#dilf illuso

[squadrah]

So you had two asks about La Squadra being toddlers, but what about them being old/older men? Maybe in their 40-50's or as senile old people. And my mind ain't exactly wondering there, but what do you think they'd be like as dilfs?

I managed to find an old post where I was asked what they would be like as old man: here it is! You also reminded me that I had once written about them as parents in general, and I could have sworn I published it, but I ended up finding it at last in my drafts, so I'll make sure to queue it after publishing this ask!

That just leaves the question at the end, ehe... I will try to do these from the perspective of a young adult, probably a friend of their child(ren), while they themselves are in their forties and fifties.

Risotto: His sheer size and deep voice are already enough to set the butterflies aflutter, so the way he wears sleeveless shirts and dirty overalls at home is almost too much. He is best observed in the garage where he enjoys quietly working with power tools, and nobody can look at his work table without imagining him sweeping off the clutter to make room for them instead...

Formaggio: He ages so gracefully he looks like he could still be in his thirties, but the way he cracks open a cold one while giving clever responses and showing at least basic knowledge of just about any topic introduced hints at decades of experience in a variety of areas. Whenever he playfully manhandles his spouse in the kitchen, guests cannot help but chug their own cold beverages in vain.

Prosciutto: Never seen without his signature dress shirts and crisp trousers, and when he's around, the temperature always drops enough that all unnecessarily noise and frolic dies down. Most agree they would not want to live with him as their father, the bar is just too high in that respect, but nobody would mind him in a hotel chair with a bourbon in his hand and ordering them to get to work...

Pesci: At first he seems nothing special, especially because he's not much respected by his children, but as soon as he easily lifts something that he ought to struggle with at his size, and tells you how much he think it weighs by touch, the magic begins, and those who have gone on fishing trips with him on the weekend and watched him reel in that big bass are now smitten for life.

Ghiaccio: Whenever you meet him, he's either preparing to go for a run or has just returned from it all sweaty and glistening, and no real decrease of stamina to show for it. Going to the gym with him is a rite of passage; he will explain every machine and challenge you to various feats of endurance. Spotting is obligatory, and many hit the showers afterwards in greater frustration than they began.

Melone: That one anon ask of "your dad looks gnc af" sums him up perfectly, he is so impeccably and unabashedly A Look and An Icon that all his various issues are easily buried in a tidal wave of gender envy and lust. His children are so confident and well-educated when it comes to sex that their friends can only imagine what a wealth of experience could be gained from the fountain head.

Illuso: He always lets his luscious long hair down at home, physically and metaphorically, and exudes such minor soap opera antagonist vibes that his heckling his children and spouse come off as almost entertaining, a good example of how much people forgive to a pretty face and a nice tall figure. He's not above teasing his guests either, and you will either hate him for it or want to kiss him.

Sorbet: He's not conventionally attractive and seems to love his plants more than his children, but he has a certain Addams Family aesthetic about him that carries his dry wit and odd ways perfectly, especially when he's trimming his bonsai or is outside gardening in the shade in special gloves and up to his neck in dirt. You are welcome to indulge his obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: That one extremely friendly dad that claps you on the shoulder and shoves a drink into your hand as soon as (and even before) you hit drinking age, and is always two seconds away from hugging you and kissing you on both cheeks in a fit of camaraderie and general mirth. Watching him grill sausages and cook in a big outdoor cauldron permanently changes your brain chemistry.

[drapopia]

Dilf/Silver Fox La Squadra

bc we all need a bit of them in these trying times, amirite fellas ??

Note: Reader is babysitting their child, or is being paid to help care for their child.

warnings: suggestive themes, pretty gender neutral reader but pronouns are gender neutral, older man/younger reader, general sluttiness

Risotto

• Hi, Daddy ? Excuse me, daddy ? Pardon me, Daddy ?

• He has such beautiful silvery gray hair, you can oftentimes see him waiting for his kids after school lets out, or if you’re lucky, you can see him at his day job of tattoo artist/piercer with his hair tied into a loose bun. His tattoos are lightly faded, and you can tell which ones are designs picked out by his child and which ones were designed by him personally. His stubble is oftentimes neglected, though it’s not a bad thing per se.

• He hasn’t given up his gothic flair though. Whenever you see him in his free time, his biceps are not hard to miss under the skintight corset tops he’s fond of.

• However, despite his tough exterior, he is such a kind dad. Never failing to show to a Christmas concert, a Halloween party, and if he has the time, helping out at school as a parent volunteer at small events (he prefers to help out in the classroom, he values watching his kid work and it brings him warmth to his burly chest.)

• He is hesitant to speak to you at first, watching from a ways away while you help with his child, lending helpful tips. He’s quiet and leers over your shoulder often, but the deep timbre of his voice is not missed on you. He will pass by you with a hand on your shoulder, a burning gaze on your back as you leave to take his kid to school.

• And if you come back early from dropping them off, forgetting your keys or maybe a useless knickknack, maybe it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe you come back to see him working out in his small workout room adjacent to the living room.

• Who’s getting hurt if you stare a bit, you wonder. Who would want to miss the happy trail crawling into a bush of silver hair on his chest, his back piece flexing with every pull up of his arms? Is anyone really bothered by hearing him let out soft pants as he works out, the sweat dripping down his shoulders?? You would much rather have him dripping sweat over the top of you instead.

• And if he turns around and smirks, dropping his weights and grabs his towel and looks at you, almost growling “If you’re just gonna stand there and look pretty tesoro, then can you help me cool off? Or would you rather me warm up instead?” Who says it’s such a bad thing?

Prosciutto

• He never saw himself having children, but here he is. And though he worries over it, (the small lines crowding his forehead show this completely) he is a kind father. He holds their hand as they cross the road, ties their shoelaces and sings a song to teach them, and bakes treats for his child’s friends when they play dates. As a work from home parent, things are hard, but he tries.

• Though he is slightly scrawny, he makes up for it with devilishly good looks. His hair has lightened considerably over the years, and he often throws it up in a bun or a simple long ponytail. And over the years he grumbles to himself over the Italian genes that have given him such a huge amount of hair everywhere. He keeps it trimmed, but if you peer long enough, you can see the bushel of hair on his pecs.

• And though his fashion is still as expensive as ever, he keeps his silk shirts and trousers, though he trades in his gaudy necklace for some even gaudier rings on his age worn hands. Who can hardly complain when he smells like bergamot, and he has the looks of a supermodel even now?

• He is hesitant to hire someone to care for his child, but he knows he needs to not crowd them so. He is guilty of being a helicopter parent. But how can he look away from his child’s caretaker when they make his pants tighten embarrassingly often. He’s too old to chase after a sweet young thing like you, he tries to tell himself.

• But his plans come to fruition when you bring his kid home and tuck him in, and walk in to say goodbye and see such a sight as him? His hair down, a small glass of wine perched elegantly in his hand, reading his Vogue. He nibbles his lip, his brows pursed into a worried look. Oh, you want to smooth it away with kisses.

