#don't @ my choices. these are the first bands that came to my mind

[dancingbirdie]

Behold my labor of love: Astarion SMUT.

This idea came to me after writing my last fic Something Imagined / Something Real. I wanted to backtrack and reimagine Astarion and Tav's first night together after the tiefling party.

If smut is not your thing, no worries! You can scroll down to the first set of asterisks (***) to avoid reading those parts. You don't miss much at all plot-wise.

This is my first time ever writing smut. Please be kind. And I hope you enjoy!

EDIT: This is a flashback fic! Part 2 is Something Imagined / Something Real. And subsequent vignettes to come!

I Want It To Be You

Rating: Mature/NSFW

Pairing: Astarion x f!Tav

Word Count: 5.2K

Warnings: Detailed description of consensual sex, Tav's first time having sex, descriptions and references to Astarion's trauma/trauma responses, description of panic attack/anxiety, minor Act 1 and Act 2 spoilers, FLUFF, angst

“Are you absolutely certain about this? About… me?” 

If she weren’t already lying naked in his arms, she would have shed her clothes for him for that response alone. He wasn’t treating her like some oddity. And he was honoring her decision. It was more than anything Tav had dared hope for. 

Her eyes welled with tears that threatened to fall. She laughed, suddenly elated, before nodding her head vigorously. 

“I’m sure, Astarion,” she confirmed. “I want this to be with you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TWO WEEKS AGO

THE NIGHT OF THE TIEFLING PARTY

Let’s wait until things quiet down. Once the others are asleep, we’ll find each other. 

Astarion’s parting words replayed over and over again in her head as she padded quietly through the woods, away from the campsite. From the comfort and familiarity of the party. They hadn’t agreed on a meeting place, but Tav assumed his heightened senses would locate her soon enough. She was grateful for the extra moments to herself. Her stomach was knotted from nerves and anticipation for what the night might bring. 

She hadn’t told him that she was a virgin. He probably deserved to know, she realized that, but she hadn’t wanted him to change his mind just because he’d be taking something no one else had before. It was her choice, her body to give, she reasoned to herself. Whether for the first time or the hundredth time, it shouldn’t matter. Right?

Her past experiences certainly influenced her reticence. Divulging that particular information about herself had resulted in people immediately halting romantic pursuits with her, or leering at her like she was some sort of top-shelf prize they were about to take home. She didn’t want to know if, or where, Astarion might land on that spectrum. Didn’t think her heart could take either reaction from him. Besides, she’d read enough of those dirty romance tomes and scrolls throughout her life (for educational purposes, of course, she justified to herself) to have a general understanding of what happens during sex. Surely she could bluff her way through this. Right?

She wanted to please him. Wanted him to want her as much as she wanted him. It was no secret that Astarion had quickly become her favorite companion in this unlikely band of heroes she was traveling with. He was absolutely gorgeous, of course, but the longer she lingered around him, the less that seemed to matter. He was funny, in a devilish sort of way. Intelligent and cunning. Perceptive. And, while it was obvious that it unsettled the rest of the group, she genuinely appreciated how he prioritized his own self before bending over backwards to help someone else. Secretly, she wished she could emulate that a bit more in her own life, but years and years of people pleasing to win what scraps of affection she could was a hard habit to break. 

Clearly she was no closer to doing so, as there she stood. In the middle of a forest. Preparing for a midnight tryst with a person she had just met but grown to genuinely care for. And she wasn’t even sure that he would, or wanted to, return her sentiments. 

“There you are. I’ve been waiting.”

Astarion’s voice broke the mundane quiet of the forest that had lulled her into such ruminations. She turned toward the direction she had heard him speak and marveled at the sight of him slipping gracefully between the trees, moving ever slowly toward her. 

He had removed his shirt and was clad only in his leather breeches and boots. His alabaster skin practically glowed in the silvery light of the moon. He was the most beautiful person Tav thought she had ever laid eyes on, and it wasn’t only because she could now see the taut, sinewy muscles of his abdomen. He was perfectly fit in an elegant sort of way. Not like Halsin, with large bulging biceps, thick torso and sturdy legs. No, Astarion was like a leopard. Lithe, agile, regal even. And his face. Gods, the poets and painters could opine for centuries on his beautiful face without ever growing weary. 

“Is that so?” Tav called out in reply, walking to close the distance between them. By her estimate, she sounded much braver than she felt. Good. 

Astarion nodded, raising one hand to cup her cheek. “Waiting since the moment I set eyes on you. Waiting to have you,” he finished, the pad of his thumb grazing sensually across her lower lip. 

“You don’t have me yet,” she whispered teasingly, although both of them were clearly aware of how she had shivered when he touched her. How her head bowed into his touch, like a lovesick little thing. 

“Don’t I?” he smirked. “You’re here. And I don’t think you want to talk.” He stepped closer, completely absolving them both of any personal space. His free hand came to rest along the curve of her waist. 

“I think you want to be known. To be tasted.” He purred, lowering his head so that his lips ghosted the shell of her ear while he spoke.

Tav was thankful for the steadiness of his hands on her. His insinuations alone were quickly rendering her a quaking mess. But she didn’t want to be a selfish lover, and so she collected herself enough to pose a question in return.

“What do you want, Astarion?” she asked, bringing a hand to rest softly against his chest, over his heart.

She noted the way his brows drew down briefly, seeming almost confused by her question. But as quick as it came, the expression vanished, replaced by something much more confident. More assertive.

“What do any of us want?” he breathed. “Pleasure. Yours. Mine. Our collective ecstasy.”

Gently, so very gently, he began to trail hot, open-mouth kisses down the column of her neck. Tav’s breath caught audibly in her throat, and Astarion hummed in approval at her response.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it?,” he murmured into the crook of her neck. “To lose yourself in me?”

It was fast becoming difficult for her to string two thoughts together. Astarion touching her like this sent shockwaves throughout her body. That curious heat she’d only known from touching herself began to kindle low in her belly. She clenched her thighs together subconsciously, trying to sate that feeling the fire was stirring up inside her. Astarion noticed her squirming, to his immense satisfaction.

“Well?” he coaxed in between kisses across her collarbone. His prompting reminded Tav that she had yet to answer his question, so lost was she in the feeling of his cool lips against her rapidly warming skin.

“I want to be with you. Share this night with you,” she answered honestly, unable to spare enough brain capacity to consider whether or not it was a good idea to be so forthcoming. 

“Such a charitable little thing,” he chuckled. “How could I deny you?”

And then his mouth captured hers. It was a searing, passionate kiss. A kiss that promised so much more pleasure to come. One that Tav had never known before, despite having partaken in her fair share of kisses over the years. But this kiss? This was the kiss of time-fated lovers. And Tav was desperate to match Astarion’s pace, desperate to feel more, more, more.

She moaned as he ran his tongue lightly against the seam of her lips, granting him entry to fully sweep in and plunder her mouth proper. Her fingers carded through his silvery blonde curls, nails scraping lightly against his scalp. He groaned in response, the sound vibrating in her mouth. 

She finally was forced to break their kiss after a few moments, hungrily gulping in air to alleviate her starving lungs. Astarion moved to ravage her neck once more, licking and sucking the soft delicate skin there. He gripped her ass possessively as he did so, walking her backwards until he was pressing her into the nearest tree.  

He lifted a knee to knock her legs apart before raising it higher to press into the juncture of her thighs. He delighted at how Tav immediately parted her legs for him, how she moaned from the pressure, how she subconsciously began grinding against him. 

“Look at you, you naughty thing” he crooned in her ear. “Riding my leg for some relief?”

Primal behavior called out, a scarlet blush immediately bloomed on Tav’s neck and cheeks. It only goaded Astarion further. 

“Go on then, darling. Rut against me. But I’m getting these lovely tits free first,” he whispered.  

He began undoing the laces on the front of her corset. Tav watched his progress, entranced by the gracefulness of his long, slender fingers. She was nearly trembling with anticipation. Once finished, she helped him extract her from the offending garment and allowed him to lift her chemise up, over her head, so that she was fully bare from the waist up. The cool night air turned her skin to gooseflesh, her nipples hardening.  

The sensation roused her lust-addled brain enough to realize just how vulnerable she was, standing there half-naked before him. She’d never been so exposed to another person before. Her fingers fluttered as she fought the sudden bout of nerves that insisted she cover her breasts from view. 

“Don’t you dare,” Astarion growled, plainly reading the self-conscious expression on her face. “I’ve been dying to see these for days now,” he continued, cupping one full breast and flicking her nipple lightly with his thumb. 

It sent a pulse thrumming directly to her core, and Tav moaned openly at the sensation. She could feel her simple linen breeches were completely drenched, was certain she was also dampening Astarion’s leg as she continued to grind against him.

Astarion chuckled, clearly pleased by her reaction. 

“So responsive,” he whispered before lowering his mouth to latch onto her breast. He sucked lightly, while his hand continued its assault on the other. She fisted his hair in one hand, kissing the top of his head lovingly while he worked her into a frenzy.

Tav felt like she was quickly losing any ability to maintain balance. Her body was aching, whining, for more. She wanted to be laid out on the ground, wanted him to press her into the soft earth, taking everything. 

“Astarion, please,” she panted, pulling at his curls. He groaned in response, releasing her nipple from his mouth. 

“Please what, pet?” he teased, kissing and licking up her sternum. 

“I need… more,” she whined, bucking against his leg. 

He huffed a laugh before sweeping her up in one smooth motion and lowering her to the soft grass beneath their feet. 

He began to loosen the fastenings of her breeches with a practiced ease. Tav watched, breathless, as he slid the fabric down her thighs, his mouth following with indolent, open-mouthed kisses. Each touch of his lips on her heated skin left her skin tingling, her hips canting slightly into the open air.

Finally bare before him, she watched as Astarion surveyed her from where she lay beneath him. In nearly all respects, he looked primed and ready to ravage her. His nostrils flared, detecting the heady scent of her arousal. His chest rose and fell with shallow, ragged breaths. For the first time, she took note of the considerable erection straining against the leathers he still wore. 

After a moment, he came down to lie beside her, pulling her onto her side so that her chest was pressed flush against his. He trailed a hand down her side, over the rise and fall of her curves, until he reached her thigh. He hiked her leg onto his hip.

But something was off. Amid her clouded thoughts, Tav thought she could sense it, even if she couldn’t precisely put a finger on it. Perhaps it was the look in his eyes? Or the perfect nature of his behavior? He seemed almost too practiced, too formulaic. Like an actor who’s rehearsed their lines to the point that the words have lost their meaning. He was there with her, but somehow he wasn’t, at the same time. 

“Are you all right?” Tav asked in a hushed voice, lifting a hand to cup his neck. She rubbed soothing circles with her thumb across his jawline.

“I’m more than all right, darling,” he replied with a smirk, squeezing her ass lightly.

 “You seem like… you’re not wholly present,” she explained.

“It’s difficult to decide what I’d like to do to you first,” he reasoned, sidestepping her unspoken question. “I’m torn between tasting you with my tongue, or fucking you with my fingers,” he smirked. 

Before she could respond, his fingers took an experimental swipe between her folds. She gasped at the feeling, her hips bucking against him. She watched, speechless, as he lifted that hand to suck the wetness from his fingers. Her wetness. In his mouth. 

He groaned in approval. “Mmm. You’re pure sweetness, darling.” 

All thoughts eddied from her mind. A singular, primal focus took over, and she suddenly clutched at Astarion’s neck with newfound ferocity. 

He seemed to know exactly how his behavior had affected her, if his impish grin was anything to go by. He lowered his hand to swipe against her once again, his fingers stopping to circle that sensitive bud at the apex of her thighs. Tav jerked in response, but Astarion had been prepared for it. He used his other arm to brace against her back, locking her in place against him. 

As she writhed against his hand, he repositioned himself to insert a finger inside her. She was deliciously warm and soaking wet. Soft, like velvet. His thumb continued to circle her clit, eliciting a long, low moan from Tav. Embarrassed, she attempted to muffle her voice by ducking her face into his chest. 

He chuckled again. “That’s it, sweet one. Let me hear you,” he goaded her. Her moans pitched higher in response. 

After a few moments of pistoning in and out of her, he inserted a second finger. But despite how drenched she was, he met considerable resistance, to his surprise. He stilled his fingers in response, uncertain. 

It took a moment for Tav to register that Astarion had stopped moving inside her. Caught somewhere between discomfort and satisfaction, the increased sense of fullness his two fingers brought was strange but not altogether unwelcome. She exhaled, but it came out as more of a hiss than a sigh. After a moment of stillness, she raised her head to look at him.

“What is it?” she questioned..

“You’ve never done this before, have you?” Astarion murmured. 

Tav flushed. He’d realized, despite her best efforts to cover up that truth. Absently, she wondered what had given her away. 

She said nothing at first, just studied him. He didn’t seem angry. But then again, she had quickly learned that Astarion was very skilled at masking his true feelings. 

“No. I haven’t,” she admitted.  

At her reply, he gently removed his fingers from inside her. He moved his hand to clutch her hip instead. 

She sighed, rolling onto her back, gazing up at the stars. “Is that going to be a problem for you?” 

Silence. It felt deafening in her ears. But then –  

“I’m a bad choice, darling,” he replied, his thumb rubbing absentmindedly over her hip bone. She failed to see the sad smile that graced his mouth. “A terrible choice, really. For your first time.”

“It’s my decision,” she retorted, lolling her head to the side so she could look him straight in the eyes. “I want it to be you, Astarion. But if this is going to be a… problem for you, or become some ordeal where you feel guilty or weirdly triumphant, then we can just–” 

“It’s not a problem for me. It’s your decision,” he affirmed softly, interrupting the beginning of her tirade. Some unknown emotion flitted across his features. He schooled his expression before she could really identify it.

“But I have to ask,” he continued, studying her seriously. “Are you absolutely certain about this? About… me?” 

If she weren’t already lying naked in his arms, she would have shed her clothes for him for that response alone. He wasn’t treating her like some oddity. And he was honoring her decision. It was more than anything Tav had dared hope for. 

Her eyes welled with tears that threatened to fall. She laughed, suddenly elated, before nodding her head vigorously. 

“I’m sure, Astarion,” she confirmed. “I want this to be with you.”

His eyes softened, obviously touched by her response. It was the first time tonight, she realized, that he had appeared vulnerable to her. He was staring at her as though he were seeing her for the first time. Like he couldn’t believe that the woman between his arms was real. 

Without another word, he captured her mouth in a passionate kiss. His tongue swept in her mouth at the same time he inserted his fingers again, tasting her gasp of pleasure. His thumb began circling her clit once more, and Tav was powerless to silence her moans.

“Good. So good, sweet girl,” he whispered in her ear after a few moments. “You’re so close.”

She let loose a whine, squeezing her eyes shut as she chased that ever-nearing precipice inside her. Astarion’s voice in her ear only pushed her that much closer.

“That’s it. Come for me,” he urged, and she felt her orgasm rip through her at his words. Stars collided behind her eyes as she tumbled from that cliff of pleasure, Astarion holding her and whispering soft praises as she floated back down to earth. 

Eventually her eyes fluttered open to see Astarion smiling openly at her. She felt her lips stretch up to return his grin.  

“That was… incredible,” she breathed. 

He huffed a soft laugh. “I’m not nearly finished with you. Unless you’d like to sto–”

“No,” Tav blurted, a little too loudly, interrupting him. “No. I want more. Please. Show me.”

“Of course, darling” Astarion promised, planting a soft kiss on her forehead. He gently released her and stood, beginning to remove his own clothing. Tav watched him brazenly, drinking in the sight of him. 

She moaned softly as he removed his breeches, his impressive length springing free. He remained still, allowing her to take in the sight of him fully naked before her. Curious, she sat up and lifted a hand to wrap around him. She marveled at the way he felt. Like velvet-wrapped steel. She gave a tentative stroke, thrilling as he groaned in response. She stroked him again, harder, intent on learning how to give him as much pleasure as he’d already given her. 

But he stayed her wrist with a gentle touch of his hand. She paused, looking up at him, confused. 

“As exquisite as teaching you how to stroke me would be,” he explained in a sultry voice, “I’m much more interested in teaching you something else tonight.”

Tav nodded mutely, lying back once more. She opened her legs for him to return to her. Astarion smiled, lowering himself on top of her. He braced his forearms on either side of her head, one hand absently combing through her hair. His hips fit perfectly in the cradle of her thighs, and she moaned as she felt him gently nudge against her entrance. 

“This is going to hurt at first,” he explained in a hushed whisper. She nodded, her breathing a bit uneven in anticipation of what would come next. 

“But then it will stop. You’ll stretch around me. And then it will feel good,” he continued. 

She nodded again, trying to remain focused on his words. But the primal part of her mind was warring against her. And it was winning. She subconsciously bucked her hips into him, marveling as she felt him slip between her folds just slightly. He hissed at the sensation, clenching his jaw.  

“Greedy little thing,” he chastised teasingly. “All right, enough talking. But you will tell me if you need to stop, yes?” 

“Yes,” she breathed. “Yes, I promise.”

“Good girl,” he purred.

And then slowly, gently, he sheathed himself fully inside her with a groan. 

Tav gasped in response. It was unlike any feeling she had ever felt before. Astarion had been right; it was painful at first. A pinching sensation. A mind-bending feeling of fullness. But then, but then, the feeling was phenomenal. She felt her walls stretch to accommodate him, felt herself clench around him, accepting him in his entirety. 

Astarion’s head dropped to the crook of her neck. His whole body trembled, as if it was taking all his restraint to remain still so she could grow accustomed to him. 

She canted her hips into him a bit, testing the waters. He groaned again in response, and she released a breathy chuckle. 

He raised his head at the sound, peering down at her. “You little minx,” he breathed. “You have no idea what you’ve started.”

She thrilled at his words, crying out in ecstasy as he began to thrust in and out of her. The pace he set was addicting; the rhythm had her pushing her hips up to meet him, her legs locked around his back to pull him closer.

“You’re taking me so, so well, darling,” Astarion grunted, ratcheting up his pace. “You’re so tight. So. Perfectly. Fucking. Tight.” 

His words were a fuel to her flame. She cried out his name again and again as he continued to rut into her, reveling in the feeling of him claiming her completely and totally. She was lost to the sensations, adrift in the fullness of Astarion inside her. 

Finally, or perhaps all too soon, she felt his pace begin to grow more erratic. His hips lost their rhythmic pumping. His groans grew louder. Sensing his release was close, Tav clutched him tighter, digging her heels in his back to pull him closer, clenching around his length inside her. 

“Yes, yes, FUCK,” he barked all at once, and her eyes rolled back into her head as he slammed himself to the hilt inside of her one final time. She could feel his release spilling inside her. 

Lost for words, she simply held Astarion as he half-collapsed on top of her, one arm still braced on the ground beside her head. Listless, euphoric, and utterly at peace, Tav raised one arm to gently caress his back, listening to his erratic breaths slow. Distantly, she noted the raised, rough sensation of scars on his upper back, but she was too consumed by their mutual pleasure to give it a further thought. 

Eventually, Astarion slipped out of her. He lowered himself to lie down beside her, curling one arm around her waist. 

Tav closed her eyes and curled into his side, suddenly overcome with drowsiness. “Thank you, Astarion” she whispered faintly. 

“For what, my darling?” he crooned, tucking an errant curl behind her ear. 

“For making my first time so wonderful,” she replied. 

She was asleep before he could think of a sufficient response. 

***

The panic was a monstrous thing. Clawing at his chest, its vice-like grip squeezing his lungs until inhaling felt like breathing through a reed. He could barely think. Barely move. Barely registered the lovely woman still sleeping peacefully beside him. 

The part of his brain that wasn’t frozen in fear chastised himself for behaving this way. He had taken plenty of virgins before. In fact, he had sought them out specifically. They were a much easier prey. They became attached to him so quickly, attributed so much more meaning to their first bout of lovemaking than perhaps more… seasoned individuals. 

He should have been elated. She was obviously besotted with him. His plan to ensure her loyalty was moving forward without a hitch. So then why was he feeling so horrible?

He turned to observe Tav. So close to him and yet so far away. Swept into that blissful sleep that continued to elude him. He watched her chest rise and fall with deep, steady breaths. Watched her eyelids twitch as her mind made its way through some dream. She was so very vulnerable in this position. And so very trusting. Of him, of all people. 

Astarion didn’t like many people. But he had developed a fondness for Tav, despite the short period of time they had known one another. She treated him like a person, not a monster. Not like the others in their party. She seemed to accept him for who he was, cynicism and vanity and all. He couldn’t remember ever knowing someone as kind to him as she was. She was… incredible.

And then it struck him. He was developing… something… for her. Feelings? Affection? The sentiments were so foreign to him, he didn’t even know what to call it. 

But the realization caused panic to clutch him even tighter. No. He couldn’t feel this way. He wouldn’t. 

This thing with Tav was purely transactional. It had to be. There was no other viable option. She had needed to feel something with someone. He had needed to secure an ally. That was all.

That is all this is, he thought, quashing the weak sentimental part of his mind. 

And come morning, he resolved he would make certain that that was all this was for her as well.  

***

Tav woke to the sound of birds chirping, high in the trees above her. The early morning sunlight filtered in through the forest, dappling her skin and warming her in the places that it touched. Opening her eyes, she spied Astarion, already dressed and standing a few paces in front of her. 

His back was facing her, his face lifted toward the sun. She noted how he held his arms outstretched by his sides, palms facing up as though he were trying to collect all the sunlight pouring into their little grove. Despite his preternatural sense of hearing, he didn’t seem to be aware that she’d awoken, so lost was he in his enjoyment of the sun’s rays. 

