#do u even know what a pension is

[idkmybffjaden]

So I've been laughing now for about a week over this encounter I had, where the person I was chatting with on tumblr goes,

"Wow, you're old!"

ok but

what if

maybe you're just young??

[suntails]

🐙⚔️

[generational-atrophy]

Can I request Russia x reader? Ivan loves PDA and his S/O looks small and not dangerous. But one day S/O beats the shit out of Alfred because he made fun of Ivan's PDA.

hetalia with a small s/o who stands up for him

1.0k words ~ gender neutral headcanons + scenario

tw: swearing, alfred is a dick

a/n: ivan i vlove you sosososoosos much . did u guys know that hes my favouritest boy in all the lands????

A small and adorable S/O is exactly what Ivan wants in a partner!

He's very aware of how ironic it is that you two are together, and he can't help but find it a little entertaining at least. Normally, he pretends he doesn't though. He'd never admit it unless it was in a completely concealed joke.

You always come with him everywhere. Sometimes it's because he wants to show you off, sometimes it's because he wants you to lose it and go off on people. Every time you defend him, his heart nearly bursts out of his chest (It has done that before. Physically. It was horrifying) with love and adoration.

It just means the world to him that you think he's worth standing up for. Almost no one has ever done that for him before.

So obviously, he's very protective of you in return. Especially considering how people treat you as well, he's thrown a couple of people out of places (Again, physically) for you before.

He knows that you can defend yourself, but you're just so small and delicate! Like an adorable woodland critter! And if you got hurt under his watch, he could never forgive himself.

Also, yes, Ivan would LOOOVE PDA.

Even at the most inappropriate of times. He doesn't have any social awareness at the best of times, but when he sees you, his single shred of shame goes flying out the window.

As shy as he may be, he's not shy with you. Besides, when he’s affectionate, he gets to show the rest of his friends how much his S/O loves him <3 which is always a priority.

As soon as you two arrived at the G8 afterparty, you knew it was going to turn bad. A bunch of thousand-year-old men with a million issues with each other, getting drunk at some random American bar? Well, what could go wrong? That's what Ivan asked, at least. But really you were asking yourself, what could go right?

Yao wasted no time in calling you over, and Alfred wasted no time getting shitfaced. How they let him drink that much when he looked barely 21 and had an ID with a moustache drawn on it, you'll never know.

As you watched him begin hounding the bartender to play something more “patriotic,” Francis nudged you in the side.

”Just like his father, eh?“ He commented, causing you and Ivan to chuckle lightly.

That chaos continued for hours, with the two of you eventually joining in on the drinking. The tab that the 9 of you racked up must've been the budget of all of New York, but that's what government pensions are for, right? Besides, it's not often the group could get along without tearing each other apart. Might as well enjoy yourselves.

Well, enjoy yourselves for the most part. Because the moment Alfred dared to say a single thing about holding down his drink, Ivan of course had to challenge him. Despite the pleas of everyone around them, their boyish pride was not swayed in the slightest.

Alfred didn't last long. To everyone else that was inevitable, but it seems the young man didn't appreciate being outdone.

”Well, of course, you won! All you people do is drink!“ He slurred, holding onto the table for support as he approached Ivan, who didn't seem to care about the American's taunts.

”I do plenty of things, Alfred.“

”Yeah, like make your entire family hate you?“ Ivan's smile didn't falter, but he visibly tensed.

”Funny, I believe I could say the same thing to you!“

”I don't need my family, that's why I don't hang out with those weird Europeans! But you? Ever since your sisters abandoned you, your- your life has been a trainwreck!” He exclaims, breaking into laughter.

Ivan's smile faltered, and the air in the room became cold. The other nations turned to face the two, fearing the worst already.

“Don't say these things, you know they are not true,” His eyes flicker to you for a moment.

“If that's true, name a single thing that's gone well for you in the last 10- no, fuck, 30 years!”

“Simple, my lovely partner-”

“Yeah, your partner who you spend every waking moment being gross with!” 

Ivan failed to respond to that, his cheeks turning just the slightest bit pink.

“It’s almost like you’re trying to prove that they love you. Which like-” He started laughing again, “We all know you’re just paying them to date y-”

Alfred's speech was cut off as you launched your fist directly into his face.

He pulled back, looking at you in absolute disbelief. When he held a hand to his face again, he found it wet with blood leaking from his nose.

“You-” He started to say.

“Stop being an ass to my boyfriend”

Alfred's drunken face contorted in rage, standing up and immediately towering over you.  

“How- You’re so little- Wh-”

“OK! That's enough everyone! Let's go home now!” Ludwig forced both of you to step back, frantically trying to diffuse the situation.

“Yeah- I- I have to go as well...” Francis added, looking between you and Alfred in panic.

“M-Me too…” Japan sputtered out, already packing his bags.

-

As you and Ivan rode the metro to return to your shared hotel room, you sat in silence. At first, you thought it was because he was upset. With you? With Alfred's comments? You'd learned it was better not to ask.

At least, that's what you thought until you noticed the smile plastered on his face. Despite that, he failed to say barely anything the entire time.

That was until you two stepped onto the station platform, when he turned to you and said softly, “Thank you, my dear.”

“For... punching your friend?”

”Of course. What else?“

[dlairlonia]

how do you see your manifestations as of now? A GENERAL, TAROT READING 𓇼 by Lonia 𓇼 10823

ෆ˚⋆୨୧⋆˚ෆ No license to love, insurance to hold

A GENERAL, PICK-A-CARD (PHOTO) READING ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚ As a Tarot reader passing information onto you, I hereby pass on the responsibility to you, the reader, the authority to manage your every wellbeing as a human being after taking in information (Tarot reading) that declares to be for entertainment purposes only. This is a note that I am not responsible for anything except for what I type and upload for the public to see. If you have any concerns with what I have published, please message me privately. - Lonia

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷˚ ༘✶

... pile 1 🌸🍀✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

You see your manifestations as truly pleasant, good in investing long term. However, there is this feeling of obsecurity; of uncertainy and/or insecurity. This manifestation, as I see it, is splitting your identity apart and it may help you, however you look at it----although does it really do justice? Think but not lavishly with this. The way you apply the feeling of knowing you have it, which is the main goal, do you do it or do you focus on the feeling of something else? I know you are in the right path, your guides know this, PLEASE kindly redirect yourself to making the visions all about your feelings. To sum it up, most of you are most likely staying in this state of lack.

(I am not confessing to be a states girlie, it is just the focal point of manifestation that FEELING is the secret. Embody that 'I AM'. It is what YOU allow that persists.)

Let us say, or assume that you are manifesting refinement most aspects in your life. Money, love, desired body and face all-in-one; this desire makes you feel good. It makes you feel pleasant. There is moments that is baffling or truly confusing. I feel you are confused. When I try to make up visions of you, pile 1, I feel us both confused. Some of you may not know what you want, this creates a lack of stability and balance, this hurts you deeply. I will not swim in the ocean deeper as I sense it is more of a personal 'life' problem than having the struggle to choose what to manifest in an inclination, just to fancy, or a mere whim.

I, as well, just have to say that this is an incredibly reflective pile that chooses to FEEL. Instead of feeling the worse, why not the one that makes you truly spark? My darlings, take control of your own life and remember to be kind as equally as to have a nerve. Retire what perpetuates harm in you or does not benefit you and never take a single damned cent out of that pension. Be cautious, darlings.

LOVE U. Lonia.

... pile 2 🌸🍀✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

You are doing a magnificent job, darling. However, do you find yourself being too nitpicky with dealing the concept of manifesting? This may be being overly critical with what you want; a focus to being on the road to perfection when visualizing, finding the right words like a pedantic for your affirmations only to leave you not 'feeling it'? 9 is signifcant for some here. (this was incredibly random however I think this is meant for a specific reader). This, in result, somehow distorts the way you see your manifestations. Even in a subtle fashion. This might have hurt the relationship with your vision of the world or yourself.

All of you are doing great with this manifesting process of yours. Anyway, pile 2, this pile is all about wealth; money, extravaganza, or even business/careers. If any venus or aquarius placements here in particular, greetings darling! Most of you see your manifestations as for 'reaching for the stars', top notch, out of your league---this in return makes you feel insecure. and may it be that some are truly confident and being .that.bitch., however some may feel insecure and avoids feeling 'it'. Thinking about this concern may give headaches and dehydration. Do take care, my dear.

Just so all of you know, you do not have to sacrifice yourself to have it. No matter your gender or sex, stand tall with grace and have a little faith. Not blind faith. Never forget yourself as this is all about you! You only truly have to be. Be it. Pushing yourself too hard has this similar feeling to a knife or a dagger burying deeper in your raw flesh; you lose yourself or what makes you live. Like pile 1, we must remember to redirect. Redirect. Redirect.

I heard "be your own father, stand up and have faith" ???

LOVE U. Lonia.

