#doesn’t help that i listen to it 54 times a day

[karamamazov]

I’M NOT SCARED OF GOD I’M SCARED HE WAS GONE ALL ALONG

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

part 2 of feeling this?

Hi! I hope you like this! I want to turn it into an actual series as long as people like it:)

Feeling This - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader - Part 2

Part 1

No warning, just Fluff and Ethan being a sweetie pie🥹

Summary: Ethan helps you study

Ethan was so giddy as he walked back to his dorm that night, he felt like he was floating instead of walking. Chad high-fived him when he mentioned how he went back for the kiss.

“Yes, dude! I’m proud of you!” Chad said, as Ethan sat there beaming. “You never know, you might not be a virgin forever after all.”

Ethan’s face dropped a little, “I don’t want her to think that’s what I want from her, ya know?”

Chad took in the tone change, looking over his friend’s face, “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, most people in relationships sleep together. If you guys get serious, it could happen.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I just want to get to know her, and hopefully she doesn’t think I’m a total fucking loser,” he sighed, flopping onto his bed.

“She doesn’t. Saturday will be great,” Chad said, Ethan’s face starting to perk back up.

He heard his phone ding in his pocket, he pulled it out to see a text from an unknown number. After reading it over, he realized that it was you.

You: Hey, I got your number from Mindy…I hope you don’t mind.

You: Thanks for walking me home😊

Ethan: Of course😘

As soon as he sent the kiss-face, he felt like an idiot. The last thing he wanted to do was come off too strong.

You: Goodnight😘

His heart skipped a beat in his chest when you responded with the same emoji, but he decided to lock his phone before he did anything to actually embarrass himself.

You woke up earlier than you normally did the next morning. You usually don’t have time to stop for coffee on the way to class, always having to settle for your roommates Keurig to get the energy you needed to get through the first half of the day.

As you walked into the coffee shop, you bumped into Chad.

“Hey, good morning!” he greeted, and you started to wonder why he was here. He seemed like he already had plenty of energy before 8am.

“Good morning,” you said, the groggy tone in your voice making him laugh.

“Not a morning person, huh?” he asked, grabbing the cup from the barista.

“Not really. I woke up early today, so I have time to get coffee before class,” you said, before placing your order.

“Well, I gotta go. I need to get this to Tara before her first class,” he said, you sticking your bottom lip out at how cute that was.

“That’s so sweet! I’ll see you around, Chad,” you said, waving to him as he made his way towards the door.

After you got your coffee, you went to your first class. You listened to the professor talk about how so many of the students failed the last test, and that a lot of people are going to be surprised when the grades are posted. You started to feel sick as you thought back to the test, knowing that you were most likely one of the students that didn’t pass.

After making it through the rest of your morning, you decided to go to lunch with Mindy. That’s when you got the notification that your new grade had been posted.

“Fuuuck,” you groaned, seeing a 54 in bright red.

“What’s wrong?” Mindy asked as she sat across from you.

“I just bombed this test for my Philosophy class,” you sighed, as Mindy started to smile.

“Ethan took that class last semester. Ask him to study with you,” she said, taking a bite of your food.

You pulled out your phone, pulling up the message thread with Ethan.

You: Hey, how did you do in Philosophy last semester?🧐

Ethan: It was hard, but I passed it.😅

You: Wanna help me study?

Ethan: Of course. When?

You: I don’t have any morning classes tomorrow, if you’d maybe want to meet in the library?

Ethan: I have a morning class, but I could meet you at 10?

You: Perfect, I’ll see you then😊

“You’re a genius, and I love you,” you said to Mindy as you locked your phone.

“So…Ethan walked you home last night. How’d that go?” she asked, desperately wanting some details.

“He walked me to the door, and came back a few minutes later to kiss me,” you said, smiling as you thought back to it.

“I don’t know if he actually needed Chad and I’s help,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “He’s had a thing for you for months. He never shuts up about you.”

You blushed at her words, loving how sweet he was.

After lunch, the rest of the day flew by. The exhaustion set in as you tried to work on your assignments, passing out on the bed with your laptop in front of you.

When you woke up the next morning, you checked your phone, noticing a goodnight text from Ethan. You were a little bummed that you weren’t awake to respond, but once you noticed the time, you jumped out of bed and quickly changed. You had fifteen minutes to get to the library to meet with Ethan, and you didn’t want to be late and waste his time.

You ran into the library, scanning the room for the curly-haired boy. He was sitting at a table, working on his computer.

“Hey,” you said, taking a seat beside him.

“Hey, this is for you,” he said, handing over a coffee.

“You got me coffee?” you asked, taking a sip. “You got me my favorite drink.”

“Yeah, my roommate is a stalker and listened to your order yesterday to pass it along to me,” he laughed, as he started to type again.

“It’s really sweet that you did this for me,” you said, pulling out your computer. “And it’s really sweet that you’re taking time out of your day to help me.”

His cheeks had a pink tint to them, “I get to spend time with you. I don’t care if it’s just to study.”

Your heart swelled at his words as you pulled up your assignments, showing Ethan the most recent score on your test.

“Holy shit,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s okay, we’ll get your grade back up. I’ll study with you every day if we have to.”

“I hope I can get it back up. My scholarship kind of depends on my GPA being at least a 3.5,” you sighed, as Ethan looked over to you.

“It’ll be fine. Okay, Introduction to Philosophy…”

You studied with Ethan for over two hours, the both of you accidentally skipping lunch. He was a great tutor, but every time he got closer to you to explain something, you felt your heart race.

“I’m sorry, but I have to get to my next class. My day is full tomorrow, but we can spend some time studying before our date on Saturday if you want,” Ethan said, putting his laptop in his backpack.

“That sounds great. Thanks again, Ethan,” you said, standing up and giving him a hug. He pecked your lips as he pulled away, the simple gesture giving you a severe case of butterflies.

“I’ll text you later,” he said, walking towards the exit.

Your smile was huge as you stood there, taking a second to enjoy the feeling before packing your stuff to head to your film studies class.

[gangplanksorenji]

19:01

Pairing: LE SSERAFIM Kazuha x Male Reader

Word Count: 3670

A/N: Hello Orenjideul! I was really consdiering writing this and after listening to "7PM" by BSS, I knew that this was the time so, here it is! Hope you enjoy this short fluff piece with Zuha (btw, she looks very stunning this comeback) and it's clearly inspired with that song in mind. Enjoy!

-----------------------------------

“Come meet me at seven,

And stay ‘til eleven

But won’t go to bed then,

‘Cause this feels like heaven—”

---

Time is ticking as you watch the busy metropolis lights emitted from the distance, so as the moon appears in the night sky that's once emanated by the bright sun.

Rustling leaves and the cool breeze match the silence of your unhurried footsteps, determined to meet someone that’s exceptional, way beyond exceptional—you just can't seem to define the exact word but it'll do.

Taking a look at your watch, it displays “6:54”.

“I don't need to rush getting there, there's still some time left.” you said to yourself.

You hurriedly get your phone from your pocket and read the last messages with her and you're glad your memory isn't failing you.

---

zuha_kang: “Come meet me at 7 PM, Oppa. In the usual restaurant we've been eating at, see ya! <;3”

Well, what is she having in store for you?

You'll never know as sometimes, she's unpredictable. Looking for patterns can't even let you read her like a book, not even the tiniest bit.

She does invite or text you to spend some time with her somewhere and same as you also do it to her but this time, it's out of the blue—knowing how she's with her friends today until, maybe, the end of the day.

Knowing the latter was none of your business but you just can't let these thoughts out of your head.

Have you done something wrong? Is she preparing a surprise for you? And way a lot more.

These are just one of the many thoughts but you won't let yourself overthink this much, not when she's all over your mind after another exasperating day of school and to deal with such boisterous and annoying classmates.

Kazuha—that's her name. The girl that you've been scared of when she's staring blankly and sternly towards you and the girl that made your heart beat a trillion times. She's such a sunshine and a clingy girl whenever she's near you and also with a flexible and clever mind—maybe her years of ballet helps with the way her brain coordinates things. Also, her beauty is way too captivating for your eyes—her simple-yet-so-elegant visuals always makes you in awe.

Your eyes wandered around the spacious conglomeration of concrete and grass all over the park, finding her as your eyes now focused on the benches, on where she’s sitting.

Not here, not there, oh! There she is—

Your eyes automatically averted to her—knowing it’s her and it’s probably your instinct recognizing her distinct features, even from a mile away.

“Hey Oppa!” her tone is surprisingly vivid, unlike the casual, cold greeting of her whenever she sees you.

Her face is also enthusiastic, her delighting gaze and her wide smile making you feel butterflies on your stomach—it almost feels surreal yet you’re loving every second of it. She then rushes to hug you tight as you quickly reciprocate the hug, making her squeal softly and silently, almost inaudible.

“Hey Zuha… You came to s—oh wow…” Your words were cut by the sight of her mesmerizing beauty, admiring her and stunning you on the process—her features on-tact as the gray-colored blazer-like coat compliments her looks very well alongside the black long sleeves and the pearl necklace being the cherry on top.

“Like what I wore, Oppa?”

“Yes, Zuha. You look fantastic. So incredibly fantastic…” Your eyes are still spacing out, as you’re still star-struck by her beauty.

“Uhm, anyways. You came to see me now, huh?”

“Yeah, I suddenly like, I don’t know, like—uhm, hmm, just want to hang out with you, y’know?”

Did she hit her head or something? Something doesn’t feel right; there’s a disturbance within the force—

“Well, you’re lucky that my boss is in a good mood today and agrees to let me leave work earlier, heh.” You scuffed a breath out, making sure that Kazuha knows how lucky she can be to meet her at this exact moment.

“Well—” Kazuha held both of your hands as she looked at your eyes, endearing enough to make your heart melt like butter and pouts right after. “—I’m sorry about that then, Oppa.”

“Nah Zuha, you ain’t sorry. It’s alright.” You scoff and smile right after yet you then feel unnerved suddenly. You don’t exactly know the reason but maybe it’s just the fact that Kazuha is acting not-so-herself today and you can’t help but notice it and she’s not even hiding it, even the slightest bit. You didn’t really mind it as you’re liking this affectionate and clingy version of hers.

The both of you then walked your way around the park as you continued to blabber and chat about multiple things like “How did your day go?” and more.

Within a couple of minutes of strolling, Kazuha stopped from her tracks and looked at your eyes, staring endearingly right into your soul as a serene smile painted her face.

“Oppa…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really know why I suddenly called you to come here?”

“Zuha, tsk—” you clicked your tongue as you feigned confidence, knowing why she called you here suddenly as you let your intrusive thoughts win.

“—you said that you wanted to see me and… oh…”

Kazuha taps your shoulder, raising her eyebrows as she smirks with that sudden realization of yours, maybe her thinking the same thought as you were thinking.

“Maybe you know now? And why did I sit on that specific bench?”

“I know, I know. Ahhh, this is where we—first met. Yeah…”

The both of you shared laughs alongside the sincerely delightful smiles as you reminisced those times when you first met her.

---

Speechless. You're just speechless on a single minute of eavesdropping about your parents' quarrel over the front door. 

It was supposed to be one of the best days of your life as you'll get to see them after a year of living away from them because of college and to your surprise—well, you're going to surprise them yet the tables have turned pretty quickly—your mother found out that your father is cheating with another woman and with that single information, you felt stabbed at the back.

You've never felt this much pain and anguish in your life—you feel defeated and angry at him, and even, yourself. You had nothing to do with this yet you feel guilty of making your father do such a cruel act—because you chose to pursue your dream, to study the course that he never wanted you to—yet you tell yourself that it was never your fault. 

Yelling and loud thuds can be heard inside the house as you feel the presence of them going near towards the front door. You swiftly hid behind the white brick-chiseled concrete post as tears involuntarily came out of your eyes, another stream following as you can just inevitably hear them argue. You then heard your father starting the engine of the car from the garage, knowing that he's going to leave your mother alone. This then sent you into your breaking point.

You were driven by your own emotions and so are they as you quickly ran away from the house and even though if you try to stop them or even appear, things may get even worse. 

You just don't know what to do at that point.

You're scared.

Confused.

Broken.

Defeated.

Angry.

More emotions run down your veins as you can only think of running away as far as possible where you can't hear nor see them. 

You curse yourself as you wail on how unfair life could be. 

How unfair life could be…

The nimbus clouds are getting darker, signaling that it will rain soon. You didn't care to say the least as you feel enervated and sad. You then sit at a bench on the park where you are right now as you lay your head down and possibly think of what you could've done wrong.

Rain starts to pour as you feel droplets of water meet your skin as the rainfall gets heavier all of a sudden, you crying alongside the weeping clouds of nature.

You just sit there, lost and done as you feel nothing but pain when suddenly the feeling of the raindrops meeting your skin stops.

Did it suddenly stop raining? Or…

“Hey, sir. I’m afraid you’ll catch a cold.”

A voice. A voice lingered to your ear as you’re not hearing the voices inside your head but rather, a person holding an umbrella, preventing you from getting wet even though you’re soaked in it.

You looked up and saw a feminine figure with her grayish-colored blazer alongside her black denim pants. You can’t clearly see her face as your eyes were fogged by the raindrops and your tears but you instantly felt a magnetic connection between her.

Oh, love, that’s what you call it—more like it’s called “love at first sight”.

You never really believed in that saying once you heard it from the start, not until it happened today. You heart beats a trillion times more than what it should be—it can maybe surpass tachycardia at this point—and you can’t help but feel a little bit of hope on what this angel did.

“Sir, are you alright?”

She still keeps looking at you, still holding her umbrella up as concern is evident in her tone. You just kept your head down, not even bothering her yet deep inside, you feel butterflies to your stomach—a feeling you’ve never imagined was true.

“Sir?”

“No.” A cold “no” was just your response. Your tone wasn’t anywhere near being intimidated nor being uninterested but rather nearly just monotone. You can sense that she wasn’t bothered by your current mood as she knows what’s up with you—she respects and knows how she can make you unprovoked even though she’s practically just a stranger in your eyes. 

Within that awkward minute, she lends a hand to you, reassuring you with her saccharine smile as you momentarily smile back at her, yours is more vexed considering what you’ve been feeling today. With a little bit of hesitation, you held her hand as you stood up, you then wiping your tears to see her clearly and time went slow as you saw her enticingly beautiful face. You were starstruck and in awe as her sharp and distinct visuals sent your brain into haywire. 

“Thank you…”

“No problem sir. Oh, by the way, I’m Kazuha.”

“I’m Minsung. Nice to meet you, Kazuha.”

The both of you then bowed at each other as you smiled at her, a little bit more gleeful than before. Feeling comfortable with her all of a sudden, you then started another talk with her as you initiated to hold the umbrella for her. She finds it rather flustering as your gentlemanly actions made her shy, earning yourself a delightful grin.

“Why did you bother talking to me?”

It’s singlehandedly awkward with what question you spat out of your mouth and even Kazuha remained silent yet smiled even though you radiated a gloomy aura—she rivaled it.

“Uhm, I just saw that you’re the only one at the park and, I said to myself, “Why not approach him and maybe do something?”, so… yeah, I just suddenly felt bad.”

But who on Earth would mind approaching you while it's raining? Apparently, it was her, and you can’t help but be enlightened with just her simple action.

“Oh… thank you I guess…”

You feel like you don’t deserve to talk with this angel in front of you but you definitely deserve a girl like her. 

A girl like her is someone you can talk to when you feel alone.

A girl like her is  someone that can cheer you up whenever you're feeling down.

And, a girl like her is someone that you can always lean on whenever you're struggling.

She's maybe the one you've been looking for and she's maybe checking the boxes of what your type of girl would be.

Even though she's still a stranger in your eyes, it uncannily feels like the both of you had been best friends for years and that feeling could never be better.

“Mingsung, don't you mind going to a shade there at the corner? The rain may get worse and we can't afford to be wet, and you, to be wetter.”

“Oh, sure.”

The both of you then waddled your way to that concrete shade at the exit of the park as the both of you sat down comfortably.

“Oh, I'm kinda shy of asking this but, I think you're older than me—are you older than—uh… me?”

