#do i want to go through the trouble of rewatching/reading it just for them

[riveluart]

You ever just get a random burst of affection for characters you literally haven't thought about in years

[not-so-mundane-after-all]

I keep rewatching that epilogue scene and, the way Hunter and Omega talk about her joining the Rebellion... You can tell this is not the first time they're having this conversation. And I just can't help but wonder what the previous one(s) must have looked like.

Because something tells me it wasn't peaceful.

I just can't imagine Hunter having any other reaction than an immediate, definitive "absolutely not" the first time he hears about Omega wanting to join the Rebellion. Just like I can't imagine Omega being okay with that reaction.

Were they arguing about it? Were they butting heads and not backing down from their respective points? Because they would. Absolutely, they would.

Did their brothers have conversations with both of them separately? Did Wrecker tell Omega to give Hunter a break because he's old and worried? Did Crosshair convince Hunter that he can't keep a grown woman grounded just because he's scared about her? Did Echo tell him that if this is Omega's calling, he has to let her do her thing?

She tried to sneak off. As if she didn't want to go through this again. As if she thought leaving without a goodbye would be easier on everyone and this way no one can stop her. After all, she made up her mind. She's going. But when she turns the light on and spots Hunter sitting there, she's not even surprised. She nods to herself like of course. Of course he's here.

This literally sounds like they've been over this before. But this time the conversation is surely more peaceful. They both have the other's perspective in their minds now.

This is my choice and I know it scares you but I need you to understand.

I know I won't change your mind but I don't want you to go, I want you to be safe.

This must have been said before as well. Maybe in anger. Maybe in pleading. Or desperation. I wouldn't be surprised if Omega got very frustrated with Hunter for treating her like she's still a kid. Nor would I be shocked if Hunter had trouble articulating his point of view in all his worry and panic. But here, it's a confession. It's very vulnerable. It's the truth Hunter doesn't want to hear and gives a reason why.

Omega is a grown woman now. Skilled, capable, brave. Hunter doesn't doubt that. But to him, she's always going to be his little girl no matter how old she is and I am still speechless at the fact that we actually see him not only struggling with it but also admitting to it.

Back on Pabu, after they escaped Tantiss, Hunter told her: "We've all fought enough battles for one lifetime." And now, years later, Omega echoes this back to him. "You've all fought enough." Almost like she's reading Hunter's mind and knows that if he can't stop her, he's going to want to join her.

The way he wants to reach after her here when she gets up. Like he wants to say wait, no, don't go yet!

But this is her fight, just like she says. She's never been able to sit still, we know that, we've seen that. Just like Echo back in season 2, she can't stand the thought of staying down and doing nothing when there are people out there fighting for freedom. People she can help. She's a skilled pilot now (I can bet she'll become most famous in the Rebellion for her flawless Tech-Turn), she has absorbed everything her brothers have taught her over the years like a sponge and now she wants to use that. After years of living away from the fight, she's finally ready to get back out there and make a difference in the galaxy. Fight for peace because that is her calling.

She's ready, but Hunter is not.

You can tell it's literally tearing him apart to watch her go. That's his baby, the whole reason he's living the life he has now. He gave his blood, sweat and tears so she could grow up safe and happy and away from the Empire's clutches. And now she's going back right into them, willingly.

But she's all grown up. And he has no choice but to let her go do her thing. So he holds her close and I don't doubt sends out a prayer that she comes back to him safe and in one piece. He closes his eyes and commits the feeling to memory because who knows when will be the next time he gets to do this?

And it might be destroying him inside but he's so damn proud. And he knows she's got this. She doesn't need her old man to watch her back anymore.

And yet still this old man, with gray in his hair and beard, this old man whose posture is hunched and who is moving slowly and having difficulty standing up because of his accelerated age, is telling his very grown up and very capable daughter that if she needs him, he's going to pick up his blaster, don the armor and join her in the fight.

Because that's what fathers do.

[f1girliefics]

Not His Type, His

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Summary: During an interview, he describes his ideal woman, which is the exact opposite of you, the woman he is dating. 

At first, you didn't want to believe it.

As you rewatched the video, it started to sink in.

He described your exact opposite.

How does one deal with this?

How were you supposed to deal with the fact that your boyfriend just confessed that his ideal woman is nothing like you?

What were you supposed to do with that information?

Was this his way of breaking up with you?

Was this his way of saying he doesn't want you anymore?

Or were you just reading into this too much?

Your relationship with Charles wasn't a secret.

People knew, there were many photos of the two of you, most posted by yourselves.

So then what was happening?

And apparently, you weren't the only one wondering about this.

Under the video there were multiple comments. Then you got messages about different news websites reporting on the thing... great.

'F1 Driver Charles Leclerc Single Again?!'

'Trouble in Paradise! You WON'T BELIEVE what Charles Leclerc just said!'

'Charles Leclerc admits in a new interview, his girlfriend is NOT his ideal woman'

And so on.

And you weren't going to lie, it bothered you.

You ran so many scenarios through your mind.

You hoped he only spoke out of his head without a second thought. You knew how he could get after a certain race, he wouldn't think about what he was saying.

He probably didn’t even realize what he had just done.

Your phone rang but you ignored it. Later on, you checked, it was your best friend, but you wouldn’t want to talk with anyone now.

You were afraid to open the internet, you were scared to turn on the TV.

You didn’t know what to do.

Then, Charles arrived back at the hotel room. 

When your eyes locked with his, both of you stayed absolutely still and quiet.

“I am stupid.” he said and you nearly started laughing, rolling on your stomach. His exact voice… perfect.

“You-”

“I didn’t mean it! I was thinking about the race, going through it in my head and then I just blurted out something. I swear!”

“Okay…”

“I will post something on Instagram or make a statement, I will fix this.” he pulled his phone out and you just knew, as soon as he saw the panic in his eyes, you forgave him.

Why were you even worried that he would want to break up with you?

“Charles.” he looked up at your from his phone, you stood up from the bed and walked over to him. “Congrats. P5 is really good.” you said as he smiled at you.

You swore his smile could make you forget everything.

“Thank you. But I really am sorry about the-”

“It’s all good. Let them burn with curiosity a little bit more… But… Just so I know… you don’t want to break up, right?”

“What?! NO! You are perfect!”

“But I’m not your ideal type.”

“You might not be, but you are mine.” you laughed a little and he pulled you in for a kiss. 

It was time to celebrate a little, just the two of you, the rest of the world can burn and wait until you two were finished.

!DO NOT TRANSLATE, REPOST OR PLAGIRISE MY WORK!

[0daylighthours0]

A Deep Dive into Milkvan and Byler's Development: If Milkvan Was Endgame All Along, Why Was it Written Like This???

SO. I've been rewatching st with my mother, who's never seen it before. And she was a fan of milkvan throughout seasons 1 and 2. Viewing those seasons again I could see why, they're cute. However, come season 3 and INSTANT distaste. And, listen, my mother is not the consciously shipping gal. She simply routes for main character pairings as writers intend, doesn't read between the lines, doesn't nothing. And she does NOT know my own opinions on the pairing. In other words, completely unbiased, uninternet drama influenced eyes. We've now reached season 3 and, after getting through a chunk of it, I asked her,

"so what do you think of Mike and El?"

and she expressed to me that they seem to be, quote:

"not very good together."

She said El's character doesn't suit the way she's acting now (in the first few episodes, concerning Mike), that Mike is more likeable and interesting when he's away from her. She doesn't like the way they ditched the party, and when it comes to their 'making out' the scenes are seen by her from Hopper's perspective (in other words, distasteful). She claimed that they'd be much better characters as friends.

And ya know what, she's right. And I mean like - duh, that's what we've been saying all this time, I'm not stating anything new here. But guys, wouldn't it be strange if the central couple of the show, pivotal that it is liked by audiences and is rooted for by them as they are THE pair, would be so dislikable like this? So uninteresting, so cliche.

I mean, okay, let's do a little mental experiment I like to do to test if I'm not just acting delulu. Let's play a game. In this game, milkvan ARE meant to be endgame. They are in love, they were all along, and they're here to draw in viewers and appease all El stans. Now, seasons 1 and 2 their relationship is honestly fine. Surface level, yeah, people will watch and appreciate them. They perfectly blend in with all the other neat pairings of the seasons, and have their own unique character traits to stand out as a main couple.

Just pretending our mate Will doesn't exist, we now get into season 3. Now, writers have nothing to lose here. If you've finished season 2, you probably like milkvan already. The issue is that they're already together now, so what's the conflict going to be? The arc? And every central couple needs that conflict to stay juicy.

Just take a look:

Jancy: quarrels, struggle to understand one another

Jopper: not yet together, one sided? will they won't they

Lumax: ...

Lumax? Lumax. Huh, guess they were simply together. Some loveable bickering, maintained a friendly dynamic while clearly in closer proximity. Well then, writers can do the same for milkvan right? Well, yes easily. But one might argue that since they are supposed to be THE pairing they need more going on between them than that. So what'll it be? Well, it seems that writers thought,

"hey, why not break them up?"

ok so.. that's a bit risky. I mean you want people to like this ship, if you break them up then that threats: 1. there being a disliking to one or both characters, 2. coming off generic if done incorrectly, 3. the break up might make no sense considering how in love they came off as just a season ago. But hey.. it could work, if done right. Some kind of misunderstanding, similar to Jancy. Maybe an argument leading to a sudden parting. I mean, yeah, Yeah! I can see that. Perhaps Mike is being too overprotective whilst El's trying to sacrifice herself for something, so she NEEDS to separate herself from him attempting to hurt him less. Or, I dunno, something akin. What's crucial is that us, AS THE AUDIENCE, still know them to be deeply in love. I mean, we have to still want them to be together. And we've seen couple trouble before. Just take a look at Lumax season 4 - did you or did you not want the best for both of them as a pair? You most likely did. See, it's doable. So did people like milkvan season 3 the same way, even after a separation plot? No.

