#difficult breaking into the industry was for either of them

[nibeul]

this is still a dumb argument because angela basset, who has been in the game around the same amount of time as jlc, was also snubbed by the decision. both her and jlc are 64.

jamie lee curtis winning best supporting actress over stephanie hsu for a movie that centered an asian american family and explored familiar ties through that specific lens... ohhh oscars committee when I get my hands on you

[guilty-pleasures21]

The bodyguard

Sorry this took a while ... 😅

Bodyguard!Jason x Actress!Reader

Part 1

Part 2

Warning: intimate touching.

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     “Jason!” she yelled as she sank onto the sofa with her tub of ice cream. “It’s on! Quick!”

     He sighed as he walked over to the sofa and took a seat at the opposite end to her. “You know, you don’t pay me enough to watch this.”

     X shot him an exasperated look. “Then start paying me rent.” 

     She’d hired him as her bodyguard about three months ago and she liked to think that they’d at least become friends in that time - hanging out at secluded restaurants in the middle of the day, watching trashy reality shows after dinner, sneaking off to the supermarket at midnight, when no one would see her. She hadn’t known anyone in Gotham when she’d arrived - she’d only gone there to shoot some scenes for her latest movie, after all - and it was nice to have made a friend along the way. She shuffled closer to him, searching his person for a spoon as she held the tub of ice cream out to him, then she sighed when she saw that he hadn’t brought one. She handed him the tub with an exasperated look, then got up to go get an extra spoon.

     He lowered his head as he accepted the tub, trying to hide his smile. He hadn’t planned on this being a full-time gig when he’d applied for the job. Tim had suggested it to him when they’d been playing video games one night and though he’d scoffed at the idea at first, he’d slowly become convinced by it: being the temporary bodyguard of the quickly rising starlet while they filmed in the area. It seemed easy enough - a perfect fit, actually, considering all his martial arts and weapons training. And it paid pretty well too. Plus, she’d started letting him stay over at her apartment once she’d gotten more comfortable around him and he had to admit that he didn’t hate her place. He glanced up at her as he accepted the spoon she’d returned with, trying hard to not let his eyes flicker to her chest, but she just sat back down beside him, oblivious to his near lapse in self control. He’d expected her to be beautiful, of course - you didn’t become the main heroine of a movie without having some sort of physical charisma that drew people to the screen. But what he hadn’t expected was how down-to-Earth she’d be: kind and welcoming and always ready for a laugh. That was the part that was starting to wear on him. He slid his gaze over to her as she scooped up a bite of ice cream, her features illuminated by the soft glow of the television. She snickered at something someone had said and he smiled softly before letting go of his thoughts and settling in to watch the show with her.

     “Cut!” X held in a frustrated groan as the director yelled for them to stop - again. They'd been working in the same stupid scene for the last hour and she still couldn't get it right! Either her moans were too loud or she was wriggling around too vigorously or her expression wasn't ‘lustful enough’. How the hell was she supposed to know how to fix that last one?! She stayed on the bed for a moment long, delaying the inevitable scolding she was about to receive. Then finally, she sucked in a deep breath and sat up.

     The director pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to consider his next words.

     “Let's take a break,” he sighed finally. “I need a drink.” He stalked off the set before anyone could approach him, grumbling quietly under his breath. Her co-star turned to her and held a hand out to help her off the bed. 

     “Thanks,” X said as she accepted Sam's help. But she was careful to avoid his gaze as she covered herself back up with her robes: he'd acted in scenes like this a hundred times already, having been in the industry long before she had, and here she was making his job unnecessarily more difficult.

     Sam shuffled awkwardly in position, trying to figure out how to comfort her. It was pretty obvious that it was her first time doing a sex scene, but she was so sweet and so hardworking and he didn't think she deserved the constant scolding she'd been receiving from the director. 

     “Don't take it to heart. You're doing great!” He patted her reassuringly on the shoulder, but she kept her head lowered as her cheeks warmed with embarrassment.

     “Right,” she mumbled, unconvinced by his kind words, before retreating to her dressing room.

     Jason followed after her, concerned by her dip in mood. The director hadn't said anything that didn't seem true, but he still felt like punching the guy in the face for making her feel so bad about herself. He locked the door behind him after entering the room, wanting to give her a little privacy, then he joined her where she was standing by her dresser. X remained hunched over the table in silence and Jason rubbed his jaw while he waited for her to speak, suddenly feeling how hard he'd been clenching it whilst she'd been working on that scene with her co-star. Was it really necessary to include a sex scene anyway? It didn't do anything to further the plot. And this was a soon-to-be Hollywood blockbuster hit, not some undistinguished piece of pornography buried deep in the archives of the internet! He unclenched his jaw - again - and inhaled slowly before clearing his throat. “X?”

     She sighed and slumped over her dresser table, defeated. How was she ever going to get her big break if she couldn't even act like she was in love with someone?! Well, ‘love’ was probably the wrong word - she was fine at acting in love. It was the ‘lust’ part that she was struggling with.

     “I just … I just …” She covered her face with her hands as she turned to face him, her entire body heating up with shame. “Ugh! This is going to sound so embarrassing!”

     Jason raised an eyebrow as he folded his arms across his chest, but he waited patiently for her to continue. X sucked in a few breaths, gathering her courage. Then finally, “I’ve never … I’ve never done it … before …”

     He furrowed his brows, confused by her vague revelation. X looked up when he hadn't responded, wincing in anticipation of the look on his face. But he just looked … confused. 

     “Done what?” Jason asked when she didn't elaborate. X's eyes widened, surprised that he didn't get it.

     “You know …” she insisted, her voice growing softer and softer with each word. “Had … sex …”

     And now it was his turn to have his eyes widen in surprise.

     “Oh! Okay …” He took a moment to consider her confession … but it didn’t make any sense: she was so hot! So pretty and so sweet. How the hell had no one ever tried it on her before? “Why?”

     “Why?” X repeated, her tone incredulous. “What do you mean ‘why’?”

     Jason shrugged, then gestured to her general being. “I mean … You’ve either got to be really picky or just … have crap taste in men.”

     “What?” X narrowed her eyes at him, puzzled by the statement. Jason waved away her concerns.

     “Never mind. It’s not important.” 

     An uncomfortable silence soon settled around them as they both tried to figure out what to say. Then X decided to break the tension. “Have you … done it before?” 

     Her heart thudded with nervous anticipation as she waited for his response. She wasn’t sure why, but she was terrified to hear his response: to imagine him with some other woman when … when she’d never been with anyone before. But what did it matter to her? It wasn’t like they were … dating or anything. The thought didn’t stop her insides from twisting with unease though.

     Jason pursed his lips in thought. Had he ever been with anyone before? Given himself over to someone like that? Been so intimate with them, allowing them to see all his scars and his pain and his vulnerabilities? Of course not! No way in hell! “No.”

     Now it was her turn to be surprised - even as a wave of relief washed over her at his admission. A wave of relief she didn’t want to acknowledge given that he’d never indicated any interest in her whatsoever. Not as anything more than a friend anyway. “Why?’

     Jason shifted in position, starting to get uncomfortable himself. 

     “Because of the coma?” he reminded her. That was the lie he’d told her: that he’d gotten into an accident a few years ago and then spent the subsequent time training himself back to peak physical health. She'd wanted to learn more about it, but he'd said that he still wasn't comfortable delving into all the details, so she'd left it alone. She was so compassionate like that.

     Her features light up with realisation. “Oh! Right! Okay. Cool.” 

     She nodded to herself as a spurt of delight rushed through her at his confession and Jason raised an eyebrow at the smile he noticed she was trying to hide from him. He studied her for a moment, her features pinched with nerves, then an idea sprung to his mind about how he might be able to help her. He ran over to switch off the lights, plunging them into darkness without any explanation.

     “Jason!” X hissed, lowering her tone to what seemed appropriate for their new situation. “What are you doing?”

     He took a moment to let his eyes adjust to the sudden lack of light. Then he began making his way back to her. He pressed her back against her dresser, placing one hand on either side of her. Then, before he could regret his decision, “use me.”

     Her heart thudded in her chest at his suggestion. He couldn’t really be offering what she thought he was offering. Could he? “W-What?”

     “Use me,” he repeated, gesturing to his body before he could lose his nerve. “Use my body. Get to know what it feels like. I won’t … I won’t kiss you. Or touch you! If you don’t want me to. Just imagine I’m someone you really like and just … just get to know what it feels like.”

     His voice grew soft as he imagined what it would feel like; having her soft body pressed against his, her expression dazed with lust, her sweet voice moaning his name desperately. He leaned over her, focusing on his breathing to try to slow his rapid heartbeat, and waited.

     She raised her hands and carefully placed them on his shoulders. Was that why he’d switched off the lights? Because he hadn’t wanted her to see his face? Because he didn’t know that the only person she really liked … was him? She turned her face to the side, trying not to inhale the clean, masculine scent of him that made her stomach flip. “But … why?” 

     He could see her gaze flicker up to his now that his eyes had properly adjusted to the dark. Shit, she was cute. With her round eyes and her curly lashes and her rosy lips that quivered with nerves. F*ck. He was regretting his decision already. “Because you’re too good of an actress to let something … stupid like this hold you back.”

     He really thought she was a good actress? X smiled with delight at the praise, not realising that he could see the way her lips twisted at the ends. “Okay …”

     She inhaled deeply, slowing down all her internal processes, then she fixed her gaze on his lips. He’d said that he wouldn’t kiss her, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t admire how soft his lips looked; imagine how they would feel against hers. She slid her hands down his chest and her stomach somersaulted when she felt his abdominals clench at the same time that he let out a soft gasp. Holy shit, he was hot.

     Shit, shit shit! What the hell had he been thinking? Offering himself up to her like that?! He liked her - he really liked her - and he’d become comfortable enough with her to want to know what it would feel like, having her hands glide across his bare skin, her lips caressing his scars, her body pressed up against his as they explored one another with equal caution. X traced the outlines of his abs through his shirt and another gasp escaped his lips as her fingers hovered dangerously close to his suddenly aching centre. She curled her fingers around the waistband of his jeans, biting her lip as she thought about what she’d like to do next, then she wrapped her arms around his waist.

     “Sh-Shit …” Jason breathed. He gripped onto the edge of her dresser as she snuck her fingers beneath the hem of his shirt and glided them up his back. God, it felt good being touched.

     Wow. She could feel the muscles in his back rippling as she trailed her fingers along them. She'd always admired the way they'd flex whenever he was teaching her self-defence or they were working out together and she couldn't believe that the day had finally come when she could get to feel them herself! She leaned forward, tugging him closer to her at the same time, and her lips landed on the collar of his shirt. She curled her fingers against his back, frustrated by the interruption, then she slid her hands back down to his waist. “Jason … Can I take it off?”

     He sucked in a breath at her hoarse whisper. She’d said his name - she’d used his name even though he’d told her she could imagine him as anyone she’d ever wanted. This was getting dangerous now - it was getting real. He nodded slowly, then realised that she couldn't see him very well in the dark. So instead, he bent over to murmur in her ear. “Okay.”

     Her stomach fizzed at the slight nerves she could hear clouding the gravelly tone of his voice. He sounded so cute when he was nervous! Was he as nervous as her though? And for the same reason? Could he really like her like she liked him? She slid her hands up his torso to take his shirt off and her chest tingled as her fingers brush over the curved planes of his body. He laid his hands back on the dresser once she was done and she took her time trailing her fingers across the defined lines of his abs.

     His stomach tightened at her featherlight touch and he gritted his teeth against the feeling. He closed his eyes as she pressed her lips to his collarbone, not wanting to think about the fact that it was her who was kissing him, touching him so intimately, so gently. But then she ran her hands up his back and moaned softly against his chest and his brain went numb for a second at the sound of her pleasure - at the feeling of her luscious body pressed so tightly against his. F*ck, she felt good. 

     She whined as he started moving his body against hers, his stiff cock pressing against her throbbing hole. God, she needed him - she needed him so bad! With his soft voice and his beautiful eyes and that one smile he only ever reserved just for her. She moved her hands to the back of his neck and let out a choked gasp when he rolled his hips against hers. “J-Jason …”

     “F*ck,” he muttered under his breath. He picked her up like she weighed nothing at all and set her down on her dresser so she could wrap her legs around him. X untied her robe and sighed with relief at the feeling of his bare skin sliding against hers. She closed her lips around the soft skin at the crook of his neck and dragged her fingers down to his shoulders as she sucked on him carefully. Jason let out another soft curse and X giggled softly against his neck before licking and sucking her way up to his ear.

     A gravelly moan rumbled out of his chest as she slid her fingers into his hair and began teasing his earlobe with her tongue. He lowered his head to her shoulder and grabbed her ass in one of his hands, squeezing her tighter against him, and a soft squeak escaped her lips at the feeling.

     She could feel herself getting wet between the legs as he rubbed himself against her front. She wriggled her body even more vigorously as her desire for him crescendoed, trying to slide her underwear off so there were less layers separating them. “Jason! Jason!”

     “Shhhhit.” He pulled back to look at her and his gaze immediately fell to her lips, parted with desperation as she rolled her hips against his. He bent over to press his mouth to hers, unable to take it anymore … Then someone knocked on the door and they both came crashing back down to reality.

     “Miss X?” one of the PA'S called through the door. “Are you ready to start shooting again?”

     She looked up at Jason with an expression of both horror and embarrassment. Then they both scrambled to tidy themselves up. She avoided looking at him as she raced over to the door, but she hesitated before unlocking it. 

     “ThanksJasonIreallyappreciateit!” She yelled the words all in one breath then ran out the door and back to the set.

     He stayed in the dressing room for a little longer, trying to process what had just happened. His body still burned in all the places that she’d touched him - all the places that she’d run her hands over - but she’d just been practising right? He started making his way back to the set as well, but he couldn't shake the little voice in his head that kept pointing out to him how she’d said his name.

     Sam’s chest heaved with shallow breaths as he looked down at X in shock. Shit! How had she gotten better so quickly?! He could still feel the adrenaline buzzing through his veins from the way she’d trailed her lips along his neck as she’d run her hands all over his body. F*ck.

     She furrowed her brows, confused by Sam's reaction. She glanced around at the other staff, bracing herself for another barrage of criticism … but they were all staring at her with the same expression. She turned back to Sam in question and he shook his head slightly before shooting her a grin.

     “Cut!” the director finally exclaimed, pulling everyone out of their reveries. Sam stood up and offered a hand to X, helping her get off the bed.

     “Was I … really that bad?” X asked, cringing as she let him pull her to her feet. Sam smiled. She was pretty cute when she was curling into herself shyly like that. And funny too. He hoped they’d continue to be friends even after filming had ended.

     “No!” he replied quickly, rubbing her back reassuringly. “You did great! You’ve got to tell me your secret: how did you manage to improve so quickly?!”

     X grinned at the praise, then her stomach dropped as she considered the answer to the question. It took everything in her to stop herself from looking over at Jason, standing at the edge of the set like he always did. He was always there when she needed him. Even for things that were definitely not in his job scope. 

     “Thanks,” she told Sam, letting her hair fall over her face to hide her blush. But eventually, she turned to glance at Jason, unable to resist the urge. Her heart sped up in excitement when she saw him already looking at her, his moss green eyes dark with lust. A shiver ran down her spine and she wrapped her robe tighter around herself as she pulled her gaze away from his. “But … Do you mind if I go change first?” 

