#don’t get me wrong i still liked some episodes
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alteadelight · 18 hours ago
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are you kidding me.
i know jacob already said this in his stream w dallas but hearing griffin and dallas ACTUALLY confirm that kenny and anthony were supposed to be a couple in their original storyline….
this raises sooo many questions for me. when was this storyline changed?? was it before season 4 filming, or before season 5? was it a last minute change before season 6?? could that be one of the reasons 6x01 was rewritten and refilmed?
most importantly, WHY was it changed?
anthony and kenny were 100% supposed to be the queer representation one of the creators teased about and what the show desperately needed. i love all (most) of the couples in the show, don’t get me wrong. however the show just sometimes feels TOO straight if that makes sense. it honestly needed just one queer couple to balance it out and it would’ve been fine. just a slightly different perspective on things. they didn’t even have to go into any homophobic themes if they didn’t want to; just a sweet, angsty enemies to lovers trope. and anthony and kenny would’ve fit the bill perfectly.
so why get rid of the only queer couple in a show full of straight couples? dallas mentioned his character not having any lines in the last part due to time, and i get that. there were so many storylines and character arcs to wrap up in just five episodes. the writers were probably working their asses off to give each character a satisfying ending. and while i DO have problems with some things this last part, overall i really enjoyed the ending.
but i feel like it was so easy to develop them in the first 10 eps, even if it was just little things here and there. i’m not gonna lie, their last scene at kenny’s house peeved me a little bit lol, because it 100% would’ve been possible to write them romantically. they could’ve even left their relationship open at the end of part 2, then have them hold hands and smile at each other and tease them in part 3, and i still would’ve loved that.
haven’t watched the entire stream w/ dallas and griffin, so i don’t know if they talked about it more; i’m assuming they didn’t. but i just had to rant a little because kenny and anthony are one of the relationships i felt disappointed by this season. the writers had so much potential with them and planned for them to be a couple, and decided to randomly write it out. yeah. another loss for the books.
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vo-kopen · 2 days ago
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My “doom” arrived earlier this month
Linkara of Atop the Fourth Wall was doing Secret Origins month, and the third episode this year was about the origin of the Doom Patrol. The Doom Patrol (I first met them in season five of Teen Titans ‘03) are a group of heroes with different origins who are outcasts from society. I knew that was clear in the modern day (I believed in the nineties they have the first trans woman superhero in the big two) but I didn’t realize their alienation was present from the start in the Silver Age when they showed up in My Greatest Adventure #80. They felt a bit more Bronze Age than I expected from DC in the early sixties, since I tended to subscribe to the narrative that dc lagged behind marvel in leaving the goofy age behind. And don’t get me wrong, the Doom Patrol *are* a silly group with silver age adventures. But there is potential for tougher topics here. I tend not to click with DC heroes, but after my seventh day in a row of rewatching the episode, I finally decided to get a digital copy. The next day I got the second issue, then I got the third today, after which I was reminded of a cheaper way to get them. Doom delayed.* Look sometimes my neurons don’t make logical links.
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So I figured I might as well talk about some of these Silver Age issues. Above is the link to the AT4W episode, if you want to see what sparked this addiction. I will try to go fast through the first three episodes, and then as I actively read them I will try to break them down more. Shoutout to @nitpickrider for the suggestion. For clarity, I will focus only on the Doom Patrol stories in the book, since the book has backup stories.
Issue one uses space quite effectively, and the book completely focuses on the Doom Patrol. The pasts of three of the four members are shown in flashbacks, as unlike the F4 or X-Men they don’t share a common origin. All of them are noted to be outcasts, but Robotman’s alienation from humanity is clearest. We see all of that and the team deciding to unite in only the first story. (Also I can see where the inspiration for a retcon in a later run about the Chief comes from) The second half has them go on a mission to recover a piece of alien tech, where they face their first villain Immortus. You might remember him as the Brotherhood of Evil member in the ‘03 Teen Titans who *wasn’t* Madame Rogue or Mallah and the Brain. It was surprising how quickly events happen, yet the pacing felt fine. I started reading comics in like the early 2010s, so the compressed storytelling was a bit of a shock. But not an unwelcome one. I got two stories for the price of one, and I don’t have to worry they won’t nail the ending.
Issue two’s adventure has the team fight against giant monsters. Well, sorta. The first one is destroyed spectacularly as Elasti-Girl pulls a torpedo out of a sunken submarine and bashes the kaiju with it! Hardcore. Even with later reveals in the story, it’s still impressive, and I have to say I dreaded the sexism of a sixties comic, but so far Rita is a valued member of the team. But the more resonating plot point is that Robotman (who oddly is called Automaton at points, maybe a name from an old draft) cannot see the monsters, and realizes he remembers certain historical events differently. As he is a human brain implanted into a robot body, he begins to worry the surgery went wrong and he’s losing his mind. As someone whose memory is … selective, this emotionally impacted me. It was a nice bit of pathos. Also as an Autistic, the “what if it’s the opposite and the whole world but you has gone mad” felt a bit cathartic. As for the story’s villain, his last “monster” is a pretty clever ploy. Overall the adventure moved Robotman into my favorite of the first four team members.
The third story did not click as much. Part of the issue is the plot involves three reptilian aliens disguised as human leaders to rule the world. It might have been intended with no malice, but given how many conspiracies are stand-ins for antisemitism, I was a bit less … open to the story. There was one thing I will praise, the three active members of the group are honored at a dinner, but the praise sits ill with the group. It reminds me of the savant stereotype. “Sure little Timmy is broken, but it’s okay because he’s good at math.”
Now, I’ve read a little of Issue four from a comixology preview before I was reminded of cheaper ways to read it, and that preview hooked me back in. The story starts with a disgruntled worker threatening to shoot a gas tank. The team gets to work, Robotman first talks to the man, distracting him. Meanwhile, Rita (I can’t keep calling her Elasti-Girl, it just makes me think of the Incredibles. Rita came first, but still. Plus it’s the whole “why are the men men but the woman is a girl” naming thing) shrinks down and Negative Man flies her to the gun. She then uses her body to physically block the gun’s hammer, preventing it from firing. Again, hardcore. The team leave the building, and a civilian says, “Sure good to have you “fabulous freaks” around.” Larry (the host of Negative Man) thanks them but corrects him that they are humans too. Person first language, I don’t do it myself, but the disabled vibes continue to get stronger. Even when they save the day, there is still that casual dehumanizing. We can forgive your ugliness because you are useful. It’s a nice bit of nuance from the era dominated by the Comic Code Authority. For fun, here are the pages from that “opening act” of issue four (These pages and more are available on the Amazon preview)
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Anyway, that’s all I’ve read of the Doom Patrol until now. But why was my doom only delayed? Coincidentally, next month DC is releasing an Omnibus of all the Silver Age Doom Patrol stories. It is apparently $125 USD, and it tempts me. And unlike comixology, the omnibus can’t be taken from me if Bezos gets uppity. (Freaking “oh you don’t own the digital file, you have a license to look at the comic until we decide to take that away” if I buy it I should own it grumble grumble) But the point is, assuming SSI still works next month, I might make a poor financial decision. But honestly, in these doomed times, the morale boost I’ve been getting from these weirdos might be worth it.
