#do you get me [gestures vaguely]
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It has been 14 hours since I found out that, according to Kubo, Byakuya calls Renji by his given name "because Rukia does" and I am obsessed with this information.
This is both the best and worst possible answer to this question. I feel like if you asked Byakuya, this is exactly the reason he would give. However, if Rukia were present, she would lose her damn mind. While I do think Rukia's assertion that Byakuya didn't look at her even once in 40 years is hyperbole, over that time I can imagine Renji's name coming up in conversation once, maybe twice tops.
Like, two weeks before she goes on her fateful mission to the Living World, B's been shortlisting Vice-Captain candidates, and over dinner, real casual:
B: Rukia. You know your friend?
Rukia: My who now?
B: That friend of yours who shouts too much. The boorishly tall one. With the red hair. Is he in Squad Eleven now?
Rukia (wracking her brain frantically for people Byakuya would consider 'her friend'): You mean Renji?
B: Yes, him.
Rukia: What about him?
B: Is he in Squad Eleven? The Sixth Seat?
Rukia: ...maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The next day, Byakuya's office, Renji shows up for his job interview.
B: You must be Renji.
Renji: uhhhhhhhh sure why not?
#byakuya kuchiki#renji abarai#rukia kuchiki#i have spent over 5 years intensely thinking about the circumstances of renji's hiring and it just keeps getting stranger in my mind#i do think b was very excited about having a vice captain who was not picked by his grandpa and he genuinely like renji for an entire 5 min#like he was probably in the best mental state he'd be in for 50 years#'oh yeah me and this rowdy squad 11 guy are gonna have so many good swordfights' byakuya is thinking#'maybe i can even get him to have a conversation with my sister so i don't have to'#and then ::gestures vaguely at soul society arc::#thank you kubo#and thank you especially to whomever sent this question in#i am kissing you on the lips we will have a spring wedding#squad six first-name culture
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secret third take on The Situation where i'm a yellow apologist but also don't think you can blame arthur for how all that shook out. i think they both did exactly as well as could be expected given the circumstances. by which i mean bad. the circumstances were bad and they did bad.
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#damn it's almost like kayne set them both up to fail or something.#like if you go around gleefully taking responsibility for torturing someone and going ''you suck i hope you suffer and die#it's good that you lost your only friend he sounds like a little bitch anyway''#and also said person is concurrently getting the shit kicked out of him trying to keep you Both alive#you shouldnt get all surprisedpikachu.jpg when he isn't very nice to you.#but also arthur should not have led with lying and shamelessly leveraging every weakness he knew yellow had#to make him compliant once he realized he wasn't gonna play nice.#that was not a good play both in terms of trying to get along and also just morally as a thing to do to another person#but like (gestures vaguely at what-all just happened to him) this was not a scenario where you could expect infinite patience out of anyone#he's at bedrock facedown on the ground and yellow is poking him with a stick going hey. hey. look at me. bitch.#very much a ''i'd like to see you do better'' series of fuckups on both sides#i don't believe in Holding The Characters Accountable For Their Actions. i just want my lil guys to make each other miserable <3#malevolent spoilers#malevanalysis
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free miracle cure for some of the takes & winning poll options that've been on my dash lately. get well soon

#some of you are basing strong opinions off of inaccurate 18+ month old memories of your last watch and it shows#like if your ship is the main/only part of a show that you care about great. you do you. Ive had shows like that. have fun however it's fun#just. if that's you why are you jumping into arguments about the other stuff#if your perception of the show is built on yt scene packs of your ship spliced together with frog dna to fill in the boring parts#(aka The Actual Plot) where are you getting the confidence to argue dickishly about characters and themes you clearly pay no attention to?#also gesturing vaguely to that post about periodically renewing your license by rewatching the source material#anyway.#don't mind me I'm just an old man grumbling on my porch as I see tourists start to filter back into town as the weather warms up#(resumes whittling)#shitposts
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....
