Tumgik
#didnt like my old post for it + i want my new followers to see my yellowfang design
mollyrocker · 6 months
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Reposting this ignore how bad the quality is
246 notes · View notes
berscrk · 7 months
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*screams into the void*
I’M BACK BITCHES
0 notes
norrizzandpia · 1 year
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Lando’s Biggest Fangirl (LN4)
Summary: It’s his girlfriend. Lando’s biggest fangirl is his girlfriend.
Warnings: language, sexual references???domestic lando 🧡🧡
Note: a filler while im super busy with school IM SORRY I COULDNT GET TO THE OSCAR CAUGHT IMAGINE TN BUT IT WILL HAPPEN TMRW I PROMISE. PROMISE.
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y/nnn ass.
Comments:
Ln4andop81 BYE WHAT IS THIS
mclaren slumped
landonorris BABE.
- mclarensgirly idk why but this comment is so cute to me i love bf lando
landonorris everything about this post is so concerning
- y/nnn wdym? I think its perf
- landonorris first of all when did you take that of me and second of all THE CAPTION???
- y/nnn first of all i took it when you were sleeping thats obvi and second of all i like your ass. whats wrong with that?
- landonorris honestly? Nothing
f1fan2 i didnt know i needed this until rn
oscarpiastri your and lando’s relationship scares me sm
- landonorris TF??? WE DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO YOU.
- y/nnn PASTRY???? I was starting to like you too.
- oscarpiastri y/n i dont think thats the way you talk to someone who has that pic of your bf sweating after getting out of his race car.
- y/nnn oscar. this is not a playful matter. hand. them. over.
- mclarensgirly YO OSCAR LEAK THOSE IM BEGGING YOU
- landonorris WHY ARE PEOPLE TAKING PICS OF ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT.
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y/nnn finally got that pic from oscar. safe to say my boyfriend’s teammate is in love with him.
Comments:
mclarensgirly THANK YOU FOR DROPPING THIS 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
ln4andop81 YOU ARE A GOD SEND.
landonorris yeah but im in love with you ❤️
- oscarpiastri WDYM “yeah” IM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU????
- y/nnn idk man this pic says something else
- mclarensgirly LANDOSCAR IRL???? AWWWW
- f1fan2 OMG THE SHIP IS SHIPPING 🤭🤭
- oscarpiastri NO.
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y/nnn FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. CHEWING ON THE WALLS. JUMPING UP AND DOWN. GIGGLING. SMACKING MY FIST AGAINST MY HEAD.
Comments:
landonorris WOW.
landonorris youve out done yourself with this caption
landonorris very vivid image of you absolutely going bonkers
- y/nnn thats the POINT hottie 😉😉
- mclarensgirly y/n calling him hottie lol shes just like us
oscarpiastri i want to block you
danielricciardo sometimes i wonder if ive followed the wrong account and this is just a 16 year old girl’s fan page
- y/nnn 16 year old me wouldve been feeling the same type of way as me now is.
- danielricciardo plz never say that again
- landonorris im so concerned
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y/nnn awww look at my baby he’s so cute and babygirl 🤭🤭
Comments:
mclarensgirly the versatility of this woman never fails to amaze me
landonorris the eyes never lie, chica
- y/nnn AWWWW CAUSE YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME IN THIS OMFG AWWWWWWWWWWW
- landonorris i can hear your giggling
- y/nnn im not surprised
mclaren our favorite couple (we are so glad we didn’t come across another violent post on your page) 🧡🧡🧡
- y/nnn dw we will be getting back to regular programming shortly <3
- mclaren take the phone away. landonorris
- landonorris im literally on the other side of the world idk how i can do that
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y/nnn BARK BARK 👹👹👹 GAHDAMN
Comments:
mclaren here we go again…
- y/nnn WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??? SAY NOTHING??????
- mclaren YES.
- y/nnn WELL THATS NOT AN OPTION.
landonorris well the barking is new!
- y/nnn you say it like youre scared
- landonorris thats cause i am.
oscarpiastri bro
danielricciardo ngl he looks good here
- y/nnn THANK. YOU.
- landonorris thanks dan
- y/nnn SO YOU THANK HIM AND NOT ME????
- landonorris YOU BARKED AT ME.
- y/nnn ITS THE PROPER RESPONSE.
- landonorris NO BABY IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT.
- f1fan2 their relationship is my roman empire
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landonorris giving it a try: GAHDAMNNN BABY 🥵
Comments:
mclarensgirly WOWIEEEE SHE DOESNT GET ENOUGH RECOGNITION
F1fan2 she makes me question my sexuality.
Liked by landonorris
ln4andop81 mother of god almighty my jaw is on the floor
mclarensgirly thank you lando for blessing my eyes with this
ln4andop81 SHES SUCH A GREEK GODDESS
y/nnn see i dont like it when you do it 😟
- landonorris are you actually kidding me.
- y/nnn why cant you just leave me to my delusions in peace???
- landonorris bc they arent delusions im literally your boyfriend
- y/nnn YUM SAY IT AGAIN 😩😩😩
- landonorris omfg
5K notes · View notes
maplesyrupsainz · 3 months
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˖⁺。˚⋆˙written in the stars | DR3˖⁺。˚⋆˙
pairing: daniel ricciardo x fem y/n reader (she/her)
genre: social media au
warnings: age gap!!
summary: in which you both meet after break ups and mend each other, or in which the world focuses on the wrong things about your relationship
a/n: kind of an old request i never got round to but i fear i need to break up all the charles reqs with some daniel 🙏 hope u enjoy LOL
request!!!: can i req daniel ricciardo age gap fanfic pls plssss
my masterlist
fc: ruby lynn
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twitter ->
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by yourbff, friend2, and others
yourusername girl's night 🍕
view all comments
yourbff girl what happened last night 😂
yourusername u know im the last person you should be expecting to remember that
yourbff oh okay valid
friend1 so much fun
yourusername ilysm
friend2 single life suits you babe
yourusername 😀 dont remind me
friend3 miss u wish i could've made it
yourusername soon u lil busy body!!!
yoursister interesting coping mechanism
yourusername learned from the best
yoursister 🤨 who me or mom
yourusername ...both
messages ->
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/
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instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
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liked by yourbff, yoursister, and others
yourbff so is he hot
yourusername YES. SO HOT
yourbff YESSSSS I TOLD U SO
yoursister and this is?
yourusername just a friend 😇
danielricciardo posted a story
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liked by landonorris, f1gossip, and others
user1 helloooo???
user2 didnt u & heidi break up??
user3 is this heidi or a different girl
user4 i knew u & heidi didnt break up!!!
user5 so cute
landonorris and who is this?
danielricciardo 🤫
twitter ->
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messages ->
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instagram ->
yourusername posted a story
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liked by danielricciardo, landonorris, and others
yourbff HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
yoursister happy birthday my angel :)
friend1 haps baps gorgeous
friend2 hbd
friend3 cant wait to see u later!!!
danielricciardo happy birthday❤️
messages ->
txts between daniel & lando !!
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instagram ->
yourusername
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liked by danielricciardo, yourbff, and others
yourusername it's my party i'll cry if i want to
view all comments
user14 omg??? @.user15 look at this
user15 wtf how did u find this
user14 i jus noticed lando AND charles both followed her recently
user16 yo we got a detective over here
user17 SHE'S 22 YRS OLD???
user18 wowwww so young happy birthday i guess
user19 daniel is dating a 22 yr old...?
user20 kind of weird no
yourbff the most gorgeous girl
yourusername i love u
friend1 WOWWW im in love with you
liked by yourusername
danielricciardo hope you had the best time ❤️
yourusername oh i did, tysm for coming!!
user21 what if they're just friends
user22 😂 yea righttttt
twitter ->
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instagram ->
f1gossip
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liked by user20, user3, yourbff, and others
f1gossip daniel ricciardo spotted with rumoured new partner 22 year old y/n y/l/n. the two have sparked controversy recently due to their large age gap.
tagged: danielricciardo, yourusername
view all comments
user31 oh so they are dating.....
user32 who even cares abt their age gap as long as they're happy!!!
user33 frrrr they're both adults soo?
user34 right and they obviously just met recently
user35 im jus glad to see daniel moving on from heidi
user36 i kind of love them together
user37 we should just leave them alone
user38 agree it's literally none of our business
user39 sooo cute he's whipped for her i fear
user40 i love them ... LOL
danielricciardo
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liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1, and others
danielricciardo life's been a bit of a whirlwind 🌪️
view all comments
user41 omg sooo cute
user42 the candid pics of y/n omg he's obsessed
yourbff you cuties
liked by danielricciardo, yourusername
user43 awww he deserves to be happy tbh
user44 still not convinced on the age gap looool
user45 get over it...
landonorris ur new better half
danielricciardo shut up loser
yourusername yup🙂‍↕️ lando right for once
landonorris feels like ur bullying me but i'll take it
user46 maybe daniel is her sugar daddy
user47 wtf is wrong with you LOL
yourusername 😂😂😂😂😂😂
landonorris HAHAHAHA
danielricciardo hahahaha no way
maxverstappen1 sugar daddy daniel 🤨😨
yourusername 🩷🩷!!!!! my loveeee
danielricciardo 😍 you fixed my heart
yourusername and you mine🥹
user48 SOOO cute i love that they went thru break ups together
user49 they were meant to be
user59 written in the stars ✨
THE END 🩷
944 notes · View notes
mynnthia · 5 months
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compiling my headcanons for what video games dungeon meshi characters would like, if they were gamers in modern day
some taken from this post and my reblog additions there. added more characters, with some suggestions by friends/mutuals (marked by *asterisk ).
this can also be a games recommendation list based on your fav/most relatable characters too, if you want
characters that are not are included are bc i dont have ideas for them. if i only list the genre name but not any specific titles, its bc im not familiar enough with the character/genre to pick a specific game.
this list is, of course, biased towards games im more familiar with. feel free to ask me to elaborate on my choices or make suggestions in the comments
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Laios' party:
Laios: plays lots of Monster Hunter. loves Spore but he doesnt often play past the tribal stage. likes Pokemon but he's more focused on catching the pokemon than following the story. played WolfQuest and DragonFable back in the day. enjoyed the concept of Bugsnax but wasn't interested in dealing with the NPCs
Marcille: mainly Dwarf Fortress, RTS games, some colony sims. but also sometimes The Sims, and dollmaker dress-up games. i could see her also enjoying Rollercoaster Tycoon and making elaborately-themed parks. might also occasionally indulge in some visual novels if she's in the mood for narrative she has Stardew Valley so she can have something to play co-op with falin, but its not a game she plays a lot of otherwise. when playing with falin, marcille micromanages the farm to maximize productivity, and does the decorations
Chilchuck: puzzle games and hidden object/escape room games as a video game-equivalent to finding/dismantling traps and lockpicking. i think he'd also enjoy Bejeweled.
