#ask la squadra

[berylcups]

Hi hi, if you're comfortable with it, how would La Squadra react to reader (who they've been with long enough as to not kill them on the spot) playfully spanking them as they walk by? Pls and ty <3

Hello! This request sounds like a lot of fun 🤩 Your wish is my command 😌

How La Squadra reacts to getting a spank on the butt

CW: flirtatious behavior, suggestive content

Notes: I hope this doesn’t feel too rushed. 😅 I did this more as an act of flirtation and La Squadra already being somewhat on amicable terms. I hope this fulfills your expectations nonetheless! Enjoy! 💜 Beryl

Risotto

Ass rating: 7/10 very thicc but super muscular so no jiggle physics

“…Ahem.” He stopped in his steps. He couldn’t face you because his face was so flushed. “Y/N is there any reason why you assaulted my ass like that?”

“No reason.” You shrugged your shoulders and giggled. “Just felt like it.”

“You and Melone are lucky we don’t have an HR.”he dryly joked.

He’s shocked by your boldness. But he can’t say he isn’t intrigued! Give him a little more time to warm up 😌

Formaggio

Ass rating: 7.5/10 nice and soft. Bubbly even, very smackable but it’s on the smaller side.

“Hey now~ If you’re gonna do that, at least take me out to dinner first.” He chucked rubbing his ass. “I know a good sports bar we could go to…” he flirted back.

Uh oh, you caught his attention. Hope cool with a guy who works through his relationships fast! He might propose to you 3 months from now!

Illuso

Ass rating: 8.5/10 very thicc ass fit for a complete asshole 🙄 very bubbly but hides it behind those ugly ass clothes made from my Nanny’s duvet.

He could see your hand coming a mile away through a reflection in the mirror.

“Nice try Y/N.” He grabs both of your wrists with one hand and pins you to the wall.

“Think you can sneak up on me? I got eyes everywhere.” His free hand strokes your face.

“You want a piece of my ass then you gotta work for it.” He let you go and smacked your ass hard and squeezed a cheek.

“Hah that is fun!” He snickered. “ you better watch your back Y/N! I’m gonna be sneaking up on your ass now!”

Oh no! This big bully is gonna bully your ass now! Literally! But was it just me or did I sense some sexual tension back there? 😳 good luck!

Pesci

Ass rating: 9/10 this guy has a dumpy. Thicc- xtra THICC. Nice and soft. Perfect for spanking.

“Eeek~!” He lets out a loud high pitched screech.

“Y-Y/N?! W-wha w-what was that for???” He stuttered.

“Sorry I can’t help myself Pesci. You are just too cute!” You giggled.

“I’m cute?!” His entire face became flushed. He never had someone hit on him like that…literally or figuratively!

“Absolutely! I’m sorry for scaring you there.” You apologized. “ if you want…you can spank me back~” you giggled.

“Oh-oh my! I could never lay a hand on you Y/N! “ he stuttered out. “ besides-big bro told me I’m supposed to treat my superiors with respect !”

“Well okay…but remember the offer is always on the table. See you around big boy ~.” You winked

“Was Y/N flirting with me?! Is this real life? My heart won’t stop pounding! I need to man up and flirt back next time!”

Aww you raised his self esteem! He could use his own personal cheerleader! 😘 keep showing him your support and you might win him over!

Prosciutto

Ass rating: 5/10 small muscle butt, it’s pretty but not very smackable 😩 like smacking a brick wall

“That’s not the way a mafioso should behave…Y/N.” He has a good grip on your wrist as he takes a deep drag of his cigarette with his free hand.

He exhales the smoke in your face and smirks.

“You look like you could use some more training. I’ll tell Risotto that you need some private mentoring to help with that bad behavior of yours.” He purred.

Uh…good luck ! You’re about to receive some very intense mentoring or some aggressive brat taming 👀

Melone

Ass rating: 3/10 poor baby got no butt 🥲 you can hang a photo on his ass. But at least it looks pretty ☺️

“Hnnnng…spank me harder~” he purred while sticking his butt out towards you.

“I’ll be honest… I never expected you to make the first move but I can’t say it’s unwelcome” he confessed. “Now… it’s my turn~! Let me spank you next!” He says with a crazed look in his eyes and his hands making a grabbing motion.

