#don’t you dare tell me using dark side wasn’t sebastian’s idea

[calsvoid]

this meme but with huntbastian after the blackmail plan didn’t work

[siempre-bucky]

I.I.G.Y.M.H.W.Y.T.I.A.M.M.T.H.M.I.T.W?

COWBOY!BUCKY X READER

♡if I gave you my hand would you take it and make me the happiest man in the world?

Summary: Nat and Wanda take the reader post break up to The Stark Ranch, a beautiful little place in the lush green countryside. God she hated it, she didn't want to be here only wanted him back. With one dip of a black cowboy hat and a deep-voiced greeting, the readers brooding would have to wait.

Part 1 of 3

Warnings: light mentions of past abuse,

WC: 3.8k

A/N: there was a tiktok and it was just cowboy Sebastian Stan and this fucking song!! Here's a thing I can't stop thinking about! I edited this the best I could.

In the long, rich history of bad ideas, this had to be the worst idea anyone has ever had. Here she was, squished in between her best friends in the back of an Uber. An old country song from the 60s played on the radio as the two redheads gushed about the small town they were driving through. The most popular restaurant back in Brooklyn probably had more people inside it than this little country town.

"Are you done brooding?" Wanda complains, her Sokovian accent purely intensified the distaste in her tone.

"All I want is John, back," Y/N mutters bitterly, her jaw clenched, sinking lower into the seat. Both women roll their eyes at her comment.

"You haven't stopped mentioning Walker since we got off the plane. It's been 2 months Y/N," Natasha reminds her, checking her watch that was peaking from her black leather jacket. "Don't forget this is why we're here! A getaway is just what you need."

Has it already been 2 months? It only felt like 2 weeks since he left. His last words still sent a chill down her spine "Did you really expect me not to cheat, Y/N? It's New York, get used to it, babe." Y/N shakes her head, trying to get that man's callous words out of her head. She felt like she was already at the acceptance of the grieving process. She clearly wasn't there.

Natasha suddenly gasps, the Stark Ranch coming into view with its black iron gates, its name the biggest thing on it. Y/N looks in Nat's direction, the 4 story red and yellow inn sat in the middle of a long dirt road and was nuzzled in with the saturated green grass and big trees. Y/N thought it was pretty but she would never admit that to her friends.

"Ladies you have a good time out here! I reckon you'll find our little town quite charmin'!" The older man tells them happily as his car comes to a stop in front of the inn. The girls give him their thanks and get out to take a look at the place.

Nat's hand shielded her eyes from the sun as she looked up the place, a confident smile on her face since she picked out this place in the middle of nowhere. Wanda stood in the middle with her hands in her pockets and a relaxed smile. As for Y/N? she might as well have a dark cloud hanging over her. It smelled like grass and horses, her black ankle boots were covered in dust, and worst of all...Natasha blocked John's number. "Relaxation awaits girls!" Nat cheers as she leads her small pack into the front doors of the inn.

The inside was just a cute as the outside, country-style couches placed in the center with a mahogany coffee table littered in doilies. Guests laughed and chatted behind the french doors in the restaurant beside them. "Welcome to Stark Inn!" The front desk lady greets them, her strawberry blonde hair tied in a bun and a glossy smile on her features.

"You go check-in, I'm staying here," Y/N sighs, plopping down onto one of the floral couches, taking out her phone from her back pocket. Nat and Wanda rolled their eyes, pushing their luggage next to their friend before walking over to check-in.

She checked her phone 5 times, 5 different bell-sounding notifications from 5 different apps. Nothing from her former love, of course, not because he's blocked. The next bell sound didn't come from her phone but the front doors of the inn. The ding was followed by two men laughing loudly, one clapping the other on the back. The Y/H/C girl looks up at the source of the ruckus.

One was blonde, wearing a thin blue flannel shirt and dark jeans. He was cute, had a nice ass, and blue eyes a lady could swim in. The other man was a different story, however. A blush crept up her cheeks as she looked at him. His shoulder-length hair was tied up in a low bun, face nearly hidden by his black velvet cowboy hat. Fuck that man looked good in red flannel.

The said man looked down at her. Oh shit, she'd been caught staring at the two cowboys. Before she could look away the one in red smirked at her and dipped his hat "ma'am," he speaks in greeting, his voice was low and raspy, sending butterflies to her stomach and other regions.

"H-hi," Y/n says shyly, like a schoolgirl whose crush finally talked to her. The man turned away and walked away to walk towards the front desk, mud left behind from their boots which they were quickly scolded for.

"Well while you boys are makin' a mess 'round my inn you can take help these girls up to their room," Pepper, the co-owner huffs "307... the nice one." Pepper waves them off, turning to grab the keys to the room.

Natasha eyed the blonde man up and down, resting her back on the front desk, propping her elbows up behind her. "Hi there cowboy," she speaks to him flirtatiously, her pink lips form a smirk. The man ducks his head and laughs.

"Hi there. I'm Steve."

"Natasha."

Y/N rolled her eyes at the flirting, rising from the couch she went to grab the handle of her bag but was met with cold metal. Her eyes flew up to see the man in the back cowboy hat already grabbed a hold of it "I'm assumin' this is yours?" he chuckled with that honey-like voice. Y/N nods and crossed her arms over her chest, her hand still feeling the chill of his hand.

She followed behind them, taking the red-carpeted stairs. She was behind them enough to stare at the broadness of his shoulders, a small smile appeared on her lips thinking about what it would be like to run her hands down his back. No, she quickly erased the image out of her mind. That thought returned as they climbed the second set of stairs, her Y/E/C traveled down his back and landed on his backside as he climbed. A red rag hung out of his back pocket.

The man turned around as they reached the top, catching her stare at him "I'm Bucky," he tells her, breaking her out of her trance. Bucky was 2 for 2 catching her stare at him. The red in her cheeks matched the vibrant red of the rag her eyes were once fixated on.

"Y/N," she responds simply, her voice quiet.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, miss." His words made her skin tingle, small bumps rising to the surface of her clothed skin. Her green jacket covering all the evidence.

"It's nice to meet you too, Bucky," she ponders over his name for a minute "did your parents name you that?"

Bucky laughed, oh God his laugh was precious "No, uh- my name is actually James. Bucky is just a nickname, I like it better," he explains. Y/N moved from the back to his side as they walked up the final set of stairs.

"Both names are nice," Y/n chuckles, "they suit you." They both looked at each other and instantly smiled, she even unfolded her arms and let them linger at her side. She forgot what it was like to be comfortable after all this time. Walking on eggshells for a man who could set off at any moment was what she grew accustomed to. This was nice, even she had to admit that.

The two girls in front couldn't help but give each other a knowing look, Steve even joined in. "He hasn't dated in years," he whispers to Natasha as they approached the room.

"A shell of a man cheated and dumped her," Wanda tells them in a hushed voice.

They reached the white door with a golden plate '307' written in script numbers. "This is the best room at the inn!" Steve starts to gush, placing the bags on the ground.

"Clear view of the stables, horses walking around all the time," Bucky chimes in, his elbow nudging Y/N the arm. he looked up at him with raised eyebrows but he wasn't looking at her this time. Did he do that on purpose? No. Probably not.

"Well... we'll let you ladies get settled in. Don't hesitate to reach out of you need anything." Steve dipped his hat and started to walk away, clapping his friend on the shoulder, turning him to walk in the same direction.

"See you around, Y/N," Bucky told her before walking away. Her eyes lingered on the tall man as he walked away and even he turned around to catch another glance at her. 3 for 3.

"Did someone catch feelings already?" Natasha laughed as he unlocked the room. Y/N eyebrows furrowed in anger, walking in after her friends, roughly brushing past the sassy redhead.

"All I want is John back. I don't know what the hell that was out there," she defended herself, snarling as she sat in the chair by the large windows, her legs hanging off the ledge.

The women hung their heads and began to unpack "You can have the other bedroom," was all Wanda said before the conversation ended. Y/N felt the guilt rise in her heart. She didn't mean to be so blunt and rude to them, in the back of her mind she knew they knew they were trying. She was trying too.

Time had passed and clothes were hung and folded away in their drawers. Nat sat on her laptop looking for places to eat in town while Wanda checked in with her husband and kids back home. Y/N hadn't left the chair since they arrived. Checking her phone for someone who couldn't talk to her.

"Look at this cute little place in town! It's home cooking they call it. We should go," Nat tells the girl happily.

"I'll call the Uber after I talk to Tommy," Wanda joins in.

"I-I don't want to go," Y/N says, her voice softer than before. She turns his attention to the sables below her, a black horse being led by the man in the black hat. "Bucky," she whispers to herself. She watches him, his lips were moving, obviously talking to the beautiful animal. A smile dared to appear on her face while she watched him, she saw her reflection and she sucked in her lips. Her attention went back to her friends.

"We're not going to let you coop yourself up in this room all night, Y/N." Natasha squints her eyes in judgment, closing her computer with a loud thud.

"And I don't want to make this trip miserable for you guys. I just need to be by myself for a while."

"That's what we're afraid of. It took 2 weeks to get you out of your apartment."

"I'm doing better now!" she shouts, realizing what she did she gulped and sat straight up in the chair, placing her feet on the floor "I'm sorry, Nat. Please just go, have fun and I promise we'll do that spa ay like you wanted tomorrow."

"Fine, but give me your phone," Wanda interjected, holding out her hand while her other one placed her phone in her back pocket. Y/N scrunched her nose and shook her head. Wanda's eyebrows lowered, her hand still stretched out as she walked towards her. She cocked her head, striking fear into the Y/H/C. She hated when Wanda did that.

"How are you going to reach me if something bad happens?"

With the phone now in Wanda's hand, Nat said "We'll call the front desk."

The girls had left, telling Y/N to make her time alone useful. She wanted to sit and wallow in her never-ending sadness. She remembered a time like this at a New York lawyers convention when John left her in the room for hours while he partied downstairs. No, no, she didn't want it to be like this even if it was her choice now.

The stables. She walked over to the window and saw the red building empty from what it looked like. Maybe she could get a glimpse of the horse she saw. Bucky didn't even cross her mind then or was that the reason she wanted to go so badly. No, it had to have been the horse she saw. Keep telling yourself that.

Y/N stayed back a bit longer, giving Nat and Wanda enough time to leave the property. They would never let this go after the stable comment Bucky made. She stepped outside, the sun starting to set and a small chilled breeze brushes past her. Lurking around to make sure no one was there she slowly walked into the stable, the horses not paying her any attention.

There she was, the beautiful black mare standing her her stall, her face poking out of the window. Y/N walked over and let the horse sniff the palm of her hand "You're so pretty, my darling," Y/N beams, rubbing her nose. The horse nickered, making the woman laugh "You like compliments don't you."

"She craves attention!" A voice called out from the other side of the barn. Y/N whipped her head to the side, her heart thumping against her chest. Bucky started making his way over, two silver buckets in his strong arms. The sweat on his face didn't go unnoticed by her, she swallowed hard and took a step back from the horse.

"I-I didn't see a stay-out sign, I'm sorry if I'm not all-" her rambling was cut off by his soft chuckle and the clang of the buckets now on the ground.

" I don't mind, doll. Clementine loves the company." I was hoping you'd show up, he kept that to himself of course. "While you're here, do you want to help me brush her? She gets sad if I don't do it before I leave."

Y/N smiles softly and nods at him, her hands folded in her lap. Bucky eagerly opened the stall and allowed her to enter first. He ran around to empty the feed buckets and placing the buckets on the shelf. He pants as he hands her a brush, his awkward smile earning a thank you.

Bucky stood on one side while she stood on the other, brushing the shiny coat of Celmentines's body. The silence was a comfort and the soft brushing noises were music to their ears. She enjoyed the silence and stolen glances at each other. His steel-blue eyes fixated on his favorite horse, she'd never seen someone look that loving towards someone else.

He breaks the silence "So what brings you guys all the way out to our neck of the woods?"

Was she supposed to be honest? Because 'I'm desperately trying to get over a man who ripped my heart out' doesn't scream approachable. She bit her lip and looked at him from the other side of the horse, their searching eyes meeting.

"Fella did me wrong so my friends decided a getaway was the best medicine," she explained, a watered-down version of what the real devastating truth was.

Bucky nods as he listens to her, slowly making his way to her side, brushing Clementine's hip as a cover. He didn't push it any further, now wasn't the time and he remembered her somber appearance when he first met her in the lobby "Where ya from?" He asks instead

"Brooklyn." His ears perk up, he hadn't thought about that city in so long.

"Brooklyn?" he hums, "how's the city these days?"

"Busy," she responds, looking over at him trying not to act surprised that he moved closer. "You've been?"

"Once or twice." 7 years. He frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. Y/N hums and starts to brush the side of her neck. Clementine whinnies, making the woman jump back. "I-It's ok," Bucky tells her kindly, holding out his hand, "she likes that, let me show you." He takes off his hat and tosses it on top of the hay pile behind them.

His flesh arm placed at on her midback, bringing her closer to the horse. His metal arm covers her hand to guide the brush down Clementine's neck. The sound of her own heart was deafening, he was so close she could pick up everything. The smell of hay and horses mixed in wish musk and was the cedar? It was manly...just like him. The stands of loose hair stuck to his forehead, small grey hairs mixed into his stubble.

Her eyes shifted away from his face onto the sight in front of her, his hand over hers, the gold and black metal shining in the overhead light. She wondered if he could feel her. "Your arm?" she questions barely audibly.

"It was a military accident...I fell," he responded, she couldn't tell if there was sorrow in his voice or he was just accustomed to explaining it all the time.

"It's nice! I hope I didn't offend you," she tried to pull away from the situation she created but his flesh arm held her still. He looks down at her and smiles.

"You didn't. It was a long time ago."

His reassurance got her to relax. They eased into small talk about their lives, she learned that he was born here and always helped the Starks on the ranch when they opened it, leading into a job when he got out of school. He was kind and funny, made her heart constantly skip beats when he said something nice. It made her forget John Walker for a while.

The sun went down, the auto light of the stables turned on. Bucky knew he should've clocked out by now, but this was far better. She was sad, he knew that, but when she relaxed she was surprisingly funny with her quick wit, soft smiles, and her newfound love for his favorite girl Clementine.

"Have you ridden before?" he asks as they finish, taking her brush back.

"No," Y/N laughs as she recalls her childhood, "I saw a boy fall off one at summer camp and I swore I'd never do it. I admire from afar."

Bucky joins in on the laugh while he grabs his hat and dusts off the loose straws of hay on his hat. Y/N bits her lip and pats Clemintine one last time before the pair walked towards the door "Watch your step," he warns, holding his metal hand out for her to take. She looks at him for a moment, feeling like her feet were cement. Her eyes flash from his hand to the softness in his eyes.

"Fucking hell Y/N let's go!" John's hand outreached for her, it was shaking, matching his anger. "I'll fucking leave you here. You know, fuck it. Walk home." That hand turned into a fist... she didn't like that fist.

Hesitantly she takes it, her nervous fingers wrapping around his palm as he guided her over the edge of the stall and onto the main ground of the stable. "Thanks for letting me brush her, it was nice," she smiled, still holding his hand. She wasn't the only one who didn't let go.

"Any time, doll. How long are ya here for?"

"5 days," she responds. Not enough time, he frowned and bit the inside of his cheek.

"Well you can come down any time you'd like, Clem would like the company." I would too.

Y/N finally realized she was holding his hand, her eyes went wide and pulled away suddenly, her nervous chuckle ringing in his ears "I-I should go... thank you again Bucky."

She scurries off towards the inn, their hands still tingling. He'd never been this happy to still have nerves in his arm "God bless Wakanda tech," he praised under his breath, clenching and unclenching the hand.

"Y/N! Wait a minute," he shouts stopping her mid way. She turns and see's him standing there in the overhead light of the stable, like he was waiting for her to get there safely.

"Yeah?" she questions, matching the volume of his voice.

"While you're here you should try Happy's Diner! Best coffee in town!"

"I thought this place did?"

"Don't let Pepper convince you!"

Y/N giggles and nods "I will. Goodnight Buck."

"Goodnight, Y/N!" He watches her leave, making sure she was safely inside, she turned to catch one last glance at him making the brunette smile at her and waving her off.

It would be another hour before Natasha and Wanda returned to the room, finding their friend in the same position in the chair by the window. This time her shoes were dustier than before, black hairs visible on her cream-colored shirt. She stared at the cowboy painting on the wall in front of her like her life depended on it "What did you do all day, Y/N?" Wanda asks, tossing Y/N's phone on the bed.

She expected her to run and grab it, feverishly checking the messages John couldn't send. That reaction never came, she didn't flinch when the phone landed on the bed with a soft thud. Her mind was still a blur, Bucky was kind, he held his hand out for her and got her to the other side of the stall...he waited for her.

"This," Y/N remarks, coming out of her thoughts pointing to the chair she was occupying. The spy in the leather jacket didn't buy it, looking at the differences in her clothing and demeanor.

"Sounds like a bore," Nat sighs, deciding to let it go for a moment.

"How was the restaurant?" Y/N yawns, getting up and walking past them. The two redheads sniffed the air as she passed, it smelled like Y/N had been sleeping in a barn. Well, that was almost true.

"What the hell is that smell?" Wanda grimaced, her nose scrunching at the foul smell. Y/N stopped in her tracks and closed her eyes, she wasn't about to tell them about her time in the stable with Bucky. She brought her shirt up to her nose, fuck, it was her.

"Must be the atmosphere," she laughed it off, "I'm going to bed!" She rushes off before the accusations came and she knew they would come.

The door to the adjoining room slams shut and the girls give each other a knowing look "Twenty bucks says she smuggled Walker in here," Wanda bets.

"Nah, it was the guy with Steve. She blushed way too much to have done nothing about it."

"Fair."

[sebbybooks]

Wreck My Daydream

Part Two

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

18+

Tagged🎄

@wayward-mikaelson

Cataglottism

(n.) kissing with tongue

I’m already wet and Sebastian barely even touched me.

I hardly gave myself a moment to be ashamed or even stir in the crass words I was using even if I had only thought them. Like a diary I suppose there was no need to lie to myself considering it was one hundred percent true. I, Nellie Lennox, was unabashedly met with unending desires that washed away my trepidations that led up to this moment.

In its place I felt this newfound sense of possibilities that I wasn’t actually making an ass out of myself with my sudden confession of feelings for Sebastian. In my defense I didn’t just wake up one morning after having some epiphany as to why I wanted to be with him. The thought of us together made itself at home in the back of my mind.

Almost like a what if. . .

However, I couldn’t help but be terrified of all the ways it could go wrong. What if I had made things weird between us forcing us apart? Life would be a bitter existence if Sebastian wasn’t around in some capacity. For the longest time I tried to find him in different relationships. It is a messed up philosophy, but it almost worked. Whenever things would get too serious it nearly terrified me. I was their someday and they were my maybe. I owed this last relationship that is still so freshly cut more than that.

I owed myself that.

On the unique and rare chance I somehow got lost in a very realistic maladaptive daydream, I’m pretty certain Sebastian wants this too. Just thinking about what he had told me seconds ago made my heartbeat drum to a dizzy rhythm. Imagining myself getting fucked to the beat of it was a completely different type of sensation.

Retraining my focus on the now I could see it in Sebastian’s face all the wheels going around in his head. Confusion? Uncertainty? Regret?

“You don’t get to do that.” I tell him. I felt like I was going to climb out of my own skin if he left me suspended in the silence for a second longer. Sebastian tipped his face closer to mine, our lips gingerly brushing against each other. Perhaps he was feeling ambivalent in regards of his feelings for me? After all this was sprung on him in the middle of the night.

Sebastian shook his head as if he was at war with himself. “I want to.” His voice was strained and dangerously low, like something was causing him utter misery being this close, yet not knowing exactly when to pull away.

“Then why don’t you.” I dared him.

I was growing impatient with this slow burn we had somehow started. I wanted to play with this fire. If I got burned in the end by his touch then so be it. At least I would forever be marked with a reminder of knowing that I at least went after something I wanted with no apology. I wanted to see how far he was willingly to go.

Sebastian removed his hand from the security of being wrapped around me. I feigned a disappointed sigh at the lack of contact. My entire body must have been on autopilot , because I didn’t recognize the position I was in. I practically sat in his lap with one leg wrapped around him and the other one mindlessly dangling over the bed. Of course the mind reader that Sebastian was naturally grabbed ahold of the side of my thigh and wrapped it around his back.

It wasn’t like I was naive to sex or never had my fair share of romantic conquest. Regardless of my experiences I still felt like a gigantic ball of nerves. The way he stared down at me with a heated look in his eyes as if he wanted to posses every inch of me. Hell, I felt like I could come undone from that alone.

The hand that was planted on my back slowly drifted downward trailing the curve of my backside gripping my ass through my thinly silk hunter green shorts that matched the top. Earlier I had berated myself for wearing scantly clad pajamas to bed. Now I am thanking my lucky stars I opted out of the option of wearing a red Christmas onesie that had polar bears wearing scarfs around their necks. They were ones my mother insisted the whole family wear.

If I had I probably would not have been able to feel his erection that was restrained in his sweatpants. Trying to situate myself closer I rocked into him slightly, massaging myself on him. My ears didn’t miss the subtle groan Sebastian let out from the feel of my weight pressing further into him.

His silence wasn’t lost on me and he still hadn’t answered my question so I did it again. I wanted him to say something. My nervousness abated at this point. I twined my arms around his neck, grinding myself against him again and again. All the while Sebastian watched my every movement with a hint of a star struck look in his eyes. The feeling was certainly mutual I was even shocking myself at my behavior.

“Nellie,” Sebastian finally says, voice husky. He usually only ever calls me by my nickname so I was more than sure that he was not fully himself.

“I’m a big girl Sebastian I can handle whatever you need to say.” I tell him, holding in my breath.

“Alright,” he said with uncertainty. “You and me, this, it’s not a good idea.” His tone was barely audible and even more so he sounded hurt. Everything in me froze.

“And why is that?” I asked him more confused than ever. Suddenly feeling absolutely self conscious as I over analyzed every intimate word I just shared with him. I was even more horrified by the fact that I was dry humping my best friend.

He let out a darkly laugh. “It’s pretty damn obvious Nells.” Sebastian says rather ominously.

“...It’s not actually.” For someone that wants nothing out of this, Sebastian was holding on to me like an anchor and I on the other hand just wanted to get away and sink.

Admittedly, I was losing this game of tug a war. There was only so much I was willing to endure even I had my limits. “You’re giving me whiplash Sebastian .” I tell him honestly, “ I’m not like those other girls you go for that are satisfied with you just dangling yourself in front of them like a piece of cake that I can’t have. I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t say it just to hear you say the same.” My voice could only rise so high in pitch.

I definitely didn’t want to wake up the upstairs guest that would love nothing more than to recap this conversation over breakfast. Then like an unexpected bolt of lighting startling you from a distance, Sebastian kissed me.

Sebastian

I am a selfish bastard.

My mind fell quiet when I looked at her. I wanted to swim in the serenity and peacefulness that was this smart, vibrant, sexy, and uniqueness this woman possessed. I only wondered even in the darkness could Nellie see my eyes as plainly as I can see hers. If so could she see the shame reflecting in them? I could feel the nagging weight of my conscience siting on both of my shoulders, arguing back and forth over what I should and shouldn’t do. It was kind of ironic that the devil in my ear insisted that I give in to the angel in my lap.

God knows I waited for her and that I would keep waiting if I had to in this lifetime or the next. It was always going to be Nellie for me. I wanted to tell her all of this, but the longer I held on to this slice of heaven I was given during this random hour. I also knew that this moment was fleeting. I basked in the way she looked at me, the way she held on to me like I was an object of virtue. I also got a sample of what it would be like to lose her the second she began to slip away on her own accord. So, I did what any poor fool would do in my position. I kissed her.

It wasn’t exactly suave or how I imagined it would go. My mouth sort of crushed against her unmoving lips in a rushed and unskilled manner. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I certainly could do a hell of a lot better than this. An yet, it was still like I predicted it would be, filled with pure unadulterated pleasure. Nellie’s lips were sweet and warm, exactly how I imagined forbidden fruit to taste like.

A perfect mixture of firm and softness that drove me wild. She flattened her hands on my bare chest as if to brace herself. Nellie pushed herself away, but her face was still so close to me. She didn’t speak and neither could I. I forced myself to look up at her and hoped that she could see I would do everything in my power to earn her forgiveness. That it was a mistake I will make right somehow.

“Nell,” I let out an exasperated breath. “ I have a need for you that goes deeper than just lust and I know that it will never truly be sated. The killer thing is I’m already at risk of losing you before I even had you.”

Nellie stared hazily up at me.“You already have me.” She whispered, our lips still grazing. Those four simple words set off a firework in me. This time when I kissed her our mouths came together like we needed to feed off of each other’s oxygen in order to survive. I’d suffer if I didn’t have it.

