#do not start shit out of nowhere just to justify your anger towards him | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shotofire · 4 years ago

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Impulse

LEVI ACKERMAN x F!READER

Overview: In which you have trouble respecting Captain Levi, and he shows you whos in charge

Warnings: cursing, filthy smut, hair pulling, spanking, dirty talk, choking, degrading, angst, toxic relations, biting, oral, creampie

Season: Not specified

Most would jump off a cliff before they even thought about talking back to the Captain Levi. Then there was you, the girl who sure had a mouth on them. At first you treated the Captain with respect and followed orders, but then he became too pushy. You’d never liked when others barked orders at you, or told you to do one thing after another. It was common sense that things were done more sufficiently if you take your time and not rush. Captain Levi wanted things done quickly, no questions asked.

Personally, you didn’t like the guy. One could not deny that he was extremely attractive, and when you had first saw him he’d sparked your interest. Then he decided to open his mouth and it ruined the entire fantasy you had playing out.

He expected way too much out of his squad sometimes, and you really wished Erwin hadn’t assigned you to him. You were incredibly skilled but lacked discipline and could be lazy at times. There was a reason he’d put you with Levi, but you had yet to realize it.

To you Levi was a ego driven asshole who thought he was better because of his rank. He always had your squad out late running laps, and cleaning whatever he wanted you to. Purification of whatever he found unfit had to be your least favorite thing in the world. You’d been raised on a farm and constantly had to clean, then you joined the scouts thinking it’d be all action. Then your Captain has you shoveling horse shit several times a week, and for what exactly? You had no clue. There was no way this was benefitting to your skills at all, it’s not like you had to clean titan shit.

The worst part was that Levi would only make you clean it all by yourself. The rest of your squad got the luxury of sweeping, dusting, or mopping. Then there was you trying not to throw up every five minutes while the smell of shit and piss is filling your head. It was hell and you about had enough. You’d kept your mouth shut at that point telling yourself over and over to be the bigger person. You had reached a breaking point when a horse nearly kicked you in the face, you had to get off of Levi’s squad.

That day you stomped to Commander Erwins office full set of getting assigned to a new squad. Erwin had a weird soft spot for you, mainly because he knows your tragic past. He tried his best not to let it show, favoritism wasn’t something he liked to reveal. Harsh knocks echo through the mans office and he flinched, “You may come in.” There you are bursting through the door out of breath and cheeks flaming red.

The sight was somewhat scary, but only because you looked like you were about to rip someone’s head off. The first thing you saw, that only added to the anger, was Captain Levi himself sitting across from Erwin. Why the hell does he have to be here? You thought as your hands balled into firsts.

Everyone knew you had a temper problem. That was another reason Erwin saw you fit for Levi’s squad. Levi didn’t like people who couldn’t control themselves, so he wanted to put you in your place. So far all he’s done is increase your irritability and make you want to punch him in the face. “I want to be on another squad, I can’t take anymore of Captain Levi,” you stare ahead at Erwin, not even acknowledging Levi. The raven-haired man look at you with narrowed eyes and a scowl, someone really needed to put you in your place.

“Coming into my quarters without stating your name or business will get you nowhere, neither will that tone,” Erwin said, he couldn’t believe the way you were acting. You huffed at his words, patience wearing thin. “To hell with my tone!” Levi and Erwin’s eyes widen and their mouths fall open.

Not once has a cadet talked or acted in this manner of disrespect, you had some nerve. Levi was infront of you in almost an instant, backing you up against the door as his breath fanned over your face. “You need to learn how to respect your Captain and your Commander, or i’ll have you sent to the military police. Stop acting as if you’re entitled to be treated like a princess when all you are is a brat,” he spits in your face.

It took everything in you to not knee the man in his groin. You look away from him to Erwin, seeing his armed crosses at his chest. All of you knew your actions just now we’re not justified and you shouldn’t be talking to your superiors that way. But what Levi was doing right now was completely degrading. The Commander wasn’t big on Levi’s approach, but he let him follow through. He was your Captain after all, he treated you how he saw fit. You grabbed the knob that was pushing into your back and opened the door, causing Levi to stumble back a bit. “I hate men,” you mumbled before slamming the door.

A few cadets stood outside the room with wide eyes and jaws ajar. They had heard the whole thing, some wondered how you were still alive. “What the fuck do you want?” You yelled with gritted teeth. They didn’t say a word, only scattered away. If you could talk to the superiors like that and not get your ass kicked there was no telling what you were capable of deep down.

Levi and the Erwin looked at one another with shocked expressions. “She needs to be put in her place,” Levi grunts. No cadet had pushed his buttons like you have. Erwin held the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger, eyes pressed shut. “She’s a lot like the way you used to be, you know. You gave me a hard time, I guess she’s your karma,” Erwin said somewhat amused. Levi didn’t find anything funny, not even in the slightest.

It had been a few weeks since the incident and Levi hadn’t let you catch a break. If anything things got worse, and you were doing more shit back to back. He went as far as to make you do dishes at breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a straight two weeks. Your attitude had gotten worse as well and insulting the Captain to his face had become a regular occurrence. “(y/n), I want you to clean the stables and then strip all the cadets beds. The sheets need cleaning,” he said to you with a smirk on his face. Your squad stood in a side by side line as he gave you each a chore. Everyone’s was simple and would only take maybe an hour, but yours would cost the rest of the day. “You’re such a prick,” you said with an enraged tone.

Some of your squad gasps while the others had already grown used to it. Levi wasn’t going to stop until you did, it was stubbornness against stubbornness. Even if you did insult him and yell profanities in his face you’d still do as he said. He got such joy out of ordering you around. “And you’re such a brat,” he said back with an amused smile. Before you could think your hand was starting to swing through the air, your squads face watched in horror. He grabbed your wrist right before it made contact with his face, his eyes never left yours. That was kind of hot, you thought and automatically wanted to slap yourself.

His hand remained on your wrist and his grip tightened, causing you to whimper in pain. “Go to what i’ve asked of you cadets,” he says with that same shit eating grin on his face. They all run away with startled expressions. “Let me go,” you tried to rip away your hand but it was no use. “After you’re done with your tasks come to my quarters, no matter how late it is. Also take a shower before you get anywhere near me, you smell like shit.” You scoffed at his words, “Eat fucking shit, Levi.” Calling him by his name really pissed him off, you hadn’t call him Captain since the Erwin office visit. He let go of your wrist finally and walked off, leaving you vision blurred with anger.

Your fellow cadets didn’t say a word as your sweaty form stripped their beds. The smell coming off of you was gag worthy, but they didn’t dare provoke you. If you could talk to Levi in that manner there was no telling what you’d do to them.

One wrong look and you’d knock their teeth out, no questions asked. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t half-ass clean those stables. But the afternoon was coming in and you still had to clean and hang everyone’s sheets. That would take longer than anything, and you’d probably miss out on lunch and dinner. You sat out in the sun pushing one smelly sheet into the bucket of soap and water after another. The boys bed linen almost made you throw up a few times. Did they ever bath?

After soaking them they were hung up to dry, and with the beaming sun hopefully it wouldn’t take too long. You thought about the whole reason you’d basically became a maid, Captain Levi. The man had his mind set on making your life a living hell, and you returned the favor. The threat to send you back to the military police didn’t scare you one bit, it wasn’t going to happen. You were more skilled at killing titans than anyone else on your squad, and almost all the others. Loosing you would be a great loss for the scouts, and you knew it. Some thought, if it came down to it, you could totally kick Levi’s ass. He had heard that one day and it only exasperated the man further. His ego was bigger than a mountain and that chipped the top off of it.

As the sheets dried you were able to attend lunch, but just barely. Most had already finished and were doing combat training. You managed to stuff down a few pieces of bread to keep you moving for the rest of the day. When you returned back to you duties over half of them had dried and you jumped up and down with joy.

You celebrated too fast, and Levi was coming towards you quickly. The sight made you want to vanish in thin air, what could he possibly want now? “I took a look at the stables, you didn’t even clean half of it.” Of course he went and checked. “I’ll finish it,” you grumbled. He was shocked that he didn’t get a smart response, you just didn’t have the energy to deal with him right now.

The rest of the sheets dried and you returned them to each bed. You had never felt like such a maid before, having to make beds for grown adults. Knowing you had to finish cleaning the stables almost brought you to the edge of tears. All you wanted was to lay in your bed and sleep, to relax the pain filling out your lower back. Pure stench filled your senses as you entered the stables, each horse eyeing you. To be honest these horses scared you, their beady judgemental eyes reminded you of Levi. Thinking about that made you snort out loud, your next insult was definitely going to be telling him he looked like a damn horse.

The sun had set by the time you’d finished, and you wouldn’t be surprised if most had already gone to sleep. Thoughts of your bed made you crack a smile before letting out a deep yawn. You headed straight for the showers, stripping yourself of your sticky clothing. As the satisfaction of hot water ran over your body you sighed and closed your eyes. It was a great feeling that you truly needed.

The happiness was short lived as you remembered that Levi wanted you in his office once you were finished. You wanted to scream at the thought, why the hell does he want to see you? The man can’t stand you so why would he spend his after hours to talk to you? There was no point if he was just going to insult you, but you had no choice.

After getting dressed and somwhat drying your hair, you drag your feet to Levi’s office. You stare at the door for a few seconds, contemplating just going to bed. That would ensure a even more hell filled day tomorrow, so you went ahead and knocked on the door. This shouldn’t last long anyways, right? He’s gonna throw a few insults and you’re gonna leave, easy as that. “Come in,” his deep voice says. You open the door, shut it behind you, and start walking up to his desk. He didn’t expect you to state your name or salute him, so he wasn’t too fazed. You sit down in the wooden chair on the other side of his desk, eyes laced with annoyance. He takes in your state, you looked completely beat.

“Do you know why you’re here (y/n)?” He questioned, his fingers interlocked as they sat upon his desk. The man was trying to be all serious but you weren’t in anyway intimidated. “Nope, but i’d appreciate it if you’d hurry up. See I just did all your dumb chores for you and i’m fucking tired.” The Captain presses his lips in a straight line. He stands up from his seat, moving to your side of the desk and sitting on the edge of it.

He’s close to you now, frame above yours. You look up at him, feeling small under his gaze. “That right there, the unnecessary attitude. I’m tired of you thinking you’re better than everyone, when i’m reality you’re just an entitled brat.” So he’d called you here to argue? You didn’t care how tired you were, this man wasn’t going to walk all over you.

You stand up, eye to eye with him, and growl in his face. “I’m the one who thinks i’m entitled? You order everyone around like some King, Well guess what your highass, no one likes you! You’re just some higher rank motherfucker who thinks their life is more valuable than anyone else. When will you face reality and see we’re not different!” You yell in his face, not holding back at all. Your faces were so closer, barely touching.

The air fell silent at your words and he looked into your eyes. Maybe what he was about to do was pure impulse and should be thought over. But he’s already slamming his lips onto yours in a hungry kiss before he can really think it over. He was baffled when your lips moved with his, tongues already slipping against one another. You couldn’t believe you were kissing him right now, but you couldn’t find it within you to stop.

In one swift move Levi had your back pressed on his desk as he hovered over you, the kiss only intensifying. His fingers pressed at your sides and you let out lights moans onto his lips, only boosting his ego. When his lips moved to your neck you realized what was happening, “What the hell.” Levi heard you mumble and only chuckled. His lips bite and suck at your nape and you can’t hold back the sounds coming from your lips. “I fucking hate you,” you said through clenched teeth.

It was aggravating that you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to stop, you didn’t even want him to. His pillow lips felt like heaven against your skin and you already felt your core start to dampen. After those words pass your lips hes pressing his hand to your neck, stopping any air from making its way in. “Hate me all you want, but I know you’re dying for me to fuck you right now. I bet you’d even beg me,” he said with a smirk. His hand stays wrapped around your neck as his other hand pulls your shorts down your legs. “See, you’re already wet.” He eyes the visible mark on your underwear with a devilish smile.

He lets go of your neck and you immediately start coughing, he was for sure insane. Before you could collect yourself he was biting the inside of your thigh, causing you to yelp. He sucked harshly at the delicate skin and you wince away from his touch. He’s fast to grab your thighs with a firm grip, and you’re unable to move away. You gasp as he licks a long stripe on your still covered core. “So sensitive,” he coos.

You’d die before you admitted it, but Levi looked so incredibly sexy right now. His eyes were sparkling with lust and his lips were a light shade of red from the kissing. His fingers loops on the sides of your underwear and he yanks them off. You watch as he bites his lower lip, eyeing your wet pussy. Before you can even think, his lips are attaching to where you needed him the most.

A long high pitched moan slips past your lips and you’re positive someone had to have heard you. His mouth works against you and you’re a complete mess. You fall onto your back and raise your hips, but his arms are fast to push you back onto the surface. His left hand leaves your waist, and soon he’s plunging two fingers into your hole. “Holy fuck!” You yell in complete ecstasy, eyes rolling into the back of your head. You feel your high approaching as his fingers and mouth continue to work. “Yes, yes! Please don’t stop,” you say with tears forming in your eyes. He smiles at your words, feeling accomplished. His lips wrap around your bundle of nerves and it send you over the edge. Your legs shake as he sends you through your orgasm.

Before you could even collect yourself he was ripping your shirt over your head, and then his own. He nearly breaks your bra trying to get it off, and you snort at him. You sit up so he doesn’t have to struggle, “I still hate you.” He ignores your words and flips your body over so that you’re facing away from him. The sound of his pants being pulled down makes your stomach drop, shit. You were really about to have sex with this asshole. He enters you without any warning and you let out your loudest moan yet. The man doesn’t bother giving you time to adjust as his hips start moving at a ungodly speed. Your nails dig into the desk at the feeling. Levi was much bigger than you anticipated, definitely the biggest you had ever been with.

The sound of skin slapping together fills the air, mixed with your constant moans. His hand comes down to smack you ass, making red handprints in your skin. The stinging sensation brought you pleasure, and he noticed. His hand cracked down harder and you yelled out in pain and pleasure. “Fuck, if I would’ve know you were such a slut I would’ve already fucked you,” he says breathlessly. He grabs that hair at your scalp, pulling you back into his chest. He fucks up into you harder and you can’t think straight. His fingers stay tangled in your hair as his lips attack your neck, leaving small purple marks on your skin.

“Tell me how much you love it,” he whispers in your ear, “Tell me you love my cock.” The filthy words made you shiver even though your body was on fire. You didn’t answer, mustering up words as fucked you ruthlessly was nearly impossible. He lets go of your scalp, making you fall forward. He grabs ahold of your waist and pushes himself into you deeper, making your mouth fall open. “Tell me, now,” he says before pulling back and shoving himself deeply again. “I love your cock,” you say with tear filled eyes. He smirks in gratification and somehow manages to move his hips even faster. Soon your legs are shaking once again as you reach your second orgasm.

Levi pulls out of you harshly and you’re left limp on his desk. Arms wrap around your frail body and carry you into his bedrooom that was connected to his office. The feeling of the soft bed makes you sigh, it was a lot better than your own. He’s already back between your legs, and you finally get to take in his toned body.

You sit up to run your fingers up and down his stomach, feeling him flinch under your touch. His breath hitches when you keep moving down, fingering wrapping around his still hard dick. You pump your wrist a few times and his eyes shut at the feeling. You guide him back to your aching hole, wanting more. As he enters you, you throw your head back.

He starts moving, hips hitting yours harshly. His elbows sit on either side of your head as he fucks you into the mattress. Foreheads press against one another and his eyes stare into yours. The sight was new to you, his eyes were sparkling differently than in the beginning. You’d never seen this side of Levi, he actually looked loving. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he said breathlessly. Your stomach flipped at his words, it was the first nice thing he’d said to you. To be honest, you didn’t even know he was capable of being nice. Yet he’d just let a compliment slip past his lips.

You legs wrapped around his waist, helping him go deeper. The feeling of your third orgasm approaching had you seeing double. Levi pressed his lips against yours in a sweet kiss as you moan through your high, and he comes undone inside of you. The room is filled with heavy breathing as you two try to compose yourself.

Levi is the first to say something, “I’m sorry.” You sit up quickly and look at him confused. “I ordered you around like a dog and it wasn’t right. You just have so much pride,” his eyes look at the ceiling, “I wish I could be like that.” You smile softly, he was just damaged more than you knew. “I’m sorry for shit talking you in front of everyone,” you say and can’t help but let out a light laugh.

He smiles and closes his eyes, “you’re still a brat.”

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thewalkingdead-imagines · 3 years ago

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TWD - Negan Imagine ~ “Promises Broken”

Imagine about the 7th episode of Season 11

Summary: Along with the others, Negan and the Reader figure out a plan to take down the reapers and get the food back home. With the help of the Whisperers’ methods, they eventually put their plan into action.

Heavy breaths cut through your throat, shaking your body as your feet ran through the thicket of the forest. You weren’t sure how long you’d been running away from the safe house and into the woods, trying to get as much distance as possible between yourself and the reapers, but it had been a while and your body was signaling you to stop. You could feel yourself gasping for air as you finally started to slow down, watching as Negan and the three others started to do the same before you finally came to a stop. “Let’s take a minute”, Maggie said, breathing heavily as well,“We’re almost there. We’re only three miles out.” From one moment to another, your face turned from exhausted to confused, while your brows furrowed in disbelief as you stared at her. All that had been on your mind since you ran out of that basement had been focused on surviving and getting away from those psychos, and she had already thinking about jumping head first back into her suicide plan and moving towards their heavily armed base. “You can’t be serious”, you could hear Negan beside you say, watching as he shook his head as a frustrated look spread over his serious face,”Daryl just told us to go home.” “I didn’t hear that”, Maggie snapped back, narrowing her eyes at him as the confusion on your face as well as Negan’s only grew further. “Well I think he was being subtle. He said they were armed with lookouts”, he tried to reason, unsuccessfully. “And Daryl knows I would never turn back”, Maggie barked back, an almost condescending tone in her voice, while you could see Negan growing more and more restless beside you. “So you wanna keep going, Maggie? With what army?”, he asked, a snide tone in his still exhausted and shaky voice before a huff fell from his lips as Maggie’s response was merely a glare and more silence, before he turned towards the priest ,“Come on, Gabe. Back me up here.” For a moment Gabriel stayed quiet, but you could already see by the look on his face that he wasn’t going to say anything that would support Negan’s standpoint now. It unfortunately wasn’t even surprising anymore at this point, but it was still upsetting. “Our people are about to starve. I’m not going back to my family having failed”, he said, fueling the frustration within you enough to speak up. “Well, if we keep going like this we won’t come back at all”, you sighed, before your glance fell on Maggie ,”If you wanna keep going, what’s the plan?” Her eyes shot back at you, glaring at you as a huff fell from her lips, even though you considered your question more than justified. “The plan is to keep going.” More frustration, even anger spread through your body within mere seconds, eliciting a dry and bitter chuckle to fall from your lips. This was like talking to a toddler. “That’s no plan”, you said, your patience hanging on a thin thread by now as you kept on hearing her repeat the same thing over and over again, even though your lives were on the line. “Ah at least admit what you’re asking of us…walking to our death for what? A sack of beans?”, Negan said, his brows tightly knit as he stared down at Maggie as her glance shot from you back towards him and narrowed down. “If you’re more interested in saving yourself than protecting the people back home, you can go, we don’t need you.” That was enough, it truly was. Every damn time either you or Negan criticized her so-called plan, she played the stupid “you don’t care” card. If you used her dumb logic on herself, you could blame her for so much shit that had happened at Hilltop because she left when they needed her and only came crawling back when her new community was destroyed and she had nowhere else to go. This was absurd. “Seriously?”, it blustered out of you directing her glare right back at you,”This is ridiculous. We only criticize that suicide plan of yours and all you do is accuse us of of not caring? We just don’t wanna die, ‘cause if that happens, we’re not gonna be a help for Alexandria either...you just don’t wanna admit that you’re wrong. Shit, If you gave us a plan that made sense, there’s no question that we’d go along with it, but you don’t.” A heavy breath fell from your lips as you were only met with silence and you somehow tried to collect yourself, cool back down and say something that would turn things around, just before Negan’s hand brushed against your arm, nudging you to stop for a moment. ”Nah wait”, Negan said, before he took a step forwards towards the other woman,”Maggie, we all know that’s not true, you need us. I’ll tell you what, you make me and her a promise, in front of the goddamn priest and we’ll stick around.”

Frustration grew into confusion quickly as you looked from Maggie to Negan, realizing that he’d have to have something up his sleeve to make such a sharp turn, though you had no idea what. ”Promise you what?”, Maggie asked, furrowing her brows at your husband. ”If we stick around, we’re even, we’re good”, he said, his eyes focused on her confused expression,”I don’t have to keep on looking over my shoulder, she doesn’t have to fear that you might use the next damn chance to fuck us over here and back home, and we get a say-so in the plan. We get to figure things out with you. We’re equal out here and home.” ”We’ll never be even”, Maggie immediately said in the very moment Negan’s voice hushed, nearly cutting him off though he didn’t seem to budge. For just a second his eyes fell on you, as if he was asking for permission to go on and keep this negotiation going, and the look on your face was enough for him to glance back at Maggie and speak back up. ”Then you’re down two soldiers that you desperately need”, he replied, and you could tell that he was sure that she’d have to agree, just by the decisive tone in his voice, ”Your call.” Arching her brow up she looked at him, a nearly amused expression forming on her face as a huff fell from her lips. ”You’d take a promise from me? Really?” ”Yeah, I would. Assuming you are a woman of your word”, he said, still as determined as before as Maggie’s glance brushed over you for a second before it landed right back on Negan,”I’ve always been a man of mine.” For another moment, you watched them as Negan stretched his hand out to her and she eyed him thoroughly, giving you for a short moment the suspicion that she might not agree to this after all, before she finally reached out to shake his hand. Just then you stretched yours out too, though you weren’t sure whether to trust her on this or not, you still wanted to be in on this too. With a testing look in her eyes, she reached for your hand as well, quickly shaking it as you held her glance for a second, before the undead groaning of a walker made you let go off her and turn around to see the dead stumbling closer past the trees, its long dark brown stringy hair hanging into its face, followed by other dead that were a still further up the hill behind it though. Maggie’s hand fell from yours and you could hear her moving past you right after and towards the walker, grabbing its shoulder and digging her knife into its skull, though more gentle and slow than you were usually used to seeing her take down the dead. ”It’s his sister’s best friend. Theresa”, she said with a small sigh as she turned back around, gesturing towards Elijah who was still staring at the walker on the ground, before his sad eyes flipped back up at her,”She was just a kid, just like his sister.” A shivering breath fell from Elijah’s lips as Maggie’s glance started to change from sadness to anger, laying a certain darkness over her face. ”We have to get them”, she said, almost shakily even though there was still firmness in her voice,”All of them.” It was the last piece you needed to confirm that Maggie was going to do this at any cost, to be right despite Negan and your concerns and, this was even more clear to you now, to get revenge. She never got to take out the type of revenge she wanted on Negan, and now, she wanted to do everything in her power to get revenge on these psychos, regardless how insane or dangerous it was. ”Hey”, Negan’s voice ripped you out of your thoughts as you looked back up and saw him gesturing towards a walker with long black hair and a thick beard who was stumbling closer down the hill,”Y’all know Blackbeard too?” Furrowing her brows, Maggie looked over at the walker who was still far enough off to ignore it for another moment, far off enough for her to stop Elijah from walking towards it to kill it. ”Wait”,she said, grabbing his arm before she turned around to Negan, you and the priest ,”Think we can find more?” ”Why?”, Gabriel asked, glancing with a confused look at her as she nodded to the walker who was stumbling closer with every of its scuffling steps. ”We might not have the ammunition to march into Meridian and take them down, but we could use another force”, she said as she nodded back towards the bearded walker ,”We could use the dead as our weapon.” ”How?”, Gabriel asked with another confused look as his eyes fell on the closer stumbling walker ,”We can’t lead them there undisguised, even if we’d use guts, those reapers will see us between them.” ”Not necessarily”, you suddenly heard Negan say with a sly grin on his lips as a hint of sarcasm swung through his voice ,”Remember those weird fuckers who wore walker faces as masks?” The grin on his lips widened as realization kicked in and spread over yours, as well as the three others’ faces as Negan pointed his knife at the walker who’d just got himself stuck with his foot in between the roots of a tree nearby. “We had trouble seeing them among the dead even after we knew about them. They have no fucking clue wearing those masks is even an option, they won’t spot us.” ”Well yes but we don’t have any masks”, Gabriel said, still audibly skeptical as Negan’s turned his face towards him and let out an amused chuckle. ”Well, lucky for you, I learned that shit directly from the best”, he said, grinning at Gabriel as a teasing chuckle fell from his lips ,”Just need some dead fuckers and I’ll get to work.” ”This might be our only chance”, you said, agreeing with Negan even if the pure imagination of wearing another person’s face brought a wave of disgust over you. Surviving was just more important than that. “Okay”, you finally heard Maggie say, and as you saw her nod, you had a hard time trusting your eyes for a second as she actually approved Negan’s suggestion, “Let’s do this.” The low growl of “Blackbeard” sounded through the air as you found yourself leaning against one of the trees, watching the walker that Elijah had tied up earlier along with two others for a moment before your eyes fell back on the fresh grave beside you where they’d buried Theresa. Gabriel was saying a prayer within these moments, Maggie and Elijah stood on the other side of the grave and looked with sad eyes down at the ground, while Negan leaned beside you against the thick stem of the tree. You gulped softly, drifting away for another moment as your glance swayed towards the provisory and simplified drawing Maggie had made with a thin branch into the loose earth after you’d tied the dead up and figured the plan in more detail out. For the first time, it actually felt like a plan. For the first time, you actually felt sure of going through with this plan and succeeding with it. You’d agreed on eight steps for now, that could be shifted here and there in case the situation would change, but for now these eight steps that were suggested on the ground beside the meridian dirt drawing with arrows and circles, were your way to go, and they kept on swirling through your head, overpowering Gabriel’s voice. Step 1: Get the masks ready and practice while Gabriel scouts the area around Meridian to get a better overlook of the base and its current status. Step 2: Herd walkers step by step. First use those in the woods, then collect more that were wandering the streets close to Meridian and were stumbling through nearby stores. Step 3: Lead them towards Meridian and keep herding them. Step 4: In case they would try to lead them away, which all of you agreed on they would likely try, you’d move along at first to take out those reapers who’d get outside to move the dead, before leading them back. Step 5: In case you hadn’t been split at this point already, you’d split now into two groups. The original thought was to split into a group of Maggie, Negan and you to keep the walkers going, and another one of Elijah and Gabriel to find a place to snipe those reapers down who’d get too close to the three of you. In case you’d have to split of into different groups, the main focus was to have Maggie and Elijah separately in either of those groups, so each would have one person who knew their way around Meridian. Step 6: Make sure the walkers get into the walls. How had to be decided in the moment, depending on the situation and your possibilities at that point in time. Step 7: Take out the remaining reapers who hadn’t been devoured by walkers yet. Step 8: Get the food, fill it into the cars inside of meridian and get the hell out. Drive out far enough to make a stop and check on each other, and then get back home. Finally. ”There are scouts everywhere”, you heard Maggie say to Gabriel as soon as he’d finished his prayer, handing him his shotgun as you glanced up and saw him nod, while Negan remained standing beside you, sharpening his knife already for the mess that was about to happen after Gabriel left. ”I’ll be careful”, he said, gripping the shotgun as he adjusted the belts of his backpack with his other hand as Maggie gestured towards the large hunting knife that was hanging the holster of his belt. ”If he’s alone and you have the advantage”, she said, earning another nod from Gabriel as he breathed deeply through and adjusted himself once more, visibly tense yet focused before he made his way deeper into the woods, into the direction of Meridian. ”You’re ready?”, Negan asked into Maggie’s direction, pushing himself away from the tree he’d been leaning against as Maggie strolled towards you and threw him a slightly annoyed look. ”Not cutting up anyone I know”, she said, nodding towards the knife in Negan’s hands,”You’ll have to find five strangers.” ”Only need four”, Negan answered, grinning almost amusedly as he swiftly motioned the tip of his knife towards his backpack that laid on the ground next to him,”Kept my mask for practical and sentimental reasons.” He said the last part with a good bit of sarcasm, though you didn’t thoroughly focus on that but rather the fact that he still had the mask at all, which quite surprised you. You hadn’t seen that thing since the last day of the war at the hospital. ”This is not fun”, Maggie said, a firm look on her face as she huffed, only eliciting a chuckle to fall from his lips as he shrugged his shoulders. ”Well, not with that attitude”, he grinned, a snort falling from his lips as a clear look of annoyance spread over Maggie’s face as she nodded into the direction of Blackbeard. ”Let’s get it over with.” With that, Maggie turned around and moved towards the walker, while Negan crouched down to fumble his mask out of the side of his backpack, while you still watched him with a hint of surprise. “I didn’t know you still had that thing”, you said, pointing at the mask as Negan shrugged his shoulders with a small snort as he got back up on his feet and straightened his back. “Honestly? Forgot about it too after I got home, just tossed it in one of those spare rooms and remembered that right before we left”, he said, glancing from the mask back up at you,”Just threw it in here in case it would come in handy, turns out it does.” “Well, never thought I’d say this but thank god you got the whole whisperer experience back then”, you chuckled, before a small sigh fell from your lips as you nodded towards the skin, ”This shit might save everything in the end.” “Let’s hope so”, Negan said, before a small grin started to grow on his face as he nodded towards the dead,”C’mon, Let’s go cut up some walkers, wanna get that shit behind myself.”