Okay well, there are obviously those who'll always love milkvan no matter but, see, season 3 tainted it. "We need to write them like this cause it's more realistic to teenager behavior" my ars. You can make it messy without making it icky. Not only did it sour their unique dynamic, it flabbergastingly stomped on Mike as a character.

Honestly, I feel Mike has always been a mild struggle to write. Season 1 his motivations were 'find Will' (who still doesn't exist in our mind game yet shh) and 'protect El'. This worked well for him. Afterwards though, El and Will became more separate plots to him. But as a main character it remained integral that he be closely linked to them somehow. This sets him apart from Lucas and Dustin, who can easily be given any arc any season as their plots have the flexibility of a side quest nature. Since what Mike does is meant to matter more - with there probably being a better way of phrasing that but you know what I mean - it's harder knowing what he'll do when El and Will (who we'll GET to sh.) are their own separate people. And Mike is just a boy, he doesn't have super powers and he isn't a cop, which leaves there even less for him to do which is of significance. Season 2 writers decided upon having him support Will's arc, making himself of enough relevance by being able to take credit for some Will development in the story, and the plots that surrounded that, and then Mike was thrown a little bone by being the one to come up with the idea of burning those vines in the finale.

Truthfully, you don't really remember Mike's deeds much when reminiscing the series. It isn't like Dustin who's bond with Dart sticks to everyone, or Nancy and Jonathan responsible for kicking out Hawkins Lab. This is due to them, again, being able to traverse all sorts of adventures without limits. But my guy Mike can't do dat. Sadly, this kind of leads to him coming of as a little.. well... insignificant. And I know I know, the Mike truthers are gonna come at my throat. And hey! I love him too. I only want the best for my boy.

This makes season 3 a unique case cause it seems that, for the plot they decided they wanted, writers actually had to almost entirely change his character. I mean mate s2 Mike and s3 Mike are two different peoples, don't even. And I don't believe that the Duffers had their story and character turnouts completely drawn out from the very start at all. If I was to guess, I'd assume they have vague ideas of little plots they plan to include in future, but there is definitely a lot that has come unpredicted or changed throughout st's runtime. And one of those phenomenons are Michael Wheeler. So they decided to make this guy a di-

So they decided to make him more douchy, more movie typical teenage guy. It's not as if he wholly sucked, he didn't, but he didn't really do much. Whined about his girlfriend, separated the party. I mean what even was his arc? (UnLESS–)

You see, if milkvan is written to be loved, then season 3 was strike one. All of its charm was stripped away. It seems they had some cute scenes after their reconciliation, but it's not enough. It's just sort of

"oh, ok, so they're happy with eachother now. yayy."

and Stranger Things should want to be anything but boring. Sure they often enjoy indulging in tropes, but they always do something different with them. Something standoutish. And from this point on milkvan just got dull. Either writers ran out of ideas or lost interest, honestly (still with our mind game of telling ourselves they're meant to be).

But it's okay. Look, so season 3 was a bit rocky, maybe lost a couple of fans for the guys, but it is salvageable. Easily, easily. Looks like we want a plot of Mike struggling to tell El he loves her. Great! Much to work with.

So let's get into it. Season 4! Choices were... made. And, okay, now we can't go any further without bringing in our boy Will.

Mike is intrinsically tied to Will and El and has been from the start. Maybe Will was more of an accident. Maybe s1 Will was just a plot device for Mike, then s2 Will was a plot device again and Mike needed to be there as the main boy character. Come season 3 and it seems their relationship still matters. Will was sidelined - hard - so most of Mike's moments revolved around El. But as his bond with Mike is the only that's been properly built up, that's the only friend we'll get him interacting with in a way that matters. So the Mike and Will tie continues!

But that does not have to be the case for season 4. Now the writers have a chance.

They made Will gay.

Ok so.. ok so yeah that's fine. Yeah! I mean they didn't have to do that, might put them in hot water with the bylers since milkvan is their golden beauty but.. you know what no no that's okay. He's been hinted at being queer since episode 1, why not make it canon! Cool that works. Explore that, especially since we now have Vecna who can easily target Will for this. Give him a boyfriend! Or a guy crush. He's at a new school now? That's cool. Maybe we can explore some new male character Will's taken interest in. Hey maybe he meets someone who interests him which rises to surface his whole sexuality plot and-

he's in love with Mike.

Ok. No. No. What are you doing? What do you mean?? You didn't have to do that. Strike- strike EFING TWO mates! Strike. 👏 efing. 👏 2!

This was part 1. I am tired and gots to get my ars in bed. But ohohoh, do not worry. I am just getting started.

[wistfulcynic]

a non-izzy-centric reading of the events of season two

i didn't really want to get into this because it's so, so tiresome and i'd rather talk about the things i loved about this season. Poison, positivity, etc. But.

reading this post about people doubting their own judgement due to the overwhelming noise from Izzy stans along with a rewatch of season two from start to finish made me realise that i too had been influenced by a year and a half of being intensely frustrated by people insisting so loudly that OFMD was in fact the Izzy Hands Show. My initial issues with S2 mostly stemmed from overcompensating for that by resenting any development of Izzy on the screen because i did not want it to feed those people. Which meant that i also was centring Izzy in a way that he should not be centred! i was letting their noise lead me to read him as far more important than he actually is.

So i looked back at several points from the season that had me feeling uncomfortable and which, from a cursory browse through the Izzy tag i've concluded his stans see as a contradiction or a betrayal or something and re-evaluated them from the perspective of Izzy not being a main fucking character.

point one: "He's our dick."

When Archie (a newcomer and therefore a fairly effective audience stand-in for anyone not balls deep in fandom bullshit) asks Jim why they're going to so much trouble for Izzy, who she has immediately clocked as "kind of a dick", Jim gives this response. Which, if you think Izzy is important, may read as an expression of reluctant fondness. But then, Jim continues: "There was a time when life meant something on this ship. When we lived for each other, not just to survive." These lines are punctuated by a flashback to the famous Revenge crew found-family Renaissance-painting moment. Jim is nostalgic for the "good old days" of the Revenge under Stede's people-positive management style. It is out of respect for that (seemingly) lost way of life that they take the trouble for Izzy, not for Izzy himself. They'd have done the same for anyone, because they desperately want life to matter again. Izzy, as the person whose gamy leg is a direct result of his threatening Ed and bringing the kraken era down on all of them, is simply the one whose life happens to be on the line.

(honestly, i love this from Jim, who was one of Stede's boldest detractors in season one and still the crew member most likely to call him out on his bullshit. That's your "reluctant fondness" moment right there.)

point two: the new unicorn

apparently Izzy stans see the gift of the unicorn leg prosthetic as a symbol of deep love and respect from the crew to Izzy. Which is an absolutely wild reading when you look at what led up to it.

There's tension on the ship. Divisions. Lucius is chain-smoking and jump-scared by his own shadow. Jim, Archie, Frenchie, and Fang are overcome by guilt over their mutiny and frantically scrubbing nonexistent blood from the deck in what is a fantastically darkly funny Lady Macbeth moment for them. Izzy is sloppy drunk and yelling nonsensical abuse at the unicorn masthead. Roach, Pete, Oluwande, and Wee John make a well-intentioned but ill-conceived attempt to bring everyone back together (i say "everyone" but Izzy, significantly, is not included) which leads to them all being at each other's throats in the sort of mutually-assured-destruction configuration that starts world wars. It's a great scene. Izzy is not a part of it.

until he interrupts them, throws the unicorn legs at them and in his drunken clumsiness breaks his prosthetic. He then pointedly refuses their offers of assistance and drags himself away along the floor by his arms.

my friends. This is peak pathos. The crew do not respect Izzy in this moment, they feel sorry for him. They realise that he's worse off than any of the rest of them and that knowledge brings them back together. Making the unicorn prosthetic is barely about Izzy at all. It's about the crew coming together, repairing the rifts in their found family and as a bonus helping out their grumpy second cousin who doesn't really want to be there but has nowhere else to go. It's also a very generous offer of a new place on the ship--as the new unicorn--and a fresh start. Because that's what life on the Revenge is. For everyone.

point three: la vie en rose

much has been made of Izzy putting on drag makeup and singing at the Calypso birthday party, and fair enough. That's a big character development point for him. i don't hate it, though i wish there'd been more build-up to it, a longer conversation between Izzy and Wee John at least (insert obligatory "fuck Max" here) but regardless, if we accept Izzy's amputated leg as cutting off his old self and replacing it with the unicorn then we can arrive at a place where he's able to participate in a drag performance without too much cognitive gymnastics.

i've written before about the curious choice to have Izzy sing La Vie En Rose in French (after he initially sang it in English) at the very moment when Ed and Stede are having sex for the first time. On first watch i felt viscerally troubled by it, it felt like a validation of the obsessive psychosexual reading of Izzy's feelings for Ed. Looking at the season as a whole, it feels more like a (cringy, creepy, waaaay over the line) attempt on his part to signal approval for Ed and Stede's relationship. Especially when taken in conjunction with his (super creepy, like wtf who greenlit this) interruption of their breakfast in bed the next morning to make a ham-fisted innuendo. Weird but okay i guess, it's not like Izzy and social niceties have ever gone hand in hand.

many people point to the drag scene as the crew embracing Izzy and welcoming him as one of them. Again, i don't disagree. But, also again, this is not specific to Izzy. This is just what they do. They also embraced Archie with her snake-cult stories, they re-embraced Ed (who yes, they do love, refutations of arguments that they don't love Ed are a whole other essay though) and later they embrace Zheng and Auntie and also Jackie who once stole their savings jar and threatened to cut off their noses. That's what they do! They embrace people! That's what the show is about!