My mouth was greedy for hers, and I could imagine she felt the same. The moment I felt her lips slightly part open to let me in, less than a second our tongues slid together in a torrid and sensually slow pace. We kissed like a couple of eager teenagers. My heart threatened to leap from my chest when the tip of Nell’s tongue moved across my bottom lip. She tastes like gingerbread , mixed with some other divine flavor that I can only assume is Nellie. She arched herself closer into my chest and I could feel the points of her hardened nipples through her top. I seized the opportunity to press her body close because I needed more.

I wanted to feel the heat of her soft skin on mine. She returned her arms back around my neck tightly holding me in place as she angled her head kissing me back with the same ferocity. Deeply, and oh so thoroughly by the way she sucked on my tongue. I had a rough grip on her ass keeping Nellie steady as she straddled me. I was so damn hard for her. If my dick could get even harder it was bound to. Nellie did that thing again where she grinds down on my erection and I cursed at myself to not combust. I grabbed ahold of her hips guiding her to move faster, harder.

I kept telling myself to savor her, fucking take my time with this moment. I couldn’t just rip those tiny little shorts off and sink myself into her over and over until we’ve both had enough. But even then I would always need more of her. I wasn't a sentimental man, with Nellie I at least wanted to try. I wanted my first night with Nell to be a little less spontaneous than this. It wasn’t like I came prepared for festivities filled with endless fucks. Plus the added fact I couldn’t let things get too carried away especially since she still didn’t know what I have done.

Yeah, I am a very selfish bastard.

I didn’t want this to end. I wanted my mouth to explore every single part of Nellie. I wanted the taste of her to live on my tongue. I wanted to go as far as she and my consciousness would allow me.

“I need to touch you.” I panted, between every nip and kiss I left on the delicate area of skin under her jaw.

“You’re already touching me.” She says with a soft laugh, which was a melody to my ears. I was but at the same time I wasn’t. I needed to rid Nellie of any barrier that prevented me from branding her skin with my touch.

“This…off.” I tug gently on the bottom of her tank top before returning my hands to rest on her thighs, caressing them as I sucked on her neck for dear life. Going back and forth between grazing her neck with my teeth then licking over the area to soothe any imprint I’ve left.

Nellie crisscrossed her arms reaching for the hem of her top gracefully pulling it over her head. She purposely fell backwards onto the mattress aiming her shirt at my face. For as long as I’ve known Nell she was never one to be shy in her own skin.

“Imagine how unsexy that would have been if I hit my head on the headboard.”

“As long as you didn’t hurt yourself I would have just pretended that I didn’t see a thing.” I teased.

“Ah, to think they wonder where all of the good men have gone.” Nell scrunched up her nose pretending to be lost in critical thought.

I cock my head to the side. “Mm-hmm. Are you mocking me?”

“What if I am?”Her plump wet lips spread into a smile.

It was miracle I caught a word of what she said to me. I swallowed a groan as my eyes drift over the area of her body that was naked from the waist up. Nellie was clearly a stolen painting from the Louvre that I had no intention of returning. All I could do was stare.

With her legs still draped around me, my hands slide up the curve of her torso passing her ribs. I sensed that she was watching me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of her just yet. The pads of my fingers traced over to her breast and my mouth practically watered at the sight of them. She was ethereal.

“Don’t suddenly go mute on me Sebastian.” She let out a shaky breath.

I’ve heard her say my name a thousand times. Hearing her say it in this state created a feeling of warmth that filled my chest. I could only begin to imagine the different ways I wanted to hear her call out my name. My gift, my best friend, my Nellie. Those last words had a sting to them even as I thought them. Deep down I knew that was never going to be true.

I eased all the way down my tongue traveling around the dip of her navel. Creating a path up the center of her abdomen. I knew that Nell was extremely ticklish. The slightest form of contact would automatically turn her into a ninja. From the way she was pressing herself back into the mattress I knew she was trying her hardest not to flee. Of course I found it rather enticing so I made sure to spend extra time over the areas of her exposed skin I knew to be the most sensitive. Brushing the tip of my nose between her breast my mouth finally latched on to what I’ve been waiting for.

“So fucking beautiful.” I say as I graze my mouth over the stiff peak of her nipple. I was in awe over the ability that they simultaneously could feel hard yet felt extremely soft. I dragged the tip of my tongue around the bud of it in a languid movement before sucking it in deep. I loved listening to the sounds she made while I sucked and devoured as much as I could fit into my mouth. I wanted to hear a symphony of the noises that escaped from Nellie.

Going for one after the other not wanting to miss out on either. Nellie kept a limp hand pressed into my hair keeping me close as if I dared to stop.

Writhing underneath me Nellie gasped,“Touch me.”

Now she understood what I meant. My own body felt betrayed by my decision. I literally ached from pain and pleasure. Truthfully I wouldn’t opt for a better scenario than this. I would be more than gratified with giving Nellie an orgasm or two.

Still leaving featherlight kisses across her chest. With one hand I reach down and brushed along the dip of Nellie’s hip, then began to tug away at her shorts. To my surprise she was bare underneath. This was a new and uncharted territory we were crossing.

Tell me to stop, say that this is just the wrong time, tell me we would never work. Those words never escaped me, the sound of the goddamn doorbell intervened for her. My movements hesitated then shortly I picked up on inaudible chattering out in the hall. Nellie turned her head in the direction towards the door which I hoped like hell was locked. “Maybe we should go see what’s going on.” Her eyes widened.

“Or we could stay here and not shame the fact that I was two seconds away from wrapping your legs around my face while I tasted the slickness between your thighs. ” Nellie released a ragged breath and I meant every word.

To my dissatisfaction we were composed in under three minutes. I felt a strange sense of comfort and pride seeing that ever so often I’d catch Nellie looking in my direction smiling like she had some big secret she was bursting to tell. Which only made me feel like an even bigger asshole. The walk downstairs was surprisingly noisy. Someone had plugged the Christmas tree back up and there was a chilly wind breaking in as the front door came to an immediate shut.

Nellie’s parents were both moving around in a fast pace trying to find new spots to put a couple of suitcases. I had to swallow down a chuckle at the sight of their bold choice of pajamas. Nellie had already beaten me to the bottom of the staircase just as I rounded the corner of the spiral stairs.

“Cousin!” Vanessa squealed rushing over towards Nellie, who excitedly embraced her the same. They exchanged a few excitable words to each other that I tuned out. I was busy focusing on the six foot son of a bitch with a puppy dog expression on his face standing awkwardly behind them.

“Now you know Nells Bells you can’t have Christmas without good ole St. Nicholas can you?” She winked at a stone faced Nellie who just looked straight ahead at her ex boyfriend Nick. “I hope it’s okay I brought him over with me. I saw him at the airport dozed off in a chair.” Vanessa whispered as she leaned into Nell, like she just earned a gold star. Soon as Vanessa’s wild dark brown eyes caught ahold me I knew my bubble was about to pop.

“Something told me I was off the naughty list this year.” Vanessa bit at her glossed up lips and made a beeline towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She smelled like an overtly sweet perfume that tortured my sinuses. “Did you forget how to work a phone or what? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I miss you.” She cooed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nellie watching the two of us. This was my punishment.

[sinner-as-saint]

What about some angst/smut cherry!seb where they fight or something and he says something mean to her unintended, and he goes to the club and gets an offer from an another dancer there but she kinda throws herself upon him so the missus gets it all wrong? After that a huge smutty make up👀👀

Mkay, there is no specific story line, but if you’d like; you may read Cherry p1 and Cherry p2.

Okay so living with the infamous mob who stole your heart had it’s ups and downs

He was a true gentleman, and he’d treat you right

But sometimes, things got a little heated

You’d argue sometimes

His work was hard

And so was yours; who knew owning a well-known club could be so tiring

And sometimes, you’d both be cranky and grumpy for no reason

Resulting in arguments which usually didn’t last that long because Seb would always find a way to take you to bed and fuck the frustration out of both your systems

But this one time, things got a little out of control

You both insulted one another, pointing out each other’s weaknesses mercilessly. 

Seb stormed out and drove away, leaving you in the bedroom; silent tears streaming down your face

An hour or two passed

Seb perhaps thought that you might be at the club already so he went there instead of going back home

And as soon as he walked in, some random girl grabbed his hand and tugged him along towards one of the couches

In the dark room, under the dimmed lights, at first he thought it was you

But then as he sat down, he realized it wasn’t you

And he opened his mouth to tell the girl that he didn’t want a dance but she was already in his lap

In the meantime, you walked into your club too; staying at home only made you overthink more so maybe work would keep your mind off things

However as soon as you walked in, you felt your heart break in two

There he was, sat with a one of the new girls on his lap

You had never felt heartache like this before

And as you stared at him in disbelief, your eyes watering a little, he looked around and spotted you

His eyes widened and he immediately pushed the girl off his lap; making his way to you

But you didn’t wait, you ran outside and got into your car immediately

As you drove back to his place as fast as you possibly could, you saw that his car was right behind you

You didn’t even bother getting your car past his gates, you carelessly left it at the entrance and ran inside the house

And you finally let the tears fall as you ran upstairs to your shared bedroom

You heard Sebastian’s heavy footsteps running into the room right behind you

“Baby! Listen to me, I know that looked wrong, but-,”

You cut him off

“But what? It wasn’t what it looked like? Seriously, Seb?” you were more broken than angry

He sighed and walked up to you

“I was hoping to find you, and I-,”

“So you don’t see me then you grab the closest girl you can find? You’re disgusting!” 

You raised your voice. 

“Babe, listen to me, I-” 

“Why did you even bother bringing me into your life if you wanted to be such a manwhore?” you spat at him. 

And you could tell he was struggling to contain his anger

“Y/N! Listen to me, I-” 

“I was right, wasn’t I? I am nothing but just another whore to you! Tell me, how many times have you cheated on me since w-,”

This time he cut you off

“Enough!” 

He grabbed both your wrists and dragged you to bed, pinning you down and holding both your hands above your head

“Now shut your pretty mouth up and listen to me! I was looking for you, damn it! And next thing i know, this girl is on me and i was pushing her off but you walked in and got the wrong idea,” he explained but you weren’t buying any of it

“You want me to believe that? What if i didn’t walk in, would you fuck her by mistake too, huh?” you watched how he clenched his jaw and how his anger took over. 

His hand wrapped around your throat and he squeezed the sides of your throat gently

“This is where you shut up, baby. Or I’m gonna make you,” he threatened and you scoffed. 

“Manwhore,” you whispered, looking him right in the eyes, testing his patience. 

Seb wouldn’t even bother saying anything, he’d just take his tie off and tie your hands together

You squirmed against him but he was way more stronger than you were

He’d tear your clothes off in no time

He’d push his fingers past your folds without wasting time, and he’d lean in to kiss you roughly

You’d moan in his mouth as he gently stroked your walls and occasionally rubbed your clit

You could only whine and whimper when he replaced his fingers with his mouth

Licking up and down your folds hungrily, tongue flicking your throbbing clit each time 

He’d pull away to look at the dripping mess you were

“What happened, babe? You don’t wanna sass me anymore?” He’d tease before pushing his face further into your wet core 

He’d make you come at least 3 times just by using his tongue and his fingers

And oh would he be rough with you that night...

He’d have you moaning and screaming his name while he pounds into you from behind

He’d pull on your hair and bite your shoulder to keep himself quiet

He’d place his hand firmly against your mouth to keep you quiet while he pushes himself deep within you

“How dare you think I’ll ever cheat on you, baby?” he’d whisper in your ear while he pounding into you incessantly. 

“You’re all I want. Just you,” 

And he’d show you

He’d press the palm of his hand against your lower abdomen, feeling himself deep within you with each thrust

You’d whine even louder when he did so

He’d edge you for hours, each time you got close to coming undone, he’d pull out and he’d make you beg for it

He’d make you apologize nicely before even letting you cum each time

By the time he was done, you’d be covered in hickies. 

Or you’d be too tired and too sore to move so he’d pull you close to him and try to get you to sleep

“I love you, Y/N. I don’t want anyone else. I brought you into my life because I need you with me, and I would never cheat on you,” he’d speak, thinking you were asleep but you weren’t. 

You’d lift your head up from his chest and smile up at him

“What time is it?” 

He’d check the time and tell you

“It’s half past two in the morning. Why?” 

You’d smile and lean in to kiss his lips

“Let’s go,” you’d sit up and face him with a sly smile

And oh did he know that look... 

“Now? Where?” he’d ask, slightly confused

“To the club. I wanna give you a dance and show the girls that you’re mine.” You’d reply with a smirk. 

And needless to say, that night was one of the best nights of his life

[walkwithheroes84]

Immortals After Dark (Half Way) Series Thoughts And Couples Ranked

I started reading the Immortals After Dark series by Kresley Cole on February 5th, 2021. In the last twelve days, I've read roughly half the series. And, believe me, I was crushed to find out that the last book was released in 2017. The fandom is dead and the author - whether due to publisher issues, health issues, or a mixture of both - hasn’t been active on any social media platforms since 2019. 

I have some mixed feelings on the series, but since I have no one to share them with, I’ve decided to put them here. I chose to read this series because I liked the idea of it: immortal beings, preparing for a major “battle”, all while dealing with last-minute villains and finding their true soulmates. Yeah, I’ll read that. So, what have I liked about the series?

Let’s start with the fact that it is very clear that Kresley Cole had a major game plan in mind. Hints of future books, hints of storylines, and future important characters are introduced in every book. Since most of the novels take place around (or even at the same time) readers are often given several perspectives of the same events. Someone who seemed like a no-so-great person in one novel is shown to be a better person two novels later - because we  now know their backstory and what makes them tick. A character might offhandedly mention something in a novel (example: Garreth mentioning Lucia is his destined mate in book one) and it comes full circle in another novel - we get to see that story play out. 

Even if your favorite character plays a minor or side role in one novel, there is a great chance they will be a main character at some point in the series. And, as someone who often loves the side characters more than the main characters, that was a nice surprise for me.

It’s also fairly clear that Cole took some time in developing the different (major) groups within the Lore: who they are, what they can do, who they are friendly with, etc. That was a nice detail that I liked, especially as it didn’t really change in the novels I’ve read. And to be honest, in such a long series, it would be very easy for an author to forget smaller details. But, I don’t think Cole has - yet. 

There were some things I didn’t like, of course. Having read books 1-7 and then 9-10 (I don’t have access to book 8 yet) in the span of twelve days - it is so painfully clear that Cole has a formula she likes to work with. 

Most of her novels play out the same way: ML and FL meet. An attraction forms, with the ML realizing that the FL is his destined mate/Bride/whatever. They fight, he chases her, they fight some more, there is a bit of sex, there is a misunderstanding, he’s possessive, they fight and have sex, there is something terrible looming in the background that gets quickly taken care of in the last 50 or so pages, they fight again, they makeup and then they ride off into the sunset until they have a few cameos in other couples’ novels. It’s painfully predictable at times, and in truth it works well with some couples and not so well with others. So, I do like when Cole changes things a bit. (See book ten, Dreams of a Dark Warrior, for example.)

I also have to fully admit that some of the Alpha males, who were so possessive, running around calling women “Mine,” while being borderline abusive or/and manipulative at times turned me off.  That kind of guy is just not my cup of tea. So, I’m sad to say I have not (as of yet) been a huge fan of the Lykae and the way they tend to treat their fated mates. 

That said, I’d like to go over each couple and rank them. 

09. Emma Troy and Lachlain MacRieve from A Hunger Like No Other (Book 1): I almost stopped reading because of this couple. I understand that he was tortured and hurt by vampires for years, but he was so awful toward Emma when he thought she was a full blooded vampire! He demanded she touch him in exchange for a phone call! It was so clear that she was scared, and because of his own trauma, he did nothing to calm her. Not a fan. 

08. Sabine, Sorceress of Illusions and Rydstrom Woede from Kiss of a Demon King (Book 6): While I liked them as characters, their relationship just felt very toxic to me. At times I was even uncomfortable with the way they treated one another. From reviews I can tell that a lot of people like them, so I may go back to this novel once I have finished the series. 

07. Holly the Bright and Cadeon Woede from Dark Desires After Dark (Book 5): Cadeon was fine. Holly was fine. But - he was going to sell her out! I can’t get behind that. In the end, they did win me over, but I just felt (at times) that Holly could be a bit boring and that Cadeon’s betrayal (while somewhat understandable) was too much. 

06: Mariketa the Awaited and Bowen MacRieve from Wicked Deeds on a Winter’s Night (Book 3): Mari was stronger than Emma in dealing with her Lykae and because Bowen thought his feelings were a spell he wasn’t as possessive with Mari as Lachlian had been with Emma. Mari and Bowen had a bit of humor in their relationship, a bit of teasing and they were just...fun. I enjoyed their interactions before and after they were together. Do I think Mari forgave him way too easily? Yes. Do I  think their issues were solved too easily? Yes. But, my goodness, I still enjoyed them. 

05. Kaderin the Cold/Kind Hearted and Sebastian Wroth from No Rest for the Wicked (Book 2): This is a weird one, because I can’t really tell you why they made my top 5, but they did. I liked Sebastain and the way he just wanted to make Kaderin happy. I loved that Kaderin was not the damsel in distress that some of the other heroines had been throughout the series. In fact, I would dare say that it was Kaderin who was leading the romance instead of Sebastian, which was a nice change of pace in this series. 

04:  Daniela the Ice Maiden and Murdoch Wroth from Untouched (Book 7): I really loved the setup here: when Murdoch had been alive, he had been a, well, he slept with a lot of women. Dani is a virgin at 2000 years old. Why? Because she is half Icere Fey, which means when anyone touches her skin they freeze and she burns. Dani also happens to be Murdoch’s Bride, which means after 300 years of no sex (or interest in sex) Murodch suddenly wants to have sex - with Dani - who can’t. They have a lot of back and forth, push and pull. They find some very creative ways to be together without actually touching. And, for some weird reason I really enjoyed them. They weren’t the typical story in this series and I liked that.

03: Carrow Graie and Malkom Slaine from Demon From the Dark (Book 9): Me, Tarzan. You, Jane. That’s what seems to come to mind for a lot of people who read this one. Malkom is a seriously traumatized demon/vampire, who knows nothing of the world and is somehow really sweet toward Carrow. Carrow is a witch, who's seen it all and done a lot of it. She’s using him to save her adopted daughter, but Carrow falls for Malkom. And it’s a weirdly sweet and cute story. 

02:Néomi Laress and Conrad Wroth from Dark Needs at Night’s Edge (Book 4): A ghost and a vampire. Who knew I’d love them so much. It’s even better, because she’s his Bride, but she’s dead...so they can’t get physical. Instead they talk and get to know one another. She was a woman of the world, and he’s a half-crazed vampire bounty hunter, who was once a virginal vampire bounty hunter. She flirts and teases and he is angsty. They are basically perfect. 

01:Regin the Radiant and Declan Chase (Aidan the Fierce) from Dreams of a Dark Warrior (Book 10): Chef’s kiss. Regin does not take crap from Declan and he actually has to work to win back her trust. Declan is a mess, but it’s not used as an excuse for his misdeeds. Yes, he has had a traumatic past and he has been brainwashed, but his actions are not excused by Regin - especially when he goes back on his word. Declan has to fight for Regin, just as much as she has to fit for him. I loved them. 

I have book 8 on the way, I already have books 11, 13-15, and book 18. I’ll be buying books 12, 16, and 17 soon-ish. While the series has some flaws, I do like it overall. The books are really quick reads for me and overall I like the overarching story and a lot of the characters. I’m rather disappointed that nothing new has come out in four years and that Cole has fallen off the grid. I know she had books 18 and 19 planned, and reportedly book 18 is finished. I hope it is able to be published someday.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 87

Emma

Slow dancing and kissing in the middle of the floor had been as perfect of goodbye as a goodbye could be. Sebastian had updated his playlists. There was nothing sexual. Every song was I love you, I've been waiting for you, I'm happy you're mine. Intense love songs. I felt every one. I stayed in the moment, focusing on how good this felt. We held each other, swaying to the music and alternating between my head laying on his shoulder, gazing in the other's eyes, or kissing. We were in our own little bubble. There was nothing but how his body felt against mine, how he smelled, and the look of his face. All I felt was encapsulated in a swirl of feelings. Love, joy, and a touch of sadness hiding on the edge.

The bubble burst with the knock on the door. Time to go. there was no chance of getting through this without tears. Strong emotions always bring tears. I don't fight them. Letting them out feels better. I don't think emotions are anything to be ashamed of or hide. They're also not something to manipulate others with.

At the car, we were both crying. Not holding onto each other sobbing, just tears.

Saying goodbye was hard. His "I love you. I'll miss you. I'll talk to you Later. Send nudes." broke the sadness enough to get the car door closed. I watched him slide away. I wiped away a few more tears before talking myself down. Six weeks was a long fucking time, but it wasn't forever. It would probably feel like it, however.

My solution was to avail myself of the Air France business class lounge. Two shots of tequila and I switched to wine. It went better with the cheese. I was going to have to hit the gym hard when I got home. And eat better. Not today though I was sad and there was free cheese.

As usual, I was asleep before we reached cruising altitude. I woke up with about five hours to go. Fingers crossed that helped with the jet lag. I put on my favorites playlist and read until we landed.

Emma ~ I’ve landed Sebastian ~ Yay! Emma ~ Go back to sleep. Sebastian ~ XOXO

I knew he had an early call time tomorrow. It was only five pm here in New York. Closer to seven by the time I got back to Sebastian's place. I made it long enough to throw a load of laundry into the washer and the cheese into the fridge before crawling into bed. I took over his side of the bed, sniffing the pillows to find the one that smelled most like him. I curled around it and was out.

Five am was the latest my body was going to let me sleep. That was eleven am in France. So too early for New York and kinda late for France. I grabbed my phone to take a sleepy selfie but was distracted by my text notification. Sebastian had sent me a picture of him reclining on a couch, not in our rooms, with Guiletta asleep on his chest.

Sebastian ~ Found someone new to sleep on my chest.

I continued with my original plan to take an up-close picture of my eyes peeking out over the top of his pillow. My hair was a mess, my eyes look half-asleep, and there was a faint pillow crease on my temple. Perfect.

Emma ~ I miss you too

The sun was up with a bright blue sky. Since it was Saturday the traffic at this time of day would be much less. I had a clean pair of shorts, but not a shirt. No problem. My boyfriend had t-shirts. A little big, but perfectly functional. Runners, earphones, keys and I was out the door for an early morning run.

The city was beautiful. sunlight crept around corners and over the tops of shorter buildings. I ran south past the 9-11 memorial to Battery Park. I'd always been fascinated by the metal world with tears and chunks missing. The first time I'd seen I'd said out loud, "It looks like the world blew up." I guess I wasn't far off. The sculpture had been in the World Trade Center Plaza and been damaged by falling debris. I was only eight and all I remember was my parents being glued to CNN for hours. It would be years later, when I called the city home, before I really understood. As much as a non-native New Yorker could.

The worst thing about running this early was all the stores were closed. The best thing about running this early was all the stores were closed. I admit my shopping had been out of hand. In my defense, it had been a very long time since I'd had someone to dress up for. Don't take that wrong. Beacon dates with a man or friends was an opportunity to dress up. Coming into New York to be with Angie and Eli was a good opportunity. Both opportunities I used well. Still, having a man appreciate what you wear and how you look in it is another level. I know what I look good in. I'm not changing my choices for Sebastian, or any man, but I will take his preferences into account. Shopping right now would be a bad idea. I’m sure I'm packing around a few extra pounds of cheese, bread, and wine. I'm hoping all the walking mitigated some of the damage.

On my way back, a couple of blocks from Sebastian's the city was waking up. More people and sounds. I realized tonight would be the first time I'd been alone in the city in about five years. I made plans to sit in the dark and just listen. I picked up a bagel and a smoothie that I was told would rejuvenate me. I wonder if the barista could tell? I broke into Sebastian's stash of nut butter. Half a bagel with cashew butter the other with almond. Cashew was better.

Being alone in his space is weird. None of my stuff is here. It's like a hotel, but not. I got a little nosey after I'd showered and dressed. Not in a going through his drawers and medicine cabinet nosey. Looking at his DVD and CD collection. Running my fingers down the spines of his books, pulling out ones that caught my interest to thumb through. I made a stack of things I wanted to read. I did go through his kitchen pretty thoroughly. It looks like a single man who travels and eats out a lot lives here. He doesn't have flour. How does one not have flour? He does have quite a condiment collection. I threw out expired things and made a list to replace them. That led me on a short journey to see if there was anything else he was almost out of and added things to the list.

Time to call the best friends. Angie picked up on the third ring, her voice excited to hear from me, "You're home!"