It’s up for you to decide if you want to him to spank you or not. 😅 you better start running then! Remember you can’t outperv the pervert!

Ghiaccio

Ass rating:10/10 he has the holy trinity of a perfect booty bubbly, thicc, and muscular. 💯 absolute perfection 👌 his nerdy clothes conceal the butt but—thank lort for White Album. That stand doesn’t hide ANYTHING 😳

“Woah woah woah hey! Hey! What the hell was that?!” He rubbed his stinging cheeks. “Did you seriously just smack my ass?!” His face was redder than a tomato.

“Yes, yes I did.” You said proudly.

“Y-You can’t just do that!” He stuttered out of embarrassment.

“But I just did.”

“How would you like it if I did it to you huh?! Gasp-“. He realized the gravity of what he just said. “That’s not what I meant-“

“Ok, come here and do it~.” You giggled. “ Do you want me to bend over or..?” You egged him on.

“Wha—?! That- that would be—no! No! I’m not falling for it!” He stuttered with blood leaking out of his nose and freezing on his cheek. “You just want me to get in trouble!”

He stormed off as a blushing nose bleeding mess.

“Y/N is flirting with me??? Oh god what do I do? I just fucked up by yelling at them. Maybe smack their ass next time???” He nervously thought. “I hope I have the balls to do that!”

Oh boy you really let him have it! His poor brain blue-screened from that moment 😂 you might’ve been a little too intense for this intense man. Maybe be a bit less bold next time. Don’t worry you got this! 💙

[ask-prosci]

Gay. Gay faggot. Homo.

That's you, actually. 💛

[corpsoir]

idk if ur still taking scribble ideas but i think risotto likes to just hang out with metallica out sometimes hes like watching a scary movie and he lets them chill out on his shoulder or on his hat

this is the fourth time they watch it in a row

[jjbabies]

How are the part 5 babies? I hope Giorno and Abbacchio are getting along well ;;

They’re doing just fine together! Abbacchio is in our older group with Bruno, so he doesn’t see Giorno much outside of recess. Of course, he did have a pushing problem…Poor little Giorno was finally learning to sit up when he got shoved backwards. We had to put Abbacchio in time out for that.

Outside of that little incident, the group gets along well. Trish likes to make the boys play with her, but she has a bad habit of hair grabbing. Her tiny fists are impossibly strong!

Our younger half enjoy nap time together by the bookshelf while our older half practice walking on their own! In fact, Risotto’s friend group have a similar split, but most are in the older groups. Pesci is the only one young enough to be in Giorno’s class.

[icerisotto]

Hi do you think you could write about la squadra and a new teammate who’s quiet and reserved majority of the time but one day they catch them laughing their asses off at one of formaggios really bad stupid jokes?

‹ honestly, i've imagined two scenarios this request: la squadra under diavolo's reign and la squadra under giorno's reign.

‹ it may look inaccurate regarding the gw timeline, but i'm using my headcanon timeline (which can be seen here) in which sorbet and gelato actually died in mid-2000.

‹ with that being said, double scenario!

⌦ warnings: gender-neutral character, mentions of death, mentions of depression, referenced violence, non-canon information, canon events.

➢ scenario one (diavolo).

☆ sorbet and gelato's death impacted the group in every single way it could. it blew their confidence, ruined their already-strained relationship with the boss, and brought shame to their name.

★ as a way to make sure they weren't trying to plot against him again, diavolo assigned a newbie to the team to halt any attempt of betrayal weeks later. a young, reserved and quiet person, enough to unnerve any traitor.

☆ it worked, as la squadra felt too uncomfortable around the newbie to make any other move. some of them even theorized that the newbie was sent to supervise them. naturally, their discomfort turned into hatred very quickly.

★ prosciutto deliberately hated the newbie because of their mysterious personality, even though he tried to keep his cool to preserve his image as the second-in-command. he'd never talk to them aside from missions, and would constantly use training or punishments to take his anger and frustrations on the newcomer.

☆ ghiaccio also openly hated the newbie and believed them to be a spy of the boss. he wasn't afraid of beating the shit out of the newbie if they ever cross his path or boundaries (something extremely easy to do, considering his mood swings). as a fellow, ghiaccio hardly acknowledged the presence of the stranger.

