#don't block me ill cry
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I decided to make some Nessclaus (or ClausNess, however is called) fanart since I saw some other art of them and I thought I'd share mine
#Nessclaus#Clausness#I like the first one better#I think they work nicely together#I cant explain how in few words but I can do so in a 3 page doc#they are complicated but I swear they are a cute couple#In this drawing they are comforting eachother#because they both went through so much#and Im also intimidated to draw them being too couple-y#is the rareship curse#Also I hope Ness looks like Ness here#I imagine them older because I grew up with the game#and I can't imagine them as kids anymore#so the stripped shirt had to go for me#And I don't thinks he is very recognizable like thia#I also can't draw the hat from this angle#it doesn't help#Ill stop now im sorry#im nervous#be kind#don't block me ill cry#my art
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hellooo, I hope you're feeling well! I was wondering however if ouroboros was still being worked on or if it's on hiatus. Hope I wasn't rude in asking
I don't feel it's rude, after all, I have been keeping the development close to my chest. It is still being worked on, edited and transferred into renpy with graphics and soundbytes galore! However, right now, since about three weeks back, I left my partner of 8 years in the middle of the night with just a change of clothes, my dog, and a laptop. I'm struggling hard but putting on a brave face-- right now I'm coming up with a concept of something else to work on until I get a proper apartment and can get my stationary PC back so I can get back to work on ouro. I'll make a proper post about it tomorrow, so keep an eye on this space!
#ouroboros-if#interactive fiction#in all honesty i forgor the password to the louroth tumblr so ill just stick to my personal for now 💀#everything is up in the air. i cry all the time. and when im not crying im writing. LMAO#it'll all work out though it will just take some time to get back on my feet#the ouro book 1 is like 65% done and a demo is even closer. i just haven't found a reasonable stopping point+ some of the most intense edits#and rewrites are in the first chapters and I've been wanting to finish the latter parts first so i don't have to run myself in circles tryin#to line everything up properly. yk?#im so grateful for my patreons for being willing to support me because money is such an issue rn. if I can't make it monetarily on writing i#will have to put it all on complete hiatus and go back to work full time#which I dread bc doggy daycare is so damn expensive. alas! only time will tell what happens next. tomorrow is a big day when i find out#what exactly i will have to do.#thanks for the ask nony<3 i have several other asks i will try to get to during the week!!#please block the 'ouroboros-if' tag if you don't wish to see them dear mutuals<3
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Me after actually almost crying because i played a horror game in the dark and when I tried to leave the room (irl) i thought i heard an entity and i was so brainrotted that i almost started bawling my eyes out and was gonna hide (I started lore(trauma) dropping on my friend in vc right after)
I'm so cooked
#foxett rambles#literally block this tag if you don't wanna hear me yap.#implied pressure (Roblox)#look i got jumped by a pinkie i was SCARED#squiddles made me scared of the dark again!#if i hallucinate a squiddle ill unironically cry and gain a new trauma fear thingy 😂😂😂#first eyeballs then eyes on walls then single eye mutation that scares the living bleep out of me and now pressure entities#REMIND ME NOT TO PLAY PRESSURE WHILE ITS DARK OUTSIDE.#ill have to blast myself with music to drown it out#vent post#i guess???? kinda.?.?????? uh#i want my life back please i miss being a dumb 7 year old i miss being a dumb 12 year old i miss#help me
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#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok)#and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk#and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling?#like one id have good relationships with uk???#and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it?#anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit?#be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time#and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly#but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone?????#like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it#and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right?#and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty???#at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf#idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense?#ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead#and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources#it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!???#yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do#vi.txt
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Well, I made it through today without throwing up or my knees fucking up, so even tho I was half hour late to work I count that as a successful day tbh
#im so scared of all this depo stuff#im worried of taking it anyway cs what if it means the gic won't let me go on t#also if i stop it then my joints are gonna be fucked for like half the time or more#compared to atm it's been like two three days in this entire 2-and-a-bit month block including today#but if it is actually making me ill in other ways or if this horrifying thing is gonna keep happening#it's a fucking shitty decision to make#at least I'd. idfk. i just don't want to be in pain#i want to be able to move without hurting#but if that's not possible then it's not possible#maybe going on t would have a similar side effect - it's my hormones going up and down that send my joints so much like this#mum's the same she used to get bad one half the month#she has a worse baseline than me but doesn't go up and down as much as i do if you know what i mean#going on depo helped her but idk about it for me#oh fuck mobile i can't read my tags back#anyway im stressed#ive liked depo so far (less periods and less pain) but this like i said this morning im scared of#im v scared of getting checked but i know i have to#and im gonna stop typing and think about smth else before i can't stop crying
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#i was ghosted by a person who was really important to me#First it didn't really affect me#Now that more than a month has passed#I realize that I miss them very much#I dream about them even and I wake up so fucking sad#I know it's best that we don't talk anymore but#I miss them#and to think that they are with someone better kills me#Because to be honest I didn't deserve them#My mental illness causes my perspectives of a person to change very radically when they do something I don't like#and I hate that because I can't help but change my attitude towards them#I took it for granted that they would talk to me again as usual#but I think I've been blocked#I don't even dare to send them a message#I know they deserve someone better but at the same time it hurts me not to be me#In such cases I resort to stuffing myself with clonazepam#I want to sleep and not wake up to turn off my mind and not think#I hate myself so much for not being a better person#bpd#bpd vent#tlp#I'm having fits of crying and despair out of nowhere and I hate feeling like my head is completely disoriented#The worst thing of all is that at first I didn't seem to care and I had been feeling fine?#as if nothing was in my mind as if it were blank#It's contradictory because I acted as if nothing had happened#all euphoric#and now I'm falling into reality.
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I currently need to throw my phone into a river because if my mum looks through my phone I'm fucked
#it'll out me as a system and having various mental illnesses#She'll get mad at me for having online friends#she'll probably force me to block them or something and I want to stay friends with them#Without them I have like 2 friends#And only 1 person I can actually be open with#And every single day I cry because I'm scared of losing the only person who knows me for me#I'll be cut off from the entire world and she'll expect me to be happy#I'm happy when I don't have to hide myself but I can't do that here#I'm in a country that hates me and you except me to feel safe going outside?#The only way I'd feel safe is if I changed my name legally and moved to a completely different country#I can't handle living in England and I don't feel safe in this town#I'll just get harassed or I'll see my rapist and have a panic attack#I need mental help so fucking badly but I live in England where my only fucking option is either better help#Or a Councillor who won't take me seriously#The last 2 counsellors I had were shit#The first one talked down to me constantly and there was a language barrier between me and the second so half the time I had no clue-#- what she was saying#My sh is only getting worse#I've finally started bleeding from my sh#And now I'm scared to show my arms around my parents because they'll blame the internet for it#Not the years of bullying or the emotional abuse or the fact I'm still trying to compute the fact I was fucking raped#I blame myself for everything#The internet is how I try to heal#If I get that taken away from me then I'll have nothing#I'll probably try to convert to Christianity just so I have something to believe in#Even though the idea of a god makes me really fucking paranoid#Nothing fucking helps anymore#The only thing I fucking have is my stupid fucking phone#I'm going to kill myself I swear to fuck#Because in this fucking society all I fucking get is oppressed
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New vent art dropped guys 🙃
#we are in fact *not* ok#but drawing is a good alternative to self harm or listening to The Voices™ sooooo#currently sitting here fightin the urge to burn myself with a candle#anyway back to the doodles I go before The Urges win ❤️❤️❤️#idle speaks#queenie draws#queenie rambles#i am not okay#im blurry and having a crisis and like 99% sure we split again#i have no idea who I am and its not a vibe#this is a cry for help#(ignore me Ill be fine again once my brain blocks this all from my memory and I jjst assume we went to bed early tonight until I realize#persephone blocked me and I do this all over again in the morning and maybe make myself sick. which would add another layer to this Hell#because I don't want to deal with emetophobia in the middle of whatever this is)
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Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4
TLDR: gonna try to remove it with force. open to alternative measures if anyone has any bright ideas
the long version under the cut
thank you all for the advice, sympathies, and concerns. i appreciate it greatly.
