#does this all make sense. i feel strongly about it.
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I would like to point out how clearly remake shows us that Ellen is not satisfied with Thomas sexually because their sex scene which is shot to be not sexy on purpose clearly, also shows us that when Thomas takes her Ellen thinks and talks about Orlok and wants Thomas to be like Orlok aka kiss her heart. But he can’t. He can’t give her what she wants.
^^^^ YES this aspect is incredibly prominent, and a significant component of the disconnect in Ellen's marriage to Thomas! There's a few intersecting issues there, but they all do come down to the same thing. Ellen isn't satisfied, because Thomas is never willing to actually take her desires and preferences into account when they are together.
It's shown numerous times that, in a sexual context, Ellen wants to be worshipped. She has a dominant and possessive streak, she is extremely sensual, and these elements are essential to her pleasure. They also intersect with her desire to be seen and recognized for who she is, as well to be given the respect she is so consistently denied. These desires are all strongly discouraged - both in her time, and sometimes in ours. As a woman, she is expected to be deferring; and chaste, except for when her husband chooses. Her opinions and complexity are also never really considered; which is not unexpected, of course. Ellen is a Tragic Madwoman - it's Ophelia, all over again. If you recall, when Hamlet appears mad, the people around him assume there is more to it than his father's death; but when Ophelia does, everybody chalks it up to her father's murder, and nothing else. With all that said, what I personally love about Ellen is that, despite whatever shame she might feel around the subject, or her efforts to be proper, she always knows exactly what she wants. In part, that's what makes her married life so tragic - she keeps reaching out to Thomas, offering him these vulnerable aspects of herself, as well as an opportunity to understand her and connect with her; and she is met with one rejection after another. Still, she cannot ignore what she is - and her choosing Orlok in the end is symbolic of her deciding to "deceive" herself no longer.
Thomas, by contrast, is playing mind games with himself. In theory, he could be submissive. If he indulged that potential within himself, it could be a way for them to connect - considering Ellen's inclinations; however, he sees this aspect of himself as weak, emasculating, shameful, and thus never explores it - except by force, as per the usual gothic exploration of shame/desire, which muddles the waters in that regard. Much of the way he treats Ellen is rooted in the patriarchal rules he cannot bring himself to abandon, since doing so threatens his own sense of masculinity - and, by extension, dignity and self-worth. As such, whenever faced with a situation that might prompt him to be soft, emotional, or worshipful of her, he overcorrects instead. He is afraid of Ellen's perceived "abnormality" because of what it might mean for him. Additionally, he is fairly obviously queercoded, in a classic vampire-genre way; which, in my opinion, is yet another reason they just don't quite seem to click. Whatever he might want out of a sexual relationship, he doesn't really want it with Ellen - and, of course, given his homophobic society, that just piles on more shame, emasculation, and repression. This is why, after their one depicted sexual scene, when she laments her "uncleanliness," he cannot reassure her, no matter how he tries. He cannot accept the "abnormal" aspects of her, because the way he sees her is always affected by the way he sees himself - through a lens of misogyny, queerphobia, and horror. His care for her is therefore largely superficial; he does not know her.
All in all, I am obsessed with this aspect of their failmarriage. They're both so lonely and so desperate for companionship; but neither of them is getting what they want. Not with each other.
#nosferatu#nosferatu 2024#nosferatu (2024)#ellen hutter#thomas hutter#count orlok#in a way you could say they're projecting their own desires onto each other#ellen wants someone to want her desperately be possessive and hungry for her. so she acts that way towards thomas and it only scares him#meanwhile thomas wants someone to take care of him. reassure him provide for him dominate him. so he tries to do that for ellen#but all it does is suffocate her#she gets what she wants with orlok but it's also fascinating that in a way so does thomas#at the castle he is fed given money pinned down and claimed roughly#it's a twisted version of his repressed desires. vampires man#nosferatu meta#nosferatu movie
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So I've been seeing (and saw in real time) comments of people saying
--Either that it doesn't make sense that Joke feels so strongly about Jack when they had only briefly met 2 times before the time skip when:
1- …..bro. It was love at first sight. FOR BOTH OF THEM. Are you fucking blind? Didn't you see all the flirting at the bar and after the bar???? Also for all that's sacred What is the fucking non-romantic heterosexual explanation for this?
2- This is more of a character analysis of mine, but I think Jack gave the positive enforcement Joke never got from his family. That created not only a bond between them but also kind of an emotional dependence from Joke. I honestly don't think Joke's feelings for Jack were super healthy at the beginning, especially with how self-destructive for him he is. And that's precisely why, although all those things he does for Jack after the time skip might seem too much if it was anyone else, it's still reasonable for him. He's so guilt-ridden that he fucked Jack over when all that Jack has ever offered was kindness and something Joke never had before, that he needs to overcompensate.
And especially because he's been marinating in guilt for 5 years, with only his thoughts and his self-deprecation as company, and then seeing how things escalated for Jack in a way he never imagined, that he feels the need to fix everything for him. That is the real meaning of the "100 ways to apologize".
-- OR when people say Jack and Joke's love is unbalanced. Like it feels Jack doesn't love Joke as much, that it's too sudden, that it doesn't have romance, yadda yadda.
Let's go back to the bar scene and afterwards. This is episode 1. This is the past. This is the first time they met. They literally left out the girl (poor Rosé I'm so sorry baby you fell for a homosexual) because they were in their own little world. The world they created on that bar when they shared bad experiences and made each other company in their sadness. The world that cheered both of them up in a day of misery. Also for all that's sacred What is the fucking non-romantic heterosexual explanation for this?[x2] (underage Jack is smooth as fuck)
Not even counting the scene at the bank when Jack was so happy to meet Joke again, and then even writing down his number for Joke and saying he'd love to go drinking with him again before he vanished.
Here's another character analysis: Jack is methodical, he doesn't act on impulse, and keeps everything to himself. This, added to the fact we don't often see things under his POV, makes him a bit hard to read.
Alright but damn, no one is caught daydreaming about the face/lips/closeness of someone they're not attracted to lmfjhsfd please. This is episode 4, c'mon.
There's also this (ep 6)
and this (ep 7)
(both of which I also made an analysis of from Jack's side in this post)
and this (ep 8)
So do you really think he just pulled everything that he did that night when they get together out of his ass instead of, after him and Joke reconcile, having actively nurtured this feeling THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE???? Damn, right when they met again Jack kept Joke from signing a loan contract with Boss because he knew it would be a point of no return. Because despite all the rage and bitterness, even then he still cared about Joke and didn't want that life for him.
