#do you ever write a post and go yep my irls are going to talk to me about this one tommorow

[reinventingaxel]

An exerpt from an upcoming fic for a fandom event:

"Do you even realize how much of a nightmare it is to tell a doctor your mom is a fish with a straight face?"

[here2bbtstrash]

as promised, here it is: The Big Life Update Post (aka m where the hell have u been and what the hell is going on with this blog)

TLDR: went thru it, came out better for it, i love y'all. and we're getting back into this writing thing as i have the time and capacity 🥳

2023 has been a bit of a whirlwind, to put it very mildly. while the first three months started off relatively smoothly, my saturn return began in the middle of march. only a few short weeks after that... well, i'd basically say everything went off the fucking rails.

content warning: drama talk incoming ft. extremely brief mentions of racism and racist hate mail (no specific details shared).

i haven't spoken on this yet since everything happened, and i want to be explicitly clear that i won't be speaking on it further after this post. but i just want you to understand where i've been at since april.

i will own it entirely and say: i fucked up. i put content in a story that i shouldn't have, that i had no business speaking on, and i think people were well within their right to call me out on it, one hundred percent. however, after i went offline at the end of april, my friends ended up learning that the person who initially stirred up all of the "tea", and submitted the first several anonymous posts about me to a hate blog, was actually someone i knew well and considered a friend.

this was someone whose stories i gladly beta'd, someone i consoled through multiple hard moments in their life, someone i actually even met in person. yep. this was also someone who had read the chapter of my story that featured the problematic content when it was released, and proceeded to send me paragraphs upon paragraphs of how much they enjoyed it, and the story as a whole. this is not to say that people can't change their minds on content after sitting with it, not at all. but to think that i had been through so much with this person, done so much to be there for them, and that they never once gave me any reason to think we were anything other than close friends. yet ultimately, they didn't feel they could come directly to me... or find quite literally any other way of dealing with the issue?

instead, they chose to send multiple messages about me to a hate blog, as well as hateful anons to several of my friends, thinking that we wouldn't know it was them (we did). not only that, but their actions encouraged an actual torrent of racist hate mail to be sent to all of my non-white friends who publicly chose to support me. ultimately, they ended up admitting all of this, and still, they never once apologized or showed even a single iota of remorsefulness or responsibility for the onslaught of vitriol they incited. (even though, you know, this whole thing was supposedly about how racism is bad.)

and this user is still on the platform, operating under a new blog name and pseudonym. so. that's fun. 💀

i don't say this to beat a dead horse, or to drum up sympathy, because i promise i don't want it. it's been long enough, i understand the mistakes i made, and i've done my part to take accountability for my actions. but i needed to start this post here to have you all understand where i was at the end of april - just in time for yoongi's tour 🤪 - in many ways, i felt like i had no friends, at least none that i could really trust. i felt unsure who might have been acting one way to my face, perhaps even praising me, but talking different about me behind my back. and it was beyond fucking nervewracking to think that i would be meeting so many friends IRL for the first time, quite literally days after what essentially felt like a public execution.

i wasn't doing well, to say the least.

and then... the funniest thing happened.

y'all showed the fuck up for me. in droves. in a way that i have quite literally never experienced in my lifetime and doubt i ever will again. even recounting it now is lowkey giving me chills. i received, literally, yes i counted, hundreds of DMs from the most incredibly kind people- on tumblr, on twitter, on discord, in AO3 comments. the vast majority of you wrote paragraphs: about what my stories have meant to you, about how you found my blog to be a safe space in the noise of the world, about how much you'd enjoyed our time together here. so many of you said something along the lines of "even if you never come back here again, please keep writing". honestly, for like a week straight all i could do was read my DMs and cry and cry and cry.

i didn't receive a single hateful DM. not one.

as if that alone isn't more blessings than i deserve in an entire lifetime, i also, you know. saw five shows of agust d on tour. (my credit card is still recovering.) spent two of the best nights of my life in pit getting a water bottle baptism and screaming myself hoarse. and met dozens of incredible moots, who held me when i cried, scream-laughed with me, and of course, drank plenty of booze with me.

at a time where i wondered to myself if i even had a single true friend in this fandom (or, like, in the world), you all showed me that i had so much more. that we had so much more-- we had a community. and i believe we still do. and i am more than ready to block out all the shit that doesn't matter and get back to having some fun around here.

in short: thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you. if you sent me a sweet word, i promise you, i read it (and probably cried lmao). i wouldn't be doing any of this without you. i will never ever deserve all the love that you have shown me. but for as long as you'll have me, i'd love to have a fun stupid horny time in this little corner of the internet. as a part of our community. what a fucking gift it is. 🫶

phew. okay, so- that was april and may. it's november. what the fuck happened?

i knew i wanted to properly take time to get my head on straight before i found my way back to writing. what i wasn't expecting was to 1. fall in love, 2. get a new job, and 3. move myself and my cat approximately 800 miles across the country... but yeah, since the end of may, those 3 things are exactly what i've been doing!

i won't talk too much about my partner here, because our relationship is important enough to me that i want to keep it largely private, but my god. he is the most incredible human. i can't tell you how much of what i wrote out as silly little daydreams in my fanfiction has somehow manifested itself into this very real human being (like, it's kinda crazy lmao 🙈). i'm grateful for him every single day. and what makes it even more special is that we met for the first time in person while i was traveling for yoongi's tour - yep! he saw me going through so much upheaval, and fell for me all the same. just another thing i will never fully believe i deserve. but goddamn do i feel luckyyyyy 🥰

and in addition to my amazing partner (and in part because of him but honestly i had plans to move before i had even met this man it just happened to work out okay 🙄) i have also finally managed to do what i've been planning for the last year and a half, which is move my ass out of the southern suburbs where i'd been for nearly a decade, and to a ✨walkable city that actually has public transit✨ - what a fucking dream. i may have only been here 8 days, and i may not have much more to my name than my cat, my TV, and my mattress, but i swear to god, i've never been this happy in my entire life.

so yeah. exhale. like i said, it's been quite the year.

now i do want to end this with a small caveat, which is to say, i can't make a promise as to how much i can *be* here (particularly not compared to how terminally online i used to be lmao). i spent a lot of time online because i was unhappy and feeling very stuck with where i was in life, and i needed escapism, bad. now, i've finally gotten to a place where i'm excited to go out of my house and do things, but i still want to make intentional time for tumblr as a form of connection and community, and writing as a form of creative expression. these things are really important to me!!! i just ask that you give me some grace if i'm a little slow on the uptake. i promise i'm still here 🥰

and writing is gonna happen!!! i can't say much more than that, because tbh i haven't so much as opened a google doc since april, but i've been itching to get back to it. maybe.... we might start off....... with some........... drabble requests??? 👀 we'll see we'll see we'll see hehe.

in any case, i think that's more than enough for now 🤪 oh how i've missed babbling to you all, the gay people in my phone. i hope you're well, and if ya feel so inclined, i'd love it if you'd send me a comment or a DM on what you've been up to in the many months it's been since we've spoke! what's new in your life? what are we manifesting??

talk so so soon, eeeeee~ i'm so happy to be back~ love you babes!!! 🤍

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

are you. are you still doing the mutual ask?

Bia. Oh my friend. I was hoping you’d send one of these heck yeah.

WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. MANY BINGOS! (well technically one bingo and a few nearly-there-bingos but STILL)

Slight older sibling vibes. Ever so slight.

Hehe harasses you with. with the gifs. of. of wilbur… soot. harasses you-

SHARED INTERESTSSSSSS!!! Fellow DSMP fan who is Christian :D Fellow person who does not like Wilbur and Techno as twins! Fellow person who loves sandduo! Fellow person who writes fanfic! Fellow person who likes AJR!

c!Phil is Your Guy, 100%. Blorbo. When I think of you I think of c!Phil. Messy birb guy.

EATS YOUR WRITING OH MAN EATS IT DEVOURS ONNOMNOM. The excitement I feel when I receive an email stating you have posted/updated a fic is unparalleled. Like. Oh my gosh. You write the best fics ever. ALSO APARTMENT 238 MY BELOVED <3

Listen, I love Phil, but I am also judging him a little bit <3 Just a bit. Still love him though. Messy birb guy.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SPOUT OFF YOUR VAST KNOWLEDGE OH MY GOSH YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT SO MANY THINGS YESSSSSSSS

Mutual chaos >:D We made the Man Or Muppet edit together, I’d say <3 You are chaotic and I am crazy we do well together *nods*

Free space: WE MUST GO ON A ROAD TRIP AND EAT GUMMI WYRMS AND GO TO GAS STATIONS AND SUCH! WE MUST! Meeting up irl would actually be so much fun oh my goshhhhh

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU SEND MESSAGESSSSSS it’s so much fun!! I absolutely love getting harassed by you XD And despite the Cursed-ness, I do enjoy when you tag me in horrid Cars AU’s lol. We harass each other. It’s the circle of life.

Met on tumblr, yep! You were the second DSMP friend I ever made :’) And also the person who helped me navigate the DSMP fandom lol I was so confused about Everything back then-

I consider you one of my best friends <3 Not many people could stay up until 5am talking to each other OR argue for 40 minutes over Doomsday and still be close lol. Our bond is strong, my friend.

I DO THE SPINNY THING A LOT WHEN I CHAT WITH YOU YESSSSSSS!!! Especially when we vc :D I remember you telling me that Ghostbur was “like the boyfriend I just don’t see the potential in” and my brain did spinny things because I loved the way you worded that lol AND ALSO you and other-discord-friend were talking about Minecraft and how neither of you were good at combat/fighting within the game, and that you were holding me up to “Technoblade levels of fighting” once I get the game XD It was so awesome and I wrote that quote down because I loved it so much alsgaksgaksgajg

Still to this day I kinda freak out whenever you interact with me XD AND WE HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SO LONG!!! WELL OVER A YEAR!!!

Heh I shoved The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty in your face, I did I did. And also Lovejoy.

What are friends if they cannot shake each other violently /pos? <3

I love getting to chat about my fic ideas with you but I still get nervous over doing it :’) Not even specific with you, but with anyone 😅 I guess because I’m so quiet irl, I have a hard time… bringing myself to share ideas with people? I don’t know, I’m trying to work on it :) But yes, I looove getting to chat about ideas with you, Bia!!

[vynsvision]

Detective Darius Morgan Headcanons

Listen. I know there's hardly any content of him. I dont know how much this will be appreciated. But if the same for 4 people who saw my post asking if anyone wanted this see it, I win.

Be warned, its 2k words (just under, probably) because I have nothing to do at work. At all. *deepest of sighs*

Should be SFW!!! Some things are referenced but im not in the mood to talk about too much Naughtiness so its SFW.

If the flow is weird, my apologies. I tried to group stuff together and so I may have gone back to sections where the next section goes off something I said in part of the section above... you'll understand as you read.

I'm gonna start with casual, out of work attire. I genuinely don't think you would find him in loungewear EVER outside his home. So no sweatpants.... although maybe a sweatshirt on laundry day. I'm also thinking, even though he probably doesn't get a fat paycheque, he tries to dress well. He doesn't think about fashion but good lord, Marius wouldn't believe it. "I just buy what looks nice." in the once in three blue moons that he actually goes to get new clothes. He works every day, probably, so anything that's not work is casual and probably very worn.

I think, yanno those like school varsity football jackets? Um yeah he still wears his. Its not because he tries to show off, but those things are comfortable, warm, and if he happens to be with someone who forgets to bring a warm layer, he can give it to them and he secretly loves watching their expressions.

("Oh... my god this is so warm!" "Mhmm." "I'm keeping this forever. Sorry, its mine now." "Is your last name Morgan too, then? Huh, I didn't know." Motherfucker.)

P.s: he hates suits even if his work uniform is basically a suit without the suit jacket. If he has to wear a suit, its all black. That is all. Also yes he would wear the three-piece suit. Go all out or nothing. Maybe a dark blue vest for some flavor with a matching tie.... idk. Brainrot of Darius in an all black three-piece suit........... suspenders......... aaah... yep.

Ok speaking of. I really don't think he's super chatty. He's tired. I'm honestly thinking very Eddie Brock (Venom) vibes with him tbfh. But I think when he does talk, he's slick as FUCK. He probably likes to see you blush as your scramble for a response. Hes smooth tho. He doesnt let you scramble for long. Also would ruffle your hair (if you have some and didn't stop him). He chuckles a lot. I imagine his voice as deep, but since I play TOT with the sounds off, idk if they have a voice actor for him. But look at him. Hes got a great morning voice oh good lord now im thinking about his morning voice aaaaaah crap.

I also think, once a relationship is established, hes very doting and soft. Hes protective- he knows who he is, he knows that the police are not loved. (And he knows why. Honestly I'm not sure how to... write about that, though, and its also not my place to... so anyone who'd like to write about that may. Just yanno remember to be respectful to people and irl events.) So he knows that if he fucks up or a mistake comes to bite him in the ass, you might be in danger. He knows you can probably handle yourself, but he also thinks of all the worst scenarios. He doesn't want the most important person to him in any danger.

Honestly I think he would be very reluctant to a relationship. But, unlike three of the boys (Luke, Artem, and Marius), he and Vyn have something in common- hes definitely at least had some one-night-stands. Maybe after particularly rough days or weeks. Stress coping. Not gonna talk about if its wise or not.

Because, like, come on. Hes at leeeeast thirty, making him older than the boys. So he may be experienced in bed, but romance is tricky and he denies or hides his feeling like a teenager afraid of his crush. (Re: ohmygod they would be in danger tho if I confessed oh no I can never tell them!) Of course, he would confess while expressing that he is worried about you.

He also loves to see you in his blue uniform shirt. I dont know if either of you acknowledge it aloud, but since you grabbed it and put it on that one time... yeah. Yep.

But yeah hes a softy underneath all the brooding and tired exterior.

(Bonus: If u like... uh.... his cuffs..... yep thats all)

I dont believe he can cook much. Like, beyond the basics, he has like. 2 dishes that he can reliably cook. Hes a simple man, he knows how to vary them, but come on, its not like he has much time to cook stuff. You realize this quickly and while you dont have much time either, you meet him halfway... or more than halfway. Also, hey, carryout/delivery isn't so bad every once in a while. He'll work on it if you bring it up. He doesn't really notice until you do. Thats the first time you see him embarrassed. He's kinda cute as he apologizes, and it makes up for your slight annoyance at eating the meal for the third time. Hes used to his way of living, he might (definitely) forget people live differently than he does. Hes cute, I forgive him.

