#do you drink smirnoff ice at a bar

[lightgaswaterelectricityrent]

I need to get into some new kind of alcohol. mead or something

[sunny6677]

So just the different storylines in Spooky Month for the Eddsworld x Spooky Month AU–for future reference and future rambles./lh

None if them are really taking care of the kids or following them around in the first episode since they literally just showed up, but Edd encounters them and gets infected with their Spooky Month thing so he follows them around all Month just celebrating the holiday—and Tord (who was hunting he and his friends down already) gets his ass kicked by Lila, and is forced to behave from now on unless he wants to get arrested, considering Tord ends up losing his weapon to something beforehand and is basically powerless now.

During The Stars, Matt runs into the kid while he's getting ice cream from Franks van or at least trying to, so he follows the kids around the whole time after—but even he somehow falls for the spooky party on the hill thing, and is ready to defend the kids when you know who shows up, but is dragged down by Eyes and blah blah blah you know the rest. The boys live with Lila for now though, so Tord and Tom helped Lila with the robbers while Edd appears at the end waiting outside with Lila. He spooky dances with her and the kids too./lh

In Unwanted Guest—Matt runs into the kids outside and decides to follow them around again. Tom is out drinking, while Edd and Tord are with Lila the entire time. Due to Matt's presence, the kids aren't beaten up by Roy as badly—but still hurt anyway. When Lila gets chased by Moloch, Edd is the first to notice and tries helping but ends up getting himself hurt instead. Tord walks in and tries shooting a tit, but it's very fast and he's having trouble. The thing only dies when the kids tell him to snap his neck, while Matt is fainted from seeing the demon. This is also the point where Tord begins to like the kids because of course it is./lh

During Deadly Smiles, the kids are still at Pumps house. But Edd ends up coming over shortly after Lila drops them off just to hang out with the kids cuz why not. He either doesn't notice or just let's the kids go out when they decide to watch a movie, but either way he's chilling at Pumps house the whole time. Tom runs into them outside though and follows them around from there—this is also most likely where he starts to beef with Roy lmao. Edd already has beef with Susie. Matt is out doing his own chaotic shenanigans during this episode and possibly has a small run in with the kids at some point. While Tord is just busy with something that totally isn't suspicious. I think none of them would be present for the final conflict, but I could see one of them walking in like last second./lh

Tender Treats—Edd and Tord are accompanying the kids while they trick or treat, with Tord being aware of Bob's presence and always managing to turn him off their trail (they're found by him later anyway—but it turns into a full on fight between Tord and Bob cuz of that). Tom intends to stay home, but helps Lila and Jaune search for the kids after Bob's attack—while Matt ends up being taken by the police and basically interrogated because he apparently might know where Bob is. (So Matt is also there for the final conflict). Either that or it's reversed but I think it works either way. Tom goes off to drink smirnoff after the whole thing, Edd goes to sit on the couch while Matt is passed out. Edd does notice when Lila seems worried though and asks if she's okay.

During Hollow Sorrows, I think it'd be a little more in character of Tom to go for the bar option than caring for the kids, so he returns drunk as hell toward the end with Lila (and tells Gregor his face is an irresponsible mother/lh). Edd is the one following them around, Matt is having his own beef plotline with Evermore and is actively trying to ruin something he's doing, while Tord is being questioned by the police again and is with them while they wait for Patty.

@mayisgoingnuts

[themollyzone]

martini time

When I was in my early 20s — I want to say I was 23 — my friend and I decided we needed to officially try martinis to determine whether we liked them. It seemed like it was Time. We were young women in the big city and we needed a big city drink to match our energy.

My collegiate drinking career was of course not very classy: cheap beer, screwdrivers, indeterminate liquors from plastic handles mixed with various soft drinks in large bottles, ready to be smuggled into comedy shows and a capella recitals to make them marginally more interesting. The booze was meant to be inexpensive and portable and very potent. Senior year I tried to elevate my taste after I binged several seasons of Mad Men but I didn't have patience for anything requiring lots of technique or ingredients or equipment, so my drink of choice was a Manhattan....a Jameson Manhattan....which I now realize Irish whiskey is not a mixologist's first choice for a Manhattan....whatever, it was more chic than Four Loko!

Anyway — New York Fuckin City, 2013ish — time to take things to the next level. We planned a night to go out and try our first official martinis, doing cursory research ("best martini in manhattan") and landing at a place called Gin Palace that is now, like most places from my past in New York, closed. The photos of Gin Palace suggested class, sophistication, leather, brass, mirrors. We entered and they were blasting pop hits of the day at colossal volume. I was expecting jazz! Shrugging, we entered and placed our order at the bar. If I recall correctly, I believe we asked for "whatever the most normal version of a martini is" so surely we got a gin martini, up, with olives.

The main seating we were faced with was a sort of bleacher-style behemoth. Imagine us girls, dressed nicely, with these sloshingly full martini glasses in our hands, now faced with the task of climbing up to our seats. Somehow we did it. The next lesson we learned was that you really do need to drink a martini quickly in order to get the most out of it before the returns start to diminish. Here is Blur bassist Alex James on martinis:

"When you've lost all your friends in New York, it's time to have a dry martini. The New York dry martini is a bit of Western voodoo. It's the ultimate cocktail. Administered correctly, it parts the clouds of fear and the brilliant sunshine of resolve floods the darkest corners of the mind...a good martini is a pure concentrated triumph of minimalism."

He's right, though we didn't know it yet. But I do remember it did the job. It tasted very interesting in a way that I knew I wanted to pursue further. I could feel my past self, tanked on way too many Captain-Morgan-and-Pepsis, or else half a magnum of Barefoot Moscato so sweet it could attract bugs, melting away into oblivion. (She's not completely gone of course; I will always be a sucker for a novelty cocktail or tinned bev, and have been still deploying the classic prank Smirnoff Ices for sport in the year of our lord 2022.)

The martini was a real magic trick, and the prediction we had about it came true: it cured us, it matured us. You know in a movie where an explosion goes off and the sound goes all wonky and underwater, like a quantum energy tsunami has whooshed over everything and it makes everyone's ears ring? Martinis are like that, but in a good way. Anti-stress, pro-social. The perfect cocktail.

We drank and yelled over the music until the last sips of the martini were kind of warm. Drake was blasting on the speakers and we both watched as a young woman next to us administered one of the most consistent, lengthy and enthusiastic lap dances to her male companion that I've ever witness in my entire life. She was bouncing up and down like her life depended upon it and her quadriceps were made of titanium. That's the thing about a martini night in NYC — the martini might be the only 'elevated' thing you experience in said night, but what else do you need?

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ starting prompt: “for how long? for how long were you bottling this up?”

♡ pairing: kirby dach (chicago blackhawks) x fem reader

♡ lyric inspiration: “I used to hear a simple song. that was until you came along. now in its place I hear something new. I hear it when I look at you.”

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes

you sat at your computer, typing away at work you had to get done for an internship. it was work you were putting off for a while now and you had to finally bite down and get it done. 

“hey, what are you doing right now?” your friend Aniya asked as you picked up the third frantic phone call from her, “work I need to get done for school. what do you need from me that you’re calling me for the third time?” you asked a bit annoyed. 

she rolled her eyes from the other side of the phone, “listen, I know you’ve been having issues with him so I want you to come out with us tonight,” she exclaimed, “I don’t care if you’re overwhelmed with work or not. you need to get over this slump and realize there’s more to you than Kirby fuckin’ Dach right now.” 

you slid down your chair, growling in response, “I don’t wanna and if I don’t want too, you can’t make me,” you tried to fight back which only earned a laugh in return, “yeah right! see you tonight at nine! we’re going to be at Falco’s so see you there!” she blurted out before hanging up the phone. 

you looked down at the clock, seeing that it read five in the afternoon. you had been in the coffee shop for a little over three hours and while the first hour and a half was spent with you just procrastinating, the remaining time was you actually working and getting most of it done.

however! 

looking at the time, you realized you might as well get up and leave before it got any later. you knew you had time to go out with your friends but you recent fall out with Kirby made it almost nearly impossible to do as such.  

the fallout was one you saw coming for a while now. 

between your schooling and interning and Kirby’s career, the time you had with each other was rare. you tried to make time for him, you really did, but Kirby ultimately put down the times you asked to hang out with him. he usually said it was because he was hanging with a few teammates and while that was true, you had also saw a few of his girl friends with him. 

you weren’t a jealous girl, not by a long shot but it was hard to see your boyfriend with a bunch of girls hanging out and not inviting you. you tried to remain calm about the situation but eventually, it got too into your head and you confronted him about it. 

+

“you know what Kirby?” you whispered to him, not looking at him anymore, “I’m tired. I don’t know you anymore and you could care less about me. how about I do us both a favor and just end this now?” 

Kirby’s eyes widened at what he was hearing. 

“I never said I cared less about you!” 

“it feels like it, Dach! all I ask for you is hang out with me when you have the time and be around when you can but the last three times I asked to hang out and get dinner, you’ve denied me saying you were going to be with ‘the boys’ and then what do I see? you with Boqvist and a bunch of other girls! hanging out and having a good time. do you know how much that hurts? seeing your boyfriend surrounded by a bunch of girls and not even giving you the time of day anymore?

Kirby looked at the ground, knowing what you were saying was true, “how long? how long were you bottling this up?” he finally asked. 

“too long, I guess but like I said before, let me do us a favor and break it off here. I love you, I really do but I’m tired of not being prioritized. I’m tired of coming second, third, and fourth place in your life. I’m tired of having to beg for the attention of my damn boyfriend at this point,” you tried to contain your tears but couldn’t, “I knew our lives were very different from the very moment we meant but I never thought we’d end for a reason like this. maybe Aniyah had a point....maybe our lives are too different from each other and that this wouldn’t work out.

you grabbed your bag, slinging it over you and your wallet that was on his table. you could see the panic in his eyes as he tried to say make up something to say but failing to do so. 

“so you’re ending it then?” Kirby asked from the door of his apartment. you gave him a teary eyed look, “I don’t want too but you’re making it hard to be with you so yeah, I guess I am.” 

you grabbed your CTA card from your wallet and opening the door of his apartment building to catch the nearest CTA train home. Kirby hated when you rode the train so late but you weren’t about to give him the benefit of driving you back home. 

throughout the entire train ride home, you had gotten a dozen texts from Kirby, asking you if you were safe and to at least text him when you got home but after what felt like the 100th text, you blocked his number, his Snap, and any socials he had left. 

it even got to the point where Adam had to message you to ask if you were okay. you knew that he would go back and text Kirby so you didn’t bother to reply to his text either. 

