#don’t get mad i only post mlm couple stuff

[mw567152]

hi i’m back with another poll

[lifeisbetterinmydreams]

yesss and that’s all so valid, genuinely like the ships you like especially if you feel more connected to them; this post isn’t about ppl like you

it’s about the people that will overlook women in media in favor of (queer coded) male relationships. this example is standing out to me in particular because there’s such minimal mainstream media with wlw relationships and arcane has some great queer representation across the board but especially for queer women.

my main problem tho is the way ppl are saying stuff like “was the lesbian sex scene or the forehead touch between two (platonic) men more gay”. or when they blantenly mischaracterize jayce and victor so they can better fit into their perception of their little gay ship. (and im not hating on the ppl doing this, most of the time it’ll probably be younger people just getting introduced to fandom and queer relationships in media, to me it’s more about learning and teaching rather than getting mad at these ppl) they are putting more value on mlm relationships over wlw, and all of your reasons for liking this ship are valid, but when it genuinely just depends on if the ppl in the ship are men or not is where my problem is. even if ppl don’t realize it they’re doing it.

i know it’s controversial rn but it’s also worth pointing out that linke (one of the co creators) recently said in an interview that he finds it strange that the only way two men can be close in media is to be a couple. while some of the stuff he continued to say has stirred some controversy, his point still stands. and i’m not discrediting the ship at all cause it’s in the fandoms hands now that it’s released and there’s nothing they can do about that, i’m just saying that he has a point when it comes to close male friendships only been seen as queer and there not being any fandom rep of close hetero men without someone coming in and saying “no they’re gay”. this in general can cause a whole thing with masculinity and close friendships but that’s a discussion for another day.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1979912122513108&id=236085910229080 (link to where i found what he said)

anyway i hope this made some semblance of sense, im tired and just got off a long shift but i hope this cleared some stuff up 🫶

i love jayce and victor as much as the next person, jayce is one of my favorite characters but yall-

why are we infantilizing over a gay ship that isn’t even necessarily canon when we literally have some of the best lesbian representation in the same show and a great ship that is cannon like please i beg

[ultimate-marysue]

So, about Bi Caleb

Warning: very long post, discussing bi representation and biphobia.

*Sorry for spelling errors, English ain’t my firts language.

I can’t believe I have to tell you guys, but anyways: Caleb is bi whether he ends with a male character, a female character on a non binary character. That’s what bi people do, you know? they experience atraction for all genders. Saying that a bi character that ends with someone of the opposite gender is straight and queerbaiting is incredibly biphobic.

Yes, Vax was bisexual. Yes, he ended up with Kiki. Get fucking over it.

Now, I can understand why LGBT+ fans may feel disappointed when they tease a “gay couple” but the “straigth” couple ends up being endgame. Notice the quotation marks because there’s not such thing as a straight or gay couple for a bi person. They are bisexual in both situations, but I can see where the problem comes from. I’ve been queerbaited to hell and back by a lot of shows and it really hurts. It feels like they are laughting at you for caring. But I want those fans (whose feelings are totally valid, don’t get me wrong) to consider a few things when it comes to Critical Role, the first one being: it’s a D&D game.

Let me explain, because I know a lot of CR fans haven’t experienced what D&D is like in real life (and that’s absolutely valid, you don’t need to play D&D to enjoy CR). This is an improvisation game, not an scripted TV show. In a Tv show you can plan ahead of time what ship is going to be endgame, what themes are gonna come up for each character and it’s easier to deeply explore sexuality and gender as different planned arcs. In D&D you character’s sexuality may or may not come up depending on how you play it. Take for instance how other CR character’s have stated their sexuality:

Beau: overtly. Very *In your face* kind of lesbian. Marisha said “fuck it, I really just want to romance girls and be bad ass”

Yasha: openly, but not as in your face. Ashley Jhonson wanted to drink from that WLW cup while also being a shy disaster. Seafood market is her favored terrain.

Caduceus: Our Ace king has never hidden his sexuality, and yet he didn’t mention anything about it until chapter 114. He didn’t had the need to either hide it or state it. He was simply vibing.

I think Liam is going that route with Caleb. He’s flustered by Essek and Edwulf (Come on you guys, he always asks Matthew if he’s still hot). He also had/has a thing for Astrid and a think he might have feels for our favorite Tiefling gal. I know we are all too used to characters being teased as gay/bi only to have execs pull a “haha jk they be straight”. But this is not Sherlock or Supernatural. This is a show that not only has queer rep, but also supports queer organizations and creators. Hell, I’m sure some of the cast members are LGBT (but I’m not here to speculate on real people’s sexuality). If Caleb shows attraction to men he is not just queerbaiting, doing it for fanservicing or tricking the fans in any way shape or form: he’s just portraying a bi character. The thing is, since this is not a TV show, he is not doing it por woke points or to send a message. He’s doing it because he wants to play a bi wizard with depression.