Tav’s heart nearly swelled to bursting as she watched him. Before all of this, he hadn’t felt the sunlight on his skin in over 200 years. Now, he was reveling in it. His joy was such an innocent, pure thing. 

How many times had Tav taken the sun warming her skin for granted? Probably all of her life, she supposed. To see someone so appreciative of something so utterly mundane to her… well, it was a sobering reminder to acknowledge those little pleasures in life, especially the ones that seemed so constant to her. 

She also took the time to study the strange pattern of scars on his back. She had felt some of the rough ridges last night, as she clutched him closer while he spilled himself inside her. But she hadn’t realized just how intricate and intentional the markings were. The sight of them sparked a rage inside her. Whoever the monster was who’d done this to him, they deserved to pay a price worse than death. 

Someday soon, she swore she would ask him about those markings. But not today. Not right now. Not in the aftermath of spending such a wonderful night together. No, the only thing she wanted for them both today was to revel in post-coital bliss. 

Not wishing to startle him, Tav intentionally laid back to stretch out her blissfully sore muscles, rustling the grass and fallen leaves around her. She threw in a halfhearted yawn for good measure. Secretly, she hoped he would return to her, take her again in this quiet forest, beneath the warmth of the sun.

“You sleep light,” Astarion chuckled, half-turning to speak to her but not meeting her gaze. “I thought you’d be exhausted after last night.” 

Tav hesitated at his tone. It wasn’t cold per se, but he sounded much more guarded than he had been last night. Perhaps she was just being extra sensitive in light of what they had shared, she reasoned.

“Did you enjoy it?” she asked hesitantly. She watched his back, waiting for a reply. “It felt like… you weren’t truly there…” she added, after a beat of silence. 

“I was… holding back a little, it’s true,” he finally responded. “I didn’t want to lose control. Delicious as you were… I didn’t want to go too far.”

“Oh, I see,” Tav replied, a bit dismayed. “I’m sorry you felt that way.”

Astarion turned and gave her a trademark smirk. “Think nothing of it, darling. Now,” he intoned, clapping his hands together. “Shall we get on? We’ve wasted enough time already.”

The words were like a lance to her heart. 

“I… I didn’t consider it a waste,” she murmured, trying with some difficulty to hide her hurt. 

“I didn’t mean it that way,” Astarion huffed. “I just meant I’d like to break camp and get out of here before those tieflings drag us into another one of their messes.”

“Sure, of course,” Tav nodded, smiling up at him, though it came across as more of a grimace. Then she broke eye contact, bending over under the guise of collecting her discarded clothing. Really, she didn’t think she could look at him a moment longer without crying. 

“I still need to dress,” she said, attempting a casual sort of air. “You go ahead without me.”

She sensed rather than saw Astarion hesitate at her suggestion. 

“Are you sure? We’re a fair walk from camp. I can spare a few moments and wait.”

“Positive,” she replied with false cheer. “Go on ahead. The last thing either of us need is the party jeering at us if we’d return together.” 

“Fair point,” Astarion conceded. “All right. Then… I’ll see you, back at camp.” Then he was walking away, back toward the direction of their fellow party members.

Tav waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps before she let loose a quiet sob. She wasn’t exactly sure why she was crying. Maybe it was just the stress of everything that had finally overwhelmed her. Maybe it was how abysmally this morning had gone. She didn’t know how she’d expected the morning after a sexual tryst to go, but she certainly hadn’t imagined what had just taken place. She hadn’t expected Astarion to slip that aloof mask he wore so well immediately back on, not when it was still just the two of them here. 

Then again, she reasoned, perhaps there was a perfectly justifiable reason for his actions. They barely knew one another, after all. He didn’t owe her anything beyond general respect. They hadn’t made any promises or ties to one another. They had simply agreed on a night of pleasure. That night had passed on. She should move on as well. Right?

But she had hoped. Oh, she had hoped. That maybe last night could have been the start of something new for her. For both of them. She knew she was a dreamer at heart. But still, part of her couldn’t help but hope that some silver lining would come out of all of this mess. 

In any case, she knew she needed to pull herself together before reentering the camp. She would not let anyone see her cry, especially Astarion. So she remained standing in the grove for a few moments longer, collecting herself. 

She forced her mind to focus on anything, anything else. She counted the birds she saw flitting amongst the tree limbs. She watched leaves swirling in their light, airy dance toward the ground. And she said a silent prayer to whatever gods were out there and possibly listening. She prayed that everything would work out the way it was meant to be.

[loveephia]

HIS CUTE FIANCÉ | ushijima wakatoshi

content: (🦷) tooth-rotting fluff, a sprinkle of angst, cute scenes of you and ushijima, your schoolmates being slightly jealous of you both, reader comes from a rich family, kind of manhwa-esque.

⚠ warning/s: reader hurts herself on accident and while cooking.

note: i remember people wanting a little drabble on this when i posted my 200 followers special, so here you go! :D

"oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." was what ran through your mind when you watched ushijima wakatoshi officially sign the contract.

it was an arranged marriage. ushijima is knowingly the number two ace of japan, while your family owns a big sports company. this marriage would benefit ushijima in terms of popularity, while your family would benefit in more sales.

soon enough, this marriage would all be terminated once both sides are content with the outcome, so ushijima and his family agreed by contract. you were ecstatic, to say the least, having successfully hidden your small crush on the giant for ages now.

"it's a pleasure to be working with you, son." your father held out his hand to shake ushijima's.

somehow, during the next day at shiratorizawa, word got out of you two getting married soon, and it was all your schoolmates could talk about.

they all chattered about you both non-stop, saying how annoyingly perfect you are together. ushijima is this big, strong guy who has this intense passion for volleyball, yet he still happens to make time for you. while you're his doting and clumsy wife-to-be.

clumsy, you ask? well, one time, you tripped up the stairs because you were too busy admiring ushijima. you ended up with a medium-sized scar and several specks on your knee, but it all ended alright, since ushijima took nice care of it.

he led you to the infirmary, but unfortunately, the nurse was out on break, so ushijima took matters into his own hands. he first disinfected the minor wounds made before pouring a tiny bit of the antibiotics on a clean cotton ball. he then lightly padded it onto your scarred knee.

you apologized to ushijima for worrying him like this, but he brushed it off, telling you that it was nothing. "i don't mind taking care of you. it's the least that i could do while we're together."

the volleyball team was shocked from the news, to say the least. ushijima was surely handsome, but he can be a bit aloof, so it could drive some of the girls away. because of that, the team didn't expect that he'd be the first from them all to get married.

"so, how's married life treating ya, ushiwaka?" tendō joked, leaning an arm on his broad shoulder. "we're not married yet." ushijima stoicly replied.

"yet! he said yet!" your heart felt innocently happy at his choice of wording.

you were never too big on cooking, but to impress ushijima, you spent an entire week in shiratorizawa's hot and fiery kitchen, getting taught how to make the best hayashi rice by the school's cooking club.

"why'd you decide to do this, y/n? i mean.. you'd usually stay the farthest from the stove whenever we have home economic classes." a member asked curiously. you jumped at the sudden question, as if being caught red-handed. "oh! uhm.. i wanted to give ushi— i mean.. wakatoshi a bento to thank him for taking care of me this one time." your face went aflame at the memory of him patching up your knee with a cute band-aid.

you bashfully rubbed the back of your head, "but i don't think my current cooking skills will be enough to satisfy his taste buds."

"that's true, you're a terrible cook, y/n!" a friend walking by teased you while you tried to defend yourself, failing miserably in the process.

"anyway, that's why i came here. to get better." you said, determination in those eyes of yours. it moved the cooking club's members, and they adored your resoluteness. "okay, we'll help you!"

once you mastered the recipe, you added your own twist to be original and brought ushijima a bento. it was bundled up in a pastel wrapping cloth with a cute pattern on it. your classmates marveled at it, awaiting for the two of you to speak.

"what's this?" ushijima asked.

"it's.. hayashi rice. i made it. i hope you like it..!"

you left the classroom quickly to protect yourself from his reaction, which could only go both ways; good or bad. "i don't think my heart can take it if he dislikes my cooking.." you thought.

ushijima had already really liked the hayashi rice being served in the cafeteria, but since this was made by you, he supposes that he can take a bite or two.

and oh, did he love it.

it was similar to shiratorizawa's hayashi rice, but the flavor was more prominent, and the taste was much richer. i guess this is what happens when you have a bit of allowance left from your parents. aka the ingredients were pricey, and you had access to more spices since the shiratorizawa kitchen was a bit limited.

but not only that, he could tell that it was made with love (as if the heart-shaped rice wasn't obvious enough). ushijima had noticed your fingers being covered with small cuts earlier, probably from slicing the ingredients. it showed him that you really worked hard to make it.

he kindly asked if you could make another.

whenever you and ushijima are sitting next to each other in the cafeteria, you'd play with his large calloused hands for the fun of it. he doesn't mind, really. it's almost as if a kitten was massaging some bread on his palm. quite therapeutic if i do say so myself.

a bold move of ushijima that you'll never forget is the time he hugged you from behind for the first time. he was tired from practice and wanted to rest a bit, so he used you as his pillow. rest assured that he was feeling well-energized with you in his muscular arms.

you warmed up to ushijima and managed to earn yourself a soft spot in his heart. even ushijima's fellow volleyball members have noticed how relaxed he's been lately.

the day of termination has come, and both sides were more than happy with what they profited. ushijima had gotten more magazine gigs for the sports section, and your family had gained more than enough money to last them until the next generation.

you and ushijima were in your father's spacious office room with the contract laying despairingly on the table in front of you. your father, himself, was sitting on the opposing side of the both of you.

thinking of this all ending makes your heart heavy, but ushijima never did this for love, so i guess it's to be expected. being loved back is asking for too much, so the least you could do is respect his own feelings.

"i'm thankful for the past few months."

you reluctantly signed your signature on the left side of the contract and waited patiently for ushijima to pick up the pen and do the same.

but he never did.

with a sigh, ushijima speaks up, "is it possible to renew the contract? i don't think i'm satisfied yet."

your jaw drops, and you face your father, whose expression seems to be a playful one. "oho~ and what have you still not gotten out of this that isn't to your heart's content? a sports scholarship for college? or perhaps a partnership?" he lists.

"your daughter's real hand in marriage." ushijima states.

"huh?!" you face ushijima to see if this is just some kind of cruel joke being played on you, but ushijima wasn't one for funny punchlines. in fact, he was always very straightforward.

"that is if.. y/n is okay with it." and now, ushijima and your father are looking at you for your answer.

you nod shyly and look down at your own lap.

"very well then! i'll check this with my lawyer and my wife to see what we can do." your father walked out of the office room, leaving you with ushijima.

you play with the hem of your dress nervously, not knowing what to say. "i saw the way you hesitated to sign the contract earlier," ushijima started, and you turn to him, surprised by how on-point his assesment was, "so i thought that you'd be okay to continue being engaged."

"truthfully, i grew comfortable with your presence. and on days when you weren't beside me, i'd wonder where you were and how you were doing."

"there was never a day where you weren't on my mind." he admits.

now you were feeling dizzy from his words. "i- i see.."

"is that all you have to say to me?" ushijima asks, hopeful, as he leans close to you. "w- well..!"

you muster up your remaining courage and silently mumble, "..thank you for loving me, wakatoshi."

ushijima smiles gently at your verbal reply, it being exactly what he wanted to hear.

© lowercase intended | loveephia

[grimesgirlyxoxo]

You belong to me

Jealous negan x f!reader

Summary: From the moment you arrived to the sanctuary, Negan couldn't take his eyes of you, he wanted you all for himself but your shitty boyfriend was in his way.

Notes: age gap, season 7-8 negan, cursing, gore, no smutt for now probably in part if yall want, sorry for the grammar it sucks i know, English isn't first language.

P.S.: if you are a male or a genter neutral person comment if you want a story involving your pronouns. And also its my first fanfic :)

You and your boyfriend of five years were hunting for food in the middle of the forest. You hadn't eaten for a whole two days, just some nuts and water from the river. It was getting harder and harder for you, each day passing with a new challenge.

He was mad at you for no reason, like it was you, the reason the apocalypse started. You tried to comfort him as usual but he was getting colder than the last time you tried.

"Hey" you tried to grab his shoulder, you were walking behind him. Now you felt his grip around your wrist throwing out aggressively from his shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me." He said shouting at you, his eyes in the path. He was too ashamed to look at you.

"Why are you acting so weird? This isn't you anymore. When this damn apocalypse started you distant your self from me. You haven't touched me for months, you haven't kissed me , hugged me anything. Just tell me what's wrong?" Your both hands were crossed. You stopped waiting for an answer.

"You are the problem. You are bad luck. You are the reason my parents are dead. I should've saved them first and leaving you behind. But you wanted to be my priority." He got closer to you, his hands point at you like you were the problem for everything.

"I didn't say you shouldn't save them first, I knew how to defend my self and your car had plenty of space for all of us. You could've wait or something" you said, feeling proud of yourself.

After these words came out of your mouth he didn't talk to you, he didn't even look at you. He was too embarrassed or angry, who knows.

All of those where true. The day of the downfall, sirens were beeping like a crazy maniac dude. The dead infested Mike's(bf) childhood home, located in Virginia, the place we were staying for holidays.

Mike when he saw the dead bodies walking around, eating whatever they could find outside, every human, no matter skin, gender or how they look, he panicked. His mind blurry, he saw me in the end of the hallway and grabbed my hand to get quickly to the car. As we went downstairs we could hear his parents shouting in pain. Walkers bit them. They were everywhere in the house, he heard their screams but choose not to save them...

The sun was setting slowly, leaving behind a beautiful pink colour in the sky. You looked up, your mind wondering off, nostalgic memories spinning around. The family table filled with goodies after the church and the afternoon sitting around eating lunch, every Saturday day you and your girlfriends going to a shitty club ,your annoying boss and the moldy kitchen maybe not your job but you preferred spending your time there than finding somewhere to sleep.

One particular moment lived in your head forever, how you met him, every time he was mean to you you would remember the first time you saw him. It was love at first sight in a concert of your favourite, (your band choice), loud music was fading out in the moment, everything went slow surprisingly, feeling the lights on you and him, hopping he felt the same.

Your thoughts were so strong that your hearing faded, your eyes focused in the sky and your feet couldn't feel the ground, it felt walking in the clouds.

You lost your balance suddenly, falling in your butt, your back was in pain so is your leg but way worst. Your leg was trapped in a rusty bear trap. You shouted your boyfriend to help you out, trying to focus your eyes on him through your tears.

"Whya re you just standing there?! Help me!" You said loudly.

His gaze wasn't on you but behind you, you recognized a familiar sound, it was the dead. Since they rised from the ground, your peace was lost.

Some excuses were mumbled from his mouth, leaving you behind running. That's it... Your fate was accepted. Your life would disappear slowly each bite they took.

Closing your eyes and thinking your loved ones, if you would find some of them in the afterlife. Crying and whimpering from the pain, you heard several gun shots, a group of five men were behind you killing the dead.

"Someone help her! Take her to the sanctuary" a bald man said firing the gun.

Someone rushed removing the trap from your leg and carrying into his arms. You were in and out of consciousness. Battling with the urge to close your eyes but failing.

"Goodmorning sleepyhead" the first words you heard as soon you woke up. Your eyes slowly scanned the white, hospital looking room. Your head turning slowly to the man's voice.

You felt his mysterious aura. Something about this man attracted you. It grew an unusual interest on him. You wanted to know him better. Your eyes met his, you couldn't take your eyes off his, dark brown like wood, like the coffee you drank every morning at six to keep you at work.

All black outfit, but his leather jacket popped out more. Strange things about him. He was sitting in a chair, a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire was resting to his shoulder, you could see blood stains on it, damn.

"I- where am i?" You asked confused looking around

"Home" he said smiling, laying back to his chair spreading his legs a little.

"The... There was a man with me. What happened? Is he dead?" You asked suspiciously. You kinda hoped he died after what he did to you but some part of you want him alive.

"Is he your boyfriend? Husband? Brother?" Before he says more possibilities you cut him off and answer "boyfriend. of five years". His eyes looked down and later up raising his eyebrows slightly.

"And he hasn't put a ring on you yet?" He was suspicious

"He isn't ready.. he wasn't , I better say"

"Bullshit" he lets out a scoff while getting up. "Living here is simple. You work of me and i guarantee food and protection do you understand? We live here by the rules. You break one ,you have to be punished by me. Anything you make, anything you do , any move you do it belongs to me. You belong to me" he said pointing his finger at you. "Do you understand?"

You nodded in response, you looked down to your hands, he was demanding, he wanted everything, everything belonged to him even you, something you found ridiculous even you didn't claim to belong only to your boyfriend but the opposite, you claimed him.

"Good girl, I love when people listen to me" he said pointing lucille to your direction. "Get up, lets see, can you walk?" He asked putting down lucille.

"I don't thing so" you responded, your tone a little cold.

It felt like it had been ages since you moved your body. Slowly your body rested on a wooden table leaving the touch slowly and quietly. When you think you could walk with no problem, you lost your balance in result of falling in the wood floor.

A weird sensation was around your waist, it was his arm grabbing you and making sure you won't drop down. He was quite strong for his age leaving you a surprised look.

He pulled you back, still his hand there.

Without a warning, his face was closed to yours when you turned to look at him. Your lips almost touching. You noticed his eyes, making it hard to not look away. A smile curled up on his lips driving you crazy and nervous. He noticed you blushing growing ths smile on his lips.

"Do I make you nervous darling?" He said, his voice deeper than usual, melting your insides. Your legs too weak to respond to the ground, trembling. You were shaking, how did he do that. Every minute he looked more handsome and charming than the last glance.

*No no no I have a boyfriend that I love dearly and wouldn't look romantically another man*

"Fuck.." you let a sigh. "My leg still hurts"

"Rest for now. Untill then I will find something you will be useful at" he said putting you down to the bed and left slowly, gazing upon you one last time before closing the door.

From then on his obsession with you was born. His mind full of you , nothing else. Making it hard to focus on everything he does. He wanted you for himself. He had to get rid off your stupid boyfriend but how.

Author note: Hey sorry if this chapter was small but I wanted to see if people were interested more. Let me know guys!!!

[writethrough]

How about a comfort fic with Vessel/reader? Your choice on if Vessel comforts the reader or the reader comforts Vessel!

Just Like Rain

(Vessel x Gender Neutral Reader)

Synopsis: Your anxieties overtake you, and Vessel is there to guide you through them.

Warnings: Self-deprecation, thoughts of unworthiness and self-hatred, language, unintentionally cathartic for me

Word Count: 1557

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this, anon! I'm so excited for you to read my first Vessel fic!

A little housekeeping for those who have read through my Request Guidelines, and may be confused about me writing for a real person when it says I don't. That is still the case, but Vessel is a character when it comes down to it. So, I feel comfortable writing for him, especially in the way I've written him here.

Also—and I hope this goes without saying—I will not entertain theories and rumors about any of Sleep Token's identities.

Enjoy the music for what it is, as the band intended. And I truly hope you enjoy my interpretation of Vessel.

The burn felt good. The steam made you breathe heavier, but you didn’t want this to be easy. You wanted to feel every inhale—stand under the water until you were seared from within; until it felt like you were in your body and not a whisper away from being dragged into oblivion. 

You choked back a sob; still so fearful someone would hear you when you were the only one home. 

There was no reason for you to cry. 

So many people had it so much worse. 

But here you were, on the verge of panic because you didn’t feel like yourself. You didn’t even feel human. 

You wished you could put a name to it, but you couldn’t. 

What was wrong with you? 

Why did you have to feel like this? It came out of nowhere. Like you were struck by a fucking semi. 

You just wanted it to stop. You wanted to feel normal, to not have these sudden bouts of...of what? Melancholia? Sadness? Anger? No word seemed strong enough for it. 

All you wanted was to rip it out. 

Your tears fell harder. 

The water cooled. You turned the knob further. 

And then there were arms around you. 

You tensed, choking back your sobs and covering your mouth as if you could hide what he had already seen. 

Slowly, carefully, as if you would break, Vessel turned you to face him. 

Without a word, he cupped the back of your head and brought it into the crook of his neck. 

You refused to remove your hand. 

All it did was make your shoulders tremble. 

His fingers traced up and down your arm, more of a breeze than a touch. His other hand slid down to the back of your neck. The pressure of it spread through your body. 

Your hand dropped from your mouth and tentatively found its way to his chest. And as he inhaled, you let your hands travel to his back as you stepped closer. 

He held you there, head resting atop yours. 

It was only when you shivered that you realized he had turned you, blocking you from the piping hot spray. 

You sniffled, finally looking at him. 

He cupped your cheeks, brushing away the tear tracks, then pressed his forehead to yours. 

Let us go to our room, my love. 

His words passed into your mind. You nodded. 

He stopped the water, helped you out of the shower, and dried you both. 

He guided your limbs into your sleepwear and covered himself with loose black pants. He looked almost...human...like this. 

You couldn’t help thinking that he was more human than most everyone out there. 

---

Your day started out fine. 

You woke from a wonderful dream—one Vessel had created. A peaceful afternoon beneath a willow tree, snuggled into his side, his fingers trailing along your forearm, down to your fingertips. 

He had tilted your face toward his, kissing your forehead. You had closed your eyes, and when you opened them, you were in bed, his lips still pressed to your skin. 