“Oh, I'm born in 2002 and how about you? I'm very sorry I called you without honorifics—”

“It's alright, Oppa. Also, I'm sorry too for not calling you with honorifics. Anyways, I'm born in 2003.”

The both of you sighed in relief as you laughed it off about your earlier mistakes. She didn't mind your mistake and so is she, and that makes the guilt in your heart loose.

“Hmm, Kazuha—”

“Yes, Oppa?”

“I suppose that you're not from Korea, right? Or am I missing something coz' like your name isn't Korean at all, maybe for me.”

“Oh, I am really not from Korea, Oppa. I'm originally from—”

“Japan?” you precede her actions as a knot in your brain tells you that she's Japanese but are you really right though?—

“Yeah, I'm from Japan, Oppa. Mainly in Kochi but I grew up in Osaka most of my years.”

“Ohhh…”

The both of you converse for a little while as delightful laughs and giggles emanated around the area. You didn’t mind the time passing and so is rain pouring as the both of you share your common traits, wants like music and hobbies and a lot more. You became so hooked on your conversations with her that you didn't even notice that the rain was slowly fading in intensity and eventually, it stopped.

“Oh, the rain has already stopped, Oppa and oh, I gotta go right now, sorry…”

She hurriedly readied herself as she was about to leave until a voice escaped from your mouth.

“Oh, Zuha…”

“Yes, Oppa?”

You fidget your fingers on to the hem of your shirt as you're uneasy and shy to ask her the thing you’ve been longing for since the minute you’ve engaged in a conversation with her. 

“Ah-ha-ahh, if you don’t mind this Zuha—uhhh—can I get y-your number?” It may seem haphazard and out of the blue for you to do this as that’s what you hoped on what Kazuha may feel yet it absolutely had an not-so-unanticipated turn which you’re not sure on what to feel about.

“Sure, Oppa.”

You couldn’t be happier as this feels oh-so-surreal. Tell yourself that you’re overexaggerating but you can’t help but feel butterflies on your stomach. It has been awhile since you asked for a girl’s number and at the end, you even got rejected. With Kazuha’s simple action, that previous anxiety and scar of yours slowly healed into its original state—your heart filled with bliss and assurance that everything will be fine, again.

You rushingly gave your phone to her as she typed the digits onto your contacts and saved it there. A smile paints your face as this is a sign of further reassurance to the test that broke you earlier. You waved goodbye to Kazuha as she hurriedly waddles away, waving back to you as you can see her getting farther and smaller from your peripherals.

Zuha-yah~, thank you for entertaining me…

Yes. You’re thankful for her entertaining you despite the awkwardness in the rain earlier. In both ways, you felt a sudden connection, a magnetic one towards her. You felt the raising of your heartbeat and the thrill of excitement and you just can’t get rid of it. It must’ve been hard today after such an heartbreaking sight earlier but with a sudden angel, like her being the shining light of your abyss full of darkness, it was everything you could’ve asked for and you're grateful for that.

------

“So, did something happen when you got home, Oppa?”

“I was really hesitant on going home, like, really hesitant but I had no choice—I didn't want to sleep in the streets since it was cold back then, so… yeah, I did go home and to my surprise, they were acting all along!!”

Kazuha was in shock as a puzzled expression was shown on her face. You giggled because of her as she scrunched her eyebrows, still can’t process and believe what she just heard.

Yes. It is surprising. Roller-coaster of emotions, huh? I’ve felt that too, reader. Well, it was out of the blue, to say the least because everything felt more than real. You completely unravel the truth to Kazuha as it was unbelievable as the first listen, let alone to you, ingesting the sudden happenings at that moment. Your parents acted on a heated quarrel in order to surprise you because they know you’ll come. How did you know that they were a plan ahead of you? Well, there are two things to consider: the first one is that they told you right after they surprised you and second, it’s just the knot in your brain telling you that it’s an instinct that you’ll plan to surprise them. It was a sudden relief of a weird predicament that happened, and you couldn't be any better realizing that it was all just an Oscar-worthy performance from your parents. 

“Oh my gosh, Oppa. I can’t believe they did that! Woah… I wouldn’t expect that too if I were in your shoes…”

“If you only knew how real that was, you would bawl your eyes too.”

“Yah, Oppa. Stop making me think about that~”

“Sorry—ahh… Come here, Zuha.”

You invite her in a warm embrace as she quickly joins you. Kazuha’s cheeks hint a rosy pink as she gets shy from your affection. It was nothing new but nevertheless, it just makes her way too endearingly pretty. Still in your embrace, she hitched a breath as she prepared herself to say something.

“Oppa, back to when I was saying, you know the other reason why I suddenly called you?”

“What is it, Zuha?”

All you can see is Kazuha reaching from her back pocket, handing a small, red, rectangular box towards you and then flashing a smile.

“Open it, Oppa. It’s just my small gift, for you…”

You knew from the moment you saw the box that it was a gift from hers, yet not knowing what kind of gift it is. It could be anything small that you could think of: a necklace, a bracelet, a  ring, a watch and the list goes on and it just pushes you into further anticipation. You then gently untie the ribbon and open the lid on the box as you can see Kazuha’s vivid expressions: her smile full of glee, her eyes sparkling in anticipation and her hands fidgeting and uneasy.

“Woah, Zuha…”

“Do you like it, Oppa?”

Before you could answer, your eyes scan the distinct details of the bracelet as the metallic sculpting of a cursive-like calligraphy of your name luminates from the dimness around. You can clearly see your favorite colors in the bracelet—which is blue and gray—which make it much more appealing to you as you appreciate Kazuha's efforts in giving you one. 

“You've played a big role in my life, Oppa. I'm just so grateful for meeting a guy like you, so, I reflected on myself and I wanted to give you something that would be memorable to you.”

Kazuha's eyes hint a glint as the emotions run down her veins, letting it speak for herself. She still anticipates your reaction as her furrowed eyebrows are one of the evidence of it.

“So, Oppa, did you like i—”

“I love it so much, Zuha.”

You suddenly hugged her with the only aim to show how grateful and thankful you are for receiving a gift from hers. You pull out of her embrace as you cupped her cheeks, adoring her and flashing a blissful grin. This moment leads to something magical, bizarre from the usual bonding the both of you have been into like playing some arcade games or more likely, watching the movies. Sure, it is heartwarming but nothing beats this moment on how it feels everything you've asked for, and you're loving every second of it.

“Thank you so much, Zuha. I'm grateful for meeting a girl like you too. If you only knew how much I love you, only if you knew…”

“But I always knew it, Oppa… Here, in my heart, I know it.”

You felt moved by her sentence as you kissed her forehead, letting her know how much you love her and how much you appreciate her. Without any time to waste, the two of you then waddle your way out of the park as the faint hum of the metropolis and the sound of crickets can be heard—it’s just so tranquil and you wish that this would last forever. 

You mean the world to her as she does to you, so you're willing to spend your time with her, no matter what happens, just to see that oh-so-sweet smile of hers—it makes you happy more than anything, and you're willing to protect and cherish that smile. 

“Will you stay until eleven o'clock with me, Oppa?”

“Of course Zuha-yah~ More than anything.”

A sudden smooch to her forehead brightens up the dimness brought by the night. Her smile is enough to illuminate the darkness of the trail that follows and enough to light up your world. She's all you can ask for and that's what the cherry on top—just her being herself, nothing more, and nothing less. The night is still young and you'll be with her until the dawn of tomorrow comes, or maybe be with her, forever.

“'Cause at seven you will be, be here with me.”

[pimosworld]

The story of us chapter 5

Triple frontier boys x f!reader

Summary- Set before you and the boys are officially together and how you came to be.

Chapter summary- Frankie takes you flying and your relationship to new heights.

CW- 18+,MDNI, to avoid spoilers I will be posting a link for warnings. Link

WK-6k

Notes- See story Masterlist for full chapter notes. This chapter was so fun to write, my first time writing a solo Frankie. He starts off shy but quickly gains his confidence.

Not beta read

[Series Masterlist] [Main Masterlist]

Chapter V Flying without Falling

————————————

11:54 pm

  Frankie can’t sleep as he lies awake staring at the ceiling fan. Every creak and noise the house makes has him on edge. He shouldn’t care this much but it’s starting to get under his skin and root itself deep somewhere he dare not explore. Before he can fully run away with his intrusive thoughts he hears the front door open and close. He breathes a sigh of relief knowing Benny actually came home after your date. 

  Maybe Santi was right,he shouldn’t be this jealous of his best friends going on a date. But jealousy doesn’t seem like the right word either, he wants to be included, he couldn’t possibly go on as a spectator if you decided to have a relationship. It’s entirely too late for all these thoughts and he’s getting way ahead of himself.

  He would call you normally when his thoughts ran wild. Why would now be any different? The only difference now is that he knows you’ll pick up. Over the last several months that certainly wasn’t the case. Before he can second guess himself he picks up his phone and calls you. 

  ****

You’re seated on your couch staring at the blank screen of the tv replaying the night in your head. You really should go wash your face and get some sleep but you can’t stop thinking about that kiss. You can’t stop thinking about everything he did for you. The feeling was so alien being treated as if you were a Disney princess. Ben was always sweet but this was a side of him you’ve never seen. You could definitely get used to it. 

  Incoming call Francisco

  “Hey Frankie, is everything okay?” Your voice is laced with concern at this late hour he’s calling.

  “Ugh…ya I’m sorry I called so late.” I just wanted to hear your voice. “I just needed to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay.” At midnight? You wait patiently for his response. 

  “So how was your date?” Jesus Francisco you just couldn’t help yourself. He thinks you're silent for a little too long, maybe he can just hang up and pretend this never happened.

  “It was really nice actually, but is that why you called?” You don’t want to give too many details, it just seems odd to talk about with him right now. 

  “No…I guess I should just spit it out. I got my license back and I start in a few days but I’m nervous.” He has to hold the phone away from his ear before he goes deaf at your excited squeal. 

  “Frankie, that's amazing, how come you didn’t tell us yesterday?” You can hear indistinct rustling on the other end. 

  “I didn’t think it was appropriate with everything going on…last night didn’t exactly scream tell everyone your good news.”

  “That’s sweet of you but I would’ve genuinely been excited with all the drama that went on. Life doesn’t revolve around me and my shitty dating life.” It kind of pains you that he put off such a happy announcement to not take attention off you. You know how hard he’s been working to get his license back and this means everything to him. Losing his license was like stripping his identity from him.

  “Listen hermosa, I know it’s last minute but I remember you saying you have tomorrow off…would you be willing to be my first passenger. I don’t want to be rusty in front of the clients on my first day.” He knows you know he’s full of shit. He is the most competent pilot and there’s no way he’s rusty. You’ve seen him in the deadliest situations somehow be cool, calm and collected. 

  “Of course Frankie, I would love to.” You’re certain he doesn’t need any practice but you decide to play along, it’s adorable when he’s nervous. 

  “Meet me at our house around noon and I’ll drive us to the site.” 

  “That sounds like a plan…you should get some sleep if you’re gonna be flying us safely tomorrow.” A little teasing goes a long way with him and you just can’t help yourself. 

  “Very funny, I’ll see you tomorrow Honey good night.” 

  “Goodnight Francisco.” 

  Sleep would not come easily for either of you that night. 

  ****

  Frankie’s not sure how much sleep he got last night, tossing and turning thinking about you. Trying not to think about how his life ended up the way it did. It was hard not to be in his head about his setbacks and inadequacies. He’s a grown man living with his two best friends. He should be able to afford a place on his own and be more independent, but he managed to fuck that up with this coke charge and losing his license.

  He really needed to relax and not let his thoughts run away with him. It wouldn’t be any help today. 

  He rolls out of bed suddenly more aware of every ache and pain in his body, it’s hard to say when he noticed himself getting older. He’s been ready for some time to settle down but had all but given up on finding something worthwhile.

  He pads down the hallway already hearing  the clanking of dishes and the strong smell of coffee.

He enters the kitchen to see the two fit shirtless blondes, one more thing to be insecure about. 

   “Mornin’ Fish.” Will looks up at him from his seat at the table. Frankie gives him a half smile as he slides into the seat across from him. 

  “Rough night?” You could say that 

  “Ya, didn’t sleep much. I was up worried about today.” 

  “What’s happening today?” Benny joins at the table sliding a cup of coffee to him. He scrubs a hand behind his neck deciding what approach to take with the news. 

  “Well I’m flying today. I got my license back.” Will looks up from his phone wide eyed as Benny jumps up nearly knocking the table over.

  “Holy shit man that’s amazing, why didn’t you say anything?” 

  “I was afraid it might not happen so I wanted to wait…I found out Friday and ugh Saturday didn’t seem like the right time to mention it.” Ben and Will exchange glances, neither of them needing to say why.

  “So you start today,what’s your schedule like?” Will stands from the table to refill his coffee.

  “No…I start tomorrow. I’m taking Honey up today to practice.” Lies 

  “Bullshit.” Ben leans back in his chair crossing his arms as Will tries to contain his laughter. Frankie mimics Ben's posture as he stares him down. 

  “You and I both know you don’t need practice.I do have to admit though, a helicopter is a nice move.”

  Frankie relaxes a little at the teasing Ben gives him. The younger man is obviously not bothered by it, he almost seems happy for him. 

  “We’ll Benjamin we can’t all have rock hard abs, some of us have to pull out other means of flattery.” 

  “Well Fish I’m happy for you and I hope you enjoy your date.” There’s no tone of sarcasm or anything to suggest that he’s lying.

  Will stands there in awe and shock at the absurdity of it all. How could they possibly be this chill about dating the same woman let alone you?

  “Speaking of dates, how was yours?” He raises an eyebrow at him playfully. 

  “I know you’ve been dying to ask. It was great, we saw a movie and went to the diner for burgers and shakes and then I dropped her off at home.” He’s not sure if he should include the last part. The conversations have been going well so far. 

  “What a modern day romance and you even had her home by curfew.” Ben flips him off as he stands from the table. 

  “I was gonna let you off easy but since you want to tease, I did get a good night kiss.” Will grabs his chest in fake shock. 

  “Good for you bud.” Frankie pays him on the shoulder as he stands. He can’t help but grin thinking about what he heard when you were in the shower. A sudden burst of confidence flows through his veins. 

  “As much as I’d love to watch this sad pissing contest, we need to get to the gym Ben.” 

  “Alright coach.” He pulls Frankie into a hug before heading down the hallway. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He calls out from over his shoulder. 

  Will just rolls his eyes as Frankie retreats back to his room on the opposite end of the house. 

  Maybe this could work out after all. 

  ****

  Here you are again, tossing clothes about your room undecided on what to wear. This is supposed to be a casual day with Frankie and you can’t seem to get your head on straight. Let’s not add to the fact that you can’t be late. 

  It’s a beautiful sunny day in Florida so you decide to throw on some jean shorts, your army tank top and some black slip on vans. There’s no time to overthink this as you run out to the door to head to their house. You left yourself enough time to stop and grab something for Frankie, you were technically celebrating getting his license back and you wanted to surprise him.

  You pull up to the pristine suburban home they all share, you know Will had every attention to detail to keep the Miller family home in great condition. You have a slight panic when you see that Ben's truck is still in the driveway, you weren’t quite ready to confront what it is you were doing. To be honest you weren’t entirely sure if you knew yourself. 

  Frankie sees you pull up, he’s been pacing around the living room unable to relax. The excited nervous energy coursing through his veins at the thought of flying again and seeing you. 

  You can see Frankie leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed, he has a well fitted black shirt and blue jeans with his signature cap on. He’s just smiling at you as you make your way up the path to their house. 

  “I’m not that late am I?” You’re swinging the small gift bag back and forth on your finger as you hold it out to him. 

  “No but I saw you pull up and got excited.” He’s practically beaming at you. The happiest you’ve seen him in a long time. “I hope whatever’s in that bag is not for me.”

  “You’ll just have to open it and find out.” He grabs the bag from you slowly peeking inside, a medium size black box reveals some brand new aviator sunglasses. 

  “You didn’t have to do this.” You can hear the slight quiver in his voice and you’re so happy with your choice. 

  “I’m getting a free tour in the sky, it’s the least I could do.” He pulls you into a tight hug and you inhale his fresh woodsy scent, you recognize it as the body wash you bought him because you insisted he stop using the 3in1 crap that Ben used. 

