#discouraging??? i guess for lack of a better word to write stuff and then not have people engage with it on ao3

[clockwork-ashes]

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[maul-of-shame]

Okay so spicy rant because I keep seeing stuff over here and in fandoms and I need to say something 💀

You know what REALLY grinds my gears? People who take it upon themselves to discourage writers, whether they're experienced authors or roleplayers just trying to have some fun. What is it with these self-appointed gatekeepers who think it's their sacred duty to trash anyone else's creative efforts? It's like they've got nothing better to do than sit on their high horses, casting judgment on everything they see, never lifting their pinkies to do anything.

First off: these so-called "critics" who love to bash writing prompts. "This again?" "This prompt is so cliché" Oh, excuse me for daring to use a prompt that’s been around the block a few dang times. Newsflash: originality isn't about finding a prompt no one's ever heard of. It's about what you do with it. If a writer finds inspiration in something that sparks their creativity, who are you to sneer at it? Just because you think it's been "overused" doesn't mean it can't produce something unique and worthwhile.

Guess what, genius? Every single story, from the dawn of storytelling, builds on something that came before. There are no new ideas, only new ways of telling them. If someone wants to write yet another vampire romance or a dystopian saga, let them! The coffeeshop AU with the bartender falling in love with the client? Let's go! The tensed enemies to lovers finally getting on with it? Awesome!! The magic is in the execution, not the premise.

But no, these critics have to swoop in with their unsolicited opinions, acting like they're the arbiters of taste. "Oh, that’s so cliché" "Really? Another story about a lost princess? Who cares?" Listen Linda, if you don’t like it, don’t fucking read it. It’s that simple. You don’t have to ruin someone else’s enthusiasm just because it doesn’t match your narrow definition of what’s acceptable. No-freaking-one is forcing you to read it.

These detractors love to throw around the word "cringe" like it’s some ultimate verdict. Well, what’s truly cringe-worthy is your need to belittle others to feel superior. It’s pathetic. There’s nothing cool or insightful about discouraging someone from pursuing their passion. If anything, it shows a profound lack of empathy, imagination, kindness and just basic decency on your part.

And let's not forget the classic line: "You should be writing something more serious." Oh, should I now? And who made you the judge of what's serious or worthwhile? Writing isn't a one-size-fits-all endeavor, never has been. Some people write for fun, some for catharsis, some to explore their own minds, some to fix the ending of a series, and some to entertain. Every piece of writing has value to the person who wrote it, and often to many others as well.

I just have 6 words to say. Get off your damn high horse. If you can’t offer constructive criticism or, heaven forbid, encouragement, maybe it’s time to keep your opinions to yourself. Writers don’t need your negativity. They need support, constructive feedback, and the freedom to explore their creativity without the fear of being mocked or belittled. If you don't like the prompts, the characters, cool that's your stuff and taste. Doesn't mean you have to be mean about it. You can scroll, block, filter and so on.

In the end, the joke's on you. While you're busy being a critic without a cause, those writers you're so eager to dismiss are actually creating something. They’re putting themselves out there, taking risks, and growing in ways you’ll never understand. And they're brave for doing so. Can't say the same about you. So who’s really cringing now?

[ibtisttime]

The pretty girl with the pretty handwriting.

I've always envied people with remarkable talents. yes I have no shame in saying it. I wasn't jealous, I did actually envy them. I believe we are allowed to feel however we want as long as we do not let it affect other people badly. I never did something to stop them from being so talented or to discourage them and I think that's what matters most.

I bet all of you remember that one kid in class who could either draw, play an instrument so well or even something so small like having a pretty handrwiting. How the teachers obviously liked them more. made sure we all knew how better they were from us for being so talented.

One memory I remember so vividly, is of french class in primary school. see, I've always been the top of that class back then with no close competitor. I was privileged I guess, I have to admit it, for having two very fluent parents and also multiple older siblings that could speak the language so well. Me being the top of the class however, was expected and not something to be celebrated at home. but at school, it was my moment to shine, because there has always been a kid that draws better, one that sang better, and one that could write better. It was the only class where I could feel how everyone admired me so much and wanted to learn from me. kids would line up at the door of my house to get some help with their homeworks or to have me accept being parts of their projects. French class was definitely my favourite class. That until the pretty girl showed up.

I don't remember how or when she exaclty joined our school. Maybe because all of those past memories are so blurred to me now (yes, one of the reasons I am writing is to try and collect all those pieces to help me find out who I was). I just remember it being 4th grade and her being my same height which makes her tower over all the girls in class with me. I remember her being so pretty, having a very pale skin, smooth dark long hair, beautiful dark eyes that barely showed with her bangs, a very slim figure and a very cute voice. Nothing like me, all quite the opposite actually. She was so charming from a very young age. and I believe she naturally knew how to use those charms from a very young age too.

I can't recall wether we were friends or not but I have memory of talking to her in the school's yard and her bringing up kids songs and shows that were so foreign to me. I remember there being a circle of pople around her when she told us about those songs and sang to us.

What I clearely remember about this girl, is french class. I remember to this day how her voice sounded like when she mispronounced basic words in french. or how she called the teacher in a strained cute tone. I mean, I remember her level being so poor.

But one day the french teacher was examining our writing and he noticed hers. he was so surprised, he lifted her copy book and showed all of us how well pretty her handwriting was. He from then on, made her his favourite, always called her to the board to write stuff and praised her every single day. And of course, made sure to remind us every time how better she was from everyone else. And everyone else (me) faded away.

I remeber hating it so much, ever since I was a kid. Why am I being compared to someone who was obviously blessed? why are they better than me if they didn't even try?? I was the one with the knowledge and the grades, why is he better? I was a child, and I was angry. And of course, as any child would do, I just prayed and prayed to magically wake up with some sort of talent, and that talent never came.

I think I realized at such an early age, how important pretty is. and how pretty with talent is so powerful and would always win over hard work. Maybe not always, but very often.

I also realized at such a young age, how I was lacking in both. I just decided at the age of 9 that I was not pretty. I did not have the looks and I did not have the manners and the attitude of a pretty girl, I just knew I didn't. I also had no significant talent that would make me shine more than others. I was very very mediocre. the only thing I had was grades.

So now I find it funny when people ask me why I do not think I'm pretty. Yes I might be pretty, gorgeous even to some. but in the society I grew up in, I am way less than normal, unpleasing to the eye I would say. I just came to know this through multiple experiences. so before anyone just tells me to be confident in my looks and feel pretty in my own skin. they better first undrstand that it is deeply rooted in me. I was conditioned to think like this.

I will for sure grow out of this, I already healed the biggest part I would say. But not feeling pretty is okay. sometimes it can't be helped and needs years and years of work and self acceptance. so people saying YOU ARE PRETTY YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT are just very fuuny and quite delusional even.

[mayflowers116]

@clueless-rarito I can't leave replies on posts (feature hasn't worked for me for years) and I wanna talk about it so this is how I'm doing it.

In short, the general premise is "take the characters, keep their base natures, and swap their roles around- see how different circumstances change who they become (different nurture, if you will- Nurture VS Nature), and see how they respond differently.

I basically started writing this on the night of October 15th (2024), and currently I have a fic 11,000 words long and increasing, along with some extra notes and the like scattered about.

Anyway, time for the AU itself.

This image outlines the current significant, dedicated swaps taking place. Some are more central, others are supplementary, and some are mostly just there for, exploration, intrigue, and their own or others sake.

Tedd & Nanase

This whole thing was actually inspired by this fanfic by @\zeemczed.

Basically, for these two's roles: Tedd was born magically (and physically) gifted, while Nanase has asthma and seemingly no magic ability at all (secretly being a seer) but is given access to transformation tech. Also, Tedd's parents are concerned about magic and want to shield him from it, while Nanase's mother vanished, leaving her with abandonment issues.

Nanase is, in canon, a dork. But she's also naturally cool as hell. Thus, remove that built in cool, add a bit of bullying perhaps and divorced parents, and voila: a massive dork who feels the need to be perceived as cool but has a bunch of issues. Also, she's in denial about being a lesbian (having even been trying to design a "perfect man" using the TF gun). Her best friend is Diane, who we'll get to later.

I guess I should also say, Tedd's dad is still magic FBI man (as is his mother), but both have likely stepped into less dangerous roles. In this universe, circumstance led Edward to give Nanase a chance with the TF tech, same as Tedd got in canon.

Meanwhile, the two of them discourage Tedd from having anything to do with magic, basically only wanting him to learn self defense and that's it. Tedd's interested in doing more than that, obviously. He's arguably had a better life in this universe, but is still Tedd: he's not terribly social (but lacks any kind of developed communication disorder), and enjoys playing games (he also started taking sword fighting lessons, but we'll get to that later). With more stable parents, and a generally more typical social adjustment so to speak, Tedd's less open and versed regarding his "weird" interests (like the idea of maybe sometimes being a girl... or being into furries). He's friends with Lucy and Diane, but we'll get further into that later.

(character relations and some plot stuff with crop up as we go on, and introduce more characters)

Ellen & Diane & Elliot & Susan

Problem number 1: how do I explain Susan and Diane's strange similarities, and how do I put not-similar characters into their roles?

Problem number 2: how do I handle Ellen, who already shares an identical nature with Elliot, and is entirely a matter of circumstance? Also, what do I do about whoever takes Ellen's spot?

Solution: swap the pair with the pair. or rather, shift them around in a circle, because I felt this made for the most interesting arrangement.

Ellen already arguably shares some similarities with Diane in canon, and we've seen a different way Ellen/Elliot could develop thanks to Ellen's second life dreams. This gives us some space to work with when putting Ellen into Diane's role. Basically, she's good willed, likes fighting and protecting others, and has a big thing for protecting her friends (Ashley and Justin; get to it later). She's not the most outgoing (like canon Elliot), and isn't want to change the status quo much, preferring comfortable and simple consistency with life (again, like base Elliot, and significantly different than canon Ellen). She focuses on protecting her friends above all else, and tends to lack introspection (in this universe, no existential crisis). Her role in the plot is to get involved later on, and to eventually learn she's distantly related to Elliot and the direct daughter of Greg the elf. I have no clue what her family situation is like.

Diane takes Elliot's place, putting her in a much more central and early role in the plot, and making for some drastic differences just by personality alone. Diane is very different than Elliot, and will respond to things different- which is fun. She's still adopted, still raised by the same parents AND still has Rhea as an adopted sister, but her family is slightly more aware of magic from early on, and quickly becomes MUCH more aware after Susan is created (but more on that shortly). She's best friends with Nanase (who she protected at school, kinda like her situation with Diane in canon) who's made her a bit more nerdy, and grew up with Catalina (who secretly has a crush on her, similar to canon Catalina with Susan but also a direct parallel to Sarah and Elliot). Like canon, she still dates plenty before the story begins, but might have a different perspective on it, not sure yet. Her most recent relationship (paralleling Nanase and Elliot in canon) was with Tedd (who she met via magic sword lessons; more later), who JUST broke up with her and basically told her "please reconsider how you engage in relationships with other people." I'm not really sure where she'll develop in the plot (she's probably the most exploratory character of the bunch, writing wise), but she's someone I'm excited for.

Then, there's... Daniel, or as he SHE is later called, Susan, taking the place of Ellen. Basically, Nanase accidentally sex-swap-zapped Diane for a month, dewitchery diamond happened, and Daniel was born (also there was a goo monster at school, but whatever). The comic repeatedly depicts an internal struggle between Susan's nature and nurture (with her nature being quite a bit closer to Diane it seems), AND the comic has given Susan Trauma; we see in comic how Ellen responds to the existential crisis that is being a clone with a different body, and as such, I felt it would make the most sense to put Susan in that situation: the same circumstances as Ellen, but a very different response. Diane's duplicate retreats inward, becomes more internal and less social. "Daniel" is also not really able to acclimate to the idea of being a man, and instead presents HERself as a woman, and takes up the name Susan (because reasons I have elsewhere, this is long enough already), while still finding a new way to live her life as someone other than Diane (thus why she dyes her hair black; we wanna strike a balance between differences, and recognizability). I'm not wholly sure where her story leads either, but it's something fun to explore.

Finally, Elliot, in Susan's place. Step 1, divorce; no cheating between his parents (the Dunkels), but circumstance just goes a bit differently and they decide to separate. Elliot of course places the blame on himself, wrongly. Step 2, VAMPIRE! I'm still figuring out lots of details, but in short, he and Tedd got conscripted in middle school to kill a vampire lady, letting him experience the terror of facing potential death much earlier than in canon AND unhealthily develop his hero complex. That's Elliot's thing: he wants to help people. That means never being a problem, never bothering people, never imposing, always self sacrificing, always pushing himself, and lots of other unhealthy habits and mindset stuff, so yeah. That's fun lol.

Raven & Greg

Doing these two next for context.

Greg is the very long lived half immortal child of Jerry. He has magical martial arts skills (it's what Ellen and Elliot inherit), and works as a high school gym teacher. I'm still figuring out some specifics, but there ya go.

Next, Raven. He's human, he's lived a fairly normal life, went to war and came back with a bad leg, a weird magic experience, and probably some trauma. Now he's combined sword fighting (a sport he prodigiously engaged in as a youth, and more later after being discharged) with his weird magic experience to create some kind of magical sword fighting practice. So far, his only successful students have been Diane (who started going thanks to an ex, also because spite), Tedd (who's happy to learn any magic without his parent's supervision), and Lucy (who we'll talk about later). He's not the most important character, but I felt it could be interesting.

To Be Continued

I have more info, I just wanna stop suffering Tumblr's text editor for a while, and do other stuff. I shall return.

Me, writing an EGS Swap AU: "Oh, what if Greg and Raven swapped? That could work, it'd line up well with other swaps, it could be funny... Sure let's do it!"

Me, actually trying to write that swap AU later: "Oh yeah. Raven wanted to be a soldier, but his narrative position prevented that... huh."

[pi-cat000]

Girl who made the night sky: p5

NOTE: so I started writing this again this year but didn’t get very far. Here’s what I wrote if anyone was interested. I might post it on ao3 as well, not sure.

Summery: To return home Shikako splits herself infinitely across dimensions. A fault in one of the splits results in a discorporated Shikako stranded in the Naruto canon-verse.

Part 3, Part 4

Her alarm goes off just as the sun begins to peak between the buildings opposite her apartment block.  Sakura roles over to glare at the thin beam of light filtering through her window, catching in floating dust particles. Somewhere in the dark of her mind Kako shifts with amusement, prodding at her sluggish thoughts, pushing them into a state of awareness.

/Morning./ The word is said slowly, echoing with a lazy laughter. Sakura scowls, flopping over to hit the snooze on her alarm, yawning. She is still getting used to waking up at dawn and is thus completely reliant on her alarm to shake her from her sleep. A real shinobi would have enough control to wake up whenever they desired.

/Practise makes perfect,/ Kako says as if guessing the direction of her thoughts.

“Easy for you to say,” Sakura mutters, dragging herself up and yawning again. There is more idle amusement from Kako.

/Have a good day./

Slowly, the impression of Kako fades into the neutral baseline of just-Sakura, signalling that the other was asleep.

“I will,” Sakura comments in her renewed alone-ness.

Kako now slept during the day, leaving Sakura to her own devices. Whatever that not-dream had been, it had disturbed Kako enough that she now spent most of her ‘awake’ time watching over Sakura while she slept. This left only a few scant hours in the evening for discussion, conversation and hanging out together. Despite only having Kako around for a few months, Sakura already misses the other’s presence. Though their interactions had always been limited, reduced to scattered sentences and the occasional emotion, just having Kako listen to her ramblings or watch as she walked to and from the academy, studied or completed whatever other task she had set herself. Funny how much of a difference just having someone around and interested made even the most mundane parts of life. 

