#displaying Octavia's training in action

[bleucaesura]

STOLITZØ - FIFTY ONE

Blitzø and Stolas sat in an awkwardly comfortable silence for a short time, each swimming in their own thoughts, neither sure what to say or do next.

After sufficient time to move past being overwhelmed by his open displays of affection for Stolas - something completely new and foreign to him - Blitzø cleared his throat.

“You uh… You said you didn’t hide your face cuz of me?”

Stolas looked at him. “No darling. I didn’t.”

Blitzø tried to look uninterested and casual. “Then uh… then why DID you hide your face?”

Stolas sighed and looked away.

Ah f*ck… Put your f*cking foot in it why don’t you…

“Stol…” Blitzø reached out to him apologetically.

“I was ashamed of myself.” Stolas began. “Asmodeus opened wounds in public that I wasn’t ready to face.”

Blitzø took his hand and squeezed it in encouragement.

Stolas turned and looked at him. He smiled sadly.

“As happy as you’ve made me, Blitzø, I do worry about my family.”

Blitzø’s heart sank. Right… His family…

Stolas saw Blitzø’s face fall and quickly tried to repair his fumbled words.

“By family I mean Octavia, Blitzø.” He held his hand tightly and looked him in the eyes. “Stella is not, and has truly never been my family.”

Blitzø blushed.

This bird… F*ck me…

“I’ve worried a lot about how my actions… How OUR actions could affect Octavia. And Asmodeus ripped that wound open and tossed it out for all to see.”

Stolas’s eyes welled with tears. “Octavia is my world, Blitzø.”

“I know.” Blitzø reached up and wiped a tear from Stolas’s cheek. “Loona is mine.”

Stolas smiled and leaned into Blitzø’s hand.

They remained that way for a few heartbeats. But the air got too heavy and Stolas pulled back before he lost his train of thought.

“I was ashamed of myself, Blitzø. Never of you. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I was.”

Blitzø slapped his hands on his face and dragged them down in exasperation.

“No…” he sighed. “I'M sorry…”

Stolas reached out to Blitzø, confused. “Wha…”

Blitzø waved him off and sighed.

“Jumper of conclusions.” He pointed at himself with his left hand, then his right. “Hater of all things self.”

He stuck out a hand like he wanted to shake. “Nice ‘ta meet’cha.”

Stolas giggled. His little owl hoots slipped through.

Blitzø grinned. He’d missed that laugh. His one and only fan…

“Anyway…” Blitzø awkwardly tried to steer back to his apology.

“I was a dick… For so many reasons.” Blitzø averted his gaze. “I’m sorry. Stolas.”

Blitzø peeked back at Stolas.

“Thank you, Blitzø. I’m sorry too.” Stolas smiled meekly back at him.

“What else could you possibly be sorry about?”

“I didn’t realize how my attempts at being playful and endearing by referring to you as an imp, were actually hurtful, demeaning and racist…”

Blitzø froze.

“Wait… Who… Who said that..?” He stammered.

“You did.” Stolas looked at Blitzø and raised an eyebrow.

“That…” Blitzø started to sweat. He swallowed hard. “That was REAL?!”

No. No F*CKING way… That was a dream. Just a F*CKING DREAM!

Stolas nodded. He titled his head, looking at Blitzø confused.

“So… So I told you about…”

“Being sold to be my friend?”

“And…”

“Only being at my party to steal my book?”

“Oh f*ck…” Blitzø’ ears were ringing. “And Ozzie’s?”

“A way to get in the door?”

Blitzø couldn’t breathe. He was hyperventilating. He tried to pull his covers off.

“Where’s my gun? Is my gun around here? My kingdom for a gun! F*cking KILL ME NOW!!”

Stolas squawked in surprise and frantically tried to hold Blitzø down.

“Blitzø! Blitzø, please!”

“I’m scum!” Blitzø flailed weakly against Stolas. He saw a power cord from one of the bed monitors and lunged to grab it. “Plug! Is this my plug? Pull it! I f*cking deserve to die!”

Stolas sighed. He didn’t want to hurt Blitzø so he was trying to be very gentle.

“Blitzø. Darling. Doesn’t it say something that I heard all you said, and I’m still here?”

Blitzø stopped struggling and peeked up at Stolas.

“I heard all the bad. But I also heard… The rest.”

Blitzø blushed and tried to cover his face with his arms.

Stolas let go of Blitzø and sat on the edge of the bed.

“How I was kind to you and you had fun with me when we were kids. How I made you feel wanted and cared for when I saved you in the human world.” Stolas reached out and tenderly touched Blitzø’s arm. “How I’m the best you’ve ever had…?”

Blitzø turned every shade of red imaginable. He tried to hide his face under a pillow.

Now I REALLY want to die.

“Darling… You asked me to stay…”

Stolas pulled the pillow away from Blitzø’s face.

Blitzø peeked up at him shyly.

Stolas smiled sadly.

“Blitzø… I was selfish to force this contract on you. And foolish to think that our sexual intimacy meant we had personal or romantic intimacy.”

Blitzø’s heart clenched.

“After what happened at Ozzie’s I knew I had to find a way to release you from this obligation between us or it would destroy us both.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Blitzø snapped and cringed, immediately regretting it.

Stolas pulled back and turned his face away.

“I’ve been hurting you for so long. Putting your livelihood in the same basket as my sexual wants and needs. Making you feel like I could take that away at any time… When I’d never do that. I’d never…”

Stolas took a ragged breath and sighed.

Blitzø wanted so badly to hold him.

“It took me far too long to realize the vast imbalance in our… Arrangement. So I sought Asmodeus’s assistance to rectify it.”

“So, Fizz WAS telling the truth?”

Stolas looked back at Blitzø, confused.

“You got the crystal so I’d have free access to the human world without you. Ending our contract. Freeing me from our deal.” Blitzø cringed against the IV needle in his hand as he reached out and touched Stolas. “Allowing you and I the chance to start over. As equals.”

Stolas was surprised.

“Fizz said you told Asmodeus that you’ve always considered us equals.” Blitzø slid his fingers between Stolas’s. “Is that true?”

Stolas’s eyes filled with tears. He turned to lean closer to Blitzø on the bed, taking Blitzø’s outstretched hand carefully into his.

“Always! And I’m truly sorry my words or actions ever spoke otherwise.”

Blitzø was taken aback by Stolas’s reaction.

He carefully curled his fingers around Stolas’s hand and smiled up at him.

“Well… Aren’t we a pair of f*cking idiots?”

They both laughed awkwardly.

F*ck. Has he always been this cute?

Blitzø pulled Stolas’s hand down and kissed it lightly.

Stolas blushed. “Blitzy?”

Blitzø surprised himself. He blushed, let go of Stolas’s hand, and tried to reposition himself to sit more comfortably. He tried to hide his face.

Where the f*ck did THAT come from?!

“There’s actually something I’ve been wanting to tell you, Blitzy” Stolas said quietly.

Blitzø looked at him. Stolas was blushing and he looked so serious. Blitzø flushed and swallowed hard.

Satan f*cking dammit… I love this idiot…

“Me too.” Blitzø whispered.

Stolas placed a hand tenderly on Blitzø’s cheek, smiling lovingly at him. Blitzø could see tears in his eyes.

Blitzø reached up and cupped Stolas’s hand in his, leaning into the feel of it, its warmth and tenderness.

He could feel his heart beating out of his chest. Tears started to sting his eyes. He smiled warmly at Stolas.

Stolas leaned over and touched his forehead to Blitzø’s.

Blitzø reached up with his other hand and ran it through Stolas’s feathers, his hand coming to rest on the nape of Stolas’s neck.

Stolas closed his eyes and let out a slow and ragged sigh.

“Blitzø… I lo…”

“Dad?”

Blitzø and Stolas practically flew apart. Stolas flailed and fell off the bed, popping up a moment later with his cape over his head.

Octavia snickered.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt anything. But the doctor said Blitzø was awake?”

Stolas floundered trying to get his cape off his head. Blitzø snorted and tried not to laugh.

“I am.” He smiled at Octavia.

She smiled warmly back at him. “I’ve got someone who wants to see you.”

Loona poked her head in the doorway, unsure if she should enter.

“Loony! My sweet, baby girl!” Blitzø’s eyes sparkled and stung with tears. He leaned forward and threw his arms wide.

Loona ran over and threw herself onto the bed and into his arms.

It took Blitzø a moment to register what was happening, so his arms remained outstretched while he processed. Afraid it was a dream, Blitzø’s hands shook as he slowly closed his arms around Loona. Blitzø couldn’t stop himself from crying.

F*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ck… My sweet baby girl…

Loona half hugged Blitzø as she lay next to him. “Don’t get too used to this.” She said, and smiled to herself.

Blitzø bit his bottom lip as silent tears streamed down his face. He couldn’t stop smiling.

F*ck f*ckf*ckf*ckf*ckf*ck… I’m so f*cking happy right nooooooow!

Stolas’s heart swelled watching Loona and Blitzø.

“I’ll just go speak to the doctor. Leave you two alone.”

Blitzø smiled warmly at Stolas as he and Octavia left the room.

“Love you dad,” Loona whispered.

Blitzø bawled his eyes out. “I love you tooooooo!” He hugged her tightly, tears streaming and snot bubbling.

Loona chuckled and snuggled closer. “I’ll allow it.”

*****

[a-hell-of-a-time-archive]

hc + control (for each of your muses pls) ♡

Send me hc + a word of your choosing and I’ll write a headcanon relating to that word! : Accepting!

((Andrealphus was raised from an early age to be in absolute control of himself and his emotions at all times. If he was to show even a hint of what could be perceived as a weakness, an example being him shedding any tears, he was met with swift blow back and a reminder that such displays of emotion were unbecoming of a goetia.

This eventually spiralled into a desire to control every single aspect of his life; to make sure that not a single imperfection could be found and would be well hidden behind masks of ice. To have control of every situation, to manipulate everything to his favour and that of his family, that is what is expected of him as a goetia and how he runs his life.

Sadly such perfectionism and way of living comes with a cost, and it will be only a matter of time before he breaks due to the pressure and stress of it all.))

((For Octavia, control means keeping her true emotions hidden behind a veil of indifference, snark and sarcasm. With the chaos that is her home life, which has no say or control over, Octavia has since buried the more joyful part of herself so that she can better cope with the situation at hand.))

Caim - Control was something Caim had struggled with in her youth; she did not like the many rules, customs and manners of the goetia, nor did she have the patience to sit and study. It wasn't until she started training in swordsmanship under both her uncle and a tutor her father hired that Caim began to gain control over herself and submit herself to youkai society.

With regard to Goetian society, she would toe the line but not fully submit to it like she did her mother's culture, and that would come back to bite her later. While she has since mastered self control, she takes issue with being under the control of others that stemmed from her time spend among the goetia in her youth.

Yui - Control is not something she bothers with, or fusses about. Due to her long life, she knows that there are many things outside one's control, and there was no point in trying to manipulate every aspect of one's life. The only thing that can be controlled is one's thoughts and actions; the rest is left up to fate. As a result Yui has come to master self control like her wife, but she is more of a free spirit than Caim and lives her life accordingly. She has no use for rigid rules, hierarchy (even though Japanese and youkai society require conformity and have some sort of hierarchical structure) or anything that limits her freedom to do as she pleases.

((Dawn's whole life has been one of towing the line and doing what was expected of her, leading her to feel as if she had no say in, or control of her own life. While her status among the goetia meant she got to live in comfort, she lacks the freedom of the lower classes. Those far below her station got to make choices and live how they pleased within the means provided to them; they didn't have to obey the rules of hell's nobility and remain sub servant to them.

Maybe one day she'll be able to control her own life and destiny.))

[doortotomorrow]

octavia fight scenes : blood must have blood ii

[vizowrites]

“We” vs “Me”| or “Why BlitzStrike Works So Well For Me But Stolitz [as of episode 6].....Doesn’t”

Alright my Loves, so I said that I was going to talk in further detail about my feelings regarding Stolas and the multi-layered portrayal of his relationship with Blitz in the new episode, and today’s the day where that happens!!  First of all, though, before I really get into my feelings about things, I want to just make it ABUNDANTLY clear that I’m not trying to sway anyone from one side to the other, or trying to shame anyone for shipping two fictional characters.  I’m fully in the boat that you are completely entitled to ship whoever you want, but I also think it’s wise to at least be able to recognize the faults and flaws in a pairing--and especially to be able to recognize them in the context of an IRL relationship.  In this analysis in particular, I’m specifically focusing on these two relationships within the realm of the Helluva Boss universe [......Hell] and within the specific context of their characters as they’ve been portrayed in the show thus far.  And, my biggest disclaimer of all: I’m doing this for no other reason than I felt like putting my jumbled thoughts together into a cohesive post so that they don’t have to stay bouncing and buzzing around in my head.  Please keep that in mind that this is just pure personal opinion and interpretation before anyone comes at me with torches and pitchforks.  <3 <3 

SO WITH THAT LONG ASS DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY 

Let’s finally get to the good stuff.  And the not so good stuff.  :D

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who follows me here that I’m a huge BlitzStrike fan.  What I think fewer people know is that when I first entered the fandom a few months ago, I actually was on board the Stolitz train like so many others that I’ve met here in the fandom.  Naturally Stolitz was the first major pairing I was introduced to, and I did find both the characters of Blitz and Stolas incredibly interesting and compelling in their own rights AND saw the potential in how they could really come to grow into one hell of a relationshp over time.  I was honestly really excited to see it happen, too.  

And then I watched Episode 5 [still my favorite episode, btw] for the first time and had this sudden question hit me like a truck that even now is still relentlessly burning in the back of my mind because I still haven’t found a legitimate answer for it: Why in the FUCK wasn’t Blitz falling head-over-heels in attraction to Striker throughout this fucking episode??

And I don’t mean that in a “They’re so hot and I ship them now why didn’t they get together?? DX DX” kind of way--I mean that in the genuinely perplexed “I don’t understand based on what has been presented to me thus far about Blitz as a character and the storyline overall why he’s reacting so nonchalantly to this whole thing”.  To Note: This is me wondering this from the context of what’s in the show itself, not from any extra fan materials like the Instas or Twitter or just straight up knowing that the most likely answer is that there are people on the creative team that ship Stolitz really hard and realistically wouldn’t have probably written Blitz as being attracted to Striker because that would just be--to quote Jack Sparrow--blowing holes in their own ship.  No, this is me disregarding ALL of that and trying to rationalize this with myself from the perspective of a fan whose entire knowledge of the show and its characters comes exclusively from what’s in the episodes themselves.  .....And that’s where I just can’t find my answer, except for the Stolitz positive “He’s not attracted to Striker because he’s in love with Stolas” answer.  Which really doesn’t even feel like a satisfying answer, because the entire vibe I’ve gotten from Stolitz in the show has just felt.....strangely.....off.  Like, the framework is there and the elements are there, but I’d felt as though they had so far to go still that it would be entire SEASONS before they got there.    

And THEN the new episode [Episode 6] came out and I’d heard a handful of fans going crazy because the show was finally addressing Stolitz in full, and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe if the show really is going to go with saying that the reason Blitz wasn’t interested in Striker is because he’s in love with Stolas.....sure.  I’m curious to see how they finally establish it in an episode, especially since there’s only two more episodes left in the entire first season.”  And then I watched the episode.  And then it hit me why Stolitz just does not do a damn thing for me but BlitzStrike does despite the fact that we’ve had 4/6 episodes [5/7 if you count the Pilot] of Stolitz but only 1/6 [1/7] of potential--not even canonical--BlitzStrike:

When Striker talks about Blitz, or interacts with Blitz, he always talks about them as a “we”.  As a team.  A partnership.  OR he just straight up puts the entire focus on Blitz and his accomplishments and keeps himself out of it entirely.

When Stolas talks about Blitz, he always talks about them within the context of “me”--of himself--of what Blitz does or should do for him.  Even here in episode 6, in the most “selfless” instance we’ve seen yet, where he does ask about Blitz’s safety first BEFORE going right back into how Blitz’s actions affect him and what Blitz should be doing in response for him.  Stolas’s focus is always automatically set to himself--and even when it comes to the people he supposedly loves the most.  

To explain what I mean here, let me give some examples directly from the show itself, starting with the Stolas side of things: 

Episode 1

Blitz, in the middle of trying to hide so much that he actually clamps both of his hands over his mouth just to muffle the sound of his own breathing, knowing damn well that this psychotic bitch who already shot him once won’t hesitate to do it again if she finds him.....gets a call from Stolas.  Stolas, who we clearly see from his leisurely hang out time in his bubble bath, is literally watching this happen and is fully aware that calling Blitz right then was potentially putting him in danger. But what does he say when he gets Blitz on the phone?  He offers--not help--but Blitz the use of his book in exchange for monthly sex.  Stolas literally uses Blitz’s peril as leverage here--consciously or not, though given the fact that he knows the situation at hand, I’d find it very hard to argue that he didn’t do this on purpose--just to get him to agree to be his bootycall until further notice.  

Stolas not only doesn’t lift a finger to help Blitz once in all of this--even at the moment where he and Millie are about to be shot in the face--but instead continues to stay on the phone talking about all of the things he wants for their upcoming future rendezvous.  He already got exactly what he wanted out of this and he still just continues to go for more for himself.

Episode 2

.....There are honestly so many fucked up things that happen here as far as Stolas and his relationship with Blitz goes but honestly the thing I want to draw the MOST attention to is actually Stolas’s storyline with his daughter, Octavia.  I know it’s a little left field, but bear with me--this is actually something I want to use as comparison for Stolas’s relationship to Blitz as we go along:

When Stolas first decides that he’s going to take his daughter to Loo Loo Land, he does so while completey setting aside the fact that she doesn’t want to go.  He just offers her assurances that it’s going to be so much fun because he remembers that she loved it so much when she was a little girl--effectively putting his memory above her wishes even as she’s sitting right there and telling him that she doesn’t enjoy the idea of going now.  

Stolas doesn’t actually notice just how uncomfortable he’s making Octavia throuhought their entire trip by spending his time sexually harassing paying more attention to Blitz than he is trying to cheer her up.  This tells me that Stolas--though I do believe he genuinely wanted to do something to make her happy--still wasn’t able to completely overcome his own self-centered tendencies at first even when it’s for her.  And this is the person that Stolas loves more than anyone or anything else in the entire world. It still wasn’t enough.

It’s only when Octavia runs off and completely breaks down that Stolas finally gets the much needed slap-to-the-face of reality to understand just what he’s putting his daughter through--and, for the first time in the entire show, he actually puts someone else’s needs and well being above himself.  It’s the one solid honest display of love that we see from Stolas in the entire show--and it’s how we as the audience come to learn that that’s how Stolas shows that he loves someone: When he puts their needs above his own with no strings attached or expectations of something in return.  A true selfless act just because he loves them.  **Keep in mind the parallel of Stolas carrying Octavia out of Loo Loo Land at the end, and how it compares to Stolas carrying Blitz out of D.H.O.R.K.S headquarters.

Episode 5

The. Fucking. Cigarette.  I had no idea that something so small and quick would be able to infuriate me as much as it did, but the fact that Blitz used the post sex cigarette to free Stolas from his wrist bondage but then Stolas turned around and put the cigarette out on Blitz’s horn which is literally a part of Blitz’s body just.....honestly it sums up exactly what I’m trying to get across in this entire huge ass post: Stolas only ever thinks of himself first and anything pertaining to anyone else just doesn’t cross his mind at all unless you blatantly put it there in front of his face.  And the fact that he’s still at this point with Blitz all the way here in Episode 5 is not.....promising for their relationship.

The fact that Stolas literally cannot stop himself from calling Blitz “Blitzy” or talking to him in such a condescending way no matter how frustrated Blitz gets and how many times he asks him to stop.  I just--how is that supposed to be interpreted as someone talking to a person that they love?  There’s no respect or dignity given to Blitz at all on Stolas’s part, and the fact that it seems to be presented as a “Oh teehee it’s just their cute couple thing” is just.....I really, really don’t like that.  It also doesn’t match with the Stolas in the very next episode which I quite frankly think is because the creators have been listening to the feedback from fans and were like “We need to SHOW THEM that Stolas actually does speak to Blitz respectfully!!” but that’s just my personal opinion there and, also, it still didn’t happen.  

