#doctor who crack

[roxannepolice]

They'd bond.

[neptune-scythe]

No one:

The master: I got drums in my head and they won't go

[queenmeriadoc]

Me in Doctor Who: Whose horse is that?

[korixae]

been made a purchase

[yelsapo]

"It was the wrong anagram" needs to be added to the list of dw lines that sound arbitrary on their own but are absolutely HORRIFYING in context

[zephyrchama]

Water Wrinkles

Seven demon brothers sat solemnly in a circle around you. You did your best to ignore them. It wasn't often that you got to spend time at the human world villa, and you were intent on soaking up as much sun as you could before returning to the Devildom.

You reclined your beach chair back, crossing your arms under your still-wet hair. It was a gorgeous day. Perfect for being at the pool.

Leviathan let out a muffled sob. As the demon with the highest affinity for water, he blamed himself.

"Let us take you to a hospital," Satan insisted for the tenth time.

"They're going to laugh us out of the ER," you nonchalantly repeated.

Satan lowered his eyes and muttered, "I couldn't find any traces of a curse in the water... So how...?"

Asmodeus had his head in his hands, unresponsive. Sometimes his fingers curled around the ends of his hair. You briefly glanced over to make sure he didn't pull his hair out - that would be grounds for a real emergency.

"I can't bear to watch. Lucifer, do somethin'," Mammon whined. He was fidgeting all over the place and winced whenever he looked at your feet.

The oldest glared at you. You knew it was out of concern, but his fears were unfounded. Even Lucifer refused to listen to reason when he thought you were in danger.

"Actually, yeah. Lucifer, can you pass me a towel?" you asked. It was embarrassing having seven shirtless demons intensely staring at you. If they wouldn't let you go back in the water, maybe covering up would make you feel less self-conscious.

Lucifer didn't move. It was Beelzebub who plucked a spare towel off his younger twin and handed it to you with a shaking arm. He looked like a wet puppy, having been the one who first discovered your "condition" and swept you out of the pool.

Belphegor hadn't gone in the water that day. He only hogged the plush towels because of how comfortable they were and, following Beelzebub's lead, dumped them all onto your chair. Now he sat, wide awake. He was anxiously squeezing a loose chunk of concrete but at some point, without realizing, it got crushed to powder in his hand.

You had more than enough towels now.

"In half an hour you're going to forget this all even happened," you said to reassure the worry warts.

"In half an hour, you might be gone!" Mammon snapped back.

"You're going to be a wrinkled mess of skin and bones," Asmodeus weeped quietly.

Leviathan pressed his hands over his ears. Though, with nothing to cover his eyes he was forced to look at your wrinkled hands again. Based on the noises he was making, you'd think someone was torturing him.

"As I've said!" you reiterated. "All humans get wrinkly in water. Look, now that I'm drying off it's going back to normal."

Beelzebub grabbed your ankle, raising it for the brothers to observe at eye level. "I don't see a difference."

You didn't expect the sudden manhandling and slunk several inches down the lounge chair while the demons stared at your foot. Kicking and twisting your leg was futile. You modestly crossed your free leg.

"I think it's getting worse," Satan said.

"We need to take action," Lucifer decided.

Asmodeus was actively quivering now. Belphegor and Leviathan had crept behind you and started picking at your wrinkly fingers. You tried to swat them away to no avail.

"Give me 25 minutes! Literally! Probably even less, this will go away on its own! I just need to dry off."

"We need a solution now," Mammon asserted. The cogs in his brain were turning. "We need fire."

You tried to sit up, to jump up and stop Mammon before he burned the whole villa down in an attempt to dry you off, but Beelzebub had not let go and you stumbled. You grazed your knee on the concrete and winced.

A second round of panic overcame the demon brothers. Beelzebub let go, Lucifer picked you up, and Belphegor wrapped your knee with every available towel he could lay his hands on. Asmodeus and Leviathan were crying on each other's shoulders. Mammon came running back, oblivious to the second disaster that just occurred, with a flaming stick in his hand that Satan tried to keep at bay. If you got burnt on top of everything else, they'd probably go insane and destroy the human world.

In the midst of the chaos you caught a glimpse of your hand. It was practically dry. You couldn't even see the wrinkles anymore. You angrily wiggled in Lucifer's grasp as various hands fussed over you.

"Stay!!" you shouted over the clamor.

The brothers went tumbling to the ground, save for Lucifer who fought to stay rooted in place. You could finally hear yourself think again. There was primarily one thought on your mind.

"I just want to go swimming."

[starlessmistake]

The Doctor & "Would you fuck your clone?"

[truebluewhocanoe]

-5, 10, 11, and 13 are knocked out almost immediately in the fray -3 picks up and bodily throws 2 (KO) -7 is taken out by the tag team duo of 9 (brawn) and 8 (biting onto him so hard as to latch on and weigh him down) -1 and 12 duke it out, 12 gets the upper hand but 3 comes in and bonks their heads together (double KO) -6 jumps 9, 6 wins due to superior sensory offenses -4 and 8 engage. 4 calmly places 8 on top of a very high shelf. 8 falls off, bumps his head, and loses his memory (KO) -3 takes a Venusian Aikido fighting stance as 6 approaches. 6 mirrors the stance, and they circle. 3 then breaks his stance and swiftly kicks 6 in the crotch. (KO) -4 uses the opportunity to grab 3 with his scarf and attempt to choke him out. 3 frees himself, and one awkwardly angled karate chop to the shoulder is somehow enough to knock out 4.

3 wins!!!

[causalityparadoxes]

Rtd said: oh you want me to fix canon?

And then took a literal novelty sized HAMMER to it

[nobleriver]

DOCTOR WHO | Forest of the Dead

[stewy]

Martha’s eyes prickled with tears, but she forced them away, taking charge. "OK then," she said, "I’ll make some sparks for you!" On a wild impulse, Martha pulled the Doctor towards her – and she kissed him.

And suddenly there was a light in the darkness of his mind, a blazing bolt of honey-gold colour. Strong and powerful, glittering like a tiny sun. He felt a shudder of fear ripple through the Clade web, and the Doctor grinned.

"You know who that is?" he demanded, new strength returning to his thoughts. "That’s Martha Jones. You tried to destroy her and you failed. You tried to use her against me and you failed."

THE DOCTOR & MARTHA JONES in DOCTOR WHO (SERIES 3).

[roxannepolice]

Eleventh Doctor's subconscious deciding his next face: I'm going to look like the man I saved from the fixed point of Pompeii, to remind me that my duty is to help, first: do no harm, every life is valuable. Fifth Doctor's subconscious deciding his next face: That one random guard was cute, tee hee.

[astrhae]

-- "I really do remember, though. Every second with you."

[queenmeriadoc]

Me: Why do you feel the need to lick things?

The Doctor: I just do it to exam it, I need to know what it is. Besides you licked that one painting!

Me: That was different, that was a Van Gogh.

[olympain]

Don't laugh!

[secondhandgasstove]

im starting a compilation