward at the silence and the staring.

"It's been a while," Ever the gentleman, the gruff voice is the first to speak up with your name uttered, the only who's actually met you – John Price. Soap is too enamored with the way you hold yourself and the fact that, holy fuck, even your name's pretty. Gaz raises a brow at the captain's greeting.

You smile once more – a genuine one now. "Nice to see you again, John."

"'S rude to stare, Johnny." Simon speaks out, a smirk under the mask. "Please excuse him, miss," Gaz adds, this beautiful man, and offers a charming smile.

"You must be Gaz," you hold your hand out, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Pleasure's all mine," Kyle forgets that a hand could be this soft and gentle, "and please, call me Kyle." He barely stops himself from turning your hand in his to kiss the back of it like one should to a lady so fair; his lieutenant has good taste in women, he'll give him that. And when you're out of the area, Soap is sure to rub it in Gaz's face. I told ye so! LT wis hidin' somethin' from us. A pretty something, that is. You don't miss the way he slips a twenty-dollar bill into the Scottish man's hand.

"Glad tae meet ye," Soap finally says, winking. "Understand why he wis hidin' a bonnie lass like ye from us." There's a mischievous glint in his eye, almost naturally so.

"A'm hurt, LT, but whit can I do? After all, we're just a couple o' brutes, arenae we?"

Simon watches in amusement, "you'll live." Soap is quick to move to your side as you lead the small group of hulking men through your shared home after that.

Simon is visibly more relaxed with you around. He's comfortable, that much is a given, with the way he's taking up most of the thankfully large couch with his manspreading. So is the 141. They're pampered like spoiled children (or pets, really) through the whole day.

Instead of just beer and faucet water, they're offered a variety of drinks in the kitchen that's enough to be considered a private bar. Instead of an empty belly unhealthily stuffed with beer and a mix of mediocre takeout, they're met with warm homecooked meals. They lose track of time quickly; the night falls by the time they've tired themselves out, and they've had not one, but two meals thanks to you.

(They're sure to commend your cooking skills and think of how lucky this tall brute of a man is blessed with a woman so soft and pliant and wonderful and– while Price is the one to be the most grateful, Soap compliments you the most. "A can practically taste the love." You laugh in turn.)

Gaz is the first to speak after a meal so lovely, they could simply just sleep on the floor comfortably and wake to the same smell of home. "It's a bit late, love, we should probably go."

"Thank you for having us," Price smiles down at you kindly.

"Ye've been lovely, bonnie." He wants to stay some more.

"Wait," you stop them, looking up at Simon for further approval. He's already looking at you with a reassuring brush of his thumb on the side of your hip and a nod. You turn your eyes back at them. "It's already late, you three should stay the night. We have enough room for everyone."

There comes, "we don't wanna intrude," then, "we can take care of ourselves, it's alright."

"Please, I insist." Your smile brightens, "I'll even cook breakfast before you leave."

The mohawk moves with a sigh, "now tha's just no' fair, lass. How are we gonna say no tae that?" You giggle. Only then do they find themselves tucked away in the guest room, and boy, you were right when you said it could fit them all if not more.

On the way to the bathroom in the late hours of the night, Soap catches a glimpse of light through the crack of your bedroom door to see his oh-so strong lieutenant, vulnerable in your arms. There's something natural about the way you cradle the large man and kiss his hair like it's part of your DNA, like you're programmed to do that 'cause Soap thinks you're simply unreal.

He's proud of his lieutenant, this lucky bastard. He turns another blind eye once more, but he's paid in full with another fulfilling meal by the morning.

[kantocamping]

Kichijiro. He/Him. 40s. Experienced pokemon trainer and studying ornithologist. Currently making a living selling/trading pokemon professionally; please inquire if you're looking for a pokemon native to Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, or Sinnoh.

I don't do competitive battling anymore, but I did in the past (non-circuit) so I may speak on the subject now and again. I'm also living in an RV for work purposes (no, I don't need help, I'm not homeless, I could buy a house if I wanted) and will likely also post about that from time to time. I don't care if you find it boring.

Please ask me about ornithology and my current research projects in Kantonian farfetch'd and its possible evolution.

My current team consists of pidgeot, noctowl, psyduck, delibird, farfetch'd, and rowlet. Feel free to ask about them as well.

// ooc

hiiii <3 my name is kristopher!! he/him + 22 :] i'm an enviro science/agriculture student, avid birder, and passionate hiker + camper!! please keep in mind that i'm a white american trying to portray a japanese man as best i can; feel free to let me know if i get anything wrong or do anything insensitive!!

i also run @pikachuwanted (meowth)

the pokemon lore i go with is based on a mixture of the games, anime, and comics, alongside my own headcanons that i've come up with over the years!! i'm totally okay with people interacting who have differing and even totally contradicting hcs to my own!! it's all in good fun.

that said, generally some baseline 'rules' (and i use the word loosely) that'll likely come up often enough i go with are:

pokemon are typically more intelligent than real animals and are treated as such. they have an understanding of human concepts that real animals don't, and can even communicate now and again. however, even humanoid pokemon still have animalistic behaviors, since they're not humans.

while multiple universes do exist, kichijiro is generally unaware of and skeptical about this concept. most direct references to this will be glossed over and not taken seriously by him. i generally just don't really like storylines like this and probably won't engage in them.

legendary pokemon are provably real, but rarely seen, and never documented as being captured by trainers. i won't ignore characters that have legendaries, but this won't be referenced outside of direct interactions! pseudo-legendaries are just considered to be very rare.

team rocket (which kichi is totally not in) is generally a more realistic crime syndicate that does genuinely awful shit aside from just stealing pokemon.

please keep the following in mind when interacting with me!

content warning: this blog may at any time contain themes of smoking, drinking, alcoholism/drug use, suicidal thoughts, pokemon death/abuse, veterinary practices, organized crime, guns, and non-canon typical violence. bolded topics will always be tagged! please let me know if you want anything else to specifically be tagged.

pelipper mail is on, but please don't go crazy with it, i'll just ignore it if i don't know what to say or think it's not going to be fun for me. magic anons are off.

fallers and sentient pokemon are fine to interact, but i'd rather not interact with eebies specifically

i'm totally down to write literate threads if anyone wants! i love long-form writing and am more than happy to plot something out. all of these will either be on discord or @finefeatheredfoes

kichijiro is not a nice man! he's trying to be better, but he's a generally rude person who's done a lot of bad things in his life and has been in rough circles for over 20 years. he might be mean, but this doesn't reflect my thoughts on you/your character at all!! if this upsets you, please just let me know.

related, but if you have ANY issues with me please please PLEASE bring them up to me in dms!!! i'm always willing to talk things out, and i'll never freak out on you or whatever :]

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

If you were having sex with the members for the first time, would you approach it differently depending on what you know about their personalities? For example, if they were willing to let you lead, do you think that fucking Jungkook would be similar to fucking Namjoon?

It wouldn't matter who they were. Everyone I fuck gets their own tailored experience. Otherwise wtf am I doing? XD People have different likes and dislikes. Sometimes you're in the mood for something. Sometimes you're not. Kinks change over time too. It's a disservice to the individual if you fuck 'em all the same.

Chances are, you'll probably have more than one sexual partner over your lifetime. Nobody wants to hear, "I fuck you the same way as the last one." That's weird behavior. Some people only have one sexual partner, true, but then you consider how your partner is feeling that day and act accordingly. No one is in the same mood every day.

side note: "if they were willing to let you lead" I'm sorry but it just kinda will always end up that way despite my best attempt on chilling the fuck out, apparently I'm incapable of that smh

anyway

BTS are public figures, so we get an idea of their general public personas which reflect their true personalities to some extent. Since their different people, they would probably be interested in different things or have more / less experience in various areas when it comes to sex. More than that, though, I would consider the way they are when interacting with me, because of course each will have a different first impression of me as well. It's more about the rapport we're able to establish (with the help of Papago, welp) and how we get along as a pair.

Would fucking Jungkook be similar to Namjoon? Don't think so. Namjoon probably has a more established idea of what he wants versus Jungkook would probably rather "test" me and be interested in my expertise. Also, there's the height difference so that's something to figure out when it comes to positions. If I can get Seokjin within ten meters of me, we might have a shot LMAO We would have fun though. He seems to enjoy being thrown around. I could be a little nasty with the facial expressions. I think he'd find it hilarious. Yoongi is probably the hardest to talk to when it comes to sex specifics. I think it would make him more comfortable if I initiate and see how he reacts, test the boundaries of what he responds well to, and so on. The conversation would be more physical than verbal. With Hoseok I would have to be the most gentle (which means... I have to act more "normal" lol), so I would probably present ideas in a more chill way and see how it goes. Something tells me I don't have to do much when it comes to Jimin. I'd let him flirt and succumb eventually after a nice push-and-pull. Pull out the freak maybe. With Taehyung, I would start slow and ramp up. I don't think he'd like to feel rushed but he wouldn't want it slow throughout either.

I only gun for what I want if there's already an established connection going on; I'm not out here trying to be rude. And even then, I do things the other person likes first to convince them to do what I want. :D Yes, some people like being pushed into it, however I wouldn't do that to someone I only know casually (and they would need to tell me repeatedly to do so) because that can turn into assault very quickly.

I think it's a form of respect to consider an individual as such. To approach each person as a unique experience, especially when it comes to sexual preferences that are usually very personal. After all, we're not gonna even get to the sex part if I don't like the person at all or can't envision myself having sex with them.

I wouldn't say every sexual experience needs to be special. But I do think you think to think of it as a time investment. Because it is. This is time you can't get back. What is the value of your time? That's something only you can determine. Of course, the answer will change over the course of your life. But, in the end, we all have limited time.

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s6 ep4: Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy

This episode was supposed to be funny, but all the humor depends on finding middle-aged straight dudebro attitudes hilarious, which I don't. I'm not a huge fan of the Doctor to begin with, and stuff like this doesn't help.

This episode retreads a lot of the same ground as the Next Generation episode 'Hollow Pursuits', except with less fun and charm. In that episode, it was a character we didn't really know, Barclay, recreating our familar characters on the holodeck as an intentional way to make his new co-workers less intimidating. He didn't know them all well in real life, and most of them were his superior officers, so it was basically some guy in a new job trying to cope with a scary new boss. It turned the audience's view of the regular characters on it's head with an outsider's perspective, and as a joke, it was punching up because this guy had no power over them. Meanwhile, the Doctor does know the senior staff of Voyager very well, and (supposedly) considers them friends, as well as having a good deal of power over them as their only doctor on the ship. So his fantasies about them, rather than being funny, just come off as gross. I would absolutely be hurt if I found out someone who was supposedly my friend thought of me the way the Doctor thinks of the Voyager crew, especially the women. Wanting to be smarter and braver and better than everyone is childish, but at least somewhat understandable, but wanting all of your female friends to be romantic/sexual rivals fighting over you and constantly trying to seduce you in the middle of staff meetings is just icky.

That the Doctor can work alongside all these people for all these years and still see all the women in his life as sex objects is unbelievably offensive dudebro bs. He's not even a real person, he's a freaking computer program, and yet he's still got all this misogyny? Do the dudebros in that writer's room really think of women that way? Do they think that's normal? I guess so!

It's especially egregious with B'Elanna, since he's so rude to her all the time, and he's only ever nice to her when he needs her to fix his program. Otherwise, he's condescending and sometimes downright racist to her, and clearly doesn't like her very much for whatever reason, yet he wants her to be madly in love with him? He wants her to just forget about the actual relationship she's in and fawn over him? Eww! He has no respect for her as a person at all, and that sucks. In fact, this whole episode's plot was precipitated by him once again not respecting her authority, since she told him not to mess around with his program without consulting her in a previous episode where he did just that, and ended up assaulting her and almost killing a guy. Yet here he is, disobeying her again, despite his promise not too, and nobody gives him as much as a slap on the wrist. Janeway absolutely should have backed B'Elanna up and reprimanded him for disobeying her orders again, since she's functionally his doctor, in addition to being chief engineer.

The captain finding the Doctor's puerile adolescent boy fantasies funny isn't very believeable either. I honestly can't imagine Picard or Sisko being put in a position like that and finding it cute. Aside from the fact that she's the captain, and literally the boss of everyone, I know I'd be hurt if I found out someone I'd been friends with for years really just wanted me to be a brainless bimbo panting after him. The little tag on the end of the one scene where he has a line about wanting to be the hero all the time so he can help the people he loves rings hollow, quite honestly. It's meant to be there to excuse his obnoxious behavior, but he doesn't have to put other people down to make himself more important, and he certainly doesn't have to objectify all the women in his life either. It doesn't seem like he loves or cares about any of them very much the way he's constantly insulting everyone, and obviously doesn't respect the authority of any of the women on that ship at all. His crush on Seven is actually the least gross of them all, since he's at least reasonably courteous toward her most of the time, but he's still paternalistic and condescending, and there was absolutely no need for a scene of him painting her in the nude to illustrate how much he objectifies her, since we already know that. (And gratuitous female nudity isn't progressive. This is Star Trek, it's supposed to do better.)