Episode 6 

Keeping in mind that THIS is finally the episode where we see Stolas actually save Blitz from danger and demonstrate even the slightest inclination towards his well-being.....I think that honestly makes the next few things here even more fucked up

First and foremost: “WE”.  The second after Stolas asks if Blitz is alright and gets the assurance that he is, he roughly grabs his cheek and points out that “If you get in trouble, I get in trouble!  WE don’t want that”.  The fact that this is the first time that Stolas ever talks about Blitz in the context of “we”--when really what he’s really saying is that him [Stolas] getting in trouble is going to be a bad thing for all of them--is just.....so, so disappointing.  At least with this I could hope that perhaps the idea here is that Stolas is genuinely afraid that if he gets in trouble, he won’t be able to protect Blitz from the undoubtedly much worse trouble that he would be in as an imp, but still.  The fact that Stolas immediately reverts back to his self-centered perspective so quickly after supposedly being so worried about Blitz’s wellbeing, really makes it seem as though it’s just his own ass that he’s trying to protect.  And that.....isn’t  exactly what I’d been expecting from “the episode that confirms Stolitz is canon” feedback I’d been hearing.

"Am I going to get ANY thank you for the rescue Bltizy?”  This for me was kind of what actually lead to me having this whole epiphany over Stolas’s selfish perspective in the first place.  I realized that even here--even when he’s just been the most “romantic” towards Blitz that he’s ever been in any previous episodes up until now [and yes this shift in his character was incredibly jarring for me because of that]--Stolas still goes right back to thinking about what he’s going to get out of this now that he knows Blitz is safe.  Let’s take this back to that thing I was saying about Episode 2 and comparing how Stolas rescued Octavia and how he rescues Blitz.  Obviously they’re going to be different because it’s Stolas’s daughter vs his hook up BUT just think about where the focus is for Stolas in both of these scenes.  With Octavia, Stolas is entirely focused on making things up to her--taking her to do something she wants to do--even if it’s something that he himself doesn’t fully understand or isn’t fully into.  That doesn’t matter though, because the entire point is that he’s doing something just for her.  It doesn’t have to be about him.  But now go back to the scene where Stolas is carrying Blitz out of the room.  What does he do?  Ask what Blitz is going to do for him.  That just takes the idea that this scene was a confirmation of their love and throws it right out the window.  Stolas--as we’ve been shown before--would never ask for something in return from someone that he actually loves.  

Now let’s take a look at the one and only episode we have of Striker and Blitz interacting together, with an honorary shout out at hallucination!Striker’s appearance in Episode 6: 

Episode 5: 

Striker knows Blitz’s name.....and he uses it.  He’s literally the ONLY other character that we’ve seen so far refer to Blitz as “Blitz” instead of “Blitzo” or “Blitzy” by someone who wasn’t a member of I.M.P..  Aka someone who wasn’t a member of Blitz’s family.  He shows Blitz respect at that basest level, and only builds on that from there going forward.

Striker first recognizes Blitz for being “the bold imp that started his own killin’ biz”.  Not his hotness, not his skills in the Harvest Moon games because at that point he hasn’t seen them yet.....but for his accomplishment in starting up his own successful business down in Hell.  He treats it as an accomplishment.  With the kind of respect that comes with acknowledging another person for their accomplishments.  Right there, within two seconds of meeting him, Striker demonstrates more respect for Blitz than Stolas has yet to do in the entire show.

The Harvest Moon Festival Games.  Now this is something I find fascinating to think about from Striker’s perspective in particular.  We as the audience are shown pretty early on that Striker has a strong desire to be the one who comes out on top.  He likes the idea of being superior and he openly relishes in the praise and attention he gets for being better than everybody else.  ....Except Blitz.  When they tie in the games, Striker doesn’t seem bothered with sharing the spotlight with him at all.  If anything, he--again--respects just how skilled Blitz is in rightfully earning his place beside him on the stage.  That, to me, is HUGE.  I’m not going to go so far as to say that Striker necessarily sees them as equals because I think that might be going a bit too far for his ego but he does still fully acknowledge that Blitz is in the same general class as him: that is to say, better than most.  Worthy of the same kind of acknowledgement and praise that Striker gets.  I literally can’t get over just how big of a thing that is for what we’ve been shown of Striker’s character, and I think it’s unfortunately something that’s incredibly easy to miss or gloss over. :(

And now--for what I personally think is the most significant thing of all--we have: “We”.  How many times does Striker suggest during that final scene between them that he really wants Blitz to join forces with him as equals?  He never demands that Blitz join up with him, he doesn’t threaten him into joining up with him--Striker barely even hurts Blitz at all during their fight scene compared to how he tried to straight up murder Moxxie--and, most of all, Striker continues to acknowledge that Blitz deserves better than his current arrangement with Stolas.  And he’s right.  But instead of putting it as “I’M right and this is why you should do this”, he always puts his focus on Blitz himself, or the two of them together as a partnership:  “You are so above sucking on a a digusting rich pompous Goetia” | “We could be the most dangerous beings in Hell, Blitz” | “You could partner up with me and klll the unkillable--starting with the one that treats you like a plaything”.  It’s just--I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to put together why Striker appeals so much more to me as a romantic interest for Blitz, but really breaking it down episode by episode and comparing the differences in wording between Striker and Stolas’s dialogue when it comes to Blitz is just.....holy shit. 

Honorary ShoutOut of Episode 6: 

The fact that the only thing hallucination Striker has to say to him is “But you don’t want to do things alone Blitzo!” is really, really interesting to me in the fact that he’s.....not......wrong??  Like, To be fair, Striker, RoboFizz, and Verosika all spill their harsh truths, but the thing is.....Striker’s is markedly different in that his wording really isn’t harsh or aggressive at all the way the other two are.  He’s just kinda stating a fact in an overexaggerated way because tripping balls hallucination sequence.  It’s very interesting to me that that’s the worst that Blitz can imagine him to say--as well as the fact that halluci!Striker calls him “Blitzo”, which is really weird considering that Striker’s never called him “Blitzo” once in the entire show.  Makes me kinda wonder where that came from tbh. 

Alright so, in conclusion of this very long and rambly styie post: I want to take things back to where I started by reiterating that this is not me trying to convince anyone that BlitzStrike is “right” and Stolitz is “wrong”, or that you should stop shipping what you’re shipping in the fandom.  This was just me honestly getting way more excited than I should’ve been over having my “Eureka!” moment for realizing why this new episode didn’t put me back on the Stolitz train like it did for so many other people--and why, in fact, it actually made me think even more favorably of the idea of Blitz and Striker being together.  

Thanks for sticking around with me for this very long read, I hope you found it interesting, and I really really hope that it didn’t piss anyone off or rub too many people the wrong way.  Like I said at the beginning, ship who you want to ship!!  That’s part of the fun of being in a fandom.  I’m just hoping that this might help make it easier to understand at least one perspective on why Stolitz is seen as being so problematic as a ship [as of where they are right now].  

Here’s to seeing where things go from here!! 

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S01E11 - Promise

I'm trying to think if there have been any big promises made so far but I can't remember any. A new promise then! Considering how it ended it could be Glimmer promising something to Angella (or the other way around,) or Catra and Adora maybe promising something after whatever needs to happen in the Beacon happens. I don't know so let's do this!

The post-post-apocalyptic backdrop of the show really intrigues me. This scene wouldn't be out of place in any of those stories, the primitive character asking something beyond their understanding in ways that we, as the viewer, know it's not how it works. I'm still wondering if the magic they all use it's just some sort of future tech.

That's... a pretty complex question to make to an AI assistant, ask anyone who has used Siri.

Yeah.

I wonder if it's because it requires a specific sentence structure or if Adora needs to be She-Ra.

Imagine having to transform into She-Ra every time you log into your bank's website. The ultimate form of 2-step auth.

Ooh, lore. So that's why the Sword (or She-Ra) doesn't need to be recharged, it's its own source of energy, just like the other rune stones I assume.

oh my god her face

pictured: me yelling at Alexa to do something for the fifth time

That seems weirdly less robotic. Was this recorded after the original programming?

Noooot a big fan of what this framing implies. Does She-Ra need to let go of her past as Adora, including her friendship with Catra?

I love that even though they are "enemies" Catra's first reaction is to go "I know you didn't mean to hurt me so wtf!"

Their relationship is such a tragedy. They know each other so well that they instantly start working together almost by instinct, years of friendship and training coming to the fore. It's only when they start thinking that it all goes to crap.

We know Adora's reasons to leave the Horde, what's Catra's reason to stay? Is it only because she feels betrayed by Adora and is digging her heels? Or maybe she doesn't want to abandon the one place she's known all her life? She may have a pretty bad relationship with Shadow Weaver but she's still the one who seems to have raised her. I think I asked the same questions a couple of episodes ago but I can't help it, Catra's motives are still a mystery!

The change to a shield makes slightly more sense now that I know the sword's name.

Can't wait for four seasons of this.

Her complete nonchalance is so good

This is like saying goodbye to someone and then finding out you're going the same way.

Did Adora always have the ability to read the language of the First Ones but never got the chance to do it (because they apparently are controlling info about the FO in the horde and maybe she never went out of the fright zone) or was it something the Sword infused into her?

Funko Pop Adora.

For as much as Catra complains to Adora about going somewhere else, she didn't even try to respond to Adora's "attack" even though it was a bit of a surprise.

OH MY GOD I'M NOT READY FOR THIS LOOK AT THAT CUTIE

Please tell me the "promise" is not something they promised when they were kids, especially something about taking care of each other. My heart is not ready for that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THEY ARE SO CUTE

...is Octavia the fish woman from last episode with an _eye patch_? Damn, Catra.

oh my god Adora, you just can't tell other people they are dumb faces

Hopefully, it's not about "letting go of your attachments~" and more about letting go of the guilt she's carrying around.

I like that they are addressing this and actually talking about it. Or at least Adora is trying to.

And that's why. Catra may be on the opposite side of the war, angry at being betrayed and probably really confused about everything but she still can't bring herself to give up on Adora and their history together.

These two are too damn cute.

Wow, her defenses got up pretty early. She's already deflecting. Was it all because Adora got better treatment?

Oof. Already lying to herself and Adora to protect her pride.

"Displays of physical weakness are discouraged in the Horde"

I doubt emotional "weakness" fares much better, especially with Shadow Weaver as their guardian. When did she stop showing her vulnerability to Adora? How long has their relationship been based on only what Catra decides is safe to display?

Oh. Did whatever happened in there start Catra on her path?

Yeah. That'd do it. Well, that and the multiple other times Shadow Weaver has probably abused her over the years. Being told you're disposable and useless? Being always compared unfavorably to a sibling? It's a miracle Catra still likes Adora.

How do you _not_ resent the favored sibling? They were just kids and there was nothing Adora could have done but this resentment born from trauma doesn't need to be rational.

This is the cutest saddest hiss ever.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa the promise was exactly what I thought it was going to be and it's just as sad as I expected

This feels important, in a "what would you tell your 7-year old self?" way. Would you feel proud of what you've become? Of your decisions? Or would you try to steer them away from your current self?

That music and expression don't give me much hope that the result of her introspection was good.

With these situations, there's always the question if the character is telling the truth or if they are just lying to protect themselves. For maximum drama it can be both, telling the truth but not all of it. I may be wrong but I think Catra is doing that. She believes everything she's saying but that doesn't negate everything else she feels about Catra. She's letting Adora go because anything else would continue to hurt her.

And here's the reminder that Adora also needs to let go. Good thing that Catra made it so easy, huh? Hm.

Can't wait for Scorpia's feelings to get hurt because of her believing that. And by "can't wait" I mean "please don't let it happen, my heart can't take more of this"

Oof, direct hit to her heart. This show seems to like doing this kind of thing, huh? First with Adora saying "I'd never leave my friends behind" and now this.

---

Well, that was heavy.

Catra continues to be the most interesting character of the show, with her resentment, her constant deflection, raised defenses and her actions ringing very true to the trauma she's suffered. The way she exploded at Adora feels like the first step to healing since she finally was able to tell her how she really felt about a lot of things but I'm guessing there'll be a lot more drama before they can actually heal their relationship.

Did she really intend to kill Adora o was she simply playing her part as a villain to stop the security system from attacking Adora? Would Catra even be able to answer that question?

About everything else:

* Tiny Catra and Adora were custom-made to make me squeal at their cuteness and break my heart at the same time.

* Why does Shadow Weaver need the powers from her Black Garnet(?) to survive? What happened to her to leave her like that? Did it happen before or after leaving Mystacor? Did it happen when she found Adora? Or maybe Catra? That could explain how she treats her.

* Is Adora going to discover her "destiny" next episode? Her past? Her vision explained?

* One of the reasons why I didn't really think about Catra/Adora as a couple that could get shipped until Princess Prom is that from their first appearance they've always felt more like siblings and this episode didn't really help to dispel that notion. Of course, their relationship is a lot more complicated than just that.

* Scorpia seems to really like Catra and I fear it'll end up hurting her when Catra is unable to lower down her defenses to let her in. Hopefully, it'll go the other way and Catra will be able to trust her at least as a friend. At least she seems to be getting along well with Entrapta.

I think that's all for now, until next time!

[freedom-of-writing]

You’re all I want, all I need

Chapter 1 - I’m ready now

Chapter 2 - The 13th clan

Chapter 3 - Soulmates

Chapter 4 - Your enemy is our enemy

It's sunset by the time everything is ready for the summit. Lexa's throne room has been set up to host the ceremony with a long red carpet the goes from the doors to the steps at the feet of her throne. It fits quite perfectly, Clarke thinks, that the Commander of Death has to walk her way towards the Commander of Blood on a crimson rug.

Everyone else is already inside, standing by one side of the red carpet and waiting for Clarke to make her entrance. Or better, they’re all waiting for Wanheda. That's who she’ll have to be, at least for tonight. The broken former Sky leader will have to wait outside those doors. Thankfully, the handmaids Lexa sent to help her get ready did an amazing job in making her look like the powerful woman everybody is expecting to see. She is dressed in a gown with a high side vent that leaves her legs visible, the top is covered by a golden leather corset which all but sets off her cleavage. Then there's her hair, held away from her face and arranged in a series of intricate braids, reflecting the grounders' traditional hairstyle. Two stripes of war paint go from each one of her eyes to her hairline. Everything about her makes her appear like a powerful grounder commander.

"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" And will you take a life with me?

"Medo ste thonken, medo drein au." A body's hollow, a body bleeds.

Clarke hears the beautiful voice of the singer starting to sing as the guards open the doors to let her into the room. She takes a moment to look at the people in the room, everyone’s staring at her expectantly. Taking a deep breath, Clarke holds her head up high, as she's seen Lexa do many times before, and she walks in.

"Oso kik raun ogeda, soulou." We live as one, we live alone.

"Ai laik yu gona." I am your soldier.

"Ai na get raun, you." I will atone.

Clarke’s breath gets caught as soon as her eyes land on Lexa’s form, standing tall in front of her. They didn't have the chance to see each other before the beginning of the summit, so they're both mesmerized by sight of the other. They don't let it show, of course. Nonetheless, if you paid close attention, you could totally tell they are staring languidly at one another as their eyes study single detail of the other's dress, hair and make-up. Lexa looks as ruthless as she does while wearing her armor, but all Clarke can think of is that this is the first time she's ever seen her in a gown, and she is stunning. Lexa is wearing a long black and crimson dress that leaves her arms and her cleavage on display. Her hair is held back in her usual braids, but her war paint is simpler than the one she wears for battle. Like Clarke's, it shapes into two stripes that go from her eyes to her hairline. As she walks, Clarke can't help but notice Lexa has a tattoo on her upper right arm. She wonders what’s the story behind it, but that of course is something that will have to wait for later. Right now, she needs to focus on keeping her back straight, and on walking without tripping on her own feet, so that the mighty Wanheda won't make a complete fool of herself in front of all these people.

"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" And will you take a life with me?

"Ai keryon gyon op, ai keryon g' breik au." My soul moves on, my soul is freed.

Clarke comes to a stop in front of Lexa, as the voice in the background sings these words. They stare deeply in each other's eyes, and for a moment it feels like it’s just the two of them in the room. Their eyes shine with a newfound resolution, and it seems like they're saying that yes, they will take a life with the other. The words of the song reflect perfectly what Clarke feels right now. Thanks to Lexa her soul is able to move on from all the horror and loss she's experienced in her life, and now it’s finally free. Free to love the woman standing in front of her with all of her heart, and free to take a life with her.

"Pas skaikrasha, klin tristraka," After the storm, a lightning flash,

"En houd don gon hosh trashsaka." With all the world reduced to ash.

Clarke is lost in her thoughts, until the singer moves on to the next verse of the song. Brought out of her reverie, she remembers that it’s now time for her to bow to Lexa. Before anyone can notice the way the two commanders are staring at each other, she bows her head, and very slowly, she moves to kneel down on one knee. Staring at the floor as sign of respect and submission, Clarke cannot see the look on Lexa's face. She doesn’t notice the way her eyes sparkle with unshed tears, or the way her mouth opens slightly in awe. Thankfully, years of training in hiding her emotions help Lexa keep it together in front of her warriors. No one notices the way her eyes water up as Lexa’s mind darts off to that damned day when she had to leave Clarke behind in order to save her people. She remembers how bad she felt when she set foot back into camp that night, praying to whatever god that’s up there that Clarke was still alive. She wouldn’t dare to hope that Clarke might forgive her after her betrayal, but as long as she was okay, it didn’t matter if the woman hated her for the rest of her life. Thank God, Clarke did make it out of it alive. But only for the Ice Queen to go and threaten her life to win over Wanheda’s power. Lexa can’t believe she’s almost lost yet another person she loves at the hands of Queen Nia. But Clarke is here now. She's safe here in Polis by her side. Not only did she manage to protect her from Azgeda, but she also got Clarke to forgive her, and even more, to love her.

"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" And will you take a life with me?

"Houd na fleim daun, bed' ge jok au." This world will burn, save what you need.

Lexa keeps her eyes fixed on Clarke’s figure until everyone else in the room falls on their knees before her. The first one to follow in on Clarke’s action is Prince Roan of Azgeda, to Lexa’s great surprise. The last ones, instead, are Marcus and Abby, which doesn’t surprise her at all. With that, Lexa takes a deep breath to regain her composure. She cannot let her voice waver as she addresses the people bowing to her. She’s their leader, and leaders cannot be weak. Emotion is weakness. She can hear Titus’s voice reaping it to her over and over again. Lexa moves her eyes quickly around the room, before tilting her head to her right to look at the singer, waiting for her to finish the song.

"Ai nou fir raun," I am fearless,

"Ai mana jomp in," I am to fight,

"Ai mana wan open," I am to die,

"Ai don sin y'in." You're in my sight.

"Yumi na teik won sonraun au?" And will you take a life with me?

"Jus drein jus draun," Blood must have blood,

"Ai medo drein au." My body bleeds.

When the song is over, Lexa brings her gaze back on the people knelt in front of her. And with her head held high, she finally greets them: "Hail, warriors of the 12 clans."

"Hail, Commander of Blood." The assembly replies in chorus.

"Rise." Lexa waits for everyone to be back on their feet, and for Clarke to walk to her mother's side before continuing. "We welcome Skaikru to our halls, in spirit of friendship and harmony. And we welcome Klark kom Skaikru, legendary Wanheda, Mountain Slayer. The reason for the summit has changed. We are not here to negotiate a treaty with the Skaikru, but rather to initiate them into the Coalition."

Loud murmurs fill the room as soon as the warriors assimilate what she just said. But their voices are soon cut off by Lexa's clear voice.