So maybe there will be a point in which he can explores his sexuality more deeply, but remember he is playing a game. And his character is one that has a lot of trouble opening up to his feelings. Caleb is not someone that makes sexual jokes or flirty remarks. He is shy, awkward and has developed a really fucked up sense of love that he is now slowly fixing. Hell, in the same Talks episode Liam explained that Caleb was trained on Honey-pot tactics. Which, for those of you who can’t stand Bond films, means seducing your enemy/target to get information, manipulate them or assassinate them. WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP THING! Let’s remember how he was the one to push Fjord to sleep with Advantica so they could spy on her. That boy has Issues when it comes to relationships. So if we don’t see him being as overtly gay as Beau, Molly or Yasha, well maybe it’s because that’s the way Caleb is. Bi people don’t owe you flamboyance, or dating both guys and gals for your approval. I wouldn’t make a post if it was only that, because I do feel the people who are aching for good bi rep and would love some more explicit confirmation. But Vax exists, so I know we can’t have good things down here.

VAX EXPLICITELY SHOWED ATTRACTION TO GILMORE. AS EXPLICIT AS IT GETS. HE FUCKING KISSED HIM. THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DATING. AND YET SOME OF YOU FUCKERS CALL HIM QUEERBAITING. AND I SAY: NOT ON MY WATCH! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!!

How come a character can have canonically kissed another character in a romantic/sensual context and still be called straight? I know fucking Sherlock traumaticed y’all into having trust issues but believe me when I tell you: I’ts not that deep. This is not a��“Haha I love u but in a no homo way bro”. It’s a “full homo darling, but also we’re gonna break up because I like someone else”. This is the opposite of queerbaiting. Instead of keeping a charade he was honest with Gilmore because he valued his feelings and realized that he couldn’t reciprocate them at that moment. And if you try to tell me that Vaxleth was forced and didn’t have a reason to exist except queerbaiting, let me tell you: you are wrong.

Vax saw Gilmore once or twice monthly while he spent a heck ton of time with Kiki. Sure, they didn’t had the kind of camera chemistry Gilmore and Vax had because Keyleth is not charismatic. She’s really awkward, and her relationship with Vax was more on the adorable and dorky side of things. I bring this up because I’m predicting something similar may happen to Shadowgast.

Trust me, I ship the hot wizards as much as any other critter (even though I’m a multishipper). But they haven’t talked to Essek in centuries. I think it may have been almost a month in rol and quite a few outside. And you have to take into account out-rol time to because they are humans (except Tal) playing a game and they forget about stuff (except Marisha and Matt). So Shadowgast may not happen because sure, they had really good chemistry for a month a month ago. People have crushes that die down over time All The Time. So maybe don’t be so butthurt about your ship not being canon that you accuse an ally of homophobia. 

The cast of CR put forward such an amazing representation for the LGBT+ community and it really hurts me that you gets stuck on the one thing that isn’t canon. Matt has created a world in which coming out is not necessary because no one assumes your sexuality. A world in which people respect pronouns and orientations (except Tary’s father, who is a villain). A world in which Cad or Caleb don’t need to explicitly say “I’m ace/bi” unless it comes up in conversation. A world in which his friends can be whatever they want to be without pressure or reprecusions. A world in which they get to explore different gender identities and sexual orientations with full freedom. Let’s not interfere with that (unless there’s missrepresentation), and let them play their game. If you really need mlm or wlw canon couples or more outwardly LGBT+ people you have plenty examples among NPCs and other cast members (Allura and kima, Yasha, Beau, Dairon, Keg, Reani, Tary, Molly and Vax among others).

There’s way worst shows taking LGBT+ cred for barely doing nothing. Fucking Supernatural is the most recent example! Critical Role works towards showing an honest portrayal of LGBT+ folk and accepts valid criticism from their fans on the subject (when they changed J’Mon Sa Ord pronouns from it to they/them). They don’t owe you making your ship canon or portraying their characters the way you want them to (again, unless when it’s constructive criticism). Stop being so Fucking entitled and enjoy the show for what it is

,Respectfully~

*Edit: I´m tagging Caleb’s ships into the post because most hate comes from shipping wars. Most Shadowgast fans are respectful of the cast’s decisions, even if it disappoints them. But since I’ve already seen people accusing Liam of biphobia in that tag and since I’ve already seen this shit with Vaxmore I’m tagging the ship. If you want to read my long ass post do it, if not, ignore it. I’m not forcing you to read it. I’ve also tagged it with biphobia so people can avoid it if it’s triggering. I’m sorry if it makes you mad that your ship is not canon, but that’s not an excuse to be toxic to the cast. Those of you getting mad are the ones that need to read this the most. Like I’ve said in the post: you’re allowed to be disappointed, you are allowed to want more, but you can’t force the cast to give you exactly what you want. And most certainly, you can’t accuse them of  some very serious stuff like biphobia and queerbaiting when it’s not the case..  

[a-flickering-soul]

do kylux for the ask meme 😳 you + me = mental illness

i love you so much for sending this in this truly is the mortifying ordeal of being known

putting this under a readmore because it is LITCHERALLY 1.2k words because i am literally clawing at the walls of my enclosure about these two

ANYWAYS go ahead and send me a character and i’ll give you some headcanons bc im having fun doing these!!!

