#disregard what i said anyone can have any power i think cause what i said makes no sense i'll fix it just give me time

[heronoegg]

my favorite part of AU's are Bakugo and im sure they are your favorite parts too, i decided half way through that the species i'm making Bakugo needed a tail cause when you make a species that's what you do do you not???

[allastoredeer]

The thing that peeves me off about people saying Alastor would never bottom because of his EGO (besides everything you said about Lucifer's ego) is that it also shows such a patriarchal-ly drenched heterosexual view of sex, that they then apply to a MLM ship that drives me INSANE.

They think Top means big, strong man domineering over the small, soft, gentle woman (the bottom) and it's like, that's such a regressive view of heterosexual sex to begin with but now you're trying to apply that to two dudes. Especially two dudes like Alastor and Lucifer, who both have massive egos and other personal hangups that would shine through during an intimate moment with the two of them.

Like, if you think Alastor wouldn't bottom cause he always wants to be in control, but you think control and manipulation can only happen as the top? That the bottom has no power or control over the act? Maybe because I'm ace, but the idea that the bottom doesn't have any control is so weird to me? I'm not even talking about power bottom dynamics either, the bottom controls so much of the act (if it's consensual) cause if they don't like something, it ain't happening.

I dunno. I think it's perfectly fine to have a preference of top or bottom, lord knows I only interact with bottom!Alastor content (I see Al as ace and generally disinterested in sex, so he'd take the position that requires the lease work (in his view)), but I think it's a whole 'nother beast to take that preference and try to force it on other people. I think the people who claim a character in an MLM (or even WLW) ship would ONLY ever top or ONLY ever bottom strictly on the idea of "control" or "ego" need to reexamine their view of sex.

Sorry if this was all over the place, I have so many thoughts and frustrations on the whole bottom!Alastor thing, due in part to the amount of people that comment stupid shit on bottom!Alastor content, but you don't see anyone saying that shit on bottom!Lucifer stuff. ugh

"...is that it also shows such a patriarchal-ly drenched heterosexual view of sex..."

THIS! This here ⬆️ That is exactly it. Everything you wrote is 🤌excellent, but this line. THIS LINE sums it up so perfectly.

Because that's exactly what it is. In almost every patriarchal, heteronormative relationship, the man is seen as the top and always portrayed as big, dominant, and strong. Wheras the women is seen as the bottom, and portrayed as soft, submissive, sweet, and--a lot of the time--naive and innocent.

I hate the patriarchal, heteronormative view's of sex as it is, but GOD, I forget how messed up it is sometimes. It is, as you said, incredibly regressive. More often then not, it creates this unhealthy, pre-established dynamic between two people (usually a man and a women) that completely disregards how they might actually feel about a relationship and what their sexual preferences for a relationship is. And anything OTHER than this pre-established dynamic is seen as "other," or "not normal."

So taking THAT and putting it onto queer relationships just ljsfnlsjgbl it makes me want to rip my hair out.

"Like, if you think Alastor wouldn't bottom cause he always wants to be in control, but you think control and manipulation can only happen as the top? That the bottom has no power or control over the act? Maybe because I'm ace, but the idea that the bottom doesn't have any control is so weird to me? I'm not even talking about power bottom dynamics either, the bottom controls so much of the act (if it's consensual) cause if they don't like something, it ain't happening."

Anon it's like you're reaching inside my brain and pulling out all of my thoughts, and I love you for it.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use power dynamics interchangeable with top and bottom. Those two things are not the same. Submissive and bottom are not the same thing. Dominant and top are not the same thing.

Top and bottom (and switch!) is a preferred sexual position. Submission and Dominance (BDSM) is a consensual power-exchange in a pre-determined scene between two or more people.

Someone being a top does not automatically give them more power over the bottom. Or, at least, it shouldn't. There is no agreed upon power exchange. The person topping doesn't have more control than the person bottoming, nor should they.

And I completely agree, Anon. I've always been so weirded out, and unnerved, when bottoms are portrayed as not having as much control in sexual situation than tops. It grosses me out, honestly. I find it very icky, especially when it's perceived as the norm.

"I dunno. I think it's perfectly fine to have a preference of top or bottom, lord knows I only interact with bottom!Alastor content (I see Al as ace and generally disinterested in sex, so he'd take the position that requires the lease work (in his view)), but I think it's a whole 'nother beast to take that preference and try to force it on other people. I think the people who claim a character in an MLM (or even WLW) ship would ONLY ever top or ONLY ever bottom strictly on the idea of "control" or "ego" need to reexamine their view of sex."

Not me copy-and-pasting nearly all of your ask (LMAO) but I just love the points you're making. I have no problem with people having a preference for who tops and who bottoms. Fandom is supposed to be fun, and I want people to have fun. Like you, I generally only interact with bottom!Alastor, and so, I leave top!Alastor content alone.

It's when people try to argue that certain characters can't or won't top/bottom, because of a list of stupid reasons they make up, that I start losing my patience. Especially when their basis for who tops and bottoms is judged on ego or how much of a control freak a character is. People are not that black and white. People are complex and multi-faceted.

And, I know, sometimes people just want to read smut. They want pure filth (amen to that 🙏), and enjoy having a specific character be a submissive bottom and the other a dominant top. Just don't try and push that onto other people by arguing against a dynamic that you don't like. It's weird.

Thank you for the ask, Anon. It's everything to me.

[being-of-rain]

Now that the whole series has been released, I binge relistened to all of Once and Future. And wrote down all my thoughts, of course.

Definitely the series' main problem is something that affects a lot of Big Finish; it wants to have a story arc, but clearly the writers barely planned with each other or put any effort into that aspect. There's no flow or natural build-up to the finale, unlike what the premise and first episode might lead you to expect. Without much of a compelling arc, the only thing the series has to mark it as a special occasion is its many cameos and crossovers ...but in order to have more of those than the average Big Finish series, they had to pack so many in that most episodes struggle to handle it (in one way or another).

As a series, it unfortunately adds up to less than the sum of its parts.

With all that said, it's a series that I enjoyed a lot more during my relisten, since I could adjust my expectations. I forgot my desire for a grand or satisfying larger story, and just took each standalone episode on its own merits. There's a varying level of quality, but overall its not as disappointing as I remembered.

I decided to rank the episodes from my least to most favourite, and write a paragraph on each one.

8. Time Lord Immemorial I was told this was added to the series at the last minute, and I believe it; it features the imminent destruction of every universe thanks to the use of the degeneration gun, and this little fact is not mentioned at any point before or afterwards. The plot is about a dull and generic all-powerful Time Lord fairytale with an incredibly convenient rhyme to tell everyone what to do. Not that anyone actually does much of anything in this episode. It's mostly descriptions of some impressive visuals and the trading of some half-hearted banter. The only thing of any substance at all in the story is the slightly interesting (though not as interesting as it could've been) relationship between the Lumiat and the Doctor, which is okay if you like that, and unfortunate if you wanted Liv and the Unbound Doctor to have any focus at all.

7. Two's Company This episode is the poster child of being assigned a long and truly random laundry list of characters by the producers. All elements of the episode feel like they're thrown together haphazardly, from the total disregard of the previous episodes' plot hook onwards. But the friendship of Jackie and Lady Christina, two of the least likely characters to be teamed up with the sixth Doctor, is perhaps the highlight of the episode (even though Jackie is written rather stereotypically). On the other hand, Harry Sullivan doesn't really add anything, and the bizarre introduction of The Two borders on the insulting. Back when The Eleven was first introduced, the audio took pains to note that his mental illness was not the cause of his villainy. Later authors seemed to have missed this memo, and none fly in the face of it as much as Two's Company. On top of it all, I think Lisa McMullin is just an author I do not vibe with. She's the only one who wrote two episodes of this series, and they're my two least favourite.

6. The Union I'm not a big fan of finales written by Matt Fitton, which is bad news for me because he's been Big Finish's Go-To Finale Guy for over a decade now. He always makes the plot a bit too busy and never quite lands the emotional moments for me. Once and Future's climactic episode gets a lot of fanservicey moments (some that I can enjoy and some that feel like an obligation), but the story arc that the series had been stumbling and crawling towards concludes with the Doctor winning a nonsensical moral argument about how he's fine with being and meeting himself, something that isn't demonstrated in this anniversary special and is contradicted in most others. The villain/s are a bizarre choice and rather unthreatening- but at least River and Susan are fun to listen to.

5. A Genius For War It's slightly baffling that in the middle of a series that flaunts its random character line-ups is a fairly standard Time War episode, with characters you'd expect to see in it (except for the Seventh Doctor I guess, but he doesn't feel that out of place in a Davros story like this.) I refrained from calling it a "bog-standard" Time War episode, because it does actually put some effort into being relevant to this series specifically, and is a fun little action movie to while away an hour (and celebrate the Doctor's longest-running alien foes in all their mediocre glory). Still, the fact that this ep is just before halfway through my ranking means that I enjoy this series more often than not.

4. Past Lives This is a charming episode, largely due to its fun cast of characters. It takes its time with its story, being literally halfway done by the time all the characters have been brought into the plot together, but I'm not saying it's badly paced. I'm certainly fine with it just giving us the Doctor and the Monk for the first 15 minutes. But the moment of this episode that always sticks in my head the most is the Doctor and Sarah reacting to all the pictures of the Doctors in Osgood's house, having a little bit of an existential crisis about it. It's amazing how taking even just a small break from the action for some genuine emotion can add to a story. See number 1 on this list for more. Oh I do wish it did more with the King Arthur/Once and Future theme though, especially seeing as it was what gave the series its name.

3. The Martian Invasion of Planetoid 50 Michelle Gomez and David Tennant are so good together. I don't have an awful lot more to say about this one, it's just solid entertainment. It's got great characterisation and a lot of funny lines. The episode really understood the Master when it said "Only one Time Lord would ever do something so mind-bogglingly, time-consumingly ridiculous."

2. Coda—The Final Act The final episode is second only to Two's Company in how random and long its list of returning characters is, but it handles them with much more grace and a satisfying story. I mean I do wish that Vienna Salvatori had a bigger role, but that's just because I'm a fan of her series, she works fine narratively (and there was a Jexie reference to appease me). Really my biggest complaint about this one is that it doesn't quite commit to the Doctor vs Doctor premise as much as I wish it would, with it all being a contrived trick, but it doesn't do that badly, it's fine. Wait, maybe my biggest complaint is the title: why give it two? Why not just call it Coda? Anyway, Bernice was a great choice for this episode, she's always been great at speaking her mind to the Doctor. And it was easy for me to forget this this is Jo Martin's first audio because she sounded so at home. Great stuff.

1. The Artist at the End of Time This might not be the episode I go back to listen to the most, but I think it is the best made, with the most time to breathe and the most coherent themes. (And it also happens to be the episode with the least amount of returning characters heaped upon it. What a coincidence.) The degeneration giving the Doctor something of an existential crisis, compounded by the end of the universe and the presence of the Curator, gives the series some much needed time to reflect on a key aspect of the franchise for its anniversary; the Doctor themself. It certainly works a lot better than whatever The Union tried to do in its last 15 minutes. Aside from all that, Five and Jenny and the Curator are just a rather sweet team to listen to, with an interesting problem to investigate and a lot of witty dialogue.

[corruptedcaps]

Moral Objection: Part One

This is a custom story written for @callmekeira who suggested my new profile pic.

