#does that mean there is a double poem treat today?

[demon-bugs]

Is it optimistic or naïve To think there is a place where I will be welcomed

I think I see glimpses of it sometimes In the bright sun In the river's reflections

Not quite enough to convince me it is out there But enough to give me the most dangerous thing Hope

[ifeveristoday]

I got out my DVDs for this rewatch (that’s not actually a big deal. I only have season 3 on DVD. 😂) so let’s get to it.

I forgot they did a cold open for this episode!

I know it’s for ambiance but man does Angel have a lot of candles displayed. Probably too ‘mainstream’ for his taste but the thought of Angel furtively going to a Bath and Bodyworks in the mall during their semi-annual sale and just buying out their whole candle selection gives me the purest joy. Let’s be real though, Angel would shop at some boutique/hole in the wall owned by a wizened old character with a twinkle in their eye and everything marked up 20%. Or it would be a steel and glass monstrosity with a collection labeled Candles for Men. That’s the range.

Back to the enormous fire hazard that this scene is -

Wait. Does fire burn on stone?

Shout out to the stunt doubles.

I think that Angel getting food for Buffy for a sort of alfresco picnic while training is really sweet, actually. Also, can't miss the opportunity for both carbs and phallic symbolism ala bread.

Everyone is so embarrassingly horny in this moment. I'd say get a room except they're in a whole giant mansion.

Always remember the bread! What did Angel do with the food after Buffy fled? Fed the no-doubt cursed pigeons that live in Sunnydale.

Thanks for the workout (insert stereotypical dirty laugh).

Oh yes, the awkward 'let's talk about your birthday without mentioning the last birthday you had at all because it's horrifying' chitchat. God, the anxiety Angel is radiating here and Buffy trying to smooth it over. You can't unfrost that trauma cake!

Angel, you utter dork. You're lucky Buffy finds you pretty. Very powerful himbo energy here. And it's nice to see some light-hearted flirting/banter between them.

How do you know when someone's aura's dirty? Buffy is only asking the reasonable questions everyone has.

Do you hear yourself, Giles. "I'm aware of your distaste in studying vibratory stones..." I can't imagine what that section of the Slayer handbook looks like. Are there pull-out charts?

Faith being conveniently gone for this episode. Boo, hiss.

That workout really did a number on Buffy. I see what you're doing with those crystals.

One of the sad parts of rewatching Buffy is that you just don't have the first time discovery feels of watching it - that magic is gone, but even though I know why Buffy's wobbling in her fight, the reveal is still upsetting. Thinking about how in Season 5, when she does get staked, just as she's questioning her powers - and here, where she's losing them.

Also, obvious observation is obvious - the sexual violence imagery is really, really blatant here - with the vampire crouched over her with the stake aimed toward her heart, just as she playfully staked Angel earlier in a more romantically set scene.

AND THEN THE THEME KICKS IN. Like, damn! Three minutes and you can pretty much tell what the plot is going to be - Buffy and Angel's UST is getting out of hand, Buffy's lone Rangering it, and something is wrong with her. And it's her birthday.

And Buffy's resourcefulness saves the day.

Perhaps you shouldn't be throwing knives in the library, Buffy.

Did they do a geography lesson on Cuernavaca? It's also just fun to say. Like La Cienega. Brief moment to ponder yet again about a show set in Southern California, actually shot in Southern California, with the huge Latine population we have and the Spanish-influenced names and culture and - getting sidetracked by all this casual 90s racism.

"We do it every year for my birthday," except your seventeenth, presumably because of the murderous ex-boyfriend stalking the town you live in and all your loved ones. [Or, he did take her and it was not shown on screen!] Sometimes I wonder if the continuity editors just go, you know, I'm going to let this one go for the 'emotion' and not just so years later, a Virgo with a deep-seated need to obsess over throwaway details will go into a thought spiral to make it make sense.

I think this is also the last time Hank Summers was spoken of with any real affection because then he was Deadbeat Dad for the remainder of the show. Oh, look. The Scoobies are surprised about the traditional birthday ice show that I'm going to nitpick about forever.

Oz is so supportive, and then the clunker of a 'deep' line of ice being cool because it's water then it's not. I do like the Whedonesque school of dialogue, but sometimes you gotta reel it back. I remember the dialogue on Dawson's Creek was getting pinged for the teenagers talking like grad students.

Quiet reflection. Oh you poor girl, you have no idea.

Quarterly projections - is a convincing filler phrase for when you don't need to know what the job is, because it's boring but sounds vaguely official. What does Hank actually do? Who cares! He's an asshole.

Sunnydale Arms, because of course, Sunnydale has a broken down abandoned murder hotel.

Quentin Travers. Boo. Hiss.

The scary music is very scary. Also one of the Council flunkies looks like a very young Vincent D'Onofrio.

This scene with them in the library is so bittersweet because Buffy is fishing for Giles's attention as a father figure substitute ("very sophisticated people go!" breaks my heart) and he pointedly is rejecting this for training talk.

Look for the flaw at its center. THE FLAW IS YOU GILES. YOU YOU YOU.

it's just so terrible, this scene because of how methodical and clinical it plays out. And Buffy is just not there, and then Giles smiles like nothing has happened.

Buffy makes it through another night - next day (another reason why this trial is so horrifying is that it takes place over several days - it's not on Buffy's birthday but leading up to it, so the idea of her getting weaker and weaker and unable to fight to make it to 18 in the first place) and it's time for the Cordelia has had enough of toxic masculinity scene!

Also, Willow blithely ignoring a person's feelings and treating Amy as just a rat is played for laughs and cuteness, but yeah...you can't treat people like puppets or rats [law and order sound]

I love Cordelia's coat. And also, while it does suck that she stood him up, he's not entitled to her time or attention and certainly not to threaten her. Go, Cordy! Fight like a girl! Yes! Pummel him into the hallway.

I also love Willow's outfit here because I think the colors are so complementary and warm and it's a cute outfit. Okay, the knit wooly hat is a bit too Blossom-esque, but whatever.

Buffy is tiny, we all know this, but I do think they purposefully dressed her in larger than her size coats in this episode to make her look even more tiny and vulnerable.

Giles is TOO BLASE for this scene also shut your mouth about throwing knives like a girl

"It's an archaic exercise in cruelty." SO WHY DID YOU GO ALONG WITH IT, BRAIN TRUST. (I am going to be very mean to Giles this whole rewatch, deal with it.)

"But I'm the one in the thick of it." No, you're not. You are going to be adjacent to it, at best.

Hey it's that guy!

Okay, in better lighting, flunkie does not look like Vincent D'Onofrio.

It's impossible to pin down one type of Vampire in the Whedonverse, except for the delineation between Grunt Bait Vampires, and Special Guest Star/Master vampires, but Kralik is the only other example of a vampire with mental illness besides Drusilla, yet he's medicated. Makes me wonder how exactly they got Kralik...he was a monster before he was a vampire, but who vamped him? I don't put it past the Watchers to have vampires created for this purpose.

Curse against lawyers!

Xander and Oz bonding over comic books is so fun. I regret they didn't really get closer until after Xander and Willow cheated because Oz was the one male friend Xander had.

They mentioned her birthday! Thinking about Buffy's love of poetry later on, this is a nice little detail, and it *is* a thoughtful, sweet gift. Also those poems: horny. Oh yes, maybe in a restrained way, but Elizabeth Barrett Browning knew what was up.

The Buffy and Angel relationship in season three is full of these starts and stops that I can see why and agree with others about how it's frustrating on a number of levels. They know why they can't be together, but they still try to find a common ground because they want to need the other one. They still have their identities to figure out - Buffy as the slayer and a young adult, Angel as a person, separate from Buffy and being Buffy's ex sort of maybe.

But this conversation in Helpless is genuinely sweet and a glimpse at what a normal couple at the crossroads would talk about - I think I'm also being soft on this because the other Important Male Figure in Buffy's life in this episode lets her down so spectacularly bad, that Angel being supportive and kind in his awkward way is a nice respite. It's good to be away from the angst and the horror that their relationship has had.

And the self-aware puncturing of the Moment between them is something Buffy does very well. "Taken literally, incredibly gross - I was just thinking that too". Look, it's cute and soft and I will allow it.

The horror of this episode (and there are so many) is that we have to watch Buffy become the helpless blonde in a slasher flick who is being chased by the monsters and she can't do anything about it - that she has to be rescued or die. That the real world with men catcalling and bystanders who ignore women's cries of distress is far scarier than the literal demons that inhabit the town - and Buffy brokenly saying she can't just be a person, she can't be helpless like that [like women are, still, today] is a gut punch. It's uncomfortable and unhappy because Buffy is supposed to be the hero, the [sigh] strong female lead who can kick ass and take names, and this episode is all about finding who Buffy is, separate from her super powers. Also an exercise in emotional torture, but must be Tuesday.

The physicality - the weakness that both Buffy and Giles display in this scene is so, so good. The way Buffy's hand trembles toward the needle in the case and the dawning realization of what Giles has done, has chosen to do - and he bloodlessly tells her what the Cruciamentum is.

Her tiny little "Liar."

GOD WHY DIDN'T SHE GET AN EMMY (rhetorical we all know genre tv only matters if it was Game of Rapey Thrones)

"You will be safe now, I promise you." LIAR.

Another puncturing a heavy moment - Cordelia as cavalry - I love it. Cordelia taking the most obvious approach to the situation - 'oh Buffy might have lost her memory, well he's Giles,'

I can't believe they robbed us of a conversation in the car scene with Cordy and Buffy.

Kralik had to have found a polaroid camera and a metallic sharpie for this whole scenario -- OH I KNOW WHO HE REMINDS ME OF. The Night Stalker and any number of serial killers that terrorized SoCal. Is the show being self-aware of the problem with mothers and parents in general?

Probably a glib accident.

I don't have much to say about the part where Buffy hunts Kralik because it's so masterfully done with the atmosphere and music.

Nice of Giles's backbone to enter the chat now.

This is not business. Ooo.

Buffy's "I thought I killed a man" emo overalls!

Like it's shadowy, but there's still enough light to see facial expressions. Lighting guy, I salute you.

Little red riding hood metaphor. Oh, that's so her stunt double.

CREEPY SEXUAL VIOLENCE REARS ITS DEFORMED HEAD AGAIN

Jump stair scare. I remember the first time I saw it, I jolted in the living room.

Serial Killer Shit. Why are vampires such drama queens?

THAT'S RIGHT, BUFFY DID THAT

The ending scene in the library is cathartic in that Buffy gets to stand up for herself finally, and recognizes what Giles gives up by helping her, delayed as it was, also there's the feeling of hate punching Quentin Travers via your eyes.

Still don't think she should have forgiven Giles so easily, but we don't get to see a lot of aftercare for Buffy when she gets hurt, and it is a very tender scene.

The Scoobies are being way too upbeat if they knew about the fact that Giles poisoned Buffy, which is why I'm assuming she told a very abbreviated version of events ending with Buffy killed the bad guy and Giles got fired, oops.

Xander's big strong man comment and then looking immediately to Willow to open the jar and not Oz...

I could watch this episode again with episode commentary from David Fury, but another day.

[himbowelsh]

Would you be willing at all to do a similar thing to the BoB boys falling in love for the Pacific boys? Or if that’s too much maybe just Leckies crew? Please and thank you if you do! ✨✌🏻🥳🦖🍰🎉🤸🏼‍♀️🍺🍆🦷🦞🌈🗿

of course!!  i love all of these boys, so getting to write any headcanons for them is a treat and privilege  (and how could i say no to all those emojis?)

Robert Leckie

more confident than he has any right to be.

umm, excuse you sir, the wedding ring isn’t on their finger yet, hold your goddamn horse

bob is vocal about his affection.  actually, he’s kind of a loudmouth about it; when he’s in love, all his friends get to hear about it.  his diary gets to hear about it.  his dog gets to hear about it, and he’s pretty sure hoosier jr couldn’t care less.   if someone’s willing to listen, bob’s gonna wax poetic.

the louder he proclaims his love, the more real it feels to him...  concrete, like the next torrential rainstorm or wicked nightmare isn’t going to wash it away.   bob’s confidence isn’t a front  ---  he’s really just like that  ---  but there’s more underneath than meets the eye.

he likes to dedicate his writing to them.  while he eventually grows out of the love poems phase  (the smartest choice of his literary career)  his love interest remains his muse.   he’ll bounce his ideas off of them, seek out their opinions on the things he’s written...  yes, he’s hungry for their attention, but knowing that they’ll be reading gives him the motivation to write better.

he’ll rarely admit his feelings outright, always dancing around it in smirks and sly double-entendres.   is he talking about how great the filet mignon at this restaurant is, or that he wants to get married soon? knowing him, both, and that’s exactly what he wants to leave them wondering.

Runner Conley

runner in love is very earnest.  he doesn’t feel the need to brag  ---  sure, his friends can tell just by looking at him, but how he feels for the person he cares about is their business alone.   

still, he can’t help talking about them.   they’re on his mind so much that he’ll just bring them up out of the blue  ---   his crush said this, his crush thinks that, this reminds him of the time he and his crush did blah-blah-blah...  he completely gives himself away.    his friends will take the piss out of him, but runner legit doesn’t even notice he’s doing it; he can’t stop.

he is right there with the favors.  they need a ride somewhere?  they need something picked up at the store?  just tell him, and he’ll do it, no questions asked.  he gets things done in record time.  (meanwhile, leckie asked to borrow his can opener two weeks ago, and runner still hasn’t gotten around to it. the preference is clear.)

loves to just spend time with them.  he’ll ask to hang out all the time, inventing excuses just to spend time together.  being in their space, enjoying their presence, is the best part about being in love for him.

Hoosier Smith

hoosier’s love is measured in tolerance.   if he’s willing to spend time around somebody, he likes 'em. if he’ll spend the whole day with 'em, he’s head-over-heels.

lowkey, no one would be able to tell hoosier’s falling in love.  he plays his emotions close to his chest, and doesn’t analyze them too much.  yeah, he’s caught feelings, but no sense making a big deal out of it.  they’ll probably go away on their own.

except they don’t, and the more they grow, the easier hoosier finds it is to be around them.  he’s not taxed by their presence, and hardly ever annoyed with them; it’s easy to banter with them, and when they laugh at his quips he feels all warm inside.  it’s weird.  he’s not sure he likes it.  but damn him if he wants it to end.

the day he finds himself eager to hang out with them...  he knows he’s done for.

hoosier is much more relaxed around the person he loves. all his blunt edges have softened; he’s a little gentler with them, a little fonder.  he’s not loud about it at all, but as soon as his partner picks up on it, his love becomes obvious.

Chuckler Juergens

he has absolutely no filter, and there is no way he can hold these emotions in.  when chuckler is in love, it’s like a golden retriever with a crush.

everything they do is amazing in his eyes.  he has to actively work to recognize their flaws; for a while, he definitely wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to his love interest.  he just loves so sincerely, with his whole body, that holding it in threatens to overwhelm him. 

that said, he doesn’t rush into love.  it builds up slowly in him.  he can’t really say he loves someone until he’s known them for a while.  by then, they’re pretty comfortable around each other, and on a level of intimacy that he doesn’t feel shy admitting it when he’s certain.  (he also wouldn’t have luck hiding it if he tried; to all his friends, chuckler’s pretty transparent.)

he laughs at all their jokes, and would go miles out of his way for them if they just asked for it.  his smile is always broader around them, painfully genuine.  chuckler’s a social guy, so he loves being out in crowds, but around the person he loves he loves it when it’s just the two of them.

he needs his partner to say “i love you” first, but he’ll say everything but.  “you look amazing today,”; “no one dance like as you,”; “i could spend every night like this with you”.    he’s confessed his feelings a dozen times over before the word “love” ever passes between them.

Sid Phillips

sid genuinely enjoys falling in love.  it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, right?  (for most people  ---  his aunt janine has fallen in love four times and counting, but if she were the gold standard for romance, she’d still be invited to the phillips family christmases.)

he kind of becomes...  not oblivious to everything else, but his mind is very clearly in another place.  he’s not as sensitive to his other friends’ feelings; he drops plans without much notice because he’d rather be with the person he loves.  sid falling in love becomes self-absorbed without realizing it, and would have to be snapped out of it by a well intentioned  (very annoyed)  friend.

with his partner, however, he’s tender.  sid is a very good listener, empathetic and kind; he’s open about his feelings from the start, valuing communication in a relationship, and nothing makes him grin harder than hearing his partner feels the same way.

sid is a gentleman  ---  he’s eager to help them out with anything they need.  he’s very conscientious of his partner’s feelings, careful not to overstep boundaries.  he wouldn’t do anything, even kiss, unless his partner gave him plenty of encouragement.

Eugene Sledge

eugene does not all in love easily.  it takes him a long time to ease into it.  he doesn’t tumble head-over-heels, so much as cautiously inch down the mountain, taking frequent breaks to have a snack and psyche himself up.

somehow, he’s quieter around the person he loves.  it’s noticeable because he wasn’t always like this.  eugene as a friend is quite different to eugene as a lover, more tentative and tender in all the ways that count.  he gets...  not shy, really, but more reserved around them.  he doesn’t want to let his feelings show, so the casual banter and easy dynamic they used to have grows stiff and uncomfortable.  he’ll jump through hoops to avoid hanging out alone with them.

why is he doing this?  god help him, even he’s not sure.

if anyone confronts him about it, he’ll get mad.  of course he’s not treating them any differently!  this is how he’s always been, he’s fine  ---   but just as quickly as he flares up for his own sake, he’ll get even more riled over any slight to his loved one.  being in love awakes a defensiveness eugene never realized he had.  suddenly, he’d do anything for his partner’s sake.

it takes a while for eugene to come to terms with his feelings, and trust himself enough to love.  hopefully his partner’s patient  ---  and straightforward about their feelings, because eugene’s probably going to need a push.

