#dollar store tom welling

[kizunatallis]

So Dollar Store Tom Welling has officially been cast as Superman.

What a fucking downgrade.

If it actually makes money since it seems to be catering and pandering to the "real DC fans", I'll be shocked honestly .

[kizunatallis]

It is also the safest and blandest shit imaginable. Like taking Brandon Routh because he looks like Christopher Reeve (who really was a one-in-a-million find) and I only imagine Legacy will be just as “playing things as safe as humanly possible” as Returns was.

THIS IS SOME COLD BLOODED SHIT... we all knew he was out, but to replace him with a guy that's just looks like a younger version of him is some seriously wicked shit. 0_0

[bubbless-s]

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ A brushstroke of love ᝰ.ᐟ

Request: “I don’t know if you still take Harry Potter requests but can you do slytherin boys (and pansy) walking on you doing your pre shower makeup?”

Masterlist

- ʚɞ genre: fluffly, light entertainment

- ʚɞ warnings: none

Tom Riddle

✧ Gets annoyed.

✧ “Why are you wasting your make up?”

✧ Still doesn’t get why you waste time and energy doing this.

✧ You jumpscared him once because you had done a minion full face make up.

✧ it just happened that you were walking after him and he suddenly turned.

✧ Starts hating the pre shower makeup even more.

✧ Would rather die then tell anyone that he got jumpscared by your face in yellow.

Mattheo Riddle

✧ “Love what the fuck.”

✧ Will NEVER let you do it on him.

✧ You will give him kisses? No—wait kisses?

✧ Well since you will give him compensation he will sit trough it.

✧ “I look like what you would get when you search ghetto make up on google.”

✧ Likes it more if you put lipstick on and kiss his whole face.

✧ He is like a energetic 9yo who ate tons of chocolate. So in conclusion he can’t stay still for too long.

Theodore Nott

✧ Thinks its funny since he has done it too.

✧ Buys you those shitty kid make up products so you don’t waste your expensive makeup.

✧ Secretly takes pictures of you and threatens to post it.

✧ But he never will.

✧ Let’s you do his brows because he finds it hilarious how he looks with big brows drawn with a eyeliner from a kid makeup set.

✧ Takes 0,5 pictures of you and himself after the masterpiece makeup is done.

✧ Laughs everytime the dollar store lipstick snaps in half from bad quality and his pressure from applying it.

Draco Malfoy

✧ “Is this what birthday makeup is or..?”

✧ Straight up holding back tears when you force him to try it.

✧ “This is muggle activity I—“ “So is bleaching your hair Malfoy.”

✧ You made his skin match his hair. ‘Accidentally’ with water proof 24h lasting brush.

✧ He almost cried.

✧ Didn’t go to classes that day and didn’t step out of his room.

✧ Also he ‘accidentally’ smudged the makeup in your shirt. Accident happen!

Enzo Berkshire

✧ Traumatised.

✧ “Why do you look like a smurf :(.”

✧ Doesn’t want to do it. But he is supportive. Kinda.

✧ Will get you tons of micellar water so the cleaning process is easier.

✧ If you mess up your mascara and get it all over the tube he won’t also mind cleaning it.

✧ What he will mind is if you try to do it on him.

✧ “My skincare is expensive girl..💅”

Blaise Zabini

✧ Stands in the doorway with a ‘:|’ face.

✧ “Um what are you doing this late at night cupcake?”

✧ Another type to take pictures of you.

✧ Agrees when you offer to do his next.

✧ Suddenly became a professional makeup artist??

✧ And comments and how you blend things and stuff😭

✧ “Im rocking this.”

Pansy Parkinson

✧ “I thought we were doing this together?”

✧ Immediately sits next to you and DEMANDS that you do her makeup too.

✧ In the end you both have matching makeup. You’re painted in pink she is in blue. (Stitch and his gf)

✧ “I look so cute. But you’re the cutest.”

✧ Kisses your face anyway. Who cares if you have kilos of make up on your faces?

✧ “Babe do I have makeup smudges on my arse?” “Don’t worry the only thing I see is fifty pounds of ass😋”

✧ The removing process is another type of pain.

[tomssexdoll]

omgg write a fluff w tom/ bill where him and the reader are high outta their minds that would lowk be hilarious it could also be a little smutty in the end 👀

HAHAHA YESSS

Stoned

PAIRINGS: Tom 2007 x Female reader CONTENT: FLUFF + SMUT (just a bit) SYPNOSIS: Y/N and Tom are high as FUCK, they are friends and she comes over to his house to try this "new" thing he has. She assumes it's some sort of drug or weird guitar solo, they watch movies, cuddle and at the end get a lil bit freaky... A/N: haven't been high in over a year so don't bash me if i get the feeling wrong, it's from what i remember lmao WARNINGS: teasing, kissing, drug use (weed)

Me and Tom have been best friends for over 10 years, he has been my rock, supporting me through everything. He never changed, always hanging out with me, showing me off to new friends. He was amazing.

One day he called me and said he had something to show me, something "new" he wanted to try out with me. I immediately knew it was a drug or a weird guitar solo, he is full of surprises I guess.

I got into my car and started to drive to his house, wondering what stupid thing was going to consume my day.

I arrived eventually and greeted Tom, hugging him tightly and walking inside, sitting in his room. He came in with a little baggie of what looked like weed, he handed it to me and I sighed "Tom this is a lot of weed, do you plan to smoke it all tonight?" he chuckled "no of course not, if we like it we can try it again at the party next week" he rummaged through his draws, pulling out a small black bong, decorated with skulls.

"Wowww real edgy" I rolled my eyes playfully, he laughed and slapped my arm playfully "shut up it was on sale, i'm not spending 50 fucking dollars for a small bong."

I stood up and grabbed the grinder that went with is, putting the bud in there and grinding it down, once it was finished I grabbed the bong, packing some of the weed in there.

"Wow you really know how to do this huh?" he smirked, admiring what I did. "Well my brother smokes and it's not like I haven't done it before so.." I shrugged and grabbed the lighter, sparking it and hovering the flame over the bud, sucking in the smoke. (did i just give you guys a tutorial..)

I inhaled it, feeling it burn the back of my throat but in a nice way, a familiar feeling to when I smoked cigarettes. "Fuck..that's some good shit..where did you get it from" I blew the smoke out, starting to get the effects already.

My head a bit woozy, eyes drooping ever so slightly and everything becoming a bit more brighter. I looked back at Tom, finishing the rest of the cone, the way he threw his head back when inhaling was so sexy..the way his lips slightly parted and his eyes slowly shut.

"I got it from Greg, you know, Janes older brother" he looked back at me, blowing out the smoke as well. "Oh.." I said slowly "well it's not dodgy weed I'll tell you that" I giggled.

Everything was a bit slower, my talking, movements. It felt wonderful, like I was as light as a feather.

"Let's have some more, cmon" he scooted closer to me and we had 3 more cones each, it was hitting hard now, things were much more slower, I looked down at my hands and they were slightly out of focus, like I had 4 hands.

I got up from his bed and grabbed his hand, going towards the kitchen and raiding his pantry, grabbing all the snacks I could find and a few cans of soda. I sat down and dropped everything onto the coffee table, laying down next to him, resting my head on his lap, "should we order pizza.." he mumbled, I nodded slowly and grabbed my phone, dialing the store and ordering 2 large pizzas, one cheese and one meat lovers.

"Fuck..we are gonna feast" he chuckled, his eyes super red and droopy, I smiled and picked a movie to watch.

After 45 minutes our pizza FINALLY ARRIVED. I ran to the door and quickly gave the pizza guy the cash, slamming the door and almost tripping trying to get back to the couch, "fuck!" I yelped, Tom just laughed and grabbed one of the boxes, stuffing his face with pizza.

"Mmm...so good" he groaned, I grabbed a slice and ate it, savouring the taste "has pizza ever tasted this good?" I said, it was like they put magic into it, usually pizza was mid but this time it was amazing. Our movie was ending soon, we picked a horror, which was kinda dumb because we were so high.

I sat up and held him tightly at the suspense, screaming and hiding my face into his arm when the jumpscare popped up "jesus" he chuckled "it wasn't that bad" I rolled my eyes and softly shoved him "shut up..wasn't even scary.." I mumbled

By the time we had finished 3 movies everything was DEVOURED. We decided to chill for a bit, have a talk and enjoy each others company. I layed down on the couch and he spooned me from behind, holding me close.

Usually we'd always cuddle, it was never weird to us but this time, the tension was super high. Not even in a bad way, it's like the air was thicker...the way his arms were wrapped around me and his face pressed softly on the top of my head made me feel some kind of way.

I turned around and looked up at him, it's like in that moment, we were the only people alive. His eyes washed over with desire and love, surprising me. "You know, you are so beautiful y/n, you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen" he smiled softly, brushing a hair away from my face.

"Yeah whatever, I'm sure you tell every girl you hook up with that.." I rolled my eyes, secretly enjoying the praise. "No, y/n..I mean it, you are so beautiful" he leaned closer, our lips basically inches away.

"Tom..." my breathing hitched slightly, searching his eyes for deciet but all I saw was sincerity, love and compassion, I smiled softly, blush creeping onto my cheeks.

"I want to kiss you.." he whispered, his breath hot on my lips.

"ok pizza breath.." I giggled and leaned in, kissing him gently. He kissed back, wrapping his hand around to the back of my head and pulling me closer, locking our lips into a passionate embrace. His kisses got more urgent, his erection becoming prominent in his pants, pressing up against my leg.

"See how you make me feel? You drive me crazy" he moaned against my lips, slipping his tongue in my mouth. I reached my hand down and softly palmed his clothed cock, making him groan softly.

