#do you wanna think about how yasha had never had anyone care about her like that EVEN with so little time they technically spent together

[yashley]

favorite yasha/jester moments: C2E69

[suzukiblu]

Fic Writer Meme

Tagged by my dear @dancinbutterfly, and like, obviously I will take any excuse to talk about writing.

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1) how many works do you have on ao3?

168, although a few of those are podfics that the podficcer credited me as a co-author on. Actually less than I would’ve expected, tbh.

2) what is your total ao3 word count?

1,431,989. Honestly also kinda less than I would’ve expected at this point. I will blame all those old fics I never brought over from LJ and ff.net for this expectation.

3) how many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

I literally cannot tell you, the ancient ways have been lost to me. I can give you my Ao3 fandoms, though!

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Overwatch

The Witcher (Netflix)

Young Justice (Cartoon)

Animorphs

Star Wars

Good Omens

Venom

Fantastic Four

Leverage

League of Legends

Daredevil

Supernatural

Care Bears

World of Warcraft

Spider-Man

X-Men

Slender Man Mythos

Additionally, long ago: Naruto, Gundam Wing, Digimon, Ranma ½, Bleach, Inu-Yasha, and many scattered other fandoms of my youth. So, so many others. So I’ve written for 25+ fandoms, at least.

4) what are your top 5 fics by Kudos.

a mark, a mission, a brand, a scar (13004)

I once started out to walk around the world but ended up in Brooklyn (8450)

it’s a long way forward (so trust in me) (6965)

oh don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me (6818)

if the bad times are coming let ‘em come (5362)

5) do you respond to comments?

Not really these days, though I hoard and treasure them like a freaking DRAGON. I used to respond to all of them but sometimes I’m just not around and then it becomes awkwardly late to reply and also they kinda . . . pile up a bit. I do try to answer all the comments with questions in them, at least, as long as the questions aren’t literally spoilers or anything like that.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t usually write super-angsty endings, I think? I don’t FEEL like I usually write super-angsty endings, anyway, at least not these days. I think I did it more often when I was more into, like, drabbles and shortfic. Now I just spend way too long on stuff to give it a downer ending.

The most recent angsty ending I can think of is wanna hold him, maybe I’ll just sing about it, though eventually I did write a sequel to that to soften the blow a bit. And also torment people a bit. Both, technically. Technically both.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

blondes really do have more fun, definitely. It’s very . . . giddy, I guess? What with the gender euphoria and all. There’s angst and heavy emotions in the actual plot but the highs of the happy parts/ending are probably the highest/happiest ones I’ve written, and Supergirl gets everything she wants without having to compromise or give up anything else.

8) do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I write fusion fic more than crossovers, really, but I have written a LOT of fusion fic. Some of it has been weirder than others, tbh, but probably the Avatar: The Last Airbender/Animorphs fusion that I have been lovingly slaving over deserves to be this answer if only for how much extremely sincere effort I have put into it over the years.

9) have you ever received hate on a fic?

Mild hate, but occasionally. I don’t really tend to remember negative comments, tbh, though it does sometimes make me not want to reread the comment section I know they’re in. But a lot of the hate I’ve gotten in the end just seemed like socially-awkward people being unnecessarily blunt instead of just hitting the back button, so I try not to take it personally. Can’t please everyone. Don’t WANT to please everyone, frankly.

10) Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, and the kind is “a lot”. Sometimes I don’t really feel like it but definitely I have done a lot of it. I try for Feelings and also to be safe, sane, and consensual as much as I can.

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

I . . . am not sure? Though probably, after being at this for all this time. Someone once told me that someone picked up a fic I’d (at the time) abandoned and just started writing/posting more of it without asking or telling me about it, but I never actually found said fic and I don’t know if that technically counts as “stealing” anyway.

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times, yup, it’s pretty gratifying! I also like to run them back through Google Translate and see what they say, haha.

13) have you ever co-written a fic before?

yoooo @dancinbutterfly, @rainnecassidy! Also done it with a few other people long, LONG ago, but that was back in the LJ era. Don’t think I’ve technically collabed with anyone else lately, although sometimes people will give me ideas for stuff I’m writing or offer suggestions when I’m stuck on a thing, which is very helpful.

14) what’s your favourite ship?

Like . . . per fandom? ‘Cuz we could be here a while. Most recently it’s Jaskier/Geralt, for a while it was Aziraphale/Crowley, DEFINITELY for a while it was Steve/Bucky . . .

You know, I guess technically my all-time favorite ship is actually Naruto/Sasuke, because I made a LOT of friends in Naruto fandom and it actually hugely influenced the end of my teenage years and beginning of my adult life and so, SO much of my writing. So like, if nothing else it wins on influentialness.

15) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Let ‘Em Come. @rainnecassidy and I wrote that AU a long-ass time ago now and I never did my half of the sequel fic because I got too distracted with another longfic I was working on at the time and then took a real long fandom break. I always felt kind of bad about it because people seemed to bother her for said sequel more than they bothered ME for it, since her fic was the last posted part. Unfortunately I just don’t have the spoons or the MCU-focus for the research and effort it’d take anymore. Also, like . . . it’d probably be pretty long, so unless I was REAL obsessive about it it’d take a good long while.

Basically I think its time has just passed at this point, alas.

16) what are your writing strengths?

Sex, action, snark, and weird fusion fics. Also making people love things they usually hate, that’s one I get told a lot.

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

Fitting physical descriptions of . . . literally ANYTHING into the story. Just, anything. Physical descriptions are hard.

18) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I try not to do it, personally, because I know soooooo very little about other languages. Sometimes I’ll sprinkle in a little bit of it, but usually I feel like it’s better to avoid it, personally.

19) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

I literally could not even tell you. The first fandom I REMEMBER writing proper “fic” for was . . . Ranma ½, I think. I thiiiiink. But that was a long-ass time ago and I never even posted it anywhere because those were the days when I despised typing things up beyond all measure, hah. And before that I remember writing Animorphs . . . comics? Storyboards? Something like that. Kind of a cross between the two.

20) what’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I do not know! There’s really just too many, tbh. Some top options are you found me when no one else was looking, best friends means you get what you deserve, clay kids, Avamorphs, handmaiden!Anakin, oh don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me, and . . . and I could go on for a dang MINUTE, honestly, haha, I’m just gonna stop myself here before I get too carried away.

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I tag whoever happens to be reading this that wants to be tagged; have fun with it!

[peach-the-owl]

I think you not going to like this,74 and 87. But hear me out. child cries realize that it old group of the child after seeing the remain of child's old group. saying child fault after leaving the old group behind. But for Nein, they tell child the old group give their life to let child live. A burial for old child group, telling old group real goal, is see child a better future with new family they found. Yeah my English not good, but hope you like this. Try Destiny 2 Journey vocal 2 for this

It is done! So, I think I get idea, but I also decided to add in some creative liberties of my own, so to speak, because it’s the spooky season and who doesn’t love trauma! May have overdone it a little, idk but it was a fun ride. I hope it was worth the wait 😁

WARNING: This is gonna get a little graphic

Carry On

Mighty Nein & Child!Reader

74- Why are you crying? 87- It's my fault this happened.

You met the Mighty Nein several months ago when you were but a lone wanderer, concerned for a lost child they took you in hoping to help find your family. You told them that while you were traveling your family had been attacked by a strange looking group of gnolls, at least that’s what you could remember anyways. As you journeyed along you recognized the route you were taking, this was the same road you’d last saw your family and an eerie sense of being watched crept into you.

"We should be careful around here." You say huddling closer to Jester in the cart, she puts an arm around you and gives you a kind smile.

"Hey don’t worry about it, we’re always super careful." You wanted to believe her, but you’ve been with them long enough to know that wasn’t always true. The sound of rustling foliage catches everyone’s attention as these creatures that looked like gnolls jumped out and attacked.

It was like déjà vu, the long track down the road, assurance that things would be just fine, the rustling leaves that lead to an ambush it was exactly like what happened last time. Everyone sprang into action, while you were left in the cart trying to calm yourself, you look over and notice one of these gnolls was staring at you like it knew you somehow. You duck away from view and grab your weapon to defend yourself, the cart shakes as the gnoll jumps onto it and lets loose a cackle, something sounded off from the usual laughs gnolls normally made though. Even stranger is that it doesn’t attack you right away either, instead it grabs ahold of you before you can take a swing at it and covers your mouth to stop you from calling for help, it then proceedes to carry you deeper into the forested area. You can hear the shouts and sounds of battle grow fainter the farther in you go, you struggle and manage to wriggle free of this things grip and book it in the direction you could only assume you came from. Not looking where you’re going you trip on a tree root jutting out of the ground and stumble into a clearing, the area smelled rancid and upon looking around you could tell why. Bodies littered the area some more decayed then others, all of them twisted and mangled into strange positions, you could feel bile raising to your throat and had to physically stop yourself from vomiting.

"Isn’t it a beautiful sight? Such wonderful art." That voice, you knew that voice. Turning your head you see the "gnoll" remove its headpiece revealing a man underneath.

"Mr. Roland? You did this?" It was shocking, horrifying even to think that someone your family had once trusted would do something like this.

"Now don’t fret child, instead why not marvel at my latest masterpiece." He gestures towards something, you fearfully look over eyes widening and body trembling at the sight. Bloody bodies twisted beyond their limits with bones jutting out every which way, dried organs draped around arms and legs like they were fancy decorations, some of their faces were pinned up to look like they were smiling while others still held looks of agony. These people, this "masterpiece" was your family or what remained of them anyways.

"We… we trusted you." The words came out so fast and shaky making you wonder if you even spoke them at all.

"And it was a wonderful choice, just look at how amazing they turned out, in fact I should be thanking you." You give him a confused look. "You see if it wasn’t for your family doing everything they could to help make your escape I wouldn’t have this masterpiece at all. Perhaps I should let you flee again, after all you’ve brought me more people to work with and what a colourful bunch they are too." Your breathing hitched, this was because of you? They were like this because of you, and now the Nein were next… all because of you. Tears streamed down your face, vision blurring as the weight of the situation pressed down on you.

"Oh dear child, why are you crying?" He sounded as though he was mocking you now and as much as you wanted to look away or run you find your body having become unresponsive to your thoughts. When he speaks again his voice sounds as though it’s circling around you from all directions. "Could it be you feel left out? Well if that’s the case… I’ll be happy to have you join them!" You were too distracted to focus on his words or hear the loud thud along with a grunt of pain from behind you.

"Come on kid we gotta go!" Whoever was talking now you couldn't place their voice, still stuck on the horrific imagery that was now burned into your brain, it wasn’t until you felt hands on your shoulders did you finally react with a flinch. The sight of crimson eyes and lavender skin help readjust your focus. "Hey, hey, hey! Look at me kid, there’s no time for that we gotta go, now!" Legs shaking you slowly get up, only to stumble when you try to walk. With a swift motion Molly picks you up and dashes away from the clearing, your breathing was heavy and your head still felt a little hazy after what you just saw but you were still able to focus enough to see Roland give chase after you, a large slash wound across his chest and abdomen. Even with the nasty wound he still managed to gain on you, panic filling every part of your body the closer he got.

"B-be-behind you!" You managed to give a warning and with another swift motion your placed on the ground, hearing the sound of metal clashing before turning to see Molly blocking Roland's attack. You were able to see the road from where you stood but still found it hard to get your body to do what you wanted, feeling as though you frozen in place, so you did the only natural thing left that you could do…

You screamed.

Curling yourself into a ball, squeezing your eyes shut and covering your ears you let out an ear piercing shriek, soon gentle arms pick you up making you once again flinch on reaction but the calming voice that follows eases your worries a bit.

"It’s alright (y/n), you’re going to be okay." Fjord brings you out of the tree line and sets you down into the cart. "Wait here, I’ll be right back." You reach for him as he disappears back into the forest, slowly you lower your arms once again curling up into a ball for any sort of self-comfort, letting tears cascade down your face as the situation fully sinks in.

"It’s my fault this happened. They all died because of me, now I’m gonna lose two families." You sob to yourself thinking only of the worst outcome, so wrapped up in your own world you weren’t sure how much time passed, maybe a minute, maybe an hour you didn’t know anymore. The feeling of something soft and fluffy nudging against you pulls you from those negative thoughts, slowly uncurling yourself to see Frumpkin butting his head against your hand asking for attention. You place the cat onto your lap brushing your hands through his soft fur, looking around your eyes land on Caleb standing a few feet from the cart giving you a empathetic look, had he heard you? It’s not long after the rest of the group emerges from the forest, some of them looking more roughed up then others, most notable being Yasha and Beau.

