#didn't post in a few days cause uni stuff ^;;

[turpalauri]

Glamtober 2024, Day 22: Ball or ☆ Party ☆

Uh... My wol couldn't wear this glam so... You know... I'll just leave this here...

Glam details ☆

Head: Bonewicca Shadow's Visor Body: ☆ Nothing ☆ Hands: Royal Seneschal's Fingerless Gloves Legs: Nabaath Bottoms of Scouting Feet: Eastern Lord's Crakows

The Bonewicca Shadow's Visor and the Nabaath Bottoms of Scouting can't be worn together without 3rd party tools but the Scouting Bonewicca thingy should be quite similar.

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

[dilfsuzanneyk]

a post about my bbc ghosts oc because @natequarter made a post that reminded me of him!

TW for mentions of alcohol, vomit and some violence

His name is Axel "Ace" Spades (he/him). Ace is basically an oc insert because I thought it'd be fun (sorry for being cringe </3 /hj). He's a 26 year old indie (wanna-be) filmmaker who died around the late-2010s (i'm thinking like March 2017?). Ace has a pretty long mullet (think like bon jovi) and it's dyed bright pink. He usually wears the same pair of crust pants that are layered with a bunch of home-made patches. Aside from that he'll wear the first thing he can find in his closet, so his shirt is always clashing badly with his pants. He's not very tall, about 158cm, and he makes no effort to look taller either. Ace died wearing a shirt that says "heavy metal" in a bubbly font that he cut the sleeves off of, his crust pants, kirby-themed socks and a pair of vans that are caked with dirt.

Most people know him as Ace because he thought it'd be cool to go by that on top of his chosen name "Axel", so there's no real cool story behind it. Spades isn't his real last name either, he just thought it'd be even cooler to be known as "Ace Spades", and he didn't want to keep using his father's name. Basically his whole deal is that he grew up in a very protected and controlling family, so he took uni as an excuse to get out of his parents' house and get as distant from them as possible. His upbringing also caused him to be a really big adrenaline junkie, since his big belief is to take whatever chance, pick whatever fight and do whatever pops into his mind "to make up for lost time". His impulses has gotten him into a lot of trouble physically and mentally, and so has actually had quite a few instances where he died for a moment and was resuscitated or just got waay too close to death, which brings me to his death and his ghostly powers.

The idea at the moment is that he died on St Paddy's Day, after a long night of bar hopping and heavy drinking. He built up the bad habit of being a pretty heavy drinker and a chain smoker. Anyway, at one specific bar, Ace almost started a stupid bar fight and got kicked out. In anger, he hopped on his motorcycle and drove up to the more secluded side of the village he happened to be in. His motorcycle broke down suddenly as he was riding, and it happened to break down right in front of the Button House borders (territory?? i'm not sure of the right english word, i apologise). He tried to walk up to the house to ask for help, but keep in mind it's about 2am at this point and Alison and Mike (and most of the ghosts) are asleep. Ace passes out on the driveway before he can even make it up to the front porch. Robin is the one to find his body really early in the morning while he's on a walk. In his excitement, he runs into the house screaming and wakes everyone up, including Ace himself, who gets up off the floor to look down and find his own body lying face down with a small pool of vomit near him. Long story short, he died in Button House territory, became a ghost, Alison and Mike have to deal with the shit he left behind, and he becomes a menace to them just like all the other ghosts <3 Now for his ghostly powers!! Basically, because of the amount of near-death experiences that Ace went through while he was alive, Ace also had Alison's power of seeing ghosts. He was just convinced that he was crazy, though. However, Alison only had one near-death experiences. Ace has had so many, he was able to wave away the ghosts he saw as "a result of some kind of brain damage". So on top of being able to see ghosts, he could also touch them if he tried hard enough. So because of his condition and the stuff he did while living, his "spirit" in a sense is confused about its state and as a result, Ace can interact with the human world normally if he focuses hard enough (e.g. he can move and touch things, he can be heard by the living) BUT he can't touch humans normally most times since it takes so much effort to do it and it generally is just uncomfortable (because y'know he's still a ghost at the end of the day). He also unfortunately can't touch or interact with his ghost friends, and sometimes he can't even speak or hear them, unless he puts in the same amount of focus and effort he needs to interact with the living. He can always see the ghosts, though, so they all found a way to mime what they want when his ghost powers go funky. Sometimes, his spirit is just too confused that he can't control what it does, so there are moments where he tries to walk through a wall but face-plants right into it, or he tries to speak to Mike/Alison and they don't hear anything. Same for when he tries to speak or hear the ghosts. TL;DR, i have a silly bbc ghosts oc insert that i went a bit too creative and silly with when i was thinking of his ghost powers and now his ghost powers (which would sometimes seem like a blessing to the other ghosts) also is a curse.

[ratcandy]

hey i'm talking about spider/pet death in this post and going on a bit of a ramble about it. not going into explicit details but i am talking about it and how i was feeling so. be wary

tl;dr for below is that I'm okay. It just happened very unnaturally, in a way that really sucked to watch and learn further about, and it was all very upsetting.

it's been a little over 24 hours, and I'm doing better now. Well I mean I broke out into cankersores after all the stress but outside of that I'm fine. Hoping to get the stuff together to preserve her so at least I don't lose her entirely

Actually got myself into a research rabbit hole. Because what happened just seemed so unnatural and so sudden it really didn't sit right with me. Honestly it hadn't sit right with me for about a week beforehand, because she'd been acting so strangely I just didn't think it could be normal. But finding anything about it was difficult, so I chalked it up to her losing her grip with old age and just having troubles holding onto stuff in her enclosure.

But with it gradually worsening, and how she passed, it was... No, that was not old age. I'm not going to go into detail because I still get a bit upset about it, but it's... There's just no way that's how it goes. I refuse to believe it's that agonizing. I don't think I could own a spider again if that's how it ended every time.

So after rummaging through google, reddit threads, various forums, and youtube, I figured out the most likely culprit was something called dyskinetic syndrome or DKS. Apparently it's a little understood, uncommon series of symptoms that usually leads to a spider/tarantula's death within a few days. And after finding videos of it (which I do not recommend watching if seeing animals in pain is hard for you; it's very upsetting), yeah, it was exactly how she was behaving. She had every bit of it.

What frustrates me more though is how there's no agreed upon cause. I've been wracking through my brain trying to figure out what I could have done different for her (because of course, my brain jumps to "this is my fault somehow" with anything like this) and the uncertainty about all of it is so. Frustrating. Some sources say insecticides cause it (which leaves me questioning a million different things wondering how in the world she could've got poisoned), others say it's genetic (which makes a bit more sense to me, especially seeing another story that very was similar to mine in a few other aspects), but it's like. "We don't know!!" and I'm like what do yoU MEAN you DON'T KNOW.

I'm half tempted to reach out to the spider biologist at my uni just to ask him what he knows. Because this is going to drive me crazy. Watching it happen was devastating enough, especially seeing as most spider/T owners will euthanize before its gets too bad because it's just so awful (and now I feel bad for letting it drag out as it had), and now i'm left here triply unsatisfied because I don't even know what caused it.

I can theorize forever (and I probably will) but I'll never know for sure. And it's like. What the hell, man. She deserved so much better than to go out like that

Maybe I'm way too passionate and emotional about a little jumping spider. But girl after like 3 nights straight of constantly supervising her and doing whatever I could think of to make life easier for her, and then her going out the way she had, it was like. Getting slapped in the face out of nowhere when you thought you had at least a month or two left.

Good lird. What a first experience

[depressedtransbian]

Well, it's been a minute, hasn't it? Time has certainly gone by since my last update. So, I'll fill y'all in on things:

-I started SW properly, posting stuff on Reddit. Have a decent-ish following on there, and I figure once I reach 500 followers or so I'll start a proper OF and see how that does.

-I broke up with Ellie (out-of-state partner). No matter what I did, or said, or tried, she would not seek any kind of help for her crippling depression and anxiety. My first wife went through a very similar thing, refusing to seek treatment even though I implored her to, and it took the threat of divorce to get her to a hospital where we discovered her kidneys had shut down completely. I wasn't about to go through that hell again. I can't. Call me what you will, but I can't.

-Moved. Beginning of January we got a notice from our landlord that our rent was going up by $100/mo, and that place was NOT worth that price. So we decided to move. In the process, we got rid of a lot of stuff we didn't need any longer, fixed the bedbug problem (or so we thought; they just popped back up in the last few days after a few months of living here), and managed to find a house to rent as opposed to an apartment, which is what we've been wanting.

-Started seeing a proper psychiatrist in an effort to regulate my meds and boost my mental health.

-Tried to start dating one of the people from our D&D table, who seemed really interested, who then suddenly turned cold right before our date and hasn't shown any romantic proclivities since.

-Got back into online dating, via HER, and found a REALLY cool person whom I'm meeting for coffee (and more than likely more than that) tomorrow evening. And bonus, they also really like Uni, and if things keep progressing like this we might just be in a triad sooner rather than later! Which is awesome!!!

-Had my 40th bday, and Uni got me a stuffie I've been wanting for a while, the Squishables Lich!!!

So yeah, the past few months have been HELLA busy. But things were still going great-ish. Ever since moving Hanna's been super tight about money, which is fine, and she's also been looking at changing jobs to a less stressful one, which is also fine (even though I think the job hunt is causing her more stress than her current job is).

