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Some Marius/Pandora content from the Pandora draft at Tulane:
He set me down in the middle of this library, amid its couches and racks of scrolls. He stared at me. Beautiful Marius. I realized he was looking right at my nipples, at how pink they were, and then shamelessly he let his eyes wander over my entire form. I didn't realize yet that all wrinkles of age had been smoothed away. I knew only that I intoxicated with my new vision and that he desired me so much his heart was quivering in him. I reached over and pulled at his tunic. I pulled at the buckle he wore on his shoulder. "What are you doing." "I want to see you as well," I said. "I want to see this marvelous Osirian phallus, that is now no more than an ornament." He rebuckled his tunic. "Why do you cause me pain like this? Why?" "Because you treat me badly," I said. He stepped forward and clasped my face. He meant to kiss me. I wouldn't have it. "Look, master magician. Conjure up a tunic for me. It's not my habit to launch into religious debates while stark naked." He was poisoned by my words. It broke my heart to see how I had hurt him. I did not want to see the blood film rise in his eyes. But I knew his pain as if it had tentacles and they could surround me and draw me deeper and deeper to the core.
I fucking can't get over the concept of Marius as a fledgling trying to make sense of desire and thirst and sexuality. Pandora is so much more open about wanting to poke at it and figure it out and yet he's so burdened and traumatized already, so unable to be vulnerable. I wish we got more canon about this time phase of vampirism from other characters aside from David in the beginning of Merrick, it's really so underexplored!
#marius de romanus#pandora#new tales of the vampires#vampire chronicles#marius/pandora#the skateboard of shakespeare š¹#<- tulane tag#ANYWAY I AM SCREAMING#do we need a tag for#marius's osirian phallus#or no?
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I've been seeing a lot of knight posts recently. pretty great
#i really do agree we need a kneeling knight emoji i'd use the FUCK out of that#can i tag this 'chivalry' or perhaps 'arthuriana'#shann talks shit#chivalry#arthuriana#maybe even#paladin#edit: thanks to the people reblogging this i now know of knightposting#knightposting#second edit: listen I didnāt hv an oc in mind when I compiled this but I just remembered that I do hv a knight oc#morghen coded#compilation post
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couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead
#calne ca#hatsune miku#VOCALOID#cw: body horror#<- And I Fucking Mean That We Are Not Fucking Around Today#well we are. as in I drew this as a fuckaround treat for myself#but the body horror tag is the most warranted its ever been on this blog#ask to tag#I am as ever on my journey to make calne ca Worse. her OG version is too cool. even the crab ver is too cool#I need her to be worse to look at. I am also getting myself into to mood to test my hand at boarding a pmv for my friend's cover#I think my thought for this was ''I should try and give her a more insectoid bodyplan''#which in this mostly means gently three-part body and six limbs (my favourite amount of limbs to draw rn)#actually almost gave her eight but didnt like how that silhouette came out so I mermaided her uh. abdomen I guess#though maybe next time I do this I should push that idea more. the head and torso are still very distinct for one unified part#I feel like one of my old attempts was onto something with like. a more horizontal body plan... well! live and learn etc#happy late mid autumn I guess. I should play with touys about it... I miss model kits. mayhaps...
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Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.
Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).
Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader āā an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.
Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.
Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).
AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best āā if you've been wrong the whole time āā that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.
But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s
At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.
#mlp#yeah i wrote this last night during insomnia.#yeah i know an embarrassing amount of crap about this kids show#but whatever it's my hyperfixation i'll store as much useless information as i want!!!#i'm gay and neurodivergent i have an excuse#in case you needed more proof that aj's my favorite character#personal#delete later#unless you like this analysis stuff#i get why they didn't reveal aj's parent's death until way later and why they didn't do much with it but i wish they did#cuz narratively there could've been so much material with aj's grief. like. i feel like we gloss over the fact that she lost her#mother and father as a teenager#i tried keeping my personal hcs out of this to keep it unbiased#but i'll put some in the tags#involving rarijack āā i think aj can be (but not always) very self-conscious about her relationship with rarity#anxieties that she's not the right fit or that rarity will move away and leave her some day or that another woman will take her attention#(like in rollercoaster of friendship?? nudge nudge??). basic seperation anxiety stuff#long post#regarding applebloom whenever i think about her and her parents i think about that scene in steven universe where steven looks up at#a portrait of his mother and openly wonders what kind of sack lunches she would've made for him. that episode still fucks me up
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HAPPY VARENTINES DAY, ANGEL ! I've been facing some tech issues recently, but!! To celebrate Ren's birthday and Valentine's Day, I'll be releasing Day 5 (the Early Access version) for all the Beta Testers in a few days!