"So anyone know about that creepy ass clearing?" Beau blurts out, getting a few glares from the party as she realizes her slip of the tongue. "Umm… sorry, the question still stands though."

"M-mr. Roland called it his art." You say it quietly, but still loud enough for them to hear.

"Who’s Mr. Roland?" Jester questions, with a curious tilt of her head. You explain to everyone how he was supposedly a friend to your family, helping with jobs and looking after you and your siblings when your parents couldn’t, and finally how when your family had been attacked several months ago you had thought he was aiding you in the fight.

"No one survived, except for me… they all died because of me." You hug Frumpkin closer to you as fresh tears streamed down your face.

"That’s not true-"

"How do you know!" You shout at Fjord, cutting him off and immediately feeling guilty for doing so, you still continue but softer. "He said it himself that they all died while I was running away."

"They died because you ran away or to help you run away?" You snivel as you think about it again, but it was still hard to focus on your own thoughts. There was, however, one thing on your mind that kept taking priority over all else you just weren’t sure if they’d all agree, better to ask now then never though.

"Can-can I ask you all to do something for me? It’s ok if you don’t wanna, but I was wondering if we could maybe… go back and give them a funeral, or something." As you spoke your words fade to a soft whisper, feeling embarrassed by the request, resorting to hiding your face in the fur of the cat still trapped in your arms. The party talks amongst themselves while you try distracting yourself by playing with Frumpkin's paws.

"Hey." Looking up you see Veth in front of you offering her hand for you to take, so readjusting Frumpkin you take it as she leads you off the cart again and back towards the tree line. While your walking she keeps her hand firmly in yours. "I know this must hard for you, are you really sure you want to go back and see the… aftermath?" Was it not for the situation you’d find it almost funny how despite being about the same height she still acts very motherly to you, or maybe it wasn’t that funny at all, either way you knew what you wanted to be done.

"I’m sure, I don’t want them to be left here as a crazy mans 'art project' they don’t deserve that and I…" You pause, the words catching in your throat. Veth gives you a few gentle squeezes for reassurance to continue, after a minute you find your words again. "I want say goodbye properly. Is that dumb, does that sound dumb?"

"No no, it’s not dumb at all, in fact that’s very brave of you. Some grownups don’t even have the nerve to say goodbye, so just know I’m proud of you for that." You give her a small but genuine smile. By now you had made it back to the clearing, and with some deep breaths you step into it see the rest of the Nein having already dug some holes in the ground to act as graves. The bodies of your family and other poor victims who fell prey to Roland already being placed in some, Caduceus being the one instructing everyone on the proper procedures. It took a few hours so by the time they finished burying the bodies the sky had turned to dusk.

"Is there anything you’d like to say?" Caduceus asks you softly, as if his words could shatter you if he wasn’t careful. You open your mouth but find it to be a struggle to think of something to say now, having been put on the spot in front of everyone trying to force any sort of sound out to no luck. Your face slowly turns red at the feeling of embarrassment that washes over you.

"I have something to say to them if that is alright with you." Caleb says, looking to you as if to ask permission, you tilt your head a little in confusion but nod. He steps forward and clears his throat. "I may not have known them, but if (y/n) is an example of their kindness and acceptance of others, then I can understand why they would do anything to keep them alive." He turns and gives you a gentle smile, you faintly return it.

"It always hurts to lose someone you love, but if I can learn not to let that chain me down and accept love from others again then you can too." Yasha surprised you with her sweet words but there was something uplifting about them that you couldn’t help but raise your smile at.

"My turn! Ok… may the Traveler bless your souls for sending us this sweet little child to call our own, ummm… that’s all I got." Jester pipes in, bringing a sort of joy to cut down the lingering tension, it almost makes you giggle.

"As a mother, I know I’d happily give my life again to protect Luc knowing that he’s still alive and will carry on my legacy." Veth says, almost reminestantly. It made you slowly realize that maybe your family did the same so you could carry on their legacy too, if that’s the case then you’d accept it.

"I do believe the kid's made things more lively since they joined and I for one wouldn’t want to trade that for the world." Maybe not as heartfelt of a speech as the others, but you honestly expected nothing less from Molly, he even struts over to you and ruffles your hair earning a small laugh from you.

"Wait, are we taking turns? Uhh… it’s been nice having someone to look out for and teach the ways of the world to, it always feels like we have a purpose even when we feel useless." Fjord stumbled over his words a little, not fully expecting everyone to contribute but found his grounding at the end, his and everyone’s words so far having helped raise you spirits more and more.

"Ummm… look I’m not really good at this emotional stuff but I’m glad your here with us." Like Molly, Beau's little speech wasn’t all that heartfelt but her words were genuine and that’s all you could ask for.

"You all did amazing, I’m proud." Caduceus says, he then gently places his hands on the ground and casts Decompose while muttering a prayer of safe passage for the deceased to the Wildmother. The area quickly sprouting various fungus’ and some (favourite flower/s) the clearing becoming a beautiful patch of nature once again from the horror show that it once was. You are then brought into a group hug, a warm feeling of true belonging coming over you.

"I’m really happy I found you." Tears slide down your cheeks, but no longer ones of sorrow, these were tears of joy.

"We’re glad we found you too."

[greatgodempresspan]

And now...some headcanons

Some more Headcanons for @salamoonder, all in one place so I’m not clogging your ask box.

Continuing with the arm-linking, the first couple of times Caleb links arms with Cad, Caduceus thinks Caleb’s [unconsciously] asking for comfort and strokes his head, which almost always makes Caleb freeze up.

After a while, when Caduceus has gotten to know the Nein better and realises Caleb is a Cat Person (initially seems fearless, confident and poised, but is actually quite skittish, constantly ready to flee and wants cuddles but also doesn’t want cuddles) Caduceus leaves him be. Except for a single pat on the head, because he’s only flesh and blood!

Caleb doesn’t link arms with Cad often - Caleb is kinda scared of Caduceus’ [insight], but when he’s going non-verbal Caduceus is one of the people he gravitates towards. Caduceus doesn’t try to get him to talk, but will instead ramble on to him about nothing in particular. Caleb never gives any outward sign of listening, but later he will often reference something Cad said in passing, or ask him to elaborate on a point, which delights Caduceus.

Even Veth doesn’t escape this. Especially back when she was a goblin, and tended to climb all over Caleb more. She’d sit on his shoulder and he’d hold his hand up to her, two fingers resting in the crook of her arm. Being able to walk arm in arm with Veth is the one thing that Caleb will admit to envying Yeza.

On an arm-linking tangent, Jester has a nervous habit where sometimes when she’s feeling anxious or threatened her tail will twist around the leg of someone next to her. Or, in the case of Veth, her arm. She’s made Fjord face-play more than once. At first Beau was kinda disappointed when she found out that Jester couldn’t lift her off the ground doing this (“You could literally catapult us into battle! We need to work on this!”). Now whenever she feels the tail, Beau immediately grabs Jester’s hand.

The night after they encountered Trent in the throne room Caleb had bruises on his leg. Yasha will pat Jester’s tail in acknowledgement and Caduceus will return the favour, wrapping his tail (he has a tail, shut up) around Jester’s.

Veth is the only one who complains, though she’s careful to make it very clear to Jester it’s only because she’s much smaller than Jester and Jester very strong. Once they’re done with a fight/out of danger and Veth worries that Jester’s particularly rattled (e.g. post-Lorenzo) Veth will (telegraphing her movements so she doesn’t startle her friend) hold on to Jester’s tail or wind it around her wrist.

Now some Blumenkrew (bc you are a gentleman of taste)! Wulf telling Caleb he looks good both times that they’ve met is a hangover from a habit that Wulf developed while they were at the Academy. In part due to they’re being more ambitious and in part bc unlike Wulf they weren’t build like a brick shithouse from the age of twelve, Bren and Astrid had a big chip on their shoulders about the fact that they were scholarship kids. Worse, scholarship kids from some unknown backwater deep in the country (their parents were probably farmers, can you even imagine?)

Bren dealt with it in part by worrying over his appearance. Basically, trying to make sure he doesn’t look “poor” or “common”. Wulf thinks this is stupid - between Leofric’s soldier background and Una’s concerns for his health Bren was always been one of the neatest children in their village. Bren’s never looked “poor”.

“To you,” Bren returns. “You don’t hear how they laugh at us. They’d never say what they think of you to your face.”

(This, incidentally, is one of the things that starts Wulf second-guessing people and becoming more cynical in his world-view. Also why he plays up his “stupidity” and “lack of ambition”; all these noble’s children trying to mimic their parents’ intrigues don’t bother lying to anyone they don’t consider a threat.)

Thus, Wulf makes a point of letting Bren know his efforts with his appearance aren’t going unnoticed. Initially it was reassurance, wanting to give his friend a confidence boost and also, seriously, you have spent most of our lives somehow magically able to repel dirt. You look perfect, those idiots don’t know what they’re talking about!

Thing is, Bren’s a bit of a fashionista. As much as is possible at the Academy, anyway. And he’s always been - y’know, cute. But like, lamb-cute. Cat-biting-its-tongue-cute. I’ll give him all the piggy backs he wants because his smile is adorable cute. Not I can’t look at him cute. Not I wanna kiss him cute.

Oh. Oh shit.

In the meantime, Astrid works. Hard. Harder than Wulf - with his strength their trainers would count themselves lucky if he was half as smart and cunning as he actually is. Harder than Bren who will happily taunt their classmates about how easily it all comes to him and yet takes his talent for granted, doesn’t seem to understand how brilliant he actually is.

She loves Bren dearly, but she really has come to relish those moments she can knock him off balance. He’s not used to people keeping up with him; wholly unprepared for it, in fact. Thinking about it, that was probably why he started following her and Wulf around in the first place. That and the wins are so much sweeter when you have to fight for them.

Their play fights have always unnerved poor Edawulf; even after all these years he can never tell whether or not they’re being serious. Or then again, maybe he realised what they were actually doing before they did.

He plays at being confused, after all.

Hope you’re having a good day! Stay well. X

[unicyclehippo]

"You don't see me." for Beaujester

It comes to a head after the turtle - dragon - dragon-turtle thing because of course it does, because all of them came really fucking close to dying and this has been hanging over them like a storm, like a wave that never broke over them, held there by everything they weren’t saying. It comes to a head because Beau retreats to lick her wounds and when Caduceus tries to heal her she snaps at him, which is one thing, but when Jester tries a few moments later to heal her, Beau snaps at her too, which is unheard of. 

Beau stares into surprised, hurt eyes and closes her own. 

‘Fuck. Sorry, Jes-ter,’ she says, completing Jester’s name after holding a moment on her nickname. 

Jester’s jewellery clinks when she shakes her head, like she’s doing now. ‘It’s fine,’ she lies. 

‘Is it?’ Fjord demands and Beau isn’t surprised when she forces her eyes open to face him, face...all of this, that he is glaring at her. ‘What the hell is going on with you, Beau?’

Nothing, she plans on saying. 

‘Mind your own fucking business,’ is what comes out. 

‘Beau,’ Jester tries to say, tries to interrupt them before they can begin, but Fjord takes a step forward and Beau juts her chin out like the cockiest of prize-fighters, daring him to take a swing, and the wave comes crashing down, all noise and hammering pressure.

‘Mind my business? You are my business!’

‘Sure, it’s really fucking felt that way -’

‘What is that supposed to mean? No, what is that supposed to mean?’ he demands when Beau scoffs, turning away. ‘You have a problem with the job I’m doing? Because from where I’m standing, it’s not me with the problem.’

To anyone really paying attention, the flash in Beau’s eyes is pure satisfaction. ‘Got something you wanna say to me, Fjord?’

‘You know what? Yeah. Yeah I do. You’re being an asshole. Have been for a while now.  I wanna know what the fuck is going on so I know if I’ve gotta knock your head back on straight.’ 

Fjord stumbles back a step when, instead of rolling her eyes or yelling back at him, Beau is suddenly up in his face. 

‘Go ahead and try,’ she snarls, planting her hands on his chest and shoving him back. He stumbles back into netted crates, catches himself there. When she shoves at him a second time, he’s ready for it and knocks her hands aside, rams his shoulder into her sternum; it’s Beau’s turn to stagger but she uses it well, grips at the chestplate of his armour and twists, kicking at his injured leg to take him down to the deck. He snatches at her and misses, snags the amulet instead and the leather thong it’s tied on snaps, coming free in his hand. 

Beau swipes at her nose. It had stopped bleeding after the fight but has started again. It leaves a rusty smear across her top lip and cheek. Crimson drips onto the deck beside him as she leans over him. 

‘Give that back.’