His hands snaked down to my waist, then to my ass, squeezing it softly. Then, his hand came back up, slipping under my shirt and grabbing my breasts, rubbing his thumb over my nipple, sending shivers down my spine.

I had grabbed one of his shirts earlier, removing my bra since you weren't able to see much anyway, it was getting a bit hot so I changed my outfit.

"My shirt looks so good on you..might have to fuck you in it" he mumbled, grinning widely.

I chuckled "we'll see about that", I rolled us over, flipping me on top of him, deepening the kiss.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Cory Doctorow Humble Bundle

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in TUCSON (Mar 9-10), then San Francisco (Mar 13), Anaheim, and more!

It's been 21 years and 29 days since Tor Books published my first novel, Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom. In the years since, Tor has published every one of my novels, sending me around the USA and Canada to talk about them. Now, they've teamed up with Humble Bundle to sell 18 of my ebooks on a name-your-price basis, with part of the proceeds going to benefit EFF:

https://www.humblebundle.com/books/cory-doctorow-novel-collection-tor-books-books

I've been associated with EFF even longer than I've been published by Tor! My first novel came out while I was working EFF's first-ever booth at CES. I split my time between the booth and my motel room, where I paid $0.25/call to dial up to Earthlink's local number and manage the launch-day publicity. Over the years, I've benefited immensely from Tor's editorial and publicity departments, working with brilliant publishing people like Patrick Nielsen Hayden, Patty Garcia, Dot Lin, Laura Etzkorn, Elena Stokes, Sarah Reidy, Lucille Rettino, and of course, Tor founder Tom Doherty.

But I like to think that it was a two-way street. Tor and I have come a long way together on ebooks: most visibly, they allowed me to publish several novels under Creative Commons licenses (my first book was the first ever CC book, coming out just weeks after the licenses themselves launched). As my editor Patrick Nielsen Hayden said at the time, "Ebooks have the worst hours-in-meeting-to-dollars-in-revenue ratio of anything in my publishing career. Why not?"

https://craphound.com/down/download/

Just as important – but less visible – was Tor's willingness to let me insist that all my books be published without DRM, meaning that anything you buy on say, Amazon, can be moved to any reader program if you decide to start getting your ebooks elsewhere. This worked so well that in 2012, Tor became the first major publisher in the world to ban DRM on all its ebooks, flying me, John Scalzi and Charlie Stross to New York City to announce it this at a big, splashy event at Book Expo America:

https://web.archive.org/web/20130512022634/https://tor.com/blogs/2012/06/tor-books-announces-e-book-store-doctorow-scalzi-a-stross-talk-drm-free

Tor's unique status as the sole major DRM-free publisher in the world was well timed! That same year, I curated the very first Humble Ebook Bundle, which was very top-heavy with Tor titles, and raised more than $1,000,000 for the writers, publishers and charities associated with it:

https://web.archive.org/web/20121017215636/http://www.humblebundle.com/

That opened the floodgates to a series of Humble Bundles, tempting other major publishers to dabble with DRM-free, including Simon and Schuster:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-I5QyAfglU

And Harpercollins:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHMLfeCrCrE

Now, 12 years after that inaugural Humble Ebook Bundle, I find myself honored by being the subject of a bundle of my own (it helps that I've written a hell of a lot of books in the intervening years). Included in the bundle are (nearly) all of my Tor novels and novellas: The Lost Cause; "The Canadian Miracle" (a Lost Cause story); Red Team Blues; Radicalized; Walkaway; "Party Discipline" (a Walkaway story); Pirate Cinema; Rapture of the Nerds (with Charlie Stross); For The Win; Makers; Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town; Eastern Standard Tribe, Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom, Little Brother, Homeland, Attack Surface, and "Lawful Interception" (a Little Brother story).

(The sole exclusion is The Bezzle, which came out two weeks ago and is already a USA Today national bestseller!)

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

Also included in the bundle is Poesy the Monster Slayer, my 2020 picture book for the littlies:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627/poesythemonsterslayer

All these books are delivered as DRM-free epub files. The Bundle runs for the next three weeks, and the minimum buy-in is $18 – that's just $1/book (full retail value is $187). Of course, you can name a higher price, and, as with all Humble Bundles, you can adjust the final split to share out the money between me, EFF, and the Humble folks.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/03/humbly-bundled/#eff-too

[mikalame]

Halloween with Tokio Hotel

Check out @riaisnotok as i got a lot of inspo from them!!

Bill

he goes all out with big fancy decorations as Halloween is his favourite holiday, he drags everyone else into it as well

wakes everyone up super early to start with costumes and on the day of Halloween he gets everyone super hyped up before trick or treating even with Georgs grumbles of 'being to old for this shit'.

Make sure to milk all the people that give candy out for a lot of candy so he can get the most he will brag about it on the way to the next house to do the same thing

doesn't really dress up as gory characters more so fictional characters he sees in shows or reads about but he will make up sure the decorations around the house are gory and scary as shit.

love doing face paint and putting latex and fake blood on everyone thinks it is really cool to see it like drip down and how you can make some one look like they just got beaten up

Tom

Most gory shit ever its his whole thing could be the most plain character ever and he will be like "yeah i wanna be -------- but make me look dead 😁"

Scares little kids with Georg like around the time where 8-9 year old are walking around cause its not super dark but the sun is setting and they hide in bushes jumping out.

threw up in the middle of the night cause he scoffed down his lollies and got sick even though he was told not to eat them quickly but he didn't listen. this also happens every Halloween.

Gets scared by the fake skeleton bill puts up and will screech every time he sees it even in the middle of the night when he gets up to go puke.

Georg

Moves the fake skeleton around the house and even moves it so its hovering over top of toms bed so it looks like it was watching him sleep then laughs his ass off when he hears tom scream.

tom dared him to mix all his lollies together with a fizzy drink then when the drink tasted like pure sugar and no other flavour he punched tom for 'wasting his candy' then steals like 5 from everyone else.

like to get the Halloween drinks they do at cafes and will never admit it though. Gustav found out and now uses it as blackmail when ever he wants something from him.

Dresses up in THE most boring costumes ever think like batman or harry potter you know and they're also from the dollar store where they are really cheap shitty quality. gets hounded at by Bill for it.

Gustav

Makes all the best Halloween snacks like little ghosts and skeletons or zombies and they're all gone by like the 2 day of October because bill made sure this was a month long holiday

helps Georg with scaring tom and puts fake cobwebs in random places so he can walk into them but walked into them instead and screamed cause he thought it was real them got super embarrassed

didn't really do Halloween before moving in with the band but then because of bill he got into it but doesn't really dress up to much kinda basic as well but well thought out.

May tease Georg about his little pumpkin spice lattes but he in fact does drink them as well but comes up with an excuse about why he is going out (they don't really believe him most of the time)

Taglist:@oppopotamus@saumspam@violentnewmarley@adissonsss hope you all enjoy halloween and make sure if you have any ideas reqest them 😁

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - prologue

Masterlist - part one

Summary: Corporal Makayla Sully believed she was the last of her family. Her parents were long gone, her brother Tom was killed for his wallet, and his twin Jake abandoned her in exchange for the sunny paradise Pandora. Kayla is informed of Jake's passing and so she decides to take a job opportunity with General Frances Ardmore. She hitches a ride to Pandora with the intent of recovering her brother's remains, twenty years since the last time she's seen him. Instead of a box of bones or ash, however, she's given something she thought she lost a long time ago.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

Word Count: 1k+

posted on ao3

Taglist: @mooniequeen

Warnings: canon-compliant, canon-typical violence, mature language, adult content, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, alien/human (technically avatar), jake sully sister agenda, time skips, I'm trying to hurry up and get to the good parts so bear with me, fluff, angst, adopted spider, tags to be added

A/N: The title loosely translates from "warrior from above" in Na'vi

EARTH, OVER TWENTY YEARS AGO...

It's like a switch turned off in his head.

One minute he's drinking and actually enjoying life for once, the next he's thrown out of the bar and had been told his twin brother was dead. Seeing Tommy's body numbed everything, sobering Jake up before he even had a chance to puke the stuff out. It's one thing for his legs to stop working, it's another for his emotions to stop as well. The man barely said a word or even composed a proper emotion during the whole funeral process. After watching his brother's body being cremated, he hadn't been angry or even devastated by the loss. There wasn't a single tear shed on Jake's behalf during the service, his mind droning out the words exchanged and the condolences given.

Now, he sat in his wheelchair, staring out the window of his sister's crammed two-room apartment, not far down the road from his own living space. His hair was long and unkept with the idea of shaving it all off tomorrow, the dress jacket he had worn for the service now tossed to the couch behind him. The shaggy, old apartment didn't have much for lights, least of all a view, the only green to be seen being the lights of signs indicating a restaurant or a dollar store right outside. The familiar sound of ice clinking softly together in a glass could be heard behind him, along with a woman's voice.

"Jake? Jake."

"Hm."

The woman's voice drew closer as she crossed the room to him, "I found a job opening down the street. 'Pay is good. Thought we might check it out together?"

Looking up, Jake is met with a small glass with about a couple gulps worth of whiskey in it, and two ice cubes to make up for the shitty water content. He glances up at his sister as she offers the glass to him and he eventually takes the drink but doesn't acknowledge her words. Kayla's head tilts to the side, studying his reaction before speaking again, "What is it?"

His jaw tightens, taking the time to stare down at his drink while he finds the words, "... I'm taking Tommy's job. I'm gonna be shipped out on a shuttle tomorrow afternoon. In about... six years, I'll be landing on Pandora."

"... Really."