You got ready for work, Vessel watching as you moved through your room to the bathroom and back. He enjoyed observing you. The personal rituals you did for different occasions, different times of day. Perhaps the one he enjoyed the most was when you asked for his opinion when your ensemble was complete. 

He’d stand from his perch on the foot of your bed and step toward you as if in a trance. 

“You are breathtaking, my love.” He always spoke it. He wanted you to hear the power in the words—the power you held over him. 

You left, and Vessel would gather with the others. You’d ask him about his day, but admittedly, you were still confused about everything they could do—everything they were charged with doing. 

Maybe that was where is started.

You didn't understand. Could never understand.

And a chasm opened.

You were so fucking stupid.

You deserved to feel like this.

Insignificant.

Unneeded.

Unwanted.

Everyone was better off without you.

He’d be happier without you. 

All these fucking noises.

Why was everything so goddamn loud.

Dogs barking. Cars honking. That fucking clock that wouldn’t shut the fuck up! 

It all made you so angry. Why were you so angry? 

You had to make it stop. 

That’s how you ended up in the shower. At least there you could control the noise. You could feel it mark you. Let the heat punish you. 

A hand on your back pulled you back to reality. 

Let me see you, darling. 

You didn’t move, wished you didn’t need to breathe.  

He didn’t deserve this. He needed someone as extraordinary as him, someone who could understand. You could barely wrap your mind around how vast he was; he was everything, and you were—

“You are my heart.” 

A sob escaped. You had forgotten. Too consumed in your own thoughts that you forgot to keep them from him, to stop projecting them. 

He whispered your name, and all you heard was his heartbreak. 

You refused to look at him, covering your mouth to keep your cries back. 

“Please,” he urged. “Please believe me. You are the most precious to me. Do not think of yourself with such loathing.” 

His hand rested on your side, a silent plea to face him. When you didn’t, he forced you to. He never did that—used his strength against you—but this was an exception. 

“I am the one who does not deserve you. My existence is burdensome to you...but I am too selfish. I cannot lose you. I will not leave you willingly. I...I will stay by your side...until you demand otherwise.” 

It pained him to imagine it. He was so bad at hiding his emotions. And yet, it was what you needed. That break in his voice parted your darkness. The thought of him ever not being here scared you.

“I don’t—” You hiccupped. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

“Darling,” he breathed, sympathy and relief in that one word. “Come here.” 

You wrapped your arms around his waist while his settled over your shoulders. 

“My place is by your side,” he said. “Thank you for allowing me here.” 

Squeezing, you nuzzled your face into his neck. The edges of his mask-like features settled you into reality. He was here and so were you, and you were together. 

You sniffled; throat too thick to speak. 

I love you. 

His mouth pressed into your crown. 

You are the one I cherish most. 

At the end of your exhale, relaxation enveloped you—a heaviness only he could instill. 

You didn’t want to talk. You didn’t need to. You just needed this day to be over. 

Sleep, my beloved. And awake anew. 

--- 

You didn’t dream that night, and you were grateful. It was the kind of emptiness you needed. 

When you opened your eyes, you were facing Vessel. Your fingers were touching, bodies apart but connected, always. 

Sometimes it was difficult to tell if he was awake. Even facing one another, the spaces where his eyes should be neither opened nor closed. His breathing was what gave him away. But not this morning. Today, it was the way his pinky finger wrapped around yours. 

Dearest one. 

It moved through your mind like a gentle breeze, and it sounded like “good morning.” 

He seemed to move before you did, anticipating you shifting closer, so his arm wrapped around you and his hand caressed the back of your head. 

You are rested? 

You hummed. He always asked when you both knew he didn’t need to. His insecurities needed the reassurance that he had helped you.

Yes. Thank you. 

You punctuated it by gliding your lips along his throat and placing a kiss above his Adam’s apple. 

The purr that erupted pulled the corner of your mouth up. He was always responsive in the mornings, less guarded before the walls of your bubble faded. 

What are you feeling? 

Not “how,” but “what.”  

Inhaling, you took stock of yourself. You recalled your pain from yesterday, but that already felt so long ago. Like your mind was trying to protect itself after what it put you through.

All you really felt was him. 

Safe. 

His head tilted downward so your foreheads touched. 

That pleases me. 

You rubbed your nose with his. Content to simply feel him. 

The others and I have decided I shall remain with you today. 

It had taken you a while to get used to the connection him and the rest shared. Honestly, you were a bit jealous. After all, how convenient it was to cancel plans just by thinking about it. He probably did it in the seconds before you woke up. 

So, what should we do? 

Anything that will make you happy. 

That sincerity always made you pause and scrutinize him. How could anyone truly mean that? 

Yet somehow, he did. Every time. 

And if I said this? 

You traced curves and swirls onto his back, reveling in the strength you felt within. Sometimes you swore his power was tangible. 

“Then I shall continue to warm your bed.” 

Your flush was instantaneous, and you knew he could feel it against his neck. But before you could stutter a reply, your stomach growled. 

“Perhaps breakfast first?” he asked. 

You nodded. “Definitely.” 

Taglist: @steph-speaks because one of my only points of pride is introducing you to ST.

Comment or message me if you wanna be tagged in future Vessel fics!

[kiestrokes]

hard hours for your idols of picking- their touch starved and lose their minds when reader starts foreplay

Touch Starved | NSFW

Idol Casting: Jung Wooyoung of ATEEZ. Kim Mingyu of SVT. Lee Minhyuck of BTOB. Rating: NSFW. Mature (18+) Minors DNI. Genre: hard hours, headcanon, imagine, smut. Warnings: cursing?

Sexually Explicit Content: overstimulation, touched starved men (obvi), whiney needy idols (if that's not your thing, please don't read), penetration (kept it vague, choose whatever hole you'd like), kissing, biting, marking, hand jobs, let me know if I missed anything.

🗝️ Note: touch starved 🥹 OF MY CHOICE anonie you are so giving 😘 has not been beta read, it's a hard hours so these are meant to be less work and just for fun. Sorry its wayyy late I was busy irl.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted below.

Jung Wooyoung of ATEEZ I may hurt myself writing this one 🥴 Woo had been MIA for the last couple months while preparing for the latest comeback. So, when he showed up at your door requesting a Netflix and chill night, you prepared all his favorite snacks, soups and soju. Woo has always been affectionate in your relationship, but he’s never pushed your boundaries. You brace yourself on his thigh to reach across the coffee table for some banchan when you feel his thigh muscles stiffen. “Oh sorry, you must be sore.” You’re cut off when Wooyoung’s hands pull you into his lap and your mouth to his. Your chopsticks clattering into the pot of jjigae noisily. "Woo the soup!" "Fuck the soup!" Wooyoung whines into your mouth when you return his kiss. “Sorry-can I? I just need-" He breaks off into another deep whimper when your hands undo his pants. “Yes.” Is all you say before kissing across his beautifully cut jawline to leave a trail of marks down his neck. Wooyoung works on ridding the two of you of your bottoms. His skilled fingers immediately begin to work your entrance open. The first thrust in Wooyoung cries out, head falling against your chest as you work him. Mumbling about how you feel so good, how he needs this, that he’s sorry if he doesn’t last. He doesn’t, he’s painting your insides as soon as your mouths reconnect. But he lets you ride him through overstimulation until you’re coming just as hard as he did.

Bonus: Soup Recipe!

Kim Mingyu of SVT Gyu. You had been away on a trip with your friends for the last week, and then came home to dive into work for another three. You've only seen your partner, Mingyu in formal settings and are always getting pulled away from each other. So, when the two of you are finally alone and you climb into his lap, he folds his large frame around yours becoming a whimpering mess. "Baby please," Mingyu begs as you trail kisses down his neck. His shirt long discarded, his hands firmly on your hips dragging you across the erection very obvious in his favorite gray sweats. "Are we needy, Gyu?" You slip a hand under the band to tease the line of pubic hair, his hips buck hard. Mingyu buries his face in your clavicle, nipping at the bone. "Don't tease me, it's been so long I just need you." You kiss his temple, other hand stroking his hair as you release him from the confines of his pants. "What do you want baby?" His head drops back, and those puppy eyes gaze up at you, "please fuck me." You kiss his plush lips, the two of you messily remove your bottoms so you can grant his wish. Mingyu clutches you to hip through each stroke, hands wrapped up your back with you're a life preserver and he's almost drowning in an ocean of arousal.

Lee Minhyuck of BTOB Huta...your gym buddy had seemed a little on edge for most of November, but you hadn't figured out why just yet. You thought he could do with a little shoulder massage to release some of his tension. What you didn't anticipate was Minhyuck to drag you off to the empty mens showers and for your bodies to be shed of your clothing and slickened with hot water in minutes. "Huta," you gasp as his mouth finally leaves yours trailing opened mouthed kisses and bites down your neck. "Sorry, the no nut contest really wound me up this year." He huffs, restraining himself but bracing his elbows on either side of your shoulders. "Can I have you?" His earnest eyes bear into yours and as soon as you give an assured, consenting nod Huta is all over you again. Just as you are him, finally delving into the luxury of embedding your nails into each rivet of his cut abdomen. Biting deeply into his plump pectoral, earning a pleased growl from Minhyuck's cute mouth. "Keep it up and I'm gonna cum before I even make it inside you." His voice breaks off into a moan that echos around the tiled room as you fist his standing erection slowly. "Wouldn't want that," you tease, pecking his jaw and laughing when he flips you on your stomach against the shower wall. "Whoever cums first is buying the other a smoothie." You gasp as he thrusts two fingers smoothly inside you. "I'll buy you whatever you want for letting me inside this tight hole." 🫣

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[bluesylveon2]

600 Follower Special: Holding Out For a Villain ft. the first years

This is a gift to my followers as a thank you for making it to 600 followers! This is my take on Yuu getting kidnapped and having the first years save her. Enjoy!

Summary: When Yuu gets shipped off to an all-girls school, it is up to the first years to save her. What can go wrong?

Note: platonic first years x Yuu/reader, crack, chaos, humor, and the author not being good at naming things

Warning: not beta read and possible ooc characters

Word Count: 1.9k

Masterlist: here

CRASH

"Ugh, five more minutes Grim." Yuu groaned and buried her face in her pillow, letting her eyes drift off once more…

WOOSH

"Ah!" Yuu screamed as her blanket was rudely taken away from her. She opened her eyes to find her window broken, glass scattered across the floor (she could not wait to hear Vil crying over his masterpiece), and Crowley grinning at her. 

"Good morning, Prefect! I have a big surprise for you because I am so generous!"

"Can't this wait until later today?" Yuu asked, pulling the blanket over her head. Her mind was begging her to go back to bed. 

Crowley shook his head. "No, no. In fact, you are going to a new school!"

Yuu uncovered her face. "A what?"

Crowley wiped a tear from his yellow eyes. "You sound so excited already! The school is an all-girls school called Royal Princess Institute."

Yuu's mind was finally awake at the revelation. "You signed me up for another school?"

"Yes, and you are going right now!" Crowley randomly pulled out a large brown sack, big enough for one of the Leech twins. 

"WHAT?!" Yuu's vision became dark. She kicked and punched everywhere but, to her avail,  was only met by a cloth. 

"Have fun!"

---

"Yuu! Yuu!!! YUU!!!" Grim called out as he entered the shared bedroom. His eyes landed on the empty but disarrayed bed; no human in sight. "Yuu!" The cat monster jumped on the bed, searching for his friend, only to find her discarded phone lying on the nightstand. Grim picked up the phone, trying to figure out what to do. 

"Do I call a teacher? Her friends? What do I do?"

"Grim, is that you?" One of the ghosts asked, entering the room. "Did something happen?"

"Yuu is missing, and she left her phone!"

"Oh, I see. Crowley came by this morning telling her some news. Something about her going to a new school."

Grim's eyes widen in fear, and he felt his heart break. Did his human not care for him? Was she tired of him? He wanted to apologize for their massive tuna budget and would gladly cut it if she returned. 

The ghost sensed fear coming off of Grim's fur. "Don't worry. It was unexpected, and Yuu didn't have much say in it."

Grim let out a sigh of relief. "Which means…she was kidnapped?!" The ghost nodded, and Grim felt the fear come back. 

He needed to do something and fast.

---

Moments like these would cause Grim to gather up the best of the best. An elite team, if you will, of the brightest students of NRC. A group of people who could barge in and save Yuu from the dangers of the pink and glitter of an all-girls school when she should be back in NRC, surrounded by many teenage boys (with trauma, might he add) who overblot every month. 

It was clearly obvious which one was the favorite.

And who was the dream team? A group who could slip in and out without suspicion? The all-star, Avengers-level (Grim had no idea who these people were, but Yuu mentioned them once. Maybe they were a band?) group that would save the Prefect?

The first years. 

Well, what the first years should be. Grim began doubting his choice as Ace and Deuce fought over something meaningless. Jack watched them disapprovingly, Epel was happily chatting with Ortho, and Sebek was talking about Malleus. Just an average day in NRC. 

Maybe he should have consulted a second year like Riddle about this. Or beg one of the third years like Leona to help. 

"Oi! We have a very important topic to discuss." 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to the cat monster. 

"What is it?" Epel asked.

"You better not be asking for money to buy tuna?" Deuce frowned, but Grim shook his head.

"It's about Yuu. She has been kidnapped and is forced to go to an all-girls school!"

Anyone could see the six brain cells processing everything. They were all imagining Yuu wearing poofy dresses and being covered in glitter. 

"WHAT?!!"

"WHY?!"

"Who knows?" Grim replied, tears forming in his eyes. "Yuu must be in danger! Who knows what kind of stiff frilly dresses she might be wearing?"

"I understand the feeling," Epel said, recalling the times Vil had him wear the tightest outfits known to man. 

"Exactly! This is why we must save her before it is too late."

Jack crossed his arms and looked at Grim expectedly. "And how are we going to do that?"

"We could send in someone to infiltrate the school…" All eyes landed on Epel, who furiously shook his head. 

"NO! Y'all are not gonna send me to that darn school!"

Ace grinned. "Why not? You already look the part."

Epel looked at the redhead with a glare similar to Vil's. "What did you just say?"

"I said. You. Look. Like. A. Girl."

Epel saw red. "Oh, that's it!" He lunged at Ace, only to be stopped by Jack. The boy kicked and screamed in Jack's grasp. 

"I think that is a horrible idea," Sebek said, and Ortho agreed. 

"I think we should blow up the school. I have a feature Big Brother added that can-"

"NO!" Everyone screamed, including Epel, who stopped flailing and lay still in Jack's arms. 

Deuce slammed his hands against the table, a look of determination in his eyes. Grim smirked; it looked like Deuce had a big brain today. 

"This is getting us nowhere. Look, I have an idea that might work.

---

The plan was simple: break in at night, grab Yuu, and run. 

Why was there chaos as the first years ran back to the Magic Mirror?

Let's rewind.

After traveling long and far (read: they used the Mirror to get there), the group landed in front of a tall, sparkly, pink, and gold castle. The castle had one tall tower overlooking many smaller ones and a big wall surrounding it. There was also a drawbridge leading to the entrance. 

"This looks like something Vil would like," Epel said aloud, and everyone nodded.

"I wonder how Yuu is surviving here? There is too much pink!" Ace exclaimed. 

Grim was already imagining it. His precious human going through how to be a princess, what fork to use first, or balancing a book on her head. Oh, the poor thing!

"We need to save Yuu before she starts balancing books on her head!" Grim yelled, shaking the nearest person's (aka Deuce) head. 

"I've scanned for Yuu's whereabouts, and it looks like she is right there," Ortho said, pointing at the tall tower.

Ace grinned. "Great! Now let's get her!" He said and marched into the castle. The group thought their plan was a piece of cake to disable the cameras, sneak into the school, locate Yuu's dorm, and take Yuu back. The group was walking down a hallway when Epel accidentally tripped and landed on Sebek. The school security was alerted of their presence after Epel and Sebek started arguing about who caused it. Grim facepalmed as Epel cursed loudly in his Harveston accent, and Sebek yelled at the Pomefiore boy. 

Which led to their current situation. 

Ace and Deuce rode on Jack in his wolf form through the castle. Ace told him where to go while Deuce carried a sleeping Yuu in his arms. 

Ortho teamed up with Sebek and used their magic to hold off their pursuers.

And Epel?

He was busy holding Grim out like a weapon and used the cat monster's fire to ward off the many girls asking what his skincare routine looked like. Epel cursed Vil out for making his skin flawless. At least he and Sebek put their earlier argument aside. 

"We need to get out of here!" Deuce yelled.

"We are trying to!" Ace replied. 

"Get away from me, you girls! Back away!" Epel yelled as he finally caught up to Jack and jumped on him with Grim. The boy immediately regretted not bringing some of Vil's products to his dorm to throw at them. They would react like a child with candy. 

"We still have time to blast them out of oblivion," Ortho suggested. 

"NO ORTHO!" The boys yelled, causing Yuu to shift in her sleep. Seriously, how was she sleeping through all of that?

Ortho sighed in defeat. "You guys are no fun."

The group swerved through different teachers and almost returned to where the Mirror stood. They were a reasonable distance away until Grim held out his paw. 

"Look! They're raising the bridge!" Both ends of the drawbridge were slowly coming up.

Ace looked at the mob and the bridge. There were only a few seconds to decide until they were stuck in the school. "We might have to jump."

Deuce looked at him like he was a madman. "Jump?! Are you crazy?"

"Trust me." Ace turned to Ortho and Sebek. "On my signal, I want you two to create a diversion." The two nodded and continued holding the mob off. "You know what to do, Jack."

"Of course," Jack said and sped up. The bridge was getting higher the closer the group got. 

"Hold on tight, you guys!" Ace called back to Deuce and Epel. "NOW!" He yelled to others. 

"Finally!" Ortho exclaimed. He and Sebek combined their magic to create a beam using Ortho's and Sebek's lighting. As their magic created an explosion to stop their pursuers, Jack used his momentum to climb up the raised bridge to jump. 

The group landed on the other side as Ortho flew in with Sebek. 

"We did it!" Ace whooped and high five the first years. 

"That's great, but I think we should run," Deuce said, pointing at the mob, who was currently trying to lower the bridge. 

"Agreed. Let's make a run for it."

And at the end of the day, the first year group saved Yuu and returned to the school. Yuu woke up and did not question how she came back, and the other first years made Crowley promise that she would stay in NRC. 

Everyone found peace for the rest of the school year. 

Except….

Riddle drank his tea as Cater and Trey were sitting around nearby. The redhead was enjoying the peace when Cater suddenly gasped. 

"No way!"

Riddle raised an eyebrow and looked at Trey for an answer, to which the vice-housewarden only shrugged. Riddle sighed and set his cup down. "What are you looking at, Cater?"

"Take a look at this!" Cater held his phone to Riddle's face to show a post on Magicam. The post was talking about a commotion at Royal Princess Institute. "You need to see who's in the picture."

Riddle felt a familiar feeling go through his body as he read the post. He continued scrolling until he saw NRC mentioned. "What is going on here?" The redhead took Cater's phone and continued reading. He ignored most of the unimportant information until he saw the photo. A big white wolf was in the center with three familiar boys and a cat monster riding its back. In the background was another familiar duo; one was flying, while the other was next to some lighting. 

Riddle felt a vein pop out in his forehead. "ACE! DEUCE! IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!"

Meanwhile, as the other housewardens discovered the news and the first years were getting reprimanded, Yuu slept peacefully on her bed with Grim.

"Yuu, we need more tuna," Grim said while shifting in his sleep, unaware of the chaos outside Ramshackle. 

At least the window was fixed. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland and its characters. Those belong to Aniplex, Walt Disney Japan, and Yana Toboso.

©: This story belongs to bluesylveon2 2020-23. DO NOT modify, republish, or plagiarize my work.

[jennay]

Don’t Let Go

Request: Can you write something about Noah x reader? They're at a concert, the crowd, but something happens and they're separated, even though he tries to hold her hand or her arm or something?

Noah Master List

No warnings

An: Getting lost in a concert is literally my nightmare.

You’d been waiting for this concert for ages, and it was finally here. You and Noah arrived early, hoping to get as close to the stage as possible.

You were a massive fan of the band, especially the lead singer. You told Noah that you would faint if you met him in person.

He found it hilarious and mocked you about your crush. "You have a thing for lead singers, don't you?" He said with a smirk.

You roll your eyes and say. "Don't worry, I love you the most." You gently kiss his cheek.

As you walked through the gates, you regretted your choice of clothing.

You forgot your bag in the car, meaning you had no sunscreen or sunglasses. You knew you were doomed to get a painful sunburn, but you tried to ignore it.

You told yourself seeing your favorite band live would be worth it.

Noah seemed to read your mind as he pulled his backpack off his shoulder. He rummaged through it and pulled out a can of sunscreen.

“Let me help you." He says, turning you around. He sprayed your shoulders and back with the cool mist, making you shiver slightly.

You smiled and thanked him for being so thoughtful and prepared. He always knew what you needed.

He tapped your shoulder and told you to turn around again. "Close your eyes." He instructed. You did as he said and felt him spray your face and neck with the sunscreen.

You opened your eyes and saw him smiling at you.

He leaned in and kissed your lips, "All set. Stay close soyo don't get kidnapped." He winks and wraps his arm around your waist. "Are you ready?" He asks, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

You nod eagerly and squeeze his hand. You hear the roar of the crowd as you approach the stage.

You saw the band's colorful lights and banners, feeling adrenaline at your core. You lift your hand to show Noah your shaking palm, "I'm so excited!"

