#die hojo die

[salternateunreality2]

I humbly request some AGSZ being protective over Cloud 🐣

❤️🍊❤️ of course, my liege!

---------

Cloud, in the middle of a group of troopers: *sniffle, achoo!*

Angeal: *dadgeal.exe activated* Troopers! Halt for today! *Immediately starts preparing soup*

Trooper: Sir, it's noon...

Angeal: Lunchtime.

Trooper: Sir, it's the middle of summer and about a thousand degrees, may I ask why you're preparing soup?

Angeal: Lunchtime.

Trooper: And why there's enough for the entire squad?

Angeal: Lunchtime.

Trooper: And where you got it all?!?!?!

Angeal: L u n c h t I m e.

Cloud, in the background, muttering: 🤦 I got dust in my nose...

------------

Genesis: Cloud! No! *Dives in front of the bullet and takes it full force* C-Cloud...

Cloud: Genesis.

Genesis: Cloud, I bequeath my limited edition with the wing embossment to you, as well as my collection of quills...

Cloud: Genesis Rhapsodos.

Genesis: *cough* Remember me always, with fondness if you can...

Cloud: Genesis Staples Rhapsodos, get your heavy ass off of me, we're in the middle of a paintball war.

Genesis: But...I was shot? For you? This crimson flow staining my coat signifies that I have not long for this world?

Cloud: It's red paint. This is a training exercise. The hell are you doing out here anyway, wandering the desert to channel your inner muse and commune with the goddess?

Genesis: ...

Cloud: ...you are, aren't you?

Genesis: ...

Cloud: And let me guess, you didn't bring any water and are on the verge of hallucinating if you aren't there already?

Genesis: ...

Cloud: 🤦

----------------------

Cloud: So I need to follow through on the upswing more?

Hojo: Hello, Sephiroth.

Cloud: Who the fuck are you?! Why are you interrupting our conversation??

Sephiroth: Hojo.

Hojo: Well hello, trooper...Strife. Hmm. Interesting. Nibel blood, it seems...very interesting.

Cloud: THIS is Hojo? Gross.

Hojo: *vein popping out, reaches up to slap or touch or just scold Cloud*

Sephiroth: *CRUNCH*

Hojo: WHAT THE FUCK, YOU BROKE MY ARM?!?!

Sephiroth: Oops, thought I saw a pest. Some sort of bug. Bugging.

Hojo: AUGH! MARK MY WORDS, OFFSPRING, THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES! AUGH! *turns to go, trips, lands on Cloud's sword*

Cloud: oops. Guess I need more practice.

Hojo: *gurgle*

Cloud: Clearly, my follow through could use some work, hold on. Oops.

Hojo: ☠️

Sephiroth: I always recommend following up with a firaga, like so *FWOOSH*.

Cloud: Ah, I see, thanks Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: Anytime.

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Rando: Hey Strife, you gonna mosey that booty over here, cutie?

Cloud: Fuck off.

Rando: Come on, with a face like that and a-

Zack: Hey Rando. You clearly want something, Rando *makes a fist*. Maybe I can help you! Would you like ME to help you, Rando? I would be happy to help you, Rando. Any. Time. Any. Where.

Rando: Come on Fair, you're cool, you know he's a hot piece of-

Zack: Cloud, here. *Hands him a training dummy* Move 47, please.

Cloud: *rips its head off*

Zack: Rando, you want ME to help you, trust me. Or you want to figure your own shit out, FAST.

Zack: Ok?

