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thewingedwolf · 2 years ago

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i am rewatching shadow & bone bc, once again, i am a parody of myself, and i really am so fond of Mal in the show, i am deeply nervous about how he’ll be written in s2 lol. not as nervous about almost everyone else - i say ALMOST bc i was not impressed with the way Jesper & Nina weren’t shown to be bisexual, like, at all, & while i think it was just clumsy writing & not malice (the same as the clumsy way they wrote Alina’s race), that doesn’t mean it’ll get better lol. also pls understand i spend half my time shitting on the darklng, ben barnes does an excellent job reminding me why i hate that bitch okayyyy

Mal already knows that Alina’s tent with the other cartographers was moved, and knows where it moved. We first see him fighting but seems like he got there, immediately attempted to find Alina, figured out she had been moved and was wandering around, then said fuck it she’ll find me or i’ll find out she got thrown in lock up again, and decided to go beat someone up so he could show off his kruge in front of her lmao

Alina is interested in the grisha. she’s smiling and curious, clearly thinks Zoya looks cool af (she’s right, Zoya is cool af). Mal spends the entire time frowning at them lol. Could be bc a grisha just crashed his party, could be mal’s general dislike of grisha and the upper class. it’s very funny either way that he just Refuses to smile until Alina distracts him

Alina experiencing A Racism but still thinking quick enough so her team can eat makes me emo but also Mal immediately being like “time to commit some crimes” every single time someone is racist to Alina is so great, get u a real man like Mal

Racism is done very messily in the show and i’m hoping it improves bc like - Zoya is insulated from most racism due to her status, but we still get that comment about “YOU from Novokribirsk?” comment from another Grisha, which seemed like a pretty obvious slight at her being Suli. Alina experiences racism everywhere she goes from nearly everyone she meets - random cooks, cartographers, servants, Zoya, and the Darkling himself. Even Genya sort of brushes off the comment about her eyes as like, typical bullying and not something very different & much more insidious. Mal looks uncomfortable at the anti Shu Han propaganda & I think that’s it? Which feels weird bc he doesn’t have the class protection Zoya has, but maybe he doesn’t *look Suli* culturally the way Zoya and Inej clearly do. Or are Mal AND Alina both supposed to be Shu Han? We know from Inej and Nina (and maybe Zoya, idk, i never read king of scars bc i would have to acknowledge Matthias & David’s deaths and I refuse) that the Suli are still mistreated on a legal level in addition to social, but are maybe treated marginally better than the Shu that live in Ravka, bc Ravka is in an active war against Shu Han. Is that the difference in what Mal experienced vs what Alina does? lol or i’m overthinking something that clearly wasn’t thought out very well before they put it in the show. I just like. Do Not think Mal is meant to be a white Ravkan, firstly bc Archie isn’t a white brit, and secondly because - look at him aksjdjd that is not a man that can really pass for white. I hope they handle Alina’s background better, especially since she’ll be interacting with other Shu characters, in s2 but i also want an explanation for Mal’s background!!!

I do think it’s funny that the sickness grisha get if they don’t use their powers is very informed in the show. Mal makes a few comments about Alina being sick all the time but she doesn’t actually look or act sick at any point in the show aksksk

Mal is so strong, like the dude is fuckin ripped, a fucking volcra tries to rip Alina away and he’s just like “yeah i can take this bitch with one hand” aksjsj

I feel bad for that lil blond boy that clearly has a thing for Alina lmao he really tries to stick up for her and she does not even notice a little bit and then he dies bc West Ravka is like “anyways don’t get captured even tho we’re at war with half the world and you have no resources, crew, or family over here” ya, they’re way better than Old Ravka smh (Zlatan is just as big of a bitch as the king and darklng dammit)

Interesting that Zoya only gets shitty with Alina after both the Darklng & Mal clearly choose her over Zoya. Mal she probably doesn’t gaf about, but it definitely stung her pride that she can’t even pull an orphan from Keramzin but Alina can. Before that tho, even if she’s thrown by Alina, she clearly sees Alina as One Of Us. She even looks visibly annoyed when everyone starts laughing at Alina and her “i’m a mapmaker” response & seems to pick up on the implied racism of the “what are you” question. It’s an annoying response that after being rejected, Zoya uses that racism against Alina to put her in her place but like…I guess it’s not wildly ooc? bleh.

Ivan and Fedyor purposefully ignoring the Shu Of It All when talking about power and privilege is 100% why Alina takes so long to trust the grisha, and so easily turns against the Darklng imo. For all they understand the danger of being Grisha, for all Ivan wants to lecture Alina about her privilege at dinner, none of them even bother to understand what it’s like now, right now, for the poor of Ravka. You serve in the army & let the Darklng indoctrinate you with his nonsense, or you flee like the mother in the first episode does, taking your chances with the slavers & the volcra & the Fjerdans. There are no good choices for the grisha, no good choices for the non grisha peasantry, and Alina’s entire existence, from the never ending racism she experiences, to the death and starvation she’s surrounded by, is a constant reminder how few choices that exist no matter if you’re grisha or not.

So like, most of the bad guys have Weird Foreign Accents and I dislike it. All the Ravkans should have Russian accents but it’s only Fedyor & a few mean servants that do. The Fjerdans all have accents. Pekka has an accent. Everyone else is just a brit, including people in Kerch, even tho they don’t even speak the same language as the Ravkans do, they speak Kerch! Why does Kaz not have some country bumpkin accent dammit

“When our closest friend is in trouble, we do foolish things.” Smash cut to Kaz doing the Dumbest shit in an attempt to protect Inej from Heleen l m a o it’s not one whipped bitch in this show it’s two (it’s three actually, Matthias just hasn’t shown up yet lmao)

When Mal & Alina are both envisioning each other & reach out to hold the others’ hand, hundreds of miles away but desperate for comfort, THAT was the moment i fell for them. Archie & Jessie are just so Powerful okay aksjdjd

feels more obvious in retrospect that he’s not trying to train her to do anything but answer to him. he doesn’t even bother preparing her for the king bc he knows he can amplify her powers, so long as she’s not fighting him.

I do not buy Baghra’s insistence that Alina’s feelings for Mal hold her back. She’s able to summon her powers when she’s angry, and Baghra takes that short cut by continuously pissing Alina off. But Alina also uses her powers whenever she thinks of protecting Mal; she protects him on the skiff & when she remembers trying to run away with him for protection, she can summon a bit of her power. It’s Alina’s compassion that gives her abilities, but Baghra has spent so much time nurturing her own bitterness, watching her son nurture his anger, it just never occurs to her that Alina’s strength comes from her desire to protect the people she loves. Alina goes from wanting solely to protect Mal to channeling her power through her anger and rejection & Baghra treats it like a win but it’s just another shortcut that clearly makes her more susceptible to the Darklng whispering in her ear, not less, and if Baghra had any goddamn sense, she would have seen that she was making her son’s job easier. But like, the darklng didn’t just come out of nowhere lmao, and you can clearly see where he gets his defeatist, manipulative, and bleak ass outlook on life from.

As a certified Matthias stan still refusing to acknowledge the end of crooked kingdom, i think it is genuinely so funny that Mal gets chest wound after gut wound after chest wound in s1 and shrugs it off, but Matthias gets shot one (1) time and dies immediately & cannot be saved by the most powerful heartrender that ever lived. leigh PLS

“you are my true north and i can see my way to you now” IM JUST.

Genya has to hurt Alina’s feelings by lying about Mal, then immediately and smoothly changes the subject to something that will make Alina laugh. She knows she has to betray Alina and she tries her hardest to soften the blow, encourages Alina to return to the blue kefta instead of going too hard towards the Darkling so she has the protection of a color and a people, warns her as best as she can to be wary of the Darklng, even while she’s helping isolate Alina from anyone who could help her escape. i’m so depressed about Genya.

Enter David and Genya loses her damn mind ansjsjdjdjd Alina is doing miracle sun summoning and Genya just watches David the whole time, who probably cannot fucking believe his luck that his weird ass boss for ONCE is letting him hang out with the meanest, coolest, smartest person in the palace instead of Ivan & Fedyor, who spend all their time flirting with each other and bullying him

Fjerda is lichrally trying to commit genocide against the grisha & Shu Han does…some jacked up shit to their grisha lol, and i did a whole post about how the Darklng is just more of the same, but so is Baghra. All their talk of looking out for Grisha, but they both treat the peasantry of Ravka as disposable. Nikolai is theeeee only valid ruler specifically bc he does think of the cost to the peasantry & to the grisha before he makes decisions (something his father and his brother also don’t do lol). And both Baghra & Aleksander allow this “us vs them” bs to permeate through their own people - no grisha healers help the first army, and Ivan reads the dead but glosses over the Otkazat'sya deaths to focus on the grisha. but this is on purpose - if you make the grisha other the Otkazat'sya, you can easily turn them against one another. neither baghra nor aleksander ever work towards like, actual freedom for the grisha by building bridges and relationships between the grisha and the Otkazat'sya, they just turn the grisha into weird, insular child soldiers.

Alina realizing she can just swing on the racists now love that for her

Mal tends to deal with his feelings for Alina bubbling to the surface by purposefully breaking the tension; closing his eyes & going to sleep when they’re thrown in the brig, cracking a joke about going to Ketterdam when he steals her food. But their convo in the woods after they’re reunited is the first time he doesn’t try it - you can almost see he wants to, when she says she cheated on the grisha test bc she didn’t want to leave him, his whole brain short circuits at what it could mean, and it’s a moment where he might have purposefully broken the tension but instead he takes a minute to think before he tries to open up abiut his own feelings - only to get derailed & heartbroken by the realization that the stag drawing wasn’t Alina trying to communicate with him, but Aleksander manipulating & isolating her. But he still doesn’t break the tension - he lets Alina hold him, and he holds her in return, & stops running from his feelings for real this time.

I do find it so funny how Aleksander sees David raising his hand to speak, initially starts to tell him to knock it off, and then realizes David will not understand why Ivan and him find it annoying & just decides to choose his battles aksjjdjd.

Also, him going through the five stages of grief when he realizes Mal & Alina are together, and overdramtigcally monologuing about the orphans of Keramzin being reunited to this random dude who has no idea wtf he’s talking about. Perfect, no notes.

Episode 7 is just very well written. All the conversations are tense, all the action is painful, all the acting is amazing. From David half in tears as he helps enslave Alina, all the anger going out of Alina when she realizes the king was raping Genya, Genya’s guilt & shame over her own hand in betraying Alina stopping her from talking even though she’s usually so composed, Mal’s helpless snarl when he says Aleksander will wish he’d killed him, even Aleksander’s inability to look Alina in the eyes because he knows she’s right to hate him it’s just that he thinks she’s a justifiable sacrifice. Meanwhile the Crows are being the most chaotic idiots ALIVE akskdkdk just perfect, excellent writing.

What i think is interesting is that Alina makes the hypocrisy argument to Genya, and it works. Genya appeals to Alina’s compassion when she admits the king has been raping her, but Alina pieces together that Aleksander placed her in front of the king to begin with. Not a soldier, just a pawn. And Genya is so struck by this argument she has no counter; she just leaves in tears. Alina tries this with Aleksander as well, to get him to see the hypocrisy in his actions - of killing the king because the king is a monster, yet using the fold as a weapon. It has the complete opposite effect because whereas Genya is aware on some level that she’s being used, Aleksander is so far removed from his own experiences as a pawn, as a target, he can’t see her point.

“all countries will answer to us. for who would oppose us now?”

means Something to me that Immediately after that nasty comment from that heartrender, Zoya sees another Suli girl (who, if we remember, someone she is friends with just called Suli trash before getting got by said Suli girl) who is about to be killed, witnesses the destruction of her home and what she will find is the death of the only person who ever loved her as a child, and makes the decision to betray the only stability she’s ever known for the glimmer of hope that Alina can offer her.

It’s also exactly what I mean when I say I hope we get an explanation for Mal’s background. In Inej’s chapters we get the sense that the Suli are a people that draw close together, even outside Ravka. Her curse on Bajan clearly hits him hard; even clearly trying to assimilate into Kerch culture, the thought that his Suli ancestors may forsake him for harming a fellow Suli really gets under his skin. So in the show, what I love is we get a small exploration of this bond that exists between all Suli as outsiders in their home countries - Zoya and Inej instinctively working together, Recognizing that bond in each other, with Inej even attempting to stop Zoya from going back to the ruins of the city, of wanting Zoya to stay with them. And Zoya, despite her pained history with her own people, despite her comments about Alina being [redacted], clearly returns those feelings. She’s so much warmer with Inej, and vice verse, then say, Jesper is with Mal (he’s not cold to Mal, he’s just Typical Jesper). The thing is - maybe you could argue Zoya and Mal kind of take a small interest in each other because they recognize the other is Suli, but Inej and Mal don’t really have that connection in the time they know each other, and Zoya and Mal are much more cordial with each other than Zoya and Inej are. OBVIOUSLY there are other factors at play. But. Whereas we get a hint of Zoya’s own complicated past, and Inej is defined by her ties to her culture, Mal doesn’t really show any of this beyond one single uncomfortable look at a Shu Han propaganda poster, and that’s likely more to do with Alina than his own background. I JUST THINK ITS WEIRD AND CLUMSY OKAY.

idek what to say about Alina’s amazing speech besides HELL YEAH THATS MY WIFE. she’s so fucking cool.

Ivan’s lil bitch ass being like “know your place” RIGHT AFTER Alina gives her “you asked WHAT I am” speech and then Jesper being like “i think the fuck not” and tossing him overboard. absolutely perfect i love that man.

Zoya looks so uncomfortable during the whole conversation by the fire. For the first time, she’s the outsider - the lone splash of color against the browns and blacks of the crows and malina. But when Zoya says she has to go back, Inej shoots up to stop her, and even Kaz attempts to dissuade her from what he thinks is no better than a suicide run. Since her childhood, Zoya has seemed alone, but just as her aunt stepped in to save her then, and the crows attempt to console her now, Zoya is never as alone as she feels.

And neither is Alina! Knowing where their stories end up going, i think it is interesting that both Zoya and Alina are very adaptable and very adept at making very loyal friends. Despite all the odds against them, with them being Suli and Shu, with Zoya being a huge bitch (which I love) and Alina constantly struggling with her own self worth, other people see just how amazing the two of them are and are willing to fight for them, with them, to be near them. Sankta Alina and the Grisha Queen. Wonderful.

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #rani's liveblogging tag #anti darkling #ben barnes is a magnificent actor who imbues a lot of depth into a character that is a textbook abuser & i love him. aleksander can choke.#i’m in mobile so i can’t put it under a cut i’ll do that later probably #rani attempts meta #there’s a lil meta here so it’s going in that tag #if u want to comment u can. u can even disagree but if ur a bitch about it i will be a bitch back

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sohmiya · 1 year ago

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Nikka! I’m crying and banging my head against the wall at how talented you are when it comes to songwriting because I could neverr have the skill set 😫 however I do have angst & Evren lyrics for you <3 (they’re shit though so don’t perceive me!!)