Discouraged by her own solitary thoughts, Sakura contemplates returning to bed and sleeping an extra hour. Not like Kako would know if she did. The notion passes quickly. Kako would be disappointed and the thought of disappointing Kako make her sad. Also, she was pretty sure it was dangerous for her and Kako to sleep at the same time. Sakura’s not an idiot. Even if Kako had yet to outright say it, she could put two and two together. Something bad had happened during the nightmare other than just giving them a fright. 

...

The rest of the morning progresses according to her new schedule. She dresses and packs her bag. With her collection of notebooks steadily increasing, it was starting bulge in the middle. The sooner she figured out how to properly make storage scrolls the better.

Next, she shuffles down to the kitchen, pulling together a meal with the correct amount of nutrients. Now Sakura is waking up before her mom, she has been forced to plan her own meals. Kako had been very helpful in that department, pushing her towards the type of diet she would need to help with muscle growth and keep her energy levels high throughout the day. It didn’t taste particularly nice, but it was functional, and she couldn’t help but wonder if the other non-clan kids knew about this sort of stuff. Meal planning was something they’d touched on in class but not something Sakura had bothered applying to her day-to-day life. Sure, she’d always tried to eat healthy but, like most things ninja related, there was a lot more to physical conditioning than just that being healthy.  It had only been a week but she has already noticed a marked improvement in her daily energy levels.

...

Sakura closes the door her apartment just as she begins to hear her parents start to shuffle around, preparing for their own workday. She takes a second to breath in the cool morning air before heading towards the old academy training grounds.

When she arrives the training area is empty like it usually is. Not a lot of academy students bothered coming out so early, especially not to this training spot which was in an awkward location. She hadn’t even known it existed till Kako pointed it out.

Another yawn.

A long sigh.

Sakura begins her warmup stretches, trying not to let the silence of her own mind bother her too much.

She is maybe halfway through the revised exorcize routine that Kako put together for her, when movement at the edge of the training field catches her attention.

It startles her enough that she almost trips through the final set. If Kako were awake Sakura might have had some warning as Kako was usually the one to sense and alert her to people approaching unexpectedly. Maybe she should work on her spatial awareness or lack thereof. She’ll add it to the list.

As it is, she thankfully doesn’t trip and embarrass herself because the person approaching is very familiar.

“Sasuke-kun!” She can’t help but call an enthusiastic greeting, waving. Sasuke freezes on approach, staring his usual blank stare. He blinks, expression shifting ever so slightly to surprise. Well, as surprised as someone as cool as Sasuke can be.

“Hello!” What were the chances of running into Sasuke outside of school hours? Practically zero. Ino would have a fit.

Saskue about-faces and walks in the opposite direction.

“Wait!” She starts to follow as the other quickly disappears into the trees encircling the training grounds.

“Do you want to train…” She hesitates, slowing, “with me…?”

Does she want Sasuke to see her huffing and puffing as she tries to make it past her tenth lap of the field? Her stamina is less than impressive and Sasuke always placed in her class’s top three when it came to combat and physical ability. She stops following. No way was she letting Sasuke see her like this.

If Kako was right, and she usually was, she would start seeing a physical improvement in another weeks time.

She pouts, trying not to feel too unmotivated.  Maybe…hopefully, she’ll see Sasuke out here again and ask to train then? Then she wouldn’t be a total embarrassment. Yes, a prefect plan. She resumes her exercises. Before Kako had come along, catching up to Sasuke would have seemed like an insurmountable task. Now Sakura’s seen what a real shinobi is capable of and said shinobi believes she is capable of the same things, it doesn’t seem as impossible. Goal reaffirmed, she tackles the rest of the morning with renewed energy.

...

Her day progresses as per usual. Sakura sits in class, takes notes, and revises on past topics when Iruka deviates between teaching and crowd control. When lunch break starts, she takes it as an opportunity to sit around the side of the building and examine her sealing notes. Away from her noisy peers, she has a chance to sort through all the stuff she’s been learning and figure out what questions she wants to ask Kako in those few hours they have together in the afternoon.

“Why do these seals use a bunch of descriptive kanji while this one is just a collection of stylistic lines?”

She mutters to herself, scanning the copies of Kako’s seal and her copies of Iruka’s notes on storage scrolls. The storage scrolls are easy enough to understand. The symbols and lines follow a logical progression, building on the basics she’d learnt while studying explosive tags. Kako’s seal is different…very different. Instead of easy to follow connections between the function and kanji, Kako’s seal is a simple circle, spiral and tomoki. Nothing else…No hint at what the lines might mean.

….

...

/Seal is collapsed…simplified. Needs expanding./

Is Kako’s somewhat confusing answer. After spending most of her lunch, then the following lesson mulling the question over, this is less than satisfying.

“What do you mean by needs expanding?” There is a long pause and Sakura waits for Kako to find the right words and energy to talk. Kako could almost communicate in full sentences now but it was still somewhat stilted.

/Not the full seal…simplified…smaller./

Sakura frowns, staring at her desk. Strewn across it are piles of notes, several bottles of ink she’s been infusing with charkha, and blank sealing paper. She had been half asleep at the time but she vaguely recalls how, on the night of Kako’s arrival, the seal had been a lot bigger, stretching across almost all her visible skin. 

“You mean this is only a small part of the seal and there’s more that I can’t see.” A wave of warm encouragement has Sakura continuing, “No, it’s more than that…all the seal is here it’s just…. just smaller…symbolic of the larger seal.”

/Compressed./ There’s a warm swell of pride like she’s just understood some tricky concept Kako’s been trying to impart

“Well …then how do I study it? How do I un-compress it?”

/An expansion seal./

She groans, “So…I need another seal to look at this seal.”

/Hmmm./

“Let me guess: That’s complicated as well.”

/Basics first./

Sakura rests her head on the desk, sighing.

[tiaragqueen]

Samaritan

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Ghost! Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,7k+

✂ Trigger Warning: Obsessiveness, mention of murder, death, blood, injury

[Edited]

***

I always get brilliant ideas whenever I'm sleepy it's almost inconvenient. There's not much yandere in this one, just an introduction and all. Maybe I'll try to fit the hard stuff later. Meanwhile, enjoy puppy Kirishima!

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“Don’t leave me. I believe, I reach out to you. No ending, you are my hope. Even if I’m struck by rain, even if I’m erased by darkness, feel it without closing your eyes. You are not alone.” - Don’t Leave [Bangtan Seonyeondan]

For the longest time, Kirishima had been lonely. Every day, he roamed the house in search of a company from the little animals that resided there. Mosquitoes rung on his ears like a persistent alarm as he examined the familiar dust coating the furniture. They were his loyal companions. Friends, almost. He wasn’t crazy, but every living thing was better than nothing. Even if the said living thing was cockroaches, who he had the misfortune to encounter occasionally. He didn’t despise them, per se. And yet, there was something utterly distasteful about seeing them skittered from one place to another. He almost wished he was still alive and healthy, just so he could get rid of them immediately.

But, alas, it remained wishful thinking on his part. And nothing pained him more than seeing his reflection in the mirror; translucent pale skin, spiky red hair that used to be reminiscent of flame due to its vibrant color, sharp teeth, and crimson eyes obscured by the agony of being unable to move on. Because he couldn’t, for some unknown reasons. Perhaps, this had something to do with the house.

This was his resting place, after all. A killer had somehow broken in when he was waiting for his girlfriend, Mina, to come. The next thing he knew, he was knocked out of the chair and wheezed on the floor while the murderer watched derisively. He couldn’t recognize their face due to the mask that concealed it almost entirely, but he could see their eyes. They were wide as if they were engrossed in some sick entertainment and refused to look away. It wasn’t until they heard a footfall on the front door did they finally escaped through the window, and by the time Mina found him, it was already too late. The wound on his stomach was too wide to cover, and the blood that poured was too much to handle.

That was years ago, though. He didn’t know if the killer was already found or not since Mina had moved out to live with her roommate and couldn’t bear to visit anymore. But he did know that the injustice of his death was the reason why he was stuck here, floating aimlessly while his friends continued with their lives, unable to peacefully ascend to the next realm because he couldn’t accept it. He couldn’t accept that he was already dead. He couldn’t accept that he was no longer able to chat and meet with his friends and colleagues anymore. He couldn’t accept the fact that this house was his eternal home now if it could be called one.

It was unfair. Life was unfair to him. He was supposed to live long. He was supposed to marry the love of his life. He was supposed to see his future children playing in the yard. He was supposed to die quietly from old age, cradled by his frail wife, not gurgling on his own blood and listened to her wails and frantic shouts.

Except… there was nothing he could do to change his fate, was there? Maybe he’d always been destined to this way, the same way he was destined to be born from his mother’s stomach. He didn’t know. He just… wished it hadn’t come so soon. He wished it hadn’t been so abrupt. He wished he could put up a fight instead of freezing in shock.

Sighing, Kirishima put a hand against the brittle glass and stared outside. The familiar yard greeted him for the hundred times, untended and soaked from last night’s rain. Petrichor wafted through the vents and easily soothed his high-strung nerves, his favorite scent when the musty smell of old wood became too much for him to bear. Lightning flashed sporadically in the bleak sky and thunder resounded somewhere distant, but the rain had yet to fall again.

Lost in his musing, Kirishima failed to notice a strange car parked in the driveway. He blinked and immediately focused on the silhouette of a person who was fumbling with something through the tinted window. Who were they? What were they doing in here? Were they planning to investigate his murder? But the case had been closed a long time ago, and the car didn’t look like it belonged to the police or something. An investigator, then?

Or, maybe, a new occupant?

The prospect of having a stranger lived in his house perked him up considerably. It’d been a long time since he saw someone unrelated to the police visiting him – well, not really. Still, Kirishima wouldn’t let the thought discouraged him from attempting to befriend them. He didn’t know if they were the type to believe in the supernatural, but he hoped they could accept his existence here. Better yet, be his friend. It’d be nice to have someone whom he could talk to freely without screaming or flinching every second.

Kirishima nodded to himself and looked out, curious eyes widening when he saw you stepping out of your car. A girl! That was rather unexpected, but he guessed it was better than nothing. Though, with every step you took towards the house, Kirishima began to worry about his social skills. It’d been a long time since he interacted with anyone, after all. Nobody could blame him if he got rusty, especially around the opposite sex.

Regardless, it wouldn’t hinder him from trying. He prayed you wouldn’t be so jumpy around him.

Beaming, Kirishima moved to the doorstep like an overeager dog waiting for its owner and watched you unloading bags after bags from your car. His brows creased when he saw the fatigue that eclipsed your face and looked down as though disappointed by his unhelpful self. First time seeing someone in so many years and he already let you carry all the baggage alone. What kind of a friend was he?

For the next hours, he hovered over you and tried to assist you by arranging the little things neatly. He wasn’t a clean freak, but a touch of the order was something that he very much welcomed. It was the only thing he could do to alleviate your exhaustion, and as a ‘thank you’ gift for accompanying him despite all the rumors that surrounded the house. Though, he wasn’t sure if you’d heard them.

When you noticed the result, you’d glanced around bewilderedly before shrugging. You didn’t thank him, and yet, the fact that you thought nothing of his ‘work’ strangely gratified him. Perhaps, it was because you weren’t being paranoid like he’d expected you to. Nevertheless, it felt as if you’d patted him on the head or something.

This small help extended to the following days of your stay. From rushing to the kitchen and placed a clean glass on the table when he spotted you rising from the couch to drink, preparing a toothbrush and toothpaste before you slept, to covering you in blanket whenever you shivered in your slumber, he’d eagerly did it all. Sometimes, he’d linger on the bedside and gaze down at your tranquil face.

During those intimate moments, he’d silently thank the stars above for blessing him with such an agreeable companion and caressed the hair away from your eyes. He never got tired of marveling at your visage – sleep wasn’t a necessity for him, and even if it did, how could he reject the chance to admire you from up close? – and he wondered how would you react once you see him. Would you be scared of him? He hoped not. He’d spent so much time with you he couldn’t bear the thought of you actively avoiding him. Not that you could, though. Would you admire him the same way he’d done to you every single day? His cheeks bloomed at the idea as he shyly looked away.

Kirishima had been thinking about revealing his existence, but never once did he realize it. The fear of your judgment was the strongest among many inhibitions, and he found himself unconsciously prolonging the inevitable moment. However, Kirishima knew that he needed to do it sooner or later.

And he finally found the right opportunity to do it when you sat down on the dressing chair one night and stared at the mirror.

“This is stupid, I know, talking to my reflection like this. But…” you sighed. “hear me out. I’ve been noticing strange things, lately. They’re small, but disturbing nonetheless.”

Disturbing? Did that mean you hated his efforts?

“I don’t really believe in supernatural things like that, but if you can show your face to me, I’ll be grateful. Anything to let me know that I’m not going crazy within my first week here.”

Kirishima bit his bottom lip, wondering if he should come clean to you. He knew that he was striving for your approval, for your happiness, because he feared that you’d leave him someday. And he didn’t want that; he refused to be alone anymore. Forgotten by anyone and anything that used to stick with him and merely drifted through periods. He wanted to mean something to you, he wanted to leave a mark on your mind. Anything to make you know that he existed, and yet, he lacked the courage to do so.

However, he didn’t have much time to mull over before you stood up.

“Ah, forget it,” you grumbled. “Maybe I am crazy.”

“No!” Your eyes bulged when you felt a pair of sturdy arms wrapped around your stomach and pulled you to a hard chest. Strands of carmine hair caressed your jaw as Kirishima buried his head on the crook of your neck, desperate to delay you just a bit longer. “Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone, [Name]-chan.”

[evalieena]

35 Questions for Fanfiction Writers

well since dearest @bachint​ asked, here goes nothing!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

well if no downplaying’s allowed i guess i’d give it a 3/5? some mistakes since i’m not a native plus i”m still working on getting my english style better! i like what i come up with all the same, i’ve improved a lot these past two years, and my grammar isn’t that bad i guess?

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to do what developers didn’t do in the first place to make good use of my imagination, to cope with the fact that some characters don’t exist and i will never follow another one of their adventures, to forget about a boring real life...

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

my writing doesn’t stand out lmaooo but i guess i’m always trying to focus on the character’s psychology, struggles and all that, so if someone likes my work, it’s ‘original’ bc it’s usually quite different from the usual stories where there are a lot of dialogues and interactions.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

i’ve been inspired a lot by @welcometogressenheller​ (i wish i could do as well as she does.....), @aceklaviergavin​ (kudos to you even if you never see that post and you probably don’t know who i am), and some others whose name i forgot (sorry!)

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

i didn’t write much but i guess that my latest fics are really nice (There’s No Light In You Anymore, and the whole Faith series on AO3). also my big project “Now That You’re Gone”, i’m glad i’ve been able to write that much for it and i intend on continuing as soon as i find the motivation!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

pain, struggles and all that comes with it as long as it’s in the character’s mind, because beware here you step in a dark space

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

ordinary scenes of life? i always find my writing lacking as soon as i step out of my comfort zone, i’m all for rambling and never-ending pain

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

desmond/descole surely

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

all the good guys (and dimitri allen because i’d love writing about him but i’m? just unable to?)

