#don’t tell him this
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Have some incredibly specific memes.
#okay so#my little brother#wants to be a blacksmith#and specifically make knives#so this is the time of year where he’s not burning alive in the forge#and therefore makes as much weird shit as possible#knives#Christmas#why can’t we have a normal Christmas#we even have pocket knives out during present opening time#cause we like to duct tape the shit out of each package#there was one year he got a full ass machete#don’t tell him this#but this year my brother is getting a full ass welding machine from our parents#it’s fucking insane#WE ALREADY HAVE AN ANVIL SET UP OUTSIDE#WHY ADD A WELDER TO THE MIX#i took welding once in highschool and I hated it#i avoided learning how to use the chop saw#up until the actual final for the class#the whole year#i conned my classmates into cutting my metal for me#and I sucked at welding too
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Jason: I’m dating Roy
Bruce: Hmm (derogatory)
Jason: He has a daughter which makes you a grandad
Bruce: Hmm (delighted)
#i don’t actually think bruce would disapprove of roy#but it’s for the bit you know#jason: god how do I tell bruce that roy and I are dating#dick: just throw lian at him#jason: that could work#jayroy#jason todd#bruce wayne#batman#dc#dc comics#mine
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Returning home
#I like to think it works like Sophie being old in Howls moving castle#without his friends and family and Arthur Merlin obviously ages#but Arthur makes him feel young again - like who he was with him#because Arthur woke up obviously because that’s what happens#it’s true and canon and I said so#(don’t tell anyone im only on season three currently)#my art#Merlin#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#Merthur
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something so fucked up about Chat Noir’s whole deal is that he is in a lot of ways Adrien playing a character. Like Adrien picked up his miraculous and was told he’d be a superhero so he was like “ok, time to act like a superhero!” and he lets himself have fun w it and play up the role and let loose and kind of just allow himself to be silly and goofy and have fun and for once in his life not care about performing Perfection™.
But. But none of the other characters KNOW THAT. So everyone just sees Chat Noir and is like “look at this guy’s ego. He’s so full of himself. Surely it’d be fair to knock him down a few pegs” without being aware of how few pegs he actually HAS. He’s like the “insecure character who overcompensates in ego” trope except he’s really not doing it unironically, he’s just having a fun LARP pretending to have self worth in his off-hours but nobody else is on the same page about it being a game and he refuses to tell them. He just dramatically pouts about it and lets them laugh and pretends like he’s not internalizing it and it is almost 3 am and my brain forced me to write this instead of sleeping I’m gonna take a melatonin
#writing this my brain was like: what if he actually likes it?#what if he likes people openly criticizing him in ways nobody actually does to Adrien agreste?#because Adrien Agreste is perfect and can do no wrong. maybe he enjoys being insulted or something#and then I remembered chat noirs multiple breakdowns about feeling unworthy and yknow what yeah I don’t think he likes it LOL#do normal people actually fall asleep when they lie down#if you can’t tell I recently decided to make my random ml musings your guys’ business instead of keeping it to myself#hope you enjoy#buggachatter
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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6] [Pt.7] [Pt.8] [Pt.9] [Pt.10]
“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.
“Batman. What can I do for you?”
“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”
“Pardon?”
Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.
“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”
“No…? Why?”
“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.
“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.
“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”
The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.
“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”
“Hn.”
“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”
Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”
“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”
“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”
“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.
“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”
“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”
“He’s a child.”
“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”
“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.
“Totally. Yup.”
“…Fine.”
“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”
“Yes.”
——
“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.
“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”
Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.
Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…
Ah!
“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.
“Anyways, fork over my payment.”
Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.
“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.
“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”
“I don’t litter.”
“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”
“An alive friend?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”
Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.