Less angsty to start with—after Second Coming and Evren meet and become friends, I see him happily name-dropping them in their new song (I’d like to think the song is just a fun vibe, it’s currently title-less though):

More angsty! Evren going to the studio at like 3am after that ‘breakup’ argument with Max, and he’s hurt and pissed off.

I imagine he called Cypress on the way there because ✨rant about the girl you love to your best friend✨ and Ev’s all like “Cy, you’re awake!” “I’m more worried that you are” “it’s cute you’re concerned about me, I’m driving to the studio anyway” “why…? Evren, wait, are you still hung up over Maxine? you can come over and we can chat, my siblings are asleep” and Cypress is genuinely upset and concerned bc he’s seen Evren heartbroken before “Cy, as much as I’d love that, I do need to let some frustrations out”

He calls his band and FaceTime’s them whilst he’s at the studio too—and they all pretty much know about Max and him—but also that when any of them call each other at stupid o’clock it means that there’s a song idea brewing.

Obvs had to name the song after their ship name:

I imagine when he performs this on stage that the fans sing back the bits that are in italics.

And when he has to go on talk shows and social media and promote the song, the question he gets every single time is “who’s the pretty red head?”, and he’ll just genuinely smirk and come up with witty answers like “well, listening to the song won’t be fun if I tell you”

And when nice interviewers ask how he’s doing I imagine him saying, “oh, yeah, I’m okay now. it happened, I wrote a successful song about it, and the good things I said about her are true and that won’t change”

But also him being nervous af to contact Maxine bc she could absolutely hate the song and he’d be ready to apologise for the argument in the first place, but he’d text after a few days like ‘hey, are we good? x’ and then like another one an hour later like ‘by any chance, do you know if your ex hates me??’

MILA SHUT UPPPPP OH MY GOD

no wait cause after the second coming name drop i can imagine max hitting evren up as soon as she hears the song and tease him like “if you wanted to collab all you had to was ask” NDJSJSKSKSK and the tennis references mhm i think he did it for me 😌🥂

and oh my god the cypress cameo 🥹 my favorite boys talking about love problems 🥹 no cause you don’t understand. i love ev’s friendship with everyone but his bond with cy just sits SOOOO right with me. it’s like cy acts like a big brother to him and evren acts like a cool uncle to the mini de veras <3

“i could never have the skill set” NOT YOU LYING TO MY FACE AS IF THE LYRICS OF SOMEWHERE THIS WORKS DONT FUCKING SLAP ?????????

knows i’m better than her ex, ain’t even talkin bout the sex

like after every ride we weren’t fucking high and she hits me with “we should be friends”

SHADE HER EVREN!!!!!! SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!!!!!! HDJSSKKSSJ PLS IM GOING INSANE OVER THESE LINES ACTUALLY

and the miracles verse….. “prayed to lady jesus in church”……… i just know your pen was on fire like i’m not kidding i wish i wrote that verse i’m gonna steal your brain

and the “calm during our storms” he really said OUR 😭😭😭😭😭😭

evren acevedo if things also don’t work out with miko i’m single and ready to mingle

i don’t think maxine could be pissed at him calling her out at the “we should be friends” line even if she tried like. she’d be impressed tbh 😭😭😭😭 like she would reply with a spotify screenshot with stw on repeat then she’d quote that line in the first verse to him and go “YOU DID NOT” NDNSMSKS but before evren could think she was serious she’d send another text “JK YES WE’RE GOOD EVREN THIS IS SOOOO GOOD” and considering the emotional weight of the argument that inspired the song, maxine 100% would stop herself from making a joke about how he “prayed to lady jesus in church” because she definitely had him kneeling a few times 🫢 sdhdjskkaks

‘by any chance, do you know if your ex hates me??’

HE’S SOOOOO 😭😭😭 the contrast between the wild ace and evren is so funny yet so endearing to me he’s such a cutie pie <333

max would say something like “idk and idc. i like you- *backspacebackspacebackspacebackspace* “idk and idc”

#i never realized how nice it feels to have someone write lyrics about my character too mila you literally made my day thank you ilysm 😭😭😭😭😭😭#we love an author lyricist and future nurse in this household #au: somewhere this works #mila ✨#nikka answers

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too-many-rooks · 2 years ago

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Tag people you want to get to know better

Thanks @strangesoulmates for tagging me!

Three ships (As I’m writing this out I’m realising they all have pretty similar themes, I guess I have somewhat consistent taste, this is all just reminders of humanity, enemies to lovers, trying to kill each other and excuses to cover my blorbos in blood.)

1.) Alex/Yassen

Can I be controversial and admit this one took a lot of convincing? Originally I was expecting the fandom to be more into ‘unlikely parental figure’ Yassen (which is a trope I’m an absolute sucker for.) but any way these two characters interact is interesting to me, and I’ve definitely come round to it from a perspective of this is only ‘healthy’ because it’s them and no one else can really understand them like the other can, and if it’s not ‘healthy’ it’s all dubious and quite fun. Big sucker for the (sort of one sided?) enemies to lovers, borderline obsession, as character foils of each other, with Yassen kind of representing Alex’s future and the dichotomy of like... sunshine puppy and murder kitty vibes. Then there’s the loyalty to each other before their ‘side’, different worlds and different morals but a unique understanding of each other.

(Also worth mentioning that I like Yassen with basically any Rider - I don’t see John/Yassen as anything but unhealthy hero worship/daddy issues/manipulation but that itself is still interesting, and I’m a huge sucker for Ian/Yassen, either as like an old married couple or people who have a few brief, but very intense encounters throughout their lives. I feel like there’s been a bit of a ‘Yiannaissance’ recently that I’m really enjoying. Do we have an official ship name? Yian? Iassen? Neither seem great.)

2.) Jonathon Reid/Geoffrey McCullum.

Peak different sides, enemies to lovers, vampire hunter and powerful newborn vampire in 1918 London in the grip of a pandemic, great gothic industrial vibe. I played this game obsessively during lockdown. (Can’t imagine why.) Themes of duty and purpose and humanity and horror, the game sort of rushes you into a forced romance with one of the female characters but the chemistry between these two is insane they are kind of obsessed with each other and the fight that happens when one of them tries to kill the other is just TEEMING with homoeroticism.

3.) Villanelle/Eve Polastri

First two seasons of Killing Eve are some of the best television ever created. The theatricality of the murders, and the comedy contrasted with some just devastating moments, the OUTFITS. That ending really took the wind out of my sails with this one and kind of spoiled it for me but what was there with the themes of mutual obsession, both trying to kill each other, Villanelle drawing out this dark side of Eve that has always been there, Eve drawing out this humanity that also been in Villanelle, just the whole vibe of being the only people in the world who could possibly understand the other properly and hating that so much you try and kill each other before realising they can’t be apart.

First Ship - I think the first one I really went insane for was Morrigan/Warden from DA:O. Morrigan helped me realise I was a lesbian I was so in love with her. Still am tbh.

Last song - ‘King’ by Florence + the Machine, I went to her concert this week and she ran right past me it was amazing.

Last Movie - finally got round to watching Everything Everywhere All at Once, so incredible!

Currently reading - chapter 3 of ‘The Viking Diaspora’ by Judith Jesch for my seminar tomorrow. (I really want to read more novels this year!)

Currently watching - His Dark Materials, interspersed with weird niche YouTube video essays, and mildly embarrassing amounts of Bluey.

Currently consuming: last thing I ate was some cinnamon raisin bread with one of the fancy jams I got in the jam advent calendar I bought myself. Now I need to figure out where I can find pineapple and yuzu jam bc I want to eat it forever.

Currently craving: supermarket bakery chocolate chip cookies, and some sweet and spicy fried chicken.

Tagging @countessrivers and whoever else fancies!

#ask game

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roosterbruiser · 2 years ago

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Shit talking exes? Bet.

My only relationship to date was from the ages of 14-17, he was 2 years older than me and basically my only friend because of a bunch of drama with my friends because they couldn’t handle my mood swings/drama that happened with my dads family. (Whole other can of worms). So he was my best friend and my boyfriend, although all his friends let me tag along/were my friends too. Things were good, I think sometimes we both knew we were better as friends but he was also sort of lonely as well and so we just texted all the time or talked on the phone all the time/always were hanging out together and even taking elective classes together to see each other more. Some of his girl friends were sort of flirty to him imo and he’d hang out with them by themselves sometimes and tell me there’s nothing for me to worry about. The girls also always told me I didn’t need to worry. Well he goes off to the navy my right before my senior year. Go to Illinois with his parents and male bestfriend to see him graduate (AFTER seeing a screenshot of a note from his bestfriend - who in all fairness didn’t realize girl’s detective skills and how desperate I was to hear from him when he was basically sending letters to everyone but me/I could tell he wasn’t feeling it (which we had had our moments of basically blah like most long term couples do) - that basically told his buddy how he wished id stop sending him letters in boot because I was annoying and clingy etc.) so my dumb self should have not gone but I was happy for him and did. While we were there a girl he knew from boot couldn’t have family come so she hung out with us that day.. come to find out he was basically cheating on me in boot camp with her and even risking a lowkey dd if they had gotten in trouble (according to another friend of mine) and told me after he was in A school. My dumbass still spent 6 months of us still sort of “trying” to work it out and just kinda being friends and hurt by each other/over it but refusing to officially end it because it was our first relationship and how does one end something with someone who it’s been 3 years with? By the time we actually split it was 3 1/2 years to the day that we decided on New Years Eve while he was back in town that we would be over. Still spent the two weeks he was home before that together though.. fast forward 2 months and one of his old girlfriends is messaging me saying he’s flirting with her and asking me what’s up and so I told her we split and that it was fine if she decided to see what happened with him. 4 months later they were engaged and a few months later she was pregnant. He came back for my highschool graduation (so right around when they got engaged) and it was nice to sort of have my friend back without all the hurt since it had been a few months. Man lowkey tried to say he wished we had had sex - we did other things but never actually intercourse because he was big on no sex till marriage (WHICH LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT BUDDY) *just making it known that here I am at 27 still a virgin* - and I obviously was like uhhh no. LOL. Once he left after my graduation we never really talked again and just drifted apart. All in all I learned a lot, and tbh it’s not like I hate him bc he still was my bestfriend throughout highschool even though we both sometimes were horrible to each other. I am a little salty looking back though bc I might have been one of those horrible teenage girlfriends that we are a lot of at 16 bc you don’t know better but he really did do some fucked up things there that I didn’t deserve and that really fucked with my already low self esteem/body image issues. Bc of course then I was wondering if it was bc I was plus sized etc.

I know that was a lot but figured I’d jump on the shitty ex train.

I am so glad you did jump on the crazy ex train!! holy moly!! this read as a very epic saga!!

after reading your story, I just want to say that I am SO HAPPY you understand your self-worth!! you truly deserve all the good things in the world and if you're with someone who doesn't believe that, kick them to the curb!!

I will say, ending long-term relationships is literally so fucking hard, even if they're circling the drain. especially if it's a first!! I admire your strength and growth so much!!

and pls know you have so many fans here now!! that is such a slay moment for you!! I love the self-love and realizing you're worth MORE!!

#m answers #slumber party #exes shmexes

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torturedbitchesdepartment · 7 months ago

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i also find it interesting that taylor calling herself a child at 19 in WCS is perceived uncritically (rightfully so)#and yet “i’m only 17 i don’t know anything” is perceived as a way of james shirking responsibility rather than a genuine statement#very inch resting

sorry just saw this tag and it's something that's really interesting to me so i wanted to chat about it lol. for me, i always interpreted him saying he's 17 and doesn't know anything to be a contrast from cardigan, where betty's age is used to undermine her and invalidate her perspective. i'm much more eloquent about this in my teenage love triangle analysis (it's very long but if you do want to read it it's under the folklore tag on my blog, you don't have to tho bc like i said, long) in a section called "the gender of it all" but gender plays a huge role in the way she tells this story that i find really interesting

and i don't disagree! i think that the idea of youth for boys being used as a get-out-of-jail-free card (ie peter) while it's used to discredit women is something that's very present in a lot of her work.

when folklore came out, i remember i was on instagram (which was my first mistake bc we all know how instagram swifties are) and someone (who i'm assuming was very young) said something like "i can't believe james would say he's only 17 when he's almost an adult." and i was a little taken aback because 1) "almost" is the operative word" 2) i think most people can attest to the fact that growing up isn't a thing where at 11:59 PM on the eve of your 18th birthday, you have the brain of a child, and then the clock strikes midnight and suddenly you have an adult brain and adult decision making skills.

i am also very guilty of being the ones who "assume you know nothing" when you're young! when i was 16 i was in a very bizarre feud with a girl who was in college who like, came back from college so she could go to a party i was at and humiliate me? and like, her dislike of me was very valid because i'd said some annoying and dumb things, but my takeaway from that was "that is such a weird thing that she did, teenagers should be able to say and do dumb stuff without worrying about being crucified" and going forward, i was a lot more lenient when underclassmen would say and do dumb stuff (although i do acknowledge that "being dumb and annoying" is in a very different league than "cheating on your girlfriend", although i do really like @maryoliveoil 's interpretation that they weren't really dating and were actually just in a "will they won't they" situation. it's actually led to me being a little TOO accommodating of youth stupidity (i always joke that i'd make a terrible juvenile court judge because i'd be like "oh, you burnt a building down? that's understandable, tenth grade sucks." and just let them go.)

sorry for the tangent but my ultimate conclusion is that i tend to be tolerant towards teenagers, sometimes to a fault, so i've never capital h Hated james as much as others seem to.

#also #for the record #if he had cheated #betty would not be obligated to forgive him #but i as a 24 year old woman am more inclined to be like #“yeah you did something crappy but you've got time to learn to be less of a jerk”#mine #grace answers

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years ago

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nessian queen i need help

*falls to knees*

just read some acotar and mor was being rlly annoying

can you give me some therapy and maybe write a fic where mor is kinda maybe like subtly insulting nesta the way she did in acowar and cassian catches her and like legit just tells her “mor shut the fuck UP” bc I really need that pls like rlly badly for my sanity and mental health n wellness

*blows u a kiss*

I mean how could I say no to an ask like this? I’m very interested in that period of time post-war, pre-ACOFAS so that’s where this little scene is set. Hope this clears your skin of the troubles you’ve been through

“She talked to Elain yesterday,” Feyre sighed, swinging her legs over Rhys’ lap on the overstuffed couch. “So that’s something.”

“I still don’t understand why she moved out,” Cassian adjusted his wings. They were mostly healed, but still got stiff if he let them settle too long.

