#doesn't help that i don't have my driving licence

[tenrose]

Why do drivers stop to ask me, who live in this city, for directions?

Do I look like I know because I don't lmao

[daydreamgoddess14]

Backseat Driver pt. 1

Summary: Bucky Barnes is reluctantly running for Congress with the financial and political backing of Pepper Potts. Everything is under control until she assigns him a driver. A very chatty, overly enthusiastic, playlist-addicted driver who seems determined to worm her way past his hundred-yard emotional perimeter. He hates the arrangement. Until he really doesn’t.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

Word Count: 5,800 (might've gotten so carried away I actually broke Tumblr and couldn't post the whole fic in one post.... so I feel like that deserves some kind of award ��, part 2 will post tomorrow)

Warnings/Tags/Info: No use of y/n, l/n, reader is described as female. I have literally no idea whatsoever the process involved in running for Congress or being a Congressperson. Expect grumpy!Bucky, sunshine!Reader, fluff, Sam being the most glorious human ever, Pepper Potts continuing to be a badass.... Ummm... I can't think of anything else to warn you of? Enjoy! 🩷

“I don't need a driver.”

“You're not driving yourself anymore.”

“The hell I'm not, this might have been your stupid idea, but it doesn't make me your little pet.”

“James,” Pepper Potts said smoothly (that’s when he knew he’d pissed her off), “you'd know if you were my pet. Now shoo. The car is downstairs along with your driver. Do not keep them waiting.”

Conversation over, apparently. He waited, just a little longer. Just long enough for her to sigh and pointedly not look at him. Just long enough to let her know that he owed her nothing. 

If anything, he was the one doing her a favour. And a big one, at that. 

“Congressman Barnes -”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm gone.” 

He didn't close the door behind him. 

Another small act of defiance.

The elevator ride felt like an eternity. He stepped out into the heavily guarded parking level, the security guard nodded in his direction, and pointed to a sleek, top spec Range Rover with blacked out windows.

She leaned over the bonnet, scribbling into a notepad. At the sound of his footsteps, she turned abruptly.

“Congressman, hi -” she began, holding out her hand. 

He didn’t take it. “You’re my driver?”

“I am,” she said cautiously, waiting for him to interrupt again. “Ready to go?”

He didn’t respond. 

Vibranium clinked dully against the metal of the car door.

“Uhh, that’s my seat?” She said, her lips pinched to hide her smile. 

He left the driver door wide open and moved to the rear door instead, sliding into the car without a word. 

“Thanks!” She chirped, hopping up behind the wheel.

The seat automatically adjusted to her height. He watched the mirrors shift too, suiting her position. 

She threw her notepad and phone onto the seat beside her. In the centre console, she’d wedged a water bottle and a half empty iced coffee.

“Can you even reach the pedals?” He couldn’t help asking.

“Good one, haven’t heard that before. Little ol’ me, great big hunk of a car… course I can reach. I have this poking stick, see - helps me push the pedals ‘cos my tiny legs just can’t do it -” she laughed.

“Right, I get it. You can reach.”

“Sure you’re done? Would you like to see my licence? Proof that I can drive stick? How about you jump out and make sure I can see over the steering wheel?”

He stared out of the window instead.

With a self-satisfied smirk, she watched him through the rear view mirror. 

“Seatbelt on?” She asked. 

“Are you always like this?”

“Yep. Now, any music requests?” 

His frown deepened. 

“Good, I don't want to hear them. Driver privileges. Hope you like 90s dance.” She waited until he'd caught her eye in the mirror, the horror crossing his face. 

And then she winked. 

The car roared to life. The V8 engine growled, low and powerful, but the smooth leather seats and plush interior barely shuddered. The tyres squeaked on the ramp and as the sounds of Faithless filled the vehicle, she pulled out into the steady stream of traffic.

The thumping beat reverberated through the speakers and the driver hummed along to the music, sneaking glances at the grumpy figure in the backseat. 

Bucky's misery was obvious. He kept his arms crossed over his chest, and his gaze fixed out the window, his jaw clenched.

The sound of the music was only broken by the occasional sound of him sighing deeply.

The humming grew louder until the track reached the chorus and the driver began singing along, full, off-key commitment.

Bucky couldn't help but grimace at her wildly out of tune efforts. She had to be doing this on purpose.

"Do you have to do that?" He asked shortly. 

"Do what?" She called over the thumping bass. 

"Can you turn it down?"

"Huh?"

"Turn. It. Down."

She reached for the volume dial. "What are you saying?"

"God, finally," he muttered. "Do you have to do that?" he asked. 

"Do I have to do what?"

"Sing along? It's awful."

"Oh. Well... I just like to," she shrugged. 

“But you can't sing. You're way off," he said bluntly, his tone flat.

She shrugged. “Isn't that part of the fun?”

“Says who?” 

“Oh I love this one!” She said gleefully, ignoring his question and turning the volume dial up again, higher than previously. “Love life and laughter is all I believe…”

Ahead of them, the traffic slowed and Bucky watched with increasing alarm, his brows pinched together, as the driver bounced and shimmied in her seat to the beat of the music, her hands either waving enthusiastically or clutching her heart like the song had cracked her open. 

“I feel your hands, your lips, the heat of your body

Whisper your love to me say that you love me

Please just love me down and never leave me,

I'm a dreamer-uh-uh-uhhhhh!”

“Kill me now,” he growled, yanking his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts and raised the phone to his ear. 

"Yo man, I was just about to call you,” came Sam’s voice, already full of smug amusement. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I heard you got yourself a new ride?" Bucky rolled his eyes at the barely contained laughter in Sam’s tone.

"News travels fast," he grumbled, watching her continue to bop in her seat. Sam chuckled on the other end of the line, clearly amused by the situation.

"How's that going for you?"

“How’d you think?” Bucky hissed, “How’d you find out anyway?”

"Let's just say, my sources are always reliable," Sam replied cryptically. 

Bucky rolled his eyes, but couldn't hide a small smirk. “Pepper just told you, right?”

“Bingo.”

“That figures," he said.  

"Yeah, some of us have gotta be the grown ups around here,” Sam laughed. "So… you having fun?"

"I don't need a driver."

"A little louder, I don't think she heard you." Sam deadpanned.

Bucky’s jaw tightened. “I don't need a driver," he repeated louder, making sure she heard this time.

“Pepper’s right, you’re a public figure now, man. You can’t just be tearing your motorcycle around like a feral cat.”

As Sam negotiated, the driver in question lifted her hand and flipped Bucky the middle finger.

Too busy flipping him off, she didn’t notice the traffic ahead slowing - and slammed the brakes hard.

Bucky lurched forward in the back seat, instinctively reaching out to brace himself, gripping the back of her seat.

"Oof, shit, sorry." She grimaced, easing to a more gentle stop behind the car in front.

He slumped back, indentations left in her headrest from the tight grip of his vibranium fingers. 

He tried to play it cool, acting like he hadn't been caught off guard.

"Watch where you're going," he muttered, his voice gruff.

"Sorry," she said, her eyes still on the road ahead. "These idiots don't know how to drive. I'm pretty sure they're texting."  

"You sure it's not your reckless driving that's the issue here?" Bucky retorted.

He went back to his call before she could respond. 

"I gotta go, I'm on my way to a meeting,” he told Sam, barely holding back a growl. “Y’know, if my damn driver can get me there in one piece. I should probably read the notes before I go in." 

"Enjoy the drive buddy, see you later," Sam cackled as Bucky ended the call with a sharp tap.

He leaned back in his seat, glowering out the window as the city whizzed by outside.

"You don't have to look so miserable," the driver said, her voice cutting through their uncomfortable silence.  

Bucky didn't respond, his gaze still fixed on the city outside.  

She rolled her eyes at his stubbornness. 

“Honestly, it's not the end of the world, having someone drive you around. You get more work done, you get to listen to my excellent music -”

"We're not talking about this," he muttered, opening the files he'd put on the seat next to him. “I'm sorting this out with Potts, your assignment will be over by the end of the day.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

They lapsed into a kind of truce, the radio mercifully turned down and the driver still singing along at a more acceptable volume. 

Her singing was the only nagging reminder that she was there. He tried to ignore her and focus on the files in front of him, but his concentration kept getting derailed by her off-key humming. 

"Can you stop that?" he snapped suddenly, surprising even himself.

"Youuu got it," she said quietly, falling silent at last.

Her smile faltered for the first time, just long enough for Bucky to notice.

A quiet sense of relief washed over him, but then, after a few moments an uneasy feeling settled over him. 

The quiet was too stifling. 

Without the white noise he found himself hyper-aware of her presence. 

He could now hear the rhythm of her breathing, the squeak of the leather steering wheel beneath her grip. He could hear the steady drum of her heart, a few beats quicker than a resting rhythm.

His focus sharpened on the sound of her pulse. 

He wondered what could be causing her heart rate to increase. Was she nervous? Excited? 

He snuck a glance at her, taking in the subtle rise and fall of her chest as she inhaled, the quick exhale.

Before he could ask, she brought the car to a smooth stop outside a towering building. 

"Here we go, first stop. I'll be here whenever you're ready to move on." She said softly.