"I’m at Sebastian's. I meet with my advisor Monday."

"I want to see all the pictures and hear all the stories. We're going out tonight. Some friends are playing. You're welcome."

"Can I let you know later? I don't know what the time change is going to do."

"Absolutely. So.... " the paused after dragging out the word, "are you missing him? How was goodbye?"

"Goodbye took forever. Neither of us wanted to let go. At least half a dozen last kisses. Sucked. I miss him, but I'm okay. I'll be fine when I get home and am doing stuff. I've cleaned expired shit out of his kitchen and made a grocery list."

"That's cute. Hope he thinks so."

I hadn't thought about his opinion one way or another. I was just getting rid of shit before it stank up the place. "He won't care."

We talked for a while, deciding we'd do brunch tomorrow.

I was bored. I didn't lack for things to do, but I didn't have a routine here. Especially not without him. It didn't feel like home without him. Once I'd figured that out I was good and went about making myself at home.

I'd changed Sebastian's ringtone from "Dancing Queen" to my favorite part in "Every Time I’m With You." It was near the end after a heavy drumbeat "cause every time I'm with you I feel wanted. We could make believers if we dare. We're just two believers if we dare." It was incredible the first time we'd danced to it and it was incredible now. I heard it about six, midnight in France.

I'd barely registered his face before I heard his voice, "If I put that picture on my laptop and my laptop in the bed, I can pretend it's you."

I felt warm all over and smiled, "Yes, you can. Tell me about the first day of shooting."

"It was good. Long, but good. I'm comfortable with Jess and I like her direction." He told me stories that made me proud and made me laugh. "I did well today. What have you been up to?"

I gave him a quick rundown on my day, leaving the bit about making myself at home until last.

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't believe you restocked my kitchen. Thank you. Do whatever you want to feel at home."

"What if I reorganized your drawers because your way doesn't make sense?"

"Have at it. I'll just think I forget and think I did it."

"And your kitchen so it flows better."

He shook his head, "I don't know what that means. Knock yourself out."

I laughed, "I didn't do either."

I loved the lines that formed at the corners of his eyes when he genuinely smiled. Like now, "I don't care what you do. I just want you to feel at home.”

Now we were where I wanted to be, "Here's the thing... my favorite foods in your kitchen, finding where I'm most comfortable to work on my laptop, and figuring out where has the best view when I want to relax with a book are good, but it's not enough. Doing all that did help me figure what's missing."

"What's missing and where can we get it?"

"It's free and I already found it. You make where ever we are home. You're my home."

"I'm your home." He looked a little dazed.

"When you were in my place I felt at home. At your parents, I felt at home. Being at your place with you I was perfectly at home. Paris too. Now I’m back and I did things to feel at home. Took a while until I realized its missing something. You. When I'm with you, wherever we are, I’m home."

I could tell he was processing, by the way his tongue moved, "I like that."

He kept thinking, squinting his eyes a little, "I don't know if you're my home. Not sure where home is. Sometimes I don't feel at home in my own skin. I like that I’m your home." He cringed, "The next couple of weeks are going to suck for you."

I banred out a laugh, "No, once I knew what the issue was I adjusted. I'm good now."

"You don't miss me anymore?"

"Oh, I miss you a lot." Were transitioned into silly conversation.

"Ok, good."

I gasped, "You want me to suffer?"

"Terribly." His eyes were wide as he nodded his head. "So much so that when you see me again you throw yourself into my arms and hold on so tight I can't breathe."

"Therefore making you suffer."

"Yes, please."

I did end up going out with Angie and Eli. Thankfully it was a jeans sort of bar. My hope was if I stayed moving I'd fall over, get a good night's sleep, and get back on New York time. It was a good fun night.

Sunday I took a run before getting ready for Angie to come over. I'd bribed her with her favorite home-cooked meal. I had her take pictures of me in various outfits around his apartment. At one point Angie rolled her eyes, "I can not believe I'm taking pictures of you rolling around in his bed."

"Six weeks, Angie. I suck at selfies. I need a stockpile to pull from."

"What you need is a class in basic photo editing on an iPhone."

"I know."

We went back to her place, stopping for supplies on the way. A few hours later we were feasting on cilantro lime salmon,  a creamy garlic parmesan orzo, and a greek salad. I've taught Angie to cook this several times, but she tells me it's never quite right. I think she skimps on the butter and that's a big no. And a healthy splash of the Sauvignon blanc lifts the whole thing a little.

Sebastian and I exchanged texts over the course of the day. A comment or question with stretches of time between answers. Mostly from him. I got excited when an unexpected text came through. His response to my dinner picture was a request for the same meal. Maybe with his parents.

Monday was a busier day. I had to dress like a doctoral student, pack my bags, clean up after myself, and plant surprises like the notes I keep finding in my condo. Mine are more fun. The green g- string from concert night is mixed in with his boxers. A couple of dresses parked next to something they matched well. A peach tank top mixed in with his workout gear. I had Angie take a picture in each room. Printed and framed them. My favorite is me sitting on the toilet. It has a lovely frame and is now on the wall across from the throne. I wanted everything ready for me to leave for home straight from my advisory meeting

My advisory meeting lasted a little over three hours. Three good hours. Dr. Kershaw had been appointed my advisor. I'd taken a class with her while working on my Master's and my second winter in Beacon, but at the time I'd been excited to work with students and studying digital classroom technology was something I wasn't wanting to explore. I wanted to be hands-on molding little minds and still wasn't sure what I wanted to do, but I'd enjoyed working on our team's website. Google Classroom was functional but limited by design. Three hours later I had it narrowed down.

Sebastian had texted me good luck this morning with a picture of his face, eyes closed and lips puckered. I'd sent back a picture of my legs, crossed at the ankles with my skirt draped to the side, while sitting in his favorite chair. I was more than halfway home when his ringtone came through my vehicle's speaker. I hit the button, "Hey, baby."

I could hear his smile in his voice, "Sounds like your lunch went well."

"It did!" I was still excited from lunch and the phone call with Angie after. "I like my advisor. There's only ten of us in the program with the plan to add ten more each fall."

"Wow!" He interjected. "So being accepted is even more impressive."

"Yeah." I was proud of myself. "Small and first-year makes everything very personalized. All of the potential classes overlap with other programs. Cognitive theory from Psych, advanced reading from Education, some Education Law and leadership, computer tech, and even game design. We spent a lot of time talking about what I’m passionate about. In the and I’m thinking I want to focus on reading intervention and programming for K-3."

"Which is what you're passionate about."

I laughed, "and you."

"And me. Did you just talk about direction or is there a plan? What coursework did they accept."

"The fifteen hours I've taken will apply. We designed a basic timeline. I've taken six hours the last two years. I'm confident I can handle that with work and having a life. If I want to take more I can. I don't want to take classes in the summer. Those are usually compressed and pretty intense, plus I'm not in a hurry. Somewhere in the middle, I write a thesis, which looks at a problem or a hole in what already exists. That will feed into my dissertation. I can either do research and design an experiment like comparing existing programs or create my own product."

"Any idea which way you want to go?"

"None at all. I figure the thesis will help figure that out."

"And when do I have to start calling you Doctor?" The seductive tone in his voice told me "have to" wasn't going to be a hardship.

"Three to four years. No summers and using the last semester for my dissertation is four. If I add a class in a couple of semesters or summer and do my dissertation concurrently then three. I have to be done in ten. I'm thinking I’ll figure out what I want to do the first two then design and implement the last two. A lot will depend on how long that takes." He couldn't see me, but I was waving a hand in the air. "It will work itself out."

"I love you."

"I love you. Enough me, tell me about your day."

We talked the rest of the way home where we had some fun.

I called Seattle and went through it all again with Ed. He was as excited and proud of me as was Seb. I found it a little sadly ironic that my lover was in a time zone six hours ahead, my family was three hours behind, and the ones in the same time zone weren't going to know for a few days. I didn't trust them to not take away from my accomplishment, neither did Ed, which meant they'd have to wait. Hell, they barely knew I'd been in France. They'd get to know once I was finished celebrating with people who would just be happy for me. That pushed a Georgia phone call off to the weekend after the volleyball tournament. Maybe after practice tomorrow if I could get my school lunch bunch to come for drinks, I’d even buy. I had no problem funding my own celebration. I just wanted my friends there. Angie and Eli were coming for the weekend. Maybe I'd call while they were here. Eli could make angry faces while Angie tried to scold him. Then either way it went we could drink our way through. That was a good plan. I texted all involved and they agreed.

I ran back out to the grocery for fresh berries, yogurt, and wine to go with my cheese. I bought other good for detox items and healthy foods. A stopped by a smoothie shop for a raspberry white chocolate protein drink. It was amazing how quickly I slid into my summer schedule. Run to the gym to work out. Run home. Have breakfast and practice guitar. Do whatever until it was warm enough to go lay by the pool and read or float. Have dinner, meet up with friends, volleyball practice, or lay on the couch with Netflix

Sebastian and I would text sporadically throughout the day. About nine my time, so three am for him, I'd send him a picture. One Angie took or something I'd taken during the day. He always woke up to see me. Some days that was more arousing than others. We talked almost every day. Maybe five minutes or an hour. Night shoots were the worst. He was working while I was awake and I was asleep during his time off.

The weekend Angie and Eli came down was fun. Friday night we stayed in watching movies and drinking. Saturday's tournament was going well until storms came through. The radar said there were hours of rain left, so they canceled. Since all our plans had been canceled we decided on a bar crawl. Which meant Sunday was spent recovering. We went to brunch at the riverside restaurant where Sebastian and I had our first date. On the drive back I made plans for calling Georgia. Angie and Eli were my get away plan. We went out on the back patio. I set up my iPad where they would only see me, but I could see my support system.

Dad picked up almost immediately, “Hey, Emma. You’re home. Amy told us you were in France.”

“Sebastian had an event so we made it a short vacation.”

“Sounds fun.” My mom had entered the frame. “I bet you appreciated things you overlooked before.”

I laughed, “I did. All those things I saw pictures of later and wished I’d paid more attention to. We had a good time.”

“That’s great.”

Time to dive in. “I wanted to tell you some good news.”

Amy jumped into frame and interrupted, “Can I hear too?”

I ignored the question and just went on, “I was accepted into a new Doctoral program at NYU. It’s education and digital media. It’s new so we’re building my program as we go.”

“That’s great news, Emma.” Dad looked excited, “Dissertation and everything?”

“Yes, it can be research or designing a project. I’ve got about three years to get that figured out. They accepted the post-grad classes I’ve been taking.”

“Congratulations, sweetheart. We’re proud of you.” Mom’s smile was bright.

“My baby sister is going to be a Doctor. I need to figure out my future.”

I shook my head, “You’ll figure it out. What’s right for you and my beautiful niece. She’s a job and a half.”

“I am not enjoying this age.”

“That’s why I teach first grade and not kindergarten or preschool.”

We talked a bit more about school, what was going on there, and how things were with Amy and Max. Mom asked about Sebastian, where he was, and if things were good between us. Instead of shutting her down, like I had in the car, I talked about him.

Not a minute after we hung up Amy texted, “How’s Sebastian feel about calling you Dr? *wink*wink*”

I sent back, “Exactly, like that.”

I closed my tablet and looked at my friends. I was not comfortable. Sure, the conversation had gone fine, but it didn’t feel fine. “That went better than expected.”

“This time.” Eli grimaced, “Sorry.”

“That’s what makes this so hard. This looks normal, but it’s not. If it was, I wouldn’t have this not in the bit of my stomach and want friends here when I talk to them. That’s not normal.”

Angie came over to kneel beside me, bringing me into a hug, “No, it’s not. You don’t need us when you call Seattle.”

Eli joined us, “I don’t think they know what they’re doing, but it doesn’t change it, Emma.”

I laughed, “I know.” I kissed his cheek. Dealing with my parents was worse for him than it was for me. I hated seeing people I love hurt too. I wasn’t hurt though. It was a weird numb.

“You ok, Em?”

I met Angie’s eyes, “I am. Just weird. The happier I am, the more good things going on, the more distant I feel. The better I’m doing, the less supportive they are.”

“Yep!” Eli didn’t hesitate to agree. “And that’s not alright.”

I mussed his hair, “No, it’s not.”

The next week was more of the same. I registered for my fall classes and my books were delivered by Wednesday. I started reading. Yes, I'm that student. I liked to get a head start. I'd never taken classes in the fall. The first month of teaching was exhausting. It took time and energy to get first graders ready to learn. I wasn't sure how that would work with starting my classes. Getting ahead on reading seemed the safest approach.

Thursday afternoon Sebastian called. Drunk. I guess wrapping in Paris was worthy of a party. The rest of cast and crew were packing up and heading to Rome. Sebastian was flying halfway around the world to San Diego's Comic-Con. He'd spend thirty-two hours of his four day weekend in a plane, which meant he was drunk and a little grumpy. By the time I was done with him he was still drunk, but no longer grumpy. He was naked, smiling, and satisfied. Well, as satisfied as he could be over the phone. Even drunk he was insistent that he not see me masturbating for the first time on video. We should have taken care of this.

I set an alarm for the middle of the night to make sure he was awake and would make his plane. It was worth it to lay in bed together.

[cxrsedsouls]

( @lunarxdaydream​ ) submitted:

requested gifts (2/2)

“… I don’t know what to buy him this year.” Hand pressed against her forehead as a sight of defeat falls. Coffee half untouched amidst the growing frustration of narrowing down the perfect gift. Sebastian could practically have anything his heart desired. Money is of no matter to him. Simple as he lived, it didn’t take from the stress of trying to find a suitable present to wrap for Christmas. What is she supposed to buy someone who lacked nothing?

“Selestiana … I need some help.” Palm withdraws to support her cheek; an elbow left to prop on the table’s edge. “Has Sebastian given you any hints about something?” If there was anyone who spoke to him aside from her, it was certainly his elder sister. Perhaps more now considering the small fiasco he caused with the whole –

Right, what did happen with that? The poor man must have been overwhelmed when they appeared. And with Sebastian not discussing the topic afterward, Bella was left in the dark. Call her nosy. Curious. Concerned even when she remembered the urgency in his tone and the shift in his expression when they finally prepared to introduce themselves. Dear, loving, sweet Sebastian had changed so quickly it dizzied her.

“Actually, before we go back out to shop …” As if a boost of energy is needed, a sip of coffee is taken. Melted chocolate and whip cream infusing bitter caffeine with the perfect balance of sweetness to sate her craving. “… Who was that guy you were with? – Sebastian was ready to call in the entire military.”

That is if he didn’t already by now. Did he have the stranger investigated? Followed?

"Why didn't you tell us you were on land?"

Inbox Call

While those from Atlantis didn’t celebrate Christmas, it seemed the idea of gift giving had begun to spread. Not only had Sebastian begun shopping but Selestiana too. And this was the perfect time to get out and find gifts for everyone. A soft sip of tea is taken as Selestiana listened to what would soon be her sister in law. Even if Sebastian hadn’t popped the question yet. She knew it was coming and with the two of them so deeply in love, Selestiana was sure that Bella would say yes. 

She loved these moments together, just her and Bella like this. Like real sisters. A shame that Evangeline wasn’t interested in such things very much or it would have been nice for her to come as well. Perhaps next time.

“Hints?” Head tilts, long pink curls softly cascading over her shoulder as she let her mind roam. There were so many options for someone like Sebby, while he didn’t need or want for much, there was still so much he’d love to receive especially from Bella, of all people. Ideas floated around in her mind, recalling various things and ready to help the other as much as she could before the next part had the breath freezing in her lungs.

A small flush fills fair cheeks as purple irises now stare down into her cup. “Well, Sebastian always told me stories of what it was like here on land and I... guess I wanted to see for myself.” She laughs softly, a delicate finger trailing along the rim of her mug. “I came to one of those festivals he spoke so much of, it was so lovely. So many people, so many games. Everything seemed so magical. I didn’t want to say anything because I knew you two hadn’t had much time together so I just... snuck out.”

The princess shoots a sheepish grin towards Bella. “That’s where I met him, Greyson. It had rained earlier and was a bit muddy. I slipped and he helped me. From there he’s just been nothing but incredibly kind and offered to show me around. I was not expecting Sebastian to react that way... I’ve never seen that side of him before.” Then again, he’s never had cause for it before. Everyone knew the royal family in Atlantis, no one would ever dare harm them. But up here? This was a whole different world full of people that didn’t have the best intentions, so in a way, she doesn’t blame Sebastian for worrying, she just wishes he was a little easier on them.

[juminly]

Sugar & Spice

Matchup story written for @nafeary. ❤

Context: From the moment you walked through that door, you made yourself at home (at an incredible pace). Some of the residents were more than pleased to have someone new in the mansion, someone that could stir things up a bit and make things a bit livelier. And others (mostly Mozart, Jean and Isaac) wondered why they would even hope to disrupt the semblance of peace that they have.

You were surrounded by geniuses of all the arts and you were definitely going to take advantage of that. You took the time to spend time with each one of the residents or they would even invite you to spend time with them. Mozart told you about his music and would let you listen while he composed (after you made him understand that you would not leave him alone cause this is an opportunity of a lifetime that you wouldn’t miss), history and warfare from Napoleon, physics from Isaac and the list goes on and on.

One of the residents that seemed to be irritated by your presence was Theodorus. Or at least, that’s what you thought. He always had snarky comments, stating his opinion even when he wasn’t asked. It only seemed that you argued all the time.

[The few times that he’s called you “Hondje”, the punches he got from you were enough to make him stop. You were not all bark, you would bite too (he loved that but never admitted it)]

But that wasn’t the truth. You could call it “intellectual tension”. You were constantly engaged in debates without you noticing it. Theodorus had a wealth of knowledge when it came to the arts, appraising assets and had a keen eye for talent and genius.

He saw something in you and sometimes deep inside him actually believed that he didn’t really have anything to teach you and he somehow had to prove himself.

The day that brought you closer together was a very very weird idea from Sebastian. This man suddenly comes up with things and everyone has to go along with him because he always puts it under the guise of “this was advised by Monsieur le Comte”. He had prepared a cooking lesson where he taught you how to make the most delicious pancakes. Theodorus had a ferocious sweet tooth and if pancakes were involved, he would definitely play nice. And since he was guaranteed a plate stacked with over 8 pancakes, for the first time since you arrived, both of you actually had a nice time together, teasing one another about your techniques and talked about everything and anything that crossed your minds.

From that day and onwards, you would often bond over pancakes (and even go on walks) and he’d be interested to know about the exploits of other artists in the future (and see how he can learn from the information you have to give him).

[he once said: “are you ready for your walk, Hondje?” and you made him regret him by refusing to talk to him until he apologized profusely and in front of all residents for  his insolent behaviour]

As an avid lover and fanatic of Shakespeare and English literature in general, almost every single resident in the mansion froze when you mentioned his name. Except for Vincent. He was delighted to take you to see him.

In Theodorus’ mind, Shakespeare was a threat. To his brother and to you (he didn’t necessarily care about you [that’s what he tells himself] but you were the Comte’s guest so all residents had some sort of responsibility to ensure your safety]. He never liked him and he never will. He recognizes his genius but could clearly see, in those dichotomic eyes, an abyss of grief, darkness and sin. The man was starved for his muse and the universe to bless him with inspiration to create more art. And Theodorus didn’t want you to be a victim of that. 

[Shakespeare was no threat to you. He was pleased by your fascination with his work and enjoyed your conversations. He noticed the younger Van Gogh’s behaviour and knew for a fact that there would be other individuals who would have a part in your story. He would have to sit this one out and just watch.]

Everytime you and Vincent had a visit to Shakespeare’s place, Theodorus would escort you there and back. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t give a damn but something inside him wanted to interact more with you. He knew that you could possibly open more doors for him. He noticed that you had an eye for things, very perceptive and analytical and your curiosity was your best trait. The more information you get, the better decisions and arguments you can make.

On your way to and from Shakespeare’s place, you and Theodorus would sometimes take detours while Vincent would go buy painting supplies. The younger Van Gogh would take you to art galleries, ask your opinion about other artists’ pieces and as time went by, he started taking you with him when he’d try to negotiate deals for certain venues. You would help him assess the locations, the type of public/audience that surrounded the area and debate on whether it would get the right exposure for Vincent’s art.

The more you both interacted with one another, you discovered that you both might seem like you’re rough around the edges but what drives you the most is your curiosity and your desire to uncover/discover the broad horizons that the world actually had to offer. Theodorus believed in you and knew that you were capable of so much and was so glad that you found yourself in the mansion with all these men, to learn and be who you aspire to be. 

After a while, Mozart was so used to your behaviour which was bizarre to him but completely normal to you. You didn’t take it personally cause Mozart thought everyone was weird. Listening to the composer just play, day and night, ethereal music just swimming in the air and coursing through your body. You would close your eyes and enjoy the music, and sometimes, even dance to it.

Theo passed by the room a few times and thought that you were probably out of your mind… Then after a few times, he couldn’t help but sneak into the music room and dance with you. He was surprisingly light on his feet and it said a lot about his upbringing, something that he was not fond of talking about, but you couldn’t blame him for it.

Genuine smile and seemed like he was enjoying himself, he held you up and twirled you around, letting your feet land on his so he could do all the leading and you would just have to enjoy the ride. Dancing together, your laughter was enough to earn you both a good scolding from Mozart, however, you could see the slight quirk in the corner of his lips. He was pleased to see others thoroughly enjoy his music.

Your interactions with Arthur were always interesting. And this man had a thing with harassing you in the hallway, inviting you into his room, leaning in close, wanting to show you all the joy and pleasure a vampire has to offer. It became more of a joke and a type of banter you would engage in with the mystery writer. However, Theo was not aware of that. He happened to pass by one of your interactions one day and didn’t hesitate to growl loudly at Arthur for making a pass at you, even baring his fangs at him. [He was then so embarrassed to know that both of you were just joking around and immediately left with a disgruntled expression. (you definitely saw a pout also!)]

One day, Arthur was feeling very playful and invited you out to hang out with him at the bar. He had a few games in mind and he had a lot to “teach you”. Even with his sneaky attitude, you tagged along with him and had quite an eventful night. Arthur played a few rounds of poker with some other patrons, with you at his side. He gave you tips on how to read people and pointers on how to find their weak points and tells.

When the clock struck 11, Arthur excused himself to the restroom, leaving you surrounded by the other patrons who took it as an opportunity to make a move on you.

And who just happened to enter the bar at the same exact moment? The younger Van Gogh. (Well played, Arthur).

Theo’s eyes almost flashed at the sight of those men, leering so disgustingly over you. In the blink of an eye, he was by your side and glaring daggers at them. “If you value your own life, I suggest you all stay put in your seats. You, come with me.” Unsure on whether he should take you by the hand or not, he stepped aside and gestured for you to join him with his hand.

One of the men did the grave mistake of trying to reach for you and you could almost swear you heard Theodorus threaten to cut both his hands off if he dared to touch you. 

Once you made it to the table, you saw how flustered the man was and the crease between his eyebrows was so deep. It wasn’t a look that suited him but it obviously amused you to see him in a state like this (in a situation that has nothing to do with his brother).

Theo: Why on earth are you here at this godforsaken hour? Toni: Theo… you need to relax.

Theo: Easy for you to say, Hond… Toni. Do you even realize what those men were planning to do to you? Toni: It doesn’t really matter what they were planning to do. I wasn’t going to let them do anything to me anyway. You know me. Plus, I’m not even here on my own. Arthur was with me. Theo: *his frown only got worse and he covered his face with his hands, rubbing hard* That son of a… Toni: *you leaned closer to him, rubbing your thumb between his brow* As much as I like seeing you like this, this expression doesn’t suit your smug (and stupidly) handsome face. Theo: *he scoffed and a crooked smile appear on his face* Handsome, huh? Toni: Oh, shut your mouth. It’s not like you weren’t really aware of that.

Theo: *exhales and shakes his head* Arthur got me good. 

Toni: Huh? Theo: He knows that I believe you’re a masterpiece… I can see it in your eyes. You’re so strong, so fierce… *he gently takes your hand and kisses the inside of your palm* Don’t look at me like that. I’m serious… *he keeps talking and it almost seems like he’s pouting, his cheeks tinted in the most adorable shade of pink* You’re a treasure that I’ve come across…You’ve become so precious to me and… I can’t let you go. *he pressed a soft kiss on your lips* I don’t want to.

You told him from the very start that you were asexual. Theodore was not shy to ask you any questions about what that meant and to learn more about you. If anything, It taught him to look at things in a different way, especially in how he expressed his love to you.

When you became lovers, you discovered that he has trouble sleeping and barely manages to get a few hours a day. He worries too much about his brother, about the future of his art and whether he’s actually capable of getting people to truly recognize his work. Apparently, he spends all night just reading books and occasionally drinking. But, not for long!

