#do it nicely and make sure your intentions are good ~ after all our goal here is to help improve someone who has great potential :3

[obscurevideogames]

Tumblr’s Core Prodct Stratgy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on trying to keep our sinking ship afloat for as long as possible. This means desperately trying to copy every new fly-by-night social media app that some multi-billionaire sh*t out during their daily Peloton routine. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. If you find the things we say here worrisome, please understand that is our exact intention. You've outgrown our target demographic. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Diagnosis

It's lookin' pretty bad y'all!

After somehow losing hundreds of thousands of users during the great pr0n purge of 2018, we started to wonder if anything could be done to get back to where we were. We even brought in a management consultant who charged us a ridiculous amount of money. It would make you sick if you knew how much, but we got a few nice meals out of it at least. Anyhow, we handed this guy the app, and HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT! It was f*cking hilarious! But suddenly it all clicked -- our users are a bunch of stupid idiots who can't even do basic arithmetic. I mean, they spend all day looking at their phones, so what do you expect?

Tumblr’s best feature is its unique content and vibrant communities. But who cares, right? We're just as happy getting traffic from people sh*t-posting memes, vague-booking, giving out-of-context hot takes to news events, and spewing whatever random thought is in their head at the moment. Plus that stuff doesn't p*ss off Apple.

To keep this thing going we need new people. And by "people" we mean teenagers, like we used to have back in the good ol' days. Unfortunately we're all in our 40s now, so we have no idea what they want. But teenagers are so cool! Imagine if they talked to us like we're one of them? We're getting hard just thinking about it.

Our Guidng Principls

To make Tumblr cool again, we must address these huge glaring issues.

People can look at a blog without logging in. How is that fair to all the poor schlubs who had to fill out forms to get an account? Also we haven't figured out a way to force ads onto the personalized pages yet. But we swear that's not the main reason.

People can see content they are looking for or linked to. People can keep up with blogs they follow. But the problem with this is, people don't know what they want. We know what they want! We're smart. We wrote this damn site, remember?

Promote posts that incite pointless conversations. Posts that are guaranteed to bait every troll into responding. Isn't that why all your Magat relatives love Facebook so much? We can do that!

P*ss off your content creators in every way possible (see #2).

Create algorithms that throw an unending barrage of irrelevant content in your face. Have you seen Instagram lately? We could do that so easy!!!

The app is slow. The website is slow. Obviously this is because of GIFs. Facebook and Instagram don't allow them, so why should we?

Conclusion

Our mission changes on a day-to-day basis. Right now we're super jealous of all the attention that new Threads thing is getting. We're still not sure what it is, but we're gonna download it after work.

[erina-leah]

Hi, I just saw your recent dating headcanon and they are so cute! Could I request a little scenario when shanks manages to get his s/o to laugh in front of him for the first time and that leads to their first kiss?

Title: Third Time’s the Charm

A/N: That’s so nice of you to say!! Thank you sm! 🥹This scenario sounds super cute and I love it! We love our little red hair dork. I hope you don’t mind the personality that I gave the reader, I wanted the laugh to be extra special! Hope you like!

ANOTHER NOTE! Sorry this took SO DAMN LONG to come out! I had a bad fit of writers block and school was killing me and I didn’t want to put out anything that my heart wasn’t in. But here it is!!! I hope you enjoy <3

CW: fluff, mentions of alcohol, Shanks has a hangover, Shanks x GN!reader

Ever since you first joined the Red Hair pirates, you were always known for being quiet and stoic. You weren’t rude, and you surely weren’t devoid of emotion, but you were a very serious person when it came to the life of piracy. For a crew that loved to party often, you rarely let yourself fully unwind.

This was something that your spunky captain aimed to change. He didn’t want to change you, per se, but he had a very specific goal in mind. He wanted to hear you laugh.

He had realized not long after you joined that he had never truly heard you laugh. It was a quiet night, and the crew was settled around a campfire on a remote island telling stories. During moments filled with uproarious laughter, the most anyone could get out of you was a sharp exhale. He was originally worried that you were uncomfortable with the crew, but he quickly learned that it was merely part of your personality.

Now, do not misunderstand, Shanks adored your personality and the way it contrasted with his yet fit so perfectly like a puzzle piece. He loved working with you— hell, he loved you, but he wasn’t ready to admit that quite yet. His first goal was to get you to laugh, because he wanted the bragging rights.

He was honestly putting in effort every day, but there were two major points in which he came close.

The first time was a horrible failure.

Yassop had told a really dumb dad joke, which he did often, and it resulted in you doing that little nose exhale that Shanks thought was so cute. Seeing that reaction from you gave him hope, so he started making every terrible pun imaginable.

“What’s a pirate’s favorite letter, Y/N?”

…

“The C!”

The rest of the crew couldn’t help but laugh at how stupid his attempts were, but he was unsuccessful with you. You simply shook your head and smiled at the crew and their shenanigans.

The second time, Shanks was sure that he would do it! They had just completed a successful raid and the crew took the opportunity to celebrate. Drinks were being handed out left and right, and Shanks got an idea.

He declared a drinking competition, knowing how you enjoyed a good challenge, and thought that a little alcohol in your system would encourage you to let loose and maybe let out a good laugh!

As the night went on, you weren’t exactly winning the contest, but you were certainly enjoying yourself. You had drank more than you had in a while, and your cheeks were a deep red. The crew began to tell stories, and Shanks watched you intently in hopes of catching a giggle or two.

However, all he saw was you gently swaying back and forth as your eyes were half lidded.

Of course you were a sleepy drunk…

At this point, Shanks was starting to give up. It had been a while since he had made any big attempts, bringing us to the present.

It was a quiet afternoon, the ship gently swaying in the soft breeze. You sat on the deck and gazed at the horizon for a while as a specific thought plagued your mind. Something about the crisp air gave you a boost of confidence, and so you went to find your captain for a word.

You found Shanks sitting and chatting with Benn as his first mate forced him to drink water as opposed to another round of sake, because the poor man was still terribly hungover from the night before. A common occurrence, really. You were reluctant at first, but you approached your captain with his cherry-red cheeks and asked him for a word alone.

Of course, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. He guided you with a hand on the small of your back as he led you to his room, laughing to himself as he complained about his splitting headache. He looked like a bumbling idiot, but you supposed that was why you felt the way you did for him…

However, what he was about to do was going to make him look like a lot more of an idiot.

He began to walk backwards so he could look at you as the two of you walked, a slight stumble in his step as he smiled and stuttered some more, asking about what you wanted to talk about. How he could look so adorable and silly at the same time was a mystery to you…

You were about to give some obscure, avoidant answer before you realized that your captain was about to run straight into a—

BANG!

—wall…

Just before he went to open the door, Shanks had smacked his head right into the door jam. He grabbed his head, barely phased, and grunted about how that was definitely not gonna help his headache.

You had to take a moment to process what had just happened. To think that you were about to confess to this man. You were so worried about making yourself look foolish, but he took that title way before you could. A bubbly feeling filled your chest and spilled out of you before you could think about it.

“Pfft- hahahahha!”

As you doubled over, losing yourself in an uncharacteristic fit on giggles, Shanks suddenly felt pretty sober. He fell silent and looked at you, a dreamy look in his eyes, as he held his head and blushed. The sound of your laughter was more beautiful than he could have ever imagined. It was like music to his ears, like the first song of the morning birds.

He was in love with it. Almost as much as he was in love with you.

“Wow…”

Once you caught your breath, you looked up at your captain, ready to apologize for laughing at him. How rude of you, right? Except, when you looked up at him, you were met with a pink face and a dreamy yet sober expression. Your words immediately got caught in your throat. You had never seen him look at you like that…

The two of you were silent for a moment, still standing just outside of his room. Suddenly nervous, you began to stutter out some word vomit of apologize and asking if he was okay or something to fill the void before he just interrupted you and blurted out:

“I’m so in love with you...”

Once again, you were thrown into stunned silence, and now you had a face to match the redness of his. It felt like minutes before you were able to find your voice again.

“That’s… what I was coming to tell you…”

Shanks’ expression softened even more as he processed your words. He was pretty shocked, but he was simply overwhelmed by your beauty and perfection to even care.

He didn’t waste another moment before pulling you close to him, wrapping an arm around your waist until your faces were almost touching. He didn’t move any closer than that, though. He simply gazed into your gorgeous eyes and waited for you to do the rest. He would hate to do anything you didn’t want.

But you definitely did want this— more than anything actually. You let your lips meet his, offering a kiss so soft and gentle it was like it was barely there. Shanks was pretty much putty in your hands now as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss ever-so-slightly. You faintly taste the sake on his lips as his stubble tickled your chin. You couldn’t help but smile into his lips.

The moment the two of you pulled away for a breath, he pulled you into a warm hug and buried his face in your soft hair. He felt like he was in heaven… and he was stone-cold sober. He whispered how much he loved you with his lips on your ear, and he didn’t plan on pulling away anytime soon.

All in one afternoon, not only had he gotten his true love in his arms, but he even got to hear them laugh. Those were some pretty serious bragging rights, and he planned to use them until the crew got tired of it.

[answersfromzestual]

Being Trans, Heterosexual and Dating.

Here is some dating advice:

1. Give your love interest time to get to know you. It does not make you a liar to get to know someone before confiding in genital talk. Your safety is the most important so its best to "feel out" (get to know) your love interest before you make your move. When I was actively dating with intent to find a wife, I used to tell the girl after the second date. That way I figured they'd see if they liked me enough to get past my genitals, but I did face rejection. However, rejection is a part of the dating process. Which leads to my next point of advice;

2. Know your worth. You deserve respect, consideration, and love. There will be people who try to play on insecurities like; feeling undateable. I had many interactions where women would use that insecurity of mine to try to pressure me into whatever agenda at the time. If someone who claims to love you is weaponizing you being trans, don't take it lightly and be sure to really evaluate what's happening.

3. Not everyone is the same. I have also met plenty of women who do not care what's in my pants. Women that liked me for me. I found that building a relationship with romantic expectations revealed, can make a great relationship. Some find safety and acceptance in developing relationships with other LGBTQ+ members; my experience is that not all members are accepting. Treat everyone as their own person. My wife is bisexual but that doesn't mean that all bisexual people are the same level of accepting a romantic relationship.

Now let's talk about after surgery. You don't have to tell anyone, I would also say you are infertile as well just as a point if that time were to come (kids). But let's get personal here. If you meet a woman who is everything you want and more, if she ever were to find out from another source but you, it could jeopardize your relationship, especially the longer two have been together, because she may see that as you lied to her and weren't honest and upfront. At some point it is better to be honest with someone it's also nice to have someone in your corner.

If you have that gut feeling you can't tell this person, that might not be the person for you.

There's lot of fish in the sea, I'm sure you'll clean up!

Good luck Anon and anyone else wondering about being trans and dating heterosexually.

- Zestual

If you have any questions or I missed something please feel free to reach out to me again!

P.s I told my wife early into our relationship. She was so nice and kind. She actually forgets I'm trans 99.9999% of the time. It's something that doesn't come up unless I basically bring it up. So you won't have to carry the trans label with you forever if that's your goal. You have this! You have lots of time to figure this all out.

[cevansbrat0007]

Hello Mr. Barber, I wanted to ask what are some qualities we ladies should look for as our deal breakers in finding a perfect match? I'm not very lucky in the dating sphere and I'm quite ready to give up. You and your wife are very lucky to have found each other and worked on your relationship. Obviously every person is different in what they look for in a partner, but do you have any suggestions or advice?

Summary: Andrew Barber returns to answer even more of your burning questions about love and marriage. Written from Andy's POV. Also check out Volume I and Volume II, as well as an Interview with Mrs. Barber.

Warning: the following response contains mature themes, including references to oral sex and cursing. Minors DNI.

A/N: For more insight into Andrew Barber and his Baby Girl, please check out my ongoing Growing Pains Series. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

___

Well hello again, everybody! First let me say that it’s nice to be back. My wife and I have really come to enjoy these questions. However, this time I felt the need to consult her as I wrote this response. This is in addition to letting her review my answers before hitting “publish”.

I just wanted to make sure that my answers made sense. Lucky for me, Baby Girl is a very honest creature. So, without further ado, here we go.

Allow me to begin by saying that there’s no such thing as a perfect match. Although I initially disagreed with this, my wife helped break it down for me so that I could better see her point. That’s one of the many things I love about this woman, you know? She’s willing to challenge me and the ways I see the world.

And sometimes that’s exactly what I need.

Now, that’s not to say there’s no hope of ever finding the yin to your yang. That’s absolutely possible. I just mean that perhaps you ought to consider tweaking your perspective a little. 

Maybe reframe it in terms of you’re seeking a partner. Because that’s what you’re looking for, right? That’s the goal – the endgame. You’re searching for someone to do life with, together. Forever. 

And in order for that to happen, you need an effective partner. Someone who sees you for who you are. Who loves you the ways you need to be loved. Someone who enhances instead of detracts. 

You want someone who’s willing to meet you where you’re at with the intention of helping you grow.

With that in mind, I would implore you not to lower your standards. Maintain your values. Know your worth. Don’t ever compromise any of that for another person. I’d also advise you to be immediately wary of any man or potential significant other that ever asks you to do so. 

