#don't clown on this I'm being serious
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kunaigirl · 5 months ago
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Random thought but does anyone else feel like TV shows don't give a shit anymore? I don't care if "Very Special Episodes" age into laughable corniness after 20+ years or whatever. They were still legitimate teachable moments especially for young viewers, even if they weren't perfect. And a lot of the time, flaws and all, they still meant well and impacted generations of kids for the better.
Was I even alive for the 1986 episode of Punky Brewster that tackled witnessing the live challenger explosion? No I wasn't. But I WAS a first grader who's teacher played a VHS copy of that episode for my class after we all watched 9/11 happen live. We talked about it and learned about the coping skills the kids in the show were taught. I still remember it all these years later.
Especially for kids, ESPECIALLY NOW, we should bring that shit back. Cringe culture be fucking DAMNED. I don't care if it's "cheesy" or imperfect. Because holy shit kids need SOMETHING. As a kid I watched TV al the time, and now-a-days it's streaming. I don't care! Bring back "very special episodes" and PSAs. We've already seen how things are when they're not around anymore, we're living it.
Will things like special episodes solve the world's problems? Obviously not. But they'd at least be trying. And if even a few kids gain something from them, isn't that good enough? It is to me and so many others.
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bixels · 11 months ago
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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knockknockitsnickels · 3 months ago
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Doodles of my fan-princess, the Rockstar. Instead of escaping the cabin she wants you to join her band. You get her if you walk down the stairs and start beatboxing
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that-spider-fan-over-there · 6 months ago
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How the fuck I blocked the tag and I still got spoilers I'll never know but oh GOD I AM LOSING IT SO HARD RIGHT NOW I SAW SOME NEW BNHA PAGES (and why did they add more pages the horses are already dead leave it be) I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER HERE-
Oh my God it wasn't enough he pretty much said "if you're not A Good Abuse Victim you Deserve death" and "you can only follow your dreams through Privilege or Money" by pure accident, no, he also had to go Bury Your Gays, take the most underdeveloped of all MF manga ships and made it canon with no proper buildup on top of the most lameass ending I've seen in A While- I'd be more mad as a BKDK shipper (and HMCK-adjacent shipper? Idk) if it was months ago but now it's just hilarious like wow you had to just to kill the vibe of the shippers as a last fuck you-
(That said wow Himiko really, fucking literally died to advance that ship, God I hate it here-)
EDIT: HE CONFIRMED TOUYA DIED!? GOD SOMEONE SHUT THAT MAN UP-
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dandyshucks · 9 months ago
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wait one more post bc i had a realization that perhaps not everyone knows this lol.
some people genuinely just enjoy being antagonistic and being kind of shitty. i very likely have a deeper insight into this than a lot of people because one of our parts/alters is like that lmao. he just thinks it's fun to mess with people and make people get reactive, and will continue to engage until he's bored and then he just... moves on with his day.
there is no way to "win" in this situation other than to just exit the conversation (aka block them if you're online). you're not going to "own" them or change their minds; if you engage w them in any way you're just feeding into that behaviour.
I'm not passing judgement on this either lol - I'm not saying people like that are bad (god knows we'd be lost without [redacted] ngl, he gets shit done and he gives us a necessary break from the constant feelings of terror and shame), and I'm not saying you Shouldn't engage with them. you make your own decisions here. I'm just letting you know the mindset of people who act this way
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tapakah0 · 8 months ago
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YOU DID IT WHEEEEEEEZE Okay without jokes I have been reading random stories and other stuff where everyone had like a family trauma or one parent leave or no parents at all and so on. And even if someone had a normal family they were sidekicks. That started annoying me and I was wondering if I will see in the future something like THIS. Another point to you WHEEEEEEEEZE I LOVE IT
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Part 15 :0
I think this is the last part of this episode ahahaha
In case you're wondering, Oscar's parents are happily married and absolutely in love with each other. All parents. All four. of them.
And he has three younger siblings he absolutely adores~
Previous
Masterpost Ref for their fucked up villain family tree
#HEEEREE IT GOES you mentioned another level of clown f*ckery and I'm here to absorb it heghgrhger#But this was a good question.. before he mentioned sister XDDD#Okay Ward sweetie sweetheart being considerable about other people's feeling and just over here knowing what Oscar is and protecting Holly#From Oscar XDDDDD#“Wh..” Ward c'mon he thinks rationally... it doesn't help for sure#ALCOR MY BABY *cough* Look at him#*inhale* Sea temple.... If I will have powers for detailed background work I really wanna draw teegardenians landscapes and sea temple#sounds so nice....#Wait-wait-wait what Ward is doing with his hair? And Holly reaches for it? Eh?#MMMM. Of course he has not a good family ha-ha.... Hard working and considerable and it comes from these problems mm#FINALLY MOTHER I SEE HER... and right after she look so... worn off? But still smiles... I think she was trying to be a good mother afteral#Ah hehehe makes something. HELP. Yep. Marmors are losers until adopted like Alcor#He is good I absolutely believe in it. No doubts /100% serious#ADHAGHSGAHGSAHSG celebrities divorces are everywhere on news always XDDDDD#HELP NOW OBVIOUS FROM WHO HE TOOK MOST. HELP HGDHWGHGHAGHGDSW . PAYING WAY TO FREEDOM#YESA SHADFGHGDHDAGHDA ALL COMICS ENEMIES TO LOVERS PROVE IT. I MEAN OF COURSE THEY HAD THEY BOTH KILL WHEEEEZE. I MEAN THEY ALL KILL#WHEEEEEEEEZE IT WAS HOT THE COURT IS DEAD ON FLOOR I CAN SEE IT. THEIR COUNTERS ARE AHDGHWDGHGDW#OH MY GOD ALL KIDS ARE F***ED UP IN A GOOD WAY I LOVE IT THEY HAVE THAT BRAINCELL IN THEM AHGHSGHGAS#AHDGHDGHDGHDGHDS THEY ALL LIVE TOGETHER CHANGE MY MIND#THEY DID WHEEEEEEZE OH MY GOD IT IS PERFECT DREAMS COME TRUE#OH MY GOD ALCOR. HE WILL SPEAK THANK GOD I WANNA SEE HIS GROWTH OH MY GOD#Holly.... don't ask... yet...#fav#HELP#marble sky
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kostecko27 · 4 months ago
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"Of course the reward for completing the DT role quests is the clown music 🙄"
Yeah, the clown music that played during a significant amount of the quests' cutscenes and 3 out of 5 of the fights themselves (not counting the capstone quest fight)
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womanofwords · 2 months ago
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Everybody's Favourite (Part 3)
Over the next few days, you and Penguin get really close. Penguin teaches you the ins and outs of business: branding, advertising, pricing. You encourage Penguin to invest in something that people could go to during the day. "Maybe an ice cream place or coffee," you mused. "You can name it whatever you want."
Penguin looked at you with glee. "I like the way you think. Helps me be less shadowy."
Word spread about the kidnapping scarily fast. "Oswald, are the rumours true? Do you really have one of the Wayne kids here?" the Riddler asked, dropping by.
"Yes, Y/N Wayne. I've been trying to get their idiot father to believe that they're in my custody, but no dice." Penguin dropped his voice to a terrified whisper. "Half of my collection has been organised in five hours! Do you have any idea how large my collection is?"
"Yeesh. Do they know that Bruce Wayne is being about as useful as a map drawn in invisible ink?"
"They must have some clue. They were supposed to have been gone by now, but they're still here. They even made a joke about their family wouldn't notice that they were gone."
Penguin spluttered as he gestured at you. You were asleep in a pile of blankets in lieu of a bed. "How would they not know that this little angel was gone?"
"Maybe they really don't care. Not sure how they could come to that conclusion." Riddler looked at you with a small smile. "You know, I have a bet that you can keep Y/N here for two weeks straight without acting suspiciously or trying to hide them and even continuing to ask for ransom money, and they won't do a thing."
"Does the two weeks start now or from the day of the kidnapping? Because they've already been here for four days."
"From the day of the kidnapping. I'm not a monster. Also, what do you want if you win?"
"I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, I'm ordering more Indian food. I don't know how to cook."
(PAUSE)
Time went on, and more of Batman's rogues gallery paid a visit to the captive Wayne child as if it were a baby shower.
Two-Face was the first to arrive. "You can't be serious. Brucie Wayne didn't want to collect his child? Didn't you tell him?"
"We sent messengers, we called him, we sent stuff in the mail, he just thinks it's a prank." Penguin threw his hands up with exasperation. "Nothing against the little dove, but this is a little longer than I thought."
"I'll tell him," Dent volunteered. "Me and him go way back. Once he knows that it's serious, he'll arrive with something. Either the bat or the ransom, but something."
"Go ahead, but you're gonna lose me a bet," Riddler said nonchalantly.
"What's happening?" you asked.
"We're . . . having some difficulties contacting your family, dollface," Two-Face said. "They're not taking this very seriously."
"They don't take me very seriously," you snarked. "It's not you, it's me. I'm not exactly on the list of people they're concerned about. Titus ranks higher than me."
"Is Titus another kid?" Riddler asked. "No offence, but he has so many."