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

that may come as a surprise! angst!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

a mix of question 8 and 10 and you’ve got your answer

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

professor layton and the shattering secrets!!! i’m so happy of what this AU will look like when i’ll be done writing the following chapters, at first it probably looks annoying but heck i wanna promise anyone who’s reading it that the plot twists are gonna be worth it even though the overall background isn’t that original because i’ve mixed up different elements from other games (aaaand we’re back in our oh-so-amazing comfort zone that covers up a massive lack of imagination)

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

ummm? the vampire diaries maybe? back when i was 10 or 11 lol

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

hands up... pROFESsoR LayTON

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

i didn’t write for many fandoms but back in my younger days i used to do self-insert fics with the vampire diaries cast and it was so odd and i wish i hadn’t just confessed that on my tumblr blog

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

nothing that comes to mind

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

dunno either

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

PL and the shattering secrets! huge canon divergence and one heck of an AU (also its original version is much worse, my mind was going crazy when i was 15)

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

i love reading AUs, writing some requires solid imagination which i have not, but honestly i don’t really mind

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

gen

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

desmond sycamore x his wife / randall ascot x hershel layton (be it romantic or platonic) / randall ascot x basically anyone from the MM i guess though i didn’t write anything about that yet (it’s about to change guys)

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

yea i can’t write without listening to music - any playlist does the trick as long as i like what i’m listening to but usually i listen to sad soundtracks, or i’m inspired by some random lyrics

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

i’d go with challenges bc my horrible ass has very few ideas but i usually come up with independent ideas

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

one shots!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

i don’t remember ;_;

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

i’ve got one OS in mind with randall/layton but i don’t want to be the talk of the town because it’s probably going to be awful? also any other fic including the PL3 crew

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

@welcometogressenheller telling me she believed i was a native!!! i struggle so much trying to improve my writing style in english and i have a lot of insecurities so it was so heartwarming and incredible to read...

also basically any other comment where people tell me they like what i write. i love that writers feel the need to take some time reviewing my works bc i need constant validation

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

well i’ve never really received ‘harsh’ criticism or anything, save for some very rare remarks on my grammar so i guess i don’t know? at first it’s always sad to see that what i’ve done isn’t perfect but i guess it’s impossible to be perfect so i’m really happy that people take some time to underline what looks wrong to them

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

currently trying to with shattering secrets and it’s actually a great way to improve!

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

MERCILESS ANGST

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

i wish i could but it would perhaps be a huge spoiler so i don’t wanna say much about them...

i have 1) annabell sycamore, des’s wife, whose personality fits very much mine. she’s a playwright, spends lot of her time writing and acting in front of des AND WITH des. also she’s a very realistic person and some people usually tell her that she’s being too pessimistic 

2) aurelia from the shattering secrets and on her i really cannot say much... if anyone’s read this far it would be so nice if you could give SS a shot by the way!! 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

desmond sometimes finds happiness but it’s always taken from him

(isn’t that a summary for everything i’ve ever written?)

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i don’t translate my works from my original language to english, i write straight in english. i spend a lot of time making sure i haven’t done any grammatical mistakes, checking the definition and the use of some words i’m not sure about, and sometimes it’s quite a pain and it can be also very discouraging bc i end up believing what i write comes from a random internet dictionary while deep down i know it’s not true but hey what can i say. huge insecurities laid bare here.

(if any reader of mine’s reading this, i apologize)

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

(beware: spoilers for the whole prequel trilogy!!!)

“Hershel Layton was puzzled. A funny emotion to feel for someone who loved puzzles that much, but nothing could ever describe better the way he’d felt for hours now, hours that seemed like ages.So much did happen in the span of a few hours.

First he’d learned his parents could be targeted by Targent, then Aurora had made it clear that she didn’t want to live anymore, all so she could protect them. Then Desmond—no, Descole—had taken the key from her hands, and revealed himself as the dangerous scientist Layton knew him to be.

Then they’d fought. Despair was filling the air, though Hershel didn’t understand what Descole meant when he cried that the Azran legacy was all he had to live for.

And as if there hadn’t been enough betrayals as it was, Emmy was soon to follow. Luke had been abducted. He’d had no other choice than siding with Descole to prevent Bronev from unleashing doom on Earth. Misery didn’t seem to end.

Just when he’d thought he’d finally be able to change things, Descole had been ready to sacrifice himself to save Luke. And then…

Then everything just collapsed.

He held his agonizing brother in his arms; the one who’d wanted so hard to take him down only a few hours back was now confessing, fearing death was on the way.“

[...]

from ‘Six Times Hershel Layton Remembered, Plus The One Time He Didn’t’

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

oops i haven’t got anything more to say but thank you for reading? perhaps?

[loopy777]

RE: WIPs game: so, haru-tylee. that's one of my favorite crackships right there. what's that doing in your WIPs folder?

Ah, yes, that one. This is the piece that taught that I'm completely incapable of writing an in-character Haru.

I know, it's a weird character to stumble over, but it's true. He's just so bland in personality that there's nothing for me to grip onto. I have to write an exaggerated comedic personality for him in some way, or else the words just stop flowing from my fingers. Writing this small piece was like trying to lift concrete. I can write Azula in the midst of a depressed breakdown more easily than I can write Haru just being a nice dude.

As for why I made the attempt, it was for an exchange. One of the specified pairings was Haru/TyLee, and my only experience with it was that moment in the Chibi short. I figured it would be something fun to try, with a dash of some Romeo&Juliet tension, and would let me write more Ty Lee.

Fortunately, after I recovered from having my soul sucked out of my body, I was able to use one of the recipient's other pairings and meet the deadline (Long Feng/Song, and it resulted in a piece I'm still rather fond of).

Looking back at what I've written, it's not anything bad (except the part where Haru is given the assignment; woof, that's some first-draft writing), but it feels like it's missing some of the SNAP that I like to think exists in my better works. I dunno, maybe if I'd stuck with it, I'd have been able to revise it into something pretty good. Some of my best stuff lacked the SNAP until a little editing found it.

Once again, since this is a relatively short thing that I'll never finish, I might as well post everything I have:

Haru wasn't comfortable with the situation from the start.

When he and his father set out to help liberate all the conquered villages in the entire province, sure, he had been completely on board. It was difficult leaving Mom, but she wasn't a fighter, and Haru couldn't stay behind while Dad went on to help free all the other villages. The other Earthbenders had lent their aid to Haru's home, and it was only right to put his own skills to task returning the favor. That was good work. Not only was Haru living his dream of finally fighting back against the oppressors, he was doing it with his Dad, and together they were continuing their Earthbending training.

However, it seemed that there was more to a war than just saving people and fighting bad guys. An actual General in the Earth Kingdom military contacted their rebel group. This general, Fong, was maintaining a base right near the coast, and doing everything he could to keep his mountainous territory from being overrun by the Fire Nation. The messenger explained that Fong had heard of the rebel group's actions, and applauded them, and wished to direct their attention to an even more insidious threat than Fire Nation conquerors.

The Fire Nation was also trying to destroy the Earht Kingdom's culture. There was a traveling group, it was explained, devoted to showcasing Fire Culture in a manner designed to appeal to the common people. Fong couldn't spare the resources to track the group down and "discourage" its members, but perhaps a small network of Earthbender rebels could find the time? Such a favor would also be proof of the rebels' reliability.

That's how Haru and his Dad wound up attacking a circus, of all things, and taking all its members captive after a small skirmish that barely qualified as a brawl. Most had been caught in their tents and carts, and seized without a fight. Some of the Firebenders had tried resisting, but they turned out to be mere showmen, and were easily taken by the experienced Earthbender fighters.

Then, the rebels had to figure out what to do with their new prisoners of war. That's where the trouble began.

*

The noise that night was unbearable. By midnight, the circus animals still hadn't settled down, and no knew what, exactly, to do with them. "We can't just open their cages and set them free," Dad -- Tyro the Indomitable, as most of the rebels called him now -- said to the assembled leadership. "I don't even recognize half these creatures, let alone know if they can survive in this forest."

Haru stepped closer to his dad. "Also, some of them might wander back, and either attack or lead enemies right to us," he said. Around the fire, some of the other rebel leaders nodded in agreement, and Haru had to suppress a smile. He didn't want to give the impression of having a childish need for validation, but after living powerlessly for so long, it was fulfilling to be treated as a man, with respect, by other people that he in turn respected. He had taken to wearing a mustache not to look more adult, but because it felt right.

Back towards the main tent, the screech of what sounded like a Sky Bison-sized bird tore through the night. Everyone around the fire winced. "Well, we have to do something to quiet them," someone said.

One gray-haired woman, part of the original group that had escaped from the same prison rig as Haru and his father, looked at the younger Earthbender. "You're a smart young man. Why don't you pick one of the prisoners and get them to help. Find someone docile who knows what to do with those dusty creatures, and keep an eye on them. You're young and bold, so you can handle it if they try to give you trouble. Maybe one of the captives will be more interested in helping the creatures than escaping."

Haru blinked. He had fought beside all these people, but he wasn't expecting to be handed responsibility for a personal prisoner. That seemed like a job for someone more... ruthless. "How will I know who to pick?"

His dad chuckled. "Look at their eyes. People can hide their intentions, but not their spirit."

Haru nodded, unsure- but ready to accept everyone's faith in him.

*

All of the prisoners were being held in one of the larger tents, seated on the dirt floor.

Haru hadn't picked the ringmaster, because the man wouldn't stop talking, blustering simultaneously about the troupe's innocence and the coming vengeance of the Fire Nation. He didn't pick the man who professed to be the animal tender, because he was a Firebender who had demonstrated some fine control of his element before he had been dogpiled by a team of Earthbenders in the initial attack; besides, the man had an oily quality that Haru didn't like. He didn't pick the strongman because -- seriously -- the guy was huge!

In the end, it was the trapeze artist who Haru thought was the best bet. She had friendly eyes, seemed well liked by the other prisoners, and didn't seem to quite realize that she was a captive of desperate rebels. Plus, she was just the high-wire act, not even a Bender, so it's not like she could cause much trouble. What could go wrong?

"You," he said, pointing at the girl. "You're coming with me."

She blinked innocently, her gray eyes wide. "Me?" She tilted her head to the side, and the ponytail hanging down her back shifted. She alone in all the circus folk wasn't wearing a straight shade of red; her two-piece tunic used tones of pink, and it somehow made her seem less like an enemy and more like a girl.

Of course, that kind of thinking could lead to trouble. Haru might be a teenage boy, but that didn't mean he had to let his own hormones goose-pigeonhole him as some kind of sap. Dad and the others were counting on him, here. "Yes, you, miss. The animals need to be fed. Do you know how?"

Her face positively lit up with a smile that included her eyes. "Oh! Yes, I know all the animals here! You wouldn't believe how many we have, from all over the world! The bear even knows how to walk the tightrope, just like me!"

Haru frowned. "Bear? What kind of bear?"

She winked. "A platypus-bear, silly. What kind of bear did you think?"

Haru ran his fingers through his mustache. At times like this, he found himself not quite used to the feel of it. "Let's... let's just get going."

*

"And this is Mister Screechy Feathers! He likes cabbages!" Ty Lee frowned. "Actually, now that I think about it, all these animals like cabbages. Well, except for the meat-eaters. I guess cabbage is the universal animal food? Or maybe we just get cabbage at a discount? I wonder who we buy it from..."

Haru decided that it was a good time to interrupt the acrobat and get her back on task.

Again.

"Well, wherever you get it," he said, "let's give some to him and move on. How many heads does he get?"

"Four. I think. Or maybe that was the platypus-bear. Oh well, we have plenty. We'll let him decide." With a giggle, Ty Lee trotted over to the wagon and began piling heads of cabbage under her arms.

Haru watched her carefully, maintaining a chi-connection with the Earth below his bare feet. She seemed harmless enough, but he was ready in case she decided to dash away. Of course, watching her body and her movements so closely, he was acutely aware of what a pleasant image she projected. She was a very pretty girl, and she didn't act like she was a prisoner. Dust, she didn't even act like she was Fire Nation. She was happy, and friendly. She was lighthearted in a way that Haru had forgotten could exist, in any nation.

Was this really the kind of person who could be trying to erase the Earth Kingdom's culture?

Then Haru realized he was staring, and that Ty Lee had noticed. "So, uh, what kind of animal is... Mister... Screechy Feathers?"

"A vulture-griffon," she cooed. "Isn't he cute?"

Haru looked over at the creature -- with a body like a jungle cat, the wings and gangly head of a buzzard -- then back at Ty Lee. He looked over again at the vulture-griffon, then back at Ty Lee. Vulture-griffon. Ty Lee. Griffon. Ty Lee. "Um, I can think of cuter things in this tent, right now," he found himself saying.

"Oh? Like what?" She leaned forward, and gazed right into his eyes.

Haru suddenly had trouble remembering what spoken language was.

That's when she threw a tight fist out at him and punched him hard near his shoulder.

Haru stumbled back, biting back a cry of pain, and tried to raise his hands into a defensive stance. Only one of his arms actually obeyed, and to Haru's growing horror, that came to a quick stop when Ty Lee leaned over and struck again. He stumbled back, more from his continuing state of shock than the pain, but the acrobat stayed with him, swept a leg to catch his own, and pushed at his chest.

Haru fell, and then reality suddenly went away.

*

Ty Lee felt just awful about the way Haru hit his head. She hadn't meant for him to step backwards and fall like that. Weren't Earthbenders supposed to especially stable, or something? Ty Lee thought she remembered learning something like that, but even if her recollection was correct, who knew if it was actually true? Lots of things Ty Lee had learned at the Academy turned out to be mistaken.

Still, she was nothing if not adaptable! As long as Haru was unconscious anyway, she might as well drag him off where no one could find him. That was part of her original plan, anyway, and she so rarely made plans that she might as well stick with this one.

Of course, her original plan also said she was supposed to tie Haru up and then go tappity-tap all the other Earthbenders by herself, so maybe she could make some changes as she went along. Princess Azula had said many times that it was okay. In fact, Ty Lee was pretty sure Azula said that the best plans were the ones that changed and got better.

Maybe. Or Azula said that her brother, Zuko, was a moron because he always changed his plans as they were happening. One of the two. Maybe both. Actually, this was pretty confusing.

Focus. Ty Lee carefully hoisted Haru up over her shoulders, and quietly carried him over to the back of the tent, where the hay-bales were piled up to make a kind of isolated shelter.

"Rrrrawk!" said Mister Screechy Feathers.

"Shhhhh," Ty Lee hissed. Honestly, that vulture-griffon could be so cranky sometimes. Although, Muzan was a pretty cranky Firewhipper himself, so maybe that rubbed off on all the animals he was in charge of training and feeding.

She got Haru over to her hiding place easily enough, and laid him down on a bed of loose hay. Now, her plan said she was supposed to restrain and leave him, but what if he had a concussion? She didn't want him hurt. Or dead! That would be awful! He was nice enough, for an enemy, and she could tell from his aura that he had a strong sense of family and honesty.

So Ty Lee sat down beside him, and hoped he would wake up soon.

*

Haru couldn't tell how much time had passed, when he came to. He had a tough time telling that he was conscious at all, actually.

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @burninghoneyatdusk​ (she/her) What are you working on right now? Right now I’m prioritizing prompts for the Bellarke Writers for BLM Initiative, which is a mix of new prompts and requests for WIP updates. I just posted a chapter update of my fic Voices in the Water, which is a canon-verse/everyone is a grounder arranged marriage AU with a bit of a twist, and next I’m working on a new prompt. After that, I’ve got three chapters of All Because of You  requested. All Because of You is a modern AU with bellarke as *platonic* coparents. The story is told in alternating flashbacks and present day (every other chapter). The flashbacks focus on them growing closer during Clarke’s unplanned pregnancy and the present is seven years later, where they have to come to terms with their feelings for each other when Clarke gets engaged to someone else.

What’s something you’d like to write one day? I would love to publish a novel one day. For years I had a YA dystopian/time travel trilogy kind of planned but I poked too many holes in it and want to start from scratch in that regard. Another novel I want to write is one that covers three generations of women, looking at mother-daughter relationships, women in society, generational trauma… a lot of stuff. It was inspired by learning about my grandmother’s life more and thinking about how it impacted her relationship with my mother, and in turn my mother’s relationship with me.

For fanfiction, beyond my current prompts and WIPs, I have two other fics outlined. One is an AU inspired by the movie Plus One. The other is a soulmate AU that’s a bit dark and involves immortality, magic, and essentially Bellamy as a villain with a redemption arc.

What is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I think All Because of You will probably remain my most popular, but right now I’m most proud of Voices in the Water. More so than my other fics, it has a more concise plot and I’ve done a deeper dive into Clarke’s character as an Azgeda assassin and I think the reader really gets into her head more than my other multiple POV fics. It’s also my first canonverse fic and I’ve enjoyed diving into that world and expanding upon it where I want.