"To symbolize this union the leader of Skaikru must bear our mark." She looks down at Kane and Abby, expecting the choice to rest on either one of them, as Clarke had told her. She stares at them attentively, as they look at each other. Finally, Abby leans in to say something to Marcus. Lexa can't quite make out what is said from where she's standing, but their gestures are enough to let her know ù he is going to be the one to bear the coalition mark.

"Present your arm." She orders after nodding to him.

Right as the white-hot metal mark is pressed on his forearm, the doors burst open, and three people break into the room. Lexa recognizes two of them as Octavia kom Skaikru and her brother Bellamy, who is holding one of her guards at gun point. She has no idea who the other man is, but she reasons he must be one of Clarke's people as well. Having no clue of what’s happening, Lexa looks at Clarke worriedly. But her worry only increases since Clarke looks just as surprised as her to see her friends standing there by the doors. The first one to recover from the shock of the irruption is Titus. The bald man gives them looks at them threateningly as he demands an explanation as to what is going on. Bellamy’s voice is just as harsh as he answers, claiming the summit to be a trap.

“We have to get you out here.” He says, motioning for Clarke to follow them out.

The summit's a trap? No, it can't be right. Lexa promised. She… she promised she wouldn’t betray her again. There's no way this is a trap. Right? Clarke is more confused than ever as she turns to look at Lexa. She wants to trust her with all her heart, and she does. But there’s still a part of her that wonders if she really can trust her. So she asks, just to be sure.

"What the hell is going on?!"

"I don't know."

Lexa doesn't know? Oh, thank God! She has nothing to do with this. Clarke lets out a breath of relief, although she’s not sure whether that should make her feel better or worse. Considering no one knows what’s going on, and she’s never seen Lexa being so alarmed before.

"It's the Ice Nation." Bellamy explains. As if that meant anything at all.

"They're only trying to deceive you, Heda. Azgeda has nothing to do with what's happening. Skaikru is clearly the one behind all of this." An Ice warrior attempts a lame defense, but he’s soon silenced by the rise of Lexa’s hand. Her gaze is penetrating Bellamy's skull as she asks where they've come by that information. The three companions start looking around the room as if searching for the person who has all the answers.

"Where the hell is Echo?" Octavia hisses towards her brother.

"What's going on?" Kane interjects, but the only answer he gets is another question from Bellamy.

"Where the hell is she?"

"Bellamy, we were wrong about this."

"I don't understand..."

Seeing as the situation is only getting more and more confusing by the second, Kane orders his people to lower their weapons, in the hope of finding a solution which doesn’t include the use of violence.

"Bellamy? Bellamy, come in." A voice cracks from the radio attached to his belt. It’s Raven. "The grounders attacked Mount Weather." Her broken words leave everyone in shock.

Bellamy takes the radio in his hand quickly, before asking for a further explanation. "What are you talking about?"

"It's gone. They're all gone. Sinclair and I are the only ones left." Raven takes a moment before starting to whisper broken apologies into the radio. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You should've never moved your people back into Mount Weather." Everyone’s startled by the voice of the Ice warrior who had just spoken moments before. "The Ice Nation did what Lexa was too weak to do!"

"This is an act of war!" Lexa hisses towards the man, and her voice is so cold and threatening that it terrifies even Clarke. "Sentries, arrest the Ice Nation delegation! Including the prince." She shouts at the two guards standing at her side, and they immediately execute their orders.

"We need to go home. If they attacked Mount Weather, Arkadia could be next." Abby says, to which Kane agrees immediately.

"Go. I'll raise an army from the Coalition to help you defend Arkadia. Your enemy is our enemy now. We'll face this threat together."

"Mochof, Heda." A small smile appears on Lexa's face when she hears Marcus thanking her in Trigedasleng.

"Are you coming?" Abby asks Clarke, to which she answers without hesitation.

"They need an ambassador from our clan to stay here in Polis."

"Clarke, it's not safe for you here?" Funny how it took Bellamy three months to fight for her to come back home. The problem is, Arkadia’s not her home anymore. She belongs here with Lexa.

"I'll be safe here under Lexa's protection."

"Please tell me you didn't forgive her. She left us to die at Mount Weather not more than three months ago! Or did you forget?!"

"I'm sorry, Bellamy. But my home's here now." Clarke says the last part looking straight at Lexa.

With that, Bellamy gives up and turns around to make his way out, with the others following right after. All but Abby, who goes to hug Clarke goodbye before leaving.

"Be safe."

"You too."

Chapter 5 - Costia

[otp-armada]

I am not looking forward to these flashbacks. 

To date, we’ve had four onscreen kisses shared between Bellamy and Echo with additional, smaller moments of other forms of intimacy. I’d rather the show refrain from adding more tally marks to the count. 

If humans were gifted with the capacity for purging unwanted memories, then all this discomfort would be a moot point. I suppose there’s always alcohol as a fallback option, but not even the prospect of temporary amnesia is worth destroying my liver. Turning to alcohol to drown my B/E-related sorrows would probably qualify more as self-harm than self-help.

I’d much prefer to cut directly to an imminent breakup scene without the pomp and circumstance of an agonized Echo’s trip down memory lane. 

If anything, supplying us with visual evidence on how happy they were together is an even sadder remark on the state of B/E’s fragility, knowing it took 0.001 seconds for the mere mention of Clarke’s name to bring it all to ruin. No collection of past happy moments shared on the Ring erases the fractures in their relationship that occur between them afterward, originating with the revelation of a still-living Clarke. I'd be an absolute fool to believe otherwise. 

But if Jason deems a tour of their greatest hits as necessary to the story, I trust his judgment. Showing us B/E's origins as their romantic relationship begins to fall apart in real-time brings it full circle, and it lends gravitas to the story he's telling with Echo. With this particular arc, the bigger picture is still Echo's evolution. It's not about B/E.  

Once season 7 started, there was a visible shift in how Jason utilized B/E.  Whereas seasons 5 and 6 primarily used B/E as the third leg in a love triangle designed to keep a pining Bellarke apart, season 7 uses their master-spy dynamic to bolster Echo's development almost exclusively. Post-season 6, Bellarke is so primed to get together, one honest admission of mutual feelings without Echo as an obstacle and BOOM. Canon couple. 

Echo has a more extensive role than girl-to-be-dumped, and I'm not upset over it. She gets to stand up as a character after the majority of her life has been marked by slavery for her crown, and I'm not upset over it. As indemnification for the loss of her relationship, this orphan-turned-soldier is finding her place in a supportive, loving family while developing a sense of identity and independence, and I'm not upset over it.

I would’ve preferred Jason found a way to take her on this path without B/E remaining intact this far into the final season and theoretically for the foreseeable episodes. I would always choose to end them sooner rather than later, given a choice. But I understand why Jason didn't. 

Echo can’t very well outgrow a master-spy complex if there is no master to her spy. And as much as I hate it, the romantic aspect of B/E is a believable, convenient tool to keep this complex in place until her story comes to fruition. Would Echo act so extremely in service to a recent ex-boyfriend who left her for another woman? Probably not. As far as I can tell, the pinnacle of her arc is the moment she realizes she has to break free from Bellamy. So narrative structure demands B/E stay together, however technically, long enough for her to break those chains. 

I was initially excited about the flashbacks, if only because I took them as a sign of an impending breakup. But the timing doesn't pan out. Aside from the logistics of Echo and Bellamy presumably on separate worlds, and with her thinking him dead, we've only just reached the point where Echo might start to ask herself those hard questions she's been avoiding. She must have noticed a change in her relationship. Between Psychosis!Emori, B/E's 6x04 fight, and Anomaly!Roan, she's had enough cause for doubt. But I think she's suppressed any urge to reflect upon it for a number of reasons. Love. Continued hope they'll last. War. A mission to save him. It took a lot of meticulous maneuvering to corner Echo to this point. Now that we're here, I don't think Jason would pull a reverse Uno card in a 40-minute episode. It seems more likely that he will let her continue to stew in her emotions. Either she'll keep sinking until she hits rock bottom, or she'll start learning how to swim. 

Jason could always prove me wrong. And if I am, I'd never be happier for him to do so. If I'm not? It's at times like this when I am reminded of the resolution I made at the end of season 6- rest easy in the comfort of knowing B/E will meet its inevitable end but do not try to speculate when that might be. Attempting to discern the specifics of "when" brings one only misery. 

Jason’s signature sometimes-too-fast, other-times-too-slow pacing, is often liable to tempt one into ripping their own hair out. That being said, I’ve seen enough of this show to trust in his ability to tell a damn good story. Faith in his competency for the craft just requires on our part, the patience of a saint. 

If nothing else, it isn’t my story to tell, so I’ll just have to suck it up and find a way to deal with any disappointments I may feel. Or I can try to find the value within the story told. It's a better alternative than to be left bitter. No promises, though.

Maybe Echo’s actions against the Disciples aren’t reprehensible, considering the people she’s killing are those complicit in kidnapping and torturing her people. But Orlando was a good, honorable man whose naïveté convinced him to play for the wrong team, yet helped our heroes when he didn’t have to. Not unlike Shaw, whom Echo sold to Diyoza to fulfill her mission. But I assume “We are not his people” is residual mistrust leftover from Ryker’s betrayal of her. She miscalculated the feelings of one possible defector before, she won’t make the same mistake twice. 

If she was able to save Bellamy in the end, I’m sure she’d be able to justify the spilled blood it took to get there. But Orlando suffered at her hands for nothing, and she may not be overly concerned with morality, but she cares for the people she grows close to. Unless the episode proves otherwise, I’d like to think Orlando’s fate will weigh heavily on her. 

They may not have been close. But five years in close quarters with only a few people akin to friends for comfort, it'd be hard not to feel the slightest bit attached.

Those of us who believe in Bellarke know Echo is the third-party obstacle in a love triangle. But what is far more interesting is the role she played in the seasons-long Blake siblings struggle. 

Echo was persona non grata to both siblings following her and Octavia's mountaintop fight. Six years later, she highlights the difference in the siblings' maturities. Whereas Bellamy has learned to embrace empathy and forgiveness with open arms, Octavia is cold and unyielding. On a more personal note, B/E represents Octavia's persistent unwillingness to respect Bellamy as his own person, with needs and wants independent of her. 

After her soul searching on Skyring, I thought she had buried the hatchet, as per her lack of vitriol in her 6x12 conversation with Bellamy, and enthusiastically joining forces with Echo in 6x13. Maybe she did. But Octavia has also proven herself an unreliable narrator, and Hope feels indignation on her aunt's behalf. Whatever the case, there's a reason why the dialogue keeps referencing Echo and Octavia's hostile history. And I think it's building to a head in 7x07. 

I think mutual love for Bellamy is healing the divide between them when Echo is at her most fractured. She's isolated from Bellamy and the rest of Spacekru. Left in pain and seeking retribution as Octavia did, which, as we know, is where it all went wrong for the latter. Octavia, more than most, is in the best position to empathize with what Echo is currently feeling and how pain can destroy her if she lets it consume her. 

If Octavia can remind Echo she's not alone, if a former enemy can convince her she belongs and welcome her with open arms- as her brother did before her- it might do well in healing some broken piece inside of her. And it would be a roundabout display of Octavia's newfound maturity. This is good for both of them. This spiral she is in will require her to look inward. Since her fixation with Bellamy is partly what landed her in this mess, absolution cannot come from him. She can only find it in herself if she wants it. But I'd be glad if Octavia can help see her through it. This is what I mean about seeking value in the story told. We're so concerned about Octavia calling Echo family, about the possibility of it legitimizing B/E, it doesn't occur to us that it's about the characters themselves. And B/E is only a vehicle used to bring us there. It's easier to see when not consumed by automatic seething rage, as typical of our fellow Bellarke compatriots, for anything remotely associated with Echo.

If my heart and mind weren’t chanting “BELLARKEBELLARKEBELLARKE,” there’s a good chance I’d be able to better appreciate the complexities B/E gives to the development of the four characters it directly impacts. 

Our side of fandom has made lots of accusations about B/E since 5x01. It’s a forgettable, physical relationship worth little to Bellamy. B/E is unhealthy for reasons x, y, and z. We generate a different example in every episode. Click slideshow for more details. But the fact of the matter is, much of this isn't true. Until Echo went postal, B/E wasn’t unhealthy. Bellamy just had a greater love for Clarke. Up until their ending scene in 6x04, there was nothing they couldn’t come back from together, if both committed themselves fully, no more walls. It's not a particularly popular train of thought among us, but Jason absolutely could've written B/E as an endgame pairing. And all it would take to deliver a final killing blow is the inclusion of a single damning scene.

We can gripe over the length of time they've stayed together. But, in spite of what most people think about every new B/E development and Bellarke separation, Jason has never actually dropped an ax on Bellarke. Hope persists.

Jason is responsible for the development of dozens of characters, major plots, and dozens of smaller subplots. But our fandom reduced the story chiefly to Bellarke's romance. Our villains are those who stand in their way. Namely Echo, the only outside love interest to be an official obstacle. We fashioned Echo as our enemy. In lieu of removing her from the narrative (which is not in our power to do), we've done everything within our purview to diminish her. If Jason won't treat B/E and Echo as the jokes we know they are, we'll do it ourselves. Minimizing her role in the story makes it a hell of a lot easier to erase a character we'd rather didn't exist for our preferred ship to advance.

Lord knows how many times we've claimed she has no story. That absent relevance or substantial bearing, she's there simply because Jason is partial to her for some elusive reason. But the reality is, we never looked for her story because we wanted to be able to claim its inexistence. We wanted to be able to say she's frivolous to the story, and by extension, to Bellamy. We want to be able to dismantle B/E when it appears Jason doesn't. Except he is and has been doing so since day one. 

Months ago, on a whim, when I was feeling benevolent towards Echo, I wrote a long post HERE giving her the benefit of the doubt, and I said:

In the grand scheme of the story, I think this is the purpose Echo serves, to represent the part that says, “We’re all human. No matter what tribe we belong to, we fight for the same reasons. We love the same way. When you leave allegiances aside, when you see someone for who they are at their core, an enemy today can become a friend tomorrow.”

True peace, a series-long running theme for our heroes, begins with embracing former outsiders like Echo and Emori. Easy to lose sight of this when focused on ship wars. 

It is perfectly acceptable not to love all the components of a story. It is understandable to focus your attention on those select segments you find appealing. But a tunnel-visioned mindset lands you in trouble when you become resentful at the reminders that a story is a composite of more moving pieces than just the parts you like. And when you forget that screentime allotted to developing those pieces ahead of what you favor is permissible. Everything on a show has its time, all in due course. 

On the other hand, B/E shippers overinflate their ship's significance. They take canon and twist it to say, "Look at how strong B/E is, Bellarke could never. B/E is endgame, and Blorkes are delusional." Their conclusion of an epic love is another bias-based fandom interpretation that doesn’t hold water, either. 

I think the reality of B/E lies somewhere in a muddled middle of these two extremes. 

One last point, and I'll get off my soapbox. Despite what the melodramatic diatribe in my opening paragraph suggests, B/E is never as atrocious as fandom makes them out to be. Greater fandom treats anything remotely associated with B/E as the next great catastrophe. And as it turns out, it never really is.  

 Tagging @sometimesrosy, because I think, after years of combating opinions you don’t agree with, it might be a refreshing change of pace to know some of us do have more balanced views regarding B/E. If I do say so myself.

[doomonfilm]

Thoughts : Snowpiercer (2013)

People have been telling me for years to watch Snowpiercer.  With its dystopian sci-fi setting, ‘used future’ aesthetic and the litany of film-canon conspiracy theories that have arisen surrounding it, I’ve had it on my ‘to-view’ list for quite some time.  After seeing the stunning Parasite, however, the need to see this film become more apparent, and with Netflix having a track record of disappearing films before I get around to them, it seemed there was no time like the present to dive in.

In hopes of curbing a global catastrophe threatening to destroy the Earth in 2014, a mysterious substance known as CW7 into the atmosphere.  Unfortunately, the substance put the world in a seemingly permanent state of deep freeze, with the only survivors found aboard an extremely long, non-stopping train known as the Snowpiercer, created by a man known as Wilford (Ed Harris).  Those with wealth and privilege reside in the lavish front cars, while a large portion of disadvantaged passengers survive in the tail cars.  Curtis (Chris Evans), a member of the tail car population, along with the help of confidant and advisor Gilliam (John Hurt) and best friend Edgar (Jamie Bell) begin to formulate a plan to revolt and overtake the front cars.  Tensions reach a breaking point when Claude (Emma Levie), a lackey for Wilford, takes the children of Tanya (Octavia Spencer) and other tail residents, and Minister Mason (Tilda Swinton) punishes tail resident Andrew (Ewen Bremner) for standing up in protest.  Fed up with being treated less than human, Curtis and the residents of the tail car seize a moment to advance forward in an attempt to take over the Snowpiercer, and after rescuing Namgoong Minsoo (Kang-ho Song), a man notorious for his skill in opening locks and designing the gates that seperate the cars, and his intuitive sidekick Yona (Ko Asung), the group proceeds towards the engine.  As they get closer to the front cars, the group is rocked by a combination of defensive maneuvers and mind-blowing information connected to their circumstances that changes their lives forever.

Snowpiercer is an extremely stylized observation on classicism in the face of environmental issues, dwindling resources and land becoming uninhabitable due to these reasons.  The ecosystem of the world on the train becomes an extreme one, where race and culture are basically eliminated, and people fall into the two extreme classifications of rich and poor.  One interesting detail I noticed was how the poor make attempts to hold on to an assemblance of power by documenting the past and present... it echoes how, if left unchecked, history will always be written by the victors.  This film, despite its stylized science-fiction presentation, does not shy away from showing the costs of environmental issues that mirror those in the real world, as well as the cost of revolution, which tends to be glorified in film.

The idea of scarcity plays a major part in the narrative, as the possibility of limited common resources, food, water, and event bullets and cigarettes become major factor that influence huge decisions.  The scarcity also trickles down to human resources, as the poor are viewed as a commodity to the rich more so than a lesser class of human.  The limited resources fall into a similar split as the ‘class structure’, with dirty and inhuman resources appointed to the poor while clean and extravagance are saved for the rich and advantaged, making items like clean water a more valuable commodity than money.  The desperate times presented become host for desperate measures from both sides, as the actions of the poor and their revolt are offset by the drastic, underhanded tactics implemented by the rich.  On top of everything, the Snowpiercer itself not only serves as protection from the exterior wasteland, it is literally a rolling attempt to protect the original ecosystem, in hopes of possibly restoring life to the way it was. 

The cramped locations inside the train, even in the fancier parts, are designed for visual and emotional stimulation, and the lack of space parallels how the Snowpiercer never stops moving in order to avoid the danger of what was originally relief from their current confinement.  The gritty costuming and set design really pop as the group moves closer to the front of the train, very similar to how the extremely frenetic action scenes offset the methodical nature of how the poor make their forward advancement.  Touches of crude and practical technology are sprinkled throughout, with much of it being familiar to a bygone era, even (again) in the fancier spaces.  Bong Joon-ho is clearly not afraid to get up close and personal, letting the film get its hands dirty when it is appropriate to really add to the film’s emotional weight.  Ultimately, Snowpiercer is a nuanced, cautionary tale on preparing for the irreparable damage humans have already collectively done to the Earth’s ecosystem. 

Chris Evans shows as much of his range as an actor is capable of, switching effortlessly between calculated, action-driven, intimidation and emotionally centered performances... almost as if he is living in the world of the film rather than acting.  Song Kang-ho gives the appearance of letting madness and mania drive his performance, and his payoff moments hit that much harder because of this.  Ed Harris captures the mood and attitude of the unaffected... those advantaged enough to be able to separate themselves from the issues that impact the rest of us (and at times, the issues they themselves have created), complete with mind games.  John Hurt embodies the essence of the wise sage, slowly and methodically grooming the Curtis character into the tool needed to exact the master plan.  Tilda Swinton and her natural gift for total embodiment of strange personas is yet again put on full display, with her ability to ground even the most outrageous characters in reality being used to maximum potential.  Jamie Bell brings the energy of those wanting immediate change without weighing the potential risk and outcomes of their actions.  Octavia Spencer shows how nature  and human desire will remain, even in the face of extreme circumstances and obstacles.  Go Ah-sung balances well against Song Kang-ho, as her quirky and eccentric performance balances both against her natural abilities and Kang-ho’s offbeat mannerisms.  Ewen Bremner, Alison Pill, Vlad Ivanov, Luke Paqualino, Adnon Haskovic, Clark Middleton, Emma Levie, Tomas Lemarquis, Steve Park and Paul Lazar also stand out in the massive cast. 