"None taken, Riddler. Titus is Damian Wayne's dog." You stretched and straightened out your clothes. "You're going to have to put up with me for a while longer. Also, do you have some spare clothes I can wear? I've been wearing my school uniform for the last four days straight and I'm beginning to stink."
"I'll call Harley about it," Penguin said.
(PAUSE)
The clown prince of crime arrived with his harlequin. "You kidnapped Bruce Wayne's child? Penguin, I didn't know you had it in you."
"Where is the little sweetums?" Harley burst in with bags laden with clothes. "I wasn't sure what they'd like, so I bought everything!"
"Uh . . . hi," you said, waving awkwardly. "Who's that for?"
"You, sweetums!" Harley said. "I also brought soap, toothpaste, shampoo, general hygiene products. Everything you'll need to live here."
"Thank you." You smiled up at the jester. "I just wish my folks could be as nice to me as you guys are."
Harley's smile dropped. "I . . . take it they're not the most attentive."
"They haven't bothered noticing my ransom, why would they notice toothpaste?" you snarked.
Joker and Harley looked at each other with horror and pity before turning back to Reader. "OK, kiddo, can you tell me what the Waynes are like to you?" Joker asked, his tone softened. "We need details. Lots."
"But not yet! You need a shower first. A long one," Harley ordered. "Here's the bag with all the bath stuff and here's the bag with all the clothes. Once you're dry and dressed, tell us everything."
You looked at Harley with confusion. "You . . . really want to know?"
"Of course!" Harley insisted. "Think of it as talk therapy. While you're in there, I'll call Ivy. She's the best with hair. And Professor Crane, too. You are not going to be alone with all those thoughts, honey. Let me know when you're done so I can get you a snack."
Your head was spinning. All those people would be arriving . . . and all for you.
How would you ever get used to this?
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 <- You are here
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
Part 12
Part 13
Part 14
Taglist: @tinybrie
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chuluoyi · 2 years ago
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found you
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- gojo satoru x reader
in a world in which he isn't the strongest and you're the high school's sweetheart, fate brought you to him once again
genre/warnings: reincarnation au, fluff/comfort
notes: a sequel to everything, but not anything
general masterlist
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Everyone knows you. You hold most of the popular guys' hearts in your hand and either break them unknowingly or innocently, and despite that, they still don't have it in them to hate you.
And of course, the school's clown, Gojo Satoru, knows you too. He knows you by name and face, but never had the chance to really talk to you directly.
Why? First, he just simply didn't bother, and second, because there was already another girl plaguing him—the girl of his dreams.
And he didn't mean it figuratively... there's indeed a girl haunting him every once in a while in his dreams. A girl whose face was always obscured from his mind, whom he couldn't picture outside the realm of his slumber. Most of the time it was a happy dream, enough to bring a smile to his face every time he woke up.
But sometimes, it was the most disturbing nightmare.
There would be blood, the girl's empty eyes and still body, and him screaming out at her to not die. But then he couldn't do anything—or even see her open her eyes—as he fell into an abyss and awakened in pure terror.
Satoru was convinced someone held this massive grudge on him for pranking them that they resorted to curse him with voodoo or something. Why else would he keep having these dreams about the very same girl? It was clearly a work of something greater.
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You were just not interested in romance. At least not with the guys who were after you up until now.
Or perhaps, because there was this guy in your dreams that captivated you so much that you chose to ditch those real guys for him. This imaginary person.
You were going insane. You were sure of it.
When you explained your affliction to your best friend Riko, she shot you a very bombastic side eye but tried to get you to describe the boy in your dreams regardless.
"He..." you faltered. His face was always blurry in your mind's eye. There were little things that you were sure of. "He has a really cute grin? Crinkling eyes? Like he just likes to smile?"
"Y/N, did you hear yourself?" Riko asked you incredulously. "Are you sure it isn't one of the guys in your anime shows? I'm telling you, watching them too much makes you delusional."
And so your girl talk with her ended up with her pushing you to try this hit dating app that guarantees you to go on at least one date due to its many fascinating features. You tried it on sheer whim and didn't even use your real name. You had been swiping right and left, before suddenly stopped when you saw whose profile popped up in your screen.
Gojo Satoru.
He was in your grade, and he was hard to miss. The school's biggest troublemaker who held the highest record of being sent to the disciplinary room. You never got to talk to him, and before today you were sure you wouldn't even look at him twice. So he plays these things too?
Your type definitely wasn't delinquents or attention-seekers. But why is it that the more you gaze at his profile picture—of him with this widest grin and that funny round glasses—the more you are intrigued?
In the end, you swiped right.
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Just because he didn't bother to be in a serious relationship or had a girl who held onto him in his dreams, it didn't mean that he was shying away from real life girls. Satoru, as much of a headbanger as he was, was popular. Some girls were into him and he didn't exactly let his chances to fool around pass.
Girls with questionable virtues though. Suguru, whose popularity was as much as him just in the right way, would always say that his tastes were bad. Shoko would straight up mock him as a wimp, for not having the courage to go after the right girl, such as you.
And so when on one of his boring days that he played with a dating app he found a profile who swiped him right with a picture that was you but a name that wasn't, he was taken by surprise and twice as curious.
For one, he knew it was you. And hey, you were interested in him?
Satoru took up on that offer. Taking advantage of it as now he had the chance.
The two of you exchanged messages in the dating app. He'd tell you his thoughts or crack funny jokes, and you'd reply with these many laughing emojis and stickers.
Until one day, when your conversation went like this...
you: really? but girls must be lining up for you and you could've had your pick from them gojo: nah most of ‘em all boring you: what a red flag. after a while surely you'll find me boring too gojo: you? haha no. boring people don't do things you do you: ...what do you mean?
You and him had this texting thing going on for more than a month already, but you still weren't aware that he knew that it was you.
gojo: you're y/n
And he figured that it was time to go face-to-face. Because he wanted to get to know you beyond this phone screen because who knows what more you faked other than your name?
After he busted you not so gently, he demanded that you'd go on a date with him. You could only lament—you couldn't say that you hadn't seen this coming, with how poor your disguise was. Then again, did you even intend on hiding from him in the first place? Now that you thought about it, no. You were quite alright even when he knew who you were.
On the said day, just right after school ended, he went to the agreed place to take out out to a famous cafe in Shibuya. Only to find a guy from basketball team bowing his head before you.
"I really like you!" the guy declared with sincerity and steadfastly. He was tall, quite famous too. By all means, the two of you would've made a fine pair.
Satoru just frowned. Suddenly he didn't like the sight before him. This wasn't the first time he saw someone confessing their feelings for you—you were famous for that. And anyway, the two of you were just friends even though you've been texting for a long time now. He shouldn’t be upset.
"Ah," you let out a small sigh, your face lit with realization. Your voice was soft to Satoru's ears. Too soft. It resembled something someone had told him a long, long time ago.
"Don't ever leave me, okay?" "Of course."
That voice held the same softness as you did just now.
"I'm sorry," you proceeded to say, giving a look of sympathy to your admirer. "I'm very flattered, and I thank you for that. But I have no room for—"
"Y/N-chan!" Satoru didn't know where this immense impulse came from, he just went with it and it terribly spooked you. You jumped and whipped your head at him, eyes widened in total surprise.
But he merely sauntered towards you, only with his winning grin and nothing else, until he was right next to you, staring down the basketball guy with so much mirth in his blue eyes.
"Hello to you." Satoru addressed him, then put his arms on your shoulder, ignoring how you immediately stiffened. "Too bad, today she is going with me."
You couldn't believe what he just said and before you could rectify anything, the guy who just confessed to you bolted away in humiliation. You immediately untangled yourself from his arms, ready to be cross.
Or at least until you stared straight to his cerulean blue eyes.
And he too, saw his reflections in your orbs.
Suddenly everything didn't matter. You were lost into his eyes as he did yours. As the lines of dream and reality twisted and turned.
Suddenly, Satoru could put a face to the girl he'd been seeing on his nightly wonders. Her smile. Your smile.
And you could see the boy who loved you to death in him. The one who took your heart with him, and agreed to go with you for the second time.
All it took was gazing into these eyes of yours to make the connection. Everything seems right. So right.
As if the two of you are destined for this very moment. As if you’re given everything to understand why you should meet him now.
I found you.
As sudden as it came flowing to your brain—all these images that overlapped with your dreams—it ended. You came back to reality.
“You’re insufferable,” you hissed at Satoru, pushing away the fog in your mind.
“Am I?” a shit-eating grin formed at his glossy lips. “But it’s true, you’re on a date with me today.”
And so you went to your very first date. Satoru was every bit the same as the guy who messaged you on that dating app. He was outspoken, effortlessly funny, but still, a bit annoying here and there.
It was strange how comfortable you got around him, even though it was practically your first interaction.
Soon the number of dates increased. Two, three, four—and so on. Soon, everyone knows. Riko questioned you if you were sure to pick him out of all fishes you could’ve picked. In a way, you weren’t sure. It depends on this question: what are you to him anyway?
Meanwhile, on Satoru’s side, everyone either cheered for or envied him. Suguru patted him on his back, thinking he finally got the right senses. And he found himself to like you very much. He couldn’t go a day without thinking what you were doing or messing with you. You were kind, cute and pretty, and as he said it himself, he likes pretty things.