Senshi: mainly Wii games and Cooking Mama. occasionally plays Snake on his 15-year-old nokia phone. i dont think he would enjoy games like Overcooked or restaurant manager games, because he likes to take his time making food, not stressing about customer service
Falin: some *Legend of Zelda games – she likes the exploration aspect in Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom, maybe also some of the toon zelda games like Minish Cap or Wind Waker she also plays Pokemon (*Pokemon Go when she's traveling), and i think she would enjoy some indie games, like Penko Park or Chicory: A Colorful Tale. plays Stardew Valley co-op with marcille – falin mainly takes care of the animals, mining, and picking the crops. occasionally makes improvement suggestions that marcille didnt think of
Izutsumi: i could see her enjoying games with parkour mechanics, like *Assassin's Creed, or Mirror's Edge. or maybe something simple but requiring cat-like swipes, like Fruit Ninja. despite her impatience, i think she could also enjoy action games with interesting longer narratives, as evidenced by [this omake] (relevant portion pictured below), so maybe *Final Fantasy 7 – my friend who's familiar with the game said "she’d find Cloud and Vincent relatable"
[ID: a dungeon meshi omake, where laios' party watches a nightmare monster manifest marcille's dream. there are snippets of dramatic soap opera-like dialogue. the rest of the party are initially enthusiastic but get bored over time, meanwhile izutsumi remains enthralled]
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Kabru's party
Kabru: definitely Crusader Kings. maybe also some rpgs with relationship/faction mechanics, such as *Fire Emblem (one of the older ones or FE:3H) or Fallout: New Vegas (hes maxing out the speech stat asap) i think he would also enjoy mystery games like Pentiment and Return of the Obra Dinn – he would love the process of getting familiar with the many characters and deducing "who did what" in both games.
Rin: she takes pride in being an indie gamer (translating her disdain for upper class magic academy mages -> disdain for AAA games). given her chain-lightning magic in canon, i think she'd enjoy games with AOE-type magic, so maybe games such as Vampire Survivors. my mutual also suggested she might enjoy indie mystery visual novels like *Paranormasight, and that her AAA guilty-pleasure would be *Final Fantasy 14 – that rin is "a hardcore ff14 raider. would join PUGs and shot-call every week. #holm and diya might also play ff14 casually with rin but holm would be fishing mainly"
Mickbell: mainly Bethesda games like Fallout and Skyrim– enjoys the bootstrapper power fantasy in them. the type to go out of his way to pick up all the loot he can, to later sell
Kuro: enjoys the same games as Mickbell, but for the open-world exploration and investigation factors
Toshiro and Tansu's party:
Namari: her interest in fighting and weapons could translate to brawler/fighting games and action games with a focus on weapon stats – so maybe *Street Fighter, *God of War, and/or *Dark Souls. might play *Monster Hunter with laios but for the weapons. i could also see her occasionally enjoying truck simulators
Toshiro (Shuro): has the perseverance for soulslikes and other high-difficulty action and/or metroidvania games, but would take his time overthinking item/weapon synergies sometimes. given [his fondness for bugs], i could also see him enjoying Hollow Knight
Tade: would enjoy the cute aesthetics and lighthearted gameplay of Animal Crossing and Katamari. would also like idol anime rhythm games
Kiki: i think she would enjoy horror games such as Resident Evil, but would play it while super chill. i dont have much reasoning for this aside from vibes
Canaries:
Mithrun: plays Doom. got into Hollow Knight but still hasn't finished it because he keeps getting lost. senshi introduces him to Cooking Mama later on, which he finds surprisingly therapeutic
Cithis: plays Hitman and enjoys staging elaborate accident kills. i think she'd also enjoy The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood, with her background as a devious fortune-teller
Fleki: surreal indie games like Hylics. also plays Team Fortress 2, and is a scout main. occasionally joins lycion in Animal Jam
Lycion: active WolfQuest and Animal Jam player. occasionally joins fleki in tf2
Pattadol: plays Stardew Valley – shes comparatively a normie, but on the meticulous side. she would enjoy perfecting her in-game farm
Otta: plays Genshin Impact. the serious reasoning is because of her (earth) elemental magic and how genshin has an elemental magic system (from my understanding. ive never played it). the joke reasoning is how some genshin players play to collect "waifus", and how otta goes through a lot of women in her dating life
Other:
Leed: runs her own guild in World of Warcraft
Winged Lion: god-games like WorldBox or Simmiland. and Darkest Dungeon (this ones mostly a joke)
Thistle: plays the original Plants VS. Zombies. also plays Minecraft and is very serious about it, but hasn't updated his game in years (translating the fact hes a 1000-year-old kid frozen in time -> playing "slightly old" games popular in the early 2010s)
[ID: tweet reply by twitter user ranchuppi – "thistle calls it lord delgal's server but he is the only mod. whole royal family is locked in spectator mode. Hell. living hell on earth."]
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418 notes · View notes
hauntedrain · 7 months
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Part 1: Unexpected | Max Verstappen x Fem Reader |
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mixed Social media AU summary: Max stumbles upon a twitch streamer who peaks his interest
✮▹A/N: Love you guys and thank you for 1,000 notes on my last post but also 100 followers! love you guys
✰▹Warnings/Notices: Used random names for readers friends, also i really didnt know how to format this tbh so might be a bit weird and make no sense. NOT EDITED.
Part 2: Here!
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liked by 25,456 others
@Y/N: Stream was lovely today, sorry for missing the last stream. love you guys and see you on the weekend! ALSO new video out on YouTube with Theo and Lorelei.
Y/N has posted a youtube video!
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YouTube transcript!
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Y/N: Its actually really pretty out today, I expected it to be a little more gloomy. But its rather sunny out.
Lorelei: Why are you talking like that?
Y/N: What do you mean? Just because you still talk like a 5 year old doesn't mean I have to stay on your level.
Lorelei: Anyways...
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Theo: Did you hear that they're planning an f1 race here?
Y/N: F1? Like the vroom vroom thing you like?
Lorelei: PLEASE the vroom vroom thing.
Y/N: I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS!
Theo: Yes the vroom vroom thing. Anyways yea they're planning it.
Lorelei: What team do you like?
Theo: McLaren. you?
Lorelei: Maybe Redbull or Ferrari.
Y/N: Preferably I like the one thats winning. so...
Theo: Redbull.
Y/N: got it.
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Y/N: I wanted to buy this coat from down the street from my apartment but it was like $150. At that time I really thought about where and if I should find a rich man to marry.
Lorelei: F1 drivers are rich.
Theo: Like rich rich, mainly the popular and good ones but thats besides the point.
Y/N: As much as you guys try im not gonna get into F1. And also why is this video just you guys insulting me over not knowing anything.
Theo: We just think you'll like it.
Y/N: Cars going in a circle for 2 hours? Would rather watch football
Lorelei: But you like football.
Y/N: Yeah thats my point?
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Max Verstappen has gone live!
Max Verstappen has ended the stream!
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Liked by Max verstappen & 32,345 others
@Y/N: Why are people tagging me in F1 stuff? And whos Max verstappen? HELP.
user8: LMFAO MAX IN THE LIKES. THIS POOR GIRL.
user9: I think you should do a reaction video or stream to everything.
↪ user10: she would need Theo and Lorelei for help.
user11: MAX CAN TELL YOU.
↪ Y/N: WHO TF IS MAX?
↪ Lorelei: Babe please come to my room. I'll explain everything.
↪ user12: MAKE A VIDEO OUT OF IT PLEASE OR STREAM IT.
↪ Y/N: Will do?
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Y/N has gone Live!
titled: HELP ME.
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⭒❃.✮:▹A/N: Guys im deeply sorry if this makes no sense and everything is confusing. IDK what im doing. but love you guys and I hope you enjoyed.
1K notes · View notes
crispyjenkins · 1 month
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mandalore the young cont.
original post/discussion here! it was just getting really long and i for one hate scrolling so far, so. here's this. have also added this au to my masterlist in my pinned post!
@malcontent-crow
#i had a whole wall of tags and it didnt save! lets try this again#i am loving this. the potential for world building and the consequences of knowing more than you should (literally)
#i had forgotten that DW wasnt in peoples thoughts as a threat during the Clan Wars#and the idea that Pre was so far underground with the movement is a very good thing to remember as well! #on one hand you have this driven and spirited young verd that is inspiring Clans to start reassessing who they are fighting and why#on the other you have this clanless outsider that knows waaaaay too much about all the potential major players and is saying#that this major threat isnt really as gone as everybody thought and hoped. sith parallels out the wahoo for ppor obi#and hes standing there watching them all argue over his head about this threat that he KNOWS needs to be dealt with#he is seeing himself as pretty on par or above with the Old Guard in terms of mental age or prowess or large scale battles#so he sees them doubt him maybe even to his face and knows he'll need to get things started on his own
#and becauae everything in the galaxay has at least one person watching it from the outside... how quickly does the news of a jedi padawan#going off the rails on this mission get out? whos keeping track and who points fingers at the jedi for attempting to control the outcome#of the war of their historical enemies in their favor? the senate (read sith) want mandalore defanged before their war but what does it look#like the jedi want? how does the council answer for his actions? do they condemn or condone him? do they try to stay out of it?
