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sailoryooons · 8 months

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Bust | KTH | (m)

☾ Pairing: Heistman!Taehyung x f. Reader

☾ Summary: Seeing a beautiful man in the middle of a bank robbery is unusual. Seeing him again afterward is even more unlikely… and yet not unlucky.

☾ Word Count: 2,211

☾ Genre: Criminal, Smut, PWP

☾ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content and any minors discovered reading or engaging with this work will be blocked immediately.

☾ Warnings: Bank robbery, light depiction of fear/anxiety, mentions of poor financial situations and money-related stress, recreational drinking, ‘good girl’ petname, explicit language, sexually explicit content including oral (f. receiving), biting, spanking, implied body worship kind of, a hint of overstim, bodily fluids and cum-eating.

☾ Published: Monday, January 15, 2024

☾ A/N: This is an idea I randomly spoke about forever ago in a TikTok DM with @gimmethatagustd and this is strictly written to ruin their entire life tonight. I hope it works idk osifodigjoijg.

☾ A/N 2: Tonight is number four for my 100 Drabble Challenge and I rolled number 24 for criminals! I hope you enjoy my depraved thoughts of Taehyung in that GOD DAMN SQUID GAME OUTFIT AT PTD. MY MASK KINK DOESN’T MAKE AN APPEARANCE BUT BE FUCKING SURE IT WILL ONE DAY. HE MADE ME INSANE.

☾ Disclaimer: All members of BTS are faces and name claims for this story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. Any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real-life scenarios.

Main Masterlist ☾ 100 Drabble Masterlist ☾ Ask ☾ Song Inspiration ☾

Sweat beads down your back, the trickle of it slower than the clock ticking above your head. Time seems to slow as you sit on a carpet that hasn’t been steam cleaned since the 80s and push yourself against the wall, eyes glued to the open vault.

It had happened so fast and yet now, it’s like it can’t be over fast enough. Each second that ticks by feels like it takes a year. You cannot hear the chatter of the men inside the vault, but their harsh whispers raise goosebumps on your skin.

At least they haven’t noticed you. Not that you would do much, anyway. You have no intention of going over to push the alarm by the door, too afraid to alert the armed man who stands just outside the vault room on the other side, and far too underpaid to risk your life for a financial institution.

For a moment, you wish it were you robbing the damned bank. Maybe you could pay off the student loans on your degree you’re not using and run the heating in your apartment during the winter instead of bundling up in several layers.

Your momentary lapse of delusion passes as the men rush out of the vault, duffles in hand. They’re all dressed in red, black masks covering their faces with shapes on them. You’re vaguely aware that the costume belongs to some sort of show you saw online, but you can’t place them.

Perhaps you’ll watch it now.

“Hurry up,” one of the men barks toward the vault. There had been three inside, but only two came out. “Grab the last and let’s go. Two minutes left.”

They’re gone in an instant. Your eyes dart back to the vault where you can hear the last person inside. Glancing at the clock, you watch the seconds tick by.

Ten seconds. Fifteen. Thirty. A minute.

A man dressed in a red suit, hood pulled over his head comes out of the vault. As he slugs it shut with one arm, the bag on his shoulder droops, spilling the contents inside out onto the floor. Bands of cash fall out, thudding around his feet. He swears loudly and bends over, back slipping more to drop cash on the ground.

In his frustration, he crouches and tips the mask up a fraction, shielding his face from the camera above but not from you, huddled on the floor a few feet away.

Your heart skips. The thief is beautiful. Dark eyes focused on his task, a wide nose that fits perfectly on a symmetrical face with high cheekbones, a sharp jawline, and a pursed mouth. There’s a flush in his face from the heat, the tip of his nose an endearing shade of rose.

As if sensing your gaze, his head snaps up. You cower against the wall, realizing now that you’ve seen his face, you’ve doomed yourself. He stalls completely, gloved hand hovering over the cash, eyes boring into you. He arches a brow as if to ask you a question and you respond by shaking your head.

The thief gives you a cocky grin, nodding before he finishes picking up the money and tossing it into the bag. He looks at you again, a smirk on full display before he winks and pulls the mask back down. “Good girl,” he purrs. “I like that.”

Despite the situation, your stomach flips. He stands and rushes out, lingering by the door for a second longer to stare at you through the black mask. You can’t see his face, but you know you’ll never forget it, pretty as an angel, dangerous as a devil.

When the group is gone, you wait in silence, only the pumping of your heart to keep you company. When the cops come and ply you with questions all you can do is shake your head repeatedly.

I was too scared. I can’t remember.

It is the same thing you tell investigators for nearly two months. Just when you think they won’t keep asking what the man looked like, they finally drop it, handing over the robbery details to the FBI. They were at least a little less callous, caring a little less about how many questions you answered.

If you had to guess, your unimpressive financial situation even after the robbery was significant enough that you weren’t involved with the robbery.

It’s hard not to wish you had been. The straw in your mouth belongs to a drink that is far too expensive for you to not wince and it barely tastes like anything. At this rate, you know you won’t get a buzz. You’d love alcohol to take the edge off of the loud club music or loosen you up a bit, but you’re resigned to being sober for the rest of your friend's birthday.

Around you is a gaggle of men and women, both people you know and new faces trying to pick up your friends. Anyone trying to hit on you has already decided you’re far too grumpy to waste time on, most of their backs facing you as people shout over the music about working in finance.

You wonder if they also rob banks in their spare time. It makes you grin, thinking fondly about the thief once again. You do that a lot.

Sipping the drink, you glance at your phone. It’s been an hour since you arrived, but you’re wondering if enough time has reasonably passed to excuse yourself. Tomorrow is one of your few days off and you intend to spend it lounging on the couch watching TV instead of nursing a headache.

Someone slides into the space at the bar next to you. You don’t glance up at them, spinning your skinny cocktail straw absently as you stare at the melted ice of your Long Island iced tea. You hoped that once it melted it would turn into a second drink, but it hasn’t. Cold, bitter water it is, then.

“Why the long face?” You frown at the vaguely familiar voice and glance up, freezing.

Mr. Bank Robber looks down at you, cocking his head to the side with a wolfish grin. Your mouth pops open in surprise, leaning back a little as you drink him in. This close, he is far more beautiful than you remember, the edges and shadows of his face like a carefully painted fresco. Michelangelo could hardly be talented enough to capture this.

“You,” you whisper, his grin spreading further.

“Have we met?” he leans on the bar, dressed in all black. You eye the three-piece suit and the glinting diamonds in the cuff links. His clothes are far finer than anything anyone else is wearing and when you breathe in sharply, you smell a hint of woody cologne. His dark hair is slicked back and you catch the dainty hoop earrings in his lobes. You like the juxtaposition.

“You know we have.” He tongues the inside of his cheek, turning his head to order with the bartender. His eyes stray to you, raising a brow. You supply him with your answer, “A long island.”

The bartender nods, momentarily stupefied by the heistman’s beauty before walking over to the POS, tapping the screen with the speed and aggression unique to bartenders.

“Kind of a shitty club,” he mentions, looking around over the top of your head. Sweat clings to your lower back, your mouth growing dry as you watch colors splash on his face. “Your face is too pretty for a place like this.”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm.” The bartender puts the drinks on the counter and the man gives him cash, signaling to keep the change. The bartender raises a brow but says nothing, taking the money as he goes. “What’s your name?”

“You probably already know it.” He cocks his head to the side. “I’m sure you looked me up to see if I was a threat or watched me to see what I’d do.”

“You watch too many heist movies.”

“Maybe I watch just enough.”

He laughs at that and your lips twitch. It’s rich, making his face intimidating as he gives you a wide smile and shakes his head. “Alright, maybe you’re right.”

“Can I know your name?”

“For the right price.”

“My silence was a pretty petty, no?”

He bites his bottom lip, eyes dipping down and back up. You sip your drink, feeling a flush of warmth unfurl in your body, most notably between your legs. “I like you.”

“You have to like me. I know your secret.”

Leaning forward, he ducks down so that he’s murmuring into your ear, hot breath ghosting your skin and making you tremble. “Want to hear more?” Your eyelids flutter as he waits, skin buzzing at his sudden proximity. You nod, feeling lightheaded. “My name is Taehyung. Want to get out of here?”

“Fuck,” Taehyung growls, hands skimming your bare sides. You can’t keep still under his gaze, hips squirming and fingers twisting in the sheets. His mouth is swollen and covered in your spit, his eyes blown as a large hand scrapes down to your thigh where he gives you a good slap. “I knew you were a good girl.”

A moan trips out of your mouth. Your thigh stings where he slapped you but he soothes it with the easy back-and-forth motion of his hand, his fingers digging into your flesh. Taehyung is a man starved, having littered your body with harsh kisses and bites, nearly breaking the skin.

You don’t care. You’re feverish for him, room spinning as you sprawl on his soft sheets in a hotel room that is far nicer than anything you’ve ever been in. You burn up like a star, core raging as Taehyung leans back down, pressing your naked thighs open for him as he sucks the skin of your chest between his teeth.

Everything aches. You want him so bad that you feel a cry come out of your mouth, lips wobbling as he laughs against your skin, sinking lower and lower, mouth loud as he sucks at your skin, tongue brushing over the sting of his teeth.

“Does my good girl need her pussy eaten?” Taehyung rasps, looking up at you where he kneels between your legs. “Is that why you’re crying, hmm?”

Taehyung looks like something out of a thriller. His eyes are dark and hungry, his shadowed face becoming some sort of demon of lust. He’s what you would imagine a dark god. A bacchanal devil, a creature made for sin.

All you can do is nod in response, feeling Taehyung’s vicious grip on your thighs as he presses you further, your muscles stretching. The strain feels good, as does the slow drip of your cunt down the curve of your ass mixed with his breath.

“So messy,” he murmurs, leaning forward and blowing cool air on your sticky folds. You squirm, the sensation sending you into overdrive as you twist your head to the side, eyes squeezed shut. He’s barely done a thing and you’re worked up more than you can ever recall. “Pretty.”

The slow, soft press of Taehyung’s tongue through your pussy makes you sag. It’s the relief that you so desperately needed, eyes rolling back as he circles your clit and drags his tongue back down. Taehyung is slow as he eats you out, tongue savoring every drop you can give him.

He taps your thigh, drawing your attention to him. He smirks as his tongue dips into your entrance, dragging back up to swirl around your throbbing bud a few times.

It’s impossible to tear your eyes away once you’re watching. Taehyung keeps his razor-sharp gaze on you, bringing his mouth fully to your cunt as he sucks eagerly. There is a rhythm to the curl of his tongue and the sharp suck of his lips, the wet smack of his ministrations driving you crazy.

“Mmm,” he hums, pressing his face in further. He’s messy with it, his jaw and nose covered in shiny slick. He laughs throatily when your back comes off the bed, thighs shaking. “Such a good pussy, just like I knew it would be.”

It feels too hot in the room. Your breaths are coming in too fast and there’s nothing you can do to catch it, Taehyung working you up to a frenzied, frenetic orgasm. You can feel your heartbeat in your ears, pumping so hard that you think you might need to stop.

And then you break.

Your body seizes as you come, a scream ripping through your mouth as Taehyung slurps hungrily at your mess, spurred by your release. You can’t stop shaking as he dives in, unwilling to stop until you’re babbling, nearly lifeless as the orgasm teeters into overstimulation.

Only then does Taehyung pull his mouth away, trailing wet, cum-spit kisses on your inner thigh, nipping your thigh here and there.

“Think you can take more?” he asks, slurring his words against your thigh. “Think you can take my cock.”

You nod eagerly, hand letting go of the sheets and reaching toward him. “Yes.”

“Mmm good. I’m about to bust.” He bites your knee. “And I don’t mean a bank, this time.”

#taehyung smut #kim taehyung smut #bts smut #taehyung fic #taehyung fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfic #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #v smut #bts v

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zia-saturn · 1 month

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Vibe [AU fic] Intro

SUMMARY: You offered to take Shigaraki's virginity. You wondered how he was going to fulfill your sexual appetite. You could tell he was eager to please. You roused something in him, an insatiable man that could not get enough of you. You had Shigaraki so sprung like crazy.

Virgin! Shigaraki/ Thicc! Reader

Virgin! Shigaraki/ Curvy! Reader

18+ readers only

❌MDNI❌

[DISCLAIMER: The characters respectfully belongs to the creator of 僕のヒーローアカデミア Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia, Kohei Horikoshi.

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of the respective owners. The author of the fanfiction is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.]

MATURE CONTENT WARNING: This fanfiction is intended for mature audiences only.

This story contains explicit adult sexual content. If you are easily offended or are under the age of 18, please leave now. Reader discretion is advised.

•••°°°°••••°°°°••••

"Where in the hell is he?" You stepped out of the doors of the lecture hall, tapping your thumb on the keypad to your phone. You checked what time it was on the screen. It was almost the late morning, going into the early afternoon hours.

As your last lecture came to an end that day, you had plans to meet up with your partner for your project that was assigned to the both of you by your professor.

Shigaraki Tomura was the person who you were partnered with. You tried to get a good look at him but his face was mostly obscured by his long, ruffled cyan hair and black hoodie. His head was panned down as his eyes stared at his notebook throughout the entire lecture.

If you were fast enough, you could find him.

Or so you hoped.

But still, you knew that there was a possibility that he couldn't have gotten that far in such a short amount of time. You underestimated his ability to slip away undetected into the crowd. Immediately, you could feel a hint of annoyance begin to grow.

The stress of having demanding courses, running an online side business, working a day job and graduating was getting to you. There was definitely a heavy load on your shoulders. You hardly had any time to sit down and blink your eyes for a lousy few seconds. Your life after graduation would be even tougher as you would be entering nursing school.

One of the few things that brought comfort to you was Spring Break. That was one of your most favorite times of the year. You along with other friends had the money saved up to travel to the Bahamas that year. Things always get wild each and every Spring Break vacation you go on. Just recalling the memories made you blush and a bit wet from time to time.

The previous year was a vacation that you will most definitely hold dear to your heart and your libido. It was full of exhibitionism, voyeurism and non-stop sex marathons day in and day out. You had most of your sexual crusades saved on video in your phone. Once in a while, you like to watch videos of yourself getting fucked as you spend your lone nights pounding yourself with your favorite ribbed dildo.

•••°°°°••••°°°°••••

You stopped at a cafe nearby the campus to grab yourself two strawberry cheese Danishes to go. The wait was about three to four minutes. You politely thanked the employees at the cash register and bid them a good day.

As you turned to leave the cafe, your eyes caught the sight of an individual sitting at the corner of the cafe, near the back. It looked like he had chosen that seat so that nobody would bother him, almost as if he was sequestering himself from the other patrons on purpose.

The first thing you noticed about him was his very pale skin. It was almost translucent. He was quite thin as well. He wore an oversized black hoodie that was pulled over his head so that you barely noticed his tousled locks of cyan hued hair.

You immediately recognized him from class. What a relief that you were able to find him without going through any kind of extensive searching and scouring around the entire campus. All of his attention was towards his phone that he had in his hand. He was so immersed in the screen that he did not even notice that you were walking towards him.

"Oh! Thank goodness I found you." You sighed, feeling at ease. "You left before I had the chance to talk to you. I wanted to discuss the group project that we were assigned earlier." You clutched your books against your chest. A cute taupe pleather purse was strapped to your shoulders with your pastries safely wrapped inside of it.

His head shot up as soon as he heard your voice. It took one second to gather your thoughts when his eyes met yours. You hardly saw a person with scarlet eyes before. You wondered if he wore contact lenses or if those red eyes were his natural eye color.

"Hmm? Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that." The blue haired young man muttered under his breath before turning his attention back to his phone.

You noticed how standoffish he was but it wasn't a personal snub towards you. He displayed the same behavior towards everybody he crossed paths with.

You were concerned about his flippant attitude towards the project because it would count for a huge chunk of your grade. It was important for you to graduate with an excellent GPA.

"So, you almost forgot about it? Well, I'm already stressing out about it and it's hardly been thirty minutes since class was dismissed. I need to pass the course with flying colors. I'm a senior. This is my last semester here. I graduate this coming May. I am going for my bachelors and after, I'm planning on going to nursing school to become a registered nurse." You explained to him, tucking a lone strand of hair behind your ear. He did not budge when he heard your statement.

"If you don't mind me asking, what year are you in?" You asked Tomura in an attempt to make small talk. Creating a sense of familiarity through constant communication was an excellent way to build a healthy partnership with another person. You genuinely wanted to get to know him. It was important that you were able to break the ice with him.

Tomura, on the other hand, felt the opposite. His prejudgments and assumptions lead him to believe that you were like all of the other ditzy whores running around campus. He was certain that you were trying to exploit him for resources or his intelligence. You seemed like the type. Otherwise, why would a pretty lady like you be talking to him? The bitter raging cynic in him told him to put all his emotional walls up around him.

"Sophomore." Tomura simply stated.

He really did not notice you in his class but he really did not notice anyone in general. His main focus was getting the course material, taking the necessary notes and then leaving before anyone had the chance to speak to him. He tried his best to avoid socializing because that was definitely not his strong suit.

However, that did not stop him from observing you from head to toe.

Plump glossy lips, doe shaped eyes, long thick wavy hair and hourglass shape? Even though you wore loose fitting hospital scrubs, your curves were still noticeable, especially your backside. Your ass was nice and round and your thighs were another story. They were thick and juicy. You were a whole snack.

You took a seat and sat in front of him. You had a few minutes to spare before your shift at the University's hospital were to start. "I don't mean to bug you but, I would just like to know our general plans for the project. We could worry about the details later."

Tomura's was so relieved that the project did not have any speaking parts. That part was optional. "Well, you don't have to worry about that. I'll do 90 percent of the work if that's what you want."

You frowned slightly at his assumption of you being lazy. The man did not know you from a can of paint. If he walked a mile in your shoes for just one day, he would know how much of your schedule consisted of non-stop work day in and day out. There was an itch inside of you that wanted to give him a piece of your mind and set him straight.

Tomura definitely lacked a lot in the personality and the socialization department. You wanted to be mature about this and find a way to reach some kind of middle ground with him.

"Listen." The tone in your voice was much stern than before but you were able to remain calm. "I really want to contribute to the project. I would feel like a failure if I just let you do all the work yourself. This is supposed to be teamwork. I'm willing to work with you if you would just give me a chance." As you finished your statement, you sat up straight and crossed your arms.

Tomura just blinked his eyes and observed your body language. His curiosity about you began to grow. There was something about the way you showed your confidence when it came to voicing your needs and expectations.

"I guess we could work together if you're willing to do your share. You seem genuine enough." He gave a stiff nod of approval.

"What makes you think that I wasn't being genuine in the first place?" Your tone was a bit softer.

"I don't feel like explaining myself but, women in the past usually left most of the workload up to me and just pretended as if I did not exist once they got what they wanted from me…" He explained with a hint of bitterness in his tone. It made him angry just recalling what happened in the past.

"So, you just assumed that I was going to do the same thing to you? Is that it?" Your eyes narrowed a bit, trying to remain sympathetic towards him.

"To be honest? Yes." He bluntly answered, crossing his arms.

"Well, I'm not like them." You rolled your eyes at his subtle hostility. "Not all women are the same just like all men aren't the same. I believe in the philosophy of 'treat others how you would like to be treated'. Like I said before, I'm willing to work with you if you're willing to cooperate with me."

"Ah. Smart, genuine and pretty. I don't see any of your types around here too often." Tomura tossed you a snide smirk your way.

"Trust me; there are plenty of women who are very beautiful and kind hearted out there in the world. It would not hurt to step outside more and socialize." Then, you checked your phone for the time. You had about two minutes before you had to leave for work.