  You’re standing in the doorway, neither of you wanting to break the hug, you lightly scratch your nails as you rub his back and a low growl emits from his chest on your cheek. 

  “We need to go before I change my mind.” He grabs your hand and places a kiss on your fingers before turning around to lock up. 

  Ben must not be home, thankfully you can deal with that later and just enjoy your afternoon with the old Frankie who seems to be making an appearance. 

  Frankie jogs ahead of you when you head towards his truck to open the door, he already has his sunglasses on and you curse under your breath a little at the sight. You’ve inadvertently made this day even harder for yourself now that you have to try not to ogle him, but the way his muscles flex in his shirt and the way his jeans are fitting you find your resolve breaking little by little. 

  You hop in the front seat and just before he closes the door he stops and stares at you. “I forgot to tell you how good you look today.” Fuck you’re not gonna make it. 

  The ride to the airfield is mostly spent in comfortable silence as you both trade glances at each other, it was so easy with him to just be. No expectations or insecurities. You often wondered how women didn’t realize what a catch he was, you’re glad in this moment no one has stuck around long enough to see what a massive failure it was to let this man go. 

  ****

  You were making it so hard for him to focus as you made your way to the chopper he was using for the day. The army tank top and short shorts doing nothing to hide your curves. 

  He could tell you were carrying yourself differently than the other day. A part of him was grateful for your date with Benny that seemed to bring some peace to your otherwise chaotic weekend. 

  A helicopter used to bring the sight of hell for the both of you, going on missions unsure if you would make it out alive, but now the way you turn and smile at him, practically bouncing with excited energy he thinks it may be heaven. 

  “We’ll see if I remember how to fly one of these.” You can almost see the faint wink behind his aviators as he holds the door open for you and you climb into the comfy leather seat. He buckles you in tugging on the straps to make sure they’re secure. He’s desperately trying to keep this as professional as possible but he sees the way you’re looking at him and he just wants to lean in and kiss you. He tears himself away closing the door behind him before he loses all form of concentration. 

  You wanted him too, and he almost did but you know he needs to focus. Even though he’s flown much larger aircrafts than this countless times, he still doesn’t want to jeopardize his second chance at life. And if you’re correct about your assumption there would be plenty of time for that. 

  “You know I have strapped myself in a few times.” He’s focused on the task at hand but you can see him smirking as he flips to switches and waits for the all clear to take off. 

  “I know you have hermosa but I’m supposed to be practicing so just pretend you’re a passenger. 

  What is it with these boys and pretending? You’ll play along since it worked out in your benefit the last time.

  He hands you a headset before doing a final once over and you can feel that familiar drop in your stomach as you lift up. The thrum of the blades all you can hear at the moment. He always made it look so easy and he’s all but confirmed how little practice he actually needed. 

  Something about finally being in the sky again has his confidence soaring. He can feel it in his bones, the man he used to be trying to make an appearance. He’s trying to focus but he can’t stop looking at the way you smile when you see something you like. He misses seeing you like this, happy to be in the air. Although he doesn’t miss the reasons why you used to be in a helicopter.

  You’re trying to take in the sights, but you can’t help but stare at Frankie. The way he’s controlling this massive machine with ease. You can see it in the way he relaxes. His shoulders seem less tense. That smile you loved so much has returned without the slight underlying sadness. It’s intoxicating seeing him like this.

  “I missed seeing you in that seat next to me.” He glances over in enough time to notice you smile to yourself.

  You fly for a while just taking in the sight below, this was a version of your city you’ve never seen before and it’s truly mesmerizing. It breaks your heart knowing what he had to go through to get back to this place. Everyone has dealt with their demons in their own way. His demons almost took the most important things in his life away from him. 

  He doesn’t think he’s been this happy flying, seeing your face light up when you spot something you recognize or the fact that you so willingly agreed to come with him and make this day as special as possible. 

  “You’re pretty good with your hands Mr. Morales.” He raises an eyebrow at you wondering if the altitude has gone to your head. He needs to be safely on the ground if you’re going to call him that again.

  “I’m a pretend passenger, remember.”

  “My real passenger is an 80 year old man, I hope he doesn’t comment on how good I am with my hands.” You snort into the headset before erupting into full blown laughter and there it is again, that laugh that would bring any man to his knees.

  “You mean to tell me you’ve never flirted with a passenger?” He glances at you nervously playing with your straps over your chest as you look out below.

  “There was one time.” 

  “Well I hope it ended well for you.” You can see you’re almost back to the airfield and your heart drops a little at the day coming to an end.

  Let’s hope it does end well for me. 

  ****

  “So,what are your plans for the rest of the day?” He didn’t want to assume as he awaits your answer, suddenly so focused on the road as you make your way back to their house. 

  “I don’t have anything planned, I wasn’t sure if you had things you needed to take care of for tomorrow?” He looks a little confused and you can’t help but laugh at the deep crease in his brow. 

  “You know your first day back at work.” 

  “Oh, everything is all squared away. Although I was hoping you might want to stay a little while, I can make us lunch.” He sounds a little timid again but when you grab his hand not placed on the steering wheel and kiss his palm all his worries are washed away. 

  “I would say these hands have done enough today but I would be stupid if I said no to anything you cook.” He has other plans for you and his hands but he needs to focus on one thing at a time first lunch. 

  He already had a full plan for lunch that would’ve turned into Will and Bennys dinner if you decided not to stay. The conversation flowed easy as you both enjoyed grilled shrimp tacos and homemade ceviche. You hadn’t spent this much time together in months, it seemed you had a lot to catch up on. 

  You both confided in each other, it was so easy to talk about life and issues without being judged. The more Mike pulled you away left a gaping hole in both of your lives. You couldn’t possibly go back to that again. 

  Frankie’s washing the dishes, your plates having been completely cleared and has to stop what he’s doing at the sound of your obscenely loud yawn. He can’t help but laugh at your wide eyed expression, you obviously just as surprised by it as he was. 

  “I’m sorry, I’m just so content after that meal and honestly I got no sleep last night.” He dries his hands and makes his way over to you seated at the kitchen island. A mischievous glint in his eye. 

  “I have a bizarre request and you can say no if you want to. Seeing as though we both got zero sleep last night, do you want to take a nap?”

  “Yes!” You groan internally at your enthusiastic response. 

  He had a surge of confidence at your response as he got impossibly closer, stepping between your legs as he rubbed his hands up and down your thighs in a soothing motion. He leans in and you close your eyes bracing yourself for a kiss when you suddenly feel his lips brush your ear. 

  “Bed or couch?” You’re not certain you can breathe with the way his voice drops to a low register. His hands are like fire on your exposed thighs so close to where you want him to touch you. 

  “Couch?” It comes out in a breathy whisper as you attempt to clear your throat. “I think the couch is safer.” 

  He hasn’t so much as moved an inch and with his close proximity you’re afraid he can hear your heart beating out of your chest. 

  “Couch it is, but I’m not sure if it’s safer.” He takes your hand and guides you off the stool and it feels like you’re floating as you make your way to the living room. He sits in the corner, defaulting to his favorite spot despite having a choice of anywhere. He practically pulls you down with him as you settle in facing him with your head resting on his extended arm. Many a movie night you’ve fallen asleep in this exact position, but this feels different. 

  He pulls the blanket off the back of the couch to cover you as sleep already threatens to claim you. The sound of his steady heartbeat and the smell that you could only describe as him lulling you to sleep. 

  He doesn’t even think you realize you’re rubbing his back as you muzzle deeper into his chest, the feeling so domestic it makes his chest hurt a little. It’s like a knot that’s formed over time trying to loosen itself the further into sleep he goes. He only remembers the smell of your shampoo and your slow breaths before exhaustion takes him under. 

  ****

  The house is quiet…so quiet that he knows Ben and Will definitely aren’t home yet. The sun is still up but casting the orange hue that tells him it’s late in the afternoon. He doesn’t want to move too much because you’re still sleeping so peacefully. He is aware however that you have moved in your sleep, draping your leg over him like he’s a human body pillow. 

  Perhaps it’s a wicked Pavlovian response that his body betrays him in the moment as you're pinned against him. He’s growing harder in his jeans and every attempt to move you only causes you to stir further, involuntarily grinding your hips into him in a steady slow motion. 

  You’re having that dream again but this time it feels so real, too real as you feel the hard press of Frankie’s cock against your core. This time when you wake it’s not like a bucket of cold water being thrown on you. It’s softer, more intentional. 

  “Honey….honey?” It’s a little disorienting, but you can still smell him and see the light coming through the windows. You must not have slept for very long. You can feel his thumb tracing lines across your cheek and slowly register him saying your name. The sensation you were feeling in your dream hasn’t dissipated and you don’t dare look down as your haze begins to lift. 

  “I think you were having a dream.” His sleepy voice barely above a whisper. “You kept saying my name.” It seems you’re both in a predicament, him more so than you since he’s not actually in your head and you can feel evidently what’s pressed against you. 

  You hope maybe a change in subject will make him drop it or at the very least get the hint. It didn’t seem like the appropriate time to tell him that you can’t stop having sex dreams about your best friends. 

  “You know…you didn’t seem like you needed any practice today.” You shift on the couch to look up at him.

  “Maybe I told a little white lie.” He’s staring at you, a question hanging in the air of do you want this? He hasn’t moved his hand from your face as he slowly tilts it up further and leans in for a tender kiss. He’s been waiting all day, resisting the urge to kiss you the moment he opened his gift. 

  He’s waiting for you to pull away or say you don’t want this but that moment never comes as the soft kiss turns into a fight to get impossibly closer. His patience wore thin at the way you were saying his name in your sleep. Your hands are in his hair as he deepens this kiss, both of you trading moans in between breathing. He grips the thigh that’s slung over his hip as he pins you beneath him, the heavy comfortable weight of him grinding you into the couch. 

  You hate your brain for making you aware of your dry humping session being in the shared residence of the man you were also dating?

  “Wait…wait, I have a confession.” He stops suddenly hoping he hadn’t totally fucked this up by going to far. The moment feels like an eternity as he lets you catch your breath. 

  “I kissed Benny.” You’re bracing yourself for the moment he rolls off you and asks you to leave but he drops his head to your shoulder as he chuckles in your ear. 

  “Well just consider it even, since I’ve kissed Benny too.” Oh now he wants to make jokes. 

  “Yes I’m aware but it wasn’t less than 24 hours ago.” He raises an eyebrow at you and you silently curse yourself for assuming. “Unless it was…”

  “I’m just kidding, I had to mess with you a little.” You swat his chest playfully and breathe a sigh of relief. “Let’s just say Benny and I have come to a friendly agreement. 

  You’re not entirely sure what that means but you couldn’t care less as long as they know what’s going on even if you didn’t. 

  You try to pull him towards you again but he braces his right arm beside your head to stay upright, his left hand not having left your thigh throughout the interaction. 

  “I suppose if we’re being honest…I have a confession.” His tongue peeks out on his bottom lip as he mulls over how to approach, he has no idea how tempting it looks. 

  “I was going to wake you up yesterday but you were already in the shower.” Your throat is suddenly dry and your shoulders tense. “ I thought you were crying so I hesitated and then…I heard you say my name.” 

  There was no playing this off, not like your dream where he knew you were sleeping. This was perhaps the most mortified you’ve ever been. You wish you were anywhere but pinned under his literal and figurative gaze. 

  “I can explain.” No you can’t 

  “Tell me.” You try to move out from underneath him but he doesn’t budge. 

  “Frankie this isn’t fair.” 

  “No hermosa, you know what’s not fair.” His hand is slowly making its way up your thigh and your breathing is ragged. 

  “You had to take care of yourself when the hands you wanted to touch you were just on the other side of the door.” You don’t know when you lost control of the situation but here you are, stuck under him. He’s waiting for you to tell him to stop but your body has other plans and your lips won’t move.

  “Now tell me.” It’s not a question and this side of him has you faltering. 

  “Tell you what?” He leans down to kiss your lips but pulls away just as fast. 

  “What you were doing when you said my name.” He can’t be serious

  He’s searching your eyes for any sign you want this to stop but all he finds are your lust blown pupils. He decides upon seeing your excitement to try a different approach. 

  “Show me.” He waits to see if he made the right choice and you slowly move your hand from around his neck. No one has ever made you this nervous and excited at the same time. His confidence awakened something in you that you didn’t know existed. You slowly start to unbutton your shorts, never breaking eye contact. You can see his chest rising and falling, his resolve breaking a little spurring you on. 

  You dip your hand under the waistband of your lace panties, thanking yourself for being a little too optimistic about where the afternoon might lead. His eyes trail down your front as he battles with watching your face and watching where your hand has disappeared. He shifts to the side to give you room as you  slowly circle your clit with your middle finger. A small whimper escapes your lips and any embarrassment has been replaced with chasing this high. 

  You drag your finger through your slit as you dip a finger in trying to reach that spot at this awkward angle, you whine in frustration because your fingers aren’t enough with the way he’s been subtly working you up all afternoon. 

  He grabs your wrist and gently pulls your hand out of your shorts, you're wrapped in his every movement as he brings your fingers to his mouth to lick and suck every last drop from them. 

  “Let me show you.” His hands seem so much larger than yours as they make their way down your breast and across your abdomen, his trail painstakingly slow but you wouldn’t dare rush this moment. 

  He dips his hand into your shorts, dragging his fingers across your soft lace panties. “Frankie please…” You're hanging on by a thread and you need him to stop teasing you. 

  “You’re so sensitive, I’ve barely touched you.” You’re having deja because he’s said that before…or was that your dream. He dips one finger into your entrance as you arch your back. It’s too much and not enough as if he senses your frustration he plunges a second finger in slowly pumping in and out. 

  You drop your head onto the pillow as you softly moan his name. You can feel his cock grinding into your hip as he picks up the pace. He swallows your moans with his lips on yours. His name has never sounded sweeter than it does now as you chant his name. You’re ratcheted too tight as you feel the coil build, his fingers press down on the soft bundle of nerves and your toes curl in a blinding orgasm. You’re not sure when you gripped his hair like a lifeline as you slowly untangle your fingers while you come down from your high. 

  “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the way you said my name.” He’s placing soft kisses on your neck as he removes his hand, you’re suddenly feeling a little bold as you can feel how patient he was being. You palm his bulge through his jeans and he bucks his hip, groaning your name. 

  The sound of car doors slamming have you both looking at each other wide eyed. He grabs your hand and places it around his waist. “I need you to pretend to be asleep.” You open your mouth to speak but he shushes you with a kiss as he flings the blanket back over you both. Your pants are still unbuckled and he’s still very hard but right now as the keys jingle in the door you figure you can deal with it later. 

  The front door opens and you bury your face into his chest to hide your laughter at having to pretend once again. Ben’s yelling about something per usual as you hear Will shush him. 

  “Awww they look so peaceful.” You can feel Frankie squeeze your hip and it’s taking everything to calm your breathing. His chest is rising and falling steadily as he squeaks out a fake snore. He may seem peaceful but you can feel his rapid heartbeat against your cheek. 

  You hear footsteps getting further away and voices trailing as they make their way to the kitchen. Frankie can hear the fridge open and close and the sound of the water in the sink running. 

  “Can you button your shorts without moving too much?” He whispers into your temple. You nod your head as you slowly move your hand down to button them again, you try your best to avoid his problem that seems to be less obvious. When you’re finally decent you sit up peeking over the back of the couch. You signal for him to sit up and he hears footsteps approaching. He raises his arms above his head dramatically, stretching as you do your best-I just woke up eyes. It’s all ridiculously hilarious 

  “Good evening sleepyheads.” Ben plops down next to you on the couch and you sit up fully now in the middle of both men. 

  “Do you ugh…want some water?” Frankie’s standing to stretch now, his little belly exposed as his shirt lifts and you notice he’s still got a slight bulge but nothing that couldn’t be explained by how close you were sleeping. 

  “Yes please.” Your voice is a little hoarse from your nap or moaning Frankie’s name for too long. 

  He leaves you two on the couch and heads to the kitchen as Benny pulls you into his side and places a kiss on your temple. This has to be a record for times getting deja vu in one day. 