He replied with a cheesy grin and a girlish squeal. He was just as thrilled as you were to see the band live.

You had both been fans since their first album, and you had bought the tickets as soon as they went on sale.

You couldn't wait to hear them play their songs, sing along with them, and feel their energy and passion.

You loved their music, lyrics, style, everything about them.

You had stickers on your laptop and t-shirts in your closet. You knew every word to every song and were ready to rock out with them.

You smile at Noah again and whisper in his ear. "This is going to be awesome."

He wrapped his arms around you, drawing you close to his chest. "Please stay close." He pleaded.

He was worried about losing you in the crowd. You were so small and cute, and he loved that about you. But it also made you hard to spot among the sea of people.

He had to keep an eye on you at all times, or else he would panic.

You nodded eagerly, smiling reassuringly.

You felt safe and secure in his embrace. He kissed your hair and whispered in your ear. "I don't want what happened last time to happen again."

You remembered the last concert you went to together when a drunk guy grabbed you and tried to drag you away from Noah.

It had been a scary moment, but Noah had intervened and came close to punching the guy in the face. You hoped nothing like that would happen again.

Standing in bliss, you sang to your favorite song, feeling the rhythm pulse through your veins. You closed your eyes and let the music take over, waving your arms and nodding your head in sync with the beats. You felt a gentle pressure on your back as Noah nudged you forward. You reached back and grabbed his hands, intertwining your fingers and pulling him closer. He followed your lead, keeping a tight grip on you.

During the first three songs, you'd already managed to wander in a completely different direction. He had already lost you a few times when you had slipped through the gaps between people.

He had to push through the crowd to find you, hoping you were safe and sound. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to you.

You must’ve gotten a little too excited because when you whirl around to share your thrill with Noah as they announce the next song, your heart plummets as you realize he's vanished. Strangers squeeze you from all sides, and dread floods you. You feel like a helpless lamb. "Shit," You hiss, standing on your tip toes and trying to scan over some heads and dodge between bodies to search for him.

You yank your cell phone out of your pocket and try to text him, hoping he will see it. Where are you?

You stare down at your phone, hoping for a reply, but his phone is probably buried in his backpack.

You can no longer enjoy the show without the anxiety racing through your body. This is precisely what you didn't want to happen.

You feel a hand roughly grab your arm and jerk you back, making you gasp and try to wrench your arm free. You hated being touched by strangers, and because you were small, it seemed like people liked to mess with you more often than not at these events.

Your eyes finally land on a familiar face; you can see panic in Noah's eyes as he attempts to continue scanning the crowd.

You bolt over quickly, not caring if you have to throw a few elbows to get through the crowd.

You push past the people blocking your way, ignoring their complaints and curses.

You just want to get back to Noah, feel his arms around you, and know you'll be okay.

"Fuck." You say with relief as he wraps you in his arms. "Where were you!?" You ask him, feeling a mix of emotions.

He leans down, yelling over the music, "Looking for you!" He sounds apologetic. “Next time I’m attaching a balloon to you!”

Agiggle falls through your lips as you lace your fingers in his. Your heart slows down, and he places his hands on your hips, looping his fingers through the belt loops of your shorts.

You weren't going anywhere, not this time. You press yourself against him, feeling safe and secure. You can finally relax and listen to the last song of the night.

You look up at him and see his smile. He kisses you softly, reassuring you he's there and not letting go of you ever again.

[butyou-callmewhenyourebored]

When We Are Together - Matty Healy

Summary: In which Matty falls in love with you in stages his entire life. He knows everything is better when you're together but the two of you are oblivious to the fact you're in love with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. A small section of smut in flashback 2. Unfortunately it's not with Matty. It's with George because I am a whore. Mentions of The S*n. Mentions of Matty going to rehab, obviously we don't know all the personal details apart from the fact there was an intervention after the ilwys era ended and he went and now he's in recovery.  

Author's Note: Self proclaimed 'Not a Matty girl' just wrote 12K lol this has legit taken so long cause I procrastinate but hope you like it!  Really fucking long because I tend to let my mind wonder, I don't even know if this is any good but I'm trying to get better. I thought the concept was cute anyway. So enjoy! Let me know what you guys think and if you liked it x

Word Count: 12K

Your life had always been surrounded by the boys. So many moments in your life that their fans could only ever dream of knowing about or being involved in but you didn’t know any different, it was just your life. You had no choice in the matter when your brother and best friend in the entire world was the bassist in the band. That’s right; Ross MacDonald was your big brother and you seemed to be somewhat of a legend amongst their hardcore fanbase yourself for putting up with their antics for as long as you had! Not that you really had a choice when you were tied to them via blood but they had also hired you as their personal assistant so you could follow them around the world and so none of them had to part from you for too long.

You had personal relationships with all of the band, not just your brother who genuinely was the best big brother you could have ever asked for. He was your best friend and had been since the moment you were born. Sometimes it irritated the others how annoying the two of you were when you both got into silly moods, with all your inside jokes and side looks that nobody else understood. Especially Matty who always wanted in on the joke. But Ross was a ride or die kind of guy and you were the same. If it came down to it you would fight over who took the first bullet.

Adam Hann. Adam truly was an angel of man sent to earth to be your bestie and you don’t think you could love him anymore if you could. Someone you could geek out about The Office with on the tour bus and who brought you coffee when he could see you needed a pick me up. The most level headed of the boys, you know he’ll always be on your side. Someone who’s come to your rescue during many nights out both pre and post fame and took your hand, pretended to be your boyfriend with no questions asked and got you away from creeps more times than you would have liked. You couldn’t be more grateful for a selfless friend like Adam Hann.

George Daniel. Your ‘little’ Georgie had been in your form at school, so apart from your brother until you were much older and started hanging out with them more, you had spent the most time with him. So it’s fair to say that the pair of you were close. So close that you lived with him and Matty in your early twenties. Even a small indiscretion on his 23rd birthday much to your brother’s dismay didn’t change the course of your relationship. Now that you were both thirty two and you were still working for him, clearly the two of you didn’t care that you had seen each other naked. If anything your night together all those many moons ago had brought you closer together. You would trust him with your life.

Then there was Matty. Matty was something else. If you asked his fans, depending on if you were asking old or new fans. He was something else in two senses of the word. To you he was just Matthew. Your big brother’s best friend who was a bit of a weird kid, transitioned into a somewhat cool teenager who you had a bit of a crush on when you were seventeen, to the most annoying person you’ve ever laid eyes on. But also he was your best friend. An old married couple is what George labeled you both and he wasn’t wrong, the pair of you did have a bit of a domestic life together when he wasn’t busy being a rockstar. 

I think the fans would be shocked to find out he likes doing the mundane things in life like doing the food shop with you and fighting at the tills that it was his turn to scan his club card. Or walking the dog, drinking a good cup of tea at his Mam’s house or cooking with you over a glass of wine with Donny Hathaway playing in the background on the record player.

He had done so much for you over the years and you always thought it was just Matty being Matty and looking out for you. Hiring you as the band’s assistant, so you could see the world with them so you weren’t stuck in a stuffy office job in England. Even though you had graduated from uni with a first class degree in photography. Moving you into his home when you broke up with your long term boyfriend in 2020 so you weren’t wallowing in self pity. It was probably then, that George cemented your “marriage status” because you did do everything together and apparently you had been oblivious your entire friendship until now.

It was in this moment in Belfast on the last night of the UK tour that your head swimming with all of the moments in your life that led you to here with Matty, tears brimmed with tears. That you realised that it was him the entire time.

April 2007

You pulled the front of the white tank top you were wearing down, allowing the frilly cups of your red bra to peek out the top. Your top tucked into a short black mini skirt, paired with a big chunky belt and hoop earrings and some wedged sandals on your feet. You actually felt good about yourself for once! You, Sarah and Rebecca ready to get drunk and dance your asses off with all of your friends as you celebrated Matty’s birthday.

Matty’s 18th birthday party was being held at his house. A classic Healy house party yet you still wondered how Denise and Tim were somehow trusting him enough for the night to not burn the house down so he could celebrate his birthday with his friends without parental supervision.

You of course had yet to turn eighteen, as had your brother who was only eleven months older than you. So you turned to your lord and saviour Adam Hann who went to the local off license and bought you a pack of Bacardi Breezers for the party.

When the three of you arrived; you immediately got swept away by your other school friends, giggling at the thought of getting drunk with all your friends and making out with boys your brother would definitely disapprove of was the motivation you needed to open your first drink of the evening.

It was after a few drinks, definitely too many shots of whatever George had proclaimed Matty’s Dad’s had left for the birthday boy. You were starting to feel the effects of the alcohol you had drunk that evening when you spotted Max. Tall, brunette, curly hair and a killer watt smile that made you weak at the knees, talking to George.

Silent motivation from Phoebe as she ruffled her hands through your hair and pushing your tits into a good position as Sarah dabbed on some more lip gloss before pushing you in the direction of the boys, slapping your ass with a quick “Go get him tiger!”

Shooting her a grin over your shoulder, you strutted on over to where George and Max stood clutching their beer bottles as they conversed about god knows what. Hoping to catch his attention, you threw on your best smile as you stopped in front of the two of them. 

“Hello boys!” You beamed a the two of them, eyes lingering on Max a little longer. “Having a good night?”  You asked, twiddling the straw around your drink as you waited for their answer.

“Even better now you’re here gorgeous!” 

Your heart fluttered for a moment. Max was flirting back.

“Your tits are looking mega tonight babe!” 

George broke your eye contact with the tall brunette as your eyes flitted towards him. The blush flushing across your cheeks at George’s compliment, “Ohhh thanks G!”  You laughed awkwardly, catching his eyes fall to your tits once more just as Ross walked past the three of you.

“Dude! That’s my sister!” He punched him in the arm; a scowl on his face and immediately pulling you away with him and far away from the boys and into the crowd of people dancing in Denise and Tim’s living room.

“You’re no fun!”  You huffed.

“You can do a lot better than Max sis. Believe me! I’m just looking out for you.” 

He smiled softly at you and you sighed, knowing you couldn’t ever stay mad at him. He knew you better than anyone else and always looked out for you no matter what. “Thanks bro.  I know. I’m just going to get some fresh air, it’s a bit stuffy in here.” 

You sent him a smile, squeezing past him and all the other sweaty bodies to head out the sliding doors at the back of Matty’s kitchen. Letting out the breath you hadn’t realised you had been holding as the cool spring air brushed over your skin. Taking in the serenity of the night air, you didn’t realise anyone else was out there until you heard a cough causing you to snap your head towards the noise.

Matty was leaning up against the back wall, cigarette hanging from his lips.

“Alright birthday boy! What you doing out here by yourself?” You laughed lightly as you approached; leaning next to him as you took in the slightly solemn look on his face.

“Bit overwhelming in there. Thought I’d like the attention but there’s too many people. Half of them are just here to get drunk, they don’t care about me.” He laughed bitterly; blowing smoke into the air. “Anyway. What are you doing out here?”

“Just needed some air. It was a bit stuffy in there. Too many people.”

“Ahhh so we’re alike in our thinking.” Matty laughed. “Wish it was just you and the boys to be honest.” He mumbled, shuffling his feet.

“Hey. You know if you want we can have a do over. Come over to mine and Ross’ tomorrow. We’ll order pizza and watch True Romance. I’d hate for you to not look back fondly at your 18th.”  You smiled softly as you spoke.

“You’re brilliant.” Matty’s eyes bright as he looked at you. “I’d really like that. Thanks sweetheart.”  Matty shot you a genuine smile for the first time since you stepped outside.

A brief moment of silence settled across the two of you before Matty spoke again.

“You look incredible tonight.”

“Ohhh.” You looked down at your feet, unsure of how to take the compliment.

“Hey.” Matty lifted your chin up. “What’s all that about? You’re the most beautiful girl in the room.” He said earnestly; swiping at the apples of your cheeks and holding your jaw in his hands.

“Just didn’t think anyone could look past the fact I’m Ross’ sister. Nobody ever calls me beautiful.”

“Not even Josh? Didn’t you date him for nearly a year?”  Matty asked as you shook your head.

“Then he’s an idiot. You’re always the most beautiful girl in the room darling.”

“Matty.” 

It came out a whisper as you both stared into each other’s brown eyes. Matty’s eyes dancing across your features, settling on your lips before looking back up and catching your gaze already on him. Matty leaned in, his face getting closer to your own as your mind started racing. 

Did you want to kiss Matty? Kinda, yeah! 

Should you kiss Matty? No, definitely not. Ross would kill the both of you. 

Did you kiss Matty? Yes.

“We shouldn’t.”  You whispered, lips mere inches away from his own.

“But a birthday kiss is all I want this year.” 

His words came out of a whisper, you didn’t say anything else just pushed your lips against his and allowed him to pull you closer as his mouth moved against the softness of your glossed lips. His hands moving from your face, dancing down the sides of your body and landing on your waist before he reluctantly pulled away, forehead resting against your own.

“You’re good at that.” He pecked your lips once more.

“Mmmm.”  You hummed; opening your eyes as Matty held you close. You quickly opened your mouth to say something and promptly shut it again when you caught the way Matty looked at you. “Fuck it!” You mumbled and slammed your lips back against his own.

The birthday boy now pushing you up against the wall, hands impossibly tight on your waist as he pulled you as physically close as possible. Your hands uprooting themselves in the hair at the back of his neck and tugging as you snogged him like your life depended on it. Like you weren’t pushed against the back of his kitchen wall in his garden, where any of your school friends could come out and catch you. Or worse; your brother but you didn’t care because the way Matty was kissing you made your whole body tingle.

Tugging his hair again as his tongue moved against your own. Matty groaned loudly; finally pulling away. “Fuck settle down! You know I can’t be found with you and if you keep doing that, someone is going hear us.” He groaned as he continued to pepper kisses up the side of your jaw.

“Hmmm, don’t feel like being murdered by my brother right now.”  You sighed; leaning back against the wall to take him in. Lips swollen and eyes bright as he watched you.

“I don’t want to be murdered by your brother either. Worst birthday ever!” He chuckled; hands dancing across your waist. “But that was my favourite birthday gift! Thanks sweetheart!” Matty grinned; watching you push yourself off the wall and smooth yourself down before heading back towards the house.

You paused for a moment; your foot on the last step, your hand lingering on the handle to the back door for a millisecond as you looked over your shoulder one last time at Matty who was just watching you. You sent him a soft smile, your hair falling in front of your face as you laughed before leaving him the dark as you rejoined the party.

A kiss with Matty who was your big brother’s (and your) annoying friend, someone you had an innocent schoolgirl crush on once he started becoming a tiny bit cool as the lead singer in their band. Something you didn’t think was an overly big deal, after all people kiss people they shouldn’t when they’re drunk all the time. Turns out it was the starting point of the trajectory of how your’s and Matty’s story begun.

March 2013

In the midst of releasing a series of EPs and gigging around the country and building up their hardcore fanbase. You had managed to get the boys all to just relax for a moment and celebrate the release of their Music for Cars EP and the fact that it was George’s 23rd birthday this weekend. And how did you celebrate? The only way you lot knew how, a dirty ole’ house party just like the good old days.

You had managed to squeeze God knows how many people in little flat you shared with George and Matty. As far as flatmate’s go, they weren’t all that bad. You had moved in with them straight after university so you had definitely had worse.

You had just downed what you believe was your fifth vodka shot of the evening and decided you needed to pace yourself a bit more if you weren’t going to stumble into your room and pass out any time soon. So upon spotting Ross, you wondered over to your brother who was sat talking to Hann; wiggling your way in between the two of them with a giggle. Ross automatically lifting his arm for you to slip under as you nursed the rest of your wine at a slower pace until your glass was empty.

After your head stopped spinning a sufficient amount, you found yourself milling about the flat and smuggling yourself into Matty’s embrace as he poured you another glass.

“Enjoying yourself sweetheart?” 

“Mmm. Have you see the birthday boy?” You felt Matty’s lips pressed to the top of your head as you asked.

“You leaving me already?”  He chuckled. “Think he popped out the back for a cig.” 

He motioned towards the back door. You immediately unravelled yourself from him, a kiss smacked against his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth. Not that you noticed in your flurry but Matty did. The longing for the feeling of the two of you had shared in his back garden prickling at his chest as his eyes locked onto your retreating figure as you rushed through the throng of remaining people in the kitchen and exiting the flat.

Matty was right. You found George smoking out the back in your little tiny back garden under the dying glimmer of your shit security light that was attached to your back wall. Turning in your direction at the sound of the back door shutting, George automatically opened his arms for you to slot into his side, arm hung loosely over your shoulder as he let out the smoke he had just inhaled. Wordlessly placing the cig in your mouth to let you take a drag yourself, you passed it back and forth between the two of you in silence.

Stubbing the end into the brick, George dropped it into the bucket of dirty filters before breaking the silence. “God what time is it?”  He asked as you watched him push the balls of his hand into his eyes.

“Nearly 2am! Why you need to go to bed Grandad?!”

“Fucking maybe?! How many people are left?” The now blonde motioned towards the house.

“Only a few. Heard Sally talk about some of them heading into town on the way out and Luke and Helen have to be up early so they left nearly a hour ago. Just the band and about three other now. You ready to head in birthday boy?” You asked; holding out your hand for him to take with a smirk.

With a silent nod George didn’t hesitate to grab onto your hand as you tried not to trip over the many plant pots that were littered across your garden path. “You given me my birthday present yet? I can’t remember?” You turned to look at the drummer. An amused look on your face because he had given you the brightest smile when he had opened the personalised drumsticks you had gotten him earlier. “Or are you my present? Wait is this an ambush?” George gasped. “Please be an ambush!” He grinned at you.

“You should be so lucky!”  You scoffed; before shooting him a smirk as you opened the the kitchen door.

“Your tits look mega in that dress by the way!” His tone smug as he closed the kitchen door behind him. Your only response being the cackle that left your mouth as you left George to watch you walk away as you joined the rest of the band in the living room.

Lucky indeed because once the remaining guests left about twenty minutes later. You had snuck into George’s room to say good night and wish him a happy birthday and it’s how you found yourself currently with aching arms. As they were locked either side of George’s knees, his hands tight on your waist as you bounced on his cock.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in this position. You do know he had already made you cum twice though. Once on his tongue and once with his fingers but my God were you spiralling towards your third. The thick drag of his cock between your legs as he stretched you out was delicious but you needed to cum quick because you weren’t sure how long you could stay in this position for.

“Jesus Christ! So fucking good George!” You wailed; as George’s thumb swiped through the slick between your legs and rubbing at your clit.

“Feel good baby?”

“Yes. Shit! So good!” You panted. “Arms hurt though, fuck.”

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you.” He said; pulling you forward.

You fell forward at full speed; having to catch yourself on either side of his face to stop yourself from head butting him as his large hands moved from your hips to grab on to the globes of your ass before plowing up into your cunt so fast you saw stars dance under your eyelids. All you could do was shake and babble out a string of, “So good. So good. So good.” As George made you cum again.

Pulling out quickly. You had no time to recover as George flipped you over; face already in his pillows as he pushed back into you as he chased his own orgasm. The drag of his cock made you feel delirious at the speed in which he was fucking you back into the mattress.

“Fucking hell. You’re so good G! Yes! Yes! Yes!”  You screamed into the mattress, really not caring that your mutual best friend was on the other side of the wall.

His name fell from your lips like a chant. You hadn’t been fucked this good in forever, if at all and the fact it was your Georgie made your head spin.

“Come on baby. One more and I’ll give it to you.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the back of your shoulder before pulling you back on to his cock at rapid speed and sending you hurtling towards your fourth orgasm of the night (well morning) and George to fill you up with a satisfied groan.

Pulling out; your gentle giant rolled over, the pair of you catching your breath after fucking for a good hour. Rolling your head to the side to take him in, you pressed a kiss to the top of his shoulder with a chuckle. “Happy Birthday G!” 

The now blonde let out a loud laugh as the pair of you snuggled into each other’s arms, like you would normally do under any other circumstances as George pressed a kiss to the side of your face. The temporary bliss shielding you both from the circumstances you’d have to face in the morning.

When you did manage to wake up the next morning, George was still fast asleep but his alarm clock read 10:12 and you knew you’d have to get up to tidy the flat because Matty certainly wouldn’t. As you looked around George’s room, you scrambled to find anything to hide your dignity as you moved around to clean up. As you pulled the shirt George was wearing the night before over your bare body, you didn’t have chance to register the other voices on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Where is she? She’s not answering her phone? She’s not in her room either.”

Matty didn’t answer Ross’s question, just grumbled into his arms before flinging himself down onto the dining room table dramatically.

“What’s the matter with you? You look like shit Healy!” Hann shoved his shoulder with a laugh as he threw himself on the sofa.

“Well you’d look like shit if you didn’t get any sleep cause you could hear George fucking at all hours of the night too.” Matty snapped at the two of them.

“Who was he shagging? I thought he wasn’t seeing that blonde anymore?”

Unfortunately for you, this was when you decided to make your grand appearance. Walking out of George’s room in nothing but his shirt and your knickers from the night before. The three of them silent as they took in your appearance.

Adam’s jaw slack as he looked on in shock as everything clicked into place before his very eyes.

Matty looked pained as he ran a hand through his curls before pushing himself up off the dining room table and shuffling into the kitchen, silently flicking the kettle on.

Ross looked angry. You could see it simmering in his eyes. The vein on his neck pulsing as he starred you down.