Even the song the Doctor sings in this ep is full of sexism- I forget what opera it's from, but the lyrics translate to something along the lines of "women are fickle and have foolish thoughts in their heads". At first I thought, ugh, do they not know what the lyrics to this song mean? Why would they give him that to sing, of all things? But as the episode progressed, the sexism became a major theme, so I guess maybe it was intentional. Big yikes! The only things that were actually funny in this ep were when the Doctor imagined the computer sassing him and telling him to get going and save the ship, and Tom's 'WTF??' reaction face at seeing the Doctor's gross little fantasies. (Tom truly represents us all in this one.)

The real problem here is that the writer of this episode thinks that men treating women this way is normal, but it's not, he's just sexist. And so is the Doctor. So I found it very hard to have any kind of sympathy or root for him during this episode. Moreover, I think the whole premise that the Doctor is somehow being treated worse than any other crew member is ridiculous man-baby whining. They all have a job to do, and since they're alone in the Delta Quadrant, those jobs are even more crucial. Nobody on that ship would be allowed to abandon their Starfleet jobs to go do opera or whatever whenever they want, no matter if they're a hologram or flesh and blood. Nobody on that ship is getting a promotion either, and Harry Kim saved their asses more times than the Doctor did. The Doctor whining about not being assigned to go on an away mission is more privileged man-baby nonsense- nobody gets to go on every away mission just because they want to. And regular Starfleet officers aren't allowed to whine about it or be snotty to the rest of the crew over it and get away with it, they suck it up like professional adults- except for the Doctor, because he's a special boy, so he gets to be rude and snippy without getting a reprimand from anyone. (And B'Elanna was actually trying to be nice to him about it, yet he was still rude to her.) I guess the Doctor really is closer to being a real white man than he thinks, since he's got the whole sense of entitlement to special treatment down cold.

I just can't find any sympathy in my heart for rude, whiny middle aged white men, whether they're holographic or otherwise. The Doctor's disrespect is not only not funny, but once again, put Voyager in actual danger. Just because he was able to avert it in the end, it doesn't mean that the initial bad behavior was okay. I'm pretty sick of the way the Doctor's constant rudeness and disrespect of everyone around him is presented as acceptable or even cute, and he never gets any meaningful consequences for any of it.

Tl;dr: An episode that failed at being funny because it bought into sexist assumptions that all men think of the women in their lives as sex objects, and that men are oppressed when they don't get special treatment. There was so much gross dudebro stuff here that I found it impossible to sympathize or care about the Doctor at all in this ep.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Hey, anyone else have a weird allergy to alcohol?

I have questions for you.

-----

Are you also from a country with a big drinking culture, and a lot of socialising is done around a drink?

Do you also get sick of being the Designated Driver, so you just don't go anymore?

The allergy... What's it like for you?

I have met someone, who also goes to medieval festivals and dodges the stuff like Neo in the Matrix, because she's deathly allergic to it. But loves the fair and her group is very careful to keep her safe.

To me, if it gets on the skin, it gets itchy and red. Not as bad as it could be, considering. Funny story about working that one out. Accidentally discovered it in Gr12 chem class where we did the Make Mead/Alcohol experiement assessment, and I wanted to deglove myself from the elbows down to stop the itching. Took ages to like, connect the dots, I thought it was someone's perfume lmao.

Then one day I went to use this fun little bottle opener I got in a lucky dip on ancient beer cans (to take to containers for change) and ended up with it all over my arms. It was like that one pineapple werewolf post, it went everywhere. Oooh, did I put the pieces together that day lmao.

If I drink it, its fine for a bit but then you get hot and itchy but it's UNDER the skin. You can't do shit about it. It's like ants are crawling under there, concentrating in unusual locations (sometimes different to usual) and you think aout wanting a cheese grater. But that would ruin the Vibe.

Haven't really tried it for like, a decade or more. Ugh, hand sanitiser with high alcohol concentrations was annoying during covid, but I'd rather be itchy than an infection vector so *shrug*. I think it's not as bad as it once was, but you know... what if it's worse?

Not willing to chug hand sanitiser to find out.

You'd be surprised how much stuff has alcohol in it. Face washes/cleansers, mouth wash, perfumes, etc. Most of it doesn't do anything to me, but I know those with higher sensitivities struggle to get things to work.

ethyl alcohol is in a LOT of shit these days, if you're not sure just check the ingredients.

--

Have you ever come across an alcohol that made the side effects worth it?

Beer tastes like angry sock water. Vodka cruisers when mixed with bubbly soft drink flavours is still meh. And Wine is kind of... gross? Not sure which wine it was, but it was pretty hmm.

Very disappointing to miss out on cocktails, they look fun, but how can you even work out what you like. Not that they do them around here. Maybe I could make one at home, if I find a nice one.

The rest of the family did Not get this curse. Rude. but it means they don't mind drinking things I can't, if i try something.

-------

You ever feel like you missed out on adult fun stuff/socialising?

When half the country's go-to hang-out is to get a drink, and the other half want a coffee, and you aren't a fan of either... it does kind of suck. Not to mention that parties as a teen in smaller towns are few and far between unless you're one of the Party People who get underaged blackout each weekend.

In retrospect, that's actually pretty sad. You wonder what was going on for them that made them think that's normal, that that's a good way to manage what's going on in their lives. But eh, retrospect.

-------

Have you found anything that counteracts the allergy?

[tieflingtareon]

My love, are you the devil? (Oh, call me a devil)

Chapter 27 | Words: 5.2k

Summary: Astarion found himself often surprised by his heroic companion. He had one goal. To become the favoured companion of the group, to earn the Tieflings loyalty, to make Tar'eons strength his own. Yet Tar'eon isn't like the usual target of his manipulations. Despite his naivety, he does not seem gullible. There is something very wrong with their 'leader' to begin with. Astarion isn't sure if he wants to control it or eradicate the threat it posed. But can he really do either when Tar'eon himself seems so...unwaveringly kind?

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50668558/chapters/127995079

Tar'eon didn't have his own tent, so he hid away in Astarion's. It was vacant, and if he was honest, he wasn't sure he could stand talking to anyone else right now. He curled up in the piles of clothes, head on the stolen pillow and wrapped up in the blanket from the inn, nestling himself down to sleep. It wasn't even midday but he didn't want to think anymore. For once, he wanted to sleep dreamlessly.

By some miracle, he managed to sleep for a bit before he awoke to the tent opening, sunshine draping across his features.

"There you are." Astarion tutted. "You know, it's quite rude to enter ones abode without permission."

"I needed to be alone, and I don't have my own tent."

"Right, because you prefer sleeping under the stars." Astarion mused and closed the flap behind him, sitting beside the tiefling. "So...are you going to tell me why you suddenly deserted us out there? Oh, by the way, Karlach personally invited Yenna and her cat to stay with us. I told her we have enough strays, but Wyll backed up her decision so..."

"I'm glad she's here, rather than alone." Tar'eon turned to properly face Astarion, sighing. "It's just...seeing Orin - it shook me up. I've never felt so...angry before. In my life. Something about her gets under my skin, and I was afraid of what I'd do. I almost killed that smith."

"Yes, that was...honestly? Quite arousing. Terrifying, but arousing. You really should threaten people more often."

"Astar."

"Right, apologises." Astarion clicked his tongue. "She had a lot to say to you, that shapeshifter."

"Yeah..."

"She called you 'sibling'. Remarked on your father."

"She did."

"Are you going to tell me why she'd say such a thing or...?" Astarion gestured for him to explain, but Tar'eon had nothing to say.

"I don't know. I don't remember. But I know my memories? She took them. She scrambled with my brain and now...I know nothing." He hated her. 'Sister' or not. "Maybe she meant sibling in a different sense. We certainly don't look alike."

"Well, considering you share a father apparently..." Astarion frowned before smirking. "At least I'm not the only one who'll be having a family reunion."

"Gods, I hope not." Tar'eon pinched his brow.

"We still have four hours of daylight...Perhaps a trip to the circus would help take your mind off things?" Astarion mused and Tar'eon chuckled.

"A circus? I don't recall ever going to one."

"Karlach is begging to go, I beg you to save me from this." He pleaded and Tar'eon gave it a thought. The circus...after all the crap they'd been through, a circus sounded quite nice honestly. A day off, if anything. They deserved one of those.

"We should go."

"Ugh, I was hoping you'd say no."

"Then why ask?" Tar'eon grinned, amused but Astarion's pout.

"Because I was trying that 'nice' thing you keep encouraging." Tar'eon shook his head fondly and sat up to kiss Astarion softly.

"I appreciate it. Come on. I don't want to slump about over this. Maybe going out will help."

"That's the spirit. No point in being a depressing lump in my tent."

Tar'eon chuckled. Astarion had played him like a fiddle. But for once, it was to benefit him rather than himself. That was an improvement when it came to his silver tongue.

****

"I'm not wearing that." Astarion refused as Tar'eon crept closer with the face paint.

"Come on! You're supposed to be hiding anyway, aren't you?" Tar'eon grinned.

"I'd rather be found by Cazador than wear that crap on my face."

"Oh, oh, me! Let me!" Karlach insisted, pointing at her own face. Tar'eon laughed and began painting her face with a steady hand. "Oh, it's cold!"

"Everything's cold compared to you, Karlach." Shadowheart chuckled and stole some paint for herself, happy to disguise herself given her current status as a traitor to Shar.

"You're right - I'll happily warm you right up, baby!" Karlach beamed at her girlfriend, and Shadowheart rolled her eyes but smiled anyway.

"Ugh - I'm going to go pick pocket some patrons, anything to escape this dreadful place." Astarion waved his hand and slipped away into a crowd of people. Tar'eon shook his head. He hoped he got caught.

He painted a giant blue butterfly across Karlach's face and she let out a squeal when she saw it.

"Amazing! Gods, I look good. You ever thought of taking up painting once this is all over?"

"I'm not that good." Tar'eon was flattered though.

"Karlach's not joking. You have some talent." Shadowheart assured. "Maybe you painted before."

"A painter and a bard - quite the creative person I was, huh?" Tar'eon mused. He probably painted with blood and charmed people to walk off cliffs with his flute, no doubt.

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you play." Karlach frowned. "Can you?"

"Of course I can. I can play just about any instrument I put my hands if I put my mind to it. I just...prefer the flute." Tar'eon took his flute and frowned as he walked down the steps. He placed his lips to the mouthpiece and decided to play a cheerful, adventurous tune, eyes falling shut. He hadn't really played because he hadn't the time, or the privacy to. Yet when he put his lips to it, he could feel something connecting inside his brain.

A memory.

In his memory, the tune was softer. More mellow. There was no rush, no upbeat tick to it. Every note was drawn out, peaceful like walking along a riverbank beneath a full moon. Behind his eyelids, he could see a dark office, lit by candlelight. There was a presence behind him, he could feel it, but there was no fear. No anticipation. He was not in danger. The presence was as mellow as his song.

A warm hand curled around his throat, the cold claws sharp but not biting. His head fell back, and within the memory, darkness followed. He had closed his eyes. The music continued to play, air still leaving his lungs as his throat was cradled. There was submission in the act, something he knew was not freely given.

"Tir'yal...are you trying to charm me?" The music did not stop. The hand did not move. There was simply a chuckle, warm and low.

The memory faded into nothing, warped away, but Tar'eon could still feel the phantom hand on his throat as he pulled the flute from his lips. His upbeat tune had changed to that mellow one, and there were people crowding around him, looking mesmerizing.

"Wow..." Karlach breathed. "I don't think I've ever been moved by a flute solo before. Hells." She placed a hand on her chest. "I actually feel...almost cold."

"Was that your own song?" Shadowheart asked. "It was so...calming. Yet sad. I don't think I've ever entertained the flute as an emotional instrument before."

"I...I'm not sure if it's my song. I think it is." Tar'eon frowned, shaking his head. He couldn't get the memory out of his head. He hadn't realised playing his flute would open up more of his past to him. What else could he do to remember it? It was the only memory of his past that wasn't smeared with blood.

Who in Faerun was he? And who was the man with him? He used his infernal name with such ease...Like he knew the language well enough to call it his own.

"Whatever you were playing, it occupied the people well enough for me to nick a very pretty ring and some coin." Astarion grinned as he came to his side. "A beautiful song it was, darling. Perhaps I can show my talents at the piano one day. We'd make quite the duo."

Tar'eon smiled at the thought.