... pile 3 🌸🍀✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

As much as most of the people in pile 3 share the same mindset or self-concept; or let us say truly worked on their self-concept and it shows, my darlings, we are still uniquely different in what we are facing or who we are today. The DEATH card showed up and this does not mean macabre things to happen, as we know of it some are facing 'opportunities' or events challenges their identity, their 'I AM'. This, in return, warps or changes the way may it be you, how you see your manifestations. Go back to the source in which what allows the change which is you, your I AM. You 'being'.

I sense that this pile must be self-concept focused rather than 'manifesting' a desire they have ifykyk. Calm and a wee bit contented. There is no equivocation. It is an assumption for me that pile 3 may be seeing their manifestations as an 'accesory' per se., like getting a Birkin bag, Dior cosmetics, a boyfriend, a phone or seeing signs. Maybe a travelling (aeroplane) ticket too.

Most of you, I sense that there is not a lack of struggle. However, if you are struggling, know you either have it or you do not. Be confident and feel you have it. Do not focus on admiring that desire, focus on admiring the fact that you HAVE your desire. Feeling is the secret, darling.

Also, my darlings for pile 3, voice out what you fancy to. Even if you do it in a subtle fashion, YOU WILL STILL BE HEARD. Remember that. I assume that most may have fire placements or Leo/Aries and are incredibly on fire during this Leo SZN. Be u and shine bright.

LOVE U. Lonia.

[stvharrngton]

in a steve boyfriend mood :/ but like, the sweet pre-boyfriend part yknow? like the “does she like me? is this platonic?”, the pining omg

i feel like he’d naturally just bring up a lot of coupley topics yk - like he’d talk all the time about the future, like how many kids do u want? do u wanna get married? fall in love? what colour house do u want? do u like this kitchen design? all the while he’s sat there daydreaming about ur answers and ur sat there like “this is… platonic :]”

he’d huff and shush u about stuff that definitely isn’t platonic but he just really really needs to do. like if the friend group goes on a trip he’s definitely slyly fighting tooth n nail to share a sleeping space with u, and to cuddle all nice and warm and he’s like a cat rubbing his face into ur neck and sighing until he drops off into a dream. definitely wakes up still in his “We’re married with a few kids and a baby on the way!!!!!” fantasy so when u wake up to him half asleep rubbing ur tummy ur like “Steve??? U okay??”

i thjnk he’d be embarrassed but also like 🥰🥰🥰 “yeah had the nicest dream”

like he’s sooooo the type to accidentally jump the gun, like he’s already daydreamed so much about asking you out/to be his/on a date that in his head now, ur on the stage of pension plans and mowing the lawn in retirement

ohhh yeah pre dating friends to lovers my beloved <3

yeah stevie boy is so obsessed with you like. he knows you’re it for him, knows you’re the one, knows you’re who he wants to spend the rest of his life with and start a family with. you might be completely oblivious to this fact LMAO but steve isn’t. like, he’s convinced this is where his life is headed.

he’s fully planned out your life together, planned how he’d propose. what your wedding will be like, how many kids you’ll have. he’s picked out the house you’ll grow old in together, even has your kids names all picked out already 😭 he’s just so smitten with you, even if you’re just friends (for now) he spends every waking minute daydreaming of you and your life together

SIGHHHH 😭

[player1064]

How about something fluffy fluff where they have been in a situationship/fwb for a few years, both thinking the other one doesn't want anything serious, but irl both are insanely in love with each other and pining, until finally one of them cracks and confesses.

Your drabbles bring me so much joy, thank you. You should also continue the wife-gary saga.

I WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING DUMB AND SILLY AND FLUFFY BUT OHHHH NO. MY BRAIN HAD OTHER IDEAS. Obviously the other day I was like 'in the wife-gary saga they were fwb who spent lockdown together' and so I wanted to write that but then it hit me just like. just what an Ordeal the lockdowns were and how insane it made everyone. So this came out less 'silly fluff' and a lot more 'earnest pining'. oops?

Also I've mentioned this on the carraville discord but did u guys know Gary and Jamie were literally together when the lockdowns first got announced like they literally watched the broadcast together then like. had to immediately pack up and go home. I feel INSANE every time I think about it. tbh.

---

“Feels a bit like the end of the world,” Jamie says one day, lounging on the sofa while the news plays softly in the background.

Gary looks over at him from where he’s sat a respectable distance away at the other end of the couch. “Yeah,” he says quietly, “it does a bit.”

Jamie had been thinking about saying – well, it doesn’t really matter, because he’s been thinking about saying it for three weeks now and still hasn’t got up the nerve. Instead, he smirks and says “y’know, in all the disaster movies I’ve seen the rich bastards always fuck off somewhere safe, don’t they?” He looks around Gary’s huge living room. “Maybe that pension of yours has finally come in handy, eh?”

“I dunno,” Gary says. “All just feels a bit wrong, to be fair.” He gets up with a sigh, brushes some imaginary lint off his trousers. “You got any more filming to do today, or d’you fancy helping me in kitchen?”

For a brief moment, Jamie considers making up some interview he has to go off and record so that he can avoid another dreaded ‘Gary (who can’t cook) tries to teach Jamie how to cook’ session, but then he remembers that this lockdown thing is already stretching out for weeks and weeks ahead of him, and if he’s going to be stuck here all that time he should probably try pulling his weight a bit more.

“Fine, but I’m not peeling any more fuckin’ carrots.”

*

When Jamie’s loading the dishwasher after dinner, Gary rests a hand on his hip and kisses him, soft and sweet.

“Come to bed?” he murmurs against Jamie’s lips, and Jamie wonders if he even remembers how to deny him anything.

*

Except he does remember how, and he hates himself for it. Because when Gary, already half-asleep, loosely wraps a hand around his wrist and says “stay,” he gently extracts himself from the tangle of sheets and goes back to the spare room.

*

They somehow manage to carry on like this, days spent on zoom calls from separate studies, evenings spent trying to muddle their way through whatever recipes they find online. Nights, more often than not, spent in separate bedrooms.

They’re actually having less sex, now that they’re living under the same roof. Before, every time they’d seen each other had been an excuse to find somewhere private to sneak off together, every accidental touch in studios or in stadiums had felt charged.

Now, they argue over what shows to watch on Netflix. They work out together most mornings in Gary’s little home gym. They stay up far later than two middle aged men have any right to, heckling each other through games of fifa and mario kart.

Sometimes, Jamie looks over at Gary and he’s got that same look in his eye that he normally only gets when he’s about to kiss Jamie. Sometimes Jamie smiles at the expression, starts to lean in, is left confused when Gary blushes and moves away.

Sometimes Gary does kiss him. Sometimes Gary does more than kiss him. It’s easy, familiar. Comforting. It’s a dance they’ve been practicing for four years now.

It’s still just as hard to return to his own bed afterwards as it had been four years ago.

*

Three months becomes six months becomes a year, and Jamie dreads going back to his own house, to the thick layer of dust that’s waiting for him there, to that quiet emptiness that he’s only just learnt to live without.

He almost catches himself thinking that he hates Liverpool.

But life has to go back to normal, that’s what everyone’s saying, so he packs up his things while Gary watches from the doorway of the spare room.

“Stay,” he says.

It’s the first time he’s asked without the excuse of the sleepy post-orgasm haze to hide behind. It’s the first time Jamie has to actually give an answer.

He shrugs, keeps his focus on the suitcase lying open in front of him. “No more lockdowns,” he says, all forced casualness. “’s not like either of us have much use for a housemate.”

“Jamie,” Gary says, taking a step into the room. “Stay.”

Jamie turns to look at him.

Gary won’t meet his eyes, is staring unblinking at a spot on the wall instead, lips pursed tightly together. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides.

Jamie really, really doesn’t want to go home.

“Maybe I can swing another week or two,” he says carefully, reaching out to brush the back of Gary’s hand.

He feels shaky fingers lace with his own, sees Gary’s eyes crinkle in a not-quite-smile. “D’you think y’could stretch it to a month?”

“Hows about a year?”

Gary breathes a heavy sigh of relief, his whole face breaking into a wide grin. “Hows about ten?”

“Fuck, Gary,” Jamie breathes, pulls him in by the front of his shirt. He kisses him firmly, then rests a hand on his cheek and says “rest of our lives, that’s me final offer.”

“You drive a hard bargain,” Gary says, and kisses him again.

*

Later, they’re lying in Gary’s bed and Jamie’s not even thinking about the spare room.

Gary’s got the duvet pulled up to cover his bare chest, glasses perched on his nose while he scrolls on his phone.

“You got any plans a month from Thursday?” he asks idly.

“Not had any plans in a year, lad, might take a while for the calendar to fill back up. Why?”

“Fancy gettin’ married?”

Gary’s still just looking at his phone, his tone still light, but there’s a faint blush rising in his cheeks.

“Hmm, I’m still waitin’ on a better offer,” Jamie teases, “but I reckon I can pencil you in.”

[pacifymebby]

t r o u b l e // chapter eleven

Chapter List

She isn't losing that job Fen, I told you, I'll sort all of that...