Jack and Joke are opposites. Joke wears his heart on his sleeve while Jack has the necessity of hiding away anything that can be a weakness. It's all in between the lines for him. But that doesn't mean the feelings are not there. It's called nuance.
Also, shit, the mutual pining is so obvious idk these people might've watched it with their eyes closed or something. like?? Things start to get messy in Jack's life mostly because Joke came with his chaotic energy trying to make things right for Jack - and if Jack didn't, little by little, allow him to, Joke would've never succeed on being by his side. Jack starts losing control of things, of himself, because he's always being pulled by Joke, gravitating towards him, and he lets it happen because he wants it. Subconsciously or not.
Anyway Jack and Joke love each other and had always loved each other, period.
#jack & joker#jack and joker: u steal my heart#jack & joker: u steal my heart!#jack and joker#jack & joker the series#jackjoker#waryin#yinwar#jack and joker u steal my heart#jack and joker the series#jackjoke#yin anan#war wanarat#jack & joker spoilers#thai bl#text#series#mine#more j&j yapping#apologies for the rant i got slightly mad as pictured#no jackjoke slander in this house#they match each other's freaks as god intended
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An aspect of the Theraprism plot element that I think is really important is that, as readers, I fully believe that we are meant to be uncomfortable with it.
It's fitting for Bill to end up in an environment where he is trapped and unable to exert power over others, and the fact that he describes the Theraprism specifically as "overmedicated" is a full-circle moment IMO. As a child, his bodily autonomy was disrespected through the medical abuse he was subject to, and when he became an adult, he abused others through violation of their own bodily autonomy (see: the entire section of the lost Journal 3 pages concerning the possession battle). Bill isn't unpersoned by the narrative -- the book makes clear that he has feelings, no matter how much he denies them -- but the Theraprism unpersons him. In a literal sense, it *will* unperson him by transforming him into a being that lacks higher consciousness. The Theraprism brands itself as an institution that operates on the principle of restorative justice but is in fact fundamentally punitive.
From the angle that Bill needs to face the consequences of his actions, it's perfect. He might not recognize the suffering of others -- he might not even acknowledge his own suffering -- but he will be forced to feel his own suffering either way.
But from the angle that Gravity Falls is a show about healing from the past and moving toward a future with those who love you, Bill's situation is an utter nightmare for someone like him. You can't argue that he isn't a tragic villain at this point because it is so clear by now that he is trapped by the past, both in terms of the flashbacks he is stated to experience and in the way that the Theraprism is a punishment for his past actions. And the Theraprism, when it comes down to it, is not meant to accomodate someone like Bill.
The Theraprism's goal is not to rehabilitate Bill, but to keep him there alone forever. His recommended treatment is "infinite karmic rehabilitation". That's not atonement, it's a plain and simple sentence to life in prison.
I think that tension is very intentional.
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#does this all make sense. i feel strongly about it.#i would have gone in more depth but i'm writing this on my lunch break so. alas#my meta#changed the last bit because unless hirsch himself descends upon my post like a pack of wild bees and responds 'TRUE!'#i can't really make any holistic claims about intentionality. but there are too many parallels for certain aspects to be accidental imo.
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why does the pjo series have to unnecessarily villainize goddesses (hera & athena) or show them as silly ladies (aphrodite & demeter) BUT posiedon and apollo are somehow shown as the coolest/most likeable gods, even though arguably, they're right after zeus on terms of corruption?
ares shown as the worst god after zeus and hera amuses me. last time i checked, he was the patron god of amazons and literally killed a man for attempting to rape his daughter but guess who cursed women for rejection? apollo. guess who raped women when they said no (aside from zeus)? posiedon.
#all the gods and goddesses in the greek mythology are flawed in their own way#it doesn't make sense why the books were so unnecessarily biased towards certain gods?#it bothers me specifically that hera and athena are SO unnecessarily painted as villains#while posiedon is ‘cool’ dad ‘great’ lover ‘decent’ god ‘reasonable’ than other olympians#i get it he's the main character's father of a children's fantasy novel so rick painted him in a good light#but my man? then why are you painting other gods who are arguably just as bad as him as WORSE#shut up i feel strongly about it#i love the percy jackson series#but i hate how the gods are portrayed#is trials of apollo a good series? yes#does it make sense why he's shown as a human-like god with redemption arc#while hera is reduced to ‘evil stepmom’ and ‘bitch to annabeth’ even if apollo is JUST as bad as her?#no#and aphrodite is not some ‘silly fangirl’ whose personality revolves around shipping percabeth#she is powerful terrifying and cunning who can bestow some of worst revenge on those who offend her#demeter is not a silly crop goddess#her love for her daughter was so strong it almost ended the world and destroyed mankind#shes in charge of harvest and agriculture without her humanity will starve to death#shes just as powerful as the big-3 or at least she should be#posiedon is not this cool perfect rational god#medusa would disagree demeter would disagree pasiphae would disagree odysseus would disagree#apollo cursed women posiedon raped yet ares killed a rapist BUT nooo let's make ares the bad one#percy jackson#rr crit#greek mythology#heroes of olympus#trials of apollo
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Why I think c!Dream is Autistic - Part 3
[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3]
Alright, you’re gonna want to probably go read part 1 and 2 first, promise they aren’t too long.
Done? Long time no see buddy. :) Good deal. Now finally, the last reason(s) I think Dream is autistic is because of how it fits narratively.
Who better to frame as the villain than someone who is already on the outside, who is already different, weird, a little off, not like everyone else, obsessive, abrasive, and already setting off subconscious red flags of not fitting the norm. There’s a quote that most have probably heard by Andrew Smith that says, “People fear what they don't understand and hate what they can't conquer.” And does that not say it all? Talk about history repeating itself, real history. This truth is the basis of many real wars. And if communicating and thinking differently weren’t enough to garner dislike, sucess and intelligence are another foundation of hate and as I said in part 1, while not true across the board, high IQ is one way they identify people with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). So who better to frame as the villain than an autistic admin infamous for being one of the best Minecraft players.