• He looks up to you, so sweet, and he lets out a small grin at the way your face is flushed, how you wring your hands to tell him about his child’s day. He shushes you, and beckons you closer with a wave of his still so finely manicured hands.

• “Surely you weren’t leaving so soon?? You have so much to tell me about your day, and how you’re doing? Oh come sit down, I’m not getting any younger you know. You’re such a sweet thing, come curl in closer and tell me everything.”

Formaggio

• Big beefy man, such sweet little kids he has!! Always boasting, giving them embarrassing nicknames. He gives them piggy back rides, lets them get treats from the local convenience store, and he tells the best stories to them before bed. Sure, he may be a bit forgetful sometimes and forgets when they get out of school, or when they need to go to the store, etc, but you can bet his kids get a giggle every time they see him.

• Beer belly and the biggest happy trail you’ve ever seen, he’s even more tan now from working as a groundskeeper for the local parks. And when you catch him working on a pet project at home with his wifebeater on and a beer in his hand, he is truly a sight to see. His grin is still as big as can be, and he still breaks out the leather vest (and rock it better than any dad at his kids school, to Risottos despair.)

• And while he may have lost the abs he had as a young man, he can easily lug a kid or two around and pull his weight.

• He was so happy to see such a sweet little baby like you come around to take care of his kids, he felt like a creep at first. But when the days kept getting hotter and the shorts kept getting shorter, well… so did Formaggio’s restraint. He’s still a horn dog unfortunately, but he can keep it together for a cutie like you!

• And while the kids are out playing in the kiddy pool and you come in to grab a soda for them, well there he is. In all his glory, stretching out on the porch taking in the suns rays like the cats he still brings home. (His favorite cat Ms.Kitty is off to the side taking in the rays as well).

• He’s oiled up, his shirt is off and his happy trail is shining in the light, almost glowing. His arms are behind his head, and you think to yourself ‘Hmm, I wonder what it would be like to sit on that fat-‘ You pull yourself out of it, and flush. It’s not the heat this time.

•He opens his eyes and strains against the light and smiles a big, bouncy grin. He laughs, big and booming. “Oh sweetie baby, is the heat gettin’ to ya too?” he looks around and smirks at you, your legs shifting closer together. “Or is it just me?”

Illuso

• What a pompous man. Once he had his baby, he was an absolute nightmare to deal with. It was like the nights with a newborn didn’t phase him a bit, his face even and glowing with the ego of a new father. And when he cradles his baby to him, he smirks with the arrogance of a man who knows he’s hot shit.

• And he’s right to be! His baby is a darling, giggling and laughing. It’s so easy to just coo at them and fall immediately in love. Too bad Illuso doesn’t know the first thing about being a father, besides giving them a cutest hairstyles and clothes.

• He’s still relatively young, the air of youth makes all the mothers he talks to lean in close and sigh. But his laugh lines are closing in quickly, and the worry lines on his forehead are giving Prosciutto a run for his money. And his work as a cosmetologist is paying well!! (He is getting angry that his abs are leaving though, though the big burly look and the small hints of silver in his hair seen surprisingly sexy)

• But when you come around, he’s smitten, though he won’t admit that. The way you coo and smile at his baby, rock them in your arms and tell him what he needs to do has his heart thumping in his chest. He ignores it and tells himself to drink less caffeine.

• And the nights are long and you’re there often to make sure Iluso isn’t having any trouble. You’re always happy to help! His hair is loose from his normal hairstyle, the silver on the sides of his head showing vibrantly, and his pajama pants show his long toned legs, and though you haven’t seen it yet, you know it’s doing wonders for the front of his pants as well.

• His kid is fast asleep, and he walks to the couch, and you can see him in his full glory. Relaxed, pants just tight enough to see the bulge you’ve been thinking desperately about since you’ve seen him. His abs are showing through the front of his shirt.

• He laughs loudly, almost mockingly. “Dear, I didn’t think you were brazen enough to stare at me so blatantly. But I understand” he purrs “Maybe we both need a chance to relax, won’t you come here and take a seat? Oh not on the couch, amore”.

Pesci

• Oh dear, the love of my life!! The love of all of our lives.

• He is so smitten with his kid. They have him wrapped around their tiny fingers and he is well aware. He makes sure they have a good lunch, hiking them up on his broad shoulders to get to school quicker. He takes them on fishing trips, to the park, to the zoo, anywhere they wish. He goes to their room when they sleep just to think to himself “I am the most lucky man in the world.”

• He’s bulky and strong, though he doesn’t have much time to work out anymore. His hands aren’t used for dirty work, only improving dishes at the small diner he works at. He opts for casual clothing, but keeps the lipstick and eyeliner he has worn for years. His kids are notorious for having green lipstick on their cheeks as a result of goodbye kisses.

• He gets off work late, so he depends on you to help his child after school with homework, eating dinner, etc. He’s a worry wart, but when he sees the way you tenderly hold his child’s hand as you cross the road, when you help put on their jackets while it rains, he can’t help but grin and helplessly wish for you to be there more.

• It’s a late night, he comes home and rushes to his child’s room, only to find you there waiting for him. He apologizes, and quietly explains what happened. You’re so understanding, his heart melts and wishes, beating so fast in his chest for something, anything! He pushes it down and offers a cup of water to you.

• And as you stand in his kitchen, you reach out and cup hands accidentally. He almost drops it, and whispers out an apology. Your heart thrums. You smile and insist it’s ok, it’s more than okay. You push the thought of wanting his calloused hands somewhere else.

• And you lean in, and insist that everything’s more than alright and brush your lips against his neck. And Pesci knows he’s utterly done for.

Melone

• He is what every dad should strive to be! He cares so deeply for his babies, holding them in a papoose and swaddling them close to him at all times. You can catch him either helping out at their daycare, at the fresh and local market he frequents often, or at the park with his baby. He can’t get enough of how they toddle about, he gives them little snacks and keeps every single random thing they bring to him. He’s truly never been happier… that is, until you started babysitting his kid.

• He’s still lanky, and he knows it. While he still wears outlandish fashion, he’s toned it down so that he doesn’t being unnecessary attention to his baby at the wrong times. His skin is glowing, and he often keeps his hair tied up in a trendy ponytail for convenience. And while he still does genetic research from home, he keeps up with his health better than some other fathers he knows. He’s got a toned belly, and the recent addition of a flower tattoo on his hip for his kid.

• He needs you to help balance him out, he either throws too much or too little time into his work, always a workaholic. So when you walk into his room with his baby on your hip, oh dear. I’m so sorry, but he’s raving to have another.

• And if you come over when he’s just getting out of the shower, towel hanging loosely around his hips and his hair dripping water onto his firm pecs, he giggles. “I’m so sorry, I’ll go get changed right away, darling.” He’s not sorry at all, don’t you dare think he is for a second.

• When you put the baby to bed and announce you’re leaving and see him lying on his bed asleep, his shirt riding up to show his lavender trail of hair that’s been trimmed earlier, you leave with an aching burn in your thighs. He wakes up when the door closes and smirks to himself.