As a boyfriend, he does his darnedest. He literally doesn't care what he does with you, as long as its with you. When you ask him for date ideas, he thinks of some favors he can cash in to show you secret or expensive places. Those upper class jerks are good for one thing, if it makes you smile and if it impresses you. Because, of course, hes been here when it opened, so his attention is on you. (His eyes may not be, but hes much more attentive than you notice.)

I feel like hes the kind of person to snap candids of you an you dont even notice. I dont know how he would do it, but I really think he would want to remember and capture sweet moments with you. He doesnt tell you or show you these pictures, and they aren't, like, ones where you're exposed (....most of them, at least. He doesn't take pictures of you asleep for damn sure, you're not a pet.), but he just keeps them to himself. He forgets that you either know his passcode or you have your fingerprint saved in his phone, and you happen to see it because he had the album last open on his phone. Hes a sucker.

At the beginning of your relationship, I think he made a note in his notes app where he writes down your birthday, or favorite color, or things like that. Hes afraid of forgetting those things. He could never forget the day he met you, nor when the two of you admitted your feelings for each other, or when you went on your first date. He knows those dates. Hes quiet- hes thinking of those things. He doesn't mind being distracted by you.

He tries not to be super possessive because he admires your independence, but sometimes he snaps at someone like when Artem asks you to come in to work on a case on your day off. Scary Darius.

He likes holding your hand when you cross streets.

I dont think he would get jealous easily. He knows that, before he confesses, he hasn't told you, so he has no right to be upset if you flirt or spend time with someone else. And when you're together, he knows where you end up at the end of the day, so hes secure in that. If anything, if someone flirts with you and makes you uncomfortable, he checks with you first (in case you wanna defend yourself), then gives a death glare to the unlucky person. Even if you flirt back comfortably, again, he knows where the two of you end up. You in his arms, the other person unfortunately ~probably~ all alone, boohoo.

I have gotta say, I think sometimes he forgets to close doors all the way. He doesn't do it on purpose, hes just not used to people being in his home. He always puts the toilet seat down (if that applies), but cabinet doors or room doors can sometimes be left just slightly open.

His walls are kinda bare. What art he does have are monuments or architectural things. Stellis is very sleek and modern, but he knows about the older buildings. When someone else at work is reluctant to go into centuries-old buildings because they're creepy, he pretends to be annoyed but inwardly hes comfortable in them and goes without fear.

His home is usually clean, too. Its partially because he doesn't spend much time there, but also because he cleans things after use. So things aren't spick and span, but his apartment is presentable if you happen to drop by.

He shares something with Luke- i think the two of them are the only ones with any sort of pectorals. Yanno, them man boobs. Juicy muscle on the chest. (I simply refuse to believe the other boys have any beyond abs or, yanno, tone. Luke and Darius could have a nice arm wrestling match, no im not gonna say who wins.)

He tries to keep a cactus alive. He writes down when he waters it to be sure not to overwater it. Its name is Alfred and Alfred knows everything about you. He lives in the kitchen and Darius talks to him when hes cooking or nursing coffee or beer. Hes a beer guy.

I'm not sure if hes a cat person or a dog person. I think he would get along with either well. I dont know if he would have a pet, because he often has long days, and even cats need attention. Maybe if he ever gets to retire he'll get a pet. Beside himself, Alfred is the only thing living in the apartment.

He does have co-workers he spends time with outside of work. Methinks its usually at a bar or someplace like that.

I think he calls his parents every once in a while. More frequently after you start dating him. I also feel like he has a sibling but I dont know if they're older or younger. Methinks an older sister? What if she's a lawyer too!!!

(Plot twist- Celestine and Darius are related. Big just joking.... but his older sister is much like Celestine. He likes working with her.)

Idk where to put this but !! Hes a podcast guy. He listens to podcasts rather than music. He dislikes true crime with a passion (literally dont get him started because if you do, he, rightfully so, will talk for like a whole ten minutes and you won't be sure if you should be excited he talked for that long STRAIGHT or if he's ok) but he won't say anything if you listen to it. To each their own. I think he listens to podcasts talking about, like architecture or, like... news, or something. He knows what's going on in the world. Hes the first to deck any asshole. Not physically, tho. It takes a lot to get him to physical action. He has a killer glare, he knows how to insult someone (hes gotten his (un)fair share of insults or heard them thrown around). He knows how to intimidate. Usually, he can get someone to chill out or leave. If not, he would take anything outside. I think he would try not to flash his badge. If he's off the clock, he doesnt work for the city. Idk deTECtive Darius Morgan, only Darius. I dont think he likes attention.

Oh God this was much longer than I thought. I thought I would type a bit about his clothes, maybe a few habits. Good lord.

I hope someone enjoyed! If you have any of your own ideas, definitely let me know! If you agree or disagree. We literally have so little to go on that any of us could be right.

I... might post a NSFW batch at some point, but I also feel like it would be more telling of me than him, beside the things in this post. So yanno. Maybe we can just imagine.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

May 2021 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

It’s a cray cray Friday when Vietnam gets its eng subs up before GMMTV Thailand. What alter-reality are we in? Well, the Vietnamese offerings are better right now anyway. (Oooo, feel that burn.) 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Secret Together Ep 2 - pulping it up in the best possible way. Sure sound and production values are pants, and in classic Thai fashion the editing in post is exacerbating (rather than fixing) pacing issues, but it’s still CUTE AF. I don’t even mind the added university storyline, because they’ve got good chemistry (and a confident gay fresher after a panicked gay hazer is an old favorite... what can I say, SOTUS was my first love). We aren’t spending too much time with any one couple, so it’s weighted a lot better than Brothers was, but also character development is slow. 

Siew Sum Noi Ep 2 - Unfortunately, it’s just too hard to find, plus no subs. I’m dropping it in the hopes it comes back on my radar some day. 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) It’s rough having a ghost boyfriend, half your friends are scared, the other half think you’re crazy, and kissing shortens your lifespan. This was a cute couple even if I wasn’t wild about the surrounding story. 

Close Friend Ep 5: (Dear My Star/JimmyTommy) - about high school penpals. It had to rely entirely on voice over work as the actors only meet face to face at the end. It’s a good thing they are appealing screen presences on their own, with good vocal control. It’s hard to imagine any other BL pair carrying this kinda plot. It’s by far my favorite of the series so far, and I’m not even a big JimmyTommy fan. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 7 - no subs. Do we care? Not really. Because we have... 

Nitiman Ep 3 - currently my favorite out of Thailand. It’s the university Thai BL i’ve been waiting for since... when was the last good one? My Engineer? Yowza. Anyway we got: head on my shoulder, baby is a floppy drunk (but still wants to be in control), proximity alert, boyfriend’s closet, seme gets seriously jelly, and a cute twist on feeding him. There’s something fun and complex about Jin’s character. He’s not a panicked bi. He knows exactly what’s going on, he just hasn’t decided if he wants Bb or not. He clearly enjoys being looked after, the compliments, and the attention, but he’s not sure if he’s going to like what happens if he gives in. I like that twist on the usual tsundere uke archetype a lot, cautious rather than willfully obtuse or freaked out. We can see Jin realizing in stages: I like this person, I like that they like me, I like the romantic attentiveness. But in the background is... do I actually want to f*k him? It’s a dynamic we don’t often see on BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 10 fin - the most ridiculous show using BLs worst tropes in a sort of weird smoothie of bitter greens and too ripe banana. The ending was the sappiest cheesiest thing ever, like cheese syrup tapped from the cheese tree. So of course I loved it, but I’m pretty sure I giggled through all the bits meant to be profound. Because, in the end, to tolerate this show at all, you just can’t take ANY of it seriously. RECOMMENDED (with some SERIOUS reservations and trigger warnings.) Full review here. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 1-2 - I don’t mind a damaged seme character but this one is a bit weird for me. Like creepy Cheese in the Trap level weird. On the bright side, the story has given our tsundere uke good motivation for his angst and great existing friendships, loyalty, and likability. Plus I’m invested in the cafe owner/innocent puppy side dishes. So if it’s only the seme character I’m not jiving with, and he’s the most established actor, it should all turn out fine. I believe in you, Taiwanese BL. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - speaking of belief. This such a good show but they gave us a cliffhanger ending. Now we must hope against hope for season two. That’s never guaranteed with Taiwan tho. So, I’m docking a few points and saying, RECOMMENDED so long as you realize it’s a cliffhanger. 

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 1-9 (BL subplot) - this is a good het romance, but the fact that the BL subplot is a beautifully acted disaster bi + confident gay means you’re hearing about it whether you want to or not. Plus they just added in some GL! Come on! I gotta support Taiwan normalizing queer to this extent. They are fighting the good fight and if I also have to watch a career lady and her much younger softest straight boi get it on, too? Twist my arm with that service sub subtext. Go on Taiwan, TWIST IT. It’s on Viki. Join the revolution.   * Incidentally if you actually like the D/s het dynamic of this show, I highly recommend Japanese Kimi wa Petto - career woman keeps a hot young dancer boy as a pet. Oh yes, an actual pet, that IS the pitch. Never doubt Japan when kink is on the line. It’s also on Viki. Go get your kink on, thank me later. (If it helps: That was not a request.)  

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 2 (AKA 5) - love triangles aren’t my thing, but if you’re gonna do it short form, by all means bring in the lead’s other BL pairing so the chemistry is on point. Now I've no idea who I want him to end up with. Can’t they just be in a poly triad? 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 7 - I’m still enjoying it a lot. It’s still unabashedly queer and the tension is ramping up. We now have secret identity, blackmail, femme fatale, faen fatale, and incoming seme confrontation. Best of all, the series is still airing, which makes it longer than any other Vietnamese BL I’ve seen (aside from Tein Bromance - which is just too weird to count). 

Gossip - Thai BL 

SEVEN PROJECT TEASERS

No one is entirely sure what Studio Wabi Sabi’s Seven Project/7Project will entail. 

It might be like Close Friend (1 episode per couple, no linking), 

or Y-Destiny (2 episodes per couple, loosely linked), 

or The En of Love (4 episodes per couple, linked but independent consecutive stories). 

They’re giving the couple’s arcs separate titles. So each one would be what? Seven Project: Once Upon a Time or the like? We’re in Taiwanese title territory people and NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE. Anygay... 

Once Upon a Time is the BounPrem (og UWMA) anchor story, and seems to be the most dramatic and likely saddest. These two can handle most of what’s thrown at them at this juncture, so it should be good. 

Vs Love is a BoomPeak (og Make it Right) university vehicle. Since I thought Boom was done with our nonsense, I couldn’t be more thrilled and surprised this pair is doing another show together. I don’t think either of them are the greatest actors but I find Peak very endearing and Boom charismatic on screen, so I’ll watch. 

Would You be My Love is the hotly anticipated SantaEarth launch. They’re a (cultivated) IRL ship and Earth is an established BL actor. They have great chemistry and high energy so this could be lots of fun. 

We are also getting a GL from this series from established BL actresses Samantha and Pineare. Nothing teased yet on that, but I’m looking forward to this installment the most. Also curious to see how the ladies handle the branding and promo side, not to mention the culture. (Thailand variety shows gonna force *girls* to play the Pepero game?) 

Secret Crush on You upcoming Thai BL with no release date, co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with all fresh faces. (Previously known as Stalker the series.) It looks like pure pulp and I’m not wild about the plot but could be better than expected as it’s adapted from a novel. Cheewin is an okay director when he has an actual story to follow. 

Don’t Say No the series. Coming from the producers of TharnType this is the JaFirst vehicle many have been waiting for. Friends to lovers + a good boy/bad boy pairing on a sports romance foundation. It’s basketball so they tapped Meen as well (he’s semi-pro). The bad news? You get one guess as to who is writing the darn thing? Yep it’s MAME. So, ya know, expect some slam dunk kidnapping, a light dribbling of rape, and me turning into a basketcase. AKA... 

Will I have to live blog this series in order to survive it? That seems to be the only way I can. So probably. Which means the bad sports puns will continue. Look, if I’m suffering, SO ARE YOU! 

Rumors of a new YinWar vehicle The Best Story (mini series) coming in July. Also rumors that their previously announced Love Mechanics (full length series) has either been delayed, is facing money issues, or is moving studios, or all three. 

Breaking News 

DELAYED (I’m talking these three off the watch list until we get new airing dates) 

Love Area’s release was pushed out but it got a trailer. 

Golden Blood was supposed to drop Weds but comments in MDL report that it is delayed due to C19.  

Love’s Outlet (Taiwan) is supposed to have started a 50 episode run (only 3-5 min each, what utter nonsense). Sadly, this delay is due to a surge in cases in Taiwan which was doing so well, but also doesn’t have many inoculations. 

Bad Buddy has started workshopping at GMMTV actual. 

Kang Insoo’s BTS for Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding is SO FLIPPING CUTE. You have to watch it. Trust me, I don’t rec behind the scenes stuff often. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[acourtesanofedgewater]

Open Heart 3 Ch. 8 SPOILERS for Bryce/Raf/Jackie Stans

I know I'm one day late. Blame PB for releasing the scripts so late. Why they even did that? Idk. It's not like this chapter is good.

Oh, here we are again. Honestly guys? I'm pissed off lmao. And you will be too when you're done reading this. But enough talking, let's begin. Beware, spoilers below the cut

Let's start with Bryce

•He DOES make an appearance this chapter AND has a diamond scene. Should we celebrate? Nah. It seems the only options with characters who-are-not-Ethan in this book are not having appearances at all or having mediocre little plots when they do appear. He makes his cameo at the begging. He's in the lobby with a friend of his, who's sick and wants Bryce to operate on him but Bryce seems reluctant to do so because it's a dangerous surgery. Does it have anything to do with his failed surgery? We won't find out, because instead of his premium scene being about... idk, having a coffee while he tells us about the consequences of his mistakes (not only at work, but also mentally), it is about... visiting a Escape Room with him and his friend? Um, ok. Should I mention that Bryce's pal call MC his 'friend' twice? Yep, PB still refuses to acknowledge MC's relationship with Bryce, even though they've been together for two years and shared a tender moment when MC was about to die. When I was reading the scene, I was like "uuugh, let me guess? we get this corny funny scene and near the ending Bryce and MC find a hideout to make out". Turns out I was wrong lmao. I expect nothing and I'm still let down. They just share a little kiss I front of Bryce's friend when they are leaving the Escape Room. It is mentioned they all are gonna have dinner after this, but we don't get to see that because that would mean PB has to actually write interesting dialogue and develop Bryce and that's sacrilege.