One of things that really attracted me to my spouse is that she expected to be treated a certain way from the very beginning. She’s the type of person who commands respect from everyone wherever she is. She’s always been that way. And it’s because she knows her worth.

Case in point, when I almost blew it on our very first date. To this day, I’m grateful that I found the balls to chase after that woman when things went south at Cibo Matto. This man right here “ain’t too proud to beg”, I can tell you that much.

And yes, I know that’s a song by The Temptations. I was actually just serenading Baby Girl with it the other night. If memory serves, she was pissed at me for eating the last of her homemade cinnamon rolls. So, I did what any good husband would do when their lady threatens to run away to the grocery store and never come back. I swooped her up as she was stomping out the door and carted her off to my office so that I could apologize for my actions.

Besides, I’d much rather eat her any day. I mean can you blame me? My woman is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. The stories I could tell you about all the ways I’ve convinced her to forgive me for the stupid things that I’ve done…

But that’s not what this was initially about, is it? My sincerest apologies. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Knowing your worth and refusing to lower your standards. 

During our first date, my girl refused to settle for being treated as an afterthought. So she left. Just straight up walked out on me. Because she deserved better than how I was treating her. 

That evening should have been about us getting to know each other better. Instead, I unknowingly allowed my ego to get in the way and almost derailed everything before it had the chance to start. Which meant that I almost lost out on something magical. 

Which brings me to my next point. Everyone makes mistakes. This can be especially true when nerves are involved. I’m fortunate in that my Baby Girl eventually forgave me, and with that also came a second chance. But only because – and she explained this to me again last night – I had enough sense and maturity to apologize.

And fucking mean it. 

So, I’m going to suggest that you be willing to grant any of your potential suitors some grace. But only if they’re worthy of it. Meaning that if he’s not willing to apologize – especially if he’s done something to accidentally hurt or disrespect you – then walk away.

Because that’s a sign that you’re dealing with a boy. Not a man.      

The only other thing I would encourage you to do is to keep yourself open to love. Magic tends to find us when we least expect it. It likes to sneak up and knock you square in the face. And when that happens, I think you should embrace it.

Run with it. Cherish it. Be thankful for it.

Treat that relationship like a seed and water it daily. You’ve got to pour into one another and tend to that love. Cultivate it gently with tenderness and patience. And hopefully one day you and your partner will look up and be utterly amazed by what has blossomed.    

Thank you for your question and never forget that Mrs. Barber and I are cheering you on from the sidelines. 

Best Wishes, Andrew Barber

[aeoki]

Blackjack - Santa Will Not Come: Chapter 2

Location: Yumenosaki Student Council Room Characters: Touri, Shinobu, Souma, Mao & Yuzuru Season: Autumn

Mao: Last year’s “Star Fest” was a send-off party for “Trickstar”.

In other words, the main goal of the event was for everyone to give us their support and cheer us on since we’ll be representing Yumenosaki at “SS”.

Every year, “SS” begins less than a week right after “Star Fest”.

“Star Fest” is like the eve of the “SS” festival – something like a rehearsal of sorts. It’s efficient and logical.

Touri: Really…? Honestly, that wasn’t on my mind at all back then, so I don’t really remember.

Yuzuru: Hehe. You were going through a rough time back then after having the proposal you came up with rejected…

Touri: Yeah… I won’t forget the misery I felt, thinking everything was over, and how cold the snow felt on my knees and in my palm.

Of course, I won’t ever forget how bright and dazzling the performance after that was too.

Souma: Hehe. Even though it was the send-off party for “Torikkusutaa”, I remember everyone was grappling with their own problems.

In reality, that was the least of everyone’s concerns…

Naturally, “AKATSUKI” was the only one who did not get swayed and worked diligently to give “Torikkusutaa” a proper send off.

Touri: What? Are you trying to say that “AKATSUKI” is better than “fine”? You’re so impertinent, Kanzaki-senpai, and you’re not even a member of the Student Council!

Souma: Hehe. My apologies. I was simply stating the truth – I had no intentions of provoking you.

Mao: Watch that mouth of yours, Touri~ Kanzaki may not be a member of the Student Council but he’s still your senior. He’s been helping with our work since the beginning of the new school year, so we’re indebted to him.

Souma: Well, it can be easier to work if one is not affiliated with the organisation at times.

Even so, I am here to help as that is what Hasumi-dono has asked of me, so it is not my intention to cause trouble.

Please treat my presence as you would the air and continue with the discussion.

Mao: Well, this air certainly has a LOT of presence…

Anyway, if you guys have something to say, then feel free to mention it – that includes you, too, Kanzaki.

The others will speak if I don’t so that’s nice.

Sengoku, Anzu, do you have any questions so far?

Shinobu: Y–You don’t have to make sure we’re included every single time, you know!? Didn’t you just ask us that?

Mao: Right. I said that on purpose. For twice the comedic effect.

Touri: Can’t you speak unless it’s got something to do with comedy, “Trickstar”?

Mao: Heheh. Anyway, it seems this year’s “SS” will be fundamentally different from last year’s.

“Trickstar” won’t be the only ones taking part – every single idol can at least take part in the Qualifying Rounds if they so wish to.

Touri: So what you’re saying is since “SS” has changed this year, the same needs to apply to “Star Fest” too?

Mao: Yup. If it was the same as last year, we’ll just be criticised since we’ll be the only ones favoured.

I’ll just be repeating what you just said, Touri, but we also have to change everything for “Star Fest” in order to match “SS”.

The one thing that won’t change is the fact that it’ll be a one-day event held during Christmas Live.

By the time “Star Fest” reaches its climax, it’ll be a new day and everyone will celebrate by saying, “Merry Christmas!”

Touri: The same thing happened with “Tanabata Fest” but it’s gonna be tough performing into midnight… I get so sleepy every time.

Yuzuru: During last year’s “Star Fest”, the Young Master fell asleep halfway through, perhaps due to feeling less tense.

Touri: Yeah… Maybe Santa came by right then, but there were presents everywhere when I woke up.

Shinobu: Hehe. Santa did a good job using that opportunity. He’s definitely a stealthy one ~de gozaru.

Mao: Yeah. Anyway, in order for the one-day-only “Star Fest” to be the best festival there is, we idols will be seeing hell, though.

Shinobu: This always happens with Anzu-dono’s proposals.

Touri: Yeah. It makes me realise every time that the most important thing an idol should have isn’t singing skills or cuteness, but stamina instead.

Mao: You hear that, Anzu~?

Well, seeing as it’s another of Anzu’s proposals this year, I guess one thing won’t change – it’ll be a test to see how long we can hold out for.

As long as we’re up for it, we can stand on stage for as long as we want, as many times as we want.

Souma: It is certainly something Anzu-dono would come up with.

If it is the job of a “purodusa” to guide us “aidoru” to the stage we’ve wished for, then Anzu-dono has done a splendid job.

Touri: That’s a compliment from the upperclassmen with tons of stamina, but it’s gonna be tough for the new students who don’t have the right physique for it. Don’t forget about them.

Mao: I’d like to think they’ll be fine, though. There have been fewer students collapsing compared to last year – Anzu included.

Touri: Anzu has also grown after learning a thing or two.

Mao: I can’t believe how different you are now – We couldn’t leave you alone at all back when we first met you.

Hm? I’m the same? I didn’t seem reliable in the beginning but now I’m doing an excellent job as the new student council president?

Oh, stop it – you’re making me blush~♪

Touri: Stop flirting with Anzu and get this discussion going!

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[heehoothefool]

3 am funny thoughts again so here we go.

Hermits as DnD Classes and Races

Unlike the empires cast, I'll be doing this one based off of generalized knowledge or my favorite version of them, depends on the Hermit. Not restricted by particular seasons.

To be kind to myself, I am only doing Hermits that are active or busy with some other series like Vault Hunters (Mumbo is included here). I won't be doing former Hermits because this list is already crazy long.

Let's go

Bdubs: Light domain cleric gnome. He is a little man of the moss, and have you seen his affinity for animals? He has to be a gnome. And the whole sun thing? Yeah, dude's a light cleric.

Cubfan: This man is a wizard, illusion focus. No other class has enough hubris to build that kind of pyramid just because, and to me, what would a member of ConVex/ConCorp want more out of magic than to trick the eyes of those around them? As for race, I'd pin Cub for the Unearthed Arcana changeling, the one with Unsettling Visage. Seems like he'd get good use out of it.

Doc: Artificer, Maverick subclass. He is constantly working on new reality breaking projects that only someone like himself could pull off. As for race, I think you could do some kind of earth genasi/warforged homebrew combination that would work wonderfully for him. He would be a wild character to play for sure.

Etho: Half elf assassin rogue. Great at pvp, and very pretty, but still very down to earth.

False: Unlike her Empires counterpart, Hermit False to me reads as more of a Monster Hunter Fighter. Protecting her friends from whatever monsters may be nearby, or evil individuals with bad intentions, this class would work for her quite well. Still human for the race though.

Gem: She's only been around for 2 seasons and season 8 was very short, but she definitely seems to have a very Natural theme to her stuff, so I want to call her a circle of the moon druid. And also a faun for the race, probably forest. She is absolutely a fae of some kind and forest just fits her aesthetic so nicely.

Scar: Okay. This man is a college of glamor bard that rolled triple 6s and put that straight into charisma. He will talk you out of the clothes on your back in excahnge for a cactus. He's also 100% a changeling to match Cub, but also because it's the only way I can possibly explain the Many Faces And Forms Of Scar. However, I would say he probably also multiclasses into the Sharpshooter Fighter for his HotGuy persona.

Grian: Aaracokra for the whole avian thing with wings and all, but for his class I'm a little unsure. I'm considering Trickery domain cleric, but I think, all things considered, Great Old One Pact of the Blade warlock might be the best fit, allowing us to incorporate the Watchers as the patron, while also giving him good combat versatility. The charisma focus will be good for his shenanigans too.

Jevin: Seeing as Jevin appears to be very skilled all around, it's hard for me to place his class. With his evident skill in making highly efficient mob farms, and overall mob knowledge, I'm going to place him as a Ranger, monster hunter subclass. As for race, the Slimefolk race on the 5e Wiki seems like it would do just fine for our favorite goopy guy.

Impulse: The scale to which this man makes anything is impeccable. After his soup gang shenanigans, I wanna call this man an Oath of Vengeance Paladin, and I'm so attached to him as a dwarf I'm keeping to it. It's very him, stout little guy sticking up for everyone else.

Joe Hills: With Joe's very chaotic nature and ability to just kinda convince people to go along, I wanna call them a college of glamor bard. I have never been so confused and intrigued by an individual's goals. Also, Joe gives me just straight up fae vibes, the race you can find on the 5e Wiki.

Keralis: Look into those big eyes of his and tell me that's not a wild magic sorcerer. Brimming with charisma, that stuff is running through his veins. He would be the type to get startled and accidentally polymorph into a potted plant for a few seconds. As for race, I think human works just fine. Kinda just some guy (affectionate).

Pearl: Ah yes, the cleaning lady and epitome of go big or go home. With her penchant for keeping objects orderly and the server in a state of upside down chaos, I want to pin her as an Arcane Trickster Rogue. As for race, I think mothkin could be fun.

Rendog: That's a college of glamor bard that multiclassed into lycan order blood hunter. Keeps the whole werewolf thing around, and acknowledges the Red King, while still acknowledging that no other class than a glamor bard is going to commit that hard to a bit. Racewise his base race is probably human.

Tango: Artificer, archivist subclass to play into his role as the Decked Out Dungeon Master while still being very, very aware of his Redstone tomfoolery. As for race, Fire Genasi acknowledges the fire motifs we as a fan base often use for him while respecting his wishes to not be represented with horns by not making him a tiefling. And also fire hair is fun.

Beef: I don't know a lot about Beef but I do know that this is a very dedicated artist of a man. He gives me half elf vibes, and as for his class I wanna say some sort of charisma caster, I'm gonna go bard, College of Creation. Have you seen those maps? Those bases? This man is an artist.

XB: This guy and his underwater thing, I'm calling him a triton for fun. He seems to be very big on games and builds with story, so for this I think I want to actually make him an Illusion Wizard. Give him the stuff he needs to make things look wonderful and tell the story he wants to tell. And also to prank. I think he would enjoy it.

Xisuma: If there was ever a man more suited to play a Wild Magic Sorcerer it has to be him. The Admin with an evil doppelganger? Brother? Whatever Evil X is. X himself is your best, charismatic friend who just happened to also have the Sage Background to explain his very deep knowledge of "the world around him" (Minecraft). A changeling to explain away all of his various looks and also the fact that nobody knows what he actually looks like. Also Wild Magic funny and a good origin for a guy who is as powerful as he is for "no real reason" in lore.

Zedaph: Alchemist Artificer. Satyr. Need I say more? This is a chaotic little goat fey man who makes wacky ass contraptions. And I never stop thinking about that auto-brewer. It lives in my mind rent free at all times.

ZombieCleo: Despite the name, I don’t know that the Zombie race fits. Rather, I think Cleo could be better suited to the Wight race created by u/callmepartario over on r/UnearthedArcana. It plays into her little rivalry with Jevin, I think, that it's the need for vengeance keeping her "alive." As for her class, with her armor stand skills and penchant for head collecting, I think it would be very funny to pin her as a Necromancy Wizard. Why else would she need so many skulls? Why else would she raise so many "bodies?"