     “Oh! Yeah! Right!” Sam tapped his head like he was silly for not having thought about it himself. “Of course. You want to grab some coffee after? Jason can come too.” He gave her bodyguard a friendly wave and Jason responded with a nod of greeting.

     She gulped at the mention of his name. But wait, this was a good thing! If Sam was there, then she wouldn’t have to be alone with Jason so quickly!

     “Oh! Yeah! I’ll ask him!” X shuffled over to him and fidgeted with her fingers awkwardly as she stopped just in front of him. “Um, Sam was asking if you wanted to get coffee?” She flicked her eyes up to his and bit her lip as she waited for his response.

     God, she had the most beautiful eyes: big and dark and framed by thick, curling lashes. His eyes fell to her lips and he swallowed hard as he remembered how soft they’d felt against his skin. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

     He dragged his gaze away from her and clasped his hands behind his back, reminding himself again how she’d called his name as she’d run her hands all over his bare skin. 

     “Great! I’m just gonna go get changed.” She scurried off to her dressing room and some of the tension eased from his body. Shit. How the hell had he f*cked things up so badly?! Argh! He was such an idiot!

[g1rlken]

┏ 𝐅𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 ┐

1. Part, Alex turner x actress!reader

summary: ugly break up and working together

warnings: smear campaigns, Twitter incels, award season, depression

word count: 4.8k+

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Relationships become a hurdle of choreographing well being when you’re going through a difficult period in life. The one person that’s supposed to be wholly yours becomes another face to mask with. Empathy feels good for a week, two weeks, a month. As the days would stack up it would just feel like a customised emotion, a weight. That’s how y/n felt, her relationship with Alex had seen a lot of ups and downs over their year and a half together. A lot of fights, long distances, miscommunications but it never weighed them down nor their relationship. They always came back stronger after a set back as such. However such shaky career hurdles were only ever seen by Alex, writer’s block, studio pressure, album press, billboard charts, the critics it was a coin toss on fate and he’d often land on the difficult side. But he had a lot of years in the industry and a well composed mind to these things.

Maybe her issues were difficult, Hollywood is eitherways a harsher ground for women. Especially the acting industry, she was facing method acting allegations by one of her elderly costars of old fashion. Not that method acting was concept of bad light in modern day cinema but the characters of the show were very demanding maybe some bitterness towards y/n however she never paid any mind to those when it started. Even her costars all took it lightly, the method acting questions started coming up in almost all promotions, either that or her relationship. She handled that with grace too, all until the emmys. The Emmys where she won one, a shining star in the tapestry of her young career. Amidst her speech a stand up show host had a set organised. Seemingly she wasn’t priorly informed about it being found dumbfounded on stage. In front of everyone, the same joke of being an alleged method actor made an imprint on her first ever Emmy. Everyone present just laughed like they would through a normal set, they laughed at her, she felt like the world ended. After that function she felt increasingly uncomfortable with herself, a laughingstock. Twitter was divided like it always is, she would just focus on those who added to the joke. Witty jabs. Variety articles behind y/l/n’s Emmy fiasco.

Alex tried. Alex tried really hard, he forced screens away from her. WiFi in their house only for certain hours and he’d supervise it, weekend getaways for her almost every weekend. She just seemed to not escape it, losing her appetite even. Alex was the cook between the two of them, meals would take hours and hours for her to get it down and he would sit with her without a complaint. He loved her truly unconditionally and he was aware it was genuinely hard for her. Such smear campaign was very hard to escape. When she started having sleep issues as well he forcibly suggested therapy. Y/n truly believed she wasn’t meant for therapy, she wasn’t ’therapy audience’ and he consoled her very hard into joining it. Eventually she did and it just added to the shitshow. Apparently the therapist found her difficult to work through, it lasted barely 2 weeks and the therapist referred her to someone else. It became public and her therapist’s statement was “The most difficult patient in all of my career.” Maybe it was the amateur hour for the therapist or maybe it wasn’t meant in a better light but social media smear campaign treated it like a festival.

As weeks progressed everything else seemed increasingly difficult. Especially Alex. Seeing his life, his new normal which would start and end with her well being and nothing would change with her mental state either. Alex was giving out so much of himself yet she couldn’t find it in herself to actually smile even. That guilt was worse than everything else. She let that guilt consume her for a while until she finally decided to do something about it.

That evening, after dinner she finally put a stone on her heart and decided to lay that conversation to him. Guiding him to sit across her on the sofa of their shared place she took his hands into hers “Alex, no one else has stood by me the way you have, these two whole months. It’s the worst thing that’s happened to me perhaps ever and you’ve been with me through it. Just how the cliches say it-like my rock.” She said patiently “I feel like I’m not making any progress but if it weren’t for you I would’ve been at a worse place and” she took in a shaky breath before continuing a long pause following something Alex had no idea of.

“Just how you’ve been around for me.” He said holding her hands in his right her “And what we are isn’t for cliches or for saying y/n, I love you and despite of you being at your lowest as long as I have you, I have all I need. We’ve had rough patches before we’ve been alright and we will be even-“

“Just…just let me finish yeah?” Y/n interrupted him looking down their hands because looking into his eyes which carried soft love was so much harder. “You’re giving away too much of yourself. You don’t see it but I do, you’ve made my well being some sort of a passion project of yours and I understand you want the best for me I really do. But I have to look out for you too, and, I feel like this isn’t fair to you. We’re not working out…we won’t.”

A very long silence followed as Alex stared at her comprehending that, “what?” he huffed in denial “what do you mean?” He asked as if it would change what she meant.

“Alex…” she brought his hands closer to her “you need to do better in life, better than this. You have so much potential to give out, into yourself, into your career and you’ve spent so much on me already. I can’t keep you for me like this…we should…part.”

“I am passionate about you what do you mean passion project? I am in love with you and I want to help you. Just how you’d help me don’t you see it? So you don't get to decide that for me and my potential. It’s mine.” Alex stated firmly.

“Exactly. It’s yours! You’re pouring it all out into me—you’re draining yourself-“

“None of that is for you to decide!” Alex stopped her sentence midway leaving her hands out of his to run his hands through his hair out of frustration.

“Fine…” y/n seemed bad with confrontation and she didn’t want to paint herself out to be a bad lover in his history books years from now but she didn’t know how else to not do that. He was hurting unknowingly. “But this is for me to decide and I have. W-we need to..” she couldn’t even find it in herself to finish that sentence. “Break up.”

“No.” Alex stated so casually like she just asked her a very simple question, as if it was a question. “No we do not. We don’t need to do any such thing.”

“Alex…” she sighed looking away, his denial was breaking her heart. Tears formulated her eyes as she thought about how much this will hurt him.

“What Alex? No: I’m refusing.” He shrugged, very nonchalantly shrugging. Declining her wish as he didn’t even look at her.

“Alex please” she said as she gently cupped his face to look at her, “you don’t realise this…you have been putting yourself through so much for me. This-this is difficult I know, but you’ll be better after this.”

“Y/n, listen to me” he shifted in his seat to face her. “You don’t get to decide this for me. You are going through a tough time and I will not leave you.”

“You haven’t written a piece in two months..you don’t even go to the studio. You barely leave me alone to work with anything else!” She pointed out, all these bits of his habits were vanishing out and she had noticed it all. Being an early riser he’d go for a run around the block but nowadays he’d just time how many hours she had slept because of her issues. Time her vitamins and supplements. Plan things with her and only her as if he wasn’t supposed to have a life of his own.

“I have a writer’s block!” He exclaimed growing increasingly hurt and frustrated that this is how she viewed him helping her. She sounded like a burden to herself but he had never considered one to himself and he hated that she felt that way.

“Because you’re so occupied with me!” She exclaimed back with a sigh rubbing her eyes and looked away, uncrossing her legs on the couch.

“That’s just your assumption y/n you don’t know how my process works and you shouldn’t come to conclusions about things you don’t know.” Alex tried to reason with her even if she was right he couldn’t care less. She was important to him and she needed his full attention.

“Could you please just listen to me Alex…I don’t want to stay within this-“ y/n replied trying to find the right words.

“With me. You don’t want to stay with me.” He rephrased her sentence giving it to her as raw as he fathomed.

“Yes.” Taking in a deep breath she finally let it out because he wasn’t listening to her without brutal honesty. “Yes I don’t.”

“That just isn’t true-that’s not right you’re too tired today that’s all.” Alex replied, he wanted to point it maybe she was also hungry but he kept that for more persuasion.

“Alex, please.” Y/n breathed taking her head in her hands because none of her reasonings got into her head.

He just shook his head in response as the silence weighed heavy between the two of them. Tears streamed down her face as they sat there, Alex was more fine with this tension than he was with being without her. “We just can’t…y/n.” Alex said.

“I’m really sorry” she said as she looked back up at him teary eyed. The tears seemingly made everything difficult for sure. “It’s going to be alright…” she wiped her tears and looked away again. His sad gaze was so gutting to look at and talk at the same time it felt like it would stick with her, hauntingly, even after she leaves.

“But it’s alright already” He urged shifting closer to her and wrapping an arm around her trying to meet her eyes but she kept her gaze fixated at the coffee table.

“That’s what you want to think” she said softly with a heavy heart. “I don’t want to do this either Alex…it’s for the best.”

If it were for the best he wouldn’t be feeling his heart sink lower and his breath shortening. His vision becoming fuzzy already as tears brimmed in his eyes as well. But he wanted to handle this more delicately. “It isn’t, you know it isn’t.” He sniffled. “This isn’t what I want and I know it’s not what you want either, why do you feel this way? This need to run?”

“I’m not running Alex” I’m setting you free, she didn’t say out loud “I’ve been thinking about this a lot and…and this is going to hurt. It will hurt for a while but you’ll get over it.”

“Get over you? Y/n I don’t plan on leaving you” he said still drowning in denial. Stern denial and blind faith he could fix this mess, if he talked to her more. He could fix this mess, if he asked her sleep on it. He could fix this mess, if he held her closer. So he did. “Y/n look at me, look at me.” He forced her to face him. “This isn’t a rational solution. You are going through so much and you are thinking too much but this is a mistake. What we have is bigger than our problems-“

“Alex.” She stopped him midway, staring into his teary eyes with hers the same “This is my problem. You try to make to make it ours, helping me through it is one thing but this is taking up too much effort and energy in your life don’t you get that?”

Alex had never felt this defeated all his life. No reasoning seemed to get to him. He couldn’t digest that she let such thoughts mature for about a week and never once preferred to talk to him about it but just became sure about it. When the fact that she felt so distant from him to not even bring it up brought him to flowing tears. Taking his face into his hands he cried. Breaking down, y/n never saw him like this and she had seen him go through supposedly tougher situations. “You can’t do this to me” he said, his voice parched and eyes red.

The thought of leaving the next day in the morning, sleeping in different bedrooms and hugging him a goodbye at breakfast was so done now. If she didn’t leave now she won’t be able to leave ever. Just holding his face in her hands as her tears streamed down her face reciprocating his. She couldn’t even muster the courage to mouth a sorry. She glanced away at her keys and wallet by the side table. It hit her like a truck when she realised there won’t be a goodbye tomorrow but today. This very moment. She slowly got her car keys and wallet and put them on her side. “It’s going to be okay…” she said sighing. Cupping his face in her hands as he reciprocated the action holding her hands and staring into her eyes.

“No it’s not” he replied with heavy grief laced in his voice. Why wouldn’t she do anything to change this? Why would she let it be this way? He felt helpless to how she firm she was about this. He placed his lips onto hers holding her closer by her waist as she cradled his face. It time were to stop he’d prefer death over letting her go. As they kissed he realised how temporary this moment will be and how this memory will bite him with sharp teeth of yearning. He couldn’t stomach the thought that she would be a memory. Visit him in nostalgia and come up in conversations and that would be all?

Eventually she pulled away from their kiss, wiping his tears with her hands as her own surfaced her face too. His dreary eyes had such an effect upon she couldn’t bare it and she softly kissed him again. His hands would still not let her go. As moments passed in holding each other and the kisses broke she realised it was time. “Goodbye, Alex.” She spoke with a voice barely above whisper because the sound of her voice breaking was louder.

His eyes widened as he realised she was leaving, now. He had barely come to terms with the fact that she was leaving. He held her hand back as she tried standing up. “You’re leaving?” His voice broke as he asked that. Y/n didn’t have it in herself to answer him what he already knew she just looked at him apologetically. Apology she knew she didn’t deserve at this very moment. “You can’t just leave right now-think about this. Sleep on it, if you still want to go leave next week?”

His negotiations seemed to know no bounds and the bargain was to get him nowhere. It would probably make him worse if she stayed. If she stayed after this. “Alex-“

“You can’t even drive in this state y/n absolutely not-if you want a break from me we could just sleep in separate bedrooms I won’t bother you-“ he tried to come up with all possible alternatives.

Her heart sank further realising how further he'd go just to make her stay. It solidified her decision of her leaving because he would always chose her above himself, even at the expense of himself hurting. She had to love him enough to let him go. “Alex…” she breathed stopping him midway “I have to.” Shaking her head she stood up to leave but didn’t see him stand up at the corner of her eyes. Somewhat relived it wouldn’t be harder to walk out that door perhaps. As she clutched her keys and wallet she felt a tug at her leg.

Looking behind to see Alex on his knees for her, it was perhaps the worst sight ever her tears reciprocating his again before he even spoke. “Y/n I beg of you please don’t go” he said as he wrapped his arms around her legs, on his knees weeping for her.

Trying to remain balanced on her footing against his grip, “don’t do this” she pleaded as her voice broke and she knelt to his level. “Please don’t make this harder.” She cried choking on her words and held his hands. Alex held her hands back very tightly.

“It doesn’t have to be hard at all” he spoke through tears as she sat close to him he brought her closer naturally settling onto his lap. As she cried and wiped his tears more just streamed down his face, “We can make it out of this y/n please, trust me please have some faith in us”

The desperation in his voice, the tears and his words it was all so gutting. This would me one of those moments she would perhaps never recover from. If she ever finds happiness again she felt like it would be at the expense of this, it would be hard for him. Very hard, but he would do so much better if she left. It was evident how much he was willing to give even to the last moment, it was concerning. “You can’t love someone this hard” y/n held his face in her hands and told him sternly “I am very miserable and I’m bringing you the same pain-over and over. This is it Alex. You won’t hurt again at the hands of me and I’m sorry it is this way…” she told him. He had no words but tears to shed. He sat absolutely defeated with her entangled in his arms. Neither he said anything nor did she.

Y/n held him back wrapping her arms around him giving him a hug or maybe hiding his teary face from herself and likewise. Rubbing his back as she hugged him sitting upon his lap. He buried his face by her neck holding her close. If the world were to end he wouldn’t care because it already did for him. The thought that this was probably the last time she would be in his arms like this made his agony worsen.

They just held each other for almost a whole hour, her head resting by his chest as they sat intertwined. The silent and slow understanding of the end. Some picture frames on the coffee table and the wall ahead, somewhat blurry because of the tears, those memories came back so much clearer. There will be no more and these will just remain pictures. Alex let out a shudder of a breath at that thought. “Where will you go?” He asked her in a tone just above a whisper.