Tommys words echoed around my head as I tried my best to practice my exercises. The more they swirled around my head the tighter I felt inside, the more I felt myself sinking into the uncomfortable stew I was brewing in my mind.

I'd my eyes closed, a pair of headphones on as I moved through the phases of my exercise a little more shakily than usual. I'd not managed a single step perfectly so far that morning and although I wanted to blame my brother entirely, that vague promise he'd made to me earlier that morning, I knew it wasn't just that.

I knew I was fucking up for more than one reason.

There were three main reasons and one of them was that I was too caught up in the trouble with Sonya to really concentrate and apply myself to my practice. The second could be blamed on Tommy too, the fact that Isaiah was sitting in the window, smoking a cigarette, watching me quietly, a small smirk gracing his lips whenever I stumbled off balance and swore.

I'd told him he didn't have to stay and watch me, in fact I'd told him I'd rather he didn't watch me because I needed to concentrate, however Isaiah had just grinned.

"You sayin I make it hard for you to concentrate love?" he'd murmured, getting a little too close for comfort before cracking a laugh and pinching my cheek, "come on twinketoes whats the fuss, aren't you supposed to enjoy being watched... Ain't that what they pay you for?"

"No ones payin me Isaiah..." I'd mumbled rolling my eyes at him, wishing he'd drop the game he was playing. Because I wasn't stupid, I knew that all those flirtatious comments he was making were a game to him, that he just liked seeing if he could still wind me up and embarass me the way he'd been able to when we were younger.

Now he was sitting there, one leg stretched out in front of him the other bent and lent on by his elbow as he smoked. Watching me practice. The feeling of his eyes on my body as it wavered and fell in and out of shape, making my ears burn. His eyes on me meant that I couldn't think clearly, couldn't concentrate through the buzz of anxiety he was stirring inside me.

I felt painfully self-concious in a way I only ever felt when I was at school dancing for the matre in the front of the rest of my peers, knowing that half of them knew I wasn't matching up to the reputation of my twin. Knowing that I was embarassing myself trying and yet too stupid and stubborn and desperate to give up.

That was how I felt now too in front of Isaiah, too desperate to prove myself, so much so that even when my muscles trembled with the pressure and I could feel the ache in my very bones because I was trying too hard, I couldn't stop. I had to keep pushing through the pain.

But every time I got close to pushing myself a little further, Tommy's stupidity blundered into me again and knocked my confidence.

"You supposed to be shakin so much lass you look like you've got that fuckin parkinsons thing pensioners get..."

"Shut up Isaiah!" I growled doing my best to ignore him. Keeping my eyes closed so I wouldn't have to see his pleased little smirk. That arrogant self amusement in his eyes when he laughed.

"Temper temper..."

"Haven't got a temper," I said turning away from him, feeling a little less like ripping his throat out now that I'd seen him snile, "thats just a horrid thing to joke about..."

"Work for your family don't I love, a little jokes hardly the worst thing I've done..."

"Yeah well," I said giving up on my steps and sitting down, thinking that perhaps I could do my stretches and loosen up a little more, "thats a horrid thing to joke about too," I said reaching forward with my arms to grab my toes and fold myself in half.

I felt the tug in my lower back and breathed in deeply, trying my best not to let Isaiah get to me when he smirked and made another reductive comment which got under my skin.

"Wasn't joking Syl..."

I didn't reply, didn't want to grace his smirk with a response because I knew there was no winning or getting a one up on him. Isaiah always had an answer for everything and had I humoured him and risen to his teasing I knew he'd have carried on smirking whilst I got more and more wound up or flustered and it would end the way all my other conversations with him ended. A deep sense of humiliation and a little anxiety stitched through.

So I ignored him, focusing my efforts on holding my stretch, feeling the ache in my back, the resistence from my tired muscles.

"You stuck like that or somet lass?" he asked after a minute or two. I'd been finally feeling the relief of having held the position long enough for my muscles to ease and relax, the tension stretched out of them, but with Isaiah's little joke I felt them clench right back up.

"Saiah please shut the fuck up..." I sighed, squeezing my eyes tight shut as I felt my spine finally relaxing into the stretch, allowing me to reach just a little bit further.

"Sorry sweetheart I'm just trying to lighten the mood..." he smirked turning his attention back to the window.

"What mood, there is no mood..."

"Aye exactly..." he chuckled leaving ne to roll my eyes as I slowly began splitting my legs, trying to ease myself down fully until my pelvis was touching the floor and my hips were open fully. I was stressed however and that meant my usual flexibility had gone out the window.

I winced as I tried to push forward, pushing my ribcage lower towards the ground until I was lying flat and I could feel the floor digging in sharp and harsh against me. It was a comfort to feel things like that however, it told me I was still alright, still small enough, still strong enough.

"See Bonnie and Sonya are off on a nice little walk, we're meant to be mates love and you're being more cold with me that your sister is with a total stranger..." he carried on in such a sullen tone that he almost sounded wounded and I couldn't hold in my laugh.

"Whats the matter, am I the first girl you've ever had to try with..."

I'd surprised myself, my cheeks flushing the second the sarcastic little snipe had slipped from my lips. Imy frustration had clearly gotten the better of me and now Isaiah was looking at me with a startled smirk. Uncertain when he smiled coyly and slipped down from the window to crouch at my side.

"That what you'd like to hear eh love? That I want your attention?"

His voice so low and thick by my ear made me jump and when I flinched he stood back up, smirking to himself, a selfsatisfied chuckle painting my cheeks red.

"Get fucked Saiah..." I said narrowing my eyes at him as I slowly unwound myself from my splits and stood up. As I stood there shaking each leg I took the opportunity to try and catch the view of Sonya and Bonnie out the window. I wondered if they really did look as close as Isaiah had tried to convince me. But I was too short to see anything but the sky and the tops of the trees from where I stood and I didn't want to show Isaiah my interest by trying to get a better view.

"You gonna do this all day or what? You know your brothers all said you were working too hard at that school..."

"What the fuck else am I supposed to do?" I snapped then, turning to him with a sudden rush of emotion.

It was strange the way it had hit me so suddenly. The way his voice just carrying on, so careless, so laidback, had grated and grated on me, chipping away at the last of my patience until I was stood there holding back tears, glaring at him the way my sister had done earlier that morning. Except I didn't look quite like Sonya, not identical anyway. Where her eyes had been brimming with heartache mine had grown dark and dewy with something else. A kind of anger, a kind of despair, a kind of fear for the desperare injustice I perceived but which no one else seemed phased by at all.

When he saw me he hesitated, recognised in me those some tears he'd seen in Sonya only hours before.

"Ey am sorry lass don't get upset..." he said beginning of the ti backtrack, "didn't mean to upset you I was just sayin... Maybe you should ease off you know, you ain't going to your classes and you haven't got rehearsals so maybe you could..."

"Give up?" I asked starkly, my eyes wide almost startled like some victorian era mad women in the attick starring dead ahead with all these emotions shes couldn't express. "That it yeah? Me big brother and his fuckin stupid friends are all at war so now I have to just fuckin give up everything I've ever wanted yeah? Just like that? And I'm not even allowed to be fuckin sad about it? Not even allowed to ask a single fuckin question for fear that Tommy fuckin Shelby should have to justify his fuckin insane plans?"

"That's not what I said love..." he tried to cut me off again, all hands raised in defence, stupid smirk wiped clean away now that he was faced with a girl and her feelings. "Don't twist me words lass alright, I just meant..."

"I know what you fuckin meant," I said finally willing myself to move from the spot I'd rooted to, snatching my shrug off the chair by the door as I swept past him. It wasn't a storming out, wasn't a tantrum as such, just a quiet, quick exit, one which left a thick condensing tension lingering behind me.

He didn't try to follow me, at least not for a moment. The hallway was quiet and I moved with determination in no particular direction, only certain that I needed to get as far away from the likes of my brothers and their stupid "gangster" friends. For a moment I considered running to Ada. I hadn't spoken to my big sister for a long time but I trusted her with all my heart and I'd always looked up to her. She'd always been my fierce defender and perhaps now, when we were both being forced to remain in the Shelby manor against our will she would listen to my rage with sympathetic ears. Perhaps she would let me say everything I wanted to say...

But when I turned down the hallway towards her bedroom another door opened and someone else stopped me in my tracks.

I gasped when my face hit Arthur's chest, when I felt him stumble back in surprise losing his balance and tripping into the wall. His arms closed around me and took me with him, his hold on me an undeserved hug.

"Careful sweetheart runnin round like that, don't want any accidents do we..." he said rubbing my back as he stayed put leaning against the wall, letting me stay put too. For a minute we just stood there, him rubbing my back, me with my arms wrapped around his waist, holding onto the back of his long sleeve pyjama tshirt, the cotton clutched in my fist.

Then when I felt his hand lift, held up for a moment in the air I knew that Isaiah had followed me. That Arthur was sending him away so that I wouldn't have to.