Hypno: Another Hermit I don't know much about, but I like his vibes. He gives me Assassin Rogue feelings so I'm gonna go with that, and say his race is blue dragonborn because again. Vibes.

Iskall: Oh look at them. Look at them and tell me that is not a Mastermaker Artificer wood elf. Look at the fun mix of nature and science and tell me I am incorrect I dare you. I love Iskall.

Mumbo: This, my friends, is really quite simple. Mumbo is a Maverick Artificer without a doubt, very skilled in just about all manner of Redstone contraptions. Mumbo is also a man of many projects (some of which get pushed off to the side for a while) so I think this suits him. As for race, this man strikes me as a tuxedo cat tabaxi. Idk I just like it, I think it'd be funny if Grian's bestie was a cat.

Stress: Circle of the Moon Druid she is so friend shaped oh my god. Incredibly friend shaped, incredible flower vibes, what kind of wood elf do you take her for?

Wels: Oath of Devotion Paladin. Stays true to his morals and does his best to do good, what more is there to say on that? He is incredibly human to me, love this man.

And that's all! If you have any alternative ideas go ahead and tack them on! I would love to get further input about the Hermits I'm not super familiar with, so if you disagree with something feel free to put it in the reblogs or tags or even pester my inbox! Oh my god this post took so long.

[cornfields-td-nonsense]

Don't be shy share with the class (about Lloyd & Rod)

hoo boy, where to begin?

So, again, they arrive on the show acting like the best of besties despite having only met about a week prior. They figure the "dynamic duos" of the show tend to have some staying power, plus it would be a good advantage to already have a preset alliance going in.

Basically they're acting like childhood best friends but know nothing about each other. This is important.

Rod is... not quite an over-the-top sunshine-personified himbo, but he's not far off. I think his parents are the kind of people who, when something bad happens, will sweep it under the rug and act like it doesn't exist. He ignores negative feelings and experiences rather than dealing with them. And he also tries to look for the good in people - nothing inherently wrong with that, but when a bear trap is gnawing your leg off, it's kind of counterproductive to go "oh, well at least it's a good quality bear trap!" Needless to say, he was bullied quite a lot as a kid, by people he didn't even register as bullies.

He also hasn't really had many close friendships before - he's always kind of been the guy who's tacked onto the side of an already close-knit group of friends. And he's never had a best friend before, until Lloyd. So now that he's pretending he's been this stranger's closest friend for years, he's getting a taste of what he's been missing. And he loves it.

Rod knows this whole friendship started off fake, but he feels like it has the chance to grow into something real. It already feels kind of real to him, at least. And he's sure Lloyd feels the same! Sure, he can be a little... cold, when it's just the two of them and they're not supposed to be pretending, but he's never been overtly mean to Rod. Our boy is determined to elevate this fake friendship into a real one, and believes this is Lloyd's goal, too.

After all, there's no way someone this nice could be faking it.

Now let's talk about Lloyd Tarantino. Straight-A student, perfect golden child, and deep, deep in the closet. Our boy has issues coming out the wazoo.

Possibly his biggest skill is his perceptiveness. Lloyd can tell who's planning on forming an alliance, who's on good terms with who, who's likely to be a threat. He can determine when it's a good idea to hang back, fly under the radar, or when it's time to take action. He doesn't manipulate people, per se (not intentionally, at least) but he does take advantage of the dynamics that already exist. Lloyd is incredibly perceptive - about everyone but Rod.

Lloyd's the one who orchestrated the idea of a fake friendship. And he has every intention of breaking it. The whole point of a fake friendship is that it's fake, after all. Surely Rod knows this. Rod must be intending to ditch him too. It just makes sense. Rod wouldn't genuinely be this attached to someone he just met - he's faking it, all of it, just like Lloyd. So if they start to bond, to genuinely get along, if the friendship begins to feel too real, if Lloyd begins to have doubts... Doesn't matter. It's all fake! That's the point! His feelings don't matter. Rod can't possibly like him that much, he's just a good actor. In fact, he's such a good actor... he could be quite a formidable enemy if those circumstances arise, especially since most of the others seem to like him. When the time comes and Rod is more of a liability than a valuable alliance member, Lloyd should ditch the guy as soon as possible. And Rod won't have hard feelings towards him because this was the plan. Obviously. Rod would do the same.

After all, there's no way someone that nice could be genuine.

(And there's absolutely nothing to unpack in the fact that Lloyd would sooner assume someone's niceness is an elaborate facade, than believe that someone might genuinely like him. Nothing to unpack whatsoever.)

Yeah. They're really not on the same page. At all.

Add just a sprinkling of potential slightly fuzzier feelings sparking between them right as Lloyd is planning his betrayal, and you get a thoroughly messy explosion once that betrayal happens.

I can just picture it now...

Lloyd, having just thrown Rod under the bus in an auto-elimination challenge three episodes before the finale: "On my life, I have no idea why he acted so sad about it. This was our plan from the start, I swear! He'd have done the same to me!"

Chris, brandishing a remote with the biggest evilest grin on his face, about to pull up all of Rod's confessionals talking about how much he's enjoying his time on the show with Lloyd and how he's so sure they're becoming friends for real: "lmao wanna bet"

Also a side note: Rod and Ming are on opposite ends of the "bullied kid" spectrum, and it's part of the reason they become such good friends. They kind of balance each other out. Ming starts out defensive and aggressive, putting up walls at the slightest provocation and staying angry with people for years, and Rod shows her that it's alright to let people in and let go of grudges. On the flipside, Rod starts out as - and I say this lovingly - a doormat, letting people be as horrible as they like to him and forgiving them at the drop of a hat. Ming shows him it's okay to set boundaries and be assertive with people, especially people who hurt you.

So while post-betrayal Lloyd could easily have won Rod back as a friend at the beginning of the season, now he's going to have to actually work hard to get him back.

[evaemiel]

The Kid

We sit high up in an elderberry bush, its trunk so thick it rivals many of the surrounding trees. Its clustered flowers make it look like we’re floating on a fluffy, creamy cloud. It’s peaceful up here. 

Away from the ground is safer, somehow.

For a long time, we just gaze up at the sky and imagine what it’s like up. What it would feel like to fly. 

Going somewhere far away. That must be nice.

Then you take my hand, and we’re off to our hideout between the bay trees and rhododendrons. The soil is always moist here but that doesn’t matter for real explorers of nature like us. We crouch down and watch some nearby birds intently, making sure they never spot us. 

Staying hidden is safer. Keeping secrets is how you survive.

We play a game where we’re in a secret magic society that obviously has to save the world, but we agree that’s like a “long-term goal.” We mostly need to do very secretive cool things and baffle anyone with our cleverness and sorcery. It involves complicated spells and rituals around an old tree trunk.  We also need to dress up as princesses; of course, there’s nothing better than flowy gowns and flower crowns. 

This world should be full of magic. Why isn’t it?

I braid your hair and decorate it with daisies. You give me a necklace made of long willow twigs. We huddle in the tent and draw intricate pictures of beautiful, adventurous ladies, one drawing scribbled over another, all in ballpoint pen. It’s a jumble of lines when we’re done — another secret only we can unravel. Stories that no one will ever know about.

You can only entrust yourself with the truth. And the darkness.

We play hide and seek; we run and laugh; we bike; we pet the animals at the nearby farm. We bask in the sun, but never long; there’s always something else to do, something else to see, somewhere else to be. Like in the ditch near the road! There’s so many wildflowers there, we pick a bouquet to take home.

If only we could go and discover the world without fear. There’s so much to see and learn.

Some afternoons should go on forever, and in my mind they do. But even the power of imagination can’t stop the real world from turning, so I’m forced to go back to my wanderings eventually. 

I hear someone call for dinner, so it’s best you go now. You say you don’t want to, but your growling tummy betrays you. You demand I stay longer; we could play more? I sadly shake my head and give you a long hug. I do need to tell you something before I go. 

Not about the future. I know you have a million questions, but my answers won’t do you any good. You seem to understand. We’ve always had a good sense of what should remain unknowable. Mystery is important for a good story, after all.

So instead, I say that you should heed the warnings of the Ghosts, just as the Dreamer is the closest thing to an oracle you will ever meet, fortune tellers be damned. And the Artist is your friend; never forget! There’s going to be others too, but don’t worry about that; I’ll take care of them. Just like I will take care of you.

I guess that’s what I came here to say today. In this idyllic memory turned fantasy.  You no longer need to protect yourself from the world by hiding away. Everything you are, everything I was, and still am, I can hold that for us both now.  It’s weird to become an adult. Really weird, but also comforting. 

In a year, I’m going to be the same age our mother was when she had us. I have no idea how this happened, yet inside, it feels like I was supposed to be this age all along. Like I finally belong, like we finally belong. We’ve been 40 years old since the beginning.

You laugh as if I just told the world’s greatest joke. We hug again, you peck a kiss on my cheek, then you turn and run towards the old caravan. You stop to wave at me at least three times before you finally disappear from view. That stuff really runs in the family.

I blink away some tears and step out into the oncoming dusk. Someone else is calling me home.

[mentalhealthmantra]

Mind Matters: 5 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health

Mental health is an important part of overall well-being, but it can be difficult to maintain. Fortunately, there are some simple daily habits that you can practice to help boost your mental health and keep yourself feeling good. Here are five daily habits that will make a positive difference in your life:

Exercise – Regular physical activity helps reduce stress and anxiety while increasing energy levels and improving moods. Try going for a walk or jog each day or doing yoga at home if the weather isn’t cooperating outside.

Also Read: OCD Treatment in Bhopal

Connect with Nature – Spending time outdoors in nature has been proven to improve mental clarity as well as reduce stress levels significantly; so take advantage of any opportunity you have during the day to get out into nature! Whether it’s just taking a few minutes for lunch outside on nice days or going for longer hikes on weekends, being surrounded by natural beauty will do wonders for your mindset!

Eat Healthy Foods – Eating healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins not only provides essential nutrients our bodies need but also helps us stay mentally alert throughout the day. Avoid processed foods when possible, which tend to contain higher amounts of unhealthy fats & sugars, which can lead towards low energy & poor concentration over time - both key factors needed when attempting tasks related directly with our mental health such as work/school assignments, etc.

Get Enough Sleep – A lack of sleep affects more than just how tired we feel; inadequate rest also impacts cognitive performance, including memory recall & decision-making capabilities - all important elements necessary when dealing with issues involving one's own personal well-being (such as seeking professional advice from Psychiatrists in Bhopal). Aiming towards 7-8 hours per night should provide enough restorative benefits required by most people's mindsets without having them become overly fatigued throughout their respective days either before/after they've gone through said activities.

Practice Mindfulness – Taking intentional breaks during the day allows us moments where we focus solely on ourselves rather than worrying about things beyond our control (i.e., work deadlines). During these times try practicing mindful breathing exercises such as mindfulness meditation, which has been scientifically shown numerous times now within research studies conducted worldwide due to its ability to strengthen neural pathways associated directly w/ emotional regulation amongst other aspects related specifically w/ increased self-awareness too.

Also Read: Depression Treatment in Bhopal

Practicing these five daily habits consistently is a sure way to give yourself a better chance of succeeding in whatever goals you set out to achieve, whether those involve improving your mental health or pursuing other personal objectives.

[incaensio]

it's easy to draw the parallels between herself and devyn, primrose and luke, and katniss struggles to keep her sentiments off of her face now more than ever. despite the hitch in the snake's perfect evening, she was furious to think of how his goal had been fulfilled, rendering her so miserable, in a place of such cruelty: hope for another family to be ruined so hers would stand (again, for a consecutive year on top of that). how many more rounds of this game can she stand? "i'm sorry." she means it, truly. nothing else feels right to say, however. i will look after your brother? how would she do that? it's not like communication between districts is very doable, nevermind how arrogant and insensitive that would be. your brother will be better soon even if you're dead? of course not. luke will feel that pain forever, if they're like herself and prim. katniss stifles a sigh and puts her almost empty glass down.

she was a bit surprised at how the other took upon her offer, but she wasn't sure if positively or negatively. yes, devyn seems like a nice person and she could be helpful, but even nice people turn into killers in the games to survive. and devyn has a good enough reason to do that. but so did hazelle. katniss can only hope that her tribute will understand and act on the instinct of self-preservation when time comes. "well, i don't know discord, but i understand he's from your district, so it's up to you. you'll see that sometimes things don't turn out as we expect in the arena." she tries to give devyn a smile, but she doesn't have the confidence it is convincing enough to charm the blonde. after all, the twists in katniss' games were unpredictable and not very good ones — the entire country suffered for it. "hazelle can keep you alive, and you her. she's good with that." granted, she's never seen gale's mother in the wilderness, nor has she heard of her accompanying her husband to hunting, but as a wife and mother of a hunter, and a miserable living in the seam, one learn things. 

at devyn's inquiry, katniss stays quiet for a moment, measuring what she could share. if devyn's intentions towards the alliance are true, it could be good to keep her looped in. and beetee is trustworthy. fuck's sake, does she hates gambling, yet here is another fucking thing these games make her do. "i've talked with district seven's mentor, johanna mason. and we're friendly with district eleven. it's nothing hard set — i ain't the one going into the arena, so it's your choice." she purses her lips lightly, giving room for the blonde to back out. "it is no career alliance. the opposite, in fact. an underdog alliance." the thought does make her lips twitch into a smile. how horribly funny it was to have outliner districts teaming up against trained killers — isn't it the opposite she should foster? and yet, here she is. "but we look out for our own where i come from."