"Money's good," he tries offering the bright side, despite his brooding behavior. He gulps back his entire drink with one tip back of his head, tolerating the burn of alcohol before setting the empty glass on the window sill, "And they need someone with Tommy's face and DNA in order to sync up with the avatar they designed for him. I'll be saving them millions of dollars."

He doesn't need to see her face to know that Kayla was trying to refrain from scowling, "You don't know a single thing about science. You're a war dog."

"Not anymore, clearly," Jake muttered while his hands touched the wheels of his chair.

"You know what I mean. I mean you barely passed high school--"

"'And Tommy passed with flying colors', yeah I know," he responds flatly, a bad taste starting to form in his mouth, "I've heard that plenty of times, trust me."

"Jake-- why are you telling me all this the night before you're meant to leave?"

He finally looks up at her. Plain-faced and pale, Kayla still had a shadow of youth in her eyes, with plenty of life ahead of her. She may not be a twin like Jake and Tommy, but she still bore the resemblance of a Sully. Narrow nose, thin lips, dull blue eyes, and a pointed chin, Jake's younger sister could easily be misinterpreted as his twin now that Tom was no longer around. The thought made his stomach clench and the taste in his mouth got worse.

"So you wouldn't be able to stop me."

She huffs, unimpressed as she took a long sip of her own beverage, "Well, at least you're honest when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"When are you not drunk these days?" She hissed, "Do you think those scientists will take on a drunk in the RDA or whatever-the-fuck it's called?"

"I'll sober up in my cryotube. I'll be clean in six years and it'll only feel like six hours for me. It's a win-win."

"You mean a win-win-lose because that still means leaving behind your only living family member. Whatever happened to 'Sullys stick together?'"

Jake scoffs while taking a hand to rub his tired face, "You're not a kid anymore. You can make your own living, and start your own family. You don't need me and you definitely don't need this lifestyle. You could do anything with your life without your crippled brother holding you back--"

"Who died and made you the sole decision-maker of what I do with my life?"

"You're clearly leaving an opening for me to say 'everyone died.'"

She pointedly slammed her drink down on the window sill before she turned to walk away, "Fuck you."

"Kayla..." With his sister still exiting, Jake grabbed his wheelchair and made the motion to go after her, his arrogance and pent-up emotions now starting to boil over, "Hey! Kayla! What the hell do you want from me?!"

"I want to be the first choice!" She screams, whipping back around to point an accusing finger down at him, "For once! I have never been put first over anything else ever! Not with Mom or Dad. Not with Tommy. And now not even with you!"

The snarl he lets out startled even him, bitter coldness dripping from his words, "Grow up, Kayla."

"What, is it childish to feel wanted?"

"Yes! That's not how you survive out here!" He emphasizes this by swinging an arm in the direction of the window.

"Stomping down feelings and a need for your family will ensure your survival?"

"'A need for your family?'" He grins up at her, incredulous and in disbelief, "Do you even hear yourself? It's not like I'm your first choice for a caring older brother!"

"No, you're not. You're always drunk, mean, and miserable these days."

"Hence why you don't need me holding you back--"

"Shut the fuck up!" She roars back, "Only you can hold you back. So stop trying to sell me this bullshit excuse that you're not worth keeping around only so you can ditch me! Because that's what you really want, isn't it? To ditch your sister?"

The room is silent apart from both siblings trying to regain their breath and posture. Jake had a hard time admitting that his voice had cracked when he managed to tone down the volume, "... No matter how I answer that... it won't be an answer you like."

Pain flashed in her eyes, a visual that would continue to haunt Jake from that day forward. Kayla's dirty-colored hair spills over one shoulder as she straightens herself up, towering over Jake, the hurt quickly being replaced by a wall of cement that quickly hardened behind her blue eyes. Her face relaxed into an expression that slowly bubbled with anger instead of pain, her voice dripping with venom, "You're right. Because you're either leaving me here because you don't want me to watch you die, or you're leaving to start a new life without any reminders of me. Either way, you're a sick son of a bitch and I wish you died instead of Tommy! Go to Hell!"

For added measure, she takes her foot and kicks at his wheelchair, pushing Jake back as he rounds back with more hateful words, quick to defend and pity himself, "I'm already in Hell! Living here, breathing this air, looking like this! This whole place is fucking Hell and I'm sick of it! You can love life as much as you want and make the most of it, but it's still a dying dream! I hate it here! I'd rather blow my brains out on Pandora than here! At least there's something nice to look at when that happens!"

The silence is nearly deafening the apartment, Jake's ragged breaths of anger pounding in his ears as he glares up at Kayla. Spontaneous tears spilled out of her eyes the second Jake found the time to blink, her breaths shaking as she tried to control herself from letting out any pathetic noise resembling a sob. It was a struggle, to be sure, as Jake watched her entire composure slowly crumble and shake, trying to grasp whatever dignity she had left.

"I hate you..." the words sound forced out, but they stab Jake straight in the chest, nonetheless. Kayla's voice croaked as she continued the verbal lashing, "I hate you..." She furiously wipes away her tears with the collar of her dress shirt that she had worn for her big brother's funeral, "When I wake up tomorrow, you better be gone by then."

The pent-up rage had been released in a cold laugh under his breath as Jake tightly gripped his wheels, "How about I do us both a favor and leave now!"

He rolls past her and makes it to the door, letting it slide open for him with a bit of a struggle due to the little power left in the mechanics of it. He doesn't turn back as he aggressively wheels forward, calling over his shoulder, "Have a good life, kid."

"Fuck you, Jake."

Then the door slides shut once more.

A/N: If you didn't see up top, I already have a masterlist starting since I have three chapters of this fic already published on ao3. Please check it out and leave kudos and uplifting comments if you enjoy, thank you!

[rottingbite]

Fenzi/Doll House.

Tom Keifer is the owner of the doll store“Cinderella”.

The setting is that he has loved dolls since he was a child.

He loves the dolls in his shop, so he has no intention of selling them.

He loves the dolls on sale as if they were living things.

As a result, the employees (Jeff LaBar, Eric Brittingham, and Fred Coury) became so creepy with him that they left the store and moved elsewhere.

Employees rarely come to work at the store.

(However, I am curious about the store, so I sometimes observe the owner from a distance.)

One day, David Sylvian came to Tom's shop to buy a doll.

He asked Tom, "Do you have any dolls with beautiful faces?"

David went on to say.

『The most important part of a doll is its face』.

tom answered.

『The faces of the dolls in my shop are all good』.

『This is the one that looks the best!』

He said.The doll he brought out was an L.A. GUNS doll.

(※・・・In Japan, when the 〝face〟 is written in kanji, it can be read as "GUN", so it is a play on L.A.GUNS.)

However, David does not like the face of the L.A. GUNS doll and leaves the store angrily.

Next up is Paul Weller from the Style Council.

(※・・・He is nicknamed ``Check Man'' in this manga. I don't know why.)

Tom says to Paul.

『When it comes to checking dolls, I'm better than you.』

Paul ignores Tom's words and says to Tom,

『Now, here's a quiz. What is my favorite Japanese band?』

Tom answers easily.

『checkers』

Paul ran away in frustration.

Tom ignores Paul and loves Slash's doll.

Next, Jon Bon Jovi comes to the store.

Jon asks Tom.

『Do you have a stuffed animal like Bubbles?』

(※・・・Bubbles: Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee）

Tom brings out a Michael Jackson doll instead.

『How about a Michael Jackson doll instead?』

John is scared.

Tom：

『This doll's face has been remade many times, so it has cracks, but this is the only one I have.』

Jon：

『How much is it?』

Tom：

『500 million yen (approximately 4 million dollars)』

Jon leaves angrily

『Bye!』

Tom：

『It's half price sale now♪』

Jon：

『I don't need it!』

Eric says to tom

『Tom, you have to treat your customers well.』

Tom：

『The doll is more important to me than the customer.』

Tom wanders around the store carrying a Cure Robert Smith doll on his back.

Eric：

『Hey! Stop dressing like that at the store!.』

Tom：

『Why?』

Andy McCoy, formerly of Hanoi Rocks, comes to the store next.

Andy：

『Hi!』

Tom：

『Hi!』

Andy：

『It's a little early in the season, but I thought I'd buy a May(Satsuki) doll for my son.』

Tom：

『I have a doll that is just right. Mr. McCoy』

Tom offers Andy dolls of Robin Crosby and Joe Elliott dressed as samurai.

Andy：

『This doll's face looks like a beast.』

Tom：

『If that's the case, how about this doll?』

Tom offers a Duran Duran doll

Andy：

『Oh! great!』

Tom：

『The price is 500 million yen!』

Andy：

『Then I'll take out a 50-year loan.』

Tom：

『The down payment is 100 million yen!』

Eric：

『Tom, stop it! it's ugly!!』

Tom is silenced by Eric.

Andy：

『Hehehe... 5,000 yen is cheap.』

Eric：

『Thank you for your purchase』

Tom crying：

『Wooown, my doll was bought!!!』

Eric is stunned：

『・・・understand?』

However····

Three months later, Checkman Weller's doll shop 〝Checkers〟opened directly across from Tom's shop.

Paul：

『Fumiya(Lead vocalist of Japanese band “Checkers”)-kun’s dolls are not for sale.』

Tom finally became interested in business, the three employees returned, and the number of customers at the Cinderella store increased.

(As a result, thanks to Paul, the store was able to run normally, so Eric thanks Paul.)

The End.

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hot Summer Night - Sam Drake X GN Reader

Title: Hot Summer Night

Sam Drake X GN Reader

Additional Characters: Nathan (Mentioned), Elena (Mentioned), The roommates; Rick and Brendan

Requested by @bluewingedangel!

