#didnt even last a year
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hmm, kinda very sucks tbh, when i had my meltdown last summer they were there for me and stuff
#i do have issues keeping up long term friends yeah#didnt even last a year#this follows the trend tho of ppl that reach out to me cuz im weird or fascinating to them cuz of how i act just like#end up not talking to eachother in less than a year#many things wrong with me this is a red flag to anyone wanting to know me more#i say it again and again i am better as a concept#please know i mean that.
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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big butch bears in love
#anthro#my art#bear#butch#artists on tumblr#butch4butch#this has been in my files forever Sorry#last year i posted a incomplete version on tumblr and then i just didnt post it anywhere else lol#i actually drew the bulk of this last february and touched it up in march#but i aint like how the claws turned out so i posted a cropped version of this on twitter and never ever posted the finished version#even after redoing the claws months ago#they call me the consistent art poster#ocposting#misha#tseren#tsersha
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Snap: *draws a Megaman-inspired Magneto*
Me: ...Perfect modernization.
wait now that its not 3AM i can do you one Slightly better
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#magneto#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#this is legitimately the most self indulgent thing ever ive been wanting to draw magneto like a robot master for months vjAELKJAE#i thought about adding the little 'ears' robot masters/reploids have but not this time#whats funny is that during my initial redesigning i WANTED to pay homage to erik's trench coat look buuuutt i couldnt figure how#so thank you sigma for. letting me steal your shit vjELKAEJ#i havent drawn megaman characters in like. years good lord- whats funny is that magnetman Was one of my faves to draw#which doesnt mean much since i loved drawing pretty much all the robot masters equally LMAOOO#i remember some freak got pressed at me for doodling metalman during class once like dawg what is your problem#bruv leave me ALONE let me draw you are not my mom#anyway. as i said last night i dont have my usual evening class so i figured id fill the time doodlin these#they didnt take long- i think thats why i like drawing This magneto outfit so much#reminds me of my megaman doodlin days ... also it's genuinely just quick as hell WHICH. makes sense#all that done im done megaman-inspired posting thank you for the opportunity anon im glad you appreciated it :]]#im gonna go eat now my tummy rumblin. theeeeeeen i guess ill drive home ???? i guess.#it's almost saturday so that means i get to post more asks- ive been hoarding them throughout the week#so i apologize if some people have been waitin i PROMISE i havent been ignoring i just wanna draw somethin for it </3#ok im eating now BYYYYYYEEE
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GIVE ME MY BODY BACK
#terras got it rough he got his body heart and soul all split apart and seperated#all stuck in places where they have little to no control and no hope of becoming himself again#and its like this for 10+ years. literally the only 'victory' he has is the fact he made the guy who body-napped him lose his memory#and even that was only partially#i guess u can the fact hes still 'alive' (in the loosest sense possible) as a win too#but uh. im not sure enduring all that for so long really counts as a win#also unrelated to body-napping but i realized that#the last thing he saw of ven was of him being frozen solid and dropped off a cliff 🙂#like he didnt see what became of him after that for all he knew ven couldve died#terra#terra-xehanort#terra nort#terranort#? how do i tag him#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts birth by sleep#kh#kh bbs#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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weeee redraw cooldown for tonight
(march 2024 - february 2023)
#i didnt even mean to make this a redraw it just happened#anyway. improvement yay! didn’t realize how much my arts changed since last year#undertale#papyrus#frisk#my art
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What do I have to do to get out of here? Who do I have to beg on my knees to so I can leave?