Bucky collected his notes from the seat and shoved them into the leather messenger back that rested on his lap.

He exited the car without a word, taking a moment to take in the impressive building before him. Behind him, he heard her window glide down, the tinny motor sound imperceptible to most ears.

“Thank you,” she prompted him with a grin.

“Yeah,” he acknowledged without turning around. “Thanks.”

He didn’t turn back until he got to the revolving doors of the building, by which point he could see her huddled over her notepad once again. 

As if feeling his stare, she turned to the doors and smiled brightly, waving in his direction.

He ignored her.

~~~~

His meeting dragged on for over two hours. Irritation and fatigue picked at his brain and made his eyes itch. He felt dehydrated, hungry, and by the time he finally stepped out into the sunlight, his stomach rumbled in time with the traffic.

Out front, the Range Rover sat proudly - exactly where he’d left it.

Or rather, where he’d been left.

He could see her, either talking on the phone or - more likely - singing along to the radio.

He wondered if she’d even moved for the last two hours.

Seeing him on the sidewalk, she jumped out of the car and opened the rear door for him. Further along the seat, the drinks holder had been pulled down and inside sat a large bottle of water and a tightly wrapped foil… something.

 “What’s that?”

“Figured you’d be hungry. And thirsty.” She shrugged, closing the door behind him before he could respond. She slipped into her own seat and turned the ignition.

He could feel her snatching glances at him in the rearview mirror while he carefully peeled back the foil on what turned out to be a still warm burrito. 

“What?” He asked warily through a mouthful of food. 

“Don't talk with your mouth full. It's not becoming of a Congressman.” She teased. 

“Not a Congressman yet, doll.” He sneered. 

She pulled out into the stream of traffic into a gap he'd only have taken on his motorcycle. The car behind flashed its lights in annoyance but she just flicked her hazards on and off in thanks. Over the sound of her music, the GPS announced a delay ahead. 

“We're gonna be late,” he complained. 

“Have a little faith, please.” She grinned and took the next left, ignoring the directions on her phone. Twenty minutes later, her passenger fed and watered, and the traffic defeated, she pulled up at their next stop. 

Early. 

“Shall I say I told you so now, or save it for later in case any more rack up?”

“How about you don't say anything?” 

“Not going to happen. Enjoy your meeting, I'll be right here.”

He hesitated before getting out of the car. “You know, you didn’t have to…” he started quietly. 

“I wanted to.”

And that was it.  

Every day when he stepped out of his house, the car was parked up and waiting for him. And every day, the music was too loud, she talked too fast, too much and drove the Range Rover like she'd stolen it. 

Every day he threatened to fire her. And every day Pepper Potts told him to get his head out of his ass.

A week into his enforced new staff member’s tenure, he text her. 

Corner of Grattan and Bogart. Don’t be late.

Sam was in Washington heading north and had suggested meeting him part way. He picked up two coffees and waited for her, his baseball cap pulled low. 

He wasn’t scrolling his phone. 

He wasn’t really doing anything.

Just sitting. 

Waiting.

When he heard the low purr of the Range Rover pulling up, he stood. One coffee in each hand. She rolled down the window.

“You know it's Saturday?”

“What, no dramatic music this time?” he asked.

“It's soul Saturday, I thought I'd wait for you.” she grinned. “You want in or are you just here to judge my taste again?”

He climbed in and handed her the drink without saying anything.

She looked at it. Then at him.

“…You got my order right,” she said, half-suspicious. “How?”

“You’ve ordered it three times already this week,” he shrugged, like it was no big deal. “I have ears.”

She looked down at the cup. Her name was scribbled across the side. In his handwriting.

She smiled softly. 

Bucky stared straight ahead, pretending to study the road. She pulled away from the curb without saying another word, but the silence between them this time wasn’t uncomfortable.

It was familiar.

“So, where to?”

“Jersey, gonna collect my bike from the shop and meet Sam.”

“So this is a one way trip? And you couldn't just… jump on the train?”

“Potts said no.”

“Oh, and you always do as you're told,” she scoffed. 

“Occasionally, when it suits.”

She yawned into her coffee and fell silent again. “I mean, I probably wouldn't cross Pepper either.” She admitted after a while, before treating him to her singing once more. 

~~~~

Days later, with the sun dipped low enough to cast a golden wash across the buildings, traffic was thick, and for once she wasn’t weaving like a maniac. 

The music was low, piano versions of recognisable songs. Bucky had his eyes closed, head tilted slightly back against the seat. He wasn’t asleep.

He never really let himself sleep while he was on the move.

“Rough day?” She asked softly. 

He didn't answer right away. 

“It’s always a rough day.”

“You still showed up. That counts for something.”

He opened his eyes and glanced at her in the mirror.  

“I’m bored,” she said suddenly. 

He arched an eyebrow. 

“Then maybe pay attention to the road,” he muttered.

“I am paying attention. I’m also multitasking.”

He exhaled through his nose. A smirk, barely there.

“You want to pick the next song?” she asked casually.

He frowned. “What?”

“Music. You know? You can be DJ.”

“I don’t… I don’t really know what I like.”

She blinked. “You don’t like music?”

“I didn’t say that.” He looked out the window again. “I just haven’t had a lot of… say. In what I hear.”

There was something in his voice, flat, but not dismissive. It suggested years of noise he hadn’t chosen. 

Propaganda. Orders. Guns. Screams. Silence.

She swallowed, nodding slowly.

“Well,” she said after a second. “Let’s fix that.”

She handed him her phone, unlocked and open to her music app. “Pick anything. Go on.”

He held it like it might bite him.

“Not gonna lie to you,” he said dryly. “This feels like a trap.”

She laughed, not mocking, just easy and warm. “Worst case scenario, you pick something awful and I throw us into oncoming traffic.”

“Fair. What classes as awful?”

“Let's find out, shall we?” She wiggled her eyebrows. 

He scrolled hesitantly, his thumb moving slowly, like he was trying not to break anything.

Finally, he tapped something.

A slow, smoky jazz guitar slid through the speakers. She looked at him in surprise. “You just… picked that out of nowhere?”

“I didn’t just pick it.” He didn’t look at her. “I have been trying to adjust for the last few years. Sam's thrown a few suggestions my way.”

They drove in comfortable silence for a while. 

“…Not bad,” she murmured eventually.

His mouth quirked, just barely. “Yeah.”

She stopped the car outside his house.

“Get some rest, Congressman. You look like you need it.”

“Thanks, so I look like shit?”

She laughed sharply. “Yeah, right. As if. Look, it may not feel like it, but you’re making a difference.” 

“You think so?” 

“I know so.” 

He nodded tiredly and stepped out of the car. 

At the top of the steps, he turned, noting that she always waited for him to go inside before she left. 