Ok, Jackie's turn.

•She doesn't show up in this chapter. She's not even mentioned. Silly us, Jackie already had her crumbs of development last chapter, there's no need to give her more screentime this chapter lmao. Not when that screentime can be used developing Ethan.

And lastly, Raf.

•He turns up too, but it's a situation similar to Bryce's. He's rehabilitating a little boy who's sad because he will miss his birthday, so enter the bonus scene where MC has the idea of recruiting Sienna too and organizing a surprise party for the kid in the Pediatric Ward. It's actually a cute scene, and spending time with Sienna is always good, but that's the problem. The scene is about the little boy, zero Raf development or plot, and I even feel he wasn't even needed here. We know Sienna visits the PW every once in a while so they could've made her be the one who came to us with the little kid situation and everything would have turned out to be the same, except for some dialogues. Then, near the end, Raf and MC share some flirting words and a little kiss, but everything is in front of the kids, so it's over pretty quick.

And... that's it for our LIs. It sucks, but it's not the worst thing abour this chapter. I'm gonna leave some spoilers of the general plot here below so you can be as angry as me.

•MC confronts Ethan about the trial thing. You can choose to go soft on him or be outraged and point out he's a piece of shit. I recommend the second option. Anyway, if you end up agreeing with him about his decision, he says something like: "I knew you'd understand me, you care about these patients as much as I do" which, for me, given the fact he's older than MC and their boss (and being a victim of grooming myself by someone older than me and that was kinda in a position of power above me too) IS FUCKING GROOMING. If you had any doubts the lead of this book is a creep.

•Yadda yadda, we get Bryce and Raf's mediocre scenes, and back to the main plot, MC and Tobias have to diagnose a patient together. The patient is the most annoying character on this series, only below Ethan. Seriously, she's worse than that Nigel guy from Book 1 who called Bryce "Ken doll". Tobias is kinda shady with her (but... light and funny shady. He's never mean or anything) and we're supposed to be like "ugh, Tobias is the worst" but the patient is annoying so yeah, I loved Tobias' actitude.

•There were lots of Tobias moments this chapter, and he's honestly really nice. I hope we can keep him in Edenbrook. We could even kick Ethan's ass out in order to raise his salary❤.

•Ok, and now the cherry on top of a shitty chapter. Do y'all remember how we were afraid PB was gonna make Harper MC's rival? It seemed like they had dropped that plot and we were safe... but it turns out they haven't. Harper finds out our patient has cheated their way into the trial and while Tobias and MC are bonding in the DT' office, she comes in furious as hell, and starts blaming the MC and insulting them, assuming they're the one who did the trial thing. Harper' screams are so loud that Ramsey, who was in the hall, listens and comes in running. Harper explains what "MC" did and we have three options: blame Ethan, insist we're not guilty but not blame Ethan, and ignore the accusations. Either way, Harper keeps on with the accusations (she's even more enraged if you blame Ethan)

•Ethan lets her mop the floor with MC a bit more before stopping her and admitting he's the one who cheated. Harper is shocked and Ramsey HAS THE AUDACITY of angrily leave the office. He really thinks he's the one who should be outraged in this situation. He's the most childish character PB has ever created. (Props to Tobias for being the only decent character in this situation, asking Harper to calm down because she couldn't know for sure it MC was to blame in this situation).

•MC runs after him. And sure, irl I'd run after him too, but to confront him and complain about all the mess his shitty behavior has caused (or, how we say in my country, putearlo. I wanna clarify to my fellow Latinoamericans, "putear" has a different meaning in Ecuador than in the rest of Latam lmao for us is similar to "mandar a la verga" JAJSJAJAJSK). But no, MC fucking goes to see if he's alright. And cue to the most ridiculous scene in this series:

•Okay, I know we all made fun of the BDSM outfits when the assets came out, and yeah, they're cringey af, but I was curious to see how the story would develop towards these outfits. Everyone guessed they meant kinky time with out LIs. Wrong again. Ethan is so mad about... well, idk why he's so mad, he's just facing the consequences of his actions, but anyway, he needs to release that frustration and that's when we're offered the kinky outfit. Yep, the kinky scene is Ethan-exclusive. It was so fucking easy to include the other LIs in this. Bryce could be frustrated because he's not the same after his failed surgery, Jackie because she has to lead the interns and Jade keeps screwing up, and Raf... well, he should be mad because PB tried to kill him and then decided not to but kept sidelining him and can't even give him a decent storyline could be frustrated because it's exhausting to try to help the patients when they make little progress and become disappointed. PB just was lazy and didn't care.

•Don't ask me about the BDSM scene, nothing in this world will make me read a sex scene with Ethan. I kept scrolling until I was sure that abomination was over. Although I caught the word "safe word" somewhere there so... yeah.

•The next day after that heated discussion, MC enters the DT' office. Harper doesn't even offer an apology for treating MC like shit, she acts like nothing happened. MC notices there's this peace in the air and there's no whining, so they ask where's Ethan

•Turns out, Harper reported MC to their superiors when she thought it was them who messed up the trial and now Ethan had to turn himself in and is meeting with the board. Then, she blatantly admits that if she knew Ethan was the one who did it, she would have talked to him first. She says she regrets telling the board, although, as she doesn't offer MC an apology, it seems she only regrets getting Ethan in trouble, not her awful attitude. Tobias is named the new leader of the DT, and that's the only highlight in this mess of a chapter.

I have more thoughts about everything, but I'll post them tomorrow, when they can reach more people. And I'll catch up with this shitt book just so I can join the mob law tomorrow lmao. See you then.

[versadies]

Hi Dan!! ✨✨ MA'AM YOUR SERENITEAPOT???!?!?!? 😳🥺 The anon was too stunned to speak 🍰🍰🍰(think of this as a standing cake 💀) it's so beautiful!! The scenery, the clipping and everything... It lowkey looks like heaven in a teapot 😩 and i see that you have done that certain hot spring tutorial on yt by unlucky tabibito(?). Kinda really warms my heart that you do your teapot 😤😤😤 It aint common to find ppl who do their teapots yk 😌

Ooh the first realm you have chosen is called Floating Abode, if my memory serves me right :DD

I do have some ideas too if you're gonna make a guide for your graphic design tutorials/recommendations!! (Lowkey a sucker for art or designing stuff;;)

— how to do filter or fx combinations/favorite filter combinations

— recommended tools to use for specific preference on how would the image/edit look like

— favorite fonts that you also think are must have 🤩

— just random editing ideas that could possibly help others have an idea or inspiration for editing.

— icon/header ideas or inspiration

— favorite color schemes/vibes

Didn't knew PicsArt have grown a lot already- it's been years since i've touched that app tho sadly they lock some new featured behind the "gold/premium membership" :((

I do wish to be able to read your 3k milestone works when i have the time- so i could possibly talk about it??🤭 Hehe.

About you being a Jean kinnie, it makes sense!!🤯 Given your hardworking personality both in irl and as a genshinblr writer, you always manage to post great fics??!?! Like WEEKLY. And so many times in a week. 😰🥺😳 Plus, you're such a sweet person! Despite the busy sched, you still take your time to write atleast one fic for the week + engage and interact with your followers/moots/anons!! 🤔🤔 Remember to not push your self to hard and be sure that you are genuinely enjoying what you do, ok?? :D

I still can't absorb the fact that 2.6 is this week. As in THIS week 😰😰😰 heavens, my life is barely together and i am afraid to lose 50/50 on ayato now 😩 Wishing you the best of luck in your pulls too, everyone!! 💗💗💗

That's all for now!! 😚 Take care and have a good day, Dan!! 💞💞💞

— sincerely, 🍰.

AIHSJD TYSM COMRADEE 😍😍 and yes i did got the hot spring area from @/unlucky tabibito’s tutorial from youtube :DDD i super agree w you on that one, ppl using the teapot is not someone you often would see :,)) and yep you’re right about the name, i kept thinking that the name was adeptus’s abode 💀💀

and tysm for those ideas !! ill def ss this and keep it in my photo albums in case i decided to do tutorials on my edits :DDD i honestly hate picsart for making a lot of fx and some features limited for the sake of making people use the membership 💀💀

i was never the same person ever since my best friend irl told me im a jean kinnie, my mind was blown — it makes sense why jean used to came to me in wish (i have c4 jean and im not proud of it) 😧😧😧 and dw !! ill try my best to not push myself and continue doing what i do passionately <333

i can’t believe 2.6 is so CLOSE either 😰😰 im so excited to get ayato even tho im on 50/50 💀💀 i wish you luck on your pulls as well as everyone who’s going for the characters that will be available in 2.6 :DDDD !!

take care as well and have a good day comrade 👊👊👊

[ashura-writes]

About Me!

Learn all there is to know about me!

(as of currently)

My name is Ashura! I also go by Ash or Lunar, so take your pick! Any new nicknames are welcome as well.

I'm 18 years old.

I go by any pronouns, so again, take your pick!

I enjoy reading and writing grammatically correct fanficitions, as well as drawing!

Currently I'm really into the Dream SMP, so most (if not all) of my fics that I share here will be about that.

Boundaries!

Probably the most important thing here! I don't have many, but I ask that you respect them nonetheless!

I will not write for things that I do not have the best understanding of, or things that I am not properly educated on. My worst fear is to portray something wrong and potentially harming or misinformation others with my stories. Please ask if you have a specific request, and I will let you know if I am comfortable with writing for that topic.

I will not write sexually explicit/NSFW stories for ANY characters. Not only is it most likely out of the comfort zones for many of the content creators to have their characters sexualized, I can personally only see these characters interacting with the Reader in friendly lights. Please do not ask for any NSFW.

SFW/Fluff/Feel-good things are completely okay! My intent is to write these characters as if they have a really close friendship with the Reader, which can include cuddles, hand-holding, and general cute things. Flirting is alright as well! This is mostly inspired by my own IRL friendships.

On the topic of flirting, I am okay with SOME romantic things. Romantic and sexual are completely different things, after all, and my expertise in romance is probably my only defining quality haha! I am okay with writing about romantic relationships between the Reader and some characters of the SMP, NOT including minors. All minor relationships are STRICTLY platonic. Do not ask for romantic relationships with minors. I will not answer. If you wish to see a story about a romantic relationship between the Reader and an adult SMP character, just ask!

As for personal boundaries, I don't have many! I'm fine with a lot of things, including cursing/swearing. The only thing I will not tolerate towards me or anyone is derogatory remarks. If you don't like something, move on.

And because I can't think of anything else to add, let's move on to questions you probably don't have!

Q.《Why did you start this blog?》

A. As mentioned above, I really enjoy writing fanfictions. They are one of my escapes from the real world, as is the Dream SMP! I started reading some fics, headcannons, and imagines here and really enjoyed it! I thought, "Why not do the same? Share your stories with like-minded people," so I did!

One of my biggest inspirations for starting this blog was the fact that there was so little fanfics for the DSMP, at least in the friendship department. I aim to write stories that center around the characters of the SMP, their friendships and hardships, and to put the story in words that the members otherwise cannot express.

Q.《What will your stories be about?》

A. The Dream SMP, and all characters included! Most, if not all of the stories I write will be 'Reader Insert's, or 'x Reader's. This totally does not stem from my desire to be friends with everyone aha nope haha definitely not-

All stories will be about the characters that the streamers portray, NOT the content creators themselves. I personally feel a bit awkward writing for real people. I may try and change things up one day, but today is not that day!

Q.《How did you get into the Dream SMP?》

A. I got into the Dream SMP a few months ago after coming across many videos and posts talking about it, and began my journey by watching Wilbur Soot's videos and the story of the rise and fall of L'manburg. Ever since, I've been hooked, and I've come to really enjoy and look forward to new streams and videos!

Q.《Will your stories be inclusive? (Gender Identity, Sexuality, Race, etc.)》

A. Absolutely! None of my stories will leave anyone out, and I will strive to accurately portray anything and everything! The Reader in my stories will never have their gender, sexuality, or appearance explicitly stated, either in walls of text or in dialogue. To make everything the most inclusive, I will be using they/them pronouns when characters refer to the Reader. I tend to avoid the use of 'insert points', as I will call them, or things like 'Y/n', 'e/c', or 'h/c' to name a few. If necessary, I will use '(Name)' for the Reader, but otherwise dodge the use of other insert points unless it is useful to the story or needs to be explicitly mentioned.

Q.《Will you write for certain things if asked?》

A. Yes, I will, as long as none of it goes out of my boundaries!

Q.《How much knowledge of Dream SMP Lore do you have?》

A. Honestly, not much. I have gotten as far as Doomsday and Dream's imprisonment, but that is about it! Not to mention, all of my knowledge comes purely from Tubbo, Ranboo, Wilbur and Tommy's streams. I don't know much about Technoblade or Philza's lore as of this moment, or any one else's, but I plan to learn! Any requests that deal with these characters lore, I will do my best. Please don't be afraid to let me know if I mess something up! Help is always welcome.

Q.《Do you have other stories not on Tumblr that I can read?》

A. That I do! I have a story up on Archive Of Our Own under the title "Hearteater"! It is an Demon Slayer OC insert featuring my character Higurashi Shion! I am very proud of it, and I think you should check it out. Look for the user 'LunarPenguinChan' to find the story!

Q.《Is there any other social media I can contact you on?》

A. Yep! Discord, at Ashura#4903, or Twitter under the handle @ashura_penguin!

More to be added as I go! Please check back here frequently for updates. I really look forward to meeting and making friends with everyone! Don't be afraid to send me a DM or ask/request anything! I'm fired up and ready to show off my horrible writing skills! :D

[alexandrablake]

2020 mutuals appreciation post!

yep, that’s right. i’ve never had an original thought in my life.