“It didn’t surprise me she wanted her own space,” Feyre smiled sadly up at Cassian. “That’s just Nesta. She’d never let others see her struggling. What gets me is why she chose to go to that awful little place across town when the townhouse is completely empty.”

“I don’t understand why we end up talking about this every night.” Mor lifted the wine bottle from the Center of the low table and refilled her glass. “She left for the same reason she does everything else. Spite.”

“That’s not fair, Mor.” Feyre shook her head. Cassian only brushed the hair out of his eyes. He was starting to feel like he was living in a time warp.

Mor had a point, honestly. They had this same conversation every night. Feyre and him tried to brain storm ways to get Nesta back, Amren refused to say anything, Rhys kept his mouth shut but sometimes let a laugh out at Mor’s jibes. Then Feyre got mad at him and they all dropped the topic. Until the next night.

“It’s true,” Mor shrugged. “I’m tired of talking like it’s some big mystery. Nesta is being spiteful. Whatever. Nothing new.”

Feyre frowned, but said nothing. A muscle in Rhys’ neck pulses like he was holding back from nodding in agreement.

Maybe he didn’t have a right to be annoyed, but he ducking was. He was exhausted and frustrated and annoyed and just wanted to talk to her.

But he couldn’t. She wouldn’t let him. So, he talked about her. And Mor knew that. He knew that she knew.

“Well maybe Feyre and I are tired of you being nothing but negative while we are trying to come up with actual solutions,” he finally snapped.

Mor’s jaw went slack, a few drops of red wine dribbling down her chin.

Rhys let out a low whistle.

“My solution,” Mor drawled, “is to stop talking about that plague of a girl and get on with our lives.”

Cassian breathed in hard enough that one of his freshly healed ribs sent a sharp pain through his chest.

“That’s not what you said when it was me.” Mor swallowed, shifting in her seat. “When I was a fucking mess after the last war. When all of us were drinking and sleeping around and fighting for a decade. When I-“ Cassian stopped himself short. What he’d done in Illyria was not a story Feyre should learn about like this. “You weren’t so flippant when it was me, Mor.”

“Because you deserve better!” Mor threw her hands up in the air. “You were going through something, but it wasn’t who you are. Nesta has been nothing but nasty and spiteful and horrid since she got here!”

“Shut up!” Even Cassian was surprised when the words spilled out of his lips, but he found he couldn’t stop speaking them. “Just shut up for once! Please. You hate Nesta, fine. I don’t really care, but you don’t need to go on and on about it every fucking night. Feyre and I have asked you to cut it out so many times. Just give it a fucking rest, Mor.” He shook his head, breathing out a long, slow sigh. “Feyre and I are going to talk about her. We are going to talk about trying to help her. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to listen to it, but you do have to just shut up. Or leave.”

Mor blinked. “This is why I say it every night,” she pointed a finger at him hard. “This is why I won’t give it a rest!” She set her glass down and pushed to her feet. “Because someone needs to remind you what she is. You want to help her? Where was she when you were healing? Where was she when the fighting ended? She will never care about you like you deserve! Either of you. She isn’t capable of it.”

“You have known my sister for less than a year,” Feyre spoke quietly. “All of you have.” She shook her head, “I have my problems with Nesta, but I have a right to. You have known her in the months after her very life and humanity were torn away from her and she still fought in our war.”

“She did everything in her power not to!” Mor cried, “she fought training and attending the High Lord meeting and even stepping on to the battle field until the last second every time!”

“But she did it,” Cassian broke in. “She did train. And she did warn us about the wall. And she did speak to the High Lords and she nearly died to draw Hybern out.”

“She nearly sacrificed you, you mean.”

“I wouldn’t even have been alive to face Hybern without her.” The room froze. Everyone went entirely still and silent with that single sentence that grazed against two things they never spoke of. Cassian’s guilt regarding his legions, and the reason Nesta was able to pull him from the sky at all.

“You don’t have to like her,” Cassian repeated. “But just shut up about it.”

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #nesta archeron #acosf #cassian #a court of thorns and roses #nesta and cassian #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #anti morrigan #anti mor #a court of frost and starlight #a court of war and ruin

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moonchildstyles · 2 years ago

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Imagine if Angel had a break in school, like spring break or fall break or something like that, so she didn’t have to get up early. But h still had to work. So when morning time rolls around and he’s getting out of bed soooo early (really not that early but it feels like it to Angel cus they stayed up late 🥸) and Angel stirs awake cus she’s laying on his chest, and he’s trying to put her on her own pillow so he can get ready. And maybe she’s still in a pretty spacey headspace from the night before (cus it had really only been a couple hours at best, they were up late) and she’d tighten her grip sooooo hard on him and let out a whimper when he try’s to slip away. And he’s “I know baby. I know you’re sleepy” kissing her head “you can sleep still angel. Go back to sleep” and she’s soooo whiney, whinier then he has ever heard her and “noooo. Was comfy. Want you to stay. Please” and he’s “have to work baby” and this is the first time she’d open her eyes all morning and she’s sooooooo 🥺 and he’s “baby :( baby don’t do this to me. Hate making you sad. Please don’t be sad” and she’s “stay” and he’s “people need me Angel. Need me to tattoo them, they’re gonna be waiting” and she’s “but..I need you too” and he’s :((((((((( “you’re making this so hard love. Already hate leaving you. Please don’t do this baby, you know I wanna stay with you. I do” and she’s so upset :( she’d turn around and face the other way, away from him. And he’s “angel..baby please” until he hears her start sniffling and he’s immediately climbing back into bed and scooping her up and “no no no. None of that love. None of that please don’t cry. Not over me baby. Not ever” and she’s “but you’re being mean” and he’s “don’t mean to be baby. Just worried about all the people I made promises to. They’re waiting for me to tattoo them cus I told them I would. You understand right?“ and she’s “..yeah” Still sniffing a little and maybe this is when he kinda realizes she’s probably still in a weird and spacey head space from last night and he’d be :( cus normally she’d just sleep these feelings off and never even feel them but she woke up to his work alarm and him moving her to her own pillow :( so he’d feel even more like shit cus he’d blame him self thinking it’s his fault she’s feeling like this. And so he’d be like “how about this baby, how about I hold you until you fall back asleep yeah? Then after you wake up I’ll probably be half way done with work. And you can even come to the shop when you wake up. And we can have lunch.” And she’s “really?” And he’s “yeah baby, really” kissing her head. And she’s “..okay. Okay I can do that.” And he’s “yeah? Okay, you’re my good girl you know that? Perfect girl. Comere and get comfy” and she’d lay on him literally using his whole body as a mattress and just 🦥 all over him so so tight. And it wouldn’t take long for her to fall asleep all wrapped up in him, her face in his neck and he’s giving her head scratches with one hand and back scratches with the other. And she’d be out like a light, and he’d be so so careful in putting her down this time so she doesn’t wake up :((

Omg stop:( so they basically just had time to nap before h is waking up for the day and getting to work so it’s like….idk it’s just not out of her system yet like she didn’t even have any dreams that was how light her sleep was for those couple of hours so when h is waking her up and telling her he has to go like not only is she exhausted but she hasn’t slept off that like…drop that happens after they’ve done A Lot for the night🥺and the way he’s telling her that it’s okay go back to sleep baby and she’s just so sad:( bc he’s not supposed to leave her not like this:( but him explaining to her that he promised ppl he’d be in to tattoo them and you understand that right baby? Can’t break those promises it’s not right:( but it’s so hard for him to stick to that resolve when she gets so upset not like in the clearest headspace to understand what he’s telling her and everything :( like it hurts him so bad when she tells him not to be mean bc he never wants to be mean to her he loves her so much and he would love to stay home w her all day if he could🥺 but ofc he has a plan for her :( he’ll hold her till she falls asleep and that means he’ll have to rush through getting ready and probably just pull his hair back for the day w no eyeliner but he doesn’t care he’ll hold her as long as she needs and he’s already planning her coming by for lunch and he’ll get something delivered at the shop for them to share :( BUT HIM CALLING HER HIS PERFECT GIRL:(((((((((((((((( so special:(

#anon #ask #concept #aster inspo

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schneesisterss · 4 years ago

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Do you have any head cannons for the other Dimitrescu sisters? I loved your takes on Cassandra!

thank you! <3 and Of Course I have headcannons for the other two. (though not as extensive as the ones I have for Cassandra bc you know... brain rot) BUT HERE:

Daniela:

ADD/ADHD representation

stims include, but not limited to: jumping, hard blinking, leg bouncing, word/phrase/noise repetition, and fidgeting with her clothing

and i’m also CONVINCED she gets the zoomies at random times of the day

Alcina, hearing loud and fast footsteps up and down her hallway at 3am: *sigh* “Daniela! Take it outside!”

followed by a loud THUMP and painful groan (she definitely ran into a wall)

hates loud noises but simultaneously has no volume control

especially when she gets excited

Cassandra has to constantly remind her to lower her voice

“AND THEN I TOOK MY KNIFE AND STABBED THE LYCAN IN THE NECK AND IT WAS SO COOL—”

“Dani, i’m standing right here, why are you yelling?”

she loves play-fighting with her sisters

Cassandra is more willing to entertain her than Bela but the both of them like to see their sister happy. so whenever they recognize Daniela getting antsy they’ll wrestle with her a bit

(Cassandra gets way to into it sometimes and makes Bela be the referee lol. Cass always ends up pinning her younger sister with a proud, competitive smile on her face. Bela let’s Dani win, but we don’t tell her that)

has the keenest senses of the three which makes her the best at stalking/killing pray

and since she can hear the best out of all of them, she unintentionally eves drops on conversations

so Daniela, bless her, has all the tea

tactile learner

will just. touch things

“Life hard, Mothers gown soft”

can get trapped in her own head and doesn’t know how to express to her family what’s bothering her

this can make her very reserved at times and she’ll distance herself for days on end

her mother is really the only person who knows how to get her out of that state. Alcina walks up the long flight of stairs to the highest point of her castle. her youngest daughter likes to come here sometimes when she needs the quiet. “Daniela? Are you up here?”

“Hello, Mother.” Alcina looks up to see her daughter lounging on a banister high up on the ceiling.

“What are you doing up there, my love?” Daniela rubs the fabric of her dress between her fingers. “Cassandra and Bela were arguing again. I don’t like when Cassandra yells.”

Alcina shakes her head. Those two were always going at it. She’ll speak to Bela about it later. “I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Daniela then grabs a fist full of her dress and tugs at it, blinking hard. “Come down for a moment. Talk to me, baby.”

and Daniela simply rolls herself off the banister and into free fall. Alcina, already prepared, catches her with ease and holds her bridal style against her chest. Daniela runs her hands over the sleeve of her mother’s dress.

Alcina gave her youngest child time to gather her thoughts, knowing it sometimes takes longer for her to be able to understand them herself. Daniela finally spoke up: “It’s been very loud recently. Around the castle. Small things, like footsteps or glasses clicking, they sound so loud in my head.” She covers her ears with her hands. “Even now I can still hear Cassandras voice through the castle, it’s pushing in my ears. My head hurts, Mother.”

Alcina gave her daughter a quick squeeze before setting her down. “Follow me baby, I want to show you something.” Daniela followed her Mother through the twists and turns of the castle until they ended up at a door that was just like all the others. It blended in and maybe that’s why Daniela has never noticed it before. “In here.” her mother guided.

Inside was a small library and lounge room. A fire place tucked in the corner and, of course, a wall a wine next to it. Daniela looked at her Mother questioningly.

“Listen.” her mother said, and Daniela did. She heard... nothing. Nothing outside of the quiet cracking of the fire place. “This room is sound proofed. Come here whenever you feel overwhelmed.” She leaned down to stroke her daughters head. “Just don’t tell your sisters I showed you my secret getaway room.” and with a wink, the tall woman exited the room and shut the door behind her.

The next day Daniela was at breakfast like nothing had changed. She didn’t even mind when Cassandra yelled at a maiden for breaking a plate, it only made her laugh.

(if you get overstimulated you KNOW what i’m talking about)

personal space? never heard of her.

loves to cling to Belas arm and Bela let’s her bc she thinks it’s just. so cute.

will also sometimes just crawl into her mothers lap and fall asleep. then Alcinas like: “well.. i guess i’m not moving for three hours”

Daniela: “if I run an jump at Cassandra, she’ll most certainly catch me.” *takes off in a full blown sprint*

Cassandra: “NO IM HOLDING HOT TEA—” *drops tea to catch Daniela* *proceeds to cuss her younger sister out, all while Dani is wrapped around her like a koala*

(this happens a lot. Dani will just... climb on Cassandra. piggy back rides, getting on her shoulders, wrapping her hands around her neck from behind and letting her feet drag on the floor, etc. Cassandra complains adamantly but never once moves to get her off)

Cassandra: “hey Dani, I dare you too—”

Bela: “Mother said Daniela isn’t allowed to accept dares anymore.”

Daniela: “apparently I have ‘no regard for my personal safety.’”

it takes a lot for Daniela to get genuinely angry, but when she does, it’s.... bad.

Very Very Scary when mad

turns into a completely different person that you Do NOT want to fuck with

dangerous and violent

much more dark and sadistic as compared to her normal personality

came home one night covered in blood and laughing hysterically. it scared the shit out of her sisters bc if they would try and get close, she’d slash at them with her weapon.

(this was one of the only times Bela had seen Cassandra genuinely worried and afraid for their sister)

when Alcina came to see what was wrong, Daniela, still laughing madly, swung at her too. Cassandra quickly shot out her arm and grabbed Belas elbow to stop her from getting involved. Bela whipped around with a growl but Cassandras glare and squeezing nails told her to back down. Mother can handle it.

Insane Laugh™️

thinks it’s funny to intimidate the maidens by showing her fangs and snapping her jaw

she often likes to find Bela when she’s reading a book to convince her to read to her (Bela almost always complies)

that’s it for Daniela. just a hyperactive baby with a murder streak <3 ONTO THE FINAL SISTER

Bela:

Mama’s (and I cannot stress this enough) Girl

needs constant reassurance that’s she’s doing a good job and yes this reassurance can ONLY come from her mother

INSOMNIAC

this girl never sleeps, pls baby you need some rest

she spends the time she should be sleeping reading books or running errands for her mother (whether Alcina asked her to or not)

she has read almost every single book in their giant library

Cassandra doesn’t understand this at all

“Why are you always cooped up in here?” Bela glanced up over the pages of her book at her younger sister. “This is the library Cassandra. Take a wild guess.” her voice was completely level and had no inflection. Cassandra gritted her teeth, “You think your so much better than me.” Bela sighed and closed her book. She didn’t want to do this again. “No. I don’t.” she said seriously. Cassandra eyed her for a moment then looked away, Bela saw the guilt on her face before she turned on her heal. “You’re so boring.”

because she reads so much, she is incredibly smart and just knows facts about random things

Daniela, daydreaming: “I wonder why grass is green.”