So it came as a surprise when you blurted out that burning question, sounding so unsure and overall out of your character, whereas you should already know how he put his heart on his sleeves for you to grab.
“Are you messing with me?” he gawked. But when he saw hurt crossed on your face, he was thrown into panic. “No—I mean…”
He exhaled sharply. He wasn’t used to this confessing thing at all because usually he didn’t need it.
“I really like you, okay? You do know that I like you, at the very least?”
With that, your relief was visibly palpable, like a sun that went out of its hiding. The hopeful gleam in your eyes—Gods, Satoru wanted to protect that forever.
“With that being said…” he wanted to look cool, he didn’t want to mess this up. And so he extended his hand to you, opening his palm.
“Would you go out with me?”
It was probably the first time you saw him so sincere. He was playful, flippant and overall just a menace, but when he asked you this, he looked as if he brought out his heart for you to see.
When you breathed out a “Yes”, and intertwined your fingers in his, he was over the moon, smothering you with kisses.
From that point onwards, your romance book was brimming with moments that sparkled, ranging from the sweet to the passionate. Each experience with him felt like a first, yet there was an inexplicable sense of familiarity, as if you had known him somewhere from a long time ago.
Those dreams of you and him from somewhere at another time brought the two of you together once again. With their purpose fulfilled, you no longer had to traverse the realm of dreams to be with the boy who had always provided you comfort with his presence. Likewise, he was no longer haunted by the recurring vision of you fading away before his eyes.
Because now, you and Gojo Satoru have a new life. A life where both of you can find happiness together.
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night-raven-tattler · 1 year ago
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Can you offer me a nice shirt in this trying time?
Summary: The usual shenanigans leave you with an unwearable shirt. All you can do is ask your friend (?) for help.
Characters: Leona, Jade, Epel, Malleus and GN!Reader (separate, platonic adjacent...?)
Warnings: mentions of anxiety and mild panic over the dirty shirt
By opening the document, you agree to Mx Tattly's terms of source confidentiality.
-ˋˏ’✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈
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Looking at your pathetic expression akin to a kicked puppy while you tried to cover your dirty shirt made Leona burst into laughter, even after you just stepped on his tail
You looked away, flustered, not even wanting to recount the embarassing turn of events that just happened
But you didn't need to; Leona heard it all
He heard you from the other side of the botanical gardens talking with your friends, who started bickering with each other
Things got a bit physical in a playful way, but none of you really expected to shove each other so hard you all crumbled to the ground like a ridiculous domino
And the only thing you could be glad for was that you missed the pile of compost nearby
And now you were in front of him as he quite enjoyed your flustered state
"I wanted to apologise for stepping on your tail, you know. But I changed my mind."
Leona's laughter turned into snickering as he wiped nonexistent tears away from his eyes
"If you don't want me to laugh, then stop acting like a clown."
You stomped your foot, which made Leona look at you
"This is serious! I have no other clean shirt and class is going to start soon. So you can either help me or give me an idea or leave me alone."
Something in Leona's eyes changed at your words: his mocking aura went away slightly, and you could almost hear what he was thinking
Still thinking about class after being dragged in dirt? Damn goody-two-shoes.
"Alright, I'm doing this just this once. But if I catch you play in dirt again, you're on your own, you damn warthog."
Leona put a hand in his pocket, then tapped his foot
To your surprise, the dirt started vanishing from your outfit right away
All you could do was stare at Leona, mouth agape
And he stared right back at you
Until his smile turned into a frown in a secons
"What are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Just go to your class already."
You just frantically nodded and scurried away from him
...just to return a few seconds later and leave, in fact, a kiss on his cheek
He just stared at you while you awaited any kind of reaction beside his resting tired face
"...Forget what I said about not helping you. Next time I'll shove you into dirt myself."
That reaction seemed to satisfy you enough, as you took your leave right after his threat
『••✎••』
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Working at the Mostro Lounge had its ups and downs
Ups: the job is on campus, the place is always looking for workers and it's one of the best paying jobs on campus
Downs: one of your coworkers is Jade, and the other is Floyd
They'd be relatively nice coworkers if they didn't take their sweet time with helping you while enjoying every second of suffering from all living creatures
Like they did when you tripped on your way to a client and spilled the drink on yourself
They just watched for a few seconds how you panicked over the dirty shirt and the irritated customer
Jade came and dragged you away a few seconds too late for your liking while Floyd started on another drink against his will
You had no idea why Jade led you to the Lounge's changing room, but his smile did not calm you down at all
After all, Jade was very talented at everything except of being reassuring
He left you on your own for a few seconds, coming back with a new uniform shirt, which he handed to you
"This is a replacement for your dirty shirt. Please get changed so you can resume your duties."
You stared at Jade suspiciously
Was he handing you a shirt just like that?
He accepted your silent confusion for a few more seconds before his smile widened, showing his teeth
"What is the problem, Reader? Perhaps you require my assistance with getting changed?"
No matter how hard you frowned at him, the blush was not making your disdain too effective
"What? No! That's not it!"
"...So you're saying you would not refuse my services if that were to be the case?"
"I- no! Ugh!"
Even while you hid your face in the shirt you knew he was still giving you that annoying grin
"You're saying I can just change into this? Without any payment or punishment?"
Jade gasped and put a hand over his chest, feigning offense
"What an incredulous accusation, Reader. I can assure you that no consequences will follow you needing another shirt for the remainder of your shift."
"..."
"..."
"...Are you sure?"
"Certainly."
You knew better than to trust any of the tweels, but you supposed you'll cross that bridge when you got to it
Besides, being MIA on your shift might make Azul take thaumarks out of your paycheck, and you didn't need to manifest that kind of outcome
"Fine, I'll take it. Please leave so I can change."
"As you wish."
So he left you in the empty changing room, a hint of a blush still on your face
You knew getting revenge on any student at NRC was a bad idea, but you couldn't help but imagine "accidentally" spilling some cherry juice on Jade's dorm uniform
『••✎••』
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Cleaning duty in the library was not fun, but at least Epel knew how to make things entertaining
He wasn't a comedian or anything like that, but his Vil-themed tirades were always animated and gossipy enough that they had you hooked on his every word
Or every word that you could understand, at least
And a complaining storytelling Epel is not the most careful Epel
So you were not too surprised when he spilled some ink on your sleeves
"Hey, my shirt! You spilled ink on me!"
Epel noticed the big stains and his eyes widened
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"
"What am I gonna do?! I have no clean laundry today!"
While you were frantically pacing around, Epel was staring at the floor, not being able to meet your eyes
"Hey, come on... It's not that bad. See, it's just a small stain!"
The death glare you threw his way rivaled Vil's, and Epel took a step back instinctively
"Okay, okay! I get it, let me think..."
A few seconds of contemplation later, Epel went to the window and looked outside
"Hey, Vil is having a club meeting outside right now. He must have a stain stick or a spell or something."
"What about cleaning duty?"
"Just go deal with your shirt and come back when it's clean. I'll put away all the old ink in the meantime."
After Epel's convincing, you relented
But now you had the perfect opportunity to show off your newly aquired NRC thirst for revenge...
Let's just say that Vil was very thankful you told him about Epel's attitude towards your stain while he dealt with it....
Epel did not talk to you the next day
Except for that time during lunch when he came towards you with a bitter expression and some comically overfilled pockets
When he got next to you, he shoved his hand into one of his pockets and, with difficulty, pulled out 5 stain pens
"I hate you."
That was all he said before walking away
『••✎••』
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During your days as an NRC student you've learned a lot of things, including facts about the weather
1: The weather will always be nice on the date of the monthly scarabinelle debates in the courtyard
2: The statue of the King of the Underworld from the courtyard never got wet from rain
3: Unlike his statue, you were not waterproof
Neither was your shirt
So by the time you reached the Hall of Mirrors, you were soaking wet
You marveled at your misfortune right as Malleus entered the room through the Diasomnia mirror
His mild surprise from bumping into you made him almost not notice your predicament
"...Child of man? What happened to you?"
You sighed and told him you were caught in the rain, but you had no clean change of clothes and were feeling pretty cold already
"Hm. This can't do. Humans are very fragile creatures, a simple soak can leave lasting effects on your body.
Malleus seemed to fall deep in thought, as if he was presented with an incredible puzzle, and not the random misfortune of a friend
He nodded to himself, and you were curious to know the conclusion he reached
"Allow me to help you."
You sighed of relief at his decision
Out of everyone on campus, you trusted Malleus to be genuine and helpful, so you accepted his help
You didn't think much of it when he pulled out his magical pen from his pocket; you figured he was just going to use a small drying spell
Boy were you wrong.
Malleus rotated his pen slightly in the air, creating an ever growing wind
The speed and intensity of it grew very fast, and you had to grab onto a pillar to hold yourself in place
You watched in horror how a few students were pushed by the wind back into their mirrors as soon as they entered the Hall of Mirrors
You couldn't even attempt to do any damage control, since the wind was too loud for your voice to be heard
After what felt like forever, Malleus' wind started to dwindle and your feet were able to be on the ground again
"That... That certainly was a method of helping."