You love him a lot. "Yeah, he's my little brother. He's all I've got left, as far as blood family goes." Devyn couldn't imagine what was going through Luke's head that whole time. Part of her was glad that he hadn't gotten the Lottery, to see her in person at the Capitol being all dolled up before the slaughter. But he would have been watching from home, from The Capitol's perspective, and that was where she was indecisive about which was worse. Because at least if he had been there, he would have seen her for who she was, who he knew her as. At least she could take a little bit of comfort in Katniss' words. The rules only changed that year because it was a Quarter Quell. Luke wouldn't be pulled into The Games like she had been.

"Yeah," she nodded, "I'm glad at least it was me and not him. He doesn't need that on top of everything else we've been through." But he also didn't need to lose his sister, either. But she promised him she would try to make it back home, and she was trying what she believed was her best. If it meant sweet talking with the very people they hated and mocked in secret, then so be it.

Her brows rose at the other's analogy. She liked firefly a lot better. "Or like a firefly," she agreed with a smile. Definitely made the lights on the dress more appealing than her own opinion of it. At least all of the spotlights and fancy get ups were done with. But tomorrow brought The Arena and the fight for survival, and that didn't ease much of Devyn's concerns at the moment, and she was almost done with her flute of champagne.

A small nudge at the idea of an alliance had Devyn's brows raise. Between Three and Twelve? Forging alliances wasn't unheard of in the Games, and it helped Tributes get far. Not to mention that one of the Tributes in Twelve was Katniss' aunt. As if she hadn't been through enough already after having been in The Games herself the year prior. Even then, that was to take the place of her little sister. Devyn gave a small nod, "Okay, sure, I can try and find them in there, see if we can team up or something. I can talk to Discord, too, see if he'd be up for an alliance, but we're not that close, so I can't promise he'd be for it." If Beetee would have thought it was a good idea, then Devyn was willing to give it a go. "Anyone else you've been considering for an alliance for Twelve?"

[hellreads]

i feel like this is such a taboo thing to talk about, and i’m genuinely curious and not shading anyone here, but how do you go about correcting fics with a lot of grammar/spelling or other writing mistakes? and letting the authors know about it? i read this fic with such a good plot but i couldn’t bring myself to finish it bc of the amount of improper spelling and grammar which made it confusing to read. ik someone will call me out for being unappreciative but i’m rlly just trying to help them

hello there love, I felt this one, I have read so many stories that have potential but I tend to just drop them because of the grammar/spelling/writing errors present in their story because it’s a little exhausting for my brain to correct everything for it to make sense but there are so many things to consider as to why such errors exist;

1.) we’re all just humans and we make mistakes, making a few is inevitable, I myself am not perfect, no one is, sometimes when we get so pumped up with inspiration we just type and type and type and look past any error, I’m not a writer so I don’t know any writing process one follows (also everyone has different styles and approach when it comes to writing and editing) some edit on their own and some have beta readers/editors so coming across fics with minimal to maximal errors is bound to happen.2.) we need to consider (and check their profiles or notes) that English must not be their first language, I once came across a very very promising story somewhere out there, the author explicitly stated and apologized for any mistakes because English isn’t her first language, I loved the story but eventually got frustrated and exhausted because I had to correct everything in my head (if you’re anal about fixing/correcting everything you’ll get me) It wasn’t her fault but if someone would help her she’d improve greatly, this applies to everyone, we just need someone who’s brave enough to send constructive criticism that will help us see our faults and room for improvement. (I haven’t checked her stories again, but hopefully, somebody is helping her or she’s studying the language to improve slowly but surely)~ now this is the tricky part I don’t think wanting to correct fics with errors is a basis to call someone unappreciative (well depending on how you approach the authors will dictate whether or not you’re being mean and unappreciative towards them and the pieces they hold dear to them) I know you mean well, it’s like a way of saying I love you and I want you to be better and I’m not being a grammar/spelling/writing police here but I have to that’s why I want to inform you that there are some mistakes on this chapter/line, etc. but then again we all have different personalities and some may take whatever you say lightly or some will get defensive that’s why some just let it go afraid to hurt or piss off the authors. If you really want to reach out and discuss your concerns with them I suggest:a.) before sending in an ask try to check their faq/about/profile/carrd page to see any info that might suggest or say that English isn’t their first language so you could construct a message that wouldn’t sound offending or anything (view some of their answered asks as well to get a feel on how they respond to people and certain topics so you know what to expect) or you could always direct message them if they allow messages from everyone;b.) re-assure them that you mean well, use gentle words because we all have a life to live and we don’t know their current disposition so always be kind with your words;c.) if they retaliate and don’t take your words well then that’s a sign to back-off, as much as I am an advocate for understanding and giving chances if they respond rudely or ignore it may only mean three things;1.) the story (if specific) you’re trying to discuss for possible grammar/spelling correction is probably written a long time ago and they have no intention of revisiting the story, they’re probably inactive too or maybe they have a future plan of remastering said piece.2.) they probably over-analyzed your request/advice, it may take some time for them to respond or just ignore you and correct stuff on their own. (I believe some get anxious whenever someone pays too much attention to every detail on their work, it’s overwhelming like wow somebody read my story but I might have disappointed them with my mistakes, I’ll fix it and do better moving forward)3.) they don’t care, as simple as that either you read their story as is or just drop it if you can’t handle any errors. (but I doubt there are ones like this? especially this concerns their writing because authors always listen to their readers as long as they’re not rude and have only the best intentions as a reader/supporter of their stories)d.) if they respond, try to point out as much as you can without being overbearing, some are still learning and are appreciative of people helping out to polish their pieces, if they don’t have a beta reader/editor and is looking for one you could also offer your help if you’re available or know anyone who is a pro or interested beta reader/editor, plus there are perks when helping them out, one, you gain a new friend, two, you get to hear them out before writing anything, your input matters, and you get to read their works in advance, three, their success is your own too (it’s like giving birth, you could be the doctor/midwife, depending on the amount of input and help you’ve provided)I guess that’s it (at least in my opinion), I think most authors are okay with constructive criticism because it means somebody wants to help them be better, somebody read their works or paid attention to their stories to see those areas where they could improve, somebody wants them to blossom into an amazing but humble author in this side of the fandom ~ my only wish is that when sending such criticism make sure you mean well and it’s for the best and not just simply attacking them instead of helping them be the better and improved version of themselves. and to the authors, if you feel like their request is a little overwhelming it’s okay to take time to respond instead of answering right away without fully understanding their intention but if they’re being rude, harassing you, and feeling entitled in any way, by all means, go fight them, they don’t deserve you and your works!anyways, I wish you the best in trying to help this author out, you are a lovely one for wanting them to be better, may we have more readers like you who’d go out of their way and help authors improve. | 🍒

[springatito-moved]

 Sapnap is exactly who Tommy needs right now, in more ways than one.

While it’s nice he knows there are people in Tommy’s corner (like Quackity and to a certain extent, Phil and Sam) it’s even better for him to have someone at his side and matching his pace. He needs someone who sees how strong he is without forcing everything onto his shoulders. Sapnap is the perfect person for this role.

It’s said multiple times, they teamed up and won against Dream before. They’ve been on opposite sides before and each view the other as a strong opponent and acknowledge each other’s individual PVP skills. This is good for their longterm goal, but there’s something even more important than just the fight. It’s how much Sapnap cares for Tommy as a person, and understands who he is beyond the battles.

The reason Sapnap checked on Tommy in the first place was because Tommy had been talking to himself in the house rather loudly and Sapnap was concerned. {32:28 - SAPNAP: “Dude I was just walking around and I heard you freaking out in here. What’s up with you?} This line partnered with his protectiveness of Tommy during the actual breakout really pushes the fact that he’s well aware of how much danger Tommy is currently in, even if he doesn’t know everything Dream did during exile.

When asked to take off his armor to prove Tommy could trust him, Sapnap didn’t hesitate. He took his armor off and kept his weapons away and stayed level-headed as tommy panicked and shouted. He listened to Tommy’s rambling story and assured him he wasn’t crazy and opened up about his own interaction with Dream in Snowchester.

34:00- SAPNAP: Tommy, Tommy chill. I believe you dude, okay? I saw Dream also, after he got out. I took his armor.

TOMMY: What happened? What- you did?

SAPNAP: I took his armor, you know his old armor he used to wear? I took em- I took his armor... he came to me.. he just tried to act like we were just friends again. (...) TOMMY: What did you do?

SAPNAP: I didn’t give it to him! I refused, Tommy. And you know what he did? He started threatening me.

Sapnap didn’t trust Dream’s “I’m gonna run off and hide away and not bother anyone” idea, and in the end he got to see Dream’s true intentions. He’s well aware of the threat Dream poses now, not just to Tommy but to the entire server.

Sapnap, still remaining under control and keeping Tommy relaxed, once again makes it clear he believes what Tommy is saying about Dream and that they’re on the same page.

Tommy recognizes he has a solid ally and uses plural terms when talking about Tubbo’s old house. Saying “our safehouse” and immediately opening up and entrusting someone else after realizing theyre on the same page. He even thanks Sapnap for believing him.

Sapnap sets a goal, telling Tommy about the vow he made to kill Dream. But he doesn’t push to include Tommy in that right away, he makes sure Tommy is up to the task before anything.

37:04- TOMMY: ...all this exile stuff I’m so nearly done with. I’ve got my hotel, it’s going great- *snaps* just like that. I’m fucking- it’s all gone.

SAPNAP: Look Tommy, even if you’re not up to it-

TOMMY: No Sapnap this isn’t just your- this is us alright? This is our mission.

SAPNAP: Alright, okay. I’m just making sure you’re up for it.

He’s assuring that he’ll go through with the plan no matter what but continues to make sure that mentally Tommy is prepared for what they’re going to be doing. They find their footing and Tommy’s in a clearer mindset to actually start planning things rather than just panic hiding in obsidian.

At this point Tommy is genuinely smiling, he feels safe and is gleefully reminiscing over the past. His demeanor has totally shifted from when he first went into the house.

Tommy doesn’t need people cheering for him from the sidelines or promising to be there when he asks, he needs someone who is going to be right at his side with no hesitation. At the end of the day, Sapnap is the best fit for that roll.

Sapnap already had his mind set on killing Dream. He’s not joining Tommy just because he feels obligated, but because they have a shared goal and strongly understand each other’s reasonings.

Sapnap grounds Tommy, and Tommy gives Sapnap a purpose. If Tommy is going to run head-first into danger he needs someone who won’t hold him back but will still check on him and make sure the plan is finished even if he has to step out. He needs as an ally like Sapnap now more than he ever has.

[desperate4dopamines]

More work rambles under cut

I also like the customers. Its fun to help them find exactly what they need, and get to know them. A lot of times they’re so appreciative and one time someone tried to tip me! I am not allowed to accept tips so I didn’t take it, but the gesture was appreciated.

I’m incentivised to sell big and sell a lot but I don’t need to. My belief is that it goes a long way to have customers trust ur not leading them certain directions bc of your own gain. Nothings more off putting than a salesman obviously trying to sell to you. so I operate more like “I’m here to help you to the best of my abilities and whatever happens, happens”

Only thing I go out of my way to push is one of the plans we offer. Its genuinely a good offer for what it includes. Especially for some items which I KNOW are more inclined to break.

So far this method has had me reach goal last period, and I’m on track to reach it this period as well! Many customers have really appreciated my help and that’s what makes the job extra enjoyable. I just like helping out where I can. I guess I’m an acts of service type person because I really like doing everything I need to make sure my customers (and coworkers) are happy.

Sometimes customers aren’t happy tho. So far I’ve been able to handle them well. Most of the time, I’m right there with them and make sure they know that. Even if they’re not that upset its usually something that should’ve never happened and so I want them to know that this minor mistake is absolutely not acceptable. Our big thing as a company is top notch service, and by golly I will give it to them.

This approach works very well when it’s something fixable, but sometimes it’s not.

Lately our issues have been bc a contractor we work with. Sometimes he’ll do work without telling us the cost. And we operate by taking the item, getting the cost estimate, and then telling the customer. From there they can accept the price (we do the work) or not (they pick up the item in the same condition it’s dropped off) so…. Fixing the item without telling us the cost is a BIG deal. Sometimes the work can be reversed, and thank god for that. but sometimes it really can’t be. And in that rare worst-case-scenario, the customer has to pay or we keep the item. Aka my nightmare.

To prevent this, I started organising the repairs by which need price quotes and which don’t. Somehow he still did work without informing us of the price. And believe me, I double and triple check that my piles are correct and very obvious. Even if I mess up tho, it’s still on him to make sure he does what he’s supposed to. I just wanna help prevent further issue- to err is to be human after all. Yet somehow, he still went ahead and did a very expensive repair. Thank god it was reversible. He tried to get us to offer the customer a lower price so he didn’t have to undo it… but he wasn’t gonna lower the cost of his work in tandem. So it would be us taking the loss on his mistake. My manager was not pleased with that arrangement (plus it would kinda incentivise him to do this more ngl. Hes a nice guy and I doubt he has bad intentions tho.)