+

once you got home, you slumped your backpack onto the couch and ate leftovers you had from yesterday. you were in no mood to cook and you knew since Aniyah was expecting you to meet her at Falco’s, your time had to go to getting ready. 

the food felt bland in your mouth as you tried to hype yourself up for the outting. it would have been a lot better if Kirby was going with you but putting that thought aside, you threw the rest of the food away and went to your bathroom to start getting ready. 

you figured since Falco’s wasn’t really a hugely popular bar in Chicago, the idea that anyone cute would be there went out the window. the only ones who knew of Falco was you, Aniyah, and Kirby who you had brought with you a few times. 

the makeup you applied was very light and the outfit was on the simpler side. since you weren’t trying to get anyone’s attention, flying under the radar in terms of looks, you knew doing the bare minimum would do the trick. 

by the time you finished getting ready, it was already 8:30 and Falco’s was on the other side of town. you caught the last train to the other end of town and walked the rest of way there. when you finally arrived, you saw the place a bit more packed than usual. 

“( your name )! over here!” you heard Aniyah’s scream from a table. you gave them a wave and a small smile before sliding into the booth, “these are my friends! Michael and Trey!” she introduced you. 

you shook their hands and introduced yourself to them as all of you ordered a few round of drinks. since Kirby was only 20, whenever you invited him out to bars or the like, he tended to be the one to carry you back home when you got a bit too drunk. 

“so, where do you go to school?” Michael asked, as he took a sip of his drink, “oh, I go to a smaller school here in Chicago,” you replied. he nodded understandingly, “oh shit,” you heard Aniyah’s voice say from underneath her breath. 

you gave her a look as she pointed at who walked in. you followed her finger and were immediately taken back when you saw it was not only Kirby but Adam, Alex, Dylan, and his girlfriend as well. 

“we’ll be back in one second,” Aniyah told Michael and Trey before dragging you away to the single stall bathrooms, “girl, I had no idea they would be here. you know I would never do this to you,” she said frantically, “I swear, they just had to show up, didn’t they?”

“Aniyah, it’s okay. I just wish I would have dressed a bit better considering he’s here,” you murmured under your breath. Aniyah smirked, seeing your outfit, “well, just take off the jacket, the shirt your wearing is already doing you justice by being a crop and the shorts look amazing on you as it is,” she said snatching the jacket off of you.

the two of you spent a bit more time in the bathroom, restyling your outfit a bit more before walking out. you made a beeline to the bar, ordering all four of you shots of tequila. 

“he’s looking at you, you know?” Aniyah murmured as you shrugged, “serves him right,” you replied before giving Michael a smile and look at the three of them, “bottoms up!” you exclaimed before taking the shot and chugging it down with ease. 

all of you cheered at Michael called for another round of shots to the table but before they could get there, Dylan’s girlfriend came up to the table and gave you a hug. 

“hi, how have you been?” she asked as she let you go, “fine! just getting a few drinks with some friends! how are you?” you asked as hesitantly as possible. you knew she meant no harm but whenever the four hung out with each other, it was rare when she tagged and only did if you were coming along. 

“ah, fine. just here with Dylan and a few of the boys. I know with you and Kirby, it must be a bit awkward, huh?” she said a bit awkwardly. you gave her a small smile, “I guess but I gotta go before they start thinking I left them. I’m a few tables over so if you want to take a shot with us, come by!” you said giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving. 

Aniyah gave you a look, quickly telling you to spill but you shot it down as all of your shots were brought to the table. 

throughout the night, you got progressively more drunk. the tequila shots were hitting a bit harder than you thought and before you knew it, any shy bone in your body quickly went away when the sixth shot entered your body. Aniyah knew that your drunk persona was not who you were sober. 

“does she really get this way when she’s drunk?” Michael asked, seeing you singing into the half full bottle of Smirnoff Ice. Aniyah laughed, “she does! trust me, one time she got onto a table at a friendsgiving dinner and sang every word to Girls in The Hood without messing up.” 

the three of them laughed as you grabbed another shot and chugged it down, “oh my god I love this song!” you told Aniyah as you grabbed her by the hand and shook her, “I’m gonna go see if Tayler is available!” you exclaimed as you jumped over Michael to get to where Dylan’s girlfriend was. 

Aniyah immediately got up and chased you to the table but was too late. you were already grabbing her by the hand and dragging her up, “oh my god, you’re plastered,” she giggled, seeing the drunk in your eyes, “I haven’t seen her this drunk since your birthday!” Dylan added on. 

Aniyah got to the table and grabbed you by the hand, “Michael bought everyone a shot, we should go and take it together,” Aniyah murmured in your ear. you shrugged, “tell him to wait a second, I’m talking to her!” you responded as Tayler laughed, enjoying your new found confidence. 

“god, I haven’t seen you this plastered since you know when,” Aniyah growled, giving Kirby a side eye. all he did was watch the table you were sitting at and seeing the boy named Michael giving you look of what he saw as lust, “aww, hi Dylan! hi Adam and Alex!” you said excitedly. 

they gave you waves as they tried to not look in Kirby’s direction. you hadn’t spared him a look as you saw Michael heading over your way, “hey, you guys coming? Trey wants to know if you’re heading back to his place to continue drinking.”

you had never heard silence this loud. although everyone in the bar was still talking and drinking, the air immediately turned stiff. Michael had his arm around your shoulder, “uh, yeah? one second!” Aniyah said seeing as you weren’t even in the right headspace to be going anywhere. 

“she can’t. she’s heading home,” Kirby finally spoke up. Aniyah, Michael, and everyone else looked to see Kirby’s dead serious face, “I think I might’ve missed something. who are you?” Michael asked looking to Kirby. 

Aniyah and Tayler saw the rage building up in Kirby’s eyes, “her boyfriend, can I ask who you are?” he replied, not taking his eyes off of him. Michael laughed, “her supposed date. I thought she was single,” he said with a smirk that ticked Kirby off more than it should have. 

“sorry, you aren’t. she’s too drunk to be going anywhere that isn’t her house so how about you get moving before this turns into something you don’t want coming.” 

Michael laughed, putting his hands on the table, “or you’re gonna do what?” Kirby rolled the sleeves of his button up up making Adam and Dylan start to get nervous, “playing professional hockey has its perks,” he replied. 

“no, what you’re not going to do is create a scene in this bar. Kirby, you’re a professional. if you want, you can take her home if you’d like but you’re not getting into trouble for something marginally stupid as an argument.” 

Aniyah gave Kirby a look before motioning to Trey to come and get Michael before he did anything stupid. you on the other hand were too busy sitting next to Adam and singing whatever song was playing through the speakers to realize what was going on. 

“come on, lets get you home,” Kirby murmured into your ear. you gave Kirby a confused, “no! you’re not my boyfriend anymore so I go where Aniyah goes!” you said through slurred words.

“I don’t want to seem like a dick but you got to go home and you’re going home right now. you’re too drunk to understand anything or anyone.” 

you didn’t bother to fight as you felt an overwhelming feeling of tiredness hit you. you usually got like that when you got drunk. 

after Aniyah gave Kirby your bag with your house keys, he hitched a ride from Dylan to get back to your place. they could all sense the anger in Kirby as he was still sitting on the argument. it was pretty wild to see Kirby so angry but when it came to you, they knew he would do anything for you. 

he thanked Dylan for the ride as he grabbed your arm and slung it over his should, carrying you inside. the trip to your apartment was struggle as you kept talking gibberish to yourself and making Kirby laugh. 

as soon as he got your door open, he took off your shoes and place you in bed, making sure you were at least comfortable enough to fall asleep. by the time he had placed you in bed, you were snoring your life away against the pillow. 

Kirby knew it was best to sleep on the couch to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself if you were still drunk when you got up. he grabbed the small throw pillow and a blanket you kept underneath the couch and tried to get comfortable as possible. 

-

it hit five in the morning when Kirby heard throwing up sounds from the bathroom. he slowly got up from bed and saw you hunched over the toilet bowl. 

“you okay?” he finally spoke up, making you jump in fear. you gave him an angry look, “what the hell are you doing here?” you asked, confused as to why he was here. 

“I had to take you home from Falco’s. you were extremely drunk and were about to do something you were probably going to regret the minute Aniyah left you so she gave me the keys to your house and let me watch over you until you got up.” 

you sighed, “where is Aniyah?” you asked. “home. she had to calm down the guys she brought because he was trying to cause a scene inside the bar and told me just to take you home before any news of me getting into a fight broke out into the news,” he explained. 

you leaned up against the wall, giving him a defeating look, “what do you want with me, Kirby? I appreciate you taking care of me but what do you want as a return?” you replied. 

Kirby kneeled onto one knee and looked at you, “to give me a second chance. I know I fucked up. I fucked up so bad but these last few weeks have been hell. I miss you calling me after every game and having dinner through a facetime call. I miss your voice first thing in the morning. I just want you to give me one more chance and if I fuck up, you’ll never have to hear from me again. I swear!” he said, almost pleadingly. 

you stared at Kirby, trying to see if he was being truthful. you could tell behind the eyes of desperation, he was telling the truth. 

“one more chance and if you ruin it, we’re done.” Kirby went in to kiss you as you immediately dodged it, “first of all, I need to brush my teeth and you won’t be kissing me at least for another few days. you could suffer some more,” you joked, giving him a wink.

he growled playfully and watched as you brushed your teeth, “but you can snuggle me while I sleep off this hangover,” you said as he happily followed you back into bed. 

[electricxmayhem]

For the ask game! 4, 38, 48 <3

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

loch ness monster nessie i know you’re out there baby

38. a soap bar that smells good?

i pretty much always buy plain soap bars but i like lavender scented soap too

48. when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

see this one i think has some technicalities because i would say i didn’t have a drink until my school graduation when i was the ripe legal age of 18 (and it was smirnoff ice 💀) but does it count that i started sipping communion wine in church from the age of 12? does it count that one time my dad let me sip guinness and spit it out in the sink when i was 11? much to consider

[stripper-patrick]

I like the barbies💓, but I want the Bratz😈Steve Rogers

Warnings: language, fluff, smut, dom!Steve, choking, degradation, oral (m), angst, angry!Steve, fingering, fluff, crying, slight sub!Steve

Tags: @rebellious-desires @mrsbanreswillseeyou @eclecticblkgirl

Relationship: Steve Rogers x black plus sized reader

Steve called a mandatory meeting but I’m not sure for what and I’m interested to see what he’s gonna say.

“Y/N” Scott calls and I turn around meeting him.

“Hey Scott”

“You look beautiful today” I can tell he likes me but usually I don’t pay attention because I’m so busy with work. See I work as a nurse but strictly for the avengers team. I interned for Stark and he hired me after a month seeing how good I work under pressure. Then that’s when I met Steve. They brought him to me when he was fresh out of the ice to which I took care of him as well as catching him up on the 66 years of history he had missed. He took a liking towards me and soon we started our best friendship which turned into a sexual relationship. I’d enjoy more but I don’t wanna ruin what we have so l handle this for now.

Me and Scott walk and talk together to the conference room where he opens the door for me “oh my god I’m so tired of wearing scrubs really I’d prefer to be in a big t-shirt and nothing else” I laugh. I notice I’ve caught Steve’s attention by that sentence. His blue eyes study my features of a short t-shirt dress and my silk-pressed ashy brown hair flowing gloriously on my shoulders with each step I take.