Keira's days began before the sun had even considered waking, her coffee-fueled determination propelling her through labyrinthine legal texts and intricate case studies. As a junior associate at a prestigious law firm, she had always harbored a genuine desire to help people, to right wrongs, and to see justice served. But the deeper she delved into the firm's operations, the more disillusioned she became.

The towering glass and steel façade of the law firm masked an undercurrent of ambition that disregarded the very values Keira held dear. Partners and senior associates reveled in their power, often at the expense of ethics. However, the embodiment of this ruthlessness was Elissa, the firm's most dazzling partner. It was an open secret she used her outrageous beauty to climb quickly in the law firm, but it was her cold, calculating gaze that left a lasting impression on anyone who dared cross her path.

Keira, despite her best intentions, had managed to draw Elissa's ire more than once, always advocating for fairness, for the human element in the cases they handled. And as the sun dipped beneath the city's skyline, the relentless buzz of fluorescent lights bathed the dimly lit office in an eerie glow. Keira was just packing up to leave when her blood went cold as Elissa's frosty voice cut through the air. "Keira, darling," she purred, striding towards her desk, "I need you to stick around. We have a bit of a situation with Alphabraun. They are threatening to move their business elsewhere and you and I are going to convince them to stay.”

Despite Keira’s dislike of Elissa she was somewhat flattered that she was being asked by a top performing partner for help. However her decision was easy, especially consider the clients.

“Alphabraun are amoral and disgustingly unethical. I say we let them leave, maybe then we can attract more right thinking and conscientious companies.” Keira said somehow finding the courage.

Elissa's eyes narrowed, her lips curling into a disdainful smile. "Oh, Keira, you truly have a lot to learn. Perhaps you need a little push in the right direction." Without warning, Elissa's perfectly manicured hand shot out, her nails cutting Keira's arm. Keira recoiled, shock coursing through her as her skin tingled beneath Elissa's touch.

"What have you done?" Keira gasped, staring at the faint, glowing mark on her arm. Elissa leaned in, her voice dripping with satisfaction. "Something to make you see my point of view, dear. You'll thank me later." Keira watched, both mystified and alarmed.

A rush of warmth surged through Keira's veins, radiating from the mark on her arm. Her heart pounded, and she felt her senses sharpening, as if the world around her was coming into crystalline focus. As the sensation enveloped her, she realized her wound was healing before her eyes, the skin stitching itself together seamlessly.

Suddenly, her skin seemed to glow from within, taking on a luminous quality that had been absent before. Her hair, once a simple shade of brown, transformed into cascading waves of rich, golden blonde silk, catching the light with every movement. Her makeup subtly shifted, enhancing her features and emphasizing her eyes, making them appear more enchanting and mysterious.

A generous swell graced her chest, giving her tits that caused the zipper on her sports jacket to open. And as she flexed her hands, she couldn't help but notice her nails, now elongated and perfectly painted red, eerily matched Elissa’s.

Elissa's icy gaze locked onto Keira's changed form, a triumphant glint in her eyes. "Well, any objections now?" she inquired, her voice dripping with satisfaction. Keira's gaze slid down to her own transformed body, a sense of delight replacing her previous resistance. An intoxicating sensation of power flowed through her, igniting thoughts that were wicked and bold.

Her previous thoughts of justice and right and wrong seemed laughable and childish to her now. Why should she care about anyone but herself?

Keira's lips curled into a seductive smile as she met Elissa's gaze. "Yes plenty but they all have to do with what I’m wearing," she purred, her voice carrying a newfound confidence and allure. Elissa's own smile widened, clearly pleased with her handiwork, as she gestured for Keira to follow.

They stepped into Elissa's lavish office, adorned with sleek furniture and an air of authority. Elissa led her into a closet bigger than Keira's cubicle. As Keira surveyed the array of garments before her, she felt a wicked excitement bubbling within her. Each outfit seemed to carry a feeling of dominance and elegance that resonated with her transformed being.

Keira's fingers glided over the fabric of the outfit she had chosen, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. The tight, deep vee neck dress was made of a material that was dangerously close to being transparent but it clung to her curves, accentuating her newly heightened figure in way she couldn't deny or pass up.

As Keira stood before the mirror, the transformation was complete. She was no longer the conscientious young woman who had walked into the office that morning. With a newfound allure and wickedness, she was ready to step into a world where power, seduction, and ruthlessness reigned supreme.

“You look divine darling. Ready to do whatever it takes to keep these men with us?” Elissa said beaming proudly at her creation.

“Try and stop me.” Keira said wickedly smiling back at her new friend.

Keira and Elissa glided into the upscale club, their entrance sparking immediate intrigue. The male clients, a group of affluent and self-assured men, shifted their attention to the pair of alluring women that had just graced their midst. As they approached, Keira felt the weight of their gazes, a mixture of lust and curiosity. She loved it.

Their haughty vanity that normally repelled her seemed intoxicatingly attractive to her. Amid the crowd, one figure stood out—Jack, an enigmatic alpha amongst the group. His intense blue eyes locked onto Keira's, their connection igniting sparks that seemed to reflect the dim club lighting.

Amid the throbbing bass, Keira found herself engaged in a playful exchange with Jack, her words laced with a wicked charm. "So, Jack," she purred, "we all know you have money and looks, but how are you on the dance floor?" Jack's confident smile widened as he matched her banter. "Only one way to find out," he shot back, his voice dripping with innuendo.

Their dance grew more intimate, and as Jack's hands encircled her waist, Keira whispered, her tone dripping with wicked allure, "are you as good a lover as you are a dancer?" Jack's laughter resonated in her ear as he pulled her closer. "Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea," he murmured, the promise of a thrilling secret hanging between them.

Keira's fingers intertwined with Jack's, her grip firm as she pulled him toward the exit, her eyes locked onto his. The desire to continue their flirtatious encounter away from prying eyes was undeniable, and she could practically feel the magnetic pull between them growing stronger by the second.

As they moved through the club, Elissa's voice, a soft whisper, brushed against Keira's ear. "Good girl, seal the deal. I'll see you tomorrow," she murmured, her mischievous grin and wink sending a thrill down Keira's spine. The words echoed in Keira's mind, fueling the newfound confidence that was coursing through her.

In the privacy of a luxurious limousine, Keira's lips met Jack's in a passionate kiss. The electricity that had sizzled between them on the dance floor now ignited with a fervor that was impossible to ignore. Between heated kisses, Keira began undoing Jack’s belt and slipped her hand under to grab his formidable member. Jack moaned wantonly as Keira stroked it with precision. As she felt his cock throb as it came closer and closer to cumming she mounted him but hover her pussy just out of reach of his aching dick.

“Now Jack, if you want me to give you the best orgasm of your life then you’re going to have to tell me what I want to hear.” Keira said as she hissed darkly into his ear.

“I love you?” Jack said confused and horny in equal measure.

“Awh that’s cute honey but what I want to hear you say is that you’re keeping your business with our firm.” She continued to whisper as she tantalizingly dipped her perfect pussy off the top of his dick for a moment before retracting quickly.

“Oh fuck yes yes! As long as you’re with the firm then that’s where me and my company will stay.” He groaned.

“Good boy.” She said with a wicked smile as she lowered on to his cock where they both moaned in unison. Keira rode his dick up and down slowly at first before picking up the pace. She felt an incredible amount of control over her pussy muscles like never before. Every time she felt Jack close to cumming she was able to squeeze just enough to stop it. It felt good to be in control.

When she recognized the building of her street out the window she finally allowed him to orgasm. She felt her inside get lined with his juices which made a satisfying slurp as she got off him. Before Jack could parse what was happening Keira was already clip clopping towards her apartment.

“Wait! Keira, come back to my place.” He called out. His desire was palpable, but she didn’t even break her walk or turn around, "Another time, stud."

Up in her apartment, a sudden exhaustion washed over her like a tidal wave. The whirlwind of emotions and experiences had drained her, and as soon as she lay down, she succumbed to sleep's sweet embrace.

To be continued…

[chick-with-wifi]

Meta: Root as the Chosen One

One thing I love about Root's arc is that it's a subversion of the traditional 'Chosen One' narrative.

The Chosen One is usually born with special powers or featured in a prophecy, making them the only one capable of saving the world. Root, however, strong-arms her way into it as an adult by seeking out the Machine for a chance to serve Her ("I don't want to control your Machine. [...] I just want to set it free." 2x01). 

The Machine then chooses her as Analog Interface, likely both because of the abilities and loyalty she demonstrated and out of a desire to help her, which Root eagerly accepts ("The Machine offered me a job. She never said it would be easy." 3x17).

This position gives Root special powers through access to the Machine's omniscience. Including real-time updates about her surroundings ("Twelve US Marshals guard the building, plus our friend over there who was scouting the perimeter that we're now inside. Air support is ten minutes out." 3x10), information about people posing a danger to her ("2 O'CLOCK. 2007 ANTERIOR CRUCIATE LIGAMENT TORN." 3x12, via Morse Code) and being told where to aim when shooting people, which she demonstrates to great effect in 3x10 and 3x17.

Being the Analog Interface comes with the job of "trying to save the world, of course. By preventing the emergence of a second machine." (3x17), then later ensuring their survival when Samaritan comes online ("We had to settle for protecting the seven people who might be able to take it back." 3x23) and working to defeat it ("Because this is war. And the thing we're up against, it has virtually unlimited resources." 4x01). Which, as the one person the Machine speaks to directly, only Root can do.

The typical Chosen One is a reluctant hero, who struggles with the pressure thrust upon them or the idea that they are special. Root steps into the role with ease and enthusiasm, immediately considering herself one of the heroes ("I know it seems weird, but I'm one of the good guys now." 3x17). She feels secure in the idea that she's special ("The truth is that She's chosen me." 3x01) and carrying out her job brings her fulfillment, as demonstrated by her blissful expression when being retasked in 3x19.

She has no problem accepting that this mission, which she takes very seriously, means that her fate is no longer hers alone:

Shaw: Wait, Root, is that all? Where are you?

Root: Right where I'm supposed to be. (3x23)

Despite their doubts, the Chosen One is committed to defeating the Big Bad because they want to save the world. Root is immediately dedicated to the cause ("Like I said, we have a larger fight ahead of us. I think we should be together when that begins. Don't you?" 3x10) and willing to do anything, even give her life in service to it ("If I don't see you, Harold, it's been a fun ride." 4x05). However, this hinges on her desire to serve the Machine and protect Shaw and Finch, rather than any concern about the world as a whole:

Root: In the first thirty minutes after Samaritan comes online, a lot of people are gonna be killed. But they're gonna start with four: you, me, your helper monkey, and Shaw. And there won't be a damn thing anyone, including your Machine, can do to stop it. You think I don't care about people, Harold? I'm doing all of this to save you. (3x17)

Therefore, it is only when she loses these three tethers that her doubts show themselves. After Samaritan comes online and her contact with the Machine is severely limited, she begins to struggle ("She was supposed to remake the world. Now God's on the run. I have to keep going. [...] Even without Her, I can still see the edges of the tapestry." 4x05). She sought out this position because she wanted to be the Machine's Chosen One, now she has all but lost that connection yet remains a key player in the fight.