"Well? Was it successful? You seem pretty dry to me."
He smiled proudly at you
It was obvious how he knew that he did a good job and he was simply awaiting your praise
You patted down your uniform, and were surprised to notice your uniform was, indeed, dry
"...Yeah, actually. Thanks!"
"You are very welcome."
His smug words were carried by his confident grin as he proudly marched away from you and out of the room
The whole interaction was definitely weird, so you couldn't help but share it over lunch with your friends, Ace and Deuce
After you shared Malleus' small drying machine job, Ace started laughing at you, while Deuce put a hand on your shoulder, a sympathetic look on his face
『••✎••』
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leaf-line · 9 months ago
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𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐥
Yandere! Jiaoqiu X Gn! Reader
❏ Jiaoqiu finds himself enjoying your company that he wants to extend it more.
cw: might be lore inaccurate, might be ooc, a hint of angst, you being called annoying, force feeding, mentions of pinning, no beta we die like Tingyun, written in Jiaoqiu's pov + he doesn't talk, pls don't be confused, reader is loud.
w/c: 962
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Immortality is a crime... No, rather, it's a sin.
"Alchemy Commission... Agh—!! Where was that place again?! Wait a minute... Hey there! You! The pretty foxian boy with pink hair!"
Jiaoqiu finds it hard to believe that a human like you were accepted into a prestigious place such as the Alchemy Commission. You weren't even a Xianzhou Native, just a regular human. Why did he even try to put an effort into knowing who you were? Maybe it was because apart of him was curious about you and why the hell were you so loud? Honestly, he shouldn't have.
"Ohhhh, so this was the place, wow, I could've sworn I've ran into here multiple times before, why didn't I see it? Speaking of which, can you even actually see that? Why are your eyes closed?"
He wasn't exactly sure why he welcomed you so easily into his life. To put it into words... You were eccentric, goofy, and a slacker with no sense of direction, you speak out loud what's on your mind, no matter the place and time.
"Alas, we meet again, blind foxian... So you're my senior? But you're so short—"
You were blunt, sometimes it was funny, sometimes it was annoying. But Jiaoqiu never heard you tell a lie ever since the first time he met you. Although if he ever hears you call him any more honest insults, he's gonna spike your lunch with one of his handmade concoctions.
"Noooo!! Please! I don't want to memorize another set of ingredients for a different medicine!! Have mercy!!!"
And did he mention that you were loud? He'd be lying if he said he didn't find it entertaining, since the people there were so serious and gloomy. You were like the clown of the class, and Jiaoqiu was simply there to be entertained.
"You mean to say that in your own eyes, you think that food is medicine? That's... Super interesting!!"
...That wasn't a lie right? Well, Jiaoqiu hoped so. You were cheerful, upbeat, and optimistic at some times, he's yet to be accustomed by that kind of personality.
"Oh, yeah, sure I'll have a taste of your cookings, leave it to me! I'm a good food critique!"
Have a taste, he says. He doesn't know what you will reply. Will you tell him it tastes garbage? Will you tell him it's the most godsend food you've ever tasted in your life? He doesn't know, not unless he tries to have you eat it. At some point you were brutally honest it hurts him through the gut, but surely at some point when he impresses you, it would feel rewarding, right?
"This straight up tastes awful, this one is painfully bland, and this is, hmm... Let me taste again, ...mmmm!! It's super delicious!"
Was it a wrong choice when he interacted with you more? No, otherwise he would have felt so much joy in a long while. Bit by bit, you warmed up your way into his heart, securing a comfortable place in it. There was a saying that the way into person's was through their stomach, so why was it when the more he poured into your stomach and the more he was successful at making you happy, the more was being poured into HIS own heart?
"Jiaoqiu... Thanks a lot."
The second you were calm and silent. Aeons, you were adorable, beautiful, handsome and majestic in your own way that Idrilla would be jealous. He wanted nothing more but to cup your cheeks with his hands and connect your lips to his own. He wanted to hug you dearly, bask in your touch, bask in your scent. But he holds himself to the ground, after all, looking at the picturesque scene in front of him will suffice more than enough.
"What do you mean my hair is turning white? I'm still young you know?"
...Oh. Did time fly that fast when he's having fun? Was it this early for someone he would willingly hold dearly to part ways with him soon enough? Or was time just cruelly toying him? How could he even forget that you were a short-life specie, just how?
"Ugh... Sorry and thank you, Jiaoqiu. I mean, for taking care of me, I'm still really sick, my body is just getting weaker and weaker by the day... I don't know why..."
Time is running out. Why was his time with you getting cut short? Why? Why? No. He's gonna fix this, he can. All he wants is a little more time with you, can't he have that? He doesn't want to feel lonely again. Please... Stay...
"Jiaoqiu... Are you okay? You've been stuffing your nose into books all day. I just... Have a feeling your doing something suspicious, don't get me wrong, I'm not accusing you, I'm just worried."
Immortality is a sin, he knows that, he knows it all too well. The only way to achieve it is through the flesh of an Emanator of Abundance. The last time that went... Didn't go well. Fuck around with immortality and there will be a cost... That he's willing to pay, unfortunately for you. All he needed is to make a medicine that will ensure you to live longer, even if you become mara-struck, it doesn't matter.
"Are you sure this medicine is safe? I don't think that it is..."
Aeons! Just consume it will you!? Do you know how hand it took him to get his hands in these things!? Do you want him to strip naked and beg you to consume it!? You want him to pin you and shove it down your throat!?
Jiaoqiu wouldn't really consider himself sinful... So he wonders why he's dragging you into the pits of hell.
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a/n: uh... this is inaccurate as hell, i barely read the lore leave me alone— 😭
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notyourhetloki · 9 months ago
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sharing is caring (Logan x Reader x Wade)
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Reader: they/them (gender neutral)
/NSFW Logan x Reader x Wade/
A/N: Hey I'm back in my Marvel era!!! Just a quickie "porn without much plot" fic because I'm obsessed with these men… they don't kiss in this one but I'm already working on a sequel ;) anyway, hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Use of (y/n), oral sex (m! receiving).
Word Count: 2k
Being Deadpool and Wolverine's neighbor was much more peaceful than you'd imagined... aside from the constant bickering you could hear from the walls, of course.
You met Wade first when you had just moved in, boxes splayed across the hall as you moved them into your apartment one by one. He offered a hand, and you gladly accepted it. "Let me help you with that, gorgeous."
On that same night, you almost bumped into Logan as he strutted his way to his door. He held you by the shoulders and gave you a smug look, examining you up and down. "Careful there, sugar."
From then on you managed to build quite a friendly relationship with them, hanging out together whenever you had the chance. You would chat with Logan and laugh at Wade's jokes, spend quality time with them, and even cook them some food if you felt like it.
All of it was greatly appreciated, even the building tension between the three of you. It was clear from the beginning that they were interested in something more, from the looks they would give you to the pet names they called you... it was exciting to play along.
For example, you didn't lose an opportunity to touch them. Even if the touches were brief, like a pat on the back or a slight squeeze on the arm/shoulder... all 'innocent' gestures until they reciprocated, arms around your neck or pulling at your waist. It was then that the fun actually began.
They would fight over you, eyeing each other angrily whenever you were around the both of them, seeing who could make you smile more or who could get closer to you. It was a competition for them, and you were rooting for them both.
Wade had that clown energy that was hilarious and irresistible, while Logan was stoic, serious and captivating. You found them to be so different yet so alike... they were perfect for each other, perfect for you.
One night, Wade sent you a text inviting you to come over to watch some TV. You decided to go in your pajamas (short shorts and a baggy T-shirt) only to see his reaction, and it paid off. He greeted you at the door, looking at your body and giving you a smile that told you he was up to no good. "Hey there, gorgeous."
You sat on the sofa and Wade plopped himself way closer than necessary. As you were deciding on what to watch, Logan appeared from the bathroom, shirtless and hair wet... heat traveled to your belly at the sight. "Gosh, Wolvie! Have some decency, (y/n) is here!" Wade exclaimed.
Logan quickly put on the white tank top he always wore and went to greet you. "Hi, sugar. Sorry about that." You smiled at him and he grinned back, accommodating himself next to you on the sofa. "What are you watching?"
You were sandwiched between them then, nerves started to get the best of you as you settled for a random TV show to watch. The three of you were in silence before you noticed a certain commotion between them. Wade wanted to put his arm behind your neck but Logan had the same idea, so they were silently wrestling to see who was going to win... no one did.
After they gave up, Logan slowly moved his hand over your thigh and left it there. You gave him another smile as you covered his hand with yours.
Wade bit his lower lip in frustration, moving his own hand onto your other thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. You looked at him and also smiled, mimicking the same action you did for Logan and putting your other hand on top of his.
They looked at each other, bragging with their eyes. It was then that Wade had another idea, one you couldn't resist. "(y/n), do you know I really like you? Like, a lot." You couldn't see it, but Logan was not amused at that... but he quickly recovered, bold enough to speak his own mind. "I... like you as well, (y/n). You truly are something special."