"I'd love to play with you." He could imagine in now, Astarion on the piano with his elegant fingers, Tar'eon with his flute pressed against his lips, creating a harmony together in a house they could call their own. It was a nice dream, and he hoped one day to experience it. He turned around to depart from the crowd and found himself stumbling over a few steps, righting himself in front of a woman with red hair - a druid. Or, he was definitely assuming druid with all the leaves and branches covering her modesty.

"Sorry, I-"

"This city of stone and steel is an endless scream in nature's womb. I have left no peace here." She turned to him and smiled serenely. "Until now. Your eyes, stira...there is pain, endless and deep. But also devotion - blazing like the sun. You're in love, are you not?"

Tar'eon stood straighter, his cheeks a touch hot at how easily she seemed to read him. It was a little unsettling, but there was little to hide from what he was guessing was a nymph - a dryad.

"I...yes. I am." There was no point in lying to the woman. "To someone quite close to me."

"You are wise to admit it. When it comes to love, vulnerability is armour. Truth, a sword. And trust, a shield." Tar'eon took in a deep breath, a little overwhelmed by her insight, but he understood. Love was not weakness. Being weak with the one you love was a strength in itself. To bare yourself before another...it was a risk that came with high rewards if you were lucky to bare yourself to the right person. "I pray you wield all three, stira."

Tar'eon smiled softly. It may be a sham she ran for the circus, but it made him feel good about putting his heart in Astarion's hands, even if they had conflicting views on power.

"Bring the one you love to me. I will look into your hearts and see if your love is eternal. Or doomed eternally." Tar'eon bit his lip. It was probably a scam. He doubted she would be able to know if Astarion and him were worth the journey, the pain and the healing, but...Gods, he wanted to have someone say it was. He wanted to know he was making the right choice with his heart, or if he was doomed to simply live with the heartache Astarion may bring him.

He turned to Astarion who was looking at the dryad sceptically, like he didn't quite think her predictions to be true, but when his eyes met his, they widened.

"Would you...like to try it? With me?" He offered his hand to Astarion and the vampire seemed surprised before he smiled, indulging Tar'eon.

"Oh my love, how could I say no?" He took his hand and came to stand beside him. Most circus' were full of scammers, sham magicians, but he didn't mind go through a little 'test of love' to make Tar'eon feel more secure in...whatever they were. Astarion didn't want to admit it to himself, but - he was also a touch insecure about their relationship. After the previous night, he felt like he was walking on eggshells, trying to ignore the forbidden ritual looming over their heads.

"Close your eyes, little ones. Be still as stone to earth. And remember to breathe."

"Do you think we could try next?" Karlach whispered to Shadowheart who smiled softly.

"I doubt she will be able to tell you anything I can't tell you myself about my feelings for you."

"Gods, I love you." Karlach grinned. "I still want to though."

"Alright, alright. Later."

Tar'eon closed his eyes, smiling to himself. Moments passed, and he only opened his eyes when he felt a shift in the air around him. A gentle breeze, the sound of a waterfall and running water - a lack of noise from the people around them. His hand was now empty as he looked around, finding himself in a peaceful hideaway of stone and moss, a tree trunk the only means to Astarion who stood on the other side with the dryad.

"Ah. Glorious. Your bond is sweeter than nature's dew. I see you. Know you. But do you know one another?"

"I know he's sweeter than nature's dew." Astarion joked, licking his lips and showing off his fangs in a grin as if to tease the dryad. Tar'eon suppressed a laugh, a finger to his lips as if to silence himself.

"Astarion: a tumultuous past hides behind a mirthful grin." Astarion made a small tutting sound at her insightful words. He didn't quite like being seen through so blatantly. "The heart is fraught, so let us begin with the joyous. When is he happiest?"

Tar'eon frowned, giving it a thought. When was Astarion happiest...?

"Well...I like to think he's happiest when we're alone. When he's being heard, listened to, and cared for. He likes fine things, and he like special treatment." Tar'eon mused before chuckling. "But I'd have to say he smiles most when elbow-deep in gore."

Astarion laughed, able to forget the personal part of his words in favour of the satisfying answer.

"Guilty as charged. Sometimes literally." Astarion shrugged with a smirk and Tar'eon walked closer, only pausing when the dryad spoke again.

"Your bond beats in pleasure. It is an honour to behold."

"Not the only kind of pleasure we get up to." Astarion quipped with a grinned. "Well, not recently, but the memories are good enough." He winked. Tar'eon shook his head, smile fond.

"Many things delight the heart, but only one makes it sing. Tell me, what does he desire more than anything?" Astarion frowned, looking away. He damn well knew the answer, but it wasn't one he'd like to be aired out like dirty laundry, thank you.

"Freedom." Tar'eon answered honestly. "That's all he's ever wanted. It's what he deserves."

"You're not wrong, but do we need to tell every stranger we meet our business?" Astarion narrowed his eyes and Tar'eon smiled as he walked closer.

"You're allowed your quips. I'm allowed my honesty." Astarion rolled his eyes.

"Our touch has been that of sunlight, but now we must ask the deep. The difficult. Fear sits in the soul of all - to tame it, we must name it. What is his deepest fear?" Tar'eon looked at Astarion, who was glaring at him, daring him to voice it out loud. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to chuck away the truth just this once. For his sake.

"Breaking a nail." Astarion laughed.

"Well, when you look this good..." He made a show of check his nails before his expression grew more serious, walking across the tree trunk to meet him. "Well, you were right every time. I almost wish you hadn't been, but...you do know me."

Tar'eon smiled and took his hand in his, squeezing gently.

"I press my fingers to your bond and find a shield - impenetrable. It is...beautiful." She sounded awed, and it made Tar'eons heart swell. "Your love is one few have - cherish it." She came closer, and then paused. "I only wonder if it is shared with such fervour."

The pair frowned, looking at her in confusion.

"Tar'eon...when is he happiest?" She was looking at Astarion now, who seemed dumbfounded to be asked such a personal question.

"I...Well..." Astarion actually looked embarrassed as he looked away from them both, Tar'eons hand holding his.

"You don't have to answer. I already know you care for me, Astar."

"Well...it's only fair to spill your dirty secrets in return." Astarion cleared his throat, licking his lips. "I...He's happiest when- when he's with his people." Tar'eons heart warmed, a small smile on his lips, but Astarion wasn't finished.

"He's happiest when he's talking to children, when an animal lets him get close, when he- when he can enjoy a good book in peace, and learn something new and - he seems happiest with...me." Astarion swallowed, heat burning the back of his neck. "Despite how much I'm sure I grate on his nerves."

"Even when I'm annoyed with you, I'm still happy to see you." Tar'eon agreed.

"Gods, you're a sap." Astarion scoffed like he hadn't said something so endearing just moments ago.

"You watch him close, for fear he may leave if you don't. He has made your heart beat again, and it is glorious yet terrifying." She seemed as if she was in love herself, her eyes almost starry despite their bright glow. "Tell me, what does he desire more than anything?"

Astarion bit his lip, sucking on it before he let go and huffed.

"Freedom. We're one in the same in that regard. He wants to be free of parts of himself, and I wish to be free of others."

"Perhaps there is more layers to be found within your partners desires." She mused and Tar'eons stomach churned.

"He was right. I do want to be free." Even if there was much more to it than that. "I want to be in control of my life, my actions."

"What is his deepest fear? The thing he fears above all else?" She continued, and Tar'eon watched Astarion, wondering what he'd say.

"He...he fears losing himself. Who doesn't?" Astarion had lost himself for years in his abuse, so many memories fuzzy from dissociation. From trying to get away in the only way he knew how.

"Perhaps there is something more terrifying than losing ones self?" She was talking to him this time, staring into his very soul, and Tar'eon swallowed hard.

"I...I fear losing him, even more than myself." He admitted. "I'm scared of become a monster; but I fear the monster devouring him more."

"The sword to the shield. Your love is both impenetrable, yet sharp. Where one protects," She gestured to Tar'eon. "The only defends." She smiled at Astarion who couldn't take his eyes off Tar'eon. "A perfect balance. All you need is the armour. Vulnerability. To truly bare yourselves to the other. Do not let secrets and insecurity fester and build a wall between you. Let truth and honesty by your bridge to one another."

She came closer, and the peaceful enclave disappeared, the sound of the city coming back to them. Tar'eon stared at her with wide eyes. He felt like he been stripped raw and put back together. She truly had dug down deep into them and forced them to face the matters at hand. Their love was not doomed - so long as they spoke to each other in truths and not falsehoods.

"Go in peace, seedlings. And know that you made one whose heart was long quiet beat with love anew." She smiled at them and Tar'eon nodded sharply. "And that you," She gestured to Astarion. "Have gained devotion and loyalty unlike any other you could conceive."

The pair stepped back from her, Tar'eon bowing his head in respect. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to say thank you or not.

"I..." Astarion looked lost for words.

"Me next! This is my girl, Shadowheart. We're ready to test our love, nature lady." Karlach grinned and Shadowheart shook her head, beyond amused.

"It can't hurt, I suppose - unless you embarrass me. Then you might find yourself hurting in a whole manner of ways."

"Hopefully only the good kind." Karlach winked. Tar'eon watched as the pair closed their eyes, turning to look at Astarion.

"You really feel that way?" Astarion asked, casting his gaze aside, unable to look into those mismatched eyes. "I...I knew you cared, but I never assumed I would be above your own life. I should have know, you've always had a gentle heart, trying to save everyone."

"You are above everyone." Tar'eon sighed, resigned to that fact of his life. "It's why I don't want you to do the ritual, Astar. Because I know I'll let you, and those deaths will never stop haunting me, knowing I could have stopped you from doing so. One persons life for several seems only justified, until you love that one person too much to ever hurt them."

"You would?" Astarion frowned. "If I did the ritual...you wouldn't leave?"

"I wouldn't. I'm not sure that's a good thing, though."

"I know you think this is only for power for me - but it's more than that. I'm taking everything from him. I will not be satisfied unless I inflict the same torture he inflicted on all of us. On me." Astarion scowled before his expression softened, looking up at Tar'eon. "I could give us so much more time, Tar'eon. If I ascended - you wouldn't have to fear hurting me. And I would never have to fear you dying long before I ever will. I could change you, make you my equal. Things could be perfect. Forever."

"And I would be haunted by the souls we damned, forever." Tar'eon reminded and shook his head softly. "I don't want to lose you. I fear messing with a devils contract will only bite us in the arse later. That you'll become someone different from the person I love."

"I won't." Astarion sighed, not sure how to get through to the man. "I'll still be me. Just...better."

"You are already perfect, Astar." Tar'eon took his face in his hands and thumbed at his cheeks. "There is nothing better than you. Not to me. You are perfection. You haunt my dreams and thoughts, and they are sweeter than anything I could ever taste. You may think yourself broken or imperfect or weak, but you are beautiful and quintessential and strong to me. You don't need some ritual to become better. You need Cazador dead, and to finally have the chance to move on and live."

He rested his forehead against his, eyes falling shut.

"I want to live with you. Once all of this is over, I want to spend the rest of my life at your side, in whatever way you will have me. I want to be your shield, your armour, your blade. I want to be yours, and for you to be mine. I want to be the modest man who worships the ground you walk on, even if I cannot be the rich man you slit the throat of." He chuckled, slowly opening his eyes to look at Astarion.

His eyes were glossy and wet, but he was refusing to shed tears. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at Tar'eon, lips twisted with bitterness.

"You offer all of that to me and expect me to not want it forever." He took his hands and moved them from his face, stepping back and turning around to weave through the crowd. If he was attempting to disappear within it, he was failing, his white curls sticking out like a sore thumb, but Tar'eon let him go.

He sighed, looking up at the sky. Whatever God was watching over him...He'd like a blessing one of these days.

****

He had really hoped there would be no bloodshed at the circus, but apparently whatever God was watching over him hated him and demanded it. He never thought he'd kill a clown, and yet...

He used the carter of water to wash the blood off his face and armour, offering Astarion one as well. Shadowheart was attempting to wash the paint off Karlach's face, but the tiefling was insisting she liked it and didn't want to ruin his 'art'.

"I'm more interested in kissing my girlfriend, not a butterfly." Which managed to make the barbarian sit patiently (she still wiggled, but it was Karlach) while the cleric rubbed blood and paint off her skin.

"Good! You lot made it back in time for dinner." Gale called as he walked away from the fire, quirking a brow. "Murder on the first day? I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. I thought you were scouting Rivington?"

"We went to the circus." Astarion grumbled.

"The circus? What fun! You know, that might help Yenna's spirits - maybe I'll take her and Wyll out tomorrow."

"Oh, uh, we kind of...killed them." Tar'eon admitted.

"You- you killed the circus? By Mystra - why?!"