"What you runnin round like that for anyway Fen, fucken Isaiah doin your head in or what?" he grinned, his slow steady way of speaking soothing my temper as I pulled away from his hug and looked up at him, silently assessing the damage left by the attempted hit.

"Your head looks sore..." I said softly noting the bruise and the dried blood around his temple left by some kind of blunt force trauma, "did you go the hospital for that, you might be concussed?"

"I'm fine love don't you worry about me," he said catching me again in his embrace, one hand resting on top of my head as he held onto me. "You ain't though, got a rate face on ain't you..."

"Its nothing, Isaiahs just 'doin me head in' can't practice cause he won't shut up," I said imitating his sleepy brummy accent and forcing a little smile for him because when I'd seen the blood and the bruise on the side of his head I'd been a little unnerved. It wasn't like I was naive to the kinds of pain my brothers had known in life, it was just that I rarely saw it. Still, I'd seen some gory injuries in my time too. Broken ankles, bloody feet grown mangled and out of shape, compound fractures, the sharp break of a girls tibia torn through her skin just sticking out whilst she starred in horror screaming.

Still, there was something about it, seeing the lingering evidence of the threat made against my eldest brother which had me feeling a little disquieted.

"You don't need to practice Fen, not from what we've all heard anyway..." he said, "fuckin perfect both of you, woulda done our mam proud..."

"Sure," I smirked a little sadly, not sure what to say to him because none of those words could be true. I wanted to ask him who had told him that, how they'd heard such things when they'd not ventured near us for years but instead I just shrugged my shoulders, told him I still needed to practice and then asked something else instead.

"What happened?"

"Nah, was nothin," he shrugged, "couple of fuckin dinlow cunts wantin to make a name for 'emselves... Dead now though ain't they..."

"You did kill them then..." I said with a small smirk, it was exactly what I'd expected to hear from him, no details, just, dead now, problem solved.

"Aye sweetheart, course I did..." he said chuckling to himself, "course I fuckin did..."

"Well thats alright then," I said with a soft smile, "not that I doubted you..."

"Nah," he said squeezing me a little closer to his chest, "course you fuckin didn't," and then, stroking my hair down my back he tried to talk about something else.

"Want me to knock abitta sense into him?" he asked, not cracking a smile so that I wasn't sure he was joking or not.

"He'd shit himself," I giggled shaking my head, but it wasn't Isaiah he was talking about.

"I meant our brother Fen," he said, "you ask me this is all an over reaction, all be over in a week when I've blown that Sabini cunts head off," he said cracking that smile then, one which didn't meet his eyes, one which made him look distant, a little crazed, that doomed but certain expression which made all us Shelbys look alike.

"Tommy won't listen to you Arth," I said with a defeated little sigh, "he doesn't listen to anyone anymore..."

"Aye," he said trying to draw a laugh from me with his next line, "thats why I ain't gonna be talkin..."

"Don't be fuckin stupid..." i giggled, smiling when I added a quieter, almost shy, "dinlow," and looked up at him from under his lashes.

"You look just like our mam you do," he said then, his eyes getting misty, "know you don't remember her to know, but I do, you look just like her."

"Nah," I shook my head, "I've seen the photos Arthur, its Sunny who looks just like her..."

"You're identical twins..." he frowned down at me, studying my features as if he thought he was being stupid. But if he couldn't see the difference between Sonya and I then he must have been at least a little, "An Fens fuckin blonde now ain't she... Hardly the spit... Anyway, don't fuckin argue with your big brother, you don't argue with me..." he said suddenly, his frown contradicting the chuckle he let out when he placed his hand down heavy in my hair and scruffed it up.

"Face of an angel right, thats you Fen, don't fuckin argue with your big brother and you do... You look just fuckin like her, specially when you've got a strop on..."

And so I didn't argue, I just simmered and remained leaning against him, feeling so confused. Feeling like I didn't know what to do with myself because nothing made sense to me. So I closed my eyes and leant against him, and let out a little sigh, not expecting a sob to rise up in my throat the way it did, not expecting myself to snatch it back and fight it off for dear life.

"Ey now, don't you get upset little sister, 's'all a big fuckin mess I know," he said, "an I'm fuckin sorry about it an all, but we're gonna fix it yeah," he said squeezing me closer, both arms wrapped around my body as I swallowed down my tears, refusing to let myself cry.

"I'm not upset Arthur, I'm pissed off.. An I'm being fuckin selfish for bein pissed off I know that..."

"Yeah sweetheart, course you are..." he said and though I wasn't looking up at him I knew he was rolling his eyes and dismissing me. I knew he knew me better than that. Even if I didn't really feel like any of them could possibly know me anymore.

And he did try to talk to Tommy. I heard him later that afternoon, Arthur shouting, all throat burning and red flared veins bursting in his neck. Tommy so much quieter, infuriating with his calm quiet contradictions. Always talking down to people, always trying to make Arthur and John feel a little dafter than they actually were. Always certain that he was the only one who knew what he was doing.

I stood behind the door listening, Isaiah stood not so far away like an awkward shadow. He wasn't nervous to come close but he did know he needed to keep his distance. Wasn't stupid enough to approach me and over step whatever line I'd decided he'd crossed that morning.

With my ear pressed against the door I'd heard almost everything. The low threats Tommy made, the furniture Arthur sent tumbling across the floor. The chair I later found out he'd broken, leg snapped off and shoved roughly against Tommys neck, trapping him between Arthur and the wall. The kind of threats brothers shouldn't be making against eachother.

"I should be the one to do it Tommy! Its my fuckin job, I'm the oldest so it's my fuckin job... Its about honour ain't it, am not gonna be fuckin humiliated and am not gonna take me fuckin time with it either... I'm gonna put a bullet in Sabini's head right, an then the girls are gonna go back to London where they belong, you ain't gonna stop me... "

"The fuck are you kidding brother?" Tommy had asked quietly, his voice laced with manipulative sorry, some kind of pity which seemed to shake Arthur. Which only spurred his temper for a second. Destroyed it in the next. "You lying to Fen or you lying to yourself? You know that this war with the Italians is delicate right, and you know, yeah, if you're being honest with yourself, that you can't do delicate..."

"Tom..."

It was the shiver in his voice when he spoke, his voice so thick with emotion. Arthur was the only one of my brothers I'd ever seen cry. I knew that he'd be struggling to hold back tears then. And it was that, it was picturing his watery blue eyes, the strain in his tight jaw as he tried desperately to hold them back, that flicked the switch inside me.

As I stood there listening something dawned on me. This doomed feeling, this cold which gripped me, seeped in and hollowed me out. It was a frozen resignation, just heavy enough to split the physical me from the emotional. Just heavy enough that when I let my hand fall away from the door and turned back to Isaiah, the older lad swallowed a lump in his throat because he recognised the removal in my eyes. Recognised the distance between them and the rest of the world.

Sort of already knew exactly what I was going to do next.

[bright-and-burning]

haiiiiiiiiiii 4, 21, 26?

from here

4. when did you start watching formula one?

like the weekend between qatar and cota 2023 LOL i am so new around here. i got a bunch of tweets algorithmically abt the whole nightmare that is qatar and id been spending like actual years admiring the web weavings coming out of f1 without knowing anything. and i was like ok sure ill jump in. the narratives got me… i’ve never watched motorsports before (my dad saw someone uh. die in a crash at his first ever race so that was not something my family ever was into) but i am very much a sports person AND a data person. so this is the perfect sport <3 yes i made an f1 blog like a week after deciding to get into f1 don’t worry abt it

21. what is your favorite f1 related quote?

answered here but it’s not very profound bc i’m drunk and have bad memory. i do actually like the cheesy senna quote abt “If you no longer go for a gap that exists, you're no longer a racing driver.” tho. bc i do live a fuck it we ball kind of life. like if i don’t go for things i want even if there’s risks… what’s the point? am i really living… this IS how you end up unemployed for six months. but it’s also how you get ur dream job (pension included…)

26. which driver would you most like to meet?

hmmmmmmmmm. current driver? logan tbh. he’s got a lot on his shoulders. u kno. and we’re the same age . like would’ve been in the same grade and stuff in school. but he’s lived a COMPLETELY different life to me idk he’s fascinating for how much and how little of myself that i can see in him. and also i think hugging him would fix us both.

retired driver .. jenson button i would— [redacted wine drunk statements]

[pedgecalmdown]

GG - p.p.