On my first month here I had to call customers about picking up finished items. A customer asked me how much the repair cost (strange, they should’ve been told before work was done) so I told them cheerily that it’ll be $750. He was so taken back he had me say it again. Apparently he was quoted 150. Which, idk how considering how we do prices. There was no way someone could mess it up like that. You would think he would realise the price is wrong bc the work we did is obviously a lot more than that- but hey, mot everyone knows that kinda stuff.

We chalked it up to either mishearing over the phone, the guy wrote it down and his 7s look like 1s, or maybe he thought being upset could get him a lower price. Which it did, we lowered it to 500 for him but he was still upset of course. I personally choose to believe he wrote down the price and his 7s look like 1s. An honest mistake and a reason why we should have a written contract for the prices at least if they’re over a certain amount. I’m surprised we don’t already. All prices are done over our shitty phone that is older than I am.

Another (more recent) time we had an item come in. A wedding band. They wanted it engraved and the size changed. No problemo, very standard easy work that won’t take any time at all. When the item came in tho, it was polished. The style was a matte ring with polished sides. But it was ENTIRELY shiny. The customer was convinced we wanted to give them the wrong ring!!!! Like oh my god no. And of course my coworker handled it, the one coworker that I know probably didn’t exactly make the customers feel heard lol… she’s a great saleswoman, but could work on how she handles upset customers (or hand them to me so I can be mad with them)

So we send this ring back to be fixed… it comes back ALL MATTE. and ONLY THEN did we realise they messed up the engraving. Usually, if the metal stamp is in the way of the engraving, it’s flattened down and placed stamped somewhere else on the ring. On this ring, there’s THREE metal stamps, two of them are inside the engraving. What the hell. Usually this contractor does great work so what the HELL. One coworker says the ring is cursed and has bad energy. I can’t even disagree lol.

I hate the repairs part of the job because it’s so stressful. So much can go wrong and there’s not much that can be done to prevent it bc it’s out of my hands. I often hope we don’t get any repairs in at all. But Id never turn someone away or make them feel like an annoyance for having a repair tho. We 9/10 do great work and ppl appreciate it. Sometimes we can even go above and beyond and that’s the best feeling. like the time we fixed a guys heirloom for free! He didn’t emote much but he kept iterating how grateful he was and how much it meant to him :’) it was such a meaningful heirloom to him and I got to know the whole history of it so being able to get that fixed for free??? Priceless.

We offer quite a few free services and quite a few are tedious and annoying. Like I’ve mentioned cleaning silver, that’s something we can do for free, and it’ll likely be done by me bc it’s fun! We also get (usually older) ppl coming in for us to detangle chains for them. We don’t offer or advertise this service, but we do it because why not. I find it very relaxing, so, like silver, it’s become a thing my coworkers go to me for. And I’m all for it!!! Bring it on. The more tangled, the better.

But I only like it when the customer leaves it with us to pick up in some hours/days. I’ve had customers who just sit and watch and that’s nerve wracking lol. Everyone who’s done that was lovely, but it’s hard to find any task relaxing when you’re being watched.

Anyways this concludes work rambles.

Tldr: I like my job. I like helping people. Sometimes stressful shit happens. I like doing tasks others find annoying.

working on (partial) commission is kinda fun. I have a sales goal so everyday I check where I’m at within it and the number goes UP!!! Then I’m like wrow I’m winning points at my job and if I get enough points I get highlight on the chart (and an extra percentage of commission)

[samwisethewitch]

Working with Spirits

In my last post, I talked about different types of spirits that witches may work with. Today, we’re going to discuss how to approach spirits and establish a working relationship.

Keep in mind that these are general guidelines, and every spirit is different. I encourage you to do your own research beyond this post, especially if you plan to work with powerful entities like deities, angels, or fairies.

Remember the Four R’s

It’s important to keep these things in mind when working with spirits:

Respect. The spirits are powerful, and you need to have a healthy respect for that power when working with them. It’s also important to respect them as individual, autonomous beings.

I’m not saying that every interaction you have with the spirits needs to be a full blown ritual with incense and chanting. (In fact, some spirits don’t care for those types of rituals.) But every interaction you have with them should be conducted with an air of respect and reverence.

What this mostly boils down to is good manners. Being polite will get you better results — and it will also keep you from being on the receiving end of spirit mischief. Proper etiquette depends on the type of spirit you’re working with, which is one reason it’s important to do your research. In general, it’s polite to make an offering, use respectful language, and thank the spirits before you leave (unless you’re dealing with fairies — some traditions say you should never thank the fae).

Respecting spirits also means respecting their desires — even if that means respecting their wish not to work with you. Not every spirit you reach out to will want to form a relationship with you, just like not every person you meet in your life will want to be your friend. When a spirit turns you down, respect their decision, politely bid them farewell, and move on.

Reciprocity. The goal of spirit work is to establish a mutually-beneficial partnership — not for one partner to serve the other. On one hand, this means that you can’t just command spirits to do your bidding without giving anything in return. On the other hand, it also means that you won’t be worshiping/honoring them without receiving some kind of boon.

This is why it’s important to make offerings to the spirits you work with. These offerings “feed” the spirits by giving them power, and a good offering will likely make a spirit more willing to work with you. Offerings are not payment for favors from spirits (it’s not quite that simple), but they are a sign that you intent to practice reciprocity in your relationship.

In general, it’s important to make an offering when you first introduce yourself to a spirit and again before you ask them for anything. But you shouldn’t only make offerings when you’re about to ask for something! How would you feel if you had a friend who only did nice things for you when they were about to ask for a favor? You’d probably start avoiding them, right? You might even get angry. To avoid this kind of dynamic in your spirit work, make regular offerings to the spirits you work with. If you’re especially close with a spirit, you may want to offer to them every day.

Relationship. The spirits are not vending machines where you put offerings in and blessings fall out. They are living, sentient beings with feelings, and deserve to be treated as such. Your relationship with the spirits you choose to work with is just that: a relationship. And like any relationship, it requires time, energy, and emotional labor.

If that sounds like more effort than you want to make, there are plenty of ways to do magic without ever working with spirits. You don’t need to do spirit work to be a witch. It may not be your thing, and that’s okay!

But if you choose to work with spirits, it’s important to remember that you are working with them as an equal partner — you’re not their boss, and they are not obligated to like you, help you, or even tolerate you. Relationships with spirits are built over time, through mutual respect and trust.

You wouldn’t drive up to your friend’s house, throw a fast-food burger at them, and then demand a special favor. Likewise, you shouldn’t just dump an offering on your altar and demand something of the spirits. Take the time to sit down with them. Talk to them. Get to know them. Put some thought into your offerings, instead of just offering the same thing every time. Spirit work is, at its core, about building an authentic relationship with the spirits we choose to include in our practice. Enjoy it.

Research. When it comes to spirits, it’s important to know exactly who (and what) you’re dealing with. As previously mentioned, the etiquette for dealing with fairies is very different from other land spirits. Different deities have different standards for their worshipers, which vary from one pantheon to the next. The way you interact with your ancestors will probably be shaped by their personalities, cultures, and values. All this is to say it’s important to know who you’re reaching out to, preferably before you reach out to them.

With deities, this is easy. Most witches who choose to work with deities will feel drawn to a certain pantheon, or even a specific god or goddess. There’s a lot of information out there about most historical pantheons, so researching them is easy. The same goes for angels, saints, demons, and even fairies.

It can be a little more difficult to do your research when you’re dealing with land spirits, spirits of place, or other less well-known figures. In these cases, it’s best to take three steps: 1.) figure out what type of spirit you’re dealing with (land spirit, animal spirit, ancestor, etc.), 2.) find out what this type of spirit is like generally, and 3.) find out how that applies to your specific spirit.

For example: you want to connect with your local land spirits. You do some research to find out how land spirits have been treated in various cultures — you find out that they’re typically benevolent, are closely tied to the natural landscape, and were often given food offerings. Then, you do some research into your local plants and animals — what form might a nature spirit take in your local environment? Would it be a huge moose with snow-covered antlers, or a magnolia tree in full bloom? Is there any local folklore in your area that could be describing a land spirit? Once you have answers to these questions, you’ll have a much better idea of how to approach the spirits and start up a relationship.

Initiating a Relationship with a Spirit

Begin by identifying who this spirit is. For example, let’s say you choose to reach out to a specific ancestor spirit — maybe a deceased grandparent. Make sure you’re familiar with the etiquette for interacting with this type of spirit so you don’t accidentally do something disrespectful. (If your Grandma hated cussing, try not to drop any f-bombs while communing with her.)

Create a special space to communicate with the spirit. This can be as simple as lighting a candle or as elaborate as setting up a special altar. If you’re reaching out to a grandparent, you might set up a small ritual space with a photo of them, any of their belongings that you have access to, and some things that they enjoyed while they were alive. These items may make the connection easier, but you don’t need them to communicate. What matters is that you’ve taken the time to create a special space for this moment. (Like all ritual spaces, it should be clean and tidy, and it’s a good idea to do an energetic cleanse beforehand.)

Make an offering. Make sure your offering is appropriate for the spirit you’re connecting to. Offerings should be made with an air of reverence — don’t just toss a bag of Doritos on your altar and expect it to be well-received.

Introduce yourself. Speak out loud. State your intention and who you are hoping to connect with.

Wait and listen. You may feel a presence or receive some kind of sign — or you may not. Just because you didn’t get a sign doesn’t mean that your offering wasn’t noticed or that you’re being ignored. You may also receive a sign several hours, days, or weeks after you first reach out. Be patient.

Say your farewells. Express your gratitude for the spirit’s presence, and let them know that you are ending your little ritual. It’s up to you whether to invite them to stick around or politely tell them to leave, but if you’re going to give a spirit permission to linger in your home you better be 1000% sure you know who they are and what their intentions with you are.

Moving Forward

As you work with this spirit, it is important to establish clear boundaries for the relationship. Be clear about what you want to accomplish by working with them, and make sure you understand what they expect from you in return.

You might want to establish a time limit: for example, maybe you’re choosing to work closely with the goddess Brigid from Imbolc to Samhain, at which point you can choose to continue the relationship or to take a step back. Or, you may choose to work with a spirit on a specific task — for example, working with the goddess Aphrodite to get back on your feet and rebuild your self esteem after a breakup. Once this task is accomplished, you may choose to form a more long-term relationship or to take a step back.

Forming a permanent or long-term working relationship with a spirit is a very big, very serious commitment, and should not be taken lightly. This goes double for anything involving a ritual commitment, such as dedication to a deity. When you make these commitments, you are choosing to make a spirit and their energy a permanent part of your life. This decision requires some very serious introspection and consideration, and should not be made impulsively.

Resources:

Southern Cunning: Folkloric Witchcraft in the American South by Aaron Oberon

A Practical Heathen’s Guide to Asatru by Patricia M. Lafayllve

Where the Hawthorn Grows and The Morrigan: Meeting the Great Queens by Morgan Daimler

Wicca for Beginners by Thea Sabin

Azrael Loves Chocolate, Michael’s A Jock: An Insider’s Guide to What Your Angels Are Really Like and The Angel Code by Chantel Lysette

New World Witchery podcast (several episodes, including “Episode 164 — Irish Folklore and Magic,” “Episode 161 — Practicing Safe Hex,” and “Episode 152 — Honoring Ancestors”)

[wornoutmouse]

Ayo... DOM! Deku with a choking and overstim kink. Like the baku AND DekuSquad both thinks that the reader leads the relationship and is top in bed cuz the difference in personalities and PDA. But the reader just goes along with it cuz she knows that it’s the exact opposite and she wanna get fucked fucked. So in the end the next school day they see the reader limping to school and Deku smiling cheeky. Bro Deku makes me😩 May you do a request to that? It’s ok if you won’t 😊

Question of the Day: What nicknames do y'all find not cringy during a steamy moment?

Cursing, squirting

It wasn’t your fault that people viewed you as the one in charge when it came to the sexual side of you and Izuku’s relationship. You were naturally more energetic and rivaled Bakugou in the terms of attitude and prowess, meanwhile, Deku was one of softer energy. Always smiling awkwardly and blushing at every little joke and jab. Very few people have seen Deku in his prime when he is focused on a goal and will do anything to get there. This attitude graciously carried over to his love life, something you were faithfully reminded of on one faithful day.

As usual, You, and the usual majority of class 1-A sat around each other during lunch. Deku being the nerd he was, sat leaning against you while writing something in his notebook, dusting it every so often when the wind blew flowers off the tree above you. An ethical argument between Mineta and Denki is what started the whole ordeal.

“What do you mean, Mineta?! Deku is totally the submissive one in his and Y/n’s relationship, no doubt about it!” Mineta shook his head adamantly. “I’m telling you, dude, it’s the super nice ones you have to worry about.” Denki gasped, offended, “I can’t believe you are saying this right now, have you no shame!”