Of course, I hear you ask - couldn’t you make the same argument for sociopaths/people with ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder) are they not also different than most people to garner inherent fear? The answer is: No, not really. Contrary to popular belief, people with ASPD are not the odd balls out but are more likely to be popular and well liked as they lie and manipulate others to get what they want. In other words, there is a more calculated persona/masking in both ASD and ASPD, but while ASD is just trying to fit in, people with ASPD often have an inherent entitlement to the things they want and are trying to gain power and stand above the crowd not in it. In addition, autistic people tend to be honest, to the point of inappropriate or rude because they are straight forward. In the dsmp, Dream’s default isn’t to lie in fact he tells a lot of truth before often being forced to change his answer [clip]. Unlike people with ASPD who lie because they enjoy the power it gives them and to get what they want.
There is of course empathy to be considered when comparing ASD and ASPD as perhaps the main difference between the two and I think there is a lot of evidence that Dream does have empathy. In fact, I think his moral compass is originally one of the strongest before the dsmp slowly wore away the edges. He returns items after wars, fixes creeper holes and destroyed property, helps people mine or gather materials, fights for the side of who was wronged first, constantly gives out food to feed people… etc. He does a lot of caring things he doesn’t have too. That give him no real advantage, but often even end up putting him in a sticky situation. I mean what better example do we need to prove he has empathy than him rebuilding Tubbo’s house [post]. There was no reason or manipulation or obligation to do that, he did it because he saw that Tubbo was upset. I mean I’ve said it before that we can’t truly prove whether someone does or doesn’t has empathy, but we can look at behavior and I’d argue that his less empathetic acts come much later on his arc and are not consistent across the board like they would be if he truly were a sociopath. Leaving us with the most obvious conclusion then that his logical mind that makes him look like he’s unempathetic and his masking must be because he’s autistic instead, which again aligns well with his high intelligence and obsessive development of skill.
Finally, and perhaps most notably, while a lot of times masking is associated with ADHD it is much more notable and important for an autistic person. Because we are not masking just to cover up our stimming or hyperactivity we are putting on a different face to blend in and be accepted and loved. We are shifting the very parts of ourselves to fit in a circle shaped hole when we’re squares. Which is a skill and habit I don’t find it hard to believe that Dream would use for his villain persona, especially since our (my) masks tend to change too based on environment, whether needing to fit into the family dynamic, student culture or professional world where the social rules change. Which is exactly what we see from Dream as his mask changes depending on who he’s with whether that be Tommy, a large audience, Wilbur, his friends, The Warden, Quackity, Badboyhalo, Techno… etc.
In other words, how fitting would it be if a character with the disorder infamous for masking had a literal mask. One that he literally had to take off to discover who he was all along. What better example of the dsmp main theme of seeing things from other peoples point of view to gain understanding, than the extreme case of that. What better picture of communication issues than a disorder infamous for social struggle. Like not only does it fit so very well with Dream’s character, not only does it make sense with the symbolism of his mask, and the narrative, but it fits the overall arching dsmp story too, because by being autistic Dream is kind of like the ultimate version of the theme and for him to be a main front runner of the story just truly drives the point home in a beautiful and important manner.
#Hope it makes sense and that my points came across like I said I’ve been pretty nervous about this but I feel pretty strongly on this#not as a head canon but as object fact because in so many ways it makes sense#dreblr#c!dream#dream smp#autistic c!dream#I don’t think it’s just me projecting but something that fit the story so very well… it makes a lot of his actions and the actions of other#finally make sense while also being a beautiful example of how we need to consider not just each others pov and motivations but ways of#thinking. too often he assume we get it and we don’t and the moment we start to hear eachother out and assume others have good intentions#the better and stronger our relationships can be…#dsmp#dsmpblr#no one does it like c!dream#did someone order an essay?#you did and I hope you read and it met your expectations:) <3#autism#dsmp headcanon#and not to being real work into it but ccdream did say in an interview that he’s probably autistic and since he was a method actor it would#make all the more sense for his c to be as well… after all how can be create a character who thinks a different way?…#And if Dream is autistic damn what kinda of picture does that paint of the rest of the server… just saying… ;)
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I've been thinking and thinking. Call me a researcher or just a stranger. And something's been gnawing on my mind.
I didn't know Herobrines could reproduce let alone be female. There's an overabundance in males and females are a rarity from my observation. That is such an odd thing. Not to mention that Herobrines don't really- reproduce. Of course with exceptions, but the cases I know do it rather traditionally.
Your mother- (likely a brine all the same - as you describe yourself one too) Your mother produced children by spreading spores of some kind. Some parts of herself I guess. A power to mend into the elements and create another living being in such a way is baffling.
To get to the point and my actual question.
I've been pondering- spreading Herobrine offspring on such a wide scale (as you mentioned you had plenty of siblings) and seemingly not weakening herself if she could do that en mass. Maybe it's less of making more Brines from herself but something more akin to Brine-Spawns. (like vampire-spawns- a weaker kind of vampire sprung from a true one)
With that odd thought- you are the child of a Herobrine, but not a full brine yourself? Do you think that is kinda true?
Brines are such a rarity, your mother releasing tousands of offspring into the world and them being true Brines seems a little unreasonable.
Of course I may be mistaken as every elusive indivitual of a brine works different than the next. Maybe you and your "species" aren't actual brines by many a definition from each their own flaws.
Ah..... I've been talking a lot. What do you think about this whole- thing? Maybe you know more than I do. Probably.
#whoever you are this ask makes my day thanks for being a champ and i hope my answer does it justice!!#mcss#mcaskblog#herobrine#steven#sigma#lore#somewhat ooc?#SORRY FOR NERDING OUT THIS POST PROBABLY MAKES LITTLE SENSE BUT I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS THING#basically I have crazy imagination and i thought of all this lore that i didnt use because it's a little too... nonsensical#also the scope got way too big#and im not that invested to the story to dedicate my time and make a shonen comic outta it#plus Mother is a triggering character and i dont want this blog to get too depressing#so theres a lot of lore setups but no payoffs IM SO SORRY#but i think blog's already p lore biology heavy as it is so this is all yalls gonna get#before it gets even more confusing#Steven is an alien's kid!! congrats!! :D
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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰
#yttd#shin tsukimi#like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy#in the good ways and the bad ways#cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly#it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like#it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it#you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it#and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here#and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense#but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics#and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself#god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts#and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same#and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid#im so glad this character exists man
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parker yang malevolent and matt woe.begone are the same, in a way.
they're doomed to die before the story has even started. their existence (and their loss) impacts the protagonists to the point that both are, arguably, the catalyst for the events of both narratives.
we talk about how the main characters never stood a chance and forget about why!!! because it isn't about arthur or mike!!! the story happens because they lost people they cared about.
matt's death was a freak accident, and it doesn't even matter that matt is alive, now. he was dead and it wasn't mike's fault but then he saved him and now he has to keep saving him!!! he can't lose him again!!!) matt slid the gun across the table to mike and he kept existing even when base disappeared and it's danger all the way down but he keeps getting involved despite it all.
and parker's was, of course, far more intentional, but (situation with john aside) arthur is arguably still chasing a way to rid himself of that guilt/responsibility. he could've given up and gone to prison for the rest of his life but he trusted parker's killer instead. (maybe in the hopes that things could be fixed, eventually.)
it's sacrifice whether or not it was ever meant to be. it's parker and matt being sheep to the slaughter, whether by being resolved to the result of their partner's impulsive actions or by seeing everything they know about the world change and accepting death to keep them alive.
arthur and mike have always done everything they can to right their wrongs, even when their friend has been dead for months now or was maybe never dead at all. parker and matt are the same and arthur and mike's stories will always start with their end!!!