Shaw is then taken by Samaritan (4x11) and Root's devotion to the cause falters for the first time. She begins to disregard what the Machine taught her by preparing to kill Control (4x12) and torturing Leslie Thompson (4x13). When the Machine tells her to stop looking for Shaw, she walks away both from the team and the job that has been her purpose for so long:

Finch: The Machine is asking us to stop looking for her. Perhaps the Machine does know, perhaps it has a plan. But for our own survival, our sanity, I believe we must reconcile ourselves with never knowing the truth. Otherwise, our pursuit of it will consume us entirely.

Root: Goodbye, Harold. (4x13)

The next time we see her, she saves Finch's life and smiles at a security camera, then tells Reese "there's a lot that's new." (4x15). This indicates that she and the Machine have renegotiated and, while Root is working with Her again, she no longer holds the same unwavering faith.

When Finch has a plan to strike a blow against Samaritan that will likely cost his life, Root directly disobeys the Machine:

Finch: My value to the Machine is irrelevant.

Root: You're too important to me.

Finch: The Machine didn't tell you to do this.

Root: She told me not to. I thought I could sacrifice everyone, I really did. Win some, lose some, right? It's for a good cause. But it turns out I can't lose you, Harold. Not you and Shaw. (4x18)

For the first time, she puts her own needs ahead of the 'good cause' she was willing to give everything for and sabotages a chance to defeat the Big Bad, because she found the one thing that matters more to her than her duty. Finch then tells her "I don't want to see you for a while." (4x18).

Despite all of this, she continues to carry out the Machine's instructions and comes to Reese's rescue in 4x19, then goes back to working with the team.

In 4x21 she gets a call appearing to be from Shaw and instantly regrets stopping her search when Shaw has been alive all this time. Prepared to walk into a trap for a chance to save her, Root uses her own life as a bargaining chip to manipulate the Machine into helping them. Once again, she prioritizes the life of her loved one over everything else.

While following this lead, Root learns that Samaritan is close to finding the Machine and her goal expands to protecting both Her and Shaw no matter what:

Root: They're close to finding you. I don't care what happens to me.

Finch: What did the Machine tell you?

Root: She says it's too dangerous.

Finch: I'm inclined to agree.

Root: This isn't just a rescue mission to save Shaw. The Machine needs our help too. If we don't save them, who will? (4x21)

When Samaritan threatens her to get the Machine to reveal Her location, Root begs the Machine not to do it ("Don't do it. Please. Don't give yourself up. Harold was right. We are interchangeable. You can replace us. You can keep fighting." 4x21). All she wants is to protect her loved ones.

The Machine agrees to Samaritan's bargain, then gives the team Her own number to warn them of an imminent system shutdown and directions for how to help Her. When it looks like they won't be able to get there in time, Root gives the Machine an ultimatum - "No more standing on the sidelines. You want us to save your skin? Get in the game." (4x22). Ever since becoming the Analog Interface, she has been helping with the Machine's mission. Now she wants the Machine to help with her mission.

Root and Finch then save the Machine and work tirelessly until they restore Her. Root is also focussed on protecting her loved ones, which has expanded to include Reese and Fusco ("John needs our help now. You have to give us something to work with." 5x05. "An exit strategy. For you and your son to disappear off the grid, just in case." 5x07).

The priority of finding Shaw never leaves Root's mind and eventually she once again forces the Machine to help her by threatening to withhold her cooperation ("I refuse to do one more mission until I know that what I'm doing is going to lead me to Sameen." 5x07). Together they send a message to Shaw, which gives her the motivation she needs to escape, and Root is so desperate to be reunited that she would have given herself up to Samaritan if Reese hadn't intervened.

Throughout all of this, Root remains dedicated to the war against Samaritan and vehemently advocates for them to take a more offensive stance ("We have to be willing to do whatever it takes now, or we've already lost." 5x03). She then adds to the Machine's code to give Her an edge in the fight ("What if I said I hard-coded a little something extra into the system before you closed it for good? I gave Her the capacity to defend Herself." 5x10), thus fulfilling her duty as the Chosen One by using the abilities and loyalty the Machine chose her for to ensure Samaritan's defeat - but for her own reasons: protecting the family this role led her to.

[katmiscellanious]

I truly think Stede is about to have his own breakdown. Now, idk if it’s going to happen at the end of this season or in the 3rd if we get one. But Stede has been ignoring his trauma for too long.

Stede is good with other people’s emotions because he knows how he wants people to treat his own. But he’s so busy pushing people to better places and helping others that he completely disregards what he’s gone through. He hasn’t ANYONE what happened in those woods the night he escaped the British. He hasn’t told anyone about what Badminton’s said to him, or being bullied, or the way his father treated him. I don’t even know (and I doubt) he’s even REALLY told Ed just how trapped he was in his marriage with Mary.

When Stede really, actually kills a man on purpose, instead of talking it out, he throws himself into Ed’s arms. And Ed obliges because I think this is the kind of comfort he knows how to give.

And now we can see, as Ed rises to better places, Stede is descending. Stede has discovered his own power. He’s discovered he doesn’t have to take shit from people and while I’m so glad for him, he’s also doing so without addressing that’s he’s breaking his own “not fighting violence with violence” and “talk it through as a crew” and “turn poison into positivity” It feels good now, but especially without working it out in a meaningful way, he’s losing himself to it. He thinks he needs to be this macho tough guy to feel powerful, cause he’s discovered what all the people he’s helped have, that power feels good in the moment. And then, he’ll, you’ve done one bad thing, why not another? It doesn’t feel as bad as you thought? So maybe it’s normal? But then the trauma comes, and you wonder if your a good person anymore, or if you ever were? But you ignore the feeling, because it feels good, and your not weak any more. Nobody can hurt your. So drown yourself in more power or liquor or drugs. Who cares if your a bad person? If people hurt you, you hurt them back. And people respect you for it. And by the time you look back and realize how bad things are, you might think it’s too late to change.

Violence and power is like a drug, you chase the high of power, and when you start to feel it, you remind yourself why you do it with more shows of violence and your tolerance for it just gets higher and higher until the only person left to hurt is yourself, and your Blackbeard, and your sailing your ship into a storm to kill yourself and your entire crew, because your an unlovable monster and you can’t see the light beyond the violence anymore.

Ed and Izzy don’t quite see what’s happening as a bad thing because to them, this is normal pirate stuff. And Stede is Stede. Kind, loving, soft, fabric loving Stede, who is so in tune with people’s emotions he literally therapy’d Ted Lowe’s crew into turning on him in the middle of being tortured. Stede couldn’t possibly become like them. He’s just more piratey now. And see? Look how much fun he’s having? He’s fine!

And Ed? He sees Stede happy and powerful and is so happy for him that he doesn’t even consider asking Stede to come with him this time when he decides to quit and become a fisherman. Ed thinks they are on different paths. And he doesn’t even conceive that this path is a danger to Stede, because it’s Stede. Stede could never get as bad as he did. Right? So best to just end things and let him be happy before either of them get to attached (though, it’s a little fucking late for that one bud).

Mark my words, unless somebody steps in and realizes what’s happening, Stede is going to end up just like all the other pirates we’ve seen. And there is only one way that kind of violence can end, with him getting himself killed, either someone else’s hands, or his own.

[just-existing-as-you-do-blog]

Enderian charecter analysis time!

Outside sources effecting her charecter (cause i gotta start somewhere)

-she can read minds

-her brother killed her other brother.

Okay so Enderian, being able to read minds, thought that Fable was being manipulative ruling over his people as a mortal and (either before or after) decided to rule over the gods and the church but not her people, they would have to figure that out on their own. (Which makes me curious how end society worked beyond the church, did her religious order form the government?)

Also she once said to Centross that she only found one person deserving of her love and. I think she was full of shit when she said that. She went to war over her brother's death, she felt *betrayed* by Netherum. She was arguing with both of them but was also godmother(get it) of both of their children. I think she just makes a pointed effort not to love mortals, because they die so it's bound to drive any god crazy if they get attached to every single one. So she treats them all with a cold detachment.

So she loved (two of) her siblings, and Isla, and her realm, that's still not alot.

Next I wanna talk about her starting fights she can't win. Soul once pushed her soul out of her body during an argument, and she went against fable, she was united with the nether she should have won, why didn't she? Because the resets, because everyone lost, because all the realms are shattered. She full of her infinite Hubris yelled "silence" at Athena when they disagreed with her worldview not expecting them to keep arguing their point.

She thinks that because she is very powerful and has been alive for so long that she should know everything and therefore be able to win. She doesn't like not knowing things.

Her and Rae!

She hated Rae before she knew, she called him a Heretic, she had him rip his eye out. She found out and sounded confused (and perhaps horrified but that is blatant speculation). She has been watching him for probably this whole reset. She let her chest bleed to help him control his powers and she knew that (the worst) one of the ways to get him to calm down was to tell him "you can't be helpful like this." HOWEVER I am not an Enderian apologist! She made his son rip his eye out! She called him weak when he had anxiety attacks! She belittled him from inside his mind! And had a shit idea of comfort when he got into a fight with his brother that he wouldn't have gotten into if she'd been less of a shithead in the first reset!

Then something changed, I have no clue what, it could have just been time around Rae. She apologized, and asked if he would let her try to be a mother. Then she put in the work to do it, like I said she's on a treadmill working for that redemption arc. She might love Rae just as fiercely as anyone else, she helped him look inside his mind to find answers, the thing she knows he wants most in the world. His mind shattered and his chest bleeding she took controll of his body (something difficult for her to do) and flew him back home. Then sent MULTIPLE people inside his mind to save him. Girlboss's chest must be drenched in blood.

So in conclusion her primary charecter traits are

-her love

-her temper

-her overconfidence

-her complete disregard for human life

We love to see it.

[inkpensonpaper]

Today, I mourn the loss of safety for the LGBTQIA+ community.  I speak specifically on the horrendous legislation that is currently being passed in Tennessee, however this applies to a vast many other recent situations and determinations in a vast many other states and across our country as a whole. 

The LGBTQIA+ community preaches nothing but love, acceptance, and understanding.  I beg you to follow in our footsteps and have compassion for the people who have been allowed very little of such in recent times. Our government's priorities are terribly skewed. Their mission is not one of equality, but one of power.

Regardless of what they may say in their reasoning for criminalizing transgender Healthcare and drag shows, their priority is not to protect our children. If they were prioritizing our children, they would be more focused on creating a safer environment in schools and providing easier access to healthcare across the board. If they were concerned with our children's wellbeing they would focus on the amount of children sleeping on the floors of various DHS offices across the country because they have nowhere else to go. Instead, they choose to manipulate and further marginalize an already drastically persecuted community.

Make no mistake - I in no way excuse anyone who uses the LGBTQIA+ community as an excuse to commit acts of crime and hatred, but I also do not condone criminalizing us in that community because of those people's actions. Similarly, I also make no excuses for anyone who uses Christianity as an excuse to commit acts of hatred, just as I also do not condone the stereotyping of the entire religion based on those people's actions. I currently am not a strong believer in any particular faith, however I can claim to have been educated on and raised in Christianity. From what I recall, Jesus spared no mind to who you were or what you looked like or how you lived; he sat with the whores, he spared time for the poor, he healed the sick, and he played in the streets with the children. He paid no mind except that you were not harming those around you and he preached to love thy neighbor - one would think he meant no exceptions to that love.

We are not mindless doodles, drawn into the edge of the page of an assignment only to be furiously erased before being turned in to be graded because we are not that particular professor's definition of socially acceptable. We are art. Just as you have your shapes and curves and colors and deserve to be appreciated and admired and accepted, we also have our own palettes and lines and designs that deserve to be sources of inspiration and hope and love. We will not allow ourselves to be discarded and turned away from the museums and galleries of our country's history. We deserve a spot to be displayed in there just as much as you or anyone else does.