• The icing on the cake is when his friends take the baby for the night, and you aren’t aware. So when you arrive to see him at the dinner table with a glass of Riesling, he smiles a grin fit for the Cheshire Cat.

• “This night doesn’t have to come a waste amore, come, take a seat. Though I know what I want to eat more than dinner at the moment is sitting right in front of me. Who am I to neglect such a sweet treat?”

Ghiaccio

• Nobody saw him becoming a father, least of all Ghiaccio himself. But when he picks up his baby after giving them a bath and holds them to his chest, he doesn’t regret any choice that brought him here. He’s short with them, but never in a mean way. He holds their hand, they play house and he watches his kids shows with a grumble and a groan. (You can often hear him humming the Arthur theme song under his breath at work).

• Work as an at home mechanic keeps him busy, but he enjoys the work. He’s toned, and he’s packing lean muscles everywhere. He’s got little hair, but stubble in his face creeps up quicker than he realizes. (He’s got a bubble butt that all the local moms stare at intensely)

• He knows he needs someone to help, HE KNOWS he just… doesn’t want to give up time with his kid. He knows they need other influences and he needs time for work, but he’s hesitant. But when he hires you and sees you wipe applesauce off of his kids cheek, he blushes as hard as can be. But he pushes it down and returns outside to work. He thinks about it again that night and SCREAMS into his pillow.

• Another time your hand brushes his and he just freezes. You apologize and he has to hold back a rant. Not that he’s mad, he just doesn’t want to admit he and his child enjoy your company, in fact, they relish it completely. He thinks about how soft and delicate your hands are, and ignores the tent in his pants.

•So when you put his kid down for a nap and see him leering in the doorway, you ignore the urge to jump this older man’s bones. He’s got a small shirt on that clings to him, and the muscles on his back twitch and he fights the way he wants to make you scream his name into the pillows.

• “Hey. You aren’t busy, would you like to, Uh, come check out something with me?” The words come out of his mouth stilted and awkward and you smile. Hopefully you can check something out other than his butt as you walk down the hall to see whatever he wanted to show you. He grabs your hand and it all makes sense, the flush on your cheeks is only going to get worse as the night goes on, but neither of you know that yet. :)

[daisys-gard3n]

jojo preschool au except you're starting to realize how many of your students have really hot single dads.

[tenthgrove]

Hate the whole "33 is the oldest canon age we'll give for a mafia" in part 5 like no give us dilfs. Prosciutto is 45, elegant as fuck and I will fight anyone who tries to disagree. I won't settle for anything less than 40 y/o technologically illiterate Illuso who uses an ellipsis to end a text and makes his recipients overthink the implications of his "ok..."

Mmmmm DILFS.

I have to confess I personally wouldn't put anyone that old although the thought is attractive, but now you mention it I have been considering moving around some of my age HCs to make some of them a little older. Prosciutto, unfortunately, has to be 36 due to certain things in my backstory that have to happen at certain times to make sense (it's complicated but it's mainly due to a series of things that have to happen between the ages of 15-19 or they get contrived) but there are no such constraints on Sorbet and Gelato's ages.

Illuso... sorry, no disrespect but I see him as youngish. I really like the hc of Risotto being the dead middle in age, so the oldest I can make Illuso is 28. But rest assured, hilarious difficulties with tech are not at all scarce with Prosciutto or the ice cream boys.

On the flip side of the coin I'm actually looking to bump Ghia and Pesci's ages down slightly. I'm moving them down from 20 and 19 respectively both to 18. This is again, for backstory reasons. I wanted Ghia to be younger because of the whole thing about him joining as a kid to be more extreme, and now he's joining at 13 instead of 15.

[industriallyinsecure]

How would yandere La Squadra go about their darling being extremely paranoid... maybe even an abduction survivor? Like, they won't drink or eat anything that's not sealed or prepared by them, they won't go anywhere without telling a loved one or friend where they are and where they're going. They only use their own car or commute with ppl they are close with, their door has several locks and bolts, the windows have special locks and they have a hidden weapon on their body and know how to use it.

I apologize for the long wait!

Sorbet and Gelato don’t care. Gelato is audacious enough to keep testing your boundaries by inserting himself into your life as mere coincidences. Sorbet is the only one keeping you safe, in a strange way. He constantly has to talk Gelato down with kisses and promises of taking you soon. Even if you pulled a weapon on them, there’s two of them. Your odds wouldn’t even be that great with just one of them pursuing you. The only problem is orchestrating the whole ordeal just right. With the constant paper trail you left, it would be difficult to just snatch you up and make you disappear off the face of the earth so suddenly. They have to strike in the golden hour, which, much to Gelato’s displeasure, means they have to leave you alone. When you stop frantically updating your friends and family, Gelato kicks in your door and Sorbet restrains you. Of course, when you wake up in an unfamiliar place with two men sandwiching you, the carefully crafted walls you put up to protect yourself from your past abduction come crumbling down. Gelato feels the tiniest bit remorseful and tries to kiss it better, but nothing works and they end up having to knock you out. Sorbet scolds Gelato for his hastiness while they cuddle on the chair across from the bed where your sleeping body whimpered and twitched. It would take some time to help you rebuild from your trauma, but the Milk and Milkless Dessert couple weren’t known for giving up easily.

Risotto is the same way. It’s part of the reason he was drawn to you. After researching about a hit and discovering they had kidnapped and held someone for ransom unsuccessfully, he felt it necessary to check in on the victim to see if there were any connections between them and Passione. More accurately, to see if the victim would cause any problems for Passione. When he first seeks you out, he’s not surprised about your demeanor. But something about your mouselike timidness drew him in. He knows he has to measure his steps carefully if he wants to get close. There’s a lot of methodical planning involved to make sure he doesn’t accidentally scare you off. He attempts to insert himself in your life subtly, appearing in places you go but not engaging you. When he was finally bold enough to seek you out in your own home, he finally saw the extent of your trauma. Metallica made it easy to bypass the many locks on the door, but it was a chore to do. Finding you waiting behind the door with a gun drawn was certainly a surprise, though. Seeing your perpetual eyebags and frowning features so frightened made his heart ache. It’s too bad you were close enough for Metallica to work. He’s positive you would’ve put up a good fight. But for now he’s focused on getting you tucked in. There was no reason to whisk you away when it was clear you were smart enough to be scared of the world outside.

Ghiaccio always has to be in the right, no matter the situation. He doesn’t care that you have trauma that makes your day to day hell or that his constant presence makes you wary and weary. His needs and desires come first at the cost of your comfort. He only compromises on his yelling when he notices he makes you flinch. Other than that, he’ll pester you nonstop. It’s a mystery how he is always where you are without fail. At a certain point, you refuse to leave your home because of it. Ghiaccio isn’t understanding of this and nearly breaks down your door and sends you into a panic attack. Seeing you scream and shield yourself with your arms makes him hesitate. What breaks him is when you plead for him to leave you alone and to not hurt you. It’s a rare moment of clarity in his obsession addled mind and he tries his best to calm you down, even though his touch makes you flinch away. In the middle of his attempt to soothe you, he ends up covering you in frost. The effects of White Album make your reactions sluggish and weak, but you have plenty of time to consider how you got here as he hefts you over his shoulder and buckles you into the passenger’s seat, wrapping the seatbelt around you several times.