Tomura made a grunt of annoyance and checked his phone too. He did not want anyone to tell him what to do or where to go. He absolutely hated going outside, not to mention his socializing skills were terribly weak, almost non-existent. He spent most of his free time cooped up in his dorm gaming and studying.

You quietly observed Tomura as he took his free hand to scratch his nails onto the flesh on the side of his neck to satiate the irritating itch that was bugging him ever since you began speaking to him.

It was apparent that he was dealing with some personal issues that had him in the state that he was in. Everything from his skin to his physical stature was in need of some positive modification of care. You wanted to give Tomura some advice on how to improve his physical health but, you decided that it would be best to keep your comments to yourself. That did not stop you from being concerned for him. It seemed like he could use a positive influence in his life. He could use a person who could help him get out of his shell.

However, you could definitely be of some assistance when it came to his skin care. Most of his exposed flesh looked so dry and flaky, especially around his mouth.

"I noticed that you have the habit of scratching your neck. Is there anything wrong? Is it a rash?" You asked Tomura.

"Um…" Tomura's eyes darted downwards, focusing on his foot as he tried his best to avoid making eye contact with you. It was evident that he was ashamed of his habit. "It's kinda…hard to explain."

Your observation wasn't meant to be taken as scorn or criticism against him and you wanted him to know that. "Sweetie. I would highly suggest that you stop because your skin could get infected or you might give yourself a permanent scar around that area. I could give you some of my custom made home remedies for skin care. They're all handmade and mixed by me. I usually sell them online just to make some extra cash on the side."

Tomura kept quiet as he glared at you with suspicion.

"Don't worry. It's not a pyramid scheme and I'm not trying to recruit you into anything. I am the boss of my own side business and I work for no one but myself. No one is working above me or beneath me. I am the sole proprietor. As a matter of fact, I will give you some of my products free of charge." You assured him with a friendly smile.

Tomura did not know what to think about your kind gesture. It really confused him for a moment and he had trouble finding proper words to say to you. "Oh really? I mean, you really don't have to—"

"I know I don't have to, but I want to." You reassured him, placing a hand gently on top of his. You wanted to show him that you meant well by him and that you actually cared for him.

This was a VERY rare occurrence of a beautiful woman showing enough interest to even help him with anything. You were so kind and patient towards him.

However, a hint of cynicism kept prodding his thoughts.

Then…

Those cynical thoughts spiraled and led him to accusing you of feeling pity for him as if he was a sad charity case that had no hope in life. Afterwards, there came a flood of self defeating thoughts. Those thoughts usually held him back from moving further in life as far as relationships and friendships were concerned.

This was feeling a bit too intense for him at the moment. He needed the time to process the events that just took place.

"I will let you know if I need anything." He stated in a curt tone.

You had the feeling that he was overwhelmed so you decided to leave him alone to have his space. Besides, it was time for you to head off to work anyway.

You stood up from your chair and bid him a good day. "Okay. I'll see you next week."

Tomura meekly waved at you and watched you leave the cafe. His scarlet eyes noticed how your hips and ass swayed from side to side as you walked out. He thought your little stroll was the sexiest thing he has ever seen so far. It had a natural seductive rhythm to it.

That was a vision that would certainly linger in his mind before he fell asleep tonight. It was the image that will be the cause of him waking up the next morning with his legs and thighs covered in his own cum.

•••°°°°••••°°°°••••

One week later….

You stood by the door of the lecture hall with your thumbs tapping away at your phone, waiting for class to start. Class would not start for another twenty minutes but you always liked to arrive earlier than expected. Your business e-mail was absolutely clogged with different requests, special orders and warehouse inventory related messages. It would take you forever to reply to all of them but, you had to pace yourself so you won't get so overwhelmed to the point of burning yourself out.

"So…you're quite early today."

Tomura's voice snapped you out of your little busy mental bubble.

"Oh. Hey there." You giggled quietly, your mind still preoccupied with your e-mails. You managed to rapidly tap out in the last reply to one of your messages before you gave your full attention to your classmate.

"I'm sorry if I seem distracted. Work is piling on me. I can't catch a break to save my life." You tried to laugh off the stress. A long nap was calling your name once you had the chance to reach your apartment that night.

"It seems like you have a lot on your plate." Tomura sighed, slowly taking a step towards you.

"I do. Lord, give me the strength." You looked up towards the ceiling and clasped your hands together before piteously giggling.

He just chuckled. He found your humor to be cute. It only intrigued him more.

"Um…" He began, but went silent.

A few awkward seconds of silence followed. He cursed himself for not being able to have enough balls to continue the rest of the conversation.

"How was the rest of your week?" You asked him.

"It was alright…I guess. I managed to gather some useful source material for the research part. Now, I just have to begin the written report."

"Oh? I was thinking that I could take care of that part."

"Are you sure? I don’t want to put any more workload on you. You seem really busy with other important things, especially with your other classes and your jobs." He scratched the back of his head, looking down at his own sneakers. He avoided making any eye contact for more than a second.

"Ah. That reminds me. Would it be cool if we could trade phone numbers?" You prepared your thumb to tap his number and confirm it into your contact list.

He felt shocked that you asked him for his number first. Then again, phones are the easiest way to keep in contact with anyone in this day and age. Besides, he did not want to read too much into your request. He reminded himself that this exchange was for academic purposes, not for anything personal nor romantic. "Yeah. Sure."

You called him to make sure your number appeared on his screen. It did and he proceeded to save your number with your name in his own contact list.

•••°°°°••••°°°°••••

An hour and a half later…

After class, you two agreed to meet up in the library to discuss the project in much greater detail. During that time at the library, Tomura felt more at ease working with you but his nervousness was still there. Your aura was so friendly and inviting which made it easier for him to become more engaging with you as time went on. It made it a comfortable environment for him.

In some instances, his mind dozed off and he stared at your face. You were so pretty to him. He zeroed in on your lips whenever you spoke.

They were so soft…

So supple…

He wondered how they would feel wrapped around his cock. Very dirty and sordid thoughts swirled around his mind and they did not stop. They just got filthier and filthier by the second.

Damn. What would it look like to see you beg for him to fuck you after he finished painting his cum all over those sexy lips of you?

Then, his mind as well as his eyes drifted towards your breasts. On that day, you wore a tight spandex long sleeve shirt with a bit of cleavage showing with a pair of tight denim jeans that complimented your hips, thighs and ass very well.

Would you beg for him to splatter his thick cum all over your gorgeous breasts? One could only imagine. How would your ass feel once you made yourself comfortable in his lap? It would feel so soft and warm. Yes it would. He decided it would feel soft and warm.

You noticed Tomura practically leering at you and you had to constantly remind the young man to stay focused on the project.

Of course, he would incessantly apologize for losing sight of the important task at hand. You forgave him but sternly warned him to pay attention to the project. He would gladly obey your instructions. There was something really enticing with the way you would take charge and give orders.

Your stay lasted for about an hour before you decided to call it a day.

Your partner just leaned back in his chair, stretched his arms before giving out a large yawn. “Fuck, man. I can’t wait till this project is done and over with. I hate class projects. I really hate working with other people because they annoy me so much.” He recited that statement with a tired sigh.

“Do I annoy you?” You gently smiled at him. “Maybe, I should be next time.”

“I’m just pleasantly surprised at how smooth things went today. I really enjoyed working with you and that’s not something that I usually tell anyone.” He scratched his neck again.

“Oh? Is that so?” You arched an eyebrow up in curiosity. You wanted him to elaborate and you waited for him to do so.

Tomura almost flinched when his hand was gently pulled away from his neck and nestled in yours. Your hand felt so soft and you smelled so sweet. Then, he recalled what you told him the other day about quitting his habit of scratching. The gesture you just displayed was a reminder to him to stop. Your thumb caressed the top of his hand.

“Well…yeah.” He stuttered. His heartbeat picked up a bit. You made him so nervous. At the same time, he felt a sense of comfort. Your presence gave him a feeling of solace. It was so confusing to him.

“I have something to give you.” You turned your back to him for a minute to retrieve an item from your purse. It was a brand new tube of lip balm. Specifically, it was one of your custom made lip balms. The packaging was simple yet appealing. It had your own company logo on it.

You removed the protective plastic tamper seal of the small tube and turned the knob before slowly applying the smooth balm all over his lips. Every ingredient was natural. The ingredients were: Beeswax, Shea butter, Peppermint, Coconut Oil, Cocoa Butter and Vitamin E. The topical salve provided maximum conditioning and healing moisture to the skin.

“This is one of my balms that I made myself. There are many more flavors that I have in stock. I am going to give you some of my products the next time we meet.”

As you applied the balm, you noticed that there was a small mole near his chin. Many people regarded that mole as a 'beauty mark'. It really did fit him really well. "You're so cute. You know that?"

Tomura just blushed before he let out a chuckle to ease the tension. “Thanks. I guess.” The sensation on his mouth felt really odd to him at first but it soothed every parched and cracked crevice of his lips. That balm was quick to do its job. "It's pretty good. You actually made this yourself?" He rubbed his lips together, getting used to the tingling taste of the peppermint. His lips felt smoother than before.

"Yes, I sure did. I enjoy creating my skin care line. It's quite a lucrative field for me." You placed the tube in his hand before wrapping his fingers around it. "Take it. It's yours. Free of charge."

"Thanks. You're really kind. I usually don't care about any of this cosmetic bullshit. I normally don’t make a fuss about my appearance. I just don't see the point." Tomura just shrugged. He did practice basic daily hygiene rituals such as showering and brushing his teeth but, that's the most he's ever done.

"Well, I believe that you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin. I think you're handsome and you have potential." You gave him a reassuring smile before checking the time on your phone.

"Oh! I need to get going now. I promised my friend that I would meet with them for dinner tonight." You packed up your things and stood up from your chair.

“So, I’ll see you in a couple of weeks? We could meet up after class to discuss the final draft of the report. Is that fine with you?” He asked you. If he were to be honest, he thought it was way too soon for you to part ways with him. It would be nice if you were able to stay with him and hang out a little while longer.

Or overnight.

In his bed.

Or him in your bed.

With your soft thighs wrapped around his waist.

He did not feel one ounce of shame when it came to his fantasies about you. You were really tempting him and it was not fair. If he had the opportunity, he would pounce on you in a heartbeat. And once he was done drilling you into the mattress he would empty his balls inside of you, filling you up with his warm thick cum that you so rightfully deserved. He would not let one drop go to waste. All of it would be inside of you, gushing into your womb. He’ll cum inside of that heavenly pussy over and over again.

“That sounds good to me. I’ll text you if I need anything before then.”

“Cool. I’ll see you later. Thanks for the balm. I’ll make sure to use it every day.” He gave you a small smile, showing his appreciation. Small beads of sweat formed on his forehead, feeling so much tension in his pants at the nonstop explicit thoughts that keep rattling in his mind. He prayed to God that you didn’t notice the small bulge that was underneath his jeans.

You did notice but you kept quiet. It was flattering to you that he found you so visually appealing enough that he was about to bust in his pants. “You’re welcome, babe.” You leaned over the table to pet him on top of his head. You made sure that Tomura could get a nice view of your cleavage.

If he didn’t know any better, you were trying to entice him. The pet name was a clear indicator of that.

You sensed that he was ogling and eyefucking you every time you walked away, had your head turned or became distracted by something else. Your suspicions were correct. It was then that you concocted a sneaky plan for the next time you were to meet up with him. This was a sexy game that you were willing to play. A game that you would for sure win.

•••°°°°••••°°°°••••

Two weeks later…

You spotted Tomura sitting in the student lounge flipping through the pages of one of his text books. You sat next to him on the plush cushion couches. "Hi darling." You greeted him with a sweet, gentle tone.

There weren’t that many people around at the moment except for one or two other people besides you. They were sitting at the other side of the lounge. You made yourself comfortable once you took a seat on the previously vacant spot next to him on the sofa. Maybe a little too comfortable.

"Hey." He slightly blushed at the affectionate pet name.

Tomura’s eyes widened at your choice of outfit. It wasn’t anything too revealing. All you wore was a white tank top and light blue jeans. It was a pretty simple outfit but it was so tight on you, tight in all of the right places. Your cleavage was much more noticeable. If you were to give a slight tug down at your neckline, those tits would just spill out in front of him with little to no effort at all.

You wore that shirt on purpose. You most certainly had his undivided attention. He was wrapped around your little finger.

“I’m sorry that I disappeared after class. I had to use the restroom.” You yawned, outstretching your arms as you did so.

He tried so hard not to gawk at you in front of your face. “Don’t worry. I wanted to get myself something to drink before we met anyway. I’m just glad that you received my text. I apologize for the sudden change for the meet up location.”

“It’s alright. Thanks for letting me know. I really wasn’t in the mood to play cat and mouse today. But, I’m glad I caught you.” You let out a small purr while gently clawing at his hoodie collar.

He gulped. A large lump slid down his throat as he swallowed. His body temperature rose a bit. He wasn’t used to being teased by any woman. It was hard to find his words at the moment.

You felt sinisterly playful on that particular day. “So, do you have the final draft with you?” Your breasts were pressed against his arm.

“Um…Yes. I do. I have a copy of it here with me. You can keep it so you could add your part in. We should compare notes and perhaps you could rewrite the report with your part included. I’ll send you another copy in an attachment through e-mail. Then, we should be good to go.” He stated, trying his hardest to remain composed in your presence.

You were about to make things so difficult for him.

Were your nipples hard?

They definitely were.

They poked out like pebbles underneath that white stretch fabric of your tank top.

“Thank you. You’re so sweet. You’re such a gentleman. Any woman would be so lucky to have you as her man.” You had a sultry smirk on your face.

“Well. I wouldn’t say that. I never had a woman to call my own. I don’t think that will ever happen in this lifetime.” He nervously scratched the side of his neck. This was so embarrassing for him.

"So wait. You mean to tell me that you have never been intimate with another person before?" You asked.

He was hesitant to answer that question for many reasons. One main reason was that he would face harsh judgment. "Um…well…no. No I have not."

"Aww~ Aren't you adorable?" You teased him as your fingers gently flicked and tugged the zipper of his hoodie. This was too good to be true. The hunt was much more delicious. You were like a lioness, on the prowl for her next capture. This one was about to be sweet and juicy.

Once again, Tomura's body temperature slowly rose to a higher temperature when he felt you tinkering with his collar and zipper. His pants were feeling a bit tight around his loins. Those pale cheeks of his had a faint pink tint to them and the tint only deepened when your face moved closer to his.

"What's stopping you?" You asked.

"I always had trouble getting a girl's attention."

"You have my attention." You winked at him. Then, you crossed your legs and leaned closer next to him.

Tomura just froze in place. ‘What the actual fuck ?!’ He sipped his coffee quickly, to keep himself from speaking.

"Well, you know. It would be such a turn on if I were to take IT from you. Would you let me be your first time?"

"Wait―WHAT?!" Tomura damn near choked on his hot caffeinated beverage when he heard your offer.

"I can see the look in your eyes. So can you. I know you want me." You cooed to him.

Tomura felt like the luckiest guy in the world at that moment. A beautiful woman who is willing to take his virginity and was so eager about it as well? He felt like he hit the jackpot.

"I'm going to have so much fun with you." You pressed your chest up against his. Both of his crimson eyes widened while his Adams apple bobbed from a harsh gulp. He thought this entire moment was unreal. This was too good to be true.

Both of your hands pressed on his chest. "We can indulge ourselves with some red wine. Some restraints and body oil and we can have ourselves an evening." You gripped his collar and roughly yanked him so his nose was touching yours. A hiss sharply escaped between your clenched teeth.

He felt like he was about to combust. His face was completely red. He just wanted to melt away from reality. He never knew how to flirt back because he never had the opportunity to. Most women did their best to avoid him as they considered him a weirdo.

You pouted. "What's wrong, darling? You look like a cherry. Is everything alright?"

He sputtered and mumbled. “Nothing’s wrong. It’s just—Are you sure? Do you really want to? Us? Together?” His eyes darted everywhere. His palms were so sweaty.

"Follow me to the parking lot. I want to 'show' you something." A devilish smirk stretched your face.

This was about to be good.

Notes: That's it for first chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I originally posted this fic back in 2021 on my Ao3 page. I'm still in the process of writing the next chapter. Should I continue this?

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weirdworldofwinnie · 1 year

Text

Oasis in a Desperate Land of Dark Desire - Part One: Arrival

Cillian Murphy as J. Robert Oppenheimer x Female Wife Reader, NSFW 18+ only

Summary: You are married to the man in charge of the Manhattan Project himself, Dr. Robert Oppenheimer, and it's your first day (and night) at Los Alamos where tension and unspoken worry is getting high, but he finds time to show you how love can be an oasis in what seems like a rather barren land.

Word Count: ~7, 213

Warnings: Age gap (reader is mid-20s and he is almost 40, and they have been married for a couple years), period stereotypical gender roles (maybe sexism?), unprotected + oral sex, mention of miscarriage, and strong hints at infidelity

Disclaimer: Obviously NOT completely historically or scientifically accurate to real life and is inspired by the film with Cillian Murphy's portrayal of Oppenheimer. There are definitely mentions of Katherine and Jean Tatlock as lovers in this, but he does not have any children with Kitty and is not physically with either of them presently. I also want to clarify that this (while researched) is still just my interpretation with AU elements added in, and it isn't supposed to be in total support and reflection of the real man's life/personality. Scroll away and DNI if you are uncomfortable or take issue with this story; it is primarily for entertainment purposes only and it is just fantasy/fiction!

April 1943

The ride en route to the secluded destination christened as "Los Alamos" was long, hot, and bumpy through the New Mexico desert on a single primitive dirt road with the sun beating down on the windshield, glaring into your eyes and reflecting off the expensive dainty golden watch wrapped around your wrist that had been last year's anniversary present, and the jostling motion of the car made your breasts jiggle up and down slightly, reminding you that you'd been in such a hurry to leave with Robert this morning you'd regrettably forgone putting on a bra. He glanced over to you now, his porkpie hat shadowing the serious and contemplative expression that he had been wearing as a regular look for weeks now... Finally this plan was coming to fruition, but at what cost? It was the government's money and the scientists who were on the line. Robert let you know more details than most out of his non-physics inner circle because he trusted you to keep your lips sealed, but he never gave specifics about what exactly the coined Manhattan Project, or Project Y, was for in terms of a mission yet because it was national security level secret, however it didn't take a genius to figure out it was incredibly important and the development of something dangerous... Too dangerous to keep in a campus laboratory at Berkeley.

As the car approached the main gate and passed by the checkpoint, you realized just now fairly remote this barbed-wire location was and it made a small sinkhole crater in your stomach. But Robert knew this land from his youth and you partly did too, for he owned ranchland here and you both had spent many hours in the last couple years roaming on horseback and on foot into the twilight hours of the day, feeling the chill of the evening breeze and the rustle of shrubbery as the sun dipped down below the horizon and plum light bathed the landscape, bouncing off the backdrop of mountains and reaching deep into the canyons. You recalled fondly one time in particular during the early stages of being courted by him... It was technically only the second date and he had mistakenly trusted you with a horse, even though you were hardly an experienced rider, and of course it had gone ballistic and attempted to buck you off as you held on for dear life to the stiff dark brown leather saddle.

"Woah... Woah! Easy, easy," Robert had called out, grabbing a hold of the bridle and patting the stallion on the neck as you gasped and he kicked his hooves, thrashing the dirt and missing Robert's cowboy boots by inches.

"This one can be a bit rowdy, sometimes the wild never quite gets bred out, and he's not used to you," he explained simply over your panicked cries as he kept patting and verbally calming the animal down.

"But what did I do wrong? I swear, he dislikes me tremendously!" you exclaimed in shock and Robert only shook his head.

"Then he has very poor taste in women if he rejects you," he had joked and you went sliding off the horse's back to where Robert caught you, easing you to the ground gently.