I am a firm believer that the hatred that is fueling this horrid legislation is the same strand of hatred that stemmed many of the world's greatest atrocities. It is the same disregard for humanity that caused the Holocaust, led to the Trail of Tears, formed Asian internment camps, and many more attempts to dehumanize and erase marginalized communities from the relevant narrative.

If you do not see the harm in passing this and other similarly harmful and ridiculously disrespectful legislation, then do me a favor and remove yourself from my life. I have no space in my circle for anyone who chooses to ignore the wrongful criminalization of necessary and affirming Healthcare for transgender folks, of safety for physicans providing said Healthcare, of harmless self-expression in the form of extravagant and flamboyant methods of dress, and of so many more stretches and implications of this legislation.

We in the LGBTQIA+ community may teach peace, but do not mistake that ache for peace as submission. We are not afraid to raise our voices, for we have spent far too long allowing ourselves to be silenced.

[gardensandtaverns]

Telling a Story Through Gaming: Making an Immersive Experience

I know it’s been a couple days since I updated on Bookwyrm’s Vault, and if I’m being entirely honest it’s because my other job wiped me out and then I spent all day today traveling, so there’s been no movement on that front over the last three days. However, I did say that I would hopefully be sharing some more general-use advice and other projects along the way, so for today I will be tapping into the reasons and people that drove my ambition to do this - hopefully to the benefit of others with similar interests.

I believe I’ve said before that I’ve spent the last 5 years of my life as a perma-DM - in fact it’s how I made friends in college and I was a board member of my college’s tabletop games club. With 5 years of running games, I tended to have no fewer than 2 games I was running at any given time, with each campaign being hosted weekly for anywhere between 4 months and 2 years. Some games went well, others fell apart, and some were just meant to be short, it was as much a creative outlet as it was a social event for me. I suppose that brings me to my first and largest piece of advice for anyone interested in making more than just a game, but an experience: Forget yourself.

Now this doesn’t mean disregard yourself, after all it is your creativity, passion, and drive that will ultimately make your game - it’s your product and you should be proud of it. But when you make a truly immersive experience, like a D&D campaign or a sandbox game, you need to realize that your players, who are given nearly unlimited ability to interact with your world, will inadvertently act in a way you don’t consider, intend, or sympathize with. Similarly, there may be things that they simply don’t care or think about as much as you do. To this second point, I encourage anyone who loves internet lore videos to interact with Polygon’s Skyrim Book Report (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVdTZhmsGsU) hosted by the marvelous Brian David Gilbert.

What I mean to say in this is that you are creating a product that you are passionate about. So many people will make their first game as something they would want to play. This is true of other creative fields as well: animation, music, fiction... and the truth that you will have to accept is that what you wish to experience may be too niche, or complex, or tailored to your personal experience to gain traction or interest. In the case of me drawing from experience as a Game Master, I will call this player buy-in.

Buy-in makes or breaks an experience for your consumer. If your magic system is endlessly complex, a player looking for a simple power fantasy to escape the stress of a desk job may quickly discard it to collect dust. If your zombie game turns out to be a settlement managing game with an external and seldom-addressed threat of zombies, you’ll likely lose the interest of the Walking Dead crowd who are interested in the nomadic wasteland survival aspect of the genre. What’s worse is falsely advertising, or poorly portraying, your product to people potentially interested can cause lasting harm in the trust they have in your later products.

Not only this, but buy-in will impact the feedback you get from your consumers. The makers of Until Dawn no doubt put a lot of effort and energy into the photorealistic environments and occult horror of their wendigo models, but a comment praising the “good graphics” will not mean nearly as much as the feedback from a player who plays horror games to be scared, who “spent the last four hours on the edge of my seat, looking over my shoulder in my dark game room”. It’s the feedback that appreciates the spirit of your product that not only tells you what you did right, instead of just well, but also gives you the energy, motivation, and validation to keep doing it.

Tomorrow I will talk about my favorite experiences from TTRPGs as an invested player versus as a Game Master with invested players, and the world of difference it makes. If people like these little advice posts, I’ll be happy to continue them. It makes for a good fallback when I hit roadblock or am taking breaks for work-heavy periods. Hopefully on Tuesday I will have some progress to report on the Bookwyrm’s Vault, one way or another.

[transmigratedlily]

Godhood

I have always been incredibly immersed in two things: science and religion. They could be seen as contradicting topics, don’t you think? If I’m ever distracted, it’s without a doubt because I’m deeply dwelling within one of those subjects. Just yesterday, I was reading a blog by @luvmanifesting, (edit; actually the blog was by @luckykiwiii101, L.M reblogged it, apologies.) and I was deeply intrigued when I came across this exact line:

"You are GOD, and if you don’t like that term, then you are the CREATOR."

This struck me deeply, even if i have read that exact line more than necessary. It made me realize that when people say, “I am God,” which I definitely am, it simply means just that; I am a god. Have you ever read any religious text, quote, verse, or anything related to religion? You have, right? Well then—what those religions worship, fawn over, and desire so powerfully is you: the god, the creator, the one who so effortlessly makes everything out of nothing.

So, the next time you read a blog with the same premise for the 900th time, please—take one good, lengthy (or short) blog and sit in silence. Read it slowly. Explain each sentence to yourself. Study the blog like you have an exam tomorrow that determines your entire grade in life. (READ. UNDERSTAND. APPLY! THE BIG R.U.A!)

What I mean here is, see your life as the exam which you haven't studied for, you read these blogs you read like a prayer-- but somehow don't believe a speck of what it says AS TRUTH. sweetness, Study for this exam well, So you can get the grade you desire. (sweetness, apply the information of said blogs, so you can get whatever you desire.)

This advice should send a chill down your spine—a strike of “Oh shit! I haven’t studied yet!” is desirable. Because, listen, imagine not studying for an important exam, one worth your entire grade. All your past mistakes, poorly done papers, and skipped classes would be disregarded—this is your only shot left.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I would study my whole soul away. Finally, a chance to prove myself and my intelligence! THAT is how you should read blogs. Let’s not worry anyone here, but in some ways, fear is a good booster for such things.

Reflect on how every moment of life is a chance to demonstrate your inner potential, treating it with the urgency and passion of a make-or-break exam

Because—this COULD be a possibility of a life you will absolutely loathe-- I do not wish such helplessness upon anyone or anything in any of my lives, but let’s all be real here: all your thoughts, even scenarios, are in some way affirmations. These things, if not handled with care and if believed with your whole heart, can either propel you toward immense success or cause you to fade away, like you were never even here. Please, this is your life, your mind, your soul. Don’t let it go to waste because of some measly doubt. You are made of pure stardust; your atoms were once the atoms of a magnificent and beast of a black hole. Who is anyone to tell you these things aren’t possible? You are God.

i'll tell you of a personal story, but it will be short; there was someone whom i cherished so much, sometimes it truly felt like my heart will give out on how much i loved this person, but something in the back of my mind always and consistently repeated that this person will physically or metaphorically leave my life, until one day my love passed away, my inner world (with my knowledge) had for whatever reason accepted this supposedly unharmful passing thought; being

they will leave me. everything always leaves me.

and repeated it until my love had passed on. and i vaguely remember in conversations I would talk to them like they were at a moments notice- gone.

but, through the power of realizing my OWN power, i managed to bring my love "back from the dead". anything and everything is possible, dwell on that.

Contemplate the profound realization of being both the dust of the cosmos and the orchestrator of its endless creation.

Could you ever imagine living out on the streets, so cold that the only music you hear is your teeth chattering? Why? All because you held onto a belief, a knowing that came from nowhere, like: “I’ll be unlucky forever,” or “Nothing goes my way,” or “What is this even good for?”

My sweet, tilt your head up and do what you were meant to do. If there’s anything I’ve learned from all my years of studying topics like these, it’s this:

You. Are. Meant. To. Do. This.

Do you ever stop and think about the sheer magnificence of existence? How, on one hand, you’re nothing more than dust—particles flung across the vast cosmos—yet, on the other hand, you’re everything? You’re the architect, the orchestrator, the creator of this endless unfolding we call life.

Imagine this: every star, every atom, every fleeting moment of beauty in the world—it’s all connected to you. (Quantum Entanglement) Not just in some abstract, distant sense, but in a very real, very profound way. The same energy that explodes in a supernova courses through you when you dream, when you create, when you dare to say, “This is who I am.” 

And isn’t it wild to think that the universe, infinite as it is, had the audacity to condense itself into you? Not just a fragment of the cosmos but the whole thing. You are stardust molded into thought, into feeling, into being. You are both the beginning and the continuation of creation itself.

But let’s not romanticize it to the point of disbelief. Sure, you might think, I’m just a person. And yes, you are. But aren’t the smallest things often the most potent? A spark can ignite a wildfire; a single cell can bloom into a life. You are the microcosm within the macrocosm, the god-self that takes the infinite chaos and breathes meaning into it.

When you look at your life—your struggles, your triumphs, your quiet moments of peace—can you see it? Can you see that you’re both the painter and the canvas, the seed and the tree, the question and the answer? This isn’t about ego; it’s about recognition. Recognition that you are both creation and creator, both the dust of the cosmos and the one who gives it purpose.

So, when the world feels overwhelming, when you feel small, remember this: you’re not just in the universe; the universe is in you. Every thought you think, every dream you dare to chase, is the cosmos expanding, creating, and becoming something it has never been before.

You. Are. It. The dust, the god, the creator of it all.

[l-in-the-light]

I never shared this before online besides to my friend (who thinks I need to touch some grass), but... there is one more hint towards the possiblity that Rosinante might still be alive.

We know that devil fruits don't seem to have "universal" set of rules. To nullify Moria's powers it wasn't enough to knock him unconscious (unlike in case of Sugar) and it's even said that the only way to nullify shadow shadow fruit's effects is when Moria cancels it out of his own free will. We still aren't sure what exactly caused Doffy's birdcage to disappear - Doflamingo was kicked unconscious for a tiny moment in the battle but it didn't do anything, yet by the end of it it suddenly worked. All of this is of course easy counter to what I'm supposed to share here, but please disregard it for a moment so I can entertain you:

We don't really see many devil users dying so it's like impossible to confirm if this could be an universal rule or not, but let's assume it is. If the devil fruit's user dies, the effects of their powers don't disappear and the next user can't do shit about it to reverse the effect. Whatever Boa turns to stone, remains stone forever if she dies. That would explain why Big Mom's homies are still alive when Big Mom herself is presumed death. But then we have this glaring plothole/inconsistency:

If we consider Boa is right, it makes no sense that Corazon's fruit's spell would dissolve on it's own upon his death. In fact, it should mean that Law remains unable to make any sound for the rest of his life!

I know One Piece Red isn't considered strictly canon, Uta and her devil fruit are: Oda designed them, we can see even his detailed notes he sent to the producers for the movie. And let's look at the conversation about how exactly they can nullify Uta's powers in the movie:

Barto: So we'll be alright if Uta gets tired and falls asleep (so we can all return to reality)?

Blueno: Not possible, because she's eating wake-wake shrooms, she can't fall asleep.

Koby: It won't be long till Uta runs out of strength and dies in real world.

Law: We will be released from her fruit's power when she dies, right?