Snafu Shelton

his crush starts finding weird gifts hidden around their house, and no, they have no clue how they got there.  

merriell’s not a romantic, okay?  he doesn’t know how all that wooing-and-courting works, but he gets the general idea.  nothing romantic about coming up to someone and saying outright   ‘your hair looks like it’d be cozy to wear as a sweater, when you smile i want to touch your teeth, this feels like love’.  like.  it’s all true, but that doesn’t mean he can say it.

frankly, he’s still cursing himself for falling in love in the first place, because merriell did not sign up for all this mushy-gushy feeling stuff.  

some people just...  aren’t meant to fall in love, and he’s one of them.  not love that feels like this, that feels...  so real.  it scares him.   he doesn’t know what to do about it.

he’s a weak man, though.  it’s not like he can just stay away.  merriell can’t help but want to be around them constantly, looking over their shoulder and watching out for them; he’s fascinated by them, and it only grows more obvious as the feelings continue to swell in his chest.

so, he sneaks tiny gifts  ---  things he finds or things he likes, things that make him think of them  ---  in their stuff, and watches raptly when they find it.  no, he’s not gonna confess to leaving them there.  it’s just...  nice to watch.

he stares at them for a long time  ---  not unusual for him, to be fair  ---  but when they look up, he looks away immediately.  very out of character, and honestly more unnerving than if he just kept staring.

able to carry on like normal, unless the topic of romance is brought up at all.  then he gets ornery and annoyed, especially if his love interest talks about any past romantic relationships.  he’s possessive in love, especially because he’s not sure where he stands in the other person’s affections.  merriell hates the idea of them with anyone else, but can’t really believe they’d want to be with him.

RV Burgin

well, next to the hot messes that are sledge and snafu, burgie’s a disney prince.

literally, he goes so far out of his way to not make the person he loves uncomfortable.  he’s a gentleman to his core.  the idea of caring for someone who doesn’t feel the same way stings  ---   but even worse is the idea that he could be forcing affection on someone who doesn’t want it.

because of this, he might keep it all a bit too much to himself.  he won’t come out and say it, and will be notably more hesitant around them.  no casual touches  ---   if he accidentally does, he’ll draw back like he’s been burned.  if his friends  (re:  snafu and leyden)  say anything perverted around them, he’ll quickly steer the conversation away.

still, it would be impossible to think he isn’t interested.  sometimes he can’t help staring at his love interest, eyes warm in admiration...  and when they catch him, he holds their gaze for a moment, the ghost of a smile flickering across his face, before looking away.

oh yeah, he’s a goner.

when he does let his feelings slip out, it’s always quick and sincere.   “you’re the strongest person i know,” he says once, while trying to encourage them in his typical burgie way;   “i admire you very much.”   he gives compliments without meaning to, or even realizing how he’s selling himself out.  he’s just so besotted that he can’t help it.

Jay De L'Eau

he gets nervous, he gets clumsy, and he gets giggly.  this is a horrible combination.

he once knocked over an entire candle, set a curtain on fire, and was desperately trying to laugh it off while stomping the flames out...  all because he crush complimented him.

jay wants to look cool in front of his love interest, but he’s decidedly not.  poor boy hasn’t got a chance.   there isn’t a suave bone in his body, and no one knows this as well as jay.

so, he becomes earnest instead.  he’s always on hand to do favors for them, always willing to help out whenever he needs it  ---  jay could be corralled into doing couple’s yoga with little resistance, just because his love interest wants to.

this extreme generosity can get exhausting after a while  ---  he really has to figure out how to rein it in  ---   but if it shows how much he appreciates them?  and if it means he gets to spend extra time with them?  yeah, jay doesn’t regret a thing.

Bill Leyden

he’s being???  nice??  leyden’s being nice??

his friends check him for a fever.  they worry he’s been lobotomized.  clearly he’s been abducted by aliens and replaced with a pod person!

leyden is a prickly bastard in general...  but when he’s falling in love, the entire world is puppydogs and rainbows, and he’ll sing showtunes to the heavens.

he’s just so much happier when he’s falling in love.  it’s hard not to spread that happiness around.  he has way more patience for his friends’ bullshit, and is eager to listen to their problems and offer his  (still very leyden-esque)  advice.

god forbid when his love interest’s actually present.  leyden doesn’t have eyes for anyone else; it’s all about them, and he’s a goddamn prince to them.  peeling fruit for them, laughing at all their jokes, making cow-eyes...  he turns into the person he’d be disgusted by in any other circumstance.

Andrew Haldane

it’s all about the emotional intimacy, boys.

andy could never truly fall in love with someone until he already knows them very well; he has to be comfortable with them, to have an easy rapport.  understanding each other is the first step to winning his heart.

he definitely gets a sparkle around them, though.  he just looks brighter, younger, less burdened by his many responsibilities.  maybe it’s because he knows he can share them with his partner...  but andy feels so much lighter when he’s with them.

he’s very generous with his praise. when they do something well, he lets them know it; the last thing he’d want is for them not to understand how much he appreciates them, how valuable they are to him, how glad he is to have them close...

absolutely overthinks it.  he’ll turn his feelings over and over in his head for ages, trying to process them before admitting anything out loud?  is this real?  is this plausible?  are they both in the right place in life to be in love?  do they really love him back?  he’s not an indecisive man, but he puts so much thought into this that eventually, a friend like hillbilly would need to shake him a bit, and tell him to just go for it.

Hillbilly Jones

he’s not going to say it outright.  he’d rather eat a live squid than do something that dumb.   when hillbilly feels himself falling for someone, he grips a railing all the way down.

anything they need, he’s there to do.  his affection reveals itself through how quick he is to help the person he likes.  loyalty drives his urge to make their life easier.  if they need some repairs done around the house, or some errands taken care of, he’ll offer to do them without a second thought.   “not a problem,”  he replies with a tiny smile when they worry he’s going to too much trouble.   after all, he wouldn’t do it for just anyone.

master of wordless communication.  his love interest doesn’t need to hear things outright from him, because they become well-acquainted with all of hillbilly’s various (extremely sarcastic)  faces.  he loves this easy communication.

he’ll talk them up to anyone who needs to hear it.  hillbilly does not take kindly to his partner being disparaged, under any circumstances.  it’s not overprotectiveness, he’ll insist to himself  ---  the protection is completely warranted, and he’s not ashamed to punch someone if his partner’s good name is on the line.

John Basilone

he gets all the points for persistence.  

john’s greatest virtue is his determination.  no matter what the world throws at him, or how many ways it tries to kill him, he’s going to keep going until he physically cannot anymore.

and...  not gonna lie, there are moments when he sees his love interest smile, and it feels like he’s been shot through the chest.  he’s got to stop, just to catch his breath, because they sweep the ground out from under his feet. 

the first time it happens, he knows he’s in love.  yeah, he knew he liked them already, but...  like and love are different things.  he likes his mama’s panna cotta, but he’s not going to marry it.

when john’s falling for someone, it’s important to him that they know it.  no beating around the bush for him; if they don’t feel the same way, they can respond however they like, but they’ve at least got to know.

he misses no opportunity to make his admiration clear.  if they do something impressive, he’s the loudest voice on the sidelines cheering them on;  if it’s their birthday or a holiday, he hands his gift to them personally, with that irrepressible charming grin.  

john is very confident in love, but he’s also very optimistic.  it’s not that he’s never been rejected before, or can’t take it...   he just genuinely doesn’t believe his heart can break.

[princess-of-lions]

For International Women’s Day, several feminist book recommendations! By feminist, I mean both books about feminism, and books about strong, complex, nuanced female characters created by female authors. (This is a pretty long list. Took a while to put together.)

Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie can find her way right to the heart of the issues that confront women every day. This advice can apply to women in all cultural contexts, and in my opinion is a must-read for all feminists. There Are Girls Like Lions: Poems About Being a Woman by Cole Swensen   A short poetry anthology about the moments of growing up as a girl and a woman. Circe by Madeline Miller Madeline Miller’s Circe is a triumph of storytelling and a triumph for feminism. In the Odyssey, Circe is treated as the selfish witch that Odysseus subdues. Here, she is given agency, life. She feels real and her desires and her courage and her fears will become your own. Madeline Miller has a true talent for epic prose. The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish An aging historian in London growing close to retiring as her body begins to betray her is given a chance to discover significant truths when papers come to light that tell an unusual tale. That of a young Jewish woman far in the past who longs to study and learn, to question philosophy and faith, and does so in secret while dreading the prospect of marriage. This book takes an unerring view of courage, personal truth, faith, philosophy, and what it means to be a woman. Flight of Dreams by Ariel Lawhon Emilie is not what she seems. And on the Hindenburg, it seems that everyone has something to hide. Suspenseful and enthralling, Ariel Lawhon’s imagining of the tale of the doomed airship flight is nothing less than a masterpiece.

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi Tomi Adeyemi has created a high fantasy book that draws its inspiration from African cultures and legends. Her characters and setting are refreshing and compelling, and the words will settle in your heart and blood. The people love fiercely and deeply, and the losses are wounding. The parallels drawn to racial violence in America are at once heart-breaking and enraging. A necessary read.

The Ash Princess by Laura Sebastian Her home was invaded. Her family murdered, and her paraded about as a trophy. Princess Theodosia struggles to reclaim who she is and what she stands for in a world that has beaten her and her people to the ground. If she is to free herself and her people, she must remember what she truly is. A queen. The Chosen Maiden by Eva Stachniak   In the early 20th century, the world of ballet experiences a revolution. Vaslav Njinsky, hailed as a prodigy, provokes confusion and outrage with choreography that is strange, halting, jarring – to many, ugly. This is the tale of his sister, Bronia, also an extraordinary ballet dancer. As revolution sparks in Russia and war begins in Europe, she learns to chart her own path and defy expectations. Lands of Lost Borders: A Journey on the Silk Road by Kate Harris Kate Harris loved to read. She wanted to explore. To see the frontiers of everything. So, she decided to become an astronaut. But exploration can come in many forms, and she chooses to bike the Silk Road on her own journey of exploration. Told with candor, wit, and sweeping prose, this is my favorite travel book. Sold by Patricia McCormick A young girl in Nepal believes she has the chance to have a job, to help provide for her family. But when she arrives, she finds that the ‘work’ is not what she expected. Trapped in a brothel, she is forced into sex slavery. This is a difficult and emotional read, but an important one. The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley A retelling of the Arthurian legends from the point of view of Morgan Le Fey, Ygraine of Cornwall, Guinevere, Viviane, Morgause, and others. It’s a very good read with very human characters and a heart of tragedy. The women in this book are wholly women and wholly human, with flaws and love and fear and difficult choices. Though I have one important note: I discovered this after I read the book, but later in life the author was revealed to have sexually abused her daughter and other children. Because of this, I wasn’t sure whether to include this one. I decided to because of the book’s merits and its influence on feminism in the nineties. I leave it to your judgement. Women & Power: A Manifesto by Mary Beard Mary Beard is a historian with penetrating understanding of the place women occupy in society. Her manifesto addresses the power imbalances women have faced throughout history and in the present. My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsburg A collection of the writings of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second woman ever to be appointed to the Supreme Court. Accessible, logical, and wryly amusing, she provides insight into the workings of the Supreme Court, law, women’s rights, and many other topics. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah During World War II, two sisters are separated in occupied France. They find their own ways to survive and rebel against the German presence in their land. A well-written tale of sisterly and familial love, loss, courage, and endurance. The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson A fantasy story about a princess chosen by a prophecy. Her journey to find, understand, and accept the power within herself is as poetic as the book’s title. The Perfume Collector by Kathleen Tessaro Two women, separated by a generation, bonded by memory. This book is captivating – and makes you wish you had some perfume of your own! Memory and scent, love and resentment, mystery, and fearless choices twine together in this story. A Bound Woman Is a Dangerous Thing: The Incarceration of African American Women from Harriet Tubman to Sandra Bland Poems honoring black women who have been held back and trapped and chained throughout America’s history. This is not a comfortable read. But it is a worthwhile one. I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai This one doesn’t really need any explanation. It’s definitely a must-read though. Code Girls: The Untold Story of the American Women Code Breakers of World War II The meticulously researched story of the girls who broke codes in World War II. While their husbands and brothers and sons went off to fight, they went to Washington and learned to do work that greatly impacted the course of the war. Since they were all sworn to secrecy, their stories were almost lost. But not anymore. The Other Einstein by Marie Benedict Mileva Maric was a brilliant physicist and mathematician from Serbia. She attended the University of Zurich and was the only woman in her classes. After university, she married her former classmate: Albert Einstein. Her husband’s shadow is very long, but this woman deserves to step into the light. This is a rich portrait of a woman who was far more than merely Albert Einstein’s wife. Women in Science: 50 Fearless Pioneers Who Changed the World by Rachel Ignotofsky This one’s pretty self-explanatory too. It’s an awesome book with gorgeous illustrations and many awesome and brilliantly smart women. Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo Well, Wonder Woman, obviously. In this novel, Diana is finding her place as an Amazon, a warrior, and a teenage girl. Her confidence, courage, and loyalty is extraordinarily compelling. The book tackles the difficult issues she must face, involving war, peace, and the true meaning of strength. A Secret History of Witches by Louisa Morgan I always pay attention when I see the word “witch” on the cover of a book. In history, witches have been the women who were feared for their differences – for their knowledge, their beauty, their independence, etc. It’s a powerful word with a powerful meaning. In this book, witchcraft is real, and the women are too. It follows five generations of the same family of witches, examining and celebrating the bonds between mothers and daughters while telling a tale fraught with tension and courage. Face Value: The Hidden Ways Beauty Shapes Women’s Lives by Autumn Whitefield-Madrano An examination of the perception of beauty and its effects in women’s lives today, touching upon insecurity, image, idealization, and numerous other things. The Map of Salt and Stars by Jennifer Zeynab Joukhadar Another tale about two girls in different time periods (I love these). Here’s the blurb: “- a modern day Syrian refugee seeking safety and a medieval adventurer apprenticed to a legendary mapmaker – places today’s headlines in the sweep of history, where the pain of exile and the triumph of courage echo again and again.” The prose is lyrically beautiful and the story is richly crafted. An incredible read. Double Bind: Women on Ambition edited by Robin Romm Ambition can be a complicated thing for women. What we want to do can be altered by how we want to see ourselves – or more accurately, how we are socialized to see ourselves. An ambitious woman may seem aggressive and overconfident to others – while an ambitious man may seem dominant and just the right amount of confident. This book is worth a look. Book of Ages: The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin by Jill Lepore A collection of her own writings tied together by the biographical work of Jill Lepore. In this portrait of Benjamin Franklin’s younger sister, Jane Franklin emerges as a shrewd, resilient, and confident woman. Pirate Women: The Princesses, Prostitutes, and Privateers Who Ruled the Seven Seas by Laura Sook Duncombe This book is so awesome. It just is. Badass women from all over the world who wanted their freedom and took it. Need I say more? Geisha, A Life by Mineko Iwasaki ‘"Many say I was the best geisha of my generation," writes Mineko Iwasaki. "And yet, it was a life that I found too constricting to continue. And one that I ultimately had to leave." Trained to become a geisha from the age of five, Iwasaki would live among the other "women of art" in Kyoto's Gion Kobu district and practice the ancient customs of Japanese entertainment. She was loved by kings, princes, military heroes, and wealthy statesmen alike. But even though she became one of the most prized geishas in Japan's history, Iwasaki wanted more: her own life. And by the time she retired at age twenty-nine, Iwasaki was finally on her way toward a new beginning.” A tale of courage. the princess saves herself in this one by Amanda Lovelace A story told in four collections of poetry. The story of the princess in the tower, and the story of you. The Diplomat’s Daughter by Karin Tanabe After the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Emi Kato is imprisoned in an American internment camp. Later, she and her family are sent home to Japan, where war threatens everything. This is a tale of love, sacrifice, resilience and hope in the middle of a war told in elegant and touching prose. The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker A retelling of the Iliad (The Trojan War) from the point of view of the women – primarily Briseis. The wars of ancient times are often thought of as glorious. The picture this book paints of the siege on Troy shows the other side of war. It’s illuminating, intricately detailed and bluntly told. Everything Here Is Beautiful by Mira T. Lee A difficult story of family, mental illness, sisterhood, immigration, and fulfillment in life. Every word rings true, sometimes painfully. Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo This one was a really difficult read for me. It’s heart-rending. The love, jealousy, commitment to family, completely different cultural context… A difficult read, but worth it in the end, for the exact reasons that made it hard. The Lost Girls of Paris by Pam Jenoff Another World War II spy story! But this one is less about code-breaking and more about the feet on the ground in Paris. A fictionalized version of a true story. Daughters of the Winter Queen: Four Remarkable Sisters, the Crown of Bohemia, and the Enduring Legacy of Mary, Queen of Scots by Nancy Bazelon Goldstone “Brilliantly researched and captivatingly written, filled with danger, treachery, and adventure but also love, courage, and humor, Daughters of the Winter Queen follows the lives of five remarkable women who, by refusing to surrender to adversity, changed the course of history.” Pretty self-explanatory. An awesome and engaging book. Daughter of a Daughter of a Queen by Sarah Bird Based loosely on a true story. Cathy Williams is a slave. But she is also the daughter of a daughter of a queen, and her mother never lets her forget it. In this daring tale, Cathy rebels against her constraints as a black person and a woman and joins the army disguised as a man during the Civil War. Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shetterly I’m sure a lot of you have seen the movie based on this book. The untold story of three of NASA’s brilliant black female scientists during the Space Race. The book came before the movie and is just as satisfying in print as on the big screen. There’s also more exposition and nuance to the story. The Beekeeper’s Apprentice by Laurie R. King Sherlock Holmes has retired to keep bees in Sussex. Then, he meets Mary Russell, a young woman with a mind to rival his own. What adventures shall they encounter? It stays true to the tone and spirit of the original Sherlock Holmes stories, but Mary provides a fresh perspective. Wonderfully done. She Explores by Gale Straub These stories are so inspiring. I want to go out there and travel the world and explore the wild and live on the road every time I read them. All Hail the Queen: Twenty Women Who Ruled by Jennifer Orkin Lewis Ruling throughout history has not been only the domain of men. There have been multiple women that have ruled with strength, cleverness, and sheer daring. These are the stories of twenty of them from all over the world. 