It didn't stop him from checking that she was still there. 

~~~~

The events, meetings, townhalls, meet and greets were beginning to blur.

He stepped out of the building, tie loosened, shoulders tight. The black Range Rover was already parked across the street, perfectly aligned in a no-standing zone, hazard lights blinking innocently.

She leaned casually against the side of the car, sunglasses perched on her head, sipping an iced coffee with more espresso shots than he dared think about. 

“You’re early,” he grunted as he slid into the backseat.

“I’m always early,” she said brightly, climbing into the driver’s seat. “What, you just think I appear like magic?”

He didn’t respond, but she caught the faint twitch of his mouth in the mirror. 

Close enough to a smile.

As she pulled into traffic, he noticed they weren’t heading in the usual direction. “You missed the turn.”

“Not going home yet. I’ve got one more stop and then I have instructions to take you to Pepper.”

His jaw tightened. “You have another pickup?”

“Yup.”

“Oh,” he said, trying and failing to sound unaffected. “Didn’t realise you chauffeured other people.”

“Although you're technically my only client, and the most dramatic, I'm doing her a favour,” she said, clearly amused. 

He didn’t answer. 

Just sat there, seething quietly at the idea of her smiling and chatting with someone else the way she did with him. 

Someone younger. Cooler. 

Probably not traumatised and 100 years out of place.

The Range Rover coasted to a stop in front of a sleek private school entrance. She unbuckled her seatbelt and twisted to glance at him. 

“Back in five. Try not to melt in the leather.”

He grunted, but watched her go.

It wasn’t a man. Not even another client, not in the way he thought.

A moment later, she returned with a kid practically bouncing alongside her. The girl looked up at her with absolute adoration, and she responded with a warmth Bucky hadn’t seen before.

She walked the girl, Morgan, (it clicked a second later) back to the car and opened the rear door.

“You remember the Congressman,” she said by way of introduction.

Morgan clambered in without hesitation, sliding across the backseat until she plopped down beside him like they were old carpool buddies.

“Hi,” she said, pulling her seatbelt across. “You look less mad than last time I saw you.”

Bucky blinked. “Uhh… hi.”

She looked up at him, curious. “You still mad about her?”

He glanced toward the front, where the driver was watching them in the mirror with raised brows.

“...No,” he muttered. “She’s fine.”

“I know,” Morgan said matter-of-factly. “She makes the best lunchbox snacks. Sometimes she lets me drive in the driveway if Mom’s not home.”

“Don’t say that in front of people,” the driver said quickly, tossing her a warning glance.

Morgan narrowed her eyes. “Anyway, Mom said you were mad that she made you get a driver, and I said -”

The driver was hiding a smile now, fiddling with the GPS. “Alright, kiddo, seatbelt on?” She interrupted, “Get on with your homework, stop bothering Congressman Grumpypants.”

As they pulled away from the school, Bucky sat back. The heat of his earlier jealousy had died off, leaving him embarrassed. 

He'd been jealous of a kid. 

Not just any kid, Morgan Stark.

Morgan rolled her eyes and pulled a tablet out of her backpack, popping in earbuds and disappearing into whatever assignments awaited her.

He didn’t know what the hell was happening between him and the woman in the front seat. But it was starting to get harder to pretend he didn’t care.

At the office, Pepper Potts was exactly where he expected her to be, half-glancing at a screen floating in midair, tapping on her phone, eyes flicking up to meet his with a sharp, calm kind of clarity that always unnerved him.

“You’re early,” she said, without looking at the time. “That’s rare.”

“I wasn’t driving,” Bucky replied dryly.

That got him the faintest smirk. She waved a hand and the screen blinked away.

“She’s good,” he said, casually. Too casually.

Pepper tilted her head. “Morgan?”

“…Your driver.”

“Ah.”

He scratched his jaw, suddenly feeling defensive for even bringing it up.

“I didn’t know you were hiring clowns,” he added, trying to sound annoyed, but the words lacked his usual bite. “She talks a lot. More than Sam, and that's… a lot.”

“She does,” Pepper agreed smoothly. 

“Where’d you find her?”

“Hmm?”

“The driver.”

“Why?”

“Just curious.” He tried to sound disinterested. Neutral. 

He failed miserably.

Pepper gave him a slow, knowing look. 

“You never ask about people, Bucky. Ever.”

“She’s… unusual,” he muttered.

“Unusual how?”

“Drives like she’s in a Fast and Furious movie. Listens to the worst music I’ve ever heard. Talks too much.”

“But you’re still in one piece.”

“Barely.”

Pepper smiled. “You could’ve just said you liked her.”

His eyes flicked up. Sharp. “Didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.”

He scowled. “This isn’t… I  just wanted to know where you found her.”

“She interned with us a few years ago. Logistics. She's smart. Too mouthy for upper management though. Too good for it, in all honesty. She freelanced security logistics for a while, specialising in VIP movement, crisis response. Tony would’ve liked her.”

Bucky blinked. “Wait, she’s trained?”

“Extensively. Don’t let the coffee cups and dancing fool you.”

He blinked again. 

It clicked. How she always had them out of tight traffic. How she knew exactly when to pull up, when to back off. How she always parked near exits without seeming to think about it.

He felt a little stupid, honestly.

Pepper watched him closely. “She knows what she’s doing. And before you ask, no, I didn’t pick her to annoy you. That's just an added bonus.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to.” She grinned again. 

He shifted his weight. “She ever drive for someone else?”

“Not like this. You’re the first.”

That meant more than it should’ve.

Pepper leaned back in her chair, steepling her fingers. “Why don’t you just ask her these things yourself?”

He looked away. Jaw tight. “Not my business.”

She smiled gently. “You’re wrong, Bucky. It is your business. She’s in your life now, whether you like it or not.”

He didn’t answer.

Pepper didn’t push.

“Go home,” she said finally, turning her attention back to her screen. “And don’t fire her. You’d regret it.”

He looked incredulous, then it dawned on him. 

“She tells me you threaten to fire her every day.” Pepper arched an eyebrow. 

“I wasn’t really going to -” he started, then stopped. “…Whatever.”

He left without saying goodnight.

~~~~

The event had gone better than he’d expected.

A few speeches. Awkward handshakes. 

But people had listened. Some had nodded. A few had smiled. He could handle that.

It was easier when they wanted to be there to listen to him. He found it much harder convincing people who'd already made up their minds to dislike him. 

What he couldn’t handle was the crowd waiting outside.

Photographers. Reporters. Bright flashes already popping the second the door opened.

His chest tightened immediately. He knew this feeling, It started in his hands - both of them. 

Tight, twitchy, like even the coils and springs in his metal arm were tightening.

Then his jaw, clenching so hard his teeth ached. He froze in the doorway, half in shadow, half in the spotlight.

Too many faces. Too many voices, all shouting his name.

Winter Soldier!

Congressman Barnes!

Are the rumors true? Are you stepping down?

Smile for us, sweetheart!

That was a new one - they didn't usually call him sweetheart. He realised why. 

That last one wasn’t even aimed at him, it was aimed at her. Parting the boisterous group like the red sea. Appearing before him, still and quiet. 

And somehow, that broke the spell.

Before the tension could boil over, before he could even think about turning around and bolting, she stepped forward. Like it was nothing.

She slid into the space beside him, hand lightly brushing his arm, not grabbing, not controlling. Just grounding.

“You ok?” she murmured, almost under her breath. 

He didn’t respond, but he didn’t flinch either.

“Sorry folks,” she called sweetly. “Congressman Barnes is late for a call with Captain America himself. No time for pictures.”

Someone tried to shout over her. She cut them off without raising her voice.

“And no further questions,” she glared. 

He didn’t say a word until they were both back inside the car, the Range Rover felt like a little island of peace in the chaos.

She didn’t turn the music on. Didn’t start the car. Just looked at him.

“Better?”

He nodded stiffly, trying to force his pulse back under control.

“…Thanks,” he muttered eventually.

“Any time. I'm calling Pepper, you need real security. This is getting ridiculous.”

“It's fine, I'm fine.” He insisted. 

“No.” she said forcefully through gritted teeth once they were on the road. She sounded angrier than he'd ever heard her. “No. You don’t have to be bulletproof all the time.”  

He didn't say anything, but he felt the comment land, however off-the-cuff she made it sound. 

“And you actually do need to call Sam back,” she sighed. “That wasn't a lie. Any objections if I get us a little sugar rush?” 

She was in the drive-thru for doughnuts before he could reach for his phone. 

~~~~

She was unusually quiet when she picked him up the following day.

No radio. No singing. No bouncing in the seat. 

Just a distracted hum of energy, like her thoughts were somewhere else entirely.

He climbed into the back as usual and settled in. 

She fumbled slightly with the steering wheel, then sat still for a moment too long before starting the engine.

She didn’t even check the rearview to throw a quip his way. Something was off.

She drove in silence for about ten blocks before he spoke.

“...You good?”

She blinked. Glanced at him in the mirror. “Me? Yeah. Why?”

“You haven’t said a single annoying thing today.”

That made her snort, but there wasn’t much force behind it. “Wow. That worried you?”

He shrugged, looking back down at the folder in his lap. “Not really. Just weird when things are quiet.”

She didn’t answer. They drove another block. Then he cleared his throat.

“I, uhh, got something,” he said awkwardly, reaching into his jacket. “For the… silence.”

He handed her a small, beat-up flash drive.

She frowned. “What’s this?”

“I made you a playlist.”

She blinked, stopped the car at the red light and fully turned to look at him. “You… what?”

“Songs you’ve played. Stuff I caught. Things you like. That dance crap. Some other stuff too.”

“…You made me a mix?”

He shifted, looking suddenly very interested in the pattern of stitching on the car door. “Don’t make it weird.”

She stared at the flash drive like it might spontaneously combust. 

The car behind them honked, making her jump. She eased the car into gear and set back off, then carefully, slotted the drive into the dash and started skipping through the tracks.

The car filled with familiar sounds. Her favourites, blended with a few odd choices that had to be his. 

Jazz. Old-school rock. One or two that made her laugh. The Supremes, show tunes, K-Pop…

“I can’t believe you did this,” she murmured.

“Don’t make it a thing.”

“It’s definitely a thing,” she whispered, half-dazed.

And for a few miles, she forgot to drive like a maniac. Forgot whatever had been bothering her. 

He kept seeing her in the mirror, like she was waiting for him to say something disdainful.

But he didn't. He didn’t look smug. He looked quietly proud. Like it had been worth the effort, just to see her stunned into silence for once.

By the time they reached his next appointment, she was singing along again. 

~~~~

The evening events were the worst. The events where spouses attended and made him look painfully single. 

His driver had delivered him home, shoved a Prada suit bag into his hand and told him she'd wait outside. 

“You could just wait in there,” he waved vaguely toward the front door. 

“Ha! No, god no that's weird. I'll be here.” She shooed him into the house, “go on, hurry up, you have thirty minutes.”

Forty minutes later he was battling with his bow tie.

“Up and then under,” Sam said, his voice muffled by his hands covering his face. “No that bit goes round -”

“Round where?” Bucky turned to where he'd leaned the phone so Sam could see. 

“Man, please go and get in that damn car. Your driver will tie it for you.”

“I need to learn…”

“You don't have time, you gotta get movin’. I'll send you a YouTube video later.”

“YouTube? C'mon, man -”

“Buck, so help me I will kill you if you don't get in that car. If Pepper gets on to me ‘cause you're late, I will throw you under that bus.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too buddy.”

The faint beep of the handset let him know that Sam had hung up. By the time he made it outside, she was pacing by the car. 