Fjord closes his fingers more tightly around it. He hadn’t meant to take it but now that he has it... ‘Tell me what’s got you acting like this.’

‘I think that’s probably enough,’ Caduceus says from the sidelines and his even, calm tone is enough to grate at both of them. 

‘I don’t think it is,’ Fjord says at the same time Beau snaps,

‘Fuck off, cowman.’

‘Now that’s uncalled for -’

‘Cow man? Really? This is exactly the shit I’m talking about.’ Fjord shoves the amulet up toward Beau, who snatches it from his hand and steps away. The string is snapped so she doesn’t bother to tie it but instead shoves it into her vest protectively. ‘You should apologise. I know you just barely learned how,’

‘Fjord!’

He bites down on his bottom lip, keeping back harsher words at Jester’s rebuke. 

Beau’s eyes are cool as they rest on him. Flick over to Caduceus. And, they all come to realise, the rest of the crew and their friends. 

‘Beau, come on, let me heal -’

‘Don’t touch me,’ Beau snaps at Jester again. 

‘You don’t have to talk to her like that, vulnerability be damned,’ Caleb mutters from the sidelines. 

‘Caleb, shut up!’

He falls silent for Jester but his disapproval is potent. 

Fjord takes in the line of them, all manner of beaten and bloody and bruised, and looks back to Beau. She’s the same way, maybe worse. He sighs. 

‘Ah shit. I’m sorry. Here, let me help.’ 

Calling what little healing he can manage into his hands, he stretches out a palm and watches as it fizzles into nothing, into empty air, when Beau steps back out of his reach. 

‘I don’t need your help,’ Beau tells him, all of them, words exact and cold. ‘I don’t need your help.’

Jester’s hands open and close into anxious fists as Beau turns and limps from them, toward the trapdoor leading below. Reaching out, Jester whispers a few words; the healing light around Jester’s hands is obvious, as is the way Beau’s spine shoots straight. She pauses mid-step before pushing on. 

//

She isn’t surprised that Caleb is the one to come after her. They all think it’s the two of them - humans sticking together - and maybe it should be, maybe that’s exactly what it once was, but for the last few weeks the distance between them has felt like a chasm growing wider and wider as he refused to talk to her, refused to look at her. 

He enters the cabin with a quiet knock and closes the door behind him. Doesn’t take a seat, just stands there by the door and watches as she unwraps the bindings around her fingers and wrists and begins to clean what wounds she can.

‘You were cruel to Jester. She just wants to help.’

Beau grunts. Hisses as she pours stinging salt water over the abrasions on her hands. ‘She can keep her spells. She might need ‘em.’

‘You need them, Bea-’

‘I’ll be just fine but we won’t be if the ship sinks when the Captain drags it onto a fucking reef or whatever.’

Caleb is quiet for a moment. Then, ‘Perhaps he needs the aid of his first mate.’

Beau flicks her eyes toward him, watches him as he is watching her. His face is impassive but his eyes... He watches her as he had Essek, when they had found him to be a traitor. Like he doesn’t recognise her. 

‘What are you trying to do? Interrogate me, Vollstrecker?’

The flinch is minute, but it’s there.

‘Why are you trying to leave us?’ he asks after a moment, sliding the question in front of her openly. There is nothing in his tone but curiosity. Perhaps some faint confusion. An equation he wants to solve. She resumes scrubbing, over her hands, beneath her nails. The water bleeds red. He continues. ‘You told me we could do great things together. You told me to trust you.’ The word hisses from him, like air from a punctured lung. ‘You told me to believe in you, in the rest of the group, and now you - you’re the one who wants to leave? Why?’

‘God. You really don’t see it, do you?’

‘See what?’

‘The size of your fucking ego.’

‘I know who I am, Beauregard. I’m talking about you-’

‘I already tried!’ she yells. It’s jarringly loud, echoing back to her against the wall right in front of her and she pulls back. Steps back from the basin, runs dripping wet hands through her hair and huffs an unhappy laugh. ‘Fuck. God. You really don’t - I have tried trusting you, the lot of you, and you don’t - you fucking throw it back in my face.’

Caleb’s expression goes stoney but he doesn’t interrupt.

‘I took you back to my home,’ she says, voice shaking but not breaking. ‘I told you I didn’t want to, that he threw me out, and you asked me to do it anyway and so I did. I took you there, and I spoke to my father and my mother and the brother they actually wanted the whole time they had me. I did that. I went to a fucking hag and said to her take it all, take every fucking thing that I have, take it all. Just let my friend go. And - and sure, m-maybe it was fucked up, maybe it wasn’t the right fucking call, maybe it’s not what you would’ve done but I didn’t fucking expect you all to sit in a fucking circle and ask me if I fucking care.’

‘Beau -’

‘No! No, you asked me what the fuck is going on so here it is! Here it is, Caleb, and I hope you enjoy it because all I want is a shred, just a shred of a sign that you guys give a fuck about me. I’d kill Ikithon if that’s what you want from me. You know that? Even if you didn’t want it, I’d punch his face in until it was jam because he tried to break you. Because he experimented on you. I care about you and I care about all the fucked up kids and fucked up mages he made doing that. I care about the fact that the rest of the Assembly knows and hasn’t stopped him. I pulled Nott out of fucking lava, pretended to be a slave so that we could go rescue her husband. I would give up everything for her. I picked up Fjord and carried him out of the King’s fucking Cage. Yasha nearly killed me and she did kill my people. Mine. Not yours. Mine. Caduceus talks like he knows what the fuck is going on but if he knows shit about me, all he talks about is destiny. Fuck destiny! Fuck fate! Fuck all of that shit! I’m the one in control here, I’m the one who gets to say what I do, I’m the one who decides what matters! Do you finally get that? Do you finally get that, Caleb? Can you finally understand that even when I try and try, I’m the only one of the Mighty Nein,’ she says, and the words have always sounded like a joke but they sound downright mocking coming from her now, ‘that isn’t mighty. And that doesn’t matter so long as my friends can see who I am - but you don’t. You don’t...see that I’m trying. That I was trying to be...better.’

‘We see that, Beauregard,’

‘I don’t need people to see me do good things to know that they’re good,’ she says, and the words are firm and flat like she’s repeating them, reciting them from somewhere. ‘But I thought my friends would...’ She shakes her head, a small smile sitting wrong on her lips. She laughs quietly. Exhausted. ‘It doesn’t matter. We’ve ended a war. What else can we possibly do? It’s over. It’s over.’

[lavendertwilight89]

InuxKag Week 2020 Day 4--Desire

Give it to me

Rated E NSFW

May do a one-shot later of something else? @lemonlushff hella late bday present? Who knows!

@inukag-week​ @superpixie42 @lemonlushff @dangerouspompadour @keichanz @cstormsinukagblog @willowandfog @inuyashaloverforever @xfangheartx @clearwillow  @umacaking @procellaxletalis @smmahamazing @murdergiraffe @faulkner-blog @sapphirestarxx@swaggingtomboy @sarah-writes-stories @hnnwnchstr @wolverine1092

What was wrong with her??? She couldn’t not be touching Inuyasha. It had gotten to the point of embarrassment for her. She thought at that point she would wear a permanent blush on her face. Her… desires were getting the better of her. PDA was non-existent in the feudal era, hell, even in the future holding hands marked territory. Hugs were as intimate as people usually got in Japan.

And here she was… making out with her husband after having to drag him off to crash her lips to his behind Sango and Miroku’s hut. She had to have him. It wasn’t even a choice. Her blood literally called to him. Her body demanded him. Desire probably wasn’t even the right word to describe it. Lust? Need?

Either way, she had to have him. Night, day, mid-afternoon, morning, all she wanted was to… fuck. She didn’t use that kind of language at all, but that’s all she could think of to describe their heated encounters. It wasn’t that they hadn’t made love or that she thought sex was crude—but the way they engaged in those activities could only be described as ‘fucking’.

He was a half demon. A strong, sexy, dominant male. The way he would crash over her body, the way he sucked her taut nipples, the way his hands slithered and caressed her figure, his tongue diving down and swirling around her sensitive nub and Gods she couldn’t even get started on the way his cock would drive into her.

“Inu-Yasha—ughh,” she panted heatedly.

“Should we go home?” That jerk was smirking. He thought the whole thing was funny. IF she could withstand him, he would be punished… but anything she liked it when he spanked her when he had her on all fours. She deserved the punishment! Gods! What had he done to her?!

“It’s—not funny,” she gasped as his fingers had latched onto her nipples through her kimono. “Oh, please don’t stop,” she begged.

Begged. She. Kagome. Begged for him. And she thought he was supposed to be the dog in the relationship. Not to say that was derogatory—no—not at all. Because when they did things the inu way—Gods—sometimes that was her favorite way.

“Who said I thought this was funny?” Arrogant, prick, jackass, ass—she moaned louder as one of his talented hands made its way through her hakama and into her wet folds.

“Yashhhhhh,” she whined. She was trying to be quiet but was failing. Supremely.

“You wanna go home yet? Or would you prefer if I took you right here?”

“They’ll hear us,” she whispered heatedly mortified at the thought of them being caught… Mortified that it absolutely turned her on at the thought of someone catching them being intimate—and even more embarrassed that Inuyasha was well aware those thoughts had made her more aroused when his sexy fangs poked out of his mouth. Prick.

“Smells like you’d enjoy that—do you like making sure everyone knows you’re mine, Ka-Go-Me?”

“Inu—” she started to scold before her treacherous hands reached out to undo his obi. She inwardly swore at herself. Stupid desires. Stupid, sexy, God-like body, cocky, arrogant half demon.

He chuckled. The jerk actually laughed. If she wasn’t so hot and bothered, she’d ‘sit’ him. OR maybe find the laugh endearing and cute. It was a side of Inuyasha no one had really seen aside from her. Actually, if anyone else saw this side of Inuyasha, the hot-heavy-panting-brought-down-by-his-own-needs-wants-desires-for-her-by-her, she’d probably have to kill them. The jealousy for this man’s body let alone touch was unreal. She saw why he was so crazed about Koga even brushing his hand against her own.

This internal struggle had been going on for weeks—since she returned to his era and they had mated. They had ultimately decided to wait until they were married, just in case she lost her spiritual powers and for Inuyasha’s sanity. He didn’t want the villagers to blame him for ‘tarnishing’ their priestess. Kagome did make sure they all knew that she did not return to just be their priestess though; she returned to become his wife and mate.

Her powers did not fade, if anything they grew more powerful. As did his demonic aura. They trained together to control their higher energies—which was often interrupted with their need to ‘strengthen the mate bond’ as Inuyasha put it.

He had grown cocky, self-assured, and best of all carefree. The latter being the most annoying because he didn’t care how much he touched her in public. Getting her all rattled and flustered almost seemed like a game to him. She assumed it had to be some demonic instinct of ‘marking one’s territory’. What she hadn’t thought was the same desire would pour through her.

One day a group of travelers came into the village. A young woman caught eye of her husband and approached him. Her husband. Her mate. She’d never been that jealous or angry in her life. That was including when he would run off to see Kikyo. He had looked stunned and confused when the woman spoke to him in such a manner but before he could completely shake her off, Kagome did the unthinkable. Thinking about it still embarrassed her; she pulled his arm and yanked his head down to her level and kissed him. Hard. Not just a chaste kiss either. Noooooooooooo. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and made love to it. Made him groan, whimper, and pant until finally when she pulled away to stare in the eyes of the other woman, the poor thing looked… stunned. Kagome immediately took off blushing asking Kaede to take over as she had no idea what had come over her.

Inuyasha followed her into the woods hell-bent on finishing what she started. He took her roughly, as if he had a point to prove that she was the only one who made him feel that way. The way he comforted her, the way he pressed into her, holding her, cradling her, thrusting and plunging into her over and over made her body oddly relax while her coil grew tight. He made her mind foggy like a drug. All she could think of was him as he devoured her entire being.

Once she finally undid his obi and her hakama had somehow fallen open and her panties were pushed down, he knelt before her. Grabbing her leg and throwing it over his shoulder, his tongue sought out her core and gave her a hard lick. She grasped his head, careful not to grab his ears and tried to pull him further in her. The ache of not having him inside her was killing her. The blush she wore was no longer of embarrassment but of frustration. She needed him. 

“Please Inuyasha,” she moaned, daring to plead with the man kneeling before her to soothe her rampant desires to be filled with him. He rumbled his approval as she felt his fingers press at her opening and slowly glide into her.