"Just remember I said it first." Wade retorted with a wink, leaving Logan fuming. "What does it matter?!" He said.
Before they could start an argument, you got up from the sofa and turned to look at them, leaving them confused. With a sweet voice, you decided to confess. "And I like the both of you... equally. Or would you like to make me choose?"
They looked at each other, then back at you before Wade finally spoke. "But how much exactly do you like us?"
It was exactly the invitation you needed, you smiled slyly as you demanded. "Get up."
They both rose from their seats in an instant, almost comically. You inched closer, pointing a finger as you eeny meeny miney moe'd between them, choosing your next target. The finger ended up pointing at Logan, so you moved your hand to rest on his chest and whispered. "You first."
Before any of them could understand what was happening, you closed the gap between you and kissed Logan on the lips. The kiss was chaste at first, but soon deepened as he pulled you by the waist and brushed his tongue on yours. All you could hear was Wade speaking to himself in the background. "Holy fucking shit."
You kissed for a few moments before you pulled back, Logan’s pupils blown wide and mouth parted open. He followed your movements as you got closer to Wade, caressing his cheek. “Thank you for being patient, love.” You said before kissing him as well.
Wade hummed on your lips as he ran his fingers through your hair, pulling you even closer. The two of you kissed passionately until you felt another set of hands on your waist, Logan was directly behind you and guiding you to turn towards him. "My turn again." He said in a gruff.
You smiled as you turned to kiss Logan further, but this time he aimed for your jaw, then neck... started to mark your skin with hickeys and bites while taking the opportunity to grab your ass. You gasped and moaned gently while Wade simply commented on everything. "Naughty Wolvie... so rough! Hungry, aren't we?"
"Shut up." Logan simply answered, coming back to ravish your mouth. After a moment you felt Wade's hands grabbing at your hips, turning you around. "Sharing is caring, friend." He said at Logan, who not-so-willingly let you go.
As you kissed Wade, he also grabbed your ass and caressed your hips and waist. When he decided to kiss your neck, he whispered compliments into your ear. "Gosh, you're so soft..."
It was then that you felt it, Logan's erection was poking at your bum as he drew closer and closer to you, pulling you towards his chest while Wade's own erection grew and grazed at your thigh.
You hummed in approval, turning enough to face the both of them. You looked down and confirmed that the two were rock-hard in their pants, so you stared at their faces and playfully said. "Oh my... looks like you are ready for some fun."
You gently palmed their bulges, making sweet purrs escape from their mouths. Their eyes were dark as they looked at you and then at themselves, incredulous at what was happening. Logan was first to break the eye contact, finally looking at you and asking. "And what did you have in mind, sugar?"
Simply lowering yourself to your knees, you began to plant kisses on their respective bulges one at a time before looking up at them and demanding. "Take them out."
Wade excitedly obeyed, his dick springing out of his trousers as he slid them down. He was big and ready for action, and you gladly started to kiss and lick along his shaft.
Logan stared longingly before taking his own pants off, giving his girthy member a few good strokes as he praised you. "Yeah, take his cock in your mouth, baby..."
"Oh, Wolvie! You're so generous..." Wade teased as you finally started sucking his dick. It was sloppy, spit ran down your chin as you bobbed your head along with your strokes. You took your time and looked up at them eventually, pausing to lick and kiss at the base and at his balls.
"Fuuuck, (y/n). You're a fucking pro at this." Wade moaned with your every move, and Logan just stared and stroked himself leisurely.
They both caressed your hair when you heard Logan's voice fill the room again. "My turn now, hm?"
You and Wade agreed, so you turned slightly to capture Logan in your mouth. You continued masturbating Wade as you licked Logan's dick from the base to the tip, coating him in your saliva. "Such a pretty mouth, so good for us." He groaned.
As you sucked on his cock, Logan grabbed lightly at your hair guiding you into a rhythm. It was faster than Wade's, rougher, but you followed along willingly as you moaned around him. He groaned and cursed and all of it went straight to your sex, already aching with all the stimuli.
You were so turned on you couldn't help but whine when Logan pulled you by your hair away from his dick, looking at your eyes. "Open your mouth."
Wade looked in confusion as you opened wide, and Logan took the opportunity to spit on your tongue. "Good bunny." He praised.
"Jesus Christ." Wade exclaimed. "I'm so turned on right now."
After swallowing Logan's spit, you continued stroking them both while looking up at their expressions. Wade was breathing through his parted mouth, moaning and speaking to himself. "Oh wow, what a sight... you're so fucking gorgeous." While Logan silently observed your face and your hands in action, groaning from time to time.
You were getting hot then, so you decided to take your T-shirt off, leaving you with a bare chest. They both admired your body as you stroked their dicks, spitting on them occasionally. "Look at you..." Logan said, followed by Wade. "Fuck, I'm close, baby."
"Fuck... yeah, bub... cum all over their face." Logan gruffed out as Wade held his shoulder for dear life, Logan's free hand around Wade's waist.
Opening your mouth obscenely and darting your tongue out, you looked at Wade in the eyes. He soon came with a moan, spilling his seed all over your tongue and chin.
Logan followed right after, his cum shooting at your mouth and running down your cheek. He groaned and continued to hold you by the hair with one of his hands, caressing your scalp after his orgasm had passed.
"Damn, Wolvie... I think you will have to take the biscuit this time." Said a breathless Wade, leaning into Logan as he too caressed your hair and face.
You swallowed what you could, tasting both men in your mouth... they tasted bitter but delicious, just like you'd imagined. Logan then took his thumb and gathered some cum from your chin before taking the digit to his mouth, tasting... whoever's cum was that. He looked at Wade who was already staring at his mouth. "What?" Logan demanded.
"That was really fucking hot of you." Wade answered. You smiled at them both, getting up and promptly putting your arms around them.
You kissed Wade first that time, pulling him closer while Logan watched patiently. The both of you moaned against each other, feeling each other's tongues in your mouths.
After a few moments, you parted and turned to Logan who was yearning for your kiss. You joined lips and his tongue soon met yours, swirling around in tandem as he felt and grabbed your soft body.
When the kiss was done, you stopped to look at the both of them. You couldn't help but giggle, and they reciprocated soon after. "So... what does that make of us?" Wade half-jokingly said.
Logan rolled his eyes, a smile stamped on his face as you gently answered. "Whatever you want it to be..."
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jscrawls · 3 months ago
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Grave mistakes
Gotham City is full of a lot of characters, criminals, creepy clowns, man eating plants, eccentric billionaires. But all that rolled into one household?
Warning: contains mentions of blood, witches, general spooky stuff, it's an Addams reader they're gonna be freaky,
Part 7: call the nursing home, and maybe a priest…
🔹🔹🔹
“who knew an old woman could disappear from a lobby so quickly.”
The lady officer scratches the back of her head confusedly while looking through the security tapes over and over again, trying to figure out what happened to the ancient woman that was just here not even twenty minutes ago.
You, who's still covered in dried blood, lean against the counter interestedly as the lady switches cameras to watch the woman hurriedly hobble out of the parking lot onto the streets.
“Oh that's no surprise to me at all, it's how she's avoided being committed.” You sigh wistfully and pull a handkerchief out of your pocket to wipe at your brow as if that'll cleanse the long-dried scarlet mess of you.
“Committed to what? A retirement home?” Alfred grunts in offense at Bruce's remark, both men share a look when you sigh even louder and dramatically toss your handkerchief down.
“No, the sanitarium.” You turn away from the desk and start to head towards the glass double-doors leading in and out of the police station, marching like a soldier training for war. “I'll be needing to find the ol thing, who knows what that witch will get into in this city.”
Bruce rolls his eyes and follows after you rather quickly, your pace is surprisingly fast. “Witch? I take it you don't get on with her then?” He murmurs a bit hesitantly, unsure if family affairs are off limits with you. Then again he doesn't think anything is really considered off limits in your books.
Your shoes practically squeak as you spin around to face the man, eyes creepily wide as you shake your head quickly. “Oh no! Me and grandmama get along like a house and fire, or like maggots on a carcass, or like- you get the point. That's just simply what she is.”
Bruce feels like this entire day is setting up to already be awful, call it a gut feeling or intuition, he just knows he's going to regret getting out of bed this morning.
“…. She's a witch.” He doesn't even bother to act polite in the moment, he'd rather deal with aliens in Gotham than a magic user. Please don't be serious, please don't be serious-
“Mhmm! The best of the best! You should see the old purse get going when she's had a bit of Googie juice, she'll predict futures, look at your past lives, and contact the forgotten things in the cold dimension. She also likes magic mud wrestling.” You again turn on your heel and head for the door after dropping that on Bruce and Alfred, clearly not caring for the impact you've created.
“Oh my God…. Wait, wait a minute.” Bruce scrubs a hand down his face and quickly grabs at your arm before you get too far, what the hell is wrong with you?
Alfred steps in front of you as well, effectively cutting off your path. “Mx Addams, don't you think you should get yourself cleaned up right now? I'm certain it'll make looking for your grandmother…. Easier on the public.”
Him and Bruce share a relieved look over your shoulder when you glance down at yourself and frown, surely you're going to agree- “I see no issue here, I'm sure the blood of the wicked will attract her to me, like catnip!”
