#doesn't help that I'm in a depressive episode

[rootspiral]

AGATHA ALL ALONG DEEP DIVE: episode 1 part 1

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2])

IT'S TIME TO REWATCH AGATHA ALL ALONG, WITCHES! And as usual, spoilers below.

episode 1, Seekest Thou The Road

Wanda is dead (no she ain't). As a result, her spell is weakened and Agatha has changed from her nosy neighbor character to detective Agnes (or caught the true crime bug, as Herb will put it.)

Stinky grimy Agnes, so serious and depressed. As soon as she appears onscreen she's humming the Ballad.

Detective Agnes has just been recalled to action after being off duty for a while. She was punished for "punching a suspect", which is code for going after Wanda. Agnes points out that now the suspect is a convicted felon, i.e. that she was right after all and Wanda is dangerous and evil. "I can't be right and wrong" she says. "Yes, you can" says Herb, because both Agatha and Wanda are villain and victim. And lol at the police tape symbolizing Herb's fence. You know the poor guy is in his garden looking down at Agnes in her Bonher family tshirt, wondering what the hell is going on.

oh that's a seriously good shot

Agatha looks heartbroken when she sees Wanda's body, doesn't she? She looks so sorry.

Herb (the real Herb behind the illusion) confirms that Agatha is acting different than usual.

THIRD TIME SHE DISCREETLY DRIES HER TEARS

There is nothing funny about Detective Agnes. Or rather, it's funny to watch her because she's so intense, but we laugh at her, she's not being a clown on purpose like Agatha usually is. And Agatha right now is in a lot of pain, even more than usual having completely lost her agency. This character so unkempt, so sad, so doggedly searching for answers, is more true to Agatha's real self than what she usually lets people see. Deep down she's just a tragic lesbian wet rat.

Somebody called in to have the body found, and I think that somebody was Rio. Why would the body be next to the water otherwise? It's like the River of Life laid her gently where Agatha could find her. In other words, Wanda's death brought her to Agatha. I'm curious about these woods too, we know they don't actually exist as this is all in Agatha's head, but where did the idea come from? Are these the woods where she killed the Salemites? Where she gave birth to Nicky? Or where she buried him?

Agatha's victims from the finale flashing throughout the opening. Wherever it may bend, I'll see you at the end.

"based on the danish series WANDAVISDYEN" never fails to destroy me. and it's so clever too, it's like they're telling first time watchers that yes, this seems like a grim detective show, but you clever audiences know that things are not as they seem and this is a parody, right?? this is not serious at all, it's funny! Laugh! Except. It's not funny. It's not funny at all. And you're going to realize only when it's too late. It's the same thing they do with Sharon/Mrs. Hart, they lure you in with laughs only to hit you with heartbreak. This show is not a comedy at all. It's at its very core a senseless tragedy.

Sarah/Dottie lives next door too, was Agatha talking to her through a window, or does the library desk symbolize another fence? This poor woman, hasn't she suffered enough? But they all more or less try to help Agnes, that's sweet. Has anyone from SWORD or whomever dropped in to talk to them, did the Avengers just decide to leave Agatha there? Did Monica (or Ralph) even explain to the poor people of Westview that she's a witch, or do they just think she's a random neighbor who couldn't be saved from Wanda's Hex?

THE MAILMAN CONTINUES BEING SUSPICIOUS. Is Agatha putting words in his mouth, or was he (the "messanger") sent by someone to warn her about the Darkhold being destroyed???

her FACE when she sees Rio

and the way Rio just stares and stares. When you rewatch this scene knowing that this is the first time she gets to see Agatha in centuries... and she has to be cool and she has to be gentle. I think it's deliberate that they put Phil/Harold/Ross Geller in here, because he's one of the funniest people in Westview and it's suggesting a first time viewer to read this scene as a comedy. Except it's a cosmic tale of tragedy and heartbreak, but you're not supposed to notice yet, even if it's right there under your nose.

Stop being such a lone wolf, Agnes. Or rather, stop being such a sad and lonely covenless witch, Agatha.