point four: the death scene

i have to be honest, i still hate this. i don't hate that Izzy died, i hate that he died in Ed's arms with Ed calling him his only family. That still feels unearned to me, and alas was probably another victim of the shortened season. But even with this extremely kind and forgiving death scene, the stans are not satisfied! They feel that the entire crew should have been gathered round, assuring Izzy of their profound love for him. There should have been weeping at the funeral, wailing and gnashing of teeth, rending of garments etc. It's what he deserves as such a beloved member of the crew!

except he wasn't beloved. He was accepted, yes. Welcomed, even. But acceptance is a far cry from love. Cheering as someone sings a song at a party does not mean you feel ready to weep at their deathbed or proclaim your undying affection for them.

yet even so, the crew are visibly distraught at his death scene. There are tears in many eyes! But effusive declarations of feeling from any one of them other than Ed would have felt (to anyone not convinced Izzy is the main character) completely wrong and very weird. You can headcanon what you like to fill the gaps in canon but on screen we have seen very few meaningful interactions between Izzy and any of the existing crew aside from Fang and Lucius and to a lesser extent Wee John. Izzy's primary relationship with another character is with Ed and so, as much as i still don't like it, Ed is the only one who has any real reason to be at Izzy's side as he dies.

as for the brevity of the funeral and the fact that they went straight from it to Pete and Lucius's wedding instead of having, idk, a prolonged wake at which everyone speaks at length about how important Izzy was to them, i mean. Obviously that wasn't going to happen. More than enough screen time had already been given to a side character who spent most of it either being miserable himself or making others so. It was time for the rest of them to find some moments of joy. As Izzy himself said, not moving on is worse.

in conclusion, i'd like to address the people saying that Izzy should have lived so he could continue his arc of self-discovery and sure, that would have been great--on the Izzy Hands Show. But OFMD is about Ed and Stede and Izzy had served his purpose in their story. i feel certain there will be copious fanfics to soothe anyone who feels Izzy was shortchanged.

on the show, though, he was treated in a very logical and foreseeable way as the antagonist who was able to see the light at the end but not necessarily to thrive in such a well-lit environment. Literature (by which i mean also films and tv) abounds with examples of this sort of character. They see the error of their ways but they are too stuck in them, shaped by them, to exist comfortably in any other way. They help bring about change to benefit others and not for themselves, that is the bittersweet beauty of their endings.

Izzy let Ed go. He embraced the softer parts of himself. He died surrounded by people who may not have loved him but at least accepted him as one of their own and felt genuine sorrow about his passing. That is a satisfying narrative end for a reformed antagonist! If you truly feel that he was shortchanged by it then you have forgotten what show you're watching and what sort of character he was.

Izzy Hands: not the main character, still an interesting one, absolute nightmare, what a guy.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 3.1

I thank my lucky stars every night that Yoko eventually got sick of playing secret-keeper.

Paul: I didn't leave the Beatles. The Beatles have left the Beatles . . . John said he wanted a divorce. Alright, so do I. See how they say “Beatles” and they mean each other sometimes?

Derek Taylor on John's position on the break-up: if Paul were to approach him and say “let's do it together again” he probably would; with no more words, he would probably do it. Which is an insane claim to make to a world full of people grieving the greatest band to ever exist unless you are very very sure of that probability. But if it's true that that's all it would have taken, and Paul didn't do it? That hurts my head a little. Do we think he was just hurt too bad to want it back? Do we think he didn't know he had that kind of power? Do we think he was glad to be free of the group?

Ugh my heart can't take it. I'd cry too, John, watching that. I mean look at how they are looking at each other. Look at everything they've lost in a year. I'd bawl like a baby too.

Paul sends John a long, thorough letter, begging for them to legally end their partnership outside of a court. John's run out of cards at this point, but he still doesn't want to lose Paul, so he's just going to play dumb.

This is how bad he doesn't want to lose him, actually: he goes along with Klein in tricking Paul this time. Calls him up and asks him to come to the studio for a jam session, because it'll hurt his case in court. But for multiple reasons – the Eastmans were knowledgeable lawyers, and Paul might not have even wanted to be in a room with John at the time anyway – Paul doesn't come. Which John would've been hurt and angry over, no matter his motives.

"They tell you to stop crying at about age twelve. Be a man. What the hell's that?" I'm so proud of John for his (albeit long and backsliding) journey out of his toxic masculinity and violence. Something I honestly don't see him achieving without Yoko.

And from that quote it transitions to Paul in Scotland, looking like the embodiment of depression, as the opening of “Isolation” plays. It's perfect.

“And don't try to come over here. Or you might get in some trouble.” The way he just froze when he saw them filming him and then the next thing we see is him threatening them? Get ‘em, babe!

John sounds so giddy about this one-upping competition with Paul. I'll scare him and then he'll scare me!

The whole Lennon Remembers era is such a terrible case of diarrhea of the mouth in general, but the amount of homophobic language is quite striking compared to how John talked before and after.

John, talking about George in Rolling Stone: "he was working with two fucking brilliant songwriters and he learned a lot from us." People read that quote and just parrot it like they do with everything John said in this period and act like George had nothing to be angry over. He had every right to be much angrier and hold a much bigger grudge than he did.

And about George's new record, which was phenomenal and brilliant, John is transparently jealous and so cruel. If he'd said that about me and then asked me to play on his new record I'd tell him to go to hell. Why did George do it?

See and everyone who knows John knows how much he loved Brian and to hear him speaking so crassly and cruelly about Brian must've been a sure indication to them to just take the entire interview through that lense of “oh he's just saying shit”. But that's only the people who knew him. Everyone else for the rest of time took this shit as constitutional. And it pisses me off. It should be locked away in a vault somewhere and no one is allowed to listen to it until they've passed some kind of Beatles and emotional intelligence tests.

This crushes my soul. How warped must his definition of love have been by that point that he genuinely believed Phil Spector and Allen Klein loved him more than Paul and George did? It's bonkers.

John in 1967: all you need is love! John in 1971: the point of life is to manipulate people. . . . What the hell happened to you, buddy?

I go back and forth as to who's the smarter PR person: John or Yoko? Because maybe she's right. Maybe they shouldn't divulge that they're master manipulators. But is this one of those times when it's good to be all “look how honest we are about this! We're not hiding anything! We're saying bad things about ourselves too! So you should believe us about everything else!”

Really this documentarian should be hired to make all the music videos for all the Beatles and solo songs. This one for “Too Many People” is perfect. Paul walking into court with a full beard and a confident stride, John and Yoko in bed, Paul horse riding overlayed on Linda's gorgeous face like she's some goddess, designing his fate. All of it is just pure brilliance.

I'm forever laughing at just the title of the song, too. Because to John and Yoko it was so important that they were Weird and Off-putting. Different. Revolutionary. And to say “no. You're not special. There's actually an excess of people like you.” Is so funny to me.

“When she wants an A side, that's when we start fighting.” Oh gosh. Remember how I said he backslides a lot in his feminism journey? Yeah…

Insanity quote Hall of Fame. Yeah, I know he meant to say it's weird to be best friends with a woman. But it sounds like he's saying it's weird to fuck a woman. Which maybe he subconsciously means both idk.

Paul: we need to legally dissolve the partnership because it's the only way we're attached anymore. Ouch. Okay it's true. It's deserved. But that must've stung for the guy who was terrified of losing people. Must've sent him into fight or flight.

I think the point of this framing is to say that if they'd had facetime back then, instead of just crackly phone lines, HDYS would not have been written. Not with those puppy eyes staring him down like that.

Interviewer: the song wasn't even funny though. John: well I think it's hilarious. Interviewer: hmm. Lol I love hearing interviewers talk to John about his lyrics like he's a real guy doing a real job, though. Imagine a music critic now saying John Lennon wasn't clever in his lyrics. You can't, yeah. Me either.

What a slap in the face to Cynthia. Guess she wasn't Cool Girl enough. Should've gone girled him. That would be an excellent fic. Cyn and Jane gone girl their idiot bfs and John and Paul realize they're in love on death row. But anyway, yeah. If Paul would've just pet John's head . . .

Another absolutely bonkers thing to say. That's something the Rockstar’s ex wife says in a documentary ten years after he's dead, not something a songwriting partner says, completely unprompted, in an exiting the band interview.

And then he goes off on what I see as a self-soothing diatribe on Paul the family man. You can see the hoops he jumped through to get himself there. What did Paul want that I couldn't give him? A family. And is that justified? Absolutely not, only pussies and conservatives want families.

Allan Klein: were you and Paul ever really close, then? John: no. John: not that I didn't love him. I did. It's just that every time I let my guard down, he hurt me. Holy shit. At this point, after getting hit in the face with so much of John's Paul-made pain with nothing from the other side but pictures of the happy McCartney family, I'm genuinely feeling quite angry at Paul. Me. An extremely biased Paul girl who knows it's far more complicated and multi-dimensional than this. No wonder the uninformed public fucking hated his guts.

And as they're showing this quote, “I didn't want to hurt you,” plays mournfully in the background. They really are so twisted up in each other there's no separating individual identities.

Okay so he's a psychopath. So what? He's the sexiest man that ever was or ever will be. He's allowed to be a horrible person. No, but really. He's Get Back Paul but healthier. He's done with his depression drinking and he's been spending a lot of time proving he's still useful enough to exist by building fences and shearing sheep.