Blueno: No, the opposite. If Uta dies, we will be stuck in this cut-off from reality world. And all of us will be stuck in here forever.

They made an extra time to explain to us the same thing Boa told us: if devil fruit's user dies, anyone affected by their powers stays affected forever. That's already two in-universe examples when this rule is true. Once is chance, twice is coincidence, third time's a pattern.

And now do you remember Vegapunk's devil fruit? Vegapunk's body itself died, but his brain is still functioning. We might soon get a third confirmation of this rule turning out to be true.

And if that happens, what does it mean for Corazon? Did he lie to us and is actually still alive?

"The most ridiculous thing about you is the only part that's true!!" said Law, because Corazon always lies. He lied about being mute, he lied that he's isn't a Navy guy, he lied that his clumsiness is just an act, and there are many other examples of lies he told. Now confront that with what Sengoku says about Rosinante:

"He was as honest and upright a person as I ever knew... but there was one time, just once in his life, that he lied to me"

This contradiction is crazy. Sengoku knew Rosinante for like two decades and he claims Rosinante lied to him only once? Law spent only like two years with Cora-san and he told us more lies than we can probably count in that time!

All I'm saying is this is fishy and sus af. And if we believe One Piece Red and Law believing that df user's death nullifies the powers, it means Law has no idea. Sengoku has no idea.

You can call me crazy, but there is definitely something left unexplained here at the very least, or a plothole, or a freaking heartbreaking twist coming and the mere thought of the latter terrifies me, because it's not really set up as a positive at all imo.

Just what the heck is going on??

People get really mad about this, but WHAT IF Corazon is alive?

I know I can really sound delusional after so many time (saw someone saying that if he did were alive, he would reappear in Dressrosa, but I think it would b too on top of the loop. Not Oda style). But WHAT IF!

There is a plothole for him to come back, we all know that. One piece characters don't die so easily. And when Doffy shoot him, what if he shoot the right spots so he brother doesn't die? Just like in One Piece Academy?

(probably failed not sounding delusional but)

So if there's a really tiny chance he's alive somewhere, with little memories maybe, wouldn't be a fun last challenge to Law?

Fight ur not so dead dad and get the One piece?

I think a heart wrenching aspect of Cora's 'uncertain' passing is that Law might've subconsciously waited for Cora during his stay at Swallow. Maybe 'silence' was dispelled because Cora san passed out? Maybe he survived gunshots like the countless wounds he survived before, and he was right about Doffy not having it in him to kill his brother? I've loved this comic for exploring this idea.

What if Cora is alive, though? I can indulge you a bit so people will think twice before calling you out next time 😎

Here's one in courtesy of Japanese YouTuber kayokky-ch. Back in chapter 49 during Baratie arc, the cooks described a customer like this, and it was never addressed afterwards :

Aren't these some wicked coincidences? Red eyes, wine addiction, bursting in flames - all points click.

Add Oda's tendency to keep people alive. Theories write themselves.

We have seen Whitebeard and Ace's fruit re-emerged, but Cora's is yet to return. Oda has a knack to work with old bits of information he spread around, especially with Saul's comfirmed survival, you can speculate other possibilities.

At least, the possibility isn't at 0%, so if Oda wakes up one day and decides Cora's incredible popularity deserves some attention... it'll be controversial but not a complete retcon.

A definitive proof in favor of Cora's death was the mariner's report and the image they attached to it. At least, Sengoku was supposed to know.

Unless you have a case where Cora was clinically dead for some time and then returned to life, and now Sengoku is keeping his survival a secret.

The theory above speculates that he might be "The man marked by flame", and that's why Law was particularly focused on when this mysterious person was brought up. I'm not sure what sort of agenda Cora would have if he returns. What's your theory behind Rosi possibly confronting Law, anon?

Personally, I've come in terms with the fact that Cora has died. Although, It's a shame that Law never got to return his "love you." Since Oda was somewhat involved with One Piece Odyssey, I like to imagine that Law's words to Cora here are checked by Oda himself. I thought they were very sweet.

Thanks for the ask!

[thatpersonalex18]

Words

I dont have the words,

I never have.

I dont have the words of leaders,

I dont have the kind of words that hold power.

I dont have the words to tell people that fighting is useless.

War is futile but my words are pointless.

I dont have the words to teach man that war and violence does nothing.

I dont have the words to show them the horrors and destruction they cause

When they could just sit down and talk because

They have the words.

And even if I were given a platform,

To yell,

And scream;

These cowards would still go to war.

And I’d make a fool of myself because

I dont have the words.

Even if you were to extract the idea from my brain:

There’d never be enough words that can be formulated from any lexicon to even begin to understand the sentiment because:

I dont have the words.

I dont have the words to show my outrage at people’s disregard of their planet.

I dont have the words to scold the past generations for making us clean up their mess.

I dont have the words to show what their greed and negligence  has done to their home.

I don’t have the words to show people how they are condemning their children with their oversight of their planet.

Even if there was a live stream, where I could rant and cry at the world;

They’d still destroy their only home with overwhelming apathy.

And I’d make a fool of myself because

I dont have the words.

It frustrates me every day that 

I dont have the words.

I don’t have the words to show people how little their leaders care about them.

I don’t have the words to teach people how badly the bigotry can affect people. 

I don’t have the words to persuade people to be even just a little nicer. I don’t have the words to teach people why “all lives matter” inherently negates “black lives matter”.

I don’t have the words to explain why Cis and Straight people don’t get a pride flag. 

I don’t have the words to stop people is prejudices.

I don’t have the words to educate people on the differences between Islam, and though the terrorists who pervert it.

I don’t have the words to show the world the vile things are refugees and immigrants have go through just to be ridiculed by the country they’ve escaped to.

I don’t have the words to teach people why women say, “kill all men”.

I don’t have the words to convince people that anyone other than native cis white straight men should have rights. 

Even in a meeting with anyone who have the slightest shred of influence,

I could scream,

I could rant,

I could yell,

I could cry,

I could shout,

I could break down.

But they still oppress people for things they can’t control.

and I’d make a fool of myself because

I don’t have the words.

I’d scream from the rooftops,

but I don’t have the words.

If I did, I tell you every day how beautiful you are:

I tell you the sunsets are jealous of your smile.

I tell you that God’s favourite Angel is envious because you were chiselled out of the purest Alexandrite.

Id tell you Apollo’s harp is nowhere near to the sound of your laugh.

Id tell you you look like a Taylor Swift song.

Every day i try to go and tell you how pretty you are.

But you’re standing there with,

All your friends and,

All the fourteen eyes on me because I’m interrupting the conversation for…what exactly?

To stammer and stutter and make an absolute fool of myself in front of them because,

I just don’t have the words.

You’d think if you looked at what I’ve done,

“Now that’s a man who has the words”

But my brain is just a big bowl of twisted scribbles,

Rolled up into one big knot,

And whenever I try and find the words to speak,

They just tumble out in to a vomit of turmoil.

And when I try and tell you, even though I want to be more, that I just want to be friends;

the words just jumble up and travelling an endless loop from my mouth to my brain to my stomach to my mouth because

I just don’t have the words.

Yesterday you said that was the funniest thing I’d said,

And he told me, “those words were yours, you have the words”

But I fumble and care and overthink, and I can’t pick the right words.

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if I make you think worse of me?

What if I offend someone?

I wish I could speak some

I wish I could find the words or the courage 

I wish there was a VR world where I could practice saying it so I can get it right.

And I wouldn’t make a fool of myself because

I’d have the words.

I know I don’t have the words to stop wars.

I know I don’t have the words to fix climate change.

I know I definitely don’t have the words to save people from bigotry. But maybe one day,

I can have the words to tell you how I feel about you.

- A.F.A.Makar



[lord-of-gender]

A Small Problem - Part 1

My version of @deyageka’s Childinnit au. 3145 words

Dream revived Tommy, but there were unforeseen consequences

"Dweam! I hungy," Tommy complained, he had appeared in the cell after getting revived, with almost no memory of his life. And he looked to be only five or six years old.

"Look kid, all I have are potatoes," Dream snapped. He didn't know which was worse, teen Tommy that actively disregarded him and never listened, or toddler Tommy who was just annoying and never stopped complaining.

"No, no poo-tato," he grabbed the potato Dream had handed him and chucked it in the lava. Tommy had been talking with the same mocking tone all week.

"You have got to be kidding me," Dream glared at Tommy, resisting the urge to kill him again, knowing it would be better if he was alive, even in this state.

"La, la, la, I'm singing, I'm like Wilby," Tommy said, knowing perfectly well he was getting on Dream's nerves.

"Oh thank god," Dream said when he heard footsteps echoing over the lava. "Sam! Get this child out of here!"

"Hi Sam!" Tommy yelled, his high pitched voice hardly recognizable by Sam. "You have a funny name! I am looking for Wilbur!"

"T-Tommy?" Sam said, the disbelief clear in his voice. "Tommy go the the corner in the water!"

"Why?" Tommy asked, clearly not getting the urgency of the situation.

"Just do it you child," Dream demanded, pushing Tommy towards the corner of the cell.

"Okee," Tommy made his way over and stood in the water. Within seconds he was on the other side with Sam. "Hallo! Hehe, Techno always says that. Ooh! I'm big and scawy like Techno!"

"I'm so confused, how are you alive, and why are you, younger," Sam said, not expecting a response.

"I dunno," Tommy shrugged and with a huge smirk began running away from Sam. "Weeeee, freedom!"

"Tommy!" Sam ran after him, eventually cornering him as Tommy came up to the other lava. Noticing the kid's fearful and entranced expression as he started at the lava.

"No, lava bad," he muttered, backing away from it, he didn't know why, he just didn't like it. "Where's Wilbur?"

"I don't know, why don't you come with me and we'll find him," Sam reached his hand out for Tommy to take. Eventually he did. Looking between the lava and Tommy, Sam didn't feel right making him go through all the protocol, not like this. So he lead Tommy through the guards' secret passageways until they got to the main entrance of the prison.

"What is this place," Tommy asked, "why is Dweam in there?"

"This is a place where bad people go, and Dream is a very bad man," Sam said, leading him to the lockers. "Go into the chest and give me the card in there."

"Are you going to put Techno in there," Tommy asked, opening the ender chest and pulling out what Sam had told him.

"Not unless I have to," Sam said, the thought had crossed his mind, but if he did attempt to Phil would defend Techno. The two were powerful, but had stayed isolated in the mountains and didn't currently pose a threat.

"Is this all mine," Tommy looked at the contents in the regular chest in wonder.

"Yes, but we can leave it here or I can hold onto it until we figure this out," Sam said, talking about getting Tommy back to his normal age.

"But it's mine," Tommy said, he pulled out the axe and tried swinging it around, but the weight was made for someone bigger and stronger than him so he ended up falling to the ground. "Uh, you have it. Too heavy."

"I'll give it back as soon as you get back to normal," Sam said, ruffling Tommy's hair as he put the Axe of Peace back. "But first let's get out of here."

"Okay," Tommy said and Sam took him to the secondary exit he made just in case. They landed down in the water the prison had been built on and Sam helped Tommy swim to the shore.

"Tunnel!" Tommy said, pointing at the tunnel leading to Snowchester. "Let's go there!"

"Alright, I'll take you to Snowchester." Sam crafted a boat and got in, with Tommy getting in behind him, humming to himself as they headed towards the snowy biome.