When did you first start writing fic? I didn’t start writing fic until the beginning of 2019. I first published in February 2019, which was Homesick (It’s a Bittersweet Feeling). It was my first fic and the only multichapter WIP that’s complete right now, so it’s a special story for me.

What frustrates you most about fic writing? I’ve mostly had only a positive experience with fanfic writing. With the exception of a couple stray comments, my readers have been gracious, kind, and most importantly, patient. But I guess it can be challenging when you self-impose pressure because you’re aware that people are waiting for you to publish so sometimes I rush things. I haven’t personally experienced this, but I think that fic writing can also be frustrating when readers feel like you owe them something or unnecessarily offer negative comments that aren’t at all constructive. Some people forget that people are publishing stories for free, in their spare time, often in addition to full-time jobs or school and parenting.

What are your top five songs right now? 1. castles (freya ridings) 2. maniac (conan gray) 3. fired up (grace carter) 4. I am not afraid (g flip) 5. wanna be (betty who)

What are your inspirations? (books, songs, other fic) I take inspiration from all of those things but I would say mostly quotes and random photos on tumblr. I wrote Homesick because I liked the step-siblings/forbidden trope and wanted to write in a small town setting like the one I grew up in. All Because of You was honestly the classic “this is my bedtime daydream story I think about every night” so it’s pretty self-indulgent with the tropes I wanted to use. Voices in the Water was started because I loved the grounder!Bellamy / arranged marriage trope. The wanheda twist came from me reading the 4x11 script to screen with Clarke trying to force herself to shoot Bellamy to save humanity, but realizing that she can’t.

What first attracted you to Bellarke? What attracts you now? I’m not sure I remember a specific moment but I think I remember bellarke being all over my tumblr dash when I started s2 so kind of paying close attention to them during s2. s2 was of course a great season for them and by the ‘knocking on heaven’s door’ scene in 2x16 I was a goner.

Regarding what drew me to them, I think I’ve always loved a good slow burn with the partners/”I’ve got your back” vibe that they have. My first (and biggest) OTP before them was tony & ziva from NCIS which is a really similar vibe although a very different show.

Besides Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? I think that Memori is probably my second place ship. Before s7, I would say there was a HUGE gap between my love of Bellarke and Memori, but this season has made me an even bigger Memori fan. I have to say that while I don’t think there was ever a chance of Murven happening, I do understand why people ship it. I think they have great chemistry/a great dynamic and in another life, so to speak, I would have shipped them. 

Regarding characters on their own, I just love all my delinquents, but I think that Murphy is solidly my third favorite character. Raven and Octavia are probably tied behind him.

Why did you decide to start bellarkefic-for-blm? I credit the reason to Kara ( @queenemori ). (Sidenote: everyone go follow her! She’s an amazing fanfic writer and overall just a really positive, awesome person to have in the fandom). I remember reading her post  - and I won’t try to paraphrase, so please take the time to read her it - but in general it got me thinking about how we as a fandom could support the BLM movement in a substantial way that is more than just spreading posts on social media, and in a way that doesn’t lose momentum as time goes on and the movement becomes less “trendy.” I thought about how many people collectively read our fanfiction and how we provide it for free, and if people could just pay a few dollars or however much they can afford and donate that to the cause, we collectively could make a huge difference. So that’s what I’m hoping this is - making a substantial difference in a way that doesn’t fade in time and also uses the power of fandom in a useful way. We have a lot of power if we collectively put it towards something like this instead of fighting over ships or actors or whatnot. I also figured that maybe we’d have readers who weren’t paying attention to the movement and that maybe because they want to submit a prompt, they’d do some research on where to donate, and that in turn helps educate them on the issue - or is at least a start.

Has it been as successful as you’d hoped? So on the positive side, I do think it’s incredible that in about six weeks we’ve raised nearly $1250 and have been able to donate to a variety of organizations. I’m incredibly grateful for the authors donating their time and the enthusiastic readers participating. I don’t mean to sound negative at all, but if I’m being honest, I do feel a little frustration at the lack of participation across the fandom as a whole or maybe more specifically across the AO3 readers. I know that my WIP chapters average about 1k hits per update. That’s a lot of people. Even if you cut that in half because maybe people are rereading, that’s still 500 people. So why are only about 20 of my readers donating to this initiative? I think it’s a bit discouraging when you look at the percentage in that way. 

That’s not to say that I don’t understand that some aren’t financially in a position to donate, but I’ve made it clear that there are other ways to contribute (e.g. signing petitions, writing to politicians) and there hasn’t been traction with that either. So I think that in general, something is always better than nothing and it has in no way discouraged me from continuing this. But I’m hoping that more people are able to participate as time goes on. It’s truly a win-win situation of generating more fanfics for readers and donating to an important issue, so I hope to see the percentage of fanfiction readers submitting prompts increase and am doing what I can to continue spreading the word about it. 

I guess in summary what I’m saying is, I’m proud of what the fandom has done so far, but let’s step it up. We can do more, we can do better. Maybe people will get pissed I said that, but idk. If you read fic and can buy a $3 coffee, you can donate to this cause. It’s important. As was Kara’s point, let’s not see this momentum fade when the BLM movement becomes less ~trendy~.

What are some things you’d like to recommend? Instead of writing an essay about all the fics I love, I’d like to link both my bookmarked fics which is my complete list of bellarke fic recs.

I also want to recommend visiting the Bellarke Writers for BLM Initiative writers’ page - these writers are incredible so please go check out their existing works and continue requesting prompts for the BLM movement!

On the note of BLM, I'd also like to link this article. It's older, written in the aftermath of the Charleston attack, but it remains one of the most thought provoking pieces I've read on race in our country.

it was my honor to interview burninghoneyatdusk! honestly, if you aren’t reading Voices in the Water, which is Bellarke except Clarke is an assassin, you should be. it haunts me. she also organized the very cool bellarkefic-for-blm. 

[captainjanegay]

hey kasia! so, i read your post saying that you’re still not feeling well and that you might have an ear infection now 🥺 i’m so sorry honey! no one deserves that, but especially not an angel like you 🥺❤️ and as someone who had to get surgery to prevent the seemingly infinite amount of ear infections i got when i was little, i know how painful and annoying they can be! 😣 so with that on top of an awful cough (do you know what it is?) for two and a half weeks, that is the absolute worst. please know that i’m sending you all my love and well wishes to hope that you start to feel better soon! by the way, it’s been a long time since i’ve had an ear infection but if i remember correctly laying my painful ear on a heating pad really helps!

also p.s. when i was writing “an angel” i accidentally typed “a bagel” 😂 you in fact are not a bagel but the sweetest angel ever

but anyway— i just wanted to send you this nice little message to say a few things to hopefully improve your day 🥰 i’m gonna try to be concise but we’ll see what happens. i did this for @babyyhoneyydarling yesterday and it got long 🤦🏼‍♀️ but let me get started!

ok so first of all i know i say these things a whole bunch but i promise you right now, i mean them with my entire heart. kasia, you are hands-down one of the SWEETEST and most kindhearted people i’ve ever met. seriously? i don’t deserve you. at all! i’ll get a random ask from you and it makes my entire day so much more worth it 🥺💕 the care you’ve shown me and the other friends you have on here just makes me so happy. there isn’t enough love in this world spread around, but you make it better ☺️ you radiate sunshine energy all the time, even when i know you aren’t doing the best personally. and that takes a whole lot! i appreciate that you show us all love and support every single day— it’s hard to appreciate ourselves sometimes, so getting that from someone who we care about means the whole world!! you’ve made me feel better on the days that i’m at my lowest 🥺 and not only are you the most wonderful person ever, but your writing talent? i don’t even know where to begin. like i’ve said before, i have a tough time reading anything, so when i find a book or fic i can read, i am so grateful! and your fics that i’ve had the pleasure of reading do just that ❤️ just everything about them is perfect in my opinion— you come up with such interesting storylines that i could never even DREAM of! i know you aren’t always super confident in your work but i assure you, they truly are works of art. you deserve every single note they get, and endless support!! 😘 also i just wanted to add in quickly that i am SO proud of you for being able to write every day— it’s not something that all of us can do, so even if it’s not “great” quality, just getting your ideas and feelings out onto “paper” is the important thing. i also wanted to add in that i absolutely love your little writing games that you do 🥰 you are so creative with your 3-sentence ones and i seriously don’t know how you do it on the spot like that!! i take weeks to come up with stuff 😅🤦🏼‍♀️ speaking of games, i just want to say that i’ve loved getting the ability to know you through your blog. you are so welcoming and energizing— i’ve felt so comfortable here thanks to you!! i’ll admit i’m still very intimidated by some people, and even though i am so in awe of you, i feel like i’ve known you forever. which, for me, isn’t something that happens often! i can only think of a handful of friends 💕 i’ve never felt stressed out or scared when i talk to you (sometimes i feel like people are gonna judge me but you are just so kind 🥺☺️❤️) and i just want to say thank you for that. thank you for being you, kasia, you are wonderful, talented, and BEAUTIFUL, both inside and out!!! did you think i’d forget to add that? you are so gorgeous oh my god 🥰

ok— i could keep going but alas, i have wasted a lot of your time and blog space by sending this in 😂 i love you SO SO SO MUCH KASIA!!! i wish i could come give you a hug and help you feel better because you deserve all the best days 🥺❤️ i hope you have a better evening honey!!

also p.p.s. it started snowing a little bit here earlier today and it was the nice light and fluffy snow— it reminded me of you! ☺️💕

I’ve tried to come up with an answer that wouldn’t be me just repeatedly screaming HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS but I couldn’t and I’ve been thinking since yesterday dajka let me try, though.

HELENA MY SWEET BABY ANGEL SWEETHEART I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU ARE TOO PRECIOUS FOR WORDS 

ok i’m done

i’m so not done, you’re just so lovely and every single time I am blessed with your messages or posts or just your sole presence on my dash or in my thoughts, I am just so thankful?? You’re such a sweet and wonderful human and to be able to call myself your friend is so amazing. I can’t believe you’ve singlehandedly saved this clusterfuck of a year by just being you and brightening the life of everyone you talk to, myself included? You’re so amazing??? I can’t belive u ♥♥♥

I’m so incredibly happy to know that I’m able to make you feel better and remind you of all the incredible qualities you have when you don’t remember about them yourself. I love making you happy and cheering you up when you need it so it means the world to me knowing that I succeed. And I want you to know that you do the exact same things to me :’) I feel so cared for and appreciated thanks to you and you sending things like this whenever i whine about not feeling my best? It just makes me cry happy tears forever, I love you so much my heart is just gonna burst someday. 

And all those nice things you say about my writing just make my heart go all !!!!! I’m not gonna whine again but it really means the world and every single nice word I hear about my writing makes me a tad bit confident and while I’ll probably stay critical and self-conscious forever, knowing that you and all the other incredible people that appreciate my work are enjoying the things I almost always dislike? dakjda It makes me dislike them less, cause they make you happy and it’s more than I could ask for :’) I enjoy writing even while it’s a pain in the ass and you all make it so worth it :’) Also I never thought I’ll like those 3 sentence thingies so much dkjakds it usually takes me so much to figure things out (like all the christmas prompts i have in my inbox even though it’s December 11th already dajda)? And when I think about a fic I tend to start way too early and I get discouraged when I figure how much i need to write before I get to the “good part”? So i guess the limit of 3 sentences makes me able to just stuff as much of the “good part” as i can so maybe that’s why i like them so much dsakjkas

I got sidetracked, gimme a sec I need to remember what i wanted to say.

Oh yeah, i remember now - HELENA YOU SWEET, SWEET, BEAUTIFUL SOUL YOU’RE TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS AWFUL WORLD ♥♥ I just want to wrap you in a blanket and hug forever to make sure nothing bad ever happens to you. And how dare you call this wonderful message a waste of space or time! I loved every single letter in it, just like I love every single part of you and I’ll forever be amazed that such an incredible person once looked at my blog and thought “i’m gonna make her heart explode from love-overload because that’s what she deserves”. I love you so much and I will repeart it forever and a bit longer probably.

As for my well-being, it’s not being so well djasdja I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of an infection but it’s basically the same it was yesterday, it’s not getting worse :’)) (thank fuck it seems to be a mostly painless one cause otherwise i’d die already) I have no idea what was that cough, it’s kinda hard to get a doctors appointment atm and I was kinda paranoid about having covid so i just preffered to stay holed up at home and wait dajkdajk which is not a good way to do things, I’m a horrible example in life but it’s mostly over now (the cough, not life dhjakjda) so i guess it didn’t turn out worse by my lack of professional expertise djaskj I really hope it will all pass soon, I hate being sick cause I always was a rather healthy person and only get a light cold like once a year or even less often? so getting sick so much while not leaving the damn house is just a bad joke from the universe dhkakda

On a more positive note - it was snowing today too!! It started around the afternoon and it’s still here! I’m so happy and I hope it’ll last for a bit :’)

here’s the (not current but it didn’t change much) view from my flat, it’s not even that much snow and it still makes me so excited djasdkja :’)

Again - thank you so much for this message, sweetheart. It means everything to me, I love you so so much ♥♥

[randomfandomimagine]

Hey, I don't know if you've gone on break already, but I just wanted to say that you're doing great. There are a lot of people out there that, yeah, unfortunately they don't want to take enough time to read your rules for requesting. That doesn't make your writing any less valid. You're a great writer, and I'm sorry you've been feeling down in the dumps as per lack of response. I'm sorry that I was one of the causes of you feeling sad. I hope you take your time and feel better soon - Null

I understand that you and other people don’t always feel comfortable leaving feedback or reblogging, I by no means want to guilt or force anyone into doing these things, but I think some people genuinely don’t realize how replies, comments on tags, reblogs, asks and feedback in general is important for content creators. It’s kind of our payment since we do this for free, it’s what keeps us motivated and tells us how people feel about our writing. Otherwise it feels like we’re just throwing stuff into the void.

In any case, I try my best not to worry so much about that. The reason why I’m so discouraged at the moment is the fact that I kept saying to read my rules, I reblogged the post several times, linked it first thing in my description, I say it in my askbox (read them before requesting), I pinned a post reminding everyone to read them and I keep getting vague requests or for things that are closed and stuff. I just don’t know what to do anymore, people just ignore my wishes and don’t care. It makes me sad, you know?

Anyway, I’m so sorry for ranting, I guess I needed to vent all this that has been building up for a while now and I want to be honest as well. Nonetheless, thank you so much. I appreciate your words and the fact that you took the time to leave this ask to try and comfort me ❤ 

[pisati]

I mean, I’m over it. 

I don’t even think it was a trigger. I was on the way here if not here already. sometimes it takes me a little bit to pick it apart. 

I did have a good day. I felt godawful when I woke up but it helped to get out of my head. charlotte and I went to the mall, bought too many things neither of us needed. cinnabon included. I’m never really a fan of trying on clothes or looking in mirrors but it wasn’t terrible today. I found a sweater I really like, and a nice knit cardigan. and a blue jacket at old navy that was at least $50 full-price but was on sale for $15; it actually looked pretty okay on me. it’s nice to go shopping and not completely hate how I look in things. I do wish I could get over my hair being so thin. I honestly feel like I’d feel better about my body if my hair were just thicker. I’m tired of caring so much about my physical appearance; of feeling so gross and self-conscious all the time that I need to adjust my hair every few seconds. wish it were just as easy as “stop caring”.

we went to bath & body works and I tried another sample of the rose/vanilla lotion in their aromatherapy line; I hadn’t smelled it since I went to get that other rose stuff. I almost wish I’d splurged a little on that one instead though. it was just as nice as I remembered. I kept smelling the back of my hand while we went around the mall. talk about aromatherapy. 