She couldn’t stifle the gasp or cry even if she had wanted to—he did things to her she had never thought were possible. The purr he exuded, his fingers teasing her walls, filling her, his tongue and lips prodding her was too much. Her head swung and banged against the hut as she tried to take control of the situation—of where she needed his attentions to find her release. If he had not been holding her up, she surely would have fallen. Her hips were trying to grind against his mouth and after what felt like an eternity, he finally moved to her nub and brushed his fangs against it before taking it in his mouth. He latched on and sucked. Hard.

She felt her leg she was still standing on fully give out as her walls clenched around his inserted fingers tightly and wildly. Her voice was not her own as she cried out his name as she felt the warm liquid that his mouth didn’t catch seep down her leg. 

He stood quickly and held her weak body to his as he took her lips with his own. She never thought tasting herself would be as exciting and erotic as it was. Honestly, she never imagined half the things they did together. It was like taboo when she was locked in her era—she never wanted to imagine the impossible. She couldn’t allow her heart to break further.

His tongue ran up her cheek and his whimper caught her attention. She stared into the golden eyes of worry and concern. Touching her face, she hadn’t realized she had started crying. She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his shoulder and lifted her jelly-legs to wrap around his waist.

“I’m okay, I was just… I’m just so happy to be here,” she confessed before pressing her lips to his.

“I am too, you know,” he admitted as he rested his forehead against her own.

“I love you, Yash,” she said breathlessly as he filled her with his hardened length.

“Not nearly as much as I love you,” he groaned as he began thrusting into her, showing her exactly how much he desired her in return.

[your-turn-to-role]

For the title ask thing: “those who favor fire” and/or “jericho’s walls”

sure thing, thanks anon!

those who favor fire - i, had to check for a moment that this wasn't actually an episode title, because you've certainly got the vibe down 😂

i mean, caleb or keyleth, really, when fire comes up, you gotta give at least one to them

i think i'll go caleb for this one, because it's really making me want to do something blumendrei exploratory, and also, have been lowkey wanting to write something for a while in the aftermath of That Night? because god the whole dynamic there fascinates me

i think i’d probably start out with some of their past moments too, to actually cover the those who favor fire part more, and the actual dynamic between these three and what they were good at and like... i feel like when they were kids they had very much a, they’re all super smart kids, but within that niche, astrid was the main brains and ambition of the group, bren definitely had enough to be competitive but was the primary charisma of the three, and wulf was both the strength of the group and the emotional support, someone’s gotta be the backbone of this trio. and we know trent kept pushing for bren as the leader but he never wanted that position and always thought of astrid as the leader and then you’ve got that weird tension of astrid not knowing where exactly she stands here, and both her and wulf kinda following in that “well i guess bren’s the leader” thought bc he is good at it, and probably does end up taking the lead in more situations than he realises. (also plenty of their specific skills in that part bc i wanna know what the others’ preferred specialisations and schools of magic are, like we know bren back then was evocation, then switched to transmutation as caleb (which i have other thoughts on, see this post for a few of them, but mainly the fact that the evocation specialisation lets you choose who in the area of effect gets burned by your fire spells, whereas transmutation doesn’t, it just explodes and what happens happens), but also all we know of the others is that astrid favoured poison as a killing method, we don’t know much else about their actual magical skill sets)

so plenty of headcanons to go wild with there, and i’d wanna explore those to the extent of my imagination, so some scenes about both them before the academy and them during.

but then we get to That Night and it just, completely upsets the entire dynamic and i really wanna explore the perspective from the other two here? like... trent knew what they were doing, because he planned it, but they didn’t know that, at the time. they were doing it because they were ashamed, because they believed this was the only right thing to do and the only way to save face. with that amount of indoctrination? admitting they had traitor families would have been the worst possible thing they could do, because that could make them be seen as traitors by association. so the best way this night could go for them is to get it all done and out of the way and then come back to the academy like nothing happened. they’re skilled enough, practiced enough, that trent never has to find out.

and they’ve had all this training building them up as the best of society, the elite, no one else can handle what they can handle. there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that ego, they cannot fail, it’s absolutely unthinkable

they may know in theory not everyone makes it through this program. but they never thought that would affect them

so what happens when the unthinkable happens? they’re already probably not handling themselves great, because the unthinkable already happened, in a sense, by finding out their parents are traitors and by killing them, that’s already stretched all of these kids to the limit, even if two of them kept their composure. but this, more than anything, is what really shatters that trio, because bren is the one who was made to be the leader, he’s the core of their group in several ways, and they know he can be just as ruthless and calculating as they are and he should have been able to handle this. but he doesn’t, and it flips their entire worldview on his head, and not only that, but he lashes out at them, he’s always had perfect control over fire and now it’s just raging and burning and sparing no one. and no one can solve this problem for them, they’ve gotta figure out what to do by themselves. seventeen and knowing you just killed your blood family, that all you have left is the people in front of you, and you have to subdue one of them so he doesn’t kill you or burn this entire town to the ground and there’s no one you can go to for help, because you can’t tell anyone you were here

and then what? how long do they wait before they give up on him getting over this? they’ve got a few days before their absence is noticed, probably, because they said they were heading home to visit, so now they’ve gotta find somewhere to hide and hope he snaps out of it soon. maybe it was just this breakdown, he had to get it out of his system, but he still did the same as they all did, he hasn’t failed yet, as long as he comes back to himself before they have to return, they can pretend like this never happened. astrid’s hurt and none of them are particularly good at healing but that can be fixed too, these things happen, they’ll think of some excuse. but the longer that goes on, the worse it starts to feel, and maybe there’s no way out of this after all. maybe you have to admit that things will never go back to normal, nothing is promised, and you have to look out for yourself and only yourself.

and i think those few days of loneliness and uncertainty and fear and still trying to cling to each other despite that would be, very fun to explore

jericho's walls - this could be any of these cagey fucks, but i'm feeling a beau vibe the most? actually you know what with the recent beauyasha let's make it about that. because god, walls of jericho is such a strong imagery when it comes to people and relationships and like... it’s about the violent breaking down of walls but also the freedom that comes with and especially with these two. they’ve both got so many walls up, beau with her childhood of neglect and mistrust of everyone and yasha who keeps trying but has been through so much loss already, who found love with zuala and molly and both of them died, who’s been twisted to other people’s wills too often, and struggles with making herself known

i think this as a fic would work best with a bunch of little scenes, some from canon, some not, of their slow careful dance around each other because while they can both be loud and brash in their flirting, neither wants to risk hurting the other

and then our finale is what i assume we’re bound to get eventually bc i think when you actually open those floodgates and break down those walls we’re gonna get everything at once

it’s a really interesting relationship the two of them have because it feels like they’re both still on a precipice, everyone knows at this point they’re both into each other, there’s no surprise about that, it’s a question of, when you put these two very brash and fighty girls together, do they break each other, build each other up, or smash through those walls to make something new together

[send me a made-up fic title and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it]

[seafleece]

one of the front legs of the thing absolutely smashes into the 008’s cockpit, and all at once it’s not funny anymore. she raises a shaky hand to her ear and immediately can hear the rattle of beau breathing, heavy. surprised.

“beau. she knows. get out of there.”

she hears beau spit. it’s probably blood. “it’s okay.”

“beau—“

“i know who it is.”

the other mech, it just— it catches 008’s fist, holds it fast and then wrenches the arm to the side.

jester’s a few seconds from calling for the traveler— the brief consideration that interference will definitely get them kicked out, maybe arrested, is overturned, but long enough for her to catch the feedback still coming through. the wheezy, gasping sound of beau laughing.

—

“why’d you do that?”

she takes momentary satisfaction in how dairon looks— like she’d actually taken the hit, when beau slammed her into the wall. they wince when they jerk their head over to look at her.

“hello to you, too, miss lavorre. how’s your tall friend?”

she scowls. “why’d you fight her?”

“i was not expecting to see her in the ring. i came to make some money, not a scene.”

“yeah, well, you got both. and we didn’t really have any to spare.”

“i’ll get the 008 fixed up. i was there when it was made.”

“i don’t care about the 008.” it’s not really true— she cares because it’s beau’s, because if it’s in the shop that means beau sits out the mission, means she’s in the kind of danger they can’t stamp out. “i care about beau. i’m the one who fixes her up, not you.”

dairon laughs. “i do not think she would let me do that for her. you should take it as an honor. i’ve never seen her look that way at anyone.”

her heart stutters a little, and then she remembers she’s angry. “i— i do. it’s not her fault no one gives her the chance not to fight.”

“yes, i agree. she could have been an expositor two years ago. the zadash branch is in dangerous need of an overhaul. they don’t know how to look for talent— they think it’ll come to them in the exact form they need. they’ve lost the mistress’s approval.”

“i meant you, too.” she crosses her arms, and then, finding the gesture inadequate, her legs. “she got really hurt. you went for her cockpit. she doesn’t expect anyone to do that.”

“miss lavorre—“

“it’s jester,” she snaps. “how’d you even learn my last name, anyway?”

“believe it or not, beauregard talks to me, as well.” her tone softens when jester’s scowl twists into something a little less angry and a little more hurt. “jester. it’s not safe that beauregard fights the way she does. it’s not actually self-preservation to put yourself in danger on an assumption of safety.”

“i know,” she says. “you think i don’t know that?”

“she trusts me to show her when she needs to change. i was showing her.”

“she’s not stupid. you don’t need to half-kill her to tell her she needs to guard better.”

“no,” dairon says. “she’s not stupid. but she doesn’t trust easily.”

“she trusts me.”

“yes, she does.” they say it like it’s a problem. “i wonder when that happened.”

“she could trust you, too.”

“she does, jester. it’s just not that simple.” dairon looks away, and jester siphons a little more satisfaction from the note of— regret, she thinks— that creeps into their voice. “vulnerability’s a funny thing. you see it when she speaks to you. i see it when she fights me and loses.”

“it‘s not the same. not if she doesn’t mean for you to see it.”

“she does. part of having a teacher is expecting to be corrected. she knows i’ll beat her, when we fight.”

“she didn’t this time,” jester grouses, and then thinks about beau laughing when she’d found out. her crawling from the dented cockpit with eyes bright, hugging dairon so tight in the alley she’d actually lifted her off the ground.

dairon looks at her like they know she’s figured it out. ”you’ve tried to talk to her about this before.”

she says nothing.

“she’ll listen to you about a lot, i can see it. but not about this.” dairon almost reaches out, for her hand, and thinks better of it. “she won’t listen to me about it either.”

“so what, then?”

dairon shrugs. “i have to show her she needs to do something else. and i can trust that she’ll be okay afterward, because of you.”

“oh.”

“she’s never had someone who wanted to help her feel better before, not like you.”

“i know,” jester whispers. it should be a compliment, but she thinks about fjord and veth calling beau prickly after poking at her until she lashes out. she thinks about beau telling her in the dark that she’d gotten a letter from home, that she had a little brother. she’d shook, and shoved her knuckles against her mouth to keep from crying too loud, and said she hoped they’d treat him better. it should be a compliment that she’s the first person beau has ever trusted to help her, but it isn’t.

dairon looks at her kindly, like it’s all passed, but she glances over to see beau talking to caleb, sees her rub crusted blood from under her nose absentmindedly. she uncrosses her arms to pick at a loose thread on her suit, but keeps her legs crossed. a matter of principle. “we were supposed to be resting.”

“i’m sorry,” dairon says, looking over as well. she sounds like she means it. “it could’ve waited. i was excited to see her. i didn’t know she would be here.”

“funny way of showing it.”

“maybe so.”

“she’ll be okay. i’ll make sure. but you need to fix up 008.”

“i will. where are you staying?”

jester grits her teeth, thinks about zadash and the days beau left to train and came back late, tired, and hurting, but dairon has their money and they’ve got their eyebrows scrunched like they’re actually thinking over what jester said. she tells her the place.

—

“you should learn how to fix up 008.”

beau stretches, languid and with a groan. it’s too small a bed for it, her legs nudge against jester’s and jester can see her fingers curl on the slats of the headboard. “yeah, it’s kinda stupid, huh?”

jester frowns. “no, you didn’t make it. it’s complicated.”

“they all are, though. and i can’t keep expecting the soul to fix it up for me. gotta be self-dependent.”

“no,” she says again, a little rushed. “no, you don’t.”

“i should be, though.” she can hear the faint frown, the self-admonishing tinge. a hint of something she knows will burrow deep and treacherous if jester doesn’t pull it up by the roots now. “not always gonna have someone around to help.”

“you’ll have me,” she says, and reaches for her. she closes a hand on the curve of beau’s hip and beau jumps.

“you don’t have to. i can’t ask that.”

“i want to.”