[blissfullyinfatuated]

1-85 😈

You’re a real one who understands the quarantine struggles so Thank youuu 😰🥰🥰

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

“Looks” = subjective. So go off! Attraction is important for me. For some, that may be directly proportional to looks, or some attributes - attributes for me + VIBES

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

I want a break but yes, for development

3. Virgin?

No

4. Relationship?

Single, but seeing someone

5. In love?

Pass

6. Single this year?

The year just started so as of right now, yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

I’m open to open relationships and polygamy, but my core is monogamy b/c I want one equal ultimately

8. Answered

9. Answered

10. Love at first sight?

Only passionate love

11. Want to get married?

Yes

12. Answered

13. Answered

14. Crush on anyone?

I like but nothing like a “exciting crush”. I’ve lost a lot of my passion idkkkk

1. Piercings?

Yes

15. Tattoos?

Yes

16. Do you like kissing in public?

Not really but depends

20. Do you shower everyday?

Yes. Privilege! It’s refreshing and a reason to get me out of bed on low days

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Yes

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Sure? No? I don’t think these things 🥴

23. Do you think you can last a relationship of 6 months and not cheat?

Yes

24. Do you think that you’ll be married in the next 5 years?

At 27? Hopefully dating someone

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

Right now, the answer is no

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has anyone ever written a song or a poem about you?

A very honest poem. Shoutout to one of my exes who’s in a beautiful relationship today <3

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

None that I know of

29. Have you ever cheated?

Yes

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No. I grew up really insecure but I knew that I wouldn’t have the means to change everything about my physicality, and now idk I just accept them - God made me this way!

32. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Both, yes. I’m tired of crying 😅

33. Sex with a man?

Yes

34. Sex with a woman?

Oh yes

35. Kissed someone older than you?

Yes

36. Liked on of your best friends?

When I was younger. Idk it’s kinda always been my friends are my friends

37. Like someone your friends hated?

Yes. My relationships are separate from theirs and they trusted me to have integrity towards them

38. Liked someone you didn’t expect to?

All the time!

39. Wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Often :/ I feel like life never aligns

40. Written a song or poem about someone?

That’s how I’ve gotten over my exes. I have

41. Sex this year So far?

Si

42. How long can you just kiss until your head starts to wonder?

Depends hahaha

43. Longest relationship?

Couple of months to a year. I count one as a year

44. How many bfs/gfs have you had?

I count 2

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

One. I was dating someone during that time

46. How many times have you had sex last year?

Pass

47. Age?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

“Okay. I hope that they are a good person who treats you well. Thank you for your honesty”. Gotta be happy for others! It’s life

49. If you have bf/gf...?

N/A

50. If your true love knocked on your door with apologies and presents, would you accept?

I kinda already forgave/accepted. Idk if I’ll accept presents though. But I’d rather just talk it out, like every moment

51. Is there a boy/girl that you’d do absolutely everything for?

As much as I have love, no. I have to do that for myself first :/

52. Anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I guess & because I cannot go through hurting anymore

53. Is someone mad bc of the person that you are with?

Nope but I’ve had that happen before and the people who love me (friends & fam) are right

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Of course

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any :/ but some of my fave things to do are car rides on the freeway with great music

56. 8 facts about your body

Tattoos, piercings, melanin, beauty marks, soft, toe surgery, leg hair, double jointed

57. Things you want to say to your ex?

I can just DM her 😅

58. 5 ways to win your heart?

Be a gentleman. Be passionate/strive to be better and be ambitious. Do your own thing/be your own person. Food. Good qualities (honesty). Listen to me

59. What do you look like?



Yikes haha

60. Biggest age gap between me and any partners?

Lol probably 3 years

61. First thing you notice in someone?

Their hair and eyebrows

62. sexiest thing someone could ever do for you?

Dress up 😅😍

63. Your definition of having sex?

Any basic definition. Making love is different

64. Definition of cheating?

From Entertaining to physical/emotional betrayal

65. Favourite foreplay routine?

On me? Chest kisses

66. favourite role play?

Depends on the person 🤓😎

67. Idea of a perfect date?

Idk why I always imagine a beach when I get asked this

68. Sexual orientation?

No labels but if I had to, queer/pansexual. Preference towards women

69. Turn offs?

I mean hygiene is a big one when the person has the means, but also people who loaf. Also boring ppl (who don’t have an outlet or a hobby)

70. Turn ons?

Qualities. Someone who takes care of themselves in and out. Who does their own thing and who owns who they are

71. Kinkiest wet dream?

I actually don’t have wet dreams 🥴

72. Words you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk and degrading

73. Something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Acts of service help me so much, such as bringing me lunch for instance or picking me up. Super sweet

74. Most superficial characteristic you look for?

Curly hair lol

75. Sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Either won me my fave stuffed animal at the cne, Valentine’s Day: I missed Chinese New Years so she made a whole menu & brought recipes for us to make the food on vday!! && sending me earrings that I’ve wanted through the mail, && lavender through the mail bc i couldn’t sleep. && gotten a diffuser and some oils. I’ve dated really great girls & have great friends

76. Sweetest thing you’ve ever done for anyone?

Probably drive miles for them or picked them up or something. I feel like I’m so bland ahh

77. Opinion on age differences in relationships?

As long as it isn’t predatory (like the older person always seeks the same young thing) and they’re at least in their twenties, go off

78. Your dirtiest secret?

Probably #8 answered the first time. Everything is in the grey area

79. Last time you felt jealous?

Omg it was crazy!! And I felt threatened but in January 😅

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

My friend last night <3

81. 5 people you find attractive?

D & Ummm I guess the coat check girl at lavish LOL. I can’t think of any. I’m v not passionate lately

82. Last person you hugged?

D 🥰

83. Who was your first kiss with?

Stephanie

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

If I get into this I might cry, but it was for the better!

85. Would you ever date someone off the internet?

I mean isn’t this how dating works these days?

Successfully done before my online philosophy lecture 🥰🥰🥰😘

[valhrafns-nest]

Modern Paganism - Runes

Runes are a focal point of modern paganism, since they portrait a certain mysticism sought after by many, especially by those of the esoteric variety: Ancient symbols of a long gone ancestral culture, imbued with great symbolism and power. But are they really that laden with symbolism, are they really what many today perceive them to be?

The short answer is No. The biggest problem, in my opinion, stems from the often completely nonsensical usage of runes and interpretations that are not backed by our current scientific understanding of Old Norse culture. So, for starters, I’d like to give a brief history of runes and clear up some very common misconceptions.

A Brief History of Runes

The earliest runes finds that we have are from the 2nd century CE and stem from the area around southern Scandinavia and northern Germania. They are not some genious or gods-given invention, but are rather most likely derived from the latin script, although some scholars still think it might have been derived from the estruscan script. In any event, they are probably, as Düwel suggests, the creation of one or few skilled individuals, that sought to recreate writing for their own culture, while forming their sources into something of their own, from their own culture. Why they didn’t just adapt the latin script is unclear, but some suggest that it might have been to create stronger cultural identity to distance themselves from Rome. In the 2nd and 3rd century, these runes spread first throughtout germanic Settlements in Northern Europe and then throughout the whole of Germania, leaving finds even in my home state of Bavaria. This script was used utterly differently from the way the romans wrote. Whereas in Rome, people wrote a lot of things down, literacy was relatively high for the time – still very low to our standards, but still way higher than anywhere else in Europe -,   literature existed not only in oral tradition, but was also recorded; the germanic people on the other hand used their script only in a epigraphic way, meaning small inscriptions with either pragmatic use: Declaration of ownership, memorials, recording of certain events on public stones; or “magical”: invocation of certain gods, invocation of powers (e.g. writing “fly” on a spear to make it fly farther when thrown), etc., with the magical ones being the earliest examples. (see Alu)

As the Northern Germanic dialects of Proto-Germanic began to form a own language, Old Norse, the runes began to change with the language, though not in a way that makes a lot of sense. While normally alphabets tend to get bigger when new sounds get introduced into a language, the set of runes used got a lot smaller in the Scandinavian region, while the Old English futhorc stayed more like Elder Futhark, while adding some new runes to fit the sounds of the language. The Younger Futhark contains 16 instead of the original 24 runes, with some runes like *perthro having had fallen out of use for at least 300 years because of the rarity of certain sounds, some changing into easier forms, like hagall. The new runic futhark was rather hard to read and still only used epigraphically, but in a greater extend than before, upgrading from around 350 finds for Elder Futhark to around 6,000 for Younger Futhark. Runecarving was a profession, as attested by some stones, and not an easy one, judging by the hard writing rules and by some badly made copies of runestones with nonsensical texts that also date back to the timeperiod – 8th/9th .- 12th century. When texts were written, no runes where to be repeated, even between words since word separators where not the norm. Also, runes articuled in the same region of the mouth were very often left out. To see what this means in practice, let’s have a small lesson in rune transliteration and then translation.

(Source: http://www.megalithic.co.uk/modules.php?op=modload&name=a312&file=index&do=showpic&pid=50955) We’ll take the Side A of the famous Jelling stone as an example. The runes themselves look like this:

ᚼᛅᚱᛅᛚᛏᚱ ᛬ ᚴᚢᚾᚢᚴᛦ ᛬ ᛒᛅᚦ ᛬ ᚴᛅᚢᚱᚢᛅ ᚴᚢᛒᛚ ᛬ ᚦᛅᚢᛋᛁ ᛬ ᛅᚠᛏ ᛬ ᚴᚢᚱᛘ ᚠᛅᚦᚢᚱ ᛋᛁᚾ ᛅᚢᚴ ᛅᚠᛏ ᛬ ᚦᚭᚢᚱᚢᛁ ᛬ ᛘᚢᚦᚢᚱ ᛬ ᛋᛁᚾᛅ ᛬ ᛋᛅ ᚼᛅᚱᛅᛚᛏᚱ (᛬) ᛁᛅᛋ ᛬ ᛋᚭᛦ ᛫ ᚢᛅᚾ ᛫ ᛏᛅᚾᛘᛅᚢᚱᚴ

When converted to latin characters, they look like this.

haraltr : kunukʀ : baþ : kaurua kubl : þausi : aft : kurm faþur sin auk aft : þąurui : muþur : sina : sa haraltr (:) ias : sąʀ * uan * tanmaurk

This is not Old Norse, or any language at all really. We need to apply our knowledge of the runes and the way they were written to get to Old Norse text. A first step would be, for example, to realize that voiceless and voiced consonants were not differentiated when written, so we need to apply some Old Norse language to these words and see what could be the words meant. After a while, you will get something like this, if you speak Old Norse:

haraldr kunugr bað kaurua kubl þausi aft gurm faður sin auk aft þąurui muður sina sa haraldr ias sąʀ uan danmaurk

This looks quite better, let’s continue! Now we look at names, that we might recognize. We know the stone was set by King Harald Bluetooth, whose parents were names Gorm and Þorvi, so we realize, that ᚢ can be u, but also o, as can ąu. ᚢ can also stand for w/v, (double u). So the text looks like this now:

haraldr kunugr bað kaurua kubl þausi aft gorm faður sin auk aft þorvi muður sina sa haraldr ias sąʀ uan danmaurk

After this, some hard Old Norse is needed: kunugr is konungr (n left out because of the g, which is articulated in the same position), kaurua is gørva, kubl is kumbl (m and b are articulated at the same position, the lips), sin is sinn (masculine form), muður is móðir, ias is es (vowels are rather randomly put in most inscriptions, as there was not uniform writing standard), saR is sér, uan is vann, danmaurk is danmǫrk. Auk is ok, since vowels are often weird in Old East Norse inscriptions. Also aft is aftr Adding lenghts, the full sentence is now:

Haraldr konungr bað gørva kumbl þausi aftr Gorm, faður sinn, ok aftr Þórvi móður sina. Sá Haraldr es sér vann Danmörk.

This means: King Haraldr bade to construct this memorial after (in honor of) Gorm, his father and Þórvi, his mother. (It was) this Haraldr, that had won Denmark for himself… (the sentencce continues on the other sides of the runestone.)

In conclusion, the runes were never (apart from one attempt in the middle ages to write laws down like that, but it didn’t catch on, see Codex Runicus) used in a traditional, literarical way, but were rather a way for some elite class of runemasters and local rulers to record stuff, mark ownership or use “magic”. Full disclaimer: I don’t go into everything and focus strongly on Scandinavia, since I didn’t want to write a full novel. If you’d like to know more in depth, please refrain from using popular, often wrong sources, especially on the internet, and instead look at books from the likes of Düwel: Web Archive: Rune Bibliography.

Runes today

When you look at runes in the modern age, many people attribute a lot of things besides their names to them, but let me be clear in this:

A whole lot of these interpretation are based on NOTHING but the writers imagination.

There are very few things we know for certain: We know the names of the runes from Old Norse and Old English rune poems from the late middle ages, which were written down in christian times, making these an uncertain source since runes had been out of use for a long while by then. From these names, we can reconstruct the names of the Elder Futhark, but we know nothing for certain in that period. We know that they most likely knew the names of the runes and used them seldom as placeholders for words, e.g. ᛟ as short for *othala, meaning estate, heritage, inheritance. Beyond that, we have no sources as to what runes were associated with. While the edda contains some references to runes, it is hard to attribute certain meanings to specific runes.

What does this mean for modern paganism? It means that most of what is “taught” about runes today is just flat out fantasy with no basis in tradition, with runes being treated like magic, while ignoring their historic background. While I don’t personally believe in magic, I don’t judge those that do. What I do mind is passing of some New Age interpretation of these runes off as some ancient wisdom, while those interpretations aren’t even 200 years old. If you see meaning in these symbols beyond what we know about them, if you feel they represent something bigger, I will not discourage you, I even think so myself, but please keep in mind, that this is your interpretation and not something based in what we know about the ancestors.

There is a lot of misinformation disguised as truth out there, and I highly encourage you to stick to scientific, modern sources when trying to learn about runes. I leave you with the pagan sounds of Sowulo and bid thee farewell, until next we meet. Verið blessuð. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLK0WNnzTY4

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 49

(To listen, click here) - 14:13

Levi’s not so sure he’s ready to have feelings with everybody.  Last time, he’d just written a short response to Dominique’s own feelings and shared it with her.  It’s hard to open up like this.  To build up his trust in other people.  To let them close even though they really might let him down.  Disappoint him.  Hurt him even, but at least, not on purpose.

The pile of S’mores on the table looks inviting.  Levi sticks close to Jesus again, in case he needs to keep feeling like nobody’s about to force him to eat a S’more when he doesn’t want to.

“Anybody wanna share a feeling?” Dominique asks, when it’s clear that Jesus isn’t going to say anything.

And, maybe because it’s Dominique and she’s sitting on the other side of Levi right now, and he remembers being able to share with her things he couldn’t share with anybody else, Levi offers:

“The S’mores are making me...I don’t know...suspicious?” he admits.

Dominique raises her eyebrows but doesn’t comment.  Seems like they all might be waiting for Levi to say more.  Eventually he can.  

“Maybe because...I don’t know...they seem like...you know how parents always caution kids - sorry Jesus and anybody else this might apply to - but like, “Don’t take candy from strangers?”

Beside Levi, Jesus stiffens, but offers, “Or rides…”

“Or do favors…” Dominique comments cynically.

“Amen,” Pearl says, raising a hand, even though Levi hasn’t known his sister to be particularly religious.

Francesca just eats her S’more and says, “I am so confused right now.”

“Let’s let Levi finish what he’s saying, and then maybe you won’t be confused anymore,” Mariana encourages.

“It’s just...the S’mores feel...like...the thing that lures somebody?” Levi tries.  “Like the cookies I remember from your mom’s house.”  He nods at Pearl.  “I felt on edge around her, but I loved the cookies.  So…”

“Like bait,” Mariana comments.  “You feel like the S’mores are us...baiting you...what...into a trap?”

“Like...I’m…” Levi tries.  The words stop coming.

Francesca thrusts her hand in the air and waves it around.  “Ooh.  Can I please say all the specific stuff about the S’mores?”

Levi nods.  “Specific stuff would be good.”