But all that's what it is. I'm just trying to be the best mid-tittied Semi-goth girlfriend/housewife I can possibly be. Some days my energy levels are shit, some days I don't get anything done. But I still try, and that's what matters most.

Cheers, y'all. See y'all soon!

[loveyourlovelysoul]

so as I was mentioning in a previous post about staying in touch with other people, even those that may not be important... there's this "friend"/neighbor which I haven't been talking to for so long. I could say we lost each other slowly cause of life, and even if she moved back in my neighborhood not long ago, we didn't really got closer again. like, at all. I think we just grew apart, and that's okay: at first it hurt ofc but now I totally accept it.

let me explain.

as I started healing recently, I understood it wasn't just her not considering me that much, but also me having said lot of no's to her (more or less openly), for my own fears (parents' overreaction mostly: I wasn't that aware of this habit of mine back then, so I couldn't speak about it and so she didn't know -but probably got something anyway since she often said how tough to deal with they seemed to be). all this ofc made our bond to just become looser and looser as we moved to uni and she moved to other cities and countries, until it basically became inexistent.

despite having shared the same classes and/or school for most of our lives, we also had different backgrounds/upbringings, different friends (despite some common ones), different habits, different characters (she's always been way more extroverted than me while I used to shy away, even if I often followed her doing weird/funny stuff for others), different lives and goals, different personal problems too... even different views on things especially these days (again, it's fine! we met different people and had different experience since when we used to play and talk together as kids and teens, that too formed us into different human beings). I think we were just different and many times she had been pretending... but ofc, I have no objective proof about this: it could be just my (wounded ego) impression nowadays.

anyway. a couple of months ago she gave birth. ofc she didn't tell me (not even when she got married a couple of years ago to a guy I know as well). I found out by chance after our mothers met, despite having been talking a bit with her hubby in the previous months (he didn't tell me anything about the pregnancy as if it was top-secret). I could have decided this was the last time that she/they closed me off, and honestly at first I felt this way while I was saying "Idc, her/their decision". but talking with an external friend I realized: maybe I could just give her a present for her baby and not make all this and our past matter too much. just see how it goes. we're adults and neighbors now, and that's how I can look at us these days. we can turn the page.

so, even if I felt a bit uncomfortable and part of me didn't feel like (especially for the fact that I wanted to feel as our friendship was definitely closed, and I needed to close with the past abruptly), I texted her asking how she was doing and if she had 5 mins for me to go see her and bring her a little thing for her baby. she replied inviting me for a walk. we went out, both pretending everything was fine and nothing ever happened. we kinda had fun talking about the baby, his quirks, about a neighborhood's problem (as adults do) and remembering a few events of our childhood. I felt more grounded than I thought (despite I couldn't always recall all the words I wanted to say, but I haven't been speaking 1:1 irl for a real lot of time now, except for a few words here and there in specific contexts); she was kinda calm too but I think the pregnancy also made her. she has changed especially in her voice, and it felt weird to see her holding a baby and feeding him. she also asked me to help her with the baby carriage when she had to hold him which ofc I did. and then we went back home after an hour or so, I gave her the gift and we both told each other we could have met for a walk another day (I am kinda sure this won't happen -unless it will be me asking? Idk-, it's just one of those sentences you say out of courtesy, but it felt coherent with how that hour went) and that we'll keep in touch anyway about the neighborhood's problem (more likely?): at the end of the day, I asked about her but she didn't ask anything about me and my life/family anyway, not even when we ended up staying silent for a while (it wasn't uncomfortable for me btw, can't say for her).

once I arrived home I was literally freezing cause the sun was gone and it got pretty cold; I had the feeling she kinda wanted to suddenly run away at that time and find another place to go (maybe, Idk), but I was feeling good. I had a nice interaction, out of all the past context we had been through. it helped me start to get back "out there" again, in a kind of "known" environment (in the end, we still have known each other since ages), to be hugged and hug again (even if it wasn't too felt probably, but it works as practice too heh). and also it reminded me that not everyone has to stay in our life forever and we're not supposed to be in everyone's life forever; and that feelings and bonds can change and evolve in something different as well, if we let them too. they can turn calmer, less profound, and more patient and respectful of each one's new life and boundaries. ofc it's not for everyone, for every relationship: there has to be a *silent* agreement between the parts, at least. not saying I agree with why I wasn't told about the baby or other good news or why I wasn't asked about me out of courtesy even on these terms, but... it was her/their decision and I respect and accept it now. as I will respect their spaces and boundaries from now on without really caring. at all and for real, this time. I know where I stand (and where she stands for me), and that's okay: not because I submissively accept it as her/their decision, but because I understand and agree there's no other way.

this meeting really helped me to see things under a new perspective and actually gave closure, in a way, to my past hurt feelings. differently from how building a wall or cutting cords has ever. now I'll just let things be and really not care much, and treat each other politely as random acquaintances/neighbors. but I can say I really feel much more eager to meet new people, to get out there and test myself after all those years of isolation I put myself in while healing (which made me so rusty and didn't help much, even if I kept talking online at least and learning about boundaries here... but that's not the same). I know now I can bear with that stress, no matter how it'll turn out. I feel stronger and more in touch with myself than ever. it's true: what you make other's decisions and behaviours mean about yourself, only depends on you. I was probably *unconsciously* making it all mean that I was not good enough, not even as an acquaintance/neighbor. but even if it is so according to her/them, I decide to not make it mean anything about my present and actual worth: I have been working on myself so hard and so much that I'm far from being the *scared* girl I used to be in the past and they have no clue about it. and I don't need or want to show them anyway as there's no reason for it. I am closing with the past anyway, whether past people will acknowledge it and come with me in my future or not or in what measure/form they will/won't. it doesn't matter. it only matters what I do and think of my path until today. and what I will decide to do and think about it (and me) from today on.

[mageofminge]

where i've been the past few months

just wanna say sorry i haven't been posting as much, for the past few months i've basically been dealing with at least 2 separate health conditions at a time and no matter how much i try i can never seem to get well again. its honestly just been taking a massive toll on my mental health and i haven't been able to do much other than get by on a daily basis.

i'm also just rlly angry rn bc i was always healthy before but my body's just been completely worn out from both studying and uni stress, as well as living in halls so grim people would regularly get food poisoning from the kitchens and not being able to afford to eat out. i just hate the people that made the kitchen grim by not knowing basic food hygiene, then refused to listen when i tried to explain that hey, you can't put raw meat on top of other people's vegetables, even if it is in packaging because, crazy idea, that packaging can in fact break causing raw meat juice to spill all over the veggies.

there's also the element of religion stuff in the sense that, there was this rlly holy day in my religion, but bc of the rest of my family not being particularly religious or almost wanting me to not be religious so they can hate on me, i didn't know it was the holy day until afterwards. and i uh. did something that was. a massive no-no. on the literal holiest day. in my religion. and then that combined with. all the health issues only happening after that. basically my brain is always now blaming me for causing those health issues by being reckless and doing a big nono. rather than double checking online bc i had heard it was the following day and so assumed that night was safe. and again this is completely illogical but because the timing lines up so well it keeps popping back in my head that i wouldn't be so sickly if i had observed that holy day properly.

oh and also finally i've been struggling with the public healthcare system a lot bc everyone ive seen has either refused fully comprehensive testing or just refused to test me at all (i assume to save money). only to waste more money by playing guesswork and prescribing me antibiotics i don't need (the antibiotic in question being FLUCLOXACILLIN for STAPH, which has A HIGH RATE OF ANTIBIOTIC RESISTANCE, caused by using them when not needed). oh and again waste money by me having to constantly come in for follow ups and follow ups because the one stool test they decided to run came back negative so why are you still ill.

and also throughout this whole illness my family has been pretty horrible. whenever i need to do smth bc im ill they always act like im a spoilt brat who's being a massive pain. as though them being mildly inconvenienced by my illness is a grave sin. like one time i got rlly bad food poisoning and had to throw up multiple times over the span of an hour. and then also had diarrhea that was so severe it was like i was shitting literal water. this was on holiday at like 3-4am. and then at like 8 after i had gone back to sleep for the time and woken up my family were all yelling at me telling me to be considerate and not be so loud at 3-4am. knowing. i had just. vomitted and shat my guts out. from food poisoning.

and with all that combined being ill just generally sucks. like the only person who actually is considerate and takes care of me is my bf. who ive tried to stay with as much as possible but its incredibly difficult bc my parents also randomly decide to have severe abandonment issues and act like im leaving a gaping hole in their lives every time im not at home. but then treat me like they strongly dislike me and im a massive inconvenience when i am home.

so yeah basically these past few months have just been me cosplaying as a sickly victorian child asking to be taken out to the garden one last time before the consumption sets in.

[namelessmewmew]

Old Art Archive Part 5.

Original captions under the cut.

1 - 3. Title: Petals, Sparkles and Unicorns [+ bonus of the other two pieces I have of her, that also happen to be old, left being newest of said two]. More csp testing stuff. Went a bit ham with its built in decoration brushes, Petal Brush, Grass Brush, Sparkle Brush [There's even a glitter brush, which I'm sure I will use at least a few times] ……. Happy enough with how this came out. Def need to draw her more.

4. Title: The Heart of My Eye. Uni stuff has been getting more hectic so haven't been able to draw as much [and what I have been drawing has been stuff that won't see the light of day until late this year probably]. Had the idea of a loveletter head character so just made this in csp, don't really like how this came out but oh well. Also probably going to redesign them a bit whenever I draw them again.