"They attacked me first!" Karlach piped up, Shadowheart attempting to scrub blue paint from her cheek, holding her by her horn as she attempted to move away from it like a fussy pet. "They deserved it!"

"Absolute worshippers." Tar'eon explained and Gale sighed.

"All the good things get ruined before I can experience them. Surely I can join you tomorrow?"

"That should be fine. Shadowheart, Karlach, are you two alright to stay at camp tomorrow?"

"I guess. I'll just stay here and eat dirt or something." Karlach pouted.

"I'll stay and make sure she doesn't eat dirt." Shadowheart smirked.

"Gale, we leave early tomorrow."

"Fantastic!" The wizard clapped his hands together. "I'm sure Wyll will be happy to join us too."

"Obviously." Tar'eon smiled, knowing the two were basically a package deal at this point, the same as Karlach and Shadowheart.

"Oh amazing, does that mean I get to stay back too?" Astarion purred. "I mean, with two magic users on your team, surely you don't need my petty dagger, hm?"

"Astarion, you dismiss you own prowess!" Gale shook his head. "We all know an arrow from you is a deadly strike. Your precision is unlike anything a wizard myself could master. Magic is much too wild to have the same effect." Astarion grimaced but he accepted the praise.

"Well...someone has to hold this team together." He relented and tucked a curl behind his ear. "It may as well be yours truly."

"It's settled then. Gale, Wyll, yourself and I." Tar'eon smirked, smiling wider when Astarion glared at him. "Missed a spot, ph myirz." He reached over and wiped some blood off his ear.

"You're the exact reason I need time to read, you infernal bastard." Astarion muttered. He still didn't know what those damn words meant.

"Hm?" Tar'eons eyes crinkled with mischief as he shifted closer to the vampire, leaning in with a smirk. "You are the most radiant man I've ever met, and I want to consume every inch of you to shine half as brightly. I want to suck every last drop of sunlight out of your body through your cock." He let the natural hiss of the language overtake his words, the infernal sliding off his tongue like butter, and laughed into Astarion's shoulder when Karlach squawked.

"You dirty fuck!" She cackled. Tar'eon had forgotten she spent ten years likely speaking infernal to her fellow soldiers.

"I- Gods, what did you say?" Astarion asked, bewildered.

"Apparently something very naughty." Gale smirked.

"Keep studying, and maybe you'll find out." Tar'eon grinned.

"Oh you-" Astarion glowered and shoved him away, retreating to his tent.

"Xe dajy haf!"

"Keep your devils tongue to yourself!"

"That's the opposite of what he wants to do, buddy." Karlach snorted. Astarion closed the flap of his tent sharply and Tar'eon blushed.

"You think I went too far?" He asked.

"He's a big boy. He can take a joke." Shadowheart chuckled.

"Dinner is going to get cold if we keep chatting. Clean yourselves up and come to the fire. Yenna is quite the cook, with a guiding hand." Gale smiled with pride and made his way back to the fire where Wyll was helping Yenna with the hot ladle, pouring stew into a bowl for her.

Tar'eon smiled to himself. Even if her mother never came back for her...he was sure she wouldn't be alone. Not anymore.

****

As per usual, restless sleep plagued him. He scowled as he tossed and turned, trying to find peace in his dreams for once, but it seemed he did not get a choice.

"Naughty, naughty, naughty little master." He growled at the familiar voice, shooting up to face Fel, but he was no longer on his bedroll. Instead he was surrounded by stone, ominously doused in red light, an altar before him. He felt like he was home, yet it was unsettling all at once. Something was wrong. This wasn't camp. This wasn't home.

"You have disobeyed your Father's wishes one time too many." Fel's voice was still heard, but he couldn't see him, walking closer to the skull carved into the wall. There was a sense of dread, but also...belonging. Devotion. This...this was Father.

"For he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself becomes a monster." The sockets of the skull burst red with magic, staring down upon him. Father was here. Father was watching. "When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you."

He felt another presence in the room and turned to the altar, the slab of stone he could remember from another dream. The dream where he killed his guardian, his sacrifice. Now, Orin laid there, playing with her blade. A blade that didn't belong to her, his mind whispered with wrath.

"Another will embrace what you have rejected." Orin turned to look at him and he glared in response to her baring of teeth. "And that other will be your death." If he wasn't hers first, his conniving bitch of a sister, always after his destiny-

His destiny? No. No, that wasn't right...

"But your Father loves you dearly. You may reinherit yourself yet." Fel assured even as Orin pointed her dagger at him. His heart began to race. This was all wrong. This wasn't who he was. He wasn't- he couldn't be-!

Orin turned into a fearsome creature, with more spikes and claws and teeth than any beast of the Hells could conjure up. It struck fear into his very soul and he stumbled back as it approached, a heavy foot slamming down into his chest, pinning him to the altar.

"Slaughter your line. Become the last of your name." The Urge, the anger, it screamed in him to do it, to slaughter his sister, but the human part of him, his present self, didn't want to be another pawn in this game.

"Lord Bhaal shall have but one Chosen."

He wanted to be Father's favourite again. He wanted to be his Chosen. He wanted to be forgiven. He wanted to-

He wanted to kill Orin.

Sister or not, Chosen or not, he would kill the woman who stole his memories from him. Stole him from his life. He would kill Bhaal's Chosen, take her stone, and he would set things right.

He woke with a start, breathing hard. Rage burned beneath his skin as snatches of his past came back to him, all coated in gore and blood, in worship and devotion. He had lead his congregations, had been their master for years, and Bhaal...Bhaal had been his. A cruel master and...his father.

He was his spawn. His heir. His child.

That wasn't who he was anymore. He refused to be...All those bodies, all the blood, he would never be able to atone, but regardless, he was a different person entirely. Who he was before - it wasn't who he was now.

Yet he knew he would never be free of his Urge, not until he confronted the past...Orin was an abomination, mad and bloodthirsty. Even without his grudge against her, he knew he had to kill her. To end the Bhaal line with himself. By killing her, he could get her stone, and cut their father off from his plans with the elder brain. He killed Ketheric, and he would kill Orin. He would have all the stones in the palm of his hand. He'd be able to make things right.

'And Enver?' His mind whispered, and he couldn't remember when the mans first name become more familiar to his mind then his last, even with all memories of him being hidden to him or too fuzzy to be certain.

He didn't have an answer for the question, the implication, and that worried him more than anything; even more so when even the Urge did not beg for his bloodied body alongside Ketheric and Orin's.

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

May I please have a Fullmetal alchemist brotherhood headcanon of Al Elric with an female S/O who can literally understand and talk to animals..which means she can talk and understand animals. It wasn't exactly always useful when her ability literally allowed her to hear what the animals say what they really think sometimes..it was sometimes rather rude (S/O certainly wasn't translating to Edward of when a animal said "Hey dipsh*t! You're short as hell!")

Edwards relationship with Al's S/O who understands and talks to animals.

Hi! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I realised while I was writing this that this ability would make the Nina/Alexander incident so much worse...anyway, I hope you like the headcanons!

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Characters: Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric x gn! Reader (separate)

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You have the strange ability to talk to and understand animals. What does your boyfriend, Al, think of this? Bonus thoughts on Ed's reaction!

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Al loves that his s/o can talk to animals. He's very fond of all creatures so he's glad he can share that with his s/o.

He's also delighted to be able to have "conversations" with animals when his s/o is present. He would talk to them regardless but it's nice being able to hear their thoughts.

If he's looking after a kitten he's found and his s/o tells him the kitten is saying nothing but thanks, he's going to cry a bit.

It doesn't matter that he can't cry as a suit of armour, he's finding a way! He thinks it's wonderful being able to hear the animal's gratitude from them.

If an animal says something confrontational or insulting and his s/o translates for him, Al will gently chastise the creature.

In his eyes, animals are like little kids and since those things shouldn't be coming out of a kid's mouth, they shouldn't be coming out of an animal's mouth either.

Ed also thinks Al's s/o's ability is cool but more from an academic standpoint. How do they have this ability? Is it a branch of alchemy? Maybe alkahestry? Or is it something else entirely?

He will question Al's s/o a lot about their powers, trying to get to the bottom of it. If they know where their powers come from, they'll answer Ed's questions as best they can.

If they don't know, Ed's even more determined to find the answer, both for his sake and theirs.

Always wants to know what animals are saying, mostly so he knows whether to fight them or not.

If an animal insults him or makes a comment about his height…well, it's probably best if Al's s/o keeps that information to themselves…

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[ayearwithoutwater]

Thirty-nine.

I think that I am a very lonely person. I don't mean it socially—I think that, on the whole, I have a fairly colorful social life, which is to say that I feel quite secure in my ability to pick up a phone and dial up a friend if I, as a human, as a social creature, am in dire need of interpersonal interaction. No, I'm speaking a bit more philosophically here. Fundamentally, at my core, I feel very alone.

It isn't a sob story. It is merely a matter of fact. I had a rather solitary upbringing, and that circumstance appears to have persisted in afflicting me throughout adulthood. I can be exultant in my so-called independence or I can be despondent about my isolation; regardless of how I feel about it, the condition of being alone remains.

Let's start with the family, shall we?

Due to economic factors, my parents were never home. One of them kept getting jerked around by employers and laid off, while the other didn't have a stable job until I was in my teens. I don't begrudge them for that, and I don't recall ever being upset about it. I understood that my parents worked hard to keep a roof over my head. Further, I didn't really like them all that much, and I'm not so certain that they liked me, either; I was just another obligation. Therefore, I wasn't dissatisfied about their consistent absence. I rather enjoyed not having them hovering over my shoulder.

My grandmother sometimes stayed with us, but it was infrequent. I credit her for being the most caring adult present during my youngest years, after which she returned to China for longer and longer spells. My other extended family members like my aunts, who I love and consider to be my other primary maternal figures, all lived abroad; growing up in Southern California, it really was just my nuclear family unit.

I should acknowledge my sibling. I tilt my head at the fact that there was another individual, sort of in my generation, growing up in the same home that I did, but we really did not get along; the age difference was simply too great. Moreover, I always felt, palpably, that my parents greatly preferred and adored my sibling. That too created another barrier.

What about my childhood friends? Well, I had some, and I quite liked to spend time with them, but my parents were very rude about the whole thing and rather unforgiving. They picked apart my friends for extremely minor and irrelevant character traits like their weight, and under such scrutiny nobody could measure up. I learned very early on to keep my friends away from my parents, who just weren't very nice people. I thought it was quite telling that my parents had few to no friends of their own.

I suppose that such loneliness is the immigrant experience. My parents came to the United States with no social network, no family members nearby able or willing to assist. They made some friends along the way, but I don't think that my parents are capable of forging deep, lifelong friendships. I guess that's why I hold my friends so dear.

There's a certain level of forgiveness needed from all parties when it comes to creating lasting friendships, I've come to learn. Friendships are a type of relationship that don't have to arise out of transaction. It's sort of like an alliance of—to use today's vernacular—vibes: for some inexplicable reason, I just like you and you just like me. But, because friendship involves two or more independent beings who don't share the exact same thought processes or motivations, friction is inevitable. I don't always agree with my friends, and vice versa. My parents were never able to build a bridge and get over such spats with their friends, so I think I've learned through observation, through experience, to try and not repeat those mistakes. To be clear, I've had my fair share of blunders and I've lost many people in the process, but my takeaway now on the flip side of those experiences is to let most things go.

This, of course, also applies to romantic relationships. I've written in the past about my deep grief at some of my breakups and relationships not working out; I've proffered that my sadness was a result of losing my idea of my future, a narrative I had crafted in my head about the trajectory my life was going to take, and because the emotional blowback left me feeling like I wasn't good enough for someone else to want to weather the storm with me. I think all of that ultimately comes back to the fear of being lonely.

All the same, I'm quite aware of the goings-on in the world and that I'm writing about loneliness from the comfort of my couch. I know that this too is a luxury. Does it matter how isolated I feel that I am or have been as long as I am safe? It is kind of ridiculous to be discussing this from my ivory tower, but I suppose any exercise in personal narratives inherently contains an element of vanity. Let it be known, then, that me airing out all my dirty laundry so publicly is also an attempt at atoning for sins of my own.

Henry, one of the ex-boyfriends, once called me a narcissist. This was during the penultimate conversation we ever had face-to-face, when we finally addressed the fight that caused our split. I was trying to make amends so that we could get back together; he just wanted me to get out of his apartment. He said he'd thought it was narcissistic of me to want to celebrate the sixth of every month because it is the day that I was born, because we each only have one real birth date and nobody does that anyways. My heart sank when he said that because that set in stone for me that the breakup was real, because he'd essentially admitted outright that he didn't understand me. He didn't catch my facetiousness because he didn't grasp that I operate under the assumption that nothing I do matters resultant of my own understood insignificance in the grand scheme of the universe. Like that infernal Carrie Bradshaw meme that keeps resurfacing, he just didn't get it. I just wasn’t ready to accept it at the time.