In terms of modern day science-fiction, Snowpiercer exceeds where many films have fallen short.  Don’t get me wrong... there have been many wonderful premises presented in the past ten years or so, but not every film is able to fully explore or exceed the original premise presented.  Snowpiercer, however, checks off every box it presents, and leaves you with plenty to think about long after the final credit has rolled.

[heyyyyadora]

No one wants to be Kyle.

But someone, at least, has his back, a silent saviour.

A quick one-shot for these gay bois!

Proud to present everyone’s fave buff lizard/useless twink pairing!!!

So I have to explain my headcanon for Rogelio’s muteness - the She-Ra staff were the ones to confirm Rogelio’s name on twitter, mentioning that because he has no voice lines in Season One, he doesn’t appear in the voice credits. They also mentioned that they think someone says his name in Season Two, which will be the first time his name is confirmed in canon…

…which in my head suggested, “Oh, I guess he still doesn’t get credited for any voice lines then?” which lead to, “Wait, so Rogelio doesn’t speak at ALL for two whole seasons?” and so, boom. Mute Rogelio headcanon.

I really liked the idea of playing with this, as lizards obviously communicate in a variety of ways that differ from us - lots of cues in touch and body language, with a smattering of audio cues such as huffing or hissing.

Kyle, on the other hand, just wants someone who’ll listen to him… so who better than someone who won’t interrupt, who will just sit there calmly and let him get things off his chest; having a big buff lizard bf is a pretty sweet bonus tho.

Whole fic posted under cut!

“Ugh, seriously, Kyle?!”

He wasn’t cut out for this. He knew that. But having everyone yell at him for it didn’t. Help.

“Come on! That one wasn’t my fault!”

It was no good protesting. Adora and the others had already scattered, further laser fire blasting around them. He sighed, pulling himself up to sitting position and rubbing his now probably bruised chest. Great. If he took a hit then all of their grades suffered. Team marking meant that he dragged them all down.

Ughhh. He should be taking those extra drills, but the drill sergeants were terrifying enough to spend regular hours around and all he could imagine was Shadow Weaver’s glowing, judgemental eyes glaring at him the whole time.

Maybe he should just… keep lying here.

There was a shuffle to his side and Kyle immediately snapped upright, “I-I was just leaving, I- Oh,”

A clawed green hand had taken him by the wrist, pulling him up. Rogelio’s placid eyes looked him up and down, before dusting him off.

“Rogelio… ah, you shouldn’t hang around for me, you don’t wanna lose any more marks…”

Rogelio’s head shook slowly, a claw pointing to his chest and tapping on the display there. Kyle’s eyes were drawn down to the flashing red X that marked him. “Ah… you too? Too bad, huh?” Broad scaly shoulders shrugged up and down slowly, then the lizard man simply gestured over his shoulder. Time to go.

“Yeah, yeah… I guess,” Kyle grumbled, sighing. “It’s gonna be a long week to make up for that.”

A heavy arm thudded over his back, about as comforting as a thump from a guy probably three times your body mass could manage. “Ahah, hey, ow- geez, I’m banged up enough as it is!”

A yellow eye was tilted in his direction and Kyle managed to picture a rough brow being raised teasingly at him. “Hey, I’m trying, you know? I don’t got the biological advantage here. And Adora, Lonnie, all those guys, I dunno… I’m just not built for this stuff.” The eye blinked slowly. “Ahh, I know, I know… It’s just like, I don’t have the mental strength to work up the courage to train more – and then it’s like, it cycles around, ‘cause then I get beaten around for being weak and it all goes on in a circle… ahh, I don’t know, whatever.”

The blink he got that time was longer, slower. Rogelio had no idea what he was trying to say. But Kyle got another pat on the shoulder, which he took as some sort of encouragement.

“Yeah… just gotta deal with how it is for now.”

As they each packed away their training gear in their lockers, Kyle paused for a second to look over at the lizard boy from across the room. He didn’t know why Rogelio chose to hang out with him… or, uh, well, he didn’t know whether to call it hanging out, more that he just lingered in proximity from time to time. Truthfully he wasn’t ever sure what was on the other cadet’s mind, he only ever got a general feeling for it. It was obvious that Rogelio could understand them, but if he was ever trying to communicate back it was in some way they couldn’t consciously recognise. Though, they never got the impression that he went misunderstood, so there could be something there. He hardly seemed simple-minded, either.

Rogelio was kind of a loner, though, all the same. Maybe because of the communication barrier. Or maybe that was just the way he was. Reptiles were all pretty solitary, weren’t they? Not that he’d dare to ask, it sounded pretty… risky. Presumptive. And he didn’t want to ruin what they had going; whatever that was. It mostly boiled down to that whole, being in proximity thing.

Kyle had actually been the one to initiate contact, hard as it would be for anyone to believe! Well, he’d seen Rogelio in action in the early days of training – as impressive then as he was now, sleeker than you’d expect for his build, quick on his feet and well-balanced, too! Their teams had just been assigned and hey, you were supposed to be working with these guys for the next what, eight years of your life, so he’d figured might as well make friends and all! And Rogelio had just sat there for half an hour as Kyle had gone on and on in a nervous mess, managing a whole conversation by himself without ever getting a word back in response.

It was only then that someone had alerted him that Rogelio was, in fact, mute.

In retrospect he had been extremely polite about it, or at least hadn’t punched him in the gut or taped his mouth shut as were uncommon responses to trying to interact with Kyle. He just had a tendency to get nervous and start carrying himself on his own momentum…

Oh! There was a tap on his shoulder-

“Cadet Kyle. We need to talk.”

Oh, shoot.

A tongue-lashing from Shadow Weaver was more than enough to shake anyone to their core. As much as Kyle tried to get accustomed to these consequences of failure, he was never ready. She surely made that impossible. He didn’t cry, daren’t cry, because that would make it all the worse for him. Instead he’d sat there, bolt upright, giving the appropriate “Yes Shadow Weaver,” and “No Shadow Weaver,” on cue. A good little drone taking his punishment on the chin.

Then, when he was out of sight, he rushed for the bathroom and threw up.

He pressed his forehead against the rim and just moaned, letting the floodgates open. He whined, he sobbed. Five minutes. Five minutes he’d allow himself. Then he had to put that mask back on. No weakness in the horde.

There was another touch to his back and he bolted. Was it Shadow Weaver again?

“I wasn’t-”

Those calm yellow eyes pierced him again. He swallowed. “S-sorry, I…” A cough. He grabbed a tissue to wipe his mouth. As he did so, something cool and leathery nudged into his cheek. He turned slightly to see what it was – and found Rogelio nosing him in the face. He blinked once, twice. He wasn’t sure what to do. Was he… worried? Or was this sympathy?

“U-um, I… were you waiting for me?” A blink in response. Kyle looked back in surprise, before a little smile came to his face. “Uh… thanks.” He paused, looking over to where he’d just been squatting and vomiting. “I uh, I just needed to uh, recover. You know. God- I don’t- I wish, I just wish I could do better, you know? I don’t want to fail. I’m not like, like Catra, just treating it like some joke or something. I want to be someone. But I can’t! It’s just not me. It feels like that. I dunno. I just- ah, hey!”

For the first time, Rogelio had interrupted – by scooping him up and turning about, beginning a straight march down the corridor. Kyle locked up for a second, then cried out a protest. “H-hey! Hold up! Don’t- you can’t just- what if someone- this is so embarrassing! Rogelio! Put me-”

He heard footsteps coming their way and froze, shutting up, turning to hide his face in his hands. This was humiliating, what was Rogelio thinking, they could both be in trouble for fooling around like this-

“Hold up Cadet, whatcha got there?”

Rogelio stopped. Turned. Kyle’s breath caught in his throat. What was he thinking?

“Hm? Oh, hey, is that… hah, Cadet Kyle, is it? What’d he do, piss off Octavia or something?” Rogelio’s weight shifted, like he was shrugging a shoulder, then he made some sort of sigh-hissing noise, air huffing out of his nostrils.

“Heh. Figures she’d have had enough of his whiny little face. Serves the kid right, might learn something the more he gets knocked about. Alright, get him back to dorms before he comes to and has a cry about it.”

The footsteps carried on. Rogelio moved on. Kyle, now gripping on tightly to the front of the boy’s shirt, was stunned. Any other time he would have been harassed, jeered at, spat on, driven further into the dirt while he shuffled meekly through the rest of his day. Now Rogelio was carting him away from all of that, back to his dorm where he could gather up his strength, take some rest, get some respite from the bullying and beatings and foul treatment…

He pressed his face into his companion’s chest, letting out a slow breath. “T..thanks.”

Rogelio huffed again. He took that as a “Don’t mention it.”

[eamesandbellamyaremyheaven]

Bloodreina - The New Avenger Chapter One (The 100/Marvel)

Prologue

Summary: The 100 AU in the Marvel Universe What if Octavia and Bellamy joined the Avengers after escaping HYDRA's Ark Project? Set after the Battle of New York. 

Pairings: All platonic for now: Steve x Octavia, Avengers x Octavia, Bellamy x Octavia, Bellamy x Raven, Octavia x Raven. More to be added later on.

Word Count: 2191

Warnings: Bad writing maybe? (sorry about that)

A/N: Not sure what to say about this one. I’m not sure anyone actually read the prologue, so… that’s discouraging… Anyways, all I wanted was a fiction of the most badass character in the Marvel Universe, so I wrote one. Hopefully someday someone will want it too, and will read mine :)

Chapter One - Welcome to the Avengers

As they approached the common room, Octavia could hear the commotion growing louder by every step, and she was taken back by the most heartwarming sight she had no reaction for. 

Bellamy was having the most delightful conversation with the usually over-excited Thor, who seemed to be enjoying it a lot, since he cracked in a loud laugh as he squeezed lightly Bell’s shoulder and both gulped down another beer, bringing down the empty cup to join the previous. And while Bellamy was getting hammered - fast - Raven was having some sort of discussion with Tony and Bruce over Jarvis, and as she quickly worked the program both of them were obviously impressed. She was, after all, a genius, both muscle and brains.

“There you are! We were all wondering were you two have been hiding!” Natasha said as she walked towards Octavia and Steve, displaying her signature cheeky smirk, squeezing the young girl’s hand in hers as she dragged her away from Steve and closer to the crowd “Pepper asked for a family portrait” she emphasized the later words “with all the Avengers”

Octavia simply smiled, and nodded. 

The Battle of New York had changed a lot of things, one of them being the status of the new comers within the team. While Bellamy was following Hill’s footsteps as a top commander in SHIELD, and Raven was working as an operative agent, Octavia was stuck with hours on end of training with Steve Rogers, the one and only Captain America, and as if it wasn’t enough, she still had to share her sparse free time with Clint and Nat, to work on planing missions and strategics, and when Tony was in D.C. he made sure she was available 24/7 to his every whims. 

It wasn’t bad at all though, since they took her in, and she was warming up to them. Steve was a gentleman, and for that Octavia enjoyed very much embarrassing him to the point he would change into the colour of a tomato. Clint was always funny to have around too, and even though he and Natasha were like twins joined by the hip, he made sure to always include Octavia in their conversations and stories, and after a while it was like she had known them all her life. 

Tony Stark, on the other end, was a complete mess. All that narcissistic and shallow attitude was just a mask for his daddy issues, which made Octavia having a hard time deciding in between hugging him or punching him on the mouth. With Tony, there was no middle ground.

But when Loki came with the Chitauri army, the dysfunctional team had united against the enemy and fought side by side, and that was the only way they managed to defeat it, together.

“Just a little closer” Maria demanded, with the camera on hand. Thor, Bruce, Tony and Steve stood straight behind the couch, while Natasha, Octavia, Raven and Bellamy were sat in it, and Clint was stretched on the floor on his side, right in front of them. It was a silly picture, with a few confused and surprised expressions in it, but overall it was genuinely cute. Octavia made sure to not forget to ask a copy for herself.

Two Years Later

The team gathered at the head of the Quinjet, waiting for debriefing. Octavia stood by Steve’s side, silently listening to STRIKE’s team leader Brock Rumlow “The target is a mobile satellite launch platform, the Lemurian Star. They were sending up their last payload when pirates took them, 93 minutes ago”

“Any demands?” Steve asked, to which Rumlow replied “A billion and a half”

Steve looked at Octavia, as both were thinking the same “Why so steep?” 

“Cause it SHIELD's” Octavia promptly replied, and Steve simply nodded. He was obviously annoyed, as he spoke with sour voice

“So it's not off-course, it's trespassing.”

“I'm sure they have a good reason.” Natasha joked, but Steve was not in the mood “You know, I'm getting a little tired of being Fury's janitor”

“Relax, it's not that complicated” Octavia defended, trying to calm him down. She knew how much he hated those type of missions, he had told her once how they made him feel like a puppet.

Steve sighed before proceeding, his Captain America tone back “How many pirates?” 

“Twenty-five, top mercs, led by this guy” Brock pulled a photo of a man on the monitor “Georges Batroc. Ex-DGSE, Action Division. He's at the top of Interpol's Red Notice. Before the French demobilized him, he had thirty-six kill missions. This guy's got a rep for maximum casualties.”

“Hostages?”

“Uh...mostly techs. One officer, Jasper Sitwell.” A photo of a bald man in glasses flashed in the monitor “They're in the galley.” 

Nothing about it made sense. “What's Sitwell doing on a launch ship?” Octavia muttered as she looked up, feeling Steve’s eyes on her. He must have thought the same, but since the team was waiting for assignments, he shook his head and continued

“Alright, Octavia, we’re gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Nat, you'll kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you sweep aft, find the hostages, get them to the life-pods, get 'em out. Let's move.”

“STRIKE, you heard the Cap. Gear up.” Rumlow commanded, and everyone dispersed, getting ready to dive off the jet. Octavia was checking her equipment when Natasha’s voice called her out of her concentration “Did you two do anything fun Saturday night?”

“If by fun, you mean if I third-wheeled Bell and Raven’s movie night, then yes” Octavia replied, turning around to watch Steve as he answered, his lips curled into a shy smile

“Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so... No, not really.”

Natasha sighed “You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she'd probably say yes.” 

“That's why I don't ask.” Steve replied, as he walked towards Octavia. They were now standing at the entrance of the hatch, facing each other, and the young girl couldn’t help but grin as she asked a final question “Too shy or too scared?” 

“Too busy!” Steve replied, as he ran the last steps remaining and then leaped out of the Quinjet. 

Octavia cracked a laugh as she adjusted her gloves and pulled up the gun with the hooked steel rope, jumping a few seconds after him.

*** 

The landing was getting smoother with practice. As Octavia was getting closer to the target, she shot the hook towards the outside wall of the ship, and as her body came closer to hit against the metal she pulled her legs up, softening the impact with her soundproof stealth boots. She climbed up towards the deck, arriving just as a pirate held his gun towards Steve. Octavia quickly pulled out one of her knives and threw it towards the man, instantly killing him.

“Thanks”

“Yeah, you seemed pretty helpless without me, Cap” Octavia joked, patting him on the shoulder. The STRIKE team was getting down, and as soon as Natasha arrived she continued the conversation Steve left on hold.

“What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice.” 

Steve groaned, as he commanded her “Secure the engine room, then find me a date.” 

“What? It’s called multitasking!”

*** 

Octavia knew her place on the team, and usually Fury assigned her missions no one else acknowledge, not even Steve or Natasha. And even though she didn’t like to hide anything to them, she knew better than to defy the bigger man. And right at that moment, her mission as to accompanied Natasha to the archives, and secure the room while she did her part. She heard Steve called both their names through the comm for the millionth time, and that was when she decided to finally unplug the earpiece, before she would cave to her emotions and ruin her mission.

“C’mon, he’s a big boy, he can handle the fort without us” Natasha spoke without adverting her eyes from the monitor, getting only an annoyed groan as reply. Octavia watched through a window the empty deck, when Natasha’s voice caught her attention once more.

“Are you okay with my attempts of getting Steve a date?”

Octavia looked at the red-haired girl. Natasha had stopped working on the computer and was smiling deviously, with an inquisitor arched brow. The young girl walked simply shrugged, and replied “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

Natasha turned her head back to the screen, and continued her work, as she muttered “Oh, no reason, just thought you two might be onto something, and I didn’t want to ruin that”

Octavia expression dropped. She closed the distance with the agent, coming to an hold by her side. Her voice was low and nonchalant as she spoke “Steve and I are just friends”

“If you say so”

Before Octavia could say anything else, the door burst open, as the man identified as Batroc came falling with it. Steve walked inside, his eyes falling instantly from one girl to the other, lingering on Octavia, who stood there speechless, until Natasha spoke sarcastically “Well, this is awkward” 

“What are you doing?”

“Backing up the hard drive. It's a good habit to get into.”

Steve walked quickly towards Octavia, face hard as he spoke in a tone the girl had never heard before “Rumlow needed your help. What the hell are you doing here?”

“My mission” she defended, but Steve seemed unfazed

“Our mission is to rescue hostages.” 

Before Octavia could reply, Natasha pulled the flash drive out and turned to Steve “No. That's your mission. And you've done it beautifully.”

As Octavia was starting to walk away, Steve grabbed her by her arm, holding her steady in place, as he spoke low “You just jeopardized this whole operation.”

“I think that's overstating things.” Natasha replied, as Octavia jerked her arm free. Suddenly Batroc rose to his feet and threw a grenade towards them as he ran off, giving them a few seconds for Steve to deflect the bomb with his shield, as Octavia grabbed Natasha and jumped through a window followed by the super-soldier before the grenade exploded, leaving them panting against the wall, trying to steady their breaths.

“Okay. That one's on me.” Natasha tried to joke, but her shaking voice gave her away.

Steve hand brushed against Octavia’s arm, where a big gash tore from shoulder to elbow. The touch caught her by surprise, as she instinctively pulled her arm away from his reach, and focused on covering the cut. His face dropped as he stood up in a push, his voice filled with anger as he ran off after Batroc

“You're damn right.”

***

The mission was finished, and they got back to the headquarters. After a quick debrief with Fury, and a checkup in the infirmary, Octavia was sent home for the rest of the day.

When they decided to join SHIELD, Octavia, Bellamy and Raven were provided with an apartment, and as Bellamy and Raven relation evolved, Octavia had started to spend less and less time in the apartment, and more in the Triskelion, SHIELD’s headquarters. It’s not like she wasn’t happy for them, which she was, but being around the happy couple made her realize how much she wanted that. Unconditional love. Someone to call home.

“Hey O, can you pass me the salad?” Bellamy smiled, as she broke from her trance and handed him the bowl “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

Octavia’s voice was low and she was looking down at her plate, afraid they might notice the red on her cheeks “Humm... Raven, do you know if that guy still wants to take me out in a date?” Raven and Bellamy had stopped eating, and were looking at her. Raven’s face lit and she smile cheekily, and Bellamy excused himself to answer his phone

“Who, Tom, from the STRIKE team?” She asked, teasing her

“Yes...” Octavia grumbled, already regretting having asked in the first place

Suddenly Bellamy interrupted them, his face had lost all colour has he spoke, looking directly at Octavia

“Fury’s been shot”

[ucflibrary]

For the month of December, the UCF Libraries Bookshelf celebrates the favorite books of employees of the UCF Libraries. And you know a major thing about librarians? They love talking about their favorite books. The books listed below are ones we have (and will continue to) read many times over the course of our lives. The genre for our 2018 staff favorites is science fiction and fantasy.