Four walkers laid sprawled out on the ground about two hours later, their heads nothing but bone and blood at this point, stripped off their faces. Scrunching up your face in disgust you forced your glance off of them, watching as Maggie and Elijah carried their masks, including Gabriel’s towards the small lake nearby to clean them up. The sound of Negan’s strained groan as he got back up on his feet made you look back at him and watch as he held up the last mask with his bloody hands while a small grin was spread over his lips. “Specifically for you”, Negan said, getting up on his feet as he winked at you,”Made sure to save you the face of the best lookin’ one of those three.” “Wow now if this isn’t the most considerate gift you’ve ever given me”, you said with a laugh, holding your left hand up as you nodded towards the skin in his hand,”Ring can’t keep up with a dead persons face.” A snort left Negan’s lips as he handed you the mask, placing it in your hand as the feeling of the oddly squishy, yet firm skin made a shudder run down your back. “God this is disgusting”, you blurted out as you looked down at the mask, scrunching your nose as another small laugh rumbled through Negan’s chest. “It sure as shit is...already told Elijah and Maggie, you need to clean it up in the creek first, get that blood off and then let it dry. I can’t sew it up otherwise.” “Sew?” “See the back”, Negan asked, pointing at the mask as you shifted it slightly in your hands to turn it and reveal the cut that was dragged from the upper part of the back down to the nape of the neck, ”Gonna cut holes on the sides and drag those fuckers’ shoelaces through it to make it fit better.” “Okay”,you nodded, a small chuckle falling from your lips,“You sound like a pro.” “Barely”, Negan snickered, nodding towards the walkers on the ground before he gestured back to the mask in your hands,”Took ages to get this off, Mr. Frowny McTwoknives would’ve finished this shit in ten minutes tops. Guy was an asshole but he sure as shit knew his way around a walker’s face.” “Well you have other talents. I prefer those”, you said with a grin, watching a wider grin spread over Negan’s face before you held up the skin,”The masks still look well done. Disgusting but well done.” “Damn that’s the kinda compliment I wanted to hear”, Negan laughed, giving you another wink as you leaned up and pressed a small but loving kiss over his lips. “Thank you, we’d be fucked without you”, you said, pecking his lips once more before you nodded towards the mask in your hand and felt a cool shudder run down your back as you could feel some of the cold, thick blood drip against your fingers,“Gonna go wash this off now.”

You did as you said, while Negan got back down on the ground to peel the shoelaces out of the walkers’ shoes, you made your way over to the creek and reached it just as Maggie got back up on her feet, while Elijah stayed crouching on the bank of the creek. You settled down merely a few feet beside him, watching him for a second before you dunked your mask into the water, gentle though to keep it from tearing. Oppositely to the other, now dead, members of Maggie’s group, you didn’t feel uncomfortable beside Elijah or felt like you had to prepare yourself for a snide comment that any of the others would’ve thrown your way in a situation like this. While he was clearly on Maggie’s side and showed utmost loyalty to her, he hadn’t made a nasty remark just once towards either you or Negan, hell, he hadn’t even thrown you a mean glance or rolled his eyes, and even though it was the bare minimum, you found yourself appreciating that. He was calm and civil, and that was pretty damn valuable right now. “You’ve done that before?”, you heard him ask after a moment of silence and watched as he glimpsed over at you. “No”, you said, softly shaking your head as you looked down at your mask ,”Just used the guts trick.” “Guts Trick?“, he asked, furrowing his brows on confusion as you glanced up. “Yeah you-“, you stopped, realizing how cruel what you were about to say actually was, even though you were literally holding someone else‘s face in your hands ,”You cut up a Walker and use the blood and organs to smear yourself up with it so they won’t notice you.” “Oh yeah, I’ve done that too”, he said, his eyes widening as he realized what you meant ,”It’s been a while though.” You nodded, well aware that it hadn’t been all too long since you’d been covered in guts, it had been a month and a half, maybe a little more. With a thick gulp you looked down at the mask, scrunching your nose in disgust. “It’s just the face but this feels honestly more disgusting than the guts all over my body would do”, you mumbled, watching from the corner of your eyes as Elijah nodded. “True”, he mumbled, gently dumping the mask once more into the water to get rid of the last bit of thick, dark red Walker blood ,”The face…ugh the face is something different. How did these people even get that idea, how-“ “They were nuts”, you said as soon as his voice stopped, unable to wrap his head around this insanity, and you couldn’t blame him for it ,”Like, completely nuts. The shit they said, just as fucking insane as thinking wearing dead people’s faces day by day is a great life.” “Damn”, he breathed, before he let out a deep sigh as he slowly got back up on his feet,”Well at least they’ll help us now, one way or another.” You nodded, watching as he made his way over to the provisory rack made off thicker and thinner branches between two boulders and laid his mask to dry next to Maggie’s that was already hanging over the wood. As soon as you saw him leaving the rack again you glanced down at your own mask, slowly starting to rub the last bit of blood that was left on it off before you got up on your feet and hung your skin up to dry as well, hoping that the sun would get rid of its slippery texture soon. Quickly, you made your way back to the creek and dunked your hands back into the water, washing of the icky feeling the walker skin and blood had left on them as heavy footsteps started to move closer towards you. Glimpsing up over your shoulder, you watched Negan walk up to you, a slight grin on his face as he crouched down next to you and let his bloody hands fall into the water, started to move his thumbs over the palms of his hands to get rid of the blood that had partially dried by now and clung to his rough skin. ”Got the shoelaces ready to go and took some of their clothes off while I was at it. Just the jackets and shit but I figured they’ll help us blend in a bit better”, Negan said as he nodded swiftly towards the spot where he’d skinned the walkers earlier while a small snort fell from his lips, “So soon as everything’s ready, we can dress up as the goddamn dead.” ”Sounds like fun” you said, a slight hint of sarcasm swinging through your voice even though a chuckle fell from your lips as you nudged Negan’s arm softly, “That was a pretty good idea tho, the walkers wouldn’t notice our normal clothes, the reapers would.” ”Well what can I say, you got a genius husband”, Negan said with a big goofy but teasing grin, winking at you as he got back up on his feet, rubbed his wet but clean hands over the fabric of his pants and adjusted his wedding ring that had slipped a bit up his finger. ”Of course”, you laughed, shaking the water a little off your hands as soon as you deemed them clean again. “Can’t wait for a long hot shower once we get home”, Negan said with a small groan, rolling his shoulders back as he watched you stand up and shot you a grin ,”Get all that shit off and-” He stopped, holding his pointing finger up as the grin on his lips widened, ”Have that loud sex. No muffling, no goddamn stayin’ quiet needed.” A soft laugh fell from your lips as Negan reached out and pulled you closer, very much remembering the last night and the hand, that was now wrapped around yours, pressed in over your mouth. “Sounds like a good plan”, you said, glancing up at him as he moved his arms to wrap them around you and glanced down, winking at you. “It sure as shit does”, he responded as you hugged him back and heard a small hum falling from his lips,”First get some of that new food in us, jump under the shower, have that damn loud sex and then, crawl into our comfy ass bed and cuddle the shit outta each other.” “Well that sounds like an even better plan”, you said with another soft grin, leaning in to drop your head against his shoulder as a small chuckle rumbled up his chest. “Right?”, he asked, leaning his head against yours, brushing his beard softly against your skin before he placed a small kiss on your temple, “If things go by plan, we could be on our way home by tomorrow night...if not-” ”It’s gonna”, you said as soon as his voice broke off, hugging him a little tighter,”Even if it takes longer, all that matters is that we actually get home, and we will.” You didn’t even allow your head to consider any other option, you had to make it and you would. You couldn’t let your fears win the upper hand at any cost. Slowly you backed away, tipping up to press a small kiss against his stubbly chin before your eyes caught his glance. ”You’re a great teacher. I’m sure you’ll teach us how to be a fake walker perfectly”, you said with a small grin as a chuckle fell from Negan’s lips,”And once we get a herd there, they’ll do the job at first mostly for us, and we can finish the rest.” ”Yeah”, he said with a nod, “We have to get them all, sweep them out entirely, can’t let any of those fuckers get away or they’ll follow us back.” You nodded too, watching as he clenched his jaw slightly before his face started to soften as his eyes brushed over your face and a small sigh fell from his lips. He leaned in, pecking your lips, allowing himself to linger for another moment before he nodded towards the small fire, closer to where Maggie and Elijah were sitting and talking. ”Wanna go sit down for a bit by the fire? My legs are fuckin’ killing me.” A word and a blow. You ended up sitting by the fire, taking the time to rest, get some food into your bodies until Negan considered the masks dry enough to take them to the next step. You watched as he scrunched his nose, half in effort to focus, half in disgust as he cut holes into the skin beside the slits on the back and dragged shoelaces through it in a zig-zag pattern, while you watched Maggie and Elijah check up on the walkers that they’d collected in the mean time and caged in-between ropes that were spun around the trees to form an enclosure. Oppositely to Blackbeard, who was still snapping at you from his spot at the tree, the others were too far off to notice you and unaware of the fact that they’d be used to practice your walker skills soon. ”Alright, think I’m done, I can still adjust it later”, Negan said as he slipped the shoelace through the last hole in Elijah’s mask, just as him and Maggie returned to the fire. ”So who wants to go first?”, Negan asked, glancing up and immediately after his voice hushed you heard Maggie’s. ”I do.” The look on her face was determined, skeptical too, but it mostly seemed as if she just wanted to get this over with and blind out the fact that the depended on Negan’s help right now. ”Well alright, here ya go”, Negan said, tossing her the mask that had laid next to him on the tree stem until now, before he nodded towards Blackbeard, “I’d say we start with that fucker and as soon as we’re confident enough, we’ll practice inside the cage and I’ll show you guys how to herd them. Ain’t easy but we’ll make it work.” ”Alright”, Elijah nodded, glancing over at the bearded walker, “So you’ll stay here and direct whoever’s practicing at the moment and the rest hides?” ”Exactly”, Negan nodded, pointing at a large bush close-by that smoothed around a thick tree, “That spot seems good. Blackbeard won’t see you but if shit goes south, you’re still close enough to grab him and tie that fucker right back up.” Skeptically, Maggie looked over her shoulder, eyeing the hiding spot before she slowly started to nod, “Okay. Let’s get this started.” ”Lower your shoulders”, Negan said as you watched him from your spot behind the bush. He was wearing his mask and stood next to the tree where Blackbeard had previously been tied up while he directed Maggie who was moving slow and careful next to the walker, visibly tense. Negan’s eyes were following her movements through the gaps in his mask, scanning over her feet that moved in slow, shuffling movements over the forest ground. “Arms limp. That’s good”, Negan added, almost with an uplifting tone in his voice while he nodded slightly as you watched him teach her, which was enough to put a small smile on your face. He was a natural when it came to coaching, you were seeing it now, and you’d seen it several times before with Judith and Lydia, and sometimes, it made you wish that you would’ve had the chance to see him coach his baseball teams back before the fall. You weren’t all disappointed and nostalgic though, a part of you was excited and hopeful about the possibility that you’d see him teach your own kids someday, and you hoped that it would rather be sooner than later. Slowly, you focused your attention back on Maggie, watching as she tensed up as her foot seemed to hit something hard underneath the leaves, forcing her to stagger to keep her balance, and though she managed to stay on her feet for now her harsh movement let her mask slip further down her face. Hastily, she grasped up, trying to adjust the skin, shifting and struggling and just as you heard Elijah breathe nervously beside you, she tripped over her own feet. ”Shit”, he cursed in the very moment Blackbeard noticed the fall, turning around and snapping as Maggie tried to get back on her feet, barely a meter away from her as Negan stepped quickly forward to grasp the dead by its shoulders as you were already made your way over to him. ”The tree”, Negan grunted as he tried to keep the struggling walker under control as Elijah stormed up to help him and grab the dead while you reached for the rope and moved it up, ready to tie Blackbeard back up. With a bunch of effort and force, Negan and Elijah managed to push the walker back against the stem, holding it still enough for you to wrap it up again and tie the rope securely around its struggling body, keep it from breaking free. ”Piece of shit”, Maggie huffed as soon as you stepped away from the walker, tossing her mask on the ground as a small snort fell from Negan’s lips. ”Not gonna fit you perfectly”, he said, pulling his own mask off his face and grinning slightly as he shrugged his shoulders, “It was someone else’s face.” A thick huff fell from Maggie’s face as she looked angrily at the mask on the ground, almost pouting a little as Negan sighed softly. ”Look this might actually work”, he said, crouching down to pick the mask up and toss it back at her,”I mean it, if I can do it, you can do it. Gonna take it back and fix it, but you did good, Maggie.” You could tell by the look on her face that she was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Negan was actually being nice to her, even supportive. In a way, you imagined, she would’ve probably rather had him yell at her for falling, which would’ve made it easier for her to keep her angered attitude and hatred for him. But he was being a kind, motivating teacher right now, and she didn’t like this, at all. With a nod, she walked past you, huffing slightly as she nodded for Elijah to move with her to the back of the bush, into the hiding spot where you’d been sitting just a few minutes ago. ”Looks like its your turn now, huh?”, Negan grinned, leaning down to grab the mask that had been laying next to Elijah’s on the ground until now, before he tossed it over at you. You glanced down at it, and though it felt less disgusting dried down, the rotting scent hadn’t changed much and the realization that you’d pull it over your face now made a cool shudder run down your back. ”I guess so”, you said, gulping before she adjusted the mask in your hands and reached up until you could slowly lower it over your head, cringing as the feeling of the rotting skin laid straight over yours and touched it to make sure the holes for the eyes and the mouth laid right over yours. ”It gets better after a while”, Negan said, winking at you as he moved closer in und gestured at you to turn around. “Now before the same shit happens to you too”, he said as you moved around and felt him reaching up to grasp the shoelaces,”lemme tighten yours a bit up before we start.” He started to take the laces in, tightening them step by step until you could feel the walker skin hovering right over your own and as he finally finished it off with a knot at the nape of your neck. Slowly, you turned back around to him as soon as you felt his hands dropping from the mask glancing up at him as a grin started to spread over his lips, mirroring the one that seemed to be carved into his mask. “Never thought I’d see a pretty walker, but shit, here we are”, Negan chuckled, tease swinging through his voice as a laugh fell from your lips. “Wow”, you said, still grinning back at him before his smirk started to grow into a smile as he grasped your shoulders and gave them a soft squeeze. ”You got this”, he said, winking at you before he nodded towards Blackbeard, “You ready?” ”Yeah”, you mumbled, watching as Negan moved over to the dead, starting to untie it as you started to shuffle away, creating some more distance between you to get a bit of a head start before the roped dropped down onto the ground and freed Blackbeard. Unbothered by your presence, he started to move around, shuffling slowly over the ground as you started to copy him, trying to incorporate the tips that Negan had given Maggie earlier and the impressions of walkers that you’d gotten over the last decade. Slow, scuffling steps. Limp arms, usually one side hanging lower than the others. Slumped shoulders. A lower hanging head. A shivering breath fell from your lips as you started to move towards Blackbeard, trying to incorporate all the steps that were cursing through your head as you could feel yourself growing tenser. You’d done this before, you’d walked several times through the dead with guts spread over your body, but somehow, they’d made you feel more protected than the mask. Slowly, you shuffled along the walker, hearing it groan lowly, though it still looked unbothered by you as you tried to coordinate your steps to not get into the same tricky situation as Maggie just had. “Good job”, you heard Negan say, bringing you to smile slightly underneath the mask, though you pushed yourself to stay focused, “Just loosen your shoulders a little.” Trying to follow Negan’s advice, you started to make yourself shake off some of that tension and loosen your shoulders, allowing your arms to dangle a bit more, similarly to those of Blackbeard. For a little while longer, you moved along the walker, trying to follow the small advices that Negan was throwing in here and there until you heard his voice again. “Alright, I think that’s it, now try to lead him to the tree so I can tie him back up”, he said, as you glanced a little up, watching him give you a slight grin,”You got this.” One more time you looked at Negan, before you started to slowly move towards the tree, so slow that you could keep track of Blackbeard and get him to follow you. It took a few tries of stepping forward and stopping again before he stumbled behind you and followed you to the tree where Negan already waited with the rope in his hands. And as soon as you were close enough, he threw the ropes around the dead, catching it enough by surprise to pull Blackbeard against the tree before he could do anything else and tie him up with your help, tight and thorough. “You did great, Sweetheart”, Negan said as you backed away from the walker and pulled your mask off, watching him smile at you through the skin as he quickly caressed your shoulder while Maggie and Elijah stepped back out of their hide-out. “Thanks”, you mumbled back with a smile, breathing deeply through now that the rotting mask had left your face again, ready for Elijah to step into the role of the walker and prepare for what was to come.

The last afternoon had settled in by the time each one of you felt fully ready to put your plan into action, after several rounds of walking along Blackbeard and eventually through the walker enclosure. Herding them had truly been harder than merely getting one to follow you, but after a while it seemed to work fine and properly enough to take things to the road. You found yourself adjusting your backpack that was hidden underneath the wide jacket you’d taken from one of the walkers, which was long enough to reach down to your knees and form the perfect disguise along with the mask that was already pulled over your face. Shifting from foot to foot, you tried to get yourself ready, hoping that your plan would work out and wouldn’t blow up in your face, before Negan’s voice ripped you out of your thought. “Hey”, he said as your glance fell on him and the cheeky expression underneath his mask as he winked at you,”Lookin’ hot. Wanna make out?” “Oh my god”, you groaned with a chuckle, too startled to answer anything witty back while Negan let out a theatrical sigh and placed his hand over his heart. “Ouch”, he exclaimed, his face scrunching up playfully underneath his mask while the shit eating grin stayed on his lips,”Gonna take that as a ‘no’. You’re not into undead, huh?” “Nah rather go for the handsome man underneath that mask”, you answered with a small smirk,”Living guys are more my type.” “Well good to know”, he said, grinning a little wider at you before he nodded over to Maggie, Elijah, and Gabriel, who had returned by now, and who were starting to loosen the ropes around the enclosure to let the walkers inside step out and form the beginning of your herd. “You’re ready?”, he asked, glimpsing back over as you as you slowly started to nod. “Yes, let’s get this over with.”

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heauxplesslydevoted · 4 years ago

Text

Coming Down (Ethan x MC)

Summary: They break up. Dassit

A/N: I’ve been tired of this imposter Ethan, and the back of forth nature of his romance route for the entirety of book 3, so I wrote this.

Warnings: None

Title Inspo

~v~

Naomi’s fingernails tap impatiently against her leg as the shrill ring of her cell phone rings at her ear. It rings 5 long times before she’s sent to voicemail.

“Hello, you’ve reached Dr. Ethan Ramsey. I’m sorry for not answering your phone call, but leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you.”

“Ethan, it’s me...again. I haven’t heard from you in,” lifting her wrist, Naomi checks the time on her watch, “wow, in over 24 hours. I’ve been calling and calling, to no avail, and you just aren’t responding.”

The news of Ethan getting hit with a malpractice lawsuit hit her like a freight train. As soon as things started to feel good again, as soon as the diagnostics team started to find its rhythm with two new physicians, this torpedoes any chance of normalcy she could ever experience.

“If you could give me a call back and let me hear the sound of your voice, that’d be great. Bye.”

There’s a lot more that she wants to say, but she’s been given a limited window of time so Naomi hangs up.

Switching tactics, Naomi opens up her messages, and scrolls to her thread with Ethan.

Naomi: Hi

Naomi: Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

Naomi: Can you at least reply, telling me to leave you alone?

Naomi: At this point, I’d settle for at least knowing if you’re alive.

She waits a few minutes, and when she gets no response, she shoves her phone into the pocket of her white coat. Anxiousness and worry pools in the pit of her stomach, and the only thing she can think about is Ethan’s well being. And this situation doesn’t bode well because Naomi is still in the middle of her shift.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of quiet chatter as the door to the diagnostics team’s office opens and in walks Tobias and Harper. Their conversation is cut short once they notice the youngest member of the team.

“Hi, Naomi,” Tobias greets, an easygoing smile adorning his face. “What’s up?”

She wishes she could feel as casual as he looks, because every part of her body is twisted inside out and turned upside down.

“Have either of you talked to Ethan today?” Naomi asks, skipping the pleasantries.

“I spoke to him yesterday just to gauge how he was handling the malpractice suit,” Tobias answers. “Obviously, the conversation didn’t last long because he and I rarely interact outside of these four walls, but he seems…” he trails off when he notices Naomi’s face fall. “What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”

Any other time, Naomi would be ecstatic to hear about Tobias extending an olive branch, and Ethan actually accepting the support, but today isn’t that day. She’s been trying to get in touch with him all day with no success, but he answers a phone call from his sworn enemy?

“I haven’t heard from Ethan today, so I’m at least glad to know he’s breathing,” Naomi says, her voice tight.

Too caught up in her own pity party, Naomi misses the way Tobias and Harper exchange worried glances. The team has been through enough the past few months, the last thing they need is romantic friction between Ethan and Naomi seeping into the office.

“Maybe he’s turned his phone off since then?” Tobias suggests. “Times like this can force you into an introspective mood, and he’s probably going technology free.”

Naomi chuckles humorlessly. She appreciates Tobias’s effort to satiate her foul mood, but she can’t think of a single excuse short of death that could justify Ethan’s behavior.

She stands, dusting off her coat and straightening it out. “Thanks. I’m going to get some lab work done on our patient, page me if you need anything.”

“Will do.”

Without another word, Naomi exits the office.

Working helps slightly. For an hour or so, Naomi is successful in turning off her brain and focusing diligently on work. She manages to not think about Ethan at all.

Until she hears his name brought up in conversation. She’s strolling towards the nurse's station when she sees Sarah and another nurse, Ronnie huddled in a corner.

“Sounds like Dr. Ramsey’s not as perfect as everyone thinks, huh?”

“Screwing up a standard tracheotomy that way? Frankly, I’m just surprised it took the patient this long to sue!”

Naomi slows her steps before she stops walking all together. The nurses are so engrossed in their conversation, they don’t even notice her.

“I heard from Marlene that the patient wouldn’t have even needed a trach if they hadn’t dosed her wrong in the first place,” Sarah adds in an excited whisper.

“Seriously? That’s next level…”

Her first instinct is to stop this, to tell them to stop talking, the urge to protect Ethan still as strong as it’s always been.

But she stops herself from doing that. Because why should she? Why should she put forth the effort to defend the honor and reputation of a man that doesn’t even have the decency to answer her phone calls?

And just like that, she’s plunged back into her flurry of conflicting emotions: worry, fear, annoyance, and most of all, anger. The emotions war inside her, all fighting for dominance, and she hasn’t felt like this since her intern year when he left to go to South America without any sort of goodbye or correspondence.

That wasn’t a good period in her life. Naomi can still feel the cold grip of anxiety that plagued her chest when she came into work one day and he was nowhere to be seen. She heard through a LVN that he left before confirming it with Naveen. She can still taste the saltiness of the tears she shed after leaving her 5th unanswered voicemail. Experiencing such a high of beating her ethics trial and getting picked for the diagnostic team, and the low of him leaving in that short amount of time left her spiraling and isolated, and it took entirely too much time clawing herself out of that dark place.

Turning on her heel, Naomi speed walks in the other direction, her original plan long forgotten. The hospital passes her by in a blur as her legs move, the rest of her body and brain moving on autopilot.

She doesn’t stop moving until she’s in front of the residents’ lounge. She spots Aurora, Bryce, and Sienna sitting at a table.

“Naomi, come join us!” Sienna exclaims. “We’re going to make cappuccinos with this fancy machine.”

“I’ll have to take a raincheck on that,” Naomi says. She turns to Bryce. “Can I borrow your car keys please?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just have a couple errands to run and I don’t feel like taking the train. I’ll bring it back with a full tank of gas and everything.”

“I’m not gonna nitpick you about gas, Omi.” Bryce’s warm gaze sweeps across Naomi’s face, studying her. If he notices anything wrong with her, which he probably does because Bryce is a lot more perceptive than he gives himself credit for, he thankfully doesn’t mention it. He reaches into the pocket of his mint green scrub pants and pulls out his keys. He tosses the keys to Naomi with a wink, and she catches them mid air.

“I keep a shovel in the trunk in case you need to bury a body.”

Whether he realizes what is going on with her, or if he just cracked a joke to lighten the mood, Naomi is grateful either way.

~v~

Naomi spends an hour driving around Boston, people watching and attempting to collect her thoughts before she ends up in Back Bay at Ethan’s apartment complex. She didn’t want to go to his house in her previous state, guns blazing and emotions all over her place.

Even on the ride on the elevator up to his unit, her stomach is in knots and her heart beats faster than normal. She hasn’t been this nervous about seeing Ethan in a long time, and it dawns on her just how fucked this entire situation is. Why should she be nervous to talk to the man who claims to want to be with her?

Steeling her nerves, Naomi issues three sharp knocks to Ethan’s front door. Approximately 45 seconds pass before the door opens.

“Naomi!” Ethan’s eyes widen when he sees her standing there. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you going to let me in, or should we have this conversation in the hallway?” Naomi asks. Ethan steps aside, widening the door so Naomi can enter. “Thank you.”

The apartment is stale, like Ethan hasn’t opened the windows in a few days. He looks disheveled, the bags under his eyes are extremely pronounced like he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

For lack of a better word, Ethan is a mess. And she wants nothing more than to just...wrap her arms around him and make everything better. But she doesn’t. She keeps her distance.

Ethan shuts the door before turning back to her. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“No.”

“Well let’s sit down.”

“No, I think I’d rather stand because I don’t plan on being here long.”

The coldness stuns Ethan. Naomi almost seems indifferent towards him, something he’s never experienced before. It doesn’t go unnoticed that she didn’t bother greeting him warmly, no hug or kiss, no excitement in her voice, nothing.

“I needed to see with my own two eyes that you were alive and well,” Naomi starts. “Because you’ve gone radio silent on me. I know you’ve seen me calling and texting. Your phone works just fine because you picked up a call from Tobias of all people.”

He averts his gaze, ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry, I–”

She holds up a hand, stopping him mid-sentence. Naomi doesn’t believe for one second that he’s apologizing due to actual remorse. “I have spent the entire day wracked with intense worry. I feel like I’ve been turned upside down, and I could barely focus on work. Every time I thought I could be productive, something or someone was there to remind me of you. And then I’d spend more time ruminating over you and your situation, and the fact that you’re ignoring me, and then I’d feel like absolute shit. And earlier today, as I listened to the nurses gossip about you, I realized that this feels so much like your two month sabbatical to the Amazon, and our relationship hasn’t changed at all since then.”

“That’s not true,” Ethan argues.

“It is,” Naomi insists. “One step forward doesn’t mean anything if we end up taking two steps back immediately afterwards. A year and a half later, you’re still holding me at arms length, keeping yourself closed off, ignoring my calls.”

“I don’t mean to do this, to be this way.”

“But you continue to do it, so at this point you have to see it’s a pattern. You won’t even open up and talk to me about this lawsuit that’s being waged against you.”

“I just don’t want you getting needlessly involved.”

“While it’s a noble excuse, it’s complete and utter bullshit. If you think you’re doing something to save my reputation, remember nothing you do will ever top me almost losing my medical license my intern year, and then having a resident face a malpractice lawsuit a few months later. So come on, give me another excuse.”

“I’m doing this for you!”

“How? How could this possibly be for me?”

“Everything I touch becomes tainted!” Ethan snaps. “Because there is something wrong, in which everyone arounds me leaves or dies, or everything falls apart. I don’t have control or autonomy over anything, so yes, the one precious thing in my life, I’m too scared to touch.”

“But I have been right here with you! I was right here in this exact same spot when we worked on Naveen’s case. I sat by your side while we watched over Dolores’s son. I was there when they wheeled your mother into the hospital, and when you took her to rehab. Time and time again, I’ve proven to you that my loyalty is steadfast, and not once have I ever wavered, so you don’t get to stand here and punish me for some unrealized fear. You don’t get to treat me like I’m a passenger in this relationship, if you can even call it that.”

That’s what gives him pause. “Of course this is a relationship.”

“This isn’t a relationship, I am just a woman you sleep with. Occasionally you open up to me, we share a cute moment and promises, and then you clam up and up goes the barriers, and it starts all over again. And every single time, we’re a little bit deeper into this thing we’re in. I’ve shared more, I’ve let myself be more vulnerable with you, emotionally and physically, I’ve deluded myself into thinking ‘This time it’s the real thing,’. And I’m afraid that this is going to be our reality. One day I wake up, 3 years in, tentatively living with you, trying to settle into the pieces of a life I’ve scrounged up with you, and you do this again.”

“I don’t speak on it, and I don’t like to because I try to keep it all together, but you don’t understand the toll it takes on me every time we do this back and forth. I was a train wreck when you quit. I had the trial looming over my head, Landry, a guy I considered one of my closest friends betrayed me in the worst possible way, you weren’t the only person scared of losing Naveen, and I couldn’t even verbalize any of it to you because you slammed a door in my face when I tried to bring it up, and then you left me. And then you did it again, and I spent two months worried that you might not even come home because you could contract the deadly disease you were off fighting. And then you go on national television declaring your relationship status, and you made promises to me on my deathbed that led nowhere, and then finally we make some headway in Hawaii and establish what we have going on, and then I come home to this. So while you say one thing to me, time and time again, your actions say otherwise. It’s clear I’m not a priority.”

This conversation triggers Ethan’s fight or flight response. He doesn’t know where this conversation is headed, but he’s smart enough to know it’s nowhere good.

“Naomi, what are you saying? Spell it out to me like I’m a preschooler.”

“I think we need a break,” Naomi says in one breath, afraid she’ll break if she prolongs this any further. The six words leave a sour taste in her mouth that she has to choke back.

“No,” Ethan’s tone is gruff, and the seriousness almost startled Naomi. “No, we’re not breaking up.”

“From where I’m standing, we already have,” Naomi retorts. “I’m just confirming it.”

Ethan takes one long stride towards Naomi, but she takes a step back. “Look, I am a daft asshole to put it mildly, and I know I have a lot of work to do, but this is by no means a reason for us to break up.” He takes another step forward, and now Naomi is backed up against the door. He tugs her forward, wrapping his arms around her. “I am sorry. I know the words probably sound hollow, but trust me when I say I mean it. I’ll fix this, I’ll do whatever it takes. You’re the only person I want, the only one I’ll ever want, and I’m not losing you. Not now, not ever.”

Through this right embrace, Naomi can feel just how rapidly his heart is beating. He’s scared.

A tear slips from the corner of her eye, and she’s too drained to even wipe it away. “This is reactionary. You’re saying all of this because you’re panicked, but if you meant any of what you just said, it wouldn’t take the threat of a breakup in order to want to change things.”

“It shouldn’t have taken me this long to realize what a fool I’ve been,” Ethan says. He refuses to let go of her, his arms still wrapped so tightly around her petite frame, he almost worries about crushing her.

“I agree.” What does that even mean? She gives him nothing more than that, and Ethan is left to stew in his own doubt and worry. Naomi breaks free of his embrace and presses a palm to his chest, signaling him to give her some space. “But I still think we need some space.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Trust me, I do.”