#malevolent#woe.begone#does this even make SENSE i just feel so strongly about the matt parker parallels. in my heart or whatever#theres a LOT of further thoughts i have about. what this means for the narratives. but ofc it'd all be just incredibly chaotic theories#just... w.bg and malevolent are about trying to fix your mistakes and trusting another that killed you andddddd. yeah i'm unwell about this#malevblogging#wbgblogging#w.bg
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“You keep my old scarf from that very first week, cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me. You can’t get rid of it, cause you remember it all too well” 🤝 “I keep finding his things in drawers, crucial evidence I didn’t imagine the whole thing”
something about the way both these songs use a lover’s personal belongings as a means of trying to grasp on to positive memories of a relationship that’s ended, and how both parties involved need these belongings in order to reassure themselves that what happened was real and genuine at all…. almost like that’s the entire point of the muse in all too well keeping ahold of her scarf in the first place, and why she wants him to do so, even though she knows exactly where it is and could go get it anytime
#angel.txt#anyways people who joke abt atw muse needing to give the scarf back are missing the point!!#if he gives her the scarf back it means he’s denying the entire truth of the song and the relationship#and he’d basically be saying that she’s insane for feeling this strongly at all#the fact that he keeps it—and that she KNOWS he keeps it—means they’re on the same page#him keeping the scarf is him saying ‘yes’ to her asking if the love affair maimed him too#wild how so many ppl joke abt him giving the scarf back. as if if that wouldn’t undermine the entire purpose and point of the song#all too well#i can do it with a broken heart#all of this is why the virginity interpretation of the scarf also doesn’t make sense either#like she does not care one lick about the scarf at All gskdhd it’s literally just a narative tool to prove he has Feelings™️#‘you can’t get rid of it cause you remember it all too well’ is supposed to be as smug and self-assured as all of ibytam#him keeping her scarf means SHE has the power here and is being entirely truthful in her recounting#like none of this speaks to a theme of loss of virginity/innocence in the way people interpret it to be and ESPECIALLY not like wcs#she wants her girlhood back but she wants the scarf to stay where it is. these two are not the same#textposts#analysis
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greetings. i have a Pronouns Question: you have it/whatever in your bio. Is it/its what you'd prefer to be mainly used, or do you like all pronouns with a slightly higher proportion of it/its, or? what's the pronoun situation here?
Salutations! I have a Pronouns Answer. It's whatever. You can use any and all pronouns to refer to me, whatever you feel like using. I'm more of a no pronouns person, but I know that can be inconvenient grammatically to do and since I don't feel a connection to any pronouns, I don't mind what you use, so take your pick.
If you want to pick one and only use that, that's fine. If you want to use every conceivable pronoun under the sun at the same time, that's also fine. Somewhere in between? Also fine. Do what you like! Outsourcing it to others to choose feels similar enough to me to having none that I'm comfortable with it, at least for the time being
I have specifically highlighted it/its because I do have more of a fondness for those than others, but it's not too strong of a preference. I'm just as comfortable as a he or a xe or a fae or something else as with it/its. And it is fun to have a mix, so don't feel like you have to use it just because I'm more fond of it/its.
If we're getting more specific, she/her is my most meh, as I always wonder if people are misunderstanding my identity when using them--though that feeling may improve with time. So I avoid those in real life socially, but on here? For people like my mutuals and who understand more about my gender? Go for it! They are still 100% on the table and can be used--better if used in tandem with others because then I know you know more about my identity and aren't putting me in a box, but at the end of the day? They're pronouns for other people to use and not my problem. I use I/me, people who need to refer to me can sort out how they want to refer to me for themself and I don't mind what they pick.
That's a long way of saying i like it/its, but I don't feel a true connection to any particular pronoun or the idea of pronouns in general, but since no pronouns can be inconvenient you may refer to me however you wish :)
#pronouns#quil's queries#fintan-pyren#thank you for asking I appreciate the opportunity to explain#also to preface: I know if I feel strongly about it I am entirely within my right and deserve to have people refer to me without pronouns#i just don't feel strongly enough about it#at least not right now#perhaps at a later date I'll switch to no pronouns#but for now? you're the ones who need to refer to me so you can pick#and being referred to in a variety of ways feels similar to that tetherless feeling of having no pronouns (to me)#so its reaffirming and I don't mind it#like you could use anything and it won't make a difference because there is no one pronoun or set of pronouns for me#does this make sense?#i hope it does but I can explain more#the pronoun situation is do whatever you what I don't care :)#you cannot gender me in a way that matters and all that#i'm overexplaining it but like. it makes sense in my head
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One issue I have is there's a whole lot of things where it's like "I'm actually nearly on your side, I'm very sympathetic to this, I just need one or two issues addressed and then I'd be with you on this... you just have to kinda... walk me through how this thing that feels like a kinda big problem isn't a problem"
And pretty much always it's just kinda like "oh, well it's not a problem, so don't worry about it"
...mhh... yeah... but I need some actual proof. I want to trust you, but I need something that actually deals with it, not to just basically be told to have faith... I have no faith, I'm a faithless person
And it's such a shame cause... instead of being able to work along side people I tend to hover off to the side trying to support it in my own small ineffective ways cause... I just have serious issues no one's ever bothered to address
Just sucks, you know?