“Can you please do this one thing? Make my life just the tiniest bit easier today?” Does Bruce feel pathetic begging? Yes, yes he does. He doesn't like things deviating away from his ideals, even in his public persona he doesn't plead outside of something playful with non-acquaintance's. He's just glad Alfred doesn't look at him.
“i don’t usually make a habit of making things easy for people, but i suppose i could do this for my very good friend!” you don’t get what the big deal everyone is so focused on, but you’ll play ball. you wanna see if your roomies made it home all right anyways.
alfred and bruce both share a sigh of relief and start pulling you away from the main lobby to try and get you out a side door so you’re less likely to scare the general public. “wonderful, i’m sure your grandmother is fine….and the police will be keeping an eye out for her besides.”
you hum uncertainly as alfred speaks, yet still let the men guide you outside and towards their car. “i believe you my good friend, but i’m not sure they’ll want to find her. grandmama doesn’t like the authorities all that much.”
both men look at you questioningly as they usher you into their vehicle, bruce is the one to question you once you’re all seated. “is it a…witch thing?”
“hmm? oh, no. grandmama was arrested at stonewall.” at that bruce actually chuckles quietly in relief while alfred starts up the car.
“that sounds better than what i was imagining honestly…”
“really? now you’ve got me curious! she was casting fireballs at the police and nearly managed to catch one for a sacrifice but now i want to know what you were imagining, i want ideas!”
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after the awkward car ride back to your neighborhood you’re quick to say goodbye to the men and trot up the long driveway to your own manor, dodging around snapping carnivorous plants and aggressive vines, you don’t have time to be slowly eaten right now after all!
your hearse is parked in the driveway so clearly the dames made it home last night most likely in one piece, that man wasn’t very good with his knife after all, poor ladies. the angry screaming you can barely hear from in the manor confuses you though, it’s past tea time isn’t it? you check your pocket watch just to make sure you’re not mistaken.
“get out you big freak! get out of our house!” that sounds like pamela? surely the swamp rats didn’t get in again! when you open the front door you see what’s going on.
“you heard the redhead! get lost before we smash ya head open zombie!”
harley’s hanging off the moose head waving around one of your swords while pamela has plants wrapped around her arms and legs defensively, both women yelling at the top of their lungs at the statuesque figure standing stock still in your front room….
“(Name)? Watch out there's a big freak here-” Harley starts to yell but the words die out as you quickly shut the front door and dart in the room.
“lurch? oh is that really you my friend? i’m so happy to see you!” you quickly run over to the giant of a man and throw yourself at him while the two women fall silent at your sudden appearance, their expressions twisted in horrified confusion while the giant turns and wraps you in a bone-crushing hug, his face still as expressionless as when he first entered the home. “hello, master addams.”
the strange mans extremely deep voice makes the two confused women flinch, but you just laugh heartily while he squeezes the life out of you.
“you sneaky devil! did you come down with grandmama just to see me incarcerated? oh you should’ve told me! i would’ve thrown extra itching powder in a couple of the guest rooms!”
pamela sighs loudly and walks over to you, interrupting your reunion while her plants retreat to her arms like little green kittens. “hang on, hang on a second. this is one of your relatives?”
you glance over at her, still being held off the ground by the giant. “well, he has the heart of an addams so yes!”
harley quickly scrambles off the moose head and trots over to push pamela aside to question you. “forget about all that! how’re you home? i thought you was in the slammer?”
“i got bailed out!” lurch drops you like a potato sack and you land on your face, causing both women to wince before you leap back to your feet to continue on like nothing happened.
pamela looks confused though and quickly pushes harley out of her way to properly scowl at you with crossed arms. “i’m pretty sure you need to go through court and have a judge set your bail before you can-” “that’s not important right now, cousin venom! i’m home and i need to get cleaned up so i can go find grandmama…..she’s not here right?”
you quickly turn on your heel to stare up at lurch questioningly, he slowly shakes his head in response. “grandmama is in the city, master addams.”
you quickly whirl back around to face the two women again while dramatically gesturing at yourself. “so then i need to find her! i’m getting cleaned up and ready to go back out on the town before grandmama does something crazy, i’d like to watch it happen after all!”
“well have fun with that i guess, i’m laying low for a while…” pamela turns around and strolls off towards the direction of the library, leaving you with harley and lurch.
“welp, looks like it’s just us three then!”
“nuh-uh, nope. i’m staying here with my woman today…sorry kooky spooky.” harley shrugs and then quickly darts away before you can start lamenting at her or something. undeterred, you just grin up at the giant butler and turn towards the door. “looks like it’s just us two! come along mr lurch!”
he grabs the back of your coat and firmly stops you in your tracks before you can even take three steps. “master addams, aren’t you forgetting something.”
“um….i didn’t forget grandmama? she ran away so it’s a technicality my good friend.”
“master addams, you were saying you wished to bathe first?”
startled, you look down at your blood-covered self as if you’d completely forgotten why you went home in the first place.
“oh right!”
🔹🔹🔹
This has to be a meta, there's no other explanation in Jason's mind when he's looking up at an elderly woman on top of a three story building that doesn't have any ladders or fire escapes on it, maybe it's a cruel, cruel prank someone's pulling on the old bat. For her part she looks rather comfortable nestled in between air conditioning vents and old satellite stands, a falling-apart shawl covers her moth chewed dress and slippers, and…..a lantern sits in the crook of her elbow? Jason doesn't wanna ask. and the poor things bone white hair is a total birds nest around her shoulders. Jason's certain this is a woman who needs a caretaker. Hopefully she's not hurt…
“uh, miss?…. Ma'am can you hear me up there?”
she doesn't so much as twitch at Jason's voice, she's just staring straight ahead with a vacant expression on her wrinkled face like she hasn't a care in the whole world. either she's hard of hearing or she's having a medical event, the thought is enough to spur Jason into action and he quickly starts looking for a way up there.
He circles the building and sees that the only doors in are securely locked and there's no windows on the first floor for him to climb on or break through, so he goes to the neighboring building and climbs the fire escape.
It's an easy jump, though he really doubts the elder managed something like that herself judging by the look of her. She's still sitting when Jason lands with a thump and carefully walks over to her, she could be startled and slip after all.
“Ma'am?….I mean you no harm, I'm just here to check on you…” he speaks slowly and loudly, trying to approach her from the side with raised hands so she might see him without getting scared or something.
She blinks and looks over at him unconcerned, barely even sparing him a glance before looking back over the narrows like it's the most interesting place to be. “Hmm, there you are boy. I was starting to wander when you'd show up, help your grandmama up now.”
She holds her unoccupied arm up expectantly, so Jason carefully pulls her to her feet and steadies her while pulling her away from the buildings ledge, this must be a dementia situation or something, the thought makes his chest ache just a bit but he pushes it down to focus on the woman. “I'm here, let's get you down and get you some help…”
The old lady scoffs and gestures at him with her lantern while he leads her. “don't rush me! I'm still listening!”
She tugs on his arm while gesturing at her ears, which Jason is certain don't work properly, he has a feeling she's maybe stuck in a memory or something since Gothams rather quiet at the moment, unless she's listening to the traffic? He has doubts.
“…oh yeah? Can you sit on this vent and listen? I should make a call real quick…” he's not quite sure how to get her down without doing something that'll jostle and possibly hurt her. So he's got no choice but to call in some backup. Maybe someone with a pole truck with a built in wheel chair?
“Shhh, they're talking about you…” she loudly shushes him, fingers pressed against her thin lips while her unfocused eyes seem to stare through him rather than at him. Jason tries not to shiver.
“all good things I hope, now just sit tight-” he's interrupted by her again shushing him, it's a bit of a struggle to not roll his eyes at her antics now, Jason has to remind himself that she's probably unwell at the moment.
“Shhh….ahh, I see. I see…I'll tell him. Boy, it's not your fault.” The old lady huffs out while dropping down on the vent with a soft thump, her thinning white brows pinch together while her lips pull down into a grimace and she keeps tilting her head around like she's listening to something. It's creeping Jason out, but he ignores it to pull his phone out.
“What's not my fault.” he mutters gruffer than he intended while unlocking his phone, god he needs to get a lid on things.
“Your death.”
Her simple spoken words knock all the thoughts right out of his head though, the tiny thing is just gaping up at him unblinkingly like she's waiting for him to react. Is this a joke? Surely it's not fuck with Jason week just yet. “I-excuse me?”
What the fuck is he supposed to say to that?
She continues on with the same tone of voice like it's nothing. “It's not your fault you died, you weren't ever the bad one out of the bunch, boy. No matter what the living said about it after the fact. The voices know for a fact and they never lie, except when they want to of course.”
She nods her head with some finality before again looking away from him and starting to leer at some pigeons flying above them.
It feels like someone just dumped cold water on his head and slapped the shit out of him, Jason nearly drops his cellphone in what can only be described as animalistic panic, he can feel every hair on his body standing on edge, every breath feels like he's pulling it through a tube, his eyes and mouth feel as dry as sand. He doesn't know what to do for a moment as he hears his heartbeat pounding up in his ears.