“Well I’m sure a lot of male patients would be very aroused by how good you’d look in either attire I know I would” I blush laughing and I catch a Steve’s eyes. The once ice blue orbs now turned into electric with what looks like lust and anger. Steve always was possessive but seeing as we aren’t together you’d think he’d let little things like this slide. But we’re both wrong.

Everyone piles in at once and we all sit down waiting for what Steve has to say. “For starters I’d like to thank everyone for coming to the meeting and as we know there’s a special event tonight the ultimate Christmas party Tony famously hosts every year but we don’t want it to be like the last time where we we’re attacked by robots which is something I never thought I’d said in my 99 years of life” he chuckles “let’s remember to have fun but keep the compound secure and safe as well”

“That was all you called us for?” Scott asks. He had a tendency to get under Steve’s skin often bringing up his past and on one occasion he even mentioned our extraordinary 74 year ago gap and Steve nearly put him in a full Nelson.

“It is is there a problem?” I can see Steve is boiling but I don’t know why

“No problem at all captain” he chuckles

“Good everyone’s dismissed” he calls “except for Y/N” my heart starts beating faster and I watch everyone leave. I avoid eye contact with Steve but the second I catch him (gif), I feel my wetness start to collect between my thighs. The door is shut and I stand up walking towards him. I do a half sit on the table as he strides towards me placing his hands on either sides of my hips coming about eye level to me. The smell of his mint toothpaste and Armani cologne is breathtaking.

“I don’t like how he talks to you or even looks at you”

“Who Scott? We’re just friends”

“He wants you Y/N and I’m sure he has a sense that something is going on between us so if he could he’d taste you right in front of me” Steve parts my legs stepping between them

“Nonsense Steve it’s not even like that. You’re just being over-protective and jealous. For what? I don’t know”

“Because you’re mine” his hand slides between my thighs as his calloused finger rubs my wet clit before sliding between my folds. My upper body slouches down as I push my hands behind me on the table to keep my balance. My eyes shut and I bite my lip holding back a moan.

“How can that be the case yet we’re not together?” I ask

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t mine” he says sliding a finger in. My body opens up to him. I’m feeling so many different emotions. Mad, sexually frustrated, horny, appalled. I don’t know what to do. He continues pumping slowly to torture me. My body shakes and he holds up my chin forcing me to look into his eyes. Steve curls his fingers making my body jolt. He moves his hand in a quick all-of-a-sudden pace slamming on my g-spot. My body rocks and my moans get louder. Steve covers my mouth “be a good girl for me and cum on my hand princess” my legs shake and next thing I know I’m convulsing against him trying to press my thighs together. My back arches as he pumps me dry. Once I come to my sense I watch Steve lick his fingers with a smirk.

“If you want me to officially” I stand up slowly watching him take a step back “you know what to do” I walk out going straight to my room. I take a deep breath as my wobbly legs force me to sit on the nearby chair. I’ve gotta start getting ready for this party. I bring myself together walking to the shower turning it on hot.

.....

I’m all dressed and ready for the party and I hear a bunch of people downstairs and the slow jazz music awaiting. I take one last look on the mirror at my outfit which is white mid rise bell bottoms, a double breasted blazer and a lace white bra that exposes the breast tattoo Steve likes so much. I grab my bedazzled clear heels sliding them on before heading downstairs. I stand at the top of the steps just grabbing some alone time before I merge with the crowd. A body slides next to me and I think it’s Steve until I meet eyes with someone else. Scott.

“Oh my god Y/N you look incredible” I smile thanking him keeping my eyes on the crowd “Jesus if I were Steve I wouldn’t let you walk out like that” I chuckle

“Scott I do what I want relationship or not”

“Speaking of what’s going between you and the crypt keeper” he takes a sip of his drink and I feel eyes burning into me. I look down seeing Steve staring right back at me. Sharon is staring at him like she hasn’t eaten in days and I feel my blood boil. He excuses himself and I watch him walk towards the steps.

“Nothing we’re just friends and coworkers”

“Hmm” he hums in disapproval. Steve meets us at the top with a fake smile on his face.

“Excuse me Scott I’d like to borrow Y/N for a minute” he grabs my arm whisking me away without even allowing Scott to comply.

Steve takes me to a dimly lit hallway and I yank my arm away “have you lost your damn mind” by this point I’m pissed. I get that Steve has attachment issues but that doesn’t mean he can control who I talk to let alone get mad that another guy is giving me attention when all he does is work and fuck me.

“Maybe. What the hell are you doing after I told you Scott is trying to get what’s mine”

“Steven how the fuck can I be yours and we’re not dating. And you know why we aren’t dating because you’re still strung up on Sharon who just so happened to be undressing you mentally”

“She was not” he scoffs. I squint my eyes in anger “It’s obvious Scott only wants to fuck you”

“And what the fuck do you actually get to do. Fuck me that’s it. You don’t know how bad I actually wanna be with you but the only thing we can do is fuck so don’t say shit about anyone else’s place when you’re actually participating in the act just using the same mindset” I storm away from him and walk downstairs mixing myself in the crowd.

“Y/N you look great” Pepper says “woah what’s wrong”

“Nothing I’m fine” I say. She knows me better than anyone else and she grabs my hand. She excuses herself from Tony and we head to the bathroom.

“Talk to me” a tear slips and I wipe it careful not to mess up my makeup. I explain to her what happened and she shakes her head

“Men are so stupid” she hugs me making me laugh. She helps me fix my makeup and it doesn’t look too bad. Pepper walks out with me our locked together and we go straight to the bar “4 vodka shots please”

The bartender grabs the Smirnoff bottle pouring the liquor into the small glasses setting them in front of us. She hands me 2 and I grab one glass tipping my head back letting the liquid glide down my throat leaving a fiery trail. My face scrunches up and the DJ spins the record stopping the smooth jazz.

I watch as Tony gets on the mic “I feel like we need to amp this party up some more” the crowd agrees as the DJ turns the music up putting on Meg Thee Stallion’s song Freak Nasty.

I take my second shot grabbing a lime to chase the liquor and replace the fiery taste in my mouth. My chest burns as the liquid courage smoothes down singeing my sternum.

I feel myself migrate to the dance floor rocking to the beat of the music. I bend over shaking my ass and I feel a body slide behind me. I’m not sure who it is but the guys hands slide around my waist keeping me close. “Damn baby can I take you home” before I’m able to pull whoever this is off of me Steve grabs him.

“Get your fucking hands off my girl” I watch Steve pull the guy away and he grabs my arm pulling me upstairs to his bedroom. I can tell he’s livid.

“Y/N what the fuck”

“I didn’t even know it wasn’t you” I say nonchalantly standing up “and again I don’t see why you’re mad we aren’t even-“ he cuts me off with a kiss and a hand pressed to my throat. Steve is quick to lay me on the bed still holding me in his powerful kiss. Steve pulls off my jacket moving his lips to my neck and breasts. I bite my lip holding back a moan. His hands slip into my pants undoing them and my legs fall open for him. I feel his erection against my thigh as he rubs my wet swollen clit begging for attention.

“Don’t stop” instead Steve does the opposite and stands up. I pull off my pants and soaked black thong. Steve undresses his bottom half and grabs my legs pulling me to the end of the bed. He taps his dick on my clit making me writhed before he finally pushes himself in me.

I grab his arm as he continues his assault breathing heavily near my ear. His moans are guttural and low as he nips at my ear. “Just like that please Steve” he pushed my thighs back on the bed stroking me down harder. My jaw drops and I lift my arms above my head gripping the sheets behind me.

“You look so fucking good doll” I whimper holding him close to me. The thought of Sharon taking him away from me overwhelms me and a tear slips. Or it could be from just how good he’s pounding out my pussy.

“Look at you. A beautiful fucking mess. My beautiful fucking slut” he bites my collarbone quick to put my legs on his shoulders.

“Steve please”

“What do you want? Use your words” I can’t even think. I’m not sure what I want so I let my heart do the talking

“Don’t leave me”

“I won’t baby girl. Fuck you look so pretty taking my dick like that”

“Steve” I moan. His strokes increase as he wraps his hand tighter around my throat

“Nobody is allowed between my pretty little sluts thighs but me” my release is on the brink as he keeps talking to me like this “and if they try... I’ll kill them”

“I’m cumming” my legs shake uncontrollably as my hips buck upward.

“Cum for me please” he whimpers. I muster up the strength and flip us over riding him. I grind hard on Steve as he coats my walls in his juices whimpering my name.

I keep bucking my hips watching him squirm. I slow down and collapse on his chest feeling his dick pulse inside of me.

“You’re mine” he rasps

“I’m yours” I smile

“We’re going on a date tomorrow to solidify it but for right now will you be my girlfriend?” He smiles

“Of course” I laugh as he kisses my head.

[iadoreyouharry]

The Fight

Request: Could you write one where you and Harry fight and you go out with your friends from college and come back late and he gets worried, but you're still mad at him and going to sleep in the guest room? (very dramatic) (could you write with 20 year old Harry?) by Anonymous

summary: In where Harry is busy with One Direction and barely spends time with you, but you had enough of it.

pairings: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: Angst, lil bit of fluff and getting drunk.

word count: 1,5k

a/n: Omg my first request ever!!! I liked writing it so much!!! So thankyou to whoever sent it!! My requests are still open for anyone who’s interested!

“You’re barely spending time with me, and if you are you’re busy on that god damn phone!” you shout to Harry who was seated in the lounge chair in your apartment. You two were young but thought it was the right decision to share an apartment. In this moment you wished you never did.

“It’s my work Y/N!” Harry explains. “I’m sorry you don’t like it, but you know that’s included with me.” He stays calm in contrast to you. You were screaming. You were done. He was full days away from home, working in the studio with the boys and when he was home he was calling with the boys about the album. Of course, you supported him and the band as much as you could. You tried to come to every concert nearby and you often came by in the studio to bring them coffee and snacks.

But the thing is, he did nothing in return. You felt like you were just furniture, just a houseplant he would give some attention once a week and then ignore. “I know it’s your work!” you yell. “But you have a life next to your work!” You angrily stand up from the couch. “What if we would have kids later, are you going to treat them the way you are treating me right now?”

Harry is silent. He knew he was wrong and that he treated you like shit the last weeks. It was just all so hectic with the album coming out soon, and he might have gotten dragged away for a bit. But Harry was stubborn and found it hard to admit his fault, so he let you rant on about it.

“Don’t you have anything to say Styles?” Harry kept silent so you walked away and grabbed your bag.

“Where are you going?” He asked, afraid to lose you because it seemed like you were leaving.

“I’m going out, with friends, who do pay attention to me.” With that you walk out of the door and shut it with a loud bang. Harry was scared because you never walked away from a fight with him. The two of you always talked it out and most of the time it ended in the bedroom. But Harry knew he fucked up big time right now.

