#doesn't feel necessary idk
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is shinyduo canon in the Trails Gone Cold AU?
(sorry for the barrage of questions in your inbox I’m not okay about your AUs. i too have been consumed by the cave)
as a ship you mean? kind offffff? kinda yes kinda no, i can't decide. i really want gempearl and slabtek to be in this, but also i don't really know if adding romance to this will make it more complicated or take away from the main theme or if it's fine...? like, i love the base state of the au a lot as is....
we talked about it a little, and there were concepts of unresolved feelings and mutual pining. like, gem realized her feelings a lot sooner, but decided to let it play out at its own pace, not feeling rushed to confess and just enjoying what they had. but then pearl died. so they never actually got together and gem never shared her feelings. she waited until it was too late and she was left with nothing.
and that's so gutwrenching!!!!!!!! ah yknow what, screw it they're canon now. like, thinking about it now, it adds a lot to their dynamic (or well, creates the dynamic to begin with), and it doesn't take away anything i thinkkk i hope. and it makes the angst even better...
#idk about slabtek tho. need to think on that one...#i love them to death but they already have a lot of conflict going on and i dont wanna complicate things too much...#leaning towards no...#doesn't feel necessary idk#trail's gone cold au#yagotalk
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theories as to where Grace got the cigarette she was smoking after fucking Max's ghost:
she has actually secretly been an active smoker for a long time and always carries a pack with her
she bought a pack of cigarettes when she was on the run from the cops because she was stressed, and figuring that she had already disappointed the Lord by touching herself and lying to the police and dismembering a body, decided that she might as well relieve that stress by taking up smoking
Max died with a pack of cigs and a lighter on him and they stayed with him when he turned ghost and Grace pocketed them from his clothes after they had sex
she just found them in the school or on the ground somewhere after the Lords in Black meeting, and perhaps her mind made the association between sex and cigarettes and that's how she came up with the idea of giving up her chastity to end Max's reign of terror
Grace had immediately thought of giving up her virginity as the sacrifice after the Lords in Black meeting, and the entire time Steph and Pete are running away and tearfully coming to terms with Steph having to kill Pete to stop Max, Grace is running around the school or off to a drug store for cigarettes because she felt having a smoke after was that necessary
#grace chasity#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#seriously where did she get that cigarette ive been wondering abt it a lot#her being a secret smoker doesnt seem very in character to me#but weirdly i feel like it makes the most logical sense?#itd easily explain why she has cigarettes on her and she seemed pretty comfortable with smoking#she wasnt like coughing or anything. like she couldve done it before at least once.#2nd most plausible to me was maybe that it was actually max's?? but idk doesn't seem that much more plausible than some of the other ones#her looking for cigs could explain where she was when the steph/pete stuff was happening but not necessarily explain the other way around#though maybe she did think it was necessary. grace almost definitely didn't have accurate sex ed and was sheltered#maybe thru like the media that she could watch she just believed smoking after was the expected thing#or some church sex ed lesson she had that combined abstinence only and no smoking messages#idk. it's 4 am. i dont know what im doing.#my posts
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to me, the question of whether hera would want a body is first and foremost a question of autonomy and ability. she has an internal self-image, i think it's meaningful that the most pivotal moments in her character arc take place in spaces where she can be perceived the way she perceives herself and interact with others in a (relatively) equal and physical capacity, and that's worth considering. but i don't think it's about how she looks, or even who she is - and i think she's the same person either way; she's equally human without a body, and having a body wouldn't make her lived experience as an AI magically disappear - so much as it's about how she would want to live.
like most things with hera, i'm looking at this through a dual lens of disability and transness, both perspectives from which the body - and particularly disconnect from the body - is a concern. the body as the mechanism by which she's able to interact with the world; understanding her physical isolation as a product of her disability, the body as a disability aid. the body as it relates to disability, in constant negotiation. the body as an expression of medical transition, of self-determination, of choice. as a statement of how she wants to be seen, how she wants to navigate the world, and at the same time reckoning with the inevitable gap between an idealized self-image and a lived reality, especially after a long time spent believing that self-image could never be visible to anyone else.