And this is how Paul talks about George to interviews. John said Klein made ATMP a success but Paul disagrees. "George recorded it all, wrote it all, did it all, wasn't anything to do with [Klein]. It was George's victory, wasn't it?" Compare that to how John does it and tell me again why the hell George is Team John?

What is Paul's obsession with daddies? Actually I know exactly what the obsession with daddies comes from, but we won't get into that here. I do find it interesting that in ‘69 he's saying “we do need a sort of central daddy figure.” And in ‘71 he's deriding John needing one and won't let John's daddy of choice touch him with a hundred foot pole.

I tend to think Paul chafes against authority in general, but that's actually not right. He never had a problem with George Martin. I think it's just abusive authority or authority he doesn't trust yet.

[ltwharfy]

"The Amazing Rudy" and the Evolution of Rudy and Louise's Friendship (Long Post)

Rewatching "The Amazing Rudy" last night made me feel like I finally want to write a little (using the term loosely) analysis about why I love the final act of that story so much. (I thought about doing this during Roudise Week but was too busy with fics.) I think the ending of that story is so wonderful not just because it is sweet in itself but because it reflects one of the things that I love about Rudy and Louise's friendship- that it has grown and evolved over the course of the show.

A lot of stories begin with characters who are always friends, the origins of the friendships are unexplored or pretty simple ("they grew up next door to each other" etc.). Or you get stories where the characters go through one adventure together and are suddenly BFFs. Rudy and Louise's friendship isn't like either of those.

It seems pretty clear that the events of "Carpe Museum" are the first time they've interacted much- but they don't immediately become besties after it. In Rudy's next two speaking appearances ("The Unnatural" and "Bob and Deliver") he doesn't interact with Louise at all. And when the Belchers enter the juice caboose in "The Kids Rob A Train", Rudy introduces them to Beanbag by saying he knows them from school- not that they are his friends. And there are some moments in that episode that I think are really important for their friendship- in particular, the moment when Rudy tries to get Louise to give him the bag full of candy through the train window and she's convinced he'll take it and ditch her, and the moment at the end with Rudy's fake severe allergic reaction- and Louise's panicked response.

But I'm not interested in going through every moment in their friendship. (I mean, I am. Absolutely. But not in this particular post.) What I think is really interesting about Act 3 of "The Amazing Rudy" is looking at in relation to the two episodes where conflict between Louise and Rudy plays a big role- "House of 1,000 Bounces" and "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy". Looking at those episodes, you can see Louise learning how to better read and respond to her friend's emotions.

In "House of 1,000 Bounces", Louise leads the rest of the party guests in stealing the bounce house from Dahlia. Rudy mentions twice that he'd be happy just to do the spoon puppets, but nobody listens to him. And then he blows up at them in Ranger Jail. (And, I think it is interesting to note that he is not just mad at Louise, but at all his friends- "I didn't want to steal that bounce house, but none of you would listen!") Louise tries to make things right by organizing the play with office supplies- and Rudy thanks her for that. But she never apologizes to him for not listening to him earlier- and it seems like maybe she never even noticed he was unhappy until he blew up at her.

At the beginning of "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy", Rudy communicates pretty clearly to Louise that he's feeling stressed because he isn't going to be able to return to his dad's for two weeks; Louise acknowledges that, but then gets caught up in her excitement over the Blaster Bridge, leading to Rudy getting upset, her calling him a weenie, and him asking her to leave. It's pretty clear that Louise recognizes right off the bat that she screwed up- she's taken aback when he asks her to leave, and then there's the whole bit while walking back with Tina and Gene where she decides she can fix things (not that she can yet acknowledge that things need fixing) by moving the bridge. At the end of the episode when they are blowing up the bridge, Louise finally says the thing that she couldn't say earlier in the episode or in "House of 1,000 Bounces": "Yeah, well, I'm sorry I kept pushing you when you were stressed out. And I'm sorry I called you a weenie...And I'm sorry, I didn't just say sorry right away. I'm not great at that, maybe. And I'm glad we're friends." Admitting that she is not great at apologizing right away- or generally acknowledging others' feelings and when she's hurt them- is a big step for Louise.

I know some fans are kind of tired of "Louise learns a lesson" stories, of which "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy" is certainly one, but I don't mind them, if they are actually entertaining and if the lesson stays learned. After all, if a show is going to be on the air for over a decade, why not let the characters have some growth and development?

Act 3 of "The Amazing Rudy" shows that Louise did learn a lesson from "House of 1,000 Bounces" and "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy". In "The Amazing Rudy", without Rudy saying anything specific directly to her, Louise alone among the Belchers realizes just how stressed out Rudy is and why. There is some really great, subtle writing, voice acting, and especially animation, that shows that Louise understands that something is troubling Rudy more than he is willing to admit. After he slips up and talks about the food he ordered, you can hear her suspicion and concern when she asks: "What you ordered?" Then, in Act 3, when Bob is getting ready to drive Rudy back to the restaurant, you can see that Louise is paying attention to Rudy, keeping her eyes on him the whole time, while not saying anything until she proposes her idea about walking back to the restaurant with him. She is the only one of the Belchers to recognize what is truly bothering Rudy- which he may not even have been able to articulate himself: that he feels lonely.

Bob and Linda are clearly (and reasonably) looking at Rudy's situation from a concerned parent's perspective: everything will be okay if Rudy is back with his parents who are worried about him. in Act 3, Tina seems to be very much sitting at the adults' table (metaphorically)- worrying about Vicki's pants and if Bob has his keys. Gene's focus is primarily on getting back to his baked potato lasagna. None of this is to understate how kind the other Belchers are to Rudy in the episode- but at that moment, none of them are as focused on him as Louise is.

In "The Amazing Rudy" neither Rudy, nor any other character, says that he feels lonely or isolated- but its clear from the episode that that is one of his real sources of sadness in that story. He is a kid surrounded by adults who are kind of focused on their own stuff- the scene where they are waiting for their table is the best visual illustration of this but their are others- for example, the multiple conversations where he is in the backseat and his dad is in the front. And then when his parents and their partners are literally on the same level as him- when they are all sitting down for dinner, he feels that he has to be center of attention to make the situation less awkward. He has to perform as The Amazing Rudy (or Rudy the Illusionary Visionary).

What Rudy really needs throughout the story is a friend- and Louise recognizes this without him having to say it. And she not only recognizes the cause of his pain- she comes up with a way to address it, by going back to the restaurant with him.

From "House of 1,000 Bounces" to "The Amazing Rudy", Louise goes from ignoring-and perhaps not even noticing- that Rudy is upset because she took over his birthday party with her bounce house scheme to recognizing and coming up with a plan to address a pain Rudy is feeling that he does not (perhaps cannot) even articulate. And, to me, this doesn't seem unrealistic or out of the blue. Rather, it seems like a logical growth of their friendship, building on "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy", as well as other episodes, with plots or subplots about their friendship that I haven't really talked about ("The Hawkening"; "Bob Actually", among others) and other non-Rudy-focused episodes that show how Louise is developing to be a more emotionally aware person ("Flu-ouise", "Thelma and Louise Except Thelma is Linda", "Prank You For Being A Friend". etc.).

Rudy and Louise's friendship is not the focus of "Bob's Burgers". Not even close. I did the math once, and I think Rudy's in just over 10% of the show's episodes. But I still think that, with Rudy and Louise, the show has done one of the best jobs of developing a friendship on television- from classmates who didn't really know each other, to friends who are still learning about each other and figuring out how to communicate, to friends who can pickup on each other's nonverbal cues and know just the right thing to do.

And I love that.

(P.S.: Someday, I will be able to think about this episode without tearing up. That day is not today.)

[madlad-sadgal]

I got bored again, so for the third time, here are random things I noticed throughout my rewatch of Nimona.

As always, Nimona Spoilers!

To start off, a few people pointed out how the first time Nimona shows up on screen, we see her doing a graffiti of the word dumb. Also, rewatching some of the scenes, in the scene where she shows the new murder wall, you can make out the word "Nemesis" written over Ambrosius' picture. Also, if you look at the very top of the wall, we can see a drawing of Bal's prosthetic with flames coming out of it with the words "Literal Firearm" written under it. So, I rethought it, and realized Gloreth was probably the first human Nimona had ever seen (as far as we know), so Gloreth probably taught her to speak, write and read, except this was a thousand years ago, and language constantly evolves, and we can all agree that "From whence you came" and "Nemesis" aren't really phrases or words people seem to use. So, I think Nimona probably has some knowledge when it comes to reading and writing, both thanks to Gloreth and just picking up bits and pieces throughout those 1000 years, but she still has trouble when it comes to full on writing actual long phrases to create like an essay or something like a resume.

When she pins back Am's picture on the wall, we see a post it with "Disrupt the System" written and highlighted on it.

We get a hint that Nimona might be "Gloreth's monster" when we see a drawing of her in dragon form that kinda resembles the dragon we see at the beginning in the scrolls.

When Bal calls Nim a monster, there is literally a newspaper cut out on the wall next to him with his picture and the word "Monster" written on it.

We get a bit of insight on the type of pressure Ambrosius suffers from when we get back to the Institute. All the other knights seem to think it's his fault for not having stopped Bal from escaping, despite a whole horde of knights chasing after him and not one of them even coming close to stopping him from escaping either. The other knights, despite probably not knowing the full extent of it, seem to be aware of the close relationship between the two of them, putting him under even more pressure because of that small fact.

When the Director stops the fight between Ambrosius and Todd, she tells them; "Look at you, acting like common children." Reminder that everyone is fully aware that Bal was a commoner and is currently suspected to having killed the queen. She is basically telling them; "Those people are very clearly below us and one of them is a murderer and a villain, and yet you are acting like them."