#the world building potential of the Manda and the Ka'ra is delicious.#what does it mean to be a mando or darmanda? can you walk around and have people look at you and know you have failed in your oaths?
#and ouch! Obi-Wan considering the fact that he has never been allowed to be his own person.#from padawan to knight/master and then a general and councilor and sheesh. hes really never had the chance to see who he is as a person#outside of his responsibilities to everybody around him and right now hes a war worn adult in a war worn teens body#hes always had somebody else there. as a battle companion a teacher a student as somebody to protect and guard and guide#and now he has this entire culture looking at him and waiting for his next move. and im guess it still feels like less than a burden than#the care and raising of an entire child on his own. sure he had the temple resources and other jedi to lean on but anakin always looked to#him first to solve any problem or teach him something new or cuddle him after nightmares as hes trying to hide his own dreams#and grief and flounding to find his footing as an independent adult
#so right now hes looking around at the entire mando population and realizing thats he might need to reshape himself again for somebody else#to make himself what others need and knowing he can and will do it if it means saving somebody else
#and when exactly did he come back from the war? did he have satine die in his arms and see the ruin that is madalore after a pacifist reign?#does he see the potential for that ruin to happen right now if he doesnt succeed? where does he see himself in regards to the jedi?#has he considered the consequences of stepping up to be the Mand'alor to this culture he has never seen as his own?#has he let himself think about the choices he needs to make and how some things you cant always come out the other side the same as before?
(following the trend of each of these getting longer, this has hit just under 5,000 words, so just a heads up lol? so much world building is happening in this one)
sorry you had to rewrite so much! that last exchange was cursed, it seems lmao
it's so easy to write Obi-Wan as prescient, or the route I'm going with in Dha Kar'ta, so i think it's a fun change-up to have him knowledgeable for completely different reasons! I'm actually going to avoid visions almost at all for this Obi, but everyone else certainly won't know the difference, and he doesn't tell them otherwise (though he won't encourage it either. I do actually have a Naruto time travel where Nart pretends to be psychic à la Shawn Spencer, so that isn't the route I wanna go for this Obi). the consequences of knowing too much, indeed
hmmm many of these questions depend on how deep into Jedi and galactic politics I wanna go, and I'm not sure it's very deep at all. or at least, not very dragged out. i'll explain in a mo
SO first: yes, this Obi is from after Satine dies, in 19 BBY, maybe a month or so after, but before the bombing of the Temple so before Ahsoka left the Order. He was back on the front, no time to properly mourn, though he was doing his best, and was meditating on the whole war, but especially the Sith and their hand in everything that happened on Mandalore. It went deeper than Maul, he knew, had been going on longer than Maul and even Dooku, and it occurred to Obi-Wan that the Sith either wanted a Mandalore that will side with them but not be too much a threat, or they wanted them not a threat at all. He realised his hand in that, in helping put the New Mandalorians on the throne that led to the demilitarisation of the entire sector. Obi-Wan had practically teed Mandalore up for Dooku and then Maul's interference, and if the Republic won the war, he could all too easily see them doing another excision. won't get too much into it to save it for the fic, but he is mediating with something beskar, and he gets a lil too deep into the Force, and of course this is post-Mortis so...... 👀
so this Obi-Wan, back in time, is helping Mandalore to prevent any more Sith machinations in the future, to change the future for the whole galaxy, but even before he's Chosen, he realises he's also doing all of this for Mandalore. for his own hand in its destruction, for the Jedi's hand in the Excision, for his personal connection to Satine drawing Maul to it. it's for atonement, for reparation, and also because Mandalore deserves to be saved, and Obi-Wan is in a place he can help do that. it isn't just about the health of the galaxy, anymore.
I usually shy away from having Obi-Wan leave the Order, no matter what AU I'm throwing him in because I believe in the fundamental goodness of the Order and the people in it, and Obi-Wan is fundamentally a Jedi, one of the best, one of the best. however, in this case, I don't think he can have his cake and eat it too. if Dooku had to leave the Order to accept his countship, then Obi-Wan would have to leave to become Mand'alor. Jedi are (supposed to be) politically neutral, and Obi-Wan is all too aware he'd nullified his own neutrality the moment he decided to go for Keldabe to find Jango.
one of my favorite... tropes? in time travel fic is Obi using his future fellow councilmembers' access codes to get into things he shouldn't, and he certainly knows how to work the Order's internal systems in his favor, so he
wait so i was gonna have him go in and tender his resignation from the Order directly into the systems, and backdate it for before the Mandalore mission, so that anything he's done on Mandalore so far cannot be blamed on the Jedi BUT WHAT IF he just. deletes himself. like completely. from admin to the Archives to the crèche's own internal systems to the Shadow's private servers, Obi-Wan Kenobi was never a Jedi, was never a Temple bastard, was never Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan. his mission records are all in Qui-Gon's name now, his medical file simply doesn't exist, his crècheling clan is listed as simply having been a person short compared to other clans that year. he goes so far as to delete comm histories with him or mentioning him, it's like Obi-Wan Kenobi just doesn't exist anymore.
he does this first thing after leaving Jango, he spends the entire week back to Mandalore ensuring he's been completely erased from absolutely anything relating to the Jedi, and then uses his future councilmember knowledge (and lessons from Quinlan) to erase himself from Republic systems, too. any planet he'd helped as a padawan will suddenly have no records of him as having been there with his master, so the senate or Order can't subpoena them for the info, though Obi-Wan knows he can't have gotten everything (such as any planet not in the Republic, or who don't have holonet access to their files, or both, like Melida/Daan), but he figures he's done enough to absolve the Order if anyone comes knocking about what he's doing.
he buries his lightsaber in the deserts of Mandalore, not knowing that in his old future, he'd have done the same on Tatooine.
so as far as the Jedi are aware: Obi-Wan went on a mission with Qui-Gon that (predictably) went to hell, got separated from his master for weeks to months, then suddenly changed, at the same time their Jedi with the highest prescience collapsed due to his visions, which have also changed. Obi-Wan left Qui-Gon behind to hightail it through the Mandalore sector, and Qui-Gon couldn't catch up or find him, and then Obi-Wan disappeared from anyone's radars for two weeks. then Qui-Gon senses him reenter the Mandalore system, right before breaking his training bond with him, and the Order wakes up to Obi-Wan completely erased from their systems like he never existed in the first place. everything is going so so wrong, and yet. and yet.
and yet the Force is telling them all that this is right, that this is the least Dark course of action, that whatever Obi-Wan is doing is indeed the Will of the Force
so the Order mourns one of their own, and tells Qui-Gon to let him go. and then the Order ups their cyber security because what.
i think he leaves an unsigned letter/comm message for a few people. Bant, Quinlan, Mace, Feemor, his old crèchemaster, Yoda, maybe Jocasta Nu. it's short, basically thanking them for their hand in his upbringing (Feemor hasn't even met him before so is very confused by this), apologising for leaving abruptly, but to follow the Will of the Force, he had to leave; the first part of the message is all the same, but ends with little individual notes. he apologises to Madam Nu for fucking with her archives and hopes she can one day forgive him; he asks her to keep her friends close and to mend the tension between her and Dooku, that Obi-Wan should not know about. He tells Yoda that the future is always in motion but they must move with it; he asks Yoda to meditate on his dwindling lineages and learn to accept all that he cannot control. He reminds Quinlan to wear his gloves and asks him to thank Tholme for looking out for him when Qui-Gon wouldn't or didn't; he thanks him for their years together, and asks him to check in on Feemor every now and then. He apologises to Mace for all the shatter-points he likely caused and will continue to cause, and suggests he put a permanent reminder in his comm to remember to refill his migraine prescription that sixteen year-old Obi should not know about. He asks Bant to look out for a young Togruta initiate that will join in seven years, and suggests Bant might like the healer track rather than the knight corps; he thanks her for being his longest and most dearly-held friend. He thanks his crèchemaster for realising his visions were more than dreams (which will inadvertently lend credence to that theory for why Obi-Wan changed so suddenly), for supporting him when Bruck was at his nastiest, and for always being someone he could turn to even after he became a padawan. For Feemor, Obi-Wan apologises that they hadn't had the chance to meet before then, and for the relationship they won't have anymore; Feemor has no idea who this message is from, until he starts hearing the gossip that Obi-Wan Kenobi has left the Order again. He too mourns never getting to know his padawan brother.
and Obi-Wan sends Qui-Gon a message, of course, thanking him for his teachings, apologising for "leading him on" as an apprentice, leaving and coming back so many times only to permanently leave this time. he reminds Qui to reach out to his friends and his support system, asks him to at least consider talking to a mind or soul healer about Xanatos (knowing that once it gets out that Obi-Wan is a planetary leader, it will likely badly trigger Qui-Gon), and asks him to at least try and mend his relationship with Dooku, though understands if that's not something Qui-Gon is willing to do. asks him to keep Satine safe, but to deeply think about why the Republic is so intent on helping her faction, and why Qui-Gon had questioned so little of the New Mandalorian ethos.
so by the time Obi-Wan finds the Old Guard, he's broken from the Order completely, has buried his saber, has broken his training bond, has cut his braid. I think he shaves his head entirely to let it grow out at the same rate, because the padawan cut is *Eliot Spencer voice* Very Distinctive. he paints his armour white for, yes, his men, his vod'e, but also for cin vhetin. he can't be the man he was before, nor the teen he was before, neither are who Mandalore needs, and as long as he can stay true to his morals and upbringing, he will be what Mandalore needs him to be.