——
“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”
“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”
#batman#danny phantom#bruce wayne#dc x dp#bamf danny phantom#dpxdc#dcxdp#hal jordan#green lantern#the flash#Barry allen#mentions of Sam mason#phantom doesn’t pay taxes#but Danny Fenton absolutely pays taxes#his parents taught him how to file taxes#tax season is coming up soon tall I’m stressed#arthur curry#Aquaman#Aquaman and being interrogated on Atlantean history#Batman’s nickname is the litterer#you can’t tell me that batarangs don’t go everywhere#sea cryptic! danny au
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yeah he disgusts me so bad i can’t draw him rihgt
#sentishock#?#they can be called that. who gaf anymore#you can really tell i still don’t fucking know how to draw him i’m fighting it out#transformers#tf fanart#tf#idw transformers#tf idw#transformers fanart#maccadam#mtmte#senator shockwave#sentinel prime#tfone sentinel#tfo sentinel prime#tfo sentinel#transformers one#tf one#tfo#starscream
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He got some fact checking to do
#Crepus lost like 5 years of his life at that moment#He will lose more#You can tell me Diluc cried and was all ‘was i a bad older brother’#I don’t believe it#Kaeya probably told him he will go check things out in sumeru#And diluc was sure.#They are kids they probably don’t know how long a mile is#‘Far’ is just what’s behind the hill#I like to think crepus took the next ship immediately#He didn’t even returned to the winery that day#He just handed Diluc to addy jcsthnk#Crepus#kaeya#diluc#genshin impact
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Gregory is a mini version of FNAF game Michael
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#michael afton#fnaf gregory#fnaf#security breach#fnaf 4#sister location#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddy's#I think Gregory lowkey actually thinks Michael is really cool#so he was excited to be sorta like him#Michael is being a big brother again BAHAH#don’t worry Michael won’t tell Gregory what he did and just teach him to be better 🙏��#Michael knows a troublemaker when he sees once cause he was one#they are like brothers your honour
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Eddie tells Wayne everything. They’re very open and honest with each other. Always have been.
Steve, on the other hand, does not talk to his parents unless he absolutely has to. If they asked him what his favorite song was, he’d lie.
So, it’s a bit of a shock when they’re back in Eddie’s bedroom, making out. Things are getting heated and Steve can hear Eddie fumbling one-handed in the drawer of his nightstand right before he mutters, “Shit.”
Steve asks, “What?”
“Nothing,” Eddie says, pulling back a bit. “Just give me a second.”
Steve watches him slide off the bed, throw open the door, and practically shout, “Hey Wayne, do you got any condoms?”
Steve is so mortified that he dissociates for a second and then leaves out the window so he doesn’t have to pass Wayne on the way out.
#Steve can’t fool around knowing that Wayne is in the next room knowing that he’s fooling around#Eddie doesn’t get why that’s a problem now. What else would he think they were doing with the door shut and music turned up#Eddie: Wait…did I accidentally out you? I thought you already told Wayne.#Steve: No! I d- why would I have told Wayne?#Eddie: I don’t know. he already knew we were fooling around when I told him#Steve: Why did you tell him?!#steve harrington#eddie munson#wayne munson#steddie
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Do you guys think Solomon’s candle in thirteens cave is like those birthday candles you blow out and immediately comes back to life. Every now and then Thirteen will get extra fed up with him and blow it out or nub it and every time it actually goes out, she gets excited, then she realises what she just did and oh no she could get in trouble for this and she’s actually grown pretty fond of him over time- oh and he’s back. Nevermind.