“So,” Francesca starts importantly.  “These S’mores are  not a trick.  They’re accommodation food.  And also Avoiders-friendship-food because we all like to eat snacks while we talk.”

“But…” Levi ventures.  He glances at Dominique.  “If I eat one, does that mean I’m obligated...you know...to talk?”

“No,” Dominique shakes her head.  

“A S’more that makes you talk?  That is a trick.  These S’mores are the opposite of a trick.  These aren’t like those other cookies…” Francesca tries to explain.  But Levi can see her thinking, now that she’s mentioned the cookies again.

“Fran?  You okay?” Jesus checks.

“Yeah, I just...had a trauma question but I think it’s rude.” she admits.

“Well, use your judgement,” Dominique encourages.  “Exercise that muscle.”

“I’m really curious, though,” Francesca winces.  “But I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings by asking about hard things.  So, I shouldn’t.  But I don’t think I can keep it in.”

“Who is it a trauma question for?” Pearl asks.  “Remember that Jesus might not feel safe answering a question about trauma today still.  And I also might want to opt out…”

“It’s not you guys,” Francesca reassures.  “It’s Levi.”

“So, maybe, first…” Dominique cautions.  “We make sure Levi doesn’t have anymore suspicions about our S’mores.”

“I do…” Levi manages.  “I can’t help it.”

“Okay.  Do you have questions?” Dominique wonders.

Levi thinks of the poem they wrote together yesterday.  Of his ‘rude boy’ line.  “Is it rude to eat one of these but not talk?  Not answer a question?”

“No,” Mariana says.  “That’s your boundary.  Your right.”

“What about if I don’t wanna eat one at all?” Levi checks.  “And I still don’t wanna share?  Is that rude?”

“Nobody’s gonna force you to eat,” Jesus comments quietly.  “Boundaries aren’t rude.  So, there are three options,” he starts out slowly.  “An option means, it’s a choice.  That any of the three are okay to pick.  Or not.  Number one:  You can eat a S’more if you want, and talk, too, if you want.”

“Do I have to?” Levi presses, feeling like this is super urgent.

“Sorry.” Jesus apologizes.  “I might be going too fast.”

“No...it’s just...the way I am…” Levi sighs, remembering Carla’s words from the video she sent him.  All the mud everywhere.  Him in a robe that she wore usually, probably when she was all naked.  Gross.

“Okay the West sibs need a feelings break,” Pearl says.

Levi scoots his chair back.  But he hears Dominique’s voice lowly encouraging Pearl: “Ask him.  Don’t swoop.”

“Right,” Levi hears Pearl self-correct.  “Levi?  Do you need a break?  Whatever you decide is okay.”

He nods and gets up, but Levi has no idea where to go. But Pearl just walks with him until he ends up outside sitting in the grass.  There are some bald spots in it.  Spots that could be really muddy.

When Levi glances up to see if Pearl’s still here, she is.  Just waiting.  Just being with him.

“Sorry. It’s just…” Levi finally starts, then stops.

“It’s just that food feels loaded…” Pearl finishes, understanding.  She lets Cleo off leash and sets her in Levi’s lap.

“It’s good food.  Organized all perfect on a plate.  Like if you eat it, then she has you…”  Levi glances up.  “I’m sorry.”

“No.  That’s totally valid.  It’s why I can’t hear a random kid your age ask for a ride or a favor without losing my breath.  Because even if the two things are in no way connected.  Our senses are very much connected.  So the feeling of seeing a special treat out on the table does feel suspicious.” Pearl affirms.

Levi’s quiet, petting Cleo.  “I didn’t listen.”

“When?” Pearl asks.

“In there.  They were trying to explain and...I was trying to listen but it was like...the words came into my head one at a time.  They went through this sieve one at a time and then they vanished.  I can’t make sense of all of them at the same time.  But if I don’t listen, it’s bad,” Levi tries to explain.

“How is it bad?” Pearl asks.

“Like...it’s just the way I am…  That’s what she said.  Such a little shit.  Never listens.” Levi finds himself parroting back Carla’s words.

Pearl winces.  “She said those things to you?  That being bad is just the way you are?”

“That’s not the part that’s bad.” Levi comments softly.

“Oh, okay.  I’m sorry,” Pearl apologizes.  “I’m listening.  You can tell me the bad part if you want.”

“The bad part is...if I don’t listen...I get in trouble.” Levi ventures, meeting her eyes finally.  

He feels empty.  Hollow.  Just like he did that day.  Whenever the day was.  Back in the Spring-maybe of third grade.  He pets Cleo.  It helps some.

“That really makes a lot of sense,” Pearl nods.

“It does?” Levi wonders.

“It does.  It would be beyond hard to listen to what anyone says if you’ve got proof in the back of your head of the terrible things that can happen if you don’t.  But I’m gonna tell you something, okay?  And it’s 100% safe if it doesn’t sink in the first time.  Or the second.  Or the third.  Because I’ll keep telling you.”

“Okay,” Levi says, wary.  “What?”

“You are not in trouble.  We all love you.  The S’mores are not a trap,” Pearl explains.  Her voice sounds so gentle.  So patient.  So nothing like her mom.

“Can you tell me that in a hug?” Levi asks, hesitant.

Pearl nods and opens her arms.  Cleo climbs from Levi’s lap to Pearl’s.  And Levi leans into the embrace.  Even better, Pearl seems to realize slowing down might help.  She shares each sentence one at a time.  She repeats that he is not in trouble softly, gently, rocking him a little.

“I’m not?” he asks finally.

“What did you hear?” she asks, like she’d love to know.  Like she cares about that stuff.  Like she’s interested.

“I’m not in trouble for not listening?” Levi repeats.

“Yes.  You are not in trouble for not listening.” Pearl insists like she loves him a ton.  “We all love you,” she tells him next, repeating it calmly until he checks with her about that, too.

“But she didn’t?  Right?  Your mom?” Levi asks.  “She didn’t love me and that’s why she could hurt me.  Because you don’t hurt people you love like that…”

“Right.  She didn’t.  But we do.  All of us Avoiders.  We love you.  And we don’t hurt people we love like that.  You are absolutely right.”

Levi relaxes a little bit more.

“And the S’mores?  They’re just S’mores.  Regular old S’mores that Dominique and I melted in the microwave in Frank’s cabin.” Pearl tells him, resting her chin on his head.

“Not a trick?” he double checks.

“No, the S’mores are not a trick,” Pearl tells him.  “You can know that’s true, because you are not in trouble for not listening.  And most of all because we love you.  Tricking people hurts them.  And we don’t hurt people we love,” she explains.

“I think this helps it get in,” Levi admits softly.  Feeling weirdly okay in the long, loose hug Pearl’s giving him.

“I’m glad.” Pearl tells him.

“Thanks for noticing...you know...that I needed a break…” Levi tells her, finally pulling away and wiping his eyes.

“Of course.  I always want to notice when you’re not okay, Levi.  I know I haven’t done a good job of it so far, but I meant what I said about becoming a safe person for you.  I’m gonna keep working on it.”

“You’re doing a good job,” Levi tells her. “Your reaction now is way different than with the cookies…”

“Yes, that was not my finest moment…” Pearl comments ruefully.  “I’ve learned a lot since then.  And I hope to prove it’s sticking for me.”

“Um...now that we’re face to face...is it okay if I tell you again that I don’t blame you...about any of what she did…?” Levi ventures.

He doesn’t miss it when Pearl’s gaze shifts.  When she goes from looking Levi in the eye to looking over his head slightly.

“You can say it…” Pearl manages, clearing her own throat.

Levi hears the unspoken: but that doesn’t mean I’ll believe it.  Still, Levi says it again, aware of just how many times Pearl had to repeat that the S’mores weren’t a trick and he wasn’t in trouble.  That Levi was loved.  Before he could even start to believe her.

“I don’t, Pearl.  I never have,” Levi tells her seriously.  

“Maybe you should.  Of all people, I should’ve known about her.  I should’ve been there.  How can you live with a person for over 20 years and not suspect…?”

“Because people are really good at pretending,” Levi tells her.  “Really good.”

“I wish it never happened,” Pearl says, her voice heavy.

“To either of us,” Levi nods.

They’re silent for a while, before Levi suggests going back inside.  Admits he really does want a S’more. But kinda hopes the perfect stack is messed up by now, or maybe there’s one left they saved for him.

Levi takes a deep breath and walks back inside.  The S’mores plate just has crumbs on it now, and he sits down, dejected.  Pearl hangs around near him.

“Is it okay if I make you a fresh one?  Bring it over for you?” she asks.

Levi glances at her, surprised.  “Sure.  I mean, if you want.  Sorry for bailing,” he apologizes to the table.

“Hey, we all gotta bail sometime,” Jesus comments easily.

Levi finds himself waiting to say more until Pearl comes back by him and drops off a fresh S’more on a paper plate.  She has another for herself, which Cleo really wants.

“So...Francesca...you had a trauma question?” Levi checks.

“I don’t have to ask if it’ll upset you…” she concedes.

“Can I hear it?  And then decide?” he asks.

“Okay,” Francesca takes a deep breath.  “I know it’s none of my business...but you said Pearl’s mom made you cookies that were a trick.  And Pearl, you said how your mom made you cook a whole dinner when you were just a kid.  And that’s the same thing the bad guy did to Jesus.  So...did Pearl’s mom...like...is she...your trauma, I guess?”

Solemnly, Levi nods, taking a bite of the S’more.  “I don’t feel comfortable saying more than that...except that Pearl was moved out.  So she didn’t know about it.  It wasn’t on her, you know, what her mom did.”

“Because we all make our own choices,” Francesca nods.  “Okay, I was just wondering if she’s an unsafe person.  ‘Cause she kinda seemed like it when she was yelling at Pearl that one day.  No offense, Pearl.”

“None taken,” Pearl reassures.  “My mother is definitely an unsafe person.”  Levi watches as Pearl tips her chin.  “It’s time people knew that about her, rather than believing the image she projects.”

“What’s that mean?” Francesca asks.

“It means she’s not a good mom...but she wants people to think she is.  And people believe her.”

“But what about Levi?  People should believe him.” Francesca insists, confused and angry at the injustice.

“Well, we do believe him, don’t we?” Pearl asks.  “That’s six people right there who know the truth about her.  Who believe Levi.”

Pearl meets his eyes.  Nods.

Levi nods back, tears shining in his eyes.

[hockey-jews]

For anyone who wants to learn more about Judaism! Also, kind of a post about how to deal with some Things and Stuff. This is a long post so I’ll put it under a read more for those interested:

This is really for an anonymous message I got that described struggles with things that I think many of us struggle with or have in the past: not being “Jewish enough” in the eyes of other Jews due to your heritage being on the “wrong” side (read; on your father’s side), yet still experiencing antisemitism from goyim. Not learning very much, if anything, about Judaism as a child but wanting to learn more as an adult. Not being comfortable with some traditions or laws of Judaism because you are a) a feminist b) LGBT c) an atheist. Living in a place with few to no Jewish spaces. Not feeling welcome in the Jewish community due to any or all of these things. 

Book recs!

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys reading (or can at least tolerate it) I highly recommend these books! They’re all books that I have either read/started reading/or plan on reading. (Please keep in mind that none of these are Jewish texts such as the Torah or the Talmud and that I do understand the importance of such religious texts but am not recommending them because I feel those are obvious sources of information)

A Bride for One Night if you aren’t familiar with the Talmud, it’s a collection of writings and explanations of Jewish laws and traditions and it’s old as balls. The author of this book, Ruth Calderon, takes a bunch of Talmudic stories and makes them into these wonderful beautiful stories that are easier to read than the original ones from the 3rd and 6th centuries. Even if you don’t know anything about the Talmud this book is so fascinating and fun to read. 

The G-d Who Hates Lies is literally perfect for you if you have issues with how women are viewed and treated in the most traditional sense of Judaism. It’s a really great criticism by people who are extremely qualified to make those criticisms (both are rabbi’s and I think they both have doctorates in theology, specifically Modern Orthodox Judaism, which makes for a really cool viewpoint). I can’t find anything about the third author of this book, who is a woman, but it’s comforting to know that a woman had a part in this as well. Obviously these people love Judaism, they just want to see it adapt to modernity. Just in general it’s a really thoughtful book that challenges dogma. 

Jewish Literacy was recommended by an anon (thank you!) The rest of the title is “The Most Important Things to Know about The Jewish Religion, Its People and Its History” so like. Ya get what ya see here folks. HOWEVER I did see a review that mentions there is some Islamophobia and hostility towards Jews who are antizionist. It does genuinely look informative and I haven’t read it myself so I can’t attune to whether or not that review is accurate, but maybe be cautious if you read this in knowing that the author may not be objective. 

Book of Mercy made me openly weep and feel something tender and weird in my heart and like. Okay so it’s not informative so much as it’s a book of poetry by Leonard Cohen (he was Jewish if you didn’t know!) He calls his poems “modern psalms” and honestly this would be a good read even if you aren’t religious at all because his writing is just so gorgeous. But it does have references to Judaism and his identity as a Jew 

Understanding Judaism is really a “building blocks” kind of book to me, if that makes sense? It’s really informative but also really basic and is fantastic for people who know very little about Judaism or just want a well presented understanding of the core aspects of the Jewish religion. Even if you aren’t a Jew who’s looking to learn or someone who is considering conversion it’s still a good book if you’re interested in world religions regardless of your faith or lack thereof. (man I’m starting to sound pretentious lmao I just mean like, if you’re an atheist or Catholic or whatever, it’s pretty interesting and also this guy is kinda dorky-funny so it makes for an easier read than some other books about religion)

Shmooze I think this is meant to be more for a group to read an discuss, and like, also maybe meant for a younger audience (I’m talking about teenagers so not really that young, but if you’ve been reading dull infodumps by 90 y/o Jewish rabbis with doctorate degrees this is gonna be a change of pace lmao) I should mention that I’ve only read like two pages of this book because I saw it at Barnes and Noble and just kinda briefly checked it out so I don’t know a ton about it but it stuck in my head and the reviews look positive so 

Obvious I don’t think you have to read all of those because I haven’t even read all of those so maybe just check one of them out if it seems like it could be helpful to you. 

Judaism here on tumblr dot com:

Okay so like. This is really my personal diced onion so take it however you will but keep in mind that this really only reflects things I’ve come across and how I feel. 

Obviously there are a lot of really great blogs about Judaism but I don’t have any specific ones to recommend I’m sorry :O I really really hate ~Discourse~ and like, in-depth arguments about the Holocaust because I get so wrapped up in it and let’s be honest, tumblr is all about the discourse and ignorance. That being said, I like to follow other people who are Jewish and blog about whatever because that usually leads to safer discussions and also is a great way to find really helpful thoughts and discussions by other Jews about topics like being LGBT, being a woman, being an atheist, etc. These are just nice to read and also if you aren’t familiar with certain Yiddish or Hebrew terms that are commonly used it’s a good way to see how and when they’re used in certain contexts. 

I’m going to tag anything like this that I post here as “good info” just so me and anyone who wants can find this stuff easier. No they won’t necessarily have anything to do with hockey. 

Also please be very careful when you’re reading a post that is presenting certain things as facts, always double check what someone is saying because misinformation is spread so quickly, and it’s almost always unintentional. The things that I find genuinely helpful/safe/fun involve opinions, common feelings and experiences, little personal stories and jokes, cool stuff like that. 

I’m Jewish on my father’s side :0

Me too boo. Unfortunately that’s an unending discussion, and one that is often held by matrilineal Jews and doesn’t actually include patrilineal Jews, nor does it consider our thoughts/feelings/experiences. Without sounding like an idiot, it is absolutely buckwild to me that there are people who have been raised Jewish, have never known anything other than Jewish tradition, have been subject to antisemitism, but still aren’t considered Jewish. 

And then this is where I see matrilineal Jews who hold this viewpoint bring up Reform Judaism, which is one of the three main branches of Judaism and does recognize patrilineall Jews as Jews. I’ve seen some discrepancy as to whether or not patrilineal Jews had to have been raised Jewish in order to be considered Jewish. This is all well and good for Jews like me whose family practices Reform Judaism, but for patrilineal Jews who wish to practice in an Orthodox or Conservative synagogue, it gets tricky. 

Basically, yes this is a huge topic that inspires a lot of disagreement, and that sucks, but here’s what it comes down to. No one else is allowed to make you feel inferior because of your heritage. So many people, even modern Orthodox Jews, recognize that certain aspects of Judaism need to adapt to today’s society. I don’t want to offend anyone here, but I really do feel that most matrilineal Jews who don’t consider us Jewish are extremely hypocritical (for a lot of reasons but mostly like...y’all really follow every aspect of Jewish Law? Like do you really? All of it? Girl do u? Or are you maybe just being elitist). Learning about your heritage, talking about shared experiences, combating antisemitism, these are all things that are fair game for you (especially for the anon who said they were atheist) and going to Shabbat services, praying, participating in holy days. That’s all yours if you want it, bubbeleh. 

Can I be an atheist Jew?

Sure you can! I, personally, am not an atheist so I wasn’t comfortable finding specific resources about this because I don’t really know much about it? It’s fine with me if you’re atheist that’s none of my business, I just don’t want to direct you to a bad source. But yes, many Jews are atheist, many are secular, I’m sure there are many here on tumblr. It’s absolutely okay, Judaism is an ethnoreligion, and while you may experience Judaism different than the rest of us, you’re still a Jew and still belong. 