“Jeez, thought you'd gotten lost! What took you so long? Pepper is blowing up my phone,” she wheeled on him, scowling, but stopped immediately on sight. 

“You any good with a bow tie?” 

She stepped closer and took it from him. Her hands fluttered nervously but she looped the tie around his neck and used it to drag him a little closer to her height.

“You ok?” He asked. “You were about ready to kill me but you stopped?”

“Fine, totally fine.” She tied the knot carefully and tucked the band under his collar. She stepped back after tying the knot, brushing her fingertips along the edge of his collar like she couldn’t quite stop herself. 

He caught the way her hands hovered for a second too long, like she’d forgotten what they were supposed to do.

“There,” she said, voice a little quieter than before. “You’ll do.”

He didn’t move. Just watched her. Her eyes flicked to the side like she was desperate to be anywhere else.  

“What?” she asked.

“I told you, you were scowling. Then I walked out, and you just… stopped. Like you forgot to be mad.”

She rolled her eyes, but her voice was softer now. “You're being ridiculous.”

“Am I?” he asked, stepping just a little closer. 

Her breath hitched, just barely, but he heard it.

“Are you worried?” He asked. “About Pepper being mad?”

“No, of course not.”

“You don't have to be.”

“I'm not.” She looked up at him then, and there was something in her expression he couldn’t place. He squinted at her.

“Then what?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Instead, she turned on her heel and yanked open the car door. 

“Bucky, just… just get in before Pepper has both our heads.”

The silence that filled the car was different this time. Not the usual, comfortable quiet they’d eased into over the last few weeks. 

This was charged. 

He didn’t say anything. He wasn't sure he trusted himself.  

When she finally pulled up to the event, she shifted into park and twisted to look at him.

He leaned forward instinctively.

Her eyes dropped to his lips for a split second.

“You never call me Bucky,” he said, voice low.

“I didn’t mean to,” she said, just above a whisper. “It just… slipped.”

“Yeah?” 

She didn’t reply, she stayed frozen, eyes on his, like something might snap between them if either of them breathed too hard.

And then…

The rear door opened abruptly, and a polite young valet with the worst timing beamed in at him.

“Mr. Barnes, we’re ready for you inside.”

Bucky stared straight ahead, past the driver, jaw clenched. A breath passed before he looked back at her. She hadn't moved. 

“Enjoy the party,” she said, neutralising her expression and making her voice light and even.

He stepped out of the car, bow tie neat, posture perfect. But his hands were still shaking.

He hated these kinds of parties on a good day. There were always too many people pretending not to be watching him. 

But tonight was worse. He couldn’t stop replaying that moment in the car. The way she’d looked at him. The quiet inhale. The feel of her fingers at his collar.  

He was halfway through a conversation with some city councilman when he realised he hadn’t heard a word of it.

“Earth to Barnes.”

He turned to find Pepper raising a perfectly groomed brow, two champagne flutes in hand.

“You’re a million miles away,” she said, handing him one. “Did I miss a memo?”

He cleared his throat and took the drink. “Just... tired.”

“Mmm,” she hummed, clearly not buying it. 

Her eyes flicked toward the entrance. “Your driver peeled out of here like someone was chasing her… know anything about that?”

His grip on the flute tightened so hard he could hear the faintest crack. He downed the contents quickly and placed it on the tray of a passing waiter.

“I think there's a tiny crack in that glass,” he told them before turning back to Pepper. “She did?”

“She did,” Pepper said dryly. “I hope you're not upsetting her.”

He didn’t answer.

PART 2

[thereweredragonshere]

what headcanons do you have for the riders in a modern au?

Sorry if some of these are a little basic lmao I don't think about modern aus all that much.

They all live in Britain. Sue me. I want some dragons over this side of the atlantic.

Hiccup -

Does digital art

Plays minecraft religiously and can do red stone better than he can do maths

has failed exams due to his pretty much illegible hand writing despite answers being mostly correct

Listens to exclusively 80s/90s music

Lives in a flat above a pub that his dad owns called 'Berk' aka 'Berk's bar' (Which is a whole au that i have and is where i got the name for my discord server from lmao. But these headcanons aren't all specifically from that au. Just general ones.)

Gets bullied quite bad at school. He's taken days off because of it before.

Class presentations are his worst nightmare. Can never get his words out during them and gets very freaked out.

Astrid -

Plays Rugby, Football, does boxing, really name any contact sport and she's probably tried it at some point. Her favourite lesson is P.E. (Physical education/gym class) and she will riot if it gets cancelled for some reason.

'Difficult' student. She struggles with anger management and schools are shit at helping kids with that, so she gets labelled as a problem child cuz she always chats back and gets sent out of classrooms.

Despite being a 'problem' child, she still gets all the shit that needs doing done.

Never shows up to school assemblies. She usually just goes and finds a staircase to sit on.

Divorced parents. She bounces between houses quite a lot.

Spends most of her free time at the gym. Buffstrid canon in modern times too people!!

Snotlout -

Got massively bullied in year 7 and like half way through year 8 he switched the fuck up and became a fucking menace. Bro was NOT playing.

Rides horses. Hookfang is a horse.

Is lowkey fucking amazing at maths but he's scared to put effort into it cuz he thinks he'll get made fun of.

When him and Astrid become friends they actually bond over being the 'problem' kids. Though Astrid is a bit more than Snotlout.

Constantly in corner shops. He loves buying overpriced american sweets.

Fishlegs -

Actually very rarely gets bullied cuz no one knows who the fuck he is (Until the gang all become friends, then people DEFINIATELY know who they all are.)

Loves the three sciences. Even physics. He actively enjoys doing physics.

Kinda not really a teacher's pet. He won't tell on you but he certainly won't partake in whatever it is you're doing on your phone in the middle of a very important english lesson.

Loves shakepeare.

Him and Snotlout (When the gang all become friends) set up one of those stupid cliche 'pay me and I'll do your homework' things in the boys toilets at school. Snotlout did the discreate advertising and Fishlegs did the homework. They split profits 50/50 and they both found it so funny that it actually worked. And then they got busted by the head teacher and that's the first time fishlegs ever got detention.

Ruffnut -

Local school fact file. She can tell you every single detail about the place. Wanna know when that one piece of gum you just accidentally touched was stuck to the table? She'll fucking know.

Giver her £10 and she will eat literally anything.

Actually CAN'T get bullied cuz she just doesn't give a fuck

Very good at english/languages

Has never done homework a day in her life. Never will.

Brings random live animals into school every now and again. Much to the genuine delight of Hiccup.

Drives her parents' car somewhat regularly, despite not being old enough and not having a licence.

Tuffnut -

Can tell you the translation of ANY word into French. This guy is a MACHINE in French lessons.

brings full sized nerf water guns into school.

Chicken is canon. Ruff and Tuff share their bedroom with Chicken.

Never ever sits normally. Always swinging on his chair or sitting cross legged.

Chronic beanie wearer

[slowestlap]

It is not surprising, then, that the first thing coming to his mind when he hears the word 'time' is lap time. "After all, that's how I grew up, constantly trying to be the fastest," the three-time world champion tells us on a terrace of the Maybourne Riviera Hotel, in Monte Carlo, during a meeting organised with TAG Heuer, partner of the Red Bull Racing Team. "My memories as a child are linked to motor racing, when I used to watch my dad on the track. I used to ride my bike from morning to night, then I would race around the paddock, between the motorhomes, for me it was kind of a big playground that I shared with other people of my age. I'm not sure what language we communicated in, we probably used sign language".

"I see so many parents pushing their young children towards something. My parents fortunately didn't: when they realised I really liked it, they helped me to improve. And I recognize that I was very lucky, because that was also their passion".

"They are two different people, it's true. With my dad I spent a lot of time because we traveled for races: he was my mechanic, he built my engines, and he was also my driving teacher. With my mom the atmosphere was much more relaxed, she wasn't there to tell me how to take a corner but she always had a positive influence: she didn't shower me with advice, rather she told me her opinion, which I listened to and took into account," he adds. "Before they divorced, it was nice to get together around the table at dinner and simply talk about racing"

**

So quick that he doesn't even leave room for physiological fears: "That, on the track, doesn't make you push yourself to the limit. But off the track, I admit, I'm terrified of sharks, snakes and hairy spiders: in Australia I always stay in a hotel, possibly on the upper floors," Max smiles.

**

"At that age you're full of enthusiasm, you want to get your licence and go and have fun on the road, but frankly I could do without it today. I don't want to drive cars on the road, in traffic, I prefer to sit in the passenger seat and trust the driver."

**

"Because when I'm at home, with the people I love, I don't have to worry about being the fastest in everything I do".

Is it possible to imagine himself elsewhere? "Definitely! When my racing career is over, I will probably be more relaxed and be able to enjoy a different life. Being closer to my friends and family."

Max Verstappen for GQ Italia | 13 September 2024 [x]

(translated via DeepL)

[bluespiderlully]

KNY - Fix it! AU (+ My Characters) Canon Hashiras

This is the first post of the modern AU series, where I'll share with you moodboards and headcanons, for this post I'll cover just the canon Hashiras and in the next ones we'll see the non-canon and the OCs ones. A little warning: some of these headcanons are angsty but the concept I want here is of course hurt/comfort and it's a "bad things happened in the past but things aren't going bad now, we're all friends" kind of things. Anyway angsty headcanons aren't the majority.