Summary: You help your boyfriend Population with gaming, and things get a little wild 😜.

word count: 1.4k

warnings: AVERAGE OHIO GAMER!!!🤣Oozing, secretion, semi public sex, pesky pimples, steaming brown loaf, dark pee, watery sperm, nip suckling, pepperoni nipples, pee in womb, pungent toots, crusty red penis, crusty unclipped toes on your shoulders, uncut gym dog, hairy hog, cheesy wee wee, poop on tray, fart inhaling, fortnite, eating sleeping gaming and repeating, tuna smoothie, damp chicken nuggets, cavernous butthole

blueprint: ur sitting on tv e couch and perd is in his gaming room playing for the past few weeks and u hear him occasionally say goddamnit and smack the table and ur like his personal butler and he poops on tray and u feed him and he gets pimples and then he loses and he starts punching trh walks and u have sex with him to cheer him up

you’re sitting on the couch in your shared home with your boyfriend, panky, when you hear a large bang coming from panera’s gaming room. You stand up and start slowly walking over to the gaming room. “Penis? Whats wrong?” As you arrive at the doorframe of the room, you can see your visibly angry, sweaty, greasy-haired, pimpled boyfriend breathing heavily with his head in his hands as he growls. “These.. these little.. BAKAS!!!” He slams his fists down on the table and you jump a little. “Pedge, calm down. It’s gonna be ok. It’s just a game.” You knew pig iron would get mad sometimes, but you had never seen him in this state.

“It’s not just a game. it’s my entire life. Eat, sleep, game, repeat.” Placenta said while balling his shaking fists. It’s almost like you could see the steam blowing from his ears. You could see his face so red with anger, but you weren’t scared since he can’t even get out of his chair. He spoke again, sweat and grease flying from his hair onto your body. “Now if you would excuse me, I need to get back on my grind. GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!” You contemplated giving him a kiss on the forehead, but the amount of raging, oozing pimples he has turned the thought down. You turned away from Portable and walked to the door, but before you left, your sticky little nugget called your name. “Y/N!! I’m hungyyy!!! Get some food in my tummy NOW!!”

You roll your eyes and smile. You couldn’t stay mad at PlayStation. You open the freezer and grab some frozen tuna. You put it in the blender and start blending. You didn’t know why Pensions loved tuna smoothies, but you made them nonetheless because they were good for him. Especially in his current state. You made the smoothie along with some squishy, moist chicken nuggets that had been in the pantry for a week or 2. You put the nuggets in the microwave hoping to warm them up, but they just got squishier and the grease leaked everywhere. You put them on a plate and started walked over to pewter’s room, grease dripping from the plate onto your toes. You knock on the door with the knuckles holding the smoothie. He opens the door from his chair with armpit sweat stains all the way to the bottom of his shirt. “Here’s your food, plagerism.” “Fank u!” 🥺 He says.

Pube looks at you with his adorable wittle puppy dog eyes and asks, “can you pwease feed me while I game mami?” His index fingies pointing together while he asks. You reply ecstatically. “Of course!! Nothing but the best for my little poo poo muffin.” You walk to pillar’s desk while he slides back on his chair. “Who’s a hungry boy?” you ask. “Me me me!” He replies. You lovingly feed your wet, secreting poopsie some tuna smoothie and damp chicken nugget while he plays some Fortnite. Occasionally, some food will come flying onto his already dirty monitor as he spits some out while he swears. Suddenly, Perpendicular makes a strained face and he turns to look at you for the first time in the past hour. “Huns, I gotta go poo poo.”

“Then go to the bathroom, poopsie pumpkin!” You say. “But I don’t wanna get up!” He replies. “I know just what to do.” You say, a devilish smirk slowly taking over your face. You grab the empty plate that once held the chicken nuggets, and the bottle that once held the tuna smoothie and placed them on the floor. You scooched pubescent’s pants far down enough so that his butt crack was out. You then picked up the plate and bottle again and held it to his sweaty, dripping butt cheeks. You played with the pesky pimple just showing from inside his butt. “Ok, push out your poopy honey!” He starts straining and you can see his cavernous butthole pulsating with each push. Finally, a thick, steaming, brown loaf starts to see the light of day. As he pinches it off, it plops onto the plate and splatters on your face a bit. You smile and look up at him. “Is that all?” “Yes mami!” He says. You take the plate and stare at the steaming pile of blow mud your boyfriend has taken. Suddenly, you have an idea.

Since peroxide has been complaining about losing so many matches, you’ve been thinking of the best way to cheer him up and… EUREKA!! Sex is the answer! You throw the reeking plate of poop to the other side of the room as the log slaps against the wall and start to massage your schnookum’s shoulders and whisper in his ear. “you’ve been working so hard, and i’m so proud of you. i think you deserve a little break” you say with a cheeky smile. He looked over at you, catching onto your tone and smirks back. You immediately take off Pachycephalosaurus’ pants and go ham on his growing buddy, covered in cheese and mysterious substances. His head rolls back in pleasure as his crotch becomes soaked in your slobber. In his relief, he throws his bare legs over your shoulders, crusty unclipped toes in the air. “That’s my big boy.” You say.

You keep slurping on plorpus’s throbbing member until he shoots his cute little yogurt ropes down your throat. They’re usually thicker and warmer, but this time they had a brown tint and were watery with white chunks. One of the chunks got lodged beteeen your teeth and you picked it out eith your finget and swallowed it. You smiled and got up. You then straddled his lap in the chair and put your legs through the holes between the bottom and the armrests. You move your underwear aside as you look down to grab his flaccid, jiggly, hairy, veiny, red, Disfigured, drooling, cheesey, wet member. He suddenly decides to release his bladder all over your cubby. You’re not surprised since he hasn’t left his chair in almost 2 months. You giggle and sink down on his hairy hog. You both moan in ecstasy and throw your heads back as pushpop continues to release his lemonade in your womb. You start bouncing up and down on his uncut gym dog.

You can feel Portapotty’s warm urine in your purse, and it feels exhilarating. You rip off your shirt and bra and continue to bounce on his crusty, rashy little man, boobs a flappin. He’s enamored with the sight of your balloons, and without thinking, he immediately goes down on your nips. There was too much pleasure for you to handle, and the only thing that came out of your mouth were loud, guttural wails. “Ohhhh my shmoopie, you’re doing me so well” You finally said after a moment. You throw him off your breasts and take off his shirt, kissing his neck and going down until you reach his own greasy, pepperoni nipples and start suckling. You continue to bounce in his wee wee, and while you do, you unexpectedly start to let out little toots that quickly stink up the whole room. Pessimism is overjoyed and immediately starts deeply inhaling the smell. “ohhh yeah, that hit the spot.”

You keep bouncing for a minute or two, until you both orgasm together. “GOOD GOLLUMS!!” He erupts. You both moan and you sink down into him, your nose stuffed in his hairy, stinky, wet, greasy, putrid, pungent armpits. You stay like that for a moment and let his warmth take over your body. Suddenly, you start to hear little noises erupting from the back of the chair. Providence starts giggling as you bring your head up and look at him. The noises get louder and stinkier, and you realize he’s letting out his toots. You giggle and start getting off of petroleum’s Willy, only for his brownly tinted, watery, chunky, lifeless, ejaculate to come spilling out of your gaping hole, along with his severely dark pee. You clean the two of you up and kiss your boyfriend on his pimply forehead. You hadn’t noticed before, but when he took his headphones off, there was a noticeable dent in his head where they were resting. He put them on and they went right back into position. You smiled and let him continue his gaming. Suddenly, he turns to you. “Uhh, babe, you’re gonna wanna see this. My mic was on the entire time!” ‘XD’ he says out loud. The people in his game were making disgusted noises and asking him what he was doing. You both guggle as you walk out of the room. You were happy to be his gamer wife.

[addwithacapitalh]

I take a glance at the clock and cringe, seven fifty eight I’ve delayed walking out there to as far as I can now. I heard them start to shuffle in fifteen minutes ago but wasn’t ready to face them yet, not sure I ever have been. I down the last half of my coffee (which has gotten cold now) and glance over at Tee hoping for some reassurance. Of course all I get from him is a blank look and a mimed checking of the watch, snarky bastard doesn’t even ware a watch. I slept out a sigh, nod my head, and place down my mug before walking out on stage.

The low background noise of small talk and introductions that comes from a room of people who don’t know each other ceases as I step out from behind the black curtain. I look across the fifty-seven faces I don’t recognize, take a breath, and start speaking

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the D-P-P. Before I can finally tell you what the hell that stands for I’m going to give everyone one last chance to bug out before things get weird, And while you’ve all had the chance to read the warnings I’m also gonna relate why. Firstly this is a military organization, this is your last chance to get out for the next 12 years. If you go AWOL it will result in a court martial and inevitably a life sentence. Secondly undoubtedly you’ve noticed the insane hazard pay, life insurance, vacation package, and pension set out alongside your equally insane salary offer, those are there because one on six of the people in this room will be be dead or have revived life altering injury within your first two years, and you’ll never be picking your own vacation destination or live without someone keeping an eye on you again. This is your last chance, either walk out now or spend the rest of your life under the D-P-P one way or another. If you aren’t sure I’d recommend walking, if you’re in this room it means you have talents, skills, and security clearance that will let you find a respectable job almost anywhere else you please.”