okay now onto the Manda vs. the Ka'ra vs. the Force. the Force is a scientific concept of an energy connecting absolutely everything in the universe, and the Jedi have a religious view on the scientific concept. for both purposes, the Force just is. I really like the idea of other non-Jedi ideas just being different aspects of the Force, different religions and cultures based on the same scientific concepts. for Mandalorians, their "aspect" of the Force is the Manda, the collective souls of every Mando'ade that's ever marched on. just what it means to be Mando'ade has varied greatly through history, and is varied between different groups even now, but none of that changes what the Manda is, which is an aspect of the Force only Mando'ade can touch. sort of like their beliefs of it being separate from the Force have made it so?
now I haven't really talked about this before, but from the beginning of me writing Mandalorian related things, i've separated Ka'ra from ka'ra, which was a little bit me misremembering there was another term for "stars", and then it became it's own thing. kar, meaning "star", with it's plural kar'e or kare, to me, means physical stars, the way we'd call our sun a star. ka'ra, uncapitalised, is the more poetic and/or spiritual "stars", the way we might say something is "written in the stars", which actually aligns with how jate'kara is spelled; for my writing, i've used this form for Mandalorian Force-sensitives being Star-touched ka'ra-touched. Ka'ra, capitalised, is that "ruling council of fallen kings", the Mandalorian myth and it, the way I've always interpreted it, is a separate part of the Manda made up of specifically the souls of every Mand'alor already marched on. So, Tor Vizsla could have joined the Manda after death, but not the Ka'ra; make sense? all that ka'ra vs Ka'ra worldbuilding was done very early in my writing for star wars, and has since expanded to include the idea of the Manda as something separate, and I would now actually consider Manda-touched over Star-touched to describe Force sensitive Mando'ade, because that's really what I think Mandalorians would consider causes their supernatural powers: ancestors rather than the stars.
so what does that mean for this fic? the Manda is directly influenced by all those that consider themselves Mandalorian, Force-sensitive or not. it is, however, not affected by New Mandalorians, unless they worship the Manda in some facsimile, and I think many, many, many do not, not the way they were raised to. this worship looks different for every clan and every individual, and I've always interpreted it as more of a broad spiritual practice across the whole culture rather than a religion, per se, the way a real-world broader culture might pray at shrines at New Years even if individuals themselves or their family aren't religious. this is what I'm referencing when I say the Will of the People: the alive Mando'ade and their choices and emotions affecting and influencing the Manda, the collective amalgamation of every passed-on Mando'ade, and it's when these two are in tandem that they "pick" a Mand'alor. HOWEVER, such a pick is also up to the Ka'ra, the Mand'alor'e that have all marched on; to one day enter the Ka'ra themselves, a Mand'alor must be "picked" by both the People/the Manda, and the Ka'ra. Tor would be "picked" by a significant part of the People and the Manda, and so would Jaster have been, but (according to me, myself, and i, obviously), only Jaster had been chosen by the Ka'ra. Pre is "Mand'alor" only in name, only in a tenuous loyalty existing in House Vizsla and Death Watch, not even by the Manda; just simple human (et al) loyalty. Jango had a weaker "pick" from the Manda than Jaster did, but was picked by the Ka'ra, meaning if he did not declare himself dar'manda (even just internally; I don't think he's ever said it out loud), he would have joined the Ka'ra after death; if he ever reconnects with himself as a Mandalorian, I like to think he'd have that chance again. Canon Jango, though, who went on to make the clones? Absolutely not.
what does this all mean for Obi-Wan? he'd spent weeks inadvertently drumming up support in the people and therefore the Manda, and maybe most haven't really looked at him and thought "sure I'd follow him as Mand'alor", but they have looked at him and thought "that one has mandokar, that one wants what's best for Mandalore, that one is touched by destiny". I dunno, man, like. Obi-Wan is their hope before he is their leader. That will make all the difference when he does end up uniting them. His searching out Jango had made Jango finally confront that he feels dar'manda, until then he hadn't really lost the Ka'ra's support, but that severs that connection. and now the Ka'ra are without a Mand'alor, but look at that, there's a mandokar'la little idiot right there, already strong in the Manda, already rallying hope and purpose, already so invested in the nurturing and the future of Mandalore, how could the Ka'ra not choose him?
I posed the question previously whether or not Mando'ade can tell who has been chosen to be Mand'alor, and I think I've ironed out what that'll mean for this fic. non-Force sensitive Mando'ade will have this sense when near their Mand'alor, a subconscious and inherent trust in them, and indeed, some will be disturbed by this and fight it. that's alright, that's their right. Some never clock this extra sense, some are aware of it always, some just chalk it up to "gut feelings" and the like. The more spiritual or religious Mandos maybe put a little more stock in this feelings, I think especially goran'e and other spiritual leaders, but the fact that the Manda can technically pick more than one person at a time (like Tor and Jaster, and then Jango), this extra sense isn't a perfect indicator of a properly chosen Manda'lor.
now. what about Force sensitive Mando'ade? Well, the Manda is an aspect of the Force, and is in fact how said Force sensitive Mando'ade connect to the Force, by going through the Manda, first. their relationship with sensitivity is inherently different from others in the galaxy, at least those that connect to it directly. they are the ones that can sense or see if someone is chosen by the Ka'ra, depending on their sensitivity. Some see the ghostly line of previous Mand'alor'e stretched out behind them (like the Avatar cycle lmao), some see a wavering crown of stars around their head, some just sense there is a duplicity (/neutral) to their Force presence that doesn't exist in anyone else. how common is Force sensitivity in Mandalorian space? not fuckin very. Jaster had three in his entire faction of aprox. 2 million (fanon number), at least that were aware they were sensitive. Jango only had a few more, and only because he had gained a couple hundred thousand more followers before Galidraan. so i'll make the nearly-arbitrary number that Force sensitive Mandos are 1 in 1,000,000, across the entire sector. by some calculations, in the whole galaxy at around the time of the Clone Wars the number of Force sensitives is 1 in 5,000,000 but these calculations do not generally include societies and species with a near or 100% chance of Force sensitivity, because we simply don't have the data for it. does this all make Mandos slightly more likely to be Force sensitive than others, by my own numbers? sorta. which i'm making an issue of underreporting, based on Mandalore not being a part of the Republic, and also contention with the Jedi and Sith; they don't consider those Manda-touched to be Force sensitive, and with the way I've built this, they aren't exactly wrong.
for the purposes of this story, there are maybe eight Manda-touched Mando'ade in the Mandalore system at this time, and all but one are goran'e. that single non-armorer is part of the Old Guard. I have the roster for the Old Guard decided, so I'm debating whether the Manda-touched one is Cort Davin (a journeyman protector), or one of the women. Instinct wants Vhonte Tervho, but I have plans for her to be related to the goran Obi-Wan got his armour done by, who I wanted to be one of the seven Force sensitive armorers, soooo. lmao how fucked would it be if Isabet Reau is the Force sensitive one? I like the angst of that, since I definitely do not plan on redeeming her, but I kind of want the only Old Guard that can sense Obi-Wan is Chosen by the Ka'ra to be really quiet and accepting of it, while everyone else is arguing. hmmm I have an unnamed Wren as part of the Guard, that I haven't fleshed anything out for yet; perhaps them?
okay I think I've solidified what it makes a Mandalorian, at least for the function of this fic. it is tied to the Resol'nare, and following it, which does allow those who had Chosen Tor Vizsla as their Mand'alor to technically still be following the Resol'nare, and are therefore not dar'manda. at least not for that. but part of the reason the Resol'nare is even able to determine who has a Mandalorian soul, is because they believe it does. Those alive and those dead influence the functionality and reality of the Manda, which also allows for those pre-Resol'nare to still exist in the Manda. What causes someone to become dar'manda, if they are technically following the Resol'nare?
maybe it's reductive, or over-simplified, or maybe even too broad, but it makes sense to me and allows for many many different types of people to still fail, and this is obviously not the only way to become dar'manda, but one thing that will always strip someone of their Mando soul? treatment of children. caring for children. not harming children. this allows many of Death Watch to still maintain their Mando souls, but still be fucked up awful people in other ways. It allows even True Mandalorians to have lost their souls and not realised it because they otherwise adhered to the Resol'nare, because they'd chosen to interpret "defending oneself and family" and "raising your children as Mandalorians" to not include other peoeple's children. Or maybe they were abusive in the belief they were caring for their children. This would also make every single one of the Cuy'val Dar dar'manda, which I think is a fascinating concept.
to answer your question directly, no, one cannot look at someone and know they're dar'manda, even the Force/Manda sensitive ones. one will only know in death, whether or not they have a place in the Manda.