Rio laughs her delighted little laugh, licks her lips, looks out the window for a moment as if overwhelmed, then goes back looking at Agatha and basically devouring her with her eyes. ("te veo.") (thank you for my life aubrey plaza.) Agatha stares daggers back, but her body language stars getting defensive. She feels very vulnerable.

Yep, defensive. And wistful.

She is doing her job, like always. But she's also going above and beyond. There is technically no need for her to wake Agatha up, but here she is, dropping gentle clues, guiding her with such patience and care.

"If you wanna be in control you can be" is said in such a kind tone, but it's also sexy?? I think Rio really likes for Agatha to take control, in a lot of ways. Her body language is the opposite of what Agatha is doing too.

Oh noes she's making herself so small now. She's like, intrigued and angry and happy and scared to see Rio. They're both being so tentative!! And she doesn't actually know who Rio is because she's under the damn spell, so her body language and feelings are pure instinct. They come from somewhere very very true and deep. (and LOL that mug says "get a clue")

Is this who you are now, Agatha? the intense but lonely detective? she's genuinely interested, because Rio investigates Agatha just as Agatha investigates everybody else. Rio simply cannot get enough of her. and she keeps talking with this gentle, warm, understated tone.

Gains personal space. Keeps staring and staring.

oh now we're leaning. they do this every scene they are together, they keep getting closer and closer even if they don't mean to, like magnets.

Agatha literally bolts to the door and tells her to leave. Rio's presence is so overwhelming in so many different and complicated ways, and she doesn't even understand why that is at the moment. Kathryn Hahn is playing this perfectly straight (no pun intended), there is genuine pain in her voice.

"Te veo", which is not "see you," but I see you, I'm always looking for you, I'm always watching. And I finally see you, after all this time.

Oh, honey.

I'm running out of space again, but I promise I'll continue this tomorrow. Thank you for all the notes you guys, I was not expecting so many! I'm doing this mostly to amuse myself, but it's nice to know that the brainrot is collective 🙃🙃🙃

go to the next entry

[greatwyrmgold]

@minamishimada835

That might be the intent, but it's not the text.

First off, Aqua concluded his revenge in chapter 155, literally saying "My revenge...is over now." Then a few chapters later, he discovered a motive to kill Kamiki that have very little to do with Ai. Aqua killed Kamiki because Kamiki was gonna kill Ruby, and he was going to do that because of reasons that eventually tie back to Ai, but those reasons don't matter to Aqua. He's just murder-suiciding to save his sister.

Second (and more importantly for this post), Ruby et al living the best they can in the wake of Aqua's death is very nearly not depicted. We see Akane and Kana and Miyako and Ruby sad, and then we get a fast-forward montage of them being sad some more, and at some point they stop being sad. If the point of this last arc was Aqua's loved ones moving on from his death, it needed to show the part where they actually moved on, not just a "before" and "after". (And boy howdy did Akasaka linger on the "before" to milk maximum feels out of sad teenagers!)

Ruby gets the worst of this. On one hand, we barely see her initial grief. We see her wordlessly crying in a room alone, and alone wordlessly crying in a room, and wordlessly crying alone in a room some more. As a beat to convey sadness, it works, but it doesn't do much except convey the idea of Sad without support.

Contrast that with Kana's slappy meltdown. That's not just dramatic, it's extremely specific. It conveys exactly what cocktail of grief-ey emotions Kana is feeling; she's angry, she feels betrayed, she almost certainly bottled her grief up until she did something stupid. And while Akasaka should have shown Kana recovering from that grief, we see that it's sustained by white-hot anger; we understand that those emotions can die down on their own, so not showing the recovery is less of a crippling omission.

What does Ruby crying tells us? Well, it's default shorthand for misery, especially with the dark color palette. And that's about it. We needed at least one scene of another character talking to her, trying to help her feel better, to try and wring some actual blood out of the stone. Also...maybe this is just me having more experience with the "crying alone in dark room" kind of sadness than the "yell at a corpse" kind, but I have trouble imagining that kind of grief going away on its own.