“…. What are you-” she again shushes him and points around the empty rooftop. “Don't question it, you'll never be able to decipher their words if you don't listen to them first.”
“What the fuck.”
The old lady cackles at his vulgar words and she honest to God sounds like a stereotypical witch, Jason doesn't know what to do with himself besides backing away from her slowly, what has he walked himself into here!??
“You younguns and your swearing, back in my day we used proper curses when we had the need. Now no one even learns Latin.” She cackles again and slowly pushes herself onto unsteady feet, and then promptly runs away from Jason.
“Wait-oh shit.” Jason follows after her albeit reluctantly, she's probably a mind reader or maybe a magic user? But some part of him is still kinda worried about her popping a hip or something…
“Damn it…come back here ma'am!” He didn't even get her name so he can check if a home is missing some Eldritch horror granny from their care.
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Was Alfred pleased to see the Addams blood free and not smelling like pennies? Yes, but he doesn't appreciate being jump-scared by their very tall friend…
He was just opening the door to the excessive loud knocking when a very large hand landed roughly on his shoulder and nearly knocked him over, he thought he was being attacked before he heard that familiar chipper voice. “Alfred! I've done as asked and look who i brought to meet you!”
He reels back in alarm while you throw both your hands at the tall man, like a celebrity showing off their date to the cameras. The blank stare and dull eyes creep him out far more than he'd care to admit.
“….I see, hello there mister…?” Alfred reluctantly sticks a hand out for a handshake, trying not to grimace at the pair on the front stoop. He's quite relieved when the large man doesn't squeeze him too much.
“Lurch.”
“ah…. Hello master lurch.”
“it's just lurch.”
Alfred just nods mutely before turning away to go find Bruce, preferably quickly. He's not going to argue over titles with the man.
Assuming the open door is an invitation, you stroll right in and follow after Alfred while lurch trails after you dutifully, the place is much too clean and bright for your taste but hey, as Harley says you shan't yuck someone else's yum.
“Ahem, You keep a very…. Nice place here, Alfred.” You say politely while dragging a finger along the underside of a random display table, checking for grime or maybe cobwebs, but alas there isn't even any spiders in here! Lurch steadies a vase you nearly bump over and pulls you away from the table.
To his credit Alfred looks completely composed again despite how you and your companion startled him earlier, he manages to chuckle weakly at the obviously forced compliment as he walks further down the halls, you're like a gothic little duckling that quickly follows after his step. “Thank you, I take great pride in my work for the Wayne's.”
You grin broadly and quickly move up beside him so you can walk backwards to chat with the man. “So does our sweet lurch! You two have so much in common already I think you'd make the best of friends!”
With a quick glance over his shoulder Alfred watches as the stone faced man follows the both of you with a scowl frozen on his odd face, Alfred quickly looks ahead before they make eye contact.
“…. That's lovely, master Addams…” he mutters dryly.
“Alfred, is that the new freak across the hill?” Damian peeks his head around a doorframe with a frown on his face, glaring at the two guests like he already hates them, Alfred doesn't even have time to scold the boy before dick's already on it. The man popping around the same doorframe to frown at the preteen.
“Damian be nice, that's not how you talk to Bruce's neighbor.” he smiles awkwardly at you while eyeing lurch warily, tugging on his gym shirt half self-consciously before he casually steps around Damian to greet you.
“sorry about him, you know how kids are…”
“What, honest? I am the freak across the hill so I don't see an issue, what's your name young gentleman?”
Damian steps around dick, who was trying to subtly signal him to back off, to stand in front of you with that scowl still firmly in place. He refuses your offered handshake and instead looks you up and down judgingly.
“Damian Wayne, why are you in my house, freak?”
You just grin wider at the boys attitude. “Oh you're delightful, my niece Wednesday would love you….Actually, why am I in here?” you glance at Alfred real quick while the older man let's out a long suffering sigh.
“I was going to go fetch master Bruce so we could discuss your grandmother's disappearance.”
Dick looks over at you with a raised eyebrow in question. “Your Granny's missing?”
“Mhmm, she's somewhere in Gotham allegedly. Though she could've finally keeled over somewhere so I can't say for sure.”
The three Wayne's stare at you in silence before lurch leans down to speak to you. “Mistress frump would've started haunting you by now if she were deceased.”
You hum considerably and stroke your chin as you consider your cousins butler's words. “Hmm, good point lurch. Well since she's probably still alive I plan to go find her before she gets into trouble.”
Dick manages to snap back first and tries to force a casual air when he speaks. “You're worried about her, huh. I'm sure she's be going to be okay.”
You blink confusedly and slowly shake your head at that, what an odd question! “No, not at all. I'd like to watch grandmama get into some kind of perilous situation, it's practically an Addams tradition!”
Damian's scowl deepens as he follows after you, his tone even more venomous than before. “Father was right, you really are a horrible creature.”
“Damian!” Both Alfred and dick say scoldingly, Alfred shaking his head exasperatedly while dick tries to keep a polite smile on his face as he looks at you, it looks painful at this point.
You spin around and slap a hand over your heart dramatically. “He said that about me?….”
“I'm sure it was a joke-” dick tries to comfort you but you quickly cut him off with an odd giggle. “…I didn't realize Mr Wade was so sweet! I've not been called a creature in so long…”
Dick drags a palm down his face while muttering a “I should've expected that…” to himself, turning away from you to stroll down the hallway, Alfred and Damian follow after him so of course so do you and lurch. You're curious if the Wayne manor has any interesting rooms in it or if everything is just clean marble.
Unfortunately everything's clean and not at all disgusting or odd, there's not even a play room from what you've seen! No torture racks or even any poison set out for guests, the place honestly feels a bit unwelcoming.
“so why’d you stab that guy, freak? do you think you can do what you want in this city just because you’re rich?” damian glares back at you as you follow him, the kids eyes full of distrust and caution, he watches you like you’re a fox in the coop, it’s so endearing! “not at all! I would've stabbed the man if I didn't have a penny to my name, in fact a was surprised I was bailed out, I was under the impression I was going to prison or perhaps that lovely little institution in town.”
Dick gives you a confused look. “Institution? You mean Arkham asylum?”
Just as you nod Bruce rounds a doorway and pauses upon seeing the group in front of him, his brows furrowing while you excitedly wave at him. “…. Is something wrong with Arkham?
Alfred and dick both quickly shake their heads. “No, just a little…. Conversation with your neighbor here.”
Dick jabs his thumb over his shoulder in your direction, Bruce tries not to stare at lurch as you again wave enthusiastically at him.
“I see….. Well Addams I was just going to call you, it's about your grandmother…”
“really!?” You immediately perk up and dart closer to Bruce, Damian jumps in front of the man though and points at you aggressively. “watch it! No sudden moves in our home, freak.”
Bruce is quick to correct Damian before anything can escalate, he gently grabs his shoulder while gesturing at you. “Damian, mind your manners. Sorry about him, now your granny is…”
He trails off with pursed lips, his face tense in such a way that you and everyone else start to think the worst, or best depending on who you ask. Bruce sighs and releases Damian to grab his phone to show you something.
“…is this her?” The man already sounds resigned before he even presses play, you watch a news reel of an elderly woman wrestling with a…. Scary monster? It's huge, scaly skinned with long curled dark claws and yellowed worn fangs to match, the crocodilian tail lashes wildly as it tries in vain to wrestle off the elderly woman in the shawl. You replay the short clip a few times just to try and get a better look at everything…
“that's definitely grandmama…. Who is that….. That Handsome crocodile man?”
When you look up you see four separate looks of disappointment directed at you, clearly the Wayne's have no taste.
🔹🔹🔹
M.list | prev | next
A/n: wow this is a long chapter 😐 I didn't even get to Grandmama yet but this was getting out of hand! Anyways I hope y'all are having a lovely day/night and remember to take care of yourselves! 😚🖤💜🖤
Taglist: @lunarapple @ladykamos @itsberrydreemurstuff @redkarmakai @qardasngan @ibelyss
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landograndprix · 10 months ago
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woman ✾ l.n - viii
❧ you love max, you really do but your little brother has been getting more on your nerves each day as he tries to set you up with one of his friends.
❧ being in love is hard when there's people trying to sabotage it but they aren't aware of the strong bond you and lando have formed over the last few weeks.
❧ lads (gn), I'm so sorry it takes me ages to update this fic pls forgive me :( omce again, spelling mistakes add 🌟 character 🌟 charles' a lil weird and these fans can suck my **** 🥰 verstappen!reader.
❧ prev part – next part
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y/nverstappen posted to their story
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y/nverstappen
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liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 81,564 others
y/nverstappen celebrating iris' 31st the right way ♥️
tagged: irisxo, martingarrix
view all 1,654 comments
irisxo best birfday baby 😘
↳ y/nverstappen ♥️♥️
maxmaxmax my favorite party animals <3
charleslec lmao time to act like adults then?