5. Title: The Imp Stick. Redesigned Nameless because I wanted to make him more self indulgent [I like horns, imp tails and faceshadows alot]. Used my usual method of exporting each frame as a image and then throwing them into ezgif, I think I should learn how to use clips built in animation abilities.

6. Title: Don't cry over spilt glitter. Uni work busy and hard, and been making a bunch of stuff I don't to post yet so dipped into my favourite thing, aka redesigning "old" characters [like it as much as designing new ones].

7. Title: Kitty Kitty Cat. Just a little cat, shes actually a pretty old character of mine, just redesigned her recently. I really need to draw and post more often.... Sort of like how the shading came out by I'm still kinda shit at it Might draw some more cause I have alot of old animal characters to redesign.

8. Title: Old Gay Cat named Juliet. Another cat laby, this time Sarah's mom, Juliet! Shes also been redesigned but not as much as Sarah. Going to do Sarah's other mom next [which until recently didn't have a design at all but still working on it a bit] Really like how the pose of this came out [still iffy on the shading though..]

9. Title: 2022 Pride Icon. New Icon/Pride Icon [might use this after pride month and just swap out the bg, or might a new one later].  and yes I used a very similar pose to my last upload, I just liked how it looked so used it again. Happy Pride Everyone!

10. Title: Filters and Fingerguns. I have been trying to draw more stuff lately :], liking the stuff I have been making, especially like how the hair and eyes of this came out of this came out :3. The character here is Eve, Juliet's wife and Sarah's second mom.

11. Title: Smiles and Glitter. I know I should be drawing the characters I have already more hut I really like designing new characters..... k? and felt like  I needed another sparklecat....[I need more sparkle anything really] Also tried to emulate the look of those old blingee? gifs and it looks okay enough. Going to try to figure out how to do it better.

12. Title: Metamorphosis. Yeah another bright sparkly cat.....a character I have actually been thinking about designing for month's,  A trans flag coloured lynx with a lil golden bell that shines like a rainbow in the light. A mascot-y character that's meant to idk be anti-thesis to how big corps pretend to like us during pride months by just changing their logos to rainbow and selling overpriced pride merch, then just change their logos back and don't do anything more about it for the rest of the year, I guess? Like a mascot thats undeniably queer in colours and otherwise I guess. My brain feels a bit slow and foggy right now right now so I might not be articulating well.

13. Title:  Splat. Haven't posted here for a month and lost steam for artfight not long into it [will post attacks I did once month is over], but I did make my first game, a rpgmaker game that is about 10 to 15 minute rpgmaker game for a mini jam. Thought maybe I should post about here at least once, https://namelessmewmew.itch.io They technically can be named whatever by the player but I wanted to give me a 'true' name as well, so here is Splat./colour-less

14. Title: 'Fuck you! Catboys your Demon'. I can't just not put my sona/main character though multiple redesigns/design updates, I wouldn't be NamelessMewMew, if I didn't! Going the opposite route in terms of adding things to his design lol compared to my old sona [casanova, a cat like creature that I added demon features to, I need to redesign them again at some point.] I need to learn how to draw stubble properly... and also maybe change the eyes a bit, you looks kinda uh high rather than just tired.

15. Title: Aging. Just feels weird, so a little doodle thing.

16 - 17. Title:   Prancing in the night. Wanted to start another art practice dump to practice shading, decided to do my personal characters to motivate me more but then got really into it and added more  and more shading/lighting, then thought this would look very stupid without a bg, then added lighting to that bg and then wanted the stars to sparkle.... [which I hope loads as its not loading in the preview I'm seeing now] yeah I guess I can make this its own deviation. The bg is a bit mid quality but I'm glad I did because I don't do proper bgs much, but I do really love how the Plushie came out in this, especially the pose [and shading]. Though the gif site I use makes transparency kinda uh line-y? Basically the lighting and shading looks smoother than this originally, though I don't mind how it looks

Anime Girl Art Dump:

Title:  Art Practice: 1. Ramble-y stuff: Been in a hating my art phrase because there's lots of parts of art I'm not great with, shading, anatomy, perspective, backgrounds..... so forth But can't get myself practice without also posting it but also it has to be good enough to post [when I feel my art is bad then I feel like I can't waste the time spent on it by not posting it but I also feel like I'm somehow a bad person for being bad at art]..... so going try to do dumps like this where I try to focus on certain things. Hopefully I can improve at least a bit this year. About the art: This is mostly Hair Shading + Faces + Eyes Practice, but also tried to draw various different hairstyles. Want to do more experimenting with how I draw eyes and hair...

Hands and Eyes Art Dump:

Title:  Art Practice: 2. More art practice, this time hands [done mostly by memory and a bit by using my hands as ref] + eyes [more just the irises and pupils rather than eyes as a whole]. Like where I am getting with eyes but really need to work on hands alot more.... Can't think of anything else to say really cause tired... other than its 4 days till I'm 20 which is wild.

[scoupsbicepvein]

Hi sweet! How are you? I hope you are doing great now🥺 Talking abt ur conditiom are you like passed out(?) or go to ER just to check your condition?

By the way, how's your real life with the uni and your periods going? Please don't forget to taking care of ur self and try not to overthink everything because it will pass anyway.

Just go with the flow~

I know it seems like something that is easy to say but hard to do cause believe me I know🥲 been there, done that🥲 you don't have to be 'perfectly' go with the flow, but just try it little by little bcs in the end you'll find your own flow where you won't be stress that much but you can do most of the thing great!

For my request, pls don't take it as a promise or something you should done. Just make it when you have time and in the mood too! It is really fine even if your next post for the next 3 years isn't my request because I always enjoy your contents💖 Don't make it as something you should fulfill, okay? You can make and post everything you want to😉

Sorry this is a long one😭

Have a nice day sweet!🎀

-🦌-

Hi dear anonnie 💖

I'm feeling a lot better than the last time I was here thankfully. And thank you so much so your reassuring words 🥺 they really mean a lot to me especially bc I don't really hear them in real life.

As for my er visit my last post might have been chaotic bc I wrote it under a lot of emotions but basically I decided to go there bc I didn't want to wait until I completely pass out. I was feeling like I couldn't breathe properly and my lungs felt really heavy (?) and I felt dizzy and overall not that great. And I was concerned bc stuff like that happened before but they lasted for 15 minutes at most but this time it lasted for almost an hour before me and my roommate decided to head out. It didn't help that it was getting pretty late and I didn't want to go to sleep in that state (if I even could fall asleep) and my friend was worried that I might pass out when she sleeps.

But the stuff they checked at the hospital didn't show anything concerning so I was let go a few hours later with a note to go to a cardiologist. It took me a few days of thinking but I'm pretty sure it happened bc of stress, idk for sure but I've always been an anxious girlie and all the stress from the last few months finally caught up with my body and it said 'nah sis you're gonna feel like you're gonna die tonight' (and a few times after that).

Sorry I ranted about it for too long I feel like 😫 but other than that the stuff with uni are slowly being resolved but I don't want to say anything to early.

How are you btw? I hope your job hunting is going well and that you're gonna find a good job that pays well (you deserve it queen 👑).

And about your request I'm going to save the ask with it for now but I have Joshua done so I'm going to post him as a stand alone and when I come up with something for the two other !95 liners I will post it as well. I hope you're okay with something like that.

Hopefully you have a nice day or night depending on where you are and what time you read this, and that everything in your life is going well 💕

[livewiregoth]

Tamagotchi Uni Stuff Part5

I have some extra images I didn't put in part 4 because I knew they weren't going to fit.

This time all images are related to the tamaverse arena events.

I noticed this a couple times but for some reason when an icon for someone off-screen is further ahead or further behind you & they happen to be a Tamagotchi you can only get with the DLC Nazotchi takes their place. However the correct character is available for everywhere else like who got what place, choosing teams & the results screens for which team won.

Just something interesting I found out.

lol He looks like he's twirling a mustache

I didn't really enjoy playing the track tama arena event, it was interesting at first but then smashing the buttons in a pattern got tricky for some reason.(Sometimes not helped by having to jump sometimes) I lost every time I played.

I wasn't entirely sure if I'd have room for some images when I first set this up. I came back for these & the two images saying "results" above after putting all the other images down when I realized there was room. I dunno if I'll show these pics next time I have tama arena event images later on.

Anyway yeah I played all 7 days & shirotama praised me for my work. I did all 7 days again in the next part but chose not to get the pics again.

I'm guessing this was a new update at some point because I don't recall in the past being given all the items if I play all 7 days. I went back to check my past posts(only found two related posts & a few mentions with one pic per some mentions) & the only example of getting all 7 days was the item you get if you do 7-6 days.(Admittedly it was the very first tama arena event too)

Also checked the 6 day one & same thing. Dunno if doing enough to get the middle reward would get it & the lowest amount reward so we'll have to see what happens.

I kind of like this new reward thing cause it makes you want to play all 7 days just to get everything available & you don't miss out on stuff.

Also I guess I have two croissants now, I wasn't interested in the fencing event's rewards so only played once leading to getting a croissant from that.

I thought this was funny, he looks like a weird crab. After looking around learned this is a drum based tama. I forgot their name & just a moment ago learned their name is Drumcrubitchi so yeah they are a drum crab.

The bunny jump one was way more enjoyable, this is from I think the only time I got 2nd place. I kept messing up leading to getting 3rd place, there was like 4-5 times I could have gotten 1st or 2nd place in the past if I hadn't slipped up.