2020 was just awful, but you people. you people put a smile on my face literally. every. single. day. you guys made my year and i only started posting in november. that’s how incredible you are. i’ve been doing this for going on two months and you’ve made my year.

below i’ve tagged all my mutuals whether we talk or not. but i’d also like to thank you, my followers! i cannot tell you how often one of you like or reblog or interact with me in anyway and i just got this huge grin. 

i love you all very much.

this isn’t in any order, just as i think up people!

okay, first i am talking about @blakes-dictionxry and @ssa-cinnamon. both of them are mutuals that i hold very near and dear to my heart, but neither of them are active. jemma took a break for as long as she needed, and i am not sure what happened to eva, but they are still posting queue posts. either way, both of them are wonderful creators and regardless of their activity, you should check out their content!

now i will be talking about my loves with which i never interact. we are still very much mutuals, but i am too socially awkward so i never talk. celie ( @ellegreenawy), anj ( @hotchsbabygirl), aimz ( @ssaic-jareau), and lauren ( @villainousunsub) I hope you all know that you are all incredible and i still appreciate you, even if i never talk to you!

next we have ms. @haleymalaffey. now if you aren’t following haley, you aren’t really living. ms. ma’am is literally one of my favorite parts of my dash. haley is one of the most transparent, bright, and enthusiastic people on this whole platform. she literally has the ability to make you feel the same love she has for things, it’s incredible. i love you very much, haley!

a @sunlightgalaxy is up next! now you think of something, nic can do it. homegirl is multi-multi-multi-talented. we’ve been mutuals for all of 4 (?) days, but i’ve been following her forever (fun fact: nic only followed me because i accidentally unfollowed her when her user was something about jeid). she is one of the most incredible creators and i look forward to seeing what she does every day! i love you!

it’s abbie time! @lizziechase is just.... y’know? she is involved in so many fandoms, so if you think it, abbie probably makes content for it. she is so funny talented and will definitely be willing to join a wandavision watch party with you (i don’t actually know that). abbie makes some of my favorite edits on this whole website, you guys do not understand. mwah! i love you!

really the superior she/they, @goldenxreid! marcy truly exists to show everyone how wonderful they are! she writes just magnificently, she makes the most beautiful edits, they are so kind, like i could go on! marcy and i first interacted over debating which of the barbie movies was the best. i feel like that says something about us. marcy, i hope you know how much i love and appreciate you!!

@royalpenelope is next on the roster! okay, grace is just great. like she may be one of the funniest people on this whole platform. there are times when i see her post and just actually cackle because she’s just that good. i don’t think grace is afraid of anything and that’s incredible. we may not interact the most, but i still love you beary much, grace!

now, i will be tagging both of qvo’s accounts because i never remember which to tag. @qvid-pro-qvo/ @main-for-qvo is genuinely one of my favorite people on this whole platform. she is another person that i really first interacted with about barbie movies (you’re still wrong, qvo, btw.) she writes so well, and i look forward to every single post of hers because i know it will be incredible. i could shower qvo with all my love and i wouldn’t even close to giving her all she deserves! i love you!!

it’s frog expert @greenaway-lewis‘s time for the spotlight! ms. lucy is what we call a jack of all trades. edit? she does it. writes? lucy does it. be incredible? oh you guessed it, lucy does it. everytime we interact, i get such a joy because she is just that wonderful! she’s also on CST so while the rest of the website is celebrating because apparently this whole site is EST, she’s waiting. in all honesty, there is not a single interaction or piece of content with or from lucy that just doesn’t make me smile. i love you bunches, lucy!

the moment you’ve all been waiting for: @crazyshannonigans!! y’all ever met someone and you’re just like, “wow. let me be them.” yeah, that’s me with shan. she writes just incredibly? she’s gorgeous?? she’s kind??? she can sing???? unfortunately, she picked a poor hockey team to be a fan of, but you know, even shan isn’t perfect. but aside from her hockey flaws, this woman is incredible in every way and i love you!!

and last but definitely not least, is @hurricanejjareau. now, if you follow me, you more than likely follow red because, if you aren’t, you don’t know what you are missing out on. red and i have been irls for like 7 or 8 years, but that doesn’t mean i can’t gush over her on tumblr. that’s right, babeyy! i’ve been following red over pretty much her entire writing journey, and the growth?? unmatched. she is one of the most talented people i’ve ever had the opportunity to meet, and deserves every single nice thing in the world. i love you so big, red.

and now it is time for me to tag some non-moots whose content i absolutely adore! @ssa-lesbian, @ssaemxlyprentxss, @winterscaptain, @kermitsaysgayrights, @whump-town, @themetaphorgirl, and @penemily (and probably more!) i hold everything you make and say near and dear to my heart!

have a wonderful 2021 everyone!!

[gravity-lifts]

Prime numbers for the ask game? ALSO!! WONDER PETS!!!!

!!!!! WONDER PETS!!! also there are A LOT of prime numbers, so I’m gonna add a read more to this, sorry about such a long answer Cress! I counted and there are 43, here they all are

2. (Do I have any nicknames?) yep!! I have a few on here (I’d list but it’d make this already going to be super long post even longer) and my family calls me Fi

3. (Zodiac sign?) Pieces!

5. (Book/series I reread?) What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli and Adam Silvera!

7. (Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write?) Leigh Bardugo, all of her stuff is so so good

11. (Favourite song?) Depends on the day, but today it’s Take Me or Leave Me from Rent

13. (Favourite word?) Vindictive (I think I just like v sounds tbh, but like, try saying that, its so fun!!) (alternatively noggy, but that’s not really a word yet)

17. (Pirates or ninjas?) Pirates, but I don’t have any reasoning, sorry!!

19. (Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song?) this also changes a lot, it’s been You Happened from The Prom for a minute now though

23. (A bad quality of mine?) I’m pretty self deprecating, which is definitely something I need to work on

29. (My best friend?) One of my irls x

31. (Hair colour?) Brown!!

37. (Favourite TV shows as a child?) Another one was the wiggles!!

41. (Do I have any strange phobias?) I don’t think so? idk

43. (Favourite hobbies?) One I don’t think I mentioned was Knitting

47. (Favourite animal?) My cat Squeak (or like, hamsters to get less specific)

53. (What makes me smile?) Talking to you all <3

59. (Afraid of heights?) Nope!!

61. (What was the last concert I went to see?) Shawn Mendes

67. (Scared of the dark?) 100%. Terrified of the dark. worst thing, I hate it.

71. (Something I wish I could do?) Go back in time, or teleport, I think

73. (Have I ever skipped school?) No, I am a, as some may say, goody two shoes because I don’t like getting bad grades or having adults mad at me (don’t like as in it causes me much anxiety)

79. (Sunsets or sunrise?) Sunrise!!! (I don’t like waking up for it tho)

83. (Have I ever had braces?) I have braces right now, actually!! they should be coming off soon

89. (Kindle or real book?) Real books because I can fidget with the pages

97. (Can I bake?) Yep!! I can bake many many things

101. (Who do I get on with better, girls or boys?) I really don’t know, but irl most of my friends are afab, sooooooo

103. (Sexual orientation?) NBLW/Lesbian!!

107. (Guilty pleasure?) I am guilty about all of my pleasures. Home reno tv maybe?

109. (A photo of myself.) I’m not super keen on putting a picture of my face on this bit of the internet, sorry!

113. (Favourite accents?) I have no idea

127. (Am I a bad loser?) Fiercely competitive? yes. Sore loser? definitely not 

131. (Am I a good liar?) honestly, it’s a possibility. I don’t lie much at all though

137. (Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?) Nope!! I haven’t ever failed a test (I think my worst grade on a test was a 75 on a quiz in fourth grade and I had a panic attack soooooooo)

139. (If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?) I would try to find the owner

149. (Do I have any tattoos?) not yet!

151. (Do I believe in Karma?) No

157. (What makes me nostalgic?) books that I liked reading as a kid!

163. (What do I love most about myself?) That I try my best to be kind

167. (Have I ever been on radio?) Yep!!

173. (Have I learnt from my mistakes?) I hope that I have!

179. (If I were immortal, what would I do?) Honestly? probably panic

181. (If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?) My aspirations do not involve crime, probably breaking and entering (like, old abandoned places. I just think it’d be neat /gen)

191. (What makes me the happiest?) Spending time with my best friend (they don’t sap my social battery, it’s great)

193. (What motivates me?) The thought of getting to be somewhere other than where I am now

197. (Something I hated as a child that I like now?) ...mushrooms? idk

199. (Live in the city or suburbs?) In the city!! I like the light <3

211. (How do I handle anger?) I put it into my box of bad emotions and I close the box again (I used to cry though)

[orderuponthe99prettygrimmdiaries]

Road to Recovery 👣

Well, this is gonna be a long ass one. Also, this has been kinda drafted over the past... week? So it’s gonna be a real rollercoaster of a ride. 

Had just binged Lucifer’s new season and was on reddit, looking at comments of redditors yelling at Luci to enjoy whilst he was finding stuff to freak out about. 

Like him, I should have just been in the moment. Appreciated it. Instead of worrying about the next. 

The past week has been.. emotional. Have been getting used to the fact that I might never speak or hear or see him again. Been also trying to focus on the bad to kinda ease the pain. At least it hurts a little less, less crying too. But it’s also like one day you do great, no crying, not much of missing and pain, but then the next, everything creeps in altogether and you fall apart. 

The thing is... why does it hurt so bad? Things had been weird for months. I mean, I was the one who was always preparing myself for him to leave, I was the one who told myself I’d be okay even if we never went on the date. And I guess it just boils back to... expectations. 

I expected him to care more, I didn’t expect that he’d be able to leave just like this. From regular convos to nothing in a week, now almost 2 weeks. I mean, we’ve had breaks. 1 day, 5 days, 10 days... It’s kinda strange if we were actually interested in the other. Maybe he wasn’t much of a texter and wanted to talk when we met. But did we really share much when we met? It’s odd... He doesn’t reply properly to texts, he disappears, he doesn’t really care much at times, but for some reason, I seem to remember the good more. It seemed like he does listen (at times), there were moments when I felt like he cared. A part of me still trusts him or sees the best in him. 

Initially, I was trying to avoid talking about him so I would also stop thinking about him and I could move on. But I think talking about it also helps. Did also google about moving on from crushes, and that is a major point. Maybe I’ll never figure out what really went wrong, but maybe I could still give myself some sorta closure.  Though reminiscing does hurt too. Going back to the place where we met, which is basically my workplace which I’ve to be at almost every day... The memories flooding in about the conversations we had. But it also helps me to acknowledge my feelings and fears, stuff that I suppose I didn’t acknowledge then. Maybe if I had been less afraid and tried harder, especially during the times we were both around considering how hard it was to get our schedules together. He probably thought I wasn’t that interested and moved on. Guys fall fast, but they seem to move on pretty quick too.

Ended up dreaming about him last night... It was really nice. There was a shipment, I didn’t let myself have hope that it would have been him. And he turned around, and it was him. I said hey and touched his arm. I headed off downstairs talking to the other guys, one of them was teasing me for giving him my number. He came down too. We sat there for a bit, and I asked if I could lean on his shoulder, and we ended up hugging too. That was just wonderful, but it’s sad to know it’d never be reality. 

And I guess all those breaks we had throughout the months still gives me the slightest bit of hope that he might return... But now, 2 whole weeks of not speaking. The glimmer of hope fades as each day passes. Maybe, distance is just what we need, I tell myself. 

But now, there’s also a new guy. So I’m guessing the likelihood of seeing him ever again is almost impossible. But is it really so bad if we never spoke or see each other again? Did he even really care? What were we? 

Feels like history is repeating itself, and honestly, after re-reading old posts, maybe it is. Okay, but this time was slightly different. I fought harder. I should be proud that I got his number, or well, convinced him to get mine. I should be proud for initiating those texts, for finally picking up that video call, for asking him out. 

I do wonder at times if it would have been better if I was just honest from the start, that I was interested and I felt there’s something special, different, but not entirely sure what it was. I had friends tell me that I shouldn’t be too emotional about too much, especially at the start. I mean, I did do this the last time, granted they were all online friends, and now we’re still friends. Maybe it’s different being online vs irl. 

Should I continue fighting for him or just let this be another regret/what if? I guess I chose the latter. I was still too afraid to make a move, I was still too afraid to admit my feelings. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to give him the choice. But I was afraid, what if he only says he feels the same because knowing what I felt? I couldn’t take the leap. 

And the more I thought, the less I knew. What did I ever really know about you? What did I like about you? I guess I didn’t listen to myself enough, or to the rational part at least. The closer you look, the less you see. By the time I remember this, it was a little too late... 

I guess I need to stop trying to define everything. Some questions don’t have answers. Some stories won’t get closures. Not all friendships require daily talking. Why aren’t I okay with this? Am I just too attached to everyone? Does my life just basically revolve around people? Who the fuck am I?

I had been looking back at my old posts, all the way back to 2015, the darkest period of my life. I wanted to see what I did then, how did I handle it and pushed myself through. How the heck did I move on? Sure, it took me like... at least 2 years of moping around, then finally actually properly reaching out to get the help I needed. A couple months of counselling, pushing the focus back on myself, on self love and self care.

And all this unravelled within a couple months.

Granted, I think it was already starting to unravel early this year. All these work and personnel changes really fucked things up, with Covid just adding to it. And then comes those unexpected feelings, not knowing how to deal with it, worrying about how I’m gonna fuck it up, and in turn, fucking it up. Also, not giving myself a break when I truly needed it. I was afraid that if I took a break from texting him (okay I wasn’t really obsessively staring at my phone and replying immediately either, but I could have taken a proper break), I might have ended up losing him, and now, I’ve lost myself, I’ve lost him. 

So yep, losing myself... this time, I don’t think I was able to keep it as contained as I did previously. Loss of appetite, exhaustion... I guess at least I don’t exactly sigh as much as I did during the start of the year? But I guess now with Covid and mom at home, she’s noticed the symptoms too. And I guess how I tend to stay cooped in my room, retreat back after meals etc, not really making as much convos with my parents too... Maybe even agitation or irritation as my mom noticed too... 

She thinks it’s more physical, with my abnormal periods and stuff, like maybe I’m anaemic. Oof, and that one day she asked if I was alright because I didn’t seem happy. I literally broke down when I went back to my room. I try so hard to mask it all because I don’t want people to worry, and I want people to still be able to count on me when they need to. Though I’m pretty sure my colleagues noticed too. So I push myself. Sometimes I guess I pretend to be alright, cope with humour as my defence mechanism (self preservation through dissociation, amirite?), but then it comes crashing down the next day or next minute. 

I’m just human. I need to allow myself to feel. I need to embrace that I feel a lot, sometimes a little too much. I shouldn’t hate myself for caring too much, for feeling too much. I need to remember to allow myself to rest, or else this burnt out and exhaustion won’t do me or anyone any good. Yes, I want to be there for others, but sometimes you need to save yourself first. 