Get me out of my house
P@yPal: twitchyjayson
Current Goal: $55/$800
#twitchy talks#commissions#donations#emergency commissions#I'm broke now with my main savings that was seperated from this#Main savings was for food and bills and essentials and since I just paid my phone bill Im now broke#Every month now that this goes on I might have to pull money towards moving out just so I can keep living here#Which sucks ass and I refuse to do but have no choice#Im so tired man I'm sorry#Didnt mean to vent in the tags#Also within this and the last post I was rejected another job#It was FOR people on the spectrum who struggle with jobs and you know why I didnt qualify?#Because I didnt live in that town#Which they didnt say that when applying#I had a whole interview and it took maybe a month before they got back to me because of two emails asking to tell me no#Devastating#Theyll at least keep me on record in case closer locations are added but????#how long would that me for even a chance of it being in my town? years?#I dont have years to wait sorry
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The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese
Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since
#one piece#haikyuu#hinata shoyo#roronoa zoro#(kinda)#omfg okay time for my entirely SEPERATE POST IN THE TAGS#i only got into one piece at the end of last year... but ive been in the anime and manga scene for like. my entire life#i cannot understate how WILD it is that I havent noticed how everywhere one piece is....#like once i read it... i started finding it EVERYWHERE#my sister gifted me an issue of shonen jump ages ago cause i liked act age and kimetsu no yaiba chainsaw man promised neverland etc#and it doesnt have like a one piece chapter in it actually (to my disappointment)#but IT DOES HAVE A LIL ADVERTISING SEGMENT AT THE FRONT TALKING ABOUT OKIKU FIGURINES AND OTHER ONE PIECE CRAP#AND IDK IT LITERALLY JUST BLEW MY MIND#ONE PIECE DIDNT EXIST IN MY LIFE BUT.... IT DID????#I HAD ONE PIECE MERCH BEFORE I EVEN BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT??? (hahah if you can consider a tiny segment mentioning okiku op merch XD)#just imagine suddenly being obsessed with a piece of media. and then you look around ur room and U SUDDENLY RECOGNISE A CHARACTER MERCH???#ITS BEEN IN UR ROOM FOR YEARS BUT YOUVE NEVER REALLY EVEN NOTICED IT OR JUST BRUSHED IT OFF WHENEVR U SAW IT#BUT ITS THAT CHARACTER!!!! ITS THAT MEDIA THAT UR MADLY IN LOVE WITH????#also im being 100 percent legit when i say that the sense of comeraderie i feel when someone says theyve ALSO read one piece#is insane#discovering that domics and worthiikids and all these other big youtubers that ive known for years have loved one piece like me?#it makes my heart clench and my eyes water man#ive never felt so connected to the world... one piece really is peak fiction.....#i love one piece's community sm....
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childhood friends danny and jason miscellaneous thoughts: because why not, i'm reworking ch2 because it no longer fits with the remaster of chapter 1 so i've been thinking of them, and i love talking about them. which you should totally go read the remaster because its 26k words and im very proud of it and it barely got any attention.
First off Ellie vapes. Mostly because I think its real fucking funny. The first time Danny finds out about it he gets all up in arms about it. Ellie at first thinks its because she's smoking -- which, helloooo pot meet kettle, Danny has been smoking for a lot longer than she has.
And then he throws a curveball at her and says he's upset specifically because its vaping. Like no, no. Dammit, if you're gonna fuck up your lungs you gotta do it properly, none of this cotton-candy flavored nonsense.
He plays it up for laughs and it's largely non-serious 'i can't believe you're using a vape', if only to hide the fact that he is genuinely displeased with his little sister smoking. Self-destructive behaviors and bad habits are his thing, thank you very much.
But, well, he knows he'd be a hypocrite if he told her he didn't like that she was smoking. He's aware its bad for him, but habits are hard to break and he's not particularly keen to break this one in particular.
Danny bullies her relentlessly about it whenever she vapes in front of him. Like don't be a loser, Elle, carry a carton of cigs and a lighter in your back pocket like the rest of us degenerates.
[more under the cut]
Secondly: Danny's piercings? He got the first lobe piercings as a lost bet from Sam in junior year, and they did it in her room with a needle, a small bottle of blood blossom extract, and an apple. He broke out in hives for a week after thanks to the blood blossom, but it prevented the hole from healing up :)
He got the rest done professionally at a piercing place in the Ghost Zone. He asked Johnny where to find it. Sam and Johnny (and Kitty) nearly convinced him into getting snakebites. He got an eyebrow piercing instead.
Danny's undercut is also self-done, he did it because Technus shot at him with an ectoblast and it missed hitting him, but set his hair on fire. Danny got it out pretty quickly, but it left his hair lopsided and obviously looking like it got burned by something. He went to Sam for help after the fight. He liked the way it looks so he's kept it that way since.
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Vlad brought up Jason once(1) in a taunt during a fight, and this was after Jason disappeared from the ghost zone, and Danny very. very nearly killed him on the spot. He hasn't done it since.
Which leads into the other thing: Grief Triggers! As I call them. All Banshees have them in this au.
While all banshees are, in general, in a permanent state of grief, Grief Triggers are a specific emotional response that can cause them to spiral into a state of intense, sometimes debilitating sorrow, and most of the time causes them to start wailing.