"Are you alright?" he asked, eyes alight with a mischievous concern, but you merely brushed your pants off and smoothed your blouse, shaking the experience off.

"Of course I am. Now are we riding or not?"

He smiled at your confidence, but had hoisted you up onto his horse instead, straddling you from behind so you were facing front and clutching onto the reins. His arms loped around your waist and the horse began to trot, bouncing both you and him in a steady up and down motion, and you flicked the reins, causing the horse to take off into the expansive landscape and Robert let out a joyous whoop as the pace transitioned into a gregarious cantering gallop and the wind whipped your hair around like a battered Old Glory flag in a storm.

"This is too fast!" you had yelled out, but he only laughed, tightening his hold into a squeeze around you and spoke into your ear with a low murmur which instinctively made the goosebumps flare up on your neck.

"I wouldn't let you go even if that horse went mad and flew us off the ground over into a ravine to our deaths."

A little more than six months later after that frivolous adventure, he had dropped to his knee in that very desert and proposed to you, a diamond engagement ring encased in a black box in his palms and you were startled, taken aback at the promptness and faintly aware he was actively seeing at least one other woman at the time, but he had claimed he called it off with her a week ago.

You had cautiously accepted, knowing he was far from a wholesome man, but he was certainly one in a billion and you had unapologetically been with him ever since, even though some friends and extended relatives had openly judged, thinking you were only climbing up a social status ladder by doing so, and a couple of your more left-leaning girlfriends thought you were foolish to already settle for a man at your young age, but you truly loved him. Romance was rather odd; so rushed it could be and yet you felt comfortable around him as if you had known each other for life; soulmates, perhaps, if there ever was such a notion.

The wedding ceremony had been lavish enough to make you feel special, but it had been a more low-key event with only a small group of the closest friends and family in attendance, for he did not want much pomp and circumstance and you had spent the honeymoon at his secluded New Mexico ranch property, bizarrely a sort of prelude to where you both were ending up now. The phone hadn't stopped ringing for the past few weeks and since this work was taking up presidency, it was truth to be told that you hadn't really had time for each other and had been distant these past couple months as he diverted all his focus and intellect to the government and you hoped that after all this preparation, everything would settle somewhat now that he was at the ground level site. You felt trepidation but also excitement because this venture felt relevant and Robert was in his element with the company of like minded individuals all working towards a common goal. His vocation in teaching what he already knew of upper level physics had been boring him lately and he had told you multiple times he was haunted by the pressing need to be essential to the war effort outside of the confines of a classroom; he and his students had to make a real impact and change to the world, to this damned war. And if Robert wasn't the most ambitious, motivated, self-driven intelligent human being you'd ever met, then you'd be stumped to know who was right for the job; he could be dangerously dogged and was as loyal to this country as roots were to their corresponding corn stalks.

And now, starting today, he was the one man scientific director, a ruler really, of this militarized oasis in the middle of, well, nowhere.

Fractions of the place were still in progress, as evident by the trucks and the hammering with the occasional man lumbering past hauling construction boards on his shoulders. The Oppenheimers were still early in arrival, but everyone else on the project was supposed to be settled in by the end of the week. The house you and your husband were to live at was much better off than the cookie-cutter houses hastily put up suburban style along the man-made streets and it was tucked furthest away from the epicenter of town; a large spacious log and stone cabin (that had been formerly a boys' school) ranch style home surrounded by pine trees and shrubs along with a decent yard with that seemed ripe for cultivating a garden, and yet the home was modest and not overly luxurious; this was no vacation.

"The kitchen isn't finished?" you asked in surprise at once upon entry inside and Robert sighed, knowing you how much you had a penchant for cooking and he also knew that hosting gatherings here was going to be essential.

"I'll make sure they get it complete by the end of the week," he assured, resting a hand on the small of your back as you dropped down the luggage on the floor.

"Well, it is rather nice otherwise," you admitted, turning to him and smiling, but he couldn't quite return the gesture.

"Robert, what's the matter?" You reached to cup his cheek and he leaned into your touch before lifting up his own hand and placing it atop the one plastered to his face.

"I'm frankly worried how this is all going to work, how soon we can accomplish what we need to do. The death toll in Germany grows by the day, it may already be too late and..."

You placed a hand to his lips, shushing him with sadness.

"Please, shh, I'll have none of that talk when we just arrived in our new house. We are here now and that is the most important first step that matters towards any kind of accomplishment to your saving the world from this hellish war."

"I need to go do some oversight on the operations in town and at the laboratory," he announced abruptly, stepping back from your touch and picking up his briefcase as you nodded, moving with him to the front door.

"I'll see you tonight then. I think I'll make deviled chicken with a creamy coleslaw."

"I'm sure it will be delicious." He gave a tight smile and it was a somewhat ironic statement coming from the man who ate less than a thousand calories a day. That was one frustrating aspect about him that you had discovered when you had moved in with him back in California and realized he never had regular meals, and lately drinks and cigarettes were his main fuel. You hoped one of these days your passion for food would finally rub off on his aversion, but it probably wouldn't happen here with the increased supply rationing.

He disappeared out the door with his hat and you stood for awhile, taking in this new environment inside the main part of the house with its interesting architecture of high beamed ceilings and picture windows that allowed ample amounts of natural light at almost all hours. You spent most of the day unpacking and organizing, briefly going out to greet and visit with the other wives of top scientists, some you already knew, but others you had not met until today and you noticed that one of those you weren't familiar with was visibly pregnant... She was even younger than you and seeing her led you to wonder how quickly this little manufactured desert town was going to see a population boom in the next few years. Robert had brought up the concept of having children with you on more than one occasion, since you had already gone through one miscarriage (only in your first trimester and you never knew the sex of it, the doctor told you it could have been worse if you had carried to full term and lost the infant at birth, but it was still a gutting loss... Although you knew Robert was privately relieved, especially now since his work would likely leave no room in his heart to father an innocent, demanding child and all the burden would go to you alone) and there was the fact of possible infertility. The hardship of procreation probably ran in the family... Your mother had also miscarried, then had your premature brother who caught polio at two years old and perished weeks later, and then she herself had died during your own childbirth, leaving your father devastated and alone to care for you. You had a complicated, strained relationship early on with him and you wondered perhaps Freud was loosely right about the Oedipus complex since you always had such strong attractions to older men... but at least your father always tried to give you the best possible life he had with his wealth, which led you to moving out from your childhood home in New York across the country to pursue attending college in California in the field of psychology and medicine. You had been in the process of getting a degree in nursing, at least until Robert altered your life by his own ambitions and you had been forced to drop your studies temporarily to move out here with him, but you planned to be studying some by correspondence if the government allowed and also to be able to help out in the small hospital on site for an occupation.

To trim the excess fat off a long story short, it had been a bizarre fluke that you met and promptly fell in love with Robert... you were introduced on campus by friends who also knew Jean Tatlock, a budding psychiatrist and proudly Communist, and he had happened to take a bright shine to you. You considered him unattainable at first, a very well respected brilliant physics teacher with more life experience than you could have dreamed of... He was otherworldly at times, yet found grounding earth in your presence, but it would mystify you what exactly he found so desirable in you. You were as lovely as any other woman your age and smart, but you never thought of yourself as outstandingly intelligent when compared to the people he taught in academia, and not absolutely drop dead gorgeous in terms of prize worthy beauty. Perhaps the attraction, like Robert's scientific passion, was on a molecular scale and only bonded by invisible atoms making the illusion of being a solid relationship. Maybe it was as basic as the fact that you two were mutually compatible with each other and respectable of any differences, unlike his other fiery messy relationships with Jean and Katherine. Would you having a baby split that all apart? Personally, you weren't sure you were ready for any offspring yet and to be thrown into motherhood when you were still navigating having a successful marriage and you highly doubted "The Hill" (as the residents here were calling it) would be a healthy environment for children to thrive in, despite the efforts for a school and daycare, seeing that there were armed uniforms milling about all hours of the day and silent stress was already pervasive in every look, cough, and casual conversation you noticed through passing by. And it was only day one of, as Robert predicated, two to three years of hard work swathed in isolated secrecy.

As daylight began to fade fast and inevitably hand itself over to the darkness, you went back to the house to fry up the chicken. The stove was effective, although one burner seemed a little on the fritz, but half of the cabinetry was unfinished and the counter space was minimal.

Laying out the cream-colored napkins and the finest china you had brought packed securely in a box, you delicately set the table. Despite not having a birth mother to guide you through womanhood, you took to home keeping fairly well and religiously read the magazines, believing being married to an upper class man meant all these details and roles. But privately you also felt the crushing pressure and caught yourself wondering if you were immature to be in this mold. Robert never told you otherwise though and he would theoretically be the last man to stamp out a woman's sense of inner individuality, but you couldn't ignore the fact you, while willingly, still had to sideline your educational and career priorities to come support and live here with your husband. But it didn't matter too much, for you knew in your heart you could follow this man to the ends of the earth if you so desired.

For good ambient measure, you lit two pillar candles in the center of the tablecloth and just as you laid the food on a plate, you heard the front door crack open and the soft clomping of shoes.

Robert would never be the 'Honey, I'm home!' type of husband, yet he always managed to make an entrance regardless, especially now. His slender frame leaned into the doorway, hands crumpling his hat in front of his crotch and the candlelight flashed harrowing ghoulish shadows across his sharp cheekbones and dull pinkish lips.

"Well, what do you think?" you proposed, gesturing to the table spread when he didn't speak. He only gazed at your feminine features, his eyes full of desire that wasn't for the dinner you made, and when his mouth finally parted, he spoke in a husky voice, slowly coming closer and abandoning his hat to a chair, closing in on you.

"I'm sure it is very palatable, but I fear my hunger cannot be fulfilled by only earthly consumption," he confessed, ducking to kiss your cheek and moving his hands up to your neck, caressing your nape and moving his mouth to your lips, but you gently pushed him away, pressing into the fabric of his gray suit jacket.

"We should wait until after dinner," you told him earnestly, knowing what he wanted instead.

"Dessert, then?" he murmured, coming close again despite your light physical resistance and thumbing your bottom lip. You smiled and his arm snaked under your skirt and between your thighs, hand crawling upward to your panties and you breathed in, changing your mind.

"Maybe I can wait to eat after all."

His breath caught, a single finger inches from hitting your covered vaginal area, before he removed his teasing hand and pulled back, gripping your shoulders with conviction.

"Eat. You deserve it and you worked hard on preparing it, I can observe."

He bent down, gentlemanly drawing out a chair for you to sit down in, which you did, letting his hands linger at the neckline of your blouse before he walked around to the other side of the small round table and took a seat, rummaging out a cigarette from the pack in his shirt pocket and striking it up with his lighter, the smoke wafting in wispy trails around his head. You took a careful first bite, relishing in the flavor and spices (paprika in particular) as he sat there across from you, relaxing back in his chair and taking a drag on the cigarette, puffing out a sigh. You smirked, swallowing a forkful as he kept his gaze steady on you.

"You're making me self conscious, just sitting there surveying my appetite," you told him and he grinned, fiddling with the cigarette.

"I enjoy watching you eat. You are the very essence of life I see lacking in so much of this world."

You blushed in the warm glow of the candlelight, remaining humble.

"That is quite a compliment I don't know if I'm quite worthy of."

"You are, no jury would contradict me." He nodded sincerely as he smoked and you ate in silence for a few minutes before he then finally gave his cigarette a rest and poked at his food, politely taking a few bites of hot chicken and chewing at a snail's pace.

"How did today go?" you tentatively asked, finishing off your own chicken and moving to the rich, crunchy coleslaw.

"We will be making progress. Although I will always say, that General Groves is the most obstinate man with the exact deposition one would expect from a bulldog," he answered with a touch of bitter amusement.

"Should you be saying that? They're... not listening, are they?" you asked in a hushed paranoid voice, glancing around the room and knowing that the phone lines were tapped for sure, but you weren't certain they would go as far to place bugging devices hidden in the house.

"Relax, I could say much worse," Robert admitted nonchalantly with a harmless shrug and you allowed yourself a chuckle, mentally picturing a bulldog in a General's uniform. You took a bite of cabbage, changing the conversation to your side of social contacts in this limited town.

"I met with our neighbors and the other ladies today. They seem cordial and we have already exchanged pleasantries and plans for a party next weekend. I also offered to babysit one mother's two rambunctious little boys and spoke to the doctor at the medical facility about assistance there."

Robert nodded, gesturing with his empty fork.

"Keeping busy I see, but I'll have to arrange to let you in the office sometime instead of spending your days cooped up here and at the neighbors. I missed you and your insight already today."

"But you know I am not privy to everything you and your scientists are doing here..." you started to protest before he cut you off.

"I'm well aware, but I doubt a visit to my own office will cause a security uproar. You are my wife, Y/N. The reason most of the scientists came to Los Alamos in the first place was not solely the work, but because they could bring their wives, their families. We do our best work with moral and... sexual support." He raised his eyebrows and you felt a tingle run through you, a yearning for exactly what he was suggesting, but you had to finish the meal first.

Once you cleared most of your plate, he surprised you by taking the dishes and quickly rinsing the plates in the sink before making and pouring out his signature martinis. You knew Robert must be silently stressed however, for he only took one sip of his drink before he moved outside under the roof awning with his tobacco pipe, settling down on a folding chair and gazing out at the landscape and listening to the low mumble of military personnel mingling about on patrol as though this were a prison (which it was).

You joined him with a cigarette a few minutes later (you had never smoked a single cigarette until you married Robert and unconsciously adopted the habit, but you weren't much of a smoker when it made you cough, yet you kind of enjoyed the nicotine having that convenient effect of temporarily soothing your nerves) and positioned yourself down next to him, letting the cigarette dangle from your lips while folding your hands neatly on your knees.

His eyelids were appearing heavy and his head drooped, chin tucking down. You gave him a bumping nudge and he looked over at you, teeth clamped down on his pipe.

"Tired?" you wondered and he gave a noncommittal grunt, fixing his eyes back straight ahead. You noticed how still he was - calm - and it was a welcome change from the past few weeks where he had been wound up, constantly on the phone at one point or another and gone for many hours in meetings. But now that nearly everyone was all here, it was almost too tranquil... giving the illusion of calm before potential chaos.

"Oppie!" a young man's voice suddenly called out and he came jogging into view on the rock slabbed pathway, halting slightly when he saw you.

"Oh, good evening Ma'am," he greeted courteously with a squinted smile. You smiled in turn, nodding, and he focused to Robert, who gave a tilt of his pipe in acknowledgement and stood up stiffly.

"Any news I should know about, Feynman?"

The man paused, glancing to you warily.

"Is it about the nature of our work?" Robert asked sharply and Feynman shook his head.

"No, sir, it is not pertaining to that."

"Well, whatever it is you can say in front of my wife and I then."

"It's just a communicative matter. There was a phone call from a young woman asking for you earlier that was flagged in the office for personal matters concerning security. Groves is in a fit and I was to inform you tomorrow, but I thought I'd give fair warning and-"

"Then I will address it tomorrow," Robert interrupted and without further word, took your arm and marched you back inside the house. You shook off his touch and shut the door hard, spinning to address him.

"What the hell was that about?"

He closed his eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his forehead while exhaling.

"There are intimate ghosts that continue to haunt me," he answered cryptically, taking refuge in the lounge and sipping his martini, but you had a hunch however who was the "ghost" because you knew her and you pointed a finger sternly at him.

"This is about Jean, isn't it? How does she even know to contact this location? And I thought you were all done with her, as you are with that Katherine!"

"I am, I swear to it. But she is different than any other woman I have been with before you, though. She can be... unstable and she may need to hear from me."

"She just wants your sex, that's all!"

"It's more complicated than that."

"You had nights with her while you were having nights with me during courting, I heard about it from our friends. It was still the sex that was the driving factor that she desired from you."

He looked down, unable to deny that entirely and you backed away, shaking your head.

"I can't believe this, the first day here and you can't shake those Communist ties trailing us."

"May I remind you that you considered fully joining once upon a time in the not so distant past? We met at such a social function, remember?"

You bit your lip and refused to meet his wide eyes staring a hole into you, for this was very well true.

"I did, but I overcame it. It's ridiculous to devote one's energy to an ideology and not to concrete, practical solutions. I was never devoted and absolutely do not consider myself a member. I never was."

This made Robert scowl, setting his glass down with a clink.

"It is my opinion that you should be free to choose your dogmas, if you want any at all that is. Belief is voluntary, but it shouldn't be a crime; we all deserve our wiggle room."

"Is that what she told you too?"

He licked his lips, stepping close so you were involuntarily arrested by his blue eyes boring into yours and his hand slid up your arm, finding your shoulder and the bra strap peeking out from the neckline of the blouse.

"I see you put one on," he muttered and you blinked, almost forgetting about that little detail and refusing to be seduced by his perceptivity.

"Yes, I did. My breasts are still sore from that uncomfortable car ride."

"It's a shame they are so contained now," he whispered, beginning to undo the buttons on the blouse and push his fingers into the crevice between your breasts, but you weren't quite having it after the unresolved discussion and the way he had been moments before.

"We are going to do this now? After what I just accused? And besides, I thought you were too preoccupied and planning to sit out there half the night smoking away by your lonesome while I go to bed."

"You make nights worth bearing awake, especially tonight." He shifted, groping at your breasts and you stumbled back into the wall, breathing in shallow gasps. He put a finger to his lips conspiratorially and hugged your body with his own, speaking discreetly.

"We should be quiet to not disturb any nearby neighbors."

"They can't hear us and besides, I'm sick of piping down," you whined, remembering the date nights out in the desert where he'd lay out a picnic blanket and fuck you right then and there with the horses grazing several feet away and the canopy of stars winking overhead. You'd make as much noise as merited, probably confusing the yipping coyotes far off in the distance.

"I think we can try to control our auditory impulses for one night," Robert whispered, hands going to your waist and tugging at your skirt.

"The bedroom," you gasped, rushing away from him and down the narrow hallway, twisting around as he chased you with a huff.

"Where is it?" you asked anxiously, opening a couple doors and unfamiliar to this section of the house in the minimal lighting, when he suddenly pushed you from behind into an empty room with a single large king bed.

"Only the best for us," he told you and you fell forwards onto it, kicking your heels off and quickly flipping around to your back as he loosened his tie, casting it off to the floor and unbuttoning his white shirt as you sat up, reaching needily for his belt buckle and he leaned over onto you now shirtless and when he met your lips in a frantic kiss, you then noticed the prudent stench of sweat on his skin that was disrupting his usual familiar smoky flavor mixed with cologne and aftershave.

"Wait," you ordered, pressing a hand up on his collarbone.

"What is it?" he implored worriedly, searching your expression for the solution.

"Bath, you should bathe. It's been a few days and this heat isn't helping. Hasn't anyone told you that you reek like a dog?"

He groaned mournfully, leaning back and unfastening the belt, tossing it to the floor with a clunk of metal.

"You won't let me have you until I do?" he asked sadly, but you had an idea.

"What if I join you?"

His eyes sparked at this notion and you moved off the bed, finding the bathroom across the hall. This house was one of only a few equipped with tubs instead of showers; they didn't call this street "Bathtub Row" for nothing.

Robert finished undressing in front of you, tugging down his trousers and boxers, springing forth an already ready penis.

"You're going to make me work for it tonight, aren't you?" he asked as he stepped into the large basin, turning on the faucet and letting out a gasp when a strong stream of water blasted onto his bare feet.

"J-Jesus Christ, it's freezing!" he exclaimed loudly with a sputter and frantically slamming a hand on the knob as you laughed from your spot by the sink, taking out your earrings and slipping off your small wristwatch.