Where I'm at now is mostly a place of peace. I've made peace with the fact that I will never have a mother to whom I can run crying about whatever issues life throws at me. (I can’t be blamed for a lack of trying! That’s all documented in “My Grandmother’s Daughter.”) I don't have a functioning nuclear family unit and my attempts at creating my own have, so far, failed. All of that sucks, sure, but it is ultimately what it is. It's not wonderful, but I'm alive, and loneliness is still time spent with the world. I'll just take it one day at a time.

[rottenstrawberrigirl]

They say INTJ is so dangerous, rude, and cold. Ok but why do romantic!?!?!?! We have to change the INTJ stereotypes into “charming, luring sirens” 🗣️🗣️🗣️ My boyfriend is an ESFP which makes him the total opposite, lol! I may admire INTJs but I can’t just leave my boyfriend and go on a hunt for the RARE type. That would be so dumb! (Why not have both? 😋)

I yap a lot and so do you! My pen pal! My Turkish pen pal! 🩷 I like the story behind your name :D My name is Mariposa :) It’s a Spanish name (I’m Spanish / Latina / Hispanic (are they considered the same thing? Sorry, if they don’t, my autism can’t tell & im too lazy to search :( ) which means “Butterfly”. My mother named me that because she loves butterflies!

I’m a bit confused. Do I consider you European or Asian? I think most people from Turkey consider themselves as “European”? It’s funny because the other part of your name is literally “Asia”. 😭

Ngl, I’m with the diplomats (you!) when it comes to admiring analysts. Omg! Toaster-San at your blog :0 I don’t get it when people say that she’s intimidating in a bad way. She’s so thoughtful and understanding :) & she’s intimidating in a good way!

Your 🍓🐛 anon

I AM SORRY MY ANSWERS ARE BECOMING LONGER AND LONGER. PLEASE TOLERATE ME. 🙏 I tried to reply to everything you said.

And they are not even purposely trying to be romantic, they seem to just have a natural attractiveness 😭 I think most of them don't notice when someone flirts with them, and after two days have passed, all of a sudden it hits them in the head like, “Oh. They were flirting with me, weren't they? 🤔😧”

Unlike me, they have bigger priorities to occupy their minds rather than romance. I know that winning the heart of an INTJ would be very challenging, but if someone has won, I also know that that person should NEVER do anything to shatter it. Because I think INTJs deeply treasure the one they are in love with and they make that person feel like they are the most pretty/handsome girl/guy in the whole universe. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

~~~

You are lucky, girlie. I hope your boyfriend is treating you well, as he should. You are such a sweet person. 🥺Me, personally, I want to fall in love, but I don't have anyone around me that I'm drawn to. Perhaps love is something I am idealizing... I honestly can't imagine myself in a relationship. I'll either be the most patient and caring girlfriend you've ever seen or just a bundle of depression and anxiety. You've probably already realized from our previous conversations that I'm seeking for a long-term commitment. I believe love. I am a loyal person. Not only to the person I will love, but also to my family, to my friends. So if I am going to give my heart completely to someone, I need to know that person is right. I don't want to be hurt.

I do wonder what an INTP and ESFP relationship looks like, it's difficult for me to visualize, please tell me more if you are comfortable talking about it here. How did you two meet for example? I'm a sucker for love stories!

~~~

Mariposa, I like the way your name is sung. As if it is the name of a fairy or a princess. It's very pleasant and pretty. Well, giving you the caterpillar emoji was a nice coincidence then. Would you prefer to be addressed by your name or should I keep calling you with the emojis? I don't mind either way. Oh, by the way, don't worry, I gotcha. (•̀ᴗ•́)و

Only Spain is Spanish. But most other places speak Spanish too. You must be living in one of the countries in the middle.

~~~

As for whether I'm European or Asian if I'm being honest, I am not sure either. It is a bit complicated and confusing for me too. As you say, some say they are ‘Europeans’ and I don't think they would right because although technically my country is on both continents, it is not in The European Union. Culturally and geographically speaking, we are leaning more towards Asia, so there's that too. I would say we belong to Asia, however, I don't feel like an Asian either. I honestly don't feel like I belong anywhere. (・_・ヾAnd I think to the people abroad, Turkey probably seems like an unusual country. But at the end of the day, we're all just tiny little humans living on the same planet. It doesn’t matter as long as you are a good person.

~~~

People say Toaster-san is intimidating in a bad way?! No way! First of all, they should be ashamed of themselves for claiming such a thing. I've looked at Toaster-san's blog and AO3 account, it was truly astonishing, she even gave me a helpful and courteous response before. I've never seen her behaving maliciously to anyone. She genuinely seems like an insightful, polite person who values kindness, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to keep a little distance from people, after all, she doesn't know them and doesn't owe them anything, and yet she takes the time to answer to them with great effort and respect. People can be so insensitive. This saddens me. It could hurt her feelings to hear them call her something awful like that. I know I would be hurt. Have they no sense of empathy at all? >:(

[monpalace]

LEGEND

Legend is reasonable, he’d consider, just not when he's presented with (almost) constant questions and concerns regarding his relationship status with his closest friend.

Any question along the lines of “so when’d you two start dating,” are quickly met with a snappy response with little second thought. “I saw you with your significant other not too long ago,” and any further ramblings are quickly put to an end when he sends a withering gaze their way.

At some point, Legend becomes tired of comments regarding his relationship with you. If it weren't for his aversion to dark magic, he’d drown himself in a curse of some sort that stopped any related questions entirely.

He’s never turned down acts of reassurance from your side. Whether they are words of affirmation or acts of affection, he never fails to be less inconvenienced about the event when you intervene.

Legend tends to hold his sharp tongue when you're around. He’s never rude to you, or (sometimes) to the other Links, when you're around because he always wants to be a better version of himself when you're around.

That doesn't mean he's good at biting his tongue.

He’s very much susceptible to rolling his eyes, groaning, and telling someone to shut up with a scoff. Legend might wind it down even further with a “please leave us alone,” or “can you just drop it,” if you don't seem pleased by his responses.

Despite his very obvious annoyance when it comes to misinterpretations of his relationship, Legend is quick to dispel any doubts you may have in your mind.

“Would you rather I tone down on the affection? I—” Absolutely not. You’re the only person he feels comfortable with when it comes to anything tactile; he's so used to it now, he’d rather die than lose it all because of some stupid rumor.

“Maybe we shouldn't share food or drinks anymore. It sends the wrong idea.” Okay? Who cares about an indirect kiss? What even is it? You either kiss or you don't. Besides, you have food that he wants to steal (or, he has food he wants you to try), where's the issue with that? Is sharing not caring?

One way or another, Legend is one of the less tolerant Links when it comes to his platonic relationship being taken the wrong way, only being rivaled by Wind and Four’s Blue.

“My Great Goddesses,” Legend groans under his breath. He folds his hands on the side of his temple, the beginnings of a headache working its way into his mind the longer he (forcibly) hears the group of older women coo over his supposed relationship. “Make them stop.”

A swift kick under the tavern table makes Legend’s complaints come to an end. The sharp glance you sent him reels him back in like a dog on a leash.

“Sorry,” he mutters just barely under his breath.

You laugh quietly, just barely audible over the afternoon rush. “I was trying to tell you to go after them,” you hum in an equally low voice. “I’m honestly a little tired of it too.”

“Seriously?”

“Naturally.”

There's a giddy feeling that fills Legend as he stands. It might have been the slight buzz that came with his drinks, or the more natural feeling that was released when he realized he wouldn't have to be nice anymore, but the feeling is there nevertheless.

“Will you cover my part of the bill if I manage to do it without making them leave?”

“Half.”

“Three-quarters.”

“Twenty-five percent.”

“You don’t love me anymore?”

Taking out your wallet, you shake your head at his antics while putting rupees on the table. “You forget the last time you pulled something like this; but I do love you, yes.”

“I love you too, then,” he hums, pressing a kiss to your cheek with a pat on your arm. “I’ll be sure to pay you back— eventually.”

TWILIGHT

This is not the first time he's been in a situation like this, shockingly. He and Ilia went through this same scenario with the villagers of Ordon, but it's the same twenty people with the same two rumors, so everything was squashed between them rather quickly.

But this isn't Ordon. It’s not the same twenty people; it’s everyone in different eras revolving endlessly.

Yet, Twilight doesn't mind.

Every question and comment is easily passed off with “oh, we’re just friends,” or “oh, no! I don’t see them that way,” with a light laugh.

Tactile responses such as hugs, kisses (to the forehead, cheek, hand, wrist), and hand holding are natural to Twilight. He never oversteps his boundaries (whether they're set or not), so his old habits are always fitted for them.

Being called your boyfriend be damned, Twilight is clingy. He's a wolf at heart, so being around those he considers to be a part of his clan. He gently pulls you out of the way from oncoming carriages with an arm around your waist, rests his chin on your shoulder or head while listening to whatever you’re rambling on about, and presses a kiss on your cheek in greeting and goodbye— but it's still strictly platonic.

Twilight holds more than enough respect to shut down anything like “I bet your wedding will be so beautiful,” and “your children will be the prettiest,” for the both of you. “We already agreed we’d be each other's mate of honor,” and “I already told them they’d be the godparent for my kids if I have any,” are almost always his responses.

Unlike Legend, Twilight genuinely finds it amusing everytime someone gets the wrong idea. He finds it easy to joke about when the person is gone or hours after the fact, but he will stop if he finds you don't find it as funny as him.

If, on the off-chance, you both visit Ordon (assuming you aren't from there), more rumors would pop up once more. Are you another Ilia? How long have you known Link? Do you treat him well, at least? Is that a ring on your finger? Are you wearing his pelt? When's the wedding?

Twilight is quicker to cut those off at the source before they spiral. No, he's known you as a friend for a long while (at least to him) and you’ve just so happened to grow close, he’d like to think you do, it's a family heirloom, and you just wanted to see the appeal in why he wore it all the time— now, please. Stop.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s not?”

“No..”

“Yeah, alright.”

Twilight hides from the barely cracked door, hands cupped over the lower half of his face to muffle his laughter.

He can understand where the inn owner might have gotten the idea that the two of you were an item.

Upon first entering the establishment, he was pushing himself against you as though you shared the same body (the result of paranoia following a run-in with a particularly strong group of poes). He had insisted you get one room instead of two before you claimed one bed was fine when told there was no room available with two.

He supposes the final nail in the coffin would’ve been when he dropped his wallet on the counter when you started rummaging to get out your own, dragging you up their stairs once the key was dropped into his hand.

Twilight can see the beginnings of your laughter work its way through your body and face as you close the door. The owner’s inconvenienced “try not to be too loud; I’d like to not lose any more customers because of pairs like you,” rattling around in your minds when he stopped by to return Twilight's large pouch.

“It’s still not funny,” you say, trying to steal yourself as you stumble back to the bed. “It— it won’t. It’s mean.”

Denial and the urge to be the bigger person was slowly diminishing within you. It was undeniable.

Twilight joins you on the bed, shifting and ignoring the burning pain from his scrapes as you both become comfortable. The cramping he’d feel during the night was inevitable, but he could withstand it knowing he was right.

[originaldanganronpascenarios]

If it's fine with you, can I get some Tsundere drv3 boys with a flirty reader? Like, the reader flusters them and openly shows their attraction to them? I hope that made sense lol.

Hm it's funny to imagine them all as Tsundere, hope I didn't make it ooc. Also this is pre-relationship hcs!

And GOD it's been quite long since I wrote the popular "v3 boys" scenarios! I kinda missed that!

Tsundere!V3 boys with flirty Reader

Reader here is gender neutral

Ryoma Hoshi

He tries to keep his cool. Even though he so obviously loves you. He has his own reasons to not "let it" show.

His hat is his savior, but it's one of number one signs that he's embarrassed.

Embarrassed Ryoma is a rare sight to most. To you? Everyday occurrence.

You often flatter him, he doesn't believe most of it but hearing you say it has it's own effect.

Maybe it's your voice that makes him feel happy, or maybe deep down he believes it. Either way he hates how uncool he is about it all.

"I don't think you should bother with me. It's not like we're close or anything so nothing should change if you just leave me be"

Gonta Gokuhara

It's not that he's a Tsundere, it's more that he doesn't want to accept his feelings while still being super polite.

He doesn't see your flirting as any romantic advances either. He honestly thinks you're just being nice!

So his main problem is that he doesn't think it's very suitable for a gentleman to think so much about his romantic interest concerning you.

Once you get him flustered he is a little at a loss. One one end lying to you isn't the most considerate, on the other he really doesn't want you to know his real feelings and desires.