Bela, immediately: “the pigment that most grasses produce, Chlorophyll, absorbs almost all blue and red light and reflects green light which is why we see green. so I mean, technically grass is every single color EXCEPT for green.

Dani, confused as fuck: ....

Cass: “Bitch, how do you even know that?”

Bela’s sisters just end up using her as Google

“Hey Bela, how far away is the moon?” “238,900 miles.”

“Hey Bela, how many different climates are there?” “Twelve”

“Hey Bela, what’s the worlds deadliest poison?” “Botulinum... why?” “No reason.” “Dani. WHY?”

“Hey Bela, how much can I sell a human skull on the black market for?” Bela, concerned: “Cassandra why would—” “HOW MUCH?” “Well... are all the teeth still in tact?” “...No.” “Than only about $500.” “FUCK.”

“Hey Bela, I have this weird rash on my back and—” “Daniela. Do not finish that sentence. Go ask Mother.”

she is so quiet

and not just because she doesn’t talk very loud or even much at all. she’s just So. Silent. when she moves

just pops up in random places without anyone hearing her approach

even Daniela can’t hear her coming, which is saying something

Cassandra, minding her own business, drinking blood tea: .....

Bela, suddenly right next to her: “Hey I was wondering if— stop screaming, it’s me— have you seen Mothers lipstick? It’s missing.”

refuses any type of help with anything or else she feels like she failed that task

Never asks for help, Never asks for favors, and Never Ever will burden her Mother with any of her problems. Ever.

(Alcina thinks this is ridiculous. her eldest daughter pushes herself too hard.)

Anxiety™️

sometimes when her anxiety becomes too much she shuts down and becomes very indifferent to things around her. this has caused many fights between herself and Cassandra because Cass will get really fired up when all Bela does is respond with a monotone voice and blank stare.

overthinks literally everything and is a perfectionist

this makes her prone to panic attacks :(

when this happens she shuts herself in her room, not wanting to bother her Mother or sisters

Bela closes her bedroom door behind her and stumbles to her knees. she can’t seem to get air into her lungs no matter how hard she tried. she had failed. Mother asked her to bring her the head of that stupid man-thing, but somehow he knew their weakness.

how could he know? are Cassandra and Daniela ok? where are they? where is Mother?

Belas breathing was shallow and short, her chest burns as she presses her forehead into the ground. She claws the skin of her chest raw, leaving angry, red marks behind, desperately trying to open her lungs.

she stays as quiet as she can, only gasping few and far between. she will not be a burden. she should deal with the consequences of her failure. alone.

a sudden knock on her door makes her scramble backwards on her bottom till her back hits the opposite wall. then Belas worst nightmare, her Mothers voice.

“Bela?! Bela, is that you?” Alcinas words were rushes and worried. the door handle jiggled. “Bela, baby the door is locked, please let me in.” Bela covered her mouth and cried silently while her Mother begged to be let in.

the sound of snapping wood had Belas eyes flying open, her Mother had broken down the door. Bela shrunk into herself. She’s going to be so mad. I’m a failure. the ringing in her ears became so intense she couldn’t hear anything else.

large, soft hands cup her cheeks and a muffled voice through the air: “Bela, my love, you’re alright thank god. Are you hurt anywhere? Let me see.”

Bela pushed weakly at her Mothers arms and said between sobs, “I-I’m sorry, M-Mother.”

Alcina looked at her eldest daughter with confusion, she had no physical wounds, but the look on her face was heartbreaking. “What are you sorry for, my love?” this only made Belas breathing spend up even more, her face red from the lack of oxygen. Alcina quickly pulled her in close.

“Now Bela, listen to the sound of my voice,” she said it gently but just hard enough to grab her daughters attention. “I need you to copy my breath. Do it now, love, listen to me. Do what i’m telling you to.” Alcina took exaggerated breaths and noticed that instantly after her command, Bela had tried to follow, but the smaller girls breath was still choppy and small. Alcina rubbed a thumb across Belas cheek. “You’re doing so well baby. Keep going just like that. Good girl.” a smaller hand was placed on her arm and grabbed at her sleeve. “Good baby, use me to ground yourself. Keep breathing now, you’re doing so good.” Alcina kept whispering soft encouragements and praises until her daughters breathing was back to normal and she was laying limp on her chest.

Alcina moved the hair away from Belas face. “What a good girl, you did so well.” Bela squeezed her eyes shut and pushed into her Mother until her face was hidden. “I’m sorry Mother.” came a muffled apology, though her voice was much more steadier than before. “I failed you, I couldn’t stop the man-thing. He shot at the windows! He knows our weakness, Mother. What are we going to do? Where’s Daniela and Cassandra, are they ok? I should have stopped him for you I’m so sorry I—”

“Quiet.” Bela immediately seals her lips and looks away, already extracting herself from her Mother’s arms. She probably hates her. Alcina simple tugs her back and forces Bela to look in her eyes with a quick tap to the forehead. “Bela, I need you to listen to me very carefully.” Her daughters eyes go wide and she nods. “You have nothing to apologize for. This is not you’re fault and I will not allow you to think that way. Plus, the man-thing won’t bother us any longer, I took care of it.”

“But—” Alcina raises an eyebrow and Bela gives in, nodding hesitantly. “Good girl.” Bela exhales through her nose at the phrase and squeezes her Mother’s sleeve again. They sit like that for a few more moments, calming down.

Bela suddenly shoots up. “Daniela, Cassandra, are they—” “They’re fine my dear, Daniela got a little banged up, but Cassandra was already patching her up before I could even get close. We didn’t know where you were, that’s why I was so worried.” Bela relaxed and again nuzzled her nose into her Mother’s chest, took one more deep breath, then stood. “I’m going to go check on them.”

She steps through the now empty door frame and pauses. She spoke without turning around: “I won’t fail you again, Mother.” and shifts into a cloud of flies and disappears.

(am I projecting again? idk help)

can play the piano

no like you don’t understand, she is so good at piano

this girl has mastered songs by composers like Liszt, Beethoven, and Ravel

she’ll play for hours on end, if she starts a new piece she Will Not get up until she can play it through perfectly

she pretends not to notice Cassandra secretly listening to her play, hidden behind a nearby bookshelf

while her younger sisters always jump head first into a fight, Bela takes a more calculating approach. learning her enemies movements from afar before advancing and ending it in like 3 quick moves.

“Well Bela, if Mother asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?”

Bela, already climbing over the railing: “Hm?”

and there you go for Bela! my sweet child.. please learn self-care.

*ahem* I went overboard again didn’t I? WELP. I regret nothing. Give me more headcannons.

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wowmhha · 3 years ago

Text

‘ AGAIN ‘ - Roronoa Zoro

⸝⸝ ⌗ Zoro ft. Ace x F!Reader ; in which the green haired swordsman and his old rival and friend meet again ★彡

⸝⸝ ⌗ not proofread, smallish platonic friendship and jealousy + angst?? I’ve been having this idea ever since I started writing, also small reference to eren from aot bc yes 🫶🏼, someone take this away from me I can’t write for shit☹️

How long had it actually been since he had last seen you? 3 years..? Maybe 4..? He surely couldn’t remember nor understand other than the fact that you were standing right before him.

“So we meet again mosshead”

God how he hated that nickname, after going away he thought he finally got rid of that ridiculous name. How wrong he was after the stupid ero cook first called him by such a familiar label. And that stupid smirk you had planted on your face never seeming to change ever since you were a child.

“Tch, never thought I would see you again” He replied with not a single interest in his words. Truly, that wasn’t how he actually felt but he would go ahead and die before even admitting it.

“You seriously wound me Zoro-kun~!” You dramatically said posing as such.

The rest of the crew surprised at your interaction with Zoro. “ Y/N, you know Zoro?!” Luffy broke the silence, clearly dying to know how both adults knew each other. Ace could only laugh at Luffys confused face. “Of course! How can I not know my old childhood friend?” You smiled sweetly at the rubber man.

“Rival actually” Zoro remarked at you addressing him as your “childhood friend”. You could only sigh in defeat as the swordsman didn’t seem to buy any of your childish antics. “You’re no fun, like always, seriously..” turning to look at your travel buddy and back at Zoro.

You turned to see his swords your eyes widening as you saw Kuinas old one once again. Immediately swiping it from his waist you inspect it. “Old man really gave you her sword huh?” You directed it towards Zoro who was now urging for you to give it back.

“Hey! I didn’t give you permission to touch it damn it!” He grew closer to your figure failing drastically as you dogged. “Sheesh dude, you’re not the only one who misses her you know..” you replied smiling sadly at your old memories, finally giving it back to the green haired man.

“Are you guys like old lovers or something?? And who is “she”??” Nami asked coming back from her room curious to the old friends interactions. Both of your faces immediately growing red “NO!” “NEVER!” Both shouting at the navigator “geez, y’all seem like it..” she rolled her eyes.

“We’re old friends we used to train together at a dojo” you replied as you put an arm around Zoros neck bringing him closer to you. “But seriously it really is nice to see you again” you added seeing as Zoro looked up at you annoyed.

“Yeah yeah whatever, I’m taking a nap..” he turned around leaving to his favorite nap spot.

It was already night, the straw hats and the princess all sitting around a fire nearby zoro. The swordsman had awaken from his nap clearly overhearing a conversation with his crew and y/n.

“Y/n-Chan~!” Sanji smiled sweetly at the woman “Do you have any partners currently” he asked with no shame although they seemed quite curious too. Zoro could only glare at the cook starting to feel a sting. You laughed at the blondes question answering truthfully “Well, not exactly..” you began, Zoro feeling hopeful.

“I mean.. there was this one guy his name was E-”

“NO!! No way seriously that guy looked horrifying Y/n!! Seriously I don’t get how you got so hooked” Ace answered disgusted remembering the guys face. “Please! He looked twice a man than you did, you were only jealous he had so many girls around him AND because he was stronger than you!”you rolled your eyes at him continuing your story Ace pouting at your response.

“I’m not sure what attracted me to him, but seriously!! He had such nice hair tied up in a messy bun with his smaller hairs on his forehead, he was well built and had the prettiest eyes I had ever laid my owns on. Lucky me I got to talk to him and have some small adventure with him before saying goodbye” you sighed

“So to answer your question im not but I have my eyes on someone” you smiled sadly at the now pouting blond. “I see..” Zoro felt horrible with the new information he had just heard. Zoro being honest with himself knew that ever since Kuina had died you didn’t leave his side and stayed like that until you both bid goodbyes.

He was now regretting not telling you before but there was nothing he could do now. He didn’t have you to begin with, you had only seen him as a precious friend, probably a brother even. He watched as he lost another of his precious friends again. This time one he loved deeply.

Zoro didn’t just like you, he loved you he wanted to be there for you everyday, every hour of the day no matter if it was just training. Seeing how many years he missed you made him hurt specially when you were with another guy and not just any guy but his captains brother. As much as he respected Luffy he would gladly tell Ace to stay 5 feet apart from you as if wasn’t literally hugging you that exact moment.

“You alright Zoro? You look..annoyed?” You questioned your friends expression. He had too many emotions planted on his face you couldn’t figure out what he was feeling. Zoro immediately realized and changed his expression to his usual bored one.

“Yeah.. you should probably sleep it’s getting late” He replied trying to change the subject. “Yeah..you’re right” It stayed silent for a moment before you decided to break the silence for the last time.

“You do know I meant what I said earlier right?”

“I know that” He looked away “It’s nice seeing you again too..” You smiled sweetly Zoro normally didn’t express himself that way. For the last time you hugged him and fell asleep with your head on his shoulder.

Zoro could only look at you and sigh, if he could go back and confess what he felt that day he would. Once again regretting his decision.

if you would like to be tagged in my works click here!! <3

#infranu #one piece x reader #monkey d luffy #one piece #nami #one piece oneshot #portgas d. ace #roronoa zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #📓— works

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perfectlullabies · 2 years ago

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since this dreadful year is finally coming to an end, here’s my DIARY ENTRY because i feel like writing it all down (well, just a short summary of some of the things that have happened)

let’s start with the way i finished 2021. i had a severe panic attack in a supermarket when i was on my way to weronika’s to spend new year’s eve together and had trouble calming down for over two hours. thankfully i took some meds, changed my clothes, called my mom and cooled off. not exactly a great sign for the upcoming year, was it?

first four months were pretty much uneventful, i was doing fairly well at uni even though i still had online classes. i was hoping to get a job (did not get it eventually). at the end of january i started taking meds which definitely helped a lot with my ocd i’d had since childhood and i also applied for therapy

then may 16th happened - your usual monday. the day before i was watching eurovision with weronika, having a great time drinking beer etc. morning after when i was drinking my coffee i got a phone call from my distressed mom. i immediately knew something terrible must have happened, i could hear it in her voice and the way i heard my aunt in the car with her. they never got together unless something was Happening. my mom called me straight from the place the accident took place. she was talking to me as she looked at the car wreck and her deceased mother on the ground, with the police still guarding the place. my 73 year old grandmother, who had just started her retirement after 50 years of working as a pediatrician, had been killed instantly in a violent car crash - a truck had driven right into her side of the car because the man had lost consciousness while driving due to brain tumor. my grandparents were on the way to the oncology centre bc my grandfather had been terminally ill. so that day my grandma decided to drive him to the centre, usually she wouldn’t do that

my grandfather survived the accident itself but passed away two weeks later on may 29th due to severe injuries and ongoing illness. the accident sped up the process. i said goodbye to him and promised him to visit him again - i didn’t have that opportunity

i hadn’t talked to my grandmother since 2017. we had a very complicated relationship, you could say we were estranged. we used to be very close prior to that. not gonna get into details because i find it irrelevant right now. however i wish i had a chance to apolgize to her and for her to have the chance to apologize to me and my parents. we never got the opportunity to reconcile. i hate to think about it

after the accident came funerals, just two weeks apart

my whole family’s crumbled, there’s an ongoing WAR that my abusive uncle and godmother initiated. no details here either, just know that when i use the word abuse i really mean it all - physical, psychological, financial. all kinds

from the very start it was me and my mom who took care of most things. we cleaned the flat back in june, we then cleaned the flat again back in august and today we emptied the basement and the rest of the furniture and stuff from the flat that has been sold. none of my cousins helped - instead they sent me disgraceful messages on facebook

i’ve just come back from their flat, having thrown out most of their stuff that was left there. i’m tired, pissed off and so melancholic

this year has shown me that people don’t have much empathy, pity and kindness in them. nobody helped us, nobody cared. none of my so called friends or relatives cared - they still don’t. people think that when such a tragedy happens, it’s over within a month or so. it’s been 7 months now and the things we’re dealing with have NOT been as intense ever before. everything takes months or even years here. it’s not easy. no understanding for it either

we had some terribly macabre and grotesque ‘’adventures’’ in the meantime such as having to deal with the funeral home who accidentally sold our 2nd burial place to some other family (they ended up digging up some deceased man. unimaginable)

around september i had to resign from therapy i had been attending from late april to late september because my therapist had been the most unhelpful, ABUSIVE so called mental health professional i’ve ever encountered. she further made me believe i am somehow responsible for the things that happened, also relating to my family past as some kind of ‘’curse’’ - as you know, my grandmother’s brother and his wife were killed in a similar car crash back in 1978. so she told me we were cursed. anyway it’s over and done with, i’m no longer seeing her and i won’t ever attend therapy again. gross

in 2022 i had been ill at least 5 or 6 times, each time ending up on heavy medication. so did my parents. my dad had to resign from his job because of health issues and other things. i am very worried abt my parents on daily basis

i haven’t slept well since may. i have nightmares, truly awful ones. almost always involving our trauma. i had shown many ptsd symptoms and i dearly hope it won’t develop further. but who knows at this point

when it comes to uni and everyday problems - my thesis supervisor proved to be especially unhelpful. i haven’t touched my thesis since may and i don’t know when i’m gonna continue. uni doesn’t help with anything, i’m all alone with everything there, more so than ever before

i have no support from anyone - it’s just me and my parents out there. doing everything, dealing with everything. on top of it all we received no money from the insurance companies - NONE AT ALL. two people have been killed. we get nothing from it

the man who killed them hasn’t contacted us, not even a message with an apology. nothing

and now the global things - ongoing pandemic and the terrifying war in ukraine which is so close to us. my heart goes out to all ukrainians, i love them all dearly, they’re like beloved family to polish people ALWAYS. i’ve got nothing but unconditional love and support for them