Cloud: *goose energy expands*

Rando: *flees*

[foreststarflaime]

Me and @stargazing-zani were bored so have this list of what partner pokemon the ff7 crew would have

The Banora boys get the Applin variants. Genesis gets a Flapple and Angeal has an Appletun

Genesis also tries to deflect attention onto his much flashier Ceruledge in public tho

Angeal was also given an Aegislash by his father which he nicknamed Buster. Buster has seen too much as it’s passed down to Zack and then Cloud in turn, watching its partners suffer but unable to form the words to comfort them

Hojo tries and tries to get Sephiroth something big, ultra-powerful and intimidating, but Seph is set on the adorable Mew which found him and refused to leave his side. Still a mythical so Hojo lets him keep it but is very miffed

Cloud was adopted by a Galarian Zapdos bc chocobo. I don’t make the rules. I do feel like the character arc the Sobble line goes through fits him really well tho

Zack has an unevolved Rockruff for quite a while. When it eventually does evolve, no matter what time of day it is, it will inevitably evolve into Midday Lycanroc because Zack’s sunny personality is overwhelming

Aerith has a Tinkaton. They’re perfect for each other

I don’t know how to explain it but Mudsdale gives me Tifa vibes, also it was a powerhouse when I had it on my team and I love it

Hojo created a Mewtwo bc all other pokemon rejected him, but it immediately turned on its creator and murders him violently, preventing all problems and fixing everything without the need for time travel

Insane Seph got a Deoxys bc creepy alien. Maybe it is Jenova in this universe and starts corrupting him as soon as he gets it driving him insane

Rufus gets a Houndoom bc that’s basically what Darkstar is anyways

Cait Sith is basically just Meowth already, I don’t need to do much here. Maybe Perrserker to be the version from the Scotland area Pokemon game

Alternatively for Reeve I feel like Duraludon works, bc urban development and it reminds me of the Neo Midgar concepts

Heidegger gets either a Skuntank or a Granbull, idk which but vibes

Hehehe Vincent has a Cofagrigus

I bestow upon Yuffie the honor of Thievul. Loved it on my team and they both have the little shit vibes. She would also be an evil team grunt stealing everyone else’s pokemon tho, and honestly good for her go crazy Yuffie

I know for Kunsel it’s always the hack-y technology vibes. But consider. Always hiding behind a mask, never see his face. Mimikyu

Barret? Absol. Avalanche, impending disaster, perfect

I feel like Rude would like Urshifu

It would be absolutely hilarious to me then if Reno just had an Emolga

Scarlet with a Metagross

Why is Tseng so hard. Inteleon perhaps for the spy-y stuff

For Veld maybe a Wishiwashi for the Turk’s whole stronger in numbers found family thing

Oh dear god while writing this I thought too much about the implications of SOLDIER still existing in a world where pokemon battles replaced normal fighting. Maybe it was an experiment to splice human dna with pokemon to get humans to be able to fight using pokemon moves too? So like you go up against a SOLDIER, faint all 6 of their pokemon and think yay I’ve won, and then the SOLDIER just starts going after your pokemon themselves. They are their own 7th pokemon

[salternateunreality2]

I've written:

A novelette about killing Hojo.

A bunch of miscellaneous crack short stories, many of which include Hojo dying.

A novel where Hojo dies.

A novelette about the novel where Hojo dies.

A novel's worth of compiled short stories where Hojo often dies.

A novelette where Hojo hasn't died...yet.

I am pleased with myself.

When reading fanfic keep in mind that for professional literature: 

Short story: under 7,500

Novelette: between 7,500 and 17,500

Novella: between 17,500 and 40,000

Novel: over 40,000

Fics over 40k are literally a novel written and shared for free.  If you have written a 40k+ fic, you have literally written a novel.

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

I wanna laugh and say the Ghost/ExAid movie was the most un-serious thing i've ever seen but it was actually so stressful. Nice job writers!!

Putting this one under the cut cause I gave up on it lol:

[rosy-crow]

First Soldier Part 2

Wutai, most likely.

BABY ANGEAL WITH MINIROTH MY BOIS ARE HERE THEY’RE HERE AKSDHDHD—

Miniroth and The FUCKING Devil (his dad).

Our doomed son, ladies and gentlemen.

[marzipanladyart]

as we were dancing in the blue I was synchronized with you but now the sound of love is out of tune

[salternateunreality2]

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Dear Hojo,

Thank you for this excellent information, I am enlightened.