I’ve got one life to live, so I gotta live it. Right now it feels like I’m just surviving, otherwise basically floating through time and space. But it’s time to really live. it’s time to stop trying to keep everything under control. Sometimes a mistake is a destiny and sometimes we mess things up for the better. Stop comparing your progress and path to others. 

Recovery isn’t a straight line. You’re gonna feel good and then bad. You’re gonna feel like a bad-ass bitch who needs no one, but then the next you might be crying from the pain of missing him. Sometimes it will just get worse before it gets better. Real growth isn’t linear, it’s a step forward and 20 steps back. You’re gonna be tempted to text him, to hear his voice, to try one more time, but then you also gotta remember all the progress you’ve made. People are hard to forget and change takes time. 

Like Chandler and Joey were nudging Ross to move on from Rachel back in Season 1, maybe your friends had nudged you to move on too. My friends have been. Maybe our happiness just aren’t meant to be with each other. But I would love for you to be happy, even if it’s without me. 

So, I guess imma do a separate post about all the lessons I’ve re-learnt. It was a real headache trying to write this piece already. Thanks to anyone who’s actually taken the time to read this. Take care everyone! 

X

[multisfabulis]

Clairvoyant Rain

Word Count: 3038

TW: Implied self-harm, implied/referenced past child abuse

Can you believe it's been about a year since I last wrote these two? It's not that I don't have much to write about, I just haven't had the time to do so! Between working on Corona's Shadow, working on the backburner project you'll get to see after I post chapter 2 of "Love's Descent into Madness", and dealing with IRL stuff, RLD has kinda fallen to the wayside. I can't guarantee I'll work more on it but I'll try my best to!

By the way, the reason this fic exists is because I wanted to write soft Luce/Ravi and this song was my inspiration for it!

Read on AO3 | Read on DA | Support me on Ko-fi!

     Ravi tiredly opened his eyes and immediately regretted it. He hoped it would be morning so this wouldn’t happen but alas… It was still dark, the neon lights outside pouring in from the window. He could hear rain pattering on the glass as he looked at the digital clock for the time. In bright red numbers read 2:52 AM. Yep, way too early to be up and he fucking hated it.

     All waking up in the middle in the night ever did was ruin his good night’s sleep and make the alarm he set even more unbearable than it already was. If only he could go back to the days before Eli came and fucked everything up. That’d be really nice but because he’s wishing for it, he’ll never get those days back. He turned over onto his side and closed his eyes, wanting to drift back asleep.

     It was a moment later he heard a thunderous roar. His heart hammered against his chest as he shot up in bed. It took him some time to realize it wasn’t stuff being thrown around but something falling on piano keys from a great height. Luce knew better than to be loud when people were sleeping. Something must be happening if he was banging on the piano with no consideration for others.

     Tossing the covers aside, he hurried over to the door and opened it. He found himself face to face with a sleepy Amelia. She had a minor case of bedhead going on as dark pinkish eyes widened upon seeing him. No doubt on why she was up.

     “You heard that, too, right?” he asked quietly.

     Giving him a nod for her answer, he stepped in front and whispered, “All right, I’m gonna go see what’s going on. Stay behind me and don’t make a single peep.”

     They tiptoed down the hallway and he peeked around the corner. He saw Luce hunched over his piano, running his hands through his hair while muttering nonsense under his breath. He seemed to be frustrated, which was a rare state to see him in. His exclamation of “Damn it!” before slamming his hands down on the keys was further proof of it. Hearing the sudden discordant boom from up close startled Amelia as she nearly blew her cover with a stifled gasp.

     Turning around, he crouched down and put a finger to his lips, whispering, “Go back to bed, I’ll talk to Luce and everything will be fine, all right?”

     She nodded and walked back to her room. He watched her go inside and shut the door before deciding on his next course of action. He had an idea as to what was going on and he didn’t want her listening in on them. A girl her age shouldn’t be exposed to such dark things.

     He carefully made his way across the living room, being as quiet as the wind. He glanced over to where Luce’s knife was and grew worried when he saw it. It was laying on top of its sheath, meaning he took it out for a reason. He hoped it wasn’t the reason he was thinking of but he had his doubts. He sat beside the other man on the piano seat, concerned.

     “Luce?” he called out quietly, searching for his eyes. “Is everything all right?”

     Ruby red eyes met his as he replied in a guilty voice, “Snowbird, I, I’m sorry if I woke you up, I just---”

     “No, it’s fine, I’m just--” he tentatively put a hand on his back in an attempt to comfort him-- “I’m just wondering if you’re okay.”

     “Well,” he began, letting out a scoff, “I thought that if I played music for a little bit, I would stop thinking about the bad memories that just popped up out of nowhere but because my hands are shaking so damn bad, I’m not hitting the right keys and that’s pissing me the fuck off.

     “If my hands could just stop shaking, I’d be able to play, because if I don’t play soon, I’m gonna do something I’ll end up regretting and I don’t wanna do that so…” he trailed off, his voice going from a fever pitch to sounding broken.

     He rubbed his hand over his back, hoping to soothe him. It was then he looked down and his worry deepened into alarm. Luce was vigorously scratching at his arm, which was a canvas full of faded scars over pale white skin. Oh, that was definitely not good.

     He couldn’t let his panic get the best of him. It’d only worsen Luce’s already bad state and it was the last thing the both of them needed. He had to stay calm and try to curb his urge to hurt himself. In a way, this was good, because it meant he hadn’t done it yet, if the lack of blood wasn’t an indicator. He could try and talk him out of it so, if it worked, it’d encourage him to resist the temptation in the future.

     Placing a hand atop his to stop his scratching, Ravi asked, “Why don’t we go back to my room and get your mind off this for a little bit, hmm? Would that be okay?”

     “Yeah, that…might be good,” Luce replied, his breathing shaky.

     He helped him up off the seat and led him through the hallway. He held on to his hand the whole time as a means of keeping him grounded. Even so, he kept a close eye on him to make sure Luce was still in the present. It was after he brought him inside his room he saw some improvement in his condition.

     A quiet calm had replaced whatever anger was left in him. His eyes were no longer glassy and his breathing had steadied some. He was still there, he could reach him and not be met with silence.

     Setting him down on the bed, Ravi knelt in front of him and asked, “Are you feeling better?”

     “A little bit,” he replied, letting out a sigh afterwards. “Snowbird, listen, I’m sorry for making you have to take care of me and---”

     “Hey, hey, hey, none of that, all right?” He reached up to cup his cheek. “You’re not a burden to me, Luce. I know this is a new thing for both of us but I’ll be there for you, okay? Whatever it is, I’ll be there so…remember that.”

     With the ghost of a smile, Luce took hold of his hand and kissed the back of his fingers. His lips curled into a small smile of his own at the display. At least it showed he meant what he said by feeling a bit better. He retracted his hand and stood up with a huff, sitting beside him on the bed.

     “So, do you wanna talk about it?” he asked, leaning forward to see his face.

     Watching the small trace of relief fade away, he quickly added, “It doesn’t have to be about that! It could be about anything you want! Anything that’ll get your mind off that…”

     A huge clap of thunder sounded off in that instant, rattling the whole apartment. The loud boom caused his heart to stop for a split second before resuming. He turned to face the window to see if the power had gone out from that. Nope, the stupid neon signs from across the street were still on so that’s that.

     “Jesus Christ, that was loud. You okay after hearing that, Lu---”

     He turned around to check on him and fell silent. Luce was leaning back on the bed, his eyes closed as if he were listening to the downpour outside. What really stunned him was the expression on his face. He looked…content, no signs of stress or detachment present. Just peace and serenity, things he never thought he’d ever see on him, at least not for a long time.

     “Luce?”

     As if he just remembered he wasn’t alone, Luce straightened up and said, “Sorry, I just got…entranced listening to the rain.”

     “You actually like this shitty weather?” he asked incredulously. No normal person would like this kind of weather. Then again, he’s forgetting that Luce isn’t normal by any stretch of the imagination.

     “I love it, it’s very special to me,” he replied. “Have I not told you this?”

     “No, and we’ve been going out for how long?”

     “Do you wanna know why, then? I think you’ll have somewhat of an idea when I tell you I began to love the rain on that night.”

     It took him longer than it should’ve to realize what he meant. The night he became truly free from his shackles, the night he… That already told him just a hint of the significance rain carried for Luce. He may not have understood why it was so special but it was cruel of him to mock that which he clearly loved so…

     “That night, after I did what I did,” Luce began, a tone of reminiscence held in his voice, “I went outside. I looked up and there were dark storm clouds coming in and before I knew it, it started pouring down rain. The moment I felt those raindrops hit me, I knew…I’d be okay.

     “I had been so numb, numb to everything that touched me. The beatings my father would give me, the kisses my mother would give me, I felt none of it for so long. That rain was the first thing I felt in such a long time and…I cried. I could finally feel something and I was happy, I was…alive. I think, in that moment, the rain washed away not only the blood but my ‘self’. That was when I became Luce.”

     “When you say that, do you mean you weren’t called Luce before?” Ravi asked, confused by his wording.

     “You really think my parents gave enough of a shit about me to give me a name?” he replied with a sardonic smile. “I was called either some of the worst things you’d ever say to a kid or fake pet names. I found the name Lucian when I was 11 or 12 but I only really embraced it when I was 15.

     “Anyway, ever since then, I’ve always taken rain as a sign of good luck.” He laid back on the bed, his arms folded under his head. “If it rains, that means something good will happen.”

     No wonder why Luce liked rain so much. It represented freedom, it made him feel alive when death wanted to take him, it gave him a life. It was hard to say whether it played a role in the two of them crossing paths but the universe was funny like that. Whatever it may be, Luce was here now and maybe it was fate that he woke up to help him through a bad time.

     “So what’s the best thing the rain’s ever brought you?” he asked, curious to know his answer.

     “Hmm…” Luce looked as if he was deep in thought before replying, “I’d say it was meeting you. It was raining the day we met.”

     Feeling heat rush to his cheeks, he attempted to deflect that by saying, “Maybe you should go up to the roof and soak in the rain for a little while because I highly doubt that I’m the best thing rain’s brought you.”

     Without missing a beat, he countered that with, “It was raining the day I realized I loved you, too.”

     “Oh, come on, that’s not even fucking fair!” he exclaimed, his whole face now warm to the touch. “What the hell do I say to argue against that?!”

     Luce’s laughter at his expense made him turn away from him. He really should’ve known better than to degrade himself around Luce. He refused to allow him to believe there was nothing good about him and it annoyed the fuck out of him. He knew it was because he loved him and wanted to prove him wrong but still. It was rather touching to know how far he’d go but he’d never admit that out loud.

     After catching his breath, Luce took hold of Ravi’s wrist and, in a tender voice, said, “I love you.”

     “...I love you too,” he answered back, defeated. Luce knew exactly what to say to put an end to his self-loathing. It was so rare of him to say “I love you” first so of course he’d say it. “Can I kiss you?”

     He sat up, leaned in close, and replied, “Yes.”

     Ravi closed his eyes and bridged the gap between them. Luce parted his lips just a fraction, kissing him back with chasteness. It was a simple kiss that only lasted a few seconds before they pulled away, Ravi exhaling out a breath. He quickly stood up as he shoved down the urge to go in for a second kiss.

     “All right, get the fuck off the bed, I gotta sleep,” he said, stretching his arms up above him. Then he remembered what happened earlier. “You gonna be okay?”

     “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he replied, standing up as well.

     “You sure? If you want, I can---”

     Luce cut him off with a kiss to the forehead. He pulled away with a fond smile on his face and whispered, “I’ll be okay. Go to bed, Snowbird.”

     Guess that was as good an answer as any. He reluctantly crawled under the covers and looked at the clock for the time. 3:43 AM in dull red numbers. God, did they really spend almost an hour just talking about the rain? There went his full night’s sleep but he’d learn to deal with it.

     His eyes wandered over to Luce. He wasn’t sure if it’d really be okay for him to sleep while he might still be in need of help. He seemed to be getting on now but it had only been an hour since everything and there was no telling of the future. In the end, he had to trust Luce to come to him if he needed him. Exhaustion swept over him like a wave and he struggled to stay awake.

     “Goodnight, Luce.”

     “Goodnight, Snowbird.”

     And he was out like a light.

     It was morning when he woke up next. He must’ve overslept because he could hear the sounds of rush hour outside his apartment. His alarm didn’t go off so it must’ve been switched off at some point last night. Good thing Luce did it on the weekend; otherwise, he’d be in a panic, trying to make up for lost time. He attempted to turn over but was stopped by an arm around his waist.

     It was then he found Luce curled up next to him, soundly asleep. He was taken aback by this display. Him being asleep was a rare enough sight on its own but him sleeping beside him on the bed was virtually unheard of. The only other time they were like this was the first night they slept together. He wasn’t able to do it before, due to the circumstances, but he could do it now.

     He brushed strands of hair away from Luce’s face, admiring his beauty. He looked so peaceful, so…vulnerable, an impossibility made real. It’s not like he hadn’t seen other sides of Luce. There was the crooked smile and glint in his eyes when he was playful and the furrowed brow and emotionless voice when he was serious. Yet the tranquil and unguarded Luce before him was like a secret he was finally let in on.

     Was his trust in him so deep, he felt like he could do this with him? It had to be if this was happening and Ravi was…happy. Knowing the kind of life Luce had before meeting him, before he knew what freedom was, he was so glad that Luce was letting himself be like this around him. He wondered if maybe, just maybe, he felt safe while in his presence. If so, then…

     He carded his fingers through dark locks, bringing him in close. He decided to bask in the morning sun with him in the little time he had before needing to get up. He softly kissed Luce’s temple and brought him even closer. Their faces were mere inches apart as he shut his eyes. The last thing he could’ve swore he saw was the corner of his mouth curve up into a small smile.

[mycupoffanfiction]

A Real Sweet Guy Part 5

A biker!Bucky x shy!Reader Series

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

The reader lives on the same street as Bucky, the leader of a biker gang, which everyone in her building is afraid of, except for her. When Bucky makes a simple act of kidness to the reader, she realises she was right to not be afraid of him.

Warnings: So much fluff, loads of fluff. Mentions of disfunctional family. *SMUT*, language. 

Word count: Approx 7000

Masterlist

Permanent tag list is open.