When Am volunteers to lead the manhunt for Bal, we can clearly see him go slightly worried for Bal as Todd is talking about how he'll make Bal pay. He probably volunteered because he wanted to lessen the chances of Bal getting hurt.

Like I mentioned in another post, Nimona often tries to get Bal to understand that the Institute is filled lies, but not by directly telling him. She starts by giving little hints. One example of him is when she tries to tell him that maybe there's nothing over the wall. I talk about it more in this post.

Nimona's little pink streak in her hair

Nimona is quick enough to go up an escalator that goes down, but a literal knight who has gone through harsh training isn't.

Todd knows that Am's hair smells like lavender. In flower language, lavender is associated with purity, silence, devotion, caution, serenity, grace and calmness. That sounds an awful lot like qualities the Institute would expect a direct descendant of Gloreth to posses, doesn't it?

I'll stop here, cause this is starting to get long.

Unrelated, but I decided to watch Nimona with my siblings (13, 7 and 5) and they all loved it. The best part for me was that my homophobic aunt watched the bit where Bal and Am kiss, started freaking out that I was pushing it onto them, and then my 13 years old brother just commented about how she kept forcing him to watch her romance movies with her and was always pushing him to "get a girlfriend for them to meet" and she just shut up and left. Just wanted to put that out there.

Might make another one of these if y'all like this!

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

(this show and these books are insane and inspiring - spoilers for both seasons)

Season 1 episode 5 [A Vile Hunger For Your Hammering Heart] - part 1/2

- Previously... Trouble in the Unholy Family.

- Hey, did y'all notice that the intro card, the red sky with the skyline, actually changes? I was rewatching some parts of s2 and noticed that the skyline is different cities, but some buildings disappear from one episode to another.

- *wheezes* What the hell is this opening. Loumand indulging in some exhibitionism for Daniel while Daniel's going through Claudia's exploits. Hilarious. This show is a comedy, I swear. Holy shit, look at Armand's face, he's having the time of his life. And Louis doesn't give a shit, man wants his blood and that's it. Freaks. I love them.

[Daniel] "I'm trying to think of something more fucked up than this." - I don't know, what's going on in front of you maybe? *dies of laughter*

- [Rashid/Armand] "'And how is your work any different? Well, what do you think will happen to Mr du Lac when you publish this book, when the other vampires of the world get their hands on it?' [Daniel] 'As long as they pay full freight.' [Rashid/Armand] 'They will make their way to Dubai. They will scale the sides of this building, force their way inside, and paint the walls with his blood. You are chronicling a suicide. Do not look down on Claudia. Look in the mirror.'"

... Hey, Armand? Pot meets kettle. Don't pretend you care about Claudia. You could stop this any time you want. You're enjoying this, you're enjoying Louis' pain, you're thinking that the book will never see the light of day, that you're in control of the entire narrative, that you can stop this any time you want, that nothing will come out of this enterprise. You're thinking that if, if it comes to this, you'll get to play hero and "save" Louis' life again, and thus tie him even more to yourself. You're assisting that suicide, Armand. You just think that you're in control of the dosage. Look in the mirror.

- [Louis] "Honey and pineapple. He stuffs himself with both for days before he offers himself to me." - Lou baby I love you but you are insane. And also there are things you'd do better to keep in your head, actually. This whole roleplay thing is crazy. I'm imagining Daniel thinking back on these moments after he's turned and just going "what in the seven hells was that".

- [Rashid/Armand] "I care for him more than I care for himself." - oooh, did you guys notice that quick side glance Louis throws at Armand there? That line is Armand being genuine and Louis going "hey dear that's not in the script, what are you saying". Louis is done with both Armand and Daniel, he's being very bitchy and mean.

- What'd that bird do to you, Louis? Leave the poor birdy alone.

Aw, how the tableturns have turned, or however that expression goes. Now you're trying to get her to feed when you made Lestat's life hell refusing to eat yourself...

- Lestat reading and mocking Claudia's diary = Damon Salvatore reading and mocking Stefan and Elena's diaries (my first vampire show was Vampire Diaries, sorry, can't escape your past and all that).

- Oof, Claudia shattering the mirror and Louis being the cautious, angry one for once. Family's in trouble. And then the river of corpses... Oh, trouble, trouble all around.

- Ugh. Tom fucking Anderson is back. When does he die again because he's ugh.

- [Anderson] "Every single one of those corpses had some soft part of it lopped off. Finger here, a foot there... a toe." - yeah, I'm good with blood, but body parts? Claudia's trophies? That is actually stomach turning.

- [Lestat] "One each" - power couuuuuple. Look at them go! Unstoppable when they finally work together, and so in synch. That's what we like to see! Also let's just get rid of Anderson now, thanks.

- Oh, man, Claudia being drunk when the cops are searching the house, half comedy, half horror show. And then the real horror starts as she gathers her trophies. Ah, fuck, I had forgotten about the half dead guy in the closet. She craaaazy.

- [Lestat] "You wanted her, you fix her!" - when one of your parent tells the other "that's your child" when you do or behave in a way they hate. Classic parent stuff.

[Louis] "'We're doing this together.' [Lestat] 'Do you remember our life, how happy we were before her?' [Louis] 'Happy? We were not happy!' [Lestat] 'An anvil, tied around our ankles, pulling us towards the pitch-black ocean floor.'"

Ouch. You ever hear your parents fighting because of you, blaming you for their issues? Yeah... Can't say I blame Claudia for going off the rails.

- [Claudia] "Who am I supposed to love? You two have each other. Who's my Lestat? Who's my Louis? I'm not human. What human would want me? Perverts? Like the uncle at the rooming house who used to watch me pee? Or little boys? And 40 years from now... still little boys? How are you gonna fix it, huh? Which one of you gonna fuck me?!"

Hey, more of Claudia's fucked up backstory. 'You broke it, you fix it', except they can't even begin to understand what's broken, because she's right, they've got each other, even when they fight, that's Louis-and-Lestat, Lestat-and-Louis, they can't even understand why she's so mad and so sad and so angry. Kinda like when allosexual alloromantic people tell you, an aro ace person "but you don't love?" - bitch, I do love, I just don't wanna date anybody, thanks. L&L to Claudia: "but we're a family, we're rich and we're powerful, why are you not happy". Claudia: "bitch, maybe because I'm stuck as a kid for the rest of eternity while my mind and spirit age and I gotta see you two romance each other every fucking night while knowing that nobody will ever want to romance me?".

- [Claudia] "'I'm gonna go out there and find other vampires.' [Lestat] 'If you could find them, which you won't, they would shred you to strips, because you are build like a bird, because you are a mistake.'"

Bedside manners, Lestat. You know the worst thing, Lestat does warn here that she'd be in danger, but he does it in such a mocking, cruel manner that obviously she doesn't believe him and doesn't even take him seriously.

- Louis' dejected scoff when Lestat tells him he's killing Antoinette soon. These madmen are so bad at communicating.

- [Louis] "We made her out of remorse, out of selfishness." - ah, the self-awareness brought by a century of reflecting on your past. But what's that "we", Louis? You wanted her out of remorse, as your penance, your redemption for your sins and mistakes. Lestat made her out of love and pity for you.

- [Daniel] "'Poor dear. She wasn't held enough in between ritualistic murders.' [Louis] 'She spent every night for half a decade with no friends, locked in the emotional storm of puberty.' [Daniel] 'Look, Charlie Manson wrote a couple of beautiful songs. Still, he was Charlie Manson.' [Louis] 'Is that all you think of her?' [Daniel] 'Mostly. I also think she makes you and Frenchy look like a couple of whiny, existential queens. Probably why she's a fucking goldmine. The girl who moves a million books.' [Louis] 'I won't have her exploited.' [Daniel] 'Won't matter what your intentions are. It's the world out there now. She's the - the... single-shooter, Xbox, mouth-breather shit they crave.'"

Daniel's right. Look at us, we fucking love Claudia. She's a psycho, she's murderous, she's cold-blooded... She's our babygirl. She's our bicon. She's the moment. We love her because she's unhinged and feral and unapologetic about her pain and anger.

I love this writing, how it totally recontextualizes the whole story in the 21st century. Book!Claudia is disturbing, little blond angel with blood on her teeth, the eternal child with the wisdom and anger of a grown woman. Show!Claudia is pure attraction and mass adoration, the symbol of teenage angst with all of a lifetime of anger and rebellion. We relate to her, we the generations that have had to grow up so fast while simultaneously stunted, can't find jobs but expected to be way more qualified than our parents, can't buy a house but gotta be way more independent and resourceful and crafty than our elders. The whole world at our fingertips but completely unable to reach it, stuck in an eternal loop of doom and gloom as we watch the world burn without having the slightest power to stop it.

And of course Daddy Lou still wants to protect her from that, even in death, still sees her as his precious little daughter/sister who needs sheltering and safeguarding, even after she tells him she's not that kid anymore.

Well, that was heavy. Doom and gloom indeed. Don't think part 2 will get any better.

episode 1 | episode 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | part 2 | episode 6 | episode 7

[gent-ly]

Holy shit, holy shit, the first chapter is so so good!! Your writing is so vivid; visceral in the way you describe what Prapai is feeling and thinking, and I'm really looking forward to where this goes because in a way LITA left us a bit too quickly and there's a part of me that wanted a bit more lingering on the hurt!!

Payu's support from the get-go is <3. I loved seeing hints of how they have each other's back in the show and it was good to see Payu validating the need for revenge/still being the voice of reason to talk to Sky and sleep on it.

Umph love the evidence to Sky's handling it better - he's been through this before, so he kinda knows how to manage it, at least in the moments between flashbacks. Also that he's choosing to refuse to let Gun dictate his life this time. He's so... strong. And of course Prapai says that but you're showing it really well here.

