#do we like more time spent in the show??? in the studio??? outside of both doing random stuff???

[veniteme]

Hunting for Gems

episode 6

ash island x reader

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When Ash Island is forced to participate as a producer for the latest season of Show Me the Money, he knows it won’t be easy. But when his partner is you, a rising producer from H1GHR, maybe it won’t be as bad as he thought.

--------------------------

Show Me the Money X Episode 6 - Team Selection

Producer performances have finished, and the competition continues! Which producer team will each rapper choose to join?

Are you hoping for anyone specific to join your team?

Saf: Not really, I'm just excited to finally start working some music with these guys.

Ash Island: She is absolutely lying. She's waited five episodes for Gunho to join our team.

Saf: (to Ash) You really think he'll choose us?

Ash Island: He'd be an idiot not to. You've spent all this time chasing him.

-----

All the producers are placed into a large room with four couches in a line. These couches also align with four doors, each one with a producer team's name written above it.

The producers take their seats and await further instruction. Contestants will be called one at a time, in order of increasing fight money. If the producer team wants to recruit this rapper, they'll stand in front of the door.

On the other side, the contestant will also choose which producer team to go to. If both the producer team and the contestant choose each other, the match is successful.

Contestants that fail to make a match will be put into "Reserve" status. Reserves can look for another match once all rappers have gone through the selection process.

Ultimately, each producer team will have four rappers on their team. If a producer continues to match after filling their roster, they must select a rapper to send into Reserve.

Reserves only have one chance at a re-match. If they fail again, they will be eliminated. Once all Reserves are eliminated, or all producer teams declare their door closed, Team Selection will complete.

-----

"This sounds complicated," Saf says to Ash on their two-person couch.

"Not really," Ash replies. "Stand if you like them, sit if you don't. That's all it is."

"Well what if I like them, but they don't like me?" she worries. "How will I live with the shame?"

"Oh, please," Ash says, brushing off her concern. "I've been rejected plenty of times, you'll be fine."

At that last statement, Saf furrows her eyebrows. "What girl in her right mind would reject you?" She looks as if she genuinely could not fathom anyone not wanting Ash.

But this is neither the time nor the place to be dissecting this.

"You'd be surprised," he says.

And the show goes on, with rapper after rapper being called up to the doors.

"Our next contestant will be Lee Gunho."

Saf immediately turns to Ash. "Are you gonna get up there?"

Ash resists the part of him that wants to give in to her every request. "No, he's your recruit. You should be the one to stand in front of him," he tells her instead.

"But-"

"We all know we're gonna argue," Ash interrupts, "but we all know I'm gonna win. So just go up, because I know you're not gonna risk losing this kid now."

Rendered speechless, Saf begrudgingly makes her way to the door. Sending Ash her best stink face she says, "I hope you realize the only one left to pick up the broken pieces of my heart if Gunho rejects me is you."

"I'm literally not worried about that at all," Ash deadpans. He wouldn't have sent you up alone if he'd thought there was any chance Gunho wouldn't be on the other side.

-----

"The team Lee Gunho has selected is...!"

You beam from ear to ear as you see Gunho on the other side as your door slides open.

You rush over and give him a hug as you say, "Welcome to the team! We're so excited to have you on board."

Ash has come up behind you and shakes his hand once you've let him go. "Thanks for choosing us, man. Looking forward to working with you."

The two of you return to your seats, Ash with a smug look on his face.

"Stop looking like that," you say to him.

Ash widens his eyes innocently. "What? This is just my face."

"Well I don't like it, so put it away," you respond.

“I'll be sure to wear a mask for the next filming," Ash says drily.

"But then what else would the viewers have to look forward to seeing each week?"

-----

"Is it just me or is she flirting with him?"

"No, she's definitely flirting. And he is definitely fumbling."

"For real, he had a perfect opportunity right there."

"Guys," Ash starts, "even if you tune into the show every week, do you really have to watch it in my studio?"

"Of course we do!" Hash answers back.

Leella chimes in, "We want you to be able to fully witness that we support you in this new endeavor."

Ash rolls his eyes. "Q forced me to do this, don't act like this show is my current passion project."

Changmo grins. "Oh we weren't talking about the show."

-----

"Can you relax?"

"I didn't even say anything!" you refute.

You and Ash are waiting for everyone else to arrive for your first team meeting. At the end of filming you guys ended up with Gunho, Caylo, and two other rappers named Hyejin and Del on your team.

Ash answers back, "Didn't have to. Your thoughts are loud enough.

"You're worried they'll hate us, that I'll scare them off, they'll hate our songs, and or that they'll petition to leave the show after today. Am I right?"

You give him a sad glare. "You left out the song going horribly wrong and I cause the downfall of four careers that haven't even started yet."

Ash seems to consider that idea. "Does your brain just automatically conjure up these scenarios or do you have to actively work at it?"

You scowl at him. "I'm serious!"

"Well, so am I!" he defends. "It'll be fine. Of all the possibilities running through your head, the most likely one is that they'll all get along, and the only thing they'll fight about is which one of them will get the seat next to you."

You let out a laugh, trying to ignore how his occupying the seat on your other side sounded like a given.

-----

"Do you think he realizes you're madly in love?"

"Man, I hope not."

-----

For your first team meeting, you and Ash agreed on taking the contestants out shopping. A lot could be said about someone's rap style from their fashion choices.

Del opted into a laid-back, casual look.

Hyejin went for bold and bright.

Caylo's outfit was trendy and unique.

Gunho dressed very minimalist without accessories.

It really seemed you worried for nothing; everyone was getting along just fine and seemed to be enjoying themselves.

You and Hyejin had somehow found a moment away from all the boys and the camera crew.

"Okay, I've been dying to ask you this all day," Hyejin whispers. "What's going on with you and Ash? Are you guys actually dating?"

You let out a small laugh. "What? Does it look like we're dating- actually, don't answer that. No, we are not. Ash is very sweet, but he's not into me."

"How about you then?" she probes. "Are you interested in him?"

"I..." you give your answer some thought. "...hold him in high regard," you say with some finality.

"But-"

A shout from down the aisle cuts your conversation short. "Where are you guys?"

This interaction would just have to be filed away for over-analyzation by you and Rohan later.

-----

Round 5: Song Mission

The hit-making song mission begins anew! Every team of four will perform their song to a voting crowd of 25 professional hip hop artists and 75 fans.

The two teams with the least amount of votes will each have to eliminate one member, who will also not feature on the official release of the song.

Which team are you looking forward to seeing?

Celebrity Panelist, Crush: I'm actually a fan of Saf, so I'm excited to see what she and Ash Island have come up with together.

In his interview, Crush said he's Saf's fan and wants to hear your guys' song.

Saf: Did he really? (looks over at Ash with her mouth covered)

Ash: We can go meet him later if you want.

Saf: Are you serious right now?

Ash: It's like you've never met a celebrity before.

Saf: What do you mean? I met you.

-----

During rehearsals, everyone puts their all into making this stage worth it. This could be the last day on the show for any one of them.

You watch and give critiques to your team wherever you can as a viewer, but your limited stage experience can only go so far.

Saf: This was the most thankful I've been to have Ash in this as my partner.

Ash: Really? After the infinite number of fail buttons I pressed in the second round? This is where you show your appreciation?

Saf: (ignoring Ash) He's performed on so many stages, large and small, since his debut. And he was on a survival show, too, just like our team members. He even made messed up his lyrics on the show-

Ash: You did not need to mention that-

Saf: Anyway, it's nice to have someone that can relate to how they're feeling. Someone that knows all the different emotions they'll go through on that stage and that is able to help them navigate through it. And there isn't anyone else better than Ash for that job.

Ash: Of course there isn't. I'm the complete package.

-----

With every competition, there are always winners and losers. Unfortunately this time around, Saf and Ash's team end up as the losers.

Coming in fourth with the lowest number of votes, they must choose a member to eliminate.

Under whispered promises to him of a future remix of the song with him in it, the two young producers say goodbye to Del. Contrary to his usually laidback personality, he had been very nervous for today, and it showed in his performance.

Ash: It really is hard to let go of teammates. We spent all that time together, rehearsing, building synergy, getting to know each other. Just to have to part. But this isn't the end. I of all people know that there is life after the show ends. We'll see each other again.

-----

The conclusion of the Song Mission means the start of the next round of competition: the infamous Diss Battles!

Two teams just suffered a loss, will they be able to catch up to today's winners? Find out next time!

[heich0e]

tomura tries to sneak out of your apartment one morning before you wake up, because he has to get all the way back to his apartment before his dad shows up to take him to a 9AM yoga class.

god forbid he be forced to explain:

a) why he slept over at an apartment that was not his own to his father (toshinori would be calling wedding venues and asking his assistant to look into your ring size before they'd even made it to the yoga studio)

nor b) the fact that he was going to a fucking yoga class at 9 o'clock in god damn the morning with his dad, to you.

he slips out of your bed soundlessly, moving as carefully as possible not to wake you. it pains him to do it. really, it does. your sheets are warm, and soft, and smell like you. and you're still there resting so peacefully, tucked under them, breathing soundly with your face burrowed into the collar of his hoodie that you'd worn to bed the night before. you look so pretty like this, tomura had spent at least half an hour just staring at you while he was laying next to you in your treacherously comfortable bed, and would have happily spent another hour more doing it.

there are very few forces on earth that could tear tomura out of bed like this, but the mortifying prospect of having to explain to his over-enthusiastic father that he has a girlfriend is certainly one of them.

he creeps out of your room and into the bathroom, splashing some cool water on his face and using the lotion that you keep next to the sink that makes his skin feel so nice. you started buying a bigger bottle lately, now that the two of you are both using it, and you never mentioned it but tomura still noticed when the little tube was replaced by a larger version of the same product. next he reaches for the toothbrush that he's started keeping next to yours, double checking the hour on his phone to make sure he wasn't running out of time.

he contemplates stealing one last peek at you in bed before he leaves, but he knows that if he doesn't leave now he won't have time to change his clothes before his dad shows up outside his place, so he heads straight to your front door once he's done in the washroom.

you're standing in his path before he can get to it.

you've got a blanket wrapped around your shoulders, but he can still see the soft skin of your thighs where the hem of his hoodie hangs peeking out from underneath the edges of it. there's a little frown tugging the corners of your mouth down.

tomura freezes in his tracks.

"going somewhere?" you ask him, your voice quiet and a little bit hoarse from sleep.

oh, fuck.

"morning," he mumbles, a bit nervously, as you pin him in your stare.

"it is," you reply, as though agreeing with him. "early, even. so why are you sneaking out of my apartment like a burglar?"

tomura rakes a hand through his sleep-mussed hair. "i, uh, gotta be somewhere."

"you have to be somewhere?" you repeat, a bit incredulously—like the words don't quite compute. you don't seem mad at all, just thoroughly bewildered by the whole strange situation. "tomu, we went three rounds last night and you're awake before two PM on a weekend. are you okay?"

"'course i'm okay," he rushes to get out, tripping over his words.

"did I like... do something? or is there someone el—"

"are you kidding?" tomura's voice cracks and he wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole. he reaches out and grabs the edge of the blanket you have wrapped around you, his fingers twisting into it desperately. he knows you can't possibly—can't reasonably—think that he's seeing anybody else when the fact that he even landed someone like you is an honest to god miracle. the kind of underdog success story they make multi-part docuseries on.

tomura groans, shuffling forward and resting his forehead against your shoulder as he snakes his arms underneath the blanket around your frame to hold you close.

"you're being weird, tomu," you say quietly, brushing your fingers through his hair and letting your nails drag lightly against his scalp in that way that makes him want to shiver.

"fuck, I know, I know,"—he buries his face further into the crook of your neck, breathing in shakily—"'m not being sketchy or anything."

"you are," you remark lightly. "it's not that I don't trust you, I'm just confused."

tomura mumbles something, but the words are lost to the skin of your throat.

"what was that?" you ask.

tomura steels his nerve and takes one last long breath buried against your warmth. he pulls away and faces you.

"I have to go to a yoga class with my dad."

he loses his nerve about halfway through his admission, his eyes flickering away from yours to a point on the wall just above your front door, as a violent heat surges through his cheeks.

"a yoga class?"

he knows it sounds ridiculous. it is ridiculous. it may have been more believable to tell you he was going to hook up with someone el—

"why didn't you just say that?" your laughter cuts through his spiralling thoughts like a morning alarm.

his gaze snaps back to you, only to find you smiling softly.

"you... you're not...?" tomura isn't even sure what he's going to say. mad? surprised? convinced he's lying?

"i mean, i've noticed you've been looking kind of toned lately, but honestly i thought it's because we've been fucking so much," you scrunch your nose up a little. "yoga makes sense on both counts, though."

you turn and look across your apartment to the clock hanging on the wall.

"what time's your class?" you ask him, suddenly worried that this impromptu interrogation may have made him late. "i didn't mean to—"

tomura grabs either side of the blanket wrapped around your shoulders and tugs you forward, pressing his mouth to yours while your lips are still parted in speech.

(he doesn't make it to class that morning after all.)

[cheriladycl01]

I'm not scared! Colby Brock x MotoGPDriver! Reader Part 4

Plot: You made a tweet about Sam and Colby and were in a podcast and they brought up Sam and Colby where you talked about the paranormal and how it doesn't really scare you because you drive motorcycles at over 200mph.

Credit to misscalliopecruz for the GIF

You didn't realize just how easy it was for Sam and Colby to make calls to these haunted locations and be given permissions to film investigations.

You'd been set up for literally 3 days time which made you guys feel even more excited as it was such short notice. Colby and Sam spent the time charging all the equipment, booking hotels and doing all the admin stuff you'd offered to help them with but they'd refused saying you should try and get a few good nights of sleep while you could, so you stayed in your flat making sure you had a comfy enough outfit ready to go in.