2022 made me believe that there is not much kindness in this world. not much pity and understanding. no empathy. no one cares and life goes on and this is the lesson i’ve learnt this year. you die and nothing happens - that’s what the terrifying truth looks like

#thank u for reading. i could write more but i started crying and also i'm so angry and idk if there's much point...i already said too much

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i-loves-2dguys · 3 years ago

Text

KBTBB OC Headcanon: How They Are With The Bidders

A lil background on my OC

Eisuke

She has a love hate relationship with him.

She hates him because well, he’s Eisuke. A greedy rich asshole who always wants his way and never takes “no” as an answer. Eisuke stans, don’t come for me pls-

I’d say the reason she loves him is because he has the ability to do good things, and sometimes he does that.

She also does think he’s attractive, but she’ll never admit it to him because that’ll just fuel his already big ego.

When talking with him, it’s all passive aggressive.

If he’s being all stubborn with the MC (she exists in my AU), then she’ll start standing up for her and just go off on him.

When she found out about his sister, she also tried helping to track her down for many hours a day

Overall, they try to avoid interacting unless they actually need to.

Soryu

Before falling in love (bc they’re together in my AU), she’s kinda annoyed by his disrespect to the MC.

Like okay, but she’s literally not being like every other woman? SHE’S A KIND SOUL

One time, she managed to throw him onto the floor when they were challenging each other because he underestimated her strength and tried to go easy. He couldn’t face her the next day-

She definitely does respect him because she sees that despite his dislike for women, he’s a man with good morals.

That’s one of the reasons she falls in love, and their other similarities draw them closer.

She likes to tag along on some of his missions if they involve fights because it means a lot of thrilling action.

She is able to use a gun, but only uses it if necessary; knives are preferred

They’re not lovey dovey in front of the others, but when they’re home they show a lot of affection to each other so much that they become different people.

He gets jealous when she hangs out with the others a little too much, but she makes up for it with a lot of affection

The only time they argue is when they want the other to stay safe from danger despite their high ability to defend themselves.

They cuddle in any way they can when they sleep.

A lil backstory detail: They met back then in high school, but it was only once so they never remembered it until school was mentioned.

Baba

Despite the fact that he’s a flirt, she actually thinks he’s a funny and amazing person.

Well at first, she was a little iffy about him due to his flirty nature but she got used to it. He used that later on to get Soryu to show his affection for her.

They are almost besties, but you know his #1 best friend is Ota and no one else can take that title.

Sometimes she acts as a wingwoman for him and tries her best to convince women that he’s a great guy. But then the dates go wrong-

When she gets with Soryu, she goes to Baba for advice since he has experience and well, he’s a guy- (Soryu also goes to him but he doesn’t tell her-)

Whenever Soryu wants to pull his gun out on him, she tries her best to calm him down because she actually cares about Baba :)

They play video games together and do funny videos (sometimes even pranking the other bidders).

Overall, they’re just two goofballs that have fun together.

Ota

Fake-

She thinks he’s a two-faced prick but once she hears about his backstory from Baba, she understands his reasoning.

Finds his kink and habit of calling the MC his deceased dog’s name super weird and unnecessary-

They sort of get along? But mostly because they both love the arts and so they try to inspire each other.

She took some lessons from him and now she draws pretty well.

She will have those moments where she will tell Ota to shut the hell up because he’s making stupid jokes or is picking on the MC.

Love hate relationship, but actually is more chill with Ota.

Mamoru

First impression was him snoring by the window.

Didn’t know he was a cop until she heard him talking on the phone with the station about a case.

She would wake him up every time she saw him leave anything behind that the MC would have to clean and force him to do it himself. Lots of yelling would occur, letting everyone know what was obviously happening-

Also tells him to go work by giving motivational speeches about justice and protecting the innocent Spoiler: They almost work but never do

They talk from time to time about life, other times he sleeps on one couch and she sleeps on the other when there’s nothing else to do. Eisuke gets mad when this happens because of possible drool stains-

One time she gave him help in tracking down a criminal who was kidnapping girls.

He treats her like his daughter, telling her to be safe whenever she goes on missions and makes sure she’s taking care of herself.

Though Soryu hates him, he lets her hang out with him and doesn’t say anything while they’re talking to each other.

Luke

Thought he looked innocent, but then learned about his thing about bones

Fortunately he never paid attention to hers but when he would approach the MC a little too closely, she would intervene and try to gently push him back

She still trusts him because Soryu and Eisuke does too

Gets checkups from him whenever she feels her injuries could be serious

She notices how much sleep and food he lacks, so along with the MC she helps encourage him to take better care of himself

They try to make simple meals so that he can start off lightly, and try using sleeping sounds to have him pass out automatically

It’s not easy, but having two ladies beg him to take better care should be encouraging enough

For conversations, the only occurrence is when she’s telling him to take care of his health, but sometimes she has questions about the body anatomy that she asks him.

Shuichi

Rarely sees him, but the first time she saw him was when he had a meeting with Eisuke.

He gave a mix Soryu and Eisuke vibes, but with glasses

She doesn’t really think much of him, since she doesn’t know much about him

She likes when he and Eisuke disagree or argue, because it’s satisfying to her seeing Eisuke getting a taste of his own medicine.

Sometimes helps him win-

Good acquaintances I’d say

Hikaru

Both are assassins, so immediately they connect as friends

They talk about their different strategies and maybe pick up something from one another

They met through Shuichi, who brought him one day

Sometimes they go on missions together if possible just to hang out or if they actually need more than one person

On their free time, they like to go out and go to amusement parks, do karaoke, get ice cream, just anything fun

Best assassin friends :D

Rhion

First saw him at the auctions, but didn’t know it was him until after

She thinks that his Mad Hatter appearance is so cool that she went to him one day and asked him to do the look on her

Have tea parties sometimes, and she brings snacks that she thinks he’ll enjoy

His kind nature is comforting, so she goes to him whenever she needs to feel calm

Tries to visit often so he has someone to talk to because she knows how lonely it can get

Tries to keep him an innocent cinnamon roll and just loves how adorable he is :)

Author’s Note: I tried my best to put my thoughts into details but this written using the best of my knowledge on them. I was bored and decided to make it in case someone was bored too.

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imherongraystairstrash · 3 years ago

Note

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, do you think Charles,Barbara, Eugenia and Anna were close? Anna maybe less because she’s closer in age to the merry thieves set and she probably ghosted Charles after the Ariadne engagement. Would you consider a fic of them all growing up, starting with them 4 as little kids and then slowly becoming teens and adults and then dealing with Barbara’s death. I think it would be a fun idea since nobody ever considers them to be a older merry thieves.

You can thank my social anxiety for this one bc I stress wrote it in school 🙃

TW: panic attacks, death

Title: When we were young

Characters: Barbara Lightwood, Anna Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Cecily Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Sophie Lightwood, Gideon Lightwood

Anna was sitting by the fire when Charles came into the room. She hated him. She truly did. But, somehow, at that moment, she felt strange. He looked at her and it took her many years back, to when they weren’t exactly friends, but they were far from what they are now to each other.

…

“And that was how Consul Wentworth fixed the crisis of 1687.” Charles said with a satisfied smile to himself.

The Lightwood girls were his audience. Well, sort of. Eugenia’s cheek was resting on her fist, squishing the right side of her face as her lidded eyes approached shutting completely. Anna was slumped against Eugenia, her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes opened wide, staring at a fixed spot on the floor. Their luminous dark blue glittered in the witchlight, looking exquisitely uncanny. Barbara was mid-yawn, leaning on the leg of a sofa.

“Wow, Charles. Thanks for the history lesson.” Eugenia said, monotonously. It was evident that she’d inherited her mother’s sass from the day she was born, when Barbara had woken her up by exclaiming at the sight of her newborn sister, and Genie responded by pulling her sister’s hair.

“Oh, and in 1690-“

“NO!” All three Lightwood daughters shrieked.

“I’m still not done, though.” Said Charles.

“Yes, you are.” Eugenia said, standing up and settling the matter. “We are positively bored. There is absolutely nothing to do except listen to Charles talk about politics, and if those are the only two options, frankly, I’d rather be bored.”

Charles crossed his arms. “Being an intellect is not boring.”

Little two year old Anna looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

“I swear, Thomas is having a better time than we are,” Eugenia said glaring at to where their parents were, with the tiny, almost invisible baby nestled in Gideon’s arms, his fingers wrapped around Sophie's thumb. The parents were all laughing about something, which made Eugenia scowl even more.

“To be an adult.” Barbara said, with a martyred sigh.

“We needn’t be adults to have fun.” Charles said.

“I suppose you’re going to torture us with more political trivia.”

“No,” Charles said. “I was going to suggest we go through the attic.”

The girls looked up at this and Charles smirked, clearly proud of himself at having come up with a good idea. For once.

“What is in the attic?”

Charles shrugged. “I don’t know, but there’s probably strange and obscure things. There’s a lot of that kind of stuff in our house.”

Barbara and Eugenia exchanged a look before the eldest Lightwood sister turned to him.

“We shall go and discover this mysterious attic you speak of.”

…

“What could this even be?” Barbara said, holding up a loose gear-like contraption.

“Papa sometimes builds things out of clockwork.” Charles said, sitting cross legged. “Or, he used to at least.”

“That’s…”

Genie and Charles looked at Barbara as she trailed off.

“Nevermind, I have no comment.”

Charles nodded as though that was a common reaction people had in terms of his father’s experiments.

They rummaged through boxes upon boxes, finding momentos they didn’t understand such as papers upon papers of things that said many difficult words. They could distinguish a couple of words such as “infernal” and “devices”, however there were many that made no sense to them.

“What is a Mortmain?” Asked Genie.

“I think it’s an undead horse or something along those lines,” said Charles.

“Oh,” said Eugenia. “That’s disgusting.”

“Quite,” agreed Barbara.

Anna was toddling around the room, giggling. She almost tripped over a loose floorboard, and would have, had Charles not reached out and grabbed a hold of the back of her dress.

“This is too dangerous for a small child like Anna,” Barbara said, ever the mother-goose. “I shall take her downstairs before she hurts herself.”

Anna protested at first, but acquiesced once Barbara bribed her with the promise of dessert.

…

“What are you doing here?” Anna asked.

He looked up, his green eyes meeting her blue ones.

…

Charles remembered that day like it was just yesterday.

He and Eugenia had stayed behind rifling through boxes, which wasn’t unwelcome, as Eugenia and Charles had an easy, lighthearted and, at times, profound, friendship. Despite their age gap, they enjoyed each other’s company, though neither could say why. Perhaps, it was simply because they mocked each other. Or perhaps, it was sometimes they would occasionally talk about things such as philosophy, and whether what they were seeing was true, or the world was just a figment of their imaginations. Or a mixture of the two; they’d never really discussed it.

Eugenia surprised him when she said, “do you ever feel… different from your parents?”

Charles furrowed his brows, “in what aspect?”

“Love.”

“Have you a suitor?” Charles inquired, intrigued.

“No. Actually, that was my question. I find that, sometimes, I don’t only enjoy the idea of a male suitor, but perhaps, I also enjoy the company of a woman. Perhaps.” She pressed her lips together tightly, as if forcing herself to stop speaking.

Charles looked at her, his bright green eyes wide. “I-um-…”

“But I’m not sure, of course.” Eugenia blurted out. “It’s not as if shadowhunters are precisely fond of that particular preference or-“

“Do you really think they wouldn’t like it?” Charles asked, softly. “Do you believe they will reject those who are like that?”

Eugenia looked down. “I’m afraid I’m most sure of it.”

Charles had then realized that he couldn’t have both. There was no way around it.

He knew his parents were happy and that love made them complete. However, they didn’t have to choose. They could be married and the idea wouldn’t affect their respective occupations. Charles, on the other hand, couldn’t be Consul and have the kind of love he wanted. He almost resented them because of it. They were able to do what they loved and nobody forced them to pick between one or the other.

It was unfair. So incredibly unfair.

“I guess you better get rid of your feelings towards women than.” He said simply, “unless you’re willing to let something as simple as love get in the way of your dreams.”

“Dreams?” Eugenia asked, looking confused and a tiny bit hurt.

But Charles got up to go back downstairs to his parents, aunts and uncles.

…

Charles slumped down in a chair and dug his fingers into his hair.

“She was just here.” He said quietly. “Babs, was just here.”

Anna felt sudden rage. “You are not allowed to mourn her.”

Charles looked up. “Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean I can’t be sad. She was my cousin too. Perhaps not by blood, but she was still a cousin.” He pressed his lips together angrily and stared fixedly at the witchlight stone that was illuminating the room.

Anna, however, couldn’t find it in her to be diplomatic; she got up and left the room.

…

Anna had never seen Eugenia look this way. She was always put together, posh. But now, she looked hollow. Like a shell of who she used to be. Anna wanted to go up to her, to say something, but she felt lost for words. What did you tell someone who lost a dear sister? If Anna felt sorrow, she couldn’t imagine what Eugenia was feeling.