Sky still being able to ask for what he wants (both emotionally and physically) felt like such relief to read and I love how much Prapai communicates in the moment and directly after. Like ofc he'd be the kind to run his mouth during sex, but its also so important for Sky to know exactly what he's thinking and feeling and just how much he's loved and I think you really captured that so well! And the aftercare in Prapai checking in and reassuring and the confidence that Sky expresses but also honestly talks about the intrusive thoughts. It was so good to read how 'knowing' the truth doesn't always stop your brain from telling you lies when you've believed them for so long. Thank you for allowing Sky to know and yet not necessarily be 'fixed' because that... feels really true to life.

Ohhh the last section with Prapai: "wears his anger to the gym" is such a good good line. So is "finds his anger where he left it, in the shadows of his bedroom wall" - I remember at the start of the fic hoping you were setting up a callback moment <3.

/sigh. I get Prapai's reasoning for not saying anything but... there's a part of me that wishes and hopes he will include Sky in this. But for storyline, even character reasons I can see why he wouldn't. Still, Sky's going to be caught up in the aftermath whether he likes it or not and it's not fair that he goes in blind.

The frequent mention of the bruising throughout really gets to me - Gun/his friends was so cruel with how much he kept hitting Sky. And makes me remember poor, brave Sky who fought and fought until he thought Prapai had something to do with him being in the situation (even for a moment). It's... very effective to help the reader understand Prapai's headspace right now.

The evening sun is gold and the light touches every corner of the room. There’s no space for shadows. No place for Sky’s fretful hands. No room for doubt of Prapai’s love.

This was so beautiful and beautifully written. I just wish (for their sake) that they could've lived in that a bit longer.

Thank you for sharing your writing. It truly is such a pleasure and privilege to read. Really looking forward to seeing where you take this and continuing to cheer you on!!

i just woke up to this and know my day will be a good one thanks to you! thank you so much for taking the time to write this and share your thoughts with me! it means a lot!

i am so glad you picked up on the callbacks and the little motifs throughout. every time i rewrite it’s too ensure the story is consistent, that these little details that matter to me aren’t overlooked. so glad my efforts aren’t wasted!

when i rewatched lita recently i was thinking throughout of the few times they reference some level of involvement with pakin and chai. for example how chai comes to phayu and rain’s aid because phayu is pakin’s best engineer. and i just thought, damn, that’s a lot of trouble they go to, to help out precious engineer’s kidnapped bf 🤔 and then his agreement with pai in the end that pai will race? like bro is already doing that? it’s not a big enough sacrifice for what they’re asking for, in my opinion. so i wanted to drag it out a little. i want to see how prapai and sky will act when things get serious in a way that’s kind of… bigger than them? idk. we’ll find out i guess haha. but yes i thought it was important phayu be involved because he seems to have the stronger connection to pakin anyway. annnnd i wanted more of their friendship!!!

it’s so important to me that sky’s strength carries through to this second incident. of course he’s going to be knocked back. of course his low self esteem and self worth issues aren’t going anywhere but boy was so strong after the first time… like he straightened himself out and worked damn hard at school and yes, a lot of it was probably avoidance of the issue but still. he did that, basically by himself. this time, though, he has the best support team in the world. which means he can move forward but he can take his time with it, too, because he’s safe enough to feel how much all this has affected him. do u get me? like he has the freedom to hurt now. in his own way, at his own pace, in the safety of a loving environment.

i am a sucker for good communication. i cant help myself!! but i think they’re a very honest couple anyway so it fits. but i suppose you’ll just have to wait and see what prapai chooses to do with his little secret. 🤫

thank u again for ur thoughts & support <3

[anonzentimes]

Hi there! I stumbled across your blog randomly, and I’m so glad I did. I’ve gotten into DR recently and I’ve been hooked on Nagito’s character for many of the reasons you are! I’ve already read a few of your analyses and I love them, it’s amazing getting more insight into one of my favorite DR characters from someone who really understands him!

I’m not sure if you’ve already done this, but if it’s not too much trouble, do you think you can do an analysis on just how fucking smart Nagito is? I think he’s one of the most intelligent and observant characters in DR2. I’m rewatching DR2 and bro lk carries the trials with his hints, a lot of times it seems he figured out the culprit before anyone else. That’s not even mentioning the entirety of Chapter 5!

Sorry if this is a weird ask, it’s an aspect of Nagito’s character that I personally don’t really see talked about too much (then again I haven’t been in the fandom for that long lol) I’d love to hear your thoughts! Thanks again for all your lovely analyses!

I’d just like to start this out by saying sorry it’s taken me a while to answer this, I like to articulate big stuff like this when I’m able to and less tired (at my best) so apologies for the wait!

Thank you so much! I’m really happy you enjoy my rambles, especially as someone who just got into the series! I’m honored to be told I understand him by so many people since he means so much to me. Your request actually hasn’t been asked before so don’t worry! I’ll try my best to express that Nagito is Really Smart, and god Is he Really smart.

I don’t know why he ended up so intelligent, but I like to believe that from thinking so much and forming his beliefs it caused him to be pretty smart. That paired with the obvious life experiences that his luck gives him, and just being born with that type of mind results in him being pretty smart. Honestly I want to say I think Nagito is a very emotionally strong character for going so much trauma and still at the end of the day being able to form a coping mechanism and live on, or if you want to put it into other words to be able hold onto hope despite everything. But of course, too much of anything is a bad thing and over time it becomes obsessive and unhealthy as we can see. He’s also extremely tragic in that sense as well. But anyways, that’s all just to say I think Nagito’s insane life experience helped him become smarter. He also seems to read as a hobby, given how there are an immense amount of books in his cottage. If I recall he also spends a lot of his time at the library on the island usually, but the books in his room are already enough to support the fact he reads anyways. This is to say I’m sure his intelligence is also helped by how he reads lots of books.

So far this has all been my thoughts on how Nagito became to be such a smart person, but now I want to talk about some of the things he actually does with it. For starters, I feel like there’s something to be said about how he through living his unfortunate life understands he has luck and uses it to his advantage. He views himself in a very negative way that isn’t entirely setting himself to the standard of the talentless, not that he’d ever be outright aggressive to the talentless, or with the talented to him he’s in this worthless middle ground. He’s low enough where he would criticize the talentless for being too bold or not being a stepping stone given the hierarchy be believes in, but he also isn’t entirely equivalent given he does have a talent. He just believes his talent is awful because it has given him so much trauma and more so killed everyone he’s ever loved, but even so he uses it to his advantage and uses it as “the one thing he’s capable at,” although he would never use it for selfish reasons given how selfless he is. This is all to say that he’s incredibly smart for not only recognizing this, but coming up with plans and ways to achieve his goals by using his own luck. It’s his thing, be believes it’s awful and by extension he is worthless himself, but it’s the thing he has and he uses it, trusts it, and relies on it whole heartedly. He’s able to achieve his goals by abusing his luck, and the plans he comes up with to use his luck to get an outcome he wants showcases just how Intelligent he really is constantly. In Danganronpa 3 when he wants to postpone the test because he wants everyone to be at their best, he comes up with an entire plan for multiple options if some of them fail to get what he wants to achieve. He knows due to his luck that he will get what he wants by following through with any of these plans, and thinks of possible ways he can get what he wants. In Chapter 1 of Danganronpa 2 he relies on his luck, figures out what to do, and plans everything out using his intelligence. His good luck directly impacts him while his bad luck usually impacts everybody else unless it has nobody to go after, so in that case his plan technically doesn’t work like how he hoped but he still got what he wanted in the end. Nagito is able to also entirely clear the final dead room easily with his intelligence, and again relies on his luck because he’s smart enough to understand how his own luck works to use it. The biggest display of intelligence probably is the entire suicide he plans out, I don’t think I even have to say much on it for the point to be conveyed that he’s INCREDIBLY smart for being able to come up with something so elaborate. Just like the things i’ve mentioned here, he trusts his luck in the process. But the way that his plan doesn’t work, the way that it fails unexpectedly is that Hajime despite being so conflicted is able to finally not put it aside and use his understanding of Nagito to put himself in his shoes, see the world how he thinks, and solve the case. He has to trust in Nagito’s luck like Nagito does, something that he couldn’t have accounted for, to solve the case. That’s one of the major reasons Chapter 5 is so amazing, we have to trust his luck just like he does to get to the bottom of things. Even so, all of these things are a testament to just how smart he really is. This isn’t even mentioning how he’s smart enough to know things about the case, help out, but not fully solve it for them because his goals center around seeing the ultimates shine and be more capable than he can be, at least he believes he can’t be as capable but his beliefs are what actually hold him back. He is incredibly smart and this is shown time and time again, he is a wonderful character and his intelligence is only one aspect that contributes to how amazing and interesting he is.

He’s incredibly observant as well. He’s more observant than he is able to fully grasp social cues, or more so due to his absolute beliefs it prevents him from fully grasping other people’s perspective and his trauma making him more numb results in difficulty coming off as he intends to mostly when he’s at his worst or coping. For this reason he is usually the outcast but doesn’t understand the true reason he is hated and just thinks it’s because of the factual hierarchy, his absolute beliefs, he doesn’t usually comprehend things that center around them not being believed or being factual and is conflicted or frustrated when things put them into question or go against it. I try to explain this and bring it up because he relies on observation of people’s reactions more than anything. He is extremely observant in general and he uses his observations especially in social situations to help himself. Even when he doesn’t understand the reason why or feels it is an out of place reaction because he doesn’t fully understand the other’s perspective, he can absolutely observe other people fully. This is mostly just an add on to everything else in my massive statement to express how smart he is, but I just want to mention how observant he is. It helps him with solving cases and social situations extremely often. It also is shown how absolute his beliefs are by how his observations sometimes confuse him or cause him to feel as if the hierarchy is proven right because he cannot see it as anything but fact because he is so far gone. Most people believe in the hierarchy subconsciously but he believes in it as fact and is more expressive and honest in general as a person. Anyway, again, just main point here is he’s incredibly observant.