“To my dad’s.” She replied softly without looking back up at him nor attempting to shift away from his grip. Last of his warmth. Theirs.

“He was just starting to like me…” he spoke as a soft chuckle escaped him through the tears and y/n’s followed. He would often joke with her that her dad ‘hated him’ because he was rather stern to him and she would always tell him otherwise. In truth he may be but what did it all matter now? He looked down at her in his arms when she let out a little laugh too but then quivering, broke down in his arms. He kissed the top of her head with silent consoling and holding her with the last of his love she’d let him give her.

The night wouldn’t last forever just like them and she finally left. With much courage and a heavy heart out of his arms and then their shared place. Alex couldn’t watch her leave and he did not. The last glimpse he caught of her face before he kissed the top of her head. He would think back to this for a long while and he wanted to remember her beautiful face and not her leaving him. She left and the door shut, on their house and their life together.

-

A job is a job. However excruciating and beaten down, it finds you on your face but you’re bound to return. Y/n did as well. Over half a year, she started working again. Lived with her dad to make a comeback to the one place that would have ever even after everything. Her career made a turn eventually the Twitter smear campaigns wear themselves out. Talent comes through in Hollywood despite its vice like grip over its finest stars. Y/n’s project worked out, she avoided the award season despite being nominated but she did walk promotional red carpet for her new project. Time heals.

Time is subjected to heal everything even with some ignited hatred if that be to overcome the hurt. Alex, he grew to despise y/n. The first few months hurt so much, everywhere in the house he’d find his things even after she collected them. There were pieces of her everywhere. Their pictures were what hurt the least. Even after he moved out of the place whose sunrise constantly reminded of her absence of his arm. He kept finding her things everywhere. The longing could surround him for long until he turned all of that sadness into a harsher emotion. It was difficult to teach himself to decline her thoughts, hate her. But he did and that’s when he wasn’t as sad.

When the devil can’t reach you it keeps you on Alex turner’s bad side. Or perhaps send you to him. Just as now, y/n was doing her friend of years, Richard, a favour. Moreover Richard pleaded and begged her to do so. He was making a music video for the arctic monkeys and the studio’s PR team members wanted y/n specially or pull the cord of the entire project. Since her career was booming it would be perfect publicity for the upcoming single and her history with Alex. Y/n would rather not indulge in such at all, especially with Alex. Richard assured her that Alex wouldn’t even be on the set for the music video and it was set in Ireland’s grasslands. Too far for Alex to attend anyways since he wasn’t in the music video.

First day on set after she lands there y/n finds herself treated with warmth with the core team. The operator, the camera team, the crew most of them were faces she’d previously known. Everyone ‘glad’ to see her working again was a comment she was irked with for a while ever since she’d returned to working. They always said it in a comforting tone as if she’d was coming back from jail or so, such patient like sympathy was difficult but not anymore. Very comfortably used to it. Superficial condolences in the best way perhaps.

“Missed you fuckface!” She laughed as she hugged Richard on the set and he joined along. Hugging her back, they’d met after a long while.

“I did too, you jerk.” He laughed and ruffled her hair a bit, she nudged away in response and their inside jokes kept ongoing. Through the conversations it swayed back to being on set and Richard worked her through the video.

“This place is so remote I’m so glad you agreed because nobody else would’ve come this far and Alex wanted just you.” Richard mentioned as he talked her through the cinematic of it.

“Wait, Alex did?” Y/n asked furrowing her brows together. Richard had stated to her that Alex wouldn’t be there at all so him wanting her for the video, ‘just her’ was somewhat unbelievable.

“The record did…it’s kind of the same thing.” Richard replied.

“It’s not” she shrugged given she knew the context conversations between Alex and the record from when they were together. “I’m just so glad he’s not here”

“He’s not a bad person you know” Richard accounted for him thinking the breakup was his fault given how rigid y/n was not wanting to sign up for an AM project.

“Oh no of course not” he’s an angel, she didn’t say out loud. Alex kept whatever happened between them through the break up private. He didn’t even paint her out like someone who wronged him to their mutual friends, when he could’ve done so.

“Then why do you have such a problem with him being here?” Richard asked with voice laced of confusion and curiosity.

“I don’t have a problem just too much-“ drama? Bad memories? Good memories? Regret? All too much perhaps.

“Well that’s great then because he might be here.” Richard spoke hurriedly despite his promise he was just making the video he couldn’t dictate who could and could not be on set. Especially not the lead singer.

“What? What do you mean?” She asked with a dejected scoff, she believed him when he’d promised that Alex won’t be on set. “What do you mean here Richard you told me-“

“I mean here as in he may be around but he’s here for now-“ Richard fumbled with his words mentally preparing for the telling off y/n would inflict on him soon enough.

“Here as in?” She asked raising sharp brow at him crossing her arms.

“As in Ireland…” Richard trailed off and took a cue to hastily add the next information as she took in a sharp breath “Could also be on set”

“On set?!” She exclaimed “right now?”

“I’m not sure okay I don’t know-the video script had some changes and he was needed for some pretext or something. Also, y/n. He’s written this song, it’s his band—I can’t just say no to him if he wants to be on set.” Richard explained. The bickering went on back and forth for a while until a voice from behind broke them.

“Richard!” Alex exclaimed as he paced up to the man, all colour drained and also made her flustered when the air shifted with Alex’s hasty walk to Richard who she stood right beside. Alex greeted Richard with a hug. “This is a beautiful location, fantastic work yeah?”

“Ah thanks mate.” Richard said with a smile as they made a small talk about the set and think pieces. He tried to include y/n in the conversation too but Alex didn’t once look to the side as if she wasn’t even present there. Richard talked about some of the crew to Alex and then, wanting to relay it slowly. “And y/n, you know her of course”

“Right yeah” Alex scoffed and made a somewhat bothered expression, irritated in an instant. He did so as if she truly wasn’t present there. Intimidatingly he stood with his hands on his waist, leather jacket, the classic Alex. Soon enough without casting her as much as a glance he took his leave from the conversation.

She wasn’t ready for this conversation, not that it was a conversation at all. Y/n’s little ‘hi there’ was blatantly ignored by him too but it was all expected. She had planned to not cross paths with him but hypothetically after all that went down she had anticipated him being cold like this. She wasn’t mentally prepared for it, not today. However she didn’t hold it against him by all means he had the right to act this way. Even if she wanted to be somewhat offended by his harshness his pleading face, desperate tone, begging her not to leave on his knees all of it just came flooding back to sink her in regret. If the roles were reversed she would want to be far away from Alex and that’s what she would grant him. Keep her distance.

“So…” Richard trailed off pulling her out of her train of thoughts to talk about the unsolicited harshness. To an outsider, the breakup had been almost 6 months ago and neither of them made any big grievances about it so it was all very odd.

“Don’t.” Y/n shook her head not willing to go into this discourse.

-

I’ll do a few parts to this series let me know if you want to be tagged ;)

Comments and thoughts will be so so so very appreciated please please please let me know

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Where do you watch your Thai BL dramas and do you recommend any to start with?

WOW how did I miss seeing this????

Oh boy this is gonna take a while for me to properly answer because you managed to ask, in so few words, a question that has a long answer! (Which I am all too delighted to give, HEHE)

This ended up being such a long post omg, here's a read more.

So starting with where: There's quite a few places. Streaming services with a prescription, YouTube, and even a few free sites where fans will typically upload content (depending on availability and access, these update latest if a show can be found at all).

Streaming platforms (featuring Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Korean, and Thai content):

iQiyi - Chinese owned, has a free option with ads and a subscription option. Also features bonus content on certain shows that subbed users can access if you're into that. Has a good balance of stuff that isn't LGBTQ+, lots of great Chinese wuxia - I'm honestly amazed they have as much queer shows as they do but I am not complaining because there's a lot of good ones there.

GagaOolala - Taiwanese owned, has a free option with ads and a subscription option. Stout LGBTQ+ collection. There's certainly other programming but it's thing is being more out and proud, so it's a win for me.

Viki - American owned, allows users to add/edit subtitles. I haven't used this one much, but I haven't needed to get a subscription so far with the shows I have sought to watch and haven't been bothered with ads either? Not sure how that works but I haven't needed to bother looking into it lol

Other sources I've used to watch other BLs are YouTube (there's so many, and they're for FREE), DramaCool, kisskh, and Bilbili.

In this next bit, I'll be summarizing different studios that produce Thai shows, including Thai BL specifically. I'll summarize the studio and then list recommendations for shows.

First up:

GMMTV - (most content on YouTube, some has been put on iQiyi and Gaga though) This is a popular one for Thai shows, and Thai BL especially. It's nicknamed the Disney of BL for a reason (pumps out a lot of new shows each year, huge roster of actors signed to them, very focused on branding and promotion, etc.). A lot of people's first Thai BLs are among their shows, since it was the company that produced the show that launched Thailand's BL industry onto the map. They can be hit or miss with the level of satisfaction, but overall there's plenty to choose from and much to recommend.

Shows I recommend from this company:

Bad Buddy

This is the first one I watched and it changed my fucking life. Pat and Pran are the perfect mix of next door neighbors who were raised to be rivals, but they can't help becoming friends, and eventually fall for each other. It does great subversion of a number of tropes and has a kissing scene that so memorable I bought a t-shirt that's worn in it. The acting is superb and it's both funny and devasting in a lot of good ways. There's a sapphic side couple who are incredibly cute as well!

Be My Favorite

Pisaeng and Kawi, two guys who can't seem to accept their feelings, each live out multiple time lines where they can't help but be drawn together when Kawi is given a time traveling device. This show ponders the affects of one's actions and how living your truth can make or break the happiness you seek in life. This show was unprecedented in how good it was, especially since the leads were an unusual pairing. I love them I love them I love them.

SOTUS

This is the one that kick-started everything back in 2016 for Thai BL. It follows a group of college freshman who are subject to ritual hazing by their seniors, and one student worms his way into the heart of the senior leader. This show set out to censor fags (cigarettes) and not fags (gays). There's so much cultural significance that it's difficult to describe. It sets the tone for a number of BLs to follow.

Not Me

Do you like gays? Do you like social activism? Do you like batshit plots that put you on your fuckin knees for the whole ride? Have we got a show for you. I don't know how to summarize this one without immediately feeling insane, I love this show with all my goddamn heart. Twins Black and White get separated because they have a connection where they can feel the same things when they're close, and it has proven dangerous. Black gets put in a coma and White takes on his identity and joins an anarchist gang to find who hurt his brother. Not everything is what he thinks, though. Also this show inspired my first tattoo because Yok is my favorite boy forever and ever amen.

The Warp Effect

Alright, it's not a BL, technically, but my GOD is it queer. Don't believe me? Here's a list that I made of not even all the reasons why this show is so queer. It addresses so much about sex ed, relationships, consent, kink, body shaming, and even features a non-binary character. A boy, who made a promise to his late mother to save his virginity until marriage, breaks the promise and wakes up in the future. He has to help old friends and acquaintances resolve things that happened on that fated night if he hopes to return to his youth.

3 Will Be Free

Also technically not a BL, but it is poly!! A sex worker, a club host, and the son of a mafia boss end up on the run together after being involved with the wrong people and being in the wrong place...and killing a guy. By the same director of The Warp Effect, so you're guaranteed a similar flavor of thorough queerness.

More shows by the company that I recommend: A Tale of 1000 Stars, Moonlight Chicken, Enchanté, Vice Versa, The Eclipse, My School President, Wandee Goodday, Only Friends, Midnight Musem, The Gifted (those last two aren't BLs but the vibes are there).

Next up!

Idol Factory - (YouTube channel for watching) Founded by actor Saint Suppapong with the purpose of creating a studio that harbors a safer and more positive experience for people in the industry. Well known for producing one of the first and most popular GLs or girls love shows.

Shows I recommend from this company:

GAP The Series

Sam has been Mon's idol since she was little and now she's secured a job working at her company! She's so excited! Until she realizes that Sam is...kind of heartless. Her unwillingness to let her boss walk all over her does more than win over a good professional relationship. It's got all the drama of class divide and arranged marriage along with it, so it's a fun ride and makes for an iconic entry for lesbian cinema.

The Sign

Phaya and Tharn aren't just reincarnated lovers, they weren't even human before! The story follows a curse that's followed them since they first met as naga and garuda, both powerful legendary creatures who have fought each other for ages. In the present, they train as police officers and end up working together in a case related to Tharn's tragic past.

The Loyal Pin

This one actually hasn't started airing yet (August 4th!!!!) but it's about a lady and a princess who grew up together. From the looks of things, it's gonna have drama and angst up the wazoo so I'm looking forward to it.

More shows by the company that I recommend: Secret Crush On You (I haven't personally seen this one but it's been on my list and highly recommended)

Next up!

Domundi - (uncensored versions on iQiyi, cut versions on YouTube) It's more of a "content creator" company, so it includes musicians as well as actors, so there's not many shows under their wing. But they are good with high heat (more explicit) BL stories. One currently airing, Battle of the Writers, includes Chinese wuxia elements which is incredibly interesting and kinda ballsy (there's suspected attempts to lower viewership for censorship reasons). I highly recommend watching it just for the sake of elevating it, there's a cut version on YouTube.

Shows I recommend from this company:

Bed Friend

Poor Uea is traumatized to hell and back; it's like the world is out to get him. He and his coworker King decide after a one night stand to be exclusive fuck buddies, and ngl it's HOT. We get catboy kinks in this one! Their connection deepens and they have to figure out what they both want from each other. Also all the shitheads get owned, it's really nice to watch. It inspired a Jennette McCurdy meme from me.

Middleman's Love

This is the story of Uea's best friend Jade, who sees how happy his friend is in his new relationship, and takes his turn being Emma Woodhouse. Well....it doesn't go to plan. He keeps pushing Mai toward someone else and doesn't realize that Mai likes him. This one starts incredibly goofy (I put that as a warning), and then gets steamy later on.

Battle of the Writers

This one just started airing! Ob-un is accused of plagiarizing fellow author Chan, and after things have been cleared they end up on a writing team together. The wuxia characters here are characters from their novel. It seems their relationship will parallel certain aspects of the story.

Next company!

Wabi Sabi - (YouTube channel for shows) They've recently lost a whole bunch of actors (several to GMMTV no less) due to terminating artist management, so I'm not sure what the future looks like, but they've released several shows that are considered BL staples.

Recommended:

Until We Meet Again

Dean and Pharm are reincarnated lovers who previously had a tragic end. This one is heavy on the emotions, the first 10 minutes took my fucking knees out. Has lot of themes of intergenerational trauma and how important having supportive parents can be. Pharm is so cute, I need to squish him!

Between Us

It starts around the same time as Until We Meet Again, but from the perspective of Team and Win. They have their own angst issues and family traumas that make them messy, and there's a lot more development of the side characters that were featured in the first series as well. I especially enjoy the sideplot for gamers Waan andTul, lol, I wish they could get their own series too! I do recommend watching UMWA first if you don't want to be confused about a few scenes in this one.

Final company, let's go!

Change 2421 - The company that made the omegaverse alpha-alpha car racing BL. That one. Need I say more?

Recommended:

Pit Babe

Mx. omegaverse alpha-alpha car racing BL themself. Babe is a star racecar driver with special abilities. He's charmed when he meets Charlie, but things begin to change for him faster than he can recognize. The home he ran away from tries to force him back as he attempts to reveal its worst secrets.