"Oh- um... Gonta is very happy Y/N likes Gonta's company! But... Uh... Gonta can't stay here much longer"

K1B0

He can't really tell if you mean your flirting or are you just joking... So he's not going to let you make a fool out of him!

Although your remarks make him overheat each time he's insisting that it's not you who's causing this.

Of course you know better than that so you just smile and nod, making him think that you actually believe him.

I mean- of course you do! He's telling the truth and it's not like he loves your flirtatious remarks.

"Oh- this is nothing! I'm not blushing or anything... I just uh- need a maintenance!"

Kaito Momota

Somehow you made someone as blunt as him run from his feelings, good job.

I wouldn't say he's afraid to take a step forward in your relationship... But he desn't know if he's ready to be with you.

It's not a you problem either. I mean- sort of? While he sees your flirting for what it is and is flattered he usually responds to it by laughing.

He finds your lines cheesy, and he doesn't know if because of it it'd be okay for him to be with you. Think about it, you just tell him something really sweet and he responds by laughing? That seems kinda rude.

So instead he pretends to be oblivious... Which is kinda just as rude to some extent.

"I'm sorry for laughing but you really are good with those lines Y/N. I'm sure that if you flirted with someone you really like they gotta work! It definitely doesn't work on me though since we're just buddies!"

Shuichi Saihara

Although he comes off as the shy type, he's actually a really proper Tsundere. He doesn't snap at you as often though.

But he does pretend to be annoyed by your flirting. He usually doesn't say much, or just plainly not respond at all.

He tends to think more and speak less, so usually you get only half of what he actually wants to say.

He's very flustered the entire time though, so it's not like you can't tell your words have an effect on him.

"H-huh!? Stop that- are you even aware of what you're saying?..."

Rantaro Amami

He is rather cool with your flirting, but he never knows how to respond to it.

He likes you, but he doesn't think if he wants to be with you considering how often he travels.

If you actually asked him out he'd probably say yes even if he's not sure of what he should do. But he does like you a lot.

So he's full of hesitation... But still stays calm and is very polite to you. He doesn't want to think what is or what could be. So for now he keeps his distance.

"You flatter me, really. But you don't need to say it like that- it's not like we're together or anything..."

Kokichi Ouma

He's really good at hiding his romantic interest in you, but he definitely can't hide the fact that he doesn't find you boring at all.

Often approaching you he's quick to regret it with the way he feels about you that's his usual deal.

Messing with you is just his favorite activity. I mean you try to turn the tables and he definitely likes to play hard to get. So there is all gain and no loss from your interactions.

He likes to rate your lines. Especially if he gets flustered by them and he gets to pretend it's nothing.

"I'd give this one a 6... While your words aren't bad they aren't unique enough to impress me. Keep trying and I might actually swoon over you... Of course what I just said was a lie I don't think you can manage that"

Korekiyo Shinguji

He loves observing you. Not talking to you.

He tries to act triple times as creepy thinking you'd leave him alone and let him observe your beauty... From a safe distance where your words don't reach him.

But you just keep coming back and making him stumble with his words. Usually he doesn't loose his cool around those he's interested in... You however are special.

You always know the right thing to say, the right thing to do and he knows that you like him. He just doesn't want to be vulnerable by letting himself fall for you yet.

"Khehehe so you've decided to talk to me again? Interesting... Perhaps soon you'll be worthy to participate in... Oh wait I don't want to spoil the surprise now do I? Just don't think it means too much about the way I view you"

~Mod Angie

[solaeter]

Hey, i saw that your requests were open and i couldn't help myself. Could i request a fic of either Baji or Chifuyu with a girlfriend who truly believes the only good thing about her is her looks and that once the boys figure it out they'll leave her? Sorry, it's just that "person who grew up only ever being valued over their looks secretly is insecure and truly believes that besides that they have nothing to offer" is one of my favorite tropes and i can never seem to find any content of it

—Pretty n Insecure ft. Baji | sfw 

Titles are the bane of my existence! But I decided to do Baji for now and if you want Chifuyu, just lemme know and I can do his another time  ♡ Hope you enjoy and all feedback is appreciated!!

Warning[s]: Cursing, fluff, unedited because we embrace the chaos!

Word Count: 1.1k

Request Status: OPEN 

✦ Rules | ✦ Masterlist

"Shit Baji, your girl is smokin'."

"How'd you manage to win such a sexy lil thing Baji? Is he paying you? He has to be."

You've heard it all. From endless streams of compliments thanks to your fortunate gene pool and self care, or little jabs that your beauty must be the reason why you get what you want. But when you look at yourself in the mirror at night, you don't see what others see. Staring back at you is a soul that is scared, one that fears you'll be tossed aside once your boyfriend comes to his senses. You're nothing more than eye candy that hugs his side.

Yet you hide that fear behind your charming smile, putting on a mask that dares not to crack under anyone's judgmental gazes. You're envied for being pretty, rumored to be a mean person because of your looks. But you were nice, rather timid and more humble than the rude souls that pointed fingers. Baji defended you any time it was needed and he was truly too good for the world despite his violent tendencies. He always looked at you so lovingly, eyes void of their usual mischief and filled with something even he was still unfamiliar with.

And your mind toyed with you. It was all temporary, you were disposable. Nothing more than a pretty face to show off. It ate at you daily, and you tried your best to deny it. Because why would Baji do such a thing? You were pretty sure he wasn't capable of even thinking like that considering he only thinks about banging you, cuddling or catching cars on fire. Low and behold though, you had an internal bully that was slowly breaking you down.

"Why you frownin'?" Baji snapped you out of your thoughts, getting right in your face and squinting. You were supposed to be enjoying your date with him, yet you ended up staring off more often and mumbling here and there when he spoke to you. Baji liked to assume he knew you pretty damn good and he could tell something was eating at you. Especially since you have been talking about this date all week and you're now distant as can be.

"Oh, it's nothing. Been a long day." You flash a bright smile, one that you hoped he'd buy and take. Baji leans back and observes you, eyes still wary as you blink up at him, feigning innocence.

"That's a bunch of shit. Afraid ya can't talk to me?" He asks, sounding mildly offended while he takes your hand in his, dragging you away from lingering and curious souls. You don't get to protest and you mumble an apology when your shoulder accidentally bumps into someone else and your eyes stay locked onto Baji's back.

"Baji, I said I'm fine. What makes you think something is wrong?" You're curious as he stops and plops onto a bench, legs spreading wide as he pats his leg for you to sit on. Which you do and he looks up at the starry sky.

"I've had to put up with your constant bitching about makin' time to come out here and enjoy the festival and now you're lost in your own fuckin world." Baji bites, not meaning to sound fed up or anything. He was genuinely concerned and you bit the inside of your cheek. "I just worry, okay?" His voice softens, fingers rubbing small circles in your lower back.

You sigh, wondering how you would even explain yourself? Because what if it sounded completely stupid? Or he ends up agreeing with your fears? That you're only good for your looks. Oh it scared you so much.

"Um..it's stupid really." You mess with your hands, words failing you as Baji watched you curiously. He never really saw you act like this, all worked up unless it was over clothes or something girly. So to see you actually bent out of shape over something? Baji didn't want to leave you alone until he knew what or who it could be that was causing this.

"It can't be as stupid as Pah-Chin, so c'mon and tell me what's bothering you."

"Now that's just rude," You scold lightly and Baji scoffs, urging you on by motioning with his free hand, "um..do you just love me because I'm pretty?" There it was, out in the open. Your face burns and you chew your bottom lip, biting down hard as Baji stares at you.

Did he hear that right? "What kinda question is that? Yeah, sure you're smokin' hot but...who said I only loved you for your looks?" Baji questioned and you blink, shaking your head quickly. The last thing you needed was for him to go on some violent warpath for no reason.

"No, no! It's just one of my..insecurities. I feel like people only like me or whatever because I'm pretty and nothing else." You mumble quietly, eyes cast downward in shame. Saying it out loud felt so odd, ridiculous and stupid just like you thought. Why would someone like you have insecurities?

"You're stupid smart and you help me when I can't figure shit out, you got a heart of gold and you make me a better person. I'm not good with this comfort shit but you're more than just your looks." Baji says bluntly, pulling you close so that your head rests against his chest. He didn't have the smoothest way with words and he spoke off the top of his head but it seemed to do the trick. He could feel you shaking in his arms and when he tipped your head up to look at him, tears were streaming down your cheeks.

"I-I was scared you'd wanna leav–" You stumble on your words but you're cut off as Baji smashes his lips on yours. He didn't want to hear your blubbering about him leaving you, instead he rather shower you with affection. You melt against him, hands moving to rest on his shoulders, your mind is made into mush as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, tugging gently until he releases it and nudges his nose against yours.

"I ain't leaving you, not now. Not ever. You're stuck with my ass." Baji reassures gently, giving you a toothy grin that has your heart fluttering.

"Good, cause same," You smile, wiping your eyes, "though I am sorry for ruining tonight." You glance at the time on your phone and pout. Curfew was in half an hour and you spent all evening being a baby.

Baji stands with you in his arms, hands planted right on your ass as he walks away further from the bustling festival. "You didn't ruin anything. Just talk to me next time you're feeling sad or..doubtful." He didn't understand girls or their ever changing emotions. But he didn't like seeing you sad over something that is easily reassured. So he'd always be there for you, regardless.

"Thanks, Kei. I love you." You fling your arms around Baji's neck and hug him tight, earning a low chuckle and a swift smack on the bottom.

"Love you too baby."

[mypoisonedvine]

𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘬 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 || niki lauda x reader

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: niki takes only very calculated risks, except when you’re around to show him how to have a bit more fun.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: about 3k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪��𝘨𝘴: smut (semi-public sex, rough-ish sex, road head, very slight dubcon but really just mild hesitance), a touch of degradation (but it comes from a place of love I promise), spanking (briefly), established relationship, niki being massively introverted and slightly rude (but like, same)

[gif is mine, which explains why it looks so bad]

“How long do we have to stay here?” Niki mumbled into your ear, making you roll your eyes.

“We’ve only just arrived,” you reminded him.  “It’s a lovely afternoon, it’s a beautiful property, and I want you to meet my friends.”

“I know, I’m not trying to suggest we leave too quickly, I just want to know how much dull conversation I’m in for.”

You shoved his shoulder, only as hard as you thought you could without disturbing the flute of champagne in his hand.  “I hope nobody hears you talking that way.”

Before he could respond, the owner of the aforementioned beautiful property stepped up and extended his hand to Niki warmly.  “You must be the elusive Nikolaus we’ve heard so much about!”

“Just Niki is fine, thank you,” he returned with a firm shake and a polite smile.  “It’s nice to meet you.”

The small talk went on that way for a while, with Niki just barely managing to come across as socially acceptable and thankfully staying away from too much racing talk (even when other guests tried to egg him on for more details about it).

That was one of the many interesting things about your boyfriend: it wasn’t that he lacked any social intelligence, in fact he had more than most crowds he was in put together, it was just that he didn’t really seem to mind if people saw him as a bit cold or standoffish.  He could be incredibly charming, after all he had charmed you quite easily, but he preferred to be brutally honest.  All was well so long as honesty and politeness didn’t interfere.

After a few conversations where you clung to his arm and laughed at all his jokes, you could see him becoming visibly tired of it all; he ran his fingers through his sandy-blonde curls more often, he began to toy with the button of his blazer, all signs of subtle irritation that only you would pick up on.  It made you realize you should find a way to excuse the two of you for a moment, to give him a break.

“Say, Niki, would you like to take a walk in the vineyard?” you offered, hoping your friends would pick up on the signal not to invite themselves along.

“Yes, schatz, that would be lovely,” he nodded, and as the two of you quickly waved goodbye to those you had been conversing with, he grabbed your hand and intertwined his fingers with yours.

“What do you think of them?” you prompted when you were far enough away from everyone else that you knew he wouldn’t be heard.

“They have a lot of questions,” he mumbled exhaustedly, making you laugh.

“They want to get to know you better!  I’ve been subjecting them to hours of going on and on about you, no wonder they’re excited to finally hear it straight from the man himself,” you explained.  

“I imagine they’re rather disappointed,” he smirked.

“Niki, of course they’re not!” you gasped.  “In fact, I bet they’re pleasantly surprised considering I told them so many awful things about you.”

He laughed lightly, looking down at the ground, and you walked around in front of him to grab the lapel of his blazer and pull him closer.  As he leaned in for a kiss, you kept leaning back with a smirk, making him chase you.  It didn’t last long, of course, his patience running thin until he grabbed your face and crashed his lips against yours.  You melted into it, moaning softly when his tongue traced over your lips and finally slipped into your mouth.