Also after I read the silver age run, a friend has recommended the Rachel Pollock run of the nineties. Is it odd to skip the classic Grant Morrison run? Perhaps. But maybe if a certain writer hadn’t made an Autistic character named “Dummy” who their book killed and then had his bully crack a fart joke about him at his funeral, I would be willing to read their books. But instead, vendetta. *shrugs* My hands are metaphorically tied.
@thefingerfuckingfemalefury @majingojira @strixobscuro @nitpickrider @espanolbot2 @akirakan @keeper-of-the-flames and any other comic folks who would want to see me babble about the “world’s strangest heroes.” (Rita’s powers weren’t that outlandish, I mean Doll Man was from like the thirties and Hank Pym was already messing with his size at this time, but I’ll give them Cliff and Larry)
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imjustaf444keriguess · 3 days ago
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I meant ableism towards plurality and systemhood specifically
yeah which is common but that's more from anti-systems fighting against any system. you can be ableist towards plurality and systemhood things, even if the person isn't disordered due to their plurality.
though most the time i see anti endos being ableist is not them being "i don't believe they're scientifically possible", it's more "endogenics are delusional and trying to brainwash others into being fake systems" and such. which would be ableist imo regardless if endogenic systems are real or not.
being plural in the first place is something that is typically not supposed to happen in the human brain.
i disagree. the human brain is already very "diverse" in some ways, and even singlets have "multiple parts" in some ways. IFS is a great example, with the subpersonalities being parts of everyone. the difference in full on systems is the differentiation between those parts and self identification.
if you're someone with DID but don't identify as a system and see yourself as a singular person, you might not relate to plurals and other systems. you might relate more with people who "just" have PTSD, or those who identify as "one".
then there's those who are slightly separated, and then those who identify as entirely separate people. since "selfhood" is a subjective and philosophical concept, you can't exactly prove that one body is "literally 100% actually separate people in the brain", unless you were to give a scientific basis on what a "self" and a "separate person" is.
If it happens then it happens, but there is a good chance that it is likely the result of hinderance in development, which is why it’s important to get it checked to make sure that it’s not affecting you negatively right now and that it won’t affect you negatively in the future.
while i disagree that it's "likely the result of hinderance in development", i do think that if it's affecting you in some way, talking to a therapist or doctor about it is important. even in perfectly "healthy" systems, it might still affect you in ways you don't realize, and even singlets have trouble communicating with others, so getting therapy to make sure you're taking care of yourselves is important. and i do think many systems are also going to be affected by trauma (regardless of if you were formed from it), so going to therapy to deal with that potential issue is good.
as for the second point ad plurality in general, theres still a lot that we don’t know about. Heck I could be wrong about it completely and find out more about how plurality actually existed in history and throughout evolution and how the brain actually develops non traumagenic plurality.
there's quite a bit of research out there, but people in the past would not have used the same language as we do now. some may describe their "Actually Plural" experience as imaginary friends, or spirits, or similar labels that nowadays we see as different (or sometimes "not real" like systems are), but if we look far back into history enough, we'd go into times where they did not even know of DID.
i do think there's more stuff to be researched as well by scientists, but there's also quite a bit out there that likely already exists that we (as in me and you) have not seen/read yet.
(Also on your point on non traumagenic systems relating to CDD systems, if you relate to CDD systems but know that your plurality is fine, then great! We only suggest that you look into it especially if you relate to parts of the CDD systems experience that have nothing to do with alters at all, like dissociation, memory loss, or ptsd episodes, because there could be something else going on)
yeah, do keep in mind why you relate to someone else, and what that could mean. if you think you're endogenic, but then relate to the flashbacks and memory loss, then consider talking to a therapist. maybe in the end you'll still use the endogenic label, but making sure you have the skills to deal with trauma (past and future trauma) is important in times where trauma seems to be the norm and putting yourself in stressful, and sometimes even traumatizing situations is encouraged by many, sadly.
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Ive seen non traumagenic systems online claim to have dealt with ableism regarding their plurality and calling anti endos ableist and sometimes it makes me wonder if they even realize what they’re saying.
Let me point out two very important things…
1, anti endos are not ableist, we’re literally trying to defend our disorder because it’s already stigmatized and demonized a lot by social media and having non traumagenic people associate themselves with us in any remote way makes it harder to convince people to take CDD systems seriously. Yes, some anti endos are rude, mean, and sometimes bullies, and thats not right because people shouldn’t be hurting each other, but you need to understand that the level of trauma systems have been through to even get a CDD is severe (in a subjective standpoint since everyone experiences and processes trauma differently), so when we see people who are like us without the bad parts, without the memory loss or the trauma, we see it as a mockery 90% of the time, as something that invalidates our experiences that we didn’t ask for. Not all traumagenic systems have gone through recovery, which means many will carry negative traits and habits that they picked up from their trauma, us included. We have not gone through any sort of recovery yet and we will make mistakes, it’s just how our disorder is at the moment, but it doesn’t excuse our actions and we should be held accountable if we make a mistake. If you are being harassed by anti endos, then walk away and block the person.
You can’t expect CDD systems to be nice to you, especially when a lot of us have dealt with ableism and trauma from non traumagenic systems. It’s the Internet, if you don’t like something, scroll.
2, if your non traumagenic plurality doesn’t hinder your life and make it difficult to live then it’s not a disability. If it’s something you willed into existence and quite literally asked for (talking about willowgenics and tulpas to some extent) then it’s not a disability. And if it does affect your life negatively then it’s something that you should actually get checked because chances are, you’re probably otherwise traumagenic or deal with something else with similar symptoms. There may not be enough research on CDDs and non traumagenic plurality but if it actually is making your life difficult then you need to seek help, because regardless of your origin, plurality is not normal. Humans are not supposed to have multiple parts/alters because our brains are not meant to handle separate parts that way without leaving negative consequences; at most we are supposed to have a 3 dimensional identity that is still one whole and can change and adapt over time, but also shouldn’t affect your memory, your mental health, or impact your life negatively.
Ableism is hate targeted towards disabled people, which can include autistic people, people with ADHD, people in wheelchairs, people who wear glasses or are legally blind, cane users, nonverbal people, people with personality disorders, people with schizophrenia, and of course, people with a CDD. Every single disabled person will tell you that they did not ask for this disability and would rather be normal instead, because like we said, disabilities impact peoples lives negatively.