it's critical to me that it should never imply hera's disability is 'fixed' by having a body, only that it enables her to interact with the world in ways she otherwise couldn't. her fears about returning to earth are about safety and ability; the form she exists in dictates the life she's allowed to lead and has allowed people to invade her privacy and make choices for her. dysphoria and disability both contribute to disembodiment - in an increasingly digitized world, the type of alienation that feels like your life can only exist in a virtual space... maybe there's something about the concept of AI embodiment, in particular as it relates to hera, that appeals to me because of what it challenges about what makes a 'real woman.' when it's about perception, about how others see her and how she might observe / be impacted by how she's treated differently, even subconsciously. it's about feeling more present in her life and interfacing with the world. but it's not in itself a becoming; it doesn't change how she's been shaped by her history or who she is as a person.
i think it comes back to the 'big picture' as a central antagonistic force in wolf 359, and how - in that context, in this story - it adds a weight to this hypothetical choice. hera is everywhere, and she's never really anywhere. she's got access to more knowledge than most people could imagine, but it's all theoretical or highly situational; she doesn't have the same life experiences as her peers. she has the capacity to understand that 'big picture' better than most people, but whatever greater portion of the universe she understands is nothing next to infinity and meaningless without connection and context. it's interesting to me that hera is one of the most self-focused and introspective people on the show. her loyalties and decisions are absolute, personal, emotionally driven. she's lonely; she always feels physically away from the others. she misremembers herself sitting at the table with the rest of the crew. she imagines what the ocean is like. there's nothing to say that hera having a body is the only solution for that, but i like what it represents, and i honestly believe it'd make her happier than the alternatives. if there's something to a symbolically narrowed focus that allows for a more solid sense of self... that maybe the way to make something of such a big, big universe is to find a tiny portion of it that's yours and hold onto it tight.
#wolf 359#w359#hera wolf 359#idk. processing something. as always i have more to say but it's impossible to communicate all at once#it's a meaningful idea to me and i think there's a LOT more that can be done with it thematically than just. the assumption of normalcy#so much of hera's existence is about feeling trapped and that's only going to get worse on earth and within these two contexts#that's something i really feel for. especially with. mmm.#i don't like the idea that who hera is is tied to the way she exists because it seems to weirdly reinforce her own misconception#that there can never be another life for her.#and all of these things are specific to hera and to the themes of wolf 359 and NOT about AI characters in general#in other stories there are other considerations.#the best argument i can make against it is that she says getting visuals from one place is weird and she doesn't like it. but that's#a totally different situation where it's a further limitation of her ability without a trade off. it's a different consideration i think#when it allows her more freedom. to go somewhere and be completely alone by herself. to feel like she has more control and more privacy#to be able to hug her friends. or feel the rain. it would be one thing if she felt content existing 'differently'#but she... doesn't. canonically she doesn't. and i think that has to be taken into account.#i think you can tell a meaningful and positive story about disability without giving her physical form on earth too#but i think it has to be considered that those are limitations for her and that the way she exists feels isolating to her.#idk. a lot of the suggestions people come up with feel like they're coming from a place of compromise that i don't think is necessary#there are plenty of ways that having a body would be difficult for hera and i guess it's hopeful to me to think#maybe she'd still find it worth it.
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I can't wait to learn more about Vegapunk Lilith. What is Stella's idea of the evil within himself? Does it have to do with his "sins" of creating the Mother Flame and studying the Void Century? Is evil his ambition and desire for peace that is ultimately too rash and short-sighted and leads to catastrophe? Because we know Lilith cares about her comrades. We know that she is helpful and pragmatic. We know she ISN'T defined by greed or violence. So how is she evil? Because I don't believe for a second that she doesn't somehow fit Stella's idea of evil in a way we haven't been shown yet. But I'm so eager to find out what that actually means.