It becomes hard to breathe. When Ethan woke up this morning, the last thing he expected was Naomi to dump him. “What can I do? Tell me how to fix this. Do you want consistency? Done, I’ll talk to you every single day, multiple times a day. Transparency? Sit down right now, and I’ll explain this entire lawsuit top to bottom. You want proof that I’m never going to up and leave again, you can take my fucking passport. Naomi, I don’t care what I have to do, I will do it, but I will not accept you walking out of that door.”

Naomi inhales deeply, trying to stop a full son from bursting out of her chest. He’s saying all the right things, but at the wrong time. It’s too late now. “I’ve warred with myself all day about this decision. You’re clearly not in the right space to sustain a healthy relationship, and that’s fine. I just need to remove myself from the situation, for my own health and well-being. And I think you need to do the same.”

“So...what? This is it? It’s over?”

“Let’s be honest Ethan, you never gave us the opportunity to begin.” She wants to touch him so badly, reach out a run her hand through his hair or stroke his beard one more time. It takes everything in her to not. “You’re a great doctor, one of the best ones I know, so I really hope you beat this entire lawsuit and I get to see you back at Edenbrook. Take care of yourself, Ethan.

Ethan shakes his head in denial. He refuses to let things end like this, and for her to give him the same cool professionalism she extends to every other coworker.

“Naomi, wait–”

She’s out of his apartment before he can convince her to stay. It doesn’t register until he hears the soft click of her door shutting that she’s actually gone. And another minute passes before the gravity of the situation finally dawns on him.

For the first time in a long time, he’s truly alone.

~v~

Tags: @mvalentine @choicesaddict5 @professorkingslay @maurine07 @aka-calliope @bluebellot @whimsicallywayward15 @blossomanarchy @takemyopenheart @jamespotterthefirst @fanmantrashcan @whatchique @ao719 @x-kyne-x @colourmeshy @paulfwesley @the-pale-goddess @writinghereandthere @ramseyandrys @perriewinklenerdie @aworldoffandoms @thatcatlady0716 @drakewalker04 @canknot @hatescapsicum @lapisreviewsstuff @senseofduties @badchoicesposts @ethandaddyramseyx @chasingrobbie @zodiacsign1 @choices-lurker @my-heart-beats-for-ya @adrian-motherfucking-raines @riverrune @edith-eggs1 @thatysn @bellcat2010 @blainehellyes @cecilecontrera @junehiratas @choices-love-affair @openheart12 @caseyvalentineramsey @desmaranj @nazario-sayeed @aestheticartsx @ruinedbypixels @nooruleman @rookie-ramsey @uneravine @choicest @schnitzelbutterfingers @missmiimiie @stateofgracious @mooons-isabelle @doilooklikeiknow

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #dr. ethan ramsey

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purplepenntapus · 4 years ago

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Rating Versions of Harry Osborn: Updated

Wanted to redo this post with a more comprehensive and inclusive list of Harrys

616 Comics:

Just such a good and complex character. The OG Harry. His relationship with Peter just adds so much depth to every Green Goblin arc because of the inherent conflict of Peter knowing he needs to take down Norman Osborn, but not wanting to hurt or lose his best friend. (If you’ve read Kindred no you haven’t.) He’s still... ugly... I’m sorry 616 Harry... I love you so much but they did you dirty... Some artists do their best with what they have but... I’m not a big fan of western comic style in general so that doesn’t help. Has three failed marriages by the time he’s 30 because he’s gay and deeply closeted. 8/10

Spider-Man the Animated Series (1994):

The Harry plotline in this show reeeeally doesn’t feel earned, because the first time we see Harry having an active role in the show, he asks Peter to move in with him because Norman wants him to have a responsible studious roommate (a detail from the comics I was EXTREMELY excited to see play out), and Peter comments that they barely know each other. Ultimately they live together for all of one day before Peter decides to move back in with Aunt May. The next time we see Harry, MJ calls him Peter’s best friend, despite the fact that we haven’t seen Peter hanging out with—or even MENTIONING—Harry since the last episode when they were basically strangers. Really it feels like he’s just there to cause romantic drama as the guy MJ graciously settles for when she gives up on Peter. I found the whole goblin plotline kind of boring and lacking in depth. 3/10

Raimi Trilogy:

I was never interested in Raimi Harry until after I started liking and exploring other versions of Harry, because I just thought he was kinda a shit friend. He’s a pretty strong character overall, but his motivations aren’t as obvious. He’s torn between his love of Peter as his best friend, and his bitterness towards Peter for being the man his father wished he was. I don’t think Raimi Harry really wanted MJ, he just wanted to get back at Peter in a way by taking someone that HE loved. However I feel like his characterization kind of sways back and forth between sympathetic and not depending on how he’s written in the scene, and it disappoints me that the thing that gets him to stop tormenting Peter is the butler telling him out of nowhere that Norman died from his own blade, rather than any real character development on his part. 6/10

Spectacular Spider-Man:

I still haven’t watched all of this show because I... can’t STAND this version of Peter... but I’ve watched many clips with this boy and he’s just... so sweet... He only wants to be loved and keeps getting his heart broken. Deserves better. On everything. He deserves a better father, a better best friend, better love interests, everything. I do really enjoy the way they incorporated 616 Harry’s drug abuse into this show with the Globulin Green, it was a very clever way to incorporate that aspect of his character, but tone it down for younger viewers. I’ve watched the scene of him getting “unmasked” as the Green Goblin about a million times it’s very good. 8/10

Ultimate Spider-Man:

I love him. Most people fear drifting apart from those close to us, so watching Harry struggle with the new and increasing distance between him and Peter as Peter seemingly makes new, “better” friends is downright heartbreaking. Especially when he overhears Sam implying that Peter only hangs out with him for his money which is something he’s clearly experienced a lot. (Seriously Sam what the fuck.) I also love his struggle with Venom throughout the series as a metaphor for his anger and bitterness, it’s never truly gone even when they work hard to remove it. It’s always there to bubble back up under extreme amounts of stress, especially when Norman is involved. (Also this isn’t a Norman review, but USM Norman is the only version of Norman Osborn that has rights and he works hard to be the father Harry deserves.) Had an honest to God meet-cute with Peter like come on???? Its unfortunate how much they cut back Harry’s role in the third and fourth season, I really would have loved to see more of him. Threw a party specifically so he could ignore Peter to his face because he was jealous and I respect that level of pettiness. 9/10

Spider-Man: The New Animated Series

I didn’t think it was possible to create an uglier Harry than 90s Harry but this blonde, fuck-boy lookin creepass came and proved me wrong. Who the FUCK is this?? Doesn’t have any recognizable characteristics of Harry Osborn besides being rich and hating Spider-Man. Also just... look at him. I wouldn’t trust this man anywhere NEAR my drink at a party. #NotMySon -3/10

The Amazing Spider-Man:

He’s okay. I think he has some very emotional scenes and good chemistry with Peter, but it’s dampened by the fact that he wasn’t present in the first film and had to share the second with like two other main plot lines. Ultimately ends up being the least sympathetic version of Harry Osborn because he became the original Green Goblin and killed Gwen, rather than following in his father’s footsteps. That’s not to say he’s a completely unsympathetic character. He has a strong motivator in his fear of death, and I do think the choice they made for his character were interesting and could have developed really well, but they didn’t get the chance since the franchise was dropped. 5/10

PS4 Spider-Man:

ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM. WISH WE GOT MORE OF HIM. HAVING YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF HARRY OSBORN BROKEN AS YOU SNEAK AROUND NORMAN’S PENTHOUSE AND LEARN THAT HE’S BEEN SECRETLY STRUGGLING WITH A GENETIC DISEASE HE’S BEEN HIDING FROM HIS BEST FRIENDS FOR YEARS WAS -chef’s kiss- GENIUS. PLEASE GIVE US A SECOND GAME WITH VENOM HARRY. 10/10

Marvel’s Spider-Man (2017):

Still easily my favorite version of Harry Osborn. When I first began watching the show I was startled by their decision to make Harry a science genius like Peter because it was so different from their usual dynamic, and many people who aren’t fans of the show point to this as something they dislike. But I actually ended up really loving the decision. It gives a different flavor to Harry in how he reacts to the events of the show and how we interpret his character traits, while still being very inherently Harry Osborn. Harry is jealous of Peter, he loves him dearly, but there’s always this ember of bitter envy ready to burst into anger whenever the plot creates friction between them. This is one of the defining traits of their relationship and in most versions it’s not hard to understand why. Peter has what Harry wants. He’s intelligent, he has potential, and most importantly he’s loved. Peter is the son Harry knows Norman wishes he had, and that creates a wedge between them. Marvel’s Spider-Man changes this dynamic. Harry can easily stand toe-to-toe with Peter in terms of intelligence, and in fact they often work together to create things or solutions Peter couldn’t have come up with on his own. That initial wedge between them isn’t there, creating a very endearing and loving friendship that we know is doomed to sour because it isn’t enough. MSM Harry could be the person Norman wants him to be, and that places the full weight of his father’s impossibly high expectations on his shoulders, always within reach but never quite achievable. So it makes a lot more sense why Peter initially has a low guard towards Norman (as opposed to some other series where Peter seems oddly dismissive of Harry’s justified complaints) and Harry’s own steadfast loyalty to his father. On the surface Norman seems like a perfectly loving parent, he encourages his son, he created an entire school for him when he was wrongfully accused of sabotage, it’s only when you start to dig deeper into their relationship that you see the subtle manipulations and the issues Harry has from constantly chasing his father’s approval. This creates a Harry who is desperate for validation and extremely sensitive to rejection, which colors his relationship with Peter throughout the show. I’m still mad he got nerfed in the second and third seasons because Disney is homophobic. TLDR: I may be biased ... Infinity/10

MCU:

Where is he? Who knows? Man missing in action. ?????/10

#Harry Osborn #spider-man #msm 2017 #did i rant about various Harry Osborns way longer than I intended to? Yes yes I did #if anyone reads this tell me if i missed any prominent Harrys lmao #long post

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angelicmichael · 3 years ago

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Imminient Annihilation sounds so dope - Chapter Ten

Michael Langdon X Reader

Summary: Reader and Michael continue to work through their issues and finally start to warm up to each other even further.

Words: 5.9k+ …oops

Warnings: just normal IA warnings (swear words, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, enemies to lovers, slowburn, etc) anddd maybeee a bit of fluff 👁

A/N: hey guys! Sorry I haven’t updated this in a few months but hopefully this is satisfactory hehe. This chapter is kinda a turning point in the fic so I hope u guys like it!! Also I watched Jennifer’s Body as I finished this so.. do what u must w that information 😌 djdjd

Previous Chapter

Rain was never something you were accustomed too. Spending so much time in Los Angeles had made you partially spoiled when it came to the weather - which is why you knew immediately your day was going to be shit when you woke up to rain.

You tried to convince yourself that the emotions you were feeling weren’t complete disdain but rather just a pessimistic version of indifference.. or that’s what you hoped anyway.

You knew realistically that your day wasn’t already doomed before it even started; and that the rain was nothing more than a mere inconvenience.. However; you still felt justified in complaining, considering today was the day you were ripping the band-aide off and moving in to the apartment Michael had oh so graciously chosen to give you.

Your pessimistic mood surrounding the entire situation was inevitable, and that was something you didn’t even bother to resist or fight. It didn’t take long for your thoughts to quickly go south as you quickly packed. Hatred that seemingly came out of nowhere (but that you realistically knew was only temporarily dormant) wasted no time in blinding your judgement - making you feel a nearly nauseating amount of jealousy and anger for people who actually seemed to be fucking happy in their relationships and werent forced into.. whatever shitty living situation you knew you were bound to find yourself in.

An apartment with no strings attached was way too fucking simple, and you knew it was too good to be true. You knew you were basically walking into a trap, and for what reason were you doing that so willingly? Just so that maybe Michael could start to tolerate you? You resented yourself for even agreeing to this but you also understood you really had no other option.

However; personal feelings aside.. you still had a mission to accomplish. You still had to attempt to seduce Michael, and even though you were doing a shit job at that so far - you still had to try. You knew realistically it was only a matter of time before Cordelia would ask about the progress you've made, and you would have to tell her something.

You had to do this.

That's why you were (semi) blindly choosing to move in to a building you knew you absoluetly couldnt afford; and why you were sucking up your pride and choosing to become semi reliant on Michael.

No one from the coven knew, and for the time being you intended to keep it that way. After all, even though Mallory didnt exactly know that Michael gave you a whole ass fucking apartment - your sure she probably suspected that something important happened between you and Michael just from the short conversation you three harbored together. But for the time being, you didnt have to worry about that. You had bigger things that were on your mind.. like the actual apartment door itself that you currently stood in front of.

You held the keys limply in your hand, your bag slumped next to you as you procrastinated something as fucking simple as opening a door. How pathetic.

You continued to stall in the hallway regardless - thankful there was no one passing through to witness how ridiculous you looked. Your gaze fell south down to your keys which were cold in your hand. Dripping slowly with the subtle rainwater that managed to linger on them, along with the rest of your clothes.

Your skin stung from the cold that seemed stubborn to leave, and a nice change of clothes and a hot shower wouldnt be the absolute worst thing in the world..

Fuck.

You bit your lip in order to prevent letting the profanity from rolling off your tongue. Quickly getting a better grip on the keys (which only made you somehow colder) and numbly, hastily unlocking the door.

You pushed it open, letting the door hit the wall and taking a few steps inside before dropping your bag to the floor.. as well as your jaw.

No words could possibly convey how you felt as you noticed how the room was already illuminated with not only natural light from the already huge windows you could see.. but also with a warm, yellow artificial glow.

Was someone already here?

What the fuck?

The hatred and resentment you previously felt toward others earlier rapidly started to return - except this time it was targeted at one very specific person.

It didnt even register in your mind that the light could've been left on by accident or that people besides Michael actually existed that could be present in the room but.. you didnt care. Anger was the only emotion that was solely present in your body as you fully abandoned your bag by the door. Advancing forward; and only feeling more shock and disbelief with every step you took at the thought that he could very possibly be in (what was supposed to be) your space.

"Michael, I swear to God-"

"Y/n?” said a soft, feminine voice.

It was practically automatic how you froze. Just getting close enough to notice that it wasn’t Michael after all that was on your bed in your new studio apartment, but a woman sat on your bed instead.

For about two seconds, you were scared it was Madison but.. that was a stupid assumption within itself. The company you were with was from a far different nature than of which Madison was, even though at first glance the two woman might look or sound similar. There were so many qualities that distinguished Mallory from Madison. Brown, auburn hair.. dark eyeshadow.. and her classic black boots. It didn’t take long for your anger to fade away as you tried to not think about how logically this still didn’t make sense - walking closer to your bed anyway.

"How did you get in here? And since when did you ever break into peoples rooms?" You asked with a laugh.

Mallory echoed your laugh back, seemingly watching you and your behavior. As if she was expecting you to do something or to act a certain way.. like perhaps leave.

"I didnt break into your apartment but.. you should probably sit down." She spoke, before nodding off to her side. Nonverbally suggesting you to sit next to her.

You did as you were told. Noticing briefly before you sat down how nice the apartment actually was.. including the bed.

The walls, and most of everything in the apartment was a solid black. It looked sleek, and even though black paint made most rooms look small - the natural light helped keep things looking open which you appreciated. It was no surprise that the bed matched the dark theme too. The sheets were silky, black satin. You almost laughed at how comfortable the bed was once you sat next to Mallory, the entire situation was so ridiculous it nearly hurt for you to not laugh out loud. The two of you sat in the silence for a moment.. you were each incredibly anxious, that was more than apparent.

You looked up at Mallory, expecting her to speak first and explain herself since after all.. shes the one who broke into your apartment but she still remained quiet.. Stalling, you could only guess.

"So, why are you here? How did you even get in here? Is everything okay?" You asked, your words speedy and rushed.

Panic started to temporarily set in when you realized that something could be serisouly wrong with the coven, even though you knew how completly irrational it was to think that way with no evidence. What if witch hunters found them? What if someone preformed the seven wonders and it went wrong? What if the plan had suddenly changed with Michael?

Mallory seemed to pick on how anxious you suddenly were, putting a hand on your upper arm before making you meet her gaze. Her soft, hazel brown eyes immeadietly making your breathe slow. That was another reason you were so thankful for Mallory - the soothing, calming effect she seemed to have on everyone she met was something you never took for granted.. Espically now.

"Hey, nothing's wrong and nothing happened. I promise. I just wanted to see you and talk to you, and I figured we should catch up after Michael basically made me leave," Mallory explained.

You quickly nodded. Feeling guilt start to creep into your system once you remembered how Michael previously treated her.

"Yeah, youre right. I've been wanting to see you anyway and I'm sorry I didnt just call you last night or something.. and I know I cant control him but I'm still sorry for how Michael treated you. I shouldn't have brought you into that-"

"(Y/n), stop," Mallory said urgently. Shaking her head slightly in disagreement with your words. "Sure, Michael was acting like a dick but.. it's nothing I'm not exactly accustomed too. It was harmless," she ended her words with a smile. One that was meant to comfort you both at the epiphany her words brought.

You sat with her words for a moment. The realization suddenly hitting you like a truck-

"Wait.. what? Do you know Michael?"

Mallory fell completely silent. Looking at you almost in a.. guilty manner. Her gaze fell downwards before she looked up to meet yours once more, licking her lips anxiously before she uttered out a quiet reply.

"I wasnt going to tell you because I knew it would make you upset but.. Michael called me last night-"

"And you answered?" Your voice raised up a few octaves unwillingly. Threatening to break as you tried to process what you were hearing.

As much as you wanted to immeadietly jump to conclusions, you had to remind yourself that this was Mallory you were talking too. Your best friend, Mallory. You knew she would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.

You noticed Mallory was also starting to get tense. Her spine suddenly a bit too straight and her shoulders were rigid. It was nice to know you werent the only person in this situation who was feeling this way, although you would be lying if you were to say that you werent curious for why Mallory felt tense.

"At first, no but he kept calling so I figured it would cause no harm to see what he wanted so, I answered," Mallory said cautiously.

It was obvious she had more to say and as much as you wanted her to keep talking and fully explain herself - you were more than happy that you didnt have to cut her off again. It was too much. This was too much.

You pinched the bridge of your nose before loudly exhaling with a shallow growl. Not really caring that it probably was coming off like you were mad at Mallory when in reality, that wasn’t the case. Mallory wasn’t the problem; you were really just beyond fucking pissed at Michael.

But at this point.. that wasnt new news.

"I told him that we shouldnt be talking, but he insisted," Mallory continued with a shrug.

You tried to sit up straight again; trying to exhale some of the pure fucking anger that was currently coursing through your system. Your vision was spotted black when you opened your eyes - your gaze pointed upwards at the smooth, blank ceiling. Quickly wishing that you were anywhere else, or really anyone else at the moment.

What you wouldnt kill to swap bodies again.. but then again, who knows what the hell Michael was currently doing at the moment.. He couldnt be trusted.

That was more than obvious now.

You should've known that he would contact Mallory, but how he even got her number was beyond you.. Unless-

"How did he even get your number?" You asked. Your tone strikingly calm.

Mallory looked incredibly spooked when your head suddenly snapped over to look at her. As if she was worried you were angry at her still, and as much as you wanted to reassure her otherwise, you really didnt have the energy to do so anymore. Not at the moment anyway.

"You can't be mad when I tell you the answer, okay?" She said softly.

Your features immeadietly softened at her words. The rest of your body relaxed as well; your shoulders dropping and your jaw unclenching.

"Mallory, I could never be mad at you. You could never piss me off, i'm just.. frustrated at Michael. It's not at you, I swear," you said. Trying your best to make your words sound reassuring and genuine.

Mallorys reaction wasnt one that was verbal but immeadite nonetheless. Her arms suddenly shot out and wrapped themselves around you. Her body temporarily pressing into yours as your hands went to her back, before she quickly broke the hug.

"Promise?" Mallory prompted. Brown eyes looking diligently into yours.

"Yeah.. I promise. Just tell me what that idiot did,” you said halfheartedly.

"So.. I've had his number for a while. Not for too long but just since you two switched. But, we never really talked," Her voice stalled as she watched your reaction. Your mouth grew dry as you really tried to let it sink in that they've known eachother since- well for atleast a week. "But I knew immeadietly that it wasnt you.. that day. I'm sorry I lied, but Michael made me promise."

"Why didnt you just tell me?"

Mallory looked at you in a guilty manner. Her lips pursing shut as she looked solemnly at her shoes, avoiding eye contact. You knew exactly why she was being quiet - she didnt want to admit why she had lied but.. the answer was pretty obvious.

Even though Mallory was one of the strongest witches - almost stronger than Cordelia on some days, she still was scared of Michael and that was nothing worth holding a grudge over. After all he was still the antichrist, no matter how (mostly) harmless and idiotic he seemed to you now.

"Okay.. I guess that doesnt really matter," you admitted with a laugh. Figeting with your hands as you heard a shallow laugh omit also from Mallory, which made you smile. The shallow pit that resided in your stomach finally starting to let up. "But.. What did he call you about last night?"

Mallory hesitated again before giving you another subtle smile.

"It was mostly about you.. I know how you feel about him y/n, but its working. I promise you. Hes finally warming up to you. I just wish you could hear how he talks about you,” she spoke. Taking your hands into her soft, warm ones.

"I wish I believed that," You admitted.

"I wouldnt lie to you. Hes finally starting to warm up to you, plus it was obvious yesterday-"

"Yeah; It was obvious how strong he was coming onto you."

Mallory laughed again at your words. Shaking her head slightly in protest.

“Y/n you know that’s not true. The only reason why he was flirting with me was just to get to you.. I thought that was obvious.”

“It was obvious I just.. didn’t know that you knew that. I mean, Michael has Madison.. or he did so you think that would at least satisfy his flirting needs for a bit but.. Michael faking to be interested in you, that would mean he wanted a reaction out of me on purpose? Why would he-“

“You know why. You need to start cutting yourself slack and realize that maybee this rivalry is starting to be one sided.”

You pouted at her words at the realization that they actually held more truth in them than you were willing to admit. If Michael didn’t hate you anymore, if he was truly actually willing to be civil.. then why were you still so upset? Were you the one who was unintentionally causing problems now? Was it now you instead of Michael that was holding the relationship back?

How fucking stupid.

“I can’t trust him, Mallory. How can I when he and Madison literally tried to kill me. I can never forget that they did that to me.”

“I’m not asking you to forget what he did, y/n. I’m just saying that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to start having an open mind around him, and see where it gets you.”

You were struck silent, knowing that Mallory was completely right. If you wanted to have any hope at all of making things right with Michael (even though you really didn’t do anything wrong..) you would have to try a different approach because obviously; what you were doing now wasn’t working. Being snarky, and vaguely threatening him every chance you got was fun of course but- it wasn’t working. Even though Mallory was probably the sweetest person you knew, the fact your own best friend had to (very politely) make a intervention was.. not a good sign. Although, you knew Mallory was doing this for your best interest because if she didn’t say anything, then Cordelia certainly would.

And sadly, Mallory was actually right.

If you wanted things with Michael to advance any further; or to advance at all you needed to step things up but, you could always worry about that after Mallory left.

“So what, are you guys besties now or something?” You sneered.

“Shut up!” Mallory said with a laugh, playfully pushing you over a bit. “He’s barely even my acquaintance. The only reason he’s being nice to me is just to get to you, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I mean that’s the goal-“

“Do you think that’s the only reason?” You interrupted.

Your throat automatically tightened after you spoke, the threat of your words potentially being true coaxing you to silence. Your not sure why the thought of Michael using you made you upset.. it’s not as if you didn’t think he was doing it before but this time it was different. Perhaps it was because you finally thought Michael actually had some type of interest in you.. and to have that suddenly ripped away?

That would leave you beyond broken.. you knew that for certain.

Mallory looked at you solemnly, as if she was already resenting her words before she had to say them outloud.

“Look, I don’t exactly know Michaels intentions and I’m not going to pretend too.. I don’t really think anyone does at this point but I do know that regardless of your feelings, or even his feelings that.. you have to try.”

You let out a loud exhale.

“I mean you said it yourself.. Michaels so unpredictable, there’s no point in guessing how he feels so.. maybe I should just.. ask him?”

Realistically you didn’t know how good of a idea that was- but.. trying to remain realistic was something you gave up on days ago. Pretty much the same day you switched and that definitely wasn’t a coincidence by any means.

As soon as Mallorys mouth opened, you heard three loud knocks. Quick and rapid with no hesitation between them. The apartment nearly shook with the force of whoever happened to be at your door, and you certainly didn’t doubt that your neighbors heard the knocking as well.

Mallory looked at you in utter confusion, but stayed on the bed nonetheless with no sign of getting up. Naturally, you found yourself scooting closer to the end of the bed, knowing it was you who was going to have to get the door.. and that made you scared shitless. Not because you were necessarily scared to open the door but because you had a horribly bad feeling on who was on the other side.. There was only one person that you knew of that was aware of where you lived, and you knew it wasn’t matience or staff.

You knew standing up was the logical thing to do but you still stalled. Hands starting to painfully dig into the soft, expensive sheets that lie underneath you. You mouthed a silent, ‘what the fuck?’ to Mallory but your head snapped back at the door..

Three more knocks which were only louder and more persistent than the last.

“Coming!” You quickly called out.

It was pure anxiety that fueled your next actions. You quickly stood up from the bed, trying to walk hurriedly to the door as fast as you could and trying your damn best not to think.. Hoping Mallory also had a idea of who was at the door and also happened to get the fuck out of view.

You didn’t want a repeat of yesterday happening again today, and you knew you wouldn’t hesitate to slap Michael if he tried to flirt with her again. Even though, you knew you weren’t supposed to act like that anymore.. but why should you have manners if Michael refused them as well?

Opening the door swiftly and without a second thought; you stood breathless as you saw a familiar blonde standing in front of you.

You both stared at each other at first - each not daring to have the balls to say ‘hello’ or anything else for that matter.. You noticed how Michael first eyed you up, fully looking up and down your body (as well as peering behind you, hopefully not making eye contact with Mallory). You made a point to just look into Michaels eyes, refusing to do what he was doing.. whatever the fuck that truly was.

“How did you know I would be here?” You breathed.

“I knew it was just a matter of time before you’d come, but it also never hurt to charm the hotel staff a bit,” Michael responded swiftly without a second beat, almost as if he anticipated your words. His lips upturned slightly at the edges, in a way that nearly made your stomach sick.

“The hotel staff-?!”

“I have connections everywhere y/n, I thought you knew that,” he sneered.

He brushed past you as you continued to stand in shock. Your mouth slightly falling open as Michael took a few steps into your apartment - looking curiously around, almost as if he knew Mallory was here..

“I did.. I think that’s obvious,” you shot back hurriedly. “But thank you for the apartment again, Michael. I still feel weird taking it but it is nice I’ll admit,” you continued. Hoping to make him turn around to look back at you and hopefully not find Mallory.. Which worked. At least for a few seconds at least.

Michael made direct eye contact with you for a moment, almost as if he wanted to speak but was deliberately choosing not too. Instead he turned around, walking in deeper in the apartment.

Your mouth immediately dropped open - your feet carried yourself forward as you started to feel a bit numb with shock- not knowing even in the slightest how you were going to handle the situation if Mallory didn’t fucking move.

Sure enough..

“You always manage to linger.. don’t you?” Michael spoke.

It took only a couple steps for you to fully realize he wasn’t speaking to you. You only saw his backside as you approached them. Quickly meeting Mallorys gaze as you came into view.. Her brown eyes darker than ever as she peered up at you.

This time it is nearly impossible to distinguish whether she looked in agony from Michaels appearance or yours; since you apparently interrupted them. Her gaze quickly returned back to meet Michaels before you could think anything of it.

“I’m not here to see you, Michael.” Mallory announced. Her tone harsher than what you were expecting what apparent friends would use.. Were they even really friends?

Mallory suddenly stood up while Michael was still standing a few feet in front of her. Making eye contact with Michael for a split second before almost ducking around him before she stood in front of you.. leaving Michael speechless behind her. She quickly hugged you, her arms only embracing you for a split second before leaving. It was obvious she was in a hurry to leave now but.. you weren’t sure exactly why.

“I should get going, you and Michael have a lot to talk about,” she subtly smiled before turning to leave.. not letting you reply or have any sort of reaction to her words.

You stood solemnly as you heard Mallory’s footsteps gradually go farther away, before hearing the door open and close. You watched Michaels back as he refused to turn around.

“How was your nice chat with Mallory?”

“Why are you asking? Am I not allowed to see her or something?” You bit back. Your words possibly twice as venomous as his were.

Michael hastily turned around, looking at you with utter disbelief. His blue eyes looking into yours, as if he was suddenly surprised by your tone and how you were acting - as if his behavior didn’t proceeded yours.

“You need to relax,” he snapped. He approached you until he was right in front of you. “I wasn’t asking because I’m trying to control you, I know that’s what your thinking,” His words fell soft until they were nearly inaudible. “I just wanted to ask what she talked to you about.”

“About us?” You prompted.

“Well what else would she be talking to you about,” he snickered. His words spoken as more of a statement than a question. His laughter quickly dwindled off after he saw how rigid your frame suddenly looked. “Kidding. For the most part.. she said she was going to talk to you, and I figured I should actually speak to you this time rather than her.”

“Are you.. actually trying to trust me, Michael Langdon?” You teased. A smile, as well as laughter escaped from your lips at the mere thought.

Even though the thought was amusing on its own, you still didn’t completely trust him. Even now when he had Mallorys trust (for the most part), you still didn’t doubt that he had a ulterior motive.

Michael finally stepped back, hesitantly breaking eye contact before inaudibly beckoning you to follow him.

“I’m trying, just like how I told you I would,” He hauntingly reminded you.

You followed him silently to the long leather couch that sat by the overly expansive windows. Sitting down next to him in a way that felt almost too casual.. but being casual around Michael and not borderline fearing for your life was something you would have to adjust too.

You noticed how he instantly slipped his shoes off; drawing up his feet on the couch.. his arms and as well the rest of him contained. Away from you.

“So if your trying.. now,” you suggested uncertainly. “Then.. tell me why you came here to talk suddenly again? I mean why not just go through Mallory again like you’ve doing previously?”