WC: 4,967

Warnings: Tension, sweat mentioned cause it's hot out, pinning, Uncharted canon violence mentioned, cursing, reality tv mentioned, video games mentioned, Sam being a cute gentleman cause he's in love, teasing, slight suggestiveness, taunting, the roommates have a sneaky suspicion, awkwardness, anxiety, fear of rejection, smoking mentioned, flirting, Rick is a danger to electronics, dare kiss, awkward confession, alcohol, Reader and Sam are drunk, #concent, hangover mentioned, slight angst, and fluff

It was hot. Too hot. One of your roommates accidentally broke the AC, and in a matter of half an hour, the entire apartment was hot. Sweltering... Yeah, that's a better word for it. You were sweating buckets, and it didn’t help that it was already a very hot day in the middle of the summer. You slouched on the couch, eyes half-lidded as you fanned yourself with a Dollar Store fan; Your shirt and shorts sticking uncomfortably to your skin. As you do this, the fan above you begins to make some strange noises. It was making a sort of buzzing sound. You furrowed your brows at the noise. The fan was old, it made noises all the time, and it didn't help that the apartment was old too.

You ignored the soft footsteps that wandered out from the hall, your brain half-processing the sound of one of your roommates, Brendan, walking into the kitchen and opening the fridge.

"God," He whined, "Why is it so hot in here?"

"Brendan, you know Rick broke the thermostat. You're not gonna get much more AC in here than what you can get outside." You said in a monotone voice, staring at the tv as Tom And Jerry played.

Brendan sighed, shutting the fridge, "Where is Rick?" He asked, wandering around to the couch, fanning himself with his hand as he watched the tv.

"I don't know..." You turned up the sound on the tv, "And I don't care." You leaned back against the slightly wet cushion, "Besides, he's committed treason, breaking our AC." You muttered, and Brendan pursed his lips.

"Alright… Where's Sam?" He then asked, and you rolled your eyes, glancing from the tv to the floor.

"He's at the corner store, getting ice cream." You continued to mutter, biting your lip.

Brendan let out a laugh, crossing his arms, "Well, he better hurry up, or that ice cream will be liquid once he gets back." He spoke, before heading back to his room. 

You let out a breath, shifting slightly in your seat. At the mention of Sam, you felt a familiar heat creep into your cheeks and ears. Sam was... Perfect. In every possible way. Even if sometimes he could be a little... Well, abrasive about certain things. He was still sweet, caring, and funny... You loved his brown hair and his brown eyes, you loved the small dimples that would appear when he smiled and the way his lips curled upward whenever he saw you. You loved him in all ways imaginable, but you were scared. Scared to admit your feelings for him, scared that you would ruin everything between the two of you. That was just a fear you couldn't shake off, no matter how hard you tried.

Sam was your best friend and had been for years after he got out of prison. You met him after his adventure to find the Tusk of Ganesh, ultimately accidentally joining him in another adventure to find the Goblet of Judgment in Madagascar. You remembered it as if it happened yesterday. One minute you were just minding your own business, and the next you were in the back of a Jeep, ducking from bullets. Once safe, you finally met Sam, who was driving the Jeep. Your first impression of Sam was that he was pretty charming, yet cocky, and you both hit it off, funnily enough. After that, you two became inseparable. You'd sometimes join him on treasure hunts, he'd take you out to dinner after most of them, and at some point, the two of you even got an apartment together; where you met your two other roommates, Brendan and Rick.

Hearing the door open, you glanced over to see Sam enter the apartment with two grocery bags in his hands. He kicked the door closed, placing the bags on the ground as he took off his shoes. Grabbing the bags, he glanced over to you, his eyebrows furrowing at how loud you had the tv. "You know, you'll go deaf if you keep that thing going," He said as he passed you to get to the kitchen, and you shrugged.

"So what?" You said, continuing to fan yourself. "The volume is good, I'm comfortable."

Sam chuckled slightly, knowing it was too hot for anyone to be comfortable, shaking his head and beginning to unpack. You heard him set his bags down on the table, before opening the fridge and putting the food away. He then walked over, looking at you, to the tv, and back to you; with a smile on his face. 

"How have you been since I left?" Sam asked, and you sighed dramatically.

"How do you think I've been?" You asked, too tired to even roll your eyes, "It's too hot."

"I know," Sam replied, sitting down next to you, his arm resting on the back of the couch behind your head, "Have you tried fixing the AC?" He asked and you let out a huff.

"You think I can fix that damn thing? No. We're doomed to forever swelt until we melt." You replied, letting your head fall back onto the couch.

Sam hummed, admiring you before speaking, "Want ice cream?" He suggested, rubbing your shoulder gently, even his touch warmed you, but you had no heart to push him away; no matter how hot it was, "Maybe that'll cool you down." You groaned again.

"Not cool enough." You mumbled, and you heard Sam chuckle.

"Man, you're so hot when you're hot." He teased, making you cross your arms, hoping he didn't notice how much his words and touch got to you. "Well then," He reached forward, brushing your sticky hair out of your face, "I'm going to get you a cold rag and us two some ice cream." As he got up and left for the kitchen again, you let out a silent sigh. This man was going to be the death of you.

~~~

It was half past nine, the moon was high in the sky and the air was still thick with humidity. All four of you were sprawled out on various pieces of furniture throughout the living room. You and Sam were slouched on the couch while Rick lay stretched across the recliner. Brendan sat crisscrossed, on the beanbag.

"How are you not dying?" You asked Sam, eyes raking over his attire; a plain t-shirt and gray sweats, and only a light layer of sweat on his brow.

"Yeah, man," Rick spoke, holding a cool can of soda on his forehead. "How are you not dying?"

Sam shrugged, his arms crossed behind his head, "I've traveled the world in the hot sun for years, I guess my body's just used to it." 

You pouted, glaring at the ground as you mimicked him in a low voice, “I guess my body's just used to it. I hate you.” You said half-heartedly, as Sam just smirked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh, you love me.” He teased you, as you let out a dramatic sigh, as he continued to speak, “It’s true though, after a while your body just gets used to the heat to a degree.” At the word, 'body' you couldn't help but glance over at Sam, biting your lip as your eyes roamed over his muscular frame. Sam caught you staring and gave you a grin. "What're you looking at?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow. You blushed, turning your head away quickly and clearing your throat.

"Nothing." You replied, and Sam snorted. "Just that I can't believe you're not dying. No matter how much you galavant in hot forests for treasure, you can't not be dying."

Sam didn't reply, only smirking as he gazed at you for a moment longer before looking at the tv. Sam had to look away before he got caught staring at you, though, because there was no telling if Rick or Brendan noticed. Brendan did seem to notice something though, as he looked toward Sam and raised an eyebrow. But Sam ignored him, his mind drifting back to you. 

Sam loved you, and there wasn't any doubt in his mind that he did. He had come to terms with the realization a long time ago, almost four years, and there was this constant craving to hold you close and whisper sweet nothings into your ear. But he wanted to do this right, and take his time. You weren’t like the other relationships he has had in the past. You were one of a kind. But he had a lingering fear, he was scared that if he did tell you that he loved you, he would lose you forever. And he knew if that happened, nothing would be what it used to be. The both of you would be awkward and uncomfortable around each other, and you probably wouldn't talk to him ever again. 

Sam tried to ignore his fears, knowing that he was probably overreacting, so he just sat back, thinking about when he first met you. Remembering how your hair moved in the wind as you dramatically waved your hands in the air as you spoke, demanding he’d tell you why those men were shooting at him. Sam knew you would become a huge part of his life, even though he had met you minutes before, after he had saved you from crossfire; you being a victim of 'wrong place, wrong time'. He knew. And Sam was right. In the end, you joined Sam on his treasure-hunting adventure, and during that adventure, Sam had grown closer to you, and vice versa. 

On the adventure, you both got to know each other. You find out he had a younger brother, Nathan. Even though the adventure for the treasure only lasted another couple days, in the end, both you and Sam felt as if you had known each other your entire lives; a friendship quickly bloomed. During the trip, you find out just how charming Sam really was, his constant flirting and sense of humor sent butterflies erupting in your stomach and you couldn’t hide the smile that would end up on your face. Sam felt as if he finally found someone who understood him, besides his brother. Someone who didn’t judge him or make him feel bad about his past; someone who he felt that he could trust wholeheartedly. 

You spent nights in crappy motels, Sam retelling stores from his past adventures and all the artifacts he found or tried to find. He even told you about Captain Avrey, and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and warmth when he looked over at you, seeing how enraptured you were by the story; he had your full attention, even more so when he showed you the coin. Sam never stopped impressing you, he was incredibly smart, knowing more languages than you did, and he had such a heart of gold. You were so captivated by the man before you as he retold his adventures or the meaning behind that bird tattoo. You thought he was incredible, and you were lucky enough to call him a friend.

And a great, amazing friend he was. You’d do everything together, as said before. You’d sometimes go out to eat together, or go to clubs or bars for a drink. On slow, calm weekends, you would both go on walks around the nearby parks, feeding ducks when you could. As the seasons of Spring and Summer came and left, and Autumn made the leaves fall, you would both make pumpkin pie or play Crash Bandicoot. And when Winter finally came, you’d go out in the snow, Sam reluctantly building a snowman with you; but secretly he loved making you happy.

No matter where, you went everywhere, and did everything together. (You even tried ice skating together, and watched in awe and envy as Sam glided gracefully on the ice while you waddled like Bambi).

And at his brother and sister-in-law’s party, Sam knew that he was in love with you. He watched as you spoke with his brother, getting along great with him, it was all he ever wanted; his best friend getting along with his brother. And that made Sam fall harder than he already had. It was like he was in slow-motion, tunnel-vision, as you wandered around the party. He was lost in thought, watching as you held a glass of champagne, taking sips as you talked with someone Sam didn't quite catch. He was pulled from his thoughts as you turned towards him, giving him a small breathtaking smile from across the room before returning to the conversation. Sam felt his heart skip a beat and his breath hitch; he didn't realize how deeply in love he really was with you until that night. 