NOW what does this mean for New Mandalorians?? well, by technicality and the way I've set the Manda up, one can interpret the Resol'nare in ways that could align with New Mandos. Perhaps they interpret "armour" as more than specifically "beskar'gam", maybe they wear armourweave or other protective fabrics. Maybe they interpret "defending one's family" as putting down arms instead of raising them, in order to create a peaceful future for their children. I think there are plenty of New Mandos that technically tick off all the boxes, and believe in themselves and their fellows so much that the Manda is like "yeah sure why not, we'll make that count". I think some tenants are more easily... bent, like swearing to the duchy in place of the Mand'alor, but I think an easy one New Mandos miss, is "speak Mando'a." I think many New Mandos were all too quick to switch to Basic for everything except religious and spiritual ceremonies, and I think those already in the Manda would find that very hard to forgive. I actually get into this a little in Dha Kar'ta very soon, but for this fic, i'll have Satine not outright outlawing Mando'a, but it is socially heavily discouraged. you're not allowed to speak it in the palace unless in aforementioned ceremonies, you cannot fill out paperwork in anything but Basic, you're not allowed to use Mando'a titles (including Mand'alor), you're not allowed to teach it to your children. no outright like. punishments for speaking it in public, but if your kids are caught, there are repercussions, including investigation into how else you're raising your kids, and if you're found to be doing anything else, they can take your kids from you. not every New Mando agrees with this, of course, and go about adhering to the Resol'nare as best they can in secret, but so many do give up the language by convincing themselves it's not as important as the other tenants and, well, the duchy hasn't steered them all wrong yet, has it?
okay so on the subject of what the outside galaxy is seeing. I like the headcanon/trope/idea of like. the one thing all factions of Mandalorians agreeing on is fuck everyone else. oh, the New Mandos will emulate the Core and the Republic, but they aren't the Republic nor want to be, and this animosity extends to keeping as many internal Mandlorian issues just that: internal. no faction can keep news from leaving the system or the sector, obviously, but there also isn't a lot of interest in Mandalorian news? "oh look all the Mandos are fighting again", except that's been the standard for like. actual thousands of years. I like when fic have people outside the sector not evening knowing there are different factions, so I'll be doing that here, too, and I like the idea of non-Republic sectors having their own holonets, separate from the Republic one. so like, if Obi-Wan happens to go a little viral during his mad dash to Keldabe, that would be on the Mandalorian holonet, not the Republic one, so even if Obi-Wan was visibly still a Jedi (and he wasn't), actual news of him wouldn't reach the Mid and Inner Rims until like. possible years after it happens.
could this maybe be expedited by Sith machinations? absolutely, though I'm not sure I want to go that route, since I don't think the Sith are overmuch interested in Mandalore at this point, at least not in any hands-on capacity. I'm unclear on whether them funding Death Watch is fanon or not, but it is a headcanon I subscribe to, and I think they'd have stopped funding DW after Galidraan, to cause worse infighting and prevent DW from gaining enough power to actually restart their imperial conquering days. Palpatine has been senator for about ten years by this point, but has very little political power overall, and Demask would be looking basically anywhere but Mandalore at this point in time, both of them having written it off until they actively need something from the sector. if anyone had clocked Obi-Wan as a Jedi, this all would have gone very differently, news would have spread much further and quicker and I think undoubtedly would have reached Palpatine, but since I have Obi-Wan just... cutting ties to anything Jedi, news of him remains in-sector. is this perhaps unrealistic? maybe, but I kind of want to focus on Mandalore and not worry about galactic-wide politics for once, lmao, actually very much like Obi-Wan is doing. however, he will clock a lack of Sith interference and thinks That's Very Weird.
haven't decided how he finds Palpatine out yet, but I think it'll have to do with his Manda senses being different than his Force ones, maybe the Ka'ra even gives him a few tips or gifts to sense Sith since they've allied and fought with them so much in the past. regardless, that'll be after he's become Mand'alor and united the clans.
now to actual plot progression! Obi-Wan meets up with the Old Guard, they don't know what to make of him other than "he's kriffing weird. and young. and creepy. and probably Manda-touched." whatever other verd is Manda-touched will see him blessed by the Ka'ra, which causes them to look inwards more closely and realise they trust Obi-Wan inexplicably, which means they're blessed by the Manda and the Will of the People, too. they wonder if Obi-Wan has noticed, if any of the other Old Guard have noticed. they are one of a few that notice Obi-Wan sneaking back out while everyone is arguing.
Vhonte Tervho is another. She's at this lil summit to represent clan Tervho, tho isn't the clan head, because her ba'vodu, a Manda-touched goran, had sensed she needed to be at the summit. said ba'vodu is of course the armorer who reforged Obi-Wan's armour (need to find a name for them hmm), who had told their clan they were to cease fighting until their new Mand'alor called on them. Vhonte sees Obi-Wan, realises at the same time as everyone that he's the Kih'Manda, the Mand'ika that the entire system had been gossiping about for weeks, and she thinks of what her ba'vodu said. she looks inwards, like they had taught her to, and finds, yes, she trusts Obi-Wan, just like she used to trust Jango. And, well, her Mand'alor is obviously leaving to go do something, and she isn't going to let him go it alone.
the Manda-touched verd doesn't go with them, wanting to see what comes of this, but they already know Obi-wan is Ka'ra Chosen. they will come when he calls.
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mydarlingem · 6 months
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ever since we met
guys we are SO BACK i bring gifts <3 didnt realize how much i would miss writing on here. currently working on rewriting old work and new stuff so i can get back to posting on a weekly basis. hope you have been well and enjoy!!
cw. sakusa kiyoomi eats pussy, what more could you need
wc. 1800
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you met sakusa kiyoomi two years ago when he took over his father’s business. every monday and saturday at 4 pm, he knocked on the back door of your flower shop. big boxes filled with one the best flowers for you. it was also two years ago when you first opened the door for him that you realized you loved him. he was so sweet and kind, always taking time to ask about you and following up on events in your life. you figured he did this with everyone on his route. little did you know that your sweet kiyoomi did not ask questions about any of his other deliveries.
he was determined to get to know you, however long it took him. he knew the movies you saw, the terrible dates you went on, your favorite flowers and your least favorite customers. no detail was too small for him, because he did care about it all. he liked your passion for your work and your love for the people around you. ever since he knocked on that door monday at 4 pm two years ago he has loved you. he knows it crazy, and he can't rationalize it for the life of him but he knows it's the truth. he knows you probably don't reciprocate but god he can't help it.
“hey kiyoomi what did you bring for me today?” you say with a smiled as you prop open the door for him. the way you say his name makes him weak in the knees, he loves how comfortable you are around him. “besides my beautiful face, everything you had on your list and an extra case of snapdragons because i know you always run out by thursday.” he smiles at you and sets down the boxes. “you really are the best thank you” you say as you walk back over to the counter to continue cleaning roses. “how are you today my favorite florist?” he asks as he sets down the last three boxes in their designated spot. “busy and understaffed” you sigh. “glad to know things always stay the same around here” he smiles and hands you a clipboard for a signature.
he likes the way you sign your name, he can't explain it but it suits you. “you know you are the last delivery of the day, so is there anything i can do to help out?” he takes the clipboard back from you as you hold back from speaking for a moment. “i have so much to do are you sure?” you ask hoping it's not just pity. “i'm here for whatever you need” he says as he takes his hoodie off and sets his things down. you never realized how many tattoos he has, or how big his biceps were. maybe him staying was good for morale. “would mind cleaning some mums for me?” he nods and steps to the counter to start.
its quiet for a little, the silence isn't awkward though. you look over at him, he's so efficient. his hands are so perfect, how is he so perfect? his voice snaps you out of your trance. “how was that date you had last week?” he asks, not looking up from the flowers in his hands. “lets just say i won’t be seeing him again” you exhale softly, mentally pleading that the very attractive man across from you will not ask you to embarrass yourself further. kiyoomi laughs softly before speaking again, “i can't believe we have never hung out outside of work” he says as he continues to clean flowers. his heart was racing at this point, you made him so nervous he was hoping you couldn’t tell.
“i know it's so crazy! we have to do something soon” you say with a smile. “well what are you doing this weekend? there’s a new bar i want to check out and i’d love to take you.” “if i didn't know any better i would think you were asking me out on a date kiyoomi” you smile before looking up at him and making eye contact with him. “and what if i am?” he says still smiling, your cheeks were so hot, was he messing with you? “well i'd think you were joking” you say trying to control the tone of your voice. he sets his flowers down as he makes his way to the other side of the table where you stand with shaky hands.
“oh im dead serious pretty girl” he runs his hand along your jaw tilting your chin towards his face. he's smiling at you like you hung and the moon and stars just for him. hes so close all you can smell is his cologne, god did he always smell this good? you aren’t sure who leans in first but your lips touch and suddenly everything feels so right. hes holding your face in his hand but slowly becoming so desperate as he kisses you. the cold metal of his lip piercings feels so good against your lips. you can't seem to get enough of him and you wrap your arms around his neck. he taps your thighs as you wrap your legs around him, he gently sets you on the counter. he breaks away from the kiss breathless and rests his head against your shoulder “you're so perfect” he all but whimpers against the skin of your neck.
“i've wanted to kiss you for so long” you say as he kisses your neck, and you run your hands through his soft hair. he moans softly at the contact and lifts his head up to kiss you again. standing in between your thighs he wraps his hands around your waist, smiling into the kiss. he can't believe this moment is real, he can't believe he finally worked up the courage to to act on his feelings. the all too familiar jingle of the front door opening snaps the both of you out of your bliss. “fuck” you say as you hop off the counter, “hi ill be right there." you look back to kiyoomi “will you please stay i promise i'll be so quick”. he smiles “dont worry im not going anywhere sweetheart.” you smile and kiss him on the cheek before running off to the front.
this might be the happiest he’s ever been. you’re so soft and sweet and oh my god he loves how gentle you are with him. he loves the effect he has on you, in fact he may just never move from this spot in the hope that you kiss him like that again. “thank you have a great day” you chirp as your voice breaks him out of his trance. you appear into the doorway to the back of the door with a smile. “hi” you say as you make your way back over to him, “hi sweet girl” he wraps his arms around you again. “i close in about 30 minutes, will you come home with me?” you ask shocked by your own boldness. the way you are looking at him he thinks he might die. “god i'll be wherever you want me.” the effect you had on him was unreal. “let me drop off my truck and i'll be back in fifteen”, “be quick” you say as you twirl his hair with your fingers. have you always been this hot?
kiyoomi was convinced was losing his mind. he has never moved faster in his life. he doesn't even remember driving his motorcycle back to your shop. all he knew is that he was walking back into your shop with more determination than he's ever felt before. “hi handsome” you say as he drapes his body against yours. “almost done?” he asks as he kisses your cheek. “i have about fifteen minutes before i can go but i'm all done.” you turn to kiss him as he plays with the waistband of your jeans. the kiss is messy and hot, he felt weak in the knees. “i can think of a few things to pass the time” he says as he breaks away from the kiss.