This Love Has No Long Beans

This is currently airing! Oab is your chef from Kitchen Nightmares that judges harshly with a tough exterior but genuinely has a good heart. Having lost his passion for cooking, he decides to set up a contest to find a successor to take over his restaurant. Plawan chooses to enter this contest despite having no skills and already having gotten on Oab's bad side. Things get heated when Plawan's determination to make it through the competition ignites the passion for cooking again.

There's plenty more companies, but these are the ones I am most familiar with. But there's still more!

Shows I recommend that aren't from the companies listed above:

Kinnporsche

The mafia BL that took over. I have so much brain rot about this one that it's hard to summarize without going crazy. Porsche and his brother have been struggling to keep their beloved family home, so he takes an offer he can't refuse - working as a mafia bodyguard. Kinn, the current mafia head, is undeniably attracted to him and it ends up making them inseparable in more ways than one. I especially enjoy the side couples, VegasPete and KimChay (there is ENDLESS insanity from all possible pairings tbh).

Love in the Air

It's kinda split into two stories, Payu (or Phayu, honestly the spelling gets switched a lot and even I don't stick to one thing) and Rain, and Prapai and Sky. PayuRain are the most couple ever, that's just the best way I can put it. The actors have incredible chemistry and set a fucking standard for making out. Sky and Prapai will make you cry. They handle some pretty intense material and do an incredible job with it. Also bisexuals with motorcycles and light mafia action.

I Told Sunset About You/I Promised You The Moon

Not only an iconic BL series that strives for telling an incredibly realistic story (no goofy sound effects or gags here), but the cinematography is absolutely gorgeous. Also the messiest bisexual awakening known to man. Oh my god. So much crying. Sooooo much angst. It's okay if you throw shit over this one, it's worth it, I promise. Tee and Oh go through pretty much everything that could make weaker couples hate the other person and that's what makes them top tier.

Ingredients

This whole series is a grocery store commercial? Ignore that, these roommates have the most adorable development. I binged this and was crying at 2am. Tops is an aspiring chef and Win is his himbo roommate who is trying to make it as a musician. As they each work toward their dreams, they become important aspects of each other's lives. Also, if you don't come out of this obsessed with Jeff Satur (or anything else he does), I will question your taste. Pun intended.

Old Fashion Cupcake

Japanese BL? Older queers? Office romance? Age gap? A confession scene that meets Jane Austen level standards of desperation? Togawa and Nozue are something else man. They make it a game to pretend to do what young women do as an "anti-aging" technique, but really it's Togawa's scheme to hopefully catch the eye of his boss. Incredible, no notes except maybe I'd like to have a Thai remake? Please?

And last but absolutely not least...

Semantic Error

A fantastic Korean BL. Rivals to lovers and 10000% ADHD4autism. Jang Jaeyoung is prevented from graduating by Chu Sangwoo and makes it his personal mission to get under his skin. And well....it works lol. They're both the most characters, I adore them and their chaotic stumbles into romance. Bonus Choi Yoona bisexual goddess side character, we love her.

Kiseki: Dear To Me

Taiwanese BL that's also split somewhat split between two stories. Zong Yi takes in a wounded Zhe Rui. The student realizes he's keeping a gangster in his dorm and tries to ignore his charms but ends up being drawn into his world. Meanwhile, Ai Di and Chen Yi, other members of the gang, deal with the consequences of Zhe Rui's disappearance.

Well. That was a whole lot. I hope this isn't too overwhelming for you! I've only been in the BL fandom for a couple years so this is barely scratching the surface as far as what's out there.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

I'm In Love (With My Best Friend)

Summary: Peter Parker x Fe!Reader -> You and Peter have been best friends since middle school. But when feelings get involved, it can lead to a lot of pining and incredibly romantic kisses inside a Stark lab.

Disclaimer: FLUFF, a little angst, a LOT of pining. Kissing. Jealousy. Happy Ending. Not proof-read. No use of Y/N.

You first met him when you were in middle school. You had been the new transfer student and you had zero friends. The first week of your new school you spent getting lost in the hallways, avoiding the random questions that the people who you assumed were the popular crowd were asking you and trying to concentrate on the work you were being given. 

But, half-way through your second week, you met a boy. 

You had been sitting on your own in the back of the cafeteria, trying to solve your science homework. 

Usually, you were okay with science but every time you entered your numbers, you knew the answer was wrong. 

He’d introduced himself as Peter Parker. 

You recognised the name. 

He was supposed to be in your English, Math and Physical Ed classes though he hadn’t been in due to being ill. 

At first, he sat with you because there was nowhere else to sit. At least, that’s what you thought. Then he asked about your homework. 

“Yeah, Mrs Jackson always sets difficult questions. Do you want some help?”

You accepted his offer and he moved over two seats so he was directly in front of you and for the next 20 minutes, he sat with you and you both figured out the homework together. 

In return, you offered to help him with his English report. 

You couldn’t quite remember when it was after that that the pair of you became inseparable. But, after that, the both of you were never seen without one another. 

Even in High School, you remained the best of friends. Thursday night homework hours were completed together and Friday night movie nights were completed with the same laughter, frustration and smiles. 

And, despite attending different colleges, it was like no time or space had passed between you both. 

You were the first Peter came to when he was ready to tell people about his alter-ego Spider-Man. You were also the first person Peter came to when he had his first crush and date in High School. 

Maybe that was when you had your first heart-break. 

Though you were friends with Peter first, it was a couple years into High School that you realised your feelings towards Peter had grown to be more than friendship. 

But you knew he didn’t feel the same. And knew he probably never would. 

But, at the same time, it didn’t not sting when he dated other girls. 

Either way, you swallowed the pain and your feelings for him and remained determined to keep your friendship with Peter despite them. 

So, you dated other guys. 

And, they were kind. 

Some of them became long term - others, not so much. But despite how much you cared for them, something always seemed to be missing. Though you tried your best to ignore that fact. 

You both had graduated college a few years ago and ever since, Peter had been working for Stark Industries whilst, despite the job offer Tony had given you personally and said he would keep on ice, you had a job helping engineer different plates and surgical equipment that helped towards surgery for animals who’s back legs had stopped moving or had been born without one of the paws etc. 

Still, you met Peter every day in his lab at the compound at 7 since you got off work at 6. 

“Peter? You here?”

“In here. I’m almost ready, I’ve just got to-”

“No worries.”

Whilst Peter ran about the place, finding different parts for some old web-shooters he had in his hand, you sat at one of the tables and tinkered away. 

It was usually like this. 

You’d go and meet him, he’d still be working and you’d sit with him for 40 minutes to an hour before you both left to get food and watch a movie. 

“You know, it’s so cool you work for Tony Stark.”

Peter smiled as he continued to tinker away and you tried to avoid your gaze dropping to check him out despite his outfit consisting of black cargo trousers and a black t-shirt. 

So, he’d been in training today.

“Yeah. You know, you could too if you wanted.” Peter looked up to you for a moment. “He has a job lined up and ready for you whenever you want it.”

You smiled and nodded. “I know. But I like my job.”

“Offer is always there.”

“Hey, did you hear back from Lucy?”

Peter faltered for a moment, though you barely noticed. “Oh, uh, yeah. We’re…we’re going out again, tomorrow, I think.”

You ignored the sad feeling in your chest, despite the fact you had been the one to set them up (technically). 

Lucy worked in the office at your job. Peter came in one day to pick you up and she mistook you both for a couple despite the fact she’d just been flirting with him thirty seconds ago. 

You just opened your mouth and shut the whole thing down. “Oh, no. Hahaha, no. We’re- we’re just friends. Good friends. But friends.”

Sitting up a little straighter, you smiled. “That’s good.”

“What about you? What happened to Frank?”

“Mark,” you corrected. “And it-it wasn’t right. Besides, we only talked, like, twice. It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. He said he hated Disney movies and would rather gouge out his eyes than watch another one.”

“Seriously?”

You raised your eyebrows with a puff from your chest, still annoyed at the comment. “Yeah.”

“Well, at least you never have to talk to him again.”

“True.”

At that moment, the door to Peter’s lab slid open and Sam walked in with a pile of plans, presumably for a new set of wings. 

“Steve told me to give you these.”

“Thanks, Sam. Just leave them there. I’ll look over them.”

“Hey, Sam.”

Sam called your name and ran over and hugged you. “How are you doing, kid?”

“Good. Just waiting for this one to finish up. How was Alaska?”

“Cold. Bucky got his arm frozen to a lamp-post. I’ll send you pictures.”

You smiled. “You want them framed?”

“Oh, please.” Sam smiled. 

“Did I ever show you the pictures when Peter froze his webs to the roof? He was still attached to them two hours later.”

Peter, looking between the pair of you, laughing at the photos, shook his head. “Sometimes I regret introducing you two.”

“Too late.” Sam smiled. “Anyway, you both should head out before traffic gets too bad.”

“It’s New York. Traffic is always bad.”

“Even better.”

“And our movie starts in an hour.” you added. 

“Alright, I’m done.”

Sam winked at you and you mouthed a “Thank you” to him before he said goodbye and left. 

Yourself and Peter managed to get to the cinema and find your seats just before the trailers finished and for the next two hours, you spent most of the time trying not to have a heart-attack as the actors jumped from building to building, hanged themselves over the edge of a cliff and nearly died about thirty times before finally succeeding. 

Despite the amount of times you watched movies like that, it didn’t stop your heart from racing and trying not to watch. Horror, sure. You could handle that. But suspense and action - nope. 

“How you feeling?”

You put your hand to your head and covered your eyes for a moment. “I’m still spinning, I think. Please, never do anything like that.”

Peter laughed as you sat down on the bench outside the movie house. “You have my word.”

Slowly, he knelt down in front of you before pushing your chin up. 

“Look at me for a moment.”

You did so and tried to slow your heart down that was beating faster for a separate reason. 

“Stopped spinning?”

It took you a moment to focus. “Y-Yeah. All stopped now.”

“Good.”

Peter stood up again and you mentally slapped yourself as you checked him out again. He’s just a friend. A FRIEND. 

Thankfully, he didn’t notice since he was too busy looking down the street before he gave you his hand. 

“Come on. Let’s head back.”

You took his hand as he helped you up before letting it go, too afraid of what your own feelings might feel if you held his hand any longer. 

Months later, not much had changed. 

You’d still kept your feelings from Peter and dated a couple of people. Peter dated Lucy for a month before breaking it off - though he never told you why. 

But one evening, as you were sitting home alone - your roommate out on another date - you got the craving for Pizza and since there was none in the freezer, you grabbed your bag and coat before heading out to the nearest pizza place. 

You needed to get out of the house. 

Despite there being no change between you and Peter, part of you called out for it. You either needed to tell him how you felt or you needed to move on. And since you weren't going to do the first…ever, that only left you with the second. 

And, oddly enough, that night you met Colton. 

He was standing in line waiting for his pizza and since the chef got an emergency call from his wife saying she was in labour, he mistakenly made half a pepperoni, half margarita. 

Despite the awkwardness, you both decided to share it. 

You sat outside together on a park bench, watching the ducks float down the water, simply talking. 

“So, what brings you to a pizza place at 9 at night on a Tuesday?”

“Hunger, mostly.”

Before you knew it, he was walking you home, you had exchanged numbers and met him for a date that Saturday. From there, you continued talking and soon enough, months had passed by. 

It was late in the afternoon when you were at SI and, whilst talking to some old friends in the hallway since you’d just come from a shared meeting between both companies, Colton turned up. 

“Hey, what-” you kissed him quickly. “What are you doing here?”

“You left your notebook at my house,” he passed you the hardback notebook that contained most of your random thoughts and problems that were either to do with work or could be to do with work, one day. 

“Oh, thank you.”

“And, since I’m here, I was hoping maybe we could get lunch together?”

You smiled and nodded. “I’d like that.”

Then someone called your name.

Looking behind you, the four people you’d been talking to seemed to split up and gave you a clear view of who had called your name - though you didn’t need to view to know who it was. 

“Peter,” you said, slightly shocked. 

This was the first time, despite him knowing about Colton, Peter was about to meet him. 

“Hey, I was just- who’s this?”

“Oh, I, uh, this-this is Colton.”

Colton stuck out his hand and Peter shook it after a quick moment. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

Whether it was real or not, it was like a massive tension cloud was above the whole situation. 

“Uhh…Colton, this is Peter. My-”

“Best friend since middle school.” Peter finished. 

“Cool. Well, we were just about to get lunch so I guess we’ll see you later?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Can you- Let me just grab my coat.”

“Course, babe.”

Then Colton kissed you for what felt like the longest time - and oddly, it didn’t feel like the others. It felt…forced. 

Either way, when he pulled away you stepped back a little before heading down the hall and towards the cloak room. And in the time it took you between getting your coat and walking back, that cloud of tension only seemed to feel darker and bigger. 

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go babe.”

You nodded, saying goodbye to everyone else but something in the bottom of your stomach felt guilty - especially when you saw the split-second change in emotions on Peter’s face before he went back to how he usually looked at you. 

Once you left the building with Colton and had driven away, Natasha smacked the back of Peter’s head. 

“Ow, what was that for?”

“I don’t know. For whatever the hell that was, for being jealous, for not telling her sooner.”

“Jealous? I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous?”

Natasha just laughed. “Oh, you look just like Steve when Grant from level three flirted with me. Oh, you’ve got it bad.”

“Nat-” Peter rolled his eyes and tried to walk away but she just pulled him back. 

“You can admit you like her. I mean, we’ve all seen this coming for years.”

“I don’t- you have?”

Natasha shrugged. “What? She’s pretty and you’re both close friends. I’m just surprised it took you this long. I thought you were smarter than those idiots.”

“Those idiots are still standing here.” 

“Peter, how long have you liked her?” Laura asked him. 

“I,” Peter shook his head. 

“Oh, boy.” Laura laughed. 

Peter stood there, slightly dumbfounded, as the others walked away. 

Despite how much he denied it, and how much he convinced himself he didn’t feel that way towards you, he did. Ever since Junior year of College. At least, that was when he’d been getting that simmering feeling in the pit of his stomach every time you looked at him, or even when you didn’t. And that simmer seemed to boil every time he saw you with somebody else. 

But he decided never to tell you. 

He figured, since you had never said anything about extra feelings; ones that surpassed a simple friendship bond, then you wouldn’t ever feel the same. 

And when you made the comment of Just Friends to Lucy, he knew you definitely would never feel the same. So, he guessed he had to get used to the feeling of…something towards you. 

Yet seeing you with Colton - his arm around you, his lips on yours - something seemed to start cracking inside of him. 

Either that, or completely being blown to smithereens. 

Nat was completely right. 

He was jealous. 

He has been jealous. Ever since he first saw you get ready for that date you had with Hank, or Hodge or whatever the guy’s name was - he felt that simmer in his stomach and that small voice in the back of his head for a split second let him think he was watching you get ready to go out on a date with him. 

It had confused him, at first. 

You were his best friend and he was suddenly having these thoughts about dating you and…opening the car door for you (despite already doing that, anyway). But it would have been different. 

He would be yours, in more ways than just friendship. 

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“Of course I do, she’s my best friend.”

Peter looked towards the door where Clint was leaning against the door frame like a dad getting ready to talk to his son. 