I even felt pretty okay after charlotte dropped me off at home. I do think I’ll get myself out of this. but it’s not okay that it’s still happening.

I still want to make music. I feel like I have so much to get out but I just don’t know how. I keep falling back into chords and songs I already know. last time I thought I came up with something cool, I realized two days later that it was echoing Hozier’s In The Woods Somewhere. not the same notes, but the same pattern for sure. I don’t even know all that many chords, just the basic ones. I don’t know how to do much more than that. lessons didn’t help me either. it makes me real sad. it’s discouraging. I have the space for a setup now and I got a table all laid out with my midi keyboard and interface, put my amp and looper pedal next to it, and I have my guitars sitting in their stands. but for now I’m just looking at all of it, like it belongs to someone else. 

don’t know why I feel like I have so much more to say. like there’s something I need to get out. I don’t even know what it is. maybe I trained myself this way. feel anything, bad especially, write. I don’t even expect it to resolve; it almost never does. I don’t always have something to say. sometimes I just write to write. there’s always words floating around in my head, and sometimes I just need to get them out, not get a message across.

I prefer living alone. I do. every time I’ve had roommates, even good ones, it’s been stressful for me. some days I just want to be alone and I relish having a space solely of my own to come home to. but other times it’s just too quiet. I feel like I did when I was at school-- this is nothing new to me. I used to sometimes wish my mom would stay at her boyfriend’s so I could have the house to myself, but other times I wanted her to be home. I knew she’d inevitably snap at me for something or another, but I’d still go downstairs to talk to her. I’d still hole myself up in my room, but somehow it was a small comfort to know there was someone else home. now it’s just me.

I thought about it earlier; I wish my mom and I were closer. there’s so much I wish I could talk to her about. if she’d ever been better about mental health and emotions. when I get really anxious she’s the first one I think to call, even though I know in the past she’s gotten mad at me for being unable to stop panicking. I still have that hope that she’s someone I can go to for comfort. this isn’t the first time I’ve wanted this badly to call her over feeling bad. your mother is your first comfort in the world, you should be able to go to her for that at any age. I feel like I’m mothering my own shitty brain and sometimes I just want to be able to go to my own mother and cry on her shoulder and have her hold me and maybe even offer some advice. but she’s got her own issues. I take care of mine.

yesterday would’ve been my dad’s 74th birthday. it hit me probably a bit late, but it hit me nonetheless. looked at that picture at just the wrong time and I was done for. I wish I could call him too. I’m afraid I’m going to forget his voice; I already forgot so many of his stories. he got on every last nerve of mine before he passed but I miss him so much. he’d asked me, one of the last times I saw him, did we deserve this? and I hope he knows he didn’t.

whatever trajectory I thought I had, I feel like I’m losing it again. maybe it’s the seasonal affective. maybe it’s whatever the fuck this is. I’m so tired of being me. I’m only 25 and I’m fucking exhausted. I want so badly to be hopeful. I want to be able to experience the future I think I want, one that I’ll be happy with. but I have so much fear I’ll never get there. and it’s not for lack of trying. I can do everything right, and things can still go wrong. it’s happened before, it’s not unlikely it’ll happen again. I’ve accepted that fact. but if that’s facts... how can I let myself be hopeful? 

the rational part of my brain has been tapping its foot for a week at least. are we done with this shit yet? can we maybe stop? when the bad feelings stop, I stop reacting to them. I can make myself stop crying. I can make myself get up and do things. I’ve been picking myself up off the floor, calming myself down, keeping myself distracted, and trying everything I know how to do to feel just numb if not better for years. I can’t make this feeling stop. it stops when it stops.

I’m going to send a message to my psych’s office and ask about therapy. they do have telepsych options as well, and if they want me to do weekly sessions that would be the best option for me. I’ve needed a good therapist for longer than I’m probably aware of. I’ve tried a good number of them and none of them seem to know what to tell me. I swear to god if this one calls me “wise beyond my years” like the last two... while I appreciate the compliment, it’s not helpful. I’m hyperaware of how hyperaware I can be. once I learned to train my critical thinking skills it just made the spiraling worse. I’d like to learn how to stop doing that. how to shut my brain the fuck up. how to not hate being myself in a world I don’t feel like I’m made for. how to take steps forward instead of being too scared of every possible outcome that isn’t good. you know, easy stuff.

---

I don’t know. I’m just tired. don’t know and frankly don’t much care if you even read these dumb posts anymore, gavin, but I’m sorry if you’ve bothered to and sorry if you’re tired of my shit too. I told you I didn’t want to put this all on you; you’ve got your own shit to deal with and I didn’t want you to think it was your fault in any way. don’t quite know what you’re going through, but you don’t need to be pulling me out of this nonsense on top of it. this sure would be one hell of an overreaction to “us being in a relationship is an unrealistic scenario”, especially when I kind of already knew that. sucked to know for real for real, but not that much, lmao. that’s not what started this spiral-- this started well before you and I ever met. more than anything you’ve been helping me reach a point where I’m hopeful I can get out of it and I’m so grateful to have you as a friend. I’m not really sure you feel like you can say the same about me, and I’m sorry for that too. you being so distant lately just feeds the nasty part of my brain that convinces me I drive everyone away. you’re well within your rights to take your space, but I just really hope it’s not because of anything I did. this time of year is reminding me of last winter, when you had a break from work and we’d stayed up all night for a few nights talking about anything and everything. I miss that. and please don’t worry about leading me on; I’m glad to know more definitively where you stand and I respect that. I really do just miss your company, whether you’re feeling good or bad or whatever. that’s, you know, the whole thing with friends. I know you isolate, and I guess there’s not much I can do about that. just know I’m still here. I’ve still got a hand out, if you’d like to take it. and that’s okay if not; it’s there anyway.

[alexsmitposts]

It is All about Race, Awful Hypocrisy Hypocrisy to Say it’s Not! While I am following closely various discussions on Western mass media and social media, simultaneously engaging in several direct exchanges, one overwhelming leitmotif that I see is clearly emerging: “What is happening in the United States (and the UK, France and other parts of Western Empire) is not really about the race. Let us protest peacefully, let us not allow ‘rioting’ to continue, and above all, please let us not single out the white race, Western culture as a sole villain. Let us have peace, love each other… Then things will miraculously improve; terrible occurrences will soon go away.” I have worked and lived on all continents, from far away island nations of South Pacific (Oceania), to Africa, the Middle East, Latin America, and Asia. Of course, I lived in Europe and North America, too. Colonialism, neo-colonialism, imperialism – these are all my topics. Seriously! I have been studying them, investigating them; I wrote and made various documentary films about them. On several occasions I came very close to losing my life, confronting them. My conclusion after all that I saw and experienced and survived? You can probably guess it: “To claim that the race is not what has been, for centuries, dividing our Planet, is outrageous hypocrisy. Or deranged wishful thinking. Or something much worse: it is calculated blindness that serves only the ruling, white group of people.” To make it blunt: Our Planet has been reduced to only two races: White and “the other”! On top of it, the color of one’s skin is not always identical to what the West, in general, perceives as the Caucasian/white race. To be “white” is the state of mind. It means: belonging to the culture which perceives itself as “superior”. The culture which sees itself as ‘exceptional’, and somehow ‘chosen’ to judge and advice the entire humanity. It also means ‘a state of indoctrination and obedience, as well as lack of intellectual courage’. All this, in exchange for the privileges; fabulous privileges! “Plunder the world, and live well above your means; live grotesquely plush life! And while you are living it, do not forget to whine, demand more, and keep repeating that ‘you are also exploited and, actually, a very poor victim’”. Denying the privileges is part of racism, too, as it demonstrates unexpectable spite for the real victims! Or, perhaps, self-imposed blindness. Citizens of some countries, such as Russia, Cuba, and Turkey, may look mainly ‘white’, but they are actually not. They are not invited to the ‘club’, because their mindset is different because they are not submissive because they think on their own. *** Such conclusions may not be popular in New York, London, Paris, or Berlin. Especially not now, when the United States and the entire West are in turmoil. The culture which was built on blood, bones, rape, and theft, ‘culture’ shaped by more than 500 years of colonialist terror, is now turning, twisting, and trying to justify itself. It tries to survive while staying in a driving seat. Countless editorials penned by both ‘conservative’ and so-called ‘liberal’ scribes are carpet-bombing the pages of newspapers at both sides of the Atlantic Ocean. Fear of perhaps mortally injured beast – Western regime and its citizens – is delectable by its repulsive stench, and it stinks for miles. Suddenly, most of the so-called ‘progressive’ publications do not want to hear from those writers and thinkers who are shooting powerful projectiles in the form of highly uncomfortable truth. Actually, in the West, there are hardly any true “left-wing” sites or magazines left, of course with some shining exceptions. What is really progressive these days? I don’t want to name the sites or publications here, but you are most likely aware of which ones I am talking about: they almost exclusively carry the stuff written by the Western/white men, for other white men’s consumption! They never cross the line: their criticism of the Western white-dominated world is half-hearted, “peaceful”; in short cowardly. A white man is an individual who has been brought up and indoctrinated in a certain way, who thinks, speaks, and writes in a manner that is expected from him or her by the Western regime. And all these ‘non-whites’, all over the world, including the minorities in the Western countries, are expected to sit on their asses, shut up and listen to him or her, but mostly him. And of course, to obey. Or else! Or else: they will be verbally attacked and humiliated, eventually, they will get sanctioned, their governments were overthrown, countries invaded. There will be corpses all over, the stench of burning flesh, overflowing mass graves. And ‘at home’, in the West? Bullets shot at their eyes, or necks squashed by military or police boots. So, what actually happened a few weeks ago to Mr. George Floyd, has been constantly happening to non-white people all over the world, to the entire communities and countries. Then, suddenly, people, all over the world, had enough! Almost everywhere, not just in China, Russia, Venezuela, Cuba, Iran, Libya, Syria, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Enough of being treated as some lower, subservient races. Enough of being treated like a scum; brutalized, killed like Mr. Floyd! *** Now, in the West, both liberal and conservative media is making noises, claiming that Mr. Floyd was “not a saint”, that he used to serve some time in prison. What can I say? People, in general, are not saints. People and countries. Very often, circumstances make them behave in a very nasty matter. But if you are raised as a second-class citizen, if you are beaten, day and night, by your own regime, are you expected to turn out to be a romantic poet? Get real! Our countries, non-Western ones, are not always behaving like saints, either. But they are still better, much better, than those that have been murdering hundreds of millions in their colonies! Don’t they understand, in Washington, London, and Paris, why those millions of people, from Tokyo to Buenos Aires, from Africa to Asia, are now marching in support for the African-American people? It is because all of us, outside Europe, North America, Australia, and New Zealand, are somehow related to Mr. Floyd! Yes, we read those phony essays. We observe those cynical little smiles on the faces of the people who are denying racial and racist division of the world. Individuals who are defending the status quo, the rule of that tiny minority over the planet, so they could maintain their advantages. Some defenders of status quo are now going as far as claiming that the rebellion against the white rulers is actually some sort of dark conspiracy theatre, triggered by the well-concealed business elites, or that it is connected to COVID-19; but above all, that it is not spontaneous at all. It is clear, where they really stand and what they want to achieve. It is never “them”. It is always somebody else. They keep pointing fingers at some invisible bankers, or the minorities in their own countries. You know precisely what I mean. As long as it is not them! But it is all much simpler: most of Europe and North America are constructed on white racism. And so is imperialism, colonialism. Citizens in the West are voting right-wing scum, voluntarily, and consistently. Can you imagine a genuine North American or European “internationalist”? Maybe a few. Perhaps 1%. Not more! So, the proverbial gold keeps flowing in. And billions of non-whites are rotting alive, in all corners of the globe. My friends, my comrades, all over the world, are now opening their eyes, realizing what is happening in the United States and its colonialist daddy: Europe. Many of them, of course, already knew. At least they knew something. But those who did not, are now wide awake, getting well aware of the brutality of the Western regime, as well as of the racist nature of the “global arrangement”. Those who were, for centuries, manufacturing consent, justifying and glorifying colonialism, imperialism, racial discrimination, as well as Western supremacy, can suddenly do nothing to stop the avalanche of awareness. This may be the beginning of the end of segregation, of global apartheid. Just the beginning of the true struggle for equality. A knee of a beefy white racist cop in Minneapolis, which had cut the supply of air, killing an African-American person, somehow managed to trigger that avalanche. Nobody wants to live like this. Oppressed nations do not want to be threatened this way by those white Western cynics and nihilists: like Clinton and Trump, Navarro, Pompeo, and others. What a hellish troop of third-rate violent people! Oppressed minorities inside the empire, be they of African descent, Hispanics or Chinese, are sick of the vicious and repulsive racism. Mostly, they are frightened to speak. But now, day by day, they are gaining courage. *** The United States of America has been built on the genocide of the non-white people. The great majority of native folks had been slaughtered so the small number of the first and brutal European settlers could thrive. This is “to some extend” known fact, but learning in-depth what really happened to the original inhabitants of ‘America’ has been thoroughly discouraged. Word ‘genocide’ is hardly ever uttered, in connection with the first chapters of U.S. history. Actually, it is taboo. Slavery has been turned into folklore. Millions, tens of millions of broken, methodically destroyed human lives, is hardly ever presented in its real, nightmarish authenticity. People in Africa were hunted down like animals, tortured, raped, killed, and shipped like cattle to the so-called ‘free’ and ‘democratic’ “New World”. Does a country constructed on such macabre foundations have really any moral right to call itself ‘free’? Can it be allowed to police the world? It is as if you would allow that murder cob who killed Mr. Floyd, to run a nation! And those states which are now forming Europe? Their citizens are the descendants of those who were hunting down millions of human beings. Offspring of those who perpetrated and then got rich on such mass-slaughters as those of the Namibians, or people who used to inhabit what is now known as Congo. When dragged to the broad daylight, it is all very, very uncomfortable, isn’t it? Better to sweep the truth under the carpet, and talk about “love”, “goodwill”. And then keep robbing and murdering as before, far away from the cameras! This way, nothing would ever change. Repeating over and over again: “race does not matter; it is actually all about class”, could make those who are in control of the world feel good about themselves, even sometimes sorry for themselves, which is actually their favorite state of mind. But it is a terribly hypocritical and deceptive position. And it has to be unveiled if there is ever to be justice! *** On 3 June 2020, UN News, published an essay condemning the situation in the United States: “Voices calling for an end to “the endemic and structural racism that blights US society” must be heard and understood, for the country to move past its “tragic history of racism and violence”, the UN Human Rights chief said on Wednesday. “The voices calling for an end to the killings of unarmed African Americans need to be heard”, UN High Commissioner for Human Rights Michelle Bachelet said in a statement. “The voices calling for an end to police violence need to be heard”.” Ms. Bachelet, a Chilean, knows precisely what she is talking about! She knows what it is to have someone’s knee choking your aorta. Her father, an army General during the socialist era of President Salvador Allende, was murdered after the US-sponsored coup led by Augusto Pinochet. Ms. Bachelet herself was kidnapped and tortured. She looked ‘white’, but obviously not ‘white enough’ for Washington and its local assassins. What is truly significant is that even the United Nations (usually subservient to the US) is now unwilling to remain silent. *** Race ‘issues’ have to be addressed. Racism, inside the national boundaries, as well as on the global scale, has to be fought against, by all means. The depressing state of our planet is a result of racism. Look at the map of the world at the beginning of the 20th century, and you will see: a great majority of the nations were colonized by the West. Colonialism is one of the most evident forms of racism. It humiliates victims, it robs them of everything: of culture, dignity, land. To a great extent, most of the world is still being colonized. Even right now, as this is being written. Almost the entire Planet is brutally controlled by the racist West-centric education system, and by the mass media which is controlled by the White boy’s Western narrative. Things have been arranged, so that the people in non-Western countries have been ‘learning’ and ‘getting informed’ about themselves from the Western curriculums and the fraudulent sources disseminated by the US and British media outlets. That is grotesquely racist, isn’t it? Close to 10 million people have died in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC), in just a quarter of a century. It is because they have coltan, uranium, and other essential raw materials, desired by the West. But also, because to the West, their black lives matter close to nothing. My film, “Rwanda Gambit”, is clearly addressing the issue. But who cares? In the West, they rather watch porn, instead of learning the greatest genocide of the 20th Century, which they helped to trigger! And who cares about the West Papuans, who are murdered with almost the same intensity by the Indonesians, on behalf of their Western masters? After all, the West Papuans are blacks, therefore matter nothing. On those millions, mountains of corpses, huge companies, and even entire countries are thriving, prosper. While their CEOs and Presidents are talking rubbish about some ‘corporate responsibility’ and love for democracy. And most of the white Europeans, Canadians, Australians, have to sacrifice very little, in order to live their obnoxiously luxurious lives. Isn’t this racist? The entire arrangement of the world is! Soon, it will be impossible to hide behind all those lies. I work at the frontlines. Where human bodies are crushed by all that “love” of the white colonialism and racism, directly but also indirectly. Racist violence is the most repulsive and the creepiest thing on Earth. I want it to end; once and for all. I don’t care if some shops get looted or trashed in the process. Peaceniks who are crying over them are mostly sitting in their plush living rooms, watching censored news. They do not see those tens of millions of victims of racism rotting in tropical heat, floating on the surfaces of polluted rivers, thousands of kilometers away! Images of Mr. Floyd being murdered, slowly and sadistically, is as close as they ever got to reality. For centuries, they did all they could in order not to see. Now they are running out of excuses. Not to see, not to fight against the endemic global racism is a terrible crime. A crime that has been taking place for more than 500 years. The crime against humanity.