Kylo Ren

Sexuality Headcanon: ambiguously queer. Don’t make me think about him having sex he makes me so angry

Gender Headcanon: he Must be a cis man. He has so much mommy issues. He is such an incel. He is so full of toxic masculinity. He must be a cis man.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux. Every single angle you take this ship from it’s funny and good. Canon—they hate each other and want each other dead. AU—they still hate each other but they’re (probably) less fascist and genocidal. It’s just so funny. They are so obsessed with each other. They gaslight each other into love confessions. It’s unreal. I’ve been thinking about Kylux for the past month and I feel like an entire geological age has passed. You can tell I’m a Kylux shipper and a R*ylo anti because I almost exclusively refer to him as Ren instead of Kylo. The gay angel went to superhell for Kylux to go canon in Lego Star Wars (twice) and a kids’ comic book. God mocks me to my face.

A BROTP I have with said character: This got literally shot to shit but post-TFA when a bunch of people headcanoned Rey as Luke’s kid and she and Ren were cousins and he reluctantly babysat her because he was literally ten years older than her (hhhhh.) and they had this weird mildly-contentious relationship as adults where they grudgingly acknowledge they are both the most powerful Force users in the galaxy and are the only ones who mutually understand the legacy they bear and care about each other but also cannot be in the same room together and hold a civil conversation for more than five minutes before resorting to uncomfortable silence. Like when you’re at a family reunion and you’re automatically shunted with the only other kid around your age so you have to make conversation but you are just so fundamentally different there’s nothing to talk about. Unreal.

A NOTP I have with said character: Hhh. R*ylo. I’m one of those evil lesbians who hate that ship viciously and one of my dreams is to be one of the mean antis that that bully a shipper in a story that’s clearly exaggerated or made up and then get cancelled for having good taste.

A random headcanon:  I think he and Phasma used to spar a lot. I keep thinking about the five years he spent on the Finalizer pre-canon and I can’t reasonably justify the Knights of Ren hanging out with him for the entire time on a literal military ship and I like the idea of them being the only people that are reasonably on par physically (I also like how Phasma is an inch taller than him because....whew).

General Opinion over said character: God. He drives me wild. I have a lot of thoughts about him and how good he was in TFA and the pre-canon comics/novels as a really fucking good example of a morally-conflicted villain (especially the comics where it made it really clear that he was very much manipulated and gaslit since like…ten years old). Like! The way he could flip at will from drawing strength from both the light AND dark side of the Force is just!! So cool! The way his strength literally derives from moral conflict is just really interesting to me but….idk the way post-TFA he was thrown into a redemption (Rendemption) arc that hinged on Rey being a literal genuine fascist sympathizer made me just really disappointed. He had a lot of amazing potential to be either a really interesting semi-redeemed Byronic antihero OR a full on unhinged animalistic power-mad villain that Rey has to mercy-kill like a rabid dog. And then. Well. Yeah. I like him a lot in very specific contexts and flat out hate him in most others.

 Armitage Hux

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! He is gay! I have an entire list of reasons why he’s gay and it grows daily! Without a doubt a homosexual! Gay and repressed!

Gender Headcanon: Also a cis guy even though I still do have a lot of half-formed thoughts about gender in the First Order/post-collapse of the Empire society.

A ship I have with said character: Kylux! Again! I’m obsessed with how obsessed Hux is with Ren. He hates him so much it’s unreal. I keep reading the novelizations and thinking so fucking hard about how consumed Hux is with hatred for this one man. He’s so repressed. He’s so damaged. It’s unreal. The brainworms in my head have metamorphosed into moths and they’re flapping their wings so hard they’re disintegrating my grey matter. I think near-daily about how he personally went down to retrieve Ren from the collapse of Starkiller Base and yet would not touch him to drag him to shelter in the Hux graphic novel. Would you take off your glove to check his pulse or would you attempt to feel it through the leather and touch something’s dead skin rather than his living warmth. I’m so deeply unwell.

A BROTP I have with said character: Him and Phasma!!! The way they are on first-name terms with each other….the way one of the few times in the graphic novels you see him smile is when Phasma comes back onto the base…..the way they plotted to kill Brendol together….truly evil mlm/wlw solidarity you simply love to see it

A NOTP I have with said character: Oof I see a lil bit of shipping him with Resistance members (I think I’ve seen him with Rose and also Poe??) and I know TROS made the decision to have him defect from the First Order (out of. again. his obsessive hatred with another man. writing choices.) but it makes me INSANELY uncomfortable seeing people of color being shipped with a literal fascist parody of British colonialism and imperialism lmao like….just ship Kylux bro they’re mutually bad people AND a power couple

A random headcanon: Frankly at this point I joke so much about how much like a sick Victorian orphan he looks like that I could write an entire fake medical file for him but I’ll spare you all and simply say that I am incredibly partial to the headcanon that Hux is a freak that bites string cheese instead of peeling it like a normal person. Also…the implications that he Personally placed the tracker in Ren’s belt rather than someone else, so that he alone could keep tabs on him…..I’m unwell. Enough.