“I’ve been trying to ring you. Why were you in George’s room? ”

“I’ve been asleep. I’m here now aren’t I? Everything alright?” You brushed past him, trying to avoid talking about the inevitable. You hated when Ross was angry.

“Why do you have George’s shirt on?”

The two of you competed in a stare off. The both of you silent. Neither of you making the next move. If there was one thing you MacDonald siblings were, it was stubborn. Adam was watching on in anticipation. The only noise to be heard was Matty shuffling around the kitchen in the background. Your brother asked you again. Why was he asking you questions he didn’t want to know the answers to.

“Don’t make me say it bro.”  You sighed; annoyance flashing across his features.

“You slept with my best friend?”  Ross immediately started raising his voice. He already knew the answer, he didn’t need your confirmation. Not that he waited for it because he was already storming towards George’s room and right on queue, the door swung open to George just in his boxers.

“Ross. Stop!”  Your voice loud and going ignored.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY SISTER?!”  

Ross was seething. Hann was immediately by your side ready to intervene. Matty still off and away from the drama (which was very unlike him) that was about to unfold. He was unlawfully quiet but you couldn’t think about that when Ross was squaring off with George in the doorway to your rooms. The shouting sounded like you were under water as you zoned it out. This was a disaster. It was only when Hann touching your arm, whispering if they should intervene or not that brought you back to reality and had you storming right in between the two giants.

Pushing your way in between them. You stood with your back against George’s chest, a hand on your brothers and looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Ross. Please. Fighting George isn’t going to solve anything.”

“You slept. With my sister. What about fucking bro code?! Not cool dude!”

“It was me.” You shouted over the top of his booming voice, all four of them turning to look at you as you very rarely raised your voice. “It was me. I initiated it. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, shout at me because it’s my fault.”

“Babe you don’t have to defend me.” George touched your shoulder gently. “I know, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“Don’t touch her!” Ross zoned in on George’s hands upon your shoulders. He quickly lifted them up in surrender.

“George, we’re both consenting adults.” You addressed him before turning back to your brother. “I’m sorry but if you’re going to sulk about it, blame me because I started it. Ross you know I love you more than anything in this world but you can’t hate everyone that goes near me.”  You reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. “It was literally a one night stand. Promise it won’t happen again.”

Ross tried to pull his hand out of yours at your words, the vein in his neck twitching at the fucked up thought of his little sister casually sleeping around. “I’m not fucking happy about it. Fucking bro code dude.” He threw his hands up dramatically before turning towards the door. “I’m going for some fresh air.” 

Ross quickly yanked open the front door, Hann hot on his tail, muttering something about checking on him which left you with Matty and George. The three of you standing in silence for a moment before George popped a kiss on top of your head and mumbling about a cig and heading out the back.

Matty disappeared again into the kitchen as you plonked yourself down at the dining room table with a groan. The ticking of the clock the only thing to be heard as the two of you were now the only ones left in your tiny flat. Sitting down next to you, Matty didn’t say anything. Just pushed a mug of coffee towards you and sipping his own.

“You don’t hate me do you? You haven’t said anything all morning.”

Matty took a sip of his coffee, a look of contemplation on his face as his eyes flitted towards you. The silence deafening and the thought of him being upset with you made your heart ache.

“You never offered me that on my birthday.”

You blinked rapidly as you stared at him. That was it. That’s what he chose to say.

Matty tried to say it with a joking lilt to his words. A smirk hiding behind his mug of coffee as you took in his words. But he knew deep down that there was a seriousness to it. It was true, you’ve never done anything with him other than when you kissed at his 18th, on his birthday or otherwise. Apart from one drunken weekend about two weeks later. He wasn’t sure why the thought made his heart pang. But it did. You opened your mouth to respond, quickly shutting it again as a flush rushed to your cheeks as you remembered the night in his garden five birthdays ago.

You let out a shaky laugh, not knowing what to say, shoving his shoulder playfully as you settled back into your chair, steaming coffee ready to be drunk.

“I don’t, you know.” 

You turned you head to curly haired man beside you confused at what he was saying. 

“I could never hate you.”

2014

You weren’t exactly sure where you were. What state you were in. What time it was or how much you and the band had to drink or what drugs Matty had taken tonight but you were fucking exhausted. You had been following your brother and your best friends around the world for the best part of just over a year, ‘acting’ like their personal assistant. 

You were essentially a glorified baby sitter for these four man children. You wouldn’t change it for the world though, you got to travel the world with your best friends and take cool photography in the cool cities you visited but it was all catching up to you. All whilst they were busy being rockstars, some more than others but that was a different story.

You wanted nothing more than to be in the dingy little flat you shared with Matty and George in Manchester, catching up on washing, going down to your local Sainsbury’s and doing the weekly shop. Anything that didn’t require going to bed post 3am.

But you were currently in a club in Atlanta or was it Nashville? You didn’t know but what you did know was that you were bloody tired and the thought of travelling on the tour bus to the next state with a hangover was genuinely about to send you into a downward spiral if you didn’t get yourself back to the hotel asap.

Tucked neatly underneath Hann’s arm, his arm loosely hanging over your shoulder as you rested your head upon his shoulder, you prayed for your brother to round up the other two quicker than he was because you were actually asleep standing up at this point. You didn’t think it was possible to be asleep with your eyes open but you were positive at this precise moment in time it was currently happening.

Ross finally reappeared with George in tow but there was no Matty trailing behind the two of them. You groaned loudly as you clapped eyes on the two of them. Ross looked defeated, tiredness set his eyes too. George smirked when he heard your groans.

“Not the usual type of groans you make when you see me baby.”

“I’ll punch you so hard before Ross even gets the chance to if you don’t shut the fuck up Daniel's. Where’s Healy?”  You huffed, scowling at the boy in front of you.

“Mumbled something incoherent before refusing to leave.” Your brother grumbled.

“Give me two minutes.” You sent Hann a soft smile, before removing yourself from the bubble the two of you’d created at the end of the bar before pushing your way through all the sweaty bodies until you found him trying to chat up some blonde model type near the DJ booth.

Gently placing your hand around his bicep to get his attention, his curls whipped in your direction to see who was touching him. The first thing you noticed apart from the bright grin he was now sporting were his dilated pupils. So he had taken coke again, brilliant. 

The sigh that left you so deeply rooted, you’re surprised he didn’t pick up on it. You hated the way it made him feel after the high was over.

“Hi darling! Hasn’t tonight been amazing? Wait where are the others? Can you believe your brother tried to make me to go back to the hotel? How sick was the gig tonight? Do you want to dance? Hey let me introduce you to…” He spoke at a hundred miles a hour as he spewed out utter nonsense, turning to realise the blonde he was chatting up was long gone.

You watched Matty’s shoulders sag, sad eyes now back on your own. “You fancy coming back with me? I’m dead on my feet and don’t really fancy nursing this inevitable hangover whilst being stuck on the tour bus for over six hours with you lot without at least four hours of decent sleep.”

“But I don’t want to go home yet.” He pouted.

“You come with me now, I’ll let you stay in my bunk tomorrow and I won’t complain about how clingy you are. Promise!”

“Like a sleepover?!”  Matty’s face lit up again.

“If you like, yeah!” You laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

“Come on then, let’s go right now!” He started to drag you through the crowds. “I’m sharing with Ross tonight. I think he’d rather kill himself than watch you throw yourself at me!” 

“I don’t throw myself at you.” You laughed at the frown he was pulling at you.

“It’s been known to happen Healy! I don’t mind though. My bunk tomorrow. Pinky promise.”

“Tomorrow.”  Matty sent you a soft smile; his pinky looping around your own before you started to tug him back towards the boys. “I just want to clarify, I don’t throw myself at you I just like lying on your tits is all!” He said, pulling a laugh out of you as you approached the rest of the band. Your brother already leading the troops out the club as he saw your approach, eager to get out of there and into bed.

You had currently been on the road from Atlanta to Raleigh, North Carolina for the past two hours and the hangover was showing no signs of disappearing. You had already watched half a season of The Office with Hann and had taken a half arsed nap with Ross but it was hard trying to sleep in the lounge, when your head was knocking off his shoulder every time the bus hit a pot hole.

Not to mention; if Matty made one more fucking sound, you were absolutely positive one of you was going to throw him out the window. It was a toss up between you and Hann, whoever got to him first I suppose. But he was getting on your last nerve. He was annoying at the best of times but there was something about his come down today that was irritating you to no fucking end. He so much as breathed too loudly and it was sending you spiralling into deep pit of annoyance.

You and the band were up back in the lounge area, some Adam Sandler movie playing quietly in the back ground that you were pretty sure none of them were even paying attention to. When Matty threw his phone across the bus, swearing something incoherent under his breath and it was the last straw.

Standing up abruptly, you managed to startle both Ross and Hann at the speed in which you moved. Pulling down George’s hoodie that you had stolen, so it covered more of your ass over the pair of gym shorts you had on. You turned back towards your brother and Adam, irritation etched across your features, scowling at Matty as you eyed him out of your peripheral, as he moped about next to George. 

Just the image of him, made you want to roll your eyes.

“I’m going to my bunk before I fucking throttle him!”  

You sent them both a sarcastic smile before storming off to your bunk. You can’t have been there ten minutes before your peace was interrupted by Matty who was peering around the curtain and asking if he can join you. You let out a big sigh before silently nodding your head as he lumbered on into the small space.

Immediately wrapping his arms around your waist; his head found home upon your chest just like it always did when he wanted a cuddle. Your hand that was wrapped around him made its way up to his head, where it settled in his curls, finger tips running across his scalp. The sound of his soft sighs automatically calming down the irritation that had been bubbling inside you since he had awoken this morning.

You weren’t entirely sure how long you had been lying there in silence. You only broke the silence when the coldness of Matty’s fingertips slipped underneath your hoodie to touch the warmth of your skin. His thumb rubbing circles across the softness of your hips as he snuggled further into your tits as one of his legs started pushing its way in between your own as he got comfy.

“Matty?” Your voice gentle as you tried to get his attention.

“You said you wouldn’t complain.” His voice muffled as he spoke into your covered breasts.

“Your fingers are fucking freezing that’s all.” Your chest vibrated with laughter.

“Sorry sweetheart” Matty moved the slightest bit, to kiss the underside of your chin before snuggling back into the warmth of your hoodie.

“I don’t mean to, you know?”  He whispered softly.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t mean to make you angry.” 

His voice was barely above a whisper, that you nearly missed it.

“I’m not angry. Why would you think I’m angry at you?”

“You looked like you’d rather die than be anywhere near me before.” The hand that was weaving through his curls stopped. “I hated it. Hated that you looked at me like that. Made me feel even more shit than I already do.”

“Healy look at me.” Matty didn’t move a muscle, head still tucked underneath your chin, no effort in moving at all at your words.

“Babe. Look at me.” Your voice more stern, wiggling away from his grip so you could look down at him properly. “I could never hate you. Ever.” Your eyes flitted across his features, hardened by the late nights on tour and the hardcore partying. “I hate what that stuff does to you. I would never stop you from having fun but when you do that stuff, I hate how it makes you hate yourself the next day. I don’t want you doing something you’re going to regret because believe it or not Healy. I’m quite fond of you and I don’t think my heart could take it if something happened to you. Neither would my brother’s or Hann’s or George’s. We love you a stupid amount you know.”

Matty blinked at you as he took in your words, his brown eyes glossing over before shoving his face into you neck, the grip around your waist becoming impossibly tighter. Your body shaking as his vibrated against yours, soft sobs leaving him as he chanted; “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” Over and over again.

All you could do was hold him closer and reassure him, that he had nothing to be sorry for and you were just looking out for him because anything else, you were afraid it might break you and you’d cry too. As your best friend was breaking his heart and wetting the hoodie you were wearing.

“Don’t apologise for having fun. I just want you to be careful. All I ever want is for you to be okay and sometimes what you do with all those people you don’t know isn’t good for you sweetheart.”

You squeezed him tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. As he mumbled how “I’ll be better, I promise” into your neck, pressing multiple kisses in quick succession to just under the right side of your jaw before settling back into silence where the two of stay for some time.

The soft regular movement of Matty’s thumb rubbing circles on your hip stopped, his hand significantly less colder than they were before he had them up your hoodie, moved across the expanse of your lower back and rolling you over so you were now draped over him instead and tucked into his side. 

“You know sometimes I feel the only time I might get better is when we are together. You ever feel like that?”

It was now your turn to nod silently, a soft hum leaving your mouth as you pressed a quick kiss into his skin as you settled into a slumber.

2017

You had been pottering about your flat most of the morning, doing a deep clean of the place before you were supposed to be heading to meet the boys for Sunday dinner. Your boyfriend of nearly a year Michael, once again opting out of spending time with you and your family, claiming he had better things to be doing that sitting about and listening to the boys talk about what they had been getting up to in the studio again.

Personally you think it was because George let slip last time Michael could actually be bothered to join you all for a drink, that he had slept with you in a drunken ramble, much to the dismay of your boyfriend, your brother and yourself. And Michael didn’t take too fondly to the fact you were still close with George after the confession.

You were in the middle of folding the last bit of the washing that you had dumped on your bed when your phone pinged with a text from Hann.

‘Did you get a letter in the post this week? x’

‘I get a lot of stuff in the post Ads! Off who? x’

‘Matty x’

The moment you saw his name, your heart got stuck in your throat. None of you had heard from him since he he had left, something to do with his recovery. So the thought of contact from him had you dropping your phone on the bed and rushing from your room, shouting at Michael about the post you had received this week. Only receiving a mumble from him about the fire place; had you dashing to the living room, where you rifled through the post sat on top of the mantelpiece. 

There slotted in between this months Rolling Stone subscription and a local take away menu was a white envelope addressed to you. 

A Barbados post mark sitting in the top right corner.

Dropping the rest of the mail on the coffee table, you rushed back to your bedroom, locking the door immediately before sitting at the edge of your bed and taking in Matty’s scrawl of a penmanship. Running your fingers over the ink; your mind flashed back to that day. 

The day you realised he wasn’t okay. 

How completely out of it he was as you watched him at their last festival gig of the iliwys tour cycle. How utterly miserable he looked as he threw himself about the stage, looking just the shadow of the man you knew and loved.

You knew something wasn’t right as you watched from the side of stage with their manager Jamie. George ever the professional, had even broke his concentration bubble to catch your eye several times during their festival set, worry set in his features. 

The way your gentle giant walked straight up to you, stopped in front of you and just by the look in your eyes. Your face never one to hide your emotions. George wrapped his arm around you and without a single word, the pair of you knew you had to speak to the other boys about it. You needed to talk to him.

The night of the intervention. The way he screamed and shouted at you all. He admitted to using but he didn’t do it quietly. The way Ross stepped in front of you in defence when he swore at you. Hann’s hand wrapped tightly around your own, George’s hand squeezing your shoulder in support as your brown eyes glossed over as you took in the man in front of you. He wasn’t your Matty and you hated looking at him like this. 

You didn’t want to look at him at all and it broke your heart.

Slipping your finger into the envelope you finally tore it open, slipping out several pages of paper. You weren’t sure how long you were holding them before you actually unfolded them but it felt like a lifetime of contemplating before you managed to finally take a deep breath and compose yourself enough to read his words.

‘Darling,

As part of my recovery, I’ve been tasked to write a letter to everyone I’ve hurt and yours is the last one I’ve got to write. Not because you mean the least to me. Quite the opposite. Yours has been the hardest to write. Harder than Gabby. My Mam, Dad & Louis & the boys because you mean the absolute world to me. 

This is actually the third time I’ve attempted to write this. Admitting that I’ve hurt you is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You know what I’m like, I’m a stubborn twat at the best of times but I needed to do this because you deserve this apology probably the most.

You’ve never once judged me and the fucked up things I do when I’m on one. Since we were kids you’ve stuck by my side, defended me when I really didn’t deserve it and loved me endlessly from the sidelines and I’ve definitely not deserved your love but you gave me it anyway.

Do you remember that time we were on tour in 2014 and I was fucked up on coke for god knows how many days in a row and you couldn’t even be in the same room as me that day on the bus when I was on that god awful come down on the way to North Carolina?

Yet you still didn’t say no when I selfishly came crawling to your bunk to interrupt your peace and quiet with my tail between my legs, asking to come lie with you. You could have told me to piss off but you didn’t, you let me squish myself into your bunk and your arms and let me sleep off my hangover in your arms without complaining once. I would have complained but you didn’t, you let me and my cold hands snake their way into your personal space like I hadn’t gotten on your last nerve just ten minutes prior. 

I’m quite a selfish person. You my darling are the most selfless person I know and I don’t deserve the good grace you’ve given me time and time again. Especially seeing as I dragged you along for the ride and then you’ve had to babysit me because I can’t control myself when it comes to drugs and showing off because I want everyone to like me.

You could have taken the tough love route, told me I’m a big fuck up and judged me for my drug use and tried to get me to stop (which probably would have have had the opposite effect out of defiance) but you didn’t. You silently kept an eye on me and made sure I didn’t end up killing myself. Until I took it too far.

I’ve seen you look at me with distaste over the years. Yet nothing compares to the way you looked at me that day you guys staged your intervention. I didn’t think you guys had noticed. I thought me and Miss H had this great big secret going on and I didn’t want to let any of you guys in on it because it would ruin what we had.

Yet you know me better than anyone. You and George both just knew that day. Of course you did. You’re my best friends. But you don’t know how happy I am the four of you staged that intervention and told me I needed to get my shit together.

When I think about the way I lashed out at you. The way your big brown eyes that usually sparkle with mischief when we’re with each other, glossed over as you just stood and took it and didn’t even raise your voice at me once. I can feel the lump in my throat tighten as I write this.

I deserved it you know. I deserved whatever fury was bubbling inside you because I was a class A cunt that day! I’m truly surprised Ross didn’t knock my head off and I wouldn’t have blamed him either if he had done!

I’m just so glad you did something because the thought of losing every single one of you shatters my soul so much, I would cease to exist without you.

I could sit here and write down the list of all things I’m sorry for but physically we don’t have the time or enough paper! But you should know that I am.

I’m sorry. 

For everything.

I’m doing okay. The best I’ve been in a long time. The only way being here might get better is if you were here too.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But I’m begging for it because the thought of you hating me and not being able to trust me anymore kills me.

You really an angel on this earth.

I don’t deserve you.

I love you.

Yours Matthew x

p.s I cannot wait to be reunited with your tits! I’ve missed them!

You let out a chortled laugh as you read through the last line of the letter. Your hands quickly making their way to your face as you wiped the tears that were streaming from your face. The cuffs of your hoodie wet from where you’ve tried to stop the flow of tears. Pressing the letter to your chest, you took a few deep breaths to try compose yourself before you left the confinements of your bedroom.

Hurriedly shoving the letter into your handbag, so there was no chance Michael could stumble across your letter. He didn’t like Matty as it was, you didn’t want to give him ammunition to say anything. You grabbed your car keys and rushed out of the house without a word to your boyfriend and heading straight to Hann’s.

2020

You had broken up with Michael.

The red flags should have been there from the start really. He always had less than nice words to say about you and your relationships with the boys. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say in general but you were blinded by love and the man he was when you first met that you didn’t see the red flags being waved right in front of your face until your heart (and self confidence) were already broken.

Your brother didn’t like Michael, he thought there was something off about him from the off but you put it down to Ross doing his job as your big brother but his opinion didn’t waver once in the four years you were together. George never liked how possessive he was and the fact he became even more so and tried to stop you from speaking to him after he found out about your night together. Which just fyi happened three years prior to meeting him, so he (everyone) was flabbergasted as to why he was so bothered! Hann. Your sweet angel of a bestie had even voiced how he didn’t like him and he was never one to be rude which should have also been a clue you were dating a dickhead.

Then there was Matty. Matty hated him. The feelings were mutual. Michael had told you plenty of times over your four years together that he hated your best friend but he would never tell you why. Matty told you it was because ‘he was a twat who didn’t deserve you’. You were obliged to agree because that mother fucker cheated on you!

Multiple women across the last two years of your relationship. 

To say you were stunned was an understatement yet it somehow made sense and fell into place so easily when you thought about it all. Yet that didn’t make it hurt any less. But a friend of yours sending you the evidence whilst you were on the last night of the UK tour was the final nail in the coffin that was your shitty relationship with him.

You weren’t sure who wanted to kill him more. Your brother? Matty? Or George? The three of them were raging amongst one another at their after party which should have been a celebration whilst Hann sat with his arms wrapped around you as you cried to him and Carly. You didn’t think anything would make you feel better apart from getting obliterated with your favourite people and forgetting about Michael and the impending doom that was about to be bestowed upon the entire world.

Matty was your saving grace.

Asked you to move in, without even hesitating. Naturally you said yes, sitting in your flat all by yourself whilst you cried over your douchebag of an ex during lockdown did not sound appealing to you. It was giving ‘Emma Pilssbury crying to Celine Dion in her car from Glee’ and you weren’t quite ready to hit that stage of your breakup depression just yet.

Two weeks turned into two months and then four months of lockdown but quite frankly you had never been happier. Living with Matty again, surprisingly was just as good the second time round if not easier. Except this time you weren’t poor, your kitchen roof wasn’t leaking and there was a 95% less drug taking which made your life a whole lot less stressful.

It was just easy with him. At some point whilst the world stood still, Matty and Tahliah broke up and then it really just was you two; doing your washing, fighting over who’s turn it was to use their club card during the weekly shop at Tesco and raising his (both of your’s) new dog, Mayhem.