Colby had practically begged you to wear their merch, so of course you took the hoodie he'd given to you. You'd planned to wear it with a pair of bootleg jeans as even though it was very clearly British Time you gathered in the middle of the night in an old creepy castle it would get cold. Which is why you were thankful for the hoodie rather than a top as the piece of merch Colby gifted you.

You kind of wanted to make Colby and Sam wear some of you Red Bull Merch but thought maybe that was going a bit too far so you left them packed away in the rucksack you were going to be taking with you.

You had a later night on the day before the investigation so you were able to stay up till around 4 or 5am, ending up waking up for around 11am. You did your morning workout before getting something to eat and had a slow evening before meeting up with the boys.

"Are you okay driving?" Colby asks as you all walk down to the car park of the hotel they were staying in.

"Any reason, or just because I'm the better driver?" you smirk, knowing full well you were the better driver.

"I just don't like driving in the UK, it's way more complicated than the US, those roundabouts... wild things!" he jokes, even though there was some truth to it.

"Yeah sure, I don't mind... but If I'm driving its my Spotify playlist on shuffle..." you reason and they both nod agreeing, not petty enough to start a disagreement over music, especially when you guys would probably have similar music tastes.

The drive to the castle was fun, you were all talking about the history you guys had researched and what was there.

When you pulled up, you got this zing of excitement down you spine.

"Guys, I'm really excited for this" you exclaim looking back at them getting all the stuff out the car while you were in awe of the building.

It was a huge location and you already knew that the boys would challenge you to go somewhere alone because of how big it was.

The boys got out their camera and you waited off to the side as they did their intro.

"What's up guys its Sam and Colby and today we are here a Dannamore Castle in the UK, one of the most haunted Castles in the world!" Colby says with that normal cryptic sort of look on his face.

"And as you guys probably expected from our recent trip to see out good friend, today we have Y/N Y/L/N here with us!" Sam introduces panning the camera round to you making you smile and bunch up closer to them.

"Hey!" you grin and the boys turn to you.

"Okay for those who don't know Y/N is a MotoGP rider to she basically rides motorbikes really quickly round race-tracks for a living and she's really good at it too. The reason she is here is because she said she wouldn't be scared to come onto one of our videos and we really want to put that to the test" Colby mentions and you blush at the praise, entirely used to but it still got you every time.

They cut the cameras after showing the outside of the area saying that they'd be filming a lot of the history out-takes in their studio at home and having watched their videos you knew what they meant.

Two men and a lady came out, one was the caretaker, another was a tour guide and the other a medium of sorts that worked with the place.

Sam and Colby started to talk to the caretaker that would help in showing you round later when you walked off.

You thought you saw something dash out the corner of your eye, Sam and Colby were too busy listening too all the ins and outs of the area, what rooms you didn't have access to which in this particular castle wasn't actually that many just the unsafe spaces where the wooden flooring had gotten too old and they hadn't rebuilt it yet.

"Where's your friend?" the caretaker asks seeing that the girl wasn't where she had been a minute ago.

The others look around trying to see if you were behind the car or near the entrance but you were nowhere in sight.

"Y/N?" Colby yelled out. Sam following with a shout of his own name.

"Yeah?" you ask walking from behind a stone wall that ran behind the castle into the gardens.

"Where did you run off to?" Sam asks and the caretakers also look intrigued.

"Something caught the corner of my eye and I wanted to see if anyone else was on the property" you shrug your shoulder making Sam look to the now turned on camera Colby had, as they had started to film the minute the group were aware that you were missing.

"You just left, because you saw something?" Colby asks and you nod, making Sam chuckle. They cut the cameras, giving you a small run down of the castle, which rooms you guys weren't allowed it and when you guys had to leave by.

They also further explained not having got there before that it would just be you guys in there tonight, the caretaker however stays in the barn that was technically 'on the property' but not inside the castle just for legal purposes.

"So this is the centre of the castle. Back in the day, all residents from the Dannamore family and their friends would have been around here as this was and still is a hub" the tour guide smiles as you all look around the expanse of the hall.

"Who was part of the Dannamore Family, I'm guessing we'll meet some of them tonight?" you smile asking intrigued.

"Well Drake Dannamore has always been the most present spirit we have here. He is the original resident of the castle" she starts and you all nod.

"Is he cool?" Colby asks making you turn to him in shock. How is he referring to a like 1000 year old spirit as cool.

"He's a kind spirit yes. Y/N you'll get most the activity from him, he's the protector of this house... practically the women" she smiles.

"Really? Why's that?" Sam asks.

"Well, Drake..." she starts and you guys hear a knock from the back of the room making you all look there and the guide and caretaker laugh a little.

"I think he's here with us!" she smiles looking around before continuing.

"He married Valisa Dupont a French Lady from a wealthy family. Their family gifted and built this castle as a sign of their gratitude for Drake protecting Valisa. However, Valisa did not love Drake and apparently she became very spiteful towards him. She would cheat on him with the bakers boy who worked and lived in the home. She neglected their children making Drake exhausted" she starts and you feel a sort of overwhelming sadness wash over you. Enough for you to reach up and hold you chest.

"Vasila attempted to kill Drake but ended up mistakenly poisoning his sister Darcey. He ended the relationship with her, and she was livid. He moved on and married Bianca, who mysteriously died one night after saying for years she felt like she was being watched. People working in the castle at the time reported that Vasila killed Bianca out of jealously. Drake was in anguish and after that refused to marry again. He tried to protect Bianca as much as possible thinking Vasila was terrorizing her. After that its said that Drake either pushed her or she threw herself from the east tower, falling to her death" she finishes and you all look in shock.

"So he protects females that come into the castle from Vasila, who i'm guessing remains here as a negative energy because he feels like he needs to do what he couldn't do for Bianca?" you ask and a creak or footsteps was heard from above making all your heads snap up.

"I'd take that as a yes!" Colby laughs making you laugh as well.

"So this is an active place for all the spirits?" Sam asks looking around.

"Not all, but most. Drake can be found here along with his children who are also protectors of the home. Bianca is also here who is a very friendly and kind spirit. But its not just people who have lived in the castle. There's portals here too" the caretaker answers showing the mirrors that were facing each other.

"Woah?" you say stepping closer to Colby where the mirrors are.

"So what do we need to be wary of?" Colby asks.

"Vasila, of course. She doesn't like any-one male or female. She's been known to touch and scratch and make lots of loud noises but she's only in certain areas of the house like the tower and the pantry room" she explains.

"Because of her relationship with the baker boy?" Sam asks and she nods.

"Y/N you'll need to be extra careful of the baker boy" she admits and you look off to the left.

"Why?"

"He doesn't like ... dominant women!" she exclaims looking down, making you frown with a small laugh.

"I'm a dominant woman?" you ask with a laugh.

"Just like your presence, the tattoos, biker personality and just your aura she means, your head strong which is something Madison didn't like" the medium says for the first time since being here.

"Madison?" Sam asks.

"The baker boy, that was his name Madison!" he answers.

This would make for an interesting night!

Taglist:

@richardsamboramylove55 @braveangel777 @rockwyu @jada-lockwood @itzdarling

[lost-technology]

SEEDS Security Codes and Why They Matter

So, I've been thinking about one of the details in Trigun: Stampede that was not present in either '98 or the manga. In '98, Knives just hacking into the SEEDS codes was left as-is. He walked up to Captain Joey and shot him and apparently took his pilot's seat. Did the Captain have the navigation open at the time? Was it closed and Knives had to do some hacking? Anyway, there, he did it on his own. Now, in Trigun Maximum, which treats Vash and Knives' childhood differently (just Rem there raising them), there is a foreshadowing of what is to come. In Volume 6, Rem is depicted waking up to an emergency signal in the middle of her sleeping-hours. (Aw, she sleeps in her regular clothes, mom-jeans and all...). Panicked, she yells at Knives for him and Vash to lock themselves in their rooms and not to come out or speak up for ANY reason, even if they hear voices outside. She tries to handle the situation, but it goes from bad to worse and the automatic crew-wakening protocol goes into effect, which she is very concerned about (for reasons that we who have read the manga know about)!

In the beginning of Volume 7 the crew wakes up, there's a situation-update. The ships are going off-course and will collide if things are not corrected. They're working through the issues and suddenly, there's an unknown factor that kicks in to correct the course. Rem then gets the crew all settled back in again for nappy-time... And proceeds immediately to Vash and Knives, where she scolds Knives with (Rem's angry mom-face, my beloved)! Knives was playing around with the ship codes and systems. He'd apparently hacked his way into the system and was curious about SEEDS' functions. (One would assume that Rem changed some of the codes after this, but I bet they were in some kind of hacking-war, with her trying to stay one step above curious Plant-twins). Knives did not mean to nearly cause a catastrophe, but this shows that he can and is a foreshadowing to when he DOES mean to cause one later. Now, in Trigun Stampede, it is stated by Nai / Knives that Vash gave him the ship-codes, also that he spent a lot of time and trouble changing the codes for every human ship. (The manga lists the ship they are born on as the Mothership, presumably guiding the entire fleet, in Stampede, it is just Ship 5, which implies multiple guides with multiple navigators). I am wondering where Studio Orange is going with this. Will it be a situation like the manga where the kids are just playing around? Little prank-war with Rem? Maybe Vash is sharing a ship code innocently, as part of their games? Or is it going to be darker, more sinister? I wonder if Vash was originally of the thought of "maybe we need to crash the ships and kill all humans (except Rem) because they're scary and dangerous because of what happened to Tesla" and then had a change of heart and backed out of it? - I can see that happening... him having his cathartic alone-time with Rem as in the manga and then talking things out with Nai and thinking that they weren't going to go through with it. And then Nai betrays him. I've been wondering about the guilt Vash carries over the Big Fall in Stampede. Is it an unnecessary, undue guilt like he seems to have about a lot of things? Or is there a guilt born from "I had originally planned disaster / we had originally planned disaster" and it came true even after he'd backed out? It's just that... in both '98 and Maximum, he does carry his cross (that is not Wolfwood's), but he seems to feel less specifically guilty over this (the Big Fall). He's really more like "Knives, how could you do this to everyone / Rem?!" He just seems more guilt-ridden in Stampede than in the other media and I am wondering if there is a dark secret behind it. I can see it going either way.

[navybrat817]

Muse

Pairing: Artist!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky is thankful to have you as his muse. Word Count: Over 1.1k Warnings: Fluff, kissing, light insecurities if you squint, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes and he's in love (and he’s a warning, okay?). A/N: Nix was kind enough to send me an old edit she made and I ran with it for @the-slumberparty 's Across the Universe challenge. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, but any and all mistakes are my own. Banner by the lovely @sgt-seabass and divider by the amazing @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky Barnes hadn't expected to find solace in art when he was younger. It seemed more like a path that his best friend Steve would take, though both of them appreciated expressing themselves creatively. Life also taught him that his road came with unexpected bumps and turns. Trading guns for brushes and pencils after he left the army, art helped him process some of his emotions he long kept at bay. It showed him how to look at life from a different perspective. In some ways, it saved him.

Like you did.

"Mmm."

The moan you let out drew Bucky's gaze up from his sketchpad, smiling softly as you stretched your legs out under the sheets. As tempted as he was to rouse you with his tongue, he decided to let you sleep since he already woke you once in the middle of the night. It wouldn't be the first time he sketched you while you slept.

The pad in his hand was already filled with drawings of you, but one more wouldn't hurt. Over the hours and days spent with you, he studied and learned your body well. He had other sketches and paintings of you in various angles and lightning. Those would never be sold.

Some art that existed was for the artist alone.

The pencil began to move across the paper once more when you didn't stir. If you woke up and caught him drawing you again, you'd shake your head and tell him he had more than enough. He disagreed.

There was beauty in his surroundings, but they paled in comparison to you.

"Bucky," you whispered, sending a shiver of excitement down his spine. Like the color red, you speaking his name invoked deep, intense passion within him. He saw hues in brighter shades thanks to you. "Come back to bed."

"I'm almost finished," he promised.

"You drawing me again?" you mumbled, bringing your hand up to cover your yawn as he kept sketching. "You have enough and I'm a mess."

"Maybe. Maybe not," he teased with a tender smile when your eyes opened halfway. "And you're not a mess. You're beautiful."

And it’ll never be enough.

"Careful, James," you teased back, arching your back as you stretched. "Keep smiling and sweet talking and they'll take away your brooder card."

"We can't have that," he winked.

When Bucky decided to pursue art outside of a hobby, he hadn't meant to become a brooding recluse on purpose. He simply preferred solitude while he worked and he valued his privacy. While he was encouraged to promote his work on social media to help build more clientele, he never showed his face. He let his art speak for itself. It worked.

It was how he came to meet you.

Before he met you in person, you were his favorite customer. You bought multiple pieces and left the kindest comments on his page. He often went back to reread them when he got lost in his own head.

"While there are many beautiful pieces of art in the world, Bucky Barnes gives us work that defines, and defies, beauty. His art can move you to tears or give you hope of brighter days ahead. We're privileged that he chooses to share his vision with us and one can only hope to see the world as he sees it."

He may have moved you with his visuals, but you moved him with your words.

"I have to meet her," he told Steve when you commissioned a custom piece.

Steve couldn't believe it since Bucky hardly ever let anyone into his studio. He said it was the least he could do for someone who consistently showed him support. He wouldn't admit at the time how nervous he was to meet you. Or why he felt so compelled to see the person behind the name since he refused to look for you on social media.

He realized that day it was destiny to meet you.

The artist and the muse.

"Back to bed," you ordered, moving the sheets back as he set his pencil and pad down. He used the opportunity to gaze along your naked frame bathed in the soft light, lingering between your thighs. "Please, Bucky?

"Who am I to deny my muse?" he smirked, slowly standing from his stool to stretch. His sweatpants hung low on his hips and he had thrown his dark hair up in a bun to keep it out of his eyes. "Especially when you look at me like that."

I'm littered with scars and you gaze at me like I have no imperfections.

