#don’t know when i’ll bring it back | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-casbah-way · 9 months ago

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i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too

#i remember what this boy looked like when he started getting spots and what he sounded like when his voice started breaking #and it makes me so excited even for the parts of t that everyone says are ‘bad’#my identity is so much more binary than i tell myself it is. i play it down because being a fully binary Guy who wants to be purely masc is #a lot harder to break to my mother who is devastated even at the thought of me being a masculine woman #i’ve been pretending for a while that i’m more ‘in the middle’ than i really am because of that #but moments like this always remind me that i know exactly what i want to be and what i want to look like #and it’s the exact opposite of everything my mother wants me to be #this shit is going to be Hard. and i don’t expect my mother will stick around the further into my transition i get #which is so unbearable to me that i try not to think about it. i just can’t go back into the closet even for her #i was trying to force myself to do that before xmas and that’s what made me attempt and end up coming out to her #but i didn’t tell the full truth i just said i hate being feminine and i hate being a girl #i couldn’t bring myself to say the rest and i don’t know if i’ll ever say any of it to her #i wish i had a therapist so i could talk about all this as i’m working through the beginning of transition but. oh well

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kaidabakugou · 1 year ago

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the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺

#kai.rambles #i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired #which okay ik that’s my fault but i took my passport with me just in case and the guy straight up told me that it wasn’t a valid form of id #and im like yeah tf it is ITS A PASSPORT and he said no #and while i was waiting for my mom to come down to the lobby an old lady came in and he turned her away for the same thing #and dudeee okay you turn me away fine fuck off but an old ladyyy??? at that age they don’t pay attention to that just let her pass #and then he argued with another woman bc she brought a flower arrangement and it had water so he couldn’t allow it HELLOOO??!?#so i had to leave and went to go get breakfast for my mom at least bc she stayed the night and i was supposed to stay the day #and when i came back to give her the food she told me that the nurse that was with my grandma asked what happened bc she wasn’t expecting #my mom to return and when my mom told her she immediately got so angry bc that same guy #didn’t allow her and a couple other nurses to bring in a cake for one of the residents #who’s birthday is today and they had a full on argument this morning #so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :(#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id #and he was just being a fkn dick #but the girl called me pretty and it took some stress off and she really liked my blush #and i liked hers so we had a little makeup 101 exchange and it was so nice at least 🥺#and i have a couple cute asks to answer that have made my day as well so i’ll get to those in a few 🥰

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tariah23 · 9 months ago

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It’s just the fact that Gege isn’t usually THIS straightforward and hasn’t been for a long time….. Whenever he does one thing, that thing usually tends to turn out to be even more ridiculous then what it first appeared to be in the first place, ja what I’m saying. Like every time. Please…..

#that’s 100% Gojo but it could be worse…. it could be kenjaku…. even though he should be dead and his body wasn’t even near Gojo’s when he #was killed #but… Sukuna swallowed kenjaku’s will… what if it somehow released from his body or some shit #I don’t know man… this seems to good to be true and kenjaku’s plans were always overly convoluted #for no reason and you could never tell if he was ever being honest even with Sukuna so meh #rambling #I’ve been thinking about stitched gojo ever since he died but what if this is true I’ll be so annoyed ajajajaj #I really like the concept but I don’t want Gojo if he came back wrong… it’ll hurt me sm 😭#I DON’T WANT GOJO BACK IF HE’S COMING BACK WRONG IT’S TOO LATE TO GET OUR HOPES UP LIKE THIS #PLAYING IN OUR FACES LIKE A BILLIONAIRE WAVING A WAD OF CASH IN THE FACES OF THE POOR #gege… I don’t trust him… also #if Gojo really is back fr fr then gege can’t kill him off anymore either that’ll be even worse than bringing him back actually and just…#like what’ll be the point???#and yuuji is the mc now so he should be the one to finish Sukuna off right??? this feels so wrong even though I am sitting in Gojo’s lap #and playing with his mask rn-#he’s MY butterfly behind glass…#MINESSSSS #sorry for talking about jjk 🧍🏾‍♀️#sorry…

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fantasticgothicpeachsludge · 3 days ago