The two of you had been getting ready to move into a studio tomorrow with George after four months of just the two of you playing house, the pair of them just itching to get back to work. You were aware that Matty had been writing already but you knew it would be full steam now Notes had been released and you wanted to make use of the time you had left just the two of you.

Only because you knew as soon as you got your hands on George. That was it! Not a chance Matty was getting any attention. You had missed your big friendly giant more than anything and you knew from your FaceTime with him last night whilst you couldn’t sleep that he was more than excited to see you too.

All three of you were sunbathing in the garden. Mayhem by your side as the two of you soaked up some much needed sun. The heatwave the UK was currently in the middle of was doing wonders for your skin. You had been lying in silence for the past thirty minutes, a book covering your face to block out the sun as you tried to read. Matty’s head in your lap as you presumed he was napping when you suddenly felt him turn over in your lap, now on his side and looking up at you.

Lifting the book ever so slightly, so you could peek underneath at him, you cocked an eyebrow as he watched you with a gentle gaze. “Yes?” Your tone rich with sarcasm as you stared back at him. “Anything actually going through that pretty head of yours Healy? What you thinking about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” You laughed. “What about us?”

“You remember my eighteenth birthday?”  He asked; peering up at you with a soft smile.

“The party?” Matty nodded. “I remember Ross stopping me from getting with Max! Remember him? I was gutted!”  You laughed. “Why?”

“You know that’s not what I meant?” Matty frowned slightly as he pouted at you.

“Of course I do.” You put your book down, your hands automatically reaching for what was left of his curls,“What about it?”

“You ever think about it?”

“Sometimes. Think we’ve done a fantastic job at keeping it from my brother! Especially with your big gob!”  You smiled down at him as you ran your hand through his curls gently.

“Funny!”  He sent a glare your way, causing you to laugh loudly at his attempt to be intimidating. 

“What’s got you thinking about that kiss from a million years ago anyway?”

“Wanking material.” He somehow managed to say without cracking smile.

It was your turn to shoot him a glare at his crudeness. It wasn’t long though until he was grinning up at you from his place in your lap. You pushed his head away from you in fake annoyance. God you couldn’t stand him sometimes!

“Ohh come on darling. I hear you sometimes! We all do it, you’ve got to think of something!” Matty tried to lighten the mood.

“Yeah I think about G’s 23rd birthday.” You smirked. Your vibrator was good but it wasn’t George. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a good orgasm and thinking it might have been before Michael makes you want to cry. Your confession/kind of a joke caused the grin to fall from his face and you almost felt bad, knowing he doesn’t want to hear about the incredible night you had with George because if anyone asked him, he absolutely did not want to relive it.

“I’m joking!” Your hand reached for his curls again. “Seriously though, what’s got you reminiscing about it. It’s been a long time.”

“Just thinking about how much I love you is all.” His confession made you stop. “What would have happened if we’d said fuck it and we ended up together.”

“I don’t think Ross would have been too happy. You saw how mad he got about G!”  You laughed nervously as you thought about stopping your brother from knocking his band mate out.

“He’d have gotten over it.” Matty was now leaning up on his arms, leaning forward to press a light kiss to your bikini clad torso before pressing several kisses in quick succession up your stomach until he was hovering over your chest and looking down at your face. “If we were happy, he’d have been happy. You know he would have been.”

His actions made you hold your breath. It being strangely intimate and probably the most intimate you’d been since you were teenagers. You wondered if he was actually going to kiss you again but he just looked down at you fondly.

“You know I’d do anything for you right?”  You nodded. “You’re one of the only people who makes me truly happy.  I’d literally go too far just you have you near. I’d go blind just to see you!”

You rolled your eyes at the dramatics of his statement but the sweet sentiment made you smile, you reached up to hold the side of his face in your hands. Your thumb sweeping over the apple of his left cheek. The pair of you just basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. Unsure how long you hadn’t said anything, Matty broke the silence in the most Matty way.

“Literally anything you need. I’ve got you for life sweetheart. A cuppa? A joint? An orgasm? I’m your man!” 

A chortle left your mouth as he cheekily beamed down at you, waiting for what he knew would be a somewhat sarcastic response. He didn’t realise he’d really set himself up for what you were about to say.

“Don’t worry I’m good. I’m seeing G tomorrow!”

The way his eyes narrowed at you made you cackle even louder as he finally jumped up off you, to walk back inside without another word. “I’m sorry!”  You laughed. “I promise not to shag George when I see him. I’m good with my vibrator I promise!”  You manage to sputter out through your laughter. “Stick the kettle on whilst you’re in there love.”  You shouted after him.

Matty threw you the middle finger over his shoulder which made you laugh even more as he went though the back door, Mayhem hot on his heels; knowing fine well he was going to put the kettle on and make you a brew just how you liked it because for as long as he can remember he’s never been able to say no to you and he didn’t think he’d ever will.

2023

The 1975 in Show and Concert was possibly your favourite tour that you’d been apart of with the boys. There was an accumulative of factors; the fact you weren’t the only girl on tour this time round, Carly had joined Adam with their son and Charli had come to as many shows as her own schedule permitted. You also had a little part to play at Matthew’s request (obviously!) donned in a white lab coat, you brought Matty a hot honey and lemon on stage every night and pottered about with the rest of the crew, making sure your brother and the rest of the band were all good before slipping off to watch the rest of the show from backstage.

Or it could have been that you and Matty were closer than ever. Ever since lockdown and the pair of you had been living together, everything seemed so simple that since restrictions were lifted, you just carried on living together. I think when George removed the last box of things from your old flat to take to Matty’s did it for him, that he just shook his head with a laugh. 

“You guys really are an old married couple!” He chuckled; slamming the boot close and jumping in the car before you could get a word in edgeways.

He wasn’t wrong, you guys did essentially everything together apart from have sex. Not that you hadn’t thought about it. Somewhere between moving into the studio with him and George and then your brother and Hann joining them to start recording their fifth studio album. You hadn’t shagged anyone in over a year and there was only so many times you could use your vibrator before you got bored and there wasn’t a cat’s chance in hell you were ordering a new toy to the studio because Matty didn’t have boundaries and absolutely would have opened it before you could even get the chance to get your hands on it.

You had also promised after day one; after one too many jokes and essentially mounting George at any given moment just to have him near you that you wouldn’t sleep with him. Even though a repeat of his birthday from seven years prior was literally so so temping to you! So what the hell were you going to do? The thought of dating apps made you want to vomit and hanging about bars really didn’t seem that appealing.

But Matty being Matty; was being overly affectionate one night after one too many glasses of red after a show, had the two of you giggling like teenagers and wondering if the two of you had gotten better at kissing since Matty’s 18th. Curiosity getting the better of the both of you, had you surging towards one another in a flurry of horniness after the kiss, was how you found yourself straddling his lap and snogging him like your life depended on it! Until you physically had to pull away to get your breath back and a rush of sense flashed through your brain. The two of you went to bed separately.

Neither of you spoke about it again.

Nor did you ever think about how the two of you were always drawn to each other no matter what shit storm was going on around you until now. You were just tying up the end of the UK leg of the tour, you and the band were in Ireland and Jamie had just told you that *The Scum* were running a horrendous article about Matty. This had in turn resulted in an argument after their penultimate show between the boys. 

You knew he did things in the heat of the moment whilst he’s on stage or says shit without thinking and it comes to bite him in the arse almost every time but he’d never do what they’re accusing him of on purpose.

But seeing your brother hurt by Matty’s stupid actions; the repercussions for not just himself but for the rest of the band, your brother, yourself just by association. It was enough for you to step in, in defence of your brother. He came before everyone else, every single time.

This you didn’t realise; had as big of an effect until you were stood frozen on stage in front of your brother, Matty in between you and Ross. Apologising to him, crying in front of thousands of people. How Ross hadn’t broke the facade and took him in his arms was beyond you because your brother’s face was currently blurry to you and he was stood a foot in front of you. Tears filled your brown eyes and were threatening to spill as Matty let his vulnerable side show in front of everyone. Something he never does.

You had done so well until he apologised once more; removing his hand from Ross’s arm and reaching behind him blindly to grab on to you. The tears automatically fell; the action enough to make Ross twitch in an ache to comfort you. Something he couldn’t do until the band had come off stage at the end of consumption.

After the final song of tour; the boys usually head on out for the after party. Tonight you had Matty back at the hotel in your room on his knees and begging for you. 

Begging for you to not leave him. Begging for you not to move out. Begging for you to stay by his side. Begging for you to still love him.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you looked down at the man in front of you; on his knees as his hands grasped at your legs, pulling you close as he hugged you as physically close as possible as he sobbed against your legs. Instinctively you reached for his curls, running your fingers through them softly.

“Baby. Look at me.” The softness of his curls tickled your thighs as he stayed pressed against you. “Matthew. Darling look at me.” 

You managed to loosen his grip enough to slide down on to your knees in front of him, taking a hold of his face in your hands as you eyes flitted across his face, smiling softly at him as he tried to calm himself down.

“I can’t lose you. I can’t lose any of you.” He shook his head, curls flying in front of his face. “But I can’t lose you darling. I can’t.”

“Matthew. Look at me. Why do you think you’re going to lose me? You’re never going to lose me. You’re kinda stuck with me!” You laughed. “And even if I decided to fuck off, my brother being your bassist kind of means I’m stuck with you anyway.” The grip on his face got tighter as his hands reached up to hold on to your wrists.

“But last night…”

“Ross and I just want you to use your brain sometimes before you do stupid shit! You’ve not lost either of us. I promise.”

“Promise?”

Your heart jumped into your throat at the swell of tears in his eyes and his lip quiver.

“Life. That’s how long you’ve got me for Healy. Promise.” As soon as you stopped speaking; Matty threw himself at you, arms around your neck and squeezing you so tightly you nearly stopped breathing. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” Being repeated in your ear over and over as you squeezed him back, pressing your lips to the side of his face in consecutive kisses until he abruptly pulled away. Eyes red and looking at you so softly you thought he was going to cry again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You know I do.” You smiled at him warmly.

“No. It’s always been you.” He said as he reached for your hands and it felt like you had been hit in the chest. The sting of tears trickling up your face and threatening to fill your eyes as you silently took him in. You went to open your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know I always talk too much but just listen to me. I love you. Since we were kids I reckon, I was just too chicken to ever do anything.  When you kissed me on my 18th birthday. When you saw I needed help,  you saved my life sending me to rehab. Every day, I thought about getting home to you.  It’s what got me through every day. You make me a better man darling. When you take my shit when I don’t deserve it. When you make me a brew in the morning just how I like it. When you roll me a joint when you realise I’m too tense and in my head without me even having to ask. When you tell me to shut the fuck up before a situation escalates. When we go to big Tesco and walk the dog or do all the washing together. I fucking live for that shit because it’s with you. Fuck I’ve been writing songs about you for the past decade! You are intertwined with every era of this band sweetheart. I mean 60% of the last album is about you! ” He chuckled softly.

“What?” Managed to escape you in a gasp.

“Come on sweetheart. Some of this music has literally been out for ten years!”

“I - Just never - Why have you never said anything before now?” Your voice horse with frustration.

“I love your brother too much. But thinking I’d lost the two of you, just made me think fuck it. You deserve to know. You need to know.” Matty shrugged casually.

“That’s stupid.” Your deadpan tone, stunning him silent.

“Sorry?”

“Wasn’t it you that said to me that if Ross knew I was happy. That we were happy he wouldn’t care. He’d have gotten over it? And you’ve just subliminally been telling me you love me through music this entire time?”

“Yes?” 

You cocked an eyebrow at his hesitation, the questioning tone as your eyes flit across his handsome features. Cheeks tinged with pink due to his tears, his chest falling up and down rapidly at his confession as he awaited you answer. You still didn’t say anything, thinking about how to respond until you found the perfect response.

Surging forward you pushed your lips against Matty’s. Hands reaching for the curls you loved so much. Waiting for him to reciprocate felt like a life time but your Matthew was well equipped in the art of kissing you back so realistically it was 0.2 seconds after he had gotten over the shock.

You kissed him over and over again, not wanting to stop the feeling of how your lips moved against his, how his tongue felt against yours. You felt like you were on fire, he was intoxicating. He always was but fuck was he more than ever. Finally finding the strength to untangle yourself from him, chests heaving as you both got oxygen back in your lungs you said the words, the way he’d been wishing to hear for the past sixteen years.

“I love you too.”

When he was finally seen in public two days later on the eve of their Gorilla gig in Manchester. The fans noticed Matty was in higher spirits than he had been two days prior when his breakdown was caught on camera. You had been nervous to tell your brother but Ross claimed he already knew Matty was in love with you, he was just waiting to see if he’d actually grow some balls or not! Then he hugged you so tightly and whispered he was happy for the both of you, which in turn had you and Matty crying backstage in their green room as you found yourself in a 1975 sandwich! 

You don’t think you had seen Matty look so happy on stage in a long time. He loved touring but it was gruelling but seeing him on stage in this tiny venue with his best friends and his girl watching and waiting for him side stage. He couldn’t stop beaming. The fans noticed, the comments already flying in online about him. They increased tenfold when he jumped offstage, not waiting the ten second walk backstage before kissing you like his life depended on it.

The blurry picture of Matty holding your jaw in his hands as he kissed you in the shadows of the stage was on a 1975 update account within minutes.

Captioned: If you know you know. Finally 🖤

You were obliged to agree.

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

My knowledge of the books isn't as great, so I hope you don't mind this question. Where was Eomer during the First Battle at the Fords? Did he arrive in time to find Theodred's dead body? Was he there at all? Thank you so much!

I absolutely don’t mind, and I understand why this is something that’s not clear! The full timeline isn’t obvious even from the LOTR books — you have to supplement what we know about Éomer from Two Towers with info from Unfinished Tales, which has the only account of the battle where Théodred was killed. But the short answer is that Éomer was dealing with business elsewhere so he wasn’t part of the fighting at the Isen, and he never saw Théodred’s body — only his grave after the fact. Here’s the long answer:

In late February, Théodred was in the Westfold, which was his territory as 2nd Marshal. Scouts alerted him to troops from Isengard preparing to invade from the west. Acting on his own authority — because his dad was Not Well — he went to meet the challenge with Grimbold and their men and also sent a summons to Elfhelm in Edoras asking that he come with relief troops of his own. We don’t know *exactly* what Éomer was doing right then, but he was 3rd Marshal and his jurisdiction was the East-mark. So he had his own stuff going on, and the bulk of his men would be further away from the Isen than Elfhelm and his men were, so Elfhelm was a more natural relief choice.

The First Battle of the Fords of Isen happened on Feb. 25th, and Théodred was killed that night.   We’re not told what day he was buried, but we do know that his grave was there, with his banner flying above it, when the Second Battle of the Fords began on March 2nd. So somewhere in between, Elfhelm and Grimbold buried Théodred at the Fords, right where he died. That means this image from the movies, while lovely and moving, is non-canonical — Théodred never got back to Edoras and wasn’t buried there:

News of Théodred’s death came first to Erkenbrand at Helm’s Deep on Feb. 26th, and Erkenbrand sent word on to Edoras. That messenger didn’t make it to Edoras until midday on the 27th, which is the same day Éomer set out to track down the band of orcs (those carrying Merry and Pip, it turns out) that had just been reported in the east. There is some ambiguity as to whether Éomer heard the news of Théodred’s death before he left or not, but he indisputably spent the next few days engrossed in other urgent stuff that would have kept him from grieving or visiting the grave — he had to go track down and slay those orcs; he ran into Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli in the plains and had to decide whether to let them go; and then, when he got back to Edoras, he got thrown in jail for having acted without orders and for letting those foreigners run free in Rohan. He didn’t get out of jail until March 2nd, when Gandalf healed Théoden, and then they were off straight away to Helm’s Deep.

It’s not until after victory has been achieved at Helm’s Deep and all our heroes are on the road to confront Saruman that they pass by the Isen and take notice of the graves that are there. It’s a bit of a sore point for me that NO ONE mentions that Théodred is among the dead (😵😖🤯), but at least Éomer is thinking of him because he is the one to mention the murder of Théodred among Saruman’s biggest crimes when Saruman is trying to sweet talk his way back into Théoden’s good graces once they get to Isengard (“Remember Théodred at the Fords and the grave of Háma in Helm’s Deep!”).

Anywho, obviously the movies chose to mix up the timelines and events a bit for their own dramatic purposes, since they have Éomer arriving at the tail end of the fighting at the Fords, finding Théodred still alive, and bringing him back to Edoras before his death and funeral. It’s a substantial change from the books, but I do really like that they found a way to put Théodred in the movies and to give proper weight and notice to his death! And thanks for the question, I hope the answer was helpful!

[its-vannah]

Angel of my Eyes | Graham Dunne x Reader

Request from anonymous: gasps NFWMB by Hozier and a graham x reader fic inspired by it falls to knees. reader brings out the better in him and it feels like only the two of them in the world

Warnings: Profanities

Daisy Jones and The Six Masterlist

Eddie: So much happened when we moved to LA. The band started getting bigger, we got our own house... We were on top of the world.

Graham: Even if we never went anywhere in LA—if the label hadn't picked us up or we hadn't gone on tour—it wouldn't have been for nothing. I mean, I met my wife in LA.

There were times when Graham missed the feeling of being back home in Hazelwood. While LA was his home now, a part of him longed to go back to his childhood bedroom and just keep dreaming. Keep dreaming about the band getting bigger; only waking up to the smell of his mom's cooking.

But he was an adult now and he had made his choice. He never really regretted moving to the west coast, he just missed the feeling of home.

He was in the middle of creating a new riff to suggest to Billy when they practiced later when he saw a bright yellow bike cruising down the road. It stood out against the rundown house across the street and the vast amount of trees.

What caught his attention even more was the woman on the bike. With an orange headband holding back her hair from getting caught in her face, sunglasses perched on her nose—a permanent smile plastered to her face as she peddaled. She looked like an angel.

As soon as she was out of his view, Graham raced to his desk, shuffling through the drawer until he found a pen and piece of paper. With you on his mind, he started writing.

Graham: I wrote "Angel in my Eyes" in under an hour. But when I pitched the idea to Billy, he shut it down; told me the song was shit. I sold it a few weeks later and it climbed the charts to number two.

Billy: I always hated that damn song.

Graham: I waited weeks to see her again, but I never saw her riding by our street. I had almost given up hope. I'm glad I didn't.

Graham was on his way to the grocery store to grab any odds and ends he needed around the house. That's when he saw it: a bright yellow bike chained to a bike rack.

Graham: I must've waited outside by her bike for a half hour before she came outside. Looking back on it, I probably looked like some sort of creep.

Y/N Dunne, wife of Graham Dunne: I was walking back to my bike when I see a grown man sitting on the ground by my bike. My first instinct was to go back inside, but something in me decided against it.

Graham: I don't think she saw me at first, cause she was just humming a song. But it wasn't any song, it was my song.

"Can I help you with something?" You asked, holding two bags of groceries in your hands.

His eyes widened, scrambling to get up off the ground, "That song—that song you were humming—"

"'Angel in my Eyes'?"

"I wrote that song."

You forced a smile on your face, unsure of whether you should believe him, "Congratulations."

"About you, I wrote that song about you."

You paused, "We've never met before."

"This bike," He gestured to the bright yellow bicycle behind him, "I saw you riding it down my street—it inspired me to write the song."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?"

His chest was heaving now as he rambled, "You were wearing an orange scarf to tie your hair back, sunglasses, a white blouse, and jean shorts."

"And my shoes?"

He hesitated, suddenly flustered, "I—"

"I'm just messing with you, Graham."

His eyes widened, "You know my name?"

"Everyone in the United States knows your name."

"So you believe me?" He asked, "That I wrote that song about you?"

You shrugged, "You can tell me more about it over dinner."

"Over dinner?"

"Well, you do think I'm an angel who fell from heaven," You teased, "That is how the song goes, right?

Graham nodded eagerly, "What time are you free?"

Y/N: If he hadn't been a well-known, respected musician in LA, I would've turned him down. I mean, usually when people stand outside waiting for you despite having never met you, you run in the other direction. But he was different.

Graham: I still can't believe she agreed to it.

Y/N: He was so wound up, he didn't even ask me my name until our first date.

Graham: I just called her "Angel" until she pulled out her license and showed it to me.

Y/N: I figured it gave him a basic run down of everything about me. My name, my last name, eye color, birthday, height. That way, we could skip that part of the conversation and move on to something else.

Graham: It took me a minute to realize what she was doing.

Y/N: It takes him a minute with certain things, but it was kind of endearing.

You met the band a week or so after your first date. After that night, Graham swore up and down he was going to marry you.

To his delight, you got a long with everyone great—even Billy.

Y/N: Billy wasn't easy to get along with, but I knew that if Graham and I were going to last, we had to be cordial to each other.

Billy: She meant a lot to Graham, still does. I didn't want to ruin that for him.

Graham: It was rare for my brother to get along with anyone, especially outside of the band.

Karen: Y/N was—and still is—the best thing that ever happened to him. He started standing up for himself during rehearsals. Billy used to just tell him what to do and he'd do it, but Y/N encouraged him to speak his mind.

Eddie: God, Y/N really was an angel. Graham wasn't such a pushover for Billy anymore, it was fucking great.

Y/N: He had so many ideas that were shut down because they weren't Billy's. I told him that if he wanted to be taken seriously, he needed to take a stand. To my surprise, he did.

Graham: Once you have a girl like Y/N, you don't let her go.

Weeks passed by that turned into months. Through it all, you were by Graham's side, supporting him in any way you could.