If you’re someone who genuinely understands the struggles CDD systems face yet also deal with non traumagenic plurality, then you would know when to not overstep and push CDD systems at their limit. You would know to not misuse medical terms which are meant for CDD systems to use. You would know to look into your plurality and see if it is truly non traumagenic or if it’s an actual disorder or a CDD and get treatment, rather than taking no action on it. You would know to stay away from CDD spaces and not invade them.
Plurality is not studied enough, and theres a good chance that there might be an answer to what causes non traumagenic plurality or what it even is, but regardless of what it is, it is definitely not comparable to a CDD. If you relate more with CDD systems than non traumagenic systems, then you really should look into it.
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dykejugheadjones · 9 months ago
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there is a special place in hell for season eight of supernatural
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demigodofhoolemere · 9 months ago
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Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.
Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:
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#doctor who#dw critical#spoilers#dw spoilers#i get it edgelord you don’t care for religion. you don’t have to alienate religious members of the audience.#i at least appreciated that the doctor agreed with splice that gone and dead are different things and told her to keep the faith#but like. he immediately thereafter still tells mundy that he doesn’t like faith and spent the whole episode disparaging it.#which just feels so wrong for a show that’s supposed to be open minded about the beliefs and cultures all across the universe#i hate when writers gratuitously make the doctor take a hard and broad stance on something that he would NOT#reminds me of s8 when twelve suddenly hated all soldiers#as if some of his closest friends haven’t been soldiers? brigadier? benton and yates? sara?#big difference between corrupt military and literally every soldier#the same way there is a big difference between a corrupt religious organization or individuals who use religion as an excuse for cruelty#and like. ALL faith and the idea of having a faith that you live by whatsoever.#just because his comments were aimed at something corrupt doesn’t mean they weren’t WAY too sweeping as if he meant it on the whole#i definitely enjoyed the bulk of the episode but that just felt like it was done in bad faith and made me uncomfortable#and i just read moffat’s comment on the thoughts and prayers thing and UGH#i get why there are circumstances in which that can feel hollow — usually if it’s coming from a corporation that could actually do somethin#but can we not villainize all the normal people who genuinely mean that with love?#people who often CAN’T do anything but say prayers for you?#that IS a legitimate response and a legitimate action#someone can’t physically aid you but cares to take the time to talk to the God of the universe about you and your need and plead for you#don’t tell me that isn’t love or that it’s not really doing anything#sometimes that’s all you CAN do and it’s more than people give it credit for#blatant disregard and willful misunderstanding of faith like this just rub me wrong#it’s painting with a broad brush and it’s close minded#and yes i’m gonna post this. i’m feeling controversial.#my love/aggravation relationship with moffat continues#in the wise words of kira nerys. if you don’t have faith you can’t understand it and if you do then no explanation is necessary.
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thebeautifulfantastic · 2 years ago
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how unfortunate that i have two hyperfixations, several side interests, and a load of homework all clamoring at the same time for priority in my brain
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curly-cottage-girl · 10 months ago
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I've never seen X files, is it good?
If you like a bit of spooky, a bit of silly, plenty of 90’s nostalgia, and a male-female partnership based on mutual respect and trust despite differences, then heck yeah it’s good 👍 also this was back when people actually made good shows that sometimes had filler episodes/monster of the week episodes (complimentary) because they weren’t trying to cram plot as tightly as possible into one season before they got canceled by Netflix
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summerloo · 2 years ago
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I do wish there were more clues or hints to Gabriel’s and Beelzebub’s relationship and they didn’t wait until the last episode to reveal literally everything but it’s cool since it was very Lovely
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seddair · 4 months ago
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,
#one thing that has certainly not changed as i’ve moved from the b*ddie side of the fandom to the b*cktommy side#is the arrogance of some fans that look down on others because they have concerns about the show or think they missed some opportunities#that was very present on the b*ddie side when i was there (would imagine it still is) and apparently it’s also a theme over here lol#it’s pretty jarring when i compare it to my one of my other big fandom experiences (tvd)#like people were constantly shitting on the storylines and the writers and julie plec 😭#so many steroline fans were worried that they would ruin the ship once they got together lmfao#it’s just very different compared to this show and i don’t know if i really understand why?#because there are plenty of things to criticize this show about lmao#maybe because this show is clearly for adults and tvd was a young girl’s show? idk#it’s weird and both kinda suck in their own way ngl#anyway#oh and i’ve been thinking about the promo for episode 5 and there’s no way t*mmy is in that episode either lmao#i just don’t see where he would even fit in#know better than to even hope for a mention atp… lol#boy was i wrong in taking tim seriously when he said he liked t*mmy because he would be easy to incorporate into the dynamic of the 118#because he’s being treated like every other li b*ck and edd*e have ever had so far#which is really disappointing tbh!#the way he was treated last season sure made it seem like he was gonna be different but alas#certainly doesn’t seem to be the case anymore#i have some Thoughts on why that might be that might get me excommunicated so i’ll keep them to myself for now lol#anyway people have a lot of good reasons to be concerned because ik i am lmao
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lousyboris · 2 years ago
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tried to rewatch o.hshc and it just kept getting worse
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cookiescribble · 7 months ago
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Extracurricular
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A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts fully written for like a month, i’m so sorry 😅 but i know we all love the professor episode, so I had to write a little something about it 🫶🏻 - mod angel
Pairing: Professor!Reid x Wife!Reader
Summary: Spencer is confused about why so many students are auditing his class. As his wife, you decide to come and investigate.
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You heard the apartment door open, glancing up to see Spencer drop his keys on the table by the door. 
You were reading on the couch, laying down and killing time before it was time for him to come home. You sat up, placing your bookmark on the page you last read before dropping your book on the coffee table. “Welcome home,” you smiled up at him. 
He flashed a little smile, but you could tell something was up. You moved to sit cross-legged, making room for him on the couch. “What’s wrong?” You asked, patting the spot next to you so he could sit. 
He plopped down on the couch, sighing, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into you. 
“You looked so excited this morning,” you ran your fingers through his hair, something that had become routine when he came back from a tough case, or just needed some extra affection for any reason. “What happened?”
He sighed again, turning to look at you, resting his head back on the couch. “I don’t know, I was really excited to teach. I love sharing what I know with people.”
You nodded, fully aware of this. It was something you loved about him, always eager to teach you something new. It was annoying when other people did it, but not when Spencer did it. “Uh-huh. So what’s the problem?”
“I… I was eager to be an actual professor, hoping I could help people with their studies and their grades.” He looked a little frustrated. “But most people are only auditing the class. Only a handful aren’t.”
You nodded thoughtfully. “That’s not what you were expecting, huh?”
He shook his head. “I mean, I guess it’s good that people want to learn about this stuff? It’s just not how I pictured it.” He shrugged, running a hand through his hair. “At least they’re listening to me. And some of them are pretty enthusiastic about participating. There were a few girls who seemed really excited about this stuff.”