Contrast that with (I swear this is relevant) Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury, episode 22. Miorine is sad, but Suletta talking through the door at her not only developed her character but let Miorine clarify her feelings in a way that no blanket burrito could dream of. Also, it shows how Miorine recovered! I think we're supposed to assume MEM-Cho and Kana did the same for Ruby (minus the fiancee thing), but we don't see that happen.

I'm gonna paraphrase a bit from Claire Aihoshiino: Ruby could’ve had a chance to confront her own depression and her unhealthy codependency that hurt her brother so badly. Instead, we get an endpoint in lieu of any real work necessary to get there without any indication that she has learned anything meaningful from this arc or that her relationship with her family has changed at all.

I paraphrased that bit because this has been a recurring problem with Ruby (one I'm pretty sure Claire described better elsewhere but Tumblr's search function sucks). Ruby has the skeleton of a character arc, but we never see any meat. The obstacles and struggles which make a story better than an outline are all handled offscreen if they're mentioned at all. Ruby just kinda glides through the narrative and entertainment industry alike, unfettered by things that might bother Akane or Kana or Ai.

What's the point of putting Ruby through all that if we hardly see any of it? Why make Ruby fight if we don't get to see her win?

The more I think about it, the more baffling Ruby's treatment in the last chapter of Oshi no Ko is.

The last few chapters didn't do much to establish Ruby's reaction to Aqua's stupid plan death beyond general details like "she cried a lot," so I assumed the last chapter was going to focus on that. And I guess it kinda did?

But it fast-forwarded through all the details so we could get to her Dome Concert halfway through the chapter and focus on that. Don't focus on Aqua's death, focus on Ruby's life and what she accomplishes.

As advice for Ruby, that's fine. But as a way to write Ruby, it means we don't feel the weight of Ruby losing Aqua/Goro-sensei. We're told that she cried a lot and stayed in her room a while, but only for a moment. We get a panel in chapter 165, two pages in 166, and then the entire rest of the chapter is Ruby standing up and Getting Over It.

What was the point?

I could ask that about many things in the last arc or two of OnK, but right now I'm asking it about Ruby in chapter 166. What's the point of showing us that Ruby overcame her grief if her grief was never presented as a real obstacle? Why should I care that she got to live the life Ai and Aqua wanted her to if there's no real struggle?

(Why should I care that Ruby's lighting up her fans' world the way Ai did? In the end, what did that do for her? Aren't we back to square 1?)

There's a lot that OnK had yet to properly resolve, and it spent its last chapter telling us about Ruby's awesome idol career. And that's it. And that's disappointing.

[lucadrawss]

Me: washing dishes because I want to cook something

My brother: "Why are you wearing gloves?"

Me: "Because ✨ sensory issues ✨"

My brother:

[ikamigami]

I have such a bad feeling that Sun's going to die on July 16th, it just has that vibe, and/or he learns Dazzle's secret and then dies

Yeah.. I think the same, dear anon..

I have a feeling that Sun will willingly die.. idk what will happen though..

[eggmeralda]

that period of time between south park post covid being announced in 2021 to summer 2022 when everyone got obsessed with truffula flu was moderately heavenly

[one-winged-dreams]

MMMMWATCHA SAYYYYY

[peony-pearl]

Got prescribed some new meds for a while everyone wish me luck

[breadtheft1796]

being a steve rogers fan on this site is really just having to tolerate constant untagged posts hating on characters, ships and moments you treasure, usually with some misogynistic and ableist language thrown in, just to get like... the same three gifsets.

[misfit-among-the-angels]

I wonder if I'll ever move out... Or am i really doomed to kill myself.... I wonder if I'll ever be able to cut out bitch mother from my life. I wonder if I'll ever gonna get actual help and official diagnosis... My mind and my life is telling me negative on almost all of these things....

[oediex]

I wake up earlier than usual today, because I'm not in my own bed. My little sister's already up, I can hear her in the bathroom.