“Fuck.” he whispered to himself and put his hands in his hair. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” he repeated. He was frustrated at his self, why didn’t he just say: “Sorry I know it’s my fault, I’ll change.” But he couldn’t in the heat of the moment. He plopped down on the couch and a tear fell down his face. He didn’t know how long you would be gone, and where you would be.

In the mean time when Harry was regretting all his life choices, you and your friends from college were getting wasted. Really wasted. You just arrived at the bar and already downed three shots. “I want to get drunk!” you yelled at your friends while holding your glass high up in the air. You clinked your glass with your friends and moved to the dancefloor where you were dancing all your hatred towards Harry out of your body.

“What got you like this?” Y/F/N asked you after you shot your fifth tequila and you were starting on your glass with Smirnoff ice and coke.

“I got in a fight with Harry, I’m done with that guy.” You took a sip and you enjoyed the taste of the mixed drink.

“What? What did he do? What did you do? I love you two together, you aren’t breaking up right?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know.” you take another sip. “He only cares about his work.”

“Duh, he’s in a boyband that’s world-famous, of course he’s busy.”

“I know that, but it’s like he doesn’t even care about me.” Then you down the rest of your drink and go to the bathroom leaving your friends at the bar and dancefloor. You did your thing and cleaned yourself up. You were trying to act strong in front of your friends, and even in front of Harry back at home. But when you splashed some water in your face the realisation hit you. You love Harry, and you can’t imagine a life without him. But you also can’t imagine a life where Harry cares more about his work than about his own girlfriend.

You were only nineteen, and he was twenty. You were still in college and he was touring the world with One Direction. You two were so different, and maybe he needed to date someone from his own famous world.

You dried your face and went back to the dancefloor, acting as if that little breakdown in the bathroom never happened. You took one shot after another and you were way too wasted at the end of the night. It was currently 3am and your friends called a taxi for you, because you and your drunk head weren’t really able to.

In the meantime, Harry couldn’t shut his eyes. He was way too worried about you. He tried to call and text you but you turned your phone off. He cried the most of the night and wouldn’t fall asleep until he knew you would be safe. He hated this, and he never wanted this to happen again. Never. When Harry heard keys getting into the lock of the door he rushed up to open it for you. When he saw you, he wanted to hug you but you pushed him off you and walked through the hall into the living room.

“Where have you been?” Harry squeals out. “I’ve been worried the whole night.”

“Where have you been the last weeks?” You drunkenly laugh. “I’m going to sleep.” You walked floundering to the guest room and shut the door. You undressed yourself into your undies and looked into the mirror. “This beautiful snack doesn’t need a man.” You made a pirouette and almost stumbled over your own feet. “I’m independent!” a laugh appeared on your face but that was soon replaced with loud sobs.

Harry in the other room heard you sobbing and burst through the door. “Darling, don’t cry.” He immediately sat next to you and wrapped his arms around you.

“Why would you care, Harry?” You pushed his arms off. “You didn’t care about me these last weeks, why would you care now?” Even though you pushed Harry’s arm off of you he put them back around you as fast as he could.

“Because I love you Y/N.” He put his head on your shoulders and you heard him sniffling in the crook of your neck. “I didn’t know you felt like this.” He held you tighter. “I’m so sorry Y/N, I was so worried.”

“I miss you.” you say softly. “I hate that you’re busy 24/7. I don’t know if I can be in a relationship like this, Harry.” you looked down at your hands. “I know nothing about the famous life you’re living in. Maybe it’s better we break up and you can find someone in your famous little world.”

“Are you mental?” Harry says shocked by your words. “I’ll never leave you. Believe me when I say I’ll leave the band for you. I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

“No, don’t leave the band for me. You love it, and you love the boys.”

“Yes, true. But I also love you.”

“How do you know that, you’re just twenty.” You both were quiet. the only thing that you could hear were sniffles from both you and Harry.

“For god’s sake Y/N.” he says after a little while. “I just love you, don’t you feel it? That little tingling feeling when we’re together? The empty space in your heart when we’re not together?” He grabs both of your hands and kisses one of them. “Please don’t ever say how I would know that shit. I don’t know it, I feel it.”

“Harry...”

“Don’t you feel it?” He asks. His face became worried. His eyes still glazy and the grip on your hands got tighter.

“No, I mean, yes. I feel it. Of course, I feel it. I want you close all the time and you weren’t.”

“I’m so sorry, love.” He places kisses all over your face. “I promise.” more kisses. “That I’m going to talk with the boys and the management that I want to be home more.” He looks you in the eyes with a serious look. “I promise I won’t leave you, never. And one day we are going to get married, have kids, dogs, I don’t care what we’re going to get. The most important part is that I want it all to be with you.”

“I love you Harry.” you say softly while wiping the tears from your face.

“I love you, Y/N.”

[starbeyy]

my timeskip haikyuu drunk headcanons

warnings: manga spoilers, general drunkenness, mentions of drug use, implied sexual content, cursing, emetophobes beware there is lots of frow up

𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐎

𝐇𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚 // Three drinks, this mfer is out. I mean, alcohol touches his lips and suddenly he’s laying out on the pool table like a starfish. There was one night where he got roped into doing Jell-O shots but he thought it was just straight up Jell-O so he had like 20 of them then he threw up radioactive sludge into someone’s pool. He can’t remember whose pool it was, but he woke up at home, so he never got to apologize.

𝐊𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚 // When he’s drunk, he just kinda goes silent. But like the type of silent that you have to wave your hand in front of his face every ten minutes to make sure he’s not dead. The lights may be on, but no one’s home. One time someone asked him what he was thinking, and he responded in this fake alien language that brought the conversation to a screaming halt for like ten minutes. No one asks him what he’s thinking anymore.

𝐓𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚 // He goes on and on about how he’s a beer snob and would never be caught dead doing shots but, next thing you know, he’s at the bar with Yamaguchi downing José Cuervo like it’s water. He always wears a tie to the bar and his friends are convinced he does it on purpose so he can put the thing around his head at some point. Goes absolutely apeshit on the dance floor when “Tub Thumping” by Chumbawumba comes on.

𝐘𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢 // A very unexpected heavyweight when it comes to most alcohols, but there was one unfortunate night during a very heated political debate between some of his college buddies that he was drinking one Smirnoff Ice after another. Eventually, they all became incoherent and slept in a neat little dogpile and around 3AM, Yamaguchi woke up and felt an elbow right in his stomach which made him throw up Smirnoff Ice literally everywhere. Now whenever he walks into a party and someone tries to Ice him, he gets queasy.

𝐄𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐚 // Took an oath of sobriety after he fell into the dessert table at Tanaka and Kiyoko’s wedding. Granted, he was trying to flirt with the bartender which meant getting as many drinks as possible to have an excuse to talk to them, but the cranberry vodkas eventually caught up with him. He got carried away fake slow dancing with Nishinoya and fell ass-first into the crème puff tower. Tanaka flipped out, Kiyoko thought it was the funniest goddamn thing she’s ever seen.

𝐓𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐚 // He’s had lots of practice, so alcohol doesn’t really hit for him like it used to, but he’s used his newfound power to win an inordinate amount of beer-chugging competitions. It’s like magic, the beer just disappears down his throat. Then he’ll go down a bowl of ramen right after like, this boy has got to have some sort of IBS by now or something from the sheer stomach assault. The scariest thing is that while he’s chugging the beer, he makes eye contact with his opponent—like as his throat is guzzling down glass after glass, mans is just looking 👁👁

𝐍𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐲𝐚 // He’s a fun drunk, but only until he hits the wall. What’s the wall, you may ask? Asahi is the only one who knows when Noya is dangerously approaching the wall, so people will literally call him asking why Noya was just trying to scale the pool cage like Spiderman but now he’s floating in the water acting like he’s in an Evanescence music video. The wall is a bit of an enigma because it takes him a while to get there, but it’s straight up Jekyll and Hyde when it happens.

𝐀𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢 // He prefers to stick to beer and wine because he likes the warm feeling in his tummy. But really the reason he doesn’t drink very often is because he’s mortally terrified of throwing up or being associated with anyone else throwing up, so when someone looks like they’re about to lose it, he literally just leaves. One time he kicked Tanaka out of his car because he started gagging. Asahi literally pushed this man behind a bush to finish his business and blasted “Hollaback Girl” to mask the barfing noises. Tanaka crashed on his couch that night but then thought it would be funny to stand in Asahi’s doorway at 4AM and say “I frew up”. Asahi threw a pillow at his face and left a bruise on the bridge of his nose.

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐚 // Suga is…wait where’s Suga? Shit, he was JUST here, I swear. Suga disappears like a trained magician, one minute he’s there, the next minute he’s down the road at the drag bar putting dollar bills he stole from Daichi’s back pocket in between some fake tiddies while “Paparazzi” by Lady Gaga blasts in the background. And when his friends come to collect him, he won’t shut up about how they’re “no fun” and “never let him pet the raccoons digging in the trash can”.

𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢 // Another guy that likes to stick to beer and the occasional whiskey, but Suga bought him this super expensive bourbon one year for his birthday that he kept drinking because it was really good quality. And Daichi discovered that when he’s drunk he gets—naked. Like no shirt, tighty-whiteys, tan line lookin’ ass standing on the roof yelling about god knows what. And it was a really funny story until he went into work and one of his coworkers said they saw him while on patrol and had dashcam footage of the entire thing. His entire squadron now calls him “Calvin Klein” and he has officially banned bourbon from being within ten feet of him at all times.

𝐍𝐄𝐊𝐎𝐌𝐀

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨 // If there is something nearby that can produce smoke, drunk Kuroo is gonna find it and put his lips on it. Vape pen, blunt, cigarette—it literally does not matter, Kuroo will snatch it out of someone’s hand and take a hit. Because of this, he’s gotten punched a lot and he also frequents the doctor for multiple, varied cases of cold sores and other oral ailments. Kenma tells him to bring his own shit to smoke, but Kuroo says it’s not as fun that way. He almost learned his lesson after he took a drag from this girl’s cigarette and her boyfriend turned around and just happened to be his boss. It was a corporate Christmas party.

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚 // He doesn’t drink very often but, when he does, it goes poorly. Kenma has a lot of ~pent up rage~ that he channels through fighting men much bigger than him in the alley behind the bar. He’ll just kinda disappear for thirty minutes then come back with a black eye, a bloody nose, and half of his tooth gone. One time, he fought this guy in a mascot costume because he thought it was, in his words, “furry appropriation” and Kenma has lots of furry friends that he loves and respects (i.e. they give big ass donations in his streams). His least favorite part of the night is walking the back alleys with his friends at the end of the night to look for the other half of his tooth.

𝐘𝐚𝐤𝐮 // This boy literally has to pee every three seconds. Like he’ll get a drink, then pee, take three sips, then go pee, finish a drink, then go pee and order another one on the way back. He’s gone to the doctor to check for infections and stuff, but he just has the smallest bladder known to man. And if he meets a ~special someone~ at the bar, he’ll always drag them to the bathroom...y’know, just in case.