I pause for a minute and pull a water out from under the podium that I’d placed there earlier. As I take a sip I see people looking around at each other, seeing how many of the others where walking out. I watch as eight or nine of them walk to the door. “Good choice, I wish you all luck”

I wait till the door closes behind the last of them “Anyone else?” No one responds or moves for the door so I nod my head “very well. Welcome new recruits of the Department of paranormal Phenomena, we deal with the weird shit that starts legends and that science can’t explain, I can already see some of you doubting me and thinking I’m crazy, let me talk a bit more I’ll give you some proof in a moment. I am Dr. Johann Bell, I’ve a PHD in Biomechanics but my knowledge base does extend well beyond that, and I am one of eight leads in the paranormal biology division. First things first I’m gonna correct some untruths you’ve been told, firstly and most easy to believe is that the U-S department of defense doesn’t spend what you’ve been told it spends, about twenty five percent of all spending by the Department of defense is actually going to funding our operations. Second magic, monsters, aliens, cursed objects, demons, fairy’s, and ghosts all more or less exist although anything you’ve heard about them is mostly wrong because you’re at the end of history’s oldest game of telephone”

I watch their faces for a moment as I take another drink of my water, most of them look dubious. I turn my to the side of the stage and look at Tee “Tee buddy can you bring the examples over here” I look back to my audience “okay who still doesn’t believe me show of hands” nearly half the hands in the room go up, I make a mental note of the two who don’t stick their hands up (I might want them on my team after all), and do my absolute best not to smile as I hear Tee walking on stage behind me but then they see him. I hear about 16 variations on “what the fuck!” And about five of them just scream including one man on the left who goes above the range of my six year old niece, I also think I hear the start of a prayer but I’m to busy trying to keep my laugh from going all the way to full on side clutching and painful. For the record I mostly succeed.

I get myself back under control in a couple minutes and grin at my Chitinous friend “Everyone I’d like you to meet Tee, and yes he is a giant alien Crab, Tee your timing is fantastic as always” Tee crouches his front six legs and extends the rear six, putting his right claw bent in front of him and extending his left claw out to the side in a rather good approximation of a human bow.

I turn back fully to my now mildly horrified audience “Tee here is one of the sentient phenomena we have in our keeping, he is also part of my team, he communicates mostly via sign language or specially made communication devices but he can understand English just fine. And no he isn’t a giant puppet or an animatronic or something. He’s an alien we recovered after he crashed here. Anyone here doubt he is real?” I look around the room, one man in the front raises his hand.

Tee steps down off the 4 foot stage in one motion and walks up to the man, the bottom of his body sits just above the man’s head and he crouches down to look him eye to eye, most people step back, “yeah okay he’s real” says the man.

Tee bobs up and down once on his legs and turns back around to step back up on stage, he lifts up his right claw to me and I tap it with my knuckles “thanks Tee go take a break I’ve got it from here” my best friend walks off the same way we came in and I l an down to open the smaller of the two black cases he left me.

I pull out a loaf of bread and set it down “okay Tee is what we call a sentient and cooperative phenomena, he also is mostly here because he’d prefer not to have the whole world know about him.” I scoot the box a bit closer to the edge of the stage and sit with my legs dangling off of it “now I’m gonna show you something that’s a bit weirder” I reach in and pull out a screwdriver and a a chrome toaster placing both of them down on the stage next to me “can one of you come up here, works better with a volunteer” a woman in a yellow coat steps up to where I’m sitting, and I pass her the toaster and the screwdriver “okay go ahead and take of the upper housing there, tell me if you see anything that looks like one could hide anything in there that might be a battery or a speaker or a computer or anything. She nods and starts undoing the screws at the bottom, while she does I get back up and retrieve my water bottle for another drink. I look back over to see she has already pulled off the chrome cover and placed it on the stage with the two screws “see anything?”

“Uh no, actually it doesn’t have any controls either what’s with that?” She says rotating the simple device in her hands

“Good pass it around a bit you all in the front row” I say retaking my seat on the edge of the stage. I place my water bottle down as I watch the toaster get passed around till it ends up back in the hands of the woman with the yellow coat “anybody see anything to suggest it isn’t just a super basic toaster?” A few people shake there heads but nobody says anything else. I pass her back the chrome casing “good put it back together and give it a name”

She looks at me like I’m crazy, I just introduced her to my friend the giant Alien crab but naming a toaster is weird, some people. She finishes putting it back together and holds it out “Okaaay this is Ray”

I nod “good name, hi Ray how’s it going”

Suddenly a nearly irritatingly Chipper voice chimes out “pretty good I’m a toaster”

She stares at the offending device in her hands like she has never seen a toaster before “What??”

“I’m a toaster!” Says the toaster

I give a little grin “this toaster is what we call a non sentient speaking object, ask it a question”

“Uuhhh how is it you can speak?”

“Im possessed by the ghost of a man named Ray” says the toaster

I put up a finger for a moment before she says anything in response to it “Ray how come you can speak?”

“I was made by the elves!”

She ruffles her brow at it “so it lies?”

“It’s mostly just makes shit up we think yeah, it’s only got 4 points of internal consistency” I look away from her back to the toaster “Ray what are you”

“I’m a toaster!”

“Do you like being a toaster”

“A toaster is the best thing you can be!”

“What do you do” I say reaching back into the box and pulling out a rather cheep looking black plastic toaster

“I turn bread into toast if you plug me in!”

I nod to an outlet on the edge of the stage “go ahead and plug it in” I say as I plug in my cheep toaster into another slot

She steps over and plugs it in to the outlet and I pass her two slices of bread “go ahead just set it into the slots”

She places the bread into the slots and the slices slowly descend into the toaster

“so what does that one do” another person says pointing at the black toaster

“This one is just a cheep toaster from Walmart” I say holding it up.

A few seconds later the toast raises up out of the chrome toaster and I ask “Ray what do other toasters do?”

“Oh easy, they make Hot bread” it says

She picks up the toast and looks at it “these are perfect”

I gesture for her to hand me the slices “always are” I take them from her and place the toast into the black toaster and press down on the little handle

A man steps up, we is wearing a green shirt “Ray what’s two plus two?”

“Two plus Two is still two”

The toaster beside me pops and I pull out the hot bread and pass it to the woman in yellow

She looks at the bread in her hands in utter confusion “how,why, how did it untoast bread?”

I shake my head “if we knew that the stupid thing wouldn’t be in here” I say picking up the chrome toaster and unplugging it. “All we know is that this toaster makes it happed” I start removing the chrome case with my screwdriver. It is mostly just a weird older toaster without any controls, but it always makes perfect toast and any toaster within 37 feet burns toast every time, but if you name it it goes active and starts talking, then suddenly regardless of what state you put bread into another toaster it comes out as hot bread. Taking it partly apart resets it for some reason” after I get it apart I start putting it back together and then return it to the box. I glance over at the second box I had Tee bring up, then I glance over at the clock, eight twenty three god time goes by quicker then I thought for these things.

“Listen folks I was gonna show you the radio but I’m only supposed to really spend thirty or forty minutes up here before you start getting sorted into your first stations. What I’ve shown you today has been the safe stuff, the stuff we can remove from its box and demonstrate and the creatures we can work with, that’s about ten percent of what we have, that’s the stuff that is at least consistent even if it’s weird. But remember that statistic I mentioned earlier one in six of you won’t make it through your second year without facing down something terrible, it happens for a lot of reasons. Somebody ignores a safety protocol, something that is way harder to keep under control gets loose, usually something emerges a property we haven’t seen before or something new comes under our radar and we don’t figure out what we need to do before someone falls victim to it. This job can be fulfilling as all hell, we work with things no one else gets to see and we do so because most of the time they pose a real threat to our entire society. Be careful , follow safety protocols, and never take anything for granted.”

As I finish talking I look up to see that my assistant Molly is off to the side of the stage, she’s tapping her watch to get my attention. Ah yes. I look back to my audience and pick up the toaster case “well that’s all I’ve got for you, your first post will be something simple, one of you will probably end up asking this thing questions for a few hours everyday, a lot of you will just be observers for the first six months. If you’ll excuse me I’m very nearly late for a video conference with the guy who runs out chupacabra preserve. I wish you all the best” and I grab the other cases handle and start rolling it off the stage towards Molly

“Not bad for your first induction speech doctor Bell”

“Thanks Molly”

You work for the United States Department of Paranormal Phenomena, where you deal with stuff ranging from a harmless talking toaster to world ending eldritch abominations. Today you have been tasked with giving an orientation class to the new recruits.

[renee561]

BEHAHHA i know ur procrastinating but will indulge u, give me ur hc about ur beloved Booth and Bones

And also for an unknown character 😌 my beloved girl Tifa Lockhart from final fantasy 7.

I await ur answers 🤣🤣

Seeley Booth:

Demisexual

Plant man after he quit gambling and to deal with the day to day stress of his job, turns out he actually likes plants.

Sid was his friend from the army

He and Rebecca were very bad together

He was taught how to fix cars from his grandmother when him and his brother were taken in

1a) Has never had a one night stand in his life

3a) When Sid opened the restaurant, Booth supported him and ended up there a lot after he finally quit gambling

4a) He only proposed because of catholic guilt even though he knew their marriage would be miserable that's what Catholics are supposed to do.