"Who lives here," Tommy asked, taking in every bit of detail and rubbing his hands together to warm up.

"Tubbo does, I think Foolish and Ranboo do as well," Sam said, he knew he would have to go back to the prison to double check all the safety protocol and move Tommy's items.

"Tubbo," Tommy perked up, "let's see Tubbo!"

"I don't think he's here right now," Sam said, he would have to go back to the Dream SMP to see if Puffy or anyone else could watch Tommy, but then he'd have to explain what happened. "Come on Tommy."

"I'm cold," he said, trudging through the snow behind Sam to Tubbo's cabin.

"I know, but you need to stay here while I go do some things," Sam said, grabbing a cloak from a chest and wrapping it around Tommy. "I don't think Tubbo will mind if you look around."

"Who's up there," Tommy asked, hearing noises from the attic. He went over to the ladder and climbed up and opened the trapdoor to see Micheal entertaining himself. "Hallo! I'm Tommy."

"Oh, that's Micheal," Sam said, climbing up behind him. "Be careful. I have to go. Don't go outside, okay?"

"Okee," Tommy said, looking intently at Micheal as he snorted to himself. Tommy then made some piglike noises, making the young zombie piglin perk up and squeal in excitement.

"Wait, you know piglin," Sam asked, pausing as he started back down.

"Techno teached me, he's a pig-in," Tommy said, then made more noises and the two children continued to talk to each other. "Go away now."

"Well have fun, stay safe Tommy," Sam said, climbing down and closing the doors behind him.

Michael started to point at the photos of him, Ranboo, and Tubbo. Tommy looked at them and searched his memory, as far as he could remember Phil didn't have any pictures like that. Michael oinked as he offered Tommy a handful of cake. His stomach rumbled as he looked at the treat.

"Here I can give you a potato," Tommy said, offering one of the raw potatoes he had left over from the prison. "I don't like them." Michael lit up and took the potatoes, happily eating them.

"Hi Michael," Tubbo came up to see them, they hadn't even heard him open the door. "I'm back buddy."

"Michael wishes you and Ranboo were home more, and he's cold," Tommy said, pulling Tubbo's attention to him. "Hallo!"

"I- hello, who are you," Tubbo asked, he didn't think any other children were on the server, let alone human children.

"It's me, Tommy, remember me Tubbo," Tommy grinned, cake frosting covering his mouth. Tubbo froze. There was no way, it was impossible, he was seeing things. He had to be. Slowly Tubbo climbed back down the ladder.

"How is he," Ranboo asked, carrying a armful of red berry branches, he had slowly been working on clearing out all the berry bushes so Michael could safely walk around outside.

"I-I uh, he's cold," Tubbo stammered, still not fully processing what he found out.

"I can make him a coat, we do have the extra fabric," Ranboo said, he climbed up the ladder to see Tommy and Michael.

"You need this more than I do," Tommy pulled off the cloak and wrapped it around Michael. "I'll ask them to put a fireplace up here."

"Well hello there, who are you," Ranboo said, closing the trapdoor behind him. He sat down in front of the boys.

"Tommy," he said gleefully, "I was stuck with a bad man called Dweam, Sam took me here. He's looking for Wilbur."

"I- okay, do you remember anything before that," Ranboo asked, wondering if he knew everything that Tommy did. "Do you remember me?"

"Uh, no, but you're Ranboo right?" Tommy asked, "and why is Dweam in prison? What bad things did he do?"

"Well he killed multiple people, he blew up something that used to be Tubbo's, he stole some things of yours and did alot of bad things to you," Ranboo said, not mentioning how Dream had used him as well.

"Well I don't remember," Tommy said, he looked at Michael who had been jumping in the corner and snorted to him. "He wants to go outside."

"You understand him," Ranboo asked, he had been trying to find a book on piglin but now that he knew Tommy could speak it that would be a big help.

"Yeah, Techno taught me," Tommy said, making Ranboo feel stupid. Of course, he should have asked Techno to teach him, but then again he had no idea when he would wake up, and he might end up having to tell Techno about Michael.

"What do you remember," Ranboo asked, trying to get a better idea of what happened to Tommy, even if he wouldn't remember.

"Uh, Philza and Wilbur are my family, Techno is a friend of Dadza's, he was the ruler of some place," Tommy stifled a yawn, "the Antarctic Empire."

"Do you want to stay here until Sam comes back," Ranboo asked, Tommy nodded, leaning his head against him.

"Mhm," Tommy mumbled, the events of the past week finally catching up with him. Now that he was outside and could see the sun his lack of sleep started to take hold.

"I'll see if we have an extra blanket," Ranboo said as Michael looked at Tommy curiously. He went down the ladder to see Tubbo muttering to himself.

"Ranboo, please tell me I was just seeing things up there," Tubbo said, pacing around. "Cause I thought I saw Tommy, young Tommy."

"Oh he's there alright," Ranboo said, "I didn't believe it at first, but of course I've never seen young Tommy. So he couldn't have been an illusion."

"But how is he alive," Tubbo said, sitting down on one of the chests.

"Maybe Sam will know, cause Tommy doesn't remember why he was in there," Ranboo said, he grabbed their extra blanket. "But he is cute like this."

"Don't let him know that," Tubbo let out a small chuckle. When Ranboo went back up Tommy had fallen asleep in Michael's bed, Michael was lying down by him.

"Tubbo, get up here, you need to see this," Ranboo whisper yelled.

"What is it," Tubbo came up and 'aww'ed when he saw the two boys sleeping next to each other. "I forgot how peaceful he is when asleep."

"He sleeps like a baby," Ranboo said, "we're not letting this go when he gets back to normal, right?"

"Definitely not," Tubbo laughed, imagining the amount of teasing they could do with this.

"Ranboo, Tubbo, are you guys here," Sam called from downstairs.

"Shh, Tommy just fell asleep," Ranboo jumped down with Tubbo following behind. "So why is he like this?"

"Dream said he brought Tommy back," Sam said, "and he isn't happy this happened."

"Back, like back from the dead," Tubbo clarified.

"Yes, I'm going to try to look through my books and see if there's anyway to fix this," Sam said, "I just wanted to make sure Tommy was okay, are you guys good to watch him? If not I'm sure I could find Puffy or someone else."

"Well once he wakes up I could take Tommy with me, he's talked alot about Phil and Techno," Ranboo offered.

"I don't know, Phil hasn't been the best parent to Tommy in the past," Sam said, "I'd much rather have him stay here, where I know he's safe."

"Well we can't keep this a secret forever, the entire server knows he died," Tubbo said.

"But if the Eggpire knows he's alive they'll go after him," Sam said, "Sam Nook warned me that they were trying to kill him."

"I think alot more than just them were after him," Ranboo said, "If I remember correctly Niki said Jack had tried to kill him." He left out the part of Niki trying to as well, but she had changed, and she was part of the Syndicate.

"So we keep this between us right now, once we get Tommy aged back up he can decide what he wants to do," Sam said.

"I'll look through Phil's library for a solution," Ranboo pulled out his book to write down a reminder.

"We still have to tell someone, there's going to be times when we're all busy," Tubbo said, "and Tommy's not going to be as willing as Michael to stay here all day."

"I think we can trust Puffy, and possibly Quackity, that way he can be around different people," Sam said, he would have to check how close Tommy and Quackity were. Foolish was an option as well, and could protect Tommy if it came to it, but with the Eggpire attacking Foolish he wasn't so sure.

Later that day Ranboo had met up with Philza to help him work on his cabin. Phil was in the basement, trading with Techno's villagers.

"So Phil, can I ask you about something?" Ranboo said, coming down to help him.

"Of course mate, what's up," Phil said.

"What's the 'Antarctic Empire'," Ranboo asked, what Tommy said earlier stuck with him. And he knew it was safer to ask Phil before Techno.

"Do not ever bring that up with Techno," Phil said, his tone dark and warning. "Where the fuck did you hear that?"

"I- uh, Ghostbur mentioned something about it so I got curious," Ranboo lied, remembering that Sam had wanted to keep Tommy on the down-low for the time being.

"Alright, just don't tell Techno that I told you," Phil said, "the Antarctic Empire is a land far from here, it's where Techno lived before coming here. It's not quite an empire anymore and is the reason he hates government. He saw the state of everyone who lived there and hated himself for it. So he ended his reign and went into hiding, watching as the Empire tore themselves apart."

"That's crazy," Ranboo said, "but it does explain alot."

The next day Sam had run into Quackity while trying to find Puffy or Ranboo. He needed someone to watch Tommy, but Tuboo said he had other things to do.

"Oh thank god, Quackity can you do something for me," Sam said, stopping him.

"Uh, what is it," Quackity asked as Sam threw a book to him.

"Read that and go into the second floor suite of Tommy's hotel," Sam said, "you are to tell no one, if you have any questions find Tubbo or Ranboo."

"What the fuck, I have things I need to do myself," Quackity called as Sam ran off to finish repairing the prison, but with the mining fatigue he didn't know how long it would take him. Quackity sighed as he looked at the book, it wasn't titled and he decided to just pocket it. He walked to the hotel and when he confirmed Jack wasn't there, went up where Sam told him.

"Hallo!" Tommy waved, making Quackity jump. "Are you Big Q?"

"No, no, no," Quackity shook his head, it had to be some cruel joke.

"No?" Tommy said, "are you sad?"

"No! What's your name?" Quackity said, there was no way this was Tommy. He wasn't a kid, he was dead.

"Tommy, I'm five," he said, then walking back to what he was doing. He took a yellow paper he had cut out and put together, and put it on his head. It was a crown. "I'm like Techno!"

"Okay, but why are you a child," Quackity pulled out the book and began to read it. It explained to him the situation as far as they knew, that he was to keep Tommy hidden, and the added death threat if anything happened to Tommy.

"What's wrong with being a child," Tommy asked, everyone had been talking as if him being like this was wrong. This statement make Quackity burst out laughing, the older Tommy would have never said that.

"I don't know, I mean you're probably less of a handful at this age," Quackity said, ruffling Tommy's hair. He had to make the most of this, and he had the perfect idea of how. "How would you like to help me annoy an old grumpy ghost?"

"Sure," Tommy grabbed the moth toy he had spent all of last night begging Sam and Tubbo to make. "Ready."

"What's your moth's name," Quackity asked as he and Tommy left the hotel. Tommy waved by to Sam Nook as they passed him.

"His name is Clementine," Tommy said, Quackity tried not to laugh again as his British accent fully came out when he said the name. "And you have to say it just like me."

"Okay kid," Quackity spotted Jack in the distance, he was coming in their direction. "Listen to me, we're going to play superheroes right now. My name is Big Q, and yours, what's a name you like?"

"Bird man!" Tommy said, Quackity shook his head, there was no way Jack would buy that. "No, um, Sleepy Boi! It's what Wilbur would call us."

"That works. Now I need you to tell everyone you see that's your name, cause we're under cover and we can't let anyone know our real names," Quackity said, he just had to hope Jack would fall for it.

"Okee Big Q," Tommy said as they passed Jack. He originally walked right by, but did a double take when he saw Tommy.

"Wait is that- no that's impossible," Jack stopped, he said it to no one in particular, but Quackity had heard him.

"Who? This kid," Quackity asked, playing it off. "Why don't you tell Jack your name."

"I'm Sleepy Boi!" Tommy said, putting his fist in the air. There was a moment of confusion on Jack's face, but he seemed to buy it.