Banshees know what their Grief Triggers are and in general tend to try and build up a form of resistance against it so that, if something occurs that happens to trigger said grief, they can at least either get away from other ghosts to let loose or have enough control over themselves that it'll take more work to send them spiraling.
As expected, Jason is Danny's grief trigger. He's built up a pretty good resistance to it so that hey, talking about him and his death is easier than when Danny was fourteen. But a little more prodding and it will trigger, especially depending on who brings him up and how. (See: Vlad)
Grief Triggers also manifest relatively the same; with the induction of an intense state of grief and sorrow, but how a banshee acts on it can sometimes vary. Again, it depends on who triggers it and how. Some of them can get,,, violent, depending on how it happens.
Rath, this au's 'Dan', is a case of a banshee being put into the grief state caused by grief triggers and... never really leaving it. Which they usually do on their own, or with help depending on the severity of it.
At the time it happened Danny was going through the worst week of his life a second time: his best friend's ghost disappeared, then his family and friends all died right in front of him, and then he was stuck with someone who wasn't helping him through that grief.
He was already in the grieving state when Vlad tore out his ghost half. As a result, Vlad only made it worse. With that fury thrown into the mix, Vlad ended up getting torn apart and nobody else was close enough with nor could they get close enough to Rath to help him come down from the wailing state.
So Rath ended up getting stuck in a perpetual negative feedback loop of absolute misery, and well... drove himself insane. The rest of the world became collateral as a result.
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the difference between Danny and Jason lies in the fact that Jason died, while Danny is dead.
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I'm having more thoughts on the CFAU/TMWS universe banshees, actually.
Banshees are either born in the ghost zone from ectoplasm and are ecto-entities and work as banshees as how we know of them, or they're human spirits that died mourning someone and that grief was so intense that it turned them into a banshee. They're a little more rare.
These banshees typically mourn only one person, or sometimes they follow their Realm-born counterparts and choose a family to mourn for. Typically their own.
Ember is not a banshee; human spirit banshees are always mourning another person. However, her abilities emulate certain qualities of banshees: like the beautiful singing. But in comparison to an actual banshee, Ember's voice pales.
Does this mean Danny has the better singing voice? Yeah. Ember is incensed by this.
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If canon Danny and CFAU/TMWS Danny met, I think canon Danny would be kinda unsettled or off put by CFAU.
CFAU Danny still has some pretty core Danny traits, at least I like to think so -- his general drive to help people just out of compassion for them (even if it manifests differently at first due to trauma), his wit and humor, his fear of failing to protect his loved ones, all of those resonate with canon Danny.
However, canon Danny, as far as I can remember and as far as his wiki goes, rarely gets extremely angry or emotional. He gets irritated and he gets annoyed but him getting mad I don't think happens super often. CFAU Danny is the angrier one between Jason and Danny. It's one of the things I consider a division point between him and canon Danny as it's a result of him growing up in Crime Alley. Canon Danny is canonically shy and meek prior to becoming Phantom, CFAU Danny couldn't be -- he'd be dead already.
CFAU Danny's anger would off put canon Danny, in my opinion. His anger, his smoking, and for lack of a better term, his bloodlust would unsettle him.
Like, for example, say CFAU Danny gets transported to a canon (or canon-adjacent) Danny's universe. He's staying with canon for a little bit as they brainstorm how to get him back home, and CFAU Danny goes to school with canon if only so that he's not stuck in the house all day.
Whether they try and pass CFAU Danny off as canon's cousin or if the town already knows that he's another version of Danny, it doesn't matter. Because insert Dash.
Dash who, in CFAU Danny's world, has since learned not to fuck around with Danny or the other kids because Danny has long since asserted that he will beat his ass if he does. 'Fucking around' always predates the 'finding out', and Danny is happy to act as consequence.
(As my father told me (paraphrased) when I was a small child and full of uncontrollable anger: "there's gonna be a day where you're gonna hit someone, and they're gonna hit you back")
And canon Dash, who is used to canon Danny who kinda just takes it because it means that he won't target other people, would see CFAU Danny. He'd notice the resemblance between him and canon, immediately try and go "oh new target!", and try and bully him the same way he does to canon. And Danny "I am the consequences of your actions" CFAU Fenton, instantly throws hands.
Just, CFAU Danny is kind but he's also Gotham-raised and full of bite; he's meaner than canon is. He's more ruthless too, especially in his ghost fights. The ease of which he slips into violence would, imo, discomfort canon. CFAU and Canon would eventually get along though, they're not so different that they'd be in constant clash of each other.