Yay part 5! I’ve been working on this for a few days. God I am in LOVE with this series urgh. I keep intending to only write short chapters but I end up diving in and writing huge parts, I think that’ll just be a constant thing. I mentioned in an earlier post that the family issues covered in this part are similar to what I experience IRL, I’m really struggling with this right now, but writing this kind of stuff into my characters is helping. 

Enjoy your weekend 💕

__________________________

“Hey Wanda.” You greet her cheerfully as you sandwich your phone between your ear and shoulder to continue what you were doing. “Hey sweetie, what’s up? Hope I’m not calling at a bad time.” She replies, her voice crackling a little from the signal. “No, no, just tidying. How was your date?” You ask, collecting together your papers from the coffee table. “Oh, you know.” She tries to sound unimpressed but you can hear the excitement in her voice. “It was amazing!” Wanda giggled down the line as you held your phone properly. “Great! What did you do?” You ask, sitting down on the sofa and examining your fresh tattoo. “We went for dinner and then we went back to Steve’s place.” Wanda explained. “We might have made things official already.” She said, a hint of mischievousness in her voice. “What do you- oh.” You suddenly realised what she meant. “Was it good?” You ask, frowning at yourself, wondering if that was even a good question to ask. “What? No! That’s not what I meant!” Wanda burst out laughing. You laughed to yourself, shifting on the sofa. “No, I just meant Steve asked me to be his girlfriend, although things did get a little heated, since you’re so interested.” Wanda said matter-of-factly, letting out a little laugh at the end. “You and Bucky are getting closer, if you know what I mean.” She turns it around on you. “He asked me to be his girl, Wanda.” You grin to yourself, fiddling with your nails as you spoke. Wanda shrieked at you. “I knew it would happen sooner or later, that man is so in love with you, (Y/n).” Wanda exclaimed. A knock at the door caught your attention and you apologised to Wanda before hanging up to rush to the door.

 Opening it up, you saw Bucky standing on the other side, a huge smile on his face. “Hey, doll.” Bucky greeted you. “Bucky!” You practically threw yourself into his arms, causing him to chuckle as he buried his face into your hair, wrapping his arms around you tightly. He walked you back into the apartment and closed the door with his foot, letting you go and looking down at you. “How did you get in the building?” You asked, knowing he didn’t have a key. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” Bucky scoffed. You looked at him confused for a moment. “Gladys let me in, even smiled at me. No newspaper either.” Bucky chuckled at your perplexed features. “She smiled at you? And you’re sure she voluntarily let you in?” You couldn’t quite believe the shift in behaviour. Bucky laughed and nodded. “Promise I didn’t intimidate her, sweetheart.” Bucky reassured you, combing some of your hair out of the way. “Anyway, sorry to drop in unannounced, but uh.” He cut himself off, pulling his backpack off his shoulders. “I picked something up on the way home from work and I couldn’t wait to give it to you.” He beamed, unzipping the bag.

 You watched in excitement as he pulled out a new leather jacket from his bag and handed it to you. It was deep cherry red, like Wanda’s with the Howling Commandos name embroidered on the back. “Here.” Bucky held it up for you, signalling for you to put it on and you slid your arms into the jacket. Bucky waited for you to adjust it so it was just right and you turned around and beamed up at him. “How does it look?” You ask. “You look beautiful, sweetheart. And badass.” He grinned, making you laugh. “You’re officially part of the crew, darlin’.” Bucky gripped your shoulders firmly. “Officially a member of the Howling Commandos.” You pecked his cheek lightly and looked down at the jacket. You moved into the bedroom to have a look at your new garment, Bucky was right behind you and you loved the way he eyed you in the mirror, his hands resting on your hips as you admired the new jacket. “Thank you so much, Bucky.” You beamed. “I can’t wait to show Wanda.” You say as you go to pull it off. “Uh-uh, you wanna go give that jacket a test run, sweetheart? Maybe drop by Stevie’s place?” Bucky suggested and you didn’t even have to think twice before saying yes.

 “I feel more and more like a biker every time I see you, Bucky.” You laughed, holding his hand as he lead you down the street to his house. “Yeah? And what does it feel like to be a biker, darlin’? Cause I’m not sure even I know what that feels like.” He chuckles, leading you up his driveway to the garage door. “I guess I just feel more confident than I used to, Buck.” You sigh contently as Bucky fiddles with his keys and turns the lock. Pulling open the garage door, you smile at the sight of his beautiful Harley. “Will you teach me to ride one day?” You ask. “Sure, if that’s what you want sweetheart.” Bucky grinned at you; happy you’d even asked the question. “C’mon, lets take her for a spin and drop by Steve’s. He’s expecting me anyway.” He smiles, pinching the fabric of your jacket.

 You cling to Bucky as you ride through the streets. The rush of being on the motorcycle made you smile to yourself, the low rumble beneath you that vibrated through you. You wondered what it would really feel like to drive one yourself, hopefully soon you’d find out the answer to that question. The autumnal air was cold and a little damp from the drizzle coming down, but you didn’t mind. Bucky turned the bike, taking you down a road with trees arching over the top and you looked up, admiring the changing colours. You felt at ease, free and comfortable when you rode with Bucky. It was like a momentary pause in the regular mundane parts of your life where things felt exciting and you found yourself smiling at the happiness you felt.

 Eventually Bucky pulled up to Steve’s house, stopping his bike in the driveway. You’d never visited Steve’s before, but it looked like a nice house, small but cosy looking. You climbed off the back and pulled off your helmet, shaking your hair out to make it sit just how you liked and Bucky looked at you with a smile of adoration at the way you moved. He opened his mouth to say something, but the front door was swung open and Wanda burst out of the house towards you both. “(Y/n)!” She pulled you into a tight hug and you reciprocated, squeezing her tightly as you watched Steve pull Bucky into a hug, heavy back patting and shoulder clapping as they parted and Wanda moved over to greet Bucky. Steve pulled you into a one armed hug and guided you both indoors. “I’ll get some coffee going.” Steve announced, walking down the hall. “Make yourself at home.” He called back to you as Wanda pulled you into the living room and Bucky parted ways with you both to join Steve in the kitchen.

 “I love your new jacket.” Wanda went behind you to examine it. “It’s just like yours.” You smile, slowly shrugging it off. “We’ll have to get you some patches to put on it, it’ll be very you in no time.” Wanda grinned, taking it from you to hang it up in the hallway. “Did you stay over last night?” You ask, looking around the living room at Steve’s décor. It was fairly simple and plain, quite minimalist, but it was nice. It still had a sleek, cosy feeling about it. “Yep, didn’t fancy going back to the trailer last night.” She sighed. “You live in a trailer park?” You ask, looking across at her questioningly. “Yeah, on the other side of town, Piet and I live there.” She smiled to herself. “Just have some real asshole neighbours.” She rolled her eyes. “They get drunk, make a lot of noise every night. Steve keeps offering to intimidate them but I have a feeling that’ll just make it worse.” Wanda scoffs as you both sit down on the sofa. “But other than them, I love our trailer. It’s small but nice and Piet and I have always been together. I think Steve understands that where I go, Pietro goes too.” Wanda smiles.

 “You got any close family?” She asks as you lean back against the sofa cushion. “Not really. Well I do, we just don’t talk. We never really got along but I just contact a couple of years ago when things got too much.” You sighed, remembering the drama before you’d left home. “Sometimes I miss having parental figures in my life, other times I feel like I’m still not over the pain they caused and I remember why I moved away.” You reminisced. “Sometimes I get jealous of people when they talk about their families, how great their mum’s are and how much time they spend with them.” You sigh. “I get that. My parents died when Piet and I were young, we’ve been supporting each other ever since. I get jealous of people with families too.” Wanda leaned against you. Both of you had a lot more similarities than you first thought. It was nice, having someone who really seemed to understand some of what you felt.

 Your conversation drops when Bucky and Steve enter the room, putting mugs down on the coffee table and sitting in the armchairs opposite you and Wanda. “What are our girls talking about?” Steve asked, a smirk on his lips as you and Wanda reach for your drinks. “Mm, just family stuff.” Wanda wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk about it so openly, keeping the details small as she lifted her mug to her lips. Steve nodded, giving you both a sympathetic smile, knowing it likely wasn’t something you wanted to both share right now. “Buck and I were thinking about going out tomorrow, like a double date or somethin’.” Steve pitches their idea and Wanda smiles, looking over at you and giving you a questioning look. “Sure, sounds like fun.” You nod and smile, Wanda looking pleased with your response as she sips on her drink. “There’s a fun fair opening up tomorrow night.” Bucky suggested, to which everyone agreed was a good place to go on your date.

 “Absolutely not, Barnes.” Wanda huffed. “I already coined (Y/n) tomorrow morning.” Wanda crossed her arms in fake offence, Bucky chuckling at her. “You did?” You ask, giggling a little at her defensive reaction. “Well I was going to.” She admitted quietly, hoping Bucky wouldn’t hear. “I wanted to go shopping with you, maybe introduce you to Pietro.” Wanda said excitedly. “Okay, but all I wanted to do was invite my girl over for breakfast, can I at least have her for breakfast? Well not for breakfast, you know what I mean.” Bucky stumbled over his words making Steve choke on his coffee, receiving a sharp slap to the shoulder from Bucky. “Suuuure.” Steve smirked, snickering to himself. “Steve.” Bucky hissed, looking at him angrily while you and Wanda tried to stifle your laughter. “And then we go on our date.” Wanda tried to defuse the situation. “Busy day for you, (Y/n).” Steve said, laughter still in his voice as he restrained himself, Bucky nudging him in the arm with his elbow.

 Not long after you finished your drinks and Bucky and Steve had bickered sufficiently, Bucky drove you home. You spent your evening alone in your flat, enjoying your usual pastimes, receiving the odd message from Wanda or Bucky throughout the evening. You eventually head to bed, messaging Bucky goodnight and smiling to yourself in the darkness of your bedroom as you see his last message of the night pop up.

Goodnight, doll. Sleep well, I’ll see ya in the morning. I love you xx

 “Do you think that’s what makes me scary?” Bucky asks, looking down at his metal arm as you munch on the pastries he’d bought for both of you. “What? No!” You cry, grabbing his metal hand. “But sweetheart, you’re different, somehow I didn’t scare you but everyone else in that building is terrified of me.” Bucky whined. “Apparently Gladys isn’t anymore.” You quirk a brow before taking another bite of your pastry. “I mean you said she smiled at you yesterday when you came up to my apartment.” You said through a mouthful. “Mm.” Bucky nodded, chewing and swallowing. “Did you say something to her?” He asks, reaching for his mug. “Perhaps.” You shrug, remembering telling her you didn’t think she was as scared of Bucky as she claimed to be. “I might’ve told her something.” You smirk, popping the last of your pastry in your mouth. “You intimidated her?” Bucky looked at you wide eyed. You almost choked on your pastry when you laughed, shaking your head. “Me? Intimidate someone? I don’t think I’m even able to make an intimidating face.” You scoff. “But no, I just told her I thought she wasn’t as scared of you as she made it look, guess I was right.” You shrug, downing the last of your juice. “Aw, c’mon, I’m sure you could be intimidating, sweetheart.” Bucky smiled playfully. “I severely doubt that, Buck.” You scoff, shaking your head. “But back to your original question, I don’t think your arm scares people.” You grip his metal hand, squeezing it gently. “Even if it does, what does it matter? Your friends aren’t scared of it. It’s not like it has a mind of it’s own.” You smooth your fingers over the silver plates, watching them whir and move underneath your touch. “Besides, it’s hot.” You mumble, blushing when you realise you’d just said that out loud. For god’s sake. What is it with you and saying things out loud? Bucky pauses, lowing his mug from his lips and looks at you with a cheeky smile. “What was that, sweetheart?” He asked, turning on the charm with his velvety, deep voice. You drop your face into your hand. Bucky reaches forwards, curling his metal fingers around your wrist and gently pulling your hand away from your features. “You think it’s hot, huh?” He gives you a huge grin. “Is that it, sweetheart?” Bucky asks playfully, his metal thumb gently brushing over your bottom lip as you avoid eye contact. The doorbell rings and you breathe a sigh of relief when Bucky immediately jumps up to get the door.

 “Enjoy your breakfast, Barnes?” Wanda’s playful tone makes you giggle as you walk down the hall towards them, pulling on your boots. “It was delicious.” Bucky says matter-of-factly, smirking down at you as you grab your new jacket and pull it on. “Take care of her.” Bucky points at Wanda with a straight face. Wanda holds up her hands in surrender. “Just taking her shopping Barnes, ain’t anything dangerous about that.” She smiles. “Except for my imminent loss of money.” You mumble from behind Bucky, eliciting a laugh from them both as you grab your backpack and move to the door, wrapping your arms around Bucky. Bucky captures your lips with his, kissing you deeply with a hunger you’ve not experienced from him before and you slowly break away from him, dropping back flat on your feet from your toes. “See you later.” Bucky winks at you and you practically melt, giggling awkwardly as you feel yourself blush. Wanda grabs your hand and pulls you out of the front door, both of you shouting goodbye to Bucky on your way out.

 It was later in the day when you and Wanda were dropped off at Bucky’s house by Pietro. You’d had a good morning together and ate out for lunch, the three of you having casual but good conversations. It was nice to have finally met Pietro, the twin that Wanda seemed to adore so much. You could see how much love they had for each other and it warmed your heart, seeing siblings so close. You kept thinking back to your conversation with Wanda the previous day about how you sometimes get jealous of other families. You weren’t jealous of her; you were more happy for her than anything that she had Pietro in her life, that she still had some family. Maybe you envied that, but not in a bad way.

 “Thanks for driving us.” You talk into Pietro’s shoulder as you hug him goodbye. “Anytime.” He smiles, letting go and pulling Wanda in for a big hug. You leave them to it and walk up the pathway to the front door where Bucky waits for you, leaning against the doorframe. “Hey sweetheart.” He grins at you, opening his arms for you. You walk into his arms, wrapping yourself around him and breathing in his scent. The warm, cosy smell of woody, spicy cologne tickling your senses and you hum in happiness as Bucky squeezes you, backing into the house with you slowly. “How was your shopping trip?” He asks, letting go of you and motioning down at the bags in your hand. “Good, got some new clothes, a few other things.” You smile, trying to keep yourself from grinning. You’d bought some new sexy red lingerie, but you’d hidden the bag away in the hopes that you could keep Bucky from knowing until later.