“yeah, but—“

“i don’t do stuff i don’t want to do,” she breathes. “you know that.”

beau sinks down a little, becomes a little more loose, a little more pliable. a little easier to pull against herself, to her front. “yeah.”

“i wanna help you. always.”

beau’s quiet for a long moment. these kind of conversations end up a lot more dispersed, usually, someone falls asleep or goes out on watch or just ducks out, feeling a little too raw a little too soon.

“why?”

her chest expands and shrinks against jester’s arm, against her front. in the dark, jester can see the curve of her face, sees her eyelashes dust her cheek when she blinks. her mouth is open, just a little. like she wants to keep talking, but doesn’t know what to say.

jester does, though. it’s easy. “i love you.”

beau’s chest freezes, caught on an inhale. she stops blinking.

“oh.”

jester’s head is above hers— she tips a little to press her own mouth, also open, to beau’s temple. shorter hairs, the ones that always escape beau’s topknot, press against her nose. she closes her eyes.

she’s only loved a few people before. momma, the traveler— does he count? fjord and yasha and caleb and caduceus and veth, of course, of course, and molly, and kiri, too, wherever she is. she doesn’t really know how to say it’s different, it just is. not more or better, just different.

“i, uh, i love you, too,” beau says, quiet like she turned her face into the pillow just so, like she’s nervous. the breath pushes out of her lungs again and she sinks against jester like all the fight’s gone out of her.

she doesn’t worry if beau means it. just that it probably sounds a little heavy on her tongue because she’s not used to saying it. because she’s not used to feeling like she can say it. like she can feel it and still be safe.

she thinks about kissing beau again, and then she remembers something about beau saying she thought the first time was a dream. if she did now, she thinks, she could tell beau a million times it wasn’t a dream, that she meant it, but it would still be late and beau would still be a little woozy from healing, and she’d still wake up afraid. because the thing she can do for beau, she thinks, that other people can’t, isn’t telling her things. it’s listening.

beau’s almost asleep. jester’s mouth is still pressed to the crown of her head, and she leaves it there and thinks that there’s nothing to prove. that there’s tomorrow morning, and the one after that, and all the way down.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e101

I still wanna know what happened with D&D beyond as a sponsor...

That Molly figure tho! I mean I won’t buy it because $80 but also if there’s ever a Caduceus one it’s mine.

She’s already like “who the fuck are these people”

She doesn’t seem bad so far so I’m second guessing the theory that she’s a secret bad guy *but* that doesn’t mean she’s not so

[[MORE]]

J: “maybe you could just scream along with the music since that’s... that’s mostly what it sounded like anyway.”

Cad: “It’s just not the same!”

I love how Cad’s being like “let’s not eat the lotus flowers food” and everyone else is like “can’t wait to try the local cuisine!”

“You gotta have boundaries” was that a Narrative Telephone reference? ;)

B.V. Hmmm.

Also I like how they’re just spying on these poor people

I was gonna say I thought Nott had Tinkers Tools

I’m with Fjord in this case, the people have already lost a lot and you shouldn’t take things that are or clearly *were* important to them

Nottttttt ugh

God I miss them being able to sit next to each other!!

Beau interacting with kids is still my favorite thing ever she’s so bad at it

B: “don’t point them at other kids or your parents.”

Trees: “but I can at anyone else?”

B: “Yeah of course, I don’t care.”

T/F: “you mean like the land... before time?” I love him

Uh-oh Veth shUSH

Oh okay it’s only a 50g diamond that’s good

Reverse water fall??

J: “You know what would be weird? If they put people in the ground and then made tea out of them. That would be so fucking weird lol”

Cad: “That’s not weird at all.”

Travis is like “guys I hate the creepy island with the constant sense of being watched”

“You see Yasha in a light you’ve not seen her in before. In a healing light.”

I’m not crying you are it’s fine

Avocado lol

I love how they’re like “yes Jester you’re in a cult” but also “it’s okay we’re all kinda in a cult”

Oooo shit that feeling of being watched is still there??

Ohhh not a god? That pushes me towards dragon still

Cad making them rehash things about themselves is good that’s smart

“My name is Veth Brennato, I’m an alcoholic—“ pff Sam

See the hoarding and the fire thing makes me think dragon but the creepy feeling makes me thing Beholder

Ohhh frick what’s happening

I don’t like this at all

Oh fuck Cad

Listen I know he’s not going to die but do y’all realize this is 2 years to the episode since Molly died? I know because it happened the day before my Birthday and this is the episode before my birthday this year. So Cad you’re not allowed to die.

Cad, honey

Cad giving Jester that necklace is the best thing ever tbh

I saw somebody on Tumblr say the monster’s a Morkoth and I looked it up and boy this sounds fun

Matt’s resigned face when Jester starts talking to plants xD

Don’t follow the sobbing sound

Don’t do it

Bad bad bad

“Nooooope” is right

Fuck I hate it

BEAU

God you are a disaster

I wanna know what it was but I also hate it so much

“and it’s sad” Beau honey

BEAU

HONEY

have these idiots never heard of a TRAP??? A lure??

Beau would die in a horror movie I’m sorry

Veridian must be so tired of them lol

NO DONT FOLLOW HER

godddddds

Oh my god what

WHAT

What do you mean “right where Beau is”???

I told you I toLD YOU I TOLD YOU

Goddddd Beau xD

They’re going to head into a boss fight half depleted because of this siiiiiigh

We love you too Matt <3

[princessamericachavez]

No dream comes true until you're left hanging by a thread

It’s not the first time he dies at sea, but it feels different. Last time, death felt only like one more waste, a stark reminder of how dull and irrelevant his life had been. He knew the second darkness swallowed him that his passing would matter little to anyone but himself. It’s not like that now. He has so much he wants to accomplish, so much to live for, so many people that genuinely love him, that it makes death taste far more unfair. He loves his life now, doesn’t want to be ripped away from it.

He doesn’t wake up alone and confused this time, either. A chorus of friendly faces welcomes him back to the land of the living with concerned eyes and relieved smiles. Fjord finds himself in the middle of this little family that he’s made for himself and realizes that there’s no dark deal this time, just people who love him and want him around asking nothing in exchange. 

It not being his first time, Fjord tries to brush the incident off lightly. With the help of Caduceus, he gets on his feet and after reassuring everyone else he goes to Orly who is just going through the same process thanks to Jester’s magic. The tortoise is equally pragmatic but looks worse for wear in a way that makes Fjord feel a pang of guilt. 

It’s his fault that anyone got hurt. They were here for him.

He sends Orly to bed and tasks Marius and Beau with rallying the crew, making sure everyone is alright and the ship able to go on with their mission.

“Watches would probably be a good idea, too,” he sighs, heavily. “I can take the first one.”

“Absolutely not,” Caleb cuts in. 

“You need to rest,” Caduceus nods. “I can take a watch.”

“I’ll join you,” Yasha murmurs.

There’s more darkness than usual in everyone’s voices, righteous anger on his behalf that makes his chest twist. Begrudgingly, he accepts their demands that he rest and half an hour after being murdered he finds himself back in the captain’s quarters.

Fjord takes his time drying the floor with the monstrous figure had dripped, changes the bloodied sheets and cleans himself, but eventually, he runs out of distractions. Laying on the bed, he stares at the ceiling waiting for a sleep that doesn’t come. He fears the nightmares that might come the second his eyes close and the dangers that can haunt him in the real world while he lays there vulnerable.

Because he’s not sleeping, the corner of his eye catches the door moving as a dark figure peeks in. He jumps to his feet and summons his sword to his hand.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” A familiar voice squeaks.

“Jester?”

“I’m sorry, I just- I thought you would be sleeping.”

“You were going to spy on me in my sleep?”

“I just wanted to check-in on you.”

“Oh.” Fjord frowns and moves to turn a light on.

As the darkness recedes, he sees Jester standing on the door frame, eyes still puffy and red from crying earlier. She balances her weight there, anxious and embarrassed and Fjord wants to kick himself for it. She was just worried.

“Do you wanna come in?” He offers.

“Uh, s-sure,” Jester hesitates a little before walking in and closing the door behind him. “Sorry, really, I just wanted to-”

“It’s alright, Jester.”

“It’s really not, though,” she grumbles as she crosses the room and takes a seat at the edge of his bed. 

 Fjord watches her move through his space with that casual ease and wonders if this is somehow inappropriate of them. His mind flies back to another time, sees himself walking through that very same door to find a very naked Avantika waiting for him. The meeting back then had been charged with danger and lies, quickly turning into a desperate attempt to regain control by him. There is none of that tension now, just Jester sitting there and pinning him with those sad violet eyes.

“You died, Fjord,” she finally says, voice small and wavery. 

He knew that already, but the way she says it makes it feel real for the first time. Fjord drops next to her on the bed with a heavy sigh.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he mutters slowly, letting it sink in. “I- I’m alright now, though.”

“I’m sorry.”

Jester’s head is low, her eyes tearful as she looks at her hands. It’s like being stabbed in the chest again.

“Sorry?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you faster, Fjord,” the words come out all at once, accompanied by tears. “I tried to!” Jester shakes her head. “But we were stuck down there and I couldn’t get around the guys attacking us and then I came up and you were just lying there and I couldn’t get to you. And I promised I would heal you if you were hurt but I couldn’t- I couldn’t do anything!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Fjord cuts her off, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He pulls her into a side-hug. He’s never been good with this physical touch thing, but the idea of letting her just cry like that without comforting her is unbearable. “Jester, hey, look at me,” he takes her chin in his hand, mirroring the way her God had comforted her before. “I’m alright, okay? None of this was your fault. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even be here without you.”

She nods, but he isn’t sure that she believes him.

“You saved my life, Jester.”

Slowly, she calms down. He doesn’t let go of her shoulders. 

“What are we gonna do now, Fjord?”

“I... don’t know,” he admits. “I’m at a loss here, I must admit. I guess we have to be more careful.”

“We need to find a way to get that thing out of you, Fjord, before they come back for it.”

“Yeah but I don’t know how to,” he lets out a dry laugh, overwhelmed. “I mean, I don’t even know if it’s possible, you know? Besides, we have to see these peace talks through first, it’s important for Beau, Caleb and Veth. And then you have you thing coming in. I don’t want to derail everyone’s lives again with my problems.”

Jester looks at him like he just said the most stupid thing in the seven seas.

“Fjord! Of course this is just as important, okay? Really, we all want you to be safe and if these dumb things come back we are going to be ready, alright? I- I can message Vandran again, ask him if he knows anything about this. Maybe he can tell us how he did to get away before! Or- or I can message Yussa, or Allura, or someone! We are going to find out how to get you out of these, okay?” She says, earnestly as she grabs his free hand in hers. Her eyes are still red-rimmed but he recognizes that unshakable resolve of hers in them. “I told you, Fjord, I will do anything to get you away from Uk’otoa, okay?”

His throat closes with tears. He tilts his head down to conceal the dampness gathering in his eyes. Fjord is overwhelmed by thankfulness for this woman’s sweetness, this girl who just gifted him life back and now is casually talking about fighting an ancient evil demigod for his sake. Some days —most days— he can’t believe she’s real at all. What did he ever do to deserve her friendship?

“Okay,” he finally says, once he finds his voice again. 

“Okay,” she agrees, softly, giving his hand one last squeeze before letting them go. 

Jester stands up and he immediately mourns the loss of her body by his side. 

“You should really get some sleep, Fjord,” she says, walking for the door. 

“Yeah, about that, uh,” he speaks quickly, nervously, “would you- would you mind terribly if I asked you to stay?”

Just making the request is harder than fighting the scariest monster. It makes him feel vulnerable and small and ridiculous, but this is Jester and he trusts her.

“You want me to stay the night with you, Fjord?” Her eyebrows wiggle, suggestively. 

Oh, gods.

“Just- just for a while, you don’t have to- I mean- not to do anything- I just. I... I can’t sleep.”

Whatever joke she’d been preparing, frizzles and dies in the tip of her tongue. He can see her face twist with something that once before he might have mistaken for pity but now knows to be kindness and compassion. 

“Of course, Fjord,” she smiles sweetly at him. “I’m still feeling a little nervous from the battle too, you know, so I was thinking about drawing for a little while for the Traveler. Maybe- you have a desk here, I could draw here while you sleep a little.”

“Just until I fall asleep,” he promises. He has no intention of keeping her up all night. After what she did for him and Orly, she must be exhausted.

Jester nods and quietly makes her way to the desk. Fjord wonders if he should say something more, but anything he could add right now seems useless. The conversation has left him exhausted. He lays back down on the bed and watches as she opens her notebook and carefully selects her pencils. She’s humming to herself and the sound soothes whatever was still rattled inside him.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers, as his eyes begin to close. 