"Get in, I was warned about the water supply around here possibly being fickle, even for us," he commanded as you finagled your skirt and blouse off with your bra and panties discarded to the bathroom floor before taking a leg over the tub and stepping in to sit down across from him, letting the tub fill up one third of the way as a sitz bath before awkwardly reaching around him to grab the bar of ivory soap from the dish and began to rub into his back with it.

"I should've put in a request for an even larger bath," he complained as you scrunched up your legs against his and scrubbed dutifully into the folds of his skin.

"It'll do fine, darling."

He took the soap and you both took turns lathering each other up, making frothy circles with the creamy soap and rinsing, the water streaming down into the tub again, flooding both yours and his soapy complexion, washing it all off down the drain before having it fill up again, this time three quarters of the way. The water now pleasantly lukewarm, Robert contorted his body to submerge his head under the waterline and he came up with a loud splash, his wiry dark hair flattening to a wet mess on his forehead as your own dampened and you watched the droplets of water collect on his somewhat pallid skin. He scooted closer, entangling legs, and couldn't resist a quick dart of a finger down to your vagina and you whimpered as he touched your clitoris, inserting into you and making you arch your back and buck your hips when he inserted another finger, exploring around your wet velvety walls.

"God, Robert..." you moaned, digging your nails into the grooves of his skin and up to his head, feeling the cropped soaked scalp and neck. He suddenly lightly shoved you against the side of the tub, pressing his mouth to yours and naturally winding his tongue in, kissing you passionately until the water temperature grew too cold and you shivered, glued to his body and burying your face into his wet shoulder.

"That was merely the first act, sweetheart," he whispered and you smiled, leaning back a few inches so he could get up and step out onto the bath mat, taking your hand as he did so to pull you up and guide you out. Robert grabbed a large towel from the rack and wound it around the both of you, letting his genitals press up against yours and you both stood there for a while, listening to the steady drip-drop-drip-drop-drip-drop of falling water to the flooring.

"I'm surprised you've held off this long," you murmured, feeling his rising erection in between your thighs.

"I truly can't wait any longer," he admitted urgently and the towel dropped with a flump to the floor, and with bodies still slick with water, you and him exited the bathroom to fumble to the bedroom and the blue light from the window illuminated the sheets, the ideal love making spot. He let you collapse on your back and easily came down on top, gripping the back of your neck and already plunging in to align, but you squirmed in dissatisfaction.

"So soon?" you whined, wanting to play with and taste him first, but he was antsy to get to the pinnacle.

"Your virtuous patience should be framed and put on the walls of this house, along with your divine beauty," he whispered, head moving down to your breasts and you dug your fingers into his bare back, running along the bones of his more pronounced spine.

"C'mon, Oppie, let's do this the fun way... Give it to me," you begged and he cringed slightly, but rolled over onto his side and you immediately found his stiff penis with your hands, clenching around it firmly and stroking. He moaned softly and it flexed in your grasp... He could be a decent size when engaged, which was impressive for his underweight body.

"But don't you dare let me go without seeding you inside," he warned as though you had all the control.

"That's the plan."

Wordlessly, you positioned yourself down to the head of his cock and licked off his pre-cum, the recognizable taste milky on your tongue and you sucked, bringing it halfway in and fondling his balls lovingly in the meantime. He was breathing heavily and you didn't linger long at his member however because you could tell he was getting very close and neither you nor him wanted him to release anywhere other than the intended internal target. Pulling out and licking your lips, you repositioned your body on top of his and sank down flat to his chest, and he thrusted his hips up to meet you, heaving in with a grunt. You winced at the initial entry; you were always so sensitive down there (especially since the miscarriage), and he steadily kept at it, probing in further without being too rough.

"Fuck..." you breathed with a cry and he came forward to smooch your cheek as you mounted your hands on his shoulders and he pumped in and out, shaking the entire bed.

"That's exactly what I'm doing, my love," he breathed, keeping an intense gaze trained on you.

"Robert..." you groaned, letting him push as far as he could go until the pleasure was overloading and you felt his hot wet spurt of cum hit, eliciting a long moan from him, his slender frame shuddering beneath you. He closed his eyes and you kept a firm clench around his shaft, not ready to have him pull out yet. Gasping, you began rocking back and forth with ecstasy, your insides stretched to their limit and he seemed to know you were struggling to hold him.

"I'm coming out," he muttered and gently pulled back wetly so he wasn't balls deep in you anymore and then you repositioned to lightly ride him, which was your favorite position, and you bounced up and down on his upright full cock, orgasming a few more times as he watched your euphoria in rapture, so proud he alone could make you like this over and over until you were out of air and exhausted, collapsing to the side of the bed and feeling the sheets very damp with bodily juices.

Robert spooned you from behind, arms draped over to dangle his fingers on your swollen nipples and you matched his breathing in rhythm. Every time was somehow better than the last... Sex with him was as natural as breathing and you appreciated the consistent chemistry that you worried would have faded after a couple years of marriage due to what you'd heard about stress and boredom destroying a couple's sex drive, but Robert was not a boring person in the least sense of the term.

"We should do this every night," you offered hopefully and he chuckled.

"And make me the most lucky, tired man in this whole community? I'd be up for that, although it'll be a wonder if I get any work done at all when I've got this memory lingering with me tomorrow," he replied and you heard the smile in his tone, but with it came the bitter resurgence of the likely phone call from another woman that was bile in the back of your throat and even though he supposedly broke it off with her before you got married, you knew he had stayed in contact and you couldn't help but wonder how he fucked her and if it was comparable to what you and him had with each other, since she seemed to want him so badly. That wasn't to mention "Kitty" who he had insisted on still being "friends" with. A bit depressed and irritated, you pushed away his hands off your breasts and turned back over to face him in the dimness that made even those prominent blue colored eyes of his too muddled to see into.

"How did you become the most desired physicist to women in the whole country?" you asked softly.

"Good genes?" he guessed in amusement and you shook your head, not requiring a punchline.

"You're known to be a womanizer, neurotic, eccentric, a tad arrogant, and yet everybody seems to want you, including me as your own wife. Tell me, why did the universe give you such magnetized gifts?"

He gave a subtle lift of his shoulders with a small lazy smile as you laid your head on the pillow, fending off fatigue.

"Why was Aphrodite the one chosen to be blessed with such beauty and fertility? Why are we the way that we are? There are some matters of the human being to be unfounded in the definitive and everything is relative." He sat up with his back against the headboard and proceeded to light another cigarette and you sleepily watched the hazy smoke drift off above the bed towards the ceiling. He sighed, setting it to rest in the ashtray on the nightstand and wrap his lean arm around your body, drawing you close into his side.

"You are my goddess, Y/N. You are the only woman I want to return home too, always. Don't you know that?" he murmured into your hair and you vaguely nodded.

"I do, but I also know you're not always the most faithful man."

He lifted his hand and touched his ring finger to yours, matching the simple gold bands you both shared as two united.

"I married you out of good faith and the vows we pledged might have well been written in stone in the language of the gods along on the pulmonary arteries flowing as though a river into my heart," he told you with no trace of doubt, but you knew the whole story that didn't need flourishing.

"Only because the two other women fell through on commitment - although tonight I suspect they both presumably still want you - and one was already hitched, so she was having an affair by being with you and wouldn't divorce unless you happened to get her pregnant. I just happened to be the most available, the convenient bride with no attached strings, even though everyone said it was abnormally soon and I am too young," you recounted bitterly and he frowned, tilting your chin upward.

"Is that how you see it? I have never fallen for someone as fast and as hard as I did for you. I still feel the way I did when I laid a glimpse on you at Mary Ellen Washburn's party."

You smiled despite yourself and he bent to kiss the top of your head as you snuggled into his chest, absentmindedly fondling his moist cock with your fingers.

"I do love you beyond comprehension, Y/N," he whispered and you glanced up, meeting his look.

"I do too and I want to believe I always will, until the end of our existence. I am not those other women and I do not want to become so."

A solemn seriousness grew over him and he closed his eyes as you felt tears suddenly spike and an unexplainable terrible sense of dread came over you.

"Promise me one thing, Robert." You paused, taking a deep breath.

"Promise me that whatever happens to us in this world, in this setting, that you will always find a way home and whatever we face, we face together."

He gave a single nod, but you sensed reluctance in the way a muscle in his jaw made a minor spasm.

"I will always do my best."

"Alright," you resigned and he sighed, relaxing back and settling down into the sheets, further roping his arms around you and you burrowed your face into his chest, feeling his light hair follicles tickle your forehead. Tomorrow - and the future for that matter - was uncertain, but at least tonight was building up to a promise of solid sureness, a safeness, bonding those atoms of love again.

Love, or the feeling of it, was a lot like quantum mechanics; essentially invisible to the naked eye and complicated, but the one difference was that it was unmeasurable. No amount of numbers or equations could add up the real affection you felt for your husband, even when the waters became too choppy to be comfortable and it was far from perfect. You just had to cement the fact that you were Mrs. Oppenheimer and that wasn't going to change anytime soon, any disruptive external factors be absolutely damned to hell.

Thanks for reading, expect a little drama for chapter 2... And I do not have a full outline to every part of this fic, so please be patient as I find spare time to work on it and upload. I always appreciate any likes, reblogs, and feedback ❤️

*If anyone would be interested in being tagged, drop a comment and I'll make a tag list for the next part!*

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thebandghostofficial · 1 year

Text

[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

An important (and overwinded) announcement regarding this blog below the cut.

Hello everyone! This is Rawkin Ghoul/ Tumblr Ghoul/ Tumblrina/ Soda/ etc etc.

First thing’s first: no, this blog is not an official Ghost social media account.

I started this blog in late 2022 when ghost-official started blowing up (I do not believe this one to be real either, and honestly I won’t believe they have a Tumblr until it is linked on their official website) and thought, “wow, I could make a better Ghost blog than that. One that’s way better organized and actually advertises properly for them, and posts regularly!” So I did.

Originally it was meant as just that, a little joke between some friends, and wasn’t meant to really get farther than that. But then I thought, Ghost does have a lot of fans on Tumblr- a lot of exquisitely talented and devoted fans. Maybe I can kinda “roleplay” it for a while, build almost a bit of a portfolio, and then either offer the blog to management or offer to run it for them officially, for fun, if they were interested.

More time passes and more people followed. I thought “xofficial” as a username was a common enough joke/ gimmick that people would realize it wasn’t for real (and in fact, when I first searched the URL, I found that this username was once in use years ago! Sorry, previous owner), especially after posting that April Fools joke post- this was wrong of me to assume. There are a lot of roleplay/ joke “official” Ghost accounts all over the web but I failed to really properly disclaim that I was one of them.

I of course don’t plan to reach out to Ghost anymore and haven’t for some time, for multiple reasons including Tumblr just not being a good website for advertising. But another one is I got pretty loose on here. Tumblr is so different from Twitter and Insta and all that- you guys (and myself! I go here too) don’t want to have someone sell something to you- but you do love interaction and jokes and solving things together.

I think we can all admit it- when Ghost is dormant, the fans can get bored and even agitated, and can start to have a go at eachother. I’m certainly not guiltless there either. I wouldn’t say I’m notorious or even particularly well known in general but I’ve gotten into drama here and there. I figured the blog would be a fun way not just to distract the community, but really engage with it. The blog passed 5k a month or so ago and I started thinking, we could do something really cool with it. Smaller events like fanart contests and zines. But what if we did more? Organizing pre-ritual meetups. Larger community projects like fan-made music videos. ARG. Maybe even a short video game- there are so many incredibly skilled and hard-working Ghost fans and I wanted to try to bring them together because I think our love for Ghost, for whatever reason we love them, screams so loud and everyone deserves recognition (also a reason I started Fanart Friday as a regular thing).

You guys know I do my best to keep up with your tagging and what you’re saying and everything and I’ve seen the people pointing out the blog isn’t real from the beginning- I didn’t want to address it directly at first because I thought if nothing else people enjoyed the mystery.

But, more lately there’s been more and more people who are agitated, disappointed, and even a little scared to hear that this blog is not official.

I want to offer my very sincere apologies to people who I made feel that way. I should have made it obvious sooner- I know so well that there are a lot of very young Ghost fans especially who wouldn’t necessarily surmise that this isn’t real. I’m really sorry to those of you I disappointed.

I will never ask you for money here, or any personal information, or send asks anonymous or otherwise from here or my main personal blog as “Tumblr Ghoul”. I have had one person ask to message me so I messaged them to allow them to do that. If somebody contacts you claiming to be the person running this blog, they are lying. Please block them. My interactions here I aim to keep as public as possible, hence being increasingly liberal with replies and reblogs as the number of people interacting grew.

My only goal with this blog is to advertise for a band that I love and to entertain/ help the fandom when and where I can. I love and appreciate all the fanart and interest in the character of Tumblr Ghoul but I don’t want anybody to feel obligated to me and I especially don’t want to hurt anybody. I started this blog for fun and that how I want it to remain- fun for everyone.

People pointed out when I didn’t post for some time a few months back and it was because I had lost interest in the blog and was going through a rough time- and then one particularly bad day I got on to check it by chance and just seeing your guy’s tags and comments made me feel so much better. I tell people that I found Ghost when I really needed a friend and they fulfilled that for me, but the past few months you guys have done just the same for me. I am so sorry to have betrayed that and made you feel unsafe and lied to in return.

As of posting I do intend to still run the blog as I have been (with a disclaimer added to the bio regarding the legitimacy of this account)- posting about tours, chapters, merch, etc, as well as Fanart Friday. I 100% understand if anybody doesn’t want to be involved in that, so anybody who has tagged me in something and don’t want it on the blog now, I can open messages and you can let me know. I will probably close them again after a week or so if I get a large flood of unrelated messages.

Please do not message me asking me who I am, who knows about the blog, etc. Gaining popularity was never something I wanted from this so I will stay anonymous, for the time being at the very least. A very small number of people know who is behind the blog and to my knowledge only one of them is even on Tumblr and in the fandom.

Thank you for all the support you’ve shown me, Ghost, and eachother. It can be easy to see the bad parts of a community and roll your eyes electing to keep your distance, but since starting this blog I’ve been reminded what good community is even when it’s frustrating sometimes.

Thank you for reading, I won’t hold it against anybody who wants to separate themselves from this blog at this point, and please don’t let my oversight and general dummyness sour your experience with Ghost or its other fans. Enjoy the rest of this tour and whether it’s with or without me, please keep rawking 🤘 Be good to eachother.

Thank you.

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 8 months

Note

DROP YOUR DX FOR VOX !!!!! Please and thank you.

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

(I've already posted some stuff here so I'm not going to repeat myself.)

Okay, so, Vox has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It's crucial to distinguish this from "common narcissism" (people often described as "narcissists" by others just because they are egotist assholes; kinda ableist, you shouldn't do it because it's extremely stigmatizing towards people suffering with actual NPD) . While those individuals typically function well, those with NPD exhibit all the traits – grandiosity, egocentrism, attention-seeking, intense power fantasies – but as it's a disorder, these traits lead to inflexible and maladaptive patterns of behavior and cognition.

NPD has its roots in intense feelings of shame, low self-compassion, and self-loathing. In my interpretation, Vox has always felt inadequate. His father inherited an enormous amount of money, establishing a media conglomerate in the 20's. Vox's mother, captivated by the world of movies, used them to escape her reality as a trophy wife. Despite her dreams of becoming an actress, Vox's father, possessive and protective, prevented her entry into the entertainment industry. As a compromise, he made their son a child actor, with the condition that it would be temporary. When Vox grew older, he was expected to transition to learning business and other skills, ultimately to take over the family's empire.

So, Vox was never enough for either of his parents. His father thought of him as annoying and unserious due to his talkativeness and exaggerated behaviors, attributing it to growing up surrounded by actors. As for his mother... Vox turned out to be a terrible actor, struggling to convey emotions that weren't bombastic and over-the-top. Being a teenager is humiliating enough, but imagine being a teenager bad at something and forced to do it for a worldwide audience, when the whole production crew is annoyed with you. Fortunately, he grew up to be devilishly handsome (not to be a simp, I just believe someone must be handsome to endure the ethereal punishment of having their face swapped for a TV screen) and entertaining, leading them to make him a TV host and media personality.

Anyway, NPD is all about creating a perfect self and projecting it to the world when you're deeply ashamed of your true self. It means that, no matter what you're doing, you're constantly concerned about how it looks to other people. You constantly play an exhausting game, trying to win gold stars of social admiration for every-fucking-thing, guided by superficial ideals of wealth, perfection, beauty, and, above all, power. One reason Alastor's existence bothers Vox so much is the fact that he cannot comprehend the idea of someone choosing radio over his "objectively better and correct" medium. Vox lacks the ability to understand nuanced sentiments, which ironically makes him thrive in Hell. In this anarchocapitalist, lawless society, survival of the fittest prevails, and this is a game he excels at playing.

Generally, the best approach for individuals with NPD is to pull them out of delusional thinking by confronting their beliefs about the world and themselves with reality (it should be performed by qualified therapist, especially when someone hasn't completed any kind of therapeutic process yet). However, in Hell, Vox's behavior was no longer in violation of social norms; on the contrary, it was highly rewarded. Consequently, he completely lost his shit, became unhinged, and began acting on all his previously suppressed urges. He finally fulfilled all narcissistic power fantasies and became (almost) untouchable. Now, he's ready to kill anyone who questions him, seeing it as threatening to his fragile image of the perfect self.

He exhibits strong bipolar tendencies. Most of the time, he's power-tripping in a semi-maniacal state. Periodically, he undergoes deep, depressive episodes, locking himself up in his apartment and avoiding interaction.

Constantly guarding this fragile image of the perfect self that he built is exhausting. The bigger this image gets, the more fragile it becomes, like a house of cards. And guarding it becomes more and more exhausting. But there's nothing scarier than the idea of the facade falling apart and people seeing him as he is: imperfect and vulnerable, damaged and ashamed, rotten and evil. Deep down, he knows he's unlovable, and it hurts. He knows that true love exists; he craves this ultimate form of admiration and devotion, but it requires vulnerability and honesty, which he's not capable of. He's only vulnerable with Valentino, and only occasionally when he's intoxicated or when Val fucks every last thought out of his body. He's very much a controlling top insecure about his masculinity, so the latter happens rarely.

Also, drugs. Oh, do this man enjoy some coke. Other drugs and booze, not so much; they make him feel less in control. But getting coked up, going out, causing a scene, killing some poor souls, and relishing this feeling of being completely untouchable? Feels so good.

When it comes to Alastor, he hates him because he's jealous. Despite all his efforts—building a perfect persona, a perfect company, perfect entertainment—this stinky, outdated, and boring radio demon gets so much attention and admiration that should be his. Moreover, he feels that Alastor can see right through his bullshit. He's so paranoid about it that he's almost certain Alastor knows about his childhood traumas, about his death, about all his truths, and could one day broadcast it for all people of Hell to hear. So, he needs him dead.

Note: these headcanons (especially Vox's past) are very important part of my fanfiction. Please feel free to use them in your fics but I'll appreciate if you tag me 🩷

Velvette hc | Valentino hc | Vees + Angel hc | VoxVal hc

#vox #vox hazbin hotel #Valentino #valentino hazbin hotel #voxval #staticmoth #headcanon #character analysis #ask

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888-fr · 3 months

Text

WHY I DON'T RETIRE MY SKINS: an essay

Disclaimer that I'm speaking from a point of being established here, because not everybody can afford to run their skin shop like I do. I don't judge less established artists for needing to limit their skins because they can't afford to print a run with only 2 people on it. I'm also not judging anybody who does retire their skins after a set number of prints - whole different matter! I'm giving an opinion piece based on my own personal thoughts about running my own skin shop.