 A few hours later, you had since changed into your new lingerie, hoping to surprise Bucky later and hung out with everyone until the time came for your date. You climbed onto the back of Bucky’s bike, watching as Wanda shared Steve’s bike too and you both set off, Bucky following Steve through the busy rush hour streets. Eventually you all arrived at the fun fair. You appeared to be the only four bikers in sight, though there were plenty of children who stared at the four of you as you drove in, both in awe and slight fear of the leather clad group.

 You took Bucky’s hand as you walked towards the entrance, he rummaged around in his jeans pocket and pulled out a handful of change. “Sure you don’t want me to pay, I probably have some notes in my bag.” You offer, reaching for the strap of your bag. “No, no, I got it doll.” Bucky smiled, pulling out the notes he’d been looking for and dropping the change back in his pocket. Bucky handed the notes over at the entry booth, handing you a very old fashioned style ticket and you slotted the paper neatly away in your phone case with the intention of keeping it as a keepsake.

 “What did you do today, Buck?” You ask, looking up at him as the two of you waited in line for the Ferris wheel. “Went to see my ma and sister and hung out a bit with Stevie.” He smiled when he mentioned his family and you let out a deep sigh. “Everything alright, darlin’?” Bucky asked, his features softening as he looks down at you. “Yeah.” You nod, trying to sound convincing, but you can see from the knowing look on his face that Bucky sees right through you. Taking a deep breath, you hold his metal hand in yours and look straight ahead. “Hey, you can tell me anything sweetheart.” Bucky reassures you, his hand squeezing yours. “It’s just family stuff, Buck.” You huff, squeezing your eyes shut. “What do you mean?” Bucky’s voice was soft and gentle, not at all judgemental. “I just feel like everyone has at least some family. I don’t have anyone, not after I cut contact with them. It’s so hard and some days I get really overwhelmed.” You explain, looking over at a little girl with her father, giggling away at something funny he said. Bucky puts his arm around you as you step forwards in line and pulls your head against his shoulder. “It’s alright sweetheart. I know it ain’t the same, but we’re your family. God you should hear what Stevie tells me about Wanda’s ramblings about how much she loves you.” He chuckles. “And hey, maybe if you want, I can introduce you to my ma and my sister, I’m sure they’d love you just as much.” Bucky squeezes you and you smile up at him. “Do you really think so?” You ask. “Absolutely, doll. They already love the sound of you, told ‘em all about you today and they loved your cookies. I saved a few and took them over.” Bucky beamed at you and you giggled, blushing.

 You were both ushered into the Ferris wheel, the bar in front of you pushed down by the attendant at the front of the line and you slowly started to ascend. “What does your mum think of you bringing home a girl like me?” You ask, looking out at the fun fair as you get a little higher up. “What do ya mean, a girl like you? You’re somewhere between cute shy neighbour and badass biker, don’t really think there’s a label for that, sweetheart.” Bucky chuckles. “I’d side more with shy neighbour.” You shrug, smiling as Bucky’s arm finds its way around your shoulders and he brings you close. “Stop selling yourself short darlin’, thought you said you felt more like a biker earlier.” He smirks at you, poking you in the side and you remember very distinctly saying you felt more confident. “I get it thought, sweetheart, life ain’t easy.” Bucky sighs. “But, we do have each other. I’m gonna be here for you no matter what, alright?” He assures you pulling you closer. “Now, if we don’t kiss when we reach the top of this wheel, I’m gonna make you queue again.” Bucky jokes and you let a string of giggles pass through your lips. Turning your head to face Bucky, you both slowly lean in, your lips brushing against each other, you start moving your soft lips against his, revelling in his leathery, woody smell, the way his stubble scratches against your soft skin, his long strands of hair that hang loose from his bun that tickle the side of your face. The way his leather jacket creaks slightly as Bucky moves his hand up to caress your cheek so gently with his thumb. Your tongues touch, ever so lightly and you slowly deepen the kiss, your hands finding their way inside of his jacket and running up his toned chest and reaching around the back of his neck, your fingers gently slipping across his hair, digging in a little and you receive a low growl from Bucky. You slowly part, your eyes meeting his as he tucks some of your hair out of the way. “I might just have to make us queue again if you’re gonna kiss me like that, darlin’.” Bucky breaks the silence, causing you to giggle at his remark.

 “Jesus, what took you so long? You were supposed to meet us ten minutes ago!” Steve exclaimed, walking towards you and Bucky with Wanda at his side, grinning at you knowingly. “Sorry, we just really wanted to ride the Ferris wheel again.” Bucky smirked down at you. “Oh suuuure.” Steve rolls his eyes playfully. “No, really Steve, we did.” Bucky insisted, a wide smile on his lips as he playfully squared up to his best friend. “Whatever man, but you kept me waiting and I’m hungry.” Steve whined.

 The four of you ate dinner together. You’d managed to find an empty bench to sit on but there wasn’t much room, so you resorted to sitting on Bucky’s lap while you ate, which he didn’t seem to mind at all. When you were finished eating, Bucky pulled you closer to him on his lap, making you relax against him with your arm around his shoulder as you faced Steve and Wanda. “You two doing anything tonight?” Bucky asks, looking over at Steve. Neither of them say anything but judging by the look shared between Wanda and Steve, followed by the little smirk playing on Steve’s lips, you have an idea of what they plan to do. “C’mon, let’s go on a few more rides before it gets late.” Steve breaks the moment, leaping up from the bench.

 All four of you wander around the fair, going on rides together and chatting amongst yourselves. Bucky and Steve decide to compete at duck shooting to see who can win something first and you and Wanda walk off to the arcade to leave the boys to their competition. As you’re walking, you see a photobooth and gasp dramatically, taking Wanda’s hand and pulling her along with you to the booth. “Lets get some photos.” You motion at the booth and Wanda excitedly agrees. You feed a note into the machine and the two of you get in and take some photos together. There’s a few silly ones, but most of them were mainly photos of the two of you together laughing and smiling and hugging each other. While you waited for the photos to print, Wanda waved the boys over, who were clearly very deep in an argument.

 “I’m telling you, that game is rigged, I tried five times and shot perfectly and nothing happened.” Steve scoffed. “No way, if it was rigged, how’d I manage to win both girls some stuff, huh? Maybe you’re just bad at it Steve.” Bucky poked his friend in the chest as they approached. “For you.” Bucky handed Wanda one of the two small stuffed bears he’d won. “And for my sweetheart.” Bucky gave you a sweet smile as he handed you the little brown bear and you reached up on your toes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you Bucky.” You say sweetly to him and he grins at your excitement. “Aw, you two took photos without us?” Steve frowns, seeing you holding onto the photo strips and grabbing your wrist to pull your hand up so he can see them. “That one is cute.” He points at a photo of you and Wanda leaning against each other, laughing at the joke you told her, your noses scrunched up a little and your grins were wide and infectious. “Yeah, but this one is cuter.” Bucky positions your hand so he can see better, pointing at a photo of you and Wanda with your arms around each other, smiling widely but looking at each other instead of the camera. The contrast of two very large, burly bikers clad in leather being complete softies really warmed your heart and you giggled at their antics. “C’mon, I wanna get some with you, darlin’.” Bucky smiled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his fistful of change.

 The four of you had played a game of musical photobooth, first it was you and Bucky, then Wanda and Steve and then Steve wanted photos with Bucky and then you all used the last of your spare change and squeezed all four of you into the booth somehow and got photos of all of you together, despite the slightly uncomfortable positions you had to stand in to get them, but it was so worth the photos that were printed afterwards.

 You had made your way back to the bikes and said goodbye to Wanda and Steve, the pair of them leaving fairly soon after you arrived in the parking lot. “So co-pilot, where to?” Bucky asks, leaning against his bike, his hands resting on the curve of your waist under your jacket. “I could drop you at your place or we could go to mine, have a dance maybe?” Bucky suggested. “I would love a dance.” You smile as Bucky hands you your helmet and you push your hair away to slide it on your head.

 Bucky takes you the long way home to enjoy the hilltop view like you had the other night when he’d asked you to be his girl. You spent a little quiet time up there admiring the stars and occasionally chatting as you leant against Bucky who leant against his bike with his arms wrapped securely around you. He eventually took you back to his house where you’d left all of your shopping from earlier in the day.

 Bucky poured you both some drinks, trying to make them as fancy as possible while you picked out a record to listen to. You ended up picking out a record that was a mix of artists from the 40s and 50s and soon the living room was filled with the delightful and carefree sounds of swing music. You both enjoyed your drinks for a while, chatting about anything that came to mind before Bucky got up and held out his hand for you to take. You looked up into his bright blue eyes, he looked at you so softly, with such a sweet gaze. “Care to take this dance?” Bucky asked. You took his hand and let him pull you to your feet. You let him guide you into a dance, you had absolutely no idea what you were doing, but you didn’t really need to with Bucky making the movements for you and guiding you into it.

 “It’s funny, all those times I’d walk by your house on my way to work in the mornings, seeing you and Steve outside talking on your bikes, I never thought that you would be so romantic.” You reminisced to the days where you would see Bucky and have a mental battle about how attractive you thought he was but restrained yourself since everyone told you he was so dangerous. “You thought wrong, sweetheart.” Bucky twirled you around, his hand resting on your waist. “I always thought you were cute, you never seemed to look at us the way the others do, always seemed so curious, the little smile you’d always have when you’d see us.” Bucky smirked. “And when you’d sit out on your balcony. I bet you thought you were bein’ real sneaky, but I knew you were watching us from behind your book.” Bucky looked down at you through hooded eyes. “Aw, I thought I was being inconspicuous.” You feign offence, pouting a little at him. “No way doll, can’t fool me.” He chuckled. “I used to sit out on my porch just to watch you back during the summer.” Bucky went on, letting out a little huffed laugh. “Sometimes I’d wonder what it would be like to be with such a sweet, shy looking girl such as yourself.” He combed some of your hair out of the way as he swayed you from side to side. “I had a girlfriend who was a biker chick, through and through. Tough as nails. She was hot, liked a lot of kinky things, she was feisty and fun, but she wasn’t for me.” Bucky shook his head, a smile on his face as he spoke. “She didn’t want to be loved, she’d drop in and out of my life as she pleased without giving a damn. I just wanted someone to love.” Bucky sighed. “Think I found her, though.” He smirked, squeezing you tightly. “I love you.” You gently brushed your fingers across his cheek, reaching to fiddle with a few of his loose strands of hair. “I love you too.” Bucky leaned into your touch, letting you gently pull his hair tie out, carding your hand through his thick, long hair. He almost purred when you tugged on it a little and gently dragged your fingers across his scalp.

 “God, sweetheart, you’ve been driving me crazy all day.” Bucky breathed, his lips pressing gently up against your cheek. “The kiss this morning had me thinkin’ about you all day.” Bucky trailed his kisses down your jawline to the base of your neck. “And Christ, the way you kissed me on the Ferris wheel. Jesus doll, you have me wrapped around your little finger.” He admitted, darting his tongue out against your tender skin, his hot breath against your neck coupled with the soft but passionate kisses had your heart beating like crazy. “Tell me if you want to stop.” Bucky whispered, his hands trailing up your sides and back down again. God were you glad you’d changed into your new lingerie earlier. “Please don’t stop.” You said breathlessly as Bucky gripped your thighs and pulls you up against him, making you wrap your legs around his waist. “How about we take this upstairs?” Bucky asked as you leaned in, hovering your lips close to his, your breath mingling and you locked eyes with him, nodding enthusiastically.

 Bucky carried you upstairs, careful not to trip and taking it slow since you wanted to kiss him so badly on your way up. Bucky gently laid you down on the bed, kissing you with a deep hunger, but still so gentle with you. You hooked your fingers under the hem of his shirt and pulled it slowly, silently asking permission and Bucky let you lift his shirt, taking over and pulling it off fully. His chest was ripped with muscle, you knew he was strong and worked out often, but you didn’t quite expect this level of chiselled muscles. “Holy shit.” You breathed out, running your fingers along his defined abs and up over his pecs. Bucky let out a low, grumbly chuckle in reaction, he didn’t even seem to mind when you traced your fingers along the intense scaring where his metal arm met his skin.

 Bucky tugged at your top and you let him pull it off you, revealing the bright red lacey bra you were wearing underneath. Bucky paused to look at you, his breath hitching a bit as his gaze trailed over you. He reached behind and undid the back of your bra and you let it slowly slide down your arms before it got dropped somewhere on the floor. You watched as Bucky examined you with such adoration in his eyes. “Sweetheart, you are gorgeous.” He murmured, reaching up to cup your breast and kneading it, gently plucking your nipple between his fingers. “Now, I believe you said my metal arm was hot this morning.” His demeanor changed, voiced deep and gruff and laced with lust. “Mind if I use it?” He asks, tilting his head up and looking down at you through hooded eyes, a smirk playing on his lips as his metal fingers brushed your cheek. “Please do.” You say breathlessly and shiver with excitement as he delicately curves a pathway down to your hard nipples, taking one of them between his metal fingers, pinching and rolling it between his forefinger and thumb, a symphony of gasps and little moans slipping out between your lips makes Bucky’s erection twitch and he revels in the delight of making you feel good.

 “I gotta taste you, doll, please?” Bucky practically begged you, not that he needed to ask more than once. You nodded and let him pull your jeans down, leaving you just in your matching red lacey panties. “Did you wear these just for me?” Bucky asks, a smug smile on his lips. “Just for you, Bucky.” You pant as his metal fingers brush over your clothes mound. “I love them.” He chuckles, admiring them for a moment longer before sliding them down your legs. Bucky gently pushes your legs apart and you can feel his hot breath against your aching pussy as he takes you in. “God, you are so beautiful, sweetheart.” He whispers before leaning in and pressing a few soft kisses to your thighs and the edges of your lips. The pool between your legs getting bigger and you can feel the heat intensifying as he teases you. Bucky runs his cool metal fingers through your slit, the sound of your slick makes him smile as you watch him gently circle his finger around your clit. He slowly moves in, hot breath fanning against your clitoris, making you whine impatiently as he drags it out longer before his tongue finally touches you and you gasp at the contact.