Although, despite the comfort Clint provided, Peter faltered for a moment. He had been alone since Colton came and swept you away to lunch - over three hours ago. He’d been tinkering away and letting his mind wander. 

“Relax, kid. It’s written all over your face.”

“Clint, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Tough.” Clint pulled out a seat across the lab desk where Peter was standing. “Laura has already told me what happened and most likely, Tasha’ will do the same later tonight. You might as well talk, Kid.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“Admitting you love her, to yourself, is a start.”

“But do I?”

Even as he questioned it outloud, he knew it wasn’t a question. It hadn’t been a question for the longest time. 

“Pete, according to Laura, you looked like you were about ready to punch his lights out when he kissed her.”

“Well he was just standing there, trying to force himself down her throat. Even I know she doesn’t like PDA like that. And, he was talking about taking her to some kind of salad bar across town when she usually goes and gets her grilled sub from the cafeteria - or I do. And then take it to her. It’s the only thing she ever likes to eat during the day.”

Clint watched as a light, reminiscent smile came across Peter’s face. 

“It’s been the same thing ever since high school. Even if it goes a little cold, it’s still crispy and just as tasty. Plus, the smell doesn’t remind her of the girls' bathroom stalls. There was a leak in the summer before we started. Busted the sewer line that ran under the girls bathroom. The whole corridor would smell but she said it was worse in the bathroom.”

Clint nodded and just let Peter ramble. Though he did get a little worried that the screwdriver he was holding would fly out of his hand at some point. 

Peter’s face grimaced. “I bet he listens to, like, just indie bands and says it’s the best thing in the world and that any other style of music is too…modern because it contains too many lyrics that make sense. She hates that, you know. She had a roommate in college that only ever listened to this…clapping music. Literally, just people clapping along to songs. After that, she moved into one of the sorority dorms. He was probably some douche frat guy, too. Couldn’t get a sorority “chick” then so thinks he can get one now. Not that she’s a “chick” by any means.”

“What is she, then?”

Peter took a short moment to think. “Amazing. Wonderful. Beautiful. Way out of his league. Way out of mine, too. But…”

“But you’re in love with her anyway?” Clint asked. 

“Of course I am but-”

Peter, once again, faltered. 

Had he really just admitted that out loud? 

It felt good. 

“I am. I am in love with her.”

“Then you should tell her. Pete, coming from me, I’d say don’t wait too long. And from Steve, he waited over seventy years - granted, he found Nat. But still. Don’t let her find someone else, especially when you’re already here.”

“But what if she doesn’t-”

Clint already started laughing. He almost doubled over. 

“What? Why are you laughing?”

“Oh, Pete. You really are an oblivious idiot. Kid, that woman has been head over heels for you ever since we first met her. And probably for a long time before that. Trust me, if you tell her, you’ll hear the same thing back.”

Peter stood baffled for a moment before looking at his watch. You should be home by now. You never really liked going out after 6 unless it was for a period run or food.

“I’ve got to go.”

“We’ll be waiting.”

The only thing was…as Peter got to your street, he was stopped in his tracks half-way there. 

You stood on the front steps with Colton. You were laughing and leaning into him and he whispered things to you and then you kissed him. 

You kissed him.

If he went over there…he could ruin the happiness you had with him. He might not like Colton, but you did. And that was what mattered to him. And, even if Clint was right and you did love him back, what was to say you’d say yes to being with him? And, even if you did, what if you couldn’t be friends? Then you’d lose one another. Forever.

He couldn’t risk that. 

So, for the next two months, he watched you flirt and fall for Colton all the while his heart started breaking. 

And then, for about three weeks, he didn’t see you. 

And it was the longest three weeks of his life. 

You had gone on a business trip - and Colton joined you. And, from overhearing Laura and Clint talk, you were going to visit Colton’s family since they lived in the area. 

Part of him wondered if you’d come back engaged. 

You’d only been with Colton under a year but he saw how you looked at him, and how he looked at you - despite not liking either fact. 

But, one late evening as he was working on a couple new designs, he’d gone to the Cafeteria to get some food - he could hear you in his head, cursing him for not having a proper meal in the day. 

When he came back, it was the first time he’d actually had a jump scare. 

You were in his lab. 

You hadn’t even called. 

Friday hadn’t even told him you were in the building. 

You were still you. Not that he expected much to change. 

Your hair half down though the top was thrown into a haphazard messy bun. Your contacts must have dried out in the day since you were wearing your glasses. 

You used to wear them all the time in middle school and high school but they got annoying after a while since they’d slip down your face and get dirty - despite having wiped them thirty seconds ago. Since you wanted to be an engineer and your hands were always full, you changed to contacts. 

It was much easier to focus on the task at hand than the task and the potential of your glasses slipping from your face and landing either in a tank of oil or being crushed under heavy machinery. 

You were wearing a pair of simple jeans that already had oil stains. 

So, you’d been at work today. 

And you were wearing his t-shirt. 

His t-shirt. 

Not Colton’s (unless he owned the same one, though he highly doubted it.). 

His. 

“You’re back!”

“I’m back!” you smiled. 

Silence. 

Peter was still stunned at the t-shirt. 

He’d seen you in his t-shirt, maybe once in college, when the washing machine had broken and you had to hand-wash your clothes in his sink since your sink was broken. 

“It’s nice to see you,” you tried to imitate his voice. “It’s nice to see you, too Peter. Yes, I did have a good time on my trip. I’m so glad you’ve come to see me.”

“Sorry,” Peter laughed a little. “It is good to see you.”

Peter came over and hugged you tightly before stepping back awkwardly and, if you didn’t know any better, you would have guessed he wanted distance between you both. 

“How was your trip?”

“Good. I, uh, I secured the deal with the manufacturer. Everything goes to mass production next month.”

“It does? That’s amazing.”

“I know.”

Short silence and then, Peter asked a question he needed to despite not wanting to. 

“Why are you not with Colton? Shouldn’t you be out celebrating?”

“Maybe.” you agreed. “But, uh, we- actually, I. I, uh, well…I broke up with him.”

Peter tried to calm himself. 

“You did?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“He was a great guy and all and I cared for him and his family were amazing but, uh, he…he just wasn’t…”

You - that was what you wanted to say. He wasn’t Peter.

“He just wasn’t the right fit. He…he wanted too much too soon and, I don’t know, I guess…I wasn’t ready.”

A pang of guilt played in your stomach. 

You were ready. You were ready for all what Colton offered you; love, a family, a promise of the future. But you weren't ready to have it with him. 

Despite all the shutting down of emotions, you still wanted it to be Peter.  

“Oh, well…that’s good, I guess.”

“Yeah. So, I guess…that was it.”

“Oh, okay.”

Neither of you really knew what to do. Peter’s mind was screaming at him to tell you the truth. And your’s was banging on the wide open door in your heart trying to get your attention. 

But neither of you moved. 

Until Peter did. 

“I-I, uh, I left something in the other- lab. I should probably finish-”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. I should probably head back home anyway.”

Peter began to exit the room but half-way out of the door, he stopped though you were too busy trying to keep your focus on the side desk in front of you to spot it. 

“I’m done wasting time.”

Peter didn’t fully know what made him do what he did next, but no matter the outcome, he would never regret it in his life. Or, maybe he would, but in the long term, he might not. 

Turning back, he hurried towards you and for a moment, you looked back up and he caught your gaze. 

If you were going to kill him afterwards, he wanted his death to be worthwhile. 

He kissed you. 

Cupping your cheeks in his hand, he kissed you - deeply and passionately. Though he didn’t force it. 

It was just as he dreamed and better. 

Your head was spinning. 

All the feelings you had ever felt for Peter all rose to the surface and once your brain registered the kiss was real, you kissed him back just as much. 

Your hands that had been gripping the side of the desk to support yourself came to his wrists and then to his chest where you gripped him by the collar, pulling him closer. 

His own hands raked through your hair, holding the back of your head to be closer to you and eventually, when you both had to break apart due to the lack of air, his head remained against yours. 

Both of you were out of breath and holding one another as close as possible. 

“Sorry, I just-”

“Don’t apologise.”

You pushed yourself to stand a little straighter, keeping him close to you before you opened your eyes to look at him. 

“Don’t apologise. I was just a little…” you couldn’t find the words. 

“Shocked?”

You laughed a little. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”

“I don’t want to scare you,” Peter told you. “But I need to tell you something and if you never want to speak to me again then so be it but if I don’t tell you soon I think I might combust.”

“I’m in love with you.”

You beat him to it. 

“Sorry. I just…I am. That probably terrifies you. I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t-” Peter let out a small laugh. “Don’t be sorry. Because I was going to say the same thing.”

“You were?”

Peter nodded and hummed. “I was. But you beat me to it.”

“I did, didn’t I?”

“I’m in love with you, too.” Peter told you. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I know I should have but I just thought-”

“I wouldn’t like you back?”

Peter nodded. 

“What a pair we make, eh?” you laughed. 

“I know you said you didn’t want to move too fast but-”

“Peter, I only said that because…because I wasn’t ready for him.”

“What?”

“I broke it off because he wasn’t you. Colton was great and all but, that thing that didn’t fit? It was because he wasn’t you.”

“Then will you go on a date with me?”

You smiled. “I’d love to.”

“Great. I can’t wait.”

“Neither can I.”

Without a moment to spare, Peter kissed you again and you kissed him back and it was as if your first kiss hadn’t ever stopped. You turned a little as Peter held you closer and you felt yourself leaning against the desk. Before you knew it, you were sitting on the desktop, pulling Peter as close to you as physics would allow it. 

The next day, you both went on your first date as a couple. A week later, you were official and Nat made it everyone’s business that yourself and Peter had finally become a couple.

The morning after your first night together had been special. Despite Peter having to get up earlier than either of you wanted him to, for work, you stood in the kitchen ready to wash the dishes from the night before he left through the front door. 

Less than ten seconds later, he came back in through the door. 

“Did you forget somethin-”

He cut you off with a kiss. 

“That,” he smiled. “I forgot that.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“See you at lunch?” Peter asked, still holding you. 

“See you at lunch.” you confirmed before he kissed you again, and again, and again.

“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you.”

“Love you, too. Be careful.” 

Six months later, you both moved in together before finalising the house you both wished to buy. 

Two years later, you and Peter had made a home for yourselves, together and were planning a winter wedding.

[shmowder]

In case you missed it, Game Rant did an interview with Nikolay Dybowski about Pathologic 3. Here is the link for it.

And here are the bits that stood out the most to me:

Q: The non-linearity of time and how it will be related to the nature of the Town are also core story components. How did this affect design and direction?

A: Connecting non-linear time with a long, narrative-heavy story that involves many characters and cause-and-effect chains would be extremely difficult. We focused on what the player feels in the moment rather than on gathering information in the right order. The latter approach works well in shorter formats like Her Story or 12 Minutes, but in Pathologic, it would be overwhelming.

We wanted players to feel like “everything, everywhere, all at once”—similar to Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse-Five. Different versions of reality coexist simultaneously, creating a “quantum” feeling for the player. Look at the time travel mechanic as an opportunity to correct mistakes, or even to make deliberate mistakes in order to unlock new paths and ideas. It is like a "sanctioned save scum."

-

Q: Conversely, how will it (Pathologic 3) connect to and consider the events and characters in Pathologic 2?

A: Consider it as two subjective retellings of the same events. This is the same Town, the same twelve days, the same participants and events that occurred in the Haruspex’s story. But this is a different perspective. Like two witnesses recounting the same event in Rashomon, the stories vary greatly, each focusing on different details. Finally, we always give our heroes the right to make honest mistakes, forget, and even lie. Every narrator is an unreliable narrator.

-

Q: How did Pathologic’s previous philosophical explorations help inform or play into the narrative and themes here?

A: Everything we now see as true and valuable, we’ve kept. Everything we’ve outgrown, like childhood clothes, we either reimagined and reinterpreted to give these ideas new meaning, or let go of them. After all, we’ve grown a lot (hopefully, along with the industry). When I first conceived Pathologic, I was 21 and completely alone. Now I’m 47, surrounded by incredibly talented people who enrich this universe as much as I do, and that makes a difference.

We’ve kept the idea of the tragedy of utopian projects. We kept the idea that the plague is a voice of the natural order—one that the thinking human mind cannot accept—and that it has its own truth. We retained the belief that evil cannot be defeated with its own tools or outplayed on its field; yet it can be defeated realistically in a different, orthogonal way. In another dimension.

-

Q: It’s mentioned that the Bachelor is searching for an immortal man in Pathologic 3. Can you say if this is in reference to Mark Immortell?

A: No, there’s no connection between Simon Kain (one of the town’s rulers) and Mark Immortell (the director of the town theater). Mark is a clown. He awkwardly mimics Simon, parodying him, which is why he takes on this pseudonym. He's fully aware that he’s a jester, and the gesture itself is ironic.

-

Q: What do you hope players will take away most from Pathologic 3?

A: The hope that humanity remains a promising and capable species.

-

Also, new game pictures and screenshots dropped:

(some are old ones I forgot to post)

[bird-inacage]

Net x James: An important reminder that BL partnerships consist of two individuals and they are not just a single entity.

So the Netjames news has been a notable bombshell in the fandom of late, and I've been quietly observing this as it unfolded earlier this week, particularly the varying reactions and discourse around it.

In his statement, James explained that his current career goals are moving in a different direction, which has resulted in him pulling out of 'Love Upon a Time', and by extension his acting partnership with Net. He wants to explore his other avenues as an artist, whereas Net is presumably focused on acting for now.

With BL partnerships, we often see the two co-stars tied at the hip. Its part of the gig and it comes with the territory. They don't just work together on their project, but they do a huge amount of activity (both public and private) outside of that. They travel, perform, they do fan meets, press events, and spend a huge amount of time together as a twosome. So we get accustomed to seeing them as a united entity, which means news like this tends to hit harder because it feels akin to a divorce. This is one of the pitfalls of the Thai BL industry. When you create a narrative around two people who exclusively come as a package, it makes it incredibly difficult for both the actors themselves and fans to accept or make peace with any possible deviation from that. I think it's natural for any actor or artist to desire collaboration with different people: to develop their craft, to further their experience, to broaden their versatility. If sticking to only one working partner 'for life' doesn't work for them, I completely empathise with that.

In their recent Instagram lives, Net and James were clearly sad and their feelings still very raw. This led to a lot of speculation regarding any ill-feeling or fall out between the two. But such accusations can be harmful. Even in an amicable or mutual break-up where ending a relationship is in both parties' best interests - the two people involved are still grieving. Being brutally honest and transparent with someone close to you, that things can no longer continue as they are, isn't easy. If fans feel upset, just imagine how difficult this is on them both. When you've been nurtured as a partnership from the get go, your co-star whose always been at your side provides a sense of safety and familiarity. And the prospect of now moving forward without them is a scary new unknown. On top of that, they probably feel an immense amount of pressure and guilt in digesting the potential fallout and response from their fans. There will be trepidation in how well their careers will fare in the immediate aftermath.

Despite this, there are also positives to be taken from this decision. Arguably, Net and James were still in the early stages of their partnership. Bed Friend really put them on the map as a couple. So for James to come forward with this realisation now, before they got too established as a pairing was a responsible thing to do. I'm sure the last thing anyone wants is for their favourite artists to feel stuck or obliged to continue working together, which would undoubtedly lead to feelings of resentment eventually.