Okay, now that's out of the way. I really dislike the idea of time-limiting my skins. There's just no actual justification for me, as an established skin artist, to limit skins I know will sell... aside from prestige, and putting buying pressure on my customers. So there's a couple of reasons I don't like that:

1) Erodes trust in the artist.

Yes, I could probably make more money if I kept my skins limited so people HAD to pick up my skin on release. Maybe even all 4 colors of the skin, including the one they don't really keep in their hoard. Just in case they want it down the line but it won't be available anymore.

Is this good business practice though? Do I want people to start feeling panicked every time I ping for a release, because they just picked up a new project and really really CAN'T afford to be buying skins right now but there's 5 colorways of my skin available and they'll probably be resold for 2kg as soon as they retire?

Personally, no! I want people excited when I ping, not feeling dread in their hearts and budgets. I want people to be thinking: 'Awesome, a new skin! I can't afford that right now but I know he always keeps a few on the AH at print price even after preorders end. Even if I can't buy a skin just this moment, I'll be sure to keep an eye on his thread for when I have gems again.' Or: "Awesome, a new skin! This one doesn't appeal to my lair aesthetic, so I will just nod and smile. I don't feel the need to buy it in case it gets popular for resale, because it will always be on the AH for print price."

People tell me about unsubscribing from GASP because they get anxiety being pinged for skins they want but can't have. So I want people to stay on my pinglist because there's no pressure on them whatsoever to purchase anything. It'll always be here, okay? In the meantime, just enjoy the art, maybe preview it on a scry or two. I'll be here if you're back in three weeks, or three months.

2) Passive income!

I lied. I probably would've made less money time limiting all my skins than by keeping my skins restocked. A couple of reasons for this:

- My earlier skins sold worse. This isn't psychology, it's just numbers. Some of my most popular stock were made early on in 2021/2022. I didn't have that many sales then, so could you imagine if I had retired them immediately after that? There's 230something copies of SAILOR'S WARNING out in the world right now. If that skin was time limited after preorders died down, I would've sold "only" 50 forever.

- People see my shop stock whenever you ping for a new releases. I get 3-4 sales off auction house whenever I release something new and people check my front page. It's not a lot but it's consistent.

- It's a win-win situation, okay? If a skin is popular, there's no reason to time limit it to drive up sales. If it IS popular, then people are going to see it on other people's dragons, go "damn that's a nice skin," and maybe do an AH search for it. And if there's a cheap print price copy available, they're gonna buy it.

2) Reprints are easy!

It was a lot more annoying to keep track of queue numbers and inventory back when reprints had to go through regular queue for a week. Did I put in 10 copies of SUNHEAVEN already? Wait, are my kitsune aethers back yet? How many of MOLOCH are still listed?

Now I can put in a blueprint and get my reprint instantly. No fuss at all.

3) I don't want to buy into the 'this is a retired skin' hype...

This is just personal preference. It makes me feel a little bad when a public skin I made is popular and people can't afford to have it. I'm not judging anybody who does like it when their skins are rare, special, and sought after.

It's just... I get that part of my brain scratched from my customs. They're gorgeous, they're 5 prints, they're on the AH for 30kg if you really want one. Most importantly they're niche and high coverage enough that even if someone hadn't paid me to draw an exclusive skin specifically for their dragon, they'd never do well as a public skin anyway.

Here are some tips for people looking into keeping their skins unlimited:

- You don't need to do it like I do.

Blueprints are expensive. Even I don't have my entire catalogue stocked, only the ones I noticed always have reprint requests. For example, only SAILOR'S WARNING out of 4 total colors for my impm skins is kept stocked because the others don't sell enough to justify it.

If you can't afford to stock them 10 at a time, have the customer provide the blueprints. Shelving your skins but having them be reprintable with a BP and a fee (350g is good for 850g print prices; remember, 500g of that went to you purchasing blueprints in the public run, so it doesn't make sense to charge customers a whole 850g when they're already providing the blueprint) is a good alternative to permanently retiring your skins. You don't get a ton of people who can afford that, but the option is there for people who want it.

- Notice which skins sell!

If you already have a good amount of skins in catalogue and have trouble figuring out which ones to begin stocking, you can start by checking in with your pinglist. Poll them and see which ones you'd want to rerun.

- Don't have so many recolors.

It's a law of the universe that they more recolors you have, the worse they sell collectively. I usually do 2, no more than 3. If you have to time limit your skins to get 6 recolors to hit print, then it's time to cut those recolors down.

There's reasons for this: it's choice paralysis, people may want 'complete sets' and will skip out if you're making that complete set cost 4kg total, and it just plain doesn't make sense for very similar color schemes to cover 4 different skins. Feel free to print personal recolors or have custom recolors open.

#flight rising #my stuff #flight rising skins #long post

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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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A Pause for Reflection: Part 2- Only Friends, Racism, and the Commodification of Queer Asians

Hello! It is me, your friendly neighborhood wen-kexing-apologist. Before Only Friends aired, knowing how sex heavy this show was setting up to be, I decided it might be kinda funny if instead of posting my initial reactions to the episodes, which I knew were going to be something akin to an incomprehensible key smash, if I instead committed to a bit where I wrote very dry, academic essays on sex and sex imperatives in Only Friends.

Well, I wrote an essay on Boston, his cruising habits, and my speculations around him being an embodiment of older queer culture expecting like…three people maybe to make it through legitimately 13 written pages with block text citations. But it did surprisingly well, and so now I have decided to full send.

In my first Taking Pause post, I wrote about respectable promiscuity and the way I felt that concept impacted perceptions of queer people and queer culture, especially as it relates to engagement with Only Friends. This time, I want to dampen the mood a bit further, and discuss racism and its impact on perceptions of queer Asian characters in the BL industry. This was spurred by Only Friends and especially inspired by the posts I have seen going around that project false purity on flawed characters, but will cover Asian BL engagement more broadly as well.

Disclaimer: I am a white Westerner, addressing this post primarily to white Westerners, and using Western sources.

The Commodification of Queer Asian Men

Racism is a complex subject, and while people of color are not absolved of white supremacy mindsets through colorism, this invitation for conversation is mostly geared towards my fellow white Westerners. Racism is persistent, pervasive, and insidious in part because we do not always know when and how our own personal biases and learned racism impacts how we interact with the world, or in this case media.

With the increasing mainstream acceptance of gays and lesbians, and the increasing visibility of LGBT folks more generally, gay space and straight space, gay sociality and straight sociality, are increasingly blended (Dean, 2014). The commodification of gayness is only one example of this. (Ahlm, 2017)

We are frequently spoiled by BL because of how much exposure to queer people in stories we are allowed to see. These stories are not primarily or inherently made for queer people, but what this massive index of gay shows gives the general public is large amounts of exposure to the concept of gay people (about queers), and growing popularity allows for a rapid commodification of queer Asian experience.

I want to take a second to show the definitions of commodification, so anyone reading this is aware of what lenses I am working from.

Commodification: to turn (something, such as an intrinsic value or a work of art) into a commodity (Miriam-Webster)

Commodity:

an economic good: such as…c. a mass-produced unspecialized product

a. something useful or valued; b. convenience, advantage

a good or service whose wide availability typically leads to smaller profit margins and diminishes the importance of factors (such as brand name) other than price

one that is subject to ready exchange or exploitation within a market (Miriam-Webster)

Personally, I think it is reasonable to argue that BL and BL branded pairs are exploited by and are an exploitation of the market. We have seen the number of in-universe ads in our standard Thai BLs, the number of BLs being created every year is increasing with the understanding that these shows can be profitable, sell products, sell concert tickets, sell out theaters, make money on fan events, etc.. I think many of us have begun to love when Oishi Green Tea, Nivea Micellar Water, or Canon printers show up in our BLs, but it cannot be denied or ignored that those are commercials for products being sold to us through the images of queer characters and within queer stories. Meaning, the queer stories we are able to interact with en masse are there to sell us a product as well as a story.

How does this relate to racism? By making queer characters of color sell products within the stories they exist in, we establish a relationship to queer characters of color that extends the commodification of queer men of color themselves beyond what already exists by nature of racism and white supremacy within queer spaces:

It’s almost as if no gay men of color exist outside of fantasy cruises to Jamaica, Puerto Rico, or the ‘Orient’. And even then, they exist only to fulfill the sexual fantasies of gay white men. ‘Exotic’ vacations to far away places are marketed to rich white men and [low income] colored bodies are only another consumable product easily purchased with western dollars. As such, gay men of color, whether found within western borders or conveniently waiting for white arrival in the far off corners of the globe, are nothing more than commodities for consumption. (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

How many shows have we gotten out of GMMTV in recent years that are absent, or near-absent of in-universe ads? Three? The Eclipse, The Warp Effect, and Only Friends? What themes are at the center of these shows that may make them distasteful to corporations trying to sell their products?

Now, I entered the BL scene after The Eclipse aired, so I don’t know what its reception was like at the time. But I am pretty certain it was a popular show. Yet, I have personally witnessed the adverse and negative reactions to, especially Ayan, when Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse aired and we saw Ayan keeping a secret that was hurting Akk’s feelings. I saw the sheer amount of posts coming out of tumblr about how Akk and Ayan were characterized so wrong in this show. And, I am trying to be polite here, but there were just grossly misrepresentative takes on tumblr about the characters we got on screen in OS2, who were extremely in character based on the source material, and not the idea of the characters we have built up in our heads as the lines between Ayan and Khaotung or Akk and First blurred over time.

The Warp Effect is a show I have constantly been asking people to watch as Only Friends approached and continue to market as required viewing while we are still in the early stages of Only Friends, but it was not widely watched as far as I could tell from the activity on my own tumblr feed and from the number of people I saw reblogging my Case for Watching TWE post who said they had yet to see it. And I get it, it was marketed more as a heterosexual show rather than a BL, but I will go down swinging to defend my position on that show as The Queerest Show of 2023 (so far).

I think about all the ways people on tumblr have re-written certain characters in their minds to be purer, less morally dubious, more babygirl in order for them to justify loving and supporting a character that is either objectively a terrible person or who has made any number of mistakes that have gotten themselves or others hurt. Listen, my most beloved gay boys are Wen Kexing and Akk but I will be the first to tell you both those men are war criminals. That is not a joke. I love Akk to death as a character, and he let a car roll into a crowd of protestors.

Which is to say, that I am personally made to feel very uncomfortable when I see people twisting the realities of who queer Asian characters are in order to create a false, more pure and innocent version of who they want queer Asian characters to be. Why? Because it treats queer Asian male characters like dolls, like objects to manipulate and control, rather than as the people they are written and intended to be, and the fanservice that is expected of the actors that portray them is not much different:

At the same time that they are invisible, gay Asian men are also seen as being exotic, submissive fantasies for white men. However, being seen as exotic and submissive is yet another form of subtle racism where gay Asian men are not seen as individuals but as a consumable product for white male fantasy (Ayres, 1999). (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

And yeah, I know some of you may try to deflect this by saying or thinking “wka this quote is about white men and thus does not apply to me” it does. It does apply.

On the Subject of Fan Service

These production companies make a lot of money off of selling the fanbase the idea that these actors are romantically involved outside of their acting careers. GMMTV and Idolfactory are perhaps the most committed studios to fanservice that I have seen, often to the detriment of the health and safety of their talent and potentially their own financial interests. He’s Coming to Me was delayed, and had it’s distribution fucked with because fans protested Singto being separated from Krist and paired up with Ohm for one show. Freen was recorded and blackmailed with a video that showed she was in a romantic relationship with Seng. Articles were published making it seem like it was a truly wild concept that Man Trisanu and Ben Bunyapol were acting to create the chemistry they get on screen. These companies know they can make money off of the fictions they create, both the ones we see as television shows, and the ones we see in fan meet ups. These people are actors, some may date, some may not, some may be really good friends, some may hate each other’s guts, but the fact of the matter is we will never know for sure. Everything we see on camera is a performance.

How Objectification of Queer Asian Men Relates to Only Friends

I mean…

I don’t know about you all, but I have seen post after post of people projecting images of purity and perfection on to Mew, twisting themselves forward and backward to justify a character’s objectively terrible decisions, or finding scapegoats to blame for their blorbo’s actions. I have seen people truly, legitimately struggle with seeing their favorite acting pair engaging in intimate scenes with different scene partners. And, to me it reads like some audience members are physically unable to separate the actor from their character, or to accurately identify reality from fiction. These are actors, they are playing characters, we know how good of actors they are. We are all aware of how much of a chameleon First is with his roles, how powerful Khao is at portraying grief on screen, how expressive Book is, etc.

Force and Book are not fucking, Book is not stringing Force along, Force is not fucking Neo and potentially breaking Book’s heart. Top and Mew are fucking (or will). Mew is stringing Top along. Top is fucking Boston and potentially breaking Mew’s heart. Khaotung is not ditching First to go rescue Book, First is not trying and failing to maintain boundaries with Khaotung. Ray is ditching Sand to go rescue Mew, Sand is trying and failing to maintain boundaries with Ray.

Harkening back to fanservice. Personally, I believe that only ever marketing “love pairs” (aka Force and Book’s characters as a romantic couple or First and Khao’s characters as a romantic couple on screen) severely severely limits the acting potential for any and all of the performers involved in those couplings. Can you imagine what Only Friends would be like with Neo and Louis, rather than Neo and Mark? Louis is great, but I’m not sure that he could do pining simp, or angry revenge the same way Mark can. You can see how good of a match up Fluke Pusit was with Thor in The Warp Effect and you can see how good Fluke Pusit was with Ohm Thipakorn in A Boss and a Babe.

As I mentioned in Part One, Jojo has said there is going to be sex in every episode. We know these boys have already hurt each other and will continue to hurt each other. We know these boys have already slept around and will continue to do so. There is no need to vilify a character for being a flawed human being. There is absolutely no need to vilify an actor for portraying a character who is a flawed human being. We don’t need to uplift the characters that are withholding their sexuality from others as inherently good, moral, victims of the inherently bad, immoral, predators ruining their lives with their high sex drives.

…popular culture is permeated with ideas that erotic variety is dangerous, unhealthy, depraved, and a menace to everything from small children to national security. Popular sexual ideology is a noxious stew made up of ideas of sexual sin, concepts of psychological inferiority… and xenophobia. The mass media nourish these attitudes with relentless propaganda…

All these hierarchies of sexual value- religious, psychiatric, and popular- function in much the same way as do ideological systems of racism, ethnocentrism, and religious chauvinism. They rationalize the well-being of the sexually privileged and the adversity of the sexual rabble…this kind of sexual morality has more in common with ideologies of racism than with true ethics. (Rubin, 1984)

I am begging people who are having difficulty seeing their favorite actor be shitty on screen to take a pause, take a breath, remember that they are actors, playing a fictional character in a fictional role. Fictional characters performing fictional actions has not, does not, and will not ever be a true and definitive indicator of that actor’s own personality, morals, or beliefs. Boston being an asshole does not mean Neo is an asshole. Ray being an asshole does not mean that Khao is an asshole just as Gaipa being kind does not mean that Khao is kind. Jojo and co are not monsters for creating a manipulative character(s), or including physical fist fights, drug use, promiscuity, cheating, sexual assault, abortion, kink, fatshaming etc. etc in to their works. You are not a bad person for liking imperfect characters who engage in bad actions, and you don’t need to create scenarios that place blame for those actions on others in order to justify liking a character. Everyone on that set appeared to have a great time, and Jojo stated very clearly that all scenes were run by the actors in those scenes and anything the actors were not comfortable with being shown to a broader audience were immediately deleted. The actors were granted agency and autonomy that is not usually seen and we are seeing the performance they want to share with us, the performance they liked. That does not mean they themselves approve outside of fiction of the behaviors their characters may portray.

Conclusion

We all need to, but white Westerners especially, be extremely careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian media. We need to be careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian characters. Asian BLs, Thai BLs especially lean heavily in to the commodification of queer Asian stories and characters. GMMTV sells products, and uses their talent as the salespeople, which I personally believe makes their talent, and the characters in their stories far more susceptible to objectification than, say, Japanese BLs that do not distribute their work as easily, or cater as readily to international audiences.

As @bengiyo said in his post, it is totally totally fine if you do not like something. Only Friends could not be your style, there could be themes that are triggering for you, etc. that’s fine. But if you are refusing to engage with this Only Friends because Force as Top acted like he was fucking Neo as Boston, or squirming about whether or not you can watch other shows these actors are in going forward because their performances as dumb, horny college students in Only Friends made you question the actor’s morality, then I truly, deeply, and fully beg you to pause, take a step back, and reflect upon what it is about witnessing these behaviors that is causing your reaction.

I want to end with the following quote:

Thus, white men can choose when they want to be objectified, but men of color are simply objects. As discussed above, existing only as props for white male consumption represents another subtle form of racism. As Tony Ayres notes: First, there is overt belligerence…The second response is the exact opposite of this racist antagonism. It is an attraction to me because of my Asianness, my otherness ... This has nothing to do with my individual qualities as a person ... It is the fact that I conveniently fit into someone else’s fantasy (1999, p. 89) (Chong-suk Han, 2007)

As a reminder that we as fans, need to take a step back and consider if, when, and how we are objectifying queer Asian men. We are seeing a huge period of growth in the Asian BL industry, which means we are very likely to get more shows where we are going to see more stories like Only Friends that center realistic depictions of gay Asians as written and directed by gay Asians. And we have to check our privilege, homophobia, and racism at the door.

Sources

Ahlm, Jody (2017) Respectable promiscuity: Digital cruising in an era of queer liberalism, Sexualities, DOI: 10.1177/1363460716665783

Chong-suk Han (2007) They Don't Want To Cruise Your Type: Gay

Men of Color and the Racial Politics of Exclusion, Social Identities, 13:1, 51-67, DOI:

10.1080/13504630601163379 Rubin, Gayle (1984) The Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality- Chapter 9: The Sex Wars.

(thank you to @bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, @so-much-yet-to-learn, and @waitmyturtles for your beta readings!)

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #sandray #topmew #topboston #bostonnick #forcebook #firstkhao #neomark #wka long post #jojo tichakorn #the eclipse #the warp effect #the eclipse the series #twe #our skyy 2 #our skyy 2 x the eclipse

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kaelidascope · 25 days

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In light of some dirty laundry found, I'd like to set the record straight about a threat that was made against me and my work

Since I'm being accused of stealing or copying a roleplay that was done between 2021-2022, here's the facts. The roleplay started with a concept that I had made about a magic college school for another roleplay that never went anywhere and was then repurposed for this one with a new partner. The question was popped on 2/23/21 and we began on 2/25/21.

It lasted the span of a little over a year and went through several rounds of development, a few attempted rewrites, and a spin off sequel revolving their kids. It was a good split between actually roleplaying the characters and also just hours upon hours of talking/plotting as one does. Usual exchanges between creators. We never posted the roleplay publicly anywhere, so it was never officially 'published', nor were any legal steps taken to get rights reserved. I'm fairly certain a discussion happened once about turning it into a book but both parties were not on the same page so it never went anywhere. We did ofc share it with close friends and just talked about it in general.

I also drew quite a bit of art for it, and we both collectively commissioned better artists for art for the characters as well. I did not put in nearly as much money as my roleplay partner did, but I did most of the concept art to provide as reference.

After the friendship ended and the roleplay was put to rest, I pulled the OCs that I had exclusively made to start working on a new concept. I had no intention of using anything that wasn't mine. The new concept was entirely removed from it's original source, meaning different setting, different characters, different everything. It was just repurposed OCs that had new backstories and purposes and new ones that I had made to replace characters I didn't own. However, despite the change, I was threatened with a Cease and Desist form pulled off Google by my previous roleplay partner because I made a vague tweet showing progress of the reworked characters (Rowen, who was in the original roleplay, and her love interest, Lyra, that was meant to be a replacement design for a character I did not own). Lyra shared a physical likeness to the original character, Emi, that was owned and played by my roleplay partner that they designed using an AI generator and then I later drew concepts for [white complexion, black hair, blue eyes]. I took it down as requested, sent it back to the workshop, consulted several professionals to make sure any likeness was scrubbed away, and put it on the back burner for further development so I could be left in peace.