#ok just as a followup to my earlier post which i realize no one read which is fine but i gotta just say my piece even if it's in the tags#the truly astounding amount of jayvik biological kid content is frankly getting a bit uncomfortable lmao#look - i'm not trans so please tell me if i'm getting this wrong here. but like...#the fandom obsessing over the (fanon) trans male character being able to get pregnant (multiple times) just hits weird#like. idk the term for it but? forced feminization or smth? if you feel so strongly that he's trans then why push him into a mother role?#isn't that regressive? or fetishizing maybe? like hc'ing him as trans and turning around and having him carry babies srs#just to the extent im seeing it and a bit of the language surrounding it is bordering on excessive#like if i have to hear 'viktor's so fertile' 'fill his womb' etc one more time i might start muting on twitter tbh#i can understand hc'ing him as trans and it can fit well with his existing struggles surrounding identity and bodily autonomy#so like...why jump so gd hard on the chance to have him get pregnant#especially when harry's words were 'four beautiful ADOPTED children' which would work super well with their characters already#i'm not against mpreg lol but if viktor's going to get pregnant i prefer to explore more cosmic eldritch horror options#like where it's in the arcane or when he's the herald or something that's kinda far removed from natural biological pregnancy#and my reasoning for choosing viktor over jayce is purely because he's so enmeshed with the arcane and became nonhuman#im just into weird cool xenobiology stuff. (ah the garashir days)#idk. am i way off base here? like im sure many of the people saying these things are trans themselves and they can do w/e they want#but esp for prominent fandom names to go apeshit over viktor tpreg and then denounce cis fantasy mpreg as being too weird#esp when we're dealing with the 'transmutation into omnipotent god' character in the 'all timelines all possibilities' show#*gestures vaguely* what about poor blitzcrank
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oh yeah i watched the new ii and it was pretty wack. my only two thoughts are
i love cabby
they had to neutralize clover?????? hello?????????
#melonposting#ii spoilers#clover continues to be one of the only good people here. like hello thank you for saying that cabby didn't do anything wrong#(though at this point ae's probably just kinda backpedalling after the ableism allegations so. yeah. anyway it's really the bare minimum)#also it made me so angry to see nickel again. nooooo we just got rid of him!!!!!!!!!! boo tomato tomato tomato#i did find it funny that they were gonna have the dumb fantube-bot family thing and then blueberry interrupted it. ha ha ha. ha#yeah about the other thing. now i'm worried that any victory cabby gets out of this will only be a result of ae backpedalling#it's already pretty weird that the show's general perception of cabby did a complete 180 out of nowhere#i dunno. everyone ganging up on mephone was kinda strange#like okay springy and walkie talkie have their beef with him. but the cameras? zoetrope??#forgive me if i'm being dumb but i can't remember anything so horrible mephone did to them to warrant (gesturing vaguely) all of this#i dunno it's just kind of silly to have the big-bad be 'all of these random guys mephone kinda annoyed'#like huh. huh?#idk i'll see where they'll go with this. hopefully cabby doesn't get screwed over <3 that's really all i'm hoping for haha
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Could we get a little doodle/writing of some sexuality headcanons you have for pride month?
I don't really have many, I'm pretty solid in my *vague hand gesture* opinion, but for those that I DO have, sure
#By vague hand gesture I mean that I don't really have firm lines between... Anything#Romance and love is very almost the same thing to me and I don't think about sex and sexuality in general#I mean I have some. But to me it's more like... Individual relationships and what you do in them without calling them sth specific#Ah I've talked about this a billion times you get it#Not an art
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man y'all ever read a book abt a character with a degenerative disease and feel just. distressingly seen
#book is still alice by lisa genova btw#obviously alzheimer's is very different from *gestures vaguely* whatever the fuck i have going on thank god#but when she talked about the alienation of it#alienation from herself; alienation from her peers; alienation from the things she held as her very identity#and it makes me look at myself and the alienation i feel#going from a being a 'smart kid' in high school to now being the disabled adult living with my parents#losing my interest in and ability to play a game i apparently tied a distressing amount of my identity to#wanting to go to university for the Experiences TM and being unable to conceive of a way that might work out#being unable to talk to old high school friends about it because they Did go to university and saying 'yeah i'm doing shit actually' brings#down the mood too much#the depression and loss of interest that comes from and in turn furthers that alienation#the way you lose so much of yourself to it and you don't know if you'll ever be able to get it back......#it's fucking wretched and i don't know what to do#but in some small way i found myself in a book read so i could get it out of my room.....#to anyone else who sees this and relates#hey. i love you. i'm sorry that we're experiencing this#but at least it's not just me. it's not just you. us poor bastards are in this together#and that brings me at least a little comfort#still alice#disability#silvered words#personal
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and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right
#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#god i hate tagging for new fandoms yall scare me. im stopping there#anyway i have too many directors notes for this. ive developed such a vivid image of john in my head#but absolutely nothing for the dude with the actual physical body lol#idk just thinking abt the fact that the trader said ''two appear before me'' implying he could perceive john visually#but it's hard to wrap my head around like. a totally separate body that john doesn't appear consciously aware of himself#so: i think they are generally tied together. like this.#but anyway yeah. tattered/torn piece of something else. shattered crown. open hood implying a face behind it.#(yellow also has/had a mask and an unbroken crown it's symbolic™)#the stains on the cloak are blood btw! since injury/death so consistently brings these two closer together#(and the red symbolically brings the yellow closer to arthur's brown color scheme)#the blood on the CROWN is legally john's though. or. the king's more accurately.#the intact crown on the king himself pierces through the cloak like barbs#this is all a metaphysical representation and not Actual blood ofc but (gestures vaguely) you get it#i'm talking too much whatever it's very late i probably shouldn't even be posting this WHO CARES#tomorrow i will have my proper pc back and not be drawing on an ipad old enough to have a tumblr acct maybe i'll do something better then#fuck it hit post#mv liveblog#<- almost forgot