Melone honestly has an Obsession of the Week™️, which more than half the time is just for scientific purposes. He likes to psychoanalyze random people he sees, just for funsies. You, on the other hand, were far too interesting to just dissect mentally and move on. He tuned in when you asked for a drink that was from an unopened case of products, and his interest only heightened when he saw you take a very calculated path through the lounge area. He noted you made sure to move in the blind spots of the windows and cameras before nestling safely in a corner where you could see the whole room, all the while peeking over your shoulder. At first, he thought OCD or some other disorder. It made sense, but he watched you timidly flick your eyes around as you uncapped your drink , sniffed it, and took a tentative sip. Melone is already mentally logging this information, creating trials and assessing variables as you sip away at your beverage. Of course when he went to pursue you after you left, he didn’t expect for you to pull a knife on him and threaten him with wide eyes to stay away. The reasons you gave were conjecture, though. He could see that you weren’t quite sure of your choice to confront him, the minuscule shaking of your hand only proving it. It’s laughably easy for him to disarm you, even if his thievery skills have gotten rusty from his transition from petty thief into assassin. After his civil approach, by his own standards, you're toted off to a nearby safe house where he could keep you while he arranges for your accommodations elsewhere.

This is a problem for Prosciutto. He and Formaggio are the most social creatures of La Squadra (Melone is well… social in a different way). Prosciutto loves to be seen. He likes going to the opera, to have someone on his arm dressed almost as finely as he was, to go to art auctions, to go out to a restaurant where the prices were high and the portions low. So your paranoid personality, while understandable, poses a problem for the fantasy he made within five minutes of seeing you shuffle around the market in what he would describe as “bum clothes” (aka sweatpants and a baggy shirt). He notes that every step you take is deliberate, every move calculated and determined beforehand. With his years of stealth training, he trails you for a while to fully observe you. One thing that stuck out to him was that you were always in public places, among crowds with just enough people that you would be missed if you were swept off your feet by a dashing blond in a finely pressed suit. Prosciutto is a fixer. He lives to nitpick and improve and fix everyone he cares for, and you are no different. Soon you’ll find yourself in the company of the handsome blond you’ve seen around town, whether you like it or not. He takes it upon himself to interject and speak over you when it comes to certain things, stating how you should’ve handled a situation. Your paranoia is soon taken advantage of, with Prosciutto feeding into it by isolating you and forcing you to depend on him. Not that he minds. He loves to help people improve. On his terms, of course.

Illuso takes it as a challenge. He’s very reserved as well, and when he observed you for his own interest, it was kismet. Illuso is great at playing the long game and letting his opponent’s psyche get the best of them. With your ‘weakened’ mind, he could play around with you as much as he liked. Tapping on your (barred)window, the mirror, moving stuff. Your own personal curator of hell. He never once feels bad, but he wondered why he didn’t stop playing poltergeist after his usual week or so. Soon he found himself just…staring at your permanently furrowed brow and frowning lips. Maybe if he isolated you in a place where he knew there wouldn’t be anyone, he could get something out of you? Secretly pulls you into the mirror world and observes you. He lets you sit in the comfort of assured solitude before making his grand entrance. Of course he didn’t expect to get punched in the gut and to have a knife pulled on him. He might boast that Man in the Mirror is the strongest stand, but stands are pretty much useless when you’re taken by surprise by someone you underestimated. For a moment, he can’t decide if this makes him like you a lot more, or if you deserve a kick to the gut. Maybe both.

Formaggio firmly believes in the ideology of “take no shit, give no fucks”. He may be social, but he’s not exactly socially intelligent. Case in point, he didn’t understand that his social butterfly-ness might be a huge turn off for some people. So he’s pretty much at a loss for what to do. His previous flings loved it, but you, well, you wanted nothing to do with him in any capacity. Formaggio was supposed to have been scouting his hit, but he was mostly checking out the Milfs, Dilfs, and Pilfs (parent) that passed. And when his gaze finally fell on you, sitting by yourself, he had to swoop in. Similar to how he reacts to Narancia, he’s very affable when you pull your weapon on him and threaten him with very serious eyes, even joking with you playfully when you ask him what he thinks he’s doing. I love him dearly, but Formaggio is a dumb man. He can’t read social cues and probably just thinks you’re playing hard to get when in reality you have trauma. But since he hides all his trauma and self hatred behind jokes, it takes him a while to fully realize that you’re broken. And what do you do with broken things? Why, stick them in a doll house and provide for them, of course!

[bovine-providence]

FIC MASTERLIST

I ended up having enough fics that I needed to make a masterlist for my masterlists. Each masterlist has a genre guide and is organized by affiliation and character!

Hunter x Hunter

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Jujutsu Kaisen

BITS & PIECES

JJK Grocery Store AU

Your JJK F/O Comforts You

La Squadra’s Poor Compensation

La Squadra On A ‘Trip’

Silver Fox La Squadra

Older/Dilf!Illuso

Dilf!Professor Risotto

“Look at Me” During Sex

Sub!Ghiaccio

Why Pucci’s Unsettling

Getting Illuso in ASBR

‘Wild Horses’ with Prosciutto

[dicksoutformtl]

I miss playing dnd (5e) so excuse me I throw out random ideas for la squadra & their races :3c

has anyone considered a warforged risotto, i think specifically he’d be a neat envoy for the subspecies c: ( juggernaut could also be cool for him!! ) sorry everybody but I have to also add the Goliath* & or a Minotaur (go to page 23 it’s being mean :( ), there isn’t a good reason they’re just one of my favorite races.

hmm either melone or illuso would be really interesting as changelings, they’d be neat for different reasons. Melone would also be super cool as like a Vedalken by themselves or Vedalken/Elf Simic Hybrid c: Illuso I’m still really stuck on changeling, but I could see him as a Water Genasi*.

I won’t lie I think it’d be funny if formaggio was one of the smaller races like a Gnome would fit him nicely. I’d specifically say for subspecies a Rock Gnome. Satyr* would also be great for maggi boy!!

Pesci my beloved boy I legally have say a water “guy” so I’m choosing a Triton*, I also think a Tortle (go to page 3 & 4) would be rather neat for him :3c Oh oh sorry one more I think a Firbolg* but they’re also just one of my faves also lol.

Prosciutto was a hard one cause my gut thought was to be a Fallen Aasimar, but to be more serious I’d like to think he be an Elf maybe a High Elf for subspecies hmm or a drow elf could be cool I bet c:

Ok ok hear me out on this but Sorbet as an Centaur (page 19) & I’m totally not basing this soley off the campaign I’m in where we had a DILF centaur we spent like 45 minutes on just him lmao. But no to be serious I also like him as a skirmisher warforged— oh oh oh a Dragonborn would be neat also~!!

Gelato I won’t lie I love him as a dwarf, specifically a moutian dwarf they’re taller then the others & very sturdy/hardy lads. Have we considered a Kenku for him that would be really cool~!

Sorbet & Gelato together could also be both Shifters, Sorbet would be of the Swiftstride or a Wildhunt. Gelato would be of either Longtooth or a Beasthide. ( the link has all four so you can read them all on one page c: )

The little * is meant for you to turn the page~!

But let’s be real here they would all be very sexy & cool as teiflings but here’s some other races that could work.

Sorry for all the repetition I’m very bad with words :’)

[hazymultiverse]

after those kid la squadra headcanons i just need to have babies with adult la squadra because their kids will 100% be like them omGGG

Risotto Nero: Risottos child is quiet, shy, and absolutely adores their dad. Ris can calm them down with a single word, no matter how hard they’re crying, just a low hush and hummed lullaby and they’re sleeping like a rock.

He’s a real good dad, but very nervous. He’s probably gonna be scared to hold them at first, until you actually insist, and he ever so carefully holds the little bundle. He cries. It’s probably the one time you’ve ever seen him cry, but tears run down his face as the tiny hand grips his fingers.

The baby has his eyes, and Risotto isn’t sure how to feel, but he’s damn sure he won’t let them feel the loneliness he did for it.

Formaggio: Giggliest baby you’ve ever seen. They find everything hilarious, and Formaggio is absolutely living for the new, attentive audience.

He does his best to be a good dad, though he doesn’t always have the most common sense, so, you might have to step in. You’ve already had to have a talk about his “little baby, big baby” game, and the possible effects repeated stand usage can have on the child. He’s a heart attack to watch, but there haven’t been any major injuries yet, and the kid seems to love being swung and tossed by their dad.

Prosciutto: Stern dad! Serious baby!

He’s probably going to sit and talk the baby like an adult, giving a talk about how inappropriate it was that they started crying at three am. The child just likes his voice, and probably starts chewing on his pendant, derailing the conversation completely. The baby has his glare! And it’s absolutely hilarious on their chubby little face. He never admits how soft he is on the kid, claiming that he refuses to baby them as they grow up, and how they’ll have to fight their way through life, but then in the dead of the night, you can hear him talking to the baby, easing them back to sleep and mumbling about how much he adores them, how he promises to keep them safe.

Pesci: PANIC. The baby is pretty nervous, so is Pesci, but he ends up being a great dad. Naps on dads chest, watching movies together, they’re practically inseparable. The kid probably has him wrapped around their tiny finger before long, he can’t stand to see them cry, because he too, will start crying. The baby ends up being spoiled rotten because of it, but it’s worth it to see them laughing together.

You’re gonna probably get a fish tank for the house, both of them could sit for hours together just to watch., the baby pointing and babbling, and Pesci telling them all about what kind of fish it is.

Illuso: “this makes me a dilf now. It’s official”

“Would you just shut up and enjoy the moment”

Can get a bit frustrated with how much of his life he has to change, how he has to tie his hair back differently lest it be pulled by grabby hands, but no matter what, he’s a dedicated father. Will use his stand for the ultimate games of peekaboo. The entire mirror thing is either going to entertain the child to no end, or scar them for life, there’s no in between.

Speaking of the mirror world, he finds ways to baby proof it, or if they’re fussing in the middle of the night, he’ll carry and sooth them in the mirror so you can go back to sleep. The child is quiet and watchful, but he makes sure to teach them his trademark smug superiority.

Melone: oh, he thought he was ready. He was not ready.

Turns out, actual children?? Very different from Babyface! They have emotions, and can’t talk, and don’t understand what you’re saying. He’s lost.

Once he gets the hang of it though, he does better, and is constantly talking to the baby because of a study he read about. Does your baby need to hear about high level sciences in between bites of applesauce? No. But Melone wants to see what’ll happen if they do. You end up with a child that knows a bunch of random facts that adults might not even know, even if they aren’t sure what it means.

Ghiaccio: Probably holds the baby at arms length at first. No idea what he’s doing and has probably startled them with his sudden volume changes quite a few times, but he’s trying, he really is.

It’s gonna be rough at first just because he runs cold, so the baby is less likely to cuddle up to him. When you finally manage to find the right way of swaddling them up for Ghia to really hold them, he refuses to give them back for over an hour. Overall, he’s a loud, confident dad and your child will never lack emotional support from him. No one hurts his baby.

Sorbet and Gelato: they’re... shockingly good fathers, but the kid is weird. Like, real weird. Probably has a bug collection, or possibly collects bones. Barely laughs, but when they do, it’s really loud. They’re either going to have Gelatos mischief or Sorbets stone cold temper, and honestly either one is equally bad. If you haven’t been deemed one of their favorite people you’re going to have the absolute worst time. If you are one of the chosen, however, they won’t leave you alone. Expect this baby to gift you all sorts of presents, soggy Cheetos that have been crushed in their tiny hand, a cool rock, a living animal that you have no idea how they caught it.

[cherwd-pen]

my jjba mains off the top of my head who can / can’t handle a poc love interest

CAN: old!joseph, dilf!jotaro, giorno, JOSUKE OUR LIGHTSKIN BOY, TOMOKO, AVDOL, mista our afro-latino king, formaggio, risotto, diavolo, every female istg, gyro, okuyasu, JOLYNE

CANT: young!joseph, ph!dio, gappy, illuso, ghiaccio, kars, johnny

50/50: sdc!jotaro, POLNAREFF, narancia, melone, pesci, prosciutto, caesar, SDC!DIO

[bjnurse]

Adulting AU

Ya know what I think about a lot? La Squadra grocery shopping.

•Ghiaccio isn’t allowed to go but has plenty of opinions on what to buy. He’s unhappy with what was brought home, even if it is exactly what he wrote on the list.

•Melone flirts with every milf in the store (and a few dilfs of course). He always comes home with a few phone numbers. He’s so distracted that he gets maybe half the things on the list.

•Formaggio intentionally buys half the stuff on the list. The other half is stuff is that he thinks is “better” than what was listed.

•Prosciutto would rather wait in the car than do the shopping himself. But if Pesci is in charge of the list, Prosciutto is there to help. Although he’ll probably be grumbling most of the time. He might need a break or two to have a cigarette.

•Illuso is the fastest shopper but often misses an item or gets the wrong thing. He just wants to get it over with!

•Gelato and Sorbet take the longest. They browse the isles slowly and flirt at every chance.

•Risotto is just amused by the “team work” or lack there of every time. Later, he goes himself to fix whatever fuck up had occurred. It’s his job to take care of his team and meals are a part of that.

[ao3feed-giomis]

by Pixelated_flowers

This all started with the idea of Joseph and Caesar working in a Bath and Body works, and became a planning document with over 46 pages. There are characters for every part, and hijinks ensue.