I made this disclaimer post back in December 2023 about any likeness my own OCs would share in future projects and their affiliated partners on twitter. At the time, the names and designs were still being changed so Rowen Santiago was a placeholder while I was waiting to hear back from legal advice. I never said I was taking what was originally written and publishing it 'as is'. I'm allowed to use my original character designs for different purposes.

Ultimately, I came to the decision after a lengthy back and forth to scrap my own OCs original personality and design and start from scratch. Only a few things survived that can have lines drawn between the original roleplay design and the new story concept [the magic collar, werewolfism, Hispanic descent, wolf eyes] but that's nothing new. I have a lot of werewolf OCs. I've got an entire series dedicated to werewolf OCs. The new story concept is more military and racism based set in a fantasy dystopian universe than a magical school romance trope set in English Europe. The new story isn't even set on Earth, it's so far removed from where the original design came from it's not even remotely close to this roleplay. The kind of prose and worldbuilding featured in this new work is similar to the fanfiction I already write and am known for [The new world building will be somewhat similar to a setting I already made as far as fantasy science themes go. See Midnight Menagerie]. I also have several designs that look similar to each other (see MM Blake and Tessa for example. Same hairstyle. And MM Yang's entire physique was scraped from Rowen's whole vibe) though I can say my art style is improving enough to where I don't suffer from same face syndrome anymore (at least I hope!). All my bases were covered, everything was a brand new start over and nothing from the original roleplay was touched.

Well, even after a whole year and a half later post cut-off and small meltdown, it's apparently still living in their head rent-free that I am stealing their work and threats are still being made both anonymously and by name!

So I'll tell y'all what, for anybody who's curious, go ahead and have full access of all the notes and docs that I supposedly 'stole' and you tell me if my future works are stealing lol since you wanna wave it around like it's a big scary threat to get me any time I draw sapphic content that isn't fanart. The only things I will not include on this post is the commissioned work because I don't know who originally did them and therefor I'm not sure what their reposting terms are

Anything listed as [NOT ME] was not written by me. Otherwise everything else is either by me or was collaborated on (like the roleplay exchanges)

Misc Docs

Rowemi timeline 2.0

Figure Skating Practice

Emi/Lauren Relationship Notes

Pregnancy Arc Notes

Project Blackbird Notes

Worldbuilding Notes

Rowen Build Sheet

Rowen Notes

Emi Build Sheet (NOT ME)

Emi/Mom Relationship Notes (NOT ME)

Rewrite Docs

Prologue

Episode I

Shorts

William's Lament

Another Secret in the Pile

Rowen's Invitation

The Meeting (NOT ME)

The Hospital Visit (NOT ME)

Simon's Suggestion (NOT ME)

The Date (NOT ME)

Original Roleplay Docs

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 4.5

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Artwork Done By Me

Genuinely I'm not sure what y'all hope to accomplish by obsessively sending me hate mail and empty threats like I'm supposed to care and be effected by it. I haven't even looked at it since I quit Deviantart lol it has nothing to do with my current projects and it died when I cut you off. You never even knew what the new novel project was about, so you really had no grounds to threaten me with that email or the anonymous inbox submissions. You also slipped up and sent one with your actual user after I turned that off, that's how I figured out you were still obsessed with me after all this time. I encourage you to do something with your ideas someday. While you weren't the healthiest friendship I've ever had, the roleplay was fun to engage in. Maybe working on something new will bring you the peace of mind you're looking for and help you move on.

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solarianastrology · 2 years

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RANDOM ASTRO ABSERVATIONS!!!

DISCLAIMER: These may or may not apply to you. These observations are from my personal experiences with these placements and energies. Nothing in astrology is the end all be all. The birth chart is simply the possibilities, but you determine the way in which the possibilities go. You are always in control!

Virgo Venus natives hate not feeling appreciated. There's a lot of thought and detail put into the actions they do for others, and it always tends to be something practical like something they notice you need that'll help with a project or something beneficial for daily usage. However, the minute you don't show you appreciate these acts, all that care goes right out the window. Moon in 8H synastry if undeveloped can be very toxic and manipulative. Some cases, the moon will feel the need to mother or take care of the house person. >If undeveloped<, the house person will see this as weakness and abuse the resources of the moon. In other words, you can make some ridiculous financial decisions all because you feel connected to them emotionally, especially if you're not used to Plutonic energy. This synastry could leave you broke or in debt if you haven't learned yourself truly. Libra, you are not seeking balance, you are not trying to find balance, balance isn't this unattainable thing, YOU ARE BALANCE. You're the scales! You were born balanced, now if you don't feel balanced, find out where you're having an imbalance and fix it. One thing about Capricorns, they gone get them some money$$$. Gemini risings with Scorpio moons can have very toxic mothers who probably suffers with mental health issues. They could have also made them clean the house more that needed as punishment. Scorpio risings with Libra Venus are such hopeless romantics and get so attached once in love, they are the definition of wanting to live in their partner's skin. If they break up, they'll continue to romanticize them and may even try to get back with them again. If you're looking for the traditional romance relationship where you're constantly reminded of their affection for you, constant thoughtful gifts, and kisses 25/8 do not go for an Aquarius Venus. It's like they purposefully go against anything too normalized and typical in love but love in a more intellectual language. Don't even bother trying to change them either, they'll just ignore you. (They are still very loving and loyal once committed). Lilith in the 7th house can make you very powerful in relationships and they are all aware of that power. Also, once a Lilith 7H native realizes they are being manipulated, played with, or cheated on the Lilith shadow comes out and you'll never get the same them again. Mercury in 12H synastry undeveloped will have you lying for no reason at all, have you feeling all exposed mentally. PLEASE DON'T WRONG SATURNIANS, YOU GET INSTANT KARMA. I find I get my hair done the most when the Venus is transiting my 1H. Chiron conjunct Mercury, especially in the 3H could have had a very challenging school life. They could have fought with teachers, gotten retained, failed classes, and it truly affected their mental esteem. They are learners by experience and thrive learning independently, though they could attract very wise people to help them along their journey. You are literal geniuses and never let anyone tell you're not. Libra 3H write beautiful poetry. Your Moon sign can represent your Sun sign in your past life. It's who you are, anyway, the actions you portray with no effort, where you feel most comfortable. It's the energy you're used to. You can learn a lot from a person you have 9th house synastry with, true wisdom.

#astro observations #astro notes #astro placements #astro posts #astro community

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tomnookishot · 4 months

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although i feel i will most likely expand on it more in the future as i discover more about myself and the Aromantic Lifestyle, i think for now this might be my hatoful aro masterpost. this all has been on my mind for the past few weeks without me even recognising it and so i kinda just want to touch on uh. almost all of the main characters tbh.

when, a few years ago, i made those UGLY pride headcanon pieces (and yes i hate ALL of them now even yuuya and sakuya and i have considered remaking them but can't muster the willpower to do so) i think i was still weaning off of my inner asshole fandom gay who sat me down and told me "hey bitch. these fags better be AT LEAST bi or else you are homophobic. that's right you HOMOPHOBE i'll KILL YOU!!" as a baby gay i never felt like it was my place to say "hey i don't actually think these characters would be gay" or "i think the emotions projected onto them are not fully fleshed out or accurate to their personality" because i thought expressing a differing opinion made me an asshole, and in my defense there were and continue to be people who say that if you DON'T hc a character as queer, and queer in an acceptable way, then you are homophobic. but look at me now! i'm an asshole! and im defending the rights of aros everywhere 😤 (it's me it's literally just me im the only aro im defending). all of this is to say i have changed a lot of my opinions on the characters through my own exploration of them and through other people's inputs. and im here to tell YOU that you are AROPHOBIC if you don't hear me out and proceed to align all of your headcanons exactly with mine and then give me all of your money and you don't want to be aphobic now do you?

the character that i actually initially wanted to make an aro post about was my sweet normal-type trainer ryouta. i have to be honest with everyone. i actually think ryouta might be hetero. i honestly had no solid idea about his identity when i made my omni hc i genuinely just looked up a list of pride flags so i could say something interesting and im not fucking joking. it was a different time in my life. i actually don't think he would have an interest in men. i just don't read it in him. he admires male characters but that hardly goes beyond signs of genuine friendship. if anything i can see what people say about him after bbl with sakuya but like. is it inappropriate for me to say that i see it as. sometimes going through a traumatic experience with a friend and then having them want you to be safe could be a sign of platonic bonding and trust. i am not sure if ill bring this up more in this post but genuinely one of my least favorite things about internet fandom culture is having to defend yourself when saying a pair of characters might be friends. it so often devolves into arophobia and the devaluing of friendship when I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROMANCE AND FRIENDSHIP in the FIRST PLACE. im not here to say you're WRONG for reading it as romantic. in fact i think in this case it's lowkey fair to do so. but not only is my reading different, i would like to ask an audience that doesn't agree to go into the rest of this post being mindful of the prejudices that are involved with being deeply defensive about romantic headcanons, and that it SUCKS being aromantic and having to add disclaimers like this about your ideas when most queer fandom spaces never expect you to have them for headcanons concerning most other LGBT identities.

anyway. what just happened i blacked out i take no responsibility for anything that i just said. what i wanted to say was that while i really don't read The Gay on ryouta, i think demiro RADIATES from him. i don't remember what it came from, it might've been the qna translation i did, but that time moa was like "if ryouta couldn't be with hiyoko he would probably just be okay being single forever" had me thinkin. i think the typical allo interpretation would probably be "oh so noble he would be so hung up on his old crush that he would never move on to someone new" but i think, when you red string bulletin board this quote across a couple other loose pieces of evidence you can see that it's pretty g-dang demi of him. his attraction to hiyoko stems almost exclusively from his connection with her. he hardly ever makes comments about her looks or how pretty she is. his ideal relationship with her is to just continue the things they've been doing forever, except now they're married i guess. he loves her for the way he's always thought of her, and for the fact that she's such a wonderful friend. she's ALWAYS been strong and supportive, he says. that's what makes ryouta admire her, he says.

he gets defensive when someone gets emotionally close with her. something that always stood out to me in his talk with yuuya on the holiday star was when he says something along the lines of "nageki knows a side of hiyoko that i don't." his fears come from someone knowing hiyoko in a similar intimate way that he does, and i think that's because that's the only way he might process romantic attraction coming to be. he also invalidates the way he believes yuuya sees attraction. in that same talk he throws jabs at how yuuya plays with girls and doesn't really come to know them, and again, besides coming from a society that is against casual sexuality, i think that would make a lot of sense within the context of ryouta seeing deep emotional connection as the only way you can have a "real" romantic love. i think ryouta doesn't really have a want or need to dig deeper into the implications of his attractions, which obviously results in him not even realising he has a crush on hiyoko, but i also think he just isn't. that concerned with figuring out where he stands in terms of romantic orientation. in a world where he is mlm, i think he would probably never recognise that or at least never label it, but regardless, if he's demi i think he would just never see that not everyone experiences attraction the way he does. i think he would be infinitely confused with the people who get married based on five months of dating after meeting on a dating app, which is what i do. honestly i just think ryouta is so accustomed to the status quo of being a young supportive straight guy that he sees his own demiromanticism as, if anything at all, just him being peak love story protagonist. so in conclusion i see ryouta as a hetero-demiromantic who doesn't KNOW that he's demiromantic.

as im trying to decide how i want to order this, i think i have to get someone out of the way. everyone knows i hate him with a passionate fury and i genuinely don't like thinking about him BUT. i have shoe eewahmeanay thoughts. im sorry. i have read what the shuu likers have to say about him. i have read the accursed pieces on his relationship to ryuuji. and your first assumption may be that i would read shuu as aromantic, because i am a freak. well it's not true. i actually DON'T see him as strictly aromantic. i think reading emotions through a clinical and cold view is very common to the aspec experience, especially to romance- and sex-repulsed people. putting yourself completely outside of the actions and experiences and just viewing them through a purely scientific this-is-what-social-creatures-in-A-Society-do-sometimes standpoint, you can find more ease and comfort in examining how other people view relationships. but im not here to argue that this is something that makes shuu aro (considering that is literally something he does), rather i would like to argue that this is something that stems from shuu being a general freak when it comes to Having Relationships. i kind of assume shuu might be somewhere on the arospectrum and as a certified shuu hater it's not my place to decide exactly where but i still see a possibility of attraction being an element of his actions. but it's fucked up™ attraction. i think more than anything being a little neglected boy already part of an upper class where genuine connection is discouraged is the biggest factor in iwamine's stunted social development, but he's also just. i don't think he was ever wired to desire or feel connection, not like most other people at least.

i will happily back the idea that isa was desperate for a well-rounded father figure, and that this is what lead him to becoming so deeply attached to ryuuji rather than him just having a gay crush. he is extremely fucking complicated and i know the shuu likers know that. im pretty sure most articulated shuu opinions will probably factor in the bad childhood and unhealthy dependencies into isa's view on ryuuji. i also think, though, that it is entirely too interesting to imagine that isa cannot comprehend the weight or meaning of his own emotions. i don't know if he's aromantic because on a fundamental level i cannot understand any attractions that i feel and it is extremely difficult to parse through different types of attraction. i think that is exactly the kind of compelling idea to play around with for shuu. i think he would sort through his feelings about ryuuji only after his passing, that being the critical trigger for him to do so and he would be unwilling to think too much about it otherwise, and if/when he did, it would still be in his patented narrow, clinical view. i don't think it's ridiculous to believe that there are unknown and involuntary brain fuck-ups going on that stem from attraction in that guy. of course shuu as an adult can only define his relationship to ryuuji through given societal standards, and i genuinely think there is something deeper than romantic intention there, but shuu may only come to the conclusion of "i'm a fucked up little freak boy who secretly liked being cared about but also i kinda thought he was attractive" (paraphrasing) due to the few words that our world gives us to define different relationships. really he just needs therapy.

um but my issue, the only one that really made me think about my arch nemesis this much, is the sheer amount of fluff that people write him into. it's INSANE. THOSE are the shuu likers who i don't think are as articulated as the ones i RESPECT. regardless of how shuu feels about ryuuji or what attraction he feels for him, shuu shows time and time again an inability to actually express his feelings about other people in any typical way. most of the time he just. y'know. expresses himself through violence and negativity. his interactions with ryuuji are usually dry and riddled with criticisms. shuu ends up carrying out his legacy through genocide. any friendship he could've conceived with tohri was always shut down because isa was always blunt with him, although i think isa didn't genuinely have any ill will towards tohri; tohri is just kind of an insecure guy who is very sensitive to criticism. with hiyoko the only way he can live with her is through actual murder. oh and did i say live i mean commit suicide. i don't know how he feels about hiyoko and to be honest im not terribly eager to figure it out but my point is that shuu only ever expresses positive emotions through negative means. i don't care if you think shuu just wants to be ryuuji's son or if you think shuu is a raging homosexual. he wouldn't be able to make it known either way. there is a post, and i don't have the will to dig it up because to my memory it was very crude but i found it funny nonetheless. i think it was tumblr user fluffyheretic who made a post saying something like "shuu iwamine would not be a hot daddy dom he would be googling 'how to kiss' on google dot com" and honestly yeah. i-- like-- how would that man ever be hot or god forbid fluffy in any other context than his chubby widdle partwidge cheeks. he would not be able to fathom a romantic relationship with the people he knows. he'd probably just like. idk. fantasize about dissecting their body and that would be the only thing he could imagine for days on end. and OH MY GOD. no he would not fucking plan a date. i am throwing shade to the fucks on ao3. this fag would not be cute or romantic at all. he would be off-putting and then you would leave. that would be the date. you might get a back-handed compliment. that's literally how he "courts" hiyoko. NOBODY LIKES HIM. in-game i mean. he is unlikeable. he is a dickhead. hiyoko and ryuuji are the only people to ever form a positive opinion of him because they are positive forces who love everyone. everyone else at the very least says mean shit about him behind his back. shuu iwamine aka isa souma aka utsuro ichijou is an aspec anomaly to me and it doesn't matter if he's aro or not. it's not like he could ever fucking land a date anyway.

transition to someone who is kind of that bitch's opposite: sakuya. or i guess really shuu's good parallel. that constitutes an entire post of its own tbh but. i think in general, even people who aren't that invested in aromanticism in hatoful could probably get down with grayro sakuya. to me at least, it kinda just makes sense on a basic level. he's not really invested in interpersonal relationships, even during his dating route which, need i mention, has its arc revolve around sakuya's personal growth and hardly is it ever implied he is attracted to hiyoko. the only time he ever begins to really feel exceptionally strongly about the people around him is coincidentally the same timeline in which yuuya tells him about their shared history: bbl. that's when he gains a sense of responsibility for his actions and feels a genuine care for his friends, and of course a painful regret for how he treated yuuya in particular his entire life. im almost tempted to call him straight up aromantic but ill let him be grayromantic as a treat. i think it compliments ryouta's demi-ness as the other part of the bbl pair. it also makes sense to me in the context of his very rare flattery in response to other people's praise, i think particularly hiyoko's. i find the thing he says in response to that one question about romantic types, the "someone who has acquired high-class refinement and etiquette. if one does not have those qualities, then they do not deserve to stand by my side," also kind of telling about sakuya's relationship to romance. obviously it's influenced by his role as a noblebirdie and the expectation he finds a partner as a political duty, but also notice how he says it in response to "who is your type?" and not something like "who do you see yourself marrying in the future?" it's not a description of personality or looks, it's a description of behavior. it's a detached response, implying that romance, to him, is not about what he finds attractive. romance is something that is EXPECTED of him. it could generally be assumed, i think, that if you actually did have a type in people, then regardless of if you were to be in an arranged marriage you would be happy to tell other people of that type. I'm sure the most common spin of this is just going to be that sakuya is really dedicated to the whole aristocrat bit but i think it reflects a lack of real interest in romantic relationships. if i were an aro prince thing and the press asked me what my type was, id probably also just respond with how my parents are going to decide who to set me up with. i'm not really looking for anything else, am i?

now. i have something controversial to say. i have gone. back and forth a hundred times on this boy and how i think he feels. and to be honest with everyone i think i might be a yuuya aromantic truther. i think yuuya is a very flirtatious aromantic little freak. and i know, right, he's like the most romantic guy in the entire cast. but it's very similar to the yuuya asexuality logic where flirting and romantic facades are simultaneously his only way of connecting to other people and yet also something that drives a wedge further between him and his connections. when he actually gets close to hiyoko, which is one of, if not the most intimate relationship he develops within the series, it's honestly not that romantic in nature. they're kinda just like. hangin out, but spy-type hangin out. like the entire post i wrote about hiyoko and yuuya's friendship. i know the whole partners-in-crime, two-of-us-against-the-world trope is usually a romantic one, but consider the beauty of the platonic version. consider the freedom. the commitment almost feels more intense when you drop the chains of romantic pressure to stay together. i think the best possible outcome of yuuya's dating route is tosakazaki qpr. besties but with COMMITMENT. besties but they love each other more than ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. the word queerplatonic has been ruined for me for various reasons but i just know they can reclaim it. i think yuuya might be so casual about romance and sex because he knows it's not in the cards for him. i can say your mom and i are in a committed relationship together with a completely straight face because i will never ACTUALLY be in a committed relationship with your mother. yuuya, similarly, can say he is in a committed relationship with everyone on the planet with a completely straight face because he knows he won't ever actually be in a committed relationship with anyone on the planet. it's so baller of him. i send kiss emojis to my friends and call them hot everyday but i would vomit if they got too close to me. maybe yuuya wouldn't be as touch-repulsed as the little freak i am but i think he would understand flirting as this somewhat rude way to compliment other people without getting too close. that's like. his entire thing.