you smile looking up at him, his face was flushed and you could help but be proud of the effect you had on him. “please let me eat you out” your jaw drops at his words. “here?” you ask and he grins “here” he says as he drops to his knees in front of you. you could finish from just looking at this beautiful large man on his knees in front of you. “god please” he's quick to unzip your pants and slide them down your legs. he places small kisses along your thighs as he moves to put your legs on his shoulders. he kisses you through your underwear and you whimper softly. sliding your underwear to the side he starts softly using his tongue, and puts a finger inside you as he continues.
you grip his hair and squeeze your thighs against his head as he quickened his pace. “harder” he whimpers into you and you squeeze harder. god his tongue piercing is incredible. you are getting close to finishing, and he can tell. he moans into you like this is pleasuring him just as much as it is you. “more kiyo” you moan out. he moves faster as he inserts another finger. the nickname could have made him cum in his pants. you are quickly approaching your high as you stutter out an “im close” he's moving faster than before, focused on you and only you. he's eating you out like a man starved, the cold metal of his piercing mixed with the warmth of his fingers had you seeing stars.
you moan his name as you finish and he cleans you up with his tongue. your legs were shaking as he stands up and licks the rest of you off of his slender fingers. “you're so incredible” you say as you wrap your arms around him and kiss him, the taste of you still on his tongue. “i've been dying to do that for two years” he says as he pulls away from you. “i love you kiyoomi” you say looking him in the eyes, "i've been dying to tell you that for two years" mustering the courage to confess everything to him. “god i love you” he says cupping your face in his hands as he kisses you again. “i love you i love you i love you” he says softly in between kisses. "ill spend forever making you feel it."
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dhmis-autism · 6 months
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im new to dhmis tumblr do you have any dhmis blogs you recommend i check out?
OH HIIIII HI HI HI OKAY SO. I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS IN THE LIL. tumblr dhmis sphere and theyre all great and lovely and I'll introduce you to them all and YOU can decide who you want to follow okay? OKAY!!
First up is my lovely friend Lulu @lulu-draws-stuff who has a cute very crayony pastelly style! :] They also have a keen fashion sense and love drawing the guys in new and fun outfits! They also have some very cute funny comics in there that I very much reccomend -v- )b
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Next is my good friend Sodie.. @mtsodie who also runs the account @dailydogdadduo and he has a very textured, experimental style with a lot of variety! Very fun! A lot of his pieces like, you could swear were by different people if you didnt know better, that's how good he is at it!
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Also my friend @its-mayo0 draws a TONN of great DHMIS stuff, their style is very loose and colorful! It's extremely funny stuff and I love the way they mix cartoonish antics/proportions with sincerity, their stuff is SOOO FUN!!
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theres also @carehounds which is run by my buddy Fio! Theyre most well known iirc for spurring off the little fandom thing of people making their own versions of the trios? Though if you're new you might not know that. Good stuff, esp if you want to see a new spin on the old guys!
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There's also all these great pieces from other friends of mine who aren't necessarily DHMIS centric blogs!
On the more written side of things, one of my friends Pere ( @marsupials-of-mars ) is actually writing a pretty good fanfic atm that's still currently updating- but they also do art as well if youre SOLELY looking for that.
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Then there's Am @gnomeniche who I believe is mostly well known for their DHMIS analysis posts, they break down a lot of different aspects of the characters and the show (usually with a twinge of meta in the analysis) and, like Pere above, also make fanart on top of that! Though I will warn you a bit that their analysis is very… academicy? Lots of complex concepts and big words that you might not fully get on the first go round. But thats okay! Theyre lots of fun to reread! ^_^ )b
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Also in the analysis sphere is my friend Gray @yellow-pig! They also do a pretty good job breaking things down and they talk often about theories and parallels and reoccurring elements in the show, some that I didn't even notice myself! Very fun. As with my other analysis friends, they ALSO draw some! Isn't that wonderful! How the love of this show supersedes mediums!
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Also on the writing side but more on the funny side I would say is definitely Roswells' DHMIS blog @joepelling , lots of headcanons and jokes and fun info about the people BEHIND DHMIS. Their side blog, @dailythreeofthem is also really good if you want references for drawing the main three yourself!
I hope this was helpful and I hope it was a good start!! :D
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bloopitynoot · 18 days
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Reading SVSSS: Chapter 7
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For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.
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A new day a new chapter! Today we get into the Water Prison. The real question: will Shen Qingqiu actually make it out?
No Charlie pics today, I have been abandoned at my reading/writing station, but I do have tea! Tea today is a blueberry jasmine.
Let's get into it!!!!
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What the fuck?! Is this an acid lake? p89
Dang it really is crazy how after two accusations with zero evidence or proof that Shen Qingqiu actually did anything, he get's locked up in maximum security prison. p89
Right now I'm having war flashbacks from MDZS -> another protagonist out here doing their best with the rest of the world just making shit up about them for fun. RE: Little Palace mistress and her delusions of what SQQ did. She literally even says- he didnt say you did anything but I have a vibe. Like what? p91
We are gathered here today to all witness how Shen Qingqiu is once again refusing to acknowledge that he is indeed the Love Interest. Honestly, does anyone ever tell him? I live for the day the system changes his classification from villain to Love interest and actually tells him this. Idk if it happens, but now I need it to happen. Re: "what fit even less was the fact, in the original work, the Little Palace Mistress's refined iron whip had only been used for attacking love rivals" p93
Luo Binghe to the rescue!! p94 just catching that whip
Okay but when SQQ states that something is wrong with the script- is he actually on the path to understanding? or still clueless? I hope he sort of realizes what's happening, because dang this guy has 0 idea Luo Binghe would kill for him p95
OOP. "There is no need for Shizun to be so wary. If I wished to do something to you, I wouldn't need to touch you at all" p96
Re: point above about "is he understanding?" *deep sigh * SQQ has not learned at all and refuses to actively listen. He is still trying to follow the old script p.97. Okay but I do love how this guy is accidentally getting himself (in a weird way) romanced.
I honestly am pretty sure this is a dating sim XD "*to the system* Do you think we're playing a dating sim?!" p99
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omg torture via demon blood is horrible. Like this is a worst nightmare, having little bugs in your organs NO THANKS. p101
I'm crying LOOOOOL two options; 1. the fake jade guanyin. 2. [Activate Small Scene Pusher] and gets his CLOTHES ripped off. Bro is now the lead in a period bodice ripper XD p102
*face palm* "Does it just take advantage of Luo Binghe's physiological disgust upon seeing a man's half-naked body?" p104. no my man, it is not disgust
oh no, giving him his outer robe made it more scandalous p104
RIP confirmed that that is the previous canon's sex robe p106
literally everyone has a feeling about what's up. Gongyi Xiao is eyeing SQQ, see's the robe and does indeed assume things about SQQ and Luo Binghe. How stupid is SQQ??? p107
Re: the note from Shang Qinghua to SQQ. Shang Qinghua is also an idiot, this guy had 1 job and that was to not fuck up the mushrooms. he goofed this exponentially. RIP those mushrooms. p109
Welp. Gongyi Xiao is realizing that Luo BInghe may not be as pure of heart as he thought p112
it's so much worse though- he really thinks that Luo Binghe assaulted SQQ and is now helping SQQ escape. p113
meanwhile SQQ is living in his own universe LOL no idea these are the assumptions. Also, IDK what's going to happen when Luo Binghe inevitably see's SQQ in Gongyi Xiao's robe. RIP GYX p115
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Okay but SQQ I too would freak the fuck out if I had a walking/wake dream. Meng Mo's realm is no joke. p120-121
Dang Luo Binghe has become so strong. This dreamscape is insane. pp 124-126
again with the clothes ripping. I hope one day they enjoy this consensually. p127 (blessed be this canon for the fanfics)
in which SQQ does not realize that the fight in the dreamscape is indeed not a fight- it is most definitely foreplay. p128
I fucking KNEW IT Luo Binghe was NOT pleased with SQQ wearing Gongyi Xiao's robe. LOOOL. p130
but also I don't know what became of GYX but let's take a moment to remember him, I am sure he did not make it.
oh gosh more tragic SQQ backstory :( p132
I am glad I clocked it in the last chapter. Something was so fishy about the family that took him in and his "betrothal" my heart for SQQ :( :( :( p134
Okay get it Ning YinYing!!!! Re: her talking shit to and about Little Palace Mistress to her face! p138
yes she got slapped but still she did a pretty good job! and her sect siblings have her back.
That is it for today!!
Oh god. ofc we leave on a cliffhanger with a shady guy ready to super saiyan AND the next chapter is ominously titled "Death". I am not prepared for this!
