#distorted thinking
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We lie to ourselves when we say we don’t need anyone. The truth is we crave intimacy but we also run from it, because intimacy scares us. Vulnerability scares us. When we think we’re not good enough, we leave before they leave us, even though deep inside we want to stay forever.
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#distorted thinking#trauma response#that’s the truth#thoughts#poetry#soulinkpoetry#feelings#she writes#poets on tumblr#that’s life#poets corner#writers and poets#relationships#friendships
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give me a good reason not to end it. one that i haven’t heard before. one that makes sense.
#mental health#bpd#my diary#quiet bpd#borderline pd#self awareness#self help#depression#mental wellbeing#borderline things#wellness#bpd mood#therapy#tw su1cide#distorted thinking#trigger warning#tw depression#tw self destructive behavior#tw sucidal ideation#tw selfh@rm
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Me: This isn’t meant as an insult but I still feel — WAIT…….
Loki: He’s getting it. I can see the gears turning.
Me: I’m taking this personally. This isn’t about me. I’m personalizing and projecting my trauma. That’s not ok.
Loki: Not really.
Me: Noted, and now I’m just gonna close this out so I don’t get upset again.
#loki#norse god loki#lokean#loki deity#god loki#heathenry#norse loki#norse gods#random update#rambles#shadow work#mental disability#mental health#actually mentally ill#actually neurodivergent#distorted thinking#godspouse#godpartner#spirit spouse#life with loki#coping skills
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my dead goth son and his friendly neighborhood personified concept of insanity
#really happy with how michael turned out :] i might stick to this design#rapunzel ah glowy hair <3#i do need to workshop gerry though orz#have been working on this during breaks from my other projects and god it took way too long to finish#fun fact the final file for this is over 2gb 👍 forgot i was recording the timelapse#i could post it if anyone would be interested#the magnus archives#tma#michael distortion#michael shelley#tma michael#tma distortion#gerard keay#gerry keay#tma gerry#gerrymichael#doorkeay#technically? i’m not one to draw ship art usually but this one’s close enough i think#tma fanart#fanart#my art#digital art#illustration#magpod
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another part of an ask request . I was taken with such vivid imagery of Michael eating a Leitner, despite that absolutely not being a thing it probably can do. I don't care, he's eating that book
#art#my art#fanart#comic#tma#the magnus archives#tma fanart#michael distortion#tma micheal distortion#gerard keay#gerry keay#tma gerard keay#this isnt really ship art but you can reaf it however you like#i just think its funny to torment gerry with distortion michael#like. what if they were friends???
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shoutout to helen richardson and michael shelley, two individuals Who Just Laugh Like That.
#they didn’t need to get eaten by an eldritch horror to laugh like one#can’t stop thinking about them#love them <3#the magnus protocol#the magnus archives#tma#tmagp#the distortion#helen richardson#helen distortion#michael shelley#michael distortion
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I can't stop thinking about the relationship between Jon and Helen as perhaps one of the most important ones in the entire show. They are narrative parallels for each other, and they both know it. They've both known it from the very start!
Helen walks into the Archives, paranoid, unsure of who to trust, and Jon sees himself in her. And he thinks "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." Then he can't save her. The next time they meet, she's a monster. They're both monsters. There was never any other way their stories could have gone, their fates entwined from the very start.
And Helen answers his original thought with one of her own: "Maybe if we can help each other, there's hope for us both." But Jon looks at her and sees everything that he fears becoming, and so he turns her away, and refuses to accept that their stories are still one and the same.
Helen went to the last person who was ever kind to her, the only person who both knew her as a human and had the context to understand what she'd become, and he hated her. He hated her because he liked Helen, and told her that she couldn't be Helen.
So she stopped trying to be Helen, and embraced being a monster. Reveled in it even. Then Jon wakes up from a six month coma, more monster than person, and tries so hard to cling to the things that mattered to him when he was human. Even with no support, even with the entire archives staff against him, he chooses humanity and compassion over and over again.
And this is a direct threat to Helen's world view. Their stories are entwined. If Jon can continue to be a person even after everything he's been through, then she could have clung to her humanity too, if only she'd tried a little harder. And that terrifies her! She wants to conceptualize herself as someone who was completely overwhelmed by forces beyond her control, who never had a choice but to become a monster. She want's to be an innocent victim. But Jon argues with his actions that they'd both had choices.
And, Jon, in turn, holds out hope that she might make better choices until the very end.