After breakfast, we cycle to the grocery store, and even though it's raining a bit, I'm in good spirits.

We're not even a minute inside or my brain seems to shut down. It's the morning on a weekday, but the place is buzzing. All around me are movement and smells and sounds. I cannot but notice them. All at once. My sister's up ahead already, and by the time I finally get to her, she asks, "Are you okay?" "Too many people."

Tonight, I ask her how she knew. "You looked uneasy," she says. "Looking around a lot and staying behind and close to the cart."

I held onto that thing like it was a buoy in a stormy ocean. The only thing that kept me grounded.

It was still raining on the way home.

[nanabanonana]

never fails that whenever i get insecure, i suddenly want a beta. wish i didn't have to keep telling myself to get over it and just Do.

i'm this fcking close 🤏 to asking my wife if she'll read 23K, half of which is the same stuff only written w different scenes, but i know she's usually not up for it, so i'm trying to refrain.

i just need to get to the part where i decide i'm keeping the new direction bc undoing everything i changed is too much bother and i Changed It In The First Place Because It Wasn't Working As Is!

god, pancho, get fcking over yourself already.

[ilov3b00kss0much]

seen a lot of these. why not.

At 10 notes I post a quick thingy everyday.

at 25 notes I talk more about my book.

At 50 notes I try to drink at least 2 cups of water a day.

at 75 notes i eat two actual meals a day (lunch doesn't make sense, ok?)

at 100 notes, I ask my friends or family to ask me before physical contact (not both!!!)

at 500, I explain my gender identity to my grandparents

at 1000, I promise to ask a friend for help if I'm having a depressive episode. (if you get it here, I will personally come after ya'll with a knife)

at 2500, I tell my parents when I'm having a depressive episode

at 5000, I tell my therapist mayyyybe I should get tested for depression

at 100000000 I ask my therapist for an autism evaluation (I will fuck ya'll up if you get it here its not possible ha)

Edit: y’all may notice I changed it to therapist. Due to a few recent developments (aka my parents are ableist zionist shitholes) it would be pretttttty unsafe for me to do that. So uh. Yeah. Sorry!!!

Edit 2: YOU DID IT. YOU FUCKING DID IT. HOW. FUCKING GOD. JFKDIVKNGRBHJVIJDFKSN *SCREAMS*. NICE TIMING LOL I THINK IM HAVING A DEPRESSIVE EPISODE FUCKING GOD HOW JUST BGHFVDNUJNCJDKSNDCJNDKMSL YOU ARE INSANE YOU ARE INSANE *SCREAMS AGAIN* YALL ARE SUPERHUMANS FUCKING GOD

[sincerity--extreme]

Had an episode and for years now I've developed this coping mechanism (that doesn't always work but I still try to make it an instinct to always try it) to write and draw on a paper instead of on my skin, this time the episode caught me off guard and I didn't had real paper near me so I made it on the tablet instead...

[gothamite-rambler]

Harley smirked, "I earned my psych diploma, boys."

Harley (analyzing the wayne boys): You have depression, daddy issues, mommy issues, chaos issues, insomnia, attachment issues, anger issues and a constant need to make people happy even if you struggle with it.

Dick, Jason, Damian, Tim looked at each other wondering who's she's referring to.

Harley (tight smile): All of ya, it refers to all of ya.

Dick: I don't have attachment issues!

Harley: Jason and I talk a lot, you do. Tim and I talk a lot too, you do. It's perfectly normal though.

Dick glared both his brother who averted eye contact with the man.

Cass: What about me?

Harley: Oh you're perfect.

Dick: She has all of the shit you told us we have!

Harley: She doesn't have insomnia or anger issues, and she's fixed her daddy issues thanks to Bruce.

Cass clapped happily.

Duke (pausing a show on his phone): I was good with my mom and dad, but what would you give me?

Harley: Traumatized, social anxiety, no parent issues, but guilt for not savin' them and a tad bit of depression.

Duke (happy): A tad? I'm doing good then!

Duke returned to watching his show.

Tim (bothered): That's not fair.