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oshalittlestar · 2 months
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saw a lot of TheAc. criticals post from angry/disappointed fans going around my dashboard these past few days -? tumblr algorythm when i catch you - whose recurring (and sometimes only) argument against it, is that Osha is OOC, (mostly starting from ep5) and would never have acted/done this kind of stuff to Sol, betraying the jedi, and mainly that [ep5 to 6] ruined the show.
and okay. okay. if you didnt like the turn and direction the show's taken, i understand, i have my beefs with other series/movies too, so here i'm only trying to share my own perspective on Osha's development, that some may have considered too 'sudden' and 'ooc',
and i completely get why others might see it differently and not be comfortable with it. their feelings are just as valid and legitimate.
but, her being out of character is something i just cannot quite 'accept', if only for the sake of 'rightful' criticism the show may have toward the end:
Osha [and by extension the Acolyte too, but this post is abt Osha] is a brand new character we just been introduced to for the very first time, no old reference, no comics, nothing. and that's something important to note, because in the 4 episodes we had before the 'infamous' ep5, the most we got on Osha's characterization was very 'scarce' in reality, and not really 'set in stone' by the narrative
( contrary to Anakin skywalker, for example: notice the stark difference between how they portrayed him in the 3 prequels movies, and the Clone wars cartoon - 2008. Here, we had 3 long ass movies to get used to Anakin's character, his story, his relationship with Obi Wan and Padme, and how his fall played out, and it was credible. What wasn't though, (beside the fact the cartoon did some blatant damage to how people now view Anidala and Anakin - cough cough sorry cough cough it was my first otp -) was that they heard some..fans didnt like the not 'virile' enough Anakin from AotC/Rots and thought, well, lets take the worst of him in the movie, all his flaws, his dark emotions, and lets mix it to give the fans some kind of jock/popular-aligned/macho-light w/ anger issues/possessive of his girl/action stoic/terminator hero, and nevermind the characterization already etablished by the 3 movies.!)
so, back to Osha in the first 4 eps:
first, from her interaction with her meknek 'bud', Fillik. She's friendly enough - not that much, she didnt went out with her crew/ nor she wanted to share her doings with him (yeah, you can put that on her preferring her privacy/but also: her Jedi's teachings! it did take roots in her very being, her mind and consequently her everyday's life after!), but she knows how to level the mood, and doesnt hesitate to go toward something ..dangerous, if it need to be repared, even if this something is trauma related, like fire...(mmmh. im not saying it's forshadowing, but it was without doubt the first indication that she wasnt at peace with her past - and vice versa, that she's have to confront it)
second, from Yord. it's the first figure from her 'second' past life we/she see. She's a little playful, teasing him, not even a little wary when she sees him again after all this time, and most importantly she seems to trust him from the get go, thats why it hurts her that way! - and it matters, that it was him first, i think. Sol wouldnt have had the same - ah! - detachment, ironically as Yord. Yord, with whom she likely used to train with as a Padawan, and who didnt see her for 6 whole years after she left the Order. so for him to not trust immediately her words, her, it highlights from the start that the connection she had with the Jedi Order is no more, -at the very best holding on a veeery light thread- since she left it behind all these years ago; and even if in the 3 following episodes, Jecki, Sol, Yord (to some extent venestra) believe her, there's always this gap in the back of her/our mind, between her and the Order, that she cant seem to fill...
thirdly, from Sol. do i need to say more?? okay, i will only say that: blind trust. there's nothing this man could do to make Osha dislike him, or acting ill toward him, he held the truth, 'controlled - take this word with a grain of salt, when i say 'controlled', it holds no malicious intent from Sol, - the narrative, for years ! (and here im not saying he was a villain, i am not demonizing him nor am i saying he was an abusive piece of shit at ALL just so we're clear. ik my words may seem cold and harsh) but, indeed, Osha had no special reason to be mad at him, there was this parental/father figure she saw in him, replacing what she had lost on Brendok... ( but the savior hold as much weight to their relation me think.)
and lastly, from the twins/her coven's interactions, and how she (and we, watchers!) interpreted a lot of things 'wrong' because..povs !! To name just a few :
Osha is literally torturing the poor insect: Mae copying her and since Osha is the one calling her out on it, her sister is seen in a bad light by the viewer, since we identify a lot more with Osha, the 'light' twin
Osha getting mad at Mae for taking a sneekpeak at her drawingbook (she needs the space from her sister, who wont give it to her, who's becoming too much, too close, she needs to breathe alone, and it gives the impression that Osha is trapped, in some kind of 'prison')
Osha seeing her sister lighting it on fire just after locking her up, aaaand the fire expanding, fast (we dont see Mae panicking!!!) i'll admit, the show did a good fucking job at trolling us, into thinking Mae was some sort of... 'unhinged' and 'deranged' sister, who set the entire coven on fire 'just' to keep Osha : thats why i also cant get behind these 'ooc' accusations, because, as flawed as the writing might have gotten at some parts - and other things, but i wont dwelve on that here, the Acolyte was, from start to finish, headed in one direction, fully centered on Osha/Mae subversion arcs, and Osha ascension to the dark side: its all the emotional unbalance i mentioned above, in her interactions with Sol, Yord, her family, and how the serie choose to present us with Osha's version of the story first.
and finally, the fact everyone is throwing 'OOC' around to describe Osha's actions is, very mid 'critic' at best, and inherently contradicting the core message of the Acolyte, which is that everyone can do 'evil' and destructive acts in the name of what they may consider the greater good, whether they're justified or not (Sol/Mae parallels go hard in that sense), and inversely the most 'evil' character can be all in all, very honest -Qimir, even back in Khofar didnt really lie did he? - and vulnerable in his presentation: the revealing of his intention toward Osha etc etc..)
aaand im done i dont know if what i wrote made sense (i dont want to cringe so im not rereading this but know that if there're any typos or weird turn of phrase then its normal :)
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olvitier · 7 months
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Sorry its so late buf i am in an Edling mood tonight and I will never stop thinking about the idea of how theyre the epitome of right person wrong time.
(obviously in a context of like fandom shenannigans where canon events arent 100% set in stone like edling arent canon but also idc !! they are to me! im ignoring it let me be insane) ANYWAY
Even if they wanted to be together post promised day Ling has all the responsibilities of Xing and his clan and Edward would never hold him back from that for a second. Im of the opinion that brotherhood Edward feels a lot of guilt for wanting love from the people around him particularly those he sees as good (winry, alphonse, etc) especially if hes done things hes perceived as hurting them (maes’ death, the transmutation, etc etc). Which is why I think Edward connects with Ling so well cayse he doesnt carry the weight of a lot if his past mistakes, and then when the stone happens its like goddamn it i roped this guy into my shit again. Like i dont know Edward doesnt really dedicate himself so fully to people outside of winry and ed a lot so its interesting like!!
He cares about a lot of people like the majority of the allied cast and we see him be openly affectionate towards Nina and Hughes pre their deaths but I think Ling is the only person hes ever decided to stick with WITHOUT alphonse? I may be wrong but the whole sure Ill stay with you and trust my brother and Winry to stay safe and follow you around the outskirts of the east for a week till the promised day to protect my new friend is so??? what?? huh???
But anyone my point is post promised day Edward cant really ever see a future with Ling because of all the responsibility Ling holds outside of him and its veyr tragic imo like especially because in a different scenario if Ling didnt have those responsibilities and Edward wasn’t so dedicated to the people around him to a fault of never thinking about his own desires I think they could have the possibility of a future.
Like I have read a lot of fanfiction abiut Ed traveling to Xing and living with him there but?? I realistically cant see him ever doing that just solely because Edward is not the type of person to settle down! like its my one and only criticism of the fma manga is that I cannot see Edward ever being satisfied with a simple life? Like even in Fma 03 which is my favourite interpretation of Edwards character once he gets stranded in our world he learns?? Rocket Science?? For the chance to get back to Amestris but he doesnt really seem to take that goal all that seriously especially considered Alfons ends up getting involved in a lot more aircraft projects than Edward like Edwsrd genuinely enjoys learning!!
Im pretty sure he was the one who dragged Alphonse into Hoenhiems office when they were kids after he left, probably to Al’s reluctance of if they were allowed in there, and started ripping through all of his old books just to learn. Edward never stops and it gets so bad that he never stops to even consider himself constantly worrying about getting his brother back or improving the states of others lives especially when! ya know! the whole country is at stake!!
So in a circumstance post promised day where Ed decides what he wants to do (my personal favourite interpretation is either an alchemical researcher outside of directly performing alchemy, ie revolutionizing the circle matrixes and discovering nee combinations or becoming a professor of some kind) I dont think he would give that up to settle again. And obviously Ling cant exactly up and leave being Emperor unless he decides he doesnt want to, im not the most knowledgable on Lings characterization so I wont speak there but!
They have so much fun together and compliment each other and genuinely care about each other so much but their happiness and fulfillment as people to themselves and others make it so its nearly impossible they would ever realistically end up together and its really doomed and tragic!! idk i think about it a lot.
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24hlevi · 6 months
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fluff prompt 1 "there it is, there's that smile." with shoko from jjk with a reader that's like kenshi Takahashi
ah thank you so much for requesting this! 🫶
how did you know i love kenshi?? i didnt know if you wanted reader to be blind like him or not so i didn't, sorry!
— SMILE
shoko ieiri (jujutsu kaisen) x gn!reader
genre: fluff
summary: fluff prompt ("there it is, there's that smile") from my 2.5k event
warnings: post!shibuya arc
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after the events of shibuya with gojo being sealed, nanami being killed, and many others being critically injured, it was difficult for shoko to get a break or even a simple moment to relax. that was, until you showed up in her little workplace.
you knocked on the wall a couple of times to show your presence, and shoko lightly jumped, turning around to see you standing there.
"hello, y/n," she said, and evident tiredness in her voice as she spoke.
"how are you doing?" you asked, walking towards her.
shoko shrugged. "as well as i can be for my friends dying or being sealed in one night."
you hummed, nodding your head and stopping in front of her. "be honest with me, ieiri."
she let out a short sigh. "let's go outside, i don't think i can stay in here any longer."
"okay," you nodded again, following her outside.
as soon as you two reached the fresh air outside, shoko pulled out a cigarette and lighter, lighting it and immediately taking a drag from it.
"i thought you quit," you said.
"old habits die hard," she responded, taking another drag from it. "you should understand that."
"i do," you nodded, leaning against the railing. "i apologize for not being able to see you much during all of this happening. it's been rough on all of us but, technically we're the last two standing excluding yaga."
shoko hummed with a nod, tapping the cigarette to ash it over the railing. "i mean, there's still him," she said.
you knew who she was speaking of. geto, of course. but, you had a feeling he wasn't the same as he was when you all were students. he didn't seem to be the same guy you knew back then. "i guess you're right," you said. "but, he's not the same."