Here’s an excerpt from a short lil synopsis of Judaism:

These three connotations of Judaism as a monotheistic system, as a literary tradition, and as a historical culture are sometimes viewed separately. For example, there are Jews who see themselves as culturally Jewish, but who are also non-religious or atheist, often identifying more strongly with Jewish “peoplehood” than with traditional understandings of God and Torah. Even so, all Jews would recognize that these three points of reference have shaped and guided Jewish experience through the ages.

Jewish “peoplehood” that they talk about is like. Culture, customs, food, art, history, etc. 

One last little note on this, you’ll hear a lot that Judaism focuses more on actions than on beliefs. This is an excellent article that is pretty short and worth reading that I want to include because I think that even if you don’t believe in G-d or even if you are seriously questioning, the focus on just. Doing good. Actively doing good things and trying to be a good person (I know that’s objective but bear with me) is a such a huge part of Judaism that you can try to incorporate into your life without having to subscribe to any sort of dogma or beliefs that you don’t hold. “Judaism is certainly a faith-based tradition. Belief in G-d is central to our religion. It just isn’t a prerequisite. If you are Jewish, you are so regardless of belief.” 

But I’m a feminist....

As you should be. This is probably another personal statement you gon’ wanna take with a grain of salt, but I think Judaism, especially in the last 50 years or so, has made huge strides in this. Especially Reform Judaism, but that kind of goes without saying. 

Example, my synagogue was founded as a Conservative synagogue. Our website still says we are. I’m not actually sure tbqh, like I said, my family are Reform Jews, and so are most other families in our congregation I think but this is literally the only synagoge for like hundreds of miles so. Anyways our rabbi is female (Rabbi Shaina!) and she does great work, we all love her. She’s really adament on teaching kids that gender shouldn’t keep you from anything, that Judaism is for all Jews, that it should enhance our lives. She wears a tallis, lays her tefillin, and reads from the Torah. 

My point here is that while this isn’t like, the end of misogyny in Judaism as we know it, it’s still a big deal in most religions to have a woman as their religious leader, essentially a position of religious power. For men to accept a woman as a religious leader is not something that is super common in most religions. And we’re like, a tiny congregation over a hundred miles away from anyone else, technically a Conservative synagogue, that’s super loving and accepting of a feminist running our shit... female rabbis are super common and I think it speaks a lot to how we’re progressing as a religion. Reform Judaism is going to be your best bet when it comes to tolerance but knowing that all three of the main branches are progressing, at least with this, is really comforting to me. 

However, that’s an extremely one sided view and doesn’t really show the issue as a whole. This super short article (? not sure) is a bit pessimistic in my mind but presents the other side of things and gives a good explanation of the traditional sources of misogyny in Judaism, so this could further your understanding as well. 

By no means are we perfect but we’re workin on it. Look into Jewish Feminism though, if you have the time. That article is just a lil intro to the topic. 

I’m Q*eer/LGBT and I’m not sure y’all are gonna be cool with that...

Well this one’s a doozy. 

I’ll kick this right off by presenting an article that is objective and does not reflect the author’s opinion, just lays out the issues at hand. It also has some links to other good pieces, including one cool story about a transgender man, Rafi Daugherty, embracing his role as a father and details his experience with pregnancy and giving birth. I should mention that I am cisgender so I’m interpreting this article through a different point of view, but it really does make a point of celebrating Rafi and his daughter and sharing their story. It does include a little cultural background context, but this is a positive story that I think deserves to be shared :) 

Then there’s this statement from the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism that confirms its absolute acceptance and support of LGBT Jews. 

On the other side of things, there are still homophobic and intolerant Jews. Conversion camps were not just a Christian thing, there were Jewish conversion camps as well, which is horrific. Idk what to say because I think homophobia and transphobia in Judaism is really similar to what you would find in Christian settings. 

I’m bisexual and I feel completely welcomed by other Jews who know this about me, and I certainly don’t feel any less Jewish because of it. 

I live in a place where Jewish spaces are rare.

I really hate to disappoint with this one but I don’t have any specific sources or anything like that. Alls I got to say is that’s why the internet is so great? I really don’t feel like that’s helpful at all, but I think for the most part, the Jewish side of tumblr is pretty accepting and welcoming. Obviously that’s not always gonna be true though idkdjaskfl;dj

I spose with this one I wanna encourage anyone who has any good resources for involvement or something like that to reply to this post or drop by my inbox and let me know! Or maybe just your thoughts on some Jewish spaces you’ve encountered? 

I hope this was helpful

In conclusion, don’t let anyone make you feel less Jewish. Your sexual identity, gender identity, and even your belief in G-d doesn’t take away from your Jewishness. I’d like to say that since I started delving into Judaism a little more I’ve found a lot of peace. And yeah that sounds cliche and also vague but it’s really a breath of fresh air to learn about my family and know more about this community. Also if you’re comfortable with or willing to try prayer, even if you’re atheist, it can be a good way to decompress sometimes, a really therapeutic kind of way to voice your thoughts and feelings and reflect on them. 

There’s so much information and culture to delve into but it’s so so worth it to learn and I’m really happy for you that you’re interested in getting more in touch with your Jewish roots. 

If any of these links don’t work and you’d like to see them let me know!

[acekatherineplumber]

Questions! Yay questions!

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Out Tonight (RENT), Tightrope (The Greatest Showman), Candy Store (Heathers), Delicate (Taylor Swift), Gorgeous (Taylor Swift), So Much Better (Legally Blonde)

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Taylor Swift. It would be so nice.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. You will have to pay for excess baggage.

4: What do you think about most? How much cleaning I constantly have to do

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “I once again work until [private information], but I hope you have a great day”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? It depends. 

7: What’s your strangest talent? I’m doubled jointed in three places

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)Girls are wonderful. Boys can choke.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? No.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? No idea.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? I’m afraid of stairs

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? When I was like 5. It was a bead.

13: What’s your religion? Atheist

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Taking a walk

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? I like solo artists more

17: What was the last lie you told? I don’t remember

18: Do you believe in karma? Kind of? I believe that the way you treat people affects how they treat you.

19: What does your URL mean? Katherine Plumber is ace. Fite me.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Perfectionism, passion

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Emma Watson? I just think she’s pretty, but I’m not sure I want to date her because I don’t even know her, and I’m not sure she would like that.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? I have a hot tub, so regularly.

23: How do you vent your anger? I like to vent it through art

24: Do you have a collection of anything? I used to collect state quarters, but nothing current

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Sometimes yes, sometimes no

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate windshield wipers, I love cats meowing

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? Everything is a what if for me

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes to both

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. My earbuds, one of my cats

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? I have a stuffed nose today, so nothing

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Probably my old private school

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? No.

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? Finding and pursuing your own happiness

36: Define Art. Anything that makes you think (except Modern Art, because that is fucking elitist and pretentious and terrible)

37: Do you believe in luck? I believe in making your own through hard work, but sometimes shitty things just happen.

38: What’s the weather like right now? Cloudy, slightly rainy

39: What time is it? 10:07 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, and unfortunately yes.

41: What was the last book you read? The Count of Monte Cristo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it

43: Do you have any nicknames? Yes, but it’s personal

44: What was the last film you saw? The Princess Bride

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I’ve had a lot of bad sprains. Also a concussion.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Bubble tea. Don’t judge me

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Asexual

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? I used to be bullied really badly, so yes

50: Do you believe in magic? Yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes.

52: What is your astrological sign? Leo/Virgo

53: Do you save money or spend it? I try to save it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? A stuffed cat

55: Love or lust? Love

56: In a relationship? Yes

57: How many relationships have you had? Technically 5, but only 2 of them have been really serious

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?No

59: Where were you yesterday? At home for most of the day

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My cat’s nose

61: Are you wearing socks right now? No

62: What’s your favourite animal? Cat

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Honesty and passion

64: Where is your best friend? At her school. She has a summer class. The other one is at work.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. @hoogwoorts @schmackarys, @keepers-quaffles-and-old-clocks, @berrykikwi, and @purplerainbowsrachel

66: What is your heritage? German, English, Irish. Very white.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Browsing the Internet.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last . It’name? I don’t give out the last names of real people.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Yes. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and is actually really healthy. It’s good for anxiety.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I hope so.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? I call someone else over and head on my way.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I would probably wait until my last two weeks to tell people. I would travel. Yes, I would be afraid.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. I don’t trust people anyway, so love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Love Song by Sara Bareilles

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Not giving that out.

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Honesty, kindness, and common interests.

77: How can I win your heart?You can’t! You can have eggs and you can have bacon, but you can’t have Elphie because they are taken!

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes, but it should still be medicated

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Going to London.

80: What size shoes do you wear? 7.5-8

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? I don’t know, but I think it should be in French.

82: What is your favourite word? At the moment? Princesa.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. The color blue.

84: What is a saying you say a lot? It’s amazing what you find when you clean up.

85: What’s the last song you listened to? Delicate

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Aqua

87: What is your current desktop picture? Liberty Leading the People

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Mike Pence. I hate Trump, but Pence is scary and would be harder to impeach.

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Everything that is wrong with my brain.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Run and lock the door.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Invisibility

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Probably the latter half of the first act of Les Mis in London.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? The thing that caused my PTSD.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I don’t really want to do that. I don’t know of trust them.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Berlin.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? No

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Yes

98: Ever been on a plane? Yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Something about education rights for all.

[cwl190]

Week 9

DONIKA KELLY: 

In “Writing and Knowing”, Addonizo and Laux make the point that poets began to write “with the simple idea that what they saw and experienced was important to record, and that the modest facts of their lives... could contain the enduring facts and truths of the larger world” (Poet, 23). In my opinion, what I interpreted from this text is that writing poems isn’t only something that is based on what you know, but can also be used to expand on a bigger idea. Anything that may seem mundane on a surface level can be written into a great poem if made into something people can emphasize with, whether that may be through the senses or something common people share.

In Donika Kelly’s poem “Hermit Thrush”, by describing how white girls covering their legs make specifically the narrator feel better about themselves, Kelly is able to use winter to make a commentary on how societal standards on beauty affect poc such as the narrator. The narrator implies through this that by concealing their skin because of winter, it undoes some of the underlying inferiority the narrator faces due to how they are treated due to their ethnicity. 

I think that this is what Addonizo and Laux wanted to express when they state that poetry is about “bringing forth something that’s inside of you... making something, in language, that can be transmitted to others” (Poet, 22). “Hermit Thrush” is the narrator’s own feelings brought to expression by winter, and minorities that face discrimination may be able to connect with this same feeling. 

ROBERT WRIGLEY: 

Addonizio and Laux’s statement about using imagination to compensate for a lack of experience is an effective tool in writing poems. According to the text “The trick is to find out what we know, challenge what we know, own what we know, and then give it away in language” (Poet, 21). Your inspiration comes from what you experience in your life, whether or not they may be happy, confusing or even troubling. You might not know enough about it, but the point they may be trying to make though this is that although that experience is important in making your writing compelling, it’s the emotions and senses tied into the text that will make the audience emphasize with and believe what you write. 

Meanwhile, Percy puts emphasis on researching every single facet of a topic you’re writing about to be believable. He tackles all his stories as research projects that he takes into his real life, where he’d spend “several days working with the employees, eavesdropping on their conversations, taking notes on the peculiar insider lingo I could never have gleaned from Wikipedia” (146). He places emphasis on embodying what you are writing, and through the experiences he had himself will be able to bring what he knows instead of what he read in. By being there in the flesh, he is able to notice things that may have been looked over on paper. 

In Robert Wrigley’s poem “Machinery,” Wright seems to be a blend of both of these perspectives. The narrator doesn’t know machinery to the extent his father did, and his father doesn’t know poetry the way he did. This results in a weird hybrid of knowledge where Wright knows what all the tools his father uses are called, but he doesn’t know how to make them work: “A fine wood plane but not the thickness planer, which I would not know how to use. A variety of clamps I use to clamp things-needing-clamping clamped” (Wright, 2). Imagination plays a huge part in this, as he begins stringing tool functions in with his own writing so that it functions as a representation of his feelings about his father as well as what he remembers of him. 

EMMA DONOGHUE: In “You and Me,” Emma Donoghue says that for her,  “writing is about the basic thrill of making something out of words that never existed before” (236). She shares an example from her own book about how a “scene begins in a pleasant way, everything green and pastoral—and then we watch as she begins realizing that the bumps of the grass under her feet are not clods of soil, but skulls” (Donoghue 236). She says that “if you give the reader a vivid and concrete image, that will hook their attention, making it easier for them to understand and remember the details longer” (Donoghue, 236, italics mine). For this prompt, connect the dots between Donoghue’s thoughts about “vivid and concrete images” and any of the poems for today.

Donoghue puts the most emphasis on using sensory details in order to convey a type of emotion or idea in your poem. She brings up how she herself has trouble grappling with bigger concepts, so by giving her a visual example of what you are trying to describe, that gives her a better understanding of what is trying to be expressed. Donoghue uses the example of a poem that is largely split between locations: “You think you’re moored, then the next thing you’re sailing again, and then you’re rowing instead of sailing” (235). Donoghue emphasizes that through this, we are whiplashed into location and scenario rather than just being told that there’s a sense of turbulence.

This is used in “Hermit Thrush”, where the narrator does not specifically state how they feels in comparison to the white girls, but through them covering themselves up we are able to interpret the narrator’s insecurities.

SHIRA ERLICHMAN: Connect the dots between Shira Erlichman’s poem “The Knife-Flower” and the craft chapters on “Images” and “The Family: Inspiration and Obstacle.”

In “Images”, the strengths of using sensory details are strongly emphasized in this craft chapter. The mental images we derive from our senses are essential not for just the sake of enhancing the description of things, but the significance they hold when tied with emotions and memories. There is no stronger way to evoke a certain feeling than when you give an object association with something distinct. According to the text, “The poet enlivens his images with the use of color: “gold whirlpool,” “gold sea,” “full of the gold that took him.” Brightness, gold, and sunlight are everywhere. Like the love described, the poem won’t let us go- in one long sentence it takes us into that whirling and shining” (Images, 88). Love is a broad feeling, but it manages to be encapsulated by things that are more tangible due to the visualization given to us. 

In “The Family: Inspiration and Obstacle”, there is a discussion on importance of family on our writing. According to the text, “those closest to us still need to be written about, to be memorialized and argued with and resented and loved” (The Family: Inspiration and Obstacle, 36).  All the positives and negative emotions we first experience are because of our families. It doesn’t have to be detrimentally tragic to be a factor to our inspiration, but family is what introduces us to what we know. 

In Shira Erlichman’s “The Knife-Flower”, Erlichman writes a scenario of the narrator receiving a lily with a stem that pointed into a knife created unpassionately for the sake of a project. In this poem, when returning home for Spring Break, the narrator’s father breaks the knife-flower. The craft essay “Images” ties into this knife-flower because of how fragile it is, much like the slightly strained relationship between father and narrator. It’s been delicately made, and because of the father’s lack of caution, is easily broken. The incident is told in a way that is very matter-of-fact, but the way in which the second half of the poem is presented is in a clumsy, awkward matter that gives us the impression of the familial dynamic between the narrator and their father. Fumbling and falling short at times, but well-intended. The narrator doesn’t seem phased: “Immediately my mouth formed “It’s okay,” even though the break looked dooming” (The Knife-Flower). Although the father is extremely guilty, the narrator seems to have accepted the break for what it is despite their feelings about it. I interpreted this as growing up. The narrator has taken hurt and rejection as a part of life, despite how the parent may try to shield them from it.

HAYAN CHARARA (A): Connect the dots between Hayan Charara’s poem “Mother and Daughter,” one of this week’s chapters from Addonizio and Laux’s The Poet’s Companion, and Benjamin Percy’s “Consider the Orange: Meaningful Repetition.” For Percy’s essay, you’ll focus on the third element: manner of speech.

In Benjamin Percy’s “Consider the Orange: Meaningful Repetition”, Percy describes the significance in repetition isn’t necessarily in the repetition itself, but how it ties into certain themes: “I’m talking about aligning the narrative, creating a sense of structural and thematic cohesion, satisfying the emotional arcs of characters” (159). Repetition can be given a double meaning, used to convey something with more nuance and causing the reader to analyze the text on a deeper level. 

Hayan Charara’s poem “Mother and Daughter” takes this repetition and transforms it into an exploration between the relationship between a mother and daughter. The repetition becomes a mimicry of how daughters adapt behaviors from their maternal figure, then a window into their innermost thoughts and feelings about each other due to the car sinking. I thought the escalation in this was done really well because rather than the daughter remaining as a static mime of her mom, we can see their relationship wasn’t perfect despite the daughter’s admiration of her mother, and yet they still deeply love each other. Addonizio and Laux’s “The Family: Inspirational and Obstacle” is reflected in this work, because the relationship between mother and daughter is the central focal point of this story.

[specialagentfluffstein]

All those asks that you havent answered yet

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal. I’m lactose intolerant so I try to use just enough milk that I’m not eating dry cereal. Dry cereal is a different snack. 

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No. 

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Whatever is close. Usually random coupons. 

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Coffee with creamer, tea on its own. Unless it’s chai. I like chai with oat milk or vanilla creamer.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? I used to be, but now I love smiling for the camera, at strangers, pretty much all the time. But I also spent a lot of time practicing and figuring out how to smile without looking weird when I was 9 and super self conscious. 