"Have you seen you? You're gorgeous," you said, patting the mattress for him to sit.

“Not as gorgeous as you.”

“Take the compliment, brooder,” you said with a sleepy grin.

When he took a seat with a chuckle, you stopped him before he could lay over you. Instead, you took his right hand and had him stay in place as began to gently massage it. You commented more than once about how long and thick his fingers were and how warm to the touch they were against your skin. Working at his hand in tiny circles, you carefully rubbed out any tension you sensed. While you focused on the task at hand, he took another minute to gaze at you in wonder.

My beautiful muse.

"There," you said, kissing his palm once you finished.

"Thank you," he said, resting the same hand over your heart.

He watched and felt your chest rise as you inhaled. The steady beat grounded him. He was lucky enough for you to let him paint you with his love.

Inside and out.

"Do you ever regret it?" he asked as he traced a small heart on your chest.

Your forehead scrunched as you looked at him. "Regret what?"

"Choosing me," he whispered.

You had a chance to live a life of luxury and you walked away from it for me. Do you regret following your heart when you could've had so much more with him?

You exhaled as you pushed yourself up to face him and placed your hands on both cheeks, making sure he was looking into your eyes. "I will never regret choosing you or being yours," you whispered back.

Bucky's eyes softened as he smoothed his left hand down your back and dropped a kiss to your mouth. He lost himself in the feel of your lips and tongue, an exchange of desire he only got to experience with you. He didn't live a life of glamor, but he would forever give you a life of love.

"Now use me as your canvas," you said as the kiss ended.

Like Bucky said, who was he to deny his muse?

I love Bucky in love. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[starwarsmum]

Day 12 brings the 2nd chapter of An Evening in Metropolis! Prompt is I Accept

@maribat-calendar-events

The dance floor was crowded, but Marinette didn't mind. She was swaying closely with Jon's friend, Damian, and his taller frame was keeping those closest to them a safe distance apart. She was mildly light headed and giggly but she couldn't tell if that was from the drinks she had consumed or the Adonis who had his arms wrapped around her.

They had spent well over an hour chatting at the bar before she had asked if he wanted to dance. She knew there was a good chance he'd say no; Jon had looked worried when she was getting in Damian's face, like he was worried his friend would get angrier than he already was. So when he said yes she was absolutely thrilled and was currently trying to convince her brain not to get carried away with naming future children and pets.

“Will you be staying in Metropolis for long?” Damian murmured into her ear. 

“Just for tonight,” she admitted, leaning back slightly so he could see her pout. “And I have to be up stupidly early to get to Gotham so I can meet my uncle’s old friend.”

“You are spending some time in Gotham?” He asked, face unreadable as she nodded. 

“My uncle has an old school friend and his kid wants to commission something from me,” she continued. “It's a bit of a hassle but I'm still relying on word of mouth connections for commissions and I find it easier to design for someone if I'm in person. So I'm eating with them all tomorrow for lunch.”

“Will you stay in Gotham for long after that? Because I live in Gotham and would be more than happy to show you around,” he said, squeezing her hips gently.

The song ended and they decided to step off the dancefloor to get a drink and talk some more. She was about to take hold of his hand again when he wrapped his arm around her waist and steered her towards the bar. When they both had a new drink in hand, Marinette leaned back against the bar and looked up at him.

“I was planning to stay for a week, maybe? I don't have anywhere else to be right now and Jagged offered me to stay at his penthouse if I don't want to use a hotel,” she said at last. “But I don't want to get to his place so late tonight so Alya's letting me crash in her studio apartment. It's not ideal but I've slept worse places than my best friend's floor.”

“Tt, you could always come to Gotham tonight and stay at my father's home,” he told her, looking down at her. “There is plenty of space, and you would not be the only woman present as my favourite sister Cassandra is currently home.”

“I mean, I would love not to have to try getting up at five in the morning to catch the train. Are you sure it wouldn't be a problem for me to stay?” Marinette was excited and ignored the tiny part of her that was trying to tell her that she was rushing into things.

“You are more than welcome. The manor is slightly outside of Gotham but it will be no problem getting you to your uncle's friend for lunch. Are your belongings already at Alya's home?” 

“No, I came straight here from the plane so my suitcase is in the cloakroom,” she replied, grinning. Then a thought came to her that made her slightly less jubilant. “I'll need to tell her that I'm not staying at hers though.”

“We do not need to leave until you are ready, but does this mean you are happy to accept my invitation?” Damian's eyes were bright and intense as he stared into her own. 

“Hell yes, I accept,” she said, putting her empty glass down and taking hold of his arm to pull him back over to Alya. He gave a soft laugh as she dodged around different groups, following her with little difficulty until they reached Alya and Jon. “Als! I've managed to get a ride to Gotham tonight so you don't have to worry about getting me out of bed tomorrow morning.”

“Okay girl, you'll let me know if you need anything?” Alya said cheerfully, cheeks rosy and a drink sloshing in her hand. “And you, mister grumpy, you take care of her, understand? Cos I don't care who you are, I will find you and kick your ass if something happens to her.”

“I shall protect her with my life,” Damian said solemnly.

“Excuse me, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” Marinette said in outrage. Then she seemed to calm down and smiled at Damian. “But it's kind of nice to hear someone say they want to look after me for a change. Whenever you want to get out of here I'm good to go, handsome.”

Jon watched them leave with a slightly open mouth, continuing to listen to them flirt as Damian led her out to his car. 

Part 3

[junkdyke]

GIRLIESSSSS i had a cute gay ass day!!

So me and my dyke (soon-to-be) roomie went to this queer market to check it out, and my tattoo crush and her gf just happened to be there too! Roomie and my Crush have already met bc when Crush still worked at my studio, Roomie came as a guest and we were the only 2 that could speak spanish and really chat with her <3 so the 4 of us ended up hanging out, i hadn't seen my crush and her gf since we went out of state together so i caught them up on all my girl-drama and work chisme, and talked about more travel plans for all of us to go tattoo together! Lots of spots and dates just got added to our calenders!!

then we went to the dyke event and AS IT TURNS OUT, this gay bar is right down the street from my workplace! I've been right next to it so many times and never knew it was there, so now I know where i'm gonna go with my other lesbo coworkers. Anyway, it was leatherdyke themed and the amount of fucking dykes that showed UPPPP it was actually overwhelming, the outdoor area was PACKED and there were sooo many hot butches jfc

we ended up staying mainly inside, me and my crush's gf danced and were the icebreakers for other girls to come over and fill the dancefloor. There was an older butch who came over to dance too and she looked sooo shy but was just vibing and eventually another girl got her to hop into the dance circle and we were hyping her up ugh she was so fucking cute and it was so fun! I got approached by this really short cutie, we danced, chatted, got to know each other, kissed, she was super sweet. At some point another girl came up and asked me where I got my shorts, so I tried to show her my tag LMAO and her friend, beautiful black girl with locs, leaned into my ear and told me I was gorgeous. I told her I loved her locs and TRULY i wanted to swap info with her but I didn't wanna be rude in front of the girl I was already talking to, so they wished up both goodnight and left BUT YANNOOOOO crossing paths, universe, w/e w/e

Anyway, Crush and her gf left a little earlier, and then Roomie needed to leave and I was her ride so we left along with the girl I met, and then my roomie was like "can we go to the dollar store?" cause she had never been lmfaooo so the 3 of us spent a fucking HOUR just grocery shopping and pointing out snacks and grabbing random stuff. Roomie ended up buying a bunch of stuff for her picnic tomorrow and a GIGANTIC unicorn balloon for her soon-to-be-girlfriend lmfaooo and we kept teasing about how gay it was. The girl I met got me flowers <333 And she offered to drive us to where my car was because she "was just looking for an excuse to spend more time with me", so we did and then I asked if I could give her a goodnight kiss, and it was a very very nice lil makeout, while my friend waited outside with her balloon LOL. SO fun, I felt cute, saw so many hot people, reminded me of what's out there, reminded me to be more confident with approaching people, informed me that lesbians DO leave their house and while we still don't have many designated lesbian bars, we do have a nice array of lesbian events. AMAZING dyke energy <3 <3 <3

[readingadream]

Be The Light

Chapter 6

wc: 2340

5 | 6 | 7

Master

San POV

Watching Wooyoung learn to fight was how I spent most of my days lately, or he and I would train together. Honestly he was improving fast, learning the ropes rather quick. Seonghwa had learned the president would be making an appearance at a local homeless shelter so Hongjoong, Mingi and Seonghwa had been making plans, wanting to keep Wooyoung out of most of this due to him quickly becoming known to the public eye. In 3 weeks he’d already been contacted by multiple companies to model for, and of course I was with him doing everything so even I couldn’t do anything crazy.

The plan for Wooyoung and I was rather easy, we had to make a statement without bringing the attention fully to us. Wooyoung had the idea of our outfits being customized, writing ‘New World’ and ‘It’s time to wake up’ Something that would mock the president who was running for a second trimester. President Park was always mentioning how he’d change so much but in the years that have passed there hasn’t been any good outcomes. Homeless citizens had increased by about 32%, female workers were taking a loss at how much they earned. People with money were getting away with so much, police accepting bribes, so was the court and even government officials. Everything was corrupt.

Seonghwa and Joong liked the idea, especially because the younger generation would most likely focus on us even being there. According to Seonghwa it wasn’t unusual for those with media fame to attend these types of events because often they’d be paid by the president for the exposure. Though due to the fact Wooyoung and I were new to this we wouldn’t have an opportunity like that. Explaining that we would just need to go and pretend we were there in support of President Park.

Hongjoong was secretly crazy good at creating outfits, so he quickly went to work measuring us both before disappearing for a few days to work at his studio. For me the vision was a simple black blazer with inner red lining that would show the slogans Wooyoung had suggested. The outside would be simple besides a red embroidered red symbol that was seen as a sign of the ‘Rebels’ or as the President put ‘Resistence’ We used the hourglass as our signature usually.

No one knew the idea for Wooyoung yet though, Hongjoong said we would have to wait until the day of the event. Which was now 6 days away.

“I hope this goes smoothly Sannie, I’m so nervous about this. Sure we aren’t doing much but what if they try to arrest us for even having the symbol? The others are throwing fliers out with the propaganda from the roof right? What if they get caught too?” Wooyoung being so worried wasn’t that shocking to me, I’d wondered similar things when I first joined the group.

Running my fingers through his hair I let out a small hum, “Trust me, everything will be okay. Plus we probably wont be the only group there doing something. A group called Stray Kids also are against president Park, though neither groups get along. We might believe in change for the greater good but honestly we’ve all been against each other for so long. Something had happened when the group was first forming but honestly Joong won't tell us anything.”

The fight between us was stupid, and had left a few people seriously hurt but for some damn reason Hongjoong and their leader Chan were always at each other's necks. The two were stupid, if we could work together as one then most likely things would have gone so much smoother.

Sitting up on the couch, Wooyoung looked at me with a small smile, “How about you and I go out? We’ve been stuck here for the last 2 weeks due to my training and the captain's planning. I think we should go get our hair done, maybe go eat chicken from the place you and I found when we got so drunk the first week I was here. Plus Hwa said we should post on social media more often, and do everything we can to get attention.”

“We should just date at that point instead of gay baiting to get all the attention.” I mumbled under my breath, but I think he had heard me cause I faintly heard the boy gasp. Was he against the idea? Or was it the fact I said it so bluntly? Who knew because he seemed to just pretend nothing was said. “Sure, let's get our jacket and shoes on. I’ll let Mingi know we are going out, he’s the only one home at the moment anyways besides us two.”

Seeing how happy Wooyoung was about going out made me realize just how often we rarely get to just do stuff outside of the group. His bright gummy like smile, the squinty eyes but there was so much happiness behind them. Grabbing the keys to my car, I reached to grab his hand and lead him outside.

Since we first met, and started to do photoshoots together our bond had gotten a lot closer. Mingi and Yunho would give us shit, teasing that we were dating or that us two were soulmates. Woo would always blush and flip them off, telling them that they were just as bad as a married couple. Which wasn’t wrong. Those two really do bicker that bad.

“So food first? Then we can see if the Salon has any openings. Probably should have made an appointment though. Though if they are booked I know one more place, they usually only do idols, actors/actresses and models so they shouldn't be as busy.”

“Yeah I’m hungry so that sounds good. Hwa had me studying some random crap this morning so I skipped eating. I hate maps, yet he and Hongjoon have been up my ass to memorize how to get around the event in 2 days. I don’t understand, if I wont be in danger then why do they want me knowing everything? Wouldn’t it be better to know nothing so no one would suspect that I’m involved with the rebellion?”

“To be honest it would be best to know everything Woo, mostly because we never know when or if something goes wrong. There have been times… things went wrong and a few of us got hurt. Joong won’t talk about it though so don’t ask about what happened. As for Hwa, I’ll see if he will give you a break.” Glancing over to the other I noticed how he picked at his fingernails, definitely nervous about the next few days coming up.

“I should try to convince Hongjoong to let us leave more often to do things besides work.” I finally spoke again after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“That would be nice, I miss going out and Changbin has been asking me to meet up with him, I’ve been lying to him but now he knows I’m modeling. Yesterday he told me that he was half tempted to show up to one of the photoshoots if I keep blowing him off.” Of course he would be giving Wooyoung such a hard time about them not talking much. Those two were basically inseparable for so long that being apart longer than a month probably felt like decades.

Changbin wasn’t a bad guy, most of the time that is. Changbin was always the caring one that acted tough, but just by looking at the dude it was easy to tell that no matter what he'd risk everything for ones he cared for most.

The drive went smooth, we sat there in comfortable silence and just enjoyed the music playing. I’d look over to see Wooyoung doing small dances while the song was playing. There was still so much we didn’t know about each other but yet at times I knew too much because I was always watching over him, basically acting like his shadow. Pukking into the parking lot of my favorite chicken place I glanced over at him to see more of a confused expression, looking over I noticed why, there was Changbin and it looked like Chris as well as Han.