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I think that since at the start of the show they decided to steal Kon away from Tim and give him to Dick they should have put Tim on the outsiders (also letting him have his own team since they also stole that) and have Brion be his Kon substitute

#rip brion #I’ll always remember your cut off story arc king #I think it could have been really cool to have Tim on the outsiders #since ya know he literally resigned from YJ #perfect setup there #and then he’d be the most experienced on the team #prime material for him to be (or try to be) the teams leader sparking conflict between the team #(Tim and Brion) (just like classic Timkon)#crazy thought #I think they should have let Brion kiss a boy #and if they ever bring back young justice #Tim should be that boy #pushing my Tim/Brion agenda #I love him and Violet btw I wanna be clear #ether way it’s queer #Brion and Violet Harper and Violet ether way it’s gay #but at this point I just don’t want Violet or Harper hurt #so I say Brion should kiss a boy and that boy should be Tim #maybe I’m just a Tim lover but I really think he should have been on the outsiders #I think he could have leveled things out a little #or maybe I just miss Robin…#feels wrong when there’s not an active Robin #also I just wanted to say that yj cartoon timkon fics make me violent #GET AWAY FROM HIM #YOU MAY PHYSICALLY BE A TEEN #BUT YOU ARE A GROWN MAN WITH AWIFE #young justice #tim drake #brion markov #young justice cartoon

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justtogetthrough · 8 days ago

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After crying for hours today after speaking with my vet my body finally demanded several glasses of water to replace everything I’ve cried out in the last day and a bit it seems.

My cat may need to be put down real soon. Possibly this week kind of soon.

They’re calling me back tomorrow to check in and decide whether I need to take her to an emergency vet.

I messaged my step kid to tell them she might have to leave us soon and I thought there’d be more time to organize a visit so they could say goodbye, but I’m not sure that’s possible anymore. This kid is the sweetest person you’ll ever meet and they made my night so much better. They’re going to come visit me anyway in a couple weeks even if my cat is already gone because they know not waiting longer than necessary is the best thing for her. They said they’ll come and be with me and make me food so I don’t have to be completely alone for at least a little while after she’s gone 😪

Haven’t heard back about the file recovery and quitting my masters is still on the table.

I don’t know if I’ve ever hated my life more, and felt so out of control.

#please please please let my cat hang on until a day or two after my kid arrives #i want them to be able to kiss her one more time #I think I’ve been in a lot of denial #her symptoms don’t seem that bad though. her quality of life isn’t terrible #it’s just a handful of things that show she’s really struggling #my vet spent so many months telling me there’s a good chance she’d stabilize with treatment that I kept clinging to that #I knew in December I needed to start accepting I need to put her down #but it was so hard when I kept being told let’s see what x amount of time on the new dose will bring #now it’s clear the meds weren’t working and out of NOWHERE she’s taken another decline #no change to her meds or food or anything.#she’s showing signs now it’s time and it’s like a punch to the gut and I’m still screaming no no no no no #my whole life has gone to ruins #the only light right now is knowing I’ll get to see my kid for a few days soon. and then it’s back to total darkness #mb #late night thoughts #delete #probably

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rosicheeks · 5 months ago

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😬

#I have an adhd assessment tomorrow #and I’m so nervous #I have no clue what to expect #and I feel like I should bring something or get something ready I just don’t know what #could I show them some of my unhinged shut up rosie posts and they’ll be like #‘yup you got it off you go’#lol jk #have any of you guys done an adhd assement?#and do you remember how it went?#I know a lot of people get diagnosed when they’re a kid #so I’m more so looking for people who tested and got diagnosed when they’re adult #but I’ll take any and all stories #if anyone wants to share #like is it just an interview where they ask a bunch of questions?#do I need to bring up all of the symptoms I think I show?#idk idk idk #I should get up and start my day #buuuuut back to bed I go lol #shut up rosie

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largetriangles · 2 months ago