And for those who aren't part of the 14DWY Discord server, don't worry! The public version will be available for everyone to play once the beta testing period is over ^^
#I don't have internet right now because my service provider is ass </3 I fear we may be livetweeting from my campus wifi right now lmao /hj#Anyways!! For those unfamiliar with how the whole ''Day update'' releases work; it's as follows:#Beta Testers ā 14DWY Discord Server ā Public Release#I always feel bad for those who pay money to boost da server (or donate to my ko-fi); so I want to offer them early dev logs and game acces#But members can also become a Beta Tester for āØfreeāØ by chatting and reaching level 50 ā or by taking part in server events >:3#They get access to all dat + unique server perks (like special name colour; upload & emote/sticker perms; [REDACTED] pixels lmao; etc)#And just so that it's not too overwhelming for da folks on Discordā#āI don't think I'll make a Twitter/Bsky announcement until Day 5 is officially available for beta testers to play#Or... until I can find a new service/phone provider because an additional $40 a month is NAWT the vibe!!!!! T_T#I also do not want to drive 1.3 hours into the city just to use my uni's/McDonalds wifi hjgdgjdhjgd#But I fear this may be the price I need to pay to have extended wifi coverage to the middle of nowhere </3 /lh /silly#Oh lawd.... How am I going to upload the files to Itch........... T_T#Brb brawling and bawling a certain internet provider real quick <3#š ā 14 days with queue.#š¤ ā updates.#š¤ ā shut up sai.#I'll make a new rebloggable announcement + use the 14DWY tags once Day 5 is officially out!!
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I enjoyed every second of this quest
[This art has platonic intention. Thank you for not tag ship!]
#my art#genshin impact#genshinimpact#tighnari#genshin impact tighnari#daily tighnari#cyno#genshin impact cyno#please do not tag as ship thank you#i have too much words but nothing came out from my mouth#i. i love it so much šššššš#i am way too lazy to write everythin abt it#but gOSH WHEN SOME OF MY BRAINROT/HC BECOMES CANON#NO SPOILER BUT ?!?!?! EVERYTHING ABT THIS QUEST MAKES ME SO HAPPY#sethos ?!?!!! i love him. i need more cyno sethos interaction#i am so sleepy from work oh gosh but i already had idea for sethos comic/fanarr#SETHOS I HOPE HE ENJOYS CYNO'S PUNS#oh i swear if he laughs at cyno's jokes it IS SO OVER FOR ME#and WE GOT THE WHOLE CYNO FRIENDS I-#tighnari. can i talk abt tighnari.#no i wont i am lazy.#good night to them
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happy solvermas
#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas#quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on#v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene#implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship#and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever#im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it#but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months#i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now#been a long time since i've felt that#turns out the āstop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jistā approach wo#ks#something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas#it is taking. All of my restraint right now#to not be So Mean to all of you#You Don't Even Know#I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#murder drones cyn#i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts#oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way#the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are
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How did Treasure Planet manage to come up with the greatest aesthetic in all human history? Victorian elegance plus space-age flair, with just enough dirt and grime and wear and tear to make it feel real? A combination of traditional and computer animation that perfectly embodies the movie's blend of old and futuristic? How does it get any better than that?
#treasure planet#turned it on on a whim#because sylvia's lovers put me in the mood for sailing ship vibes#and it turns out it fits in really well with the north and south space opera i've been thinking about again#it's really hard for me not to give thornton a giant beautiful space sailing ship#(no you can't do it! the point is that they're industrial and purely functional!)#also i've got another post brewing about how treasure planet is an excellent boy's adventure coming-of-age story#and we need more of those because i feel like the genre doesn't exist in the same way these days#but i'm not sure i could say what i mean without getting folks up in arms#so i'm keeping it to the tags
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Guess who spent two days trying to understand how to draw a kiss
Based on amazing incredible gut wrenching Mistakes on Mistakes until..
#maccadam#transformers#fic fanart#momu fanart#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#SPOILERS IN THE TAGS š#LISTEN.#WHEN THEY GOT SEPARATED I WAS FULLY PREPARED TO WITNESS JAZZ BEING DIPPED IN ANGST#He said see you on the other side#and went for the run that had no āother sideā to end up with#figuratively#you know what I mean#Because this is what he regularly does. Not just in MOMU. Everywhere#Roses are red violets are blue Iām not afraid of death when it helps saving you#and just when I thought I know what is about to happen Prowl went for him?.???#YOU REMEMBER THAT POST WHERE āSOULMATES ARE STUPID I LOVE YOU ON PURPOSEā#THIS IS THEM#who needs love from the first sight and red strings of fate#Iām gonna fucking handcuff us together#WE DIE OR WE LIVE BUT WE DO IT TOGETHER#ALSO THE KISS?? The little āI do in fact love youā ??#KFKFJNVJGKGKFKFJFJFMFKFK
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arguably this is the funniest part about Jason in The Burning Maze:
#pjo#riordanverse#jason grace#trials of apollo#toa#toa spoilers#< do we still need to tag that its been years
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once again thinking about jason as dukeās robin. heās ~4 years younger than jason, and that puts him at 8-12 during Jasonās time as robin. thatās prime time to get attached to your local kid vigilante before your own life goes downhill.
and if we try to keep dukeās meeting with bruce in zero year + dukeās age (so he can remember the meeting and hold that conversation with bruce), he has to be around 8. if he starts following batman through the news at that time because of the mess that just happened, the robin he sees is probably jason. Iāve literally connected the dots
#we are not of course keeping zero year itself. what a mess.#maybe smth very similar so itās still the riddler causing mass chaos!#the titans so we actually keep the no robin physically present in the story part the same#look. if we want zero year convo we need to give bruce a robin at the time. it could be 17-18yr old whoās not even in gotham bc heās with#by time tim shows up heās already attached to jason#and then stephās robin suddenly for a bit but only for a bit. and then tim comes back but heās in bludhaven for a while#i do think duke would think steph is really cool tho. and they reasonably couldve met as civilians#and then dukeās busy bouncing around foster homes the streets and looking for his parents#i wanted to talk about how much i love it and the tags are just be working out a timeline for post crisis events & post flashpoint ones (an#some of dukeās important events are related to things which are no longer canon. such is life. letās do our best based on ages)#duke thomas#jason todd
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#surprise couple!#mf ship bracket#mf ship bracket 2023#bonus round#kylo ren#rey#reylo#anti-reylo#star wars#unsure how to tag these i've been relying wholly on amanda's research and fandom experience.#ummmmm#king charles#royal family#camilla parker bowles#parasites in chief in their idiot hats#full credit to amanda messaging me at 4am like āi think reylo could beat king charles and camilla. food for thoughtā#hope u guys enjoy <3#like i said. this is my little thought experiment#anti reylo tag here like . do we need anti monarchy too. sorry this one is hateful
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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The musical episode.
[First]Ā PrevĀ <ā->Ā Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin guangyao#nie mingjue#Remember jin guangyao: If you do any treachery you will face the wrath of five horses.#When are the horses going to come into play? You'll see.#s2.ep8 had beautiful music... I listened to it on loop while drawing!#Good music to chill out to before you fly into a rage.#This episode really cements how JGY's mind works - It is a matter of long-term outcomes at the sake of nearly everything else.#Morals do not matter to him if the outcome is more favourable.#and at the center of it all - he has learned that the only person he can truly trust is himself.#In turn - the only person his actions benefit are himself.#He will do anything and everything it takes to reach a position of power - not just for the power. But because it means safety.#Because it was something he was denied and the idea of not having control in his life again is unforgivable.#'Happiness' isn't a goal. We are looking at someone still stuck at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.#Everything and everyone is a piece in a game. Bonds and friendships are assets. People are dispensable.#He wants to climb for the sake of climbing. He wants praise and recognition because he feels it is deserved. It's all so hollow.#We could go deeper into his psyche on this.#But these are also tags under a comic in which 'evil penis music' is the punchline.
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Oh so when Nie Huaisang tricks a guy into stabbing his best friend to death it's ""justified revenge"" and ""very girlboss of him"" but when I, Xue Yang--
#mdzs spoilers#mo dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#the untamed#nie huaisang#lan xichen#xue yang#xiao xingchen#a joke post but also a post that's legitimately making a point tbh#like if we can understand how incredibly cruel it was of Xue Yang to do that to XXC#(and it was! I was literally covering my mouth in horror while reading it!)#we need to understand that it was equally cruel for Nie Huaisang to do it to Lan Xichen#and even if you think JGY just got what was coming to him (debatable!)#Lan Xichen had done literally NOTHING to deserve NHS making him live with that kind of guilt for the rest of his life#ranting in my tags but anyway
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Bad: I donāt think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of likeā¦ The real raw mental impact, so Iām gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with ā like your best friend ā BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what thatās like?
Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I donāt think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.
Bad: Iām not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. Iād do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because ā even knowing like, all the trauma and sufferingĀ and stuff like that ā because it was justā¦ It was just that fun, it was just that fun.
Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.
This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)
[ Full Transcript ā ]
āāā
Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, likeā but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...
Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chatā here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:
I donāt think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of likeā¦ The real raw mental impact, so Iām gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy Iāve given to every person who Iāve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebodyā [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?
Anywayā Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I saidāĀ I was giving them an analogy.Ā
Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you wereā¦ playing Minecraft, with likeā you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, āHey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies ā theyāre currently your best friend, Chip ā but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.ā Can you imagine what thatās like, Chip?
I donāt think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? Iām not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but itā Chip ā but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where youāre second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! Youāre thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And thatās the problem, Chipā is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you donāt understand Chipā I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chipā mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But hereās the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. Iām genuinely likeā
I remember thinking Chip, that I would one dayā I was like, āIām going to move pastāā here, letās go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, āIām gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like Iāll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesnāt have to be underground.ā But I donāt think itās possible now Chip, because I thinkā¦ I just donāt know. I feel like the paranoiaā thereās still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.
But hereās the problem Chip: I donāt think I donāt thinkā I donāt think people understand it. Like, I just really donāt. But I also donāt blame them Chip, ācuz I donāt think itās possible to fully understand it if you havenāt lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMPā¦ Iām talking about the QSMP, I donāt- I donāt know if that was obviousā if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I donāt think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I donāt think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, itās just one of those things thatā
[Heās interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]
Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming outā¦? But anyway, Chip. Thatās the food for thought.
But thatās the problemā Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But thatās the pointā Iām not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. Iād do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again.Ā
[He falls down] Dangit, donāt come over here Chip, ācuz Iām coming back up! Ok.
I would still do it all over again, because ā even knowing like, all the trauma and sufferingĀ and stuff like that ā because it was justā¦ It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wiā I donāt think itās ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I donāt think itās ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.
Becauseā¦ because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, likeā itās sort of emotionally likeā¦ Itās emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through thatā and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to aā see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, Iāll talk it over with them and be like, āHey, what do you think about this?ā Because I genuinely think on one level, likeā itās created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, itās- itās a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.
Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still likeā there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didnāt want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.
But at the same point, I donāt regret it, and I donāt think it was a bad experience. IāmāĀ
Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that youāre like, āYou know what, maybe this wasnāt a good thing that this happened,ā but at the same point, you still arenāt necessarily upset about it, becauseā¦ itās like growing as a person, right? Hereās the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Likeā
Even if youāre going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesnāt mean that only bad things have to come from that. Thatās one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be thatā you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think thereās a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, youāre not the only person whoās experienced it. You know what I mean?
#Badboyhalo#BBH#Bad#QSMP#January 8 2025#Edited#I know folks are going to add their two cents on this subject in the tags / comments / replies (and as always you're welcome to do that)#But for the sake of my sanity please don't be an asshole to any of the CCs / ex-admins / fellow fans / anyone else. Thanks#Most folks here don't need a ''Don't be a dumbass'' reminder but I had to block someone for that earlier and it was a bit disappointing#This is going to be a Tumblr exclusive clip because I don't trust Twitter to have common sense or common decency about this topic#Tumblr exclusive#Anyways business aside ā that black line on the side is just part of Bad's stream btw. He just Has That#Took too long for this to render otherwise I'd edit it out because it's annoying#I'm just realizing this screenshot doesn't even have Dapper OTL but it's the best one I have so I gotta work with what I got#Honestly; I still miss QSMP dearly... I love the core intent of the project and the multicultural exchange#I love all the language barriers that were broken and I loved all the stories that were told and watching beautiful friendships bloom#But I am still so angry and disappointed about how things ended and all the poor communication and the admin situation as a whole#It's a complicated feeling#I agree with pretty much everything Bad says here#It's ironic that he uses that analogy because I've said almost the exact same thing when explaining why losing any Egg was so devastating#We weren't just mourning for the characters. We were mourning for the admins too#I'll never forget that last stream with Tazercraft and Richas; and Pac ending stream in tears#I wish they'd done away with the Egg life system. I wish they'd done a lot of things differently#If the project ever does come back in some shape or form I hope they are more transparent about things and have better communication#I dunno how I'd feel personally. They would have to do a lot of work regaining people's trust#And frankly I don't think they'll ever regain that trust from a large portion of the community#I remember near the start of QSMP I saw a comment from a fan that simply said ''QSMP; please don't leave me feeling bitter''#I think about that comment a lot
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