Thanks,

Salty

*prepares to distract him from food and poison his fish, mwahahahahhahaha*

Dear Hojo,

What diet sustains a sharp mind such as yours? Do you have any favorite snacks?

Thanks,

Salty

Dear Salty,

I find myself with very little appetite these days. There are far more pressing matters to attend to. If you really MUST know the contents of my diet, I would perhaps label myself as a pescatarian. Fish supplies the required nutrients to the brain, making for a sharp mind.

-H.

[yuseirra]

It's Plan A, right? No hesitation, right? We must live, right? If we're laughed at, we'll laugh it off Plan A Running away is winning

[christine-ye]

Hibiki's Puzzlun cards appreciation post

[ryanthel0ser]

Maybe they'll make Vincent and Sephiroth related this time <- EXTREMELY delusional, need to see a doctor

[artzybirdy]

You're safe now...

Cloud comforting Zack after having a night terror

[salternateunreality2]

Angeal is a good dad because of himself.

Genesis is a good dad despite himself.

Sephiroth is a good dad despite his circumstances.

Zack is a good dad because of his circumstances.

Cloud is a menace.

[fullbattleregalia]

When I’m writing, I don’t just have a Shoulder Angel and Shoulder Devil - I also have an Elbow Cthulhu, who elbows me in the ribs and goes, “You know how we could make this unnecessarily traumatic and dark?”

[projecthypocrisy]

Upcoming chapter on Written on Her Back... here's a snippet of the beginning - no spoilers and no beta cuz we die like a certain black-haired man. Helena has bitten waaaay more than she can chew.

"You'll find usefulness here," Hojo cackled, resting the scalpel on my eye. Yes, I will find usefulness here. I had lost favour with my back, weak and lacking constitution. I had failed to show my usefulness as a child; a child that had the world seemingly on her shoulders. The tattoo on my back… there lay a secret no one could crack so I was left to the wayside, forever looking in. It was only until recently I found favour in an unlikely place. "Welcome home, Helena," I could hear him whisper in my ear as images played behind my eyelids of gentle hugs and warm grass, somewhere in the fields of Junon - my home. But I was finally home albeit in his eyesight. I found my home again.

I opened my eyes after some time of twilight sleep. He was standing in the corner of the room by the door, keeping a watchful glare. I turned my back, whimpering as I did so. I wanted Kathe to rub my aching back, perhaps spreading some hydrocortisone on the raised skin. Sephiroth said nothing as I cried in his presence, my back crawling. "I will soon have the Black Materia in my possession," he said so matter-of-factly that I snapped in reaction, trying to push through his form and escape. He held me back, hand caught in my thick locks and pulling my chin slightly. He wanted me to look at him in the eyes, I refused, looking past him. "You'll offer the spell. That tattoo on your back is the key."

Now, we waited. I had succumbed to pain as he pierced my chest and lost consciousness. When I woke up, my hand desperately searching for the open wound, I noticed I was in a room and there was nothing - not even blood. But he was there. He was sitting at the foot of the bed, binding me to the bed. "You can scream all you want, no one will hear you. You can fight me, but you won't win. You can try to bargain, you're not going anywhere," he stated, snapping the bind across my ankle. I searched for the gap in my chest and only sensed a hollowness. I wasn't going anywhere and he was about to accomplish what he searched for since his death. He was beyond and I was here, in this empty room.

[h0jos-f4vorite-t3stsubject]

After watching gameplay of the rebirth demo up until the Nibel fire event, I have so much to say and I apologize how deranged I'll sound. (This is long I'm sorry)

Firstly: ASGDKFGSLDOAHDKHD *unholy crying screaming breaking walls*

Secondly: I love Sephiroth, I love him so much I'm one of those annoying mfers that believes I'm married to him. It's just objectively true and no one can tell me otherwise I can fix him. This was the first time I was actually, genuinely, 100% scared of him. His fall from grace, his breakdown, the pure rage and sadness and betrayl was so palpable and so real. The 180 he did from a respectable and heroic man to a bloodthirsty monster devoid of all sympathy was just so good.