You would force the tall boy in bed and force him into a death-grip cuddle so that he can’t distract himself with anything else but focusing on laying by your side, your warmth and your voice. You would hammer the truth into him, lay it on thick and you knew for a fact that he would do the same for you. You would tell him all the things he needed to hear and know, tell him where he should try to grow and also know when and how to let go. No sugar-coating and no poetry or romancing involved in it. Both of you kept things real all the time which is something that you adored about one another.

If you touch the ridges of his ear, he’ll get awfully ticklish and call you a “monster’ and you couldn’t help but grin at that and say  “I’m your little monster”.

That was enough to make this grown-ass man all blushy and mumble something along the lines of “Don’t be so full of yourself”.

His weakness is whenever you actually make him feel like he belongs to you and you belong to him.  

As a token of his love for you, Theo came up with an interesting idea and wanted both of you to share something that reminded you of one another. He gifted you a pair of amethyst earrings (your horoscope gemstone) but there was a catch. One earring for you and the other for him. So you both went to get your ears pierced in the same place and wore it with pride.

He acknowledges the fact that you have your limits and boundaries and he fully respects them. Relationships are all about giving and taking.

He vowed to you that he would not take blood from another and only drink Blanc and Rouge. He cannot fathom the idea of drinking from another human but you. It went without saying that, only if you were willing and actually wanted to, he would gladly drink your blood. From which part of your body? He didn’t give a damn, even if it were from the tip of your finger, he would be satisfied to know the taste of the blood that courses through your vein, the taste of the life in you. As a vampire, he can’t help his instincts in wanting to consume the blood of his beloved.

He gets a bit flustered if he gets hard and usually just jerks himself to get it out of the way. He also enjoys it when you talk to him while he’s pleasuring himself, reminding him how much you love him (Nothing makes him happier than when he hears those words from you, even if they make him blush) and whenever you feel like giving him a hand, he’ll never actively ask for it though.

Theo did the stupid mistake of teasingly asking you for a kiss and smirking at you. He’d expect you to get on the tip of your toes and try to reach for his lips. What he didn’t expect was for you to punch him in the gut and grab his face and kiss him while he was hunched over. Smug bastard got what he deserved but he was pained and happy nonetheless.

Arthur can’t help but chuckle whenever he sees how Theodorus looks at you or acts around you. He’d tease him and say that you’ve tamed the wolf and turned him into a mutt.

And you’d simply reply back by saying “Maybe it was just meant to be” and didn’t that just draw a shit-eating grin on your boyfriend’s face (he stopped calling you Hondje a long time ago).

Places he kisses to show you affection: your wrists and temples.

Bonus:

Dazai would always use the following nicknames “curious little thing” and “curious little creature” just to tease you.

But your boyfriend was having none of that. Theo was not taking any of that and the writer’s intentions were more than clear to him. He’d sneer at him with “This little creature is mine. Make sure to remember that.”

It’s as if Theodorus knew, that if he didn’t approach you in time… Dazai would be the one to snatch you since he’s your runner-up suitor. ;)

[curious-kittens-ocs]

Malfoy’s Ring

Okay I didn’t know how I finished this... I thought it was going to be one of my many onehots never to be written. Its also kinda long. I feel really proud of myself. I even managed to do a bit of rewriting and writing for Dreaming Reality. Anyways, here’s a little one-shot snippet thing. Shoutout to @abbyarcxnes for helping me. Thanks! <3

Ashcroft Tag: @bravelittleflower , @lizziesxltzmxn , @prophecy-grrl , @foxesandmagic Forever tag: @perfectlystiles , @guardiansofheroes (If you want to be added, or taken off of my tag. Just shoot me an ask.)

Draco knew crossing through the Ashcroft portkey would be risky, and no doubt Mr. Ashcroft would know who was coming through. He already thought poorly of Draco. Even though threat of harm from a hit wizard, frightened him. Draco cared more for Skylar’s well being than her father’s wrath. Taking a deep breath composing himself. He pushed opened the side gate to the Ashcroft backyard. The gate closed behind him sealing the portkey shut until activated again.

The aura surrounding the mansion was heavy and somber. Nothing new for the Ashcroft mansion, but as Draco stepped closer, he saw that only one of the lights were lit. It was Nathaniel’s study. It seemed as the dark lords plans began to go into effect the less and less Draco saw of his own father. It probably was similar for Skylar. Off to the side of the house was another light. Mrs. Ashcroft’s greenhouse.

The greenhouse brought a sense of life onto the mansion grounds, the idea of helping something live kept Skylar content. She had stopped receiving letter from her friends, even Harry… and Sebastian no longer tried to reach out to her. It was for their own good and at least they finally decided to take her word for it. Skylar set the watering can down on the table and sat down on the spiral staircase.

Draco caught sight of Skylar sitting on the iron bench. She wore a dark jumper and jeans. As usual her long hair was pulled back in a dark red bow. It made him smile to himself that the red bow was only red to upset Nathaniel. Instead of her being in Slytherin like Sebastian or Nathaniel, she followed in her mother’s footsteps as a Gryffindor. It was not a subject Draco would dare bring up in front of Nathaniel as the loss of Renee was still sore.

Inching closer to see the mark on her arm Draco didn’t notice the toolbox on the floor. The sound of tools shifting in the container startled the two in the greenhouse. Skylar stood and her hand instinctively went to her wand, pointing it towards Draco.

“Draco?! I could have hurt you! What are you doing here?” Skylar lowered her wand and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “If my father catches you-”

“I didn’t mean to scare you; your father is most likely in his study. I’m sure he is focused more on some task.” Draco wove off the vague threat of the hit-wizard. The silence of the Ashcroft property overcame the two of them. As the time passed them by Draco stuck his hands in his pockets to stop fiddling with his hands. He hadn’t known what to say now that he was in front of Skylar. Skylar had mimicked him, but Draco knew that she had stuck her hands in her pockets to avoid seeing parts of Draco. She had been forced to discard her gloves whenever the dark lord wanted to see what was next for fate.

“Are you sure you want to stay Draco?”

“Your father hasn’t stepped foot in the greenhouse in many years Skylar. I think I’ll be alright, besides… this is where I’m meant to be.”

“So, what was the reason you came over here then? If not to see my father that is.” Skylar snapped; her accusation was meant to hurt Draco. He had not seen Skylar in a while. He refused to cross the portkey partially of fear, and the other part because the last time he was there. Their argument had brought up harsh realities.

“He was here, wasn’t he?” Draco’s voice was softer than usual. The two of them shared a pained expression. “I wanted to see you… My father suggested different. That you needed rest.” Draco looked up from his dress shoes when he heard sniffling. The tears had already started to fall. “Skylar,” He went to hold her, only to be met with her shying away from his touch. It was clear she didn’t want to see anything anymore by accident. The look in her eyes showed he had seen too much. Draco’s eyes darted around the greenhouse finding a pair of gardening gloves and picked them up. He hit them against his hands getting off a majority of the mulch and dirt, then gave them to Skylar. Her eyes lit up and she put them on eagerly. Once the gloves were secure on both her hands Draco quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her against his chest.

Skylar’s stiffness soon melted away in Draco’s arms. The waterworks broke free and she grabbed at his shirt. Skylar didn’t care about the dirt that would most likely stain his dress shirt, nor did Draco care. His arms tightened around her shaking frame. “I’m do tired Draco… I don’t want to do this anymore.” Her words pulled at Draco’s heart. “I now understand my mother’s choice to say no… I wish it would all just… be over.”

Draco wasn’t aware he had shed a few tears until he felt a dampness on his cheeks. Quickly he wiped his eyes and returned his grip to Skylar’s embrace. As Skylar calmed down, Draco ushered them over to the bench and sat down. She sat crisscross facing him and he sat with one leg pulled up to his chest. “I’m sorry about the dirt on your shirt.” Skylar took off the gloves to wipe her own eyes. Draco shrugged. Setting the gloves in her lap the two did not meet each other’s eyes. Afraid of what to say next.

“Draco-”

“Skylar-”

The two cut each other off, followed by a short chuckled from either. Replaced by the silence once again. Skylar was the first to look two Draco. Catching sight of his family signet ring. He wished and practically begged to wear it when he was younger. Lucius Malfoy instructed that Draco would get it when he was older and ready for it. Ready. Ready for the burden that comes with it. Looking up more Skylar observed his paler skin and sunken eyes. Was he skinnier? She couldn’t tell, he was always skinny, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he had lost weight. She had done the same, she couldn’t stomach any food made with the horrors she saw. “Finally go dad’s ring hmm?”

Draco looked to her then to the ring, using his other hand to try and hide it. It didn’t work when Skylar grabbed his hand. It was Draco’s turn to try and shy away from her touch. Her grip only tightened on his hand. Her grip relaxed when Draco relaxed his hand. Her hand was soft, fingers trailed along his hand, flipping it to trace the lines on his palm. He could tell she was concentrating on not looking too deeply. “Yeah…”

Skylar held his hand and ran her index finger over the M. “Malfoy…”

“Ashcroft,” Draco snarked back to her. He smirked over to her hoping to raise her spirits. He saw her roll her eyes and smile at his attempt. It worked. “I got it just after I got the other thing.”

“My father took the gloves after I got the other thing,” The two of them knew what the other was talking about, but refused to speak publicly about it, even to each other. “Those were a sense of protection for me...”

“I’ll protect you Skylar.” Skylar dropped Draco’s hand and looked taken back.  “I hope you know that… I’ll protect you. And it’s not just because were arranged to be married.” Skylar laughed at the last comment.

“I’m sure by now you realized I don’t need protecting.”

“I’m very much aware of that, but I just wanted you to know that.” Draco put his leg down and turned to fully face Skylar. Taking her hands in his own, his thumbs brushing over her knuckles. “I needed you to know that. You have been my longest friend, the one person whose always been there for me. Listened to me and accepted all of my flaws… you know there are many… the least I can do is protect you. I promise that Skylar…” Abruptly Draco let go of her hands and took off his signet ring. He turned one of her hands palm up and stuck the ring in her hand. He closed her hand with his own and took a deep sigh of relief when he saw her loving gaze meet his eyes.

“Draco Malfoy, you just gave me your ring-” She giggled and took a moment to compose herself for the major conversation. They were in a war and giving a declaration like that one need to be taken seriously. Skylar moved on hand behind her head and pulled loose the red bow. Her hair fell free framing her face. “You have been my longest friend and didn’t care about the differences in my family. And when I told you about this gift I have you did not let it change your opinion of me. I could not have asked anyone to take the risks you have taken for me. This is my promise to you, I will protect you.” Skylar grabbed Draco’s hand once more and rolled up his sleeve. She saw the dark mark staining his skin. Her fingers traced it before she tied her bow around his wrist. “There, now if we are forced apart, we have a part of each other.” Skylar slid the Malfoy signet around ring finger. The ring was charmed to fit the finger it was placed on and it sized to fit Skylar’s digit. Skylar smiled at the ring on her finger, and the bow on Draco’s wrist.

Skylar was the first to move next, shifting on the bench to be closer to Draco. He sat frozen, from both fear and tension. He knew Skylar cared for or still fancied Potter, but when she leaned her forehead against his own. The thought disappeared. The two closed their eyes both of their breaths shaky, waiting for the other to act.

“Thank you,” She whispered to him.

“For what?” He whispered back, his voice low and husky.

“For being you.” She laughed softly, her hand suddenly cupping his cheek to lean in and kissed his warm lips. It was gentle and yet another gift. Pulling apart their eyes met, and their breaths were shallow.

Unable to take it anymore, Draco grabbed Skylar’s head in his hands and pulled her back against his lips. Skylar matched his passion and kissed him back just as hard. For the first time in what seemed forever, Skylar’s every thought was obliterated. Her mind was not locked into the future, but the present. This very second. Everything else disappeared. Draco’s hand found its way around the back of Skylar’s neck urging to deepen the kiss. She followed his lead and moved closer to him one of her hands pressed against his chest. Draco’s arms snaked around her waist pulling her closer. Skylar got his signals and had moved to straddle him.

Suddenly the room was engulfed in light and the door swung open. They broke apart as quick as the room lit up being caught in an awkward situation. Both of them flushed and couldn’t meet the eyes of who walked in.

“Mr. Malfoy, I suggest you take the portkey home before I do something rash,” Skylar decided to be brave and look to see her Father standing in the greenhouse. The lights exposed his own dark circles and age lines. Skylar and Draco stood off the bench their hands intertwined and remained still, in shock that Nathaniel had ventured into the greenhouse. “Now Mr. Malfoy.” Draco realized if he didn’t go then, it would have ended poorly. He walked forward and let Skylar’s hand slip through his fingertips. “Goodnight, Mr. Malfoy.”

“Good evening, sir.” Draco muttered, refusing to meet Nathaniel’s eyesight fear of the scornful look he was no doubt giving him. At the doorway Draco looked back to see Skylar staring at him. He saw a slight scared look in her eyes, for him and for herself. “Goodnight, Skylar.”

“Goodnight, Draco,” Skylar whispered in response, watching Draco leave the greenhouse. Once he was out of sight Skylar looked back to the floor, and for comfort fiddled with the signet ring now adorning her finger.

“Skylar,” Nathaniel said, pointing to the manor. “Get inside the house. Now.” She did not need to be told more than once. She quickly moved passed her father and into their house.

Nathaniel took a deep breath smelling the many plants and flower that grew in the greenhouse. All pulled at his heart, reminding him of Renee. He loved that his children kept them alive- if only he had done the same for Renee. Pulling his wand from his coat pocket Nathaniel took one last breath and look around. “Goodnight, my love… Nox.” Shutting the door behind him the greenhouse darkened slowly. A shadowy figure stood among the flowers. Dark hair cascading down her back and a smile on her lips. She let the tears fall from her eyes, slowly disappearing into the shadows.

[mydarlingklaus]

The Apology

Part 3 of the angsty “The Merge” arc is now updated! Highly anticipated reunion between Klaus and Lizzie. So glad you all have been enjoying these drabbles! Thank you for leaving all your reviews on my ff account, I appreciate it! You can find part 1 here  and part 2 here! Enjoy :)

WARNING: Angst galore!

**********************************************************

New Orleans, 2:45 AM

Klaus' elbows rested on the lengthy solid wood dining table as his interlocked fingers covered his trembling mouth and flared nostrils—eyes practically burning a hole through Lizzie's forehead who was sitting across the other side. Carefully watching as she ate the grilled cheese sandwich he prepared for her—raising children forced him to learn his way around the kitchen. After Klaus paid the cab driver and compelled him to forget arriving here and picking anyone up in the last two hours, he was too enraged to speak to Lizzie when she eventually brought her luggage inside. Figured making her a meal would ease his mind and rationalize his thoughts—it did not.

As she settled in Klaus called Alaric to inform him about Lizzie's whereabouts—of course Caroline was his first option but he was still feeling petty. The insufferable human speaking over him was irritating, especially when realizing they contacted each other just a few seconds apart. Josie and Hope were both heavily interrogated by Caroline and Alaric. Hope was clueless but eventually they were able to pull the truth out of Josie. The news broke Klaus' heart all over again, but he reassured Alaric that Lizzie was safe in New Orleans and would call back after talking with her first.

Her bites were small, awkwardly shifting her attention down at the plate and up at the man with dagger eyes. One cheek resembled a chipmunk's as she prolonged each chew in the hopes that Klaus would be the first to break the dead silence—no such luck. She knew Klaus was pissed, which was unusual towards her because he had never genuinely been upset with her in the past.

She gulped the food down her throat with a dramatic swallow before placing the remainder of the sandwich on the porcelain plate. Using the napkin on her lap to rid her mouth of crumbs, subtly clearing her throat.

"Um, thanks for the food by the way. I was starving." Lizzie extended her gratitude with a soft smile that fell when Klaus did not reciprocate.

The silent treatment was growing tiresome, along with Lizzie's patience.

"Did you call my mom?"

His stomach clenched at the reference, but he finally spoke. "I called your father, actually, at the exact same time he called me."

"Are you two wonder twins or something?" She half joked, but Klaus obviously was not amused causing her to clear her throat. "So this means they already knew I was here. Well Josie certainly knows how to keep a secret huh." She rolled her eyes.

"You're lucky she said something." Klaus blurted. "Everyone was worried about you, I was worried about you."

"And like I already told you, I'm fine. I made it here unharmed didn't I? You don't have to keep treating me like a child—"

"You are a child, Lizzie." Klaus' tone low and dark—dropping his hands onto the table but eyes of fury never leaving hers. "You're a beautiful and naive 17 year old girl who has lived in the bubble of a small town her whole life, and despite thinking you know everything about the dangers of the world, you don't."

"Klaus—"

"Anything could have happened to you, anything, do you understand?" His glare deepened.

She groaned while rolling her eyes. "Yes, yes I get that but—"

"There are no 'buts'!" He slammed his hand on table,frightening the teenage girl. "And obviously you don't get it otherwise you wouldn't have done something so...so selfish and irresponsible! How many times do I have to explain to you girls, just because you're a powerful witch in Mystic Falls does not make you invincible to the real world. Evil comes in all shapes and forms, you have no idea what to look for. People in this city know who you are and how important you are to me. Why do you think I'm so protective over you all whenever you visit? What if someone recognized you wandering this hectic city alone at this hour, with some vendetta thinking they have something to prove by..."

He wiped his hand over his face exasperatedly, inhaling and exhaling as he regrouped, hating when his mind wandered to the darkest of places. Since Caroline became a permanent part of his life Klaus not a day went by he wasn't terrified for her safety, even more with the twins. The nightmares he never told her about of his deepest fears. He's had to protect Hope her entire life from the dark forces insistent on taking her away from him, now his family was expanding and felt helpless to stop life from happening to them. They inherited a thousand years worth of enemies and he couldn't be there for all of them at once. Seeing Lizzie, alone, on his doorsteps was among the most haunting images he's ever seen.

The witch rubbed her lips together, blinking away the sheen covering her blue eyes for a better visual of his disgruntled expression. Klaus wasn't simply upset, he was scared—clear as day on his face. Klaus has always been overprotective since they were kids and barely knew each other. Sometimes he was extreme: like not allowing her and Sebastian to go on unsupervised dates, or her having to text him her every move if she went on a trip without him, or one of his hybrids watching over at her football games when Klaus was unable to attend. It was behavior she grew accustomed to, fighting that is who he is. She underestimated how triggered he would be about her traveling on her own—expected some fleeting harsh words but his silence hurt more. Never did she mean to harm or scare him in any way.

Placing her hands out in front of her on the table, Lizzie picked at the fabric on the sleeves of her sweater.

"I'm sorry, okay. I never meant to freak you out. I just thought...I thought you'd be happy to see me." She said defeated.

Klaus' eyebrows furrowed, offended she would think otherwise. "Of course I'm happy to see you. I'm always happy to see you, Lizzie you know that. But you can't do reckless things like this and expect me not to, 'freak out', as you say." The tension slightly dissipating with his soft smirk. "I always worry, every bloody day about you girls when you're together, never even entertaining you all being apart. You mean...everything to me, do you understand?"

Lizzie understandably nodded as Klaus left his seat to walk over to her. Pulling out the chair beside her he sat down, with an expression ranging from relieved and anxious on his face. His hand reached out to hold hers on the table—giving them both much needed comfort.

"However, running away from home without warning is not an excuse. There are more pressing matters we need to discuss now that you're safe and well like, how did you acquire a plane ticket so last minute in the first place. How did you know I was here?"

The young witch swallowed audibly, squeezing his hand.

"Um, I sorta, well definitely, called Uncle Kol and told him I was running away and needed to see you. He didn't want to say anything at first but after much precision he finally told me you were in New Orleans and bought a ticket for me."

"HE WHAT?!" Klaus' eyes bulged and fist balled as he let her hand go.

As if the situation could not be worse—of course Klaus' delinquent of a baby brother was involved!

Lizzie winced, leaning back against her chair. "This is the reason I was holding off telling you..."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "How dare he...and he knew I would never allow it. I am going to kill him, violently, and you be sure to tell him so during your next chat." He huffed. "Why were you running away anyways?"

"Same reason you did." She answered, making Klaus pause.

His glare and jaw softened as the realization settled in.

"You know..."

She nodded again, with shifty eyes and a blank face.

"And Josie?"

"Of course I told her. She's my sister. There's enough lies running around the boarding school and this effects both of us, remember?"

He knew, eventually, the twins would have to find out but didn't feel any better with them knowing before he had time to process it himself. How was he to console them about a matter he could barely grasp? The time away from Mystic Falls—from Caroline—did little to clear his mind because every second he thought about it the anger resurfaced.

Klaus let out a deep exhale scooting his chair closer to her and rubbing his hands together.

"Do you, um...do you want to talk about it?" He asked concerned.

She scoffed while crossing her arms. "About the fact that in a few years I'm either going to die or be forced to murder my sister, and my parents have been lying to me about it my whole life? Thanks but no thanks."

"We're going to have to talk about this eventually." He tried to reason with her but her refusal was as stubborn as a brick.

"Then I'll wait for eventually." She decided with a shrug.

"Lizzie—"

"I'm tired." She yawned covering her mouth. "It's been a long day and I can barely keep my eyes open so, can I just go to my room now please?"

- Say no, say no.

Klaus was such a weakling when it came to his daughters, specifically Lizzie. Her big blue eyes and pouty lip held so much innocence she reminded him of the little girl he once knew.

It has been a long night, for both of them. They could always talk in the morning when they're both refreshed and willing. Quite frankly Klaus wasn't too jazzed about discussing the matter further tonight either—as long as Lizzie knew it was something to discuss, soon.

Reluctantly, Klaus bit his tongue and conceded with an affirmative nod.

The young witch grinned, widely, jumping out her chair eagerly and picking up her plate.

"I'll dispose of it. Get some sleep." Klaus insisted with a weak smile.

She could see it on his face how badly this was eating at him, maybe more than her. But her mind and body were drained—from the devastating information of her fate to hitching a last minute solo trip to New Orleans. Last thing she wanted was more talking, even from Klaus—enough talking.

Placing the plate down, she muttered a low 'thank you' before walking towards the staircase and leaving Klaus alone with his conflicted thoughts.

**************************************************************

9:10 AM

Breakfast in the Mikaelson manner was, awkward.

They all sat at the food-filled dining table together—Elijah and Hayley slowly sipped on coffee, Freya and Lizzie fawned over orange juice while Klaus nursed an alcoholic drink. Elijah discreetly tried to talk to talk to his brother about Lizzie's sudden arrival but Klaus didn't budge, nor did anyone outside of their immediate family need to know about this before they could tackle it themselves. Attempts at conversation were made in between fruit and pastry platters, but the trio were worried about stepping on anyone's toes which made everything more awkward. Klaus' irritability was written on his face, even for so early in the morning. The hybrid was running on two hours of sleep, barely capable of catching any slumber after Lizzie resides in her room for the night. He sat outside her door for about an hour before retreating downstairs to his study. He tried everything to keep his mind occupied: reading, sketching, brainstorming strategies for the next faction meeting but nothing worked.

Afraid if he closed his eyes he'd have another haunting nightmare; with Lizzie as the starring role.

Even reaching out to Caroline crossed his mind, once or twice. After finally turning his cellphone back on he played her voicemail over, and over again until it brought boredom—it never did. He missed her voice, the way she rambled when nervous and her smile that he could hear through the phone.

You give me comfort, and I could really use some of that right now.

So did he.

I miss you.

I'm sorry.

I need you.

He had to turn his phone off again just to fight the temptation. The tears already glossing his eyeballs as he contemplated throwing the bloody contraption in the lit fireplace. He hated feeling conflicted.

Despite how much he loved and missed her, nothing about the merge was simple nor fixable yet she kept it from him for years. Whatever her intentions Klaus was incapable of reasoning right now—not to mention the teenage runaway who sparked his blood just as much.

When his two siblings and Hayley finished their meals and left the mansion for an 'outing', he was left alone at the table with the stubborn teenager who appeared just as displeased.

"It's a bit early for bourbon, don't you think?" She sassed, flipping her blonde hair to the side while jamming her fork into a chocolate chip waffle.

Klaus knew those were her favorite.

"Let's just say, I've earned it." He raised a glass before downing the liquor in his throat then slamming it down on the table. "Are you enjoying breakfast?"

She nodded gleefully, pushing the empty fruit bowl away as the servant came around to dispose of dishes.

"You always have the best food, especially the waffles!" Lizzie praised before scarfing another piece into her mouth.

"I'm glad." He rewarded her with a soft grin, gesturing to the servant to scurry away until it was just him and his step-daughter. "Not to put a damper on a good morning but sweetheart, we really need to talk—"

"We should go into the Quarter today." Lizzie proposed.

His forehead creased and eyebrows pulled together at her blatant disregard for his request.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hayley...Auntie Hayley?" She raised a curious brow. "I'm still not really sure what I'm supposed to call her but, I overheard her talking about meetings you have coming up. I could totally audit some of them. I've been told I'm quite the stellar listener." She suggested, making Klaus more puzzled.

He sighed. "Lizzie—"

"Or," the smirking blonde witch rose from her chair, "we can ditch boring responsibilities and turn it into a fun day trip. Just me and you like old times. We can get some lunch at that Cajun restaurant you introduced me to on the last visit, before going to Jackson Square. I could really use a new painting for my room—"

"Lizzie stop." Klaus abruptly demanded, now standing at her level with an equally stern look.

The young girl's stretched smile deflated to a withdrawn frown. Her heart pounding cranky in her chest and her body went numb—unable to feel the over-pour of emotions hanging by a thread.

Cautiously, Klaus walked towards her and anxiously licking his reddened lips until he was across the room staring before her.

His loomed over her small figure intimidatingly, focusing his attention on her while hers was directed at their feet.

"I know you've been through quite a bit in the past 24 hours, more than anyone your age should endure." Klaus reasoned, reaching out to grab her shoulders comfortingly. "This is scary and surely you must have so many questions but we can't pretend this merge isn't real. We can't pretend it isn't happening because it is and we need to deal with how to move forward."

The girl laughed. "You mean like how my mom and dad 'dealt with it' by lying to me for the past 17 years? About how I'm destined to partake in a fatal duel of survival against my own twin sister?" She spat, looking up to expose her tearful eyes. "Or how you 'dealt with it' by running away from Mystic Falls the first chance you got instead of, I don't know, staying?!"

Klaus was perplexed as Lizzie wiggled out his grasp angrily and took a step back. Her cheeks a fiery red and small hands balled into even smaller fists. She was shaking but Klaus knew better than to approach her right now.

"Three days in your little blissful New Orleans bubble and just forgot about your family huh? You don't write, you don't call. What, you're allowed leave the problem like it doesn't exist but I can't?"

Her anger was manifesting, he could feel it.

He swallowed audibly. "That-that's more complicated—"

She screamed—more like a sharp screech like nails on a chalkboard—stunning Klaus. Her hands pulled at her hair unruly.

"Why, why is everything so damn complicated with this family! Complicated this or complicated that." She threw her hands up. "Why is that always the excuse used for none of us taking responsibility for the messed up things we do? No it's not complicated, it's actually simple. Just admit it, Klaus. Be the good man you want us to think you are...and admit it."

"You're upset, I understand—"

"Stop telling me what I am!" She groaned. "Or how I feel. I'm so tired of everyone doing that. You never did before. Just...just admit it..."

Klaus' own body began to tremble, but not out of anger.

"Admit what?" He asked warily.

"You left me, Klaus you left me!"

Her screams now accompanied with her thrashing the wooden cabinets of the dining room. The glass shield, along with the multiple place settings, now a scattered pile of pieces on the carpet. Telepathically knocking over every chair until the legs individually broke off, and shattering the lights above until they blacked out

Klaus' mouth opened and closed, completely astonished at her horrifically violent actions.

"Bloody hell!" He yelled, tugging at his hair. "Lizzie, what in the—"

"You said I could always depend on you except, when I actually needed you!" Throwing another plate into the wall.

He visibly swallowed. "Lizzie..."

"Don't come near me!" The witch sharply commanded when Klaus attempted to step forward, snatching a knife off the table in a haste.

His undead heart dropped into the pit of his stomach and face drained of color. The lump bobbed in his throat, wondering how they got here and how quickly could he deescalate the situation before venturing off to worse case scenarios. If he lunged at her there would be no chance.

Seeing no other option, he stayed in place holding his hands up to demonstrate his surrender but eyes never leaving the weapon in her small hand.

"Sweetheart, please..."

"You—you were the only person I wanted to talk to about this. Not Hope, not even Josie but you!" She exclaimed through clenched teeth, waving the sharp object aimlessly. "I just found out the most devastating news anyone could ever hear for their future. Do you know how that feels, to have your life taken from you like that, hm? I was the most terrified and angry I've ever been, and so confused. I needed you but—but you weren't there." Her sobs uncontrollable as she shook her head side to side frantically, the knife still in one hand—blade facing away—as she brought both up to cover her ears. Eyes pinched shut and face a deep cherry red.

Klaus stayed silent, not wanting to trigger her any more than she already was and cause more damage.

"You weren't there. I cried out for you, called your phone religiously all three days...but you never answered. You just left, without even saying goodbye. You left me alone. You didn't protect me..."

Correction: this was the most haunting image he's ever seen.

He stood there like a deer in headlights and an agonizing ache in his core.

The emotional thread finally snapped, and there was no saving from the rapture. When Lizzie wasn't scratching at her face and hair, she was throwing more furniture in sight and belted louder cries before helplessly falling to the ground—knees hitting first.

You didn't protect me...

Klaus experienced Lizzie's episodes before, recalling their intimate conversations where she confessed the amount of times she contemplated taking her own life. The dark thoughts she never went through with, but nonetheless scared herself to even let her mind go there in the first place. Klaus never told Caroline about the things Lizzie confided in him about, and he never would, but seeing her with that knife was cutting too close to home for his comfort.

He thought he was capable of handling her emotional mishaps, but this was a blend of pent up betrayal and fear that he had zero control over. So blinded by his own turmoil all he cared about was leaving the situation as quickly as possible, barely giving a thought to the people he was leaving behind. Not thinking, if he was going through he ringer like this imagine the twins. Knowing how Lizzie felt—how she's been feeling—and him being among the ones that hurt her made him physically sick.

What a coward, he thought, to abandon his family when they needed him the most? Caring for his then was all he cared about now, but already proving he was still capable of being a selfish prick with them. Failing at the only job that mattered—being a good father.

No more.

Rushing to her side, Klaus kicked the knife out her hand first then crouched down to cradle his incredibly strong but struggling daughter in his protective arms. Pulling her against him until she felt nothing but his warmth. Her hands stayed on her side, not embracing him fully, but Klaus was just relieved that she was allowing the hug at all.

Her tears staining his gray Henley as she buried her face into his calming embrace—the whimpers and screams muffled by his shield. Klaus caressed her hair and kissed the top of her head repeatedly, whispering reassuring words that she was safe as her cries continued to unfold. He wanted her to know she could be as vulnerable as needed, no holding back or saving face for anyone. For 1000 years Klaus suppressed his emotions to appear 'strong' and 'unbothered' but it only crippled him as the years went on—until Caroline—and even then took longer to understand what those feelings meant.

The huffing and puffing didn't let up the longer he held her—chest heavy and heaving.

Klaus gasped at the feel of her wrapping her arms around his waist, squeezing. Her death grip pierced into the fabric of his shirt as she healed onto him for dear life, never wanting to let him go. Each passing thought about the merge made her cry more.

Lizzie didn't plan on the outburst, not realizing how much she was hurting until the words began to spew. Her lungs felt shot , throat swollen and dry from the heavy cries and overflowing tears. Deep down this was the reason for her insistent denial. Discussing the matter meant it was real, and she wanted to hold onto the bliss a little while longer with the person who has made her feel the safest.

A few moments went by before Lizzie began to feel lighter and her breathing began to balance out. Her cries subtly ceased as she pulled her face from his chest. Lips plump and parted while observing the disaster she created—broken plates and glasses shattered on the floor and against the walls. Cabinet of silverware broken and chandelier barely hanging on. The shame began to overtake for not controlling her temper after working so hard towards not being an emotional wreck. As if all the progress she made was suddenly irrelevant. Hanging her head low until Klaus cradled her face in his hands, surprised to see his sunken reddened eyes matched hers.

In all the years of knowing Klaus she's never seen him cry, or any heavy emotion. He's been sad, sure, but nothing compared the bloodshot gaze directed towards her.

- Either he is the quietest crier to ever exist or I'm more self absorbed than I thought.

His thumbs swept across the skin underneath her eyes to rid them of the lingering tears, rewarding her with a sweet grin from his shaky lips. Even he was thrown off by his own wave of tears but...Klaus had a short list of people he actually cared about and seeing any of them in distress rubbed off on him.

Felt like 20 pounds had been lifted off both their chests, despite what brought them to this point.

"I'm sorry." Klaus said, his voice raspy.

Lizzie's sucked in her bottom lip, nodding her head.

"Klaus..."

He sniffled, giving her his full attention.

"I—Klaus—I don't want to die." She stammered, her throat beginning to tighten.

The hybrid nearly lost it, again. His eyes widened and mouth agape.

I don't want to die.

One of the first sentences Caroline ever said to him.

When he knew her strength before even knowing her—the baby vampire with the will to live. Who did not beg the powerful hybrid towering over her limp body for mercy, the way she didn't beg but decided to fight. How he could so easily see the same spark in their daughter's eyes...even if she didn't notice it herself.

Wiping away the remaining tears from her pretty face, Klaus nodded his head.

"I know."

Was all he could say, for now. Not even the miraculous Klaus Mikaelson wanted to give her false hope.

The exhaustion weighed down her eyes but she kept them open best she could, still holding onto Klaus but not as aggressively. Coming down from the emotional high took a greater toll than anticipated and felt if she tried to stand she'd fall over.

They were both mentally drained after confronting the realization of their mutual fear: losing each other.

Kissing her on the head again, Klaus lingered there a little longer and closed his eyes just to appreciate her—very much alive—presence. He didn't even have it in himself to be upset anymore, not even after the stunt she just pulled.

"Klaus, um, I said some bad things to my mom. Actually they were pretty horrific, and I don't think I can take any of that back." She sniffled staring up at him with regret. "How am I supposed to face her again? There's no way she'll forgive me."

He smiled. "There's no one with more forgiving bones in their body than your mother. The amount of chances she's given to people who don't deserve it, how many she's given me...you're her her daughter and she loves you more than life. There's nothing you can do that's unforgivable in her eyes."

"But—"

"You underestimate a mother's love, once upon a time so did I." The corner of his lips quirked up. "She understands you were angry and won't hold any of it against you, I assure you, though she might have some words about you running away which is valid."

They softly laughed. Lizzie bit down on her bottom lip.

"Do you still love her, my mom? Even after everything?" She timidly asked.

"Of course I do." He answered effortlessly, clearly making the girl happy.

"Good. Are you ready to forgive her?"

Klaus hummed, pressing his lips together with a sigh through his nose.

"You must be tired. Come on, I'll walk you up to your room." He said instead.

Lizzie decided not to pester further, mainly because she was in the same boat on how she felt towards Caroline or Alaric.

She allowed Klaus to help her onto her feet, making sure she was unharmed and stable enough to walk on her own. Granting him a sad but reassuring smile which was more than enough as he led her upstairs to lay down.

***************************************************

Mystic Falls, 9:30 PM

"Caroline, I never said I'm blaming you." Alaric tried convincing the pacing baby vampire.

"Our daughter ran away from home after talking with me, don't lie to me, because if the roles were reversed I would blame you." She claimed, still walking back and forth in their kitchen.

"It's not like we're running around like headless chickens anymore. We know exactly where Lizzie is and we know she's safe. Klaus would never let anything happen to her."

He was right, she knew he was but...that void remained open.

No word from Klaus or Lizzie all day, not even a simple text of when she planned to return. As badly as Caroline wanted to harass them, she rationalized—or rather Alaric talked her down—and agreed to give Lizzie time to cool off first. She was rightfully upset with both of them and needed space. The saving grace was knowing where she was and that she was safe, and also being aware of Klaus' well being. Why wasn't New Orleans her first guess?

"You need to calm down, here." Alaric calmly offered her a drink.

Caroline crossed her arms, turning her head to face him not realizing he was now beside her with two glasses of scotch in his hands. She reluctantly grabbed one before leaning against the countertop, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head.

"She hates me, they both do." Sipping on the bitter drink.

"They do not hate you—"

"You didn't see how they looked at me, or hear the things Lizzie said to me, and I deserved it."

"No." Alaric walked over to where she stood. 'This is on both of us. Mainly me because I knew even before you did. We both made an agreement about not telling the girls about the merge, we chose to handle it on our own."

"Then why I am I the only one feeling guilty?" She asked before downing the rest of her drink.

Alaric sighed. "I do feel guilty, Caroline, everyday I felt it too. You're a good person and exceptional mother and that comes with a heavy heart. You care about the people you love even if it means you get the short end of the stick. I really am sorry Klaus found out the way he did. It was never my plan to be the one to tell him."

"I know." She said.

"But it doesn't make up for anything." He realized. " I do hope Lizzie and Klaus return soon so we can finally talk as a family."

Caroline's eyebrows shot up amusedly. "Did I hear that incorrectly or did you just refer to Klaus as part of the family?"

He chuckled. "As much as I hate to admit it, and as much as I wish otherwise, you love him and so do our girls. Our clan keeps expanding and I would never be able to explain how twisted all of it is. But my personal feelings aside, he's your family which means to an extent he matters to me as well."

Not that Alaric's opinions on her relationship with Klaus ever made a difference, but this was a permanent arrangement. Caroline knew Alaric and Klaus were not friends and probably never would be, but at least being cordial and accepting of one another meant even more.

She weakly smiled, resting her hand over his on the kitchen counter. "Thank you."

Alaric returned the smile and the ringing of the doorbell immediately followed.

The two looked at each other confusingly, knowing neither were expecting any guests for the night and Josie and Hope were in their respective rooms.

Caroline waited as Alaric walked out the kitchen and towards the front door, too noses to stay in place she poked her head out to sneak a glance. The door was opened but Alaric's body was blocking who he was standing in front of him.

Moving closer, she noticed four pairs of feet and one were covered by black combat boots and the other was embraced by Alaric wearing sparkling white high top converse tennis shoes.

- They're here?!

Caroline was flashing forward before her mind could fully process her own speculations, which were proven to be true. Realizing her gasp louder than anticipated when it made all three of them turn to face her.

Instantly making eye contact with Lizzie—blue on blue—saddled and remorseful.

The young witch left Alaric's side and timidly approached her mother, twisting her lips with her hands anxiously grabbing at the straps of her backpack.

"Hi mom..."

Caroline exhaled a breath she unintentionally held before reaching out and pulling her daughter into her arms for the momma bear hug they both needed.

Lizzie felt overwhelmed with the affection, from both her mother and Klaus, but accepted wholeheartedly. Flaunting a close-lipped smile as she hugged her back just as intensely.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, do you understand me?" Caroline softly demanded into her blonde curls.

Lizzie frantically nodded and hugged tighter, underestimating how much she craved her mother's touch. With a final sniffle, Caroline finally released her with a lingering smile, kissing her on the forehead before stepping to the side so she could walk inside with Alaric—leaving her alone with the hybrid. Suddenly the nerves settled in with the blank look he flashed towards her.

Three and a half days since she last seen him and nothing changed besides her amplified feelings.

Klaus remained outside on the cold porch while she was inside standing between the threshold of the door. Caroline hated not knowing where she stood with people, and Klaus' unreadable face did nothing to subside that annoyance.

- Maybe he's still upset?

She wanted to run into his arms the moment they're alone but, what if things have changed for the worst? What if he brought Lizzie back but is planning on leaving Caroline? What if he didn't forgive her?

She nervously gulped when he finally stepped more into the light—as handsome and imperfect as ever—his straight lips curved into a full smirk.

"Hello love."

Caroline's lips struggled to form a smile in between her relieved blubbering. She covered her mouth, embarrassed by her reaction from a simple 'hello'.

"You came back..." She managed to say, tucking one of her curls behind her ear.

Klaus' smirk only widened, decreasing the gap between them until they were only inches apart with him still standing outside the door.

Having him so close but so far was the most cruel act he could do to her. Those three and a half days felt like an eternity. Where she realized her life was no longer complete without him. He had taken her—body and soul—all those years ago when he swooshed into her life and she swore a long time ago she was done denying it.

Distance was not an option anymore. She missed him, god did she miss him, and his dimpled smile and masculine presence. If he wanted to stop her he could but all she cared about was embracing the return of the man she loved.

In a blink of an eye Caroline's body was colliding with his, face buried into his shoulder and arms securely around his neck as the tears already began streaming down her cheeks.

Affection, comfort and nurture were new concepts for Klaus who unfortunately had no experience of his own growing up. Not think he would ever be granted the opportunity to extend those feelings to others, let alone have people in his life he cared about enough.

Initially taken aback, Klaus completed the hug by encircling her waist and pulling her against his firm chest subconsciously. Inhaling her warm scent, hair and presence as if for the first time. He could feel her tears staining his shirt but it didn't matter, nothing mattered besides the woman in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." She pleaded between broken sobs as she gripped onto him tighter.

"Shh, love...it's all right." He tried reassuring her, rubbing her back up and down soothingly but he felt her shaking her head.

"No, it's not." Her voice unwavering as she pulled away enough to look up at him.

Her eyes puffy and tired compared to their usual vibrant form—breaking Klaus' cold dead heart more than he thought was possible.

Klaus let out a low breath as her eyes bored deeply into his, demonstrating the severity of her plea, she continued to explain herself.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, "I'm sorry for not telling you from the beginning. It was never my intent to keep anything from you."

"I know—"

"Please, let me finish." Caroline interrupted and Klaus obliged. "First of all, the twins are your daughters as much as mine and I'm sorry I ever made you feel otherwise. For someone who is constantly being reminded they're biologically not mine and having to deal with judgmental gossipers, I should have known better. I wasn't thinking. Even if it wasn't my intent to hurt you I still said it, and I'm sorry."

Klaus understandably nodded. It was as if she knew that particular section of their fight cut the deepest.

"Secondly, I was scared. I've been scared about the merge since Alaric first explained it to me and when I get scared I tend to turn people away. It's what I did to you, and them. I'm so used to making all the decisions regarding all of this because it was the only bit of control I had. Then circumstances changed when you came back into my life the way you did. I never expected us to become what we are, or you loving the girls as much as you do but there's nothing I wanted more. Our relationship is means everything to me. I'm so grateful to have you in our lives. I love you so much and I'm so—"

His lips molded against hers before she could muster another apology, desperate and commanding as her mouth opened to him from the pressure—succumbing to the warmth of his wet tongue. Pulling at each other mercilessly.

There was obviously more they needed to discuss—starting with proper discipline for their delinquent child—and solutions to theorize but neither of them could find it in themselves to care right now. After being away from each other for what felt like a lifetime the longing for one another only increased.

Caroline raised her fingers into his hair, standing on her tippy toes while lightly tugging at the light curls on the back of his neck. Venturing up to trace his scalp as she pressed his face more against hers—if that was even possible. Needing him, inhaling all he had to give. His talented tongue drew out soft whimpers from her lips before aiming for another passionate kiss to explain without words how much he missed her too.

His determined hands traveled from her face to squeezing her sides and caressing her silk covered back, bringing her closer in the most demanding but loving way. Tasting the teardrops that fell down her rosy cheeks and combined with their interlocked lips. Klaus almost felt ridiculous fore leaving in the first place, no matter how angry he was, but the distance made his love for her grow stronger. Rationalizing his thoughts instead of lashing out—progress.

She was more than apologetic, he felt it with through every kiss and tug. His anger was warranted, but deep down he knew Caroline was coming from a good place because he knew her heart. Nothing about this was easy on anyone and that was the reality they had to face, as a family. Being with Caroline now, holding and kissing her on the porch where any Mystic Falls resident or student could see, was the insight he needed. All he wanted to do was take her inside and never leave their bed. To shower her with love and affection to make up for lost time—forget about the bad shit just for a night.

Following that train of thought, Klaus' hands now rested dangerously on her hips, suggestively, their lips still moving together in perfect rhythm as he blindly lead them backwards and closing the door behind them with his foot.

[stardew-schmucks]

The Lack of Ability to Think Things Through is a Pain

“Sebastian, this is final! We’re doing what’s best for you. We took you in as our ward, raised you like our own, and you spit it back at us?” King Demetrius raised his voice. “This is a chance to bring peace, an end to a long war that has hurt both of our kingdoms and you decline the offer?”

Sebastian kept his eyes on the floor, not daring to look up at Demetrius’ stern glare or Robin’s disappointed expression. He knew the guards outside would be able to hear. He could imagine Sam’s face when he got back to his room and had to explain the situation without breaking into tears. He could imagine having to explain to Abigail that he’d never be able to accompany her out anymore. The thought of leaving everything behind and go live somewhere else just to solve a war that could be settled in many other ways left him feeling sick. Sicker than usual at this hour.

“Demetrius…” Robin hummed, “it’s late. Perhaps we should continue this over breakfast?”

“Right.” He sighed lightly, “Sebastian, we only want what’s best for you. You’re constantly locked in your chambers here, perhaps a change of scenery is for the best. Sleep on it, we can discuss the proposal more in the morning.”

Sebastian nodded where he stood, using most of his energy and willpower not to let his voice waver. “Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Robin gave a weak smile as Demetrius simply nodded. With that being the end of the conversation, Sebastian turned and left in the halls.

He could go back to his chambers. He could. Try to ignore Sam’s questions and concerns, huddle in bed and not come out until breakfast or more likely lunch. It irked him though, as he walked through the halls, the idea of having to deal with all of it in the morning. The rain pelting against the windows made the decision even more difficult. If he went out he’d end up getting soaked especially considering he was dressed down slightly due to the time he was summoned at. A button up, pants, and undone hair. He’d get a chill at best and sick at the worst.

Despite the rational part of his brain telling him not to, he found himself going towards the gates. Sebastian knew he had nothing flashy to show, so when he walked past the guards without trouble he couldn’t consider himself surprised. Call it being much more gifted at night than in broad daylight, not that anyone could notice considering how much black he typically wore anyways. Sebastian could feel himself slowly get coated in the warmth of the darkness, walking along the path he walked only a few days ago into the forest. He liked being in the darkness, though one of the main drawbacks is he couldn’t exactly feel the best physical situations during it.

It was when the shadows dropped from him, bleeding back into the shadow under him, that he felt a chill rack through him. He looked down at himself, finding his shirt soaked enough to be practically transparent and his pants clinging uncomfortably to his skin. He knocked on the door hesitantly while stifling a yawn, ignoring how warm his face felt in comparison to how cold and shaken his hands were.

The door creaked open, already letting out some of the warmth and light from inside the building. There was soft chatter in the back, as if whoever stepped away to answer the door abandoned an engaging conversation.

“Hey, look, I know it’s late but uh- is-” Sebastian wasn’t expecting the wave of exhaustion to pass over him as quick as it did, he also wasn’t expecting warm hands to grab his cold ones and pull him inside.

“What are you doing out so late?” Andy frowned, eyebrow furrowing in concern, “are you alright? Are you sick? Hurt?”

“No- well-” Sebastian let out a small chuckle as the door clicked behind him. “I just wanted to see you.”

“You’re soaked!” Andy exclaimed as she tugged Sebastian further into the house, “come in, gosh, who let you outside? You’re going to get ill.”

“I- I admire the concern, but really I-” Sebastian was promptly forced to sit on the ground in front of the fire- “oh, okay.”

“I’ll get you some soup, you stay here and warm up. I’ll get Dave to get you some dry clothes to change into.”

“Hey!” There was a faint protest from the kitchen. Sebastian assumed it was Dave.

He chuckled slightly, not finding much energy to keep up a losing fight. “Alright. I’ll… be here.”

The fire was warm and Sebastian was grateful for it. He found himself starting to doze as the recent events still ate away at his energy. The talking in the other room slowly became white noise as his eyes shut. He didn’t even feel his body hit the floor.

"Hey." There was a nudge against his back. It wasn't hard, but it was enough to bring him from the murky darkness of sleep. "Hey, get up. Don't you whine at me."

"Dave! Be nice." Andy scolded as Sebastian opened his eyes. He found himself laying on the floor, a blanket he didn't remember pulled over him.

"He interrupted dinner then passed out on the floor, I think I can be a little rude in waking him up." Dave defended, poking Andy's nose as he nudged Sebastian with his foot again.

"I- I'm up." He voiced, noting that it sounded a bit raspy which was different than the typical groggy tone.

"Good," Dave huffed, dropping clothes onto the blanket. "These'll probably fit you, no promises, but it'll be better to sleep in than your wet ones."

"Right, uh, thanks." Sebastian nodded, sitting up as he tried to ignore how dizzy the motion made him.

"Andy…" Dave weakly punched her shoulder, seemingly startling her back into reality.

"Right, uh, let me show you where the bedroom is. You can change there." She spoke fast, fidgeting with her hands.

"Thanks…" Sebastian stood up, grabbing onto Dave to stabilize himself as Fizz poked her head into the room.

"Everything okay?" She asked softly and Dave nodded, walking over to her.

"Yeah, let's leave these two alone." And taking Fizz by the upper arm, Dave ushered her out of the room to leave Andy and Sebastian alone.