You looked at him, narrowing your eyes a bit, a little smile on your face. “Wait, so… these people are auditing your class. And girls are participating… you said they listen to you… do you think they’re paying a little too much attention to you?” You inquired, slightly amused.
He gave you a confused look. “What do you mean? I think it’s a normal amount of attention to pay to a class.” He shrugged. “I mean, I always felt like no one was paying enough attention when I was in college, so I was pleasantly surprised that people were actually participating, asking questions, some of them even stayed for a bit after the class let out because they wanted to know more.”
You couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “Uh-huh… so, you got college students to not only stay awake, but alert and attentive… and they wanted to stay after class,” you spoke slowly, wondering if he would get the hint.
He nodded. “Yeah? Why?”
You gave him a pat on the shoulder, smiling and shaking your head. “Yeah, I know exactly why so many people are auditing your class.”
He still looked confused. Very oblivious. It was kind of adorable. “I don’t understand,” he replied, his brows furrowed.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, twirling a finger in his hair. “They must’ve heard that this class has a sexy professor.” You laugh softly, watching the cogs turn in his brain as he processed this.
He scrunched his nose a bit, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think that…” He stopped, his eyes darting around as he became deep in thought. Probably perfectly recalling everything from his class that day. “… You really think that’s it?”
You nodded, kissing his cheek. “It’s adorable you wouldn’t have even considered that if I didn’t say anything.” He was absentmindedly running his thumb over your hand that rested on his shoulder. “I mean, I don’t blame them. I’d definitely audit your class.” You took his hand and started twirling his wedding band around his ring finger. “Did you tell them you’re married?”
He started to blush a little at the attention you were giving him, and at the thought of other people wanting to give him attention. “I’m pretty sure I mentioned it at some point… I think someone asked about it-“ He cut himself off, looking at you again. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”
You laughed, draping your legs over his as you gave him a quick kiss on the lips, which he returned. “Maybe I should visit your class, see what all the fuss is about,” you winked at him.
He smiled, running his fingers through your hair. “I don’t know if I’d be able to concentrate with you there.” He leaned in to kiss your forehead. “But, I admit, it would be nice.”
The conversation eventually fizzled out, as you and Spencer naturally fell into your usual evening routine; mostly just sitting on the couch in each other’s arms, talking, watching TV, and eating dinner. 
You had an idea in your head the whole time, keeping it to yourself. You had a surprise planned out now. 
The next day, after Spencer left for his class, you quickly got dressed to head out, throwing on a sweater and modest skirt with some flats. Nothing too fancy, you wanted to fit in with the other students. 
You remembered him telling you the building his class was in, and you were able to slip in like you were supposed to be there. You found the classroom after wandering for a while, quite a few students already sat in the class. Of course; very eager, you thought
You thought about just sitting in the back to blend in with the background, but something possessed you to sit in the middle near the other girls in the class. Not really jealousy; you knew Spencer has never even given anyone else a second glance since you started dating. It was more like… pride. Perhaps a smug feeling. You may be infatuated, but that’s my husband.
You sat down near a group of girls, and they eyed you for a moment. You fidgeted, thinking they were going to start whispering bad things about you. Habit from when you were in school. 
Instead, one of the girls leaned over, speaking to you in a friendly tone. “Hey, are you new to this class?”
You probably should have just admitted that you weren’t actually a student, but part of you just wanted to see what would happen. “Yeah, this is my first time here.”
She leaned in to whisper, “Did you hear about the professor? Is that why you’re here?” She was giving you a genuine look, seemingly just curious. Or maybe happy to talk to someone about this. 
You feigned innocence. “No, I was just interested in the subject. Is there something special about him?” You reply in the same hushed tone as her.
She looked at the other girls around her, and they all giggled. One of the other girls responded. “He’s super hot. Didn’t you hear the rumors?”
You bit back a smile. It felt strange, having people talk about him like this. “No, I didn’t hear anything. Is that really true?” You tried to seem interested, without being conspicuous. 
All the girls nodded. You leaned in a bit to match their enthusiasm. 
“I wouldn’t get your hopes up,” one of the girls whispered. “He said he’s very happily married.” She all but rolled her eyes at that. 
A little smile appeared on your face, a warm feeling rushing over you. You put your hand under the table, hiding your wedding ring. “Really? Well… maybe I can have better luck with him.” You rested your chin in your other hand, smiling smugly. 
She scoffed, obviously not believing you. “Yeah, sure. He wouldn’t even look at any of us.” She shook her head. “If you want to believe it, go ahead. I’ll be waiting to say I told you so.”
You were cut off by the sound of a door opening and closing. Spencer stepped out in front of everyone, putting some papers down on his desk. The girls immediately stopped their conversation, sitting up straighter in their chairs and facing forwards. You covered your mouth to keep yourself from snickering. 
Spencer greeted the class, who echoed back his greeting. He started to introduce the material he was going to be talking about today, when his eyes settled on you. His expression softened. 
You gave him a little wink and a subtle wave. He looked like he was holding back a smile, looking away from you to concentrate on teaching. 
It was really a sight to behold, he had most of the class twirling their hair, wrapped around his finger without him even realizing. Not like you could blame the students; he was always able to make everything seem fun and exciting. It was something you loved about him. 
The class seemed to fly by. You were honestly glad you came; you could watch him talk for hours. You’re sure he would if you asked, and you were considering it after seeing this. 
When he dismissed the class, the girls started swarming him at his desk. You laughed and rolled your eyes, standing up slowly and hanging back a bit. 
You could see him politely answering questions, ignoring the girls sitting on his desk and quickly packing up his things. 
You walked closer to his desk, and he looked up and smiled. “Hey!” He called out to you, rushing over to wrap you up in a hug. You could feel the stares on you as you settled into his arms, and he kissed your forehead. “I didn’t know you were coming today!”
You smiled up at him. “I thought I’d surprise you.” You reached up to give him a quick peck on the lips, solidifying the jealous eyes that were glaring daggers at you. You couldn’t help it; you felt a pride building up inside you that you were the one he sought out while he was being crowded like this. “Surprise?”
He laughed, tucking you into his side, his arm around your waist. “Yeah, surprise.” He turned to everyone who was still lingering around you, their faces a mix of confusion and jealousy. “Everyone, this is my wife.”
You gave a small wave, everyone greeting you halfheartedly. You locked eyes with the girl who initially approached you earlier. She seemed more embarrassed than angry. 
Spencer gave you one last little hug. “I have a few things to finish up, I’ll meet you home later, okay?”
You nodded, giving him one last little parting kiss before he slung his bag over his shoulder and started to walk out of the classroom door. 
Everyone was looking at you again, and you felt a little embarrassed now that Spencer wasn’t there with you. You started to excuse yourself quietly, trying to get out the door quickly without bringing more attention to yourself. 
You heard someone catch the door after it almost closed behind you. “Hey,” they called out as they caught up to you. 