Either way I had a fun time playing the bunny jump arena game & enjoyed trying my best to get to the top before time ran out. I kept slipping up & missing a platform repeatedly(cause of constant 3rd place) but still had a good time.

Also got the second tamaverse event care badge. I think I might be close to getting the final badge but I forgot.

Got all 3 again, even got an item I use to have & one I was interested in but didn't get because I wanted to get the racing trophy

Wonder what else I'll get eventually.

Besides making a post for the tama's fake social media posts I'm completely caught up on Tamagotchi Uni posts & will try to post about gen9 later today since it's past midnight

[girltomboy]

My headphones arrived yesterday, I like them, they feel comfy and sound good and the battery seems to last forever. The only thing I'm missing and wish they came with is a case or at least a little cloth bag to carry them around. But most of the time they are on my head if I have to be away somewhere so it's not a big bother. Above all, I was able to fulfill my planned aesthetic today 🙏 so that was a sliver of satisfaction in my otherwise grey and exhausting day. I feel so tired and numb this evening, I don't have the energy to move from my bed at all. My bf told me he might actually come here next week, which - and I hope this doesn't make me sound like a bad partner or something - is simply great news. Not only am I relieved of the stress that would otherwise have spoiled my rest this weekend, but I am also able to work from home next week.

So last night I saved this post to my drafts because I didn't have the energy to continue it anymore. Then right before going to bed I discovered that my thermostat batteries went out, which is a devastating experience because my thermostat is right next to a light switch, so I have to pull that out in order to change the batteries. And next year I had to call my landlord about it, and he sent his. Well, my neighbor to help me with that. But this time I really was so pissed off about this chore that I didn't want to deal with that again. So I slept in the cold and decided to take matters in my own hands. I even dreamed that a professor from my uni - WHO didn't even teach my generation!! I never even met this guy!! - came to my apartment for some reason and judged and mocked my no longer functional heating. And I was so mad and shouted at him for his oblivious privilege. Then when I woke up I turned off the power and pulled the light switch out like I saw my neighbor doing, and replaced the batteries in my thermostat, turned the power back on, the heating went on, and the light switch was functional too. Then because it's a gorgeous day and the sun is shining for the first time this week, I put on some nice and warm clothes, put a bunch of stuff in my cool tote bag that my manager gave me for Christmas, put on my headphones and went outside. I got myself 2 hot dogs and went to the forest, I took some photos of the snowy forest warmed by the sunlight, sat on a tree trunk, ate a banana and read my book. I walked some more around the park next to the forest, sat in the sun, and had a lovely time listening to the playlist that Apple Music made me which is full of bangers back to back. However I'm a little more than a little upset with my boyfriend for not texting or calling me at all today, and not even reading my excited texts I sent him after completing the thermostat ordeal. Even though he appears to have been online. And I don't know if it's because he still hasn't woken up even though it's almost 4pm, or if it's cause he's studying (less likely tbh) but it's a problem precisely because he's running out of time to study and he's BEEN wasting his days by oversleeping. But anyway I really cbf to waste my gorgeous day wallowing in my anger towards him. I'm home trying to warm up cause I've been outside for a few hours and it's like subzero degrees.

[twotangledsisters]

Update.

First, I just want to thank everybody, I didn't want to re-blog an answer each individual post because; I don't wanna spam people?

So very quickly:

Thanks to @frozenwolftemplar cause your always so gentle with your words and the (like that festival with the sculptures that go 🔥🔥🔥) got me laughing. Also, I'd love to see more fics in different styles? I love when writers experiment! (same for any artists, I get so excited when an artist I follow tried out a new medium!)

Thanks to @nyleeu-e especially cause, knowing you also went through like, going into tumblr not logged in (might of misunderstood that) and found out the same thing brings my social anxiety down a lot. Cause... I just start overanalising soooo fast and end up thinking the worst, but I love your blog, there's nothing problematic going on? So I guess that kinda reinforces what a lot of people have said about it being a tts thing.

And @batata-doce-com-farofa of course thanks for the king words and yeah, the tags, a lot of people have suggested it's along those lines.

I'm not sure if in the past I've been very lucky to be in chills fandoms. I've been extremely ignorant to drama that was happening. Or times have just changed and in the time I was in uni unable to really be in a fandom interacting the way I am now, I was caught off guard by this change...

A friend also reminded me on the phone about how I use a 'mute' feature, so I don't block people unless it's absolutely necessary, I just have a feature which stops posts showing on my dashboard and stuff. And I do this mainly because, I may not like a certain ship or dynamic but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy other content from people? Also, I don't know if that person is reading a fic of mine on ao3 and there going to one day try to reach out on tumblr and find out their blocked and a have panic attack...

And saying that, I realize the fact my mind goes over this whole thought process as to why not to block someone, probably say a lot about my own socialy anxiety.

I think as well this hit me hard because I did a post a while back being like 'I have this paranoid feeling I'm invading the tts fandom space', and this felt like tumblr screaming that paranoia was correct...

That and there were a few people who's fanfics I interact with on ao3 who had me blocked... So... That's fun.

Plus, I've actually had a few hateful anon asks recently that I've been ignoring and kinda hoping/assuming it's all one single person... But there's always that bit in your brain that says 'what if it's a bunch of people!' But I have had A LOT more positive anonymous asks in my inbox (plus I value shy people and I think people who don't have a tumblr account can only ask anonymously so I wanna leave them on for fic readers who aren't on tumblr?)

Rambling, sorry.

I reached out today to my doctor and I'm going to get an 'emergency' meeting to get my anxiety meds checked cause... Something's not working. I've also been pulled aside by another doctor over weight loss the other day so, maybe that's something to do with my anxiety? (It'd be kinda nice if it was, like, two stones one bird?)

I should probably fully step away from the internet but, cause I work from home and my friends live 2 hours away... Tumblr, fandom, it all kinda becomes my social interaction between friend visits? Like, I'm an introvert but, it's nice to not be completely alone. I'ts hard to say if the internet does more or less for mental health some days...

I'll definitely be a bit less active on here while I reign in my anxiety.

None of this will affect Ao3, I am always like 40 days ahead of schedule!

I'll probably just log into Tumblr when I'm going to post something (like if I finish an animation, probably won't be doing all the works in progress stuff...) but if anybody wants to chat just pm me and I'll sell you my discord, that's on my phone so that notified me even when I'm not logging into tumblr!

I also have some anon asks in my inbox to do with animation suggestions, I've seen them! Except for one they're all great ideas I'd love to get around to! It just takes time I'm afraid, but I promise they've been received.

So yeah...

Huge thanks for all the kind words.

I think I'm going to go take a nap.

So I just made a huge mistake because... I was browsing tumblr from my ipad and didn't realize I wasn't on my usual account, and I was on the tangled the series tab and there was soooooo much content!

I was thrilled and then I realized...

It's not that there was a lot of content today.

It's that half the fandom seems to have me blocked.

And I don't know which fandoms rules I've broken to earn my exile...

But yeah.

I'm feeling.... Honestly, extremely, extremely unwell right now.

Like... I don't know what I'm going to do.

My instinct is delete tumblr, NEVER EVER EVER comment on a fic ever again because that's the only negative interactions I've had... And just.... Disappear off of tumblr (not ao3, I don't think my fanfics are the drama and I'm too deep into that rabbit hole)....

But obviously I'm writing this literally as I am made aware....

I'm just feeling extremely shitty right now.

And as though all my social anxiety is correct and most people hate me and.... Yeah.

I think I'm going to just go make a tea and watch some cartoons.

I wish I knew what I did...

I feel like I mostly just post animations and jokes and... I try to interact with the community but maybe I shouldn't have tried to interact.

[fairyoftbz]

lavande | l. hyunjae

🥡 pairing: crush!hyunjae x fem!reader 🥡 wc: 3.2k 🥡 genre: fluff, university au, slice of life 🥡 tw: none? i think? 🥡 synopsis: as you are talking to Chanhee, your crush appears in the lecture room, leaving you with a hammering heart. 🥡 a/n: it's already Monday again, so posting time!! i wrote this because i kinda miss uni without covid, I had such a good time back in 2019 😩 feedback is always appreciated!! <33 🥡 requested: yes, thank you! i hope it's good enough!!

╰☆☆☆☆╮

“Have you done the readings we were supposed to?” Chanhee whispered in your ear as you turned on your computer, the screen remaining black made you frown as you quickly glanced at your friend, hand deep in your backpack to find your charger.

“Wait, let me guess. With the abandoned puppy eyes you're giving me, you want me to summarise what this was about, am I right?"

“Please Y/N, I didn't have time this week, it has been so hectic! I promise I'll buy you a coffee," you waved your hand in front of your face to let him know that he didn't need to, and you leaned your arm under the table to look for a plug while summarising what you had understood to your friend.

He listened intently until his eyes looked over your head, a smirk forming on his mouth. You frowned for a split second but continued your explanation, noticing that the smile didn't want to leave Chanhee's face. You deeply sighed, trying to make your friend pay attention, but it was to no avail. He was busy looking at something else.

“Are you listening to me, or am I talking to my computer?” you asked, and your friend returned your attention to you, his puppy look made you shake your head and roll your eyes. He looked behind you one last time, and you turned around in frustration, your breath getting stuck in your throat as you discovered what was amusing Chanhee so much.