"O-Okay?" Fizz mumbled with a confused look as she disappeared from the doorway.

A small silence came over the room before Andy motioned for Sebastian to follow her. He picked up the clothes and did as told, glancing around the house as they walked up the stairs. The room they entered was moderately sized, though much smaller and more modest than his in the castle. That was to be expected though. The bed was made and there were a few decorations littering the surfaces of a dresser, a desk, and a few small tables. There were quite a few books as well on these surfaces, along with half-finished sewing projects and a variety of sharp objects.

"Those are Dave's." Andy commented softly as she noticed his eyes longer on the small knives, "I took them away. You can change here."

Sebastian nodded hesitantly, putting the dry clothes on the side of the bed as he started to unbutton his shirt with shaky hands.

"I don't really know where he keeps getting them. I always think I have the last of them then he miraculously finds more, and no one in the town is a blacksmith so I doubt they'd just go ahead and give up their knives for him just to have and spin around- oh I'm rambling aren't I- uh- oh!" It was at this moment that Andy realized Sebastian was in the process of stripping, she could feel her face light up red. "I- I'll leave you be."

"Uh?" Sebastian turned around just in time for the door to slam closed. "Okay…?"

Now left to his own devices, he changed into the dry shirt and pants he was given. It was no button up, but it did the trick. Keeping what Andy said in mind, he steered clear of the sharp objects that she took off of Dave and opened the door.

"Uh-" glancing around he realized he was alone on the upper floor. Well, there goes any conversation to be had, really. At least, Sebastian assumed that as he stepped out of the room.

“Hey!” Fizz smiled, popping out from the stairway. “Andy’s downstairs, if you were wondering. What were you doing out in the rain?”

“Uh-” Sebastian frowned slightly, thinking about a way to phrase it. “I got sidetracked, really.”

Fizz nodded in understanding, seemingly pulling a bowl of soup out of nowhere and offering it. “There’s extra, Andy made it so you should probably have some. It’ll warm you up on the inside!”

He nodded slowly, not really having a chance to oppose before the bowl was essentially dropped into his hands, and then almost dropped onto the floor. The bowl was really hot and his cold hands nearly gave out under the new weight. 

“You alright?” Fizz questioned, tilting her head slightly.

“I think I just… need to sit down.” Sebastian nodded, walking to the stairs.

“Alright… Say goodnight to Andy for me!” She smiled at him before disappearing into another room.

Sebastian sighed quietly to himself, readjusting his hold on the warm bowl of soup before he headed down the stairs.

[themaskedwriter]

Three Jerks

Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary – After the Battle of New York, you decide to get away from the city for a vacation in the Caribbean. But one week away from the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple quickly turns into a few years as you find you enjoy the simplicity of island life. As it turns out, you’re not the only native New Yorker who finds solace on the white sandy beaches of Jamaica.

Warnings – Angst, Fluff, Sexy Times, Cursing, and Drinking

Word Count – 5K

Notes: This is a Canon Divergent fic based on Anthony Mackie’s response to a question at the ACE Comic Con in Seattle. If you’d like to watch the video, the entire panel discussion with Mackie, Sebastian, and Tom Holland is on YouTube. Fast forward to 1:03:50.

Clues: 

1. This author prefers writing angst more than anything.

2. This author is notorious for her cruel cliffhangers.

3. This author loves adding a good plot twist.

YN had noticed the three new additions to the lonely stretch of beach she’d called home for God only knew how many years. When she’d gotten off the clunky little prop plane at Sangster International Airport, she’d told the taxi driver to take her to the nearest beach bar. A half a mile later, he’d pulled up to the Dead End and she’d known right then that she was exactly where she’d needed to be.

The Battle of New York had completely demolished the office building she’d worked in since she’d graduated from college, and her tiny apartment hadn’t faired much better. With only the clothes on her back and a fairly decent savings account, she’d booked the first flight out of New York to Jamaica.

She’d only intended to stay for a week, but once she’d learned that the owner of the Dead End was ready to retire, she’d drained her savings account and bought the tiny beach bar. What had started out as a whim had quickly turned into the best decision of her life. Island life was nothing like New York and she actually enjoyed waking up each morning and going to work, which wasn’t something she could have ever said about her job in the city.

The locals had taken their time warming up to her, but once they realized that she was there to stay—and that she had no intentions of turning the dive bar into some hipster joint—they had welcomed her with open arms. Her clientele included a few regulars that lived on the island full time, as well as tourists—like she’d been that first week—who were looking for the first bar they could find once they landed on the island.

There was a hotel right next door, so most people ended up getting a room and wasting their entire vacation sitting on one of her barstools and spending all of their money. YN didn’t mind, though. Middle class working men and women tipped better than the snooty rich folks down the beach at the Sandals resort. A few of them came ‘slumming’ every so often, and they always annoyed the shit out of her and her regulars.

She’d pegged the three new guys as entitled rich men on a business retreat at first, but after a few days—and some sizable tips—she’d had to rethink her initial assessment of them. They were a peculiar group of men, and something about them struck her as odd from the very first time they’d parked their cute little tushes on her barstools. Within the first few minutes she’d realized that they were all former military. It wasn’t so much the way they looked—every one of them had full beards and their hair definitely wasn’t 'high and tight’ like she’d seen in the movies. The way they moved, and the way they spoke gave away their military training, but she hadn’t said a word to them about it. They seemed like they wanted to get away from their former lives, and as someone who’d done the same, she couldn’t hold it against them.

The three of them—Thomas, James, and Grant—weren’t a group of guys you would’ve expected to be joined at the hip like they were. Thomas was a true extrovert, and was always quick with a smile and a flirty comment. James was sullen and taciturn, but YN figured it had something to do with the fact that he only had one arm. Grant, on the other hand, was a dream come true. As with all groups of men, one stood out as the leader, and in this particular group, it was definitely Grant. Tall and muscular with a mop of dark blond hair that was a few shades lighter than the beard he sported, he was an imposing man that was obviously used to giving orders. Thomas and James always seemed to defer to him when it came to making decisions, so YN assumed he must have been their commanding officer while they’d served together.

The three of them had set up shop a little ways down the shore. Their establishment, Three Jerks, was unlike anything she’d ever seen on the island.  They’d bought a few jet skis and rented them out by the half hour, but they’d also purchased a dilapidated food truck and sold jerk chicken, red beans, and rice while the tourists waited for the jet skis to come back in.

As much as she hated to admit it, it was a great idea. She’d been as skeptical as the rest of the locals, but curiosity had gotten the better of her—not to mention the smell of jerk chicken wafting down on the breeze—and she’d ventured over to give their culinary skills a taste. She hadn’t been disappointed. Whoever had taught Thomas to make jerk chicken had known what they were doing. Within a week, Thomas had been forced to leave the jet ski rentals to James and Grant so he could focus on the food truck.

The three of them came by her bar most evenings, and she truly enjoyed their company, but there was a part of her that wanted to spend some one on one time with Grant. Listening in on James and Thomas’ constantly bickering like an old married couple was entertaining, but she felt a pull toward Grant that she hadn’t felt since she’d moved to the island. There had been a few flings with vacationing tourists, but that had mostly been due to the need to scratch an itch.

With Grant, it was different. He had these old, soulful eyes that spoke volumes about his mysterious history. He may have put on a carefree attitude for everyone else, but YN had learned over the years to see beneath the surface of a carefully constructed façade.

For some reason she got the impression that Grant wasn’t like most of the men that had come across her path in the past few years. There was something almost old-fashioned about the way he spoke to not only her, but everyone he conversed with. His politeness wasn’t something put on for the sake of his business—it seemed to be as genuine as the heart-stopping smile he gave her every time he sat perched on a barstool before her.

“The usual, please,” Grant told YN as he slid onto his favorite stool.

YN didn’t even need to turn around to know who’d dropped by. “What about you boys—the usual as well?”

“They’re not here,” Grant said, causing YN to turn around in surprise.

She poured three fingers of whisky into a glass and placed it neatly on a paper napkin embossed with the name of the bar. “And how exactly did you manage to get away from those two?”

“Thomas met a dame.”

YN smiled at his use of the antiquated term. It was little things like that that had her wondering where in the world he’d come from.

“And James?”

Grant laughed as he took a swig of his whisky. “The dame had a friend who took a liking to James. Thomas paid him a hundred bucks to double with him so he could get lucky.”

Shaking her head, she began to laugh. “Oh, to be a fly on that wall.”

“I know, right?”

Another customer flagged her down, so she left Grant alone with his drink. She knew this was probably her only opportunity to get him alone, so if she was going to make a move, it had to be tonight. It was the off season, so the bar wasn’t busy—it would just be a matter of getting the few customers that remained to go home so she could close up shop and try to get lucky herself.

Fate seemed to be on her side as one by one, her regulars called it an early night and left her alone with Grant. She’d been scared that he would leave before she got her chance, but he’d seemed content to drink his whisky and watch the sun set over the horizon.

“I think I’m going to close up early tonight,” she told him as she wiped the bar down with a damp rag.

“Oh,” he said, surprised at her announcement. “I can go, if you want.”

“Actually,” she began as butterflies began fluttering in her stomach. “I was hoping you’d join me for a drink…somewhere a little more private.”

She watched the confusion on his face turn to understanding and she held her breath as she waited to see what he would say. A part of her feared that she’d just ruined one of the only friendships she’d made on the island, but another part knew that she’d never forgive herself for not at least trying.

He tore his gaze away from hers and stared at the empty glass before him. He’d known how she felt about him for a while now, but he’d never acted on it. It wasn’t as if he were free to pursue a relationship, but then again, his duties and obligations had kept him from having a life for the better part of a century. Maybe it was time to be a little bit selfish.

“I’d like that,” he finally said, chancing a glance to see how she’d take his answer. He saw the relief wash across her face as a huge smile lit up her eyes in a way he’d never seen before.

“Okay, just give me a few minutes to close up shop.”

“I’ll help,” he offered as he began to help her secure the bar for the night.

The pretense of the drink was forgotten the moment they crossed the threshold of her tiny bungalow beside the bar. Before she’d known what was happening, she was pressed up against the back of the door as Grant’s lips began to softly caress hers. His hands weren’t as gentle as his mouth as he slid them beneath the hem of her shirt. The contrast between his rough hands and tender kisses had her mind reeling.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered as his mouth left hers to explore the exposed flesh above the collar of her t-shirt.

“Don’t you dare,” she warned as she hooked one of her legs around his waist to draw him closer to her.

Regaining some of her senses, she finally let herself indulge in the one fantasy she’d had since she’d first laid eyes on him—burying her hands in his hair. The thick strands were just as soft as they appeared and as she ran her fingers over his scalp, she could feel the moan rise up in his chest before she heard it.

She’d expected him to be rough with her, and although she wouldn’t have complained in the least, he’d turned out to be a slow and patient lover. It was almost as though he was worshiping her body with his hands and lips. She lost count of how many times he sent her careening over the edge before he finally joined her.

Lying spent in his arms, she wondered if this would only be a one time thing, or if they’d finally crossed the line between friends and lovers for good. If this turned out to be the only opportunity she’d get to be loved by him, she’d be sorely disappointed. He’d completely ruined her for any other man, and she knew she’d never be able to go back to the cheap one-night stands she’d thought she’d enjoyed with the tourists.

Forcing her mind to leave her worries for tomorrow, she willed herself to relax and enjoy the afterglow of the most amazing sex she’d ever had. As she felt her minds softening toward sleep, his fingers began to lightly trail over her skin.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked softly, not sure if she’d already fallen asleep or not.

His question had her senses reawakening as she lifted her head to meet his gaze. “I’d really like it if you stayed.”

She knew she was putting herself out there even more than she already had, but she was desperate to keep him for as long as he was willing to stay.

He leaned over and gently kissed her. “I’d like that, too.” He paused for a moment. “I should probably grab a shower, though. Care to join me?”

The prospect of shower sex had her wide awake in an instant. Sliding out of the bed, she grabbed his hand and led him toward the bathroom. As she turned on the water, she saw his eyes begin to darken with desire and she realized she was going to be in for a long night.

___________________

“That’s him,” Peter whispered to Ned as they hid behind a tuft of grass on the beach a few yards from the bar.

“Are you sure, Peter?” Ned asked as he squinted his eyes. “That doesn’t look like Captain America at all.”

Peter rolled his eyes and let out a huff. “He’s undercover—of course he doesn’t look like himself. It’s just like Falcon and the Winter Soldier—they’re trying to blend in so no one knows who they are.”

“I don’t know,” Ned said, still not convinced. “Why would Captain America be renting jet skis with the Falcon and the Winter Soldier in Jamaica? That doesn’t seem like something superheroes do.”

Peter was starting to get frustrated. “Mr. Stark told me he’d gotten really good intel that these three were down here.” He turned to his friends and began to plead. “C'mon, man. This is the first real mission Mr. Stark has given me since we went to Germany. I can’t screw this up—not like the ferry.”

Ned nodded and pulled out his phone. Zooming in as much as he could, he snapped a picture of the long-haired, bearded guy Peter was convinced was Captain America. “I guess this guy could be Cap.”

“Send me that picture,” Peter said as he pulled out his phone. “I need to text this to Mr. Stark.”

“So, if he’s Captain America, then that means your mom is on a date with the Falcon,” Ned surmised with a nod. “Way to go, Aunt May.”

Peter slapped his friend. “Ew, gross, man. That’s my aunt you’re talking about.”

“What about her friend, Debbie?” Ned asked as his eyes grew large. “She’s going to hook up with the Winter Soldier.”

“No one is hooking up,” Peter said with a huff. “May isn’t like that.” He paused for a moment. “Debbie? Yeah, probably, but not May.”

“Ooh,” Ned said as he began to chuckle. “It looks like Cap is getting lucky tonight, too.”

“What?”

Ned pointed to where the man and the bartender were closing up and heading toward a small bungalow beside the bar.

Peter looked back down at his phone. “Do you think Mr. Stark needs to know about that?”

Ned shrugged. “I don’t know? Is it important who he’s banging?”

“What if she’s a Russian spy?” Peter asked as his mind started reeling with possibilities.

“Good point,” Ned agreed. “Better let him know just in case.”

Peter’s lips formed a thin line as he nodded in agreement. Typing out a quick update, he hit send and motioned for Ned to follow him back down the beach to the Sandals resort where Mr. Stark had booked their “vacation.”

___________________

The next few days were like a dream for YN. Not only had Grant stayed the entire night, but he’d spent the next few nights at her place as well. Thomas and James had brought their new lady friends to the bar, and she’d immediately hit it off with the native New Yorkers. It had been nice to find out what was going on back home, and to hear that the city was finally starting to recover from the infamous battle that had torn it to shreds. YN had thought it was odd that the three men seemed uncomfortable talking about the Battle of New York, but she brushed it off and continued chatting with the ladies.

Thomas’ friend, May, had brought her nephew and his friend along with her, but the two boys opted to stay at the beach while the adults enjoyed drinks at the bar. YN had offered them sodas or virgin mixed drinks, but they seemed content to hang out by themselves.

James had given Grant a knowing look the first time he’d reached out to graze his fingers over her knuckles. YN wasn’t sure what to make of it, but she hoped that both James and Thomas approved of her new relationship with their friend. She didn’t want it to change the dynamic between the four of them, although, as long as they were distracted with their new lady friends, it didn’t seem to matter what Grant did with his spare time.

“Who’s that down there with Peter and Ned?” Debbie asked as she gestured toward the beach with her daiquiri.

May shielded her eyes against the setting sun as she squinted toward the beach. “It looks like Tony Stark.”

YN had been asking Grant a question, so she saw the minute his demeanor morphed from fun and lighthearted to lethal. The instant change in him—as well as Thomas and James—had her taking a step back.

Grant turned toward his friends. “Go. Now.”

Thomas shook his head as James stood up from his stool and let out a resigned sigh. “Not without you.”

All three of the ladies were confused at the sudden turn of events, but it was May that finally spoke first. “He’s not that bad, honestly. A little pompous and full of himself, maybe.”

“Rogers,” Tony called out as he stepped under the awning of the bar and removed his sunglasses.

When Grant turned around to face him, YN felt as though the ground beneath her was crumbling. She’d known that the three men had been hiding from something, but now she was slowly coming to realize that she had no idea who she’d been sharing her bed with the past few nights.

“Tony,” Grant said warily as he moved to stand in front of Thomas and James. “You should have called first.”

Tony took an outdated flip phone from his pocket and turned it over in his hands. “I would’ve, but I didn’t think this thing got good reception this far south.” Turning serious, he gave Grant a hard look. “What are you doing down here, Steve?”

It was as though someone had poured ice water down her back. Steve Rogers? The Steve Rogers? She turned to stare at Grant, but she had a hard time resigning the bearded man she’d come to love with America’s favorite son. It all made sense, though—the chivalry, the odd references, even the antiquated language he was so fond of using. She’d been sleeping with Captain America.

“We’re not doing anything wrong, Tony,” Thomas said as he stepped forward to stand beside Steve.

YN’s attention was now on the other two men she’d come to think of as friends.  Thomas and James obviously weren’t their names, but she honestly had no idea who they were. Since she’d come to the island, she’d tried to stay away from the goings-on in the world.

“I know,” Tony said, holding up his hands to show he meant no harm. “The kid’s been filling me in on your little enterprise.” He looked over toward the jet skis and food truck down the beach. “Gotta say, I love the name.”

“What do you want, Stark?” James asked as he gave Tony a hardened look.

Tony gave James a wink. “I’m not here for you, stubby.”

“Wait just one damn minute,” May said as she finally realized what was going on. Turning on Tony, she stalked over to him and began poking him in the chest with her finger. “Did you send Peter down here to spy on fugitives for you? What in the hell were you thinking?”

“May, May, no,” Peter said frantically as he rushed past Tony to grab his aunt’s arm. “It’s okay, really. Cap wouldn’t hurt me—he wouldn’t hurt anyone.” He looked up at Steve. “Right?”

Steve had been confused for a moment, but once he heard Peter’s voice, he realized who he was. “You’re the spider-kid from Queens. The one from Germany?”

May’s eyes grew large and she was about to tear into someone, but who would’ve gotten the tongue-lashing was left up in the air as Tony quickly interceded. “Happy. Take the kid and his family back to the resort. I’ll be along shortly.”

YN stood slack-jawed as a burly man in a suit began ushering a cussing May, a dumbstruck Debbie, a stuttering Peter, and his starry-eyed friend toward the road where a sleek black car sat idling at the curb. So much was happening so quickly, she was having a hard time keeping track of it all.

Once it was just the men, Tony turned to Steve with a pleading look in his eye. “Something big is coming. I don’t know what, but it’s bad. We need all hands on deck.” He paused and gave Steve a hopeful look. “Whaddya say? Want to get the band back together?”

Steve let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “What about Ross?”

“I’ll take care of Ross,” Tony assured him.

“What about me?” James asked.

Tony let out a huff. “I still hate you, Barnes. But Rogers won’t come back with out you two numbnuts, so that doesn’t leave me much choice.”

“You goin’ to send me back to the Raft?” Thomas asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Tony.

“No one’s going to the Raft,” Tony assured them. “I told you I’d deal with Ross, and I will. Rhodey will keep him occupied while we deal with this threat. After that, we’ll have some leverage to get your names cleared with the UN.”

Steve turned to look at Thomas and his gaze landed on YN. With a heavy heart, he realized that in a matter of minutes, he’d completely lost her trust. The look she was giving him was a mix of hurt and anger and he couldn’t very well blame her.

With a sigh, he looked away and focused on his friends. “Whaddya say, guys? It’s your call.”

“I say we stay,” James began, but before Thomas or Steve could reply, he held up a hand. “But I know your dumbass. You’ll never sleep knowing the world is in danger and you didn’t go help.”

Thomas shook his head. “I hate to admit it, but I agree with Buck.”

Steve shook his head. “You two go get what we’ll need while I talk to Tony.”

Thomas and James nodded and turned to go. They both stopped and gave YN a sorrowful look. Muttering apologies, they shuffled off toward the apartment they shared over the rental shop.

“Can I get a drink?” Tony asked YN once the other two were gone.

“Make that two?” Steve asked with a grimace.

YN didn’t say anything as she turned to pour the drinks. He hadn’t specified, but she assumed Tony Stark was a whisky man, so that’s what she gave him. Feeling as though she’d be intruding, she started to walk toward the other end of the bar, but Steve stopped her.

“YN,” he said softly as he reached out to touch her arm. “Please let me explain.”

Tony narrowed his eyes as he took in the scene. Pointing back and forth between the two, he slowly began to nod as if he’d just figured it out. “Something’s going on here, isn’t it?” He focused his attention on her. “YN, right? I’m taking it you didn’t know?”

She looked to Steve to see if he’d answer, but when he simply hung his head and took a sip of his whisky, she turned back to Tony. “I knew he had a past—we all do—but I didn’t know he was Steve Rogers. He told me his name was Grant.”

“It is,” Steve said looking up at her with pleading eyes. “It’s my middle name.”

She shrugged. “So, it was a half-lie, but still a lie.” She shook her head as all the anger she’d been feeling over the past few minutes finally came to a head. “Was it all a lie? Did I ever mean anything to you?”

Tony started to make a snarky remark, but Steve held out a hand to stop him. “Not now, Tony.” Looking back at YN, his shoulders slumped. “It wasn’t a lie—I swear. I never meant to get involved, but…”

“I made the first move,” she finished for him as she shook her head. “You tried to warn me, but I didn’t listen. I guess it’s my own fault.” She grabbed a rag and started toward the other end of the bar. “Don’t worry about saying goodbye—you’ve got more important things to do.”

This time Steve let her go.

“Damn, Rogers,” Tony said with a low whistle. “You sure know how to pick 'em.”

“Shut up, Tony,” Steve said as he downed the rest of his drink.

Tony laid a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Look, take it from someone who’s been there—go fix things with the lady before you go. If you don’t, it’ll just weigh on your mind and I need you on your game for this one, buddy.”

Tony pulled out his wallet and left a crisp hundred dollar bill on the bar before patting Steve on the back and heading toward the car that had just pulled back up to the curb. Steve let out a deep breath and thought about Tony’s advice. Maybe he was right. Leaving things like this would be something he’d regret for a long time to come.

He walked around the bar and came up behind YN. Reaching out, he laid a hand on her arm. “YN.”

She turned to look at him, and he could see the redness in her eyes where she was trying not to cry. He hated that he’d hurt her. He should have told her the truth that first night, but would it have made this any easier?

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth,” he said as he reached to cup her face. “I was an idiot not to trust you.”

“Would you have ever told me?” she asked as she stared into his eyes looking for answers she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I want to say yes because you mean a lot to me.”

“I mean a lot to you?” she asked with a huff of indignation as she pulled away from him.

Knowing he was going to have to lay it all on the line, he ran a hand down his face and resigned himself to the inevitable. This wasn’t how he’d thought this conversation would go, but she deserved the truth—the whole truth.

“I love you, YN.”

Her back was to him, but his whispered words were just loud enough to have her stopping in her tracks. “Don’t lie to me. Not again.”

He walked over to her and turned her around to face him. “Look at me. I wouldn’t lie about that. I love you, and I’m pretty sure you love me, too.”

She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “So what if I do? That doesn’t change the fact that you’re leaving.”

“Maybe not,” he said. “But it gives me a reason to come back.”

She opened her eyes and found him looking at her with hope-filled eyes. She’d fallen in love with those eyes, and she’d never thought she’d see the day where those feelings would be returned—but here they were.

“You can’t promise that.”

“I can promise to do my best,” he said as he pulled her into his embrace. “Knowing that you’ll be here waiting for me will give me that much more reason to win this fight.”

“I came here to get away from superheroes and their fights,” she said with a laugh as she lay her head on his shoulder. “It’s just my luck that I’d go and fall in love with one.”

Steve’s heart swelled at her admission. “Yeah, life’s funny like that.”

She looked up and met his eye. “You’ll be careful?”

“I can’t let down my best girl, now can I?”

She framed his face with her hands as they met one another halfway. The kiss was full of sadness and regret, but she’d take what she could get at that point.

“I’ve gotta go,” he said as he pulled away.

“Until we meet again.”

He gave her a sad smile. “Until we meet again.”

___________________

YN thought about Steve’s promise to come back to her as she watched one of her regulars turn to dust before her eyes. She had no idea what was happening, but she knew it wasn’t good. Whatever battle he’d been fighting must not have gone well. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw her hand start to dematerialize in front of her. It seemed as though she wouldn’t be keeping her promise to be there waiting for him after all. As she began to fade away, she closed her eyes and whispered, “I love you, Steve.”

[sinner-as-saint]

Limerencia 4.

Part 4 of the Limerencia Series.

Male Escort! Seb x Reader AU.

MAIN MASTERLIST. 