"Well if this little guy wants to have a room in my hotel, I might be willing to give it at a discount," Jack said, "well I have work to do, see you around Big Q."

"But that's my hotel," Tommy said as Jack went out of earshot, "Sam told me."

"Well right now you're not old enough to own the hotel," Quackity said, "and because Jack is the only employee he automatically got ownership when you were in the prison."

"I'm going to fire him as soon as I take it back," Tommy said, his head held high.

"Alright, you do that," Quackity chuckled, there was a small chance he would actually do that once they found a way to fix him.

[e-the-village-cryptid]

Yes!!! "Portraying women in a way which allows them to be heard but not misunderstood" — I really enjoyed the part of the podcast, especially her discussion of rage and how that rage is both necessary and allowable, and can lead to people dismissing you. She says something along the lines of "Electra's right to be angry, but people also see that rage as permission to dismiss her. But you also have to go through that stage of anger in order to mature into it and articulate it more clearly. I would love to play Electra as growing into that rage throughout the play, not denying her anger but allowing it and learning to articulate it in a way that allows her to be heard." and that was just *chef's kiss*

I'm so glad you brought up Lady Macbeth, I wrote about her (and was fascinated with her) in school. (I was SO hoping that Denise Gough was about to bring her up as an example of "women who wanna destroy the world" as she'd just said, but alas. Lady Margaret works too.) We got to write a research paper on any theme within Macbeth we chose and I went ham digging through psychology journal databases finding stuff on guilt and thought suppression trying to psychoanalyze Lady Macbeth haha. I was also interested in the notion of her as powerful— in particular, the way her power feels so tenuous and sort of breaks down throughout the play. My thesis was basically that Lady Macbeth's deterioration throughout the play followed the track of her obsessive suppression of any thoughts regarding her fear or guilt or other negative emotions, and of course, attempts to suppress thoughts only make them grow in their power over you until they overwhelm you. I didn't get into the gender politics of it because I had no idea what to do with them at the time, but if I were to do it again now, I absolutely would. She suppressed so much of herself so strongly because she felt like any sign of anything anyone could take as "womanly" would be a sign of weakness. Looking back, I was definitely inventing an internal world for her that Shakespeare was probably not thinking of at all, because I just couldn't get behind the incompleteness of leaving women as only one of two extremes with no complexity behind them.

I haven't seen Arcane but I'll have to check it out! I'm sorry you haven't found other shows that portray women as equal in internal complexity to men, there's definitely a pervasive problem of women being portrayed that way but it's by no means everything out there, especially in more recent years and with a rise in women writing and directing. It's always a work in progress— even Andor isn't perfect on that front, I was unimpressed with the way they portrayed (or rather, didn't portray) Bix's internal world and complexity in the second half of the season especially. But there is definitely plenty of media out there with amazingly written women if you go looking for it, and overall, it's gradually getting better. And in the meantime, I will continue to latch onto women whose internal worlds felt incompletely written to me and write pages and pages constructing them for myself lmao why do I frustrate myself like this

Agreed! I love the way that with characters like Dedra and Mon and Cinta and Vel and Kleya and really every morally grey character, Andor doesn't sink into "positive" stereotypes of women being warmer, more nurturing, more emotionally intelligent, less capable of evil, etc. Positive stereotypes are often disregarded for the harm they cause, but they can have just as harmful an impact as negative stereotypes and often fly under the radar when it comes to avoiding stereotyping in a piece of media. I appreciated Andor's in-your-face showing you that NO, women can be equally corrupted by power, equally cold and ruthless (on both sides of the war), equally faced with difficult decisions and equally likely to make questionable ones as men, because women are just people. And I appreciate Denise for not shrinking from that for Dedra at all, for showing that Dedra can BOTH face gender discrimination within the Empire AND STILL BE fully accountable for her actions. Denise put it best: "She is not just a woman in a man’s world, but a fascist in a world of fascists. It was important to see that power corrodes women as much as men."

I need to talk to someone about this podcast episode for like 3 hours

no specific fandom or context necessary, just a really amazing conversation on addiction, recovery, treating your past self with understanding and respect, the value of rage, acting roles of "unpalatable" women with compassion and honesty, and the importance of truth in telling stories

I listened to it and then immediately went back and listened to the whole thing again and that is the only time I have ever done that, it's a beautiful episode please consider giving it a listen

and if you do listen. please. talk to me about it. I am bursting with things to say and questions to ask. I'm losing my mind over this. I'm begging you

[mettywiththenotes]

Izuku’s Emotional Neglect

Hi so I’m not okay because I keep thinking about Izuku

This kid has been emotionally neglected since he was little. Izuku has had NOBODY to rely on emotionally

He didn’t have Inko, or his classmates, or All Might. Actually, All Might is borderline the only one he’s confided in [since they talk briefly about their connection of being quirkless], but he still holds back

Inko is trying her best and no parent is perfect, I see that, but what she said to Izuku that fateful night damaged that boy and the way he saw himself.

He asks her if he can be a hero, and she cries and says she’s sorry. Not only does this imply that Izuku’s quirklessness is bad, it also implies that she was lying.

And by the way, I don’t mean that Inko ACTUALLY lied that Izuku could be a hero, nor do I think that she meant to mean his quirklessness was bad.

But I need, NEED, to stress that this is how Izuku sees it. This is how he would perceive it, subconciously.

If you’re a child and you think that you can be a hero, your parent encourages it because it makes you happy. But then suddenly you can’t be a hero, and you ask them one more time if it’s possible, hoping that those little wishes you made weren’t fruitless, that maybe somehow this is some kind of dream and she’ll wake you up from it with her smile and her warmth, promising that even with this newfound “disability” you can still be a hero, but instead she cries and apologises to you? That’s going to make you think. It’s going to make you think “Was she lying? if she truly believed in me, why would she cry and say she’s sorry? why isn’t she encouraging me, like she always does? what is happening?”

It’s not the truth, and Inko DIDN’T lie, but subconsciously I feel like it’s something that betrayed Izuku a great deal.

And with the quirklessness. He hates it, he hates feeling useless, and he saw himself as useless when he was quirkless, therefore -> quirkless is something weak and awful.

Time and time again, we see this evidence of the emotional neglect he was subjected to. It’s like actively ongoing and the effects of it are seen even now

We’ll start with the Inko one. I just mentioned it, but here are the panels. It’s really just the language that she uses

“You mean there’s something wrong?”

Apologizing over and over again, like not being normal was a bad thing. Moreso, I think this just meant that she knew how hard Izuku’s life was going to be as a quirkless person, but the way she says it makes it sound like what happened to Izuku was wrong and bad and incredibly awful

Then we have All Might disregarding his feelings and telling him straight up that he couldn’t be a hero

Which then leads to this commentary

“Don’t cry! Let it sink in!!” “Just block it out, just block it all out, just-”

*pats Izuku on head* You Can Fit So Much Denial And Repression Into This Kid!

Then further along, Izuku is seen, and he gets the quirk. He is then surrounded by people that love him, that want to help him, but it’s almost like even the narrative won’t let him have emotional closure.

In most emotional closure scenes (Tsuyu crying, Kirishima vs Rappa, Iieda in the hospital with Shouto and Izuku, Kacchan vs Deku 2), there is an end to it. The character is emotional, crying or upset, and thinking back on their regrets, spilling their guts as they scream, sob, or give solemn expressions. The other characters then cheer/hype them up, reaching some sort of conclusion to the character’s pain, and the situation is more or less resolved.

But that’s not the case with Izuku. He’s always left sorta hanging there, or his hurt and anger get sidetracked by something else. One example of this is the Running With All Might scene in the UA grounds

Izuku is incredibly upset that All Might chose to withhold information on Sir Nighteye and Mirio, and he speaks about how he can’t make sense of it. He’s voicing all his worries to All Might as they run, because he can’t stand the thought of All Might keeping something like this a secret from him.

And then All Might tells him why he kept it a secret, that he didn’t feel it was necessary to let Izuku know about Nighteye’s bias, and then it divulges into him telling Izuku he’s gonna die, and Izuku focuses on that instead.

I am NOT saying that All Might did this purposefully. He didn’t try and steer Izuku’s anger away from him, it was just that it all got revealed so suddenly, so the subject changed.

The narrative tosses Izuku’s feelings of anger aside, and instead Izuku gets emotional over All Might’s potential death. Idk man, to go from angry and upset about withheld information and then immediately shoved into the knowledge that your mentor-father figure is gonna die? That’s the narrative playing with Izuku’s feelings.

Obviously, All Might’s communication skills are awful and he just kinda unloaded all this stuff on Izuku cuz he didn’t think to tell him in the first place, but I still think Izuku’s feelings got pushed around here. He had no time to process any of it

Another example is the cafeteria scene with Shouto and Iieda

The scene goes that Izuku is visibly depressed by the Eri situation and Iieda and Shouto notice. They tell him that he can talk to them when everything gets too much [a parallel to the Stain fight], and Izuku cries. Izuku insists he shouldn’t cry, and Shouto tells him that, actually, Heroes cry too sometimes, and they offer him their food in an attempt to comfort him.

But the thing is, this scene doesn’t offer closure. Closure would be Izuku seeing that he could rely on his friends and telling them how he feels [he wouldn’t have to necessarily tell them about Eri - maybe just phrase it in another way that doesn’t reveal the mission]. Closure would be Izuku accepting that Heroes can cry too, and admitting he’s not okay. Instead, we have this

The scene feels... incomplete? Like there’s no knot at the end of the rope. Izuku is being comforted, but he’s not acknowledging his own feelings of sadness.

In fact, he’s shoveling food into his mouth to stop himself from crying, to shut himself up, to try and move forward and get past his little outburst.

I would go as far as to say this is self hatred eating, trying to quell that vulnerable part inside

I wouldn’t say Izuku HATES himself now. Rather, he just makes connections to his past quirkless self in his mind. It’s the negative emotion connection

Feeling weak? Well, you’re still like your quirkless self before! You’re still not good enough and useless!

Not strong enough? Sounds like back when you were quirkless! All weak and helpless! You can’t help anyone, which is why you need to get stronger, so you can move on from your past self!

Crying? Just like when you were quirkless! You always cried back then, like a helpless kid! You can’t be like that anymore, since you are now All Might’s Successor and A Hero, so stop crying! You’re not allowed to cry anymore!

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Izuku continuously represses these emotions as he gets stronger because he connects them to when he was quirkless. If you associate certain behaviors and emotions with how you were during a vulnerable and traumatic time in your life, you’re going to want to shove those emotions down so you don’t repeat what happened back then [in this case, Izuku sees himself being vulnerable as weak, and he saw himself as weak when he was quirkless, so he’s trying not to be vulnerable anymore].

And the scary thing is, now, we can even see the hatred in real time. I’m sure there are other examples in the manga, but one scene is very prominent in my mind, and it’s this one

Izuku is so incredibly strong now, he has saved many people, but he still can’t view himself as anything other than “useless” or “helpless” unless he powers through death itself just to break himself more. He almost feels like he HAS to do that in order to be seen as worthy, for himself and others. When he’s struggling, bleeding and heavily injured, he yells at himself as if it’s all his fault.

It’s not about whether he’s aware he’s actively dying or not. To him, being worthless and useless is infinitely worse than dying.