Words: 1698, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Jonathan Joestar, Erina Pendleton Joestar, Dio Brando, Joseph Joestar, Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Elizabeth Joestar | Lisa Lisa, Kaaz | Cars, Esidisi | ACDC, Santana (Jojo), Wamuu | Wham, Kujo Jotaro, Kakyoin Noriaki, Jean Pierre Polnareff, Mohammed Abdul, Boingo (JoJo), Oingo (JoJo), Hol Horse, Enyaba (JoJo), Vanilla Ice (Jojo), Higashikata Josuke (JoJolion), Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Nijimura Okuyasu, Hirose Koichi, Yamagishi Yukako, Kishibe Rohan, Tsuji Aya, Fungami Yuuya, Tonio Trussardi, Hazekura Mikitaka, Sugimoto Reimi, Kira Yoshikage (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Kira Yoshikage (JoJolion), Yanguu Shigekiyo, Otoishi Akira, Shizuka Joestar, Leone Abbacchio, Bruno Buccellati, Giorno Giovanna, Guido Mista, Narancia Ghirga, Pannacotta Fugo, Risotto Nero, Ghiaccio (JoJo), Melone (JoJo), Formaggio (JoJo), Diavolo (JoJo), Vinegar Doppio, Trish Una, Illuso (JoJo), Prosciutto (JoJo), Pesci (JoJo), Carne (Jojo), Sorbet (JoJo), Gelato (JoJo), Squalo (JoJo), Tiziano (Jojo), Cioccolata (JoJo), Secco (JoJo), Kujo Jolyne, F. F. | Foo Fighters (Jojo), Hermes Costello, Enrico Pucci, Narciso Anasui, Weather Report (JoJo), Emporio Alniño, Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, Diego Brando, Hot Pants (JoJo), Funny Valentine, Scarlet Valentine, Lucy Steel (JoJo), Mountain Tim (JoJo), Higashikata Joshuu, Hirose Yasuho, Kujo Josefumi, Nijimura Kyou, Higashikata Norisuke, Higashikata Jobin, Higashikata Hato, Dainenjiyama Aishou, Sakunami Karera

Relationships: Erina Pendleton Joestar/Jonathan Joestar, Joseph Joestar/Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable)/Nijimura Okuyasu, Kishibe Rohan/Tonio Trussardi, Leone Abbacchio/Bruno Buccellati, Giorno Giovanna/Guido Mista, Pannacotta Fugo/Narancia Ghirga, Risotto Nero/Prosciutto, Ghiaccio/Melone (JoJo), Gelato/Sorbet (Jojo), Squalo/Tiziano (Jojo), Kira Yoshikage (JoJolion)/Kujo Josefumi, Kawajiri Shinobu/Kira Yoshikage (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Formaggio/Illuso (Jojo), Cioccolata/Secco (JoJo), Dio Brando/Enrico Pucci, Hermes Costello/Kujo Jolyne, F. F. | Foo Fighters/Kujo Jolyne, Hermes Costello/F. F. | Foo Fighters/Kujo Jolyne, Hermes Costello/F. F. | Foo Fighters, Johnny Joestar/Gyro Zeppeli, Higashikata Josuke (JoJolion)/Hirose Yasuho

Additional Tags: jesus christ thats a lot of tags, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Malls, pretty much everyone works in the mall, did we include as many characters as possible? yes, are we going to add more? yes, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Best Friends, Hot Topic, risotto and abbachio work in a hot topic, there are way to many things to be able to tag here and theyre already too long, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, jonathan is a dilf, dilf, mall employee AU

[squadrah]

got inspired by the awesome dilf post, so please: la squadra as milfs???

I'M SOBBING, here we go I guess!! I'm dialing this one to eleven!!

Risotto: She's giant in every way so everyone else appears quite small next to her. She's usually in the kitchen or her kitchen garden, picking fruit from her trees without needing so much as a stool to reach most of them. Rumor has it she once slapped a wild bear in the face with her chancla to defend her family, and if asked about it, she will modestly look away and murmur, "Anyone else would have done the same." (The bear never came back, by the way.)

Formaggio: You can tell she used to be a hardcore punk: she still sports a buzz cut, with red lipstick and golden hoop earrings to add some bright colors. She's top heavy and proud of it, so she makes sure to show ample cleavage and likes to wear leather jackets. She loves to go out and constantly organizes outings for her friends and family; has never missed an event, and has never left an event without drinking something. A dangerous flirt.

Prosciutto: She's extremely overcommitted, and how she hasn't gone insane yet from micromanaging everything from work to her entire family's smallest concerns is a mystery. Her children are still affected by her leaning in and papping their cheeks, and the impression is even stronger on covetous strangers. Only ever lets her curly hair down for evening parties, at which point she basically transforms into into a femme fatale. Pegs like a battering ram.

Pesci: Always overcome by severe gender dysphoria whenever she compares herself to her more feminine peers, but she makes do with cute and novel ways of styling her scant hair, nice patterned tops and trouser skirts. She's often shy, but sometimes has her bold moments that suggest she could be a real firecracker if properly encouraged. Does a lot of heavy lifting that reveals ridiculous core strength and flexibility. Loves dancing and rhythm games.

Ghiaccio: The only one in yoga class who wishes you were allowed to scream out loud, and the only parent who, if their child takes up a sport, will take up that sport herself both as a form of support and as a means of bonding with her child and people her age. Is a health freak and makes kale smoothies, but since her legs look great in tight pants and her tits are rock hard, she's clearly winning. Has probably never had an orgasm, so there's a good challenge.

Melone: How is she still alive, and why does she still look like a barely aged scene girl? Nobody knows, not even her, but she's happy to lounge on her designated bean bag chair in cute pajamas and her laptop always on. Be careful around her: her brain is oversaturated with niche Wikipedia articles and she'll tell you all about them as soon as you're near enough to hear, and you might in ten minutes find yourself painting her toenails while she's reading your horoscope.

Illuso: Oh, she is the ultimate Karen. Luscious hair styles, immaculate manicures, the latest mom fashions, and a holier-than-thou smirk that instantly makes the manager homicidal. Knows her coupons and discounts more than the Bible but she's dressed to the nines every Sunday flashing that mass stipend to let everyone know she's more generous of heart than they could ever be, then whines at the barista about her order. Teases her children mercilessly.

Sorbet: That one esoteric plant witch who loves her orchids more than her own children, and would become a certified hermit if she could. Since she's stuck with her family, however, she stalks around her home like she's embodying Morticia Addams, and talks to everyone in a dry and ominous tone. Watches too many murder mysteries and cooks mushroom stew right after. You are welcome to indulge her obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: The whimsical happy-go lucky mom that every fanciful child dreams of, the type who builds blanket forts in the living room, thinks that everyone deserves a little treat always, and actively assists whenever anyone around her wants to try something new and possibly dangerous. Has nearly burned down her house a dozen times but she keeps toasting marshmallows in bed with a blowtorch. Hope you have insurance if you decide to engage.

[mothmansmilkman]

Big ol Information Sheet About My JJBA Part 5 OC That I Love (AKA I know im the only one who cares about this but i gotta put my self-indulgent shit SOMEWHERE)

TW for weapons, child abuse and endangerment, and other canon-typical Jojo stuff 

Name: Rio (last name unknown)

Stand: White Room

Age: Unknown, but assumed to be 14 (celebrates the day she was discovered after her attempted murder like a birthday)

Height: 5′2″

Favorite Food: Cherry pastries

Favorite Movie: The Little Mermaid

Favorite Band: Nirvana

BACKSTORY

Rio doesn't remember much about her childhood, but she remembers living in a house with a loving mother and father.

Her life was changed one night when she was 4 years old. As her mother layed her in her bed, she told Rio that no matter what she heard downstairs to not scream or go down there.

A terrified Rio heard the sounds of her parents being murdered hours later. As the perpetrator was searching the house, he discovered Rio huddled in her bed. But, instead of killing her along with the rest of her family, he decided to kidnap her.

For years, Rio was kept a slave in that person's house. Only hearing of the outside world through TV, radio, and overhearing conversations between houseguests, she had begun to have fantasies of what the world outside the house must be like.

She would find out on the day she was murdered. In the middle of the night, her kidnapper took Rio to an alley armed with a Stand Arrow. Since a Stand Arrow leaves no visible wound after the act, he assumed that Rio would die and whoever found her body would assume she was a runaway that died from malnutrition or something.

However, Rio awoke hours after having the arrow stabbed into her abdomen. But strangely, the alley she remembered being in had changed into a pink castle. With the small bits of knowledge she had, she just thought to herself "I must be dead. So this must be what heaven looks like..." and went back to sleep. 

Now Here’s Where We Get Self-Insert-y!

I’d like to imagine if Rio would end up in any of the canon Vento Aureo groups, she would be in La Squadra because 

1. I want to see these dudes dealing with a literal child

2. There’s a line in the song White Room “She was kindness in the hard crowd” and I like when the musical references tie in to the character’s personality. 

At the time of Rio being discovered, I personally headcanon that La Squadra wasn’t fully formed, and the only members being there were Risotto, Sorbet, Gelato, Formaggio, Proscuitto, and Melone. (Illuso, Pesci, and Ghiacchio would be the more recent members) (Sorry if all this is wrong, i havent actually read the manga ;_;)

Anyway, one of the members would be concerned about a pink castle being where a pink castle would not usually be. And they would be more concerned when no one else on the street even payed attention to it, as if it wasn’t there. But, as if the Stand knew someone was there, a door appeared on the castle’s wall. Hesitantly, they opened the door, ready for a battle. 

...instead, they saw a disheveled, malnourished, young girl curled up on the dirty ground. When she opened her eyes and stared up at him, she finally spoke. 

“God? ...how long have I been dead?”

Eventually, the gangster would take Rio to their home and ask for her story. The original plan was to let the child take a bath, have a meal, and then take her to an orphanage. However, certain details made the gangster feel more pity, like how Rio didn’t know enough about her past to remember her own last name or birthday. But, as soon as she described her “death” via a gold arrow, the assassin realized something bigger. 

If someone had access to a Stand Arrow, there was a chance they were part of Passione. It would be dangerous to leave Rio alone. This would eventually (after explaining the situation to Risotto), lead to Rio becoming a resident of the La Squadra safehouse. 

Life With La Squadra

Rio would be hesitant at first to ask La Squadra for anything. Not just because they’re intimidating criminals, but because she was already grateful for everything they had done for her. They saved her life, but also bought her clothes and things a kid would need. They also figured out that she was probably 10 years old. Her only request upon being given permission to live in the safehouse was that she would be taught how to read. 

As time passed, the walls, both mental and physical (White Room’s fault for the physical ones), between Rio and the other members began to fall. She had begun to view every member as a father figure, even referring to them as “Papa [name]”. 

Learning to read also showed the members that Rio was intelligent along with being kind. She had developed a habit of checking out books from the city’s library and copying the text by hand into a notebook as she read it, giving her a copy of her own. While she enjoyed children’s books, she enjoyed non-fiction even more, because it gave her more information about the outside world. 

The other members would actually be happy to take Rio out in public when they weren’t on missions. (Especially Formaggio because hed act like she was his real daughter to try and look like a dilf) It would always be entertaining to go from having an intelligent conversation with a booksmart 10 year old to watching them get excited over ice cream or a big teddy bear. 

Rio’s favorite things to collect would be stuffed animals and warm blankets. Also books, but she copies hers from the library, so she feels no reason to want to buy any. 

Despite being happy and calm most of the time, Rio still has trauma from her past. Certain triggers will suddenly end up with White Room suddenly appearing around Rio, with the memory in question being displayed on the walls for all of the members near her to see. When White Room fades, Rio has usually started crying, and needs a few minutes before she can speak again. 

When Rio eventually started copying medical textbooks, she asked (because no one hid the fact that La Squadra killed people) if they could bring a corpse back so she could dissect a body herself. Sorbet and Gelato would be the only ones to say yes, and actually follow through. 

Rio eventually learns about Christmas. On her first December 25th with the gang, she gives everyone a knife painted in their favorite color. 

Since I headcanon Pesci and Ghiacchio as the youngest of the La Squadra boys, Rio would call them her Big Brothers. 

White Room

The whole time she’s with La Squadra, Rio has been training White Room. Eventually, she learned her stand has 3 abilities:

1. It can create a room.

2. It can manipulate the room. The size, the color, etc. She can even display her own thoughts onto the walls. 

3. If she understands something completely, she can create a copy of it that only exists inside the room. 

Rio realizes she can use her stand for killing was when she was 11. A stranger trying to rob her while she was running an errand alone brought up a fight-or-flight reaction, leading to White Room crushing the attacker as if they were inside a trash compactor. 

When Rio learns that she can copy items that she understands, the first thing she asks is to learn how a gun works. The rest of La Squadra had known she would end up as part of Passione someday, because honestly they couldn’t see her having anywhere else to go, but they were wary of letting her join THEIR part of Passione since there was a very high likelihood of death. However, Rio quickly learned the ins and outs of weapons. She proved herself to be worthy as a member of La Squadra when she completed a mission, killing a man by slitting his throat with a knife created by White Room. At 11 and a half years old (possibly because no one really knows how old she is), she became the youngest official member of Passione at the time (and possibly youngest ever). 

Rio prefers to work with her father figures on missions rather than work alone. Her strategy is to secure the perimeter of the area with White Room, so the target can’t escape and no one else can enter. Then, she waits with a sniper rifle. She wants to have her papas and brothers backs, and act as support in their battles. It makes her feel like she’s returning the support they always gave her. 

How Rio Would End Up In The Events of Vento Aureo

Rio would be 12 years old when Sorbet and Gelato die. As the picture frames were being opened, she would recognize a body part as something she saw in a medical book. 

The realization that it was her Papa Sorbet’s body would click in her mind, but she’d refuse to believe it. As the members of the team place the frames in order, they all start to regret letting Rio be in the same room. 

She later gets the news of Gelato’s death. 

Rio openly weeps at the funeral. This was the first time her heart ever truly felt broken, since she wasn’t old enough when her real parents died to really remember them. It takes Rio a while to start acting like her old self again. Like the rest of La Squadra, she never forgives the Boss for this. Despite feeling anger when Risotto told the gang to just “Forget about Sorbet and Gelato”, she understood that any act of revenge that wasn’t thoroughly planned out would make her or worse, more of her papas and brothers to suffer the same fate. 

AU Where Bucci Gang and La Squadra Team Up Because That’s What I Wish Would’ve Happened (Also i just dont want to write Rio dying like they do in canon)

Seriously tho if Giorno or maybe buccellati would've gone on the shopping trip this au probably wouldve happened

Rio would be 14 at the time Giorno happened and the events of Vento Aureo took place. 

Rio would love having people closer to her age around. I imagine she'd become friends with Narancia and Fugo (because Narancia can have fun and can give her the childhood fun she never had, and Fugo because finally someone with brain cells). I imagine she’d see one of their study sessions one day and just join. 

Tbh Trish and Rio need each other. They need other girls in their lives.

Rio is okay with Mista, but likes Sex Pistols more. Buccellati wishes it wasnt too late for him to adopt her

If the boat scene would still happen in this AU, I think Rio would go with Fugo. It's not that she's scared of fighting the Boss, it's because La Squadra doesn't know if they can handle her dying at such a young age. They tell Fugo that if he's leaving, to take Rio with him in order to track down any possible living relatives (or anyone who could possibly know Rio's true identity)

Before they leave, Rio tells the group to find her again when they come back. She had faith that with their numbers and combined abilities, the 2 gangs could take down whatever was in their path. Sadly, when Giorno reaches out after the events of VA, only a few survived.

Rio would, of course, end up joining Passione again like in Purple Haze Feedback. This last image is a design of an older Rio (maybe age 16-18)

[daisys-gard3n]

Halloween but you're a babysitter and you go around the neighborhood scouring for JoJo Dilfs to fuck 😩

You swore it was just to advertise your services, but then realize there were a lot of hot single dads in your neighborhood.

You handed out candy to the trick-or-treaters that came to your door but then found the hot dads. There was lil Giogio in his ladybug costume, Rykiel in his cow costume, Donatello in a skeleton costume, and Ungalo in a Peter Pan costume all next to their extremely hot dad (who kinda flirted with you?

Then there was Narancia making airplane noises in his fighter plane costume and Fugo dressed as Frankenstein, with their hot dad Abbacchio sipping on a to-go coffee cup (totally not wine).

Mista in a lil cowboy costume and Bruno reminding him to say thank you and smiling towards you at the end.

Large goth dad risotto who dressed up as a vampire alongside his kids: Spider Formaggio and Robot Ghiaccio. Later comes in Zombie Prosciutto with lil devil Melone, slasher Illuso, and lil pineapple Pesci.

And then there's mermaid Jolyne and her father Jotaro wearing a dolphin costume.

And then Diavolo and Trish wearing a prince and princess costume (he was forced to wear it)

And so on.

Oh yeah, you're in business baby

[tenthgrove]

Risotto, you are a confirmed dilf and the rest of the squad are your children. Prosciutto is the big brother who has to babysit

Risotto: "I think you're neglecting Sorbet and Gelato here, but I will accept the compliment. I try my best."

Illuso comes in being chased by Formaggio. Risotto trips them both with the carpet

[ao3feed-caejose]

Jojo's Mall Adventure

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2MOcs7A

by Pixelated_flowers

This all started with the idea of Joseph and Caesar working in a Bath and Body works, and became a planning document with over 46 pages. There are characters for every part, and hijinks ensue.

Words: 1698, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Jonathan Joestar, Erina Pendleton Joestar, Dio Brando, Joseph Joestar, Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Elizabeth Joestar | Lisa Lisa, Kaaz | Cars, Esidisi | ACDC, Santana (Jojo), Wamuu | Wham, Kujo Jotaro, Kakyoin Noriaki, Jean Pierre Polnareff, Mohammed Abdul, Boingo (JoJo), Oingo (JoJo), Hol Horse, Enyaba (JoJo), Vanilla Ice (Jojo), Higashikata Josuke (JoJolion), Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Nijimura Okuyasu, Hirose Koichi, Yamagishi Yukako, Kishibe Rohan, Tsuji Aya, Fungami Yuuya, Tonio Trussardi, Hazekura Mikitaka, Sugimoto Reimi, Kira Yoshikage (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Kira Yoshikage (JoJolion), Yanguu Shigekiyo, Otoishi Akira, Shizuka Joestar, Leone Abbacchio, Bruno Buccellati, Giorno Giovanna, Guido Mista, Narancia Ghirga, Pannacotta Fugo, Risotto Nero, Ghiaccio (JoJo), Melone (JoJo), Formaggio (JoJo), Diavolo (JoJo), Vinegar Doppio, Trish Una, Illuso (JoJo), Prosciutto (JoJo), Pesci (JoJo), Carne (Jojo), Sorbet (JoJo), Gelato (JoJo), Squalo (JoJo), Tiziano (Jojo), Cioccolata (JoJo), Secco (JoJo), Kujo Jolyne, F. F. | Foo Fighters (Jojo), Hermes Costello, Enrico Pucci, Narciso Anasui, Weather Report (JoJo), Emporio Alniño, Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, Diego Brando, Hot Pants (JoJo), Funny Valentine, Scarlet Valentine, Lucy Steel (JoJo), Mountain Tim (JoJo), Higashikata Joshuu, Hirose Yasuho, Kujo Josefumi, Nijimura Kyou, Higashikata Norisuke, Higashikata Jobin, Higashikata Hato, Dainenjiyama Aishou, Sakunami Karera

Relationships: Erina Pendleton Joestar/Jonathan Joestar, Joseph Joestar/Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, Kakyoin Noriaki/Kujo Jotaro, Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable)/Nijimura Okuyasu, Kishibe Rohan/Tonio Trussardi, Leone Abbacchio/Bruno Buccellati, Giorno Giovanna/Guido Mista, Pannacotta Fugo/Narancia Ghirga, Risotto Nero/Prosciutto, Ghiaccio/Melone (JoJo), Gelato/Sorbet (Jojo), Squalo/Tiziano (Jojo), Kira Yoshikage (JoJolion)/Kujo Josefumi, Kawajiri Shinobu/Kira Yoshikage (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Formaggio/Illuso (Jojo), Cioccolata/Secco (JoJo), Dio Brando/Enrico Pucci, Hermes Costello/Kujo Jolyne, F. F. | Foo Fighters/Kujo Jolyne, Hermes Costello/F. F. | Foo Fighters/Kujo Jolyne, Hermes Costello/F. F. | Foo Fighters, Johnny Joestar/Gyro Zeppeli, Higashikata Josuke (JoJolion)/Hirose Yasuho

Additional Tags: jesus christ thats a lot of tags, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Malls, pretty much everyone works in the mall, did we include as many characters as possible? yes, are we going to add more? yes, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Best Friends, Hot Topic, risotto and abbachio work in a hot topic, there are way to many things to be able to tag here and theyre already too long, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, jonathan is a dilf, dilf, mall employee AU

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2MOcs7A