Run-through: Y/N, in desperate need of a getaway from her ‘picture perfect’ marriage, quickly finds herself entangled in somewhat of a messy situation. One involving her reputation, her rather possessive, selfish husband, and a certain dangerously handsome blue-eyed male escort…

Themes: smut, language, male escort! Seb, cheating (from both parties involved), fluff and angst?

 A/N: All tag lists are open.

You tried.

You tried so hard to ignore his texts, his calls; but you couldn’t.

You found yourself running around to find your phone the moment it would ring, just so that in case it was Sebastian; he wouldn’t have to wait for long.

Hence, you answered each message, each call from him – shamelessly. You’d talk over the phone late at night, or during the early, dark hours of the morning; when Chris was both drunk and asleep or out with his ‘friends’.

And you’d text throughout the day. He made you laugh a lot, he made you feel like a teenager whenever he was being flirty over text.

You knew holding on to Sebastian was hopeless, but your heart wouldn’t listen. You needed him in your life, even though just for a little while longer.

 The morning your husband announced that you were to return back home the following day, was hard for you. Especially since you had to hug him and tell him how much you missed your home.

When you clearly didn’t.

 That morning, when Chris left to go see his friends one more time before leaving NYC, you sat in the living room; on the same couch you had made out multiples times with Sebastian, and you stared out into the city.

There was this ache in your chest; as though someone had placed a weight on it. It was uncomfortable, and it hurt.

You took your phone out and messaged Sebastian, telling him that you would be leaving the next morning.

 His reply came quickly:

‘Don’t you dare leave without meeting me, doll. Don’t break my heart like that.’

 You sighed, staring at your phone screen.

‘We can’t meet, Chris could be anywhere.’

You sent back and waited, sitting on the edge of your seat. You were desperate to see him too. But with Chris in town, it would be too risky.

Your phone buzzed in your hand, and you opened the message in a heartbeat.

 ‘My place, meet me there in an hour. I have to see you before you go, please doll.’

After the first message came an address. And the moment you got the text, you knew you wouldn’t even listen to your proper judgment. So, you sent a text back saying you would meet him there, at his apartment.

 The minute you finished texting Sebastian, you gave your assistant a call. And asked her to prepare for some papers which you needed urgently; in an hour precisely.

 -

 The hour passed agonizingly. You were ready and you had texted Chris that in case he came home and didn’t find you it’s because you would be out for some shopping.

He didn’t even bother texting back when he read the message. But you were used to that. The ill-treatment, his mentally tormenting nature, his jealousy – you had gotten used to it because you had never known any different, up until you met Sebastian.

 The drive to Sebastian’s place was not that long, although he did live on the other side of the city. While driving, you thought about the possible outcomes of this meeting. And you were starting to really take his idea of running away with him into consideration.

You smiled at the silly thought. Sure, it was childish but running away with him would be absolutely fun.

 Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t even realize that you had reached your destination already. Sebastian’s apartment was on the tenth floor, and on your way there you couldn’t help but feel nervous.

When you knocked on his front door, your heart beat increased. And when he opened it right after the second knock, your heart skipped a beat. Dressed in a black and red sweater, and dark pants; he looked breathtaking.

 “Hi Seb,” you spoke, tightening your grip around your purse as you tried to refrain from throwing your arms around him and pulling him in for a hug, or a kiss immediately after seeing him.

You kept your calm.

He, however, was not in the mood to beat around the bush. So he grabbed your hand, pulled you in and slammed the door shut once you stepped inside.

He pushed your body against the wooden door and pressed himself against you; trapping you.

 “Hey doll,” he whispered against your lips as you tried not to lean in and kiss him.

Tried.

The moment he looked into your eyes, you lost all the self-control you had. Without a second thought, you pressed your lips against his. And he wasted no time in kissing you back.

Your tongue slipped past his lips hungrily and he quickly walked the two of you to the closest couch in the living room.

Once he plopped down on the purple couch, he pulled you onto his lap rapidly; making your dress bunch up at your waist. You leaned in as close as you could to him, with his hot mouth against yours; you forgot all your troubles for a while.

His lips moved from your mouth and his kissed his way down to your jaw and your neck.

 “I missed you so fucking much, you know that?” he murmured against your skin as his prickly beard scratched your neck.

You whimpered and melted under his touch.

“I missed you too,” you whispered and at the sound of your voice, he pulled away from your skin and looked up at you straddling his lap.

His blue eyes bore into your eyes and for a moment it felt as though the world around you disappeared. It was just the two of you present, and that was enough.

 “Don’t go,” he pleaded, his voice was soft and broken.

You sighed, and your hand reached out to cup his face.

 “You know I can’t do that. I have to go home, Seb.” You spoke, and you tried to hide the hurt in your voice.

Sebastian got quiet after that, he was afraid that if he spoke too much he might end up saying something he had been holding back from admitting even to himself.

His hands ran slowly up and down your sides. He was going to miss you, a lot.

You would too.

 You bent down just a bit and pressed your forehead against his. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer.

“We don’t have much time, Seb.” You spoke and he nodded gently.

 His hand reached out and he grabbed your neck and guided your mouth over his. He kissed you passionately, longingly.

He had kissed you before, yet there was something different this time.

 As you kissed him back with equal ardor, his hand slowly moved up your thigh. His touch was gentle as he slid his hand in between your bodies swiftly.

His knuckles rubbed lazily against your clothed core and you moaned into his mouth. He bit your lower lip as he slid your thong aside and slipped two of his fingers past your folds.

He curled his fingers inside you and hit all the right places as he fingered you. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he kept massaging your walls while he kissed your skin.

He had to be careful, again, because he couldn’t leave any marks behind that would cause you to get in trouble with your husband.

And he hated it. He didn’t want to be careful with what he did, he selfishly wanted you all to himself. But that wasn’t possible.

Not yet, at least.

 Your hips rocked against his hand as you felt the warmth taking over you. The pressure in between your legs built perfectly as he quickened his actions.

While he slipped his fingers in and out of you, his thumb lazily rubbed your clit and it drove you crazy. Sebastian whispered sweet nothings in your ear as he felt your walls clench around his fingers, and your arousal dripping down his fingers and onto his hand.

 “Come on, baby. Come for me,” he encouraged quietly in your ear and you let out a loud moan as you felt your walls clench around him once more and the waves of pleasure washed over you.

Your hips moved against his hand involuntarily as you came down from your high.

 From there, Sebastian’s need to have you only grew more and more with each second. He flipped the two of you around on the couch and hovered above.

Again, you saw an emotion you couldn’t quite understand in his eyes.

 He leaned down to capture your lips in a kiss again as he slid the thin straps of your dress down your shoulders. You rapidly removed your arms and aided him in sliding it further down till it bunched around your waist.

He lifted off you for a brief moment to get his sweater off and once he bent down again, his hands immediately worked in getting your underwear off.

Once it was off, he threw it on the floor and settled in between your legs; a feral hunger in his eyes. He kissed your skin from your inner thigh up to your wet folds.

His tongue slipped in between your folds immediately as his hands pinned your waist down on the couch. His mouth latched to your core as he shamelessly devoured your heat. You could no longer form proper thoughts as he ate you out. All you could do was moan out loud.

Your hands gripped his hair as your back arched off the couch while his mouth latched on top of your clit; sucking and teasing the sensitive skin.

His beard burned your skin, but you loved each second of it.

 With a few more strokes of his tongue against your core, you came all over his lips. You let out a strained moan as he made you came a second time in the span of a couple of minutes.

He lifted his mouth from your core and kissed his way up your body again. The lower half of his face was completely drenched in your arousal due to his previous act.

He kissed the skin around your breasts while you rapidly unbuckled his pants and lowered it and his underwear just enough to let out his erected cock.

Sebastian’s lips found yours once again as he slowly slid into you at the same time. He swallowed each moan and each whimpered which escaped your lips while he pushed himself into you completely.

 He wasted no time to start rocking into you. The way his thick cock stretched you out made you breathless, and he groaned each time he felt your walls clench around him as he slipped in and out of you rapidly.

He buried his face into the crook of your neck as your back arched off the couch while he pounded into you incessantly.

He groaned out loud as your body milked him perfectly, just like it always did. His hand mindlessly made its way to your throat and he applied just the tiniest bit of pressure on the side of your throat as he wrapped his large hand around your neck.

You moaned his name sinfully as you heard his ragged breaths right in your ear. You immediately wrapped your legs around him as he pulled away just a bit to look you in the eyes.

 “Tell me you feel it to, whatever it is that binds me to you. Tell me, Y/N, tell me you feel like we belong together too,” he spoke in haze while he rammed into you; making your body shake and move relentlessly against him.

 You looked into his ocean blue eyes and your hand came up to gently touch his cheek.

“I feel it too, Seb,” he needed to hear that from you. He desperately needed to know that he wasn’t the only one who felt this way. And once he did, he gave you his all.

He sped up into you and fucked you into oblivion as a single tear streamed down your face. You were a mess, and Sebastian didn’t stop pounding into you until your body was shaking under him, until you squirmed as your walls clenched around him hard.

You came with a cry of his name, and he came right after you. His warm load shot against your walls and he grunted and his face morphed into a frown of pleasure with his cock buried deep within you.

 He collapsed on top of you, careful as to not crush you under his body weight.

 After the two of you were done catching your breath, he sat up on the couch and pulled you into him again. His cum was still trickling out of you and down your folds, and he was still panting and sweaty, both your clothes was still scattered around on the floor; yet neither of you minded the mess you just made.

You snuggled up to Sebastian’s side and he tucked your head under his chin. Your hands wrapped around his damp torso and you just enjoyed the silence and each other’s presence.

 “I’m so glad you came to see me, doll,” Sebastian spoke and kissed the top of your head.

You sighed in delight on last time before the hurt settled in, but you smiled anyways.

 “I had to see you. Here, I got you something,” you reached down and picked up your purse from the floor. You opened it and fished around for a few seconds before you pulled out a set of keys.

Sebastian was confused as you leaned back and settled by his side again.

 “It’s the keys to my penthouse. I want you to have it, I’ve had my people transfer it to your name. It’s yours now.”

Sebastian smiled down at you as you placed the keys in the palm of his hand.

 “Your husband is gonna kill me,” he spoke as he toyed with the keys in his hand.

You sighed.

 “Chris doesn’t care, I bet he didn’t even know I had a place in New York. Just, take it. Think of it as a parting gift,” his head turned to face you abruptly as soon as those last words left your lips.

His hand cupped your face and he caressed your cheek gently.

 “Don’t say that. I’m gonna find you, I told you I’m not giving up on you.” he spoke, and he sounded determined and genuine.

You looked into his eyes and you almost cried.

 “You should. Seb I-, what we have, it… it can never be. I can’t leave Chris, you know that,” you sat up straight and tried to make him, and yourself, see reason.

He scoffed.

 “Why not? He doesn’t make you happy, he doesn’t cherish you, he treats you like he owns you,” he paused and searched your eyes, “he’s bad for you, doll.”

He wasn’t wrong. He wasn’t wrong at all, yet leaving Chris was not an option that you even dared to consider.

 “I know. I know, Seb, but I can’t just leave him. He values his reputation and his status more than anything. If we got a divorce, he would see it as a blemish on his image. And he’ll blame me for it. My parents gave me away without a second thought, they were blinded by his money. I’m helpless,” you finished and almost mocked your own state.

Sebastian lifted our chin up and stared into your eyes.

 “You are so much more than just his wife. And he doesn’t want you to see that. Open your eyes, doll. He treats you like shit, you should’ve left long ago. We only have one life baby, don’t waste yours on him. I-,” he stopped himself before he said something which would only hurt him even more.

I can love you so much more than this.

 His words got you thinking for a while. Yet, you stayed silent and decided not to say anything against Chris.

“I should get going, I have an early flight tomorrow.”

 Sebastian turned his head the other way as you picked your underwear up, got dressed and straightened your dress again.

Seeing he was upset, you sat back down on the couch and held his hand in yours.

“Don’t be like this. Seb, look at me,” you gently turned his face till he looked into your eyes again, “I’m so glad I met you. I will never forget you, Sebastian. You are phenomenal, and truly one of a kind.” You lifted his hand up to your lips and you kissed his knuckles.

His jaw ticked as he held back his words again. From the very first time he met you, Sebastian knew that this was going to be more than just a transactional relationship.

He was falling for you; hard and fast. Yet, here you were; breaking his heart and moving further away from him.

  That day, when you left Sebastian’s apartment, you realized what true heartache meant. There was this thread which attached you to him, and the further you got from him, the more it tugged on your heart strings and it hurt; more than anything.

 Driving back to your apartment for one last night in New York, your thoughts consisted mainly of Sebastian. Occasionally your mind would remind you of Chris but for the most part, Sebastian’s words echoed in your head.

And it bothered you how right he was.

 -

 Your last night in NYC was no different than any recent nights spent there. Chris came home early, much to your surprise. And he wanted to take you out for dinner, you agreed without giving it much thought.

Dinner was monotonous, and tiring for you. Chris would tell you how pretty you looked every now and then, and you had to smile and pretend to blush.

Throughout dinner, the soreness in between your legs and the thought of Sebastian was all you could focus on.

 The flight back home was short, and all Chris did was answer business calls, which left you to think more about Sebastian.

He hadn’t texted you at all ever since you had left his apartment, and while a part of you was hurt, the other part of you tried to see it as being a good thing. Him not texting you could mean that he was finally moving on, which meant that you could move on as well.

While Chris lost his temper at someone over the phone, again during the car ride from the airport to your house, you were on the verge of crying yet again.

The thought of having to forget Sebastian was harsh enough, yet the thought of him forgetting you was somehow even more painful.

 -

Slowly, you reintegrated back into your routine. The following Monday, the minute you entered your office with a heavy heart; you gave Elizabeth a call.

That morning, you decided that you had enough of it all. The pretense; you were done with it. Because as Sebastian had said, you only had one life, and you weren’t gonna waste it on an asshole.

 Elizabeth picked up immediately. And after the casual greeting, you got straight to the point.

“Liz, do you know any really good matrimonial lawyers?”

 She was a criminal defense lawyer, else she would’ve helped you herself.

 -

 Thursday afternoon, Chris dropped by your office, much to your surprise. Usually, he was always ‘busy’ during the day and would never find time to visit you even once.

But this was very much to your advantage. After all, you did indeed had to make him sign certain… papers.

When your assistant called you to let you know that your husband was making his way to your office, you carefully slipped the papers Elizabeth sent you into a random file and waited patiently for your husband.

Not even a minute later, he walked into your office without even bothering to knock.

You fake smiled up at him from behind your desk.

 “Hello baby,” he walked over to where you were.

And you pretended not to see the love bite on his neck, partially hidden by his shirt’s collar. A love bite which you certainly did not leave there on his skin. You had to refrain from pushing him away as he walked over to peck your lips.

 “Oh hi, to what do I owe this pleasure?” you tried your best not to sound sarcastic. Chris smiled at you, before leaning against your desk and reaching out to touch your face.

 “I just wanted to see you. And I was wondering if my beautiful wife would like to join me for lunch,” he smirked as he dragged his finger from your cheeks down to your neck.

You tried not to seem surprised.

 You smirked as well as you stood up and took a few steps until you stood right in front of him. It was time to act like Mr. Evans’ wife if you needed him to do what you wanted.

You placed a hand on his shoulder and your other hand pulled him closer by tugging on his tie gently. You inched your face closer to his and stopped merely centimeters from his lips.

His hands wrapped around your waist as he was almost completely under your spell. You slipped your leg in between his and gently nudged his cock. You felt his length twitch and press firmly against your thigh.

Chris was easy like that, it never took much for him to get hard.

 You kissed the side of his mouth, making sure to press your chest into him.

“I’m sure she would love to. But she has so much to do already, and she has almost no help at all. I don’t think she’ll even be able to make it home early later,” you spoke softly, lips brushing against his frequently and your hand slowly made its way down till you palmed his hard on.

He groaned.

His lips parted as he was completely yearning for your touch. His sinister blue eyes looked into yours, and you shamelessly smirked at him.

 “Oh baby, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he whispered as he tried to lean in but you pulled away. He chuckled at you being a tease, and he tightened his grip around you, “Can I help, at all?” he asked.

And just like that, you had him right where you wanted him.

 “Sure, I just need you to sign these,” you said as you handed him the file. He took the file from your hand without breaking eye contact.

He took his pen out and signed each paper without even a proper look.

 And the moment he handed you back the closed file, your inner voice screamed in excitement.

“There you go baby, can we go now? Think you can spare your husband some of your time now? I think he could really use your company b-,”

Chris got cut off by your phone ringing loudly on the wooden desk. You pecked his lips and whispered that you’d get back to him in a second.

Honestly, you thanked God for whoever the caller was. At least they managed to get you out of your husband’s grip.

 You saw that it was your assistant.

“Hello?” you answered the call immediately. Meanwhile, Chris got busy on his phone.

 “Hello ma’am, I have someone by the name of Sebastian Stan who would like to meet you. He says it’s urgent,” she spoke and as soon as those words left her mouth, you panicked.

 “What?” you were both scared and worried. And through your peripheral vision, you saw how Chris’ head turned to you abruptly as soon as he caught the surprise in your voice.

  Guess Sebastian did exactly what he said he’d do; he wasn’t giving up on you. Yet now, you only hoped that he managed to stay away from your husband’s eyes – for his own well-being. Because you knew that Chris would lose his mind the moment he sees him here…

-

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[remingt0nleith]

dark cherries • five. remington leith • sugar daddy fic.

Chapter four here. 

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I’m terrible I know. But I hope you enjoy. xx. 

After Remington’s hurried departure you drifted to the bar, feeling a mix of elation and confusion as the feeling of your mystery man’s lips lingered against your own. 

You ordered a drink, taking a seat by the one the brothers were occupying just a short while ago. Sipping your concoction of liquor you felt a presence beside you, a man a few inches shorter than Remington seemed to have been captivated by you. He had black hair styled in an old-school updo and a light blue suit that was a stark contrast from the dark colors that decorated the ballroom. A blue mask sat against dark eyes and his full lips were set into a smirk. 

“A beautiful lady like yourself shouldn’t have been left all alone especially by the likes of Remington.”  The distaste was evident in his voice as he lingered by your side, gaze staying stoic despite his harsh words.

You looked up at him, raising an eyebrow in curiosity, momentarily looking this stranger over. He radiated confidence and a careless attitude, traits that made Remington endearing but on this man made him appear arrogant.

“And who are you?” You wasted no time in calling this man out. 

He chuckled softly before replying, 

“My name is Brendon. I used to work with Remington and tend to keep an eye out for him. He is honestly nothing but trouble and I wouldn’t be warning you if I didn’t have a good reason.” 

Brendon’s eyes caught yours and you saw something reflecting in his golden brown gaze -- concern, jealousy, pity? You couldn’t tell. 

You simply nodded, hating how caught up you were getting in this situation with him, hated the feelings you had for him despite not even knowing much about him. 

You caught Brendon sizing you up, with an eye roll you got up from your place at the bar deciding to take his words into consideration.

“Thanks for the tip but I don’t need a knight. I can very well handle myself.”

You made sure your dress wasn’t tangled before making your way to the door, not daring to look back at the second rich mystery man to give you attention.

Once seated in your Uber, your phone chimed with a text message:

So sorry for the abrupt departure. Running a business isn’t easy. I’ll be honest I can’t get you off my mind. xRemington

Your heart leaped at the words on the screen but your brain reminded you of the words of caution spoken to you. You rolled your eyes at the memory once again making a mental note that you knew what you could handle.

The alcohol slipping through your veins gave you the courage to send out a risky reply. 

How about I come over and ease your heartache? xxx

Resting your head against the cool glass of the window you let your eyes drift closed, expecting Remington to laugh it off before tucking his phone away to return to whatever late-night business matter beckoned his attention. Instead when your phone buzzed you were surprised to find his address signed with his signature.

Suddenly you were wide awake letting the driver know you’d be changing destinations as your fingers worked hurriedly to update the address in the app.

“Fucking Urie. I swear to God.” 

Emerson mumbled, his once white crisp shirt now hung on his thin frame in a wrinkled mess, his eyes were bloodshot due to lack of sleep, one hand tangled in his messy brown curls and the other clutched his glass of whiskey in a death grip.

Sebastian’s cool gaze watched his brother pace back in forth from his spot against the cherry-wood desk that sat in their shared office.

“We had to know he’d be there,” Sebastian mumbled, gaze flicking from his youngest brother to watch Remington lean against the doorway to the balcony, thin fingers curled around a cigarette. 

Remington exhaled the smoke in his lungs before turning to his brothers and the pile of scattered papers which sat in the sitting area. 

The brothers had to rush home from the gala because they received intel that their former employee turned rival had attempted to break into one of their warehouses and then attempted to get into their residence. It turned out to be a lie so he could turn up at the gala instead and make his presence known among some of the business investors. By getting the three brothers to leave he had more room to work his magic. 

The trio had a long and dark history that involved Brendon -- one that struck a cord in Remington every time his mind dared to drift back to memory lane.

Flicking his half-smoked cigarette into the night he turned to his brothers, eyes glinting mischievously in the dimly lit study.

“I have a plan to get back at Urie but in the meantime, my guest is arriving and I have plans that don’t include sulking with you two all night.” 

Shooting his brothers a smirk he left the room and made his way down the winding staircase to greet you at the door, heart racing a little too quickly. 

Your Uber approached the massive house which sat perched on a hill overlooking the gleaming city lights which twinkled below. This was definitely a house built for a king, you thought to yourself as you thanked the driver and exited the vehicle, shaky legs bringing you to the glass door. 

Before you could knock, Remington appeared, catching your gaze before opening the door his signature smirk on his lips. 

“I’m so glad you could make it, darling.” He greeted, eyes taking you in once more this time there was no mask hiding the trace of lust which swirled in his dark eyes. 

“Thank you so much for inviting me.” You stated appreciatively as he took your hand in his and began to lead you inside.

The two of you walked past the large living room which was decorated with white couches, plush rugs, and a massive flat-screen TV which hung on the wall. 

“Emerson and Sebastian are in the study dealing with the crisis that caused us to leave early,” Remington admitted as he tugged you outside onto a balcony which overlooked a huge swimming pool complete with a waterfall. As beautiful as the pool was, the lights of the city were what truly took your breath away. 

Remington followed your gaze, a hint of a genuine smile ghosting over his lips. 

“That view never ceases to amaze me. Whenever I’m having a bad day or going through something it reminds me that life is so much bigger than our little problems. I know so cheesy, right?” He admitted honestly, turning to face you -- eyes searching yours. 

You shook your head, holding his gaze while trying to keep the feeling to reach out and kiss him at bay. 

“I don’t think it’s cheesy at all” you murmured, flicking your gaze to the lights once more. 

“It’s nice to have a reminder that the world is so much more than us.” You admitted. 

While Remington’s attention was on the skyline below, you stealthily unzipped your massive gown, carefully setting it on a nearby chair before running and jumping into the pool, the cold water calming your nerves as you stayed under for a few seconds, after resurfacing you caught Remington looking at you from the edge of the pool a wide grin on his face. 

Without missing a beat he pulled his shirt over his head then quickly shed his pants, leaving him in nothing but boxers. You tried your hardest to keep your gaze on his but before you could get a good look, you were being splashed by water as Remington jumped into the pool after you. 

Once he resurfaced, his once spiky dark hair now hung just above his eyes giving him a gorgeous new look. 

“This was a good idea.” He chuckled, swimming closer to you.

“Although, I have to say I think it was just a ruse to get me to take my clothes off.” He stated, sending you a playful wink. 

“Maybe it was.” You admitted honestly, attempting to swim away but strong arms stopped your movements. 

Remington pulled you to him, holding you tightly against him in the coolness of the pool. 

“Can I kiss you again?” He asked, fingers moving up to move your wet hair out of your face, thin fingers tangling gently in the locks. 

xx

A/N: Don’t kill me for the cliff hanger.

[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

10 and 13 please please please 😌

@poppy27 and all who requested 10 and 12 here they are! I combined them since they are related. And a bonus slightly creepy but sweet Simon one.

and yes I’m still working on #13. That’s been the most challenging one so far!

10: What sorts of things would they give each other “just because”?

12: Which one likes to surprise the other with a lot of small random gifts?

1.

Baz

One of the particulars I noticed about Snow, that first night in our room, after the Crucible had encumbered me with him (burdened me with his mole-dotted skin, ordinary blue eyes, bronze dusted hair) was how few possessions he had brought to Watford with him.

Worn trainers on his feet. A scant number of ratty t-shirts. A few threadbare trackie bottoms. That fucking red ball.

That was it. Not another bloody thing.

It’s not like I brought much with me. Uniforms, text books, notepads, writing utensils—all were provided to us.