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Home posting again

#it’s been less than 48 hours that I’ve been here and I’m-#discussion of self harm warning #- already having urges to relapse. vague ones with no intent to follow through but Jesus #I don’t get why they even fucking want me here when I’m always so combative within a day of being here #I don’t really know how to stop it either our communication just breaks down so badly #I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to feel like this. I guess that’s just what Christmas brings #and being home makes me feel so so so so lonely #I still get texts back and I talk to people I guess but also I become so aware of every text I don’t get back and get so in my head #bc I don’t wanna be so so so annoying and overbearing but that’s my nature. that’s what I do. this bed and this room hold so many memories #I don’t even feel like I’m representing myself right with these words. I wanna go on a walk and listen to 21p but I’ve got an essay to do #I keep wanting to send things that I think will strain relationships. I will overstep I’ll show a little too much and I’ll be misunderstood #or understood. in a way that makes people less interested in spending time with me #full of anger and fear and tears #mom also made a nasty dinner. so I’m hungry and only ate part of a bad meal but that’s my best option for food rn #I want to be needy and emotional but I can’t go where I want to with it. I know there are ppl that would be there but it’s not who I want #WHATEVER. I have a paper to write.

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echojedis · 2 years ago

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How do people do OCs, I can never get them to click properly

#i think i’m holding back too much the idea is there in my head #but when i’m drawing i’m conscious that i might want to share this stuff at some point so the whole time i’m thinking #about making a good design and i don’t want to give them anything vaguely similar to anyone else’s oc because i don’t want to step on toes #so they end up barely a visage of what i want to be creating #idkkk #the idea i have in my head is an oc who’s a horse girl LMAO their companion is a fathier who they have a very strong inseparable bond with #i am a lifelong horse person and i grew up reading pony club secrets and watching stuff like flicka so i feel like i can bring #something personal to that concept #but i don’t want them to be a mando. i don’t know much about mando culture and i cba to learn so that was the one i did not want hem to be #and yet. i can only imagine them with mandalorian armour #they’re the same species as dryden vos. there’s next to no lore on his species and they’re non human in a way that’s easy to draw #so i can just make stuff up and not be constrained by canon #them being near human is also relevant to their story. they spent a lot of time around humans and they’re close enough to human to get by #but not human enough that there’s something off. they don’t quite fit in and they always felt on the outside looking in #hence why they prefer the company of animals #maybe i’ll have them formerly working in fathier racing but that might be too projecty #this is so rambly i apologise i’ve been very talkative on here recently #ohh this is very off the cuff but maybe they’re the child of loyal mandalorians but never really subscribed to it themselves #having spent a lot of time around fathiers also meant they spent less time around mandalorians. so despite technically being mando #and wearing the armour they don’t really identify very strongly as a mandalorian

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starry-dream-moonlight · 9 months ago

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i was gonna say this in the morning and i forgot whoops- but

serious thing here#

If your gonna send hate to someone cause of something that happened MONTH’S ago

genuinely

Fuck. Off.

#mod aliza rants #Seriously…#it’s over #do i miss some of the peeps i met back then #Yes #but i’m fine with how it ended..really it’s fine by me #So stop fucking lying and bringing past stuff up #people just don’t know when to quit #Try with me anons even once and i’ll block you #Good day imma go play a game now-

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theloyalpin · 5 months ago

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realizing i have to leave all my nana volumes behind 😔

#i was gonna try and take them with me but i decided to prioritize my actual yuri #the ones i’ve read are staying but i’m bringing all my nagata kabi volumes #cause you never know when a lesbian loneliness re-read is needed #and she loves to cook and she loves to eat since i never finished the manga despite buying 3 of the volumes #i’ll come back for them if i can… i don’t want to leave everything in the u.s. but it’s unavoidable rn

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clawsextended · 7 months ago

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a note: i treat memes like i would starters because in my experience plotting tends to fizzle out way too fast. so basically, memes are me saying ‘hey if you feel it, let’s do it!’ if not? just gimme a like. if you wanna save it on your blog for our tag, very welcome to rebagel it. but i always write memes with the intention of continuation, never the expectation. if you make one of my memes a thread — you’ve caught my vibe and i thank you!

#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[just a note because I’ve had people be like ‘hope you don’t mind i continued!’ and i do not! i always enjoy it with great glee! i do not #ever care if i have too much to do. I don’t look at my writing that way anymore. never have really. im the kind of person who’ll continue #whatever happens to suit my fancy. like. when I write for you it is my love language I just need yall to know that. do I expect anything #back? no. but it brings me joy to put stuff out there. for me writing just happens to always spark joy. and if you’re not the type who can #deal with that enthusiasm I am not the blog for you. but if you ARE a very loosey goosey do whatever kind of person? im your man that’s me.#throw shit at the wall I’ll write five paragraphs about it.]