General Opinion over said character: If Ren is a character I love to hate, Hux is a character I hate that I love. I just. I can’t stop thinking about this gay little war criminal. It truly, genuinely baffles the mind how much information there is about him. It triggers that same little part of my brain that goes wild over like. ARGs and stuff. There’s just so much lore. With every new piece of canon or semi-canon information I learn about him I can feel my grip on sanity slipping. He owns a black robe. He has a personal hitman in the First Order ranks to poison people he doesn’t like. He drinks tea. He’s a bastard son. He’s great with kids. He was in charge of a squad of feral orphan child soldiers at five years old. I just. I just don’t get it. I’m enamored with him. His compulsive attention to grooming. His hubris. His ambition. How literally unhinged he is (the “rabid cur” line genuinely lives in my head rent free). The way he systemically killed every single person who saw him weak and abused as a child. There’s just so much to talk about with him. He’s so evil. He’s so fucked up. I love him so deeply. He is such a horrible person and he is so fun to make fun of and he is so fun to think about. God wants there to be a bullet in my head so badly.

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Catradora are both tops and Catra is a dom, change my mind

(Actually, don’t change my mind. I’m not writing this to cause drama, I’m writing this because Catradora sexual discourse is frustrating me and I want basically a masterpost to link back to whenever I need to explain my apparently controversial views on this shit. Hopefully some other people will also find that it speaks to/for them and be able to use it for the same purpose. Please don’t troll me, I’m but a simple girl who needs to be understood. I am, however, totally open to respectful debate. :)

Okay, I’d like to take some time here to follow up on my previous posts about how Catra and Adora are both vers-tops and Catra is so not a sub. I feel a little silly writing a long meta about the sexual dynamics of a femslash ship in a cartoon aimed at kids and teens, but there’s reason for it. For some reason, lots of fics write one or both of them in ways that feel extremely out of character, perhaps to make them fit the mold for a particular kink or sexual trope. And people will write what “works” for them ugh, and I’m not kinkshaming on principle, but some of it feels extremely disrespectful to the characters. Particularly Catra, given her backstory and struggles so far in the series, and I find this rather troubling.

And unfortunately, some of these things that are written to fit some sexual trope have ended up entering the more general discourse and morphing the fanon interpretation of the characters into something urecognizable, something that would make the canon characters mad if they read it. That’s another big reason why I’m bothering to write all this.

Let’s start with a clarification: when I said Catradora are both tops, I meant they would fight each other for control of an encounter and that’s totally fine and we don’t need to make hard statements about who is the top because it comes naturally to both of them. But I didn’t mean they would necessarily want control for the same reasons or that they are interchangeable in the sack. IMO, Catra is a dominant vers-top and Adora is the definition of a service top (but also versatile if that’s what works for her partner). These may be unpopular opinions (honestly why?), but I am fully prepared to back them up. *cracks knuckles*

I’m going to explain my biggest point first and then put a bunch of additional thoughts under the cut. That point being we need to consider Catra and Adora’s relationships with power.

Here’s the thing. For Catra, power is safety, power is an accomplishment she is proud of. She has fought/longed her whole life to be taken seriously. She has always felt disrespected and like she lacked agency (both of which are true, actually), so feeling respected and in control is very important to her.

This is especially true of her relationship with Adora, as she feels like Adora has been controlling her for most of their lives and doesn’t respect her. She resents that Adora has been in the “power position” for ages and is actively trying to change that.

Didn’t anybody else see how she got off on those guards standing at attention as she walked by in 2x01, and how tickled she was standing on top of Dryl in 2x02, overlooking her troops taking it over? Catra gets off on power, why would she not also literally get off on it?

To Catra, giving up power would feel like a failure.

For Adora, power is a burden. Yes she is an absolute control freak, but that’s because she feels like she needs to control everything because if anything goes wrong it’s all her fault. Shadow Weaver instilled this idea in her when she was very young, the way she was groomed to be a leader in the Horde reinforced it, and now being She-Ra has made that feeling inescapable for her.

I’ve seen people use the “person who has a lot of power irl wants to give it up in the sack” concept to explain why they see Catra as a sub, but imo it works way better for Adora because she has always been saddled with power, even when she didn’t want it. I will get into this more under the cut, but we have seen Adora resenting and struggling with all her responsibilities on multiple occasions.

To Adora, giving up power would feel like a relief (once she got past the mental block of needing to control everything).

(This isn’t all to say that Catra would be running shit 100% of this time, I do actually think both are somewhat versatile in terms of top/bottom and dom/sub classification. I’m just making a hard case in this direction because I think they lean this way and because so many people seem weirdly convinced that Adora would 100% dominate Catra all the time and it’s weird and a little offensive.)

Now, let’s move on to my additional thoughts! The tl;dr of it all is: brattiness =/= submissiveness (quite the opposite, in fact), why the hell would an abuse survivor want to relive her trauma, this master/pet nonsense is racist af, Adora is not a starfish wtf, and Adora is a good little soldier who likes following orders.

(Plus new bonus content: Catra’s love and protection of Adora signals she’s a top, not just a dom.)