You took time off of work to go to a few of their concerts out of state. You were witness to the end of Daisy Jones and The Six.

Y/N: When you watch someone pour their heart and soul into something their passionate about—and it ends—it breaks your heart.

Graham: I don't know that I would've gotten through it like I did if it hadn't been for Y/N. I would've gotten down on my hands and knees and begged everyone to stay together. But I accepted it.

Y/N: I was proud of him.

Graham: She made me a better person.

Graham proposed to you a month after the band split up. You said yes before he even got out the full question.

When the wedding rolled around, he decided to invite everyone from the band. Everyone showed up except for Daisy. Eddie just made sure to keep his distance from Billy to avoid any fights.

Y/N: I remember our wedding like it was yesterday.

Graham: It seems like a lifetime ago. We've been married for half my life—I really don't know how to live without her.

Y/N: During the vows, he quoted a few lyrics from "Angel of my Eyes". I had to hold myself together.

Graham: I could've talked about her for hours, but if I did, the ceremony never would've ended.

Y/N: I'll never forget the lines he said, "You're the angel of my eyes, and I'm the devil in disguise/I gave you my heart, you gave me the world/My angel, where have you been all of my life"

Graham: She still tears up about it to this day, nineteen years later.

Y/N: How could I not?

Graham: Every song I wrote from then on was about her. I owed her everything—she made me who I am.

Y/N: When he looks at me, I feel like I'm the only other person in the world.

Graham: It feels like we're the only people in the world.

Warren: It was awkward as hell watching them eyefuck each other whenever they were together. Get a room, damn.

[byebyassociation]

Cahara the Skank (Character analysis)

Tw: The topics of 1500s prostitution, violent rape and suicide ideation

Text version under cut:

Cahara as a protagonist

“Cahara of the South… He originates from the Eastern Sanctuaries. A bastard child left on his own at a very young age. Somehow this poor soul found his way to these dungeons…”

Cahara grew up under unfortunate circumstances, as he was abandoned in Jettiah he had to learn nothing in life came easy or freely

He had three choices to be a pickpocket, burglar, Or lead an honest life

But this choice means little past starting skill/item. No matter what Cahara becomes a mercenary.

“As you grew older you took part in various mercenary armies and learned the dirtiest tricks to stay alive. You were taken in by a notorious veteran highwayman and you joined his little band of criminals and ex-soldiers.”

Instead his first real life choice is if he will stay beside his first real allies or ditch them for his life.

They do not join him in the dungeons if they live

“During one of your many raids, your brigade got ambushed. The odds were seriously against you. You could have just abandoned your comrades and kept you life, or you could have fought to your last breath...”

He didn’t have to take this mission, however his mental narration states as if he does: shoving down fear for the money.

“Something is clearly not right about this mission and you have felt nausea since the the moment you agreed on the job. But you are short on silver and the reward is all that matters in the end.”

Really, he shoved his own feelings down for Celeste

"Celeste, you're still doing this job with the little one on the way and all?!"

Cahara is not opposed to Celeste’s sex work, instead he is opposed to the men who want her due to her pregnancy

"If anything, I feel like there're more gentlemen folks asking for my services these days."

"This isn't right. I don't like it."

"Girl's gotta eat and now I got the little one to feed as well”

"I'm a man. I should take care of you two."

“I’m leaving tomorrow if— no when I get back things will change. You just wait and see!"

He doesn’t tell her what to do, only stating what he himself can do for her

Sadly, he either already had a sense this could be his end or didn’t even let himself think this would be the last time he spoke to or saw Celeste in the flesh

"Just promise you do come back."

He knocked her up in a brothel and contracted syphilis.

“You also get an itch in your groin area...”

Unfortunately a sign of the sorts of people who’d pay for her services without care for her body.

After at least speaking with Celeste he fully made up his mind. He wouldn’t come back without the cash.

“But didn’t he like it?”

Cahara as an NPC

"Oh hey."

"You got me out of here!"

Upon meeting Cahara in the prisons of the dungeons, he is quick to join your party after a short conversation

[You ask him] “What are you doing here?"

[He answers] "Wwell...”

“I do have a mission here, but let's save that story for another day, yeah?"

Regardless of your questioning, he speaks quite anxiously. Stuttering or going silent in an out of character sequence

[You ask him] "Why were you imprisoned here?"

[He answers] "I was caught by one of those malformed prison guards”

“Your conversation took an awkward turn for some reason...”

Prison guards are shown to be sexually violent to those they have access to. Both in their dialogue, their attacks and how defeat by them causes incurable hemorrhaging from sexual injuries.

Cahara does not show signs of this hemorrhaging, however D’arce doesn’t have a concussion either despite nearly having her skull caved in. Both lack status effects for the sake of balance.

When Cahara robs you he has a preference for stealing healing items

This may be his attempt to patch himself up as there is no canon cure for internal bleeding.

[D’arce’s prison dialogue says] "Le'garde... You were supposed to be here…”

When in the prisons most characters bring up your common mission. D’arce, Ragnvaldr and even Enki bring this point up

Cahara breaks this formula

[Cahara’s prison dialogue says] "Tell me... Did the guards ever capture you here?"

He wants to know if he was the only one. He wants to know if there was anything he could’ve done. He’s seeking solidarity. He’s seeking kinship

"Don't let the dungeon have it's way with you. Bye."

"Talk about traumatizing events... Sheesh…”

"This place is starting to get into my head...”

Does this sound like the words of someone unaffected by the dungeons? He is nonchalant but he is not well. In fact that last line is repeated 11 times. He has 18 unique dialogue lines in party talks, none of his dialogue or anyone else’s appears nearly as many times repeatedly.

He’s gone into shutdown, in the upper areas and especially the prisons and areas around it he just cannot hold up. Mentally he cannot juggle his need to keep moving forward and process what happened. 

This leaves his mind to go entirely unfiltered when he is in a space where he can think. Suicide ideation and turning to sex for comfort being his two major callings in this state. Sometimes even mashing together through his willingness to marry a marriage, a very literally dangerous form of sex.

"Hahaha, this is too good"

"Dying down here is most likely the easiest way to go!"

'I'm starting to feel like death would be the easiest option."

“Cahara seems really enthusiastic.”

"Just don't destroy my anus with those big muscles of yours, okay?"

"Ehh, well that's a freaky suggestion, but fine."

[stayteezdreams]

First Dates with Ateez (Maknae Line)

Headcanons: First dates with Ateez maknae line

(Hyung Line Version)

Pairing: Choi San x Reader; Song Mingi x Reader; Jung Wooyoung x Reader; Choi Jongho x Reader - All Gn!Reader

Warnings: A brief kiss in Wooyoung's

San (dinner and a show)

I feel like San would go with the classic for a first date, but would add personal touches too it.

So for the dinner, he would book something small and private, with food he knew you would enjoy.

There was no bustling atmosphere, and it wasn't super formal.

It was comfortable, but not too casual.

You recommended food to each other and ended up sharing various dishes.

San never let there be a moment of awkward silence, but even if he didn't try, you knew there would be none.

You were comfortable enough around him by now, that there was no need to fill the silence.

But you knew it was because San was nervous, and wanted to make sure you had a good time and that only made you like him more.

He told you you were going to a show after dinner, but he would not tell you what it was exactly.

When he mentioned it, he had a small knowing smile, that made you both excited and nervous.

San ended up getting you tickets to one of your favorite shows (band/theater/concert/your choice).

You were shocked when you showed up at the venue.

"But the tickets were sold out so quickly, how?!"

" I knew you were so excited to see them, but worked the day the tickets came out, so I tried my best to get some, and managed to get two."

You got so giddy and excited, San felt his heart flutter and he couldn't stop grinning at you.

He wished he had this moment on video so he could replay it a thousand times.

During the show, though San enjoyed it a lot, he couldn't stop himself from looking at you to see how you were enjoying it.

Every time he caught the smile on your face, he felt butterflies, and could barely force himself to look away.

At one point, he risked slipping his hand into yours, and when you looked over at him and smiled, he felt his heart beat so hard it almost hurt.

After the show, you excitedly talked about all your favorite parts and San listening with an adoring smile.

You apologized for rambling, but he quickly shook his head "Don't apologize, I love seeing you like this."

You smiled shyly "Well it's because of you, so thank you San."

"You're welcome Y/n."

You'd kiss him on the cheek when you said goodnight, and he wasn't able to stop grinning every time he thought about it.

-

Mingi (bowling)

When Mingi asked you on a date, it was a spur of the moment thing.

"Let's go on a date!"

"Wha- now?"

"Yeah!"

But once you agreed, he kind of panicked. And the first thing that came to mind, was bowling.

He had no idea if you liked bowling, so when he suggested it, he was uncertain.

But you smiled and nodded your head, excited to do it.

He was relieved, but felt kind of stupid, as he should have given himself more time to plan something.

You were kind of glad it was a spur of the moment thing though, as it didn't give you long enough to get in your head about it beforehand.

Nonetheless, you had fun. You were fairly equally matched in your skills, so it quickly became competitive.

Mingi smiled at you "If I win you have to buy us food afterwards."

"Deal"

"What do you get if you win?"

"I'll tell you when I do." You's say cheekily, and he grinned.

After a close game, you ended up winning by about ten points.

Mingi wasn't too fussed about it, but was curious what you wanted since you won.

When he asked you smiled up at him, somewhat shyly, and he felt his stomach fill with butterflies.

"You have to take me out on another date soon."

Mingi grinned and stepped a bit closer, looking own at you "But I already wanted to do that."

You smiled, repressing a giggle "Good."

"How about I buy s food, and I take you out again?"

You nodded in agreement, and he felt so giddy he almost couldn't contain it. (You could tell and you found it adorable)

When you left to go get some food, Mingi held your hand, and it was your turn to feel giddy.

Whenever he got the chance for the rest of the time you were together, his hand engulfed yours. Only letting go if he had too (and sometimes even then he tried his best not too)

Your next date with Mingi, was much more planned out, and lasted longer (spoiler, it involved go-cart racing at one point, and you won again)

-

Wooyoung (amusement park)

Wooyoung wanted your first date to be memorable and fun, so he took you to an amusement park.

He held your hand as soon as you entered the park, as you talked about what you should do first.

You decided on rides, games and then food.

Wooyoung convinced you to go on the more intense/scary rides, solely because he wanted you to hold onto him when you were scared (even if he was too).

He purposefully avoided the ferris wheel, because he wanted to save that for the end of the night *wink*wink*

With almost every ride ridden, you and Wooyoung made your way to the game stalls.

Wooyoung tried his best to win each game, losing each time.

He whined about them being rigged, and you just chuckled.

"I wanted to win you something" he'd say with a pout.

You looped your arm through his "Just buy me some cotton candy."

He smiled softly at you, before he nodded with excitement and lead you towards the food stalls.

He got you the biggest cotton candy they offered (and he ended up eating most of it too)

Before you sat down and ate a bunch of food.

Wooyoung insisted on trying the games again, and you didn't argue, as you found it endearing that he wanted to win you something.

After the third attempt at a game, he finally won a large stuffed bear for you.

"I told you I'd win you something!"

"Yes you did!" You laughed as you looked at the bear "I think I'll name it Woo."

He'd chuckle and blush at this, as you laughed softly at his reaction.

Knowing it was getting late, he took your hand in his "There's one more thing I want to do."

You let him drag you through the park, and into the line for the ferris wheel.

Your heart was racing, knowing Wooyoung well enough to know his plan.

You sat in the ferris wheel cart, your bear fastened safely across from you and Wooyoung, as he rested his arm across your shoulders.

You looked out at the city lights, as they lit up the darkness.

And when you got to the top, and the cart stopped, you felt Wooyoung look at your profile, his eyes grazing over your features.

Meeting his eyes he grinned at you, a light red tint to his cheeks, you could just see in the dimly lit cart.

His face was close to yours as he smiled, his eyes glancing between your eyes and lips, before he finally spoke, in a soft whisper "Can I kiss you?"

You nodded and whispered a soft "Yes" just loud enough for him to hear.

Slowly he leaned forward and kissed you. Your first kiss, and far from your last.

-

Jongho (botanical garden and cafe)

Jongho thought of a dozen things he could do for your first date, but he wanted to make sure it was something you'd actually want to do.

So when he picked you up, he asked if you would enjoy going to the botanical garden.

When you smiled brightly and nodded your head, he felt relieved that he picked the right thing.

When you got to the garden, you lucked out with a beautiful day (and you were glad you wore good walking shoes)

You walked around the garden together, and there was definitely a romantic tension between the two of you.

He stayed close to your side, so your arms were constantly touching.

Your hands brushed on multiple occasions, and you caught Jongho blushing and smiling to himself when you looped your arm though his as you walked across a bridge.

The two of you took cute photos together, and you bought plants for yourself and one for Jongho, to take care of and to remind you of your first date (you both kept them alive for years)

After you left the garden, Jongho took you to this cute cafe nearby.

He bought you a drink and some pastries to share, as you two continued to talk, never seeming to run out of things to talk about.

Jongho thought your date would only last a few hours, but you ended up spending the whole day together, walking around after you ate at the cafe.

You ended up eating dinner together as well, before he finally took you home.

When you got to your door, you could tell Jongho wanted to kiss you (by the way his eyes kept glancing to your lips) but it was obvious he wasn't sure if he should.

You decided to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, to help relax his nerves a bit.

He smiled shyly before he took your hand in his and told you how much he enjoyed your date.

You returned the feelings, and he asked if he could take you out again soon.

You said yes (obviously; and that was also when you had your first kiss)

xx

[coneyislandbabey]

masterlist -> coneyislandbabey

EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT ! I'll do my best to keep this up to date lol

EDDIE ROUNDTREE !

going to california. : you move to Los Angeles, and are surprised to run into an old childhood friend. [3.3k] well, my boyfriend's in a band.: nobody thinks the thing between you and Eddie can be as pure and real as you say it is. [1.3k] butterflies and zebras (and moonbeams and fairy tales).: You and Eddie have a daughter. The first weeks of her life growing up in the house with you both and the band. [3.1k] Beast of Burden series: the push and pull between you and Eddie Roundtree was never-ending. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, you always came back together. -> (i'll never be) your beast of burden.: part one. Pittsburgh, 1967. [2.6k] -> my back is broad, but it's a-hurtin'.: part two. Pittsburgh, 1969. [2.1k] -> you keep on tellin' me i ain't your kinda man. : part three. Baltimore, 1970. [2.8k] -> i don't need no beast of burden. : part four. On the road, 1971. [3.8k] -> (put me out, put me out) put me out of misery.: part five. Los Angeles, 1973. [1.7k] -> all your sickness, i can suck it up.: part six. Los Angeles, 1974. [1.5k]

GRAHAM DUNNE !

testing his patience. : Graham finds his voice defending you after Billy takes his anger out on you during a recording session. [2.2k] the boys are back in town.: The Six are back in Pittsburgh during the Numbers tour, and Graham runs into his high school crush. [6.8k] i only have eyes for you.: You bit Graham at preschool when you were three years old. The rest, they say, is history. [3.5k]

WARREN ROJAS !

crossed wires.: a night of complicated feelings and jealousy lead to a revelation between you and Warren. [1.5k] she's got a strange magic.: Warren is usually cool and confident, but there's something about you that makes him completely nervous. He's desperate to ask you out, and he's desperate to get it right. [1.3k] i'd have you anytime.: You don't expect something to bloom between you and the drummer of your brothers' band, and when it does, the two of you try (and fail) to keep it a secret. [5.1k] she's a rainbow.: Warren's got it bad for Camila's childhood best friend. [2k] still raining, still dreaming.: It's a rare day off, and you and Warren spend it being lazy together in bed. [1.3k] so hot you're hurting my feelings.: your seemingly innocuous wardrobe choice makes Warren lose his mind. [1.7k] time to play b-sides.: you and warren pick up the pieces after the band falls apart. [1.1k] Mariposaverse fics: (these are not listed or written in any particular chronological order and can be read in any way after the first one) i'm with you.: You and Warren are friends with benefits. And then you find out you're pregnant. [3k] my mariposa. : a little domestic snapshot of you and Warren as new parents. [1.3k] butterfly wings.: It's your and Warren's daughter, Mariposa's first halloween. [1.1k] light of the love that i found.: Yours and Warren's wedding. [2.3k] the pick-me-up.: Life has been wearing you and Warren down lately, but Mariposa saying her first word really brings up your spirits. [1.1k] don't cry my sweet, don't break my heart.: Warren being a good dad and having a little crisis about his little girl growing up. [1.5k] Camp Wawayanda Lake: summer camp au. prank war and men super short shorts. What else do you need? -> prologue; bug spray and bonfires and booze.: You arrive at camp and reunite with old friends. There’s a drunken bonfire, and Warren is suddenly, distractingly beautiful. [2k] -> one; a study in lake water and forest princesses.:  It’s the first day of camp and Billy does something stupid that sets Daisy on a summer-long path toward revenge. [3.6k]

KAREN SIRKO !

high by the beach. : The feelings that grow between you and Karen Sirko seem to be the easiest thing in the world. [2k] with a girl like you.: You first cross paths with Karen Sirko when your band is recording your first album. After the fact, you can't get her out of your head; turns out, Karen's been feeling the same way. [1.5k]

[smoooothoperator]

What A Shame

05: The Winner Takes It All

Driver! Charles Leclerc x Singer! OC (Juliette Morelli)

Exes to Lovers, Forced Proximity, Childhood Sweathearts

Summary: things are starting to calm down? or is it just the calm before the storm?

Words: 3.1k

warnings: Charles being a lost puppy, Juliette being Meryl Streep for some secons (if you understood the reference tell me), flashbacks are on italics

Official Playlist

Masterlist

previous part | next part

a/n: hey! you just got a free chapter today because is frstive where I live so that means no classes yay!

Every interaction is very welcomed!!!!

🏎️

I walked out of her room. I had a chance to talk with her, but that didn't go how I wanted.

Just when I thought that we were on the same page, talking about my regrets and that I still love her, she just pushed me away.

"What did I do wrong?" I frowned looking at the ground.

I walked through the corridors going outside towards the garden, needing time alone to think. For a moment I saw my Juliette, the one that used to place a band on my thigh and calmed me immediately. The one that smiled and all worries disappeared. For some minutes I had that woman back with me.

But it was just an illusion.

Julitte Morelli is no longer the little girl I fell in love with, she's no longer the next door neighbors' daughter that came to the same school I was, she's no longer the girl that came to cheer for me during all the karting races.

She's a different woman that had matured because I broke her heart. And I'll never forgive myself for doing that.

"Thank God you woke up in time" Carlos said walking towards me. "Pierre was searching you"

I turned around and looked at him. I don't know what shocked him the most, how red were my eyes trying to hold the tears or that I was a functional man after drinking god knows how many glasses of whiskey last night.

"Mate, are you alright?" he frowned, walking closer to me.

"I talked with her" I said, taking a deep breath, smiling weakly. "And… God. I just hurt her so much"

Carlos looked at me and his gaze changed. Again, he's looking at me trying to show his big brother instinct.

"At least now you know it" he sighed.

"No, no… You don't understand" I said shaking my head. "I read her notebook, her lyrics, her poems… She said she had a lover but in that notebook the only name there was mine"

"Well, good for her that she had a lover! She deserved it just after you fucked up everything" he frowned looking at me confused.

"She still loves me" I said. "She… God, how can someone like her, after everything I did… How can someone like her love me?"

I was questioning everything. Every choice I made came to my mind as a list.

The first contract with Ferrari. Sure, it was my dream. I was the second driver but I had Sebastian Vettel as my teammate. The best mentor I could even imagine.

Then Anthoine died. I fought hard that weekend to make him proud, even if that meant no sleep and study every previous race I could. That meant not sleeping with her in bed. First bad decision.

Then Ferrari showed me the contract of the first driver. Everything I ever wanted was in front of my eyes. Wrong, it was something I dreamed about and I promised her to accomplish it with her next to me. Second bad decision.

Being the first driver meant being a leader, fighting hard. I needed to spend more time on the simulator and on the headquarters, away from home and barely going to see my family and my girlfriend. Third bad decision.

I signed for more seasons with Ferrari, rejecting all the contracts other teams showed me promising things and warning me. I didn't believe their words, I defended my team with all my heart. Fourth bad decision.

I never leaned on her anymore, I got distanced and locked myself in the simulator room and did everything Ferrari told me to do. She showed me support and I never appreciated it. Fifth and worst decision.

But the worst decision I took was pushing her away, breaking her heart just because Mattia told me to do that. The worst decision I made was choosing Ferrari over her. Choosing a team that tortured me instead of a person that loved me.

"She hates me, Carlos" I sighed. "And she has every right to do that. I promised her so many things and broke all the promises"

"For example?" he asked me, leading me to sit on a bench that had views to the vineyard.

"That I would never push her away, that I would let her be by my side… That I would marry her" I sighed. "I even wrote it on the final lines of one of the songs she wrote. That promise sounds everytime I hear it, reminding me of that broken promise"

I saw Carlos nodding, taking a deep breath and crossing his arms. The moment I stopped coming to the paddock with Juliette he never asked what happened. He just stood there, looking at me.

"What happened?" he asked, leaning on the door of my room.

"Huh? With what?" I frowned looking up from my phone and leaving it on my lap.

"Did you leave her in Monaco? Is she sick or something?" he asked worriedly.

"Oh, no. She won't come back" I answered looking back at my phone. "We broke up last month"

He stood there on the door, looking at me, scanning me with his eyes. I didn't look worried, like it was the most normal thing on Earth. I mean, a break up is normal. But he knew that it wasn't normal with us. He knew that something was wrong.