#sorry; just can't get behind dogmatic stuff#there's people where it's like frankly I'd like to believe every word you say and just blindly agree with you because I like you very much#but... I can't#...I can't cause it sure seems like if we do things your way people will get hurt#and... you're... kinda... just... you know... pointing at tumblr posts and saying you think you heard this or that#ok; but... could we like... do research together and try and come as close to the objective truth as possible?#and then try and build our thoughts on how to support the best possible world based on the best information we can get?#I want to just follow blindly but... I can't#and I'm thinking of one thing right now; one particular thing; but I'm pretty sure there's a lot of others I could point to#and listen; I'm not saying I'm right or I'm smart#but if you ask I can at least draw you a line from point a to point z and walk you through why I think what I think#like I can tell you why I support Ukraine so strongly; I can point to patterns of behavior by russia#if you have the stomach for it I can walk you through war crimes; I can show why I don't think giving up land is acceptable#(the war crimes are relevant to why I don't think it's acceptable to ask Ukraine to give up territory... there's people living there)#it might take some time; a day or so maybe; but if you asked me a specific thing I would work to track you down a source on my opinion#like you don't have to take my word about the damn that russia blew; I can prove that happened#and then I can lay out why I find anything but that russia did it to not make a lick of sense#but... why on earth would I bother with all that; no one ever listens#last time I tried to explain to someone that they were mistaken about 80% of US currency being printed in the last 4 years#or... whatever total bullshit claim it was#I tracked down the source of the claim (said to myself this source reeks like shit)#I figured out what they were fudging to claim it; then I tracked that down and figured out what it actually said#(they changed how they account for US currency in foreign hands or something like that to try and account for it better)#(it's a change in how we tabulate things; the exact same amount of money exists; we just count it different)#(and so on the chart you have this jump... but it's a jump of a measurement not existing before and now it does)#(or something like that... no one listened last time I looked it up; why the fuck would I look it up for this)#and this is someone I'm friendly with and they couldn't even be bothered to say 'huh; I'm not convinced but thanks'#or whatever; you know; main point is they couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge it#do you know why I feel like I'm invisible? like I probably don't actually exist?#why if I were less in touch with reality I'd think the government swats messages of mine down so people can't respond?
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Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi
Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.
Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.
The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):
The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.
In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)
Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.
I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.
The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.
The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)
Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.
Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.
To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#laios touden#shuro#toshiro nakamoto#the winged lion#autistic#autism#clay writes#i GUESS#this was so spur of the moment. im so busy right now i dont have time to be analysing laios touden#i wuont angry autistic rep..
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There’s something I love love loveeee about Laios and how badly he wants to be cool.
Let me preface with this: in general, I believe the harder you try to be cool, the less cool you actually are. The less you care what people think about you, if you’re “cringe” or “weird”, the more likely people will perceive you as confident and self-assured.
There are countless pieces of media where characters try to fit in with some group, change every part of themself to look/act like what they’re “supposed” to be, and end up miserable, often realizing the people they’re trying to impress aren’t worth the trouble.
I’ve experienced this in my own life too! Sometimes when I go out I wear a rainbow propeller cap! Cause I think it’s funny and silly and!! I ALWAYS get compliments!! I don’t wear it to be cool, I wear it because it makes me happy. And people overall have a positive reaction to it. it’s a huge contrast to when I was teenager and didn’t really put as much of myself into my appearance/wardrobe, and barely left any kind of impression on people.
So anyway, let’s get into it.
Laios… he’s been hurt so badly by people. He resented humanity for it. And yet, he still yearns for the approval of others. He wants FRIENDS!!!! and was angry and frustrated to learn his perception of his relationship with Shuro was so drastically different than Shuro’s!!!!
He KNEW that people were put-off by his love of monsters. Up until Falin got eaten, he deliberately suppressed how much he talked about it with others. He probably thought by not talking about monsters so much, it was working!! He was doing all the Right Things now! So Shuro confessing he always hated him was a huge blow.
But the reality is, he loves monsters. And most importantly, he loves cool monsters. He fantasizes about what would make the Ultimate Monster.
He feels very strongly about what he considers “cool” as well. He finds all aspects of monsters fascinating, but can still be HORRIBLY underwhelmed when they look too lame for his tastes.
He knows most people don’t feel the same way he does. He knows his “cool” is everyone else’s “weird”. It’s so tragically sweet how he latches onto Kabru the moment he shows interest in monsters, and takes every opportunity to infodump about them to him.
He wants people to find monsters as cool as he does!! But, he also wants people to think he’s as cool as he finds monsters.
Like!!! djkfghadkfjg IT DOESN'T EVEN BOTHER HIM WHEN PEOPLE HAVE A WRONG IMPRESSION OF HIM! He's FLATTERED by it. It's almost like, at this point, it doesn't matter to him if people don't like him. People can not like him and still think he's cool.
And my favorite thing is, it works. Laios IS cool as fuck. You KNOW he thought he looked so badass when he did this and he was RIGHT:
And yet, this is him trying very hard to look cool. But it's Laios's version of cool. It's almost contradictory, in that sense. Cause he knows people still don't get it. Like. He wants to be cool. He doesn't care about the "normal" ways to be cool. He thinks his cringe thing is cool. He does his cringe thing, that people very much do still think is cringe. So you would think that, since he wants people to think he's cool, he would not do the cringe thing. But he wore the pelt because he thought it was cool. And people clapped and cheered for him anyway.
is what he's doing really so different than this? ^
YAYYYYY WOOO GO LAIOS YOURE SO COOL!!!!!!!
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#long post#photos#laios touden#I LIKE HIM A LOT!!!!!! HES SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER!!!!!
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who in the twst cast lets you put a ribbon on it. (Diasomnia, Rollo, Crewel)
NSFW, MDNI, gn! reader <3
(Heartslabyul, Savannaclaw Vers.) (Pomefiore, Ignihyde Vers.) (Octavinelle, Scarabia Vers.)
Diasomnia
Malleus Draconia
Of course he lets you put a ribbon on it. He would raze down entire kingdoms for you. A ribbon is nothing . The moment you mention it, ribbons appear out of thin air, dancing around you in a flurry of the finest silks procured from all across Twisted Wonderland. Whether you prefer a more simple ribbon, or one decorated with gold and jewels, he will offer you all that your imagination could dream of and more. Every single option you choose will be laid on a display with care, and he’ll be surprisingly reverent in doing so.
Genuinely treats this as an act of courtship and treasures the act of you tying the ribbon around your cock with such delicacy and tenderness. Every brush against his skin sends a heightened sense of pleasure through his body- more so than usual. The slipperiness of the silk is simply divine against his skin, but frankly, your touch is what brings him over the edge.