(A quick sidebar on semantics: I find the definition of “top” to be a little weird with wlw couples because we stole top/bottom from mlms but it doesn’t work the same way. We don’t always use strap-ons and when we do it’s not uncommon for both partners to use it on each other. So when I say top I might be referring to use of a strap-on or penetration in general, but more often I use it the way straight people do, literally referring to who is on top/who wants to be on top. [And for Catradora I really do think that’s both of them, though perhaps for somewhat different reasons.] Meanwhile, when I say dominant/submissive I mean who is running shit/in charge vs. who is pliable to their partner’s whims/willing to give up control. I don’t necessarily mean anything to do with BDSM, and I will say so if that is what I am referring to. So, hopefully the way I am using those two terms makes sense.)

Let’s start by clearing something up in regards to Catra: Brattiness does not equal submissiveness. This is a common misconception because yes, some submissive types will use brattiness to goad their partners into aggression. However, brattiness is first and foremost a defense mechanism. Brats are usually people who lack power and make up for it by acting out. It’s a way to feel like you have some power by resisting the unfavorable dynamic and/or causing the other person to lose control while you keep it together (causing a feeling of superiority/satisfaction that you caused that reaction). Why do you think so many youngest children are bratty? It’s the only way we can feel like anything but the omega of our family. Despite being about the same age, Catra basically feels like the younger sibling to the favored and overachieving Adora. Don’t you think she’d love to take her down a peg?

Yes, bratty behavior is meant to provoke a reaction, but it’s often an attempt to gain power, not lose it. Unfortunately, kinky stereotypes have caused this misconception that bratty characters must be subs looking to be dominated (and/or punished if into the BDSM stuff) or bottoms looking to be aggressively topped. Even if that is sometimes the case in the bedroom, we haven’t and will never see how Catradora interact in the bedroom, and people don’t always act the same in those situations as they do out in the world.

Sticking with Catra for now, I gotta say, anything that makes her a BDSM-type sub feels really problematic to me. Catra is an abuse survivor, and putting her in situations where she would be basically reliving her trauma (especially if they don’t take the care to establish the reasons for this behavior in a way that feels organic to the character) is extremely disrespectful. We’ve seen Shadow Weaver restrain Catra with magic and take control of her body, and it’s heavily implied by Catra’s behavior that Shadow Weaver has beaten her in the past. She is constantly struggling to get out from under Shadow Weaver’s thumb, why would she then want to go submit to someone else, especially in a way that would reenact this trauma? (Again, this is especially true of her relationship with Adora, considering that she feels like Adora has been dominating and controlling her for most of their lives and she heavily resents this dynamic.)

Then there’s all the racist implications of Catra in restraints, especially collars. First of all, cats usually hate collars and Catra in particular would hate it. She doesn’t want anyone to take control of her, Shadow Weaver’s done that enough for a lifetime. Then there’s the really gross implication that people want to domesticate Catra. Master/pet scenarios are a little fucked up when the “pet” character is a hybrid of a common house pet. Like, yikes. If you can do enough character work to make me believe she’d be into that, maybe we can talk. But, can’t anyone else see why this is kinda fucked up?

All this sub/bottom Catra stuff really makes no sense to me, and I can’t help but agree with the posts about how Catra is a top but the fandom likes to write her as a bottom because they ID with her and want She-Ra to top them. Like, Catra is her own character, not an empty vessel you get to mess with to self-insert into a sex scene with a buff goddess.

That being said, I do respect the power bottom Catra headcanon even if I don’t agree with it, if for no other reason than Adora is a total service top so her slotting into that role makes some amount of sense. My issue is more with the idea that Catra is inherently a total bottom (as opposed to her fitting in where she does with Adora) and with the dom/sub stuff in general. Because yeah, no.

Look, cats are like the least submissive creature on this planet, and Catra is one of the least submissive characters on the show. Adora, meanwhile, is basically a big puppy dog. If you have a dog and a cat together, which one ends up being submissive? Like, honestly.

On that note, let’s move on to Adora.

As I said above, Adora is the very definition of a service top. Adora is, as Catra said in 1x01, a people pleaser. She wants to please the people around her, both by making them happy and by making them proud/living up to their expectations. She’s also the type of person who tends to go for what she wants, tackle her problems head on. I honestly can’t imagine a situation where Adora would not be focused first and foremost on giving her partner pleasure, whether that means taking charge and fucking them with a strap-on or letting them ride her face until she suffocates. Or even if it means letting them have their way with her, as long as she can reciprocate and make them feel as good as they made her feel (hopefully better, because she’s super competitive).

Here, we run into another problem. I’ve seen Adora written multiple times as a melty starfish who lets Catra top her and doesn’t try very hard (if at all) to return the favor when Catra blows her mind. Maybe she whines a little about wanting to do stuff to Catra if she initially turns it down, but she doesn’t try to take control. Like, please. Do you seriously think Adora would stand for that shit? Canon Adora would get so huffy if Catra tried to turn it down, because Adora needs to prove her prowess and please the people closest to her. I’m not advocating for dubcon here or saying we should write that, just that based on Adora’s personality she would at least try. Adora is not a pillow princess, and certainly not a starfish. Like, that should be obvious.

However, I do see Adora as someone who could easily end up being more submissive in the bedroom. She wouldn’t necessarily be at first because she is so used to being in charge, but once she experienced that loss of control I think she would enjoy it. Here is where that “person who has a lot of power irl wants to give it up in the sack” idea comes back. I already went into this earlier, how power is a burden for her and letting someone else take charge would be a relief for her.