Hopefully this is a good short summary or way to express how intelligent he is, if there’s anything more you’d like me to cover about his intelligence that you think I missed or didn’t summarize well enough let me know! Sorry again that this has taken a while. Side note: I’m just posting this without revising it much, so I may edit it later or remove typos but for the most part if there’s any weird wordings or typos sorry about that, haha! I don’t have the time to revise it at the moment.

Thank you for your ask!!! <3

[mirageofadesert]

Looking back on my first year as a c-drama fan!

This year I fell - first down a flight of stairs - and then (because I couldn't walk properly for a few weeks) down a rabbit hole of cdramas!

In total, I have watched 28 dramas since May. I actually finished 17 of them. I re-watched 8 of them at least once. My most rewatched show is Till The End Of The Moon, followed by Love Is Sweet and The Untamed!

Shows I loved

Till The End of The Moon: This drama triggered my hyperfixation, and I still love it so much. Tantai Jin became my new obsession.

Love is Sweet: This one surprised me because I don't usually care for romantic dramas. It made me more open to different genres.

The Untamed: I watched this for the first time in 2019, and now I can appreciate it even more.

The Sleuth of Ming Dynasties: It took me several tries to get into the drama because the political setting was too complicated. I'm glad I didn't give up. Wang Zhi became one of my favorites!

New Life Begins: I was just looking for something light in between and was quite surprised how much I liked the show.

Things I learned as a newbie:

Cdramas are an acquired taste. Sometimes it's worth going back to a drama that you initially gave up on.

To avoid spoilers, it's best to skip the intro and especially the outro.

I love my characters unhinged.

Apparently it is okay to share leaks from filming.

Never believe anything that comes from yxh accounts.

Shippers are toxic in any fandom.

C-drama fans are a bit older than K-pop fans, but they can be just as unhinged and have trouble distinguishing between how to treat actors and the fictional characters they play.

My ADHD is better regulated when I watch shows in a foreign language while reading the subtitles. I don't get bored watching TV, which is rare!

Shows I dropped, and what I learned from it:

Hidden Love: I still don't like romances that have no significant plot beyond the relationship. Especially if I don't care about the characters at all.

Back from the Brink: Sometimes dramas that start well become an unwatchable, rage-inducing mess halfway through, and it's not worth sticking it out to the end.

Beauty of Resilience: I'm a character-driven audience. If the characters aren't compelling and the story isn't interesting, I don't care about the show.

Ashes of Love: I hate childish FL with baby voices and naive personalities. I need better written female characters. I'm on my 3rd attempt to watch this show and I only have a handful of episodes left, so I'll actually make it to the end (eventually).

I've dropped a lot more shows and actually watched some to the end that I didn't like very much in the end, but those are the ones I learned the most from.

What will stay with me:

Tantai Jin: I'm still obsessed with this character. He is everything I need in a fictional character.

Luo Yunxi: This will come as no surprise to anyone who follows me, but my obsession with TTJ soon extended to Luo Yunxi.

Bai Lu & Sun Zhenni: While I appreciate both of them as actors, it's their fun and uninhibited personalities that made me fall in love with them!!

Costumes: I adore the detailed costumes and hanfu styles, and do prefer costume dramas to modern ones.

Food & drinks: I'm now looking into more Chinese foot now and how to cook vegetables in more interesting ways. I also bought "moon cake stamps"... so wish me luck!

New online acquaintances: I have made some new friends online who I can fangirl with to my heart's content!

What I'm looking forward to in 2024:

I'm really looking forward to Luo Yunxi's upcoming dramas, Follow You Heart, Shui Long Yin and Immortality (🤡). I'm also looking forward to Sun Zhenni's first leading role!

There are still many dramas I want to watch, but haven't found the time for. Like A Journey to Love, Goodbye, My Princess, Nirvana in Fire, Then Miles of Peach Blossoms and The Blood of Youth.

I'm not sure what else I'll post here next year. Probably more reviews and content related to my favourite actors. Let's see if something triggers my hyperfixation soon!

Happy New Year!

[lord-aldhelm]

Why Aldhelm in Season 2 was the GOAT

An essay by Lord-Aldhelm

Y'all... I wasn't going to post this but I guess I will now haahaa! Thanks to that convo with @errruvande @bilbotargaryen that convinced me to post this rant.

I kind of talked about this before in previous posts but I wanted to kind of gather all my thoughts into one place and make a post about this.

These are my thought on the character so you are forewarned. Read below if you really want to.....

So I have seen *a lot* of people say that they didn't like Aldhelm in season 2, but the character grew on them and he went from one they hated to one of their beloved characters. And that is great! He really did experience a hell of a character arc and grew a lot.

But I don't believe Aldhelm was ever a villain. I know in the books he was one, and did some truly horrific things. But Show!Aldhelm is a completely different character, and even though Season 2 was supposed to follow the books pretty closely, he still was changed a lot. I won't go into any details for those of you who haven't read the books, but it will be obvious he is a completely different character.

So, I never clocked Aldhelm as a bad guy, even in Season 2. He never gave me any bad vibes, even on my first watch-through. It is easy for me to say this now since I love him to pieces, but I can honestly say that even when he was new to me, I never thought of him as a bad guy. Sure he *seemed* to be, but him making a bunch of silly faces doesn't make him a villain. He looked like a scheming sycophant, and was overshadowed by Aethelred. I honestly did not think much of his character until Season 3 when he started to blossom in his own right and really started to become someone who I fell in love with. But after rewatching Season 2 so many times, I have really come to appreciate him as an interesting character with his own depth.

1. Aldhelm is actually in charge

In rewatching Season 2, I noticed that Aldhelm was the one who did all of the talking for Aethelred, while Aethelred just stood there silently and let him do it. It was always Aldhelm who addressed King Alfred, it was Aldhelm who spoke to Lord Odda and to Aethelwold when there was a conflict. And when Aethelred was knocked out cold, it was Aldhelm who led the negotiations with the Thurgilson brothers. He really was ruling with Aethelred was making an ass out of himself, being a deviant, and getting everyone into trouble with his stupid decisions. What king would allow his advisor to do all the talking for him while he stands there without a word? It is so weird. But if he didn't, nothing would get done otherwise.

Additionally, Aldhelm had to clean up his mess and do it with grace. He was basically like "OK this is how we get out of this and not look like fools." Which comes across as scheming and manipulative, and perhaps it is. But Aethelred was totally incompetent, and someone had to get shit done. What I think goes over a lot of people's heads about their "relationship" is that Aldhelm was Aethelred's sworn oathman. In those days, and in the Saxon culture (also other Germanic cultures at the time), your word was legally binding. It was taken seriously, and you could not break it. The cost of treason was death, and if Aldhelm had defied Aethelred, he could he executed. Which amazes me just how sassy and outspoken Aldhelm was in Season 2 especially. He was *not afraid* to speak his mind, to Aethelred or anyone else, and clearly was not afraid of consequences. This speaks volumes to how poor of a leader Aethelred was, too.

2. Aldhelm didn't really do anything wrong

This is kind of subjective but hear me out. Aldhelm literally did not do anything wrong in Season 2. There were two events that people like to point out as examples of him being "evil" or whatever, but I see it differently.

2a. Wanting to take over Wessex

Aldhelm to Aethelred, 2.06

Everything Aldhelm did, he did for Mercia. During his lifetime, he had borne witness to the Great Heathen Army invading Mercia, seeing King Burgred expelled by the Danes, the Danes installing their own puppet king with Ceowulf, the eastern half of Mercia ceded into Danelaw, and Mercia losing its sovereignty to King Alfred, who made Mercia a vassal state of Wessex. Mercia was crumbling under weak and ineffective leaders, first being lost to the Danes from the north and the Saxons to the south. He had enough.

It is hardly wrong for him to want Mercia to have its own independent king once more. And it is not wrong for him to want to take over Wessex. He didn't even suggest killing Alfred outright, just waiting for him to pass on his own accord, either from illness or injury, and then using that opportunity to take over while Wessex was weak. It is EXACTLY what King Alfred did to Mercia when King Ceolwulf died. Two countries under one king; at this point it didn't matter if it was the Wessex king or the Mercian one. The only flaw in Aldhelm's plan was that he backed the wrong horse; Aethelred was just as weak and ineffective as the kings who came before him.

It is sad to me that Aldhelm is cast as a villain for literally wanting the same thing that Alfred did.

2b. Dealing with Aethelflaed's Abduction

"My advice to you, Lord, is to rescue her by all means. But not at a price that will cut our throats" Aldhelm to Aethelred, 2.07

Aethelflaed has been abducted by the Thurgilson brothers. They will demand a huge ransom for her release; and in fact even if they get the gold and silver they demand there is not guarantee that they will release her. But even if they do, by giving into their demands, the Mercians and Saxons seal their fate, funding the very warlords that will turn around and destroy them. It is not a smart move.

Lord Odda had suggested to King Alfred that Aethelflaed allow herself to be martyred to save the kingdom from such a fate. What Aldhelm suggests is literally the same thing. "We will try our best to rescue her, but we cannot allow Mercia to be destroyed just to rescue one person." It is sensible advice, in my opinion, even if it comes across as callous.

It was Aethelred's stupidity that caused her to be captured in the first place. Aldhelm even said as much.