🌊 Giyu Tomioka

Knows how to play piano, likes classical music a lot

60s/70s/80s sci-fi books reader, would probably start a conversation about a random book he red and end up talking about philosophy, religion and politics (Enmu and Harriet are the only ones to have actual conversations about the topics and don't just stand there confused).

Loves marine biology but never succeded in making a goldfish survive for more than one week.

🌫 Muichiro Tokito

Definitely a cat person.

Suffers from sleep paralysis and nightmares but draws anything disturbing he sees as a copying mechanism, Giyu thinks his art is pretty cool.

Super skilled at snowboarding and skateboarding.

🌪 Sanemi Shinazugawa

Overprotective with everyone he becomes friend with.

He always has rage issues, but they used to scare Ayumi off so he started working on it and managed to become calmer.

He doesn't listen to music, he listen to NOISE, if a vocalist doesn't sound like a clogged sink he doesn't listen to it.

🐍 Obanai Iguro

Has a Glasgow smile after surviving a serial killer attack. In this AU he wears a mask too, he just doesn't like to show the scar. He doesn't eat in front of people for the same reason.

Owns a black ball python and a white hognose snake and spends a lot of time decorating his terrarium (but he is careful with the hognose one, he doesn't want him to get stuck stucked as they always do).

Interested in occultism, reads a lot about it.

🌸 Mitsuri Kanroji

She does ballet since when she was 4.

Very good at baking sweets, but likes few of them so she always ends up giving them to others.

Makes friends easily and very quickly, her and Kyojuro are best friends since they were at kindergarten.

☄️ Tengen Uzui

When he was a child he wanted to become an astronaut, now he found out about planetary defense and wants to become part of that organization because "diverting asteroids is cool".

Got in every kind of trouble at school.

Drives like he could respawn infinite times.

🦋 Shinobu Kocho

Could talk about chemistry for hours.

Listens to metalcore and hyper pop and ends up hyperfixating with a song and listening to it until she ends up hating it.

Friends with Obanai, enjoys spending time with him and helping with his terrariums.

🔥 Kyojuro Rengoku

Eats a lot but would set the kitchen on fire if he tries to cook anything.

Couldn't get a driving licence and gave up on trying for his and others safety lol.

Cancer survivor but still feels insecure about his scars and about the fact he has some extra weight. He doesn't like talking about that.

Parts: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

[may-stuff]

LOL same, i don't even have my licence let alone know how to drive a car. but just imagine, the world finds out because YOU slip up, when you both thought it would be him. maybe he's in a scary crash and you can't help yourself but run over and check if your baby is okay, or you both make it to the podium and before the adrenaline has worn off, fueled by the sheer excitement and joy at you guys getting a 1-2, you just jump into his arms and kiss him as he twirls you around. PLEASE MAY PLEASE WRITE THIS I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH (i've asked you to write so much, add this to the list fr)

Pls the angst.

He's in a crash and the utter terror you feel- you've never felt so scared before. So you literally leave everything to run towards him. He's fine, nothing serious, but you have take his helmet off (and yours too, ofc) because you need to see his face; it doesn't matter that he's standing in front of you, talking to you, you need to see his eyes and know that he's alive. Your forehead against his, the tip of your nose nudging his, you tell him that you love him so much.

And that whole interaction has been televised, of course. You break the internet.

After that, you both (and everyone around you) know that there's no point in hiding your relationship anymore and that's when the second scenario you suggested happens!! You break the internet again 🫵🏻

[gia-olir]

everyone. I need help convincing my mom

if you see this, pls help me

tagging @jkriordanverse @junocore-artemis @thecatbehindyou (these are the people I think will help best)

Pictures of who I'm trying to save 👇

(she's lost a lot of weight since these pictures, you can see her ribs and spine prominently)

Im literally crying. My mom is being unreasonable

She's saying "ive rehabilitated your dog back into the wild" and bullshit like that. Im trying to convince her to bring my dog back home.

She's gone and put my dog half an hour away in her clinic. I don't have a licence, so I can't see her unless I coordinate with my dad to drive me there, so when I used to see her almost every minute, I can only see her a few times a month, since my dad is usually at work...

she's not letting me bring her back. She doesn't understand that dogs were bored to live with humans. With attention. With care and affection. I can provide that. My mom doesnt realise that my dog is becoming malnourished and depressed. My mom has her secretary feed the dog once a day. She's so thin, she can just slip out the gate and come back home. She tried this once. My mom found her near our apartment and took her back. Even worse, my dog recently gave birth. Her meals aren't enough. she's smarter now. She can come back. Only if I convince my mom... pls comment some ways to convince her. Anything. Please. I need my Spark back. I managed to convince my mom to keep one of the 5 puppies, so my dog won't be alone... I just need help to convince her to bring her back home.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I'd like to illustrate a problem here for a second about documentation and having ID expire every 5 years or whenever you move, while disabled in Canada, or at least Ontario.

To renew ID you need 3 pieces of documentation, one for proof of citizenship/status/immigration etc, like your birth certificate or registration etc, one for proof of residence like personally addressed mail, a bank statement or bill...

And the third, which must be separate, which is "proof of identity" for which the following is accepted:

credit card

valid Ontario driver’s licence or temporary driver’s licence

valid Ontario Photo Card

Canadian Immigration Identification Card

Certificate of Canadian Citizenship (plastic card)

Certificate of Indian Status (paper or plastic card)

Confirmation of Permanent Residence (Imm 5292)

only if signature is shown

current employee ID card

current professional association licence

Old Age Security Card

Ontario motor vehicle permit (plate portion only)

passport (Canadian or foreign)

Permanent Resident Card

only if signature is shown

Record of Landing (Imm 1000)

student ID card

union card

I have crossed out the ones I can't get as a disabled single adult with no dependents who was born here, is not elderly, cannot drive etc... Your average single young disabled adult born and raised here.

The certificate of citizenship I could [have, previously] technically get, but as a natural born citizen other sources will insist my birth certificate should be enough and I should never need this... And they STOPPED ISSUING THE PLASTIC CARDS LISTED HERE AS VALID ID!

I can't get a credit card approved because of my income.

The passport I only ever got because when I was younger I could travel, and it wouldn't get money taken off my pension etc... But most people in my position won't have or maintain this, and indeed mine is still with someone I took a trip with in my 20's and is lost to me, and I have had no real reason to renew it or report it lost. I can't renew it without getting the info off the old one and I can't apply for a new one without already having valid id AND BEING ABLE TO FIND 2 PEOPLE TO VOUCH FOR ME... Which I don't have, frankly, and I am going to go out on a limb and say that when you are more or less house bound and an inconvenient disabled who people are prone to abusing it is quite common enough to not be able to find 2 people to vouch for you. You also need a guarantor and someone to take photos! And sign them! And why would you? Why would you maintain a passport when you can't even travel??? It isn't accessible to me anyway.

So most people in my position, which is a lot, will ONLY have the photo ID card as "proof of id" which you NEED to 1. renew your health card, 2. renew the photo card itself.

My problem with this is that technically you need a photo ID card that's still valid, to make your photo id card valid again. They technically are not allowed to use your health card as this kind of ID.

I am disabled and therefor often things are LONG expired by the time I have the ability to get them renewed, so in addition to all this, my health card and photo id expire at the same time every time now.

They wanted to have a photo id alternative to the driver's license to help with issues like this to begin with, but they haven't made it much better.

The next issue is it's the only government Id that's of any use to me and that I am encouraged to get but it costs 35$ because it's treated as optional, instead of it being free like your health card is... So actually your health card does cost 35$ to maintain... Because you need your photo id card to stay valid... So actually our "free" healthcare has an out of pocket cost of 7$ per year minimum. That's not a lot, but that's not free if that 35 every 5 years stops you from being able to have health coverage.

I want a form of government ID, that counts as proof of identity, for the purpose of renewing my very important health insurance card, that doesn't bloody expire all the fucking time.

Because you're actually supposed to renew your health card every time your address changes... And when you are poor and disabled you tend to either be stuck with your parents, or stuck moving constantly to escape abuse.

And just... Do you know, how many times, for how many months I have been effectively between health coverage, in a country with free healthcare, and thus unable to seek medical attention, because my id has expired and I did not have the physical energy to go get it renewed? And that shouldn't happen!

Technically, by their own laws/policy they should have turned me away to renew my id, which would have left me 100% fucked with no existing valid ID to use to get other ID. That shouldn't be able to happen to you every 5 years or every time you move, especially when you are disabled.

And they shouldn't charge 35$ for it, considering you need it to get your health card renewed at all, technically speaking. It should be FREE! Especially if you are disabled!

If I still physically had my last passport I might be able to keep renewing it without this bullshit headache, but I can't without my old one.

They should have never switched to health cards that expire, I don't care if they wanted photo id, it was fine before, this is bullshit. This makes healthcare potentially inaccessible to the disabled because they have put it behind these stupid hoops you have to jump every 5 years and when you move.