You turned to see the same girl again, and you had to suppress your instinct to run away. Instead, you just nodded at her, giving her your attention since that was obviously what she was asking for. 
“I, uh…” she started, her tone nervous. “What I said earlier, I wasn’t trying to say anything bad about you, I was just…” 
You gave a soft chuckle in response, shaking your head. “It’s alright. I get it.” You gave a little wave of dismissal. “I might’ve done the same if I was in your position.”
That seemed to ease her worries a bit. “Thanks for being cool about this.” She hugged the books she was carrying closer to her chest. She spoke a little softer. “Dr. Reid spoke very highly of you, you know. When we asked about his wedding ring.” She flinched a bit. “Which I guess was kind of a weird thing to ask…”
You smiled, shaking your head a bit. He had people asking about his wedding ring, and he didn’t even have a second thought about it. “It’s alright. He didn’t even think anything of it. He thought you were just really interested in the course material.”
She furrowed her brows. “Really?” She still looked confused when you nodded. “Huh. Well, I guess he really loves you if he doesn’t even notice people flirting with him.”
You shrugged. “No, he’s just a little clueless when it comes to this kind of thing. I had to really spell it out for him that I was interested in him when I asked him out on our first date.” You smiled warmly at the memory, reliving those early days of your relationship, so long ago now.
She let out a soft laugh. “That’s kinda funny, actually.” She stopped walking, looking like she had to start walking a different way. “So… no hard feelings?”
You turned towards her and shook your head. “No, not at all. Maybe try not to come onto him in the future, though.” You smiled slightly, your tone light and casual.
“Of course,” she laughed awkwardly. “Um. I have to go to class now, so…”
You nodded at her. “Go ahead. Hope you have a good day.”
She smiled. “You’re really cool. I see why he likes you. Most people would’ve been really angry if they were in this situation.”
“Well, I’m not insecure about our relationship.” You felt your phone buzz, and you took it out of your pocket to see a text from Spencer, making you smile. “And I don’t fault anyone for being attracted to him.”
“Cool,” she said, starting to step back a little more. “Um. It was nice meeting you.”
You gave her a little wave. “You too. Hope you enjoy the class; Spencer is really happy to be able to teach people, so I hope everyone is actually listening to him and not just staring at him.” 
She laughed lightly, her demeanor a little warmer now. “I’ll try to get the message out.” She waved and said goodbye before turning around and walking away. 
You finally looked at the text Spencer sent you: 
Hey, do you think you could pick up some dessert on your way home? I’m really craving something sweet. Maybe we could make brownies?
You smiled to yourself. Seeing all those people throwing themselves at Spencer really made you appreciate what you had with him. He had people gawking over him, but you were the one who got to go home with him and make dessert, and have all these sweet moments with him. You’d never get over just how lucky you were to be the one he chose to spend his life with. 
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shitpostingkats · 2 years ago
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An Asexual's love letter to Good Omens 2
There's an infamous quote by Neil Gaiman going around, regarding the general vibe of season 2, and many people (I believe humorously) yelling that it could not be further from the truth. Particularly in the last episode, where that happens.
I disagree.
The final episode of season 2 was deeply, deeply comforting to me. 
I am asexual. Have been my whole life. Even before I had the words to describe what that was, child-me had this feeling in their gut of being an outlier, that everyone was exaggerating, or in on some joke, that I wasn’t privy to. Because I was bombarded on all sides by shows and movies and books, telling the same story of love, again, and again, and AGAIN. It’s drilled into our brains with the same fervor as the days of the week, or the quadratic formula. Meet-cute -> misunderstanding ->declaration of feelings ->kiss. More or less steps can be added to account for runtime or complexity of narrative, but that’s the basic structure that a relationship follows. It MUST be, because that’s the formula every character who's ever been in a story goes through, often times when it even feels like an add-on, like it’s only there because this is a story, there HAS to be a romance. And it has to follow the steps.
For a long time, I felt love wasn’t for me, because if there’s only one way to be in love, I sure as hell wasn’t feeling it. 
Instead, the relationship I ended up in looked a lot like what Beezlebub and Gabriel go through. Meeting someone routinely until it starts to feel comfortable. Getting to know them and slowly growing more attached. Eating chips and listening to music.
We like to joke whenever someone asks us how long we’ve been together, because the answer is we just sort of slowly fell into it, and we honestly don’t know when the line got blurred between ‘friends’ and ‘partners’. And, at least for me, a good deal of that confusion, that hesitancy to label, came from the fact that what I was feeling, what we were, couldn’t be love. It couldn’t be romantic. 
We were just quiet and gentle.
And that wasn’t love.
Because it was slow, because it wasn’t physical, because there was no structure aside from consistency and companionship. Because it didn’t follow the Rules.
Then I found myself in stories, and it felt like a revelation.
Beelzebub and Gabriel aren’t the first time I’ve seen a love like I feel represented in a narrative, but it never stops feeling special. And I don’t know if I’ll ever stop celebrating it.
Throughout the sequence in the pub, I kept expecting them to “confirm” Gabriel and Beelzebub. A dramatic line, a kiss, a whatever. That’s what I’ve been taught to expect, after all, that’s the only way a relationship is “real”. Of course, this doesn't mean Crowley and Aziraphale sharing a dramatic kiss is wrong, or that I can’t see why it resonated with so many people, but for me. Those moments in the pub are worth so much more.The last scene might have been literally showstopping, but those handful of moments between the duke of hell and an archangel were the beating heart of the season for me. A simple love story in four scenes. No kisses. No ‘I love you’s. Not even any definition of what. The love Gabriel and Beelzebub have is strong enough for them to both want to shatter their worlds and flee their lives and it's just. 
It's just that. 
Two people in a pub, playing the other's favorite song, giving a little gift, buying a packet of crisps. 
That sequence means far more to me than any kiss ever could.
Love isn’t only real when it's hot and sudden and ephemeral, it can also be
Quiet.
And gentle.
And still romantic.
Still real.
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myrruwrites · 1 month ago
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Streamer!Jinx headcanons.
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Just some basic ideas and drabbles pooled into one post. I see a lot of streamer!ellie and streamer!vi, but barely any jinx if any at all. I don’t know, I just think she’d be the funniest streamer ever.
CW: Cursing? bits of Jinx x f!reader. jokes about jinx being cancelled, homophobia mentions.
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Streamer!Jinx who got surprised when she blew up pretty fast. For the wrong reasons, Ofcourse (controversy, because she can’t keep her mouth shut), but once it smoothed over she gained a lot of following from it.
She has no filter. None. The second something pops into her head, she says it aloud. She deals with the consequences afterwards.
Her room is either really messy, or oddly tidy. On that note, Streamer!Jinx that decorated her whole setup and desk, plus her headphones. They’re all covered in scribbles and spraypaint.