“(Y/n), please. Take me seriously and just trust me for once,” His words came out quick and stern as he spoke them. “I was being serious yesterday, as well as all the other times when I told you I wanted to start.. putting effort in and trying.”

You stared at Michael utterly dumbfounded.. Feeling a bit hopeless that you actually felt almost.. touched by his words. That’s if he was actually being serious, anyway.

“What does trying mean to you?” You asked carefully. Your mind naturally went back to Madison.. were they even broken up yet? Was that even something that Michael was willing to do for you, and how was that something you could just ask? “What about-“

“Madison’s fine. She’s fine.. with everything,” he replied hesitantly.

You simply ignored the fact that he seemed to pick up what you were talking about almost immeadietly.. focusing on rather the latter part of the sentence.. that she was okay with everything?

“So she knows? That you’re here?”

“Yeah. She knows but that’s besides the point. Madison isn’t a part of the equation anymore, I don’t want to talk about her,” He spoke as if his words were final and not to be argued with, but his tone wasn’t angry. He was just done.. and you were too.

You wish that wasn’t the case though. Cutting Madison off didn’t sit right with you in the slightest, and it would definitely have to be something that would have to be mended later. That was a given.

Madison and Michaels relationship was far too close for them to suddenly split and remain like that forever - it was temporary, but so is everything really. That shouldn’t phase you but - it still managed too.

“Okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t-“ you started.

“It’s fine. I knew you would ask.. She’s the reason why I’m here actually,” His eyes broke contact and averted down to his hands. “I don’t mean that as in I’m not here to see you but, it was something she said that brought me here.” He continued, his voice almost growing soft now at just the mention of his ex girlfriend.. and now, you felt like you actually were starting to understand his point of view. Not fully but, it was clear that Michael was trying to be more open with you, and this time he wasn’t ‘fake’ drunk.

It took nearly everything in you to not immeadietly retort but just like the night where you were at the party; you tried to fully hear him out since this was apparently one of the few times he was being civil.

“So Madison gave you advice and you actually took it?” You said while laughing softly. Trying to lighten the mood since Michael seemed to be brooding.

Michael didn’t laugh back but instead his gaze flickered up to meet yours for a moment. The corners of his mouth upturning in a shallow smile that only lasted for a few seconds.

“I did because it made sense.” He said, his tone still remaining serious. You noticed how careful he was being with his words.. something that was typical for Michael to do but this time it seemed a bit too deliberate. You wanted to ask what exactly Madison even told him to do but.. that felt wrong. “It was also the right thing to do.. Being close to you is something I should’ve done a while ago, probably immeadietly-“

“But what’s in the past; stays in the past. And since your so adamant about being close to me.. we can always try now,” you cut in.

Michael continued to sit a good distance away from you; you thought it was ironic how he could talk about wanting to get close with you but wouldn’t dare to move any closer. That thought made your pride a little bit too happy.

Right before he could open his mouth to say something; his phone rang. The sound suddenly earsplitting and blaring but Michael didn’t bother to flinch. Instead he stood up and answered his phone.. making sure to nearly trek across the apartment before he said anything into the phone.

You stretched and casually examined him as he talked, you had a feeling who it was on the line..

After how tense things were with Mallory - you knew they probably weren’t going to be on friendly terms anytime soon.. especially in front of you. And judging by how.. oddly relaxed he seemed (yet timid when he caught your gaze and realized you were staring), it had to be one person.

You were about to sink back into the couch and try your best to not speculate what they were talking about, but before you could fully turn - you realized Michael was sauntering towards you.. clearly still on the phone.

Oh fuck.

Before you could ask what was wrong, the look he gave you alone ushered you to silence.

He quickly held the phone away from his ear. A quick glance at the screen confirmed that the call was still active.

“You said you forgive Madison.. right?” He spoke lowly. His words barely audible, more so mouthing the words than actually speaking them.

You looked at him with a expression you’re sure looked as if you were furious but you were really just completely confused. You wanted to ask but.. there was no time if she was on the phone, but knowing what you were about to get yourself into would also be nice to know.

His eyes had since lost the sharpness that had nearly cut you earlier, instead swarming with urgency and a bit of panic.. It had to be Madison. The only person that could ever have that effect on Michael was Madison.

You simply nodded in response. Not trusting yourself to speak quietly outloud but you also didn’t exactly trust your response because it wasn’t exactly truthful, but Michael seemed to be level headed.. for now.

Michael immeadietly turned and held the phone back up to his ear, this time staying in closer proximity and within ear shot. Putting on his shoes as he continued to hold the conversation he was having.

“Okay

...

So when are you coming?

...

Great, see you then. . . Bye.”

If you didn’t just hear the words that you thought you had heard.. you knew under normal circumstances your heart would’ve ached when you realized how Michael hesitated before he said goodbye, most likely catching himself before he said ‘I love you’. Instead though, you felt a gruesome wave of nausea suddenly rise through you.. urging you to shakily stand up and speak without thinking.

“She’s coming to see you?”

Michael barely gave you a second glance as he turned around and started to head for the front door of the apartment.

“Yes. You’ll be seeing her too, don’t worry.” He spoke before he quickly let the door shut behind him.

You continued to stand, utterly speechless.

Part of you wanted to run after him and the other part merely wanted to scream in anger that he had already made fucking plans but instead you felt numb. Numb and calm.

You returned to your bag and unpacked, trying your best to not let your emotions consume you like they previously had too many times.. until you finally broke down and called Mallory.

Taglist: @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakescoven @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @king-with-no-crovvn @melodylangdon @littledemondani @langdons-pinkyring @celestialrequiem @sojournmichael @mindlesschicca

Let me know if u would like to be added or removed to the taglist!!

#michael x reader #Michael Langdon x reader #michael langdon fanfic #michael langdon fanfiction #Michael Langdon #my fic #Imminient Annihilation #hopefully y’all like this and it’s not all over the place djdjd #about to post to ao3 like always #ALSO thank u for the 2k hits on ao3!! 🥺💖#also side note - Jennifer’s body was amazing and now I wanna write something related 😭

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aeronara · 4 years ago

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quackity's character arc

i keep thinking about how tragic quackity's character is,,,,, i know he probably starts up random lore out of nowhere and that he will Never provide us the angst we want, but if you look at his entire character arc and the shit that he went through, there has been a constant pattern of him being looked down on and people never ever listening to him.

it all started with his relationship with schlatt. schlatt has always objectified quackity, telling him that all he needed to do was sit there and be pretty with a fat ass, and while the phrase "flatty patty" is definitely a joke, i think it's important to consider that c!quackity was definitely offended by it. i mean, who wouldn't be when your husband insults the only thing he told you you were worth for?

and even if you see their entire marriage as just a bit and see them as political partners instead, schlatt still betrayed quackity and tricked him. quackity wanted to work with him as a team, but instead he was pushed to the side, forced to work under him instead.

the white house is the final straw for quackity, and he finally kills schlatt and joins pogtopia. schlatt is his first bad influence in the smp.

but when schlatt dies, he is overwhelmed with different emotions and he's clearly confused on how to feel about him being gone. that was his abuser, but at the same time, that was his husband. this is when his character starts making iffy choices that don't make sense for how he was like in the beginning of the server and with schlatt—when his moral compass wasn't fucked up and when the guilt and confusion he felt from schlatt's death wasn't present.

after the funeral, he is in the same position in tubbo's cabinet, and he doesn't want to be taken advantage of again. so, he does the only thing that he has seen the people (schlatt) around him do; he makes himself heard by carrying out what he wants to do under the name of the cabinet, because if tubbo won't do it, he will, and he'll do it by force if he has to. and that's what leads to the butcher army against technoblade.

his relationship with technoblade has always been one of prey and predator, and again, technoblade is yet another powerful figure that looks down on him. techno has killed him before, and he can kill him again because that's just how techno is: powerful and ruthless and scary.

quackity doesn't want to feel scared or weak anymore. not like how he felt working under schlatt.

and the butcher army really does have justifiable reasons to kill technoblade. he sided with dream and wilbur in destroying l'manberg, and he needs to suffer the consequences. so when quackity hears techno tell him that he's changed, he can't believe him. because the man is too powerful and has already proved quackity to be yet another traitor that he can't trust.

that's 2 powerful people who have betrayed quackity now. i think it's safe to say that quackity has a power complex, and now it's understandable why he is so enraged when he first hears about ranboo's betrayal, refusing to listen to tubbo's reasoning and pushing towards execution.

and then there's el rapids. it happened before the butcher army, and while it seems like just some side plot, it shows quackity's hatred towards the people in power, deriving from his previous relationship with schlatt and the trauma he's faced working under him. he deals with this trauma differently than tubbo by expressing it through anger instead, and he has unconsciously adopted traits from his abuser as well.

even in the el rapids arc, quackity was belittled and called stupid for going against dream. i'm not going to say quackity was in the right morally in this situation, because he himself said it was a political move requiring sacrifices, but he was in the right when he pointed out the control dream has over the server. and after talking with dream, quackity finally realizes that as long as he has no attachments to anything, like how dream has cut off his attachments with anyone, he will finally be in control of his life, and dream and whoever else is in power will have no control over him.

and that's exactly what he's doing right now. he's looking for control, and by creating a casino with sam to control the economy??? this is exactly what he thinks he needs, because maybe he'll finally have the upper hand in the server and maybe he won't be looked down on anymore. he needs control to feel secure for once. no one has listened to him after all he has done to try and help the server (despite his very skewed reasoning and methods of action), and after trying to take people down by violence, he is resorting to politics for control.

from what i've seen, his character is one of the most tragic in the server. he has had no control over his life, over his future, and he has seen l'manberg blow up twice now, along with the fact that no matter what he did to help, it always failed because of the fact that no one ever listened to him.

(in conclusion, fuck c!schlatt)

#quackity #quackityhq #dreamwastaken #dream #technoblade #tubbo #schlatt #jschlatt #dream smp #nara rants

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babylooneytoonz · 4 years ago

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A Gangster's Heart - Tommy Shelby x Reader

A/N : I just felt like writing this because I was feeling weirdly emotional when I woke up. Also, I didn't get a chance to proofread it so please pardon me if there are some grammatical shits. I was on a Peaky Blinders hiatus and I just hadn't written in so long, please forgive me if this is bad .

Warnings : Just Angst , Mentions of vulgarity

You glared at the man in the Blinder cap that was leaning against the doorframe of your quaint little shop in Small Heath, Birmingham City. You pulled out a small brown box from one of the drawers and slammed it rather loudly against your desk, sliding the keys in as you twisted it around and the box unlocked with an unceremonious click. You looked at the bills that were securely resting inside, and a hollow feeling filled you up when you realized that you had been saving this to buy your mother that dress at the seamstress shop.

"I always pay my bloody rent. This month the business 's tight. I even told Finn that this month I need a relaxation on the bloody rent and I will pay it all with the next month's rent. Why are you here again asking for the goddamn money?"

"Listen, Miss, we really are in no fucking position to not do what Tommy asks us to, so if Tommy –“ the man you knew as Curly shuffled the weight of his body from his left foot to right, and his palm slid into the pocket of his pants as he pulled out a box of cigarettes.

"So if Tommy asks you to jump off a fucking building, you are going to jump off the fucking building, yeah?' Exasperated, you slammed the box shut, and slid it back into the drawer again.

"I can come back tomorrow, Mr. Shelby won't ask me for the money until 9 in the morning. I can come collect it at 8."

You let out a loud groan of frustration, and involuntarily, your elbows came to rest on the desk as you buried your face into your palms. Finally taking a deep breath, you looked up, and your lips parted, your lower lip almost quivering, "Listen, I - I can't bloody pay Tommy the rent this month, the business is tight, and I barely made enough to pay my apartment rent."

Curly almost shook his head, scratching the side of his face as his hand mechanically flew up to his lips and he took a drag of his cigarette. Finally he nodded, and cleared his throat, "T's okay, Miss Y/L/N, I'll inform Tommy."

"You do that." You nodded and watched him leave. Almost instantly, you slammed your fist against your desk in frustration and let out an unceremonious groan, more so at the sudden onset of a headache at the side of your head. "Great, just fucking great."

An hour later, you grabbed your trenchcoat, throwing your arms through the sleeves in a hurried manner, and wrapped your scarf around your neck to keep yourself warm. These days, you were staying at your shop for longer hours, and this meant that you left from the shop at the odd night hours, mostly after 10. You grabbed your house keys, and walked out of the shop, your boots crushing the faint hue of ice that blanketed the streets of Small Heath, and you locked your shop.

Hugging the side of your arms, you started walking down the sidewalk, keeping your head to the ground, when you heard the sound of hushed whispers that made your head snap up in the direction of the voices. For the people of Small Heath, the men who belonged to the Peaky Blinders always stood out, perhaps it was because of how they dressed, and the unmistakable razorblade caps on top of their heads.

Of course, Tommy Fucking Shelby had sent them to probably collect the rent from you. You didn't know what came over you, but the nearest you could classify it as was a fit of rage, as you found yourself walking towards the men, your nostrils flared, and your fingers clenched together in a fist, balling the side of your coat.

"Listen here, I already told Curly that I'm in no fucking position to pay this month's bloody rent. You can all go and tell your boss that intimidating me by sending you lads is not going to fucking get me to pay the fucking rent."

One of the man took of his cap and stepped a bit closer, raising both his hands in the air, "but Miss Y/N, Mr. Shelby hasn't – "

"Oh, please lad. Don't justify the threatening acts of your boss, just because he runs your razorblade gang, it doesn't mean that I'm scared of him. Where the fuck is he anyway? I would rather settle this with him on his bloody face than stand around in the middle of the street at 10 at night and argue with you all." You huffed, as words shot out of your mouth like bullets raining down on them. The man who had began speaking stood there with his jaw slightly hanging, and no words came out of his lips.

"Well, I'm gonna go and settle this at the betting shop. Talk directly with Tommy." Before waiting for them to reply, you turned your tail, and started walking down the same street again, in the same direction from where you had come. But this time, your steps were confident, your head was raised as you found yourself walking towards the Shelby Betting shop.

•·················•·················•

"Miss, where do you think you are going?" Someone's voice called out as you barged through the front door, and pushed your way through a few men that were already on their way out, ignoring the voice of the man who had called out to you.

You walked up to the massive copper door that held a plate that read TS, and you abruptly knocked on the door. You waited a few seconds when you heard the muffled voices inside the room go off, and heavy footsteps began ascending towards the door on the other side.

You crossed your arms over your chest, and waited until the door finally opened, and you saw John leaning by the door.

"John."

Acknowledging him barely, you pushed past him and stepped inside, until you were striding towards Tommy who was standing by the telephone, speaking to someone. His icy blue eyes met yours and he slowly raised his palm towards you, asking you to hold on to whatever you had to say to him, while John just made his way to where you were and fixed himself by your side, giving you a confused look.

Finally, after about a minute, Tommy finally hung up and placed the receiver back, slowly turning to you.

"Is there anything –"

"Cut it, Tommy. If you think you can scare me off by sending your Blinders to do your dirty bidding for you, then you're wrong. Here– " Your fingers flew to your scarf, and Tommy just squinted his eyes, his confusion evident from his face as he turned to look at John and then back at you.

"What are you– "

You pulled off a gold chain that you remembered wearing almost all your life; ever since you were a little girl. It was that one piece of jewelry that you owned, and that you cherished, because it had been given to you by your father. You literally pulled at the chain, hissing slightly as it detached itself from your neck and you curled your fingers tightly around it, and finally slammed it on Tommy's desk.

"There. I hope this will be enough. I don't have anything else that I can give you. I hope to God that this settles it."

Turning around, not even waiting for Tommy to reply, and without sparing a look at his confused brother, you turned your tail and fuming, you walked out of Tommy's office, without giving him another look. Brittle tears stung in your eyes and your cheeks felt hot. You kept walking, ignoring the way your body was shaking, like an autumn tree shedding its leaves until you were outside and fixed to the wall, the back of your head resting against its surface. Finally, you broke down, your palm pressed to your trembling lips as you were taken over by uncontrollable sobs.

You didn't know how you calmed yourself; but somehow you did. You wiped your tear stained cheeks with your sleeve and looked up at the sky for a bit, staring at the moonless night, as you started walking back home, with your thoughts and your heavy heart. You were angry with Tommy Shelby, you were angry with yourself, and how you had to depend on the Peaky Blinders to run your little shop.

You kept walking, until the familiar silhouette of your tiny apartment was visible, it's dull grey white walls a striking contrast to the red brick buildings around it. A lonely flickering lightbulb illuminated the front door, and the windows of the building looked like they were about to fall off. It wasn't the best place to live, but it was home. You smiled to yourself when you saw your mother standing by the kitchen window, her frail little hands working on the dishes as she scrubbed them relentlessly. And just as quick the smile was, it vanished into thin air at the sight of her.

You lifted your foot, ready to walk towards her when a vulgar leer subjected to you made you freeze on spot, "Oi look what we've got here, eh lads, what a pretty little thing she is." You could only look at them, with bewilderment and fear in your eyes, as two men stepped out of nowhere, and fixed themselves on either side of you.

"Yeah, leave me the bloody hell alone," you mumbled as you tried to manoeuvre your way through the space between them, in an attempt to walk away, but one of them grabbed your arm, and pulled you back with a rough tug, "Now who the fuck asked you to leave eh? Fuckin' whore."

The man stank of booze and sweat, and it made you want to throw up. You threw him a look full of disgust, and anger as you placed your palm where the man was gripping your arm and tried to pry his hand off you, "Get your fucking hands off me. Don't you dare touch me."

"Maybe you didn't hear me, you whore. I didn't ask you to leave. Where's a pretty little thing like you headed when I can show you, yeah, a bloody good time?" He only laughed, while his hand suddenly shot out and grabbed the hem of your coat, his fingers now dragging it up so he could reach your skirt. You smacked at his hand, hard enough for the slap to echo back into your ears and tried to move away.

"Maybe you need to be taught a fucking lesson." The man spat at the ground beside you, and the other man grabbed your other arm, as they started dragging you towards the dumpster by the side of the street, on the sidewalk. You screamed, as loud as your throat could, thrashing your feet and trying to get away, but they were two, and you were a woman, nowhere as strong as their grips on you were.

The men somehow managed to drag your protesting form to the dumpster, and they pushed you over it, so you had your front pressed to it, your body bent over it at an awkward angle. You hissed, your eyes closing as reflex when you felt a slithering hand latch itself to your thighs, underneath your coat and the hand started moving upwards, forcing you to try to press your legs together to stop him from going any further, "Quit whining you bitch, and let me show you what a real lad takes a whore like. You must like it rough yeah? You must love to have our cocks smashin' into that tight little cunt of yours?"

You closed your eyes, your throat now parched from the screaming, but you knew, deep down that no one was coming. You were on your own.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" That voice enough was enough to tell you that the men had their death sentences already laid out. Maybe it was Tommy's voice, or maybe it was the realization who he was, the hands that were seconds back trying to grope you immediately pulled away.

"We were, uh, just having fun."

"Would you still have fun if I decide to fucking cut your throats and leave you to bleed to your deaths?" Finally, he stepped closer to you, and that's when the men saw who he was, and the realization finally sunk in, as the pale moonlight now illuminated his face, his emotionless eyes and the vein that popped over his eyebrow.

"Mr. Shelby, we .. we.. oi, get the fuck out of here, Jack.." He screamed at the man that was accompanying him, and the two of them turned around immediately, pulling you by your arm and thrusting you into Tommy's chest, to buy them time to escape. The minute your body collided with Tommy's, his arm immediately wrapped around your waist, his hand coming to hold you from the low of your back to steady to your feet. Once he was sure that you were okay, he roughly shoved you towards the wall, and his form stepped in front of you, shielding your vision from what he was going to do.

"Look away, Y/N," his voice commanded.

"Tommy, please get me out of –"

"What bloody part of look away do you not understand?" He practically snapped at you and the crudeness in his words made you almost whimper and press yourself against the wall, as you turned towards the wall and pressed your face to it.

Your body shuddered, even more so when you heard the two shots that were fired from a gun, and suddenly it went silent.

"Come on, love," you felt someone place his arms over either of your shoulders , almost pulling you towards him and slowly, numbly you turned around, tears freely spilling down your eyes, the shrill ringing sound buzzing through your ears. Tommy pulled you close, almost into his chest, as he protectively wrapped his arm around your shoulder and nudged you to walk with him.

"You killed them, you fucking ... killed them." Words began spilling from your mouth as tears began spilling again from your eyes, and you didn't stop mumbling, it was like your mind was blank, and your lips were moving on your own. It was only when Tommy's index finger pressed to your lips, that you stopped mumbling those barely incoherent words, and craned your neck to look at him as you mouthed, in a low voice, "you killed them, Tommy."

Tommy kept you pressed to himself, his arm holding you as he began walking down the street, and you moved along with him.

"This is who I am. Yeah, I fucking killed them, and I would do it again, and will not feel a bloody ounce of regret if they tried to do that again."

It was as though your mind had frozen out, you couldn't think straight. You were still shaking from the aftermath of what you had just witnessed. When you didn't reply, he slowly let go off your shoulder, and you stepped away, almost immediately. He didn't say anything though, as his hand slid into his pocket and he pulled out his box of cigarettes, "I'm going to walk you home."

"No, I need a fucking drink. Just walk me to a place where I could get a fucking drink."

•·················•·················•

Tommy Shelby brought you to the Garrison. And now you were seated on a couch, in the private room of the pub that Thomas Shelby owned. You had already drank two glasses of Irish Whiskey and Tommy was pouring your third glass for you, when you finally looked up at him and reached out, roughly grabbing his other free hand that was laying on the table. He immediately looked up, his eyes meeting yours halfway, as you tilted your head and questioned him silently with your eyes, "I appreciate what you did for me, Tommy, but you didn't have to shoot them."

Tommy leaned forward, sliding your glass towards you and he sat back again, his hand mechanically moving up to his lips as he inhaled the smoke from his lit cigarette.

"Listen, there are things that I do, I do them for a fucking reason, I didn't want you to see which is why I asked you to bloody look away." His voice was cold.

You curled your fingers around your glass and lifted it up, bringing it to your lips as you took a small sip of the drink, letting the burning liquid rush down the canal of your throat. When you didn't reply, Tommy leaned forward, his fists clenched and his lips pressed together.

"I can see that you want to say something, Tommy." You almost whispered.

"This is the fucking reason why, I don't like you working at the shop after the sun sets."

You almost snorted at his words, and instantly your glass flew to your lips, and this time you gulped down two mouthfuls of it and placed the glass back, giving Tommy a look that reflected the annoyance you felt at the situation, "Are you telling me it's my fucking fault, that I wanted this to fucking happen?"

"If I wasn't there on time," Tommy almost began, but his voice was incredibly low, and he immediately stopped his words from spilling out, thinking that you hadn't heard, but you had heard him nonetheless, "Where the hell were the boys when this happened?"

"What?" Your head snapped in his direction, as you gave him a look of confusion.

"Nothing. Come on. I'm gonna walk you home."

"Thomas –" You stood up almost immediately, your eyes burning a hole at the back of his head. "What did you mean about the boys?"

Tommy took a last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it into the ashtray as he stood up, and slid his hand into one of his pockets, before placing your gold chain on the table.

"Curly told me of the word he had with you today. And I told him that it was alright." He pressed his palm against the chain and slid it towards you, pulling his hand away. You kept glancing at the chain for a few seconds before you slowly lifted your gaze, fixing it on him.

"I don't understand. Then why were your Blinders following me?"

"They weren't. They were just doing what I had asked them to do."

You stood up, striding towards Tommy until you had placed your palm on his arm, and yanked his head towards you so you could stare into his eyes. "You asked them to follow me. So you could get the fucking money."

The man in front of you shook his head, and pulled his arm away, without uttering a word. You watched as he walked up to the door and fixed himself by the doorframe , his back turned towards you.

"Harry? Where the fuck's Curly? Send him in, yeah?"

He cleared his throat, and turned back towards you, not meeting your gaze.

"I won't accept that chain. You should keep it. And as for the rent, Curly can collect it next month."

You opened your mouth, but at that exact moment, a rather flustered looking Curly knocked on the door and Tommy's attention drifted away, "Curly, can you please make sure Miss Y/ L/N gets back home?" Without giving you a second glance, he walked off and you were left to look at Curly, wondering what you had said to him for him to react the way he did.

"Curly?"

"Yes? Miss Y/N?"

You walked up to the doorframe, and looked out, your eyes scanning for Tommy but you didn't see him anywhere. You craned your neck back so you were now looking at Curly, "If Tommy was okay with me not paying you today, then why were the Blinders following me?"

His hand flew to the back of his head and he gave you a sheepish smile, before flicking his glance away and then back at you.

"It's not really my place to say."

"Curly."

"Oh alright! Tommy sends the Blinders everyday. He just wants to make sure that you safely reach home from the shop and no one bothers you on your way."

•·················•·················•

"Harry! Have you seen Tommy anywhere?" You were literally out of breath as you slammed both your palms against the counter and the bartender looked at you.

"Mr. Shelby just left a few minutes ago."

You didn't even listen to anything else, you had already turned your tail and were practically running out of the Garrison, not bothering as your shoulders knocked into people on your way out.

Stepping into the cold, brittle street, your arms reflexively flew to the side of your arms as you ran down the street, ignoring the way the people were looking at you and murmuring whispers amongst each other. You weren't bothered what they were thinking about you, and your eyes were fixed on the man who was now inches away from you, smoke coiling around him and his back turned towards you as he walked down the street.

"For fucks sake, Thomas Shelby, are you really going to make me run after you like this in the dark?" You called out, watching him freeze as he turned towards you.

"Does that man never listen? I thought I asked Curly to take you home."

Immediately, your hand shot up, and you almost placed your palm up so you could let him know you were speaking. His cold, emotionless eyes moved from your hand to your face, his expressions unreadable.

"I was wrong. But you are worse than me. You send in your fucking Blinders to make sure that I get home safe but never once bother to tell me why. You secretly care about me, but never let me fucking find out. Thomas Shelby, I really don't understand why you do the things you do. You see, from the day I've known you Tommy, the only impression you've given me is that you probably hate me. Or, I don't exist. And then you secretly do this. I am tired of playing these games Thomas Shelby, and I am done begging you to answer. What is wrong with you?"

You watched as Tommy parted his lips in an attempt to reply, but all that shot out of those lips was the foggy winter air before he clamped his mouth shut again. He almost took a step closer and suddenly all you could feel was a weird tension lingering in the air.

"You know what your problem is? You think too much, you bloody assume too much. You're telling me you think I fucking hate you, when all I've ever done is to make sure you're okay."

"Why would you even fucking care about me?" Your voice sounded weak, but you didn't care. You hadn't realized when your lips had started trembling and hot tears had started skimming down your cheeks. Tommy let out a barely audible sigh as he brought his palms closer to your face, his reluctance to hold you pretty evident. Finally, after fighting with himself for so longer, he let his palms cup your cheeks as he pled your face to his, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Some things are best left unsaid, love. I will always care for you, whether you like it or not. Who knows where you'll be tomorrow, who you'll be with, but you will always mean something to me." You smiled when you felt Tommy's lips press against yours, and in those few seconds he kissed you, he gave you all the answers that you wanted, and he didn't even have to say a word.

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years ago

Text

The Choices We Make (Tom Holland) [2]

A/N: First off, i would like to say thank you so much for all the love and support on part 1, it truly means the world to me <3 second, i am so sorry for the long wait but here we are! thank you for your patience you kind angels! Hope you guys like this as much as the first aha! x

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Summary: Tom realises what you two had and everything that he wasted. He realises he needed to fight for you and that he can’t lose you for good. But will he be able to make things right and have you back in his arms again or will it be too late?

Warnings: heart wrenching angst, a lot of crying from both persons, a bit of fluff but it’s flashbacks and typos?

Word Count: 14.4k+

Masterlist in Bio

NOTE: Flashbacks are in Italics

-:-:-:-:-

Where does Tom start?

Well, he can start with the fact that he's miserable. The fact that he's a disgusting piece of shit who deserves nothing but to be miserable, no less, maybe more.

You were so good to him, too good. You treated him more than he deserved. Even after what he did, even after he betrayed you, never did you treat him any less of man when in fact, he deserves to be treated like shit.

With a heart as kind as yours, when you showed him nothing but pure love, how could he have done what he did? A question so heavy as Tom asks himself as to why, but only ends up empty, it only ends up unanswered.

This makes him feel even more stupid. A downright disgrace given that he's ruined something so precious and special all for nothing, not even for something remotely worth it.

He could say he did it for sex, which is really rotten no matter the circumstance, doesn't make things better even by the littlest bit. But even then, it still wasn't worth it. He threw away so much just for sex? What a shallow reason to destroy such a beautiful relationship isn't it?

Quite frankly, nothing he will ever say will make things better. Not a single reason would justify the way he broke such a kind heart that gave him nothing but blissful happiness, gave him the truest forms of love.

The damage has already been done, he's already destroyed everything, hearts and trusts turned to nothing but fractured pieces.

Just how could he? How could he have done that to you?

You didn't deserve any of it.

All the times he's ignored you, made you feel unwanted. The countless times he's pushed you away and hurt you with his angry words. Hell, just the fact that he's made you feel like you weren't enough was a crime in itself.

Tom has been with you for three years, three fucking years, and during that time you had always been enough, more than enough. But that's the thing, realization and regret always comes last, always comes when it's too late.

You only realize just how much something is worth until you lose it.

It's been hours since you left, and Tom feels so utterly lost.

You we're his true north and now that you're gone, he was lost. Lost on where he'll go from here, lost on what to do, lost on who he's become.

A part of him knew he should've chased after you, but then what? He doesn't know what more he could say. He was still in deep doubt if he was fixing things or breaking it further if he continued to run his mouth. He at least needs to get his mind straight, get himself together or he'll say something that will make things even worse than it already is.

Tom sulked in bed right after everything, right after he heard that front door shut. He let himself drown in his tears and his regretful thoughts, both overwhelming him to the point that he passed out without even realizing.

Now, here he was, fully awake but still in bed. The sun was on its highest but Tom had no clue what time it was. With a broken phone, there was no way of telling unless he moves to grab a watch. But he doesn't really feel like moving. He just wants to rot in bed — or in hell as he rightfully deserves — and do absolutely nothing.