★ pesci is a gentle guy but loyal to his brother. when he realized prosciutto despised the newbie, he automatically avoided being seen talking to them. it didn't mean he was rude or cold like the others: he was willing to welcome the newbie instead of distrusting them over something they had no say in, giving them knitted gifts and food behind the others' backs.

☆ illuso knew how it felt to be hated by his teammates, especially because of his rough start in la squadra. he still decided to ignore the newbie's presence, much like ghiaccio but without the violence part. he simply distrusted them and refused to be friends with them, sometimes walking out of the room or into the mirror world whenever the newbie showed up.

★ risotto welcomed the newbie normally but lacked warmth due to his friends' deaths. he couldn't embrace the newbie as a true part of the team and only stepped up for them in extreme cases. in general, the capo kept his distance from the newbie and barely talked to them outside their working hours.

☆ formaggio was the closest friend of sorbet and gelato, almost a third party of their couple. he was miserable once the lovers died to the point he almost died of depression. a newbie wasn't what he wanted, not in the slightest. at first, he was hesitant and even resented the newcomer, but he soon overcame his grief and returned to his normal self. he's the only one to treat the newbie like a friend.

★ melone was neutral. while he also was very close to sorbet and gelato, he knew it'd be stupid to lash out at someone who was a mere pawn of diavolo's wicked plans. he was skilled enough to detect any malice in someone, so his suspicions died down after a few months. of course, he still kept his distance just for the sake of his friends' feelings.

☆ la squadra started changing their minds after a year went by without any incident. the newbie proved to be a strong-minded person, not giving up or cracking even though they went through many incidents and violent outbursts caused by the team.

★ some of them regretted their behaviors, some didn't. however, they all agreed the newbie wasn't trying to betray the team nor represented any risks, thus being worthy of their trust and decent treatment.

☆ the newbie was always accompanied by formaggio ever since their arrival as he was the only welcoming member of the team. they were extreme opposites: while the newbie barely talked, formaggio kept the mood bright.

★ during a celebration among passione members, everyone gathered at the bar as formaggio told them one of his silly, overused jokes. at that point, 2/3 of the team was drunk.

☆ formaggio's joke was interrupted by a cackle. everyone was surprised to hear the newbie's laughter for the first time, as they always looked neutral 24/7. some of them could recall hearing a similar sound at midnight when walking down the hallways, but who could think the newbie was responsible for that?

★ formaggio bragged about making the newbie show their soft side, happy to be the one to achieve this. pesci and melone laughed, illuso sneered, while prosciutto and ghiaccio were visibly surprised (although they pretended to not care). risotto remained stoic with a hint of a smile, secretly enjoying seeing his friends bonding.

☆ it still took them a lot of time to accept the newbie completely, but they were embraced after a long period. even though la squadra still felt hesitant around the newcomer, the display of humanity eased their minds. finally, they were ready to move on and let go of their grudges.

➢ scenario two (giorno).

☆ la squadra was livid once diavolo died. having a teenager controlling the mafia was concerning at first, but giorno's management deeply pleased them. they got raises and territories, all they ever asked for.

★ however, after cutting their main income (drugs), passione struggled to keep their balance. as a new alternative, giorno split the drug division and sent their members to other teams. that's how la squadra gets a newbie after so long.

☆ at first, prosciutto didn't appreciate the new member. he was stressed enough with five idiots under his belt, so another one was hell. however, he felt less grumpy once he came to realize the newbie was reserved and silent, something he appreciated. generally, he made small talk always related to work.

★ ghiaccio hated the idea since the beginning and vocalized his dissatisfaction very often. again, he'd throw hands if he ever felt disrespected or cornered. he still kept his distance once he realized the newbie was nothing like the others. they looked annoying in his eyes.

☆ pesci felt excited by the arrival of a new friend, that is until they met. serious people scared him, so he started avoiding the newbie much like he did with risotto, illuso, and ghiaccio in the past. prosciutto and risotto's serious face was enough for him, he didn't need anyone else scaring him (even if not on purpose). it took him a while to get used to their personality.

★ illuso didn't care much. he felt a little pissed about the disruption of their team dynamic at first but quickly overcame it once the newbie proved to be a decent asset instead of a crybaby or loser. in general, he didn't initiate any dialogue and felt relieved the newbie was reserved.