Behind half-closed lids, he can see how she turns to him and smiles. “I’m glad you’re here too, Fjord,” she says. He’s not sure if he imagined the way her voice cracked a little or how she quickly rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand. Sleep takes him swiftly. 

His dreams are quiet, which is why he hears the voices. Fjord’s first instinct is to jump and fight, but one of them is Jester and she sounds at ease. The other voice is familiar, too, though less welcomed. The Traveler. Fjord doesn’t move, he carefully keeps his breathing steady and listens. 

This is wrong, he shouldn’t be doing this, but he’s always been too curious for his own good. 

And he does not trust this man as far as he can throw him.

“Thank you for coming when you did,” Jester is saying, with that gentle fondness that for a while Fjord thought was reserved for him.

“Of course,” the fey replies, voice melodic and dangerous at the same time, “he might be an idiot, but he is important to you, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then, that is enough for me.”

Fjord feels another pang of guilt. He really shouldn’t be spying. 

“Do you... do you think you can help us... with Uk’otoa?”

The fey hums. Fjord can picture him tilting his head, letting that stupid red mane spread across his shoulders.

“I do not know. I am afraid this creature is far more ancient than even me. However, I will be with you every step of the way. It should be fun.”

Fun?!

“Yeah, totally! It’s gonna be great when we finally kill it,” Jester agrees, cheerfully. 

Fjord thinks of the creature lurking in the darkness of his dreams. The idea of Jester facing that horror makes him nauseous. 

“But we have to figure out how to kill it,” she is still going on about it. 

“Well, there is always a way to achieve death. I believe I am owed some favors in other planes, one of them might be able to aid us in this new... mission of yours.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know people in many planes? Are you very famous there?”

“Certainly,” The Traveler replies proudly. 

Fjord knows a liar when he hears one.

“You’ll see. As soon as the Zenith has passed, I will have far more time to be with you. Ah, delicious freedom! And then, you and I can go and explore all these fun worlds together.”

What.

“Yes, it’s going to be so great!”

Jester’s leaving?

“Alright, then. Now, you better rest. You did very well tonight, my priestess. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.”

“I will watch over your half-orcs dreams for now.”

After a few moments, Fjord hears Jester move across the room and leave. He waits still for a couple minutes before finally daring to open his eyes. The room is empty. He grapples with what he just eavesdropped in. It’s like being stabbed through the chest all over again.

Fuck.

[humble-wayside-flower]

“The surface escapes you upward, leaving you in freezing depths, fathoms below.                                   Watching. Return. Reward. Wonder.  A final squeeze sends the last breath from your lungs in a muffled scream.                                                     Punish.”

                                                                        ~Episode 53

“Settled within a small chamber of tangled leaves and roots, within this mass of vines and green, you swear you can see a face. Female. Motherly. Her eyes closed.

The womb I grant, but withers without faith. His will shall find you again soon. His will shall find you again, but until it does, rest.” 

                                                                        ~Episode 65

Episodes 49 - 76

Spotify (X)- Liner Notes Under Cut Part 1 / Part 2 

_______________________________________________________

Pretender (Acoustic) by AJR (Post Pirate Arc- Feeling adrift and throwing yourself into another situation so you don’t have to think about the previous one. With everything going on in the empire and the lives of his friends, there are far more important things to be focusing on.)

I’m a good pretender Won’t you come see my show? I’ve got lots of problems Well, good thing nobody knows 

Seafaring Song by Mark Lanegan & Isobel Campbell (He feels uneasy being this far from the ocean, as he runs from the promise he made and things he did to chase power that didn’t matter. Looking up into the Xhorhas sky and seeing an unfamiliar, yet familiar vastness reflected back at him.)

I have traveled the world around Wandered far from home Sailed the ocean in foreign skies Still further to roam

False Confidence by Noah Kahan (The City of Beasts- Fjord should feel comfortable here, no one glances at him sideways, he isn’t the only one of his kind, but he still doesn’t feel like enough. Insecurities about his size, his tusks, his humaness, his orcness abound. Feeling like you aren’t enough for either place yet too much for both as well.)

Don’t take yourself so seriously Look at you all dressed up for someone you never see You’re here for a reason but you don’t know why You’re split and uneven, your hands to the sky Surrender yourself 

I Don’t Even Care About You (Stripped) by MISSIO (His first Uk’otoa dream since leaving the coast. It’s a warning and a threat of punishment. Being crushed in your dreams is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.)

Depressed again Evening comes too fast, still tired of the routine Depressed again I can do without all your false curiosities Angry again No, I don’t wanna have a conversation with you Angry again Let me sit alone with kerosene I do’t even care about you

A New Mission by Josh Whitehouse (Everything about Wursh exasperates Fjord’s insecurities, but he feels seen in a way that, while not pleasant, is necessary. The group also gets another peek at the childhood that made their friend.)

Sometimes I can’t control a feeling that I get inside my chest Even with those who are close to me, the ones I call my best I lose sight of all my confidence, in a heavy single step It’s happened ever since my childhood, things I thought I’d put to rest

The Wolf in Your Darkest Room by Matthew Mayfield (Uk’otoa makes it clear that what can be given can also be taken away. The loss of his powers, however temporarily is terrifying.)

And I just want to taste you on my teeth And clawing at your neck to feed my needs You thought you found my limit But you don’t seem to know You don’t seem to know How far I’d go

The Mask by Matt Maeson (Fjord has spent a lifetime crafting masks, but at what cost, and with such weight. He’s not ready to take them off yet, but he gets one step closer with each day. Fjord’s second talk with Wursh about anger, picking your battles, and not letting others define who you are.)

Tell me what you know I settled my grievance by crafting a mask And I never looked back I will never grow While this anchor is chained to my feet

Waite by Lowland Hum (Xhorhas montage- Adjusting to a new city, a new culture, and having a home of your own for the first real time ever. The paranoia of feeling like you’re being watched. Caleb waiting for him in his room- a conversation with a friend you don’t yet understand, and are not sure you fully trust.)

Hunter, rush, mauve, dust; Colors I didn’t trust  Until I saw them from the train Home with stranger kin Camp in the kitchen Tears and sweet refrain Pining, dining, late reclining Pillow steals my brain Stop through, see you All we’ve been through Are we not the same?

In Memoriam by The Oh Hellos (Sleeping next to the Wildmother’s tree. Uk’otoa strikes again, but she saves him, brings him to her, and offers him a place of refuge to seek and strive for. For the first night in a long time, his sleep is peaceful.)

Well, it’s a long way out to reach the sea But I’m sure I’ll find you waiting there for me And by the time I blink, I’ll see your wild arms swinging Just to meet me in the middle of the road And you’ll hold me like you’ll never let me go And beside the salty water, I could hold you close But you are far too beautiful to love me

Diver (Acoustic) by Kid Astray (The Wildmother’s tree again, but this time his eyes are on Jester only. Also known as: He literally jumps off a tree into a deep dive to save her guys!! That’s some Disney bullshit!!)

So dive in with me, leave without the feeling that you’re on your own Hold fast drifting, know that I won’t go before you’ve had enough ‘Cause I can be anything that you want me to be, anything that you need me to be So dive in with me, dive in with me

 A Lullaby of Home by Jessica Curry (Bazzozan, Oban, and the loss of Yasha. The feeling of betrayal that strikes deep to his core.)

Instrumental

The Difference by Noah Gunderson (Fjord and Nott are parallel stories. The weird understanding and also misunderstanding between those who are in the same place, but had very different journeys to get there, and also don’t want to acknowledge just how much the same they are.)

I hope I don’t miss it Though I know I probably just won’t get it Maybe we were made this way Maybe we weren’t made Maybe we just got here Learning from our mistakes Maybe we don’t know What we’re looking at  The ever pressing question takes a toll

A Little Broken by Storm Greenwood (The Vandran scry conversation. Fjord confides in Jester about all of it, not knowing what he wants, losing his powers, being afraid of losing his friends and himself. She supports him like he never expected anyone to. He leaves feeling more grounded and ready to make a decision. )

And though we’ve been down the hardest road we’ve yet traveled At least we weren’t traveling alone Time ticks by and we’re still a little broken But together we can lighten this load

Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons (The whole damn lava pit thing, that defining choice. The giving up something bad to replace it with something better. Jumping off a cliff and praying you’ll be caught.)

Touched my mouth and hold my tongue I’ll never be your chosen one I’ll be home, safe and tucked away You can’t tempt me if I don’t see the day

Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos (The aftermath. When you’ve named the beast you can tame it, or throw it away entirely. In a way it is freedom. Fjord and Caduceus share a private moment of encouragement and support.)

I know who I am now And all that you’ve made of me I know who you are now And I name you my enemy

Kinda Feels Alright by Wild Rivers (Fjord’s friends love him so so so much. Coming clean about who you are even though it is terrifying, and finding that nothing has changed really, not in the ways that matter the most.)

I swear I should be terrified But damn, it kinda feels alright

Ginger by The Front Bottoms (Powerlessness and the Strength of Self. Fjord was never really weak, he just needed faith in himself, his abilities, and in the love of his friends.)

Back before I got struck by lightning Things were so much different than they are now I got a lot more people leaning on me And all I wanna do is make them proud But this is my body, the only thing I own entirely And it’ll carry me to greatness somehow

Better in the Morning by Birdtalker (Fjord and Caduceus commune with the Wildmother and talk about the importance of faith. There is no requirement to have it all figured out immediately. You are safe, you are loved, you are wanted. Just have faith.)

Be gentle with yourself as you uncover Your best kept secrets yet to be discovered In stillness, boys, clear water to the bottom You will do better in the morning

The Dragon from God of War (The Battle at Mythburrow for the material to finish Star Razor. If there was any doubt that his friends turned family would do anything for him, it is dispelled now.)

Instrumental

Atlas: Eight by Sleeping at Last (Rebirth, Reforged, Revival.)

Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence  But here’s a map, here’s a shovel Here’s my Achilles’ heel I’m all in, palms out, I’m at your mercy now And I’m ready to begin 

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

Im trying to catch up to C2 (im on ep 61) and Im having a really hard time liking Fjord. Idk what it is, if im just annoyed cause i dont think he should be the leader or because hes kinda condescending (to Nott and Jester especially) but god. Its making me really sad, i dont wanna dislike anyone. What r ur thoughts on him? Maybe it will help me change my views on him a little?

Huh, interesting, I had a hard time connecting to Fjord too until after the pirate arc! I genuinely love this half-orc now, so let me try and say why without any spoilers…

He’s an impulsive idiot! Fjord keeps himself under wraps a lot of the time, but whoo boy sometimes his desire to Touch Things like, say, a magic mirror in a pocket dungeon, or unnecessarily provoke, for example, a blood ritual in a creepy underwater cave, gets the best of him. He’s genuinely curious! He wants to know what things do and why! And sometimes he is dumb about it!

He really and truly cares about the group, and he’s pretty darn loyal to it. He was pissed off with Caleb for a long time after #Scrollgate, because he took that as Caleb not really being invested in the group. It was only after Caleb came right into the lion’s den with Nott and Beau to save him, Jester and Yasha that he warmed up to Caleb again. The group is very important to Fjord, and he relies on their support a lot, even while he’s not sure it won’t be taken away from him.

He actually does appreciate what the group does for him! I’m not sure how much it showed, but he was very thankful to Caleb and Beau for saving their asses in the Avantika clash, and to Jester for being kind about his tusks. He’s been growing them out because of what she says to him! I think that’s very sweet. What the Nein does and says to him, all their little and big gestures, are ones he takes to heart.

I think the biggest barrier that stops people connecting connecting to Fjord is, well, Fjord. He’s a very closed off person! That made me suspicious of him early on, but it’s become clear that he’s always been massively insecure about who he is and tries to put on a brave face. Knowing his stoic-ness is rooted in him believing that opening up to people will make them like him less makes Fjord a lot more relatable and sympathetic.

On the leader front, Fjord also very much does not want to be the leader. I think he’s said or at least hinted that pre-ep 61 by saying something along the lines that he’s “happy not to be captain anymore,” and Travis said in Talks Machina that Fjord really had no idea what he was doing when trying to act as a captain, which is where some of his dismissiveness came from. Fjord was straight up bluffing. Again, I think knowing that he’s also confused as fuck about what to do and just acted how he thought a leader should act paints him in a better light there.

Him and the way he treats Nott and Jester! After ep 48-49, the snippiness with Nott is both well meaning and mutual. She and him get very comfortable with bantering back and forth, and she actually starts ragging on him a lot more than he rags on her! If you look at that like the bickering sibling relationship it is, it gets a lot less frustrating. Believe me, the condescending relationship between Fjord and Nott is firmly established as a two-way street at this point lmao.