And he did love her so he just pretended that the bad stuff would eventually go away

5a) His grandfather was on a military pension and his grandmother on a teacher one in a bad economy, so trips to the mechanic shop were rare because it was expensive af

Temperance Brennan aka Bones:

Demiromantic

Plant killer

Hates Psycology because the first psycologist she went to when she entered the foster system blamed her for her family leaving her because she was autistic

Has a dolphin tattoos she got when she was 18 and then got it's skeleton added later

Her and Angela fucked

1a) Trauma aside, she has never shown the deep feelings to want to be in a long term relationship.

She likes casual sex not the commitment.

Her whole marriage is archaic stems from her inability to figure out that people want to get married and have children because she has never had that need to be married to anyone even as a child.

From a young age, girls are told marriage = long-term relationship + children, and so since she doesn't want either, it's bad/archaic and outdated

2a) The woman kills cacti because she forgets about them, so now all of her plants are fake

3)She already knew she was autistic it was the opinion she was the blame for her parents abandonment except after twelve homes she believed them still hates them because of it

5a) It was an experiment because of her emotional bond with Angela vs a sexual one with Michael so she gave it a whirl in the name of experimentation

Tifa:

She does not need a bouncer she is her own bouncer

Is in love with Cloud (have no idea)

Goes on her own adventures and kicks ass, but prefers to be at her bar and training

Kills the big bad at the end

Is a boss bitch 👏

Rant about something related but me just in my feelings about something that rubs me wrong:

When i say both Booth and Brennan are Demi, I am focusing on the Bond they share with their partners.

Booth and Brennan are Demi4Demi just on different sides of the Ace/Aro spectrum because that is how i inturrpt them and yeah, that doesn't negate Booth's high sex libido or Brennan's trauma of abandonment.

I do not mean I think they're straight.

That is YOUR Aphobia showing if you need a qualifier before the word Demi because YOU believe all Demis are automatically straight.

We're not all straight.

I do not need a qualifier when saying Demi, they can fuck any gender as it's the bond that matters more not the parts of the person they fuck.

And no I'm not saying that it's wrong for people to use any other qualifier before Demi but it feels aphobic when you do, because to me you're essentially assuming Ace/Aro Demis are straight people pretending to be queer, unless they use a different qualifier before to describe their sexual attraction to someone else.

That you're putting parts before hearts.

[trojerucica-blr]

She lost her job, received a debt instead of compensation

Gordana Marković lost her job and submitted a request for monetary compensation, and she ended up with a request for a pension and a debt of millions. In her case, nothing is simple, and she has not been able to solve the problem by herself for seven months.

On the doorstep of the house in Železnik, the RTS team was met by Gordana Marković. It is on the threshold of existence.

The Protector of Citizens announces help

The Office of the Ombudsman announced that they will get involved in this case and help Gordana Marković get unemployment benefits.

According to the law, Gordana has the right to compensation, but she failed to realize it even after seven months.

"I live as a tenant, I don't work, my husband was operated on for cancer, he doesn't work. I have to pay the medicine, the rent, I don't have any more funds," says Gordana.

After the operations, the doctors sent a request to her employer to move her to a lighter workplace, which he did not have. She was fired and given severance pay. He has been at the bureau for seven months. He has been waiting seven months for monetary compensation, to which he is entitled by law.

"In September, I applied to the bureau, everything was normal, not knowing what was waiting for me," said Gordana.

He barely moves, but he persistently "chases" his right. Since she submitted the request, she says, she has gone to the counters dozens of times in vain in search of an answer to the question of why she has not received compensation or an explanation of what she is waiting for for months.

"What should I do these seven months that have passed, my running, I'm waiting for new knee surgeries, I'm sitting at home, looking at the ceiling, they say we'll call you in two or three days and everything ends there," said Gordana.

What do the authorities say? 

In the National Employment Service, they say that everyone who has more than a year's work experience and becomes unemployed, has the right to financial compensation from the National Service. It is paid from three months to a year, depending on the length of service. That is why the National Service asked the PIO Fund for information on Gordana Marković's total length of service. They sent the request on October 8, but they say they haven't received an answer yet.

Due to the failure to submit this certificate of seniority, the NES is unable to issue a decision on the eventual recognition of the right to monetary compensation.

In the meantime, the National Service advised Gordana Marković to apply for a pension.

Data on insurance periods, available to the NES, indicate that she may be eligible for a pension. Due to the protection of personal interests, the NES suggested to Gordana on December 28, 2018, to submit a request for exercising the right to a pension, in order not to miss the deadlines.

And Gordana submitted a request. At the time, it was established in the PIO Fund that of the registered 38 years of service, the contributions had not been paid for almost half. And now that money, the amount of millions, is being demanded from her.

"If they want to achieve that internship, they have to act according to the decision and pay the requested amount," explains Ivan Todorović, director of the Belgrade branch of the PIO Fund.

A debt that does not expire 

Gordana says that she knows that she has not been paid contributions for more than a decade and that she is not asking for a pension because she is aware that there are no conditions for her at the moment. According to her, she submitted the request solely because of the recommendation of the National Service. The PIO Fund explains that if she withdraws her request for a pension, they will not claim the money, but the settlement will remain.

Therefore, Gordana will not have to pay millions in unpaid contributions to the PIO Fund, but her debt will never expire. He states that at the moment he is only hoping for compensation from the bureau, to which he has been entitled since September.

As they explain, due to unregulated contributions, it took half a year for the PIO Fund to prepare a seniority report. They claim that they did so and that they sent the report to the National Service on Friday, March 22, although five days later the Service claims that they have not yet received such confirmation.

When that paper is finally found, it is certain that Gordana will exercise the right to financial compensation for a period of nine months. She is 60 years old. He has been working since he was 22 years old. He is not thinking about retirement. With a lot of medicine and little money, she is forced to live from today to tomorrow.

*With a lot of medicine and little money, she is forced to live from today to tomorrow.

*With a lot of medicine and little money, she is forced to live from today to tomorrow.

*With a lot of medicine and little money, she is forced to live from today to tomorrow.

GOOD LIFE ! ! !

[moondonky]

Broke bitches

How the government always fucking broke,, they just had more money than the last 80 years combined,, like why, where's there audit,, and they take 40% of everyone else's money, inflation is controlled just a hidden tax, where the fuk is it all going , why do they keep raising the debt ceiling,, they suck at money, look around there not fixing anything, there not really building anything,, they toll everything make u pay for parking,, idk if it's just me but things seem dirtier.. like we just pulled out of a war that costed billions daily,, shouldn't we have more money, thy keep printing it I don't see a mountain of money... 30 trillion what are they buying,, is there even enough things to buy, would u b able to buy every single thing on this planet,,, thats alot of fucking money, where is it? U could buy all the gold in existence twice with that much money.. maybe not Ugandas recent discovery of like 13 trillion dollars worth of gold,, thats the other thing wouldn't the price of gold be declining,, didn't the supply just double... this is why I say everything is rigged and imaginary,, they don't really need money, there just keeping people poor at this point,, like people are peasants and they are bloodline royalty... isn't that like the opposite of why America became America,, or did I miss something studying history,, was it all bs where they lying, were they teaching us a bs story.. wasn't our money suppose to b backed by silver.. wasn't that in the constitution... everything happening,, did we vote for any of this, I'm pretty sure our founding fathers would yell treason... where the fuk is all the money... Money is worthless now why even keep working, they don't why should i, I ain't touching there cars rn.. lets see them do it.. let's see them do anything.. its there luxurious world thats burning, how we serve them is what's degrading, in no way are they a majority, they are there own tiny useless community..

I'm just gonna float,, I feel like I can tread longer.. I'll watch it I'm in the water, I'll watch it all burn down I'm not firefighter, even they are too busy fighting overdoses.. I don't think cops give af either, and that might be that people at the top arnt doing there job, they made things dangerous, they made things impossible, i wouldnt get in plane with those new pilots.. if ur gonna sit on the pot u better b fucking shitting,, if u gonna manage u better b good at it,, unlike the rest of the world,, u do not let the American people catching u fucking slacking,, if ur gonna be important show that your important that shits annoying... I really feel the world would be better off without them,, I honestly think it would immediately improve actually.. where the fuk is the money... and I know, I'm not stupid, I'm just stubbornly asking.. I already followed the money,, they were suppose to pay off the debt, they were suppose to balance the deficit... instead they put in there pockets they gave themselves bigger pensions, not to mention all the frivolous bs lawsuits that we end up paying for, they even took half of everyone's retirements,, that people worked thirty forty fifty fucking years for, they worked there entire lives for... I'm srry I'm not fucking doing that,, I'd rather live in a cave like wtf is that,, who tf does that, what a waste...