but i legitimately think im gonna have to kill this thing. or at least try.
i have no way of proving this and it could very well just be the stress of the situation, but i think it's somehow making me sick. ive been having the worst night terrors of my life, waking up bruised and extremely ill, and (like i mentioned in the tags of my original post) my eye has been bleeding. ill post a picture if anyone's interested but idk if it's too gruesome for tumblr.
some of yall have been saying to feed it + house it, which feels slightly absurd to me given how overtly threatening it has been, and a handful have mentioned contacting either an exorcist or "The Pines", both of which i do not have the means to do. i have never had the desire to hurt another living thing in my entire life before. i cry when i squash bugs in my attempts to take them outside. but then again, i haven't been feeling like myself. and i am overwhelmingly terrified.
i don't have my gun license but i do have a toolshed and knife block. i am not very strong but i dont feel like i have any other option. if anyone has any better ideas id love to hear them now because i do feel my life is in serious danger. it tries to grab me when i peek in the bathroom.
(again, inspired by @squidflavoredsoup !! their houseguest seems a little less volatile than mine ^^)
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remembering a few years ago when one of my friends made a joke about heroin and my other friend was like "don't joke about heroin they (me) almost lost a family member to it!!!" and i immediately went "no she's fine that was funny as fuck lmao"
#also i would like to note that the friend who tried to defend me or whatever ended up being a shitty ass person sjsksheksk#i haven't talked to them in a WHILE#the other friend tho (the one who made the joke originally) was really cool but i lost contact with them :(#oh and the toxic friend would basically lose their mind when someone made a joke they didn't like#instead of being like “hey i don't really like that joke can you not say stuff like that please?” they'd go “YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON-#“HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT I HATE YOU”#and then block me and the other friend and leave the gc#and then like 10 minutes later unblock us and come back like “oops sorry i got mad lol but it's really not my fault 😗”#also they were like . obsessed with dsmp#karl specifically oh my god#that bitch was creepily obsessed with him#i said he was cute once (this was back when i thought i was pan) and she blocked me for like 2 days#and she was still angry afterwards#i do not miss her hdjsjsjakwhhejrj#OH ALSO#the other friend (ima call her dee)#was going thru what i think was a depressive episode and this girl (i don't remember her name so ill call her kay)#DEADASS MADE FUN OF HER AND LAUGHED AT HER#DEE WAS LITERALLY CRYING AND KAY WAS FUCKING LAUGHING#UGHHH im still angry about that#kay was really a toxic pick me girl im so glad she is out of my life#oh and last time i talked to dee she said she stopped being friends with kay so thank god for that#i do miss dee sometimes tho she was fun as hell and really nice too#hope she's doing ok#OH HOLY FUCK THIS IS LONG#OOPS#LMAO sorry i really had to rant for a bit#i might edit this if i think of more stuff
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I wanna be blunt about this ongoing James somerton suicide threat issue but I don't want to connect it to my IRL Twitter to comment on the dogshit takes I'm seeing there or the good and well meaning but maybe too kind takes I'm seeing here.
Obviously, I hope that this is a false alarm cry for help fake threat. Yes, it would reinforce that Somerton is a self-centered egomaniac who can't handle consequences but that's preferable to dead.
But I work in local news and let me tell you something. I've covered half a dozen family annihilating murder suicides and heard hundreds of men making suicide threats over police scanners and a huge swath of these don't happen because they're depressed or because people are mean to them on the Internet. They're punishment. A person with an enormous amount of entitlement towards people around them gets backed into a corner and they punish the people closest to them by killing themselves or threatening to kill themselves.
No one wants to talk about this feature of suicide because...you want to help people who are struggling and guide them away from this path and being blunt about the fact that sometimes people die of suicide as a consequence of their own shittiness towards the world does not really help actively suicidal people. But suicide rates are higher in men not just because they have higher rates of untreated mental illness (a societal issue we must address for the sake of all) but because some people, often men, use suicide (but more often the threat of suicide) as a tool of abuse and control.
I'm not saying somerton is like, an icky abuser bad guy, he's just a run of the mill grifter scumbag, but his actions in the past show a clear pattern of escalating behavior that aligns with this.
Somerton gets called out -> somerton alleges physical threats of violence against himself and his fans rally around him supportively -> Harry calls somerton out in a bigger way -> Somerton says he's hospitalized but there are inconsistencies with the story but no one wants to talk about that because you wanna be nice-ish about a guy who just tried to kill himself and now he's trying to be framed as tragic but it doesn't really stick -> somerton apologizes again but his apology is rightly called out for lies and manipulative framing as well as his continuing attempts to profit off the community he betrayed -> James posts a suicide note publicly putting the onus of his own suicide on the loss of his friend Nick who he repeatedly threw under the bus and now everyone is rallying to say nice-ish shit and wring their hands in concern over poor james -> indefinitely repeat this vicious cycle forever until he actually does die or finally gives up and gets real, intensive therapy and a day job.
Thats not to say anyone's concern is misplaced, it's 100% better for him to be a living scumbag than a dead one. He deserves the chance to grow and learn and have a life outside of youtube.
But you don't have to portray this as the action of a sad depressed man who got bullied off the Internet. It's manipulation, whether he intended to go through with it or not and whether someone intervened or not. Not denying that internet bullying is a thing, I'm sure there were some people who were shitty directly to James but he made the choice to not unplug from this and to try and keep being a public figure rather than taking care of himself. He could have deleted Twitter, blocked anyone who was an asshole, gone to therapy and tried to move on with his life but if he'd deleted his channel he'd have lost monetization... Can't have that, right? So he posts some apology videos so his channel stays active and then complains about how ruinous this is while never trying to take real accountability.
But the reality is that people would have forgotten about him so quickly and maybe his job prospects would've been impacted but...that's on him, and that's for him to figure out but it's not actually life ruining. He chose to continue to engage knowing he'd get backlash and hate and he'd feel worse and worse and things would never get better without the time and space for people to forget.