6: do you keep plants? Yes! I have a plant that might be a Kalanchoe that I’ve managed to keep alive for a few years, despite always forgetting to water it and 3 butt succulents (living stones). 

7: do you name your plants? Nope. Although I do refer to the butts as “The Butts”.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I write, mostly. 

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes. I tend to sing song if I’m talking to myself.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side.

12: what’s your favorite planet? Jupiter! Even though that’s where boys go to get more stupider. 

13: what’s something that made you smile today? I found some pictures of my mom in college and we look really similar. 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Lots of color. Lots of tchotckes and disney stuff. Jackson Pollock’s Circumcision above the couch.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Jupiter is the fastest spinning planet in our solar system. 

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? Is it pasta? It’s my favorite. Unless it has capers. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Pink!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. So one time my BF and I went on a road trip up the oregon coast and then to Seattle. He was getting tired on our Seattle leg of the journey so we swapped and I drove for a while. I drive a ford and he drives a subaru. We were in the subaru, and I went to put it in drive, but instead turned the windshield wipers on full blast. Out of habit, I pulled down on it, since that’s where the gear shift is in my truck. His is not. I have yet to live it down.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I do! I have a planner for dates and scheduling stuff, a Bullet Journal that I keep my mood tracker and habit tracker and various lists in, a gratitude log, and my ‘write about your day and your feelings’ journal. I just filled my last one, and now I get to start a new one!

20: what’s your favorite eye color? Blue.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have a 5.11 backpack that I used in college, and then used to travel, and now I’m currently using it as my roller derby bag. It’s super versatile. And I can put patches and pins on it.

22: are you a morning person? Yes. Or at least I pretend to be.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Knit and watch TV.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? My counselor. 

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? An old abandoned mansion. I was on a ride along and the cop I was with wanted to check for “juvenile delinquents.”

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My pink double tongue low top converse.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? I feel like there was a strawberry watermelon hubba bubba flavor I loved as a kid, but maybe I imagined it. 

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Pspsps’s at literally every cat they see.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yes. 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I love socks. I’ve knitted myself four pairs, and I love wearing disney socks and I just love socks. 

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. My friends and I are boring old people and we are asleep at 3 am. 

33: what’s your fave pastry? Uhhh.. At this point in my life anything gluten free that doesn’t taste like cardboard. 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? A stuffed rabbit. Their name is ‘ruggy bunny’. It’s made from chenille. I still have them and as a full fledged adult sleep with them (and all my other squishy friends). 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? So. Fucking. Much. I love Sakura Jelly Roll pens and washi tape and stickers and felt tip pens and ink joy pens and I love the crayola Take Note line and anything from The Happy Planner. I love it all so much. 

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? Deee-Lite or The The

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I like keeping it clean. I used to say my room always needed to be Teen Vogue ready, back when Teen Vogue would have pics of some famous girl in her bedroom on the last page. 

38: tell us about your pet peeves! Other drivers. 

39: what color do you wear the most? I usually wear quite a few different colors, especially in the summer.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? My uncle (who’s not my uncle, just a close family friend) bought me a diamond necklace when I was 10, because he said my first diamond shouldn’t be from a boy, so that way it would just be another piece of jewelry, and not my ‘first diamond.’ In hindsight, that was kind of a cool thing to do, because now I don’t feel like I have to keep or get rid of jewelry just because of who I associate it with. If it’s a nice piece, it’s a nice piece. It’s not my first diamond. 

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? Outlander. It’s so well researched, and it’s got political intrigue and smut but I never felt like I was being talked down to or treated like a dumb reader. 

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I do! It’s a local place and it’s got old squashy couches and different tables and big windows. One location looks out over the marina here. 

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My boyfriend.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Not any time within recent memory. 

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes. They’re usually right. 

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. How does NASA throw a party? They Planet!

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Cashews. 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Yes. Getting left behind in the grocery store. 

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I love buying records, I’ve slowed down on CDs in favor of vinyl. I bought Johnny Jewel’s Themes for Television. 

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? Taxidermy and furs. 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Joe Jacksons “Is She Really Going Out With Him?” 

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Anything Baby Yoda. 

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I’ve seen RHPS, and been to a midnight showing. I love it. I’ve also seen Beetlejuice, it’s not my fave, but it’s fun. 

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My boyfriend when we discovered our favorite pho place closed. 

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? Everything I do is a dramatic thing to prove a point. 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughs! I love peoples laughs. 

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? So good. I’ve been drinking, and I sang it quietly to myself with all the voices. 

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? I struggle with this classification of women and the exploitation of the rampant alcoholism among women who are likely suffering from depression in addition to alcoholism. 

59: what’s your favorite myth? That David Bowie had two different colored eyes. And cryptid stuff. 

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I like poetry from the 20th century, and I love slam Poetry. My all time favorite poem is William Carlos Williams’ “This is Just To Say”

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? Both of these can be answered with “Bath and Body Works Body Wash”

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Sometimes! I love orange juice. 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I want to be, when I have the space. My records are in alphabetical order. 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Dark Blue

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? My two besties who are kicking ass and living their best life in South Korea. 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Massive and full of really bright flowers. Sunflowers and carnations and gerber daisies and just so much color. 

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? They make me feel like cuddling by a fire.

68: what’s winter like where you live? Fucking. Miserable. 

69: what are your favorite board games? Monopoly! I also like card games. 

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Nope. I ain’t fucking around with that shit. 

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? Chai, green, and Thai. 

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? Yes.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Popping any joint I possibly can and peeling my nail polish (which is why I will never get gels).

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. They are very tall and do the best John Mulaney impression. 

75: tell us about your pets! I don’t have any. :(  But I want three corgis named Navy Bean, Gerladine, and Jolene. And a pitbull named Korg. 

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? Probably going through my clothes so I can find my Star Wars shirt for Monday. 

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink. I don’t really like lemonade, but I love the pink lemonade lip smackers chapstick I have. 

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Very firmly in the hateclub. 

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My mom made me an advent calendar one year with little makeup things and trinkets wrapped individually and hung from the ceiling. It was so fun.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Sleeping Beauty Castle Pink! One wall has glitter! Yes I did! I love pink and it looks nice with all my bright furniture. 

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. The spine of my copy of The Hatchet. 

82: are/were you good in school? Yes. I was built for the American School System and now that I can’t prove my worth with papers and multiple choice tests I’m kinda struggling. 

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? I love the cover of The Velvet Underground and Nico that Andy Warhol did and the cover of Led Zeppelin III with the rotating art. 

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Yeah! I want a lightning bolt (a la Bowie or The Killers) on my ankle and my sister and I want to get some matching ones of Chuckie Chickenhawk (my grandfather’s event mascot)

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I do, although not as much as I used to. I love Nightwing. 

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yeah! I love Marty Robbins’ Gunfighter Ballads, and of course David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust. 

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Everything except minimalism, and even then I like that a little bit. But I love abstract and pop art. But really I just love art. I love going to museums when I travel. 

89: are you close to your parents? My mom hell yeah!

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I love Seattle. I love the art and how much there is of it! I also have a soft spot for Meeker CO, weird republican little town that it is. 

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Ahahahahahahahaha. Ha. *soft crying*

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? Depends on the pasta dish. 

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? Well when I don’t have horrible too long quarantine hair, and it’s at shoulder length, I like wearing it down or half up. Lately it’s been in a ponytail or a bun. 

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My neighbor turned 30.

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Gonna go roller skate at the outdoor roller hockey rink on Saturday and then go do some shooting on blm land on Sunday. 

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I am a horrible procrastinator. 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ESTJ, Virgo, Slytherin or Gryffindor. On my first pottermore account I got Gryffindor, and then I could figure out my password so I made another one and got Slytherin. 

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? I went hiking two weekends ago and it was awesome!

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. The Killers’ Battleborn, The The’s This Is The Day, Deee- Lite’s Groove Is In The Heart, Panic! At The Disco’s That Green Gentleman, The Avett Brothers’ Head Full Of Doubt/Road Full Of Promise (actually, anything by the Avett Bros resonates with my soul.)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? Why? Five years in the future. Because hopefully I’d be in a more stable place in my life. 

Thanks for Asking!

[seemyshadows]

P0L1Z1STENS0HN - Recht kommt

Translation of German text + explanation of meaning:

[Intro] [bits from news segments about court cases]

Am Landgericht…

At the District Court…

...der verurteilte Massenmörder...

...the convicted mass-murderer...

...hat das Bundesverfassungsgericht...

…the Federal Constitutional Court has…

...der Strafsache wegen Mordes...

..the criminal case of murder…

…der reuelose Killer…

…the unrepentant killer…

…begann heute der Prozess…

…began today the proceedings…

Ich bin das Opfer!

I am the victim!

Und es gibt eigentlich nur einen Satz: Dass man so behandelt wird, wie man in den Wald hineinruft.

And there is actually only one thing to say: That you will be treated in the same way like you shout into the forest [German saying: "What you shout into the forest will echo back in the same way", meaning that you will be treated like you treat others.]

Ich weiß, es ist schwierig! Es ist schwierig, gegen den Strom zu schwimmen. Und die Vorstellung bedeutet auch: Opfer!

I know it is difficult! Difficult to swim against the stream. And this thinking also means: Sacrifice!

[Verse 1]

Jetzt gibt es Treibjagd, ya chara , auf Standspur Kickdown mit GG!

Now there’ll be a battue, Ya Khara [Arabic: You piece of shit], kickdown on the emergency lane with GG [abbreviation of German constitution]!

Beschlossen und verkündet: Hier kommt Kavallerie!

Concluded and delivered: Here comes the cavalry!

Diktaturensohn macht Welle, aber ich fahr’ AGB!

Dictatorship son [Erdogan aka der Irre vom Bosporus] makes waves [double meaning: this is also a reference to [die Welle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wave_(2008_film)/[the Wave](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wave_(1981_film)) meaning that Erdogan does the same shit as happens in that film] but I drive AGB [abbreviation for Terms and Conditions]!

Jurasohn gibt Schelle! Attacke, Anwaltarmee!!

Law son gives you a slap in the face! Attack, lawyer army!!

Schriftsätze ballern wie Fahrradkette in die Fresse

Pleadings bang like bicycle chains into your kisser

und Deine blutet, auf Titelseite Lügenpresse!

And yours is bleeding, on the front page of the fake news! [Lügenpresse: word used by German right wing in the same way as fake news by Trump]

Jurajudo, zehnter Dan, hat offensiv verteidigt.

Law judo, tenth Dan, has defended offensively.

Wer will was von wem woraus? Guck nicht so beleidigt!

Who wants what, from whom, for what reason? Don’t look so insulted!

Bigotte Cucks, lutscht doch Cocks bei Alternative!

Bigot cucks, suck cocks at the Alternative [Alternative für Deutschland, AfD, German right-wing populist party]

ich zerficke Euch bareback mit Judikative!

I fuck you apart, bareback, with the judiciary!

Mein Schutzbereich! Was Widerspruch?

My safe space! [Schutzbereich: German legal term] Whatcha mean “objection”?

Mit kollegialem Gruß: nach Akteneinsicht Kieferbruch!

With colegial regards: broken jaw after access records!

Rule of Law ist P0L1Z1STENS0HN -DNA!

Rule of Law is Policeson-DNA!

Weil nicht sein kann, was nicht sein darf.

Because what may not be cannot be.

Du Einzelfall meinst, Rechtsstaat ist Deins?

You individual case [Einzelfall: used by AfD politicians to downplay open Nazis / Nazi behaviour in their party] believe that you own the constitutional state?

Ah ah, Du Bastard, bist Rechtsstaatsfeind Nummer 1.

Nah, you bastard, you’re public enemy number 1

Guck mal hoch!

Look up!

[Chorus]

Recht kommt. Steht über Dir und lacht.

Justice comes. Stands above you and laughs.

Recht kommt. Fünf vor zwölf per Fax in der Nacht.

Justice comes. Five to twelve, by fax at night.

Recht kommt. Da wackelt das Jabot.

Justice comes. The jabot [part of judge’s outfit] is shaking.

Recht kommt. Verfassungspatriot!

Justice comes. Constitution patriot!

Recht kommt. 0721, Karlsruhesohn.

Justice comes. 0721, Karlsruhe son. [Karlsruhe: location of German Federal Constitutional Court. 0721: phone area code of Karlsruhe.]

Recht kommt. Zivilisation.

Justice comes. Civilisation.

Recht kommt. Das ist Next Level Shit.

Justice comes. That’s next level shit.

Recht kommt. Und alle machen mit.

Justice comes. And everyone takes part.

[bridge] - F. BAUER

Ich glaube es ist eine traurige Wahrheit, dass wir unserem Affenzustand noch recht nahe sind. Und dass die Zivilisation nur eine sehr dünne Decke ist, die sehr schnell abblättert.

I believe that it is a sad truth that we are still pretty close to our ape state. And that civilisation is only a very thin cover that very quickly peels off.

[Verse 2]

K.O. in KA!

Knock-out in KA [KA: license plate abbreviation of Karlsruhe]

Tick, tack, Du Primat, Recht kommt langsam und hart!

Tick, tack, you primate, justice comes slowly and hard!

Recht gewinnt eiskalt wie Stalin Stalingrad!

Justice wins ice cold like Stalin won Stalingrad!

Rickeracke, mahlt Justiz Dich mit Geknacke,

Rickeracke, justice grinds you with cracking noise, [reference to the German fairy tale/poem Max und Moritz ]

prüft weisungsgebunden und legt Dich an als Akte.

Examines - bound by instructions - and files you.

Tipp, tipp, tipp, klack – wer tippt so spät in der Nacht?

tipp, tipp, tipp, klack - who’s typing so late at night?

Staatsanwältin Machete hat Anklage gemacht!

Prosecutor Machete has opened prosecution!

Du bist von oben herab? Dann guck ma nach oben

You’re always talking down on people? Then look up for once

Justice kommt indie-schmindie in zuckersüßen Roben!

Justice comes indie-schmindie in sugar-sweet robes

Hörst Du in der Ferne Purpurponchos rollen?

Do you hear purple ponchos rolling from far?

Instanzenzug in Fahrtrichtung Recht! Normkontrolle!

Train through the instances, right [double meaning] in the direction of travel! Review of norms!

Justiz macht die Mucke, und zwingt Dich zum Dancen.

Judiciary makes Mucke [slang for music] and forces you to dance.

pumpt mit der Power von 1000 Ingo Lenßen.

Pumps with the power of 1000 Ingo Lenßens. [Ingo Lenßen: German TV-lawyer]

Leserattenbande mit ein bis zwei Staatsexamen:

Bookworm gang with one or two state examinations [exams to be allowed to practice law in Germany]

Das wollma dochma sehen! Das schauma uns mal an!

We’ll see about that! We’ll have a look at that! [Typical lawyer sentences.]

Volljuristen fisten Dich bei Tisch, verziehen keine Miene

Qualified lawyers [Volljurist: official term for person with 2 state examinations] are fisting you at the table, without turning a hair

und richten über Dich mit Frikadelle in Kantine.

And pass judgment on you with meat balls [Frikadelle: very German food] in the canteen.

Gruß aus der Küche!

Amuse geule! [Literally: Greetings from the kitchen!]

[Chorus]

JUSTIZIA

Auf die Knie und leck! Hier kommt die blinde Fotze mit der Waage!

On your knees and lick! Here comes the blind pussy/cunt [Fotze: very strong German swear word] with the scales!

Rasier Dich mit Schwert, wenn Du nicht machst, was ich Dir sage.

Shave you with [my] sword if you don’t do what I tell you.

Selbstgerechte Götter pumpen Luft – ok – Steh ich drüber!

Self-righteous gods are pumping air – alright – I stand above that!

Der Geist, der in mir atmet, flüstert: „Nie wieder!!”

The spirit that breathes inside me whispers: “Never again!!” [Nie wieder: Quote from Willy Brandt, former German chancellor who said “Never again may a war emanate from German soil.”]

Eiserne JUSTITTIES! In jeder Stadt steht mein Palast!

Iron JUSTITTIES! [Might be a reference to the iron maiden (Eiserne Jungfrau) a medieval torture device] My palace stands in every town! [Many German towns have a building called Justizpalast]

Ich hol Dich aus der Scheiße und ich schmeiß dich in den Knast!

I’ll pull you out of the shit and I’ll throw you into jail!

Unantastbar! Fuckable! Ich mach’s Dir frei und gleich.

Inviolable! [Reference to article 1 of the German constitution: Human dignity is inviolable.] Fuckable! I’ll give it to you free and equal. [Reference to article 1 of the Universal declaration of Human Rights – All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.]

Liebe und beschirme mir’s – mein Wille und mein Reich!

Love and protect me my will and my realm! [This line has an almost religious ring to it.]

[Chorus]

[Outro]

Recht kommt. Nicht zu viel, nicht zu wenig.

Justice comes. Not too much, not too little.

Recht kommt. Kunde ist König!

Justice comes. Customer is king!

Recht kommt. Und alle stehen stramm.

Justice comes. And everyone stands straight.

Recht kommt. Tarramtamtamtam.

Justice comes. taramtamtamtam

Recht kommt. Und wird exekutiert.

Justice comes. And is executed.

Recht kommt. Und jetzt wird Gleichschritt marschiert!

Justice comes. And now you’re marching in lockstep!

Recht kommt. Attention, mein Freund!

Justice comes. Attention my friend!