Silver
Oh? He’s never really hard about putting ribbons on one’s cock, but he doesn't feel super strongly about it either way when you mention it. He does have experience making flower crowns, though, so if you want to do a styled pattern on the ribbon or want to do a particular type of knot, he’ll do his best to help! The skin of his cock does tend to be sensitive, so take care not to use a bow made of polyester; otherwise, he’ll be overstimulated and not in the fun way :(
He may or may not fall asleep with the ribbon on. It just feels so soft and nice against his skin…as aroused as he is, the caress of the fabric lulls him to the waiting arms of sleep. However, if you took precautions and worked him up a fair bit beforehand, he enjoys the added sensation of the ribbon combined with your own hand <33 Slightly tightening the bow while he’s temporarily dazed works wonders- the sudden constriction jolts him awake and makes him want to chase this pleasure until he’s spent.
Sebek Zigvolt
He’s so bewildered when you mention it to him. It reminds him of the tales Lilia told him, where royalty and maidens alike would grant knights their favor with a ribbon or handkerchief…hearing of a similar tradition in a sexual context makes him incredibly flustered. He will ask if this is an odd human courting ritual of yours. (He’s disappointed when you say it isn’t . Just a little .)
Put in so much time searching for a ribbon after you mention it tbh. It’s special to him, even if you had only brought it up as a passing interest. Of course he’s going to find one that’s made with enchanted silk, one that’s been created by nothing but one of the best. (He may ask Lilia for help in this area, as the older fae is likely to have expertise in fabrics and whatnot). When it’s actually tied around him, he feels as if his soul is going to leave his body. The soft, act of possession as you tie a ribbon around his cock make him incredibly weak, and he’s practically putty under your hands for the rest of the night <3
Lilia Vanrouge
Oh he’s having fun. He has plenty of ribbons from when he was experimenting with different fashion styles, so you’ll have a fair share to choose from!! From ribbons with frayed edges to ones with fine embroidery, the only issue you might find is having to untangle them all and pick out which one you like best ^^; He even offers a few suggestions that are more in-depth than you’d expect…
If you can’t choose one, he offers that you try multiple in one night (or even in one round!). Why not try all that you can in order to experience this kink to the fullest? I don’t think he has a particular preference for any particular fabric, although he does seem to gravitate towards ribbons that have more lace and textures to them! Will most definitely bring it up again whenever the craving strikes, and will have absolutely no shame in asking if he could do the same to you <3
Misc.
Rollo Flamme
Oh. Oh dear. He becomes incredibly fond of the thought even as he vehemently scolds you for having such perverted thoughts about him. He already carries around a handkerchief with your signature scent on it, of course he would want you to claim him properly as well. Despite this, he can’t help but feel flustered and ashamed. To do something so lewd in such a loving manner…he can’t contain how incredibly horny that makes him.
He’ll spend time with you picking out a ribbon, though he already has one in mind. One of classic silk with a bit of a lace trim- there’s simply no other ribbon that could do. When you finally tie it around his cock, it takes all of his might to not cum on the spot. The sheer intimacy of the moment overwhelms him, and he can’t help but want to have your touch engulf him wholly as he succumbs to your desires.
Divus Crewel
You want to tie a ribbon around him? You better understand what a commitment that is, pup. He typically prefers to dom in the bedroom, and you wanting to collar him (in a sense) is quite the intimate proposition. If you ask this of him, he takes it all rather seriously. Taking you to specialty boutiques to pick out a ribbon that would symbolize your bond best, to lending you a book detailing different types of bows and styles one can decorate their lover’s cock with.
He’s patient throughout the whole ordeal, watching your every move with bated breath. Every single loop the ribbon makes around his cock, every knot you make…he engraves every movement in his mind as he feels pre-cum drip over the edges of the luxurious fabric…He will pay back the pleasure that you will draw from him tenfold <3
a/n: Thank you for reading the final installment of my "who in the twst cast lets you put a bow on it" series! If you have any ideas you want me to elaborate on, feel free to stop in my inbox <3
#moth.flutters#twst x reader#nsfvv#malleus draconia x reader#silver x reader#sebek zigvolt x reader#lilia vanrouge x reader#twisted wonderland x reader#twst smut#rollo flamme x reader#divus crewel x reader
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pick a pile - what does your fs love about you?
hi dear reader! let's see what your future romantic partner loves about you. pls remember that this is a general reading so not everything will apply to everyone! breathe slowly, take your time and use your intuition to go with the pile that speaks to you the most. take what resonates, and leave what doesn't. 𓆩♡𓆪
➳❥ pile 1
your fs loves the way you balance these two sides within you; the fun-loving and joyful side, and responsible and reliable side. i feel strong sagittarius or aquarius energy in terms of your ability to detach from others and just live in your own world, according to your own terms, but also carrying a sense of responsibility within you, especially concerning your work or finances. it's very much giving “yes i work my ass off, not for anyone else, but for my own satisfaction” there might be some earth influence giving you this sense of groundedness when it comes to the things you deem as important for your own life. you just know what you want for yourself.
your fs will definitely love the way you can switch into focus and work-mode when you need to. they themselves might be a bit of a work-horse, someone who can often bury themselves in work. they feel like you're such an interesting person though, and might wonder how you manage to be so multi-facetted, because i do believe you're good at keeping your work-life balance in check, probably better than them.
i feel like they might have a more conservative approach or more traditional belief-system in place, that you have the potential to make them question. you seem to be someone with more of a progressive mindset in life, and your fs is likely to feel quite intrigued by that.
one major thing that keeps coming through for me, is how they love the thought of being the one who can break down your potential walls. although you can have your outgoing moments, some people might think they're closer to you than they actually are. you give off such an independent vibe, you're just not someone who's overly concerned over being romantically involved or surrounded by people all the time, and might moreso enjoy having your own freedom.
i feel like this person is someone who's gonna be very consistent in their efforts to get to you, because they're aware of what a special and unique person you are. they just feel like they wouldn't be able to find anyone like you again, so they're absolutely willing to chase you if it means receiving your approval and your love as a reward in the end.
you just give me this vibe of someone who enjoys letting someone chase you for a little; you just need to feel someone's sincerity and genuine interest, and might feel like patience and consistency is a way for them to prove it.
your fs might've thought about marrying you very early on, they might've fantasised about it quite quickly after meeting you. you either might be oblivious to this, as they're giving strong “friends” vibes here, or you're yet to meet them; i do believe it's likely for you to meet them through your friends or acquaintances though, maybe even during a party. i think you might not see this connection as romantic at all for a good while, while again, this person could already be thinking about you as marriage material. some of you might even meet this person either online, or overseas. they might be a foreigner. there's a clear difference in views, culture, belief systems.