He made the choice to make a public spectacle of his own alleged suicide. That is the action of someone who wants to put the weight of their suicide on someone else's shoulders and is morally wrong. He can be held to account for that, alive or dead.
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eventually
words: 700
warnings: established relationship, college student!reader, long distance relationship, cheating, not a happy ending, wheezie is a queen as per usual, mentions/implications of hooking up but the fic is pretty sfw
“it'll be… it'll be really hard and i understand if you want to break up.” just the words coming out of your mouth breaks your heart.
“is that what you want?”
“what?” you shake your head quickly, moving to sit even closer and taking rafes hands in yours, squeezing them tightly. “i love you. i don't want us to ever break up, but im going to college three hours away.”
“we will just have to go long distance.” rafe raises your joined hands and kisses the back of your hand to your fingers. “im not giving up on the only good thing in my life.”
“oh, rafe.” you pout, launching yourself forward into a tight embrace.
--six months later--
you smile at the email approving you to take your exam early. it's the last one you need and considering you already have a 4.0 in the glass, you don't see it dropping just because you get less time to study.
you quickly close outlook and open up your text messages. as much as you want to tell rafe that you'll be coming home two weeks early, you also really want to surprise him.
hey wheezie girl!! I need your help…
--
“where is he?” you whisper as wheezie let's you into the house.
“in his room.” wheezie also keeps her voice low. “he might be asleep though so i don't know if you want to wait.”
“no.” you shake your head quickly. you just got home and the first thing you did was drive to tanneyhill, you're not sure if you can wait even a minute longer. “i got it from here, thanks girl.” you give wheezie a big hug. “i missed you too, ya know.”
wheezie hugs you back before letting you tiptoe up the stairs, keeping your steps as light as to not wake rafe.
you take a deep breath when you see his door, excitement filling in you knowing he's just on the other side.
you grip the brass handle and turn it slowly, attempting to keep the door from creaking as you step into the dark room.
your eyes take a second to adjust to the darkness, the morning light blocked out by the heavy curtains. you recognize a figure in bed and take a few steps closer, but with every movement, your heart drops further.
the sob rips from your chest before you even realize you're crying, waking rafe instantly.
“baby?” he sits up quickly, his voice frantic. “what are you doing here?”
“baby?!” you squeal. “you don't get to call me baby when there's a girl in your fucking bed!”
the clearly naked girl, gripping the blanket to her chest is now awake and staring at the both of you in confusion, probably some touron who had no clue what she was getting involved with.
“p-please.” rafe stutters, standing quickly. “it doesn't mean anything, i don't even remember her name i just needed to-”
you hold your hand up. “i don't want to hear it. i can't believe you… this is over. we are over.”
you walk quickly out of the room and stumble down the stairs, feeling like the house is suffocating you.
you don't even realize that you bump directly into ward, practically crashing into him and forcing him back into rose.
“y/n, what's wrong?” ward asks just as rose asks you when you got home, the whole family knowing when to expect you.
“what's wrong is your son is a cheater.” you give rafe a glare as he stands at the top of his stairs in only his underwear.
“rafe-” ward growls out. he knows how good you are for his son, he's seen the shift in his behavior since you left.
“baby, i still love you, she means nothing to me! it was just casual-”
you leave the house as his pleas continue, not wanting to hear another word of his bullshit arguments, knowing two years has now gone down the drain.
“im sorry.” you look up to see wheezie standing by your car. “i didn't know for sure but… but i guessed. i know you needed to see it with your own eyes. he went to a party last night and-”
“oh, wheeze.” you quickly give her a hug. “it's okay. ill be okay.”
“you will?”
you don't know the answer to that question, not for certain as you look back at the house, rafe stood in the doorway but not following you as ward lectures him.
“not any time soon.” you admit honestly. “but i will be. eventually.”
sfw taglist: @winterrrnight @bejeweledreverie @ethanthequeefqueen @ladyinbl00d @drewsephrry
#rafe angst#rafe cameron angst#obx angst#outer banks angst#rafe fic#rafe fanfic#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe x you#rafe x y/n#rafe x oc#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x oc#rafe cameron x reader#rafe imagine#rafe blurb#rafe one shot#rafe drabble#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron one shot#rafe cameron drabble
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! Calling all ed accounts !
I know this isn't going to be seen as much as I think it should but it is important anyway. There is an account going by fuzzypatrolking that is harassing ed based accounts. They are claiming that this isnt a safe space for us and that we use it as an excuse to indoctrinate children into ed culture.
Many of us say minors DNI and block anyone who is a minor
even my therapist isnt mad at me for looking through ed tumblr (yes fuzzypatrolking I have a therapist go cry about it)
My ed developed from physical and sexual abuse when I was just two years old which destroyed any positive thinking about my body, having other adults who can relate to my experience is helpful and counts as a safe space
If you dont want children looking at ed content thats on you the parent not the rest of the internet... parental controls exist.
Many people who have ed accounts vent and don't give tips, we never body shame each other or others, its an eating disorder that changes OUR preception of ourselves not other people
Fuzzypatrolking also claims the accounts they have interacted with have called them fat... which most likley means they are interacting with minors
We understand we are mentally ill, we never claimed to deny that. Most of us are in therapy those who arent like they claim are most likley minors who dont know how to startr conversations.
Of course I am going to get mad at the whole account reporting. I have had 10 accounts termed in the past 4 years and have then lost a lot of amazing people who knew what I was going through and could support me when I was mentally unwell (not that my feelings are theirs to control)
If they are so mad that we are harming minors why are they not talking about fake ana coaches who actually prey on vulnerable teen girls to get nudes in the form of 'body checks'
Stop harassing mentally ill people who are finding the support they need to eventually recover. You are not helping. You are harming. Instead of talking about the real causes of eating disorders you push that blame onto those who experience the same eating disorders.
#low cal diet#low cal meal#low cal restriction#tw ed but not sheeran#tw ed sheeran#tw edtwt#tw ed descussion#ed relapse#ed dairy#ed br#tw ana bløg#4norexla#4n4blr#4nor3xia#4n4rexia#4n0rexic#th1n$pø#th1nsp1ration#th1gh g@p#th1nspø#th1nnsp0#low calorie meals#⭐️ve#⭐️rving#⭐️vation goals#⭐️ ing motivation
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Devil’s Doll ⥃ Mob boss!Aemond
Summary: no one can do anything when Aemond Targaryen sets his eye on a sweet girl and comes to the party with her on his arms, and those who dare to say an ill word will face his wrath with a bullet in their head.
Warnings: 18+ mdni! Smut, p in v, possessive & obsessive Aemond, mob/mafia au! Murder, creampie, Aemond is a sociopath simp for you, blood & gore, oral (F! Receiving), rough sex, Qoren Martell is an ass here, self defense murder, ztell me if I’ve missed anything. English isn’t my first language so if you’re not okay with that, simply ignore this post. if you don't wanna read dark content, block rue:darkcontent <3
Word count: 3.5k
a/n: babeeees! Hello and welcome back to another unhinged smutty one shot I have written! Hope this satisfies your needs for possessive Aemond🤭 please reblog and comment, it’s most appreciated🩷
A very special thank you to @targaryen-dynasty for beta-ing this piece!🩷🫂
In the world of crimes, Aemond Targaryen’s name is enough to make men shiver in fear. The ruthless nature of him has been the subject of many late-night stories in the past few years in the filthy streets of King’s Landing and beyond.