(Canon Danny and Danyal Al Ghul however,,, thats another post LMAO)
#cw smoking#cw vaping#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dead on main au#childhood friends au#cfau#dpdc#ugh i could have made this two parts probably#i've had a lot of thoughts on banshees in this au and how i could adjust them#what i didn't get into: the ghostly behavioral affects that danny has gone through since dying. the ghostly mood swings and#heightened emotions that he's had to work through for the last five years.#one of my favorite lines in the remaster is danny mentioning offhandedly that he's gotten better at his mood swings ever since being a ghos#but also implying that vlad has been on the receiving end of these mood swings before and it didnt end well for him#like yessss gurl go through permanent irrevocable changes of your physiology and psyche that has ultimately altered you from the person you#used to be. you are now no longer fully human yess gurl pick up those habits and behavioral changes that is common in the species you've#been turned into even if its only halfway.#iirc i don't think i included obsessions in this au and checking the remaster doc and the word doesn't show up once in all 26k words of it#so hey looks like we get this instead#danny's singing voice is permanently ingrained in my head as sounding like hozier#its very very funny to imagine my au dannys meeting canon danny or canon adjacent danny#cfau seeing dan: who tf is that?? | canon: um.. dan? our evil alternate future self? | cfau: THATS your evil future self??#canon: yeah?? does yours not. look like that? | cfau: NO?#look if dan saw rath he would do a doubletake is all im saying and then would go “what the fuck what the fuck what the fUCK”#turning rath into a horror movie abomination is the fun part of this au and he's never even gonna show up#jason died but danny is dead. it lies in the past and the present. the was and the is. one of us got up and the other didn't
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i used to be so scared when adults told me my life would only get worse once i left grade school, or said that high school would be the best years of my life. there was a lot happening with me that i didn't understand and i was terrified of what would happen once i was in the "real world."
but you know what? i turned 20 last week. i've been out of high school for three years. i can say with confidence that things have gotten better—and i'm better equipped to deal with the bad shit, besides. the best years of my life are still ahead of me.
realistically, yes, i've experienced more serious things than some of the stuff i worried about in middle and high school, but being fourteen is fucking hard. i'm happier than i was then.
so if you're young and you've heard things like that, just know that life happens differently for everyone. some of us are late bloomers. sometimes it takes a while to strike a balance and find your people, but it will happen. it does get better.
#sorry for the ramble i just love my friends#they're extremely supportive#i think my birthday last week was the first year i didn't feel empty#like i was missing out#and i didnt even want anything crazy but my friends sought me out and we had a good time#:)#it gets better#i never used to believe it but it does get better#mental health
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from february 💘
#stranger things#stonathan#i remember drawing this in a barnes & noble because i was doing pretty bad mentally and i knew#that my cure-alls would be my books my tea and drawing these two jackoffs#steve harrington x jonathan byers#i also think the reason i never posted it (this is from either february of this year or february last year) is bc it was meant to#just be a self care thing. didnt want a whole lot of people seeing it#my computer died at the barnes and i was soooo frustrated i walked to a taco bell to plug 'er back in and finish this#that ended up helping too. tacos & stonathan cant go wrong#artings#every now and then i see this in my archives or files and im like huh wow i dont remember drawing this#then i dont look at it for a longggg timeeee#real ones will know that this was drawn in february cuz thats when i headcanon their anniversary meow meow meow#steve harrington#jonathan byers#stonathan art#stonathan fanart#stranger things art#stranger things fanart#also pretend that this is height accurate lol i still have a Lot of problems w this drawing even though i rlly like it a lot#eyes
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#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku ishin#like a dragon: ishin!#yakuza 2#masato arakawa#daigo dojima#ryuji goda#yoshinobu tokugawa#saigo kichinosuke#rintaro katsu#snap sketches#shoving him back in the chair HE DIDNT NEED TO STAND AT ALL IN ISHIN#trying to find chairs from the 1860s made me want to scream cause theres just so much and so many varieties#in any case i just . needed to draw him in a chair#also needed to legally inject a history joke#whats so funny is that like not even like ten years later saigo takamori would get himself killed in the satsuma rebellion#which was a result of the charter oath essentially nullifying samurai ����💀 lmao 💀💀#it's funny in the moment tho. for every reason ever#i love using my education#this why daigo got such heavy beef with ryuji down the line#ok im gona. move on with my day#i had the drawing sketched last night and just wanted to finish it before doin comm stuff but i spent my whole mornin with these 💀#k byebye
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be nice to me!