Whenever this happen Solomon just gets weak and his vision goes black and it’s been very badly timed to when he stands up so he just thinks he has low iron or something
#obey me#obey me solmare#obey me!#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#thirteen obey me#obey me thirteen#solomon obey me#obey me solomon#I’d just say 13 was excited but honestly she’s gotta like him a LITTLE bit by now#lowkey a Solomon and thirteen shipper but don’t tell the masses
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I saw a post that said “Dragon Age discourse walked so that Baldurs Gate 3 discourse could run” and that’s absolutely false. Dragon Age discourse sprinted, foaming at the mouth, so that BG3 discourse could skip happily through a meadow
#that OP clearly wasn’t in the DA fandom when Inquisition came out lmao#people acted like mages were a real life opressed group#don’t even get me started on the discourse around which romance options were justified and which ones meant you were a bigot/abuser/etc#is Astarion existed in Dragon Age people would literallt never stop fighting about him I can tell u that much
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jason todd swears like a sailor whenever you ride him. the visual of your body on top of his, the feeling of your hands on his chest and your cunt fluttering around him, the sweet sounds of your moans and mewls— everything about getting ridden makes jason’s dick hard and turns his brain to mush
#won’t stop swearing. moans loud. keeps calling you pet names and praising you. waxes poetry about how pretty you look riding his cock.#the thought of it alone makes him feral. has made him hard on patrol more than once (he becomes even more brutal towards the criminals when#he’s in this mindset. he’s fighting off the adrenaline that the thought of you naked above him is making him feel)#he has come home early more than once with blood on his clothes and his dick hard in his pants telling you he needs you#he still needs clear vocally expressed consent before he does so much as breathe you in because as wound up as he may be he can’t stay hard#and aroused if you don’t want him back. your consent is crucial to him and he makes sure to ask for it multiple times even during sex#because nothing matters more to him than knowing you’re as into whatever you’re doing as he is#and the vocal admission of you wanting him (physically but also mentally and emotionally and psychologically) is a big part of his drive#jason todd x reader#jason todd smut#jason todd imagine#red hood imagine#dc imagine
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Oh, oh.
Yes.
My favourite “Merlin?” Very underrated moment, in my opinion.
#arthur had no reason to call HIS MANSERVANT LIKE THAT#WHAT WAS THE REASON?!!#the sweet ‘r’ rolling between his tongue and teeth LIKE PLEASE#arthur had just said to him there were no limits to his intelligence and then he sweetly calls him like that?#yes it was to apologise#NO I DON’T MAKE THE RULES MY MAN ARTHUR HERE IS SMITTEN#TOTALLY AND IRREVERSIBLY#and merlin doesn’t react AT ALL to THAT arthur’s tone of voice#so yeah#your honour the jury the president and annis’ kingdom#it’s not the first time arthur calls merlin like that#oh i’m so weak ARRRGGGGHHH I NEED TO SHAKE THEM#TO CRADLE THEM IN MY ARMS AND TELL THEM TO JUST SNOG AND SHAG THE LIFE OUT OF EACH OTHER’S#OH THIS IS SICK#*cough*#okay i’m fine#NO I’M NOT#merthur#merlin bbc#merlin#arthur pendragon#bbc merlin
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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc
"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."
"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.
"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.
"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"
"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.
"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."
"This is where I live."
"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"
"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"
"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."
"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."
"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."
"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"
"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"
"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"
"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"
"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"
"Please, call me Bruce."
"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."
Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.
"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."
#dpxdc#batpham#i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e#immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot#after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along#my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom#and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan#(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets#dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp#they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny#duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone#everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him#damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but#2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers#(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha#spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha#anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun#i wanna make these slides so bad
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Reverse trope
where instead of the Bats forgetting that they’re adopted (something actual adoptees do on occasion and is hilarious) they forget that some of them *cough Damian cough* aren’t
_______
Jason in the heat of a probably ridiculous argument: Yeah well YOU’RE adopted!
Tim just as invested in said argument: So are YOU! We all are!
Damian who had previously been quietly watching this unfold while he drank his tea: Actually I’m not
Tim and Jason who didn’t realize he was there but are already DoneTM: …… Damian continuing to sip his tea entirely unbothered: :)
Damian: Because I’m not an orphan-
Jason: ok, yoU KNOW WHAT-
____
or like in their group texts (that we know they have thanks to Nightwing (2016) #79)
*Steph changed the group chat name to “Bruce Wayne’s Personal Orpanage”*
Jason: Really?
Steph: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Steph: It’s the truth Damian: Both my parents are very much alive
Steph: Shhh you don’t count
Cass: Mine too Duke: Technically so are mine
Barbara: I still have a dad so there’s that
Steph: YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE JOKE
Tim: Stephanie aren’t BOTH of your parents alive???