Streamer!Jinx that sometimes manages to convince you to play on stream with her, addressing you as a close friend to keep you both comfortable and safe online.
She constantly says “chat” and “gang”, even when she’s not streaming. Vi and Ekko pick up on it and comment on it frequently, using it to tease her.
Rages at Minecraft. 100%. She joined MCC, just to ragequit half way through because her team was in dead last. Her chat watched her leave the server and walk out of her room on the webcam. She had to take a whole 15 minuet break and come back with a cup of coffee to calm down.
She would start a Minecraft hardcore series just to hide in a hole as soon as it turns night, before logging off and never returning.
"Guys this is my first episode of... MINECRAFT HARDCORE!
...
Chat this seems to be my first AND last episode."
Jinx who accidentally revealed your relationship on live. She slipped up and called you "darling" or "babe", and her chat never dropped it.
"BABE?!"
"Holy shit did she just call her babe?"
"Ladies, we have a chance!"
"DID WE HEAR THAT RIGHT"
She tried to change the topic, "We’re going to win this round!", to say she lost, and her chat didn’t drop the topic, would be an understatement.
She got cancelled for homophobia once, because she went on a 'just chill and talk' live about how she didn’t approve of Caitlyn and Vi being together. It got taken the wrong way and had to explain that she’s infact Queer with a girlfriend. She defended herself with "Guys, I’m literally dating.." after she revealed your relationship, and then went on a rant sesh about you. She’s the biggest yapper ever.
Her twitch account got banned or suspended once because she got so mad at a kid on Fortnite that she cursed him out and went overboard. (Again, she has no filter).
She mainly plays Minecraft and gun games. But sometimes she’ll do longer lives for charity where she’ll play the chat’s top pick.
She accidentally showed your face on stream once, forgetting to tell you her webcam was on. You didn’t realise until later that day there were edits of you on your own fyp or twitter TL. "Babe, you might wanna see this.."
Jinx still gets confused whenever she sees an edit of herself. Also, she has a public favourite folder of edits of you. She doesn’t know how to edit it to make it private.
Once you got comfortable showing your face on webcam, Jinx hosted a “do my hair and Q&A” stream where you braided and brushed her hair while you both answered questions. Any excuse to spend time with you at the same time as working.
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Notes: first time ever writing jinx, so I thought I’d start with headcanons. Do we want a streamer!jinx fic? Like an actual fic? Pls give me ideas on what to write abt her
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anime-owo-kage-san · 2 months ago
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Trying to translate everything Ragatha said while she was high:
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“She’d rather be with the NPC than with us, or something.”
Tranlation: “I’ve been nothing but nice to her, and even forgave her for abandoning me, and she goes and shows compassion to someone who isn’t even a real person.”
….. ….. …..
“Why are you even the boss, anyway? I feel like I’m way more responsible than you.”
Translation: “I’ve tried to be positive for everybody, and make sure they’re comfortable. And yet Caine saw leader material in you? I should’ve been in charge for all I’ve done.”
….. ….. …..
“I like… hate you. But I don’t want you to hate me. Is that weird?”
Translation: “Is it wrong that even though, I’ve acknowledge you’re a horrible person…. I want you to see me as a good person? To feel like I’m the better person….?”
….. ….. …..
My impression of Ragatha so far (past episodes included):
- She’s used to talking to people in a way were they’re like kids, because she normally uses her charm and positivity in people younger than her. They normally work, and she’s used to being acknowledged by others with her sweet personality.
But in the circus everyone is a grown adult (even if some of them are a little immature—ahem—Jax). And with most of them accepting that there’s no hope in that world, Ragatha’s peppy spirit has no effect on them. But she’s too used to being successful in getting through someone with her personality, so she kept the act up until it’s mostly an ‘act’ now.
Without realizing it, her attitude has become toxic positivity. It doesn’t work on anyone, but it is affecting her. Pomni thanking her in episode 3 was probably the first time in a while someone showed appreciation to her caring nature. Seeing Pomni go to Gummigoo just reminded her that she only acknowledged her once, and had shown more empathy to someone who won’t even remember her by the next adventure (Gummigoo’s expression says otherwise, but I’m talking in Ragatha’s pov).
Her saying “I wish someone would flirt with me…” was more of her wanting to be recognized for who she is. That one ‘thank you’ she got from Pomni was appreciated, but wasn’t enough for her. (This is talking outside of shipping ofc. We’re still free to use this for shipping purposes hehehe)
Additionally, as soon as Caine gave them an adventure where someone needs to take charge. Like a BOSS. Ragatha felt some sort of jealousy that she wasn’t chosen for the responsibility.
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shuichi-sama · 11 months ago
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scoring a date
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volleyball captain! sunghoon! x manager! reader!
description: if someone had told you that after becoming your high school's volleyball team manager, you would capture the attention of it’s captain, park sunghoon, you wouldn’t have believe them. but as he charm’s his way to your heart, you just might.
or in which, sunghoon attempts to woo-you, seem to be working in his favor.
warnings: fluff! overuse of the word cute! (i swear i wrote it like 6 times)
note: inspired after watching en o’clock episode 87! i couldn’t help but picture all of them as a volleyball team!!!! LOWER CASE INTENDED!!!
___________
honestly? if someone had told you, that you would have volleyball captain, park sunghoon wrapped around your finger you would laugh at their face and certainly not the cute and giggly kind.
but as you watch him come up to you for like the nth time today, similar to every other day, you would be the fool not to believe them at that point.
“hi, y/n.” he says a smile gracing his face.
“sunghoon, you do know this like the fifth time you’ve come up to me during practice just to say hi right? and that’s not counting the four other hand waves you’ve given me.”
sunghoon, cheeks burns pink, it was a force of habit at this point. no matter how much he tried to avoid you, not like he wanted to anyways, if it wasn’t his eyes, the boy would physically gravitate towards you every single time without even noticing.
“well, i have an excuse this time. i actually came up here to ask you something.” If the blushing of his cheeks weren’t a quick give away of his nervousness, the cute tremor in his voice surely was.
“oh, what is it then?” without looking up from your clipboard, sunghoon take it as an opportunity to ask you what’s he’s been dying to ask you for a couple of weeks now, if you looked him in the eye at that moment he wasn’t so sure he would be able to go through with it, no matter how confident he was.
“go on a date with me.”
what? you were not death so you were sure you heard him correctly, but still.
“uh, you want me to go on a date with you? but why?”
confusion and hurt etches on his face at your question, as you prance on realizing just how bad your words had sounded. “i mean, why me?” the tilt of his head encourages you to elaborate.