And do you know how many disabled people have memory and mobility issues???

This is stupid.

And the kick in the teeth is that once they have my photo taken they will randomly chose to use older photos they have on file, because clearly my appearance hasn't changed enough through my adult life for them to even care how old the photo is! Why does the photo id have to expire if the photo can be over 10 years old according to their own records!? Their whole excuse for them expiring is that your appearance and address need to be up to date!

For those of you who don't know because it might have been before your time... health cards used to be white with a red stripe and no photo or address and they never expired. You only needed a new one if it was lost or stolen and that was fine. You could memorize the number on it and not even carry your card like you do with your SIN.

And then they switched us to the new photo ones to make sure everyone would have photo ID

And then they decided health cards couldn't be photo id because they didn't want to manage who got health care and who could buy alcohol with the same system for whatever reasons, so they came out with the "photo id" that you are expected to have as an alternative to a drivers license if you don't drive...

But they wanted money, so they charge 35$ every five years and make you pray to their monument of bureaucracy to get it.

Anyway fuck this my ability to make medical appointments shouldn't expire in a country with free healthcare. If they had a problem with people using each other's health cards before and messing up records, they should have made it easier to get your own health card, and not harder. And yes they should have made it so anyone even an illegal immigrant or someone who lost all their ID in a fire could walk into a clinic and still get basic care.

Not this bullshit song and dance.

So gee, if I fail to renew online just before these card expire you will hear me rant about this bullshit again in 5 years.

They could at LEAST give you a disability id card that never expires that you can use for shit like accessing the food bank or for proof of identity etc... Maybe even then it would be easy to have discount programs for anyone on a disability pension, maybe any groceries that are deemed basic necessities enough could be partially or fully subsidized without extra applications and headaches?

But no it's like they want to make healthcare inaccessible for the people who need it the most.

[godfrey-the-chaos-duck]

this just in: Irish loser is Sad™ because all my friends can go and do shit but not me apparently

Vent under the cut, I'm really sorry about this but I have to get it off my chest (it's nothing too serious but it is kinda long)

I'm eighteen. I've voted twice. I've finished secondary school. People my age are planning holidays and going to college and moving out and actually living life, and I feel like I'm falling behind so so much.

I don't have a bank account. I don't have a passport or any form of photo ID with a date of birth. I don't even have (or want!) a driver's licence, I will circle back to that later though.

My parents (particularly my mom) keep saying they'll help me get set up with all the above but because Mom's busy with work and Dad's really forgetful, it never gets done.

It's gotten to a point where I don't actually see a point in getting these things set up, for the following reasons:

I haven't had my name legally changed yet so everything would be set up under my deadname. Which. Fuck that.

For a bank account to make sense I would need money and I live in literally the textbook definition of "rural ass farming town" so the only jobs around that don't need experience are working in the supermarket or food service. I would, and I'm not exaggerating here, rather launch myself into a black hole than do those jobs because I've heard from my neurotypical peers how hard they are so I can only imagine how awful it would be for someone with autism like myself. My only other option is to try and get unemployment benefits but like. What would I even be spending the money on? Certainly not a house (the housing market in Ireland is literally impossible) and not a holiday either.

For a passport to make sense I would need to be able to travel, and quite aside from the No Money thing (see above) I've been fucked over by fate yet again because Mom doesn't trust me to go places on my own. She's only quite recently started letting me take the bus to a town half an hour away with friends. I don't even see the use in asking her to go on a train/plane/ferry unaccompanied because I know for a fact she'd say no. She'd say something along the lines of "we should do this together a few times first" which, understandable, but then she's so tired from work and busy with housework on the weekends that that never ends up coming to fruition. Add to that my crippling anxiety, catastrophic thinking and fear of the unknown, and I have basically conditioned myself into thinking I can never go anywhere more than a half hour's drive away without a parent.

I do not want to learn to drive. My dad keeps telling me I should because it would give me freedom, except no it wouldn't. It's not like I could use his car because he needs to go places too, and I could probably never afford my own car cause that shit is expensive as hell to run and maintain, so I really see no sense in learning. Also, I have the navigational skills of a teaspoon, so I would be basically guaranteed to get lost.

All of this has come to a point where I'm super hesitant to ask for anything because I know that either my parents will outright say no, or I'll end up chickening out because they'll remind me there's probably something I haven't thought of. (Mind, they don't often fully explain what)

And this was fine a few years ago when I had no friends and couldn't see how people actually lived their lives, but as my friends are all telling me about things they plan to do, I guess I'm having a lot of realisations.

The first time a classmate of mine said she was going on a holiday independently with some friends of hers, my first immediate thought was, "Do her parents just not care?" This would've been a little over two years ago, when I and all my class were around 16.

Now, though, I'm realising that teens going places on their own is actually NORMAL and that, big surprise, I'm once again the weird one. I told Mom about this and her response was "there's no right speed to do life at" which is right, you shouldn't do things if you don't feel ready to do them, but I don't know, something about this whole situation feels kinda wrong to me.

Here's the thing that's made me emotional today though.

The big Pride festival in Ireland is on June 29th. I wanted to go last year with my friends but Mom said no because it would be "too crowded" and "what if something goes wrong and I can't be there for you" and all that. And the worst part? She's right. It would have been very overwhelming.

Anyway this year, my friends aren't going, so even if by some miracle Mom's answer was going to change, I would feel awkward not being able to go with anyone I knew. So I'm not even gonna ask.

The way I see it, I can't move on with my life in any way as it stands. I can't release music, or publish books, or sign up to act in anything, until I get my name changed, because I do not want to be renowned under my deadname.

But I also feel like I can't change my name until I move out. My parents say they need to know where I am all the time, to the point where I once had an outing with a group of friends interrupted by a call from my father because I had left with the group from the coffee shop he'd dropped me off at, to a different shop somewhere else, two minutes' walk away.

I don't know. I feel like I have no freedom or independence and I'm genuinely unsure whether this is normal for people my age, or if it's an autism thing, or if my parents (again, particularly my mother) are being weird.

Basically what I'm wondering is

Is it healthy to be in this situation? And if not, how can I get out of it?

Again, I'm really really sorry about this, I know I don't usually get all personal on here but just. I feel weird about this and need some advice or at the very least a virtual shoulder to cry on

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

https://x.com/seokjinbit/status/1823579993265594436

idk if you care, but regarding suga dui (and you did say we would probably update you) there is footage now out and it is as unspectacular as you can imagine. he drives an electronic scooter at less than walking speed and then falls down as he arrives home, police is there to pick him up. according to them, they wanted to simply help him and then smelled the alcohol, did the test and the rest is history.

his testimony and the footage show that he also drove that thing for about 500m, nothing more nothing less.

however, regarding his bac, that might actually be 0.227% or 2.27. in his initial apology he stated that he had a beer, the next newsreport stated that it was above 0.08% (note: they didn't give a specific number they simply said above), which was important because it meant that he would get his licence revoked. a big newspaper stated that the police told them it was 0.227%, neither the police nor hybe have come out to refute that or comment on it. and hybe did release another statement clarifying somethings so the obviously could have.

(would like to note that in some countries you can lose your licence if you ride your bike at 0.227% so this is not particularly bad or harsh or weird)

given the fact that the scooter he drove had a seat that's not detachable its classification is i think that of an electric scooter (there was some confusion over this both on the end of hybe and the police, maybe it is still ongoing), which could mean that in the eyes of the law the case is handled more similar to if he was driving a car. that's more about law stuff and not about the reality of the situation or how it is perceived. the fine he will have to pay will be pretty hefty i assume (but i assume he will have no problem paying it). given the very unspecular nature of the footage i also assume his reputation in korea will recover.

all in all, yeah this is a crime and i don't want to make light of dui (even on something that isn't a car). i think paying a fine and getting his licence revoked are perfectly fine consequences for his actions, but apart from that... what is there really to say?

Thanks for the update! I saw the footage too.

He never said he had a beer though. I've seen multiple Army accounts on Twitter refute that. I don't think he was even the one who said it - might've been Hybe or another source -, but the expression, which literally means having a drink (or a beer?), is used to mean "going out to drink" or something like that. Anyway, he didn't claim to only have drunk a beer. Regarding his alcohol level, if your BAC is 2.27% that supposedly means you are drunk drunk, but he drove in a straight line and only fell because his front wheel got caught in the sidewalk, and he got up fine too... I doubt he was that drunk.

My thoughts on the whole situation: Yoongi drove in a straight line at near walking speed so the chances of him injuring himself or others were low. Let's face it, even if you walk home drunk, which isn't illegal even if you are shit-faced, you can bump into someone, or cross the street without looking (or stumble onto the street) and get hit by a car. A fine is more than enough imo. Getting his license revoked isn't even necessary, because after the drama he went through, do you believe he will ever do that again? Especially with everyone's eyes on him... But I'm not saying getting his license revoked is wrong. Yoongi doesn't even need his license because he has money and resources to have someone drive him around.

Anyway, everyone was having a great time trashing him on Reddit, Twitter, and everywhere else, wanting him to leave the group and saying he would even go to jail lmao, but now the truth's out suddenly everyone's very quiet and no one cares about Suga anymore. Typical.