#myart#wesley crusher#nick locarno#i dont even care about them. ignore this👇#the beautiful dynamic ive built in my head. wesley (most easily manipulated being on this earth) idealizing nick for letting him on the tea#as a sophomore. and trying to live up to that and reallyyy looking up to nick. coach surrogate father and best friend all in one. yeah.#yeah you WOULD look up to him mr . dead father. anyway#and nick having more influence over wes because hes a sophomore and he specially picked him. and using that to his advantage#nick wants to shape wesley in his image wes just wants friends and is terrified of letting nick down. theyre not friends its so much worsee#and then wes realizing that. AGAIN. nicks just been using him. and the last thing nick does is take the fall for the team.#so he wants to hate him and cant and then nick explodes 8 years later . and . yeah !#i think he acts like he hates him more than he does and turns him into this villian in his head. because he cant admit it was his fault too#he wants to just pin the blame on nick and convince himself hes been evil all along. because he doesnt want to admit he misses him#nick was a good team leader and was in over his head and took it out on wes and he was 22 and didnt know what he was doing but he wasnt evi#ANYWAYYYYYYY now i start listing the like 20 EE songs that remind me of them:
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#a doodley#okkk 2022: the torture chamber....i only sparsely drew al and developed talon (he was borned...) bc my mind was occupied with other things.#2023: exiting torture chamber; it took me a tiny little bit to get back to drawing and ''interacting with'' al again but i did it even#though it was a reminder of the Bad bc he's my copium#summer 2023: i view and witness media and suddenly have like 5 fictional men i cant decide on which to focus... and september (talon month)#comes along so I decide to focus on Talon after not touching him much at all throughout the entire year#(forced this btw i did not wanna do it LOL i didnt even remember how to draw him)#september 2023 to now: talon has infiltrated the brain. but i want to swivel back to al#now: i've forgotten how to Talk to al (just like i did in beginning of 2023)#(and just like i forgot how to talk to talon for most of 2023)#so ive kind of just been replaying the smunker cow al daydreams from when they first met#so I can find my way back...retracing my steps#in doing so ive kind of also forgotten how to interact with talon but still havent gotten back to al#so rn my life is so boring without imaginary bf interactions. just the before sleep plot rehashing daydreams...#or sparse visions of em Sometimes#nobody in my brain rn just like the short period last yr and its distressing#what do i draw without a love obsession.....#how do i pass time without it....! so boring. idk what to do#i miss the me of several yrs ago when i was drawing 50 different aus with al....ive downgraded in skill and imagination and creativity#so bad since then. idk. idk. i hope they come back to me soon#maybe i shld just draw al a lot which is how i kickstarted caring abt talon again almost a yr ago ?#hoping i can get him to come back before my surgery i need my big sexy boy nurse for recovery#(complaining abt things usually fixes em for me so im hoping thats the case here)
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Btw it's been one year since my first Käärijä gig woohoo what a year it's been
See you in two months, party guy
#it's closer to december than july so im closer to seeing him next time than the last time#käärijä#my photos#salena#häärijä#jukka sorsa#berlin gig#also he didn't bring a bolero this year for eu tour right? didnt even pack it
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I think we're missing out on the comedic potential of nene getting unwillingly dragged into the wxs school dramas by always being the one emu goes to at school and therefore having to hide her and help her get around unseen
Nene just wants to spend her lunch break in peace but now she's not only immediately attacked by a pink beast, but now being ALSO chased by disciplinary committee tsukasa seeing emu with her and going all "YOU'RE HELPING HER TRESSPASS THEREFORE YOU ARE AN ACCOMPLICE". Then rui sees this and thinks its funny so he joins emunene in the chase and it ends up being a whole clown show with explosions and screaming and confetti that nobody knows where it came from
#bonus points if an sees kusanagi-san in trouble and helps emuruinene all hide bc of her#even tho technically she is an accomplice and causing trouble#“didnt u chase tsukasa for the same reasons as me rn last year” “i guess i did!” “why are u helping me then???” “its funnier this way”#tsks fuming at her at rehearsal later#sign nene up for the clownery too. she deserves it#keri rambles#prsk#wxs#tenma tsukasa#kamishiro rui#kusanagi nene#emu ootori
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