The whole house was eerily quiet and very cold, and he doesn't want to explore its state when he knows how it was coated with so much warmth before, your warmth. Was this how it felt for you when he doesn't come home? If so, then Tom feels even more of a shitty person than he already is.

But the world won't stop its course just to wait for him now won't it? So despite it all, Tom willed himself to get up and out of bed with a heavy heart, pushed himself to at least do the next right thing, whatever it may be.

Feet dragging against the tiled floor, Tom reached the living room with a broken sigh. His bloodshot eyes landed on the number of frames on top of the fireplace, photos upon photos of you and him, his frown deepening as the pain squeezed at his heart.

He walked over and took one in his hand, the one where Tom had an arm wrapped around your waist as he rests his head on your shoulder, eyes crinkling at the corners as both of you smiled wide and bright, the calming view of the Grand Canal just behind you as you explore the wondrous city of Venice.

The photo was taken by Harry during the shooting of Spider-Man: Far From Home, where you traveled with him and supported him from the first day to the very last.

It was such an innocent picture, mundane even, but so many memories came flooding inside Tom's mind with one simple look. And slowly but surely he was reminded how it used to be, how happy you both were just being together. Tom was reminded how special, how real it was, what you two had.

It doesn't even end with just the pictures, the whole house was a constant reminder too all the things he's wasted, all the beautiful things that made him feel nothing but pride and joy, utter euphoria to have such a wonderful woman in his life.

The whole house that was littered with all things you, from every room to every hall, from your precious laughter to the gorgeous sounds of pleasure that once bounced off the very same walls. Tom can still hear it, replaying inside his head loud and taunting to not let him forget each blissful memory that composed of you and him.

But now it's tainted by his blatant mistake, spoiled by his scandalous choices and he will never be able to forgive himself for that.

With a sharp intake of breath, Tom wiped the tears that slipped down his cheek with the back of his hand. He brought the frame up to his shirt to rid of the droplets that coated the glass, returning it back gently, carefully in sheer fear that he'll break it if he wasn't cautious enough.

Tom knows he owes you countless amounts of apologies, and at least a proper closure. He wasn't going to let last night be the end of it all, he knows he needs to talk to you. He needs to answer whatever question you have, and tell you what he truly feels. He just knows that the demons in your head are relentless. In whatever way he can, he needs to appease your mind with nothing but honesty so that it won't eat you up from the inside out.

He won't be able to live with himself even more if he just leaves you to blame yourself for his choices. And he's not going to stop until it sticks with you that this was nowhere near your fault. This was all on him, and he has to make sure you understand that loud and clear.

So right after he's bought a new phone, he drove towards the only place he knows where you'll be.

***

"Come on guys, open up," Tom tried again, knuckles rapping at the wooden door for the tenth time.

He's been outside the twins' house for roughly fifteen minutes now, and it's either no one was home or they were ignoring him. He figured it was the latter for obvious reasons, and he was proven right when he heard rushed footsteps on the other side when he gave the door another knock.

"Go away Tom, I genuinely don't want to deal with you right now," Harry fumed, boiling anger evident in his tone, a dead giveaway that he was well aware of what had happened.

Did Tom really expect his brothers to be calm about it? No, not even by a little. If he fucks up, they're the first ones to put him back in his place. And now—well, now he fucked up very badly.

Too add to that, the boys care about you a lot. It's been such a heartwarming thing for Tom to see you grow close with them, to see them accept you as part of the family. He understands why they're angry at him and they have every right to be.

"I know she's in there. Just open up, please," Tom sighed, palm flat against the surface as he waits for the lock to click open. Harry scoffed at that, voice muffled due to the door that's still in the way. "She is, but what gave you the idea that she wants to see you?"

That stung, but Tom also can't say he was surprised. Hell, he can't even look at himself without grimacing, so he wasn't expecting any less from you. He wasn't expecting things to go smoothly at all with the weight of his actions.

"Look, I get why you're mad at me. But Harry please, I just need to talk to her," he begged, but still to no avail as his brother growled in response. "What part of 'she doesn't want to see you' do you not fucking get?"

Tom was running out of patience, especially now with his emotions all over the place as with his mind. It was crowded in his head, very loud and obnoxious, just pushing and poking until he felt his anger bubble slowly. And before he could stop himself and take a deep breath to stay calm, his voice boomed,

"Just let me in damn it!" Tom's fists hit the door harshly, his emotions overpowering him to the point where he's becoming rash with his actions. He wasn't frustrated at his brother by all means, he was frustrated at himself. After all, there was no other person to blame why everything in his life has gone to absolute shit.

"Oh go and fuck off!" Harry barked, just fuming at the fact that Tom had the audacity to show his face at his house and give him attitude.

"I'm your fucking brother!" Tom knew that was a bullshit come back but he tried it anyway, he'd try anything at this point, growing desperate with each passing second.

He just really needs to see you. He needs some sense of familiarity, someone to ground him back, someone who's going to tame his mind before he losses it completely. That someone has always been you, his sense of peace, his rock.

"Ah yes! Please do remind me Tom because that's the only thing stopping me from going out there to break your fucking teeth you asshole!" It was obvious that both brothers were now feeding off of each other's emotions, voices loud as they go back and forth, and it was only a matter of time before one explodes which well then make things take an awful turn.

"Jeez Harry, calm down for a second yeah?" Sam's voice interrupted before things start to escalate further. What Tom heard next was fairly inaudible, but he can picture the twins arguing, just hearing the exchange of muffled voices. Then a few seconds later —much to his surprise — Sam opened the door.

Tom met his brother's eyes, a breath of relief coming out of him. "Thank you Sa—"

"Don't thank me, this wasn't my decision," Sam said solemnly with a stoic look on his face, a dissatisfied tone in his voice that Tom was quick to catch. "She's waiting for you in the garden," his brother added, stepping out of the way to let Tom in. He locked with Harry's angry eyes on the way, Tom's frown deepening as he tries to say something, to basically apologise for yelling when he has no right to.

"Harry I—"

"Just fucking walk," his brother sneered, tone ice cold. All Tom could do was nod as he pressed his lips into a thin line, walking pass the twins with his head hanging low in shame. Though never did he miss — nor will he forget — Harry's death glare and Sam's disappointed gaze as he made his way towards the back door.

***

The loud bang on the front door and the yelling was what you woke u—no, the fact that the loud voice belonged to Tom was what woke you up.

You don't know how long you've been asleep for, and to be honest, you could still need a bit more.

Last night was still clear as day inside your head. Everything that had happened you remembered as detailed as it can possibly get, from you reading that text message to then running out the house and calling Harry to come pick you up. You knew fully well you weren't in the right state of mind to drive, and you were glad that he didn't mind at all.

Sam came with him, both sporting their worried looks once they pulled over and saw your state. Though they didn't ask any questions once you got inside the passenger's seat, neither pushed to give you air to breath, them only knowing that Tom did something terribly wrong by the way you were crying on the phone.

The three of you just drove around the city for a while, windows down with the music blaring to try and get your mind off of it as much as they can. Both ordered pizza and opted on eating in the car that was parked near the River Thames, looking out into the gorgeous view of the Tower Bridge as it shines its lights in the night. You talked about anything and everything but the elephant in the room—well, car.

You only poured everything out to them when you got back to their house. Full on balling on the couch as you try and form a coherent sentence on what just happened. First they were surprised, unable to believe that their brother could do such a thing. Then you saw the anger cross their features little by little, more so with Harry than Sam. You've traveled with Harry quite a lot, you were a little closer with the boy due to the time spent together, but not by much of course.

They offered you the guest room right after, said that you can stay for as long as you need to. They both were real sweethearts about it, and you owe them a lot for keeping you sane for those couple of hours. You couldn't stomach to imagine what you could've done if they weren’t there.

You thought you'd just let them handle Tom, to not come out of the room until he's gone. You have no idea what more you could say or do if you see him again face to face, especially when everything that has happened was only in a span of under twenty-four hours. You were still overwhelmed, a complete mess both physically and emotionally.

But when you heard just how angry Harry was and how Tom was close to reaching there as well, you couldn't just sit still and let the problem grow even bigger. You can't let yourself be the reason that would cause a tear in their relationship with each other. Because by the end of everything, they're still brothers no matter what.

So slowly, you got out of bed, treaded into the living room where you found Sam sat on the sofa. His leg was bouncing anxiously as he listens to his brothers argue, clearly torn on what was the right thing to do. You walked up to him with a small smile, surprise crossing his features once he saw you awake.

He quickly said that he'd try and talk to Tom and make him leave, assuming that you are uncomfortable with him around but you only shook your head no. You told him it's okay to let his older brother in and that you'll just wait in the back garden for whatever it is he wanted to talk about.

Although relunctant, Sam didn't question your decision further. He just pulled you in for a warm embrace before flashing you a reassuring smile and then walking towards the front door.

Once sat on the wooden bench that was right on the back porch, you kept your gaze steady on the greenery in front of you, back facing the house as you tried to clear your head as much as you can. Basically to organized your thoughts and emotions. The cold evening breeze was helping to calm your nerves, your eyes following the gentle sway of the trees and the soft rustle of the bushes, the hum of the wind invading your ears in the most soothing way. It was a serene sight, so comforting, and slowly you felt yourself relax.

But the moment of peace was soon cut short, your eyes screwing shut once you heard the sliding door open and then close. His footsteps were light but the sound was already deafening for you, as if the rest of the world turned mute for you can only hear his shoes hitting the pavement, just ringing in your ears as you waited in anticipation.

Tom sat down beside you with a hold of his breath, heart aching once he saw your tear-stained cheeks, once he noticed how you kept your eyes tightly closed, purely refusing to look at him for even a split second.

His fingers started to fidget as nerves started to consume him. The action was also in a way to stop himself from reaching over to take your hand, to just feel your skin on his, because oh how much he's miss it, how much he's miss you.

He wasted a month of not holding you, of not getting to truly touch you, and he so badly wanted to pull you closer to him now, to make up with the time lost. But Tom wasn't going to push his luck, not going to over step boundaries because he wasn't in the place to make such decisions, not anymore. He knows that there were so little of both left that if he gets too near, he might end up pushing you farther away. He wasn't going to risk it.

On the way here, he's thought about all the things he was going to say to you. He repeated his speech over and over inside his head even though his words were a jumbled mess. It was something at least, a start. But now that he was seating here with you just a couple inches away, Tom's mind has gone blank. With the hundreds of words he's planned on saying, his lips could only let go of one.

"Y/N..."

You could pinpoint so many things with just the simple call of your name. The guilt, the longing, the regret, even the adoration, it was all there. Having known him for a while, you have gotten good at reading him, even if it's only from his voice, from the highs and lows to the different tones. But that was before, now, you weren't so sure if you actually ever knew him at all.

"What are you doing here Tom?" you asked softly, eyes opening with a sigh but still avoiding his at all costs. Tom ran an anxious hand through his hair, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees as he kept his gaze trained on your beautiful face, smile gone and glow dimmed out, but still so beautiful in his eyes nonetheless.

With a deep breath, he spoke, "I-I came here to apologise, for everything. I know it won't do much but I'm not going stop saying how sorry I am. What I did was so fucked up and I am so sorry darling, I really am," Tom paused and waited for you to get a chance to respond. But when you kept looking forward, when you didn't even move a single muscle, he sighed before adding. "And I just need you to know that this is all on me, none of this is your fault, please keep that in mind Y/N. You did absolutely nothing wrong."

You nodded with a shaky breath, and as you gathered all the strength you could muster, slowly you turned to face him.

The look in your eyes only did nothing but sharpen the pain in Tom's chest. Your once joyful orbs were now bloodshot and full of hurt, all because of him. The more he stared into them, the guiltier he got. The weight of what he's done so evident in your gaze, reminding him of all the promises he broke, reminding him just how much he's broke you.

"Do you have feelings for her?" you asked after a few moments of silence, bottom lip trembling despite trying your best for it not to. Tom shook his head with a deep frown, "No, I don't."

He knew where this was heading. You were going to ask him the questions that's been nagging inside your brain, and Tom was going to answer each one with the truth, no second guessing, just pure honesty.

You shifted in your seat, clearing out the lump that formed in your throat before speaking. "Was she better than me in bed?" you trailed off.

Tom couldn't help but wince at the fact that you've thought about it. He felt so disgusted at himself for such an awful deed, so revolted for putting that image inside your brain.

"No. She doesn't compare to you. I'm so so late on realising this but she doesn't make me feel things the way only you can," he answered truthfully, but you looked away.

You just couldn't hold his gaze. To stare at those brown eyes you once called home, those eyes that used to make you feel safe, it's just a sharp stab at your heart knowing that those same eyes betrayed you. It took everything in your power to not break down, unable to think further about everything without bursting into endless tears, unable to believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

Tom saw this, he saw it in the way you looked at him for that split second, how you just don't trust him anymore. And oh does it hurt, but what did he expect?

You picked at your fingers nails as you kept your head low, trying your hardest to hold yourself together, concealing everything in. But you were grasping onto broken pieces, your heart and mind all fractured, too fragile. The harder you try to keep them as one whole piece, the deeper the cuts you inflict on yourself.

And the picture of him with another woman, touching her in a way that he used to touch you, it feels so vile, an agonizing torture for your already broken heart, and you don't know how much more of the pain you can handle. You don't know how much more you can endure before everything finally falls apart and becomes too damaged to put back together.

But what if that was the right thing to do? What if it was needed to let everything fall apart, to loosen your grip on the broken pieces of yourself for the wounds to heal, for you to be able to start anew? Maybe all you need is for everything to break down completely so you can build them back up, stronger and better.

"She's more beautiful than me isn't she? Has a better body? More talented? She's simply just better than me?" you croaked, trying your best to keep it together. But you were almost there, almost at the point of just letting the whole thing go, to let every emotion come flooding out, the bad and the ugly.

"Fuck no," Tom protested, rubbing a palm across his face in anger, entirely directed at him for planting that thought inside your head in the very first place. He hates seeing you like this, so hurt and full of doubt for no other reason than because of what he did. Tom wanted nothing more than to take away your pain, to take it in himself. He's the one who deserves to suffer, not you, never you.

With a deep breath, Tom tried to keep his emotions steady, gaze still set on you — despite it not being returned since you kept looking forward — his voice soft as he continued, "I know my words don't have any weight for you right now but believe me when I say that you will always be the most beautiful woman I've ever met, both on the outside and the inside, from your heart, to your mind and your soul. You are a gorgeous, wonderful and amazing woman Y/N. Please don't doubt that because of the stupid mistake I did."

The moment you locked eyes with him again, Tom's breath got caught in his throat. Your eyes coated with question, utter distress and seething anger, but the pain, God the pain, Tom can feel it sharp and deep in his bones.

Tears fell from your eyes as tried your best to keep your voice steady, but you just couldn't, with the all the different emotions boiling deep inside, you just couldn't.

"Then why Tom? Why?" you sobbed, Tom's heart shattering at the agonizing sound.

He sat straighter, eyes turning glossy but it never left yours, brown orbs boring into your own. "I-I wish I could give you a good enough reason why I did it but I really don't know. All I know is that I was stupid and it was a huge mistake. I realise that now, a little too late but I did. I took what we had for granted—I took you for granted, and I will always regret it until I die."

"You're just saying the things I want to hear." You shook your head with a soft whimper, breaking his gaze as you shut your eyes, enabling more tears run down and coat your cheeks.

"No darling, look at me," Tom croaked, taking the risk as he reached over to take both your hands in his, and you let him, no flinching, you let him touch you. His heart beat rapidly against his chest as he gave it a squeeze, a silent way of asking you to look at him.

A shaky breath came out of you at the feeling of his warm skin, your tear-filled eyes meeting his own once again, seeing nothing but transparency as he spoke, "I haven't lied to you from the minute I sat here. It's hard to believe, I know. But I swear on Tessa's life I'm telling you the truth, every single word I've said."

Tom moved closer, fingers nervously fiddling with yours as he tried his best to keep his tears at bay. "I-I really do want you back. I want you to come back home, I want to hold you in my arms again but after everything I've done to you, I understand why that won't ever happen. And y-you deserve someone better, so much better than m-me," he choke back a sob, bottom lip trembling at his last sentence.

"You hurt me Tom, so bad," you whimpered, voice laced with so much agony, no more holding everything in as the strong façade you've been putting on crumbles.

To see you break down in front of him, your hands shaking in his grasp, nothing but utter pain coating the dips and valleys of your face, that was all it took for Tom to crack. His tears now streamed down his face, falling freely one after the other as his emotions came crashing through like a tidal wave.

"I-I know darling, I know and I'm s-so fucking sorry," he spluttered, feeling his throat close up as he tried to blink away the tears, to rid of his blurry vision so he can see you. He just wants to see you, cherish every second since he has no idea if there would be a next time after this.

Then delicately, Tom lifted your hand up to his lips, kissing your palm sweetly, all adoringly before he placed it flat against his warm and damp cheek, leaning into your touch with a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry angel," he whispered, voice filled with pure regret and guilt.

You remained silent, still looking into his eyes but you kept still, not knowing where you'll go from here. But then Tom lets out a nervous sigh. "And I want you to know that I—" he cut himself off as cleared out his throat, eyes staring deep into your own before he spoke with absolute sincerity,

"I love you."

Your lower lip quivered with a soft cry, eyes closing as shook your head at him. "That's the first time you've said that to me since you came back home," you said, breath unsteady as you replay those three words inside your head.

Eight letters tied together giving you an overwhelming feeling. That's what it does when you haven't heard those words escape his lips in a long time. And oh how you missed it, you missed hearing him say it, but what did it cause for you to hear it again? Too much, way too much to the point that you were unsure if the words hold the same true meaning as before, doubtful if it meant anything at all or if he just casually threw it in there for the sake of it.

Tom nodded regretfully, letting go of your hand as he went to hold your face, thumb caressing your cheek tenderly, your eyes opening at the feeling of his skin on yours. "And I wish I could've said it to you more often because I truly love you Y/N. If I could go back and change everything, I would in a heartbeat. If I could go back in time I'd tell you over and over just how much you mean to me, how important you are in my life. I'd tell you every hour of every day just how much I love you."

With a sharp intake of breath, Tom leaned forward until his forehead was now resting against yours. His proximity was intoxicating, the tips of your noses were almost brushing and you thought it would be too much, but it wasn't. You welcomed it, the feeling of being so close to him because after everything, his eyes still have the hold against you, Tom will always have a hold against you.

"I love you so much darling and I fucking hate myself for not showing you that enough, because you deserve nothing more than to know that you are loved, to feel that you are loved. And I am so sorry for failing you at both." he whispered, and with one look into his eyes, you knew he was being genuine, his voice was trembling but still, you can hear it, feel it inside you that he was being honest.

But was that enough to make you feel reassured? Was that all enough for everything to go back to the way it used to be?

No, it wasn't. It wasn't enough to let your heart win over your brain.

"I just need space to think, I'm sorry," you muttered softly as you pulled your face away from his grasp, letting out a small sniffle before crossing your arms over your chest in a defensive stance, to hold yourself in a way. Tom felt his whole chest ache, but he didn't protest. He lets you go despite not wanting to.

"No, it's okay love and I completely understand. I wasn't expecting you to just jump back in my arms when I came here. I just really needed to say all of these to you." Tom shot you a small, broken smile before he lowered his head, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

Silence hung in the air for a few hellish seconds, turning awkward, deafening with each tick. And when you didn't say another word, Tom took that as a sign, took it upon himself to draw a conclusion.

"Uhm—yeah, I-I think this is my cue to leave," he muttered under his breath and stood up from his place, giving you one last glance to see you only spare him a nod, eyes looking anywhere but at him. With a defeated sigh, he started to walk away, but before he could reach the door, your voice stopped him.

"Tom wait—"

He immediately spun around with hopeful eyes to see you on your feet, already facing him with a small frown. Tom was ready, eager to run to you, to hear the words he so desperately need, to kiss you with all that he has as you take him back. But just as how quick he built that hope up, it was slapped away in an instant when you spoke again.

"Can you pack my stuff up for me please? I-I can't—I don't think I can go back at the house," you breathed out, eyes meeting his as you shifted from one foot to the other. "Just my clothes and toiletries, you can throw the other stuff away."

Tom's heart sunk into the pit of his stomach. The thought of you unable to go back to the house, your home, it was heartrending but there was no other person to blame for that. He searched your eyes, tried to read any hesitation on your face, because he can't accept it. He can't bear to fathom the thought of getting rid of each trace of you in the house. Tom won't be able to handle it because it feels like the final nail on the coffin, after it's done then there's nothing more to go back to.

But when he saw nothing, when he saw that you do in fact mean it, that it is what you want, he forced a tight-lipped smile. "Anything you need love."

You nodded somberly, "Just leave it in the front porch and I'll get it once you're done."

No more words were said after that, Tom unable to slip in a response as you turned your back on him. And with a gloomy sigh, he pulled the door open and went back inside the house.

The moment he reached the living room, the twins both stood up from their places on the couch, both sporting worried looks as they watched their older brother walk with his head hanging low.

"Uhm, thank you for looking after her and I'm really sorry," Tom said as met his brother's eyes. The boys saw a glimpse of what happened outside, and by the look on Tom's face, they knew that their brother deeply regrets what he's done. If anything, he needs them more now, and what harm will it do when they cut him some slack? Tom was already beating himself up black and blue, he doesn't need more of it from everyone else, especially the ones he truly cares about.

Sam was the first to approach him, a sympathetic smile plastered on the lad's lips as he gave him a comforting hug, a loving pat on the back before moving out of the way. Harry came into view next, hand rubbing at the back of his neck guiltily as he said, "I'm sorry for being an asshole earlier." Tom shook his head at him with a faint smile. "It's fine Harry. I deserved it."

His brother tilted his head to the side with a sad smile, moving closer to pull Tom in for a warm embrace. "Take care of yourself," Harry muttered. Tom lets out a shaky breath as he gave his brother a squeeze.

"I'll try."

***

It was so hard packing your stuff up. The fuller your bags got, the heavier Tom's heart grew. And it took him so long to get it done because he just needed to take a breather in between, the ache in his heart overwhelming him to the point that he can't stop his tears from free flowing.

On a slightly brighter note, he does have a sweet girl to comfort him, a precious staffy who'd lay her head on his lap whenever she hears him stifle out a few tears.

Tessa was supposed to stay with his parents for a couple more days, but Tom couldn't endure being alone in the house. So, he cut her little vacation short and stopped by at their house on his way home right after you two had the talk. Tom told them what had happened, disappointed looks unavoidable but they still gave him a much needed comfort and a few heartfelt advice, and for that he was grateful.

He drove home and went straight to bed right after, tried to get some sleep but struggled to say the least. But after a few doses of alcohol and a couple more tears, exhaustion took over him eventually.

Now it was midday, the rays of the sun shining through the bedroom windows, wrapping the space with warmth but Tom wasn't mirroring the mood, the clear blue sky unable to lift his spirits up.

He was sat on the floor of your shared closet, eyes trained on the already empty shelves. He stared at it for a couple seconds before his gaze fell right beside him where your suitcase was situated, now filled and entirely full.

Tom blew out his cheeks as he reached over to zip it up, the sound unpleasant to his ears, unbearable that his eyes screwed shut to keep the tears in. His head was already pounding; he figured crying some more wasn't going to help.

After a few calming breaths, he felt something nudge at his arm, lids shooting open to see Tessa with a stuffed animal in her mouth. "What have you got there?" Tom asked sweetly as he took the toy from her grasp, heart aching once he saw what it was.

He looked back at Tessa with a small smile. She's a clever girl but Tom just knows the dog was properly confused as to why he was packing her mummy's stuff up.

It pained him to think about it, that he would have to try and explain to her why you'd be no longer around. Tessa loves you quite a lot, absolutely attached that the pup tends to look for you first each time she's back in the house, a jab at Tom's ego but he adores it nonetheless. Hell, she explored each room when they got back last night, a soft whine coming out her once she didn't find you. And now to come and reflect that you two were going to be separated all because of him, it's just an addition to the guilt that was already filling him up to the brim.

Tom pulled her close to his side lovingly, placing a soft kiss on her forehead as he whispered on her skin with every ounce of remorse,

"I'm so sorry princess."

***

As he sat on the steps of the front porch, Tom's heart and mind were running a hundred miles per second. Your packed up things were sat on his left while Tessa laid flat by his right. The sweet girl still had no clue why they were outside, just sitting and doing absolutely nothing. But Tom was in much need of some company, and she's always happy to give him that.

He'd sent you the text few minutes ago, saying that it was all done and ready to be picked up. It did cross his mind that he wasn't going to do it, that he'll just keep your stuff here so you won't be able to leave, but that's just downright cruel, selfish and disgusting, so he quickly shut the thought down. Now he was left to wait anxiously, fingers picking at the fabric of the stuffed animal that Tessa lent him earlier.

It wasn't long after when a familiar car pulled up into the driveway, his heart hammering even more at the sight of the vehicle. Tom stood from his place with a shaky breath, dread slowly seeping through his skin at the mere thought that it genuinely was happening. That you were really leaving and it wasn't just his mind playing tricks on him.

Tessa perked up when you and Harry came out of the vehicle, the pup not wasting any time as she bolted straight towards your direction. You crouched down to greet her with open arms, a small giggle escaping your lips when Tessa showered you with her kisses.

Tom's heart stuttered at the sight, a feeling of adoration spreading in his chest, but only lasting for a split second as it was quick to be replaced by one with grief. His heart felt like it was getting torn out of his chest at that thought that he might not be able to see this wholesome interaction ever again.

You walked over to the front porch with an unreadable look on your face, Tessa trailing right behind sporting a wide smile as she kept her gaze on you, tail at an all-time wag, still oblivious to what was happening.

"Hey," was all that Tom managed to get out, his heart warming a little at the sight of you, but ached the moment he noticed your puffy face, bloodshot eyes meeting his as you flashed him a faint smile. "I'm taking my car on the way back, so uhm, I think I left the keys inside," you explained, fingers nervously fiddling at the hem of your hoodie.

Tom frowned at that, but he already knew you weren't stepping inside anytime soon. You did ask him to pack your stuff up for that sole reason. To add to that, he also kind of expected that you were going to say that too, so he fished your car key from his pocket and handed it to you.

"I saw it laying on the counter so yeah," Tom trailed off, eyes still set on you as you took the key from him with a slight frown, and when he saw this he panicked. "Fuck, this looks I'm kicking you out or that I'm looking forward to you leaving and came prepared. I'm not. I figured that you would take your car too that's why I have the keys prepared, not because I want you to go, because I really don't want you to go," he rambled before he could even stop himself.

You stared at him for a full second or two, contemplating on what to say — or if you should even say anything at all — but with much thought, not wanting to say the wrong words, you opted on staying silent as you only nodded at him with a hum.

"I think this is everything," Tom cleared his throat to fill up the silence, cheeks all warm and red as he gestured towards your bags. "If I forgot something just let me know," he offered shyly.

You were about to move, to take your things and get this over and done with but before you could even do so, Tom spoke again. "And uhm, I don't know if you wanted to keep him but—" Tom revealed a very familiar stuffed panda from behind him, holding it out for you to take—or not—with a nervous smile.

Your heart skipped a beat at the sight of the toy, frown unconsciously deepening as you took it from his hands.

It was the stuffed panda he won for you during your first date at a carnival. You remember it vividly, his grin wide and proud, eyebrows wriggling as he offered you it with a curtsy. Such a memorable night filled with hearty laughs, screams from terrifying rides, clouds of cotton candy and a handful of friendly competitions. The night then ended with him dropping you back home, and as cliché as it can be, with a sweet goodnight kiss at the front of your door, leaving you both smiling like idiots as he drove away.

After that night you had a feeling that there was something special about this boy. And months down the line, you realised you were right as he was quick to snatch your heart without much effort.

You'll always cherish that day, the simpler times as some would say, and the very panda you held in your hands now was a huge reminder of that. Was there any harm in keeping it? You're not sure. The memory does fill you up with genuine happiness, but then the pain follows soon after as you're reminded that it was once like that. The thought that the memories wouldn't be added with more, it hurts, deeply.

But as you looked at the toy again, you don't have the heart to throw it away. You don't have the strength to give it back either, so you held it closer to your chest as you looked back up to see Tom already staring at you in a certain way, a slight gloss coating his brown orbs.

That's when you knew he thought about the same thing too, remembered that same night, that same exact memory. You both held each other's gaze with such intensity, a slight hint of longing in each other's eyes. There were still so many words left unsaid, you both saw that. But neither of you spoke, neither of you dared to move a muscle.

The tension in the air only grew from there, almost turning awkward. That until Tessa nudged at your leg, making you break eye contact with the man in front of you to look at the pup with a curios yet sad smile. You were unsure if you're going to see her precious face again, and gosh it stings. She's your baby too and in no way do you want to leave her, but sometimes the right decisions requires a bit of sacrifice.

"Spend some time with her. Harry and I will take care of your stuff," Tom spoke as he gave you a reassuring smile, already knowing what's going through your head with just a simple look in your eyes.

You gave him a thankful nod, your own lips curving up and Tom felt his heart melt. It was small, didn't reach your ears by all means, but it's genuine, the warmest smile you've given him since everything that has happened.

With one last look at you, Tom took as much of the bags he can carry and made his way towards Harry, who was leaning on his car with his phone in hand. When the lad heard Tom approach, he smiled, helping him set the bags on the floor before pulling him in for a warm hug.

"You look like shit by the way," Harry joked as pulled away and went to open the boot of the car. Tom scoffed playfully at that. "Thanks bro, feel like it too."

Harry tilted his head at his older brother, hand coming up to give his shoulder a squeeze, making Tom meet his eyes. The brothers shared a smile, Harry not needing to say anything for Tom already knew what he was trying to say, that Harry is there for him, as he always is.

"How is she?" Tom asked softly, continuing the task at hand of loading your things in the car. "Still the same," Harry sighed sadly.

The older brother lowered his head with a deep exhale, just utter guilt filling him up from head to toe. His eyes were now staring at the last bag set on the ground, tears welling up again as reality starts to creep on him.

"Hey, she's a strong girl. She'll be okay. You both will be," Harry reassured and all Tom could do was nod. He wasn't sure if was going to be okay after all of this, his future blurry without you in it. But a brave face he can manage, taking in a deep breath as he placed your last a bag in the boot.