“Who is that with Changbin?” I pretended that I didn’t know who they were for the sake of Wooyoung not knowing we all knew each other.

Tilting his head to the side he scrunched his eyebrows together. “I think that is Han and Bangchan? Well he goes by Chris usually according to Binnie. I’ve never personally met them but he talks about them often. Apparently they work together at Bhang Entertainment which is owned by Chris. Though the 3 all produce together which is pretty cool.”

Getting out of the car I was quick to notice them looking back at us, Han leaning over to Changbin whispering something into his ear and watching as he nodded his head at whatever was said. I watched as the 3 boys smiled, Changbin waving at Wooyoung shouting for him to come over to meet his friends. Completely ignoring the fact I’d been standing right next to him. What an asshole.

Following Woo, I noticed his smile and relaxed as he hugged his best friend. Completely unaware of the fact Han and Chris were both glaring at me. God, I wish I could have just punched them right there. “My baby Wooyoungie! Finally I get to see that handsome face of yours! This is Bangchan also known as Chris, and Jisung but we all just call him Han. I work with them-“

”I remember Binnie, you talk about them so much that I wonder if you 3 are just all dating each other.” I noticed how he rolled his eyes towards his friend before turning his attention to the others. “Nice to finally meet you, this is San. Him and I work together… plus he’s my boyfriend.” I nearly choked on air at the last part. The fuck was Wooyoung up to? Did he want my ass to get beat by his best friend? Cause I promise if looks could kill Changbin would of killed me 100 different ways. Well guess I need to play along right?

Wrapping my arm around his waist I pulled the male closer, giving a fake smile towards the 3 of them. “Nice to meet you, especially Changbin. My sweet Wooyoung has mentioned a lot about you, how you two lived together, how you made him cry when he moved in with my friends and I… Guess you can be a real asshole to those you care about?”

“San-“

”Funny, Wooyoung never mentioned you to me-“

”Changbin, stop lying cause we both know I have. I mentioned him often… just not that we were dating since that happened a few days ago.” Watching as Wooyoung stepped in front of us both. Though Changbin wasn’t done with me yet and that was clear just. Looking at his face.

”I’m surprised Wooyoung would date the perso-“ I quickly cut him off.

“Shut up, he doesn’t know or need to know.” Saying this made Wooyoung quickly turn his head to look at me with clean confusion. Fuck what do I do or say. Looking at the 3 behind him I knew Changbin wanted to finish what he wanted to say but I wasn’t about to let that happen.

Clearing his throat I looked to Wooyoung, “What do I not know about San?”

Fuck. Come on San think. “Oh, well, I’ve actually met Changbin but it was rather brief. Back in the days we ran into each other sometimes at the gym. He almost died when a weight fell on him but I believe Han was there to save him? Apologies I don’t remember clearly.”

“Liar. Wooyoung, remember the day I came home? That night that I was covered in blood? That was because of him and his friends Woo. They aren’t good people at all, fuck that’s why I was so mad at you when you first told me. Though it seems Ateez wanted to protect their precious treasure that would help them move forward to success.” Changbin's evil smile made my blood boil. Why would he ruin this for me? Besides the fact I nearly killed him.

Wooyoung blinked for a moment, looking between us all. Wooyoung was smart, so there was no doubt that he finally was connecting the dots. “You… you knew him the whole time?! All of them knew?! Yet you all lied to my face?” Shoving me away I noticed him shaking and trying to hold back his tears. “I trusted you! I trusted all of you.” Looking at Changbin he pointed his finger towards him. “You too! You fucking liar! Why didn’t you tell me the night I told you Changbin?! Huh?! WHY! Don’t trust your best fucking friend? Or have I been replaced by the members of Stray Kids? Yeah I know all about the fucking group because Hongjoong made me learn. Though they always kept your name out of it.”

Changbin winced, the look of regret clear as day displayed on his face. “Woo, I didn’t want you involved with what we do… It’s why I never said anything until now.”

”I hate you both! Both of you just leave me alone. I never want to see either of you again.” Fuck, this isn’t what I wanted to happen. I reach out to grab his shoulder but he quickly moved from me.

Wooyoung looked me in the eyes before he spoke one last thing before running off. “To think I was actually falling for you. Apparently I shouldn’t trust someone who treats me nice. We are done San, I’m done with the group too. Keep my shit, just stay out of my life.”

I could never stay away from him. There was more he didn’t know. He could hate me all he wanted, but I’d always be near to protect him from harm's way.

[bangtanuniversa]

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Pairing: BTS / Reader

Genre: Friends to lovers! AU 

Word Count: 2467

Dear Kim Taehyung,

I just can’t seem to pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with you. Do you know that birds and squirrels would bury seeds in different places to store them for winter? They would do that and sometimes forget where places where they buried it. Thus, during spring, the seeds would flourish into life. Those seeds are like my feelings for you. There wasn’t a single time when I fell for you all at once. It was the whole collection of seeds, mapping out my feelings for you.

Perhaps it started from the time where I met you in the elevator. You smiled at me, and it was the most genuine smile I ever got from a stranger in my whole life. Tell me, how is it that your smile is brighter than the sun itself? The whole ten-seconds ride felt like ages due to the awkward silence.

To your amusement and my horror, I didn’t realise you were going to the same floor, so we both tried to get out at the same time. We bumped into each other so hard that you fell to the floor.

I was absolutely mortified, but you grinned at me sweetly and said, “Why is it that you made me fall when we’ve only known each other for 1 minute?”

I couldn’t help the smile that mirrored your own after that. I fell for the way you would shamelessly ask for me to bake you butter cookies again. I fell for the way that you would show up at my door with burnt brownies and claim that you made extra and required help finishing them. I fell for your smile, over and over again, like the fool that I am.

Why is it that I will soon slip the letter inside your empty house, even though you left without telling me months ago?

Tell me, did the time we spent together mean nothing, like the one forgotten seed in a sea of others?

Dear Park Jimin,

Maybe the way you so perfectly pirouetted into my life shows that it was nothing but a show. You would throw every single cell of your whole being into dancing, with the same fluid-like movements that entranced me since the first second I saw you. Or maybe I was entranced by the way you reminded me so much of myself. When Ms Choon told us that there was only one spot left in the showcase, she signed up both of us as a duet performance.

And you, the arrogant and childish you, demanded, “That’s not fair! I worked months for it!”

And me, the stubborn and younger me, added, “What about my solo too?”

But the fate was sealed, and it took weeks for us to realise, that maybe having a partner wasn’t so bad after all. Somehow, we started spending more time outside the dance studio. It wasn’t just a partner relationship anymore. You started becoming someone who I would call first to tell about the high math test score I got. Or the fact that Emma Wang would glare at me but never say anything after you taught her a lesson when she started spreading rumours about me.

“Trust me.” You said and lifted me into the air, again and again, never letting me fall. I think that you were the closest I ever had to something more. The dance started from mutual dislike to something more than trust.

At least, until you broke it to pieces.

Why did you have a wallpaper of another girl? Why did you childishly drop out on the day of the competition saying you got a stomach bug and then proceeded to ignore me for months?

Maybe in another universe, the world can finally be a place where you were next to me, but you completely destroyed any chances of it in this one. I was too stupid to realise that you were always out of my reach.

Tell me, why did you get so close to me and look at me like I was the entire world when you had another by your side?

Dear Kim Seokjin,

You deserved the best love story in the universe. You deserved someone who makes you home-cooked meals every single day, someone with looks that could parallel Aphrodite herself, someone who isn’t such a mess. You deserved someone with a complete heart, someone who doesn’t look at you and saw a boy who spent more time dancing than breathing.

Do you remember when I wrote you a love letter for Valentine's, but you chucked it in the trash with at least a dozen of others along with it, without a thought, and asked me with a chuckle, “Why are they wasting their time on someone like me?” You didn’t know about the hours I spent pouring over these sheets of paper, looking up dad jokes on the internet and wondering which one you would like the best.

That’s the thing, Kim Seokjin, you shine with the brilliance of a thousand stars in the rural night sky, and that brilliance was bound to be noticed by others. But before I could say anything, Hoseok slapped your back and laughed, “Because they only look at your appearance. If they hear the stuff that comes out of your mouth they will wonder why.”

When you smiled at me next, it was not the smile that I was so used to seeing. There was something fractured about it, but still trying to hold together. I wondered if I should have said something, but my own broken self would have made it worse, and you always turn away before I could speak. You always do. I never knew why.

Dear Jin,

I understand now. Tell me, why didn’t you say anything when it wasn’t too late?

Dear Jung Hoseok,

I would have liked to think I did as much for you as you did for me. I suppose that’s your charm, isn’t it? If I never sat next to you in English class when there are no other seats available. You helped chase away the haunting memories of the boy that was like my first love while dreaming of the one for you.

And that’s one of the things that I admired the most about you. You were a dreamer, but you were never afraid to show who you are. You dreamed of a bright future as a choreographer, someone who has another person waiting for them at home, someone who has a complete family.

I would have liked to think that the late nights spent watching cheesy rom-coms and impromptu fashion shows would soften the nostalgic look you would have in your eyes when someone brings up something that would remind you of your mother, who died a few years ago.

You’re braver than I would ever be. Seokjin claims that it’s stupidity when he used to hang out with us, but it’s not like any of us have the right to judge.

This is probably never going to be sent out, like most of the others. We promised that we would keep in touch after we leave for our respective universities. I guess that some things in life just weren’t meant to last, and somehow our friendship just fell apart.

Thank you, Hobi. Tell me, did you find her?

Dear Min Yoongi,

You were the sunrise in the early morning. Too early for most people to see the wonderful glow, and disappears into wisps way too fast. You are the shadow that I cannot shake off but yet cannot touch. I met you outside of the door where the boy next door used to live. You stood in the hallway, headphones plugged into your ears, nodding to a rhythm no one else could hear.

You suddenly said, without looking at me, “So, you’re my new neighbour.”

I was going to rebut that you were the new one, not me, but when you looked up I can’t help but think that you were so different than the last boy who lived there, just a few months ago standing in the same spot holding a bottle of bubble solution and blowing, the rainbow spheres bursting into a sprinkle of nothing.

“That’s me,” I said. “When did you move in?”

When did he move out? was the unspoken true question. But you didn’t know me enough to understand the reason for the mood shift when I stepped inside your house and found that everything has changed.

You’re one of these people, the ones that don’t really have a home. Somehow, it started to feel like home with you, and slowly I began to forget about the missed chance of the first boy that I’ve dreamt of kissing. But you’re also like a ghost. I didn’t know much about you, except the fact that you liked watching horror movies and that you would always wear mismatched socks. You never talked about your family, but I figured that you ran away. Somehow, I started not being enough for you, even when you were enough for me.

Now I can’t even remember how your eyes would crinkle up when you laugh, or the exact shade of your eyes when they light up in happiness.

“Don’t forget about me.” You told me before you had to leave. “Even if you start to forget yourself.”

I didn’t promise you anything, because all I could think about was another door, another lost boy, another life, closing in my face.

Tell me, where are you now? Who even are you?

Dear Kim Namjoon,

It’s funny how easily you slipped into my life, between the cracks of laughter in the library when you were supposed to be tutoring me for math, drinking lattes and thinking of the days in the local cafe when Jin and Hoseok still hung out with us. I was always too focused on Hoseok’s antics and the way light would always hit Jin’s perfect face at just the right angles to think of the times when you would slip a Mars bar into my bag wordlessly whenever Jin went out on a date with another girl. When I got a bad grade on a physics test. When I had a fight with my parents.

Everything felt weird when we went back to the cafe after everything fell apart. It was still the same place, but it didn’t feel the same without the same people. Like discovering your favorite shirt years ago in the back of the closet but finding out that it didn’t quite fit anymore.

But some things were still the same. The way your hair would always be a mess in the mornings. The way you added way too much sugar in your coffee. The dimples.

Being with you was like walking down memory lane with the only other person who could really see it the same way as you. You knew about everything, even the time I spent away from the city. You were my lifeguard, my only stability, in the middle of the ocean.

Do you remember the time I tripped and it was you I grabbed onto, not Jin?

After you confessed I found that I simply could not hold onto you, because you wanted to leave and go somewhere on the other side of the world. You turned into a forgotten dream that I could no longer chase.

And everything came to an end. Tell me, why did that beginning turn to the ending way too soon?

Dear Jeon Jungkook,

Every single one of my letters is a snapshot, each a failure. Each boy was like a snowflake, beautiful, unique, and too soon gone. I have to admit that I was a coward. But you were different. That one summer three years ago changed me.

I was on an errand when you bumped into me, ice cream and all. Who would eat ice cream when it’s so cold outside? You. I stood there, in shock, the ice cream making my shirt stick to my stomach in the most uncomfortable way, watching your expression turn from amusement to apologetic.“Oh shit I’m so sorry.”

I stood there, at a loss of what to say. You stared at me, horrified, before scrambling to pick up the groceries that I had dropped and handed them back to me.

“I-know-I-ruined-your-shirt-but-like-I’m-broke-instead-I-can-teach-you-how-to-skate.” You declared in a rush, holding up a worn-up plain skateboard, youthful energy prominent in every single cell of your body, unlike me. I used to call you a giant baby all the time, and you would chuckle and claim that I was the grandma.

Maybe that’s why I wasn’t as hesitant as I should be.

“Why? I don’t like skateboarding.” I replied, wondering why a random boy you met in a park would be offering to teach a stranger how to skateboard of all things.

“You just seemed like a skater girl. Don’t ask me why. Anyways, you’ll change your mind after I teach you.” You stated with a smug undertone, as it was already accomplished, and that just further ruined the first impression.

Sending you a skeptical look, I asked, “Really?”

Tucking the skateboard under your arm, you answered, “You’ll be telling me how much you love me.”