You did a double-take when you noticed the man standing at the entrance, your pulse quickening as your hands became sweaty and hot. Every student around you, including Chanhee holding your arm to hear the rest of your explanation, disappeared from your field of view. You only had eyes for the one who stole your heart without realising it.

Hyunjae pushed the lecture door open and held it out for the group following him, politely nodding at the blushing girl that thanked him. He pursed his lips and scanned the auditorium, trying to find a familiar face to sit next to. The air was stuffy and odorous, the young man cursing the caretakers for not ventilate it more often as he was almost sweating because of his outfit. His white turtleneck and pants, as well as the lavender sweater, were thick enough for him to be warm to walk from his apartment since it was still quite chilly in the morning, but he felt like he was wearing winter clothes in the middle of a heatwave when he entered this room.

“Wow,” you murmured under your breath and looked down on your phone, trying to hide your attraction for him from your friends around you, your right hand holding your head up, hiding your eyes at the same time. You heard Chanhee mockingly exhale through his nose as he noticed you munching on your bottom lip, a habit of yours he had caught a glimpse of you doing when you were stressed or embarrassed. In this current case, you were both.

Tugging on the collar of his white turtleneck, Hyunjae sighed in annoyance as he walked down the first few steps. Cursing himself for arriving so late, he sighed as the only remaining seats were in the first few rows, where he had almost 99% of the chance of getting chosen by the professor to answer a question. He dropped his bag from his shoulder onto the table as he looked at the rows again, his eyes immediately discerning the funny stickers at the back of your computer.

“It won’t hurt anyone if I just check where he is,” you thought, but it was probably the worst idea you’ve ever had because your eyes met his dark, chocolate ones, his eyebrows lifting in relief when he recognised other familiar faces in your row.

“Y/N, you’re drooling, be careful,” your friend Chanhee whispered in your ear, teasing as you looked away from Hyunjae and wiped your mouth as quickly as possible, warmth flooding your veins as you keep your finger pressed on the power button of your computer. Your best friend laughed at your antics, but you turned a blind eye to him and mentally cursed yourself for not being as wary as you thought you were.

“Idiot, how could you be discreet if you made direct eye contact with him?” You shook your head at this thought and took a deep breath, inwardly praying that he would sit far from you as you mindlessly scrolled down through your notes.

“Hyunjae, over here!” Sunwoo stood up and raised his deep voice over all the hubbub of the auditorium, pointing at the empty spot between you and Chanhee. It was reserved for Eric who was running late, but you noticed the vacant seat next to Sunwoo and whined. You swore that the rest of the row was packed when you arrived, but it looked like a spot magically freed itself when Hyunjae appeared. It was as if your friends had planned this behind your back.

“Can I sit here?” A gentle, deep voice said, and you looked up. Much to your dismay, it was Hyunjae. “Uh, s-sure,” you stumbled on your sentence as if it were your first time speaking, closing your eyes and inner face palmed yourself at the mess you had just become in a matter of seconds.

You gathered your belongings and held them against your chest as you stood up and sat next to Chanhee, giving your crush your now empty spot. Placing your bag on the floor, you turned your head to the right and stared at your friends, only to find them laughing and bickering together. Changmin was imitating your bashful answer, and Sunwoo’s smug grin painted on his face as he cheekily winked at you, everything confirming your doubts that this situation was one of their playful plans. You sighed in exasperation and typed the title of your notes on a new document as if the entire situation weren’t bothering you.

“Thanks,” Hyunjae said as he sat down, and your heart skipped a beat when you heard his gorgeous voice that caused the hairs on your arms to stand up. His smile made him ten times more attractive, and your heart seemed to struggle to cope with his beauty.

You tried your best to ignore your crush’s presence on your left as you typed down your notes at high speed, but it was harder than you thought. He was close, too close for you to function properly and pay attention to the lecture, his presence and cologne distracting you. There were times where you could feel his gaze on you when you were typing or taking a sip of water, your hands immediately tensing and jolting under the pressure of his aura.

As the lecture finally finished, you quickly packed up your stuff and zipped your backpack before putting it on your shoulders. You didn’t even bother saying goodbye to your friends as you stood in your seat and jumped on the table of the higher row behind you to escape your group. Kevin tried to hail you by calling your name, but you were quick to pace towards the exit and vanish into the mass of the crowd.

You almost reached the library, your safe area where you always sought comfort and peace when a hand gently caught your wrist, your eyes immediately drawn to the familiar lavender knitted sleeve. You breathed heavily at the warmth of the slender hand, and you turned around to face none other than your crush.

“Gosh, you were walking so fast,” he chuckled as he finally got you, his hold still wrapped around your wrist blasting electricity through your veins. The contact felt pleasant, yet it felt so wrong to be this close to him. “I wanted to ask you something before the lecture ended, but you disappeared,” Hyunjae smiled as his cheeks became the prettiest shade of pink you had ever seen. You shyly smiled, muttering a soft apology, and you frowned, not letting him time to say another word.

He opened his mouth to say something when you drew him behind one of the colossal pillars holding up the second floor as you saw Chanhee’s bleached hair peeking out from an opened auditorium door, spying on you two. Hyunjae looked confused but let you drag him anyway.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” You tried to look unbothered, but your fidgeting hands betrayed you, making your crush smile. “Hum yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me today?” he asked, looking straight into your eyes, a big, bashful smile decorating his face. "I know a good café not too far from college, so I was wondering if-” “S-sure, why not?” you blurted out, and you heard muffled laughs coming from behind Hyunjae.

You both peeked out and noticed your friends piled up on top of each other, trying to listen to the conversation you were having with your crush. You sighed and shook your head in annoyance, tired of the lack of privacy your love life was experiencing every day because of them, Eric laughing even louder for getting caught eavesdropping like that.

A hand landed on your shoulder, and you felt a breath near your ear, making your heart skip a few beats in a row.

“Let’s go before they follow us, okay?” you glanced at Hyunjae, and he looked at you with something in his eyes that made your chest tighten, making the process of breathing troublesome. He grinned at your state and innocently grabbed your clammy hand as you two sped off towards the exit and ran past your friends into the mob.

As you slowed down in the streets, trying to look as civil as possible, you readjusted your backpack strap and caught your breath while laughing, Hyunjae smiling as brightly as you did. He found your laugh so pretty and light-hearted, he felt internally lucky to be part of the reason for it. You went down to the end of the street, still walking close to him, and he paused in front of a takeaway place. Holding the door for you, you shyly thanked him and entered the restaurant, the smell of Chinese food making your stomach grumble in hunger.

“Choose whatever you want, it’s on me,” you turned around and immediately backed up a bit, startled by the proximity of you two. Hyunjae only smiled, and you turned your attention back to the food. “Really?” you asked, and he snickered at your shocked state, nodding with a soft smile on his face. "Gosh, I am so hungry,” you muttered under your breath as your eyes roamed on the menu above your heads, heavily breathing as you were still trying to catch your breath back from the sprint you had just run to escape from your foolish friends.

Relief rushed through your veins when he took the reins and ordered for the two of you, your mouth uttering thank-yous like a mantra, only to have your crush waving it off.

“Y/N, it’s okay, don’t worry about it!” he said, and you stopped to look at him, Hyunjae beaming at you while grabbing the paper bag with your steamy food at the bottom. You quickly seized some napkins and disposable utensils and walked back to Hyunjae, who was already outside, waiting for you. “So, where are we going now?” he said, and you shrugged, looking around you, not knowing anything only outside from the library. “I know a good place, it’s not far from here,” you vaguely pointed to your right, and Hyunjae immediately started walking. “Let’s go before the food gets cold!” he exclaimed and let you take the lead.

It was a small park hidden a few streets away from your university, meeting other students since there was another park inside the campus. Bowing down to pat the grass a few meters away from the artificial pond, you sat down as it was dry, but Hyunjae handed you the food and took out his folded waterproof jacket from his bag. Placing it on the ground, he gestured you to come and sit with him.

“Here, come sit with me, you’ll be more comfortable,” he said, and you obeyed, your knees touching as you set the paper bag down next to you and handed him his food and drink. Your proximity didn’t leave you indifferent, but you tried your best to hide it as much as possible.

Hyunjae noticed your little change of behaviour and found you adorable when you looked away at each of his compliments. Your arms were now touching since his jacket underneath you wasn’t a picnic tablecloth, and you were slowly getting used to his body warmth surrounding you.

As the lunch break went by, you talked about your respective majors, and you joked about the shared lecture of this morning, getting closer and closer to each other. He was kind-hearted and became more comfortable when you were alone, gently nudging you in the elbow when you were about to lift your chopsticks to your mouth, the noodles falling back into your bowl. Wiping your mouth with a napkin, you were quick to nudge him back and laugh, still careful not to stain any of his clothes.

“You… look really nice today. I like those colours on you,” you complimented him, and he smiled at your hesitant voice, taking a sip of soda before answering. “Thank you Y/N, I appreciate it,” you nodded and started chewing on your bottom lip, eyes divagating towards the pond surrounded by plants and flowers. “You look really pretty as well,” he whispered in your ear, and you froze at his words, your heart skipping a beat as he had seized the opportunity of you letting your guard down as you were paying attention to the pond. You offered him a soft smile and took a sip of your drink as well to try and calm your racing heart.

He kept playing with it since he was having fun by making you embarrassed and shy with his compliments and proximity. Hyunjae knew that it was working despite your never-ending tries of hiding it, and he felt proud to have this effect on you. Although it was hard for him to see you chew on your lip like that, he had to force himself not to cup your face and tell you to stop, because he was really tempted to do so. However, when you started scratching your lip with your fingers, that’s when he grabbed your pitiless hand and held it in his.