Click on the link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links for the staff favorite science fiction and fantasy titles suggested by UCF Library employees. These 30 books plus many, many more are also on display on the 2nd (main) floor of the John C. Hitt Library next to the bank of two elevators.

A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray It’s 1895, and after the suicide of her mother, 16-year-old Gemma Doyle is shipped off from the life she knows in India to Spence, a proper boarding school in England. Lonely, guilt-ridden, and prone to visions of the future that have an uncomfortable habit of coming true, Gemma’s reception there is a chilly one.  To make things worse, she’s been followed by a mysterious young Indian man, a man sent to watch her. But why? What is her destiny? And what will her entanglement with Spence’s most powerful girls—and their foray into the spiritual world—lead to? Suggested by Dawn Tripp, Research & Information Services

 Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor  Twelve-year-old Sunny lives in Nigeria, but she was born American. Her features are African, but she's albino. She's a terrific athlete, but can't go out into the sun to play soccer. There seems to be no place where she fits in. And then she discovers something amazing—she is a "free agent" with latent magical power. Soon she's part of a quartet of magic students, studying the visible and invisible, learning to change reality. But will it be enough to help them when they are asked to catch a career criminal who knows magic too? Suggested by Rich Gause, Research & Information Services

 An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon Aster has little to offer folks in the way of rebuttal when they call her ogre and freak. She’s used to the names; she only wishes there was more truth to them. If she were truly a monster, she’d be powerful enough to tear down the walls around her until nothing remains of her world. Aster lives in the lowdeck slums of the HSS Matilda, a space vessel organized much like the antebellum South. For generations, Matilda has ferried the last of humanity to a mythical Promised Land. On its way, the ship’s leaders have imposed harsh moral restrictions and deep indignities on dark-skinned sharecroppers like Aster. Embroiled in a grudge with a brutal overseer, Aster learns there may be a way to improve her lot—if she’s willing to sow the seeds of civil war. Suggested by Rachel Mulvihill, Teaching & Engagement

 Born of Legend by Sherrilyn Kenyon Hunted. Hated. Betrayed. Outcast Dagger Ixur is on the run for his life. As one of the most recognizable members of his royal house, he has a bounty on his head that guarantees him no quarter from any friend or even family. But surrender isn’t in him. He will fight to the bitter end. A resolve that is sorely tested when he narrowly escapes a trap that leaves him severely wounded. With what he believes is his dying breath, he saves a boy born to an extinct race from a group out to enslave the kid for his legendary abilities. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

 Dune by Frank Herbert Set on the desert planet Arrakis, Dune is the story of the boy Paul Atreides—who would become known as Muad’Dib—and of a great family’s ambition to bring to fruition humankind’s most ancient and unattainable dream. Suggested by Shane Roopnarine, Rosen Library

 Ender’s Game by Scott Orson Card In order to develop a secure defense against a hostile alien race's next attack, government agencies breed child geniuses and train them as soldiers. A brilliant young boy, Andrew "Ender" Wiggin lives with his kind but distant parents, his sadistic brother Peter, and the person he loves more than anyone else, his sister Valentine. Peter and Valentine were candidates for the soldier-training program but didn't make the cut--young Ender is the Wiggin drafted to the orbiting Battle School for rigorous military training. Ender's skills make him a leader in school and respected in the Battle Room, where children play at mock battles in zero gravity. Yet growing up in an artificial community of young soldiers, Ender suffers greatly from isolation, rivalry from his peers, pressure from the adult teachers, and an unsettling fear of the alien invaders. His psychological battles include loneliness, fear that he is becoming like the cruel brother he remembers, and fanning the flames of devotion to his beloved sister. Suggested by Mary Rubin, Special Collections & University Archives

 Exit West by Mohsin Hamid In a country teetering on the brink of civil war, two young people meet—sensual, fiercely independent Nadia and gentle, restrained Saeed. They embark on a furtive love affair, and are soon cloistered in a premature intimacy by the unrest roiling their city. When it explodes, turning familiar streets into a patchwork of checkpoints and bomb blasts, they begin to hear whispers about doors—doors that can whisk people far away, if perilously and for a price. As the violence escalates, Nadia and Saeed decide that they no longer have a choice. Leaving their homeland and their old lives behind, they find a door and step through. Suggested by Andrew Hackler, Circulation

 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, where television rules and literature is on the brink of extinction, firemen start fires rather than put them out. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television “family.” But then he meets an eccentric young neighbor, Clarisse, who introduces him to a past where people didn’t live in fear and to a present where one sees the world through the ideas in books instead of the mindless chatter of television. When Mildred attempts suicide and Clarisse suddenly disappears, Montag begins to question everything he has ever known. He starts hiding books in his home, and when his pilfering is discovered, the fireman has to run for his life. Suggested by Larry Cooperman, Research & Information

 Galactic Pot-healer by Philip K. Dick A powerful and enigmatic alien recruits humans and aliens to help it restore a sunken cathedral in this touching and hilarious novel Sometimes even gods need help In Galactic Pot-Healer that god is an alien creature known as The Glimmung which looks alternately like a flaming wheel a teenage girl and a swirling mass of ocean life In order to raise a sunken city he summons beings from across the galaxy to Plowmans Planet Joe Fernwright is one of those summoned needed for his skills at pot-healing-repairing broken ceramics But from the moment Joe arrives on Plowmans Planet things start to go awry Told as only Philip K Dick can Galactic Pot-Healer is a wildly funny tale of aliens gods and ceramics. Suggested by Seth Dwyer, Circulation

 Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones In the land of Ingary, such things as spells, invisible cloaks, and seven-league boots were everyday things. The Witch of the Waste was another matter.  After fifty years of quiet, it was rumored that the Witch was about to terrorize the country again. So when a moving black castle, blowing dark smoke from its four thin turrets, appeared on the horizon, everyone thought it was the Witch. The castle, however, belonged to Wizard Howl, who, it was said, liked to suck the souls of young girls. The Hatter sisters--Sophie, Lettie, and Martha--and all the other girls were warned not to venture into the streets alone. But that was only the beginning. In this giant jigsaw puzzle of a fantasy, people and things are never quite what they seem. The Witch has placed a spell on Howl. Does the clue to breaking it lie in a famous poem? And what will happen to Sophie Hatter when she enters Howl's castle? Suggested by Emma Gisclair, Curriculum Material Center

 Kindred by Octavia Butler Dana, a modern black woman, is celebrating her twenty-sixth birthday with her new husband when she is snatched abruptly from her home in California and transported to the antebellum South. Rufus, the white son of a plantation owner, is drowning, and Dana has been summoned to save him. Dana is drawn back repeatedly through time to the slave quarters, and each time the stay grows longer, more arduous, and more dangerous until it is uncertain whether or not Dana's life will end, long before it has a chance to begin. Suggested by Rachel Edford, Teaching & Engagement

 Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K Le Guin  A lone human ambassador is sent to Winter, an alien world without sexual prejudice, where the inhabitants can change their gender whenever they choose. His goal is to facilitate Winter's inclusion in a growing intergalactic civilization. But to do so he must bridge the gulf between his own views and those of the strange, intriguing culture he encounters. Suggested by Athena Hoeppner, Acquisitions & Collections

 Lie Down with Lions by Ken Follett Ellis, the American. Jean-Pierre, the Frenchman. They were two men on opposite sides of the Cold War, with a woman torn between them. Together, they formed a triangle of passion and deception, racing from terrorist bombs in Paris to the violence and intrigue of Afghanistan—to the moment of truth and deadly decision for all of them. . . . Suggested by Ven Basco, Research & Information Services

 Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. The Lord of the Rings tells of the great quest undertaken by Frodo and the Fellowship of the Ring: Gandalf the Wizard; the hobbits Merry, Pippin, and Sam; Gimli the Dwarf; Legolas the Elf; Boromir of Gondor; and a tall, mysterious stranger called Strider. Suggested by Raynette Kibbee, Administration

 Mars Attacks! The Art of the Movie by Karen R. Jones Looks at the development of the motion picture "Mars Attacks," and discusses the work of illustrators, costumers, computer artists, and model builders in creating the science fiction comedy Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

 On a Pale Horse by Piers Anthony Shooting Death was a mistake, as Zane soon discovered. For the man who killed the Incarnation of Death was immediately forced to assume the vacant position! Thereafter, he must speed over the world, riding his pale horse, and ending the lives of others. Zane was forced to accept his unwelcome task, despite the rules that seemed woefully unfair. But then he found himself being drawn into an evil plot of Satan. Already the prince of Evil was forging a trap in which Zane must act to destroy Luna, the woman he loved. Suggested by Martha Cloutier, Circulation

 Planet of the Apes by Pierre Boulle In the not-too-distant future, three astronauts land on what appears to be a planet just like Earth, with lush forests, a temperate climate, and breathable air. But while it appears to be a paradise, nothing is what it seems. They soon discover the terrifying truth: On this world humans are savage beasts, and apes rule as their civilized masters. In an ironic novel of nonstop action and breathless intrigue, one man struggles to unlock the secret of a terrifying civilization, all the while wondering: Will he become the savior of the human race, or the final witness to its damnation? In a shocking climax that rivals that of the original movie, Boulle delivers the answer in a masterpiece of adventure, satire, and suspense. Suggested by Jon Hanie, Circulation

 Red Dwarf directed by Ed Bye Notoriously, and entirely appropriately, the original outline for Doug Naylor and Rob Grant's comedy sci-fi series Red Dwarf was sketched on the back of a beer mat. When it finally appeared on British television in 1988, the show had clearly stayed true to its roots, mixing jokes about excessive curry consumption with affectionate parodies of classic sci-fi. Indeed, one of the show's most endearing and enduring features is its obvious respect for genre conventions, even as it gleefully subverts them. The scenario owes something to Douglas Adams's satirical Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, something to The Odd Couple, and a lot more to the slacker sci-fi of John Carpenter's Dark Star. Behind the crew's constant bickering there lurks an impending sense that life, the universe, and everything are all someone's idea of a terrible joke. Suggested by Robin Chan, Research & Information Services

 Seraphina: a novel by Rachel Hartman Four decades of peace have done little to ease the mistrust between humans and dragons in the kingdom of Goredd. Folding themselves into human shape, dragons attend court as ambassadors, and lend their rational, mathematical minds to universities as scholars and teachers. As the treaty's anniversary draws near, however, tensions are high. Seraphina Dombegh has reason to fear both sides. An unusually gifted musician, she joins the court just as a member of the royal family is murdered—in suspiciously draconian fashion. Seraphina is drawn into the investigation, partnering with the captain of the Queen's Guard, the dangerously perceptive Prince Lucian Kiggs. While they begin to uncover hints of a sinister plot to destroy the peace, Seraphina struggles to protect her own secret, the secret behind her musical gift, one so terrible that its discovery could mean her very life. Suggested by Lily Flick, UCF Connect Libraries

 Slippage: previously uncollected, precariously poised stories by Harlan Ellison Harlan Ellison celebrates four decades of writing and publishes his seventieth book, this critically acclaimed, wildly imaginative, and outrageously creative collection. The Edgar Award–nominated novella Mefisto in Onyx is the centerpiece, surrounded by screenplays, an introduction by the author, interspersed segments of autobiographical narrative, and such provocatively titled entries as “The Man Who Rowed Columbus Ashore,” “Anywhere But Here, With Anybody But You,” “Crazy As a Soup Sandwich,” “Chatting With Anubis,” “The Dragon on the Bookshelf,” (written in collaboration with Robert Silverberg), “The Dreams a Nightmare Dreams,” “Pulling Hard Time,” and “Midnight in the Sunken Cathedral.” Suggested by John Venecek, Research & Information Services

 Stardust by Neil Gaiman Tristran Thorn will do anything to win the cold heart of beautiful Victoria Forester—even fetch her the star they watch fall from the night sky. But to do so, he must enter the unexplored lands on the other side of the ancient wall that gives their tiny village its name. Beyond that stone barrier, Tristran learns, lies Faerie...and the most exhilarating adventure of the young man's life. Suggested by Christina Wray, Teaching & Engagement

 Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang Stories of Your Life and Others delivers dual delights of the very, very strange and the heartbreakingly familiar, often presenting characters who must confront sudden change—the inevitable rise of automatons or the appearance of aliens—with some sense of normalcy. With sharp intelligence and humor, Chiang examines what it means to be alive in a world marked by uncertainty, but also by beauty and wonder. Suggested by Selma Jaskowski, Administration

 Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein Raised by Martians on Mars, Valentine Michael Smith is a human who has never seen another member of his species. Sent to Earth, he is a stranger who must learn what it is to be a man. But his own beliefs and his powers far exceed the limits of humankind, and as he teaches them about grokking and water-sharing, he also inspires a transformation that will alter Earth’s inhabitants forever. Suggested by Tim Walker, Information Technology & Digital Initiatives

 The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden Winter lasts most of the year at the edge of the Russian wilderness, and in the long nights, Vasilisa and her siblings love to gather by the fire to listen to their nurse’s fairy tales. Above all, Vasya loves the story of Frost, the blue-eyed winter demon. Wise Russians fear him, for he claims unwary souls, and they honor the spirits that protect their homes from evil. Then Vasya’s widowed father brings home a new wife from Moscow. Fiercely devout, Vasya’s stepmother forbids her family from honoring their household spirits, but Vasya fears what this may bring. And indeed, misfortune begins to stalk the village.  But Vasya’s stepmother only grows harsher, determined to remake the village to her liking and to groom her rebellious stepdaughter for marriage or a convent. As the village’s defenses weaken and evil from the forest creeps nearer, Vasilisa must call upon dangerous gifts she has long concealed—to protect her family from a threat sprung to life from her nurse’s most frightening tales. Suggested by Cindy Dancel, Research & Information Services

 The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin This is the way the world ends...for the last time. A season of endings has begun. It starts with the great red rift across the heart of the world's sole continent, spewing ash that blots out the sun. It starts with death, with a murdered son and a missing daughter. It starts with betrayal, and long dormant wounds rising up to fester. This is the Stillness, a land long familiar with catastrophe, where the power of the earth is wielded as a weapon. And where there is no mercy. Suggested by Schuyler Kerby, Rosen Library

 The King Must Die by Mary Renault Renault starts with Theseus' early years, showing how the mystery of his father's identity and his small stature breed the insecurities that spur his youthful hijinx. As he moves on to Eleusis, Athens, and Crete, his playfulness and fondness for pranks matures into the courage to attempt singular heroic feats, the gallantry and leadership he was known for on the battlefield, and the bold-hearted ingenuity he shows in navigating the labyrinth and slaying the Minotaur. In what is perhaps the most inventive of all her novels of Ancient Greece, Renault casts Theseus in a surprisingly original pose; she teases the flawed human out of the bronze hero, and draws the plausible out of the fantastic. Suggested by Brian Calhoun, Research & Information Services

 The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood Offred is a Handmaid in the Republic of Gilead. She may leave the home of the Commander and his wife once a day to walk to food markets whose signs are now pictures instead of words because women are no longer allowed to read. She must lie on her back once a month and pray that the Commander makes her pregnant, because in an age of declining births, Offred and the other Handmaids are valued only if their ovaries are viable. Offred can remember the days before, when she lived and made love with her husband Luke; when she played with and protected her daughter; when she had a job, money of her own, and access to knowledge. But all of that is gone now…. Suggested by Jacqui Johnson, Cataloging

 The Illustrated Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams The off-beat and occasionally extraterrestrial journeys, notions, and acquaintances of galactic traveler Arthur Dent are illustrated with digitally generated graphic images and tricky visual puns Suggested by Missy Murphey, Research & Information Services

 The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's classic tale of true love and high adventure: the "good parts" version, abridged by William Goldman Anyone who lived through the 1980s may find it impossible—inconceivable, even—to equate The Princess Bride with anything other than the sweet, celluloid romance of Westley and Buttercup, but the film is only a fraction of the ingenious storytelling you'll find in these pages. Rich in character and satire, the novel is set in 1941 and framed cleverly as an “abridged” retelling of a centuries-old tale set in the fabled country of Florin that's home to “Beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passions.” Suggested by Jamie LaMoreaux, Acquisitions & Collections

 Twentieth-century American science-fiction writers. Pt. 1, A-L edited by David Cowart and Thomas L. Wymer The two-volume “Twentieth Century American Science Fiction Writers”, edited by David Cowart and Thomas L. Wimer, was published in 1981 and consists ofVolume 8: Part 1: A-L and Vol. 8: Part 2: M-Z of the Dictionary of Literary Biography. Michael Rogers wrote that "it is hands-down the best overall literary reference work ever published" but that many reference librarians had probably never heard of it. Choice has named the DLB an Outstanding Academic Book four times and The American Library Association's Reference and User Services Association has twice named it as an Outstanding Reference Source. Suggested by Mary Lee Gladding, Circulation

[broadwaybound2016]

The 100 Ask Game

thanks for tagging me @dylanobrienisbatman! <3

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

shit who the hell knows

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

Ahhh yes probably so, I think I would probably be saying to hell with the ark.

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

probably a phoenix, I like the symbolism

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Anya definitely Anya, I wanted to see her relationship with Lexa so badly. Or even though we technically never got to see her she was mentioned so could maybe be included, definitely Costia 100%

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Raven, Luna, Lexa, Clarke, Anya (yes I know they are all female, why you ask, females fucking rock)

6. Minty or Briller?

I honestly support both and don't have an opinion on either

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Kelly is my name, so probably Kelhi or Kelli

8. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

I honestly never liked Finn. I always thought the women in his life were way to good for him.

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I don't think I would have taken the chip, the thought of never feeling pain again make it seem like life would just be dull. How do we experience true happiness and joy when that is supposedly all we ever feel. We need the dark and sad moments to truly feel when something good happens.

10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc…

I think I relate to Raven and Octavia the most and probably a little bit of Bellamy thrown in even though it pains me to say that. Also I relate to Octavia from Season 1, I hate what her character has become as time has gone on. I would like to say that I am kind like Raven but I have a sort of biting humor and don't let things effect me or at least show anyone that I am hurt by anything. I can be a bit brash but honestly I have good intentions. I am usually pretty good in tough situations because I can think on my feet. As far as the part of me that relates to Bellamy would be that I am outspoke and opinionated and I can come off as being arrogant at times but again I mean well. I also tend to do what I want no matter what the repercussions may be. Finally in regards to Octavia, I am pretty adventurous and like to feel free and have a good time. I especially love testing others when they say I can't do something it makes me want to defy them all the more. I absolutely hate feeling controlled or confined. I also am a person who will easily accept you as a friend but once you have crossed me its super hard for me to overlook that.

My least favorite characters shift pretty often, like I loved Abby season 1 when she was rebellious but season 2 Abby pissed me off, where as the opposite is true of Kane. Its funny that even though I relate to Bellamy he actually is one of my least favorite characters along with Octavia. I loved her season 1 but they ruined her after that. Also Finn was an extremely annoying character to me.

11. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

I think as a delinquent I maybe would have a shaved head or some type of fade with a Bieber flip on one side. I would definitely have a bad ass bomber preferably my favorite color which is a sky blue. I would probably have a thermal underneath and some ripped up jeans. Also I would definitely have some classic black motorcycle boots and a permanent bandana wrapped around my wrist.

12. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Probably the butterflies

13. What would your job be on the Ark?

I have no friken idea but I am a delinquent anyway so what does it matter

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Yeah probably, I mean would not have cared at all about Ontari and would have wanted to save Clarke.

15. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she’s still alive right? then who would make the best commander?

Damn that is a super tough one, like I honestly believe no one but Lexa was fit to be the commander, maybe this may seem like an odd choice but Lincoln. He seemed like he had such great morals but was also willing to do what was necessary for the people he loved.

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor?

I mean I would want to live in the Capitol and have Lexa be my mentor but I am pretty sure I would not survive under her tutelage. I would probably be trikru and would want Lincoln as my mentor.

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

Man I do not know I tend to react badly to anything hallucinogenic so I probably would think people were out to kill me and freak out hiding somewhere till it passed.