𝐘𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐨 // Yamamoto just doesn’t shut up when he’s drunk. Everyone just listens to him talk on and on about literally nothing. If his friends leave him unattended for just one second, he’ll leave and talk to just random people. But he somehow always makes friends. Like his original group will say that they’re relocating to a different bar and he’s like “Cool, can my friends Carl, Nina, and Franklin come? They’re from South Africa and they snuck a snake onto their flight who likes to wear pirate hats” and then they’ll all go to the next bar. The cycle continues until the group is far too big and Yamamoto has to say goodnight to his weird new friends.

𝐋𝐞𝐯 // He has height to give him a drinking advantage, but he’s very gangly which means that he just breaks shit left and right when he’s drunk. He’s been officially banned from so many house parties because he’ll get a little too excited about Mario Kart and bust three lightbulbs at once with his fist. He knocks over priceless glass heirlooms and framed photos and other people’s drinks. One time he literally stepped on Yaku and the man beat him to a fucking pulp, but Yaku eventually had to stop because he had to pee.

𝐅𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐚 // He thinks he gets funnier as he gets drunker, but it’s only because his audience gets drunk at the same time, so any sober mind would hear the most disjointed jokes ever told but Fukunaga and his friends are losing their goddamn minds. They always get to a point where Fukunaga will just say something like “chicken” and the entire group goes apeshit and pisses themselves laughing over literally nothing. When this happens, he feels like a god.

𝐅𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐈

𝐁𝐨𝐤𝐮𝐭𝐨 // He’s a daredevil drunk, which means that if a feat was impossible to Sober Bokuto, it is now magically possible to Drunk Bokuto. Akaashi was his angel protector right out of high school, but now he just jumps off of roofs like nothing is gonna happen when he hits the ground. He has rock climbed multi-story brick buildings and dumpster dived in literal garbage trucks. But when he gets tired, he gets fussy and mopes on the couch with a bottle balanced between his tiddies and his lips.

𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 // It takes a lot to get this man drunk. And, like Sugawara, he kinda disappears halfway through house parties. But instead of being found in a completely different location having the time of his life, he’s usually found crying in the corner with the house owner’s cat cradled in his arms like a baby. Then he’ll go on this whole tangent about how no one understands cats and he loves them so much and he just wants every cat in the world to have a home and it’s so unfair that he can’t adopt more cats in his current apartment—

𝐀𝐎𝐁𝐀 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐒𝐀𝐈

𝐎𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 // He gets significantly flirtier while drunk, but the flirting gets gradually more incoherent as the night wanes. Like at the beginning of the night he’s pulling numbers and doing questionable things in club bathrooms, but once 1AM hits, he’s complimenting people on their eyelashes and asking to touch them (he always pokes them in the eye) or saying how much he likes someone’s drink before stealing it and downing it. His dancing also nosedives in quality; he just kinda sways back and forth until someone comes to save him and drive him home.

𝐈𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐢 // He’s not a fan of clubs but Oikawa always drags him to them against his will. Eventually, he learned how to mooch free drinks from the bartenders who thought he was hot. This got the better of him one night when he started an unofficial arm-wrestling tournament in the corner of the club and, soon, all of the club-goers were shoved together cheering him on while he absolutely obliterated contestant after contestant. He did have to excuse himself at some point to dry heave in the gutter. And he always wakes up the next morning laying horizontally in his bed which is just strange.

𝐊𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 // The most paranoid drunk. This man has a couple shots and suddenly he’s hunched behind a table with his friend talking about how the bartender is a CIA conspirator that is hunting him down for his crimes. He never says what crimes they are, they’re always just “crimes”. He growls at anyone who tries to talk to him because he’s so convinced that everyone is an alien and they’ve come to bite him and make him an alien too. Literally, he saw Iwaizumi once and didn’t recognize him for a moment, so Kyoutani puts this man in a chokehold and asks what he knows about the Panama Papers. Iwaizumi was like “the fucking what?”. Now he’s only allowed to get drunk at home with people he trusts—people being the Sendai Frogs.

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 // Crossfaded constantly. Every few words he has to bring up that his body feels weird and everyone’s like “yeah we know” and then he just says it again. This guy will slump on the couch at a house party and just stare at the ceiling and, if anyone joins him, he’ll start explaining the Monopoly game he sees on it on how all of the players are just his friends dressed as his mom. He’s only had his stomach pumped twice, but he’s going for a biblical third. Hanamaki stopped entertaining the thought because the drive to the hospital is brutal and he has no more gas money.

𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢 // When drunk, Makki turns into the biggest bully ever. He just goes around roasting people on very specific things that they’re obviously insecure about. No one knows how, but he can take one look at a person and know to ask them how their parent’s divorce is going. He can make a girl cry in 30 seconds flat, he had Mattsun time it.

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐖𝐀

𝐔𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚 // Ushijima’s demeanor doesn’t change much under the influence, but he does suddenly enjoy lifting things. If he’s at a house party, he’ll just go around lifting different pieces of furniture to prove that he can. He usually collects a gaggle of fascinated girls who just wanna watch his biceps ripple as he like lifts up a dresser or something. He’s only a little bothered that he’s never strong enough to lift refrigerators.

𝐓𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 // Drunk Tendou tends to get roped into things pretty easily. I mean four tequila shots in and suddenly he’s behind the bar serving drinks to people—like where’s the bartender? Take him to a drag show and next thing you know, he’s sauntering onstage with a feather boa and the highest pair of heels you’ve ever seen. The only time it ever went wrong was when he almost joined a cult because they “seemed friendly”.

𝐆𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐤𝐢 // This boy is way too obsessed with bar games. The minute he walks in he’s stalking the pool table and waiting for his turn to play, even though he’s absolute dogshit at it. He’s also obsessed with that ring on a string game that you try to get it on the hook on the wall and one time, he got so heated that he ripped the hook off the wall and got thrown out.

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐮 // Drunk Shirabu will literally complain about everything. No matter where you are, this man is gonna find something to bitch about. He’ll complain about the décor or the air conditioning or the amount of ice in his drink or the state of the bathrooms. His friends have started calling him the “Bitch-mobile” and when he got punched by a bartender for complaining about yet another drink, they wouldn’t stop saying he got his headlight busted out.

𝐒𝐞𝐦𝐢 // One word: hornee. This guy gets a couple drinks in his system and he’s prepared to screw anything that moves. His friends have literally started designating one of the rooms in the house party as the “Semi Room” that they have to train him to use like he’s a puppy who can’t find the pee pad. But the following morning, whoever he was with the night prior is always gone and he won’t admit that he’s a little bummed always waking up to an empty bed. He makes a mean hangover omelet, but no one stays around long enough to try it.

𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐊𝐈

𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐮 // This man will make everything into a challenge when he’s drunk. He can’t even walk in a straight line and he’ll start racing the guy walking in front of him on the sidewalk for literally no reason. He’ll watch someone sip from their drink and make it a point to finish his drink faster. He never gets anything for winning, and everyone is tired of his bullshit.

𝐎𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐮 // It’s hard to tell when Osamu is drunk, but you definitely know he is when he cannot control his limbs anymore. He can’t go out drinking with less than four friends because he’ll eventually need someone to hold each limb and carry him to whatever transportation they’re using. Occasionally his friends will get sidetracked and he’ll lay motionless into the gutter for a little while. One time they forgot him there.

𝐀𝐫𝐚𝐧 // He’s an insufferable ‘I love you’ drunk. He says it to his friends, then he calls his parents to tell them how much he loves them, then he calls each of the Miya twins, then he says it to some kid he sat next to in his freshman Bio lecture. And it was a pretty endearing habit until he told the uber driver one time that he loved him and then proceeded to kiss him square on the lips. Now he refuses to take Ubers, even while sober.

𝐊𝐢𝐭𝐚 /// Kita is almost as bad of an ‘I love you’ drunk as Aran, but he tends to lavish care on random animals he finds outside. Like he and his friends could be walking down the sidewalk and Kita will see a caterpillar who’s been smooshed by someone’s shoe and he just loses it. Automatic tears. He’ll lament about how he couldn’t save the caterpillar and how he can’t protect every animal on earth. He keeps tissues with him when he goes out drinking.

𝐒𝐮𝐧𝐚 // Suna disappears about two minutes into every bar or club outing because he’s just sitting in the bathroom talking to people who walk in. He’ll take his drinks in there and sit on the countertop and have full-blown conversations through the stall door. He’ll also ask people to kiss him as payment to use the stall because 6 times out of 10, it works. And his twitter handle is on every bar bathroom wall in a ten-mile radius.

𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐚 // Yeah, the douchey frat boy act never went away, so he definitely prefers a house party to a bar or club outing. This guy can tap a keg in five seconds, has used that beer funnel more times in one week than he’s called his mom ever, and owns seven shirts that have some joke using the word ‘bitches’. His drink of choice used to be Four Lokos until he accidentally drank too much and had an out of body experience. He swore he saw God. Now he won’t touch the shit.

𝐊𝐢𝐲𝐨𝐤𝐨 // Kiyoko didn’t have time to eat anything on her wedding day, so when she started tossing back glasses of champagne, they went straight to her bloodstream. Tanaka had to hold her hair and her dress while she puked in the fancy venue toilet and he kept planting kisses on her cheek and telling her how beautiful she looked.

𝐘𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢 // For her 21st birthday, Kiyoko took Yachi out for brunch where they could order bottomless mimosas, but she got so drunk that she told the waitress she was in love with her then fell into a nearby bush and contracted poison ivy. She was still drunk when they got to the hospital and she kept complaining that they gave her a guy doctor instead of a girl doctor.

𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐔𝐤𝐚𝐢 // It takes a lot to get Ukai drunk, but he should get his phone taken away as a precautionary measure no matter what. When this man hits the wall, he’s calling and facetiming literally everyone in his contacts. He’ll call Takeda, then he’ll call his dad, then suddenly he’s video chatting with his chiropractor. Lots of incoherent texts and downright concerning voicemails.

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐝𝐚 // If you’ve ever seen Yuri on Ice, think Yuri at that banquet. Takeda’s a pretty standup guy, so going out drinking is his only time to really let loose—and Takeda lets loose. He will remove his pants and start grinding on complete strangers. And one time, he was out at the club and was just going ham on the dance floor when he tried to tap this tall beefcake on the shoulder to ask him to dance. It was Daichi. He cried in the bathroom.

𝐀𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐮 // He’s a big softy, so he’ll always end up at home flipping through old photo albums and crying about it. If he’s with Tsukki, he’ll just cry into this boy’s shoulder about how they’ll never get to be kids again and how beautiful their mother was in her youth and how much he misses that carnival they used to go to. And he’s a snotty crier, so he’ll wake up with the entire neck of his shirt crusted with boogers.

𝐒𝐚𝐞𝐤𝐨 // She’s at the tattoo parlor getting the bartender’s name printed on her ass. I’m kidding—kinda. She’s definitely getting some kind of tattoo, and maybe a piercing while she’s at it. She swears to her friends that she won’t make them drive her to get some kind of body mod, but she always ends up scrolling through nipple piercings on Pinterest and whining about how cute she would look with them and they eventually take her just so she’ll shut up.

𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐬𝐚 // You wouldn’t catch him dead at a bar or a club and he’s usually pretty responsible with alcohol while at home with his friends. However, he had dinner with his parents this one night so they could meet this person he’d been dating for a little while, but he was so nervous that he kept asking the waiter to refill his wine and, eventually, he was tipsy out of his mind. He started dishing to his parents about his own sex life (particularly with this current s/o) and ended up zonking out in the backseat of his dad’s Toyota Corolla before they could even leave the restaurant. He woke up at home with a killer headache and a note from his significant other that said they should probably see other people.

[josy1986]

Pitch Perfect: Smirnoff Ice

A lil somethin somethin I whipped up, un beta-ed and shit. A small request from @shortstack-posen hope you enjoy it!

@pitchslapped @rejection-isnt-failure 

Chloe smiled, walking campus over with a bottle of smirnoff ice tucked away in her bag. A few days ago she’d heard some kind of tradition involving this kind of drink and she wanted to see for herself what results it would bring.

Her target?

Well.. the very one and only Beca Mitchel.

Chloe’s girlfriend of four months.

Beca Mitchel who’s such a lightweight that she gets drunk from looking at a bottle of alcohol. Let alone drinking one in one go.

Once she arrived at the Bella house she made her way to the kitchen. Pouring half of the alcohol from the down the drain and replacing it with some left over wodka she still had. Making it seem like there was just one type of alcohol in the bottle instead of two.

The usual smirnoff ice had a low alcohol percentage but mixed with some regular wodka, ik became a killer drink.

Some hours later while the party at the Treble house was going on for quite a while already. Beca arrived after a long day at her internship. Glad it was over and weekend, she looked around for her girlfriend. The brunette found Chloe at the bar (of course..) and headed over to the woman who greeted her with one of her signature smiles.

“Hey baby.” Chloe greeted, giving Beca a gentle kiss on the lips.

“Hey.” Beca said with a tired voice, returning the kiss.

“I got you a gift!” Chloe beamed, handing over the bottle of booze to the petite brunette who looked at it in confusion.

“Thanks..?” She said, not sure what to do next.

Several people around them started to chant, ‘chug chug chug!’ Chloe being included. 

Beca checked the bottle, realizing that the percentage was really low. Well, alright then… She raised the bottle in the air after opening it. “Cheers..?” She said and started to drink, much to the amusement to the crowd that started gathering around her. Oh what the fuck..?

She chugged down several big gulps before she removed the bottle from her lips. “Jesus christ!” She groaned before taking several more big gulps. The bottle was now half empty. She waved her free hand side to side as a sign she couldn’t take anymore and put the bottle down.

“Awww.. you didn’t finish.” Chloe stated, taking the bottle and drinking directly from it. “Oh.. that’s smooth…” She said after swallowing several gulps. 

The couple walked to the kitchen so Beca could rinse her mouth with anything else she could find. She settled for a soda and managed to get her ass to the couch while the alcohol she consumed slowly made its way through her system. “Fuck… why’s the room spinnin..?” She slurred, quickly sipping from her soda.

Chloe bit her lower lip, feeling somewhat guilty. That didn’t take long… She let out a soft chuckle when she noticed how Beca was moving around. Having trouble already to put her now empty soda can on the coffee table in front of her.

“Why’s the table movin..? Stay still you stupid thin!” Beca growled, narrowed her eyes as if she was focusseing for dear life and slammed her can on the innocent table. “There you go..! Ha!” She then leaned backwards, looking around in confusion. “Now where the hell am I..?”

This made Chloe chuckle and made her way over to her girlfriend who was trying her hardest to get back on her feet.

“Easy there, drunky.” She said gently holding Beca’s arms while guiding her back down on the couch.

Beca looked up at Chloe, confusion all over her face before she smiled. “Oh, hey.. you’re pretty…” She mumbled, watching Chloe settle next to her. “But uh, don’t get any ideas ya know what I’m saying.” She added with a wink.

Chloe couldn’t help but smile. “Oh really? And why is that?”

Beca motioned Chloe to get closer, looking around suspiciously, the redhead had to bite her lower lip not to laugh. Leaning closer to the brunette, their shoulders touching.

“Cause, I got a girlfriend..” Beca whispered but leaned too far and ended up with her head on Chloe’s lap. “Woopsy… heh…” Beca smiled up sweetly at Chloe. “Don’t tell my girlfriend… I’m usually not very cuddly.” She let out a soft giggle that made Chloe smelt.

The older Bella put a hand gently on Beca’s hair, moving her fingers delicately through the brown mass. “I won’t.”

The petite brunette let out a soft sigh, her eyes fluttering shut. “Mhn… thanks… cause I love her… more then anything…” She said, her voice slowly failing her while she drifted off to sleep.

[everybodyscupoftea]

how about one with pike jj ✨almost✨ kiss the reader?? ♥️

oh the drama

(warnings: drinking, cursing, vaguely edited)

-

jj used his 21st birthday as an excuse to go to a bar downtown and get smashed on a wednesday night. when he told you that’s what he really wanted to do, you asked how that was different than any other week. he informed you that doing it legally ‘hit different’ and who were you to deny that?

you picked him and some of the brothers up from the frat house, agreeing to dd because you had a test the next day, and he got in your car already smelling like booze.

“jesus, j, how much have you been drinking.”

he reached over the console to pull you into a very uncoordinated hug before taking a hit of his juul and accidentally blowing smoke in your face.

“i’ve been drinking a lot bit.”

you snorted and pulled away from the curb after double checking that everyone had their seat belts on. it was pretty busy for a wednesday night, but you found a parking spot and jj threw an arm around you, almost dragging you to the ground in his excitement.

“dude, j, you’re going to send us both into the street if you don’t stop leaning so heavily on me,” you warned.

he tapped your nose, “i won’t fall ‘cause you got my back, baby,” and then giggled, “baby got back.”

you slapped his hand away when he reached down like he was going to touch your ass and told him, “hey, straighten up, you’re 21 not 12.”

he pouted and took another hit, blowing smoke dramatically. rolling your eyes, you half carried him through the line to the door of the bar, the other guys trailing behind the two of you. 

by the time you got in, jj had calmed down a little, but the sight of the bar worked him right back up and he dragged you over, yelling something over the music. the bartender looked amused as he shoved his way to the front, you in tow, and told her, “i want vodka soda and get a vodka cran for my girl.”

you hated when he called you that when he was drunk because he never meant it the way you wanted, but you for some reason let it go on. shaking your head at the bartender, you changed the order to a smirnoff ice.

when you got your drinks, jj pulled you onto the dance floor, his frat brothers not far behind. the music was blasting and jj pulled you in, jumping around completely off beat.

jj was touchier than usual, which was nice and sucked simultaneously. he kept leaning down to talk in your ear so you could hear over the music and it was giving you chills. 

he also was drinking a lot and you weren’t sure how long he was going to stay upright at that rate. the music changed to a slower beat and he stopped jumping, leaning into you a little. 

you planted your feet, trying to carry all of his weight and he tilted your chin up to look him in the eye. your eyes widened as he started to lean in, and on reflex, you turned your head, his lips landing on your cheek.

he pulled back, confused, “well that wasn’t very cash money of you.”

you could’ve fucking cried. because of course it wasn’t serious.

“tough luck,” you whispered, stepping out of his space to head to the bathroom, holding in tears.

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

It's late and I'm feeling like sharing a story for @thatnerdwriter

So here goes.

The Story of Shanie's 21st Birthday.

So to state this now, I had had a few drinks before my 21st. Even got drunk once. But for the most part, I wasn't an underage drinker.

So, when I turned 21, I was working as a telemarketer at a call center. Our team often got together on weekends to go out mini-golfing and other stuff and out team leader sometimes worked as a bartender at the local watering hole. (more on that later)

So, when word came that I was turning 21, the team decided we'd all go to the one bar and celebrate. The team leader came with us.

Anyway, I was on a slew of psych meds at the time and knew that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place. But I wasn't missing my 21st so I figured a couple smirnoff ice's wouldn't hurt.

Anyway, I get to the bar and immediately, one of my team members said "Let's get you three dead nazis" which is apparently the term for a shot of jagermeister, a shot of goldschlager, and a shot of rumplemintz. He told me what it was and I point blank said "You do that you'll have three dead nazis and one dead p*lak" (Me.) He laughed and asked me what I was drinking and I said "You can buy me a Smirnoff Ice".

So he did.

And he told the rest of the guys at the bar that I wasn't doing shots due to my medicine and everyone was cool with it.

Well, cue the team leader showing up. He heads right behind the bar, pulls out the Smirnoff Ice the first guy had ordered for me, and hands it to me saying "For your 21st. on the house"

I was shocked because how the hell could he just do that.

NOW. IMPORTANT NOTE.

I knew this guy. I had *known* this guy. Since high school. He was in my class...

... a fact which neither of us had ever told a single person at our work and neither of us ever intended to. After my first day there, he greeted me by name and gave me a look that said "never tell them" and we didn't.

So you can imagine my surprise, on my 21st birthday, when one of his fellow bartenders mentioned that he'd been working for them for THREE YEARS by that point.

I did indeed choke on my Ice but I managed not to spittake it. Good on me, I guess.

Anyway, I'm broken away from the group, sitting at the bar, and this guy gets on the other side of the bar from me. And, in a very low voice, I raise an eyebrow and say "Three years?"

Him: Shhhhhh. Anything you want. On the house. Just keep your mouth shut.

He asked me if I wanted to do one shot for good luck. I told him no but I said I had an idea.

Still unknowledgeable of the scope of alcohol, I asked him to point me to the strongest stuff they had there. It was Bacardi 151. Completely crystal clear, 151 proof of shanie-death juice.

I told him.

"Make like you're pouring me a shot of that, but fill the shotglass with water instead"

He gets this devilish look on his face but does what I said.

He brings me the "151" (water) and I say "Follow my lead"

I turn to the rest of the team, hold up my shotglass, and say "TO TWENTY ONE!" and knock it back, letting out a loud AHHH after I did so and slamming the shotglass back on the bar (as one would) The team leader, not missing a beat says very loudly... "You know, I tried to tell her the 151 was a bad idea, but she insisted..."

IMMEDIATELY the entire team got the most horrified looks on their faces. One guy literally started choking on his jaegerbomb. The color drains from everyone's face and they're all staring at me like I just took a shot of cyanide.

It was WONDERFUL.

Of course, we only let them hanging for about ten seconds when the team leader and I burst into laughter and admitted it was just water.

And everyone let out a sigh of relief and I got a fresh bottle of Smirnoff Ice and toasted them for real.

Unimportant to the story but, later that night, I got the attention of the pizza guy for the bar. I asked him what it would take to make a Chicken-Ranch pizza (it wasn't on the menu). He said that he couldn't make off-menu items but the Team Leader stepped in again and said "It's her 21st, man, make her the pizza" and he made it exactly as I ordered. I slipped him a 20 dollar tip for his troubles and it was the best damn pizza I've ever eaten in my life.