a cute aspect; some of you might communicate in a unique manner first. even if you do not speak each other's languages, somehow there'll still be this natural and effortless understanding between the both of you. your differences are more likely to attract each other, rather than repulse you.
your fs will love how you aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe in, and how you're the type to defend your stance till the very end. you might even be quite stubborn in some areas you feel strongly about; however, i can feel your fs genuinely liking that about you. you're just not someone who'll be all available and open to everyone out there, and you have your very own strong values and principles in life that you've built over time, and would not back down from for anyone. your fs might've seen you in that defensive and argumentative mode a few times, maybe even experienced it first hand, but it made their attraction for you so much stronger. almost all cliché-like, confirming for them that “this is the person i want to be with.” there's this strong sense of them fantasizing, and feeling like it'd be an actual accomplishment to be with you in the end.
i do feel like you're likely to have the upper hand in this relationship. i don't think your fs is someone overly submissive character-wise, but it's almost like you bring that side out of them naturally. they're willing to cater to you, sincerely wanting to listen to your opinions on things and moreso follow your word, just because they're so infatuated.
it's also likely for them to for example, go on trips with you, although they usually aren't someone who likes travelling; but you manage to bring out a different side in them and expose them to things they're not too familiar with, and vice versa!
i feel like some of your fs' might be younger than you, or just in general more of an emotionally immature type (they might have strong aries or pisces placements, there's some delusional and childlike energy here) and your maturity has potential to draw them to you in a major way.
they just admire how, even though you can definitely have your moments of “oh you will not let me shut up about this!” in the end you don't let things actually get to you that much, and have built thick and immune skin after going through your fair share of challenges and obstacles in life.
i do believe that this relationship has the potential to bring out your more dreamy and youthful side out as well; this might be a factor in which you two balance each other beautifully. like they allow you to look at things in a more idealized manner, help you not to always take things too seriously, whereas you might bring them down to the ground a little more when needed and give them a reality check.
oh let me tell you pile 1, your fs will be so genuinely in love with you, and i can see their infatuation lasting for a good while. they'll feel butterflies at every sight of you, and feel like the world is beautiful again because they get to be with you.
potential messages from your fs for you
“i'm sorry i put my career before you. i'm willing to put in the time & effort now because i don't want to lose you.”
“i'm used to getting my way, but you put me in my place.”
“it was easier to lie than to tell you the truth. i wish i could take it all back.”
➳❥ pile 2
this pile gives me the strongest introvert vibes. i feel like you're also the pile, who's the hardest on yourself. the immediate message i got, which is incredibly sweet, is that your fs will love everything that you don't like about yourself. i heard one direction's “you don't know you're beautiful, and that's what makes you beautiful” in my head. you guys seem to be people who can prefer to just stay in your own little bubble, and live in your mind moreso than the outside world; your fs will take notice of that. i'm getting a lot of “i wonder what they're truly like..” there's this strong feeling of wanting to know you on a deeper level.
i get the feeling this pile is actually genuinely radiant in many eays, and has this strong presence and aura to them, which others take note of, but you yourself might still be unaware of and oblivious to. i don't think you've fully tapped into your potential and confidence just yet. you might even have some suitors who aren't outspoken about how they feel towards you, just because you can give off a more unapproachable vibe. your fs is quite likely to be included here.
they admire the way you're so adamant on just focusing on what needs to get done, concentrating on self-improvement and always striving to be the best version of yourself. they love how you're so perfectionistic, never really feeling fully satisfied, and continuously striving to reach higher levels.
also random, but i feel like some of you guys might have gorgeous and beautifully lucious hair, and some of your fs' might agree with me on that. i keep getting this feeling that they're just admiring you and gushing about you without you even knowing.
i have to say though, you two have the potential to have extremely interesting and deep conversations. i feel like you're the type of person who doesn't really enjoy speaking up a lot, i'm definitely sensing some trust issues, but once you actually get asked or approached by someone you feel like you can trust, you might have the tendency to overshare or trauma dump. i can just see your fs loving to listen to what you have to say, and although it's likely to be majorly consisting of very sincere stories, they'd even be ready to listen to you talk about.. actual nonsense, all day long. they just love seeing you light up and talk from your heart's content.
your fs will love how you aren't shy to be open about the things you've been through once you actually feel comfortable talking about them with someone. it's just part of who you are. like they'll just feel so eager to truly understand you as a person. not just your present, but especially your past and your history; how you came to be the way you are, your past struggles that had a profound impact on you.
life was hard on you, pile 2.. some of you might've had a childhood where you had to grow up faster than others, perhaps you were in a very competitive space or environment early on, or had to face a lot of external influences that threatened you in a way. others might've dealt with a lot of academic pressures, and had to prove themselves very early in life, so much so that you don't know much outside of doing your 200% best all the time. perhaps you grew up with a lot of siblings and had to be the mature one out of them, or your parents were incredibly strict.
either way, your fs will admire your sense of inner maturity and be in awe of how much you've been through for your age. you could be someone who's younger, but has a deep and wise soul, and this is something that's gonna be intriguing them in a major way. like pile 2! 🥹 all i keep sensing is them just wanting.. to genuinely hear what you have to say. they really want you to speak to them, so badly, and they're absolutely willing to listen to you for ages, if only they could.
this is one of the piles, who i feel like might have the deepest and most emotional bonds out of the three. you two just give me this vibe of, bonding over potential shared traumas or past experiences which have shaped you both in a significant manner. there's this major feeling of laying your soul bare, making yourself vulnerable in your most “unattractive” ways, but feeling accepted for it by the other party. i believe this pile might have this surprising and almost overwhelming experience of “wow, somebody.. actually sincerely loves me for everything i am, including my wounds and scars i thought were the most unlovable things about me” it might be an unusual but beautiful feeling you truly deserve.
you guys are so so extremely hard on yourselves, and your fs seems very empathetic, and has the potential to make you feel accepted and unconditionally loved, regardless of your flaws and faults. which i believe, is one of the most beautiful things about intimate relationships. rooting for you, dearly! <3
potential messages from your fs for you
“i was hiding my true feelings from you because i was scared of commitment and i didn't want to lose my freedom.”
“i couldn't give to you like i wanted because i'm still healing from my past.”