"Just say whatever you want to say" I sighed heavily. "I know that all these years you had many things that you wanted to tell me. Go on"

"Just to resume everything… You are an idiot" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "Like, a big one. You were so selfish, so greedy. Just because you were in Ferrari, it didn't mean that you were the king. You are not Michael Schumacher, you are Charles Leclerc. You really believed that the nickname they gave you was your destiny"

I swallowed thickly hearing him talk. But I have to stay still, it was my turn to listen to him, to face the consequences of my mistakes.

"You turned down big opportunities just because you loved red" he said. "You never listened to the warnings, to the friendly comments. You kept defending a team that always let you down always blaming yourself for the mistakes"

"I know" I said, looking at my hands. "That's why I left, because I got tired of them"

"But you did that too late" he frowned. "And don't tell me that Ferrari was your childhood dream. Ferrari was the dream of everybody that was on the grid, only a few of us were lucky enough to dress in the red suit. But you took it too far, mate. You made unnecessary sacrifices for them. And now look where you are. It was about damn time that after all this years you faced her"

I sigh and close my eyes, letting my head fall down defeated. Yeah, it was about time that I faced her and confronted all my mistakes.

"But now it's too late, Carlos" I sighed. "Even if I recognize and accept my mistakes, she won't want me back"

"And you deserve that" he scoffed. "You deserve it for being so stupid ad blind"

"I know" I sighed.

I got up and took a deep breath, brushing my hair and looking inside the building. I have to talk with Valerie, the one that might know how to fix this.

I searched for her around, guessing that she would be somewhere here.

"Valerie… Can we talk?" I asked her once I found her, surrounded by a couple of her bridesmaids in her room to get ready.

"Is it urgent?" She frowned. "I mean… I have tk get the last things ready"

"Please" I sighed, holding the handle of the door. "It is"

She sighed and looked at all the girls around her, understanding the gaze she gave them and walked out of the room, making me move a little to let them pass by.

"What did you want to talk about?" she sighed looking at how I sat on a chair close to her.

"Just… About Juliette" I mumbled. "She will never forgive me, right?"

"I mean… You fucked up pretty bad" she shrugged her shoulders. "But maybe you two need to talk"

"I tried, actually" I sigh. "The first time went pretty bad and the second try… Just when I thought that we were talking peacefully she just pushed me out of the room"

"You know her, Charles-"

"No I don't" I frown. "The Juliette Morelli I met this weekend is not my Juliette, is someone else. And I know I made her like that, you don't have to remind me. I just… I don't know how to talk with this her right now"

"Try to sleep with her" she shrugged. "Make her jealous, mad… Whatever to get her attention. Just don't go to her trying to talk because she will get anxious and get her walls up"

"Are you crazy?! I can't sleep with her, not this way!" I exclaimed, like if I was offended.

"Then make her jealous" she sighed. "I know deep inside her she still loves you. You just have to take your Juliette out of this Juliette"

I took a deep breath and nodded. Make her jealous. Okay, maybe I can do that. Right? Maybe dance with someone at the wedding, talk with them while Juliette is near.

I can make her jealous too, right? Yeah, I can.

"Okay, yeah" I nodded. "Your sister is single? Maybe I can talk with her?"

"Stay away from my sister, you idiot!" she laughed.

I chuckled and nodded, getting up and hugging her. I have to get ready, the lunch will be soon and then after that I'll be too busy.

"Charles, can you come please?" Pierre sighed, calling me.

I nodded and walked towards him, frowning when I saw his worrying face.

"Don't tell me you are having second thoughts, please" I begged. "Because then I'm going to kill you"

"No! No, no, is that…" he sighed. "The string quartet that was going to play in the church… Well, there won't be a string quartet anymore"

"Fuck me" I groaned. "No fucking way! They just canceled on the wedding day!"

"Well… Talk with Juliette" he sighed. "Maybe she can sing?"

"Dude, no" I frown. "She's going to kill me if I do that!"

"Please? Just… God, I don't want Valerie to be sad! She had a list of songs she wanted to be played during the wedding! And there's just enough time for Juliette to try them!" he begged, making me sigh and nod.

"Okay, okay… Give me the goddamn list" I sighed. "Why the hell did they call you, by the way? I'm the one that organized that, I thought they were professionals''

"At least you didn't pay them yet" he shrugged his shoulders, sending me a text message with the list of songs. "That's what happens when you give a chance to someone that is a friend of a friend of a friend"

"Whatever" I signed. "They were friends of my piano teacher"

Pierre looked at me nodding, laughing.

"If you weren't my best man and all your songs weren't depressing I would have asked you to play at the wedding" he joked.

"Fuck you, mate! Those signs have many fans" I laugh punching his arm. "Well… I guess I'll go talk with Juliette… Wish me luck"

"Yeah, you'll need it" he joked, making me roll my eyes and walk out of the room.

"Fucking great" I groan.

I prayed that she was in her room just like before. I prayed that she would let me in even after she pushed me out of it.

"Juliette?" I sigh knocking on her door. "Juliette, I need to talk"

I heard rushed steps and then she opened the door. Her hair was wet, body wrapped with a silk robe. No bra. Fuck me.

"What you don't understand about me telling you that I don't want to talk with you?" she frowned.

"The string quartet won't come to the wedding. I need you to sing, or play the guitar or the piano. Whatever that makes music" I said nervously. "Just… Don't do this for me but do it for Valerie"

She looked at me and I felt little. I tried to breathe deeply, standing there in front of her.

"What songs?" she sighed and I felt myself smile a little. "And you better make sure that there's a guitar or a piano on the church after lunch so I can practice"

"Of course" I nodded. "I'll send you the songs… You still have the same number?"

"Yeah" she nodded and I took a deep breath. "Just give me times and I'll do whatever I can"

"I'm sure you'll do it amazing" I said smiling and I saw that she tried to not smile.

Just relax, please. Smile at me, Juliette. Let me see my Juliette.

"Thanks" she nodded. "I'll search the scores, I prefer if there's a piano"

"Yeah, okay" I nodded, sighing.

She won't smile at me anymore.

🎤

I took a deep breath after closing the door, then I heard the bell on my phone, making me sigh when I read the contact name I never changed.

Charles❤️: Guests entry something simple, whatever you can play on the piano is fine

Entry (bridesmaids and groomsmen first, groom with his mother and bride with her father): A Thousand Years, is around 5 minutes

For the exit Valerie wanted Wings by Birdy

I rub my eyes and brush my hair with my fingers. I'll let him in read, I really don't want to talk to him nor text him. But he kept messaging.

Charles❤️: I'll be on the church trying the keyboard

Just in case you want to come and try it by yourself

I groan and lock the phone, leaving it on the bed. Why did I never change his contact name?

I looked at the phone, the only source of light in the room. A week went by, and he didn't call yet.

"Maybe he's just busy" I mumble.

A week ago he broke up with me. A week ago he came to me and told me he wanted to break up, that we weren't working at all anymore, that I was distracting him.

Of course I didn't believe him. He's stressed with this season and needs to focus, maybe he just had a bad race and needed to get all his stress off with me so he said the first thing that came into his mind.

I waited days for a text, then the days became weeks, the weeks became months. I waited every hour for a text of him telling me that he misses me, that he loves me and that he regrets breaking up with me.

But that text never came to my phone. That text never showed up in my notifications, his name never came again.

I sighed, shaking my head, and got ready to get out of my room.

I wanted to go to the restaurant and eat lunch, I really wanted to, my mind wanted to go. But my legs and my heart had other plans, making me go to the church and accepting the fact that he was there, maybe alone playing the piano.

Music came to my ears when I was near the building, piano notes. He was playing, sitting in front of the keyboard with his eyes closed and fingers working all over the keys. It was a sad song, one that you want to hear whenever something is wrong, when someone hurts you.

"You improved" I said walking closer, trying to keep the sadness that song brought me.

"I'm a verified artist in Spotify after all" he said, stopping the music and looking at me with a sad smile. "It's all yours"

He got up and let me sit on the chair. Something deep inside in my heart wanted him to tell me why he composed a sad song, why he played it right now.

I just want answers.

I sigh and sit on the chair, trying the keyboard, playing the songs I'll play at the wedding.

How ironic it is that the song I would have chosen to be played at my dream wedding is the one I'll sing in my best friend's wedding and with the man that broke my heart, the one I wanted to marry, right in front of me.

"It's nice" I nodded, standing up and turning off the keyboard. "I guess I have to be earlier, just to warm up. See you later"

I started to walk away, but then he held my wrist, making me close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Thank you" he said, and I just nodded.

"This is for Valerie" I said, moving my wrist away from his grip. "Don't get the wrong idea"

"You know that's not true" he whispered, trying to hold my hand. "Juliette, you know that we belong together-"

"Don't" I said, turning around. "Don't make me laugh, is not the right place to lie, you know? On a church" I scoffed, looking around.

"Juliette, please… Let me talk" he begged, those green eyes looking at me with anxiety.

"I don't want to talk about the things we've gone through, Charles" I sighed, closing my eyes. "There's nothing more to say"

"Juliette…" he sighed, and I just asked myself how many times he said my name this weekend.

"You know… I just thought that I belonged to your arms" I said, smiling weakly. "That you were home, that you would be the last person that could hurt me. But I was so stupid, a fool,an innocent girl in love"

I heard Charles taking a deep breath. I just want to let my anger go, all the anger in my heart wants to come out.

"I don't want to talk about this because it makes me feel sad" I whisper. "And I know you hate seeing me sad, so please. Leave me…"

"I was there" he interrupted me, taking me by surprise.

“What?” I mumbled.

"I went, I went to some of your concerts, I followed your award shows, I watched every movie you worked in even if I had to watch you making out with someone else that wasn't me! I was there but I couldn't be there! Because I was so afraid of what could happen, Juliette. I was afraid if someone saw us, if someone saw me. I even wrote on papers everything I wanted to tell you all those times, I still have the papers. I just… Please, Juliette… Let me talk"

taglist

@lestappenloverr @racinggirl @roni-midnights @livster @kakorrhaphiphobia @starkeyellow

[indigo-starcatcher]

CROWN APPLE

Dom!Jake x Reader

Oooohoho, my first smut. So exciting, and a little nerve-racking so please give me your feedback! Enjoy yourselves some filthy Jake, hoes. 😌

MINORS DNI. 18+ ONLY.

Warnings: Dom!Jake, alcohol, weed (if you squint, I guess), slapping, spanking, unprotected penetration (wrap it to tap it, ladies [GN]), cursing. If I missed one, my bad y'all!

Summary: You hit up a Kiszka party to visit with long-time friend, Sammy. Jake unabashedly hates your guts. Or does he?

The familiar burn crept up your throat as you threw your head back, shot glass to your lips. Crown Apple, your whisky of choice.

You had always been a close friend of the Kiszkas, growing up in Frankenmuth and being in the same year as Sammy. You two were good friends all throughout school - you had even exchanged elementary Valentine's. Backyard bbqs, swimming playdates, backyard baseball - you had a million memories in the Kiszka home, and cherished all of them.

That was years ago. Nowadays the boys were really successful with the band, and seldom found themselves at home; they were either touring, or stuck in the studio. Whenever they came home though, they made sure to invite you to every gathering, every party. You were still Sammy's best friend. They all adored you, welcoming you with open arms.

Everyone that is except Jake. You didn't know the reason; he'd never given you one. You just chalked it up to the philosophy that not everyone gets along with everyone, and shrugged it off. Even so, you brushed paths with him on the way into the party, and he never turned down the opportunity to verbally jab at you.

He paused you in the doorway, a snide smirk curling his lips. "You again, Y/N? Don't you have your own place?"

His voice was raspy, and he stood close enough for you to smell the woodsy cologne he'd bathed himself in. It was a bit flustering, though you didn't want to it admit it. You weren't Jake's biggest fan, either.

He continued, a cockier smile turning up the corners of his mouth. You could've sworn you caught him quickly eyeing you up and down. "Or do you not have anything better to do than trail behind my brother?"

As you set your shot glass down on the Kiszkas downstairs bar, Sammy drunkenly staggered over to you. Slinging his arm over your shoulder, he dotted a quick and earnest kiss on the side of your head.

"Heyyyyy, kiddo!!!". His breath smelt of beer, evident by the one he was tipping in his hand, the hoppy smelling drink splashing and flicking little droplets from the top of the bottle.

"I am soooo glad you made it tonight!!! I - hiccup - I miss game nights with you while we're off touring!! HEY let's go race in the yard right now, huh?? whaddya say I think that sounds fun ooh Joshcantimeus..."

His words started to slur together, and they trailed off in your mind as well. You were distracted - you could feel hot eyes burning into you from across the room. Jake leaned against the wall next to the sliding door that led to the patio, a glass of whisky neat swirling in his hand. As your eyes met, he raised a questioning and sarcastic brow, as if to say "can I help you?".

You responded with a small eye roll and returned to Sammy's drunken ramblings.

"Hey, love!" You chirped back enthusiastically. "I definitely wanna race, but I think you need some bread and a lil nap first, okay??" Sammy looked down to you with a toothy smile, eyes blinking one at a time.

"YKNOW. I could -hiccup- I could go for a slice!!"

Eagerly grabbing a slice of pizza from the bar countertop, he sauntered lazily away from you to the couch. He only made it through one bite before falling asleep, the rest of the slice spending the night on his black, low-cut t-shirt.

You giggled to yourself, and grabbed a slice as well. That's when you noticed Chris, one of the band's roadies, had joined you at the bar.

Beer in hand and a tipsy smile on his face, he began to flirt very openly. He asked about your hobbies, how long you'd been friends with Sammy, the works. You found yourself giggling and genuinely enjoying the conversation, flirting as you felt yourself getting tipsier by the minute, nursing your own glass of neat whiskey.

That's when you felt that same familiar feeling: a stare laced with venom. This time from out on the patio, you locked eyes with Jake. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were filled with fire. You furrowed your brow as you watched him throw back a full glass of alcohol in one impressive gulp. "What is his problem?" you thought to yourself. That's when you noticed, the seal was beginning to break.

"Chris! Will you excuse me for just a sec? I'll be right back", you called down to your potential suitor over your shoulder, finishing your sentence as you made your way upstairs to the Kiszkas bathroom.

Washing your hands, you heard footsteps stamping their way up the wooden basement stairs, but thought nothing of it. You left the bathroom and closed the door behind you, only when you spun around, there he was. About a foot from your face, Jake stood. The surprise of his presence backed you against the closed door.

He raised up an arm to prop himself up next to you, leaning confidently against the door frame.

"Y'know," he started, a deeper rasp in his voice than normal. He was close enough that you could smell the whiskey and weed that lingered on his breath. It was intoxicating. You hated yourself for thinking that, but you couldn't help it. His entire aura was hypnotizing. "I really hate you."

"Yeah, off to a good start, Jake", you retorted as you tried to work your way around him. He quickly held up his other arm. They were bordering you on the door frame now, blocking you in.

"But what I hate more, for some God damn reason..." he whispered, only inches from your face now,

"...is seeing any other man try to do what I could do so easily."

"Oh? And what's that, Jakey? Make a complete ass out of yourself?" You threw the words back at him with half-hearted malice, laying the sarcasm on thick.

Jake was a beautiful man. His hair cascading down his shoulders; his low cut shirt that displayed his doubloons like gold stars, bouncing against his bare stomach with every movement. He made you nervous, it was true, but your disdain for him was more powerful.

"No," he said back in a gentle, hushed whisper.

Pausing his words, his pointer finger found its way to your clavical. It trailed ever so lightly up your neck, to your jaw, to your chin, where the soft touch subsided. He squeezed your jaw in his hand, tilting your chin up to meet his cocky gaze. Spitting back through gritted teeth, he snarled as he spoke:

"Make you cum, sweetheart."

In an instant he turned you around, pinning you to the door. With one hand, he held yours behind you, pressed them against the small of your back. His other hand trailed softly but confidently from your calf, up in between your thighs slowly, searching for your core. You could feel the wet heat soaking through your panties as he steadily moved upwards.

"Jake. Don't. Someone will see, someone's bound to come upstairs." You only half-worriedly replied. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought about this before.

"Fuck 'em."

Shoving your panties over to the inside of your thigh, he slid in two fingers to the knuckle and curled them, motioning for you to come here in the filthiest of ways. A soft moan started to escape your lips, but not before Jake could stamp his free hand to your opened mouth.

"I love a nasty sound from a nasty whore, but shut the fuck up unless you want the entire party up here."

To Jake's surprise, you quickly turned around to face him, a soft but firm hand landing on his throat, gently squeezing at the sides.

"Then do something about it, Jakey".

A wicked and filthy grin curled his lips over his beautiful white teeth, his deep brown eyes blown out with lust. You'd flipped a switch in him; you weren't sure what you'd gotten yourself into, but you knew you were along for the ride.

"Oh, sweetheart." He whispered arrogantly, softly removing your hand from his throat. Taking your cheeks in his hand, he squeezed hard enough for the pads of his fingers to draw a small ache from your cheekbones. He leaned in, an inch from your face. His hot, whiskey-soaked breath could've gotten you drunk.

"You shouldn't have said that".

With a swift movement, he bent slightly to wrap his arms around your legs, tossing you over his shoulder with ease.

"Now you're stuck with me, you sweet little slut." As a punctuation to his threat, he brought down an open-handed palm to meet your right ass cheek. A surprised yet excited moan escaped your lips.

"Calm down, Y/N." Jake commanded, striding hastily down the hall to his bedroom. "The fun hasn't even started yet". You could hear the smile in his statement.

He threw open his bedroom door, closing it behind him with a kick of his Chelsea boot. He brought down his hand to your ass one more time before throwing you down onto the bed, landing with force.

He crawled over top of you, gold chains dangling and tracing little circles on your heaving chest. You were already soaked through, the throbbing heat crawling up into your pelvis.

"Y'know, I've thought about this before..."

His thumb brushed over your lower lip. "Filling this pretty mouth with my cock just to get you to shut the fuck up". He brought his hand up from your lips to lay a soft but firm smack to your cheek.

Your mouth opened in a small "o", riding the line between pain and pleasure.

"Good girl, you knew just what I wanted," Jake praised as he slid two fingers into your mouth, letting them linger on your tongue. Satisfied, he began to remove them, but you pulled them back into your mouth with a hard suck, making deliberate eye contact. You weren't afraid. You wanted more.

"You're filthy", Jake muttered, almost admiring you. His hate for you hadn't subsided, but he was impressed. He liked a challenge. You released his fingers and he brought them to his lips, sucking on them, not allowing his eyes to shift from yours.

"Crown Apple?" He smirked. "One of my favorites."

In a hasty movement, he flipped you over onto your stomach and lifted you up by your hips. His pelvis inched forward to meet yours, pressing into you. Even fully clothed, you could feel his hard length through his jeans.

"Jake, please.." you begged. You needed him. You'd come to terms with it. You hated him but you absolutely, desperately needed him.

"Please, what? Use your words, sweetheart."

"Please...Jake I need you," you whined.

"As hard as it makes me when you whimper, I need you to tell me what it is that you need." Jake was amusing himself; he enjoyed when you squirmed.

"Please. Jake. Fuck me. Do whatever you want with me."

"I thought you'd never ask."

He reached forward to shimmy your panties down around your legs; you had thanked yourself for wearing a skirt, allowing him easy access. As he freed you of your lace garments, he brought them up to his face, allowing himself a small inhale. His eyes rolled back into his head, and let out a small sigh.

"Those stay with me, sweetheart." He said, stuffing your panties into his jeans pocket. He could feel himself twitching under his denim; he couldn't wait any longer. The very sight of you, dripping in front of him, had tricked a trigger.

He unbuttoned his jeans without hesitation. Shimmying them down to his knees with his boxers, his length sprung free, resting against his abdomen. With one hand he wrapped around his base, slowly and deliberately stroking. His other hand reached forward to cup you in his hands, desperate to feel you drip down onto him. A raspy moan escaped his lips and his head fell backwards.

"My sweet, nasty little slut. How badly do you need me?"

"I need you Jake." You begged. You could feel yourself throbbing. "I. Need. You. Fuck me."

With your command, you felt him slide in to bottom out. He was warm, and wide. He stretched your walls and hit you in places that hadn't been touched, sending little electric currents down your widened legs.

"Oh, fuck," He whispered behind you through gritted teeth. "My little slut, you're so tight." When did he start using the word, "my"?

His slams into you hastened, his moans growing louder with every movement. His length slid almost all the way out of you, only to re-enter with more force. You could feel the familiar knot growing and tangling in your hips, along with an unfamiliar - yet intoxicating - tightening that tensed with every thrust.

"Jake, I..I think I'm going to.."

A pornographic string of moans grew and ripped from your mouth. Jake leaned forward to stifle them, suctioning his palm to your open mouth. You came hard, along with a waterfall release that you'd never experienced before. It flowed from you, soaking Jake's cock and dripping down onto his sheets.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, that was so fucking hot. Oh, fuck. I'm, I'm.."

Jake couldn't finish his sentence before you felt him twitch, his warmth filling you to the brim. Sent spiraling by the mixture of each others releases, another knot rose up from within you. You finished together, trailing off in a string of signs and moans.

The two of you collapsed down into the bed together, where he remained on top of you and inside of you. He propped himself up on his forearms, wiping away a sweat-soaked and disheveled strand of hair from your forehead. He leaned down, his lips meeting your ear.

"You should come over more often, sweetheart."