“i’m socially awkward, i don’t really get along well with people outside of my friend group, i have a bad attitude, and there is a line of pretty girls who would kill to go on a date with you.”
sunghoon finds your rambling rather cute, it’s not like he didn’t know any of this information already. the both of you coming from very different social status at school, while sunghoon was very social, popular and very much liked at school, girls lining up just to get a glimpse of him throughout the halls, you were quite opposite of him.
you were a loner aside from your two reoccurring friends he would see you at lunch with. you weren’t not like at school but nobody really knew who you were, always keeping to yourself. as for your bad monotonous attitude? he thought it was cute, knowing full well it was only because you weren’t the best at expressing yourself, always giving everybody the wrong impression or idea, which may have lead to some very offended students.
sunghoon likes you just the way you are, so it irks him just a bit to listen to you list all these, qualities you deem flaws, but he wouldn’t tell you that at least not yet, he rather tease you first. “well, i think you would be the prettiest girl in that line.”
even if it wasn’t the first time for sunghoon to call you “pretty,” or even “cute,” you could just never get used to it, he simply has a way of making you dig the sole of your right shoe into the glossy wooden floor of the gymnasium bashfully.
“i-i never said i was in that line.” sunghoon eyebrows quirk at that.
“i would like you to be though.” even as his confidence seems to deter, he presses on, wanting a proper answer from you, hopeful it was one that invoked a late night date, that ends with a stroll at the nearest park while eating ice cream, possibly holding your hand if you allow him to.
“is that a no to the date?” his question, has your down cast eyes shoot up suddenly just for them to look away just as quickly. sunghoon can’t seem to take his eyes off of you making you want to turn into a putty right in front of him.
“o-oh, i never said that either.” every time sunghoon ever held a conversation with you, it always seemed like a push and pull feeling. it left him confused many times but a part of him knew that’s just how you are, and honestly? he found it cute, you were cute, so he would willingly pull you as much as he could and would take as many pushes as you want to give.
“so, is that a yes then?” he grins at your lack of eye contact, cute.
“uh-maybe.” he chuckles at your response, it being so you. as much as he wants to press on for a definite answer, he doesn’t know the full extent of your limit. no matter just how much he would love to tease you to find out he doesn’t, as you pull a strand behind your hair, the red tips of your ear giving away your embarrassment.
he chuckles, reaching for the top of your head, before he could ruffle it into a mess, you flinch not used to the physical contact of a guy.
“oh, i’m sorry. i got a head of myself, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” sunghoon retracts his hand to his side. distress with the idea of making you uncomfortable unintentionally, he only wishes he could kick himself for his bad habit of not keeping his cool whenever you were around.
raising your clipboard to cover your tainted cheek, you shake your head, to make him understand he misunderstood your actions. the frown forming on his face, has you clearing your throat, and pulling down the clipboard to speak much more clearer than you have been doing this whole time.
“no, it’s not that-i guess you you can say-that perhaps you just make me just a bit nervous in a good way is all.”
sunghoon’s frown ebbs away, only to switch to a look of widen eyes, and disbelieve at your clear confession. “oh.”
“why are you smiling at me like that?” you ask his looked of disbelieve turns to another of happiness, as if he had hit the jackpot, and in his world he did.
“cause you just told me i make you nervous.” well not that he didn’t know, if he wasn’t so sure he would have thought you were either nervous all the time, or simply emotionless, but you confirming that his presence made you nervous in a “good way” as you said, he was first pumping the air in his head.
“is it that shocking?” you asked out loud, more to yourself really.
he didn’t respond to your question either way. opting out to make a deal with you instead, evident that this conversation would see no end. no matter that he just wants to talk to you for the remainder of the hour, he couldn’t. if coach catches him slacking, sunghoon would be running endless lap around the the school til he saw fit, especially as team captain.
“how about we make a deal? if my team wins the mock game by 5 points difference, you’ll let me take you on a date.”
you didn’t have to consider much, but you firmly believe in his capability to score more as team manager. “if you score a difference of 10 i’ll go on a date with you.”
“you must really not want to go on a date with me, uh?” he jokingly asks.
“no, i just have faith in your abilities to beat them with a 10 point difference.”
“okay, a 10 point difference, and i also get to hold your hand after practice, it’s only fair if we both add something, no?”
sure it was fair, but now you were blushing again. “okay, deal.”
“perfect,” just before he could turns to go back to his team, he speaks again, “just so you know, i’m not going easy on them.”
“well, as team manager i would be upset if you did.”
with a beaming smile he directs at you, he reaches over your head once again unconsciously, still out of bad habit thought this time you don’t flinch away as he ruffles your hair.
you were unsure who was more nervous leaving the gymnasium, but as you walk hand in hand with sunghoon, he blames practice for his sweaty palms even after he had taken his shower. Though truthfully, he thinks it might just be too early to tell you just how nervous you make him feel, he still has to take you on a date first!
SCOREBOARD: 30/15
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gtgbabie0 · 7 months ago
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-Cregan Stark x Dreamer!Reader
{The war has brought many casualties, those that you’ve already seen begin to unfold before you}
I’ve received many requests for another part so here it is, sorry for the long wait. Enjoy my lovelies!! 💕
//!CW!// spoilers for Rhaenyra’s death//
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The sound of men and clanging metal intermingled throughout the camp, overwhelming your senses. It was a sound Cregan promised would soon become a distant noise. He was wrong.
You sit on the bed, palms pressing against your ears with a deep frown. You hated it here, hated the cold and the men and the noise and the way they all looked at you with a strange look in their eyes as if you were some kind of creature from beyond the wall that their nursemaids used to scare them with.
You missed Winterfell, the warm castle and the glass garden that you spent hours in, admiring the winter roses. It had quickly become your home and you were sick with the desire to go back, but Cregan wanted you here he needed you here.
You just wanted to escape from your mind, the murmurs and whispers. The way it screams at you to make the blasted noise all stop.
“Apologies, there was some trouble with the-” his words fall short as he spots you, wrapped up in furs, hunched over and covering your ears as if you were in pain. The sight was an immediate punch to the gut.
He felt awful in truth, he should’ve left you home in warmth where you could be comfortable, but the daunting thought of you going through another episode whilst he was gone, far away from you… it was enough to make his stomach turn with unease.
“Y/n?…” he calls your name softly, sitting down beside you with a small frown. His index finger and thumb cup your chin to tilt your head, making you look up at him.
“I want to go back home.” You tell him, your voice trembling with sadness and from the cold air that was clearly getting to you.
He nods in understanding, working his fingers around your wrists to bring your hands away from your ears and down into his lap. Gods, you weren’t making him feel any better.
“I know my girl, just hang in there.” He whispers the same thing he has told before. His voice was hoarse with exhaustion but loving all the same. His thumb caresses over your knuckles, trying to soothe away your troubles and bring you warmth.
However, his gentleness does very little to quell the sudden pang of frustration that hits your chest.
“It’s cold and noisy and I’m sick of being looked at like some sort of monster!… you’ve dragged me out here for your own sake without a single care about me!” The words come out too quick and too harsh. Regret immediately fills your heart.