☆ risotto was secretly happy about the newbie's personality. from the hardheaded (illuso and prosciutto) to the silly (formaggio), weird (melone), coward (pesci), and violent (ghiaccio) members, every entry on the team was probation to the capo. he almost knelt and thanked god once he met the newbie, appreciating their reserved behavior. in general, the capo treated them like he'd treat the others.

★ once formaggio met the newbie, his new goal was to make them crack. he wanted to be friends with them and share nice moments. it became a full goal of his, and he'd spend 100% of his time chasing the newcomer everywhere they went while trying to squeeze a single smile out of them.

☆ melone, much like formaggio, became intrigued with the newbie's cold facade. he and personal space were enemies. he wanted to decode every inch of the newcomer's personality, often asking them personal questions to no avail. he cherished every nugget of information he got.

★ by the second or third month, everyone got used to the newbie's presence. some of them still felt hesitant around them but had some respect. pesci, melone and formaggio were the ones who actively befriended the newbie, even though they were stiff and quiet.

☆ somehow, the newbie accepted an invitation to play poker with la squadra after formaggio begged on his knees for them to join the game. even prosciutto got forced to participate by risotto.

★ a few empty bottles later, the game got serious and the bets started. melone had lost a bet and had to remove his shirt, revealing a so-then-hidden tattoo. it looked botched and silly. as formaggio made a nasty joke about it, the newbie snorted.

☆ all eyes were on them, as everyone felt genuinely surprised to see the newbie laughing so hard over such a silly joke. it was the first time they ever saw their teeth. tears of joy slid down their face, mostly because of how intoxicated they were.

★ even though they agreed not to make the newbie feel ashamed about that incident nor comment on it later, la squadra felt more comfortable about befriending them after realizing they only needed a little hand to be likable.

[ask-sorlato]

Hello People!!

Been thinking about starting one of these for awhile and I finally found the courage so I'm starting an ask blog/fresh blog all together! Been wanting to for ages and I've also been inspired from my other favourite jjba ask blogs out here so I decided to join!

Anyways, without further ado, here are some rules and possible notes about this blog

As there isn't much canon of Sorbet and Gelato in the show like at all, this will be primarily headcanon based (I'll list some at the bottom)

I will accept some nsfw/spicy given that they are not too extreme (they are gay Italians, some spiciness is to be expected after all)

If I don't answer an ask straight away or at all, it's because I'm either busy with college stuff, burnt out, or the less likely option is that I may be uncomfortable with the ask (rule above this one)

No hate, otherwise Sorbet will set Gelato on you

Be nice pleaseee

Extra note before the Headcanons is that this will be set post-events of golden wind in an au where the La Squadra live and so do Sorbet and Gelato (I will further elaborate in the Headcanons)

And here are my Headcanons for them!

Sorbet is 33 and Gelato is 32

Sorbet can cook and Gelato is banished from the kitchen unless under TIGHT supervision

Gelato used to be in the army

Sorbet is really good with guns

Gelato is really good with knives

They are married (ofc)

Instead of dying, they managed to escape Cioccolata and Secco after having been captured on a complete whim, though not completely unscathed (they were both traumatised+left with a few scars)

Gelato is an unhinged, feral little-

Sorbet is the rational half of their dynamic

After Don Giorno defeated the boss and took over, they settled down (still kept in contact with La Squadra though, they are familia after all)

Speaking of which, they treat them all like their children with a few exceptions (I.e. Risotto, Prosciutto)

Sorbet is 6'0" and Gelato is 5'8"

These Headcanons will be updated with time. Anyways, hope you all enjoy! (:

(mod- @bustingitdownautismstyle)

[ask-la-squadra]

hey la squadra members rank yourself on a list from least to most gay (gelato and sorbet excluded because they’d stomp everyone)

after much discussion we have come to a conclusion, were all queer in some way but i think this does it from least to most

Illuso

Formaggio

Pesci

Risotto

Melone

Prosciutto

Ghiaccio

-Risotto Nero

[ask-squadra]

Can I put my balls in your jaws?

hey can i borrow ur balls i promise I'll give them back in one piece i promise i only need them temporarily. no i promise it isn't for babyface i promise don't even worry about it don't even worry about it -mel

[twiixr4kidz]

i have a criminal amount of la squadra headcanons in my drafts rn................................................. you guys have no idea what's coming.

[bucciarati-answers]

Did La Squadra survive?

"Well... yes. La Squadra survived. And, sometimes, my team has to work with them...