Harley: It's not my fault you and ya brothers deal with cripplin' depression brought on by numerous traumatic episodes which leads ya to being easily startled at times, avoiding specific situations and leaves the three oldest sexually confused due to switchin' your pain to pleasure.

Damian sighed relived at the last part while the three oldest Wayne boys blushed because she was right. Duke chuckled slowly, turning into loud laughter.

Duke: Didn't miss a beat, did she?

Dick (blushing): I'm not... that into pain.

Harley (doubtful expression on her face): Don't lie.

The brothers left annoyed that Harley was right, while the therapist pats herself on the shoulder for her therapy skills sticking.

Harley: Joker insanity or not I still got it! I'm getting accepted by better help soon enough.

Duke laughed harder causing Cass to shake her head with a smile.

pt 2

[solarmorrigan]

[cw: weight loss, body image issues/body dysmorphia]

Consider: Steve whose migraines become unmanageable for a while, or who falls into a harsh depressive episode after everything with Vecna, or who experiences reduced mobility or chronic pain due to the many varied injuries he's picked up over the years, or any combination of the above

Steve who loses his appetite and who isn't able to keep up with the workout routine he used to have and who loses weight and loses muscle mass and fucking hates it

He's always been on the lean side, but he hasn't been skinny since probably eighth grade, when he was still gawky and growing into his frame. But this is different; this isn't awkward adolescence, something he'll grow out of, this is the sight of his ribs through his skin and his hipbones jutting out and his wrists getting too skinny for his watch. This is feeling cold all the time and struggling to lift things he used to be able to pick up without much trouble

(It's fear, too. Not just a fear that he'll never get back to where he used to be, but fear that something will happen and he'll be too weak to stop it. Too weak to help. Too weak to protect anyone the way he should)

There are days he can't quite stand looking at himself; can't stand the sight of baggy clothes that used to fit perfectly, can't stand looking at tired eyes staring out of the sharpened angles of his face. He feels insubstantial this way. Like anyone could look right past him - right through him

Eddie never does, though. He never treats Steve differently, except to worry about his health - but never what he looks like. He hugs Steve as tightly as before, kisses him just as hard as before, whistles at him when he catches Steve in the middle of dressing, just like before. Like he isn't disappointed that Steve doesn't look good anymore, like he isn't even bothered

He'll hold Steve, and pull him close on bad days, and he'll let Steve be upset, but he'll never stand for Steve speaking badly about himself. He'll always push back, sometimes gently, sometimes loudly, always reminding Steve that he loves him, and what he looks like is a part of that. Reminding him that Eddie loves it all

"But you can gain it back, if you want to. When you're doing better," Eddie tells him

"What if I'm never doing better? What if I can never get back to where I was?" Steve demands. "What if this is just my body now?"

"Then it is." Eddie kisses his shoulder, his neck, his cheek. "Then I'll help you learn how to love it as much as you did before. As much as I still do."

And he says it so openly, so honestly, that even on bad days, Steve thinks that maybe - maybe he could be okay

[imaginaryf1shots]

Anxious | Lando Norris

WC: 1K

Lando x reader

Summery:(REQUESTED) You’re feeling anxious but lando is there to help you

Warning: Anxiety, a bit of self hate?

Masterlist

Lando Masterlist

You're a very shy person by nature, it was a wonder you and Lando were able to talk when your friends first introduced the two of you. Lando is awkward and sometimes shy, and you like to keep to yourself and very shy. But the two of you have managed to cross those awkward stages long ago, and have been dating for a couple of years. It's easy to say that you know each other so well now, especially since you moved in with Lando.

You help each other through the periods where you're stuck in your mind or where you're feeling down. Lando knows you so well that he can tell before you get into a depressive or an anxious episode, you start being withdrawn, you bite at your cuticles, you don't laugh at his jokes as loud, it's all in the little things. So when the signs start to pop up, he just hopes it's when he's not racing, so he can be there for you.