Her head was tilted upwards, looking up at the pyre where the corpse of her sister lay. Tears were streaming down her face, rolling down her cheeks, throat and chest, leaving streaks on her face that looked like the roots of a tree.

Sophie had her arm around her daughter. The sight of the four of them was very strange. There was a gap missing where Barbara should have been. She suddenly felt a hand take hold of her own. She looked to her right and saw her mother looking straight ahead, squeezing her daughter’s hand. Her father was looking down, holding Alex. Her baby brother was one of the few who looked up at the cousin who’d taught him to play simple songs on the piano, and had always let him sleep in her arms on New Year's eve.

She didn’t know what he must have been thinking now, staring up at the pyre.

Though, to be fair, she didn’t quite know what to think herself, as she looked up at the cousin who’s life was cut far too short.

…

Eugenia’s body didn’t feel like her own. She hadn’t felt this body was her own for a while. Even since Augustus and the secret she’d kept to herself.

This was somehow worse. To be torn away from your best friend, whom you’d shared a room with almost your entire life. Eugenia didn’t know how to live in a world without Barbara. Sometimes, in the rare moments when she forgot about her sadness, she’d call her sister’s name, ready to tell her about what had happened in her novel. Or find herself walking to Barbara’s room without thinking and then staring blankly at the door that has remained shut ever since the day she passed away.

A couple of weeks ago, she’d found a letter Barbara had sent her when she’d been in Idris. It was in between her copy of Jane Eyre. She couldn’t bring herself to read it in its entirety, but she stared at the signature blankly.

Suddenly, she got the urge to run. So she ran. That’s how, an hour later, she’d gotten a small tattoo under her ankle that said “Sincerely, your favorite sister Babs.”

It felt right to have Bab’s signature there, we’re only she could see. It made her feel accompanied everywhere she went, even though nobody else could see.

Now, looking up at the pyre, her face tight from tears she’d left to dry, her mother weeping silently, she could almost imagine that her sister was there, simply caught in a slumber and that she’d wake up at any moment and come tumbling down, throwing herself in Eugenia’s arms.

Any moment now, she thought when the pyre burst into flames.

“Ave atque vale, Barbara Lightwood.” The crowd said at once.

Eugenia shook her head and swayed on her feet. Her breathing became heavy and her fingers began prickling. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. No nononono.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, vaguely that it was her father’s.

Not Barbara.

Not Babs.

“Calm down, Genie.”

Not her sister. Her sister couldn’t possibly be up there.

“Breathe Eugenia.”

She wanted to scream that she couldn’t, that she’d never breathe again, as long as her sister wasn’t breathing with her. Why did she have to live? She would have much preferred that Barbara live in her stead.

The world was numb and fractured, never to be fixed again.

…

(Don’t worry, Gideon was able to help Genie after the fic ends bc he’s the best dad)

Tagging: @tsccreatorsnet @atla-lok143 @rinadragomir @youngreckless @autumnangel20 @julemmaes @cupcakesandkittens @no-scones-allowed @ninacarstairss @stxr-thxif @writeforjordelia @icouldnotask @jordeliasupremacy @cordelia-cardale @will-effing-herondale @axoloteca @heronstairs2014 @ilovemanicures @ti-bae-rius @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @readersconfessions812 @nightshade3465 @livvyheronstairs @zemiraa @proudtobealuthor @neurogliadudette @theenchanteddreamer @cheeseandmacarons

If you want to be on my tag list, or if you changed your url recently and your not in the tag list anymore, let me know! Also, if you want to be removed, send me a dm! I won’t be offended in the slightest :) Oh, and if you asked to be on the tag list and you’re not on it, please tell me (I’m very absentminded lol).

#tsc #tlh #eugenia lightwood #barbara lightwood #charles buford fairchild #gabriel lightwood #anna lightwood #cecily lightwood #cecily herondale #tlh fanfic #tlh fanfiction #the last hours #tid #sophie lightwood #gideon lightwood

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hwangsies · 4 years ago

Text

LIMERENCE

(n) the state of becoming infatuated with another person

pairing: hyunjin x female reader

summary: you haven’t spoken a word to hyunjin since he ghosted you after a fun new years eve together, so what’s the worst that could happen when fate (or chaeryong,...well, same thing) pairs you up for a road trip across the country?

warnings: e2l (ish), university student!au, non idol!au ,a lot of swearing. alcohol consumption,long flashback, mentions of infidelity, hyunjin is a giggly sweetheart, smut as in: dom!hyunjin, unprotected sex (wrap it up luvs),fingering, oral (f recieving), slight choking, praise kink, hand & strenght kink (manhandleing oopsie), slight overstimulation, hyunjin is really enthusiastic about consent (as you should be, periodt), reader is nervous and scared of hyunjins big pickle (ew i hate myself), motel sex (but it’s not trashy i promise!)

8.6 k words ,meaning grab a snack and a drink,

and enjoy!<3

---

"alright everyone" your professor rubs his hands together "that was it for today... i hope you all have a great break and i'm very exited to see all of you again next semester. hopefully in person again" he chuckles.

You and your classmates exchange goodbyes with him before one after the other exits the zoom call.

"fuck" you sigh after closing your laptop and lean back on your bed.

"you did it girl" your dormmate chaeryong claps, at which you giggle before shifting your eyes to her on the other side of the room.

She's sitting on her bed, folding her clothes before putting it in her suitcase thats placed in front of her.

"finally" you sit up and watch her roll up a pair of socks.

"my last class was yesterday and mrs kim teared up" she giggles "it was kinda cute not gonna lie"

"oh god" you snicker.

"hey did you find someone to take to yongin?" you ask, remebering chearyong talking about wanting to find someone to share gas expenses with in exchange for a ride to her hometown.

"oh yea, i did" she turn to you "i think you know him, seo changbin?"

You furrow your brows in thought, you feel like you've heard of the name.

"he's a music major, one year above us, hes also from yongin" she continues folding a pair of jeans "funny you'd ask actually cause he told me one of his friends was looking for a ride to seoul, isn't that where you're going?"

"Yea i was thinking about finding someone honestly because gas is really fucking expensive if you aint rich" you say, placing your laptop onto your nightstand.

"Mm you aint gotta tell me girl" chaeryong mumbles, folding a sweatshirt.

"so who's that friend?" you ask, stretching out on your bed.

"he's in his grade, hyunjin"

Your neck almost cracks from how fats you whip your head “hwang hyunjin?”

"Oh yea" she points at you "you know him?"

"unfortunately" you huff.

"o-oh, what"s the tea?" your roommate wiggles her brows at which you shake your head.

"nothing much really" you sigh, leaning back again "he's just like the most arrogant and stuck up fuckboy ever"

"wow, well thats not nothing" chaeryong laughs "any reason as to why you think that?"

"you could probably ask any girl on campus and she'll tell you the same" you scoff.

"really girl?" chaeryong squints an eye at you playfully "cause i've only heard of him being hot but never of him being a hoe. And you know i'm the first to know the hot gossip" she winks.

Laughing defeatedly, running your hand through your hair.

"it's just- we hit it off at the campus' new years eve party, like really hit it off- at least thats what i thought"

"oooh spill it spill it" chaeryong leaps over to your bed to sit at the end of it.

"well there's really not much to spill, i gave him my number and he was talking all that smack about taking me out and stuff aaand to make a long story short i never heard from him again"

"well" chaeryong speaks slowly, biting her lip guiltily "i dont think you'll be very happy about me giving changbin your number for him, then?"

"you did what???" your eyes almost pop out of your head.

"sooorryy" she jumps up from your bed, clutching her hands apologetically "i didnt know"

"aaaaarghh" you whine, burying your face in your pillow.

"maybe he won't even text you though" chaeryong tries to console you, but the damage is already done...

unknown number - hey i got this number from changbin, i heard you're driving up to seoul, i'd love to tag along if you're looking for someone to share expenses with -recieved at 9:12 am

You huff looking at the message on your phone.

After chaeryong had left last night you really convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly dare to reach out to you.

But here you are reading his message after just waking up, and your day is already ruined.

you - who is this? - sent at 9:56 am

You know who it is, but you're not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that you do.

Scoffing when he answers almost immediately.

unknown number - this is hyunjin, did i reach the right person? - recieved at 9:57 am

You have two choices at this point.

1. be petty and bitter about a boy who probably doesn't even remember you.

Or 2. move on and help someone who is also just trying to get home and also maybe get some closure.

So you curse your mother for rasing you so well and suck it up.

you - yea sure, i planned on leaving tomorrow at around 6 pm - sent at 10:02 am

Damn you and your common human decency.

he sus - oh okay great :) i only have one suitcase and a backpack btw so i wont take up alot of space or anything - recieved at 10:05 am

he sus - also i feel weird bc i dont know ur name or anything changbin literally just sent me the number and nothing else lol, also 6 sounds good should we meet at the main building then? -sent at 10:06 am

You're quite honestly not shocked that he seems nice over text because he was the same when you met on new years eve.

you - sure lets meet at the main building, my car is white and my name is y/n - sent at 10:09 am

Cringing as you press the send button because you are 99% certain he won't answer anymore; not that you'd care, obviously.

he sus - alright y/n see you tomorrow at 6 then :) - recieved at 10:14 am

You raise your brows when your phone lights up with his message, does he really not remember you?

Was he that drunk?

Well, it doesnt matter because you don't want to pay for all this gas alone and he seems to be the next best option to fix that.

So you shrug it off and get out off bed to run some last errands and start packing.

Your heart is beating unreasonably fast when you take a turn towards the main building at 5:55 pm the next day.

Calm down y/n it’ll just be 5 hours and who says you have to talk to him?

However you do know deep in your heart that you only wanted to arrive just a little early so you could complain about him being late.

That plan got cut short because your eyes fall on him as you pull up to the main building.

He’s- oh my god he’s blonde. You stop your car and he looks up at you.

“it is you!” hyunjin smiles at you when you step out of the car.

“who else would it be?” you ask, a little irritated at his reaction.

His face drops a bit when he sees you clearly annoyed by him, but the doesn’t blame you; he’d be mad too.

You open your trunk for him to put his weirdly small suitcase into, looking him up and down as he lifts it inside.

He’s wearing dark baggy pants and a windbreaker jacket, the top part of his chin-length blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.

He seemed to have bulked up as well, shoulders looking broader than what you remember.

The hair is different than the jet black hair that you remember on him, but it suits him very well; to be honest he would look good in any hair colour, not that you’d care though.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go by agonizingly slow and in complete silence.

When you drive onto the freeway you can’t take it anymore and mumble something among the lines of ‘wanna listen to some music?’.

You don’t wait for an answer, pressing the radio button right as you finish your sentence.

“uh, actually” hyunjin starts, his hand lifting to turn the radio back off, your eyes snap towards him, is he serious? Turning off your radio in your car?

“I wanted to address this situation” he says rather quietly.

You scoff “what? You realized that this is awkward just now?”

“no- I mean- yes I understand why you would think that but I just really want a chance to explain myself” he stutters.

“explain yourself” you repeat after him before mumbling “sure because there’s so much to explain”

“listen, I know you think I’m an asshole who just ghosted you b-“

“listen, I can handle rejection, you could’ve just said that you weren’t looking for something serious and I would’ve accepted that. The thing I’m mad about though is you literally making false promises and shit”

Hyunjin blinks at you “can I please just explain to you what happened?”

You let out a long huff “sure” you wave your hand “go ahead”

“when you and your friends left at around 4, you wrote your number on my arm with your eyeliner, correct?” he asks.

Glancing over at him, you nod.

“after you where gone, I was already pretty drunk but then my friends decided to drag me with them to a different party that was still going” you see him fiddling with his hands in your peripheral “well I got super fucking shitfaced at that party and ended up puking on this one guys shoes”

You raise your eyebrows and hold back a laugh, which he notices.

“its okay you can laugh” he chuckles as well.

“anyways that guy was not very happy about it and busted my lip before kicking me and my friends out, so then back in the dorm my roommate sat me in the shower because I was full of alcohol, blood and puke”

“ew” you chime in.

“and when I woke up the next morning your number was gone” hyunjin looks over at you “we don’t have any mutual friends, I didn’t know what your major is so I couldn’t even asks for you in the administrating office, and then the covid lockdown happened and here we are”

“you called the administrating office?” you look over at him, he nods a little smile on his stupid pretty lips.

“yep, so, sorry to tell you but your eyeliner is not waterproof” he jokes at which you playfully knit your brows at him.

“believe me, I wanted to text you. I really wanted to take you out; and when you sent me your name yesterday I didn’t know if this was a lucky coincidence or if you’re a different y/n, that’s why I didn’t say anything” he explains.

You take a deep breath as you realize you have to apologize for going off on him just now, you believe him but you hate apologizing.

“well, I feel like an ass for going off on you like that after hearing all this” you chuckle “I’m sorry” you eye him shortly before looking back on the road.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize I get how it looked, very much sus” he laughs with you.

Coming back to your car after you took a bathroom break on a highway rest-stop, you see hyunjin sitting in the drivers seat.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you smile as you sit down on the passenger seat.

“I thought maybe you’d like to sleep since its dark already and you’ve been driving for almost 3 hours” he suggests while putting on his seatbelt.

“well, I wont say no to that” you shrug and put your seatbelt on as well.

“so when did you go blonde?” you ask curiously.

“uh- around end of june” hyunjin chuckles “it was a dare if I’m being honest but I ended up liking it and got it redone”

“oh okay” you check out his profile once more and follow his hair with your eyes “I like it”

“yea?”

“yea, which is weird cause I’m usually not into blondes at all” you wonder.

“hm” he grins “must be me then” he says before winking at you.

“pfff, in your dreams” you rebuttal playfully, at which he laughs and mumbles a ‘true’.

You don’t react to it because you think your ears are playing tricks on you.

“hey I have a question too” hyunjin says.

“what’s up” you lean your arm against the window as you look over at him.

His face is slightly lit by the lights of the other cars, no seriously, how can a side profile be so perfect?

“why did you even agree to take me with you if you thought I ghosted you?” he grins.

You laugh “well, I’m a nice person and I know not a lot of people there are from seoul and my mom raised me right, okay?”

“okay okay” he giggles, the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes you smile everytime.

“or…did you have such a good time with me on new years that you just had to jump on this opportunity?” he quips, carefully stealing a peek at you.

“sure, why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t text” you feign sadness.

The both of you laugh before falling into comfortable silence.

When looking outside your window, you think back to said new years eve.

-(flashback)

“oh my god” you said, stepping into the big hall that usually is the universities gym. But whoever planned this outdid themselves.

A dj was placed on one of the tribunes and a whole buffet of drinks and punches on the other, as well as a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling, making the room shimmery and shiny.