~~~

Rick pushed down the recliner, sitting up with a sigh, "We should do something." He spoke up, glancing between his two friends before settling his gaze on you, "Something besides sitting here and watching bad reality TV."

"Hey," You protested, glaring over at your friend, "Bad reality television is not bad reality television. It's a classic! Plus, it's better than whatever crap comes on Netflix these days."

“Except Wednesday.” Brendan commented, and you smiled giving him a high five in agreement. "And, Rick," Brendan continued, "I like Sister Wives." He jutted out his bottom lip.

Rick rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulders in response to Brendan's statement, and you shook your head. "Whatever. What do you suggest we do then?" Rick asked.

Brendan paused for a moment, "Well, maybe we could all grab a bite at Mcdonalds'?" He suggested, and Sam sputtered a laugh.

"Yeah, no, I don't think so. I didn't spend an hour in that damn heat grabbing groceries just to go out again and get hot food." Sam spoke and you glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.

"I thought the heat didn't bother you anyway?" You asked and Sam nudged your arm.

"You know what I mean." He spoke, looking over at Rick and Brendan, "Besides, I bought enough food for salad."

"Well, I am not hungry." You spoke up, moving the slightly warm wet rag on your neck, "I'm too hot to eat." Sam nudged you again, gaining your attention to wiggle his eyebrows, making you huff and nudge him in the arm back. 

"We should play a game," Rick spoke, and you grabbed the remote, pausing the show.

"What do you suggest then, Ricky?" You asked, "And it better be a good suggestion. I am this close to jumping into a cold shower." You spoke, pinching your pointer finger and thumb together. 

"I'd love to join you." Sam teased, making you give him another hard swat on the arm, which made him cackle.

"Shut up." You said, throwing the damp cloth at him, and you saw him dodge it easily; the rag landing on the floor.

"Anyways, we could play Mario Kart," Brendan spoke up, leaning forward.

"Nah, we can't, remember? Rick broke the XBox." You spoke, "Because Rick hates us and loves breaking things."

Sam nodded, agreeing, "Just to spite us." He tutted. 

Rick placed a hand on his chest, feigning offense, "Excuse me, I have a heart, you know! It was an accident."

"Fine, what about truth or dare?" Brendan suggested, and Sam rolled his eyes.

"What are you? Five?" Sam asked and Brendan groaned, shaking his head.

"Yeah, we playing or what?" Rick asked, only for no one to respond. 

After a few beats of silence, you stood. "I'll get the drinks."

"I'll make the salad," Sam spoke, following you to the kitchen.

"And I'll turn on some music," Rick spoke, grabbing his phone, and Bluetooth it to the speaker.

"No musicals, Rick!" Sam called out from the kitchen, and you chuckled.

Rick scoffed, "That's not fair."

~~~

An hour into the game, you, Sam, and Rick were as drunk as skunks. From the game so far, Sam was dared to chug the rest of one of his beers in less than three seconds, Rick confessed that he really liked The Powerpuff Girls, Brendan confessed that he really wants to start a family someday, and you were dared to eat a giant spoonful of ice cream until you got a brain freeze. Your cheeks were flushed, and your eyes were closed, you could feel yourself slowly slipping away, hearing the sound of Brendan and Sam laughing after Rick dared him to lick the bottom of his shoe. Rick didn't do it, but he was pretty close to it.

"Wakey wakey, sleeping beauty." Sam teased, poking your cheek gently, and you shot upright.

"Huh? What? Where are we?" You mumbled, sitting up on the couch, as Sam took another sip of his third or fourth beer.

"Still at home, sweetheart. Playing this god-awful game."

Rick let out a laugh, twirling the empty beer bottle on the ground, watching it spin as it slowly landed on Brendan. Rick turned to Brendan, giving him a tipsy smile, "Truth or dare, Bren?"

"Truth." Brendan responded, glancing over at Rick, who began fiddling with his shirt buttons, feeling hotter and hotter. 

"Who do you like best in this room?" Rick asked as Brendan furrowed his eyebrows.

"Um, what? Who do I like best?" Brendan asked and Rick nodded. "Well, I guess I like Y/N best." He spoke, making Sam and Rick frown as you fist-bumped the air. "What?" Brendan raised an eyebrow, "Y/N didn't break the AC, and Y/N didn't forget to start the washer." He spoke, glancing at Sam who took his turn to foreign offense. 

"That was one time!"

"Alright, alright, Brendan, spin." You waved a hand towards the bottle, as Brendan reached out to spin it. Watching the bottle spin around, your eyes widened as you realized where the spinning was going. As soon as the bottle stopped spinning, it landed on you, pointing to you. Your jaw dropped open as you looked down at the bottle. You turned your head towards the boys, seeing their smirking faces, and laughed. "Okay, okay, please, go easy on me?" You pleaded and Brendan smiled and shook his head, laughing at your reaction.

"So, truth or dare, (Y/N)?" He asked, turning his body towards yours.

"Dare." You answered, placing your hand on your forehead, pretending you were about to faint.

"You say go easy, eh? I dare you..." He trailed off, staring at you for a second as he pretended to think. You waited patiently, waiting for him to come up with something, "To kiss someone."

Your eyes widened, and you stared at him for a moment. "What?" Your heart stopped. Was this really happening? Had you heard him right?

"Kiss someone." He repeated, grinning widely as he leaned closer, resting his elbows against his knees. You blinked once. Twice. Three times. 

You bit your lip, side-glancing towards Sam briefly before surging forward to press a blink-and-you'll-miss-it kiss to Sam's cheek. Sitting back in your seat, you tried to ignore the 'oohs' as Rick spoke.

"Why didn't you kiss me?" He asked and you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the feeling of Sam's eyes on you.

"Sam didn't break the AC." Your answer only made Brendan point at himself.

"What about me?" He asked and you huffed. 

"Sam didn't dare me to kiss someone." Your reply was short and simple, making the two boys frown. 

Rick glanced over at Brendan briefly, raising an eyebrow before he over-dramatically yawned, stretching his arms high in the air. "Well, I am pooped, so I'm gonna hit the hay." He said, standing up.

"Me too," Brendan said, standing up as well and heading for his room, "See you guys in the morning." He gave you a small wave and disappeared down the hall.

Sam stayed seated on the couch, his eyes still trained on you as you shifted uncomfortably under the weight of his stare. You cleared your throat, trying to make eye contact. "I... Uh, I'm sorry about that. I should've asked you first before just- ah- doing that." You muttered, averting your gaze from Sam and towards the floor, your hands in your lap nervously. 

Sam snapped out of his daze, clearing his throat, "No, uh, it- it's fine. Just a game." He spoke and you nodded, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Just a game." You mimicked, agreeing. 

It was quiet for a bit, just the two of you listening to the music playing through the speakers as you both drank. Slowly the awkwardness sizzled away, and you and Sam began to talk again, just about everything and anything. You giggled, placing a hand over your mouth after Sam told you a funny story about Nathan. The liquid courage was flowing through your veins, helping you forget how nervous you were, allowing you to gain the courage to sit basically hip to hip with Sam on the Old Navy couch. Sam's arm was wrapped across the back of the couch like earlier, his fingers brushing through strands of your hair playfully as he drank his beer in his other hand. His own cheeks were flushed, a grin on his face as he gazed down at you. You returned his smile, resting your head against his shoulder, causing him to shiver slightly even though it was still ungodly hot.

"Truth or dare?" Sam then suddenly asked, making you smile slightly.

You let out a small laugh, "Truth or- Sam, the game's over." You slightly slurred your words. "Besides, it's my turn."

Sam licked his lips slowly, thinking hard before he just shifted in his seat, facing you with a determined expression, "Fine," His voice was soft, "Truth." He answered, making you laugh as you shook your head,

"Sammy, I didn't even ask you." You laughed out, nudging him teasingly.

Sam shrugged, smirking down at you, "Too late. Truth."

You sighed with a grin, "Fine, are you gonna stop smoking?"

He nodded, looking away, "Uh... No?" You frowned slightly,

"Sam." You said quietly, glancing over at him with pleading eyes. "It's bad for you. You gotta stop."

"Don't tell me what to do, sweetheart." Sam retorted teasingly, trying to laugh off his sudden nerves. 

"Sam." You warned him.

"Come on, it's hard." He argued.

"Oh, I know, Sammy." You pouted. "But you have to quit, Sam. It will kill you." You stated simply.

Sam pursed his lips as he stared at you, grabbing his beer, he spoke before taking another sip, "I'll think about it... Only for you." And just like that, you were in a fit of giggles. "Okay, okay," Sam chuckled at your state, his own mind rather dazed and fuzzy as he reached over to pull you closer to him, making you groan and push at his side slightly.

"Ew, sweaty man, gross." You complained with a giggle. "And gross, I can't breathe with you pressed all over me like this."

Sam just laughed as he continued holding you close to him, nuzzling the top of your head lovingly. "We're already sweaty, babe, why not be sweaty together?" 

You smiled up at him, booping his nose as you spoke, "You're gross but it's your turn." You tried to reach for another beer but couldn't reach, opting to just give up with an annoyed huff. 

Sam chugged the rest of his beer, his head feeling light, as he let out a small laugh, "Truth or dare?"

You giggled, rolling your eyes, "Truth?" You guessed.

"If I kissed you right now… Would you kiss me back?" Sam suddenly asked, his deep voice rumbling through his chest. You blinked, once... Twice, until you tilt your head towards Sam, confused. Either you were so drunk your mind was playing tricks, or Sam really did ask that.

"What?" You asked, feeling yourself slightly sober up, as your mind raced and your heart started beating faster than a hummingbird.

"Would you kiss me back?" Sam repeated softly, almost shyly as his brown eyes met yours. You felt your cheeks heat up as you swallowed thickly, licking your dry lips.

"Yeah..." You breathed and you could see Sam's breath hitch at your response. "But you're drunk Sammy. Hell, I'm drunk."  You added with a chuckle, trying to ease your pounding heart.

Sam leaned in closer to you, making you close your eyes as his lips gently brushed against your own. "Y/N." He whispered, almost pleading.

You let out a shaky sigh, your nose brushing against his again as you reached up to place your hands on his stubbly cheeks. "I would love to kiss you, Sam." You spoke as you felt him grin, "But, I'm scared." You whispered, your eyes memorizing every line and freckle on his face.

He pulled back slightly, opening his eyes, "Of what?" He asked, his warm breath hitting your cheek and you smiled at his closeness.

"That if I kiss you, it would end up being a one-time thing." You explained, looking into his chocolatey brown eyes. "I know that you have had many... Relationships... And I know we have been friends for years... I don't want to mess this up..." You let out another shaky breath, "I don't want my heart to break." You admitted.

Sam closed his eyes, nodding slightly as he took a few seconds to think about it. "Well," He licked his lips, looking at you. "I promise I won't break your heart, Y/N," Sam assured you and you looked up at him, biting your bottom lip as you studied the way his eyes seemed to sparkle. Your thumbs traced the lines of his jaw, watching as his Adam's apple bobbed along with his swallow. You watched his lips part and his teeth gnaw on them before he spoke. "I- I love you, sweetheart." He confessed, making you gasp softly, your eyes wide open as you processed his words. Sam noticed your reaction and instantly regretted saying it, "Damn it, I shouldn't-" Before he could finish his sentence, you moved your hands to grab his brown t-shirt, leaning in and pressing another kiss to his cheek, his eyes fluttering shut when you broke apart.

You kept your forehead against Sam's, closing your eyes as you let out a sigh of relief, "I love you too, Sammy. So much." You murmured softly. Sam opened his eyes and grinned. "But we're really drunk. So, how about in the morning we talk about this further?" You asked, a playful grin on your face.

Sam chuckled softly, shaking his head, "Sounds good to me." He spoke, his big hands covering yours.