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake?

Honestly given the fact that she was so young and it seemed that she was dealing with PTSD from the way she lost her parents I would have probably realized that she had suffered a psychotic break. I would have definitely required her to be locked up for awhile but in a safe space where she could have someone to talk to. I don't think I would handle it like either of them, I would have protected her from Murphy but I would not have tried to beat him to death or blamed him for her death.

19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone?

I think I would say Kane, he started off terribly in season 1 but he has really grown as a leader and proven himself worthy of the role.

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

Definitely an iPod I need my tunes

21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia?

I would definitely have caught the virus and most likely would have gotten ridiculously ill

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

If I was a grounder I think I would go full shaved head or awesome faux hawk. As for tattoos I would want a full sleeve on my right arm filled with pictures of my home. Then I would want a quote that took up most of my back. As far as warpaint goes I think I would want it to be like fingerprints of my loved ones just displayed on my cheeks.

23. Favorite quote?

“I belong nowhere”

-Echo

“You were right Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving”

-Lexa

“In peace may you leave the shore. In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels until our final journey on the ground... May we meet again.”

-Clarke

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?

Honestly no and yes, I can forgive both of them because everyone in the 100 does terrible things. However, at the same time its really hard for me to ever forget their mistakes and it makes me second guess their characters a lot.

25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? NOOOOO ALREADY SO MUCH DEATH NOOOO

When Lexa was alive I would have said Lexa, she could fight and she had brains. However, when Lexa died I would say Luna, frankly we all know that Octavia winning that fight was absolutely bullshit.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC

least favourite ship would probably be…Javen, no just no.

Favourite ship: Sea Mechanic, it never happened and it should have god damn happened they were perfect for each other. I also would be up for Braven now, I  am not a massive Bellamy fan but I LOVE them in scenes together.

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

I would love to hear Hiide and Seek by Claire Guerreso or Run Boy Run by Woodkid.

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

I think Murphy and I would have some fun times together.

29. Opinion on Emori? Roan?

I could leave or take either honestly.

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way?

Sign me up, any death in any way. I would totally love it. Can Lexa come back to push me off the balcony.

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

I always liked the idea of flashbacks to Lexa and Anya when they were young/training/etc., I also would have loved to see Lexa/Costia and how their love story worked.

32. A character you’d bang?

Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin, Lexa, Luna, Octavia (she would have to keep her mouth shut thought)

[scuttleboat]

If you're still up for it, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on what Bellamy's overall journey will be this season? Aside from, y'know, his whole (imo, unnecessary) redemption arc.

note: written after 406 

I think we’re in the middle of it, and one of the things that has been somewhat frustrating is that it’s kind of muddy what either Clarke or Bellamy’s character arcs are going to be. We’re halfway through, but neither of them have developed much or changed much since 403.  Octavia’s loss seemed like it would be significant but we still don’t know what the fallout will be for Bellamy.

Redemption in The 100

The concept of redemption is something that I think we as viewers have been hashing over since the first truly terrible things began to happen in season 2. We ask: 

Do these characters need to be redeemed? 

Is a redemption happening on screen?  

Even if we (the fans) may not think a “redemption arc” is required to like a character’s storyline, does that character themselves feel that they need to be redeemed in order to sleep at night?

What are the benchmarks of a “redemption arc” anyway, since it’s a thing that everyone talks about, yet seems to mean radically different things to different viewers.

Do we measure it by the religious ideas of penitence, atonement, etc? Or is there a pop fiction criteria for redemption that is unique to media, such as ‘feeling bad and doing something good so that the viewers are okay rooting for you again’?

Is a “redemption” possible in the accelerated timeline of the show, since on other series such a thing spans seasons or even the run of a series?

Why is everyone so sure that redemption arcs are happening or necessary?

And the one that gets to me:

Does the show even care about redemption as a storytelling trope, or is it enough in this world just to change one’s behavior?

That’s the one i think about a lot, wrt to characters like Bellamy, Lexa, Clarke, Kane, Jaha… who I’ll draw on since they’re some of the people with the highest body counts who are POV characters. With Clarke, she was devastated after 216, and she disappeared into the woods for 3 months. I think it was a conversation I had with @reblogginhood (so informative! she knows things.) last year about whether this period of forced isolation (similar to her year in the skybox) was her atonement for the deaths she allowed or caused in season 2.  In that case, her guilt was such that she seemed to need to punish herself, and the timeline of the series allowed for it.  

Lexa is a different case altogether: she tried to slaughter the kids at the dropship, she betrayed her allies and left them to be cannibalized, including the person she was falling in love with.  And yet, Lexa never displayed any indicators that she was undergoing a redemption arc, or even that she felt obligated to undergo one. I don’t think betraying Skaikru was a light decision for her by any means, and I think when she decided to protect them in s3 that it was a genuine move. Yet she never wept for the loss of life she caused, she never broke down and screamed and cried over her guilt…it wasn’t even clear that she felt any guilt at all. Responsibility yes, guilt no. She was a divine king doing what she need to protect her realm.  

Kane is another character who seems to feel, like Clarke, that atonement is required for ill deeds. He tries to sacrifice himself at the end of season 1, but Jaha “beats him to it”.  So Kane submits himself to the enemy in a dangerous self-sacrificing gesture in season 2, as his way to atone. That can be read as his redemption… maybe. Or is his redemption not the sacrifices, but actually the acts of good works that followed later? Was Kane’s redemption (for being part of a tyrranical Ark government) actually the choice to become a leader who acts in good faith, wisdom, and honor? Maybe he’s living that redemption every day, doing his best.

So maybe a character either thinks they need to atone or they don’t, what does “the narrative” think?  HA. TRICK QUESTION.  No one knows but JR and it’s up to us to read it and think it over. Fuck JR, go with “death of the author” if you want. In fact, I want to throw 2 definitions out here before I continue. These are, of course, overly simplistic explanations for complex theological and philosophical concepts, but it might help:

atonment - noun

satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.

(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.

Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.

redemption - noun

an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.

deliverance; rescue.

Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.

atonement for guilt.

recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

For a lot of fans on a show this violent and this philosophical, there’s been discussion that a redemption comes “too soon” or isn’t “earned” if there isnt an act of atonement. Or sometimes people say the word “redemption” but they seem to be discussing atonement instead. paying for it, making amends, etc.  And often people talk as if the only way to “be redeemed” is by suffering.  There’s also, however, the concept that redemption comes through good works.  That we make amends for our misdeeds by choosing to do better. There are some acts that are too big to atone for, or there’s no one left to make amends to, and in that case one has to look instead to changing one’s behavior.  Making the choice to change.

And that’s brings me to Bellamy this season… [read more below the cut]

In 401 Kane told Bellamy to take it one day at a time (paraphrasing). Instead of obsessing about the past, make sure you do the right thing going forward, and this will ‘save’ you. While I know the Kane speech didn’t land well with everyone, in the abstract it’s a pretty well travelled philosophical idea. [[I don’t have the education to really get into it, but it’s a big part of some Christian dogma, for sure. I don’t have any education in Judaism but since JR is religious I’m sure that may factor in. And it’s part of American culture, which is where I (raging atheist) have absorbed it by osmosis.]]  When it comes to Bellamy’s character in season 4, especially with regards to a possible redemption… I think Bellamy wants very badly to atone. I think he has wanted that since 311-313 when he finally accepted that his actions were wrong according to his moral perspective. 

However, Bellamy is a very practical person. He doesn’t have time to run into the woods and atone in silent suffering. He doesn’t have time to go on a quest into the desert with 12 disciples looking for the promised land. Bellamy is cognizant of the immediate danger to his loved ones, so he’s going to act to protect them before he’s going to think about indulging in huge dramatic gestures of his sadness. Haters might want him to suffer but that’s just not realistic for this show. The most he can afford right now is to try to talk about his feelings (like to Riley and Echo in 405) or to put others before himself (like not wanting to be on the survivor list). There’s also the pressing matter that even if Bellamy were to do a big sacrificial gesture to atone and to earn redemption through suffering… that won’t help his sister live, and making sure Octavia survives matters a hell of a lot more to Bellamy than his self-image.

So is Bellamy going through a “redemption arc” right now?  Maybe. I don’t think he’s going through atonement, but I do think he’s trying to make wiser choices each day. I think he’s committing, as best he can, to save as many people he can each day (402), and he’s hoping that he’ll find some distant redemption by doing that. (if he’s even consciously thinking of it in those terms, which isn’t at all canon spoken, btw, so he might not be. He’s not trained in ethics or theology.)

What I think Bellamy is going through this season so far is a guilt arc.  He was in it for the back half of season 3, and he’s still in it. As things stand right now, I would like to think that his speech to Useless Riley in 405 was a wrap-up fo that. I felt guilt was pretty appropriate in 3B and starting season 4, since the writers have been trying to write their way back from their dumbfuck execution of his arc in 3a, but if he stays mired guilt for all season 4… that’s pretty one-note. I’m ready for that part of his character to move to the backburner. Not go away (lol this is The 100 after all), but no longer be the first bullet point on his character sheet every episode. I was with it up to a couple weeks ago, but this is mid season now!  I get it, Bellamy feels guilty.  Cool beans, BUT WHAT ELSE?  It’s definitely time for the writers to give him more to do emotionally.  As it is, though, I don’t think the show will let Bellamy move on until they let Octavia move on. That’s how it goes with the Blake siblings– when Octavia forgives Bellamy, he’ll be more able to forgive himself.  And that’s a totally fucked up thing to hinge one’s personal development on someone else…but these are the Blakes. They have a fucked up relationship. And before anyone asks, I’m not gonna get into whether it’s likely for Octavia to have or need a redemption arc because she’s is still in her emotional descent, and we don’t know what the other side is gonna be yet. Her collapse is in process.

To circle back around… I think one could make a really sound argument that  some characters see redemption as necessary (Clarke, Abby) and others don’t (Lexa, Murphy). So I don’t personally think that @the100writers feel it’s necessary every time. I think they’ve written a whole cast of people doing bad things, and some of those people are going to feel they have to make up for their mistakes, while others don’t. Whether or not that matches with what fans want to believe about their faves (Bellamy, Lexa, Murphy, Clarke) is always going to be up in the air.  IMO, it’s in-character for Bellamy to want to make amends, but it’s a fact of their world that he doesn’t have the opportunity. So he’s doing what he can one day at a time. Whether or not other fans think his actions require guilt or amends–and whether or not such things are being successfully shown on screen–is down to how we each interpret the show, and what unique circumstances we bring to our viewing experiences. In that vein, macro perspectives about whether giving a particular storyline to a particular character is an act of contributing to sex- or race-biased storytelling is also going to hugely depend on what what each viewer brings to the table, because not all of us see the same patterns at work.  And it runs into the storytelling reality that characters in spotlight roles means that they’re going to be faced with conflicts, negative circumstances, and ethical dilemmas. There’s supposedly no good guys on this show, so that means all of our faves are gonna do–and endure–terrible things.  Kill the idea that anyone here is a cupcake.*  People are going to die and people are going to kill, even people we think should be portrayed as noble or good. So it’s up to each viewer to look critically at a work of fiction, and talk about it, while at the same time understanding that at the end of the day no individual show or book or film is going to be everything we want, politically.  Whether or not we keep watching when a personal line is crossed is up to each of us to decide.

btw I think a lot of my opinions here about Bellamy’s s4 arc have been shaped by discussion I’ve had this season with other fans, so thanks for talking to me about Bellamy angst. Especially @mego42 and @storyskein and @velvet-tread, and more.  Talking to y’all is enlightening and makes me reconsider things all the time.

[firstade-universe]

Healing

It was six weeks before anyone who knew her heard from Clarke Griffin after she walked away from her people at Camp Jaha. She had experienced a lot in that time from becoming a decent hunter to learning Trigedasleng to dealing with the events of her life on the ground. She never believed in the five stages of grief until she went through all of them and then reflected on them in the sixth week.

Denial was the shortest stage for her. It mostly came in the morning when she hoped everything was a dream, or rather a nightmare. She was almost hyper aware of what she had done. What she had to do. The first few days, she was almost constantly in the river trying to scrub the non-existent blood off of her.

The anger she had was mostly pointed at Lexa. Lexa who abandoned her. Lexa who made a deal to save herself, save her people. Lexa who left them weakened, left her weakened. If Lexa and the grounders had just stayed, maybe the people of Mount Weather would still be alive.

The bargaining was mostly in the form of ‘if only.’ If only I was more patient. If only I hadn’t been in charge.

The longest stage for her was the depression. She didn’t hunt for days on end because she had no desire to eat, or felt it was an adequate punishment for her. They aren’t alive to eat, I shouldn’t be either.

Slowly, that self deprecation faded. They were going to kill my people, my family. I did what I had to do. She began to hunt and eat daily.

After five weeks she found herself in a little trading outpost, owned by a grounder girl and her father. She had been there before, it was where she traded her larger kills for other supplies. The girl, Niylah, informed her one day that the new legend of Wanheda, the conqueror of the Mountain, Commander of Death, had spread across the lands of the Coalition. It was also said that after Wanheda toppled the Mountain, she disappeared into Azgeda territory to train to be an assassin so she could take her revenge on the Commander.

“That doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, Niylah.” Clarke, well Niylah knew her as ‘traveler’ replied bitterly.

The slightly older girl shrugged. “Why would she though? Heda did nothing wrong. I mean from how the story is told anyway. Surely, a great leader such as Wanheda sees that as well.”

“Heda abandoned Skaikru.”

“Heda made a deal ensuring the survival of her warriors and the release of her people in an attack with a clan she owed no loyalty. A clan that already killed a great number of her warriors. Surely if the Skaikru was in the Coalition, Heda would not have taken the deal.” She only clenched her jaw in response, not willing or able to fight the argument laid before her.

Clarke left the outpost that day with a lot on her mind. She could not sleep after that conversation.

I made this choice with my head, not my heart. Lexa’s words from that day resounded within her. She laid awake for several hours, thinking about the decision she would have made if the role was reversed. Two days later she returned to the outpost and asked Niylah how to get to Polis.

--

“If there are no more grievances to be brought before me, you may all be dismissed.” Lexa flicked her gaze through the people in the crowd who started to exit the room. She caught a glimpse, like she had imagined many times over the past six weeks, of blonde hair poking out just under someone's hood. She could not see this person's face, but they were not moving out of the room like the rest either. “You too, Titus.”

“Sha, Heda. Oh, I received word that Chancellor Griffin from Skaikru will be arriving tomorrow morning.” The advisor whispered to her before he turned to stride away. She only nodded in response, not taking her eyes off of the still stationary person. Titus was the last one to exit the room. Neither person moved or spoke until the door clicked shut behind him.

“Clarke kom Skaikru. I have been looking for you.” Slowly she watched as Clarke peeled back the hood and then slowly looked up at her.

“I was looking for me too.”

Lexa frowned slightly. “I hope you search was much more fruitful than mine.”

Clarke stood silently for a moment before answering. “At first, I found a monster. Caged, angry and broken.”

Lexa rose from her throne and stepped toward her visitor. “I never meant to turn you into that.” Clarke put up her hand gesturing for her to stop.

“Then I realized the burden you bare as a leader is heavy. You make decisions for your people. You are only responsible for your people. That's why I forgive you, because you did the right thing for your people, and I forgive myself because I did the right thing for mine.”

The Commander stood silently for a while, unsure of what exactly to say. “It seems you have began your healing. How can I help?”

Clarke shrugged. “You invited me here that night, remember?”

“I remember everything about you, Clarke.” Lexa admitted almost too proudly.

Clarke smiled slightly. “Show me Polis, Heda.”

--

“Clarke?” Lexa called from the doorway of the room she assigned to her visitor.

“Come in.” The blonde was on the balcony, looking out over Polis.

Lexa entered and closed the door. “I forgot to discuss something with you after our outing today. Well, two things really.”

“Oh? What's that?” Clarke didn't turn around, instead choosing to look out at the landscape.

The brunette came to a stop at the railing, mirroring the blonde's position. “Well. First, your mother will be here tomorrow. I wasn't sure whether you were ready to return to your people yet.”

Clarke turned her head and met Lexa’s gaze. “Not yet. If it’s alright with you, I was hoping to say here in Polis a bit longer.”

Lexa nodded and gave her a very small smile. “Very well. Would you like to see her though? There is a rumor spreading rapidly that Wanheda was killed by a panther. I'm sure she would be grateful to hear from you.”

“I'll meet with her, but only her if you can manage it.”

“I am Heda, I can manage anything.” Lexa joked.

“Really?” Clarke rolled her eyes playfully. “What was the other thing?”

“In two weeks time I will be making my annual trip to the other clans. It usually lasts about four or five weeks. Since you are to stay here in Polis, I was wondering if you would possibly care to join me?” Clarke nodded eagerly.

“It should be an interesting trip. Azgeda wishes for me to bow before their queen. I am Heda, I bow to no one.”

--

“Thank you for your time, Heda.” Marcus Kane stated as he, Bellamy, Octavia and Abby prepared to leave the room. The meeting regarding trade had been a productive one and Skaikru was well on their way to earning their spot in the Coalition.

“You're welcome, Skaikru. Chancellor, may I have a moment alone with you?” Bellamy and Octavia, who still were distrusting of Lexa narrowed their eyes at her.

“Of course. You guys go ahead and head down to the city. I'll meet you shortly.” Abby instructed, moving back inside the meeting chamber. Everyone grumbled under their breath as they moved out. “Have you found her? Is she okay.”

Lexa rose from her seat. “I have and she is, physically. Emotional, she is… healing.” She strode across the room and slowly opened a door leading to the next room. Abby followed her with her eyes.

“Where do I find her? I need to see her-”

“Hi mom.” Clarke made her way into the meeting room and was quickly wrapped in a hug.

“Oh. My baby.” Abby pulled back with teary eyes and cupped her daughter's cheeks. “Let me look at you.”

“I'm okay mom.”

“How long have you been here?” Abby asked looking over to where Lexa had been but finding only empty space.

“I asked her to leave us alone. I've only been here since yesterday.”

Abby gave her a watery smile. “I was so worried.”

Clarke nodded. “I know, but I'm here now, I'm safe. And I. Um. I'm going to stay her for a little while. I'm not really ready to come back yet.”

Abby looked disappointed for a moment, but nodded anyway. “I am so proud of the person you are, the leader you've become. I love you.”

“I love you too, mom.”

--

“Okay, my turn. If you could have one food anytime you felt like it, what would it be?” Clarke looked up from the drawing to see Lexa patiently awaiting an answer.

“Hmm. I think it would be blueberries.” Lexa nodded as if to say her answer was acceptable. “If you had to choose one thing to do over again, what would it be?”

Lexa sighed softly. “The one thing I regret is not something I would be able to do differently if I had the chance.”

“What’s that?” Clarke eyed her curiously from where she sat in the small chair across from Lexa on the couch.

“Well, I regret that I broke your trust in me. Would not change my actions at the Mountain but I wish I could spare that.”

“I told you I forgive you.” Clarke offered genuinely. “Just please, don’t do it again.”

“Please stand up.” Lexa asked softly and Clarke tilted her head in confusion, but did as she was asked. Lexa knelt in front of her and looked up. “I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people. I swear this on my title as Heda of Kongeda and on my life.”

The young blonde’s breath hitched in her throat as she watched the display of submission. She offered her hand, a silent gesture for Lexa to stand. When the brunette was fully upright, Clarke stepped into her space and closed the distance between their lips.

--

“Clarke, how was your riding session?” Lexa entered the room where Clarke was perched on a small stool in front of an easel. When she didn't receive an answer, she walked over to the blonde. The parchment was covered in vibrant blues and depicted the glowing butterfly field. “Clarke?”

“Oh. Hey. Sorry, I was really focused. Did you need something?”

“I asked how your riding session went. We leave for Azgeda in three days time.”

“Oh. It was okay. I am pretty confident now.” Clarke smiled. “Do you like it?”

“I do. It makes me wish to show you many other beautiful things on our trip, so you can recreate them. You are very talented.”