Last time, I had to work with this weird Melone guy. At first we were getting along, but then, he told me there was a little rumour around Passione that I could be a woman. And he also asked if I ever thought about getting pregnant or being a mother."

"It was WEIRD. The worst part was when he asked if 'I would ever be interested in carrying his kids for educational purpose'. That got me so angry and confused I zipped his mouth for the whole mission."

[berylcups]

Could you do a LA Squadra x reader (separate or together) hcs or short fiction where reader is friends with Bruno's squad and actively hang out with them on their days off? I wanna know their reactions 😭 Thank you, I love your writing!!!

Thank you so much! That means so much to me! 🥹 I got your request coming right up!

La Squadra x Reader who’s friends with team Bucciarati:

CW: suggestive content, possessive behavior

Notes: this is placed in an everyone lives!AU because if I placed it in canon you just know they would be trying to kill each other 😭 So in this ask they will begrudgingly coexist with each other 😅 some of it will be kinda OOC and crackish since I went a little too far with this ask. I had a little too much fun with their reactions. I hope this meets your expectations nonetheless! Enjoy!💜 Beryl

All of La Squadra: Unacceptable! *drags your ass back home*

Risotto

It was dark in the base when you came back. “…hello? Anyone home?” You asked with unease.

You heard the click of a lamp being switched on and seeing a brooding Risotto looking quite displeased.

“Where were you all day?” He interrogated.

“Sigh…Ris I TOLD you this morning I was going to hang out with my friends.” You rubbed your forehead at his dramatics.

“You never mentioned it was Bucciarati and his underlings…”he grumbled.

“Why do I have to? YOU KNOW I don’t have any other friends! …in Italy that is.” You sighed.

“No more. I forbid it.” He folded his arms.

“You “forbid it”??? Are you serious right now?” You put your hands on your hips challenging him.

“You have plenty of friends here in La Squadra. You don’t need any others.” He said stubbornly.

“Too bad! It’s my day off—I do what I want. On my day off, you’re not my boss! So there!” You huffed.

“If you keep going there I will stop making you arancini and I KNOW you don’t know how to make it…and I won’t make-“

“Don’t you dare-“you threaten him knowing exactly what hes going to say.

“…lasagne. You’ll be doomed to eat frozen lasagne for all of eternity.” He smirked knowing he has the upper hand.

“Oh yeah??? Well if you do that and won’t let me see my friends, I won’t lay on top of you during bedtime anymore! You’ll have to sleep without any weight on you! And I KNOW you refuse to buy an expensive weighted blanket!”

“….please don’t. I seriously need sleep.”

“Let me see my friends and give me the Sicilian goods and you’ll get that good sleep.” You negotiated.

“…sigh. Ok. Fine. But you speak of this to NOBODY. I have a reputation to uphold.”

Formaggio

“I know. I was there.” He said while lounging on the couch.

“You WHAT???”

“I wanted to make sure none of them were gonna hit on you so I hitched a ride on ya and hung around for a while.” He explained like it was a normal thing to do.

“Why didn’t you just ask to come with me???” You asked dumbfounded.

“They aren’t my kind of crowd. That Mista guy is kinda cool though. I also wanted to see if you were going to cheat on me-good job by the way! I knew I could trust you!” He said giving you a thumbs up.

“That is a extreme invasion of privacy Maggio! What the hell!”

“ Hey I’m just being a concerned boyfriend. I care about your safety, you know.” He said defensively. “ it’s not like I stayed the whole time… the minute you and that Fugo started talking about sciency stuff I dipped out. That shit was BORING. He needs to get a hobby like collecting stamps, playing football…or SOMETHING. Good god.”

That made you snort. “He has plenty of hobbies. Probably too many which is why he has anger issues and hates his parents.” You snickered.

“Ah~ tiger parents… good thing my parents had such low expectations with me, yet I somehow managed to still disappoint them!” He joked.

“Now that you’re done hanging out with zeros come hang with a hero!” He said patting the couch cushion next to him. “We got football to watch!”

Illuso

“Welcome back traitor!” Everytime you come back from hanging out with Bucciaratis gang.

He teases the shit outta you for hanging out with a bunch of nobodies. 😭 He’s totally not jealous that you didn’t hang out with him today.