“Hey, don’t do that,” he said and grabbed a napkin to dab the blood coming out of the little cuts on your bottom lip you had caused out of nervosity.

You guiltily avoided his eyes and searched for your lip balm in your bag before quickly applying some. The temptation of starting again was real when your hand was still cradled in his, your crush not giving a single sign of him being ready to let go of it. Alternatively, he rubbed his thumb over your knuckles as you both observed the pond and the people chilling around you.

Much to your dismay, your little romantic moment was interrupted by the church clock striking thirteen times, announcing 1 PM. You both didn’t pay attention at first, but it was when you couldn’t see a single student around you that you realised something.

“Oh god, Statistics! We have statistics in less than fifteen minutes,” you hurriedly said as you jumped on your feet, placing all your trash in the paper bag. “Oh shit!” Hyunjae imitated you and grabbed the bag from you, jogging to the trash can on the other side of the pond while you grabbed your belongings and quickly folded his jacket. He thanked you, and you left in a rush, under the confused eyes of your neighbours.

Even if it wasn’t too far from your college, you still jumped in the bus that was about to drive off from the stop right outside the park, the doors closing right behind Hyunjae. You sighed in relief as you both made it, and you tightly grabbed the metallic bar as the bus sped uphill.

“I’m glad this bus was here, I don’t think I could’ve walked back up there after our lunch,” you smiled at his words, his hand holding the bar above your heads, his lavender sweater going high enough for you to see his black Gucci belt keeping his turtleneck tucked in his pants. “I don’t know who had this marvellous idea of building the university on top of a hill,” you sarcastically mumbled and pressed the button next to your head as the screen announced the stop.

Hyunjae was the first to jump off the vehicle, grabbing your hand as you were quick to imitate him, the mass of students behind you forcing you out. Your crush followed you like a lost puppy through the different staircases and corridors, your great sense of orientation leading you quickly to the auditorium you were almost late to. You were out of breath when you finally arrived there, right before the clock struck 1:15 PM.

Surprisingly, the rows were practically empty, but you instantly spotted your friends in the middle, some of them still eating while the others were laughing or reading together. Hyunjae grabbed your hand for the nth time today, slowly getting used to this new feeling, and you dragged him towards them, but he resisted.

You looked at him, his eyes scanned the auditorium just like he did this morning and looked back at you with a smile before gesturing over a good spot, a bit higher and further away from your friends. Changmin, with his eagle eye, was quick to notice Hyunjae's lavender sweater and warned your friends, all turning around to observe you and your crush sitting together. Chanhee gasped as he quickly saw you holding hands, gossiping about it to his hyungs. Juyeon just shrugged, unbothered by the situation as he cracked his fingers and neck, getting ready to type.

You noticed your friends smirking at you and hid your head behind your computer screen, Eric leaning back in the vacant seats just enough for him to appear in the corner of your eye, his mouth transforming into a pout to mimic a kiss. You rolled your eyes and groaned, offering him a disapproving look, your antics sending him in a fit of giggles.

Hyunjae smiled at you before looking at your friends, who cooed and loudly gagged when he grabbed your hand and lifted it for them to see. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, embarrassment taking over your body as your friends cheered, drawing attention towards you and your crush, the latter replacing your linked hands on his lap, under the table.

“Why would you do that?” you dared to ask, and you shouldn’t have, your voice breaking mid-sentence made your crush giggle. “Let them be, they’re just happy that their best friend is getting out of their comfort zone. Plus, you look cute when you are flustered,” he said, and the professor started talking, preventing you from answering him.

He just sat there with a satisfied smile on your face, while you were trying not to pass out here and there with your heart beating this fast.

[namtanlovesfilm]

Can I just say it’s a relief to find someone who likes sotus 😭 Is it high art? No. But is it fun? Absolutely. I get why people don’t like the hazing. But tbh as someone who went to a big uni in the US, and had a friend who joined a sorority, when I saw the hazing I was like “oh wow, fairly non toxic hazing” (yes the bar is in hell). As for the other toxic stuff, it definitely has it, but honestly I’d argue it’s not as toxic as some other bls that don’t get that kind of hate. The wife bs is awful, but in sotus I don’t mind it as much because it’s said clearly as a jab from Kong, and Arthit (to my memory) isn’t called it again outside of that very clear situation. Is it the best? Noooo. But it’s better then say Still 2gether when during the volleyball competitions it’s is literally stated as “husbands vs wives” (🤢) Idk if sotus is good. It probably ain’t. But does it give me serotonin, and I like the relationship dynamic. Also in general, I find that sotus has stronger female characters then most bls. Even the girl who had a crush on Kong was pretty well developed, and wasn’t portrayed as some evil girl trying to get in between the leads (once again, see 2gether). Plus a lesbian character! (Which as a lesbian you know, makes me happy)

I’m glad bl has improved, and is getting away from harmful tropes that definitely start with sotus. But I also think there are far more toxic bls that take these tropes further, but don’t get the hate sotus does. Maybe because they have better leads (which fair. I watched before I knew anything about Krist, and I’m not condoning anything he’s said)? But like I saw a post showing how bad buddy was undoing all the harm sotus has done, and I thought it was way overstated. And I could point to bls that I thought were much more harmeful. Idk just my two cents. (I’m on anon cause there is like a 90% chance I’ll get eaten alive for this). Once again, just want to state I don’t think sotus is not toxic, or high art, or anything of the sort. I just think there are bls much more problematic, and they don’t get nearly the amount of hate sotus gets. But also my bl opinions are probably “bad” and controversial. I didn’t like deanpharm in uwma because I found their intimate scenes painful to watch because of how resistant Pharm was. Like please stop touching him, he doesn’t want it??? Anyway can’t wait to get cancelled for this one.

honestly I've always found sotus fairly unproblematic compared to many other bl shows that are WAY more toxic yet don't get the same kind of criticism. like, for me the two most problematic things in it (that I remember at least) are the hazing & the "I don't like guys but I like you" trope which I??? despise lol. but you're totally right about the female characters being way better treated than in other bl shows, ESPECIALLY for the time. and praepailin is literally an ICON bc she's one of the very rare wlw representation in bl shows. so frankly I totally agree with you on this, I actually think sotus is one of the very few early bl shows that still mostly holds up to this day, and it was a really important show bc it was the biggest bl until 2gether in 2020. so yeah, frankly I didn't know it was getting THAT much hate, but I feel like it's kinda always the case for bigger bl shows that blow up? like even now, I mostly see people criticizing 2gether when people were eating it up when it was airing?? like I feel like when a show gets too popular, people become overly critical of it instead just taking it for what it is. sotus was never a masterpiece, but it was a pretty solid romcom that did a lot for the bl industry, and I personally don't think it's super problematic at all, especially compared to so many other shows that don't get hated on like that.

xxx

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for July 2021! Below you’ll find One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​.

Happy reading!

Game Changer by @neondiamond

[Harry/Louis, 6k, Mature, tumblr post]

“Did the doctor say what was wrong with you?”

“He thought I was pregnant,” Louis scoffs. “Told me to go home and take a test, a pregnancy test, Haz. Can you imagine the nerve it takes for him to even think that?”

Harry looks lost in his thoughts for a few seconds. “Did you? Take a test, I mean?”

“Of course I didn’t.”

OR: A couple months before playing in his first long-awaited World Cup, Louis finds out he’s pregnant. Harry’s there for the ride.

(I Was Broke) You Healed Me by @fallinglikethis

[Harry/Niall, 12k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Niall Horan is an unmated pregnant omega living on his own after his alpha boyfriend leaves him. Far from his family and friends in Ireland, Niall is stuck living in a complex for Alpha/Omega bondmates, terrified every day of being found out by his landlord.As if that isn't enough, he's suffering from touch deprivation. Luckily, Niall's doctor can at least help him with that part: she prescribes Niall some cuddle sessions. It's only a little weird that the person she's prescribing him is her brother. Or maybe that's actually a little bit perfect.

The Only Pain in Pleasure is the Pleasure of the Pain by Layne Faire / @laynefaire

[Liam/Zayn, 10k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Liam had followed InZaynity, an artist's Instagram, for ages. Not only was the artist incredibly talented, his voice poured over Liam like warm honey on a winter's night, and his hands were the stuff Liam's wank dreams were made of. However, having Zayn unexpectedly arrive as the newest artist at his best friend's tattoo shop brought Liam's fantasies and reality a little too close for comfort.

Zayn Malik met his boss' friend on his first day at Fine Line Tattoos, and felt an instant attraction. Unfortunately, given Liam's unwillingness to even hold a conversation with him, Zayn was certain the feelings weren't reciprocal. Or were they?

When Liam's new tattoo design falls outside the scope of Tommo's talent, and he recommends Zayn do it, Liam reluctantly agrees. Surely he could manage to spend hours in Zayn's company without revealing his biggest secret, right? Right?

Blow Me Away by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

[Louis/Liam, 6k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis likes giving blow jobs.

He doesn't exactly get off on it – he's been with people who properly loved it, and he's not quite that into it – but he doesn't mind the feel or the taste and he really, really likes watching his partner lose it, so getting down on his knees regularly is a no brainer.

Which is why it's a bit frustrating that every time he does, Liam hauls him back up again.