"i know," shoko sighed, resting her head on the palm of her unoccupied hand. "i don't know what to do anymore. i was barely able to help maki, but everyone else is..." her voice trailed off as she looked at the ground.
"hey," you placed a hand on her shoulder. "you're doing the most you can. none of us expected it to go this way. but, you need to take a break. you're going to overwork yourself and it will be detrimental to you."
"i'll be alright," shoko replied, taking a drag from the cigarette and ashing it again. "it's nothing new at this point."
you were silent for a moment before looking down at her. "how about we go out to eat tonight? just the two of us," you suggested.
"what?" she finally looked up at you, her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.
"c'mon, you need a break, ieiri. let me take you out to dinner," you smile a small smile at her.
"are you really asking me out right now?" she asked, ashing the cigarette one last time and tossing it over the railing.
"would that be a bad thing?" you retorted, your smile growing. "you can always say no, it won't hurt my feelings."
"as long as you pay, i'd really like to go," she answered, a smile forming on her face.
"there it is, there's that smile," you say, smiling down at her.
"shut up," she gently shoved you.
"don't be like that, ieiri," you chuckled lightly. "i will gladly pay for whatever you want."
"even more sanity?" shoko joked.
"even more sanity," you nodded. "lord knows we all need some more of that."
"you're lucky you're cute," she mumbled, shaking her head.
"so then you'll let me pick you up around eight?" you asked hopefully.
"sure," shoko nodded. "a minute late and i'm not going, though."
"oh my, so scary," you put your hand on your chest in fake fear. "i won't be late though, don't worry."
"you better not be."
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Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me
oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?
i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had
what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism
but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"
because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison
if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will
i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling
and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?
i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.
but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it
and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself
sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla
#just finished watching the movie and i had actually forgotten but at the end shes a vampire again!#they totally gave us a super great opening for more conflict to explore hollstein's relationship#bc carmilla sort of puts closure to her past by taking responsibility for her part in it and it makes her a vampire again#and laura is like 'dont give up on our life together' and shes like 'im not giving up on anything!'#and laura is like 'we're supposed to live and get old and have grandkids how are we gonna do that if you dont age'#so thats a great set up#im putting the fic im writing i think another 5 years in the future#bc the movie is 5 years from the end of the series and im doing another 5 years so it's 2024#but theres so much opportunity to play there. theres conflict. tehres problems to solve. but theyre in a good place#i dont think they ever specify how vampires are made in this universe#therees some posts on carmillas blog where she responds to asks abt why she doesnt turn laura or if she would#and she just says 'you have no idea how this works'#but that was still during the series and the writers obviously wanted to keep their options open and their writing cards a bit closer to#the chest#but at this point you could make laura a vampire#you could explore that. see how they both feel abt that. would bea difficult decision#theyre also not married yet in the movie#they celebrate carmilla's 'rebirthday' where she turned human again#you could do a thing where they turn laura on that same day. sort of make that their wedding#not an easy decision i think. i think it would take a lot of discussion to get them there but not impossible#and would be fun to explore. both their feelings abt all that. and like anotehr 5 years in the future where they are in their lives#idk idk. brainstorming#thanks for giving me an opportunity to infodump a little :)#carmillaposting
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scream4ash · 2 months
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tw 4 addiction, talks of self harm, talks of disordered eating, mental illness, self destructive tendencies, just overall me being a piece of shit.
hey, guys. ash here. i guess i wanna apologize for just dissapearing. when i had originally started posting, and decided i was going to be a writer i was sober, n in a better headspace. since then i have relapsed, n fallen into the cycle of addiction n destruction n just overall have not been in a good place.
i have struggled with substance abuse since i was around 13, mainly being alcohol or weed due to easy access. more recently in january of this year i had started abusing antihistamines. that way, i could tell myself it was just medicine, there was no harm in what i was doing. for those of you who don’t know, antihistamines are anti-allergy meds.
on march 17, i had overdosed. my girlfriend had found me on my bedroom floor seizing out. i was brought to the hospital via ambulance, n released the same day. i would love to say i stopped, n i realized the way im going would kill me, but i didnt. i had overdosed again 8 days later. this time when i was brought in to the er i was put on suicide watch. then i wouldve denied any attempts at harming myself, but deep down i didnt care the outcome. though im just now realizing i never really cared about what’d happen to me, but i think part of me always knew. i knew the consequences, i decided that god shall decide my fate.
i was then transferred from the er to a psychiatric unit where i was treated for depression n bipolar disorder.
when i was released a week later i decided it would be a new chapter. i had gotten a job, i was sober, n most importantly people saw me.
that lasted for around two months. the euphoria i felt had all come crashing down. i had slowly rejoined the forgotten, my own friends forgetting about me. i had fell back into isolation n self-hatred. i was fading out again, n no one noticed. no one noticed when i had started skipping meals, or the way my body physically could not allow itself to keep a single bite of food down, or the lack of sleep, even the empty look in my eyes. i have yet again fallen into the hand of addiction, seeking comfort from what i know is no longer there, what may have never been there in the first place. i have barely left my house, only going outside to walk my dog. i can no longer recognize who i see in the mirror. more recently i havent even been able to get out of bed to go to work.
i feel the need to clarify that i am 19 years old, the life i am living is not the life to live. i am actually all alone in the world. guys, if u, or a friend, or a parent, or a loved one, hell even ur worst enemy. if anyone u know, or may know of is struggling with addiction, let them know you are there. let them know that you havent gave up, youre still fighting for them. if ur thinking about trying drugs, or alcohol, hell even weed. don’t. take it from me. dont.
i havent been very active on here, n i am sorry. i am going to reopen my requests and start posting short works/blurbs. i will also get to the requests in my inbox, n those will be filled as blurbs. again, i’m sorry 4 bailing on you guys.
also so super sorry for the sob story, idk. kinda feels good to get this shit of my chest. idk, makes me feel like u guys know me kinda.
@calumikey @ashen-char @f4ngtooth @theactualqueenelizabeth @brittanysnowsgf @iheartambss @phorsphyn @spiderb00 @allsovls @jennaortegaswifey @liaisbaeee @xxxninjaxxx23 @chaejiberry @nohumanityhope @blakeroni @mm-myluv @amberfreemanmygirlfriend @lilahaga @mikeymisser @carolcunha7 @not-alesha @burninghotlava @shaunashipmanism @chaoticghosthoagiegoop @paigesbabymama @spidersareskrunkly @ghostampire @cursedashes @yveslish
tried to tag all of my followers, or as many that it’d tag. idk, i really want this to be seen.
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romanarose · 9 months
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Life update if anyone cares.
I only post this bc i was posting my depressing shit for months and a lot of people were reaching out in concern <3
cw sever depression, self harm, suicide, csa, SA, all the bad. but also lots of good <3
TLDR: Despite a god-awful semester, i got all a's and b's
Everyone thats been following me the last few months has seem my personal posts about how fucking awful things have been for me.
I've dealt with fact I can no longer deny that what happened to me was CSA, despite being on a milder side of things. That sparked an absolutely spiral. I didnt sleep for months which made things worse. School, I got an F on a midterm and i NEVER get F's on writing assignments.
Work had its complications and i quit and then rescinded that quit two days later. I was so constantly depressed in my dorm my roommate literally told me i needed to go to the basketball game with them bc i was sitting in a depression hovel none stop. I only went to services twice this whole time, one shabbat and once for Rosh Hoshannah.
I burned the ever living fuck out of my fingers, yall remember that one? lol.
In novemeber i had relapsed so severely on self harm i thought i had accidentally killed myself. I should've called 911. I thought I was bleeding out and/or going into shock. I then worked myself up more by going down pages of the internet about medical shook and people dying from it. that did not help my heart rate. I couldn't stand, I couldnt see straight for a while.
I could not afford an ambulance or a hospital stay as i am uninsured and only ork 25 hours a week. not a lot of money.
All this happened and I didn't miss work. This is not a brag, this is me not being able to makegood choices for myself.
Finally, thanksgiving break hit. Thank fucking god. I WANTED to use those 4 days of absolutely nothing to get to my TWO BIG RESEARCH PAPERS I HADNT STRTED YET but alas, I was SICK. I was so sick, in fact, and so hoped up on cough medicine for 3 days i was incomprehensible.
I was so physically ill, i couldnt even think about how mentally ill i was. I slept and slept and slept. And by the time sunday hit, I felt so recharged.
My failed midterm was so bad and so not me my professsor reached out to me. Im close with him (in a v appropriate way lol, hes a bruce springsteen fan too) and i felt comfortable telling him essentially that for a few months there things were severe, and I really should've gone in for a 72 hour hold multiple times and i was not safe. through a few lines of resources, I ended up back in therapy bc my school added a new therapist that is a woman (i stopped going last year bc i didnt like seeing a man)
I like my new therapist.
Anway, in about 2 weeks I wrote 2 12 page research papers, 2 book report papers, 1 science paper did 2 presentations, took 2 finals, wrote 2 more finals with essay questions, and at the end of it all, not only did I not fail any classes...
I GOT ALL A'S AND B'S! Which means my gpa is still high enough to renew my scholarship for my last year
I am so fucking proud of myself for accomplishing all this despite suffering so fucking badly. I havnt felt pain like that in years, just agony.
I had a down turn again over christmas bc my siblings were literally ass, upto and including making fun of me for not ating (i am multiple accounts of sexual trauma from several people, so im scared of dating), making fun of my eating, and my sister slapping me and my older brother hitting me. Was a bad time. But for right now, im in the place im staying for break (all january) im back at my old day care and they love me, and olive garden at this store has been going great
Im hoping next semester to be better, im hopful at least
Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who has supported my writing has supported me through these times. It makes me happy that i came her to share my silly little moon knight x reader series, not really intending on writing a whole lot, but next thing i know, i have friends and a lil community. so thank you <3
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