“So spill- tell me what embarrassing things they tell you today? Did Giorno drink more piss? Did that drunkard abbacchio do anything stupid?” He snickered.

“Pfft no.. nothing weird happened today. Sorry to disappoint!” You said talking your shoes off.

“So… I planned on having dinner just the 2 of us tonight?”

Oh…shit. Bucciarati insisted on feeding you with the rest of the boys and you are really full. You had 2 orders of bruschetta and caprese salad.

“Oooh yeah… about that lulu…” you said awkwardly.

“Don’t tell me you ate HIS Food. How could you?” Illuso growled.

“He offered and it was rude to say no! I’m sorry!” You tried to de-Escalate the situation.

“But it’s not rude to not eat your boyfriend’s food???” He asked angrily with his voice cracking at the end.

“No lulu— that’s not what I mean. I will—“ you try to explain yourself until he emotionally cuts you off.

“If you’re not going to eat my Gorgonzola dippers…then I’m not eating your ass!” He stormed off to the bedroom crying.

Oh dear… what people don’t see that you see is that Illuso is actually a very sensitive man. 😢 you gotta a lot of emotional damage to patch up… even though none of this is your fault 🙄 oh well, this is to be expected when you’re dating a drama queen

Pesci

“But…why..? How could you? 🥺” you hanging out with them broke this poor boys heart.

“Pesci Pesci Pesci baby please—it’s not what you think.” You were quick to do damage control.

“Is it because I’m not as attractive as Bucciarati and his goons???” He sniffled.

“Noooooooo Pesci they’re just my friends! You’re my one and only baby boy!” You said squeezing him hard. “I get to see you every day! I just hang out with them and get drunk like you do with the boys!”

“So it’s like your guy time?” He asked.

“Yeah!” You said excitedly. “That’s exactly what it is! Instead of drinking beer and watching football we just drink wine and gossip, do each others nails… fix each other hair… you know, feminine stuff!” You explained.

“Oh so you just need some friends for feminine time? Well I guess that’s ok… I really wish it wasn’t Bucciarati and his crew but it’s not like you can find some non mafiosos to hang out with.” He said feeling a little hesitant.

“Don’t worry, I’ll always have time for you Pesci! They’re my friends but the squad is my family! …my very fucked up dysfunctional family!”you said hugging him.

This helps him calm down. Everyone needs guy/girl time regardless of gender. Just make sure you go fishing with him every Sunday!

Prosciutto

“What kind of mafioso associates with a team they don’t belong to?” He sneered. “You have no dignity Y/N. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would Risotto think knowing you're enjoying the company of troglodytes???” He scolded.

“Pros please. You’re taking this way outta hand. We all work for the boss, I don’t see the proble-“ you explained before you were rudely cut off.

“Don’t speak. The next time I’m talking to you is on Dr. Phil.” He put his hand near your face as he turned his back to you and walked off. He needed a smoke break after dealing with the fact you were hanging around Bucciarati.

He’s so disappointed in you. 😔 how dare you hang out with Bucciarati and his bootlickers. He’s giving you the silent treatment but it’s not going to last long.

He can’t go 10 minutes without you sitting in his lap while you 2 Netflix and chill. 😭

“Do you forgive me???” You asked nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

“Fine. I forgive you. I suppose I was acting out of hand… I will allow you to hang out with your poor choice of friends but in exchange you must…*whisper whisper* for me, and no complaining.”

“Oh…” your face turned red. Well… he allows you to hang out with the gang but you better be ready to do whatever he asked! 😳

Melone

“…do you think you can get some of their blood samples?” He asks suspiciously.

“NO MEL. You’re not gonna sic BabyFace on my buddies.” You smacked him on the head.

“But—How do I know they have honorable intentions??? What if they want to see your feet???”

“Melone! Only you would be the one be thinking about fucking feet!” You slapped him again. “Half of the guys are UNDER AGE and don’t even know where babies come from!” You hissed.

“Wait—really?” He asked dumbfounded.

“Fugo definitely knows but Narancia…he still thinks they come from the stork.” You sigh.

“That’s just…sad. The education system has failed him. Ok I’ll let you see your friends even though I don’t like them.”he said as he pulled out a camera. “But can I get pictures of your feet in exchange?”

“….”

“Please?”

Ghiaccio

“Unacceptable! You’re hanging out with THEM?! What about me?!” He hisses. Oh boy is he jealous.

“I don’t know how you can hang around Mista and his horrendous body odor! And don’t get me started on that Giorno! I swear to fuck I—“ he just won’t stop ranting… but as his S/O this is like white noise to you. You’re good at tuning him out 😅

“Are you listening to me?!” He barked.

“Huh?” You turned your head to be face to face with him staring at you angrily with intense eyes.

“Sniff sniff… you smell like cologne... You didn’t let any of them TOUCH you did you???” He interrogated you.

“Geez… calm down Ghia. No, Giorno just let me borrow his jacket because it was chilly outsi—“you said before you were cut off by Ghiaccio angrily ripping his jacket off and forcing it on you and rolling you around on the floor in it.

“Ghiaccio what the fuck are you doing??!” You whined getting dizzy.

“I’m rescenting you! I’m reclaiming what is MINE.” He said, trying to rub his scent into you.

“I’m dizzy! You’re gonna make me sick!” You whined. “Quit acting like a territorial feral cat!”

“ it’s either I do this or I hose the scent off you out in the backyard!” He growled possessively.

Ghiaccio is very territorial. 😬 he has his weird ways of expressing it too. Note to self-always bring your own jacket when visiting your friends.

[dumb-teambucciarati-headcanons]

Stands interacting with La squadra

THANKFUL DEAD or grateful or whatever

Formaggio: very scared of the thankful dead, he doesn’t want to lose his “good looks”. The thankful dead likes to pull pranks on him by aging him when he isn’t expecting it.

Illuso: since he has a mirror stand, he looks in the mirror a lot. So when he first met prosciutto and didn’t know what his stand was, he nearly panicked when he looked in the mirror and saw that he had aged many years. That was the thankful dead’s way of introducing himself. Illuso doesn’t mess with prosciutto.

Pesci: he thinks it’s such a cool stand (because it’s his big bros)! He gets nervous when he uses it because he is usually his big bros partner out on missions. The thankful dead does it’s best to look out for Pesci.

Melone: melone is a big fan of how it ages people to death, being as crazy as he is …

Ghiaccio: is immune to the thankful dead and will forever rub it in prosciuttos face. He will say things like “I think your stand would actually make me look younger, that’s how immune I am to it.”

Risotto: thinks the stands name is edgy as fuck, and mentions that whenever the thankful dead is mentioned. Wouldn’t mind being aged to death because that’s really cool and his joints already hurt anyways. The thankful dead willingly poses for edgy goth photo shoots with Risotto.

Sorbet and gelato: one time they got hit with its aging power and they were both like “wow, you are still so attractive when you are old, at least I know we will grow old together and still be in love!” And a bunch of other mushy stuff couples say.

[ask-prosci]

Prosciutto Ask Blog. I guess.

Hello. :) You guys would know me under Prosciutto, but feel free to call me Prosci or Pros. Either or is fine.

This is a system ask-blog. Better yet, a way for me to have the opportunity to share my stories with people and cope with the realities of being here.

Reblogs are better than likes. This is just how Tumblr works considering there is no algorithm here.

cx

Blog Rules and Boundaries Below

Not all replies will be answered with art, but I'll try my best to keep up with it.

This blog was inspired by both @bucciarati-answers and @inquirepannacottafugo.

Answers may or may not be muddled with source memories.

Send whatever you want to send. I don't believe in a TMI.

If I am uncomfortable with an ask though I will ignore and delete it. If there are repeated asks that make me uncomfortable from the same person then you will be blocked.

With that being said just try to act with kindness. Please.

No bigotry, sexism, homophobia/transphobia, misogyny, anything of that nature.

I hate that this has to be added, but do not dehumanize me. It's okay to joke from time to time about some aspects of myself, but don't go as far as to say you will "yurify" me or recklessly make jokes about my death. I'm a very real person with very real feelings like the rest of you and this type of talk with someone you do not know is disrespectful.

Don't expect sunshine and rainbows from me. I was born a bitch and I plan on staying that way.

I'll most likely answer asks that have more substance to them. The more you give me to work with the more you will get in return. :)

With that, I'll update this introduction post periodically. If you want to get more personal content from the system as a whole, head over to @thecavesystem. We reblog stuff there that's in relation to our source material or we share our funny little thoughts.

Thank you for reading. I'm excited to see what everyone asks.