How I wish that we could go back to that time, to a summer where you confessed and I was by your side. I went to find you the day before I was supposed to be heading back to university and asked you if you were willing to wait another year.

You said that you couldn’t, that it’s too hard.

I, in the rush and hurt of the moment, whispered, “I wish I never met you.” I didn’t turn around fast enough to miss the look in your eyes filled with utter betrayal and sadness.

I returned the next year, just a few months before my grandpa passed away, and asked him about a boy named Jeon Jungkook. “He’s at the hospital,” he said, and I felt my heart stop.

“He was hit by a car a few days ago and has been in a coma since the accident. Let me tell you, ever since last summer, that boy has lost the stars in his eyes. I betcha it was a girl who broke his heart…” Grandma rambled, completely unaware of the sound of my own heart shattering.

After I told the nurses I was your girlfriend, they let me in. When I found you in the hospital bed, you looked frail and small.

It’s been too long Jungkook, and you never liked to keep me waiting. I promise that if you wake up and I’ll never ask you to wait for me again. I’ll hold onto you and never let you go.

[age-of-greta]

The Moon

Author’s note: hi!! Welcome back friends. As always I proofread, but typos happen. No posting schedule, but all parts will be posted on Wednesdays at midnight EST. Enjoy this chapter :)

Pairings: Sam x reader & Jake x reader

Warnings: angst, language, cursing, adult content

Word count: 4.4k

PART 8:

During the next week or so you and Sam had spent a lot of time together. Sometimes he would come over with Danny, sometimes just alone. In fact you had two additional sleepovers since. You would get high and fall asleep watching movies. It was nice and you found that your feelings towards him hadn’t faulted. You chose not to respond to Jake. You had been avoiding him. The only time you went over to their house was when you knew Jake wasn’t there. Like today, you pulled up outside and smiled when Jake’s car wasn’t outside. You knew he was supposed to be at the studio working on his parts, so you timed your visits carefully.

“Birdie!” Josh announced as he opened the front door for you.

“Hi Josh.” You said, giving him a hug.

“We have much to discuss.” Josh says, as soon as the hug ends.

You pinch your brows up and let out a laugh. “Do we?”

“Damn, can you let her come inside first?” Sam says, appearing behind Josh.

You give Sam a look as he takes you into the living room.

“Hello dearest cousin. Have they already informed you?” Danny asks.

“What is going on here?” You ask, still confused.

“Camping trip. This weekend.” Josh says casually, popping onto the couch.

Sam sighs. “What we are trying to say is, would you like to go camping with us this weekend? It was sort of a last minute decision. Danny bought a ten person tent and then ran with it. So now we are going camping this weekend.”

“It was on sale!” Danny chimes in.

You giggle. “Who all is going?”

“Just us four and hopefully you.” Danny replies.

Us four. Which means Jake too. Fuck.

“So, what do you say? Sam asks, beaming with excitement.

In the moment you couldn’t possibly think of an excuse to say no. There was a part of you that didn’t even want to say no. But how would you feel being around Jake for a whole weekend?

You nod your head. “Yeah, sounds like fun.”

“Good, because I bought five sleeping bags.” Danny adds.

You laugh, but your breath catches when you hear the door open.

“How was your session? You’re early.” Josh says.

“Shit. The power went out.” A familiar voice rings.

“That’s unfortunate. But Birdie is going camping with us. So make sure when you go to the store you get enough for five.” Danny says, nonchalantly.

“Cool.” Jake says as unbothered as possible.

You glance back at him and regret it. He’s staring at you. You can’t place what the look on his face means. Is he angry you’re going? You couldn’t give less of a shit. Is he upset? Good. He should be.

Jake grabs his guitar and heads downstairs to the studio. You’re glad and wonder if anyone else picked up on the tension. If they did, they didn’t show it.

**

You picked at your nails as you waited for Sam to come and get you. You had packed everything you could have needed and more. Fortunately, this campsite has a rest area where you can shower, brush your teeth, and use the bathroom. Your confidence has wavered about being around Jake. But you were certain you wanted to be around everyone else, especially Sam. Your stomach was twisted in knots, but they quickly dissolved when you saw Sam at your door. You engulfed him in a hug.

“Well I’m happy to see you too. Are you ready?” Sam asks, squeezing you back.

You nod and he grabs your bags. You both situate in his Tesla and put your seatbelts on.

“It’s not a far drive, but there are snacks in the back if you want anything.” Sam offers.

You laugh. “You’re really working for that five star rating huh?”

Sam smiles a toothy smile at you. “Yes ma’am.”

You fumble around with the music until Pink Floyd comes on shuffle. Sam quietly sings along to the lyrics and you couldn’t help but steal glances at him. His hair was tied up in a bun, sunglasses on his face, his skin glowing in the sunlight. Why had you never noticed Sam like this before? Perhaps it’s because you were always so hung up on Jake. But now, you were certainly paying attention.

You pulled up to the campsite and saw the other three already there putting up the tent. You parked right off the road and hiked down to your spot. It was right by the river. Surprisingly it was insanely peaceful despite the awkwardness that would come. You and Sam climbed out of the car. You grabbed your backpack, but Sam got the rest. You paused to take in the view. The smell of pine filled your nostrils and the sunlight shined on the lake. Then you feel Sam drape his arm around you.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” You say, a little coyly.

Sam turns and looks at you. “It is beautiful.” He says, leaving a double meaning there.

You smile up at him. Then you two are heading down to meet with the others. You weren’t as on edge as earlier, even as you trotted down to face Jake.

“Goddamnit this shit is caught again.” Josh says, huffing out.

“Josh I swear to god I’m going to strangle you if you touch this part again.” Jake snaps back.

Sam chuckles. “I’m glad to see how well the tent construction is going boys, and as always the pleasantries.”

Everyone turns to look at you two, mostly smiling greetings. Jake bit his lip and went straight back to untangling the tent.

“It’s almost done. This is the last part.” Danny assures.

“Care to make a fire pit with me?” Sam asks you.

“Absolutely.” You answer.

Then you and Sam are collecting stones and sticks to build a mediocre fire pit at best. It wouldn’t really provide heat, but it would definitely roast some marshmallows.

“There! Perfect!” Sam announces, proud of your accomplishments.

You laugh at the somewhat sad looking pit.

“Birdie, where do you want your sleeping bag?” Danny asks.

By now the tent was done and everyone else was inside setting up. You think for a minute.

“Just put me with you and Sam.” You say back.

Danny nods. You wonder if he or Josh or even Sam notice the shift between you and Jake. You assumed they had, but didn’t know what they thought.

Once everyone had gotten unpacked it was decided that the first night would be spent lightly drinking and chilling. Tomorrow would be an eventful day. The itinerary was a hike up to a swimming hole, then s’mores later back at camp. You all gathered around the small fire while Danny distributed supplies around for roasted hotdogs, he even got veggie dogs for you and Sam. Jake was across from you which was the furthest away he could be. Sam was at your side.

“Should we tell ghost stories?” Josh asked, taking a swig of his beer.

You laughed at that. “Have a few more beers and then yes Josh. I want to hear your ghost stories.”

Everyone snickered at that, even Jake to your surprise.

“Ha ha very funny Birdie.” Josh said, sarcastically. “I’m sorry I’m just trying to make this an authentic camping trip.”

“Hey if you want an authentic camping trip, come with me and collect some wood. We need more before we start trying to roast all of this.” Danny says, getting up.

Josh groans, but gets up to follow.

“Hell no. I worked too hard on this fire for them to get wood that’s just going to put it out. They need supervision, I’ll be right back.” Sam says, patting your knee.

Before you can offer to join he’s up and off. Leaving just you and Jake sitting there in silence. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and full of tension.

Jake breaks the silence by clearing his throat. “Can we talk?”

You press your lips into a line. “There’s nothing to talk about Jake.”

“Birdie, don’t be like that.” He pleads.

“Me? You’re telling me not to be like that?” You spit.

Jake takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I don’t want tension with you. I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

You scoff. “I would say it’s a little late for that. Don’t you think?”

Jake pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m trying to think of a way to formulate this. Fuck- Birdie it’s still me. It’s still me and you. I shouldn’t have slept with you. Not to say I didn’t want to- of course I did. It’s just I’m not ready for a commitment right now. But it’s still us, it’s still me and you.”

Your head is spinning at that. You feel rage, sadness, and anger filled your veins. You take a deep breath and open your mouth to speak. But before words come out wood plops down in front of you.

“Sammy the lumberjack, but not on mushrooms this time.” Sam says, smiling down at you.

You let out a small laugh. Even though you feel like a deflated balloon. Then everyone else returns and the night resumes. You catch Jake stealing glances at you, trying to gauge your response. You wouldn’t dare give him the satisfaction of any reaction. Instead you put on your big girl panties and acted like all was well. Josh did tell drunken ghost stories and they made you laugh, genuinely. But it had gotten late and you were tired and a little cold.

“Hey guys I think I’m going to turn in. I’m exhausted.” You say getting up.

“Yeah me too.” Sam says.

“I’ll be there in a bit.” Danny adds.

“Goodnight you two.” Josh coos.

“Yeah night.” Jake says, softly.

You and Sam slip into the tent and find your sleeping bags, they’re right next to one another. You flip on the lantern and snuggle down in your bags. Laughing and joking about Josh’s antics.

“What are the chances he’s too hungover tomorrow to hike?” You ask.

Sam lets out a breathy laugh. “Honestly slim. He has an iron stomach.”

Then you hear the tent flap open. You can see who it is.

“Jake, tell Birdie about Josh’s iron stomach.” Sam says to his brother.

“Oh yeah. He’s a machine.” Jake says, nonchalantly.

“Are you guys talking about me?” Josh says, then hiccups, also entering the tent.

“Us? Never.” You say slyly.

“Okay everyone in their sleeping bags! We have a hell of a day tomorrow.” Danny announces.

A few laughs are had. “Well okay mom.” Josh says.

Then everyone hunkered down and fell asleep. It took you a while, just staring off. You didn’t hear Jake’s soft snoring yet, you wondered if he was having trouble sleeping too. However, for you, eventually sleep won.

**

The next morning you opened your eyes to typical arguments. It was bright already and you were nowhere near well rested enough to feel peppy about the day, but you were also too awake to go back to sleep. You rolled over and scanned the tent. It seemed that Sam and Danny were still asleep, but the twins were up. You would have stayed in your cocoon until one of them woke up, but your bladder was in pain. You needed to pee, badly. You unzipped yourself out of your sleeping bag and krept out of the tent, grabbing your backpack. Jake and Josh were sitting around the small fire drinking coffee.

“Good morning Birdie.” Josh said, cheerfully.

“Morning Josh. Any idea where the rest station is?” You ask.

“Mhm.” Josh says, halfway through a sip of coffee. “It’s just through those trees. Jake, can you walk her over? I’m going to start on breakfast for all of us.”

Jake stayed quiet for a moment, but eventually got up. “It’s over here.”

You sucked in your cheeks and followed Jake through the trees. It was silent besides the occasional crunch of leaves and sticks.

“It’s right up there.” Jake says, stopping and waiting to see if you’ll say anything else.

You nod. “Thanks.” You say as you pass by him.

“You’re welcome.” He says back, lightly.

Once inside you pee, brush your teeth, and wash your face before changing in your bathing suit. You went with a sage green ruched bikini that complimented your tan. You threw on black bike shorts and a white tank over it since you would be taking a small hike. On your way out you ran into Danny, also heading back to your campsite.

“Sleep okay?” He asked.

You shrugged. “Sort of? It didn’t feel like a five star resort, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Well, good, I think. I’m glad you came. I assume work has been a little hectic as of late. You haven’t been around often.”

You could tell he was prying, but Danny would never force you to talk about anything you didn’t want to.

“It has.” You lie. “But hopefully that’s behind me.”

Danny looks at you for a minute. “Yeah, I hope so too.”

When you arrived back at camp everyone was up and at it. Except you didn’t see Sam. You laughed and assumed he was still asleep in the tent, but when you checked he wasn’t there either.

“Where’s Sam?” You asked the group.

“Bathrooms still I guess.” Danny answered.

“Y’know you and Sam have become quite the pair.” Josh states nonchalantly.

You wonder if there is any sort of suspicion behind those words.

You just nod. “He’s a good friend.”

Jake is eyeing you a little, but you don’t meet his gaze.

Everyone focuses on packing for the impending trip. Sam returns shortly after and greets you with a pleasant smile.

“Good morning Birdie. Ready for today?”

You smile back. “Good morning Sam. I am ready today. Are you?”

“You better believe it. I plan on pulling these shorts up and getting these thighs tan.”

You laugh at that. “That will be a sight to see.”

“Hey everyone!” Josh shouts while clapping. “We are leaving out here in ten minutes!”

“Sir yes sir!” Sam yells and salutes.

You salute too.

Josh gives you both a smirk. “I don’t like it when they team up on me.”

Then you all finish packing and are off. The hike wasn’t difficult. It was relatively flat ground and clear paths. Josh kept on pointing out various plants and foliage to pay attention to. At some point Sam made a joke about boy scout camp and that caused a giggle. To which Jake spun around and looked at you. He tried to play it off, but he seemed a little weird. More than normal anyway. Finally, you got to the swimming hole. The water was beautiful and surprisingly clear. There was no one else there yet, which gave you all the time to pick out the perfect spot. You chose somewhere almost hidden on the beach by a large tree. You sat all of your things down and you were ready to get in. You were hot and sweaty, but so was everyone else. You kicked off your shoes, threw off your shorts and tank, then clipped your hair up. Everyone else was also undressing. Josh ran in first in the smallest pair of underwear you had ever seen. Then Danny was behind him. Jake was fumbling around with his bag, not really doing much. You wondered if he was stalling.

Then Sam came and put his hand on the small of your back. “Ready Birdie?”

You nod your head. “Beyond.”

“If any fish touches you, just climb on.” He says in a joking tone.

Then you two are walking into the water, leaving Jake behind.