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bibleofficial · 8 months ago

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went to the beach w kp & 4 other indian friends & 3 of us had NEVER surfed before girl WHEW it’s SO fun literally only 20quid to rent a wetsuit & board & i fucking smashed my toes on the sand so much, but also we 1) got the wrong tickets so we got off 1 stop early 2) went to find a bus & the bus that was supposed to be 15 min turned into an HOUR 3) on our way to find a bus back everyone’s phones are dying or dead bc it took us 3hrs longer to get there, cigarettes are out 4) all of the shops in town are closed & the town seems to have ONLY a tesco extra & 1 off license that sells a PACK FOR 15.65 A PACK WHICH IS FUCKING CRIMINAL ITS CHEAPER TO BUY IT FROM TESCO ARE U INSANE 5) the bus back to the other town kept skipping us bc the bus stop wasn’t the ACTUAL bus stop - i had 1 bowl since literally 11a & we got back at fucking 11p 😭😭😭

#diary #i was honestly abt to strangle EVERYBODY #‘do u have a cigarette’ ‘where’s ur vape’ ‘where are we going’ ‘which bus is it’ ‘do u have a ___’ ‘did u bring ___’ girl what am i DORA w #the magic fuckin BACKPACK ??? while ur UP MY ASS dig around & SEE IF SMTHGS IN THERE 😭😭😭😭#i literally broke sobriety again bc i was just #girl i was so agitated & there was 1 TRAIN LEFT BEFORE 11P so we needed to get the 2ND TO LAST BUS OF THE DAY #i deadass was like ‘if we miss that train i will make sure u all go blind’ ‘did u bring a knife’ ‘I DONT NEED 1’#AKSJAKSKAKKSJSKSSJAKJSKAHSKSHDLASKAKDLA #LIKE U BITCHES SMOKED ALL MY CIGARETTES MY VAPES DEAD MY PHONES DYING UR ALL DRUNK IM GOING TO KILL YALL 😭😭😭😭😭#<- me knowing i could never be a parent #tbh if i caught my kid smoking a cig id make em do the ol ‘im going to sit down in front of u w a fresh box of cigarettes & make u finish #the box or pass out’#YES IM STRICT #i think it’s so funny ok unrelated but like they’ll speak hindi & i’ve just #learned it through being around them kind of like i can’t speak it except for some word u know like matachot etc but i’ll Understand the #Context & what’s being Said #ASLKALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLA like while waiting for the train back 1 of them was talking abt me being a fool to the others - literally they’re #all indian & i had walked away so when i walked back he was still talkin but then i started giggling bc i knew he was talkin abt me & how i #pinched a bit of the kebab to throw to the seagull bc he offered it to me & i needed to bait the seagull w something & i pinched & tossed &#& he looked at me like 😦 bhenchod ! & then the seagull came over & i was like :D hi bestie <3333 but then when i started giggling after i #walked back he was like ‘what the fuck does he just know hindi now’#it makes me laugh so fucking HARD 😭😭😭😭😭 LIKE FUCK U I LIKE TO PARTICPATE IN COVERSATION IDC ABT LANGUAGE #like i’ve been surrounded by yall for the past #girl it’s been like a year i don’t even talk to british ppl or americans #ALSKALSKALSKALKSLAKSLALSLA MESS ! i love to slavsquat & kp hates it bc he’s like ‘we’re in the uk why are u sitting like this’ bc he thinks #it’s ’too indian’ ALSKALSKALSKALJSKAKDLA 😭😭😭😭😭 this hips were made for sitting #we’re definitely going to go back bc it’s SO CLOSE IF WE ACTUALLY USE THE TRANSPORT PROPERLY ITS ONLY LIKE AN HOUR OR SO COMMUTE EACH WAY #bring lunch whatever #i’m exhausted but also socially like bro i had to leave the donner place just to walk around the block for SOME QUIET #i’ve just been sososososo busy LOSING MY MIND

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arionaleilani · 11 months ago

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1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!