This is the conflict between them for all of season 4 and 5. Jon wants to prove that they can both be decent people, and Helen wants to prove that they were never going to be anything but monsters. This is why she's so devoted to trying to goad Jon into enjoying his newfound godhood. She knows that they are the same, and wants that to mean that he has a spark of evil inside of him, and not that she was always capable of doing good.
When Jon kills her, she loses her life, but wins the argument. Helen is nothing but a dangerous monster who needs to be killed for the good of everyone, and in the moment he decides that, Jon dooms himself to the same fate. Their stories are one and the same. "If i can help her, maybe there's hope for me too." he thought. But he couldn't help her, refused to, even, in the one moment when it actually mattered. And thus, there was never hope for him.
#the magnus archives#tma#jonathan sims#helen distortion#my rambles#i am not normal about them#helen did nothing wrong in her entire life#(aside from being a real estate agent)#Her story is just so tragic to me#She could have been better#she had choices#thats the entire point#but the choice was between a thankless attempt at retaining her personhood#with absolutely no support and no one who cared about her#or giving into the comforting lie that she never had a choice at all#She had choices and she made them but i don't think anyone could reasonably expect her to have done any better
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(I point. Gently, in the voice of somebody who’s mind touched by the outer gods, i whisper truth in your ears:
Your honor the horses are now lesbians
(Anyways here’s the designs)
#mlp#based off my mlp redesigns (no i will not be taking criticism)#mlp redesign#fluttershy is now a giant jacked carnivorous shire horse with anxiety#rarity is a trans queen and she’s carrying the plot on her back#applejack’s been bequeethed the oldest child syndrome after the traumatic death of her parents and learned to do taxes at the tender age of#13?? how do horses age#and rainbow dash is both loved and reviled by her pegasi foundry because she has ‘too much gryphon in her’#(but she FAST AS FUC BOI.)#anyways pinky’s my favorite. we don’t know whats up with pinky but she smiles a lot and the world distorts around her at exactly 1014 am.#twilight is celestia’s favored pupil prophet and is trying her best to figure out what the hell is up with pinkie and failing spectacularly#twilight also hatched a dragon from an inert stone and people have opinions about that#mostly ‘what are you feeding her’#(holds rarity and applejack) i think they’re neat together#they bond over growing up too quickly and have a vi-caitlynn thing goin on#(squints) didnt draw the cute mark crusaders but they’d be like. the batmen of the town. and it was fun and games until twilight heard#and gave them ACTUAL weapons#rarity#applejack#rainbow dash#twilight sparkle#fluttershy#pinkie pie#spike the dragon#I FORGOT SPIKE#spike’s a stone dragon that hatched from a stone egg. he is not meant to exist. he’s an elderitch horror and a baby boy and we love#and cherish his adorable little face#art#critdraws#Rest your Weary Hooves in our New Found Home
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What if when Michael got Distortioned he/they/it/(?) had just kept showing up to work? Imagine Gertrude comes into the archives and finds a bunch of paperwork filled out in yellow highlighter and folded into impossible shapes, and then Michael-Distortion just walks into the room door-style and sits down at his work computer so it can email Gertrude a phishing scam.
#the magnus archives#tma#michael distortion#the distortion#i think this would make everyone’s lives worse#the eye 🤝(<-phishing) the spiral#tricking someone into thinking you’re someone they can trust so that theyll give you info they can use against you?#that shits both eye and spiral coded af tbh#edit: for those who have said that they want a fic of this i would like to clarify that other people can do what they want with this idea#but i personally cannot write for shit#so i cannot provide a fic. unless you want it bland as hell and written in ieee format#sorry y’all. my skillsets are infodumping about spiders unprompted and eating chicken nugget
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rage.
#welcome to today's episode of “me trying to draw 76 different emotions at once”#rage+grief???sorrow??? anguish?????#hmmmmmmm#definitely pain#and a hint of fear#no but like he's angry but there's sadness underneath you get what i'm saying#the kind of rage caused by something that left you traumatized and you just can't stop thinking about how unfair it was#like “i didn't deserve this nobody deserves this” kind of rage#well anyway#i don't even care about anatomy at this point#just let me see how much i can distort the face and still have it somewhat resemble the character#didn't mean to draw him crying again but my hand slipped oops#astarion#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 astarion#baldurs gate 3#astarion fanart
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Here’s how gerrymichael can still win (through the power of silly headcanons for the tmagp universe)
#tma#the magnus archives#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tma fanart#tmagp fanart#gerrymichael#gerry keay#michael shelley#michael the distortion#gerrymichael fanart#digital art#no id#tw eyestrain#(i think so… better to tag it than not)
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i just want to not be.