-Prosciutto

[la-principessa-della-squadra]

Hi princesa♡ it's been a while! how are you handling stuff?:) hope everything's going well 🩵

Hey Queen~🌟

Thank you so much for asking and sorry for the late reply!

Tengo botta! I'm keeping myself really BUSY so I haven't find the time to answer all the requests I've received!

I feel a little unispired these days! :(

I don't want to let down any La Squadra fan but writing while pretending to be 7 different people starts driving me nuts...

I don't want to publish low quality stuff...

I'm sorry :(

Btw,I hope everything is going well for you,my 👑!

-La Principessa della Squadra

[ask-cioccolata-and-secco]

hey choke oh latte and sec tho what’s ur opinions on the la squadra members????

“Hm. I see them as pathetic little wastes of life.. How dare they go behind the bosses back like that?!”

“I… I don’t really have any personal issues with them. I do a-agree that they shouldn’t have betrayed the boss…”

[squadrah]

So you had two asks about La Squadra being toddlers, but what about them being old/older men? Maybe in their 40-50's or as senile old people. And my mind ain't exactly wondering there, but what do you think they'd be like as dilfs?

I managed to find an old post where I was asked what they would be like as old man: here it is! You also reminded me that I had once written about them as parents in general, and I could have sworn I published it, but I ended up finding it at last in my drafts, so I'll make sure to queue it after publishing this ask!

That just leaves the question at the end, ehe... I will try to do these from the perspective of a young adult, probably a friend of their child(ren), while they themselves are in their forties and fifties.

Risotto: His sheer size and deep voice are already enough to set the butterflies aflutter, so the way he wears sleeveless shirts and dirty overalls at home is almost too much. He is best observed in the garage where he enjoys quietly working with power tools, and nobody can look at his work table without imagining him sweeping off the clutter to make room for them instead...

Formaggio: He ages so gracefully he looks like he could still be in his thirties, but the way he cracks open a cold one while giving clever responses and showing at least basic knowledge of just about any topic introduced hints at decades of experience in a variety of areas. Whenever he playfully manhandles his spouse in the kitchen, guests cannot help but chug their own cold beverages in vain.

Prosciutto: Never seen without his signature dress shirts and crisp trousers, and when he's around, the temperature always drops enough that all unnecessarily noise and frolic dies down. Most agree they would not want to live with him as their father, the bar is just too high in that respect, but nobody would mind him in a hotel chair with a bourbon in his hand and ordering them to get to work...

Pesci: At first he seems nothing special, especially because he's not much respected by his children, but as soon as he easily lifts something that he ought to struggle with at his size, and tells you how much he think it weighs by touch, the magic begins, and those who have gone on fishing trips with him on the weekend and watched him reel in that big bass are now smitten for life.

Ghiaccio: Whenever you meet him, he's either preparing to go for a run or has just returned from it all sweaty and glistening, and no real decrease of stamina to show for it. Going to the gym with him is a rite of passage; he will explain every machine and challenge you to various feats of endurance. Spotting is obligatory, and many hit the showers afterwards in greater frustration than they began.

Melone: That one anon ask of "your dad looks gnc af" sums him up perfectly, he is so impeccably and unabashedly A Look and An Icon that all his various issues are easily buried in a tidal wave of gender envy and lust. His children are so confident and well-educated when it comes to sex that their friends can only imagine what a wealth of experience could be gained from the fountain head.

Illuso: He always lets his luscious long hair down at home, physically and metaphorically, and exudes such minor soap opera antagonist vibes that his heckling his children and spouse come off as almost entertaining, a good example of how much people forgive to a pretty face and a nice tall figure. He's not above teasing his guests either, and you will either hate him for it or want to kiss him.

Sorbet: He's not conventionally attractive and seems to love his plants more than his children, but he has a certain Addams Family aesthetic about him that carries his dry wit and odd ways perfectly, especially when he's trimming his bonsai or is outside gardening in the shade in special gloves and up to his neck in dirt. You are welcome to indulge his obscure opera obsession, but watch out.

Gelato: That one extremely friendly dad that claps you on the shoulder and shoves a drink into your hand as soon as (and even before) you hit drinking age, and is always two seconds away from hugging you and kissing you on both cheeks in a fit of camaraderie and general mirth. Watching him grill sausages and cook in a big outdoor cauldron permanently changes your brain chemistry.