Effin millenial I'm urked,, I'm disappointed af,, when my grandma died I wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral, because of covid, because of liberal division,, even in my own family, I didn't know they were so weak,, I had to pray to pay respects.. I had to grieve by myself, that changed me, all that shit was for money, I ain't putting up with no fake shit no more,, I'm glad it's collapsing i hope it all dissapears... its all an illusion that's not gonna affect me.. I hope all that money melts like wax and I hope they get stuck in it.. I wanna see them work, I eanna see them struggle, I wanna see them sweat, i wanna see them carry shit, i wanna see them skip meals, I wanna see what they look like when there fatigued and exhausted, I wanna see them with sum dirty hands,, I wanna see them do what I've been doing for the last twenty years.. and I wanna see if they can keep a smile on there fuckin ugly faces. They look like demons, they act like demons, they think like demons, they do shit demons do.. so to me they fit the definition, they are demons

[creekfiend]

HAVE TOTALLY NOTICED THAT YEAH

Love 2 give up lmao

About ten years ago I decided that the next step I needed to take in my life was to accept and explore what it meant to be a failure and to have failed. This infuriated almost everybody in my life and clearly terrified a lot of people. People do not want you to accept failure. They dont want you to like... Sit with and think about it and pick it up and turn it arpund in your hands and really examine it. They want you to keep throwing yourself against the impossible walls until your body explodes! They do not want you to say "alright then, I've failed. What does that mean for me? Im still here. What does the life of someone who has failed look like?"

This makes people very angry and panicky.

My mental health improved in ways it had not in the previous DECADE once I stopped. And. Sat. With failure. And thought about what my failure ... Was. And looked at the structures that produced it and examined them critically.

It is so taboo to fail and admit it openly and talk about it. It is so taboo to talk about or think about failure in an accepting way rather than hiding it shamefully until you experience a degree of success in some area which allows you to present the past failure as "a stepping stone" to your current situation. Fuck that. We are put in positions of guaranteed failure by society every day and then punished and shamed for it. Lets fucking talk about failure

[minjunz]

could you do the fluff alphabet with haechan pls?

(finally a post i’m so sorry for the wait aaah!!!)

i had to google this bc i didn’t know it was a thing 😭 cr to @/snk-warriors

EDIT: I ACTUALLY CANT BELIEVE I JUST COMPLETELY MISREAD HAECHAN IM SO SORRY ILL TRY TO GET AN ACTUAL HAECHAN VERSION OUT AS SOON AS I CAN

fluff alphabet with jaemin! (gn reader)

A ctivities - jaemin likes to spend most of his time with you indoors lazing around - watching movies, sleeping, playing games together etc just being soft and cozy.

B eauty - he thinks everything about you is perfect. literally everything.

C omfort - i think he would try his best to offer you words of comfort and gentle touches, probably trying not to overwhelm you

D reams - you’re his everything so he wants to grow old with you and a cat. he’s already got his pension planned out im sure he can picture you in his future

E qual - jaemin can be whatever you need in a relationship. if you’re more dominant he’ll be more passive, if you’re more passive he can be more dominant. (i don’t really know what this one means)

F ight - any and all fights with jaemin are resolved in the same day. he hates being mad at you and hates when you’re mad at him.

G ratitude - he’ll thank you for everything you do, no matter how small. he’ll make a big show of thanking you for something like making him a cup of coffee or brushing his hair. he appreciates you so much and needs you to know it.

H onesty - he’s completely honest and transparent with you but sometimes it’s hard for you to tell what’s the actual truth and what’s a joke.

I nspiration - you both made each other better people. that’s all

J ealousy - he doesn’t get jealous easily but when he does you’ll know it. he’ll be extra clingy and pouty unless you show him he’s your one and only

K iss - jaemin is a good kisser i just know it. he can be sweet and gentle or passionate and intimate, a versatile kisser if you will

L ove Confession - he never actually confessed to you, you both just started being lovey dovey and went with it

M arriage - he definitely wants to marry you someday, but he’ll wait a million years if you’re not ready yet

N icknames - i think he would call you things like “sweetheart” and “darling” ironically to make you cringe, but he actually mostly calls you “babe”

O n Cloud Nine - he’s clingy and touchy with everyone so it was a little hard for others to realise you two were dating at first, but the long gazes and smiles while your back was turned gave it away. he’s not especially romantic but he does a lot of little things that he wouldn’t do for his friends behind closed doors. he’s smitten with you even if you can’t tell.

P DA - he doesn’t really care too much to brag about you or show you off, but he likes to embarrass you by kissing your cheek or your neck in front of your friends. he also always has to have his hand somewhere on you just to make himself feel comfortable.

Q uirk - jaemin has some kind of sixth sense that always knows when you’re hungry. as soon as you even think about eating, he’s coming out of the kitchen with food or picking up his keys to take you out

R omance - i don’t think he’d do anything super cringey like spelling your name in rose petals (he’s not mark) but he definitely makes an effort to show you how much he loves you

S upport - he will literally always support you no matter what you choose to do with your life

T hrill - jaemin prefers the safety of familiarity, he’s not too keen on constantly spicing things up

U nderstanding - he probably knows you better than you know yourself, and he always hears you out when you have a defence

V alue - you’re the most important thing in his life. end of.

W ild Card - he impulsively buys every cute thing he sees that reminds him of you. he’s running out of space to put them all.

X OXO - jaemin LOVES kissing you and cuddling you. he can’t go a day without holding you and refuses to go to sleep if you’re not in his arms

Y earning - if he’s away for a while he’ll message you every day to make sure you’re eating, call you every night to tell you he loves you, and send you “i miss you” texts every morning. the poor man can’t cope without you.

Z eal - he would put his life and aspirations on hold for you if he needed to.

[whatsupbomb]

🥺 Neptune is responsible for sensitivity 🥺

Neptune is exalted in Aquarius which means that people with planets in Aquarius are sensitive to their surroundings and choose their friends very carefully

I've already said in another post that Aquarius is also responsible for clairvoyance:

SUN in Aquarius natives can take on the energies surrounding them, especially, if it's fear or anger. It's hard for Aquarians to express themselves because they already know how people will react. They're great at giving advices and guessing what you've gone through recently. Everyone wants them to be their mothers or fathers. They can manipulate people with their kindness and empathy. I feel like The Beldam from "Coraline" is an Aquarius dom

MOON in Aquarius natives tend to run away from problems or people because they can't handle stressful situations and overreacting people. They'd rather stay alone than experience love and affection. Moon in Aquarius doesn't know how to treat people. But she surely knows how to benefit from them and then get away with it

MERCURY in Aquarius natives might be autistic, i. e. sensitive to movements and sounds. They're always alert and might live in a dangerous household, especially, with Rx Mercury which only enhances their instinct of self-preservation. Mercury in Aquarius reminds me of meerkats who're on the watch of predators 24/7

VENUS in Aquarius natives are sensitive to criticism and people wanting to help and give them an advice. They know a lot about fashion trends and like to keep up with celebrity news. Secretly they want paparazzi to chase after them. They'd like to be on the cover of a fashion magazine someday. I think that Justin Suarez from "U*ly Betty" might have Venus in Aquarius

MARS in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards money and recourses where they can get them. Literal gigolos. They don't mind dating a much older partner just to have a house and a stable income like pension lol. They want their partner to be a self-made billionaire. Reminds me of A$AP Rocky, Rihanna's partner

JUPITER in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards controlling people who force them to do something against their will. They're very independent-minded and their views differ from their family members. They hate when their parents think of them as children, set rules and boundaries and oppress their will. They even boycott their parents just to reach their desired life. Britney Spears reminds me of Jupiter in Aquarius. She says what she wants and doesn't like to be restricted and controlled

SATURN in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards people who try to get their approval by being their slave. They don't except any gifts rather than cash. They leave people who hurt them to boost their ego. They don't need a man. They can caught you lying very easily

URANUS in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards talented people who can become great stars later. They appreciate all the work people go through to get where they're now. They can predict who you'll become in life and put you in your place if you exaggerate your capabilities. Reminds me of Simon Cowell and other strict judges like Gordon Ramsay. Sometimes they'll question your abilities to activate your achieving mode

NEPTUNE in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards their own mind. They're the most closed-off people because they live in their own fantasy world. But at the same time, they're very creative and open-minded. Their ideas might shock everyone. Their looks vary on the daily based on their mood. They're music lovers because they get inspiration from people telling their story. They're great at writing books and producing documentaries. Richard Castle reminds me of Neptune in Aquarius

PLUTO in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards people who show them their love and affection. They prefer not to get excited and hide their feelings. They might be aggressive towards the opposite sex because they prefer not to take responsibility for the hearts of their lovers. They have a great fashion sense, but prefer not to show off in their style. They want to blend in with public. Nobody knows how they live behind the curtains. This placement reminds me of Christian Grey

CHIRON in Aquarius natives are sensitive towards war topics and news generally. They prefer not to watch TV and know nothing that happens in the world. They're happy-go-lucky people. Reminds me of Betty Suarez

That's it for now 😚