Fact is, this is already canon. Adora likes following orders. Madame Razz literally called her out in 1x03 for how she wants other people to tell her what to think and do. She was constantly striving to please Shadow Weaver, to carry out her orders and be a good soldier, and she never gave much thought to whether these were the right things to do until the truth smacked her in the face. She was happy to be promoted to Force Captain, but to me that read as her being pleased at the validation/recognition for her good work more than the power the promotion gave her (whereas for Catra, it was obviously both). When she moved to Bright Moon, she suddenly had this burning need to prove herself to Queen Angella. She craves approval from authority figures, and while Catra does too, Adora seems to have this very deep intrinsic need to be valued and appreciated for her service.

Like I said, a total service top. But she is a top. So is Catra. As I said in my first post about this, that is part of what’s fun about this ship. Let them playfully fight for control. We don’t have to assign these roles so rigidly, the only reason I’m making a hard case for dominant Catra is to counteract the common discourse/fanfic tropes for these two. Tbh I don’t even think they’d be very kinky, their lives are crazy enough and I think they’d just enjoy the comfort and intimacy and fun of vanilla-ish sex, once they got past all their hangups and reconciled. Catra likes her power, but once she got comfortable enough with Adora again she would be able to let go of that at times and I think it would be freeing for her.

Okay that’s about it for this ridiculous rant, but I hope I’ve given you all something to think about. Please try to consider the characters’ histories and personalities when writing sexy fanfic or remarking on the sexual power dynamics between these two. That stuff is so much better anyway when it actually feels true to the characters and shows respect for them.

ETA: I foolishly did not think to include this in the post initially, but Catra’s history of protecting and caring for Adora in the small ways that she can suggests she’s a top, not just a dom. It’s worth noting that she feels like a top-type personality forced into a role not suited for her, i.e. a role where she feels weak and dependent on her partner. I’m not gonna go into all the details here because this is a whole other meta I’ve written since, but you can find all that in this post. (I have since edited it into a PG version to address the non-nsfw aspects of what I was trying to say, but the original is still there.)

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

Okay, I read your post about the nudes (Thank you for responding btw!!!) but now I’m fixated on another issue. Zack fetishizes lesbians a lot. Do you think this relates back to his ex-wife, a lesbian? Eg. he feels entitled to talk about lesbians that way after being married to (and presumably sleeping with) a lesbian? Or maybe he was attracted to his ex-wife because he’s attracted to lesbians? Or maybe he’s attracted to lesbians because of his ex-wife?

so some of it i think is fine, namely that he finds “soft butch” women attractive. there’s nothing wrong with a man being attracted to gender nonconforming, androgynous, soft butch, etc. women. it’s actually something i liked about him (eg heavier and/or soft butch women being types of women he was attracted to.) the “everybody loves lesbians” and “Two girls having sex is literally the best thing in the world.” and “I always love lesbians. I get them. Dicks are weird and boobs are great.” stuff. it comes from hearing lesbian and interpreting it as bisexual. (which stems from not seeing women as more sexual, but from seeing women as having no sexuality, no desire & wants, no boundaries. to them, she/women generally/bi and lesbian women in particular, reflects back what men want to see.) 

and if he thinks what drives lesbian women is boobs, like what drives him, he doesn’t get lesbians lol. lesbians aren’t lesbians because women are uwu soft booby creatures, but because they are attracted to femaleness, vulvas, scents, tastes... it’s like reducing attraction to men to their buttocks, or their breasts. we mammals have sex primarily with our genitals, and what drives mammalian attraction to females is actually attraction to vulvas, scents, tastes, skin, the experience of being with, feeling with, even in thought... the sexualization & objectification of the female breast is particular to human culture, and certain patriarchal ones at that. (indeed, some theorize that because human vulvas are much less conspicuous/big/swollen/visible than chimp and bonobo vulvas, we evolved larger breasts and buttocks to compensate for our less visible vulvas. men evolved larger buttocks as well, obviously, and mammals, including humans, of both sexes have buttocks in some form, breasts and nipples.) breasts can be part of it for humans, for sure, but it’s not what drives it in mammals, or even between women. indeed, i think the focus on breasts is the result of cultural/malestream objectification of them, and if a woman was say, attracted to breasts but grossed out by vulvas, i’d say that reflected internalized objectification of herself and other women, not of attraction to women. it would be her seeing other women with a patriarchal male gaze, not being attracted to women. also note his “nobody likes man boobs but everyone loves lesbians.”

i’m sure his ex plays into it. he even made said on periscope about not being able to be mad at her for leaving him for a woman, because the thought of her with a woman was so hot. ugh. it’s interesting how in mainstream and leftist/liberal circles, women eroticizing two men together is so taboo and often erased when men pornifying women together is ubiquitous to the point people think women are naturally bisexual, whereas men are gay or straight end of (eg male bisexuality is forbidden in het, couples, even “porn for women” whereas female bisexuality is universal, liberals/leftists assume women are uwu soft bisexuals, most people think all bi men are gay, teen girls and women into male-male eroticism get derided for “fetishizing mlm,” both sexes are supposed to find female-female eroticism sexy but most consider male-male eroticism gross, most females in pop culture who aren’t heterosexual are bi, but most non-heterosexual men are gay, most men who have repeated, mutually desired and enjoyed sex with men identify as straight, etc). 