Hör nicht was Recht sagt, hör nur was Recht meint!

Listen not to what justice says, listen only to what justice means!

[juggieheadcoopers-blog]

Strange Behavior

Riverdale Fanfiction 

Pairing: Betty x Jughead

Word Count: 1,811

Summary: Betty has been acting strange lately, and her friends are finally starting to notice. Will they figure out that something is going on between her and Jughead? Or will the kiss that they shared remain a secret? 

A/N: This was basically just my way of getting my feet wet with writing these characters, so there’s not a ton of Bughead interaction, but I think what they do have in this is pretty cute. Plus the whole thing is about their relationship, so there’s that haha. Also, you can place this into the canon storyline at this point, or not, it’s up to you. I guess it works either way lol. 

--

Betty swirled her straw around in her strawberry milkshake, unable to stop her lips from curling into a faint smile as her friends carried on a conversation in their regular booth at Pop’s. 

“What do you think, Archiekins? Should I go for the full-on Like a Virgin Madonna look for the dance, or stick to the sultry, Vogue ensemble she wears in the music video that we all know I could pull off in such a big way? You all know the one.” Veronica leaned forward to take a sip from her double chocolate milkshake, a confident smirk twitching upwards as her lips met the straw.

“Totally,” Kevin chimed in from his seat next to Betty, nodding his head in admiration as he squirted ketchup onto his plate of fries.

“Ronnie, isn’t that more of a “Betty” sort of question?” Archie wriggled uncomfortably next to Veronica, looking hopelessly clueless as he tried to meet Betty’s gaze for any sort of assistance. “I’m probably not much help in that department.” 

“Actually, that’s more of a Kevin question,” Kevin corrected him, propping his arms on the table and leaning across the table towards Veronica. “And I totally agree with you pulling off that Vogue lace top, although we might have to make the sheer part of it a little less sheer for school if you know what I mean. What do you think Betty?”

Betty heard her name being called, but all she could think about was Jughead’s hands on her face and the way his lips felt against hers. Her whole body tingled at the thought of it, making her faint smile evolve into a full on grin.

“Betty?” Veronica waved her hand in front of Betty’s face, but when she didn’t respond, a quick nudge to the leg underneath the table caused Betty to finally jolt to attention. “Earth to B!”

“What?” Betty shook her head out of its daze to meet her friends’ curious expressions’ across the booth.

“Is there a boy hidden in that milkshake or are you just on a much-too-intense sugar high?” Veronica raised one eyebrow flirtatiously as she held her hand out to reach for the milkshake. “Either way hand it over, best friends share remember?” 

“It’s nothing, I was just thinking about my next article and-”

“Does it involve bare-chested football players because if it doesn’t, not even you could write an article interesting enough to smile like that, Betty Cooper,” Veronica sat back in her seat and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she waited for Betty to explain herself.

“Veronica’s right, Betty, you do seem a little distracted today,” Archie agreed, his brows furrowing together in concern for his long-time best friend. “Is everything alright at home? Your mom, is she-”

“Archie, I told you I didn’t want to talk about that,” Betty reminded him, picking up the straw from her milkshake and pushing it back in again. “And I’m honestly fine you guys, really. Stop worrying so much.” 

They all eyed her skeptically, but didn’t mention again. Instead, Archie jumped into a story about something that happened at football practice earlier that day until the chime on the door drew their attention to the front of the diner.

“Jughead!” Veronica stood from the booth to wave him over, gesturing frantically enough to cause the table to shake in protest.

Betty’s head snapped up at the sound of his name, causing her straw to plop back into her milkshake, splashing tiny flecks of whipped cream onto the tip of Kevin’s nose. 

“Watch it, Betty, you know what too much sugar does to my complexion,” Kevin whined, snatching a napkin from the dispenser next to him and dabbing away the sugary treat from his skin.

“Sorry,” Betty mumbled, sinking lower into her seat as she heard Jughead’s footsteps coming up from behind her.

“Jughead, thank goodness you’re here,” Veronica announced dramatically, watching as he pulled a chair from an empty table to the edge of the booth. He turned it around so that the back was facing the table and swung one leg over the seat before sitting down. “You’re into the whole super sleuth, Hardy Boys, discovering the cold, hard, truth kind of stuff right?” 

“I always thought of myself as the Philip Marlowe type, but generally speaking, yes, I like to seek out the truth one way or the other.” Jughead leaned forward so that his arms were resting dangerously close to where Betty’s hands were sitting delicately on the table, causing her to suck in a surprised breath as she struggled to avoid his gaze. “If it’ll lead to a good story anyway.” 

“Great, then maybe you can figure out why our dearest Betty over here is acting so strange and giddy lately,” Veronica gestured toward the blonde sitting across from her, all big, innocent eyes, and a faint blush to her cheeks. 

“I would hardly call myself giddy,” Betty protested, shoving her milkshake away from her and crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance.

“You’re smiling from ear-to-ear, you’ve hardly touched your milkshake, and you’ve barely said a word all night,” Veronica pointed out. “There’s definitely a boy involved.”

“Veronica!” Betty wanted to crawl under the table. She wanted to run and hide and never have to have this horrifying conversation ever again.

“No, see I would be able to tell if Betty had a boyfriend, Veronica, because her nose turns bright pink whenever she gets embarrassed,” Jughead reached across the table to pluck a fry from Kevin’s plate and tossed it into his mouth. Betty turned to Jughead for the first time since he walked into Pop’s, self-consciously touching her fingers to her nose and fighting the urge to smile. “And she’ll do that high-pitched giggle whenever she thinks about anything that reminds her of him. Not to mention the thousands of poems she would be sure to write him, with the heart dotted over the “i’s” and the stationary that smells like her perfume.”

“You’re full of it, Juggie,” Betty met his gaze with amused eyes, raising one eyebrow as if presenting him with some sort of a challenge. “I haven’t dotted my “i’s” with hearts since I was twelve.” 

Their eyes locked for a moment, neither of them breathing or moving or acknowledging that anyone else even existed. For those few seconds, it was just Betty and Jughead; everyone else be damned.

“Oh my god.” Veronica’s voice pulled the couple back to reality, its high-pitched shrieking causing them to turn to her in confusion.

“What?” Betty eyed Veronica with a look of both confusion and concern, but it only took her a few seconds to realize that she had figured it out.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” Veronica squealed, clamping her hand over her mouth as her eyes darted from Betty, to Jughead, and back again.

“Veronica, keep your mouth shut!” Betty warned her, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she sat up straighter in her seat.

“Did I miss something?” Archie spoke up for the first time in what Betty realized was quite a while, turning his attention to each of his friends in utter confusion. “What is happening right now?”

“Don’t look at me.” Kevin held his hands up innocently, looking just as lost as Archie. “I haven’t been this confused since our late night viewing of Eraserhead last month.” 

“Betty Cooper, how could you not tell me!?” Veronica turned to Betty with wide eyes. “This is monumental! Ginormous! I mean this is bigger than that surprise sale at Barney’s last spring that lasted a whole-”

“Would you excuse us for a moment?” Betty asked the rest of the gang as she swung her legs out of the booth and grabbed Veronica’s hand over the table to bring her along. 

Dragging Veronica out the door to stand in front of the bright neon sign outside of Pop’s, Betty slowly raised her eyes and reluctantly met her friend’s gaze.

“You’re dating Jughead!” Veronica announced to the empty parking lot, causing Betty to quickly hush her and pull her even further away from the building where their friends were laughing at something Jughead was saying inside. 

“It’s complicated, okay?” Betty explained, biting her bottom lip nervously as she thought of the words to describe her situation. “We’re still figuring things out, but...”

“But?” Veronica prompted her to continue you, but Betty seemed to forget how to speak in that moment and remained quiet. “Don’t leave me to fill in the blanks Betty, cause trust me, I have a wild imagination and will just start assuming things that aren’t true and that, my friend, is how rumors get started.”

“We kissed, okay?” Betty blurted out the words quickly, and the truth of it lingering in the night air seemed to cause her to suck in a nervous breath. 

“Oh my god, this is amazing!” Veronica swooned, reaching out to give Betty’s arm a quick squeeze. When she pulled back, however, she noticed Betty’s face, causing her brows to furrow in confusion. “This is amazing right?” 

“Yes,” Betty said quickly. “I mean, I think so. This is still very new to me, and I’m not really sure what to feel, but I think that I really like him.” 

“Well, if it puts things into perspective for you, the way that he was looking at you just now proves that he really likes you too,” Veronica declared, linking her arm through Betty’s and turning her around to face the window of Pop’s where they could see their friends smiling and having a good time. 

“You think?” Betty tilted her head to the side as she took in the way the top of Jughead’s hat slid slightly off his head as he leaned back to pop a handful of Kevin’s fries into his mouth. 

“Girl, I haven’t seen a stare that intense since my mom got that pair of Louboutin’s for Christmas last year,” Veronica assured her. “He’s got it bad.” 

Veronica looked up at the blonde standing next to her. Bright eyes, slight smile, nervous hands twisting in front of her. This was the look of a girl falling in love, even if the girl herself didn’t quite know it yet. 

“And I think you do too,” Veronica nudged her softly, causing Betty to look from her, to the booth in Pop’s, and back again. 

“You know what Veronica?” Betty turned to her friend, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. “I think you’re right.”

{Requests are open!!}

[dfroza]

Today’s reading in the ancient book of Psalms and Proverbs

for february 17 of 2020 with Psalm 17 and Proverbs 17, accompanied by Psalm 59 for the 59th day of Winter and Psalm 48 for day 48 of the year

[Psalm 17]

A David Prayer

Listen while I build my case, God,

the most honest prayer you’ll ever hear.

Show the world I’m innocent—

in your heart you know I am.

Go ahead, examine me from inside out,

surprise me in the middle of the night—

You’ll find I’m just what I say I am.

My words don’t run loose.

I’m not trying to get my way

in the world’s way.

I’m trying to get your way,

your Word’s way.

I’m staying on your trail;

I’m putting one foot

In front of the other.

I’m not giving up.

I call to you, God, because I’m sure of an answer.

So—answer! bend your ear! listen sharp!

Paint grace-graffiti on the fences;

take in your frightened children who

Are running from the neighborhood bullies

straight to you.

Keep your eye on me;

hide me under your cool wing feathers

From the wicked who are out to get me,

from mortal enemies closing in.

Their hearts are hard as nails,

their mouths blast hot air.

They are after me, nipping my heels,

determined to bring me down,

Lions ready to rip me apart,

young lions poised to pounce.

Up, God: beard them! break them!

By your sword, free me from their clutches;

Barehanded, God, break these mortals,

these flat-earth people who can’t think beyond today.

I’d like to see their bellies

swollen with famine food,

The weeds they’ve sown

harvested and baked into famine bread,

With second helpings for their children

and crusts for their babies to chew on.

And me? I plan on looking

you full in the face. When I get up,

I’ll see your full stature

and live heaven on earth.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 17 (The Message)

[Psalm 59]

A David Psalm, When Saul Set a Watch on David’s House in Order to Kill Him

My God! Rescue me from my enemies,

defend me from these mutineers.

Rescue me from their dirty tricks,

save me from their hit men.

Desperadoes have ganged up on me,

they’re hiding in ambush for me.

I did nothing to deserve this, God,

crossed no one, wronged no one.

All the same, they’re after me,

determined to get me.

Wake up and see for yourself! You’re God,

God-of-Angel-Armies, Israel’s God!

Get on the job and take care of these pagans,

don’t be soft on these hard cases.

They return when the sun goes down,

They howl like coyotes, ringing the city.

Then suddenly they’re all at the gate,

Snarling invective, drawn daggers in their teeth.

They think they’ll never get caught.

But you, God, break out laughing;

you treat the godless nations like jokes.

Strong God, I’m watching you do it,

I can always count on you.

God in dependable love shows up on time,

shows me my enemies in ruin.

Don’t make quick work of them, God,

lest my people forget.

Bring them down in slow motion,

take them apart piece by piece.

Let all their mean-mouthed arrogance

catch up with them,

Catch them out and bring them down

—every muttered curse

—every barefaced lie.

Finish them off in fine style!

Finish them off for good!

Then all the world will see

that God rules well in Jacob,

everywhere that God’s in charge.

They return when the sun goes down,

They howl like coyotes, ringing the city.

They scavenge for bones,

And bite the hand that feeds them.

And me? I’m singing your prowess,

shouting at cockcrow your largesse,

For you’ve been a safe place for me,

a good place to hide.

Strong God, I’m watching you do it,

I can always count on you—

God, my dependable love.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 59 (The Message)

[Psalm 48]

A Psalm of the Sons of Korah

God majestic,

praise abounds in our God-city!

His sacred mountain,

breathtaking in its heights—earth’s joy.

Zion Mountain looms in the North,

city of the world-King.

God in his citadel peaks

impregnable.

The kings got together,

they united and came.

They took one look and shook their heads,

they scattered and ran away.

They doubled up in pain

like a woman having a baby.

You smashed the ships of Tarshish

with a storm out of the East.

We heard about it, then we saw it

with our eyes—

In God’s city of Angel Armies,

in the city our God

Set on firm foundations,

firm forever.

We pondered your love-in-action, God,

waiting in your temple:

Your name, God, evokes a train

of Hallelujahs wherever

It is spoken, near and far;

your arms are heaped with goodness-in-action.

Be glad, Zion Mountain;

Dance, Judah’s daughters!

He does what he said he’d do!

Circle Zion, take her measure,

count her fortress peaks,

Gaze long at her sloping bulwark,

climb her citadel heights—

Then you can tell the next generation

detail by detail the story of God,

Our God forever,

who guides us till the end of time.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 48 (The Message)

[Proverbs 17]

Wisdom’s Virtues

A simple, humble life with peace and quiet

is far better than an opulent lifestyle with nothing

but quarrels and strife at home.

A wise, intelligent servant will be honored above a shameful son.

He’ll even end up having a portion left to him in his master’s will.

In the same way that gold and silver are refined by fire,

the Lord purifies your heart by the tests and trials of life.

Those eager to embrace evil listen to slander,

for a liar loves to listen to lies.

Mock the poor, will you?

You insult your Creator every time you do!

If you make fun of others’ misfortune,

you’d better watch out—your punishment is on its way.

Grandparents have the crowning glory of life:

grandchildren!

And it’s only proper for children to take pride in their parents.

It is not proper for a leader to lie and deceive,

and don’t expect excellent words to be spoken by a fool.

Wise instruction is like a costly gem.

It turns the impossible into success.

Love overlooks the mistakes of others,

but dwelling on the failures of others devastates friendships.

One word of correction breaks open a teachable heart,

but a fool can be corrected a hundred times

and still not know what hit him.

Rebellion thrives in an evil man,

so a messenger of vengeance will be sent to punish him.

It’s safer to meet a grizzly bear robbed of her cubs

than to confront a reckless fool.

The one who returns evil for good

can expect to be treated the same way for the rest of his life.

Don’t be one who is quick to quarrel,

for an argument is hard to stop,

and you never know how it will end,

so don’t even start down that road!

There is nothing God hates more

than condemning the one who is innocent

and acquitting the one who is guilty.

Why pay tuition to educate a fool?

For he has no intention of acquiring true wisdom.

A dear friend will love you no matter what,

and a family sticks together through all kinds of trouble.

It’s stupid to run up bills you’ll never be able to pay

or to cosign for the loan of your friend.

Save yourself the trouble and don’t do either one.

If you love to argue,

then you must be in love with sin.

For the one who loves to boast is only asking for trouble.

The one with a perverse heart never has anything good to say,

and the chronic liar tumbles into constant trouble.

Parents of a numskull will have many sorrows,

for there’s nothing about his lifestyle that will make them proud.

A joyful, cheerful heart brings healing to both body and soul.

But the one whose heart is crushed

struggles with sickness and depression.

When you take a secret bribe,

your actions reveal your true character,

for you pervert the ways of justice.

Even the face of a wise man shows his intelligence.

But the wandering eyes of a fool will look for wisdom everywhere

except right in front of his nose.

A father grieves over the foolishness of his child,

and bitter sorrow fills his mother.

It’s horrible to persecute a holy lover of God

or to strike an honorable man for his integrity!

Can you bridle your tongue when your heart is under pressure?

That’s how you show that you are wise.

An understanding heart keeps you cool, calm, and collected,

no matter what you’re facing.

When even a fool bites his tongue

he’s considered wise.

So shut your mouth when you are provoked—

it will make you look smart.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 17 (The Passion Translation)

[literaphrenic]

6 Easy Steps to Publishing Your Poetry

1. Forget your fear

The best way to publish poetry is to forget your fear of rejection. The first step to having your work published is to call yourself a poet and be proud of it, whether or not you have previously been published in the past.

Most poets are not going to be published the first time they nervously submit their work to a magazine. Meanwhile others who have had initial sucess may hit a string of rejections and begin to doubt their abilities and identity as a poet. Here is where the old adage ‘the first step to achieving is believing' comes in.

You are a poet right now. Today.

Believe it.

2. Research the Magazine you are Submitting to

One way to wrack up the rejection letters is to submit to any old magazine calling for submissions without taking the time to read what they have published in the past.

Once you find a magazine you are considering submitting to, make it a rule to read some of their past issues and then compare those poems to your piece. This will give you a good a good eye for what does and does not stand a good chance of being accepted to that magazine.