Jester and Fjord! This one is a bit harder to pin down, but I think Fjord is very aware that Jester has a crush on him, and he doesn’t know how to act around her sometimes. Because this is not a shippy blog, I won’t speculate on whether he likes her back, but it’s very possible. Fjord has never had someone like Jester support him so continuously, and I promise you he appreciates Jester and her encouragements and compliments.

In the end, Fjord is just very bad at showing his true feelings, which is what leads to him being hard to connect to and appearing condescending or aloof. He’s slowly improved on this front over the campaign so far, and by ep 61 has already had a fair bit of growth, though I can’t remember how much he’s shown it yet. I promise you Fjord gets some very overtly sympathetic moments soon, and I’ll be curious to see where you stand once you’ve caught up!

[souridealist]

Nott and Beau, Secrets told and secrets kept

Hey, remember when I was doing these! I finally got back to them. “All” may have been a tall order; I’m hopeful for “more than I’ve currently filled.” Warnings for self-medication -- because, well, Nott -- and violent/disturbing implications. Vague spoilers for episode 14.

“So,” Beausaid, leaning over the table. “Nott.”

Nott tensed,tightening her grip on her new flask. Beau said a lot of things inthe tone of voice that she'd just used, and she said most of them toMolly; it could make a show that lasted all evening, and that wasjust fine for Molly, but Nott had no interest in being part of theperformance.

“Beauregard,”she said, as amiably as she could. “Would you like a drink?”

“Sure,” Beausaid. “What've you got?”

“Whatever youwant, I think,” Nott said, swirling the flask nervously. She hadn'tbeen drinking much tonight; no need, in the tavern's quietalmost-safety. She took a swig now. “This is whiskey, I think.”

“Whiskey soundsgood,” Beau said, holding out her cup. Nott poured her a generoustriple-shot over the dregs of her beer. “I've been meaning to askyou about something.”

“Oh?” Nottsaid, and took another sip of the whiskey. It didn't burn too much,but it tasted strong, which probably meant it was good whiskey. She'dnever much cared; it helped, or it would soon. She hoped.

“When we werehaving that whole thing with Molly,” Beau said, swirling her mug ina slow circle. The tavern light flickered over her face, the narrowprecision of her stare. Beau had sharp eyes; Beau, and Molly, andJester all three did. Nott kept a watch for sharp-eyed people in thesame way she watched out for other goblins and snarling dogs. “TheLucien thing. It got me wondering... are there any surprises in yourpast that might, you know, catch us like that? Stab us in the backsome night?”

“Are you askingeveryone this?” Nott asked, hunching her shoulders. Caleb wasupstairs (safe, in easy earshot), calling Frumpkin back from anotherugly death; Fjord was at the bar, caught up in some conversation withJester. No rescue coming, and Molly and Yasha were outside doingsomething with the wagon, which ruled out any hope of distractioneither. Unless one of the barmaids got up on a table and starteddancing.

“Not yet,”Beau said. “I'll ask them if it comes up. And, look, I'm not askingyou for all your secrets, or whatever. I just need to know what Ishould know.”

“That's alittle circular, isn't it?”

“Ugh –”Beau rolled her eyes. “Look. Don't get me killed over your shit. Ifyou've got shit that's gonna get me fucked, tell me enough that Iknow how to look for it. I don't wanna die over your enemies.”

“Well, I don'twant to die over yours!” Nott said. “Do you have any enemies?”

“Let's say Idon't have any I think are gonna try and stab my friends,” Beausaid.

“Are wefriends?” Nott asked. Beau twitched, the whiskey sloshing in hermug.

“I dunno,”she said. “Are we not?”

“You'rethreatening me!” Nott protested.

“I was not!I was not threatening you, come on, I was asking a question –”

“It was verythreatening,” Nott insisted, and took another drink. “Maybe it'slike the compliments,” she offered, “and you were verythreatening by accident.”

“Eh, maybe,”Beau said, exasperated. “I'll ask Fjord.”

“Good idea, dothat,” Nott said, inching towards the end of the bench.

“You gotta giveme an answer, though,” Beau said, leaning forward. Nott stopped.“You got anything going on that's going to fuck me if I don't knowabout it?”

“Not in thenorth,” Nott said. “Not anywhere we're going. If we get nearanything... I'll let you know.”

“All right,”Beau said, sitting back. “You do that.”

Also, I'm a goblin, and mostpeople are going to try and kill me on sight, but you already knowthat and don't seem to be worried about it – why? Because it'spredictable? You don't mind; everyone minds, except Caleb, and hedoesn't have anyone else; you could probably have someone else; whydid you all let us stay – Nottswallows another mouthful of whiskey and clips the flask back ontoher belt. “Why are you asking me?” she asked. “You said youweren't asking everybody. What about me made you think someone mightbe after me?” Everything.

“Youseemed really determined that Molly should know more about Lucien,”Beau said. “I was wondering if you were maybe... projecting alittle.”

“Youthought he should know more too!”

“No,I thought he wouldn't have to automatically start caring about hispast if he learned about it,” Beau said. “That's different. Youwere the one telling him he needed toknow.”

“Ithink he does,” Nott said. “Anyway, it doesn't matter. He's notready, and he doesn't want my help, and that's fine. It's hisbusiness.”

“So...is there stuff in your past you don'twant to forget?” Beau asked. “Stuff you think you need to know?”

“Thisis turning into an interrogation, suddenly,” Nott protested. “Ithought you weren't asking me for all my secrets.”

“Wha– I'm just curious!” Beau protested. “I'm just trying to get toknow you, you know, break down the barriers a little bit.”

“Ididn't think I was your type,” Nott said. “I thought you wentfor... taller.”

“Agh!”Beau threw up her hands. “Listen, I just wanna know. I'm curious.So sue me. Whatever.”

SometimesNott had to wonder how old Beau really was. Five, six – maybeseven? Or whatever that would be, for humans. Seventeen? Eighteen?She wasn't sure of the math.

“I've...made some mistakes,” she said, instead of asking. “And there'ssome mistakes you only get to make once, and some I only... some Ionly want to makeonce.” She closed her eyes, for an instant: blood on her fingers,bones in her teeth, meat sweet and soft and tender in her mouth, withthe juices soaking into her tongue. Human sobbing in the distance,like rot in her stomach; and the memory of clamping her mouth shut,because she had, she had tokeep down the first good food she'd gotten in months. The laughter ofher clan around her.

“Youhave to know what you've done,” she said, “so you know whatyou're never going to do again. If you don't know you've been worse,then... you can't be better.” She glanced up, folding her arms.“And that's all I'm going to say about it. Unless you want to startsharing.”

“Idon't,” Beau said. “All right. Cool. Just... keep us updated. Wedon't want trouble.”

“No,”Nott said, standing. “I don't think we do.” She paused, thenreached out and snagged Beau's mug.

“Hey!”Beau said. “You can just have more,you've got that magic thing –” Nott ignored her, knocking thelast dregs of whiskey down, and left.

[unicyclehippo]

Jouska for Beau imagining all the ways confessing to Jester would go, maybe? I love your writing!

she thinks about telling her when they step out from tidepeak and into the nicodranian streets. the midday sun casts a statue of gold out of jester and she wants to say - something? anything? but the moment passes. fjord’s shoulder bumps into hers and he mutters an unbothered ‘sorry, careful,’ before slinging an arm over her shoulders. beau reaches up. wants to curl an arm around his waist, wants to return his easy affection. instead, she flicks him and shrugs the arm off.

he doesn’t seem to mind. ‘the day is ours!’ he says, voice pitched for their entire group to hear. ‘what the fuck do we wanna do? what’s the plan!’

‘we have a plan?’

‘first that i am hearing of it.’

‘i never really took you for a planning man, fjord, that’s nice, that’s seems like - ah - like growth. that’s great.’

‘do we wanna see if orly is around?’ someone finally suggests, and they draw their attention from teasing fjord toward their actual mission.

‘or visit your mum, jester,’

‘yeah, totally, yeah we can do that for sure, yes,’

beau thinks about saying it. saying something—hey, why are you upset? hey, do you not wanna see your mum? hey, i think you’re sad, which is a thing i can super recognise and relate to because i’m a bit fucked up at the moment and maybe it’s hypocritical of me to say this but i’d do anything to maybe ease a fraction of your pain, if you’d let me try.

she doesn’t say any of that.

//

she thinks about telling her when jester comes back in the afternoon, dress bag in hand, hanging the hook over the top of the door and peeling back the bag to show the suit beneath. it’s easily the nicest thing anyone has ever done for her—the only gift beau can remember being given, maybe ever, certainly for a long ass time—and it’s not some handout thing but a suit. that jester—and caduceus, sure—had made. for her. for her, specifically.

‘jes...it’s—‘

words fail and she grabs for her friend instead, wraps her in a tight hug.

‘thank you! this is—yeah,’

‘that’s the reaction i was looking for,’ jester says with a laugh. ‘try it on, we have time for some minor alterations maybe. let me know how it fits!’

‘you’re not staying?’

‘i have to give yasha her dress and fjord his coat. but i’ll be back!’

‘to try on your dress?’

jester’s smile is contained, barely, and she nods a few times fast. ‘did you look?’

‘nah. figured you’d want it to be a surprise. unless—i mean—did you want me to look?’

‘no, no, a surprise is good! it’s going to be beautiful.’

beau thinks about telling her then. that the dress has no choice—it’ll be on jester so of course it’ll look amazing. that she’s looking forward to it. that she could get a matching tie or something, if that’s what jester wanted. she thinks about telling her that jester surprises her all the time with her thoughtful nature, her kindness, her creativity—her beauty is the least surprising thing about her.

she doesn’t say that either.

//

they don’t get the chance to dance. beau does, and fjord, but that’s to escape suspicion and it totally works and it’s the smallest bit weird at all. but the rest of them don’t and it’s kind of sad, beau thinks, that they’re invited to a shindig like that—fancy, beautiful, good food once she stops freaking out about the drifting eel-like creatures that move through the tables—and they spent the whole time following essek around and not having any fun at all.

the party is winding to a close by the time they make it back—ostensibly to thank the marquis for having them, in reality to collect marion from where they had abandoned her and maybe, maybe, let someone know about the man mysteriously trapped on the balcony above. faint music drifts through the space still from a band set in the shadowed corner, out of sight.

the glow from the small hanging lights makes jester’s shoulders shine and glitter as she makes her way toward where they had seen her mama last.

‘jester?’ the girl turns at the sound of her name, brows raised. ‘do you—i know you didn’t get to enjoy yourself tonight, what with lord fuckhead finding us straight away and the whole thing with—lord thane.’

jester shakes her head, laughs. ‘it was kind of fun, actually. telling sharpe what to do.’

‘yeah that was a power move, that was awesome,’ beau agrees. nods. she lifts a hand to her ascot, adjusts it nervously. this is stupid, this is so fucking stupid, she shouldn’t do it, she shouldn’t—‘do you wanna dance?’

‘with you?’

beau forces a smile. feels it form rough, unkind, exactly not the way fjord has taught her. ‘i mean, you’ve got your pick of dance partners. i just thought—this could’ve been your scene and you should get to enjoy it. at least for tonight.’

‘that’s true. okay!’ jester hurries back to her, holds out her hand.

beau takes it.

she thinks about telling her. comes pretty close, too. thinks about telling her how lovely she looks in the dusk pink dress, how beautifully her tattoo comes up in the candlelight.

‘your mum is somethin’ else, huh?’

‘mhm!’

‘beautiful voice. and it’s pretty wild that she stepped out for you. that’s hard for her.’

‘yeah. it really is.’

‘well. you deserve that.’

‘mama being uncomfortable?’

‘your mum stepping out of her comfort zone for you. she’s working hard.’

‘she really is.’

beau nods. takes the hand jester offers her and steps close. it is jester who closes the distance, setting her other hand on beau’s hip with a cheerful ‘we have to stand like this, beau!’ and yanking her right in. they sway slowly, turning to the gentle music, and beau hums when the music repeats itself.

‘i’ve never been to a real party before.’

‘most of them are shit. super boring. lots of rich bastards talking about how much money they have and what they’re gonna do with all of it.’

‘have you been to a party then?’

beau shrugs. ‘a few. nothing as nice as this place, but a few. always had to wear a dress. this is nicer.’ she thinks about telling her what it means, how it feels, to be seen by jester. ‘this is good,’ is what she says.