➳❥ pile 3
so to start, this pile was a little confusing to me, the energies were all over the place; maybe some of your lives are at a chaotic place right now as well.. bare with me while i try my best to explain. excuse the mess 🥹
this pile is po-wer-ful, to say the least. what's coming through right away, you guys know how to make the best out of situations. i feel like some people who chose this pile might know or might've already been with their fs, doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic connection, but there might've been some sort of emotional involvement. if not on your side, perhaps moreso on theirs. (like you were kinda meh whatever towards them, while they genuinely liked you) strong likelihood for them to be a past acquaintance or friend of yours, perhaps a past fling. nevertheless, your fs is noticing how you're the type of person who took whatever situation happened between you two, and turned the negativity into a fuel for power. i heard “your loss, not mine.”
you're someone who's pretty aware of what you want and need in life, and your fs is impressed about that. i do think you learned to comprehend your personal needs better over time. not only does your fs admire your ability to wholeheartedly welcome and embrace what serves you in life, but also your ability to reject the things that don't serve you in any way; and the way in which you express is it in this strong and clear manner. you seem very fair-minded, nicely balanced sense of judgement here; so you're likely to be good at assessing certain situations and weighing out the pro's and con's, saying no and yes according to what you think is right for yourself.
you aren't a person who is gonna accept, stay put and simply run with injustice because you don't wanna cause any drama. if you need to stir some things up in order to get the justice you deserve.. you will be doing that.
i do feel like you might've caused some other people, potentially your fs, feelings of disappointment before, however they're not able to actually be mad at you in retrospect, because in the end they know you're right. there's some situation here where you had to just turn off your emotions and approach things in a more rational manner. there might've been some direct and straightforward (perhaps a little hurtful for some) communication about certain things you weren't happy about or dissatisfied with, and you just truly felt the need to speak up about.
your fs applauds how you can emotionally detach yourself from people when needed, like literally not give a damn, and act according to your own will. they might feel quite jealous of that, envy it to an extent. like “wow, they really don't allow anyone to tell them what to do.” they see a lot of things they wish they were, in you.
i have a feeling you haven't always been like this, but as you matured, you needed to learn how to assert yourself in a stronger manner. at this point in time, you're very much focused on satisfying yourself on your own, before relying on anyone else to do it, so it's giving your fs this message of “well.. i don't really need you.”
your fs might've not enriched your life anymore, you just felt like things got boring and stale, which is why you cut them off. you simply aren't someone who will beat around the bush and walk on eggshells to please anybody. you prefer honest communication, since that's fair in your eyes.
i believe that this pile's fs is eager to work on themselves more in order to be better for you. they might even be waiting for you two to reunite at some point. there's a clear physical distance here, and a waiting period here.
i truly have the feeling they might feel a little inferior to you, and feel intimidated by you to a degree. you might give off a very proud or almost smug vibe to them, even if you yourself don't see it; your fs seems to view you in that light. almost like you got the good side of things, while they're struggling because of the separation.
they might be going through some situations or conversations they had with you in their head over and over, and wonder where exactly they went wrong. they're wondering how they can improve to not make the same mistake again, and i do think what happened between the two of you sparked a lot of personal and spiritual growth for the both of you.
i do feel like this relationship is likely to be a very slow-burn connection that doesn't develop quickly. i feel like the universe is working hard on showing both of you the signs, and letting you two meet again, but it all appears to be a slower work in progress. it's strongly giving a karmic relationship; there's some clear messages to be learnt here.
potential messages from your fs for you
“i know you are my soulmate. our bond is magnetic. i'm seeing all the signs.”
“i'm going through a lot right now. i need space and time to gather my thoughts.”
“i want a second chance, not being with you is killing me.”
“i keep looking at your pics.”
#kpop tarot#pac reading#pac#tarot reading#tarot community#tarot#personal reading#pick a card#pick a pile#pick a card reading
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"i blinked and suddenly i had a valentine"
...the one where you're not quite sure how and why hyunjin loves you, but he does, and that's all you really need
it's the way he just loves you like it's normal. you don't know how to describe the feeling but it makes your eyes well up with tears everytime.
with your limited experience of love, you've never once had someone love you back as strongly as you loved them. that was until you met hyunjin.
the way he kisses your forehead before he puts down your cup of coffee on the table, the way he smiles at you every morning as he grabs you and pulls you over him, the way he silently adjusts your rings and earrings whenever you're rambling on about something that happened at work, the way he sends you random messages throughout the day about how grateful he is to have you in his life, the way he always kisses your face to wake you up in time for work and ensures you still have fifteen minutes to cuddle, the way he silently rests his head on your shoulder as he stands behind you, hands caressing your hips and soft kisses being planted on your neck.
you're not used to it. all your life, you've been the one giving and giving and giving until your glass was empty and the moment you asked for any sense of reassurance or comfort, you were told to be too much.
but with hyunjin, for the first time, it's like you're finally able to get back the love you always wanted. and this time it's not even a small portion, hwang hyunjin loves you like the world was to end tonight and he'd have no regrets when it comes to you.
so it takes him by surprise when he slips his hands into yours one sunday afternoon, the grey clouds outside admirers of your love and leans down to press a kiss against your lips only to see fat tears rolling down your cheeks.
he immediately lets go of your hand to grab the sleeve of his sweatshirt and wipe your tears away, afraid he had done something wrong.
but he's even more confused when you bury your face in his chest and cling to him tightly as you cry your heart out. hyunjin doesn't know what he's done to make you so upset and he's almost afraid to hug you back but seeing the way you hold onto him, he wraps his own arms around you before cautiously kissing the top of your head.
"you-you don't have to-i've never- i love you hyune." you cry out.
and hyunjin can only smile softly as he gathers you in his arms and takes you to the couch to get you comfortable on his lap.
he wishes he could tell you. but he can't. words fail him when he needs them most. but he knows you understand, he knows you can feel how his heart bursts from love for you.
so he'll write about it someday, maybe paint too.
because he just hopes you know that even if the earth burns to ashes, hwang hyunjin will never stop loving you.
#stray kids x reader#stray kids fluff#skz fluff#stray kids imagines#skz#skz imagines#stray kids#stray kids fic#skz fic#stray kids x male reader#skz x reader#skz x gn reader#skz x male reader#skz x y/n#skz x you#hwang hyunjin#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin comfort#skz comfort#hyunjin fluff#hyunjin stray kids#hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin x you#hwang hyunjin x reader#hyunjin#kpop x male reader#kpop x reader#stray kids comfort#hyunjin x y/n#hyunjin x male reader
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