After getting a feel for what they like to publish, reread your poem and compare them. Your work must be viewed in the context of the magazine or website as a whole. Is the piece going to clash with the style and tone of the magazine? If the answer is yes, it doesn't mean your work is unpublishable, simply that you have the wrong audience. If you like to write free verse, don't bother with a magazine which publishes exclusively haikus. Spend your energy and effort submitting to a magazine with a similar style and voice to yours. Or get inspired by it and write a haiku!

3. Always Explore

There are many, many free online literary journals out there with top knotch work. One of my favorite ways to find these smaller journals is to look at the short biography of a poet who I already admire, especially if my work runs in a similar vein to theirs. Generally they list a few places they've been published and I add these to my list of magazines to research.

Another way to find journals is by following their blog or newsletter, if they have one. Its becomming more common for literary magazines of all sizes these days. Often you'll find them mentioning other magazines, opportunities for poets, and you'll always know when the deadline for a contest is approaching.

Submittal is another great place to explore. I always look forward to their weekly newsletter in my email and their website is constantly updated with the latest call for submissions.

4. Read and Adhere to the Guidelines

This should be a no brainer, but often great work isn't even looked at when the guidelines a magazine sets out arent carefully followed.

I treat the guidelines kind of like a rubric from back in high school. Before submitting, I make sure my work is getting the best chance possible by double checking the guidelines. Of I'm unsure about any of the guidelines, I will either contact the magazine to clarify or mention the uncertainty in my cover letter.

5. Write a Master Draft Cover Letter

Each cover letter should be specifically tailored to its audience, but much of the structure stays the same between cover letters so I keep a master cover letter with the basics and then make it specific to my audience. I like to take a friendly tone, quickly introduce myself by name, and immediately thank them for their time and the consideration of my work.

Some magazines want your biography in the cover letter, which makes it easy, but refer to the guidelines before copying and pasting. If they want a seperatr biography, sometimes I'll let them know a llittle bit about me and any credentials I might have.

I usually use the next paragraph to introduce the titles of the poems I'm submitting. Your whole submission should be clearly outlined by the cover letter.

Usually that's it.

Cover letters set the tone for your work. They are your first impression. Whoever is reviewing your poems will probably be reading your cover letter right before they dive into your work. A long winded, typo-filled cover letter addresses to the wrong magazine can really distract the audience from the poems, putting you at a disadvantage right from the get go.

6. Submit it!

Now you're ready to submit!

I like to keep track of places I have submitted to and when I can expect a response so that I don't have to wonder or go digging through old emails later on. This helps me to keep organized and helps motivate and encourage me at times.

Most places will tell you how long to wait before contacting them to follow up on your submission. Unlike getting a job, it doesn't help to check in with them every day. If anything, you might get rejected simply out of annoyance. Magazines get a lot of submissions. So do your best to be patient and let them take the time to fully consider your work.

On the other hand, if it is past the outlined timeframe for consideration, it is okay to send a polite inquiry to check up on your submission. .

…

These suggestions are what helped me get my first poem published, and my second, and my fifth. The real key is to invest time and energy not only into your writing, but into getting your writing out there. Publishing a poem is a whole different process than writing the poem, Make sure your cover letter is as carefully crafted as the poem. Take the time to read the submission guidelines with the same attention that you hope your work will be read with. And once again, forget the fear and get excited about it!

[rachelbracewriting-blog]

Letters to a Young Boy, From His Mother

My son,

Happy birthday, my love. You’re two today, and I know you won’t be reading this quite yet. But I want you to have a present from me for every birthday. That way you can always look back and have a history of presents. So that you can know you have always been loved.

I love you. That’s the point of this first letter, more so than all the others. Because that’s all you can understand right now. You won’t understand anything else until you are older, but all babies can understand and recognize love. I remember reading somewhere that babies can recognize their mom’s heartbeat, at least. You can’t hear my heartbeat, but I want you to recognize my love.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears (because they’re my favorite, but I would still give them all to you).

My son,

Happy birthday, my love. I can’t believe you’re already five. It probably would have felt like no time at all to me, if I had been there. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. I want you to know I would have given the world, I would have given everything, to be there for you. I hope your family loves you, that you feel safe and loved every day of your life.

These letters are so that you know you are loved, even if maybe they don’t seem like enough sometimes. I think some love is better than none. But I love you no matter what. No matter how many tantrums you throw, or nights of sleep I would have lost, I would and do love you. Nothing can stop that.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.

My son,

Happy birthday, my love. You’re growing up so fast. Eight years old, and you’re becoming a young man. Don’t forget to enjoy this time, though. Take time to be a kid, to try new things and make friends whenever you can. I remember having a friend that was just my playground friend. I would see her every so often at the park near my third foster house. I think her name was Hannah. I would get so excited whenever she was at the park when I went, and we would have so much fun, running around and pretending the jungle gym was a pirate ship. I never saw her anywhere else, she was just my playground friend. The point of this is, make all the friends you can, because it doesn’t matter how often you get to see them. It matters if you have fun and like being around them.

The more you practice making friends, the easier it gets. No matter how often you move around, or how often you may have to change families, it helps to have friends wherever you go. I don’t know if you ended up in foster care, but I know it can be tough, so if you did, this is my advice. It didn’t matter how many new families I had when I was little, because I could always go to school or the park and make friends, ones who would be sad if I left, and who would get excited when I was there. They will make you feel loved, and they will make whatever struggles you may face easier.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.

My son,

Happy tenth birthday, my love! Double digits are very exciting. I wish you one awesome birthday, two giant candles (a one and a zero, duh!), three birthday wishes, four layers of cake, five stacks of smiles, six fabulous presents (or more, more is good), seven days just about you, eight years with the same family, nine pounds of love, and ten people who you know love you.

Perhaps you have started to realize by now that people get meaner the older they get. This is because middle school is coming and everyone is trying to practice so they don’t get left behind. Not really, but that’s how it feels, I remember. But it’s because they are sad, or lonely, or just don’t feel good enough. There is something about school and life in general that teaches kids that they matter less than grades or than adults. Never believe that. You are wonderful and important. There is nothing about you that people should be able to make you be ashamed of. This is one of the great secrets of middle school: if you act confident and sure of yourself, other people will follow your lead and think you are confident and awesome. Looking back, I realize that this is why some kids were liked by everyone. There is always at least one person who is kind to everyone and is confident in themselves, and no one bothers them. I wish I had known that sooner, because I always thought the way to fit in was to change myself for others. It was never worth it.

Don’t let anyone talk down to you ever. Stand up for yourself, but don’t be mean about it. Be confident, not a bully. You should respect adults because you think they deserve respect, not because they think they deserve respect. You know when something an adult does is wrong, and I want you to know you don’t have to let them do that to you. Tell someone who can fix it, another adult who you trust. Other kids don’t count, because there isn’t anything they can do. There is no reason an adult should ever be allowed to treat you unkindly, or hurt you, or make you feel unsafe. Whether that is a teacher, parent, or other adult, they don’t have the right to make you feel lesser. Ever.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.

My son,

Happy birthday, my love. You’re thirteen and probably feel all grown up. Maybe you are. Sometimes life forces people to grow up before they are ready. I always felt so much older than everyone else my age. If this is true, take today to be silly, and childish, and run around the room with a towel around your neck pretending to be a superhero. It sounds ridiculous, but it’s really fun, I promise.

Do you like superheroes? I did at your age. I wanted to be Wonder Woman so badly. I saved all my chore money and the coins I found on the ground to buy Wonder Woman comics, and I collected all the posters I could find in discarded magazines. My Wonder Woman paraphernalia were the only possessions I carried from home to home besides my clothes. She stayed with me through everything, and I wanted her to be real so she could rescue me. Maybe you don’t have a favorite superhero, but you probably have someone. An author, an actor, a teacher. I want you to know it isn’t silly or childish to hold onto someone that makes you feel hopeful.

If I could give you anything this birthday, I suppose it would be hope. That’s my present to you. I found this poem by Emily Dickenson called “Hope is the Thing with Feathers” during my first year in college, and I think you would like it. At the time, it felt like she had somehow reached across time and written something just for me that was everything I needed. I don’t remember enough of it to put it in this letter, but you can probably track it down somehow.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.  

My son,

Happy fifteenth birthday, my love. You are just starting high school, and that’s scary. Remember to be yourself and only hang out with people who make you feel good. Also, remember that grades matter (sorry to add more pressure). So much of your future could be determined by where you go to college. I never thought about this, and it nearly ruined me. I barely got into college and I scraped by on bits of financial need scholarship, because I didn’t qualify for any of the extra academic scholarships. I know it’s the last thing you want to hear right now, but it will matter someday. I don’t want you to be held back from your dream because you didn’t think about how high school grades will affect it.

You probably think about girls or boys or both. So I’m going to give you the Mom Speech. This may be the first thing that is easier in letter format than face to face, since this will be less awkward. And don’t skip this part please; I never got one of these talks and years later I really wish I had. Treat people right. Don’t value them because they are pretty or easy. Neither of those are reasonable things to build a relationship on. And it will end with both of you hurt. It isn’t worth it. Don’t tell them they are ugly or stupid or any other hurtful thing. And no matter how much someone hurts you, you don’t automatically get to hurt them back. I could have used this one. I was so desperate for love, but I had no idea how love worked. I always ended up reacting to every hurtful thing someone said by lashing out. It’s a recipe for disaster, because very few relationships can be fixed after you shatter them out of spite. Words last far longer than bruises. The pain from bruises seems more obvious, but they fade with time, while words take root in your brain and never leave. I still remember every hateful thing people in high school said to me, but I don’t remember exactly how much it hurt when people hit me. I don’t even remember every time I was beat up, but I remember every time I was bullied. Respect people’s boundaries. Don’t ever pressure someone into being more intimate than they want to be. Don’t let anyone pressure you into being more intimate than you want either. They have the power to say no and so do you. This goes for other things too. No one can force you to smoke, or do drugs, or to drink alcohol. If they try, they aren’t the kind of people you should be hanging out with anyways. It was a casual friend of mine who first offered me marijuana, and who pressured me into using it. I was so desperate to fit in and have friends that I went along with most of the things they wanted, which is, coincidentally, the best way to get hurt. People take advantage of you when you make it clear that they can.

That being said, don’t be afraid to fall in love. Just because giving your heart to someone means they have the power to hurt you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. I wish I had been given this advice. I closed myself off from people by the time I was your age. I had very few friends, and those I did were mostly in-class friends. I never ate lunch with people, and I only occasionally saw people outside of school. Don’t do that. Its lonely and miserable and leaves you feeling cold and empty. Human interaction is important.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.

My son,

Happy seventeenth birthday, my love. I don’t know if you find this birthday overwhelming, but I did. Seventeen felt so scary, and I’m not sure why. Maybe being so close to adulthood. I know everyone is probably pressuring you to figure out your life, and what you’re going to do for a living. Ignore them. Go to college and find yourself there. No one in college actually has any idea what they are doing in the beginning, so don’t feel like it’s a waste to go simply because you don’t know what you will study. Or go to a trade school. Or get an apprenticeship. If that’s what you’re interested in, pursue it. College may not be for you. I had a neighbor once who became a mechanic instead of going to college. A few years later he was working at the military base nearby as their head mechanic. Try new things. Meet new people. Explore your interests before choosing. Don’t pick something for the money it can make you. Pick something you love. Do something that causes your heart to sing and makes you want to get up in the morning.

I was going to get a degree in social work. I wanted to work with young kids in the foster care system and help them create a better, brighter life. It was silly and fanciful and I would make practically nothing. But it’s what I wanted. I want that for you, a dream job that you’ve always thought was impossible and silly, but that you couldn’t forget about. People told me for years that I couldn’t do it, that I didn’t have the grades or the drive to get through college. Someone even told me that I was too broken to help foster children, because they needed a person to fix them, not reflect their broken pieces. But despite every time someone convinced me it was stupid and to forget it, the dream always came back.

Someone once said that we go to college to make a difference and help people, and that its okay if we just save one person. It’s okay if that person is yourself. This is so important. Save as many people as you want to. But also save yourself. I was going to college to save myself, but I needed to save others in order to do it, which may not make a lot of sense. I never felt like I was worth saving; I’d internalized what people told me in the foster care system. I thought I didn’t matter. But I wanted to matter, and I didn’t want anyone else like me to feel broken or useless. So I decided to save others, because in doing so I would have a purpose. The point is, that saving yourself doesn’t have to make sense to other people, and it doesn’t have to be directly about saving yourself.

You can have such a bright future ahead of you. You can be anything you want, do anything you want. The only limit is your imagination. I know people say that all the time, but it’s true. You can only make it as far as you dream. If you dream yourself into something small, that’s what you will be aiming for and that’s not really where you want to be. Dream bigger than life, bigger than people tell you to. It isn’t big dreams that fail people, its small ones.

I love you to the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.

My son,

Happy eighteenth birthday!!! You’re an adult now, which feels strange, the same age as me.

I know you’ve probably wondered about me, where I am, what happened to me, why I wasn’t there. I didn’t put it in the previous letters, because I wasn’t sure you were old enough. You probably were, but age sometimes feels so subjective, so I decided to wait. I didn’t know if you had been aged by your life or if you were able to be a little naive and young like you should have been. But you’re an adult now, and I guess that probably means you are old enough for this. Or at least that you deserve to know this by now. My story might look a bit like your own. I hope it doesn’t. I was in and out of homes in the foster care system until I was sixteen. I hope you were adopted by a loving family, that you never worried about when your foster parents might get sick of you, where your next meal was coming from, and whether you were loved. I hope these letters helped with the latter. It may have seemed like a lie, you may have wondered how someone who never really knew you could love you, but I do, I do love you. You are my son, the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and it would be easier to learn to breathe underwater than to stop loving you.  

I never chose to give you up for adoption because I didn’t want you. People may have told you this, may have told you I didn’t want you. They are wrong. I wanted to raise you more than I have ever wanted anything. But that wasn’t something I could do, and I am so sorry.

I am writing you these letters from a hospital bed. I want you to have something from me, no matter how small that something is. I want to be a presence in your life, even though I’m not there. I really wanted to be there.

My name is Charlotte Travis. It’s the name I was born with, and I never married, so it’s the name I died with. I’m leaving instructions to be buried in the cemetery behind the old town church in Ouray, Colorado. I wasn’t born there, and I never lived there, but the hospital I am in is near that town. I saw the church on my way through a few weeks ago and thought it was beautiful. It’s not a bad place to stay forever. It’s so peaceful, and I’m glad it will be my first real home. I think it’s as good a place as any to put down roots.

I was back in the hospital you were born at, three weeks and three days after you were born. I had been feeling chest pain and shortness of breath since you were born, but I thought it was the high altitude. I couldn’t afford to go to the hospital again, so I ignored it. I collapsed while walking on the street and woke up in the ER. The doctors told me I had broken heart syndrome. It’s normally very treatable, but I didn’t seek treatment when the symptoms started. There is permanent heart damage and I don’t have very long to live. I don’t get to raise you and it’s all my fault and I’m so sorry. If I had just gone to the hospital when the chest pain started, I would have gotten to know you. But I put money over making sure I could be a healthy mom for you, and I don’t know if I can forgive myself. I don’t know if I can ask you to forgive me.

I was so worried that you were going to be born with some sort of defect, that you would be stillborn or live only a few hours or something equally as horrible. I thought a foster parent’s smoking habit or the drugs I dabbled with when I was sixteen would have affected you. I was so afraid that my past was going to impact your future. So when the doctor told me you were healthy, absolutely and perfectly healthy, I cried. I had never been so relieved, and I guess it literally broke my heart.

I gave birth to you four weeks and five days ago. It was September 27th and snowing. It seems so strange for fall, but it’s fitting, for a mountain town. It’s the first time I’ve seen snow more than three inches high. It’s beautiful. It’s so cold and yet so much like a blanket. I’d never understood the idea of snow as a blanket, but it makes sense now. I hope you can visit here someday in the winter, this beautiful, crystal world you were born into.

I know I won’t be able to raise you, and that not only can I not give you the childhood and love I wanted to, but I might be giving you the exact same fate I had. I’m trying to be positive, because maybe you did get adopted by a family that loves you. But I spent enough time in the system to know it doesn’t work that way. So I’m trying to guide you, to teach you and love you in case the parents you had didn’t. I bounced around the system for years, never staying in one home for more than 18 months before they sent me on to someone else. I was too volatile for some to handle, or a bad influence on their biological children and thus too dangerous to keep around. No one ever realized that my behavior came from desperation for human connection and a home. I never felt safe, and I never felt loved. I want something better for you.

I hope you are dreaming big, that you are building yourself a beautiful life. That you are pursing the career you want, that you are falling in love, that you are taking chances. Go bungee jumping or skydiving or something crazy like that. I personally have always wanted to go zip lining. The idea of zooming along through the sky always sounded like the closest I would ever feel to being Wonder Woman (I’m still obsessed with her, in case you are wondering). Take a road trip, camp under the stars, tell the pretty person in your class that you like them. Don’t let life pass you by, because there is no guarantee you will have all the time you want.

Smile, because the world is breathtaking. Somewhere out there, someone is getting married, a child is being born, people are falling in love. There is just as much happiness in the world as there is pain. And maybe there wasn’t for me, but there can be for you. And one day that someone can be you falling in love, getting married, doing something you believe in. Even if your childhood wasn’t great, or even if it was, the future is as wonderful as you make it.

My son, my angel, I love you. To the moon and back, more than life, a million red gummy bears.