He looked back at the front porch to see you sat on the top step, both hands cupping Tessa's face as your lips moved. Tom could make out the glisten on your cheek, the light of the sun reflecting against it, chest heaving in a way that's had your hands slightly shake. He watched you pull Tessa in for a hug, your eyes screwed shut as you placed a loving kiss on top of her head, the pup giving you one big lick on the cheek once you pulled away, her way of returning the gesture.

Tom's heart took at big swing at the sight, a shaky breath coming out of him as he kept his eyes steady on his two favorite girls, bidding their goodbyes despite not wanting to, but having no choice because of the horrible things that he's done.

He caught his sniffle with a clear of his throat, quickly wiping away the tear that managed to slip with the back of his hand as you stood from your place and made your way towards them. Tessa was following you still, demeanor now different as she looked at your figure with a tilt of her head, almost with a frown.

She was definitely still a bit confused, but Tom has a feeling that she knows what was going to happen, and he will definitely have to hold onto her when you... when you leave.

"Everything ready?" you asked, voice a bit hoarse with the obvious tear lines on your cheek but neither boys said anything about it. "Yeah, good to go," Harry answered when his brother stayed quiet. Tom's eyes elsewhere just so he won't become a balling mess yet again.

"Okay, uhm thanks Tom." His head shot up at the mention of his name, flashing you a forced smile with a curt nod to match.

He tried keep at it his silence as he watched you walk to your car, just knowing his emotions would betray him the moment he opens his mouth. Plus, he genuinely doesn't want to make things harder for you again for putting more things in your head to think about. But the moment you opened the door to your car, he couldn't stop himself, he knew he needed to say something.

"Y/N wait—" Tom called out, walking closer towards you, though when you turned back around to face him, he hesitated. He contemplated if it was worth a shot, if he should at least try and ask. But when he took in your frown up to your glossy eyes, the glow and joy on your skin all faded, he inhaled a sharp breath.

"Take care of yourself," said Tom instead, not the same words that were stuck on the tip of his tongue, not the words that his brain wanted to scream into the open.

"You too," you mumbled, quickly getting inside your car, making Tom miss the expression that crossed your face. The car door slamming shut followed by the silent roar of the engine, drowned out the shaky breath you let out, eyes never meeting his again.

There was a simple question not asked. A question that could make things turn around, make this day have a better outcome, but Tom didn't dare to spit it out. He held himself back thinking that it was for the best.

He crouched down to take a strong hold of Tessa's collar as the two cars backed out of the driveway. The pups heartbreaking whines filled Tom's ears, the sound making his tears run down his cheeks, unable to keep them at bay any longer.

There were still words were left unsaid, but there was nothing more he can do with them now as Tom watched your car disappear down the street, eyes steady on the vehicle until the only thing left to see was the skid marks of the tires of your car on the pavement, a reminder that you were once here but may never return again.

***

A week has passed and Tom wasn't feeling any better. If anything, his life just turned shittier with each day gone without you in it.

The house was a complete mess, more so his bedroom with all the crap that's lying around. Said crap ranging from bottles of alcohol – some empty, some half-full – the broken glasses he has yet to pick up, dirty and clean clothes mixed up on the floor, up to the random food wrappers that decorated the area.

Hell, he hasn't even taken a shower in days, that's the state he was in right now. Tom also had to ask his mum to pick Tessa up a couple days ago, given the fact that he can't even take care of himself. Plus, he didn't want to stress the poor girl with him constantly being down in the dumps and more.

Long story short, he was a broken mess, both physically and emotionally. And the light at the end of the tunnel seems too far away where Tom doesn't even believe if it's there to begin with.

But despite wanting to rot in bed for maybe another week or two, to drown in his self-pity basically, he received a few emails that were too important for him to simply shove aside.

So, an hour-long, hot shower and a fresh set of clothes later — and a few pain relievers to help with his headache — Tom made his way outside his room only to look for his computer. Once he found it just on top of the coffee table, he held it in his hands and went straight back to the bedroom.

He couldn't bear to stay outside with the sun shining all bright, especially with it accompanied with the clear blue sky. The beautiful day just makes him feel bad about everything, makes him feel worse about himself. Tom felt more comfortable staying inside the bedroom where the curtains were all closed, the space dark and gloomy to match his mood.

Plopping back down on the bed with his back resting against the headboard, he placed the computer on his lap, taking in a tired breath before turning it on. Much to his surprise, he stared right at a photo of Tessa and him, confusion filling him up at the sight of the lock screen because that wasn't what he set it as. His lock screen was of you and Tessa, not him.

Sure enough when he tilted the laptop up, there he saw your initials written on the bottom surface. A frown made its way onto his lips as he realised that he might have given you his computer instead.

You two have the same computer and the only way to tell which one was who's without seeing the contents, was by the initials on the bottom. And just as cheesy as it can get, you were the one who wrote his initials while he wrote yours. Kind of like an autograph, hence why Tom was staring right at his handwriting, as if it wasn't obvious enough that this was in fact your computer.

At the time you both thought it was just cute and silly, a simple gesture for couples in love. Never did it cross Tom's mind that day that looking at it would bring hurt. But now it does, the gesture turned into remembrance, a mere memory of what it used to be.

He was a mess when he packed your things up. It wasn't unlikely that he missed to check which computer he gave to you. But what confused him was that a week has passed yet you hadn't contacted him, nor did you ask the twins to fetch it for you if you still can't bear to see him again.

It could've been that you haven't noticed yet or could've been something else. Tom has no way of knowing as he hasn't spoken to you since. He does know you're still staying at the twins' house courtesy to Harry, but that's about it.

He was about to reach for his phone to contact said lad but he accidentally pressed on the keys, screen now showing your desktop. Tom frowned with a shaky breath, a picture of you two on the beach glaring right at him. But what caught Tom's attention more was a certain folder, the name too long that he had to click it to show the rest.

B-ideas (If by any chance you're Tom please do not open this folder you're gonna break my heart if you do bub)

That only perked his curiosity even more. And given that he's already broke your heart due to something far worse, he double-clicked it to open. What more could he lose?

Tom felt a sharp stab at his chest as he scrolled through countless amounts of photos of different kinds of cakes, certain venues, and lovely decorations.

B-ideas... Birthday ideas.

He screwed his eyes shut, hand going up to pinch the bridge in utter frustration. First it was your relationship with Tessa, even his family for that matter, and now his birthday. What else did he ruin? Well, aside from the obvious anyway. How many times will he have to be reminded about all the things that are affected due to his mistake? Not enough apparently.

You always loved to plan his birthdays for him. He adored how you always get so excited to ask him a few things or when you keep it a secret as much as possible for it to be a surprise. You've made him the happiest boy every birthday. You make him feel even more special and he was glad to have you by his side each time. But now, he's ruined it by a long shot and his birthdays will never be the same.

As he reached the bottom, Tom found another folder within the folder named: For Slideshow (Gift)

Tom dared to open it as well, the pain in his heart only magnifying at the sight of old photos and videos of you and him. There were a few from all around the world — during the whole press tour to be specific — but most of it was just here in London or right at this very home.

You always went the sentimental route when it comes to his gifts. 'You can buy anything you want now,' as you've said. And despite him telling you that he won't care where you got it from – whether it from Tesco's or whatever – as long as you're the one giving it, then he will cherish that gift with all his heart. But of course, you just had to go the extra mile by making sure it was handmade by you. Whether it's a handwritten letter, a collage, or whatever cute thing it may be, you have never failed to make him emotional with each one, a tear or two shed every birthday.

It looked like you were going for a video compilation this year judging by the name of the folder and the contents of said folder—well, what you were supposed to do but it's not happening now, is it?

It was such a trip down memory lane, just photos upon videos, mostly candid, some intentional jump-scares and a few cheesy yet funny ones sprinkled here and there. The one video that caught his eye first though was the one where it had you and him kissing on the thumbnail.

Tom recognized it right off the bat. He remembers that day clearly to this moment. It was from the set where Harry filmed Roses for Lily, where you and Tom helped with all the little things. And his assumption was proven right when he pressed play...

"And that's a wrap everyone!" Cheers erupted around the field followed by applause as Sam and Sophie took a playful bow.

"Connect it to the speaker and play it on my cue," Tom whispered against Harry's ear, confusion crossing the younger lad's face before Tom jerked his head towards you. Harry shook his head at his brother but took his phone anyway, getting so used to his cheesy ass antics.

This wasn't your greatest week regarding work and school, even more so today. So, Tom thought head lift your spirits up in the cheesiest yet sweet way he can managed.

You were talking with Nikki when Tom suddenly came up to the both of you with an expression that you didn't quite read, hands behind his back as he stood with immense posture.

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Oh no, what are you up to?" you asked suspiciously.

"Will you do me the honour of granting me this dance mi lady?" Tom offered his hand with a curtsy, voice sporting the most posh accent he can muster with a cheeky smile plastered on those pink lips.

You shook your head with laughter at your boy. You turned to look at the woman who you were having a conversation with, only to see her give you two thumbs up with a wide smile, and with that, your gaze landed back on Tom sporting a smile of your own.

"Pleasure is all mine kind sir." You mimicked his accent and took his hand, fits of giggles coming out of you as Tom dragged you towards the front of the bench, the view of the field endless behind you.

He interlaced his fingers with yours as his other hand took home on your waist while yours rested on his shoulder, just like a proper ballroom dance. "We don't even have music you dork," you pointed out the obvious, to which Tom only grinned all proud.

"Says who?" He shot Harry a nod and not long after the soft tune of 'The Way You Look Tonight' by Frank Sinatra filled your ears.

You threw your head back as you let out a loud yet hearty laugh. "You're a huge cheese ball aren't you?" you teased.

"Oh please, you love it," Tom flashed you a knowing smirk as he then starts to swing to the tempo of the music. He guided you with gently care as he spins you out and then pulls you back in again, his background in dancing making it easy for him to lead the dance.

And you always admire this talent of his, adored it with all your heart as you break out to random dances – may it be silly or slow – around the house whenever to whatever music. It was not new to you so you can easily follow his rhythm having dance with him before. Plus, the steps were simple enough for you to catch. And having known each other for a long while, it was easy for the two of you to move in sync.

But then he started to sing, and that caught you off guard.

"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm; and your cheeks so soft; there is nothing for me but to love you; and the way you look tonight."

You can't stop your grin from growing at his sweet voice, heart warm as you stared right into those beautiful brown orbs. Tom doesn't sing much often, not seriously anyway. But when he does, it makes your heart melt ten times over and then some, because the boy can definitely sing.

"Am I wooing you darling?" Tom cooed with a wriggle of his eyebrows, earning yet another laugh from you. And with him being all cheeky with his timing, you didn't get to respond as he continued to sing,

"And that laugh that wrinkles your nose; Touches my foolish heart," Tom sang with a cheeky wink, the smile on your lips ever growing that your cheeks we're starting to hurt, but you could care less.

"Lovely, never, never change; keep that breathless charm; won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you; just the way you look tonight,"

He kept singing, not for but to you, dedicating each word, meaning each note that the smile on your lips was impossible to wipe off. Not to mention the simple yet lovely dance, bodies swaying sweetly to the music, it was just like a scene from a movie.

Tom twirled you around courteously, pulling you back closer to him that had both your arms resting over his shoulders. He wrapped his own arms around your form, noses delicately touching as you two mirrored each other's eyes, nothing but the look of love coating them.

And when you nudged his nose adorably, Tom chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling, leaning closer until his lips captured yours in a charming kiss. A kiss so blissful that your hearts were filled with nothing but warmth, spreading from head to toe as you kept dancing to the slowly fading music.

Both of you were unaware that Harry recorded the whole thing, making the little dance, the sweet gesture as pure and raw as it can be. Just two couples in love, cherishing each other's company, adoring one another with everything that they have...

Tom lets out a strangled breath as the video stops, trembling fingers hovering over the space bar as he stared at the still of you, warmly wrapped in his arms, absolutely content, delighted and purely in love.

Next thing he knew, Tom found himself watching videos upon videos of you and him, endless clips that showed just how happy you two were, how happy you made him. Each video showed him the way you use to glow, smile bright as day while your eyes were filled with nothing but pure adoration, a blissful expression on your face and oh how stunning it looks on you. Pure happiness suited you so much and Tom took that away. He took away your shine; he snuffed out that radiance you always bring whenever you're in the room.

He only decided to stop when Tom felt his chest tighten harshly, breath turning uneven as his eyes started to burn. He was about to close the laptop, to set it aside and give himself a breather, but then he saw another one with a thumbnail that has only you in it. Despite being too emotional, despite deciding that the torture was enough, his curiosity was stronger. So, he played it...

"...right, is this recording? Yup, it is, okay."

You sat back on the chair after you adjusted the camera – which Harry kindly let you borrow – on the little desk you had in yours and Tom's shared bedroom. "It's a little too early to make a video message since your birthday is months away but I've got nothing better to do so," you trailed off, adjusting your hair before sitting up and smiling at the lens.

"To the man of my dreams, my knight in shining armour, to my handsome prince," you paused with a scrunched of your nose. "Oh gosh too cheesy. Okay, reel it back, whew, okay, Thomas, spider-boy—well, more like spider-baby..." You let out a laugh at that, shaking your head at yourself before taking in a deep breath and looking back straight at the camera.

"To the absolute love of my life, Tom, happy birthday. Oh now, where do I start? Well, I can start with how proud I am of you. The fact that you've achieved so much in so little time? I couldn't be any prouder. You're the most hardworking man I know, it's not really a surprise how you got to where you are today. But despite all the accolades, the awards you've won — and soon to win — there's always one award, well two actually that's far more important than the rest. First one is you-being-such-an-incredible-human award. You, Tom have the kindest most compassionate heart I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. I could list so many great things but then we'd be here all day, just ask me it later and I'll send it to you in post," you giggled. "But trust when I say that you are a true hero, even without the mask."

"And well, the second award, oh gosh, it's the best-boyfriend award. Forgive my cheesiness — although you do like it — but it is in fact true. You, Thomas, you make me the happiest girl ever. I—oh no here comes the water works," you joked, fanning your eyes in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. And when you felt like you can hold it together, you continued,

"I feel so lucky to have you in my life. You've always been there for me through the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't think I could've made it pass things without you Tom and for that thank you. Thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin. For being my shoulder to cry on when I really need one, for being such a great listener and for being my rock. Thank you for helping me through the hardest times bub," you paused to take a deep breath, eyes glossy but with a proud smile on your lips nonetheless.

"...granted our relationship isn't perfect, we've had our disagreements and petty fights but I wouldn't trade it for anything else. I wouldn't trade you for the world, Tom. I am happy to be with you, so content with what we have. We've laughed together, cried together, we've grown together, and as promised, we're going to be there for each other, always." you let out a soft giggle to try and clear the lump in your throat, blinking rapidly to keep it in, though it already obvious in your eyes that you weren't going to be successful.

"And lastly... I love you so much Tom. My heart could literally exploded with just how much, and I just want you to know that whatever it takes, whatever challenge life will hurl at us, whatever happens in the future, I will always, truly, with all that I am, lov—"

"Darling? Where are you?" Tom's voiced echoed down the hallway, halting your words as you turned your head towards the door. With a sweet laugh, you look back to the camera. "You and your impeccable timing Thomas."

You quickly wiped the tears that managed to escape your eyes, making sure you don't look suspicious to not ruin the plans of surprise.

"Sweetheart?" Tom called out again.

"Bedroom babe!" you answered, taking in deep breaths before reaching for the camera. "I'll finish this later I guess. I'll see you—well in a couple seconds but future you sometime soon, love you!"

And with a blow of a kiss, you turned the camera off...

The whole bedroom turned eerily quiet as the screen turned pitch black. Almost quiet aside from the soft tap, tap, tap – the sound of Tom's tears hitting the computer keys, one after the other.

Tom stifled out a whimper as he screwed his eyes shut, hand coming up to tug at his hair in anger, sorrow, regret, hurt. You were good to him, you were everything to him and more. How could he waste that? He lost someone so rare, someone who's out of this world from beauty to heart. No one could ever replace you, nobody will ever come close to how much of an amazing person you are, how special and lucky you made him feel.

He had everything, and he threw that away.

As he tried to catch his breath, he reached for his phone, dialing the number of the only person who'd give him comfort but without all the bullshit.

"Hey Harrison, I know you’re probably still disappointed with me right now too but I just really need someone to talk to..."

***

"...and then I found this folder of hers that has all these ideas for my birthday. It even had old photos and videos of us but what struck me the most was her video message and I just—" Tom stopped to catch his breath, wiping away the tears on his face before he looked up a Harrison with a soft sob, "I ruined so much."

"You did," the lad answered bluntly, no sugar coating, no bullshitting. He wasn't going to say the words that his friend wanted to hear, if he kept doing that then how will he learn?

Tom buried his face in his hand in shame, sniffing loudly before lifting his head up again, face all puffy as he met his best friend's eyes with his bloodshot ones. "I miss her so much Haz, and I really want to fix things between us, to have her back. But I don't have a chance anymore."

Harrison frowned at that. He knows the full scope of the situation, but he doesn't recall you saying those exact words, well, as what Tom has explained to him anyway. "Did she say you don't have a chance anymore or did you just put words into her mouth?"

You didn't. You haven't told him those exact words, but your actions were an enough sign right? Tom leaned back on the couch, hand running through his hair with an exasperated sigh. "She told me to pack up her things, I think that's a clear message that it's over," he grumbled.

Harrison shook his head at his friend disapprovingly, "Tom, she has been fighting for your relationship for more than a month and you're already giving up in a week? After what you've done, I think you need to fight harder than that mate. Put more effort in, you owe at least that to her."

Tom frowned at his words, guilt growing more intense as the gears started to turn in his head. Did he really give up that easily? Could he have done so much better? If he asked you to sta—

But then the nagging voice was quick to shut down his questions. A certain reason why he feels like he can do nothing about it grew louder in his mind, said reason he felt the need to speak out loud.

"She deserves someone better than me Haz. I broke her heart and I—" Tom rubbed the nape of his neck. "I don't think I deserve another chance," he concluded in defeat.

Harrison sighed, placing a comforting hand on Tom's shoulder before he began. "Okay look, there are only two paths you can choose regarding this. Path one, you can mop around, drown in your pity party and just give up with everything like a fucking wuss. Or path two, you can get off your ass, thrive to be better, right your wrongs and be the man that she deserves. You have to fight for her if you truly want her back Tom. It's just a matter of choice," Harrison finished as he shot him a knowing look.

"I think you've been so busy telling yourself that everything is too late, but what if it's not yet? You think it's too late, but is it actually too late for her? What if she just needs more persuasion? What if she just needs a proper reassurance that you're going to make things right? For you to truly show her that you do in fact still love her? All I'm saying here Tom is that you won't know the answer to these questions unless you ask them, unless you give them a try. We don't get what we want easily, you have to work hard for it." Harrison added.

Tom stared at his best friend in pure shock and amusement given that he's never heard him sound so wise with advise before. They usually do stupid shit together, and when it comes to relationships, they both can be as equally as clueless.

But nevertheless, Tom felt like his eyes got opened, a new perspective settling in his mind and he will be forever grateful at Harrison for that.

"Fuck you're right." Tom didn't waste any more time as he got up from his place and went to go get his keys. Harrison sat there bewildered, calling out to Tom again when he saw him go towards the front door, "Where are you going?"

Tom turned to his friend with a small yet hopeful smile, the most he's felt in a while, "I'm getting her back."

***

Sam looked at his brother in complete surprise once he pulled the door open, "Tom what are yo—" the lad cut himself off once he saw Tom's face, clear in his expression who he was looking for.

"She didn't tell you," the twin muttered with a frown, his sudden change in demeanor making Tom worry. "Didn't tell me what Sam?" he asked cautiously. Tom thought he already prepared for the worst, thought that he can handle any sort of rejection, but when his brother spoke again, all the color drained out his whole body.

"Harry drove her to Heathrow thirty minutes ago."

It took a few seconds for Sam's statement to finally sink in. And when it did, Tom cursed as he quickly turned on his heel and ran, heart pounding, head spinning.

"Tom, wait!"

Sam didn't get a chance to stop him as he was already back inside his car, engine roaring as he veered into the road at top speed. He was driving dangerously, Tom was aware of that, but he can't let you step even a toe in that plane. If he does, then it will really be too late.

***

"Come on Harry, pick up, pick up, come on lad pick u—Harry! Which terminal?" Tom asked in haste, fingers drumming against the wheel impatiently.

"Huh? Terminal?"

"Bro, I beg, just tell me which terminal you dropped her off, please." Tom heard Harry sigh on the other line, his anxiousness growing with each silent second, and when his brother gave him the information, he felt the tears prick at the back of his eyes.

"Terminal 2... She's off to Abu Dhabi."

***

Tom's lungs were gasping for air, both from him running as fast as he can, and from the fear that was overwhelming him to every bone. Fear that he might not catch you on time.

The crowded airport wasn't helping his anxious state at all, his eyes quick to dart around as he tries his best to look for you. He asked around, looking like a lunatic as he shows your picture to random strangers. He even asked at the desk just to narrow where you could've gone, to make it easier to find you in this huge haystack. And when he hadn't had much luck, Tom was quick to assume that you already got pass security.

It may had been dumb, but everything he's done at this point has been dumb, what's the worst thing that could happen if he tried to get pass the guards?

But before he could even attempt and sneak his way in, a large, tall man blocked his way. "Boarding pass?"

Tom shook his head, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, mind an utter mess that it was hard for him to think straight, "I-I don't have... it's an emergency please I–"

"Sir, you're not allowed inside if you don't have a ticket," the security reprimanded, hand held up as he stops Tom's chances of slipping by. He's an idiot really, thinking that he can talk his way through, but he tried it anyway, begged in desperation just so he can find you before you get on that plane. "Please just let me through, it will be quick, I just need to—"

"Tom?"

Never had he ever turned around so quick in his life, relief washing over him once he saw you standing there, bottle of water with a receipt in hand, confusion written all over your face at the sight of him.

Tom just ran straight towards you, his burly body almost knocking you out of balance as he buried his face on the crook of your neck, arms engulfing you tightly, like he's holding onto you for dear life. Tom's whole body shaking as he balled his eyes out, a stuttering mess when he tried to speak to say the least.

"N-no, p-please don't leave me, I-I can't—I can't do this without you, p-please don't leave," Tom sobbed against your skin, his hold around you vise-like but just enough for it not to hurt. He's just downright scared to loosen his grip for you might vanish into thin air if he does.

You tried to pull him off of you but a useless effort as he is much stronger than you. And the harder you try, the firmer his grip on you becomes, muttering his protest over and over of him not wanting to let go. You sighed, "Tom, look at me, bub..."

Tom lets out a whimper at the nickname, pulling away just slightly until he was able to rest his forehead against yours, his warm tears dropping on your cheek and your heart stung at the feeling.

"Breathe for me," you whispered, cupping his face with both hands. Your thumb caressed his cheek tenderly, wiping away the tears that ran down them as much as you could. Tom did as told, attempting to steady his breathing, the warmth in your eyes helping him by a mile.

When he finally got a hold of himself, he took one deep breath before speaking. "I should've asked you before you could even leave the house, should've chased after you. I should've fought harder for you. I wanted to ask you this before you got into your car and I didn't, which was a mistake," he trailed off, clearing out his throat as he gave you a gentle squeeze.

"I should've at least tried and asked you stay. I hope it's not too late but now I'm asking, begging you to stay. I want you to stay with me, please?" Tom pleaded, ready to be on his knees but you stopped him, he didn't need to be. Your fingers traced his jaw delicately, heart aching at the sight of broken man in front of you, but you've already made a decision. It was hard sticking to it now with him here, but you just had to remind yourself that this was for your own sake. You've already thought this through and it was final.

"I—I can't," you paused as the number of your flight echoed through the speakers. You turned back to Tom with a soft whisper, "You know I can't."

"At least you could've said goodbye?" he squeaked, voice breaking at the fact that your mind was already set, and when that happens, even before your worlds got flipped upside-down, it takes so much to change it.

"I couldn't, because I know for a fact if given the time, you might actually change my mind. Hell, just seeing you right now, it's already making me doubt my decision. But I need this Tom, I need to do this for myself. I've realized that my world revolved too much around you, and I don't regret it at all but I need to find my own path, grow as my own person."

Tom nodded dejectedly, eyes shut tightly because he knows he would have to let you go in a couple minutes. He needs more time, he wants more time with you. But when he heard your flight getting called again, Tom knew there was not much he can do about it.

"But when are you coming back?" he asked, voice frail but full of dread. And Tom felt his heart shatter some more when you looked away, his frown deep and sorrowful as he muttered, "You're not planning to."

You shook your head with a close of your eyes. "No. I am... I just don't know when," and it was true. You were going away for quite some time but you have a life here in London as well. It would be too hard to stay away. But as of now, you don't think you'll be back anytime soon.

As you open your eyes to look at those brown orbs again, you knew he understood.

He always does. Tom is quick at that when it comes to you. Not needing a whole lot of words to know what you mean, one look in the eyes will suffice. Tom couldn't say much more either, so he lets his action speak for itself instead.

He pressed his lips against yours, the gesture catching you off-guard but only for a split second as you melted in his arms not long after. Tears slipped pass your eyes at the feeling, the feeling of his lips you've missed dearly, and Tom was the same. He missed how your lips fit perfectly with his, he missed how warm it feels, tender and soft.

It was a bittersweet kiss with the sense of goodbye laced in it, but it was beautiful nonetheless, special in a way as two hearts melt into one once more. Neither of you wanted to pull away. You just wanted to be stuck in the moment on repeat, destroy the buttons so that it plays on a never-ending loop. But when you heard your name through the speakers, you had no choice but to pull away.

As you stared into each other's eyes, both of you knew there was one more thing left to say, and as you did, as you spoke with nothing but sincerity, your hearts were filled with nothing but pure—

"I love you Y/N."

"And I love you Tom."

And with that he lets you go, hands going limp at his sides as he watches you gather your things and walk towards security. Before you could disappear out of sight, you spared him one last look over your shoulder, a smile written on your lips, one that was genuine, filled with adoration and... love.

It was a look that would always be burned in Tom's memory, but hopefully it won't be the last. Hopefully, with every choice made from here on out, if it's destined, then you'll find your way back to each other.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Tell me your thoughts! <3

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cinnamon-roll-seth · 4 years ago

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Happy Medium || Rafe Cameron x Maybank!Reader

Request: hi! um this is oddly specific but i had this idea so... can you possibly do an imagine where rafe and the reader are dating and rafe is like super super sweet (and she makes him a better person🥺), but the reader is also jjs sister and he gets really mad when he finds out about the relationship bc he is really protective of her, but at a party or something a touron messes with the reader and rafe sticks up for her so jj starts to come around to the idea of their relationship

“Dude I’m never gonna get the hang of this!” You groan, watching as the golf ball you just whacked lands nowhere even near the hole.

Rafe laughs, “You’re not holding it correctly.” He comes up behind you and puts his hands over yours, shifting the golf club in your hold.

You lean into him, “Can we just not golf today? Sorry babe but this is extremely boring.”

He rolls his eyes playfully, “Do you have something else in mind?”

“Maybe,” You smirk back at him.

“Hmm, well in that case,” He mumbles, leaning his head over your shoulder so he can place little kisses on the exposed skin.

“Hey Rafe!” You hear and turn to see Topper and Kelce walking towards the two of you. They obviously weren’t expecting to see you tangled up in the arms of their pogue-hating best friend because both of their faces turn to those of confusion and mild shock.

“Uh, hey Y/N.” Topper greets you as more of a question but you ignore it, sending him a smile while responding with your own greeting.

“Shit man, when you cancelled on our golfing plans we didn’t expect to find you golfing with somebody else,” Kelce jokes sarcastically.

You look up at your boyfriend, “You cancelled plans for me?”

“I can’t help it. I gotta spend as much time with my girl as I can.” He shrugs.

“Your girl? You guys are dating?” Topper asks. Rafe nods as a reply and Kelce laughs out loud.

“Aww man, so that’s why you’ve been so friendly towards the pogues lately! Dude, you’re pussy whipped for Y/N Maybank!”

“Dude shut up,” Rafe rolls his eyes at his friend’s mildly obnoxious reaction.

“Does JJ know?” Topper asks.

“No. We’re going to tell him tonight.”

“Good luck dude. I bet he’ll beat your ass. Everyone knows how protective his is over Y/N and you’re not exactly his favorite person.”

“Are you ready?” You ask, clutching onto Rafe’s hands as the two of you stand at the bottom of the steps into your house.

“Not at all,” He sighs and you give his hand a reassuring squeeze as you gently pull him up the steps and into the porch.

“JJ?” You call, stepping into the silent house. Thank god your dad is gone probably off somewhere doing drugs or drowning himself in alcohol.

“I’m in my room!” You hear your brother call back.

“Can you come out to the living room? I have something I need to tell you.” You hear him mumble something back before appearing in the doorway of the living room. Immediately you watch as his eyes land on Rafe and then flicker down to your hands which are still intertwined.

“What the fuck? What the hell is he doing here?” He asks angrily.

“JJ I don’t want any trouble.” Rafe says calmly.

“Please don’t overreact. Now I know that you aren’t the biggest fan of Rafe but he’s changed in the past few months. Ever since we started dating.”

Your brother laughs bitterly, “No you’re not. Absolutely fucking not.”

“I’m sorry? JJ you can’t tell me who I can and can’t date. I wasn’t asking for permission.”

“God you’re so stupid Y/N! Do you really think that after years of hating pogues that he’s all of a sudden going to fall in love with one and change all of his ways? If you think that’s true then you’re living in a goddamn fairy tale!” He yells angrily.

“Hey don’t talk to her like that man,” Rafe says as JJ gets all up in his face.

“Or what? You gonna beat my ass Rafe? I’d like to see you try.”

“Back the fuck up JJ,” You warn, shoving him backwards. He stumbles back and glares at you.

“You really think he loves you? He’s using you and once he gets what he wants he’ll leave you and you’ll be all sad and heartbroken because you were so naive to actually think that Rafe Cameron would love you, a pogue.”

“You’re fucking delusional, you know that? Just because you think everyone is against you and that every single good thing that happens in your life is too good to be true doesn’t mean that other people can’t have good things happen to them.”