ill be honest i have very little evidence for aro yuuya i just really WANT it to be real. yuuya- and hiyoko-type aromanticism is just very relatable to me. i relate to and love how they obsess over their friends, especially the way yuuya does it from a comfortable exaggerated distance that makes it clear he just wants to flatter you, and i just WANT it to be in an aro way. because i need more overtly flirtatious characters who just Do Not Want romance. because i need on a visceral level to normalise the presence of romantic elements in a completely platonic setting. making hiyoko and yuuya aromantic, to me, is my big fuck you. i will make these romantic characters aromantic and i will do it again. epic fuck you moment for the people who insist there are things that have to be romantic. epic fuck you moment for the people who claim things that don't involve them as a romantic scenario. my omnipotent level takes on these stupid bird characters are leagues ahead of your stupid baby "weah weh but he risked his life for her that's romance" incorrect IDIOT im literally living my life out of bounds and you're still debating on whether it's gay for a character to literally just CARE about another person.

okay okay i know that sounded like a conclusion but it wasn't fuck off. i'm only halfway through the main cast do you really think im done?

i think nageki is one of the characters i actually don't REALLY care about in terms of romantic identity but i've defaulted to aromantic as a defense mechanism against uncomfortable shit. i think it makes sense with his character (i love autism) and his storyline. but there's a lot of projection there too. and my feeling of protectiveness over a character i really love in such a personal way. i also think it meshes cutely with the fact that hiyoko and hitori, his SIBLINGS!! are aromantic themselves. so that's my headcanon, but honestly i don't feel THAT headstrong about it. i don't think it really makes sense in my head for him to be gay but i dont really care either way about other people's opinions on the matter. i think what bothers me is just that he's REALLY young and there is some Weird Shit that people put him in. sometimes i see him portrayed as. weirdly lustful??? or like uncomfortably obsessive? and not only is that sort of thing low-key weird as hell but like. did you play the game LMAO. clearly you don't know him like i do. sorry everybody part of being aromantic and bringing that into your favouwite tings is being PETTY AS HELL!!! that's my job here.

i thought i had more to say about nageki considering he's like. almost my oldest aro og but i kinda. don't. actually i spent an undisclosed amount of time tracking down a japanese playthrough of hatoful to see which version of "i love you" nageki used in his final speech but it honestly didn't clear very much up. and keep in mind the fact that nageki is talking from such a place of emptiness. he talks about how he fell numb to pain and hiyoko brought back feelings for him but mostly those negative ones. the ONLY positive light in his world is hiyoko. so an intense display of affection is KINDA warranted. and hypothetically it would also be possibly the most logical misunderstanding of one's own emotions in the game. idk sorry everyone hiyoko/nageki sibling dynamic for life. i've stayed in that mindset for so long that on occasion i raise an eyebrow when i see them paired together and then im like Oh. Shit. I'm Being Unreasonable Here. hey but what can you do. nageki love of my life, walking aromantic flag, please tread lightly in the scary waters of fandom spaces.

anghel higure freak of st pigeonation's high baja blast advertisement self-described martyr public-described weirdo someone id totally clock as a trans woman due to the fact that no cis man plays dungeons and dragons liberal user of eyeliner the goth asshole taking all of the GOOD chains from goodwill. an enigma of a person. when sheltered white gay people who ask "okay but are you afab or amab" say we need more weird queers they do NOT mean him. he would say something in his foreign language that roughly translates to "hey if you're a dude bangin dudes then have at em man im not gonna stop ya" and that may lead you to believe he is a straight ally but do NOT look at the yaoi in his sketchbook it reveals something about his mind. he's bisexual he's a little TOO gay he's looking up "homosexual tendencies" and clicking on sketchy medical advice websites he's a lesbian but he isn't a woman he probably isn't a man but non-binary rubs him the wrong way where's that book for parents of closeted children he's a pansexual imp who'll die happy he has no idea what pride is he thinks neopronouns are neat but has no idea how to communicate that in a way other people understand his parents keep hinting that they know he's not straight but he thinks he's keeping it under tight wraps maybe he is straight but he just doesn't FEEL straight he could never catch a date and he's happy about it he gets flattered once and catches feels the hero getting the girl in the end is too cliché but the doomed lone wolf story isn't but hypothetically his story might be cooler with a love interest how about everyone is the love interest this is his otome wait i thought he wasn't a woman and what about that pretty girl the next classroom over who is willing to larp with him is she technically a male love interest actually it's weird if he's going to date everyone how about instead everyone is attracted to him but as the accursed fallen angel he has a duty to never reciprocate he WILL puke if you hold his hand he's probably on the lgbt spectrum but honestly he doesn't care enough to figure it out right now he's got this sick cosplay project he's working on do you wanna see? yeah i don't know what anghel is. he can be aromantic if he wants. but he has to be a weird aromantic. he can be loveless or alloaro or romance favourable or fuck it he's romance repulsed or maybe he wants to kiss but that doesn't mean anything besides the fact that he likes it. it doesn't matter as long as he's weird about it. the minute he stops being weird about it he's fucked.

im sorry everybirdie i didn't realise i had so much to say about the other characters but so little about these last three. and now my transitions between subjects would be too much of a hassle to change so i could organise this into a more well-rounded balance of long rants and short tidbits. i wanted to save hitori for last because when i tried to talk about why he's aromantic i felt like the audience was more concerned with the fact that i was trashing on his popular ships than the fact that He Is Aromantic Guys I'm Being For Real He Told Me Himself. so i wanted to clarify my reasoning more thoroughly as the final character in the lineup, but im actually pretty sure that i WAS clear about why i think he's aromantic at the time, and now i don't have too much i want to say. so here's a list of bullets explaining why he's aromantic:

it makes the most sense with his storyline and character - hitori really is a character defined by his relationships to this around him, but like. in a way that he never has the spotlight. he's providing for his little siblings. he's providing support for his students. he's making it clear that hiyoko needs to learn about herself before she ever gets close with him. hell, he kills a man not out of bloodthirst or malice but as a sacrifice for his brother. he STRIVES to be alone. his baby siblings are his priority in his life and that doesn't change for a second, because like a baby bird (ha) he's made this imprint on the only people he truly associates with love and losing them was like losing what love MEANS to him. which is literally what he says himself. so like. not only does that mean other relationship archetypes are not in his field of vision, but treating his loved ones with that brotherly, somewhat overwhelming care is the only way he really knows HOW. it's how he treats kazuaki (til the end OOPS) and his students and hiyoko. and like i said. in the end of his story (as in. not mirror universe), his outcome is that he is alone without his children to look after. he goes along with hiyoko's confession in the end not because he's actually interested but because. i guess he just doesn't really have anything else to do. i don't even think he believes he can love again. i think hiyoko just goes "it's too sad that you don't want to love again :(" and then kazuaki goes "*sharp nose inhale, midwestern thigh pat* so anyway if you're still interested in that whole dating thing we can probably do that later if you want." i just really think inserting romantic love into his story after nageki is such a disservice to this entire key part of his character, that being that he REFUSES to love again after the loss of his brother. also it just feels kinda weird in a mirror scenario or whatever to make him get romantically involved with anyone SORRY i've heard that boyish charm in how he speaks i can only see confused innocence in his eyes my apologies

can you REALLY imagine him in a relationship or do you just see a generic anime guy and want to ship him with the closest twink

it makes the most sense within the themes of hatoful as a game - HELLO least romantic romance game EVER like please. this game is about appreciating the little things and learning to love life and yourself through grief THERE'S NO TIME WE'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE DROP THE SHIPS FUCK THE THEMES THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER HELP HEEEELLLLP OH NO I LOVE MY LIFE AND IM OKAY BEING ALONE EVEN THOUGH I LOST THE PEOPLE I LOVE FUCK IT'S LIKE SOMETHING THAT PENETEATES EVERY ROUTE GAHHHHHH

that thing he said in the character interview about "never really having thought about [his romantic type]"

it is objectively funny

a few years ago at a high school show choir showcase there was a solo about a girl who was insane and falling in love with a hot coffee barista but he actually didn't know what romance is

all of the fan content surrounding him and romance is So bad and out of character (or even half portraying him as not wanting it in the first place) that i literally cannot see him as anything but aromantic. you guys literally ruined it sorry.

women are gross and men are gross and he didn't know people could be other genders until he heard some more in-touch teenager talking about it and honestly he's still pretty confused he's supportive but it's not something he could be into even just for the fact that he's nervous about offending them

it would honestly be embarrassing if he ever got into a relationship like all of that "my siblings are everything to me" and for what. you have a girlfriend now? that's gay

speaking of which him being straight makes like a thousand times more sense than him liking men but also i hate straight people

it makes ME uncomfy so i get to have my favourite boy be aromantic because i hate everyone here

sometimes i feel like applying really specific queer labels to characters is doing them a disservice in itself, because some characters seem Weird enough to delve into niche queer spaces and find those labels, but a lot of characters don't even know what pansexual actually means and you know it. my ideal way of defining a character's orientation is by looking at what would make sense for them to be attracted to and then just saying that's what they're attracted to, rather than saying they're gay or they're straight or bi or whatever. anyway that's just what i've been trying the make clear over the course of this post besides the aromanticism of it all.

i'm writing an entirely new conclusion from the one i wrote back in january. i think that aromanticism has become more of a rebellion than anything else to me. in all facets of my life. sometimes it's just so goddamn hard to EXIST as a PERSON when it's like nobody even believes you as you are. i feel like i've lost a lot of autonomy to be anything except a memory or a story. and im not interested in being erased. but i don't think any place has ever made me feel as seen and validated and VINDICATED as the aromantic community. it's like. Fuck you. yeah im not part of any boxes you'd understand. i feel like i didn't feel such a sense of free will until i found myself here. hell. i can do WHATEVER i want. i never thought about that. literally nobody can stop me. aromanticism cuts so many ties from other people's realities and what they believe to be real. so many people HATE aromanticism or what it stands for even if they don't want to admit it. and that is everything to me.

but in a fandom space, where rules are so much more rigid than they appear, where you come to share your favourite things with other people and only find that everyone is trying to make it known that their opinion is the Most Correct One about your beloved series or franchise or whatever the hell, it's like. kinda really hard to exist. as an aromantic and as a member in general. the other day i saw a community post on youtube by this girl who got popular in a niche community and she was just really conflicted because on one hand she wanted to move on from the space and make things she actually was interested in but on the other hand she didn't want to give up what she loved about this game and she also didn't want to lose her audience. and man the amount of times i've seen that shit is pretty disheartening. it's really not an unfounded fear. i have SEEN people who do cool stuff die out because they got popular for something very specific. it's so draining to motivation for them and it's always a shame to see people you like give up because they just don't matter to very many others. my point by bringing this story up is to just give an example that i saw recently of how suffocating fandom is. people are mean, man. for a lot of people fan spaces are freeing and happy but i feel like sometimes we just forget that they'll never be as good as just having a group of friends in real life to discuss your favourite things with. because the internet is designed to divide and organise and if we're being honest i think a lot of people fall into the trap of feeding the cycle of trying to make fandom this Very Specific Thing when it's really just a bunch of guys. and god. people who participate in fandom. well by default they are already very online and so g-dang it they're kinda just pricks. and sometimes the sheer amount of mental disorder within these spaces it. y'know don't fuckin deny it man it adds to the assholeness sometimes.

so like. being such a small minority within fandom, as an aromantic, is also my rebellion here. fuck you. i'm not falling into the tropes assigned seemingly at random to force a dynamic between characters. i can see without the blurred lens of the Shipping Glasses™. i am pretty sure that being aromantic kinda makes the grasp on characterisation a little stronger because im not looking at things the same way some other people are. sorry to be on my high horse everyone. Enjoying your hobby vs. Joining the subreddit for that hobby. everything is aromantic. i have a beam for it. i'm sorry to all of the other aros who feel excluded from fan spaces because of the sheer invasiveness that comes with shipping culture and amatonormativity and just plain Assholes within fan spaces. just something i've been thinking about for like. fucking. a few years idk. all of the hatoful characters have that aro in them because i couldn't give less of a shit about bad takes (bad takes being They Are Not Aromantic). i've got good takes. this is aromanticism baby. okay i'm gonna go hang myself from a tree now bye bye.

#happy aromantic day of visibility everybirdie #hatoful boyfriend #aromantic #tidbits

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daystarvoyage · 5 months

Text

Luz Shouldve Been Dressed By A POC (Person Of Color Or Luz Batista To Show Better Cultural & POC Reprensation)

Hello Tumblers, This is kyoko cane of daystar voyage, as a proud black person who’s genderqueer who makes content creations On Pop culture such as Cosplay & drag, I do talk on Animation & Family Entertainment So glad to get this topic cause what we see on tv can be put into reality, Now (Disclaimer)

I will not accept hate on the daystar voyage anyone who can’t handle different opinions, ship whatever (unless legal) if not walk out or off this spaceship into a asteroid belt and black hole

Don’t hate appreciate.

One more thing I do love my girl Luz pilot outfits, there goals however wish they had time to put patterns into her clothes often, like I said in my hootview

However the female cast had a better closet then her, and I did discuss that in my video, for some time they did make her dress in a shonen archetype, (which I made a post about her hair) or an spicy Latina Which of of course personality wise too, (cause she’s made to be the gender non confirming character) but excuse all that cause in a way, the staff shoulda hired someone whos Either Afro, African American Or Latin to dress this girl.

Oh boy now that im done rewatching The Owl House there’s so much in store soon anyway,

I do feel its time to start this short post, I have a fashion hootview which is the intermission so there’s still a lot to come meantime, finished my rewatch of The Owl House as an animation lover,

youtube

Lets discuss this topic at hand,

2020s animators need to take notes on costuming & style tips to make characters stand out in environments and to treat there characters better in fashion or color coordination,

yes you can have a color coded character and not rely of a main palette to be able to bring out there features & complexion,

Animators need to take notes, how to properly show kids & there audience that good clothing could be put onto a character of any occasion & not have to rely on sexuality or Stereotype (Disney Programs have a hit or miss on certain shows.)

while proper fashion can do justice, that goes into making a franchise and making a product to sell for marketability in retail & consumers.

if the character or product can be sold with a great design if executed flawless by character, design, costuming, and the app that comes within the series,

This goes to the fandom cause there might be future artistsor small indie creators reading this who probably never read, or look up fashion brands, magazines either hot couture or brand clothing and don’t have that knowledge But that shouldn’t stop you from being able to experiment with different color palettes on what goes into your art.

The fandom needs a wake up call that not only is everything’s perfect and people have the right to critic and criticize a show or any form of art.

cause fandoms today has a self righteous way of bullying others of different opinions and ostracizing others and ithas to stop,

Here’s a quick tv trope in color-coded characters, & a Toonsmag article on fashion in animation.

Marketability is a important factor, industries rely on that to make the money off of that series, be a cartoons or projects,

it impacts the character and representation that kids see when they purchase said item and teaching kids, see good representation within media can matter if done right.

Especially POCs if executed well however

DONW BELOW in some cases miraculous ladybug fumbles it hard, at one point had all the poc of color (EXAMPLE limited to alya and nino if not max be lighter tones on there merch.)

You know lighting character's skin tones like Alya and other brown or dark skin characters, on their products & merch (bad ethnic representation award goes to them).

Not to mention the whole Vas underpaid controversy, that’s been discussed countless times.

(still disappointed about there business decisions)

I appreciate the love of anyone who can view and read this article if you gotten this far,

thanks for reading make sure to check my Tumblr and YouTube vlog cause so much of this particular series I’m gonna debunk

The show had a-lot going for it however feel flat including in the fashion department along miraculous ladybug that’s another thing to be discuss OH BOY so anyway

here’s an example of the video game art of Guilty Gear showing great costume progress years later

always educate yourself cause I do want my platform to show variety on what I offer creatively and semi-education-wise to be able to let people be inspired and that you don't need to follow trends, thank you very much seeya on the next space voyage.

#the owl house #toh #luz noceda #lumity #i honestly don't know why amity puts up with luz's bs #molly mcgee #amphibia #Luz nocedas closet is low tier then the female cast #fashion in animation #animation get yourself a fashion magazine educate yourself kids need inspiration in clothing and costuming #dana terrace #amity has a better closet but you know how that is #don’t put glaze over a shows flaws with lgbt representation #anti lumity #toh critic #toh criticism #toh critical #the owl house needed a lot more time in the oven better yet have another bakery make it #animation what are you doing #toh needs to know it’s flaws to be better #Luz noceda is not good ethnic representation neither is Gus #pro shipping #miraculous ladybug #Daystar voyage #Kyoko cane #take notes kids there’s better fashion in animation #the owl house pilot #toh pilot #luz noceda girl wheres the long hair #please get pocs to do black characters only

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coltrainbat · 2 years

Note

the reader and chris meet for the first time at a dinner with shared joy. the reader notices chris directly and would like to get to know her better. the reader just thinks he is from the market since she heard the news that he is dating alba. only his family and friends know that alba and chris only have a personal relationship. chris tries to explain that to her

Pork or Pasta?

Disclaimer: All characters, mentioned and referred to even those based on real people are entirely fictional. All characters and events are entirely works of fiction for the purpose on entertainment. I make no comment on those mentioned within the request or story. (Can't sue me now baby I'm a law school drop out 😘 )

Fuck fuck fuck. You were late, sooo beyond late for the Charity Gala. Security were mulling outside and in an attempt to save face and avoid having them open the large and very loud doors for your entrance you ripped off your heels clutching them in your hand with your bag as you raced up the stairs.

“You’re late…” Tommy, the security guard who got rostered on all the events in your city was at the door, eyes honed in on you with a devilish smirk. Tommy had gotten you out of many difficult situation and in return you’d sneak him beer to drink out the back.

“No shit Tommy.”

The security guard laughed “Don’t worry no one’s taking your spot, get in there.”

“You’re the best.” Giving him a quick hug

Muffled conversation filled the room as you made your way to your seat in between your work bestie, Nigel and… who the fuck was that?

“Always making an entrance.” Nigel leaned over to the mysterious stranger with dark hair who you couldn’t see the face of but you swooned at his booming laugh.

“I’m here! I’m here! Don’t fret!” You slid into your seat with a huff causing your bangs to raise slightly from the sudden gust.

“Omg when did you stop wearing shoes that’s not chic.” Nigel faux gasped. Realising you were still clutching them you quickly tried to manoeuvre your foot back into the all too expensive, uncomfortable heel under the table.

“I ran here.” You huffed at Nigel.

“That’s great sweetie good for you! Smashing those New Year’s resolutions! Now turn around and meet Chris.”

You were finally able to look up at the handsome celebrity, who looked thoroughly amused by your grand entrance and clunky movements.

The event was held annually to raise money for the arts and your work was a key sponsor but occasional celebrity appearances were nothing to make your jaw drop like this.

“Be nice…” Nigel whispered swiftly in your ear before he pranced off to socialise.

“I’ve heard lots about you.” He held out his hand for you to shake

“Good stuff I hope.” The corners of you mouth raised slightly as you returned the gesture. You never saw Chris Evans on the guest list and Nigel always handled the table seating, it was starting to became incredibly clear that the man who had listened to you rant on and on about your relationship status for years had pulled off the mother of all blind dates. That sneaky, conniving little bit-

“Nigel was telling me about how much you do for the artists you work with and quote how ‘You’re their God’…” You were pulled out of your train of thought by Chris smirking at the last line.

You finally were able to look at his face properly, the small signs of ageing present in the specks of grey in his beard and the wrinkle on his forehead. He was a borderline silver fox, still in his prime with obvious experience present in his face and demeanour.