[porchwood]

Hi just so I understand cause i keep waiting for it and it doesnt seem likely to happen have you kind of fallen out of love with wtm? and everlark in general tbh? cause ive been following you for a while now and you always had lil quotes and pictures and things that reminded you inspired you whatever it was about katniss and wtm and now alllll it is is gadge i followed you because personally i love what you did with everlark and im just wondering if thats gone and not foreseeable any time soon?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to answer this… It’s afair question - to a point. If you’re more of a drop-in person (like me) thanlive-on-the-dash, coming back to find my blog awash in Gadge might have beenquite upsetting. There are several reasons for the current state of things:

1. Life has been driving me into the ground since December26, 2013. (Yes, going on six straight years.) If you were a WtM reader from thebeginning, you may recall that I was pretty energetic and prolific in 2012-2013.Oh, there were tough times, but nothing like what started on the aforementioneddate (a car accident where I was in the “bystander” vehicle and it still got totaled)and has continued relentlessly ever since. Sometimes adversity leads to greatcreativity and sometimes it turns you into a depressed, exhausted, reclusivelump, and the past 5+ years have seen periods of both from me. These past 18months have been exceptionally awful (and expensive), resulting in very littlewriting at all, about any pairing.

2. Writing WtM takes a lot out of me. I don’t know whether thisis common knowledge or not, but it’s the gospel truth. I love that world, Ilove that version of Everlark, but every chapter requires so much hard work, itmakes me tired just to think of it. Not to mention, over the past couple of chaptersEverlark have been pushing for more intimacy than the plot/timeline allows, andso I’ve been struggling with how I want to handle that. Do I fight them andstick to the plan? (I can’t advance the timeline for several reasons.) Do I tryto figure out a cheat for them? They’ve got minds of their own and have changedmy plans multiple times, but this is something they genuinely can’t have, and Ihave to fight them on it. ☹ Which is sad, frustrating, and exhausting.

3. I’m a multi-pairing shipper, and have been from about 3chapters into WtM. Which means that my Everlark fics almost always feature asecondary pairing (or more than one), and sometimes I’ll get a plot bunny for afic about a pairing other than Everlark. Most writers in the THG fandom exclusivelywrite their OTP, whatever the plot bunny, but I find that some plot bunnies don’tfit Everlark as well as they do another pairing. (This is why I’ll never write aBeauty and the Beast Everlark fic unless Katniss is the “Beast,” if you will.)

4. The Everlark fandom is…tricky. I’ve never fit in there. Idon’t write Everlark the way the majority of fans see them (except for Peetabeing “sweet,” I guess), I hated the movies (I refuse to see MJ 1 or 2), and I’vemanaged to really rub some people the wrong way over the years –unintentionally, and for a variety of reasons – all of which leaves me feeling kinda down about Everlark in general. Don’t misunderstand me: I love Everlarkand WtM, but it’s really isolating to be this sad little island of unpopularopinions and unwelcome side-ships. That’s the part I really wish I could makeyou understand. For six years I’ve had Christopher Plummer in my head saying, “You’llnever be one of them,” and he’s so, cruelly, right. I want to cry every time Ithink of Embracing the Season (my E-rated Everlark modern AU oneshot for Lovein Panem - lots of daring for me!) because I poured heart and soul into that andit still wasn’t the Everlark that people wanted.

5. About a year and a half ago (when Strawberry Time reallytook off of its own accord) I participated in Gadge Day 2017, working my buttoff to find and schedule (and tag) over 100 carefully chosen Gale/Madge/Gadge aestheticposts, and for lack of a better way to say it: it turned on my Gadge-dar. After that, thosekinds of posts just leapt out at me whenever I had a chance to scroll, and forseveral months I wasn’t sure what to do with that. With a little encouragementfrom @ghtlovesthg, I came up with #march madgeness – wherein I turned my Tumblrinto Madge/Gadge-land for one month, and it was a blast. (Side-stepping Gadgefor a moment: Madge is a highly underappreciated and underused character,especially in fic/on Tumblr and I love splashing the dash with Madge-love.) Thenext month I launched a run of pent-up Everlark posts (i.e., regularprogramming), but I missed my Madge, so I instituted #madge monday – one day aweek when I could splash the dash with Madge/Gadge. At every juncture I gavepeople tags to block if they didn’t want to see this content (though I stillget unfollows every time I post, alas). I participated in last summer’s THG Reread– on the fringe of it, but my posts (reblogs and meta) were strongly Everlark-focusedagain during that time. So there’s definitely still been Everlark on my blog,but if you’re just dropping in (or for that matter, glancing at my archive), you’regoing to see a majority of Madge/Gadge.

6. Frankly, Gadge is fun. It’s a completely different dynamicthan Everlark, with less pressure to create something transcendent, and whenthe chips are down, I’m more likely to work on something that isn’t my six-years-runningopus. This spring, in the midst of lots of awfulness, I finally wrote a piecethat I’ve had in my head for years – The Best Part of Waking Up – with a differentpairing featured in each drabble “chapter,” including Gadge, Luka/Johanna (whoI’ve been wanting to put out there for AGES) and Jack/Raisa. I haven’t beenable to write quickly in years, and I think I finished those three “chapters”in about two days, maybe three. I completed the Raisa drabble in a couple ofhours and I consider it one of the best things I’ve ever written. (Honestly, ifa pairing was going to topple Everlark in my heart, it would be Jack/Raisa, i.e.,Mr. Everdeen/Mrs. Mellark. I love them to distraction.) Once upon a time I could drabble/sprint Everlark too – notoften, but I could manage it. Maybe it’ll happen again someday, but for thetime being, when I write in quick eager bursts, it’s usually about aside-pairing.

7. Because I just need to say it: about a year ago, I set up a secondary Tumblr for almost all my side-interests and ships outside of THG. When I first joined Tumblr, porchwood was just a fun page where I posted whatever struck my fancy (pretty things, funny things, whatever I liked), and over the next few years, I honed it into a pretty “writer’s notebook” for WtM and my other THG fics (related quotes, aesthetic posts, writing check-ins, etc.). When Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out, I shared a handful of posts pertaining to a new ship (not a new direction for my blog or writing, just sharing my excitement) and it was made very clear to me that people didn’t want to see that content on my page. So when I started watching Voltron: Legendary Defender, I had a sneaking suspicion people wouldn’t want to hear about those ships either. So I started an entirely new Tumblr for that content, and every so often I accidentally post something to the wrong page, which I immediately correct in horror, but people still unfollow. Point being: this blog is THG (and a few personal life updates) ONLY, with a pretty consistent aesthetic. I hide literally everything else that I’m interested in so you don’t have to be bothered by it. Is it really so unacceptable for me to have side-ships (complementary to the main pairing, not threatening to them) in the same universe??

8. Believe it or not, I’ve been working on WtM all along,just not making any massive strides. I tried to chip away at the current chapterduring Camp Nanowrimo last July, and it was a disaster. I thought joining awriting group would be helpful, but I didn’t realize that Camp Nano is basicallya lot of writing sprints in which you try to churn out as many words aspossible, which you then report to your “cabin” – and that’s the onlyinteraction with your fellow writers. I can’t write like that anymore (seeabove) and especially not when it comes to WtM, so I got discouraged veryquickly and sort of drifted away. I reattempted Nano on my own in April and wrotealmost 15K words, but in that instance I was really just using the Nano platform toset and reach a goal (which I didn’t ☹ ); I wasn’t in a cabin and didn’t interact with anyother writers, except my friend @ghtlovesthg, who read the finished portion.

9. I want to finish this dang chapter so much, and frankly, theonly way that’s going to happen is if life gets a little better and I holemyself up with my laptop for hours on end for weeks at a time – and somemagical being comes to support/cheer/comfort me while I do so. It’s currentlysitting at about 25K and I anticipate it will need to be at least double that,which is beyond ridiculous, but that’s the nature of WtM. The chapters are asmany words as it takes.

TL, DR: I still love Everlark and I’m still working on WtM, but my life has been extremely difficult for a very long time and I don’t have a great Everlark lifeline. Gadge and all my other ships are fun, and most of the Gadge you see on my Tumblr is aesthetic stuff for themed days/months/occasions. Anything non-THG goes on my sideblog.

[commentaryvorg]

Danganronpa V3 Commentary: Part 4.5

Be aware that this is not a blind playthrough! This will contain spoilers for the entire game, regardless of the part of the game I’m commenting on. A major focus of this commentary is to talk about all of the hints and foreshadowing of events that are going to happen and facts that are going to be revealed in the future of the story. It is emphatically not intended for someone experiencing the game for their first time.

Last time in chapter 4, Maki opened up about her past, she and Shuichi and Kaito were ADORABLE FRIENDS, Kaito was a huge hypocrite on the topic of burdens, twice, Kokichi helpfully suggested some improvements to Monokuma’s script like an absolute moron, and Kaito’s bonus training for his sidekicks was totally not him desperately trying to prove that they still need him or anything.

Now for the last of chapter 4’s free time!

Shuichi:  (What can *I* do? The only thing I’m good at is solving mysteries, but I can’t figure out this academy.)

That’s not the only thing you’re good at, Shuichi! Your detective’s brain also makes you pretty good at coming up with plans. That plan with the cameras in chapter 1 was really not a bad plan if you ignore the fact that the entire premise of it (that the mastermind wouldn’t have a way of knowing about it) was flawed. But of course Shuichi wouldn’t think that or want to attempt something like that again since it indirectly got Kaede killed.

Keebo:  “What can we each do to make sure that we all survive…? We all possess Ultimate talents. There *must* be something we can do.”

YES IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE ULTIMATE ROBOT COULD GET US OUT OF HERE OR SOMETHING.

Geez. I was mostly not being too mad at Keebo because I figured he was largely oblivious to the difference his weapons could have made anyway, but this makes it a whole lot less excusable. (And again, there is no indication given that he’s not doing so because of his inner voice, which is the only truly justifiable reason that would make sense within the story.)

So that’s even more reason for me to not hang out with Keebo here like I wasn’t going to anyway, because that should by all rights lead to Shuichi persuading him to use his weapons and get everyone out of here today. And that’s obviously not in line with canon.

Gonta:  “Hi, Shuichi! How can Gonta help you today?”

Heh, this mostly just sounds like a polite, gentlemanly greeting, but in this chapter’s context, it definitely has undertones of “please tell Gonta he can help you today, Gonta really wants to be able to help you today”. Sorry, Gonta, I’d love to, but we’re already best friends; Shuichi needs to spread his friendship around others too.

Miu is in the computer room as she was all day yesterday as well, but interestingly, right now Kokichi’s hanging around in the corridor not too far from it too. He does apparently help her set things up for their Virtual World trip, so maybe that’s what he’s doing right now.

Despite Kaito not showing up anywhere on the Monopad’s map due to what is presumably a programming oversight (even characters who aren’t available should have their locations shown, with the understandable exception of Kokichi in chapter 5), he does exist during this free time slot and is perfectly available to hang out. The wiki says he is unavailable right now; the wiki is wrong. He’s in the warehouse. You’re welcome.

(The first time I played through this game myself, during which one of my missions was to find every piece of optional dialogue I might not have seen from Youtube playthroughs, I was determined not to give up on finding Kaito here and resolved to manually check EVERY SINGLE ROOM IN THE SCHOOL IF I HAD TO. Thankfully I started from the bottom up and the warehouse is on the first floor.)

Kaito’s reason for being in the warehouse probably has something to do with the fact that it apparently contains medicine. Like, you know, painkillers and stuff.

Kaito:  “I can see my training is already having results for you and Maki Roll.”

It is, and Kaito has every right to be proud of himself for that!

But it’s also interesting that while a lot of the characters are focusing on thinking about what they can do, since that’s what they discussed at breakfast, Kaito is instead focusing on what he already has done. Almost as if thinking about what he can do in future is painful and discouraging because there’s almost nothing he can do (short of suggesting even more bonus training for his sidekicks, which still isn’t going to help them escape), and so he doesn’t want to dwell on that.

Kaito:  “But don’t slow down here! It’s important to keep up your training every day.”

It is! Shuichi and Maki (with the addition of Himiko) are absolutely going to keep up their training every day when they get out of here.

(Also, remember back in chapter 2 when I mentioned that I’d started doing exercise myself thanks to Kaito? I’ve been doing that every single day for a little bit over a year now, and it’ll be several months more than that by the time this part I’m writing actually gets posted. Kaito is the best.)

Anyway, we’ve been on a roll with Maki lately in the rest of the story (pun totally intended), so let’s continue that by hanging out with her, shall we?

She happens to be in the dining hall, which is just across the corridor from the warehouse and therefore tantalisingly close to where Kaito is. They could all hang out as a trio again! Kaito would also want to hear more of Maki’s heartbreaking backstory! No? No. Silly game mechanics.

Maki:  “Something only I can do… I can think of just one thing. …I know what you’re about to say. But… that’s the reality.”

Oh, Maki. That’s not the only thing you can do!

Maki:  “Of course, I’ll think about… other things I can do.”

Exactly! You can fight and protect us!

Shuichi:  “I didn’t know that assassins were scouted.”

As the event proper begins, Shuichi just straight-up continues the conversation they were having last night. This is why I had to save Maki’s third FTE until now at the earliest – because having this before that scene just does not make sense.

Maki:  “It’s better if you didn’t know. Also, there’s no need for you to know.”

I dunno, Maki, if more people knew that there were child-slave assassins out there then maybe some people would be able to do something about it and this horrendous practice might stop. She just can’t see it that way, because she’s had to accept this as her reality in order to cope.

Maki:  “The orphanage I was raised at was run for that reason.”

Shuichi:  “…What do you mean?”

Maki:  “To raise potential candidates for assassins.”

Yup, that’s the truth of her orphanage. That’s not remotely fucked up at all.

Shuichi:  (How much is Maki carrying on her shoulders…? Such small shoulders…)

Heh. You sound like Kaito, Shuichi.

Maki:  “The basic training forces your body to go beyond its human limitations. They physically beat us to help us withstand torture, and taught us how to die when needed…”

Happy fun Free Time with upbeat music as our friend casually tells us about how she was tortured.

(It really is a shame Kaito couldn’t be here to hear this too. He would 1000% want to help her carry this awful burden just like Shuichi is doing, even though all they can do is listen.)

Maki:  “The only option left when you fail a mission is to die, right? Dying sooner is the nicer way out. It’s much better than being tortured alive.”

…I mean, she failed that one mission with the katana and didn’t have to die for it. I guess what she’s really talking about is if she were to get captured by an enemy of the assassin cult that would use her for information.

At least this means that when they’re all considering group suicide in chapter 5, Maki would know how to also kill herself painlessly at the end of it. You know. Reassuring thoughts.

Shuichi:  (I can’t bear to think of what Maki had to go through…)

I know, Shuichi. It may have never really happened to her, but she’s still having to live now with the memory of it, believing that it really happened to her, and that’s not fucking fair at all.

Maki:  “They tried to drag my dignity and tear it… To make me feel empty…”

They were trying to turn her into an empty, cold-blooded killer without a heart. And they didn’t succeed.

Maki:  “I wouldn’t have accepted the job in the first place if I knew I couldn’t do it… But most importantly… If I broke, then *that girl* would replace me…”

We’ll hear more about this next time, but she’s talking about her best friend from the orphanage. She put herself through what she knew would be literal torture and refused to break under it because if she did, then her best friend would go through that instead. God, Maki is amazing.

(Again, technically none of that really happened to her, but thanks to those fake memories, the person standing here is someone who really would do that kind of thing.)

Shuichi:  “That girl?”

Maki:  “… Sorry… Pretend you didn’t hear any of that just now.”

But it seems like, at least for right now, she’s not quite ready to open up that much. She’ll get there, though.

Kokichi:  “I bumped into Kaito, and he ended up giving me a lecture. He told me to think of a way to escape…”

Kaito has still been trying to get through to Kokichi! He still hasn’t given up on Kokichi and believes there’s some semblance of a decent person inside him who actually wants them all to escape! Kaito is so good.

(It also seems that, despite his earlier declarations, Kaito realised that punching him again might give off the wrong impression and decided to just stick to words this time.)

Kokichi:  “But the only idea I can think of is becoming the blackened myself.”

And… Kaito’s not wrong about Kokichi, but he is underestimating how massively, completely inconceivable it is to Kokichi to actually acknowledge that buried part of himself and start being co-operative. What’s about to happen tonight isn’t going to be for lack of Kaito trying to stop it, but even Kaito isn’t enough here.

Kokichi:  “That’d entertain everyone.”

Which is exactly what Monokuma wants, you are playing right into his hands and you should know this, you goddamn idiot.

Gonta:  “Nrgh… Gonta tired… Gonta think too much…”

Awww, Gonta. He’s been trying so hard.

Gonta:  “Rest is important, too… Gonta have to make sure he not useless when everyone need him!”

“When”. He’s still managing to stay so optimistic that that time will come. (Which it will. Sooner and far more tragically than you think, Gonta. Gaaaaah.)

Anyway, this time, in the very last chance we have for it, we’re hanging out with Kaito. Come on, now – you didn’t really think for a second I was going to go through the story without maxing out his FTEs, did you?

Kaito:  “O-Oh, Shuichi… What’s the matter?”

Just like he did a day ago, Kaito doesn’t seem super-thrilled to suddenly encounter Shuichi wanting to talk to him.

Kaito:  “Yeah, I don’t mind talking, but… My stomach hurts a little. Can we talk somewhere I can rest?”

But this time, he’s actually being somewhat honest about what the problem is. That’s pretty remarkable. Sure, for Kaito to be admitting to Shuichi that his stomach hurts a little, it must really be hurting one hell of a lot, but still. Kaito being willing to show even just a tiny bit of vulnerability in front of his sidekick is such a big deal and warms my heart. It’s okay, Kaito. Shuichi isn’t going to be any less inspired by you just because you’re struggling with a lot of things yourself, you absolute wonderful moron.

Shuichi:  (I spent some time with Kaito… Didn’t he say his stomach hurt last night too? I hope he’s okay…)

I’m sure Kaito hates the fact that his tiny nugget of honesty is making Shuichi worry about him and doesn’t want him to do so at all… but Shuichi absolutely should be worried about his friend.

Kaito:  “Hey, you got a minute? I got something to talk about.”

Shuichi:  “Ah, okay…” (He seems upset…)

Shuichi’s already getting the sense that there’s something more forceful about Kaito than usual as we start the event proper, and boy is there a reason for that.

Shuichi:  (Did I do something to make him angry?)

This, however, is not that reason. But of course Shuichi is lacking enough in self-assurance that he would immediately think this is somehow his fault. Of course it wouldn’t ever occur to him that maybe Kaito has issues and problems of his own and that might be what’s at the root of this rather than Shuichi having done anything wrong. (And this won’t be the only time Shuichi misunderstands Kaito in literally exactly this way.)

Kaito:  “I’m just gonna say it! What are you moping around for!?”

Shuichi:  “What?”

Kaito:  “When my sidekick is moping, it really ticks me off!”

Shuichi:  (I’m… moping?)

Shuichi isn’t moping. He’s still not a shining paragon of confidence or anything, but he’s been able to be a lot stronger and more positive lately. His own reaction to Kaito’s accusation just now shows that even he didn’t really think there was anything he was being particularly negative about, even though Shuichi is usually his own biggest critic.

Kaito disapproves of moping because it’s just wallowing in your negative feelings without making an effort to make it better. But in this context, the effort to make it better that Shuichi is supposedly avoiding would be asking Kaito for help. Right now, “Why are you moping?” really translates to “Why aren’t you letting me help you?”

Kaito:  “I told you, man! Don’t hesitate to talk to me if something’s wrong. But you’re still keeping stuff from me! Am I not reliable enough!? Spit it out! If you bottle everything up, it can’t get fixed!”

What this whole thing really is is Kaito projecting weakness and worries onto Shuichi in another desperate attempt to show that Shuichi still needs his help. His “Am I not reliable enough!?” in particular shows what’s really going on. Kaito is terrified that he really isn’t reliable enough, not now that he’s dying and Shuichi solved the previous trial entirely without him and is seemingly strong enough that maybe he doesn’t really need Kaito’s support any more.

(It could also perhaps seem like Kaito is projecting his own behaviour of hiding his illness from his friends, but like last time, I don’t think the fact that he is incidentally being hypocritical here is the point. If the point was Kaito deflecting, that’d mean that acting like he wants to help Shuichi would just be an excuse to distract from his own problems. But of course Kaito wanting to help Shuichi could never be an excuse – Kaito always wants to help Shuichi, and that’s the real problem.)

Shuichi:  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not looking for advice…”

Kaito:  “You’ve got some guts trying to lie to me.”

Shuichi:  “…”

He’s not lying! Shuichi wouldn’t lie to Kaito, not about his own weaknesses and struggles, nor about wanting Kaito’s advice for his problems. He may sometimes hesitate to talk about what’s bothering him until Kaito prods him a little, but he has never and would never outright lie about it once prodded if something really was wrong. And if that wasn’t proof enough, Shuichi’s staring at Kaito here with a sceptical face like he’s wondering why Kaito even thinks this.

Kaito should know perfectly well that Shuichi isn’t lying here. So it’s really quite delightfully messed up that he would rather tell himself Shuichi is lying to him than face the idea that Shuichi doesn’t need him.

(Even though the only way in which that’s really true is that Shuichi happens to not particularly need his help right now. That’s a completely different thing from not needing him at all… but Kaito doesn’t seem to realise that.)

A couple of times previously, Kaito did a similar thing of starting off a conversation with someone by trying to make it about him listening to their troubles and helping them – once with Kaede in an invitation dialogue, and once in his first FTE with Shuichi. Both those times, though, when they didn’t need to talk to him about anything, he accepted that and was happy to start talking about something else. But not this time.

Kaito:  “Fine then! Listen up…”

Shuichi:  (Kaito encouraged me, complimenting me about my talent.)

If Shuichi isn’t going to ask for Kaito’s help despite Kaito insisting that he totally should be doing so, Kaito’s going to help him anyway, aggressively complimenting him and telling him he’s awesome so that Shuichi can see how inspiring and encouraging and important Kaito still definitely is. (Really, Shuichi had no reason to have ever stopped thinking that about Kaito in the first place, but apparently Kaito doesn’t see it that way.)

You may have noticed from the way I’ve been talking about this event that I’ve been casually assuming despite the flexibility of FTEs that this is definitely taking place during chapter 4, and that all of this is a part of Kaito’s canonical arc that I’ve been talking about the rest of the time. And the thing is, this event really does have to take place in chapter 4, going by the keeping-FTEs-in-line-with-canon logic I’ve been using. Kaito’s fourth FTE mentioned Shuichi being his sidekick, putting that in chapter 3 at the earliest, and while there are two slots in which Kaito is available in chapter 3, the second of those has him already feeling too unwell for it to be believable that a proper FTE would have canonically happened then. So this fifth and final one has to happen, not necessarily this late, but definitely during this chapter.

But even if that weren’t the case, I’d still consider this event practically a canonical part of this chapter. While nothing in it explicitly mentions chapter 4-specific details, this is so clearly written for Kaito’s chapter 4 state of mind as he desperately tries to compensate for the fact that he’s dying by being as helpful as he can to his sidekicks. It fits in beautifully with the rest of the hints toward that we’ve had so far up to this point – in fact, this event is significantly less subtle about it than anything else has been, which is why I’m happy I saved it until the end like this.

Shuichi:  (I should tell him… Then he’d understand why. I told him all about the case that got me the title of Ultimate Detective. I told him everything… so that he would know how untalented I really am.)

However, it seems like all of Kaito’s aggressive compliments just made Shuichi feel like he doesn’t deserve them and actually start to feel bad about himself. Now, at least, he has something to talk about that Kaito might be able to help him with, even though he genuinely didn’t need to talk about this when this conversation began.

(I don’t think Kaito was deliberately intending to bring Shuichi’s issues out by complimenting him, though. That’s far too underhanded and manipulative for Kaito to do no matter what state of mind he’s in. Plus, I’m not sure he’s even that consciously aware of the reasons he’s been acting this way, which he’d have to be for this to be deliberate.)

Kaito:  “I see… So you were chosen after you solved a case.”

Shuichi:  “Yes, and the most important part… I just happened to find some evidence that was missed. I accidentally solved the puzzle. It was all coincidence, happenstance…”

As soon as Kaito says something that puts things in a vaguely positive-sounding light, Shuichi’s immediately jumping to insist that no, that’s not the point, he barely even deserved to solve that case. It’s hard to know how true it is that it was all just a coincidence, but I’m inclined to think it wasn’t. Even if it is just a matter of Shuichi noticing something everyone else missed, that’s still him having better observation skills than anyone else on that case, which is something that’s important for a detective to have. Shuichi’s just likely to not want to give himself enough credit what with how much the outcome of the case traumatised him.

Kaito:  “Geez… You worry about the most trivial stuff, man.”

Kaito, you’re the one who was fishing for Shuichi to be worrying about even the tiniest thing so that you’d have an excuse to help him.

Shuichi:  “You have no right to say that! You don’t know what I’ve been through!”

Kaito:  “Hah! Nice! It’s good to see you actually have some bite to you.”

Shuichi’s response is a dialogue option that I picked, but I like this one, because I enjoy Kaito being proud of him for being able to stand by his own feelings, not even caring that Shuichi doing so involved snapping at him.

(Mind you, Shuichi was also standing by his own feelings earlier when he was asserting that he didn’t need any advice from Kaito right now, and Kaito was much less on board with that, but, you know.)

Regardless, when Kaito said “trivial”, he was really talking about the culprit’s feelings.

Kaito:  “He killed someone and was trying to get away with it! He’s a bad guy!”

This is an instance of Kaito’s often fairly black-and-white way of thinking, but even so, him putting things this simplistically helps Shuichi move away from worrying about how the culprit felt. Even if the guy wanted revenge, that still doesn’t justify murder, so Shuichi was right to expose him for it. Kaede and Kirumi’s crimes so far during this killing game were much less black-and-white, such that Shuichi has a decent reason to feel at least a little bad about cornering them, but that one guy? Screw him, he’s nothing like them.

Kaito:  “If he’d gotten away with it, he’d be crushed by the weight of his guilt. But you got him before that happened! He should be thanking you!”

It’s also very appropriately Kaito of him to see Shuichi’s job of catching criminals as important because it forces the criminals to take responsibility instead of running away from their own actions and the pain they caused. I especially love that Kaito even sees this as a good thing for the culprit himself. This will be a very relevant idea during this upcoming case in particular, in terms of a certain someone Kaito has already been trying to get through to a lot.

Kaito:  “I’ll support you all the way! I know you did the right thing!”

This might still be Kaito overzealously trying to compensate for his own feelings of inferiority, but it’s adorable all the same. This is all Shuichi really needs from him at this point – not necessarily major advice on specific problems, but just knowing that Kaito’s there for him and on his side no matter what. You’re already doing enough, Kaito. Just keep being you.

Kaito:  “And not just with that guy! From now on, if anyone holds a grudge against you… I’ll kick their ass!”

This is not ironic foreshadowing to the extent that one might think, because Kaito is never going to hold a grudge against Shuichi, however much it might seem that way. Of course, Kaito would also definitely want to kick the ass of anyone who even seems to hold a grudge against Shuichi, even briefly, just because doing so would hurt him. So… that’s a thing.

Kaito:  “So you just gotta follow the path you believe in! You’re my sidekick. So don’t hold back, and rely on me whenever you need to!”

These are Kaito’s voiced lines for his final event, and they couldn’t be more appropriate. They’re adorably full of him believing in and supporting Shuichi, with just a dash of that delightful undertone of him desperately wanting Shuichi to still rely on him even if maybe Shuichi doesn’t need to quite as much any more.

Shuichi:  “Kaito… thank you.” (Alright, so he’s foolhardy. But he supports me and expects nothing in return… He does so much for me… I could never turn my back on that. I will never betray his support and trust. I will never break my bond with Kaito!)

While Shuichi is completely oblivious to what’s going on with Kaito and why he’s being so aggressively supportive right now, it’s still just absolutely heartmelting how grateful he is for everything Kaito does for him and trusts him so wholeheartedly in return. For all of Kaito’s issues that this event has been subtly full of, they’re still incredible, adorable friends, which comes across so strongly here. Most FTEs, when they end on emphasising how much the protagonist has become friends with the subject, are kind of dampened by the knowledge that this is just an optional side thing that isn’t really there in the canon storyline. But here, this just serves to highlight the canon adorable friendship between these two even more and I love it.

And if only Kaito could hear everything Shuichi is thinking here. He would never turn his back on you, Kaito! No matter what weaknesses you might have and no matter what mistakes you might make! You have so much less to be afraid of than you think.

Shuichi:  “…I understand, Kaito.”

…Shuichi doesn’t really understand. He only understands the fact that Kaito will always be there for him, and while that’s true (or at least, Kaito has no intention of ever making it untrue), that’s not remotely the full picture here.

Shuichi:  “I will always depend on you.”

This sounds adorable on the surface, but is potentially pretty messed up if you think about it too hard. Ideally, what Shuichi means is, “I will always depend on you when I need to”, which is the healthy way of looking at it – everyone needs to depend on other people sometimes, and it’s great that Kaito will always be there for him during those times.

But… that might not actually be what Shuichi means. I’ve mentioned multiple times that Shuichi is pretty overly dependent, hence him latching onto Kaede and Kaito so easily… so he might be okay with the idea of always needing to depend on on Kaito. Which he shouldn’t! Nobody should want to be constantly dependent on someone else their entire life, and it’s especially unhealthy if it’s on one single person, no matter how reliable and genuinely well-meaning that person may be. Shuichi should want to become someone who doesn’t need to depend on someone else most of the time, even if that someone else is Kaito.

Kaito:  “Yeah! Just leave it to me!”