  “How was your date?” So they must’ve come to an agreement like Frankie said because he just called it a date without any malice in his tone. Just genuine curiosity and care. 

  “It was great actually.” Frankie returns with your water and sits back down next to you on the opposite side. He doesn’t seem bothered at all by you cuddling up with Ben and it’s bizarre territory you’re wading into. 

  “Well I hope you showed our girl a good time.” You’re sputtering your water as Frankie hides his amused face behind his hand. Ben is patting your back as Will enters the living room with beers in hand. 

  “Are you okay?” He hands the beers around as he tries to offer you one but you wave him off. 

  “I’m fine…but I really should be going. I have work early tomorrow and I really should get some sleep.” You all stand from the couch unsure of how to say goodbye. 

  Frankie pulls you into a hug and places a kiss on your forehead. “At least you got a nap today.” He winks at you and you pinch his side knowing he can’t make a sound. 

  “Don’t hog her, she was with you all day.” Ben picks you up as you yelp, he couldn’t resist that sound. He carefully sets you down and leans in to kiss your cheek. 

  You turn to see Will in the loveseat sipping his beer with an amused smirk on his face. “I swear to god Will.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender as both men are snickering beside you. 

  “I didn’t say anything sweetheart.” You make your way towards the door to grab your bag off the hook and you can feel all eyes on you. “ I’ll see you Friday to fix that hole in your wall.” 

  “Will…”

  “Don’t argue with him, it'll only make your life harder.” Ben knows his brother all too well so you decide to take his advice and drop it. 

  “Fine, I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay.” They all say in unison and erupt in laughter. 

  As you close the door behind you still hearing the faint sounds of your boys you realize how completely and utterly fucked you truly are.

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[nurgletwh]

Hey all! You’re about to see why this got so delayed when Tumblr ate my post. >.<

Remember how I’ve previously stated “I disappeared because I had issues, but no worries!”?

Yeah.

Not so much this time. Which has only sunk in with retrospect and time. (@grumpyoldsnake is gonna be “I told you so!!!)

It still doesn’t really feel that way, because the human mind is stupendous at deemphasizing how much danger you might really be in/were in.

Some of this might be covering ground I’ve already covered here or elsewhere. However, I think having it all in one place and all sequenced together will not only help me keep things straight but give it all perspective.

With that out of the way, let’s see if I can not only keep this all the fuck straight but remember what ground I need to cover. I’m putting the rest under a cut for a couple of reasons. It’s long, and it may be triggering for some people. Please let me know if I’ve missed a tag I should have added.

October 2023

I went back to the Dr. to get my medications adjusted, as my blood sugar had gone back up. (Side note: I hadn’t been properly and regularly testing my blood sugar. I was exhausted and sleeping what felt like all the time with no energy to do much of anything at all.) For whatever reason, my blood pressure comes back rather shockingly high (164/108!!), not in line with what it’s been at all. I comment that I’ve never seen it that high, and the nurse says to have the doctor check it after I’ve been there a while.

It doesn’t happen because I’m forgetful.

My cholesterol also comes back high, but that’s been creeping up for years, so no shocker there.

Diabetes medications are adjusted, one is added for the cholesterol. By the time I get home, there’s another one for my blood pressure. I shrug and add it to my pile, since my blood pressure had never come down as far as I thought it should in the first place.

November 2023

Back for a follow-up appointment. My sugar levels haven’t changed all that much, and my blood pressure still comes back as pretty damn high, and I make a mental note to test it at home more regularly, because it doesn’t seem right.

Warning: diet talk.

———

We talk about stuff and whatnot, and decide to try Ozempic (as its original purpose was for diabetes) as the next step to get my blood sugar down.

I was aggravated as he goes on about things like how I’ll feel better for losing some weight, and I half-assed express a few concerns because I have disorganized eating habits. I already don’t eat consistently, and I firmly believe my current weight “problems” are due to my disorganized eating patterns (as well as picky eating and just not really wanting to eat in general) in my youth leaving me borderline malnourished. Most of my teen years were spent trying to get me to gain weight. FYI: being significantly underweight for a long time is a great way to have issues with being overweight later.

I go home with a prescription for Ozempic. Fine and dandy, although I’ve been getting the impression he doesn’t really listen all the time.

———

December 2023

Christmas happens, travel happens, fun happens.

January 2024

Cute cat pic, just because. :-)

Next appointment. My blood pressure still reads significantly higher than normal (156/92), and higher than it has been at home, but what with travel and all, I haven’t really been testing it to back up that assertion. The doctor tests it and gets approximately the same result.

I get another prescription for an additional blood pressure medication.

(Can you guess where this one is going?)

I woke up a few days later with a massive headache that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t connect this at the time, but based on what happened next, I think it was.

The day after that I felt a bit dizzy. When I wasn’t feeling much better by lunch, I took my blood pressure and got 94/68. I took it again and got about the same thing, so I had my coworker (who is also a volunteer EMT) test it. He got 100/54. I continued to check it throughout the day, but it wouldn’t stay consistent. I bugged out of work early, finally sending a… well, grouchy message to the doctor (after hours, unfortunately) firmly expressing my frustration that I wasn’t believed when I stated my at-home readings, pointing out I am also an EMT.

My reading was 96/74 when I went to bed.

I felt even shittier the next day. BP was 94/62 that morning; I stayed home from work. The doctor responded to my message when the office opened, discontinuing the most recently added BP med, sanctioning the choice I’d already made. :-P

Unfortunately, my BP continued to plummet throughout the afternoon and evening. I sent a message that evening and asked what to do, continuing my pattern of sending messages after the office closed. 🙄

I took my blood pressure using my automated cuff before going to bed. It errored out twice before I got this:

Lovely, eh?

(The systolic generally reads 8-10 low, but the diastolic is generally bang on.)

I took it manually; 80/54. I send a follow-up message with those readings.

I felt awful the next morning. The act of sitting up made me dizzy. I stumbled out to the living room and called in to work again; I was in no condition to drive. My heart rate was elevated to around 100-110 (it normally runs fast, about 80-90 in the morning).

By late morning, the automatic cuff wouldn’t do anything but error out. I sent another message asking at what point I should go to the ER. I didn’t get a response from the doctor, but did from one of the nurses, who told me that anything under 90 systolic with symptoms qualified.

What. The. FUCK.

I basically decided that if it got worse, I’d go in. I told a friend to check in with me regularly and stayed in my recliner, drinking water and Gatorade to at least get fluid in.

The lowest reading I got on my manual cuff was 78/52. FYI: I should have been in the hospital the day before. This is “almost died” moment number 1. I was a fucking idiot. Denial is deadly.

——

I think this needs split up; I’m gonna post this now and keep writing, because I’m going to hit some sort of character limit sooner or later. O.o

[foxonfier]

because of the clear differences between ethan as a 32 year old vs 42 year old vs 54 year old, i’d like to highlight some of the key characteristics of all of these “versions” of this character. mi1 ethan is certainly um … a freak, as i like best to describe him. while mi6 ethan, for example, is much more mellowed out and seems to have lost much of his confidence and self-importance after everything he’s been through. and mi3 ethan is still a bit freakish, though has slightly become calmer with age. but first, let’s talk about continuity and things that carry over! because ethan does have a lot of things wrong with him that continue throughout the movies.

lots more below the cut …. god damn

i think talking about ethan’s love life is something that’s going to be very important, because ethan is somewhat of a selfish lover. when it comes to his relationships, he is very much concerned about the way he feels. his dependability on his lovers is clear as day to see, and he needs to be in a relationship to continue functioning like a normal human being. or, at the very least, he needs someone to be the focus of his attention. he needs that “click.” and when that click happens it’s near impossible to shake ethan off. the whole power play thing is also big for ethan; doing things that give him influence over the other person, whether it be narrowing down choices to specifically him ( mi1 ethan ) or saving nyah from security that he called on her ( mi2 ethan ). he’s quite possessive of the people he’s in relationships with, very much obsessive as well. unable to get them out of his head, zeroed in on them at all times.

in mi1, you can tell the moment it “clicks” for ethan. he’s just had a nightmare and when claire touches him to wake him up, he throws her back, points his gun at her and demands to know what she’s doing here. strips off her coat and aggressively searches her, not in a kind or loving manner at all. and then, because he’s ethan hunt, he pins claire to the bed and crawls on top of her, putting his entire body weight on her. he’s just finished screaming at her and now she’s begging for him to listen to her, broken after the “death” of her husband, and being in that position makes ethan realize the feelings he actually does have for her. maybe it’s some sense of importance; ethan feels as though he’s the best person to be in a relationship with these people, because he can do better than their previous lovers. he can protect them and love them. and when things click for ethan, i think any sense of taboo is thrown right out the window. obviously falling for your father figure’s wife is something that is not normal in the slightest. but i digress. realizing his feelings, ethan literally LEANS IN and it looks like he’s going to kiss claire, but he seems to hesitate for a moment and pulls back. and then he gets off of her and sits back in the chair ; and when claire comes over to try and reason with him, telling ethan that she can get the cia to listen to her and believe that ethan is innocent, ethan tells her that if she does that, they’ll just think that she’s working with him and will kill her anyway. leaving her with absolutely no other choice than to work alongside ethan. and when she does this, helping him out, ethan seems absolutely dumbfounded that she ever would. when he’s the one that narrowed down her decision to him in the first place! this just shows me that he doesn’t consciously realize what he’s doing, but the fact that he does do these things in order to trap these women is very um not good!

and then, he finds out jim is still alive. and knowing by this point that jim is the person who set him up and helped kill all of his teammates ( having seen the stamp from hotel drake, chicago in the bible, which is where jim was staying ) he begins to suspect claire, but when he returns to her he just can’t. he wants to believe her so badly, almost selfishly, because he wants her. even when he knows better, even when it could easily jeapordise his entire mission and even his life, he just can’t help himself. and then he ( probably ) has sex with her! after finding out her husband, ethan’s father figure, is alive! so there is very much a pattern with his partners: it all clicks for ethan, he gets selfish, traps them at his side, and then he has sex with them. and after that, he’s completely and utterly in love.

this is especially apparent in mi2, when ethan meets nyah and immediately it “clicks.” he falls for her and becomes selfish in his pursuit, being a general weirdo by following her around and helping her steal something -- then when she steals it, he sets off an alarm to call security in, just to rescue her from security. entrapment! he makes these people dependent on him and kind of forces them into this “damsel in distress” role that he saves them from. making him not only believe that he’s the best option for them romantically, but makes them believe this as well. and nyah doesn’t immediately fall for it, she even calls him out, but somehow ethan finds her physically as well as finds her phone number, and does this um interesting car chase with her. telling her that he needs her just like she needs him. and by this point she might feel that yeah, she does need him, because didn’t he rescue her from security? and because of that she kind of owes him, right? so she goes with him and does this whole undercover thing with ambrose, which immediately makes ethan jealous, showing that very much possessive and protective side of him. and his feelings do end up with the capability to compromise his mission, just like in mi1. because when nyah injects herself with chimera, ethan should kill her. but he can’t make himself do it, and instead he leaves her in order to find a cure and extends the entire ordeal, enough to where he endangers millions of people just because he couldn’t do the right thing. selfish behavior! nyah even asked for it, told him he needed to do it, but he just couldn’t. and by the very end he saves her and probably makes her feel even more indebted to him. and by this point he’s deeply in love with her, and i think that she just … isn’t. sure, she loves him, but maybe she wants something more causal in that she doesn’t want someone to be this dependent on her. she just wants a normal relationship, while with ethan, it will never be normal because he isn’t normal about his partners. so the running idea is that nyah can’t take it anymore -- his behavior, his dependability -- and eventually leaves him. setting him up for mi3, where he meets julia and, most likely, the same pattern occurs.

now i think that mi3 ethan is the most transparent about his selfishness. he finds julia and, instead of telling her who he is, he keeps it a secret. and while i do believe that some part of him wants to protect her from the imf and shield her from that part of his life, i think most of his decision has to do with the fact that … well, he just can’t bear losing her. and telling her that he works for the imf and that his job will likely endanger her and her family might make her leave him. something he just can’t deal with, not when he’s already so in love. so he’s selfish and keeps the truth from her, lying about where he works, even putting on a show about how interesting he finds traffic patterns to all of her friends. charming his way through to them! and more of his weirdo behavior shines through -- using his training in order to eavesdrop on julia’s conversation with her other friends, reading their lips and watching from afar. and he just can’t help himself, he has to chime in with the right answer ( “wanaka!” ) to their personal conversation that he wasn’t at all invited to. freak behavior ethan! and they’re dumbfounded, wondering how the hell he heard them, and ethan just smiles and walks off. he really is still a strange person. and the whole entrapment thing comes up again in this movie -- because ethan is acting odd, something julia notices, and instead of confessing his job to her he just tells her to trust him. and of course, she says she does! and then he goes and marries her, well and truly trapping her by his side. and sure, it’s a cute scene, but the fact that he does this at all is telling to the kind of person he is. even weirder, later on in the movie luther asks him if he and lindsey were sleeping together and instead of answering like a normal person, ethan says, “she was like my little sister.” and luther is like, would you sleep with your little sister? and ethan doesn’t reply!! maybe he just doesn’t designate it with a response, thinking it’s so obvious that he shouldn’t even have to answer, but some part of it may be that … well, he did like lindsey. i don’t at all think they slept together, but it’s entirely possible that he had feelings for her. because the care and love he shows her during the rescue mission is more than he shows for any of his other friends. romantic partners have always been the priority for ethan, always will be, and it’s quite obvious he cares for lindsey a lot, enough to come back into the field just for her. lying to his fiancee even more because of it. so, i definitely believe that ethan having feelings for lindsey is a great possibility. would he have cheated on julia? of course not. he isn’t a bad person at heart, and he wouldn’t hurt her like that. but it definitely seems as though he had not-so-platonic feelings for his former student.

and just like in mi1 and mi2, ethan’s personal feelings get in the way -- which makes sense in mi3 of course, his wife is kidnapped, but he goes completely rogue because of a mistake he made. aka, not changing his name. so davian is able to easily find julia, and because ethan didn’t ever give julia or her family information on who he is, julia’s brother tells a stranger where she is. which you can’t blame him for! how would he have known that he was dangerous? and it’s not like julia’s brother is going to know all of her friends, anyway. so ethan freaks out and tries to find her, bringing his entire team into this situation that he did largely cause, endangering both their lives and their jobs. showing the kind of domino effect of his actions. and he does get her back, but not before truamatizing julia with everything that’s happened to her. and she still stays with him, somehow, but clearly not for too long.

because then everything post mi3 happens and it seems as though julia divorces ethan. of course, no one seems to know for sure what happened, whether she left him or whether she’s even alive or not, which is what ethan wants. but, i do believe that because julia was kidnapped again, she couldn’t deal with it anymore and decided to get a divorce. i think she still loves him in a way, especially as a friend, but being with him just isn’t an option anymore. and ethan’s work will always be important, therefore julia will always be in danger. so they get a divorce and ethan heavily throws himself into his work. this is when he begins doing stunts where he’s actually, truly in danger of dying and this is simply because he has no one to grasp on to. he has no romantic partner and because of that, nothing to heavily focus on and obsess over besides his work. and, i do believe that he becomes more suicidal when julia divorces him, because even in mi4 he climbs a fucking tower where if he fell, he would die! and sure, he doesn’t want to do it at first, but he does. and in mi5 he actually, genuinely dies and ilsa has to bring him back to life just like julia did. and in mi6 ethan does the most insane, crazy shit ever, like driving against high speed traffic or climbing on to a moving helicopter, then crashing said helicopter into ANOTHER helicopter, without so much as a care for himself. no self-preservation at all, and he doesn’t give a shit whether he lives or dies. so, without a love interest, ethan truly does become highly suicidal, turning from something passive to something a little more active. he also blames himself a lot more for things, putting this weight on his shoulders that pushes him to be even more suicidal. such as blaming himself for the bombs being in kashmir where julia is, even though he stopped them from going off! he just loses so much of that prior confidence in himself.

now, of course, ethan isn’t a bad person. he’s compassionate and loving and genuinely feels for people and wants to help them. but when it comes to his partners, he is very, very odd and exhibits intensely strange and possessive behavior. which i think is important to note! he’s not a perfect guy, certainly not the perfect protagonist, and he’s got some major issues. but i think that’s what makes him so fun and interesting, and i cannot wait to see what else he gets up to in future mission impossible movies.

[gayphob1a]

Don't Blame Steve

TW: Smut whoops

“Hands!”

“Yes, Chef!” Steve yells, running as fast as he dares to the sous without being reprimanded for creating a hazard. The saucier he had been stationed with shoots him a warning glare, and he knows after this rush he’ll have his ass handed to him on one of the maitre d’s silver platters for abandoning his position, but he’s been given explicit instructions. When the sous calls, he is to run, not walk. He can take the wrath of a measly saucier if it means his chef de cuisine won’t be involved in this particular dispute. 

The man is horrifying, a dark void that pulls everyone in with his initial charisma, only to snap in an instant and leave you feeling like an empty shell of your former self. He runs his kitchen with an iron fist. Hopper himself would cower in Timothy’s presence. Not even swinging a bat into the flowering maw of a demogorgon could hold up to the terror he instills. The sous, though better, is no walk in the park either. She seems like a sweet woman at first, Rosie, but if her call for help goes unheeded there’s no telling what she may use as a weapon. Steve thought, based on this fact alone, that they may even get along the first time he saw her throw a metal spoon across the kitchen in a fit of rage, but this idea was quickly thrown out the window when he narrowly avoided an egg timer hitting him in the head with enough force he very well may have been on the receiving end of another concussion. And at the hands of a 54 year old woman no less. 

Steve comes skidding to a halt at Rosie’s side, close enough to smell the bourbon leaking from her pores and he desperately hopes she’s just horribly hungover. The last time she showed up drunk he went home with burns burgeoning on third degree. Why Timothy never picks up on this, or chooses to ignore it, he doesn’t understand — considering he once came in and was immediately reprimanded for his untied shoelace. 

“I need you on mise. Running low on shallots and cilantro for garnish.”

Steve tries not to roll his eyes, but well, he’s never been the best at keeping a handle on his facial expressions, and Rosie must pick up on some slight twitch in his expression or the exasperated sigh in his “yes, chef.”

“What? Do you think you have better things to be doing? We’re in the weeds and I’m running low on fucking garnishes. Maybe if you were half decent at staging I would have had everything I needed before we were getting fucked in the ass.”

“No, chef. I’m sorry, I’m on it.”

“Good. I don’t miss twice, kid.”

Steve spends the rest of the evening rush by Rosie’s side, dicing in silence like a well-trained dog. He almost misses the call for closing, overstimulated and exhausted both physically and emotionally. All through his closing duties, he’s berated by Sam, the saucier he abandoned firing dishes on his own. He almost doesn’t think he’ll make it through the night, but like always, he does, and drives home on autopilot, hardly registering the traffic as he listens to one of Eddie’s heavy metal tapes to release some of the tension thrumming in his veins. Since culinary school, he’s developed more of a taste for Eddie’s music, finding comfort in the thrumming baselines and heavy drums that make his teeth rattle with how loud it blares through the speakers.

He trudges up the stairs to their apartment, his every muscle alighting in pain. His head is pounding, and he tries to remember the last time he drank water, but days are starting to blur together and he’s not sure he even has today. Still, none of that can stop the smile that erupts over Steve’s features when he sees Eddie waiting for him with dinner set out on the table, despite it being 10 o'clock at night. 

“Hey baby. Rough day?” And Steve just melts into the way Eddie can read him in an instant, falling into his arms with a heavy sigh. He nods silently and inhales Eddie’s scent. He’s just showered and he smells like sandalwood, Steve’s favorite scent. It reminds him of the fact that Eddie changed the bodywash he uses when he discovered that tidbit of information. Eddie isn’t even a particularly huge fan of sandalwood. He doesn’t hate it or anything, it just wasn’t really on his radar until Steve said something, and now he may even love it for the way it makes Steve nestle into his neck and take in deep breaths, sighing at the way it mingles on his skin.

Eddie is no chef and Steve knows that. He doesn’t expect perfection — in fact, after nearly 11 hours of perfection, he prefers a little chaos and junk food. Eddie always delivers, plating up a simple turkey sandwich and potato chips with a vase of flowers and candlelight. 

“I love you,” Steve sighs, settling into his seat which Eddie pushes in for him, leaving a kiss on the top of his head. 

“I love you too. And I saved you plenty of hot water for a bath when you’re done.”

Steve tucks into his sandwich, eating like he’s been starving in a desert for months. Eddie watches with pure adoration on his face, eating much slower and stopping Steve every couple bites to remind him to drink the ice water he put out. After the first half (Eddie cut his sandwich into triangles. However juvenile, Steve has always found it easier to eat them this way and Eddie finds it adorable), Steve is ready to talk. He regails the evening and the vicious humbling he received after closing in as much detail as he can muster, but frankly the day starts to slip away as soon as he gets home. Maybe it’s the repeated trauma, but his brain has a way of compartmentalizing in a matter of hours. There’s just one complaint that never seems to go away.

“And I’m not even getting paid for any of this!”

Eddie gave up asking if working in kitchens was really worth it after the first week. Steve’s answer was always the same. Despite the mental and physical toll, his goals remained clear. He was going to get through this stupid stage and get a real job in a kitchen until he could save up enough money to one day open his own place dedicated to all the recipes that made him fall in love with cooking in the first place, everything the kids loved when he experimented in the kitchen for them.

Eddie has to drag Steve out of his seat to the bathroom when they finish. Steve’s body aches so bad he could fall asleep at the table. It wouldn’t be the first time and Eddie isn’t letting that happen again, lest he be charged with Steve’s complaints of sore everything in the morning. He draws the bath and puts in epsom salt for the pain and lavender scented bubble bath because it eases the knot in Steve’s mind that has his shoulders permanently pressed to his ears. He helps Steve over the ledge of the tub and gently lowers him into the steaming water. It’s the perfect temperature, nearly scalding just the way Steve likes so he can enjoy the water’s warm embrace as long as possible. They remain quiet as Eddie massages Steve’s legs, working the knots out of his calves and running his thumbs up and down the arches of his feet. Steve lets out an occasional contented sigh, relishing in the fact that Eddie enjoys pampering him just as much as he needs it after a day like today. 

The few unpredictable strands of Eddie’s hair that can never be contained by a bun, no matter how neat, are starting to form loose ringlets. Steve reaches out to wind one around his fingers, moves his hand to his boyfriend’s steam warmed cheeks, and draws him in for a delightfully slow kiss. Eddie’s hands travel up Steve’s legs to his thighs, raising them slightly from the porcelain of the tub so he can run his fingers over his taught hamstrings like the frets of his guitar. He plays Steve nearly as well, no, better, and Steve sings his praises into Eddie’s lips.

“Feeling better?” Eddie asks, his forehead pressed to Steve’s, their breath intermingling in heavy puffs between them. 

“Much.” Steve replies. He closes his eyes and focuses on the sensation of Eddie’s fingers all over him. His firm, deliberate strokes graze higher up Steve’s thighs, ghosting between his legs and Steve chokes back a whimper. The bubbles hide the way he’s been steadily growing harder, but Eddie’s hands reveal all. He’s not always in the mood after work, but the princess treatment, as Eddie likes to call it, makes his heart swell… amongst other things.

Steve tries to stand, but the bath is still warm and Eddie’s hands hold him in place. “Just relax. Let me take care of you sweetheart.”

“I want to touch you,” Steve whines. 

“You will, but we can take it slow tonight, right?”

And Steve’s mind is foggy, sure, a combination of the long hours and Eddie’s expert touch, but he doesn’t think he’s that foggy until the words just kind of slip out of him. “Yes, chef,” he moans. 

A hand flies up to clasp over his mouth and his eyes go wide. Eddie is silent, watching like a hawk, his hand still and gripping onto Steve’s thigh in a vice grip. “I– I don’t… I’m so sorry. That just came out. Fuck.”

“Woah woah, hold on there big boy. It’s okay. Look, you don’t have to, I know you had a long day, but maybe just… say it again?”

“Y-yes chef.” Steve tries it out, wondering if it will feel foreign in his mouth, but it doesn’t. It feels natural, like an extension of himself, bearing himself raw to Eddie in a rare way he never has before. He wants to feel Eddie prodding at this part of him, taking him apart piece by piece like he has to every other aspect of his soul until now.

“Jesus christ. How does anyone get anything done in that kitchen with you around?”

“You say that every day.”

“Yeah, but now I mean it. You’re walking around all night saying ‘yes chef’ like an adorable little slut. I wouldn’t be able to think straight.” Eddie splashes Steve with the velocity at which he moves his hand to his dick, gripping tight enough to make Steve moan. His head falls back against the tub, the ends of his hair grazing the bubbly warm water. The contrast of cold porcelain against hot skin makes him realize just how hard his whole body must be flushing, damp from the water and sweat mixing on his skin. His hands find the sides of the tub and hold on for dear life as Eddie’s hand pumps and twists up the length of his shaft. He can feel Eddie’s eyes on him, staring, taking in every expression and breathy noise he releases. 

“Just relax, baby. I’ve got you.”

“You’ve got me.”

“That’s right. Good boy.”

Eddie’s hand speeds up, sloshing water up all around Steve’s chest. Heat pools in his stomach and Steve feels his balls draw up, nearing the edge in record time from the praise.

“Wait,” he says, dropping a hand down to still Eddie’s wrist.

“You okay?” Eddie asks, stopping instantly, concern lacing his voice. 

“‘M okay. I don’t want to cum yet. Want to fuck you.”

Eddie hums. “I thought I was taking care of you?”

“You can take care of me while I fuck you. Ride me into the mattress.”

“Fuck, Stevie. Let’s go.” Eddie helps Steve out of the tub, drying him just enough that he’s not dripping into the carpet. Steve’s skin is red hot, the heat bubbling over into Eddie’s chest as they collide in a sloppy kiss, hardly breaking apart as they stumble to the bedroom. 

Eddie pushes Steve down onto the bed and hovers over him, admiring. He’s hard and aching, leaking against his stomach and he pulls Eddie into him, crashing their lips back together so hard their teeth clack against one another. Eddie is still fully dressed and that just won’t do. Steve’s hands roam Eddie’s body, feeling and squeezing until he reaches the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it over his head. Eddie has new tattoos all over his chest, including Steve’s bat, and he loves to kiss over it, sucking bruises into the outline until it’s puffy and sticking out, raised against his milky white skin. Eddie undoes his belt hastily, pulling his pants and underwear off his hips until they fall to the ground with a clank of his belt buckle against the floor. 

“Lay back, I want you inside me.”

Steve groans. “You need to prep?”

“What do you think I do all day when you’re gone baby?”

Steve reaches around between Eddie's cheeks and sure enough he’s loose and pliant, ready to take Steve’s considerable girth. Steve twitches pathetically, precum spurting out of his tip all over the happy trail leading down to his pubes, thinking about Eddie laid out in their bed playing with himself, moaning wildly alone while he waits for Steve to trudge up the stairs to their little apartment with no promise he’ll even be fucked at all. 

“You ready for me?” Eddie asks.

“Yes chef.”

“Shit you don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

“I may have some idea.” Steve smirks, his eyes tracing over Eddie’s frame to his throbbing erection.

“Steve.”

“Yes?”

“Shut up.” Eddie straddles Steve’s hips and grabs his cock, lining himself up to sink down                       in one swift movement. 

The room is filled with the sound of their moans, their scents mingling together in a heady musk. Eddie’s hands find themselves on Steve’s chest, squeezing his pecks, a juxtaposition of soft skin and hard muscles sprinkled with thick hair. He bounces up and down at a ruthless pace, grinding his hips down with a little twist each time he sinks to the hilt. Steve falls apart under him, his face burying in the pillow beneath him, catching the cries and spit that pool on his tongue. He wants to plant his feet, drive his hips up and pound back relentlessly, drag more of those wanton moans from Eddie’s throat, but he’s so exhausted, the pleasure only adding to the led in his bones, so he lets Eddie take what he needs, let’s him dedicate his heart to Steve’s pleasure. He’s going to come already after being driven to the edge not five minutes earlier, but he needs to stave it off, hold back until he can be painted with Eddie’s cum. 

But Eddie knows him all too well. Knows every sound, knows the meaning of every pleasured grimace on his face. “Don’t wait for me honey. I want to make you feel good.”

“Can I…”

“Cum inside me baby. Want to feel you fall apart while I milk it out of you.”

Those words are all he needs, coming in thick ropes that paint Eddie’s walls. Steve is sensitive, crying out Eddie’s name as he keeps riding the last of Steve’s hard on, chasing his own pleasure. 

“Come on, Chef.” Steve wraps a hand around Eddie’s dick, stroking him hard and fast. “Need to see you cum on the fly, please.”

“Fuckkkk,” Eddie moans as he cums all over Steve’s chest. He falls boneless into Steve’s open arms. Steve wraps his arms around his neck and rubs a gentle hand up and down his back, kissing the hair matted with sweat against his forehead. 

“We need another bath.” Steve giggles.

“I’ll get a wash cloth. We can shower in the morning,” Eddie sighs, squeezing Steve back and letting his affection pour out in droves. He lifts himself off of Steve and feels his spend leaking out and making a mess. “But maybe we sleep on the couch tonight? I’m not changing the sheets.”

Eddie scurries off to the bathroom so he doesn’t drip all over the carpet and returns a couple minutes later to towel Steve off. He picks Steve up, throwing him over his shoulder to carry him to the living room, neither of them being bothered to even put on boxers. Eddie puts on a movie and they drift to sleep in each other’s arms, a tangle of limbs and shared body heat so they can both fit on the small couch. The next morning they shower together as promised before Steve has to leave for the restaurant. All day, with every call of ‘Yes, chef!’ he can’t help but think of Eddie and smile to himself. He doesn’t think working in a kitchen will ever be the same again.

[royalelusts]

i love the teenage m! reader hcs you wrote for obey me! could you write some hcs with the same prompt but different characters? have a nice day!!

im glad you enjoyed reading them! i had fun writing it! i hope you enjoy this one too.

✰ mammon

⚬ When i tell you he was annoyed

⚬ Not only does he have to watch the exchange student

⚬ The exchange student is a random teenage boy

⚬ Not to mention a human

⚬ What was lucifer thinking??

⚬ But his annoyance didn’t last long

⚬ This brought opportunity!

⚬ He could plan out so many schemes using you

⚬…was his first initial thought process

⚬ How was he supposed to know you were going to get this close to his heart?!

⚬ Oh well now you have big brother mammon in your life

⚬ He definitely still pulls you into his schemes

⚬ Well he tries to

⚬ He’ll come up to you all excited telling you his next plan

⚬ Only for you to look him dead in his face and say “that is the stupidest shit i've heard all day”

⚬ >:/

⚬ Well damn you couldve just said you didnt like it and kept it moving

⚬ But it does pull him out of a lot of dumb things so its technically a win

⚬ Oh do you remember that one devilgram story where mammon left for a while?

⚬ When he came back to see how concerned you were he lowkey felt bad

⚬ Like wow i really left my partner in crime

⚬ He is your number one supporter

⚬ You got a 54 on a test?

⚬ Hell yeah lets go celebrate

⚬ He’s like one of those moms who complain about you telling him about a project at the last minute but then breaks their back to help you finish it

⚬ When you came back to the house of lamentation after chapter 16 he was the first one you talked to

⚬ More like clung to but whatever

⚬ Tbh he was the one that convinced you to come back

⚬ “Even if you’re obnoxious sometimes you’re my responsibility. I got you.”

✰ leviathan

⚬ To be honest when you first met leviathan you were kinda excited

⚬ One of the pins on his shirt (vest? jacket?? cloak???) was from an anime you liked

⚬ It was just a bit of normalcy considering the whole situation

⚬ Then he called you a normie…

⚬ YOU GAVE HIM THE MEANEST SIDE EYE

⚬ “At least im not a shut in”

⚬ …

⚬ that lowkey hurt his feelings :/

⚬ There was so much tension between both of you

⚬ It was unbearable for everyone

⚬ This also made it difficult when you needed to borrow his vinyl

⚬ And when he wouldnt let you in his room?

⚬ You did the most logical thing in the world obviously

⚬ “It doesn’t matter. TSL sucks anyway.”

⚬ WHEN I TELL YOU THE DOOR FLEW OPEN

⚬ Mammon had to drag you away before things got too heated

⚬ After the whole tsl fiasco the tension dialed down

⚬ The hatred turned into competitive energy :D

⚬ By default you are now Henry

⚬ Sorry there isn’t any room for arguments

⚬ Levi now indulges in all of your interest

⚬ You even got him interested in some of them

⚬ he keeps a lookout for exclusive items to get you

⚬ Why shouldnt you have the best items???

⚬ Late night binges and game nights!!!

⚬ Lucifer has scold you many times about staying up for diavolo knows how long

⚬ But why would you listen to an old man like him anyway?

⚬ You had mentioned that you’ve never been to a convention before and levi was appalled

⚬ He now takes you to all of them with full cosplay if you want

⚬ Lets just say everyone wants to be you two

⚬ Moral of the story y’all are besties now

✰ belphegor

⚬ “You’re bullshitting me right? I risked my life to get that stupid vinyl from Levi to get up here only to find some random guy locked away?”

⚬ …huh

⚬ The person that’s going to let him out was a human?

⚬ Not to mention a teenage boy at that

⚬ Well we cant be picky

⚬ Assumed you were gonna be easy to manipulate

⚬ …key word assumed

⚬ WHY WERE YOU SO STUBBORN??

⚬ “Even if you are a human you’re locked up for a reason right?”

⚬ No matter how much he tried he couldn’t convince you to help him

⚬ Wanted to slam his head into the wall with the headache you were giving him

⚬ Somehow you left agreeing to get the rest of the pacts

⚬ (you vaguely remembered seeing a picture of him and beel happy together so you caved)

⚬ Throughout the process though you would manage to slip past lucifer to visit the attic

⚬ You would tell belphie about the crazy adventures you’ve been through since arriving

⚬ As obnoxious as you were he did find the stories of his twin enduring

⚬ Anyway to the attic events

⚬ “See i knew there was reason your ass was locked up”

⚬ When he went in for the “hug” you socked him straight in his jaw and booked it down the stairs

⚬ *cue cat and mouse chase music*

⚬ After that things were….mhm

⚬ You refused to stay at the hall of lamentation for a while

⚬ Even when you were convinced to come back you were obviously tense around them

⚬ The first time you spoke to belphegor again was when he caught you late at night in the kitchen

⚬ He apologized but didnt blame you if you didnt want to be around them

⚬ “Its not everyday i get strangled by a guy i saved”

⚬ You both chuckled

⚬ Building trust was an extremely long process and you made belphegor work for it

⚬ Oh but when things do get better though??

⚬ MENACES I TELL YOU

⚬ Y’all can shit talk everyone for hours

⚬ Its how you two bond <3

⚬ You thought the dissing was limited to the privacy of your rooms?

⚬ You my little friend are sadly mistaken

⚬ There are codenames for people if you’re talking in public

⚬ No one is safe

⚬ Oh and if said person/demon/angel does something around you two?

⚬ Sending a single look across the room will say everything you need to

⚬ You’re now an honorary member of the anti-lucifer league

⚬ You found out that belphegor has the comfiest bed out of everyone

⚬ So now that’s where you take majority of your naps

⚬ Though if you lay down before him he will not hesitate to fall on top of you

⚬ No use complaining young human

⚬ This is your fate now

[nerdmorkai]

Make me Admit Stuff (I'll do it myself edition)

MAKE ME ADMIT STUFF

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? No

3. Have you taken someones virginity? No

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Yes, my anxiety is bad enough with someone I trust.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes

6. What are you excited for? Finding Peace and getting laid (it's been a while)

7. What happened tonight? Chilled with a friend.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Yes, but it's anyone. My disgust is not gender specific.

9. Is confidence cute? Sure

10. What is the last beverage you had? Water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Five

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yes, I'm old

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Smoke and chill in Philly

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Presents

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Hopefully in spirit

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I'd imagine so, trauma usually does that.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? I have two close male friends I would tell anything and two female friends I would tell anything.

18. The last time you felt broken? Currently

19. Have you had sex today? Haha, no.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?I really have to start working towards re-building the life I want.

21. Are you in a good mood? Meh, 50/50

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Not really.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes

24. What do you want right this second? Physical touch

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Be bummed, but people will do what they want.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nope, gotta laugh.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Watched Mark Maron's last night. Dark, funny, and I laughed a lot.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? For the rest of my life.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Always.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? I don't really talk to boys. I guess no, my son is 14; he's still a boy.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I'm sure they have suspicions

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Yup, maybe once or twice a year.

34. Listening to? we're eating each other - Juliet Ivy

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yes, I take a lot of notes to help me remember things.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? In an urn waiting to be spread on a mountainside.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, it's happened to me.

38. Who did you last call? I don't make many phone calls. Estate Lawyer.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? My wife

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Love, so much fucking love.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? I'm not a cake guy. A few years. Pie though...

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Oh yea, I'm an idiot.

44. Do you tan in the nude? Haha, I don't tan. I am the whitest of white folk.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Never

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Many times.

47. Who was the last person to call you? Debt collector, only adulting shit starts with a phone call nowadays.

48. Do you sing in the shower? No

49. Do you dance in the car? Head bobs

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes, I was a boy scout. It's been twenty years probably.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Wedding day

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? They can be, but that's also part of the fun.

53. Is Christmas stressful? Depends on the finances.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? Yes, I live in prime Pennsylvannia Dutch territory.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Mixed berry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Comic book artist

57. Do you believe in ghosts? No in ways that are on Ghost Hunters.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the time. Especially from dreams.

59. Take a vitamin daily? Yes

60. Wear slippers? No, I am usually barefoot

61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes but rarely. Usually just walk naked to the dresser.

62. What do you wear to bed? boxer briefs

63. First concert? Hooty and the Blowfish

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? None of them.

65. Nike or Adidas? Neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I don't have one.

69. Ever take dance lessons? Nope, but I've thought about it.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Nope.

71. Can you curl your tongue? And hotdog.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? No

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes

74. What is your favorite book? American Gods by Neil Gaimen

75. Do you study better with or without music? With, but no lyrics. I listen to a lot of lofi while working.

76. Regularly burn incense? Yup

77. Ever been in love? I'd say three times.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Lonely Island Crew

79. What was the last concert you saw? James Arthur

80. Hot tea or cold tea? If I had to only drink one, hot.

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee

82. Favorite type of cookie? Peanut butter

83. Can you swim well? I wouldn't say well. Mediocre.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85. Are you patient? Extremely

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ

87. Ever won a contest? No

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No

89. Which are better black or green olives? Indifferent

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Required, sexual compatibility is very important for a healthy relationship (to me).

91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room/Den

92. Do you want to get married? No, I don't think I will

[sunnysynthsunshine]

I posted 2,644 times in 2022

150 posts created (6%)

2,494 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tigirl-and-co

@shotsofnovacaine

@trenchcoat-gecko

@deluxesoap

I tagged 974 of my posts in 2022

#fireman sam classic - 139 posts

#sonic - 122 posts

#fireman sam - 106 posts

#tmnt - 91 posts

#teenage mutant ninja turtles - 54 posts

#rik mayall - 48 posts

#sam peyton jones - 46 posts

#clifford - 35 posts

#aesthetic - 33 posts

#1980s rik - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#like i was like sonic and mlp and then tmnt took over and i thought transformers would be the next one but it ended up being fireman sam

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Happy Birthday Rik, you wonderful bastard!

See the full post

28 notes - Posted March 7, 2022

#4

See the full post

30 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

#3

a meme about daniel howell (and the nun thing)

54 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

#2

I made it, an alignment chart for high school shows

I haven’t seen Euphoria or Riverdale though, so let me know if it’s accurate

83 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Self Care with Sonic!

90s Cartoon Sonic: you’re doing good pal, just remember to look after yourself and you’ll be fine, brush your teeth and don't put yourself under too much pressure and stand up for what you believe is right

Sonic X Sonic: believe in yourself and you can achieve anything, explore new styles and genres, read new books, play new games, try something new or create something new

Adventure Sonic: “Go your own way, write your own story, you don’t have to worry about following anyone’s rule book, just do what makes you happy, and when it comes to times when your brain is pressuring you to think about bad things, just remember that “it doesn’t matter”, “it doesn’t matter” “it doesn’t matter”, listen to grounding music and occupy yourself with your hobbies,"

Boom Sonic: you're not a bad person for expressing yourself and your thoughts on things, you have boundaries, you have opinions and people should listen, it’s ok if you can’t respond to every problem

Modern Sonic: Just keep going, explore more worlds, interests and skills, you could learn a thing or two from new experiences, be aware of your health and go easy on yourself

Movie Sonic: It’s going to be ok, you’ll be ok, you can do this, I know you can, you deserve to enjoy yourself, and when it gets too much, you can step back, put on some relaxing music and give yourself a self-care day”

"Ugly Sonic": I know the world can be pretty ugly, but there’s also a lot of beauty beneath

you’ll be fine, your doing good buddy

you don’t need to rip yourself apart just because you process information differently than others,

everybody has their own way, and if it helps you remember, then that’s good!

you deserve to enjoy things and feel happy

162 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

2022 was an interesting year, a lot of growth and a lot of revisiting old hyperfixations from my childhood,

here are some cool people you should follow:

@neil-neil-orange-peel @st4r-sh1ne @1863-project @maximum-headroom @woob @clockradio93 @shotsofnovacaine @miracle-romance @sprigatitofan @inzaneanomaly @harveythebritishguy2006 @fracturedimages @thrillbroswaggins

@leakyrectum @f5tornado @mag1cal-b0y @rikmayall

Thanks for making 2022 a great year

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[bullet-prooflove]

Donna’s Wednesday Radio Show Prompt List #5

Hey guys! As some of may know I do a weekly radioshow on Wednesdays and I thought why not put together a prompt list from some of the songs I’ve been playing. I thought it would bring some fresh prompts into our world!

Feel free to pop any of these prompts with a charcter I write for (You can find these on the pinned post on my blog) into my ASK box!

1.      Your kisses sweeter than honey 

2.      Started talkin' then the line went dead

3.      Do you remember what you said to me?

4.      She takes me as I am and that ain't easy

5.      Cause now we're partners in crime

6.      Heard he made you cry

7.      But tell me, does she kiss Like I used to kiss you?

8.     Give it to me faster, feel it, feel it

9.     Sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound

10.   Does everybody know right now exactly where you are?

11.   The softest touches, deeper than the ocean

12.   dream of what I'm doing, To you, undo you, 

13.   He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

14.   Cross your heart, won't tell no other

15.   He want lipstick, lip gloss, hickeys too

16.   Give me everythin' or none at all

17.   We lost track of time

18.   I don't wanna talk About things we've gone through

19.   Sweetest tastes, never gonna leave you

20.   Even when it hurts you, breathe it,

21.   I was in your arms Thinking I belonged there

22.   Her eyes, that's where hope lies

23.   There's a broken lampshade, ashtrays, burnt floors, beds unmade

24.   Love you to the moon and to Saturn

25.   You got me to hitch my knees up And pulled my legs apart

26.   someone way down here Loses someone dear

27.   But you cheated on me and that's for that now

28.   You make me happy with the things you do

29.   There's only one me and you cannot replace me

30.   You said my clothes were sexy You tore away my shirt

31.   I don't agree with her half the time But fuck, I'm glad she's mine

32.   Her boyfriend's working out of town, I find a reason to go 'round

33.   I count the days 'til she is mine

34.   Oh, I need a witness to see the mess I've made

35.   Her voice is echoed in my mind

36.   When times are hard and you need the love to turn to

37.   It would be different and you know it will

38.   I was too scared to jump in

39.   Think about me, when you're lonely

40.   Baby, you found another lady

41.   And I think you should come live with Me 

42.   I see her in her underwear I can't help but stop and stare

43.   It's all a blur last night

44.   did we get hitched last night

45.   I could see that you wanted more

46.   You can call me crazy But I know that she craves me

47.   Shut up and put your money where your mouth is

48.   She's packed her bag, it's in the trunk

49.   you reduced me to tears

50.   Getting angry doesn't solve anything

51.   tell me what you think about me

52.   I woke up, the room was cold

53.   Give it to me when you get home

54.   When it's all over, please get up and leave

55.   You said that maybe this is where it ends

56.   Won't you be my little darlin'?

57.   Chasing a good time

58.   That's what you get for waking up in Vegas

59.   Can you kiss me more?

60.   When I bite that lip, come get me

61.   Get up and shake the glitter off your clothes

62.   baby, you're the world to me

63.   You always let me down so tenderly

64.   We ain't got nothin' to lose

65.   I promise you it won't happen again

66.   I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get

67.   We'll make the same mistakes til the morning breaks

68.   How'd you look so good?

69.   I love the taste, All on my tongue, I want it

70.   I guess I'm a little bit shy

71.   The bad decisions that we made

72.   Why don't you walk out the door?

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to the working week although, for those of you in the NHS, welcome to just another day!

First of all, rest in peace, David Jude Jolicoeur a.k.a. Trugoy the Dove, one of the members of the amazing De Le Soul. Very sad. He was only 54. He leaves behind so much good music!

In other news … that was a brilliant weekend! Yes, I was very busy and worked very hard, but I did so from the comfort of my home. The Mighty Josiah is very self-sufficient these days, so I was able to eat and then work on Friday night. Belly full, house warm and quiet: perfect!

After the show on Saturday afternoon, I met with top geezer and big Mi-Soul fan Marcus Marnham, who knows a ton about radio and music, so we enjoyed a nerdy pint, reminiscing about pirate days. He has an immensely talented, singer/songwriter daughter and he needed a little advice. It makes me very happy to help people. I will do what I can. After 40 years in the music industry, although much has changed, the same principles apply: there is NO substitute for hard work. In fact, that goes for any industry you’re in. I guess some people inherit wealth or maybe use some superior sycophantic skills but, in general, very little is achieved without blood, sweat and a few tears.

On Sunday, as ever, I was up with the larks and watched ‘Match Of The Day’. Lots of pundits and online pundits getting very upset about nothing! Ah, football, we love it! Quickly dived down to Sainsbury’s, Ladbroke Grove to try and keep this fridge full. It will probably last a few days! Then The Trouble and I went to John Lewis at Brent Cross for what is probably the first time in 20-odd years! When I was a kid in Highgate, my mum used to go to Brent Cross all the time. It was something new and exciting, like an American mall, but now it looks a bit tired and shabby. Why were we in John Lewis? Nothing lasts forever anymore. Our toaster eventually gave up the ghost! And our washing machine sounds like it’s on its way out! Might be an expensive month?

Valentine’s Day is sorted. The Trouble likes steak and beer, so I’ve booked a table at a restaurant that does good steak and serves beer. See? That wasn’t complicated. Doesn’t sound romantic? Once I hear that she’s nodded-off for a good night’s sleep, it will be job done!

Many thanks to everyone that listened to the show on Saturday afternoon, and many thanks to those that will listen to any part of it on Mixcloud. The Letter L concludes on February 25 and then, on March 4, we begin one of the biggest letters in the musical alphabet. This will take us all through March and all through April. I will be engaging six executive producers to help me out.

Too Much Information Tuesday is back tomorrow with some eye-opening and eye-watering facts to get your day started.

Have a marvellous and momentous Monday. I love you all.

[mysteriouswolf]

hello hello _o/

i know we’ve not interacted before but im moots with geode/lux and i saw your vent post. i dont wanna overstep any boundaries and please feel free to ignore/delete this if you want to! but as someone who went through something similar i wanted to offer some advice. anything could help, and i simply refuse to ignore when someone is hurting. if there’s anything i can do to ease your worries, i’ll try.

in school, i was a top student but i started to suffer severely from undiagnosed mdd, cptsd, autism, disordered eating, anxiety, and a terrible home life to top it off. like you, i didn’t wanna do it anymore. i almost felt like i couldn’t do it anymore, and every day was a struggle to get up.

but looking back (and im 24 now) im so happy that i kept fighting through each and every day. because i promise you it gets so much better once you’re on the other side of school. i know you must feel an insane amount of pressure and stress right now, but i promise you everything will turn out okay.

i was a straight a student my entire life. then everything tanked and i graduated with like a 2.4 gpa. but guess what? there’s nothing less important to me now. even if you feel like you’re failing, you can still go to college and chase your dreams. when i was figuring out college courses you know what my college advisor told me? she listened to how stressed and nervous i was about planning my whole career and future, she looked me dead in the eyes and said “it doesn’t matter what your gpa is, it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get your degree. a job doesn’t care about those things, they only care that you have the degree. they don’t care if you’re 24 or 54. you can take all the time that you need.”

and that changed the course of my life, cause she was right. you don’t have to plan everything out, and you don’t need to rush through it all. hell, i realized that i didn’t want to go to college to become a pastry chef. instead i took my time, and ended up becoming a licensed senior pharmacy technician through other means. now im chasing my passions to be a writer and professional dungeon master.

this is a long way of saying that you aren’t alone. take it from someone who went through similar struggles; one day it won’t hurt so much, and you’ll have so much room to grow past your pain.

there are so many people who love you and would give what they can to help you. as they say, shared joy is twice the joy and shared sorrow is half the sorrow. don’t be afraid to reach out to them, or even me, for anything.

you’re allowed to slow down and take accommodations. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need. all that really matters is making sure you’re okay.

i hope you’re able to find at least a tiny amount of solace from my ramblings. and if not i apologize for the long read (whoops) have a lovely rest of your day <33

Affjakgkakga thank you <333 sorry it's taken me a bit to reply to this, I genuinely haven't had the energy lmao, but I just want you to know that just- knowing that practically some random internet stranger really cared about just like- the shit I was going through and cared about me really means a lot? Idk how to describe it well enough, but thank you <3333

Also, just a side note, I've read some of your stuff and it is genuinely incredible, I love it sm. You're really good at manipulating (in a good way) people's feelings with the way you write characters, and I bet that's done just as well in your DnD campaign, which is awesome :] I did not know that being a professional dungeon master was a thing, but that's really really cool, and tbh I would probably enjoy that so much lmao (I'm a dm with an inconsistent campaign with my friends right now)

Tysm for the ask and the advice <33333

[valokki]

(some of my) Favourite Drarry Podfics

Ever since I found fanfiction, I’ve been a huuuge sucker for podfics. I’m listening to stories all the time when I can’t actually read them; when I’m doing groceries, sitting on a bus, knitting, doing house chores, taking a walk... They always brighten my day and make boring duties feel so much easier, sometimes I even find myself waiting for being able to do the dishes, haha. I’m also always in awe of how talented the podficcers are and how they manage to make the stories alive in a completely new way with their presence.  

So, if you like podfics, I hope you find something to listen to from this list. Many of these podficcers have also recorded many more great podfics than I’ve mentioned on this list!

A Dark Place in Time || written by cutecoati, read by raitala || 55 min

What on earth was her son thinking, falling for Harry Potter of all people, Narcissa wonders. But after the death of her husband, she finds him useful in many, and sometimes surprising, regards.

A Fruit Tree in Winter || written by Bryoneybrynn, read by takola || 3 h 18 min

After failing in his task of killing Dumbledore, life doesn’t go as Draco expected. Sometimes just surviving takes everything you’ve got. And sometimes healing is something you can’t do alone. Story goes AU/AR from the end of Half-Blood Prince.

All Life is Yours to Miss || written by Saras_Girl, read by originally reads || 11 h 20 min

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

An Owl Named Romeo || written by Rickey, read by fire_juggler || 3 h 16 min

Draco breeds owls, Harry's an Auror, and an owl named Romeo is going to bring them together.

Away Childish Things || written by lettered, read by RattleandHum || 14 h 15 min

Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him.

Beards, Booty Shorts, and Binaries || written by aibidil, read by RattleandHum || 47 min

Harry was hoping for a quiet day at the office, but Hermione and Draco are waging a war on discrimination with beards and skirts.

Because Potter Is Allergic to Poppies || written by Lomonaaeren, read by sisi_rambles || 4 h 11 min

Auror Harry Potter is in hospital being treated for a curse when someone tries to kill him. Obviously it is up to bored, trapped Apprentice Healer Draco, who was only admitted to the Healer Program in the first place to do the menial work, to find out who did it. Because then they will promote him. No, it’s for no other reason, thanks.

Catfished || written by Saras_Girl, read by Rindle || 3 h 26 min

Draco is in deep water, Harry can see straight through him, and that's not even the full scale of the problem.

Checkmating || written by mahaliem, read by sisi_rambles || 1 h

In hopes of convincing Voldemort supporters to change sides, Ron decides that he and Harry should pair off with Slytherins.

Coffee || written by Writcraft, read by fire_juggler || 43 min

Sometimes it’s just a story about two wizards and a muggle coffee shop.

Come For Me || written by frayach, read by Queenie_Mab || 3 h 3 min

After Draco is paralyzed in an accident, he and Harry discover a new way to make love.

Dad Says|| written & read by GallaPlacidia || 3 h 54 min

Eleven-year-old Scorpius starts writing to Harry. Harry starts to fall in love with Draco through his portrayal in his son's letters.

Featuring an extremely remorseful Draco living with muggles and working at a second-hand book shop, an isolated Harry, and a Scorpius who's dreading going to Hogwarts because he knows he'll be bullied there.

Draco Malfoy, It's Your Lucky Day || written by Faith Wood, read by sisi_rambles || 3 h 51 min

Even though he's unarmed, injured, lost in the Forbidden Forest, and facing a possible murder charge, Draco Malfoy gets lucky.

Drop Dead Gorgeous || written by Maya, read by heatherifics || 12 h 55 min

In which Harry finds out he is a veela.

Here’s the Pencil, Make It Work || written by ignatiustrout, read by teas_me  || 5 h 21 min

Harry thinks, "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run || written by waspabi, read by Lazulus || 9 h 26 min

'You're a wizard, Harry' is easier to hear from a half-giant when you're eleven, rather than from some kids on a tube platform when you're seventeen and late for work.

House Proud || written by astolat, read by Lazulus || 2 h 4 min

His house liked Draco Malfoy more than him.

If the Fates Allow || written by Saras_Girl, read by lastontheboat || 8 h 10 min

What's that crackling in the walls? Harry has no clue at all. He'll eat some cake and drink some wine Because he is completely FINE.

--A story about life's disregard for our plans.

[2017 advent story]

Keep Holding On || written by gnarf, read by Thunder_of_Dragons || 3 h 35 min

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry and Draco both fall into their own battles with their mental states. Draco is sent to Azkaban, and Harry turns to drinking, hoping to forget.

Months later, Harry visits St Mungo’s new ward on the request of a friend, only to find Draco in a deep vegetative state.

Not willing to give him up, Harry stays by his side, while simultaneously dealing with the Ministry's newest grand idea to make everything worse.

Making new allies, and losing old ones along the way, will hopefully be worth it in the end.

Kiss the Joy (Until the Sun Rise) || written by ICMezzo, read by CurseBound || 3 h 43 min

The Room of Requirement was severely damaged in the war, but not so much that it could not provide for one lost student and another young hero—especially when they needed each other most of all.

Let's Pretend the War is Over || written by pir8fancier, read by raitala || 48 min

The war is over and Draco is alone, fighting demons of a different nature. This is obviously an AU by now. Written after "The Half-Blood Prince" came out.

Like Diamonds We Are Cut With Our Own Dust || written & read by raitala ||   1 h 9 min

Draco has borne the mark of the Dark Lord for over ten years. It is familiar to him, but he pays the price for it every day, and Harry has noticed.

Modern Love || written by tackytiger, read by lastontheboat || 5 h 30 min

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

Because things don’t really change, do they? And if Harry can’t be happy, he’ll settle for a good night’s sleep, some posh antiques, and the opportunity to find out what Malfoy has been up to for all these years.

And that’s what starts it all.

No Shadow Taller Than Our Souls || written by khasael, read by seeking_semperfiona || 3 h 59 min

Auror Potter and Unspeakable Malfoy team up to investigate a series of missing persons, and it soon becomes apparent that Dementors are involved. Despite their initial misgivings, Harry and Draco find that they need each other's help, in more ways than one.

On One's Knees || written by pir8fancier, read by raitala || 3 h 6 min

The war is over and to the victors go the spoils

Warning: Bitter-sweet ending

Open for Repairs || written by FeelsforBreakfast, read by RattleandHum || 1 h  1 min

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

Feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary.

Pieces of You || written by Janieohio, read by PhenomenalAsterisk || 1 h 22 min

Harry and Draco have moved in together, but Harry is hiding the truth of his childhood from Draco. Draco struggles to understand until a phone call from Harry's estranged cousin changes everything.

Reparations + Foundations || written by Saras_Girl, read by 6shotamericano || 9 h 51 min + 27 h 20 min

Reparations: Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places. 

Foundations: When one door closes, another one opens – with a bit of a push. Life, love and complications.

Running on Air || written by eleventy7, read by Tha_rin || 7 h 49 min

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

Scaredy Cat || written & read by GallaPlacidia || 3 h 23 min

Draco is cursed and starts uncontrollably turning into a kitten whenever he's stressed. There is, of course, only one logical solution: he must move in with Harry until they figure out how to break the curse.

Secrets || written by Vorabiza, read by Opalsong || 44 h 23 min

Beginning with Draco's unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry's summer becomes filled with activity and many secrets. He generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side.

Storm in a Teacup || written by Faith Wood, read by sisi_rambles || 51 min

For reasons he'd rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter's hair. This cannot end well.

The Boy Who Only Lived Twice || written by lettered, read by TheOneCalledEli || 5 h 52 min

Harry Potter is an Unspeakable. Draco Malfoy is the wizard who shagged him. Adventure! Intrigue! Secret identities, celebrities, spies! It's all right here, folks.

The Bucket List || written & read by GallaPlacidia || 2 h 40 min

Draco will die in six months if he can't get Harry Potter to fall in love with him. Since that's not going to happen, he might as well spend his last days working through his Bucket List. Tap-dancing lessons? Rock climbing? Poetry-writing? Threesomes? Cocaine? Getting to know his adorable cousin, Teddy Lupin? Draco will try them all!

Feat. Cheerily pessimistic Draco, devoted bitch queen Pansy Parkinson, and a Harry who can't help but notice that something seems DIFFERENT about Draco, these days.

The Four Doors || written by fluxweed, read by lastontheboat || 4 h 55 min

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain || written by Faith Wood, read by seeking_semperfiona || 2 h 10 min

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that's ever so cross.

The Next Twenty-Four Hours || written by Saras_Girl, read by JocundaSykes || 18 min

In twenty-four hours, the Ministry will take your life. Until then, I’m all yours.

The Price We Pay for Wings || written by frayach, read by raitala || 1 h 21 min

So the struck eagle, stretch’d upon the plain, No more through rolling clouds to soar again, View’d his own feather on the fatal dart, And wing’d the shaft that quiver’d in his heart.

~ Lord Byron

The Purpose of Rubber Ducks || written by renrenren3, read by teas_me || 1 h 44 min

Harry likes his job in the Office for the Regulamentation and Control of Interweb Publications well enough, but Malfoy's being a git and making trouble as usual. Luckily Harry can go home and chat with his new friend, the anonymous comedy blogger who's so popular with wizards and Muggles alike... Features Muggles, inter-office memos, house-elves, rubber ducks, 4am chats, and porn. Because that's what the internet is for.

The World Thy Gaol || written by November Snowflake, read by sisi_rambles || 1 h 55 min

When Draco finds himself a pariah in Wizarding society after the war, he comes up with a whole new way to show his face in public. But he never expected Harry bloody Potter to want in on the plan.

Turn || written by Saras_Girl, read by Queenie_Mab || ~ 36 h 40 min

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

What We Pretend We Can't See || written gyzym, read by FayJay || 12 h 49 min

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

[snailsnfriends]

The Importance of Word Choice and the Dream SMP

Recently, I saw a tweet that gained my interest about c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship and the replies got me thinking about something that I’ve taken notice of on here and on Twitter. This thing was the importance of word choice. Here’s the tweet I was talking about, which can be found here if you would like to see it and the replies for yourself.

Now, whether or not you personally agree with this take is irrelevant to the points I’m going to make, but it’s here for reference. Let’s begin!

The importance of word choice

As we are all aware, the Dream SMP is not real. It is all written and acted out. Everyone is part of a planned narrative, and none of the characters of the SMP are real, however, like other pieces of media, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t realistic elements to the SMP, just like any other piece of media you’ve ever consumed. In this case, it just so happens that the realistic elements of the SMP are mental illness and abuse. 

So, why is word choice important here? Let’s do an exercise to help show the importance of word choice and what it may imply. Every time “c!Tommy” or “Tommy” is written here, replace it in your head with “the victim.” Do the same for Dream, but instead replace it with “the abuser.” We’ll also replace “exile” with “abuse.” Let’s start with this reply:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “i mean i agree with you but i also think some people need to realize that the victim kept provoking the abuser. they were both awful to each other and i think thats the whole problem” Let’s do it again with another example:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “the day when people realize that the abuser was willing to compromise and the only reason why the victim was even abused was bc he couldn’t keep his mouth shut is the day i finally feel peace” Let’s do it one more time:

If we replace the words, here’s how this tweet would read: “You do realize that the victim was given several chances and was originally just going to be put on probation but he fucked up that chance lmfao / i’m not saying he didn’t go through shit in abuse, blah blah blah but he was given chances and he decided to make shit worse for himself”

“Okay, sure, cool, but why does this matter? It’s just a Minecraft roleplay. You changed the words!”

But now that the words have been swapped, you can understand how poorly these takes are worded. When these character names are put into their relationship contexts, things become obvious. Instead of these being “c!Dream apologist hot takes,” they very clearly become victim blaming and abuse justification posts, stating that the victim had it coming. That they were given chances. That they deserved it. That they made it worse for themselves. I don't think I need to explain how horrible these statements are for you to understand the problem.

This is just a Minecraft roleplay, and this is just a story, but all stories have realistic elements, and when these realistic elements are mental illness and abuse, word choice is very important, because these things are real. There are real people who go through mental illness and abuse, and when c!Dream’s abusive tendencies and c!Tommy’s victimhood and trauma responses are textbook examples, you need to be very careful when discussing them, because they are bound to be relatable and they'll hit home for many people.

“Well, why do I need to be careful? Why does it matter?”

You need to be careful, because, as I said earlier, these things are real. There are real-life abuse victims who will see these responses. There are real-life people who relate to c!Tommy’s response to trauma. They will see people who are so willing to excuse or diminish abuse, and if they’re so willing to defend abusive fictional characters, how willing will they be to defend real ones? How susceptible are these people to abuse if they can’t make out the clear signs of it? Have they gaslighted others? Have they gaslighted themselves? How does this show their implicit biases? What message is this trying to send? What real-life implications do these posts have?

Everything you have ever read has been written that way for a reason. Every historical document, every textbook, every speech, every monologue, every piece of dialogue, every descriptive paragraph in a book, every news article, everything. This is exactly why word choice is important, because it implies intent and gives the text impact. You send a message through your words, so they are never empty. Whether it’s discussing the Dream SMP characters or listening to a president’s speech or reading a textbook given to you by your school, you should always try to be aware of what words are being used, why they’re being used, what emotion they’re trying to invoke in the reader, what message is trying to be conveyed, and what the words being used imply about the speaker or narrator. The entire beginning of one of the first big Dream SMP conflicts relied on words being used for battle instead of weapons because of their importance.

And with that, I’ll leave you with this:

“We don’t win wars with battles and with armour. We win wars with our words, Tommy. We’re starting a revolution, not a war.” - (Wilbur’s The Wall: 4:54, 29th July). 

Word choice is important. Always think critically about the message you’re sending with your words. They have an impact, and they matter. 

[chelleztjs18]

Lost in Assistance - Ch. 54

Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/n is a professional celebrity's personal assistant in Hollywood got hired with two years contract to be the assistant of the famous and talented Elizabeth Olsen / Lizzie by her manager. Both Y/n and Lizzie hate each other since day one, and they have mutual friend. One is as stubborn as the other, will Y/n stay when Lizzie gives attitudes and tries her best to make her quit before the contract ends?