He stops for a moment, looking a little taken aback by your sudden anger. his expression softens as he squeezes your hand. “You know that’s not true.” He tells you firmly, his hands still holding your own tightly. He was worried for you, deeply, it showed in smaller ways but it was still fiercely there. “You’re here for your own good… I’m sorry.”
He can tell you are miserable, the way your lips purse together in a pout and how your eyes seem to droop. such an expression didn’t suit you. Silence settles between the pair of you, his thumb rubbing across your soft palm.
“Forgive me for shouting, I do not mean to.” The words leave your lips in a soft whisper, defeat weighing heavily against your shoulders as you slouch.
“Don’t be silly, I’ve dealt with unruly men with tempers far worse than yours for weeks now” He sighs, giving you a small smirk which you return weakly.
“I could be worse if you’d like.” You tease lightly, trying to make light of the situation you are currently stuck in.
“No, you’re alright.” He deadpans, trying to fight the smile that tugs at the corners of his lips as he brings your hand to his mouth, pressing a kiss against your knuckles. “You’ve already got the dragon's temper.” His words are muffled against the back of your hand and for a moment you feel the warmth that you craved.
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The following days were slow, not much happened and the Ravens seemed to be few and far between. You were nowhere near Kings Landing, the snow on the floor could attest to that.
You found peace within your tent- away from prying eyes who judged you without even knowing you- curled up in the furs enjoying how the air carried a twinge of the warmth dragged from the bonfire that was in the centre of the camp. Soon enough sleep would capture you, allowing you a small moment of respite.
Cregan had left you not too long ago, whispering a promise of returning as soon as possible whilst pressing gentle kisses against your forehead in an attempt to coax you to sleep. The sun had set since then, and the camp was now much calmer than it had been as of late, it seems as though the men were getting restless.
Sleep had always been a false sense of security for you, ever since you could remember. Rhaenyra, your mother, had tried every remedy known to the Maester on Dragonstone, she had even resorted to sending ravens to the Citadel but to no avail.
With the history books telling her little to nothing and the Maesters all at a loss she felt as if she had failed you, but then again most dreamers in your lineage were failed. Doomed from the moment they first drew breath.
You were clearly no exception, and your dreamless sleep soon turned violent. The cries, hot dragon fire, a woman burning, the smell of charred flesh. you had seen this one before but not like this, not so real as if you were witnessing it first hand.
It plays on repeat and you can’t seem to wake or move for that matter, paralysed to do nothing but watch. Then you see her, your mother, her purple eyes meet your own as she stands before a golden Dragon. She does not flinch or cry out for the Gods but merely braces herself for the inevitable.
The sight of her burning body sends a searing heat through your spine almost as if you had taken her place. Suddenly you’re jolting upright, screaming until your lungs feel like they might just collapse and kicking the furs off of your body.
“No! no… no, no.” You mumble to yourself, standing up on unsteady feet as you stumble out of the tent and into the freezing cold air. The chill gives you relief then everything goes numb, and the world around you doesn’t feel stable enough like some kind of weary dream.
Smoke was the only thing you could smell, so strong that it chokes you up as you continue to rush through the camp. Muttering about fire and dragons to yourself, completely crazed in the eyes of the men around you.
“Lady Stark?!” The sound of worried voices filters through the ringing in your ears. It’s too much.
Cregan had long abandoned the meeting in one of the tents as soon as your scream echoed through the camp, shouting demands to the men around him whilst rushing to try and get you in a desperate attempt.
Strong hands grasping your elbows causes you to stop in your tracks, it was Cregan, you were safe. You stare up at him all teary-eyed and shallow breaths. Your own hands tremble as you hold his forearms tightly.
“She’s burning… breathing dragon, burning flesh, she's burning.” You tell him frantically, your fingers digging into the leather on his arms. “She’s burning.” The words all come out in harsh gasps.
“Seven hells… you’re going to freeze.” He rasps, taking off his fur cloak to drape it over your shoulders, pulling it around your body to protect you from the chill in the air.
You continue to hold onto him for dear life, muttering a series of “No… no… please no.” Against his chest as he holds you close to him tightly, his hand cradling the back of your head.
“Go on, off with you all!… you’ve got better things to be doing.” He shouts, watching the men disappear back into their own tents, busying themselves with a few odd tasks.
He guides your tense body back over to the warmth of your shared tent, sitting you down on the bed as you continue to murmur incoherent words of protest. Cregan brushes his fingers through your hair, trying to pull you out of his dazed state.
“She’s going to die… she's dying, I don’t want her to die.” You panic, hands grasping his own with a worried look, brows pulled together.
“Who, who will die?” He asks softly, the rough pad of his thumb gently rubs over your knuckles, soothing the tremble in your hands.
“My mother… it was so clear, please, we have to warn her.” The words are a struggle to get out, trying to fight the way your throat closes up.
He watches the helplessness in your eyes intensify, how your fingers tighten around his hands in desperation. There was little either of you could do so far away, your dragon had died a whelp and the ravens would never make it to Kings Landing in time. All he can do is pull you against his chest, wrapping his arms around you.
“I’m sorry, my sweet, I’m sorry…” he murmurs against your hairline, holding you as you cry against his shoulder.
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You never lost hope, for the following days. You waited on bated breath for further news, constantly looking up at the sky for any Ravens… Dragons… anything that would be a sign she was still alive. Nothing had come until the early hours of the next morning.
Two scrolls with the wax seal of House Targaryen. Two deaths that would officially end the ongoing conflict.
“Y/n?…” Cregan calls your name softly, watching you intently as the letters fall from between your fingers and onto the floor.
You shake your head in disbelief, eyes fixed on the ground beneath you. You did not cry, you couldn’t and it destroyed Cregan. He’d rather your tears than this distant look of despair that glazes across your eyes. His hand rests against your own, fingers caressing your palm gently.
“The stranger looms behind me, whispering the fates of my loved ones into my ears and all I can do is stand by and watch… I am useless.” Your whisper, voice so hushed and broken.
Cregan doesn’t know what to say, he’s at a loss and he fears any words that dare leave his lips will just end up coming out as a sob. Instead, he pulls on your hand until you’re collapsing against him, head tucked under his chin.
“Don’t blame yourself… she wouldn’t want that.” He whisper, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as your arms wrap around him, clinging to him like he was your lifeline.
He spoke the truth, he’d already heard plenty about your mother from both you and Jacaerys enough to know that her love for you was beyond what words could ever describe.
Maybe it was the exhaustion… the cold… or the grief that broke the dam in your eyes, making you cry out in choked sobs against his chest as his fingers brush through your hair soothingly.
“I want to go home Cregan…” you beg him through tears, going limp against his sturdy form.
“I’ll get you home sweet girl… I will.” He promises, not daring to let you go just in case you completely crumble before him. He would keep his oath he made to your mother, to protect you even from your own mind. Cregan would soon take you home but not before you witness your youngest brothers crowning.
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