It's been a while since you felt like this, and like every time you have a period where you don’t feel anxious, you had hoped you won't have to go through this again. Lando is streaming, he's in the next room, and you're here in your shared bed, unable to get yourself to move, to get up, to open the curtains, or to just eat. You want to spend as much time with your boyfriend as you can, even if you go with him to races it's not like you're by his side the whole weekend. You're basically going with your boyfriend to work.

Your mind is raging like a storm, your thoughts are jumbled and are everywhere, tossing and turning. There's this sense of unease that just hangs heavy in the air, filling your lungs. Every breath you take doesn't feel satisfying, like no matter how much air you suck in, it's just not enough. All the what-ifs are making it hard for you to focus on anything.

You debate texting Lando, but he's been by your side the whole day and it's barely been an hour since he started the stream. Your phone is opened beside you to the chat between you and Lando, the brightness is dimmed, but it's the only source of light in the room.

How are you baby?

Do you want me to end the stream?

You barely look at the phone as your mind thinks about all the reasons lendo will leave you, how tired of you he must be and how much he hates taking care of you and you're like a kid always needing his help. Why is he keeping you around? There's nothing good about you? Maybe you should just-

"Hey, love." Lando's soft voice fills the room, you have no idea when he came in, you hadn't heard him. Lando gets on the bed. "Oh, love."

You also have no idea when you started crying, but Lando is wiping your tears away, meeting his eyes makes you cry more, Lando gently manoeuvres you so you're in his lap and he's holding you. He just holds you, and you let yourself cry. You sit there for god knows how long, Lando rocks you to the side as he shushes you, pressing small kisses to your temple.

"Do you maybe want to go sit in the living room?" Lando asked and you shake your head.

"N-no."

"It's alright, just wanted to make sure." Lando reassured you not wanting to make you feel pressured or anything. "We can sit here as much as you need."

"I'm sorry." You mumble into Lando's neck, you're hiding from the world, from him, but not from your thoughts.

"Why?" Lando is confused

"Because you're stuck here with me, its your week off and you should spend it with your friends not be stuck here with me." You tell him, Lando tries to move you but you just hold onto him not wanting to see the look on his face, Lando relents, but if you looked at him the only thing you would've seen is love, care and worry.

"Love, believe me there's nothing else I'd rather be doing than spending time with you." Lando said, squeezing you a bit more. "Believe me I'd rather look at you than those muppets, you're the most important thing in my life, and I'm not stuck with you, I'm spending time with you."

"Still, I know you had plans for this break." Your mind is not that easy to satisfy when you're feeling this anxious.

"And they all revolve around you, so when you want to spend time in, then I'm spending my time in as well." Lando manages to make you look at him, and you don't fight him this time. "Tell me, love, isn't it you that takes care of me when I'm doubting myself and when I'm having a hard time?" You nod. "We both feel anxious sometimes, and we take care of each other, we're a team and I'll be there every time and I'll never be sick or tired of taking care of you."

"I still feel bad." You mutter and Lando gives you the smallest of smiles, he pecks your lips.

"Don't, I love taking care of you." You give him an uncertain smile, Lando moves you so you're straddling him, and just hugs you, you wrap your arms around his neck loosely and hold him. Taking a deep breath of his cologne, it's the same smell on the pillows. It's a comforting smell, the smell of home. Lando's hands run up and down your back in comfort and he feels you relax against him.

"Want to watch something?" Lando asked and you nod against him. "Cars?"

"You know me so well." Your voice is still not back to normal, but it's a step, you're feeling better and with the movie Lando is sure you'll feel even better.

You're both cuddling while the movie plays on the screen, Lando ordered food, and managed to get you to eat something.

"Lan."

"Yes, love."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Lengo is smiling, like he does every time you tell him you love him, it makes him so happy and giddy hearing you say those words.

Your thoughts aren't calm, you're still feeling the effects of the anxiety but it's all calmer now, it's not as intense as before. Like there's a wall being built between you and those thoughts, and that wall is called Leads Norris

Taglist

@gnatthefly . @mochimommy2002 . @llando4norris . @mrswolffs-blog