they did have a sexual relationship, but the extent i’ve heard him talk about it is saying he gave a lot of oral and never got any back (in another periscope), because even with him, she wasn’t into dick (it was the “eat pussy no matter what” one with b where b also says lesbians ain’t into dick and shouldn’t try to be. jeremy was in the backseat. in the van. on the way to the hallelujah video shoot, i believe. zack actually got serious for a moment with his “you know, i really believe that” about eating pussy no matter what lol). considering male culture/porn, being into women with women probably came before he met his wife.

the general fetishization/pornifying i think comes from male culture, but i think the specifically being drawn to soft butch women comes from his experiences. his ex-wife isn’t butch, androgynous or feminine to me but i’ve only seen her 2-3 times. (but she is a red head, with larger breasts & not thin haha, which are other attributes he’s into.) i don’t know where specifically the later comes from, especially considering men’s porn is full of two feminine women together; butch and gender nonconforming, even androgynous women are no where to be seen in it. 

him finding soft butch women attractive means him going against the grain of what men are supposed to find attractive, especially considering that most of men’s attraction to women, especially in the 21st century/online culture/porn culture, is actually attraction to femininity, not femaleness (eg “needing” a woman to be shaved of all body hair to find her desirable has nothing to do with femaleness but femininity, ritualized submission. it is actually a flight from adult femaleness. same with finding a woman attractive based on plastic surgery, heels, make up, lingerie, etc.). indeed, it’s reached a point where men will question their own sexuality it they are attracted to gender nonconforming/butch/androgynous women (eg women in trades, farmers, women who wear men’s clothes, women who don’t perform femininity, etc)!

[parelmoer]

Regarding to your post about misogyny in skam, i agree, it totally ridiculous tbh. I was wondering tho what u think about the hate on Noor in wtfock? Do you think its more ‘valid’ seeing as Robbe did break up with her? I feel the other emma characters were hated for no reason, but i can see this as a valid reason to not like Noor

I feel like it’s even less ‘valid’ to hate on Noor than on the other Emma characters and I don’t understand why you’d say the opposite. Noor genuinely liked Robbe and he used her and then just threw her away (the break up scene was really strange in my opinion, like who breaks up with someone in a restaurant and then just leaves?? A dick move in my opinion tbh), so Noor has every right to be mad at Robbe. My frustrations with the original Emma came from the fact that she outed him, which hasn’t happened in Wtfock yet. The only stupid thing that Noor has said regarding Robbe’s sexuality, is claiming that ‘it’s 2019 and that no one cares that he’s gay’, which was very ironic considering the fact that Robbe got beaten up for being gay, just the day before. (I think it was very smart of the writers to keep that scene in to emphasise even more how members of the lgbt community still aren’t accepted in Belgium in 2019, even though straight people might think otherwise.) Idk I just feel like the skam fandom should take a step back when it comes to criticism on female characters and just reflect on if the bad feelings they have towards the Emma and Sonja characters actually stem from the problematic stuff they’ve said, or if it’s just another case of ‘girl gets in the way of my favourite mlm couple’. In Wtfock, neither Noor or Britt, have done anything problematic yet (except Noor’s comment that I’ve mentioned) so I think it’s safe to say that the hate that these female characters are getting is based on nothing except the fact that they ‘obstruct’ Sander and Robbe from getting together.

[hopeshoodie]

I wasn't going to say anything more on the subject because I said what I needed to, namely 'stop talking about me and leave me alone', but then someone sent me the below screenshot. I slept on it, debated back and forth, and then decided to post something because regardless of if you see it or it gives you more ammunition, I just need closure. I just need to be able to stop thinking about it.

I would normally be opposed to airing dirty laundry publicly, but since you want to continue making accusations and I have no interest in talking to you directly, I'll leave this for you.

First, just to address the original situation. I don't even care if you send anon asks. What bothered me was that you posted bragging about it on your blog, implying that you tricked me into interacting with you. ‘The greatest crossover’ and ‘she doesn’t know it’s me’ makes the joke about my ignorance, rather than the contents of the asks. That felt like a violation of my boundaries because I have told you, personally, that I don't like the way you treat people and I don't want to interact with you because it boosts your platform. Despite that, you sent asks to me then felt the need to publicly broadcast that on your account, which I can’t see (which further felt shitty because suddenly everyone’s in on a joke about me except me). That felt shitty. That felt like I was being made the butt of the joke that I didn't initially understand because I struggle to read the subtext in things. 

I will say, the ask I responded to wasn’t you and I misinterpreted it because I only saw what you did after I responded to those asks. But that doesn’t mean what you did was less shitty, because I responded to an unrelated anon thinking it was also you. 