The one-eyed prince they call him. The infamous second son of Viserys the Coward has built an empire solely around one thing; blood and vengeance.
After the murder of his fiance at the hands of his uncle, he became an untamed beast, bloodthirsty and hungry for revenge to the point that he became the god in the eyes of many — he wiped the streets off any man from his sister’s clan, ruled on the ashes of their bones and burnt flesh.
He thrived in the newfound power, he cherished it and greedily took more and more until there was nothing left more to take. Aemond Targaryen became the head of his clan with his loyal followers doing anything to please him and keep their heads attached to their necks.
So when he finds a new sweet girl at the local coffee shop he frequents, his emotions begin to cloud his judgment or heighten it in a way.
It starts innocently; a black coffee with dark chocolate on a daily basis, a sweet smile, and ‘Have a nice day, sir!’ Always ready for him.
Sweet girl, he calls you when you bring him his order and brushes his fingers atop yours when you lean down to put his coffee on the table.
He looks, he observes, and he obsesses over your every move, every step you take, every inhale and exhale. He likes watching you.
The ruthless god of the criminal world has set his eye on his new prey.
You notice him, of course you do, because he wants you to know about him, he wants you to be as interested in him as he is in you. He loves how your lips move when you question his motives; sweet girl he calls you again, telling you how beautiful you look when you work and how he desperately wishes he could take you out on a date. But he can’t, not when his enemies are behind the corner, ready to strike where he is weak.
Yes, you are his weakness, and the one-eye god isn’t used to it, but for you… oh for you he would murder, he would let his bloodlust get the best of him and commit a massacre just to see a glimpse of your smile.
He catches you crying in the corner of the cafe, mouth agape as you stare at the man who was supposed to be your date for today, lying limp and lifeless with a bullet in his head.
Sweet girl, he calls you as he brushes your hair out of your face, you look like a doll, his doll, and oh, in the pit of your stomach you feel a strange warmth because of his heated gaze. He is smiling, he shouldn’t but he is, and you smile back, captivated by his nature, by his cruelty and devotion.
It feels like fresh air when you reach out to caress his dimples, how he has dreamed of your soft skin on his. The touch only makes him hungrier, a desire, a need to make you his, and he does that night. He takes you to your small apartment, giving you a pleasure like no other while you cling to him — sweet girl, my doll, he calls you, vowing in his head to protect you, and when he asks you why you do not feel disgusted by what he has done to that man, you reply:
“I’m sick of heroes. They ruin their loved ones to keep others safe. But a villain, my devil, you, will burn the city without letting a flame touch my skin.”
He is like your shadow from that day; following you around in the dark without you noticing, keeping his business up while he focuses on you. Sweet girl, he thinks, how you smile at those unworthy people, your smile should be his and his only.
The news spreads like fire; Aemond Targaryen has found a new plaything. As soon as those words fall from one of his men, others gasp and shriek, staring at the poor man’s head that has a hole carved with Aemond’s bullet.
Plaything they say, he scoffs at the thought. You are no plaything for him, you are his sun, his moon, the air to his lungs, you are fuel for his soul, and he wishes he could burn under you to show you how much you mean to him, to crumble into pieces and let you stomp over him while he basks in the glow of your face.
You are his doll, The Devil’s doll.
He knows how dangerous his world is, he understands it perfectly, and that’s why he nearly loses himself when he finds the door to your apartment ajar with muddy footprints leading to your bedroom.
He sees red when the scent of iron hits his nose; blood, he thinks. What has happened to you? He has never felt such a strong emotion before, not for his fiance or even his sister. Now, he is shaking with fury, his knuckles white from how hard he’s gripping the gun.
You leap into his arm as soon as you spot him in the doorway, letting the knife fall from your hands while you push yourself to him, clutching his shoulders while you sob.
He sighs in relief, holding you in his arms tighter than he has ever done before. You’re alright, his sweet girl, his doll. He listens to you intently, wiping off the tears that fall from your gorgeous eyes gently, oh you look just like a dream come true; your dress is covered in blood, a man you killed for defense lying on the floor beneath his boot.
He has never been more proud of anyone than he is of you.
He wants to show you off to the world, sick of all the hiding and lies behind the rumors spread by Rhaenyra’s clan. He needs to let everyone know how beautiful his doll is, and what a goddess he has in his arms.
He helps you get ready, keeping his hands all over your body while you try to put some clothes on, giggling and indulging him as he kisses your bare shoulders, groaning at the sight of you in black and red.
“Sweet girl, I have to be the luckiest man alive to have you as mine.” He whispers in your ear, eye narrow as he takes you in again, thinking about how he could be graced by your presence.
“And I the luckiest girl, my love. You make me feel so happy,” you reply, spraying your perfume on your neck and collarbones, and Aemond nearly moans as he takes your scent in.
“Fuck, you have to be a sorceress, I am bewitched by your beauty and smile. What have you done to me, doll? What spell have you put me under?” He attacks your neck with kisses, relishing in the small giggle you gift him.
“I’ve poured a potion in your coffee every day, to make sure your eye only sees me and no other girl.” You joke, turning around in his arms to give him a soft peck on the lips, mindful of your lipstick to leave no trace on his clean-shaven face.
“Don’t give me ideas, doll. I might do it just to keep you all to myself.” He grins, his dimples on display for you to kiss them, chuckling as you try to wipe the red stains off his face.
“Oh, I would love that. Please do, my love,” you match his smile, lopping your arms around his neck, “now, let’s go to this party. The sooner we go, the sooner we can leave and have our fun.”
“Anything for you, sweet girl.” He says, offering you his arm as you both walk towards the door, Aemond helping you down while you hold the long skirt of your dress in your hand, taking cautious steps to the car.
Criston nods at both of you and opens the door, waiting until the two of you are settled inside the car before he gets in himself and starts driving to the location.
Aemond was reluctant to attend this party, after all, it was hosted by one of the clans that were loyal to his sister, but his grandfather convinced him to go with Aegon and Daeron, but he declined and said he’d rather go alone with his doll.
You smile at him, caressing his ring-clattered fingers that are caressing your thigh gently, talking with Cole about what is expected of tonight; murder for sure, but he would rather not get caught up in the whirlwind of hatred he has for his sister and uncle, and most importantly, he needs to keep you safe from all the eyes of those hungry men.
The ride to the mansion is quick, and a sense of dread fills the two of you when your eyes meet. Aemond presses a kiss to your forehead to both calm himself and you before the car comes to a stop and he steps out, coming to your side and holding your hand to help you on your feet.
The moment you step inside the house, you are greeted by various couples, men, women, and people that you have no idea about. You keep your head high, squeezing Aemond’s arm as the two of you hide your discomfort behind a smile while everyone keeps staring at you.
“Targaryen,” someone calls Aemond behind you, “you honored me with coming tonight!” You both turn around, finding Mr. Tyrell and his wife and oldest daughter waiting to greet you.
“The honor is mine, sir,” Aemond shakes his hand, reaching to press a kiss to Mrs. Tyrell’s hand, “thank you for having us tonight. Let me introduce you to my girl,” he puts his large palm on your waist, gently pulling you closer to him as you shake and greet your hosts.
“You certainly have won yourself a prize, Aemond.”
“No prize is as beautiful as she is, I’m afraid.” Your lover says, pinching your waist playfully away from the eyes of the attendees, looking at you with nothing but adoration and unconditional devotion.
“You’re too kind, my love,” you smile, “Lady Tyrell, I would love to get to know you more.” Aemond nods at you gratefully, glad that he has discussed his plans for the party with you.
Aemond watches you being led away by the ladies, letting the smile fall from his lips as he gazes back at Tyrell himself, “I hope you have good reasons for wasting my time here.”
“I do, Mr. Targaryen. I wish to introduce you to Prince Martell from Dorne.” Tyrell says, pointing at a group of men who’re talking intensely. As soon as the two of them approach the group, they grow silent, waiting for Aemond to say something — their silence could be because of two things, either they respect him, or they’re terrified of him.
He hoped it was the latter, for with fear there comes blind respect and loyalty.
“Ah, Targaryen,” Prince Qoren Martell says, reaching to shake Aemond’s hand, “how wonderful to finally meet the One-Eyed God of the underground. Made yourself quite the name, huh?” Qoren smirks, already sensing how his words irritate Aemond.
Aemond shakes his hand back, tightening the hold he has on him, a ghost of a sinister smile forms on his face while he stares at the Dornish man with his indigo eye.
“Can’t say the same about you, Prince Qoren. What have you been doing all this time, not ruining the South, I hope?”
“You’re funny,” Qoren laughs, tapping Aemond on the shoulder, “Ah, I missed someone who’d challenged me over stupid things, kind of feels good to have a kid like you around.”
“Mind your words, Martell. He is no ordinary man, these silly little challenges will be the least of your concerns if he decides you’re not worth his time.” Barros Baratheon, ever the loyal dog of Aemond, speaks up, standing tall and proud next to him.
“Pft, please, I’m sure he knows I’m joking!” Qoren laughs nervously this time, “but… I don’t think your man isn’t doing great nowadays huh?”
“What do you mean?” Aemond asks, slapping Qoren’s hand away, “I wonder what has been said that makes you so full of yourself.”
“I don’t need to say a thing, look, your pretty plaything is coming,” Martell smirks as he eyes you up, watching the sway of your hips as you walk shyly towards Aemond, feeling a bit out of place due to all the looks on you.
“Eyes on me, Martell,” Aemond says through gritted teeth, anger swimming in his good eye as he watches the Dornish man look at you intently.
“Aemond…” he turns around at the sound of your voice, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
“Sweet girl—“
“Ah, it’s truly a shame that a beautiful girl like you wouldn’t reach anywhere with being a side chick for a Targaryen.” A deadly silence falls on the group, Aemond with his ever-rising temper looks at Qoren who hasn’t realized what he has truly said.
“Elaborate, Martell.” He hisses, reaching to pull you closer to him, covering your body mostly with his.
“You need a lady sooner or later, I doubt a woman from her status would be a good choice of a wife for you. You need someone stronger, with more connections, and a mind as sharp as you, not just a pretty whore to keep your bed warm,” Qoren shrugs, and a few men from his side laugh and agree with him.
Aemond presses his lips into a thin line, his fingers twitching in anger as he gazes at Qoren; he looks murderous, ready to pull his gun out and empty a bullet in that useless head of his — but he’s stopped by the sound of your sniffing.
He looks at you, his features softening immediately when he sees your teary eyes. He feels as if he’s about to die with a dagger in his good eye; the look on your face hurts him, burns his heart, and tears it into pieces. The string you’ve wrapped around him tightens and tightens until he cradles your smaller face in his hand, pressing a sweet kiss to your quivering lips before his eye turn black with madness.
He pushes you behind him, and in a second, the hall is filled with screams and shrieks of horror and bullets flying around, bodies of the men who dared to disrespect Aemond’s doll are falling on the floor next to his shoes one by one.
He feels you bury your head in his blazer, gasping at the sound of yet another bullet firing into someone’s head. Aemond doesn’t blink, not even once. His blood is pumping with the urge to showcase how much he’s willing to do to keep his sweet girl happy and content.
“Let this be a reminder to all of you,” his voice echoes in the hall, “whoever dares to say anything about my girl will face the same fate; death! Aemond Targaryen will go to a fucking war for his future wife!” With that, he holds his gun upwards to the ceiling, firing not one, not two, but nearly six bullets to make sure the hall is empty besides the corpses and the two of you.
“Aemond…”
“Shh,” he shushes you roughly, pressing his lips into a searing kiss to yours, groaning at the sweet taste of your lips. He adores losing himself in you; in your taste, in your scent, in every ounce of attention you give him. He feels blessed to even breathe the same air as you, but kissing you… his heart stops every time his lips meet yours, and now, with adrenaline and anger swirling in his veins, he wants nothing but to show you his devotion — even if it comes out as a rough fucking session while staring at the men he killed for you.
His trimmed nails dig into your sides, groaning at the feeling of you melting beneath his rough touch. Aemond is a man possessed with how he handles you, strong and confident while he finds the closest table and finally breaks the kiss.
He watches how your chest heaves with ragged breaths, lips swollen, and eyes wide and hazy with lust — the perfect picture of a goddess that he has been graced with.
He turns you around, pushing you on the table until you’re bending over, looking directly at the limp bodies on the floor drowning in their own blood. He hums as his fingers caress your spine before he strikes you on your ass, humming at the feeling of the weight of your flesh under his hand.
He doesn’t have the will to wait anymore. He drops on his knees, pushing your dress up to your hips until he’s face to face with your bare pussy; wet and ready to be devoured.
“Good girl,” he praises you for listening to him when he asked you earlier to not wear any underwear, “The most gorgeous cunt I’ve ever seen, prettiest girl, my doll.” He’s already drunk on your essence without even tasting it, that’s how much he adores you.
He moans at the same time as you do when he finally dives in, wrapping his thin lips around your buzzing clit as he devours and eats like a starved dog, caging your hips while he takes and takes and takes from you.
There’s not a thought in his head, empty and filled with nothing but an urge to show you how eager he is to please and protect you, your loyal dog he calls himself.
The One-Eyed God crumbles for a simple barista girl, and not a single soul dares to say a word, for if they say, they’ll experience his rage.
Aemond is quick and messy with how his tongue laps up your wetness, creating lewd sounds that have both of your hearts racing. His fingers join his tongue, filling you up slightly and giving you the friction you need, but you know him, the only way you can come is on his cock.
You whine in agony as he leaves you aching for more as soon as he feels you getting closer, but he doesn’t leave you waiting for too long. The sound of his zipper brings back your attention to him, and he chuckles in delight when he sees you wiggling yourself back to get some friction, to end this torture and gives into the temptation.
And he does; he aligns his painfully hard cock with your soaked entrance, pushing himself in with one smooth thrust that knocks the breath out of your lungs.
Long is gone the man he was a few seconds ago; he is on a mission now, fucking you until you tremble and fall from the edge of bliss, knowing it’s him pleasuring you, it’s him who will burn this blasted city for you.
“Oh, sweet girl, I’ll kill thousands of men if it means I get to be inside this sweet pussy—fuck-“ he groans, hands finding home on your hipbones as he quickens his pace, driving his cock in and out. Hard and fast.
The squelching sound that your wetness is making embarrasses you, and you hide your face in your arms while you squeal his name over and over again.
Your Devil has grown like ivy around your heart, covering the last untouched part of your souls that he had left untouched, and you love it, love being consumed by him.
He bends down over your back, hips snapping into yours roughly, filling you up with his length as the thick tip of him kisses your cervix while his teeth sink into your bare shoulder.
“Do you see the lengths I would go to protect you, sweet girl?” He whispers in your ear, licking your tear away with the tip of his tongue, “I will commit unspeakable crimes just to have you by my side.”
You nod at him, looping your arm around his neck to bring him down, and he compiles, bending further on your back to kiss you roughly.
Both of you are close; the knot in your stomach gets unbearable until it snaps and you moan loudly in his mouth, gushing around him as your legs shake.
He follows closely; his cock throbs deep within your core, and with one final rough thrust, he empties his balls inside you, coating your velvety walls with his thick cum, marking you as his once more.
You glance back at the corpses, smiling devilishly at how Qoren Martell’s empty eyes are still on you.
“Sweet girl,” Aemond says, “you’re untouchable now. Targaryen clan is yours to rule.”
#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond x reader#aemond one eye#modern aemond#prince aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen smut#rue:smut#dark aemond targaryen#dark aemond x reader#dark aemond smut#rue:darkcontent
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Maybe a better idea..... Farmer Flemish giant rabbit Yan catches Foxboy reader, but gives reader the choice that if he becomes the yans malewife he can live.
(That was the plan to some extent in the long run, but the chase is fun, no? Regardless, here's a blurb of the two lovebirds)
Male Flemish Rabbit Yan + Foxboy Reader
Warnings: Imprisonment, kidnapping. Reader's pronouns are not mentioned, but they are thought of as male. The term Wife is used.
-
That bastard....
"Let me out! Let. Me. Out!"
Rearing your legs as far back as the tight space would grant, your knees bump into your chest as you kick out. Metal grates dig at your arms with every slight turn and jostle of your body. Dirt and moulted feathers mat your fur, yet there isn't any poultry in sight for you to feast and console yourself upon.
Damn it... You knew it was too good to be true. That farmer was a fool, but a watchful and cautious one at that. He'd never leave the door to his pens open unless he was sick or injured. Maybe part of you had prayed that he was. Wrong as it may be to wish ill on someone making a living for himself, you were just trying to survive too.
"Let me out.... please.." Your voice wavers as the pains of hunger and stress exhaust what little strength you have left. Your balled fists slap pathetically against the metal cages as tears well in your eyes, daring to spill. You won't let them. You won't let him win.
"I said...GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
The gravel outside your wooden prison shifts.
"In due time, Love. We've got a deal to make first."
Dread consumes the emptiness in your stomach, pinning your limbs to the dirt covered floor as he at sinks to his knees. Your knees curl into your chest once more, body and mind subconsciously making yourself smaller as his larger figure draws into view - blocking your sight of the forest beyond his land. Your home. You don't even realize your crying till his fingers brush the wetness from your cheek. You have half a mind to bite them off as they get stuck between the grates.
You snarl- "If you wanted me gone you could've asked..."
The farmer presses a strong hand to his mouth, suppressing a laugh. "If I wanted ya gone, I would'a taken the sheriff's generous offer of a shotgun the last time I had him over. You know how he is about outsiders."
The bite in your stare remains - still, your legs quiver at the mention. "You aren't going to turn me over to him, are you?
He can't. The farmer is lenient towards your crimes, but that man.. That rabbit... He'll have you hanging from the town hall by nightfall.
"Please... I'll...I'll do anything...I'll work off my debt day and night, I-"
"Sweetheart...." The farmer rest a hand on the steel wall of the coop, gently petting its bars as he would your fuzzy little head once you agreed to be his. "It's okay. Nobody's gonna hurt you or make you do any hard labor."
"Then-" Your cracked tongue wets your splitting lips. "What do you want from me?"
The farmer cranes his head, meeting you eye to eye. The bags beneath his eyes seemed heavier than usual. How long had been out here waiting for you to return?"
"Cute little fox like yourself shouldn't be out here scrounging around for scraps or the occasional unattended hen. You should have a roof over your head, a comfy bed, all the food you could ever want."
What's he going on about? Another trap?... "If I'm not going to work for it... How does this deal benefit you?"
"I want you to be my wife."
"Wha?!- Ouch!-" Your head shoots up, ramming into the low hanging support beams. "Are you crazy?"
The farmer lets a chuckle slip. "Heh, I'd have to have lost my mind not falling for ya. Think about it this way, Sweetheart. You come home with me and I fill that belly of yours full of food. Or I call up the sheriff and he fills it with lead. Your choice."
Your howling stomach betrays any fight you have remaining. You don't have many options in this scenario. Push come to shove, you could possibly make your escape in the dead of night when he least expects it - taking as many of his hens as your arms could carry.
"Okay... I'll.. be your wife."
"Smart fox." The farmer stands - rounding the corner to the front of the henhouse. He lifts the wooden board that had fallen into place as you crawling inside hours ago. Your legs are too cramped and spent from all that kicking to fight him as he pulls you out by your tail and into his well built arms. The farmer presses his nose to your face, nuzzling your cheek as he walks off towards his home - carrying you bridal style.
"Welcome home, Hun."
#yandere oc#yandere imagines#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere insert#yandere scenarios#male yandere#yandere blurb#yandere x you#yandere headcanons#yandere hybrid#yandere drabble#yandere farmer#yandere male#tw yandere#male reader
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Me or him (part 4)
~ part 1, part 2, part 3
pairing: felix x afab!reader x hyunjin genre: angst, smut word count: 3.2k warning/s: swearing, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, squirting, unprotected p in v (don't do it), creampie, no happy ending!!! a/n: this is the last chapter of this mini series! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i had fun writing it🫶🏻(and also made myself cry while writing this last chapter dkdldl) ~ check out my: Masterlist
The last few days, you were nothing but miserable. All day, every day you thought about what you did and the more you thought about it, the more it depressed you.
Felix has been texting and calling for days. But you couldn't deal with him and the last thing he said before he left that night.
'I'll never give up on us.'
What he said made you even more mad in that moment. You tried calling Hyunjin but it seems that he blocked your number as soon as he left the apartment and your life.
You knew there was no going back and there was no way he would ever forgive either of you but you wanted to at least tell him how bad you felt for betraying him and breaking his heart.
Changbin came to pick Hyunjin's stuff up and he gave you the cold shoulder as soon as he saw you.
"H-how's Hyunjin?"- you ask quietly as Changbin packs his stuff.
"How do you think he is?"- he scoffs, not even looking at you.
"I- I know I fucked up real bad. But can you just tell him how sorry-"
"No, y/n. You don't get to apologize and feel better because of it. Hyunjin deserves more than a shitty apology you're making just because you feel guilty. I hope you feel guilty for a very long time cause you really broke his heart. Both you and... Felix. I don't wish anything ill upon anyone usually, but honestly whatever karma you two get, you deserve it."- Changbin says, shoving the last of the boxes closed.
You're silent. There is nothing you can do, you know Changbin loves Hyunjin like a brother and nothing you say to him in this moment can repair what you've broken.
"Also, here's anything you gifted to Hyunjin or him to you while you were together. He doesn't want any of the stuff to remind him of you so sell them, throw them away or something. I don't know."- Changbin shrugs, bringing in a box.
"Goodbye, y/n."
-
Your apartment might as well be completely vacant cause that's how it feels. Half of your closet is empty. Hyunjin's favorite snacks are gone from the pantry. His paintings that adorned the walls were gone, the paint on the wall lighter where they used to hang, leaving just a shadow of what once was.
The smell of his skin has almost completely faded away from your sheets. You can't even sleep in your bed because every time you lay down in it, you remember how you said your lovers name in the most intimate moment shared with your boyfriend, and your chest squeezes in anxiety.
You sleep on the couch, you force yourself to eat, you exist at work, your days seem to be seeping into one long painful experience. It's like you're barely even real, like the world is moving around you in slow motion and you're just there.
You can't take it.
You can't take being alone.
-
Your hand trembles as you lift it up, contemplating if you should actually be doing this.
It's still not too late to turn back and just go home. But what are you going back home to? Empty walls? A cold bed? That damn box of things that remind Hyunjin of you that you still didn't manage to bring yourself even to touch?
No, you can't go back there. Not like this.
So you ring the doorbell.
"Coming!"- you hear his muffled voice.
The door opens and a disheveled Felix widdens his eyes at the sight of you.
"Y/n!"- he gasps.
"I... I didn't know where else to go."- you say weakly.
Felix stares at you for a moment, the look in his eyes becoming softer.
"Come in."- he says and steps aside.
You end up sitting on his couch, where everything started. Pretty ironic, you think. He sits down too, and the two of you struggle to say something.
"Didn't you say that you don't ever wanna see me again?"- he asks quietly.
"That didn't stop you from calling and texting."- you answer equally as quiet.
"Well, I said I wont give up on us. That wasn't a lie."- he says and you sigh, finally finding the courage to look at him. He waits for you to say something and you stare at him, his eyes still warm when they look at you. You hurt him too though, haven't you?
"Felix, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't really mean it. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you. I mean that's no excuse but we both did a really shitty thing. I feel so fucking guilty, sick to my stomach for hurting someone as wonderful as Hyunjin is."- your eyes water. "I think about it every day. I really hope he can heal and find someone better. And I... well I want to try giving us a chance if you still want me."- Felix's eyes widden.
"But I need to know that you feel guilty too. I need to know that you know what we did was wrong."- you add, wiping away tears that slowly made their way down your cheeks.
"Ofcourse I feel guilty, y/n. I'm not some kind of monster. Hyunjin is- was one of my closest friends. I broke his heart too, I betrayed him too. And I do think about it. But, I can't help also thinking about you every day. I still want you, I want to be there for you. I want to be yours."
Your heart speeds up when you hear those words and you wordlessly lean in, closing the gap between you and Felix. His lips are soft against yours and only when he reciprocates the kiss, you realize you missed him.
"Wait a sec."- Felix gently grabs your wrists, leaning away from you.
"What is it?"- you ask as you notice his lips trembling.
"I don't want this to be just fucking to you. I don't want to be a rebound. I want to have a real chance of a relationship with you, like we're starting from the beginning."- Felix's eyes are big as he scans your face.
Your chest tightens.
"I... Okay."- you nod. "But I need you now. I missed you."- you confess and it's exactly what Felix wants to hear.
"I missed you too. I thought I'd never see you again."- his hands cup your face as he talks between kisses. "I need you too."- he adds and kisses you more passionately as you tangle your hands in his hair.
Something in your gut feels wrong, something nagging at you in the back of your mind but still you let Felix take you to his bedroom. It looks exactly how you remember it and everything smells like him. He kisses you, his tongue exploring your mouth, his hands holding your hips tightly.
You're drunk on the taste of him, it's all so familiar, so comforting that you lose your mind to his touch.
You grip his waist and turn him around, pushing him down to sit on the bed.
"Y/n..."- Felix lets out a shaky breath as you place your palms on his thighs, spreading his legs apart before you slowly kneel down in between them.
"Fuck..."- he whines as your hand comes in contact with his hard, clothed member. You grip him and move your hand on him, feeling him grow under your touch.
You don't want to waste too much time so you hook your fingers in his sweatpants and slide them down with his boxers and Felix whines as soon as the cold air hits his leaking cock.
You lean in and lick at his tip gathering the precum, swirling your tongue around until you take him in your mouth and suck gently. Felix grips at the bed, the sight of you on your knees, pleasing him like that makes his heart beat fast.
Drunk on the feeling of his cock heavy on your tongue you keep taking more and more of him in, swallowing and humming around him, driving him crazy with desire.
His hands tangle in your hair and he grabs a fistful of it, pushing his hips up and accidentally making you gag around him.
"Ah, shit!"- he whines as his cock twitches inside your mouth.
You bob your head faster and moans keep spilling from his lips as you bring him closer to the edge.
"Stop, stop, don't make me cum yet!"- Felix whines and you lift off of him, licking your lips and looking up at him through your eyelashes.
"Let me taste you too, sweetheart."- he says, his voice deeper than usually and his pupils blown, the nickname he always uses for you making your pussy throb.
Pretty soon, you're naked with him between your legs, his tongue lapping at you hungrily like he was deprived of actual food for months.
His fingers work to open you up as he sucks on your clit, tongue darting out to tease your wetness.
"Missed your taste."- his voice is muffled as he speaks into you, his eyes closed in pure bliss as he keeps eating you out.
"Lix!"- you whimper as your hips spasm towards his face, his fingers finding that gummy spot inside you. "Ah, don't stop."- you say and he speeds up, making your legs shake and your heart race as he keeps hitting that sweet spot, his tongue lapping at your clit.
Pleasure washes over you and you explode, squirting all over his face and the bed.
"Shit, sorry!"- you gasp and Felix chuckles.
"Don't apologize, that was really hot."- he smirks, fingers caressing your wet folds. "I guess this pussy really missed me."
"It did."- you whisper breathlessly, as he leans in again and gives you a few kitten licks.
"I missed her too."
"Felix"- you tug at his hair and try to lift him up. He looks up at you and smirks, his thumb on your clit.
"Want something?"- he asks.
"Don't tease me now. You know what I want."- you whine.
"Say it, sweetheart."- he says, his deep voice sending vibrations through you.
"I want your cock, please."- you give in immediately and Felix smirks triumphantly as he slides his hands up to cup your breasts, hovering over you. One of his hands grabs his neglected cock that's screaming for any kind of attention and he gives it a few pumps, the tip caressing your wet cunt.
You grip at his arm, nails digging into his skin as he pushes in, your pussy molding around the shape of him, the familiar stretch.
Felix loses himself as soon as he feels your warm, wet walls clenching around him and he fucks you with vigor.
"Oh my god!"- you whimper, holding onto him for dear life.
"Fuck, I missed you so much."- Felix whimpers, face buried in your neck as he keeps shoving his cock inside you, waves of pleasure making you feel like you're floating on air.
"More, more, more..."- you keep chanting.
"I love you, I love you, y/n."- he says desperately holding onto your hips, but you only moan in response as you spasm, your juices spilling all over his cock.
"Felix!"- you moan his name as he keeps fucking you, hips snapping into you strongly.
"I'm close. Can I cum inside? Please, let me cum inside."- he begs repeatedly and you've never seen him this desperate.
A brief thought of a rule runs through your mind, one that the two of you have already broken before. The one where you told Felix that he can't come inside you, only Hyunjin can, and your mind races, a pang of guilt hitting you again.
"Please, y/n, I can't hold it much longer."- Felix ruts into you sloppily.
"Okay, you can cum inside me."- you whisper, nails digging into his back as he growls lowly, hips picking up speed again.
Between his low grunts and the whispered 'I love you's', his hips stutter as he finishes, his hot cum filling you up and making you feel incredibly wet.
"You didn't say it back."- Felix whispers as he pulls out and lays next to you, facing you so you face him too.
"I'm sorry."- you whisper, tears threatening to spill.
"I'll wait for you."- he says.
"Okay."- you say as his hand gently caresses your cheek.
-
Felix promises he'll work on himself and on your relationship. You promise you'll work on yourself too and give this a real chance.
And you really try but deep down you know you don't love Felix the way you loved Hyunjin which makes you even more confused at why you even started the affair, and how you ended up sharing pancakes on a date with him instead of celebrating four years with Hyunjin.
Felix looks happy, the happiest you've seen him and you can't even count how many fake smiles you fed him. It's wrong and it makes you feel like an even worse person than before.
The box of stuff Hyunjin returned to you is buried deep inside your closet, still unopened and untouched. It's been a few months and you still can't make yourself sift through it or even just throw it away.
Whenever you're at home, you want to run away because your apartment still reminds you of Hyunjin, and you still can't let Felix in and you definitely don't want him in the bed you and Hyunjin shared. So you go to Felix's place but whenever you're there, he's there and he doesn't want to leave you alone for a moment, and his apartment just reminds you of the many times you ran into his arms behind your boyfriend's back.
Felix is too excited, too happy and you know he's not stupid, you're pretty sure he can feel that you don't love him the way he loves you, he's just trying to ignore it.
Maybe it's best if you actually start fresh, away from everything and everyone that remind you of the biggest mistake you've made in your life.
-
"Lix, can we talk?"- you start one afternoon, as you hang out in his apartment.
"Yeah, what's up?"- he asks, his attention on you.
Oh, boy. Even though Felix wasn't a saint, he didn't deserve to have his heart broken but the more you thought about it, the more you came to the conclusion that it would be best if the two of you went your own separate ways.
"This isn't something I'm doing just like that, it's something I thought over and over about and I'm doing this with a heavy heart- but I think we should separate. And for real this time. I mean actually never talk again."- Felix's face morphs from sadness to annoyance as he listens to you.
"Why would you say something like that? I thought we were making progress. I thought you-"
"Felix, please, just listen for a sec. I'm sorry but I don't love you like you love me. I care for you but that's as far as my feelings go."- you say and he looks at you like a kicked puppy. "I don't want to keep lying to you because I feel like I'm doing that constantly. I can't move on from what we did to Hyunjin, I can't heal or become a better person. Neither can you, because this isn't healthy. Our relationship was never healthy. And I think both of us are just keeping each other stuck and lying to ourselves thinking that this could work when it started out as betrayal to someone who cared about both of us. We can't build a healthy relationship on that. I said I'd give it a chance and I did but I can't do this anymore. Not to myself and not to you. I want you to also be happy and find someone who will love you properly."- by the time you finish talking, both of you are crying.
"I don't know what to say, y/n. It just hurts a lot to hear that you don't feel the same for me because I've been loving you for years. I know that I made the first move and I was wrong for that. I was wrong to come between you and Hyunjin. B-but I thought if he had a chance to start over, maybe you'd grow to love me. Obviously, I can't force you to."- he sniffles so you grab his hand.
"It's really over now, huh?"- he asks, squeezing your hand.
"I'm really sorry Felix. For everything."
"Me too."- he nods. "P-please just let me kiss you and hold you one last time."- he whispers.
"Okay."- you whisper back and Felix presses his lips on yours, the taste of salty tears making your heart ache. He puts his arms around you and holds you tightly. You hold him too, while you both cry. But it's better this way. It's better to start completely fresh, for all three of you.
"I'll always love you."- he whispers.
"I know you will."- you whisper back and Felix smiles sadly.
He watches as you walk away from the window, lips trembling, still not completely aware that that is the last time he'll ever see you.
-
You're sitting on your floor crosslegged, the box Hyunjin returned in front of you.
You think it's time to finally open it.
You slowly lift up the lid and look into it.
It's like a time capsule of your moments together. There are three sketchbooks inside, filled with sketches of you. You smiling, cooking, sleeping, existing. Just you through Hyunjin's eyes. Cologne you bought him that makes you tear up because it brings up memories of his scent that he always left on your sheets and your skin. Shared jewelry he always got for the two of you so you could be matching. Couple rings you wore that made you remember all your friends teasing you that you got engaged within 3 months of dating. Your favorite t-shirt of his, the one he gave you to wear the first night you made love. Since then it became yours and Hyunjin loved seeing you in it, nothing else just the shirt and your pretty legs. There were tickets to art exhibitions you went to together, where Hyunjin would pull out his camera and take pictures of you and the pretty paintings surrounding you. Tickets to concerts you attended together, where you would dance like crazy and have fun like you had no worries on your mind. At the very bottom there were some photos. Photos of you, Hyunjin and Felix when the three of you first became friends. The smiles you had in the photos, pure happiness to be in each other's company, innocent and unaware of what the future holds.
You start crying as you put everything back in the box fast. You don't know how long you lay on your floor crying and hoping that this was all a bad dream and the three of you were still friends and your feelings weren't complicated and you didn't fuck everything up and no one's heart was broken.
But, sadly your reality slaps you in the face. The reality where you ruined your relationship and your friendship. The reality where you betrayed someone who loved you selflessly. The reality where you gave false hope to someone who cared about you. The reality where in the process of breaking hearts, you broke your own heart too. You hope one day you'll be able to pick up the pieces.
Today is not that day.
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