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punched in the gut by the reminder I am nobody's first choice to vent to or talk to about what's going on in their life (irl at least) but then my classmate (who i desperately want to be friends with) turned her laptop a bit so I could watch the video she was watching in class with her so maybe life isn't totally awful
#➳ the fool speaks#i still feel weird though but like. how could i not when life is. gestures vaguely.#how do you get close to peopleee how do you get people to careee how do i make people actually acknowledge me outside of when they want#something from meee 😍 do i even exist to people when i'm not directly in front of themmm 😍 why meee
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unexplainably ill about "never-ending performance" as a name for one of kaeya's constellations
#like. augh. i know its probs not even this deep. but thats such an accurate description of his entire life#he he has always been constantly performing to everyone he knows. even the people he loves and cares about. especially them#gestures vaguely. kinda ran out of nice words to express myself here. do you get me#also im plagued by my genius concept of a kaeya character study divided into parts guided by his constellation/talent names#like. never-ending performance. frostbiting embrace. excellent blood. glacial heart even. i could work w those#or so i think. idk. i still havent managed to write anything cohesive about kaeya</3#kaeyaposting#my posts
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kuwabara sketch dump bc i had a dream where he was just sittin there last night and i love him and i miss him :((
#im just projecting onto him a little bit#had a profound experience sitting in front of a drum kit that i never posted about but wrote a long ass ramble about. rip kuwabara you#would've loved drumming#hey wait wasn't he the drummer in that band official art#HE WAS OMG#anyway default gesture/stim/filler action has become doing the rock on thing at people like. all the fucking time#and i've also been getting vaguely into metal bc my buddy has good taste and is very passionate about metal#so like. again im just having experiences that i am now channeling through him. think it would be really funny to draw him renovating a#bathroom or something bc that's also going on in my life. i mean im not doing it but i wanna make him do and then regret diy plumbing#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#also posting this at like 5am bc that's when i did it and also it's kinda bad lol#sometimes posts are for me. that's all#skrunkart
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pros of being introspective:
you know exactly what your problems are and what caused them
cons of being introspective:
you have no idea what to do about them
#melonposting#technically speaking you don't need an outside perspective to know what's wrong with yourself#but you do need an outside perspective to know how to fix it. like hell if i know what to do with (gestures vaguely) all of this#funnily enough this bleeds into how i write characters - especially ones whose mental issues are similar to mine#i often default to not giving them full resolutions because for the life of me i don't know what those resolutions would look like#i genuinely could not tell you how henry would turn his life around. because i haven't the faintest idea how i'd do the same lol#it also means i have the tendency to stew in a character's neuroses. which should be apparent by now. cough#the death and birth of henry ascot is the epitome of that. i was just enumerating all of henry's mental complexes in excruciating detail#within that fic and in general it's just very hard for me to envision a genuinely happy ending for him. i'm being dead serious#i could imagine something nice but then if i think too much about it i'll notice all of the little issues which are still dragging him back#but that's entirely a me thing. there's nothing about him inherently that condemns him to this continuous downward spiral#i just personally don't know where that spiral ends so i don't know how he'd get there :P lol
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you ever miss your comfort character so bad you gotta go outside about it
#idk i've been pretty stressed that's probably why i randomly got rly sad abt it#and by it i mean the uh. gestures vaguely at fandom i guess#either nobody's there or it feels like i'm not exactly welcome. or both! which tough shit i'mma take up the space regardless but like#this weird sense of elitism I get in a space that's built by and nurtured by people whose MO is 'caring a lot' is.. hm.. interesting#idk just got reminded this morning that some people view critique as a free pass to drag a creator through the mud#when what you SHOULD be doing is uplifting them so that they can improve and reach their maximum potential. you clown. you absolute buffoon#it wasn't targeted at me or anything it just made me so angry/sad. smad. i'm smad about it#i just get hit with a wave of what's the point. what's the fucking point nobody cares abt things made with passion for the love of the game#we don't have time/it's not good enough/it doesn't matter/it's been done better/why x when we have y#and you know what fair enough everyone's entitled to their own emotional responses of course.#if you think your opinion is reason enough to tear it down then we're gonna have to agree to disagree on that one i think#just keep in mind that you could have loved what they made. other people could have loved it. it could have changed something for someone.#i personally know artists and have worked with artists who have put so so much effort into making something work over and over and over#only to have no audience and get back up saying guys let's give this just one more try.#hell back in the day I was an accomplished writer kid who was told that you may be good but nobody gives a fuck#artists who use up all these resources just to bring something new into the world and nobody's looking. what's the point. what's the point#anyway. i'm gonna go wade through the snow for a bit maybe sink my bare hands into it you guys want anything#started the post thinkin abt my blorbos ending it crying putting my shoes on alright I'm going I'm GETTING the FRESH AIR fuck off#i'll be god once i've gotten a bottle of coke and some mozzarella sticks. wait am i pmsing. fuck#god i hate that i don't drink sometimes.