Why Didn't We Make Out the Night We Met? by @berzerkshires

[Louis/Harry, 52k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Louis and Harry meet in an alley outside the hotel Louis is staying for the weekend. Harry introduces himself as Ed, and Louis is completely clueless. They have a relationship through text messages, phone calls, shared pictures and Facetime calls. Is a cell phone being the only source of communication enough? Will Louis ever learn that he's really talking to an international popstar? And what happens when the world is shutdown due to a wide spread virus?

I Love This Feeling (But I Hate This Part) by @lululawrence

[Harry/Louis, 7k, Not rated, tumblr post]

“Stand up.”

Harry stood up from the couch, not a moment’s delay.

“Oh my god, is that what that’s like?” Harry turned to Louis, surprise on his face. “I really thought they were somehow exaggerating, but it really is an automatic response with absolutely no thought from me behind it whatsoever.”

Louis sighed again. “You really wanna keep doing this? Have me use my alpha voice on you so you can work on resisting it?”

“Yup,” Harry said, clapping his hands and smiling. “How else am I going to be able to have any chance at reducing the power an alpha voice has on me?”

I Said It Wrong, But I Meant It Right by @lululawrence

[Liam/Nick Grimshaw, 4k, Not rated, tumblr post]

Nick was a bit of a disaster, but she was used to it.

Or so she thought. She had never known how much she could struggle just to function until the new fire lady goddess angel person winked at her.

Oh, Those Summer Nights by cherrylarry / @beelou

[Louis/Harry, 1k, General, tumblr post]

“Are you okay?” He kneels down to inspect where Harry still has his hand pressed against his head.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine.”

“My name’s Louis. Can I buy you dinner or something to make up for hitting you in the head?”

Harry crinkles his eyebrows. “Me?”

Louis chuckles. “Yes, you. If you’d like?”

“Yeah. That would be nice.” Harry smiles so that his dimples show. “I’m Harry.”

“Harry, it's a date, then." Louis grins.

An extended scene of the beginning of the movie Grease as a larry au

people fall in love in mysterious ways (maybe just the touch of a hand) by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers, @justalarryblog / Bekita, @bluecolouredlou , @beelou / cherrylarry, @thedevilinmybrain / devilinmybrain, @hershelsue / docklands, @foreverfanficaddict,@idolizingthelight / idolizingthelightt, @inlockets / loveroflou, @perfectdagger, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Louis/Harry, 13k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Set in a world where meeting your soulmate causes a literal spark, Louis Tomlinson has no time for fate. He knows all too well the heartbreak that having a soulmate can bring and he'd rather avoid the whole affair. But, when a chance meeting with up-and-coming popstar, Harry Styles, causes the biggest electrical surge the world has ever seen, Louis must confront the truth that sometimes destiny knocks when you least expect it.

Somehow, Someway by @zanniscaramouche

[Louis/Harry, 16k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Louis Tomlinson has everything all figured out for a smooth post-graduation sailing into the perfect career in the music industry. A canceled class, a high school play, and a disarming set of dimples were not part of the plan. (Especially when they belong to a boy wearing someone else’s jacket.)

Featuring: A punk with the worst timed crush in history, that moody art kid that never shares cigarettes, the cutest pastel-pink wearing boy on the planet, and his unfortunately nice bottle-blond jock of a boyfriend.

Forts & Fortunes by @neondiamond

[Louis/Harry, 2k, General, tumblr post]

It’s finals week at uni and Harry is struggling to find a healthy balance between studying and tending to his needs. Lucky for him, Louis is there to help him out with that.

One way to reduce tension by @neondiamond

[Harry/Louis, 1k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry knows of a few ways to help Louis get rid of some pent up stress…

We Got a Call by @greenblueish / bluegreenish

[Louis/Harry, 24k, Mature, tumblr post]

“Fisher from St Peter hospital, hello. Is this Mr Tomlinson?”

Louis’ eyebrows furrow in concern. Why is the hospital calling him? Has someone he knows been in an accident? “Uh, yes?”

“Great. Your results are in. Congratulations, you’re pregnant!”

“Pregnant?” he chokes, the word almost getting caught in his throat.

“Yes, without doubt,” the woman from the hospital confirms, her voice neutral but somehow chirpy. “I recommend promptly booking an appointment with your ob/gyn to discuss how to proceed.”

"I...Yeah, I’ll talk to my … partner.”

or, the one where Louis and Harry Tomlinson are married and Louis accepts a phone call that was definitely meant for his husband.

How Long Will We Fall (Before We Can Climb) by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 860 words, General, tumblr post]

Louis' faith in Harry is unbreakable. When they get caught kissing and he is thrown out of his home forever, he has to learn to have faith in himself.

Rope, Leather and Lipstick by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 552 words, Mature, tumblr post]

Something about ropes around wrists, and tinting skin the colour of strawberry ice cream, tender and kissed by dark lips. Smudging sticky red lipstick across the slight blue shadow of veins, and assuring hands tightening knots.

Lies & Liability by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

[Louis/Harry, 34k, Mature, tumblr post]

Harry Styles has only three wishes when he leaves River Dane Manor to go to Town for his first season: that his sister has rented a townhouse that will provide him as many of the comforts of the country life he has grown accustomed to as possible, that he will not trip and fall when he is presented to Her Majesty the Queen, and that he will enter matrimony out of true love, no matter how favourable the match with any which alpha may be.

Sugar at Night by @brightgolden

[Harry/Louis, 33k, Explicit, tumblr post]

With a year left before he completes his degree, a wonderful fiancé, and a baby coming soon, life is going exceptionally well for Harry Styles.

But, the truth always has a way to unravel itself, doesn’t it?

So, what do you do when the person you fell in love with is not the person you thought they were?

I got myself in a mess (and without you I'm in more) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Zayn/Liam, 9k, Mature, tumblr post]

It’s not desire that has his synapses firing. It’s not the urge to jump him that makes him feel jittery.

It’s the fact that everything about this man - a nice, unassuming guy on Tinder, who studied IT and who seemed like a safe choice - screams danger. It’s the fact that Zayn has been absently touching his necklace for what feels like half the night now.

The necklace. Thank God for Lou, honestly. He’d laughed a bit, at first, when Louis had given it to him, when he’d explained all about the app that it was connected to, the emergency contacts that would be notified and sent his exact location “if you just double tap the back of the charm, see” because Louis was that friend, the mom friend, but right now? Right now Zayn will gladly take the gentle ribbing from Louis if it means he won’t have to spend another moment with this guy.

I don't care if the world knows by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Harry is fourteen when she buys her first binder. She’s been doing cosplay videos on Tiktok for a while at that point, and it seems like the logical choice. Not that there’s anything wrong with cosplaying characters of the opposite gender and not wanting to fully look like them, she’s seen plenty of wonderful creators put their own spin on characters in a way that transcends the source material, but when it comes to her own cosplays -

She just likes it to be accurate.

She likes her chest to be flat, not soft and curvy, when she’s wearing her Crowley cosplay, or when she’s transformed herself into Loki.

It’s all about the aesthetics.

∞

Over the course of a few years, Harry explores and comes to terms with gender identity.

It’s Probably Because I’ve Got a Big Lesbian Crush on You by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Harry's never really concerned herself with being part of the popular crowd. But as the new girl in school the second semester of her junior year, she finds herself unwittingly competing for Queen Bee status against high school royalty Louis Tomlinson. Maybe there's more to their rivalry than it seems.

A not-quite-Mean Girls AU

Going Green (so fucking green) by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

[Louis/Harry, 5k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Harry just really loves being used, and Louis really loves Harry. Who is he to deny him?

Or: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle but make it BDSM

the next bit was spanners to my plan by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

[Louis/Nick Grimshaw, 6k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

The first time was an accident. The second time was an accident too.

Or: Louis and Nick end up shagging on the sly, everyone sends far too many emojis and far too few words, and eventually they're going to have to sort themselves out.

Trust Me Tonight by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, 10k, Explicit, tumblr post]

After Harry’s eighteenth birthday, his father calls him into a meeting to say that he is to be married to Prince Louis of France in just over a week.

Harry is excited, of course. The arrangement is better than any he could’ve hoped for, with such a young, handsome and kind husband.

There is just one issue: Harry doesn’t know what happens on his nuptials, or how to get pregnant to give Louis the heir that he needs.

Can we make it any more obvious? by LouStylesHTommo / @smolhilariousbeans

[Louis/Harry, 6k, Explicit, tumblr post]

Five times the boys accidentally walked in on Harry & Louis plus one time they did it on purpose.

Aka Niall, Zayn, Liam being supportive of Lou&H sexy shenanigans.

darling just dive right in by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed / we_are_the_same

[Zayn/Louis, 5k, Teen and up, tumblr post]

Louis can’t think of a worse place to be than at the Malik estate, attending his ex boyfriend's wedding.

Shining just for you by ThoseFookin_Avacados / @hlhome28

[Harry/Louis, 1k, General, tumblr post]

For a clumsy person, Harry danced with quite the grace- spinning around Louis, billowy light robes brushing against his firm darker ones. Despite his slightly smaller build, Louis was decivingly strong, his grip on Harry's waist tight as they performed their steps in sync. Like two opposite halves of a whole, like ones reflection in the mirror, like the sun and the moon.