One has to wonder if Aldhelm tried to talk him out of bringing Aethelflaed to the campsite and he refused to listen. "It is a choice, lord, between appearing lovesick or foolish." No matter what, Aethelred will look bad in this situation. Aldhelm tried to do some damage control by shifting the blame to Uhtred. The only thing he really did "wrong" here was using a bad situation to try to be in their favor, by hoping that Alfred would blame Uhtred for Aethelflaed's abduction and thus removing his strongest warrior from the picture. Of course that didn't work. And it was a good thing too because it was Uhtred and Odda who ended up saving her without the need to spend all the gold and silver in Saxon England.

[c0ntr0l-c0re-angel]

Hi hi I wanted to ask for your deconstruction of Rhys. I love him to bits but I think it clouds my perspective and I would love an outside perspective on how to write him >.<

Hi!!

To start off, I am obviously not a professional, but i do have over 10 years of writing experience, and I like to think I’m pretty good! Take everything I say with a grain of salt, and I encourage you to come to some of your own conclusions as well :)

Splat, the co-owner of this account, has some things to say too! Rhys is one of his favorites, so he’ll tell you some things about him, and I’ll add some writing tips at the end.

Even though the choices you make can affect his personality in tales, there still is a lot of core features that remain the same through most, if not all playthroughs.

He's extremely loyal to his friends, it’s obvious that they're crucial to not only his arc but his characters, and he is quick to defend and help them to the best of his abilities.

Rhys does display fear in many situations in tales, especially in the starting episodes, but I believe he's a brave character. Despite being afraid, he moves forward regardless of that. If he WASN'T brave, he wouldn't have been able to brave some of Pandora's hardships. He's a lot more capable than people give him credit for.

He isn't without flaw, of course. he's ambitious, and he can be a real asshole. BUT, that doesn't erase the fact that he tries his best to be somewhat kind as well. The two statements can exist at once. We read a book analysis on the Borderlands franchise pre-bl3 that talked about how his masculinity is portrayed differently from most other boderlands men. (The book is called Ain’t No Place For a Hero, check it out.) It elaborates on the good in him, and despite starting out the story AS a "villian", he still has an actual heroic [kind, good, etc.] nature. As opposed to Jack, he is a foil in that way.

Rhys' is a very complex character, I don't blame people for having many interpertations. I think many of them can be good, and even I have some trouble writing him sometimes. Balancing out his core traits definitely helps, and not leaning too much into once of them can help lots.

-Splat

I concur!! lol

Anyway, they are right. The key to writing any canon character is to rewatch the series and take notes! Think about him as a 3D box instead of a 2D one. He has personality traits like ambition, yes, but there is always a reason for his ambition. He’s not just blindly like that- everyone was nurtured to act, or BE, a certain way

Is he a coward for being afraid of Vasquez, of Hyperion, or is he a brave guy for pushing through the fear to do what he believes he needs to do. Based off of that, you can keep expanding. He’s headstrong- he does what he needs to do because he BELIEVES he either deserves it, or it’s what he wants for him and his friends.

Speaking of his friends, at every turn in Tales, if you go what I consider to be the canon route (being that you refuse Jack at the end of the game) he chooses them over his end goal. This proves while he is headstrong- he’s not blind. He loves his friends, and is willing to sacrifice everything he ever wanted to keep them safe- which means he’s caring above being ambitious.

These are all personality traits you can pull from moments in the game. Your best friend when writing Rhys is to think of him as an onion. Yes, i’m quoting Shrek. He has layers- ambition and swagger on top- but when you peel it back, at his core, he does his best to do what he thinks is right (after leaving Hyperion).

Just keep in mind that every character does everything for a reason, and reread when you’re not sure you’ve done something right.

-Doglin

(and a good tip for writing dialogue is to repeat it with his voice in your head, and see if it sounds like him)

[hinata-boke]

Hi! When did you get into hq? Have you had trouble with waning interest over time, or how do you keep your passion fresh?

hi!! i first watched haikyuu at around the end of 2019, where i just binge watched all of season 1-3. i enjoyed it a lot and thought it was really really good, but somehow i didn't get into it then. i just kind of said "oh they weren't kidding about it being good", and didn't engage with or create much fancontent. (a couple of my friends liked it, one of them even started playing vball because of it in hs)

when s4 came out i watched the first few episodes as they came out but didn't actually keep up with it all the way!! i only ended up finishing season 4 sometime last year.

around 2022, my brother wanted to find an anime to watch with our family, and i thought haikyuu would be a good choice (especially for my mom) since i thought it was very wholesome, exciting sports fun with good characters. while i was rewatching i was one again like "hey this is really good" and i made this blog to post occasional drawings. this time i was more invested since i noticed more characters the second time around, and i was like oh there's a LOT of funny little guys in here

then i started doing 1hqaday on a whim after seeing some prompts for 15 and 30 day challenges, soon after finished s4 and read the manga and got VERY invested! (also i only started REALLY liking akaashi here lol) also i think having to find references for a whole bunch of characters and thinking about their significant moments while drawing them made me appreciate each of them more, and haikyuu as a whole.

compared to a lot of people id say im still relatively new to actually being a part of the fandom so i haven't dealt with much waning interest in my current phase (i dont count since the beginning since i wasn't originally that invested), but in the past i tended to cycle through main interests every year or so. haikyuu still seems to have a lot going on though, and i have SOOO many ideas i haven't drawn yet that i hope ill be able to stick around for quite a while!

(sorry for rambling)

[angeart]

I noticed you only have one post about your papers please au 👀 can I possibly convince you to share more about it? :3

-🎀

Hiiiii! Ooooh Papers Please au! Yess! 

I made it on a whim over a year ago when I was rewatching Random Encounters’ Papers Please: The musical (brb I am now obligated to watch it again).

This bit in there in particular, and the Ezic symbol reminding me of the Watcher one, kind of led into a Thought landslide:

"Join the revolution, now's the time to take a stand!"

"Listen sir you seem suspicious and extreme—"

"It's true, my covert goal's to overthrow the whole regime!"

Scar lives in Arstotzka, a country where his life is controlled and dictated. He doesn’t get to pick his profession, it is assigned to him, and it is arguably one of the worst possible fits for him. He is employed to do Border Control, which means reading comprehension, taking in lots of information, figuring out lies and discrepancies, and controlling who gets to enter the country at a time when things are becoming more and more dangerous. 

He doesn’t have a choice but to try his best, and his best… isn’t much. 

He tries to be amicable to people in trouble, he’s easily distracted, he doesn’t remember the growing list of absurd and complicated rules, and he struggles with reading the documents that he needs to check before he allows every single person’s entry. At the same time, every mistake costs him a pay dock, at a time when he already gets paid barely enough to survive—he has a cat, Jellie, to take care of too, helplessly trying to balance his finances between rent, utilities (especially heating), food and medicine for them both.

It’s miserable, because he’s not doing well at all, and he’s getting stressed out, because he knows he needs to do better. (Jellie relies on him!) 

He comes home to his cold apartment and he curls up with Jellie on the bed and he whispers his sorries. He  breaks down and cries, because he made many mistakes during his shift and he doesn’t have enough money to pay heating bills or to buy food. He buries his face in her soft fur, crying and apologising, and he’s so scared and helpless and— Why can’t he just do a better job?

It keeps going, like a never ending nightmare, day after day after day. He has so much anxiety piling up as his approve/deny stamps tremble in his clammy hands. Then he goes home; it’s dark, there’s no electricity, there’s no heat. He piles in the scraps of blankets and shivers as Jellie meows at him questioningly, expecting dinner he doesn’t have.

And he knows he has to do it all over tomorrow and hope for the best. Maybe this time he’ll be paid enough. Maybe this time he can get some food for Jellie—god, she’s getting thinner. 

He pulls her close and they both shiver and he doesn’t know what to do. There’s so many apologies night after night after night. He’s so tired of it. He’s so miserable. He hates feeling so powerless. Jellie deserves better.

This is where Boatem Resistance comes in (because of course there’s Boatem). They’re a ragtag bunch led by Grian, who is the one who talks to Scar at the border checkpoint, trying to sway him to their cause. His goal is to overthrow the regime!! (shocking, I know) 

So Grian comes and tells Scar there’s another way. They can work to change things. He can be happier, Jellie can be safer… It sounds like a pipe dream. Like manipulation and lies. It’s… a lot to take in.

If he joins the revolution—if it is even a real thing—it can only go two ways:

Either things get better,

or he loses everything.

Is it a risk worth taking?

He can’t sleep. He holds Jellie as she purrs pressed against his chest.

He can’t imagine losing her, but if he won’t try, he’s going to lose her anyway, isn’t he? (It’s such a dark and terrifying thought.) And it’d be his fault, for all of his ineptitudes. For not taking a chance when freely offered. 

Of course he ends up taking the deal. Grian basically wants Scar to illegally let in other people through the border. This means rule breaking, which would result in Scar getting his pay docked (and any blood shed will be on him, too, in a way), but the resistance compensates him for it. Better than his job actually pays!

Everything still feels precarious. He lets in someone with explosives, because he’s told to. Because that way Jellie can eat tonight.

But how many people will die as a result?

Does it actually change anything in the big scheme of things?

Isn’t his job to keep the country safe?

At night, he lies cuddled up to Jellie who’s quiet for once, fed and warm. In the early morning hours, there’s a faint, far away explosion. 

He wonders if he’s responsible. 

And yet he doesn’t stop. He keeps doing it, letting the resistance members in, despite knowing they will cause havoc and hurt people.

So much rests on Scar in all of this. He has to do what’s best for him and Jellie, but he struggles with thinking what’s best overall. The morality of it all.

And yet, somehow, over time, Scar finds himself worrying less about the country, and more about these resistance members potentially getting hurt in the scuffles instead. (Something something found family)

:3