 Bucky licks a stripe up your pussy, circling around your clit and giving you copious amounts of attention right on your sensitive bundle of nerves. You moan out as he flicks his velvety tongue around, circling and drawing lazy shapes with it, varying the intensity and movements to see what you seemed to like the most. You let a lengthy moan drag out of your lips as he sucked on your clit, his tongue flicking across it as he does, intensifying the feeling, making you extremely sensitive. You Bucked into him as he used his finger to work your clit for a few moments, making you pant and let out the odd whine. “Gonna make you cum sweetheart.” Bucky whispered before diving back in, eliciting a cry of pleasure, his hand flying up to tease your nipple. His tongue sped up, the movements becoming more intense and you clitoris started to throb, the overload of sensitivity and pleasure building up more and more as your core tightened and Bucky pressed into you a little more, making you gasp and cry out in pleasure, hanging you right on the edge of your orgasm. Bucky swirled his tongue around, increasing the intensity even more and you panted heavily before your orgasm rushed through you and you let out a guttural moan, letting him ride you through the waves of your climax. You shuddered as you came down from your high and shook a little when Bucky passed his tongue over your clitoris one more time.

 “Bucky.” You reach for him, palming at his jeans and Bucky grins down at you, a flustered mess on him bed, panting, legs writhing from the rush of pleasure and you keened for him, for the friction between your legs. Bucky let you fumble with his jeans buttons for a moment before he gently brushed your fingers away and did it for you. You capture Bucky’s lips in a kiss as he slowly pushes his jeans down and steps out of them and you pull away, pushing his boxers down and immediately admiring his length. You hand goes to grip him, his erection twitching at the sudden contact and you hummed a little before leaning in, pumping him a few times. You make eye contact with him as you lap up the drops of precum on his head, Bucky’s eyes rolling back at the sensation of your tongue on him. You take him into your mouth, your tongue circling his head each time you go up, working him every which way as you took his deep, dragging his tip against the roof of your mouth, causing Bucky to let out a low moan before he gently grabs at you and pulls you up. “I wanna feel you around me, sweetheart.” Bucky murmurs, his fingers resting under your chin as he wipes away the excess saliva that glistened on your lower lip. You smile up at him and let Bucky take you into his arms, positioning you on your back.

 Bucky ran the tip of his length up and down your slit for a moment before slowly pushing into your entrance. You gasp at the stretch and Bucky gives you a moment for your muscles to adjust to his size. “Holy shit, doll.” Bucky panted out as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in again. “God, you feel so good.” He whispered. You bucked into him, signalling for him to go faster and Bucky quickly understood, thrusting into you with a bit more speed and force, but not too much, he didn’t want to hurt you. You grabbed at his metal hand and Bucky smiled sweetly down at you as he brushed his metal knuckles along your cheek. Bucky slowly started to speed up his thrusts, letting out deep grunts with each one. The sound of skin slapping against skin along with your laboured breaths were the only sounds filling the room as you gripped his large biceps, squeezing gently as your walls fluttered around him. “God, sweetheart you feel so good.” Bucky groaned out, thrusting a little faster, causing you to cry out in pleasure. He positioned himself to hit your g-spot just right and you whined and moaned when he hit it with each thrust. You gasped with pleasure as each stroke got your closer and closer to an orgasm. “C’mon doll, let go, I’m right behind you sweetheart.” Bucky encouraged you. With a few more thrusts, your orgasm rolled through you and you cried out, panting and gasping, soft moans leaving your lips as Bucky followed, his climax shuddering through him and you felt his muscles clench and then loosen, his arm whirring, the plates shifting erratically as he came and they slowly calmed down as he came down from his orgasm.

 You both got cleaned up before you rested next to each other in bed under the covers, absolutely exhausted from your day. “Sweetheart, that was amazing.” Bucky broke the silence, looking over at you. “You’re amazing.” He added, a smile curving on his lips as he spoke. “You were so good.” You whined out, your clitoris throbbing at the memory of him working you so well. “I’ve never had an orgasm like that.” You admit. “Never?” Bucky sounds astonished at this new information. “I had my first time with my last boyfriend, he was somewhat experienced before we got together, but he never cared much for my pleasure, only his own.” You sighed. Bucky let out a humph and propped himself up on his elbow. “In this relationship, your pleasure is extremely important.” Bucky said seriously, his tone was steady and he looked you in the eyes, honesty apparent in his look. “Your comfort, pleasure and wellbeing are always extremely important, understand sweetheart?” Bucky asked, his voice softened as he spoke, gently tucking some hair behind your ear. You hum and nod at him, smiling at his care for you. Bucky reached in and gently kissed you lips before moving up and kissing your forehead. “Get some sleep, darlin’.” He smiled softly at you, opening his arms for you to cuddle with him and you leant into his embrace, resting your head against his chest. “I love you.” He whispers in your ear. “I love you too.” You smile up at him, feeling him press his lips against your head.

 You slowly drift off to sleep in his protective and calming embrace, feeling utterly relaxed and well cared for. You’d never felt such love from someone before, but it felt so damn good.

___________________________

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[7-oh-ta1]

*hands u a card* this here is called a "tea card" and it allows u to talk shit about ayushiki for a temporary period of time. Go off the shits my dude

*looks at my Discord status* I feel like I've used my quota but... ah well! I am down to vent. GOD I hope you're ready cause I got a lot to say about a particular scene this time.

Basically rn it's just sdfhjkk constantly seeing Ay*shiki all the time and not being able to just vibe with the COPA community cause they always bring it up and I have to leave the convo cause I don't want to always be like "I personally don't like that ship" (meaning I don't want to talk about it) and everyone say "that's okay!" but then continue on about it until another fan joins the convo to pep talk Yoshiki and eventually the original topic is gone and I'm just. sittin there. I feel like not liking a popular ship shouldn't exclude you from a fandom?? but the rift is always there.

As for the ship itself, l o o k everybody b knowing how I feel about it so I don't want to like say the same things over and over.... BUT. Obsession =/= Love.

Instead of "UwU Yoshiki deserved better" can we talk about how Ayumi deserves better? Why are we blaming the woman here? Because she legitimately doesn't like him romantically so SHE'S the bad guy? Hm.

When I was in junior high "I WOULD DIE 4 U WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME" was romantic but UH if you don't see anything wrong with that sentence as an adult what the fuck. It's emotional manipulation and I hate it. People don't understand that I KNOW men like that irl and the last thing you want is for one of them to be your "knight". They're obsessive. They're creepy. A man who bows to your every single whim sees you as a prize to be won, something to lure in and keep forever, while simultaneously trying to control you by yelling, "but I saved you!! you should be grateful and kiss me!!" DOES ANYONE ELSE FIND THAT INCREDIBLY DISTURBING. I've been around toxic people an ex-best friend of mine is an emotional manipulator and that's the shit he said.

"If you don't love me, I'll die."

"Just shut up and listen to me."

"Don't poke the bear."

"How can you talk to me like that after everything I've done for you?"

Like when men puff out their chest and hold up their shoulders and yell, just to scare you and shut you up. Yoshiki did that to Ayumi. And that shit doesn't fly with me. Bet Ay*Shiki shippers ignore the scene or blame the situation on Ayumi because Yoshiki can never do anything wrong or take responsibility for his actions cause they all relate to him too hard and don't want to be held accountable for their own actions irl and he's simply just too precious UwU

You know the scene at the entranceway, the one where Ayumi calls Yoshiki names? YEAH. That one. She gets angry with him for implying that he was going to leave without finding Ms. Yui and the others first, and after lecturing him he gets mad back, and then she calls him names.

L I S T E N TO ME. Ayumi is FOUR ELEVEN AND HAS THE WAIST OF A TOOTHPICK. When you're physically small like that, WORDS are your WEAPON. Ayumi and Yoshiki were in the same friend group yes, and she trusts him due to that, but he's not super friendly or her close friend AT ALL. He's BIGGER THAN HER. I was 4'11 for a large part of my junior high years before my growth spurt. When you're tiny like that, and a larger man is yelling at you, YOU GET DEFENSIVE. YOU YELL BACK. HAVE YOU EVER FOUGHT A MAN IRL PEOPLE, THEY GET PHYSICAL FAST AND YOU HAVE TO CUT THEIR EGO BEFORE THEY HIT YOU. Would Yoshiki ever hit Ayumi? NO. NEVER. But Ayumi doesn't KNOW that. She knows he's a bratty delinquent that's always staring at her. WHY would she think otherwise?! I've been in her position I KNOW how she was feeling. She had to defend herself, in her mind.

So how does Yoshiki take being called names?? Not well!! In fact, HE LASHES OUT MORE AND SCARES HER INTO SHRINKING BACK AND SHUTTING UP. Only when she's quiet like he wants her to be does he stop yelling in her face. Hm. goals. I'd tap that. We love men physically intimidating women into silence. It's romantic, even. (She also sneaks in a quiet snide remark to have the last word and I Love That)

Not to mention how aggressive the shippers are. I don't mind toxic ships or try to police people. I really don't care/mind people enjoying the ship and character because if you like it than that's amazing for you and you should enjoy it to it's full extent! Gush, draw fanart, write fanfics, do what makes your heart sing!

But I don't have to like it. I don't have to respond positively to it. Surprisingly, I can also talk about how much I don't like it. I know, it's a shocker, but I can express my distaste whenever I want to. If I talked as much shit on Yoshiki as they do Morishige or Misuto I'd be banned. Like I don't have the right too.

I can literally criticize him AND the ship all I want, he's not a real person, I'm not putting anyone down. Why the hell is me criticizing a character so personally offensive to them fr? The more they act self righteous and try to shit on me where they think I can't see but act nice to my face, and straight up lie about me, the less I like the ship and the character. Like. They just show me everything that is wrong with them and their ship. Their representation of how toxic the ship can be through how defensive they it is on point tho. Can't complain there. I won't lie when I see something small like my status send someone into a rage "yOU Can'T dIsLiKe mY ShIP" I smile like "yep... show how insecure you are by vaguing and only talking to people who agree with you. it's adorable how easy it is to set you off."

If you're one of those people reading this, spread this amongst yourselves to get pissed at it and my point is proven. :) This post is general about my most recent run ins, not anyone in particular, but if you think this is about you and get mad well.... if the shoe fits? Wear It.

[thegoodomensdumpster]

I don’t have a tumblr, but I do read good omens fic on A03 and links to art and fic here. If you don’t mind posting this: is it okay to comment on old fic? What about popular fic? It’s not like I’m bringing anything new to the table they haven’t heard. Some great fic has 0. Why is everyone ignoring it? I’m worried there’s something I’m not getting, like it’s a homophobe or racist or something and we should be ignoring that person and I’ll be linked if I comment. Thank you - sandstone kitty A03

Yep, it is ok to comment on old fic or fics that have very few notes, or fics that have a lot of notes. There’s a good chance the author will be thrilled. I’ve read blog articles about people who got motivated on finishing an old fic after receiving a comment several years after they had stopped writing it. Popular authors can’t always reply to all their comments, but I’m pretty sure most of them read every single one of the comments they get and absolutely cherish them. You never know how your comments will get received, but as far as I know fic authors basically live off their comments and positive feedback, so you shouldn’t hesitate. And if, by any chance, your comment annoys the author instead of making them happy... welp. You aren’t really to blame, you tried to share that their work made you happy in return for the happiness it brought you, and sometimes people are grouch. Now for the second part, worrying that you might not know if there is an underlying reason for there not being any comment or for the work being abandonned... 

Frankly, you can’t live in fear of giving positive feedback to someone awful if their work made you genuinely happy at some point before learning they were awful. Because you’re never gonna give any feedback or consume anything with sheer joy if you live with these kinds of restraints.

With the amount of media we consume everyday, and in case of fics, the amount we can be led to read, statistically, yes, we WILL enjoy things made by horrible people. That’s just it. Now, is that a good enough reason not to comment? Certainly not.

Encouraging fic authors and artists is very important for them, and therefore for creation in general, and it’s not because there are a few bad seeds in the pack that you should think about them specifically before giving praise. You cannot know who is the person at the other end of the compliment. You’re not omniscient, you don’t bear any responsibility to who they are and how they act.My advice would be: don’t idolize anyone, EVER. Remember that we’re all humans, that we all make mistakes and are all problematic to some extent, and also that we can change and improve as persons. And if, after giving praise to someone, you discover that they did something you find unethical... Well. That’s on them. Not on you. You were genuinely happy thanks to their work, you let them know about it, then you learned you don’t actually want to support them, so just... stop supporting them at that point. It’s already complicated to find nice things to enjoy freely, so don’t give yourself yet another barrier. Deal with this sort of things as they happen.At the very least that’s what I do.You could conduct an investigation on every fic author before consumming their content, but let’s be real: nobody has that kind of time or energy and that would very much kill the fun of fic reading. I didn’t understand the part about you being “linked”, I’m guessing based on the context that you’re worried you’ll end up in fandom bad books for liking someone who might be ostracized for a good reason ? Uh, well, I guess my internet experience is too distant and healthy for me to have this kind of considerations. I know my blog is big as of now in the GO fandom, but I’ve never been involved into fandoms that much before, and even here I’m still mostly just... reblogging things that I like, and very occasionnally producing content myself, and sometimes talking to other peeps in the fandom. But I’m not, like. Keeping tracks of the dramas and stuff like that, or helping them spread. I actually very deliberately chose to use this Tumblr and GO as my escapism, so I’m staying as far away from anything remotely negative over here. I don’t really know what to tell you. Because as I said, in the time of the internet where we all get to have parts of ourselves and our interests on public display, people will see when we make mistakes. Once again, not IF we make mistakes, but WHEN we make them. So I just live by those premisses, and when time comes for me to explain myself or to be told I was wrong about something, I won’t be surprised and I will react accordingly. And if I get cancelled for some reason, it won’t affect me irl, so... eh, I’ll just lose this blog and some of my online work, I guess. It’ll suck, but I’ll live. And that’s pretty much it.If you’re afraid of being harassed or things like that, then again, it’s a fear you shouldn’t go inflicting on yourself. It will spoil things you enjoy, and if it ever happens, even if it is the result of a bad thing or a mistake you made, the blame will be on the harassers for harassing you. And though it is a terrible thing that happens from time to time, it makes me feel a bit like it shouldn’t be something - especially for a person who isn’t mediatised or popular in any way - to worry about unless it happens. Cause if you start carrying this kind of fears of terrible things happening and it prevents you from enjoying your time on Earth, you’re just... never gonna have a good time. So, just, be careful about how you phrase the things you write online, show on your social platforms what kind of person you are and what ethics you care about, or make yourself an alias not linked to you in any way to comment on fics if you’re really that scared, be ready to apologize if needed, and show the same kind of empathy / sympathy you’d like to receive. Help make the internet a better, more benevolent place.