Part 2 of the Prompt Generator series

crown me with your heart (your love is king) by @perfectdagger

[Louis/Harry, 41k, General, tumblr post]

The universe must’ve had a field day when it decided to plan Harry’s life. There was no plausible explanation for anything that happened in his life anymore. Try as he may, he would never be able to control his life nor predict what would happen next. What were the odds that the one person he was sure he had fallen in love with but had completely let him slip out of his life, already resigned to the fact nothing could ever evolve between them due to Harry’s future with Eroda, happened to be the same person who had Harry’s future in his hand?

A The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Wedding au in which Harry is the Crown Prince of the small island of Eroda and Louis’ uncle is trying to take the throne from him, with a slight a/b/o twist and some more.

[athena-is-a-chaotic-lil-shit]

Of Ice and Blood

Part 4

Welcome back! Hope you enjoy✨

Pairing: Tai'chi Kashharzol (Orc) x Pearl Blackbell (Human OC/Reader)

Warnings: Violence, cursing, shouting, and fighting. No blood mention. Just broken bones and stuff.

2.1k+ words [originally 1.6k but I revised it and added more details!]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5 Part 6

Sensing another one behind me, I went low and struck his leg with mine, using his fall to punch his chin with my right fist this time, being careful to use a controlled amount of force or else the nerve I hit will result to permanent brain injury and can be fatal.

I got up, swift in my actions as I saw the guy with a raised baseball bat heading towards me from my left flank, and the other one from the right, fast.

On reflex, I leaned back, the bat that was aimed at me hitting his comrade on the shoulder instead. Guy's lucky, actually. He would have suffered internal bleeding if it bashed the side of his skull.

Four down, two to go.

I took my stance once again to ready myself. This dude was a foot taller than me, with muscles packed with raw strength, but even so, pale in comparison to Tai'chi's p—

Stop thinking that! Focus!

"Smash her head Dan!" The man behind him yelled.

This 'Dan' went straight to me with his bat raised with intent once more.

Breathe in.

Everything slowed down. I let my heart rate decelerate, my hearing sharpened, my sense of smell heightening even further.

I closed my eyes, letting the rest of my senses take over. Years of practice, days of pain from training, each motion engraved to my entire body with purpose. To defend not only myself, but also those who are looked down upon, discriminated and stepped on like dirt. My parents had always taught me to defend myself. Me. Don't get me wrong, my parents are good people, albeit wary of the other races in our community. But the moment I left the roof of my home, I knew it was time for me to defend someone other than myself. I don't give a damn about where we come from or what kind of blood flows within our veins. I will protect those who need protecting, and set anyone straight and down to the ground when they deserve it.

Breathe out.

At the last few moments, with my eyes still shut, I changed my form. I followed his aura and pictured out the shape that was drawing up to land a serious blow to my head. Dan is solid and heavy, but everyone has at least one weakness. And this guy is not spared from that.

The bigger they are, the harder they fall.

I opened my right fist, right foot forward and relaxed my arms, my legs serving as a firm foundation for my upper body. With the bat inches away from me, I smoothly dodged to the side, using my palm to push away the hand holding the weapon and punched a vital pressure point right under his bicep.

I bent my legs even lower and struck the center of his ribs with my thumb, closing my hands as I jabbed his sciatic nerve on each side at the same time, both located in the middle line of the thigh between the groin and the knee. A solid blow to those nerve points will cause intense pain and shock to the person, along with a temporary immobility of the feet.

a/n: Self defense 101! Remember that dear readers♥

With the support of my left leg, I went behind the man, standing straight and proud. Calm, I opened my eyes when I heard his fall, staring right into the fearful ones of the moron that started all of this.

"Y-You- You killed them!"

Is he that dumb?

"Correction, I didn't. I knocked them unconscious is all. And the fellow that attacked me first? Well, he passed out from the pain of his now funny-looking arm." I stated flatly as I trudged to where he was standing.

"S-Stay away from me! Monster! Freak!" He stumbled, his ass on the ground and away from me until he felt a tree trunk on his back.

I scoffed and withdrew my knuckle dusters back under my baggy sleeve.

"You wanna know who the real monster is?" I stopped and held him in place with my scrutinizing gaze. He was trembling like a wimp at this point.

"It's you.

"You and your disgusting racist friends.

"You, along with all the people who view and treats anyone other than humankind as lowlifes and pests that are meant to be squished and eradicated from the society.

"No, it's you, and the ones who have the same mentality as you, who are monsters under the guise of a human."

I paused, not even blinking as I bore holes into his skull.

"I am human, down to every inch of my being. But unlike you, I respect and treat everyone, regardless of kind or gender, and to those who deserve it, fair and right."

Before I could continue, I scented new people coming into the scene. It was the teaching staff, along with the uni's guard.

Shocked of what they have seen, they turned towards me, angry, surprised, confused expressions on different faces.

"What have you done?!" A female, human instructor, looking to be around her late 20s shouted.

"Ma'am, if you would just let me explain—"

"You are hereby expelled from this institution, young lady!"

All the color of my skin left me as I heard the words I have dreaded even before I set foot in the campus grounds.

"Now let's not go straight to conclusions. We need to deal with this professionally AND properly Miss Holson. You are also not in authority to suspend this student." A heavily bearded dwarven professor, clad in a brown suit and Oxfords, told her off firmly.

"What are you saying Mr. Dulrik? Look at her! Look at this! She murdered students and oh my God, is that the dean's son?!"

For the love of— she blind? Why does everybody think I killed someone???

"Ma'am they are—" I was about to tell her but got cut off, again!

"Helpmehelpmehelpme!" He scrambled away from me and ran to the group of teachers and hugged the young instructor. "I don't know what came over her! She just attacked us out of nowhere!"

The audacity of this fucking bitch!

"Pardon me? Attacked you? YOU were the one who followed me out here! You and your" —I gestured to the bodies laying flat on the ground— " buddies over there!"

"She is lying! The orc was with her and and and—"

It dawned on me that I almost forgot about Tai'chi. My eyes widened, and I frantically scanned the area around for him. And there he was, standing by the oak tree, right where I told him not to move.

He seemed...irritated?

Oh no. At me?

"I have not moved an inch from where I am standing ever since I planted my feet here." He said with his deep baritone voice, turning to confront the staff. "What she's speaking is the truth. They were the ones who followed her here and attacked her, first."

"And how can we be sure you are telling the truth, orc?" Miss Holson replied spitefully.

Even the teacher, huh? Her odor smells like vomit. I mean, I knew she was...foul, but I thought it was because of the situation. Guess not.

Tai'chi did not respond. Instead, he moved to look at me in the eyes. His gaze, searching, but not in an awful way. Was he asking me what I'll do?

"How about we discuss this in the office, shall we?" An elderly professor spoke. She was wearing the university's formal teaching uniform together with black, flat, closed toe sandals. "And Miss Holson, please quiet down. As Mr. Dulrik said, we should not jump into baseless conclusions."

Miss Holson fumed and shut her mouth, holding the coward in her arms.

"Now then, Miss...?"

"Blackbell."

The woman paused. I caught a smell of surprise and... astonishment?

She cleared her throat "Well, then Miss Blackbell, please follow us to the Dean's office, along with your, companion."

Weird.

"Oh and Mr. Smith, kindly call for assistance and take the unconscious students to the infirmary to be treated and looked unto. Thank you." She told the guard. With that, she and the rest of the faculty started walking back.

I glanced at Tai'chi once more to find him, again, staring. I approached him warily, expecting him to be mad at me.

"Uh. Hi?"

I let out a long exhale when he replied, with a slight tug of his lips, his tusk jutting out. "Hi."

I fidgeted, trying to come up with words to explain myself.

"I uh, uhm. Are you mad?"

With his brow raised, "Why would I be?"

Yeah why would he be?

"I-I never told why I keep wearing my mask." I stuttered, "You see I—"

"You two! Start moving before I force you to." A teacher yelled at us from a distance.

"We'll talk later, Pearl. For now let's get this resolved first. I know for a fact that they won't expel you unless they ignore the ill intentions of the ones who attempted to harm you first. But better be safe than sorry, he was the dean's son afterall."

"Yeah... Thanks. We should.. go." I turned and started walking along his side.

******pov shift for a bit*******

Little did Pearl know, he was thinking about how...nice, yeah that's the word, definitely not sexy, you were when he witnessed your skills in combat. It awakened something in him that it took a lot of control not to get aroused there and then, which was the real reason why he stood there, unmoving from his place. Not once did he leave his eyes from you, almost jumping to help you when the guy with the baseball bat was closer than we would have liked. But oh no, he was not surprised, he was astonished and shookt , amazed when you pulled that last technique, sending the human plummeting to the ground almost soundlessly. And the way you stood right after, he knew he was smitten. That proud and intense aura you gave off was enough to make him bow down at your feet. He could feel it. He could smell it. That was his secret, he can scent people and catch any mood shift they make. Even though he told her that her eyes and brows gave it away, it was not entirely true as he could smell, literally, you and the changes on your scent.

Oh but little did he know you could to. Just not as observant as he is.

:>

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Wow— when I copy pasted the original thing from my notes to my drafts in Tumblr I was like "okay, so. I should read it AGAIN before I post it if I wanna avoid more unnoticed mistakes and keep editing it again and again even though I posted it already! " And I never though it would lead me to adding almost a half thousand words and a pov shift— which i found interesting and really nice! Should I do it more often? Like little inserts of what Tai'chi or another characters thoughts in second pov in between fics if necessary? It's just, nice, to put them in and write all out about what they were thinking outside of Pearl's pov! Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed reading❤

Tags: @kokokatsworld @crackinanutshell