#one piece#one piece spoilers#i guess?#is it a spoiler to say lilith hasn't done anything evil yet? idk#but yeah im so curious about Stella's morality bc he's such an interesting and nuanced character#very fun very morally gray and interestingly not quick to endorse or condemn just about anything#like he says on multiple occasions that he feels as if he doesn't have the necessary information to pass judgement on a situation#that to somebody else would probably be pretty cut and dry one way or the other#especially considering his insight#I'm willing to bet that he had the void century at least 90% figured out despite having maybe 15% of the story#but he both refused to share his speculation and also witheld any judgement in his broadcast#so we don't really know what he thinks it means to be good or to be evil#we know that evil is defiant towards good but will not divert their path just because good affirms it#we see this in Lilith's irritation at Shaka#but she also presses onward despite hating being told what to do by him#if Oda cooks with Lilith then the Vegapunks (especially Stella) will probably become some of my favorite characters#vegapunk#vegapunk lilith#vegapunk shaka#vegapunk stella
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Yk what actually. I'm sick of staying quiet Conya is a perfectly fine ship. I don't understand why people dislike it so much. In early Ninjago? Sure, back then it wasn't the greatest dynamic and didn't really have much in terms of actually substantive interactions. But people are still casually hating on it and putting it on DNI lists right next to ships like Greenflame like they're comparable and I'm sickkkk of it it's been YEARS!! Their dynamic has grown so much since then!!!! They're on the same level as Braincell for me in terms of ships I really like I think they have a great and interesting dynamic!!!! They're cute together!!!!!! EVEN OUTSIDE OF MUDSHOCK!!!!! RAGHH!!!!!!!!!
#ninjago#conya#cole brookstone#nya smith#nya jiang#I will always personally prefer platonic Conya but their relationship is still so so important to me in a way thats very specific#to me being Aro. Like. Idk. It's not exactly QPR stuff bc I dont think they would ever label anything but that also means that I don't think#they would hate a romantic label either!!!!!! Raghhh!!!!!!!!!! They're friends above everything else though obviously 💯💯 theyve always#got eachothers backs#Also i do prefer Mudshock just because Conya doesn't make sense to me w/o Jay somehow in the mix unless there's some sort of messy breakup#involved. And. Jay would never really take that well and it would sort of just sour the whole group dynamic esp since Cole is Jays bestie#and ALL OF THAT just to get two characters together feels so shallow to me shdjsgd. Like. Idk. None of that crap is worth it the romance#isnt anywhere near necessary for the two. Their bond is unspoken and they're satisfied enough w/ what they are right now even if they could#be smthn else#I just dont like the 'Lets ruin/throw away all of our othe relationships for LOVE 😍😍!! Because for some reason romantic relationships are#automatically more important and deep and mean more to us than any other relationship so its totally worth it every time!!!' it feels so.#like. amatonormative. Yk?#anyways ill shutup now I LOVE THEM!!! I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!#they make my aro heart really really happy ok. I dont know jow to explain it but i have another post abt them in the conya tag I think
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feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.
another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.
(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)
when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.
then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.
that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players
(i elaborate under)
red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)
the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again
i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:
so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.
therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen
blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.
if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.
i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)
blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.
all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.
plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun
but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.
k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!
(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#shut up vic#block game brainrot#yes it's long beneath the keep reading no i'm incapable of being succinct#i color coded the important parts though i just wanted to try to be clear#examples are my bread and butter i do programming and math they make everything easier for me to understand#god i hope this makes sense to other people i didn't ask my biological peer reviewer so idk if this is stupid or not#tbh it's just a tumblr post so i guess it's whatever if it is but i put wayyy more work than necessary into double checking timelines lol#(i didn't watch blue today sorry :/ idr if i mentioned in the body of the post but i main red team)#(their energy is just more entertaining for me personally; though i kept an eye on pac once i could multi-watch!)#anyway other team mains feel free to weigh in if i'm making weird assumptions about what the teams are capable of#heaven knows my pov is biased here LMFAO#((for what it's worth i am fully aware this means red team aren't rly underdogs anymore and i super want them to be kicked in the stomach))#((back to the drawing board; what will they do??? I WANT TO KNOW :O))#((seeing them crawling back to victory from being like two pixels on the bar on sunday was great. more of that pls))#idk i've rambled enough#long tags#ignoring daylight savings it's technically one am goodnight friends i hope this post doesn't suck hahahaha...............#OH AND IF ANYONE THINKS I SHOULD TAG SOMETHING FOR FILTER PURPOSES ABSOLUTELY LET ME KNOW#i want to be courteous but i think this post is pretty neutral in tone? but if you think it deserves a tag i will absolutely add it!!!!!