Thanks for the ask!

[mayomalice]

midnight sun • twilight

6/10

I'd like to start this review by saying this: i am not a knuckle cracker. but if i was, i would be cracking them before i begin my review.

lets get into it starting with the pros of this book before i rip into it with the cons.

for the most part i actually thoroughly enjoyed this book, there were several moments that made me giddy having been able to see it through Edward's perspective, such as being able to get brief glances into other peoples heads and know what they were thinking in that moment, because.. that's literally his power. it brought forth several short almost witty moments- some of them i believe to be unintentional, such as a descriptor for jasper in a moment to be 'and jasper was... suffering.'.

while i am aware of Edward and Bella's relationship being not all that healthy, that doesn't prevent me from loving them together. (because to be frank there are far worse pairings out there). For a lack of better words and words that make me cringe just at the thought of typing, once again, the movies really fail to show how much rizz Edward has. like he was seducing me to be honest, and i'm not even remotely attracted to men.

other than those pros that will conclude the positive section of this review, as i've listed in other book reviews for the series a lot of the same positives apply to this one. that being said, i don't wish to retype all of that once again.

lets move on to the negatives this book had for me.

firstly, Edward is extremely broody. to an eye rolling extent. while yes, i have been aware of that from reading the entire original series, and having watched the movies hundreds of times.. it still doesn't make it any less irritating when he's constantly saying things like 'Bella deserves someone better than me' 'Bella shouldn't be with someone who's killed people (COUGH, rapists).. etc.

secondly, from roughly page 568 until the final page, 658, i hated almost everything i was reading.

the entire scene where they're trying to get Bella out of danger is truly a frustrating read. Edward is a moron who refuses to listen to Alice who's trying to diffuse both him and the situation at hand, which in turn worries Bella further.. Emmet is unsure of what to do as he's sat in the backseat with a now even more stressed Bella.. Edward being no help at all like i said previously as he refuses to pull over so Alice can tell him what they should do for way longer than what should've been touched on within that chapter.

furthermore the car chase scene was torturous to read. why is it that with only a single apart am i being told that the car is driving at 150 m/ph? twice? why is it that you continue to tell me the car is going '160' '170' '180.'... that detail is entirely unnecessary when all that truly needed to be said was something like 'the car was continuing to increase in speed rapidly'.

my next massive complaint has to do with Carlisle and licence losing medical malpractice on his part. now, i love Carlisle. it's not so much about HIM, but mores about stephanie's idiocy regarding topics that she clearly did NOT research before including them in her novel. (something which is not new for her and her writing at all).

the complaints are as follows:

1. the 'she's lost some blood' comment. no shit. both you and Edward are actively kneeling in the pool of her blood which she's actively laying in. she's lost more than 'some blood'.

2. WHYYYY are you doing sutures outside of a hospital?? and how?? and where the fuck do you have to supplies- let alone sterile supplies to do so?? i understand that Carlisle is a doctor but that's not just something you have just chilling in your back pocket or in your car. so once again.. WHAT?

3. WHY do you have morphine on your person to treat Bella with.. morphine is an opioid, and there are legal restrictions that come with that.. as far as i'm aware you would not just have morphine on you, let alone a high enough dosage to treat Bella who has; 4 broken ribs, a broken leg, 2 open wounds on her head (which directly goes back to #2 of my complaints), and a body almost coated in bruising from head to toe. there is NO way.

4. Taping Bella's ribs. first of all, this is no longer a practice that is used as it makes it hard to take deep breaths, which bella was doing, because on top of everything she was also actively turning into a vampire.

5. i understand that they 'couldn't go to the hospital' because of the vampire turning on their hands, but they should've. if they truly had to keep Bella human, Edward should've sucked the venom out on the way to the hospital. in my opinion though, Bella should've just turned then and there. it would've saved everyone a world of trouble as well as once again, saving them the trip to the hospital entirely.

that's all for my medical malpractice complaints, now onto some more general complaints, i'll try to keep this short.

1. how did nobody in the small town of Forks notice the ballet studio having been lit on fire and burned to the ground? it's a small town, people are nosy, people would notice and come to see what's going on.

2. Bella was only kept in the hospital for 9 days despite her condition.

3. no obvious timeskip in the writing to show that Bella had recovered enough to be walking around and able to go to her school dance.

4. a lacklustre, disappointing ending. the final sentence literally being; 'as the night finally overcame the end of the day, i leaned forward again and kissed the warm skin of her throat.

with all that being said, up until the climax i did enjoy reading the book. it's not the best in the series at all, but at least it's not new moon.

[razorblade-skies]

I will add this, if you are social media savvy and are put off by the boomers orgs terrible communication : OFFER THEM HELP ON THAT FRONT.

Sometimes the most knowledgeble fauna enthousiasts can speak for hours about habitats and conservation efforts but can't tell an open agenda public event from their own personal calendar ! Helping older orgs have better communication tools is a really good way to direct public attention to the local real life events !

It's not enough to say "it's easy, just use x y or z service", because it's easy to YOU but to someone even a bit older that can save them tons of time putting an event together, and means a lot for folks looking at the event to know exactly what they can expect !

My go-to list for community event planning under the cut (be warned that I'm very french so most of my tools will reflect that)

A fixed event page that will be the sole online place where updates will be made. Can be facebook, can be Openagenda if your org has an account with them, or even framagenda.

Event page should be concise and clear. WHAT is going to happen (you have no idea how many flyers I have seen that don't explain what an even is even doing), WHO is organising, WHEN and where is it taking place, for HOW LONG, FOR WHOM is the event for, WHAT should the public bring (clothes, tools), and is there any ACCESSIBILITY accomodations or concerns (a late night walk in the woods can be fine for a visually impaired person, but probably isn't the best idea for parents with strollers or people with mobility issues)

It's not mandatory but in some situations (limited place etc) it is good to have a tool for people to sign up. For the love of every thing that is holy please use an open tool and not a google one !! I use framaform to collect a name for the inscription (doesn't have to be an actual name/surname), the number of people in this group, if there are kids and how many, and one email adress to send updates to.

Also copy/paste the most important informations about the event in the form + in the confirmation mail.

If you use a form to make attendees sign up PLEASE RESPECT THE RGPD : tell folks who is getting their infos, why they're going to be used, for how long, and who/where to contact if they don't want said infos to be kept. Not just because it's mandatory, but because I feel like it's good étiquette to tell people what's going on with their data.

JSMUST BECAUSE THERE IS A SIGN UP ONLINE FORM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T TAKE SIGN UP THOUGH MAIL. Lots of folk can be confused by that medium. Don't be dicks, and add them to the list even if they didn't exactly follow the steps.

Always link to the event page when you talk about it on diverse platforms. Keep a note of where you've shared it, so if there are really major updates (date, cancelation, full) you can update them, but minor changes should stay on the fixed event page

Have a contact email fully visible on the event page for questions, and always sign your answers "X, for Y organisation" if you don't have an email with them.

HAVE PHYSICAL COMMUNICATION MEDIA. You don't need expensive good quality paper flyers. Get a Creative Commons licenced picture on wikimedia commons, slap the most important infos on it in a serif-free font with a background for better readability, put the link to the event (you can use a QR Code if you have a trusted generator) AND the contact mail, print it on recycled paper and voilà !

Don't keeo communication online. Go to your local businesses to ask if they can put it in their window. Target shops or businesses with different age groups publics. Go to elder homes, pubs, tattoo parlors, bakeries, liquor stores, libraries (they will probably be thrilled and sometimes offer to print more for you !), driving schools, groceries stores, vets, doctors, schools... You must be prepared to face a few No, but usually people are interested in spreading local events !

After the event, ask attendees if they'd like to be informed of future ones, keep the contact of those who want it, and don't be afraid to ask if they'd like to get involved in concrete organisations too !

I hope it wasn't too much of a derailing wreck, but I recently started helping and working with local orgs and everyone was so thankful that I took those parts in charge because most of them are not comfortable with computers and were at a loss about what to do to spread their events, while it all felt completely natural for me. Being chronically online can be an advantage if you use it to make real life actions gain momentum !

In light of The Situation happening right now in the USA, I highly recommend retreating from social media as much as possible and immersing in real life to clean out the gunk of social media type activism

Try as best as you can to track down some old retired folks who have been doing the activism thing for decades. And just old retired folks who care about anything, anything at all.

This crap with labeling the generations and talking like "boomers" are this way and "gen Z" is that way, it's silly to the point of being dangerous.

Younger generations in USA kind of reject the whole thing about respecting and valuing your elders but the truth is, all different kinds of cultures have these values and they're right. Elders have more knowledge and understanding than you can ever find written down anywhere.

And they WANT and NEED young people to connect with them. Elders are suffering more from our society of isolation than anybody else. And they are energized and invigorated by having young people to share their knowledge, information, and stories with.

So often I have been in a room of people majority over 65, wondering where all the "politically aware" gen Z are. And the answer is, they're on social media, arguing with strangers and stressing themselves out, while the "boomers" are getting shit done.