Anyway, that's the story of my 21st birthday party. I left that company four months later and, no, it never came out that I went to school with the team leader.

Fun times.

[sirsparklepants]

Geralt walked into the bar just in time to watch his client take a half full solo cup to the face. Lucky for him, this wasn't a security gig, so he didn't have to do anything but settle in the corner by the stage.

The whole crowd booed as the client sputtered, moving his guitar away from himself as the drink cascaded down his face. "Well!" the man said. "Glad I could bring you all together like this!"

A Smirnoff Ice bottle flew at the stage this time, and the man caught it, shoving it into the front pocket of his skinny jeans. "Guess my set is over," he muttered, and scanned the crowd.

Geralt moved from where he was slumped against the wall, letting his white hair catch the dim light from the bar. His client brightened a little as he saw him.

"Geralt, right?" he asked. Geralt didn't answer - they'd already exchanged names and photos, though he'd forgotten the client's name already. Good thing he didn't try, though, because the other man was off and running.

"I'm so glad you're here early! I certainly didn't expect this kind of reception. People seem to like my recordings just fine, so perhaps it's my stage presence. What did you think, Geralt, is it my stage presence? Am I threatening to the heterosexual men of the world? Come on, you can tell me. Three words or less."

Geralt grunted. "Wouldn't know," he said. When Jaskier tilted his head, he added, "Just got here. Let's get your shit before someone takes it."

"Ah, yes, an excellent suggestion," the client said. He led Geralt back to the stage - unnecessarily, as it was barely five steps away - and began to pack up his more delicate equipment. This close, Geralt could smell the distinct tang of Natty Light in his hair, and wrinkled his nose.

"Did you park by the side door or the main?" the client asked, when everything was ready to go.

"Side," Geralt said. "Want to stay here with the rest of it so no one takes off with it before I come back?" he asked, nodding at the other half of the music equipment.

"Oh, no need!" the client said, hefting up the heavy speaker Geralt was sure he'd be schlepping. "I do most of my own fetching and carrying. I can't get it all, but I can certainly get it out to your car. That's the thing I'm missing, really."

Geralt grunted and started for the side door instead of talking.

He'd pulled out his tarp and ratchet straps when he'd gotten the client's email, so once they'd settled the speakers and other things in, he wrapped them up and tied them down. They didn't take up too much room in the bed of his old Ford Ranger, but it was enough he was glad to have moved his things to behind his seat. When he finished, he saw the client standing awkwardly by the passenger door, and he wondered if he'd forgotten to unlock the door before he went into the dive bar the client had been performing in.

"Sorry, it's just - do you want me to go back in and ask for a towel or something?" the client asked, gesturing at his wet face and hair. "It's a bit sticky, and I don't think your seats would get the same benefit from a beer rinse as my hair."

Geralt shrugged. "She's seen worse," he said. "Get in."

Normally, with clients, he fished a tape out of the shoebox he kept shoved under the seat. The musicians tended to sing along, though, so he pushed the fake tape that let him play from his phone into the tape deck and let the Coast to Coast AM rerun he'd been listening to on the way over keep playing.

The client seemed to enjoy it, only speaking up to give directions. He lived on the third floor of a run-down but not terrible apartment building, the kind that Geralt's brothers usually lived in when he saw them. The elevator was busted, so they had to haul everything up the stairs. Geralt was distinctly grateful this client did some of the work for himself.

When they had settled everything in the client's bedroom, Geralt turned to him. "Hundred orens, like you told me," he said.

The client bit his lip. "Well, you see, Geralt, my dear," he said, "I don't actually have a hundred orens." His hand settled on Geralt's arm, stroking up and down. Geralt suppressed the urge to flinch. "I was hoping we could settle up with an... alternative method of payment."

"I don't take bitcoin," Geralt said immediately. He'd had enough bad experiences with that.

The client laughed. "No, darling, I wouldn't do that to you! I'm suggesting something else entirely. My roommates are out for the night, after all. I put clean sheets on the bed. And I've been told I'm quite talented."

Geralt considered it for a moment. His client was pretty, with big blue eyes, long legs, and strong hands. He'd get a night of sleep in a real bed, instead of in the bed of his truck, out of it, and a shower, too. But the gas gage was nearly at empty, and there was shit for work in this town. He needed gas to move on.

"We exchanged emails, that's a written contract," he said instead. "If you can't come up with the money, you're in breach of it." He was bullshitting and he knew it, but hopefully the client didn't.

The other man's face fell. "I really don't have the money," he said. "Didn't even get paid tonight."

Geralt scowled and bared his teeth at him. "Lot of expensive equipment in here for someone who doesn't have the money," he said.

"Brought it with me when I left home, was all!" the client said, a little nervous. "Wait, wait, okay, I have an idea how we can get the money, alright?"

"An idea?" Geralt asked.

"Yes, an idea," the client said. "There's this commune on the edge of town, no one has ever been inside, but they say they're hiding from the government so they don't have to pay taxes on the big country mansions inside. We can sneak in and steal something from them! Be our own Robin Hoods, right? You can stay with me to make sure I don't run off on you, and if that doesn't work, you can come to the pawn shop with me tomorrow. I'll sell.... one of my amps to get the money I owe you, alright?"

It was a harebrained scheme, but at least the client had a backup plan. And in the likely case he chickened out, Geralt could still demand to sleep in his bed. "Alright," he said. "Let's go."

[foradnama]

for: @fictionalcharacters​ pairing: magnus blue x orla rhodes synopsis: what’s a girl gotta do to get a drink around here?

“YOU LIKE YOU KNOW YOUR ORDER. Tequila? Bourbon? Maybe a Smirnoff Ice?” The faster she finds a spot at this bar, the faster the assholes looking for her outside of this bar heap will leave. This one looks nice --- not in the traditional sense, but in the fun sense. Magnus glances briefly at the door before tapping a finger against the bar top. “Tell you what -- I’ll buy you a drink if you pretend to be my friend for the next twenty minutes. Laugh at my bad jokes, and I’ll buy you two. Deal?”

[calumance]

LA Devotee - Part I

Warnings: cursing, drinking, divorce, smoking, depression

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Emily went through a pretty rough divorce when she got a new job that involved moving to a different state. After moving, her best friend has continuously tried to cure her depression, but nothing has worked. It’s not until she meets the brown eyed man in the club that maybe life will start looking clearer

A/N: Hello!!! Oh my gosh, I finally reached 400 followers!! So, to celebrate this milestone, I am posting the first chapter to a fic I have been working on for, like, two months, but have kind of kept to myself. I hope you all like it, let me know if you want to read more!! 😊 

           The door locked with a click as the deadbolt set into place. As I turn around I am welcomed by the boxes stacked high that I have yet to unpack. It’s been three weeks since I moved here, and I’ve continuously put off unpacking, even on the weekends when I absolutely nothing to do. It’s not that I don’t want to unpack, it’s just because I’m lazy (which might be a side effect of the crushing depression). A sigh escapes from my lungs causing my chest to fall and I step my way into my drab apartment. Just as I get to the fridge to pull a Smirnoff Ice out of the fridge, the mail was dropped through the metal slot and onto the floor. As I twist the metal cap off the drink, my eyes catch sight of a large orange colored envelope. I took a large swig of the drink, not taking my eyes off the envelope. My heart sinks knowing exactly what was in that envelope.

           The glass of the bottle clanks as I roughly set it on the counter and make my way to the envelope. I squat down and pick up the envelope and my heart instinctually starts to race. My finger quiver as I turn the envelope around in my hands. The contents of this envelope are the exact reason I am standing in this tiny apartment surrounded by the boxes that contain my entire life. My eyes close and I drop my right hand, still holding onto the envelope while my left elbow rests on my knee and my hand slides down my face. I think about crumbling them, maybe even lighting them on fire. Three months ago, this had all been completely mutual, but as the process went on, it became completely one sided.

            The office was cold and smelled like wet wood. An interesting smell for the inside of a lawyer’s office. I looked out the window towards the downtown skyline. The glass touched my lips and I took a drink of whatever whiskey the lawyer’s assistant had gotten me. A man behind me cleared his throat, causing me to jump and spin around. Mr. Hernandez was standing in the doorway holding onto some papers. The look on his face told me that what he was about to say was not about to be good. As much as I wanted to set my drink down, there was a voice in my head telling me to hold onto it. “He, uh, didn’t accept the conditions and came back with new ones.”

           “What the fuck do you mean he didn’t accept the conditions? I felt like I was being MORE than reasonable saying we should split everything 50/50.” I stomped toward him and snatched the papers out of his hands and started reading. My eyes scanned over every word on the page as I carefully took in the new conditions. The rage in my stomach started to boil, to the point where I was physically trembling. I was right in not putting down my drink, because I threw my head back and downed the remaining amber liquid. My hand slammed the glass down and I held my breath for a second so I wouldn’t start yelling. “This motherfucker wants to take everything I have? Why? What the hell did I do to him? He’s the one who decided to divorce me when I told him I got a new job and have to move to LA.” My eyes connected with Mr. Hernandez’s, who was obviously feeling the same pain I was feeling. I dropped the papers to my side and closed my eyes and let the tears fall. “Fine, tell him I accept. I don’t care anymore. I just want enough that I can move to LA without sinking.”

           Mr. Hernandez nodded and had me sign on the line that said I agreed to the conditions, even though I didn’t. Over the years I had learned how to deal with him, and deal with all the shit he threw at me, but this, this reminded me of just how miserable he has made me for the past five years. After Mr. Hernandez walked out of the room, I knew that my life was over, or at least this part of it. The book of my early adulthood was finally coming to an end. Maybe moving to LA was going to be good for me. A fresh new start, away from the guy who took so much of my youth away from me. It took a minute before Mr. Hernandez came back into the room, and when he did, he didn’t seem too surprised that I literally hadn’t moved. “So, the papers will be filed tomorrow. In the State of Colorado it takes about 90 days for the divorce to be final. We will mail you the completed files to your new address in California. If you need anything else Ms. Williams,” My heart skipped and I cringed when he used my maiden name, only digging the reality of how real this was further into my heart, “Please, let me know.”

           My eyes sprung open and I ripped the envelope open. The envelope fell to the ground as I pulled the finalized divorce papers out. The fire in the pit of my stomach raged as I read through everything I was entitled to and everything he was entitled to. He took everything from me, the only thing I was entitled to was the money I put down on the house we bought together, my clothes, and anything my mom had bought for us. Everything else was his, he was still living in the house I put the money down on, he still had our dogs, he still had everything. I stood up and tossed the papers onto the counter and grabbed my drink. My head tilted back, and I chugged the whole drink down. I grabbed a second drink and walked out of the kitchen towards the couch. As I fell back onto the couch, it moved backwards causing it to make a screeching noise across the hardwood floor.