It was you chasing him when he pulled back, already totally lost in him and ready to ditch the party just to kiss him for an hour.

“You shouldn’t tease me like that,” he decided, looking at you with half-lidded eyes and lips that were a bit pinker than usual as well as fallen slack.

“You shouldn’t kiss me so good after I tease you like that, and I’ll have no reason to,” you countered.

When you turned around you realized you were approaching the driveway where you’d parked in the first place, and Niki immediately stepped up to the car.  “Let’s take a drive,” he suggested, but it didn’t quite feel like a suggestion when he was already opening your door for you and ushering you in.

“Wh— really?” you questioned, but you were already in your seat and he had shut the door behind you, circling the front of the car to get in the driver’s seat.  “Where are we going to go?” you asked when he got behind the wheel and turned the key.

“Just around, we’ll be back soon,” he shrugged, and you decided not to question it anymore; clearly, this was his best way to clear his head, and you were just happy he wanted you to come with him.

He took the car out of the driveway and started a journey down the road; you looked out the window at the scenery rolling by, and realized this was probably as good a way as any to show him the vineyard like you promised.  But, when you looked back at him where he was stoically staring out, steering through the twists and turns of the countryside road like it was second nature, you decided it was a better view than the scenery outside.

When you reached up to turn on the radio, he quickly smacked your hand— lightly, but enough to make you frown.  “Hey!” you defended, returning your hand to your lap.

“I prefer not to have music on when I drive,” he explained.  “It distracts me.”

You snorted out a laugh.  “You’re one of the best drivers alive, I figured you can manage a few distractions.”

“I can,” he countered, and you were a bit surprised that he didn’t challenge the qualifier of one of the best drivers alive.   “I just mean that the sound of the car is more entertaining to me than music.”

That answer sounded a lot more like the Niki you knew, and you smiled as you laid back against the passenger seat.  “You have a funny idea of entertainment, Niki,” you informed him.

“I know,” he nodded.

Glancing over at him, admiring his profile as he stared down at the road ahead, your lip caught in your teeth as you had a really, really bad idea.  “So you can drive with distractions?”

“If I need to,” he shrugged.

“Then maybe we can both get some entertainment,” you purred, sitting up and starting to lean closer to him.

“Schatz, what are you doing?” he stammered slightly, watching you with wide eyes as you reached to his belt, opening it quickly and already unzipping his fly.

“Shh, focus on the road Niki,” you winked, pulling his cock from his trousers and grinning at the way he gasped slightly.  It wasn’t quite hard yet, but it was growing quickly in your grasp, and a few kitten licks over the tip certainly helped him along.

“F-fuck,” he whispered above you, and you fought your smile as you wrapped your lips around him.  “Fuck.”

You hollowed your cheeks and bobbed your head, moaning a bit just from the taste of a drop of precum forming at his slit and smearing on your tongue.

“Wait, this— this is dangerous,” he breathed, and you kept stroking while you pulled off to reply.

“Shouldn’t be if you drive steady.”

“I can do that,” he nodded.  “I think…”

You got back to it before he could start worrying again.  The poor guy was always thinking, constantly assessing and analyzing everything, and it honestly sounded fucking exhausting.  Sometimes you thought sucking him off was the only way to really get him out of his head, and considering the way his body relaxed under your touch and he let out a soft sigh, this was one of those times.

“Baby,” he moaned lowly as your lips met the base of his cock, and although you were certainly partial to the petnames in his native tongue, you really didn’t mind the way he called you ‘baby’ either.  It made you want to keep him buried in your throat forever, but sadly you could only go so long without breathing.

So, instead, you just found a pattern you were happy with of sucking the head and stroking the rest.

“Oh, fuck,” he hissed, reaching down with one hand to hold the back of your head, guiding your movements.

You had to be careful not to block the gear shift when you were bent over like this, which was a bit uncomfortable but ultimately so worth it when he shifted gears quickly while you were still bobbing your head over his length.  Now you understood why he liked to hear the car… because now you could feel the car, feel the engine’s thrum as it reverberated through the steel and over your body.  It was actually a bit erotic, now that you thought about it; but then again, everything seems erotic when you’re as turned on as you were in the moment, your body crying out for more than it would have a chance to get any time soon.

He shifted gears again, taking the car around a tight turn, and you held onto his thighs tightly to keep from moving too much.  Thankfully he kept his promise to drive steady and it was pretty easy to keep your pace, even to speed it up as you hoped he would come down your throat without ever stopping the car or even slowing down.

The way he hissed in a sharp breath and grabbed your hair, accidentally pulling it (which you certainly didn't mind), made you think it wasn't so far off.

"God, you're a devil with that tongue, schatz," he groaned.  "Your mouth is so fucking sweet, you'll make me come."

You hoped your little hum around him made it clear that that was exactly what you wanted.

"You'll swallow it all, yes?" he pressed.  "You're not going to let any mess get on my beautiful leather seats, are you?"

You hummed again, sucking harder, and he moaned a bit louder.

"Fuck, j-just like that," he sighed.  "Don't— ah— don't stop, schatz, I'm close."

As if you would stop when all you could think about was the taste of him, how badly you wanted it to coat your tongue.  Already you could feel his cock starting to flex against your tongue and you doubled your efforts to bring him to the edge.  Normally you didn’t get a chance to hear his little moans and sighs because you were too busy making your own, so with your mouth full you could appreciate the sounds he made just for you.

It was only a stuttered gasp that signaled his release, just before ropes of warm come started to hit the back of your throat.  You narrowly avoided gagging from the way his hand pushed you down and held you there, but you moaned around him at the taste.  Your channel was throbbing, clearly annoyed that he was coming anywhere else.

Niki whispered your name, nearly choked on it, and let go as the pulses began to die down and he let out a long, sharp breath.  But you weren’t quite done; you kept moving for a few moments, slowly, making sure to have every drop in your mouth before you finally pulled off and swallowed; you noticed a spare drop of come rolling down his shaft and stuck your tongue out to lick it up in a quick swipe while he noticeably tensed beneath you.

He spared a glance at you as you sat up and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, and you didn’t miss the shocked, yet exhausted, look on his face.  "Satisfied?" you asked with a proud grin.

"Not quite," he answered in a growl, pulling the car to the side of the road and parking it quickly.  "Get out and bend over the hood."

"Niki, what if someone—?"

"I think I made myself clear, get out and bend over the hood, schatz."

The petname had a lot more venom to it when he said it like that, with a cold sneer on his lips, and that likely should’ve deterred you but it only stoked the flame of need burning in your gut, and you nodded meekly before opening your door and getting out of the car.  He followed you as you bent over, placing his body behind your as he pulled your dress up and your panties down.

Right away he swiped two fingers through your folds and you shuddered.  "Dripping wet," he observed with a smirk.  "Do you like having my cock in your mouth that much?"

You nodded, trying to rock your hips for more friction.

"This pussy must have been so lonely,” he realized.  “Want me to fill you up, pretty girl?”

“Please,” you breathed, but even you didn’t expect him to shove into you in one stroke, right away, spearing you right to the brim as you choked on a gasp.  And he was moving right away, too, giving you no time to adjust to the girth of him.  "Fuck, Niki!" you whined, earning you a hard spank to your ass.  

You should’ve known he’d get back at you for those few minutes where you wielded power over him.  Well, actually, you sort of had known, which was part of why you did it in the first place.

For a man who had just come already, he fucked you with a lot more desperation than you were expecting, fast and rough and dirty.  But you realized it was more for your benefit than his; damn him, he always knew exactly what you needed and gave it to you effortlessly, operating your body with the same intuitive precision he drove his cars with.

And if we're continuing with the car metaphors, then reaching around to rub your clit while he fucked you was like kicking you into high gear.

"Ohhhh my god," you crooned, arching your back and trying to push back against his thrusts.

"It feels good?" he asked, like it wasn't obvious.

"Feels so fucking good, Niki, please please please don't stop," you begged.  Because you wouldn't put it past him to stop all of a sudden— to slam on the e-brake and not move again until you squirmed and cried and pleaded your little heart out.  But even he wouldn't be so cruel now, and he kept fucking you as he pinched your clit hard.

"That's what I thought," he nodded, leaning down to wrap his body over yours and speak into your ear.  "You're moaning like a little whore, you know."

"M'your whore," you gasped.  "Yours, fuck, it's all for you."

He stood back up straight with a grin and held your hips as he started to really pound into you, your walls beginning to pulse rhythmically as you felt him rubbing over every sensitive spot inside you.  His cock was so deep that it felt like you struggled to breathe slightly each time he shoved all the way inside.

It was a bit out of character for him, much more aggressive than he would normally be, but you didn't pull over expecting to make love on the car.  No, this was fucking, through and through, and you were already going to hit your high so much sooner than you could've anticipated: pressure was building inside you faster than you knew what to do with, and your clit was literally throbbing with only his balls slapping against it to provide any relief.

"Oh god, Niki, baby, I'm… I'm gonna come," you panted.

"Do it, then," he instructed roughly.  "Come around my cock, schatz, and scream nice and loud for me since nobody's around to hear you."

Your knees buckled when it hit you, thankfully you had the car and his tight grip to keep you upright.  “Fuck, Niki,” you sobbed, and he laughed proudly before spitting out his demand:

“Louder.”

“Niki!” you yelped, and apparently you had finally said it loud enough, because he was suddenly groaning and spilling inside you, holding your hips tight enough to bruise to keep you still as he thrusted erratically.

You hummed happily and let your head fall onto the warm hood of the car, body going limp as he finally stilled and let out a slow sigh.  He was careful as he pulled out, but you were still so sensitive that it made your toes curl inside your shoes just a bit.

Even though he was quick to pull your panties back up, a drop of his come still managed to leak out of your hole and drip down your thigh.  With no intent to let it go to waste, Niki swiped it up with the tip of his finger and brought it to your lips for you to lick off; you were still a bit groggy in the afterglow but happily obliged, suckling the digit with a little simultaneous moan and sigh.

“We should be getting back to the party soon,” Niki mumbled, helping you stand upright and straightening your dress for you.  

“Do I look alright?” you asked, opening the passenger door and flipping down the visor to try to use the small mirror inside.

“You look gorgeous,” he smiled.

“I mean more if I look like I didn’t just leave a garden party to get railed by my boyfriend on the side of the road only to then return like nothing happened,” you explained.

“Oh… yeah, no, you do look a bit like that’s exactly what you’ve done,” he nodded.  “Do you really think they’ll notice?”

“Well, I guess we just have to hope they don’t,” you decided as you attempted to fix your lipstick as best as possible.  “And if they do… then we'll hope we don’t end up reading some unsavory gossip about Ferrari’s newest driver in the papers tomorrow.”

He laughed as he got back in the driver’s seat, starting the car while you hopped in (a bit too fast; you winced when you sat down and realized you were still slightly sore and probably would be for the rest of the day).  “Trust me, schatz, in this industry, fucking your girlfriend only qualifies as unsavory gossip when you already have a wife at home.  And even then, you can get away with it a few times.”

“Right,” you snorted as you rolled your eyes, “I forget sometimes that you’re considered a goody two-shoes for a racer.”

“I hope you didn’t agree to be my girlfriend in search of wild adventures with the bad boy type,” he smirked.

“We just fucked on the car right on the side of the road, Niki,” you reminded him, “believe it or not that’s pretty wild for most of us.”

“For me as well,” he agreed.  “It’s you that makes me so bold... sometimes I can hardly believe the things I do because you’re near.”

You smiled happily to yourself, relaxing back against the seat with a deep breath.  Just when you let your eyes fall shut as you listened to the engine with him, you were surprised when you heard him turn the radio on.

You, you make loving fun

It’s all I wanna do…

You chuckled.  “I like this song,” you announced, reaching to turn it up slightly, though it was still mainly background music as you watched the hillside roll by.

He surprised you again by reaching out and resting his hand on your thigh, rubbing his thumb over your skin.  But his eyes were still on the road, even when you looked over at him, and you recognized the driveway where you’d started down the end of the way.

“Back to reality, eh?” you sighed.

“For now,” he decided.  “I should make you meet other drivers and pit crew as revenge for all these social engagements you take me too.”

“Niki, that would require you to socialise with other drivers and pit crew, too,” you noted.

He shuddered.  “You should be safe for now, then.”

[imjustanauthor]

Jeremiah had been dreading his trip to NYC. This went without saying, of course - if small towns put him on edge, then the most densely populated city in the entire country was certainly going to be a problem for him. Needs must, though, and he'd forced himself to go despite his deeply held tension regarding the entire matter.

Of course, the first thing he'd done on arrival was get lost. Jeremiah had predicted that such a thing would happen - that's why he'd decided to try and find the FBI building immediately instead of seeking out a hotel. He wasn't due there for another day, but he didn't want to get lost when he actually had an appointment to keep!