Social media isolates young activists from the most experienced and knowledgeable of all. And it's a dangerous trap for people of all ages who feel lonely and afraid. Either radicalizing them into hateful ideology and cult-style groups, or convincing them of apathy and pointlessness.

go outside, find the elders that know everything, get shit done. This is my advice

[anotherrandoperson]

currently having a full on breakdown, panic attack thing after driving. it started in the car. I want the freedom of having a license and being able to drive myself places but the way things are with my brain and everything. I don't think me being licenced is a good thing. yeah I normally only have these fucking issues when my dad's with me. but like the car wasn't slowing down when I was pushing the breaks to stop at a yellow and it happened twice in a row and I just kept getting yelled at. so like I'm full on crying in the driver's seat just hoping I can get us home without another issue.

when we finally get home I start breaking down more still on the car, my grandmother calls my dad and he leaves to answer and fucking tells her I'm having issues with driving. but in the way where it's just typical learning to drive jitters. it's really fucking not. AND SHE DOESNT NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS SHIT.

I've told my parents I don't feel comfortable driving that I struggle processing behind the wheel and it sends me into an immediate tense state and stuff. but they don't care they just want me to drive. no matter how often I say I'm not in good shape to drive because of migraines, or mental health, or anything they don't fucking care cause I need my hours so I can get my license.

I'm just I'm so over it. I hate how horrible my mental health and physical health is I hate how fucking hard all of this shit is. I thought I was doing better but it just takes one thing for me to get sent back into the spiral. and like I'm thinking about relapse, I really don't want to relapse, but I just think about if I did would that help would I feel better? I know I probably won't but like what if. I hate how fucking hard this shit is. and I wish I had a person or something to go to for comfort right now that I can physically touch. but my parents are part of the issue and don't actually listen, and like our dog is just kinda not really caring and if I want the dog I have to be in the common spaces. I'm fucking soaked in snot and tears Im just I'm so I hate this. I'm fighting to not pull my hair or claw at myself. and I was actually thinking about cleaning my room tommarow I thought I might be good but now since I got sent into this shit tonight I know imma still be burnt out and not able to get motivation tommarow. and it's my last day of break.

I'm still so pissed off at my dad, not only is he ableist and just horrible to me about my mental and physical health issues because of how they make me "lazy" or whatever, but he had to say something about my fucking breakdown to my grandmother. AND I DONT LIKE HER I RRALLY DONT. most of my family makes me really uncomfortable. no he doesn't know that this is a full on spiral but also like even if it was just a little panic attack he still shouldn't just expose my shit like that. I'm very open about my mental health and everything but that's my own decision hik just telling her about the panic attack I'm having WHILE IM FUCKING HAVING IT without my consent pisses me off and makes things worse.

[genderqueerdiary]

25/03/25

I think things are okie? I'm getting used to Sophie being back, going back to the early morning work and getting back into regular life. I'm still taking a break from poly dating and I think that's for the best going forward. There's too much to work on within myself, I don't want to burden other people and it's already held me back from dating other people.

I have a new batch of therapy from beyond reflection for the next six months which is such a welcome addition. Saves on a ton of money and I can work on identity and gender with this new therapist. Also booked a GP appointment to chat about potential options but I'm not expecting anything THAT helpful...

I'm also working on make up skills as I'm feeling less dysphoric when using it. It's been fun! Although I nearly cried the last time I tried, I looked awful as I'm still learning but, I had recognition of myself which doesn't happen very often. I'm on the right track, just need to stick with it.

From next week, I'll be spending more time away from home. It'll be better for sophie and myself. She'll be able to feel like she can actually function properly and I'll be able to work on my own things, will need to step on driving theory lessons though. Practical lessons are also needed tooooo, I can't keep going like this and certainly can't get a career in canine care without a driving licence.

Also trying to pick up extra time at work but I'm also a little burnt out from everything right now. Getting the balance right at the moment is certainly a challenge. I still need to go to more board game meets, only been to one which was fun but moarrrrr, need platonic friends

Things are positive, just need to stick at it and keep working hard. Easy to say though. I've had to work hard to get to where I'm at currently and that hasn't gotten me anywhere and I'm nearly in my mid 30s'....

We'll see, I really want this to work out <3

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (739): Tue 26th Mar 2024

Up early for an automatic car driving lesson and man this was a real fucking eye opener. Without the constant urge to look down at the gears I could finally drive with zero anxiety. It was like driving one of those dodgems at the fairground. The lesson lasted two hours and the instructor hardly gave me any pointers or things I could have done better, literally all he gave me were directions and instructions. The only thing I kind of struggled with was the parking but since most automatic cars have a screen with built-in reverse parking guidance this shouldn't be a problem. Plus most of the time the car park at my work is half empty anyway. The two hours flew by and at the end of it the instructor told me that I didn't need anymore lessons and if this had been a test he would have passed me. He said that if I'm only going to be using it for work then I should just go ahead and get one but if I ever plan some trips away I can call him and he'll help me get used to the motorways again. After I got home I felt a mixture of elation and sheer anger: elation at the how much easier my life is going to be once I get this car but anger because of how much time and money I wasted on automatic car lessons. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed my time with Joe my instructor who is no longer with us as he was hilarious but I must have paid for about a hundred lessons and failed my test twice before I finally got my manual car licence. The whole time I could have just jumped in an automatic and passed in a fraction of the time. Tuned into tonight's Hollyoaks and when John Paul got too inquisitive about Carter's classes with Lucas (which JP doesn't realise yet are gay conversion classes) Carter threatened to suspend John Paul by making up a lie that he caught him drinking at work. After the episode I wondered if Carter suspended John Paul and said he was drinking at work couldn't he just take a breathalyzer to prove he hadn't? Anywho later on in the episode Carter gets down on his knees and begs Maxine to take him back. I thought it would be funny if later in the episode Declan, the leader of the gay conversion cult Carter is a member of saw the dirt on Carter's nees and said " You've been with John Paul again haven't you?"

[derelictheretic]

How about “Zombie Messiah's Are Too Much Trouble Part 2 (x reader)” 👀

Thank you for asking about this one i'm really proud of how it's turning out!! It's a Murphy x reader (my terrible taste is further supported by other ppl with the same tastes <3) I wanted to see a fic where the reader doesn't just let Murphy get away with everything and there's jusy big love hate vibes all around

"Are you gonna fucking help Murphy?" You ask with a huff of breath, looking at him over your shoulder.

"I thought I'd just stand here and look pretty actually, thank you for asking." He shoots you a pleased grin and you scoff in disbelief.

"For the guy who bitches every time we have to walk more than a mile you sure aren't too concerned about getting this car started." You throw your arms up to gesture at the vehicle and Murphy pushes himself off the car, hands raising to his chest.

"That's not my job sweetheart, my job is to—"

"To be the cure for humanity, yeah I get it, fuck sake fine. Do whatever you want Murphy, I don't care." You snap, opening the door roughly and storming into the house. You walk past Addy and to the set of stairs you see at the end of the hall, stomping up them and into the nearest room. God that man could grind your gears like nothing else, without even trying sometimes. Though it really felt like he put extra effort to push your buttons specifically. No amount of excitement and distraction was worth the grey hairs he was giving you. 

By this rate a hernia was gonna be what took you out instead of Z's.

"Murphy?"

Warren's voice comes from your right and you turn to see her in the doorway, a look of understanding on her face as you seethe in place.

"Murphy." You confirm and she nods, sighing and resting her hands on her hips.

"Just hold out a little longer, he may be a pain in the ass but we need him." She pats the doorway and walks away after you give a stiff nod. You didn't know how much longer you had in you. Guy was driving you fucking nuts.

You sigh heavily, trying to expel your anger with your breath before looking over the room. It was a simple bedroom, not much decoration and only a single bed in the middle of it. You look through the bedside tables before moving on to a handbag laying on the floor. You pause as you pull out a leather wallet, flipping it open and having a driver's licence stare back at you. Just a normal woman with the same dead eyed stare everyone gave for those photos. The stray thought that you may have seen her face in the swarm of Z's yesterday makes an uncomfortable shiver run down your spine.

You shut the wallet and put it back in the handbag, rummaging through the rest of it but coming up empty. You walk out into the hall, pausing at the sight of Murphy at the top of the stairs. He juts his chin up and walks past you, as if he were the one mad at you. You watch him in silence, you had half a mind to follow him and throw him out the closest window. But Doc jumps out of a room at the end of the hall before you can give in to the impulsion, a bright grin on his face and hand held high with a set of keys dangling from his fingers.

"I found them!" He cheers and you can't help but smile, any annoyance disappearing as the infectious energy from the older man seeps into you; and the sight of Murphy jumping out of his skin at the suddenness of Doc's shout was admittedly a bonus.

"Way to go Doc!" You cheer, lifting your hands to catch the keys as he throws them over Murphy's head. Once the metal meets your palm you turn and jog down the stairs, meeting Warren and Addy in the garage. You toss Warren the keys and after the blessed sound of the doors unlocking meets your ears Warren swings open the driver side door and slips into the front seat. You come up to her side, resting your hand on the frame of the car and watching in anticipation as she puts the key in the ignition.

Doc puts a hand on your shoulder as she glances over at you, you can feel the hope bubbling away inside you and you and Doc give her encouraging nods. 

She turns the key.