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ok you know. the Ellu in dav crossover au is very fun but i am a little bit enchanted by the concept of him AND Rynn at once. Best of both worlds in a sense.
#posts that sound like noise to everyone but me fdjgfd#but like. yeah rynn gets to be the main leader and have an emotional connection to the world he's fighting for#while not keeping emotional distance from everyone around him jkgfh#but then you ALSO have Ellu there to make some of the tougher choices that Rynn doesn't fully trust himself to make / would come to regret#(cough minrathous/treviso cough)#and willing to shelter the blame of it too so the guilt doesnt eat Rynn alive#and companion wise Rynn would actually know what the fuck to say to Taash for example. whereas Ellu is. *gesturing vaguely*#not equipped to understand these conversations. guy barely has a sense of personhood if that- much less knows what gender is#i feel like it makes all the companion dynamics so much more interesting actually#balancing out Rynn's kind naivete with a more experienced but also much more unhinged perspective fjkgdf#wait did i just invent Alistair and Orion dynamic 2.0. ...you saw nothing fdjghdf#yeah nah not really Orion is VERY different but funnily enough would approve of Ellu's choices way more than Rynn's 😭rip little guy#but yeah the companion arcs..#some pushback on Bellara freeing the archive because unlike them both Ellu's not saddled with misplaced guilt about the ancient elves#some pushback on the griffons going back to the wardens because. Ellu's not biased 😭#(though i still think they have a much better infrastructure for breeding them and ensuring they survive so Rynn could win that argument)#ellu and rynn being the angel and devil on harding's shoulders during her quest fkgj (not that one option is bad but you get the joke)#ellu getting psychic damage after hearing the concept of lichdom is a good thing here etc#also what the situation would be with Solas in two Rook world. all potential options are hysterical#Do they BOTH communicate with him in the fade prison? they both hate his ass - does he get twice the amount of bullying?#Ellu by the standards of his world probably counts as a spirit with a body in dragon age- so how does this affect things?#does Solas hear 'THAT'S your god of trickery??? pathetic' from what he sees as a spirit of chaos#and does that give him a teensy existential crisis fghhdfgh#also fun because ellu's age is intentionally impossible to gauge because fey time bullshit but could very well be in the thousands#on technicality of time dilation at the very least#so placing that little idiot in this world is SO fun.. so many options..#'wah wah i'm the dread wolf I have no spine when i have to do what's right but my slaver girlfriend doesnt agree#but i will end a world inhabited by people because they're mortal now and i dont see them as people :( ' GET A GRIP GRADPA#-> said by guy who may be older than him
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this love stuff is crazy ain’t it
#shouting into the void#i never understood why anyone would wanna do a grand gesture until now#all the sudden everything is making a lot more sense#alas i’m stuck just doing a shitty little joke present but i hope it goes well anyway#i need to work on that#also i miss my boyfriend#sighhhh#look i know the past couple posts are like 70% about him but shhhhh#let me live my life#that’s why i give you a tag to block#now that i’m thinking about it i feel like a lot of my other older posts were vaguely about him too#dude i was talking about him so much on here#thankfully i have a boyfriend that seems to be oblivious to everything#i even said ‘i’m just a guy in love’ like literally a couple minutes before we actually started dating#and he still didnt notice#i have been talking about it so much on here#thank goodness he doesn’t notice that stuff tho because i was absolutely not ready to talk about it to him#and i needed to get stuff out of my system#uh i’ve been rambling about my boyfriend too much in these tags lol#anyway#a companion in the void
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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