Actually, the way Izuku practically yells at himself in this panel reminds me of when he was walking home in chapter 1 after his chat with All Might [shown above when talking about All Might’s impact]

There are two translated versions of this actually that ring alarm bells in my head. There is the panel already pictured above, but I chose this panel too because I simply think it hits harder

“Don’t cry! You knew already, right?! This is reality...”

In either translation, he’s chiding himself. For crying. For being emotional.

And once again, I totally think this stems from emotional neglect. Trying not to get too personal here, but I know what this feels like, and I know the effect it has had on me. I can’t be vulnerable or spill my feelings in front of people, it just feels illegal or smthg. Like it shouldn’t be done. And like... if you’re taught from an early age that, one way or another, your feelings don’t matter and that nobody is going to pay attention to you, why try, right?

Then you just begin to Not Feel Properly, and you become incapable of expressing your feelings in a healthy manner

Current examples of this?

Izuku literally not giving himself time to process anything, like worry, grief, sadness. If anything, the only emotion he gives time for is anger. And he specifically directs it at All For One, cause that’s his target. [we saw little bits of this in War Arc but it also applies to the current arc]

He can’t cry. He feels emotional, sure. But he never lets his tears shed.

And one last bit of evidence

I’d say most if not all of these sound about right

In conclusion I wanna hug Izuku

[babyjamiebarnes]

Build-A-Bear

Part One

Featuring: Bucky x Stark!reader, dad!Tony, Peter Parker (platonic), background MCU characters

Warnings: [chapter] language; [series] language, smut, violence

Summary: The only people who knew she was actually a Stark were her dad, her step-mom Pepper, and her “uncles” Happy and Rhodey. A promotion within Stark Industries takes her from an already-sought after position in the Weapons Anaylsis Unit straight to the Avengers as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist... which means her dad is her new boss. There’s only one rule at work: no fraternizing with coworkers. There’s one more rule at home: no dating any Avengers. So what is she supposed to do when a grumpy super soldier becomes not-so-grumpy around her? At 25, do her dad’s rules still apply? Or is her entire livelihood at risk?

Author’s Note: I’ve written a decent portion of this but know I won’t keep writing it or post it unless I hold myself accountable and get it out there in the first place 🙈 I haven’t written much for Marvel yet but I’ve read plenty and have written for other fandoms in the past (not to mention the writing degree on my wall lol). I’ll try to post every 2-3 days to keep this moving! And if you like it and want to, buy me a coffee!

No one knew Tony Stark had a daughter. No one but Tony Stark and his daughter. Well, and her step-mom Pepper. And her godfather Rhodey. And her uncle-not-uncle Happy. But no one in their everyday lives knew. She was given her mother’s maiden name and kept a secret, even when she turned 17 and moved to a small apartment near NYU’s campus (with Happy stationed right next door, of course) to start life as a truly normal adult, or as close to normal as an undercover Stark could be. When she graduated with her PhDs in robotics and electrical engineering at 25 — proving brains really do run in the family — she moved into her own apartment in Manhattan, funded by her father under the pseudonym “Michael Myers.” Subtlety was never his strong suit.

Fortunately for you, growing up without the Stark name let you live a relatively normal life. It also allowed you to apply for a position within Stark Industries without being ushered past any red tape because of who your father is. Outside of the financial advantage you had, you worked for your spot in a STEM career. You suffered through every man in your field belittling your work despite knowing less than you. You dealt with the constant interruptions and “well, actually” because of your gender. You powered through late nights and early mornings when your mind was flowing too smoothly to quit.

The last thing you wanted to do was have all that work disregarded because you shared a name with genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark. So you filled out the application, sent in your resume and cover letter, and attached three letters of recommendation from your professors. You went through hours of interviews, background checks (conveniently redacting your father’s name), and polygraph tests until that offer letter showed up in your email. You even had to sign the Non-Disclosure Agreements that would bar you from discussing *anything* work-related with anyone outside of your department.

You spent your first year in the weapons analysis department, evaluating alien weaponry and determining how it worked and how to disable it. You had your fair share of mishaps, of course. Holes blasted into walls, fried robot dummies, even burnt animal carcasses. By the end of your first year, your supervisor sent a commendation and proposal for you for an undisclosed promotion. After Pepper Potts “thoroughly examined your resume, cover letter, and accomplishments during your tenure with Stark Industries,” as the letter read, you were awarded a position working on the Avengers’ weapons as a Weapons Enhancement Specialist. You’d never see a fight in-person, but you were assigned to work on advancements and post-battle repairs for everyone, from the Winter Soldier’s arm to the Falcon’s wings to Vision’s... everything. The only heroes you wouldn’t work on were Iron Man and War Machine (those were your dad’s territory) and Spider-Man.

On your first day in your new position, the one and only Pepper Potts showed you to your new lab on the 47th floor. It took all your willpower to look your step-mother in the eye and say, “Wow, Miss Potts. This is amazing. It’s such an honor to meet you,” with a straight face to convince any passerby that you had no outside affiliation with her. Even if her eyes stayed steady on you, you could see her mentally rolling them.

Once you were alone behind the doors of the elevator, conversation changed course.

“You’re going to be sharing a lab with someone else,” Pepper said.

“Sweet. As long as they’re competent, that’s fine by me,” you shrugged. Part of earning your degrees was learning to share a workspace with others, even those who bumbled and fumbled with no idea what they were doing. You’d had more hair singed by nearby explosions than you’d like to admit.

“He’s still in college so he’s not here as often as the others. Most of his work will be on Spider-Man’s gadgets and suit, but you can use him for any help you need.”

Walking past the familiar faces of Dr. Banner and Dr. Cho in their respective labs, Pepper ushered you into your lab, where you were met by your father and put on the same excited facade you did with Pepper.

“Oh my god, you’re Tony Stark! This is incredible! It’s such an honor to meet you, sir!”

He shook his head at you and reluctantly accepted your outstretched hand. Oh, the jokes you’d be making at family dinners.

“Yeah, anyway, this is your new lab, Miss [Y/L/N]. Make yourself at home. This lab rat over here is mister Parker. If you have any questions, he can at least bullshit an answer for you.”

The young man on the other side of the lab perked up at the sound of his name. He tugged the goggles off his face and set down his soldering rod to rush over to you.

“Hi. Hi, I’m Peter,” he said, reaching his hand out to you.

“I’m [Y/N]. It’s nice to meet you, lab partner.”

He looked to be a bit younger than you and at least relatively smart, if the MIT sweatshirt peeking out from under his lab coat said anything. If your dad gave him an internship like this, you knew you shouldn’t question it. He had to be a genius.

The kid just smiled at you, continuing to shake your hand past what most would deem socially acceptable.

“Okay, enough of that,” Tony said, pushing on your joined hands to separate you two. “Mister Parker might be in and out of the lab from time to time. He joins the Avengers on the occasional recon mission for immediate repairs but since he’s on break from classes, you’ll see him more often than not. Play nice.”

When he noticed you surreptitiously looking Peter up and down, he added, “Remember, no fraternizing with coworkers.” He pointed a finger directly at you before he spun and pointed to your fellow lab mate, realizing he should warn Peter too to save face.

“All the blueprints you need for the Tin Man’s arm are in the system. We’ll have you start on that and see what you can do about minimizing the sound that thing makes. Any other questions, give Pep a call.”

“Thank you, mister Stark. I really do appreciate everything,” you said genuinely.

“Yeah, well… don’t let me down,” he replied, patting you on the shoulder on his way out. Pepper followed close behind, leaving you alone with Peter Parker.

“So Peter,” you started, sliding onto the lab chair next to where he remained standing, “tell me about yourself.”

“Uh… what do you want to know?” he asked as he shoved his hands into his coat pockets.

“How old are you?” you asked immediately.

“I’m 21.”

Only four years younger than you. So you’d probably get along just fine.

“I assume you’re at MIT?” He nodded. “What are you studying?”

“Biomolecular and mechanical engineering.” He said it so casually, you’d think he was talking about the last song he heard on the radio.

“Damn,” you responded, eyes wide. “I thought robotics and electrical engineering was wild but fuck, that sounds like hell.”

He laughed and nodded, letting a bit of the tension in his shoulders fall. “Yeah, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.”

He shot you a small smile before gesturing back at his project. “I should probably get back to work and let you get started.”

For the rest of the day, you familiarized yourself with the Winter Soldier’s arm to figure out how to… turn the volume down? You assumed it was the gears inside causing the noise, but part of you wanted to outfit an audio jack and speaker just to fuck with your dad.

You and Peter worked in relative silence, aside from the playlist he had quietly playing through the lab sound system. When lunch rolled around, however, you finally spoke up.

“Hey Peter,” you called, his eyes flicking from the chemical beakers in front of him up to you. “First of all, what are you doing?”

“Um, it’s Spider-Man’s web fluid. Just trying to find more durable combinations.”

“Interesting.” As much as you wanted to touch the stringy substance, you knew better than to fiddle with someone else’s lab work. “Okay so second thing, in my last position, I’d just order food and have it brought to my floor but now that I’m on an exclusive floor, what do you do for lunch?”

“Oh, there are a couple security guys who have clearance to come into this floor. They just can’t get into any rooms so you’d have to meet them at the elevator. But I usually find something in the kitchen down the hall.”

“Oh, sweet. Thanks!” you said as you made your way out the door. Before you could fully exit, you turned back to see if Peter wanted you to grab anything. Once he promised he’d take his own break ‘once I get this one thing figured out,’ you continued to make your way to the kitchen.

As you drew closer to the doorway, you could hear three voices speaking over each other. They didn’t sound angry, but they were definitely arguing. You opened the door anyway and almost immediately froze in your tracks. The Falcon stood with one hand on his own head and one on the Winter Soldier’s head while Captain America rolled his eyes before those same eyes landed on you, along with the rest of the room.

“Perfect,” Sam started. “Hey new girl, between the three of us,” he said, pointing to himself, the Soldier, and the Captain, “who has the best hair?”

“First of all, my name is [Y/N]. Second,” you continued, making your way past them to the fridge you hoped your dad kept stocked with goodies, “that’s an unfair question.”

You grabbed a soda and popped it open before turning back to the three men. “Your hair suits each of you. Cap wouldn’t look good with Winter Soldier hair and Falcon wouldn’t look good with Cap’s hair.” You took a few steps closer, leaning against the island counter between you and eyeing each of them. Your eyes settled on the Winter Soldier, unashamedly flitting across his face and admiring the sharpness of his features. “You,” pointing at him, “could probably pull off either of their looks, though.”

Bucky smirked at you, but his rosy cheeks gave away a hint of embarrassment at your compliment. Steve and Sam, on the other hand, weren’t taking it quite as gracefully.

“What?!” Sam shouted. “Okay, now I know you’re lying. I could pull off Cap’s hair for sure.”

“You know, I think shaggy hair would really suit me,” Cap said, only half sarcastically.

You giggled to yourself as the three of them started talking over each other again, all dead set on their own hair being the best of them and positive they could pull off the others’ looks. While they bickered, you searched the pantry until you found a snack to at least get you through the remainder of the day.

“Alright boys, it’s been fun but I have work to do,” you said as you walked past them again. “Actually, wait. Bucky — can I call you Bucky?” He nodded even though you continued anyway. “If you could stop by lab six today, I’d love to check out your arm in person. The digital renderings aren’t quite the same.”

“Uh, okay. Sure. I’ll find you,” he said quietly.

“Sweet, thanks!” And with that, you skedaddled back to your lab.