Jirou rolled her eyes as she had no choice but to listen to the boy’s stupid conversation. “You do know Y/n is sitting right here right?” Based on the wide look on both of their eyes, they did not in fact realize that. Quickly looking at each other with narrowed features they dig in their pockets in order to retrieve their wallets. “20 bucks that say Y/n is topping Deku.” Mineta scoffed, “40 says you’re wrong.” they both shake on it before scooting closer to you. “So Y/n, which one of us is right.”

Looking between the two boys you open your mouth to answer the truth until you feel Deku shift his weight. He was looking at you, everyone was looking at you, all eager to hear who was right. A hand placed subtly on your back makes your smile widen, for a different reason than everyone else would guess. “Well, I can’t exactly say Denki is wrong, but I can’t say that he’s right.”

The blond whines in annoyance, “Oh come on what does that even mean!?!” While his attention is distracted, Mineta snatches the money from his hands, “That means you’re wrong now pay up.” Denki snaps out of his stupor in order to chase after his smaller classmate, “No the hell it doesn’t!” Now, with everyone’s attention being distracted to the slapstick comedy the two ensue, you realize that the hand you previously felt is gone. Deku is back to scribbling away in his notebook, giving you a false sense of relief.

“Man, Snipe is so aggressive when it comes to history!” Kirishima slouches in his chair knocking Bakugou’s hand as he eats out of a Yogurt cup. “Watch it shitty hair!” is the usual response, as the class congregates together. Asui calls you over to show you something but Deku steps in front of you before you fully stand. “Y/n since we have free time right now, I was hoping you could come and help me with something real quick.” He scratched the back of his head and looked over your head.

On the outside, it was just Deku being shy Deku, nothing suspicious about the ever-present blush he always sported was in full bloom. But from your point of view, it was obvious there was a different intent behind those eyes. “We’ll be back guys.” Deku mutters a hand settled comfortably on your waist as you walk out the door. From the corner of your eye, you could see Jirou watching the two of you leave with an eyebrow raised.

Deku guided you down the school halls, thumb rubbing shapes into your side. He said nothing as you walked, only waving and making small conversation with any familiar face you two passed by. After a long time, you two reach an unfamiliar classroom that Deku curiously peeks inside of. “So what are we doing?” “You’ll see.” Deku ushers the two of you inside before closing and locking the door shut. The mood seems to shift almost immediately.

Deku has a lazy smile on his face as he tugs on his school tie, “So what was that conversation you and Kaminari were having earlier?” Your arms tingle with goosebumps, “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” While Izuku talked, his uniform coat is placed neatly on a nearby desk table, the sleeve of his collared shirt was rolled up and out of the way. “Yeah, I figured you would say that, that’s why I wrote it down to help refresh your memory.”

Deku sits down on a desk, motioning you over to him with a twitch of his fingers. A small notebook you hadn’t noticed till now was pulled from his back pocket before being flipped through. When you stood in front of him, his hand resumed its place on your waist so he could pull you much closer. “According to my notes, Kaminari and Mineta were debating on who was in charge of our relationship.” The more he spoke, the more aware you became of his fingers tapping randomly on your back, each touch tickled your spine, “And in response, you encouraged Kaminari’s theory that you were the one in charge.” Deku snapped the notebook closed with one hand before placing it on the other side of your waist forcing you to face him. “Is that right?”

You are silent when Deku’s scarred hands undo your shirt buttons from the bottom up. “I just thought it was interesting that your answer was different from what my memory recalls.” Izuku sucks in a breath when he sees your black lace bra. The fabric covering your chest conveniently hid the faded hickeys he knew he left 3 weeks ago. “Take this off for me?” The soft tone took you off guard making you pause confused as Deku gently tugged off your shirt and tie. He stands up folding your clothes as you fiddle with your bra straps. “I’m done?” You turn around to hand him your bra but squeak out in surprise when his hand grips your neck.

He keeps his hand there as he backs you up, forcing you to sit on the desk he was previously on. “I’m curious….” Deku trails off in his speech, using the time to kiss you deeply, hand never leaving your neck. “Since you are always the one in charge, I figure that maybe I should finally put in the work and make you feel good?” Deku pulls the chair from underneath the desk and sits down, legs spread. “Well, what are you waiting for, come here?” Your stomach flips as you slide off the table, the stale cool air of the classroom makes your skin prickle with goosebumps as Deku faces you the opposite way in order for you to sit comfortably in his lap.

“Deku what if we get caught?” You nervously glance at the classroom door, the lack of a peeking window putting you somewhat at ease. You were the only one exposed and if someone were to come through that door, they would see your half-naked body in all its glory. A hovering hand grabs the ends of your faux locs to pull your head back so he could whisper in your ear. “I’m sure they’ll understand that I’m just trying to pay you back for all my laziness.”

You bite your lips coyly. He was annoyed, you could definitely hear it now from his sarcastic remarks. But that didn’t make you regret your earlier choice, not one bit, and Deku knew that. The real excitement came from seeing how long it would last.

The gentleness returned when he grabbed your chest, massaging and pulling at them for his own enjoyment before releasing them in order to slide down your stomach. As expected he pinches the skin hard between his fingers and then releases before you even have enough time to complain.

“Just relax okay?” Deku places each of your thighs atop of his, successfully spreading your legs apart. You suppressed laughter whenever his fingers grazed your skin just lightly enough that it tickled, there was no need to give him a reason to be more upset. “Wearing briefs again today?”

Your pussy is palmed without restriction as deft fingers rub at the soft cotton protecting it. “Now how am I supposed to get to you now huh?” You knew the unspoken answer, and Deku knew you hated it as he clenched his fingers into the fabric until it ripped, “Oops.” You shook your head pouting at the unfair treatment, “Why do you always have to do that, now I have to be extra careful of my skirt!”

Strike one was raising your voice.

The touch was quick but still ever so stinging. Deku slapped your pussy in response before using his other hand to hold your neck, firmly tipping it up to the ceiling. “If you would have stopped wearing underwear entirely we wouldn’t be having this conversation, you know I like easy access.” The lack of visible reaction meant nothing since you could almost feel the blood rushed to your face. Deku kisses your neck determined to add marks that you could never hide. Your dark skin peppered with purple bruises while Izuku simultaneously rolled your skirt up to your waist.

You were already wet, the small nibbles here and there were enough for your clit to twitch excitedly as Izuku’s fingers danced around it. “Please touch me!” A warm chuckle vibrated from his chest at your desperate plea, “Calm down and relax Princess. I’ll get you where you need to be.” Deku continues to ignore your clit. His fingers, ever precise, slide between your folds in order to collect your arousal. The feeling adds some pleasure but only enough to make you more desperate. “Look at you.”

Deku observed your hips buck every whenever he got close to your clit. The small nerve swelling with blood and begging to be touched, and who would he be to deny that. It was heaven on earth when he finally put pressure on it. “Mhm!” His fingers combined with your wetness as extra lubrication provided the most pleasurable feeling. You wanted to clamp your legs shut and trap him there, but his much thicker thighs kept you wide open and on display.

Deku was never one to do anything half-assed, so while his fingers flicked and pulled at your clit, his other hand got to work. However, your twitching made you clench down whenever his finger barely pushed inside, “You gotta calm down baby, how else am I going to make you cum?” Soft soothing words made you just enough for him to push his index finger inside. Your cunt was tight, warm, and irresistible. The steady pump of his fingers has you closing your eyes as you relax against him like jelly.

Deku knew your pussy like the back of his hand at this point, every ripple, nook, and cranny he knew how to touch in order to make your toes curl. He adds another finger to the mixture, then another, and a fourth one until you are gushing around his digits and onto the floor. You were a slutty mess and no intelligible words could leave your mouth but “please” and “thank you”.

And while exhibitionism was one thing he had no problem with, Deku respected the fact that you would probably not be too keen to it. “You’re being too loud puppy.” Deku retracts his hand in favor of shoving his fingers in your mouth. You could taste yourself as he pushed them in further, rubbing it along your tongue as drool rolled down his forearm.

The sound of his finger fucking your pussy was wet and sticky, It took a large effort on his part to hold you against him every time your back arched away. “I’m cumming!” Your stomach contorted beautifully against his estranged wrist. “There you go.” Izuku kissed on the shell of your ear as you adjusted past your orgasms. “Are you done?”

You turn your head to kiss him, “Yeah..” He nodded, patting your cheek, “That’s good.” Izuku helps you stand up, helping you when you wobbled ever so slightly. You look at him unsure of the constant smile adorning his face, “Now what?” Izuku slouched a little bit more, “Now you get on your knees of course!”

You only have a moment to ponder what he said before a hand on your shoulder is forcing you down to your knees. It was quick enough for you not to feel the pain of your knees slamming down, but not quick enough to see the smirk crossing your initially sweet lover.

He was already hard as a rock when you pulled him out, cockhead with a steady stream of pre coming out the tip. You admired it with a small kitten lick around the edge, pleased when it bobs from your ministrations. “You are taking too long now put it in your fucking mouth.” Your head is pressed down less than gracefully and you are forced to open your mouth less his dick be smeared against your face.

Your mouth spreads as best it could while Deku sheathed all the way down to the base. He pulls out once again as if testing the waters before letting you up for a quick breath. “For someone in charge, you aren’t very good at this.” Deku uses a patronizing finger to wipe stray saliva off your chin before gripping your chin. “Maybe this will help you learn.” Using one hand Deku uses his cock to tap your mouth expectantly. Your mouth opens on reflex and his cock is pushed back in. Deku sighs with satisfaction, “Fuck, your mouth has always been good for this.” The tempo isn’t as bruising as it was in the beginning but it was still harsh.

Tears collected in your eyes ruining the mascara Momo had put on your eyes. Your throat burned from the constant friction and lack of air. “You hear that? This was what you should have said when they had asked you who was in charge.” Deku looked at you, his curly green hair covering his eyes as shook from his arm movement. “Look at those pretty lips.” Deku flinched after you swiped your tongue on the underside of his cock.

His voice sped up in the momentum and pitched in tone, “Y-You tryna make me cum fast huh!?” You bobbed your head faster despite the tight grip on your scalp trying to pull you away, “F-Fuck Y/n stop it!” Izuku’s voice caved and his hips jerked against your chin as he emptied his balls. You wipe your face with a large grin, brown eyes daring green ones. Izuku laughed, “You wanted this huh?” You don’t respond, skin tingling in the thought of what would come next. Deku stared at you, hands gripping his knees as his dick continued to spurt cum. “Fine.”

Deku stands up before dropping to his knees in front of you. Your calves are grabbed and raised until they are placed on his left shoulder. He slides inside of you with little to no resistance and you both groan at the intrusion. “I try to be nice to you.” Your neck is grabbed again with much familiarity, “But you always test my patience.” Deku leans over you to make sure you are listening. His eyes were a light green as sunlight cast itself inside of the classroom. The sound of your hips meeting is sloppy but neither of you are bothered by it.

You moaned as his abdomen rubbed against your clit the faster he went. “Deku!” Your voice is ragged and you’re practically wheezing at this point from the tight grip he has on every inch of your body. “Shut up.” He releases your neck and spreads your legs apart resting each on its respective shoulder. With entranced eyes Izuku watches you suck him in, sneering at how unintentionally greedy you were. The sound of spit startles you as it hits Deku’s cock before being pushed inside you.

You spasm at a particularly hard thrust, you didn’t know what it hit but your spine lit to flames each time it was grazed. “D-Deku!” You reach a hand out near any piece of skin you could reach, switching from his hands to his stomach. It was too much, the feeling of pleasure made it damn near impossible to think. Deku didn’t want you to think. Every time you seemed to think, you always caused him trouble. “I told you to be quiet.” Your mouth is covered almost completely by his hand only giving you the grace of air between his index and middle finger. You cum and you cum hard, so hard that Deku slips out and almost slips into your opposite hole.

Your leg is dragged back and Deku enters you again, this time only focused on himself. You feel him piston in and out of your cunt grunting obscenities as he closed his eyes with bliss. “Come on, I want one more like that. I need you to break for me.” In the distance, you hear the hour bell ring and the sound of students leaving their classroom. You have no energy to warn Deku, not that it would have mattered. Based on the pleasured look on his face and the heightened sound of his whines, the idea of getting caught only made him feel better. “I’m gonna, o-h fuck I’m gonna fucking cum.”

You let out a scream when a thumb finds your clit and your weak hands could do nothing to keep him from forcing another orgasm from you. “Don’t fucking run from it, cum for me puppy, oh god!” He covers your mouth to stifle your noises and that’s when the sensation begins.

The sensation is strange, it starts in your lungs like air before trickling down to your loins. The feeling of holding it back is painful but you still do it for only a moment of sanity. When it releases, it gushes like a waterfall, and for a moment you wonder if you had peed. When Deku feels it, he too is unable to hold back and finally cums inside of you with a reserved grunt when he realizes the danger of discovery.

Wasting no time and feeling no fatigue, Deku moves fast to find his own pants and shirt taking barely any time to pull your skirt down before giving you 4 minutes tops to learn how to breathe again. “Stand up.” You huff as you prop yourself up on your elbow, “You could at least help a girl out after fucking me an inch of my life.” Deku shrugs, “Logically speaking you did this to yourself.” “Logically speaking I should shove my foot up your ass.”