↳ norry4 life doesn't end after 25 💀
hamilt44n man y'all so pressed about older women living their lives lmfao just say your jealous
verstappenmax my favorite people
mrsnorris am I the only one who thinks her and martin are together?
landitonorris at least she's not in monza bothering lando lol
↳ norstappen not to burst your bubble but max pretty much said he's flying to ibiza with lando after the race 🥰
landitonorris when did he say this?
norstappen in a dutch interview yesterday
landitonorris oh well as long as she stays away from lando 😇
norstappen lmao why, you think you have a chance with him or something?
norry4 honestly hope they get caught making our or something just to upset y'all fake fans even more 💀
versthappenm don't listen to the haters bestie, we still love you ❤️
charlesgirlies 31 and still not settled down, maybe iris should focus on that instead of partying all the time 🤡
↳ carlandooo pretty sad you have to go and talk shit about y/n AND her friends just because she talks to charles, you're the clown here 🤡
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y/nverstappen posted on their story
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charles_leclerc replied to your story
charles_leclerc
You're in Monaco again?
y/nverstappen
Yes
charles_leclerc
hanging out with Max?
y/nverstappen
Yes
charles_leclerc
And lando? 😉
y/nverstappen
You think I don't know what you did?
what do you want from me charles?
charles_leclerc
alright, I'm sorry..can we talk?
y/nverstappen
nah don't think that's necessary
it was never anything serious and never will be anything serious.
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Woman taglist @hockeyboysarehot @beatricemiruna @starwarssavy23 @be-your-coffee-pot @thecubanator2 @ironmaiden1313 @hanniesdawn @leclercdream @alexandralibbre @elliegrey2803 @watersquirtpewpewboomm @laneyspalding19 @whoreks @cha-hot @luciaexcorvus @emma34501 @sunny44 @roseseraj @goldenharrysworld @18754389 @graciewrote
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ckret2 · 2 months ago
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I know the implications of Bill running cults and liking human skin furniture is, like, gross. But goddamn if it isn't also goofy. I don't know if its your fic, or just because of some of the stuff you've written on your blog, but I cannot unsee Bill as being sorta goofy. A little bit of a dork. But of course, there are always the horrors.
oh i'm fully assuming Bill's human furniture kink is just silly. The only gross part is that people don't agree to be stuck in his stone throne and/or skin sofa, but like,, that's gross for the normal "kidnapping and imprisoning people" reasons. If he just, like, asked people if he could sit on them or maybe turn them into sofas, it would be fine. The premise itself is inherently ridiculous. Like we're not talking about serial killers' tanned hide human upholstery, he just magically turns people into couches.
yeah, Bill is goofy. He's not "sorta goofy," he's extremely goofy and it's very canon. He's goofy when he's talking about turning humans into furniture and/or other things:
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And he's goofy when he's talking about cults
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And he's goofy when it's got nothing to do with any of the above
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i didn't come close to running out of examples to post, i just got tired of taking screenshots & writing image descriptions. I didn't even include his sexy bear rug selfie. I didn't even get "i'm not scared of cereal, i eat that stuff for breakfast." He makes henchmaniac recruits fight to the death in ball pits. He tried to ask Trembley to start a jug band with him. He says marbles and magic tricks are more important than love. He posted an apology video with xylophone after Weirdmageddon.
There is NOTHING serious about this triangle. Nothing. He says so himself:
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If you do not interpret Bill as goofy you're missing out on at least 50% of his characterization. He wears a full face of clown paint, and beneath the clown paint he hides the horrors, and beneath the horrors he actually is a clown.
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rootspiral · 6 months ago
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AGATHA ALL ALONG DEEP DIVE: episode 1 part 1
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])
IT'S TIME TO REWATCH AGATHA ALL ALONG, WITCHES! And as usual, spoilers below.
episode 1, Seekest Thou The Road
Wanda is dead (no she ain't). As a result, her spell is weakened and Agatha has changed from her nosy neighbor character to detective Agnes (or caught the true crime bug, as Herb will put it.)
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Stinky grimy Agnes, so serious and depressed. As soon as she appears onscreen she's humming the Ballad.
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Detective Agnes has just been recalled to action after being off duty for a while. She was punished for "punching a suspect", which is code for going after Wanda. Agnes points out that now the suspect is a convicted felon, i.e. that she was right after all and Wanda is dangerous and evil. "I can't be right and wrong" she says. "Yes, you can" says Herb, because both Agatha and Wanda are villain and victim. And lol at the police tape symbolizing Herb's fence. You know the poor guy is in his garden looking down at Agnes in her Bonher family tshirt, wondering what the hell is going on.
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oh that's a seriously good shot
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Agatha looks heartbroken when she sees Wanda's body, doesn't she? She looks so sorry.
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Herb (the real Herb behind the illusion) confirms that Agatha is acting different than usual.
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THIRD TIME SHE DISCREETLY DRIES HER TEARS
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There is nothing funny about Detective Agnes. Or rather, it's funny to watch her because she's so intense, but we laugh at her, she's not being a clown on purpose like Agatha usually is. And Agatha right now is in a lot of pain, even more than usual having completely lost her agency. This character so unkempt, so sad, so doggedly searching for answers, is more true to Agatha's real self than what she usually lets people see. Deep down she's just a tragic lesbian wet rat.
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Somebody called in to have the body found, and I think that somebody was Rio. Why would the body be next to the water otherwise? It's like the River of Life laid her gently where Agatha could find her. In other words, Wanda's death brought her to Agatha. I'm curious about these woods too, we know they don't actually exist as this is all in Agatha's head, but where did the idea come from? Are these the woods where she killed the Salemites? Where she gave birth to Nicky? Or where she buried him?
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Agatha's victims from the finale flashing throughout the opening. Wherever it may bend, I'll see you at the end.
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"based on the danish series WANDAVISDYEN" never fails to destroy me. and it's so clever too, it's like they're telling first time watchers that yes, this seems like a grim detective show, but you clever audiences know that things are not as they seem and this is a parody, right?? this is not serious at all, it's funny! Laugh! Except. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. And you're going to realize only when it's too late. It's the same thing they do with Sharon/Mrs. Hart, they lure you in with laughs only to hit you with heartbreak. This show is not a comedy at all. It's at its very core a senseless tragedy.
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Sarah/Dottie lives next door too, was Agatha talking to her through a window, or does the library desk symbolize another fence? This poor woman, hasn't she suffered enough? But they all more or less try to help Agnes, that's sweet. Has anyone from SWORD or whomever dropped in to talk to them, did the Avengers just decide to leave Agatha there? Did Monica (or Ralph) even explain to the poor people of Westview that she's a witch, or do they just think she's a random neighbor who couldn't be saved from Wanda's Hex?
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THE MAILMAN CONTINUES BEING SUSPICIOUS. Is Agatha putting words in his mouth, or was he (the "messanger") sent by someone to warn her about the Darkhold being destroyed???
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her FACE when she sees Rio
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and the way Rio just stares and stares. When you rewatch this scene knowing that this is the first time she gets to see Agatha in centuries... and she has to be cool and she has to be gentle. I think it's deliberate that they put Phil/Harold/Ross Geller in here, because he's one of the funniest people in Westview and it's suggesting a first time viewer to read this scene as a comedy. Except it's a cosmic tale of tragedy and heartbreak, but you're not supposed to notice yet, even if it's right there under your nose.
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Stop being such a lone wolf, Agnes. Or rather, stop being such a sad and lonely covenless witch, Agatha.
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Rio laughs her delighted little laugh, licks her lips, looks out the window for a moment as if overwhelmed, then goes back looking at Agatha and basically devouring her with her eyes. ("te veo.") (thank you for my life aubrey plaza.) Agatha stares daggers back, but her body language stars getting defensive. She feels very vulnerable.
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Yep, defensive. And wistful.
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She is doing her job, like always. But she's also going above and beyond. There is technically no need for her to wake Agatha up, but here she is, dropping gentle clues, guiding her with such patience and care.
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"If you wanna be in control you can be" is said in such a kind tone, but it's also sexy?? I think Rio really likes for Agatha to take control, in a lot of ways. Her body language is the opposite of what Agatha is doing too.
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Oh noes she's making herself so small now. She's like, intrigued and angry and happy and scared to see Rio. They're both being so tentative!! And she doesn't actually know who Rio is because she's under the damn spell, so her body language and feelings are pure instinct. They come from somewhere very very true and deep. (and LOL that mug says "get a clue")
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Is this who you are now, Agatha? the intense but lonely detective? she's genuinely interested, because Rio investigates Agatha just as Agatha investigates everybody else. Rio simply cannot get enough of her. and she keeps talking with this gentle, warm, understated tone.
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Gains personal space. Keeps staring and staring.
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oh now we're leaning. they do this every scene they are together, they keep getting closer and closer even if they don't mean to, like magnets.
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Agatha literally bolts to the door and tells her to leave. Rio's presence is so overwhelming in so many different and complicated ways, and she doesn't even understand why that is at the moment. Kathryn Hahn is playing this perfectly straight (no pun intended), there is genuine pain in her voice.
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"Te veo", which is not "see you," but I see you, I'm always looking for you, I'm always watching. And I finally see you, after all this time.
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Oh, honey.
I'm running out of space again, but I promise I'll continue this tomorrow. Thank you for all the notes you guys, I was not expecting so many! I'm doing this mostly to amuse myself, but it's nice to know that the brainrot is collective 🙃🙃🙃
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