You could see people coming out of the doors that connected into the universities hall on one side and into the locker rooms on the others, as if it wasn’t already packed.

“this is fucking insane” lia, your roommate from last semester, squeaked while grabbing your arm and jumping a little, her voice overpowering the blasting music..

“I wanna get fucking hammered tonight” you turned to her.

“oh babe don’t worry, we didn’t come here to drink soda” she laughed before spotting some of your other friends.

About five minutes before midnight you and some more girls gathered at the buffet of drinks and started doing shots.

You all had decided that instead of kissing someone at 12 o’clock you’d ring in 2020 with a shot, because alcohol can’t cheat on you.

You were laughing at something when some people started the countdown.

10!

“HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Every one shouted and celebrated in union as you downed your shot.

“happy new year babe” lia hugged you after downing hers.

“happy new year!” you shouted into her ear, full of relief that this stressful year was over.

“lets do another one” she grinned widely after your whole friend group had shared their wishes with each other.

A girl you didn’t know very well handed you another shot, just as you emptied your glass you heard a guy yell something before stumbling into your back.

“jesus” you stumbled forward a bit before turning around, ready to throw someone a dirty look.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” in front of you suddenly stood a tall dark haired young man with almost too perfect facial features, frowning a little out of concern.

“nothing happened” you smiled, taking a step towards him so he’d hear you better.

“I’m glad” he replied, a grin slowly stretched across his handsome face

“I’m y/n” you giggled as you held out your hand.

His eyes crinkled with his smile as he took your hand in his “I’m hyunjin” he said before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“okay guys let her have her fun lets go over there” you hear lia usher your friends away from behind you.

“happy new year y/n” he said before instinctively pulling you a little closer to him when a group of people passed behind you.

“happy new year hyunjin” you replied, a slow blush creeping on your face from how intensely he was taking in your appearance.

“well yea happy fucking new years to me for running into you” he joked before taking a sip, your brain wasn’t able to function anymore so you just giggled and nervously pushed your hair behind your ear.

It had been way too long since you’d talked to a guy, especially someone as attractive as him

“you’re fucking stunning” hyunjin complimented you and lifted your hand with his to make you spin for him, to which you complied because you took a long time getting ready and always appreciate being appreciated.

“thank you” you were crimson red by now but hoped he wouldn’t see because of the dimmed lights.

“how come I’ve never seen you around? I would’ve remembered you” he tilted his head.

“oh this was my first year here and I live on the other side of campus so…” you nodded slowly “but yea I would’ve remembered you too”

He grinned before downing his drink and putting on the table next to the both of you.

“wanna dance?”

That’s how you found yourself on the dance floor with hyunjin pressed against your back.

Slowly but surely the alcohol made you braver; and it didn’t take long for the dj to play perfect songs to grind yourself against his toned body to.

His reaction was instant, hands gripping even harder at your waist and his own movements matching your own.

You looked back at him just to have the air knocked out of your lungs, a barely there sheen of sweat was covering his forehead; his pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted before his tongue swiftly swept over his lower lip.

He looked like sex on legs and moved like it too.

His plump lips formed into a grin when he noticed you staring, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol running through your system but you so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“can’t stop looking at you either, pretty” he lowered his head to mumble against your cheek before pressing a kiss there.

“you’re so goddamn sexy” you blurted out as you turned around to face him, running one of your hands through his dark hair before positioning them on his firm chest.

He threw back his head as his chest vibrated with laughter.

“don’t laugh at me” you laughed as you locked eyes again.

“you’re cute when you’re drunk” hyunjin brought one hand to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“you dont even know me sober” you giggle “also i’m not drunk!” you protested playfully, his hands found your waist in the meantime to pull you flush to his body; at which you gasped almost inaudibly.

“oh really?” he looked down at you, clearly amused “didn’t you drink like 5 shots half an hour ago?”

“well well well, I didn’t know I had an audience” you countered, looping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin prodded at the inside of his cheek with his tongue before looking away for a swift second, slightly embarrassed because he just exposed himself.

You felt yourself gush a little when he licked his lips again after bringing his gaze back to you.

“so you almost knocked me over on purpose?” you grinned even bigger when he shook his head laughingly.

“listen” he chuckled, leaning down unnecessarily close because you could hear him perfectly fine but you weren’t going to complain.

“I actually didn’t run into you on purpose, that was my friends doing after he saw me notice you” he said.

You mouthed an ‘ahh’ while nodding, feigning disbelief.

“I’m serious” hyunjin laughed “I still have to thank him later; I would’ve probably chickened out”

He got quieter at the end of his sentence, his eyes jumping to your lips when you wet your lower lip with your tongue quickly.

“i-m glad he pushed you then” you replied, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pumping your blood in record time.

“yea” he inched his face closer to yours as you tilted your chin up to meet him in the middle “me too”

His eyes switched from your lips to your eyes one more time before closing the gap between the both of you.

His lips were firm but soft at the same time in the way they moulded against yours, you swore you could hear lia squealing from somewhere but maybe you were just hearing things.

But when his tongue touched yours in the most tentative way you lost contact to what was going on around you, slinging your arms tighter around his neck and deepening the kiss.

A tiny groan escaped hyunjins throat when you carded your fingers through his hair to tug on it and release some of the adrenalin that rushed through you.

He was slow and explorative and let you take control from time to time before sucking on your lower lip and making you loose it.

You didn’t know how many songs had passed; to be honest you didn’t even remember what song was playing when you started kissing.

All you knew in that moment was hyunjins lightly flushed cheeks, swollen lips and dark glistening eyes.

“let’s go somewhere else?” he questioned in a whisper when you bit your lip, nodding at his question.

He grabbed your hand in his before manoeuvring the both of you through the dancing and celebrating crowd.

Before you knew it, hyunjin pulled you into the entrance hall of the university where multiple people had the same idea as you.

Couples scattered across the big room, some just talking, most of them however making out heavily.

“come on” he softly tugged at your hand, smiling when your gaze falls on him.

He lead you up the big flight of stairs onto a floor of the building you’ve never been to, stopping in front of a random room before pulling a small set of keys out of his back pocket.

After unlocking the door, he opened it to let you step inside.

It was a dance studio, the wall right across from you was just one huge mirror through which you could see the big couch in the back of the room and the water dispensers next to it.

“why do you have the keys for this room?” you asked, giggling.

Hyunjin grinned as he closed the door “I’m a dance major, we all have keys for the practice rooms”

“that’s so cool” you beamed “I wish I could dance” you looked around the room, walking towards the mirrored wall a little bit.

“you were moving just fine earlier” hyunjin came up behind you, nimble hands finding your waist as he looked you up and down through the mirror intensely, now that you were under the bright lights of the room.

You couldn’t help but to smile a little at that, the tight little glitter dress that you had chosen really did accentuate your curves in the best way possible, paired with the cute black heels which made your legs look way longer than they actually are.

“but that was like club sexy dancing, you know?” you elaborated.

“hm” he hummed amusedly “whats wrong with sexy club dancing?” you turned around to him.

He didn’t look to shabby himself, all in black, a chic button up with some jeans and a belt; accessorized with rings on his pretty fingers, a dainty silver necklace and some small earrings.

Some might say he was underdressed, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, and that face of his must for sure be a panty dropper, you thought.

“nothing but… I don’t know, teach me something” you pleaded.

“what do you want me to teach you?” he laughed.

“I don’t know a pirouette or something” you suggested, laughing as well.

“okay” he grinned “this is like the base stance” he positioned himself correctly before looking at you to see if you were following his instructions.

“mhm” you hummed, replicating what he was doing.

“and then you get momentum with one leg to be able to swing yourself around, like this” hyunjin explained before executing a perfect pirouette and ending it back in the base stance.

“that was fast” you chuckled.

“your turn” he grins before moving behind you “try to keep your eyes on yourself in the mirror otherwise you’ll loose balance”

“okay” you said unsurely.

“I’ll catch you if you fall” he winked at you, at which you scoff playfully before carefully swinging yourself into a pirouette.

You landed on wobbly legs but before you could tip over hyunjin stabilized you with a firm grip on your hips.

“you’re a natural” he grinned at you through the mirror.

“well thank you” you playfully feigned cockiness before he spun you around himself.

A few seconds pass of the both of you taking in each others features in silence, the only thing you could hear was the faint music of the party downstairs, before hyunjin spoke up.

“can I kiss you?”

You fell into giggles again as you let your forehead rest against his collarbone before looking up again “we’ve kissed before”

“yea but that was like a moment and I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything” he mumbles cutely.

“mm” you nod “ you can kiss me”

And with a smile, he does.

You weren’t surprised when his first gentle ministrations turned into more desperate ones rather quickly because you could feel the warmth spread in your lower regions as well.

He walked the both of you over to the couch, only parting from your lips when he sat down on the black leather material of the couch.

“come here, pretty girl” he took your hand to help you straddle him, your dress riding up but you couldn’t care less if he saw your safety shorts, and he didn’t seem to care either by the way he feverishly connected your lips again.

His hands travelled down to squeeze at your waist before smoothing over your ass and grabbing a handful of each cheek, you moaned into the kiss when you realized how big his hands were.

Your own hands were squeezing at his shoulders before one moved into his soft hair while the other softly rested on his cheek.

The kiss was messy and desperate, teeth clinking together and tongues licking at each other.

The things that riled you up the most however were his groans and praises.

“you’re so fucking sexy” he groaned before moving down to kiss at your jaw and down your neck.

A needy whimper escaped from your throat when he started suckling the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.

“fuck-hyunjin” you moaned when his teeth grazed over your clavicle.

Your hands fumbled before landing on his belt, at which he pulled away from your skin, gently taking your hands off of his belt.

“I’d love to take you out first, actually” his pretty kiss swollen lips twitched up into a shy smile as he pants.

“oh” you were taken aback, you were almost certain that this was something regular for him “I thought-“

“I mean if you just want to fuck we can fuck of course” he chuckled “but- I actually think you’re really cute and fun and I’d love to get to know you better”

Your mouth stood a little agape “uh- I mean-I” you stuttered, your brain not functioning properly because of the alcohol running through your veins but also him!

“its okay if you just want, you know-“

“no!” you blurted out all over sudden, making him flinch a little “sorry, uhm- its just been a while since I had a date” you smile apologetically.

His expression visibly brightens “that’s okay” he giggled “so is that a yes?”

You grinned, leaning in to just barely brush your lips with his, his head twitching upwards in an attempt to connect them fully.

“yes” you whispered, at which he smiled brightly before pulling your in for a kiss by your neck.

-(flashback end)

“y/n”

“hey, y/n” you grumble when you feel someone gently rocking your shulder.

“mmm-what?” you peek your eyes open just to see hyunjin smile at you.

“good morning sunshine” he teases as you sit up in your seat when you realize you aren’t driving anymore.

“just kidding its not morning” he says as you look around your car, realizing your on a parking lot.

“where the fuck are we?” you whip your head towards him “did you bring me here to kill me? kidnap me?”

“wha?- no” he laughs “no, I’m sorry. Right after you fell asleep there was this huge traffic jam because of an accident and we stood there for almost 3 hours so I drove off and found this” he points out the rear window, where you see a small motel building.

You look back at him before checking the time on your phone, seeing it was indeed almost midnight.

“fuck” you swear to yourself.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to keep driving because I was getting tired so I thought maybe-“ hyunjin starts rambling guiltily, not wanting you to thing that this was an attempt to get in your pants.

“hey” you put your hand on his shoulder after taking off your seatbelt “this is good, you made the right decision I think we both could use some sleep” you say.

You each take your suitcases and walk inside, it’s an old building but it looks pretty clean for a motel off of the highway.

“good evening you two” an old lady sits behind the, probably just as old, reception.

“good evening, could we get 2 single rooms, please” hyunjin speaks up politely.

“I’m afraid we only have 2 double bed rooms available, if you’d like to take them, they will however be more expensive than the rooms for one” she explains politely.

“its okay, we’ll take one of those, please” you decide, hyunjins head snapping towards you.

“is that okay?” you ask him.

“yea- sure” he nods.

“alright, room 301 it is” she hands you the key before stating that you’ll have to checkout before 12 pm and what the room costs.

“do you accept card?” hyunjin asks at which the friendly old lady nods before taking his card and swiping it through her little machine.

“I’ll venmo you half of what you paid” you say after unlocking room 301.

He tsk’s at you before shaking his head “don’t, it was my idea so I’ll pay”

“are you sure?” you ask closing the door behind you when he turns on the lights.

“yup-oh” he exclaims.

“this room is cute” you say, it’s small but the walls are a soft sunflower yellow, decorated with paintings of autumn leaves .

The bed looks clean, and when you smell the mouse gray blankets and pillows, they smell fresh as well.

“stop smelling the pillows” hyunjin laughs.

“I’ve never been to a motel, I thought everything would be dirty or ancient” you confess comically.

He chuckles as he comes out of the small bathroom “the bathroom is clean too, don’t worry” he says when you look at him expectantly.

“I’ll sleep on the floor if you want” he offers as you open your suitcase to get out your toothbrush and pj’s.

“it’s fine, hyunjin I’ve slept in the same bed as a male before” you joke.

“well how am I supposed to know that?” he counters, at which you throw your pj shorts at him out of reflex.

When you realize what you had done it was too late, he was already holding them out in front of him before giggling.

“very cute choice” he mocks the small white shorts with red hearts all over it.

“stoop” you whine, trying to fish it out of his hands but he holds them over his head like a kindergartener.

“I remember why I don’t like you” you pout, crossing your arms.

His face drops alongside with his arms “I thought we were past that”

You use his moment of weakness to snatch your shorts out of his hands “gotcha”

“see I told you I was gonna take you out” hyunjin beams at you before looking down at the various snacks he took from the motels vending machine, which were laying in between the both of you on the bed.

“and so luxurious too” you joke, crossing your legs.

“only the best for you” he grins when you open a pack of fruit jellies.

“you know, I was thinking about new years” you say “ and I realized that it was your fault!”

Hyunjin throws his head back as he groans playfully “why?”

“if you hadn’t lost your phone when we got back downstairs, I wouldn’t have had to write my number on your arm; or you could’ve just given me your number and I could’ve text you. But you didn’t even know your own number!” you laugh in reminiscence.

“listen” he laughs “I was drunk and you’re hot! I couldn’t think” he defends himself before taking a bite off a chocolate bar.

You blush a little but play it off with a laugh.

“but yes, I admit, it was indeed my fault” he dramatically holds his hand in front of his eyes.

“yeeees!” you exclaim victoriously.

“I’m kidding though” you pat his knee “I forgive you”

“I’m glad” he smiles.

After the both of you are done eating way too many sweets, you find yourself being really comfortable when talking to hyunjin.

He’s funny, doesn’t seem like he’s full of himself and just in general seems like a very kind person.