On the way back to class, Deku took pleasure in watching you walk bowlegged. You of course didn’t share the sediment as you did your best to hold in any cum Deku graciously left behind. He opens the door for you and you walk in doing your best to walk right but the limp was clear and true. Bakugou looked bored, the rest had blushes on their faces as you struggled to sit down properly. Denki, of course, was heartbroken as he handed Mineta back his part of the bet. “I told you, dude, it’s always the silent ones.”

From the back of the class, Asui and Jirou shoot each other an impressed look as they eyes the dark lovebites traveling below your shirt collar.

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s half Demon, and they look AWFULLY familiar...

‘Kay guys, I got a different kind of stupid Headcanon to throw at you. Get ready!

Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

*ahem* picture if you will, it’s the day the exchange program is set to start. The student council (nix Mr. Kill All Humans, Weeb-supreme, and our Scummy Sweetheart) have assembled to welcome the new human student. All is going according to schedule, the portal opens up at eight am sharp, they hear the pitiful screams of the selected human who was not given a heads up about the whole thing, and the poor little human falls straight onto the marble floor.

There’s something a tad... off about this human don’t you think? After they’ve peeled their sorry ass off the floor they observed the assembled student council with an air of sophistication and self importance that no one expected. Their posture was perfect, their eyes sharp and calculating... they bared a striking resemblance to-

“Lucifer,” Diavolo looked to his right hand man, then back to the human. “The human kind of looks like you!”

And out popped four pitch black wings from the human’s back and two small horns out of the sides of their head, one horn was a bit bigger than the other. They even still had some of their down feathers! How cute!

((Content warning: Swearing (I have a potty mouth, forgive me), but that’s it.))

Luci-dad

So, the MC is Lucifer’s kid! Of course Mr. Prideypants immediately tries to recall exactly what little romp in the human world uh... spawned this half-human half-demon child of his. Good thing MC’s got the other parent on speed-dial.

“Please note, MC,” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose upon hearing Asmo take even more pictures of his newly discovered hellspawn. “I was not aware of your existence, if I was I’d-”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset.”

Lucifer blinked a few times in surprise. “P...pardon? You aren’t upset?”

“No, my parent told me that my father was a high ranking demon, and they bare no ill will against you. Though, I am looking forward to this whole... exchange program thing.”

Oh wow, that was easier than Lucifer thought. Damn. Well, he was a father... (let’s be real, he’s been parenting his brothers for thousands of years, and a good chunk of you sinners call him daddy)

MC is probably the most protected student at RAD, despite the fact that they have no visible security detail whatsoever. They didn’t want to be seen as... weak and pathetic.

Something about this human just... set the lesser demons on edge. Any talk of eating them was stamped out on the first day when they walked by. It’s like Lucifer himself was staring at them, daring the demons to try and bother the human. MC’s powerful presence kept them protected and feared.

...at least until dear uncle Asmo decided to do their hair one morning. All those ribbons may have looked adorable but they kind of ruined the intimidation factor.

MC loved to mess with the other students, keeping their lineage a secret for the first little while just made it so much funnier when the other demons tried to scramble out of MC’s way without looking like they were running from the ‘weak little human exchange student’.

Oh wow, what a sadist. Like father like child

Flying lessons are a must. Poor MC isn’t terribly good at controlling their wings, and their horns are still growing in so when they pop into their demon form the first thing they get is a sore skull. Ow... it sucks that Lucifer isn’t outwardly very sympathetic.

“Ow!” MC crashed face first into the grass in the backyard of the House of Lamentation. “Father! My wings are cramping! Can’t we practice this tomorrow?”

The sight of seeing his dear child crash face first into the ground had lost its hilarity after the first three times. Lucifer slowly lowered himself to the ground and crossed his arms as he stood over his incredibly grass-stained kid.

“MC, we’ve been ‘practicing this tomorrow’ for the past month. If you want to learn to fly you’re going to have to actually manage to stay in the air for more than three minutes.”

MC shot Lucifer a withering glare that only preteens were capable of, Lucifer matched it with his own much more sophisticated glare.

“You’ve been flying for over a thousand years! Don’t you have any tips that can actually help other than ‘don’t panic, you’ll look ridiculous’?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face and looked around, the two were alone as far as he could see.

“MC,” Lucifer began. “When I was a young angel, I needed to learn how to fly with someone else.”

MC perked up. “Who?”

“Michael. The smug bastard picked up flying quicker than I did.”

“What’d you do?!”

Lucifer smiled at his child’s intense investment. “I practiced flying every day for five extra hours until I could do everything that Michael could do, just better.”

MC’s starry eyed interest died almost instantly upon hearing about the extra five hours of practice. “Humph, I bet I could outfly younger you and Michael with only two hours of practice a day.”

“Really now?”

“Yes! Watch!” MC shook off their wings and took off in a running start before shakily making it into the air. Their form was decent enough, and they weren’t shaking as much as the previous attempts. “SEE?!”

“Yes MC,” Lucifer smiled. “I can see.”

You know what else Lucifer could see? MC crashing right into a tree.

“Ouch...”

Okay... maybe they could halt practice a little early and order a treat from Madame Scream’s. A little sugar to refuel is needed when the end goal is crushing a mutual rival beneath their heels. Just some good old fashioned father/child bonding time!

MC has a smaller seat right next to Lucifer’s seat in the Assembly Hall. I will not compromise on this one.

For all your fluff needs, I give you: Lucifer teaching MC how to play the piano. He has a proud little smile on his face when his kid finally starts getting it. That’s all. Enjoy the image.

That one Uncle who gives you Alcohol at Family Gatherings (Mammon)

Yeah, when Mammon burst in late to the party and whining about everyone’s spamming him with texts to haul his scummy ass to the Assembly Hall, the last thing he expected was to see a mini-Lucifer.

“What the fuck am I lookin’ at?!”

The glare the two Lucifers gave the poor Avatar of Greed was enough to make him want to turn tail (uh, wing) and book it down the hall.

“Mammon, this is MC. They’re my child.”

“Hello.”

“...whaaaa..?” Mammon looked between the two, same glare, same intimidating aura, same annoyingly good posture.

Mammon scratched the back of his neck and looked over at his older brother. “Do I uh... still gotta babysit em’ if they’re not human?”

“The lake of Cocytus will melt the day I let you babysit without supervision.” Lucifer grumbled.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

Despite Lucifer’s initial denial, Mammon and MC ended up spending a lot of time hanging out when Lucifer was busy with paperwork. Of course Mammon’s first thought was ‘how do I profit off this situation?’

MC is now Mammon’s designated babysitter after they caught him picking up their feathers that had fallen off with the intention of painting them white and claiming they were Lucifer’s from back in the Celestial Realm.

Mammon does end up spoiling MC a little. Just a smidge. They’re the kid of his totally not his favourite brother after all! How could he not? Whether or not these gifts are obtained legally or are legal at all is subject to scrutiny.

“Mammon, I can’t drink this!” MC placed the bottle of Demonus back on the counter of the kitchen.

“Why not? That’s a bottle of the good stuff! We gotta celebrate you gettin’ an A on that test somehow!”

“I’m underage! Incredibly underage. I’m not legally allowed to drink.”

Mammon wordlessly plopped a silly straw into the bottle. “...does that help?”

“No.” MC then inclined their head to the bottle. “And I don’t want to get hung from the ceiling, that bottle was in my father’s study yesterday, I’m above theft.”

“How old are you s’posed to be anyway? Never mind... uh...” Mammon wracked his brain for something else he could do for MC that didn’t cost anything (don’t judge him, the poor bastard was flat broke!). “I could... teach you to drive!”

“Driving?”

“Yeah! Drivin’ is awesome! We can take my car!”

The bills for the damages done to the car and the Devildom were mailed to Lucifer the next day, and MC and Mammon got to keep each other company as they hung from the ceiling. Ah well! At least MC wasn’t upside down!

Mammon wasn’t that good of a flight teacher either, he also crashed into a tree (the same tree MC crashed into, actually) when he was cheering for MC. They were finally able to do a loopdy loop! He was proud and distracted! Okay?! Lucifer! Stop smirkin’ at him! It’s not that funny!

At least the vantage point from the tree was decent and the branches didn’t scratch him up too badly. Oh hey... that person walking by was wearing a very nice watch... he’d be right back-

That Uncle That is Always Absent From Family Gatherings and When He is Present He Leaves Early (Levi)

He missed everything. That is not an exaggeration. He was in the middle of an online raid battle and couldn’t look at his phone! No Lucifer he can’t pause an online game! That’s not how it works!

Okay, the human exchange student is half demon? WOAH! THAT’S JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME- W A I T. THE LITTLE NORMIE IS LUCIFER’S KID?!

Okie doke, he was fully convinced that MC just had to be an anime protagonist.

They binged every series that Levi compared them to. Sure MC might have missed a few assignments because of late night anime binges, but they were too good for this school crap anyway, right?

Nope. Lucifer put a ban on the two watching anime until both their grades improved. Surviving that hell brought the two together.

“Ugh!”

The sound of a pencil case being haphazardly thrown across the room made Levi peek out of his bed-tub. If his figurines got knocked over so HELP HIM-

“This is stupid!!I shouldn’t have to catch up with this!” MC crossed their arms and gave their Demonology textbook their best disapproving glare.

Lucifer Lite (tm) was having a hell of a time trying to claw through their missed work, and Levi sympathized, he really did, it’s just... he was playing Animal Crossing-

Levi paused the game to placate his anime-buddy when their wings popped out and he feared for his rare merch’s safety.

“H-hey, MC? Do you need help?” Levi’s offer was met with a bone chilling glare that lived rent free in his nightmares ever since. He had pulled a Mammon and forgotten he was talking to Lucifer’s child. Lucifer’s allergy to help must have passed down to MC.

“No! I don’t! It’s just... dumb!” MC hissed, she turned and looked over at the fish tank. “Right Henry 2.0?”

Henry 2.0 did not respond.

“MC, you need to finish your homework or we can’t watch anything together,” Levi sighed, he had finished his work over an hour earlier. He had mastered the art of all night anime binges and managing to do most of his work in the fifteen minutes between the time he woke up and the time school was supposed to begin. “We haven’t even binged all of volume 4 of TSL yet!”

“Mmm...” MC grumbled. “Fine...”

MC picked up their pencil case and began continued their work. Levi breathed a sigh of relief and went back to Animal Crossing.

The tiny normie did in fact finish their work, only after they caved and asked Levi for help. Swore him to secrecy, they did... very intimidating, they were.

Just saying, he most definitely sent that one Keanu Reeves meme with big Keanu and little Keanu but with Lucifer and MC to the wrong group chat. Poor bastard.

Flying lessons? No. Levi hadn’t flown since his time in the Celestial Realm, he had no advice to give other than: “Flap your wings!”

“THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING YOU-”

MC didn’t get to finish that thought, they lost their balance and fell right into RAD’s fountain. Ah well, Levi had a head start on running for his life that he squandered by laughing at MC. RIP.

The Uncle/brother/whatever the fuck that Starts a Fight With Your Dad at the Family Reunion. (Satan)

Oh... another Lucifer? Eugh. Gross.

Satan gave the kid a wide berth when they first met. Everything the kid said or did ticked him off. “Tsk. Look at MC. Making an omelette. So annoying.” “Oh wow, MC vacuumed? Roll out the red carpet, we need to celebrate their existence!” “Look at them. Breathing. Disgusting.”

MC’s pride wouldn’t ever let them admit it but... they knew Satan didn’t like them, and it hurt their feelings.

“Shhhh,” Satan whispered into his backpack.

“Meow.” The backpack replied.

“I said shhhhh.”

The backpack did not reply after that, which was a good thing considering the little princet of the HOL was nearby.

“Satan?” They asked. “Who are you talking to?”

Satan coldly brushed past them as he made his way to his room. “No one you need to concern yourself with.”

When the little calico kitten was safe in his room, Satan quickly realized a mistake in his foolproof ‘sneak a cat into the house’ plan. He didn’t have any toys for the kitten, and he didn’t want his books getting scratched...

It was alright, he’d just rush out to the a store that sold cat things and rush back! Five minute trip tops!

Well when Satan got back the cat was no longer in the room. Oh dear. He discreetly tore apart the house looking for the poor little thing until he ended up finding it in the library, happily chasing around a loose feather being held up by MC.

“Oh, hello Satan.” MC chirped as the kitten batted it’s adorable little paws at the feather.

“My... my door was closed. Did you let the cat out?”

MC shrugged. “I heard meowing.”

Satan ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. Stupid smaller Lucifer. Stupid original Lucifer. Everyone sucked.

“Let me guess, you’re going to run to Lucifer and tell him all about the meowing and the rule breaking.”

MC shook their head and glared at Satan. “Of course not. I’ve already gotten way too attached to this little guy anyway. We’re co-parenting this kitten like mature adults.”

With some coaxing, Satan did sit down and play with the kitten, maybe MC wasn’t... so terrible.

The two watch Unsolved Mysteries together, that’s their show. “This guy did it.” “Satan, we’re two minutes into the episode-” “Trust me.”

Thirty minutes later.

“He did it.” “See MC, what’d I tell you?”

Lucifer did find out about the cat, but with enough pleading, MC and Satan managed to warm up the cold spot in Lucifer’s chest where his heart should have been. The cat’s name is Detective Toe Beans (or just Bean).