Under normal circumstances, Kaito would probably be able to pick up on this and recognise that it’s unhealthy and assert that Shuichi should be striving to become more independent. After all, his former sidekicks he mentioned last FTE no longer need him any more, and he seemed perfectly happy with that.

But in the state of mind Kaito’s in by this chapter, he’s not about to do that. Kaito may be a little bit like this even at the best of times, but right now especially he has become incredibly co-dependent – meaning, he’s pathologically dependent on the idea that someone else depends on him. He needs to be needed. And that’s pretty messed up of him too. There is definitely a large part of Kaito that’s worried Shuichi already doesn’t really need him any more – but he’s not letting that part have a say and continuing to insist that of course Shuichi should be constantly depending on him.

Shuichi’s dependency and Kaito’s co-dependency make them a perfect match for each other in a wonderfully messed-up kind of way, and that dysfunctionality lurking beneath the surface is another of the many reasons I enjoy their friendship so much. If it weren’t for this, things wouldn’t be about to fall apart like they do, and this chapter and the beginning of the next wouldn’t be nearly as delightfully heartwrenching.

Shuichi:  (Kaito’s smile was as bright as starlight. I couldn’t help but smile back.)

Bright like he’s a luminary or something! Space imagery! FRIENDS.

Shuichi:  (…Everything is going to be okay. As long as we have this, we can move forward.)

Oh boy, it sure—

isn’t going to be even remotely okay barely twenty-four hours from now.

Shuichi:  (Sometimes I feel as though I’m dragging him down, but I know I’ll catch up one day.)

You’re not, though, Shuichi! This could not be more completely opposite of how Kaito sees things! Kaito feels like he’s the one dragging Shuichi down, which is precisely why we just had this whole event of him desperately trying to show that he isn’t and that Shuichi can still benefit from his support! But Kaito has apparently managed to successfully convince Shuichi that he’s completely invincible and doesn’t have any problems of his own, so Shuichi has no goddamn clue.

Shuichi:  (I bet he’d laugh and tell me I have a lot of nerve for a sidekick.)

He wouldn’t, though. The entire point of Kaito’s sidekicks is supposed to be that one day they’ll reach even greater heights than him – we went over that in his previous FTE. Kaito should laugh and then tell Shuichi how proud he is of him for coming this far. I guess Shuichi genuinely never did realise that most of the reason Kaito was telling him about his former sidekicks was to imply that the same thing applies to him.

Or, at least… Kaito should show pride in Shuichi if Shuichi ever overtook him. But that’s Kaito at the best of times, and those are not the times he’s in right now.

In the report card summary for this event, there’s also a very similar line to the one from before:

“Kaito, I know it seems as though you’re dragging me along, but I’ll be right there beside you.”

This is such a delightfully ironic line, and the writers clearly knew exactly how important it is since they essentially included it twice. Oh, Shuichi, if only you had any idea just how completely backwards you have it. If only Kaito would tell you what’s really going on in his head, and then you could support him in return and help him figure things out. But then, this is Kaito we’re talking about here.

All of Kaito’s previous FTEs featured him talking about himself, like FTEs are supposed to. And in general, the final event in particular is meant to involve the subject talking about their biggest issues now that they feel comfortable doing so because of their growing friendship with the protagonist, and maybe having the protagonist help them a little with that. But in Kaito’s final one, he doesn’t talk about himself at all. Because of course Kaito would never talk about his issues, especially not to Shuichi, who needs to see him as strong and invincible in order to be able to rely on him, or so Kaito is irrationally convinced. (And if he somehow miraculously did talk about his issues and Shuichi helped him with them, that’d probably mean that what’s about to happen in the main storyline shouldn’t happen the way it does any more, which we absolutely can’t have.)

Yet this final free time event of Kaito’s still manages to be thoroughly about his issues, not even despite the fact that he doesn’t talk about himself and makes it all about Shuichi’s issues instead, but precisely because of it. It is so appropriate for Kaito that things should be this way, and I love it.

---

[Next post]

[calleo-bricriu]

Gotta be honest: I dislike that "OC Struggles in the RPC" post that occasionally hits my dash.

This one, right here.

In short, because it comes off very, "If you won't RP with my OC you're an elitist dick" even though I'm certain that wasn't the OP's intent.

But, as someone who has been writing the same Harry Potter OC (this one, right here) since 2001 and has played dozens of OCs in MMO settings, D&D, etc...starting from about 1988 on through now, let me just address the post point by point.

1. "That soul crushing feeling when you see 'no OCs' in someone's rules."

That's a you problem.

Nobody is obliged to write with you.

Perhaps that person has had numerous poor experiences with OC players in the past and just wants to avoid it happening entirely.

Perhaps they find it difficult to find ways to interact with OCs.

Perhaps they simply don't care for OCs when there are dozens of canon characters, including characters that are so minor that they might as well be a skeleton outline of a character.

None of those are invalid reasons and none of those are personal insults toward your OC or your writing; grow up and move on.

2. "Constantly having to dumb down your canon"

Look, if you're finding multiple people over multiple fandoms are telling you that your OC is too overpowered--just to cram it all into one word--you do need to stop and consider if they may be right and, if they are, if you care enough to change it.

There have been times I've looked at criticism I've had on Calleo and decided, "Yeah, they're right, that is a bit much" and other times when I've decided that yes, they are correct, but I don't care because I'm having fun as are the people I write with, and times where I've just plain disagreed.

It's also possible that your OC just isn't a good fit for whatever person is telling you that, and that's nobody's fault; not everybody likes the same things.

3. "Adjusting to adapted canons"

Literally nobody is forcing you to do this.

Everyone makes concessions now and again so things mesh with the group, that's part of what roleplaying is: A group activity.

If you feel as though you shouldn't have to adjust to someone else's adapted canon the problem is on your end and you're clearly not a good fit for the other player so maybe look elsewhere.

4. "The amount of your own canon and lore you have to sacrifice to do that."

Again, nobody is forcing you to do so.

This comes up a lot with people whose OCs are related to major canon characters and some of it is a big reason why it's generally recommended to not try and write those outside of established games.

In established games, the other players know this aspect of your character and, since you're part of the game, have implicitly agreed to go along with it.

For independent blogs, it does take longer to find regular RP partners because by having a backstory like that, it can feel like you're trying to force your, let's call it, adapted canon, onto canon and not everyone is going be on board with that idea or, at the very least, are implying that anyone who writes with you has to go along with it.

Again, that is not their fault and it doesn't mean you can't write an OC like that but you do need to be aware that if you choose to have something like that in your character's background, it's going to make it more difficult to find regular canon RP partners and that fact is entirely your fault, not the people who RP canon characters.

Same applies for those times when your OC has multiple rare abilities; the abilities might be canon but, sticking with Harry Potter as it's the main fandom I play in, if your character is a genius at everything, has the Standard Abusive Upbringing, is a metamorphamagus, is an animagus (usually unregistered and mastered by age 12 or so), is part-something-not-human, is a "transfer student to Hogwarts", is a major canon character's until now unknown sibling/cousin/best childhood friend, can cast all sorts of difficult magic before they even hit school because they're just that smart, is an orphan, and can sass Voldemort to his face without consequences--people aren't really going to want to write with you for several reasons.

- It looks like you haven't fleshed the character out well and are just throwing a pot of tropes at the wall to see what sticks.

- Writing with characters like that always feels like a dick measuring contest and if you dare try to hint that the OC might not be better at or just as good at something as a canon character, the most typical response is for the OC's player to get mad and tell you you're being elitist or bullying them.

5. "When you mention wanting to write a canon, people that have never shown any real interest in your OC jump out of the woodwork to encourage you to do it."

Yeah, there's no polite way to say this: If this is what happens to you, it generally means your OC is poorly thought out and can only hit one note (i.e. YOU only show interest in writing certain things; angst, shippy threads, etc...but never want to branch out to anything else) in your writing. That gets boring after awhile.

In short, your OC is probably a little boring and a little two dimensional and the reason your friends are encouraging you to write a canon is because they don't want to tell you that and know that a canon will be more interesting on virtue of you not having to make up all the source material the way you  have to do with an OC.

6. "When you do it, that canon gets more attention than your OC ever did."

See #5. Your OC was probably a kinda dull one trick pony and your friends were trying to be nice about it.

7. "The alternative of that: When your first character was canon and you transition to writing an OC, people suddenly disappear."

See #5. Your OC was probably a kinda dull one trick pony in comparison to the canon character you were writing, and your friends were trying to be nice about it.

8. "Fandom OCs that outgrow their fandoms and muns tha tfeel they have nowhere to put them."

That's lack of creativity on your part, not an "OC struggle".

This character of mine has had fragments of his personalty spawn off into roughly thirty or so different characters across multiple fandoms. On occasion, I've directly ported him into another fandom, just changing the Harry Potter specific things into things that fit the new fandom.

9. "Endlessly worrying if your character is too sue-ish, even after x-amount of years."

Stop caring.

Seriously, stop caring.

Caring about that usually ends up making you kind of less than fun to write with on an OOC level and on an IC level most people take it too far in the other extreme and end up with a character that's about as engaging as wet cardboard.

Not to mention, no matter what you do, there are always going to be people who will think your OC is "too sue-ish" no matter what, simply because they're an OC.

Focus more on people who are interested in your OC and not on the people who don't like your OC (and block them if you have to). You'll have a lot less stress and a lot more fun that way.

If you can't stop caring due to anxiety, get to a therapist and get on meds or--stop roleplaying until you get your house in order. If you get that stressed over roleplaying, it's not worth your mental health to continue; just go write fanfic.

10-13. All the stuff about female OCs being held to higher standards than male OCs.

This, unfortunately, is true. It's extra true if you're a female OC that gets into any sort of relationship, platonic or otherwise, with a canon character.

It's a pretty across all fandoms thing too, and it's definitely unfair.

I know 100% that if Calleo were a female OC, he would not have even a fraction of the interactions and threads that I have with him; people would think he's bitchy, stuck up, and annoying as all hell--and he is, but he's a guy, so it somehow funny and endearing I guess.

I think he’s often bitchy, stuck up, and annoying as all hell and I’ve been writing him for close to 20 years now.

He'd also probably be written off as some kind of slut because I've always written him as being in open relationships and often having multiple open relationships going at one time.

14. "People assuming simple, stupid things"

Yeah, that's not OC specific. Not even close. It's good form to always read someone's about and rules page, even if it's a canon character, because nobody plays even canon characters exactly the same.

15. "Feeling like you have to jump through hoops to keep up with everyone else and keep your character fresh and interesting so people don't lose interest."

Again, this is not an OC specific thing. Canon, unless a series is ongoing, is pretty finite, and anyone writing any character has to keep their character fresh and interesting and not just write variants of the same thing over and over or people will get bored of them as well.

A pretty good litmus test here is to look at it and see if it's just one or two people who lost interest or if it was a whole lot of them.

If it was just one or two people, that sucks, but it happens. We've all been dropped at some point.

If it's a LOT of people, it's time to take a close look at your OC and what you're writing to make sure you haven't just turned into--well, the literary equivalent of wet cardboard.

16. "Canon blogs that shit on OCs--you realize you were OCs too right? What would the original writer of your canon think?"

Well, if it's Anne Rice, she'll probably think to send a cease & desist.

That joke aside, be glad they do; it's a big red flag to avoid them as they're likely overall unpleasant people even if their writing is good. It also saves you from wasting your time trying to interact/write with them.

Remember that part about not focusing on the people who aren't interested in writing with you? Go read it again.

17. "No seriously, it can be so discouraging writing an OC. How many ideas are you killing by snubbing OCs? The future of creative media is in our hands."

Miss me with this emotionally manipulative bullshit.

Nobody is obliged to write with you and nobody is obliged to like your OC.

If a canon blog rejecting your OC is enough to kill your ideas, that's your problem, not the canon blog writer's problem.

If you can't find someone to RP your ideas with you and you really like those ideas, I'd suggest writing fanfic.

If you really want to RP those ideas, you'll either have to keep looking until you find someone who also wants to RP those ideas, or you'll have to be willing to do some compromising to make those ideas work in a way that other players will find interesting.

If your OC always has to be center stage and the best at everything, or you only want to write ship threads, or you only want to do angst, or your OC is always being injured, nearly killed, in emotional distress, etc...all the damn time, that gets boring for everyone else really quickly.

That's a you problem, not an other writers problem.

18. "Has someone stolen my canon?"

Look, if the stuff further up on this list is an issue for you, I guarantee you nobody has stolen your canon.

In general, nobody will steal your canon; there are not infinite numbers of ideas and tropes are very common both in canon canon and for OCs.

Unless someone straight up lifted everything about your character and just changed the name and whatever face claim you're using, there's about a 0 % chance they stole your ideas.

19. "Is my canon too similar to someone else's?"

See the bit in #18 about common tropes; given that, probably.

The bigger question is does it bother you enough to rework your OC? If it doesn't, stop caring.

If it does, get to work reworking your OC.

20. "Do they think I stole their canon?"

Have they said something? Do you have overlapping RP circles? No? Then they probably don't know you exist, let alone think you've stolen from them.

21. "And what do you do when somebody does steal your canon? It can be so hard to prove and it's so easy for it to be dismissed."

If it's hard to prove, it's too generic to have been stolen unless they just did a direct copy paste.

22. "Having your OC written off because of the face claim choice - that face is constantly typecast, nobody takes it seriously, they've been overplayed and ruined."

The only people I've had, 7 years of Tumblr RP, give two fucks about face claims are:

- Control freak admins of organized games that usually fall apart within 6 months due to drama typically caused by the control freak admins. I actually had one game have the admins get angry at me because I wouldn't stop doing cosplay for Calleo's pictures and just pick a celebrity.

Bullet dodged there.

- People who are also just generally unpleasant OOC; if a face claim alone is enough to make someone not want to RP with you (and it's not a case where the person whose face it actually is has been clear about them being uncomfortable with people using their pictures in that manner), that's a red flag that that person, if you somehow still want to write with them after seeing that, will likely be incredibly, bizarrely dramatic in all the wrong ways.

Sure, some of them are fine and they just have a hard time picturing an OC who also looks uncannily like Taylor Swift, but people who have things in their rules about refusing to write with people who use certain icons should be taken as either a red flag or a, "Well, I dodged a bullet here."

Also, in case nobody has told you this: Icons are not necessary for RP. They often add absolutely nothing to the post or thread that isn’t just as easily accomplished by using words. There’s nothing wrong with using icons but, you know, run far, far away from people who require that you use them.

Maybe instead of getting into the mindset that nobody wants to write with your OC because they’re an OC, take a look at your OC, ask people to give you honest and constructive feedback about the character (even if they tell you things you might not want to hear), consider working on your OOC personality as the victim mentality or using emotional manipulation about ~*~*how hard~*~* it is to write an OC to try and guilt people into writing with you is incredibly off putting on every level.

The more someone whines and complains about how nobody wants to write with them, honestly, the less interested I become in writing with them.

You also have to put some effort in, and that includes answering submitted memes or people who write you starters (or like an open starter call from you); if you fail to do that more often than not (and no, ‘low/no muse’ is not an excuse when you use it all the time, especially when you clearly have muse and are responding to whatever Themed Thing--usually angst or shipping--you get but ignore anything else or take ages to reply to anything else), the people sending those things in will assume you’re just not interested in writing with them and will stop trying.

And, bottom line?

If even you can’t sell your OC as being interesting and write off lack of interest from others as Unfairness Toward OCs, why should anyone else be interested?

If you have an OC that’s legitimately interesting, engaging, and not based around generally disliked tropes (across fandoms those are usually related to a canon character, multiple rare abilities, the OC being able to somehow always ignore or overtly go against social norms and suffer exactly zero consequences--or worse--be adored and admired for it by everyone, and Not From Around Here, in that order), and aren’t unpleasant OOC, people will want to write with you.

If you don’t, well, that’s your problem, and no amount of posting about how hard OCs have it will make people interested.