But you weren’t going to let yourself swoon so easily. Memories flooded in of your recent girls night, as you all huddled around Instagram reading about his newest girlfriend who was conveniently not present.

She was young which was fine but your FBI level investigator friends were intricately telling you about her background like she was some girl from college. Her horrid behaviour towards waitstaff, her lack of work ethic and how little she cared about her projects, the tweets of her shaming anyone who wasn’t skinny and white - those ones hit hard. You were never the beauty type but that didn’t stop you from gaining the attention from men. But the idea of another woman shaming another for their looks made your skin crawl. She was the antithesis of everything you ever believed in; good manners, kindness and hard work. You believed people were a reflection of those who they surrounded themselves with. And as the memory recalled in your head you couldn’t help but feel icky at the man who while nice and polite probably felt little of you.

You felt to get through the night you’d definitely need a little help.

“Well not really, I just listen. People like when you hear them out. I feel like today that kind of personal aspect is lost in interactions.”

Great answer. Professional. Clear. Nailed it.

“Well I think they’re lucky to have someone like you. It’s great to see someone give people a platform to share their art.”

Your eyes diverted from his intense gaze as he spoke sincerely at you to one of your favourite people walking past with a large bottle of wine, the condensation on the sides told you it was white. Your favourite.

“Yeah it’s great, sorry just a second… pssst Geraldine!”

The elderly woman looked at you with a beaming smile on her face, immediately shuffling over to you.

“Hey! how are you girl?” You took her outstretched hand, squeezing it with happiness.

“Good! So happy to see you here - I’ll get you the good stuff this stuff… it’s no good!” She waved her finger at you, sticking her tongue a little.

“Thanks Gerry.” You smiled at her, appreciative of her and the gifts she brings. She was your version of God.

“You’re welcome darling!”

“You know the waitstaff by name?” His eyebrow raised and you prepared yourself for a snarky comment.

“They’re human too aren’t they?”

“No I agree I just have met very few people at stuff like this who aren’t so self absorbed with themselves to notice the people who are doing things for them.” You heart pinged a little at that comment, you started to soften in his presence. Catching yourself, you readjusted your posture, pulling your shoulders back.

“I dont believe you should treat people on their perceived importance, besides kindness pays and now we are all gonna be drinking the good stuff.” You raised your empty glass up, ready to receive the tasty confidence from a bottle.

“I’ll drink to that.” He raised his tumblr of dark liquor, clinking it to your now full glass, making eye contact as you both sipped.

You had nothing to lose and decided to have fun with this, already planning how you are going to recount this epic story of ego takedown to the girls.

“So Evans right?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Huh didn’t recognise you without your bucket hat.”

Chris scoffs “So you saw that huh?”

“Against my will but yes.”

“Well it was complicated.”

“Yeah I imagine hanging around models and c list celebrities all day is “complicated”.”

“I’m hanging around you aren’t I.”

“I’m not a model and I’m not complicated.”

“That surprises me.”

“You don’t know me near enough to be surprised.” You shake your head.

“No but I would like to.”

“Now THAT surprises me.”

“Seems you don’t like me very much based on what you’ve read.”

“I never I said I didn’t like you I just believe you are the company you keep and I don’t like your company.”

“That’s still an assumption.”

“Well screenshots live forever don’t they?” You gave him a sarcastic grin.

“You think I would know about those and still continue to hang around someone?”

“How could you not know, do you not know how to use Twitter?”

“During all your research I thought you would of realised I’m not the best with social media.” He laughed awkwardly.

“I didn’t research you, as I said ‘against my will’”

“Well we are both here now so ask away.” He gestured his drink outwards.

You bit your lip trying to decipher the bullshit from reality but every word he spoke sounded so earnest.

“Why do you date the same skinny actress just in different fonts every time?”

“Who said I dated all of them?”

“Fair enough.”

“Not every woman I’m pictured with I’m necessarily dating.”

“Why would you chose to hang around someone who is so…”

“Horrible?” He interjects

“I was going to say repulsive.”

“I don’t always have a choice.”

“That’s ridiculous you’re in your 30s.”

“40s… thank you but it’s the way of the game.”

“So you’re a coward?”

His jaw tightened at the suggestion and his playful gaze fell from his face.

“No I just haven’t found the right one.”

“Maybe because you’re going for the wrong ones.”

“Do you know what this industry is like? I’m constantly getting pushed into being around people that I don’t particularly like.”

You gestured around you with obviousness apparent on your face.

“Your job is different.”

“So now you’re saying my life is easy?”

“No I’m saying you don’t have 50 cameras in your face at once and people usually aren’t using you for what you have.”

You pursed your lips realising you’ve hit a nerve,

“You really didn’t know did you?”

“Nope. If I did I wouldn’t of taken it as far as it got. People are damn good at hiding their true-selves when it’s convenient but something tells me, you would never understand that.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well for starters, you came in late, expensive heels in hand - tells me you have good taste but are practical when need be.”

You nodded at the analyse.

“You’re nice to everyone you meet, I think about 50 people have walked past beaming at you which is a nice change to have the attention off me for once.”

“I’m just good at my job.”

“I don’t doubt it but you give it humility. Nigel told me all about what you do and he didn’t understate it.”

You blushed at your accolades particularly coming from the handsome actor.

“I think you can’t help but be anything but yourself and why would you when you’re so great? It’s endearing and a little bit intimidating.” He chuckled out that last line.

“So I’m asking, can we start over?” He leans in a little closer, placing his hand on your knee like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

“Yes.” You place your hand on his.

“But first… what if your type?” You quizzed.

“I’m looking at her.” He smirked at you.

After many speakers, more glasses of wine and an unspoken plate swap with Chris who graciously gave you his pasta after you starting drooling over it, the night was starting to become less formal and performers started to play covers of songs you couldn’t help but bop and sway to.

“Do you dance?” Chris asked casually

“Well yes but-.”

“Great!” He interjected, pushing out his chair and holding out his hand.

“Dance with me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good look, there’s photographers around and I know-“

“Omg woman just shut up and go dance with him!” Nigel nudged you out of your seat with Chris quick to steady you.

“You’re an asshole.” You faux sneered at him.

“And you’ll thank me Monday.” He gave you a smug smile.

Chris walked you both to the makeshift dance floor. Wrapping his arm around your waist as you swayed softly.

“So what do you think?” He quipped

“The Gala is going great, no major issues everyone looks like they’re having a good time.” You looked around nervously at a few curious eyes on you two.

“About me I meant.”

“Oh! Well… I’m 80% convinced.”

“Convinced of what?”

“That you’re not an ass.”

“That’s promising.”

“Well I’m not easy to sway.”

“Didn’t think you would be.” He purred at you.

You bodies were moving in a slow sway, Chris taking the lead as you melted into his arm as he moved you around the floor.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Dancing?”

“No being seen with me.”

“What’s so wrong with it?”

“People still think you’re dating her.”

“And? Now they won’t and for good reason.”

“And I was the perfect choice?”

“You weren’t a factor in the plan but if you must know a news report from a “close friend” is due to come out in…” He checks his watch behind your shoulder.

“12 hours that her and I called it quits.”

“So how do I come into it?”

“You’re just the beautiful woman I met at a charity ball days after a break up that turned out to be my future wife.” He was grinning now.

“You’re ridiculous you know that?”

“Maybe, but I still want to see you again.”

“80% Evans.”

“Well do you think it’ll be at 90% by next Wednesday?”

“Possibly why?”

“Cause that’s when I’m taking you out… lean back.”

He dramatically dips your body down near the floor never letting an inch of hair even come close to the ground, pulling you back up slowly so your bodies are closer than ever.

You were slightly panting now as he eyes raked your face for a sign of agreement.

“You’re a little too good at this aren’t you?”

“I use to do Tap.”

“No with swooning women.”

“Well if it helps you’re harder to crack than most.”

“Keep it that way.”

He spins you out, only for you to spin back in, your back towards his chest as his arms wrap around your stomach securely. His nose dragging along your cheek.

“So Wednesday?”

“It’s a date.” You move around, hands now landing on his strong chest, his arms clutching your waist protectively, scared if he loosens his grip you’ll somehow disappear into thin air.

“Would you mind being the front page of a gossip magazine?”

You looked at him confused “Yes why?”

“Because I really want to kiss you but there’s a guy with a camera just over your left shoulder.”

“Can he see my face?”

“No.”

“Is he filming?”

“Photographer so don’t think so.”

“Could you make him delete it?”

“Definitely.” He grinned.

With that you leaned up a little closer, putting your weight on your toes and placing a soft kiss on his warm plump lips, seeing a sudden flash of white light through closed eyelids you pulled out a little flushed, biting your lip as brush rose to your cheeks.

“Make him send that to me before he deletes it.”

“Whatever you want.” He leaned down for another kiss.

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la-pheacienne · 4 months

Text

On the meaning of "Misérable"

"The point of departure, like the point of arrival, for all his thoughts, was hatred of human law; that hatred which, if it be not arrested in its development by some providential incident, becomes, within a given time, the hatred of society, then the hatred of the human race, then the hatred of creation, and which manifests itself by a vague, incessant, and brutal desire to do harm to some living being, no matter whom. It will be perceived that it was not without reason that Jean Valjean’s passport described him as a very dangerous man".

Les Misérables, Volume 1, Book 2, Chapter 7, The Interior of Despair

"First of all, even before examining himself and reflecting, all bewildered, like one who seeks to save himself, he tried to find the child in order to return his money to him; then, when he recognized the fact that this was impossible, he halted in despair. At the moment when he exclaimed “I am a wretch!” he had just perceived what he was, and he was already separated from himself to such a degree, that he seemed to himself to be no longer anything more than a phantom, and as if he had, there before him, in flesh and blood, the hideous galley-convict, Jean Valjean, cudgel in hand, his blouse on his hips, his knapsack filled with stolen objects on his back, with his resolute and gloomy visage, with his thoughts filled with abominable projects. Excess of unhappiness had, as we have remarked, made him in some sort a visionary. This, then, was in the nature of a vision. He actually saw that Jean Valjean, that sinister face, before him. He had almost reached the point of asking himself who that man was, and he was horrified by him".

Les Miserables, Vol. 1, Book 2, Chapter 13, Little Gervais

Continuing my post on the greek translation of the title of Les Misérables, what's interesting here is the phrase "I am a wretch!". It's interesting because in french it's "Je suis un misérable!". The greek translator chooses to use the greek word "athlios" here, the same one he used for the title of the book, and I think that was a good choice. I don't understand why the english translator replaced the word "miserable" with the word "wretch", probably because the word "miserable" does not exactly convey what Valjean describes himself as in this particular chapter? "Miserable" does not necessarily have a deeply pejorative connotation, whereas the word "wretch" means both "an unfortunate or unhappy person" and "a despicable or contemptible person". Maybe the differences are small but in my mind the two words just feel different. Here the french word "misérable" is used in the latter sense, I think (= despicable and contemptible person) so "wretch" does feel closer to that.

However, it would be important to use the same word as the title, because Hugo clearly wanted to associate both Valjean's particular state of mind and the objective situation he was in with the title of the book. That's why Valjean exclaims "Je suis un misérable!". That's what the book is about. And what is that? A "very dangerous man", a "hideous" ex convict with "abominable" thoughts, a man "horrified" by himself. He's not just miserable, he's not just poor, he's not even just an outcast. He's not just rejected by society because it's not just society that hates him. It's that he has truly actually become a hateful human being, capable of the worst, so much that he is horrified by himself. He is a man who steals little kids and attacks the only person that has treated him with kindness, contemplating whether or not to crush his skull. That's the very essence of what a "Misérable" is in the context of this book.

Final note (disclaimer, I'm not at all specialized in translations or in languages, that's just my superficial opinion): After a brief comparison of the greek and the english translation with the french text, what I can say is that globally the use of some words, phrases, expressions in greek just hits different in ways the english vocabulary can't always convey, and that's probably because of the particularity of the greek language, mainly the syntactic versatility and the richness of the vocabulary. That is why it is practically impossible to find the exact equivalent of "Athlios" (greek word for misérable) in english because that word alone has a very particular magnitude, meaning both miserable and despicable in equal measure. However, what the english translator maybe lacks in "depth", he gains in rigor and scrupulousness, I think, because our guy is not very meticulous lol (not a surprise culturally we are not famous for that). So I definitely do not want to discredit the english translation.

#lm 1.2.7 #lm 1.2.13 #les miserables #les mis letters #the brick #les mis translations #aspa reads les mis #jean valjean #i mean i'm not saying anything new compared to my last post #i'm just repeating myself #i just found more receipts

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tetrakys · 1 year

Text

Very old tea - Beemoov's writers

Every day I wake up and find new drama in the fandom. I have to admit it is entertaining but fake news and misinformation really annoy me so here we go. What's the new tea? It's actually very old tea, but it needs to be put into context.

A few hours ago, someone rummaging through the New Gen website, ended up on the credit page, where they found this

This page isn't reachable from the website, there are no links, you need to type the full url to get there because it's only a placeholder. You can clearly see that those are Eldarya TO credits, and an old Priya illustration is used as background. Literally yesterday Chino mentioned in her Instagram stories that there are lots of placeholders on the website.

Despite this, news is now circulating that the same team that worked on Eldarya is now working on New Gen. I don't think people have been saying this maliciously, it's possible that they got confused with the placeholder, which didn't have the big red disclaimer I added in the screenshot above. However now they are freaking out for no reason and bringing back so much old drama, which is also partially wrong. So here I am trying to clarify, hoping that people will see this (but alas, tumblr isn't as popular as facebook and twitter so maybe I'm just shouting into the wind).

MCL and Eldarya writing team

Part 1. High School Life and the Sally Anne drama

Firstly, at the very very beginning of MCL, Chino was on her own, she was working on both the art and the writing. However, soon later the company looked for a writer, Chino pushed for her friend Sally Anne to be hired even if she had no prior professional experience, and the company agreed. Eventually they also became roommates and even closer friends.

Now, the people who have been around for ages like me know that there was huge drama at some point. Sally Anne had some health issues and pretty much disappeared for months in the middle of Nath's arc. Lots of things were said at the time, some true some very untrue. Sally Anne made a facebook post mentioning how Chino and the company were bullying her. One of the accusations that people like to bring back all the time is that the character of Aleja, who was based on Sally Anne, was used to bully her because she was written as a bit silly. Maybe people forget that all Eldarya self-inserts are very flawed. Jamon can barely use grammar when he speaks, Kero is a coward, Ykhar an anxious nervous train wreak. I don't see anyone say that Chinomiko bullied herself by making Miiko such a raging bitch.

Anyway I believe that Sally Anne herself realised that this and other bullying accusations were unfair since she later retracted it. Some people say that she was forced by Beemoov to do so (I don't know where they would get this information, it's a pretty strong accusation). Others say that all this is common behaviour for people who suffer from addiction. I'm just going to add some additional context that most people may not be aware of since I hardly see it mentioned.

When Sally Anne left the company she started her own personal project with some friends. They put together a kickstarted campaign for a BL game and earned around 58,000€. After that however, the project never came to light because of, again, Sally Anne's personal issues. Here you can see a post from the team describing the situation, which is proof that her health condition was not connected to Beemoov work environment at all, since the same thing happened again while working on her own personal project with other friends of hers. Additionally here is the final post written soon afterward, where the team explained that they would not be able to make the game. They also said that they had used up most of the kickstarter money already even though the game had not been produced. They gave people only one month to claim their kickstarter pledge back. Considering to this day there's still people who wonder what happened to their Eldarya account, I strongly believe not many people managed to see that post and claim their money with only a one month timeframe.

Anyway, this serves as a context to show that in a very small company, when the writer disappears for whatever reason, either the project is cancelled or they have to hire someone else. Lots of people believe that Beemoov is a huge company when it's not. At the time of these events there were around 50 employees, and those people had to earn a living. Sally Anne was the only writer, this whole situation led to MCL not being released for at least half a year, which compromised everyone's salaries. Players were complaining like crazy but, despite hearing only one side of the story, they were very happy to jump on the "Sally Anne was being bullied" train once new writers were hired and they could play the game again.

So, let's talk about the "new" writers.

Part 2. Second half of High School Life and Eldarya TO

Once it was clear that Sally Anne would not be able to come back to work, Beemoov hired two new writers. Hikaru who would end up being Eldarya TO's writer, and Cassandre who took over MCL and finished High School season. (These info you can find in the games credits).

Hikaru was the CM at the time, because the company was looking for a writer for this new game Eldarya they gave her a chance. Chino and Hikaru got along well and I think it's visible in TO's writing. Remember Chino is the creator, she decides the story and the events, the writer writes them, and Chino reads and corrects the script. I think it's clear from TO's writing that they had a good synergy. Hikaru left around the end of TO for personal reasons, she moved to another city and changed career, it was her choice to kill off her self-insert (Ykhar) before leaving, so no there was no big conspiracy around the self-inserts. To this day she and Chino are still friends. But no, she's not coming back to write New Gen as people who saw the placeholder seem to believe.

Cassandre, as I said, took over MCL HSL in the middle of Nath's arc. I think it's visible that the season feels a bit different with a different writer, but I still like it, I think she did a good job as a writer. However, once high school was over, in a move that I will never understand, Beemoov's management decided to assign Eldarya to her, not as a writer but as a project manager, effectively taking over Chino's role. So Chino had to leave from around episodes 20-22 and never went back. She only provided the main storyline of the worlds merging, but at some point she resumed working on the events only.

So from around episode 20-22 to episode 29 Hikaru and Cassandre worked together, with Hikaru as the writer and Cassandre as the one deciding the plot/scenes and supervising the writing.

Part 3. Eldarya ANE + MCL University, Love and Alternate Life

Once Hikaru left, Alexis took over. So from episode 30 of TO and throughout ANE he and Cassandre have worked on Eldarya alone. This is the dream team we owe the state of Eldarya to. None of them knew the first 22 episodes of the games in depth and hence why we have all the plot holes and different characters' personalities. Additionally, at that point Cassandre started working on Uncoven so it is my personal opinion that Alexis was mostly on his own during ANE because clearly you can see that the person who wrote that had no idea what Eldarya was really about.

What happened in MCL at the same time? Once Cassandre moved to Eldarya, Beemoov found another writer for MCL, Cara, who wrote University Life. My personal opinion is that she was a good writer, I like University Life, but there's very little romance. Less than HSL for sure. But there are many funny scenes and a young adults feel that I really liked. She and Chino worked on UL together as writer/creator and it's still one of my favourite seasons, however the lack of flirting scenes is visible.

Then, when Love Life started, another writer joined the team, Antoine, Chino was still the creator and Cara remained as proofreader and also worked on Uncoven with Cassandre. My personal opinion is that there are lots of issues in Love Life because of how some themes of feminism, sexual harassment etc. are treated. Additionally the romance was even less than in UL, and some characters' personalities took a slightly strange turn. However I did like the main storyline and the ending that went full circle.

By the time Alternate Life started, both Cassandre and Cara had left the company, Antoine was still around to write additional LL episodes such as wedding and honeymoon, and the events. Eldarya's writing was over and so Alternate's writing has been the product of Alexis and Chino alone.

Part 4. What about today? MCL New Gen

New Gen is being written by Alexis and Chino, same team and dynamic as Alternate, the two of them alone. So if you see people around saying that Hikaru is back or whatever else, it's not true.

You may not like Alexis' writing after what was done to Eldarya, which I totally understand. If I hadn't played all Alternate Life I would feel the same and think that the guy isn't able to think deeper than a teaspoon. But luckily I really like what he and Chino can do together so I have a good feeling for New Gen.

#I thought I would write about VPNs but guess what new old drama just resurfaced #my candy love #eldarya #mcl new gen #peggy's corner

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