Steph: KNOW WHAT? FINE
*Steph changed the group chat name to “The Technicality Police”*
Tim: well that’s more accurate at least
Steph: :)
_____
Damian in his 10th argument with Tim of the day: That’s- this is-
Tim in full Antagonizing Big Brother mode: I’m listening
Damian -a Gen Z and best friend to Jon Kent- extremely frustrated: This is such Motherless behavior!
Tim taken aback: [voice cracking] W-what-?
Damian who didn’t mean to say that but doubling down anyway because his bloodline doesn’t believe in admitting mistakes: THIS! This is such Motherless behavior!
The rest of the family who is also motherless: :O
Cass whose been spending way too much time with Meme Queen Stephanie Brown and not involved in the argument but finding it entertaining regardless: [nodding along seriously] Facts
Tim: [visibly betrayed] CASS WHAT-
A video copy of the interaction gets sent out anonymously to the entire family. Barbara is the prime suspect but there is no proof as of yet (and they will never find any)
Steph, Cass, and Duke continue to respond “Motherless behavior” everytime one of the bats does something they deem questionable/insane. It is said often
It only stops when one night in the middle of patrol. Batman is in full Dark Knight mode (possibly in the middle of threatening someone) and descends from the ceiling into the middle of a warehouse drug deal, dark cape billowing out behind him-
and Steph just automatically whispers “Motherless behavior” forgetting her com was still very much on
She immediately realizes what she said and frantically apologizes but it’s too late.
Bruce just- Blue Screens. Completely stunned into silence
Dick -who was unfortunate enough to be the one teamed up with Batman tonight- is fighting for his life to choke back his laughter
Jason doesn’t even try to stop his and has collapsed to his knees from lack of air from how hard he’s laughing. Cass try’s half heartedly patting his back to help to no avail
The criminals are terrified into surrender from The Red Hood just laughing hysterically at seemingly nothing while Batman just Stands There
Damian ends up being the only one still functioning enough to continue arresting everyone, though he is privately amused and strangely proud
Tim and Barbara have saved both the com recordings and cowl footage to at least three different servers and sent it to absolutely everyone before Batman even recovers
Duke finds out second hand the next morning and is furious he missed the chance to see it in person. He declares he is moving to the nightshift so it doesn’t happen again. (He is all talk and goes to bed by 9 pm)
Bruce bans the phrase for life and promises swift and server punishment to anyone who dares to use it again
#Like it’d be so funny#Imagine them on mothers day#Damian at unnecessary volumes: I AM LEAVING TO GO TO VISIT MY MOTHER NOW#Damian: WHERE SHE LIVES.#His brothers on their way to the cemetery or smth: ._.#Damian still going regardless: BECAUSE SHE IS ALIVE#I just know Damian “Certified Mama’s Boy” Wayne would be such a menace about it#And Duke Babs Steph and Cass would so help fan the flames#batfam#dc comics#fanfiction#headcanon#chat fic#Can you tell I read them often#And yes adoptees forget they’re adopted#I have a friend who has on multiple occasions started to tell me about something that “ran in the family”/something in her family history#Before she’ll remember she’s not actually blood related#someone has probably already done this#But I still thinks it’s very funny#No I don’t think Jon would say motherless behavior to someone#But I do think he’d know the phrase and teach Damian#I just imagine he educates him on all the Gen Z lingo don’t ask why#crack post#100% a joke dont take it seriously
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I could fix him but I kinda like him a little murderous and psychotic tho
#he would kill me too#but i don’t mind#love my sexy psychotic men#i don’t care about fixing him lol#can you tell i’m also insane?#i like my men broken#and deranged#and psychotic#with a dash of mommy issues#coriolanus snow x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#void stiles x reader#tom riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#theodore nott x reader#ethan landry x reader#billy hargrove x reader#luke castellan x reader#aaron warner#cardan greenbriar#jonathan crane#patrick bateman#this is so unhealthy of me#also very unhinged#but also so real#this is the last time i’m going to talk about being a fixer upper i promise
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