Warning: fluff, angst, smut (in future chapters), swearing words ( +18 only)

I do not own any pictures, name, brand, song titles or anything that I used in this story.

All chapters

A/n: Hello everybody! Yaaayy here is ch. 54. I'm glad this is done. There is a song I use in this chapter it's "Love Song" by 311. This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but it's enough to prepare you for what's coming in future chapters. Lol. I didn't proof read this chapter as I'm in the car and it makes mr dizzy reading in the car. So pardon me for errors. Well, enjoy! Happy reading everybody!

Both of you finally arrived at the apartment. You help Lizzie with her suitcase and bags. As usual, you check everything for her, make sure everything is okay for her. Then you prepare the dinner for her on the table that you got on the way back. You still don’t talk much since what happened at the airport. She knows that it still bothers you. While eating dinner, silence still fills the space between you two. You only talk when it’s necessary.

You are trying so hard not to be selfish to her or act like this to her and trying hard to understand her position. She tries to hold your hand on the table, you let her but she knows and notices the difference. “Sweetie, are you still mad at me? I’m sorry. I really hope you understand my situation.” She breaks the silence with her question and pleads.

“Don’t worry about it, Liz.” You answer short and try not to look at her eyes. You don’t even know why you are acting like this. Your brain tells you that you are an idiot selfish person for being like this to her, but your heart right now is being so irrational for taking personally what happened at the airport and what she said there. You know that, yet this time you follow your heart without bringing your brain with you. You stand up as you are done and you notice she is done as well. “Are you done with this?”

She looks at you sad, noticing you didn’t even call her with the pet names you always use to call her. “Yes, I am, love..” She calls you with the same pet names, hoping you just forgot to use pet names when you call her then you realize but she gets nothing. You do the dishes and clean up. She tries to help you. She looks at you, you patch a forced smile for her. Again, she notices the difference. Her hope disintegrated and a weight brought down her heart knowing that you really are mad at her.

Her mind is trying to figure out another way to show you how sorry she is. She plays the song “Love Song” by 311 through the speaker. You notice and you know the lyrics and what she is trying to do. You feel she hugs you from behind, her arms wrap to your front and you feel she rests her head on your back.

As you are done, you hold her hand that sticks to your top abdomen. You close your eyes, and from the movement of your back that raises up then down, she can feel you are taking a deep breath. Warmth fills your heart when you hear the lyric as what she is trying to tell you but the more you listen to it, the more it puts weight on your heart at the same time. It makes your heart demands more from her. The more your heart wants to show how much you love her, the more you want the world to know that you belong to each other.

Your heart doesn’t want to love her in secrets nor in the shadows. You are proud to be hers and you are grateful that she is yours and that’s what you want to show her and to everybody else. You turn around facing her with her still hugging you and her arms wrapping you tight. She looks up to you. She closes her eyes as soon as you run both of your index fingers through her hair lines and her hair then back to her forehead and run it past both of her eyebrows and her temples. This time you continue to run all your fingers gently on every inch of her face, her cheekbones along her jawlines.

You hate that what happened at the airport happened at the same time when you needed her to face the situation about your mom. You start to think maybe you are just overwhelmed with everything right now. Without words from you yet what you are doing to her face and her hair make her think that the song and her hug make you not mad at her anymore. She opens her eyes and smiles at you. “I love you. Can you stay the night with me please?”

You take a deep breath before you answer. “I love you too but I’m sorry Liz, I think I’m gonna stay up stairs at my apartment. It has been a while since I left my apartment and I haven’t worked for a while, so I need to make sure everything is okay and prepare for tomorrow. I’ll be here at 7 A.M to pick you up plus I need to be alone right now.”

Her lips are slightly open with surprise. “Oh. Okay. Need to be alone? Is it because of what I said and did at the airport?”

“I’m sorry, Liz. I think I better get going now.” You kiss her cheek then she lets her arms off of you as you push them gently and you walk away from her, grabbing all your things and leaving. The sounds of the door shut twisted her stomach, her head pounding with every tick of clock. Her brain is flooding with questions and racing thoughts.

As soon as you get into your apartment, you stay in your room with thoughts swirling through your mind. Your heart and brain are still arguing internally. You are thinking about your mom and about you and Lizzie. Makes your mind so cloudy, and your temples pounding with each beat of heart.

You try to get a break from your mind and you prepare everything for tomorrow to distract your mind. After that you take a shower and get ready to go to bed. You heard a ding from your phone. It’s a text from Lizzie. “I hope we are okay. I love you and I’m sorry. Good night, sweetie.”

“We are okay. I love you too. Good night, Liz.” You replied. You think a little more until you fall asleep.

_____

Morning has come. As soon as she wakes up, she instantly remembers about yesterday. She decides to do one more thing as her effort to apologize to you. She gets ready early and walks out to buy a bouquet of red roses. She wants to surprise you at your door and tell you how sorry she is and she will try her best to open up slowly to people about both of you. She really hopes with her all of her life that this will make you feel better and not mad at her anymore. She wants to show how much she is willing to work on things to make everything between you and her works out, and that’s how much she loves you.

She quickly gets ready, and plans to go up to your apartment before 7 A.M. It’s 6.40, she is ready to go. She opens her door and she finds you, with a bouquet of red roses, breakfast and a hot coffee look struggling trying to find the key to her door. “Lizzie, darling? Where were you going?” You ask as you notice the bouquet of roses on her hand. “Why did you come early? I thought you said you are coming at 7?” The blonde looks as confused as you are.

“Uh, can I come in, love? I need to put everything inside.” You ask as you smile. There it is again, she is happy that she hears them again. The pet name that always comes out from you and gives her butterflies every time she hears them. She smiles back at you and moves aside to let you in. “Of course. I’m sorry.” She closes the door as soon as you get in. You put everything but the flowers. She walks to you and you turn around to her at the same time as you walk to her.

“Y/n, sweetie I’m so sorr--” You shut her words with a kiss. A gentle, passionate and lovely kiss. She lets out a sigh and a soft hum as soon as she feels your lips brush hers as if it sends a soft vibration of electric waves all over her body. Both of you hug each other at the same time with each of you holding the same bouquet of red roses. You hold her by her waist while she wraps her arms on your shoulders. Her lips follow your lips’ movement in unison. She tilts her head a little to get easier access to kiss you deeper, as she opens her lips slightly and you gently swipes your tongue along her parted lips and the tip of her tongue quickly welcome yours with a tease as you both continue kissing until the air is needed then you stop and you both pressed your forehead to each other, both of you close your eyes, feeling the closeness of each others warm comforting presences. Both of you giggle and smile from ear to ear.

She pulls her head back to look at you and you open your eyes at the same time. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. “Ssst sstt. I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was being selfish. I shouldn’t pressure you to come out to the world. It has to be on your own time not mine. I understand that it’s not easy for you because you are famous, it gives you anxiety as well. I’ll wait until you are ready to tell everybody about us. I’ll follow your sign whenever. Okay? I love you.” You look at her jade green eyes as you tell her everything you need to say.

Her eyes are sparkling. Her smile lit up. “Thank you. It means a lot to me. I appreciate it, I appreciate you.” Her thumb strokes your cheeks and the line of your smile on your face.

“So, where were you going? You had a date to go, carrying the roses?” You tease as your eyes flick to the roses she is holding. “Oh. Uh-it--Uh It was for you. I was going to come up and  surprise you with it. I was going to apologize one more time. “Aaaw my little stalker was going to come with a bouquet of roses? How sweet.” You tease her again and she rolls her eyes.

“I bought you one as well. I guess great minds think alike?” You smile as your hand holds up the roses to show her and both of you laugh. “I got us breakfast and a hot coffee for you. It’s pretty cold today so I thought you wanted your usual hot coffee.” You pull out from the hug to put the flowers in a vase, open the breakfast you bought and have a quick breakfast.

After breakfast, both of you get ready to leave but your blonde woman stops you. “Hold on. I don’t like what you are wearing. Here, wear this.” She throws a tshirt to you. You are perplexed, yet you follow what she told you. You check the t-shirt and you realize which one it is. You gasp and laugh. As soon as you turn your head to her, she already unzips her jacket, showing you she is wearing a shirt with your face on it that’s covered with flour. “Oh yeah, the bet is still on. So put that on babe. We are wearing it to work.”

“Seriously?” You ask, hoping she was just joking. “Uh Huh. So go change, don’t make me strip your shirt off babe, if I do it, we might end up not going to work.” She wink as she spanks playfully at your bottom. “Ouch! Okay. I’ll just change here.” You wink at her as you take off your jacket then your top, letting her see you only with your bra. You see her looking at you biting her lips, looking like a little kid seeing a cake.

She quickly steps closer to you, and pushes your hands away quickly when you are about to put on the t-shirt. She leans down and gives kisses on both mounts of your breast, her fingers from both hands quickly pull down the cup of your bra and gives a quick suck and nibbles on each of your nubs. You take a shaky breath and a soft moan slips out. “Okay okay, we gotta go to work, darling.” You giggle.

She pulls up and smirks at you. “You asked for it babe.” She giggles with her lips caught in her own teeth as she is still looking at you while you are putting on the shirt. You put your jacket back on after that. “How did you get these shirts?” You ask but soon you realize. “Oh. You took it from my closet when you were looking for the coat, didnt you?” You ask as both of you walk out and go to the parking lot. “Uh huh. I saw it, so I took it. “ She answers with another playful smile.

After that you drive her to the set. On the way, you turn on the same song she played last night and you hold her hand. “I’m sorry I was being rude when you were trying to be nice and sweet last night.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” She smiles at you, looking at you as you kiss the back of her hand and you continue driving.

_____

You arrived at the set’s parking lot. “Are you sure you want to do this bet? People will question us and our relationship.” You ask as you try to remind her. “Yeah. It’s okay. It will be mostly the casts. They are your friends too. I’ll tell them to keep it low key about us.” She answers as she gets out of the car.

You let her lead the way, so you can follow what she wants on how you act around her in front of everybody at the set but you got your answer right away. She grabs your hand and entwines your fingers with hers and gently pulls you closer to her so you’ll walk side by side. You look at her and she already looks at you smiling makes you smile even wider.

Some crews greet both of you. Some notice your shirts, some don’t. Some notice that both of you are holding hands but they know how it works, everything that happens in the set stays in the set.

“Liz! Hello!” The tall British actor walks to her to give her a hug but quickly stops to check out the shirt. “Ouh, those are quite a shirt right there. Is that… y/n? And that’s your face right on y/n’s shirt? Oh hi y/n, sorry didn’t mean to be rude. I got distracted with your shirts here.” Paul looks at each of the shirts as he points and asks questions about them and greets you with the same warmth he does to Lizzie. You notice that other casts have their attention on both of you because of Paul’s loud comment.

“Hi Paul. How are you?” She stretches out her right arms to give him a hug as her left hand is still holding yours. “I’m good,darling. Oops, is it okay if I call you that in front of y/n? Since it seems that you guys are together?” He hugs her and points at your hand holding as he asks.

“Yes we are, Paul.” She laughs as her thumb strokes the back of your hand. “And don’t worry Paul, I’m not the jealous type.” You threw out a joke. “Oh really?” Lizzie looks at you and asks you with a teasing tone. Paul laughs.

“Hey Liz. Hey y/n. Wow, are you guys that type of couple who wear matching t-shirts with each other’s face? How cute.” The Iron Man cast teases both of you as he gives her a hug as well. C.Evans, C. Hemsworth, Sebastian and Jeremy and Scarlett come to see both of you. You start to blush, your heartbeat quickens from nervousness.

“It’s just a stupid bet, Robert. She dared me to wear one with her face and she wore hers, I said yes, thought that she wouldn’t really do it, but she did.” You explain.

“You should’ve known that she would definitely do it. You know how competitive she is.” C, Evans says while laughing at the t-shirt with his hand on his chest. “Oh yeah, she is very competitive.” Paul adds, you are looking at him with an all red face makes it hard for you to hold a laugh.

“Well a bet is a bet guys. So she needs to deal with it.” Your woman replies followed with her iconic laughing sounds.

“Oh my God, boys leave them alone. They look cute like this! They are love birds so no wonder they wear matching t-shirts. Congratulations guys! You two always make a cute couple.” Scarlett comes and gives both of you a hug. “It was just a bet, Scar.” You deny it once again. “Oh shut up y/n.” Scarlett teases you. “Wait, how did you know that we are together?” You ask in confusion. “I told her, the next morning after the office party.” Lizzie winks at you. 

“Told her everything?” Your eyes widened, hoping it is not what you think it is as you ask Lizzie.. “Yes y/n, everything.” Scarlett winks and pats your shoulder gently, noticing your cheeks get even redder when you realize what Scar meant with the word everything.

“We kinda knew that there was something going on between you when we saw the leaked pictures. We just wait until you tell us.” Sebastian adds and gives Lizzie a hug. “Really?.” Lizzie laughs.

“Oh yeah, your smile in those pictures? Priceless. Pure happiness.” C. Hemsworth's heavy voice made its presence to your ears as the very tall with thick Australian accent actor gave both of you a very tight hug, the tightest of all hugs the other casts ever gave you.

As soon as the God of Thunder cast lets go of his tight hugs and walks away, Lizzie looks at you with a smile and you whisper to her “Thank you, my love.” then pecks a soft short kiss to her cheek. “You are welcomed, babe.”

"No kisses if you guys want to keep it lowkey!" Anthony yells from where he sits, teasing both of you and wave at you two. Both of you laugh. Deep down, Lizzie feels so relieved by her friends’ positive reaction about your relationship and she has never been this happy.

The filming starts like usual and everything is going well. You video call with your mom every time you can. Lizzie requests you to do the video calls when she is on break so she can talk with your mom too. So you do it every time she is on her break.

Day by day, the week turns to the second week. You and Lizzie call your mom every single day. You are in denial about how she looks weaker and weaker everyday. You know that her condition is going downhill slowly but surely.

Until one day, when you are at the set and Lizzie is filming her scene. You get a phone call. Your heart drops and almost stops beating when you answer the call. The call pulls you into a panic attack in a second. Your stomach turns and you want to throw up but you can’t. You quickly go to Lizzie’s trailer to grab all your things, put everything in the car. You try to get everything done as soon as you can. You called Jane and told her about the call. She lets you fly back home for this urgent matter and will handle the rest for Lizzie. You try to focus on booking a flight for you back home. It’s almost impossible to do when your mind becomes cloudy and murky. Vivid images parading across your mind. Thoughts are pinging back and forth.

Fortunately you found a flight and you can fly back home soon. You try to wait as long as you can hoping that Lizzie will be done doing her scene but sadly things don’t work out. You are running out of time, you have to leave soon to catch your flight. You hate to leave her this way but you thought you could leave a text that she can read later when she is done filming.

You are walking with your head down focusing on your phone to leave your scarlet witch on the set and you bump on to Scarlett. “Whoa, watch where you are going, y/n.”

“Oh God, Scar, thank God you are here, uh I need you to do me a favor.” You put your phone in your pocket and you focus on the blonde actress. “Y/n, are you okay? You look pale and worried. Is everything okay?” She furrowed her eyebrows and her question was full of concern.

“No. No, everything is not okay. I--I--” You stutter and try to hold back your tears. “Uh--I-I have to fly back home right now. The hospital called me and they want me to come there as soon as I can. I tried to wait for Lizzie to tell her but I have to leave right now to catch my flight. Can you tell her later about this? I’ll leave her text as well for her to read later. Please Scar, it will mean a lot to me.” You explain it real quick as you beg her for her help to tell Lizzie later.

“Y-yeah yeah sure. Oh my God, is it about your mom? I’m so sorry y/n. I hope everything will be alright. I’ll tell Lizzie later.” She gives you a tight comforting hug. “Thank you Scar.” You return her hug and leave in a hurry.

You get a cab to go to the airport with a heavy heart, worrying about your mom.

Ch. 55

A/n: Well I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think. As usual reblogs, comments, likes and feedback are always appreciated. See you in next. :D

Cheerio

Chellez TjS

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