“Don’t turn this around on me Y/N. You’re trying to make me sound like a miserable person to justify being with him. Well that’s fine. You can have your little fairytale love. But just know that when he breaks your heart I won’t be there to pick up the fucking pieces. Its him or me and clearly you already made your choice.” He growls, pushing past you harshly. You watch as he walks out the front door and slams it behind him.

“Well that went well,” You sigh, running a hand through your hair.

Rafe comes and puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Typical JJ and his anger issues. He’s probably just bluffing.”

He was not bluffing. It had been two weeks and your brother still refused to talk to you. Everytime you’d walk into the same room as him he’d glare at you and leave. Not that you really saw him much, he’d been avoiding you like the plague.

He’d told the others about you dating Rafe and they were all disappointed as well. They weren’t necessarily being horribly rude like JJ was but they hadn’t talked to you much and didn’t include you in their hang out sessions anymore.

You felt awful. You also missed your friends like hell. You never expected that being with Rafe would make you their enemy but that’s what it felt like these days. It felt so unfair. You should be happy to be in a loving relationship with someone who treats you like you’re the only woman on earth but you couldn’t help but feel so guilty. You knew that Rafe had done some horrible things in the past but were they really that bad that your friends had to treat you like you were a monster for dating him?

Rafe felt terrible. It was his fault your friends had abandoned you. He wanted to heal your pain, he wanted to get the people you loved to talk to you again. While he knew it was selfish he couldn’t bring himself to let you go, he loved you too much. So instead he decided to he was going to right his wrongs. He was going to prove to them that he’d changed. He didn’t care what he had to do but he was determined to make you happy again.

PART TWO

Okay so I’ve had like zero inspiration to write for the past week but I knew y’all were gonna start getting mad if I didn’t start posting so I’m sorry if this is absolutely rushed and terrible 🥺

#outer banks #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #obx imagine #obx rafe #obx requests #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #requests are closed #multifandom #multifandom imagines

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passionatefanfictionbka · 4 years ago

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Chrianna Short: Selling Dreams

A/N: An old short that was sitting in my drafts. Figured I finish it and post it. Enjoy!

Rihanna looked around her house and huffed before she just started grabbing photos and items that were spread out and mixed in with her decor. She had spent enough time playing this role and she wanted her life back, as much back of it that she could get. She grabbed a huge duffel bag and started throwing things into it. Just as she went to clear off the table behind her couch, she bumped into Melissa.

“Damn Girl, where you rushing off too?” Mel asked as she gingerly rubbed her shoulder.

“Nowhere. I didn’t see you there. When’d you get here?”

“Just a few minutes ago. You obviously didn’t hear me come in either.”

“Yea, I was cleaning up and wasn’t paying attention.”

“Cleaning up what?” Mel looked around the room, “where’s all the pictures? Don’t you think he’s gonna be a little suspicious?”

“I don’t care what he is especially since he’s not my problem.”

“How is your man not your problem?”

“He’s not my man. Never was. Don’t know how many times I have to say that.”

“Well according to media and your PR, he was your man so outside of this house he was your man. What happened?”

“Nothing. I’m finished.”

“Finished what?”

“I’m finished lying. I’m finished pretending. I’m tired, Mel.”

“Does he know that?”

“I don’t give a fuck what he does or doesn’t know.”

“Whoa there, what is going on?”

“I just told you. I’m finished.”

“Robs, that’s not it. Something happened.”

“Nothing happened, honest. I’m really just over all of this. The trips and shit, it gets really boring after a while, especially if it's not with who you want to be with.”

“Chris know you done?”

“This has nothing to do with him either.”

“That’s not what I asked you. Does Chris know you are done?”

“He knows I was thinking about it.”

“Before me?”

“I didn’t want the judgment, Mel.”

“When have I ever judged you?”

“Not out loud but I could feel the way you’ve been looking at me since this started.”

“That wasn’t judgment, that was disappointment. I told you from the beginning that this wasn’t a good idea. You’ve been letting PR run your life for the last few years and just when I thought you were settled into your own, you let them pull you right back in.”

“Mel, I made the decision to go along with it.”

“For what purpose other than media bullshit?”

“It wasn’t media bullshit to me.”

“And what was it to Chris then?”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“You might want to.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m right behind you.”

Rihanna jerked around at the sound of Chris’s voice. She smiled before she could catch herself and Chris chuckled, “you look more shocked than I thought you would be. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Why? How are you here?”

“I drove here, what do you mean?”

“How’d you even know I was in town? I didn’t call you.”

“You normally don't and somehow I still have perfect timing,” Chris walked towards her and plopped down in an armchair, “besides I could always sense when something was wrong and considering this room, I was right.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“You don’t pull a Bernadine in Waiting to Exhale for nothing. What’s going on?”

“I really don’t have to answer you.”

“You don't but you will. Eventually.”

Melissa laughed causing Rihanna to remember she was in the room, “there is nothing funny about this.”

“Oh there’s a lot funny but I’m gonna go to my room and laugh. It’s tense in here.”

Melissa patted Chris’s shoulder as she walked past him to leave the living room. Rihanna turned her attention back to him, “why are you here, Chris?’

“I told you that I sensed something was wrong and...I miss you.”

“I just saw you in New York.”

“That was well over two months ago. Still not used to these long gaps.”

“We’ve dealt with longer.”

“That’s when we really didn’t have any options.”

“Who says now that we do have options?”

“We did especially once we started this up again.”

“This what?”

“What? Does your nigga have the room wired for sound or you just acting dense on purpose?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.”

“You don’t get to barge in my house in the middle of my recharging session, demanding answers to shit that isn’t your business.”

“All of this is my business.”

“Really? How?”

“Because you’re my business and have been over the last decade. I told you this from Matt to Drake to this Arab nigga, I don’t give a fuck about no PR stunts and relationships, we’ve been in this from the beginning and it hasn’t changed. When I feel like something is wrong, I’m gonna come whether you ask me to or not, guns blazing if I have to. We’ve been good for this long so clearly something has changed if you giving me attitude like this and I haven’t seen you in so long.”

Rihanna sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before settling her hands on her waist. Chris was right; he didn’t do anything he wouldn’t normally do when she came in town and she was overreacting.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just- I don’t know.”

“What is it? Is the pressure getting to you? Are you changing your mind? We’ve been communicating so well up until now, just let me know what’s up.”

“It's not you. I just don’t have my head on too straight.”

“Then let me help you, all you gotta do is talk to me, you know that.”

“I know Babe, it’s just- I’m still trying to figure it out. I feel out of control.”

“So stop trying to figure it out and just relax. You’re not gonna gain more control by acting out of control. Forcing things has never been helpful for you.”

“You’re right.”

“So sit down. Stop trying so hard to make things happen and just let them happen.”

Rihanna frowned and Chris chuckled, “what’s the matter, Baby Girl?”

“When the hell you’d get so wise?”

“I’ve had a lot of practice. Now can I get a proper greeting or you still taking your anger out on me?”

Rihanna rolled her eyes and she moved to sit on Chris’s lap. He kissed her and she laid her head on his shoulder, “I wasn’t taking my anger out on you. I was just frustrated.”

“Same difference.”

Chris made circles on her exposed thigh with his fingertip, “I missed you. Why didn’t you call me when you got in town?”

“Because I’m not staying long. I’m actually out of here tomorrow.”

“Even more reason why you should’ve called me.”

“I also didn’t come here by myself.”

“Ah, now that makes sense. Where’s your Arab money?”

“Fuck you.”

Chris laughed, “I’m serious. Where he at?”

“He left already.”

“Argument?”

“Gotta actually talk to have an argument. I’m just over everything and told him to go. Services no longer needed.”

“Should’ve never enlisted them in the first place.”

“I am not having this discussion with you again, Chris.”

“We’re not, I’m just saying.”

“No more saying. You’ve expressed your dislike with the arrangement enough over the last year or so. You didn’t like him, I get it.”

“So you my girl again or nah?”

“Always been yours.”

“But am I still sharing you or no?”

“No.”

“That’s all I need to hear.”

“But we’re not together, Chris.”

“By whose definition?”

“Anybody’s definition. I need time, Chris.”

“I can give you time. I’ve always given you that.”

“I mean real time. Not you sitting in the corner, staring at your watch and willing me to hurry up time.”

“I do not- nevermind.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Well what do you expect? We were on a good path, babies, marriage, rings and then you spring him on me. Everytime I agree to give you time, you end up giving your time to somebody else. Regardless if it’s a real relationship or not, you’re giving time you promised to me, to somebody not me so yea, it makes me hesitate with this time shit.”

“It’s not like you’ve been waiting all alone.”

“Actually I have. Commenting on IG and shit doesn’t mean nothing when it doesn't translate to real life. ��I’ve been chilling, minding my business, and taking care of myself. I’ve done nothing but wait by myself.”

“I never asked you to do that.”

“You’ve never asked me to do a lot of things but you knew I would, did you not?”

“I did.”

“So I rest my case.”

“This isn’t easy, Chris.”

“I never said it was but you aren’t making it any easier either.”

“Clearly.”

“So what exactly is your next step?”

“Haven’t figured it out yet. I really don’t know what I want or what I want to do.”

“Just chill for a minute. Give yourself time to relax and actually sleep for a while, it’ll come to you.”

“You’re always good for a positive thought.”

“I don’t like seeing you stressed out, Baby Girl. Makes me anxious and puts me on offense.”

“Chris, you can't protect me from myself.”

“I can try.”

Rihanna laughed as she leaned up to kiss his lips, “what’s your plans?”

“I came here for you. It’s up to you.”

“I just needed to clear my head, probably should’ve come here alone in that case.”

“That’s very true but you also had an image to upkeep so a certain presence makes sense.”

Rihanna sighed, “can I quit?”

“You can do whatever you want to do. Why are you asking me?”

“Because you’re my conscience right now. Can I quit?”

“Depends on why you want to quit.”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you quitting because you’re done or because you’re running?”

Rihanna went to say something then closed her mouth. Chris gently rubbed her thigh, “I am the last person to be giving advice on anything because I still don’t completely have my shit together but I do know what happens when you make decisions based on fear and not fact. I’ve wasted great opportunities doing it.”

“Like?”

“Our entire relationship. Past and present.”

“We’ve both done it if that’s the case.”

“We have, I just actually acknowledge it.”

“I really have no idea what to do.”

“You could start by stopping selling the public dreams.”

“What?”

“You keep pulling people into your PR antics, and that’s what they are no matter how you try to justify it, for the sake of keeping up an image that the public is comfortable with instead of actually being yourself. You being a savage is a cover. You being this pick ‘em and dump ‘em person is a cover. All a mask. You are selling them a version of you that is not real.”

“How would you know that it’s not real?”

“Because I know you. I know you in ways that the public would never get to know you. That’s why you burn out so quickly. That’s why you can’t commit to whatever you’re doing for so long because you’re not being true to you.”

“You’re only saying that because you’re included in what I want to do.”

“I’m saying it because it’s true. Listen, I’ve been out of the picture for extended periods of time and you still stick to the script. You pick people who you don’t really like because you know that they can’t hurt you. I pick people because they’re easy to get and easy to dismiss. I go for ease. You go for comfort.”

Rihanna sucked her teeth as she folded her arms across her chest, “I don’t agree with that.”

“I can accept that, don't make what I said wrong though.”

“So what about you?”

“What about me? I am a complete and utter fuck up at times, I’m transparent about that. I play games to distract myself and others from reality. I bullshit myself a lot but I know it. I accept it therefore I accept the consequences that come from it. You, on the other hand, not so much.”

“Are you saying that I don’t accept accountability?”

“Yea, pretty much.”

Rihanna pushed off his lap and moved to grab the duffel bag she was holding earlier, “Wow, tell me how you really feel.”

“Baby Girl, if you accept accountability, you wouldn’t be lying and justifying things to anyone, especially not to yourself. You wouldn’t be cleaning out the pictures of a man that you publicly entertained for a year even though you didn’t like him. You wouldn’t be hiding and letting the world turn you into a recluse, just to do what you want to do. You wouldn’t be teasing albums when all you really want to do is make clothes and make up. You’d be upfront and honest regardless of others’ reactions. The fact you haven’t and you can’t even verbally express why without providing justifications for it is exactly why we’re having this conversation. None of this can happen without your participation. You have to be accountable for that.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“That’s fine.”

“And I’d like you to leave.”

“That’s fine too.”

“Are you serious?”

“I didn’t come here to argue with you or make you feel worse but we’ve prided ourselves on being honest with each other thus far so I don’t regret what I’ve said. I’m not judging you because we do what we have to do to survive,” Chris stood up and straightened his pants, “I’ve done worse. I’ve fucked up my life worse so I’m telling you from experience. IF you want to quit, you need to be honest with yourself about why and once you do that, you need to be honest about how you got to this point in the first place. That’s the only way for you to quit in peace because the change of outside circumstances doesn’t get rid of the issues inside you. That much I know for sure even though I’m still figuring out what comes next.”

“And this makes you so much better than me, huh?”

“Absolutely not. I’m still fucking up but I’m honest with myself about why and work on how to not do it again. I backslide every once in a while but I’m human. Maybe if you accepted that part about you, you wouldn’t be working so hard to keep up this image for the world.”

“I went back to you after everything we’ve been through, that wasn’t enough?”

“Wow. I hoped you came back to me because you wanted to, not to make me your redemption story. If loving me was the worst thing you think you’ve done as a human, that’s on you. I think. I’m just your most public mistake. Don’t confuse the two.”

“I never said you were a mistake.”

“Nope but you’re saying it as if our second chance was the only thing you’ve done that others’ didn’t accept. You’re protected but you’re not invincible.”

“Sounds like you want me to fail.”

“I want you to be honest with yourself about who you are so you can stop acting like what you’re pretending to be isn’t a bunch of bullshit. I want you to be successful while being you, the real you.”

“Chris.”

“Rih, Baby Girl, there’s really nothing else to say and I think I’ve pissed you off enough for the night.”

Chris walked over and kissed her cheek before he started walking towards the door, “Tell Mel I said bye. Oh, and you missed a couple pictures on the console.”

He left.

“You know he’s actually right, Robs. He might be a fuck up sometimes but he’s an honest one,” Melissa said as she walked into the room.

“I’m guessing you heard,” Rihanna replied.

“I did. I thought y’all were about to start arguing so I was standing in the hallway.”

“No need. He doesn’t really like to argue with me anymore.”

“That bothers you.”

“It does.”

“Why?”

“It’s uncomfor-” Rihanna stopped mid-sentence, “Am I really that bad? Do I really avoid accountability like that?”

“Nobody can answer that but you. Maybe you really do need time. I’m not saying to shut down into complete isolation but you need to really think about your life and how you want to live it moving forward. Nobody is saying that the world needs to know everything but at least let what you do decide to let them in on, be honest and true to you. If you don’t want to do music or if you only want to do it on your own time, be honest about it. If you want to date, do it but be honest about it. You can be private without treating your personal life as a secret. The best savages are the honest ones.”

Chris had just pulled into his driveway when his phone rang with a FaceTime call. He put the car in park then slid over the answer key, “Hey Baby Girl.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“But I do. I overreacted and it wasn't fair especially since you came all that way to see me.”

“And you had all right to tell me to leave if you no longer wanted me there. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

“Are you home yet?”

“I just pulled into the driveway. What’s up?”

“Can I stop by?”

“Sure. I’ll order something for us.”

“OK. I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Cool.”

#chrianna shorts

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rrickgrrimes8 · 4 years ago

Text

Normality is Death

Chapter Four ~ Atlanta and the Vatos

masterlist

It has been a few days since Addie last spoke to me but it's for the best really. We're not supposed to be together and it took me a while to figure that out but now I know and I won't ever forget it. I know she's been avoiding me since we almost kissed and I guess I've made my peace with that but today that ends. Today, we have to go into Atlanta for a supply run. It was a normal thing for me and Addie to go on a run together but today I felt different. I don't know whether or not it's because of my nerves or maybe something completely different all I know is that I'm scared more then I would be usually. I guess I could put it down to the reckless asshole that put the biters on high alert. What happened was that Mitchell said he saw some dude enter Atlanta on horseback and be surprised by the biters and got cornered in a tank or something. He's probably dead now though, everyone thinks it as no one makes it out of Atlanta after making that much noise and I'd be very surprised if he was alive.

The supply run should be easy today as we gave it a couple of days before going out and just so they wouldn't be on such high alert. I haven't spoken to Addie about coming with me but she hasn't spoken to me either so I guess she's still planning on joining me.

I stepped out of my shared house, ignoring the blazing Atlanta heat and walked over to Mitchell, "Still going on a run today, right?" I asked him to which he nodded. "Yeah. Addie's waiting for you at the gate." I smiled at him and span around mentally preparing myself to face Addie.

"Oh and Jacey?" Mitchell called after me.

"Yeah."

"Stay safe. I know somethings going on between the two of you I don't want that to cloud your judgement. Be smart about it, alright?" I nodded at his words internally sighing and walked away.

I approached the gates seeing Addie stood there nervously and holding a rifle and my machete and handgun. "You ready?" I asked her snapping her out of her daze she nodded curtly before motioning the people on watch to open the gate.

"Well this is going to be fun," I muttered to myself before taking my weapons and leaving camp.

Upon arriving in Atlanta you could tell that the biters had maybe doubled in numbers since our last run. I sensed Addie's fear to which I just looked at her and smiled, "We'll be okay, we always are." She smiled back and relaxed slightly before taking the lead and heading into the city centre careful not to cross closely to any biters. I pulled my hood up as we passed through the numerous remains of what once were people and kept close to Addie before turning into the first alleyway.

"So what's the plan today?" She asked looking over her shoulder for biters and then back to me.

"Just the usual. Hit the mini markets and then see what we get," I shrugged at her before continuing, "Oh and Mitchell mentioned the other day to get some more clothes if we could." She smiled softly and nodded.

"You ready, Grimes?"

"Always, Smith."

We said to each other before running out of the alley and across the street ignoring the reactions we were getting from the many biters we crossed.

Addie and I got to the other side easily and snuck into the first shop. We shuffled quickly through each shelf grabbing what we needed and leaving everything we didn't. It was all going so well until we heard voices. Neither me nor Addie spoke we just watched through the window closely. The voices couldn't be more then a store away from us and we probably wouldn't have been able to hear them if they weren't being so damn loud.

"You got a lot of balls for a Chinaman." One of the men remarked in a deep southern accent. I rolled my eyes at his words and looked over to Addie, who looked terrified.

"I'm Korean." The other man, who sounded more youthful than the other man, corrected him. I looked back over to Addie and mouthed 'I'll be right back. Don't move.' She attempted to call after me as I left the shop but I ignored her and discreetly followed the voices, finding them in an alley.

Still hidden around the corner I heard one of them say, "Whatever." I walked away from the pair hoping that they hadn't seen me yet.

I was about to leave for good until I heard a small familiar scream pierce the air, "Jacey!" I span around to see a biter almost taking a piece out of her neck. I got my gun out quickly not thinking about the sound it'll draw and shot. It hit the corpse perfectly and Addie ran back over to me.

"Hey! You two!" a hushed voice called to us from the right. I looked over to see one of the men from the alleyway before. He was a younger man wearing a t-shirt and a cap and holding a bag of guns with the bold lettering of 'SHERIFF' on the side.

"What the hell are you thinking, setting that off?" I rolled my eyes at him and got ready to retort but he interrupted, "Forget it you've gotta follow me it's not safe out in the street."

"Yeah well it's probably not safe with you neither," Addie snapped.

"Just follow me, okay? The way you came from is blocked off now this is the only option." I looked behind me and sure as hell, he was telling the truth, about a dozen or so biters clambered across the street towards us. I heard Addie gasp in shock causing me to grab her wrist and pull her in the direction the man told us to.

Once we get into the alley I see the mans friend on the floor being beaten by what looks to be a metal pole. The two men who were beating him pushes me to the ground and one of them hits me across the face. I hear Addie scream and I look up to see those pricks grabbing both her and that guy, attempting to throw them in the back of the truck. I spat out some blood and looked to my side grabbing a crossbow and shooting at the guy, who had Addie, in the ass. I pushed myself up and ran after them but missed them by a mere second as they drove away.

"No Addie!" I shout after the car and got ready to run after them but was pulled back by two arms.

"Stop struggling yer damn bitch," He growls to me before throwing me next to a younger boy.

The redneck picks up his crossbow and aims it at the pair of us, "Tell me where they jus' took ma friend." The boy next to me looks scared but I just roll my eyes and grab my gun aiming it right back at him.

"I don't fucking know," I hear voices call for the man to stop but I ignore them and push him out the way and ran back into the now biter filled street.

"Hey get back here woman!" I hear him shout before one of his friends closes the gate between us.

"No can do asshole. See ya in hell!" I walked away from the group setting myself down in the closest store. I had to fight back the tears thinking about what they could be doing to my girl right now. She could be dead already for all I know and it would be my fault. My thoughts drifted back to the man that was taken with Addie. He was nice - unlike his friend - maybe he's protecting her like he was trying to do before. I bow my head thinking about all the places I know of in Atlanta hoping to have any clue of finding them.

I've got to save them.

Rick paced around the room slowly, looking back and forth between the boy, whose name he learnt to be Miguel, and Daryl. Daryl was angry it had been clear since the start of this endeavour and Rick could almost fear that. He understood that a man could do a lot of damage on anger alone.

"Those men you were with, we need to know where they went," The officer spoke down to the boy.

"I ain't telling you nothing," He spoke sternly and with as much confidence he could muster causing Shane to sigh and sit back on to one of the tables.

T-dog looked over to Daryl and asked, "Jesus, man. What the hell happened back there?"

Daryl looked up at him and sneered, "I told you, this turd and his douchebag friends came out of nowhere and jumped me."

"You're the one who jumped me, puto, screaming about trying to find his brother like it's my damn fault." Miguel sassed rolling his eyes at Daryl's madness.

"They took Glenn n' that other girl too. Coulda took Merle as well," He justified a hint of sadness in his voice once he spoke about his brother.

"Merle? What kind of hick name is that? I wouldn't name my dog Merle," Miguel laughed at him causing Daryl to try and kick him which Rick intervened.

"Damn it, Daryl. Back off." Daryl moves away sitting in the background still giving the boy a dirty look.

The redneck looked over to Miguel once again and moved over to his back, unwrapping his brother's hand, "Want to see what happened to the last guy that pissed me off?" Daryl dropped the cold hand onto the boy's lap making him freak out. Shane picked up the hand and put it back in the bag ignoring the laughs he got from Daryl, "Next imma gonna start with the feet."

After the boy calmed down T-dog looked over to Daryl and inquired, "Hold on you said they took some girl, who was she?"

"Yeah, and who was that girl you were shouting after?" Shane joined and looked at the redneck.

"Don't know who they are. They were just with Glenn," He shrugged.

"Then why the hell did you point your crossbow at her? She could've helped us." Rick scolded him.

"I thought she might've been on their side," Daryl attempted to explain, "She was a bitch anyway, doubt she woulda helped shit."

"She was just a kid, puto, a badass one but still just a kid," Miguel added seemingly almost fully recovered from seeing that hand and the threats Daryl made afterwards.

"How do you know?" The brunette man asked.

"Dunno she just looked it. Couldn't be more than 15." Both Rick and Shane's heart seemed to sink at his reply - she was just a kid. A kid that was the same age as Ricks daughter when she died. Knowingly Shane looked over to his brother, a sigh getting caught in between his lips as he looks at the face of sorrow and grief he had on.

"She was only 15, Daryl!" Rick snapped at Daryl, "And you were prepared to kill her for nothing!" Both Daryl and T-dog looked at the man in shock and if he was honest with himself he was shocked too. Why all of a sudden did he care so much for a girl he had never met. Shane sped over to his partner and pushed him back slightly, "You gotta chill brother." Rick looked at him with a death glare and then back at Daryl.

"Chill man she had her gun on me anyways. Was kinda askin' for it."

Shane rolled his eyes ignoring Ricks anger towards the man and moved back over to Miguel, "The men you were with took our friend. All we want to do is talk to them, see if we can work something out."

Addie faced the wall not daring to make a noise as the man she met from earlier sat closely as if he was ready to protect her. She felt herself begin to cry letting the bad thoughts of what these people could do to them take over. But the worst one she could think about was that she'd never get to see Jacey again.

"Hey, it's okay. Please don't cry," The boy next to her whispered, "My friends will get us out of here. I promise." Although she weakly smiled at him they both knew it was fake - they were both terrified there was no denying it.

"Thanks for what you did back there," He looked over to the girl confused, "For trying to help me and my friend. She'd hate for me to admit this but you really saved our asses even if it brought us to this."

He smiled at her and said, "Its no problem really. I mean I'm guessing you're only young it would've been wrong to leave you with a ton of walkers. My names Glenn by the way."

"Addie. I would shake your hand if I weren't tied up," Glenn laughed, "and yeah I guess were younger I'm 16 and my friend is 14."

"14, Jesus. She's so young and I mean so are you but she's like just started high school," Glenn muttered sadly, this world was too hard for a girl that young.

"If you got to know her you wouldn't expect her to be that young. She's pretty badass."

"I could tell. She shot that Walker and you know didn't miss. Whenever I try it takes me a few times," Addie laughs at his embarrassed face.

"I think she's had practise though. Our leader taught her a lot but her dad was a cop before all of this and he taught her some stuff."

"Another cop, Jesus, do they grow on trees," Glenn whispers inwardly but Addie still hears it.

"What do you mean?" she leans her head back onto the wall, still looking at him.

"Oh we just have two cops in our group and you guys have another one. It's kind of stupid saying out loud I understand lots of people are cops I just... I honestly don't know nevermind," They both laugh, him doing it more out of embarrassment rather than humour.

Addie sighed sadly, "Her dad isn't in our group though. He died before I even met her."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Do you know how?"

"Gunshot." She stated simply remembering back to the conversation they had about him.

"Wait, no way! No was one of the cops in our group! He got left behind or something but reunited with his wife and son. They all thought he was dead," He excitedly yelled, still remembering the tearjerking reunion.

Addie looked shocked at the man's claim and was about to answer with a bombardment of questions but was interrupted when the door slammed open.

The four men enter the hideout guns raised and moving in a way best described to be as a troop of soldiers. Rick took the lead, a shotgun in hand, and a look of pure determination to get his friend back, alive. Miguel shakily walked in front of them, arms tied behind his back.

"You sure your up for this?" Shane looks to the group.

"Yes," T-dog replies as Rick starts to nod.

As if it was on cue, a group of older men, some that Daryl could recognise from earlier, came pouring out of the building. The leader, Guillermo, walked ahead of the group and up to Miguel checking out any bruises he may have, "you okay, little man?"

In response, Miguel shook his head biting his lip softly, "They're gonna cut off my feet, carnal."

"Cops do that?" He asked him looking over at the group, eyeing Rick's sheriff hat and Shane's cap.

"Not them. This redneck puto here. He cut off some dude's hand, man. He showed it to me." Guillermo looked at Daryl his eyes grazing over his crossbow.

"Shut up," He spat roughly.

Out of nowhere, another man came out of the building his gun raised to the group of men, "Hey where's that puto? The one that shot me in the ass with an arrow?" The man looked over the group men still not spotting the girl that did this to him.

"Chill, ese, chill. Chill. This true? They want Miguelito's feet? That's pretty sick, man," Guillermo looked at the group scoffing.

"We were hoping for a calm discussion," Rick clarified.

"That hillbilly jumps Felipe's little cousin, beats on him, threatens to cut off his feet and some girl shoots Felipe with an arrow in the ass and you want a calm discussion? You fascinate me."

"Heat of the moment. Mistakes were made from both sides," He said looking over at the redneck.

"Where is that girl anyway? Hiding in the bushes to ambush us?" Felipe gulped as Guillermo spoke and looked at the nearby bushes.

"No. She's not with us. Was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and so was her friend," Shane spoke up.

Guillermo nodded still unsure and looked over to Daryl as he spoke, "You got my brother in there?"

"Sorry, we're fresh out of white boys. But I've got an Asian and an African American. You interested?"

Rick stepped forward looking at Guillermo intimidatingly, "I have one of yours, you have two of mine. Sounds like a good enough trade."

Guillermo shook his head looking back at Rick just as fiercely, "Don't sound even to me."

"G, come on, man," Miguel begged.

"Not only do my people got attacked but you offer an unfair trade. Where's the compensation for their pain and suffering? More to the point, where's my bag of guns?"

Rick shrugged, "Guns?"

"The bag Miguel saw in the street. The bag Felipe and Jorge were going back to get. That bag of guns."

Shane looked to the man who was still eyeing Rick suspiciously, "You're mistaken."

The man shakes his head saying, "I don't think so."

"About it being yours. It's my bag of guns," Rick shares.

"The bag was in the street. Anybody could come around and say it was theirs. I'm supposed to take your word? What's to stop my people from unloading on you right here and now and I take what's mine?"

"You could do that or not," Rick says pointing back to T-dog, who was hidden behind a wall, a sniper in hand. Guillermo looks to T-dog and back at his group and nodded to them.

Seconds later, two men appear on the roof dragging behind them a girl and a man with bags over there head, "I see two options. You come back with Miguel and my bag of guns, everybody walks. Or you come back locked and loaded, we'll see which side spills more blood." The gang turned around heading back inside the building and leaving Rick, Shane, Miguel, Daryl and T-dog behind.

Rick say down the bag of guns in front of the group and thought silently for a moment. He starts to divide the guns up causing Daryl to scoff, "Them guns are worth more than gold. Gold won't protect your family or put food on the table. You're gonna give that up for them kids?"

T-dog joined in looking at the angry Daryl and conflicted Rick, "If I knew we'd get Glenn and the girl back, I might agree. But you think that Vato across the way is just gonna hand them over?"

"You calling g a liar?" Miguel almost shouted, drawing Daryl over to him.

"Are you apart of this? You want to hold onto your teeth?" Daryl threatened, slapping him sharply.

"Question is do you trust the man's word?" T-dog questioned.

"No, question is what are you willing to bet on it? Could be more than them guns? Could be your life? Glenn and some stranger worth that to you?" Daryl countered looking at Rick.

"What life I have I owe to him. I was nobody to Glenn, just some idiot stuck in a tank. He could have walked away, but he didn't. Neither will I. And let's not forget that stranger is just a kid. If that was your own kid you wouldn't leave her behind, would you?" Shane looked at the man and felt his heartbreaking. Maybe Rick knew she was left behind maybe Lori didn't even tell him. To Shane, it didn't matter he saw that the man was struggling.

Daryl ignored the question and continued, "So you're gonna hand the guns over?"

"I didn't say that. Nothing is keeping you three here. You should get out, head back to camp," Rick directed at them.

To which T-dog shook his head, "And tell your family what?"

"Come on, this is nuts. Just do like g says," Miguel tells them the fear evident in his eyes.

Shane looked to Rick again and whispered, "Brother I think you should go back to camp."

Rick's head snapped to him upon hearing his words, "What?"

"I think you need to leave. All this," He paused looking back at the hideout, "It's getting too personal for you."

Rick sighed, "Glenn saved my life. I'm not leaving him." Rick sat up from sorting the guns and went to the window.

"You know full well this is not about Glenn," He snapped causing him to bow his head, refusing to look at his best friend.

"That girl, whoever she is reminds you of Jacey. I get that, of course, I do b-but it's not her," Shane told him, "Jacey's gone, man, and that fucking sucks but there's nothing we can do about it." The officer shut his eyes fighting off tears.

"I'm sorry Rick. I'm so sorry but you need to leave. You just found out Jacey is dead you can't be here. Hell, you shouldn't have come out, to begin with."

"I'm fine. I can deal with it," He attempted to convince Shane.

"No you can't," He sighed, "You snapped at Daryl earlier for pointing his weapon at some kid just because she was around Jacey's age."

Rick slid down the wall leaning his head against the rough bricks, "When he said that she couldn't be more then 15 I guess uh I thought what if it was her. I thought that I might get my angel back," He confessed breaking the silence between the pair.

"She's gone, Rick," He said causing Rick to cry to himself quietly.

"Head back to camp okay, take T-dog with you. Just be with your family okay? It's what you need right now," He looked at him unsure, "If not for you, do it for Carl. He misses his sister more than anything. And no matter what I tell him he doesn't believe she's dead," Rick nodded sadly, standing up and wiping away any sign of tears.

"T-dog you go back with Rick. Take the spare car," T-dog nodded but looked confused at the teary-eyed male.

"I'll see you back at home, brother," He said to his friend hugging him tightly.

They left soon after leaving Daryl, Shane and Miguel in the room. "What the hell? You just sent away half of the group. How we supposed to protect ourselves?" Daryl snarls.

"We'll be fine." Daryl glared at the man unsatisfied with his answer but remained silent.

"Why'd he leave anyway?" Miguel asked curiously as if he weren't the hostage.

"He lost his kid. I didn't want him to lose it when we're facing them and lose his life too," Daryl nodded to the man almost sympathetically despite the obvious hatred between the two.

"We ready to do this shit then?"

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saltlampsasuke · 5 years ago

Text

Unfortunately, You Are Exhibiting Symptoms of Falling in Love: Part 1

Having your long-term boyfriend cheat on you is pretty bad, but you're lucky enough to have a rich, pro-hero best friend who lets you move in with him until you get a new apartment. Except lockdown happens. And you can't look for a new apartment anymore, and you can't go anywhere anymore, and neither can your best friend, and you think you might be falling a little bit in love with him. Or maybe you've been in love with him all along.

The story of how it takes a nationwide lockdown for you and Bakugou Katsuki to finally get together.

warnings: Coronavirus mention, abusive relationship mention

wordcount: 2,978

I’m so excited to share the first part of my story, and I hope that you enjoy!

It was at times like these you were thankful that Bakugou Katsuki was your best friend. At times like these, he was the only one you could call. No matter what, as long as he was physically able to, he would always pick up the phone. Many people thought of him as brash, overconfident, a bit (or more) rude, and maybe that was a little bit true. Still, he wasn’t half as bad as he had been when you first met him in high school, and you liked to think that the years you’d spent at his side were part of the reason he had softened a bit.

Of course, now that you were both settled into your careers, him as the now number-two pro hero, and you as his loyal support tech, he wasn’t quite so angry all the time. Time had somewhat settled his fiery attitude, though you knew the fire would never burn out completely. Sometimes, you think to yourself that no matter what happens, he’ll always have something to prove. But if he didn’t he wouldn’t be your best friend. And you like him the way that he is: loyal, honest to a fault, firm in his conviction to protect the world, and the only man you would think of calling after you walk in on your boyfriend of two years plowing into a random girl on your shared apartment bed.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You had been working late nights for the past week to fix up a piece of gear for Bakugou. It had been giving you a bit of trouble, but finally you had finished it, early in the afternoon to boot, so you had decided to head home and surprise your boyfriend. You knew you had been neglecting him lately, so you decided to make it up to him by cooking him his favorite dinner. Things were going to be different now. You had been getting too caught up in making gear lately, and you hadn’t been spending as much time with your loved ones as you wanted. But now spring was beginning. You could feel it in the warm breeze that chased you home. It was time for you to rededicate yourself to the people in your life. Gear could always be fixed, and it was more important to show the people you loved how much you loved them, starting with Takumi.

You hummed a simple melody as you neared your and Takumi’s apartment, growing more excited the closer you got. It was a Friday, which meant he had to stay late at work, so you would have plenty of time to cook before he got home. He was going to be so surprised, you thought to yourself, carefully unlocking the apartment door while balancing your recently-purchased groceries. You set them gently on the counter. As you glanced around your apartment, you noticed a few odd things. A pair of keys lying on the kitchen counter, both yours and Takumi’s house slipper missing from their place next to the doormat, and the faint sound of music coming from your bedroom. Was he already home? Perhaps he, too, had gotten out of work early and was also planning to surprise you. After all, you had the whole weekend ahead of yourselves. Even if he had planned something else for dinner, you could still surprise him by being home so early. You crept towards your bedroom, closer to the music, a song you recognized. Yes, that was definitely off of your sex playlist. And there was something else you could hear, quieter, but definitely audible. Your boyfriend was moaning. Was he so wound up thinking about you coming home he just couldn’t stand to wait? He would be so surprised to see you live and in person. You pushed open the door to see what you were nowhere close to expecting.

The man you lived with, the man you had loved for two years, had a girl pushed into your bed, her own moans smothered by your pillows as your boyfriend took her from behind. For a moment, you were speechless. Neither of them realized you were there, eyes away from the door and too caught up in the ecstasy of each other’s bodies to realize your entrance. You could hear the song on the playlist coming to an end. In the silence between one song and the next, you finally found the courage to speak.

“Care to explain, Takumi?” you said to the man who would soon be your ex-boyfriend. He paused in shock, almost unable to believe you were actually standing before him. Quickly, he grabbed a pillow from out under the girl he was fucking and held it over his body. You laughed derisively.

“Why bother hiding? It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before.” You could see the gears in his brain turning rapidly, trying to churn out an excuse, any excuse.

“Baby, I promise this isn’t what it looks like,” he said nervously. The girl on the bed, who had been sitting confusedly, finally spoke.

“Baby? Is this your girlfriend?” she asked angrily. Takumi’s eyes darted nervously back and forth between you and the naked woman, before he slowly nodded.

“You have got to be kidding me.” She sat up proudly and looked you in the eyes. “I swear to god I had no idea he was in a relationship. I would never do that to another woman. God, I can’t believe I actually slept with a piece of shit like you!” she yelled at Takumi.

Your eyes grew wider at her words. You would have almost preferred if they had been in love, maybe then you could have justified it to yourself, but the implications of her words were clear. How many other random girls had there been?

“Listen, I know I messed up, but you have to hear me out,” pleaded Takumi to you. The girl in the bed snorted.

“What does she have to hear? How you told me you just got out of a relationship with your ex who was both clingy and never around enough? How much you were glad that you finally left her? How you were finally looking to meet a girl who could actually commit to a relationship? You’re human garbage.” The girl hurriedly put her clothes back on and headed out the door, but not before turning to you once more. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You better ruin him.” You nodded at her in respect. You wished you had her strength, but right now you wanted to do nothing more than to sit down and cry. Your whole apartment felt like it had been tainted. You turned to Takumi.

“Get out. I can’t even look at you right now,” you said, trying not to betray the tears in your eyes. He at least had his pants back on as he walked over towards you, arms outstretched.

“I promise she meant nothing. You’re the only woman for me. Please baby, don’t let this come between us. I love you,” he pleaded. You couldn’t believe him. He had the audacity to tell you that you were the only one for him when you had just caught him in bed with another woman?

“I’m asking you to leave, Takumi. There’s nothing you could have to say that I would want to hear.” You paced back and forth nervously, hoping to god that he would leave of his own volition. You had no idea how to make him leave if he didn’t want to, and you certainly didn’t want to be the one kicked out when you had done nothing wrong but love the wrong man. Of course, it was already sinking in that you would have to move out. Takumi may have been a cheating bastard, but he was also a rich bastard, and there was no way you could afford the nice apartment you two had shared for the last six months by yourself. Besides, you didn’t think you could look at the apartment the same ever again. Was she the first woman he used to defile your bed? Had the same countertops you had made him dinner on been violated? Could you ever feel truly clean in that shower again? Moving out wasn’t a question, it was a necessity. But Takumi wasn’t moving now.

“This is my apartment too, goddamn it. I’ll stay if I want to stay. You won’t even listen to me!” he yelled, waving his arms in the air angrily.

“I literally just caught you cheating on me! Why should I have to listen to anything you have to say?” you asked, your voice now filled with anger as well.

“God, this is so typical. You never want to pay any attention to anything I do. I wouldn’t have had to sleep with her if you actually fucking talked to me. But no, you’re always too busy for me, working at your stupid job on some dumb gadget that nobody cares about. Maybe if you had actually acted like a girlfriend this wouldn’t have happened. It’s not like you needed to fucking work with me around anyway. I never understood why you didn’t quit when you moved in.” You looked at Takumi again, but it felt like you were looking at a completely different person than the man you had once loved.

Did he really feel that your job was worthless? He had always been patient and kind about how your work schedule shifted based on customer need. It’s not like you were working all the time either, you had just been working later for the past weeks because Bakugou had literally shattered his gauntlets in a fight and was forced to use his spares. He was the number two hero. He saved peoples’ lives, and in fixing his gear, you felt that you saved them as well, at least indirectly. Takumi had never shown an inkling of these feelings before. Didn’t he support your work? You didn’t even know where to begin, completely bewildered and barely able to respond. All of this was so much, in so little time, coming completely out of nowhere.

“I save lives with my work, Takumi. Don’t you remember how Bakugou had to use the grappling hook I made him when he ran out of energy to sustain his power 100 feet up? He would have died. I love my job. I love helping the people who protect our lives. I just like having a job! There’s nothing wrong with that!” you said desperately.

“Your job is to be my girlfriend! How do you think it makes me feel when I come home late at night and I have to order takeout because you’re holed up in your workshop making another useless metal hunk for your precious Bakugou! You know, I bet you were hooking up with him this whole time. There’s no way you were really at work all those nights. You’re just at fault as me. I would never have slept with her if you acted like a woman is supposed to!” You snapped, no longer able to tolerate Takumi’s words, and refusing to take the blame for his actions.

“I am allowed to have a job. I am allowed to have a life outside of being with you. I have no obligation to cook, clean, or act a certain way for you. And I am asking you, for the last time, to get out of the apartment,” you spoke coldly. Perhaps your tone of voice finally got through to him, because he finally snapped his mouth shut, pulled on a hoodie, grabbed his keys, and left.

“Fine,” he spat. “Clearly you need some time to calm down and think. I can give that to you. I’m going to the lakehouse for a few days. When I come back you better have fixed this fucking attitude problem. I know what I did wasn’t right, and I’m going to make it up to you but you can’t even listen to reason right now so I’ll let you have some time to yourself. This isn’t over.” He finally stepped outside and closed the door. You sank to the floor, laughing hysterically, before starting to sob. What had he expected to happen, that you would apologize to him for forcing him to cheat on you? You couldn’t believe him. Although, as you sat and calmed yourself down, the more you thought about your relationship with Takumi, the worse he seemed.

You touched the necklace around your neck, remembering how he had refused to ever let you take it off, blowing up the one time you had tried to get it professionally cleaned after an incident in the workshop. The makeup class he had signed you up for as a “present”, because he wanted you to “unlock your inner beauty”. The way he hated your male coworkers, and got upset whenever you mentioned them. Most of all, the way he hated Bakugou. It had always upset you how the two most important people in your life had never gotten along, but you thought you had loved them both enough to survive their distaste for each other. Had Takumi always been so controlling? You couldn’t believe it had taken you this long to see it. What would have happened if you had married him? There was only one thing you could do right now. You pulled out your phone and called Bakugou. He picked up after the third ring, just like you knew he would.

“What the hell do you want, shitty woman? If it’s about the fixed gauntlets they’re fucking fine. You know I wouldn’t have you fix them if I didn’t know you would do a good job. Why the hell are you bothering me while I’m on patrol? Don’t you have that loser boyfriend to bother?” he asked. You cracked a small smile. Classic Bakugou. You could easily hear that under all that bluster he was happy to hear from you. You hadn’t been seeing him as much, probably because of Takumi, and you knew that though he would never say it, he had missed you.

“Hey Bakugou,” you spoke slowly and nervously. “Sorry to bother you, but…” Bakugou quickly cut you off.

“Are you sick or something, dumbass? You sound gross.” Translation: Are you ok? You sound upset.

“I, um, well, I, here’s the thing,” you stammered, trying to find the words to tell Bakugou what had happened without him blowing up.

“Spit it out, shitty woman. You know how to fucking talk.” You took a deep breath.

“Takumi was cheating on me. I just found out. He left and he said he’s going to be gone for a few days but he wants to talk when he gets back. I’m leaving him, and I think I need to move out.” After you managed to spill out the events of the past few minutes, you heard only heavy breathing on the other end of the line. “Bakugou?”

“Ok. Start packing whatever you want to take with you. I’ll be there soon,” he said. You knew he was trying to stay calm for you, but you could hear the crackle and pop of his quirk through the phone. He must have been really angry. He had progressed a lot since his angry high school days where you had to design special muffling gloves for him, because he couldn’t control his quirk when he got angry. Now, you only heard that sound when he was about to absolutely destroy someone.

“Wait, Bakugou. I can’t just move out of here immediately.”

“Yes you can,” he responded.

“I don’t have any way to pack up all my stuff, or move it, and I definitely don’t have anywhere to move to. There’s no way I can just leave.” What was he thinking?

“I don’t care. I’ll call Shitty hair, or a moving company, or buy a fucking truck to put all your shit on. You don’t have to stay there.” You knew he would do it, too. You had always been proud to make your own money, something you were realizing Takumi had never seemed to like, so you didn’t want to rely on someone else to buy you something, but this was different. This was Bakugou. You knew he was only doing this because he wanted to, and he wouldn’t expect anything in return.

“Ok, but all of that means nothing if I don’t have anywhere to move the stuff to. What am I supposed to do, live out of my car?” You could hear Bakugou snort derisively through the phone.

“Are you fucking stupid? You’ll move in with me, of course. For the first time in a long time, you heard hesitation in your best friend’s voice. “Unless, you don’t want to? I can get you a hotel or something while we figure out an apartment, but you know I have a spare room. And, fuck, I don’t know, you wouldn’t be the shittiest roommate in the world, and I know…” You decided to cut him off to spare him any further misery.

“I’d be more than happy to move in with you, Bakugou,” you said softly, hearing him breathe a sigh of relief through the phone. “Thank you.”

“Don’t fucking mention it. Seriously, don’t mention it. Just start packing your shit. I gotta go call out of patrol.” With that, he hung up.

You had always said that you didn’t know what you’d do without him as your friend, and you felt that way now more than ever. Who else but Bakugou Katsuki would do all this for you? One phone call, and he was already dropping everything to come help you. That man was nothing if not devoted to his friends.

#bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #pro hero bakugou #katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #mha #mha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha #my hero academia #bnha imagines #bnha x you #ive been procrastinating #I'm so excited to post this but I really need to work on my final

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years ago

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.

Levi POV

The other members of the squad gathered to see me spar with the new girl. I've only taken her into my squad because Shadis bragged about how good she was on the combat stimulated graduation test. "If trained by you, she'll be a very efficient titan slayer. However, she seems to work best alone, and when you give her some respect. She strangled a cadet to unconsciousness once for catcalling her. That's the only time she got in trouble with the rules." Shadis explained. I, however, wasn't going to give 'respect' to some privileged cadet who's much younger than I am. He mentioned she's as good as I am but I doubt it because she looks like she can barely lift a rock. Her big mouth back at the courtroom didn't improve my views on her either. A weak brat with a big mouth is as shitty as horse shit in a stable. She did have something different about her though. Her eyes, they held the same expression as mine. "Am I judging her wrong?" I wondered internally before putting the thought aside because what possibly can happen to a privileged brat who lived all her life up here? Dead parents? That happened to pretty much everyone in the undergrounds. As we reached the middle of the courtyard, I saw her take a defensive stance. "Hmm, that is a pretty good strategy" I thought. This means she wants to access my attacking style before attacking me. But it isn't too easy to predict me. With that, I threw a kick at her.

Your POV

He figured out my plan about the defensive strategy. I could see it in his eyes. His face was expressionless but his eyes gave it away. I understood because I never bring what I feel onto my face either. He came close to land a punch on me but I knew it could be a kick as well since he already figured out my plan. I was right and he did through a kick. I caught his leg and tried to twist it so that he would fall down but surprisingly, he just used his other leg to kick at my face. I held it at the last moment but that made him wrap his leg on my neck and throwing me to the ground. He wasn't using any particular fighting technique. He went from offensive to defensive and the other way around in a matter of moments. He made up his moves along the way.

Now that I knew his tactics, I took advantage of my aerobics skills and grabbed his neck from behind with my legs as he was over me holding my hands securely and putting a leg on my back so that I couldn't move while I was on the ground with my nose on the floor. As I choked him, he released my hand to remove my feet from his neck. I took the advantage of it and used my hand to remove his leg from my back and slid away from underneath him. However he caught my leg and as I fell down, he pinned my hands with his legs and my legs with his hands. There was only one thing to do now but that made me feel uncomfortable beyond measures. He wouldn't expect this attack in any way because most people in the army were strong but not flexible enough to do this. I had to thank my childhood in the underground for this as the amount of stretching I went through all my childhood made me flexible enough to ace all the aerobic lessons my aerobics instructor threw at me back when I trained with Uncle Erwin.

"You privileged brats don't know the importance of survival. All you can do is bark like a street dog, trying to make your whims justified. No wonder you can't win. If you have never seen death right infront of your eyes, you can't take a fight seriously. This is what brats like you should get for trying to act like grownups and interfering when your superiors are talking" he said with his monotone voice. A flash of memory went through my head. The picture of a darkened room, the blood splattered on the floor, the many hands approaching me. I knew I had to do something.

Levi POV

I had her now. She did put up a good fight but she definitely didn't last too long. Just when I was thinking this, I saw her boots sliding off and her legs shooting out and then she sat on my face. Leaving out the part about how embarrassing it was, that clearly was something I didn't see coming. She pinned my arms and legs with immense speed using her hands and legs because she couldn't hold it alone with her hands. "I surrender" I grunted because my face was being squished. She got up and saluted me. Everyone was staring dumbstruck. I personally was caught aback with that move. She was looking down on the ground trying to hide her face because she probably was blushing. I had to admit she was good. Being able to bend so much without breaking her back was an immense feat. She was second in command material. I finally understood what Shadis was implying. She doesn't deal with criticism well. Her fighting techniques were impressive enough to gain my respect though, even if she was a subordinate. I decided that I would respect her as an equal since that probably would lead her to trust me and help me to train her to make use of her skills in the most efficient way possible. Maybe I judged her wrong because someone with a privileged life wouldn't be able to react like that to a simple sentence... Her name seemed familiar too...

"I suppose Shadis wasn't lying. You are really talented. I couldn't have predicted that move but please do try not to sit on people's faces because it's awkward." I said keeping my normal monotone voice. "Sorry sir. This won't happen again" She answered, embarrassment clear in her eyes. "You have the quality to be second in command. However, I'll see how good you are on our next expedition and then think about it. You're dismissed. Get me a cup of tea at my office in one hour, Petra" I stated before going back in the castle to take a shower. The fight made me filthy.

Your POV

As embarassing as it was, I won against the strongest soldier of humanity. I was only able to win because he wasn't too tall and I surprised him by sitting on his face. He probably didn't expect a girl to do something like that. Not to mention that my flexibility gave me certain advantages in combat. I wouldn't have won against him otherwise because he's very much stronger than I am. Everyone was staring at me and once Levi left, Petra, Eren and three other men came towards me awestruck. "YOU ACTUALLY DEFEATED LEVI HEICHOU!" Petra screamed. "I thought he was gonna kill you" said Eren with a bright expression. "Well, you did pretty good for a rookie though. I'm Oluo Bozado. Call me Oluo" said one of the three men. "I see you will take my post as second in command in no time" Eld Jinn sighed. I knew him from the newspapers. With that, Eren went back to his chores already since it was clear that he was scared of Levi heichou to death. "She clearly deserves to be second in command given that you never won against heichou" said the other man. "Well, Gunther, atleast I didn't piss my pants like Petra and Oluo here when I first saw titans" said Eld. "It wasn't anything notable. I have much to learn." I answered to them. "Oh come on! Don't be so sour! Lighten up a bit!" Petra laughed, invading my personal space by hugging me out of nowhere. Did she really not get the message that I don't like people around me? "Well, I'll take a shower" I muttered before leaving. I made my contribution to the conversation and went to the bathroom.

After washing my body, I took a blade in my hand as usual and started making clean strokes on my back. Tears streamed from my eyes as my back was bleeding from the not-too-deep wounds but I didn't make any noise. This was the only way I knew to cope with my demons. This reminded of my childhood. Being hurt was what I was born for and I didn’t know how to live without it. The things Levi heichou told me triggered every emotions all at once. I wanted to kill him for denying the fact that I faced all those things that no one should face. I wanted to get rid of the whole squad for being so damn noisy and getting in my personal space. I needed the pain to calm down. "It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts..." my mind kept muttering like it did every day back in the underground. "I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive I'm alive..." my mind consoled me with every stroke of the blade. This helped me keep my sanity back in the underground. As long as I was alive and I felt the pain, I would be alright.

"Ugh these disgusting food will give me constipation like Levi Heichou. No wonder he looks like someone slapped him all the time" I heard Petra's voice and before I could do anything, the door of the bathroom opened and Petra saw me. She looked petrified to see me naked, crying and bloody and she lunged at me, trying to take the blade from me but I kicked her in the stomach and pushed her out of the bathroom and locked the door. "Damn it, I shouldn't have forgotten to lock" I thought. Petra called at me a while after I asked her to mind her own business and then she left the room. By then I bandaged my back as usual and was cleaning the blood off the washroom when I heard a loud banging of the door and Corporal Levi's voice saying "Open the damn door brat!". I hid the blade and got dressed quickly and opened the door. " Petra told me that you were cutting yourself. Is that true?" he asked firmly. "Yes but it's not her damn business to poke her nose into everything I do" I replied with a cold glare at Petra which made her flinch. "What's your name Cadet?" Levi heichou asked with pure anger in his eyes. "(Y/N) (L/N) Sir." I replied with a calm voice. "And where are you from?" he asked with the same expression. "From Shiganshina District Sir." I replied. Some sort of realization spreaded across his eyes.

He turned to Petra and surprisingly, he only asked her to give me some antiseptic cream before he left. Petra did what he asked but kept giving me a sympathetic look. "Petra, stop with that pitying look that you're giving me. I don't need it" I told her while we were making lunch together. "I'm sorry." she replied but didn't stop with the sympathetic looks. I decided to let it slide. I didn't talk much at lunch except for when Eld asked me about my graduation results. They were mostly busy talking to themselves about how I beat Levi heichou until Levi heichou himself arrived shutting all of their mouths. After lunch, Oluo and Gunther were doing the dishes and I took a new book from my bag and went near the pond behind the castle to read it. The stairs of the bank was clean. Levi heichou probably made Eren clean it. "I see you're into reading too" I heard Levi heichou's voice. I stood up and saluted. He nodded and sat on the stairs too. "You can sit cadet" he said in his monotone voice. I sat at my place glad that he kept a good distance from me.

"Are you the girl who killed that Garrison soldier? " heichou asked without looking at me. "Yes sir." I replied calmly. I should've expected this to come up. "I read that book. It's a good one" he said, again with his usual monotone voice but that sentence made me blush. Levi heichou reads romance books with machoism in it? "You probably would like the book more as it is from a girl's point of view. After all, you do seem to cut yourself" he said. "It's not like that, heichou. I suppose cutting myself reminds me that I'm alive and I can make everything right. I feel like this book portrays it well because as long as you feel pain, you can still hope to feel happiness someday. When you stop feeling pain, you're either dead or too numb to feel anything. I honestly would like to keep feeling because when someone is numbed, all that's left for them is to die." I answered.

"I've heard something similar to that. About having no regrets. I suppose you can only have regrets when you're numb as you wouldn't have anything to live for. So, I guess that makes sense." he replied. "Heichou, please don't mind me asking, but, why are you alive?" my mouth blurted out. "Well, honestly, I don't know. Probably because humanity needs me and I probably am making a difference? I don't know really." he answered vaguely. "So, is it pride that's keeping you alive?" I asked him. "No. It's not. You could say, I'm alive because if I can make a contribution to eradicate the titans, I will feel worthy of having a normal life." he answered. It was strange that he talked to me so freely. Is it because I gained his respect by that fight? "So, you want to make things right for yourself and the feeling of worth is what makes you remember that you are alive and well enough to do that." I stated. "Yes. That's it." he replied. With that he started reading another book. After a while I was ensured that he won't make anymore conversation and so I got immersed into my own book.

A week later

Levi heichou decided to train me personally after my first day at his squad. He told me that I had potential but I wasn't doing things right and just agility won't get me anywhere. Thus, I needed to build my strength. Yesterday, Levi heichou found me cleaning the stables as he ordered me to do so after I spilled a cup of tea on him and apparantly my cleaning was close to flawless which is why, I was excused from every other cleaning duties and was assigned with cleaning his office daily. "I take back everything I said about you getting out of work, (Y/N). You just got handed a death sentence." Eren told me last night at dinner time. "Just don't argue with him when he shouts at you. Answer with 'yes heichou' only." Petra chimed in. "You'll get kicked out of the squad now for sure" Oluo snorted while the others merely gave me pityful looks. "I don't know... It didn't seem too bad when he criticized the way I cleaned the stable... Heichou even helped out to clean the spots I missed." I answered, confused with their statements. "Huh? Levi Heichou shouted at me to clean the stable again during my first time... And he made me do it three times..." Eren answered, quite surprised. "You must be really good at it then..." Petra muttered, sounding quite jealous for some reason. "I suppose I am..." I muttered, eating a spoonful of stew, remembering all the practice I had of cleaning.

I knocked on the door to Levi heichou's office to hear his monotoned voice shout out, "state your name and business.". " It's Cadet (L/N). I'm here for cleaning duties." I told him before he answered me with a "come in". I entered his office with a bucket full of water in one hand, a mop, a broom, a brush and a soap in another, and a dish cloth on my shoulder. Heichou was right, I need to work on building my strength because I felt like my hand was getting torn off by the weight of the huge filled bucket. The buckets in this place were too big to be honest. "You look like you're about to die. Aren't you practicing the exercises that I taught you the other day?" Heichou asked me with an irritated voice as he approached me and snatched the bucket from my hand and placed it infront of a window. I didn't get any time to practice those exercises because...well, I was slacking off due to all the new books in my room. "Sorry, Heichou. I will pay more attention to training from now on." I answered, with a speck of guilt in my voice since I didn't join the military to slack off. Heichou didn't reply to that and went back to his desk to continue his paperworks.

I started with cleaning the window, using the brush and soap to clean the windowsill. It didn't take too long as the place was pretty clean. Then I moved on to the furnitures, using water from the bucket to get the dirt off. I cleaned all the furnitures in silence except the desk, as I thought that disturbing Levi heichou wasn't a good idea. Then I used the brush to start scrubbing the floor. Just like I used to do back in the underground. "People usually start with the mop but I prefer what you're doing." I heard heichou comment. "Thank you." I replied and continued scrubbing. "Where did you learn to clean?" he asked me after a few moments. The question made me pause everything that I was doing momentarily but I collected myself almost immediately and answered, "Back in the underground." "I see. Seems like people from the underground are better at cleaning than the ones up here. Talk about irony." Heichou scoffed. "I believe that they don't have that need to clean because they take the cleanliness for granted." I replied, not taking my concentration off from scrubbing. "You're right." Heichou answered.

After a few more moments, I heard him say, "Back when I was a kid, I had the fortune to spend a whole day in a room with a corpse in it. It started to smell at the end and I decided that I would not tolerate filth ever again because it reminds me of rotting corpses.". Did he just share a childhood experience with me? Why would he do that? Is it because we both have similar backgrounds? These thoughts filled my head for a moment before I remembered that I never talked about my childhood with anyone. I never did it because I didn't expect anyone to understand. I assumed that they would think I'm a freak. Is that how Levi heichou felt too? If that's the case, maybe letting some burden off my chest by talking to him won't hurt. Ofcourse, I wouldn't tell him everything about myself but a random experience won't hurt.

"How much do you know about me?" I asked him. He seemed to be surprised by the question. "You were rescued from a brothel in the underground and you killed a guy from the garrison. Why do you ask?" he asked me. "Well, when I was a kid, I was locked into this room by the pimp. It had this small window on top of the wall that I couldn't reach. Almost no light came out of that window and I used to sit on that speck of light as I was scared of the darkness. So, the pimp came in that room with a lamp every day to clean up the mess and I used to take as much time as possible to clean cause I wanted the light to stay there for as long as possible. I guess, that's what gave me my habbit to clean. Oh, and about that question, I asked it to determine how much I can tell you." I answered, not looking up from the floor. "You used to live at a brothel? I didn't know... I'm sorry about that. I grew up in a brothel too." Heichou told me, his eyes showing that he understood me.

However, he didn't understand. No one here could. "I'm sorry too. Because you had to go through that. Being around a corpse doesn't feel good." I answered quietly. Thus, with that, a friendly relationship with heichou began, as we would talk every day when I came to clean his room, each time finding out that we understood eachother more than anyone else ever could.

To be continued

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder, @realityisoftendisapointing

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