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[ CW Nudity, Robot Anatomy | Censored full under cut ]
Safe(r) sex robo torso update concept idea something. Her metal form is 100% fuckable but here’s like a design for a softer form.
The lines and stuff disappear once she puts on her face plate and activate her "skin" layer. Her neck and limbs don't get a share of said "skin" layer tho. Keeps it interesting.
The boobs and genitals are detachable for reasons.
#my art#cw nudity#based on like. muscles. but idk if that’s necessary#but infinitely hotter than just a smooth clean surface tho#roboobies…#this lucy form will only exist in my laplace robofucker anthology and thats it.#i see 0 reason for an awakened like lucy to make use of this form in other contexts but i may be uncreative#perhaps if she ever does use this form its without the genitals. its just a safer-to-crash-into body#anyways im overthinking this 😭#pussy!!! yay!!! <3#biteable lucy that doesnt make mp lose 7 teeth#forward 9111#concerning touch: only the torso is equipped with sensors so the rest of her metal parts still doesn't feel like anything to her
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been thinking a lot about the structure of the comic lately and i wanted your guys' opinions on this:
#i think maybe i've been trying to keep everything categorized like this when realistically it doesn't totally make sense#with how i have been drawing the comic it means more eventful chapters (like 4) get up to 30+ pages alone!#where smaller parts like 5 and 1 only take a handful of pages#so i wonder if the numbering was ever even necessary at all#idk i wanna hear ur thoughts on this :) ur the audience so u should get a say!#feels weird to call y'all the audience but it's true 😅#also if ur wondering i didn't go with a moons-based system bc 1) i thought rveryone did it so not doing it would make me stand out#and 2) the kits were young enough that i figured they had yet to be taught how to calculate when a moon passes#so not using the moons system was like. an indicator that the fire not only took their family and friends but also their culture#anyways YES please let me know ur thoughts!#max moment
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I think the biggest reason I struggled to connect with the Inquisitor as a character is because of the 'chosen one' trope
#and also bc the inquisitor imo becomes too important too quickly#i like stories where you have to drag through mud for people to respect you#like even in DA2 it's only in the third act where you get some cred to your name#in DAO you're busting your ass saving people and there's still some who'll criticize you#and i didn't feel that with the inquisitor?#like very quickly lots of people are asking help from the inquisition and you're put in this place of savior#and it's weird bc at the same time i'm being told this#by the NPCs and the narrative#i don't *feel* that?#like i know that the inquisitor is important and all but i don't get that feeling#idk how to explain#like its feels like i'm being told how important the inquisition has been for keeping the peace#and how we're helping so many people#but i don't feel that#which is strange right bc i felt that in dao#i got the dwarves elves and mages on my side and like whenever i was done with the main quests and order was restored to that place#and an NPC would be like thank you we'll help you fight the archdemon#i felt like i was doing something important#when the other characters from DA2 and DAI talk about how important the warden was for them it makes sense to me#i think the main thing is that the warden and hawke made me feel things but the inquisitor didn't#i'm playing as Adaar now and it's been more fun than with lavellan#but that feeling of i know the inquisitor is important but it doesn't feel that way is still there#and also i just really don't like chosen one narratives#bc like...ok let's look at the warden#yes the GW are the only ones who can end the blight but the warden is not the only warden there#there's still alistair or loghain#and also you have to really work your ass to get shit done in DAO with limited resources and a bounty on your head#and people will even say that the wardens aren't that necessary#and then you have hawke#who was literally a nobody
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one of the reasons i tend to just sit in my corner here and not venture out very often to engage w others is bc I'm afraid of getting very much attention, and one of the reasons for that fear is because i dont want other gu.zma shippers to find me and be irritated w me for being non-sharing dhdksl, i also just don't want to be seen by the p.kmn community at large bc i feel like they'd think im some annoying weirdo 😭😭
obviously i cannot control what other ppl think of me, and tbh viewing me as an annoying weirdo is probably somewhat accurate fjdksl, but i really do not want to exist in ppls minds like that so I'll just continue to keep to my own little corner for the most part unless i get over this fear shfjfkl
#I RLY DO WISH I COULD BE OKAY SEEING OTHER GUZ SHIPPERS REGULARLY AND INTERACTING W THEM#unfortunately. my brain has decided to be silly about it. and i dont think i can fix it fjdkdl#if it was like... necessary to figure out how to be okay w it then i could probably do it#but since its online in only one space of the internet then i just... use the block button or post filtering feature#i definitely do think some part of me is ficto. idk how to like.... feel abt that for myself and my life but DHDJSKL#I've just kind of been ignoring it and pretending it doesn't exist 😭#but also maybe this is all just a year long hyperfixation and it'll end at some point. who knows!#i kind of hope its the former bc it being the latter would be a little bit sad fhdksl#OKAY going to sleep now farewell i hope everyone has a wonderful day 🫶#dandy.cmd
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wait. wait. wait. ive been staring at ur latest comic for awhile now and i think i've noticed something about the colors? which are amazing, first of all- just gotta get that out there cuz i adore that soft pink and deep green combo
but i just realized that throughout most of the comic u use both in equal parts it seems. to separate bg + fg and such, to highlight characters/objects, etc.
but then when vash gets back to their room, all the walls are that dark green. and, bit by bit, the pink totally falls off. by the end, it's nothing but constant dark green as vash starts to cry
but then wolfwood slams in and he's backed by that soft pink. and suddenly the comic is nothing BUT pink. soft lines and whites and gentle pink tones EVERYWHERE to just. SO tastefully highlight the little details.
LIKE. WAS THIS INTENTIONAL?! i almost wanna guess that it wasn't since all those green panels w vash crying are all closeups focused on his expression so it makes sense to just put the simple green behind it and all attention on him so the pink just isn't Needed
BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE EFFECT IS SO MASTERFUL THAT I WANNA BELIEVE IT WAS ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL
HEHE..... first of all, thank you for looking at my comic so closely, THAT'S LIKE... REALLY SWEET and a huge compliment to hear, thank u thank u
and yes, it was intentional, especially more towards the end!!! in general, the colors are meant to serve as a mood indicator, so a balance of them in a scene would just mean a neutral "okay-ness" and have a functional serve to separate background / foreground / subject matter... deep green signifies introspection or incoming sadness (especially on pg5 when vash cries), and pink signifies wolfwood, which, not an emotion but he is happiness, someone that helps vash lose his doubts in a matter of seconds -- which is why those last few pages are just pink white and lines, and the panels are gone for the majority of it. i wanted to show their unity and togetherness!
while vash still has his issues of just Not saying anything about his loneliness, his feelings are alleviated temporarily with wolfwood's presence and he's just grateful that his paranoia didn't become true, and that wolfwood is genuine, true to his word, when he means he'll be following vash/staying with him. even though it's mission-bound, vash would probably still feel guiltily comforted by that fact.
I'M GLAD IT WAS PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE IN THIS COMIC because i definitely could've pushed it more... i figured it was a minor thing that not a lot of ppl would care for, but more ppl enjoyed it and noticed the colors than i thought, so i'm glad it worked out!!!
#asks#thank you for sending this!!!#and for being so observant and putting it into words -- its really sweet!!!! hehe#ok this bit here is a bit off topic but. i forgot to mention in my original tags. very minor hc but on#p4 when i drew their beds -- ww bed is the left one vash is the right one and his blankets are all folded#bc i feel like vash would develop habits of being able to leave somewhere quickly + abruptly. so he cleans up after himself#everytime he wakes up and has to leave for the day. i feel like he's ran into enough trouble that he's grown accustom to making#sure he's ready to dip whenever necessary. and id imagine he'd leave payment if he books a room for more than a night so when he has#to leave suddenly - the room owners get their pay still. just preparing stuff in advance to not make trouble for the kind ppl#that houses him. idk its a small thing! i just recall those times in the manga where after accidentally destroying a part of the town#vash makes sure to join the clean up crew and help build things up lmfao he takes responsibility. its cute#ww sees him do this for the first time once and goes “that's stupid. we're not going anywhere and we're staying for the 2 nights”#and then he'd realize soon enough that they do have to prepare to book it at any random point of the day if vash gets caught up in trouble#regardless he doesn't fold it all up like vash does since its not habitual to him and in a way hes testing vash to NOT run off and do smth#thatll get him in trouble during the day. rare hopefulness. when they start sharing beds wolfwood doesn't let him fold up the sheets#very minor thing hc sorry for rambling in This space hub all of a sudden.#in the comic also vash gets pink bg panels every time he calls out to wolfwood. happy happy#it's really not a long enough comic to push those aspects... but im glad it was noticed at all -- but ok ok im done done
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I'm currently reading a book about asexuality, and while it's really interesting it also made me think about how difficult things are for others and how easy it was for me. My pipeline was basically just: 'oh no, I'm too ugly for sex, what should I do' -> 'wait I don't even mind that too much, I don't feel like I'm missing anything, that's great' -> 'oh no, someone wants a (sexual) relationship with me and I hate the thought' -> 'wait I'm probably ace then'
Yeah, and that was pretty much it. (Well, to be fair, this happened over a period of like 13 years, so not exactly quick, but...) Though it doesn't really matter to me anyway...I haven't really given the whole matter much thought for years. Things are just like they are, as far as I'm concerned, but it's still helpful if there's a term I can use to make others understand my situation. Well, more or less. Alright, my family doesn't really know, but they probably think I'm just too much of a loser to be in a relationship, lol.
#asexuality#tbh i could have done without someone basically telling me 'you're not able to love & feel love' though when i was like 17#yeah thx i very much am but probably not in a way you might understand??? but do i care about that? no#still not sure about the romantic aspect tho...i'm not craving a romantic relationship but i'm not against it so idk#(disclaimer: yeah i know that being ugly doesn't necessary stop one from having sex...and i also don't think i'm ugly anymore)#(though now it doesn't really matter anyway lol)
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part of me that wants to know so bad how characters like karlach (and wyll, to a degree) who have been like. super affected by zariel's Horrors. would react to her redemption. or meeting her post-redemption.
#🜂. ( ooc. )#to a degree i feel it's a bit of the darth vader situation#the universe decides there's still some good in him but that doesn't mean leia doesn't hold alderaan against him forever#but zariel doesn't die so there's more to say about it i'm sure#she's???? a really interesting villain idk i always have played her in that way where she's like.#very convinced that what she's doing isn't GOOD but it is NECESSARY or otherwise like#righteous. y'know. she's gonna destroy the abyss and then turn around and take down the hells as far as she'd tell you#(this is a colossally stupid plan but she's not really... wise... she's just Determined As Hell and extremely pissed)#'i did what i had to do' ect ect but i imagine her victims don't take a ton of comfort in that#+ the guilt of feeling like she's the reason why the hells can damn people in the first place#because trial of asmodeus ect.#very human emotions for someone who's never been human but i think that's what makes her cool#fell because she didn't have the detachment that the rest of the heavens did#some of this gets played with in descent into avernus for sure but i want. more
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I'm coming to the horrifying realisation that if Nikolai stops obsessively loving Fyodor, I'll stop obsessively loving Fyodor while I'm working through what that looks like for him. This is not good. I really need the comfort of blindingly loving a comfort character rn. I can't deal with not loving Fyodor as much as I used to and oh God is this what Nikolai has to go through it feels so emtpy-
In short, Nikolai's healing, and I'm getting worse.
#bsd#bsd nikolai#I just want to obsess#and maybe if my brain would just focus on the timeline I want it ti#when their relationship was so codependent and Nikolai relied on Fyodor so much for emotional validation#and loved him with all his being and then some#and Fyodor comforted him so much#maybe if I could get back to that part in the timeline I'd be okay#but no#no my brain wants only the pain and suffering of the growth necessary for healthy change#I don't want healthy change#I want to stew in misery with my comfort characters so my irl pain doesn't feel as real#and feel the comfort they give each other even though it's not and will never be enough#that hurts but it's not a bad pain#*this* is just... there's an emptiness to it#is this what it's supposed to feel like?#does this help me with Nikolai?#or am I just suffering for no good reason?#...idk#I want to go back to pre-canon#but idk how#my entire process is riding the waves of wherever my mind takes me#which is organic and leads to great characters eventually#but also means I don't get to decide what I'm working through with my characters#and I have to feel Nikolai's emptiness too...#and I don't have Fyodor to make it better anymore#here's hoping I can speedrun the 'they try their relationship again but healthily this time' part#...I can't begin to describe the horror of looking at Fyodor through Nikolai's eyes and feeling just... nothing#well nothing but a vague empty sadness ig
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i feel like a lot of online discourse boils down to people asking, over and over again, with increasing panic, "but who is it okay for me to hurt? who is it okay for me to hurt now?!" because "noone" is simply not an acceptable answer
#discourse#is I guess the only thing I can tag this#like sure if you're making jokes and you're trying to make sure you're punching down like I get that?#but also I feel like 24/7 punching is not a great thing regardless of direction#sometimes you can just. not punch.#it really should be whom can I hurt but it doesn't have the same pizzazz idk#its like I was talking in a discord server about being self conscious about my accent#and someone joked “no it's only okay to bully the *posh* English accents”#and like on the one hand yes I agree#but on the other hand I'm actually now even more unwilling to speak in front of you#so idk how much of a win that is#and obviously that's the most innocuous and minor incident but I do feel like I am literally never going to be in a call in that server#I just feel like it isn't necessary to build a big chart of “the people it is morally good to be unkind to”
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I'd have to say one of the cutest, novel moments in a romance manga I read recently was when one of the characters noticed the other's behavior and thought it seemed like the other character had feelings for him, but then he told himself off for making assumptions about other people's feelings lol
#coyo speaks#it just felt like something you don't see very often#especially just like... where it's not a moment of him being all cool like I know you're in love with me yada yada#but that very grounded moment of like recognizing the signs but not wanting to make assumptions#I think the only thing I'd really criticize about that manga is that I don't think the sex scene was necessary#it's not that notable ig while reading it#but if you think about it for too long it happened way too early in their relationship#for context the one who caught feelings was a cat who ~wished to be human~#but like... he's been human for like a few months at MOST#He just has a lot less understanding and reference than your average virgin#and he wasn't the one who initiated and he seemed confused the whole time#idk I just feel like a character who has ZERO frame of reference for how relationships work should've properly taken things slower#although that's framed weird bc like I said it's not him that pushed things that fast#and I think it would be different if he was the one who initiated things where like maybe he doesn't really understand it#but he wants it whatever it is#I just really think he should've been setting the pace as the one with the least experience#as it stands I don't feel like he even knew enough to know what he wants#so for someone he has such strong feelings and trust in to be like 'I'm going to show you something good'#he's not very likely to contest that... if his partner says it's good and he can't really figure out his own feelings#then obviously it must be good regardless of how he feels#thinking that hard about random single volume BL manga is never going to turn up great results tho lol
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