#mental health#bpd#my diary#quiet bpd#borderline pd#self awareness#self help#depression#mental wellbeing#borderline things#wellness#bpd mood#borderline personality disorder#distorted thinking#tw depression#tw self destructive behavior#tw sucidal ideation
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michael distortion what a goofy guy
#still experimenting with his design but i think i might be onto something#he’ll probably change in the future but for now there’s the boy#rattles him around in a jar#i have nothing more to offer but sketches#this week has really been kicking my ass#doodling tma to keep myself sane at this point#the magnus archives#tma#michael distortion#fanart#tma fanart#my art#digital art#doodle#sketch
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BLACKOUT : destroys all light
so have you all been keeping up with Scarlet Lady 👀
#scarlet lady#zoe oneesama#chat noir#my art#HYPE HYPE HYPE I LOVE THIS BIT#also I just think his passive expression while he performs perhaps the coolest fucking thing ever is SICK!!!#yeah sure I'm just gonna be a black hole for a minute and distort the properties of gravity just to BEAT! YOUR! ASS!#hawkmoth achievement unlocked: made son have such a bad breakdown he became a jedi
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The more "empowered" Disney tries to write their heroines as, the less interesting and charismatic they become, ironically.
#disney#disney heroines#txt#@ disney: can y'all pls go back to writing women like people again?#ironically though disney heroines have gradually become a punching back for their asses#specifically the princess characters. they have been more disrespected and disregarded than any other set of characters#i mean they will put all that ✊🏼 bullshit with them and have a phrase like “be strong and brave”#but then be completely missing the point of their original stories and characters#i mean the ralph breaks the internet scene highlights how low they think of them in the modern era#modern disney is waging a war on disney princesses. they are trying to distort what made them so special and shift focuses
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While we're on the topic of De-aging AU's I wanna talk about Jason and Damian if Jason was 14 again real quick.
Do you guys think that Damian looks at this version of Jason, so different from the version he knows, nothing like the person he was told Jason was, and feels uncomfortably seen?
Damian was always told that Jason died because he was reckless, because he disobeyed orders, he was fired as Robin and he got himself killed. A cautionary tale, not a threat to his position. He dismisses Jason because Bruce does, because Dick does, because sometimes even Babs and Alfred do.
That's not the kid that he's looking at now. This Jason is happy, and smart, and full of love that has not yet soured into grief. He hangs on Bruce's every word, trains until his hands bleed and his body gives out to perfect the moves Bruce teaches him. He looks at Bruce with stars in his eyes and he calls him dad.
And Damian can't help but think, that this is the perfect Robin. The perfect son. And if Jason - sweet, loving, strong, Jason - can be fired, can die and have his room locked away and his pictures torn down, can have his last memory as Robin be as A Good Soldier, how could the rest of them ever compete? What could Damian do to stand a chance?
Jason will never grow out of the shadow of Robin, like the rest of them did. As long as Bruce, and Dick, and Babs, and Alfred look at him and see a dead kid who came back wrong, he will never get to be anything else. He will not get to be looked at through who he is now without the shadow of a dead boy looming over him.
And the worst part? Jason is exactly the same person he was back then. Bitter, sure, angry, justifiably, but he is still the boy with too much love in his heart and righteous fury festering in his gut. He is exactly the same boy who threw himself in front of an explosion to save his mother.
(The lines between the mother that betrayed him and the father that disgraced him are so very blurred. Fire or blade or crowbars or fists it does not matter. It ends the same way it always does because Jason Todd always dies, in every universe, in every timeline, Jason dies and crawls out only to be killed again and again and again.)
#dc#jason todd#damian wayne#de aging#I personally am obsessed with the headcanon that they met in the league which lends it's own sense of tragedy#but this is a more canon take on it#Bruce Wayne critical#do you guys think he watched Jason fall back into old routines and is so unbelievably angry because none of it matters#do you think he listens to Jason talk about homework and his grades and his clubs and the colleges he wants to go to#and all he can think of is how unfair it is#that Jason never gets it. That everything about who he was got distorted and exaggerated and there was nothing left of this boy#that the love and blood and late nights never mean anything because this is a ghost walking the halls disproving all the legends#what is the prodigal son to do when he comes home but the locks have changed
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