Really, it was pretty embarrassing that he'd got lost at all. He really didn't understand the city, though, and he didn't have a map either. Jeremiah had considered stopping someone to ask for directions, but the locals all seemed rather rude. So, with no other option, he'd taken to wandering, desperately trying to spot a street sign that matched something on the directions he'd written down.

He'd walked forwards and backwards along the same street five times before he was interrupted. Jeremiah jumped, surprised as he twitchily turned to face the woman speaking to him. Oh. A woman and a baby. That was, uh... Nice? Not that Jeremiah minded kids, of course! He'd just been a bit uneasy around them since... Yeah.

"Uh..."

Right. What was he supposed to say now? Because he was lost, but he didn't want to bother anybody, nor did he want to risk being lured into some kind of trap. A woman and a baby could still be up to no good, right? Mind you, if this was a trap, he was still confident that he'd dealt with worse. Well, assuming that she wasn't some kind of cultist, anyway.

"I'm trying to find the FBI building. That Manhattan one, so I think I'm still in the right area. I have these instructions, look?" Jeremiah showed the woman a crumpled piece of paper with scribbled basic directions. "I need to talk to them tomorrow about a fugitive that I saw out in the park, and they didn't want to come to me so I've had to come to them, and don't know where I am. I thought maybe I go up this road here, but I don't think that's right."

@imjustanauthor

Manhattan was quite the jungle if folks were unfamiliar with it. Sure the tourists lapped it up but Andrea believed she could always spot someone who was not there for pleasure and was totally lost. She'd spotted a man walking up and down the street outside the cafe she was sat in with her baby daughter and took real pity on him. He looked so lost and out of place, the poor thing! It was a scary place to be without knowing where you were and if you didn't know the building names or the street numbers, they might as well have guessed a direction, they'd have just as much chance.

She'd gathered up her belongings, wrapped up a muffin in a tissue and went to go and help the poor guy. A baby bag on her back and little Amelia strapped into a sling in front of her she approached him. Oh the little dear! He looked almost afraid!

"Excuse me," she called to him, moving so that she could catch his eye in front of him, "You look very lost," an observation really as she smiled at him sympathetically. "Where are you trying to get to, maybe I can help, hm?" All gentle and encouraging. Teddy had warned her about approaching strangers, especially with Mia in her arms but really, this man looked about as dangerous as a piece of cotton wool to her.

[pumpkinpaix]

hello there, hope you're having a nice day <3

so i've been reading a lot of fics lately, uk for sanity's sake, and i've noticed that in most of them, lwj doesn't use contractions (eg., says do not instead of don't)?? and i think he doesn't in the novel either but i don't remember lol so i can't be sure but anyway that made me curious - does chinese have contractions as well? does he not use it bc it's informal?

hello there! I’m doing all right, i started to answer this ask while waiting for a jingyeast loaf to come out of the oven 😊 many thanks to @bookofstars for helping me look over/edit/correct this post!! :D

anyways! the answer to your questions are complicated (of course it is when is anything simple with me), so let’s see if I can break it down--you’re asking a) whether chinese has contractions, b) if it does, how does they change the tone of the sentence--is it similar to english or no?, and c) how does this all end up with lan wangji pretty much never using contractions in english fic/translation?

I’m gonna start by talking about how formality is (generally) expressed in each language, and hopefully, by the end of this post, all the questions will have been answered in one way or another. so: chinese and english express variations in formality/register differently, oftentimes in ways that run contrary to one another. I am, as always, neither a linguist nor an expert in chinese and english uhhh sociological grammar? for lack of a better word. I’m speaking from my own experience and knowledge :D

so with a character like lan wangji, it makes perfect sense in english to write his dialogue without contractions, as contractions are considered informal or colloquial. I don’t know if this has changed in recent years, but I was always taught in school to never use contractions in my academic papers.

However! not using contractions necessarily extends the length of the sentence: “do not” takes longer to say than “don’t”, “cannot” is longer than “can’t” etc. in english, formality is often correlated with sentence length: the longest way you can say something ends up sounding the most formal. for a very simplified example, take this progression from least formal to absurdly formal:

whatcha doin’?

what’re you doing?

what are you doing? [standard colloquial]

may I ask what you are doing?

might I inquire as to what you are doing?

excuse me, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

pardon my intrusion, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

please pardon my intrusion, but might inquire as to the nature of your current actions?

this is obviously a somewhat overwrought example, but you get the point. oftentimes, the longer, more complex, more indirect sentence constructions indicate a greater formality, often because there is a simultaneous decreasing of certainty. downplaying the speaker’s certainty can show deference (or weakness) in english, while certainty tends to show authority/confidence (or aggression/rudeness).

different words also carry different implications of formality—in the example, I switched “excuse me” to “pardon me” during one of the step ups. pardon (to me at least) feels like a more formal word than “excuse”. Similarly, “inquire” is more formal than “ask” etc. I suspect that at least some of what makes one word seem more formal than one of its synonyms has to do with etymology. many of english’s most formal/academic words come from latin (which also tends to have longer words generally!), while our personal/colloquial words tend to have germanic origins (inquire [latin] vs ask [germanic]).

you’ll also notice that changing a more direct sentence structure (“may I ask what”) to a more indirect one (“might I inquire as to”) also jumps a register. a lot of english is like this — you can complicate simple direct sentences by switching the way you use the verbs/how many auxiliaries you use etc.

THE POINT IS: with regards to english, more formal sentence structures are often (not always) longer and more indirect than informal ones. this leads us to a problem with a character like lan wangji.

lan wangji is canonically very taciturn. if he can express his meaning in two words rather than three, then he will. and chinese allows for this—in extreme ways. if you haven’t already read @hunxi-guilai’s post on linguistic register (in CQL only, but it’s applicable across the board), I would start there because haha! I certainly do Not have a degree in Classical Chinese lit and she does a great job. :D

you can see from the examples that hunxi chose that often, longer sentences tend to be more informal in chinese (not always, which I’ll circle back to at the end lol). Colloquial chinese makes use of helping particles to indicate tone and meaning, as is shown in wei wuxian’s dialogue. and, as hunxi explained, those particles are largely absent from lan wangji’s speech pattern. chinese isn’t built of “words” in the way English is—each character is less a word and more a morpheme—and the language allows for a lot of information to be encoded in one character. a single character can often stand for a phrase within a sentence without sacrificing either meaning or formality. lan wangji makes ample use of this in order to express himself in the fewest syllables possible.

so this obviously leads to an incongruity when trying to translate his dialogue or capture his voice in English: shorter sentences are usually more direct by nature, and directness/certainty is often construed as rudeness -- but it might seem strange to see lan wangji’s dialogue full of longer sentences while the narration explicitly says that he uses very short sentences. so what happens is that many english fic writers extrapolated this into creating an english speech pattern for lan wangji that reads oddly. they’ll have lan wangji speak in grammatically incoherent fragments that distill his intended thought because they’re trying to recreate his succinctness. unfortunately, English doesn’t have as much freedom as Chinese does in this way, and it results in lan wangji sounding as if he has some kind of linguistic impediment and/or as if he’s being unspeakably rude in certain situations. In reality, lan wangji’s speech is perfectly polite for a young member of the gentry (though he’s still terribly rude in other ways lol). he speaks in full, and honestly, quite eloquent sentences.

hunxi’s post already has a lot of examples, but I figure I’ll do one as well focused on the specifics of this post.

I’m going to use this exchange from chapter 63 between the twin jades because I think it’s a pretty simple way to illustrate what I’m talking about:

蓝曦臣道：“你亲眼所见？”

蓝忘机道：“他亲眼所见。”

蓝曦臣道：“你相信他？”

蓝忘机道：“信。”

[...] 蓝曦臣道：“那么金光瑶呢？”

蓝忘机道：“不可信。”

my translation:

Lan Xichen said, “You saw it with your own eyes?”

Lan Wangji said, “He saw it with his own eyes.”

Lan Xichen said, “You believe him?”

Lan Wangji said, “I believe him.”

[...] Lan Xichen said, “Then what about Jin Guangyao?”

Lan Wangji said, “He cannot be believed.”

you can see how much longer the (pretty literal) english translations are! every single line of dialogue is expanded because things that can be omitted in chinese cannot be omitted in english without losing grammatical coherency. i‘ll break a few of them down:

Lan Xichen’s first line:

你 (you) 亲眼 (with one’s own eyes) 所 (literary auxiliary) 见 (met/saw)？

idk but i love this line a lot lmao. it just has such an elegant feel to me, probably because I am an uncultured rube. anyways, you see here that he expressed his full thought in five characters.

if I were to rewrite this sentence into something much less formal/much more modern, I might have it become something like this:

你是自己看见的吗？

你 (you) 是 (to be) 自己 (oneself) 看见 (see) 的 (auxiliary) 吗 (interrogative particle)？

i suspect that this construction might even be somewhat childish? I’ve replaced every single formal part of the sentence with a more colloquial one. instead of 亲眼 i’ve used 自己, instead of 所见 i’ve used 看见的 and then also added an interrogative particle at the end for good measure (吗). To translate this, I would probably go with “Did you see it yourself?”

contained in this is also an example of how one character can represent a whole concept that can also be represented with two characters: 见 vs 看见. in this example, both mean “to see”. we’ll see it again in the next example as well:

in response to lan xichen’s, “you believe him?” --> 你 (you) 相信 (believe) 他 (him)? lan wangji answers with, “信” (believe).

chinese does not do yes or no questions in the same way that english does. there is no catch-all for yes or no, though there are general affirmative (是／有) and negative (不／没) characters. there are other affirmative/negative characters, but these are the ones that I believe are the most common and also the ones that you may see in response to yes or no questions on their own. (don’t quote me on that lol)

regardless, the way you respond to a yes or no question is often by repeating the verb phrase either in affirmative or negative. so here, when lan xichen asks if lan wangji believes wei wuxian, lan wangji responds “believe”. once again, you can see that one character can stand in for a concept that may also be expressed in two characters: 信 takes the place of 相信. lan wangji could have responded with “相信” just as well, but, true to his character, he didn’t because he didn’t need to. this is still a complete sentence. lan wangji has discarded the subject (I), the object (him), and also half the verb (相), and lost no meaning whatsoever. you can’t do this in english!

and onto the last exchange:

lan xichen: 那么 (then) 金光瑶 (jin guangyao) 呢 (what about)？

lan wangji: 不可 (cannot) 信 (believe)

you can actually see the contrast between the two brothers’ speech patterns even in this. lan xichen’s question is not quite as pared down as it could be. if it were wangji’s line instead, I would expect it to read simply “金光瑶呢？” which would just be “what about jin guangyao?” 那么 isn’t necessary to convey the core thought -- it’s just as how “then what about” is different than “what about”, but “then” is not necessary to the central question. if we wanted to keep the “then” aspect, you could still cut out 么 and it would be the same meaning as well.

a FINAL example of how something can be cut down just because I think examples are helpful:

“I don’t know” is usually given as 我不知道. (this is what nie huaisang says lol) It contains subject (我) and full verb (知道). you can pare this straight down to just 不知 and it would mean the same thing in the correct context. i think most of the characters do this at least once? it sounds more literary -- i don’t know that i would ever use it in everyday speech, but the fact remains that it’s a possibility. both could be translated as “I do not know” and it would be accurate.

ANYWAYS, getting all the way back to one of your original questions: does chinese have contractions? and the answer is like... kind of...?? but not really. there’s certainly slang/dialect variants that can be used in ways that are reminiscent of english contractions. the example I’m thinking of is the character 啥 (sha2) which can be used as slang in place of 什么 (shen2 me). (which means “what”)

so for a standard sentence of, 你在做什么? (what are you doing), you could shorten down to just 做啥? and the second construction is less formal than the first, but they mean the same thing.

other slang i can think of off the top of my head: 干嘛 (gan4 ma2) is also informal slang for “what are you doing”. and i think this is a regional thing, but you can also use 搞 (gao3) and 整 (zheng3) to mean “do” as well.

so in the same way that you can replace 什么 with 啥, you can replace 做 as well to get constructions like 搞啥 (gao3 sha2) and 整啥 (zheng3 sha2).

these are all different ways to say “what are you doing” lmao, and in this case, shorter is not, in fact, more formal.

woo! we made it to the end! I hope it was informative and helpful to you anon. :D

this is where I would normally throw my ko-fi, but instead, I’m actually going to link you to this fundraising post for an old fandom friend of mine. her house burned down mid-september and they could still use help if anyone can spare it! if this post would have moved you to buy me a ko-fi, please send that money to her family instead. :) rbs are also appreciated on the post itself. (* ´▽` *)

anyways, here’s the loaf jingyeast made :3 it was very tasty.