~~~

The next morning, you immediately cringed, the sun shining through your windows as you stretched your limbs out on the bed. Your mind was thumping painfully, the hangover making itself known. After drinking the whole night and staying up talking with Sam, you eventually fell asleep, your head resting comfortably against Sam's chest. All you could remember was the truth or dare game and Sam's confession. You didn't remember walking to your room, so you guessed Sam had brought you to bed, which made you smile. 

Trying to ignore your headache, you let out a dreamy sigh. Your entire being felt giddy as you played over the hazy confession of Sam's. He loves you... Sam loves you! This was a huge weight off your shoulders, and you couldn't help but feel so happy at your realization. Getting up, you walked out of your room, sighing in relief as the AC kicked on. Sliding into the kitchen, you found Sam cooking at the stove, making a late breakfast. You leaned against the doorway, letting your eyes rake over him, feeling your heart skip a beat at the sight. God, he was so beautiful, you thought with a blush. You watched him cook for a moment longer before you cleared your throat, startling him slightly as he turned around and gave you a gentle smile.

"Morning, gorgeous." He greeted you softly, sliding water and ibuprofen over to you.

You smiled in thanks, swallowing the pills and drinking the water. "Morning, Sammy." You replied.

Sam gave you a soft smile, leaning back against the counter as he looked down at you, "So... Last night?" He queried with raised eyebrows.

You bit your lip nervously, "Yeah?"

"Well, you sleep alright?" He asked, trying to calm his racing heart as you nodded with a small shy smile.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. Slept well." You chuckled softly, and Sam nodded.

"Well, good, good. Uh, yeah... That's good." He stumbled slightly over his words. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, giving you a nervous smile. 

You walked over, standing before him with a smile, "Sam, you're staring."

"Can you blame me?" He mumbled, chuckling slightly. You grinned mischievously, as Sam reached up and cupped your cheeks, pulling himself down so he was at eye level with you. 

"No." You whispered as he leaned forward, capturing your lips in his. You eagerly reciprocated and kissed back, deepening it as you wrapped your arms around his waist. One of his hands reached out and ran through your hair, tugging at a strand as you moaned into his mouth, your body leaning against his as you kissed. Eventually, you pulled away for air, panting heavily and grinning happily as you looked up into Sam's dark eyes. "You stink." You chuckled, laughing at how he pouted at your comment.

"I love you too." He teased, kissing your forehead gently.

You rolled your eyes playfully, leaning your head into his shoulder, and wrapping your arms around his neck. "I know." You said with a smug look. You shut your eyes, snuggling your chest into his chest, becoming engulfed in his smoke and sweat scent. It was nice... Comfortable. It was so Sam. The smell comforted you. "I love you too."

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

Tom nooks gotta be the richest man alive because like he builds you an entire three story house and makes you pay like 50000 dollars in total (since bells are equivalent to yen- one hundred bells is Very roughly one dollar, and I’ve actually seen Japanese game designers literally localise the currency in their name by lopping off the last two digits and switching the symbol but that’s neither here note there) and he pays you fifty quid for a tarantula like who is he selling a poisonous animal to? he’s basically paying you to hang out with him but being polite and calling it business like he’s Not making a profit on any of this at All he's just spending all his money vibing in a small town and giving the residents absurd discounts. which makes him an infinitely funnier character. he’s just a lonely middle age depressed man who wants you to hang out at his store and gives you money for random worthless shit to keep up the facade of being a cunning amoral businessman. and it worked so well people thofuht he was evil.

[omegaremix]

The Great Vinyl Purge.

I had a funny feeling during my last music-shopping victory spree. When I furiously dug and came across certain titles, I constantly paused on myself wondering if I already had them in my collection. Dollar records make way for hasty decisions and later regretted when you come home to see those same titles you purchased already in your library.

I audited my shelves to see doubles I didn’t realize I once had. Money well spent if only the first time. After that, you’re donating to your local record stores. That’s what’s called charity. With me buying vinyl faster than a cheetah hunting down his prey, I’m running out of space. I’m not realizing I’m spending money on records I already have, so they had to go. There were many impulse purchases made thanks to low price tags, a kick for the classics, and very little care of the artist other than the year they were made.

There were many duplicates from artists I’m familiar with. Components from my Atari and Nintendo youth in Belinda Carlisle (The Go-Go’s) and Phil Collins (Genesis), jazz-fusion artists Tom Scott and Ramsay Lewis, and an extra from Minnie Riperton. The Doors’ Greatest Hits had to go as I mistakenly bought a copy recently before the purge, and one from France Joli that I shouldn’t have had because I tried finding a song that wasn’t on there.

Not only did I take the duplicates out, but I also took records out of my collection I never listened to. Two titles from The Who and Melba Montgomery that I purchased at an Amityville veteran’s hall left the library because I literally never played them. Doobie Brothers, Nicolette Larson, and many children’s records rescued from a sidewalk dump from people who didn’t know better. They had to go. A few days later I woke up one morning and asked myself why I have almost the entire vinyl discography of Seals & Croft and The 5th Dimension?

And then these three: Al Jolson, M.C. Osso, and Justin Wilson …Meets Jean (John) Barleycorn. Those were three records my dad found ages ago from another stack tossed out for the morning pick-up. That was when I was oblivious to vinyl and record collecting. Hell, we didn’t have a turntable back then. How did I somehow keep them and why did I keep a fucking cajun comedy (?) record? I was better than this.

**********

Now that the vinyl purge was over, what did I do? I had no time creating a Discogs and wait for these records to be sold piece by piece. No record-stores would take them as the children’s records are water-damaged with dry mold. The only other option? Take the easy way out and give them to someone who appreciates them. Why? Friends and family had been charitable to me in the past. A no-longer-staffer of WUSB announced a roll-call for a huge vinyl giveaway donated to me, and later on most of those same records went to Syke. That’s the same Syke who ended up donating me some of his records he found in front of someone’s house; a customer of his who took her entire collection and threw them out in front of the curb. Not me. I give my gifts to a good home.

Once my dad found a collection of polka records and took them home. “What the fuck is this?” I asked him. There’s no way I’d be caught dead and Wee-Gee’d with polka records. Good thing this was right before WUSB’s 35th anniversary. I knew our resident polka lady Theresa was attending, so I donated my stacks to her. Problem solved. Caring is sharing and it goes both way, that is…when you’re not throwing your entire library out in the street.

So I gave them to J-Ro, host of WUSB’s Radio Free J-Ro, archivist, and vinyl fanatic. I dropped them off at the station in October and told him to come get it. He took home Carly Simon’s self-titled, Minnie Riperton’s Perfect Angel, Ramsay Lewis’ Tequila Mockingbird, Herb Alpert’s Rise, and whatever 5th Dimension records he didn’t have already. So that’s only 5% of the stack. As of now, most of it is still there. It’s now WUSB’s as far as I’m concerned. We have the space. Let ‘em deal with it.