Clarke rose from the stool and stretched her limbs. She turned to find Lexa looking at her with what could only be described as adoration. “You know what else I'm fairly confident in?” She didn't give the Commander a chance to answer before she leaned in a pecked her on the lips. “I'm fairly confident there are better things we can be doing besides dancing around our feelings for one another.”

--

As they visited each clan, Clarke learned something new about being a leader, about herself and about Lexa.

While visiting the Broad leaf clan, she learned there is never enough time for everything, no matter how hard you try. She learned she really likes chicken and Lexa really like flowers.

In Rock Line she learned that good leaders can form solid friendships and still respect each other as their title warrants. She learned Lexa was really, really good with kids and that she hoped for peace to last for her lifetime so she can be the first Heda to have children. She also learned that she wanted that for Lexa too. In the Shallow Valley, she learned that not all requests made by others of their leader were reasonable. She learned that basket weaving was incredibly harder than it looked and that she really, really loved seeing Lexa smile. Even if it was at her own failure.

In Blue Cliff Clan she learned that language barriers were just that, barriers. They spoke a different dialect there and she understood very little. She learned that Lexa does this cute thing with her nose when she really doesn't like the food offered to her, and that if Lexa makes that face, she probably won't like the food either. While visiting the Plains Riders she learned that some people just down right sucked, and you have to figure out how to work with them anyway. She learned that she had been trying to ride her horse all wrong this whole time, and that Lexa could look graceful doing anything. She unexpectedly learned that Camp Jaha was now Arkadia, and they had found survivors from Farm Station, who refused to join their people’s settlement because of the trade relationship in place with the grounders.

In the Glowing Forest she learned how important it was to place the right people in charge. Lexa loved strawberries, and Clarke loved kissing Lexa after she ate said strawberries. In Delphi clan, Clarke saw how a significant age difference could affect leader interaction. She learned she did not like thunderstorms at all, but she did like how Lexa held her through them. Lexa liked it too.

While visiting the Lake People, she learned that sometimes being the one in charge means squashing interpersonal squabbles. Lexa had a lot of fun with those and reenacted them later that night while giggling uncontrollably. She decided that was her favorite version of Lexa. When they finally got to the Boat People, Clarke got a lesson on balancing priorities. Lexa really does not like not being on land. She has to agree with that.

In Azgeda, she learned that forgiveness and acceptance are two very different things. As a leader, you should be hyper aware of this. She also learned that sometimes, even Lexa can have an emotional breakdown. Clarke learned that night that she is a reciprocating crier. When they finally got to Trikru, Clarke was exhausted. She felt grimy and gross. While in TonDC though, she learned that sometimes it's okay to criticize another leader, respectfully of course. She learned Lexa had a younger sister, Beth, who died when Lexa was five. Clarke decided it was time she visit Arkadia.

--

It was eight weeks from the last time Clarke saw her mother until she and the Commander rode up to the gate. “Are you sure about this Lex?”

“I'm sure. Are you sure?”

Clarke sighed. “When I left here, I left as a monster who only brought them war and suffering.”

“You see it that way. I don't think they do.”

“Yeah, we’ll see.”

Lexa sighed. “Even if they did think those things, you aren't returning in such a manner. You are returning as a hero who brings them peace.”

“You bring them the promise of peace. I can promise nothing.”

“You are extremely stubborn, Skaiprisa.” Lexa sighed again. “Ai hod yu in.”

Clarke smiled softly. “I love you too, Lex.”

Lexa ordered the guard to hold as she and Clarke dismounted their horses and walked to the gate.

“Clarke!” Bellamy’s voice resonated through the air. “You're alive!”

Lexa and Clarke exchanged confused looks as he and a few others run toward the gate. He eagerly wrapped her in a hug lifting her off the ground, which caused Lexa to grow tense.

“Put me down Bell. I am happy to see you too.” He did as he was told. “Why wouldn't I be alive?”

“There's been a rumor circulating that you were killed by a panther like a month after you left.”

She looked to Lexa. “Really? That was never squashed?”

“You have been out of hiding for some time now. I don't know how word has not made it out to your people.” She shrugged.

Abby appeared then. “Clarke!”

“Mom!” Abby wrapped her in a hug and mouthed a thank you to Lexa, who nodded. She then turned and walked away.

“Where are you going?” Clarke yelled after her.

She stopped and turned back. “To tell the guards to make camp. I will be right back, hodnes.”

“Did she just-” Octavia’s question was cut off by Lincoln's hand covering her mouth.

“So, Clarke. Where have you been this whole time?” Bellamy questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

“First, I was in the forest for about six weeks. Then Polis for two. Then I accompanied the Commander on a tour of the twelve clans for the past six.”

“You've been with the Commander for eight weeks and no one thought to tell us?”

“I knew.” Abby admitted. “That's why I was asked to stay behind in the last visit. That's why I shut down your search parties for her. She didn't want to return here yet, and I didn't need you all brooding about it.”

“So in the past three and a half months we've been here, building our society, what have you been doing?” Bellamy, who was now obviously angry at being out of the loop, nearly growled.

“Healing.” Clarke shrugged. “And learning. I learned a lot on our visits to the other clans.”

“You’ve basically been on vacation? I pulled that lever too Clarke, I didn’t run from my responsibilities.” Bellamy raised his voice.

“It wasn’t your idea. You weren’t responsible for that choice. You physically pulled it, but it wouldn’t have even been an option if it wasn’t for me.” She squared her shoulders, like she had seen Lexa do so many times over the past eight weeks when confronted by another leader. “It wasn’t a vacation. And you clearly didn’t need me here.”

“We’ve made progress yes. But we did need you. I needed you.”

“What about what I needed!” She shouted. “Why does everything have to fall to me? Why do I have to help you heal? Why do I have to do everything? Why don’t I get to grieve?” She punctuated each sentence with a shove. She watched as his eyes softened at her words, obviously hearing the pain behind them. She turned toward the gate to make a break for it, but collided with a strong body instead.

Lexa leveled a glare at Bellamy before returning soft eyes to Clarke and whispering. “Are you okay, hodnes?”

“Sha. Mochof, niron.”

“Do you need a moment?” Clarke nodded and Lexa moved past her to Abby. “I would like to discuss a few important matters with you, Chancellor.”

“Of course, Commander. Follow me.”

--

“So that’s it. There is a ceremony to welcome us as the thirteenth clan.” Abby explained her meeting with Lexa to the leaders amongst them.

“The other clans are okay with this?” Kane asked hopefully.

Abby sighed. “A few of them are apprehensive, but it seems Clarke wasn’t just some bystander on the trip she and Lexa took. She held meetings with each clan, got to see their land, their resources. She knows our tech and knowledge base, so there is a baseline for trade already established.”

“What’s the catch?”

“There is no catch.” Clarke announced from the doorway pulling everyone’s attention. “However, if Pike and his group continue to be hostile, Lexa could set a kill order. You attack one clan, you attack them all. Right now, they have wounded twenty three Trikru and killed four. She won’t let it go on much longer, and if you help them in any way, that would be a betrayal to the coalition.”

Abby nodded solemnly. “Also, Clarke will be acting as the Ambassador for us in Polis, which she has been doing anyway for the past two months. I see no need to change that now.”

Bellamy looked at her with surprise. “You aren’t staying here?” She shook her head.

“It was my idea and for now, that’s what I feel is best.” Abby looked to Octavia. “She will need a guard. I have cleared up the matter of Lincoln’s kill order with the Commander. She assures me that if you accept my offer, you both will be treated well in Polis.” Octavia nodded once.

“Is that true, Clarke?” Raven asked curiously with a raised brow and a smirk from her seat. “Are you treated well in Polis?”

“I am because it’s Polis. If you’re implying that it’s Lexa who treats me well because we are in a relationship, well, you’re not wrong.”

--

Many issues came to pass in the time when Lexa kom Trikru served as Heda. Broken alliances, new threats from outside lands, sickness, drought and a radiation event. Clarke and Lexa survived it all side by side. In fact, they celebrated a union ceremony two summers after they met. Lexa was the first Heda to be married. They even raised two adopted children from a Trikru village. They lived long lives and after Clarke passed, Lexa lived only hours more. Her spirit chose wisely in the new Commander, her grandson Alex kom Tri and Skai, who carried on her legacy of peace.

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 46: Sᴄᴇɴᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Cʀɪᴍᴇ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Forty-Six

Following some substantial effort, I had managed to stop Harper’s words from swirling around in my mind by the morning. All that remained was a heavy confusion over Bellamy’s hot and cold behaviour as of late and I struggled to make any sense of it. 

When I arrived at the meeting point for my training with Octavia, I was stunned to find that she was absent. In all of our days together, she had been strictly devoted to the plan and had been diligently awaiting my arrival at every session. I sat tapping my knee anxiously for a while and when it became clear that she would not be coming, I wandered through the courtyard with confusion. I discovered that Bellamy was still in his room as I stepped inside and he met my eyes with an expression that indicated he had been searching for me. He rushed over to greet me whilst I stared back at him in surprise. 

“There you are! Didn’t you get my message?” He asked with a hint of irritation and I cocked a brow at him. “Your training with Octavia is cancelled today, we’ve got an assignment and I thought you’d want to join for it.” He started cryptically and I stared back at him with a lurch in my stomach. “We’re going to Mount Weather.” He revealed and I noticed that he observed me closely with an obvious concern.

“What?” I breathed as I battled to contain the wave of shock that crashed over me and he made a sympathetic expression. My legs felt weak as I processed the idea and my breathing became sharper.

“Kane’s cleared us to go to Mount Weather. There’s plenty of supplies there that are going to waste, he wants us to start bringing them back to camp.” He clarified as I stared open mouthed with a feeling of dread in my stomach. Although I could understand the logic of this plan, the very concept of returning to the location that held horrifying memories for almost every resident of camp was too large to fit in my mind. “Look, if I got this wrong and you can’t handle it, you don’t have to come Indie. I just...I thought that it might help you to face it.” He explained with a nervous voice and I finally recovered enough of my composure to nod fervently at him. I swallowed the terror and fixed a determination into my voice.

“No, you’re completely right Bel, I need to put this to rest.” I agreed in reaction to his insecure addition. A dazzling smile spread across his face at my words and I felt a surge of comfort at the sight of it. “How do I convince Kane to let me join?” I enquired as I began to build my confidence internally and set my mind to the task. I couldn’t allow myself to become distracted with the list of reasons that this plan was a bad idea that my brain was compiling. 

“I’ve already arranged it. You and Octavia are the official guard support.” He revealed with pride evident in his voice and I smiled at him in amazement. “I know, I’m awesome. Now hurry up and get ready, everyone else is preparing to leave.” He ushered me inside with an urgency and I rushed to gather my things so that I could follow him from the room.

We attended the armoury together and Bellamy took the time to check that I was thoroughly equipped before we were joined by the prying eyes of the rest of the unit. I smiled fondly at the way that he fussed over me and after his bizarre antics in recent days, I enjoyed being the subject of his protective nature again. When we entered the hanger where the guard group was gathered, I was surprised to find a far smaller crew than the last outing. I took a moment to consider that some of the originals must not be recovered enough to embark on another mission yet. Instead, I found Octavia, Monty, Raven, Miller and Harper waiting with smiling faces at our entrance. For a moment, it felt like old times as we glanced at each other and I felt a surge of optimism for the mission. We finished gathering supplies and endured a short briefing from Kane and Abby before we were finally allowed to leave the camp.

It was a gruelling journey to the place that I had been rescued from barely weeks ago. Due to the fact that I was unconscious during the return to camp, I hadn’t realised the distance and I gained a new appreciation for the challenge that it had been to assault the facility. As we strolled through the endless trees we filled the time with idle chatter and it was strangely peaceful to be surrounded by those closest to me. Monty revealed that he had left Jasper in Knox’s care and I found myself hoping that he was kinder to the poor kid than he had been to either of us.

As Bellamy announced that we were near the entrance now, I felt a fresh set of nerves build in my stomach and I was pleased when he dropped to the back of the group to slip his hand into mine in a gesture of reassurance that I sorely needed. Any other members of our group who had been held inside the mountain became shifty and awkward too; Harper in particular seemed legitimately stressed and I smiled when I noticed Monty subtly placed a hand on her arm to steady her. As the oversized bunker door crept into view, I struggled to contain a wave of terror that caused me to break into trembling all over and Harper paused to gag between the trees. The others waited patiently whilst we took a moment to compose ourselves and Bellamy positioned himself to block me from their view so that I could recover without an audience.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Love?” He enquired with his brows furrowed deeply in concern and I nodded in response, despite the fear that blossomed in my chest. “You don’t have to go in there if you’ve changed your mind, or if it’s too much. You’re in control here.” He asserted and I smiled at him fondly with a deep appreciation for his careful wording. I was impressed that he had chosen to ensure that he empowered me and as he observed me attentively, I felt my nerves slowly minimising back under my control in the safety that he radiated. When I next met his eyes, I displayed a new determination and he smiled proudly at me. “Alright, I’ll be right there the whole time, you’re safe.” He soothed, before turning to rejoin our friends. “Let’s get this over with.” He announced as he led us toward the door and I took long, slow breaths on the approach.

The moment that we entered the facility, the first thing that we noticed was the pungent smell of death. Harper barely managed a few steps inside, before she ran back out to vomit and I frantically covered my face with my hands in a desperate bid to prevent myself from following suit. Bellamy snatched the rag from his belt and wrapped it over my nose and mouth, without any consideration for his own discomfort. Even Octavia could not contain her reaction, despite her well practiced controlled exterior and the group quickly ensured that they all sourced something to cover their faces with. 

The familiar halls and spaces contained horrors that rivalled even my nightmares as almost every room contained bodies in various stages of decay. It was abundantly clear that none of us had prepared for this issue and we spent a gruelling few hours dragging them outside to burn. It was thankless work and I found myself wishing that we had been provided with a larger group for this particular task. 

Once we had cleared the dead, Bellamy announced that cleaning of the bunker could wait until the next outing and we gathered around a map of the facility to strategise. We divided ourselves into smaller groups and planned to each search a different area for the necessary supplies. Monty and Harper teamed up for communication devices or other useful technology, Miller and Raven beelined for food whilst Octavia was assigned a list of priority medications from Abby. Bellamy and I were left to search for weaponry and as we all split with instructions to regroup, I was relieved to have a moment alone. I turned to face Bellamy as I dropped my facade of calm and he assessed me with a clear anxiety in his expression.

“How you doing Indie?” He asked with a soft tone to his voice and I sighed as I fidgeted on the spot. There was an overwhelming nervous energy flowing through my body as I battled to remain focused on the task rather than the panic that lurked at the back of my mind. It took constant concentration to hold myself together and I willed myself to complete this mission without having a full breakdown of any sort.

“It’s surreal to be here, especially with you.” I grumbled quietly as I fiddled with my hands and he smiled supportively. “This is where I grieved for you. And yet, here you are, standing in front of me as if none of it happened. I guess it just starts to feel hard to tell dreams from reality, you know.” I explained and he nodded at me with a patient understanding that was comforting to witness. He stepped closer and took my face in his hands carefully.

“Let me help.” He whispered as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my forehead and I felt myself relax slightly at the warmth of his touch. “That feel real to you?” He asked with adoration glistening in his eyes and I stared into them with a swelling in my heart. I nodded bashfully, earning a smile from him as he took this as incentive to continue. He graced his lips delicately on one of my cheeks, before trailing his way teasingly past my mouth to the other cheek. “How about that?” He breathed against my skin and I nodded again as I gulped in anticipation. “Good. Final test, is this real to you yet Indigo?” His voice grew gruff and raspy as he found his way to my lips and although he was holding the heat between us at bay with his cautious movements, the connection of his kiss blew the breath from my lungs.

I had expected by now for his effect on me to have waned somewhat, or at least to have lost the extremity of it’s edge, but as we stood in the very halls where I fell into him for the first time, I felt the same overwhelming, world spinning thrill as I did then. Whenever he kissed me, it was grounding and his devotion always blew any fear away, as I knew that I couldn’t have imagined something as incredible as this. When he finally stepped away, I felt far more equipped to deal with the situation and I smiled at him with appreciation that came directly from my heart.

“Definitely real.” I commented smugly and he chuckled before he took my hand to lead toward our assigned role.

“Okay, let me know if you need to check again.” He remarked with a wink that made my heart flip. 

We searched several areas that we had highlighted as potential storage for weaponry and gathered a small selection of items from each as we continued from room to room. Bellamy stepped into our final location first and fiddled around in search of a light switch, whilst I kept my attention on him so that I wouldn’t spiral into panic. Whilst I waited, it occurred to me that he had purposely chosen our task around avoiding dorms or any of the common areas and I was once again struck with how considerate he was of my needs. As the lights flickered into life on the ridiculously high ceilings,  I realised that we were in a hangar sized space that was crammed with weaponry that overflowed from the shelves and I turned to face Bellamy in open mouthed shock.

“Holy shit! Jackpot.” I hissed as he stared around in amazement. He took a few careful steps into the room and I followed with my eyes roaming the shelves. Although logically I knew that this bunker had been designed to survive and endure, it was shocking to discover this level of preparation. We wandered aimlessly through the stacks of shelves until we emerged to an area where large shutters waited behind an unfamiliar vehicle and I glanced back at Bellamy with an exhilarated smile. “You think it works?” I crooned with an excitement that was clearly contagious and his eyes twinkled with hope.

“Let’s find out.” He suggested as he rushed toward the driver’s door and I ran to the passenger side with my heartbeat pounding. The doors opened easily to our surprise and we slid into the seats. Bellamy immediately began searching for a set of keys whilst I was distracted by the large area in the back that could easily accommodate our group and a substantial amount of salvage. 

“We could take so much more home with this!” I exclaimed as I turned back to the front and felt optimism filling the space that my anxiety had inhabited until now. I hadn’t expected to find anything this helpful inside the mountain and found myself feeling thankful that we’d taken this risk. Bellamy pulled down the sun visor and released a set of keys that dropped toward his lap. He caught them mid air with a flourish and fixed me with a dazzling smile. 

“It’s a good day, Love.” He stated with a cheerful tone that made my stomach fizz and I relished in his joy. As he fiddled to insert the keys, I clocked him with a worried realisation and felt the return of some anxiety.

“Wait a second. Do you even know how to drive?” I enquired with concern and he paused momentarily at my scrutiny. A wicked smile spread across his face and I felt my stomach lurch in dread. This was a familiar expression that I knew was usually closely followed by some kind of reckless decision and I was unsure if I could handle this side of him today.

“Eh, how hard can it be?” He stated and I cocked a brow at him suspiciously. He turned the keys confidently in the ignition and the engine grumbled to life. I gasped at the victory whilst he held both fists up in celebration and we high fived in a shared moment of excitement. “Alright, what have we got? Accelerator, brakes, yeah I’ve got this.” He mumbled aloud as I assessed him nervously.

“Calm your jets, Bel. Are you sure this is a good idea? Maybe we should just wait for Raven, I bet she could give us a full crash course.” I reasoned in a calm manner and he rolled his eyes at me. For the first time since our original camp, I felt as if I were boring him with my attitude and a tingle of nostalgia crossed my chest.

“Have a little faith Indie, I know what I’m doing.” He asserted with an overpowering confidence and I viewed him sceptically. “Buckle up.” He instructed and I rushed to strap myself in as he prepared to test whether the vehicle could still manage any movement. “Are you ready for the ride of your life?” He winked as he spoke and I felt a flutter of nervous butterflies as I nodded back with my hand tightly clinging to the handle above the door. “Now, if I just-”

I hardly noticed what it was that caused the car to spur into action, but before he could even finish his sentence the vehicle surged forward and crashed a set of shelving to the ground in a clattering noise that sent its contents flying. Bellamy’s head bounced lightly against the steering wheel, rousing into action ancient airbags that exploded dust clouds over the pair of us and I yelped in shock.

“Oh my god! Oh my god, are you alright?” I asked with a wave of terror as I frantically examined him and when he met my eyes, I couldn’t contain a snort of laughter at his bewildered expression. In barely moments we had descended into hysterical cackling and each of us fed the others uncontrollable fits. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I could barely catch my breath as he guffawed back at me. I realised that we had never had the chance to share playfulness like this before and I treasured the innocent pleasure that beamed across Bellamy’s face. 

When we could finally calm ourselves enough to speak, he peeked out at the chaos that he’d caused through the windscreen, then returned his attention to me with amusement dancing in his eyes.

“You have to cover for me. When the team gets here, say it was you who drove into the shelving and dented the brand new vehicle we just found.” He instructed in his best attempt at any authoritative voice and I raised my brows at him with a scoff.

“Hell no! This is gold! This is all you, baby.” I defended with the lilt of laughter still clear in my voice and I wiped at my damp cheeks. Although I’d been pleased to share this experience with him, I partly wished that anyone else had been here to witness it as he tried to shift the blame.

“Come on Indie, this is my reputation we’re talking about! I’m their unit leader.” He pleaded and I felt myself easily slipping into giggles again at his embarrassment. I could only imagine the expressions on the faces of the trainees if they realised that their leader was an overconfident goofball and felt a new appreciation for the fact that I had the privilege to experience this side of him.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you went all Evel Knievel on it?” I snorted and he reached over to playfully jab me in the side, only causing me to laugh harder.

We managed to move the vehicle back into its original position and assessed that other than some minor marks on the bonnet, there were no obvious signs of damage. I assisted Bellamy in replacing the shelving and items, before he radioed the others to inform them of our discovery. He instructed Raven to come to us for a full assessment of the vehicle before we could increase the amount of supplies we gathered. We brushed the dust from our clothes and attempted to clear each other's faces, despite the mutual distrust about whether we’d truly got it all. The air bags were practically impossible to return correctly but Bellamy was adamant that no one would ever have to know that they’d gone off.

Once Raven had recovered from the thrill of discovering the vehicle, she confirmed that it was likely to be able to manage the journey back to Arkadia, but asserted that it would need some work once home. She busied herself with seeking out the parts needed for the repairs whilst Bellamy and I arranged a larger stack of weaponry to place in the boot. Deep in the shelves, I worked through the items to ensure that I collected a mixture that would give us an advantage and startled as Raven crept up beside me.

“So, about that rover...I noticed that the panel on the airbags is broken, and it’s pretty dusty in there?” She spoke smugly and I gave my best effort to shrug innocently. She thinned her eyes at me and I felt myself gulp involuntarily. “You two been going at it instead of working?” She crooned and my eyes widened dramatically.

“No! That’s so gross Raven!” I hissed under my breath and a satisfied cackle escaped Raven’s composure. “Let’s just say that I think it would be best if you drove us home.” I reported with a playful wink and I noticed that her expression dropped slightly. I tilted my head at her in confusion and she released a long sigh.

“I can’t. The walk here was already too much for my stupid leg.” She admitted bitterly as she avoided my gaze and I kicked myself inwardly for being too focused on my own anxieties to notice her struggle. I reached out to put a hand on her arm and was pleased when she reluctantly met my eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay, next time for sure.” I asserted and she nodded slowly. “In the meantime, I think we’d all appreciate it if you could give Bellamy some pointers.” I hinted and she smiled at my insinuation. I glanced around to check that we were alone and dropped my voice so that I couldn’t be overheard. “He crashed it into the shelves earlier.” I revealed and was relieved when she returned to laughing. It was always difficult for me to witness Raven suffering and I made a mental note to check on her more frequently in future. 

Bellamy’s voice carried across the hangar as he returned with the others and we regrouped to finish loading supplies into the back of the rover. Raven seized the opportunity to instruct Bellamy under the guise of confirming that everything worked as it should and I was thankful for her subtlety for a change. There was a buzz of excitement in the air as we piled into the rover and I could practically feel the relief in the group that we wouldn’t have to walk. Bellamy turned the key in the ignition and I made a point of fastening my seatbelt whilst smirking at him. 

“Not a word.” He grumbled as a warning and I struggled to suppress a smile at our in-joke.

“I didn’t say anything.” I breathed with a wide smile that forced its way onto my face and I noticed that his lips twitched upward too.

I was relieved to find that Bellamy’s driving was far soother now that he had spoken with Raven and it was actually a pleasant journey through the woods as the others chatted casually in the cramped back seats. There was a strange sense of peace that filled the overpacked space and as I looked into the rear view mirror, I noticed that even Octavia had relaxed into the warm atmosphere. 

We drove for hours until Bellamy started to seem confused and we descended into bickering as I made my best effort to direct him with a painfully simple map of the area. I didn’t even notice that the rest of the car had fallen silent to listen to us until Octavia called out to assist Bellamy with her knowledge of the area. As we moved off again, Bellamy glanced over at me sheepishly and I clenched my jaw in a huff.

“Christ, this is like the real road trip experience, mom and dad arguing in the front.” Miller commented idly from behind and rapidly the tension disappeared as I could sense every person in the vehicle struggling to suppress their amusement. 

“Are we nearly there yet?” Harper groaned dramatically as I kept my eyes trained on the passenger window in an effort to hide my expression. 

“Mom, dad, I have to pee.” Raven announced to further fuel the group who were quickly falling into an exhaustion fuelled, playful delirium. 

“God, Raven, you’re the worst. That’s the fifth time.” Monty crooned in a convincing tone and I could hardly believe that this conversation was gaining momentum.

“I have a small bladder, leave me alone.” She defended bitterly as her voice cracked and she began to laugh. The energy that bounced between them was almost palpable in the small containment of the back compartment and I felt a pull of sentimentality as I processed how pleasant it was to be able to share humour with them.

“I’m hungry, can I open the snacks?” Octavia asked in a whinier voice than I’d ever heard her use and I rolled my eyes at her dramatic performance as Bellamy peeked at me out of the corner of his eyes. I could feel that he was as delighted by their enjoyment of this time together as I was and we shared a subtle smile at each other.

“Mom, Miller hit me!” Harper called, causing the entire group to break into vivacious laughter that filled the vehicle with warmth. I couldn’t recall a time where I’d heard them behave in such a manner and I could no longer resist indulging in the playful atmosphere.

“Stop distracting your father or you’ll all be going to bed early.” I scolded as I finally caved to their childish game with a wink at Bellamy and he chuckled to himself.

“Hey!” Bellamy called authoritatively and they all flinched in surprise as their attention turned to him nervously. “You better behave back there or so help me god, I will turn this car around.” He ordered with a blatant smirk spread across his lips and the others cheered at his participation.

“What about you two, going to bed early?” Raven crooned with a suggestive wink and I threw a bread roll at her head from the bag at the front.

The rest of the journey passed in a blur and several members of the group fell asleep in the back. Bellamy occasionally glanced over at me with a fond smile which I couldn’t help returning. It was a strange outcome for a day that began full of dread to be one of my favourite days since we arrived on Earth. I peeked into the rearview mirror to observe my peacefully sleeping, ragtag family huddled together in the back and smiled in contentment. In this moment, I felt that life truly couldn’t get any better and I found myself finally starting to accept my new reality. 

***

The sound of conversation and laughter filled the air as we relaxed in the metal seats under the night sky. There was a feeling of intense satisfaction in the camp tonight after a particularly delightful meal made with the food from the mountain and I had been thrilled to discover that Miller had snuck a plentiful supply of alcohol into the back of the rover. We had promptly set about creating a simple bar and a terrace area in the camp upon our return. As Harper, Raven and I drank in a chilled state, I felt pleased that we had chosen to install this area and noticed several other members of camp settling nearby.

“To us!” Raven announced as she lifted her cup and we all toasted. “We are the heroes of food and booze.” She added with a smirk and we chuckled at her brazen attitude. We’d been here for a while, observing the bustling activity of camp whilst we caught up on petty gossip and Raven, as usual, downed twice the amount of drinks as Harper or I. She had already given Harper a thorough grilling on Monty, from which I’d had to rescue her before Raven caused any long term trauma. I sighed in contentment as I glanced between them and now that she was well warmed, I decided to use this opportunity to attempt to pry information from Raven. 

“So, Raven, a little birdy told me that there was a potential suitor around whilst we were away.” I began in a smooth tone and Harper sat forward in interest. Raven tensed slightly as she viewed me with a deep suspicion.

“Oh really? And who told you that?” She asked with a pout that revealed her displeasure in my knowledge of this and I thinned my eyes at her. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t mentioned it and her avoidance of the topic only further fueled my interest.

“Nice try, but I know better than to rat out my sources, especially to you, or they’ll never tell me anything again.” I teased as I sipped my cup with a resolute expression and she rolled her eyes. I could only imagine what she would do to timid Knox if she knew that he had been gossiping to me and I decided that he did not deserve such a fate.

“Don’t avoid the question, you weren’t this shy when it came to grilling me!” Harper stated as she addressed her with a wink and leaned closer to examine her. “Now, spill the tea.” She insisted with a jab which Raven flinched away from her in annoyance. It was fascinating to watch their developing friendship and I hoped that Raven might accept her support eventually as she had mine. From the reports of others in the camp, she’d been making quite the attempt to isolate herself recently and I knew that it would take consistent work to undo that.

“There’s nothing to spill!” She whined in a voice that was entirely the wrong pitch for her and I knew immediately that she was lying as she shuffled in her seat. “Why do you even want to know?” She enquired defensively and Harper scoffed under her breath.

“Such a hypocrite!” She hissed as she crossed her arms at me and I chuckled at her reaction. I had known Raven long enough to recognise her tight lipped attitude when it came to sharing anything she didn’t want to and I smiled knowingly at Harper before turning my attention to our avoidant friend. If I were going to prize this information from her, it would take some well planned tactics.

“I’m a concerned friend, I need to check that whoever it is deserves you.” I explained in an almost convincing tone as she cocked a brow at me.

“Bitch, have you ever known me to drop my standards? I know my worth.” She asserted, before she leaned forward to assess me in a movement that made my stomach lurch. I recognised the glint in her eyes and tried to steel myself for a counter attack. “Besides, if I’m gonna part with that kind of information, I’m gonna need something in return.” She began with a smile and I felt my spine straighten in response. I knew immediately that I’d made a mistake by challenging her and tried to seem unphased by her demand.

“Oh, here we go.” I muttered as she observed me like an animal studying its prey. Already I regretted initiating this conversation and I hadn’t even heard her price yet.

“I wanna know what it was like when you finally got it on with Bellamy, give me the details. What’s he like? Does he have any kinks? Was it rough, or is that all just bravado? Ooh, how big's his dick?!” She spurted out the questions in rapid fire and my cheeks grew red at the same speed. Harper choked loudly on her drink and it poured out of her nostrils as she struggled to catch her breath.

“Raven!” I scolded as my mouth dropped open in shock and she smiled in a manner that indicated she was thoroughly pleased with herself. I glanced over at Harper for assistance, who had now finished drying herself off and was peeking between us with riveted interest.

“This outta be good.” Harper muttered and I sighed in disappointment at her betrayal after my earlier support of her. I made a mental note to allow Raven to question her to her heart's desire in future.

“Don’t be a prude!” Raven remarked as she rounded on me again. “Is it big?” She asked with absolutely no shame in sight and I squirmed in my seat with a gulp. “Oh yeah, looks like he would be big. Your face says it is.” She teased and I covered my face in humiliation whilst she cackled wickedly.

“You know, until now I’ve never wished that I died in Mount Weather.” I groaned as I squinted back up at the two of them and although Harper smiled apologetically, Raven simply shrugged with a complete lack of any remorse. I had always known that she was able to embarrass me at any time, but it was clear she was demonstrating the full power of her ability to teach me a lesson.

“Your face is almost blending into your hair there, lover.” She commented as she sipped on her drink with a smug expression. I decided in this moment that I would need to develop a far thicker skin before I ever attempted to corner her again. 

“Just cause you’re my friend, that doesn’t mean I won’t kick you in the face.” I spat as I twitched toward her threateningly and she simply held her middle finger up carelessly.

“Oh jesus Mel, give it a rest.” Harper muttered as we both regarded her in confusion. “Talk about barking up the wrong tree.” She added as she indicated to her side and we followed her eyeline to Bellamy. He was standing in the courtyard chatting to a young, brunette girl who seemed particularly more invested in the conversation than he did. I felt my stomach lurch slightly at the way that she batted her lashes at him but ensured that it didn’t show on my face as Raven turned back to consider us with a cold expression. 

“Yeah, she’s definitely trying it.” She drawled with an obvious annoyance that she shared with Harper as she met her eyes and I was warmed by their defensiveness on my behalf. “You wanna sort that out Indie?” Raven suggested with a gesture over her shoulder and stern eyes.

“It’s fine.” I remarked as I forced a smile and tone that I hoped was casual. “Bellamy’s a big boy, he can do whatever he wants.” I stated with a shrug and studied my drink in an effort to avoid their reactions. There was a moment of silence as I could sense that they were deciding how to address my apparent lack of interest and sighed as I expected to be scolded.

“Is he a big boy though?” Harper muttered under her breath and I gasped as my eyes snapped back up to her suggestive smile with shock.

“Harper!” I cried in outrage and playfully slapped her arm. “Jesus, I expect that kind of savagery from her but not you!” I scolded as I fought to contain a smile and returned my scowl to Raven. “You’re a terrible influence, you know that?” I accused and she simply shrugged, before she glanced over her shoulder again with a growing disbelief.

“You’re just gonna let that be?” She grilled and my attention flitted over to find Mel touching Bellamy’s arm fondly as he shifted in a subtly awkward gesture that probably would’ve been unnoticable to anyone else. I felt a pang of annoyance at her ongoing efforts but tried to remind myself that Bellamy hadn’t made any commitments to me, nor had I requested any, so I felt that I had no right to be upset. “She’s literally doing it right in front of you.” Raven groaned as she observed their conversation with a disgusted look.

“I don’t think she even knows who I am, Raven. She has no idea not to do it in front of me.” I commented idly and realised that Bellamy didn’t even seem to be aware that we were here. Raven cocked a brow at me sceptically. “What would you suggest?” I asked in exasperation and as she assessed Mel with a darkness in her eyes, I immediately regretted my invitation for her twisted ideas.

“Me? I’d slap her about.” She stated in a cold tone as she took a long sip from her cup and gave a meaningful expression.

“Shit, Raven!” I hissed as my mouth dropped open in disbelief and even Harper flinched at her words. This was extreme even for Raven and I began to realise that our time apart had changed her more than I had cared to address yet. 

“She’s just a dumb kid, we’ve all been there.” Harper breathed in a sympathetic tone and Raven rolled her eyes in disappointment at the two of us.

“Baby, if you don’t want to tell him to behave, I get it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t scare her the hell off.” She presented her case with a clear belief in the validity of her wisdom and I scoffed at her simple logic. “Look, all I’m saying is that I’ve tried to be the cool, understanding girl who just waits for my guy to pick me and look at where it got me. I should’ve taken Clarke out of the picture when I had the chance.” She avoided my gaze as she stared down at her hands and her face was filled with bitterness. I watched her with a deep sympathy but before I could say anything, she cleared her throat and forced a smile. “How about this: I’ll hold her down and you punch.” She suggested with a deviant wink and I stared at her with wide eyes.

“Okay, you know what, I’m sensing a hint of bitterness, and a serious anger problem and...hmm...you getting cut off for the night.” I declared as I leaned forward to snatch the drink from her hands before leaning back to gesture to the bartender that she was done and he gave a thumbs up in confirmation. “Thank you.” I chanted as I tipped the drink into my cup and she crossed her arms at me.

“Wow, I thought we were friends.” She blurted in an accusing manner and I chuckled under my breath.

“We are friends! And friends don’t let friends drink and drive...their life into the ground.” I spoke with a flourish of my hands for emphasis and she groaned in disapproval as she moved to a standing position.

“Whatever, I have a stash in my room.” She spat as she stumbled slightly on the spot and I scanned her unsteady posture with a worried smile.

“You’re a menace to society, you know that?” I drawled whilst she simply yawned at me to imply that I was too dull for her interest. “You sure you can even make it back there in one piece?” I enquired with a lightly teasing tone and she scoffed loudly at my question.

“Fuck you.” She groaned and although Harper shifted awkwardly at her aggressive tone, I caught a sly wink before Raven shuffled away in a veering journey towards the Ark.

“Don’t worry, she’ll get over it. She just needs to sleep off the temper.” I confirmed with a smile as I sipped from my cup and Harper visibly relaxed at my confirmation. 

[buddhisminsnowpiercer]

Welcome to My Final Project!

A Note: On the left, you'll find links to each of the major pages in this project. Clicking the black box to the far left will bring you back to this page. In theory, the best way to view this project would be to read the introduction here, then in order, visit 'Plot', 'Symbology', 'Confucianism', and 'Bodhisattva', and then to come back here to read the conclusion and references!

Introduction

Snowpiercer (2013) is an internationally acclaimed action film directed by South Korean director Bong Joon-ho and based on the French graphic novel Le Transperceneige (1982) by Jacques Lob, Benjamin Legrad, and Jean-Marc Rochette (Scott, 2014). Grossing nearly $100 million worldwide, the film is best known for its graphic and gritty visuals as well as star-studded cast featuring Chris Evans, Song Kang-ho, Octavia Spencer, and Tilda Swinton, among others (Pomerantz, 2014). The film, Bong’s first English language work, has been received exceedingly well with critics on Rotten Tomatoes giving the film an overall 94% positive rating (Rotten Tomatoes, 2020). Snowpiercer, with its numerous grisly and stomach-turning scenes, would perhaps be the last film in which one would look for Buddhist themes. However, underneath the violence and gore, Bong’s film displays clear Buddhist and Confucian influences that elevate the film from being yet another dystopian action film to a philosophical one that criticizes humanity’s obsession with obtaining and maintaining power.

Conclusion

On the surface, Snowpiercer appears to be yet another reimagining of a dystopian future, filled with all the violence and gore that one would expect from such a film. However, below the surface, Bong’s work is much more complex and contains many themes that can be attributed to both Buddhism and Confucianism. These themes, illustrated through both the characters and the visuals, transform the film into a harsh critique of today’s modern, materialistic society and leave viewers with a tangible sense of uneasiness, forcing us to reevaluate our own desires as well as our complicity in a system that is built on injustice.

References

Bong, J. (Director). (2013). Snowpiercer [Motion picture]. The Weinstein Company.

Kweon, D. (2013). Buddhism: A Very Short Introduction. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Kyoto National Museum. (2020). Huike Offering His Arm to Bodhidharma. Retrieved June 09, 2020, from https://www.kyohaku.go.jp/eng/syuzou/meihin/suibokuga/item06.html

O'Brien, B. (2018, July 14). Guide to the Buddhist Hell Realm. Retrieved June 09, 2020, from https://www.learnreligions.com/buddhist-hell-450118

Pomerantz, D. (2014, September 08). What The Economics Of 'Snowpiercer' Say About The Future Of Film. Retrieved June 09, 2020, from https://www.forbes.com/sites/dorothypomerantz/2014/09/08/what-the-economics-of-snowpiercer-say-about-the-future-of-film/

Rotten Tomatoes. (2020). Snowpiercer (2014). Retrieved June 09, 2020, from https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/snowpiercer

Sadakata, A., Nakamura, H., & Sekimori, G. J. (2009). Buddhist cosmology: Philosophy and origins. Tokyo: Kōsei.

Scott, A. (2014, June 26). Stuck in Steerage for the Postapocalypse. Retrieved June 09, 2020, from https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/27/movies/in-snowpiercer-the-train-trip-to-end-all-train-trips.html?partner=rss

Simpson, E. B. (2020, March 30). Week 1: Introduction to Buddhism and Other Continental Traditions. Lecture.

Strong, J. (2008). The Life Story of the Buddha and Its Ramifications. In The Experience of Buddhism: Sources and Interpretations (pp. 1-48). Belmont, CA: Thomson/Wadsworth.

Theme from glenthpvs.tumblr.com