So respectfully, these instances are not to be taken personally or to be deemed as a betrayal of your support. After all, what we know of these artists is only a very small piece of their identities as people. It's okay to be devastated, but be respectful of their wishes. You can choose to continue supporting them as individuals, or choose to no longer support them at all - either way, you are perfectly valid and entitled to your choice, just extend the same courtesy back and be mindful of casting unfair judgement on their choice.

For me, it is admittedly a shame because I did see great potential in them both as a pair, and they had fantastic chemistry which could have been nurtured with more time and experience. Regardless, I truly believe they both have immense love for one another, and I wish them both the very best. They've just come to terms with the fact they no longer share the same vision for what they want in their careers. And that's okay.

(I will always be grateful that they gave us THIS iconic moment).

[artemis-fowl-incident-report]

Fowl Futures

(btw, I'm sending in query letters to literary agents atm. Wish me luck)

Artemis: I imagine Artemis relaxes a lot in the future. He's already proved himself, he's been chaotic, he's literally died to save the world. He's earned some rest. Not all of it, though. He's never been one to rest on his laurels. He pours a lot of his time and attention into Fowl Industries R&D department, creating things to help better humanity (and making the lives of Politicians who stand in the way of that a whole lot more difficult). I could see him settling down eventually, maybe having kids (something he would be terrified of, since he doesn't want to make them feel the way his father made him feel) but most of all, it is is good life, a life he deserves.

Beckett: Because of his connection with animals, I believe Beckett would have a hand in farming. More accurately, he would be ethically negotiating with animals for their by-products (eggs, wool, milk etc. He draws the line at meat) He runs it more like a union than anything. It started with him keeping bees, since they largely consent to their domestication by humans. He also writes children's books

Myles: Surprising no one, Myles goes on to completely dominate all fields scientific study, and probably invents several new ones. Because of his focus on his nutrition from a young age, he grows to be the tallest out of the Fowl siblings. He is also a massive foodie, and runs the kitchen like a military commander whenever they have events.

Angeline & Tim: I feel like they spend the rest of their lives absolutely devoted to one another, with Angeline going on to spear head many charitable causes, and Tim there simply to be her cheerleader.

Butler: Lets be honest now, Butler is never going to completely retire, but he does slow down a bit. He takes up running the estate and helping Artemis raise his family, becoming the unofficial extra grandpa of his principles children. He also takes up writing as a hobby, and you best believe his window boxes are always weed free.

Juliet: Of course Juliet has a very successful wrestler and goes onto international acclaim, after which she becomes a trainer for those trying to break into the industry. For some reason I think she would really do well as a foster parent, specialising in kids that need physical protection from those they have been removed from.

Holly: Holly would go onto greater and greater heights, punching and kicking the whole way. She would redefine ever aspect of the LEP through either major or minor elements. She would also absolutely terrify the council the whole time.

Foaly: Inventing, loving his wife, loving his kids (which he may or may not have. It certainly sounded like it in the Atlantis complex, but Eoin seems to have forgotten them past that point)

Mulch: Continues to dabble both in crime and solving crime for a good long while, and eventually publishes a very successful autobiography (the factuality of which is still debated long into the future).

No1: Not only is No1 a once in a generation warlock, but a once in a generation teacher, once in a generation councilman, once in a generation bad ass with way too many hobbies and a penchant for adopting any stray cats who look his way.

[infamous-if]

I don't know if you're serious with MC being a loser or not. Anons point out how MC is a wet rag then you either agree that MC is a loser or "defend" MC with (what you might think as) silly replies. Take for instance the post you just made.

What is it then? Because damn, why would anyone want to play as a character like MC. I don't want everyone to bow down to MC and worship the ground they walk on, but its difficult to not see MC as this world class fuck-up when even you, the author, are so flippant about them.

With how you respond to asks, I can't remember playing a game with an MC as pathetic as this one.

??????? Why would I be serious about MC being a loser if I have applauded MC’s perseverance multiple times. Have even defended MC’s with essays on how hard MC works and grinds just to make their dream come true with their best friends.

And how is MC a “world class fuckup”? 😭 What has MC done that would classify them as a fuck up? Not be famous right out the gate? They have a fanbase, a manager quit his job to manage them, and they’re on the biggest music show on TV right now. That’s far from being a fuck up, and they’re doing it at 26 years old which is super young.

I don’t think people realize how demoralizing the music industry could be, which is why some of MC’s thought process can skew a bit negative because the industry does value new and shiny things to commodify, but that’s not MC’s fault.

I’m confused on how this makes MC pathetic and a “fuck up” when they’re miles ahead of many people who try to achieve their dream.

The miscommunication lies in how seriously you take me calling MC a loser. I call everyone a loser. I’ve called Seven a loser. I call myself and my friends losers. If I’m not answering a question about the story and I’m being lighthearted with anons, you do not have to take my word as law! It’s just me making jokes, I promise.

I took the previous anon as MC seeing their band breaking up with seven leaving, their odds at BOTB not being very great, them being accused of cheating, and no one really being in their corner (right now) before as MC saying “we suck right now but I will keep going” and thinking “aw my little loser” that’s all. But it’s my fault, definitely, because that ask can be taken very different ways so I should be mindful of that next time.

Tone definitely doesn’t translate through text but I don’t actually think MC is a failure fuck up that you’re trying to imply. And I still don’t see how MC, in any way, is a fuck up.

Also, I am not a serious person by nature and I respond to humorous asks with equally humorous behavior but that’s on me. I tend to forget that people make take it differently.

[bratpak]

FLORIAN SANICO is the young, hot, and not rich CEO of ACIDIC RECORDS. He only acquired Acidic Records after his stepfather's passing in 2020. Being born in the Philippines in 1988 to a single mom, Florian grew up primarily raised by his grandparents until his mom found her future husband when Florian was just seven years old. Florian's stepfather would embody the term "the father that stepped up," immediately taking on the father role in Florian's life that the little boy so desperately wanted. When he was ten years old, Florian's father, a South Korean man, would relocate the family to South Korea for his work and to provide a better life for them, which he most certainly did. While in South Korea, Florian would attend the most expensive international school and the most prestigious universities there, obtaining degrees in business management, marketing, psychology, and international business.

Money has never been an issue for Florian if you can't tell.

Acidic Records was a mere side quest for his father, only housing underground indie soloists and producers. They never did anything noteworthy until Florian was appointed CEO in 2020, immediately opening auditions for their training program. Florian has always believed KPOP was where the money was, and his father was just too old to handle the times.

He was...almost right!

With the debut of BRATPACK in 2022, Florian found it much more difficult to break into the KPOP market than planned, initially losing a lot of money in the BRATPACK venture. However, with the group's rapidly rising success and album sales, Florian might not be such a failure after all.

ALMANDA SUMMERS is the alias of the creative director of BRATPACK. No one knows who she is or has ever seen her face. No one can find anything about this woman; seriously, she is a mystery.

Besides her Twitter account.

Almanda, believed to be a woman in her late twenties, is very active on Twitter and Instagram, often posting pictures of her visions for the group and commenting on recent events in the KPOP realm. Though she is quite loved by the fandom, some people believe she is an instigator and gets BRATPACK into drama they would've never gotten into if Almanda just turned her phone off.

Either way, her constantly running mouth doesn't derail her from being one of the most known and sought-after creative directors in KPOP at the moment. Bringing forth aesthetics and ideas the genre has never seen before or has left untouched for too long in her opinion, Almanda is an icon and legend in the making.

TONYA FUKUI is a former African-American—Japanese supermodel whose career was cut short due to a cheating scandal that had her dubbed "Japan's Hottest Homewrecker " for well over a decade now. Though her modeling career was done, she went behind the scenes and started working as a stylist for high-end clients, turned Jpop acts, and turned Kpop acts. Truly, she was just chasing where the money went to fund her purse addiction.

Tonya has worked with groups such as AESPA, NCT 127, NCT DREAM, RED VELVET, SHINEE, EXO, GOT7, STRAYKIDS, NMIXX, BLACKPINK, and many, many more. If you liked an outfit your favorite idol wore, Tonya most likely designed it for them.

Now, she primarily spends her time styling BRATPACK as she claims they let her be as creative as she wants. After years of being a punching bag for the general public, Tonya is finally adored again, mainly just people on BRATPACK Twitter, but hey! It's a start.

AUGUSTUS MOON is the main producer of BRATPACK. He began working in the KPOP industry at just seventeen years old when he and his sister, Autumn Moon, fled America and went to South Korea to get away from their abusive parents. Though Augustus has had some solo releases himself and has garnered a small following, he much prefers sticking behind the scenes as he says, "KPOP is not for me. I hate dancing." even though his Tiktok page will contradict that statement.

Augustus was born in 1995 in Chicago. He doesn't speak much about his time in America, deeming it "a test on if he really wanted to live or not" and saying his life only really started when he moved to South Korea and started making music.

Before exclusively working with Acidic Records and BRATPACK, Augustus would work with a wide variety of KPOP acts and make an even wider variety of songs. Some are phenomenal, and some are the worst things you've ever heard. Not every track can be a winner!

AUTUMN MOON is the main producer of BRATPACK and a part-time soloist. At sixteen, she fled America with her brother and moved to South Korea to get away from her abusive parents. Autumn and Augustus are glued at the hip. You'd swear they're twins by how in sync they are with one another.

Unlike her brother, Autumn is a soloist as well as a producer. However, she has seemingly put her own music career on the back burner to focus on BRATPACK and motherhood. That's right! Actual mother! Autumn has a nine-year-old son, Eunji, who she adores and loves dearly. She married her long-time boyfriend and PRIORITY member, Jang Kiha, last summer and is currently pregnant with their first child.

Autumn has been very open about her love for music and how happy working with BRATPACK makes her. Between her very fulfilling personal life and flourishing career, Autumn has attracted her own fanbase, calling her "Life Goals" and starting the trend of autumnism, where people try to live their lives like Autumn's.

Though her solo career, which only caught her attention once she decided to hang it up, has been put on halt, Autumn is very happy with where she is in life and adds a layer of hope to the BRATPACK team.

[animatedjen]

I'm curious, how long does it usually take you to take a picture in Survior? You post quite a bit, so I'd honestly be very interested in hearing about your overall process if ur willing to share. What decides what picture u take? Do u ever use the lights? (I have the vaguest knowledge about how to light subjects and I just can't get it propely in my head, so I personally find that a bit difficult, tbh. Both irl and otherwise.) Do u do something w them outside of the in game photomode, aside from cropping? Do u ever consciously think about composition like the golden ratio or the 3x3 grid? Do you spend a lot of time setting them up or is it more spontaneous? I'd love to know just bc I find myself very fascinated by them and I'd like to know what goes into them (:

- @frunbuns

Love these questions @frunbuns! Though I do genuinely wonder if I'm posting too much sometimes 🫠 Both because A) I don't want to swamp the Jedi tags, and B) it probably means I'm playing Survivor instead of sleeping and that's... not helpful haha.

Answers under the cut!

What decides what picture u take? Do you spend a lot of time setting them up or is it more spontaneous? - Sometimes I'll have a very specific idea (like the Cal silhouette photo or these portraits of Bode) so everyone gets posed and lit very intentionally. But most photos are "discovered" while exploring the environments, watching different character animations, etc. I'm constantly pausing and zooming in with photomode to see what a moment looks like.

I want to make a video tutorial that walks through the entire process (because describing this stuff with words is a struggle) so let me know if you have any specific questions!

Deciding on a photo theme or goal is helpful though. If I want to take photos of Cal and Merrin fighting together, I'll obnoxiously follow Merrin around and make sure Cal is near her while attacking the Jedha patrols. There'll be a bunch of duds and a few cool moments (and a bit of electrocution, sorry Cal)

Do u ever use the lights? - Always! The lights make a huge difference in photomode, but I know they're tricky to use. I posted a mini tutorial on lighting recently, but it goes through general concepts rather than any technical how-to. Definitely want to break down the process more in a video tutorial.

Do u do something w them outside of the in game photomode, aside from cropping? - I'll edit my favorite photos by adding more contrast, either from the built-in phone app or a photo editing software. This ask has a good before/after example.

Do u ever consciously think about composition like the golden ratio or the 3x3 grid? - Sometimes! I've been in the photo/video industry for almost nine years (oof that makes me feel old) so a lot of that experience probably shows up in my photomode compositions. I like shooting IRL portraits with a telephoto lens, so these virtual portraits are almost always at 3x-4x zoom to mimic that look.

Hope some of this is helpful! Survivor's photomode is really fun and I love seeing how other people use it 🙌

[lightofraye]

A Little Perspective

This may be lengthy and detailed and potentially triggering for some. I will be covering a number of possible points of view about things covering why Jensen hasn't left--and may never. (A prospective I'm not thrilled about, to be honest.)

So. Let's begin.

1) Abuse: This is double issue for Jensen. Potentially a triple. How do I mean? For instance, Jensen himself admitted his father beat him with a belt--and from the sound of it, a lot, while he was growing up, as Jensen knew thinner belts hurt more. Worse, his father said he did it "out of love", so there's that bad, unpleasant association right out the bat.

Plus, his mother... this is only speculation, an assumption. She either looked the other way and accepted the abuse, or she was a participant of the abuse and thought it was normal/acceptable. That too may color Jensen's perspective and not a good way either.

Then Jensen became a model... and the modeling industry is/was rife on abuse. A lot of stories come out later where those who quit the industry or endured it suffered a great deal of sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual abuse.... A "pretty boy" like Jensen likely would've suffered as well. I don't believe he's ever shared stories and he likely may never.

(Hi, toxic perception of men as victims again.)

I can't even begin about the sexual abuse that is rampant in Hollywood itself. Yes, women were largely targets, but as we've heard the last few years,... so have been men.

Hell, Jensen was sexually assaulted by Misha! It was used in a fucking gag reel! It's not funny! Jensen even said if he had known they were going to put it in the gag reel, he would've asked them not to. That to me speaks volumes.

There are brief stories out there. A PA witnessed Danneel slapping Jensen when she thought Jensen was flirting with the PA. (He wasn't; he's just that sweet.) There's another story of some restaurant goer who saw how harsh Danneel was bullying Jensen outside the restaurant.

He's... diminished. His baseline for normal is not the baseline for normal for non-abused people. His self-esteem, confidence, and ability to stand up for himself is heavily damaged. He doesn't know how to stand up for himself. Every time he has, he's been smacked down.

Yes, he can stand up for others time to time, but there are instances when he didn't and gave up in face of authority. (Mark Sheppard being demoted to guest star and losing pay and choosing to quit instead... only had Jared standing up for him in the end. Misha caved instantly and Jensen gave up as well.)

So what then does it mean for him and Danneel? Did she become abusive off the bat? No. That's not how abusers work. There were likely instances where she slipped and he mentally made excuses, ignored the red flags because that's how it tends to happen. Hindsight is ever perfect. Being in the heat of it, we tend to try and excuse, defend, or otherwise rewrite it in our minds. We don't want to think of it as normal.

Then once they were married, Danneel began to let that completely slip and fall, and he was "trapped". The cycle continues. By now he thinks of it as normal, acceptable, maybe impossible to escape. He has likely been told no one would want him. He's "middle-aged", damaged goods. This has also been told to female victims and it's hard to break that mindset too. It's hard to find strength to completely break free when you've been fed insidious lies since childhood.

It's a trap. A difficult trap to break. Can it happen? Yes. But it's very, very hard.

2. Blackmail: This one can fall under two very different categories. One, the abuse one. Where the children (I've mentioned this before) are being used as hostages to guarantee Jensen's continued marriage to Danneel. As in, "If you divorce me, I'll make sure you never see the kids again!" It's a common threat, to boot.

Despite what some people have said, I believe Jensen loves his children. Yes, "especially" JJ, but I believe he loves all three. He may not be home a lot to see them, but he loves them. He would like to keep that access to them. It may be he believes Danneel's threat, and I'm sure there's some who believe it'd be "easy" for a woman to make such a threat and keep it.

Here's a hint, folks. The truth to that lie. If a father asks for full custody of the children in a divorce, they usually get that request granted, no matter what. But most of them don't ask for that, and so, the parent that does ask gets it granted. So... if a husband and wife vie against each other and both ask, guess who wins? The father.

Most fathers don't think to ask because of the perception of mothers always win. Mothers are the ones who should be responsible for children. And so forth.

Regardless... Jensen likely might believe that threat and feels some access is better than none.

Then the other kind of blackmail. Note: I do not believe nearly all that I'm about to write. This is purely speculative and a number of possible blackmail that Danneel might have over him.

There's the J2 tinhat rumors. I could see why those rumors lasted as long as they have. I've seen the stories, the posts, photos, watched them in conventions. It's entirely possible that Jared and Jensen did have some romantic/sexual relationship for a time. Maybe even after they got married to Genevieve and Danneel, it might have continued.

It could be Genevieve just accepted it and when it ended (as there was a gradual separation even before the whole The Winchesters/Prequelgate debacle), Jared and Gen were okay. Danneel... however... might not have been as okay with it as she indicated. Her posts over the years, where she tried to make it seem she and Jensen were together when fan photos and such came out at the same time of Jensen and Jared together, might've been wildly embarrassed by it all. She might not have been as okay with it as Genevieve was and just collected evidence to hold over Jensen's head.

After all, sadly, Hollywood still isn't as accepting of LGBTQ as we'd like. When actors come out, their careers usually don't continue, out of the weird perception that gay men can't act straight. (When I hear that, I look at Matt Bomer and go "Are you sure?!" I believed Bomer was a charming straight man even after he came out--his character on White Collar was awesome!)

So there's that possibility.

Then there's the orgies rumor we've heard about in the past. Or rather that one tweet that led to a threat of a lawsuit--which sadly made it valid and legitimate. Danneel really didn't know how to let a rumor die. It might make her look weird and bad too, but her career has been nonexistent for a long time and her reputation has already been destroyed by her own actions. It wouldn't hurt her nearly as much as it might hurt Jensen.

Then there's other possible vices. Alcoholism seems to be the more... "acceptable" of vices. As is smoking. If an actor is an alcoholic, they just go to rehab, get help, and be fine. But for someone who is self-conscious about their image, it might be more difficult to accept. Being seen drunk time to time is not the same as being an alcoholic, after all.

The same goes for drugs. Not that rumor has been very well-known, but it can exist.

Then there's the blackmail of affairs. In Hollywood, affairs and flings are considered a part of the life. They happen. Couples that are apart for a while time to time may dabble in affairs and flings. Even with co-stars. This happens too. More than most would like. (The more infamous one would be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Others have happened too. It's just common and accepted. Anyone saying otherwise is just wrong.)

Again, image-conscious and wanting to push the solid love marriage, this could be damaging. Even if Danneel hadn't really made it much of a secret that she's been having an on-and-off affair with Steve... it's still different. I repeat: she has no career or reputation to destroy. Jensen does.

Even if Hollywood wouldn't give that big of a damn about it.

3. PR Marriage: Now I know this has been pushed by other antis, and even suggested to me, but I find myself... hesitating on it. If it was in fact a PR marriage, why would he tolerate the abuse at all? Surely there'd be something in the contract about demeaning him and belittling him? It doesn't fit.

And there should have been protection over mistreatment or not fulfilling parts of it. I don't know... it doesn't quite fit. Not for me.

--

This was a long, long essay. I knew it would be, and it was still hard to write parts of it.

I want to end it with another point.

Female on male violence is often portrayed as a joke. Wedding Crashers had a female on male rape and it was a joke, a comedy bit. The one time I remember seeing such a scenario used on Law and Order: SVU, the male victim wasn't believed because he was a man and should have been able to overpower the woman.

Like it's expected of men to be able to just beat the shit out of their abusive partners... as though no one realized that if come upon by the police, any bruises on her would be taken more seriously than over him! Even if he had bruises too! Unless there's video evidence of physical abuse on him, anything else is considered... a joke. Impossible.

What's sad is that this too is an aspect of misogyny. Men are expected to be able to overpower women, so when a man is "taking" abuse and not fighting back, it's another part of misogyny. Because he's "lesser" than a woman, and that's shameful.

We have a lot of growing to do as a society. We need to realize that just because one person is making the money does not mean they hold all the power. We've only begun to see the problems of abuse, and all the areas it covers.

There's physical abuse, the one most commonly known. Then sexual, the second commonly known. The lesser recognized are financial (unless a person is a senior citizen, then it's considered a legitimate crime), and mental and emotional being the least known or recognized (only considered legitimate if done on a child and with proof).

Until we end the toxic expectations of men, and yes, women, and realize anyone can be a victim, and that we all, as a whole, deserve respect... we have a long way to go.

Just remember: It begins with you. It begins with us.

[zooophagous]

Im so sorry if you’ve been asked this, but would you have advice for people wanting to look at breaking into the tattoo game? What was the process like?

I won't lie to you anon, getting into the tattoo industry legally and safely is a very competetive game that has a high drop out rate. The way you get into it also heavily depends on where you live, as the laws governing tattoos change not only from state to state but even city to city.

For example, in some states you're required to have a 2 year college degree from an accredited school to earn a license, and you can actually major in tattooing the same way someone might go to cosmetology school.

Where I am, and in most places I've heard, however- tattooing is taught from master to apprentice, and you typically learn on the job.

Apprenticeships are hard to come by, lots of people want them, not a lot of shops offer them, and sometimes even if you get one a great tattooer can still be a lousy teacher. Many people will move shops at least once before finishing an apprenticeship, and apprentices usually are not paid, and will be shelling out for a lot of their own materials, so you'll either need someone supporting you or you'll need a backup job until you graduate.

Some places even charge people to teach them tutor style, but I don't personally agree with that form of apprenticeship and find it predatory. It's usually something like an unpaid internship that includes duties like cleaning, answering phones, handling bookings and other menial tasks in addition to the learning hours.

I personally got an in at a shop by working part time as counter staff, with no promise that a tattoo position would ever open up. I was able to ingratiate myself to the artists and one of them believed in me enough to train me. I did end up moving shop towards the end of my apprenticeship and finished learning under a different mentor, as my first one was no longer able to keep up with the responsibility of a student.

It's a very fun, very worthwhile career path and I honestly believe if I hadn't found it I would be either dead or on death's door by now because corporate life was slowly destroying my mind, body and soul. But I won't lie, the bullshit hurdle to get there is a steep one. You have to be incredibly stubborn.

This is why the trend of ignorant style tattoos done by tiktokers with Amazon machines is so prevalent, because the actual legitimate path is a difficult one.

I don't say this to discourage you or anyone else who wants in the industry. It's a great industry that's gotten way more friendly and has way more mass appeal than it used to. I mostly say it to let people know the path to employment is not a straightforward one and that the high polished glamor of social media tattoo artists don't show you how many months or even years of crap you have to wade through to get to their point.

[hwaightme]

Your fan, Mingi (part 1)

(pt.2 here) (your fan ml)

🎤 pairing: mingi x rapper!reader 🎤 genre: slice of life, mix of fluff and angst, music and the industry, slow burn 🎤 summary: a bulletpoint-style wordstream of what it would be like if mingi was stanning you 🎤 wordcount: 3.4k 🎤 warnings/tags: language, reader is an underground rapper, mingi is totally starstruck, producer hongjoong energy, activism, criticism of music industry, dark side of idol life, hongjoong-ah instead of hyung, yunho is supportive friend (TM), mingi being a rebel, sneaking out, potential rap battles incoming, reader with that mic drop, let me know if anything else 🎤 a/n: Hello there <3 thank you very much for your support, feedback and appreciation, it means the world to me! Here is the next installation of the "Your fan, _____" series, for none other than Song Mingi!! Any reblogs, asks and love is appreciated!

You were an established independent artist, having made a name for yourself among the real veterans and rap appreciators.

Years of tracks, freestyles and collaborations that you had published or appeared in under your belt, you were dead set on making a permanent home in the underground scene, deeming it to be the place where real art was made.

As such, you had openly turned down offers to get signed to bigger labels, spitting on their fineprint.

Besides, after trying to connect with you over music, they had always immediately veered off the trail to discuss image, visuals and something or other about them helping you develop your own style.

Blocked without a second thought. What bullshit was this? You? Not having your own style? Please.

You made it this far riding your own wave, making your own connections, and you sure as hell were not about to sell that off to entertainment industry vultures.

It was the managers, the bureaucrats that you did not want to face. The casting directors with ulterior motives.

You were an activist for creative freedom and helping new artists break through properly. You were vocal about these issues, both in general and through music.

You had first hand experience with how hard it was to become an idol, having actually been cast as a young teen and being a trainee for 2 years, but it turned out that the agency was... questionable, to say the least. And thus your independent journey started, and your doubt of any larger music-related organisations grew.

And the last thing you wanted was to, in front of all those people you were fighting for, who trusted you and saw you as a role model, support those who had questionable intentions. No.

You were a wildfire, spinning things around, remixing reality into raw and emotional lines, your only goal being that at least one person out there could find comfort in your songs.

Fully aware of the responsibility you had as an artist, you breathed your work and never backed down until just conditions for all collaborators, agents and assistants were met.

Though this was honourable, you became notoriously difficult to work with, often deemed to be a pain in the ass.

You would only shrug at that - it wasn't your fault that the music industry was full of self-centred manipulators. Your agent kept assuring you that you were exaggerating, but who said that a nice person couldn't have malicious intent?

Maybe you were overly cautious at times, seeing as you did not enjoy letting people close to you.

Were you alone? No, not at all. You had strong friendships with some legends, attended major events, hell, even gave whole press conferences and readily used the media to spread your message.

You even had some friends who were idols (albeit few), and connected with them deeply over shared passions and visions for the future.

But your soul? Strictly off limits.

Though you did, when the moment called for it, elaborate on one verse or other, either giving it a relatable backstory or linking it to a national or global issue, not once did you bare all.

That was not your style.

Neither was it your fans'.

They did not need to be spoon-fed pretentious monologues to understand.

Your fans were a real unit, many connecting with each other and becoming life-long friends. Since you never tried to gather the bigger venues, even if you were touring the country, you had a chance to interact with them. Reassure them. Connect with them. Human to human.

You understood each other. No accessories. That was the most powerful way to bare all.

It was through these concerts that Mingi had gotten to know you, and soon enough you had become his idol, for the lack of a better word, and muse.

One time he had snuck out of the dorms late at night having heard that a new artist he had heard and liked the sound of was going to be opening for another artist.

By sheer luck he managed to swipe the last ticket available, hours before the concert, and was off, having only alerted Yunho that he was "going out".

The event was held at a club, which technically was forbidden for him, but he was feeling rebellious and wanted to immerse himself in the underground atmosphere for once.

He had to squeeze past many bodies to take his place by a pillar off to the left. There were no seats, as he had expected so he perched himself against the structure, waiting.

The opening act was pretty good, as he had hoped, with the teenage boy on stage having a confident flow. There was that yearning in his eyes, hope for something bigger, like this venue was not enough, but maybe with some time and practice that dream could be achieved.

Mingi was about to leave, turning to try and snake through the crowd that was practically pressing him into the pillar, but their screaming that turned into a hypnotic chant, cult-like made him freeze and turn back.

And there you were. In all your glory. Sitting on a high stool that you had dragged after yourself onto the stage, a wired microphone in your hands that were folded in prayer as you bowed your head repeatedly to the audience.

A single spotlight illuminated your form, clad in pitch black industrial-style trousers, chunky sneakers and matching jacket that was zipped up half-way revealing a black tank top loosely hanging off you.

The aura that spread from the stage into the room was unlike anything he had ever felt before, and it only got stronger as you began to perform.

And not just run through the lines as if you had somewhere better to be, no, you were living through the song, riding the beat, eyes ablaze.

The song you had started with, (which he later found out was something you had written in response to some hate your fanbase had gotten), called "Welcome home, to the show", started with a low hum. It reminded him of a rumbling thunder, your voice distorted by intentionally added digital noise.

Then, you broke into a quiet mutter, each phrase so perfectly constructed that it was sending wave after wave, and he was being swept in. He looked around and noticed that all present were whispering along with you, eyes not leaving the stage a single time.

He was also in shock at how few phones there were, being used to seeing thousands.

And after a few more bars, all hell broke loose, and he was ready to rip his heart out and give it to you then and there.

You were captivating, your message and vision resonating beyond the walls of this club. Connecting philosophy, ethics, even politics and popular culture, you were the truth.

You were alive and resurrected those who had broken away from routine to see you.

The concert was as though you were telling a gripping saga, in one breath. No wonder your fans were near mad towards the end, while you finished up with a 'classic' of yours.

The audience begged for an encore.

You were smiling wide, pure ecstasy on your face like you were just coming down from a high. The jacket had long been forgotten, and you were currently wiping sweat off your tattooed arms.

And just when your fans began to quieten down, you raised your mic, and in one motion summoned a beat.

Another roar erupted as you admired your followers. Mingi swore you locked eyes with him, piercing his body.

There it was. A freestyle where you managed to incorporate an impossible flow change, and personally addressed some of the fans you knew personally and spotted in the audience.

After the performance, there was a near total flip in your demeanour. Mingi observed as you settled on one of the seats at the bar, changed in a different top and now sporting a beanie

Both you and your fans were beyond respectful, sharing embraces and kind words like you were old friends. Maybe you were, he still had so much to learn. You looked at each one of them like they were your entire world, recalling and asking about personal troubles they had shared with you before.

Mingi was starstruck, he wanted to learn what you knew. Learn what drove you. Learn how to be like you, even just a fraction.

And that was how you became his definition of an artist, rapper and role model

Needless to say, after the concert he could not just ‘stay the same’.

The members noticed that Mingi was walking around the dorm, travelling and even taking breaks between schedules with earphones in and eyes glued to his screen.

He had also grown to prefer being immersed in his thoughts, more often observing chaos among the members rather than participating in it.

The collection of changes began to alarm the others, as they had no clue what the source of this Mingi switch up was.

All except Yunho, that was. The lad quickly put two and two together, since he was in the know about Mingi's escape to attend a concert, and was homie goals to not spill this information to the others as there had not been any press or spottings.

So during a day when the group was miraculously free, Yunho approached Mingi to go for a drive together, and the latter not suspecting the interrogation incoming, agreed.

While they were navigating around the city, eventually settling for their final destination to be a quick visit to Bucheon, Yunho, passively, in an even tone, inquired:

"So what happened that night?"

Fully not expecting Mingi to BURST. The boy was literally bouncing in his seat recounting the experience, to the point where Yunho had to use "the mom hand" to try calming his best friend.

After agreeing to not act like a car crash risk, Mingi delved into explaining why exactly he had been acting the way he was, happily answering any and all questions that came his way.

Really, he was waiting to fanboy all this time.

He took out his phone and attempted to show Yunho some screenshots and notes, once again forgetting that road safety was a thing that existed.

"Man you really want to Tokyo Drift off this bridge huh?"

So he spent the rest of the drive reading out extensive analysis he had conducted, picking apart your rap and diving into what everything could potentially mean, how the rhyme and structure worked and how he could potentially take some patterns to experiment with.

Yunho was in awe - he could not get enough of professional Mingi, so he was more than happy to hear that he found such a good role model.

It was that sparkle in his friends eyes, the grin that would not leave his face as he talked about a rare video he found on YouTube of you freestyling during a radio show, his pride as he exclaimed that he had found some of your earliest recordings in the depths of SoundCloud, diving into babbling away about how your sound, though had always been unique, had indeed evolved over time.

To Mingi, you were a daring character, not caring for the blueprints or trends, and inspired him to work harder than ever before, hone his skills further so that he could enjoy the music as much as you did. He wanted to live every line.

He already had the ability to feel the music coursing through his body, and move impeccably to every beat, but there was something indescribable about how you created your creations, something unreachable, that drew Mingi in.

He desperately wanted to crack the code - maybe in a way of natural competition, as he was also in the music industry, hell, also a rapper, but when he tried that theory on it did not sit well. Mingi did not see himself ever having even an echo of a thought to surpass you or wrong you – to him, you were in your own unique realm.

The young man had nothing but respect for you and wanted to simply translate that into a deeper understanding of your skills. He knew far too well just how hard it was to make performances like yours appear effortless.

As he listened and listened to studio recordings and compared them to the live versions he had replaying in his head, he noticed how you had even changed up the emotional landscape for the specific audience. There was no limit to how much variability there was.

Seeing how he had won over Yunho and even got him into being one of your listeners, albeit more casual, Mingi became even more bold about his passion for your music and his professional growth.

So, day in, day out he had begun to learn some of your rap, slowing it down, trying to repeat it after you. He had attempted to record himself on his phone to review progress, and then, for the final challenge… he needed Hongjoong’s help.

Upon hearing that the younger member wanted to go to the recording studio Hongjoong quite literally shot up from his sprawled position on the floor, dropping his paint brushes (much to Seonghwa’s rising discontent) and rushing to get ready.

He knew that when inspiration struck, it was a race against time to try recording anything.

Once they were in the studio and Hongjoong checked that all equipment worked, Mingi decided to sit him down and elaborate on what he wanted to do and why.

What he did not expect, however, was for Hongjoong to have a smug expression on his face, leaning back as if he… knew something. And knew it so well that it seemed he could maybe even fact check the information he was being given.

Soon enough, Mingi stopped his monologue to stare his captain down, eyebrow raised.

“Do you want me to text them?”

Mingi.exe stopped working.

What did Hongjoong mean by that? That he could text you? Did he mean to message you on social media? Or to try reaching out to you indirectly through management perhaps? That all seemed more realistic-

“No, for real, I have her number, lucky for you we are what one could consider friends.”

Mingi felt as though he was on some hidden camera prank show, quite literally turning his head to check if that was the case. When the first wave of shock did pass, he managed to mumble:

“But… how? How did you meet?”

“At a speaker and networking event, of all places. It was one dedicated to fusion of different disciplines that fall under the umbrella of creative arts, a few months back.”

“Oh, I think I remember! And wait wasn’t it the event where you presented about combining fashion and music and stuff like that, right?”

“Yes, exactly. So, really, it wasn’t a talk that I exclusively gave. There were a couple of others on the stage with me, and it was like a panel discussion. And guess who was one of the guests there? Your new celebrity crush! We had talked previously on occasion, but after that panel it was a 180 flip.”

“And that is when you got her… number?”

“Yeah. She gave it to me.”

Mingi did not want to admit but he was experiencing an odd pang of jealousy, at how serendipity had led you to Hongjoong and not him. How the older member could consider himself a friend of yours, but Mingi was just a fan. But he could not stay in this state for long – after all, this second level connection was an opportunity. He was sure to be able to reach you now.

A silence fell over the two members.

Hongjoong finally broke the silence with a chuckle, returning to what Mingi had been meaning to do:

“So, you want to record a cover, right? Or what was it again?”

“Yep… there is that one track. From her second album. ‘Dum Spiro Spero’. It blew me away. The title means 'While I breathe, I hope', and it tells a story of a child dreaming of making it on the big stage and working hard, and then finishes with them achieving it. When I first heard it... it just spoke to me."

Hongjoong shifted in his seat and moved to search up the track on the studio computer. Once on, he began to nod his head to the entrancing beat.

“This one is one of the less known ones, isn’t it? How did you come across it?”

“Setl-” Mingi slapped his hand over his mouth, realising that he may or may not have just exposed himself and set himself up for the scolding of a lifetime.

“Setl… setlist? SETLIST? Song Mingi… Are you meaning to tell me that you attended a public concert… without telling anyone?”

Mingi contemplated whether he wanted to drag Yunho into this, but chose not to as he merely lowered his head and gave Hongjoong a sheepish smile.

“Mmm… perhaps?”

“Boy, I don’t even need to ask you to come to my room, everything’s prepped already. You are about to get that breath knocked out of you Mingi.” Hongjoong’s expression darkened as he stood up to approach the younger man. But then the latter had the audacity to stand up too.

Ah, the benefits of having a height advantage. “You were saying?”

“Listen here you big little shit-”

After indeed having to listen through an extensive collection of colourful words and a stern warning to never do such risky things (at least without Hongjoong knowing) ever again, they moved to recording the cover.

Since they did not have the instrumental for your track, Hongjoong had laid a beat that was similar and, in front of Mingi’s very eyes sent you a message asking if it was okay to even attempt to do what they were about to do.

Midway through recording, the phone buzzed with a simple offer. To come to your studio so that the three of you could make something even better.

If it was possible for a human being to literally light up a room, Mingi was sure to be the brightest star. Glowing, he stepped out of the booth, mouth wide open, morphing into the most adorable grin.

"Is... that... is that really them?"

"Yep, and you should be getting added to a group chat right... now."

His phone dinged, and he could not believe his eyes. It was a number, your number, on his screen, a notification saying that he was added to 'triple threat trio' and a quick text of you informing that this, indeed was yourself and no one else.

Hongjoong was genuinely afraid that Mingi was going to hit the ceiling because he jumped that high.

A giggly mess, the young rapper and your fan fell back onto the sofa behind where Hongjoong was seated, and typed out a response introducing himself and adding that he really liked your work.

"HYUNG SHE SAYS SHE LIKES OUR WORK TOO AHH"

"You know I sent her some of the tracks from our album before they were even officially released, right?"

"You did what now?"

"Yeah, but don't worry it was just snippets and I had it cleared with the producer. He knows her too so it was easy enough."

"WHY WAS I IN THE DARK ABOUT THIS!!!?"

"BECAUSE YOU NEVER ASKED?"

"I am going to stop calling you hyung I have not an ounce of respect left-"

"Now that's too far boy one more word and I am asking Y/N to write a diss track about you."

"And I would thank you, HONGJOONG" he exclaimed, still beaming, making a run for it out of the studio and into the corridor, the captain hot on his heels.

The only thing on his mind was that he was going to be recording with you. He would be able to hear you, basically one on one, doing what you did best. And on top of that, you would be creating art together.

[kmgkmg]

BACK TO US - 13. EPILOGUE

prev┊ masterlist┊

---- after credits ----

✧ y/n: found a new job from one of the companies they wanted to work at when they were in undergrad. the company is drastically different from their previous workplace, but in the best way. coincidentally only ten minutes away from the hong's clinic which makes it very convenient for them to grab lunch with joshua occasionally. who are we kidding, occasionally is really every single day. still works some summers as a counselor to help soonyoung out when he doesn't get enough new hires. 

✧ joshua: stopped partying as much with mingyu after the summer. went back to working with his mom at the clinic! his mom was pleased to see him clean up his act, but she was ecstatic when she noticed him come back from his lunch break once and saw you in your car driving away. she shipped the two of you since you were kids, not that she would ever tell either of you. 

✧ soonyoung: changed his approach with hiring new counselors after this summer. his pitch? not only did you get to work with kids 24/7, you also had the chance to fall in love !! soonyoung would even go as far as having your and joshua's faces on a very badly edited instagram ad.... he would post it on his story before both of you made him take it down.

✧ chan: continued dancing at pledis studios and started having a one-sided crush on a newly hired choreographer! when camp wasn't in session, the thots and prayers gc tried (and was mostly successful with) meeting weekly.

✧ hansol: his tiktok videos really started taking off, getting a minimum of 3 million views per vid. he started collabing with really big names in the rap industry like a$ap rocky and stormzy! each track he released were absolute hits and stayed on charts for months! despite all this newfound fame, he remained relatively normal. fans loved seeing his laidback attitude towards life and how regularly he lived his day-to-day. like wym you met him seeing the new spiderman movie? wymmmm he was spotted bumping pinkpantheress and shygirl on the way to the laundromat?

a/n: and that concludes my first series! thank you to everyone that read this story <3 i definitely found the ending the most difficult since with oneshots i can imagine it better...but the buildup for this series kept me doubting and rewriting things. anyways, i hope the ending and epilogue were fulfilling!

taglist: @kthpurplesyou, @kokoiinuts, @fairywriter-oracle, @cookiehaos, @miruac, @fairybinie, @strawberri-uyu, @minghaossv, @wonwoos-wineparty, @minhui896, @tytrackfebreze

[magicantare]

mmc magical girl AU lore dump:

The year is 20XX. The world is slowly approaching a post-scarcity utopia supported by unprecedented advances in technology and science. Quantum and classical physics have been united, asteroid mining has made electronic components cheap and abundant, medical technology guarantees a higher quality of life, and most recently, inorganic matter has been able to be converted into data and back.

Dr. Light and Dr. Wily developed a “robotic support system”, a type of protective suit integrated with incredibly advanced robotic tools for specific dangerous tasks, like rescues, handling hazardous material, or performing tasks in extreme environments. Light wants the suits to be used to help advance the frontiers of science, while Wily is more interested in its military applications despite large-scale conflicts being minimal in the present day. These support systems are integrated into the body to the point that removing them requires special equipment (think like an HEV suit), but the suits themselves are very powerful and cutting-edge. Light’s proposal to use them for scientific reasons is what ultimately wins out, and Wily is shunned for pushing for military use. Soon after this, Wily simply vanishes without a trace, which bothers Light but he can’t do anything about it.

At some point Light saves his oldest son, Blues, from dying of a heart condition with a suit prototype (LRSS-000) that regulates his heart rate and provides strength for his weakened body, but Blues had already accepted his death and doesn’t take having his body tampered with super well and ends up leaving home. Light creates generic support systems in the form of LRSS-001 and 002, proving the non-weaponized potential that the support system has, where his twin children Rock and Roll happily volunteer to demonstrate them with great success. Light then deploys LRSS-003 to 008 with handpicked candidates, qualified university graduates and trade employees, for use in scientific and industrial fields.

Wily shows up some years later and declares war on the world with his own version of the robotic support system, and a handful of 20-somethings that he’s coerced/bribed/blackmailed into piloting them, calling them “Bion Masters”. The suits are ridiculously powerful and there are far less military resources out there than in modern day due to the general state of peace in the world, so nothing can stop them. Rock and Roll both volunteer themselves to fight against Wily, but Light can’t bear to let either of them face danger after nearly losing Blues. Though Light’s Bion Masters try their best to fight back, they don’t have the same weaponized capabilities that Wily’s do and are slowly defeated and abducted one by one, each disappearance further weighing on Light’s conscience.

The most egregious act comes when Wily and Shadow Man break into the Light residence and kidnap Rock and Roll and their support systems, absolutely shattering Light’s will to fight back. Before he vanishes, Rock tells his father that he can’t give up here and urges him to resist Wily for everyone’s sake.

Light makes the difficult decision to weaponize the second series of support systems he’s been developing and seek out people who have enough courage to take on Wily’s forces. He finds the first seven users relatively quickly, but the last support system, 016, has so much dangerous potential that Light hesitates to find a user for it…

Light’s (Current) Bion Masters:

LRSS-009 “Concrete Man”

Good Point: Gets the job done Bad Point: Self-righteous Likes: Fulfilling work Dislikes: Laziness

The support system was designed for construction. In battle, he’s most effective at backline support, civilian rescue and damage mitigation, but has quite a lot of raw physical strength for defense. Concrete Shot can immobilize enemies.

LRSS-010 “Tornado Man”

Good Point: Confident Bad Point: Slacker Likes: New experiences Dislikes: Working

The support system was designed for weather management and mitigating storm damage. In battle, he acts as the leader and has quick mobility, focusing on clearing out large groups of enemies and moving victims of Wily’s assaults to safe areas. Tornado Blow can throw even heavy enemies into the air and damage them upon impact with the ground.

LRSS-011 “Splash Woman”

Good Point: Hard worker Bad Point: Moody Likes: Self-care Dislikes: Having her time wasted

The support system was designed for rescuing shipwreck survivors. In battle, she can fight up-close and excels at underwater combat and has small fish-like robots she can call on for extra support. Laser Trident can cut cleanly through metal and destroy robotic enemies.

LRSS-012 “Plug Man”

Good Point: Quick learner Bad Point: Over-exciteable Likes: Technology Dislikes: Boring tasks

The support system was designed for delicate but high-powered electronic manufacturing. In battle he’s a long-ranged fighter that can use both physical and electrical projectiles. Plug Ball can spread across surfaces and short-circuit any machines that aren’t hermetically sealed.

LRSS-013 “Jewel Man” Good Point: Stylish Bad Point: Self-Centered Likes: Interesting things Dislikes: Being rejected

The support system was designed for jewel mining. In battle, he’s a very fast and up-close brawler that can even claw metal apart. Jewel Satellite can protect him from energy shots and damage enemies on contact.

LRSS-014 “Hornet Man” Good Point: Compassionate Bad Point: Pushover Likes: Nature Dislikes: Selfishness

The support system was designed for botany and environmental science work. In battle, he’s primarily a backline fighter that provides remote support. Hornet Chaser can pursue enemies and pierce through metal with lasers.

LRSS-015 “Magma Man”

Good Point: Calm Bad Point: A little dense Likes: Traveling Dislikes: Staying indoors

The support system was designed for work in volcanic environments. In battle, he’s a very slow but powerful frontline fighter. Magma Bazooka can melt through metal armor with direct shots.

LRSS-016 “Galaxy Man” Good Point: Creative Bad Point: No people-skills Likes: Science Dislikes: Strangers

The support system was designed for performing spacewalks and maintenance on space stations and satellites. In battle, they’re highly mobile and can hit devastatingly hard, but are themself fragile. Black Hole Bomb can suck up pretty much anything that isn’t tied down or attached to the ground, so it can destroy huge groups of enemies at once.

...That's everything I have formally written down, at least, but I've also made a lot of offhand remarks when brainstorming for this.