           The annoying sound of my phone ringing caused me to groan out loud. The name on the phone is that of my newest friend, and also my best friend, Mikayla. “Hello?” I answer, not really wanting to talk to her, but it was better than sitting here wallowing in my own self-pity.

           “Emily! What are you doing right now? No, wait don’t answer that, because every time you do, I just end up feeling bad for you.” She wasn’t wrong, I’m pretty much a miserable person. I have been since I got my life ripped out from underneath me. “It’s Friday night, you should go out with Trevor and me. We’re going to this club that is supposed to super fun.”

           There was no way I was going to catch myself in a club. Drinking by myself at home sounded just fine for a Friday night, “No, I’ll pass, thanks though.” She complained in my ear consistently for five minutes, and just because I wanted her to shut up, I gave in, “Fuck, okay! I’ll go, but I’ve already been drinking.”

           She squealed, obviously a lot more excited about going out than me, “That’s fine, Trevor and I will come and pick you up. Dress cute!” She hung up before I could even protest. My eyes scanned all of the boxes. There had to be a good club outfit in there somewhere.

           It took a while, but I finally found myself standing in front of my mirror wearing a blue spaghetti strap dress that was form fitting and looked as if it was a wrap, coming to an upside-down V in the front. In another box I pulled out a pair of sparkly gold four-inch pumps. I curled my shoulder length blonde and pink hair and plastered my face with a classy smoky eye and a deep red lipstick. There was a knock on my door, bringing me out of my thoughts. I threw my leather jacket over my arms and flicked my hair out of the back. When I swung the door open, Mikayla gasped. “Emily, you clean up so nicely, I mean, not that you look bad at work, just like, damn.”

           “Thanks, can we go now, because the sooner we leave, the sooner I can come home.” Before we left, Mikayla managed to look at the inside of my apartment. She looked at me with a concerned look, but I brushed it off, just as I do with every concerned look I get. My mom gives me a lot of those looks when I am facetiming her. I’m not saying she shouldn’t give me those looks, but I am saying I’m allowed to be hurt and be depressed after my life was literally signed away from me. I am allowed a grieving period, even if it is longer than it should be.

           “I, uh, got the finalized papers in the mail today.” I said in a monotone voice as we reached Trevor’s car.

           Mikayla stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me, “Oh, shit, Emily. Are you alright?”

           The door handle popped as I pulled it open. My hand grabbed the door as I gathered my thoughts and turned to Mikayla. “Yeah,” I nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.” That was a lie.

           All the people in the club were standing shoulder to shoulder, which immediately put me on edge. The only place that didn’t have a lot of people was the bar, telling me that most of the people in this place were too young to purchase drinks. Mikayla and Trevor went off towards the dancefloor while I went off towards the bar. I pulled out a barstool and took my jacket off, placing it on the back of the barstool. The bartender had to yell at me over the music to get my order, which just solidified how terrible of an idea this was. After I yelled back at the bartender, I looked around. There were a few people at the bar, a majority of them just being there to get their drinks and head out to the dancefloor. And there was only me and two other people sitting on the barstools, which this barstool is where I intended on being all night.

           To my right, at the end of the bar there was a man, most likely around the same age as me, taking a sip out of his drink. There was something about him that completely caught my attention. His hair was blonde, but it couldn’t be a natural blonde since his eyebrows were a dark black. In the dark, it was hard to see what color his eyes were, but they had to be a dark shade considering in the darkness of the club, his eyes looked black. He laughed at something the bartender said to him, and his smile lit up the whole space around him. My eyes diverted when he looked towards me, obviously knowing that I was staring at him. When he looked away from me, I looked at him again. He was wearing a black button up shirt that was unbuttoned and a black tank top underneath. He pants were the same color as blue jeans, but they did not appear to be the same material. He has tattoos on his hands, but from my spot, it’s hard to make out what they are. My eyes travel up his left arm and note the multiple tattoos on his arm. He looks at me again, and I dart my eyes in a different direction, grabbing my phone, hoping that I don’t look like a creep.

           My finger flicks across the screen with a rhythm as I scroll through my phone. Suddenly, the bartender places a drink in front of me, causing me to look up from my phone. I look at the bartender, confused, since I hadn’t asked for another drink yet. “It’s compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar, he said he likes your leather jacket.” The bartender shrugged and pushed the drink towards me. Reluctantly, I grabbed the drink and looked towards the guy who had caught me staring at him twice. I held the drink up and nodded my head towards him in a silent ‘thank you.’ After I took a few sips of my drink, I set the glass down and continued to scroll through my phone.

           Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the man starting to move. Even though I continued to look at my phone, I concentrated on him. He stood from his seat and placed his hands in his pockets. He walked closer to me, and surprised me when he leaned towards my ear, “I’m going to step outside, would you like to join me?” As I looked towards him, he was walking out of the bar area and into the crowd. I thought about if I wanted to go with him or not. If I went with him, there was a small chance I could get murdered, but I mean I could get murdered in here too. In all reality, I could get murdered anywhere. Fuck it, I thought to myself.

           I grabbed my jacket and my phone and squeezed my way through the crowd, and out the front door of the club. It was nice to feel the fresh air, and it was nice to be able to hear my thoughts again. He was standing off to the side, lighting a cigarette. My hands dug deeper into my pockets as I stepped down the stairs and the few feet down the sidewalk towards him. He looked at me through a partially opened eye and smiled, “Look, if you’re going to murder me, just get it over with.” My heels were already making my feet hurt, causing me to shift my weight a few times to find a comfortable standing position.

           He laughed at my comment, and his laugh sent a shiver down my spine. “Definitely not going to murder you. You just look really miserable in there.” He offered me his cigarette and as much as I wanted to, I waved my hand declining his offer. “Why’d you come to a club if you were just going to sit at the bar on your phone?” He asked before taking another drag.

           I laughed and looked out into the street as a car drove by, “Don’t want to give anyone the impression that I chose to come here.” I shrugged my shoulders until my shoulders were touching my ears and then dropped them heavily. “My friend and her boyfriend dragged me here when I was more than happy getting drunk on my couch by myself.”

            He nodded taking the last drag of his cigarette. He flicked the butt of the cigarette on the bottom of his shoe a few times to make sure it was out. Once he was sure it was out, he flicked the butt into the street. “Then why don’t we get out of here then?”

           I took a step back, slightly offended, “Listen, I’m definitely not out here to try to get laid or anything. Don’t start thinking that I came out here because I want to suck your dick or something.” Not that I didn’t think he was one of the most attractive people I’ve ever laid my eyes on, I’m just not that kind of person.

           He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes while laughing. I could finally tell that he had chocolate brown eyes, and there was something in his eyes that made me just want to get lost in them. “Woah, okay.” He laughed again, “I wasn’t asking you to suck my dick, I was just asking if you wanted to leave. No sexual favors involved.” His laugh resonated in my ears, like I was listening to angels sing. There was something in my gut telling me to go with him, even though it could literally lead to a one hour special on Investigation Discovery.

           I pulled my phone from my pocket and texted Mikayla, “Hey, I am going to catch a ride home, I guess this isn’t going to be my cure after all. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” My phone made a wooshing sound as the message sent and I looked at the brown eyed man standing in front of me. “Sure, but I need to go pay for my drinks.”

           He pulled his keys out of his pocket, causing them to jingle, as I turned to walk back into the club. “Don’t worry about that, I already paid for them.”

           I stopped dead in my tracks and tilted my head a bit confused, and now slightly angry. Not even entirely sure why I was angry, the feeling just suddenly took over my whole body. I spun on my heels and took a few steps closer to him. “Why did you pay for my drinks? Did you know you were going to get me to go home with you, or what the fuck where you planning?”

           His eyes grew big as my sudden outburst of anger shocks him. “Uh, nope, not trying to do anything. I paid for your drinks because I was being nice to the attractive woman a few seats down from me at the bar. I wasn’t planning on taking anyone home with me, if that means anything to you. I was on the edge of trying to go home myself, just thought I’d like to talk to you in a more quiet setting. I’m sorry if that looks bad, I meant nothing bad of it.”

           My heart beat slowed as I realized I was literally acting crazy. Never in my life have I had a random guy pay for my drinks to be nice. As I took a deep breath I ran my finger and my thumb across my forehead, trying to send a silent message that I’m not always this insane. “I’m sorry, I just- never mind. I’ll follow you to your car and you can take me wherever you want to go, just get me away from this place, and please don’t murder me.”

           A smirk formed on his lips as he nodded and turned to walk away from the club. Even though I agreed to go with him, I still was reluctant to follow him. We were silent, the only sound between us being my heels clicking every time they made contact with the cement. I watched my feet so I wouldn’t fall, but looked up at him every so often. My mom would be losing her mind right now if she knew I was leaving a club with someone I’d literally never met. My phone vibrating consistently told me Mikayla was having an absolute panic attack. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and shut it off. “My name’s Calum, by the way.”

           My head flicked up to look at him, he was holding out his hand as if for a handshake. I placed my phone back in my pocket and looked into his deep brown eyes. “I’m Emily.” Our hands clasped together and I couldn’t help but notice how well they fit together. He smiled a wide smile and shook my hand once.

           “It’s very nice to meet you, Emily.”

Part II

[swordofchrist420]

Kathy Reviews Drinks And Drugs: Fling Rye Whiskey Mule

Ok so I’m a Moscow mule purist. Let that be said. I’m orthodox in many ways and that’s one of them. Ginger beer lime and some vod. Classic. But let’s jump right in.

The packaging is fine it’s nothing special especially in the world of canned cocktails. I do like that there’s funny animals wearing hats but that’s sort of a low bar for graphic design.

It’s 9% alcohol so that’s either plus or minus a point depending on how your night is going. Personally I like to hover at 5-6% so for me... docking a point.

The taste though. That’s what really drove me to resurrect Kathy Reviews... I literally have never been more sure about a description than the one in about to give. It literally LITERALLY tastes like this: whoa did somebody put whiskey in this Smirnoff ice?????????

I’ve had better canned cocktails and I’ve DEFINITELY had better mules. If you like whiskey maybe you will like this. But also I feel like if you like whiskey you just should drink whiskey instead of this. If you like Smirnoff ice you probably should just have a Smirnoff ice instead of this. But if you’ve always wanted to know what they taste like together... you COULD drink this but you also could just pour a shot of whiskey into an ice. Anyway.

[cosmiclatte28]

TenYong

Taeyong : why do people call me and the other lightweights as if it's a bad thing??? You paid 20 bucks to get drunk, i paid 5... isn't that a power move? Sorry you're jealous

Ten : Ok... but I am not picking your ass up off the bar floor after a jello shot and a smirnoff ice when you're crying.. like it's 9:30 we just got here ╰（‵□′）╯

Taeyong : *already a drunk mess from his first drink*

Ten : NOT AGAIN-

SuperM : You know what- we're continuing the night... you can bring him home

Ten : NOO!

Lucas : You eat a fruit or you bring Tae home *smirks*

Ten : *rolls up sleeve* FINE. *drags Tae home*

Mark : WOW.