The water felt amazing. It wasn’t freezing, but it’s cold. Which is nice after the shocking sensation dulls. You waded out to Josh and Danny, who were a little past waist deep. Jake followed behind shortly after. They all dunked under and you felt like you wanted to as well. So you took your hair clip out and let your hair fall.

“Anyone have a pocket in their trunks?” You asked, holding up your clip.

There was a collective shaking of heads until you heard, “I do.”

It was Jake, of course. You passed it along to him and he zipped them up in his pocket.

Then you went under.

It felt almost like a baptism. Cleansing away the negative energy, feelings, and thoughts. You came up and took a deep breath pushing your hair back. Then the strangest thing happened. You felt… peace. An inner calmness that had been missing for a while. You took a deep breath and smiled.

“What?” Sam asked, giving you a funny look.

“Nothing.” You said, shaking your head. “I’m just happy to be here.”

Sam smiled at you. “Well that makes two of us. Wanna race?”

“Oh you’re on.” You said with a giggle.

**

“Fuck that’s cold.”

“Sammy! Just be still, I'm almost done.” You said, spraying sunscreen all over his back.

He chuckled. “You’re the sunscreen police.”

You and Sam were the only ones to come in from the water. You decided you wanted to lay out and read. Of course, Sam wouldn’t let you go alone.

“Okay now my turn.” You said.

Sam took the bottle from your hands and sprayed your whole front side down.

“Shit.” He muttered.

You cocked your eyebrows. “What?”

“It’s out.” He said, banging the can around.

“Oh, it’s okay. I have some of the lotion type in my bag.”

Sam bends down and starts digging around. Then you hear him shake the bottle up.

“Wanna lay on your towel? Might be easier.” Sam suggests.

“Okay.” You reply back, with a twang of something in your voice you can’t describe.

You lay on your stomach and you can tell that your bottoms have ridden up. You could only imagine the view Sam had.

You hear him take a small breath and get on his knees near you.

“Can you untie my top? I will burn there if I don’t have sunscreen on it. I’ll tie it back when it all soaks in.” You say with bated breath.

Sam clears his throat. “Yeah, yeah.”

Then you feel his hands pulling at the strings around your back. He carefully places them to the sides, then grabs the bottle. He warmed up the lotion in his hands before putting it on you. He rubs up and down your back and shoulders slowly, maybe even slower than needed for proper application. You weren’t complaining. As he made his descent to your lower back you held your breath. You felt silly, but there was something incredibly erotic about the way his hands rubbed all over you. He moved down to your calves, almost massaging up your legs. It felt nice in more than a few ways. When he got to your upper thighs you had to bite your lip to avoid a potential sound coming out. He was careful when he got to the swell of your ass. Just lightly rubbing the lotion in, not lingering longer than he needed.

Sam takes a little inhale. “That should do the trick.”

“Thank you Sam. You know if the whole musician thing doesn’t work out you should be a masseuse.”

He laughs at that. Then lays down next to you, he tries to ever so slickly adjust his swim trunk but you could see it.

For some reason that gave you a bout of butterflies, in your chest and elsewhere.

A few minutes later everyone else came strolling in. You had re-tied your top and were sitting up reading as if nothing had happened. Sam had his nose in his book too, completely unbothered by the other three. Jake popped down next to you.

“Want an orange?” He asked, presenting you with the fruit.

You shook your head. “I’m good. Thanks.”

Jake stares at you for a moment before bobbing his head.

The rest of the afternoon went by pretty decently. You all had laid there soaking in the sun, chatting, and relaxing. You had chosen to hike back so that you could get dinner ready before dark. Sam stuck by you most of the way back, with Josh of course leading the pack. Jake was in the back, mostly by himself. Danny had tried to initiate discussion, but Jake was short with his words. You weren’t too bothered by it. All you could pay attention to was Sam’s corny jokes. Finally you made it back and decided you needed a shower. You parted ways with everyone else while they prepared camp.

The showers were okay. Nothing spectacular, but at least they were clean. You quickly showered and jumped out before the water got too cold. You wrapped a towel around yourself and stared into the mirror. You were beautifully sunkissed, cheeks pink, and hair wild. You decided you liked the way you looked. Like you had been hiking- perfectly imperfect. You scrunched your hair and lightly combed out the curls. Then threw on a semi-large sweatshirt with a pair of spandex shorts. Then threw on sneakers, deodorant, and a light layer of lotion to prevent any sort of burn. You were ready.

You trekked back to camp to see a whole bunch of food out. S’mores, hot dogs, chips, veggie kabobs, and a plethora of alcohol.

“Wow what a spread.” You say motioning to the scene in front of you.

Sam met your eyes and smiled. His hair was wet, he must have gone and showered too. “Just for you Birdie.”

“Now that we have all been reunited, shall we eat?” Josh asks.

Danny dispurses the plates among everyone, then the cheffing commences. You and Sam had made a system, he would do the veggies and you would do the veggie dogs. Then do s’mores together.

“Fuck, they’re a little charred, but I believe it’ll be okay.” Sam says, handing you your kabob.

You laugh. “Beautiful, thank you. Here’s yours.”

“Thank you chef.” Sam says, taking the stick from your hand.

“These hot dogs are great. Nothing like freshly roasted flesh over an open fire, huh Birdie?” Danny says, with a smirk.

“Fuck off.” You huff out with a laugh.

“Can we do s’mores now please?” Josh asks impatiently, as everyone is finishing up the last of their foods.

“Yes Josh.” Jake states a little amused.

“Can someone throw me another roasting stick?” You ask the group.

Josh laughs. “Hold your horses Birdie. It’s time for s’mores. By that I mean a s’mores shot.”

“How fitting.” You quip.

Then Josh is pouring up shots that are rather large and hands them out.

“Cheers.” Josh states, before clinking glasses.

Then you shoot it, but recoil at the sweet stinging.

“Holy shit that’s strong.” You state, wiping your mouth.

“It’s a s’mores shot Birdie, so three shots in one.” Jake says.

“Well can we do real s’mores now?” You ask.

“Already ahead of you.” Sam says handing you all of the materials you need.

Then you guys are making your s’mores. You and Sam pretend to sword fight with your marshmallows which keeps you giggling. The warmness has settled in your stomach and you feel carefree.

“Mine is so fucked.” Sam says with a chuckle, staring at his blackened marshmallow.

“Here” You say, taking his stick. “Let me make one for you.”

You roast the marshmallow and assemble his s’more before handing it back to him.

“Much better. Thanks.” He says, smiling at you.

Something about the way that the flames illuminated Sam made you feel a certain way. He looked so pretty with his hair tucked behind his ears. A long sleeve shirt that’s just slightly too big on him and a pair of colorful shorts that’s just slightly too short on him.

You all had done another s’more shot shortly after, but knew that one would be your last. The group dynamic was incredibly fun, especially now that everyone had a bit of liquid courage in them.

“I have to pee. Care to join me?” Sam asks you, extending his hand out.

You take his hand and pop up. “Yes, my bladder is also full.”

“Be careful you two! Take flashlights!” Danny yells as you two walk off.

“He’s such a Dad.” You joke.

Sam laughs. “He really is. You should see him on the road. He’s the one telling everyone to get their seatbelts on and turn out the lights.”

“I can totally see that.” You reply. “Hey Sam?”

He hums in response.

“I’m really glad that I came on this trip. I’ve had a lot of fun with you.” You say, feeling a little bold with the alcohol in your system.

Sam flashes a toothy grin at you. “Oh yeah? Well that makes two of us.”

Then you two arrive at the bathroom and go your separate ways. You pee, wash your hands, and fluff your hair in the mirror. When you head back outside Sam is waiting on you. You two start to head back to the campsite.

You begin to bring up a conversation about the stars, but then you feel your foot slip out from under you on wet leaves.

“Woah! You alright?” Sam says grabbing you before you can hit the ground.

“I think so. Remind me to not mix alcohol and dark walks. Also don’t tell Danny. He will ridicule me for not taking a flashlight like he said.”

Sam lets out a loud laugh. “Noted.”

He still hasn’t taken his hands off of you. You’re both just staring in each other's eyes with smiles on your face.

Then, ever so slowly Sam takes his hand and grips your face. Lightly rubbing his thumb on your jaw. You felt like this moment lasted hours but it was only a few seconds. His fingers left trails of sparks down your face. You were unsure what would happen next, until Sam leaned in. Your lips touched and the sparks on your face transferred to electricity in your lips. The kiss was gentle, soft, and warm. When he pulls away you have a visceral reaction.

Sam stares at you for a moment. “Sorry.” He says lowly.

You bite your lip trying to hide a smile. “Don’t be.” You reply.

Sam leans back down to you, but this time kisses your forehead. “Should we head back?” He asks.

You nod your head and continue on down the path, even though your whole body feels tingly. You were unsure what this meant, but that was a thought for another day. All you knew was that Sam was the catalyst for many future endeavors. You just hadn’t thought out what those endeavors might be.

***

•thank you for reading!! We are getting towards the last few chapters wow!!!

[thislovintime]

Performing in Houston on October 27, 1979; photo via RockinHouston dot com.

“The Great American Food and Beverage Company is an institution in [Santa Monica, Calif.]. […] A waiter in his ‘30s, older than the others, made his way to the podium, banjo in hand. He seemed strangely familiar in an unusual outfit whose suspenders gave him a whimsical air. He was very thin, with an angular, almost bony face and straight, mid-ear length dirty blond hair that was parted in the middle. That was all fine. But he also had a mustache and bags under his eyes that somehow didn’t seem quite right. […] Then came the memory of who he was. His name was Peter Tork, and more than a decade ago he was one of the four Monkees […]. And now Tork was a singing waiter. I assumed that few would recognize him — and that he’d probably rather not be recognized. So I decided to respect his privacy. But then, on the way out, he overheard me mention to someone that I was a writer visiting California to do some celebrity interviews, and he said to me, just a trace of bitterness in his voice, ‘Hey, how’d you like to do a story on a former great?’ Peter Tork now lives with his wife and two small children in Venice, Calif., […]. His home is a ramshackle duplex with badly chipped white paint on the outside and a gate that’s locked by a clothes hanger. Inside, the apartment has second-hand furniture with wobbly legs and sports bare wood floors of the kind it’s not fashionable to leave uncovered. An old sheepdog with a very doggy smell lies under an even older piano. In 1965, Peter Tork was washing dishes in Huntingon Beach, Calif., for $50 a week when he was recommend for the Monkees by a musician friend named Stephen Stills […|. ‘In those days we were both folksingers, and we were known as the two cats who looked alike,’ Tork said. ‘He turned me on to the situation.’ […] Today Peter Tork is 36. In his three years as a Monkee, he guesses he made a million dollars. Except for a trust he can’t touch until 1985, it’s all gone. ‘It just poured through,’ he recalled, without being at all maudlin. ‘It was like a tidal wave after a drought. The amount was so grotesque that I didn’t know what to do with it. I spent hundred-dollar bills like quarters.’ He calls himself a socialist now and says he’d be ‘philosophically and religiously prone to give that kind of money away anyway. But I dribbled it away.’ And that bothers him. ‘
I lived in Studio City in a big house that cost too much. I didn’t know how good I had it. I had no basis of comparison. I never got competent professional advice (from his producers, on how to invest his money). I’m bitter about that. They didn’t know how to handle a flash rather than someone who’d clawed his way to the top. Now I’ve been on the fringes. Now I know what it’s like to claw.’ Among other things, the fringes found him busted for alleged dope dealing. ‘It was ‘72. I was caught coming across the border from Mexico with some hash in my pocket,’ he said. ‘For a while, they thought they’d get me for a big smuggling rap. I ended up spending just three-and-a-half months in custody. I recommend it to all my good friends.’ After that experience, he worked for three years as a teacher. Then the school closed in the midst of a strange embezzlement scandal. So Tork decided to take another stab at show business. He has reactivated some old contacts and recently tried out at Paramount for comedy spots on ‘Happy Days,’ ‘Laverne and Shirley’ and ‘Mork and Mindy.’ ‘
I’m trying comedy because I know I’m glib, and I know I’m good at it,’ he said. ‘And I’m taking acting lessons. I’ll be glib one day in drama too. ‘Maybe first I can get a walk-on, then some solid comedic roles, then maybe in time a feature role in another series, then films, then maybe I can make enough to finance my music, which is really what I want to do,’ he said, the bounds of his quite sincere fantasy mushrooming in a minute. […] In the meantime, while he waits for a casting call, his show-business career still consists of The Great American Food and Beverage Company, where he has worked since last summer. ‘It’s something to do with my hands while I’m waiting,’ he said. ‘It’s a place where you’re allowed to sing, and everybody uses it to keep their chin up while waiting for their big break — like “The Gong Show” or something.’ A touch of bitterness there, again. ‘It’s just that the people don’t shut up (at the restaurant). I wish they would. You basically have to drown them out. But… it is a chance.’ With that, Peter Tork picked himself up to go to work. It was his turn to wash dishes.” - article by Steve Sonsky, The Miami Herald, February 18, 1979

“Well, what I thought was great was that [Peter] always seemed to be humble and very, very gracious in his actions and his attitude. He always treated everybody with respect. He stayed low-key until we would kick up with a group number and then he would join in. […] Everybody else has been joking about how he wasn’t Pete, he was Peter. You can tell a lot about a person when they do whatever they need to do for their family. And the only thing else that I would add is that the fact that he stayed so humble and so gracious after a lot of us had grown up with him as an icon means a lot.” - D J Barker, Tales of the Road Warriors, 2019 (x)

“I worked with Peter in the mid seventies. A kinder, gentler, gracious and giving human being you could never find. His sense of humor and positivity was a gift to all of those lucky enough to be around him. He loved his life, (in spite of it sometimes!)[.]” - D J Barker, Facebook, February 13, 2023 (x)

“There was a period where I was broke. And I called home, I said, ‘Send money.’ ‘No, sorry, kiddo, you’re on your own.’ So there was a restaurant, a two-restaurant chain, there were two restaurants — a short chain, a very small chain, two links — in L.A. called The Great American Food and Beverage Company. And the trick to this establishment was that you had to be a musician, you had to audition to work at this restaurant. And I really, really, really, really, really didn’t want to work there, but I really, really, really needed the money. Anyway, so I’m standing in the kitchen, it’s my first day, and I’m dressed in this ridiculous outfit, and a bunch of us are lined up. And the coked up manager was marching up and down in front of us like a drill sergeant. And as we’re standing there listening to this madman, the kitchen door swings open, and who should walk in but none other than Peter Tork from The Monkees. And I watch Peter Tork walk by me, take a time card and punch in the time clock and get in line right next to me. And my mouth dropped open. And it became evident at that point that he was working as a waiter at the restaurant. And this is Peter Tork from the fucking Monkees. This man was, you know, as big, if not bigger, than The Beatles in the U.S. at one point in his career. And I watched my whole life pass before my eyes.” - Matthew Wilder, Speaking of Music with Jason Faber

More about Peter's time at the Great American Food and Beverage Company in a second post.

[rainbowsky]

Hi 🌈☁️

I am happy to see GG getting enough rest and able to stroll around Italy freely without any public interference. He or DD will not have this much privacy and freedom in China.

My question is why can’t the Chinese govt or police do anything about celebrity stalkers and crazy paparazzis?

Hi Anon 😊

A couple things come to mind with this question.

First of all, GG is in a foreign country where he's almost entirely unknown by the public. Of course he's going to be able to wander around freely and relatively unbothered. In China it's a completely different story. He is much more well known there, and his face is plastered everywhere. He has many millions of fans there, plus countless others who would recognize him if they saw him.

Second, I would challenge the idea that the Chinese government isn't doing anything about these fans. A significant part of the Chinese government's mandate lately has been to try to quell fan culture. Of course, their motivations are primarily self-centered rather than an interest in protecting stars, but it's something they're focused on.

Stalker fans are also frequently charged and or sued for their behavior, but it is a complicated problem. Many of these fans are underage, so there are limits to what can be done to curtail their behavior. They do not face the same charges and consequences as adults doing the same things would face.

There's also the fact that there are a lot of regular fans and fansites who follow artists around and take pictures of them. In that scrum outside of the Tod's store in Milan, for example, there were multiple fansites and bystander fans present. Reining in the behavior of stalker fans while still ensuring legitimate fan activity isn't interfered with would not be an easy task.

Who decides who is a legitimate fan and who is a stalker fan? Can you think of any potential negative consequences of putting that choice into the hands of the government and the authorities?

Another issue is the fact that there's so much money to be made by stalking stars. This is something that we as fans should be conscious of. I regularly see turtles and other fans sharing and talking about material that was obviously obtained by these creeps, so fans are often talking out of both sides of their mouth when they say that they hate the fact that GG and DD are being hounded, while at the same time getting excited about photos and information that were obtained through that behavior.

And let's not forget all the fans in Italy and Europe who were extremely excited to head out to the airport in Milan even after everything that happened in Beijing just hours before. And people went to great lengths to see him at the store and at the fashion shows as well. His fans organized very heavily to make those things happen. This all contributes to the masses around him, and there's a very fine line. Who wouldn't want a chance to see him in person? At the same time, is it a good idea for everyone to be there?

There are definite public order concerns that should probably be addressed more comprehensively, but the handling of all that isn't entirely centralized. Just like every other country in the world, China has many different levels of government and many different agencies and representatives responsible for such things.

And when it comes to a country like China that has a very authoritarian government, it's difficult to wish for there to be more government involvement in policing fan culture and fan behavior.

Of course I and many others believe that more can and should be done, particularly in airports, but we need to acknowledge how complicated the problem is.

All of that aside, I think is the idea that GG and DD can't go out and do normal things is actually pretty obviously untrue. They have both been sighted/photographed out and about in Beijing for example (separately), shopping and doing their own thing without being hassled. GG spent an entire day hanging around Universal Studios not that long ago and wasn't bothered at all.

The airport fiasco was unfortunate, and there have been a couple of other recent situations where things got out of hand, but I don't think it's helpful to take examples like that and let our minds get carried away into assuming that's how it is every time they go anywhere. It's simply not true.

There are risks and sacrifices that come with being famous, and that's something we have to accept. It's understandable that seeing GG wander around somewhere he isn't famous would make us feel sadness for the much freer life he has in Italy vs. the one he lives back home where he's outrageously famous, but I don't think it's worth spending too much time worrying about.

GG and DD have been doing a very good job of taking care of themselves and looking out for their privacy, safety and security, and I trust them to continue to do so.

On this subject - @potteresque-ire wrote an interesting and detailed post a while back about Chinese paparazzi that is a must-read.

[sunshineandlyrics]

I saw "LouisTom" aka 'All Of Those Voices' this evening. Just a mix of thoughts which contain some SPOILERS ..

I haven't been to the movie theatre for about 2 years. The last movie I saw was either Parasite or Mulan live action. Only Louis could entice me back to sit in a public room surrounded by strangers for over an hour.

I really loved the behind the scenes in the studio, Louis talking about music and sharing FITF with his band, and all the interactions with his team. Lottie's comments shows how much she admires and loves Louis. The more you hear about Louis, the more you admire him.

The parts when Louis was talking about his Mum, and around Louis performing Just Hold On on the Xfactor were really hard for me. And Grandpa bless his heart.

Theo Hutchcraft really looks like a cool Vampire.

Oli is a gem. The most understanding friend and goofball mate anyone could ever want. I get why Louis has Oli with him all the time.

Mark Tomlinson quoted Louis saying something of an epiphany while during his Grease days (which reminded me of the Vanessa Hudgens' Austin Butler/Elvis epiphany).

One of my favourite moments was of Louis with his team on the yacht. The beautiful visuals, the chill, seeing some of the food, the band sharing their thoughts about Louis.

I heard Oli and Chris Frewin talking full sentences for the first time, and Oli's voice is not as I imagined and I understood him easier than I do Louis.

Louis has had to overcome his emotions and outside obstacles over his entire career. The documentary shows us the bumpy ride, from getting picked on Xfactor but dismissed and feeling insignificant, then overcoming that by contributing with his songwriting. He was shattered by the break, feeling lost on his career path, the family tragedies, then it's years to make his debut album, only for his tour to be hit by Covid, then tour starts again and his career is eventually on a roll. We already know the history but it's seen with some new insights. His Mum truly raised a man of good character.

The teary eyes didn't make me emotional for a few reasons and didn't make me change my mind because I've been here from the start of this stunt. Louis could've spent so much time between 2016-now (like during XFactor Judges), and especially during the lockdown with the kid but he didn't. Not even the dangerous Californian bushfires inspired Louis to visit the kid, and his team was like no comment on an article.

The scenes with the kid were cute but a bit awkward, and it raised more questions for me. Like why is Oli ALWAYS with them? Why didn't his family travel to America to see him more often if they miss him? Why does he hardly visit the UK, and only for the last 2 Christmases and the only clue of it was via the same pic we saw already posted by one of the sisters? Why is there a lack of unseens of Louis or his family with the kid from between 2016-2021? And the only baby pics were the ones taken in 2016 and already overused in the tabloids.

And my Dude, if 'it gets harder to leave the kid every time' and you get teary eyed talking about it, you should've gotten a lawyer to get full custody, or at least 50/50 years ago. Why does Louis need to travel 20 hours each time to LA for such little time with his own child? Also why none of his American family were with him backstage after the LA concert, just this other kid friend and a guardian (and remember the 'grandparents' and 'uncle' were there but sat separately from him, and potentially had to buy their own tickets to the concert).

It's funny hearing Louis being called both Lou-ee and Lew-is (Doncaster v non Doncaster people).

Given the amount of time I saw Oli and Louis spend with the kid and how they both interacted with him, it would not surprise me if it was later revealed that Oli was the Dad. That would explain why Oli hasn't spend more time in America with him, how the child hardly visits his family in the UK, why he hasn't hired a lawyer for better custody arrangements, because remember people, Oli's only on a PA's salary. And what the hell was that place Louis and Oli were supposedly staying at with the kid. Total opposite of the infinity pool house.

And after I heard Charlie talk twice about the filming having been organic, natural, not set up, etc and watching the 2 sections of the stunt in the docu, it just felt the opposite. Charlie was definitely trolling when he said that. And honestly for me, if these sections with the kid weren't in the film, it would not have been missed because Louis' own grandparents, siblings and childhood friends confirmed to us Louis' love for family and his personal journey. It defiantly felt like filming the kid was an afterthought, rather than preplanned or in the vision Louis or Charlie had in 2019.

Sadly no new insights about either broken arm incidents, no Louis hair and skincare discussions with Krystle, no fashion discussions with Helen, and no Clifford.

They celebrated Steve's birthday too hard in Iceland. His band is funny especially Matt. Mark Gillespie was seen backstage at Louis' LA show.

Familiar frequent flyer 'fans' were interviewed.

Louis loves his Louies, and his whole team appreciate us too.

There was only English subtitles for us. No local language because it was probably not worth translating for a limited screening that could only be used in 1 country.

I left feeling exhausted and heavy hearted seeing his journey, and very proud of Louis for how he kept going to where he is now, and how he has stayed a sweet person, and happy seeing he is surrounded by good people now. It's clear that Louis is loved and respected by those closest to him. As a One Direction fan and Louie, I enjoyed and appreciated this documentary.

This documentary is about a journey, and not a blockbuster, exposé film.

Now I feel so super ready for the tour to start because seeing Louis in concert again makes me miss those loud and fun times.

And remember, Louis is only getting started ...

(22 March 2023)

[istherewifiinhell]

okay. okay. if anyone is in for. "a good time" (why they put that in scare quotes? SHH). mirage issue 15. found anyway you read comics online and broke ;}. which came out after 16 dont worry about it. has a letters section. to set the scene. this is after eastman and laird have a soft separation and dont work together on books like they used to. this after (first seasons of) the show is out. and its after each of there "solo" debuts (each has a different inker and the mirage studios letterer), and after the first main book with a 'guest' artist soloing the issue.

suffice to say. fans never change. tho its funny you used to have to pay postage to say it. its. everything you could possible imagine it to be. what is this crap? you guys cant work apart? whys the plot not going HOW I THINK IT OUGHT. its soft baby shit and you guys are sell outs. etcetcetc. incredible stuff. self parody really.

made even funnier that the section also includes one of theeeee most prototypical concerned parent letters. those foul turtle comics! think of the children. which. imma include some of lairds response too cause i think its interesting to hear from. one of the guys who's. maybe most had that levied at him. like. ever?

(extra graph breaks mine) On the values of the turtles:

On think of the children:

... If you had read all of our books, you would have seen that we try to use the "off-screen" approach wherever possible, keeping the actual act of violence outside of the panel. Also, if you had taken the time to read all of our books, I'm sure you would have seen that we do not have the Turtles going out looking for trouble, fighting for the sake of fighting, being bullies, or using excessive force; just as we also do not have them cursing continuously (if at all, really) or using slang or poorly structured language excessively in fact, the Turtles by and large speak with correct grammar and syntax, and only speak otherwise when under stress or responding to excitement.

If you had spent the extra effort to really read our books, you would have also seen that the values that we promote through the Turtles' words and actions are positive ones, including respect for the rights of the individual; reverence for the wisdom that comes with age; and recognition of the value of a caring family life, among others. Yes, the Turtles aren't perfect characters - they lose their tempers, they squabble, they insult one another. But they also help others in need, and try to do the right thing, and care for each other. And isn't that they way it is in real life? Why shouldn't our comic book reflect that?

d'ya think he's mad?

I'm always concerned when I hear people fussing and fuming over sex and violence in the media; when they imply that merely being exposed to either or both will turn any child into a sociopath or psychopath. That, put quite simply, is crap. It flies in the face of all common sense: Of all the millions and millions of us who were exposed to thousands of hours of sleaze and violence on the tube and in books and magazines, how many of us turned out to be violent cases?

Think about it. There is no simple "cause and effect" relationship. What truly matters is the way the parent or parents of each child bring that child up… and that is scary to some who would rather not make the effort needed to teach their children to lead good and just lives, and finding a convenient scapegoat (comic books, movies, TV, etc.) is much more appealing, as it offers an easy cover for their own failings.

on comics as a medium:

you know what yeah i think he might have had enough.

But I would like to try to get you to see that your view of comics as a strictly children's medium is way off base. It is not now, and never has been. Think about it- just because there are large, hardcover illustrated children's books, do you expect all large, hardcover, illustrated books to be for children? Of course not; and the same holds true for all media, including comic books.

Comics can be for young kids… but they can also be for teenagers… and they can be for adults. In fact, they can be for all ages, and that is the way we approach the Turtle books. We believe they are suitable for all ages, and do not require some kind of label to protect innocent young children from their contents.

In closing, I would like to touch on one of your statements, that "At best these comics should not be printed…". I have to ask you, do you really believe that? Because if you do… well, I'll just say that I am grateful for the fact that you are not an omnipotent being, because I would hate to live in the kind of creatively constipated, simple-minded, and facistic world you would surely create.

"At best these comics should not be printed…" - have you no conception of what a mind-bogglingly insensitive and dictatorial statement that is? It's as if I were to say to you, "At best Bonnie Winter should never be allowed to speak her mind." Does that sound like the "land of the free, home of the brave" to you?

It doesn't to me.

[seewetter]

I'm really pretty certain that it's not about establishing any quality of the setting so much as an absence of a setting.

I think we can easily think of Scott Pilgrim as a story that is interested in doing the things stories do:

drawing on our shared experiences that we made in real life

connecting with us emotionally as we watch events that are intelligible to us because they have some connection to our experiences unfold

preparing us for the story through the exposition

then having us witness the story

at the end reflecting on our journey

Notice how none of these things require world-building or a setting ruleset. You can just present people with human experiences and show the audience something they'll connect with and there really is no need for them to learn or engage with rules for how the world works. In fact a certain kind of literature may even require you to sink more into feeling, to be more absorbed by scintillating sounds and vociferous vocabularies than by strict literal meaning or a sense of comfortable understanding. Or perhaps even stories and art can challenge us through ambiguity and even dismissal of frameworks we would want to build -- and setting is such a framework.

In Scott Pilgrim, the strange stuff is a way to make the setting heightened. An interpersonal conflict becomes a superpowered fight not because "the world of Scott Pilgrim has superpowered people in it" but because it was an intense conflict. Just as Bollywood movies aren't "set in a world outside of reality" any more than Hollywood movies are...it's just that many Indian film studios use song and dance for effect. Saying "the setting of a Bollywood movie is a world where people spontaneously burst into song" makes for an occasionally charming observation, a kind of not entirely mistaken truism, but it also misses the mark.

Don't get me wrong. You can totally sit down and write up wiki pages about the "Scott Pilgrim universe" or whatever. You could say it contains time travel and robots and a floating university tethered to the ground by a giant chain.

But it's no coincidence that university is only mentioned in passing. The absurdity is really a way to make it both memorable and open-ended. It's an element of the story that could be expanded upon and in this sense a part of the setting but it's also an element of the story that doesn't have to be expanded upon. Like the alien bar in the original Star Wars movie, it's just a thing that exists to entertain, not really a thing that exists to necessarily have fictional reality.

People who read or watch Scott Pilgrim and don't keep track of the weird stuff that keeps happening are going to be fine, actually. They are not watching that show or reading that comic wrong. If any weirdness is important to the story, it will show up repeatedly. If any weirdness is just weirdness, it will fall by the wayside. Perhaps it will never be contradicted in text, but that almost seems secondary. The subspace highway in Scott Pilgrim's head for example is not a "region of the world" that needs to be fleshed out or explored.

Basically, figuring out the world of Scott Pilgrim is very much an optional part of the viewing experience, because Scott Pilgrim is set in our world. Not "our world Earth" but "our world of experiences".

That's why I wouldn't really agree it has a Nonsense Limit of 10. Because Scott Pilgrim isn't more alien or more different than a normal world.

In one manner of speaking, it is far more like our world than Middle-Earth: not because Middle-Earth is more ancient but because Middle-Earth wants to invite you to learn Sindarin and Quenya and because Tolkien spent all that time making sure travel distances made logical sense. Tolkien was a world-builder and his world-creation is meant to be investigated as a setting. You are meant to ask about the history of rivers and mountains and hobbits and ent-wives. Tolkien wants you to think about that and is convinced it will be central to your experience of reading his books.

Scott Pilgrim is a good example of what happens when we live in the shadow of Tolkien and just try to apply the concept of world-building and crafting a setting to all stories, even stories where the only "world-building" that is happening exists to provide a better flow while reading or watching. The League of Evil Exes exist as permanent antagonists but they exist to explore a topic with depth. They don't exist so that they are "a faction" in the world of Scott Pilgrim, they exist to talk about the relationship between Scott and Ramona and about Scott's need to mature. The more you think about the League as a living breathing part of the setting, the less you understand their narrative purpose, their reason for showing up and doing stuff.

And in another way of speaking, Scott Pilgrim just doesn't have a world. That's why the "nonsense" is nonsensical, to make that clear to as many people as possible.

Most stories just don't really have settings. We just tell ourselves they do. You can reword that and say "they don't have coherent settings" but the point is they were not meant to have a setting, the setting is an accidental byproduct of the main event: the story.

Star Trek and Supernatural have a unique conflict each week. There is a backdrop that provides the audience with some basic points of orientation (the Federation, the rules of non-interference, the holodeck, the transporter room, the warp drive, Klingons, Vulcans and Ferengi) but watching Star Trek is very different from, say, watching the news IRL or reading Tolkien. There are countless logical inconsistencies, gaps, absurdities, people just having fun in the writers room, writers begging you to forget established details so they can just do their thing.

But Star Trek can't ever do it's thing in peace, because it has consistently been viewed as intellectual property (meaning that a Gorn alien that fights Kirk once in the original series will show up again in later Star Trek spin-offs) and because it sends mixed signals to the audience: how are people who see Romulans for the first time supposed to know that Romulans are a core part of Star Trek and a thing that will recur, while ...say...the Sheliak are not a core part of the show and will be disregarded after one appearance?

Scott Pilgrim on the other hand makes all of this super clear. No world-building concept is clearly explained. No world-building concept is ever detailed. Every concept that is used more extensively (time travel) is obvious to the audience (we know what time travel is). Things are over the top.

I think the reason people don't get it is because on one hand the characters are often treating the weird stuff as a normal part of the world (which makes audiences think that there is a world to be thinking about) and because Tolkien and countless other factors have influenced us to always try and reconstruct things about the setting a story takes place in. The idea that Scott Pilgrim only superficially seems to take place anywhere and that it's main concern is really connecting with Toronto, Ontario more so than with imaginary elements used by the storytelling is likely pretty alien to people. I wouldn't be surprised if some people keep pointing at the comic and show saying "but see, see, it has locations and recognizable features. There's a setting"...of course there's a setting. It's just not intended. "But it's got all kinds of intentional world-building. Look at the vegan portals. Or the league of evil exes". Yeah, it has intentional elements...but it's not intended as a setting.

Put it this way:

Instead of writing a story and trying to come up with a world and giving that world all kinds of creatures, factions, magic systems and the like, imagine writing a story and adding in memories for people to connect to. We all connect with being a certain age and kind of lost, right? Or trying to find company with another person? Or making a terrible, immature mistake? Or doing something because we felt like it was the right thing to do (Ramona trying to find Scott)? And then you add other stuff you think would work or be weird but fun. You can even illogically contradict it later on as long as it's not too important. There, is that so bad?

You don't have to treat setting as a core part of story writing. It isn't. You can feel relieved that your story has a Nonsense Limit of 10. Or you can feel really relieved that your story can be whatever it wants and Nonsense Limits are not a thing anyone ever actually thinks about while writing. You choose if your story has a serious or nonsensical tone. And you choose if your story has odd things happening in it. All's fair in love and art. Don't be discouraged.

Scott Pilgrim is, I think, the best example I can think of for establishing a setting's Nonsense Limit. The setting's Nonsense Limit isn't quite "How high-fantasy is this". It's mostly a question of presentation, to what degree does the audience feel that they know the rules the world operates by, such that they are primed to accept a random new element being introduced. A setting with a Nonsense Limit of 0 is, like, an everyday story. Something larger than life, but theoretically taking place in our world, like your standard spy thriller action movie has a limit of 1. Some sort of hidden world urban fantasy with wizards and stuff operating in secret has a nonsense limit around 3 or 4. A Superhero setting, presenting an alternate version of our world, is a 5 or 6. High fantasy comes in around a 7 or so, "Oh yeah, Wizards exist and they can do crazy stuff" is pretty commonly accepted. Scott Pilgrim comes in at a 10. If you read the Scott Pilgrim book, it starts off looking like a purely mundane slice of life. The first hint at the fantastical is Ramona appearing repeatedly in Scott's Dreams, and then later showing up in real life. When we finally get an explanation, it's this:

Apparently Subspace Highways are a thing? And they go through people's heads? And Ramona treats this like it's obscure, but not secret knowledge. Ramona doesn't think she's doing anything weird here. At this point, it's not clear if Scott is accepting Ramona's explanation or not, things kind of move on as mundane as ever until their Date, when Ramona takes Scott through subspace, and he doesn't act like his world was just blown open or anything, although I guess that could have been a metaphor. there's a couple other moments, but everything with Ramona could be a metaphor, or Scott not recognizing what's going on. Maybe Ramona is uniquely fantastical in this otherwise normal world. And then, this happens

Suddenly, a fantastical element (A shitty local indie band finishing their set with a song that knocks out most of the audience) is introduced unrelated to Ramona, and undeniably literal. We see the crowd knocked out by Crash and The Boys. but the story doesn't linger on the implications of that, the whole point of that sequence is to raise the Nonsense Level, such that you accept it when This happens

Matthew Patel comes flying down onto the stage, Scott, who until this point is presented as a terrible person and a loser, but otherwise is extremely ordinary, proceeds to flawlessly block and counter him before doing a 64-hit air juggle combo. Scott's friends treat this like Scott is showing off a mildly interesting party trick, like being really good at darts. The establish that Scott is the "Best Fighter in the Province", not only are street-fighter battles a thing, Scott is Very Good at it, but they're so unimportant that being the best fighter in the province doesn't make Scott NOT a loser. So when Matthew Patel shows off his magic powers and then explodes into a pile of coins, we've established "Oh, this is how silly the setting gets". It's not about establishing the RULES of the setting so much as it is about establishing a lack of rules. Scott's skill at street-fighter battles doesn't translate to any sort of social prestige. Ramona can access Subspace Highways and she uses it to do a basic delivery job. It doesn't make sense and it's clear that it's not supposed to. So later on, when Todd Ingram starts throwing around telekinesis, and the explanation we're given is "He's a Vegan" , you're already so primed by the mixture of weirdness and mundanity that rather than trying to incorporate this new knowledge into any sort of coherent setting ruleset, you just go "Ah, yeah, Vegans".

[beatsboy]

7.5.24 day 12 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

brat in the street

found an old song on a sheet of paper written before my egg cracked. revealing

fuck you, you’re not my king, it ends. funny that my first single is literally “(i’m your) king” and it’s about my breakup

used my uber eats for the first time in like a year and it came with my deadname. amazing

tested positive for covid after rushing out of my house to go pick up my friend’s dog i’m taking care of while they’re out of town, thinking i was just coming down with a cold (there was no human interaction in this exchange)

after driving/walking from 10am til 1pm essentially i came home, feeling like shit, and decided to take a covid test, and here we are

i miss tb so much when i get sick. i miss the way they would make me soup, tea, bring it to me in bed. how we’d watch studio ghibli movies and pretend it wasn’t sunny outside so i would feel less trapped indoors. i miss the way they never cared that i was sick in the way i do, in the way that i’m afraid of getting sick (partially because i’m immunocompromised, but i was v paranoid even before i found that out). they’d just cuddle me, hold me, take care of me, and do chores in between while i was sleeping during the day

and i was always so upset. why? just because i got sick. because i couldn’t do things. in the last year of our relationship, i remember getting covid before fluid, being so upset i couldn’t prep and work and get money for the show. when i got covid the first time, in the first year of our relationship, i was so upset i couldn’t be there for cori, and yet, i was given a chance, to just be taken care of and do nothing else. realizing now, that that was the only time i’ve ever really had that, other than zeke (hs boyfriend lmao do not have to redact his name bc i know he will never see this), and i regret not cherishing it in the moment, instead being so angry at the illness in my body stopping me

i know i crave tb and grow weaker in this breakup (it’s been over a year since we broke up sort of, but we spent all last summer being in and out of it, broken up but not very well), in september it will have been a year since they moved out. since it was really real. it wasn’t real before then. we kept trying to go back to us, to see the changes in action, but every time we tried to put them in action, after seeing ourselves be able to do it on our own, the work, the healthy behaviors, we would just fall into the same cycles. and by september, i was done. i was done trying, working. i was exhausted. we almost spent $3000 on couples therapy. we were 26! i know now, all we needed was space and independence, and to work on our own respective traumas. and then there is the question if i want to be with this person at all, beyond codependency, beyond the linger, beyond the rumination, beyond the addiction

i know, that after a breakup, you spend so long in the ruminating phase, as they’re calling it these days. or, at least i do. i spent 4 out of 5 years of my flirtationship with my ex, jb, ruminating, pining, and thinking that someday we would end up together. of course, i dated other people, fucked other people, but i was never over him. not even when i dated kc, my girlfriend after college. not even then had i really gotten over him. and then, one day i did, like magic, and everything changed. i hate to give credit to him, and it wasn’t just him of course, it was going no contact with my father (and dating jb was very much an instance of wow i dated my dad), allowed me a freedom i had never known before. the awareness of being perceived by that kind of man was holding me back so much more than i would have liked to thought. my idea of myself revolved around what i thought both those men would find impressive (dad) or attractive (jb), and most of the time both in my ex’s case.

i never had that fear with tb. i never worried about them finding me attractive or impressive. i never worried about how they would perceive me. i changed in front of their eyes, and there were some hard conversations along the way (i.e. do you like men or do you just like me, because if you’re not legit sexually attracted to men you can’t be attracted to me) and i watched them change, too. but, by the end of our relationship, i was a completely different person. i act like i changed so much from 2020 to the end of 2021, and i did. i shaved my head, i tattooed my face, i did things i didn’t even know existed, i also got very addicted to cocaine. and tb met me in that era, when i was a femme karaoke queen who was in the middle of the most succession ass family drama they’ve ever heard in real life. and they just, loved me. and they watched me grow and change, soften and harden, break down and rebuild myself. reinvent myself. again.

but i remember also, when i had to buy myself flowers. when i had to choose all our date nights. when i became so in charge for some reason. and they would do things for me, anything i asked, but eventually, they never did things i didn’t ask for. i asked for a lot, i know. things were unbalanced, in both directions

i think about “king” my song from our breakup. it was all about ownership. love is not belonging to someone, i know that now, that’s just how i was taught. i don’t want to love like a king, i don’t even want to live like one. it sounds so lonely, and i am already feeling a bit too much of that at the moment.

i know this is a lung disease but finally broke down and smoked some weed to help me sleep, and maybe eat something. it’s hard to eat without it, and i don’t have a lot of food at home right now (will probably have to really give in and instacart tomorrow)

tb offered to come bring me groceries even though they’re working for the next 7 days basically. why can’t i just let them love me

i need it

i want it