I’d packed some clothes. Pajamas, of course. A few favorite books. A tiny, contraband iPod Fiona had lent me the summer before (discreetly hidden in the depths of my closet, thanks to the Mage’s ludicrous ban on electronics.)

Over the years more items traveled to Watford with me. More books, naturally. Some family photographs (Mordelia was an exceptionally ugly baby) (She’s marginally better now) (it would be devilish hard to look any worse.)

By fifth year there were posters, meticulously confined to my side of the room. Some abysmal drawing Mordelia had made for me that I kept spelled to the wall. A whole shelf of books.

And Fiona’s old lava lamp, for the sheer ridiculousness of it (it was mesmerizing) (and retro) (and I liked to spell it different colours.)

Snow never added anything. Other than larger sizes of the items he’d brought with him initially. And a winter coat. A few nice jumpers, after he started spending Christmases with the Wellbeloves.

No personal effects. No books. No photographs.

At least he got rid of that fucking ball.

It took me years to understand. To realize he went into care every summer, wasn’t with the Mage as I thought. To recognize that he couldn’t afford or even really risk owning anything of value.

It was much the same when I helped him move into the flat with Bunce earlier this year (I did help, no matter what Snow says) (I supervised) (Someone had to.)

Most of their furnishings were tatty cast offs from Bunce’s family home.  Some mystical wall art that she had found in Camden. A mismatched selection of mugs and tableware. Typical uni apartment.

But Snow’s bedroom was so sparse. Just like his side of the room had been at Watford. A bed. A desk. A lamp on a rickety nightstand. A dresser with virtually empty drawers.

Blank walls.

It’s not like that now, no thanks to Snow.

It’s not like he doesn’t have money. Bunce finally convinced him to do something with that sack of leprechaun gold. I took him to a Normal bank, helped him open an account and the bank helpfully converted the gold to legal tender.

It’s a tidy sum. Enough for him to indulge himself a bit.

He doesn’t.

So, I do.

It started before he moved to London. Those weekends second term, when I would visit him at the Bunces.

When he was all long silences and thousand-yard stares.

I held his hand and tried to distract him. Dinner dates. Film nights. Clothes shopping.

I bloody adore taking Simon clothes shopping. He has no idea how fucking attractive he is. Buying him fitted shirts and tailored jeans is as much a gift to myself as it is to him.

I can’t help it.

I think of him when he’s not with me.

I’ll walk by a shop and see a shirt that reminds me of the color of his eyes.

Strolling through a bookshop I’ll find a title I actually think he might like.

A peculiar trinket will catch my eye at a street market and I know he’ll be captivated by it.

I buy them all for him.

Even my old lava lamp has taken up residence on his dresser.

Bunce says Simon’s room looks like a tatty shop stall from Spitalfields Market. It looks nothing of the sort. She’s prone to slanderous hyperbole.

What it looks like is home.

2.

Simon

I’m not sure what I love best about living in London. Rooming with Penny. Getting to see Baz every day (and most nights) (almost like when we were roommates) (but better.) Going to uni. Exploring the city. All the food.

The variety of food is astonishing. There’s posh restaurants and so many curry take-out shops. Neighbourhood pubs. All the street markets.

I don’t know if I like Borough Market or Camden Market best. Or Maltby Street. Or Brockley.

I love them all.

I’m only taking two classes per term this year. My therapist thought that would be plenty, with all that I’m trying to sort through right now. Uni’s been very understanding and accommodating about it all. My therapist sent a letter and spoke with the dean.

Professor Bunce mentioned Metropolitan first, when I was still living with them. Said she knew they had some pathway that wasn’t full-time to start.

But I think Baz’s father had something to do with it too. Baz had dragged me along, to their family lodge near Oxford, for a weekend visit soon after he’d left Watford.

I hadn’t really seen the Grimms much since I’d run away from them, the night the Humdrum had attacked Baz. The night I’d extinguished all the magic for miles around their home.

Well, I’d seen Mr. Grimm, at the Coven meetings investigating the death of the Mage. He’d not said much to me, just gripped my shoulder a few times and said “Simon” and nodded at me.

It wasn’t much. But it helped. Helped to know he didn’t hate me for the hole in Hampshire. For driving them all out of their home. For being with his son.

It was just a quiet encouragement, something I’d never expected from him.

But when Baz took me to Oxford with him, to tell his father he would rather be staked than go to uni there, to tell his father he was moving to London with me, I was anxious.

I was going bloody mental.

So of course, being me, I started babbling on at dinner about moving to London, living with Penny, our fourth floor flat, what my therapist had said about uni. Just nattering on, face turning red, hands shaking but unable to stop the fumbling words coming out of my mouth.

Baz, the prat, just looked at me with one eyebrow raised and a half-smile. Bloody twat. He could have cut in and stopped me any time.

Mr. Grimm looked a little glassy-eyed and Daphne had a fixed smile on her face. I finally took a large swig from my water glass and stopped talking.

“That’s … that’s very interesting to hear, Simon.” Mr. Grimm’s face was impassive. “Have you thought about where you might like to study?”

“London’s got so many options,” Daphne added helpfully.

“Uh, Professor Bunce mentioned Metropolitan. Said it’s got some flexibility, with part-time programs and such.” My face was flaming. Baz’s hand slipped into mine and I could breathe a little easier.

“I’m familiar with it. Sebastian is there, Baz. You remember him?”

And then they’d moved the conversation on and I’d slumped back in my chair and taken another helping of pudding.

But a few weeks after I applied to Metropolitan I received a letter from a Mr. Sebastian Palmer-Lloyd, informing me that I was approved for a part-time pathway and providing information on a scholarship he felt I was qualified for, if I filled out the appropriate paperwork.

I think Mr. Grimm arranged it all.

I haven’t dared ask him or attempted to thank him directly.

Baz said not to worry about it, when I asked him what to do. Said his father wouldn’t want me to mention it. He had an odd expression, when I told him about the letter. A distant, fond look.

I don’t think it was for me, though. I think he was thinking of his father.

So that’s how I ended up at London Metropolitan. With only two classes per term. I got that scholarship. I’ve got tutors and a foundation year advisor who stays in touch with my therapist and is surprisingly helpful to me.

Which means I’ve got a fair bit more free time than Baz and Penny.

Which is why I’m wandering through the market on this blustery Thursday. I’ve had a kebab and an ice cream so far. There’s a stand with baked goods that look wonderfully appetizing. Might take some home for later.

I’m strolling along, eyes darting from the food stalls to the art displays when I see the table across the way. The wind’s picked up and my ears are getting a bit cold. It’s not even the end of October. It’s shouldn’t be this blustery yet.

The table is covered with woolen hats and mittens and scarves. Bright colors, soft jewel tones, dark greys and browns. They’re soft and thick and look so very warm.

I don’t wear gloves much. Or hats. Get too hot still, even without the magic. I’m like a personal space heater, Baz says.

Baz gets cold. He’ll whinge about it tonight, how the temperature’s dropped today. But he still doesn’t do a bloody thing about it. Still wears his posh tailored wool coats, his thin leather gloves. He wears scarves but only because he thinks they make him look mysterious and aristocratic. He looks bloody gorgeous in them but I’ll not tell him that.

I will. I have. I can’t help myself.

Baz won’t wear a hat. He wore the boater at Watford because it was required (he loathed it) but once we didn’t have to wear them anymore he wouldn’t wear any type at all. Not even in the frigid depths of winter. Thinks they make his hair look bad, the tosser.

He’ll wear gloves but the ones he has now are useless. Thin leather ones, no good at keeping his fingers warm at all.  I should know. I hold his hand constantly.

I thought he had lined ones, when we were at Watford. I’m sure of it. I remember seeing him putting them on before he’d go to his violin practice. Cashmere lined, I’m sure.

They must be at his place. I’ll have to see if I can dig them up when I’m over there next. It’s only going to get colder.

I run my finger over a pair of mittens. They’re so many—simple knit ones, ones with a flap you can flip over to free up your fingers, ones made from cozy old jumpers and lined with fleece.

Mittens would surely keep Baz’s hands warm.

I find a simple charcoal grey pair with a thick, warm lining. They’re trim and neat, subdued and sedate.

He’ll still find something to complain about but at least his hands will be warm while he does.

3. Bonus Simon slightly creepy ficlet

Simon

Taking only two classes means I’ve a lot more free time than Baz and Penny.

I don’t have class today but I’m up early, as always.

Baz spent the night at his place. Had a paper due today so he didn’t make it over. Probably for the best. He doesn’t have class ‘til noon today. We usually just stay in bed all morning when he sleeps over on Wednesday nights.

But I’ve got plans for the day and an early start is what I need.

London is the best place I’ve lived, other than Watford. There’s so much to do, to see, to explore.

It’s not great for hunting though. At least not for the kind of hunting Baz does. The non-human hunting.

London’s probably more like an all-you-can-eat buffet for the regular vampire types.

But Baz isn’t a regular vampire. He argues with me about it but he’s more human than vampire. Always has been. All that rubbish about being half-dead. It’s all rot.

He’s basically a human with a taste for blood.

But it’s a bit sparse here in the city for him. There’re rats, yeah, but not as concentrated in one place, like they were at Watford.

Places where they do congregate aren’t places I want Baz going to alone. I know he’s got super strength and super speed and whatnot but I still don’t fancy him lurking in Hackney in the middle of the night.

London’s not even in the top twenty rat-infested areas of Britain (yes, I looked it up) (Research.) There are some right big ones in Hackney but it doesn’t even make the list.

There’s a fair amount of birds but they’re a bit dodgy to catch and Baz isn’t too fond of them. There’s deer in Richmond and Greenwich but it’s not that easy to drop a deer in the middle of London, even at night. There’re people around all the time.

You can find badgers in some of the parks but Baz says they’re an endangered species so they’re off limits. That’s taking it a bit far if you ask me. What’s one badger, here and there?

Baz draws the line at bats too. I tease him about that. He’s just too fastidious. Drives me mental. He’s got to feed somehow.

Odd thing is he’s not needing to feed near as often. He used to feed almost every night, he would, at Watford. But since last term he can go two days or sometimes even three and not be worse for the wear. I’m not complaining, mind you, but it’s odd.

Maybe the whole Numpty incident reset his vampiric metabolism? I don’t know. I’m no expert on vampires.

Probably more of an expert than most. On one particular vampire.

So anyway, feedings have been a bit chancy for Baz now that he’s in the city. He’s made do with rats and pigeons, the occasional deer if he can manage it.

He lets me go with him, mostly, now. At least when he hunts for deer. I’m good at lookout, making sure no one’s about, distracting people if I need. Gives him a few moments undisturbed it does.

Even with his altered metabolism it’s still not ideal. He needs a more consistent supply. He’s got a heavy class load. He can’t be out all night trying to feed.

Tried dried blood. I found it on Amazon, of all places. It’s mainly for making blood pudding. Thought it would work all right.

Baz hates it. Made him gag, it did. Says it smells funny and has a chemical aftertaste. Probably all the preservatives. Used it in emergencies a few times, like when it snowed for three days straight in February.

I found some in an Asian market. In the freezer section. I swear to Merlin I had no idea you could get frozen blood in a grocery store.

I’d actually found the place on some Reddit forum on blood pudding. I keep having to clear my browser history. Don’t know what my classmates would think if they saw the searches for blood products on my laptop. Think I’m mental or part of some cult, I’m sure.

The frozen blood wasn’t much good either. Something about the freezing process and coagulation and whatnot. Baz and Penny went on and on about it. I couldn’t follow it all. Just crossed frozen blood off the list of options.

This one Asian market in Catford had fresh blood. Thank you, Reddit. I got a tub of it and brought it home on the tube. Lid must have loosened up at some point. Ended up with the front of my shirt all soaked in it. Looked a nightmare I did.

Walked into the flat and Penny took one look at me and started shrieking about Goblins.

I haven’t seen Baz look that frightened since … since the whole Weeping Tower incident.

He looked terrified. Face shades paler than usual, nostrils flaring, pupils blown, eyes wide and fixed on the bloodstain on my shirt. His fangs popped (I can tell) (His cheeks puff up.)

And then he was right there, running his hands over me, searching for a wound or injury or some such. Got blood all over his hands, patting me down like that.

It took some time for everyone to settle. I hadn’t realized what I looked like, big blood stain in the middle of my chest and splatters of blood on my hands where I’d snapped the lid back on.

Thought I’d been attacked, is what they thought. The Goblins still think I’m fair game so I suppose Penny and Baz had a point.

I put the tub of blood in the refrigerator and went to take a shower. I think Baz burned my shirt. I don’t know why they didn’t “out, out damn spot”it. That should get blood out.

I kind of liked that shirt. But I don’t think Baz or Penny were quite rational at that moment. It’s their biggest fear for me, played out, now that I don’t have magic anymore.

Took me half the night to get Baz settled down enough to try the blood.

Better than the dried blood for certain. Better than the frozen too. Not sure how I was going to manage transporting it back and forth from Catford without another disaster like this one.

Got a big thermos is what I did. Went back a week later but they didn’t have any in stock. Finally got some a few weeks later and transported it home without incident. Thermos did the trick.

Their supply isn’t that reliable. I’m on their list to call when they have it now. The owner thinks I’m some private chef who specializes in blood sausage. The language barrier helps keep them from asking too many questions.

So that’s what I’m up to today. I’ve got a list of butcher shops I called Monday that said they get fresh blood every so often. I’m going round to see if they look reputable and clean. Won’t be getting dodgy supplies for Baz.

I’m hoping if I find enough suppliers I put them in a rotation of sorts. You know something like Catford first Friday of the month, Ealing every other Thursday, Camden on alternate Tuesdays. Something like that. So I’ve always got a supply on hand for Baz.

Keep him from having to prowl around as much at night, especially once it gets cold again. Keeps him out of the dodgier neighborhoods too.

It’s almost six by the time I get home. I’ve got a list and dates and I’m going to put it on a spreadsheet to keep it all organized.

I’ve got two thermoses in my backpack so that’s all right then. I tuck them into the small refrigerator under my desk and head to the shower.

It’s almost eight by the time Baz texts me that he’s on his way over. I’ve got the spreadsheet all done and put the pick-up reminders in my phone.

He’s going to fuss about it all. Baz doesn’t deny it, like he used to, but he still hates talking about it. So I won’t say much. Just tell him I’ve found a steady supply and leave it at that. He doesn’t need to know the details.

That I went all over London today to find reputable distributors. That half of London thinks I’m a blood sausage specialist. That I set up a schedule for myself of when to get the blood. That the frig under my desk isn’t just there because I get hungry all the time.

Baz does so much for me.

I just want to do something for him.

Baz

My heart is pounding in my chest and I can't catch my breath. Simon is staring at me and I can't speak.

I've completely lost the ability to form coherent sentences and I can sense the anxiety rising in him at my continued silence.

This boy. This absolutely fucking gorgeous nightmare of a boy.

He's been fussing with different ways for me to feed for weeks now but I thought he'd finally given it a rest.

But no. I should know by now that Simon Snow perseveres and digs his heels in when faced with a conundrum.

I'm the conundrum.

I know the enormity of what he's done for me. He's minimizing it all, not telling me what I know is true.

That he's traipsed the length of London, personally scrutinizing these butcher shops. That despite his utter loathing of Excel he's put the effort in to make spread sheets--spread sheets, for Merlin's sake--to keep track of dates and times and locations. That he's volunteered himself to pick up the blood, so no one becomes suspicious of me.

Simon’s done all this for me and I'm speechless.

He’s said he loves me. I know he thinks he means it. I want to believe that Simon Snow loves me as desperately, as passionately, as absolutely as I love him.

But I've never really let myself believe it. Not until now.

And it makes me love him even more than I already did, if that's even possible.

I can feel the tears coming on so I grab Simon's shoulders and pull him towards me, burying my face in his neck, my arms tight around him.

"I love you, Simon Snow."He relaxes in my arms and pulls me closer.

"I love you, Baz."

And I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, just how much he truly does.

[katedoesfics]

Under Shadow: Chapter 27

Harvey examined Vincent’s wound carefully. The boy leaned against his mother in the back seat of the Hummer, biting back a sob as Harvey poked and prodded at the leg. Sam, Marlon, and Najia looked on over Harvey’s shoulder.

“It’s definitely infected,” Harvey confirmed as he dug through his make-shift medical kit. “It needs to be cleaned and stitched.” Harvey hesitated. “But I don’t have anything to dull the pain for him.”

“He’s just a boy,” Jodi said, her voice shaking. “He can’t withstand that.”

“I don’t exactly have any anesthesia or numbing creams,” Harvey said.

“I can do it, Mum.” Vincent turned to his mother and smiled bravely. “I bet Dad’s had to do it loads of times.”

“That’s different,” Jodi said quickly.

“Jodi,” Harvey began, hesitant. “If I can’t clean up the wound and stitch the leg, the infection will just spread and -”

“Yes, yes, I know,” Jodi interrupted him. “I know. It will kill him.” She sucked in a breath and met Harvey’s gaze. “Please, just help him.”

Najia turned away and made her way to the cars where the others were gathered, waiting. Shane leaned against their car with a beer in hand, casually talking with Gil. They stopped when she approached.

“What’s the prognosis?” Gil asked.

“It seems pretty bad,” Najia explained. “Infected, the whole bit. We might be here a while.”

“Hopefully not too long,” Gil said. “Can’t be sticking around longer than we need to.” He smiled to Najia. “And we’re so close to finding your gramps, too.”

“Maybe,” Najia hesitated. She was eager to get to the coast, but feared what she may or may not find.

Leah, Marlon, and Sam joined them after a moment.

“You just gonna hog all that beer?” Leah said to Shane, reaching around him and grabbing a can from the back seat. She waved the can in the air. “Anyone?”

Najia, Marlon, Gil, and Sam nodded and Leah passed four cans their way before grabbing one for herself.

“Sure, drink all my beer,” Shane muttered.

“You have a damn twenty-four pack,” Leah accused him.

“Best money can buy.”

“Tell ya what,” Leah started. “When we finish these off, I’ll go back into that store and buy you another case.”

“Big end of the world sale, yanno,” Gil added. “Can get ‘em for nothin’.”

Leah elbowed Shane and winked at him as she brought the beer can to her lips. Shane smirked into his own can as he did the same.

Najia shifted her gaze to her feet, then turned her back on the little group, staring out into the darkness.

“Your grandfather’s at the coast?” Sam asked her.

Najia shrugged. “Maybe. Hopefully.”

Sam sighed. “Yeah. I’d like to think Dad will be there. But who the fuck knows any more in this world.”

Najia hesitated. “What if he’s not there?”

Sam met her gaze and searched her eyes as he pondered her question. Finally, he broke his gaze and drank his beer. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”

“Me neither,” Najia muttered, turning to her beer. “That’s the only goal I’ve had in my life over the last couple months. I don’t know what I’ll do if he’s not there.”

“I guess we find a new goal,” Sam said softly.

“Like what?”

Sam’s gaze was on the Hummer where Harvey worked on his brother’s leg. “Survive. Live.”

“I don’t know how much longer anyone can survive this.”

“Then we make the most of it, I guess.” Sam turned back to her and smiled. “Do all the things we couldn’t have done before. Steal beer. Shoot shit.”

Najia smiled. “Those things just don’t seem as exciting when you know there’s no consequences.”

Sam’s lips twisted to the side and he nodded. “I guess that’s true. But I’m sure there are other things, too.”

“Travel the world.”

“Find bigfoot.”

Najia laughed. “See the northern lights.”

“Find Nessie.”

“You and I have very different ideas of exciting.”

Sam shrugged. “It’s a goal, isn’t it? And hey, who the hell knows what’s out there, surviving like we are.”

“Well,” Najia said, lifting her can. “To surviving.”

Sam tapped his against hers. “To living.”

*****

Vincent bravely made it through Harvey’s make-shift surgery in the back of the Hummer. The wound was cleaned, stitched, and wrapped carefully, preventing further damage and infection. Harvey admired his work as the boy rested against his mother in the back seat.

Under Harvey’s orders, they agreed to stay the night in the parking lot to let Vincent rest before beginning their journey once more. They positioned the vehicles carefully in a circle in an attempt to block light from the fire that would drawn in any Shadow People. They gathered around in folding chairs dragged out from the store and continued to drink.

Najia watched as smaller groups began to form. Penny, Harvey, and Maru formed one group across from her, none with beer in hand. Harvey seemed smitten with the pretty red head. When she spoke, he leaned in, listening intently, as if she were an angel whispering a prophecy. But when Maru spoke, Penny’s dimples revealed themselves and she looked away quickly, not daring to meet her gaze, intimidated by her brilliant mind.

Gil and Marlon kept to themselves as they often did, observing their group like two alpha wolves guarding their pack. Demetrius found comfort in Jodi’s company as she looked over her son sleeping soundly. Abigail and Sebastian had found their way to one another, but did not speak much, and Morris sat quietly by himself, seemingly disinterested with the people who had rescued him. Leah and Shane continued to enjoy each other’s company, drinking heavily, while Clint and Gunther spoke casually with one another.

Alex and Sam sat casually beside Najia as the three of them simply listened to the chatter around them. Dusty sighed at Alex’s feet, his face towards the heat of the fire.

“Looks like Shane found some new meat,” Alex muttered.

“We’re not meat,” Najia hissed at him. “Leah doesn’t even like him.”

“Why’s that?” Sam asked.

Najia hesitated. “I might have made him sound like an ass when I met Leah.”

“He is an ass,” Alex confirmed.

“I thought he was your boyfriend,” Sam said.

“He wishes,” Alex said with a smirk.

Sam shrugged. “You guys just seem close.”

Najia mocked Sam’s shrug. “He was just the first survivor I found,” she said. “We’ve only known each other a couple months.”

“I’ve only known you a day and I know you deserve better than someone like that, anyway.”

Najia hesitated. “Thanks, I guess.”

Alex cleared his throat. “Don’t try to flirt with her,” he warned Sam. “She’ll run away again.”

“Sam’s been kinder to me than you,” Najia hissed.

“Maybe more women would be interested in you if you weren’t so arrogant,” Sam accused.

Najia rolled her eyes. “That’s what I keep saying.”

“What’s it matter, anyway?” Alex said. “It’s the end of the world. Sooner or later, we’re all gonna die. Might as well not get attached.”

“I mean, if I could get laid before I die, I wouldn’t complain,” Sam said with a shrug.

“Well, yeah,” Alex agreed with a smirk.

“Unfortunately for you,” Najia said to Alex, “you won’t be getting any from me.”

“Please,” Alex said. “You’re not the only option any more.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Najia said. “I warned them about you, too.”

“Give him a break,” Sam said. “Alex was probably the kind of guy that thought his good looks and suave charm could get him any girl he wanted. He’s never had to deal with a pretty girl denying him before. See?” Sam pointed to Alex. “He doesn’t know how to handle it, so he resorts to petty childish insults to make him look tough and manly.”

“Suave?”

“He’s got jock brain, too.”

“That jock brain,” Alex hissed, “got me a full scholarship.”

Sam leaned to Najia, whispering in her ear. “The best part is he has no idea he insulted himself.”

Najia smiled and looked down at her beer can.

“Whatever,” Alex grumbled. “At least I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not.”

“Forget it,” Najia warned them both. “You’re acting like children. Be nicer to each other.”

Alex slunk back in his seat and turned his gaze to the fire.

“I’m sorry,” Sam muttered. “I wasn’t trying to start anything. I just don’t like the way he talks sometimes.”

Najia sighed. “Me neither.”

“For what it’s worth,” Sam said, leaning towards her once more. “You deserve better than every scum bag guy here.”

“Including you?” she said with a sly smile.

“Yeah, including me.”

“You don’t even know me,” Najia reminded him. “I could be a big slut for all you know.”

Sam shrugged. “I’m pretty good at reading people.” He paused. “Abusive ex boyfriend who dominated your life until this war gave you a chance to escape and start over.”

“Actually,” Najia said with a smile. “I had a very lovely life before all this happened. Single, but I had some good relationships. Good friends. It was just Dad and I, but we did okay. I worked in his shop. He was a mechanic.” Najia turned her gaze away and hesitated. “I didn’t even get to see him,” she said softly.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said quickly. “I didn’t mean to.”

Najia forced a smile and met his gaze. “It’s okay. But I don’t think anyone could look at this war as a blessing or a second chance.”

“Maybe not,” Sam said. “But why not try to find the positives? A little light when we’re stuck in this darkness. Sure, we’ve lost people. But I might get to see my father again. And I got to meet you.”

“I used to think that way,” she said. “It just gets a little harder with each day.”

Sam nodded. “I get that,” he said. “But, we’re all in it together, anyway.” His hand rested on her arm and he smiled.

Najia looked across the fire, her eyes scanning the faces illuminated by the light. She stopped on Shane, meeting his gaze. His brows were knit together and he turned away quickly.