“I thought you were a fuckboy when me met” you confess, looking at him.

Propped on one elbow looking down at you, while you lay on your side towards him, his face illuminated only by the little lights on each of your nightstands.

“you did?” he asks confusedly.

“yea” you chuckle “you were so confident and…sexy I don’t know” you place your hand over your face in embarrassment.

“oh that was the liquid courage talking, I’m usually pretty shy” he shakes his head smilingly when you peek through your fingers.

“don’t lie” you push his shoulder softly.

“I’m serious!” he laughs.

“you were the first guy to approach me at a party” you pause “like ever”

“no way, you’re lying now” he furrows his brows.

“nope” you shake your head.

“but I was really close to not talking to you as well, I’m sure there were many guys before me that just didn’t have the liquid courage, like I did” he speculates.

“maybe” you say.

“have any exes?” he asks after a few seconds.

“yea, one”

“well how did you meet him?”

“he showed me around on my first day of freshman year, I transferred like in the middle of the first semester so I wasn’t with any other freshmen” you tell him.

“why’d you break up if I may ask?” hyunjin asks carefully.

“oh we were only together for like three weeks, you can’t even call I relationship. He used me to make his hot ex jealous and cheated on me with her” you say “but hey they’re back together at least” you scoff.

“i’m sorry” he mumbles at which you look up at him.

“it’s not your fault” you chuckle.

“well, still no one should feel that way” he says “you know that you were way too good for him right?”

You nod.

“what about you? Have any exes?” you ask back.

He snickers “only one in seoul”

“why didn’t you last?”

“it was a long distance situation, she was super jealous and couldn’t trust me. which I can understand to a certain degree but everytime I went out she wanted me to facetime her and show her what kinds of people were there with me. That was just too much” he explains.

“wow” you chuckle “that doesn’t sound fun either”

Hyunjin shakes his head “nope, but hey we got rid of ‘em, didn’t we?”

“yea” you giggle “plus if I hadn’t broken up with him I would’ve probably never gone to the new years eve party”

“I guess I owe him something then” he grins as you scooch up on the bed.

“can I kiss you?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

“hm?” hyunjins eyes almost spring out of his head.

“I don’t want to catch you off guard” you grin as you repeat his words from the night you met, sitting up.

He licks his lower lip as a grin stretches over his face as he sits up as well “do your worst”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over to him, when you get close enough hyunjin grabs one of your thighs and lifts it over his legs so you’re straddling him.

Once you sit down on his lap, your eyes lock again and you’re once again baffled as to how someone can be so god damn attractive.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips expectantly, a shaky breath leaving his lips when you lean in.

Your lips connect and it feels like all the pent up energy of liking him since that night finally gets set free, sparks glowing behind your lit and his hands leaving a trail of fire where ever they go.

They squeeze at your thighs and waist, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

A whimper tears from your throat when his tongue licks at yours, he tastes like chocolate and what could only be described as him.

He moans into the kiss when you tug at the blonde locks that weren’t pulled back into the ponytail; before pulling the hair tie out of his hair to free it and finally card your fingers through all of the blonde glory.

Before you realize what’s going on, hyunjin lifts the both of you before dropping you on your back and crawling above you.

The fact that he just lifted the both of you from a sitting position as if you weigh nothing makes you feel all types of hot.

“you’re so hot holy shit” you pant as you push his long hair out of his face.

“ditto” he only grins before attaching his lips to your exposed collarbone and sucking a bruise into the skin.

“take it off” you moan as you tug on the dark blue calvin klein shirt he’s wearing.

His lips release the skin of your collarbone before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head.

If your mouth wasn’t already open from your heavy breathing, you would’ve opened it now because his body is more sculpted and toned than you had expected.

Your hand lifts to smooth over his abs, muscles flexing as he connects your lips again.

His one hand slides from your waist up to cup one of your breasts, gently palming the soft flesh.

“I know I said I wanted to take you out first but-“ he mumbles against your lips.

“you bought me a lovely dinner” you interrupt him, threading your fingers through the hair that’s falling down into his vision.

He grins, dropping a short peck to your lips before his the grin gets wiped off his face “I don’t have a condom with me”

“I’m on the pill” you let him know “I got tested before the lockdown and I haven’t been with anyone since soo…”

“yea, me too, I was tested a few months ago” he nods.

You nod back, biting your lip as you absently play with his hair.

“do you trust me?” hyunjin asks, observing your demeanour.

“yea- yea I do I’m just nervous” you smile awkwardly.

“no” he coos before kissing you “why are you nervous?”

“just haven’t been with anyone for a while” you confess.

Hyunjin nods understandingly “if you don’t want to do this we’ll stop”

“no I really want to” you look into his eyes as confidently as you can.

“okay” he smiles, planting his lips on yours again.

“can i?” his voice gives you goosebumps when he mumbles against the sensitive skin under your ear, his fingers slowy undoing the loose knot of your heart shorts.

“yes” you say when he locks eyes with you.

“I love these shorts” he softly presses a kiss to your knee, trying to calm your nerves a little, before he gently rocks your hips to pull them off of you.

You blush a little out of embarrassment but smile when you lift your hips to help him.

“cute” he whispers when he see’s your panties have a little bow on the front.

He chuckles when you hide your face in embarrassment, pulling you closer to him again by your thighs before you let him kiss you again.

“can I take this off too?” hyunjin whispers, softly pulling at the fabric of the tank top you’re wearing, at which you nod.

You are still wearing a bra when he pulls it off so you take it into your own hands and unclasp your bra.

Your nipples stiffen a little at the sudden exposure to air, as well as to hyunjin’s admiring gaze.

“fuck” he muses when palming your breasts in his big hands, gently pushing them together an running his thumbs over your nipples.

A whimper involuntarily leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around one of the perked up nubs and sucks gently.

“so fucking pretty, princess” you feel yourself pathetically clench around nothing at his praise.

You feel one of his hands wander downwards to provide some friction for you, he slots his lips against yours when you tentatively roll your hips against his hand.

Hyunjin feels his cock get even harder when an almost desperate moan tumbles from your lips against his. So he ads a little more pressure and starts circling your clit with two fingers, your sighs of pleasure mixing into the kiss.

“you’re so sensitive baby” he whispers as he parts his lips from yours “can I go down on you?” he grazes his lips over your chest, looking up at you seductively.

You nod as you bite your lip, hyunjin placing a few kisses on your tummy before shortly sitting up to also free you from your soaked panties.

The first stripe he licks up your slit, and how he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit expertly sends you to heaven.

His hands are gripping your thighs to prevent you from closing your legs, your hands are tangled in his hair and the sheets.

“hyunj-fuck” you cry out when his tongue enters you.

He carefully prods one finger at your entrance “is that okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse and dripping with lust.

“yea” you sigh.

Once you adjust to one finger, he adds a second one, curling them upwards to search for that specific patch inside of you.

“yes-fuck right there” you moan when his fingers press onto the sweetest spot inside of you, tugging at his hair a little harshly. But you feel him moan against you, getting lost in your taste as he sucks your clit in between his soft lips.

Your hips buckle against his mouth as your eyes roll backwards, feeling the warmth of your orgasm approach rapidly.

“fuck fuck yes-hyunjin” you cry out just before he tipped you over the edge with his skillful ministration, your orgasm rushing up your spine and into your head, endorphins spreading everywhere.

A cry of pleasure fills the room as your thighs starts trembling with the aftershocks, clamping around his head when he drives you into overstimulation.

“oh-shit-“ you pant as you softly pushed on his forehead to get him away from your clit, his fingers still inside you, guiding you through your high.

He nibbles on your inner thigh apologetically. You can still hear your heartbeat in your ears after hyunjin removes his fingers from you and sits up, gently holding your legs together to help you calm down.

“fuck” you mewl, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

He’s wanted to do this for so long and there you are, with all of your naked glory in front of him.

While he’s daydreaming about you, you sit up and start fiddling with his sweatpants.

“you want more?” he quips, once he realises what you’re doing, leaning in to kiss you.

“mhm” you humm into the kiss affirmitavely when his hand holds you close to him by your jaw.

With a quick last peck to your lips he simultaneously shimmies the soft black sweats and his boxers off of himself.

You apparently visibly gulp at the sight of his cock because hyunjin smirks cockily “like what you see?” as he crawls above you again, his lips finding yours again and not waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know if you’ll fit” you mumble when he suckles at the soft nook of skin under your ear.

“we can stop here” he offers softly before locking eyes again.

You shake your head as you reach down to fist his length, slowly pumping it and smearing the few drops of precum around.

“no, you’re just really big” you huff with a shy smile on your lips at which hyunjin groans.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, you know?” he mutters against your lips before kissing you deeply, his hand smoothing over the slope of your waist before coming up to gently pinch at one of your nipples.

Eliciting a soft high pitched moan from you, this only spurs him on.

Rolling his tongue against yours desperately and making you taste yourself before sinfully sucking at the wet muscle.

All the while you’re stroking him with your small hand before cupping his balls, as if he didn’t already feel like he’s gonna blow his load way too early.

“please” you whine, guiding his reddened tip towards your entrance.

Hyunjin releases a shaky breath before replacing your hand with his, rutting his hips against yours a few times, coating his length in your wetness.

This already had your toes curling, suppressing a whine as you lock your legs around his waist.

“tell me if it hurts, yea?” he breathes, only pressing inside you after you nod, dropping a kiss to your swollen lips.

“fuck” he swears softly, tucking his face in the crook of your neck when he breaches your tight walls for the first time.

Your fingers tighten in his hair at the back of his neck when a subtle sting flares up inside of you.

“ah-“ your body flinches a little when he presses further inside, hyunjin notices, observing your expression before kissing your cheek and sitting up slowly.

“you’re doing so good, baby” he lifts his thumb to his lips, swiftly kitten-licking the digit before bringing it to where your bodies join.

Gently rolling your clit under his thumb to distract you from the pain.

“you look so perfect like this” his other hand travels over your stomach to gently squeeze at your breasts “all spread out for me”

You whimper, arching your back when hyunjin thrusts into you carefully; the pain slowly subsiding and the ache to be fully filled up by him growing exponentially when his cock rubs against your g spot.

“hyunjin” you moan, gripping onto his hand, which is resting atop your breast.

“yes baby, I’m here” he groans at how tight you feel once he’s balls deep inside of you, abandoning your clit to grab you by the hips for leverage.

His other hand resting on your cheek now, after a few trusts you moan “harder, please”

Hyunjin groans and fulfils your wish, at one particularly harsh thrust, you latch your lips around his pointer and middle finger, sucking at them.

“oh my god-that’s so fucking hot” he grunts through clenched teeth.

His cock dragging along your walls deliciously, filling you up to the brim as you hum around his slender fingers in pleasure.

“you like my hands that much baby?” his jaw is clenched and the grip on your waist is rough , the contrast to how sweet he was just a few minutes earlier had you clench around him furiously.

“fuck-“ he breathes when you nod to the best of your abilities, eyes wide open and holding his gaze.

You only release his fingers from in between your lips in favour for a loud high pitched moan when his other hand finds your clit again, rubbing harsh circles into the bud.

“-gonna cum-huynjin” you dig your nails into his biceps, eyes squeezing shut.

“yea?” he grits through his teeth the fingers that were previously trapped in your mouth now wrapping around your bared throat.

Not squeezing tightly, just resting there as if to show you that you’re his now.

Your thought gets confirmed when he rasps “you’re gonna date me after this, right pretty girl?”

You do look so pretty right now, tits bouncing and skin slapping because of the fast rhythm that he’s snapping his hips into yours, not to mention the subtle sheen of sweat that’s coating the both of you.

A desperate breathy chuckle tumbles from your lips “ yes-yes fuck” you feel your second orgasm creeping up on you.

“cum for me princess, all over my cock” he urges you on, his tip hammering into the sweet spot inside of you repeatedly before you crash into your second high of the night.

Your body convulses in pleasure as you call out his name mixed with profanities, your toes curling so hard you’re not sure if you can ever uncurl them again, and your nails probably leaving painful indents in his skin.

His thumb on your clit slows down until you grab his hand for him to stop, his hand around your neck grabs your free one, holding both of your hands over your head now.

“so good, baby” he mumbles, kissing your lips; mostly just breathing into each other as he rocks you through every wave of your orgasm.

Hyunjin looses himself in you not long after with a guttural moan and his eyes squeezing shut.

You coax him through it when he rests his face against your neck again, running your fingertips through his damp hair and over his broad back, muscles tensing under your gentle touch.

i“don’t fall asleep on me” you whisper sneakily, grinning when he chuckles against your neck, tickling the soft skin there.

He props himself up again to scan over your features, pushing some hair out of your face before kissing you tenderly.

“you okay?” his hand resting at your temple as he gently runs his thumb over your hairline.

“more than” you assure him, cupping his cheeks to pull his lips onto yours again.You think you can never get enough of his lips, anything about him for that matter; not when he makes you feel so cared about and safe.

“so does this mean we’re dating now?” he whispers after he has cleaned you up and tucked the both of you in bed.

“hmh” you nod your head sleepily, positioned on his bare chest.

“so I can spoon you once we fall asleep?” he asks, grin evident in his voice.

“you can spoon me but you can’t wake me up in the middle of the night if you get horny” you mumble jokingly, enjoying his fingers running down your spine as your eyelids get heavier.

“okay” he giggles softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before you whisper your good nights to each other.

And as promised, he doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night because he’s horny.

It’s you who wakes him, because after 10 months of wasted time, you have a lot of catching up to do.

a/n: oml this is my first ever long fic so pls pls pls give me feedback, i had so much fun writing his even though it made me feel even more single but hey :))))

allsooo i waited til after work to publish this and i just saw i hit 500 followers?!?!?! thats crazy to me omg i started this like 2 months ago and so many ppl liked my stuff so much that they decided to follow me?? so i just wanna say thank u thank u thank u for hitting the follow button even though im very unorganized and everything i do is spontaneaous and not thought out well. but hey i guess there is a reason that u followed me so thank u!

(i’d love if u sent me an ask with the first one of my writings that u stumbled across, and how <3 ...only if u want tho no pressure)

anyways thank u so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! i hope you have a great day/ night! much love

-aj

(this is a work of fiction and does not represent the real actions of stray kids or hwang hyunjin)

#omgaaaaa im finally done writing this oof it took forever but it was so much fun #thank u for reading my loves #and dont forget ur beautiful and loved and drink water #ily #hwang hyunjin #hwang hyunjin smut #hyunjin smut #hyunjin oneshot #straykids smut #stray kids #stray kids hyunjin #hyunjin e2l #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin college!au #big dick hyunjin #skskksks im sorry #i guess this is my 500 followers special lol #idk ahh ill add more tags later my brain be empty its late okay hahajajss

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