 And then you reblogged the one post I made asking you to leave me alone (I still don't know how that worked because I have you blocked) with a screenshot of an old like on one of your posts with the notification 'now'- seeming to imply that that happened recently. But I scrolled through my likes for 10 minutes and didn't find it. And you know that's why I have you blocked, so I don't accidentally interact with your posts because it's a small fandom and I'm not the most aware. But this indicates to me that you're being intentional and deliberate about your actions, because you had to either have an old screenshot saved, or gone digging for it with the intention of posting it to make it seem recent. You characterized it as though I asked you to disengage and then immediately interacted with you. That's not what happened and you know it. I don't know if you're just being vindictive or scrambling, but I implore you to really critically look at the choices you're making. You have to know that was a shitty thing to do? 

And then this

In general, I dislike how you and your friends threaten deactivation when little spats happen. It draws more attention and is generally unnecessary. But that doesn't impact me, so it's fine, I can’t really be mad. I also find it distasteful that you blame the l/tg fandom for this, because you're broadening it outside of us and putting unrelated people on the defensive. No one else was involved in this but you and me.

But then the tags… The tags are really fucking bad, Kate. I don’t get why you’ve saved up all these allegations to post publicly when we get into a disagreement? It has nothing to do with the situation. But since you did, I really need to address them because it’s pretty serious stuff. 

First, I wasn’t stalking you. People who were following you sent this to me to ask what was going on. I've also told you personally that there's no group of people conspiring against you. I talk to a couple of people regularly, but there's no coordinating or whatever. I don't have a friend group in the fandom, and even if I did the last time we talked you defended having a clique as just having friends and I agreed. On my end, there's no group chat or herd of flying monkeys. I object to that characterization, but I'll move past it.

I don't quite understand your 'you're the one fetishizing' comment. I assume it's in response to the comment I made that you were sexualizing mlm in an ask that no one else was. And I stand by that. It did make me uncomfortable at the time that I said 'I think Bobby is queer coded for these reasons' and you said 'this random character is queercoded too, let him suck dicks' then repeated that outside of the ask twice. I personally wouldn’t talk about hypothetical gay men in such a crass way when purely discussing their sexuality, because it seems to equate queerness as first and foremost a sexual act, instead of attraction and a culture. I think you should reflect on that and do better in the future. If you'd like to point out times I've hypersexualized gay men, I would love to take a look and critically think about my own actions in order to make amends and grow.

I don't understand your transphobic comment either. I assume it's in reference to this post  where I said that Ciaran looked like one of my trans friends, so I was headcanoning him as trans. I don't see how that's transphobic. Again, if you or anyone else would like to explain a different perspective, I'm all ears. But I don’t think just saying ‘I’ve decided to headcanon this character as trans in my maladaptive daydreams’ hurts anyone.

As for the microlabeling, I think you're referencing this post  But I still fail to see the argument you're making. I've never said people who use the queer umbrella term are invalid. I personally prefer to use the label of lesbian and nonbinary (and I hardly think those are microlabels), so when making my own headcanons I tend to stick to labels as well. But that's all that post was, me sharing my headcanons. I apologize if it made you feel like people who don't use the labels are invalid, that was never my intention.

I don't know what you're quoting me on 'hiding behind an alias', I don't think I've ever said that? But more to your point, I've repeatedly said that the reason I want to keep this blog anonymous is because I'm very open about past trauma, dependence on illicit substances, and my past sex work. It's not that I'm saying harmful things that I'm worried I'll get fired for like you're trying to characterize it as.

I think I know who you're referring to in the last part, but ultimately that's between you and her. I have nothing to do with it, outside of thinking that the way you talked to and about her publicly was disrespectful, unkind, and manipulative. That's my (and anyone else who saw your very public posts on the matter) prerogative. 

So ultimately where we're left is just… I'm sad. I was upset last night because I felt attacked and ganged up on. Now, with some clarity, I am sad that every attempt I've made to reach out to you and give you the benefit of the doubt has failed. I'm sad that your response to me saying you made me feel gross by bragging about tricking me into posting an anon you sent is to throw all of these 'receipts' at me and then leave. Ultimately that's your choice. That's not me bullying you off the platform (I've never sent anon hate to you, I've tried to talk through concerns with you personally on three separate occasions, and I never talk poorly about you on my blog). That's not the L/TG fandom being so toxic you had to leave.

I don't know if there can be a productive take away from this other than… Maybe we both use it as a learning experience?

I definitely could've handled the Wayne asks better. I've been feeling taunted by several anons who send stuff that subtextually insults me, but because I’m bad at reading subtext I misinterpret and respond to them. Then someone points it out and I feel like the butt of the joke. So that context definitely made me use harsher words than I would normally. 

But you really need to learn how to separate criticism from personal attacks. I just said you violated my boundary and I wanted you to stop. You can't keep reacting to every conflict by making fun of the person to your friends, vaguing about it to get more people involved, then saying 'I guess I'm a bad person' to victimize yourself. You're not a victim in this circumstance. How you've acted towards me and then responded to this was pretty shitty, not going to lie. But I'm fine now, and I'm just looking for something to take away from this. You're not a bad person. You just need to learn how to react to conflict more maturely, in my opinion. I'm not saying this to be catty, I really hope you can look past being defensive and actually be mindful going forward.