Satan can’t fly, he has a tail, but he did read up on wing anatomy and how flight actually works in demons, his advice would be good in theory, but it’s full of so much technical jargon that MC can’t understand it.

At least MC didn’t crash into something, they barrel rolled through one of the HOL’s windows. Good thing it was the window to their room. The broken arm still hurt like hell.

The Best Dressed Bitch Who Brings The Booze to The Reunion. (Asmo)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Lucifer’s kid was SO CUTE! A thousand pictures commemorating that adorable moment needed to be taken! Wait- Lucifer- GIVE BACK THE PHONE-

Asmo, surprise surprise, absolutely adores little MC! So cute! So small! He was just so excited to announce to all his Devilgram followers that Lucifer was finally a certified DILF.

That post disappeared five minutes after it was made but the damage had already been done.

Asmo made sure MC looked their best at all times, if they needed help talking to anyone? Asmo’s got their back!

Sure, maybe he’s a little pushy, but pushy’s a good thing sometimes, right?

“Asmodeus-”

“No, these shoes wouldn’t fit you...”

“Asmo-”

“No, not these ones either...”

“ASMODEUS.”

Asmo squeaked and jumped upwards, Geez Louise... little MC’s voice could sure be scary when they wanted it to be...

“I don’t need any fancy new shoes.” MC huffed, sitting up straighter in one of the chairs in Asmo’s room. “I thought this was supposed to be a sleepover.”

“Hmmm...” Asmo pouted. “Makeovers are an essential part of sleepovers... what’d you do with your human friends up in the human world that could possibly be better than a make-over?!”

MC began to list things off. “Ordered junk food, talked about people we hated, watched movies,”

“Greasy food is so bad for your skin...” Asmo cringed and shook his head violently. “But I’m totally down to watch a movie and bitch about people I hate!”

“Ah yes, human sleepovers, a tradition I never quite had the chance to enjoy.” Solomon said from Asmo’s bed. “Who are we bitching about?”

“Remind me what Solomon is doing here.” MC muttered as they sat down in front of Asmo’s TV.

“Because, I wanted to hang out with my two favourite humans.” Asmo cooed, reaching over and trying to pinch MC’s cheek, which they awkwardly dodged.

“Can we watch The Exorcist?” Solomon asked, propping his head up with his hands.

“Ew, no.” Asmo made a face at him. “That scene with the vomit? Hell NO.”

“Mm.” MC mumbled. Asmo turned to look at them.

“MC? Are you doing okay? You don’t look like you’re having any fun...”

“I’m fine.” MC grumbled.

Asmo pursed his lips, as much as it made his little narcissistic heart break, he nudged MC. “Why don’t you pick the movie, sweetie. I’m sure Solomon and I will like anything you pick!”

MC noticeably brightened. “Let’s watch Scream!”

The strangled noise that came from Asmo was... concerning, but to his credit, The Avatar of Lust held his tongue about his distaste for the movie, and the three slumber-party goers had quite the lovely time.

After the movie ended, MC went back to their room, sure it was a sleepover but their bed was right down the hall.

Good for Asmo and Solomon. Horny fuckers. We stan.

Asmo just claps and tries to cheer MC on when it comes to their flying lessons. (The idea that Asmo came up with to wear his cheerleader costume from the previous Halloween was immediately shot down by Lucifer)

“You’re doing wonderful, MC- WATCH OUT FOR THE POWER LINE!”

MC didn’t hit the power line, but Asmo’s scream of terror caused them to fall butt-first into a dumpster. Their injured tailbone served as a tragic memory of the incident.

Oh well, good thing Asmo had nice smelling soap to give that could mask dumpster-stink.

The Uncle that eats everything and tells you to eat your veggies while you angrily pick at your broccoli at the kid’s table. (Beel)

Lucifer... has a kid?! Beel choked on the cheetos he had snuck into the Assembly Hall when the kid’s wings popped out.

Oh wow, that’s nice :) maybe they can eat together. Belphie would probably like them.

Wait what is the gender neutral term for Niece or Nephew?

...Nibling? Uh... let’s not say that around Beel. We don’t need him to get hungrier and begin associating MC with nibbling on things.

The Underground Tomb incident probably went a little differently, but after all that nonsense, the two are closer than two peas in a pod!

Mmm... peas...

“Beel?” MC stepped into the Avatar of Gluttony’s room.

“Hi MC.” Beel was doing push-ups in the middle of the room, on the ground right beneath his head was a massive bowl of spaghetti that he bit into every time he completed a push-up. “Can you come stand on my back? I need the extra weight.”

“On your back?” MC padded closer. “Are you sure? It’s not going to hurt?”

“No, it’ll be okay.” Beel assured them. “Belphie and I did this all the time. Except Belphie is normally asleep.”

MC tentatively stepped onto Beel’s back. It was a balancing act to say the least, they eventually gave up on standing and ended up sitting cross legged between Beel’s shoulder blades.

“You did this with Belphegor?” MC asked.

“Yeah,” Beel sighed. “He was always too tired to exercise, but he’d let me bench press him sometimes...”

MC frowned and hugged their knees to their chest. Knowing full well that Beel’s twin wasn’t in the human world like Lucifer said was absolutely ripping them apart from the inside. Guilt felt just as rotten as their pride did when they were being belittled...

“Maybe you’ll see him again sometime soon.” MC whispered. “Maybe my father’ll come to his senses and let him come back down to the Devildom.”

Beel paused his push-ups for a brief moment, then nodded and went back to his eating exercising combo. “I hope so. He’ll like you, MC. I’m sure of it.”

MC nodded. “I... hope so.”

Beel’s a pretty decent flight teacher, but his wings are just so different from MC’s that it renders any tips he had next to useless.

“MC, maybe your wings aren’t flapping fast enough.”

“Beel, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not a hummingbird. Or a fly. I don’t need to flap my wings a million times a minute to stay afloat.”

Ah well, MC tried to take some of Beel’s advice, but their lower right wing cramped up and they ended up flying in circles until Beel was able to catch them. Ah well, better than the dumpster incident the previous week.

The Uncle That Passes Out in The Basement and You’re Not Allowed to Wake Him Up Even Though All Your Toys and Video Games Are Down There. He Also Picks a Fight With Your Dad’s New S/O Before He Passes Out. (Belphie)

Sitting in the attic was quite a drag, and this supposedly weak little human was quite the annoyance to try and call out to. It took a lot longer than expected, but when he heard little footsteps coming towards his prison, Belphegor nearly jumped with joy.

Oh... it... looked like Lucifer. Smelled like Lucifer. Stood like Lucifer. Quacked like Lucifer. Or... trilled..? Whatever sound a peacock made, this brat sounded an awful lot like Lucifer.

A... half-demon. Hmph. Belphie honestly thought Lucifer had actual standards. Not anymore, he guessed.

(Man I could fill a whole-ass fic with the Belphie betrayal thing, but for now let’s skip to post attic nonsense)

Okay so maybe MC wasn’t disgusting. They made a good nap buddy. It was cute when their wings came out when they were sleeping sometimes. Well... it was cute when they didn’t hit him in the face and make him wake up with his mouth full of feathers.

What Beel said had been true, Belphie made a good substitute when weights weren’t available, but Beel didn’t want MC to feel left out, so Belphie and MC ended up sitting on his back while he did push ups. MC once got bored and started playing Go Fish with Belphie on Beel’s back while he exercised.

Yes. MC is still a member of the Formerly-Anti-Lucifer League.

“Are you sure he’s not going to be too mad at us?” MC asked for the dozenth time that day. Detective Toe Beans was wrapped around their neck like a scarf (he had gotten so big!!!) while MC nervously sat in one of the Library chairs.

“Positive.” Belphie said with a toothy grin. “Besides, he’s like putty when it comes to you. Just give him your best puppy eyes and we’re not guilty on all charges.”

Putty..? Really..? Lucifer..? How strict was he before MC got there... they wondered.

“Sh! He’s coming!” Satan stuck his nose into a random book, it was the Oxford English Dictionary... and it was upside down.

Belphie pretended to pass out and MC decided that the best course of action was to stare deeply into their cat’s eyes. Yeah... that looked casual and not weird.

“Satan, MC, Belphie.” Lucifer nodded to the three of them as he walked towards the entrance to his study.

“Lucifer.”

“Afternoon, father.”

Belphie let out a cartoonishly loud fake snore that nearly caused both MC and Satan to break cover and start laughing.

Side note, Bean had adorable widdle eyes! That cute little face was just to die for-

“You three..!”

Belphie, Satan, and MC peeked their heads into Lucifer’s study, their handiwork was perfect. Everything was covered in red post it notes. Perfectly not harmful, but SO inconvenient!

“You’re all cleaning this up or so help me-”

“GO!” Belphie and Satan each grabbed one of MC’s arms (Satan also grabbed Bean) and sprinted out of the House of Lamentation. Maybe they’d move back there in twenty years... they hoped that Solomon and The Angels would let them crash at Purgatory Hall...

Belphie had used up his physical energy supply for the next four years. He passed out the moment they stepped into sanctuary. Time for a nap...

Flight practice? Ha. Belphie’s napping. Though, he was suspiciously awake and filming whenever MC did something stupid.

“Try not to suck so bad.”

“GO TO HELL BELPHIE!”

“I’m already there. Hell is every second I’m stuck here watching you fail.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT FOR THAT!”

Well... MC mastered the dive bomb that day. Lucifer bought them a cake.

Bonus! Your Dad’s New Husband! That Has Managed to Somehow Make Everyone Hate Him Despite the Fact That He’s A Cinnamon Roll. (Diavolo)

A mini Lucifer? A mini Lucifer!

Diavolo dotes on MC like he’d dote on his own kid. MC wants a crown? They’re getting a crown! A damn nice one too! MC wants a title? Here! MC is now... idk Ruler of the area between Majolish and Hell’s Kitchen.

Poor Uncle Mammon’s got some financial insecurity, he’s still the cool uncle... right?!

He is very much that ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ Meme.

He tries to do stereotypical ‘dad’ things but he’s not very good at them. Once he tried to host a barbecue...

Barbatos saved the day, but Mammon’s hair was still singed, Solomon’s cooking still gave Beel food poisoning (SOLOMON EATS TOXIC WASTE I SWEAR-), Luke still got hit in the face with a frisbee, and Simeon got an unhealthy dose of DAD NERVES and got so stressed everyone was almost blinded by the holy light he suddenly started blasting. We do not mention the water guns.

(Seriously whose bright idea was it to give Belphie and Satan water guns while they were in Lucifer’s presence?)

Praise Barbie. He’s too good for them.

“Um...” MC awkwardly held up the baseball, trying to look at it from all angles like it was a completely alien object. “Lord Diavolo... are you sure you want to play catch?”

Diavolo clapped his hands and bounced on the balls of his feet. “Yes! It’s a thing human fathers do with their children, correct? We must make up for lost time between you and Lucifer, right?”

Lucifer massaged his temples and nodded. “If you two would like to play catch...” Lucifer grimaced. “I will too.”

“Okay! MC, throw the ball to Lucifer!” Diavolo instructed.

Lucifer half heartedly held up his baseball glove as MC tossed him the ball. He caught it, and looked over at Diavolo, who was applauding like he just witnessed the greatest feat in sports history.

“Okay! Throw it to me!” Diavolo waved his glove in the air, Lucifer rolled his eyes and smiled. He threw the ball at Diavolo with... a lot of force. Enough force to probably dent steel... Diavolo caught it like it was nothing.

MC suddenly feared for their safety.

“Okay MC, catch!”

Diavolo threw the ball with enough force to break the god damn sound barrier. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but the ball sailed way over MC’s head and crashed right through a window.

“Oh my...” Diavolo put a hand on his hip and surveyed the damage to the window. “This isn’t so bad, I believe in human world TV shows this happens quite often. Look! The glass broke in a perfect circle!”

“Yay... property damage...” MC murmured.

Lucifer sighed and pulled out his DDD. “I’ll phone someone to replace the win-”

“Lucifer no! Now according to human world customs we must,” Diavolo took a deep breath, rushed forward, grabbed both Lucifer and MC’s hands and started sprinting away from the Demon Lord’s Castle. “RUN FOR IT!”

“Di- Diavolo!” Lucifer gasped.

“Who are we running from?! That’s your castle!” MC squeaked.

“I don’t know! Just run! That’s what the human TV show says to do!”

Weirdly enough, Diavolo was the best flight instructor. MC’s ability to fly increased tenfold after Diavolo found out that MC was learning to fly.

“You’re doing amazing MC! That was a perfect turn!”

“Thanks Lord Diavolo, I’m surprised I haven’t crashed into anyone or fallen yet!”

“Well, I highly doubt you’ll be crashing into anyone anymore, your flying is practically perfect now!”

Mammon proceeded to fly past them holding what looked like Lucifer’s wallet.

“M-mammon?!”

“Oh... I wonder what he’s doing. Look, MC! It’s Lucifer! Hello Lucifer dea-”

Lucifer ended up colliding with the two of them and sending them all crashing to the floor.

That was the last time MC fell during flying practice.

(We currently have a Go Fund Me set up for Mammon to get the funds necessary to flee the Devildom after that incident. Please donate to save- oh shit hi Lucifer-)