Here’s all I parted with to make way for more records and books of my liking. Malcomb Forbes did say: “he / she who dies with the most toys wins.” Sometimes, it’s the nicer shinier ones that get you the victory.

France Joli: Now!

Tom Scott: Blow It Out

Paul Simon: Still Crazy After All These Years

Doobie Brothers, The: Minute By Minute

Phil Collins: Face Value

Carly Simon: self-titled

Minnie Riperton: Perfect Angel

Ramsay Lewis: Tequila Mockingbird

Herb Alpert: Rise

Belinda Carlisle: Belinda

Al Jolson & Oscar Levant: Songs And Comedy

M.C. Osso: Umbra Penumbra

Justin Wilson:  Justin Wilson Meets Jean (John) Barleycorn

Doors, The: Greatest Hits

Who, The: It’s Hard

Melba Montgomery: Don’t Let The Good Times Fool You.

Seals & Crofts: Unborn Child, The Longest Road, Diamond Girl, Closer, Summer Breeze, Greatest Hits, self-titled.

5th Dimension, The: Greatest Hits On Earth, Greatest Hits, Up Up And Away, Stoned Soul Picnic, The Age Of Aquarius, Portrait

[off-color-darkrai]

Tom Sawyer Island should Not be turned into a cars ride...

So this is basically a continuation of a previous post about Splash Mountain's rethemeing so if you want to see that first, check it out here

Anyway here's the rest.

The 'Splash Mountain' debacle is still an ongoing conversation topic in my friend group, and it was brought to my attention that D23 still stinks and they're doing more stupid, planning on redesigning Tom Sawyer Island for Cars...

Cars? CARS?! IN Frontier land?!?!

Have you lost what little thought you had in your skulls?!?

No, just, no.

I do agree Tom Sawyer Island needs work, but not cars. No, not after you just spent millions of dollars draining, patching, refurbishing, and refilling the 'rivers of the America's'. No.

They should retheme the island to be Tiana themed... Let me explain...

What people want from a princess and the frog locale isn't a ride, it's a restaurant! A jazzy Cajun restaurant that looks like the movie. So build Tiana's Palace (I learned recently it was palace, not place) on one side of Tom Sawyer Island, near the water, so at night you can light it up and people can hear the jazz music. If you position it right you can even make sure it's in the sightline from Fantasy land, keeping immersion up.

Now, this'll make some people upset, but make the restaurant basically reservation only. Tom Sawyer Island is sizeable, but not built for massive lines like that. It also means they can monitor safety better. The check in kiosk would be on the mainland, and you would be taken over to the restaurant on one of the rafts. This would also be how you leave the restaurant, or you can exit to the rest of the island.

That's right, I mentioned the rest of the island!

Tom Sawyer Island in it's current iteration is mostly used by parents for the parents to take a break from the rest of the park, while the kids can run around and explore in a contained, relatively safe environment. And honestly, fair.

So right outside Tiana's Palace they should build a small New Orleans style street, with false overhead balconies for shade, and a lot of chairs and tables. There should be a vendor for some of the easier/smaller/snackier food items found in the actual restaurant, like bennies or fried gator bits(sorry lewis) or small cups of gumbo. None of the buildings would be actual shops, mostly there for Disney's various storage or maintenance purposes, but there should be some kiosks like at the bazaar in adventure land and some that sell items specific to the island (the kiosks would also cut down on rambunctious kids running through stores willy nilly) Access to the rest of the Island besides the restaurant would come from the other raft, and (if they can manage it) the building of a dock for the Liberty Belle, which would also make the Liberty Belle more popular, and give better wheelchair access, as well as another evacuation point in case of emergency.

What about the kids? Well, with the rest of the island pretty much leave it as is, with a couple minor rethemes, but replace the fort with Mama Oddies Boat(make the cliff it's on look like the tree) and fix up the playground. They can even make it slightly interactive if they want. Sneak a few light changing things and voice lines in there!

Finally, if they do all this, keep the island open until a little after dark, so people can really appreciate the lights and the music.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk... But seriously, I might post a thing about how a brother bear ride would play out later, and update this with some sketches, who's to say.

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin #36:

Love Has No Pride

My local record store is hard at work purging $5 titles from table top bins and dooming them to the higgeldy piggeldy Dollar Bins beneath. Are you longing for some Neil Diamond or Captain and Tennille? Well, you're in luck: you can seize their entire 70's catalogs for 93 pre-tax cents a piece. I've passed altogether on both artists so far, but who knows, maybe one day I'll discover that corpulent dogs, medalions and chest hair are the keys to great music.

I got gleefully down on my knees last week and combed through it all, emerging with 15 titles for 15 bucks. Here's the hoard:

Will I ever actually listen to Melanie's first record or Linda Ronstadt wingman Andrew Gold's attempt at a solo album? Maybe? Will I make good on my long ago promise to listen to an unmelted version of Art Garfunkel's Watermark? Someday.

I did listen to Poco's first record, which you can see above, with some anticipation: my famous brother recently recommended it as, basically, another Buffalo Springfield record. But when my eldest daughter asked me to please turn it the hell off I eagerly complied. It sounded more than un poco terrible.

But the treasure, so far, from this latest Dollar Bin haul are three Bonnie Raitt records from the 70's.

Raitt's Nick of Time was a big deal when I first discovered as a kid that VH1 was often less terrifying than MTV. And so I developed an early bias against Bonnie that still lingers. She didn't look like Janet Jackson or sing Tom Petty; plus I was uncomfortable with a lady having some gray hair while rocking the blues: 13 years old boys can be sexist little brats.

But I'm a guy who likes to second guess my biases, and so when I came upon her titles last week in the Dollar bin I remembered that Raitt is friends with Ronstadt and I know have more gray hair than Raitt. And so, I figured, what the hell did I have to lose for 93 cents?

And that brings us to today's topic: Eric Kaz's 70's torch song Love Has No Pride. Is it an essential piece of the 70's musical expression? Probably not. The song's a bit overwrought and features some regrettable nonsense about wishing you could buy your beloved's affections; either Kaz wasn't familiar with the song and/or concept Can't Buy Me Love, which seems pretty damn unlikely, or he wished his lady in question would give up her day job and become a woman of ill repute, which is hopefully not the deal, or he just ran out of things to say and grabbed at something silly.

For what it's worth, if you are gonna involve female sex workers in your music I recommend you either get weird and have them bend down to tie the laces of your shoe or go full Ringo and call them women of the night with a big silly grin.

Even so, Love Has No Pride clearly resonated with the record buying public in the early 70's as Raitt, Ronstadt and then Rita Coolidge each issued complimentary versions of the track between 71 and 74. Let's consider them in reverse chronological order, beginning with Coolidge's effort on what may be her best record, Fall Into Spring.

I want to start with Rita, whose records unfairly clog up many a Dollar Bin, because her version of Love Has No Pride is surely why the song dwells in my bones. Coolidge was in my extended family when I was born as she and Kris Kristofferson were still married and Kris, as you can read elsewhere, is my mother's cousin. And so I grew up utterly familiar with Rita's smokey smolder of a voice from my mom's 8 tracks and country radio.

I have no memory of ever actually meeting her, and I doubt I ever did. I was surely left with a babysitter on the rare occasion when my folks hung out with Kris and Rita because, after all, drunken debauchery, which was the performers' calling card, doesn't mix well with babies, especially homely looking ones. And I was mighty homely.

Anyway, take a listen to Rita's version: it's stately and elegant; nothing is forced and nothing is too complicated.

Nice huh? Coolidge consistently drags at the pace, indifferent to anyone who could ever rush her. And by the end we need reminders that she's got an ace band around her: everything in this song centers on Rita and we can't blame the cat on the cover for trying to claim her full attention.

It was a pretty gutsy move on Coolidge's part to record the track; after all, two years earlier Linda Ronstadt had ignored its torch song potential and instead lit up an entire barn. Listen to her throw everything at the tune: we've got back up singers, galloping percussion, 16 different guitar sounds, emerging strings and, at the center of it all, like a detonating star, her own titanic voice.

Ronstadt is one of my favorite singers of all time, and her take on Love Has No Pride is always welcome on my turntable. That said, I prefer Coolidge's slower, simpler arrangement, and I suspect Linda did too. After putting out her version of Love Has No Pride Linda let go of female backing choirs altogether and let a new producer, Peter Asher, help her streamline her arrangements in honor of her voice and solo gesture.

And so, now you know: Rita's take came through the bars of my crib and my own kids grew up with Linda's.

But The Dollar Bin is a mighty force, and it holds many secrets. And, until this last week, Raitt's original take from 71 was one of them.

And maybe, just maybe, her version is the best of the bunch:

Raitt sings the song so simply. Barns don't catch fire, torches are not lit. Instead we've got sweet picking, gurgling bass and a brave woman giving us some straight talk about how she feels and who she loves.

Wow. Bonnie Raitt, people! I'll race you back to those Dollar Bins; looks like it's time to track down the rest of her 70's catalog.

[fruitchouli]

can you talk more about no. 4711?? i was given a free sample of it in a store in vienna when i was 8 but haven't smelled or heard of it since, i had no idea it was well known

it’s really famous it’s called the original eau de cologne and it very clearly influenced the modern edc market and general citrus aromatic fragrances. like tom ford neroli portofino. but 4711 only costs a few dollars. it’s like the fragrance equivalent of splashing ur face with ice cold water, it’s not meant to last, just to provide a momentary relief from heat and humidity. it’s wonderful after a shower. some people keep it in the fridge so it’s even more refreshing and invigorating on their skin on a hot summer’s day. kind of a must have..