[tornhoodie]

Why should anyone care about anything if any one of us could die before we get to finish it? that’s right ITS A DIATRIBE:

First, I wanna get into this “tone” argument. There’s no Game of Thrones tone-shift going on here (AND ANOTHER THING game of thrones never did a tone shift, they never lied to you about what this story was gonna be like tonally). From the beginning we’ve had characters with tragic backstories, dead families, innocents dying left and right. So, crying foul because a PC died? Nah, that shit is damn-near expected. Matt and the gang have been extremely on the ball to keep the story balanced with death and lightness. Like, just look at all the good stuff with Nila. Her demeanor was a happy accident but still completely within the tone of the show, even in the wake of the tragedy that had just occured.

Second, like SO MANY others have said, the party just doesn’t have the resources to pull off resurrection at the point. They’re probably gonna look all over, but I sincerely doubt they’re gonna find the person/items they need before the soft deadline. Steel yourself for this eventuality. But you know what? That’s okay. Cause here comes my THIRD POINT.

“Why should I care about the story again if the cast is ready and willing to toss aside their own PC stories at the drop of a hat?” What makes you think any single person at that table (physically and figuratively, in the case of Laura/Travis/Ashley) wants to throw away their character? What gives you the idea that they don’t care about the powerful stories people come up with in their head and on their blogs, the incredible fan art, the sheer e•mo•tion packed into every Twitch outburst? What gives you the right to invalidate the sadness Taliesin said he felt that night? Like, damn dawg, that’s cold.

Take an hour or two and think back on all the incredible moments we’ve had with these characters, Molly included. Like Nott telling the group that they’ve got it all wrong: she’s not the daughter, she’s the parent. Or Caleb confessing to Beau and Nott about his parents. Or Jester having endless faith that her mother loves her and wants the best for her, and that the Traveler has plans for her, and all she has to do is wait... and wait. Think about the powerful way you felt when you watched or listened. Think about how everyone else at the table reacted.

None of those moments are wasted if those characters die. The other characters experienced those things too, and carry on that person’s legacy in their hearts and actions as the game and story continues. And you’ll do that too! THATS why we have these memories, THATS why we tell these stories: not just to say what happened, but how we felt when it happened. How it made us feel.

That’s why it’s important for Molly’s loss to stick: our fourth and most important point.

Molly’s literal whole thing was moving forward and being a good person. About not worrying about what came before. And LITERALLY not trying to dig up the past. “What’s done is done, and I’m not that person anymore, so I’m going to go ahead and be this new person now.”

Every single one of the M9 has had their lives positively touched by Molly, and they (at least those at the funeral) recognized that he was about living life in the moment. Here’s what I’m getting at though: to bring Molly back would absolutely go against the theme of his character. He HAS to stay dead, or at least not revived by the party. I think all the players know this!

That’s not to say that the characters themselves know this though. I have every bit of faith that we’re going to see a confrontation between some members of the party if they actually find the means to bring the tiefling back: those of the M9 that recognize Molly’s life and contribution and know that he is better off wherever he is now, and those others who want to remake the world. I think I can tell you where everyone’s gonna be, too, with one exception:

Group A: Fjord, Caduceus, Yasha

Group B: Jester, Nott, Caleb

Cad being very much a circle of life type of guy, he’s definitely group A. Yasha being more into revenge, I think she’ll want to do that more than bring him back. She’ll know he was tortured about what he might have done in the past, but also that he wanted to move past it, to not dwell on it. To push forward and make the world a better place. I think Fjord agrees.

And for Group B... well, Caleb’s all about righting what he perceives to be the great injustices of life, as evidenced by his personal story. I think Nott will go along with this, but she’ll have doubts. I think Jester just doesn’t want to lose anyone.

The wild card is Beau. I honestly don’t know where she’ll go.

Here’s my last point. Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean we’ve seen the last of Mollymauk Tealeaf. I guarandamntee we’ll see characters from his past show up, and the party will deal with it in his memory (I’m pretty sure Yasha is going to take up this mantle should the opportunity ever arise). We’ll learn what happened to Molly. We’ll learn why he won’t just stay dead.

And I half expect for Molly to appear again one day. Maybe Taliesin plays him again, maybe he’s an NPC.

So yes, mourn Molly. Mourn his passing. Mourn a life cut short. But like any other legend, his story doesn’t end when he dies.

His memory will live on in the hearts and actions of the Mighty Nein, and in the fans’ memory.

And that’s all any one of us can hope for, when we die: to be remembered in how we touched our friends and loved ones’ hearts. That’s how we live forever.

I just cant seem to get back invested in critical role. They really pulled a red-shirt syndrome on the fanbase. I mean, that whole molly’s-probably-perma-dead thing was just such a cheap shot at the fans. Like, y'all brought characters back from the dead all the damn time last campaign, but oh NOW it’d be too HARD because … I dunno, drama I guess? “Lets explore grief together”? What kind of game of thrones tone shift is that?

Why should I care about the story again if the cast is ready and willing to toss aside their own PC stories at the drop of a hat, you know? Molly died at the very start of his story arc, so who cares if caleb might turn evil or nott comes to love herself or jester finds her dad? They could just as likely die for no good reason on a bad dice day, with little more than a “thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth” as an explanation. Honestly, who cares about canon-fodder, revolving door characters?

I’ll stick around to see if the revivify does anything, but if mollys permadead for some contrived, half-baked reason then that will probably be it for me.

[readbythestarlight]

c2e91

Fingers crossed for more Essek tonight

Did Matt get a haircut?

Oh lord Sam xD

"Cryptonic Override" lol hi Laura

Lol Laura xD

She’s such a good friend

"0010011 which is binary for YES" is it tho I wanna know

[[MORE]]

I love how the ads have become an arc xD

I’m pretty sure the gauntlets are forfeit already based on the time limit they gave her, but I hope Matt just ignores that

Also TravelerCon keeps getting further and further away I swear lol

Hott boi! OMG HE WANTS TO COME OVER FOR DINNER

IM GONNA CRY

A BABY BOI

he came for dinner to hang out with them and he brought a gift I’m crying

Whispers

OH MY GOD he stopped floating

He’s like!! Relaxing around them!!

Guys I’m so stupidly happy.

He’s opening up just a little bit

Not only is he a prodigy but his mom is the head of his Den?

"I’m not imposing, am I?" Oh honey never

They’re making him so at home guys I’m so emotional

I live for all this domesticity

Cad’s cooking, Essek is chilling casually with them. I’m so happy.

Oooo that’s an interesting take. Essek is consecuted but he doesn’t really buy into all the religion aspect, feels like it distracts from good things that could be done

Oh my god Laura just connected a dot from AGES ago

E: "I can see a similar spark in you, Caleb. I want to unlock these mysteries.... To pursue beyond the limits of what you’re told is capable. To seek the impossible. To do what every archangel before us has failed to do."

Like not to get too shippy on main but Caleb and Essek could be SUCH a wizard power couple

Beau I understand what you’re getting at and you’re right but let the wizard boys geek out about endless magic possibilities

Ohhhh no now he’s talking about things that would definitely interest Caleb

...Okay I can see now though how he and Caleb could not be good for each other, if neither is likely to restrain the other. If they’re both just the sort to delve headlong and get lost in it (even though Essek said they’d go slow) it wouldn’t be healthy.

Whispers!

Essek’s like where is this happy fun ball where is it

He’s a lonely boy who just wants to be friends!

He needs hugs tho and to be slightly less aloof still but it’s fine he can work on it

Y: "do you ever get lonely? In your solitude?"

E: "I didn’t think so, until recently. How about you?"

Y: "Yes, I think so... to be honest, I... didn’t feel lonely in my solitude until I became friends with them."

My HEART

Also Beau likes him which means the whispers were good

Fjord talking about how his goals are now to keep the group safe I’m EMOTIONAL

There’s a lot of sweet things being said I’m crying

I’m so torn about the Traveler because on the one hand for Jester’s sake I do not want him to be malicious (he was her only friend for such a long time, and who would she be without him in her own eyes), but also story wise it would be so fascinating.

J: "trying to find... you know... where I fit in...." oh honey

Jesus Essek you’re dropping the HEAVY lore oh my god

He got his dad killed??

"Doesn’t bother me necessarily, he wasn’t a great man. He had... little aspirations." Hmm... see okay that’s a side I don’t like and a side I don’t think would be good to have around Caleb.

Like doesn’t that sound a bit similar to the Trent/Astrid/etc way of thinking? What’s a life in the face of aspirations? What’s a life when that life doesn’t value what *I* value?

That’s something I hope we get to see Essek grow out of, but for the time being I’m gonna have to admit that suddenly I’m not vibing with Essek/Caleb as much. It doesn’t seem healthy just now.

Here’s another question: is Yasha consecuted

Is there a chance her WIFE could be consecuted?

I get what he’s saying and why he’s advising it, but it would backfire so hard if the Bright Queen ever found out

Ohhh that’s an interesting take. They want to "stop" the war so the war stops prying into what they’re doing

Oh man I forgot about the potion I’m glad they have it.

Oh my god he’s gonna dip in the hot tub xD

Getting some Cad lore and more found family feels

"Supported then as they’ve blossomed into heroes" babyyyyy

"These are good people, despite themselves." That’s the ultimate description of the M9

Beau cutting in is good because Caleb/Essek is now a potentially dangerous thing but I still crave that Caleb/Essek interaction

"It is one of many things that are fascinating about him." Goddd Liam

They’re trying to give Jester pointers for recruiting to her cult

And it’s actually kinda working xD

"Jeff is sold" that’s so sweet Fjord

And then she mentioned the volcano and it’s done xD

Talking about Cad’s stuff now

As much as I love the overall arc I’m ready to get back to character’s personal arcs too

Oh my GOD

"When you’re at an orphanage they give you a shit last name. Mine was Stone."

HOOOOOLY SHIT IT’S DESTINY

Oh my god if this is a coincidence it’s an AMAZING one

Caleb taking some time to encourage Jester

C: "I’m the transmutation wizard but... you’re the one who changes people. I see it every day."

J: "Really?"

C: "Ja. You’re a good friend; and you move people. I don’t know if you see that, but you do. Every day."

Oh Jester, honey... it’s not your fault, sweet pea.

Caleb offering to use major image to "decorate" to cheer her up

God they’re such the best

I’m cryyyyying god remember when they used to snip and snap at each other and now Caleb’s being so soft and sweet with her

TT: "You were my first, and you will always be my favorite." See that seriously lends to my personal favorite theory that he just didn’t exist until Jester imagined him into being and then he became a god because she believed so hard

Awww Yasha ans Cad sleepover because she doesn’t sleep well alone right now oh honey

Cad taking care of them all has just been my favorite. I can’t wait for them to get to/have to take care of them.

Yasha: slightly more buff

Beau: is aroused

It’s so cute that she was so determined to pay for them herself, didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to help her, and everyone was like NOPE

Also I’m so glad that Matt just let her have them and ignore the original time limit

So the first two hours were chilling with Essek, hour three was shopping, hour four will just be trying to decide where to go next

I’m imagining Essek just like sitting there at the table with all this breakfast food wondering when they’re going to show up and wondering if they just forgot or if he scared them away last night and they don’t really want to have breakfast with him, and when he gets Jester’s message he just jumps up and then has to try and play it cool

I love how he stopped floating as soon as someone mentioned it

Are they trying to

They are trying to teach him how to swagger now xD

He’s like please just eat the cheese and stuff I laid out

Caleb geeking out over Essek’s magic tower god they need to stop being cute

Oh my god we could get Veth fully back TONIGHT

Fuck I wish I hadn’t decided Essek/Caleb was probably not a good idea because I am LIVING for the shippiness right now

Like the whole exchange of “we should work together more” like GOD

Okay okay okay slow burn slow burn is fine they’ll have time to work out their issues and learn to reign each other in and it’ll be okay I can live with that and still slow burn ship it

But anyway this is about Nott

I’m... gonna. Miss Nott a lot of she leaves.

Oh fuck oh god it’s happening

Oh god oh god

Caleb is gonna miss her

I mean they all are but if she leaves Caleb will miss her the most. They started this together.

This can’t possibly be the end I can’t tolerate the idea of saying goodbye man

Sam why do you do this

Fjord coming in to say he understands the fear of making the choice to change

Oh god oh god oh god

It’s fine for Sam to crush us all huh

I’m crying guys this whole thing

What

Oh no oh god

What’s going on????

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK MATTHEW

oh god she’s cursed??

Matthew MERCER

HOLY SHIT

what the FUCK

The episode was a ROLLER COASTER

What if she’s just cursed?! What if she didn’t actually die??

On the one hand I’m glad Nott won’t be leaving but FUCK what a plot twist

Goddamn that was good