3: the remake trilogy has an iron grip on my heart with its devotion to bringing realism and emotion to the once unvoiced, pixelated polygons of the 90s. The way they made "Cloud" act like Zack, with his voice lines and mannerism is just so nice, and how it glitches with Cloud's actual memories of what he experienced going back home (going to his mom's, going through Tifa's house, crawling towards his mom's burning house. And can I just say, what a dick Sephiroth can be. "Run, Cloud. You have to leave. You have to live." Those were his mother's words in her final moments. And Sephiroth taunted Cloud with them in remake.

D: the little details and reworking of old details is just amazing. Seph finally being pissed and fed up with Gast as he's the one that started the project that created him. The flashes of my favorite and most hated old man Hojo during the breakdown sequence as that is Sephiroth's primary abuser. The text in the books he reads having details blacked out, which makes me think that pushed Sephiroth even more to the point of him not knowing Lucrecia was his mother. Because her name was blacked out. I suspect Hojo did this, either thinking in advance about Sephiroth finding those books or sending people out to hide the details months or weeks before he was shipped out.

Bonus: the trailers for rebirth has me on edge. Cloud attacking Tifa? Aerith not dying? Zack still alive in parallel timeline? Why does Marlene know what will happen to Aerith? Why does the man that made my username the way it is keep popping up more and more? What's Hojo's involvement in the story? Are we finally going to save Aerith? I have theories and predictions.

Bonus 1: I really hope we don't save Aerith. I love her, but literally she had to die. The entire game was created with the message of loss and love, how much time are you spending with those you care about before they eventually pass on. Aerith's death was a sudden and sad one, but at the end of the game it was ultimately her and her influence in the lifestream that saved the planet (and I firmly believe that!! In the original game, Holy did what it could, but Meteor was stronger. The lifestream had to spawn and push it back, and it was stronger because of Aerith, her face showing up at the end of the game has me believing that. Literally she had to die or else the planet would die). Taking something as essential and plot driven as her death, while it'll be a twist, it ruins the message of the game of spending what little time you have left with your loved ones. I'd actually be more happy if Aerith was saved and then she turns and goes "What have you done? This wasn't supposed to happen. You shouldn't have saved me. You doomed us all."

Bonus 2: if the theory of the Sephiroth at the end of remake being a Sephiroth that is hyper aware of the timeline and trying to help us (the whole "Seven Seconds" thing being him warning Cloud of what to look out for), I have a strong feeling he might be on our side. Why else would he have his own playable section in the rebirth demo with his own character equip animations? Yes, I know he was playable in the og 7, but he wasn't as playable as this. Og didn't have the synergy mechanic either. Why does Cloud or "Cloud" have synergy with Sephiroth if it's just going to be wasted on one section of the game? I hope Sephiroth officially joins our party and becomes a whole playable endgame character.

Bonus 3: Hojo. The man, the trashy, the worst thing that has ever happened to the story of 7. His constant grip on the narrative so far has me thinking that we might actually get to see him at his peak. He's the center of everything, the fall of Sephiroth, the death of Vincent, the tragedy of Lucrecia, the start of the death of Zack. Hojo being aware of the whispers from remake, him seeing Sephiroth on his monitor, him laughing when Jenova's body was stolen, his little line in the rebirth trailer "This is the beginning of the end". Hojo knows something we don't and might be a more powerful villain because he's either planned ahead or worked in the details of this new timeline bullshit. Plus, with the intergrade dlc and its ties with deepground, I think Hojo will have a much MUCH bigger part to play with the remake trilogy and just maybe a Dirge of Cerberus remake. I can't wait to see how they build up my favorite lab rat.

[rosy-crow]

Hojo describing Twitter to Sephiroth like: