#diet sabotage

[growmydarling]

i haven't really been *secretly* fattening you up...you just never noticed. all i did was kept your favorite foods at a lazy arm's reach, served your plate with double portions (and triple the butter) to my own, and kept you happy and secure. only subconsciously did you notice how my hand lingers on your lower stomach and only absent-mindedly did you realize your gut had started hanging out from under your old t-shirts. i didn't put the food in your mouth, you did. i didn't ask for thirds, you did. i didn't outgrow my widest pair of sweatpants, but you sure did. what i did do was infuse your life with love and cuddles and of course delicious food, which made your comfortable and self-confident and heavier than ever before. 💖

[athleticbelly]

You were once an athlete. Not the best one in your school, but your physique definitely portrayed you as one. Lean muscle, strong legs, and endurance to match. You ate a lot to keep up with that physical activity.

Then you went to college. Classes took priority and your diet never changed. Not by much. Some of the healthier meals were replaced with hot pockets and ramen. You tried to work out, but your physical activity diminished when your friend group grew. You spent so much time socializing and enjoying the company of friends that it was only a matter of time until that waistline stopped being so trim. Pants a little tighter, shirts lifting up a bit more, underwear cutting in a little to uncomfortably. It was only when you hit your second year that you realized you had been gaining weight.

Once it started to warm up for spring and you started putting on your tank top you noticed how difficult it was to bring below your navel. That soft mound of flesh that is starting to hide your feet is in the way. A prod here, a grab there, and you realize you have really put on some weight. Yes the panic sets in and you started to think on ways to lose it, but you had an appearance to maintain with your friends. So you bailed on spring break to try and workout. That's when you met me.

Of course I was also trying to lose weight and build an athletic figure, but you showed up and blew me away. I was a little chubby with a small potbelly and thicker thighs, but you definitely had me outclassed by 30+ pounds. Your belly hung over your belt buckle. Your developing second chin was almost prominent. You breathed so heavily that I felt mine leave me because you took my breath away. And I had to have you.

So I introduced myself. We talked and parted ways to other corners of the gym. Eventually, over a few weeks, we got closer and talked more. You lost some weight and so did I. We were both honestly very motivational to each other. You could fit in some of your early college outfits and I could fit into some of my old uniforms.

But I missed how big you were. We started dating and you were so easily molded. We built up such a rapport and you trusted me so much that you didn't realize I was upping your portions. Now, with you going to the gym you did pack on more muscle, but there was equal parts fat to go with it. Your abs forever being hidden by a layer of chub. Your biceps large, but ultimately soft. And that round face stayed round. It was only when one night you brought up that you couldn't seem to lose weight that I decided to lay down the bombshell statement;

"I love you at any size, and I wouldn't mind more of you to love~"

And that's when I had you. You were cautious at first. We talked about it and explained further how I love how fat you were and how you are now, but I did admit I would prefer if you were more fat than fit. And we came to an agreement. If you didn't enjoy being fat in a year's time then I have to help you lose weight. So, I helped you enjoy it!

I baked and cooked all of your meals. Made shakes with whey protein, bananas, and peanut butter to quicken your gains with some added buttermilk to speeden things up. And the amount of fat, sweaty sex that showed my appreciation for the art form that is your body. You grew so fast over the course of half a year. 95+ pounds later and you couldn't see your feet! Your belly rested halfway on your too thick thighs, and not to mention how difficult it was to get you in a chair. You started to long for my cooking and even begged at times for me to feed you. Unfortunately for my own figure I got overzealous and didn't realize you could only handle so much food and drink. So I had to have some of my own. And it made a lot of my outfits too tight. Button up shirts had to always be unbuttoned and I had to resort to stretchy waistbands for all of my pants.

And then the year mark came. You could barely move you were so obese. You forgot about the deal, but I didn't. I reminded you and now here you are. Wondering if you enjoy the state you are in. A nearly immobile monolith of fat.

So how does it feel~? Being a former athlete and now a product of a nurturing partner~

[rainyfestivalsweets]

2/8/24

Traps

So.... I need to vent, again.

This time about seemingly innocuous diet saboteurs.

For one thing- fucking Snapchat.

I have noticed that when I look at any of the snap subscription things (mainly gym/fitness related stuff) they fucking shove fast food ads in there.... and somehow it never seems to get to the title 'story' no matter how long you watch.

For Cripes sakes. One of the reasons I don't use that entertainment anymore is because of those fucking ads. So you want views? Match your fucking ads to what I need, like fucking Amazon does.

Know your audience, I absolutely don't want to see that shit. How about you show me some protein powder ads? As much as I despise Built bars, I would rather have ads for that than some bull shit food that NEVER tastes as good as the advertising looks. Seriously, FUCK OFF.

Another diet sabotage thing is when someone knows you are on a weight loss &/or health journey and they send you snaps or reels that reference fast food, mukbangs, or . Why would someone choose to inject that into your space? Do I really look like I am suffering from a lack of McDonald's? Cake memes? You think I don't know where the fucking cake lives? Come OOOOOON.

Please just don't. This is hard enough and this shit is fucking everywhere. It is inescapable in real life, I shouldn't need to be dodging bullshit from my friends and family.

What else?

Oh, if I say I have to go to so and so store for my favorite ice cream, Artic Zero, and you mention Dairy Queen, Culver's or Cold Stone.... seriously, fuck off. 😑

What is the difference? One is 1200 calories per serving (total guess, the bigger ones could be more) and has been known to cause me binges. Like, weeks long binges where I struggle to control what I consume, suffer blood sugar problems and literally spiral down into a vat of self hate and depreciation. One is 150 calories for a whole fucking pint, has protein and satisfies my craving. Pretty sure *I* know which one I want and what will make me feel better overall. Also- you think I don't know how amazing Cold Stone or Ben & Jerry's is?

I was over 300 pounds, as a relatively short woman.

I know where the fucking ice cream lives. 🙄

Getting healthier can be really fucking hard. Don't make it harder on your people, we are already goddamn struggling daily and we are not being confronted by your big Mac snaps.

Fuckers.

[popcosmi]

me sometime during the day.

[stonerbellybabe]

I’ve been working out and drinking those special protein shakes my boyfriend makes me; I don’t know why I just keep getting fatter 😰

[streave]

[whatsernameinouterspace]

I keep thinking about how I got to this point, because before I’ve always joked “I love food too much to have an ED!”, I love cooking and I’ve always described myself as a foodie. I love being creative with food, learning new skills and flavours, learning about the world and different cultures as I go. Every time I go abroad or have a city break, the first thing I do is look up the best food spots and get myself booked in. So how did this happen to me?

And then I realised it didn’t happen in one day- this was years in the making.

Joking about being “the fat friend” in high school and my friends laughing along with me.

My Mum, commenting how much weight I’d gained since being on the pill, loudly announcing she thought I needed size 16 leggings in a busy store and me blushing with embarrassment.

Going from size 8 jeans to size 14-16. I can no longer wear jeans. Even with loose cargos and leggings, my thighs rub holes between them within a few months.

My Nan, drunkenly telling me “you have gained a lot of weight, you know. I don’t mean that harshly, but you have”. I got pretty drunk after and tried to forget those words.

My ex, who cheated on me and told me the reason was because he no longer found me attractive because I’d gained too much weight. He told me he’d consider taking me back if I lost the weight. I declined food for two days before finally giving in again.

No longer buying spaghetti strap tops, skirts or shorts, because I was ashamed of the size of my upper arms, and my thighs chaff and bleed if wearing anything other than trousers.

Getting a tummy bug and losing 3kg- my partner hugged me a few days later and said “god, you’re so tiny!”.

Buying a new bra, and the shock of the waistband being 38, when only a few years prior I had been 30-32.

I realised I’ve had insecurity since perhaps 2014. It just took 10 years for me to finally snap.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

I was rewatching The Stone Forest and I really like to think that Hilda had to pass by the Bell Keeper’s outpost on her way out of the city limits. I like to think that idiot looked at what was happening, shrugged, and said ‘eh, she’s the scariest thing out there’

[growmydarling]

your local cafe is just around the corner, so you decide that walking a block will be sufficient exercise for your day as a remote worker. to replenish yourself from your measly 1000 steps, you order sugary coffees every time. extra whip on top, of course. your favorite barista notices. they notice how your hand always gravitates towards your thickening middle and slowly rubs at the chubby flesh there while your order. they've taken to adding heavy cream in to every drink. they watch as your growth takes on a sudden exponential speed. you're tugging at the bottom of your shirts, your stomach exposed and flopping out at the bottom. you're embarrassed but aroused. you compensate by doubling the pumps of caramel in your drink. you top it off with cream. you're such a slut for weight gain and you're fattening up like it's your second job. how long until the barista starts adding rapid weight gain powder into your drinks?

[suuuicide]

One of my patients ran into me after a couple years and she told me she was worried about me bc I “look too skinny”

That is going straight to my head and the motivation I need to keep st@rving

[mentalyardbelongingprincess2]

hit me and tell me you’re mine

i don’t know why but i like it

[sprit3-zer0]

How could I let myself get so fat? I was 39kg with 173cm. Now I am fucking 70,6kg. Why did I recover? It didn't even make me happy. I just wanted others to be proud so I ate. But they stop caring about you and loving you when you have a normal weight for a longer time.

[ravagedsoul]

I really thought that this time it’s going to be better but no. Its all coming back again, a fucking circle, winter ends, spring starts and im all back but each time in a worse state. Its like i can’t take control of my actions, I am not me, I do not know what’s happening. Its hilarious, no one knows about it but i do. I am really fucking scared of what can and will happen this time. It feels like im possessed. I know its the beginning i fucking feel it, i see it, it’s back. Please get me out of it, I am frightened of myself and tired.

[placetovent306]

Every time I try to get better, I realize that in the end, nothing feels better than self-destruction

[nyxtonothing]

bitches will really intentionally trigger themselves by stalking their ex's pinterest bc it's the only social you haven't blocked each other on.

it's me, I'm bitches.

nothing is a bigger appetite suppressant for me than the nauseating feeling from finding out I have the same aesthetic as them, and considering how many skinny and slim thick bitches were in their pins I'm pretty sure they're disordered too

edit: this is becoming kinda problematic I had a major episode last night about a bunch of shit that had happened and now they're on pinterest at the same time as me so I'm obsessively refreshing their page to see what they're doing or thinking about just to trigger myself more than I've already been and to punish myself in a way for anything I've ever done wrong...

I'm not gonna stop but at least I am very much self aware that this is completely insane

[1wannadi3]

There are less than 2 days left until my date and it feels too unreal, I only hope for one thing, to achieve it this time and if I didn't make it, it's because I'm really unlucky