[handeaux]

During The Off-Season, The Old Cincinnati Reds Had Some Curious Side Hustles

It’s coming on World Series time, yet again without the presence of the Cincinnati Reds. As the die-hard fans turn their attention to the hot-stove league or the minutia of their fantasy teams, few give a thought to how today’s players spend the off-season.

In the early 1900s, every professional baseball team enjoyed a post-season romp. The happy few battled it out for World Series honors. But the also-rans kept playing on barnstorming tours, competing with amateur or semi-pro teams for a week or two after the final official game. Once this last hurrah was done, the players scattered to their side hustles.

Not that they needed the money. Rookies earned something like $1,800 in 1900 while stars pulled down $4,000 or more, and those figures translate to $64,000 to $140,000 in today’s dollars. Usually their off-season jobs were an investment in the future, when the pro years ended. Winter jobs were often far removed from the skills required on the diamond.

Reds second baseman Ed Phelps, for example, spent his winters earning a degree in business. Bob Ewing, who pitched for the Reds from 1902 to 1909, scurried home to Wapakoneta each fall to oversee his farm devoted to breeding champion harness-racing horses. Charlie Chech lasted only four years in the majors, pitching in 1905 and 1906 for the Reds, so it’s a good thing he was able to work winters as a pharmacist in St. Paul. Jack Ryder of the Cincinnati Enquirer reported [26 October 1905]:

“Chech is a graduate of the pharmacy department of the University of Wisconsin and is a practical druggist. He has bought an interest in one of the leading drugstores of St. Paul and will spend the winter mixing prescriptions and selling the festive tooth brush, the dry, deceptive sponge and the innocuous drugstore cigar.”

Orval Overall pitched for Cincinnati in 1905 and 1906 and wintered in California, where he helped manage his family’s hotel and fruit ranch. John Barry wandered through Cincinnati twice during a decade in the majors, and spent the off-season coaching football at Niagara University, his alma mater.

Pitcher Tom Walker (1904-05) clerked winters in a Philadelphia clothing store and had a reputation for up-selling hand-me-down suits. According to the Cincinnati Post [2 December 1904]:

“Tom is said to be a wonder, and able to hand out a line of talk about ‘all wool and fast dye’ in a most convincing fashion.”

Miller Huggins was a local boy, who grew up in Walnut Hills and earned a law degree from the University of Cincinnati. After 13 years as a second baseman, he went on to manage the St. Louis Cardinals and the New York Yankees during their glory years in the Twenties. Throughout much of his career, Huggins partnered with Cliff Martin to run a tobacconist’s shop. Per the Enquirer [9 November 1907]:

“Miller Huggins is handling the festive coffin nail, the flagrant ‘two-fer,’ and the lordly ten-center, at his popular smokehouse on Fountain Square.”

Outfielder Fred Odwell’s four years in “The Bigs” were spent in Cincinnati, but his financial future lay in the Empire State. According to the Enquirer:

“Fred Odwell owns a large quarry at his home in Downsville, N.Y., which he superintends during the winter, while his brother looks after the work during the summer. The business is a paying one, and Oddie is well provided for when his ball-playing days are over.”

Apparently, the grass was greener working for Uncle Sam, because Odwell, after a stint as a real estate broker, landed an appointment as postmaster for Downsville.

Hans Lobert logged five years as an infielder for the Reds while he built houses as a carpenter and contractor in Pittsburgh over the winter months. The Reds made something of a fuss about one of their 1907-08 pitchers, Andy Coakley, attending dental school on the East Coast, but it didn’t take. Coakley spent most of his post-playing career running a New York insurance agency while coaching baseball at Columbia University. In that collegiate gig, Coakley discovered a slugger named Lou Gehrig, so he had that going for him.

For a couple of years, the Reds had an actual doctor on the team, but he may not have been much use if a teammate was injured. Doctor Frank “Noodles” Hahn was a veterinarian, specializing in horses and cattle. While pitching for Cincinnati, Hahn enrolled in the Cincinnati Veterinary College. From 1900 until 1919, Cincinnati was home to its very own veterinary school, organized and operated by a consortium of local animal doctors. Noodles did so well in class that he was recruited after graduation to join the faculty of the college and taught there for several years.

A native of Nashville, Hahn confessed that he had no idea how he earned his distinctive nickname, although he had been called “Noodles” since he was a young boy. Hahn landed a pitching spot in the minors when he was just 16 years old and was recruited by the Reds in 1899 before he turned 20. Hahn’s rookie year was one for the record books as he won 23 games while losing only 8, posting a 2.68 ERA. Over seven seasons with the Reds, Hahn racked up 127 wins and 92 losses although he pitched for some decidedly lackluster Cincinnati squads. On 12 July 1900, Hahn hurled a no-hitter against the powerful Philadelphia Phillies and later struck out 16 Boston batters in one game. Problem was, the Reds never ranked higher than fourth in the National League during Hahn’s time in Cincinnati. After several seasons in which he averaged 300 innings, Hahn’s arm gave out. He limped through a half-season with the New York Highlanders, then decided to find another line of work.

It appears that old Noodles could have chosen a couple of careers. The Washington Post [17 June 1906] declared Hahn the best piano player in baseball. There was talk he might have pursued music professionally.

It was large animal veterinary work that finally won out. For a while, Hahn coached and pitched for some semi-pro teams, but he spent decades as a federal meat inspector in Cincinnati. Until he was over 70 years old, Hahn kept a locker at Crosley field. He would visit the ballpark on game day, work out with the team and pitch batting practice, then change back into his business clothes to watch the game. When the Terrace Plaza opened an ice-skating rink on the eighth floor, septuagenarian Noodles Hahn was there, showing off his fancy technique. He died, aged 80, at his retirement home in North Carolina.

[havendance]

I was going to do a whole comics roundup post since I finally went out to the comics store, but I'm lazy and I really don't actually have that many opinions on this weeks birds of prey anyway. (I like the old artist better. I think this week's artist was doing some neat things and was nicely dynamic, but also I don't like the way that they draw faces and I miss how solid all the characters were when Romero drew them. The moments between Sin and Dinah were nice. Still figuring out how I feel about mageara.)

So what this post is really about is the comic I polled out of the dollar bin which I have much more opinions on!

Vertigo: Winter's Edge #1

This is the Vertigo holiday special which, while a little late to be truly seasonal (and also contains no santa appearences), I thought I'd do a write up on anyway.

This is a solid 96 pages of Vertigo stories and you can tell! Compared to the superhero side of DC/more modern holiday specials, this is much denser and well, filled with the funky little strange stories that DC created Vertigo to tell. There's no christmas carol retellings here! Just about every story here is filled with verbose, introspective monologues (at least that's what it felt like).

(Also, I have no idea who half these people are.)

The framing story here is that a bunch of Rain's (the girl who lives in the house of secrets I believe) friends show up for the holidays and she goes up to a room in the house to find a gift, finding a room with a man who shows her a bunch of paintings which connect to our stories.

The Flowers of Romance -- a Sandman story, featuring a horny satyr who is dying alongside the rest of his island from being forgotten or whatever. Desire shows up and uses their powers to have it so a young couple comes to the island on the night before Christmas eve so that the satyr can have one last night of pleasure before he dies.

I'd actually read this one before as it was collected in one of my Sandman Omnibuses. Honestly I thought it was one of the weaker stories in this (though far from the worse *sideyes the Invisibles story*). It just felt like it could use something more. It feels like Gaiman cut out down story that could've been an entire issue and it suffered for it. (Also the story itself is kind of eh to me. I don't really have sympathy for the dying horny satyr.)

Mazel Tov, Leo -- A story for some comic called The Minx which I have not heard of. Tom, boyfriend of the Minx, goes to meet her family (who's jewish) for the holidays.

I can't say I recommend this one if you (like me) have no idea what's going on in The Minx because I certainly felt lost.

Spirit of the Season -- A Wesley Dodds Sandman mystery! This was one was really good. Wesley goes to a synagogue to remember his dead mother for the holidays and stops some young hooligans from robbing the place.

Deck the Halls -- A story for the dreaming. The closest thing to light hearted we really get in this. Able is really into celebrating christmas and Cain is not. And since this is about them, while no actual murder happens during the story, it's certainly alluded to and implied!

Tell Me -- Our Hellblazer story. Constantine takes a break from spending the holidays with his current girlfriend's family to visit a bar, where the man sitting next to him tells the story of couple. The man disappears after telling it and it turns out he was actually the ghost of the man from the story (he'd died at the end.) Constantine passes on a message to his widow who just walked through the door.

I also recommend this one. It was touching.

Piss on Earth -- The holiday story for a comic called Nevada which I had never heard of before. This one features a irreverant, las-vegas themed nativity story retelling dream sequence.

It was much more approachable if you haven't read the comic than the Minx one. It also did fun stuff with the panel layouts during the dream sequence.

Thanks for Nothing -- A Books of Magic story. This one's a little matchgirl inspired only instead of selling matches our girl is selling acid (or maybe not). Also her father might be winter and he can only visit his kids while they're about to freeze to death? Anyway, I did enjoy his one, but also there's quite a few things that are ambigous about it. But that's what makes it Vertigo.

And We're All Police Men -- I am not even going to try to explain what happens in here because I have no idea. This is by Grant Morrison for The Invisibles and this story in no way motivates me to go check it out. It feels like Morrison is just stringing words and phrases together and occasionally they're even ones that make a coherent sentence. I started reading their Animal Man comics and those told a compelling story. This was not that.

Look, here's a sample:

(I'm sorry, I'm not going to transcribe this, but the whole story goes on like this for 8 whole tedious pages) Worst story of the bunch imo hands down.